jakeranda

[jakeranda]

hello i am obsessed!!!

[jakeranda]

critically consume my problematic dick and balls

[jakeranda]

do yall think house had a tier list of wilsons wives in his head

[jakeranda]

and another mundane day

[jakeranda]

Self-care (bonus scene)

[jakeranda]

They didn’t see each other for 3 days so it’s understandable that they crush each other 🫤

[jakeranda]

anyways, t4t romy back in the house

[jakeranda]

Turtleforce 141 as requested over on twitter 🥰

[jakeranda]

grounding

[jakeranda]

The deadly combo💀🧼

[jakeranda]

The Thing/The Kiss

After the 1982 film and Gustav Klimt

[jakeranda]

PLEASE VOTE. IT MATTERS.

[jakeranda]

wow. i can’t believe tomorrow is christmas.

[jakeranda]

We’ll have to do dinner Thursday night instead.

[jakeranda]

i get into a horrific car accident while carrying a crock pot full of meatballs in the passenger seat. at the hospital, the surgeons cannot sort out which chunks of meat are me and which are not, so I end up with several meatballs sewn into my guts. despite this I make a full recovery, and they elect not to remove the meatballs because quote 'they seem comfy in there.' i go on the talk show circuit and become moderately famous as The Meatballs Woman. when i die i am buried under a gravestone with meatballs carved on it. in the year 2438, a grad student from what is now Cambodia who is studying the late pre-collapse American Empire writes her thesis on this, concluding that I probably never existed and was a conflation of several real stories and urban legends. years later, a pop-history book wildly misinterprets this and several other things, arguing for the existence of a historic American religious pantheon including figures like The Meatballs Woman, Florida Man, Emperor Norton, etc. this book sells bizarrely well and inspires a new neo-pagan movement, which in turn leads to a weird shipping community, resulting in a small but vibrant scene of ABO fics featuring me and MrBeast (who in this context has been interpreted as a god of excess and trickery)

this chilling scenario is only one of the multiple reasons I am going to attempt to not crash my car today

[jakeranda]

as far as i'm concerned all "yuri" is "toxic yuri" because women are ontologically evil thanks to eve's original sin

[jakeranda]

are you loud in bed?

you could say that