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underratedandoverit · 9 months

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You Wanna Wish Away Your Sins (3/3)

After losing to Best Friends at Arcade Anarchy, Kip undergoes shoulder surgery. One person reaching out to him afterwards sends Kip spiraling, turning all the pain and suffering in him into… Flowers? Flowers growing in his lungs?

Kip Sabian/Chuck Taylor. Hanahaki disease. Angst. Hurt/comfort. Emotional hurt/comfort. One-sided attraction. Also tagged this from now on with manipulative Kip.

Marked Mature on AO3 for general content. Warnings for mentions of hospitals, surgery, medical stuff. Described feelings for choking and vomiting.

Other characters on-screen include Penelope Ford, Orange Cassidy. Rest of Best Friends are mentioned. Background ship of Penelope/Kris is heavily implied, but never specifically shown.

part 1 || part 2

On AO3

Finishing this took way longer than I intended. Oops. Mental illness and whatever be damned yada yada. But it's over now. And I am content. It's a whole fic and ended just as I wanted and had planned, surprisingly no surprises during writing lol. I hope it makes sense, there's a little bit there that doesn't get explained, but I have convinced myself that people can put the pieces together considering the mental state Kip is in and how the hanahaki disease works so. Yeah.

If you have read this far, thank you so much, I really appreciate you and your patience if you have waited for this to finish since I originally posted in early September. I see all the kudos and subs attached, they mean the world to me. Would love to hear your thoughts of this now that it's over, as there was a lot of time (obviously lol) and love put into this, so it would mean a lot ;; But I appreciate you all so much either way, thank you for sticking by and reading!! 💜💜

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

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Kip tried to keep his eyes on the television, but he wasn’t registering anything he saw on the screen. Even if he was technically interested in watching the game that was being played, Kip would have much rather been looking at something else. Or someone else. That someone being the man sitting on the couch next to him, being much more into the activity of playing a video game that he was partaking in that Kip was.

While he was glad that Chuck was coming over far more often these days, at the same time it did grind Kip’s mind that they had fallen into this false routine of a casual friendship. Chuck would appear on his doorstep, bring a movie or a game with him for them to busy themselves with that day, maybe some snacks and energy drinks, and the rest of the day they would just hang out, consume the media of the day, and that would be it.

Same talking points every single day. Sitting in the silently designated spots on the couch just far enough from one another that even by accident their hands wouldn’t brush against each other unless they were passing the food and drinks around. Eye contact was brief, almost uncomfortably so if it managed to exist in the first place, and only when one got up from the couch and asked if the other needed something or something similarly surprising happened. Maybe a laugh could gather a quick glance, maybe a sneeze, a cough. And even then it was more often Chuck doing that to Kip, while Kip was trying to steal looks into his direction any chance he could, hoping Chuck would catch a hint.

It had been days, weeks even, maybe. How many, Kip had lost a count somewhere after the first few days, partially because of the pain he was going through, partially because he still found the whole situation so absurd. But the thing he knew for sure, was that it had been too many for comfort.

Every time Kip watched Chuck walk out the door of his house again at the end of the day, his breathing became a little bit tighter, the stabbing pain in his chest more prominent, the sleep during that following night a little shorter.

He was so tired of it all, and with every day that passed him by, it was pushing Kip closer to the realization that he finally had to do something about things. Before the pain was too paralyzing, before the thoughts became too much. Before he just couldn’t do anything about it anymore, before it was all too late.

“…Hey? Kip?”

The Brit blinked blankly a few times, finally registering the voice calling out to him after the words had been repeated a few times. His eyes slowly dragged away from the television screen, facing the brunet sitting on the couch next to him, Chuck looking at him with worry and concern. It was almost adorable to Kip how his brows furrowed and eyes darted around his facial features in clear worry. Almost.

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

Chuck sighed, Kip trying to offer him an apologetic smile as he watched Chuck running a hand through his hair, eyes turning away from the other man again as he shook his head a little. Kip had been too deep in his own head, with his own thoughts to notice Chuck had even tried to talk to him, the guilt almost immediately gnawing on him at the mere thought. He was supposed to try to pay attention to him, to try to make Chuck realize the situation, how close they were, to understand his feelings, to close the gap, to --

“I just wanted to know if you were hungry. We could order something in, maybe. If you’d like.”

For once Kip was thankful that Chuck wasn’t looking straight at him, his cheeks flushing red for a brief moment as he registered the words. Ordering food? Together? At his place, like this, out of the blue? For the first time?

It almost sounded like a date night proposal in Kip’s ears.

He quickly shook the thought from his head, turning away from Chuck to make sure he didn’t even by accident catch a glimpse of the blush decorating his face, desperately trying to not have the words caught in his throat, only partially succeeding.

“Ye-yeah that would be great.”

Chuck was so sincere about this question, just like he always was about everything, he was probably just hungry himself, and Kip was overthinking it all. Once again. But also, what if…

“Great. What would you like to eat?” Chuck’s words cut Kip’s thought process off again, his eyes slowly returning to the other man, watching Chuck pull his phone out of his pocket, eyes landing onto it, seemingly to avoid eye contact with Kip, who just shrugged a little. “I don’t know. Whatever sounds good.”

Chuck’s brows furrowed, suddenly looking back at Kip, making the Brit jump a little. This wasn’t the kind of reaction Kip had expected to his words, swallowing a little surprise lump in his throat as all of a sudden he was very unsure again where this was going. He hated nothing more than the unpredictable nature of their relationship, not being able to read Chuck at moments like this, mostly due to his own emotions and thoughts clouding his judgment and understanding of what the situation called for from him.

“…Okay, I’m going to be fully honest with you.”

The suddenly rather serious tone of Chuck’s voice made Kip’s eyes widen a little, he could feel his whole body tensing up at the sudden shift. Chuck offered him a small smile, most likely in hopes of trying to calm down Kip’s very obviously surprised demeanor, but seeing that smile just made Kip’s whole mind skip another beat instead.

“I’ve been worried about you recently. I actually talked with Penelope yesterday after I left, and she feels much the same way as I do.”

Chuck? Worried? About him? Chuck? Kip’s head was spinning, but he just nodded his head, not even acknowledging the fact that Chuck was also talking about Penelope being involved in this. All Kip cared about was that Chuck was thinking about him, outside of this room, outside of this couch, when he wasn’t around.

Chuck was thinking, and talking, about him.

“You’ve been… Seemingly getting worse each day I see you. You lack sleep, you lack food, you lack energy. I understand you are in a lot of pain with the shoulder and all, but you need to take care of yourself, Kip. Mine and Penelope’s help will only get you so far.”

Kip just looked at him quietly, trying to process the statement in his head, but all his thoughts retracted back to the overall realization that Chuck was worried about him. Thinking about him. That Chuck at least seemed to care more than he led on directly to him, at least before this very moment at hand.

“If there’s something wrong that you need help with, other than what we have been providing so far, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask, you know?”

Kip felt his head nodding itself, despite not approving of the movement in his mind. He was running on a practiced autopilot, still afraid that one casual movement might fuck all this up for him, not being the kind of response that Chuck wanted. This seemed to be enough for the brunet for now though as Chuck nodded back at him, eyes slowly returning to the phone in his hand. Right, he was ordering food. Right.

“So, again: what do you want to eat today? You can get anything you want, as long as it makes you eat. We just want to make sure you take care of yourself.”

At the same time it was endearing that Chuck was doing this for him, but Kip also knew he had to put a stop to this, all of it. While yes his current and constantly worsening condition was making him neglect his own basic needs, both which directly as a result affected his appetite and energy levels, Kip knew that trying to eat some proper food one day wasn’t the answer to his problems. Above all else, his condition was making it not only difficult to breathe, but the pain in his chest and particularly in his lungs made eating at this point a near impossible task.

As the silence from the Brit continued, Chuck glanced towards him, spotting Kip just looking back at him. Whether he was deep in thought or just staring, Chuck wasn’t quite sure.

“Kip?”

“I’m not hungry.”

At least it wasn’t a lie in a sense. Chuck raised a brow at him, slowly lowering the hand holding his phone onto his lap, eyes narrowing a little. Chuck’s eyes lingered on him just a little bit too long, forcing Kip to look away, back towards the television with the frozen game pause screen on it.

“You need to eat something.”

“Food can’t fix this.”

Kip could feel the confusion radiating from Chuck’s face, probably his entire being at this point, but he just couldn’t look back at him. It was so much easier for Kip to process his thoughts if he wasn’t looking at what he was sure was a very worried expression on the brunet sitting on the couch a few feet away from him.

He heard Chuck sigh. Not a very good sign.

“If you eat something, you get energy. You feel better. I shouldn’t need to explain all this to you. Kip, please --”

“This isn’t about food.”

Chuck fell silent as Kip cut him off, probably a bit more aggressively than necessary, but he was tired of this. All of this. Both his inability to do anything about the situation even though he desperately, so very desperately needed it, and the way they both seemed to just dance around the topic and the issues at hand. To Kip, Chuck offering to order him food was nothing but a detour that he couldn’t afford to wait to take to where he eventually needed to be. Kip had suffered long enough, mostly due to his own faults, yes, but Chuck jumping in to push his buttons like this, while a step in the right direction, wasn’t a fast enough track to where they needed to be.

Where Kip needed to be if he wanted to make it through all of this, it seemed like.

“…Are you mad at me?”

Kip’s eyes narrowed a little, but he still didn’t turn to look towards Chuck. All he heard was another quiet sigh.

“I don’t know how many times I can apologize for what happened. You know it was an accident. I’m sorry --”

“I don’t want you to apologize. I don’t care about that.”

If something, it was supposed to be Kip who apologized for everything, and he knew that painfully well.

“Then what is it?”

Kip swallowed thickly, being absolutely certain that Chuck could not only see it but also hear him do it. Kip’s eyes slowly dragged back to him, watching the confusion all over the brunet’s face. If the situation wasn’t so dire and heavy, Kip would have found the look on him endearing. Right now though, seeing Chuck not put the pieces together so easily, filled him with dread instead, along with the knowledge that Kip knew exactly what he needed to do next and the can of worms that he needed to open if he ever wanted to have a shot at things getting better again.

“I need…” Kip stopped, the confusion on Chuck’s face slowly melting into a more expecting look. Both of them were still clearly hesitant, Chuck not knowing what to expect out of him and Kip not being so sure how he was going to phrase this so it made even some sort of sense.

Just say it.

“I… I need you to kiss me.”

The silence that fell into the room felt like it was knocking all the remaining air out of Kip. The longer he looked at Chuck and the unreadable look lingering on his face after the words slipped out of Kip’s mouth, the worse he felt about everything. For once he was being honest about this entire situation and what he wanted out of it, and yet it felt like a worse mistake than anything he had lied to Chuck about so far.

He wanted this. He needed this. This was the trigger Kip had been so afraid to pull for so long now, but he knew that if he didn’t finally say those words, no matter the reaction, it would have terrible consequences for him. He was already suffering, the roots of his problem crawling deeper into his lungs every single day he put it off without even trying to make anything out of it. Kip was tired of it, he was suffering immensely because of it, he just needed to do something. Anything.

After what felt like forever of Chuck just staring at him, Kip was snapped out of his thoughts as Chuck took in a sharp breath, the only way Kip was able to describe his expression being polite confusion.

“You, uh… You what?”

Not sure if Chuck was just making sure or if he really hadn’t understood the statement, Kip bit his lower lip as he turned away from the other man. He inhaled slowly, preparing himself to say those words again. Kip did it once, he could do it again. It was a necessary step forward.

“I-I need. To kiss you. You to kiss me. So-something like that.”

As Chuck didn’t reply for a while, Kip stole a quick glance towards him, trying to gather an overview of the situation. Much to his surprise, Chuck looked like he was in deep thought for a second, as if he was pondering over the request. At least he wasn’t outright denying it from Kip, which in turn as he realized it, made his heart jump back into his throat.

The burning as Kip nervously waited for an answer was worse than the thorns poking inside of his lungs at the moment.

“Would that help? Make you feel better?”

Kip nodded almost instantly, the motion almost frantic, something he couldn’t control. Still clearly in his thoughts, Chuck nodded as well.

“I mean,” he muttered, a hand slowly reaching closer to Kip, the Brit’s focus turning on it with slightly widening eyes, “If… If it helps. I guess.”

Kip watched his hand stopping to hover close to him, slowly his own hand reaching for it. He could feel Chuck’s fingers gently wrapping around his hand, giving it a little tuck, an invitation to come closer. Kip followed suit, shifting over on the couch to slowly make his way to sit down right next to Chuck. For the first time since they had started doing this, for the first time since Chuck had started to spend the days over to keep him company. There had always been a cold, untouched gap between the two of them on the couch, but this was the first time it had been broken, filled, fixed.

And all it took was a small request that Kip should have been able to do in the first place, but it took him weeks and actual concern from Chuck to get to this point.

But there he was now, Chuck still gently holding his hand, running this thumb over his knuckles. A soft, still kind of unsure smile crossing his lips as he was looking Kip straight in the eyes. Chuck clearly wasn’t budging back on this, honestly much to Kip’s surprise, as his free hand slowly crept up to the Brit’s face, palm pressing against his cheek. Chuck’s hand was surprisingly cold against his flushed skin.

“…You sure?”

It was almost as if Chuck was asking that from himself more than Kip, but he pushed the thought aside, just nodding his head again. Without another word, Chuck leaned closer, finally closing the gap that had been antagonizing Kip these past few weeks without remorse, locking their lips together.

The kiss was awkward and hesitant at first, but slowly it felt more natural as they both seemed to relax into it. Soft and homey, but Kip could taste his own desperation in it despite all of it. He knew how badly he not only wanted, but needed this. While he could have joked that it was the matter of life and death, to him it was actually no joke, but merely the cruel reality he barely understood himself at all. Feeling Chuck’s lips finally against his, after the excruciatingly long amount of time of craving and needing nothing more than to taste him so desperately he was suffering from the withdrawals more and more every day, Kip’s mind went blank. He could feel Chuck close, hear his breathing, slowly allowing himself to enjoy it, running a thumb over Kip’s cheek.

Kip had been waiting for this moment for so long, craving for this so badly, that he needed more now that he finally had it, pushing the boundaries first as he found himself without a single coherent thought giving a small bite on Chuck’s lower lip, a silent, desperate request for a deeper kiss. A deeper meaning.

A request that was granted to him, but was also almost immediately and far too fast ripped away from him as Chuck suddenly jolted away, as if he had suddenly in the midst of all of this realized what he was doing and thought better of it.

Eyes opening as Kip felt the hand disappear from his face, he leaned slightly back, watching in emotions swimming in disappointment and confusion as Chuck’s eyes were suddenly on his phone again, the piece of tech buzzing on his lap, suddenly demanding his attention. Almost as if it was mocking Kip and how close he had finally gotten.

“So-sorry, I have to take this.”

Kip just nodded, feeling the body heat of the other man disappearing from around him as Chuck’s hand left his, grabbing a hold of the phone before he stood up, answering the sudden call. He could still salvage this, it wasn’t all lost. Chuck hadn’t denied him this, by the way he was acting it was obvious to Kip that this wasn’t just all in his head. Maybe the kiss had been brief, but there was compassion behind it, he was very gentle about it, there --

“What do you mean that was today?”

Kip’s eyes slowly traveled up to Chuck, watching the brunet run a hand over his face as he sighed. “Yeah I know, I know you need me there for that, just… I was kinda in the middle of something…”

The silence that followed that statement and the way Chuck couldn’t look back at Kip made a familiar lump climb its way back in his throat. Kip tried to cough it out quietly, not to attract attention to himself, just watching as Chuck stepped a little bit further away from him.

“I can be there in twenty minutes, I guess. …Alright, I’ll see you then.”

As he hung up the call, Chuck didn’t even need to say anything. He was sure Kip had heard most of it, and the apologetic eyes and the small smile he offered to him as he finally turned back towards the Brit really didn’t help the case.

“Sorry, I completely forgot we had a photoshoot to do today, I… I gotta go.”

Kip nodded his head, but remained silent as he stood up from the couch. At least this was a start, they were going somewhere. He had put at least part of his desires out there, for Chuck to reach out and react to, if nothing else. This was a beginning, hopefully for the better. Kip wasn’t sure how fast he was supposed to be feeling the effects of his love and affections being returned to him, but so far he was blaming the sick feeling in his throat on the sudden change of pace in the room rather than Chuck not returning his feelings like before.

Maybe he had read all of this wrong. Maybe the sickness had caught up with him just because he didn’t know this was mutual. That had to be it, right?

Kip walked him to the door, Chuck turning back to him again as he rested his hand on the door handle.

“Look, I’m really sorry I have to go, I just completely forgot about this. You know, with having to worry about you and all.”

Kip could feel a smile tucking the corner of his lips, allowing at least a part of it to show. As sad as he was having to watch Chuck walk away yet again without a resolution to this whole problem, at least there was hope. Chuck smiled back at him, leaning closer to press a quick little peck on Kip’s lips, catching the Brit off guard, leaving him looking back at him with wide eyes as Chuck opened the door, stepping outside.

“I’ll see you again tomorrow, alright?”

Kip could only nod before Chuck closed the door, leaving him standing there, heart racing and beating loudly between his ears. Kip leaned against the closed door, inhaling deeply before he sighed, the content smile on his lips only wiped away as he coughed softly, eyes shooting open to witness the handful of purple tinted rose petals he let out of his mouth.

No.

Chuck Taylor still didn’t love him.

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“…Are you sure it’s him?”

Cassidy shrugged his shoulders a little. “I mean, who else could it be? Besides, he has photos of himself that he signs and hands out and a big board on the table with the name ‘Kip Sabian’ on it, so…”

Chuck sighed, running a hand over his face before rolling his eyes. “You could have led with that information, you know.”

Cassidy didn’t reply back to him, just observed the brunet on the couch through his sunglasses. “I thought you would have known. Aren’t you two friends or something?”

Chuck avoided looking directly back at him, trying to make it seem like the question didn’t sting. He hadn’t seen Kip since that day, he never opened the door when Chuck came over the following day or answered any of his calls or texts since. He had been living in complete darkness over what had actually happened with Kip, even Penelope refused to tell him anything apart from a general ‘he’s fine’ every time Chuck asked her something.

“I told you, that was months ago.”

Cassidy just nodded, stopping to observe Chuck as the other man just tried to focus back on lacing his boots. After a long, lingering silence the blond broke it as he spoke up again.

“Do you want to go see him?”

Chuck stopped, eyes slowly dragging up to Cassidy again. He seemed sincere in that question, and if Chuck was being honest, that had been the first thought in his mind since Cassidy had waltzed into the locker room with the news that Kip had been sighted inside the building. The premise seemed rather odd to him, but at the same time, he wouldn’t have put something like that past Kip. A silent man with a suit and a cardboard box on his head, doing a signing that hadn’t been advertised for anyone beforehand. Sounded like it was just down Kip’s alley, in some really weird way, to him.

“Is he still there?”

“Probably,” Cassidy shrugged again. “He seemed to be just setting up when we went into the cafeteria like twenty minutes ago. I doubt he has left yet.”

While he wasn’t quite sure how to take any of it, let alone how Kip was going to take it if he showed up, Chuck nodded a little, still a bit hesitant. Cassidy mirrored the movement, before nodding his head towards the locker room door, asking Chuck to follow him. Not that he didn’t know where the cafeteria was in the building, they had walked past it when they had entered earlier, but maybe his hesitance was on the surface enough that Cassidy thought taking the lead was going to make him regret this less. Make it easier for him.

Chuck followed Cassidy outside, tracking through the hallways for a moment before they arrived at their destination. It was extremely easy to spot the individual not belonging into the group of people in the big, bright, well-lit room, the man standing in the middle of it all by a large table messed up with multiple scattered photos around it, hands behind his suited back as he was observing the room through the eye holes poked on a box over his head.

Chuck swallowed thickly. It didn’t matter if he didn’t see his face, all that was enough for him to recognize him immediately, no matter how many months it had been since or how much things had changed between now and then.

He was so focused on reading the words on the front of the box that Chuck didn’t notice the eyes inside of it land on him. The distance made it a bit harder, sure, but the lights were bright enough and the dark circles surrounding the eyes made them pop for Cassidy to notice the stare at first, even if it wasn’t directed at him.

“Hey,” he muttered, carefully elbowing Chuck to the side to get his attention. “He sees you. I think you should at least go say hello.”

Blinking himself back to the situation, Chuck glanced at Cassidy on his side, the blond just shrugging at him a little. Maybe Chuck’s nervousness was obvious, maybe Cassidy quickly put two and two together from what Chuck had told him before about how their last meeting had ended, but he only sighed, once again leading the way towards the man in a suit and the box, Kip’s eyes never leaving Chuck as they approached. Chuck on the other hand tried to look at everything except him, until he was stopped to stand right in front of the other man he hadn’t seen in months until now.

Through the eye holes of the box Chuck could see his vacant stare just blankly staring back at him, saying it all without saying anything at the same time. Kip looked at him briefly, before providing a photo from the inside pocket of his suit jacket, pulling a marker seemingly out of nowhere along with it. He scribbled something quickly on the photo, handing it to Cassidy, and walked away without looking back or acknowledging either of them further.

Cassidy looked at the photo for a moment before handing it over to Chuck. It was an old promo picture of Kip, in his Superbad gear, with his face crossed over with a red marker and some messy text scribbled next to him.

‘Time changes us all. Embrace the change.’

#setting: hanahaki #fic #character: kip sabian #character: chuck taylor #character: orange cassidy #ship: chuckkip #fic: you wanna wish away your sins #aew fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction

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inkspindle · 5 days

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This post got a lot longer than intended (oops), so feel free to just skim the pretty pictures, or skip to the bits you find most interesting!

I got bored, and wanted to try something out, just to see how it looked. The goal was: Make a visually appealing pixel-object out of very limited colors, which is both clear in visual, and shaded to give a lil depth. While this isn't a tutorial on making old-school pixel art, I'd love to see if this inspires anybody else to give it a try!

Shrunk a public domain photo down for the silhouette of my base here (https://www.publicdomainpictures.net/en/view-image.php?image=173260&picture=tree) and just kinda riffed on it. Tried to "capture" the way it looked (to me) as best I could, while staying true to the original photo.

In order to tempt people into scrolling past the read-more, here is the final image I settled on after taking several passes at it. (Be warned, this is a VERY LONG post!)

(And what it looks like at normal size)

Normally, when I do pixel art, I prefer not to do the thing where you shrink a picture down, and make it more pixellated. But... I've realized there's a bunch of different ways to emphasize those same pixels. So I decided to experiment.

First-off, my initial goal: The background would be the lightest color, and I would then use a darkest color and two mid-tone colors to re-create the entire image. I couldn't work with any other shades, as it would help me simplify the shapes I'm looking at a little better. So I started by blocking in the deepest shadows I could find, and then sculpting them into more satisfying shapes.

While it "worked," I didn't like the end-result. It wasn't terrible, it just didn't look the way that I wanted it to.

The next attempt was to make all my existing shadows the darkest color in my palette, then "fill in" between them with a nice mid-tone. Something to soften the shadows up a bit, and make it look a little more cohesive.

This also didn't quite give the effect I wanted. The shadows are a lovely shape, but I probably added too many of them. I wanted the "focus" on the bits of the tree that were fully highlighted, but it still didn't look right.

While it broke my initial "rule," I tried combining the first picture and the last one, to see what a "happy medium" looked like. The end-result... looked almost identical to the photo that I started with. (Colors notwithstanding.) While the visual effect was a bit more pleasing to the eye, that definitely defeated the purpose of the exercise. So...I started over completely.

SKIP DOWN TO THE TL;DR TO AVOID THE VIDEO GAME HISTORY RANT.

(Certain things have been heavily oversimplified, to make for a shorter explanation!)

Fun lil video-game history fact: Early visuals in video games started with "off" and "on." A lot of the modern limited-palette pixel art you see is directly inspired by the fact that the earliest screens we had to work with could only show visuals in binary; Parts of the screen were "on" (the lighter color) or "off" (the darker color) and we hadn't gotten to the point we could display a crisp white or black, yet. This meant that you might have a green background with darker green artwork. Later on, they were able to add a mid-tone shade or two for sake of depth and detail.

After we went through our early MS Paint era of video game visuals (complete with blinding use of primary colors), people stretched what early processors (CPU/video card/RAM/low-res displays) could handle to the limits. That harsh limitation on what an early computer could display without frying itself, and what it could display at all, led to some extremely clever uses of color-choice, dithering, and cross-hatching, to trick the eye into filling in with colors and shapes where early video game artists couldn't add them.

See, when we talk about "8-bit" games, we're talking about (oversimplified, mind you) the amount of colors and pixels a computer is capable of displaying, both overall, and in a given section of the screen at a time. Individual tiles and character-sprites for old games had a set amount of pixels per "square," and within those "squares," you were only allowed to display a certain amount of colors. Each separate "square" then had to be designed individually.

Some while after we figured out how to display more than "off" and "on," we developed computers that could handle showing a lovely range of different colors. But then we had a new issue; Within a single "square" (8x8, 16x16, etc) of the screen, you could have white, black, and up to 1-2 other colors. The computer couldn't handle displaying anything else; No midtone shades inbetween, no nothing.

So early video game artists compensated for this by sticking to that old method of "chunking" out the visuals on the screen into tiles, which matched that resolution. You wouldn't notice that your computer could only show 2 gray tones in the same square, if that square happened to be a stone wall. The square next to it could then be two different shades of green, and it would make a lovely piece of grass, or a tree, with shading even!

There was a period inbetween where we had such limited colors to work with, people had purple trees, orange grass, and red skies. It created a wild visual effect, and had all the right contrast (see artwork term: "Value") to allow the eye to see the detail needed for games in which visuals were really important, like early point-and-click adventures.

Eventually, artists stretched the limits further. While that resolution was slow to evolve, people began to create complex backgrounds with visible perspective, that blurred the lines between each "square" on the screen. If you wanted to create a diagonal edge, or overlap two objects over eachother, you had to use a set of colors that could apply to both objects you wanted to create.

So!!! FOR THOSE WHO SCROLLED DOWN, tl;dr-

I wanted to see if I could re-create this tree with only 3-4 total colors (+background) in a way that an early computer could have rendered on-screen. That means white/black + 2 colors per "square." Since I didn't like how harsh a pure black looked while I worked on it, I skipped using it. We're going to pretend an old computer could handle these specific shades of pink and purple (spoiler; they absolutely could not)...but the visual effect being used is true to the idea.

A first-attempt was made. I allowed myself one extra mid-tone, just for the sake of smoothing things out. I then decided on 8x8 pixel squares. You can visually see where one stops and the next starts. It had a fun visual effect, and it was much closer to what I was originally going for...but the artists that came before me made nuch nicer artwork with much worse tech, and I could do better. So I took a second pass at it.

THIS was much closer to what I'd been going for. While you can still guess where each square begins/ends, all the extra dithering and more organically-shaped lines helps to blur the edges of each square, without straying outside of them.

If you got all the way down here, you're amazing. I hope this entertained somebody, and that others will like the end-result as much as I do. :)

#pixel #pixel art #dot art doodles #Hey Look It’s ART #long post #don't say I didn't warn you #inkspindle

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st-eve-barnes · 1 year

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Rules: list eight shows for your followers to get to know you better.

I was tagged by @marthawrites and @ewanmitchellcrumbs, thank you ladies!

Buffy the vampire slayer: always my nr 1. I remember when my husband tried to get me into this show and I wasn't feeling it. A show about a teenage girl slaying vampires and falling in love with one, it all sounded very lame to me. But then we watched an episode on tv together, it was "Hush" (every Buffy fan knows enough now lol) and it just changed my opinion completely. That episode was so creepy, so funny, so well written from start to finish. I knew I had to see more. I fell in love with the rest of the show pretty quickly. Some episode are still some of the best tv I've ever seen (The Body!) and now we rewatch it every 1-2 years and I'm still not sick of it. Anyone who hasn't watched it yet please go give this masterpiece a chance.

Friends: I know it's a cliche show but I just adore it, I grew up with it, I've loved these characters for years and I will continue to love them. Another show I like to rewatch every few years. (I'm still very disappointed adult life isn't like it is in Friends lol)

Battlestar Galactica (the 2004 version): hands down best sci fi show for me because it's so much more than a sci fi show. This is so well written, the character development is probably the best I've watched in any tv show. I remember watching it for the first time and just being on the edge of my seat with every episode. Also love that this is a story with a beginning and ending that just feels completely finished, full circle, something that is rare these days.

Ally McBeal: I'm sure my age is showing in these choices lol, but this show shaped me as a young adult. I wanted to be Ally and tackle adult life the way she did, she made me feel it was okay to be a little crazy. The show is just so original, I loved the music as well (I used to buy all the Vonda Shepard cd's lol) and it was so sentimental and melancholic, if you wanted to have a cry you knew you could do it with this show. I haven't rewatched it in a long time so I don't know how well it stands now but I may just have to see for myself soon.

Stranger Things: I know the show gets a bad rep cause it's so overhyped but it's genuinely just an amazing show. I've been on board since season 1 and every season just gets better for me, I mean I already loved it and then they gave us Eddie! :) But seriously, it's just the perfect mix between mysterious horror/sci fi and that 80's nostalgia that takes me back in time. For those how haven't watched it yet, forget about the hype and just watch it.

Haunting of Hill House/Haunting of Bly Manor: yes, I'm listing them both cause I can't really choose. I love ghost stories and I love them even more when they revolve around love (as the show says, a ghost story is a love story) They are both so hauntingly beautiful and sad, the perfect mix between creepy and romantic. And that quote: "I loved you completely. And you loved me the same. That's all. The rest is confetti." has me in tears every time.

Extraordinary attorney Woo: It's still a pretty new show and it only has one season but I have to put this one in here because it is such a gem. I think it's the best way I've ever seen autism portrayed in a tv show. All characters are brilliantly written and the show, a K drama which isn't always my thing, is just so heartwarming and lovely to watch. Definitely recommend!

The Boys: If you're MCU tired (like I am) this show is the biggest breath of fresh air in the superhero genre (and also a big Fuck You to all the other superhero movies/shows). Bold, bloody and disgusting and anything but family friendly lol I was hooked after one episode and I'm still hooked 3 seasons later. This show dares to go where others don't and I just find it hilarious and so on point!

(Oops, that turned out longer than I intended, sorry! lol) I'm tagging @aemondmama @aemondx @neonhairspray @josephfakingquinn @arcielee @lauraneedstochill @jasonsmirrorball @aemonds-wifey (feel free to ignore)

#my fave shows #buffy the vampire slayer #Friends #battlestar galactica #ally mcbeal #haunting of hill house #haunting of bly manor #extraordinary attorney woo #the boys #stranger things

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stargazer-sims · 1 year

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🖊️🖊️🖊️- Seiji, Haru, Victor

Thanks @dandylion240 !

haha I could write a lot about Victor especially, but I’ll try not to go too wild with it 😆 Anyway, here you go! This is going to be kind of spoiler-y in places. Oops 😬

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Hinamori Seiji

Where to start with Seiji...?

Seiji is an only child. As a result, he's very close to his parents, and he also tends to think of his friends as the siblings he never had. He's sure his best friend Takahiro is the closest he'll ever get to having a brother, and he certainly loves him like one.

Seiji and Takahiro met when they were ten years old, when Taka's family moved to Mt. Komorebi from the city. They met before the new school year began, and they were pleased to discover they'd be attending the same all-boys school. Taka was scared about being the new kid in school, but Seiji assured him that he didn't need to worry about it because he'd already be his friend and would protect him if other kids gave him a hard time. He was true to his word, and he and Taka have stuck together ever since, through all the good and bad times in their lives so far.

Seiji is named after his great-grandfather. People who've seen photos of the last man to hold the largely honourary title of Lord Hinamori say that Seiji has grown up to look just like him, and as much as Seiji pretends to scoff at this, he really can't deny the resemblance.

The similarity became even more apparent when he met Sachiko Kobayashi for the first time, and she immediately got down on her knees to bow to him, and called him Hinamori-sama because she initially mistook him for someone from her past. When she was alive, Sachiko had been a servant to Seiji's family on their estate. She'd worked in the now-famous gardens, but had been a particular favourite of Seiji's great-great-grandfather, the elder Lord Seiryu Hinamori, and was often asked to come into the main house to perform other tasks.

Sachiko is the ghost that inhabited Victor & Yuri Okamoto-Nelson's house in Willow Creek. Seiji's meeting with her came about when Taka and his then-fiancé Fox invited Seiji to come and stay with them for a whlie. Seiji, who'd never left his country before, was terrified about travelling to Canada, but he really missed his friends Taka and Victor (and their partners) and wanted to see them, so he agreed to go. He initially stayed with Taka and Fox in their apartment, but soon moved into Victor and Yuri's basement guest room. He said it was to give Taka and Fox back their privacy in their tiny apartment, but it actually had more to do with being close to Sachiko than anything else. He ended up staying a lot longer than he'd originally planned to.

Seiji and Sachiko discovered that they'd each lost someone they loved before having a chance to confess their feelings; Seiji because his unrequited love Tsubaki had died, and Sachiko because she had died before telling her love — Lord Seiji — how she felt.

At first, Seiji didn't know how to react to this ghost telling him she'd been in love with his great-grandfather, but he soon found that he was able to look past that uncanny detail and recognize Sachiko as a sort of kindred spirit (no pun intended). He was able to see her as someone who hadn't yet healed from a devastating loss, and despite himself, he wanted to help her in any way he could.

As it happened, Sachiko helped him too. They grew close, and without even realizing it at first, they fell in love with each other. This caused Sachiko a great deal of stress once she understood what was happening, because their love seemed impossible and she was worried Seiji would be hurt all over again. Seiji, for his part, was determined to find out if there was some way to restore Sachiko to life. Even if it was impossible, he swore to himself that he wouldn't stop until he had an answer, one way or the other. It gave him a sense of purpose that he hadn't had for a long time, if ever.

SPOILER

There did, in fact, turn out to be a way. It wasn't easy, and it took time, effort and a voyage back to Japan. Seiji's friends thought he'd totally lost his mind, but he was absolutely not going to give up once he knew.

Afterwards, Seiji and Sachiko decided not to stay in Willow Creek. Seiji took her home to Mt. Komorebi, and they settled down together and eventually started a family of their own. They often visit the Hinamori family estate, where Seiji's grandparents, uncle, aunt & cousins live, and Sachiko finds great irony in the fact that she is now a lady of the estate rather than a servant.

__________

Abe Sakuharu

One thing about Haru is that he never shies away from a challenge. Because of his disability, there were a lot of things he was never expected to be able to do, including living independently. Although it's true that he might not do well living completely on his own, he's definitely capable of looking after himself and everyone who knows him now considers him to be a functional, independent adult (okay, maybe not everyone thinks he's an adult, but still...)

Haru has a form of FASD (fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) known as alcohol-related neurodevelopmental disorder. Fortunately for him, his physical delays were mild. He was later meeting his milestones like sitting up, crawling, walking and feeding himself than typical kids, but he did eventually meet all of them and is physically "normal" now. His biggest challenges are non-physical, as he has issues with memory, attention, judgment and impulse control. Sometimes he has a hard time regulating his emotions as well. In terms of cognitive delays, he's quite intelligent but struggles with academic things; reading and writing in particular.

As a child, he had behavioural issues, but has since recognized those were mainly due to frustration, anxiety, and an inability to express himself and make his needs and feelings clearly understood. He worked with a therapist when he was a kid/young teen, who helped him develop coping strategies for anxiety, anger and frustration, and helped him find safe and healthy ways to communicate his needs.

Haru loves poetry, music and dance. Performing is the best and healthiest means of self-expression he knows. Most people don't realize it, but for him, being a performer is just as much therapy as it is a career.

One of the best things to have happened in Haru's life recently was meeting his boyfriend, Eden. Haru is afraid to tell most people about his disability because he's scared he'll be judged for it, but he told Eden, and Eden accepted it without any hesitation whatsoever. It's not that Eden is ignorant of Haru's challenges, but that he sees Haru as a whole person and not just as his disability. Haru loves that. One of the things he's constantly craved in his life are people who love and accept him as he is, and he's grateful to have found that in Eden.

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Victor Okamoto-Nelson

After retiring from his career as a competitive snowboarder, Victor ultimately settled on nursing as the profession he wanted to pursue. He's always known he wanted to work in healthcare in some capacity, but it took him a long time to decide because he'd always been worried about whether or not he could handle the training and whether or not he'd be any good in his chosen field.

Since finding out that his difficulties with reading were due to an eye condition rather than an intellectual deficit, his confidence in his ability to do academic things skyrocketed. There was no stopping him once his vision was corrected. He happily wears his glasses or contacts with the same satisfaction and pride as he'd wear a medal after a competition, as if they're a badge of achievement. He supposes they really are like that in some ways, because they represent the moment when he realized he could be way more than just an athlete.

Victor originally thought he might like to do home-care nursing, but his first clinical placement was in pediatrics, and after one day on the pediatric floor of Willow Creek Regional Hospital he immediately knew he'd found his calling. The registered nurse who'd supervised him told his professors that she thought he was a natural with kids. His gentleness and patience (and appropriate silliness) were valuable considerations for his supervisor.

Now, he and his best friend & step-sister Ellie are co-workers at the hospital. Ellie, also a nurse, works in the ICU. They're both extremely busy, but they try to catch up for a snack and a cup of tea whenever their breaks coincide.

Of course, they also spend loads of time together outside work, just like they've done all their lives. "The team" which used to be Victor, Ellie and Leo, has now expanded to include Yuri, as well as Yuri's friend Takahiro and his husband Fox. (Bonus: Leo and Taka also work together at one of the local preschools).

Victor loves his life. He has a job he's passionate about, a beautiful home, and a spouse who's devoted to him and who he's equally devoted to. He's lucky enough to have the freedom and opportunity to do what he enjoys, and he's happy about that. He still takes part in a lot of sports, including snowboarding, and he still likes to train dogs. He and Yuri travel a lot, usually whenever he has vacation time.

He's the uncle (or honourary uncle) to a lot of adorable kids, and he loves that, too. As far as he's concerned, it's the ideal situation. He gets to love them and play with them and teach them things, but doesn't have the problem of being tied down with full-time responsibility for them. His favourite kids are his step-niece Leonora and Camellia Abbottsford, probably because they both remind him of himself at their age.

#sapphire answers #seiji hinamori #victor nelson #sakuharu abe #oc asks #stargazersims

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kohaive · 2 years

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Please tell us about evil Ilana!

this got way longer than I intended oops

vital og ilana lore for context:

in the long ancient past there once existed a divine city known as the city of temples, wherein seven powerful spirits worshiped as gods lived. (they were referred to as divinities.) the oldest, jayang, was known as divinity luck and possessed power over fortune and the karmic cycle.

jayang however was Very Fucking Lazy and had an assistant that did about 90% of the work around the temple as well as making sure they were on time for important rites and festivals. as jayang's right hand, she was generally known as lady luck and possessed luck powers through jayang's blessing. this assistant was ilana.

although ilana devoted herself wholly to jayang, she respected the followers of other divinities and especially those in the city that did not follow any divinities at all. to ilana, every person in the city was worthy of divine protection, whether or not they followed any of the seven gods. she and jayang have several arguments about this, especially when one of jayang's other disciples is forced to change divinities for reasons too complicated to get into here.

after working with jayang for many years, the seventh god finally arrived: the rabbit of fate, kayin. according to kayin's tapestry of fate, they and jayang were destined to be lovers, and sure enough kayin soon had all of jayang's attention despite not giving them much in return. the fact that jayang was spending so much energy on kayin when kayin rarely gave them the time of day in return bothered ilana, especially when she did so much work for jayang and didn't get the same treatment

basically she was jealous lol

at some point, the city collapses in civil war, and the divinities start falling one by one while their disciples kill each other. kayin kills themselves in jayang's arms. ilana and jayang flee, but not before jayang sustains a mortal injury protecting ilana from an attacker. they escape to the unfinished corner, a place full of wild, untouched magic. with their final breath, jayang asks ilana to use their bones to seal the area so it can't be accessed in order to prevent another tragedy like the city of temples. they die, saying that they're going ahead to see kayin.

ilana realizes that using jayang's bones means their soul will be trapped and they will be unable to meet kayin in the afterlife per their wish. she decides to use herself as the seal instead, putting her divinity before herself. however, the seal doesn't kill her as she expects; instead, it keeps her alive and in stasis, sustaining itself using her divine-touched soul as the power source. the sheer magic from the unfinished corner is constantly pressing on the back of her mind, and over tens of thousands of years she slowly loses herself to her grief and resentment, becoming a spirit fueled by hatred: hatred towards kayin, hatred towards the city's destruction, and hatred towards herself.

jayang chooses to be reborn into the mortal realm to walk the earth and spend time with humans, who kayin was so fond of, in an effort to feel closer to them. they stumble across ilana's seal by chance, but they don't do anything because a) they don't realize she's alive and b) they want to maintain the seal on the unfinished corner, which they judge to be too powerful for humanity to know about.

now in the ORIGINAL lore, what happens next is: in modern day, a group of what amounts to professional problem-solvers investigate the memories of the past, and end up stumbling across ilana and her predicament thanks to a memory fragment of another ancient spirit that's been trying to help her but doesn't have the power to do so. they literally cut her away from the manifestation of resentment that she's been trapped in for tens of millennia and restore her sanity, though they can't free her from the seal just yet. she asks them to find a way to break the seal and free her so she can die, because she's so tired. and she wants to rest.

however, in the BAD ending, ilana's resentment and hatred overcomes her completely and she dissolves the seal herself, claims the whole of the unfinished corner's power for herself, hunts down the reborn jayang, kills them, and eats their heart to assume their powers. the result is s'vivana: jaded, finds humanity abhorrent, and resolves to use her ill-gained power to bring about their destruction. she saved the world, and nobody cared. she saved her god, and they didn't return the favor. she gave everything she had for the sake of everyone but herself, and her reward was a torturous, unending solitude she had no choice but to endure.

nobody saved her. so nobody deserves to be saved.

#asked & answered #grapplemace #c: ilana #basically she got tired of being nice and decided to be apeshit #so she ate her god's heart and subsumed their powers #and since jayang was a kitsune she also gets a foxy appearance #also og ilana lore is she's based on the golden dreydl #she originally has brown hair/eyes but her eyes turn orange when she receives jayang's blessing #and then when she sacrificed herself for the seal it bleached her hair and eyes gold

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kiingleoturtles · 11 days

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1,3,9,10 and 12 for the three fic ask game

Okay, let's go:

1. which three fics occupy your top posts? Tell me a bit about the inspiration behind them!

Shopping Trip started off as me just wanting to write some funny silly gay stuff and is my most popular fic haha.

Satisfaction is my second most popular and is my most self indulgent fic by far so kudos to that (pun intended) for doing so well.

And then rounding out the top three is Tongues And Teeth which has done way better than I ever would have expected. So that's quite nice actually.

3. which three fics best represent your views about love / relationships?

Satisfaction for definite. Maybe because it's my favourite fic / pet project but I feel like across the various different relationships I portray (whether platonic, familial, romantic or otherwise).

Although I haven't written much of To Be Loved so far, that's also definitely going to end up being another one representing my views towards that. Maybe it's because I have so many ideas to do with Martel's relationships with the various other cast members and that some of her characteristics are based off of my own but I feel like that's also going to be one with those views presented.

Okay so I can't properly start publishing my third choice because it will be part of a prompt fill week for most of the early chapters. However the current nickname for it is the Heatwave-verse and it has my second most random polycule I've created (aside from the Lesbutches in Satisfaction). But I guarantee that will also end up being a good representation of my views on relationships.

9. oops - your entire fic repository has to be permanently deleted, but you can pick three to remain. which three fics are you saving and why?

Satisfaction, my doc for the prompt fill week that Heatwave-verse is in, and Solstice (which is a lot longer than what's currently posted) because they're my babies.

10. which three fics were you most nervous to post? why?

Solstice because it's original stuff and I'm awkward. Ready for Love because, once again, I'm awkward and anxious. Also Tongues And Teeth because of how dark it is.

12. pick three fics that feature the same trope. what do you like most about writing that trope, and / or how did you do that trope differently in each story?

Satisfaction, Ready for Love, and Solstice all have the Found Family trope because I'm a sucker for that trope, but it varies a lot across the three. In Satisfaction the characters are growing closer as everything happens (and Greed keeps adopting children), whereas Ready for Love there are some characters who were already in a found family but it expands, and Solstice starts off as just Dawn and Dusk having each other until they meet Moonshine (ooo spoilers/teasers hehe).

#ask game #ask answered #thanks for the ask!#writing ask #fma satisfaction au #satisfaction au #ready for love au #rottmnt ready for love au #to be loved fic #fma to be loved fic #fma tongues and teeth au #tongues and teeth au

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go-our-own-ways · 6 years

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Gundam NT - Experience and Initial Thoughts

Hello tumblr...it’s only been 94857589746575 years, eh?

Well. So it finally happened. Gundam NT finally got an official run in America, and I finally got to see it. I’ve finally seen the dang mecha movie that I’ve been dying to see since last November.

Finally!!!

But, not without some dramatic mishaps at first (lol).

I was lucky enough to have my local theater showing the movie, but it took them 20 minutes to get the movie running (it was just a dead screen up until then)...only for us to realize it was for Bohemian Rhapsody, and not, in fact, for Gundam NT. Some jokes were made from the other movie-goers (”Gee, Macross sure looks funny!” “Hey Hawthorn you okay there?”) but soon the chatter turned into serious consternation and concern. Eventually, theater staff told us the movie couldn’t be shown because the projector didn’t have it, so we all filed out of the theater to head to Guest Services. While we waited in line to get vouchers (in lieu of a refund), we were also told that staff was working to fix the issue, so we were welcome to go back to the theater to wait it out.

And boy am I glad I decided to go back up, because soon enough, they had it up and running. THANK GOD.

Unfortunately, they skipped over most of the bonus footage featuring the interview and introduction from the producer and director in the interest of time... I’m actually really sad and salty about that, but it’s better than not seeing the movie at all, at least.

And so, after like 30-40 (or maybe more?!) minutes delay...we finally began the movie proper. LMAO.

Before diving into things, a bit of a head’s up:

Frankly, I’m new to Gundam, and I’m by no means well-versed in Gundam lore. Additionally, I’m also not someone who is usually nitpicky about details in animation or story-telling. So, my POV is basically of a casual bystander who happened to check out the franchise, and decided to stick around because it seems fun and interesting. If you’re someone who is more or less opposite to me...then this “review” of sorts is definitely not for you.

Actual movie thoughts under the cut! Not spoiler free!!!

I’m not gonna lie...honestly my memory of the movie is really cluttered and foggy. However, despite this, I still very much enjoyed watching the movie!

So...pacing. I’m no expert, but I seriously feel like this movie could have benefited from getting like maybe 2 hours of screen time rather than an hour and thirty minutes. It felt like the production team was trying to cram SO MUCH into TOO LITTLE time that the whole movie felt really fast. Despite this, the tension build-up was definitely there, especially as we got closer and closer to the end. About halfway into the movie I began to clutch my coat and scarf (it was quite chilly out today) really tightly just out of the continued anticipation of what will happen next...needless to say, my hands are now very sore, lol.

I do wish the plot wasn’t revealed in such a non-linear way. Of course, flashbacks and the like are sure to be used in storytelling, but much of NT’s story-telling felt more like oddly-placed snippets that went back in time, rather than a series of flashbacks. For the most part, I’d say each of the trips back into the past were important and revealed important information...but it made the movie feel cluttered and kind of all over the place. And honestly, the non-linear way NT’s narrative was told made it difficult to keep up with what was going on and how everything tied into it all until the very, very end. That’s probably my one gripe about this movie, I think.

Now, despite the pacing and the scrambled nature of the plotline, NT was still a lot of fun for me to watch, and I think I can credit the fight scenes, the characters, and the acting for that. The fight scenes were thrilling to see on a BIG ASS SCREEN, for one. And then just generally anxiously waiting at the edge of my seat to see how the battle would pan out is of course always a thrilling part of (my so far very short) Gundam experience. Animation-wise I really don’t know if I can say anything, since I didn’t notice anything especially jarring or bad. But, I’m also terrible at noticing small details when it comes to animation, so it could have also missed it.

The characters were a pleasure to watch, in my opinion. Rita honestly seemed like a cooky mystic Newytpe for most of the movie, and it really grated on my nerves. I kept thinking, “Surely there’s more to her than wondering about heaven and wanting to be reincarnated as a bird.” But the very end of the movie finally revealed the more human side of her, and that definitely made me feel better about her as a character. I do wish they could have shown more of Rita’s human-ness, but I suppose in the interest of time, they couldn’t.

Michelle seemed really cool, up until she started to look like a nasty manipulative player with huge stakes on the line. But as more and more of her story unfolded, I began to see the layers of the onion, so to speak. I was glad that she wasn’t just a vengeful person greedy for power, and at the same time I was also glad she wasn’t just another corner in a love triangle. Her humanity was evident, but I wished that we could have seen more of it through showing rather than telling. Ultimately, it was Brick who made the final reveal on Michelle’s true character in his last message to Jona, and I just wish that we could’ve seen more of it through Michelle’s own actions instead. We did get glimpses of it, of course, and I suppose maybe choosing to not show it much was to reflect that side of Michelle’s character--someone who guards her personal emotions closely and puts on a show, a facade for the public to see. But even then, I still wish we could’ve had more glimpses into Michelle’s humanity through her own actions.

Jona, Jona, Jona... Where do I even begin. Ultimately, I resonated with his humanity the most, I think. Seeing how much he still thought about those years with the lab even after all this time, how angry he was with Michelle, how distraught he was over Rita being taken away...it all felt very raw and very human. I guess it was just all very relatable, seeing how emotional Jona could be. I’m a pretty emotional person myself in the sense that I feel emotions very intensely, and it seemed like Jona’s personality was like that, too.

He says a line towards the end of the movie where he’s wondering out loud what is the point of continuing to live. He pretty much wonders, after the only people you cared about have left, after you’ve witnessed such horrendous things, after you’ve had to LIVE through such awful events...what even is the point anymore? I really felt for him in that moment. It made me remember how much I’ve wanted to give up before when everything seemed to be terrible and miserable in life. When nothing seems to go well, what point is there to continue going on, right?

Then there’s the returning characters from Unicorn. I was happy to see all the characters who returned, of course, but MAN...I was SO happy to see Banagher finally, at the very end of the movie. And the words of encouragement he says to Jona...the classic “Even so...” MAN. MAN OH MAN did I cry...! Like I mentioned before, I was already really resonating with Jona in like the prior scene, so the emotion from seeing Banagher again combined with the emotions from HEARING those words of hope...that really did a number on my heart, and in a good way.

The dub cast did a fantastic job, I thought. Normally, I feel like I’m suffering every time I have to watch a dub, but the cast made it work for this movie. I think the only bone I have to pick would be Rita’s dub actress, and that may just be personal preference. I figure the actress was told to sound kind of mystic and airy (since that’s basically Rita’s personality for about 99% of the movie, so that’s a fair direction to take with the acting), but it sounded a smidge too...fake? plastic? for me to really buy into. But again, this is probably just me being picky, lol. I LOVED the acting for the other 3 main characters though (Jona, Michelle, and Zoltan). I have to commend Jona’s dub actor (Griffin Puatu) because he really pulled off a similar tone and feel to Enoki Junya’s acting, I thought. (At least, based on the long preview; I’ve yet to watch the first 23 minutes of the JP version of the movie.) I have other thoughts for the other actors but I think I’ll leave them for another day... Also, I’m merely a fan when it comes to voice acting, so these are purely just the feelings and thoughts the performances gave me as a viewer, and nothing more.

So, after having seen Unicorn AND Narrative, I really get the sense that the story of Newtypes, and I guess Gundam on the whole, is about humanity. At its very core, Gundam is seeking to tell a story about the differences that could tear us apart, but also the humanity that holds us together. It feels like watching a story that tries to remind us that at the end of the day, no matter our differences, we’re all human, and we ought to remember that if we ever hope to survive as a species.

Furthermore, I really feel like Gundam is trying to show the importance of both communication and emotion. Both UC and NT showed how Newtypes can communicate on a higher level, but that communication typically ultimately conveyed the person’s feelings and will. Sure, we got thoughts and important backstory too, but I think the main thing we tend to get from their communications is emotion--what is that person feeling, and how is that emotion then translating into the actions they’re taking. Not only that, but we also then see the subsequent actions taken in response to being revealed someone’s deepest, innermost feelings. Of course, there were times when the person was mercilessly murdered, be it by accident/misunderstanding or out of “necessity,” but there were also moments where the action taken ended up being to withdraw an attack, or to let go of the captured person.

Maybe this is just me going off on a limb, but I think that’s a really important message to take in. Communication is important, but what’s even more important is communicating our emotions to others, and respecting others’ emotions in turn. That’s probably the big message I take away from seeing the Newtypes’ stories in Unicorn and Narrative.

Well, needless to say, I’m now very curious to see how the UC plotline continues on. We’re already slated for another movie this upcoming winter, so I guess I’ll have to wait until then. In the meantime...I suppose I’ll finally get around to finishing Origin (lol). Even if the next movie doesn’t show much of the previous characters, or even if the JP voice cast doesn’t feature anyone I know, I think I know too much of the plot now to be able to abandon the series.

All in all, NT was a fun movie to watch. I definitely don’t recommend watching it if you haven’t watched Unicorn yet, but once you get through Unicorn, NT is a nice way to wrap up the story from that point of the UC timeline.

Now to eagerly await the BD release for those sweet, sweet bonus materials! :3c

#this ended up way longer than I originally intended oops #oh well!!! LOL #gundam NT

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chuuya-centric · 4 years

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down CATACLYSMICALLY 🤕

character: chuuya nakahara

genre: fluff, smut

warnings: gn afab reader, no pronouns used, alcohol mentions / use ? unorganized as FUCK — read at your own risk 🚶 these r also much longer than i originally intended 🤒🤕 they get kinda bad at the end bc im lazy asf and just wanted to be done with these im sorry yall LMAOO

↬he he i he he i i hhnhshgghfgg

↬lord please god passionate+romantic sex with this man is all i ask you for please ill never ask for anything ever again 🙏🙏🙏

↬now i would like to start this with a disclaimer by saying chuuya is usually vv rough and passionate and would manhandle your ass 😁🤞 however these hcs will be like 🧍 slow ................. and passionate ??? not gentle per se but just romantic amd uhm very much "love making" if u will 💯

↬sensual ?? i think ????

↬hhndhsgh ik we're all horny and just wanna be used like a ragdoll but please hear me out yall

↬emotional and passionate sex !!!!!!!!! this usually happens whenever chuuya gets drunk (bc i think he is a v emotional drunk, and if he's w his s/o i think he gets vv sentimental / touchy-feely

↬ofc if you say no or reject his advances he wont do anything other than cling to ur side but if u dont do anything to stop him you will 100% be in his bed by the end of the night 🔥🔥

↬starts out as him havin a lil too much to drink nothin new yk and then he gets more touchy / physically clingy than usual 🧎

↬a lil off topic but he would absolutely fight anyone who tried to flirt w you / anyone who looked at u the wrong way LMAOOO not saying u have to babysit him but 🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 taking him back home would be the smart thing to do as to avoid bar fights

↬but back on track i think chuuya would refuse to leave your side 💀 he would be all over u so unless ur into like hardcore pda u fr better take him home 💀💀

↬he's a horny menace 😕👎

↬okay so blah blah blah yall r back home now what ? now he rlly starts getting emotional 🚶 he's just so grateful to have u in his life and he loves you so much and what if he's not good enough for you ???? how could u love someone like him ?????? what if— please just shut him up with a tender kiss 🤒☹️ tell him u love him very much

↬he............hhbbgdgshhhh i was talking to @chuuyasbf ab this but dhshsbhhhhhh we came to the conclusion that he'd like smother u in kisses oh my fucking god 💔🙏 like he'd just cover your mf face in kisses and i— bursts into tears

↬now by this point this is where he'll start communicating his feelings thru actions rather than words so please expect a very heated makeout session (that leads up to the best sex of ur life 😏)

↬"he just goes “oops, missed a spot *kiss* oops, theres another one *kiss*" - @chuuyasbf and i honestly could not agree more please 🧎🧎 hhnbbhghghh

↬but back to the makeout session it started after u shut him up w that kiss yk and u were both just sitting on the couch, originally basking in the others presence, before the words just started flowing so ofc u gave him a lil kiss n told him he was enough and that u loved him so so much and he pulled you back for another n another til u were sitting on his lap w his tongue in ur mouth

↬and things progressed n progressed n next thing yk he's got you intoxicated (his kisses r life changing ok 🤨🕶️🤏 even if he were sober it'd just be hjndhdghgggh) but like yall know when ur grinding against them n they buck their hips up a lil ? yeah <33

↬HE'S SO HANDSY OMFG ESP IF YOURE SITTING IN HIS LAP 🙏🙏🙏 after he's pulled you as close to him as humanly possible (im talkin chest-to-chest, hip-to-hip — he is a very intimate person and greatly enjoys physical touch argue w the wall ab it) his hands go from finding purchase on ur hips and guiding your movements to pulling at ur hair to feeling u up to running his fingers up n down ur back to helping you take your shirt off. he cannot for the life of him keep his hands to himself

↬in reality he'd shift you onto his thigh before making ur neck his next target for his kisses (and hickies)

↬when you start whining for more and saying his kisses aren't enough, thats when he'll sober up enough to be snapped back to reality n to carry you to his room 🧎 or so you thought 😚

↬confused, u didn't get the hint until he bounced his leg, once, twice, oh— and even after you'd understood what he wanted you to do, he'd grab ur hips and completey take control of the pace n grind u against his thigh almost agonizingly slow, all while leaving some awfuy dark hickies on ur lower neck n a handful on ur collarbones

↬ofc theres some muttered praise and "i love yous" as well. he'll tell you how good you look, getting off on his thigh like this

↬he'll take u back to his room only after you've cum against his thigh 🧎🧎 consider it a warm up LMFAOO

↬when he finally does get up from the couch, he'll probably use his ability to help stablize yall a little 💀 (he had a lil too much to drink pls dont clown him)

↬whereas he'd normally toss u onto the bed, this time he took his time to set u down gently before settling down in between ur thighs and— hey wait a damn minute when did this mf find the time to get your pants off huh—

↬aye speaking of which i think chuuya is rlly big on eye contact regardless bc its honestly just vv intimate to him 🧐🚶

↬yall know when they like ............. when theyre like caressing / holding your thigh n looking up at u n they kiss ur inner thigh while maintaining eye contact or whatever ...................... <33

↬i think his praise kink especially shines thru when he gets drunk bc he will take his mf time covering you in kisses and hickies all while showering u in praise n telling u how beautiful u r and ab how much he loves you

↬he knows his words usually tend to be / sound harsh, but at the end of the day he loves you sm more than words will ever be able to convey :((

↬def tries to make up for that (when he's drunk 🙄 emotionally inarticulate ass 🚶) by showering you in praise and doing his best to be tender and gentle

↬and to be fair he'd be content w smothering u in praise and kisses for the rest of the night n probably would if u let him 🧎🧎 please snap this mf back to reality by yanking his hair n whining for more

↬in which case he will be happy to oblige 😚 he's def the type of person to get off on his partners pleasure so that being said this mf will make sure u cum on his tongue at least twice before properly fucking you

↬whenever hes drunk he tends set a rather slow pace but dont let that fool you 🧎 the entire thing is so fucking intimate oh my lord you will be seeing stars by the time he's done w you

↬his thrusts r much deeper n more precise than usual and he puts one of ur legs on his shoulder and has the other pressed up by ur head it really just enhances everything yk ?? 😁😁 (mating press kinda ??????? not exactly but)

↬he ends up alternating between leaving (more) hickies on ur neck n shoulders and actually kissing you as well (your lips r gon be bruised asf by the end of it all sorry 🔥💯)

↬even drunk he loves to overstimulate you omfg 🤤 loves seeing you get all teary-eyed from the pleasure (even better if u actually cry 😏🕶️🤏) bc to him it shows that he's done a good job

↬aftercare w drunk chuuya is a lil sloppy tbh 😕 probably immiediately passes tf still inside u after pressing like a final kiss to ur forehead LMFAOOO

↬but dw he makes it up to u in the morning !!!!! after taking care of his hangover first tho 💀 once he's feeling better himself, he'll def offer to draw u a bath and, lets pretend he has the day off here, after that all he rlly wants to do is cuddle for the rest of the morning

↬do not bring up how clingy he was last night LMFAOOO his face will get so red so fast (unless ofc thats ur goal in which case go right on ahead 😚😚😚)

↬please do, however, kiss his forehead and tell him that u love him n that he did a good job last night

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd x reader #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #city.journalist #nero.after.dark #cotton.candy.clouds #gn.afab.reader #gn.reader

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hamletthedane · 3 years

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Man that Kenneth Branagh post hit home he takes himself waaayyy too seriously. I HATE his version of Hamlet…. Like if you’re going to mess around w the time period of a Shakespeare play you gotta do it right, you know? You’ve gotta do it in a way that adds something interesting. Two of the best versions of hamlet I’ve come across are an adaptation set in the 1980s and a post apocalyptic version— i think they work so well because of how they juxtapose the expectations of the audience. In my opinion Branaghs setting adds nothing. The sets are so damn bland i can’t figure out why but there’s just something off about them.

That ended up being a way longer ask than i originally intended oops

Oh man. Several years ago, I wrong a whole post about how much I hate Kenneth Branagh’s Hamlet.

One undergrad and doctoral degree later, I still agree with my 11th grade self: Branagh’s Hamlet is boring, unimaginative, and poorly directed and performed. Branagh’s only saving grace is that the performance includes nearly 100% of the folio lines and thus is the most “accurate” for classrooms. It kills my soul just a tiny bit.

#sometimes this is a shakespeare blog #willy shakes #hamlet #shut e up #asks answered #omg thank you for the message I am always down to roast Branagh

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refinedbuffoonery · 4 years

Text

Quarantine Moments (5)

This is my two favorite things in one: space stuff and making these pining idiots feel things, so it ended up being way longer than I intended. Oops. Enjoy some meteor shower shenanigans. :)

*****

It’ll be fun, they promise.

We don’t need a tent, they say. We’ll sleep in the bed of the truck, they say. We’ll all fit, they say.

It’ll be fun, they promise again.

Riley knows better than to take “It’ll be fun” at face value. Especially when it comes out of Mac’s mouth.

Five months into quarantine, when Riley’s favorite space nerds ask if she wants to drive out to the desert to watch a meteor shower, she agrees immediately. It’s a quick out and back trip. The plan is to have an early dinner, drive out to the desert for the night, and leave early in the morning before the August sun cooks them alive. Riley balks at their plan to sleep in the truck instead of a tent—sleeping in a truck bed always hurts, no matter how many blankets and pillows there are—but the boys’ excitement is infectious, and Riley can’t bring herself to say no.

They argue about where in the desert to go. Mac wants to drive all the way to Death Valley, but Riley and Bozer shoot it down immediately. A four hour car ride is too far for an overnight trip. Then Bozer suggests Joshua Tree, but Mac claims it’s too popular. (Like there will be flocks of tourists there during a pandemic, but whatever.) So Riley forces them to compromise on Anza Borrego. It’s farther than J Tree, but not nearly as far as Death Valley, and they can pick up breakfast burritos in San Diego on their way home.

Mac and Bozer never object to breakfast burritos.

The boys do all the planning and preparation, so when Mac tosses Riley the keys to the truck, she’s almost surprised. “You’re driving,�� he says. “Bozer’s in the back.”

“Man, why am I always in the back?” Bozer complains.

“Because Riley is a better driver than you.” Content to let them bicker, Riley smirks and starts the engine.

“No,” Bozer corrects from the middle seat, “Riley is a faster driver. Not better.”

At the same time, Riley and Mac both say, “Same thing.”

“Unbelievable.”

The drive goes much faster with Riley behind the wheel, although she refrains from rubbing it in. The sky shifts from lavender to deep blue to inky black as they drive away from the setting sun.

It always amazes Riley that they can be so close to SoCal’s endless suburban sprawl, and yet be in the absolute middle of nowhere.

The moon is barely more than a sliver in the sky, and when they drop down into the desert, the vast darkness swallows the headlight beams. Riley rolls her window down, feeling the dry, balmy air caress her cheeks and neck.

She figured someone else would have the same idea as them, but there isn’t another human soul as far as Riley can see. Even farther, most likely.

When Riley gets out of the truck, the first thing she does is look up. The sky isn’t black at all, but rather a deep indigo alight with more stars than she could count in a thousand lifetimes. The Milky Way arcs overhead, and Riley’s eyes track it from one end of the horizon to another. It makes her feel small.

It’s comforting, Riley thinks, to be reminded of her insignificance in the grand scheme of the universe, a welcome break from the constant world-ending consequences of her daily life.

The trio get to work making their bed for the night. Mac’s two-person camping mattress goes down first, then the pillows and blankets. They didn’t even bother to bring sleeping bags since the nighttime temperature would only dip into the mid-seventies.

Riley finds a tumbleweed near the front of the truck to pee behind before joining Mac and Bozer in the back. They’re lying on opposite sides of the truck bed, leaving as much space as possible for her in the middle. Realizing how close she’ll be to Mac, Riley takes a deep, steadying breath, grateful that it’s too dark for the boys to see her face. She should’ve begged Bozer to take the middle when she had the chance.

Cursing herself for wearing booty shorts and a tank top, Riley tries not to notice how her bare skin brushes Mac’s as she squeezes into her spot. She blushes anyway. There is definitely not room for three people. They should’ve just brought the damn tent.

She misses the days when she could be in Mac’s personal space without every nerve in her body being acutely aware of how close he is. Everything was so much easier then.

Covering herself in one of the thinner blankets—more for comfort and security than anything else—Riley sinks into the pillows and looks up. She knows the Perseids originate from the constellation Perseus, but there are so many stars that she gets lost trying to orient herself in the sky. As she opens her mouth to ask for help, a bright silver light zips across the horizon, gone in less than a second.

“Did you see that?” Bozer squeals.

Riley laughs softly. “Yeah, but I have no idea where it came from, or where I should be looking.”

It’s Bozer’s turn to laugh. “For starters, don’t look straight up. Look near the horizon.” He points toward a random spot in the distance, his hand a dark shadow covering the glittering sea beyond. “As Perseus gets higher in the sky during the night, the meteors will appear to come from higher up too.”

Riley nods before realizing he’s not paying attention. “Thanks.”

As she studies the heavens, the sense of ease settles over her once again. Riley feels her body start to let go of the stress she’s been holding onto for months—the awkwardness of living with Mac, the endless pile of work stuff she has no motivation to do, worrying about her mom and Bozer’s parents, waking up every morning to increasingly batshit news headlines. Out here, she can escape, if only for a few hours.

Riley catches three meteors in quick succession, each darting across the sky in a completely different direction. Mac hasn’t said a word since they laid down, so when Bozer gets up to pee, Riley nudges him with her knee and says, “You’ve been quiet.”

Mac doesn’t look at her as he speaks, his gaze locked on something straight overhead. “Ancient Chinese astronomers believed Vega and Altair were lovers, forever kept apart by the Milky Way.” He points. “Vega is one of the brightest stars in the sky. It’s in the constellation Lyra. And over there is Altair, which is part of Aquila, the eagle.”

Riley hesitates, trying to separate fact from innuendo. A pit forms in her stomach as she understands why he’s drawn to these stars in particular.

Mac must mistake her silence for being unable to find the stars, because suddenly his arms are around her and he’s pulling her toward him so her head rests on his shoulder.

His touch feels like stars dancing on her skin.

Mac’s bicep grazes her cheek as he points again, and Riley has no trouble following the line of his arm to a particularly bright star nearly straight up. That must be Vega, the bright one. The other blends into the Milky Way too well for Riley to pick it out. Her voice catches as she half-lies, “I see it.” His arm drops, but instead of letting her go, Mac’s hand rests on her ribcage.

Riley nearly stops breathing as her heart pounds loud enough that she’s sure Mac can hear it. She doesn’t know what to do. This is uncharted territory, him holding her like this. They’re in each other’s personal space all the time, but they’re never handsy. Riley has never been a very touchy person, and she knows Mac isn’t either.

So this...Riley doesn’t know what to make of this.

“Show me something else,” she manages. Mac takes a shaky breath beneath her.

He points in a different direction. “Over there are Sagittarius, which looks like a teapot, and Scorpius, which looks like a hook or the letter ‘J.’” Riley finds the constellations easily. “Between them is the supermassive black hole that exists in the middle of the galaxy. All of the matter in the Milky Way orbits around it.”

Riley smiles. Mac and his black holes.

Bozer is taking an awfully long time to pee, and Riley starts to think there might be an ulterior motive to his disappearance. She hollers, “You good, man?”

“Yeah! Got a little performance anxiety from this creepy bug staring at me.”

Riley and Mac burst out laughing. Tears sneak out of Riley’s eyes as she holds her stomach, giggling until her lungs ache. Just when she starts to get it together, Riley makes the mistake of looking up at Mac, and they both crack up all over again.

If Riley could stay in this moment forever, she would. Laughing with Mac feels like stepping into a patch of sunlight on a chilly day.

Mac is still looking at her when they finally recover. Not in Bozer’s direction, not up at the stars, but at her. Riley bites her lip. She could do it right now. Tell him how she feels.

But a bigger part of her knows that it’s not the right time, no matter how much she wants it to be, no matter how many small moments give her hope that she’s not alone in her feelings. Relationships with a messy beginning never last. Right now, they’re not meant to be, but Riley lets herself hope that maybe, just maybe, in the future, they will be.

Until then, she’ll do whatever it takes to protect her heart. Starting with loving him quietly, and never expecting anything other than platonic love in return. Just having him in her life is enough.

Bozer climbs back into the truck, and Riley moves to extricate herself from Mac. His arm tightens around her at first, but when Riley pulls away again, Mac lets her go. She doesn’t think about what it might mean if she stayed.

The three of them lay together for hours, just looking up at the stars, until Bozer yawns. Riley can’t help but follow suit.

“Mac,” Bozer says. “Did you set the alarm?”

“Yeah. My phone is right here.” Mac pats a pillow above Riley’s head.

She can’t believe what she’s hearing. “Alarm?”

Mac explains, “The meteor shower’s peak is between three and four am. So unless you’d rather stay up all night...” He trails off.

Riley groans. Of course.

She pulls up a second blanket and rolls onto her side, facing Bozer. Safely tucked between her boys, Riley drifts off almost immediately.

Riley wakes before the alarm goes off, struggling to breathe. It feels like someone’s sitting on her chest.

When she opens her eyes, Riley realizes it’s two someones.

She’s lying on her back. Between Mac’s arm thrown over her shoulders and Bozer using her chest as a pillow, their combined weight is uncomfortably heavy. They probably got cold and rolled toward her in their sleep. The thought makes her smile. Riley rolls onto her side to dislodge Bozer and ends up flush against Mac’s chest. His warm breath tickles the back of her neck, sending shivers down her spine.

Shit. She should’ve included not torturing herself in her resolution to love him quietly.

Riley tries to move again, but it’s futile. She’s stuck. As if to further prove her point, Mac’s arm slides down her body and wraps around her waist, pulling Riley closer like she’s his favorite teddy bear. The gesture makes her melt. Bozer reaches out then, sleepily trying to find his missing pillow, and his hand settles on Riley’s forearm. If Jack could see them now, he’d kill Mac and Bozer without a second thought, but Riley likes being wrapped up in her boys, likes feeling warm and wanted and protected.

She’s still smiling when she falls back asleep.

The alarm blares in her ear, and Riley can’t do anything about it. Her arms are trapped. She groans. “Turn it off.”

A weight lifts from her side, and then an arm bumps her face as someone mercifully turns the alarm off, followed by a mumbled “Sorry.” Riley isn’t awake enough to recognize the rough, sleepy voice. It sounds nice though, she thinks. She wouldn’t mind hearing it again.

The weight returns, and the same voice says, “I hit snooze. You have five minutes.”

It’s Mac, she realizes with a jolt. Bozer would never be so merciful.

Now she really wants to hear that voice again.

Mac strokes her shoulder, coaxing Riley into consciousness, and damn him, it works. Her eyes flutter open. It’s still dark out, and Bozer faces them, his head resting beside Riley’s chest, the comma to her and Mac’s quotation marks.

“Riles, move. I have to pee.” Swallowing her disappointment, Riley uses her feet to push Bozer back to his side, taking back her space.

“I’m awake,” he slurs.

Riley feels Mac’s chest rumble as he chuckles. “Sure you are.” He gets up, and Riley immediately mourns the loss of contact.

He’s back by the time the alarm goes off again, and this time Riley turns it off herself before sitting up to stretch, her joints popping softly. The stars look completely different now. Riley still doesn’t know how to find Perseus, or even what the constellation looks like, but it doesn’t matter. The meteors are more frequent now, nearly two a minute. Most are quick, bright flashes, but a few are slower, gracefully crossing the sky before burning up.

Someone—Bozer—kicks her in the back. “Riley stop blocking the view.” Rolling her eyes, she lays back down.

She’s exhausted, and her body hurts, but it’s all worth it when a massive, glowing meteor arcs across the sky in slow motion, lingering for a few seconds before winking out of existence. “Wow,” Riley whispers.

Mac and Bozer promised her fun, and sure enough, they deliver.

Riley hovers in that sweet spot between sleep and being awake until the sky lightens and the first rays of sunlight stretch across the desert. The air seems to hum, the way it always does in announcement of the scorching summer sun. Riley and the boys pack up in record time, and Mac blasts the air conditioner even though it’s barely six am.

Leaning into the pile of pillows occupying most of the backseat, Riley orders, “Wake me up when you have my burrito. Goodnight.”

She dreams of shooting stars and the warm embrace of a certain blonde nerd.

#beth writes #macgyver #quarantine moments #drabble #angus macgyver #riley davis #wilt bozer #no edits we die like men #macgyver fanfiction

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writefightandflightclub · 4 years

Text

Wicked Game (Nathan Bateman x reader)

Summary: Interning for an eccentric billionaire certainly makes for some unusual moments. On this occasion, you are woken by Nathan blasting Wicked Game (listen to the song for the vibe) in the middle of the night. You’re just doing your best, honestly, not to fall in love with him. It should be an easy task, but there’s something about this sexy, robot-fucking oddball giving you a dancing lesson that has you wanting to go all-in.

Author’s note: this is a very quick one inspired by an ask from @spider-starry about Nathan teaching reader to dance. I went for mildly creepy rather than cute vibes, idk (Nathan is odd but captivating, after all). But I wanted to (try and) recapture just a little of the vibe from the original dance scene.

Warnings: TEEN. Potential spoiler from the movie. Blood, injury, mention of prior wound and scars, swearing, mentions of alcohol. Mild sex reference. Shirtless Nathan is a warning. Nathan is a warning in himself. Dancing.

GIF: @cracked

The noise. That god awful noise. What is it?

Your hand reaches out from beneath your duvet to flick on the lamp, and you peel one eye open at a time, groaning softly beneath the blanket before peeling that down from your eyes too.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

Is it...? No, it can’t be.

You had learned to expect the unexpected, while interning with Nathan, but this? This takes the biscuit.

Chris Isaak’s Wicked Game is blaring through the speakers in your bedroom at the ungodly hour of - you squint at your phone by your bedside- 2 am.

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart) No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

You peel the blanket down a little further and slam your fists down to your sides in aggravation, the assault on your senses an unwelcome departure from slumber.

“Nathan fucking Bateman,” you curse under your breath, lying there huffing and sighing, your body as stiff and tense as a board as you let the song play out.

It finally ends and you burrow back into your pillow, and yet, Chris Isaak seems to have other ideas; the song just starts up all over again.

You listen to it three times through. Text him “Nathan!” three times to no avail. And then, you finally chuck off the duvet and track out through the darkness, as intrepid as you are angry, into the main living space.

He’s probably drunk again, but honestly, you brace yourself because you never quite know what you’re going to walk in on where Nathan is concerned.

The sight which befalls you is surreal, and a little creepy, to say the least.

Nathan is arm-in-arm with Kyoko, shirtless and barefoot. The robot is dressed in a little slip set. At first, your reaction is to shield your eyes, in case he’s banging her - or, about to.

At second glance, you realise that he’s... dancing?!

This is some next-level aloof billionaire eccentricity, right here.

Nathan is sweeping Kyoko around the floor, in an oddly impressive display of grace and footwork, his strong arms and muscled torso poised and proud as he easily manipulates her around the floor. The whole “dance floor” is bathed in a red, softly pulsing light, which only emphasises the contours of him.

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you

You fully intend to interrupt so that you can simply get him to turn it down and clamber back to bed, and yet, you are somewhat captivated. By the bizarreness of the situation, as well as the movement of him, lithe and powerful and -dare you say it- majestic. By the intensity in his dark, focused stare. The way he moves is seductive, sensual, enthralling, and you can’t help but watch him from the shadows.

“Wanna dance?” he says with his back to you, meaning he already saw you a good minute ago and didn’t let on. What’s more, he says it so casually, as if any of this could be considered normal. (The billionaire you live with in an underground house has perfected an AI / human dance routine to Wicked Game, and he’s asking you to join him at 2 am? Yes, exactly what you expected from your summer, naturally) .

Clearly, Nathan saw you standing there ogling. Oh, brilliant. Like you needed to provide him with any further evidence that you’re attracted to him.

You shake those thoughts out of your head as Nathan dips Kyoko with one arm, in a move that looks far too well-rehearsed, and try to remember why you’re stood there in your pajamas in the first place.

All you can muster is to flap your hands next to your ears and yell “the noise!” over the music, as the song loops all over again.

“Sorry. Not used to having people around. Forgot the speakers hook up to your room.”

That’s an unlikely oversight for a man so detail oriented, you reckon.

“Wanna dance?” he asks again, with far too much normalcy. “Tear up the dance floor with me?”

“Why?” you ask, realising he has already succeeded in distracting you -miraculously quickly- and that you’re longer on track to berate him for the noise.

“Kyoko’s too good. You’ll make mistakes,” Nathan says plainly, releasing Kyoko’s grip and rubbing her arm, whispering to her to step aside. Then, he extends the frame of his arms in your direction, as if he might cradle you against his shirtless body next.

In case you were wondering how you differ from Kyoko, the blood pumping around your body at the sight of him like that certainly serves as a reminder, that you are very much human, and that his body can affect yours it ways it never can hers.

What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

Maybe this is a dream. You certainly feel like you’re sleepwalking, as your feet travel towards him of their own accord, and the red light and the deep, slurring croon of the music give everything an other-worldly feel.

“Are you drunk?” you ask as his arms slot around you.

“No more than usual,” he answers, positioning you closer to him, tucking you into him and his arms forming a perfect, sturdy frame around you. You’ve never been this close to him, and quite frankly, it’s a little more intoxicating than you bargained for. “Are you?” he asks as you practically swoon against him, losing your footing already.

“No,” you say bashfully. “I just can’t dance.”

He ticks up a satisfied eyebrow, beginning to sway you gently against him to help you feel the rhythm. “Good. Routine’s getting a little samey with Kyoko. I like new variables in the equation.”

The proximity is making you nervous, but you wouldn’t move away from him for the life of you. Plus, despite his eccentricities, and somewhat intimidating, cool demeanor, Nathan somehow manages to put you at ease. Perhaps the surrealism of the situation helps with that too. You can almost pretend it isn’t happening.

“So, when the chorus kicks in, you shimmy your hips like this,” he says, gyrating his hips expertly against you.

And I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

“Oops,” you apologise, stepping on his toes already and fumbling your footwork. You are tripping over your own thoughts as well as your feet, and to be honest, you think you can be forgiven, as this hot man presses up against you.

“That’s okay,” he smiles - not softly, but like a hyena- an improvident glint in his eyes. “Then you spin...” he says, coaching you through the moves... “and... pose.”

You move through the steps with trepidation, and when you’ve rotated through the spin, twirling beneath the fingers of his raised hand he tugs you back into his chest.

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

“How’s this?” you ask, self-consciously winding your hips in time, as his hand slips subtly further down your back.

“Good, honey,” Nathan praises, and you think you might burst into flames.

With you

You can’t help but trace your gaze languidly over his chest. Over his muscles. Over his smoothness. Over the deep, ridged scar where -or so you hear- one of his AIs stabbed him in the chest last year. You have to resist reaching out to smooth your fingers over it. In fact, you have to resist reaching out with your lips to kiss it better, so help you.

This song, this atmosphere, his body heat, are making it difficult for you to keep your... urges in check.

His bare skin is warm and solid beneath your hand. His eyes are intense and boring into you, all long lashes and deep dark brown beneath his glasses. His eyes are the colour of earth, and there is more than you can fathom buried in their depths. The way he’s looking at you makes you want to dig. To get to the bottom of him, but you feel like you could fall so deep into the pit of him and still never solve him.

Even in this moment, you fall a little deeper. Deep enough that you might not be able to clamber back out.

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

Then, he dips you, like he did Kyoko, his broad hand firmly supporting the arch of your back as your arm clings to his neck, his other arm tugging up your thigh to wrap around his waist. His lips hover just inches from yours, that hot, muscled body over you leaving you breathless. You can feel the latent potential of him as his muscles ripple to hold you in position.

You gulp and look up at him, completely helpless in the face of your desire now. Your desire is as red as the glow cast throughout the room. If he kissed you now, you’d be done for. Hell, you already feel done for. The bare flesh of your thigh is pressed against him, skin-on-skin, and he’s warm and taut and feels powerful up against you.

“You always look so cute ‘n’ smell so good when you go to bed?” Nathan asks casually as he holds you, and the realisation that you’re sexy-ballroom-dancing with your shirtless, robot-fucker of a boss while wearing skimpy sleepwear suddenly dawns on you. (Yes; more of Exactly How You Imagined Your Summer Going.).

Your lips part and you expel a small, involuntary whimper. Of desire, of tension, of nervousness.

The scenario appears to dawn on Nathan around the same time too, his throat bobbing around a hard swallow as that little noise you just made registers, his lips parting and his pink tongue skimming out to whet his plush lips.

“Different to dancing with a robot?” you ask, trying desperately to puncture the sexual tension before you fall all the way into his eyes, and, instead, your voice comes out far more fucking wanton and husky than you’ve ever heard it. You are nothing but breath and lust in his arms as his eyes tell you that yes, you’re different. That you make him feel... different.

But you both hold back, even though Nathan’s eyes are practically teeth, devouring you.

I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

In a final attempt to re-calibrate and hoist yourself out of this pit, you launch your body to standing of your own volition, and your face collides spectacularly with Nathan’s.

“Ow,” you each say at the same time, your forehead having smashed against Nathan’s nose and lip as you rose up a little too eagerly.

Red appears.

Well, that’s one way to divert attention away from your burgeoning desire, you suppose.

“Shit! Nathan, I’m so sorry!” you exclaim, your hands flying to your face in regret. “Are you okay?” you fuss, but he simply looks down at his hand in surprise -no, more like... neutral interest- when it comes away from his face red. And then he... smiles.

“You’re bleeding,” you say in shock, wondering if he still hasn’t registered that fact properly, but Nathan simply grins more widely at you, like a hyena after a kill.

He grins at you with red-stained teeth, and he’s at once grotesque and captivating.

“Shit. They tell me robots are dangerous,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose, “ and here I am ballroom dancing with a human and bleeding all over the fucking floor.”

He’s still smiling, and for some bizarre reason, you begin to smile along with him. As if any of this is normal.

“What’s so fucking funny?” you ask him, searching his intriguing eyes.

You never did like normal anyway.

He simply smiles lopsidedly, blood still coating his lips. “Kyoko’s never done that.”

Something tells you he likes the new variable in his equation.

(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one.

Nathan grabs your hand, and you think he might about to ask you another question.

He opens his red mouth and sucks in a breath.

#nathan bateman #nathan bateman x reader #ex machina #ex machina fanfic #nathan bateman blurb #nathan bateman imagine #oscar isaac

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teatitty · 4 years

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Robin and the Merry Men are specifically stated to have “lived apart from other men” and were beloved by country people, because everyone who went to “jolly Robin” in a time of need or want never left him with an empty fist. Robin’s first bout with the law was when he was 18, when the Sheriff put up an archery contest with a butt of ale as the prize. Even at this young an age, Robin was already “stout of sinew and bold of heart” so you can tell this is gonna go great

(under a read more cuz this got longer than intended oops)

While making his way through the forest, Robin happens upon 15 foresters, all eating pies and drinking ale beneath an oak tree. One of the foresters asks him where he’s going with his cheap bow and arrows and Robin is very quickly angered by this, because no young lad likes to be taunted for their “green years”

Robin boasts that he’s just as skilled as they are and is going to take part in the Sheriff’s competition to which another of the men laughs and mocks him, saying his mother’s milk has not yet dried upon his lips and that he would not be able to draw “one string of a two stone bow.” Robin challenges this with, “I’ll hold the best of you twenty marks (about 3 hundred pounds), that I hit the clout at threescore rods.” The men laugh again, once more mocking his young age, and telling him there’s no target for him to hit. Robin gets angrier and points to a herd of deer in the distance that are more than threescore rods away, betting that he’ll be able to kill the best hart (stag) of them

The men laugh and agree to the wager, putting down their twenty marks. Naturally Robin gets the hart in one go with a perfectly timed shot, managing to get it mid-jump! This really pisses off the foresters and the one who lost his money immediately refuses to give it to Robin, telling him to fuck off before he beats him. Another of the men chimes in to tell Robin that he’s killed the King’s deer, and that the punishment for it will be to have his ears cut off

Grim-faced, Robin turns on his heel and leaves, but the forester who first spoke and lost the bet is still angry and his blood is quick to boil, so that combined with the ale causes him to grab his bow and shoot an arrow after Robin (yikes dude). The arrow misses him by about three inches and Robin whirls around to fire his own back, shouting, “ye said I was no archer, but say so now again!”

The forester falls forward with a cry, face planting into the floor with Robin’s arrow wet with his heart’s blood. Before the other men can get their wits about them, Robin disappears into the forest. Some start after him but, fearing he will kill them too, quickly give up and take the dead man back to Nottingham. Robin was actually incredibly torn up about the fact that he’d killed a man, and this is how he ends up living in the forest, outlawed both for killing the King’s deer and for slaying another man, with a two hundred pound reward on his head

The Sheriff swears that he’ll be the one to bring Robin to justice for two reasons. The first being that he really wants the reward money and the second being that the archer he killed was one of the Sheriff’s kin. Robin hid in the forest for a year, and in that time gathered other folk much like himself, cast out for this cause or that. Some had killed deer when hungry during winter and unable to get other food; some had lost their lands to the King and some had been despoiled by a Baron or Abbott or Esquire. All had come to Sherwood Forest to escape wrong and oppression

So, within the year Robin had gathered about 5 or more yeomen who had elected him as their chief, and swore to despoil the rich of all that they had taken from the poor, be it unjust taxes, land rents or wrongful fines. They also swore never to harm a child nor woman, be she maid, wife or widow, and to help the poor whenever they were in need.

“When the people began to find that no harm was meant to them, and that money and food came in time of want to many a poor family, they came to praise Robin and his Merry Men, and to tell many tales of him and of his doings in Sherwood Forest, because they felt him to be one of themselves.”

(This is more of a cute quirk and not really important to the tale but Robin whistles while he walks! Also in this particular version of the tale I’m telling, it’s noted that he’s already dating Marian and constantly has her on his mind while travelling which is like. So fucking adorable I can’t stand it lol

Also I should explain that Maid Marian’s origins are incredibly obscure and we have no real knowledge of when exactly she began to show up in the tales. She isn’t around in the earliest texts but by the 1600′s she was heavily associated and linked to Robin, even having two plays dedicated to her by that time. She’s commended for being one of the earliest strong female characters in english literature though but I’ll get to her stuff later!)

#folklore #long post #I'll do the second part of this tale later

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yona-chan · 4 years

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Yona’s Return to the Castle – A Rant

Or… Yona’s decision to return to the castle: why it wasn’t a dumb idea, why she knew what she was getting into, why it made more sense than any other options available to the party, and why it wasn’t an out of the blue story beat to simply advance the plot that had no prior exploration.

Hey guys, it’s been a while.

(In fact, you could say it’s been so long that this rant doesn’t really have a reason to exist. Oops.)

This post is about Yona’s decision to return to Hiryuu Castle alllll the way back in chapter 178. I’ve not talked about it on my blog too much, but I really liked this decision when it happened. This said, I feel that the chapter (heck, the entire start of the arc really) wasn’t as well received by the fandom, be it here on tumblr or elsewhere. At the time, I really wanted to jump to the series’ defence (and Yona’s too) with a longer rant explaining my stance on the beginning of the arc, but I never got around to actually sitting down and typing it all out. The longer I put it off the more my opinions snowballed, making me want to talk about more and more until I had this monster of an opinion piece in my head that was too large for even me (and my ridiculous word counts) to tackle. I did try… but, as you’ll read in a second, it didn’t go so well.

I didn’t end up with what I wanted, but neither am I disappointed with what I did end up writing. And, after reflecting on it all, I’ve decided to give in and publish what I have, delayed a reaction as it may be.

This rant is… gosh, it’s far too long, but I hope you enjoy it.

Okay. *throws hands up* Like I said, this rant isn’t what I originally intended to publish, but it’s all I can muster up for now. Please allow me to explain.

What I originally intended to write for this rant was a long, sweeping review of the current arc: where it began, what is currently happening, and where I think it might be heading. I wanted to cover six main topics, which were things I had seen being discussed in the fandom quite a bit, but that I usually disagreed with when it came to what I saw as the “general fandom opinion”. To give a short rundown of the “general fandom opinion” vs mine that I wanted to cover, they were:

Yona’s decision to return to the palace was rushed and not well thought out -> No, it was thought out well and the series had been building to it.

Yona’s been ignoring Hak’s opinions and feelings and Hak has been sidelined in this arc doing useless things like joining the army, all for Yona while she doesn’t care -> No, Hak’s joining of the army is good character development for him and addresses things in his characterisation and, no, Yona is not ignoring him and when she is it’s for good reasons.

Yona and co. are just sitting at the castle doing nothing and being used by Soo-Won and Keishuk while information just falls into their laps -> No, they understand the nature of what’s happening and are treading carefully and are doing things when they see fit if they think it is safe to do so.

Soo-Won isn’t the bad guy anymore because we’re meant to feel sorry for him and this illness he has that came out of nowhere -> Soo-Won was never a true villain and this was never a revenge story. Plus, I feel the illness had been hinted at.

The current flashback about the parent characters and their relationships isn’t important, it’s taking too long and the story should be focusing on our main characters -> This flashback is SUPER important to the story and everything the narrative has been building to. P.S: I think it’s actually been rushed slightly and would have preferred it take even more time, but whatever.

Part six wasn’t about opinions really, I just wanted to discuss things that might happen in the future of the arc and what fandom expectations I agree and disagree with. Namely, my disagreement with the idea I’ve seen around that Yona needs to step up in her role as Hiryuu’s reincarnation and fix the mistakes of the past and her parents.

So, yeah, the above was the general layout I was aiming for; however, things started to go awry pretty quickly. I was so motivated to write about Yona’s decision to return to the palace that I got carried away and finished that section just shy of 8,000 words. No, you did not read that incorrectly… eight thousand. The longest rant on my blog to date had been just over half that length and I had only finished what was meant to be part one of six.

I started to get a bad feeling. Just a tingle of ‘ah, shit’.

Damn it all though I didn’t want to give up, so I pushed on into part two about Hak and Yona and everything going on with them. This section… well, it didn’t go well. I got about halfway through what I wanted to say and realised I was going about it all wrong. In trying to show how I felt about the arc and Hak and Yona’s place within it/their decisions, I had started to drag Hak down. I was kinda miffed seeing a lot of Hak fans talking about how he was being sidelined and mistreated and left alone by Yona etc., so my writing took on a “Hak isn’t that great, calm down” tone. As I reviewed it, I realised it just wasn’t what I wanted to say. I love Hak as a character, and though I do think his fans overreact slightly towards his every part in the story, dragging Hak down was not going to achieve anything. Why would I want to drag down a character I love, even if I think opinions about him are overblown? I realised I should have been approaching this part in the opposite way: not, “Hak isn’t that great”, but rather, “Hak is great, and Yona is just as great”. I guess I got a bit lost in how many negative opinions I was seeing about Yona (and often Soo-Won) and thought, “Well, two can play at that game, here’s some negativity about Hak to balance the scales”. I’m glad I never finished that part of my writing and caught on to my own negativity, because if I hadn’t it would have read quite nastily and even if I disagree with parts of fandom on things, I don’t want to be mean about how I present my own opinions.

So, I ended up deleting that entire section and vowing to start over, but by this stage months had passed (I write slow okay, I like to double-check everything) and the topics I was originally so passionate about didn’t seem to be relevant in the fandom anymore. People seemed to be warming up to the flashback a little more, the decision to return to the castle that everyone disliked was so long ago, and I started to get lost in a “who cares?” hole. I didn’t want to write something so long, taking up so much of my time, if there wouldn’t be an audience for it. Why drag up older opinions to discuss them if everyone’s moved on?

Soooo… yeah. That leads me to the present. I have a word doc just over 11k words (most of that about Yona’s return to the castle) and I don’t know if I’ll ever finish it. I doubt I will unless there’s a huge demand for it, and even then I’ll wonder if I could be using my time better.

This said, I see it as a disservice to my past self, who sat typing for hours, to abandon that first part of my rant – the part I actually finished. So, despite there likely being no audience for it, and despite it likely not being relevant anymore, here is that first part of my rant, all about chapter 178 and the story leading up to it. You’ve already been warned about its length, but if you have the want or the time, please feel free to read it. I did put a lot of effort into it, so I hope you enjoy.

yona-chan out.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Welcome! Please, have a seat. This roller coaster starts now and you’re strapped in for the ride, so prepare yourself.

(I’m kidding of course, click away whenever you like, but this is a long one… and this is your warning.)

But first, CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve reached the part of the rant where I have to go on for a bit explaining that this is my opinion and not yours, and that you’re under no obligation to agree with every part of this rant, let alone read it if you’re not enjoying it. Please, please, please do yourself the favour and click away if you already know this isn’t something you’re going to enjoy. I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again… my opinion ≠ your opinion. I do not think mine matters more than yours, or is “more correct” than yours. I may write parts of this rant as if I’m making hard, irrefutable points, but this is all just my personal interpretation of the story. The only reason I’m writing like I am and not adding “In my opinion...” or “The way I’ve interpreted it is…” at the start/end of every sentence is because it would make for horrible reading.

While we’re here though, you may have your own opinions that I heavily dispute and discuss in this rant, but my disagreement should not be interpreted as disrespect. I in no way think you are stupid for having your opinion - I simply disagree with it and would like to discuss that. I am not here to just blast you with insults and then leave. Rather, the opposite: I would like to show you in this long rant WHY I have the opinion I do and WHY I don’t agree with a lot of the stuff I’ve been seeing. If you, in turn, would like to discuss your own opinion and/or why you disagree with mine, by all means go for it. Just… *raises monocle* Let’s keep it civil.

I also want to mention quickly that chapter 194 was the latest published. So, hi everyone reading this months/years in the future, before you come spam my inbox to go on about how wrong I am/how I didn’t discuss certain plot points/how I don’t understand the story, I’m writing about this with the story context up ‘til 194. I can’t see the future, so, like everyone else at the moment, my opinions and desires for certain future plots/characters are developed with only the current story in mind. I’m happy to acknowledge that this arc could go in any direction from here, good or bad.

And I know you’re probably wanting to say, “Great yona-chan. But why did you have to up and write this damn much? I ain’t got all the time in the world.”

The answer is that… yeah, there is a reason I wrote so much and it took me so damn long. My opinion and interpretation of the current arc are hard to discuss and require me to draw upon and contrast almost every arc following the one in Awa. To explain why I’m enjoying and appreciating what is currently happening in the story and am not as put out as many, I needed to re-examine this arc in the context of the story as a whole: where it was, what’s currently happening, and certain themes I think Kusanagi-sensei seems to be aiming for. And uh, yeah, that requires a lot of writing.

But, if you have the time or the want to read it, please enjoy.

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

PART 1: A LONG TIME AGO, IN SOME CHAPTERS FAR, FAR AWAY…

We’ve gotta discuss chapter 178.

Ah 178… what happened, man? Before this chapter it seemed like everyone was feeling pretty good about the whole Tully Arc and the Hakona Water Moment™ and the confession and the fact that Keishuk’s plans to try and manipulate Yona’s party hadn’t really worked out according to keikaku. And then came this chapter, which ended with Yona telling Hak that she was going to accept Keishuk’s offer and accompany him back to Hiryuu Castle, despite Hak’s emotional outburst wanting the exact opposite.

I remember there being a lot of talk about how the decision was rushed and how it sucked that Hak was so upset by it but would inevitably go along with the choice. While I do agree (to some extent) with these views, what really surprised me the most was how much flak Yona (and seemingly only Yona) got for this entire decision, how a few people seemed to like the decision to go to the castle, but kept stipulating that they didn’t want the group to return “like this”, and how much the choice itself was derided despite it making a lot of sense. I felt the reaction was really on a spectrum from the far more tame and agreeable, “Yona should have taken more time to think about it rather than coming to a quick decision on her own,” to the much harsher, “Yona is selfish and not thinking about anyone in the HHB and their needs (especially Hak!) and is rudely deciding everything on her own even though she’s stupid and can’t see that she’s walking into a trap, and none of the HHB will oppose her idea because they never do and she gets away with her shit all the time because the group never ever let her know when she’s wrong - they just praise her and go along with all of her bad ideas because she’s ‘Yona’.” I’m paraphrasing, of course, but you get the idea.

And, well, there’s a lot to unpack here, so… let’s just focus on the decision and the options available to the group at the time (and within the context of the whole story) as a start. I’ll get to the whole ‘blame Yona’ thing after.

(Strap in.)

One thing I think that was not discussed enough when the fandom reacted to the decision to return to Hiryuu Castle was the way the story had been building up to it for a very long time. There have been a lot of major, plot-altering decisions made in the manga, and if we look right back to the decision made before Tae-Jun’s Redemption Arc we can see one of them. It was the choice made by Yona and her friends to stay in the Fire Tribe lands to assist the smaller villages who were suffering due to the lack of younger men (taken for the Fire Tribe army), the lack of sustainable food sources and medical clinics, and the corruption of those tasked with collecting taxes and taking care of the townspeople. This decision to stay and help was important because it not only came after the group decided they did not want to go to the castle to confront Soo-Won(!!), it also lead directly to the creation of ‘The Dark Dragon and the Happy Hungry Bunch’, a group of “bandits” who could act as they please, influencing issues and actions within the towns without showing their faces while concurrently taking full responsibility and/or punishment for going against officials. It was pointed out in-text that this was influenced by Gi-Gan and her pirate crew and how they acted in Awa, with the group obviously seeing how such a set up allowed Gi-Gan to both influence control over the town and help its people without the town itself (and Kouka, in a way) receiving backlash for her actions. The HHB was very important because it was Yona and co. choosing to replicate this and act anonymously and independently. At this time in the story they had next to no allies they could call upon if they were caught by the Fire Tribe officials. They had to tread carefully: Hak was still thought of by the majority of people to be responsible for King Il’s death and/or already dead alongside Yona, and the dragons had only just come together again for the first time since the kingdom founding and were also still in the realm of “myth”. The HHB was not only a smart cover for the group to get away with what they wanted to do as vigilantes like they had in Awa, it was necessary to protect the members of the group and stop others from recognising them for who they truly were.

I could go on for aaaages about the importance of this anonymity, but the main idea I want to talk about is that with every arc after Tae-Jun’s Redemption Arc, this anonymity was slowly stripped back as the group had to push harder to achieve the results they wanted and their endeavours became more and more complicated. In the Fire Tribe Rebellion Arc they tried to influence things from behind the scenes (secretly attacking the foreign army camped outside the city Kyo-Ga was defending, etc.) and leave the rest up to Soo-Won, but in the end they were revealed to a number of Koukans in the army when they went to stop Li Hazara’s men from safely retreating. It was a small price to pay, but that’s when the whispers of “a red-haired maiden and several monsters appearing on the battlefield” began to spread, and Soo-Won became even more aware of their actions when he personally went to investigate what had been going on in the Fire Tribe behind the scenes of Soo-Jin’s rebellion.

Then we got the Water Tribe Arc, where the HHB did not act behind the scenes much at all and worked directly with those higher up in power (and Soo-Won… because, yes, whether we like it or not they have cooperated many times in the story let me remind you) to get the results they wanted. I know it’s easy to say, “but hey, they revealed their identities to Tae-Jun way earlier, so what the big deal?” but the difference is that Tae-Jun already knew who Hak and Yona were and very quickly joined their side to support them. Lili did not know Yona’s identity for a large chunk of the arc until Yona chose to reveal it. Lili worked with both Yona and Soo-Won while they simultaneously tried to hide their identities, but in the end she knew who both were and had a much deeper insight into their relationship and how strained it was. It’s not a whole lot of people figuring out the true identity of the group, but, like I said, it’s slowly building.

Kushibi’s Fort Arc! The HHB actively (read: openly, without hiding their identity) joined forced with Soo-Won and the tribes to rescue Yona and Lili. They tried to keep apart and work independently at the start but it’s this temporary, wishy-washy alliance that sees them through. This is important beeecaaaause…

Xing Arc!! Princess Tao has Voldo track down the HHB specifically because she thinks they have ties to the palace and act of behalf of Soo-Won and can grant her a meeting with him. This isn’t some weird, out-of-left-field idea of hers either: reports from citizens who were imprisoned at Kushibi’s fort was that they were saved by King Soo-Won and the Four Dragons. Not only has the anonymity of the HHB been all but lost by this stage, but they’ve been accidentally linked to the crown. They are no longer some weird, hooded bandits doing what they want in the rural towns: they are the group with the Legendary Four Dragons who protect Kouka, and they work for the king. At least, that’s how they are seen outside of Kouka.

But then comes another one of those plot-changing decisions I mentioned earlier.

When Yona tries to persuade Kouren to speak with Soo-Won rather than go to war, she uses her real name and status as Kouka’s princess to convince Kouren that Soo-Won will listen to her. When Kouren agrees to let her try and talk to Soo-Won, Yona tries to remain somewhat anonymous and behind the scenes by sending a message to Soo-Won with her name in the hope that this will encourage him to listen to her, but the answer is no. Then comes the decision: does Yona leave it at that, step back and not insert herself into the conflict anymore even if it means war will break out and countless will die? Does she hope that this failed action is enough to convince Kouren that she tried, and get her friends released from their position as hostages? Or is there something more she can do, even at the expense of herself?

This is my girl, Yona. Of course she chooses to do more. Of course she risks herself to try and save the people of a nation she barely knows anything about from pointless death, break the cycle of hatred, and free her friends. She confronts Keishuk and Soo-Won in front of their armies and demands they listen. She is Princess Yona, daughter of the late King Il, and damn it all, she will be heard.

I remember at the time that many thought this too was stupid on her part and that she only got away with it due to Soo-Won’s kindness and “plot armour”, but I see it differently. She was cornered by the Sky Tribe army because they thought she was some insurgent trying to spy on them, but the minute she tells the Sky Tribe army who she is they back down. Why? Because as far as they know Princess Yona is an innocent young woman who was tragically kidnapped from the castle by her unhinged bodyguard who killed the king, and that she fell to her death while trying to be recovered. Hak is the bad guy in this made-up story, not Yona, and she knows this. To the people of Kouka, her appearing before them is probably nothing short of a miracle that needs explaining. We know this because as soon as Keishuk (who also only found out about her being alive in this arc – please do not forget that Soo-Won never told him about Yona being alive… this is important!) sees her and puts two and two together he tries to quickly string a story about how it’s impossible that it’s Princess Yona, and oh she’s a spy using that name to trick and them, and just kill her now damn it! But the soldiers don’t. Their immediate reaction is to say, “But hey, isn’t that the princess we all thought was lost? Why is she here? What’s going on? We should definitely tell the King in case it is her!” Their knee-jerk response is to question the story they’ve been told and treat Yona as a victim rather than the threat that Soo-Won and his coup party know she could potentially be.

But then of course Soo-Won turns up and this is where things could have gone sour. Soo-Won is now in the difficult situation of having to listen to Yona or find some way to remove her from the situation without drawing too much attention to her. But Yona’s a step ahead. She makes sure to let everyone there know who she is, that she tried to speak with Soo-Won earlier, and that she has a potentially peaceful way to solve the issue. She does not back down, and this frightens both Soo-Won and Keishuk, if not for different reasons. For Soo-Won, it’s a sign that she is done letting him just do things his own way without being checked. She is no longer going to stand aside and pretend they can operate independently of each other. For Keishuk, it’s a scary show of how far her influence has spread in the Kouka Kingdom (and beyond)… and it’s about to get worse because then Lili steps in and defends Yona. And oh bummer, that’s got to sting. Now not only has Princess Yona magically appeared, but suddenly Lady Lili (who recently got a massive boost in popularity due to her help with Nadai in the Water Tribe) is saying that Yona is personally responsible for aiding her during the Nadai crisis, and for saving her when she was taken to Sei. Lili has placed her piece on the board right next to Yona’s. It’s a calculated move on Lili’s part that carefully tries to thread the needle between outing Soo-Won and rejecting him in front of her tribe (which she really shouldn’t do) and standing back and letting Yona potentially fail in her mission to get Soo-Won to go to council (which she also doesn’t want to happen). Lili does a great job here imo and as a result Yona can’t be removed from the situation as Soo-Won and the others would hope… not now.

So Soo-Won does the right thing in my opinion: he saves face and agrees with Yona and Lili. He backflips on his previous reply to her letter and openly welcomes discussions with Xing given certain rules are followed. It must suck for him to do this, but it keeps the calm. However, for Keishuk, this is nothing short of a disaster, and is the turning point in my opinion for him inserting himself far more into Soo-Won’s business and going rogue when he sees fit.

This all happens in the span of like one or two chapters but is a turning point for the whole series. While Yona’s actions in previous arcs could be covered up or explained away by the general populous thinking it was all overblown rumours (and Soo-Won getting credit for everything) this cannot be. The line in the sand previously drawn has been stepped over, and there’s no going back.

As the Xing Arc came to a close I read some comments from readers who thought Yona had it too easy. She inserted herself into a dangerous situation and wasn’t punished for it. At the end of the day, she got her way.

And… well… If I graciously put aside that a majority of the Xing Arc was Yona and her friends being chained up, tortured and attacked, and that Yona herself had a full on panic attack and collapsed due to the building pressure of having to simultaneously save her friends and stop a war by confronting the one person in the world she would rather not go near if she had the choice, then, yeah, sure, Yona “got her way, saved the day easily, and wasn’t punished for her risks”.

Or… … … and hear me out… … maybe it’s not that straightforward.

(A note before I get into this: I get that the complaint above was made at the conclusion of the Xing Arc and therefore what I’m about to go into could not have been known and taken into consideration by those making the complaint. I’m just using this complaint as a springboard to discuss the flow of the Xing Arc into the Tully Arc and the Tully Arc into the decision to return to the castle. I want to use the complaint to explore how AnY arcs flow into and impact future arcs, not point to people and say that they’re stupid for not predicting the future. And yes, I’m still getting to the original point about the decision Yona made to return to Hiryuu Castle… this is all leading up to me discussing that. Trust me, we’ll get there. Thank you for your patience.)

I say this because the following Tully Arc has a number of interesting conflicts in it outside of the main Kouka vs. Tully Tribe one. Let’s very quickly have a look at three of them:

Rumours spread about Yona’s sudden return with the dragons and about the allegation she made against Soo-Won. At best, the rumours just confirm that Yona and Hak are alive and that Hak saved Yona’s life the night King Il died and wasn’t the bad guy; at worst, they implicate Soo-Won as Il’s murderer and see Yona as someone blessed by the Gods, returning “home” with divine protection to oust those who wrongly removed her from the castle. It’s very dangerous, because it’s these kinds of rumours that, if pushed to the extreme, start civil wars. Soo-Won up until this point was, at least in my opinion, seen very favourably amongst the general populous. Of course questions about Il’s death would have existed, but Soo-Won doing a good job reuniting the tribes and expanding Kouka’s influence in Kai, Xing and Sei likely caused people to doubt and/or overlook rumours like this. He isn’t a bad king the people hate and are looking to discredit; neither are they looking for a hero they can rally behind to take him down. These rumours could throw all of that out the window though. What’s this? Yona’s actually responsible for the peaceful annexing of Xing? What, it was she who helped Lady Lili purge the Water Tribe of foreign interference? Oh, she helped Fire Tribe during Soo-Jin’s rebellion? She was living peacefully before Soo-Won murdered King Il!? Maybe Soo-Won isn’t as great as we thought him to be. Maybe having Yona in charge would be better, especially if those amazing dragons follow her and our tribe leaders support her! And this is without even touching upon the religious aspects of the issue! I’m sure there are many in Kouka who wouldn’t care if Yona did all that stuff or not: if she’s the new Hiryuu and has the support of the Four Dragons of Legend, then that settles it. She should be in charge, no questions asked.

Who the dragons serve and what their purpose is is debated. I spoke a little earlier about the HHB slowly losing their anonymity, but there’s something that happens in correlation with this: the more the HHB step into the limelight and begin to influence situations with their abilities, the more people begin to fear and revere them, and the more people begin to question who they serve and what their purpose is. As is pointed out by Zeno in the Xing arc, a darkness is brewing in the hearts of people. In Xing the dragons were feared and called monsters, and the people declared that Kouka was hoarding their power - that it was too dangerous for a power like the dragons to serve one nation. Within Kouka the conflict becomes who the dragons speak for and what they represent. Do they speak for Soo-Won, the king? Yona, Hiryuu’s reincarnation? The people, who revere and respect them? I know it’s easy, as the audience, to say, “Well, Yona, duh. We know that,” but the people of Kouka and abroad don’t know that. Heck, the Tully Arc ends when Jae-Ha sneaks into Li Hazara’s camp, pretends to be there on behalf of Soo-Won, and tells Hazara a whole bunch of lies to make him retreat. And this works. Because… of course it does. This whole issue is compounded by the fact that Yona is related to Soo-Won. Because unless she openly and actively opposes him and draws a heavy line between them, the simplest explanation for the average person to explain who the dragons serve is to go: dragons serve Yona -> Yona is royalty -> the dragons serve the crown. It was already a very iffy subject before the Tully Arc started (as Jae-Ha points out in Xing, it doesn’t matter if they don’t serve Soo-Won, because their actions can always still be interpreted as his just through the confusion surrounding who they actually serve) and by the end it’s just a mess.

Finally, in the Xing Arc Yona outed Tae-Jun as a powerful ally of hers by asking him to falsely light the Fire Tribe beacon and draw Soo-Won’s attention. Before this (and again, due to the previous anonymity of the HHB) Tae-Jun kind of got away with his actions because only Soo-Won read between the lines enough to realise that Yona had been assisting him. He chose not to act against this likely because, at the end of the day, Tae-Jun’s projects with Yona directly benefitted the Fire Tribe without any threat to Soo-Won himself, so… tightrope successfully walked, in a way. This is not the case now. Tae-Jun’s actions actively hindered Soo-Won’s plans and threw his allegiance into plain sight. Soo-Won (and those close to him *coughKeishuk*) now know that, push come to shove, Tae-Jun will side with Yona. This causes conflict because of Kyo-Ga, who, in the Tully Arc, is shown to be in a situation where his two loyalties are actively beginning to oppose one another. On one side is his loyalty to Soo-Won and his desperation to show that he is not his father. On the other side is the family he cares deeply about (his mother even sided with Yona) and the troops he respects. And this is just the Fire Tribe. We know the Wind Tribe will follow Yona thanks to Hak, and that Lili could easily decide to stand by Yona’s side and support her rather than Soo-Won, as she did in Xing. Soo-Won may have united the tribes for the first time since Junam’s rule, but far out if there aren’t cracks beginning to show.

It’s these conflicts in the Tully Arc that matter. Why? Because they are a direct result of Yona’s choice to confront Soo-Won during the Xing Arc. These conflicts could be seen as the punishment that many at the time thought she never got. By forcing herself into the situation to help Xing, she in turn created conflict in Kouka. And this isn’t conflict she can ignore or get Soo-Won to settle, like she did at the end of the Fire Tribe Rebellion arc where it was left up to Soo-Won to go and discuss how Hazara would be punished. She can’t have An Joon-Gi step in to clean up the aftermath of the Nadai incident, or have Tae-Jun cover for her and claim he found the Iza seeds and set up the clinics alone. She and the HHB are now in the middle of it all, and their actions and the way they present themselves matter more than ever before. She is now, in part, responsible for having to navigate these issues and seeing what happens.

This is especially true because these conflicts effect so many different areas of politics and so many people. From above, #1 impacts the common folk, who they respect and who they might potentially follow as a leader. #3 creates cracks in the tribe leaders. Do they follow Soo-Won, to whom they’ve sworn loyalty, or do they follow their hearts and question the legitimacy of his rule? Do they denounce Yona so as not to get involved, or do they acknowledge her influence and the respect she has garnered even if they are loyal to Soo-Won? Finally, #2 impacts everyone, within Kouka and beyond. Who are “Hiryuu and the Four Dragons”? Do they only represent Kouka? Is their word the word of the king? Of the gods? Can they be trusted to be fair to other countries outside of Kouka, or are they biased? What is their role in all of this?

(*Drax voice* Why are the Dragons?)

I… don’t have answers to the above questions, but if we’re making a list of reasons why I’m excited for what’s to come in the story (and why I like the idea of Soo-Won’s group and Yona’s group interacting) this is definitely one of them.

For now though, let’s finally put this all together and see where the HHB are at the end of the Tully Arc. What choices do they have for where the go and what they do next?

I’m going to say that, at a basic level, they have 4 options:

Stay in a town/tribe of their choosing.

Go bush again and do what they were doing before in-between arcs, and camp.

Leave Kouka altogether, which they have done in the past.

Accept Keishuk’s offer to go to Hiryuu Castle.

I think it’s quite easy to see why options 1 and 3 are out of the question now. With their anonymity gone and their status now sometimes equated to those of deities, the HHB cannot just stay in some tribe town and hope to pass their days unnoticed. The issues they’ve faced abroad in the last three arcs make it so their presence abroad would only potentially stir up trouble (not to mention the whole dragons being more susceptible to injury and illness thing that happens when they move farther from Hiryuu Castle) and their new widespread acclaim within Kouka puts expectations on them wherever they go. They can’t play a group of passing performers or foreign tourists: they’re so much more than that now in the eyes of the people. And, again, with their purpose up in the air their presence in tribe towns could cause even more confusion. It’s very much like why Hak wanted the group to avoid the Wind Tribe all this time. His presence there would stir up trouble: at the very least people would be curious as to where he’s been and what’s going on regarding his and the HHB’s relationship with the crown, and at worst the Wind Tribe would want to rally behind him and reinstate him as General and that’s not a good idea, because, again, it creates conflict with the crown.

And this is without touching on the traumas the group has been facing lately. Members of their team have been kidnapped multiple times by foreign groups hoping to use or abuse them for their own needs. One of these scumbags (*coughGobi*) actually followed them across Kouka to achieve this. Then there’s the issue that occurred in the Fire Tribe when a celebration of the dragons led to people purposefully coming to Saika Castle to crowd Yona and her friends, attempting to pull Yona from her room through a window because they all wanted to touch her red hair, and grabbing and stroking Kija’s arm without his permission. Need I remind us that these actions (despite the different emotion at their core – devotion/“love”) cause Yona, Kija and Jae-Ha to remember their time captive in Xing, when the people there crowded them to “see the monsters” for themselves, and Hak, while trying to assist them, was shown dragging his friends away from detached, almost otherworldly, black arms that tried to grab and smother him. The same visual that was used for the Fire Tribe people when they tried to grab Yona: black, empty faces of desire.

AND let’s not forget that the Tully Arc began with Yona, Jae-Ha, Zeno and Yoon being kidnapped because someone they believed to be an ally (Ogi) had his band of friends/informants attacked and threatened, and that he felt compelled to purposefully lie to them to lure them out and into the hands of Gobi’s men.

I can only imagine the amount of stress these occurrences additionally pile onto Yona: even if they can find a location where the HHB themselves are safe, can they ensure that others they know and love aren’t harmed by those greedy enough to continue to pursue them? If they stay in a town, can they be sure their presence won’t wrongly sway the hearts of the people, cause more rumours to spread, or, at worst, increase the division already present between their party and Soo-Won’s?

I’m sure these things were already on Yona’s mind before any of the events with the Tully Tribe. While they are staying at Saika Castle, Keishuk appears and has the Sky Tribe troops attack Zeno and Jae-Ha. When the others go to help them, the Fire Tribe soldiers threaten the Sky Tribe ones and demand they stand down, and it leads to a scuffle. Keishuk and Yona both recognise that this infighting between the tribes and the division of loyalties is not something they should be happy about. Keishuk thinks to himself that the small scuffle is only a taste of what is to come should Yona continue to be allowed to act on her own, while Yona remarks to Jae-Ha and Hak that, though they came to assist the Fire Tribe, their presence is having the opposite effect. They’re only creating dissonance, and both sides in the argument scared her. They contemplate where to go (NOTE: Hak himself says he’s not sure where they could go that would be safe - keep this in mind) but before they can take the time to think about it any more the entire Tully Arc happens. The issue is never solved and everything that happens afterwards only puts more pressure on the decision to be made.

So, going back to our list, options #1 (stay in town) and #3 (go abroad) are seemingly a no-go, but what of option #2? I think it’s very easy to say that the HHB could just disappear into the wilderness again and do what they were doing before the Sei Arc began, but in my opinion it’s not that simple…

We have the previously mentioned issue of their friends being used to find them. I think it would heavily play on Yona’s mind that, should they go back into their more undercover way of living, those they love could be used to try and draw them back out. And that’s if the group isn’t actively pursued themselves. They were found by Voldo and his men quite easily once before, and Gobi followed them across Kouka to the Fire Tribe, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume they could be tracked again. Gobi even stirs up Yona’s fear about this. When she, Kija and Jae-Ha are discussing the fact that they shouldn’t just return to the Fire Tribe with the troops, and perhaps should escape into the woods, Gobi smirks at Yona, repeats the idea and then questions if that’s where they’re going. He’s straight up being a creep and acting like he already has plans to somehow follow them once more, and one only needs to see the expression Yona makes in response to know she is fed up with threats like this.

So, then, why don’t the HHB disappear so much that they are untraceable? If the dragon villages could erase themselves off the map then it makes sense the HHB could find somewhere so remote that they could not be tracked. And, well, apart from the fact that this idea still doesn’t eliminate the issue of a potential target being put on their allies’ heads, it goes against what Yona and the group want to achieve. Their purpose since they left Ik-Soo’s all that time ago was to assist the people of Kouka. Yona wanted to learn about the kingdom her father apparently didn’t take good care of and see if she could make a difference. How would them disappearing achieve this? Would they just stay away forever with only Yoon (and maybe Zeno) being able to travel into town to get them supplies? Would they ignore the people who would no doubt notice their absence right after they came into the spotlight? Would they just leave everything to Soo-Won? This idea would make no sense to me at all, and I could not see Yona, after everything she and her friends have achieved, being happy to settle with this option.

But where does this leave the group? They aren’t comfortable going abroad or staying in town, and going into the woods and disappearing would go against what they, as a group, are trying to achieve. This is the confusing mess Yona was in when Keishuk then suggested his alliance to her. A new option. Option #4.

I’d like to remind everyone that Yona was very quick to say that she did not trust Keishuk and that the group turned down the offer immediately. But then comes the sting: Keishuk points out that Yona (and Hak) cannot protect the dragons with the way they currently live. In one fell swoop he stabs Yona right in her heart, dragging all of her insecurities about this unavoidable decision to the forefront of her mind. I got the impression that some fans thought Yona didn’t think through the idea of going with Keishuk at all and went along with it on the flimsy reasoning that Yoon should be able to learn medicine, but, as discussed, this whole issue is likely something she’s been thinking about for a while now. Keishuk didn’t randomly offer her the alliance based on nothing, and her accept just because. He offered it to her because he too realises that the dragons are important and will be targeted, and Yona gets this. Sure, he would rather Yona be dead and the dragons out of the picture, but he acknowledges their influence and the danger that occurred when they were targeted by the Tully Tribe. Keishuk is in just as sticky a situation as Yona: he doesn’t think it wise to allow the dragons to wander and do their own thing because, like Yona, he’s seen the division it can cause and the threat she poses to Soo-Won. Additionally, he’s seen that their enemies desire (and can abuse) the power of the dragons to harm Kouka, and that this can’t be allowed either. He’s also twisting the situation to his advantage, because of course he is. He knows being seen with the dragons will be advantageous for Soo-Won, showing that the King has powerful allies and quelling the potential unrest of those people who were believing the harsh “rumours” about Soo-Won being Yona’s enemy. They can also watch the dragons a lot closer if they are at the castle, rather than sitting back and hoping Yona and co. aren’t doing anything to get in the way of their plans or stirring up dissonance. While this benefits him, having the crown on their side also, in a way, benefits Yona. People are less likely to seek them out (for good reasons or bad) if they are protected within the walls of the castle and others think they might anger the King by messing around with them.

But, no, Keishuk is not a nice person and this suggestion of an alliance doesn’t come without problems for Yona. It’s not fair, but they know this. One of the first things Yona, Yoon and Zeno discuss back in their tent is the fact that they’re likely going to be used and that Keishuk is, in a way, threatening them, as they believe he will be the one to send people after them if they refuse his offer and try to disappear again. It’s a no-win situation – no answer Yona picks will be without issue and potential serious consequence, like we’ve discussed.

When she goes to tell Hak that she’s planning to accept Keishuk’s alliance, Yona doesn’t say it’s a good option – she says she believes it’s a safer one.

Hak goes off after this and while I was reading this for the first time it felt like my chest tightened at his every word. And this… well, it wasn’t for a very obvious reason. Sure, I felt awful for Hak. I knew he would follow Yona even to a place he likely never wanted to step foot into again. But there was something else nagging at me during his rant. He tells Yona that they can just run. They can run and run and if they find danger that way he’ll fight to protect them, even if it results in his death.

Truth be told, it reminded me of another difficult decision Yona once made, seemingly so long ago. Back before they met the dragons, back before Yona had even held a bow.

A decision made beside a waterfall with a man who could hear the voice of God.

When Ik-Soo, all that time ago, directed Yona on her quest, he told her she had a choice: she could live, truly live, and by doing so “call up a storm that will shake Kouka to its very foundations” or, she could continue as she had been, but that Hak would lose his life trying to protect her. Yona knew what she had to do: she knew she had to move forward, become stronger, seize this fate no matter how difficult it might be. She knew she absolutely could not allow Hak to die.

I feel like this situation is incredibly similar: Yona can choose the harder path, the one that will continue to shake the country. She can move forward and keep working hard and challenge herself. Or, she can try go back to how it was before. She and the HHB can leave, they can retreat to the woods, they can try to run from the harsh fate set before them. But at what cost? Hak (unintentionally) spells it out: he’s willing to be that cost, if necessary.

There’s no way Yona can accept that. NO. WAY. She refused to accept it before, and she won’t accept it now.

(Ngl I also just really like the idea that there’s this contrast between the start of the story and now, as we get ever closer to the end. In the beginning Yona needed to step up and take the harder path first by leaving the castle and her past there behind and heading into the big, wide world; now, she needs to take the harder path and return to the castle with everyone she’s met during her journey and all the lessons she’s learned and face what happened in a completely different way. Hnnghh… so good.)

This is how I view Yona’s decision to join Keishuk and return to Hiryuu Castle, and why I accepted it as much as I did. I don’t think the choice was made as quickly as many thought it was… I don’t think it was as irrational as many thought it was… I don’t think it was as void of Yona considering the feelings of her friends as many thought it was. I see it as a culmination of what occurred in previous arcs: the consequences of Yona’s (and the HHB’s) decisions coming back to haunt them as they realise that the steps they’ve previously taken have forced them into a corner – that they crossed a line that cannot be simply stepped back over. Yona’s thoughts at the end of chapter 178 sum it up: they can’t go back to the days of lazing around in a tent, of enjoying Yoon’s cooking around a fire, and of having fun as they travel around. Those days are soon to be over.

I felt sad that the choice had to be made at all - that Yona and her friends were pushed to a point that there were no good options available to them. That Yona still looked so unsure and upset when she decided that she would accept Keishuk’s offer.

...Which is also why I got kinda miffed when Yona caught a lot of flak for this decision. Yeah, that’s right, I promised to talk about this, so let’s get into it!

I’m not going to repeat that I already mostly disagree with anyone who thought the decision was made too hastily or that it was made without considering alternate options or potential consequences. I think I’ve (hopefully) made my reasons for disagreeing clear above. What I do want to address was another way I saw people reacting to the decision, which was that Yona didn’t bother to discuss the choice with anyone before making it and was being selfish because of this. I think this was especially due to Hak’s outburst and the fact that Hak’s opinions and feelings “weren’t taken into consideration”.

And… well… putting aside that Hak’s opinion literally ended with, “I’ll die protecting you all”, which I get are Hak’s fears and insecurities causing him to be irrational because he’s been through so much and he’s so scared of losing this family again after just getting them back (I get it, but honey… NO!! Don’t regress back to that state of thinking you need to be Atlas and carry everything on your shoulders. I, for once, am glad Yona ignored you here.) I think people are putting too much of the blame on Yona and not on anyone else (if blame need be assigned at all, which I also don’t quite agree with).

But, I do want to talk about one thing I do agree with: the lack of discussion. I get that this might seem contradictory, but let me explain. In chapter 178, Yona and her friends tell Keishuk they will not have anything to do with him, they head back to the tent where Hak immediately parks himself out the front to “stand guard” (which is code imo for him being upset and needing some time alone to think) and then shortly after, Jae-Ha, Kija and Shin-Ah all go out to join him, leaving Yona, Yoon and Zeno to discuss what to do.

And… mmmm, yeah, I’m not the biggest fan of this. While I’ve explained above why I think Yona deciding to join Keishuk is fine and how the other options weren’t really any better, I do think this chapter could have been handled better. I wish we could’ve had the HHB sit down and discuss everything as a group. I think they could have thrown some ideas around and eventually have come to the same conclusion, but it might have seemed a little more natural. Having 3 of the dragons just nope out of the conversation was a little odd imo, and I think we could have used another chapter to really flesh the choice out, and have many points (like the conflicts I mentioned above) reiterated. I don’t know if the chapter and its dialogue was just planned poorly, or it was decided somehow that it might be a waste of time to have the characters discussing points that wouldn’t change the overall decision, if an editor played a part, or if the chapter was just rushed for whatever reason. I dunno, but I do think perhaps people might not have been so upset with the choice if it had been made a little slower. I get it can be annoying when authors just spell everything out for an audience, but in this case, and with such a crucial decision, maybe it would have been worth sensei’s time.

But let’s just call it as it is and admit that perhaps the chapter wasn’t written as well as it could have been. I completely understand thinking things like, “Yona should have gone outside and sought Hak’s opinion on the choice” and “She shouldn’t have let the dragons leave and instead asked them to stay and talk” and being frustrated that these didn’t happen, but using them alone to try and discredit the entire decision Yona made is, in my opinion, ignoring what the story had already included and been building towards for a long time, as well as prior character interactions where the HHB did discuss what they should do and ruled out several options (*hem* One of those short discussions was Yona talking about the commotion they were making by staying in the Fire Tribe and it was Hak specifically who pointed out that there was little guarantee they’d be any better off if they just left *hem*). Yona deserves better than to be entirely belittled after one chapter that perhaps wasn’t as good as it could have been, when there was so much more to her overall judgement than just, “Oh well Yoon wants to learn medicine so I’ma ignore that Hak might be upset and just go along with Keishuk’s plan”. She’s better than that, smarter than that, and she cares more than that, especially about Hak.

Which, uh, allows me to nicely segue into…

➵ ➵ ➵ ➵

Nothing. This is where I went into part two of my rant about Hak and Yona; but, as previously mentioned, I never got it finished in a way that I actually liked and thought was respectful to the source material and the opinions of the fandom. So, no need to worry anymore - the ride ends here.

If you actually managed to get through the behemoth that was this rant, thanks a tonne. It means a lot to me that you would read so much of someone else’s opinion – you get all the cookies. Hopefully it was an okay read and you agreed with some parts of it. If not… well, sorry about that. You get even more cookies.

I would say some more stuff here, write up some kind of proper conclusion, but I honestly don’t know what to type.

I’m so very, very tired of typing. And I’m sure that, by now, you are so very, very tired of reading.

yona-chan out. (Again.)

#akatsuki no yona #dunno why I'm tagging the likelihood of this getting into the tag is like zero #there I'm done it's done #sorry it's so long #and yeah yeah I know I probably read way too much into everything #I get it I do that a lot #but heck if I didn't have fun going back through everything and rereading #I have so much more I could say on those other aspects of the arc I mentioned at the start #alas we shall see #yona chan muses #yona chan rants #anime spoilers

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outlawandlychgate · 4 years

Text

Chapter 2-King of the Dead; Scene 3

Outlaw & Lychgate, pages 26-39

A black tuxedo, and contrasting white skin.

Arth spoke first to the man waiting in the roof garden.

“Long time no see, wicked spirit.”

“My…You figured me out quick. Even though this is the first time you’ve met me with this appearance…”

“I could sense it. Now that I no longer have a body of flesh and blood, I’ve become able to discern between people using more than just appearances alone.”

“Thank goodness for that. I’d been thinking about changing into my black Rollam bird form if you didn’t recognize me.”

Arth didn’t care either way.

Human or bird, no matter what form he took it didn’t change this man’s true nature.

“Would you prefer I take my leave?” Bruno asked Arth.

“Yes, please do. I want to speak with him alone—And thank you, Bruno. This was a pretty frivolous errand I asked of you.”

“I don’t mind. …I got to hear an interesting story.”

“Oh, would that be—” He could generally guess the contents. “—About my having been a ‘mud doll’?”

“Yes.”

“I see…”

“Well, in the end it’s more a fairytale to me, I suppose. Never mind who you two are.”

“I suppose so…What do you plan to do now?”

“I think I might wander the world a little with my friends. There are a few acquaintances of mine that didn’t come here, after all. After that…I’ll probably go through the gate.”

“Really? You—intend to go to the ‘new world’.”

“There’s no point in continuing to wander this world forever, I would think.”

“…True.” Arth clapped Bruno on the shoulder. “Well then, take care of yourself.”

“You too, King Arth—Though the two of us have already died, ha ha.”

Bruno moved to go down the stairs, lightly chuckling.

“…Ah, wait just a second.”

Arth abruptly called Bruno back.

“What is it?”

“Could you send Keel Freezis up here? He should be in the Hall of Mirrors.”

“That merchant with the spectacles, right? Very well.”

Bruno nodded, and then left.

“…Now then.” Arth turned back to Lich. “Back…to you, Lich. Frankly I never thought the day would come that I’d see you again.”

“Last we met was around the time your wife gave birth to twins, as I recall.”

“You’d seemed quite shaken back then, unusually so.”

“You could say that. A doll that I had thought would simply wither away had just had a child with a human being, you know. I was shocked, and…delighted.”

“But you disappeared after that—you never showed up again. At the time I hadn’t understood why, but…”

Arth looked down over the garden in front of the palace from the roof.

Just as inside it was brimming with people’s souls.

“…I had a chat with Lady Banica Conchita a little while ago.”

When Arth uttered that name, Lich’s countenance seemed to shift slightly.

“About…what?”

“Well, various things. She’s a woman I had originally only known as a figure from books…My impression of her has changed a bit.”

There was a brief silence.

Grasping that Arth didn’t seem like he would speak about Banica any further, Lich cut in to change the topic, “--What’s the current situation?”

“A lot of people are in disarray. We’ll need to calm them down before we take them to the gate. However…there’s several complications.”

“Oh. Such as?”

“First, the Tasan soldiers. Even now that they’ve lost their black box and the person giving them orders, there are still some of them who are trying to keep fighting. There’s no way to settle a battle between souls. So…we’ll have to get them to lower their weapons somehow.”

“These people lived in a different time period from you. It won’t be easy to talk them down.”

“I’m leaving that part to Gallerian Marlon and his daughter. Apparently he has some ideas.”

“—I see. What else?”

Arth passed his gaze to the south, and then once more met eyes with Lich.

“One other peculiar occurrence has happened. And it’s…the reason why I called you here.”

“How intriguing. Both whatever this occurrence must be, and also the fact that you’re seeking to borrow my abilities in itself.”

“There’s no one else qualified for it. No one can face off against—those ‘dead soldiers’.”

Yes, the “dead soldiers”.

There was no longer anything living in this world.

Not just humans. All of the animals and plants, too.

And despite that—there were still beings who wandered the world with physical bodies.

“Southeast from here…where the fortress called Retasan used to be. A--gathering of dead soldiers was sighted there.”

“…”

Lich said not a word, but it was clear from his expression that he was growing interested in this story.

Arth continued speaking.

“I checked with Lady Banica, but apparently neither she nor her servants have any knowledge of them…I’ll ask you here now just to be sure—”

“Naturally, they have nothing to do with me either.”

“—Right. Then that leads us to the question of who it was that brought these dead soldiers about.”

“A similar event was witnessed during the end times…right before the world was destroyed. Dead soldiers with nothing to do with us, independent of ‘Gluttony’’s power, appeared—and they refused to follow our orders.”

“Lady Banica told me about that.”

“We named those dead soldiers ‘Outlaws’…Eater and I were the ones who dealt with them.”

“But you weren’t able to settle the matter.”

“These dead soldiers are such that they will endlessly surge forth as long as there’s dead bodies around. Nothing is quite so dangerous as when you make an enemy of them. …But I think it ultimately got left up in the air at the end, thanks to the world being destroyed.”

Still, the fact was that these Outlaws were continuing to appear even after the world’s end.

“…However.” Lich made a show of thinking for a moment, and then asked, “It’s not a big deal, surely? I can’t imagine these Outlaws can interfere with souls that have no physical body.”

“The reverse is also true. We…are unable to interfere with these Outlaws ourselves.”

“Considering neither of you are able to so much as touch the other, you ought to just leave it be.”

“I thought that too. But—” Arth’s brows drew in. “From what I heard from Lady Banica—there are souls dwelling in the dead soldiers as well, aren’t there?”

“…Yes, that’s right. The owners of the bodies in life should still be in there—”

“Then I want to do something to free those souls. There may be those among them that wish to go to the ‘new world’ but are unable to because they are bound by their dead soldier bodies.”

Lich brought both hands up before his chest and then clapped at Arth.

“How stupendous. What a magnificent idea. But…that has nothing to do with me.”

“You’d think so. Lady Banica said much the same, and refused to deal with this matter.”

“So then—”

“But your situation is a little different, isn’t it?”

“My…How do you figure that?”

Arth’s tone grew firmer as he said, “You once investigated into the dead soldiers as a method for creating a new breed of humanity. That was why you became Lady Banica’s servant. For you—I would think these Outlaws are an interesting subject, are they not? There’s even a chance that if you study them you could create a new humanity in this world—”

“—I seem to recall someone else telling me something similar just recently…But I no longer have any more interest in such things, Arth.”

“--! But, still—”

“Alright alright, calm down.”

Lich patted Arth’s arms in a placating fashion.

And then after a moment he replied, “—Well, alright. I do have some business that I’ve left unfinished."

“I see, so you’ll do it!”

Arth grinned.

“I will…And I’ll bring Eater with me. He has the dead soldier body I made for him. If he destroys these Outlaw bodies then that might release their souls that way.”

“Eater…You mean that giant skeleton?”

“Yes. He played a big role in the battle earlier, didn’t he? Where is he now?”

Arth looked a bit troubled at seeing Lich’s proud expression.

“…He’s not here right now.”

“…Huh?”

“He went off somewhere with Lady Banica and her twin servants. They said they had some business elsewhere.”

“W…wait just a second. You mean—”

“Hm, it sounds like…they left you behind.”

“…”

“In Lady Banica’s defense…She did look for you? But she couldn’t find you, so—”

“…I see. That was my oversight, wasting time in the forest ruins like I was.”

Seeing Lich’s very obviously depressed air, Arth suddenly started to laugh without thinking. “Haha. To think, even you can make a face like that. …Though I guess I couldn’t see your expressions when you were a bird.”

“Where did they say they were going?”

“I don’t know, but…Keel Freezis might have asked them about it.”

“The Elphegortean merchant.”

Arth looked a little surprised at Lich’s quick response.

“Do you know him?”

“We’ve never met face to face. But Micha—a fellow spirit once spent some time in his care.”

It was a peculiar connection they had.

But it wasn’t a big issue by this point.

“I asked Bruno to call him up here, so he should be coming soon—Oop, speak of the devil.”

A man of delicate features wearing spectacles had come up the stairs to the roof garden.

“You called me, King Arth?”

“You seemed like you were talking about something with Lady Banica earlier.”

“I was. But she’s already headed off.”

“Did you ask her where she was going? I’d like you to tell this man here, if you know.”

“I wouldn’t…mind, but…” Keel gave Lich a fixed stare, and then said, “I have a condition.”

“Oh my. Bartering with a king, are you?”

“Sometimes information is more valuable than gold. I would be a disgrace as a merchant if I just handed it away for free. –Even if it’s to the king of a country.”

He would most certainly have taken the same attitude with Arth even if they had met when they were both alive.

He thought to himself that he seemed quite the shrewd man—though Arth certainly didn’t mind such people.

He much preferred it to toady sorts who never let their intentions show on the surface.

“Very well. What do you want?”

“You plan to send this man to Retasan, correct? To resolve the matter with the dead soldiers you spoke of.”

“…Good guess. That’s right.”

“In that case, I’d like you to let me accompany him.”

Arth looked surprised, and—

Lich made a bluntly displeased expression.

“Are you interested in the dead soldiers?” Arth asked.

“I am. And—in this man too.” Keel pointed to Lich with a thin smile. “I shall endeavor to not get in the way. We can’t come into physical contact with the dead soldiers anyhow, yes?”

“That…is true.”

Arth looked to Lich with a slightly troubled expression.

“What do you think, Lich?”

“…I don’t really mind,” Lich replied as he glowered at Keel.

And then he asked him:

“So where did Lady Banica and the others go?”

Keel let out a huff, and then quietly responded, “—They said they were going to the ‘graveyard’.”

“…The graveyard, huh. That’s it for me, then.” Lich sighed. “I don’t know how to get there.”

“They said they would return here when their business was taken care of. Should we wait until then?”

“No…Let’s go see how things are at Retasan first. If it looks too difficult to manage on our own, we’ll bring Eater along then.”

“Wise decision. We’ve no guarantee they’ll come back right away. …Actually, it’s up in the air whether or not they come back safely at all—”

Keel laughed boldly.

“What are you trying to say?”

“Oh no, nothing—Well then, let’s make haste. I have a carriage and a coachman waiting outside.”

“…You’re well prepared.”

“Retasan is a long ways away. Souls might not get tired from walking but I’d rather the trip were pleasant, wouldn’t you agree?”

“If it were just me I could simply fly there…Well, alright. Wait for me outside.”

“Alright. Be seeing you.”

Keel went down the stairs, his smile never wavering.

Arth gazed at him doubtfully as he left.

“That merchant…What is he planning?”

But for his part Lich had already regained his snide smile. “I’ve got a pretty good idea. It’s nothing to worry about overmuch.”

“I suppose I’ll leave it be if you say so, but—”

“King Arth. Just one thing before we head out.” Lich stuck up his index finger, and asked, “Once this is all resolved, and you’ve set people off towards the gate…What do you plan to do then?”

“Hmph…” Arth crossed his arms and quietly closed his eyes.

“I still haven’t entirely decided on that—I’m considering remaining here.”

“My…Why is that?”

“I imagine that not everyone wishes to go to the new world. In that case…There will most certainly need to be someone to bring together all the people who stay behind.”

“So you intend to become king of the dead, hm…But that’s bound to lead to some barren and empty days, isn’t it?”

“I still haven’t given up on this world being reborn. If we can revive nature, and get ahold of new physical bodies—It is for that reason I would be grateful if you stayed and offered us your assistance.”

“…I don’t know, I’ll think about it.”

He couldn’t hold Lich back with force—that was something that Arth knew.

He was free to decide whatever he wanted.

Even if he was a wicked spirit—no, because of that.

He could not bind this man.

After wordlessly seeing off Lich from the rooftop, Arth looked up at the sky.

There he saw the sun and—regardless of the fact that it was midday—the moon, shining.

“The new world…and everyone in it…I’ll trust you with that Allen, Riliane,” he whispered quietly.

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