#this feels almost like a suicide attempt

[reeama-the-mage]

Just watched all of candle obscura circle of needle and thread because I think brennan Lee mulligan is cool

actual point of the post under read more bcuz I was typing and then realized oh no this is getting a bit long

I have to say I genuinely believe Sean thought that Marion was going to survive the encounter w/ the mother, like first of all because of Brennan playing Sean w/ that one convo of like "Hey remember u r valuable inherently and ur amazing and I love u and I been to make sure u put urself first if anything happens" (and oooooh God I'm just realizing he didn't, did he? Sean wanted Marion to put himself first so he could survive this horrid horrid thing, and he was this close, but only because he didn't put himself first did he die ok ok cries) trying to ensure that Marion wouldn't mess around and would get himself out of danger if need be and also because he put his mom in Marion's house, and like Marion said he doesn't have anyone to go home to, he told ppl that's where his mom was its not like he was trying to hide her at Marion's house, and u don't put someone u love who's just been in a horrible place in a house that no one's going to discover her in, especially if u think ur not surviving, I think Sean put her there bcuz he thought Marion would come back and help take care of her cause Marion is a good guy (unlike he thinks he is), also I don't think Sean particularly likes the creature that he strikes a deal with, because we see him say that he was upset at what he thought was Kingsley earlier for being like I get how u feel I had a sister that passed and wanting to kill him for that but that was all the monster, and the monster continues on like that!!! It's whole thing with Sean is "we are the same, help me with my stuff I help u with urs" even in the last battle after he's made the deal tho, he isn't actually trying to help the monster, sure he brings Marion there but he doesn't sacrifice him to the mother, he goes after Jean! Who is not involved with it at all, and then he slinks off into the shadows, to not do like anything until auntie Bea comes to him!! He dies and he's happy and he sees his ma, and mentions not being a gardener and the world not needing him, but Marion is a gardener, I can't imagine Sean being happy with Marion being taken out of the world, because Marion makes it better, in the end Sean is just concerned with keeping his end of the deal, not the monsters goals, probably just to make sure his moms safe!!!

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[mercymaker]

love is truly the dumb fuck juice of all time because a man can literally tell you 'i have violent thoughts of harming you' and your ass will be twirling hair and kicking feet like 'but would we kiss after that or?' like

[mosspapi]

Gonna b honest. I kinda preferred being actively and pressingly suicidal to whatever the fuck I've got going on now. At least then I knew what I could do to keep myself reasonably safe. Whether I'd do it is another question entirely but at least it was cut-and-dry and made sense. Idek what my brain is doing atp, much less what it needs from me

[turtlemagnum]

thinking about how the people around me, particularly people i dont know anymore, impacted my fantasy setting. the raccoon people i added because of a friend who wanted to be a raccoon. goblins existing in the way that they do because of someone i still know who really likes a specific kind of goblin, and made me like them too. even minor things, like deciding that a character's eyes were gray because the person i was talking to also had gray eyes. there"s definitely a lot of me in there, but there's still little bits and pieces of others in there too

[folkinsomnia]

These were both taken around this time in March 2014, during probably the worst of my disordered eating and college era self harm, between my first and second almost* suicide attempts. This was maybe five pounds above my lowest weight as an adult (which was like 145 I wanna say), and I still obsessively thought I was overweight, or god forbid FAT. (I now weigh ~250 pounds and am actually fat now and also reclaim the word for myself etc etc.) However, looking at these pictures, I think I looked underweight for my height and my frame. I wasn't in danger or anything, and maybe this is hindsight talking, but that version of me looked unhealthy for my body. I hated everything about that body and fantasized about drastic, deadly ways to make it smaller.

I struggle with being fat and feeling neutral if not positive about it on a daily basis. But I don't get dizzy and shaky and start hurting from restricting and exercise in tandem anymore. I came across these pictures by chance looking for something else in my files, and seeing my own untreated depression and misery and bodily harm reflected back at me is weirdly affirming. I didn't plan to be alive, fat, unable to pinpoint the last time I hurt myself or barely ate for two days, and six months from turning 30. I'm all of those things now, and most days it feels pretty damn good.

[jakeranda]

i don’t care if it’s cringe, the 30th by billie eilish is about soukoku

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads / storygraph

Natural Outlaws and Fractured Sovereignty

NA darkish fantasy

A thief and her friend who steal from the rich to save her dying father are caught, and offered a deal by the Governor for her father’s life and their freedom, if they travel to another country to steal from the royal treasury

she has to impersonate a noble lady and compete to become the arrogant king’s new spouse, staying in the competition long enough to figure out a way to pull off their heist, with her friends as undercover servants and the Governor’s assassin watching over her as a handmaiden

Aro bi MC & he/they nonbinary MC who become a QPR, lesbian and ace trans man SCs

[darlinimamess]

.

[spacelesscowboy]

penelope scott is like if sad venty music was good

[crabs-but-better]

.

[ironmanstan]

So much work to do but im actually doing it which scares me more than the fact i have work to do and u can tell bc i keep fucking posting like this

[diabeticdelight]

..

[pengillys]

it's so disheartening to have every single one of your friends (irl) completely ignore you when you reach out for help. and yes, i know how hard it can be to know what to say when a friend or someone you know is suicidal so a lot of people end up not saying anything because they don't want to say the wrong thing but how hard is it to tell your friend that you care about them and that you love them. how hard is it to tell them to hold on for just one more day.

[discountprophet]

.

tw suicidal talk

[mosspapi]

Trying so hard not to overthink this but it's very difficult when looking up anything abt it online is like 'if this happens u need to see a doctor Immediately bcuz ur gonna die'. Like. I'm taking pictures of it to compare so I can b sure it's healing properly, and it Looks better than it did on Monday at least to me- there's less red around the edges and the whitish/yellowish/bumpy scabs are looking way more normal now, but I just changed the cover bcuz I needed to b able to hide it better and there was a yellow spot on it which according to google means it's very infected and I need to see a doctor. And I really don't want to risk having to see a doctor bcuz that means either lying to my parents and the receptionist abt why I need an appointment, or telling the truth and getting sent to a psych ward or some shit. And I'm on antibiotics rn anyways so it's not like I would get more prescribed if I went. They'd prolly just fuckin wash it and put polysporin on and call it a day which is what I'm doing rn anyways, right? Eugh. Not having a good time.