#this concept is literally heartbreaking

[blackwaves]

.

[charizardstolemynickname]

MUMBO IS IN THIS SEASON!!! WE WIN THESE!!! BOATEM REUNION!!!!

[s-insomnia]

i don't CARE about ffxiii's generally bad and linear gameplay. the fabula nova crystallis mythos will forever have me in a chokehold.

[kxsagi]

slept through 12 of my 30 timers but the other 28 timers woke me from my coma-like slumber

I have come, with a Request 😋 Ahem.

Blue lock boys with a Reader who they're really publicly even close with, and not just friends kind of close, but so close that everyone automatically assumes they're dating, and the blue lock boys don't deny it because they are like head over heels.

But in truth, while they do all the couple stuff with reader and even live with her, reader is completely oblivious and calls it normal best friend stuff and the blue lock boys are absolutely frustrated. preferably with sae, rin, kaiser, otoya and whoever else you want (•⩊•)

“𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐢𝐦”

a/n: this concept is so juicy omg i am here for it 🤤

also sleeping through your timers is so real i fear

ft. itoshi sae, itoshi rin, kaiser michael, otoya eita, bachira meguru, mikage reo, isagi yoichi, nagi seishiro, shidou ryusei, ness alexis, karasu tabito

itoshi sae

“we’re just best friends” you say, as sae spoons you on the couch like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

he’s been in love with you for years, but the second you moved in together and started calling it “platonically sharing rent,” he realized god was testing him. 

cooks you breakfast every morning. lets you eat off his plate. lets you steal his clothes. still gets annoyed when you call him your “best bro.” 

one time you kissed his cheek in public as a joke. it trended in spain with the headline “sae itoshi’s mysterious lover.” 

he didn’t deny it. 

“what do you mean we’re not dating?” he finally asks one night, deadpan, while you’re brushing your teeth. 

“wait, you thought we were?” 

he has never known heartbreak until this moment. 

and yet he still brings you a blanket and tucks you in after. 

he’s in too deep. 

itoshi rin

touch-starved menace who lets you touch him because it’s you. 

he doesn’t do this with anyone else. no one gets to poke his cheek. no one gets to play with his hair while he’s gaming. no one gets to walk around in his clothes except you. 

he has confessed 3 times. you thought all 3 were jokes. 

“rin, i love you,” you once said while drunk and clinging to his arm. 

he nearly passed out on the spot. 

when you said the same thing to your cat 2 seconds later, he nearly passed away. 

he can’t even get mad at you. he just sulks for days. 

his entire team thinks you're dating. he gets called “whipped” on a weekly basis. 

refuses to correct anyone. actually glares at them harder if they imply otherwise. 

he will keep living in this delusion until you finally realize the truth and kiss him for real. 

kaiser michael

he literally introduces you as his girlfriend. and you just go with it. 

“oh that’s just kaiser being dramatic 😄” – girl. be serious. 

buys you matching necklaces and has his arm around you 90% of the time. you’re practically in his lap in every photo. 

fangirls ship you. he absolutely has a folder of fan edits of “[yourshipname]” on his phone. 

he flirts with you constantly. you flirt back. neither of you break character. 

you once called him your “platonic soulmate” and he nearly choked on his own spit. 

“you think soulmates are platonic now? you’re gonna kill me.” 

makes up fake anniversaries just to celebrate them with you. 

“happy 6-months-since-you-moved-in day.” 

“thanks, roomie 🥰” 

he screams into his pillow every night. 

otoya eita

biggest fake boyfriend energy ever. if he’s not dating you, then what IS he doing? 

you sleep in the same bed. you call him “babe” when you're joking. his hand is always on your waist. and you still insist you’re just besties. 

he’s so down bad it’s physically painful. 

once introduced you to someone as his “partner” and you were like “awww you mean like crime partners 🤭” 

he cried. 

flirts with you shamelessly. you think it’s all jokes. it’s not. he’s suffering. 

everyone is convinced you’re in love. otoya included. 

but when he finally tries to kiss you during a movie night and you pause to ask “wait are we doing couple stuff or friend stuff rn?” 

he literally malfunctions. 

“i’m gonna die alone.” 

still cuddles you to sleep tho. he’s not gonna pass that up. 

bachira meguru

he’s your best friend! your little monster boy! your cuddle buddy! your ENTIRE BOYFRIEND WHO YOU SOMEHOW HAVEN’T NOTICED IS IN LOVE WITH YOU. 

everyone around you assumes you're dating. he draws you into his selfies, brings you to press events, and kisses your forehead like it's second nature. 

and you? you just giggle and say “haha he’s just silly like that!” 

he’s not silly. he’s desperate. 

literally introduces you to his mom as “the one.” 

still doesn’t correct you when you say “we’re just roommates lol.” 

he’s a patient man. he will wait. 

but one day he absolutely grabs your face and is like, “just to be clear. if i kiss you right now… are we still ‘just friends’ orrrr…?” 

pray for him. 

mikage reo

treats you like royalty. buys you flowers. gets you jewelry. lets you use his black card. 

“my best friend deserves the world <3” 

SIR. 

sometimes you joke like “lol you treat me better than any boyfriend ever has!” and he’s like “good. because i’m better than any boyfriend.” 

he said what he said. 

his dad thinks you’re engaged to his son. 

honestly you act married. he picks you up from work. he brings you coffee. you share a bed in hotels. 

still you call it “normal roommate behavior” like you're not literally couple-coded in every single way. 

one day he just looks at you and goes, “you know you’re in love with me, right?” 

“what? no i’m not! i just like your face and your money and your company and your laugh and –” 

oh. 

isagi yoichi

this man is the most boyfriend-coded best friend to ever exist. 

he makes you snacks, helps you study, ties your shoelaces, and sleeps with his head on your lap. 

“aw thanks yoichi! you’re like the perfect bestie!” 

he dies a little inside every time. 

you share a blanket when you watch movies. he always lets you pick the show. he even paints your nails once during a rainy day. 

he’s one emotional breakdown away from fully confessing. 

but every time he tries, you say stuff like “we’re such a power duo omg, can’t believe we’re not dating lol!!” 

he laughs. nervously. 

he’s literally praying you realize it on your own. 

until then, he’ll just keep living the boyfriend life in silent agony. 

nagi seishiro

doesn’t understand how you don’t already know he’s in love with you. 

you sleep in the same bed. you share showers (not at the same time but STILL). he lets you feed him. 

you call it “roommate bonding.” 

he calls it “slow torture.” 

“you’re comfy,” he mumbles while clinging to you like a human pillow. 

“awww, besties for life 🫶” 

his soul leaves his body. 

he doesn’t want to put in effort to confess, but he will if you keep playing dumb. 

“hey. if i kissed you, would that be annoying?” 

you: “uh… no?” 

“cool.” 

and then he does it. 

that’s his version of a love letter. 

shidou ryusei

the most feral “not-boyfriend” ever. 

he’s not subtle. he wants to bite you, kiss you, claim you. 

and yet… you think he’s just “really passionate about friendship.” 

“you’re so weirdly loyal to me it’s cute.” 

loyal? LOYAL? he’s planning your WEDDING. 

lets you wear his chains. lets you ride on his back. lets you slap his abs and call him your “emotional support psychopath.” 

and still you won’t date him. 

“babe. we live together. we sleep together. you’ve literally shaved my jaw for me. what do i gotta do to make you realize?” 

you blink. “huh? realize what??” 

“i’m gonna eat drywall.” 

ness alexis

poor boy’s heart explodes every time you say “roomie bestie 💕” in public. 

he is in love with you in seventeen different languages. 

cooks for you, folds your laundry, sends you good morning texts from the other room. 

kaiser makes fun of him relentlessly. 

“isn’t she your girlfriend?” 

“i-i wish 😭” 

you once kissed his cheek and called it “friend appreciation.” 

he almost fainted. 

tried to write a love letter. ended up crying into it because he didn’t know how to start it without sounding desperate. 

“what’s the german word for ‘i think my best friend is my soulmate and it hurts’?” 

lives for the day you finally realize and hug him a little longer than usual. 

karasu tabito

king of fake chill. acts unbothered. is actually dying inside. 

he calls you “babe” for fun. you call him “bestie bae.” it’s a sick game. 

he flirts. constantly. you think he’s just being a clown. 

you’ll sit on his lap, steal his fries, and call it “classic friend behavior.” 

“girl. we slow-danced in the living room at 2 AM last night. what part of this is FRIEND behavior??” 

“bonding 😇” 

he wants to scream. 

his mom literally thinks you’re dating. she sends you gifts. he lets her. 

karasu tries to play it cool, but the moment you show any sign of returning his feelings, he’s ready with a full slideshow called “why we should date immediately (with charts).” 

your obliviousness is his villain origin story. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[ingravinoveritas]

Lovely new article about Michael in Paste magazine. Article is behind a paywall, so here is a transcription (with thanks to the person on FB who transcribed it, and the parts in bold are my own emphasis).

There’s so much to love about Prime Video’s Good Omens. A delightful adaptation of the popular Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett novel of the same name, the series is romantic, thoughtful, hilarious, and heartfelt by turns. The story of the almost-apocalypse and what comes afterward, it wrestles with big concepts like destiny, free will, and forgiveness, all framed through the lens of an unorthodox relationship between an angel and a demon whose love for one another is a key to saving the world.

As anyone who has watched Good Omens already knows, nothing about this series works without the pair of lead performances at its center. Stars David Tennant and Michael Sheen—who play the demon Crowley and the angel Aziraphale, respectively—have the kind of lighting-in-a-bottle chemistry that’s the stuff of legend, and their characters’ every interaction conveys both their deep affection for one another and the Earth they’ve made their home. Their romance is the emotional linchpin around which most of the series turns, and their heartbreaking separation in the Season 2 finale is so devastating precisely because we’ve seen how necessary the two are to each other’s lives.

But it’s Sheen’s performance in that final scene that really twists the knife. As Aziraphale’s face crumples following his and Crowley’s long-awaited kiss, the actor manages to convey what feels like every possible human emotion in the span of less than thirty seconds as the angel realizes what he has both had and just lost. The moment is emotionally brutal to watch, particularly after sitting through five and a half episodes of Aziraphale looking as lovestruck as the lead in any rom-com. Sheen makes it all look effortless, shifting from giddy joy to devastated longing and everything in between, and we really don’t talk enough about how powerful and underrated his work in this series truly is.

Though he’s half of the central duo that makes Good Omens tick, Sheen’s role often tends to get overshadowed by his co-star’s. It’s not difficult to see why, given that Tennant gets to spend most of the show swanning around in tight trousers looking like the Platonic ideal of the charming bad boy, complete with flaming red hair and dramatic eyewear. Tennant also benefits from Crowley’s much more sympathetic emotional arc. I mean, it’s hard not to love a cynical demon with a heart of gold who’s been pining after his angelic best friend for literal millennia even after being cast out from Heaven. Of course, viewers are drawn to that—likely a lot more easily than the story of an angel who’s simply trying the best he can to do the right thing as he wrestles with his role in God’s Ineffable Plan. Plus, let’s be real, Tennant’s sizeable Doctor Who fanbase certainly doesn’t hurt his character’s popularity.

As a performer, Sheen has a long history of playing both real people (Tony Blair, David Frost, Brian Clough) and offbeat villains (Prodigal Son’s Martin Whitly, Underworld’s Lucian, the Twilight Saga’s Aro). In some ways, the role of a fussy, bookish angel is playing more than a bit against type for him—Gaiman himself has said he originally intended for Sheen to be Crowley—but in his capable hands, Aziraphale becomes something much more than a simple avatar for the forces of Good (or even of God, for that matter). With a soft demeanor and a positively blinding smile, Sheen’s take on the character consistently radiates warmth and goodness, even as it contains surprisingly hidden depths. The former guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden who gifted a fleeing Adam and Eve his flaming sword and befriended the Serpent who caused their Fall, Azirphale isn’t a particularly conventional angel. He enjoys all-too-human indulgences like food and wine, runs a Hoarders-esque bookshop that never seems to sell anything, and spends most of his time making heart eyes at the being that’s meant to be his hereditary adversary.

Given the much more difficult task of playing the literal angel to Tennant’s charming devil, Sheen must find a way to make ideas like goodness and forgiveness as interesting and fun to watch as their darker counterparts. It’s a generally thankless task, but one that Sheen tackles with gusto, particularly in the series’ second season, as Good Omens explores Aziraphale’s slowly evolving idea of what he can and cannot accept in terms of being a soldier of Heaven. His growing understanding that the truth of creation is colored in shades of grey and compromise is often conveyed through little more than Sheen’s deftly shifting expressions and body language.

Our pop culture consistently struggles to portray the idea of goodness as something compelling or worth watching. Explicitly “good” characters, particularly those who are religiously coded, are frequently treated as the butt of some sort of unspoken joke they aren’t in on, used to underline the idea that faith is a form of naivety or that kindness is somehow a weakness. For a lot of people, the entire concept of turning the other cheek is a sucker’s bet, and believing in something greater than oneself, be it a higher power or a sense of purpose, is a waste of time. But Good Omens is a story grounded in the idea that faith, hope, and love—for one another, God, and the entire world—are active verbs. And nowhere is that more apparent than in Sheen’s characterization of the soft angel whose old-fashioned waistcoats mask a spine of steel and who refuses to give up—on Crowley, on humanity, or on the idea that Heaven is still something that can be saved.

Though he and Tennant have pretty much become a matched set at this point (both on and off-screen), Sheen’s performance has rarely gotten the critical accolades it deserves. (Tennant alone was nominated for a BAFTA for Season 2, and Sheen was categorized as a supporting actor when the series’ competed in the 2019 Saturn Awards.) But it is his quiet strength that holds up so much of the rest of the show around him, and Sheen deserves to be more frequently recognized for it. That he makes it look so easy is just another sign of how good his performance really is.

I love this so much. The thoroughly well-deserved praise for Michael's incredible performance as Aziraphale, but also that Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship is specifically described as a "romance." And of course, the first sentence of the last paragraph that acknowledges how much Michael and David are indeed a "matched set" that cannot (and should not) be separated...

[hanahanumana]

From AnaMaria Abramovic on Fb

Paste magazine has done an article about Michael and how underrated he is in Good Omens and I found a transcript since it's behind a paywall. Here's the link if anyone wants to subscribe. 💙

https://www.pastemagazine.com/tv/amazon-prime-video/good-omens-michael-sheen-underrated-performance-explained-streaming

There’s so much to love about Prime Video’s Good Omens. A delightful adaptation of the popular Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett novel of the same name, the series is romantic, thoughtful, hilarious, and heartfelt by turns. The story of the almost-apocalypse and what comes afterward, it wrestles with big concepts like destiny, free will, and forgiveness, all framed through the lens of an unorthodox relationship between an angel and a demon whose love for one another is a key to saving the world.

As anyone who has watched Good Omens already knows, nothing about this series works without the pair of lead performances at its center. Stars David Tennant and Michael Sheen—who play the demon Crowley and the angel Aziraphale, respectively—have the kind of lighting-in-a-bottle chemistry that’s the stuff of legend, and their characters’ every interaction conveys both their deep affection for one another and the Earth they’ve made their home. Their romance is the emotional linchpin around which most of the series turns, and their heartbreaking separation in the Season 2 finale is so devastating precisely because we’ve seen how necessary the two are to each other’s lives.

But it’s Sheen’s performance in that final scene that really twists the knife. As Aziraphale’s face crumples following his and Crowley’s long-awaited kiss, the actor manages to convey what feels like every possible human emotion in the span of less than thirty seconds as the angel realizes what he has both had and just lost. The moment is emotionally brutal to watch, particularly after sitting through five and a half episodes of Aziraphale looking as lovestruck as the lead in any rom-com. Sheen makes it all look effortless, shifting from giddy joy to devastated longing and everything in between, and we really don’t talk enough about how powerful and underrated his work in this series truly is.

Though he’s half of the central duo that makes Good Omens tick, Sheen’s role often tends to get overshadowed by his co-star’s. It’s not difficult to see why, given that Tennant gets to spend most of the show swanning around in tight trousers looking like the Platonic ideal of the charming bad boy, complete with flaming red hair and dramatic eyewear. Tennant also benefits from Crowley’s much more sympathetic emotional arc. I mean, it’s hard not to love a cynical demon with a heart of gold who’s been pining after his angelic best friend for literal millennia even after being cast out from Heaven. Of course, viewers are drawn to that—likely a lot more easily than the story of an angel who’s simply trying the best he can to do the right thing as he wrestles with his role in God’s Ineffable Plan. Plus, let’s be real, Tennant’s sizeable Doctor Who fanbase certainly doesn’t hurt his character’s popularity.

As a performer, Sheen has a long history of playing both real people (Tony Blair, David Frost, Brian Clough) and offbeat villains (Prodigal Son’s Martin Whitly, Underworld’s Lucian, the Twilight Saga’s Aro). In some ways, the role of a fussy, bookish angel is playing more than a bit against type for him—Gaiman himself has said he originally intended for Sheen to be Crowley—but in his capable hands, Aziraphale becomes something much more than a simple avatar for the forces of Good (or even of God, for that matter). With a soft demeanor and a positively blinding smile, Sheen’s take on the character consistently radiates warmth and goodness, even as it contains surprisingly hidden depths. The former guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden who gifted a fleeing Adam and Eve his flaming sword and befriended the Serpent who caused their Fall, Azirphale isn’t a particularly conventional angel. He enjoys all-too-human indulgences like food and wine, runs a Hoarders-esque bookshop that never seems to sell anything, and spends most of his time making heart eyes at the being that’s meant to be his hereditary adversary.

Given the much more difficult task of playing the literal angel to Tennant’s charming devil, Sheen must find a way to make ideas like goodness and forgiveness as interesting and fun to watch as their darker counterparts. It’s a generally thankless task, but one that Sheen tackles with gusto, particularly in the series’ second season, as Good Omens explores Aziraphale’s slowly evolving idea of what he can and cannot accept in terms of being a soldier of Heaven. His growing understanding that the truth of creation is colored in shades of grey and compromise is often conveyed through little more than Sheen’s deftly shifting expressions and body language.

Our pop culture consistently struggles to portray the idea of goodness as something compelling or worth watching. Explicitly “good” characters, particularly those who are religiously coded, are frequently treated as the butt of some sort of unspoken joke they aren’t in on, used to underline the idea that faith is a form of naivety or that kindness is somehow a weakness. For a lot of people, the entire concept of turning the other cheek is a sucker’s bet, and believing in something greater than oneself, be it a higher power or a sense of purpose, is a waste of time. But Good Omens is a story grounded in the idea that faith, hope, and love—for one another, God, and the entire world—are active verbs. And nowhere is that more apparent than in Sheen’s characterization of the soft angel whose old-fashioned waistcoats mask a spine of steel and who refuses to give up—on Crowley, on humanity, or on the idea that Heaven is still something that can be saved.

Though he and Tennant have pretty much become a matched set at this point (both on and off-screen), Sheen’s performance has rarely gotten the critical accolades it deserves. (Tennant alone was nominated for a BAFTA for Season 2, and Sheen was categorized as a supporting actor when the series’ competed in the 2019 Saturn Awards.) But it is his quiet strength that holds up so much of the rest of the show around him, and Sheen deserves to be more frequently recognized for it. That he makes it look so easy is just another sign of how good his performance really is.

[sunderedstar]

good books of 2024

according to meeee.

there is no order here, at least one of these was published ages ago, I'm just working my way through my 2024 timeline, godspeed spiderman. 🫡

Metal from Heaven

surprise hit of 2024. top of the charts. stunning, spectacular. gorgeous. Metal from Heaven FUCKS. almost every single main character is an explicit spicy toxic hot mess of a lesbian committing literal highway/train robbery, the bad guy is literally named Industry, leading to such peak sentences as "I am going to kill Industry." the prose is synesthetic in a way that most writers cannot sustain for a full novel but which here culminates in a moment of pure blissful Neon Genesis Evangelion that I will not elaborate on due to spoilers. the author pulls out the FUNNIEST lines, and also the most abrupt and heartbreaking tragedies. we're not here to be subtle, we're here to put the pedal to the metal until the engine explodes. such a damning, whip smart condemnation of industry, capitalism, power. all in the form of Lesbians. also the phrase 'clown orgy' is mentioned. this shit is like gideon the ninth with CRUNCH. NSFW.

but don't take my word for it. take amal el-mohtar's.

Absolution

Absolution is a hard book. requires thought and rigor at all times to absorb what's going on - and also a reread of the entire trilogy beforehand, because there's time travel nuance involved, which makes it next to impossible to sum up the plot coherently on its own without spoiling things. jeff vandermeer described it partially as 'fuck that alligator from the movie' and - valid. the first 60% had me; the later section...swapped gears drastically, which meant it took a while to hit its stride (aka until it reached Area X again). in hindsight I was just not prepared for one of the POVs to be the Freudian, violently stoned, unreliable narrator love-child of Karkat and Dave Strider whose perception/conception of the heart of the Southern Reach is extremely phallic. and then suddenly cannibalism happens. I liked Annihilation and Acceptance better, but damn. it almost feels like this should be the set up to another trilogy. much 2 think about.

Yield Under Great Persuasion

I don't know why I didn't hear anything about this one before it came out! (instead, I only saw posts about rowland's other book released this year, running close to the wind - which sadly did not hit for me at all). Yield Under Great Persuasion is just ridiculous enough to be fantastic. stubborn little gremlin man, big mad about Pumpkingate years after the original inciting incident that set him at odds with his love interest, attempts to pack his little rucksack and run away from all his self-inflicted gay problems, fails, is forced to deal with said personal problems by direct goddess-intervention. you know it's gonna be good when the guys are hate-banging by page 2. a short, delightful mix of (extremely silly and low-stakes) enemies to lovers and hurt/comfort and working out your emotional and communication issues on page style comfort food. self-indulgent in a fanfic way that is rowland's trademark in a taste of gold and iron (which was also fantastic and probably deserves a reread now.) NSFW.

The Spellshop

between this and yield under great persuasion there's an odd cozy fantasy pairing here. a self-isolated shut-in spellbook librarian who lives for her work escapes the fall of her city and sets up shop back in her old hometown on a severely magic-deprived island. there's some internalized trauma being worked through, against a simply charming backdrop of community and solidarity and magic spells. really. I was. charmed. which is a rare reaction on my part.

The Hunter's Gonna Lay Low

the curveball of the list, The Hunter's Gonna Lay Low is a translated (gay) Korean web novel, and it's the perfect intersection of a decent translator meeting an author who knows what they're doing. notorious tumblr user @spockandawe has a write up of the plot and its major themes here, but in essence it hooked me with its hunter/super-hero meets Pacific Rim setting, its themes of gifted kid burnout and unacknowledged trauma with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and the fact that the author clearly plotted out all of this in advance, with minor details from the opening chapter being extremely plot relevant a hundred chapters later. also, the characters are FUN! the relationship compels me. clownery abounds in all the best ways, while the world-ending stakes are also scarily sky high. its translation is currently incomplete as far as I'm aware, which is literally this story's only downside right now, since you can read it online for free - but so much of the main story is up and translated already that it's hard to imagine how much higher the stakes can go, and I'm dying to know if these two make it through and get the happy ending they deserve. a delicious repast.

Apostles of Mercy

I'm gonna rant here. this is the story of a series that got the redemption arc it deserved.

if you don't know, axiom's end is lindsay ellis's blatant Bayverse Transformers female lead alternate history fic. period. she has openly admitted this. you can easily and clearly pick out the Optimus/Megatron/Starscream expies. and that first book was GOOD. it understood the assignment. loved it.

then...truth of the divine happened. book two of the series. was frankly. god awful. it was like twilight's new moon, where the main character's depression saturates and therefore stagnates the entire narrative, in this case to its detriment. it dragged. the entire appeal of first book of the series is the bond between the main character and her new definitely-not-a-Transformer life partner, and book two managed to both sideline that - the entire point!!! the main thing you're reading it for! the alien time! - and introduce the most skeevy and (for me) unpleasant to read human hetero romance of all time. it was so unpleasant I actually forgot how bad it was.

somehow. somehow. palpatine returned. after I spent three years mourning what could have been. book three saved it. Apostles of Mercy addresses the whole damn skeevy toxic mess that was book two and refocuses on what matters - the alien love interest and a LESBIAN love interest. yes. it's true. once again the sapphics won. we now have a book where the main character is reliving lesbian sex memories as an alien-robot-insect-definitely-not-a-Transformer mindmelds with her so I mean. good job team? her love interest also acquires an alien life partner of her own to expand this into potential alien foursome range? the assignment is once again UNDERSTOOD. in terms of the action scenes, to quote myself while reading it, "I can't believe I'm saying this but you needed to channel far more Bayverse" [for book 2], and doing so for book 3 has produced a work of art. I would say skip book 2 entirely and thank me later, but experiencing how bad the series got at its darkest point is part of what made book 3 such an exhilarating high in comparison. possibly that was the goal all along, impossible to appreciate until now. I just need lindsay ellis to get the contract to write the currently-in-publication-limbo books 4 and 5. because the series deserves it. it only just got good again! NSFWish because I can't remember currently how explicit they got all these months later, forgive me.

The Deep Sky

yume kitasei is new to me, but this book hit some interesting notes as a sci fi debut. it too is about gifted kid burnout and imposter syndrome, funnily enough, in a thoughtful take on the standard sci fi concept of 'a bunch of rigorously trained young adults are sent out into deep space as an ark to save a dying humanity' that actually does discuss how fucked up that is as a concept, both for the kids as they grow up under enormous pressure to win a spot on the mission and for all those people being left behind, in what might just end up being an overhyped waste of resources, since civilization sure is still kicking when they leave. the summary on the book is somewhat misleading - asuka, the main character, doesn't fall under suspicion until wayyyy late in the book, and spends the majority of it in a pseudo-detective role that is absolutely sanctioned by those in charge. she's not 'an immediate suspect' like the book blurb insists. go figure. it didn't knock me out of the park like most of the books above, but it was an engaging little read.

The Bees

a weird one from 2014, picked up on a whim - it's literally about bees! fictionalized bees! with personalities and priesthoods and caste politics and everything! I cried about it to be honest. very plotty, somehow all of it neatly taking place within the Lifecycle of A Bee™️, which takes some real craftsmanship to pull off and make compelling as a narrative. since I'm an unrepentant Raksura fan, I was like 'wow...how Raksura coded...' knowing full well that Raksura are dragon bee people, not the other way around. also the Raksura could never be as toxic (complimentary) as these bees are. 😂 it's just good literature your honor.

honorable mentions:

Heavenly Tyrant

has not come out yet. but let's be real. it's on the list in anticipation. it's what she deserves.

The City in Glass

I love nghi vo's work, have read and adored all of the singing hills cycle novellas. it took a month for my library hold on this book to be available. and then I promptly got distracted by metal from heaven and the hunter's gonna lay low 😂 I will read it!!! the first eight pages were good! vitrine's voice is very good! I've just had a very busy end of the year interrupting my everything. (update: I read two more pages and it immediately and promptly popped off. whoops. guess I'm reading that next. whenever I have free time again...)

[elsecrytt]

okay NEW curse technique concept: love conquers all!

your technique straight up alters reality. it will heal you or others, kill or harm people in any specific way, you can travel quickly, produce objects/food/etc. out of nowhere, whatever you want.

however. you can only do it if you genuinely believe it will make your loved one happy. otherwise you are just a regular person.

if you're not in love with someone, you're an ordinary person.

thankfully (?) you're a bleeding heart romantic and you fall in love pretty often! you might be shallow at first but your desire to pursue a relationship and get to know your crush is 100% sincere!

for added comic effect, you do not know what curses are and are unaware of your cursed technique. you just know that you're super capable whenever you're doing it ~for love~

unfortunately, when you fell in love with satoru gojo, he pretty much immediately shot you down.

commitment issues, sorcerer problems, yada yada. he could tell that you were genuine with your feelings, too, and satoru does do hookups but he's not a total asshole.

satoru being LITERALLY the luckiest person ever - six eyes, limitless, ridiculously tall and beautiful, talented students and powerful allies - and he's handed an instant win ticket to life in the form of your undying love and devotion and he just tosses it out LMAOOO.

so you go through your heartbreak phase, grieve for a while, and of course eventually get back on the market.

and you find him! the kindest, most considerate, respectful man alive.

he's a bit of a workaholic, but he's unbelievably polite and sincere, and every bit of understanding you show him is repaid tenfold.

seriously. he was late for a date once because of work, texting ahead twenty minutes and apologizing profusely, showing up with flowers and a thousand "I'm so sorry, my superior at work was a bit unreasonable - he works hard, too, though. I'll plan better in advance!"

when you smile and hug him and accept his apologies easily, you can see him holding back tears, a giant load releases his shoulders.

the more you learn about his work, though, the more you realize it's his only flaw. it's not even his fault!

his superior is just this giant asshole. "he works very hard, he's excellent at his job" your fucking ASS, why should your man have to put in constant overtime to drive his ass around?

apparently he had to drive three hours to pick up some sweets. kikufuku, of all things, from this one specialty store in another prefecture, just for his stupid coworker -

it pisses you off!

so when ichiji arrives for your date one day, nervous, with his unreasonable coworker in tow - well, you're shocked to see that you recognize him.

satoru, of course, immediately gloats that he recognizes ichiji's precious girlfriend - she even asked him out, once, before!

internally, he supposes it's kind of nice that you found someone better suited for commitment. although ichiji really doesn't deserve someone as good-looking as you -

SLAP!

he stares, dumbfounded, his cheek red and stinging. something strange curling in his chest at your vicious glare.

"You're Ichiji's shitty coworker?" You growl, "I'm glad you turned me down. Don't ever bully my man again, or you're dead meat."

holy shit, satoru thinks to himself as you snarl at him, ichiji panicking, trying to hold you back.

dead meat. holy shit, he actually believes you.

-

obviously from there the plan would be enemies to lovers, with the requisite comedy and pining on gojo's part about having let you go the first time.

you have a very strict policy of never EVER pursuing someone who turns you down (you don't know this, but it's actually a condition of your cursed technique). but satoru will find out - that doesn't stop him from pursuing you.

unfortunately, you're also unbelievably prideful, and still very in love with ichiji (who himself is struggling with a sense of inferiority which will eventually tank your relationship).

so gojo gets his ass beat on multiple occasions,,, watching in awe as you do thinks even he can't, and doubly flabbergasted when you insist you're not doing anything particularly weird.

you punch through his infinity? "are you telling me you think you're a wizard with an invisible force field around yourself? seriously?" cursed spirits? "is this a cult?? ichiji is your coworker in a CULT?" his hollow purple doesn't leave a scratch "i mean, was it supposed to?"

god i'm just feeling the comedy these days. i need to make fun of these silly little guys in this silly little manga, i love them so much

[hitlikehammers]

AVOIDANCE: the only real solution to all of Eddie’s your falling-in-love problems!

(0 out of 10 participants in this approach have proven its INeffectiveness; talk to your ✨love interest✨today to avoid this heartbreaking waste of your energy!)

It’s not like they were bosom buddies for years and years. A week at the outset, a couple months since, and now they’re all back in their own homes living their own lives and Eddie can avoid the way he’s most definitely, one-hundred-percent certainly in love with Steve Harrington. Very effectively.  By simply avoiding Steve Harrington. 

rating: t ♥️ tags: post-s4, eddie munson and his newfound obsession/unprecedebtedly-close-to-love feelings for steve harrington, answer: avoid steve harrington like the plague, excellent and emotionally-mature ways of dealing with your problems! /s, primary hiccup in existing plan: forgetting steve harrington doesn’t take well to failure, (oops), miscommunication, boys so dumb, confessions, hint of angst (because eddie is a very silly boy with very silly ideas sometimes), self-confident!steve, steve harrington facing the issues head-on, feelings confessions, peak eddie dramatics, happy ending♥️

for @steddielovemonth day fifteen: “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”―Jane Austen, Emma

True fact: Eddie thought he was playing things cool. Thought he was totally copacetic, in, you know, keeping it all subtle. He can do subtle, y’know: being loud and proud, shouting on tabletops and shit, screaming at drunks—that was a choice, not a…a rule. He’s a freak, he’s an outcast, he’s a weird-ass motherfucker: he’d have had far more brushes with his actual-factual demise in this podunk town if he was literally incapable of blending in with the background, and not just kinda sickened by the concept, let alone the effort involved to appease fucking…normies.

So yeah, he’d…he’d thought he was flying under the radar. And anyway; why the fuck would Steve Harrington even notice eddies absence in his day-to-day? They were apocalypse ‘friends’. Hospital buddies at best.

They’re back in the real world now.

Eddie supposed Vecna or whatever the fuck his name is will come crawling back in the foreseeable future, but brighter minds than his are preparing for that shit. The sheepies will let him know if they need his assistance—pending what that assistance may or may not be worth dependent on how far along his PT journey he stands at that point.

But it’s not like they were glued to the hip. It’s not like they were bosom buddies for years and years. A week at the outset, a couple months since, and now they’re all back in their own homes living their own lives and Eddie can avoid the way he’s most definitely, one-hundred-percent certainly in love with Steve Harrington. Very effectively.

By simply avoiding Steve Harrington.

It’s kind of a foolproof plan, really. He starts wrapping Hellfire earlier, tells the little shitheads he’s gotta run, Wayne needs a hand with a revolving door of household projects now that they’ve got their own place with more than one bedroom. Gotta mount that hangers for that ball cap collection just right, you know, yadda yadda.

He thinks they gave up being suspicious without a week or two, now just hit him with annoyed eye rolls. God bless the scourge of self-centred teenage bitchiness playing directly into eddies hand.

What he failed to account for, however, about eleven weeks into his up-to-now flawless scheme, was…well. The leading man himself.

Showing the fuck up at Eddie’s door, which Eddie answered for once like a fool and now can’t back out of cleanly because there’s no truck in the drive—it’s clear he’s here on his own.

Motherfucker.

One thing can be said for the plan, in terms of like, general side quest observations—absence definitely made the heart grow fonder. Or at least didn’t contribute at all to the opposite. Which Eddie hadn’t been entirely sure was possible, because the speed and strength of how he fell with every fucking cell in him had honestly terrified the shit out of him on its own. But after avoiding Steve, nodding at best if he canoed paths and sneaking away when the man called out like he was gonna snake through a crowd at any of the number of the family dinners for interdimensional-trauma-survivors-anonymous that Eddie couldn’t weasel out of: it’d been clear pretty fucking quick.

The almost-indefensibly-absurd affection he’d developed for the King of Hawkins—it wasn’t just reign over the high school if the parents were so charmed, if the fucking hospital has cowed into acting and quick when they tried to hesitate in treating an accused murderer, as Eddie’d been regaled with by everyone but Steve, who shrugged his kinda crucial role in saving Eddie’s ass with a shrug and of course, man, like there was ever even a question—but his indefensibly overwhelming and absurd infatuation that spent every month expanding further to try and crack his fucking ribs, well.

It was chronic, at best. He wasn’t gonna shake it…any time soon.

Any time soon.

So: best to at least keep the catalyst at bay, stop it from causing the condition to worsen.

He’d made the mistake of thinking it couldn’t get worse already. Learn from your mistakes, and all the shit.

So what if it’s been months now and not only has the malady of being ass-over-nipple in-fucking-love persisted, but got so much fucking worse? Deeper? More, when that shit should have even been possible?

No. He just has to be persistent. Keep at the plan. Eventually, it’ll die off. It’ll whither and blow away. It’ll fucking fade—

He does, however, fail to calculate all contingencies.

Namely Steve Harrington’s incapacity to accept defeat.

He’s also too fucking scatterbrained to check the door before opening it when there’s a knock, just after Wayne’s left for his shift. When Eddie has no excuse to slam it back shut on the exceptionally exquisite face waiting when the hinges swing open.

Exquisite, but looking…pinched. Sour.

Pissed the fuck off.

And worst of all of it—because so far the list only server to underscore that unfortunate state of being fucking beautiful, on every possible level—but worst of it all, because it’s worst on its own but also because it twists, distorts all the beauty, and it’s so clearly Eddie’s fault because Steve is standing right here, and not elsewhere, after all this time.

Looking hurt, under everything else.

“I’m done with this, yeah?”

Eddie could run. He’d only make it to his room; Steve would probably be able to break down the door and get to him before he could slither through the window and run, but he’s still not 100%, right, he’s physically at a disadvantage anyway, it’s not even gonna be a question—

Steve’s got him cornered.

So he just stands. Blinks.

Doesn’t…know what Steve’s ‘done with’, but he feels his literally twist, wring like a dishrag, when he figures out the most likely answer is just:

 Eddie.

Even trying to keep the maximum distance, he either knows, and hates it, hates him, or…

He doesn’t know, and doesn’t need to. He just is over Eddie and his bullshit.

It’s in the heart-piercing distraction of either and both possibilities that Steve pushes past him into the front hall.

“What the fuck is your problem, man?”

Steve crosses his arms as the door latches closed, caging them in.

Eddie’s heart starts kicking hard, which is painful. He assumes that’s because it’s been pierced by the hurt still on Steve’s face.

“I thought we were, like, that at least we were friends?”

He says it like he also has maybe had thoughts like there’s something else they were, or could have been. That by association and context would be somewhere more than friends?

Eddie’s pieced-through heart switches to a double-thumping sort of thing that’s really just as confused as the rest of him.

Hurts like a motherfucker, too.

“Did I do something?”

Steve asks, finally sounds more defeated than any of the other things Eddie can pick up in how he holds his body, and honestly that’s what breaks Eddie’s resolve, of everything; after everything. After holding out this long and failing for the entire fucking effort, after hurting Steve, the last thing he could ever want, probably the main underlying reason he’s been running from him the whole goddamn time—to not hurt him.

He’s suck a fuck up. He’s such a fucking fuck up.

“You know how sunflowers grow?”

Steve startles a little, grows the slightest bit.

“They find the sun, and the grow toward it,” and Eddie’s not stupid enough to think the whole disaster that’s unfolding in front of him, from his own chest, his own fucking mouth—he’s aware.

He can’t do nothing, but he also doesn’t think he can sugarcoat this in a way that goes down easier; sand the rough edges to make it make better sense.

He has to wrench it raw and bloody from his ribs, caught on the jagged bone like the messy fuck he is.

“You were the sun,” Eddie finally says it out loud, and his voice is so small and wondering, he can’t hide it. “You were the sun and I woke up broken, I had to grow back so much and I did, because I had the tools,” he swallows, takes a shaky breath:

“I had the sun right next to me, to do all the growing toward. To…rebuild around.”

Eddie’s always been a weirdo, and outcast—he’s spent a lot of time in libraries; often hiding.

But he’s read a lot of random shit. And enough of it’s stuck to make some sense of this fucking mess.

Steve’s face gives nothing away. It’s usually so…so generous with its feeling, even if there are some feelings Eddie knows Steve’s careful to never let show.

But in the now, he just stares.

“Otters,”Eddie blurts out, fingers twitching, wrists shaking; “they hold hands when they sleep,” and he looks up for a second before looking away again, pulse a mullet in his throat.

“I used to hold onto your hand when I fell asleep in the hospital,” and he says it like it’s a secret, a confession, even though of all people, of course Steve already fucking knows. The part he doesn’t, though:

“I still reach, and how fucked that? Like I deserve it as a rule, like it’s mine.”

Like you’re mine.

He can’t say it. But he doesn’t have it. It rings out on its own.

“But then there are the trees that shoot up all tangled,” Eddie can’t remember what they’re called; “where the trunks split off into one another, or they’re so braided up together the share their bark, whole pieces left Bernal’s, naked but the other tree covers it, makes it strong and safe but only so long as they’re literally fused together indefinitely,” and Eddie hopes that one…that one explains itself.

He pauses, waits for any reaction.

No dice.

“Bats sleep in pitcher plants.”

That at least gets the slightest lift of the chin. Probably because it’s weird, and also…bats.

Right. So Eddie’s gonna have to spell it all out.

Which he kinda knew. The examples are fucking weird. But they’re…they’re true. They’re where he is.

“If I get too fucking close, I will destroy you,” Eddie says, because that’s the fear, right—or no.

That’s the fucking truth. Eddie always ends up with the tatters of the things he loves the most.

“I’ll take too much, I’ll take everything,” Eddie confesses, pleads in his tone to be seen, which Steve’s always been weirdly good at, and understood—the bigger gamble.

“There won’t be any stoplights, there won’t be a barrier or a boundary where I’ll know I’ve gone too far because I won’t even think of what that fucking is, what it could be to even watch for, like the barebones idea of ‘too far’, let alone what it looks like, I won’t,” and his breath runs out, so he gasps, and he thinks he sees Steve move to reach, to help, to steady.

He thinks.

It’s probably just wishful thinking.

“I won’t stop holding on just when I’m sleeping, I’ll,” Eddie licks his lips, because now…now he’sstarting to hurt, closer to what it felt like with teeth ripping his flesh than anything has felt, than any loss has threatened. He has to clear his throat, because otherwise the rest will just spill out like a sob:

“I’ll tear your bark so you bleed, and you’re exposed and you die off slow, because I was selfish, so selfish, I held to close, I fucking…” eddies voice cracks; his eyes fucking burn; “because I fucking demanded the whole of you, and damn the cost because I couldn’t process an end, why would I stop doing to even think to be logical and careful when an end to you was, is, well, fuck,” he huffs, and a tear spills out white hot down his cheek;

“It’s incomprehensible, because that would be the end of everything, that was made real fucking clear for me with the bats, both times,” and Eddie means that—he’s had time to think through the origin of his aching and it was early, it was any hint of being in the world without this person in it, too; “and the end of everything, well,” he shakes his head, some of his hair sticking in the single trail of salt on his skin:

“Tied up in you, so tight we couldn’t physically untangle?” His voice drops to a whisper, and he knows his smile has to look sad, but he means this is the deepest places his heart even holds:

“What better way to go?”

He maybes watches Steve’s throat bobbing. Maybe.

Probably not.

So Eddie just sighs. Because…none of that matters. None of that matters in the face of the core truth:

“Those pitcher plants dissolve things inside them, it’s how they eat,” he half-recites, retreating into those deep-heart places, where the feeling is most saturated, but hard to find, somewhere to hide as he whispers, cowers in himself as he flats his own flesh:

“I’ll leech from you for wanting too much just the same. I’ll fucking destroy you, Stevie,” he moans, feels his arms wrap around his chest, protective. Trembling.

“I’ll love you so hard I’ll suffocate you, I’ll tear you to pieces trying to get closer, trying to hold the heart of you closer to mine,” he doesn’t even make a conscious decision to press a palm over his flailing heart where his arm already holds, hugs himself so fucking tight. His lungs are sore. It’s tight, trying to breathe.

“It’s not an overstatement, though, the other plants, the flowers,” Eddie feels overwhelmed, suddenly, with a need to make clear that there’s only one person at fault for this, and it’s him—Steve didn’t deserve to get hurt. Eddie should have found a better way to keep him safe—from Eddie—from the very start. Because—

“You are my sun,” Eddie makes himself look up, look at Steve. “I didn’t realize how little I was growing even before spring break. I didn’t notice, how fucking thriving wasn’t even in my goddamn vocabulary, until there was you.” His breathing shudders again, followed by the rest of him:

“I turn toward you as a rule,” because here’s the thing. All these weeks and months.

Eddie’s been shrivelling. Eddie spends his nights dreaming of sunlight.

It’s inescapable.

He was going to have to find a more sustainable compromise soon, anyway. Might as well…lay it all out now.

He’s already ripped off his bark. He’s already prepared to dissolve in the acid, to burn for what it means to have left the feeling grow so big.

“I hope,” he coughs, starts slow, formal-like: “I hope you can do me the favor of just,” he has to clear his throat again; fuck, it’s hard; “politely ignoring that part. Like, even at a distance, it’s not something I can seem to stop.”

He was aiming for apologetic for that last bit, honest.

He fucking fails spectacularly, so. That’s cool.

“I swear, I won’t bother you,” he tries to convey how he’s sorry, for all of it, save for the core of the loving, because he as granted. A taste, no matter how it’s fallen to ruin; he’s selfish that way anyhow, to have seen some of the sun versus darkness alone for always.

Still:

“I won’t come near, I’ll do what I’ve been doing but better, I’ll be better, I’ll try harder, it will—“

Eddie thinks maybe he’s finally died. Of heartbreak, of whatever the Upside Down did to him. Of living without his sun for a long.

Any. All of the above.

Because the next thing he knows is pressure. Heat.

On his lips.

He barely processes responding before its town away: of course death wouldn’t be a reward. Not for him.

“Are you fucking telling me,” a voice bites out close enough to Eddie’s lips that he can feel how sharp they cut:

“That you have been avoiding me, running awayfrom me,” and Eddie knows that voice—

“Breaking my heart,” and fuck, fuck Eddie knows he knows that voice because when it’s hurting—and those words are irate and disbelieving and they’re hurt—

“Because you’re fucking scared of loving me too hard?”

And Eddie pulls back, opens his eyes: Steve.

Steve’s eyes are fucking vibrant with feeling, so many feelings. He’s…he doesn’t think he’s dead, because a lot of those feelings are ones Eddie’s not familiar with, and how would he know to place them there if he’s never known them at all?

He doesn’t know of it’s better or worse, to not be dead right now.

Because he just apparently got to feel Steve’s lips on his lips.

But then:

“Because that’s what you’re saying, right” Steve raises a brow, demands in posture as much as in tone:

“You’re in love with me.”

And then on the flip side of being alive-or-dead: he has to deal with the consequences of spelling out the answer to…that.

Which he’s apparently broken Steve’s heart over handling…the only way he could figure out. And still fucking it up.

“That sounds less than what it feels like,” Eddie whispers; it’s the only thing he can latch on to.

Steve’s eyes narrow at him, contemplate him.

“And you think me, of all people,” Steve finally asks, slow, his tone wrenchingly deliberate; “that Iwouldn’t meet someone loving that big and that much,” “and he huffs, shakes his head in searing disbelief Eddie almost wishes he could flinch from, but it’s so warm, it’s his sun:

“That that wouldn’t feel like there actually was a heaven, and I’d died and somehow made it there?”

Eddie’s breath catches, then stops entirely. He can’t seem to properly suck in another one because…

“That finding that wouldn’t feel like I’d won the lottery, like I’d figured out what it meant when people talk about a blessing, and all that shit?”

Because what…what it almost sounds like Steve is saying can’t actually be—

“That finding it, with you,” and oh, oh Steve is a lot closer than he was last Eddie processed the world around him, his chest is grazing Eddie’s chest when he seems to have no trouble breathing, just is doing it really deep and reallt fast—

“That it’d be anything less than a gift,” Steve murmurs half against Eddie’s lips; “a dream come to life?”

And Steve’s eyes flick up, and it’s when they land on Eddie’s and see him that his lungs shiver and he chokes out the only word he thinks his every molecule knows by heart:

“Steve?”

And Steve doesn’t move, neither. Loser nor farther away.

Doesn’t look away; doesn’t blink.

Just asks:

“Do you love me?”

And something in Eddie unfreezes, some string holding him up, holding him back snaps free and he just grabs Steve’s hand and presses it to his chest, like he needs to be tethered now that the string in him’s been cut, and the touch, this touch: Steve is really all he’s been wanting to keep him.

To keep him at all.

And maybe this is the one shot he gets.

But Steve, Steve said…

He presses Steve’s hand to his chest a little harder, because he’s bathed in the sun again. Their hands are linked, and they’re not asleep. He’s peeled off all the pretense, he’s as bare and vulnerable as he can possibly get. His heart’s beating into Steve palm. Eddie will happily fucking drown in this, dissolve and be…

He’s already consumed.

How is it any different, save that maybe, just maybe, beyond all odds and against everything he’s feared—

“More than I can hold in here,” Eddie scarcely finds the air to breathe; “more than I can say.”

“Then share it,” Steve says, the assuredness, the rightness in his gravity that’s always been at his core radiating forth and warming Eddie in a way he’s never known to feel before.

“Let me know it, let that feeling not be alone anymore,” and the words hold more than their syllables, by so much; “let it out to see the sun,” and then Steve’s flipping their hands so eddies the one caught agains this chest, but he’s always pulling them close enough that Steve’s knuckles are still catching the drum of Eddie’s pulse. It feels…

Eddie didn’t know what to expect, to let the feeling be felt beyond his own chest.

It’s breathtaking in a new way. It’s…

“Let it meet its match here, in how I feel,” Steve doesn’t suggest, just speaks, instructs, leads with a match to what Eddie feels, has been drowning in, save where it stole his air it’s breathing into him; where it took his light it’s reinventing the sun as Steve murmurs close, so close to his lips:

“Let it see how it was killing me all this time without you,” and Eddie whimpers for the cost of what he’s done, what he felt so sure he had to do—

“Let the feeling inside here,” and he presses his touch back to Eddie’s chest just a little bit firmer; “know how much sharing it’s like stitching my broken heart back to rights.”

Eddie’s exhales shakes so fucking hard; he can’t be this lucky. It can’t…he can’t…

But his heart’s beating so hard, so fast, so free.

So fucking alive.

“You can’t say it, big enough?” Steve pushes, his breath so goddamn warm, his lashes so thick, Eddie wants to feel them on his skin like a blessing, a sacrament:

“You can’t say it? Then show me, instead.”

And Steve looks up at him before he grabs around the back of Eddie’s neck, pulls him close enough that speaking rubs their lips together, more combative than affectionate but still undeniably intimate as Steve growls:

“Fucking months, Eddie, Jesus,” and his grip is firm, but there’s no force, Eddie could pull back, Eddie could try to run, and fail, but how could he, how could he ever—

His hand’s crushed to Steve’s chest. The same wild thrum he feels in his veins is there.

Let it meet its match.

“Make up for it,” Steve’s breath trembles on Eddie’s lips, taunts him, begs him, asks so many questions.

Eddie flips their hands one more time, presses Steve’s hand to his heartbeat with nothing less than desperation until his ribs goddamn creak, and then he leans, makes the pressure bigger—

Meets the feeling in Steve with all the feeling in him with their lips on each other like they mean it this time, ready to dissolve in it. To grow themselves to protect around the soft parts. To keep their hands entwined for always.

To come alive inside this sun.

✨permanent tag list: OPEN (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @ajeff855 @allmyfavoritethingsinoneblog @anthrobrat @askitwithflours @awkwardgravity1 @bookworm0690 @bumblebeecuttlefishes @captain--low @depressed-freak13 @dragoon-ze-great @dreamercec @dreamwatch @dreamy-jeans137 @estrellami-1 @friendlyneighborhoodgaycousin @goodolefashionedloverboi @grtwdsmwhr @gunsknivesandplaid @hiei-harringtonmunson @hbyrde36 @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @kimsnooks @live-laugh-love-dietrich @madigoround @mensch-anthropos-human @nerdyglassescheeseychick @notaqueenakhaleesi @ollyxar @pearynice @perseus-notjackson @pretend-theres-a-name-here

divider credit here

[kenzan-brainrot-mp4]

More pirate yakuzer ending ranting (I have been so unwell literally all day over this fuckass game it's not even funny)

It's so fucked up to me that pirate yakuza technically had a "perfect ending". Like you literally have one of the most upbeat endings to a yakuza game I can think of; everyone won, none of the protagonists' allies/friends/family had to die to make it happen (INSANE concept for a yakuza game I know, rgg should be proud of themselves for that one), they found the damn treasure and kept it all without tearing each other apart over it, Noah got to fulfill his dream without getting traumatized, the Rich family's relationship is. Well idk if it's completely fixed but it's certainly better now. AND Majima got payback on that fuckass squid that made him lose his memories. And Majima Construction's getting back off the ground to help wrap up the whole ex-yakuza conflict as a neat little bonus.

Like, in terms of conflict resolution, this is as good as it's gonna get like ever. Straight up fairytale "the real treasure was the friends we made along the way" levels of success right there. Pretty much Any other Yakuza game would Never give you an ending this clean without any heartbreak to agonize over. Or at least that's how it Seems, for like 98% of the ending sequence, and then the game throws some of the most gut wrenching shit ever at you.

Majima was literally able to (again, without ANY losses) accomplish everything he could've possibly wanted in Hawaii. Except the One Thing he sought out to find when he left for Hawaii in the first place, before the game even started. He ran off to chase after a fantasy, and you know he did basically find what would be a fantasy to anyone else, but it wasn't the one he was looking for.

The hard dose of reality in the last few minutes of the game was a Crazy move. Pyih as a whole lowkey felt like a fever dream, but that last scene, the dawning realization of Why Majima was going to Hawaii in the first place was like waking up and realizing that things still kind of suck in the real world.

Also just like. The theme of dreams in general? (Oh my god it's like yakuza 5 all over again no way). Noah's dream to see the world, Jason's dream to finally find that treasure, Rodriguez's too while we're at it, etc. Literally everyone got their dream fulfilled on that fuckass adventure despite how hopeless it all seemed at the start. Or at least, almost everyone's. Majima's dream before he got amnesia was equally as hopeless and absurd if not more, because he, technically, should know better. In any other circumstance if someone told Majima Goro that there was some magical treasure that could make you live forever and Also hopefully cure cancer he'd laugh in their face, but the way Saejima described his actions made it seem like he was, really, dead serious (or just desperate. Definitely desperate) on trying to find it. And well, we all know how that turned out. Hell its even worse because basically according to Saejima, Majima's dream was so much bigger than just that treasure, it was Kiryu himself. And we all know how hopeless That's been for who knows how long at this point. (Something something "guys our age are supposed to be smart enough not to go chasin' legends." something something Kiryu constantly bring referred to as the "legendary yakuza/dragon")

(On a sidenote, it's so fucking funny to me that everyone on Nele Island (including Majima if he hadn't gotten amnesia on the way there) was basically going "*rubs hands together* I'm going to look for this secret ancient treasure behind the others' backs and Not tell anyone else about it" all at the same time. That's pretty fucking hilarious, if I ignore the absolute agony of the Majima Implications. I love you pirate yakuza you were such a game)

And then as if all that wasn't enough, the game makes sure to give you an extra kick in the dick by basically telling you that the "eternal life elixir" that everyone was looking for was under their noses the Entire Time. They were literally All There where it was, and now it's at the bottom of the ocean, and the only man who knew about it is dead.

Not that it really mattered by then, for the mostpart. Everyone who was after the treasure had basically made their peace that the legend they were hunting after wasn't gonna be there. Jason and Noah, most notably, decided that they ultimately didn't need it, because Noah would be fine, and his condition wouldn't hold him down. Like he said, it could be a lot worse. But considering Majima's. Dubious amounts of peace he's made with Kiryu, and the fact that he, out of everyone in the crew, was left in the dark about those final clues about where the "treasure" really was? Damn. That's crazy. That shit hurted.

Also the fact that they literally made Majima encounter a whale too when that's where the "Heart of the Dragon" originated from? Bro was so close to finding what he was "truly" looking for so many times. And he basically Just missed every step of the way. And I just think that's a little fucked up.

Like idk, just the fact that rgg can pack so much bittersweetness into such a generally joyful game in the span of like 10 minutes is insane. The way that they can cast the whole game in a different light, by revealing Majima’s true intentions for his Hawaii trip, by having his last line of the game basically take it all back to the beginning (woah re-playability) but in what feels like almost an entirely different, far more depressing context, was genius. (Do you think that Kiryu ever got to know that Majima went to Hawaii for him or do you think that Majima plans to keep that part in the dark forever? I mean he was willing to die for Haruka once because he knew that she was one of the only joys in Kiryu's life and he sure as hell didn't get to know about that soo...). Just. Damn rgg. They really had me thinking this would be their one game that was almost entirely feel-good (for the mainstory at least), only to me serve the most insane gut punch I've felt in a While. Good job guys.

Tl;dr That ending ruined my entire day. It was perfect. Pirate Yakuza in Hawaii is a love story guys pack up and go home.

[ohdorothea]

Which Taylor Swift Song is Queerer? Album by Album Tournament - Bonus Round

Welcome back to the Taylor Swift’s Queerest Song Album by Album tournament!!! We have reached the end of the album tournaments and four songs from each of Taylor’s albums have been voted to be The Queerest songs from each album. All of those songs will be competing in the Ultimate Bracket, alongside the top four songs from the Unreleased and Miscellaneous rounds that are ongoing. There are still eight slots left to be filled in the bracket. So welcome to…. the Bonus Round!!!

At the above link you can find a Google form in which you can cast eight votes! I have chosen from all the songs that didn’t make the final cut and picked 26 that I believe deserve a second chance. The songs you can choose from are…

1. A Place In This World

2. Better Than Revenge

3. But Daddy I Love Him

4. champagne problems

5. Change

6. Crazier

7. Cruel Summer

8. Eyes Open

9. Fortnight

10. Getaway Car

11. Glitch

12. I Wish You Would

13. Labyrinth

14. ME!

15. Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince

16. My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys

17. Paris

18. Peter

19. Snow On The Beach ft More Lana*

20. Stay Stay Stay

21. Tied Together With a Smile

22. The Man

23. The Manuscript

24. The Other Side of the Door

25. The Lucky One

26. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

I have also written a voting guide below the cut with my reasoning for including each of the songs with links to anything I think might sway your vote!

This Google form will be open until the 1st of June so you have until then to decide where to allocate those eight votes!

*original Snow On The Beach did not win a place in the final tournament

Bonus Round Voting Guide (made by ME!)

A Place In This World

I think this song is queer because… This is the original Swiftian song about questioning your place in a heteronormative cis world.

If The Outside is about begging to be let into that world, this is the song about sensing deep down that even if you could fit into that world it’s not the place for you.

This is the song about wanting to get away from the restriction of trying to be someone else even if it means being isolated, even if it means having no one else on your side, because you know there is a place out there that is meant for you.

I think this is cemented by the A Place In This World x New Romantics mash up Taylor played on the final night of The Eras Tour

Better Than Revenge

I think this song is queer because… This song has oh so many of the classic Swiftian queer motifs!!! Triangulation of desire (shout out to Kathryn’s betty essay for teaching me the concept), referring to boyfriends as ‘toys’, revenge, spending a song that is meant to be about losing a guy talking about a girl instead, walking the line between fury and horny, the list goes on!!

Also in the outro she literally asks the woman to “show me how much better you are” and if that’s not a lesbian proposition I don’t know what is.

I also want to link to this PowerPoint that also makes a lot of great points

But Daddy I Love Him

I think this song is queer because… while there are many interpretations that fit this song to me it screams gay awakening in a small religious community and fantasising about breaking out of misogynistic homophobic culturally expected ‘self control’.

Running with her dress unbuttoned, being pregnant out of wedlock, her lover being described as ‘crazy’ by her community all point to a narrator who feels confined by the expectations put on her by her religion/religious community.

“If all you want is grey for me / Then it's just white noise / And it's just my choice” also follows in the vein of OOTW / illicit affairs / Question…?/The Prophecy lyrics comparing life without this type of love as grey/colourless and life with the love as colourful, a motif I very much consider to be queer.

I also think the tour staging of the song very much is telling a queer narrative

The song starts and the dancers are all in white coming from this grey colourless world behind them (very Wizard of Oz)

And Taylor/the narrator is in front (imo imagery matching the image of a young queer person being the first person they know to come out/realise their own queerness)

Skipping to further in the choreography, Taylor is standing in the middle of what seems like a community gathering/religious gathering and then goes to her knees, following the dancers in choreography that looks like prayer/begging/pleading

But then as the story of the song progresses she gets up (Tonight we'll stand, get off our knees anyone?)

And not only that as she rises through the air she is surrounded by flames! It gives me the image of someone who has been told being queer is a sin that will send them to hell and now she’s just embracing the flames

Shout out to this post as well as it helped form my thoughts

champagne problems

I think this song is queer because… I have since first listen felt like this song’s narrator is a queer woman. I’ve moved through different interpretations of the exact events or identifies of those involved but it has always been for me the story of a queer woman who is in a ‘perfect’ relationship to outsiders but in the moment the person proposes she realises she has made a mistake.

That she can’t spend her life being the person she needs to be to stay in this relationship, she must break this person she love’s heart to be able to find herself and live her life authentically.

The line that particularly leads me to this interpretation is ‘“she would have made such a lovely bridge / what a shame she’s fucked in the head” they said / but you’ll find the real thing instead’.

Within the song this is sung with defeat and devastation, even self hate. However in the performance of the song during The Eras Tour I feel she really reclaims the lyrics and makes it into something else.

Shout out to Kathryn’s We Were Happy / champagne problems essay

Change

I think this song is queer because… This song has always been a queer anthem to me!

I don’t really have a clear argument other than when I listened to this song as 13 year old baby queer it stirred something in my little queer heart and every time I’ve listened since I feel the same way. Because these things will CHANGE!!!!!!

And I do think the bridge lyrics are called back in quite a few more recent songs;

Tonight we stand, -> Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

get off our knees -> Fifteen years, fifteen million tears / Begging 'til my knees bled

Fight for what we've worked for all these years -> 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave

And the battle was long, -> I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me

it's the fight of our lives -> It's the goddamn fight of my life

But we'll stand up champions tonight -> As if you were a mythical thing / Like you were a trophy or a champion ring / And there was one prize I'd cheat to win

Crazier

I think this song is queer because… It is a classically Swiftian move to compare falling in love with the narrator losing her mind or because ‘crazy’ (The Way I Loved You, Don’t Blame Me, Wonderland, Welcome To New York, False God, I Don’t Wanna Love Forever are just a few examples).

To me Crazier is kind of the core of this motif. It tells the story of a narrator who meets someone that changes their life by leading a kind of life that the narrator never dreamed of being possible for them self.

The second verse really encapsulates this; I watched from a distance as you / Made life your own / Every sky was your own kind of blue / And I wanted to know how that would feel / And you made it so real / You showed me something that I couldn't see / You opened my eyes and you made me believe

And then the bridge, while being short and straight to the point, I think solidifies this as a song about queerness to me; Baby, you showed me what living is for / I don't wanna hide anymore

Cruel Summer

I think this song is queer because… it’s new! The shape of your body! I don’t want keep secrets just to keep you! I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard? It’s NEW! THE SHAPE OF YOUR BODY!!!!!!!!

If those lyrics don’t convince you then I present to you this web weave and the idea that the song is about The Great Gatsby (we were so Gatsby for that whole year!)

And if that doesn’t convince you I present to the sophisticates amongst you, RPF;

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer, just to seal my fate

Eyes Open

I think this song is queer because… ok so let’s say hypothetically you are a closeted queer country pop singer songwriter who is becoming very famous and scrutinised and you wanted to write a song about it.

If we take Eyes Open away from the context it was released (for The Hunger Games movies) I think this song tells the story of a narrator who is experiencing this hypothetical. I also think the song ties in a lot of themes and ideas that appear again and again in Taylor’s discography.

Everybody's waiting / Everybody's watching -> Somethin' happens when everybody finds out / See the vultures circlin', dark clouds

Even when you're sleeping / Keep your ey-eyes open ->

The tricky thing is yesterday we were just children -> Oh, darlin', don't you ever grow up / Don't you ever grow up

Playing soldiers, just pretending -> Long may you reign

Dreaming dreams with happy endings -> It could stay this simple / And no one's ever burned you / Nothing's ever left you scarred

In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords / But now we've stepped into a cruel world -> It’s cruel summer with you

Where everybody stands and keeps score -> I didn't know you were keeping count

So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard -> Baby, I know places we won't be found

Every lesson forms a new scar -> We cry tears of mascara in the bathroom / Honey, life is just a classroom

They never thought you'd make it this far -> Someday I’ll be living in a big old city / and all you're ever gonna be is mean

But turn around / Oh, they've surrounded you / It's a showdown -> I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides

And nobody comes to save you now -> You could have helped if you had wanted to / But no one notices until it's too late to do anything

But you've got something they don't / Yeah, you've got something they don't -> So we've been outnumbered / Raided and now cornered / It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair / We're getting stronger now / Find things they never found

Keep your feet ready / Heartbeat steady -> Walkin' through a crowd, the village is aglow / Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats

Keep your eyes open / Keep your aim locked -> Dear reader, when you aim at the devil / Make sure you don't miss

The night goes dark / Keep your lights open -> This love is glowing in the dark

I’d also like to shout out Kathryn’s interpretation of this song that they posted on the poll, I really love this interpretation as well!!!

Fortnight

I think this song is queer because… I actually think there are two different queer interpretations of this song that I really enjoy.

The first is in quite a few classic Swiftian way - she talks about a husband but uses you to address her lover, the narrator is clearly miserable within her life of heterosexual expectations and she says loving this person has ‘ruined her life’. Falling in love with a woman would certainly ruin the life of someone stuck in a heterosexual marriage.

I also think the way she uses touch as a metaphor is connected to lots of other queer songs in her discography - I was gonna type this all up but I actually made two web weaves about it already so I’ll link the first here and second one here.

But the second reading of this song that is also explicitly queer is the doppelgänger reading. Other people have written about this better than I can but I do have a little collage I made;

Like!!!!!!!!! The gender of it all!!!! Like I lost my twin!!!!!!!

Getaway Car

I think this song is queer because… in my head Getaway Car and Cruel Summer tell the same story in two parts and both parts are queer as hell.

In my interpretation Getaway Car is a song about a narrator who leaves a relationship with a man to be with a woman but then back tracks on coming out so she also abandons the woman. Cruel Summer is Getaway Car from the other woman’s perspective.

I came to this interpretation after realising that the end of Getaway Car and the beginning of Cruel Summer sound so similar (if you watch this video from 3:45mins until Cruel Summer starts hopefully you will see what I mean!)

So once I heard the similarities I started seeing the similarities in the stories as well. Both stories start with intense heat (I struck a match and blew your mind -> Fever dream high in the quiet of the night).

Both stories take place almost entirely within cars. Both narrators describe a relationship that is unlikely to work (Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes / What doesn't kill me makes me want you more -> I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed / We never had a shotgun shot in the dark)

But there are also differences within the perspectives. Getaway Car’s narrator is already driving away, while Cruel Summer’s narrator is stuck in the moment she said ‘I love you’, still seeing the relationship through rose coloured glasses. Getaway Car’s narrator is not ready to step out of the closest and commit to this relationship but Cruel Summer’s narrator doesn’t want to keep secrets but wants to keep this woman she loves!

This turned out way longer than anticipated so I will stop there but I’d also like to offer up the video played before Getaway Car at the reputation tour;

Glitch

I think this song is queer because… I think there’s been a WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE JUST FRIENDS!!! Now regardless of what this song is about in this Canon Swiftian universe I have always heard this song as a song about your first queer relationship.

And I think it ties in so many themes from other songs in Taylor’s work; friends to lovers, not wanting to apologise for her love, that perhaps this love she wants is not real, comparing love to substances, her love not standing a chance, DANCING!!!! It really has it all.

I Wish You Would

I think this song is queer because… ‘We're a crooked love / In a straight line down / Makes you wanna run and hide / Then it makes you turn right back around’ are to me some of the most explicitly queer lyrics in her entire discography!

The song is also built around a sample from a song called ‘She Drives Me Crazy’. This links with the motif I have already talked about where Taylor describes love as if she’s losing her mind. Dolly Parton also covered the song, and while it’s not explicitly a queer cover (she changes the she to you, although isn’t that such a Taylor move) I wanted to mention it because the cover goes SO. FUCKING. HARD. Highly recommend.

Labyrinth

I think this song is queer because… it just feels queer to me ok!!!!!!!!! I’m not usually one for advocating for queerness based on vibes but for me if I am going to use this argument for ONE song it’s this one. The production, the way she’s singing, lyrics they all just FEEL queer to me! I said what I said.

ME!

I think this song is queer because…

Spelling is fun! That is all 🌈🦄🏳️‍🌈💗

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

I think this song is queer because… I mean first things first this Halsey tweet lives in my head rent free:

But honestly I hadn’t thought about it much until I read Kathryn’s post about the song being a set up to Lavender Haze. I love this interpretation so much and totally see the vision!

My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys

I think this song is queer because… it’s intersection of gender + objectification + doppelgängerism for me!!

Ok so the song is tied to the idea that the narrator’s lover saw her as a toy.

The metaphor of people as toys is not a new idea in the Swiftian universe. However previously she has used it to describe her muses. As far as I know it was introduced as a metaphor in Better Than Revenge (Soon, she's gonna find stealing other people's toys / On the playground won't make you many friends)

She then used it again in Don’t Blame Me (I've been breakin' hearts a long time, and / Toyin' with them older guys /Just playthings for me to use) then again in Cruel Summer (Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price / You know that I bought it) then again in Hits Different (I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost).

And now, the role is flipped. She is the toy, was the plaything, she was ghosted. But she isn’t just a doll, she’s an army doll. In traditional gender roles it’s boys who play with the type of doll she is. She is also a doll built for war, battle, instead of romance.

She is queen only of temporary unstable castles that are washed away by the see, once more invisible. Her lover puts her back on the shelf because the heat of her touch, the intensity of this relationship, is too much for her lover to bare. But even with all that she’d play again! She’d be willing to pretend again because she ‘felt more when we played pretend / Than with all the Kens’.

However you cut it all this reads as super queer to me. I’d also like to shout out Charlotte’s web weave that I really love.

Paris

I think this song is queer because… it’s the parallels with Down Bad for me!

I wanna brainwash you / Into loving me forever -> Just to do experiments on / Tell me I was the chosen one

I wanna transport you / To somewhere the culture's clever -> I'll build you a fort on some planet / Where they can all understand it

Confess my truth / In swooping, sloping, cursive letters -> They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about the existence of you

Let the only flashing lights be the tower at midnight / In my mind -> Did you really beam me up? / In a cloud of sparkling dust

We drew a map on your bedroom ceiling -> Show me that this world is bigger than us

No, I didn't see the news -> What if I can't have us / I might just not get up / I might stay down bad

Peter

I think this song is queer because… ‘Forgive me, Peter, my lost fearless leader / In closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids / Is it something I did?’ For my money those are the loudest queerest saddest most tragic beautiful lyrics in Taylor’s ENTIRE discography!!!

But then it’s ALSO in the same song as ‘As the men masqueraded, I hoped you'd return’ and ‘I've heard great things, Peter, but life was always easier on you / Than it was on me / And sometimes it gets me, when crossing your jet stream / We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon / In different galaxies’ AND ‘You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me’ like!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ve also made many many web weaves about this song that I think make my position pretty clear.

I also want to shout out this web weave that I love and Charlotte’s post that I also love

Snow On The Beach ft More Lana

I think this song is queer because… it’s quite literally a in canon love duet between two women that features references to the You Are In Love, Down Bad, and Janet Jackson, a prominent queer ally and gay icon. The lyrics revolves around the the narrator’s disbelief that this love is a ‘real thing’ and sounds like falling in love while in danger but also like being so in love you don’t care what comes next.

Truly so surprised it didn’t make it further in the Midnights tournament! To me it feels like one of the most obviously queer songs in her whole discography but I do think it was at a disadvantaged because most people know the original album version better and that is much much less queer to me.

It really does show to me how much different production can make to how a song is perceived! And it is interesting that this is the version hidden away one of the many re-releases.

Stay Stay Stay

I think this song is queer because… it’s about compulsive heterosexuality!

Taylor has talked about writing this as a daydream about a future relationship that is better than her past loves. The secret message for the song is ‘Daydreaming about real love’.

But the relationship the song describes sounds like a nightmare (dressed as a daydream?).

‘I'm pretty sure we almost broke up last night / I threw my phone across the room at you’ ‘You think that it's funny when I'm mad, mad, mad’ ‘I love you, because you have given me no choice but to / Stay, stay, stay’

Behind the cutesy country pop of this song is a controlling violent volatile relationship! So her choice to present the song as a daydream about her future is so fascinating to me. Regardless of her own interpretation of the song to me this is a song about having a nightmare about what staying within the confines of compulsive heterosexuality will bring.

Tied Together With A Smile

I think this song is queer because…

So I’ve already written here about my theory about gold representing self acceptance of queerness, which I’m linking to because my interpretation of TTWS is linked to it.

I didn’t include TTWS in that post because I was focusing on Taylor’s more recent discography but I do think that it fits into the overarching metaphor.

‘Hold on, baby, you're losing it / The water's high, you're jumping into it / And letting go, and no one knows / That you cry, but you don't tell anyone / That you might not be the golden one / And you're tied together with a smile / But you're coming undone’

So to me this is describing a narrator who thinks being ‘golden’ means being heterosexual. That the only way she can accept herself/that she will be accepted is by being straight. And she’s so terrified that she’s not straight, that she isn’t the golden one, that she cannot fulfil the expectations being placed on her. She is barely holding it all together with a smile.

This link was my reason for choosing this song for the bonus round, however when I revisited the lyrics for this write up there were some other lyrics that really stood out to me.

‘I guess it's true that love was all you wanted / 'Cause you're givin' it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket / But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain / Oh, 'cause it's not his price to pay’

To me ‘cause it’s not his price to pay’ is signifying that the narrator cannot be loved romantically by this boy because she is not a straight woman.

The Man

I think this song is queer because… it’s actually so queer / so gender that there have been multiple web weaves made about it including one by me and by Kathryn!!!

And I mean we obviously have to talk about the music video in which Taylor creates a literal drag performance of The Man.

Which she then recreates with her dancers in The Eras performance.

And also the lyrics literally say if she was a man Taylor could brag about all the ‘bitches and models’ she’s fucked like!!!!!!!!! CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME OVER WHATEVER THE QUEER FUCK IS GOING ON THIS SONG??

The Manuscript

I think this song is queer because… of three sets of tags left on the poll that The Manuscript lost that immediately won the song a place in this Bonus Round.

The Other Side of the Door

I think this song is queer because… the door is the closet door!

The door as an object is a motif that shows up again and again in Taylor’s work. It’s a way she is locked out, trapped in, separated from her lover. And if we are reading that motif through a queer lens I would argue almost every door motif in Taylor’s discography is alluding to the closet, and it all starts in my mind with this song!

‘Wait there in the pouring rain, come back for more / And don't you leave 'cause I know / All I need is on the other side of the door’

Her lover is out in the open, in the pouring rain, waiting for her to come out. And she knows they are there, and she wants them to wait! But she’s not ready to open the door.

This idea was also fuelled by the door imagery in Taylor’s later work including the I Know Places 1989 tour performance.

Like look at it!!! It’s such strong visual storytelling. And while I was finding these images another image caught my eye:

This is the imagery from the Fearless platinum edition!!!! It ties back to all the other songs about doors! It’s the original door!!!!!!!!

The Lucky One

I think this song is queer because… well I’ve always loved the interpretation of the line ‘your lover in the foyer doesn’t even know you’ as a reference to bearding which is why I initially included this song in the Bonus Round HOWEVER when I had a look at the lyrics a new queer interpretation jumped out at me that I really really love. Imagine the song as a narrative about a trans singer!

‘New to town with a made-up name / In the angel's city, chasing fortune and fame / And the camera flashes make it look like a dream / You had it figured out since you were in school / Everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool / So overnight, you look like a '60s queen’

Does anyone else see my vision??? Regardless I think there is something queer about the reinvention and the relationship between the narrator and the muse.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

I think this song is queer because… for lots of reasons (Betty connections / doppelgängerism / genderism) but the reason that has stuck in my head since a little while after TTPD came out was sent on anon to someone I follow and I DIDN’T SAVE IT so I’m gonna do my best to pass on that anon’s queer wisdom.

The anon basically connected The Smallest Man’s Eraser tour costume

With the costumes in the ME! music video

With the lyrics ‘And I don't even want you back, I just want to know / If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal’. And ever since I read that anon message my little rpf brain has been whizzing and buzzing thinking about it.

And that’s the end of maybe the longest post I’ve ever written!

If you read to this point I love you and here is a gold star ⭐️

[1dcommunityficrecs]

Fic Rec: Series!

Welcome to April, and no fooling, we have 10 amazing series for you -- and I don't even know how many fics between them! To quote Harry:

Anyways, as usual -- please read, reblog, kudos, comment, show the love, and look out for the next category!

Vexxieverse by SomeDovesFly/@somedovesfly (616774, Explicit, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik/Liam Payne/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

Fluff in handcuffs! Healthy bdsm and poly relationship

Reccer says: It's full of trust and love, and shows healthy dynamics both for a polycule and a BDSM relationship

The Duke and the Poor Sods Who Work For Him by LadyLondonderry/@londonfoginacup (8683, Teen, Multi) – fic post

Duke Louis decides he needs a hermit for his woods and his long suffering butler Liam must find one for him. Also, Duke Louis tries to woo tailor Harry in increasingly desperate but unhinged ways.

Reccer says: This series was so hilarious and unhinged and I loved every word of it!

where the lights are beautiful by twoshipsdrifting/@polkadotlou (48935, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post Warnings: Dubcon due to omegaverse heat

An omegaverse, accidental bonding fic where alpha Harry has the wrong idea about omega Louis

Reccer says: This fic makes me cry every time I reread it when Louis' thoughts just hurt in the best way. And the continuing series of fics adds amazing depth and insight to the first fic.

stand on holy ground by wishingforloushair/@wishingforloushair (17322, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) Warnings: religious themes, debauchery in the church

harry is a priest and louis is a sinner who goes to harry for guidance. they also fuck.

Reccer says: this fic series taught me how to pray the rosary. no i am not kidding. i don’t think id be able to do it right now but i know how to do it!

Please Remain on the Line by fckingfreakshow (24441, Not Rated, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson)

harry’s looking for love, or at the very least a date that doesn’t make him want to walk off the brooklyn bridge. his friends call him a serial dater, but he prefers romantically persistent. he believes in the process and sometimes, you gotta kiss a few toads and pay sketchy astrology sites for the answers. what he really wants is simple. someone fun, who keeps him on his toes, who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. someone who’ll flirt shamelessly, make him laugh, maybe even whisper sweet nothings into his ear… he just didn’t expect the last part to be so…literal.

Reccer says: Killer banter. Unique concept. Disaster gay Harry. It’s so, so fun.

Down the Line by sunflouwerhabit/@sunflouwerhabit (280000, General, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

Star shortstop Louis Tomlinson only finds solace between the white-chalk lines of a baseball diamond, until Harry Styles- the absolute bane of his existence and (probably) the worst pitcher in Major League Baseball- becomes an overnight sensation in the city Louis calls home.

Reccer says: (Almost) one million words about baseball and Harry and Louis. Brilliant OT5 rep. The most exciting fic(s) ever written about Ohio. Brilliant, devastating writing.

Come As You Are by Stylinsoncity/@stylinsoncity (77439, Mature, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

louis is a professor of literature at oxford and harry is his newest and most eager protege. both are caught in a story about forbidden love, loss and second chances, in which one is on the brink of heartbreak and the other comes along when he's needed most.

Reccer says: Forever and always in my top 5. Searingly, achingly gorgeous writing.

All in the Golden Afternoon by Leighllbealright /@leighllbealright (126040, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

When Louis Tomlinson needed to find a new preschool for his daughter, he wasn't expecting the one across the street to be everything he and Goldie ever needed. Or: the one where Louis is closed off, Harry is the weirdest person ever, and Gemma may as well be a psychic.

Reccer says: A brilliant found family fic. Quirky but real characters.

1957: Here to Take My Medicine by Zita17/@louisandtheaquarian (2657, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

Beat poets Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles blow off some steam before a reading. Very loosely inspired by Howl, Ginsberg, Cassady, Kerouac, and the asterisks in Medicine.

Reccer says: This fic (and the other 4 in the series) are intense historical studies/smut. Cannot stop thinking about them!

Bitter Ends Turn Sweet by Allwaswell16 /@allwaswell16 (30164, Explicit, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

It had been four years since Harry first heard the song his ex wrote about him and far longer since they broke up. He forgave Louis long ago, and now his life was focused on his career, his family, and especially his son, Max. But Louis was back in Chicago, after all this time, and he’s not an easy man to ignore.

Reccer says: It’s so rare that a famous/non-famous love story ends before it begins. I love that this fic goes there!

[deconstructthesoup]

I think the reason that Dimension 20 really scratches all those itches in my brain is that it really shows what you can do with D&D---and TTRPGs as a whole.

Fantasy High, by itself, is an incredibly compelling concept. What would D&D look like in a semi-modern setting? What would a high school that's all about teaching teens how to be adventurers look like? And the way it's done is beyond inventive, especially if you look at all the encounters in the first season---we've got a literal food fight, a high-speed road chase with tiefling greasers, a nightclub brawl with zombies, vampires, and werewolves, a skating match with a bunch of dwarven middle schoolers and a concrete golem, a high-stakes game of football (ish) with undead jocks that give off major teen slasher vibes, a fight done in an arcade where characters can get trapped in the consoles, and the final battle is done at prom. PROM! How cool is that?

And then we get to the Unsleeping City, which takes the urban fantasy elements that Fantasy High already had and elevates it. The way the D&D lore and magic is interpreted in a modern New York setting is excellent, as is the whole take on the "American Dream," magic literally coming from dreams, ideas, and the imagination. I know that I need to actually finish the UC saga, but from what I've seen and experienced, it is truly fantastic.

And the same energy carries through to the other seasons---my personal favorite outside of Fantasy High being A Court of Fey and Flowers, just because I'm a sucker for any Fey Realm content and I've been raised on Jane Austen---where the genre mashups shine through in the best way possible. I'll admit, I haven't seen A Crown of Candy, purely because I know how heartbreaking and devastating it is and I don't think I can physically handle it, but the concept of Candyland Game of Thrones is so beautifully bizarre that I totally get why people love it so much. Escape from the Bloodkeep hitting that workplace comedy vibe that we love to see in villains. Misfits & Magic being a love letter to the "magical boarding school" genre while also calling out all the weird contradictions inherent in it. A Starstruck Odyssey literally being an homage to Brennan's mom and exactly the kind of madcap and unhinged energy I need from my sci-fi. Neverafter perfectly encapsulating the true horror of fairy tales. Mentopolis hitting my noir-loving heart and personifying hyperfixation in the best way possible.

I'm not even kidding when I say that, if it weren't for Dimension 20... I probably wouldn't have even started my own campaign. I'd had snippets and ideas ever since officially getting into D&D and joining a game with some old friends (and getting back in touch with them in the process), but after I saw the Mentopolis trailer, I realized just how much variety TTRGPs had to offer. I could do a time-blending, history-meets-future campaign. I could go out-of-the-box. I could have endless amounts of options available to my friends and still tell the story that I wanted to tell. And when I sat down and watched Fantasy High---and when I got that Dropout subscription so I could consume whatever I wanted---it felt like the show was actually giving me advice. It's fantastic.

Also it helps that the episodes are usually only roughly a couple hours instead of being, like, an entire afternoon long. And that each season is 20 episodes, tops. No offense to Critical Role, but the sheer amount of content literally makes it impossible for me to get into it.

[theredrenard]

Brainstorming and plotting with @bornunderabluemoonbaby in the tevan server while we’re on the topic of supernatural creature Bucktommy AUs but neither of us writes smut so this concept is free to a good home if anyone wants it!! <3

Repressed incubus Tommy, who is perpetually starved, getting with Buck who, as we all know, is a sex fiend.

Like… Tommy was basically starved when he was with Abby, because his nature as an incubus is tied to his physical attraction and he's gay so. it got a little better when he was able to come out, but he's been living off one night stands and a few longer relationships, but the one time he thought it was for real and he was going to tell him the big secret, buddy popped off with "you're my first not my last," just for funsies.

Anyway, fast forward to after getting with Buck. The man’s never been better fed in his LIFE.

After the breakup, though, Tommy falls back into his barely-getting-by days, to the point where he’s grounded for everyone’s safety and his coworkers are starting to get worried.

Lucy puts the pieces together and is like “Dude. Just talk to Buckley, PLEASE. He wants you back and you look like you’re gonna drop dead any second now.”

It’s a bit melodramatic, but sue her, she’s worried and he looks like shit.

Read more below the cut bc this got kinda lengthy!! <3

Tommy reluctantly agrees and goes over to Buck’s and IMMEDIATELY Buck catches on that something is wrong because you look dead on your feet, Tommy. what the HELL.

(His eyebags have eyebags and his shirts don’t fit right anymore. It’s BAD)

and then they have the most heartbreaking, self-harmy sex EVER because it's not what they want, not even close, but they have to- Buck can't stand a world without Tommy in it and Tommy just wants that with Buck one last time.

after the very first post break up hook up Buck ends up slinking out the door before Tommy wakes up— going without means sex with Buck lays him out— and Tommy wakes up alone thinking he's such a terrible person because he's making the man he loves have sex with him just to stay alive and clearly Buck is only doing it because he's a good person. it has nothing to do with the fact that Buck's a masochist and will literally give pieces of himself to receive scraps in return.

They continue to hook up periodically when Tommy needs it and hurt themselves in new ways. Tommy’s no longer in danger of dropping like a fly, but at what cost? (He and Buck are both miserable because they have each other, but they don’t HAVE each other.)

Tommy insists that Buck is allowed to go sleep with other people if he wants to. They’re not dating, it’s not a big deal. Not like Tommy can catch or give anybody anything, anyway. (Because woo, sex demon logic)

(Tommy’s trying to help Buck get over him and instead triggering that sweet, sweet RSD. Does Tommy not want him? Is this purely transactional? Is Buck only good enough to fuck, never good enough to love?)

Tommy suggests that one night, and if you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Buck’s heart shattering into a million pieces.

One day Buck just snaps and is like “either we’re together or we’re not, but I can’t do whatever [*vague sharp hand gesture*] THIS is anymore, Tommy. I can’t. I’m sorry. I know that this is literally life-or-death for you, but this will be the death of me if we do it much longer.”

(Tommy immediately jumps to worst case but buck grovels instead and they end up together properly again and in MUCH better moods. And the sex is significantly less sad.)

[mournings-stars]

Hello hello! I’d like to request some platonic into romantic headcannons on an Alastor x fallen ex-exorcist/exterminator reader please :>

Small background: Reader fell for whatever reason and maybe a few days to a week (or even months-) afterward they end up striking a deal with Alastor, where they’ll be under his protection (because as skilled as they are it wouldn’t matter much with the entirety of hell on their ass) but he gets a pretty good portion of their power in return or maybe something else that you think Alastor would take.

Gender neutral reader pls

I’ve only read one fic or two with this concept and I am on my hands and knees for more lol

If you prefer a different writing format or feel this is too specific or OC-ish please please please feel free to change anything! I’m not very picky ^^

Thank you for your time and have a good day/night!

okay i LOVE this concept — i think it be the slowest fucking burn in the world tho like

you were never one of adam’s favorites, as you had the tendency to spare demons who seem harmless, but covered it nearly everytime

during this last extermination, however, he was trying to catch you fucking up the plan, so the minute you skipped over someone, he had lute launch her weapon at you

i doubt he’d let her kill you or anything, but he definitely just left you there for the demons to finish off, probably pinned to the ground with lute’s spear in your wing or something before he called all the other exorcists back (and he made sure to leave your halo so even if you did change clothes people knew what you were)

luckily (not really) you’d be in cannibal town, so before anyone could get to you, alastor’s probably just walking around like nothings happening (LMAO) and sees you

i doubt he’d make it known he saw you, like he’d definitely keep humming merrily down the street until he saw you struggling to get away from him as quickly as possible and tearing your wing even more

“my, my, let’s calm down, shall we?” he’d laugh and take the spear out of your wing. “isn’t that better, little bird?” but he’d say that while literally pointing the spear at you so don’t feel too safe

you’d definitely get defensive and shoot into the air with your weapon, ready to kill, and i think after seeing you still attempting to fly with that damaged of a wing (like its fucked up), he’d be impressed enough to drop the spear he had with a very big grin

“you’d better hide, little bird”

and you’d take his warning to fly off, quickly snatching lute’s weapon with yours in case you needed to defend yourself

he would literally just smile and watch you leave before continuing to hum and walk down the street

it’d probably be like a solid three days of hiding and having to fight for your life before the damage to your wing really messed with you and you had to force yourself to find a good hiding place

maybe you see charlie on the news and notice that no one seems to want to go to her hotel, so you force yourself to fly all the way there like a week after her horrible interview (ep 1) and practically collapse at the front door

of course you recognize vaggie and of course you practically run over and hug her despite the spear pointed at you… and of course that means vaggie either may or may not have to confess depending on if you pick up that no one knows or not (off the concept but im sparing chaggie heartbreak)

“who the fuck is this?” would be the first thing you hear from a spider demon and you’d have to explain what you were and hope they didn’t kill you — which, duh, charlie wouldn’t that let happen

“hello again, little bird,” would make everyone shut up because… how does alastor know you??? of course, he doesn’t answer their questions, just says hello and moves on like it’s all normal

your first day would totally be catching up with vaggie, probably breaking down because you needed to get back to heaven and had no way there

i think exorcists probably have a little bit of angelic power, but they probably can’t create portals without that power being given to them or something which means you have no way home and no where to go

vaggie and charlie of course tell you to stay, but once anyone shows up they’ll know you’re here and all of hell would be coming to the hotel to try and get to you — and you didn’t want to ruin what they had going (even if it was small you thought it was a great idea) so they probably give you a change of clothes, something more hellish, and tell you to stay until you have somewhere else to go

that would probably give alastor the perfect opportunity to talk to you privately and offer his protection

you wouldn’t take his offer at first, but once pentious shows up and the overlords somehow find out that charlie is hiding an angel in her hotel (vox and his stupid drones) you dont really have a choice

i dont think he’d ask for any power in return, but i do think you’d owe him a favor each time he has to protect you

vox would probably give subtle hints in all the programs he runs, so alastor would have to protect you very often

that meant if he ordered you to get rid of someone, you did it — whether that meant by the snap of your fingers with holy light (which they could potentially survive or respawn from) or killing them with your exorcist weapon was totally up to him sometimes, he just asked that you create a bouquet of flowers for his room

usually the people he had you “take care of” were repulsive enough, and you never minded creating things with your abilities, so you agreed to what he asked with ease

it’d be a little time before who he instructed you to “take care of” slowly shifted to anyone who wronged you

of course, he’d still protect you, but if he didn’t own their soul and he didnt have an angelic weapon, he couldn’t ensure that they wouldn’t come back, so he asked you, “do you think they’ll come back for you, little bird?” if you were unsure, or knew it was likely they’d come back for the person that ended up being the reason they had to go through the painful process of respawning, he’d tell you to just kill them

it’d probably come to a point where he stopped asking for favors, made sure you were alright, and told you to focus on what you needed to do while he “did his job”

i think eventually you’d find a place you think could be safe and once your wing is totally healed up and alright you’d say your goodbyes even though you weren’t that close with anyone but vaggie (also i feel like niffty would be down to talk to u about her bug battles or some shit)

anyway, when you go to say bye to alastor, he definitely cashes in his favor with a simple “hmm, no” cus he sees no reason for you to leave??? like so what everyone else’s lives are in danger by you being here… you’re safer here

so you’d stay, and it’d definitely make charlie happy because if she can get an angel back to heaven that’d prove she could actually do this

you’d be pissed at alastor for a while, but slowly, it seemed like demons understood that by coming for you, they were fucking with the radio demon (and we all know how that goes) so after a few months you were finally left alone

in that time you’d totally help spruce up the hotel while slowly forgetting why you wanted to go back

but every once in a while you’d have a very prolonged sadness about the situation… heaven was your home after all, and even if you liked the hotel, you could never leave because the minute you stepped outside, there was a line for your head — you were trapped there (like a bird in a cage — hence the nickname)

i think even though everyone likes having you there, vaggie would eventually bring up lucifer (like he can literally open a portal…)

but immediately alastor is not fucking having it and he cashes in another one of his pent up favors, saying that getting back to heaven through a fallen angel was the dumbest thing you could do if you wanted it to look like you were the one wronged in this situation (he has a point i fear)

i think this is where you kind of accept that you’re not going home and maybe just give up because 1. you can’t go to the heaven embassy since you’d just be met with adam and 2. the only person that could get you contact wasn’t a good option

i think now would be when alastor recognizes how much you want to go home and finds himself feeling bad?? for keeping you, but he just wants you to get home safely and surely

still, once he sees that you literally wont leave your room and have contemplated taking your own halo he compromises to let you try going to the heaven embassy to see if you could get a meeting with anyone but adam

you said it wasn’t possible, but he insisted “i can’t have you looking so upset all the time, birdie” he’d say while using his hand to squish your cheeks into a smile just to make you laugh

so you’d go — i think you’d totally get there safely but once demons see an exorcist angel coming out of the heaven embassy, you have to fight the minute you step out of the building

you can 100% see holy light from the hotel, so the minute alastor sees a golden beam he’s out the door

you can handle your own, so you fought them off, but i’d imagine you get injured and that’s what really makes alastor realize he’s falling for you cus he’s seething

even just a minuscule amount of golden blood on you had him tearing apart any demon who even looked like they’d been near you

i hate to say it but i don’t think this would be a happy ending — reader loves heaven even though they hate being an exorcist and alastor knows that so he’d definitely keep his feelings hidden and if you showed any signs of feelings for him he’d be terrified because an angel falling, literally falling because thats what would happen to you, for someone like him would never get you back home

obviously it’d come to a point where he doesn’t want you to leave, but at the same time, he’d never keep you

if i did end up writing an actual fic of this it’d probably end on a bit of a cliffhanger ex. reader getting accepted back and being hesitant with alastor’s last favor just him saying, “if you want to stay for anyone, don’t,” and letting you decide whether or not to go back

OR reader being accepted back but still having to be an exorcist, so the next time they see alastor is the finale where adam would 100% put them against him

[simvanie]

7 Sins Legacy - generation 5 (gluttony)

Joy: What's coma? Temperance: Hm?

Joy: Auntie Yasmine said daddy is in coma. Temperance: It's uhh... a very deep sleep. But we can't wake daddy up like you can with normal sleep. It doesn't work. It's because he's sick, and we just have to wait if- ...until he wakes up himself.

Joy: Oh... Okay. Ava: Mommy? Temperance: Yes?

Ava: How you know? Temperance: Know what? Ava: You love daddy?

Temperance was taken aback for a second. She didn't realize how much her daughters had picked up from the conversation with Yasmine. Or how a three-year-old is even aware of the concept of love.

Explaining what a coma is to a toddler is one thing, but having to explain love, a feeling that entails so much, one of the most intense and beautiful feelings, that can be the root of complete happiness but also of the most painful heartbreaks,

felt like a cruel way from the universe to remind her that there is a chance that she would never feel love like this again if she lost the person in front of her.

Temperance: I know because... the thought that I have to exist without him literally hurts.

Supriya: I couldn't have said it better myself. Temperance: Oh! Supriya- I'm so sorry for having called you on such short notice, I called everyone but no one had time to watch the twins today...

Supriya: No- no, don't worry about that, I'm happy to babysit them. It's important that you take some time for yourself... How is he doing? Temperance: Still the same. His vitals are stable, so that's a good thing, I guess...

Supriya: He's strong... Always stood up for the things that he believed in. The food stall and job he had as a teenager- He saved up as much as he could so he could open his own restaurant. A real businessman. And I've only realized that now-

-It would be a shame if I never get the chance to tell him how proud I am of him... But I know he's a fighter, so we shouldn't give up hope. Alright, who's ready to have a sleepover at grandma's? Ava: Meee!

Joy: Mommy, mommy! I drew daddy! Temperance: Oh Joy, that's beautiful! He would love it. Do you want me to hang it on the wall so he can have it close to him? Joy: Yes!

Supriya: Alright girls, let's say goodbye to your mother and father and then we go and see what grandpa is up to. I told him to go buy some new things for the both of you to play with while you stay with us. Ava: Ooo! What is it?