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0skeleton-tears0 · 1 year ago

Text

Rosyln

[Jacob Black] X [Reader]

One shot

Prompt: Unwilling Imprint, ANGST

Pronouns: I tried to be gender-neutral but I may have messed up a few times.

TW: DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD AND GORE. Read at your discretion. A little bit of mommy issues lmao. (laughing through the pain rn)

Notes: I don’t have the best grasp on what phones were like in the 2000’s so it’s probably inaccurate. Jake is fine y'all please don’t call paw patrol. JUSTICE FOR LEAH CLEARWATER. A little bit of simping for her because idc she's gorgeous and I love her.

I realized that the timing for this is a little confusing, so its supposed to take place in like the middle of New Moon but I wrote that Seth and Leah had already shifted, which doesn't happen until eclipse so pls ignore that.

THE FUCKING TITLE HAS BEEN SPELLED WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME ITS ROSYLN NOT ROSLYN

꧂☾✮☽꧁

Jacob Black had made it clear he didn't want me in his life anymore. Those last words I had heard from him burned themselves into my memory, into my very skin.

"It wasn't supposed to be you."

I cringed and tried to sink into the bed further, but the mattress wouldn’t let me in. My eyes traced the shapes in the popcorn ceiling of my room, and I tried desperately to think of anything else. Making shapes out of nothing—and stories to go with it. Yet my mind seemed to somehow circle back. Everything seemed to remind me of him. And the last time I saw him.

The rain pounded against the steps of my front porch, drenching my clothes in muggy water. The deafening sound almost tore me away from the boy in front of me. But he wasn't the boy I knew before. He was taller, bigger, and much meaner. He said nothing for a moment, he just stared at me. I couldn’t read his expression—it was many things all at once. There seemed to be some sort of realization, then confusion, and then hatred. A burning hatred that made me want to shrink away from him. It made my skin crawl. I was suddenly very aware of the way my clothes now hung to my skin, the rainwater adding an extra pound or two.

He shook violently, his breath hitching. His eyes darted around like they were searching for something.

I hadn’t expected him to change so drastically in the two weeks I hadn’t seen him. His long, dark hair was cut short. His formerly lanky figure looked like that of a man twice his age. And his dark skin bore an intricate tattoo located on his right shoulder. It was the same tattoo Sam had. Sam, the man he apparently hated.

"It wasn't supposed to be you."

That was the last thing he said to me, before storming away. Into his truck, and out of my life.

It hurt to think about it, I tried to convince myself that it was somehow my fault. That I had said or done something wrong. Something so vile that it would make him hate me enough to leave. But why would he be so angry with me? I had called him, I called Billy. I even tried calling Charlie. No one would give me a coherent answer. Charlie was the only one willing to give me anything. Saying something about how Jacob and Bella had gotten into a big fight, and she was receiving similar treatment. But to know that he had at least had contact with her while having ignored me completely. It stung. It made my skin crawl, and I felt a burning sense of rage. But it was overshadowed by guilt. Maybe it was my fault—or was it selfish to assume that everything in his life revolved around me?

I felt tempted to call Bella. It seemed like she knew the most about whatever had Jacob acting this way. I bit my lip, weighing my options. Bella and I were never close, I knew that Jacob liked her. Jacob liked her a lot—I bit my lip a little harder at that thought. I hated the way he would swoon whenever she breathed in his direction. How he would trip over his feet trying to please her. And yet he couldn’t take the hint that she didn’t want him. And she refused to let him go. Wrapping him around her finger and leading him on, only to pull back as soon as he got his hopes up. I stared at my phone, I had Bella’s number saved somewhere deep within my contacts. The last time I had actually used it was weeks ago when I tried to be friends with her—she had denied my advances of course. I reached for my phone hesitantly. My heartbeat quickened slightly. Would she even answer me? Was it rude to try and talk to her just so I could ask about Jacob? Especially while they were fighting? My finger hovered above the call button. I pressed it quickly, it was worth a shot.

The phone rang for an uncomfortable amount of time, enough for me to start regretting my decision. But before I could chicken out and hang up, Bella answered. She didn’t sound too great. Her voice was slightly hoarse, and it wobbled a bit. It sounded like she was forcing the words out of her mouth.

“Hello?” She answered. It took me a second to remember what I had called her for, though I should have expected this from her. She was almost in the same situation I was in. Almost.

“Hey Bells,” I used the old nickname we had for her when we were kids. I hoped that the friendliness would maybe help convince her to spill the beans about Jacob. “I don't want to pry into your guys’ business, but what's going on with Jacob?” I tried to sound like I was just mildly curious, forcing the worry out of my tone. But I didn't have time to explain my reason for asking before she cut me off.

“He's just not feeling well.” She spoke fast, too fast for me to understand at first. The words jumbled and rushed, slowly connecting in my mind. Not feeling well? He seemed fine to me.

“Oh,” That couldn't be all that was wrong. “Did he say if he was sick?” I questioned. I wanted to drag this conversation out. I wanted to pry as much information as I could from Bella.

She paused on the other side of the phone—I desperately wanted to know what was going on inside her head, to hear what she was keeping from me. There was no way she didn't know more than what she was leading on. “Uh, he said it was Mono. Yeah, he got pretty bad Mono recently so you probably won't see him for a while.” She spit the words out fast. Stumbling over them like the way she stumbles through life. I knew for certain that he did not have Mono. That was the biggest load of shit I had heard since Jacob told me he “didn't have a crush on Bella”. People got Mono from kissing someone else with it, and I knew that Jacob wouldn’t have kissed anyone but Bella. And she was apparently Mono-free.

“Oh that’s awful, when did he get it?” I asked. I had no idea whether or not she knew about my recent encounter with Jacob. Only her answer would tell.

She panicked for a second. “Um, I think it was three weeks ago. Yeah! Three weeks.” She sounded more sure of herself the second time she said it. Bingo.

Bella had always been a bad liar. She’d stutter over her words more than usual, and she’d start to get antsy the longer the lie went on.

“Huh, well that really sucks. If you get a hold of him could you tell him I hope he feels better soon? I haven't been able to contact him.” I didn't plan on telling Bella about Jacob's midnight appearance. She didn't know, which meant she didn't need to know.

“Yeah, I will.” She sounded eager to hang up, so I put her out of her misery. I tossed my phone back onto the bed. And began to calculate my next move.

Bella had no idea that I had seen Jacob, so she had no idea that I was certain he was not sick at all. Sick in the head maybe, but he seemed physically healthy to me. Jacob stood in the pouring rain with no problem, in a sleeveless shirt might I add. And showed no signs of any kind of sickness. From the sound of it, Bella knew he wasn't sick. It was painfully obvious that she was trying to cover for him. I had to come up with some plan of action. I needed Jacob to talk to me. It wasn’t fair that Bella was allowed to know everything while his “best friend” wasn’t.

I inhaled deeply through my nose and exhaled from my mouth. This wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea where he was, and I knew no one was going to tell me. I could beg Billy to tell me what was going on, he could only handle so much of my puppy-dog eyes before he cracked. I could march my way to Sam’s house and demand to know everything. Both plans of action sounded terrible. It felt selfish. I wasn’t really owed anything, it felt wrong to demand that they tell me their secrets. Maybe once I found out I’d wish that I’d left it alone. Stubborn as always, I decided that I was going to find out. You can’t just shut someone out for no reason and then be upset when they want to know why.

I reached for the stale glass of water on my bedside table and knocked back a large gulp. I cringed at the funny taste. My thoughts flew a mile a minute. I came up with a new plan of action. I was going to go to Jacob’s house and wait for him there. He couldn’t stay away from his house forever and I was willing to wait as long as it took. He would talk to me, whether he liked it or not.

I marched to the other side of my bedroom and rifled through my closet. I picked out the first outfit I found, and threw on a jacket. I snatched my keys and marched to my front door. I didn’t care who I had to ask, I would figure this out. There was no way Jacob was getting rid of me so easily. The puddles on the pavement splashed violently as I stomped through them, soaking through the crevices of my shoes and dampening my socks. But I was too preoccupied to care. The car door creaked from the force that I opened it with, I threw myself into the driver's seat and slammed it shut again. I flinched from the loud noise. I need to slow down a bit. I inhaled, closed my eyes, and relaxed my shoulders. I shouldn’t be driving in such a state. I pried my eyes open and started the car, reversing out of the driveway once I heard the roar of the engine.

The long roads that led to the reservation were more familiar to me than the back of my hands. I had driven there so many times, for as long as I could remember. It hurt to think about every other time I had been here. When things weren’t so complicated. When it was Jake and me against the world. Without Bella. I bit the inside of my cheek, focusing on the pain from that instead of the tears threatening to spill. Breaking down crying while driving was not the best idea. I didn’t need to add a hospital visit and a wrecked car on top of all of the other shit going on in my life. I focused on my breathing, and not crashing the car. With every landmark, I knew I was getting closer. It wasn’t long before I was turning down the road that led to Jacob's house. A cozy, barn-esque house. Where I shared some of my most cherished memories. Though the memories were slightly bitter now. I parked the car in his driveway. Billy Black was sitting on the porch, his eyes bored into my very soul, and I fought the urge to avoid them. He huffed and wheeled himself back into the house.

I shoved myself out of the car and marched up to the front door. I pounded on the stable wood, he wouldn’t ignore me too. Billy swung the door open, looking frustrated and concerned.

“He isn’t here [Y/N]. I’ll tell him you stopped by.” He turned to close the door again. It hurt to have Billy turn me away. I had never felt anything other than welcome in his home, but I was treated like a stranger now, he was treating me like a girl scout. I grabbed the door before it could close.

“Then I’ll wait here for him,” I said in the sternest tone I could manage. It killed me to be rude to Billy. But I kept my guard up. I couldn’t show any sign that I would back down.

Billy sighed but made no move to let me in. He glanced behind him into the house, then back at me.

“I hate to do this to you kid, but you really can’t be here right now.” Billy looked me in the eyes again. His tone was stern but comforting. But I couldn’t give up so easily.

“Why not? Why won't anybody tell me what’s going on?” I was more desperate this time, my faḉade dropping. It took everything in me not to start hysterically screaming.

Billy cringed, it hurt him to shut me out. He obviously knew what was going on with his son but something was stopping him from telling me. He looked up at me again, opening his mouth to speak. But his eyes caught something behind me, and he stopped. I turned around. A red truck pulled into the driveway. Jacob sat in the driver’s seat and huffed when he saw me. I looked next to him, of course, Bella was with him. She bit her lip, and blinked way too many times, looking between me and Jacob. He stepped out of the truck and walked to the other side to open Bella’s door for her. He was just pouring salt on the wound at this point. The pair walked toward me, I opened my mouth to yell at Jake, but he walked right past me, Bella in tow. Billy looked disappointed but said nothing. Bella looked back at me with a look that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. It almost looked like sympathy, but there was venom to it. Not quite a glare, but not friendly. I scoffed. Who does this girl think she is?

“Hey!” I shouted. Jacob paused, his shoulders tensed. But he didn’t turn around to look at me. “What is your problem?” I continued, “What am I not good enough for you anymore? Not cool enough to hang out with you and your new friends?” This went much more calmly in my head. A lot less accusingly. Jacob still refused to look at me. But Bella did. She walked toward me and put her hand on my shoulder.

“[Y/N] I really think you should leave.” Bella insisted, but I shoved her hand off of me. I was even more frustrated that she had the audacity to tell me what to do after she tried to lie to me earlier.

“No! I’m not going anywhere ‘till he explains himself! He has no right to just cut me off.” I yelled, more at him than her. But she still flinched, and I felt a little bad. Jacob spun around now, jumping at the chance to protect Bella. He got in my face and pushed Bella behind him.

“Don’t you dare yell at her.” He glared at me. He shoved me back a bit, the force almost sent me flying, but I held my ground.

“I’m not yelling at her, I'm yelling at you, Jacob. Funny how you only speak to me when you want to protect her. And what the hell does “It wasn’t supposed to be you” mean?” I got right back in his face, confronting him about his last encounter with me. His eyes widened slightly, and he glanced back at Bella. She furrowed her brows and looked at him.

“Jake, what are they talking about?” She held onto Jacob’s shoulder and tried to turn him towards her. But he didn’t budge, only turning his head to look at her.

“Don’t worry about it, Bells.” The nickname made me want to barf. Wasn’t she dating that Cullen guy? Oh right. The Cullens had packed up and moved town a few months ago, the whole town had been so worried about Bella since she was so in love with Edward. I had felt bad for her too, her depressive episode was all too familiar to me. Though it seemed she had moved on and sunk her claws into Jacob now. Suddenly I wasn’t too sympathetic toward her.

“He didn’t tell you?” If he wouldn’t, I would. “He showed up at my doorstep in the pouring rain and told me the most cryptic bullshit I’ve ever heard, before disappearing out of my life!” I shouted. It seemed I had called out to some weather god because a light rain began to fall on all of us. But no one made any move to take shelter. At least this was more dramatic now.

Bella looked confused but didn’t press any further. Jacob turned to me again, he looked more frustrated than mad now.

“Look [Y/N], just go away. If I could tell you I would. But you shouldn’t be here right now.” Jacob started to shake, he wasn’t wearing that thick of clothing, so he was probably cold because of the rain. He turned to walk away again, but my hand shot out on its own to grab onto his shoulder. Woah. I was wrong, Jacob wasn’t cold at all. He was hot to the touch. It almost burned.

“Holy shit!” I pulled my hand back, and he turned around frantically, my cry alerting him. “Jacob you’re burning up! I think you need to see a doctor or something.” I looked down at my hand, thankfully it wasn’t burned, only a slight red tint was left behind. Even though I was mad at him, I couldn’t help but worry. As much as I try, I’ll never be able to hate Jacob. I looked up at him, my ‘angry face’ was gone now, a look of worry taking its place. His eyes softened for a moment. His shoulders relaxed, before tensing back up again. His gaze hardened, and he huffed.

“Go.” Was all he said, before turning again. He ushered Bella to follow him, leaving his arm around her shoulder. I stomped forward again and slammed my palm onto his shoulder.

“Hey! I’m not leaving without an answer, Jacob Black. If you think you can get rid of me that easily you are stupidly mistaken.” I let out a sarcastic laugh at the end of my sentence. Nothing was funny about this but I couldn’t help myself. Jacob shook more, and his breathing sped up. He let go of Bella and looked at me.

“I am not going to tell you again [Y/N].” He emphasized each word, “Leave now, for your own good.” For my own good my ass.

“No Jacob, not until you tell me WHY.” I emphasized my words, mimicking his. He shook so hard I was afraid he would combust.

And then he did.

Within a split second, the sounds of clothes tearing filled my ears. And I felt something tear at my arm. I was flung back from the force of it, landing on the muddy ground. White hot pain shot through my entire right side. I felt something warm run down my arm, contrasting with the cold rain surrounding me. But my focus was still caught on what was in front of me. Jacob was gone, replaced with a reddish-brown wolf. It was the size of a horse. Way bigger than any normal wolf should be. My mind felt fried. This couldn’t be real. This had to be some horrible dream or some hallucination. But the pain in my arm told me that this was all too real.

The wolf, presumably still Jacob, snarled and growled for a moment before its eyes caught sight of my arm. I looked down. I could barely see anything past the amount of red. It was my blood. The flesh was torn, ripped almost to shreds. Exposing the pink mussel beneath. I caught a small bit of white. Bone. My breath was rapid. The air entering my lungs burned, it felt like they were trying to rip open. I shook. It took everything not to start screaming. I was in shock. This couldn’t be real.

I looked back up at the Jacob-wolf. His ears flew back, and he shook and backed away slightly. His brown eyes, eyes I knew too well, flickered between my face, and my arm. His tail tucked between his legs, and he ran. With incredible speed, he ran into the forest. My ears rang.

All I could hear was the pounding of the rain and yelling. I heard yelling from all sides. A woman’s voice. And a few different male voices. I heard something thump on the ground across from me. But as my vision blurred, I was unable to make out what it was. Or, who it was. I felt something pull me from the mud. Two large hands grabbed me and held me tight. I was pulled into someone's arms, and I felt us move. The heat was almost unbearable. It was suffocating. I wanted to pull away. To be left on the ground. But I couldn’t pull together the strength to do anything. I felt oblivious to the world around me. Everything was blurry, and moving both too fast, and too slow all at once. I could make out only some of the words I heard around me. Most were panicking. But over all of that, I heard a calm voice yelling orders. I heard more clothes ripping, and two more giant figures ran into the woods. After Jacob.

I heard that same voice from above me, it was calm and reassuring this time.

“Everything is going to be okay [Y/N], we're gonna get you some help” It was distinctly Sam. I knew that tone. It was paternal, it was gentle. But it felt so firm, so firm that I believed every word of it. I let myself relax. Black spots entered my vision, everything was blurry again, and then there was nothing.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

The faint sound of beeping woke me, the shrill noise scraping against my ear canal.

I groaned. My everything hurt. I squeezed my eyes further shut, trying to block out the bright light that threatened to burn my retinas.

My opened my eyes reluctantly as I heard footsteps come through the door. Sam’s large figure came through the doorway. He looked calm, but his brow was slightly furrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, before shutting it again. He looked down for a moment, almost like he was having a conversation I couldn’t hear. Sam inhaled deeply, before stepping towards me. His heavy footsteps resonated through the nearly silent room. The only other sounds were the beeping of the machines next to me. He stepped cautiously towards me, before sitting down in the chair next to my bed. I looked at him anxiously. I knew what was coming, but I didn’t know how. There was no way I could explain what I had seen without sounding insane, “Why yes doctor, my best friend turned into a wolf and mauled my arm. No biggie though.” I bit the inside of my cheek nervously, but Sam gave me a knowing look that calmed me slightly. His look told me he could understand the silent words I was trying to speak.

“How are you feeling?” Sam’s commanding voice vibrated off the walls. I didn’t know how to answer, I assumed he was asking about my arm.

“Fine, the doctors gave me a bunch of meds to make it hurt less so I’m mostly just numb now-”

Sam raised his hand to stop me.

“No, no. How are you feeling.” He emphasized the word. He didn’t mean my arm. It was clear that he wasn’t going to try and cover up what I had seen. I knew there wasn’t much I could say to him. If anyone were to overhear me talking about my friend turning into a giant wolf and scratching my arm, they’d ship me off to the psych ward without a second thought. I bit the inside of my cheek. For a moment, I refused to meet Sam’s gaze. His eyes were intense—they always were.

I tried to think of an answer for him. But I just couldn’t put what I wanted to say into words. He seemed to understand my frustration, and he sighed.

“Look kid, I know that this is going to be hard to understand, but it's time you know the truth.”

I perked up at this. Finally, they were going to tell me what was going on. It only took a traumatizing and unexplainable experience, and my arm getting fucked up to make it happen. Worth it.

We sat there for what felt like hours, as he explained to me the deep, and extensive past of the Quileute tribe's history. How they could turn into wolves, and it was their duty to protect humans from vampires. He also told me about where Bella fit into all of this. The Cullen boy she was dating was part of a family of vampires. And, by proxy, she was now involved with the pack too. But everyone in the pack was sworn to secrecy. And that's why they couldn't tell me. Sam being the alpha made his word law. So they had no choice.

I felt guilt bubbling inside my chest, I was so mad at Jacob and the others for not telling me. But they couldn't whether they liked it or not. It felt like someone was grabbing at my heart and squeezing it. I felt so selfish, so arrogant. I demanded that they tell me everything, and then got myself hurt. I felt so bad.

Sam gave me a sympathetic look, it was as if he understood without me having to speak a word.

“It’s not your fault. Besides, we would have had to tell you anyway.” I looked up at that. But he paused.

“Why?” I asked. It was hard to find the words I wanted to say. I felt like I had so many questions, but forming them together in a coherent manner was impossible. These drugs were fucking with my head. I noticed that the lights were a bit fuzzy now.

Sam looked away and contemplated for a moment. But when he looked back, it was obvious he wasn't going to explain himself. Why does everyone have to be so cryptic all the time?

“I think Jacob should tell you himself,” Sam spoke with finality. There was no wiggle room to try and pry anything out of him.

I sighed. But I didn't try to push any further. I was exhausted. Taking in so much information was hard, especially while I was barely awake. Sam smiled at me and stood. He towered over my bed, making the giant machines look like children's toys. This explains why the Quileute men are all so big.

“I'd better let you rest kid, just come to the reservation whenever you're ready.” He smiled and made his way out.

I sunk back into the firm hospital bed. I ran through everything in my head again. Vampires? Werewolves? What other ghouls should I be worried about? Will I run into a troll the next time I cross a bridge?

I couldn’t pull together the energy to really care at the moment, the only thing I cared about was going back to sleep. I glanced down at my bandaged arm, moving it slightly, and wincing. I sighed, and relaxed my whole body. I tried my best to ignore the beeping, and clamped my eyes shut. I shifted slightly, and felt a jolt go through my entire right side. I grumbled and settled back down, being more weary of my arm this time. I rolled my eyes, this was going to be a long recovery.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

It took a week before they let me out of the hospital. But the stitches in my arm would take way longer to come out. And I wouldn't even be fully healed for a few months.

They gave me fresh clothes since mine were basically ruined. I had to wear a shirt that was way too big for me, and shorts that went down to my calves. My socks were a bright yellow, and the worst texture I’ve ever felt, with grips on the bottoms. This sucked. Stupid Jacob. Stupid wolves. Stupid me.

My mother helped me to the car, but I nudged her away slightly. My arm was hurt not my legs, I could still walk on my own. I half-expected her to try and carry me to the car.

I wasn't allowed to drive while my arm healed, obviously. But at least I got time off of school, and off work. At least one good thing could come out of this mess.

But having so much time on my hands gave me too much time to think. And of course, my mind went to every bad scenario that could happen. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to face Bella. She had seen everything. But I couldn’t really find it within myself to hate her any less. Hate feels like a strong word, but I can’t think of any other word to describe the way I feel about her. It felt like she had ripped my best friend away from me, and left a gaping, burning hole behind. But was it entirely her fault? He chose to leave me, for her. But at the same time, she didn’t make any move to stop him. I sighed. Obsessing over it wouldn’t change anything. My mom glanced at me from the driver's seat. I could see her reflection through the window, as I stared at the beautiful scenery. The rain cast a thick fog across the forest, giving a gray tint to the world around it. My mom's eyes scanned my face, before quickly bouncing back to the road.

“What’s wrong honey?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. So many things were wrong. Jake was gone, my arm is fucked, and I’m way behind on my homework. What was I supposed to tell her?

I sighed, “I just… I just miss Jake.” That felt right. It was the truth, but not in its entirety.

She grimaced, “I know sweetie, but… when people get older, they tend to drift apart. Maybe it’s just time to let Jacob go. Maybe make some new friends?” She always got over things quicker than I did.

“No. He’s my best friend. I can’t lose him.” But what would I do if I did? It was entirely possible now. He had his new wolf friends and… Bella. A shiver of anger rushed through me at the thought of her.

“I know it’s hard but-”

“No! I-” I cleared my throat. I didn’t mean to yell at her. “No, I- I won’t lose him.”

She didn’t respond, she continued to stare at the road ahead. The large pine trees cast a thick canopy above us, rainwater pouring through the gaps in the branches. I sighed and tried to relax. All this stress was bad for my health. I didn’t need to have a full breakdown and end up back in the hospital.

The pine trees gave way to a small path on the side of the road. I caught a glimpse of brown fur vanishing into the foliage. I gasped lightly, which alerted my mother.

“What’s wrong? Did you hurt your arm? You’ve got to be careful with those stitches in! And how did you even-” I cut her off before she could start ranting.

“No, no everything’s fine I just thought I saw something in the forest. Like a bear or something.”

Smooth [Y/N].

She looked hesitant, I couldn’t tell if she believed me, but I prayed she wouldn’t push me. I guess lady luck finally decided to cut me a break because my mom sighed and focused on the road again. I wanted to yell for her to stop the car. I wanted to jump out and chase after him. I didn’t care if I was injured, or if I could get lost in the forest. I wanted nothing more than to just at least talk to him. But after… the incident… would he even want to see me? I held back a sob.

As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I shoved myself out of the car. I needed to be alone for a bit. My mom waited a bit to get out, trailing behind me a few steps. I stood on the porch, waiting for her to unlock the door.

Memories flashed at me in waves. Pieces from my childhood, when Jacob and I would play in the grass, or draw in the driveway with our chalk. When Jacob would pull in with that loud ass truck after school to complain about all the homework he had. And when he struck the final nail into the coffin that was now our relationship. I cringed. Everything would remind me of him now. Ghosts of my past would haunt the hallway. Phantoms of what I had lost. My mother didn’t bother to hide her concern. I’m sure I looked like a mess right now. My hair was unkempt, my eyes dark and sunken in, and my skin drained of its warmth. I felt like a shell of my former self. A ghost walking amongst the living, trying to blend in. I sniffled and shook it off. I didn’t need to scream my anguish to the world. As far as they were concerned, everything was fine and dandy. I let myself in as soon as the door opened, and made a bee-line for my bedroom. I ignored the memories, and my mother when I was asked what I wanted for dinner. I let my legs give out and fell onto my bed. Just inches away from crushing my arm. I sighed, and ran my good hand over my face, trying to wipe the stress away.

I had no idea how long I lay there. Staring at the ceiling, without even bothering to make shapes in it this time. My phone rang, and my computer pinged. But I made no move to check either. Nothing went through my mind. It felt like time was moving at breakneck speed, and I was stuck. Unmoving. I was catatonic. I felt myself going through my nightly routine, showering, brushing my teeth, and taming my hair. But none of it registered. Like an automated machine. I was on autopilot. When I lay back down, I hoped to just pass out immediately. I should be exhausted. And I should be happy to be able to sleep in something other than a hospital bed. But I felt nothing. Something was missing and I knew it.

But minute after minute of laying there, I felt myself start to drift off. Maybe when I woke up, everything would have fixed itself.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was running. Branches and bushes whipped around me, scratching at my arms and face. They caught onto my clothes as if they were trying to slow me down. But my feet carried me through the thick forest. I heard howling, and the sound of something running. But they didn’t stop me. I had to keep going. But what was I running towards? I didn’t stop to think, I kept moving. But I was quickly halted, as a huge, black wolf appeared from the trees in front of me. I stopped as fast as possible, losing my footing and sending myself onto the hard ground. I scrambled back to my feet quickly, without taking my eyes off the wolf. It was as big as Jacob was when he turned into a wolf. More wolves emerged from the forest surrounding me. I could see now that I was in a small clearing, only a few feet big. I turned around, ready to make a run for it. But as I did, I came face to face with a brown wolf. This one was closer than the others. And its eyes bore into mine, nothing was threatening about this wolf. It took a tentative step towards me, and I stepped back. It bowed its head and continued to approach me. But before I could move, its head snapped back up. It growled and snarled. The wolf took a step back. It wasn’t looking at me anymore, but something behind me. I didn’t have time to look before the wolf pounced. Jumping high above me. I screamed and ducked. And then, I was in my room.

I sat up in my bed, panting and sweating. My heart was beating so fast, I feared it would fly out of my mouth. I tried to slow my breathing, I wasn’t in the forest anymore. I was home. I was safe. It was a dream. A really weird dream. I fell back into my bed.

It was clear to me now that the brown wolf in my dream was Jacob. The reddish-brown fur, and the deep brown eyes I had known my whole life. But what did it mean? What was behind me? Why did he attack? Maybe it was just a weird dream, maybe it had no meaning. I assumed that the first wolf was Sam, it seemed a tad bit bigger than the others, and it just felt like it commanded authority. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I rolled over to my bedside table and grabbed at my phone, eventually, my hand made contact, and I turned it towards my face. I recoiled from the intensity of the phone's light, my eyes having been adjusted to the dark. I squinted, 2:45 a.m. Great. It’s not like I was going to school in the morning, not while I was healing. So I could just go back to sleep. But what if I had another weird dream? I could only handle so much weirdness at a time.

The door to my room slammed open, and I flinched at the sudden sound. My mother stood in the doorway, still clad in her nightclothes. She looked frantic, and her eyes studied me.

“What happened?! I heard you scream!” My mother yelled, breathless. I guess when I screamed in my nightmare, I must have actually screamed. That was kind of embarrassing.

“Oh sorry. I had a nightmare.” I looked at my hands, they were shaking still. My mother sighed a breath of relief, but when she looked back at me, she was concerned.

“Honey, what’s wrong? You still won't tell me why you were in the hospital, and now you’re having night terrors? Why can’t you just tell me?” Her voice started to waver, I knew I was hurting her by not telling her.

It pained her to see me like this, but since she didn’t even know what was wrong, she was unable to help me. I felt so bad. But I knew I couldn’t tell her, Sam had sworn me to secrecy, and I wouldn’t betray his trust. Or the pack.

I didn’t really know the boys too well, of course, I knew Embry and Quil, as they were Jacob's other best friends—I didn’t know if I was even considered his best friend anymore, it felt weird to call myself that. After… everything. So of course I knew them well enough. But after the whole shift, and then Bella's situation. We grew apart.

I blinked, snapping myself back to the present. I think I just made mom more concerned.

“It was a dog. I saw some stray dog and I was gonna give it some food, but it attacked me.” I lied, I had to make it up on the spot. She didn’t look convinced, but I’m sure I looked rough enough for her to leave it be. She sighed, and gently grabbed the door handle, contrasting to how she had slammed it just a few minutes before. She glanced at me, before shaking her head and leaving. I sighed, relaxing my shoulders and flopping onto my bed. I thought back to the pack. So many of them were so young, too young to be fighting vampires. I thought back to Embry and Quil. Quil still hadn’t shifted, but Sam told me that they knew he would soon. I thought about how much Embry had changed. I didn’t even really talk to him anymore, but any time I saw him he just seemed different. I glanced at my phone. I probably still had his number somewhere. Maybe I should call? I still had plenty more questions about the pack. Why did they cut their hair off? Why did they go through a growth spurt that drastic? Why was Jacob so mean now? I held my phone in my hand and hovered over the call button.

“Hello?” Embry’s distinct voice echoed through the silent room. I almost forgot what I was going to say, he was still so different, but he sounded the same as he did before shifting. Into a werewolf. The word felt wrong. Like it wasn’t the right way to describe them.

“Uh hey, Embry. I’m sorry did I wake you up?” I tried not to stutter over my words. I had completely forgotten what time it was. I felt bad for waking him.

“Oh hey [Y/N], no it’s fine I wasn’t asleep yet.” Embry’s voice picked up in volume. The tired tone from his voice had vanished, leaving the excited boy I was familiar with.

“I uh, just wanted to ask you a few questions.” It wasn’t like that’s the only reason I called, but it must have sounded like it. Because Embry sounded upset like he audibly deflated.

“Oh, yeah. Of course, uh go ahead.” His enthusiasm from before was lost.

“No! No! I wanted to talk to you too, I didn’t just call for that. It’s just that since I know about you guys now, I can really talk to you again.” I reassured him.

I could hear him perk up at that. “Oh! Of course! Well uh, what’d you wanna know?”

We talked for a long time, and he told me a lot more about the Quiluete boys. How their hair translated to how long their fur was, which seemed stupid to me. That their bodies had to rapidly grow to accommodate their new wolf abilities. But when I got to my third question, Embry stopped. He didn’t answer when I called his name. But in a few seconds, he shook out of it.

“Oh uh, well, Jake’s been going through a lot more hormones than the rest of us, and he… He uhm…” He stuttered over his words, it was painfully obvious that there was something he wanted to tell me. But something was stopping him. I’m getting pretty sick of people being all cryptic and keeping shit from me. “He’s just, well… I don’t think I should be the one to tell you.” I was quickly reminded of my conversation with Sam in the hospital.

“So who should I ask?” I was getting frustrated at this point, but I didn’t let it show through my tone. After all, it wasn’t Embry that I was upset with.

“I think you know the answer to that [Y/N].” Embry finished. Before I could say anything in retaliation, he said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone. I glared at my phone as it flashed CALL ENDED across the screen. I resisted the urge to chuck my phone across the room in anger. Breaking your phone is counter-productive [Y/N]. I went back to my contacts, gazing at one familiar number. I shouldn’t call him so late.

Waiting overnight and thinking about what to say is probably the smart decision. But I didn't doubt that he would ignore my call anyways. At this point he probably had me blocked. I didn’t know if I should be mad at him for that or not. I was calling excessively, and that was bound to get annoying at some point. I thought about going back to his house, and waiting there for him to show up. But that didn’t go too well last time. But if I was calmer this time? My thoughts trailed off. I thought about every scenario possible. I thought about every possible way he could try and dodge my advances, and I thought of ways to make sure that he couldn’t run away from me. I don’t know when I managed to fall back asleep, but sooner than I thought I had drifted away. I was ready to face my problems. Tomorrow.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

“Come on, get your lazy butt up.” My mother barged into my room, ripping the blanket off of me and shaking my shoulders. I winced from the cold air hitting my newly exposed skin and tried to pry it away from her. “Wake up, you have a visitor.” That woke me up. My thoughts raced, was it Jake? Embry? Bella…

I heard a voice from the other room, “It’s okay Ms. (L/N), I could just come back later.”

Bella.

I sighed, slumping back down into my bed. I let my entire body go limp, hoping that I could somehow mold into the mattress and avoid all of my problems. But unfortunately, reality came like a harsh slap to the face.

“No, it’s fine hun! I’ll have them up in just a minute!” My mother called back, making a promise that I really didn’t want to keep.

I groaned into the pillow. My mother grabbed my shoulders again and started to pull. After a couple of seconds of pulling and tugging, I gave up and sat up fully.

“There you go. Now get dressed, we’ll be waiting in the living room.” My mother chirped and flitted to the doorway. “And fix your hair. You look like a mess.” She threw out one last comment on my appearance, shutting the door before I could respond. I sighed, did she expect me to wake up with perfect hair?

I shook off the last of my blankets and forced myself out of bed. I stumbled a bit, letting my legs get used to the feeling of walking again. I dragged myself around my room, grabbing whatever clothes I could find. To be honest, I was tempted to go out in my pajamas, was Bella really worth the trouble of getting dressed? I contemplated it for a minute, but I knew my mother would chew me out as soon as I stepped out of the door. I got dressed sloppily, not caring if I looked presentable or not. I ran my fingers through my hair, taming it as much as I could. I tied it back, hiding most of the mess. I didn’t bother with shoes.

I carefully opened the door, trying to refrain from making too much noise. I slowly shut the door and made my way down the hall on light feet. I rounded the corner into the living room, my mother's back was turned, but I had a clear view of Bella. She didn’t look too much better than me, but it was clear she had at least tried to hide it. Her hair was tied back, but the chunks that framed her face had escaped. Her eyes were dark, with deep bags hanging underneath. Her clothes were too big for her, hanging off of her small frame. I felt big just standing next to her. I felt like if I walked by her too fast she’d crumble. Her emotional state didn’t seem much better either. A small frown permanently occupied her light pink lips. Her eyebrows perpetually furrowed. I almost felt sorry for her.

It only took a moment for her to notice my presence, she looked up and gave a half-assed smile. I formed my lips into a tight line, I could be civil. But she was on my turf. It’s free range here. I smiled a little more at that thought. I made my way to the couch where my mother was sitting and plopped myself next to her.

She pushed me away slightly, “You’re sitting too close.” She murmured.

I made a show of scooting to the other end of the couch, exaggerating my movements as much as possible. She scoffed and looked back to Bella. Her expression brightened drastically as she looked at the girl across from us. Way to make it subtle Mom.

“So what brings you here Bella?” My mother chirped, she took a sip from her mug without breaking eye contact. Bella squirmed under my mother's intense gaze, fidgeting with her fingers and the hem of her jacket.

“Oh uh, I hope it’s not too much trouble but I’d really like to talk to [Y/N] alone.” She stuttered. She avoided eye contact with me entirely. I hoped that I was intimidating her.

My mother deflated as if she was hoping that Bella was here for her. No doubt I would get a lecture later, ‘You should be more like Bella! She’s so much better than you in every way blah blah blah’ etcetera etcetera. I rolled my eyes and shifted around.

My mother straightened again and smiled at Bella. “Oh of course honey! Why don’t you two go to [Y/N]’s room?” I snapped my head toward her, my room? It felt wrong to let Bella in there. As if she was trespassing into my domain like she was tainting my sacred grounds. I huffed, and my mother shot me a deadly glare. I winced and lowered my gaze. I held back a sigh as I pushed myself off the couch, gesturing for Bella to follow me. As soon as my back was turned, I grimaced. She shuffled behind me, watching her every step. Like she was afraid she’s break something if she stepped on the wrong floorboard. I rolled my eyes, knowing damn well I was the same way.

I shoved my door open and waved my arm in front of me in a ‘ladies first’ motion. She gave an awkward smile and walked in. When she was far enough into the room I walked in after her, shutting the door behind me. Every inch of my body was screaming. Screeching for me to shove her out, to get her out of my room. My brain itched and scratched, I wanted nothing more than to scream at her to leave. I smiled, at her and gestured toward the unmade bed.

“You can sit down.” I tried not to sound upset about it. Her sitting on my bed.

She glanced at the bed and hesitated. But she didn’t sit down. She continued to stand in the middle of the room. She bit her lip and blinked too many times.

“Oh, it won't take that long.” She started, “I just… wanted to talk to you about what-” she paused, “What happened.” I knew exactly what she was talking about. And I grimaced, taking a look at my arm. I chewed the inside of my mouth, debating my response.

“Oh yeah… That.” Wow. Absolutely amazing. 10/10 conversational skills [Y/N].

It was silent. Neither of us dared to say anything. Bella opened her mouth for a moment, presumably to say something, but she closed it just as quickly. I shuffled my feet, taking notice of the fact that I wasn’t wearing any socks. Kind of weird to have my feet out right now.

“It’s fine.” I blurted. “My arm I mean, it’s healing all right.” I clarified.

“That’s good. It was uh, pretty bad…” She trailed off, grimacing as she remembered that night. I thought about it too.

I felt tingles run down my arm as my skin remembered the feeling. The feeling of being torn open, the warm blood coating my skin and clothes. Lying on the wet ground with my former friend in front of me. My stomach lurched, and I resisted the urge to double over and empty my guts on Bella’s shoes. I shook my head, shaking the thought away.

“Yeah. But I’m getting better so.” I gave an awkward confirmation, was this all she came for? She could have just called or something.

“Um, [Y/N]... I dont mean to pry but…” Oh god, here we go.

“How are things with you and Jacob.” She asked shyly, shuffling her feet and picking at her fingernails.

I knew this question was coming. I guess it was only fair she wanted to know, but something in my gut told me that it wasn’t just innocent curiosity. I sighed, thinking about my answer for a moment.

“We haven’t spoken since then.” Putting it bluntly seemed like the best idea. I didn’t know if there was a way to sugarcoat it, but I didn’t bother to try anyways. Bella tried and failed, to hide her excitement. I guessed that was the answer she was hoping for. She tried her best to hide the way her back straightened, and her eyes lit up. But as always, Bella was a shit liar.

I gave an awkward smile.

“It’s fine though, I think it’s best to just give him some time before I reach out again.” I ignored the shiver that ran down my spine. I tried to ignore the way that she deflated a little. Maybe she was hoping that I would never speak to him again. She smiled and took one last look at me. Before she politely excused herself. Hopefully to leave my house altogether. As soon as the door was closed, I breathed a sigh of relief. And let myself fall back onto my bed, being careful not to land on my arm this time. I stared at the ceiling. I find myself in this position a lot huh? Whatever. Going back to sleep sounded really good.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was only aware of the events that took place in the next few days secondhand. And surprisingly, I made a new friend.

As usual, the sky was covered in a thick layer of clouds, creating a blanket over the trees. And the air was moist with the promise of rain. I walked briskly, I was completely out of snacks and that would just not fly. What was I supposed to eat? Real food? Absolutely not.

The posters covering the walls of my favorite convenience store brought a smile to my face. The door opened with a loud ding, alerting my presence to the man behind the counter. A sweet old man smiled at me through bushy eyebrows. His big handlebar mustache moved up with his smile.

“Hey, Mr. Barker!” I chirped, making a beeline for the snack aisle. As expected, it was recently stocked, and colorful plastic littered the shelves, drawing me in. What I wasn’t expecting, was Leah Clearwater standing in the middle of the small space. Right in front of my favorite chips. I paused, not wanting to alert her. I didn’t feel like getting on her bad side and getting my head bitten off today. But, as if she could sense me, her head turned quickly. Her beautiful dark hair was cut short, as were her sleeves and shorts. Her russet skin bore the same tattoo Jacob had. I had heard of her shifting recently, and of her father's death. I tried not to let the wave of pity I felt show on my face. I avoided her cold gaze and pretended to check out the other snacks. I would have to wait until she’d moved.

After a few seconds, a hand made its way into my view, holding my favorite kind of chips. I followed the arm upwards until I found the face of the owner. Leah held her hand out, without making eye contact.

“Here, you like these right?” Her voice was assertive like she wasn’t asking me. She was telling me.

I’m sure I looked really confused because my silence made her turn to look at me.

“Pack mind-reading. Jacob doesn’t keep much to himself.” She explained. I grimaced.

I was trying not to think about him. She must have noticed because her lips turned up just slightly.

“He still hasn’t told you huh?” She teased, but I could hear underlying sarcasm in her tone. She sounded upset about it.

“Oh god,” I rolled my eyes, “Not you too.” I groaned.

It took me a second to realize what I had said. And I slapped my hands over my mouth. I snatched the chips out of her hand and started to speed walk out of the aisle. But, to my surprise, Leah laughed. Not like the sarcastic one before, this one sounded genuine. It was a quiet, small laugh.

“I know what you mean kid,” I’m pretty sure I’m older than her. “I felt that way before I joined the pack.” She opened her mouth to say more but stopped herself. She peeked her head around the aisle to look at the old man behind the counter, and the various other shoppers. Mr. Barker was blissfully unaware of us, too occupied with his game of solitaire. She turned back to me and grinned for a split second, it threw me off for a second.

“Do you wanna talk about this at my house?” She gestured behind her with her thumb. Her face was unreadable again.

Oh.

OH.

I felt my heartbeat speed up, just a little. A pretty girl just invited me to her house. What do I do?! I felt my brain moving at lightning speed, trying to come up with a response that didn’t make me sound like a total dork. I prayed that I wasn’t sweating.

“Uh, sure!” I beamed. Nailed it.

She gave a small—noticeably strained— smile, I was sure that she saw through me without any trouble. But to be fair, she’s very intimidating. I mean, she could tear me in half like wet paper—the same went for all of the pack to be honest— and she’d look pretty doing it. I cleared my throat and tucked the chips under my arm. Being careful not to crush them. We went to pay for our stuff quickly, I’m sure the old man could sense my internal panic because he sent me the most heartwarming smile. Stupid old man and his silly mustache. I smiled back of course, before hurrying to meet Leah at the door.

She opened the door, stepping out into the cool air. The rain must have started when I went inside, it wasn’t pouring thankfully. I watched as Leah stepped out into the cold rain with no trouble as if it didn’t even phase her.

I suppressed a gasp as I watched, the water was evaporating as soon as it touched her skin, coming off as mist.

Incredible.

I guess I hadn’t paid much attention to how warm all the members of the pack were. Thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure Jacob did the same thing in the rain. The water had evaporated from his skin as soon as it had touched him. I hadn’t processed it then, with my mind being so preoccupied, I thought I was just seeing things.

I pried my eyes away from Leah. It was rude to stare. But as soon as I did, she laughed quietly to herself, before leading the way to her house. I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought.

The walk to her house was quiet, with nothing but the rain and the sound of cars filling the air. It was hard for me to tell if the silence was awkward or not. I couldn’t see her expression, as she was a few paces in front of me. Damn, she walked fast. She didn’t say anything for the duration of the walk, but thankfully it was short. We made our way up to the front door, she unlocked it quickly. It took a harsh shove for the door to open, it creaked loudly in protest. Leah groaned and held the door open for me. Waving her arm as a gesture for me to go in.

I was getting a lot of deja-vu from when Bella came over. I’m pretty sure I did the same thing. And just like Bella, I sheepishly made my way into the home. Taking in as much as I could, I watched my every step. Leah walked past me, and I followed her instinctively.

She led me to the living room, I repressed a sigh of relief. I didn’t know if I was ready to go into her room. That felt a little too personal. She gestured for me to take a spot on the couch next to her. I carefully sat down, feeling the couch creak a bit. She sighed, before turning to make eye contact with me. I resisted the urge to shy away from her intense gaze.

“So, Jake still hasn’t told you huh?” Leah started, “I guess it makes sense since he’s still got that obsession with the leech-lover.” Her tone was malicious, she didn’t try to hide her disdain for Jacob, and whoever the “leech-lover” was.

“Leech-lover?” I questioned, why would someone like leeches?

She paused and looked back at me. A sense of realization crossed her features, and she grinned.

“Bella, the vampire girl.” She explained. I nodded my head, humming in affirmation. I had almost forgotten about the fact that vampires existed too. And that Bella used to date one.

Wait. Vampires. Does that? Mean what I think?

“Wait, the Cullens were vampires. Did they… eat people?” My voice wavered at the thought, were they responsible for the unexplainable deaths in the area? How many people of Forks had they eaten?

Leah noticed my concern and shook her head.

“No, the Cullens were… vegetarians. They ate animals instead.” She said that like she didn’t believe it, as if it were blasphemy.

“Oh. Okay, that’s a relief.” I sighed, “So there aren’t vampires running ramped through the streets anymore?” I giggled. Leah’s eyes darted away from mine. Oh god.

“Well, not the streets.” She sounded very reluctant to say that. I felt the color drain from my face, my eyes widened, and my breath hitched. There were still vampires? That wasn't the Cullens. They weren’t vegetarian. Leah saw my face and quickly retracted her statement. “No! No! It’s just one and we’ve got her under control.”

“Under control? So what you’ve got her like locked in your basement or something?” I barked out a strained laugh, trying to deflect my anxiety with humor.

“No,” she laughed, before fixing her face to look stoic again. “We’ve managed to chase her off the border, but we can’t figure out what she wants.” So she wasn’t just trying to kill everyone in sight? Good. Great. Cool.

She inhaled and shook her head lightly, “But that’s not what I brought you here for.” She started.

I perked up at this. Finally, I’d get some damn answers. I was confident that Leah wouldn’t be as cryptic as the others. Her blunt nature gave me a sense of security. I knew she would tell me the truth.

“So, did Sam,” she paused at his name, but I didn’t question it. She cleared her throat and continued. “Did Sam ever tell you about imprinting?” She asked.

“Imprinting? Like that thing ducks do to their moms?” What did that have to do with me? The last time I checked they weren’t ducks.

“Sort of. But it’s kind of different in our case. So, well- I… ugh” She stuttered over her words for a moment, “How do I explain this?” She sat there for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Before she inhaled and started again.

“When we imprint, it’s like, the whole world stops. As soon as you set your eyes on your imprint, the world stops rotating for anyone else. They are the only thing that matters, you would do anything, be anything for them. It’s a kind of devotion like no other. And there’s no escaping it.”

She didn’t sound too happy about it, now and then her eyes would narrow. I really wanted to see what was going on in her head.

I was starting to connect the dots in my head, so did this mean Jacob imprinted? On who.

Bella. Of course. Obviously, it was Bella.

I barked a laugh, “Of course.” Leah looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

“Jacob imprinted on Bella!” I could faintly hear her groan, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to care. “He imprinted on Bella, but he’s mad she doesn’t like him back so he ended up taking it out on me! Ugh, it all makes sense now.” The way Bella clearly didn’t want me around Jacob, the way he’d always protect her, the fact that he wouldn’t stop pining over her even though she didn’t want him. Of course, it was so blatantly obvious to me now.

Leah sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose disappointedly. I was taken aback, was that not what happened? I glanced out the window, it was getting late. I sighed and picked up my stuff. I got up to leave but Leah stopped me.

“Hey wait, that’s not what happened.” She started, then who was it?

“Jacob didn’t imprint on Bella, he imprinted on-” She was cut off by a loud BANG.

We both whipped our heads to the door, where a young Seth Clearwater stood panting. He barged in frantically and started to shake Leah.

“Leah! We gotta go one of the Cullens is back and Bella’s gonna go to Italy and get them back and Jakes freaking out and, Oh hi [Y/N],” He stopped for a second to acknowledge my presence, but I was still trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

He opened his mouth to continue, but Leah held up a hand and got up from the couch.

“[Y/N], you go home. I’ll catch up with you later.” She ordered, I didn’t have time to say anything before she and Seth hurried out the back door. I jumped from the couch and watched as they ran into the forest, I could see clothes tearing, and fur sprouting. I marveled at the two new wolves, watching them in awe as they darted into the trees.

I grabbed my stuff and hurried out the front door. The rain wasn’t quite pouring, but it would be a pain to walk in. I hurried down the street, trying to avoid the puddles. They splashed violently against my shins, dampening my pants. I cursed but continued.

It took me a long longer than I liked to make it back to my house. I was regretting not just taking my car, but walking was good for me and I needed to save gas. Courtesy of my mother. I stomped to the front door, my wet shoes making small puddles on the porch. I fumbled with my keys, and hurriedly unlocked the door. The house was dark and noticeably empty. Mom’s car was gone, and all the lights were off.

I flicked on a few lights as I made my way inside, but as I set my keys down my eyes caught something.

A brown leather jacket was hanging on the coat rack, it was way too big to be my mom's. And I knew it wasn’t mine. My heart raced, my eyes widened, and my mouth fell agape. Someone was in my house.

I scanned the area around me before my eyes landed on the hallway closet.

Bat! We had a bat in there just in case, and mom called me paranoid. I opened the door as quietly as I could, grabbing the bat quickly. My cold hands wrapped around the hardwood tightly. My knuckles turned white with the death grip I had on the poor stick. I slowly made my way through the house, turning corners quickly, with the bat raised to swing.

I felt a presence behind me, I was sure whoever it was could hear my heart pounding, and my breath hitching. I felt a large hand touch my shoulder gently.

I whipped around and swung the bat with all my strength. It made a sound CRACK as it met its target.

“Hey! What was that for?” I recognized that voice. I knew that voice so well, it was the voice I was praying to hear for weeks.

“Jacob?!” My hands fumbled for the light switch, I squinted as I turned it on. But I was able to see the boy in front of me now. Lo and behold, Jacob stood in front of me, like a giant brick wall. But he didn’t look like Jacob. His eyes were darker, heavy bags hanging beneath them. His skin was de-saturated, giving him a sickly look. His hair was messy, and his clothes were raggedy. I stepped back a bit.

“Jake, what are you doing here? How did you get in my house?! Why were you just waiting with the lights off?!” This didn’t make any sense, he avoided me for weeks, and then shows up in my house all creepy? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand this boy. I untensed my shoulders, and sighed.

He looked away for a moment, he looked embarrassed. “You weren’t here, and I heard Leah say you were at her house so I thought I’d wait here for you. I didn’t think you’d let me in soaking wet.” Of course, Jacob knew where the spare key was. So he wouldn’t have had any trouble getting in without committing a crime. I sighed and looked him in the eyes.

The air was tense, we both just stood there for an uncomfortable amount of time. Neither of us knew what to say.

“I heard what you and Leah were talking about.” Jacob blurted. It caught me off guard before I remembered about their whole wolf telepathy. I huffed. I had so many things I wanted to say, but putting them into words was impossible. I thought of everything at once, before just meshing them all into one.

“Why?”

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so vague, but Jacob looked at me with a guilty expression. It was clear he understood, he knew exactly what I was asking without me even having to say it. I tried not to let it show, but I was trying not to cry. I thought of everything that happened the past few weeks, it felt like it had been years since I saw Jacob. Really saw him.

Within a month I had lost my best friend, fucked up my arm, had my perception of reality shattered, and now my long lost best friend broke into my house. And I still don’t know who he imprinted on.

I sighed and shook my head. “Why did you cut me off, Jacob? What did I do? Was it something I said? Or did I make you upset? Whatever I did I’m sorry-” I started to ramble, I couldn’t even look at him as I choked the words out of my mouth. I had told myself I was ready for this confrontation, but just thinking about it made my eyes swell with tears. I tried not to let my breath hitch.

Jacob looked guilty again, grimacing and looking down. When he looked back at me, he sighed. He held my face gently and wiped the tears from my eyes.

“[Y/N] I’m sorry please dont cry.” It was clear he didn’t know how to comfort me, but he was trying his best. I pushed his hands away harshly and wiped my face with my sleeves.

“I’m not crying, you’re crying.” I hid my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. I heard him huff and take a step back. When I was ready, I made eye contact again. I didn’t care if I looked like a trainwreck. My hair was frizzy and messy from the rain, my eyes were now puffy from the tears, and I could only assume the bags under my eyes were prominent.

“Well? Are you going to answer?” I demanded, I don’t think it was wrong of me to want some damn answers.

He grimaced, and looked away. His eyebrows furrowed, scrunching together in thought. I watched the way his eyes darted around for a second, I analyzed his every move to try and figure out what would come next. I was waiting for the bad news, for some terrible fate to come crashing down on me. I was waiting for him to look me in the eye and tell me he hated me.

His gaze hardened, and his eyebrows scrunched up. The way they moved seemed harsher this time, more hostile.

“I had no other choice. I won't get you wrapped up in this.” His voice was firm, unwavering. His eyes were dark, completely unreadable. I felt them burn into my skin even as I looked away.

“It’s a little late for that Jake.” I mumbled. His huffed, and I saw his jaw tense. His upper lip curled up slightly, in a menacing snarl.

It was frightening.

I told myself I wasn’t going to be afraid of him. He didn’t hurt me on purpose, I just happened to be standing too close.

But as the boy in front of me shook again, I shook too. My heart pounded against my ribs, I pulled air into my lungs violently. My lungs burned from the force of my breaths. My eyes widened, and I took a tentative step back. I tried my best to hold a tough exterior. But it was obvious how easily Jacob saw through me.

He stopped, and blinked. His cold exterior fell for a second, showing the warm, sweet boy I knew before.

But as soon as it was dropped, he caught himself. I blinked and it was back, sending a shiver down my spine. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a few seconds.

He let out a long exhale, and opened his eyes again. His calm and cool mask was back, no doubt hiding the anger I knew he was feeling.

But he deserved to be upset, after all that transpired. I failed to see where I could have possibly been wrong. What I could have possibly done to piss him off this much.

“I came to say goodbye.” He spoke, his voice didn’t waver for a second. His eyes didn’t move from mine, his unrelenting gaze intimidated me.

“What? Wait why are you leaving?” I asked, I didn’t try to hide my emotions this time. I was baffled, he’s leaving again?

“I just… have to. I’m sorry but this is the way it has to be.” My fat fucking ass it is.

“No it’s not, Jacob stop trying to run away from your problems!” I shouted, “What did I do to you? Why are you doing this to me?” I was frantic now, raising my voice at him.

“Goodbye.” He gave a curt nod, and turned around, making his way to the front door. I tried to grab at his shoulder to stop him but it was no use. He pushed forward, completely unaffected by my feeble attempts to hold him back.

He didn’t so much as glance at me as he opened the door, it gave a loud creek in response to being ripped open so suddenly.

I watched as he walked down the front steps of my porch, into the pouring rain.

I was vividly reminded of the first time he did this to me.

The first time Jacob had ripped my heart out of my chest, crushing it beneath his big stupid feet.

I stood in silence.

Not this time. I wouldn’t chase after him this time.

#jacob black #the twilight saga #angst no comfort #jacob black x reader #bisexual panic #mommy issues #jake is being an ass #originally posted on ao3

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self-indulgent-paw-patrol · 6 months ago

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Do you think Ryder, Katie, or Danny go to school? Ryder is a kid genius so he may have graduated early, but what about Katie and Danny? We never see either of them go to school and Katie has a job at the pet parlor and maybe owns it? It's never made clear, also does Ryder have a driver's license? I mean, he drives his ATV everywhere, do you think he ever got pulled over? I mean, if I was a cop and saw a 10 year old riding an ATV, I'd pull them over. I feel like that's something that definitely would've happened at least once in Adventure City

Yeah as far as I know, Katie owns the pet parlor. Don't ask me HOW. It could be any reason 😅

They literally applied Pokémon logic in this show just because yes XD We don't see the "older" kids going to school, which makes me believe that. From what I've seen in Pokémon throughout these last two decades and a bit more, the kids can "pause/stop" school at 10 and do whatever they want to. Some will go live their adventures out, some will help their parents at work, some will start up their own little businesses... And some will keep studying, or go back to studying a few years later, usually the ones who decide on a regular job that doesn't involve being an entrepreneur, like becoming a professor, a cop, a doctor, etc.

This same logic can be applied to the Paw Patrol franchise. Ryder might even have graduated earlier, but he totally does NOT go to school anymore. Neither does Katie, nor Danny, while we see Alex and other small kids in town going. They're considerably younger.

As for the driver license... YEAH MY DAD ASKED ME THAT TOO XDDD I believe he's got it and got it for his pups too, even though he gives them their vehicles BEFORE doing so... Yeah, I'm looking at you, Everest, Tracker, Liberty... XDD

I had a similar thought once. Ryder usually drives along with his pups to go attend to the emergency calls, right? If he ever gets pulled over, the pup(s) in question would stop too and he would be like "No, you keep going, YOU GOT THE EMERGENCY VEHICLES, I'll catch up later" - like, at least Chase and Marshall CANNOT BE STOPPED EVER. Their vehicles are road authority itself. You do not stop an Ambulance, a Fire Truck, or a Police Cruiser. YOU OPEN WAY FOR THEM, NO MATTER HOW, especially if they got their sirens on, which they do nearly all the time they're on the move!

We can't say the same about a kid driving an ATV, which is not characterized as a Search & Rescue vehicle, despite sporting the Paw Patrol badge on it. That wouldn't do shit if the cop who stopped him hasn't ever heard about the Paw Patrol before XD

#cottoncandyswirl828 #My phone keyboard memorized your URL already LMFAOOOO #Thanks for the ask!!#Paw Patrol #Ryder #Paw Patrol Ryder #Paw Patrol Headcanons

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ragsy · 4 months ago

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Heeheehoohoo what if I said you should do the whole thing for dogmark now

scoundrel. SCOUNDREL.

are they associated with a certain color? what color do they wear the most?

Muted, grayish blues; midtone grays; blood red.

what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?

He never really grew a music taste of his very own, most of his music listening is either a) the radio (so… whatever the hell anyone broadcasts on the radio anymore) or b) the music of whoever he's spending time with. He's more partial to a rock sound palette than anything else, but if someone decides to put on folk or pop or nightcore he's not going to complain

weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?

Teeth and claws. He hates that he has to use them, but they have saved his life on multiple occasions. Also, recently, he's been coming around to enjoying using them.

The rest under the cut 👇

how crafty/resourceful are they?

More than fairly! He has a solid foundation of camping/survival skills, and he liked to tinker a lot when he had the means to do so. Nothing super ambitious, but he can fix a leaky faucet or replace a headlight bulb for you.

how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?

Outdoorsy and practical. Layers. Cotton tees, flannel shirts, denim jacket, jeans or canvas cargo pants, beanies. Almost all of his clothes are thrifted and/or a little threadbare, but he doesn't have a lot of money and he has even less space to store more than what he needs, so it is what it is.

He's mostly given up on owning a decent pair of shoes because whatever he buys, no matter how well they fit him, will just fall right off when he shifts into dog mode, and then he either has to carry them until he puts on human mode again, or he has to just leave them.

how do they wear their hair? do they care a lot how their hair looks?

Short and a little messy, but he rotates between that and way overgrown on a roughly one-year cycle. He doesn't take very good care of it when it's long, so it gets full of tangles and snarls that mean it just needs to be cut short again and start over.

favorite animal? why?

before his curse, he was really fond of dogs, but now, in his dogman world, he hates admitting that fact. "God, yeah, what the fuck am I supposed to say? I'm a dog person? Fuck. Christ. Yeah. I fucking am. Goddammit."

do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?

Mark is technically a nickname since his full name is Marcus, but a lot of people just call him Dogmark. Or Dogboy. Or Paw Patrol. He prefers to be called Mark. (but if you want to see him audibly gag, call him Mr. Heckin' Pupper out loud)

favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

His curse changed his taste palette significantly; the only things he can really stomach anymore are meat and bones. Doesn't have to be raw, he can do cooked! And it's not like he can't eat anything else, it just makes him feel like garbage afterwards. And it's not like he ate a lot of vegetables before his curse, but like, it's the principle of the matter, you know? Anyway, he's broke as hell and roadkill is free as long as no one sees him dragging it away, so,

if they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favorite gem?

Never been a jewelry wearer! He was raised in a household that really valued traditional white masculinity, and even once he'd left that environment, he was never really interested in wearing anything shiny. gold would look good on him though.

what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

he's way more like me that i am comfortable admitting, lmao. he's kinda like. if i had no introspective skills, no support network, and was just generally way more anxious/depressed. i don't think we would get along; we would get frustrated with each other VERY quickly

how long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

i have had him as a character for an OBSCENELY long time, lmao. my earliest drawing of him (or at least. recognizably as him) dates back to 2009, but i was roleplaying him through at least 2008, or maybe even 2007.

i've always pictured him as having a mid-to-late December birthday, but beyond that, i dunno. not sure on the year either, he's kinda perpetually in his late 20s/early 30s, no matter what iteration i'm on with him. he's neutral on birthdays; there's never anything in particular that he wants to do for his birthday, but if someone wants to treat him, he won't say no.

what languages do they speak? how fluently?

fluent in english and can understand dog body language, but as he's only half dog, he can't perform the dog body language very well (two legs, no tail, extremely self conscious). they can't undersand his fucking accent

are they any good with numbers?

terrible with them. absolutely dogshit. might be dyscalculic.

how big or small is their family? who did they live with growing up? do they live with anyone now?

medium sized, i'd say. he grew up with his mom, dad, and older brother. he had a couple aunts and uncles on each side, with a medium handful of cousins that he sorta knew, and a further extended family that he maybe met once or twice at the odd family reunion, wedding, or funeral. "right now" is kinda vague canon-wise, but in the motw verse i'm using him in at the moment, he lives alone in a busted up camper fairly close to the taxidermy shop where he works. he's never too far from friends there, though.

do they have any pets? what do they call their pets?

he has no formal pets right now, but there's a stray cat that wanders by the camper every once in awhile who he'll feed meat scraps to. he's given it a name, but it's a dorky anime reference that if anyone found out he would die on the spot.

how did they spend their summers/free time as a child?

he went camping a lot! he grew up in the suburbs, but he really really really loved being outdoors. all well and good, until one of his uncles decided what he REALLY needed was to go hunting. let's hand this scrawny, anxious twelve year old a rifle, he said. that can only go well, he said--

their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

lying and stealing? they happen. sucks that they have to, but they do. killing? he will avoid that question like his life depends on it.

are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

he's nearly always a single straw away from total emotional overwhelm, and sometimes anger is what comes out. shivering, seething, tooth-baring anger that can easily erupt into rage if left unchecked. it's one of the things he hates the most about himself.

if applicable, can they drive? if they have their own, what color is their vehicle? is the inside neat and tidy, or a mess?

he's actually a pretty sharp driver; one of those people that just inexplicably have really good awareness of exactly where the edges of the car are at all times. you should see him parallel park sometime.

he used to own a car before he lost everything to his ex; he doesn't miss that car very much though, it was a piece of a shit. a desert mica 1999 honda civic with a broken tape deck and a door handle that fell off every time he locked it. the inside was usually strewn with junk mail and receipts, but otherwise pretty clean.

their favorite place to be?

ideally? surrounded by friends, being held by a lover. right now? by a campfire, listening to the crickets.

do they sleep well at night?

absolutely not. he's a light sleeper, and he's often kept up with racing thoughts and bad dreams. pre-curse, he was absolutely that roommate who you would find at 2am sitting in the dark eating a bowl of cereal to calm his nerves.

how would you describe their voice? can they sing?

his voice is actually somewhat soft and flat, but he stops and starts a LOT and uses a TON of filler words. he's never quite sure of or confident in what he's saying.

i think he would have a very pretty singing voice if he trained it a little bit, but he is WAY too scared of being seen singing. though, he's been known to hum softly to himself when working with his hands.

do they have any creative hobbies? (art, writing, music, etc)

he took piano lessons when he was younger, which he mostly regrets giving up on. beyond that, he's never really been a creative type! he's more drawn towards practical skills like fixing things and surviving.

how good/bad is their hearing? what about their eyesight?

his hearing is GREAT now that he has dog ears, and it drives him fucking nuts. all these higher frequencies he used to be blissfully unaware of that now he has to hear all the fucking time from every piece of human-made equipment ever. his eyesight is okay; it kinda sucks in human mode, but he's been a glasses wearer for most of his life. it's good enough in dog mode that he doesn't need the glasses, but dog mode gives him the gift of dog levels of colorblindness instead. sort of a decent trade off.

how do they move? are they clumsy? light on their feet? do they use mobility aids?

he moves like a deer that's being stalked by predators. sure-footed and tense, ready to sprint away and crash face first into a fence post at a moment's notice.

if applicable, do they have a favorite sport? do they play any sports or prefer to watch?

a youth spent pretending to enjoy the baseball and hockey games his dad dragged him to has left him completely unable to even consider sports as an enjoyable pastime for literally anyone. sometimes, though, he fantasizes about beating an olympic sprinter in a foot race when he runs on all fours in dog mode.

how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

he's not really sure how to show that he cares about someone. the best he can do is show that he trusts them, which is letting himself be vulnerable around them. if he falls asleep on your couch, you know he really really likes you. if he dislikes someone, he'll pretty just flat block them out. blunt, one-word responses, no engagement, as little acknowledgement as he can manage. this can be bypassed if he doesn't like them AND he's scared of them though, because his fawn response will kick in instead.

are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

earth. a footprint in the mud, a rocky overlook, campfire embers smothered with dirt.

do they smell like anything notable?

pine needles, wood smoke, bug spray, sweat, and a distinct undertone of wet dog.

do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift?

he hates receiving physical gifts, he does NOT know what to do or how to respond. if someone wants to give him something, the best way to go about doing it is either leaving it at his doorstep and hiding in the bushes OR handing it to him, saying "here, thought you might find this useful" and then walking away without another word.

his ideal gift would be something he currently needs or uses, but like. a nicer version of it. a jacket without holes, a multitool, a sturdier backpack. giving gifts is a little harder-- he gets stressed out about whether or not the person receiving it will even like it after he put so much time/effort/money into acquiring it. he'd much rather just do them a favor.

do they have any habits that aren't particularly self-destructive, just maybe odd?

he's generally very fidgety, always readjusting his posture or wringing his hands or rubbing his arms. most of his shirts have a hole on the sleeve in the exact same spot where he picks at the fabric with his nails.

if applicable, how would your other characters describe them? i mean specifically the people around them.

Kenny: "You know, I don't really know! He seems like a fairly private person, I hate to pry. I caught him laughing at one of my jokes once and when he noticed, he blushed so hard I thought he was asphyxiating!"

Sloane: "He's kind of a dumbass. Don't ever let him fire a gun."

how would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are.

"God. Fuck, I don't know, can you-… um. Can you ask someone else?"

do they ever return home?

no, but he doesn't particularly want to. maybe his brother would understand what's going on with him, but his parents would only ask the wrong questions.

#ragsycon exclusive #entropyking #ask meme #oc dogmark

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nonverbalturtlepower · 1 year ago

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TMNT Headcanon time (2012) ☺️

Parts might or might not be projection lol.

Mikey: Autistic and ADHD. Stims constantly. Always moving. Rocking, flapping, wiggling his fingers and toes, chewing on things, food. Hoards thing he loves and nests. Trans, genderqueer trans boy, (oriented?) aroace, complicated relationship with gender and orientation. Part time mobility aid user (I have seen this boy hit so many walls and I'm only ten episodes in. He has to have chronic pain 😅 also what kind of effects could the mutagen have? Getting turned from a turtle to a turtle person has to have lasting effects lol. He sometimes uses his forearm crutches on patrol and always wears afos but his other mobility aids are mostly for at home use. CVI (this is projection but I am blind and i'm rubbing my grubby disabled paws all over this character lol. And I always see blind Leo. So my headcanon is blind Mikey. Because mutagen). He has trouble with his brain processing what he is looking at. He has trouble with depth perception, identifying objects (especially unfamiliar ones), takes him time to id objects, clumsy because his lower visual field isn't great, trips over things on the floor and runs into walls because he can't see them, but he's really good at compensating for it so sometimes he even forgets he's blind. Uses a white cane sometimes, mostly in new places (it's a super cool folding one Donnie made him in his favorite colors). Mikey loves bright colors because they are easier for him to see. (he's not totally blind. And his vision fluctuates depending on a number of factors).

Apraxic. Situationally mute. Mostly nonverbal, makes a lot of noises but doesn't really have understandable self generated speech anymore. Can repeat things he's heard before but it's not 100% under his control. Every so often he can ramble like he used to, but he has to be not stressed and comfortable. Aphasia. Sometimes wrong words come out if he can talk or they come out wrong (wrong order, slurred, gibberish). Closest thing to words that come out of his mouth are sounds that sound like words to people who know him.

Multimodel communicator. He has a speech generating device that Donnie built him and it sounds like his body voice or he can choose what it sounds like. Has a fuck ton of different apps and vocabularies. He really likes PODD and LAMP because of how they are arranged. He also has low tech AAC (his favorite is his custom one page opening PODD book that Donnie somehow made bullet proof??? and totally waterproof. Mikey doesn't get how it works but he's glad it does because he has dropped it in some gross stuff 😅 but he can just rinse it off and go about his day. Fucker has literally used it as a shield against the Kraang's blaster fire, not a dent to be seen. All the turtles know the signals Leo uses during patrols but they also use a ASL modified for their three fingers. And he loves picture cards. He'll be hanging out with his brothers and just hand one of them a no card to be obstinant. His fuck you (playful) card is his second favorite. His picture cards stay at home because they are easy to lose because small and hard to transport because it's several thousand 1.5 in square cards with velcro on the backs. He does have a small binder with a few in it for patrols, just in case.

Dyslexic and has a hard time reading print between that and his vision. Needs enlarged print, a magnifier, or braille for reading.

He has some sort of hearing impairment /might be deaf but he doesn't know what's going on exactly. He just knows he has a hard time understanding speech especially if there is a lot of background noise. And he can't hear well while he is actively focused on seeing (CVI).

More about gender. He's a trans boy bu he's also a demigirl. He's bigender. But he prefers masc pronouns. Or neopronouns.

He loves food. And he's also kind of a walking hazard to himself (clumsy much) so his brothers prefer he be supervised while cooking.

He's 5" even and the shortest of all of them.

He sticker bombs everything he can get his chronically grubby little hands on.

Chronic migraines and photosensitivity. He has a special mask ge keeps on him that doesn't have eye holes and is made out of light blocking materials so if he gets overwhelmed by the light he can just put it on and rely on his other senses. His ability to fight without thinking really comes in handy for this.

He is really fast with his forearm crutches because they make him more stable.

Oops all Mikey 😅

I'll make another post for Donnie I guess.

#long post #tmnt headcanons #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2012 headcanon #tmnt mikey

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marshallfan99 · 1 year ago

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Happy 10th Anniversary, PAW Patrol!!!

Wow, I can't believe it's already been 10 years...it feels like it was just recently that I was sitting there in the living room of my family's vacation rental home in front of the TV and watching the premiere episode with my brothers...and then spending the rest of the week in front of the TV watching new episodes every day because I couldn't do anything else with a giant cast on my dominant arm. Marshall and the other pups kept me occupied during that otherwise painful vacation, and I've stuck with PAW Patrol ever since.

(That's only ONE of the MANY Marshall moments that cheered me up and made me laugh during that week.)

(And here's another one...also relatable since I'm always falling down stairs and stuff 😅)

This show has helped me through so many tough times in my life, like depression, anxiety, etc. It acts as a great escape from reality, an amazing source of comfort, something that's easy to just turn on and watch when I need to unwind or want something I can have lighthearted fun with, it's easy to just turn it on after meltdowns or when my brain is fried and veg out to it since it's harmless fun that doesn't cause intense emotional responses from me, and I even binge it during nights where I have insomnia! It's so important to me, and it even saved my life a couple times...yep, that's right, the pups have saved me too, that's how much of an impact they've had on me. They've taught me so many things as well, from the importance of teamwork, to never giving up when things get "ruff" (hehe, sorry I had to, that's my inner Marshall at work 😅), to always looking out for your friends and helping them whenever you can, to "Do my best, and forget the rest!", to the very important message of you don't have to have superpowers to be a hero (this one was WAY before Mighty Pups was a thing).

(Seriously this is one of my mottos, thanks for that lesson, Marshall!)

(Had to put a Mighty Pups GIF in here after ending the paragraph by mentioning it lol)

I never stopped liking PAW Patrol even during the time I had to take a break from it for my mental health reasons, and I actually missed it so much during my time away from it. Eventually I decided I couldn't stay away any longer and came back to it with the goal of using it to help me overcome my severe PTSD siren phobia, which is why I had to step away in the first place...and it's working! I can actually watch it now without freaking out and going into panic mode which is great because now I can watch my favorite show with no problems, just like I used to!

When PAW Patrol premiered back in 2013, it VERY quickly became a special interest for me even though I was NEVER in the target age range for it, being in my early teens when it premiered, and I'm also actually afraid of dogs in real life...cartoon dogs like the PAW Patrol pups are cool though, and Marshall is my favorite cartoon dog of all time, and he's actually tied with a Pokemon (another special interest of mine) character for my number one favorite fictional character of all time! He's so relatable, adorable, funny, and has a truly PAWsome personality! Also the fact that he is TWO THIRDS of 911, BY HIMSELF is pretty amazing too in my opinion. Unfortunately his skills aren't needed much anymore in the newer seasons, which makes me kinda sad. I wish he got more screentime in the newer seasons...but instead it's always Chase and Skye now. I am still hoping for him to get his own focus movie though. I'm holding myself back from going on and on about Marshall this time, I've done that enough in my Marshall appreciation post and this whole account already and this is supposed to be about PAW Patrol as a whole anyway, not just him 😅

(The most PAWsome team ever!)

My parents don't really approve of me getting and playing with the toys and merch, but I can still get it thanks to my grandma who knows how important PAW Patrol is to me...in fact, I just got a couple of Mighty Pups t-shirts (because of the upcoming Mighty Movie) thanks to her, one of them featuring a huge image of Mighty Marshall (of course, that one is my favorite), the other one featuring an image of Mighty Chase, Marshall, Rubble, and Skye with the text, "Mighty Pup Power!" I was so thrilled to learn that there are officially licensed PAW Patrol shirts in adult sizes and had to get some! If anyone else wants to get some PAW Patrol shirts in your size, Amazon has plenty of adult-sized PAW Patrol shirts to choose from, with some PAWsome designs too! I'm so happy that the creators know that this show has a strong teen/adult fanbase, and acknowledge us by making shirts that fit us! And I'm so happy that this show exists!

(This is my favorite part of the opening theme!)

(Cute dancing pups from the movie!)

This has been a long rambly post, but I really wanted to post something for PAW Patrol's 10th anniversary, and talk about how much it means to me. Growing up autistic and with no friends, just bullies for the majority of my life because of it, made me turn to the TV for comfort, and I often saw the characters on TV shows I watched as my friends. I had a very lonely life and when PAW Patrol premiered, I found seven new friends in the pups and Ryder (with Marshall being my best friend), and I tuned in for every new episode when I could, to watch their latest adventures. Starting with Everest, each time a new pup (or cat) has been added to the team has felt to me like I also gained a new friend as well, even though I do have actual friends now, the PAW Patrol still feel like friends to me. It wasn't a "phase" like my parents had always said, it still isn't a "phase"...it's a HUGE part of my life and I'm extremely grateful that PAW Patrol is still going strong even after 10 years and 10 seasons.

Happy 10th, PAW Patrol! And here's to many more years and adventures to come in the future!

#paw patrol #paw patrol 10th anniversary #happy 10th paw patrol!#seriously i can't believe it's already been 10 years!#special interest #long post #plenty of gifs to break it up though #paw patrol appreciation post #i love this show so much #this franchise means a lot to me #marshall talks #marshall rambles...a lot 😅

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talonslockau · 1 year ago

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Fire and Ice - Chapter 27

Chapter 26 || Index || Chapter 28

Even though it was still a while until sunhigh, the heat of the sun was beating down as the camp bustled with activity. The arrival of greenleaf could not halt the preparation for Shadowclan's next attack; all cats, from the apprentices to the elders, had to work through the heat to make sure the camp was ready for any assault.

From where Firepaw was reinforcing the camp walls, he could see much of the camp as he was working. The queens were busy adding to the nursery, making sure the exterior was nigh-impenetrable. The elders were digging out a second freshkill store, while a newly-returned hunting patrol filed past with the first additions to it. No paw was left without a task under Bluestar's orders.

He watched as Dewpaw and Spottedleaf trotted past with mouthfuls of yellow flowers. The little silver molly had been growing ever anxious as greenleaf set upon them. They had all survived and thrived through their first season of training; under the warrior code, she could become a healer apprentice at any time. Spottedleaf hadn't yet asked Dewpaw to become her pupil, but the apprentice seemed to think it was only a matter of time.

Even Yellowfang was helping out, he thought with a touch of pride as she followed the other two healers. She might not be a Thunderclan cat, but now that her leg was better, she was doing all she could to help out around camp. She didn't go far from camp, though he didn't know whether that was due to her leg or fear of Brokenstar, but there was still plenty to do nearby.

The only rest any cat got was while sitting guard for the rest of camp. Firepaw couldn't help but feel a touch of envy as he watched Tigerclaw, Darkstripe, Dustleap and Longtail lounging close by, sharing tongues as they looked out upon the busy camp. As he wove fresh bramble into the camp wall, he inched close enough to hear what they were talking about.

"What I want to know is, how did Shadowclan know where our camp was?" Longtail growled, the black fur along his spine bristling. "Yellowfang's leg prevented her from leaving, and the elders are holed up in Tallpines. There's no way either could have communicated to Shadowclan where our camp is, and they couldn't have attacked so swiftly without that knowledge."

Darkstripe glanced at Tigerclaw, the two communicating something unspoken before looking back to Longtail. "Strange, isn't it?" He commented idly. "It certainly seemed like Shadowclan knew where our camp was. Like someone told them."

"You mean we have a traitor?" Dustleap snarled, claws digging into the ground below him. "But who would betray their own Clan like that?" He looked around to spy Firepaw, his eyes narrowing as he caught sight of the apprentice's ginger fur. "Unless you mean…"

"I would never betray the Clan!" Firepaw spat furiously, abandoning the bramble to defend himself. "Clawface nearly killed me because I defended Sandstorm! Doesn't seem like the sort of thing a traitor would do, does it?"

"You're the only outsider with knowledge of our camp." The tabby tom snarled back as he stood up, tail lashing as though itching for a fight. "And you'd been meeting with the Shadowclan elders for a moon without supervision. Not to mention you were being punished. You'd certainly have the means and the motive…"

"I was on punishment duty for attacking them!" He could scarcely believe what he was hearing. "Why would I turn around and help them? Especially when they see me as a lazy kittypet, just like you do!"

"Maybe you were hoping to get rid of them so you wouldn't have to take care of them anymore." Dustleap argued smugly as he advanced closer.

Did Dustleap really believe what he was saying? Firepaw found it hard to believe that anyone could make such illogical leaps to accuse him of such a heinous crime, yet here they were, nearly nose to nose. "If I was hoping to get rid of them, wouldn't I have told Shadowclan they were at Tallpines?" He hissed back furiously, his own ginger pelt bristling as he snarled in the other tom's face.

The brown tabby looked about to argue further when Tigerclaw interrupted them. "Stand down, Dustleap. I believe Firepaw."

Both toms gaped at the senior warrior. Had he heard right? Had the giant tabby actually defended him? "But he's the only one that could do it!" Dustleap protested. "He's an outsider! A kittypet, no less! You told me yourself that their kind know nothing of loyalty!"

The older warrior paused before dipping his head in acknowledgement to his son. "That I did." He admitted. "But Firepaw has earned my trust. He is not a mere kittypet."

"I have?" The ginger tom tried not to sound as surprised as he felt when he spoke. "I- er- Thank you, Tigerclaw."

The youngest warrior looked between the two, clearly as shocked as Firepaw himself. "But if he isn't the traitor, then who else could it be? No Thunderclan warrior would willingly betray their own!"

Tigerclaw sighed heavily as he gazed across camp. "Willingly may be the key word there." He rumbled mournfully.

Every cat's ears perked at his words. "What do you mean? Are you saying you know who betrayed us?" Longtail asked, tilting his head to one side as he regarded the mighty warrior. "Why haven't you told Bluestar?"

Dustleap's father shook his head slowly. "Because I do not know with absolute certainty." He replied steadily, despite the sadness tinging his words. "And because I hope I'm wrong."

"What do you mean?" His son pressed eagerly, his quarrel with Firepaw forgotten at the thought of a new target. "Who is it?"

Tigerclaw was silent for a long while as he gazed into nothingness, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. At last, it was Darkstripe who spoke. "Ravenpaw has been speaking with a strange cat in the forest."

They all stared at the sleek tom as his words sank in. "No!" Firepaw gasped as he realized what Ravenpaw's mentor was implying. "You can't mean that!"

Darkstripe tilted his head in confusion. "Why not, Firepaw? You were the one who told us in the first place." He pointed out, eyes narrow. "Are you saying that you lied?"

"I-" He paused, his mind reeling as he tried to figure out how to explain what he had seen. "Everything I told you was true. But it wasn't a Shadowclanner!"

Tigerclaw finally seemed to return to reality as Firepaw spoke. "But you never caught a scent, did you not?" He asked quietly. "And you didn't know who the cat was then. Are you saying you know who it is now?"

He hesitated at that. "I- no." He admitted. He hadn't seen the mysterious calico since that day with Ravenpaw. "But I didn't see them in the battle patrol! And Ravenpaw would never betray Thunderclan!"

Tigerclaw shook his head again with a heavy sigh. "Battles can be quite chaotic. You may have simply missed them." He glanced around camp for his youngest son, but he wasn't visible from where they were sitting. "You told us that the cat was pressuring Ravenpaw, did you not? He's always had a weak heart… While I want to believe my own son could withstand it, I have to protect my Clan at any cost. Surely you understand that."

That was a lie.

It was then that everything fell into place for Firepaw. Tigerclaw didn't want to believe in his own son. Or, more importantly, he didn't want anyone to believe his son. His behavior had seemed strange at the Gathering, but Ravenpaw's had been strange ever since Firepaw had met him- even Graypaw had said as much. He hadn't been the same since the day Firepaw had joined; the day of the battle for Sunningrocks, really.

And in telling Tigerclaw about the stranger, he had given him precisely what he needed to discredit Ravenpaw as a traitor to the rest of the Clan.

"I… I guess I do." He finally mumbled, realizing the others were still staring at him.

"I know it must be hard to see your own denmate as a potential traitor. It's almost impossible for me." Tigerclaw closed his eyes in grief, but Firepaw didn't miss the flash of suspicion before they did. He had no doubt the other tom sensed his manipulation of the newest Clan member had been just a little too easy. "That is why I haven't told Bluestar yet. I must be absolutely sure he cannot yet be saved."

"I hope he can." Firepaw's stomach turned at the thought of agreeing, yet he had to play along. "I-I should get back to repairing the camp walls."

"Yes, of course. We must be prepared." Tigerclaw opened an eye to watch as he scuttled away across camp. Firepaw's fur crawled as he left, but he knew he couldn't wait any longer. Ravenpaw was in danger because of him, and he had to make it right however he could.

And that started with the oldest apprentice himself.

He found the skinny black tom working on a hole behind the nursery, carefully weaving in additional ferns and brambles to fortify it. "Ravenpaw." He greeted, only to watch with a mixture of regret and sorrow as the other apprentice jumped into the air in surprise. "I need you to help me collect more bracken for the wall."

"Uhm." Ravenpaw glanced around, his white tail tip flicking uneasily as he realized they were alone. "Why- are you sure? Perhaps- I don’t- maybe Graypaw could help you instead? I'm kind of busy." He gestured to the hole he was working on, which was still large enough for the two apprentices to fit through.

"I'm sure. Let's go through this hole." Firepaw flicked his tail for Ravenpaw to follow as he slipped through. For a moment, he thought the other apprentice would ignore him, but after a moment he heard the rustling of ferns and a black figure emerged.

"C'mon. There should be a good spot up here." Firepaw picked his way up the shallow ravine walls, Ravenpaw quickly scrambling after him. Each paw step made his heart ache with shame. If only he'd realized sooner…

"This isn't about bracken, is it?" The other tom spoke as the hubbub of camp died away. "You could've just taken some of mine."

"Yea. It's not." He spun around to the oldest apprentice's worried gaze with his own. "I need you to tell me the truth, Ravenpaw."

Ravenpaw hesitated, but he could see the panic flash through the black tom's eyes. "You- I don't know what you're talking about." He mumbled, looking away from Firepaw's intense green gaze.

"Yes, you do." He pressed as gently as he could. "Why is your father calling you a traitor?"

"What?" His dark fur bristled in shock. "That can't be true!"

"He was talking about it with Darkstripe, Longtail, and Dustleap." The ginger tom decided to leave out his own involvement for the time being; it would only make the other more withdrawn if he knew the extent of Firepaw's involvement. "It has something to do with that day at Sunningrocks, doesn't it? You saw something you shouldn't have."

Ravenpaw was silent for a long time, and for a moment he thought the other tom might have clammed up entirely. Just as he was about to prod him further, the dark apprentice looked up, his eyes filled with a fire he hadn't seen before. "You're right. I did." He admitted, his voice clear and unwavering. "I saw Tigerclaw kill Redtail."

Even though he had expected something big - some reason for Tigerclaw to lie - he couldn't have possibly expected this. "He what?" Firepaw asked dimly, even though he had heard the first time.

"I saw Tigerclaw kill Redtail." Ravenpaw repeated, his voice even stronger this time. "I was going to tell the Clan when I fainted. And when I came to, Tigerclaw had already lied and said Oakheart had killed him so- I just stayed quiet instead."

His mind reeled at the revelation. The Clan had been furious at Riverclan for the death of Redtail. What would they do if they knew the deputy's murderer skulked about their camp? "And Tigerclaw didn't know you remembered what happened until the Gathering." He realized slowly.

"He threatened me after the Gathering and told me if I didn't keep it to myself, he'd kill me too." Ravenpaw laughed hollowly. "But he was never going to let me stay, was he? I'm too much of a threat. Just like the elders and Brokenstar."

The ginger tom nodded. It made sense - in an awful, twisted sort of way. "So he's trying to discredit you so no one will realize the truth. To me, the other apprentices, the rest of the Clan…" If he told Bluestar, would she believe him? Would she believe Tigerclaw's lies? He didn't know. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"But it's not like I've done anything wrong. The worst he can do is make vague threats and suggestions." Ravenpaw snorted defiantly. "Even if his posse believes him, the rest of the Clan won't."

Firepaw winced at that. "Actually…"

The other tom paused, his ears swiveling and anxiety pouring back into his eyes. "I've done nothing! If he makes up lies, I can prove him wrong." His voice was desperate now, almost pleading to be right.

"I'm sorry, Ravenpaw." He couldn't hold it back any longer. "I told him about your meeting with the calico. But I didn't know! I swear if I'd known I would never have told anyone!"

There was silence for what seemed like an eternity as the oldest apprentice looked at him, emotions swirling in his eyes. "The calico?" He asked finally.

"From that morning in the woods. I thought they were threatening you- that they could do something about it-" His words, excuses really, tumbled out of his mouth faster than he could think. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I wish I could take it back!"

Ravenpaw studied him for another impossible eternity. "You mean you can see him too?"

Firepaw blinked in confusion. "Of course I can." He responded. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because he- he's…" The black tom trailed off and looked past the other apprentice, his eyes focusing on something past him. As he turned around to see what Ravenpaw was looking at, his heart skipped a beat when he caught sight of another figure.

It was the mysterious calico from before. Now that Firepaw was up close, he could see every detail; the tom's bright yellow eyes, like twin suns, watched him stoically. His fur was fluffy, helping the blacks and reds and browns to blend smoothly together. But his most prominent feature was his tail, bright ginger like a fox's.

Now he understood Ravenpaw's question. Why would he be seeing the cat standing in front of him, when Redtail was supposed to be dead?

#talonslock #warrior cats #wc #fanfic #the prophecies begin #talonslock story #fire and ice #thunderclan #firepaw #dewpaw #spottedleaf #yellowfang #tigerclaw #darkstripe #dustleap #longtail #ravenpaw #redtail

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faytelumos · 1 year ago

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A Good Girl's Eulogy

cw: real death; animal and human death mentions

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On August 28th last year, some time around 5pm, my family's 18 year old chow/shepherd mix took her last breath.

When we first got her, she fit comfortably in my mom's hands. She was the runt, and mom had picked her out for that fact. The runt of the litter doesn't always get adopted, she said. While us kids and Dad were at home, fawning over our new baby, Mom went to get bowls, food, and toys. Us kids went to bed and Dad watched the puppy, the gears in his mechanic's brain working, and when Mom got back, he looked up to her, our new family member in his lap.

"We have two choices for her name. Diesel, or International."

Diesel was smart, and maybe all dog owners think theirs is unusually intelligent, but our girl was clever.

By the time Diesel was a "teenager" she knew we didn't like her out of the yard alone. She belonged in the back yard when there wasn't anyone around to watch over her, since the front yard was completely unfenced and open to the neighborhood. Every day, when Mom got up, she would let Diesel into the back yard to do her business, and ten or so minutes later, would call Diesel back into the house for breakfast. Every single day, this was the pattern. And one day, Mom strayed from that pattern to look out into the front yard.

And there was Diesel, casually patrolling the front yard, unattended.

Shocked, Mom had headed to the back yard, but by the time she got around the side of the house, Diesel, too, was in the back yard.

We learned that day that she had found a hole in the fence, and more than likely was taking daily constitutionals into the front yard, perhaps to check up on things or watch birds, before returning to the back yard to be collected for breakfast. If she ever had any more sneaky escapades or excursions, we never caught her.

We adopted other dogs, who became Diesel's companions and fellow family members in her adulthood. A stocky little thing that had been surrendered to us from another family (we gave him a Nicholas name after a US president) a tiny pup we had gotten from a local breeder (who we also gave an automotive name) and another tiny breed who we adopted from a home that couldn't care for him anymore (named after a color).

Diesel was always the biggest by far, tall and strong. She was dominant in personality and in charge, and she often led the others around the yard here and there to anything that was interesting or required attention.

She didn't need a leash if a human was with her. She started one-sided fights with President, chased rabbits and birds, always came when she was called, knew how to shake hands, and you could pat your chest to get her to jump up, put her paws on you, and gives kisses.

She deserved more love than we gave her.

Dad played fetch with her, took her for rides in the truck, and called her his good dog. He was outside working often, and they spent time together when she wasn't exploring or checking things out with the others. She'd sit with him inside in the evening, and he'd give her scritches.

Five years ago, he died suddenly. I lived out of state. The police officer on my mom's doorstep told her she didn't want to see the body.

A lot happened in that week. I asked myself more than once if Diesel knew he was gone. I came and visited, and then went back to the life I had left paused.

Three years ago, Diesel got very sick.

Mom wasn't sure she'd make it through the weekend, and I dropped everything again to return. She was sixteen at the time. She had been a part of my family for sixteen years, and I stopped just short of telling my boss and coworkers that my sister was dying.

She was his dog, Mom wept over the phone.

When I got into the house, she was in a sorry state; skin and bone, her strength sapped as she lay on the living room floor. She hadn't eaten in two days, and she'd stopped drinking that morning. I couldn't have imagine it, not from the girl who had been a powerhouse and boss over her huge back yard not so long ago.

I gave her bland food to coax her to eat, and overnight she seemed to gain ten pounds. I took her to the vet, told them where she hurt and to be careful of her temper, and then took her home. The appointment that, three days ago, had been for her final breath, turned into a prescription for antibiotics. But at her age and in her state, chemotherapy and surgery wasn't an option. So we let that battle go.

I came, visited, and then went back to the life I had left paused.

Last year, another call.

She's really bad. I think this is it.

Tell her I'm coming. Tell her I'll be there tomorrow.

I silently hoped I could perform that miracle twice.

She was so thin. She wobbled on her back feet, toes getting caught as she walked. She coughed, raspy and rough. I picked her up, my once 60 pound firecracker, and she let me carry her upstairs so mom could give her a bath in the tub.

I laid with her for hours, two towels wrapped over her and curled up against her back so she didn't shiver as she dried.

The vet came to us. A new, affordable program for geriatric or terminally ill dogs. I made sure Mom would get her ashes back. Because we'd had her for eighteen years, and she was going to stay with us now forever.

The other dogs and all of us kids and mom held her and stroked her. The vet was so kind, and we all watched as our beloved girl let go of her pain.

I carried her, wrapped in my dad's favorite blanket, to the back of the vet's car. There were two other bundles in the back. Small, and tenderly covered.

I watched her go, and I stayed in the street after she'd turned the corner.

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shebeafancyflapjack · 2 months ago

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A Slip Through Worlds (Part 8)

(Silver tries to appeal to whatever is left of the man inside Gore Robin from @idiotwithanipad 's Gore Au)

Mistress has left. Gone on one of her many 'patrols'. The same duty she has taken charge of for the past five centuries, checking the perimeter of the forest, keeping it safe from Outsiders. Her efforts doubled after the cub entered their afterlife, Mistress' having been given extra incentive to make sure nothing entered their lands which could potentially harm her darling girl.

Cub is not here. But Mistress still go do her job. She is determined Cub will return. Home has to be safe for when she is back safe.

The child he has been left to guard is not Cub, though she wears her face and her thin, pink and black skins. She has Cub's hair and same shape of eyes, except hers shine a bright blue and do not lie useless in their sockets. Her nose and ears do not bleed and she does not giggle and chatter constantly.

Would it be possible to swap Cub for this one?

He doesn't really mean that. For all that she irritates him, with her ear-piercing cackling and lack of respect for personal space, she is still Cub. It's still his duty to protect and look after her whenever Mistress is absent.

This child is far more quiet. Sad, maybe. The way she sits on that rock with a heavy, invisible weight on her shoulders. The occasional defeated huff and clutching at herself. The child is miserable. Feels lost and trapped.

But she is not Cub. Not his. So he doesn't care.

The creature rests his head on his paws as he lays over his own rock, turning away from the girl, not wanting to watch her anymore. It had been enough of a trial for him to open what remained of his fossilised heart to Cub, and managing his temper around her was still a work in progress. He doesn't have the energy to care for this girl, even if Mistress seems intent on claiming her.

"Did she tell you to keep me here?" The girl asks.

He let's out a short grunt and further turns from her.

It was no skin off his nose if the child wanted to run. Where would she go? There was no way to cross the barrier around the land, that much he knew. She could try entering the house again, for all the help she might find, but she'd soon come back. All Mistress asked of him was to stay close.

If he does that, she'll give him his medicine. Mistress will reward him for his loyalty by taking the pain away for a night.

The girl shifted in her spot; "You're nothing like my Robin."

What's a Robin? She'd said that word before. Did she have a bird?

"My Rogh, I should say. My world's version of you." She clarified.

Right. Why should he care about that?

"I don't understand it. Everyone else seems to have the same personality as the ghosts I know in my world....It's just they're trapped being who they were when they died. And a bit more gross depending on their deaths." The girl mused; "But Thomas is still a lovesick poet, Fanny still a domineering posh bitch, Julian still a Tory perv. Even Mary, as scary as she is...is still Mary. I can see it in her....my mum...underneath all that fire and ash and fear."

Why was she talking? She must know by now he won't speak back. Can't. Her voice might not be as grating as Cub's but he'd prefer her to go back to being quiet and sad.

"And then there's you." She said, "You're completely different to the caveman I know."

His next exhale contained a small grumble.

"I don't think you were like this when you died. Not...cold, I mean. Not shut off or...beastly." she spoke.

The creature gritted his teeth. The girl was stepping on some thin ice. She had no clue who he was before Sky Fire took everything from him. Before that bear clawed out his own soul.

"This wasn't the man your kids knew, was it? Not the one who took care of them, told them stories, played games, kept them safe?" She dared, "What happened? How long did it take for you to turn into this?"

He growled, raising his head swiftly to snarl at her over his shoulder. Just shut up! Shut up, stupid, spoiled brat!

The girl sniffled.

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be cruel, I just..." She let out a sigh; "I miss my Robin. I miss him so fucking much."

He lowers his hackles. If there was a way for him to swap the girl and Cub back over so he could return her to her precious "Robin" then he'd do it in a heartbeat, had he one. If only to shut her up and get rid of her.

And now she's crying. Tears slide down her face as she sits there, hands fiddling with themselves in her lap.

His headache increases. Mistress needs to come back so he doesn't have to be near this.

"We had a fight, you see." She explains, even though he didn't ask and doesn't care; "He did something horrible to me, I lashed out at him, he hurt me back and then...Fuck. It all seems so stupid now." She rubs at her eyes, smearing her black eye ink across her skin; "He apologised to me. And I refused to forgive him. It just...felt easier to hold onto all the anger rather than...let him back in."

He takes a deep breath, pretending not to listen still.

"Guess you and I aren't so different there. You're an example of what happens when you shut your heart off completely."

So what if he was? What good did it do to love when it brought only pain once gone? So much pain.

"To think that my Robin could have become like you. But instead...He chose to be kind. And funny."

At that, he grizzles with suppressed rage. Lucky fucking 'Robin' then. That world's version of him must have had it so much easier. It was the only way he could still be soft and sweet after all these years.

The witchling seemed to sense his thoughts; "He suffered too. Greatly. He lost all the same as you, probably more if he was willing to make more friends over the years. He told me that he went mad a few times...He could have used that pain to forge a shield, something to keep the rest of the world away from him...But instead, he always tries to help. Every person who dies on our land, he's there...He's offering to be their friend...And he's so much happier for it."

Now she's sounding a little more like Cub. That child often wraps her arms around his mane, ignores his warning grumbles, and instead chatters on about how love and light are far better parts than darkness and hate. How the world is so much more beautiful when greeted with open arms.

Naive, silly, foolish Cub. Can at least be forgiven because she's blind and brain damaged. Helpless. Needs protecting at every second or else she'd walk herself into a ditch.

But this girl, this double of Cub, has working eyes and her brain seems...slightly more stable. She has no excuse. Even her age is something he won't give a pass. At nineteen, he had over twenty children of his own to care for...

Twenty babies. Pin, Sol, Pek, Kya...

Grizzling, he shakes his head. No use for that. Remembering won't ever bring them back.

"She won't let me go, will she?" The girl, thankfully, changes topics.

Tension seizes up his body. Doesn't care. Not his decision.

"She plans to keep me here forever. Mess with my head until I believe I'm her daughter. Tomorrow morning, I'll fall asleep. And while I'm sleeping for the next month, she's gonna try to lure the other me back...without swapping us. Can she actually do that?"

He could tell the girl was looking at him for an answer. He gave a heavy shrug.

None of his business. He had no understanding of Mistress' magic, nor did he want to know. Once upon a time, in a lost age, he might have consulted his tribe's Moonah Sha-woman. But even back then, he hadn't been concerned with knowing the secrets of magic working. Only to follow Her laws. Praise Moonah regularly, use Moonah water to clean and bless and ward off demons. He was more interested in learning the basic sciences of his time. How to create harder spear tips and cook bum better, all that.

Leave magic to those fit to master it. Mistress is the most poweful sorcerer he's ever come across. If she wants something, she will get it, even if it means tearing down the stars.

And right now, she wants both Cub and new girl. So Cub and New Girl she will get.

"She must have some plan to stop me from trying to cross back. If she knows that Other Me can do it, then....It'll be my only chance, too." the child was just talking to herself now. Trying to come up with a plan, perhaps, to outwit Mistress.

The creature huffed a single, brutish laugh.

Good luck with that, silly little girl.

"You talk in your sleep, hehehe."

Robin opens his eyes, an ornate rug beneath him, gazing underneath the frame of a bed.

Pushing himself up a little, he turned, seeing the chair that he must have fallen out of and slid down to the floor when he fell asleep.

Silver, who had been on the bed, was now also on the floor with him, sat with her knees curled under her, pale eyes staring unfocused across at the wall.

"M'sorry..." He mumbles, feeling guilty for having nodded off when he was supposed to be looking after her.

"It's fine, hehehe. You were awake with me all night long. S'my fault. Should've let you come on the bed when I saw you start to drift off."

"Floor more comfy for me." He forced a smile, even if she couldn't see it.

His paw found her hand, seeing it reaching out to touch him.

"How Moonah Girl feel now?" He asked, carefully.

It was always hard to tell what she was feeling with that smile stuck across her face. At least there were no new scars, unless they had already healed themselves before he woke up.

She seemed to communicate her emotions more by the way she squeezed his fingers with her own.

"I miss Mummy, sweet Robin. And Amy." She confessed, simply.

"Me know."

He brought her hand up to kiss her knuckles again before rubbing them with his other hand.

"Will be that way for long while. Sorry." Be honest. Always kind, yes, but honest.

"D'you miss people too? Is that their names you were sayin'?" She asked, fiddling with her necklace; "Penelope...Gaius....Elysabeth....Will."

He nodded, flinching a little at each of their names. Sometimes it felt good to remember, to look up at the stars and imagine his friends looking back...Other times, like tonight, not so good.

"It's all my fault. I'm supposed to be Mummy's good girl. I try to be. Because she does so much to keep me safe. S'only fair." The girl let out a weary sigh; "She told me to stay away from the great wall. 'Donts try to nibble off more than ye can chew, darling girl'. But I did. I nibbled and nibbled, like a greedy rat...And now Mummy is gone."

Almost nothing that she spoke there made any sense to him. But Elysabeth and William and even Humphrey had often said his mad ramblings were practically incoherent. Or perhaps just uttered in long dead languages.

He thinks he gets the gist and strokes his knuckle against her cheek.

"Not Moonah Girl's fault. Can be sure of that." He tells her, "Just sad thing that happen. Me sure that Mummy no angry, where she be now. She looking down at Moonah Girl with love and pride."

If he knew Mary as well as he thought and he's sure he did...But also, if she is watching as Amy said they could, this must surely be agony for her to witness.

Sorry, Mary, sorry sorry sorry.

Silver's shoulders drooped; "What am I gonna do now?"

"What you mean?" He asks.

"Mummy was my whole world. I don't...even really remember who I was before her. Mummy always said it wasn't important, not the stuff about the people who pretended to be my family at least. I was Mummy's darling girl and that's all that mattered." She explained; "I'm the daughter of the Witch of the Woods. I'm princess of the Enchanted Forest, hehehe. That's what Mummy said. But....without her....Who am I, sweet Robin?"

"You....You Moonah Girl." He told her.

"And what does that mean?"

"Whatever you want it to." Robin explained, shuffling close to her, "Moonah Girl want to be princess of wood, she can be. Moonah Girl want to be special witch, she can be. Moonah Girl just want to play games with ghost family and watch TV, can do that too."

"TV? You....watch TV here?" She frowned, tilting her head.

He barked out a laugh. Had she really forgotten TV? Watching her marathons about the lady who kill vampires and the movies about little guy delivering evil ring?

"Of course watch TV." He assured.

"Hmm. I can't remember the last time I did, hehehe. There was never one in Mummy's woods. Had no need for it. She made all my favorite stories come to life, hehehe."

Doesn't she remember Mary's love for Loose Women? And Groundforce? And Sky Sports?

Not exactly vital details, but it felt strange how warped her memories were of Mary and her afterlife up until now. Almost like they belonged to a completely different...

No. No, silly Robin, that would be a crazy idea. Not to mention impossible.

"Moonah Girl watch...or listen, I mean, to any show or movie film she like." He looks to the wall mounted screen in Amy's room that hasn't been turned on since she left.

Julian can come set it up to get all Moonah Girl's favorites ready to play.

"Everything is so dark now." Silver sighed again, looking down at her hands; "I don't like it...Who's gonna turn the lights on for me?"

She must mean Mary's fire powers, what little she was able to summon.

"Here...Look up, over there." He gently guided her head to tilt up, aiming her eyes at the lamp on the table.

Robin stretched out his paw and focused, channeling all of his strength until it switched on and glowed bright, flickering a little.

"Oh! I can see it!" Silver gasped and reached her hand up; "It's very faint but...so pretty! Like a little star, hehehe."

He smiled, relieved to see a touch of color returning to her face. Sliding his arms around her, he held her to him, nuzzling the side of her head as she gazed at the lamp as if it was some great, magical wonder.

"Will try to keep lights on for Moonah Girl." He pledged as she leant back into him.

Her patrol was finished. No sign of those rowdy boys who came to disturb their land the week before, polluting the ground by dropping their cans of ale and scratching graffiti into the bark. Such vandalism causes her little girl's eyes to water. Can't have that. And so the witch had to take on her most fiery wraith-like form to scare the hoodlums away, possibly scarring them mentally for life in the process.

They could be thankful it wasn't physically.

Dear ally is almost asleep at his spot when she returns, twitching upon his rock, paw batting at his ear. She hovers up close to him.

"Hath the girl ventured back into the house?" She asked, suspecting she might want to try conversing with young Amy again.

The feral man shook his head. He then whimpered and pawed at the scraps of her dress.

Please, she could hear in his pitiful noises. Please.

"Shhh. Be well, my old friend." She soothed, not wanting to prolong his suffering any longer; "Forgive me for it being a while since your last bout of relief. You understands I's been...distracted, of late."

He nods. Of course he understands. It's why she trusts him so.

"Find peace and rest, while thee can." Ghosting her hand over his mane, her bony fingers conducted her smoke to enter his ears, worm their way into his brain and smother the infectious thoughts that kept returning to torture him. Night after night.

If only there were a way to remove them all together without destroying what is left of the good soul within.

After a minute, the twitching ceased, and he began to crumple at her feet, curling up as her fingers caressed his brow.

"Is thou surprised by my affection, child?" She asks to the set of eyes she feels upon her.

A shuffle. The witch glances up in time to see the young girl slink back behind a tree.

The witch strode over the sleeping form of dear ally and moved slowly forward.

"Is it a strange curiosity for you to see how much love I have for my oldest friend?"

The girl gulps, audibly, though doesn't step out of her poor excuse for a hiding spot.

"...No. My Mary and Robin loved each other too."

"Robin? Huh. She did names him then, in your world?" She smiled down at her furry companion; "Doth suit him."

Silver - or rather Other Silver - slowly revealed herself, still looking at the witch with understandable caution.

"T'is difficult to connect the two images, is it not." The witch speaks; "Is much easier to see a monster like myself as a heartless villain and nothings more."

The girl's sapphire eyes widen.

"I...I don't think you're heartless." She sounded truthful, remorseful for offending even.

"Just a villain then? T'is why you continue to recoil from me so?"

The teen didn't respond.

It hurt. It shouldn't, she knew, it wasn't logical. But seeing her daughter appear so afraid of her was like being placed on the pyre all over again, even if it were not her darling girl.

"T'is understandable. I did behaves gruesomely to you at first. But you must knows that I acted under the belief you had taken from me my most precious little'en." She explained; "It doth not excuse any fear I instilled in you but...Any mother would act the same way. They would turn the whole world to ash to rescue their daughter."

A thoughtful expression crossed the girl's face. She nodded, one hand reaching up to touch the witch symbol on her neck.

"Demeter and Persephone..." she whispered.

The witch tilted her head; "What's that now, sweetling?"

"Did your Silver never tell you? Demeter is the Goddess of vegetation. When her daughter, Persephone, is kidnapped and taken to the Underworld, Demeter refuses to allow anything to grow until her daughter is returned to her." The child tells her, then gives a small smile; "It's one of my favorite myths."

Feeling empathy for this Pagan goddess, the witch smiles; "Did she succeed? Was her child returned to her?"

"Yes. Sorta..." Silver shrugged; "She's tricked into eating the fruit of the Underworld and it makes it so she has to stay there for six months of the year. But the rest of the time, she returns to her mother. And that's when everything grows, plants and flowers and veg, when the Mother Goddess is happy again."

"Because she hath her darling girl back?"

The teen nodded, her expression warming slightly as she looked at her. Carefully, she took a step closer.

"Tell me, sweet child. Honestly now." The witch asked, "Why do you not wish to stay? You coulds have everything you ever wanted here. See?"

With a wave of her hand, the witch cast the glamour over the forest. The flickering embers danced over Silver's eyes and brought alive, to her, the enchanted woodland that her own darling girl adored so. Her outfit was replaced with one of the black and pink dresses that suited her so, making her look at home amongst the fae lights and magical beasts. She took a breath, her eyes drinking it all in once more.

Tiny wingless dragons made of starlight wriggled through the air as they flew past her, tickling her face with their tales. Almost bringing out a smile.

"It's...It's so beautiful...." the girl admitted, looking dazed.

"And it could be yours. It should be yours. Yours and my own Silver's." Said the witch; "You both deserve to live in the world of your dreams...and you both deserve a mother's love."

There was no ulterior motive. No hidden ploy. Her desire to claim this child, her daughter's twin, as her own was genuine. True, it would be a benefit for Silver to have a sibling at her side who could see and was more mature and down to earth to help guide and protect her. But this was as much for Other Silver's sake as anything.

The girl continued to look conflicted.

"Why? Why do you want me to stay so much? I'm...I'm not your daughter..." She said, though this time it was more a sad statement of fact than rejection.

The witch moved forward. She didn't disguise herself to conceal her disfigured face and ruined body. She needed the girl to see the truth in her real eyes.

"You were not. That be truth. But then I did look into your mind...." She raised a hand to stroke her cheek; "And I saws all that pain. All that grievings and lonely nightses. I felt...I felt the pain of that other me, unable to help, kept from embracing my little girl. In thems moments, your pain became mine, as all mothers feel their child's torment. I became your mother then, in what remains of my heart...Truly I dids."

Tears spring to the child's eyes as they look into hers.

"I know the feeling be not mutual-."

"It's not that." Said the girl; "I just...I..."

"Tell me, sweet girl. Be honest. Thou has nought to fear." The wraith assured.

The girl looked down.

"I guess....I don't believe that....anyone would want me."

Oh.

The witch felt her heart be revived more so, only to break again. In many ways, this Silver was as vulnerable and sensitive as her own.

"My little angel. Only a fool woulds not want thee." She whispered, tilting her chin up; "I did sees your soul. It be as bright and kind as my Silver's. A sharper tongue, mind, but nothin' be wrong with that. And you is so brave to endure what you has...But you also deserve to rest and be content. Same as dear ally. Yous deserve to be loved."

They were so close now. There was only the tiniest of resistance as this Silver looked up at her.

Just one little push.

With a wave of her hand, the witch shifted her own form again. No fancy gowns. No pomp.

Silver let out a tiny gasp as she looked up into the face of the Mary she would have known. How she appeared before the flames took her. Whole. Unburned. Flesh full and warm blooded.

"The wraith be the mask that I am forced to wear, little'en. This be my true face, is it not?" She asked the girl, her voice clear, no longer a raspy hiss.

Silver nodded.

Mary smiled and stroked her hair; "And who be I, sweet girl?"

A beat.

Her bottom lip shook as tears formed in her eyes. She trembled, the single word having to fight its way up and out of her mouth.

"....Mum."

#bbc ghosts fanfic #silver guppy #robin the caveman #gore au #ASTW #mary guppy

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