#this evil little fucking bitch (affectionate)

[tomboxed]

was hit with the sudden urge to draw c!tommy, so here you go

[fallenclan]

can we see levi's top relationships now that he's deputy? curious to see if he's close with/even likes anyone in the clan besides ravenstar LMAOOOOOOOOOO

-🦝

if ravenstar finds out that levi (much older than littleleaf) has a crush on littleleaf. well. i dont think he'll be deputy any more. or breathing

[sm0lcatfish]

ASK GAME FOR DERANGED PLURALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR SOMETHING

💥 (BIG BOOM) - WHO IS THE EVILIEST LITTLE CRETIN IN YOUR SYSTEM. THIS CAN BE AFFECTIONATE IDC

🌊 (AHHH WAVE) - IF YOUR ENTIRE SYSTEM WAS ON AN ABANDONED ISLAND AND YOU HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO SACRIFICE SOMEONE TO THE SEAGULLS TO SURVIVE WHO’S GOING. WHO’S GETTING VOTED TO THE SEAGULLS

🌹 (EW ROMANCE) - WHO’S THE FRUITIEST MF THERE. DO THEY NEED TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN YES OR NO

🔥 (ARSON TIME) - WHO IS PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBAH ONE

🤼 (FRIENDSHIP LOSES) - DOES YOUR SYSTEM HAVE A PAIR OF ARCH NEMESIES?? ABSOLUTELY ON SIGHT FOR EACH OTHER?????? ARE YOU THE FOE??????

👁️ (STARE) - DOES ANYONE JUST LIKE SIT AND LURK AND WATCH. GOT ANY STARERS????????

🦷 (THE BITIES) - WHO WOULD EAT RAW MEAT WITHOUT HESITATION. NO COOKING THAT SHIT

🐠 (BLOOD AND VIOLENCE) - WHAT’S SOMETHING OUTSIDE YOUR SYSTEM THAT EVERYONE AGREES IS SHITTY AND BAD AND EVIL. ABSOLUTELY UNANIMOUS (OR CLOSE TO THAT)

🧤 (NO TOUCHY) - WHAT’S SOMETHING ONLY ONE OR A FEW PEOPLE HATE AND DESPISE BUT MOST THINK IT’S PRETTY FUCKING COOL. WHO’S RIGHT (USE BIAS LMAO)

🐈‍⬛ (STOP SHEDDING) - WHO’S MOST LIKELY TO HAVE A FURSONA

🥊 (VIOLENCE IS THE ONLY ANSWER) - YOUR SYSTEM HAS AN ALL OUT DUEL. WHO’S WINNING.

🍎 (WHAT’S THAT ONE SAYING ABOUT THE EYE) - WHO (PROBABLY) GETS THE MOST BITCHES

🪢 (ROPE EMOJI) - WHO IS THE MOST SOCIAL. WHO HAS THE MOST ALLIES

💃 (BOOGIE) - ANY WEIRD STORIES FROM SOMEONE’S FIRST/ONE OF THEIR FIRST TIMES FRONTING????????

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 괴물/Beyond Evil.

Beyond Evil is a 2021 Korean drama about two cops that solve a small-town murder that one of them might have committed. Also there's more than one murder to be solved. Also more than one of those murders happened twenty years ago. Also, the cop might have gotten away with at least one of those too.

It got sold to me on the strength of the main pairing, which is absolutely captivating and worth the price of admission. But the entire cast is amazing, the story is great, and it's all just so satisfying. I love everyone in this weird small Korean town. I love having emotions and various Korean foods with them.

I got five reasons why you should watch it! Read 'em!

1. Do You Want To See An Old Man Cry?

In fact, do you want to see every man cry? Do you want to see every man in the cast either cry or pretend to cry or be on the verge of tears at least once? Do you want to see the main characters, who are both men, cry multiple times, often while otherwise wet as well?

Well, buddy, Beyond Evil has got you covered.

2. Absolute Nightmare/Absolute Nightmare

I do not consider it a spoiler to tell you that Han Juwon (the younger one, on the right) is a very mentally unstable superboy. You already know everyone thinks Lee Dongsik (the older one, on the left) is psycho -- it's nearly the first thing you learn about him. But when you're introduced to Han Juwon, you're given the impression that maybe he's just cold, self-possessed, and competent.

No. He is an absolute freak. This is a freak4freak relationship. They are both completely unhinged. They have both been traumatized to nigh-unimaginable degrees, and they have each decided to make it the other's problem. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for both of them, they both get off on that real hard, and they get real mad sometimes about how hard they're getting off on it. It's delicious.

And yet what makes it great is how they're different flavors of freak. They've got the age difference (40 and 27). They've got the height difference (even though the actors are only like 1cm apart, the whole thing is somehow shot like there's a bigger gap). They've got the class difference (small town weirdo and cop royalty). One's a messy bitch, and one's a prissy prince. One has a whole network of people who affectionately endure him, and one has exactly 0.73 friends. One wants to take care of everyone else but not himself, and one has never looked out for anyone else a day in his life. One's a smug little shit, and one's ... also a smug little shit, but differently.

You have perhaps been given the impression that Beyond Evil is like Hannibal, and that Juwon/Dongsik is like Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter. It's not, and yet it scratches a similar itch, if that makes sense.

Don't let me give you the impression that this is textually gay. They do not smooch or anything, so don't be waiting for that. But holy cow, is it homoromantic -- and the leads know it is, and they roll around in it, and everyone else in the production supports their doing it. They have the kind of chemistry stars are jealous of. (It helps that the younger actor is a muffin who has a such crush on the older one.)

And that's even before the part where they get married live on national television. Is that a joke? You'll have to watch to find out.

3. Lee Changjin (and the other antagonists)

I'll talk in a second about excellent and despicable all the bad guys are. But I need a special moment for this motherfucker right here.

Lee Changjin is a wretched, scummy piece of shit who damn near walks away with every scene he's in. He's not the worst like a little meow meow -- he is the actual worst, and it's so good. He's sleazy. He's pathetic. He's hot as fuck. You meet his ex-wife, and you're like, no, honey, sure it was a bad decision, but I totally get it.

Clearly he has a special place in my heart, but all the bad guys in this series are done so damn well. Their realism makes them even scarier. They're not incomprehensible ghouls out there being bad just to be bad. They're (mostly) making calculated decisions based on keeping their own heads above water, and to hell with everyone else.

I'm not going to spoil the identity of the murderer for you -- but it kind of doesn't matter, because you find out who it is less than halfway through the show (and because there are multiple people in this show who've killed someone). There's something bigger and more awful at work here, perpetrated by people that you knew were bad news from the moment you met them.

Beyond Evil is a cop show that is not copaganda, because one of the biggest villains in the series is misuse of police power. The show stresses accountability for police misconduct -- to the point where that accountability hurts characters we want to see get away with stuff because, come on, their bad behavior was totally justified! But it wasn't! The ends do not justify the means here. The world is not better when powerful people use their power to get out of the consequences of their shitty, selfish actions, even when those shitty, selfish actions were objectively kind of cool.

Fair warning, a lot of this show is about complicated relationships with abusive, absent, deceased, and otherwise difficult parents. Those parents are not always (or even mostly) the bad guys -- but the bad guys are all shitty parents. And yet, their adult children are tied to them in complicated ways that do said children no favors. Some of the most heartbreaking pieces of the show are about how these kids break free from those parents -- or, more tragically, don't.

4. Just plain good television

This is a series that can be handled by Your Average American Television Enjoyer Who Can Handle Subtitles. Its quality is on par with a lot of well-thought-of English-language shows I've seen. It's a tight, well-plotted story that's clear enough to be easy to follow, which is sometimes a high bar for a multi-tendriled murder mystery. The small-town setting even gives it a good source of levity to break up the otherwise tight tension.

It's only sixteen episodes long, but there are enough reveals to make a rewatch more than worth your while. The first half in particular improves exponentially on the second viewing, because once you have all the information, events and decisions that you initially read one way, you can see meant something else entirely.

I was initially going to say that if this were in English, all those fans of things like the Wire and True Detective would be super-horny for it -- except that's not true, is it? No, shows like that (which I have seen, for the record) glorify cops who can't be held down by your damn system, so they have to say screw the rules to get things done, because they're too cool and manly for things like paperwork! While Beyond Evil acknowledges that there are some places where the Korean law system is janky and might let a guilty person go free, but that doesn't mean cops get to do whatever they want about it.

My declaration of the show's quality isn't just me judging by my own tastes. This show won the Korean equivalent of Emmys for Best Drama, Best Screenplay, and a well-deserved Best Actor for Shin Hakyun, who plays that incredibly handsome horrible old man. This is a show that actual people who hand out actual awards for good television thought deserved awards.

So I guess if you always wanted to get into those shows a certain kind of dude can't stop talking about, but you had reservations about how authoritarian/libertarian/misogynistic/homophobic/boring they are, Beyond Evil is here for you!

5. Written and directed by women

This one I think is important as hell, because this is a Dead Girl Show (i.e., a show where men kill multiple women as a major part of the plot), and I know a lot of people are justifiably wary about those. However, there are no hints of sexual assault. The violence is gendered, but it's not sexualized. The murders and postmortem mutiliations are handled with the appropriate horror, but it's not torture porn. And the dead girls are treated like -- and grieved like -- actual humans who matter.

I think a whole lot of this can be chalked up to the fact that both the writer and the director of Beyond Evil are women.

In fact, not only are they both women, they're women who don't do this kind of story all the time. Shim Nayeon has directed five things, four of which are comedy/slice-of-life series. Kim Sujin has written a few dramas about mystery-solving teams, but even more comedy and adaptations of webtoons. I have no idea how the two of them got put on this drama together, but it was a perfect match.

This is not to say that men would be incapable of pulling off a story like this. It is, however, a commentary on violence, and how different it looks if you've grown up seeing yourself everywhere as its object rather than its subject. Sure, you could just flip the script and make a story about a lady punchkicker! A lot of people have, and I've enjoyed many of them! But you could also choose to tell a story about gendered violence in a way that isn't just needlessly retraumatizing the people who have to live their entire lives under its shadow. Moreover, you could tell a story about how even good-guy cops can wind up unintentionally buying into paradigms where some women are valuable and some are disposible.

...And if it winds up being teensy bit of a fantasy story about a world in which so many cops give a shit about this violence, well, that's what fiction is for, right?

In short, you love a team of powerful ladies power-drunk on an Arnold Palmer of Respect Women Juice and Sad Man Tears.

Bonus: BANGER SOUNDTRACK

Oh, it's so, so good. (Spotify link)

Have I convinced you to watch it yet?

It's on Netflix, which may be easiest for most people! However, it's also on Viki, and I much prefer the subtitles over there, because a) they keep the flavor of the Korean terms of address, and b) they actually translate the damn episode titles (wtf Netflix?).

There's no bad way to watch it, though!

(ack, they're so cute~)

[goddammitjosef]

For the otp question meme. Napalex. Every number except for 26.

(Is this evil behavior?)

fuck you im doing 26

NAPALEX HEADCANONS MASTERPOST WOOOO

Who is most affectionate?

Napoleon, he warms up to Alexander after a while and is very cuddly, pinches his ears when mad and sits on his lap a lot. Alexander thinks it's kind of weird.

Little spoon/Big spoon?

Napoleon is little spoon Alexander is big spoon.

Most common arguement?

Poland, this is canon btw... trading too. Literally anything atp but mostly Poland.

Favourite non-sexual activity?

Taking long walks, and arguing.

Who is most likely to care for the other?

Napoleon, he has to remind Alexander to do stuff.

What is their favourite feature of their partner?

Napoleon likes Alexander's hair, and his facial features, overall anything that makes him look like a greek god.

Alexander likes Napoleon's chub.

What's the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Literally nothing they still hold grudges they just kiss now.

Nicknames? If so how did they originate?

I've been on this hill since day one that Napoleon called Alexander "Alex" and Alexander thought it was weird but now Napoleon calls him Sasha.

Alexander calls Napoleon "Napoleon" to his face but Bonaparte behind his back cause he's a fake ass bitch.

Who worries the most?

ALEXANDER

Who remembers what the other orders at a resturant?

Alexander. Napoleon always orders chicken while Alexander tries ordering something different each time and usually doesn't like it.

Who tops?

COMPLICATED QUESTION NOT EVEN ARISTOLE COULD ANSWER!!!!!

I always thought it would be Napoleon but looking back I know believe Alexander usually tops. Napoleon tops sometimes but everytime he does Alexander has a horrible time and fakes an orgasm. Napoleon is a lot better at handjobs tho which Alexander does enjoy but that's TMI.

Who initiates kisses?

Napoleon does, his are more rough and with tongue while Alexander likes small pecks.

Who reaches for the other's hand first?

Napoleon.

Who kisses the hardest.

As previously stated, Napoleon. He's an OK kisser.

Who wakes up first?

Napoleon.

Who wants to stay in bed a little longer?

Alexander.

Who says I love you first?

NAPOLEON.

Who leaves little notes in the others lunch.

I dont think this one applies here but i'll give it a shot.

If it's highschool AU then Napoleon leaves cringey notes in Alexanders lunch. Modern AU where they're adults then Alexander does, he just tells him to have a nice day. I imagine modern AU Alexander is a lot more loving than the real Alexander.

BTW I wanna flesh out a modern AU where Paul works in the Kremlin and Napoleon is a foreign exchange student in Russia because it was the cheapest place they'd take him. Also it'd be better for designs since most Russian secondary schools don't have uniforms.

Who tells their family/friends of their relationship?

LITERALLY NO ONE KNOWS. Execpt Fredrick William because he could tell.

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Ok breakdown if they DID know. Paul would kill Alexander, like actual death Ivan the Terrible and His Son. Catherine II would be more supportive. Elizabeth would just not care honestly, she thinks it's interesting it's with a man this time but she's been through him cheating through the hundredth time. But she would poke at him telling him "Why'd you seperate me and Varvara and now you're gay??" Josephine also doesnt care but she doesn't like how Napoleon keeps asking for her to roleplay as Alexander now. Pauline thinks it's kind of cute but calls them the f slur to her husband. Leticia would shoot Napoleon. Joseph thinks it's weird. Konstintine would make fun of Alexander and tell everyone.

Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

Alexander this is canon.

Who cooks/is better at cooking?

Alexander...I think? Not too sure.

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

NAPOLEON

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear during sex?

Both of them tbh, very talkative i would say but Napoleon more than Alexander.

Who needs more assurance?

ALEXANDER.

What would be their theme song?

Already made a song analysis post but to sum it up.

Backstabber - Dresdon Dolls

The More You Ignore Me the Closer I Get - Morrissey

I like you - Morrissey

Let Me Kiss You - Morrissey

You've Got Everything Now - The Smiths.

Once More to See You - Mitski

I ALSO HAVE A PLAYLIST

Who would sing their child back to sleep?

Napoleon.

What do they do when they're away from eachother?

When are they not away from eachother?

One headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart.

I hear people say Alexander offered Napoleon to stay with him instead of being at Elba and it's probably not true but...man...

ALSO ANYTHING ABOUT THEM AT THE END OF THEIR LIVES. JUST. HOW DID ALEXANDER FEEL ABOUT NAPOLEON'S DEATH I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO

One headcanon about this OTP that mends it.

I don't know send me your headcanons. MY DMS ARE ALWAYS OPEN FOR ANYTHING BUT ESPECIALLY NAPALEX I LOVE MESSAGING PEOPLE LET'S TOUCH TIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[silverraes]

10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

10 BL Boys That Make Me Feel Things™

(not sexual, not romantic but a secret third thing)

okay so I wasn't exactly tagged in this but I saw several people doing this and I'll take just about any excuse to scream about my favorite characters so I'm just going to very sneakily join in on this trend 👀

there is absolutely no ranking to these bc I couldn't rank them if I wanted to

(also I changed the name a little bc my ace ass is literally physically incapable of wanting anyone carnally but I still have lots of thoughts lmao)

1) Tharn (The Sign)

I mean. is literally anyone surprised that this is where we're starting?

he's the nicest person out there. he can kick your ass if he wants to. he lost his parents at a young age and is absolutely convinced that everyone he loves is doomed to die and he keeps seeing visions of people dying and he's told again and again that those he has wronged in a past life - which he doesn't even remember - are still out to get him and yet he has so much kindness left for the world??

also he can be such a little shit and knows exactly how to tease Phaya back I love him so goddamn much.

(also that mole-)

2) Kim (Kinnporsche)

was he also on my characters I'd hit with my car list? maybe. and what about it.

I love him so much. he's such a badass but he's such a loser. famous singer who falls for a fan he was supposed to be investigating but is too emotionally constipated to admit it. badass son of a mafia family who can kick ass but only if he wants to. who does it like him honestly

(it also helps that he's played by just about the prettiest man alive)

3) Babe (Pit Babe)

did I start watching this show ironically? yes. is every mention of alphas and mpreg and that mama/papa thing hitting me like a brick and causing me 9000 psychic damage every single time? also yes. did I absolutely fall in love with the show and just about every character in it? you bet your fucking ass I did.

but I especially love Babe. he's just so babygirl. special alpha man who has to act tough and strong but just wants to be babied by his dumbass loser (affectionate) alpha boyfriend. like, he's actually so goddamn soft?? I love him.

4) Guy (Bake Me Please)

I think we all knew this was coming. I was literally gushing about him for half of the episodes. Guy my beloved. that show did not deserve you.

he spends the entire show supporting his crush's every decision and trying to make sure he's okay literally how could you not love this man

(yes he was a petty bitch for like 5 minutes there but he immediately apologized for it the next episode. properly. unlike certain other people-)

5) Sprite (Twins)

he's so himbo coded. himbo of all himbos. the himboest. not a brain cell in that head. he's my little dumbass I love him.

he deserves so much better than what he's being put through. someone please just love and support him for who he is. and also take him away from that family

(please talk to your boyfriend tho I am begging)

6) Wei Wuxian (The Untamed)

MY BELOVED. I could write essays about him. he's such a great character I love him so fucking much. if you ever had to bear witness to me talking about him.. I am so sorry.

sassy emo bitch with a flute and a tragic backstory who's seen as evil by just about everyone but only ever had the best intentions. absolute fucking dumbass. kicks ass. always smiling despite the circumstances. loves his siblings so damn much. doomed by the narrative. what more could you possibly ask for

7) Zhou Zishu (Word of Honor)

I'm trying so damn hard to keep this list to one character per show and it really took me a while to decide if I wanted to include him or Wen Kexing but ultimately it was Zhou Zishu for me

just.. god. him. assassin sect leader just trying to retire who keeps getting dragged into the biggest bullshit but doesn't really mind bc the bullshit comes with a mysterious pretty man. also that whole god damn nail thing. I have so many thoughts and feelings about that but this post would get too long if I got started on those-

(also actually pulling the "I'm literally dying" card to get out of chores is so fucking valid of him. more characters should do that)

8) Milk (Choco Milk Shake)

he is quite fucking literally a reincarnated cat, of course I love him. I could list reasons for why I love him but it would be the exact same reasons just about every cat person on earth lists for why they love cats so. but here's a quick summary, just in case:

petty. dramatic. knocks over glasses. silently loves you so fucking much.

9) Tew (My Dear Gangster Oppa)

I really did not expect to love him this much? greenest of green flags (except for the plot line we shall not talk about). can and will kill people and is fine with it (seriously it is so refreshing to see a mafia character not having a huge moral dilemma about being in the mafia). both a badass mafia man and a gamer guy who doesn't know how to talk to people and is absolutely whipped for his gamer bf.

also scars make a person just about 110x more attractive I don't make the rules. even if the scars are weird and yellow, it's the thought that counts.

10) Tian (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

I? love him??

I just love how he sets out to do something for someone he didn't even know because he feels like this person deserves that much at least and how he ends up genuinely loving and caring for those kids and the village and this inner conflict he's having the entire time but hiding oh so well and how he actually calls out his parents on their rich people bs and-

tagging everyone who reads this far and wants to do it. seriously. I mean it. if you want to do this, please go ahead and say I tagged you. I love reading everyone's thoughts.

[fartlovingblkguy69]

The Little Men’s Toilet Slave Part 2

And with that he turned around and I got to see the most magnificent ass. It was big and round, muscular with a nice layer of fat and hairy as fuck! I’ve never seen an ass so hairy before! This is the type of ass that I ordinarily would have wanted to bury my face deep in and rim for hours but given what I knew was about to happen I wanted to throw up! This was made worse by the fact that when he bent over teasingly, I was assaulted by a smell akin to hot sewage mixed with garlic and there were stains and dingleberries all throughout his filthy forest of a crack. As he backed up to my face he reached back and further spread his cheeks allowing me to see his hole underneath a thick ring of fur and his hole opened and pushed out, releasing a nasty sbd before slamming his hole down on my nose. Fssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh “Ah, I need to get rid of some more gas before I open the flood gates or else I’ll drown our new toilet bitch and then he’ll be no use to anyone! Let me see the footage we’ve shot so far while I relieve myself!” he said rubbing his aching, bloated stomach. He sat there farting away with his filthy hair hole sucking my nose in and constantly dripping a sample of the sludge that was about to fill my mouth into my nostrils. It was getting harder with each fart for him not shit all over me. I could tell, but he wanted to drag this out as long as possible and to be quite frank I was in no hurry to get to the main even myself. Finally after half an hour he slowly stood up and groaned “Open your mouth toilet! It’s time! I really can’t hold it anymore! If I smell or spill any of this I swear to God I’m gonna vomit all over your cute face and i don’t want that so after I make you swallow I’ll let Josh (the hot asf blond guy from earlier) and his boys stomp the fuck out of you! This can go easy or it can be extremely painful! Your choice!” He gently patted my stomach and started to sit back down. I reluctantly opened my mouth and watched in horror as before he was even seated his hole seemed to spasm and out pushed the biggest pile of slop I’ve ever seen! It was soft, lumpy shit, not quite liquid, but definitely nowhere near solid and it stunk like rotten eggs that had been left under the burning sun for days! It quickly filled my mouth and with much effort Kyle managed to pull his hairy hole shut. “Hurry up and swallow that! There’s so much more inside me and I will let it out all over your face if I have to! Don’t chew, just swallow! You can savor my shit another time! I’m in too much pain right now!” I struggled to swallow, my throat burning and closing, gagging and trying not explosively throw up the toxic waste that was in my mouth and nostrils and felt like it was penetrating every part of my being. He slapped my stomach and said “Round 2! Here it comes in 5 seconds and remember what happens if it doesn’t end up in your mouth!” I hurriedly swallowed and opened my mouth right as the next blast came bursting out. This continued for 6 mouthfuls over the course of the next 40 minutes with many wet farts in between each torrent of loose, sludgy shit. Finally he exclaimed “Damn that felt great to let out! I can’t believe how much better I feel! You can’t imagine how much pain I was in! Now lick me clean!” as I sat there and thought to myself, You were in pain? What about me you piece of shit! You narcissistic asshole! What the hell is wrong with you? But I knew better than to say any of that so I just lay there licking his entire crack clean in silence before moving to his disgusting hole. He smiled down at me and affectionately rubbed my very full, very bloated belly. “I think you deserve a reward for being such a good helper! I can’t wait to give it to you later! I think you’ll like it! In the meantime I gotta get back to filming! Anyone else need a bathroom break with the new toilet?” Of course there stood Josh with an evil smirk on his face. Here we go again! (To Be Continued)

[crime-wives]

ouat 1x01 thoughts

god regina, you dramatic bitch. “I shall destroy your happiness if it is the last thing I do” ok darling, you can destroy me if you’d like

henry is so small, his tiny cheeks awww

not to be gay but… emma swan in the pink dress. fuck. i forgot how attracted to her i was. and the HAIR, the fucking princess curls. jesus christ her ARMS.

“bail bonds-person” i love her

yesss bitch, strut across the street like you own it. absolute icon behavior, slamming that asshole’s face into the steering wheel.

babe you’re so sad and pathetic with your vanilla cupcake. i bet she wished for family.

not her apartment door saying ‘cast a spell’

“My name’s Henry, and i’m your son” agevgsvegw STOP

her having a panic attack in the bathroom, so real.

once again, her ARMS, i want her so bad

henry’s cute little freckles, i can’t do this.

idgaf abt snow and charming “She poisoned an apple because she thought I was prettier than her” shut up bitch, you know that’s not why

“Oh kid, you’ve got problems” emma swan, insulting children since 1983

ok but the fact that they chose the name ‘emma’ in a fairytale world, lmao

evil queen theme song playing as they enter storybrooke

emma swan wearing the most dyke outfit possible. getting ready to impress milfs

not that there’s any significance, but emma’s license plate is: 836•M4X

snow and charming are so annoying istg

ewww the blue fairy, i hate that bitch (derogatory)

regina running towards henry and wrapping him up in a hug. her eyes are wet. good lord, her first reaction is concern and worry, not anger.

“I found my real mom” my HEART. her face after he said that, so stricken and hurt, baby…

emma’s little flustered, ‘hi’ when talking to a gorgeous milf. ok babe, we get it, you’re gay.

graham leaving bc of emma and regina’s immediate sexual tension. and regina’s eyes roving over emma.

first ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at exactly 21:00 minutes.

emma swan is so desperate to impress regina. it’d be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic (affectionate)

“Sneaky bastard” once again, emma swan insulting children since 1983

crashing into the storybrooke sign like the absolute icon she is

the cgi 💀💀

yay!! curse time :)

emma waking up in a jail cell. she just does not give a fuck about this shit.

her lips parting when she she’s regina, ok babe, she’s hot we get it

LIP SCAR

god mary-margaret pisses me off

go regina, knock over mary-margaret’s shit, absolute queen

“She’s kinda a hardass” yes but that turns you on, doesn’t it?

gina’s so hot when she’s evil

putting a newborn through the wardrobe to save themselves, a+ parenting

henry mills, once again, the most mature one in a situation “You don’t have to be hostile. You like me, I can tell. You’re just pushing me away because I make you feel guilty.”

“I wanted you to have your best chance. But it’s not with me. C’mon, let’s go.” go emma! be the mature adult i know you can be

petition to get emma swan a therapist so she can deal with all her issues (trust me, she’s got a lot of them)

“Look, your mom is trying her best. I know it’s hard, and I know sometimes you think she doesn’t love you, but at least she wants you.” emma swan, standing up for regina mills since the moment they met

mmm regina’s voice is so hot.

her unhinged laughter, i love her so much

“Where are we going?” “Somewhere horrible, absolutely horrible” takes them to maine

emma swan is so fucking desperate for regina’s approval. she wished to not be alone on her birthday, baby…

second ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at 38:43 (i will be keeping count of all of them :D)

regina fidgeting with her blazer pockets, she’s so anxious

first “He’s my son” at 39:01 minutes

“I will destroy you if it is the last thing I do” babe, it’s kinda gay to have a nemesis, just saying

third ‘Miss Swan’ of the show at 39:32

baby… gina is coming apart at the seems

god, not to be gay, but regina’s HANDS at 40:27 agevvegse

emma’s only staying because of regina’s provocations. she wouldn’t have stayed for henry.

gold is so icky.

she’s staying a *only* a week, sure babe, sure.

also side note, i forgot how good the coloring was in ouat. like its very faded, maybe indicative of storybrooke being stuck in the past???

[moonshynecybin]

oh vale fucking marc in phillip island ‘15 for the first time, promptly freaking out, and latching onto uccio’s bullshit conspiracy just to find a way to drive marc away from himself… phew. you’re a genius i lovee the threesome au..

how would reconciliation work in that universe? would vale see marc getting cozy with an older man at the gala or someplace else and lose his mind? esp if the man has a girl w him who’s eyeing marc up and down? would marc think vale initially wants to go back to the first arrangement instead of just the two of them?

so many of my rosquez aus hinge on the beautiful race that is PI 2015. one of the sexiest races of all time and one where vale decided that marc was actually and genuinely EVIL based on uccio's extremely unbiased and not jealous at all opinion. BUT. uccio has never liked marc. has ALWAYS been suspicious of his and vale's relationship. and i think he would frankly have a LOT more of a leg to stand on if he had tried to break them up after assen 2015 instead imo... which makes me wonderrrr how long the uccio hate campaign had been germinating... whispering in vale's ear... turning the tides... moments in iago history.... etc. and i mean a BIG part of the reason vale's breaking point IS phillip island is because losing that title seemed a lot more realistic (three races left the pressure is ON. and marc is healthy so the field is more competitive) AND it was one of the greatest races of all time (WATCH ITTTT) and marc fucking WON it. vale used to be the kind of bitch who won that sort of thing. so its digging at his ego in lots of little ways that EYE imagine would be hard to swallow, and uccio identifies the chink in vale's armor here and exploits the FUCK out of it.

so i think. if im narrativizing this for gay sex reason which you KNOWWWW i am. that this is kind of the ideal point in a story to have vale flip out as much as possible. really dig into his neuroses. and one of the crazy parts of rosquez isnt JUST that vale is having an ego crisis its that hes having a crisis about CARING ABOUT MARC (also part of the reason it takes as long as it does for the paranoia to set in). thats why it suck so much! marc was his FRIEND ! (and he isnt friends with his rivals !!! think of that video where hes talking about bezz and pecco like. affectionately baffled about why theyre still friends?? this has never happened to him before!!! hes wigging out !!!) and so vale is ALSO heartbroken hereeeeee and thats part of why he gets as fucking mean as he does.

so in THIS au its them finally acknowledging that its not the girls that makes them keep fucking. its THEM. its EARNESTLY wanting each other outside of the heterosexual coolguy masculine just buddies threesomes that theyve been pretending are normal. pretending they havent been engineering them as social acceptable ways to get closer 2 each other. and once they break that seal and theres no more excuses. thats just too close for vale to keep a rival. and he implodes it.

[spacemagicandlaserswords]

The Clone Wars 2x10 ‘The Deserter’ Reaction

aka the Rex Chest Episode

The way Grievous says ‘Kenobiiiii’ will never fail to make me laugh

“Any sign of Grievous?” the gesture that goes with this is just, oh Rex

Jesse? Is that Jesse? 

That little smirk from Rex. He knows that Obi-Wan wants first dibs on fighting his frenemy

Cody: “Rex is a smart man.” Obi-Wan: “Indeed. Always thinking on his feet.” Rex: *immediately gets shot*

Also the little glances they exchange during this

Oof that’s gotta hurt. Sniper shot straight to the plastoid covered chest. Poor Rex lying there like a busted pretzel.

Kix, was that you?

I’m guessing the yellow clone is Crys? Why is he yellow instead of 212th gold?

Why does Obi-Wan say “We’ve picked up the scent.” straight down the barrel of the camera? What is this 4th wall break?

Hello Kix!

Jesse got the braincell today. Also Kix’s decidedly confused “Sir” to Jesse was adorable. Wookieepedia lists Jesse as a Lieutenant and with Rex down I’m assuming that means he’s in charge now.

Why are the Twi'lek’s french?

Jesse saying ma’am is sending me

Well Suu is a certified badass. Absolutely no messing with her. 

REX CHEST?!

AND REX WHUMP?!!

Omg his chest and neck and that jaw and those arms and he hurts so prettily and omg I am unwell and cannot be saved help me

I’m guessing the other clone with the tattoo over his left eye is Hardcase? Hi Hardcase! Is he the one with ADHD? I love him already.

Rex flopping around like a fish out of water lmao

Oof that is a nasty bruise on his back. Also his back. And shoulders. And arms. Omg.

Kix telling Rex he outranks him lmao

Rex thighs?! Rex are you wearing nothing but your lower blacks?! That look decidedly grey but anyway. Also, where is the clone bulge? We were robbed.

“You look like my daddy.” FORESHADOWING CLAXON

The way that Kix and Hardcase looked at Rex like, “is this yours?”

There was so much in that “Mmmm” from Suu lol she is so unimpressed

Jesse being told he’s in command while holding a platter of fruit and nodding like a butler at Rex CACKLING

Rex, where are your nipples? Do clones not have nipples? What did the Kaminoans have against nipples? Did we seriously not get clone nipples? Were animated male nipples too much for Lucasfilm and Cartoon Network in the year of our lord 2010? Why are your nipples just slightly darker vague blotches Rex?

Omg Obi-Wan you completely and utterly over the top dramatic bitch (affectionate). Look at him all backlight by the moon looking all dark and mysterious as he hunts down his favourite arch nemesis. 

REX ARMS

Jesus H Christ. My God. Just look at them. Holy fuck. SIR

Also this bit with the farm animal waking him up was hilarious. His wide eyed look of alarm when it was snuffling and licking his face, poor Rex.

Also, Rex Hands? They’re so big. And his fingers are so long. Oh my. Oh no. My brain has already run away with itself.

I may have paused it at the wrong moment but his forearms look hilariously weedy in comparison with the absolute bulging units that are his biceps. 

I know this is supposed to be faux sinister and spooky but do all clones have such lovely beautiful long fingers?

Rex’s spidey senses activated

Cut? Sir? Daddy? Hello? Are all clones just a bulging mass of ripped muscle?

And here we have our philosophical argument for the episode

“Then our children and their children will be forced to live under an evil I can’t well imagine.” Oh no. Oh, Rex. If only you knew.

That was one awkward conversation to have at the family dinner table

Cut was at the Battle of Geonosis? Hmmm I wonder what batch that makes him and how old he is. Especially if Cody wasn’t at the Battle of Geonosis, which we found out in a previous episode. 

Another awkward conversation to have while your kids and wife are just sitting there watching?

Obi-Wan, you are such an overly dramatic bitch. It is hilarious. I love it. A giant Force leap off a tank with multiple somersaults ending in a superhero pose? Really? Also, that poor clone that basically fell out of the exploded tank and was dangling off a bit of it at the end.

Did that clone just shoot an incoming missile out of the air?!

Kids playing outside by themselves? This can only go well. I didn’t realise it at the time but episode 1x2 “Cut and Run” of The Bad Batch did exactly the same thing.

Oop that’s gone well. 

Well Cut clearly hasn’t lost any of his skills from being a clone

Protective Dad Mode Engaged

Also, why is Protective Dad Mode always so damn hot. Hunter does the exact same thing.

Jesse, Hardcase and Kix just absolutely dismantling droids on their speeders

“Always something.” lmao

Cut punching the commando droid and immediately regretting it

So Rex is still just as deadly even with the use of only one arm. 

Poor Rex getting strangled by a commando droid after falling through the floor. Also Cut shooting the droid that was choking Rex was a decidedly badass moment. Thought it did remind me of when Cody basically did the same thing for Crosshair in episode 2x3 ‘The Solitary Clone’ of TBB.

Grievous, did you just try to use a tactical dramatic cape drop on the master of dramatic cape drops himself?

Lol Obi-Wan’s little reach for Grievous. Nooooo come back and fight meeeeee.

Obi-Wan is so pissed that he didn’t get to capture his favourite arch nemesis. He’s having a little sulk. Cody is probably so tired of this shit.

That’s growth right there. Character development time for Rex.

Naw look at Rex riding off into the sunset. Cowboy Rex anyone?

[emblazonet]

Dragonflight

I read that beat up old copy of Dragonflight, a book published 55 years ago, and I truly enjoyed it. Spoilers for an old book follow, so be warned.

Like yeah there's a real 'not like other girls' vibe going on, somewhat mitigated at the beginning by Lessa feeling shame over how she misjudged Gemma, and then made worse by whatever the fuck is going on with that Kylara character. She's never on screen but everyone hates her because she's promiscuous or something? Dunno what's up with that. So like, yeah, gender stuff's weird, but also Pern's entire politics and economy rotate around telepathic dragons and evil spores, so, you know, it's a wacky fantasy. Whatever.

So many people, on telling them I found some battered Pern books in a Little Free Library, warned me that there's Bad Sex in these books, watch out! Well, I've read exactly one (1) Pern book, and I loved whatever the hell was happening. The dragons get horny so now their telepathic humans are horny? So now the two main characters who can't stand each other are fucking because telepathy? UH YES SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. I am so fucking here for this batshit scenario. It's not hatesex but it borders it. It's sex pollen by way of adorable dragons who fuck. I'm eating it up with a spoon. Now, sure, F'lar is like 'wtf I think I raped her' but in Lessa's pov she pretty much never dwells on it, so I think McCaffrey's actual intent was to give you the impression that F'lar is overreacting a bit because he has Feelings he won't admit, and while he's a smug jerk but he's not that bad, he's worried. You could if you want read this as textual rape? But I don't. I view this as Lessa being a practical and unlikeable bitch(affectionate) of a character, for whom sex is just not high on her priority list. She certainly wants to bang him later on. And because it wasn't a standard romance and the focus wasn't really on their courtship but rather the silly time travel plot, I actually enjoyed Lessa and F'lar as a couple. If I knew them IRL, I'd probably want to smack them, they're horribly emotionally stunted. But I got really invested in their slow reluctant growing respect for each other. Honestly so far Pern has the energy of a child making up a giant war for their toys, and incidentally smacking whatever figures they're using for their protagonists together and going, 'haha, they're kissing!'. Also, dragons. 9/10 can't wait to read more.

[allymcfee]

ALL ABOUT YOUR TAV/DURGE AND THEIR ROMANTIC INTEREST

Thanks for the tag @emmy-dekarios-bg3!

Your tav or durge's name and their partner:

Jynx (Embrace Durge) & Astarion (will be Ascending him) - this is an evil run

Tell us about your character - anything at all!

She is named after Jinx from Arcane, because I fucking love that show. She doesn't remember how she broke her horn, but Gortash does. They got a little carried away one time (ok, more than one time, but only broke her horn once). As of right now, she's going to be a full Bladelock, because I have not played Pact of the Blade Warlock yet and it seems like it fits. I reserve the right to change my mind, because I love magic and multiclassing (I have never had any character be solo classed all the way to level 12 in BG3 and all my D&D characters multiclass - it's a problem).

What do they enjoy doing together?

Besides murder? Straight up camp gossip. They also make bets with each other with ever increasing stakes. When will Shadowheart and Lae'zel finally hook up? If Astarion wins, he gets to drain Jynx dry and revivify her afterwards. If Jynx wins, the next dwarf they kill in battle Astarion has dismember and sneak a portion back to camp as a little Jynx snack without the others noticing (apparently cannibalism is bad?).

What's something your character's partner loves about them?

Astarion loves that Jynx is as obsessed with power as he is. She's been a slave to Bhaal her entire life and he has been Cazador's slave for almost 200 years. They are going to take power for themselves so that no one can ever control them again. They are very much making each other worse but shared trauma is a bitch. He also loves that her eyes look like the sun. So even in the Underdark or at night, he's never without the sun again.

Their life after Baldur's Gate?

We aren't there yet. Still in Act 1 because the damn kissing and romance mods are making this run one million hours long (plus work is insane). Their intent is to control the Absolute and take the Sword Coast and then all of Toril. They want to rule it all together as the world's worst power couple.

Something your Tav/Durge loves about their partner:

Jynx loves that Astarion is ride or die. She's never had anyone in her life that would kill for her or to protect her. That makes her want to do the same for him - not that she's ever had an issue with killing. She's going to make sure that Cazador dies screaming and no one ever hurts Astarion again. Also his eye contact (she's feral for it) and his little moans when he kisses her.

Something that your character and their partner both hate (about anything):

Cazador, Bhaal, and Wither's big naturals. Bastards on reddit (affectionate) made me get this mod and now I'm stuck with it the entire run. So here you go - you can also enjoy Wither's tits.

No pressure tags @andromedaancunin, @preciouslittlebhaalbae, @obsessedwhyyes, @marlowethebard, @xxnashiraxx, @oonalovesastarionssimpleplan

[sunlight-allergy]

death note tomodachi collection escapades

hi tumbly dot com so i started playing a (100% ""legal"" i promise) english romhack of tomodachi collection recently using death note characters as my islanders because im hyperfixating like crazy. here r some of the silly moments ive encountered so far (screenshots below the cut)

awww the skrunkly!!!! i made light & L first of course . here they are hanging out being silly

they got into a fight fucking IMMEDIATELY lmfaoooo (canon)

its ok they made up and i forced them to go on a silly little vacation together to celebrate !!!! (they hate it here)

of course he'd say that. what is wrong with you (affectionate)

literally a day later and HELLO???? ALREADY???? COMPLETE 180 FROM YESTERDAY WHAT A PLOT TWIST (pretends to be shocked) (we all knew this was going to happen)

i made him confess in the most egotistical-god-complex-light-yagami-ass way possible. AND IT. WORKED ????

HE HIT HIM WITH THE "k" LMFAOOOO

anyways love is real after all theyre dating now. lawlight so canon this is proof

horrible awful fucked up and evil couple i love them so much. i am holding them like dolls and making them smooch. this is the lowest compatibility percentage out of literally anyone else on the island so far btw and i find that fact egregiously funny

in character as fuck also thats adorable. ANYWAYS lawlight shenanigans aside

i added beyond birthday and Immediately gave him the jail cell apartment interior. this decreased his happiness meter significantly and i laughed maniacally like an utter fiend

i unlocked the job diagnosis minigame and it swapped kiyomis and misas professions lmaoooo. i mean close enough right

also they got a 100% on the compatibility tester which is. really fucking funny to me considering

tested mello and near too and yeah thats canon as fuck. the low-poly mii heads transposed over even lower-poly business casual pngs also makes me cackle every time i see it

matt is here too! i gave him a nintendo ds and he wont stop playing it. seriously every fucking time i check in his apartment he's gaming it's honestly really funny. him and his singular hobby <3

of course he does (eyeroll) not mello viewing making friends as a COMPETITION jesus christ (he still has 0 friends as of me writing this. he is the only islander to have absolutely no relationships whatsoever and i find this fact incredibly amusing)

naomi and beyond are friends now !!!! i am going to make them besties if it is the last thing i do i swear to god it is Happening.

LOOK AT HIS ""BIG SMILE"" GUYS ISNT HE ADORABLE :33333 (he has CHRONIC DEBILITATING resting bitch face it is a PROBLEM)

light...... mikami and matsuda are Right There........ just watched two peoples hearts get utterly fucking shattered in real time

anyways these are all the screenshots i have accumulated thus far. i will keep you deathnoters updated please enjoy

[mermaidsirennikita]

Anne Stuart's Shadow Dance continues to make me:

--Valerian, the brother who's been disguised in drag to escape murder charges while falling in love with a bluestocking, Sophie, ended up in a "there was only one bed" situation with her and because she's a dumbass (affectionate) he was just able to get away with it by wearing a veil most of the time (because of the stubble) however Sophie is having what she thinks is a lesbian awakening so she's kissed him through the veil TWICE

--kissing through veil = super hot

--on the "girl in drag but he absolutely has known the entire time" side of the book, Juliette's evil husband (who never managed to put it in) is back so she's all "HE SHALL NEVER HAVE MY MAIDENHEAD" so she trudges over to Phelan's room all "FUCK ME" and he's like ".... sure" which is how he reacts to literally every dramatic thing this bitch has done in this novel, which means I LOVE him, the Bored Top energy this man has is iNCREDIBLY written

--obviously he is also, much to his chagrin, very twisted up in the game and trying to hide it

--he also doesn't know she's a virgin, naturally, so he's very "AS YOU KNOW" about sex, and she's like "right yeah I know about sex, the thing I have had"

--but what REEEEALLY made me want to make this post is that as he's licking down her body he goes

"YOU WENT SWIMMING TODAY"

again:

--and I want to emphasize... these LITTLE DETAILS are what is missing from a lot of the trope factory books being written right now; like the throwaway shit, not "touch her or die" or "she calls him daddy" or whatever

--the little shit, like this dude licking this woman and going "YOU TASTE LIKE YOU JUST CAME OUT OF THE OCEAN AND I'M INTO IT"

--or some desperately confused baby bisexual (because lol regardless of Valerian being a dude.... there ain't no WAY Sophie is straight) kissing her seemingly married older woman friend through a veil and being all "as friends who are girls do!"

--we also did get another fabulous Surprise Virgin moment where he stops mid-putting it in and looks at her and goes, in effect, "are you FUCKING kidding me"

[whatsaudreythinkingabout]

Idk if u d0 r0mantic headcanons but… Dating Matthew Patel headcanons

I haven’t done romantic headcanons before (at least in terms of “x reader” stuff) but I’ll give it my best shot!

Quick disclaimer: I am a lesbian who is very much not attracted to men, so I’m approaching this from a purely objective standpoint just to get a better idea of how I interpret his personality & overall approach to relationships (& it’ll also help me flesh out my MattLee headcanons so I can get a clearer idea of their dynamic in my head)

So anyway:

Dating Matthew Patel

As I mentioned in my previous post about Matt (which you can find in the tags), after what happened with Ramona he became hesitant to pursue another romantic relationship because he figured it would only end badly, so he started to play up the whole “mysterious brooding loner” schtick so people would leave him alone. Unfortunately, this only attracted him more attention because 1. he was trying way too hard so it just made him come off as overdramatic and 2. there was a select group of girls in his grade who thought he was secretly a vampire and took him rebuffing their advances as “playing hard to get” (yeah this all technically takes place before Twilight [and by extension the vampire craze] comes out but it’s my headcanon & I’m allowed to have a little fun).

If he did catch feelings for someone, he’d probably start out repressing them pretty heavily like the angsty little bitch he is. He talks a pretty big game for someone who claims they’re so slick, but when the time comes to actually tell someone how he feels he shuts down & it would probably take him a while to work up the nerve to confess.

Either that, or he’d come in overconfident with some kind of ridiculous pick-up line, then cringe at himself on the inside whenever he inevitably crashes and burns.

However, once he does finally feel comfortable enough with a partner, he would be completely and utterly OBSESSED. This man is first and foremost a theatre kid, so he is dramatic as fuck and not afraid to show it. Expect a lot of big, flashy, over-the-top romantic gestures; gifts, food (I do HC him to be a good cook), nice dates, fully-choreographed musical numbers—you name it.

It’s been said that the difference between being in love with a hero vs. a villain is that a hero would sacrifice you to save the world, but a villain would sacrifice the world to save you. Matt might be more of an edgelord than a true villain (no matter how much he claims he’s totally evil, yeah sure you are), but regardless he would burn the entire world down if it meant the person he loved would be warm.

It’s also been demonstrated that for all his big talk he has a pretty fragile ego, so he’d fall apart at the slightest indication that you were mad at him. Just totally pathetic (/affectionate) malewife guyfailure energy

Overall he acts all doom & gloom on the outside but when he does love someone, he’d both die and kill for them

honestly that’s about all i got for right now. i might come up with more later but it’s a lot easier for me to do these types of things for female characters bc women

[galpalaven]

look as a character-driven writer who specializes in this stuff. here is what I think Shang Tsung is like in a relationship

this man is a Sugar Daddy. i don't know how to say this any clearer. he is dressing his partner up like a trophy. he wants them looking as hot as physically possible. he wants everyone in the room to see what is his and know that it is his and that they can't have it

he likes banter and he values wit and cunning above all else. if someone can't keep up with him intellectually he is bored and has no time for it I'm sorry they gotta be charming and underhanded a lil bit or he isn't even going to look twice at them

kinky. he's a shapeshifter with evil magic powers. what more can I say here. if you're interested in a list I can provide that but fjkdls man is not. not really a soft lover.

that being said he does peacock constantly and this can come off as being very physically affectionate in public. this is not exactly affection as much as it is staking a claim. he wants everyone else to see him lavishing attention on his partner and be jealous

I reaalllly don't think that he would be able to be in a relationship with someone that isn't able to somehow prove themself as an equal or near equal in power and/or wits. he'd be bored. he looks down on people. he has an ego. make of that what you will.

again, I cannot emphasize this enough, he is the type to view a partner as a possession. this could come in many forms but definitely probably comes with jewelry. necklaces especially. please understand the subtext I am throwing at you here jfdkls

like I do believe he can feel love and be soft but it would have to be someone who has been around him for like. centuries. this is the slowest of slow burns. he has to get past seeing this person as a toy or a pawn and to seeing them as an equal to feel genuine love. its possible but I am talking 500k slowburn here

this man takes "flirting with danger" literally which is why, again, I think a partner for him would have to be powerful either magically/physically and prove themself that way or they would have to be smart as fuck. the banter would be so much fun to write he is a smart little bitch and I love him but he is constantly using everyone for something always

shang tsung is a lil bitch and he is also like. oh my god constantly everything he does is ultimately for himself and if someone can make themself more appealing to him alive than as a soul to devour then they've got a great chance but they would need to be aware of how he is thinking at all times and not push "feelings" onto him until like. someone had probably better be dying he will not admit to going soft for anything because showing weakness is like The Worst Thing Ever

feel like im going in circles now but yeah lmao

lemme know if you want shang tsung kinks list ig??? jfdsklfj??