#this doesnt even begin to explain how i feel but its all i can do to have some semblance of control

[carbonfiction]

Ain't no shame

Summary: Riding frank for the first time proves a challenge, one that you thought yourself ready for. When it turns out you aren't, insecurity sparks up your spine. But its just your luck that Frank doesn't mind, infact, hes more than happy to help.. So long as you ask.

Masterlist. Words: 1.5k

Warnings?: as always 18+ MDNI, smut below the cutttt- piv sex, frank being a pleasure dom to the highest form, frank calls reader mama literally once (its hot. Sue me) plus lil mention of insecurity/ bad previous experiences.

Also spotted today i have a lil over 1,000 of you following me for my little ramblings and i am completely blown away. I have so much fun creating stuff for you all and have met some of the best people since creating this blog- long may it continue is all i can say. If you like, comment, reblog, send an ask or even just lurk here.. Thank you. <33

Now.. On with the smut ;)

"How’s that feelin hm? Good?" Frank breathes against your lips, one hand resting against your neck as the other sits anchored to your hips.

Bodies totally bare for the first time as you sit atop of him on the bed, franks back resting against the rickety headboard, cock nessled deep. Your plush thighs bracketing when you slid yourself down slowly. Breathing through the pleasure filled sting as you settled on his lap. Franks eyes filled with adoration as they meet yours, a rough groan passing his lips at the tight heat of your hole.

"Remember, you tell me if it gets too much alright?" he rasps, one hand moving from your hips to thumb over your shoulder soothingly before trailing down. Tongue wetting over his lips as he observes the join of your bodies, glossy slick shiney on your skin. "Don’t ever wanna hurt ya- or my gorgeous girl down here..

You whimper softly as his thumb brushes your clit, a gentle pressure as it prods at the split of your folds. Hips rocking forward just a fraction. "Wish you could see her right now.. all spread open n shiny for me, shit sweetheart, so fuckin tight too"

"S-so full frank.." you whisper, planting your hands against his pectorals as begin to lift up, dropping back down with a soft sigh. The feeling of him inside your walls comforting in a way you cant seem to explain, lip bitten as you watch each reaction to your movements.

With time comes more confident bounces, calculated rocks and grinds that push him deep and nuge against the spot that has you keening. But so too comes the creep of discomfort, tinged with pleasure but enough to fill your expression in a way you cant seem to hide. A wince here and a shuffle of your knees beside him there.

Franks observance doesnt miss this, as much as you pray he does. Gentle hands holding on as you shuffle again; this time not letting you continue without resistance.

"Hey.. There somethin' not feelin right pretty girl?" he murmers, head cocked slightly. His thumbs soothing little circles on your skin. Concern paints his features and you can feel the heat of shame overcome your bloodstream.

You'd begged for this, asked specifically to be on top and now? Now you feel like you cant live up to it and shit.. Shit it makes you embarrassed. Especially with the patience hes given you up until this point; those nights spent having sex with the lights off or with shirts still on, never deviating from missionary.

You'd wanted to try this; to give him- and yourself- something different.

So you do the thing you know best, you push through, because how could that earlier confidence fade so quickly? With a soft smile and unconvincing eyes you confirm, "M' okay, just getting comfortable" and gingerly resume the pace once more.

It feels good, neither of you can deny that. Franks length gliding so sloppily into you. Audible in the way it feeds those warm sparks of pleasure up your spine.

But frank really isn't a stupid man and he isnt blind neither. Theres an inconsistency within your movements, with the rise and falls you make against him. A forced tone to the sounds you let free. Its not feeling as good as it should for you, thats clear to see and for frank? For frank that is a fucking crime. Especially when it comes to his girls pleasure.

A large hand slips up your back, gentle and slow as if not wanting to spook you. Fingers offering a gentle squeeze to the base of you neck, just enough to gather your attention back to his face once again. You hadn't even noticed your gaze waver and lock to the chiseled planes of his chest.

"You got it or you need my help sweet girl?" he murmers, leaning up to press his lips to your forehead. "Know there ain’t no shame in askin, always gon' give you whatcha need."

Your throat bobs as you swallow, anxiety suddenly filling your gorgeous features. And its then your words break Franks heart. "D-dont want you to.. To be mad.. Said i could do it.."

Your lip wobbles and frank engulfs your form immediately, pressing you close to his chest. A shake of his head visible in your periphery as you rest against him. "Christ sweetheart, you listen to me" he says shifting your head up slightly to meet his gaze like your made of glass. "I am never gon be mad bout that. If s' too much then it's too much alright? Not your fault"

Frank watches you breathe in his words, brows creased just slightly when you nod. He doesn't know everything about your past, about the expectations of the few men you'd let touch you, but he can guess they were less than understanding. Enough to make you shrink in on yourself the way you have now anyway.

Your voice is soft when you speak up again, meek and still anxious. "You promise?.. Dont want you to.. To not enjoy it.."

Frank has to bite back the scoff threatening to dislodge from his throat. Him? Not enjoy it? While you're sat perfectly bare atop of him like this? Each gorgeous curve housed by plush flesh driving him wild, indents from his fingers littering your skin. Breasts covered with blooming bruises from his adoration filled attention alone.

What on earth had those clowns you'd been with before made you think?

"Course i promise babydoll. Enjoy just bein with you-" he rasps quietly, fingers tangling into your hair, large palm cupping your head as he rests you against his forehead. The usual crease that lives in his brows gone, replaced by something much softer. "-sittin on the couch watching tv or goin walkin how we do.. this is just a bonus, something extra. Now if you wanna stop sweetheart thats okay too-

"No!" you cut him off quickly, a flicker of fire back into your eyes, cunt clenching around him in your panic as you pull back. "No dont wanna stop, Please frank..dont stop"

He nods, wetting his lips with a gentle hush. "Alright, so how bout we try something else hm? Somethin that works for you" the hand in your hair drifts to your jaw, calloused thumb soothin over soft skin. "Aint gotta worry bout me, just gotta focus on you.. you tell me how you want it n I’ll get you there.. that sound good?"

It takes a second before you nod, the movement still a little sheepish as frank trails kisses over your features. Jaw, cheeks and forehead first, followed by a decent back down your nose to press against your lips, swallowing your words. "M-mhm, yeah.. But i.. I want you to.. to do it like this still.."

"Like this?" frank hums, adjusting you both until hes pressed flat, his feet down on the mattress just like his back. A large arm wraps around your shoulders, pushing gently between them as his head finds home the crook of your neck. Sheets bunching in your fists in preparation. "Sure this is what you want honey? Not too deep?"

"Want it like this." you confirm, pressing yourself down against his chest a little more, pushing him a little deeper, head turning to the side to nuzzle into his chest. "Fuck me frankie..please.."

And following your pleas, he does. His hips lift in a steady succession of thrusts, cock brushing your walls in a way that immediately feels better than before. A soft whimper filling franks ears as he repeats his thrusts over and over.

"shhhh, I know mama, I know." he pants, full balls a steady swat gainst you as you take every inch he has to give; pleasure blossoming quickly. "Doin so good like this, taking everything i got"

"Feels so.. Oh fuck frankie, s' good, gonna cum- gonna make me cum!" you sob out, blood pounding loudly through your ears, orgasm building in your belly as quick as his thrusts.

Franks hand presses harder into your back, the weight between your shoulder blades a comfort as it pushes you against him harder. "Yeah? Give it to me baby, yeah cmon, let me feel it" he groans roughly, lips against your temple.

That very plea is what sends you over the edge, orgasm bluring your vision as franks thrusts remain steady. Quick and sharp pounds as he fucks into your quivering form. Each movement making the squelch of your weeping cunt louder, a creamy ring forming around the base of Franks cock.

Its only a handful more bucks later that Frank's high crashes into him like lightning. Pulsing ropes of cum painting your insides until you feel physically full.

"Atta girl.. My beautiful fuckin girl" he pants against your skin, sweat soaked and spit stricken. "That what you wanted?"

Your head nods, lips sloppily finding his with a soft whine. hips unconsciously rocking backward, cum leaking out of your messy hole, still plugged by his sensitive cock.

[dumbkiri]

𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐊 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒 6

χα∂єη яισяѕση χ ƒ! мαιяι! яєα∂єя

ρℓσт: your vision of death haunts your dreams and the more you sleep, the more you see and feel. getting closer to the event, you know that xaden has something to do with your sacrifice. his choice between you and violet will either kill you or save you. and you don't know which choice leads to you living.

ησтє: again the timeline is different from FW and I need to change some things to fit you (our lovely mc) into the story that literally involves a romantic relationship between Xaden and Violet.

also! I don't know whether to make MC still have a complicated relationship with xaden or have her fall in love with another male in FW (bodhi, ridoc, brennan, etc) seriously there are a lot of males to choose from. so I'm leaving the choice to you, my readers! it's your story!

also since Amber Mavis signet isnt really a thing, I gave her an OP one, but girlie is dead soooooooo doesnt matter anymore

NOT PROOFREAD! WILL BE MISTAKES! LOOKING FOR BETA READERS! MESSAGE ME IF INTERESTED!!!

down.

down.

down you go. 

Fall and fall until your breath is gone. Only then will you ascend to be the daughter you were meant to be. A crown of light and a cloak of darkness is your fate to carry the rest to their gates. Maiden of the Moon, you are the daughter that tames the tidal waves. 

down.

down.

down you go. 

……

The moon. 

It’s always the moon that greets you it seems. With its blue gaze on your falling body, the slow motion of it all devours your aching wounds and swallows you inch by inch. You watched your kunai in your weak grasp painted in blood with a feeling of pride. Then regretfully your digits release it, your only weapon discarded in the sky as you begin to fall faster. 

The [f.color] kunai waved its goodbye to you and a tear left your eyes. Your choice of weapon has always been a dagger, and this unique one allowed you to use it as it was meant to be and as a fidget. You could spin your kunai with your finger while you study, spin it while you ranted to Imogen or while flights on Lenin took longer than usual. You remember Sloane begging for one of your kunais saying that they looked cool. 

You promised her that you would give her one when she proved her worth at Basgaith and bonded to a dragon. But you can’t do that now. They’re going to burn everything you owned, from your drawings, to your wooden figurines and now your daggers. 

You’re still falling? You thought that right about now, your body would have smacked into branches or trees. Maybe even a lake. Yet you felt your body freeze in the cold. Stagnant. Unmoving. 

Then your body jerked and you resumed your descent. All of this, your surroundings and your feelings felt familiar in an eerie sense. You’ve seen this before. When Bodhi accompanied you in your room. When you woke up crying in Xaden’s arms telling him how you died. 

You know this feeling all too well. The dread in your stomach and the wind whipping at your body. This is when you die and you know your heroic death scares you. Yet you knew why you threw yourself into danger and you closed yourself out. 

What was the danger, [Name]? What was the cause of your fall? What was Liam doing?

Xaden’s voice demanded answers and now this time you can find them. For now, he knocked you out of your acceptance. Here you are investigating your death and the cause of it. 

You forced the fear at the back of your mind, taking in your surroundings and watching the vision play. You willed yourself to pay attention to every detail despite this scene playing out your death. 

Someone is yelling your name. No, multiple people are. You can hear their voices carry in the raging storm, from females to males, to your own dragon. 

 Lightning streaks the sky in a rhythm you couldn’t follow. Uncontrolled. Right. It’s raining, actually pouring like a catastrophic storm and you took notice that you didn’t wear your flight goggles. It explains how your vision wasn’t actually smeared with rain drops. Just…fading out. 

You can hear the sounds of dragon roars and other roars that sounded similar but deeper in their throat. In the light the moon provided and the lightning striking across the sky, it was a full on battle in the skies. No sight of gryphons. 

They are out of the equation. Yet because of their lack of involvement, a chill ran down your spine. The sound of a wyvern and their screeching venin calling you out with a word that sounded like…witch.  

Move your body. Will your mind move your body if you keep yelling at yourself?

“Dagger!” 

You felt your heavy eyes watch the moon, too occupied with the feeling it gave you. A sense of completeness. Then the ghostly women and their whispers came back. Rushing in your ears, chanting their wicked words reminding you that you were going to die. 

down. down. down you go. 

Your story is over and your body started to feel numb with the cold rain that splattered against your exhausted figure. The danger…it’s still ongoing. You killed one. You know you did, yet another one lived. All that mattered was going after the one that went after your brother.

Liam. 

You sacrificed yourself to save him. What is the danger? Why the battle? Is it an exercise that went deadly? Or perhaps a mission that went south? Fuck, everything is all blurred in your head. The feelings of you experiencing the vision and the you of the vision confused you. 

It’s wyvern and venin. The you in the vision confirmed that for you. It’s not a training exercise, it’s not war games. It’s not a mission gone south. The two versions of you, the present and the future felt different from one another. 

The you now…you weren’t ready to die. You wanted to ignore this possibility. You wanted to live and see the plans Xaden had succeeded. You didn’t want to leave your siblings behind or leave your devoted dragon alone on the battlefield. 

But the you in the vision knew something about Xaden. Even the mention of him made the Vision you seethe with her teeth clenched tightly. Is it because she was mad at the ill attempt Liam made to save Violet. 

Violet. Now you know why Liam was in danger. Because of the bodyguard task Xaden gave Liam, your brother tried to help her. You stepped in to save him while he saved her from the present danger. 

“Dagger, wake up!”

You have to see if your sacrifice was in vain or not. You have to know that you died saving your brother. Your stomach twisted with a pain you couldn’t yet comprehend although that jolt of the unknown feeling made your eyes open wide. Then with your last strength to keep them open you saw a red dragon fly above you, with your cloak falling off of it like a blanket caught in the wind. 

“[Name]! Hang on!” Liam shouted above you and he seemed okay. 

He’s okay. Alive and well. 

You smiled in relief, feeling blood rise in the back of your throat and coughed it out with painful breaths. Liam is alive. Sloane won’t be stuck with you. She’ll have him next year, leading her through all the obstacles and trials of being a rider. 

“Dagger, wake up!” 

You can’t. Not even if you wanted to. Your body relaxed with the last of its energy leaving you and you knew this was your time. All of it spent to see Liam and Deigh safe and sound. You did your job. You protected your brother with your signet, allowed him and Deigh to escape the…escape what…what was the danger? 

Hmm…whatever it was….you don’t want to think about it. All you wanted to do was close your eyes and sleep. Yes, you welcomed sleep as the moon held you in its sad gaze. 

Your only hope is that your brother remembers you as the sister who loved him enough to sacrifice herself for him. Not as the sister who cursed at him or hated him at their last conversation together. Because he wasn’t to blame for your anger. 

No, you had to give credit where credit was due. 

…….

“[Name], I need you to open your eyes.” 

Xaden, voice strained and desperate, rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand. His gentle touch and his disheartened tone woke you out of your vision. Although you didn’t wake as easily as you thought you would. You groaned in your bed and tried to move your lips, but your body felt so stiff. You couldn’t even will your eyes to open.

At your discomfort, you felt Xaden clench your hand in his and his other hand caressed your face. “Hey, I’m here with you,” He encouraged, focusing on the furrow of your brows and tense jaw, “and you’re here with me. You have to relax, you’re not in danger.” 

You can still feel the sensation of falling. You hadn’t stopped falling yet. Liam. Remember me. 

“Remem…” Your eyes squeezed tighter, “Remember..me.” 

“I’m here with you,” Xaden repeated, his hand moving from your face down to your shoulder to shake you lightly. “Open your eyes, [Name]. I haven’t seen them in a week. Please let me know that you’re okay.” 

A week. 

“Dagger, take your time.” Lenin softly hummed in your head and his voice gave you the comfort you needed so badly. He was still here. Along with Xaden. You have to tell him what you saw. 

But you can feel sleep coming for you again, the unknown women’s voices singing all around you in their ghostly whispers. 

“Vision,” You mustered out, “Death. Me.”

“The same vision?” Xaden questioned and you squeezed his hand back for a yes. “Can you tell me what happened? A battle? Enemies? Anything.”

“Liam tries to save Vi…” 

Suddenly, you stopped speaking. Like someone sewed your mouth shut and you heard the women getting louder. A coldness hovered over your body and you let it embrace you. It wiped away the warmth from Xaden, muffled his words of encouragement. 

Your whole body relaxes, the grip you had on Xaden loosening up. Sleep has taken you in her hold again making you relive the vision in its entirety this time. 

……

VIOLET’S POV

“How is Lenin doing today?” 

“What do you think?” Tairn replied with annoyance thrumming in my head, his voice deeper in his agitation. 

“Sorry for asking all the time, but I’m concerned. [Name] has been in this coma for months. Xaden and the rest are more broody than normal and don’t get me started on Dain.” I focused on the spinning dagger on my finger watching it move smoothly and lethally. Well not in my hands, in [Name]’s hands this dagger moved like it had been an extension of her. She flicked this dagger with precise movements allowing it to spin on her finger, her knuckles or her bouncing knee. 

“Lenin sleeps all day!” Andarna added with her childish voice ringing in my head. And a quiet chuckle left my lips because this feathertail could tell me anything. Things Tairn obviously wanted my knowledge of it nonexistent. Although I could not ask about her. What Dain did to her. What Liam is going through worrying about his older sister. Saying he should have been hanging out with her more. Train with her. 

Then there was Xaden. My heart plummeted to my stomach seeing how he was holding up. Which is barely. He stuck to the shadows more often than not and visited her with Nolon any chance he got. Xaden spoke to Sgaeyl more than he did to his actual friends and team. Drifting off in his conversations with her and probably having her relay what Lenin knows, if anything at all. 

When Xaden came back, holding an unconscious [Name] close to his chest with his eyes searching for Nolon and healers, I could tell something had been terribly wrong. Even Lenin’s humming echoed throughout the flight field for days haunted my dreams. A man waiting for his…girlfriend to come back to him. A dragon waiting patiently for his rider to wake up from her dreams.  

“But he said she woke up for a bit. He’s trying his best to balance her.” Andarna chirped up. And I knew her hopefulness came from either Sgaeyl or Tairn. Getting the younger dragon not to worry about her sibling made more sense. Yet if Lenin truly did sleep for months just like his rider, he must be deteriorating in health. Neglecting his hunts isn’t something [Name] would want for her dragon. 

“Tairn, what does Andarna mean by that?” I ask. 

Tairn huffed, “It means she needs to stop bothering her brother. Cloak is dreaming, Silver One. It’s what you humans do when you sleep.” Yeah, he wasn’t wrong about that. I pushed the dream I had of Xaden and I to the back of my mind, drowning it in a pit. There is nothing going on between Xaden and I. Maybe just a bit, but with [Name]’s unexpected coma and the future trouble it brings to the Marked Ones…we haven’t actually spent any time together. 

“Well then, how are you and Sgaeyl doing? I haven’t felt…anything from you guys in a while.” 

“Our son is in a deep slumber and you think we’d engage in any sort of intimacy with one another while he suffers in his silence?” 

“Right. I-I don’t know why I asked that.”

“If you want Shadow to see you then make it happen. Don’t taint what I do with my mate with your ideas.” 

Then Tairn was gone. That was super embarrassing because that’s not at all what I intended to come out of the conversation. But he is right. Why would Sgaeyl, hopelessly protective of her son, want to have sex with her partner when her boy was suffering? In his silence, said Tairn. Lenin is keeping his parents out of the loop. This dragon wasn’t going to share anything with his parents until he had the full story. 

Then again [Name] has missed so much. She’s so out of the loop, I’m not sure I can tell her everything, especially Liam’s near death experience.  From Jack Barlowe kicking my ass, to me saving Liam then killing Jack for the whole fight. Channeling my signet. Liam channeling his signet. I missed her training me, I miss her glares and her insults. And the rare occasions when she would smile at me. I stared at the kunai with slouched shoulders and sighed loudly. 

“I need to apologize to her. If anything happens to her…I need to get this off my shoulders.” 

This meaning the blame I put on her for letting the unbonded in my room. The way I had her friends question her motives. 

I grabbed my flight jacket and stormed out of my room with quick and light steps. Surely Nolon will allow me to visit [Name] at this time. My boots barely made any noise on the steps leading to [Name]’s room. After months of monitoring her, Nolon gave the okay that she could rest in her room. Some people had access to her room while others were strictly forbidden to go near, like Dain and the unbonded. 

I kept close to the shadows on the wall, ignoring the light that came from the moon outside. Then when I found her room, I hurried over to the door and walked right in. Earlier in the months, when Nolon allowed [Name] to rest in her room, Xaden warded the room to certain people. Luckily, he accepted me as a trusted friend of [Name]’s. 

Her mage light flicked on right when I shut the door behind me and I sighed in relief. Her room always brought a sense of belonging for some reason. Like there was this constant safety blanket over me. Definitely not her cloak because that always washed over me like cold water. 

I slipped my jacket off and settled it down on a chair with a huff. Then I brought my attention to her sleeping peacefully in her dreams. She was covered in multiple blankets, her head surrounded by pillows. I’m assuming Imogen sleeps on the floor sometimes with those extras. Which means I better make my visit quick. Any of them could walk in and check in on her. 

I sat myself on the chair next to her bed and sucked in a deep breath. Come on, she’s sleeping. It’s better to do this than tell her when she’s actually awake. Go, Violet. Say it. 

“I’m sorry for making you suffer like this,” It’s the first thing that comes to mind. 

“I know that bonding to Tairn seemed impossible, like how everyone told you that bonding to Lenin was a crazy idea. They both weren’t supposed to choose us somehow. But they did anyway. You trained all your life to become a dragon rider, to live another day. I wanted to be like my father, a scribe. And now, here I am speaking to one of the most badass females I ever met in my life.”

Fuck, where am I going with this?

“I never wanted to be a rider, but when Tairn chose me. I don’t know, I felt like I proved everyone wrong. Like how you prove to everyone that you are a lethal rider with one of the biggest dragons. So I wanted to be like you. I wanted to fight like you, speak like you with confidence. To have a powerful signet. To have his attention like you.” 

Maybe I shouldn’t say that last part. My feelings for Xaden have to be kept to myself. 

“Anyways, I came here to apologize to you. I know you don’t remember, but when I bonded to Tairn I became a target. One night, someone let unbonded riders into my room hoping that they’ll kill me. I saw them for a brief moment like a shimmer when the rest attacked me. Xaden was the first to help me and when he questioned me with Garrick and Bodhi by his side, I let my words slip.”

Yeah, here it goes. The whole story. The truth and my guilt. 

“I told him that the person who let these unbonded in my room had a shimmer around their body. Like a cloak. That’s when he snapped at me, telling me that you would never do that to him. That your jealousy couldn’t have been that petty to put his life in danger. And I said that I saw the cloaked person leave like nothing. Bodhi tried to make sense of it, but Xaden’s fury was unmatched to any reason. He told them to meet you at your door after they woke up Imogen. He didn’t care about being seen with them, more than three because he needed to know. I saw the hurt in his eyes and I- I watched them leave after he made sure I was okay.” 

[Name] didn’t even stir at the information I decided to dump on her. No reaction to her peaceful expression. No twitch of her fingers or toes. Just the steady rise and fall of her chest. 

“Turns out, it wasn’t you. Imogen told us that your cloak doesn’t shimmer. Not after all the hard work you did to make it invisible to the eye. So with further investigation, Xaden and the rest pinned the blame on Amber Mavis after seeing her use your signet for her own gain. Her signet allowed her to copy others and she chose yours.”

I moved my eyes to her lips which parted with soft breaths leaving it. 

“She died. And you asked Imogen to erase your memories. Because your friends trusted me more than they did you. They trusted a word of an outsider more than the ones that left your mouth and you are technically family to them. I wanted to apologize way earlier, but Lenin had other plans. Imogen and Bodhi told me that you would refuse to teach me anything if you knew the truth. So I kept my mouth shut.” 

I reached out to her uncovered hand and held it in my own. Is it bad to say that I missed when she would grab my hand and flip me around on the sparring mat? I need her back to keep me going, to teach me everything she can. 

A groan snapped me out of my trance and I looked up in surprise to see [Name]’s eyes flutter open. For second, her blue eyes changed to lilac. The pretty purples looking around her room then shutting them again. When she opened her eyes again they were back to blue. 

“Vi…Violet?” She sounded confused and her grip on my hand tightened. 

“[Name], are you…are you really awake?” I asked dumbfoundedly, perhaps thinking I was in some kind of dream too. 

“I think I am,” She said in a whisper, not believing that she was either, “How long was I out for?” 

How should I let her down easy? I hummed and said quietly, matching her volume, “Well in two days is the Reunification Day. Uh, it’s been months, but don’t worry you didn’t miss a lot.” 

“Alright then,” [Name] calmly responded and released my hand. I was expecting a harsher or more dramatic response, but she seemed withdrawn. I don’t think I was the first person she wanted to wake up to. 

“I can get Xaden for you, he’s been waiting for you to wake up ever since the challenge with Dain and that other third year.” I say, hoping to get her out of her bed or to get more of a reaction from her. Instead she looks at me with tired eyes and says, “I’ll be alright. I’m going to sleep some more.” 

“No!” I shouted and jumped up from my seat, “What happened to you? You know you can tell me anything, right? I promise I can get Xaden here in a second. He really wants to know that you’re okay.” 

Quickly I reach out to Xaden, closing my eyes tightly and searching for him, “She’s awake! You have to get here quickly!” 

“I’m on my way! What has she said?” Xaden responded instantly, his voice sending shivers down my spine. 

“Nothing, but she wants to sleep some more!” 

“Keep her awake, Violence!” He ordered. The nickname, I haven’t heard him call me that in some time now. 

I opened my eyes and felt creeped out by how intensely she was staring at me. Then [Name] sighed, turning her back on me. She pulled her blankets higher, up to her shoulders and snuggled into her pillows. 

“Don’t worry, Violence,” [Name] said almost in a mocking way, “I will wake tomorrow. I’m almost done seeing how everything turns out.” 

Then she closed her eyes and fell right back to sleep. But I stood in my place absolutely dumbfounded by her choice of words. Violence. Seeing how everything turns out. Her words seemed to ring with truth, not some kind of joke. Or the delirious waking of her coma. 

[Name] Mairi is going to wake up tomorrow. And she’ll know how everything will turn out. 

“Tairn, how is Lenin doing now?” I asked and three beats of silence went by before I got my answer. 

“He’s waking up with a few changes to his appearance.” 

Great, now I need to know how this happened. 

..............................

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬:

@luvly-writer @blueeclipsepaperstudent @honethatty12 @poeticbookwormcat @cheappremingerfromdelululand @eep500 @littlepippilongstocking @86laura11 @lxnvmvrzx @what-will-be-your-verse @sheblogs @fangirling-galore @callsigns-haze @side-angel @faeofthemoonandstars @jesschalamet @abysshaven @bisexualbitchsgotass @books-hlmc @r0sluvs @galaxystern08 @bwormie @littleemissperfecttt @lagrandeourse @steph-fowlie

if I missed anyone, please let me know! Send me a DM or something because I lose your names in all the activity! Making me go fishing for y'all

[ongreenergrasses]

My unpopular Gale opinion is that I dont think he ever loses sight of who the real enemy is. And he makes plenty of mistakes but I dont think he lacks empathy or doesnt see human life as valuable. I know people argue that his actions regarding the Nut are heartless but a) i seriously doubt he was the first with the strategy to collapse the nut (no matter how collins frames it) and b) the nut was a military base, its existence aided in the bombing of hospitals, children and district 12. I think everyone would have preferred if there was a peaceful way or less horrible way to stop the Nut but there likely wasnt without even more severe loss of life (rebel troops going in would have also been a massacre and many had already lost their lives trying to get control of it). The point is that war is ugly. I hate how Katniss and by extension SC tries to argue that that kind of thinking (destroying the Nut) leads to thinking that supports the hunger games. Like there is a massive difference between the two and fandom runs with it to portray Gale as reprehensible.

I hate that fandom acts like Gale has not experienced death or loss because he wasnt in the arena. He experienced that on a much larger scale than Katniss with the d12 bombing, whereas Katniss sees murder and death in the arena on a smaller scale where individuals are at fault which explains why they both react the way they do in mockingjay. In saying that I really feel that Mockingjay does not give enough attention to the district 12 bombing as it should. I don't think it makes sense the victor's village wasnt bombed (it should have been the first thing). But except for Madge, everyone Katniss cares about seems to survive and Katniss even gets to keep family mementos and sentimental things. Obviously because she is the main character but I think it would have been more awful (and realistic) if they had been lost because frankly that is what happens during genocide. There is no warning and people are left with nothing. Its what happened to everyone else in d12. And i definitely hate that SC writes that some survivors thought it was good luck to be of free of d12 at last. I just think that would have been an insane thing to say after watching 90% of your people perish. Considering everyone likely lost someone during the bombing I'm assuming those survivors got sucker punched almost immediately.

I want to print this ask out and frame it

YEAH. Yeah. Katniss and Gale have both suffered immensely but the way that they’ve experienced death and loss is markedly different. one of the things they initially connected on was the loss of their fathers in the same mining accident, and they had similar views and experiences of death. but then Katniss goes into the Games and that starts to diverge. for Katniss, killing is a deeply personal act because she had to do it in such close quarters and suffered so acutely. for Gale, he sees how callously and easily the Capitol inflicts a genocide by wiping out a district and he begins to see death and loss as something that can be done sweepingly to achieve an aim. I don’t think he sees that as a positive thing at all, but he sees how the Capitol wields mass death as a tool and he realizes (correctly, btw) that the only way for the rebels to prevail is to match their tactics.

and his approach makes sense. Gale watched a genocide. he was the only reason any of his people survived at all. the weight of that and the responsibility he was shoved into at max 19 years old is horrifying. he is the only reason D12 still exists. he is also the only reason the rest of the country finds out what happened to D12. and Katniss displays absolutely no understanding of how that would affect him, because she’s also extremely traumatized and stuck in quite a self centered mindset, but as readers we can extrapolate and think about just how much that would screw with his head. but of course this lack of sensitivity and thought also comes from SC, for the reasons you pointed out. the idea that some survivors would be glad to be free of D12…gross. I’m sure plenty of people had very complex feelings about it but who is glad to see their home burn, everything they know lost, and 90 percent of their people killed?

[tbmkit]

A Deep Dive on "The End" of Las Nevadas

to start things off, this is my own interpretation of his dialogue. i explained how i feel about the stream here in this post. going off of that, i am going to break down the way quackity (who, for clarification sake i'll just refer to as alex) interpreted him. this is gonna get into random theories and probably get like, a little personal and im going to sound crazy but im also autistic and super invested with a bunch of free time... but i think the whole way this stream was carried out had a double meaning to it, and i will examine it here. not proofread, we 're going in raw. so, let's begin with...

Section 1: The Different Personalities of the Quackities

for starters, i want to examine the personalities of each character. obviously, im not taking much (aside from a few bits) into account from the other streams. this was all carefully crafted in one stream to get each persona down, rather than on-the-fly acting. each one has a sort of "archetype" to dissect.

q!quackity, who is quiet, reserved, skittish - yet smart and observant. he uses longer words, and spends more time observing the conversations, then jumping in for the "kill"

k!quackity, who is battered from the betrayal hes gone through, he feels hurt yet he doesnt feel anger. its internalized, he doesnt trust the others, however he mentions that they need to build trust to get out of the "cube"

ln!quackity, who is extroverted, boisterous, the physical incarnate of a bruised ego. he holds his head high not realizing his neck is always exposed, ready for someone to rip him to shreds if they hit the right vein. he's an asshole, making fun of the others, holds himself proudly on his achievements. but he's the only one that cries. q!quackity is anxious, but he doesn't cry. ln!quackity does.

and... alex. a self-proclaimed introvert, who is kind and observant, who forces himself to get out of his comfort zone, something he called a "finish line." a writer, a director, someone who loves telling stories. and this one, happens to be a story of different personas of his, with one being killed off.

and with that, we get into the topic of what i believe the stream represents. if you'll join me for a long read, i think this stream represents his growth as a person and a content creator, in a very extreme and especially vulnerable way.

Section 2: Pre-Quackities Dialogue

an interesting point about ln!quackity is that his dialogue is very turbulent. he goes from being confident to anxious and scared in a moment's notice.

from...

Slime! Was this you? Did you do this? I didn't mean to do this- the the.. I wasn't… malfunction! An explosive went off! I don't know where I am! I might've done some [stupid] stuff, but it's not- it's not fair to pin it on me. You saw it- you saw it- you saw what everyone did to me…

at first, he's very confused. a topic he brings up later is how he always wins, or rather how the house always wins. he succeeded in killing himself, thus the surprise. he didn't really mean to succeed, he thought he'd fail just like all the other times. that's what he's used to.

then...

I don't know who you are, and you certainly don't know who I am either. […] If you have any answers for me, just let me know, please. Alright fine- whoever put me here, get me out! Or just kill me! That was the point of what I was trying to do!

his ego pops in - "you certainly don't know who i am either" weighing his importance. he can't die, he's just so vital for his country. his carefully crafted country. but he can't stand not knowing what actually happened - did he finally succeed? for once in his entire life? no, surely not. he wants to get out - he didn't really mean to kill himself. just one more chance, he wants. but if he can't have one more chance, he just wants it to be over. either keep fighting and fighting or finally give up, even if you just succeeded for the first time in your life.

finally to...

We can make a deal, alright? Let's do a little bit of gambling, let's make a deal! […] You let me out of here, I… do you want me to do good deeds? I'll do good deeds! […] I'll do it, just let me go… just give me a sign…

"ha! gambling, casinos, money! that's my personality! you guys know me, mr. casino man! ring any bells yet?? you guys know that's what i'm all about!" he cries. that's where his power is held - material possessions, easy wins, his comfort zone. something he can easily control. he tries to paint himself as a "better" version of himself by offering his material possessions, anything to save his ass. something he can live without, something he's comfortable losing because he'll just gain it back double in the end.

Section 3: Pre-Monologue

the first thing ln!quackity says to k!quackity - apart from being taken aback by being called a gringo - is

A foreigner?! Where are you from?

now this might come off as one of the farther reaches in this post, but i feel like this was mean to represent ("this" as in, the way ln!quackity treats k!quackity as a whole) the switch to spanish content that alex did. i feel like ln!quackity is very offput by k!quackity because it was a hard switch for alex to make, given how people in the public - and in private - treated this switch. throughout the stream, ln!quackity treats k!quackity with ambivalence - not with hatred or disgust, but also with an underlying fearful tone - as he does not understand him when he speaks spanish. however, ln!quackity does speak spanish. he spoke spanish all the time. hell, the casino is called el palacio (which you can see on the signs inside), we got el rapids, mexican l'manburg, flirting with schlatt... this is just a front. he just doesn't want to communicate, even acknowledge him speaking to him. his ego gets in the way, not wanting to acknowledge this. q!quackity does not speak spanish, this was clear given the lore of qsmp with elquackity. however, ln!quackity is known as bilingual. so why would he try to hide that part of him? you tell me.

You see? I was also betrayed! And actually I was the one doing the torturing, but I have the better story here.

"hah look at me im so badass! who gives a fuck if you went through so much shit! i also did that shit but to someone else! that also kinda happened to me but who cares!" says the deeply traumatized individual who perpetuates a cycle of abuse.

Tone it fucking down. You don't know who you're speaking to.

he says this directly after being called out by the other two. he, again, deems himself as more important. he's the badass one, he's the one that is more "successful," he gets all the fame and credit. thus, when someone tries to tell him that he's full of shit, he immediately puts up his defenses - the ones he's been crafting for all his life, through the endless amount of trauma he's gone through. did he ever back down? show emotions? no, he hasn't. he's always just been a powerhouse. even when his friends and partners betrayed him, he used that to fuel his drive, not knock him down.

I win. That's my job. My job is to make people think they win. I'm a multimillionaire because I run an extremely successful casino business. I also am the president of the richest country in my world. But you know, the more success, the more people want to kill you. And if I'm here right now it's because they succeeded - although I do think the people responsible might be dead soon as well, because if I truly am dead, then they fucked up. So yeah I'm not worried about it at all. Just a bunch of cowards that stormed my casino, probably shot me, they'll get caught.

here he goes again, flaunting his achievements. whenever someone tries to wiggle through the cracks of his ego, he spits out the same recycled speech about his achievements. everyone wants him, everyone wants what he has. but does he truly want it all? is it to make up for what he had lost, or maybe it's to hide his emotions or his insecurities? will they all be drowned out by material possessions? "the more success, the more people want to kill you," so, himself, since that's who killed him in the end? with how much he's been gaining, does that mean that his will to live dwindled too as he got everything he ever wanted? but of course, this is all one big lie to cover up the fact that he was the one with a bounty on his own head.

Q!Quackity: If you are as successful as you say you are, I would imagine that you would already be on edge for someone trying to kill you. […] so how exactly did you inflict your own death?

bonus! with the context above, i feel like q!quackity picked up on his suicidal tendencies, and is thus asking, "hey, since you have it all and i kiiinda feel like we all killed ourselves here, and you said the more successful you are the more people wanna kill you, doesn't that mean you wanna kill yourself?"

Section 4: The Monologue

Fine. You wanna know how I got here? I fucking destroyed it all, I fucking did it. I fucking did it. I sat on my fucking throne and I lit it all on fire and it was fucking beautiful. You know why? Because you can't trust nobody. You can't fucking trust nobody. Alright… alright… I come from a world where you can't trust nobody. Your neighbour will backstab you for a piece of bread if he has to. There are no friends where I came from, okay? And people will sell you out in a fucking second. I tried it all, I tried politics, I tried businesses, and I never won. You know what made all those fail? You know what made every fucking attempt of mine fail? Trust! You can't trust people! They will kill you! So if I can't win, I did what I had to do.

the first half of the monologue is all about being betrayed. "how did i get here? / i destroyed it all / it was beautiful" for someone who prides himself in his material possessions, this doesn't feel like he'd be happy about getting rid of it all. his entire country, what he loved. las nevadas is his comfort zone. that's why he was confined to it, he never left, nobody entered, truly. sure he had some of his friends, but they betrayed him in the end. he ended up hurting them and they left, or they hurt him regardless.

this is where alex comes into play. this monologue was intentional, this was raw and vulnerable. it represents ln!quackity, yes. but, underlying is alex throughout it all. it's not a hidden fact that he's had a lot of people that ended up betraying him, and others in his life as well. so many people took advantage of his trust and kindness. they wanted to commodify him, use his fame, get a bit of clout, get his money, all for themselves. ln!quackity didn't want to be on top of the world, he rose so high up that from below everything looks so small and lost sight of where he was. this represents the ego. it's so easy for your ego to get ahold of you, but when you're so high up, you get knocked down, all the way to your death...

I fabricated my wins, I created my own country, I built my circumstances. Me! Nobody else! Because nobody else thinks like I do! Nobody can! So there comes a point where it's over, at some point you fucking lose.

the aforementioned fall. las nevadas was his comfort - the only place where nothing could go wrong. everything went his way, and only his. the house always wins, it's his comfort zone. he crafted it himself. "nobody else thinks like i do / nobody can" represents his internal struggle. his insecurities that he had to build four walls and a roof over, hidden away from sight in a city of different buildings. he thinks hes the only one that feels this way, he doesnt think anyone can feel the amount of pain he does. life is a chore for ln!quackity, he chugs through it and never once could he rest. but, he finally got to. and now that he has it all... what else is there left? his insecurities and shame that he trapped himself in with all this time. he's forced to sit with them, ponder, grow attached to them yet still hide them from everyone. nobody can know how he feels, nobody can know what he thinks. he never opened up, he never got in touch with his emotions and thus

My partner, my great business partner… I built him, piece by piece, I gave him the personality that I wanted! He learned from me, he is who he is because of me! Yet he has the audacity to abandon me? To abandon what I built? To defy me? He called me a bad person and guess what? I am a bad person. And I'll fucking own it til the day I die. Everything gets destroyed, I'm not gonna wait for a fucking traitor to put me in my grave, that's my JOB. So yeah, I inflicted it, I'm here because of me. I'm here because of me, nobody else. *starts crying*

this is where it gets tricky. my personal interpretation that fits with the theme is that slime represents alex. ln!quackity - or rather, his ego - molded slime into what he is - a copy of ln!quackity. a hollow imitation of the ego. ln!quackity made slime into precisely that. he was a blank slate, he had so much power over him, and thus he finally had someone who could think like him, without the pain that ln!quackity felt because slime felt none. not until ln!quackity hurt him - his own ego hurt alex, in this sense. the fame, his career had hurt him.

"to abandon what i built / to defy me" taking a step back to keep your ego in check, to finally realize what matters in life, is an act of defiance. to humble yourself, to realize you're nothing more than a person that feels hurt by his environment (calling back to: "I might've done some [stupid] stuff, but it's not- it's not fair to pin it on me. You saw it- you saw it- you saw what everyone did to me…" which he said when he was alone, begging for his life, for a second chance to go back to where he felt safest) it was such a strong revelation that it made ln!quackity cry. finally, he could cry.

ln!quackity, in his own eyes, is perfect. he's what everyone wants to be. money, fame, achievements... but the moment he realizes hes hurt he comes back down from his pedestal. he's not the badass everyone wants him to be, he's not the king of the land, he's scared and sensitive. he just wants to be loved, but every time he is, he gets hurt. so why love when you can hurt? that's why he's so rude and abrasive. because why love when hurting is easier? hurting is the norm, hurting is comfort. las nevadas is a nation that encapsulates nothing but pain.

Where do you guys think you are? What is this to you, just a little game? Just a little more entertainment? Look around us, look at this, look at this sick joke, we're puppets! They think it's real! None of this is! And maybe that's the game, we just need to play it! Who's it gonna be, huh? What am I meant to do? How do I win today's game? I'm not gonna give these bastards a show, I want out!

obligatory "who do you think we're actually talking about here?" fourth wall-breaking segment. you should be able to piece it together here. ln!quackity doesn't want to be part of the show anymore - q!quackity and k!quackity run it now.

Section 5: Post-Monologue and Closing Thoughts

Oh my god, oh my god… Okay… I'm alive- I'm alive… I'm alive, I'm alive… What am I doing? What am I doing? Okay… I need to… I need to leave, I need to get out of here, I need to walk out, I need to walk out…

wait, ln!quackity is alive? he's not hurt? he's... alive? hm. that must've all been in his head. a near death experience, some divine intervention... maybe he does get a second shot! "i need to get out of here..." he wants to get out of the comfort zone, but... letting the ego out, where he's going to suffer? let ln!quackity, the character built on legacy, suffer in a place where he has nothing? the outside? where he wouldn't even dare to-

Slime: Looks like everything is running well. Yeah. Everything's going pretty… pretty great. Slime: You look so tired. I uh… yeah, yeah I uh, I am. Slime: I came back to see you one last time. I didn't like how we had to end. Yeah, no uh… I thought about it, no hard feelings and you know what… you were right actually, this time you taught me some valuable lessons. Slime: After I left, I learned a lot. More than I ever thought there was to know. From more people that I ever thought there were. That sounds great. Slime: I came here to say goodbye, Quackity. It felt… important. Where are you going? Are you going somewhere? Slime: I want to go see it, Quackity. Everything belong this land. I don't think I belong here anymore. Wow, yeah. You deserve it, wow… look at you. Traveling the world, I'm excited for you. Slime: I've learned all I can from this place, Quackity. I'm very excited to go. And maybe even now, someone or something can learn from me. Wow, well yeah. Stay uhm, stay safe man. And remember, don't trust too many people. Slime: Quackity, thank you for teaching me what it's like to be human. Yeah… thanks. Slime: Goodbye, Quackity from Las Nevadas.

he realizes the pain is what makes people alive. you can reconcile with it, you can embrace it, you can live with it. slime was confined to las nevadas for so long that he learned how to live. why can't ln!quackity? what makes slime different? ln!quackity has been immersed in nothing but pain and suffering... and k!quackity too! q!quackity! they are all fine, they can do amazing things, but... they have nothing. they lost it all, but why was ln!quackity the one that's stuck? why did he finally crack?

it's because they love. and slime, well, he loves the world. he loves learning, teaching about life. he has a passion, he wants to experience life. he wants to be free. ln!quackity never wanted to be free. he wanted a place to call his own. with slime leaving... he has las nevadas all to himself. everything he ever wanted, all the money in the world, yet he's alone. he was never loved, only used. it's just a hollow tomb. it was built as an homage to people he loved, but they never loved him. nor did he love himself. all it stands to be is just a reminder that ln!quackity will never be loved.

"you look... so tired." "yeah... i uh- i am."

he doesn't have to keep fighting. he doesn't have to keep relishing in pain. he's happy that slime is traveling the world, thanks to him. he took bits and pieces of ln!quackity - not everything - but just enough to keep his chin high. he is his own person, using the lessons that ln!quackity taught him. slime is ln!quackity's legacy. after the conversation with his other two selves, and with slime in the real world, he realized that in order for him to be at peace, he doesn't have to keep on hurting. the pain that he shared with slime, as the lessons he taught him, inspired slime to be his own person. the pain that ln!quackity went through is what made slime realize that he, too, is human. relishing in pain and not using that to keep going makes you a victim to your own surroundings. the pain becomes comfort, and you can never leave. it's nothing more than a tomb.

and thus, the final lines said are:

"quackity, thank you for teaching me what it's like to be human." "yeah... thanks"

slime taught him how to be human as well. and to be human is to not let pain consume you and to keep forward. make amends with it, keep it in your back pocket. those are memories, it's part of your legacy. but what the other quackities could do that ln!quackity couldn't, is remind themselves that they can be better.

q!quackity, though skittish in nature, is observant and uses his knowledge to get under ln!quackity's skin and finally make him snap and realize his emotions. q!quackity represents intellect, even if he is naïve at the same time.

k!quackity, just as smart as q!quackity, is a fighter. he is observant, but he doesn't use that as much to his advantage as he has strength to back him up. he is strong and he knows it, he can lead a revolution, he is strategical. less naïve than q!quackity, he's more cautious of the posing threat that ln!quackity is. q!quackity helps him as his first instinct, showing that the two work together in tandem naturally.

with both sides working together in harmony, where does ln!quackity come in? he represents arrogance, denial of his emotions, his bolstering ego... there is no room for that to grow as a person. he had to die. the room falls silent as he kills himself, no protests. and, q!quackity and k!quackity will make it out alive. they will be coming back. which shows that they do work together to get out. not by killing themselves, but allowing themselves the best parts of each other.

so, as a finale... what does this mean as a whole? i think, although alex really loves ln!quackity, i think this stream was meant to show his journey as a person. he has said he is very grateful for what he has and where he's gotten, and i think keeping yourself humble and counting your blessings is something that you have to grow into. when you're young, you do stupid mistakes. you're naïve, you trust too easily and people take advantage of that. at the end of the stream, ln!quackity says

"don't trust too many people"

as opposed to what he said earlier, talking about himself:

"you know what made all those fail? [...] trust! you can't trust people! they kill you!"

without letting people in, ln!quackity was his own demise. he never learned how to trust, how to love, and thus he could only die alone in the end. but, slime can. he will learn how to love, how to care for, and how to trust others. don't be naïve, but don't be alone, otherwise you will be your own demise in the end.

and thus, this stream was a way to show alex's journey as a person. he said that he was really counting his blessings and being thankful for everything in his life. he can't redo the past few years, but he can move forward with the lessons he learned. that's something he has been talking a lot about lately, and i think this was his own way of interpreting it through characters he loves so dearly. he had to kill off his pride to grow. moving on is the hardest part, and what's even harder is learning how to begin again after everything. but, at the end of the year and going into the next, he will face troubles. he will face challenges.

but he will grow and learn, as he is human, as we are human. we all feel pain, as well as love. we need to learn, we need to grow. and we cannot shy these away from each other - they need to balance each other out and work in unison, as they should.

[angy-grrr]

A thought about the leaks:

It makes more sense when you think about Izuku Midoriya as an unreliable narrator who wanted to talk about a hero story.

He doesnt want us, the audience, to know about the depth of his own feelings and emotions, because this is the story of how he and the rest of the class kept reaching out their hands to those in need of help.

Something that kind of surprised me when he talked to Ochako was how he would frame it almost like "you are my hero as you have reached out your hand to me multiple times since the beginning, and I want to also be a hero to you too, so I must help you with everyone else"; he wants to be a hero from the beginning to the end, and this act of kindness for Ochako and need to let out her emotions for Himiko is framed as heroic. This is him being a hero.

Who saves the heroes? Other heroes, instead of being alone. And anyone can be a hero. This is a story about it.

Izuku has no intentions of showing off his trauma, his loneliness, his pain, outside of what's heroic; he cant even talk about romantic feelings without going back to it.

It made me feel much better, to see it that way; its not that the whole story ends with what he said, he is literally skipping all he parts that wouldn't be part of a cool hero story.

He parallels AFO after all.

I think it makes sense considering how much different Ochako's feelings and thoughts are depending on who tells the story; when we have her POV while fighting Himiko everything is personal and emotional, but when she explains her feelings to Deku she doesnt even mention anything related to how much she wanted her in her life, besides the childhood friends comment, and even brings up the uses of her quirk. Its like she is comparing herself to Deku? Like if she noticed those things about quirks instead of focusing on the emotional aspect, then maybe she could have helped her sooner. And in the final chapter, when she is mentioned, its about her heroic work, not about how much they talked, or their hangouts, or anything like that.

Izuku skips the handhold, and I want to believe its bc it wouldnt make it for the hero story. He doesnt talk about what he felt when he sacrificed himself for the first time, but we saw his anger and his uncontrolled pain. He doesnt talk about how he forgives him, but we saw how much he always wanted him in his life. He doesnt talk about Katsuki dying. but we saw how someone else had to tell him they didnt lose anyone yet and he was getting help. Control your heart. Izuku hits his chest, black whip makes a heart, and he focuses in what he knows to do: heroics. He will save, and he will fight to save.

Another reason why he wouldnt bring back his own feelings when it comes to imitating Katsuki unconsciously even if he knows others would dislike it; he wants to be selfless hero Deku, and while he does admire Katsuki and cherish his company, he knows he himself wouldnt get a pass to be rude when he isnt as brilliant as him from his perspective.

And like any hero would, he wants his friends by his side, and forever to help others. That's what he wants to represent in his hero academia, another saving hero like his All Might.

(Also apparently Horikoshi and his team were especially pressured by Shonen Jump during these months and he admits he found it rushed, so once again the capitalistic corporation is the evil to defeat. This is just my own interpretation in universe)

[crow-ur-beloved]

various jrwi headcanons because the worms in my brain (potential autism) wont shut up. no real plot spoilers except for one, but its marked :]

the suckening:

shilo is like vampire immunocompromised, which added to the pile of reasons his mom used to keep him inside the castle because she didnt want him to immediately get 37 different diseases and Die. (if vampires can have allergies then id like to think they can also get sick. i dont actually know if thats possible in the vtm system but i dont care they can in my heart)

genderfuck/genderpunk afab emizel. i feel like thats the only label he'd use, if he had to have one. i dont think hed label his sexuality because he wants to be an enigma. but he Definitely likes men.

bizley said in the qna something that can Only let me think of shilo as aromantic. maybe aro And ace... i dont remember what he said exactly aughhgh i wish i did...

shilo fidgets with his hands like all the time. his mother and uncle tried to get him to stop and sit still because it wasnt very princely and whatnot but my boy needs a fidget toy. i think hed go craaaazy with an infinity cube

i feel like me saying arthur bennett is a bisexual doesnt even count as a headcanon like i think thats just a given. i feel like itd be more surprising if i said i thought he was straight. all beautiful beautiful vampire men have to be lgbtq. its the law actually

arthur never officially broke up with mary. mans just Left one day without warning. probably left a note that said "sorry. -arthur" on it. i doubt he had it in him to say goodbye to her face or his reasoning for it (he thought hed inevitably hurt her because of what he is and what he did to the people he loved in the past, because bad luck seems to follow him everywhere... oughh he makes me ill). he definitely used finding a new lead on anya somewhere else in the country as a good reason to dip. at least, as good a reason as it couldve been for him.

maybe controversial but i 100% think arthur and magnus had a one-night stand at the beginning of their relationship, before magnus met jerome, and they never talked about it again and pretend it never happened. cannot explain how real this is to me.

riptide:

ftm chip who 100% innately knew he was a dude since the moment he could think. like when the black rose pirates picked him up, he got confused when they started referring to him as a girl at first. probably never got The Talk from them, so was Very confused when he hit puberty. Reuben reluctantly helped him steal to pay for top surgery.

since tritons live at the bottom of the ocean, they would have eyes that are far more sensitive to light to allow them to see better since little light gets all the way down there. gillion was Immediately blinded by the sun when he surfaced and still gets headaches from how bright it is in the oversea, but they've gotten better the longer he's been up there. tritons are built to adapt to all kinds of conditions, so his eyes have slowly been getting a darker bluish-purple the longer he spends above the ocean; they were originally more of a light blue-grey.

in tandem with the last one, chip thinks hes either going crazy or a bad friend because he Swears gill's eyecolor is different than last week but how could that be possible, thats not just something he can do, right? why would he be able to do that???

if gillion gets knocked onto his back without warning he does that thing that sharks do where they get paralyzed for a bit when they get flipped upside down. its scary because he can see everything but cant do anything. he also definitely forgot to tell chip and jay about this fact and scared the Shit out of them the first time it happened around them.

gillion can also change his sex like some fish can. its the reason he can lay eggs. i think this makes it safe to say genderfluid/nonbinary/generally trans gillion tidestrider is highly possible and even probable in this headcanon. what im saying is t4t fish n chips.

not to headcanon all my favs as trans but i cant help it. it is the highest honor i can bestow upon them. anyways. mtf jay ferin. ava always knew and was the first person jay came out to. jay was also 100% named jayson after her father and went by jay most of her life anyway as a nickname and just decided to stick with it instead of picking anything else. may was always very openly-supportive of her. jayson was as supportive as a generally strict, overbearing, unsupportive-in-everything father can be. jay totally came out to him and the first thing he said to her was something like, "as long as it doesnt interfere with your navy training," and may promptly kicked him under the table and made him say something nice.

kiras trans too btw. she came out before jay and helped jay discover she was trans. and that she liked women.

(spoilers for 109 and beyond) chip can't entirely remember what he looks like. everytime he focuses on the illusion of hiding that hes practically just a skeleton now, it changes just a bit. freckles in the wrong places, the wrong shade of orange for his flame tattoos, too much light in his eyes, too much muscle on his arms. jay notices it but cant bring herself to say anything. she knows the illusion is meant to keep everyone from worrying, but, everytime she sees something off about it, she just remembers what he really looks like underneath, and that somehow feels worse.

blood in the bayou:

all these bitches gay as hell. kian is pan. rands got a lot of internalized homophobia. rolan probably too. its the 80s, man.

apotheosis (haven't finished it yet so idk how true these'll be lol):

agender rumi. godbless.

also rumis a theater kid. he got the lead in every musical he auditioned for because he could literally just shapeshift. theyd make up a new identity and appearance for every role and get to know everyone on the cast and then mysteriously drop off the face of the planet as that person when the production was over and nobody would know it was them.

peter has actually tried All Kinds of things. weed. yoga. multilevel marketing schemes. you name it, big chance hes done it at least once and didnt like it. he doesnt know how he ends up in the situations to try it, either.

[capnkirk17]

STUPID DUMB GAY SUPERHERO AU

okay, its actually called the SOS/save our souls AU but i wanted your attention

the lore is awesome. trust me.

the king of hell (satan duh) has been sending demon recruits to manipulate and enter peoples dreams. the only reason hes doing this is to cause chaos. he calls it, the "ultimate sin". in this case it happened to pete (and has been happening all over the world)

in the dream he has, the demon recruit requests to make a deal with him. him and his friends souls, for "infinite power". and of course he takes it, thinking its just a stupid lucid dream and that this was just a part of it. maybe hed fly around for a while in the dream and then wake up later back to his normal life, but he couldnt be more wrong. after selling his (and the clubs) souls, they were given what was promised. but pete was additionally given a job. he's essentially just a grim reaper, his power being rotting peoples body from the inside (gnarly yuck ew). when pete realizes he really has these powers and the dream was the real deal, he immediately asks the club if theyve been feeling strange or having weird things happen. when they all say yes, he explains and they go basically insane,????? theyre all excited as hell but of course, terrified BECAUSE THEIR FUCKING SOULS ARE THE PROPERTY OF SATAN HIMSELF so yeah that kinda sucks major DICK. eventually they realize this has been happening to other people around the world of course. and villians begin popping up, as expected. bill obviously pops the idea of becoming superheroes, just like in the comics they all love so much. but of course he (and the club, but him mostly,) highly underestimates how tough it would be. the only way they can get their souls back is by doing enough of satans bidding. but by then, their souls would only be rotten once they finally complete their eternal "job". they dont know what they should do. after a very short while, the fighting wears them down, making them want to quit. they dont want to use their powers, they dont want to fight crime anymore. but they know they have to. it turns out that not a lot of people who agree to the Deals turn out to be very good or morally charged... so there arent very many heroes. jerry and josh are the first to suggest continuing fighting for as long as they have to. to josh, it seemed cool. to jerry, it was the right thing to do. all of this super-power bullshit has broken them out of their garbage incel shells, at least for the most part. bill is yet to escape his, though. he's highly hostile, and doesn't care how many innocents he has to hurt to kill the enemy/enemies. he acts like its just part of the job, even though he knows it doesnt have to be. for the most part, if not every time, his killings are accidents. he tells himself its only part of the job to soothe the guilt. of course, he'd never tell anyone about this though.

pete is expected to kill as many people as possible, these expectations obviously being given to him by his annoying, hellish boss. he doesnt really.. listen.. though?? in fact he USUALLY tries to save people. or.. moreso just... avoid killing them when aiming his literal fucking death rays.

josh is very shitty at controlling his power. in his first few fights, he's flamed at least 100 people to DEATH with his hands. he's crushed a few walls, too. one of his powers is fat/muscle conversion, where, obviously, his body fat converts to muscle. and he. he is a fat fuck. so you can tell this power turns out well for him... sort of. i may or may not have stolen this from allmight, but when activating his muscle power, it harms him a little bit. like holding in your own body. it fucks with his organs a little. his hellish flame power came with a nice set of horns that retract when he de-activates it. although, his horns sort of go through his head??? like... from the inside of his cranium. growing THROUGH the front part of his brain, but not enough so to kill him. he just gets real stupid. de-activating his muscle power regenerates him though, so he's normal for the most part once he goes back to being a "normal teenager".

now.. jerry. jerry is a little worried about how powerful he and his friends have become, and how much they could destroy if they tried. with their combination of powers, they could do whatever they want, really. he doesn't like that. he doesn't like the responsibility. he doesn't like having to remind his friends that this is real life and not a game. although, he definitely isn't perfect here. he's ruined homes and killed people just like the rest of the club. all of them have done terrible things, whether or not they were accidental. he feels guilty just like the rest of them, but he's quicker to admit it. they play it cool, or.. as cool as they can get. which.. isnt very.

hiding their identities is pretty easy. jerry buys fabrics and latex shit from michaels (the store..) and makes/repairs their costumes. he layers them VERY well with tough material to make sure they dont...rip off. yuck, nobody wants to see that. sure, maybe if they were adults and werent ugly as shit, but... you know.

their powers have mostly been explained, so i have no need for extra explanation. most of their powers are generic, other than pete and joshes.

i was gonna call petes grim reaper power "necromania" because i thought it sounded cool. then i googled it to make sure it wasnt bad. very glad i made sure. jesus christ. he probably has that too though. unfortunately.

jerry uses his telekinesis to build and craft things for them. and if he cant craft it, he just finds a place to steal it. telekinesis makes it easy, you know.

with the help of the others, he actually built a "headquarters". very fun and stupid. but sort of needed. no more normal club meetings for them.

most of them wish they could go back to their incel lives, but we know how they wouldve ended up if they stayed normal. maybe getting a different ending will be a benefit of gaining powers instead of something to dread.

and um. Yes. i will be including my self insert for fun. Shut up

[transmascanakin]

Varmibros AU explained.!

(aka the au where Chris Varmitech is a detective whos hired by Martin to solve the case of his missing brother)

The whole thing begins with the Varmitech family, who have been villains for generations and generations. The family is cultishly obsessed with villainy and anyone who doesnt follow the tradition is pushed out of the family, who will later seek revenge on the outcast, and this is how the kidnapping of Chris happened. Generations ago the Kratt family were also Varmitechs, until someone broke out of the cycle, broke contact with the family, changed their name and lived a normal life which of course angered the Varmitechs to no end. The responsibilty of taking revenge on the Kratts fell on Zachs mom, Ivette Varmitech, who decided to take the family's youngest son and raise him as their own to set their bloodline back on the track of villiany.

(i am honestly not a huge fan of this part of the plot idk the kratts and varmitechs being related is so weird but I dont really have a better reason for why theyd take Chris so! This remains for now)

From the Kratts point of view Chris just goes missing mysteriously and no search party or investigator can turn him up. His case goes cold too fast and it really strains their small family. Martin, who was really close with his little brother is forced to grow up alone, being left with the lingering feeling of emptiness (wow thats really deep. !!)

Meanwhile Chris is hidden from public eye until around his teen years, with the excuse of his unstable mental state (which is actually kinda true cause like. Taking a 3 year from his family is traumatic even if you brainwash him into thinking those memories arent real) and at around the age of 17 he starts to join Zach on smaller villain missions but these are just some easier robberies. Hes actually fairly good at stealing and being stealthy but when Zach invented some more serious stuff and began using animals to power his inventions it disgusted him, and he grew even more distant with Zach, and also started putting less effort into anything he had to do as a villain, especially after he had to take a more aggressive role, fighting off and distracting anyone who tries to stop Zach (this is when he starts using the Zach-bot looking costume that hides his identity. The vest also gives him 2 robotic arms) and this is how he gets to know the tortuga crew, who are extremely similar to their canon versions, with the absence of Chris of course. (The crew knows Zach has a brother but dont know that hes behind the mask of his right hand-man who they nicknamed the crawler)

Anyways, unlike Zach, Chris' main focus is not the villain business. He became a detective, as this is like the only thing his parents let him do that he actually loves. But one day, he gets a strange call. Martin Kratt, one of his brother's biggest enemies, a man that he himself had to face many times in his villain disguise, wants Chris to take on the case of his missing brother. Hes immediately suspicious, thinking its just a coverup and Martin actually wants to get some information about Zach or something, but after meeting up with Martin he realises hes very serious about wanting to hire him to do the investigation. He looks at the unsolved case of Chris Kratt, a 3 year old who went missing without barely any trace almost 20 years ago, and despite knowing that he probably wont be able to turn up anything new for Martin, whos convinced that against all odds his brother is still alive, Chris decides to take the case.

Martin is quick to help Chris in the investigation, and he is surprised to discover that the detective is the opposite of Zach in a lot of ways. Unlike his brother, Chris seems to love animals and has a respectable knowledge about them, and just like Martin, he also has his experience with complicated familial relationships, and the two of them grow close while digging themselves deep into the investigation. (And yeah maybe Chris reminds him of his brother, maybe he just wants to protect Chris from his dubious brother and parents, or maybe he feels connected to him in a way he cant name)

Meanwhile Chris faces the internal struggle of wanting to stay friends with Martin, but also knowing that hes secretly the villain who Martin has to fight every now and then, and he feels extremely guilty for decieving him, but hes too scared to tell him because of his major abandonment issues, but he also cant stop being a villain due to the pressure his family puts on him. So now he has to miraculously solve the case of Martins brother, while he actively tries to keep his identity a secret, and tries to avoid Zach, whos always happy to remind him that no matter how morally superior Chris feels hes still lying to the tortuga crew and that he better stop this little game of his before their parents find out, or before the crew discover his identity...

(If anyone has any questions for the au feel free to drop them in my ask box .!!)

[melonteee]

ok im anon about nami. firstly, im actually really sorry for spoiling you. i did not know about how you only read them while streaming them and i only saw streaming posts about anime episodes. it was not my intention, im sorry!! secondly, i understand everyone's arguments about similar instances pre-timeskips, nami opening up more and who wouldn't be scared of bugs, etc. i didnt mean to make it sound rude esp about sakura, it was just an emotional response bc i love nami sm. yes girls can be silly but its just one of those "vibes/feelings" grievances that when put to words doesnt make sense. yes nami previously ran away scared just like now but its just the way she does it now since timeskip feels so weird? like it felt almost comically stereotypical the way her face was and her being on the floor like that? i cant explain it well, yes nami would cry and run but the way she would is so different. "waah save me" doesnt feel like nami even an opened up one. and its not about a woman not being able to be scared, im not asking her to solo giant bugs. this is just one instance, ive felt weird about her post-timeskip, she feels more hollow. i want more genius navigation nami, in general, than "weak person of the group that always needs help" nami which is why i loved that scene in fishman island of her being complimented. i think this is more of a agree to disagree cause i cant shake the feeling. anyways sorry to everyone again!

sorry anon I didn't mean to be rude I was just frustrated since I quite publicly read the officials when they come out (livestreams and such) but yes I'd say it's an agree to disagree situation.

As someone who read through/watched all of One Piece in the span of 3 months (with no nostalgia for the original ig) I didn't notice a decline in Nami's character at all - all it feels like is she's just gotten more comfortable with the Strawhats. I seem to be one of the rare few who likes her ts version more than her pre-ts version and it's because, as I've said, she feels happier and more comfortable with her crew WHILE still navigating the seas AND being the witch that she is - as we saw with her laughtale discovery and her navigation at the beginning of Egghead.

I think it's a shame to think a character developing into a warmer person through the love they're receiving means they've become lesser of a character, while I'm not saying you do that anon, this exact same thing happens to Robin in the ts as well. Design aside (and yes I totally understand that issue) Robin's ts character is a lot softer and a lot sweeter because she's HAPPIER! Watching/reading One Piece from start to finish all in one go is how you can truly feel the joy in these character's hearts becoming something more imo

[alicentsgf]

hi, i might just be a touch too young have other things keeping me from getting this - but i've never really understood how the baby becoming a sacrifice (despite already being a stillborn; like ive always seen what happened as best case for the baby so it just really confuses me) is on the same like level as what she had to do to javi. you just explain shaunas brain really well and i was curious if you would be able to go into that / explain it a little ?

yeah of course! i mean i can only say how i interpret it and i think its impossible to really quantify trauma but for shauna losing her child and everything that came with it was the most deeply traumatic experience she endured imo, especially with how closely connected it was to jackies fate. javi's death and shaunas role in it was more the straw that broke the camels back, in terms of changing her irrevocably.

having witnessed someone close to me experience it, its hard to describe how deeply traumatic losing a child is, even one you never really knew or wanted to begin with. just the act of holding a dead baby is an impossibly awful experience, and shauna did it for days. and im sure if she'd dared to think about it she would have known logically how bad the chances were for the baby, but that wouldnt have stopped her hoping. even when you actually know someones going to die, the loss doesnt truly hit you until afterwards. and then you have to consider all the additional stress as well. she had everyone piling their hopes on her, excited for the baby, assuming it would change things for the better. it must have felt like such a huge burden. this child is the result of a decision that led to her best friends death. led to shauna eating her to stay alive. if the baby dies... what the hell was that all for. what does she have left to show for it. not to mention she had lottie growing strangely attached, making shauna fear what she had planned. we see this represented in shaunas nightmare, where lottie inserts herself to the extent of breastfeeding. then shauna sees her friends covered in her childs blood - they'd ripped him apart and consumed him, and maybe that was what she'd feared all along, except not so literally; that her child would never truly be hers, because this strange hierarchy might give someone like lottie the power to rip him away. its a lot to process, as if a traumatic stillbirth without pain relief at 18 isnt enough to be getting on with.

and in the end that nightmare shauna had does kinda comes true. because lottie does steal her baby, and the others do consume him. they're cannibalising his memory, cannibalising shaunas grief. hes not a person, hes not hers, hes some kind of totem or diety for a religion shauna doesnt believe in. she cant even go to his grave and grieve peacefully, hes public property and so is she by association. its why akilah's headdress pissed her off so much, because yet again what she wants or needs isnt considered, when really in this scenario they should all be deferring to her. she doesnt even have anyone to lean on in her grief because to the others her son isnt a baby who would grown up to be someone someday, hes just a sacrifice. worst of all shes told he had to be sacrificed to keep HER alive. nobody even thinks about how guilty this must make shauna feel. how heartbreaking it must be to be told 'your child needed to die for you to live because we need you more'. its a callous, selfish thing to express, even if they didnt mean any harm by it and even if it makes logical sense. shauna doesnt believe in the wilderness, but she knows the others at least believe they chose for her. whether their ritual worked or not, it was not their place to do that. she didnt want to die, but any decision made should have been hers alone. so now it feels like shes surrounded every day by people who see her like a tool to be used. shes necessary, they needed her, so her baby had to die.

ultimately this means that in the end shaunas trauma isnt just centered on the event itself - the pain and loss of a stillbirth, but all the other circumstances surrounding it that make shaunas experience so desperately isolating and painful. trauma doesnt just happen in moments, and for shauna this is an ongoing traumatic experience thats lasted at least a year at this point, since the moment she realised she was pregnant. and its happening on top of the already extremely traumatic circumstances they're all enduring.

so whilst the night she butchered javi is of course deeply traumatic, its more of a transformative garnish on top of the mountain of other stuff shauna was already experiencing. i think its more that something clicked in her brain that night, carving him up, exposing herself to something so deeply harrowing, and then not getting chosen to lead. she feels that shes not respected, shes just a means to an end. that they all see the knife in her hand, even when shes not holding it. its why they needed her alive, and not her child. and so in feeling that fuel a rage in her, she became compelled to find some type of power in the role she has. and when all you have is a knife, theres really only one way to grasp at power.

[bfdiredux]

hello!!!

so im, like, a massive pinthusiast., over here.,. been studying her as a character for about three years.,..... wanted to come to you to see if you could do something for pin!!!

but FIRST. please. let me yap. about her storyline in canon. because i feel its very misunderstood (especially from oscyt babies pee-yew...,......) and i want you to see how she would work in your bfdi redux with the way i explain her character!! and how you want to add to it!!!

okay. are we ready. okay

pin beefydie-yay.,.,..,..,..

pin's bfdia trauma begins from pre-revival bfdia. it can be analyzed in heavy reference to pin's tpot 2 rant, connecting her discomfort with the tpot 2 conundrum with her experience in (pre-revival) bfdia. from what we had back then, i found out that pin values what is right and clear, and what benefits her teammates as people rather than as contestants. this is still a crucial part of her not only as a leader, but a character herself.

as bfdia slowly progresses, there is an actively growing discomfort specific to pin that she goes through even before her trauma even grows physical. pin feels different and left out from the crowd. the sudden change in team formats, rules, and quite literally her entire world was not so easy for her to adapt to, showing why she was so different from the rest of the cast (as you can see when everyone corners and pressures her literally in the very first episode (this is not the first time everyone bullies her for no reason (autism allego-))). even, the like 2818372819272819 years she spent in the tlc box forcing her to realize that nobody liked her b/c she was a meanie and had zero friends made her deduce that she desperately needed to make some.,.., with zero guidance how if she wanted to fulfill her old dream of becoming a leader in the tlc (we dont talk about this fallen dream now 😿).

the realization that this new world punishes those who are different and benefits those who can fit in well kind of fills her with anxiety. she's just trying and hoping for the best...........

pin also seems to retain a "right-and-wrong" approach that she lives by in early bfdia in order to cope with the discomfort of the new, changed environment she couldnt adapt to so well that is bfdia season 👍 yeah!!! what happened to her in bfdia 5 kind of jumbles this up for her dumb little head which makes it worse

okay now for the horrifying!!! the facing faceless!!!

from a surface-level standpoint the concept of it is pretty scary, being paralyzed, blind, muted, can only (eerily) feel people and hear them call you horrible things without reprimand. but also from a psychological standpoint, and a pin-specific view, its much worserreerrmmmm........

the main way that pin was psychologically (interpret the use of the word "psychologically" as "non-physical" if you need more clarity) tortured so much was because everyone else hated how she expressed herself differently from everyone else. by removing her face (for speaking up in bfdia 10 on the fact that everyone who she thought was going to stay her friend in woah bunch left her for a reason that wouldnt benefit them as people,) they stitched her face in so she "smiles" the way everyone else smiles, doesnt speak up the way nobody else speaks up on issues because apparently nothing she has a problem with, or anything she says at all at this point of bfdia (key point because she gets worse so it changes in later episodes) matter.......... hashtag autism allegory in bfdi!1!1!1 oh my pin facto

its clear how small and insignificant (exact opposite of her dream of being a leader if you think about it woah) they turned her just because she was being herself, now she can do nothing but quote-unquote "conform." very very very scary 0/10 would not recommend to a girl :[

and then the coming back. but not quite as herself. obviously she is acting different when she returns in beefydie yay 14

her body, what she used to express herself, was practially completely gone, leaving essentially just a spirit to be trapped underground. (my basis for her being trapped underground was that coiny had to dig below the earth to find her. its like her mind was like a demon and she was in hell, or like she was buried alive in a coffin that wouldnt let her body move i dont know i like symbolism a lot can you tell) whats left of her now is like a lovesick monster creature made of pure rage and agony ye yeah woo

same mind/rage thats trapped underground through feceless-limbless-even-sizeless pin's "body." i like to think that pin having her meltdown snap in beefydie yay 14 adds up everything from all the previous stages of her bfdia trauma, all as mentioned before, the adherence to rules, the feeling isolated, all of the pain adds up to this moment which is why i see her crash out as like her rage/mind like. coming out of her. that mind demon is finally breaking out there and free (can you also tell that this episode did pretty wild things to my brain juices.)

and then. as we know pin getting her "revenge" wasnt enough. she wants something else, something that matters more. before you say she just wants to win bfdia now you have to consider that, once again, pin cares much more about the people and the environment and everything than the competition, what would benefit her friends as people rather than contestants. problem is. she believes she doesnt have any friends. everyone hates her and she knows it (as clearly admitted when she got shrunken into oblivion in bfdia 15). and i will mention coiny later erm. bear with me. anywho.

basically, after bfdia 14 (and reinforced in bfdia 18), pin is so emotionally fucked up that she now craves the feeling of being a nuisance who really deserves all the agony ‼️ its a way of looking at pin's horrific crashes. bfdia pin had been nullified and bullied so much that she doesnt care anymore for what they believe; they deserve to suffer regardless if theyre contestants or people because they hurt her badly.

whats more, isnt anxiety, like, the fear of expressing yourself? in bfdia 18, she's so fucked up and tired of the pain she's constantly in that it seemed that the only way to relieve herself of that secret burning anxiety inside of her that nobody wanted to acknowledge was.,.,. to make a huge show out of her anger and pain. thats pretty much why she did what she did in bfdia 18. she let coiny fall to show him that she was in pain, that she was angry about the fact that when she was faceless and the most weak and vulnerable she had ever been, and in the most dire need of help, he

instead called her useless. (word for word. bfdia 12 quoting.) she killed everyone because she was mad at well...., everyone for ostracizing and alienating her for being herself. (she's not only mad at freesmart. please get this. its not only freesmart's fault why would the entirety of woah bunch willingly leave her then. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) the point (hehe) is that to her it seems that since she's apparently horrible and unlovable by default, the only way to relieve herself of the pain of those facts is by just to embrace it and to stop trying to escape these facts. (pin i love you i promise you aren't as disgusting and hideous as people say i promise you theyre all wrong.)

this is where bfdia 19-20 leads in. she isnt an asshole just to be an asshole, its very painfully obvious that this isnt like her, like, at all. she's making the active choice to act like an asshole, she isnt inherently an meanie. so why does she act mean, then? shes clearly pushing everyone away. and i really think that when coiny said to her, "would i ever lie to you?," and pin replied, "yes, but whatever," im sure she means that he lies to her about ever actually loving her, explaining why she pushes him away. explaining why she pushes everyone away, why she repels away book, coiny, everyone, she cant trust anyone anymore because she's sure theyre all out to get her, and she's not that naive, clueless little girl anymore to let them ever torture and betray her trust again. (can we talk about how ironic her ordeal with book is. she's the most terrified of book out of anyone, yet through dramatic irony we all know that book has canonically harmed her the least. pin. pinny pin pin. are you 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 stupid)

its really tragic, the whole thing. and to rub salt in the wound, coiny, like, he never actually did anything wrong or evil, he hurt her unintentionally, by, get this.... being too fucking stupid. by being too dumb and party-rocker to fully grasp the horrific pain that pin was going through, he hurt her by not being properly there for her when she needed him. and sure, he did do his very best to help her in bfdia 13, but remember he called her useless and never understood her pain beyond the bare minimum physical stuff. (another instance of pin also being fucking stupid. he's not out to get you, pin girlie. he's just dumb. i love you pin. i get that you're going through it but forgive the man for being dumb HE DOESNT KNOW THAT YOURE NOT ACTING ASSHOL-ISH JUST TO BE AN ASSHOLE)

bleh. thank you for coming to my pin ted talk. ped talk. i need to spread propaganda (/nsrs) and i hope we all learned somethign today. and im sorry if it was too much.

but hi bfdiredux. what do you think of pin from this standpoint. can you make anything out of this. thank thank thank you and have a nice day

HOLY MOTHER OF TEXT WALLS I DIDNT EXPEVT TO OPEN MY INBOX TO THIS BEAUTIFUL CHARACTER ANALYSIS. THANK YOU PINTHUSIAST!!

The current plans for Pin.

I don't have much I want to add on your interpretation of canon Pin!! It's perfect.

I can definitely snag a lot of inspiration from this analysis to fuel Redux!Pin.

CONFORMING!!! Other contestants want her to but part of Pin's story in the Redux is not conforming. She gets her pigment removed in IDFB to start fresh, gets her pigment red again for BFB, partly out of fear of BFDIA repeating itself, and then says fuck it in TPOT and lets herself BE herself. Enby transmasc icon right there.

Thinking everyone is out to get her matches what's been set up well! Woah Bunch dipping, FreeSmart hard targeting her, and unfortunate scene after unfortunate scene... Good fuel!! Getting bullied and pushed around just for being herself,,, yeAH that's going to accumulate.

Neurodivergent Pin... mmmmmmmmmmyES. I will make everyone in this rewrite neurodivergent just watch me /silly

The scene in TPOT where Pin gives Tree her gratitude token before she's eliminated. I know the two of them start to bond in TPOT 12 but I like the idea of them bonding earlier.

Like,,, Pin cares DEEPLY about her token collection. IT IS A HYPERFOCUS!!! You gotta be 🤏 this close with her to get her to give one to you. SO in BFDIA when she loses her autonamy? She sees Tree experiencing the same thing in early TPOT (getting revived in the lake) and spends a lot of her free time with him so he doesn't feel lonely.

FRIENDSHIP!!!

Alaso hello smal5504,, welcome to the redux!!! Enjoy your stay ≽^-⩊-^≼ (I am eating your art)

[rouge-fauna]

In this discduo timeline pastebin i read, you can see tommy did care about dream for a very long time even while his friends were trying to convince him that dream was bad, he continued to praise dream and had plans to meet him irl. It wasnt until june july 2023 when tommy started believing the lies his friends and fans kept telling him and thays when he banned the words dream and discduo in his chat and said that he didnt wanna go all the way to florida. I think he genuinly thinks dream wronged him based on his body language in the podcast and how he dissocoates, like tommy now percieves all his past positive interactions with dream as a negative and jack, harry, and tommys fanbase fed into that, but he also is lying about dream with other things. And i mean he could be faking that body language to garner sympathy Im not entirely sure. Im just looking at the nuance here. He knows dream or at least he did. He used to check up on him all the time and he knew how bad dreams mental health was, but he still lies and claims dreams apathetic and thinks dream cant take accountability and thinks dream doesnt care about him when dream has always cared. I can send you that pastebin if u want, u can see the decline in where tommy starts turning against dream its aroundn the time where he and harry got closer. But before that, he saw dream as this brilliant helpful guy and referred to him as a friend, even in the past referred to him as closer than a brother. He cared for dream at some point for a long time, then ditched him and betrayed him. Also dream refers to tommy as emotional, and i can see how someone so sensitive can interpret a long dm as an attack, and apparently he did explain his issue to dream before but it never got resolved or tommys lying about that too. I dont doubt that he is doing a lot of this to get attention, but i do think some feelings could be genuine despite it logically not adding up. I can see how someone could interpret dreams dms in a stressful way. But the fact tommy even gave a shit about dream in the past to begin with makes this worse, because the way i see it, if someone close to me turned on me i would be a lot more hurt by that than if someone i was only colleagues with turned on me.

Was gonna chrck back on their past interactions to see if i can spot anything shady on tommys part if yk what i mean even if this is gonna make me sad. One of my co workers offered to do a watchparty💀

(I should preface this by saying I have not yet watched the podcast, because at the moment I’m little too triggered to even give a shit about what Tommy has to say to be honest. I don’t really see what defense or reasoning you could possibly have for calling anyone, nonetheless your past friend a “proper movie villain” while accusing him of things that aren’t true, knowing the consequences. I mean I just don’t think people have really let that fact truly sink he, Tommy publicly compared Dream to Darth Vader, Bane, The Joker, Voldemort…etc mass murderers. Just think about that for a second. That’s not okay. People are out there comparing him to Hitler and talking about brutal ways to kill him, a go fund me to kill Dream has started. I don’t think there is a damn thing Tommy can say Dream did to excuse that shit, he will get no sympathy from me. Even if Dream physically abused him, which ain’t true since they’ve never met, Dream still shouldn’t be compared to freaking Hannibal.)

Even so, as I have said in some of my past posts on the matter, I do think perhaps Tommy was hurt by something that happened with Dream in the past and in retrospect realized perhaps things weren’t as good as he thought. Which happens, sometimes we look back on things and are like - hey wait a minute that wasn’t okay and that hurt. But that doesn’t make that person a shit person.

The example I believe I previously talked about was my first kiss, but to give another example, a guy I was good friends with freshman year of college was very handsy and I didn’t really realize in the moment how I felt about it or that he was pushing boundaries he shouldn’t. At first I didn’t think much of it. I was naive and autistic and didn’t really know better, and he was too. He didn’t have sisters, hell he thought woman were always making milk lol. In other words, we were both dumb. And looking back he did a lot of things that really were not okay, but once I came to realize and set boundaries he respected them. In fact, we are still kinda friends today, we’re even roomates for a bit after I graduate back in 2023. So, suffice to say, sometimes people can do shitty things or even things that you realize later were not okay, or even things that traumatize you, but that doesn’t make that person shitty. Especially if you didn’t call it out in the moment. This is what I mean by giving Dream the benefit of the doubt, sure I could perceive my friend as manipulative and taking advantage of naivety or whatever, or I recognize that he really just doesn’t know better. Now when you tell someone to stop and then they continue (depending on what it is because ya know old habits die hard or like my adhd is gonna try my hardest but I will inevitably skews up pronouns - just like I screw up everyone’s pronouns) now you’ve entered into the malicious and intentional area.

Bringing it back to Dream, Tommy was upset and told him to stop texting his mother, so Dream apologized to both and stopped. It becomes harassment and malicious if Dream continued over and over to do it, but he didn’t. This is why Dream is frustrated because he doesn’t know what behavior is upsetting people, and in his heart that’s not what he wants to do, but if people don’t tell him how is he meant to improve. At the end of the day, he doesn’t want to offend anyone or hurt someone, that doesn’t mean he hasn’t done so though as these things happen, nobody is perfect.

So I think maybe Tommy was hurt, maybe it was in retrospect looking back, maybe it was friends pointing things out and were like - hey that’s fucked up that happened. Maybe some of that hurt is genuine. And maybe you could make the case that that hurt has spurred him to take revenge and ruin Dream in whatever way it takes. So the jokes and lies are just part of his lashing out because he feels wronged.

However, there is also a case to be made that given Tommy’s history as pointed out by Dream with Logan Paul, maybe it was all an act. Maybe he was using Dream from the start and Dream being the naive, good hearted, autistic guy made an easy target. Maybe he only pretended to be good friends, sure Dream doesn’t have anything to gain from being Tommy’s friend but that doesn’t go both ways. Tommy has a lot to gain from being Dream’s friend, but as the tides turned he had a lot to lose by being Dream’s friend and it was easier to switch sides not that there was no incentive, as Dream pointed out as the USMP fell through so did Tommy switch sides. Once he couldn’t gain clout for being on Dream’s side but being against Dream, he switches. Because a lot of his audience has always been against Dream, struggling to tell the difference between character and person and as is human nature, instinctively hating an autistic person. That has been the case for ages, Tommy could have given into his audience for ages but even during the allegations height he still did that dsmp finale and posted that picture on Twitter (which he got a lot of hate for)…

All I’m saying, is even the people who have wronged me, even the person who pushed me to almost kill myself, I wouldn’t wish death or harassment upon them. I wouldn’t do the shit Tommy has pulled, because there was a time when we were friends. There were times when they were good to me. And maybe that makes me an exception to the rule, that people would be so cruel to the people they once called friends, but I couldn’t and that’s what makes me question Tommy’s sincerity and capacity for empathy…

Though perhaps both can be true.

[oli-ribbun-ver]

EP 4 RAMBLE PART 3 FINAL!!

(ft the other episodes! but mainly ep 4!)

okay actually i think this is more of a gangle ramble now but thats fine

part 1

part 2

CONTINUATION OF THE GANGLE PEOPLE-PLEASER PART OF THE RAMBLE FROM PART 2!

lets see... where did i leave off... RIGHT!!

There are a lot of parts in ALL episodes where she doesn't want to cause problems for people. Which is typically normal for everyone, HOWEVER. Her idea of 'causing problems' is her opening up to people about how she truly feels, or even voicing her feelings in general if they're about someone.

I've already gone over the Pomni conversation and the bit where she has a mini breakdown, and I said I'd include even more of the other episodes in this, so! Let's begin at Ep 1!

Let's talk about what I've observed in episode one.

YES THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Notice how it's emphasized she says it quietly? (I know it's for comedic effect, but EVERYTHING seems to be important for every character, like how the darkness from the bucket on Kinger's head in Ep 2 helped him remember something about Ragatha before immediately forgetting it and then the reason he only remembers things in the darkness is explained! Seems like a minor detail that means nothing, turns out to be HUGE.

She doesn't want to cause a problem. In this case, the 'problem' would be her fully interrupting the conversation because she's worried about her friend. In the mind of a people pleaser, even if it helps someone out, you feel a sense of pressure on you when mentioning someone needs help to others, because "What if I cause a problem or make them mad? I don't wanna do that!", those thoughts are pretty normal, ESPECIALLY for people-pleasers.

"Wait, what about Zooble?" Is said so quietly, you can barely hear it. She either doesn't want her voice to be heard, or she DOES but is too scared to say it more loudly because of some version of the thoughts I described.

not as important but I'd like to note how she literally says NOTHING. like. nothing. i just think its kinda funny but also she just. doesnt give her opinion at all? she wasnt even asked if she wanted to go with them to check on kaufmo they just dgaf about her 😭

ANYWAY

This is the only time she gives her opinion and its not even an opinion HELP

Also I'm trying to save space so I don't have to make a part 4 so shortly into this, since I know I'll have to make one anyway, but I wanna mention how she hides behind her broken mask to protect herself after he screams which kinda hits different now that we know more about her mask.

But anyway, I'll make a seperate little portion of this ramble for that!

I'd like to mention too, anytime she is shoved, has something mean said to her, or has her comedy mask broken, she doesn't complain or say anything about it except for maybe an "ow". I find that interesting, because I think the reason for this is that she doesn't want anyone worrying about her. AKA, she doesn't want to cause a 'problem'.

She wants to please. One does not please by being a 'problem', right? That's probably how she thinks, anyway.

When Jax tells her to do something she doesn't want to do, whether he pressured her like that or not, it wouldn't have made a difference, because she can't bring herself to say 'no.'

In my opinion, from what it sounds like when she says "I don't think we—" she probably would've ended up saying yes regardless. Hell, if he'd just followed it up with "do it," I don't see a world in which she wouldn't, although she'd probably be more hesitant.

also why does his back bend like that he looks like hes gonna become an old man any second now HELP 😭

Also, when Jax threatens her by saying "Do it, or I'll tell Ragatha about the figurine thing," I think that really does something to her.

Every time she's either built up the confidence to say no, or someone has tried to help her say no, she's kicked down in one way or another INSTANTLY.

Episode 4 did not help with that. I believe in the next few episodes, she will not be better about saying no. She might even be worse off, knowing Ragatha thinks her being happy is annoying.

People-pleasers are in different worlds. Being the type of people-pleaser Gangle is, it's an entirely different world from others. It carries a lot of what I can only describe as delusion to it.

If Pomni had not stepped up when Gangle thought she was alone after work hours, Gangle would have abstracted. I am a firm believer in that. She was breaking. Losing her mind.

Gangle tells herself to stop trying to achieve her dream while breaking down over the fact her efforts to achieve her dream might not be enough.

So let's go there, and get a

Closer look at Gangle's mental state.

(and why she's most likely the most unwell character)

Gangle is mentally ill. Everyone knows that already, but to what extent?

I'm not sure if we'll ever know.

But what we do know is this.

More likely than not, Gangle almost abstracted in Ep 4. And out of everyone who has EVER vented so far, Gangle has shared relatively nothing. Even after the Spudsy's adventure, what we've seen so far is her never mentioning her feelings except that she feels like she messed everything up.

Gangle doesn't know how to help herself. Zooble can make her feel better, but not for long, because Gangle doesn't think she can get better.

When she was about to vent to Pomni, she stopped as soon as she felt like her feelings were REALLY about to come loose, put her new happy mask back on, said she had no time to talk about her feelings, and fled.

What I think is that Gangle thinks everyone is more important than her, so when she FINALLY got to be important she was happy. Really, truly happy.

The worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved.

Something that makes me sad is that Gangle does not feel wanted or loved.

Gangle was almost gone in Episode 4.

We almost lost Gangle. Had Gangle abstracted, she'd die without ever feeling like people cared about her.

For all we know, she could be the first person to abstract after Kaufmo.

I personally believe that.

The end of Episode 4 was a su¡cide attempt. (is that word allowed? im not sure..l ill censor it anyway)

I saw someone say this in the comment section of either the episode itself or a reaction video, and I completely agree.

They say before people commit su¡cide, they have a sudden boost of joy. Everything will be over soon. Why not enjoy that fact?

I think it was a subconscious su¡cide, at the very least.

She was happy. For the first time without a happy mask to hide how she feels deep down, she was happy.

She had a sudden boost of happiness, and then stepped backwards into oncoming traffic. When someone experiences a near-death situation by their own hand, there's a moment of regret before they are gone. I've experienced it myself, and it is horrid. That feeling is one I will never be able to forget. Even if I never so much as blacked out, I felt faint, and I will NEVER forget that fear, that horror, dread, regret.

The shock. Wondering if it was truly me who did it.

And I think. That is what Gangle experienced.

And then, that feeling was brushed off by Caine, whether she knew he doesn't understand the feeling of wanting to disappear or not, she was quick to blame herself for it all. Both about her performance to Caine, and alone, to nobody but herself.

"I guess I just... cracked under the pressure I suppose."

And maybe, just maybe.

That crack will never heal.

Thank you for listening and reading my ramble, everyone!! I appreciate it more than you know!

Bye bye for now, friends! Have a lovely day!

[moonstandardtime]

im thinking about loop. as usual. but today im putting a fun spin on things and thinking specifically about my botw au loop.

heres my original drawing of them from last year + another image for cropping. it feels pretty self-evident to me but this may be an instance of the one xqcd comic. about accidentally assuming what is common knowledge.

so. loop is fi. fi from skyward sword not breath of the wild yes. heres a little lesson on the zelda timeline for those of you who havent read the hyrule historia book cover to cover.

pre skyward sword—there is a manga in the back of hyrule historia about the first hero. the one before sksw link, who is the "first hero". this actual (non-canon, probably) first hero was wrongfully imprisoned for vaguely specified reasons that i dont remember and thus wasnt really able to do his hero things. i guess. and hylia (not zelda yet) who was in love with him . well shes important i dont rlly remember how shes relevant to this link specifically. but link sacrifices himself for the good of the people and hylia sends up the sky islands that would later become skyloft and others. because theres a war happening i forgot to mention that. i think the master sword is relevant but can you tell its been a while since ive read this. because it has.

and now the master sword. i havent actually finished sksw and dont know the whole story even though i really. should by now. but i know the basics. fi is the spirit of the master sword and i think she was made by hylia to aid in that whole war i mentioned. or something like that. shes only present in sksw but technically shes in botw too bc the master sword speaks to zelda and uses her little chime and like. obviously thats a callback to sksw.

so. loop.

loop in this au is the first hero. kiind of. theyre more of the chosen hero (sksw) in terms of story elements but first hero in terms of like, situation? this gets into a lot of the Lore which ii wont explain. bc that would like triple the length of this post. but BASICALLY the rundown of the situation is that Loop is in a Situationship (aka messy QPR) with Change's First Chosen (aka Mirabelle); Chosen gets nabbed by the first King; Loop sacrifices themself to save her. the Chosen then puts Loop's soul in their sword bc of how much she cares for them. and maybe kills the King with it for dramatic effect.

and then the Universe and Change God are so moved* by this they decide if it aint broke dont fix it. and thus begins the Cycle. and also i suppose there is the Curse.

(*the universe just saw a Situation that tied itself up in a neat bow while also progressing things and was like yeah ok lets just keep doing that. and change went along with it bc they were actually moved by it. and wanted to play toys)

SO. now Loop is in the sword. dead. tragic. aand (fast forward several thousand years and heroes (and theres one in particular they remember so well. they dont speak of him. he doesnt matter anymore.)) here comes a Siffrin who. also dies! but gets to come back and try again. because life just isnt fair i guess. and this motherfucker is so useless (helpless) and doesnt know anything and they cant just watch it all go wrong again so. they break their several thousand year silence and help him.

jazz hands ✨️ there it is thats my loop lore. yayy

[akiraarabella]

CAN WE ALSO PLEASE TALK ABOUT THIS SCENE?!?!?!

IT WAS NOT A KISS SCENE BUT IT WAS AS POWERFUL AS ONE!!!

Their THE KISS scene on season 3 episode 5 (yes i remember exactly dont ask why) it was REALLY powerful because it literally showed us the development between the two characters from them trying to kill one another (mostly Rayla) to saving each other and Callum expressing it such a beautiful way by his speech with "Because she's Rayla" Playing in the background was just TO DIE FOR!!!! it was emotional, romantic, strong! It was everything! It wasnt forced it was just there in the perfect time. I can never stop praising the shows writers enough istg. Even rn im listening to that ost in the background.

I cant lie bc it was adorable seeing these two being all lovey dovey with each other by kissing and hugging etc. But when season 4 begins, their relationship is just not there anymore. Yes there are bits and pieces but they're scattered everywhere. Callum reminiscing about her and their time together gives us half of the answer. Something happened that pulled them apart but what is it?

When he was looking out in the balcony to the sky, their theme was also playing at the background but so soft and so weak that you felt Callums' pain. It was a sad track, it was a tragic track. Raylas' memories were still there but not herself. And it made him so sad that the dude said it was NOT his BIRTHDAY but the ANNIVERSARY OF RAYLAS' LEAVING!!!! THIS BOY CARES ABOUT RAYLA MORE THAN HE CARES ABOUT HIMSELF!!!

From then on the relationship starts to have a second build up. Its like strangers to friends to lovers to strangers to ??? . The only difference of this build up compared to first three seasons is that there is already an established relationship, its just broken. So in a way they start again. Going on adventures, being there for each other in case either of them needs help. Callum doesnt let his feelings for her suppress his hurt which was also caused by her but little by little it starts to heal. It starts to fix.

Here we see Rayla admit to her mistake of going after revenge and leaving the most important thing she has behind (aka Callum obv) . Her admitting this out loud is so great to hear. Because she know she made a mistake and that mistake hurt Callum and she intends to FIX that mistake. She gives him the space he needs while also staying close enough in case he would need her. Just like Soren said "sometimes you need time to work through the weird, and then it'll work out or dont. The heart do what it do or dont what it dont"

And thats exactly what happens! With time the awkwardness becomes less and less and their hearts do the job. Their feelings for each other were never gone in the first place, and when they both finally realise that it just keeps getting better. In the form of saving friends (Zym and Soren) they remember how it felt working together which helps them get closer.

But even tho they act close their words are still apart. They dont admit it. They dont talk about it. They just go along with it. But then Rayla gets caught sneaking Runaans' bow. When Callum orders them to release her even without knowing the reason why, Rayla picks up what he's putting down. He trusts her, he doesnt push her to explain him anything because he knows that she will when she is ready. She sees that there is still a chance to make things just like before maybe even better.

(Also in this scene when they're going to the grand bookery and they cross this path, she says "its an old wound that's healing" I cant help but feel like its a parallel to their relationship. The wound of leaving for two years but now finally working through it. Its just perfect)

So yep after everything she admits it, which is also perfect because she was the one that made a mistake so she does fix it and she does it right.

"Im glad we could be here together, looking at the stars..." She says.

And Callum feeling the same way rests his head on hers. ITS JUST PERFECT AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! THE WAY THAT THEY STILL KEEP TALKING ABOUT STARS AND THIS WHOLE SCENE HAVING AS MUCH POWER AS THEIR KISS SCENE AND DARE I SAY EVEN MORE (i dont know which wins bc i was jumping around screaming when they kissed after Callums' poetic speech LOL it was ROMANTIC ALRIGHT?! 😭😭😭😭 SAME GOES FOR THIS ONE)

And the thing is that it'ss so easy to mess up. They could've gone for a route like "hey im back after two years of absence" "Oh hi its great to see you again" And its not just the characters and their relationships but also the world that you're telling to the audience. It is so easy to get it wrong ESPECIALLY if you are writing Fantasy. With so many kingdoms, dragons, elves and other species with also magic its very very simple to mess up. Im glad that they went this way with the story telling. Its more natural, more enjoyable and it just works perfectly.

ANYWAY IVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR WAY TOO LONG BUT IF YOU MANAGED TO FINISH READING IT TILL THE END OMG YOU'RE A FUCKING ROCKSTAR IDK I LOVE YOU THANK YOU!!! 😫😫😫💕💕💕💕

[idlingmoons]

the (not so) long-awaited fntd rant... i want it to be kept in mind that i do enjoy the game because of the dcas. and i have 1.11k wins in the game, so believe me when i say that it is grindy as hell. i do complain a lot, but i do come back to the game at the end of the day so keep that in mind. im also putting a keep reading cut here because i do not want to have this long ass ramble take up my entire tumblr lolol

@that-one-unknown-artist prepare yourself for the ranting ahead. i offer you sun and moon in these trying times, and dca ocs too since im neglecting them for this damn game rn haha

it's a genuinely very fun game at the beginning. the base game has 7 games to choose from, and 6 nights for each game, and each game is based off the fnaf series. they have fnaf 1-4, sister location, pizzeria sim, and (most importantly, and my favorite) security breach. security breach is genuinely the coolest one, but i love all the maps? in the game? security breach is just my favorite because theres an entire night dedicated to moondrop as the boss (night 5), and then night 6 has music man CRAWLING. ON THE CEILING>??????

doing all the nights aren't that long when you have good units, but i find that its hard to get a good starter. you do have to spend money for certain units and theres more of an incentive to because it's limited time (<- unfortunate money spender. worth it though). it's why i have my moondrop now haha. there's also the trading center which i am SCARED and socializing is NOT my peak skill so negotiating for stuff is very . HahHAHA. but thankfully you can just buy stuff without having to say anything. i bring up the trading center because the base prices for the dcas can get expensiveeee.

theres currently five dcas in game right now. you have base sundrop and moondrop (though sun is called sunshine), and you can get sunshine from the season pass! so hes not too expensive to get, you just have to grind enough xp to be able to get him (which, in a season pass, you need 4650 xp. you get 14 per game, 20 xp if you play nightmare mode) and currently it ends feb 15th. if you want to start, you might wanna start now lmao. but anyway you have sun, and moon, and then this game literally creates its own dca oc called stardrop. i am MADLY in love with the sun, moon, and star designs. stardrop looks genuinely so cool im keeping him in my pocket and yoinking that design for future ideas I REALLY LIKE THAT GUY . you also can get apollo's sun from the current event which is the greek event, but hes an apex and you get a 0.002% chance in rolling him, and 0.1% chance in getting him from a box. and then there's his evolution, apollo's moon

i'm already ranting here, but this is where i genuinely go insane from this post starts. APOLLO'S MOON. where do i start with you. so apollo's sun is the base unit and my god is he so fine. ok ? lets put it at that. he's basically greek au sun. alright? and game devs pulled it off. but HOOOOOO MY INTENSE. EMOTIONS . in regards to apollo's moon. i want to say it's hatred, but it's not. i'm just disappointed. he's the evolution from apollo's sun (and i was very lucky to get him!) and i considered referring to him as artemis throughout the rest of this rant because i want to give him a crumb, a MODICUM amount of respect. but he doesnt even deserve that after his design. I AM GOING TO GO INSANE.

to evolve him. let me get this screenshot

i don't have anything better and also ignore the 43k souls now because i am BROKE. this was before i got apollos moon, and now im grinding again to get apollos sun to get the original unit so yk yk. this might not make a lot of sense if you havent played the game, which is completely fair so let me explain all the statistics and insanity this game put me through to get me with apollos moon. and i WILL. talk about how i want to redesign him because he can go two routes oh my fucking god i feel so strongly about tthe dcas

the top left is souls. i used to have 43k of them until i started buying stuff but you know. theres four currencies in game—coins, souls, doubt coins or whatever they are, and the event currency (which, as of right now), is medallions. coins you get with everything and are from base game, souls you get everywhere but rarer. doubt coins you get from boss raid, and i dont rlly like boss raid so i will just ignore talking about them. and then you get event currency, which are the medallions. you only need 5k souls, which is reasonable if you play the game and youre willing to grind some, especially since you get 5 dailies that give you 500 total if you do them all, and 5 weeklies that give you 5000 total if you manage to complete them too. they take some effort in doing, but the game gives you the genuine chance to get them. theres also the 500 suns and the 100 moons, and 25 suns are 5k medallions and 10 moons are 25k medallions.

the top right corner says 350k medallions. i figured this out the hard way. im genuinely going to explode i had to grind for 700k total medallions. because suns are 100k total and moons are 250k total im NOW just realizing this holy fucking shit?? you do get 174k medallions from the event rewards if you have the greek pass with it, and theres infinite tasks you can do (one must imagine sisyphus happy...) which can give you 5k or 15k medallions so. yeah. im beginning to realize how insane i sound from a mathematical standpoint, and also a standpoint from someone who hasnt played the game before. in the middle row, theres the green presents which are the greek boxes. yes you need 250 of them. you get can 3 of them (at least for me) from said infinite tasks, or 9 of them depending on certain ones. you also get 130 from the event rewards at the very end so ayyy more incentive to play. theyre not that bad, you just have to hope that you get one certain task 14 times, and yoou can now go to endless mode and just sit there after upgrading all your units and stuff. though, i also recognize its easier for me just because ive spent an entire month playing it every single day and going insane from doing it so uh. keep that in mind

the middle of the middle is agony. yeah theres something about agony from taken from the games. idk about agony though, i literally only care about daycare attendants. anyway. AHEM. YOU NEED 50 OF THOSE???? it was genuinely awful i wanted to scream HELLO? this isnt the worst one to grind for btw. its just the one where a good bit of my souls went. i ended up having to trade for them and thankfully market price is like. 100 souls. some people charged 200, thats okay, its fine. its just hard to find people who want to sell agony because, TURNS OUT. its a 1% chance you get agony in the event games. and you can get it in the base game, which you have a 1% chance of getting (unless its a certain night, which is then 2.5x that much), or you can increase the chances but you have to play it on hell mode and even then, its a 5% chance of getting agony from hell mode. it stacks, but point still stands. but hey, i did it. so

ironically enough, agony didnt bring me agony. the gold presents, theyre corrupted presents, YES. THOSE BROUGHT ME IMMENSE PAIN AND AGONT Y I WILL SCREAm. you have a 1% chance of getting them IN THE EVENT GAMES. theyre lower in the base games, as games 1-6? all lower than 1%. only in security breach is it 1%. and you only get them in hell mode. ONLY. in hell mode. nowhere else. just hell mode. and they're so expensive in the trading plaza too ???? its genuinely where a lot of my souls went. people will charge it for like 5k? ive seen it go for 9k once. but thankfully a good bunch of em bought was only 2k, so i could buy a bunch at once and thank fukcing god. it was still so bad i had to grind for a good portion of them and i want it to be understood that i screamed in genuine joy at getting last one. I SCREAMED. IN RELIEF

the last unit is this bonnie called nymph toy bonnie or smth. i bought him early on so not much to write home about there

now. after evolving apollos sun to apollos moon. I WILL CRY. WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT. hes a recolor with a ray ripped off, two harps, and more arrows. and before you go like "isnt stardrop a recolor" (or you dont, thats fine too) AT LEAST STARDROP LOOKS GOOD. SOMEHOW??? APOLLOS MOON LOOKS REALLY BALD. AND HE HAS RAYS. the colors are atrocious, theyre the white and dark blue like og moondrop but they dont work with the scarf thing and the rays, so they look really weird, the harps are ok and the arrows are fine. i dont like the look of the white stars on it. at least with moondrop he had the yellow stars and thats fine because thats base game, and also he had his night cap which also had yellow stars. with apollos moon, the white stars just all mesh together and then its like. Huh. i do like the one broken ray though, but utilized very badly here and shouldve been brought in with a different dca design instead of apollos moon. but after evolving him, i got a unit that just looks like a mess, so i am. in fact. just disappointed. as an artist, he hurts my soul. however, as a tower-defense player, hes fucking great. he caps out at 165k damage AND THATS WITHOUT ENCHANTS. my enchant for him makes him do 403k damage like hell yeah damn right my boy get it.

now. i really want to redesign him because his design is awful and atrocious. at least i think so. there are two possible ways to redesign him, i think, though ive only thought more of one. i will call these two versions apollo's moon and artemis's moon respectively. for apollo's moon, i think he should be colored yellow instead. this seems really weird, but swap au of sun and moon have existed before, including the colors, and its been pulled off really well. so, i suggest it. not only that, but stardrop is a technically a sun who pulls off moon colors well, so why not the other way around? if we're going to call him apollo's sun, he better damn act like it. it also gives him a chance for his harps to be colored brown instead of the white and blue we see in game, and generally his color palette would be more cohesive. apollos sun pulls the red off in the pants as well, and it glows. i think the stars glowing would be a lot better, especially if theyre yellow instead of the white that blends in with everything in the original design. also, no rays. both designs arent getting rays. i do think to play up the moon part, he should get a nightcap...? but i also think that there should be a gold laurel wreath crown for his design. i think it'd work heavily, especially with the greek theme, so why not do that? i do think artemis's moon would be colored differently, maybe more grayish blue and without the red eyes? i can see a silver laurel here instead of maybe a gold one. this second route i havent thought of much because im just. not a fan of apollos moon design wise and im sort of sleep deprived and going insane from how much ive been playing this game.

h. i still do play it though. i genuinely really like the dcas, i think its super fun, and i cant wait for the next ones! sorry if this seems a bit abrupt ending but a lot of my passion within this rant has been used, and i got the points i wanted to get across i think. i would still suggest to play it. i just need to get apollos sun soon so i can go back to working on art for a video that, technically, has been worked on for over a few weeks now. </3