#this causes me immense emotional pain

[telltaleanatomicalheart]

you ever be so non-binary that u forget u get ur period

[futuristictheoristcowboy]

Gonna post my shit school art project attempts that're just so... incredibly dog shit , for a laff. I hope it can at least boost someone's art ego or get a good chuckle

[fvsm4x]

☆FIRST LOVE [Gojo Satoru]

☆ SUMMARY: Months have passed since you slept with Gojo. And during that time, gojo seemed to avoid you, hurting your feelings in exchange without knowing.

— C.W: Gojo Satoru x female reader , angst to fluff

— WORD COUNT: 2k+

— TAGLIST: @starlightanyaaa @froufrousnowman @101strawberries101 @dazaisfavgf @the-lazy-perfectionist @prettyfacedream

JJK MLIST | GOJO SATORU MLIST

It has been a considerable amount of time since the last interaction you had with Gojo. Days turned into weeks, and then a whole month passed by. And now, two months have gone by since that unforgettable night when the two of you shared an intimate connection after getting a little too tipsy in a bar.

However, ever since that night, something changed. Gojo started to distance himself from you, avoiding any kind of interaction and making a conscious effort to stay out of your way. It's as if he's intentionally ignoring your presence, and any attempts to reach out to him through calls or texts are met with silence, with the messages sitting in the "delivered" status but never being read.

The pain in your heart is almost unbearable. You find yourself constantly questioning what went wrong, racking your brain for any possible misstep or disappointment that could have caused this sudden shift in Gojo's behavior. The thought that the night you shared was a mistake weighs heavily on your mind, causing immense emotional distress and self-doubt.

What makes this pain even more agonizing is the fact that you have harbored deep feelings for Gojo since your teenage years. From the moment you first laid eyes on him, there was an undeniable attraction and admiration that only grew stronger with time. The realization that he may not feel the same way about you is a devastating blow to your heart and soul.

But you find it difficult to place the blame solely on Gojo. After all, he is not just an ordinary person. In the world of jujutsu sorcerers, he holds immense importance and influence. He is widely recognized as the strongest sorcerer, possessing unparalleled strength and abilities. Not only that, but he has been blessed with not just one, but two curse techniques, making him a force to be reckoned with. His very existence has the power to shift the delicate balance of the world.

In contrast, you see yourself as someone insignificant in comparison. While you do possess the ability to see curses, just like Gojo, you feel like a mere observer in the grand tapestry of the jujutsu world. You don't hold any significant position or power, and you struggle to find a sense of usefulness or importance in comparison to someone like Gojo.

But little did you know, gojo had a reason for doing so.

Ever since that night you two shared, gojo started to harbor feelings, he had never felt before, it felt weird. As if butterflies were flying around in his stomach and his heart always skipping a beat when he sees you.

The mere thought of you brought a deep blush to his cheeks, and he couldn't help but feel a mixture of excitement and nervousness whenever he was in your presence. It was as if his entire world had been turned upside down, and he couldn't quite comprehend the intensity of these newfound emotions.

He had never experienced this kind of feeling before, and he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. It was a strange sensation that consumed him, making him feel like he was on the verge of death if he didn't see you. Thinking he might be sick, he sought out Shoko and poured out his troubles to her.

Sitting in front of Shoko, who calmly sipped her warm coffee, he couldn't contain his panic any longer. "Shoko, I think something's wrong with me. I feel like I'm dying!" he exclaimed, jumping up from his chair and pacing back and forth in the room.

"The mighty Gojo Satoru is sick? That's a first," she joked, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. It was rare to see the strongest sorcerer in such a state of distress.

"I'm serious, Shoko! Every time I see her, I feel strange... My face turns red, my stomach does somersaults, and my heart skips a beat!" he whined, desperation evident in his voice. "Am I going to die, Shoko?"

Shoko looked at him with wide eyes, taking a moment to process his words before asking, "Do you mean y/n?"

Gojo nodded, his expression filled with worry. "Yeah..."

Setting her coffee down on a nearby table, Shoko turned to Gojo with a mischievous smirk. "Oh no! You‘re going to die satoru." she sarcastically exclaimed.

Gojo's eyes dropped immediately as his panic intensified. "What? But I can't die yet... I'm still young."

Narrowing her eyes at him, Shoko chuckled softly. Gojo approached her, placing his hands on either side of her, trapping her against the chair. "Why are you laughing?!" he shouted, his grip on the chair tightening.

"Do you want to know the name of your sickness, Satoru?" Shoko asked, leaning against her palm.

"Of course!" he replied eagerly.

"You're lovesick," she stated matter-of-factly.

Gojo's eyes widened at her words. Lovesick? Did that mean he was in love with you? The mere thought of it caused his face to flush a deep shade of red. "W-what!? No, I'm not in love with her," he denied, his voice wavering.

"Look at you, all embarrassed... I can't believe the all-mighty Gojo Satoru has finally fallen in love," Shoko sighed. "I feel bad for y/n."

"What am I supposed to do?! I've never been in love before," Gojo whined, his distress evident.

"Well, talk to her more often, take her out on dates... I don't know much about love, I've never experienced it myself, who knows maybe she‘s feeling the same." Shoko suggested.

"But... I've been ignoring her for the past two months," Gojo confessed.

"Oh," Shoko facepalmed. "Why are you so stupid.“

„I‘m not stupid!“

Suddenly, the door swung open, and you entered the room, clutching some medical papers in your arms. "Shoko, I got the-" you began, but your words trailed off as you looked up and took in the scene before you.

Your heart momentarily stopped as you saw Shoko sitting in the chair, with Gojo leaning over her, his hands on either side of the chair, effectively trapping her inside. A wave of unease washed over you. Had you interrupted something? They were too close for your comfort, and you couldn't help but wonder if there was something going on between them. Was that why Gojo had been ignoring you?

The pain in your heart was palpable, and your once bright smile faded into a crestfallen expression. With a heavy sigh, you cast your gaze downward, unable to bear the sight before you any longer. "Sorry for interrupting," you managed to utter, your voice laced with disappointment and a hint of resignation. "I'll bring the papers back later." Without waiting for a response, you turned on your heels, your footsteps heavy with a mix of sadness and frustration, and closed the door with a loud thud.

"Wait!" you heard a voice call out from behind the door, but you continued walking away, unable to bear the sight of them together. The sound of their voices faded as you distanced yourself from the room.

Meanwhile, inside the room, Gojo removed himself from the chair and took a step back, his gaze fixed on the closed door where you had stood just moments ago. His thoughts were interrupted by a voice, breaking through his contemplation.

"Don't drag me into this," Shoko's voice cut through the silence, her eyes boring into Gojo's. He met her gaze with a glare, unsure of how to respond.

"She probably misunderstood. Go talk to her before it's too late," Shoko advised, her tone firm. "Now, whoosh," she added, pointing her finger towards the door. "Get out."

—-

Over the next few days, something strange happened. Instead of Gojo avoiding you, you found yourself avoiding him. Even though Shoko had encouraged him to talk to you, he still kept his distance. Deep down, Gojo knew he was in love with you, but he didn't know how to act around you.

He was scared of doing something wrong and embarrassing himself. He couldn't quite grasp the fact that he was in love with you. He thought it was just a small crush that would eventually fade away, but it didn't. Every day, he felt more desperate to talk to you, but he couldn't bring himself to approach you.

Then, one day, you bumped into him while he was on his way to a mission. You couldn't take it anymore. Your heart hurt every time you wanted to talk to him but held back. The constant avoidance had taken a toll on you, and the pain of unspoken affection had become unbearable. You couldn't bear the uncertainty anymore and wanted to confess your feelings to Gojo, even if it meant facing rejection. You just wanted closure, hoping that even if he didn't feel the same way, you could move on from this torment.

So, there you were, standing behind Gojo as he walked towards the car that would take him on his mission. He was avoiding you again, but this time, you decided to take a leap of faith. You called out to him, "Satoru!" He flinched and turned to meet your gaze.

"Satoru," you spoke with a shaky breath, "You know, back in our teenage years, I had this crush on you. Silly, right? I mean, I never thought it would lead anywhere. We were friends, and I kept my feelings under wraps. Fast forward to that night we spent together – it felt like a breakthrough. I let myself hope that maybe, just maybe, there was something more between us. But then you started avoiding me like I had the plague, and it hit hard. But, you know, I tried to brush off the awkwardness, thinking maybe I misread things. Yet, every time we crossed paths, it felt like there was this unspoken tension, a lingering question that neither of us dared to ask. I couldn't shake the feeling that something had shifted, and it was driving me crazy. So, here's the deal, Satoru – If you don't see us as more than friends, I want you to say it. I'm not asking for poetic rejection; I just need the truth. So, Satoru, whether it's a yes or a no, I just need to hear it. I'm not looking for pity or grand gestures, just a straightforward answer.“

Your breath hitched with each word. Your gaze, usually steady, faltered, found solace in staring at the ground, avoiding the intensity of his eyes.

Gojo's eyes widened in surprise as your words hit him. He turned around completely, staring at you in disbelief. His breath hitched, and he felt his heart racing unexpectedly. Your confession catched him off guard,

In an instant, Gojo's initial disbelief transformed into a genuine smile, a glimmer of happiness breaking through. Without a second thought, he closed the distance, wrapping you in a tight embrace. Your attempt to speak was interrupted by his sudden hug,

"I've been an idiot for avoiding this for so long." He whispered

You tried to gently push him back, insisting, "I just need an answer, satoru" but Gojo held on,

"That scene you saw with Shoko wasn't what it seemed," he admitted, a sheepish smile forming. "I was actually talking to her about my feelings for you. I realized I've been an idiot for not realizing it sooner." He continued, "After that night we spent together, I started feeling all weird – butterflies and my heart doing somersaults. I thought I was sick or something, so I avoided you. Stupid, right? But now, I don't want to run away from it anymore. I like you, Y/N."

Your eyes widened at Gojo's unexpected confession. The weight of the unspoken feelings suddenly lifted, "Wait, you... like me?" you stammered, trying to process his words. Gojo chuckled, his hand rubbing the back of his neck

"Yeah, more than I thought. I was just too dense to realize it. And I'm sorry for avoiding you; I thought I was going crazy with those feelings."

Gojo, still smiling, took a step closer. "So, how about we stop avoiding and start enjoying these feelings?" he suggested, his gaze softening. Without waiting for a response, he leaned in, capturing your lips in a gentle, yet lingering kiss.

[celestialxgarden]

What aspect of the divine feminine do you embody? · ──── ·𖥸· ──── ·

Masterlist

Shakti is the feminine principle that underlies and sustains all of existence. It is the powerful creative and dynamic energy responsible for the creation of the universe. All women are a vessel of this feminine essence.

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿

Pile 1

You embody the energy of Yuki Onna also known as the ‘Snow Princess’. Yuki Onna is a type of spirit belonging to Japanese folklore. They are described as being very beautiful and serene, but also being capable of evoking immense terror.

You are someone who is very calm and composed. You have an incredible amount of patience. You appear very still and serene. I feel like you are the type of person that can plan ahead and quietly wait for a long time till the moment is right to act. And when that moment comes you quickly advance to achieve your goal.

I also get the vibe that you are very smart and witty. You can be quiet strategic and analytical in the way that you think.

Yuki Onna are described as having otherworldly beauty while their bodies are cold like snow. This can indicate that while you are able to captivate people with your beautiful appearance, you don’t want to let them in. You might appear to be cold or distant. I get the feeling that you are a little bit distrustful of people or at the very least cautious of others. I don’t think that you believe that every person has bad intentions, but you’d rather be on the safe side. You don’t want to give them a chance to hurt you. I also get the impression that you really know how to stand up for yourself and stand your ground. You can really shut somebody down and let them know that you are not to be messed with. I think this surprises people sometimes because you look so calm and quiet, they’re shocked when you stick up for yourself. I feel like you have the ability to be very cruel with your words if you feel the need to.

It is said that Yuki Onna are the personification of winter. Winter can be very beautiful with its icy, serene and snowy landscape, but also very scary and dangerous with its destructive blizzards and strong colds.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•··············∘•···············•∘ʚ♡ɞ∘•················•∘

Pile 2

You embody the energy of Green Tara.

Green Tara is a female Buddha. She is the embodiment of compassion and wisdom. She is known as a savior who hears the cries of the beings in this world and wants to save them from danger.

Just like Tara you have a very kind and gentle energy. You are very caring and always willing to help someone. Your vibe is very angelic and sweet. It almost seems to be to pure for this world. It’s very easy for you to connect with the emotions of others. You feel deep compassion for the world and all the beings in it. It wouldn’t surprise me if you were vegan or vegetarian. It really doesn’t sit well with you to cause harm to another being in any way. I also feel like your energy is very inspiring to others. Your presence is like a beacon of hope. I feel like you attract a lot of people that are hurt in a way. Being around you really eases their pain and gives them hope. Your energy is very healing.

Another meaning for the name Tara is “to rescue “ this really fits with your desire of wanting to save people.

I also get the impression that you are very protective of the people you care about and that people often come to you for advice. You are able to offer a lot of wisdom and guidance in that regard. Tara is also said to mean “Star” so this shows how you possess the ability to guide others like a star.

∘•··············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•··············•∘ ∘•············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•··············•∘

Pile 3

You embody the energy of the Virgin Mary. The christian goddess of heaven and the mother of Christ. She stands at the right hand of God as heaven's exalted Queen.

Your energy is very pure. You come across as very holy and divine. I get the idea that you prefer to be on your own. You don’t really like to mingle with the world too much. This makes your energy really pure because it is not being affected by outside influences. You have a very intuitive and mystical side to you. You like being in deep meditation and to explore the workings of your mind. I feel like you have a strong connection with the divine very naturally. You are very in sync with the universe. You could have some kind of psychic abilities like clairvoyance that make you incredibly receptive towards messages from the spiritual world.

I also feel like you have a lot of inner control and balance. It seems that you have a good amount of self mastery and that you continue to strive to be better. Some would describe you as being a virtuous person. You always try to do what is right.

There’s this feeling of contentment or fullness within yourself that makes it so you don’t have to rely on others. And if you where to be in a state of crisis, you would prefer to pray or meditate on it instead of asking others for help.

Mary is noted for her humility and obedience to the message of God. This has made her an example for many christians.

I feel like in this same way you try to stay true to your path and not be swayed to behave or act in a way that is not true to you. No matter how difficult it may get.

Thank you for reading🤍

[zyhkoo]

☆ Birds of a feather

angst, jason x gn!reader, ‘doll’ being used

Jason can’t love you the way you do.

a/n: hi everyone! my friend help me with this one, give a round of applause to her! i shall do my requests soon, i’m just busy.

You loved Jason, the two of you have been glued to the hip for who knows when. You have been there since he was still Robin, and now as Red Hood. Your bond was unparalleled, a friendship strong enough to withstand any storm. The kind of connection one only dreams of finding.

Everyone who knew the two of you was acutely aware of your unshakeable bond. It was an almost tangible presence, as if the two of you were tethered together by an invisible force. You were rarely ever seen without the other, so much so that your names were often mentioned in the same breath.

Jason's emotional struggles with romance were a reality that you had come to accept. Despite the deep connection the two of you shared, he was plagued by an internal turmoil that made the prospect of a romantic relationship unattainable for him.

You, for your part, had come to understand and accept this aspect of his nature, recognizing that the bond between the two of you was not defined by romantic love, but by a deep, unwavering loyalty and friendship.

You longed for the comfort of knowing that Jason would always be by your side, even in the face of death itself. The thought of him staying with you until you were laid in the grave, dead and buried, and carried away in a casket, brought an intense sense of security and comfort. If Jason ever decided to leave, you knew that you wouldn't be far behind. It was always him for you, and there was nothing that could change that.

Jason, too, was acutely aware of your unwavering loyalty to him. Knowing that you would follow him to the ends of the earth, no matter what hardships or trials he faced. It was a knowledge that weighed heavily on him, knowing that your fate was intertwined with his own.

Your unshakeable devotion stirred within him a complex mix of emotions- pride in your loyalty, coupled with a pang of guilt. Pride because he knew you would always stick by his side, no matter the consequences.

Jason was acutely aware of how much your unrequited feelings for him were causing you pain. Despite his own internal struggles with romance, he recognized that your love for him was deep and unwavering. He knew how much it hurt you for him to not be able to return your romantic feelings, and he felt immense guilt for causing you such pain.

He often struggled with the knowledge that he could never give you what you desired the most from him, and this realization weighed heavily on his heart. It pained him to know that he could never fulfill the romantic hopes and dreams of the one person who meant the world to him.

The two of you were in a bookstore, surrounded by stacks of leather-bound volumes and the scent of aged paper. Jason was the one who introduced you to the world of books. He led you through the labyrinthine shelves, his fingers brushing against the spines of the books with a reverence that spoke of his deep connection to the written word. The two of you shared a comfortable silence, both finding solace in the pages that surrounded you.

You took several books on the shelves, placing them in the small shopping carts that they provided. “I got enough for the whole summer,” you said, turning to him. “What about you?” Jason shrugged and picked up a few books to add to the cart, “I’m not far behind.”

He picks up a book, it was about a loyal man who reunited with his dead wife. He stood there for a moment, holding the book in his hand and staring at the cover. This was a tale that typically ended on a happy note.

But his thoughts lingered on a different kind of ending, one that didn't necessarily have a happy ending. He thought about the two of you, your unwavering loyalty and how despite your devotion, there wasn't the same romantic element present. You noticed the melancholy expression that crossed his face, and you could sense that something was weighing heavily on his mind.

You approached him, and gently asked, "Is there something on your mind?”

He looked up at you, his eyes meeting yours for a brief moment before he averted his gaze.

“It’s nothing, doll.” he responded, his voice trailing off as he absently flipped through the pages of the book in his hands.

You shrugged, not wanting to press him too much. You knew that Jason often preferred to keep his emotions and thoughts close to his chest, and trying to get him to open up could sometimes feel like pulling teeth. You busied yourself with the other books in the cart, trying to give him a moment to work through whatever was troubling him.

Eventually, the two of you arrived at his apartment, as he unlocked the door and ushered you inside, he felt a pang of unease in his chest. He needed to discuss something important with you.

“So, what are we doing? Movie night? Mario kart?” you said with a smile. Jason forced a smile in response, the tension in his chest tightening further. "Actually," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I wanted to talk to you about something. Something important."

A pit formed in your stomach, talk about what exactly? You placed your books down on the coffee table and looked back at his gaze. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Jason took a deep breath before speaking again. "I've been having somethin’ lately, doll." he said, his voice quieter now. "About our friendship."

Your heart sank a little at his words, your mind immediately jumping to worst-case scenarios. He doesn't want to be friends anymore, you thought to yourself. He's pulling away, getting distant. Was he going to say what you were dreading to hear?

Jason noticed the look on your face and quickly spoke up again. "It's not anything bad," he hurried to reassure you. "I've been goin’ through some stuff. And I think we need to talk about where we stand." You relaxed slightly at his words, albeit a bit puzzled. You looked at him questioningly, silently encouraging him to continue.

"Our friendship is... important to me, doll." he sighed, meeting your gaze. "You're the most important person in my life. But I can't jus’ ignore fact that..." He paused, his sentence hanging in the air. Your mind raced with possibilities, trying to decipher what he was trying to say. You could feel the tension in the air, and your heart was pounding in your chest.

"I know how you feel about me," he said, "I know you want more."

Your heart skipped a beat at his words. He knew. He had been aware this whole time, and he had said nothing. Your mind raced, a million thoughts and emotions swirling within you.

"I want to be honest with you," he continued, "And I don't want to hurt you. But I can't give you what you want. I can't give you that kind of love. It’s not something I can do."

Your heart ached at his words, the weight of them hitting you like a ton of bricks. You had hoped, deep down, that maybe he would reciprocate your feelings. But now, the reality was crushing your heart into pieces.

Jason's expression was one of guilt and remorse. "It hurts me too," he said, his voice tinged with sadness. "Seeing you wanting something from me that I can't give. It's like a constant knife in my chest, knowing that I can't make you happy the way you deserve." You held his hand “It’s okay,” you forced a smile “It’s okay if you don’t. My friendship with you, it's very important.”

Jason's grip on your hand tightened slightly. "You say that, but I know it's not true," he said, "I see the way you look at me doll, the way you longingly touch my hand or lean in closer. It's not just friendship for you, and deep down, we both know it."

Your heart clenched at his words. He was right, you couldn't deny it. But you didn't want to push him away or make him feel guilty for something he couldn't control. So, you just smiled again. "It's really okay," you repeated, trying to sound more convincing this time. "We'll... we'll make it work, right? Just us, as friends."

He knew that you were putting on a brave front for him, trying to downplay your own feelings in order to salvage the friendship. He wanted to say more, to try to explain the reasons behind his inability to reciprocate your feelings. But he knew that it would only make matters worse. So, he just squeezed your hand tighter, "Sure doll," he said softly. "Just us, as friends."

You softly chuckled “Doll,” you repeated “You never stopped calling me that.” Jason forced a smile, his heart aching at the familiarity of the nickname. It was one of the many reminders of your closeness, a testament to the deep bond you shared.

"Old habits die hard, I guess," he said. The irony of the nickname suddenly weighed heavily on him. Doll was a term of endearment, a term that typically invoked feelings of love and tenderness. And yet here he was, the person who had never been able to feel those things for her, calling her ‘doll.’

"I probably should stop callin’ you that," he said quietly. "No," you said quickly, not wanting to cause more pain than either of you were already experiencing. "I like it. It's... comforting, coming from you."

"If you're sure," he said quietly. You smiled softly, trying to reassure him that it was genuinely alright. "Yeah, I'm sure," you said, your voice full of genuine affection. "It's our thing, right? Don't overthink it."

He wanted to believe that things could continue as they were between the two of you, that he could still hold onto the one person who meant more to him than anything else in the world. "Okay, doll," he said, his voice cracking slightly, "If that's what you want. We'll keep it our thing."

When you come back home, you quietly weep. You don't know what you’re crying for.

"I don’t think I could love him more..." you whispered to yourself between sobs. The depth of your feelings for him was overwhelming, but the fact that he didn't feel the same way left you feeling empty and defeated.

Your mind was swirling with conflicting thoughts. Part of you wanted to keep the relationship as it was, grateful for the intimacy and companionship you shared. Another part of you wrestled with the frustration and pain of a one-sided love. Each tear that fell felt like a small piece of your heart breaking, but you couldn't bring yourself to walk away. Despite the pain, Jason meant the world to you, and the thought of losing him was unbearable.

[lovinglokilaufeyson]

In Vino Veritas (In Wine, There is Truth) - A.A.

Pairings: Astarion x Fem!Reader/Tav (Sorceress/Magic User)

Warnings: FLUFF (the sickeningly sweet kind). Angst. Insecure/Jealous!Astarion. Drunk!Astarion. Soft/Clingy!Astarion. Astarion is in his feelings. Love Confessions. BG3 Spoilers (Early Act I). Mutual Pining. Oblivious!Tav. Honestly kind of Sub!Astarion vibes. Not Proofread!

Wordcount: 2,589

Summary: After seeing you bonding with the other companions, Astarion is in deep with his emotions. This leads to him staggering off to a bar in a nearby town, and you go looking for him as you are worried about him. Once you find him, a confession of love spills from his lips unprompted.

A/N: Can vampires even get drunk? I’m not entirely sure, but that’s what this is about. This wasn’t a request, just something I was interested in writing. I haven’t written Astarion in this way before, but I think I like how it turned out. Thank you guys for all the love on my Astarion fics! I appreciate it immensely. Also, two posts in one day is kind of insane for me. Enjoy!

You weren’t always confident in yourself or your abilities. However, your recent adventures with Lae’zel, Astarion, and Gale have boosted your self-esteem. Gale had even approached you one night rambling about the “weave” and how he wanted you to experience it. You were able to conjure it with favorable ease, however you backed away once he had come onto you. Astarion stood in disgust as he watched the scene unravel. Gale was clearly attracted to you, and clearly wanted in your pants at one point or another. Astarion wouldn’t mind being in your pants either, at one point or another.

Secretly, Astarion envied your naivety, your ability to be fairly oblivious to many people’s advances. Heck, you didn’t even notice Gale’s constant passing glances until he was quite literally leaning in to kiss you, impressed by your ability to conjure the weave with little effort. You turned away nearly instantly, at least once you realized.

You were fairly friendly, which led a lot of suitors to believe that you were interested in them. Gale was no different. The wizard felt that you showed great potential, and he was impressed by your magical abilities. Initially, you believed this to be friendly behavior from Gale, but alas, he felt more for you than that. You had a difficult time turning him down, as you did with most. Gale wasn’t a bad guy, he just – wasn’t for you. Astarion had to spend some time alone after watching you and Gale bond. He felt a pain in his chest while watching the scene.

He was glad to find out that you had rejected Gale, which Gale had let him know (unprompted, of course) one night while out by the fire. Gale was working on his magic, Astarion was reading, and you were sleeping dreadfully well after the long day.

Soon after, you, Lae’zel, Astarion and Gale met Wyll on the way to the grove. You had a battle with the goblins and gained a new ally in Wyll. Unfortunately, Astarion had placed himself right in the midst of the conflict, leading him to take quite the beating. So, when Wyll offered to join the party, you felt it was obvious to have Wyll take his place. Lae’zel and Gale were in moderately good shape afterwards. “Fine,” Astarion spoke merely one word, then turned around in a dejected manner, slumping his way away from the group. When he glanced back, he saw Wyll laughing at something you had said, which caused the pain in his chest to worsen.

Astarion had to walk through a nearby town in order to get back to camp, which is where the mistakes began. He spotted a tavern, which looked acceptable – albeit rundown in comparison to the ones he frequented in Baldur’s Gate. The thought of alcohol to tame his present emotions didn’t seem so terrible. I mean, was he really that replaceable to you? If you were honest, the only reason you sent him away was because of how damaged he looked after battle. Part of you wanted to go with him, or at least offer, but he had walked away too quickly for you to even respond. You probably should have gone after him, instead you turned to your new companion in order to get acquainted.

Your mistake was recognized after you got back to camp last night – because where the hell was Astarion? All of his belongings were still around, but he was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t bathing, but perhaps he could be hunting? It seemed fairly abnormal for him to just wander off. It was getting fairly late and Astarion still hadn’t arrived back at camp. You were getting worried.

“Has anyone seen Astarion?” You asked everyone who was still awake. The group shook their heads. You kept telling yourself that he probably just was out hunting. Yet something didn’t feel right.

“I’m worried about him, guys. I sent him back to camp and he’s nowhere to be found.” You commented, with Shadowheart being the first to respond. “It’s Astarion, Tav. It’s not like he’s known to be the most reliable, even in the few days we’ve known him.” Her fondness for you was shining through, and her almost envious tone showed her distain for your anxious thoughts about the pale elf companion.

You decided to backtrack on the path away from camp, the one that Astarion would have taken back, trying to retrace his steps. You hoped that he hadn’t collapsed somewhere, that was absolutely your worst fear. You couldn’t help but worry at the thought of losing Astarion. He had already been through so much - that you were incredibly aware of.

You wandered the dim, moonlit trail, hoping that you would find a sign of him anywhere. You peered through the forest trees, but with little avail. You thought about shouting out to him but thought better of it. You could attract someone – or something, rather, that you’d prefer not to. You decided to keep as quiet as you could.

You crept towards the nearby town. Given that the afternoon had far past, the only open facility was the tavern. It was old, but well-kept given its state. The building itself was made from stone, with a large oak wooden door at its front. It vibrated with livelihood from the activities of indoors. This tavern was likely the sole place in town where folks could go to have a decent time. Through the windows, you spotted various ages and races of people, all joined together in dancing, drinking, chatting, and even singing. You didn’t see Astarion, but you figured that asking surely wouldn’t hurt. Maybe they knew of his whereabouts.

The door creaked open as you entered, revealing the brightly candlelit interior of the tavern. The wood floors were certainly run down, likely from years of wear and tear and dancing upon them. Many eyes fell upon you when you entered. Your footsteps were light, but your presence was different for the townsfolk. You were new. Astarion had felt similarly when he moved into space, but they had become used to his presence by now. Not only that, but he had spent copious amounts of gold on drinks, which was certainly appreciated. You didn’t know that though, not yet.

The townsfolk had accepted your presence within a few moments of entering, with one muttering to another “she’s a pretty one, isn’t she?” before gulping down more beer, then standing up to make a move on you. You were quite oblivious to this situation, moving steadily towards the barkeep, hoping she might be able to tell you of Astarion’s whereabouts, as you moved through the bar and still didn’t take notice of the elf.

“Eh, darlin!” You heard a man grunt at you, but you didn’t want to acknowledge him. The words almost hit your ears in just the right way, the eerie similarity to Astarion’s word choice was uncanny.

As you approached the bar, the barmaid approached you sweetly. She was an older lady with deep raven hair, likely had worked there for a substantial portion of time, perhaps even being the owner of the place. “Hi, dear. What can I get goin’ for you?” She inquired with a courteous smile. “Nothing quite yet for me. I’m looking for my friend, he’s an elf with white hair, he probably would have passed by here several hours ago.”

“Aw! You must be Tav! He wouldn’t stop rambling about you while he was here. I think he slumped over to the bathroom, we tried to sober him up, but he was lookin’ pretty sick.” The barkeep gestured to the doors in the corner, and you nodded. “Thank you. I’ll be back.”

You pushed your way through the patrons in order to place several knocks on the only closed door. “Astarion?” You raised your voice to ensure that he heard you over the music that boasted in the background. You leaned your head against the door, hoping to hear a response from him. You nearly fell as suddenly the door was replaced with air, and a stumbling Astarion approached you. “Darling!” He exclaimed. This new, puppy-like energy contrasted with his always stoic exterior. You went to scold him, about to go off about his selfishness in abandoning camp like that, but before you could, his rambling continued.

“Goodness, you look phenomenal. I can hardly take it.” You looked at him, creases forming on your face as your mind became more puzzled. Astarion was typically a flirty person, but this was different. For some reason, it seemed – sincere?

“Astarion, what are you doing here?”

“Well I got sad, so I decided to have a few – um – drinks.” His words slurred as they exited his lips, which did not promote truth in his sentence. “A few?” He nodded eagerly in response, and you grabbed at the fabric near his shoulder in order to tug him over to the bar. “Do you know how many drinks he’s had?” You asked the barmaid, hoping she could provide some insight. “In the double digits, certainly. Spent most of his time downing drinks and talking about your ‘delectability.’”

She responded as you took a deep breath. Astarion, who was lent up against your shoulder now, and could hardly maintain composure, brought an index finger to usher the woman quiet, pressing it against her lips. “SHHHH.” He spoke loudly, before she removed his finger in a swift motion. Astarion leant towards your ear, whispering “she’s just talking about how it’s more noticeable that I’m in love with you when I’m tipsy.” Your eyes shot open for the first time in hours. You had maintained heavy lids since post battle; however you hadn’t heard anything this shocking in weeks. You couldn’t help the way that your cheeks now sprouted a flushed, pink hue.

“You somehow get even cuter when you blush.” Astarion spoke, and you placed your head in your hands, which Astarion immediately tried to pull away “don’t, please, you’re so pretty.” You almost rolled your eyes, what if this was all some strange dream? Don’t get you wrong, there were many nights that you dreamt of the day that Astarion would approach you in this way, you just – didn’t think it would happen. You finally released your face from your hands and looked at the barmaid. “We’ll be leaving now, thank you.” You grabbed on to Astarion once more, tugging him towards the large oak door at the entrance.

“Someone’s in trouble!” One of the men shouted from across the bar at the scene. “I hope so!” Astarion shouted back, and you tugged him harder.

As the overwhelm was diluted by the calm of the outdoors, and your faces were hit by the cool air, you turned to face him.

“Astarion, what the hells is going on?” Your question was slightly louder than intended, especially since you had to raise your voice to be heard inside of the bar.

Immediately, you were faced with a pout on Astarion’s lips and dilated pupils as he gazed at you. “Please don’t be mad, darling.”

“I just want to know if you’re okay.” You responded, your features softening, which comforted him.

“I just-“ he stammered, having a difficult time finding the words. He looked back to you, seeing how patient you were, and he relaxed, with help from the alcohol that still coursed steadily through him. “you’re perfect.” For the second time tonight, your eyes widened like craters. You were nearly at a loss for words, but as you went to speak, Astarion interrupted you.

“Gods, Tav! Gale is entranced by you, Shadowheart has definitely caught feelings, Lae’zel wants you to give her bruises, and did you see the way that Wyll looked at you today?” He inquired, and you meagerly shook your head. “Not to mention I’m fucking in love with you! And I can’t even show it! I haven’t felt this way, like, ever, with anyone! And I’m fucking terrified, Tav!”

He gesticulated harshly as he spoke, his pent-up energy finally releasing. You moved towards him, holding your arms out, almost as an offering to him. He looked at you with soft eyes, then headed towards you himself, wrapping his arms around your waist, as yours fell across his shoulders. He relaxed into your touch, leaning his face to nuzzle in your neck. “Please don’t let me go.” Astarion pleaded.

“I won’t, Star.” You whispered into his ear, and you could feel him sigh in relief.

“I’m sorry I was jealous and upset.”

“Don’t be sorry for feeling the way you do, Astarion.” These words nearly brought a drunken Astarion to tears, but he was able to focus on the way you felt in his arms instead. You were able to convince him to cease the hug in order to walk back to camp, but he insisted that he needed to have a hand on you at all times to be assured that “you wouldn’t let him go.” So, it ended up with his hand intertwined with yours for the duration of the short journey back, along with him leaning on you to keep steady.

The rest of the companions were awaiting your return to camp and sighed in relief when you arrived. They were slightly surprised to see Astarion lent up against you, with your frame keeping him upright. Shadowheart seemed to roll her eyes in annoyance at the pale elf’s return, but was thankful you were alright, nonetheless. They stayed quiet, as it seemed more like an “ask questions later” type of circumstance. Since they now knew you were safe, they deemed it acceptable to retreat to their own tents for the night.

You teetered Astarion over to his own tent, facing him as he stared at you with puppy dog eyes. “You’ll stay?” He asked, and you looked at him with similar eyes. “Please?” He followed up, and you nodded. “Let’s go to my tent, though. Is that alright?”

“As long as I’m with you.”

You lead Astarion to your – somewhat more put together tent, with a larger bedroll that could fit the both of you situated on the floor. He stared in awe as he admired the colors within, it was actually quite cozy.

You put yourself in bed as normal, while Astarion seemed to stand with a blank look on his face, his eyes traveling from your eyes to the tent, as if this was new to him. “You okay, Astarion?” You asked, and he nodded. “More than okay, actually.” He responded, and you smiled. You reached your arms out, beckoning him towards you “come here, then, sweet boy.” He grinned giddily, nearly diving into your arms.

-

Astarion woke up in the somewhat unfamiliar environment of your tent, with a throbbing headache. However, he realized that he was sprawled across your lap, and decided to be content in the fact that even though he didn’t remember a single thing about last night, he knew that he had wound up in the right place, in the right person’s arms.

You noticed he had woken from the fluttering of his eyelashes on your skin, and you brought your hand to his hair in order to play with it ever so slightly. “Good morning, handsome” you spoke.

“Good morning, darling. What in the hells happened last night?” He responded, turning towards you with a smirk on his face. “Did I get as lucky as I hope I did?” Sober Astarion was back, that was for certain.

[sgtgarricks]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ i want your hands on me for all my life

simon riley x afab!reader cw: nsfw, angst, happy ending, mentions of simon's abusive past, talks about death, mentions of soap's death, fingering, oral sex (f!receiving), unprotected piv sex, creampie!!, simon lets himself be happy yay

reblogs are immensely appreciated! <3

PREVIOUS PART: your gentle hands are enough

notes: this is the 2nd part for the people that want a happy ending :) this turned out sooo long LMFAO if you want to be sad just pretend this doesn't exist and read the other one! your feedback & comments help <3

Simon had always excelled at compartmentalizing his emotions ever since he was a child.

Growing up with an abusive father and an older brother who has hell-bent on scaring him had forced him to develop self-preservation tactics in order to survive their torment. Dissociating was a daily occurrence in his childhood years — it helped Simon escape the pain and torment that was being inflicted on his body.

Being in the military has not been that different.

He was still dissociating, but he was no longer on the receiving end of thrown punches and insults. He was now the perpetrator inflicting agony on his enemies for the good of the world. To rid the world of filth.

Simon Riley had become the ultimate soldier — lethal, swift, quiet, and was immune to the horrors of war, which was no surprise considering he had spent most of his childhood learning to lock away all the negative emotions. The ability had become innate, bleeding into his daily life and in turn, his relationships.

When Simon walked out the door, he had left all the hurt and sadness in the apartment with you. He trusted you'd keep a part of him safe until he came back and even if he didn't.

Simon had whole-heartedly accepted the risk that comes with the job, fully prepared to lay his life down if it meant a better world than yesterday. In fact, Simon knew death more intimately more than anyone. He'd knocked on death's door multiple times but always seemed to come out alive.

It was easy for him to not think of you. The anxious voice inside his head becomes static as he engrossed himself in the mission. The hard part comes when the dust has settled — when all that remain are cold corpses and bullet casings.

Sitting in the helicopter all bloodied accompanied by the sound of whirring blades wasn't usually bad. It would give him time to sit down and process his emotions. It let him feel the slight guilt that never goes away when taking a life — no matter how rotten.

But with each mission he went on after his abrupt departure, he finds himself constantly ruminating his entire reason for not wanting to get into a relationship with you.

Simon had wanted you to move on from him when he died, eventually. Forget the bruised and battered soldier and find someone whole, someone who could be there for you and love you without causing you anxiety every time their phone rang.

He thought himself selfless for trying to spare you, but his entire reason collapses with every mission he comes back alive.

What was his excuse now? What was he protecting you from?

The voices slink back into his mind the moment he gains a moment of peace. Whispers planting seeds of doubt in his mind, feeding on his insecurity and his fears. They're ruthless and persistent.

You don't deserve them. They're too good for you. You're going to leave them one day anyway, why bother?

He feels a tightness in his chest, as if a phantom hand was squeezing his heart that sends pulses of pain through him. His hand shakes slightly, fingers moving absent-mindedly trying to remember the feel of your skin.

"You alright, Lieutenant?" His captain's voice breaks him out of his trance. Simon is slightly startled but doesn't let it show. He merely grunts.

"'M alright."

Silence engulfs them once more. It goes one for one, two, maybe three minutes. It's suffocating. Simon can read people well enough by now that he knows there are questions lingering in the back of John Price's mind.

A part of Simon wishes he'd just spit it out, but the thought of having to explain seemed worse. Instead, Simon settles with a silent huff as the helicopter continues on its designated course.

The second the helicopter landed, Price simply nods at him, trusting him to get his shit together and walks off to his office. Simon does his usual routine, though instead of rushing through the motions, he's intentionally prolonging each action.

Whereas normally he couldn't get out of this place faster, now he almost dreaded the moment he would have to leave. Staying at the base meant monotonous, dull, predictable tasks. Leaving means he has to choose where to go — he has to actively force himself to not drive straight to your apartment despite the fact that every fiber in his being longs to be close to you.

He feels sick, a kind of illness spreading inside of him that only ever felt better when you were around him. A dull ache inside his body that only lights up when you touch him.

He runs a hand to his now damp hair, content with sitting on a sofa in the rec room. Normally, the place would be bustling with recruits goofing around with each other. But one glance at the broodier-than-normal look on the lieutenant's face had created a force field that pushed away everyone as to not get caught in its storm.

Simon doesn't know how long he sits there, half of him trying to convince himself to not come to you. That you don't deserve the broken man with a penchant for violence.

Chuckling lowly to himself, he shakes his head. What kind of demented higher power decided someone as kind as you be plucked and dropped into his sights?

Fifteen minutes went by as he pities himself in the rec room before a shadow in his peripheral vision causes him to look up.

"L.T.," Kyle nods towards him, leaning on the doorframe.

"Garrick." Simon grunts dismissively, not saying anything more. He hops the sergeant will take the hint on his own and leave the miserable bastard to his own devices.

Kyle worries for Simon. The brooding giant seems more miserable than usual — not more than after the incident, but still. Typically, he wouldn't even be able to catch a glimpse of his lieutenant after coming back from deployment. He'd usually opt to disappear from the base in record time.

The fact that he's here now, instead of wherever he usually hangs around, is slightly concerning.

"You alright, L.T.?"

Simon turns to him, slightly annoyed. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? Yes, I'm alright." He huffs. Kyle merely shrugs, unbothered by the icy gaze directed at him.

"Well, seeing as you haven't fucked off from the base yet and it's been," Kyle checks his phone for the time, "Around an hour? I'd wager something is wrong."

Sometimes Simon hated how observant Gaz was. Kyle's always been attentive, even more so now without Johnny's presence. It wasn't a secret that Johnny had been the lieutenant's shadow — always lingering near him, cracking jokes and pulling his leg.

His absence had naturally left a gaping void in Simon, oozing all the pain and hurt that comes with losing a comrade. Simon isn't naive, he knows death comes as a package with being in the battlefield. He's seen his fellow soldiers die, held them as they bled out. It was why he tended to keep to himself. After all, the less people you know, the less funerals you have to go to.

This worked most of the time, anyone who got close to Simon would get his arctic stare and cower off — most of the time anyway. Johnny was a different case. Johnny was a little bit of a nutcase to be honest. A talented, bright, pyromaniac, the youngest ever to pass SAS selection, with an arsenal of jokes in his pockets. The blue-eyed Scotsman got along quickly with Kyle, bantering with each other easily as if they had been long-lost friends.

While Johnny still had reservations about dicking around with the captain, he didn't seem to have the same problem with Simon. Seemingly happy to chatter off in his ear about anything, whether it was about shitty food, a lady he picked up from a bar, or jabs directed at Simon.

Johnny's bright disposition put Simon on edge. He wasn't used to seeing someone not be terrified of him. No matter how many glares he sent him, the bugger wouldn't leave him alone. Johnny would continue to go out of his way to talk to Simon, to sit next to him during lunch, and sometimes, Johnny would even manage to get Simon to open up just a little.

"What's on yer mind, L.T.?" Johnny nudged Simon with his elbow. The two men were both sat at the bar, the TV playing an old recording of a football match. It had taken Johnny ten minutes to convince Simon to go out for drinks and he planned on taking full advantage of it.

Johnny had been talking non-stop for around five minutes about his sister who had just gotten married, waiting for a reaction from Simon who seemed distracted. His eyes had strayed to the other side of the bar a few times, barely noticeable to the untrained eye, but Johnny was anything but.

"Nothin'." Simon had grunted, tearing his gaze away. A giant smirk plastered itself onto Johnny's face.

"Ah, been starin' at the sad one across the bar, aye?" Seeing Simon's eye widen a little had made Johnny even more gleeful. "Go on then. Ye have my full permission to ditch me tonight." He teased, winking at his lieutenant.

"Don't know what you're talking about, Johnny." Simon had denied instantly, taking a sip of his drink. A normal person would have left it at that, but Johnny wasn't your average person. He loved starting fires and Simon was a flame he wanted to see lit.

"Ach, come on L.T. what's the harm, eh? A little bit of flirting never hurt anyone." Simon didn't know this but Johnny wasn't going to let this go. It was the first time Johnny had ever seen Simon show interest in someone and he'd do anything to get Simon to at the very least, talk to them.

"They're a civvy, Johnny. Not gonna take any chances." Simon shook his head adamantly.

"That's bollocks! All we do is take risks anyway, at least on this one the worst that could happen is getting a drink thrown in yer face." Johnny chuckles, peering at the person across the bar who was clearly nursing a broken heart. Simon still made no move to get up from his chair.

Praying to whatever God was listening, Johnny hoped Simon wouldn't kill him after what he was going to do. Calling over the bartender, Johnny slid the man a fifty.

"Mate, give 'em a refill yeah? Tell 'em it's from the big bloke over here." Johnny signaled the bartender. Simon, who had finally processed what Johnny was doing, couldn't even get a word in. The bartender hastily took the money and went back to his station, ignoring Simon's call.

Simon could only watch in despair as the bartender presented the drink and pointed towards Simon. He received a shy smile, a mouthed 'thank you', and an expectant look.

"Now you've got to go there, mate. Otherwise you'll look like an arsehole!" Johnny threw his arms up, grinning triumphantly. The sergeant crossed his arms and wiggled his eyebrows.

Simon could've easily ignored Johnny and went back to his drink. But a part of him couldn't deny that he wanted to go over there and maybe talk to someone else that wasn't Scottish for a change. Against his usual logic, Simon decided to stand up from his chair.

"You're an arsehole." A glare was sent Johnny's way, although it had no weight behind them. As Simon began to walk away, he could hear Johnny laughing loudly.

"Yer welcome!"

Simon had never told Johnny you were the person who had been texting him during deployment, but he knew deep down that Johnny already knew. He'd asked multiple times, even tried sneaking a look.

He simply didn't want to admit that Johnny forcing him to talk to you that day had shifted Simon's world. He wished he told Johnny.

"We all miss him, L.T." Kyle's soft voice spoke again. He's closer now, dragging a chair from a table and sitting in front of Simon. Kyle knew he could never fill the giant void that Johnny left, but he felt a sense of responsibility to at least try. Price had become more closed off after his death whereas Simon had slowly been unraveling, little stitches coming loose a day at a time.

"All we can do is make sure it's not in vain." Simon sighs, hearing Kyle's words, knows he's right. That he can't go back to expecting the worst all the time, constantly on edge.

Johnny had breathed life into his ghostly presence, bringing Simon back into the realm of the living. The more Johnny got out of the lieutenant, the more people were able to see that Simon wasn't merely a visage, a ghost roaming the hallway. That he was a real person.

He was throwing away his chance at a second life. Perhaps it was also a twisted way of Simon punishing himself. If he couldn't save Johnny, couldn't save the man who managed to get him to talk to you, then he didn't deserve you. It was a round-about way of him trying to mend off the guilt eating away at him that had inadvertently claimed another victim.

"Thank you, sergeant." Simon stood up. Clapping his hand on Kyle's shoulder.

I see you.

"Don't mention it, sir."

The drive to your house takes around twenty minutes, which means that's all the time Simon has to try and figure out a way to atone for his sins.

They're too gracious to even hold a grudge against you. A small part of Simon tells him. While he hopes that's true, he still wants to apologize and acknowledge how unfair he's been to you. If not to make you feel better, at the very least it will ease his conscience.

He drums his finger on the steering wheel, the radio turned on but on low volume. For once, Simon wishes he had Johnny's ability to get out of problems with his alluring words and his kicked-puppy look.

Lost in his own thoughts, he hadn't even realized he's been sitting in his parked car for a few minutes. He clasps his hands when he realizes they're shaking. God, he was so terrified. Not of you, no. He was scared of having to see what he's done to you. Is terrified of really seeing the carnage Simon Riley had tore in you.

He lets out a bated breath and opens the car door. He knows you're home by now, probably cooking away while listening to some indie band. Resting his head on your door, he braces himself once more, and knocks.

He waits, the seconds feeling like hours. The door swings open and he sees your surprised face.

"Simon." You compose yourself immediately, not wanting to show any sort of weakness in front of him. Something twitches on the corners of his mouth hidden by the balaclava. As if realizing he's still wearing it, he takes it off.

"Can I come in?" He asks timidly, as if approaching a wounded animal. He had no idea how you'd react after him being gone for so long. Even during his three month deployments, he'd sometimes text you once every fortnight. But after the way he left things, he couldn't bring himself to message you at all. Couldn't even stomach the thought of you still pining over him after what he had done. It was easier for him to simply block your number. Photos of sunsets and coffee cups gathering dust in his photo album, unsent.

You didn't even think about it, your body unconsciously moving sideways to let him in. A part of you screams at yourself.

Idiot, show some dignity.

It had been so easy for you to let the man who had left you for six months without a word back into your apartment, into your life.

You felt like an addict. Constantly begging for your next fix and taking whatever scraps are thrown your way. It's pitiful, but you're too far gone, anyway. His dirty boots make contact with your hardwood floor, leaving small specks of mud on them. Simon notices the frown marring your face and begins to unlace his boots.

"Sorry." He apologizes, neatly tucking away his muddy boots at the side of your door. You close the door behind him, making your way towards your kitchen. The plate clatters loudly in the sink as you haphazardly put them away, clearly rattled.

Simon coughs slightly, words stuck in his throat. He'd prepared a small speech earlier yet all the words seem to escape him. All the courage he had mustered for his little speech all had but disappeared into thin air. He feels out of his depths, not used to being vulnerable.

"What are you doing here, Simon?" Your voice sounds so tired. He supposes he was to blame for that.

"Can we talk?" He sends you a pleading look, hoping you still felt a sliver of the love you used to harbor for him — the only thing stopping you from kicking him out.

"Oh, so after blocking me and radio silence for six months you've decided you want to talk?" The bitterness seeps into your words like venom. He can't even make himself physically recoil from the sharp edge of your tone. Simon can feel the thin rope right beneath his feet, one wrong step and he'd be falling off the edge.

He takes a deep breath. "I deserve that."

"Oh, you deserve more than that Simon Riley. I should kick you out right now." You were huffing now, going slightly red in the face. Had he not been so anxious he might've thought you look cute. But right now? He was downright terrified.

"Just-" Simon pinches his nose bridge, calming himself down. "Let me speak for a moment, yeah? After that if you want me to leave, I'll leave." He holds both his hands up.

You were livid, rightfully so. The man you love had essentially decided he didn't want to communicate with you anymore, breaking your heart. The first week you thought maybe something had happened to his phone, broken it maybe?

As the weeks turned into months, the realization dawned on you that he had purposefully blocked you, cut off all contact. At first there was only sadness. You spent your days crying into your blanket, some days barely functioning. The hurt and betrayal had emotionally drained you. Did all those years mean nothing to him?

You knew he had a hard time expressing his emotions, but never in your wildest dreams did you think he would throw you away just like that. Like you were nothing more to him than a good fuck. Despite your head telling you otherwise, the emotional baggage he had left you with didn't leave much option.

It was easier to hate him than to accept maybe he didn't love you at all.

You spent the first few months cursing into the wind hoping it'd somehow hurt him a fraction of how much he hurt you. Afterwards, the pain became a lingering , dull ache, but not debilitating anymore. It became a constant that you carry everyday.

Kicking him out the door was tempting, but you knew it wouldn't do you any good. If anything, the words left unsaid would become a leech — slowly draining away your curiosity until you eventually leave another voicemail.

You give him a pointed stare before sitting down on the couch. Simon slowly approached you, wanting nothing more than to sit next to you but choosing to sink into the other side of the couch. He sees you cross your arms, feeling more uncomfortable by the second.

"I jus' wanna say that I'm sorry." He stares into your eyes, slouched with elbows on his thighs. Seeing your mouth thin into a line, Simon knows he's going to have to do a lot better.

"When Johnny died..." Your eyes widen, arms slacking slightly. He'd talk about Johnny sometimes but sometime ago had entirely stopped mentioning his name altogether. You had suspected something terrible had happened but you didn't want to believe it.

"I was so angry. It's not fair. He was so young, had his whole future ahead of him. Told me he was gonna see his sister's newborn on his next leave." He breathes out, clenching his fists.

"All of that, gone. We haven't even caught the bastard yet." Simon runs an exasperated hand through his face. Your arms were no longer crossed, choosing to fiddle with the edge of your shirt. You wanted to comfort him so badly, wanted to take him into your arms and tell him everything's going to be okay. But he was still pouring his heart out and you wanted to greedily snatch every piece he was willing to give.

"I had constant nightmares for months. Sometimes, I still do. You're just a heavy sleeper, I suppose." He chuckles and catches the way the edge of your mouth turn up.

"It's never easy, losing someone. It changes you. I used to hear his nonsense almost everyday and now it's just not there. I'm terrified one day it'll be like he was never there at all." Simon looks away, blinking tears away.

"But he was there. I know that. I felt him. He was like the fucking sun, but instead of being 150 million kilometers away, he's next to my ear with his Scottish nonsense." Simon chuckles bitterly, reminiscing the times when Johnny had to translate his gibberish.

You stay quiet, letting him speak freely. You had a feeling where this was going and how Johnny's death had indirectly impacted your relationship.

"If I died tomorrow, would you be okay?" His question catches you off guard. It was a question you've pondered a thousand times before, and every time you only ever came up with one answer.

"No." You answer honestly, because you'd break either way. Whether it was tomorrow or a year from now. You can feel a part of Simon in your bloodstream that if he died, some part of you would die with him.

"I only ever wanted you to be okay." He straightens, testing the waters by moving closer to you. You let him.

"Would you prefer if I never loved you at all?" Your heart was thumping loudly in your chest you worried he could hear it.

"No." His answer was immediate, as if he'd never been as sure before. "Not selfless enough for that."

"Then are you selfless enough to accept that I would want it to hurt?" You put your hand on top of his, gently grasping them within yours. Simon feels the broken pieces of him mending together.

He's quiet, not sure how to respond. He didn't use to understand why people would put themselves on the line, but he's starting to.

"If you died, I'd want it to hurt. I'd want it to take my breath away. I'd want it to keep me awake at night. I'd want every single bone in my body to ache when you're gone, because that would mean I have loved you with all of me."

You don't realize you'd started crying. There was no distance anymore between you and Simon. His thigh pressed against yours as you clutch his hand to your chest.

"I want it to hurt so badly, because I want to love you deeply." Tears were streaming freely down your face you couldn't even stop them even if you wanted to.

"Simon, will you let me hurt for you?"

And he lets you.

"Okay." His hand go to engulf your frame, but you had thrown yourself at him before he managed to. Simon can feel his shirt getting wet, he'd never thought he'd be slightly happy over the fact that you were crying.

Everything's going to be okay.

Your head was now on his collarbone, his palm gently holding you there. You feel a kiss on the top of your head as he strokes it.

Neither of you know how long you simply cried on him, much less when you ended up on his lap. When he heard you stop — tired from the energy you exerted, he slowly rearranges his body so that you are able to lie fully on top of him. His sore back is the last thing on his mind as he sees your peacefully sleeping away.

A pounding headache eventually woke you. You weren't sure if last night really happened or if your mind had conjured a scenario where Simon came back for you. However, the sweltering heat you feel on your midsection proves otherwise.

He really was here.

His eyes were closed, seeming to be asleep. You test the waters, placing your palm on the left side of his face. A hand immediately darts towards your hand and keeps it there.

"Put some pills on your nightstand for the headache." He murmurs, eyes still closed. His face turns slightly, placing a kiss on your palm. Even after half a year away, he still knows you like the back of his hand.

Leaning in, you give him a peck on the cheek. As much as you want to drink in the sight of him, there were more pressing matters at hand. You need the reassurance. You need him to tell you he wasn't going to abandon you again.

"Simon, did you mean it?" You can't get the entire words out, can only hope it was enough to convey your tumultuous emotions. His heart aches that you don't believe him, but he understands.

"I love you, sweetheart." Soft lips descend upon your own, barely brushing.

"'M here to stay as long as you want me here." He sneaks a hand under you, pulling you closer to him. There isn't any part of you that's not connected to him in some way.

He was so warm, scorching you inside out. You wanted his flame to burn every inch of your skin. When he left, everything felt cold to the bone, your life turning into muted blues and grays.

Simon brought warmth into your life, with his little acts of service. With the little trinkets he brings back after deployment because it reminded him of you. With his gentle hands, gentle kisses — his gentle self.

"I love you, Si." You whisper, grabbing him by the neck and lowering your lips onto his. Brushing softly, you were going to pull away when Simon lets out a moan. Heat builds inside of you as you slip your tongue inside his open mouth. He grunts in surprise, holding you still for a second. But you're impatient.

"Need you." You whine, "Want you so much, Si."

"Yeah?" He mumbles against your lips, running his hands through your hair gently.

"Thought I'd be in the dog house much longer than that, love." He teases you. Simon yelps slightly when you retaliate by biting on his lower lip. He grips both your cheeks with his fingers, pushing you away from him.

"That wasn't very nice of you, hmm?" He gently shakes your head, grinning handsomely. "Think you need a little lesson in being nice, sweetheart. Lucky for you, I'm an excellent teacher." He leans in and kisses your puckered lips, working his way downwards.

His hands wander everywhere, working themselves underneath your shirt. You feel goosebumps rise where his fingertips lay, shivering under his hold.

"Missed you so much, Si. Please." Your moans echo throughout the room. He's holding your thighs together as he trails down your body as you writhe.

"Missed you too, love. Fuck, missed you so fucking much." He manages to say. He cups your ass as he mouths at your panty-covered mound. Your juices seep through the fabric, making Simon groan.

"Mmm.. Someone missed me too." He runs his tongue up and down your slit as you cross both your legs behind his neck. He felt you clench your thighs and he feels blood rushing downwards. Turning his head slightly to the right, he nips lightly at your inner thigh.

He'd barely touched you but here you are already begging for it. Simon Riley has you wrapped around his finger and it scares you a little how much of a hold he has on you. You had bared your neck so openly for him and he had bit down the first chance he got.

"Will you let me take care of you, love? Make you feel good." He hums, fingers trailing along your inner thigh waiting for permission. You nod fervently before realizing he can't see you.

"Yes, yes, yes. Need you to take care of me, Si." Your heart was beating fast out of anticipation.

"Yeah? I'll make you feel good, baby." He coos at you as his fingers slowly pull down your panties. Strings of your juices were sticking to the insides. He threw them aimlessly, eyes zeroed in on your wet pussy.

His finger runs through your folds, making squelching noises. "All this for me, hmm?" He tilts his head up, pinching when you don't reply immediately. The sudden sensation makes you whimper.

"All for you, Si. Just for you." You were panting heavily as Simon sucks your clit into his mouth and licks in a circular motion. You thread your fingers in his hair, not tugging harshly.

Simon laps at your pussy like a starved man, burying his entire face in your warmth. He moans between every few licks, the taste of you dazing him. Your eyes glaze over as you see the man you love pleasuring you with earnest. He continues for a while, alternating his focus between your bud and your folds.

When you tug at his shirt impatiently, Simon grunts. He gets up and throws his shirt over his head. Not one second after it's off, you begin to paw at him, desperate to feel every inch of him.

Simon thinks he's never seen such a beautiful sight. Your hair was messy from your movements, eyes hazy as he can feel goosebumps on his body where you stare. He grabs your face and kisses you desperately, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth. His clothed bulge was grinding messily against your wet pussy as his boxers begin to darken from the wetness.

Simon's whimper fill the room when he feels you grinding upwards to rub yourself on his cock. He pulls from your lips with a string of saliva. Not waiting for him, you scramble to take off your shirt, baring your tits to him.

His eyes drink in the state of you greedily, one hand groping your tits as the other travels down to your pussy. You were beyond wet enough for his cock, but he's determined to make you cum on his fingers first.

Two fingers slip into you gently. The stretch catches you off guard, it's been a while since you've had his thick fingers probing inside you. His fingers were thrusting shallowly as you grind on his palm.

"Fuck, Simon. Feels so good." You babble, barely able to keep your eyes open, the pleasure overwhelming your senses.

"Yeah? Gonna make you feel even better." With that, his fingers thrust deeper into you, massaging your spot. Your back arches as Simon plants his face on your chest, sucking on your nipples.

He crooks his fingers slightly as he continues thrusting, his palm touching your clit with each time. You couldn't stay still anymore, moving your hips back to meet his thrusts.

The room was filled with wet, squelching noises and your combined moans. Your hands were gripping his bicep, feeling the large muscle flex under your fingertips.

His thick fingers continue his ministration as you begin to climb higher and higher. Your walls begin to pulse and constrict his fingers. Sweat drips down his forehead as he continues to drive into your pussy with his deft fingers.

"You gonna cum on my fingers, love?" He teases, placing kisses all over your damp face.

"Yes, oh fuck. Please, please let me cum."

Simon grins against your neck, placing sloppy kisses all over. His fingers begin to speed up even faster, hitting your sweet spot with every effort. You feel the familiar tingling sensation begin to build in your core.

Your legs begin to tremble as you struggle to get air inside of your lungs. Panting harshly, you close your eyes as your orgasm starts to reach its peak.

His hand leaves your tits as they begin to rub circles on your clit. The combined assault on your clit and your pussy brings you over the edge.

"Look at me when you cum." Your eyes open immediately as you find him staring directly into yours. Your legs tremble deliciously, hands gripping Simon even tighter as you feel your orgasm wash over you. Mouth agape, your back continues to arch as Simon doesn't stop, overstimulating you with a few shallow thrusts.

Simon's hand was covered in your juices as he slowly withdraws them. Your pussy clenches, feeling empty. He brings his fingers to your mouth and taps your lips. Obediently, you open your lips and let him slide his fingers inside your mouth.

Circling your tongue all finger, your eyes begin to close again. When you blink them open, you see Simon's bare body hovering above yours. His cock was standing proudly, shiny with precum. You feel the urge to take his cock into your mouth. When your hand tries to reach for him, it's stopped by his firm grip.

"Next time, yeah? Need to fuck your pretty pussy, baby." He slowly pulls his fingers out of your mouth, wiping them on his hip. He repositions his cock at your pussy, sliding the head up and down your folds.

Tilting your head down, you see Simon's hand grip his cock firmly as it slowly rubs his precum all over your pussy. He groans seeing your juices mix together. Moving your hips upwards, you try to push his head in and he hisses.

He grabs your hips and gently lowers them on the bed. "You just lay there and take it, yeah? Let me do all the work." You preen, more than happy to lay there and see him move above you.

"Put it in, Si. Missed your cock so much." You whimper, pressing delicate kisses on his neck. He nudges your nose with his, capturing your lips into a kiss. Your moan gets interrupted by your own grunt of surprise as the head of his cock slips in.

His cock was thicker than his two fingers, with veins running all over the shaft rubbing your walls deliciously. You link your legs behind his waist, helping him push deeper.

When he's inside you, it's like two pieces of puzzle fitting together. His cock fit so perfectly inside you, as if you were made for him and him for you. You knew Simon was it for you a long time ago, falling head over heels so easily for the grumpy soldier. You weren't happy at how long it took him to come to his senses, but you're glad either way.

He thrusts slowly, going deeper with each shift of his hips. His tongue tangles with yours as wet noises fill the room. You know when he's pushed in to the hilt when you feel him bump against your cervix slightly. Your pussy clenches at the tiny pain, causing Simon to moan out.

"Fuck, you're squeezing me so well, sweetheart." He stays there for a moment, grinding his cock inside. You only stop kissing when you pull away to beg him to start moving. Both his hands are placed firmly on your hips when he begins thrusting.

He moves back and forth slowly, the walls of your pussy feeling every drag of his big cock. You hiss against his mouth, the sensation lights up every nerve in your body. You beg him to go faster but he ignores you, continuing to sink slowly.

When you're about to wail at the pace again, he thrusts sharply — his cock sinking deep into your pussy. You gasp, clawing his back when he continues to move slowly but going deep with each thrust. You can hear the sound of his balls smacking against your ass.

Your combined juices were dripping out of your pussy, causing wet noises whenever he moves inside you. You don't know how long he continues his brutal motion, your eyes dazed and breath unsteady.

You've never felt this way before. It feels as if he's everywhere inside you, there isn't a part of you that doesn't feel touched by him. He thrusts as if he's trying to imprint himself in you, trying to permanently leave a mark.

"Such a pretty pussy. Doing so well f' me, sweetheart. You gonna let me cum in you? Gonna let me fill you up nicely?" He grunts, his composure starting to unravel. His cock begins to piston in you messily as he loses himself in your pussy.

"Yes, yes, yes. Fuck, love you so much, Si. Need your cum in me." You cry out desperately, tightening your legs and pulling him deeper inside you.

"So good to me, love. Letting me cum in your pretty pussy." His form begins to shake slightly from exertion. You know his hands were going to bruise your hips from how hard he was gripping them but you couldn't care less.

Your body moves up and down from the force of his thrust. His cock touching your cervix with each delicious thrust. Your pussy begins to pulse wildly on his cock as you feel another orgasm build inside you. When his cock begins to pulse, your eyes roll to the back of your head as it sends you over the edge. You moan out his name loudly, pulling him by the neck to your chest as his arms hug you to him.

You feel his desperation and love when he holds you. He hugs you so tight to him your ribs ache. You never want this feeling to go away.

"I love you so much, fuck." Your orgasm triggers his own, his cock pulsing as his creamy load fills up your pussy. He's so snug inside your pussy the excess cum begins to drip out. When he stops unloading inside you, he moves slowly, thrusting a few times shallowly. A part of him wants to look at the way his seed drips from your pussy but he didn't want to move away from you.

You both pant with eyes closed as your breathing begins to even out. Simon slowly pulls out and you hiss at the feel of his cock leaving you empty. You look down and see his cock covered in his cum and yours.

Your head falls back down to the pillow, eyes closing shut. Simon stares at the ceiling and huff, righting himself. You feel him plant a kiss to your forehead as the bed dips.

"'M gonna go clean us up, yeah? You stay there." You hear him step into the bathroom, going to wash himself and grab a clean towel to clean up your mess. By the time he came back, you had already passed out, judging by the sound of your low snores.

He begins to wipe your thighs and try to dry the surrounding areas as best he can. He'll change the sheets later when you're well-rested. Simon climbs into bed, hugging you to him. He runs his fingers through your hair, slowly unknotting them one by one.

He stares at your sleeping from and grins. Lowering his lips to yours, he keeps them there for a few seconds.

"I love you."

You can only mumble in response, too tired to properly articulate the words.

"I love you too, Simon."

[astrxbtchs]

What does the person you can’t get off your mind want to tell you? 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊

PIle 1 ᶠᶸᶜᵏᵧₒᵤ! PIle 2 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 Pile 3☆𓆏𓍊𓋼𓍊

Choose the pile that resonates with you the most in whatever way you see fit. I ask my spirit guides to place this upon the collective of people that need to see it, and those only. I ask that you are truthful with yourself. So if you are seeing this is a pick-a-pile reading it is for a reason, pls don't take it for granted. Whatever pile you choose and most guided to you is exactly what you need to hear. Always remember roles can be reversed.

** ⚠️TRIGGER WARNING IF YOU DONT WANT TO HEAR THE TRUTH THESE READINGS ARE NOT FOR YOU!!!⚠️

Pile 1

This pile is VERY VERY harsh

The Chariot reversed, Death, The Devil reverse, Judgement reverse, 10 of swords

Pile one this person wants to tell you its over. I don’t know what happened between you guys for the energy to be so harsh, but they are done and they aren’t looking back. Point blank period. You may have been over giving to this situation where a person was keeping secrets from you. It seems this connection was very in and out. They are exhausted from the constant back and forth and power struggles here. They felt like no matter where they turned with you, the connection just would not go right. It was constant pattern of toxicity here that they want to be released from. This connection has really hurt them bad and taken toll on them, they feel that its finally time to take their energy back and heal parts of themselves you might have had a part in breaking. This is a very painful ending for the both of you, but its no turning back. Whatever happened here changed everything. They are in immense pain, I see a lot of tears and releasing. They feel you guys weren’t right for each other but the toxicity was very addicting. This may have gone on for a long time, maybe even years and its finally on its wits end. This person really felt like you did them wrong. You may have cheated on them or they cheated on you. It feels very karmic. Release

1010 | 111 | 11 | 1011 | XX | XV | 3 years 

“love aint got to shit to do with me and you“

“Don’t take nothing for you to love me babe”

“All these b*tches don’t wanna be cheated on, but all these b*tches want to cheat”

**alot of little Kim songs were channels this may be a femme fatale, lilith energy.

Pile 2.

3 of swords, 6 of wands reversed, hanged man, the star, emperor in the reverse

This maybe someone from the past that you disconnected from because they didnt take any action towards you. They are still trying to figure out where their emotions lie with you but there is a feeling of despair. I feel like this pile feels like you left them hanging when they really wanted you, and this cause their confidence and self esteem to plummet. You may have ghosted this person or they ghosted you because they didnt have the courage to come forward. You make them feel small and powerless and they constantly overthink how the this connection ended and what they could have done to change the outcome to something better. They really saw a future with you in the past but lack of confidence is what held this back on either party. They wish they could show the depth of their emotions but I don’t see them coming forward with this information and just keeping it within their head. They are working on healing their own confidence at this point. You both may have been waiting for each other to make the first move but nobody ever did. They seem to have a low self-confidence in general or aren’t as mature. They might have trust issues as well and its hard for them to even trust in the first place. You might have declined their calls or didn’t respond to their message, they might have thought that there was someone else. 

 Pisces Aquarius Aries 

“Dont you be holding back your love, don’t you be holding back

Pile 3.

3 of swords, Hanged man reverse, 7 of wands reverse, 3 of wands, ace of swords, 9 of wands

Pile 2 and Pile 3 are very similar. I HIGHLY advice that if you chose this pile to read pile 2 as well. I feel this person is very afraid to tell you some sort of truth. There is a lot of pain being experienced here form this person and I feel it is because they are afraid to take action towards something they really have to say to you. This connection seems to be divinely guided by your spirit guides and whatever happened here was supposed to happen in both of you guys’ life to teach you a valuable lesson, no matter how painful it was. Although this person is very afraid, they are gaining confidence to come in and tell you some truth. They are standing up to their fears and freeing themselves from shame. They are feeling very empowered in the moment. This person felt like they got a false start with you and they now want to reintroduce themselves, for what they really are and be truthful about their true character. They may have came off as a player. They are taking huge strides within themselves to come correct. They seem to still be stuck on hurt and regrets of the past. They are completely re-inventing themselves as of right now and working on how they can be as brave as possible. I see them wanting to come in very bold and direct, they are just looking for the right time. They would like to tell you that whether it works out with you or not they are in a place where they are happy just being the best version of themselves. 

“I work to please me cause I can’t please you, that’s why I do what I do” 

Fire sign energy heavy

141 | 144 | 414 | 114

Dallas 

“Blocked me from your phone, im still loving you"

[set-wingedwarrior]

My most important sapphic ships post before Pride Month ends

What the title says, studying kept (and still keeps me) busy so we gotta go fast lol

Bumbleby (RWBY)

to the surprise of absolutely no one, they get first place (despite me not going in a particular order) because of reasons. They're perfect. Soulmates. Slowburn of all time. Yin and Yang. Eyes the color of each other's souls. Truest OTP to ever OTP in my book. ∞/10

Konosetsu (Negima!)

I already talked about them in their own post, this scene changed my life leading to my self-discovery and it still lives rent-free in my mind.

Kyosaya (Madoka Magica)

I'd also add MadoHomu but I'm trying to keep it to just one for each fandom. That said, they still make me mentally unwell. I love them, and I did for a long time now. I can't wait for the next movie to come out and suffer.

Ruby and Sapphire (Steven Universe)

These bitches had the first cartoon gay wedding and kiss DO I NEED TO SAY MORE???

Korrsami (Avatar)

Still down the queer cartoons making history path, these two made me insane back in the day because I still didn't understand I was queer and lots of sapphic couple were starting to appear in media, and I remember jokingly say how "lesbian ships were hauting me". All I can say now is "Thank you" lol. Anyway, they were incredibly important and all the people criticizing how little queerness there's in the show will never understand just how massive this scene was.

Catradora (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)

Friends to Enemies to back to Friends to Lovers. Iconic. I still want a movie with their adventures bringing magic back to the universe.

Hollstein (Carmilla)

My third beloved blonde with a cat gf ship. I miss this web-series every day. Also, Natasha Negovanlis played an immense role in my gay awakening.

Ellie and Riley (The Last of Us: Left Behind)

Ellie and Dina are adorable and I love them, BUT I just will never get over these two. That dlc fucked me up. (also, they're in the same category with Korrasami as "gay ships that hauted me before I realized I was queer" lol)

Lumity (The Owl House)

I remember starting this show feeling it as the successor of Steven Universe, at least to me. We could say that at level of mistreatment from its parent company, it defenitely surpassed it, but at least I'm glad I was right and we got Luz and Amity becoming canon. I love these two and not a day passes without me yelling at Disney for what it did to them.

Bubbline (Adventure Time)

I actually watched Adventure Time fully only recently, but I always loved them even when I watched the show randomly when it appeared in tv back in the day. Getting to see the progression properly just made me love them even more.

Yasammy (Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous/Chaos Theory)

Incredibly recent addition, but I am so glad that I checked out Camp Cretaceous and got into it. It's a nice show and these two are a really cute couple, their confession and especially Yaz's internal turmoil were just so on point. I was really happy to see them go still strong in Chaos Theory, and I can't wait for next season.

Pricefield (Life is Strange)

These two caused me pain in the best possible way. I felt literal heartbreak at the Bay Ending, and I was just as emotional at the Bae one (Bae > Bay Forever) I hope the new game will respect their relationship OR ELSE.

Wow, this is quite the list. I do have an amazing taste, if I do say so myself, ahah!

Well, I guess this is it for now, glad I could make it before Pride Month was over! Knowing myself I might have actually forgotten some though, so keep an eye out for possible updates (what makes me even think that you'd care? lol).

That would be all, be gay and do crimes! Bye!

[nixnephili]

Fyo!Atsushi A.U. -Dazai...

Finished up some sketches from a while back of Fyo!Atsu Dazai~..

I feel like he'd really struggle with emotional management. Much like answering to different normal stimuli with genuine emotion.

There's a lot to be said about him...

Dazai is a conflicting character- in the aspect that he's acting out of guilt for the immense pain and suffering he has caused innocent people around him. People like Akutagawa, who were vulnerable and dependent on him- who he abused mercilessly and with no regard for the damage he was causing and which he may never reverse. And even though he acts on that guilt- he does very little for the victims of his own issues... thinking that tossing his past away is enough- I based this story concept of him on the idea that it isn't- that no matter what he went through himself, he REALLY hurt a lot of people. His trauma is no excuse to traumatize others.

`Mori: "You can play your games with whoever you want but you can't play them with me."

Osamu: "Everything that's ever happened to me was your fault-! It started with you-"

Mori: "It's always everyone else's fault and yet you keep playing yourself up to be the worst of the worst. All the time 'Oh if I hadn't done that', 'If I weren't the way I am-'. Well, you did. And you are. So who's at fault then? You ? Or the entire rest of the world, according to you.`

-Nix🌙

[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝟑: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏.

feel free to change pronouns / wording! potential spoilers!

" we have been apart for far too long. "

" seems as though your business is thriving. "

" there's no need to shout. "

" you've gotten rather good. "

" do you not wish to greet me? "

" i was nowhere and everywhere. "

" the lack of interest here today shall usher me to an early grave at any moment. "

" i simply could use some peace. "

" the truth has a way of rearing its ugly head. "

" i take it you are finally done with daydreaming? "

" do you find yourself back in town for any particular reason? in search of something or... someone? "

" i do not wish to see a citrus colour, ever again. "

" you have never been one for silly romances. "

" a man cannot tell his secrets. "

" i have kept your secret exactly because i do not wish to keep revisiting the past. "

" i must make a good impression. "

" i wonder what whistledown will write about next issue. "

" what a striking gown you have on. "

" i should like a moment alone. "

" once one finds oneself on the wall, it is difficult to come off it. "

" you do not much like attracting notice, do you? "

" it is a pity you did not choose something sturdier. "

" if you are going to make me say it out loud, i miss you. "

" what you did was cruel, and unnecessary. "

" i'm sorry for intruding. "

" it pains me to see you upset. "

" if a husband is what you seek, then... let me help you. "

" what i have learned is that charm can be taught. "

" i do love a game, especially when i am so often the victor. "

" i do not fear change, i embrace it. "

" i do not care what lady whistledown writes about me. "

" i should like to see your skills as they are, first. "

" i suggest you make good use of it. "

" you agree, i am unteachable. "

" you already know how to do this. "

" it is impossible to be in society and not care what others think. "

" do you think me a magician? "

" we needed a place to be alone. "

" you don't have to be embarrassed, you know me. "

" that's exactly why i will feel even more embarrassed, because i know you. "

" somehow my character gets lost between my heart and my mouth, and i find myself saying the wrong thing or more likely nothing at all. "

" your eyes are the most remarkable shade of blue. yet, somehow, they shine even brighter when you are kind. "

" your writing... it is very good. "

" they've taken to hunting in packs. "

" you know, whenever i have a disagreement with an acquaintance, i find the best course of action is simply to pretend they are dead. "

" talents? no. unless you consider a knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time a talent. "

" now i can stuff my mouth with chocolates without fear of appearing impolite. "

" i do not much care for idle gossip. "

" i think i am somehow afraid i will do something wrong. "

" despite the cover of night, there are still eyes upon us all at all times. "

" what is foolish is being unreasonable about what you can achieve. "

" men can often cause much more trouble than they are worth. "

" i bribed her to give us a minute alone. "

" a small taste of the light can lead to that most dangerous of emotions: hope. "

" once hope is lost, a lady may become reckless. "

" would you kiss me? "

" i do not wish to die without ever having been kissed. "

" i apologise for the late hour, but i had to see you, immediately. "

" you occupy my every thought. "

" you slept late. "

" i slept peacefully. "

" a week sequestered in your room, and you come down and you say this to me? "

" i noticed you have not been seen in society for some time. "

" i would certainly rather be predator than prey. "

" i think i see a corner in which to hide myself. "

" you must simply follow your heart. "

" it is the mark of a good man, to help a friend in need. "

" unfortunately, i require all pity for myself. "

" i find your frankness immensely refreshing. "

" is there some reason you are trying to escape civilisation? "

" we can do whatever we want. "

" i have heard a great deal about you. "

" that was a thrilling distraction, was it not? "

" it was a good thing no one was injured. "

" a man can be pensive, can he not? "

" i am in awe of your heroism. "

" some cannot help being heroes. "

" in need of some quiet? i have been in search of it all night. "

" perhaps we can enjoy the silence together. "

" well, then you have misjudged me. "

" i am not afraid of you. "

" courage is within us all. "

" as long as we are honest with ourselves and about our feelings, it is possible to do anything. "

" the person i was earlier today... i was pretending to be someone i am not. "

" how many yous are there, exactly? and where do you hide them all? "

" i have come to call on you. "

" i do not wish to be called on. "

" step another pace backwards, you read me too well. "

" i do not wish to interfere. "

" i cannot have you growing distracted. "

" i do not mind a stirring tale or a book of fact but, in truth i find myself drawn back time and time again to stories of... love. "

" i do not believe i have ever had a friend call to the house before. "

" a gentleman must keep some things to himself. "

" do not tell me you are holding out for love. "

" love is make-believe. "

" do you know what is romantic? security. "

" i am grateful to you, for keeping me company. "

" past lives are dangerous places to revisit. "

" if you need to keep your distance from me a while, i understand. "

" you are unlike many people. "

" i do not feel much like talking. "

" i am not a man of many words. "

" my work has such a large portion of my heart it may be difficult to make more space. "

" i cannot stand by and watch you make a mistake. "

" the only mistake was me ever asking for your help in the first place. "

" it is said that the heart is forever making the head its fool. "

" will you please let us ride home in silence and leave me alone. "

" what if i did have feelings for you? "

" i have spent so long trying to feel less. "

" these past few weeks have been full of confounding feelings, feelings like a total inability to stop thinking about you. "

" do not say things you do not mean. "

" do you think anyone saw us? "

" are you going to marry me or not? "

[emotionalmessss]

Me again hehe ok so what if Sukuna had a frail s/o that bruises really easily like he could flick her arm and an hour later boom purple spot

A/N: ahhh. I know sukuna is like the opposite of nice/gentle, but I'm going to be taking a different approach with this. I tried to answer the best I could, I swear my brain likes to run with things and spew out random shit.

Warnings: slight violence, teasing, unhealthy relationships, soft-ish sukuna?

it was hard for sukuna to come to terms that he actually liked you. he noticed he was paying a little too much attention to you. nothing particularly peaked his interest much like you did. the thought of having feelings for something other than himself bothered him immensely. fruitlessly, he tried to suppress these emotions.

in his mind, he thought that if he ignored them, they'd eventually go away. so he resorted to his usual tactics; teasing, taunting, and humiliating you.

this succeeded in very little. he found himself even more enamoured by you. he loved watching you and never seemed to leave your side.

you'd grown accustom to his little games and stopped feeding into it. you knew he enjoyed your reactions and you weren't going to give him the satisfaction.

this annoyed him. although, he thoroughly enjoyed watching you unconsciously fight with your inner self. your face twisting up in a grimace, blush creeping in on your cheeks, and fists clenching at your sides.

his advancements were becoming intense. you couldn’t have more than a few hours to yourself without him intruding. it was strange. you couldn’t place why he was so interested in you and you tried to ignore it. it wasn’t an easy task. besides his taunting words and sadistic humour, he started being physical. he would stand closer to you than normal, hovering over you in a manner that screamed dominance.

sukuna found himself watching you more and more - his interest peaking to a borderline obsession. if he couldn’t ignore these feelings, he’d just have to embrace them. no one was allowed to harm you, except him, of course. you were his. his to torment. his to enjoy.

he noticed you were fragile, like a fucking child. If he grabbed with even just an ounce of his normal strength, your skin reddened. normally he'd feed off this new finding, but something else dwelled in his stomach. he wanted you all to himself. the desire to hurt you shifted into the need to have you.

a thick hand caught your wrist, instinctively causing your body to react and jerk backwards. your mask slipped from your face as you felt his grip tighten. the desire to flee was overwhelming, so much so that you'd combust if you stood still.

sukuna merely glanced down his nose at you, tightening his hold as you moved to step back. oh, no. you're not going anywhere. the need to have you close amplified and he tugged you closer, earning a hiss of response.

his eyes flicked to your wrist, noticing your pale skin darkening to a purple bruise. he couldn't hide the look of surprise on his face. his brows twitching as his eyes narrowed.

"such a fragile thing, aren't you?" his expression hardened again, but the softness of his voice couldn't be hidden.

he knew humans were fragile - there was no doubt in his mind about that. but he didn't expect this. he usually felt pleasure in causing pain towards others, but you were different. seeing all the cuts and bruises that littered your arms and legs made him unsettled.

he did his best to hide it, but you were smart. the way his expression shifted into slight concern before reverting to boredom, never went unnoticed.

his approach shifted, and you noticed it. sukuna refrained from using excessive force on you and instead, opted to softer gestures.

"hurt yourself again, brat?" you looked up at him, crossed legged at the bottom of his shrine.

"no." you stubbornly answered, flicking at your nails.

"hm." he shifted on his makeshift throne, glaring down at you with a bored expression.

he was crouching in front of you now, taking you by surprise and making you flinch back. his hand enveloped yours as he studied the fading bruise on your wrist.

"doesn't look that way to me." he muttered, focusing his attention on your arm.

sukuna’s usual lack of interest in anything changed. in your first meeting, he barely gave you a second glance. you weren’t important to him. he could care less about you. but now, his eyes lingered over you. he’d quickly check over your body when he thought you wouldn’t notice. at first, you couldn’t place why he was doing this. was it to make you uncomfortable? no. he was checking for any indications that you might be hurt.

[concreteangel92]

Letting Go

Noah Sebastian x female reader

18+

Warnings: sub!noah, dom/sub relationship, bdsm, oral (f&m receiving) PiV, whipping (kinda) being restrained, praise kink, wearing a collar and lead (not pet play as such but take it as you will)

So after writing my little headcanon the other day (read here) I had to write this immediately, sub Noah just hits fucking different, scratches that itch ahaha hope you all enjoy!!

Tags: @reyadawn @bruisedleftknee @like-a-omen @ladyveronikawrites

MASTERLIST

It wasn’t often you switched roles. Noah was always the dominant one, the one in control, the one who held all the power.

But sometimes he gave that all up to you.

Recently Noah wasn’t himself, he was withdrawn, exhausted and stressed, he was clearly over worked and burntout. Thankfully he’d made the decision to cancel his summer tour and focus on his health and mental wellbeing. Something you were immensely proud of him for.

You were there for him when he needed it. You held him while he cried, stroking his hair and holding him tight to your chest. You done everything you could to take his pain away as best as you could.

Seeing Noah this way, it was no surprise when one night he snapped at you extremely harshly over nothing, he was just letting out his emotions, something he caught straight away. Noah looked so defeated, you gave him a gentle kiss to ease his fears and you saw his soft eyes looking back at you, he wanted to let go completely, he pressed his forehead against yours and said how he wanted to please you, make it up to you, how he wanted you to take over and that’s exactly what you did.

Now you had him naked and tied up with his arms wide across the bed, you wearing one of his favourite black lace lingerie sets, his head was thrown back, letting out low guttural growls as you whipped his chest with your leather flogger.

You’d been using it to run feather light touches across his body with the tassels before bringing it down harshly leaving red marks that no doubt stung, you’d be worried that Noah wasn’t enjoying it, but seeing him hard and heavy against his stomach told you otherwise.

“Did I deserve those harsh words earlier?”

Noah shook his head, that wasn’t good enough so you whipped his chest hard again.

“I believe I asked you a question!”

“No mistress, you didn’t deserve it, I’m sorry”

You rang your fingers gently across his thigh making his cock twitch.

“And now you want me to look after you?”

Noah opened his eyes to meet yours, a true vulnerability in them.

“Please”

Putting your toy down, you crawled between his legs, nails running down his sides as you heard his sighs. He was so hard it looked almost painful, you saw the beautiful vain running up his shaft while his tip was bright red with pre cum already coming out and you’d barely touched him.

You grasped him in your hand and gave a slow, firm stroke which cause his hips to buck upwards. Leaning forward you licked him up and down before you swirled your tongue around the tip.

Noah cried out while pulling on his restraints, you moved one hand into his hip to keep him as still as possible while your other hand continued to gently stroke him at his base and you took him into your mouth hollowing out your cheeks and then moving up and down, still holding his hips down which he was struggling to keep still.

“Fuck…your mouth feels incredible”

You hummed around him and picked up your pace while your other hand reached to gently massage his balls. Noah was a groaning, whimpering mess which had you clenching on nothing, he sounded so beautiful when he was like this.

You pulled your mouth off of him and crawled up his body until you were hovering over him.

“You ready for me my sweet boy?”

Noah vigorously nodded his head.

“Please, please I need to feel you”

You stroked his face gently, letting your thumb dip into his mouth slightly which he sucked onto. You sat up more while grabbing onto his hard length, you waited for Noah to make eye contact with you before you simply moved your underwear to the side and slid yourself down onto him causing you both to moan out.

“You fill me up so perfectly baby”

Praise was Noah’s true weakness, you felt him twitching inside you immediately.

You placed your hands on his chest and started to move your hips, your pace slow at first but soon picking up.

“Fuck yes….I don’t think….I’ll last…. last long tonight”

Noah was so worked up already, his cheeks were flushed red, sweat had formed on his brow, his hair was a tussled mess, you could see tears in the corner of his eyes as he screwed them shut and the groans he was making you could feel in his chest. His hips started to rut up into you and you knew he was close.

“Mistress…I’m going to….

You cut his sentence off bluntly.

“Beg for it”

You slowed your movements ever so slightly, causing him to whine.

“Fuck mistress please, please, please let me cum”

“You going to fill me up like a good boy? Go on then baby, cum for me”

That was definitely what tipped him over the edge as you slammed your hips down onto his faster, he let out a choked cry as tears slipped down his face and his head rolled back as you felt hot ropes of cum paint your walls causing you to moan with him.

You rode him gently while his high came down and when you felt his body relax, you stilled your movements letting Noah catch his breath.

“Oh my god, that was amazing thank you”

You gave him a smile and reached over to the bedside draw and pulled out a collar and lead and waved them in front do him.

“We aren’t done yet pup, I’m going to put these on you and then release your hands”

Noah nodded his head, knowing what was to be expected of him.

You gently put the collar around his neck and hooked the lead to the end of it before reaching over and undoing both of his restraints. Noah let the feeling come back into his arms properly and then you tugged on the lead to bring him up to you.

“You’ve made me very dirty baby, so you’re going to clean me up. Every. Last. Drop”

Noah groaned and you felt his cock once again twitch inside of you. You slowly slipped yourself off of him and rolled onto your back, you pulled on the lead to bring Noah in between your thighs and hooked it under your right thigh so you’d be able to pull him in.

You spread your legs and watched Noah’s eyes dilate. No matter what roles you two played, Noah could spend hours going down on you.

“I’m waiting”

Noah wasted no time and dove straight into your dripping cunt, his mouth attached to your clit first which caused you to arch off the bed and cry out when he started his almost starved attack.

“That’s it baby….clean me up”

Noah dipped his head down and stuck his tongue straight in, gathering both your juices into mouth with no hesitation.

You pulled on the lead to bring his face even closer and wrapped your other hand into his hair keeping him in place, not that he minded from the loud groan you heard and felt on your core.

“Oh my Noah…don’t stop”

Noah continued to eat you out and taking what was left of his own release, once he was satisfied, he moved back up to work on your sensitive bud while he slipped two of his inked fingers inside, setting up a relentless pace.

You felt your release coming, your stomach was getting tighter, your legs were shaking around his head and you couldn’t stop the moans and cries coming out of you. Pulling on the lead even harder, you felt that coil inside about to snap as you grinded into his face.

“Fuck….Noah right there, I’m going to…”

Your words got stuck in your throat as you screamed out while your legs clamped around his head still shaking and you arched off the bed. Noah kept a good grip onto your legs to keep you grounded and carried you through the aftershocks of your orgasm.

You eased up on the lead so Noah could pull back and what a sight he was, the lower half of his face was completely drenched, his eyes blown and his hair messy from your own hand. He looked beautiful.

You tugged on the lead gently and pulled him into a kiss.

“Thank you baby, you were so good for me, always my best boy”

“I will always be your good boy mistress”

Noah kissed you again sweetly and you removed the collar from his neck and discarded them next to the bed. Noah then cuddled up next to you and you wrapped your arms around him, he rested his head into your chest and you started to rub soothing circles into his hair until he fell asleep.

You knew when he woke up, the roles would once again be reversed, but in this moment, he was your most special good boy who needed to be looked after.

[10underoot2]

Character Study - The chilling warmth of Haein

Haein is a really misunderstood character. She has dark humour. She cares immensely but doesn't show it very openly. She hides her feelings cause she doesn't like to be vulnerable. She's very quick to say things that protect her emotions and she bites with her words just to protect herself. But all of this assertive feistiness comes at a cost. People tend to misunderstand and write Hong Haein off as mean, rude, cold and difficult to live/work with.

Her personality and tendency to appear uncaring has a lot to do with the lack of warmth she received by her family especially her mother. When she meets Hyunwoo she's no different, she puts on no pretences. Over time she warms up to him and shows him her softer more vulnerable side - all of which I'm sure aided in him falling for her deeply. But then that damned chasm occurs, and Hyunwoo much like the rest of the world forgets Haein's soft heart and soul that live underneath the iron clad armour she wears. It hurts me when I think about the pain she experienced realising she's misunderstood even from the man who once showered her with unyielding love and warmth.

Some incidents of Hyunwoo misunderstanding her are so interesting:

- The scene where Haein requests/orders Hyunwoo to accompany her to the hospital.

I love that it was shot from both perspectives. In her mind she sounds extremely soft and worried. It was a request meant to be delivered that way. I'm sure Haein couldn't register what her tone was because her intention were so soft. Why would he reject my request, He's free I'm just asking him to accompany me? But Hyunwoo had just heard about the will. That paired up with the continuous blows he's received the past two years were too much for him to take a moment and understand that this is how she's always spoken.

-The rain scene after their Yongduri night stay (I hold the belief that Haein did indeed often wait up for him).

Haein says: 'I really wasn't waiting for you.' to which Hyunwoo replies 'I know better than anyone, you're not the kind of person who would wait up for me.' In the scene you can see Haein slightly taken aback and offended by that. Because she is the kind of person who waits up for him. Her offence seems so justified. Because why can't Hyunwoo of all people see the real her. When did he forget to understand her? It must be so hurtful for her to think Hyunwoo's forgotten how warm she was with him. I imagine she used to wait up for him before the miscarriage but here she's listening to her husband say she's not that kind of person. (That little scene where Haein sits on the sofa waiting but Hyunwoo chose not to ask her if she was okay is my evidence! There was a post on this as well a while ago!)

It's also evident in her desire to run a hand over his shoulder to remove the dampness there. Her screaming at him to hold the umbrella properly. But he's so oblivious and deaf to her love that it hurts to witness.

- The bar after their day at the Lavender field in Germany at their honeymoon

Haein smiles and says, she wasn't angry after he told her that he had noticed no one else and that his eyes were only on her. But Hyunwoo remembers her being angry for another two hours. This scene was such a small example of it. What if Haein's anger did immediately dissipate but Hyunwoo just interpreted it as her still being angry. I can't offer any evidence as we don't see this scene but their different accounts make me think what if she was just feeling down but he assumed it was a continuation of her anger.

There are so many other examples sprinkled throughout the show as well. I started off really disliking her character but I've grown to really appreciate it. Because once you see how warm Hong Haein is in love, you'll see just how fierce, loyal and undying her conviction and mind is. She'll show and tell you in the most beautiful ways just how much she cares without ever telling you she loves you. She's not cold, she's just misunderstood.

Unfortunately though, life isn't a drama. So when people like this do exist, they tend to be written off as cold, harsh, unlovable. Humans have the potential to be infinitely complex creatures which is why it's been so interesting to see Haein's multi faceated character these past 8 weeks.

Just an additional thought: I also love the difference between Haein and Hyunwoo's business ideologies. Haein is sharp, to the point, efficiency, money and loyalty oriented. While Hyunwoo is soft, caring, warm and people oriented.

We see Hyunwoo's ideology against his father in law. When the FIL wanted to stab his long serving employee it was unfathomable for Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo's ties with the past employees of Queens got him so much information and support. His logical request to the manager of maintenance to make it snow comes after a long, good relationship - it's pretty evident in that scene. I loved how the show displayed Hyunwoo's ability to make deep and good relationships and how it ended up helping them to get Queens back. It's a hugeee contrast to how things run in the Hong Family. It was very fresh to see him show from his actions 'You can be nice and still get the job done'.

But even Hae-in's contacts, though acquired differently, are just as instrumental. The employee she took a stand for, the juice guy and Secretary Na. None of them would call her warm or soft but they would sing her praises if you ever ask them. It's such an interesting parallel between their characters. It also goes to show Haein is a good person, she just tends to show it very selectively and rarely. I do think the 1 Trillion club made her think of only money and efficiency for a while, but I still do believe she had been doing good away from public eyes, changing people's lives - it's just that no one was there to witness or publicize them.

[queenshelby]

Caught Stealing (One Shot)

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Fem!Reader x Isiah Jesus

Warning: CNC! SMUT! MMF! There is a twist at the end for those who are uncomfortable reading this. 🤣

Do not read if you are uncomfortable with this topic!

As you stumble into the dimly lit room, adrenaline surges through your veins, clutching at your throat. Your heart races against your chest, threatening to burst from the tension consuming every fibre of your being. Your vision blurs slightly, and your body trembles involuntarily, a shiver rolling through your frame, betraying your nervousness.

Tommy leans in close, his breath ghosting across your cheek as he whispers something only you can hear. "Don't worry, Love," he murmurs, his voice carrying the same menace that always seems to lurk just beneath the surface. "If you obey me, this won't be as painful as you may think." His words swirl like an alluring dance in your ears, enticing you further into the darkness surrounding you.

His hands glide over your skin, sending a wave of shivers coursing through your veins. Despite your resistance, you find yourself unable to pull away. Your willpower weakens under the relentless pressure of his touch.

Isiah, another member of the gang, stands close by, watching with an air of expectation. His eyes are alight with anticipation, his gaze fixed upon you with an intensity that borders on disturbing mixed with a hint of surprise.

Your thoughts spiral wildly. Your escape seems impossible now as Tommy's grip tightens, holding you firmly in place. Panic wells up inside you, threatening to choke you as you struggle against his grasp. With each desperate attempt to break free, you realize just how little control you have over the situation. The thought of giving in terrifies you even more than the potential consequences of defiance.

Isiah watches, unblinking, his expression betraying no emotion. His arms folded across his broad chest, conveying a sense of power and dominance.

As you try to wriggle free from his grasp, his grip only tightens. 

"Hold her for me, Isiah. I want to make sure she obeys," Tommy orders and suddenly, you feel another pair of hands gripping your waist. Your entire body quakes with apprehension, your breath catching in your throat.

"Now, what I am going to do to you, Love, will bring me great pleasure, and you should consider it as payment for your indiscretions, eh?" Tommy then says before ordering you to drop onto your knees, but you refuse. 

"No," you whisper, your voice barely audible above the thudding of your own heart. But Tommy's smile widens, knowing he has gotten under your skin.

With a sudden, swift motion, Isiah lifts you off the ground effortlessly, placing you onto your knees.

“Do as he says!” he spits as you collapse to the floor; the cold, hard surface bites into your flesh, causing you to wince in pain. But the agony is momentary, replaced by the burning sensation of sweet humiliation.

Tears well up in your eyes, but you refuse to shed them. With your face contorted in silent fury, you look up at Tommy, meeting his eyes head-on, determined not to let him see what is consuming you from within.

"You are going to put that mouth of yours to good use now, won't you Love?" Tommy chuckles as Isiah maintains his grip on you, his presence looming large in the background.

Your gaze flickers towards him, unable to hide the mix of humiliation and defiance within it. You can tell he finds immense enjoyment in witnessing your torment, his smug grin making your skin crawl.

Despite your resistance, Tommy continues to manipulate you, expertly twisting your feelings into a knot of confusion and dread. Your heartbeat quickens, and sweat breaks out along your brow as you struggle against his unwavering control.

The taste of bile rises in your throat, threatening to consume you whole. Your muscles tense, ready for battle despite the odds stacked against you. But Tommy remains unfazed, confident in his ability to break you.

As Isiah continues to hold you in place, you can't help but notice the malicious gleam in his eyes, mirroring Tommy's. It dawns on you that they both share a common trait - a sadistic pleasure derived from inflicting pain.

Soon, Tommy unbuckles his belt and Isiah pushes down on your shoulders, holding you in place for his leader.

You feel your stomach turn, the sight of him looming so close, sending shivers down your spine.

"Remember, Love, this will hurt a lot less if you cooperate, so open up that sweet little mouth of yours," he warns, his voice low and dark.

The sound of his zipper lowering causes your heart to race faster, the dread building within you. Tears brim in your eyes, threatening to spill over as you forcefully clench your jaw.

His hand grazes your cheek tenderly, his voice taking on a softer tone. "I promise you, it will be over soon." You shake your head violently, but Isiah's grip on your shoulder tightens, his fingers digging into your skin.

Your body shudders, your nails digging into your palms as you resist him.

"Please don't, Mr Shelby," you whimper, your voice raw, and Tommy laughs mockingly, leaning in closer still.

"Why are you doing this to me?" you ask, though you know fully why he's here. His smirk deepens, a mixture of arrogance and cruelty.

"Because I want to," he answers simply, without remorse. "And because you belong to me, Love," The words sear into your soul, leaving you feeling utterly defeated.

"Now open your mouth," Tommy ordered, his voice commanding. You could almost taste the anticipation simmering beneath the surface as you slowly complied, parting your lips.

As you submit to his will, you fight back, clenching your teeth together when you have a chance.

Isiah releases his grip on your shoulder, moving behind you to stand by Tommy's side. Their combined presence sends shivers down your spine, the air thick with their perverse desire.

You look at them, emotions burning brightly in your eyes as thoughts scream out of your mind. In a world where you once had control, you now find yourself helpless amongst these men. Your heart pounds furiously in your chest, the beating echoing loudly in your ears, drowning out any lingering contradictory thoughts.

"Open wider," Tommy orders, his voice laced with authority. You follow his command, opening your mouth as wide as you can. Your lips stretch to accommodate his size and Tommy pauses, his eyes narrowing, assessing your submission. "Good girl," he whispers, his voice dripping with sinister sweetness.

He presses forward, his erection filling your mouth. Your jaw aches from the strain, but you remain stoic, unwilling to show him any sign of weakness.

Isiah watches intently, a faint smile curling his lips as he takes in the spectacle unfolding before him. He revels in your misery, drawing strength from it.

Each groan of discomfort is music to his ears, fuelling Tommy’s ego as he pushes his length into your throat. Your tears, falling freely down your cheeks, serve as a testament to his power over you. Yet, you refuse to give him the satisfaction of breaking you completely.

The weight of his erection presses down on your tongue, choking you with its size as he withdraws and then pushes in again, groaning. The room recedes into the background, leaving you isolated in a pool of darkness. You are consumed by a profound sense of anguish as the taste of his precum in your mouth mingles with the bitter tang of your own humiliation, a combination that makes you want to gag. But you resist, maintaining your composure despite the unbearable discomfort.

Your resolve was steadfast; you refused to break, even when he began to thrust inside your mouth with more force. The relentless movement sends waves of pain coursing through your skull, threatening to shatter it. Each thrust elicits a guttural growl from your throat as you fight the urge to gag. Your stomach roils, your vision blurs, and your knees buckle under the strain.

The pain you are experiencing becomes too much to bear, but your determination not to surrender fuels your tenacity. Gritting your teeth, you refuse to collapse under the pressure. The corners of your mouth turn up grimly, fighting back the tears that sting at the back of your eyes.

You feel your body tremble with the effort of staying upright, yet you refuse to crumble under the strain. Your willpower alone serves as a barrier against the onslaught of his brutality.

Your eyes eventually lock with Tommy's, seeing the twisted glint of satisfaction in his gaze. He knows he has you right where he wants you, your power drained away by his control.

His hands clasped firmly around your neck, his grasp tightening ever so slightly. You choke back a sob, struggling to breathe. You look into his eyes, trying to find any hint of mercy, but all you see is his desire to dominate you completely. His hold on you only increases, your body quivering under his touch.

Isiah watches silently, relishing in the power dynamic between you two. His eyes betray nothing but pure satisfaction, knowing that he plays a crucial role in this domination game.

"I am close, Love, and I expect you to swallow, eh?" Tommy groaned gruffly, pushing deeper into your mouth as Tommy was nearing his climax.

You clench your jaw tightly as you attempt to hold back a gag when he bottoms out in your throat again. The pressure builds, becoming nearly unbearable, and yet you refuse to give in to the impulse. Instead, you focus on the task at hand, pushing past the agony to maintain your self-control.

Isiah's eyes gleam with excitement, observing your struggles with a keen interest. He revels in the challenge, anticipating the moment when you finally succumb to the overwhelming sensation.

As your eyes widen with panic, Tommy holds his breath, savouring the taste of victory just beyond his grasp as his length begins to throb and he groans more loudly. 

"Fuck Love, that's it. Let me cum in that filthy little mouth of yours." he spat out, his voice hoarse and raw with desire. Your eyes widen as you can already feel his release drawing near. With renewed determination, you summon every ounce of strength within you, battling against the onslaught of his imminent orgasm.

Isiah watches closely, his face etched with anticipation, waiting for the final act to play out. As Tommy's breath quickens, you feel the first stirrings of his release before; finally, his cum pours into your throat,

His body shakes with the force of his orgasm, the hot liquid spurting forth, splashing against the walls of your mouth and throat. Your mouth fills with the bitterness of his semen, the tang hitting your tongue. Your lips part involuntarily, allowing some of the vile fluid to leak out onto your chin.

You can feel the warmth as it drips down your face, mixing with your tears. The taste of his semen lingers on your tongue, and Tommy steps back, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he tries to regain his composure. His eyes are dark and dangerous, his expression a mix of triumph and arousal. Isiah, having witnessed the entire exchange, watches you with a cruel smile, revelling in your humiliation.

Your heart races wildly, your body trembling with exhaustion.

Your breath comes in short, shallow gasps, and you try desperately to wipe the traces of his semen off your face. But it lingers, a reminder of the events that transpired. You are filled with shame and a potent cocktail of emotions that boil within you.

"Now get up, Love. I will have your cunt next," Tommy then orders with a grin, his words dripping with malice.

You rise slowly, your legs trembling from the aftermath of what just transpired. The lingering taste of his semen still coats your tongue, and your eyes burn with unshed tears.

Isiah watches, his gaze cold and calculating. He knows how far Tommy can push you without losing control entirely.

"No. You are done, Tommy!" you cursed, causing Tommy to become angry. 

"I am done when I say I am done. Now bend over the fucking desk," Tommy said as he held your gaze, his eyes narrowing with menace. You could feel the air in the room grow thick with tension, like the seconds before a storm breaks. Isiah stood silently behind him, his presence adding to the mounting pressure.

You hesitate, your body trembling with fear and dread. But you know that resistance would only provoke him further, so you comply, bending over the desk as instructed.

Tommy grabs a bottle of lubricant from his desk, uncapping it with a practised gesture. The smell of it fills the air, causing your stomach to churn. His eyes drift downward, taking in your vulnerability, his predatory instincts aroused.

"Do you want me to hold her down for you, Tommy?" Isiah asked with a sneer, enjoying the prospect of participating in the act.

"Yes, do that. I don’t want her to move" Tommy ordered, his eyes gleaming with anticipation.

Isiah stepped forward, his hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you closer to the edge of the desk.

Meanwhile, Tommy leans in, pressing his lips against your ear, his breath sending shivers down your spine. "Relax, Love. It will only hurt a little bit," Tommy lied, his voice cold and devoid of empathy.

Isiah's hands tightened their grip on your waist, forcing you into position. Your body feels on edge, anticipating the pain and fearing the unknown. As Tommy prepares himself, you brace yourself for the assault. 

The feeling of vulnerability intensifies as Tommy positions himself behind you and runs his fingers over your slit.

"No lube needed Love. You are wet enough," he determines as his fingers tease your entrance, igniting a wave of fire in your core.

Your breath catches in your throat, and your muscles tense in anticipation as Tommy lines himself up with your core.

With a single swift thrust, he penetrates you, filling you with a sense of helplessness and violation. The pain that ripples through your body causes you to cry out, unable to suppress the pained sobs that echo through the silent room.

Isiah leans over you, watching intently as you writhe beneath Tommy's onslaught. His eyes glow with sadistic pleasure, his face devoid of sympathy for your suffering. You feel utterly abandoned and vulnerable, caught in a web of their depravity.

Your body aches with every thrust, your mind reeling from the reality of your situation. Desperate to escape, you yearn for a chance to break free from this nightmare.

Tommy's movements grow more forceful, his hips pumping faster and harder. The feeling of being taken by him is exhilarating and terrifying, leaving you in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

As you struggle to hold back the rising tide of pleasure, Isiah watches, a sinister grin playing across his lips.

His hands clamp down on your shoulders, anchoring you to the desk, trapping you in this hellish torment. Your eyes fill with anguish, the pain of his assault overwhelming your very soul.

"You are nice and tight, aren't you?" Tommy groaned in a rough tone, pulling you closer to him. His movements became more demanding, his body shaking with the force of his passion. Your eyes sting with unshed tears, your heart racing in your chest. Isiah watched, his grin widening as he saw the growing agony on your face.

He knew exactly how to inflict pain, knowing it would be his weapon against you. You felt the searing heat of his touch, your body trembling in response.

"Now, perhaps my friend here can get to the other side of the desk and use your mouth while I fuck this tight little cunt of yours, eh?" Tommy proposed, his voice dripping with sinister intent. Isiah obliged, striding around the desk with a predatory grin, the anticipation of his turn clear in his eyes. He grasped your head firmly, using his free hand to pull your hair back, exposing your neck.

Your heart raced as you struggled to remain composed under the weight of their depraved plans as Isiah unclasped his belt.

The sound of metal clinking against metal sent shivers down your spine, a mixture of fear and anticipation coursing through your veins. Isiah's hand slid along your cheek, his touch both soft and cruel, mirroring the duality of his nature.

"So tell me, Love," Isiah purred, his voice low and seductive. "What do you think about being used by two men at once?" Isiah asked as he finally pushed down his pants, revealing his reaction.

“Are you excited or scared?" Isiah continued, his voice full of anticipation. His grip on your neck tightened slightly, causing you to shiver involuntarily. You forced yourself to appear composed, trying to mask your true feelings from these monsters.

"There is nothing to be afraid of, Love," Tommy interjected, his tone cold and mocking before telling Isiah to get into your mouth.

Isiah moved closer, his gaze holding yours captive as he positioned himself over your face. His proximity made you feel even more vulnerable, your breath coming in rapid gasps. Your heart raced as you awaited his next move, the anticipation of his touch heightening your anxiety.

As Isiah pressed his hardened member against your lips, your mouth opened reflexively, instinctively seeking to accommodate his size. The sensation of his rigid flesh pushing against your lips evoked a mixture of repulsion and fascination.

Your face flushed with embarrassment, struggling to maintain eye contact with Isiah. The tension in the room grew thicker, and the atmosphere charged with sexual anticipation.

Tommy, meanwhile, continued his assault upon your body, his rhythm becoming more forceful as he relished the power he held over you. His eyes were dark and intense, burning with raw desire. He took pleasure in your suffering, relishing the fact that you were powerless to resist his advances.

Isiah's hands grasped your head firmly, his grip imposing and unforgiving. Your neck bore the brunt of his grip, straining against the pressure as he guided your head towards his engorged member.

You took him into your mouth, keeping it open so that he could use you and, eventually, the room fell quiet as the tension reached its peak, their eyes locked in a battle of wills.

Neither Tommy nor Isiah would relent, their malicious intentions clear in their determined expressions. As they both held you captive, bound by their twisted desires, your thoughts raced wildly.

Eventually, after about 15 minutes of torment, Tommy pulled out of you and ordered Isiah to do the same.

"I still have her ass to fuck, and time is running out," Tommy determined.

"We better hurry up then, Tommy," Isiah agreed.

"I need you to hold her down for that. She won't like it when I shove my cock into her ass," Tommy said, and as you processed what had just happened, they began preparing you for their next act. Isiah moved around the desk, positioning himself behind you again. Tommy held a small vial containing a strange liquid substance, which he applied liberally onto his erect member.

Without warning, Isiah grabbed your hips, pulling you up and back onto the desk. His eyes burned with hunger, his lips curling into a snarl.

"I want you to know what it feels like to be owned," Tommy whispered, his words carrying a dark undertone. Your heart pounded against your ribcage, fear and anticipation melding together in a cocktail of emotions. Your skin prickled with goosebumps, your body betraying your terror as you tried to compose yourself.

"And what better way would there be to show you than to fill your stomach with my seed, eh?" Tommy groaned before instructing Isiah to hold you down while Tommy penetrated your anal cavity with his finger. 

Isiah obeyed without hesitation, his strong arms clenching your hips and pinning you down. Your entire body shook with dread, fearing the agonizing pain you knew was imminent. As Tommy's fingers probed your tight, virgin passage, you writhed in desperation, attempting to break free from the confines of Isiah's iron grip.

Tommy laughed cruelly, taking delight in your misery. "Just relax, love. It will only hurt for a little while," He assured you, his eyes glinting with malice as he pulled away his finger and replaced it with his cock.

The thought of him entering your most private place was repulsive, your body tensing in anticipation of the inevitable pain. You could feel the pressure building, the muscles in your abdomen clenching as you tried to brace yourself for the impending invasion.

As he prepared to push forward, you braced yourself, mentally preparing for the agony that would follow. Isiah tightened his grip on your hips, his strength making escape impossible.

You tried to scream, but his large hand covered your mouth, silencing your pleas. Fear consumed you as you felt the cold tip of Tommy's member pressing against your opening. Despite your struggle, you could not stop him from forcing his way into your most intimate space.

As he entered you, your body arched in protest, your muscles tensing to resist the intrusion. But the pain only intensified, burning deep within your core. Tears streamed down your cheeks, blurring your vision as you fought to maintain consciousness.

"Fuck you are tight. You don't want this, do you?" Tommy groaned, pushing deeper into your now quivering body. "Doesn't matter, you're going to take it." His voice held a mix of malice and triumph as if he derived satisfaction from his actions. His movements grew savage, each thrust causing fresh waves of pain to shoot through your system.

Despite your efforts to hold back the sobs, they escaped anyway, causing your body to tremble. Isiah, witnessing your distress, chuckled darkly, finding amusement in your pain.

"She really doesn't like this, does she?" He commented to Tommy, who replied with a smirk. "Oh, but she will once we've had our way with her. Just relax, Love. It will all be over soon." His words did little to reassure you, as the pain only intensified with each passing moment.

Throughout this ordeal, your thoughts were consumed by a mixture of anxiety and desperation. Your body ached, your heart pounding frantically in your chest.

Tears streamed down your cheeks, leaving trails of salty residue on your skin. Every part of you screamed for release, but there seemed to be no end in sight. Isiah's presence loomed over you, casting a shadow of menace across the room.

Their brutish laughter echoed through the chamber, filling you with a renewed sense of terror. Your limbs trembled with exhaustion, and what Tommy proposed next sends shockwaves through your core.

"Lay her down on the floor, Isiah. You can fuck her cunt while I have her ass, eh?" Tommy then suggested, a wicked grin etched on his face.

"Sounds good, Tommy." Isiah nodded, his excitement evident in his voice.

Without further ado, they separated, and Isiah laid down, pulling you atop of him while Tommy approached you from behind, grasping your waist firmly and pushing his length through your tight rim again before Isiah could even penetrate your pussy.

As the unbearable pain shot through your body, your stomach churned violently. This was beyond anything you ever imagined possible, beyond any dream you could have conjured.

"Let's fill her up, shall we?" Tommy then suggested, his voice dripping with malevolence before, suddenly, you felt Isiah entering you as well, causing you to scream and try to get away.

"Come on, Love, hold still and let us both enjoy these tight holes of yours," Tommy growled as his hand clamped down firmly on your shoulder, holding you steady as he thrust into you again. The sensation of being filled again was almost too much to bear, your mind reeling with despair and a hint of pleasure.

Your heart raced, your breath coming in short, shallow gasps. You steeled yourself, trying to ignore the throbbing pain as Tommy's member stretched your tight ring of muscle and Isiah thrust in and out of your pussy. Each thrust sent shockwaves of pain and pleasure coursing through your body, threatening to overwhelm you completely.

As the brutal act continued, your body ached, every muscle in your lower half screaming in protest while also wanting more as you had two men inside of you, filling you to the brim.

Their forceful movements threatened to split you apart, your muscles quivering under the strain.

Cries of both, pleasure and humiliation eventually erupted from your lips, unleashing your pent-up emotions.

"She is nice and full now, eh?" Tommy groaned, and Isiah chimed in, his voice heavy with sadistic pleasure. "Yes, she certainly makes a lovely pair for us."

Their voices echoed around the room, taunting you with each word. The air thickened with sexual tension, their raw power and dominance suffocating you.

"Let's fill her up with cum, make her remember this." Tommy then orders, thrusting harder into your rear passage.

"That sounds right, Tommy. Let's fuck her till she can't walk. Tell me when you are ready to cum inside her, and I will pull out and shoot my load in her mouth," Isiah agreed, slamming into your pussy with renewed vigour, finally sending you over the edge.

“Fuck”, you cursed, trying to hold back your release, but the climax was not something you could stop in it’s tracks. It hit you like a freight train, and with each violent thrust, their cocks twisted inside you, sending shockwaves of ecstasy throughout your body.

"I am ready now. I am ready to fill her ass with cum," Tommy groaned, his words filled with dark passion, spurred on by the evidence of your orgasm.

"Go ahead, Tommy. Shoot your load in her." Isiah encouraged while pulling out of you, his voice heavy with lust as he took his position in front of your mouth.

Then, Tommy's body tensed, the grip of his hands turning vice-like as he reached his climax. 

“There you go, Love. Take my cum" he released his seed into your body, a wave of searing heat coursed through you, engulfing you in its intensity and him spilling himself inside of you felt like gasoline pouring into your body until, eventually, he pulled out.

Isiah followed suit, his powerful muscles flexing as he unloaded his own seed into your mouth. As he released his semen, it cascaded down your throat, filling your mouth with the taste of his power and domination. You gagged, struggling to swallow it all and, just as you did, your sense of self-control broke, and you grinned.

"Not bad Isiah” you joked, while licking the remnants of his cum from your lips.

"Thank your Mrs Shelby," Isiah said, blushing. "I hope we weren't too rough with you," he then acknowledged, causing Tommy to laugh.

"Rough? I doubt that. She usually likes it even rougher than this, with fucking restraints and all" Tommy explained and you nodded, telling Isiah that, next time, you will want him to assert even more control than he did tonight.

Both of them smiled, pleased by your reaction. "Well, we'll see about that," Isiah responded. "Next time Love, we will have you tied up and I get half of my men to take turns" Tommy added.  And you couldn't help but feel a thrill running through you at the prospect of submitting even more to their will.

[trentsgirl]

— 🤍 ⋆⭒˚｡⋆ (1.5K)

⟡ summary: trent has been your best friend since childhood, always doing everything together. however, he secretly fell for you, and you did as well. when trent finally mustered the courage to confess his feelings, it wasn’t the outcome he’d expected.

⟡ content: angst, fluff, tiny mention of domestic violence, insecurities, reader is insecure and self sabotages, first half is pure angst, he fell first and harder, confessions, kissing, reader rejects trent.

⟡ notes: thank you so much for the request. and part two would be released in a bit, couldn’t leave y’all hanging like my last fanfic. 😭

⟡ streaming: fallingforyou by the 1975.

⟡ masterlist, request, request.

“he’s done it again, hasn’t he?” trent inquired when he discovered you in his doorstep, bawling your eyes out.

throughout the years, he had witnessed countless partners enter and exit your life, inflicting both physical and emotional pain. as your best friend, trent had been there by your side through it all.

he observed you waste your life, pursuing men who didn’t have an once of regard for you.

he loathed it.

he couldn’t comprehend why you never seemed to notice him. he had always been there for you, ready to lend a listening ear and provide support. unlike those men you encountered on random dating apps, he never let you down.

if only you had looked his way, it would have been a straightforward case of unrequited love.

“let it out, sweetheart. cry all want,” trent whispered, his voice barely audible, as the two of you sat on his couch.

you held him so tightly that it became difficult for him to breathe.

nevertheless, he didn’t mind. he cherished the fact that despite the countless men who had caused you harm, you still sought solace in him and placed immense trust in him.

you sobbed, your face buried in trent’s chest. he continued to plant gentle kisses on your hair, providing solace despite the discomfort of remaining in the same position.

after what felt like hours, the tears finally stopped as you couldn’t get anymore out.

trent’s fingers stroked your hair as you calmed down and pulled away from his chest, your eyes red and swollen.

“i’ve ruined your shirt,” you sniffled, glancing at the tear stains on his clothing.

trent shook his head, looking at you affectionately, his shirt being the last thing on his mind. his sole focus was on your well-being.

“don’t worry about it,” he reassured, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear, a gesture that felt intimate more than it should be. “feeling better now? would you like me to make you some tea?”

trent’s voice resonated with a tender and charming tone that never failed to make you feel like the only woman he’s ever had eyes for, even though you doubted it was truly the case.

despite your love for him, you were well aware that he would never reciprocate those feelings as he simply deserved someone better, as you claimed.

“yes, please,” you nodded with a subtle smile, sniffling.

“you still got the cinnamon flavor one?” you asked with a sweet tone, causing trent’s heart to melt at the sound of your voice. and not to mention the look in your eyes, filled with both a plea and a dazzling allure.

trent always made sure to have a variety of tea flavors in his kitchen cabinet because he knew how much you loved tea. whenever you introduced him to a new favorite flavor, he would add it to his collection.

after giving you another kiss on the forehead, trent released his hold on you and got up from the couch. “of course. i’ll be right back,” he said and disappeared into the kitchen.

as trent brewed your tea, he contemplated whether this moment was opportune to finally confess his feelings that he had harbored for you all these years.

however, upon further reflection, he acknowledged that the outcome may not align with his desires. he was aware that you had recently ended a relationship and were in a vulnerable state, making it unfair to burden you with his feelings at this time.

a few minutes later, trent returned and placed a cup of tea on the table in front of you.

“it’s still hot, so give it a few minutes,” he informed, taking you into his arms once again and wrapping one arm around your shoulder. he sought your touch as much as you did his.

“thank you,” you whispered quietly, trying to hold back a sob, but it managed to escape. trent’s caring actions alone brought out all your emotions again.

trent gently stroked your hair, trying to comfort you. “hey, it’s okay. no need to cry anymore. he won’t hurt you again.”

you gently shook your head, your voice trembling as you spoke, “no, it’s not about him.” you were well aware that your ex could no longer inflict any harm upon you, not with trent right by your side.

“i’m just grateful to have you in my life and i don’t think i’ll ever come across someone like you, who truly sees me for who i am.”

trent was deeply moved by your words, to say the least. before he could respond, you continued expressing your thoughts.

“i mean... all guys ever seem to want is sex, and it’s exhausting,” you vented with a hint of frustration in your voice. “it’s just so scary that there’s no guarantee i’ll ever be loved.”

trent, who has loved you since childhood, leaned in closer, his comforting brown eyes meeting yours. “but you are loved,” he reassured, his voice a soothing balm to your fears. “you have your family, your friends...”

although his voice remained calm and soothing, a fire ignited within him for all the men who had caused you pain, who had made you believe that you were not enough.

“but not by the person i want,” your voice cracked, "in the way i want to be loved. fiercely. passionately. a love that makes me feel like the only woman in his universe.”

trent’s hand delicately brushed against yours, a silent gesture that sent a thrill through your body. his usually serene eyes flickered with an indiscernible emotion.

starting to speak, only to hesitate and close his mouth, as if carefully weighing his words to preserve the bond of your friendship.

he understood that confessing his feelings now would be a mistake, jeopardizing the relationship you had.

however, he couldn’t suppress his desire, his need for you to comprehend that there was someone in this world who loved and truly saw you for who you are.

“i…” trent started, his voice trailing off as he glanced down at your intertwined hands.

a weighty silence enveloped the air, pregnant with unexpressed emotions.

finally, he lifted his gaze, his eyes bearing a raw expression. “i love you, y/n.” he confessed.

your breath caught in your throat. the world suddenly felt askew, your heart fluttering like a trapped hummingbird within the confines of your ribcage.

had you heard him correctly? could this just be a cruel trick?

trent’s voice quivered with emotion as he confirmed, “i’ve always loved you,” his words faltered, “with every sunrise, every shared joke, every tear you shed, my love for you grew, silently and steadily. you are the only woman in my entire universe, y/n.”

tears welled up in your eyes. the ache in your chest transformed into a blossoming warmth.

you hadn’t been that oblivious… right?

the signs had been there, woven into the tapestry of your years together - the lingering touches, the inside jokes, the way your laughter harmonized.

however, instead of embracing his love and listening to your head as you should have done, you hesitated and withdrew, a tempest of doubts swirling within you.

no matter how much you loved and desired trent, your insecurities seemed to overpower your emotions. comparing yourself to the beautiful girls that always surrounded him and sought his attention, you never considered yourself one of them.

in your mind, he deserved someone like those models, someone who could effortlessly complement him.

not you, the girl who was always overshadowed whenever a group of guys flirted with your friends.

not you, the girl who constantly looked for validation from other men, only to be met with disrespect.

not you, the girl who remained in abusive relationships because all you wanted was to be loved, even if it meant enduring pain in the process.

“trent,” you whispered, your voice choked, “i’m so sorry, but it’s not a good idea for us to be in a relationship.”

his world splintered, the once-familiar sofa beneath him feeling treacherous. “not a good idea?” he managed to choke out, disbelief etching lines on his forehead.

“we’ve known each other our entire lives. we’ve shared everything, supported one another, and been there through thick and thin. you can’t say you haven’t something for me. you just can't.”

trent struggled to contain his frustration. he longed to yell, to shake some sense into you, and make you realize that he was the perfect man for you.

however, your own insecurities were overshadowing everything else.

you shut your eyes, hot tears streaming down your cheeks like glistening trails. “it’s not that simple, trent,” you murmured, your voice barely audible.

a deep divide formed between the two of you, the weight of his shattered hopes lingering in the air. the silence stretched, disrupted only by the rustle of wind coming from outside and the frantic pounding of his heart.

finally, trent, his voice strained with anguish, nodded. “alright, i understand.”

rather than a genuine understanding, it was an acceptance tinged with resignation.

he comprehended your rejection and your need for an invisible boundary between your friendship and the confession he had just made. he understood that pushing further would not dismantle the wall, but rather deepen the divide between you.

you tentatively reached out, your touch questioning and uncertain, seeking connection. however, he couldn’t bring himself to meet your gaze, fearing the reflection of his shattered hopes in your eyes.

trent withdrew his hand cautiously.

despite your intense longing to stay and pour out all the love you have harbored for trent over the years, the words remained trapped within you, unable to escape.

it felt as though a heavy ball had lodged itself in your throat, rendering you unable to speak the truth.

“i’m truly sorry, trent.” you whispered, rising from the couch and leaving his home.

trent patiently waited until he heard the front door open and close before allowing his tears to flow. he couldn’t believe it had come to this.

he had officially lost you.