#this cat can fit so much Trauma inside it

[aeoncss]

…some of my personal movie!mike schmidt hcs <3

disclaimer: you dont have to agree, just don’t be an ass. thanks!

tw: parent/sibling death, mentions of insecurity, nightmares, trauma flashbacks, some nsfw (18+!), could be ooc?? idk?? don’t quote me on it

he’s a soft snorer. like the faintest sound comes through at night, and it’s usually when he’s laying on his back. when he’s sick, however, he snores so loud that abby has definitely thrown something at him to be quiet.

used to smoke cigarettes quite heavily. started in high school, then it turned into muscle memory that escalated into a harsh nicotine addiction. the second abby complained about the smell, mike stopped cold turkey, and hasn’t picked up a pack since.

does, occasionally, smoke weed though. usually in his car or in his garage late at night. spends extra time cleaning around and getting the smell out, including doing an extra load of laundry so his clothes don’t reek. it helps him sleep, although doesn’t do much for the nightmares.

mike has one of those huge CD books shoved underneath his passenger seat (it won’t fit in the glove box). it’s filled with many broken disks that are heavily scratched from use, and a lot of them belonged to his father.

he’s so bad at folding. so bad. he either hangs it up super sloppily or straight up just throws his clothes into his closet.

he prefers dogs over cats — although he takes the time to feed one of the neighborhood stray cats that abby has named ‘mr. whiskers’ because that’s gonna become his pet goddamn it

listens to a lot of korn, foo fighters, deftones, and the offspring. mike kinda refuses to play that kind of music in the car with abby around, so he might have grown to subconsciously love spice girls and a*teens as well…

grows insecure when he finds himself in a relationship, feeling like he equally can’t be enough or that he’s doing too much. mike has such a fear of pushing away good things from him, so it takes a lot of reassurance for him to finally understand that he isn’t doing anything wrong.

falls asleep during horror and romance movies. physically just can’t do it.

he can’t ever listen to the romantics ever again. if he hears even a snippet of ‘talking in your sleep’, his body straight up shuts down and mike goes into automatic panic mode.

service switch — really, he just wants to please his partner in any way. he doesn’t have a preference for anything sexually related, but he definitely gets a kick out of how good he can make his lover feel. he might have studied one too many playboys.

he doesn’t really realize how much he craves affection until after he gets into a relationship. whenever his partner leaves for the night, he feels like a piece of him is somehow lost, and he nonstop thinks about how nice it was to just be in their arms — even if it was just for a short moment.

besides the reoccurring nightmare of garrett, mike developed a new one after the events at the pizzeria. he can’t save abby in time, the sound of spring locks echoing deep inside his brain that he wakes up so physically ill. he has to go check in on her to get himself to calm down.

has a few really shitty stick n’ poke tattoos that one of his old high school buddies did while drunk together. he has a little stick figure on the inside of his left wrist, and a horribly disproportionate star on his right.

he’s a moaner. not a loud one, but there has been times where he’s either had to cover up his mouth by a pillow or even by his partners hand. it’s not overtly obnoxious or dramatic, more hushed pants and quick whimpers that escape deep from his throat. when he’s close, that’s when he gets a bit louder, the sound almost guttural.

he really gets a kick out of seeing his partner in his clothes or just doing something in his house. sitting on the couch just TV surfing? he’s hiding behind the doorway to the kitchen just so he can try and get his hard-on to go away.

mike was the type of kid in high school that genuinely did try to pass with good grades, but he just barely managed to scrape by without getting held back from graduation. it’s a regret of his, but understands what was going on during that time.

nicknamed his honda accord ‘marvin’.

really into making out, sometimes preferring it over sex. he likes the closeness and just enjoys the action of kissing — plus, it’s really nice foreplay.

[skyeslittlecorner]

Tails for all! - Kings edition

Other parts: Gehenna | Tartaros | Hades | Avisos | Nilfheim | Abaddon | Paradise Lost

Satan

The most classic tail, simple elegance. Ankle-length, black, with a red arrow at the end, just like his horns.

At the base, it is as thick as the wrist and tapers towards the end.

Identical to the horns to the touch, set won in the lottery.

You'll recognize his emotions more easily by his tail than by his face, he wags it like a cat when he wants to make some noise and lifts it at the base when he's happy.

The end has rounded corners, making it resemble an elongated heart instead of an arrow.

Sensitiveness 8/10. Doesn't like it when someone touches him by surprise.

When he's in a good mood, he gives tail slaps instead of kicks. The nobles are delighted.

It's not sharp at the end, so he'll try to stick it inside you. It's smooth and slippery, an arrow produces milk just like horns, and it fits so good.

Mammon

Big tail for a big man. Long, winding along the ground, golden and scaled. Standard tip without decorations, at least as thick as Mammon's thigh at the base.

His tail and greed gave rise to the legend that dragons collect treasures.

The upper scales look like pure gold, the lower scales are black and resemble obsidian. The entire tail resembles flakes of stones and precious metals.

The scales are bumpy like his horns, but it has no spines or blades.

Surprisingly warm. The scales at the base are very large.

Sensitiveness 5/10. He really enjoys being scratched hard as you leave lighter marks on his scales from the pleasure.

He likes to put his tail in his lap and you on top of him and watch you grind against him while he plays with your ass.

Leviathan

Not much longer than Satan, but covered with scales. They are soft compared to Mammon and shimmer like smoky mirrors. At the base, it is as thick as two cupped hands, shimmering purple and black.

Its ending is unique. On land it has a long, soft fur, but when he approaches water he can wrap a thin layer of skin around it, making it membraneous and resembling and looking like a fin.

Similarly, it has tiny long fins on its sides. They are a bit sharp, so sometimes he hurts himself with them. (Kiss these wounds, he will criticize you but he will love it anyway.)

Due to childhood trauma, he learned to hide his tail, wrapping it under his clothes and only showing the tip. That's why many demons think his tail resembles that of a deer.

Very, very sensitive. 12/10. Proceed with care.

He loves playing with his fins, but of course he won't tell you that.

Just seeing his tail in all its glory is incredibly rare, and being choked with it is the greatest honor. Not even Solomon experienced it.

Beelzebub

rainbow unicorn tail narwhal tail insect abdomen A long tail, similar in thickness to Leviathan's, but does not taper towards the end. Black, with dark green lines on the sides and back.

As befits the Lord of the Flies, his tail resembles a pelecinus polyturator. Composed of segments like a scorpion. Shiny, slippery and very hard. Chitin.

Green stripes are not just decoration. He can pull out the blades from them, and whipping will easily cut off your limb. He can pull out a sting at the tip, each blade producing a paralyzing venom.

His whip is almost a mirror image of his tail, but with golden blades instead of green.

While the rest prefer to wrap their tails around their legs, its natural position is twisted upwards, also like a scorpion. When he feels uncomfortable, he can "blow out" his tail into a swarm of flies that follow him. After all, it is a deadly weapon.

Sensitiveness 2/10. He likes it because it gives him an advantage over you. Until you start scratching his skin at the base. He's all yours on his knees.

If he doesn't pull the stinger out, the tip is rounded and a little bulbous, but you won't notice until he's deep inside you.

Lucifer

Long and thick, almost like a Mammon, phenomenally beautiful, angelic white with golden reflections. Resembles a snake. It splits in 1/3 and has two ends.

If you get close enough to it, you'll see that the base is as red as its horn.

You'd expect it to feel like reptile scales, but it's more like smooth feathers. Soft, but only the top layer. When you press it, you feel that the core is iron-hard.

He has the same scar as on his chest above his tail, only smaller.

Sensitivness 6/10. Unlike others, instead of pleasure, he may suddenly be struck by pain. Take care of him.

That doesn't mean he won't use his tail against you.

He wants to see your tears when you have his penis in your mouth and the tips of his tail in both holes.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Your sick little head, so brain damaged and lying in that hospital bed.

This art means a lot to me. It isn’t as rendered or polished as my other work, but I want it to look scrappy, messy, and still pretty. If you’d like to just read about the style and story of the art unrelated to myself, feel free to skip this section.

Last week I mentioned being in the hospital and the psych ward, and while I wont give extreme details, it was for an overdose. Recently after getting out I’ve been trying to act like nothing happened and it’s all going to go back to normal, but this is the 3rd time I’ve done it or been on the edge of it. Just last week I had to get rid of two of my cats just after I’d been discharged and that on top of the trauma of the whole situation I’ve just felt strangely empty. Overdoses don’t just come and go like that. The mental effects aside from whatever you took linger and hurt more than anything. “I’m doing better” really just means I’m not about to do it again, but those feelings are still stored somewhere deep inside me. For this specific piece I wanted to describe that feeling and wonder of “How would anyone feel if they found me? What will they do after?”

People don’t talk about Molly nearly as much as I think they should, but it’s understandable given that she has no set substance yet. For that reason I have made my own. The biggest thing I’ve mentioned before—in my Angel Dust headcanon post—is that I believe Molly is the one that found Anthony after he overdosed and called 911. The rest of his family was likely a bit worried, but I don’t think any of them cared as much as she did. Another headcanon of mine is that Anthony and Molly had matching rings with “AN” & “MO” engraved onto them. Molly sold her ring to pay for Anthonys funeral after his passing in the hospital and now wears Anthonys as replacement on her index finger which she eventually takes to heaven with her.

I don’t imagine she was able to visit him very often while he was in a coma but she still did when she could and would talk to him in hopes he could hear her a little bit before he left. It’d take a bit of a tangent but when sinners enter hell, in my mind entering hell takes as long as it did to die. So for Anthony it likely took him a week to a month to die during his coma from complications, and in turn, it took that same amount of time for him to full wake up in hell. Sinners to me are made and formed out of the ground in hell and wake up in a similar location to where they died. Angel Dust would’ve woken up alone in a hospital while his sister was now left alone and Anthony’s body likely already buried by then.

These are reasons why I included forget-me-nots and sweet peas as taped on decals. Their meanings being “Please don’t forget me” and “Goodbye, thank you for a wonderful time.” respectively. I also added the “M” wax seal over one of the sweet peas because I feel that it’s a sentiment that Molly held close to her heart and still does.

Molly’s body is torn from pink paper while Angel’s is blue paper. I intended for these to somewhat be seen as hands, like how the pink paper wraps over the forget-me-not when the blue paper lays beneath it to show Molly’s attempt to hold onto the memory of her brother while Angel is trying to remember his own life yet is unaware of what is happening to his sister now; unaware if she’s alive or not due to his poor keeping of time. Angel is also a scrap of paper glued above Molly’s hands to pretty genuinely symbolise they’re both in different dimensions now and can’t fully be apart of the same without the help of an external force. I also wanted to include more jumping spider elements so I’d like to think the string holding the tears is silk. Jumping spiders leave silk behind incase they fall so they can climb back up and when you put that in the form of a mentality I think Molly would fit into that very well.

I really hope we see more of Molly and I hope she had a good life and can see her brother again. Of course, she is a fictional character, but I can’t imagine the trauma she’s experienced in her life even without my personal headcanons. I love Molly a lot and just from how I personally interpret her she reminds me a lot of my mother.

Hopefully you can enjoy my ramblings and craze about these funny little spiders. 🩷

[autisticempathydaemon]

hi, i was hoping to do one of the redacted matchup thingies, they’re so fun :) I’M SO SORRY THIS IS A PAGE LONG AAAAGH

i’m just gonna lead with the miscellaneous stuff (WOW i spelled that without spell check. didn’t know i could do that.) i’m a young adult bi dude. apparently i’m quiet but snarky and people say my humor is very dry (i have a monotone voice and am Very Committed To The Bit.). i used to have really bad anger issues to the point that davey pre-character arc is more relatable than he should be (even though my parents are alive. they’re just shit). i try to dress kinda grungy? but also whatever’s cozy/comfortable and in neutral/dark colors (except red! i like red, my hair is dyed neon red) i used to have cptsd so bad i basically didn’t leave the house for two years. i think it was like agoraphobia or something? there were delusions in there too. i’m much better now though.

usually the kind of stuff i listen to is loud angry rock music (fave song is hysteria by muse) or slightly older pop music (florence and the machine, MARINA) but the last few days i’ve been on a newer pop kick and i’ve been playing “Good Luck, Babe!” by chappell roan on repeat and it makes me want to scream on a windswept seaside cliff during a storm. specifically the bit from 2:15 to ~3:10 in the song. i know it’s a banger when it makes me want to scream on a cliff or punch something.

INTP? is that an enneagram? (“you’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice?”-sounding sentence, sorry)

not really video essays but i love listening to someone summarize books i never plan to read (i like the ones by cari can read or lexi aka newlynova.)

i didn’t have an imaginary friend? i’m incredibly autistic + adhd so i was daydreaming constantly to a near maladaptive extent but i never had One Consistent Thing that i thought was real.

i have to mash my face into the pillow for a bit to decompress and then i can sleep how i normally do, sleeping on my side in a way that’s probably very bad for my shoulders. (i am an adult dude and i hold a stuffed bunny who i haven’t given a name every night to go to sleep. maybe ill name the bunny after whatever character you give me)

my name is stolen from the love interest of a YA steampunk novel (a young victorian gentleman who wears eyeliner), because his character description just fits me so well, as well as the name itself just looking cool written down

my fave audio is probably the smash bros tournament :D. it literally convinced me to buy the game lol

it’s a good thing i’m anonymous cause i just do not get the gavin or caelum hype. i’m too possessive to date an incubus/ someone who will fuck other people. and i hate children so caelum is just past my threshold for kid-esque behavior that i’m willing to deal with. i’m also really not a fan of the yanderes/evil ones. other people can go ahead and like them, they just stress me out more which is the opposite of what i want.

knives out :D. the detective movie

i would friend the HELL out of asher. i just wanna play games with the man that’s all i ask

i don’t really get food at gas stations but whenever i go to a cafe i am probably getting something strawberry related (lemonade, a smoothie, etc) and a breakfast sandwich

the playlist “songs to get obliterated by a black hole to” is my pride and joy. i fucking love space and sci fi (that’s the thing i’d ramble about too)

my guilty pleasure media is the official gender-swapped twilight (puts my head in my hands) I KNOW.

I sent an anon for matchup earlier (I mentioned a stuffed bunny) and said I didn’t know what an enneagram was and I just looked it up and did a quiz and apparently I’m type 6? Idk how accurate that is but there you go (also I’m sorry if I was trauma dumping/oversharing I was restless from being inside all day whoopsie)

I’m a sucker for a good black cat/golden retriever sort of pairing, you know? Tack that onto you being a Type Six, and I’ve just got to pair you with Huxley!

Type Sixes are characterized by a desire for stability and security, for dependability, and who’s more reliable than Huxley? This also works with your self-described possessive nature in that Huxley would be the best partner to never trigger that nature, to never make you doubt or toe your boundaries. I also love him for you because we know Huxley canonically is a calming, relieving presence in the face of anger and conflict, which makes him even more perfect for you! (Also I think your grunge fashion sense would contrast so cutely with his casual, gym-bro style.)

Huxley would be so fun to be with! He’s no Asher, but he’d be a great gaming buddy, happy to show you all the Smash tips and tricks for when he introduces you to his family. Speaking of family, Huxley’s moms would just adore you for making their son happy. I can see him taking you to the east coast to meet them and taking you on the hiking and camping trails of his youth. It’d be a lovely time of you showing him the stars and constellations at night and maybe even him finding a cliff for you to sing Chappell Roan off of.

Song:

And I hold you every night/ And that's a feeling I wanna get used to/ But there's no man as terrified/ As the man who stands to lose you/ Oh, I hope I don't lose you

It was so fun to look for a pop-rock song that would make you want to scream or punch something, and I hope this fits the bill. The first chorus extremely hits on top of being a beautiful love song, and I think it wouldn’t be out of place on a road trip with Huxley in the driver’s seat or by a gorgeous cliffside.

Runner-ups:

Aaron and Sam are your runner-ups for a lot of similar reasons. They both also have drier senses of humor, so I think you could vibe and hold to a bit with either of them. I headcanon both of them wearing red often (Sam, a red-checked flannel and Aaron, a red polo a la his thumbnails), so you could match. I also headcanon both of them actively wanting to be child-free, so you’d be compatible in that aspect. Aaron outranks Sam just slightly because I think he’d offer more stability and security given his occupation and Unempowered status.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[cookiesupplier]

Catch You When You Fall - Part Four

pairing: Nicholas Ruffilo & ofc (Catherine)

warnings/tropes: slow burn, angst, murder, mystery, smut, mentions of speciesism, mentions of violence, trauma... (to be added.)

summary: A new soul has arrived in the Afterlife. While she appears to adjust just like anyone else might in the new environment of the world of life after death, despite the ordeal she experienced with her death. The question is has she really, and can Nicholas help her without crossing lines that he knows he shouldn't?

Authors Note: Unbeta'd as usual! No Nicholas, but you got A Nick... getting closer!

To find the others in the Hell AU Universe: Combined Hell-Verse Masterlist

If you would like to be added to this tag list please see THIS FORM

tags: @missduffsblog @tearfallpixie @spicywhenspeaking @sorrowsofsilence @wild-child-7747

@lacktoesandtoddlerants @blackveilomens @valiantroeagleangel @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses

@embracethereaper42 @emmmm127 @sunsshinesunny @dominuslunae @xxkittenkissesxx

@philomenie @dontdiganothergravetoday

The café technically didn’t close until just after lunchtime, early afternoon, as it were. Not that many of those that worked there got much of a chance to stop and eat anything more than a snack during their time working, and that was if they were lucky. Cat had noticed that Ishtar tried to make sure everyone at least got a short break to have a moment to eat and drink at least something. Right before the lunch rush it seemed was the go, as it were, she’d told her to take a moment to breath and have a tiny bite, it would get crazy again soon.

Again?

Had it not been crazy all morning? Was there a point, at any time today, that it had not felt like it was all a rush to do orders? Right, first thing in the morning when it was so early that no one seemed to want to come in because everyone was half asleep, that had felt like it wasn’t a rush. After that, it had felt like a free for all. Maybe it was just Cat, maybe it was because she wasn’t used to it. The thought there would come a day this would be normal, and she’d know the difference between the breakfast and morning rush and the lull in between, when today, it all felt the same.

That thought, right there, was both daunting, and, absolutely, enticing.

It was like the feeling of new book day at the library, where she got the joy of getting to catalogue all the new titles that had been delivered or donated to the library. There was the process was determining whether the books were suitable for the library, their condition and so forth, especially for the ones that had been donated. Also, it had been up to her and the others that worked in the library, to gauge where they should be shelved, the section that they belonged in the library itself. You didn’t want a book that was a fictional representation of ghosts to be among the non-fiction shelves where scientists actually studied paranormal occurrences!

The idea that she would actually get used to the feeling of the chaos of the café today was mind-boggling to her, she didn’t know how it could possibly happen, and yet, excited for it to be. When she fit in, it would be better. Just like Bryce had told her when he showed her around, giving her a tour through the Afterlife, once she had settled in, it would be like finding a new home. Of course, at that point, he would just barrel on about reincarnation and how wonderful that was, how it was the ultimate goal, that there was nothing better in the world. Her, every time he brought up reincarnation, she wouldn’t to be able to breath, it felt like someone had reached inside of her chest, wrapped their fingers around her heart, and squeezed. Swallowing, at least she didn’t have to worry about that yet, right, all she had to worry about was here. Just settling in, work, calm, making this her new home, as Bryce said. 

She chose to refuse to think about anything that he’d already had to say when it had come to the people in the other office. The people she didn’t want to know. He’d always been careful not to say anything in explicit terms, but his tone of voice however said everything that he didn’t want to put into words. Bryce was obviously a man that knew how to say things without actually saying them, which, if she was going to be honest, was never something that made her comfortable. Cat would always rather someone be honest with her, at least she’d know where she stood with them. Folio, he seemed honest, honestly, open, and so bright and welcoming this morning. How could she, and while Bryce’s words seemed sly in trying to imply she shouldn’t want to know someone why the other man, even if he had been the first friendly face she’d met in hell. Why would she choose to trust nothing but Bryce’s word when Folio had proven to be nothing but nice to her since she’d met him, even sort to help her when he had nothing to gain from it. Well, she supposed he might have had something to gain, it had been his girlfriend’s café, and he hadn’t wanted everything to go badly. However, trying to convince her to continue working there when he could have just told Ishtar that her working there might not have been the best idea? That he didn’t have to do for her. 

So when the end of her shift came, and just as Folio had said, and the money draw had been perfectly in balance, she agreed with herself that Folio had been right, she’d come back tomorrow and keep going. Today, today, she thought she might actually go and shop around for supplies for that small garden. At least, look around for what she might need and where she could find it, she was all kinds of excited about it.

“Hey Cat, a friend of mine and I were going to head out for a bit of a late lunch, would you care to join us?”

Glancing over at Ishtar as she spoke, wondering about this friend that she was mentioning now, but at the same time, her talking about a late lunch, had her stomach rumbling something fierce. As her face flushed warmly when she realised that Ishtar likely heard that hungry grumble, she’d had a snack earlier, but obviously, the almost morning tea was running it course now.

“I think that is a definite answer right there.”

When the demoness laughed softly, it was a kind sound, and she smiled a little sheepishly, even if being hungry wasn’t something she could control. Honestly, she wondered how it worked, being dead, why she got hungry, or whether it was just because she was used to being fed regularly. Something about her expression must have showed the puzzlement,

“Oh, she’s going to for the philosophical thoughts already… let me guess, the question you’re thinking is, I’m dead, do I really need to eat? I don’t know, and I really don’t want to find out, do you? Demons like me, we do need to eat. So, please join me for lunch before my stomach starts rumbling next.”

This time they were both laughing softly as Ishtar guided them out the door on their way.

Cat and Ishtar made their way to a nice little Italian place, she wouldn’t call it a pizzeria, she didn’t think. Even if there was pizza on the menu, from the look of the assortment of everything else that was included, it definitely felt like a more inclusive presentation of the culture than that most would associate with pizza. As it was, they were just sitting down, when a third woman joined them. Cat did not want to assume she was human, learning just as many took human form here as those that chose not to, but she at least appeared to be.

“Afternoon, you must be Cat, Folio didn’t stop telling me all about you today, about Ishtar’s new employee that we all just have to me.”

She knew Folio, oh, wait, she was with Folio today, and he’d been going to work,

“You work with Folio in the gate, to, the punishment realms then?”

Cat could only hope that the way she sounded as she asked that, was far more curious over the wary that she obviously felt. Why wouldn’t she be, considering the kind of things people could be told about what kind of punishment to expect when you die in Hell. 

“I do, yes, I’m Ellie, we work together along with our friend Jolly, we’re on the morning shift. It’s nothing glamorous, but it’s work, and I find doing it together rewarding. Besides, I’d rather do it than put it on someone else.”

That thought had Cat smiling softly, the idea of doing something she didn’t always enjoy just so someone else didn’t have to, that actually didn’t sound so bad at all. If anything she commended it, so the thought that Bryce would judge those that worked in that office, it well, did not sit right with her. First Folio, and now Ellie, it didn’t make sense.

“Okay, um I have another question, and this one, I perfectly understand if you don’t want to answer.. Actually, I’m not sure if I should ask, it might seem a little insensitive but I-”

“Am I a demon?”

“Yeaa, sorry.”

Now that she thought about it as she agreed to the guess of her question slowly, that it was possibly a very silly question in the end. Ishtar had only mentioned herself needing to eat when mention having lunch, and Cat had questioned whether she needed to eat anymore as a soul. There was also the fact that she couldn’t really see tattoos on Ellie, at least not really any that were intensely visible like other humans she saw that she assumed might be demons. Then again, if that were the case, Folio might be a demon! Huh, she had never really thought about it like that, she’d never asked, he’d always just seemed so, human. Then there was also the way he talked about being dead as if he had first-hand experience, it was hard to think of him as anything else. 

“No, I’m human, just as human as Folio and Jolly.”

Then, Cat was thinking back on something that Folio had said on one of his rambling moments when he was trying to help her feel better, help her be grounded earlier this morning.

“Wait, so, are you best friend that he mention? When we were talking about how to find different ways to handle being dead, and ground ourselves, that he had a friend, and how she uses a baseball bat to beat the crap out of bad guys, and that helps her deal with everything.”

That caused all three of them to laugh a little then. No doubt, with where she worked, Ellie wouldn’t have any shortage of soul for her to deal with as they came through the office on their way to the punishment realms of Hell.

“Oh, he would know, he was the one that helped me pick which bat that I wanted to get, he was all for the one from The Walking Dead, but I thought that might be just a little bit much, even for Hell. Too much blood to clean up for me.”

Cat couldn’t help but grin at that, deciding she definitely liked Ellie, a lot, she didn’t hold back, she only wished to be more like her sometimes. Right now, she was sitting there, twisting her fingers together a little bit as the waitress came over and asked if they knew what they would like to order yet. Oh, right, Cat quickly picked up her menu to have a proper look quickly, Ishtar and Ellie obviously having been here before taking the moment to order and giving Cat a moment to decide on something. Once she had, and relayed her choice, handing the menu back with her thanks, they settled in for nice late lunch.

“So, Ishtar mentioned that you were hoping to shop for some gardening supplies this afternoon?”

Ellie asked her,

“Yes, I um, my little place has this tiny little garden, its mostly overgrown but I would love to tend some flower boxes there, maybe some foliage around. My mom loves irises, I was thinking about planning some of those. While she always goes for the classic purple, me I love yellow, white. Oh, they are all beautiful.” Smiling as she said it, the times that she’d poured over different books about different flowers, studying their meanings

“I’m sure we can find a perfect assortment for your garden for you to brighten it with. I know some wonderful places.”

Looking over to Ishtar as she smiled so brightly and Cat was so excited, thankful that she’d agreed to come with her, thankful that she was able to be here so that she could meet Ellie. Never had she clicked with anyone so fast as she had them, sure, Ishtar was her boss, but she didn’t really feel like just her boss, and she liked that about how things worked here. Okay, she’d admit it, when Bryce had been pushing her, she felt like there was something she was missing, some end purpose that she didn’t understand. Now? With how she was at the café, she felt better, even if it had been utter chaos today, she felt like she had a little more purpose.

Maybe now she could settle, maybe now this turmoil inside of her could start to slow down.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[linkedin-corp]

we love essays. go ahead 🔥

SAY NO MORE FAM

CANON TTYD SONG PLAYLIST

-> ( recommended to read alongside listening! )

ENTRY 1. posin' — peggy suave (electro swing remix)

okay hear me out. this isnt entirely serious but its really really cute. works especially well with chapter 6 . im just a sucker for electro swing

ENTRY 2. ship in a bottle — fin

im gonna be honest at first this one in my head was more of a song in my "vivian and her internalized self loathing that makes her bottle her emotions towards her friends inside" saga, and it still is, but it also works really really well with what bobbery has going on. the ship and ocean sailing theming, obviously, but it does talk about a generalized chunk of emotions. needing to talk about them or else he'll sink. needing to let go. its just. aughhgghhhhhh. fuck .

ENTRY 3. unravel (specifically this english cover which i fucking love)

do i even have to explain myself. do i. 100% vivian coded. and also peach. ill be real this one fits chimera vivian more but i put it on this playlist because it also fits canon vivian too. albeit a bit less. the whole .. feeling hopeless and left behind. and wanting to be left behind. feeling like shes failed her sisters but not wanting to quite keep fighting to return to them. aughjhhj ...

ENTRY 4. eyes half closed — crywolf

okay. this is a polycule or just vivian and mario coded one to me. vivian struggling to say what she wants to ......... the mentions of leaving town ..... hhhgj:(...

ENTRY 5. bitter water — the oh hellos

okay now THIS is mario+vivian coded. duuuude the pure joy they find in eachother makes me crumble to my knees. vivian likes him so so much and mario loves her like a sodden old man loves his cats. dudeee. maybe people find it strange but who give a shit‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ they love eachother so much dude im gonna keel over

ENTRY 6. the weight of us — sanders bohlke

dude. okay. augh. the groups struggles through the journey to get the crystal stars and feeling doubt. but knowing they have to get through it no matter what. the grief and suffering. the hardships they feel together that crack them open like oysters but they seal together closer when the time nears. their own internal hardship holden secrets that stay sealed like sunken vaults, shucked away to make way for the promise of victory and eventual role to fill of heros. even if they are filled with terrors and fears, they are strong together. the time has come, and they must be brave, no matter what happens. AUJGHHH. (SOUNDS OF WAILING)

ENTRY 7. done with love — zedd

yeah its another ship coded song. honestly? i can feel tec in this. but im mega mega biased and im leaning towards marvian. mario cares alot about vivian okay . i know it in myheart. he loves her and helps her get over her insecurities and fears and i love that for them so much AUHG‼️

ENTRY 8. out of my mind — jamie berry (electro swing remix)

yeahhhhhh its another marvian one (and maybe vivibella if you swing that way too) ...OOOKAY IM CRAZY OVER HERE. LEAVE ME BE. look . to me mario is an old fashioned guy who loves his wife so much that he worries her and owns a gramophone. is that so wrong of me to assume.

ENTRY 9. willow tree march — the paper kites

haha. yeah. when i first was exposed to ttyd i did NOT expect as much grief and death as it gave. so here we are. DEFINITELY leeching off of the fact that most of them all have mortality based traumas . 100%. koops thought his dad was dead for so long. bobbery's wife literally died. the sufferers. the grievers. guys who fear the worst if they die and fail, and just fearing death in general even if it happens to everyone. there is no shot that none of them fear death in some capacity . mortality based fears are real and im projecting at this rate

ENTRY 10. king — lauren aquilina

mmmmm something something when the gang has doubts. when mario has doubts and worries. oh boy. vivian comforting mario just like he comforted her ;;;;;;; i just love giving mc's like mario anxiety its really great . i can make anything marvian if i squint its a talent

ENTRY 11. april in paris — billie holiday

the old fashioned mood is back again sorry . haha .... marvian ..... or vivibella .. coded .... (gets booed off the stage)

ENTRY 12. everything you ever — neil patrick harris

dude. dude. grodus song if i ever fucking heard it i swear to god. his feeling of superiority at the end of the tunnel. his stupid little "im better than you" monologue. except he plays it cool and actually sends shivers down your spine. a good villain in a 'has no idea what they are doing and struggled to get where they are but literally no one knows except members of the audience that think outside of the box'. and then he gets fucking crushed by both mario and bowser. fuck hes such a loser i love him.

ENTRY 13. my way — chase holfelder

ANOTHER X FUCKS SONG. this time its crump. soggy wet pathetic little freak of a guy. honestly i feel like if he really tried he would do well at trying to garner sympathy. in a theater kid dramatic way. thats what this reminds me of. but one that eventually gets into the shitty nitty gritty and sorta makes u feel something. its great

ENTRY 14. never forget you — zara larsson

hey . hey guess what. YUP ITS ANOTHER MARVIAN SONG(GETS SHOT)

ENTRY 15. calling your name — telehope

ok. uhm. so. its. its another marvian so(is killed

ENTRY 16. heart — flor

do i even have to say anything . horurhghhh. vivian (and also vivimera. they both work) and her constant identity crisis ... wanting to move forward but feeling guilty for leaving her sisters behind. yeah. yeah. real ones know how i feel about this one .

ENTRY 17. lay me down — the oh hellos

honestly i dont really have anyone for this one its just the vibes i think. the vibes of the crisp morning of everyone in the land. everyone waking up to a golden sunrise. the sandy pitter patter of feet through the land as the group goes through. the distant smell of death, but its bittersweet. its lovely

ENTRY 18. youth — daughter

oh man. this one . the promise of success, not knowing what lies ahead. those twisted and shapely, those we had known long gone. but time marches on. the goalpost needing to be touched at any cost, even at the cost of death. the heavyness of every choice, every burden left unturned. the mistakes that were made, the choices already chosen before you that choose your own branching paths. those you meet on the way and those you forget, being nothing but memories when time comes. it happens to everyone. but there is hope and love within the hurt, even if bitter. the taste of sour apples lingers, but even within those bites, there is sweetness.

ENTRY 19. unholy — the wrecks

ohhhh yeah a shadow queen song. and also the x-nauts or crump, if you think about it. but mostly shadow queen coded. the cockiness of it all. she would absolutely act soooo so cocky if anyone let her. to be honest, she deserves it. i love cunty asshole sly girlbosses. fuck. yes.

ENTRY 20. FFF — zara larsson

yeahhhhhh its a polycule song. i am nothing if not my biases. i can easily see this from either bellas or vivians pov. lovestruck idiots aughhh i love them

ENTRY 21. rubik's cube — athlete band

hhhfhfjdhf another mario (and co, if you believe it) self doubts song. man i just love making em so so so scared . scared and worried for the future, but full of wonder and hope because of the friends they all have ... auhghh ... weeps ..

ENTRY 22. cant sleep love — pentatonix

WHAT DO YA KNOW ITS ANOTHER POLYCULE CODED SONG HAAAAAHAHA ...........HAHA ......SWEATS (if i went into any more details of what i think of when this song comes on id be covered in thrown tomatoes)

ENTRY 23. lose it — oh wonder

mmmmhahahha yeahyou guessed it another marvian song.. i think mario would be a good dancer but he doesnt ever dance really.. so he and vivian dance together and ... auajjhhghhh ..........guysthey love eachother so much what if i exploded

ENTRY 24. lament for a toy factory — dr.steel

honestly? crump coded as fuck. absolute freak who loves his touys. he WOULD freak out over von grapple dude. lmao

ENTRY 25. little dark age x washing machine heart mashup remix

makes me think of whatever fucked up mental situation mario and the shadow queen would have going on while shes possessing peach would fuck him up baaaad. if the shadow queen was smart enough to capitalize on this. oh man.

ENTRY 26. too sensitive — sean kennedy

vivian coded 100%. without a doubt. shes sensitive in her own ways ... and especially sensitive against her sisters. aouhggh.

ENTRY 27. candyman — zedd & aloe blacc

DUUUUUDEEE DUDE. THIS SONG MAKES ME WEEP AND WAIL EVERY SINGLE TIME I HEAR IT. AUGH... JUST ...... THE SHEER AMOUNT OF HAPPINESS AND NOSTALGIA FLOWING OFF OF IT .... DUDDE .............. everyone being so so so happy together and having the time of their lives :(((((( having picnics and game nights and trips to scenic places and and and . oh my goddddd the gang is a FAMILYYYY they are a family i swear to godddd. they love and care about eachother so muchhhh dudeee. what if i exploded‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

ENTRY 28. my ordinary life — the living tombstone

crump song. super fucking cocky AND dramatic. lmfao

ENTRY 29. crossfire — stephen

honestlyyyyy i have so little words for this one. but man the vibes are there for me. it works. something about it just does it for me

ENTRY 30. afraid of the dark — the band camino

yeah. you guessed it. another polycule song. either mario or bella about vivian .... eeeeeuhhhhehehhee im so sick for them its unreal. the dynamic they have of being scared of eachother is sooooooo. crazy to me im crazy.sorry

ENTRY 31. labyrinth — miracle musical

YEAHHH MORE MARIO ANXIETY MUSIC!!!!!!!!! BEAMS MY LAZER THAT GIVES HIM ANXIETY AND FEAR AND TERROR AND WORRY AND—

ENTRY 32. awoken — glaze

YUPPPPP ITS TEC MUSIC. I LOVE TEC SOOOOMUCH SO IM ALSO BEAMING HIM WITH THE GUILT BEAM BWOOOOOOO i love sentient machines that learn how to love humanity ayghgrhrhhhhhh i need him to feel guilt i love him so bad . living after all of that ....... learning to love and learning to live a life of peace and carefree worries. god . he deserves so much

ENTRY 33. nowhere feels like home — the wldlfe

ohhh man yeah. vivian song. feeling so secluded and outcast even with her sisters. her memory of them being happy and carefree being lost from her sight. feeling so scared of what others think of her after joining the party even though mario has her back. fucjjjkkkk dudeeee.:(((

ENTRY 34. more than friends — aidan bissett

aaaaand another polycule song ..... this could literally go for any of them its craaaazy. silly worried dummiesssss in love i swear

ENTRY 35. love you better — the haunt

ohhh yeah vivian / marvian song. her guilt of who she is ... her anxiety surrounding her feelings ..... oh man. yeah. yeah.

ENTRY 36. real peach — henry jamison

heheeee another one for the 'mario loving his wife' collection

ENTRY 37. again — noah cyrus & xxxtentacion

even more marvian .ahaha. sweats. .. . could also be tec/peach if u dig that kinda thing

ENTRY 38. kids again — artist vs poet

itssss another marvian song.im just obsessed okay sorry.im normal i promise. .. mbfbfhdjjfjg they just love eachotherrrr :(((((( they find so much comfort in one another and it makes my heart so so happyyyy dudeeee.. this literally fits tbem so muchhhh even the lyrics brooo. it makes me want to cry so badly . mario being wreckless ... vivian being a shy beam of light ... god i love them so much

ENTRY 39. stupid — tate mcrae

ANOTHER MARVIAN SONG but this time its feels of when the one sided stuff was happening... vivian rummaging through her very very harsh self loathing during that period of unrequited feelings.. this poor lady .. aughhhh shes everything . she means everything .

ENTRY 40. two time — jack stauber

oh my goddd haha okay more marvian is the last song. oops .. anyway my emotions on this are crazy ..... vivian in her own head about what she thinks mario thinks of her .... aughhggh .... misreading the things he says and assuming the worst. making up fake scenarios in her head and then lamenting over them for hours and hours . god this poor girl someone save her.

AAAND THATS IT‼️‼️‼️‼️

ill probably update in this fashion whenever i find a new song to add to the list because im a crazy FREAK who cares wayyyyy too much about music and how well i can attach musical themes to my interests.plspls pls tell me if im right or wrong on any of these I LOVE HEARING SECOND OPINIONS IT GIVES ME LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!literally livepost to me u listening to these songs idc ill love you forevr music is everything to me . forreals .. ok ty for reading . bye

[dididems]

The Deuteronomy Brothers~

Deut would have these pictures in his wallet, if he had one. They are all just barely into adulthood in these pics. Some more mature than others. And boy, these cat lads can fit so much trauma inside! Have that under the cut :)

So they’re basically just barely adults in these pictures. Think 18-ish in human terms.

Mac used to be proud of being the biggest and oldest brother. He held both Munk and Tugger not too long after they were born. He loved to show off his magic, creating the smallest flames for his brothers to warm themselves. He would use his magic in play wrestling too, which Munk unfortunately got the brunt of. He ever so slowly started to learn he felt more powerful the more he hurt the ones around him. And so he continued. At first it was unintentional, which slowly turned into deliberate set-ups to get as much of a reaction out of the others as he could. The frustration and hurt of others, it was… addicting. He could sometimes even manipulate cats to do something for him, whether they wanted to or not. His brothers were the easiest targets, especially Munk.

And everlasting, Munk grew to distrust his brother with a passion. He saw Mac taking kitten Tugger with him often. They were too fast for him to follow. When they would come back, Tugger would be upset and Munk was there to offer comfort. That cycle repeated for quite some years. Until Mac figured out the mind control. The buzzing, nauseating, static-y feeling was one he would never forget. He hoped one day he’d be able to snap out of it by himself. Tugger didn’t seem to mind or understand, but he was still so young, how could he?

And why did Old Deuteronomy never do anything about it? Surely he was a cat with more magical experience than everyone of them combined? Munk had once asked him this, after Mac had just been banished. He was met with silence. Better to never speak of it, then. Act as if nothing ever happened to him. Or his brother. Or the rest of the tribe.

The day Mac was banished there was a thunderstorm. No rain, just lightning and booming thunder, indicating the storm was close. Every time he had seen Mac over the last couple weeks, his eyes had been glowing. With what, he wasn’t sure. Old Deuteronomy had invited Mac into his den to talk. Munk and Tugger were in the kitten’s den, being watched dutifully by Jellylorum. In between the thunder, Munk could hear screaming and hissing. Despite his instincts telling him to stay away, he left a sleeping Tugger and went to look for his older brother and father. When he crept into the den, he was met with a terrifying sight; Mac stood over his father’s body, hands outstretched, filled with blazing flames. He let out a yelp, which caused Mac to turn around with feral eyes and focus on him. He realized too late his father was calling out to him, as he already felt the static and nausea set in. And this time, he wasn’t sure if he would survive.

What happened exactly is never spoken about. Old Deuteronomy’s den went up in flames and Macavity disappeared into the night. Munkustrap wasn’t hurt too bad physically, but he vowed to never have to experience magic ever again. Tugger was woken by screaming, his father’s den aflame and both his brothers gone. Days later, he would find Munk curled up underneath a broken bedframe. Not knowing what to do, he just curled up with him, not missing the flinch Munk made when he opened his eyes for a second. He was young, true, but he wasn’t stupid.

[anxietycomments]

@invader-mothisback

Techkit is Autistic. Here's Why.

Made into a separate post so I could properly check stuff at the same time as writing yada yada here we go–

NOTE: at the end of the day I'm an autistic bitch who TOTALLY DIDN'T latch onto Techkit somehow. so. bowl of salt. readers please also don't diagnose urself with this and this only thank you much

it's pronounced "tek-kit"

made a point of making her blog handle the CORRECT way of pronouncing her name. i'd do this shit. i DO this shit

stimming

regularly flicks her tail back and forth, draws, etc. as a way of relaxing, or just because, which is stimming. cats are also autistic so uh

general social unawareness

regularly makes off-handed comments about things others shouldn't, or just don't, know. this can also be seen as a result of trauma (read: normalization of her abuse), BUT. autistic-coded to me. also there's a TON of other moments like this.

no reaction to damage/pain

yes she was unconscious. but like. barely reacted when she did wake up. i skimmed that part so i could be wrong, shoot me if yes, but like. COME ON.

emotional instability

Handing over a small, pink card, she muttered a soft "sorry." On the front, it had a crude drawing of the reporter done in crayon, and inside it read "sorry 4 trying 2 kill u :(". Judging by Techkit's digital expression, she looked as though she felt genuine remorse and guilt. <- it feels like, vaguely– it's like. the way she acts in this part it's like, a mildly exaggerated portrayal of sadness/guilt? which reads to me as someone trying to fit in to how neurotypicals react to things, without necessarily understanding the emotions fully. like yes she's sorry, but she reads (to me) as like... trying to imitate childish remorse, because it goes along with what she's mostly like, childish. which i guess can also be its own autistic trait? latching onto a personality trait and exaggerating it to fit in?

blind trust/general innocence

Techkit’s not like, pure innocent, but as seen with the cutecatmemes.exe thing– she’s very like, “but why would someone lie about x?” etc.

what color is that cat?

just this interaction. no other words

how many toothpicks?

on another note, she very much is the "how many toothpicks are on the ground?" "…12" "it’s 3??" girl

[winderlylandchime]

I feel like I have to keep you updated for these last few days and 70% of that is because I unfortunately made you all aware of my brothers existence and the other 30% is because he bullies me into telling stuff to his new ‘homies’. But also soooo much happened that i immediately thought to myself ‘i know a few people that would like to hear all this’ and my brother shared the same thought. So I apologize in advance for any spam that will happen in the next few days but I will also try my best to put it all into one message.

So first of all: MY BROTHER IS OFFICIALLY CLEARED UP TO GO HOME!! His tests all came back amazing so he is officially going back home on Sunday. Ngl the feeling is bittersweet because who is going to wake up half of the neighborhood with Sandstorm now and get stuck trying to climb a fence and force 50-60 year olds into watching qaf with him? And he’s taking the cat with him as well. Rude.

Anyway! I wish you guys could’ve seen him go into his lasy check up, he brought chocolates for everyone and got them each a card with personalized messages to say thanks for taking care of him. He was all happy and sweet, it was like a kid on Christmas. And then towards the end of the check up, one of the nurses was like ‘hey (his name), we actually wanted to give you a little something, to remember us by and also as a goodbye since you’re going home’ and they gave him a gift and guys, this shit was so freaking cute! They first got him some snacks he loves (he always came to the check ups with snacks and was offering them to all of the staff), but they also got him a penguin plushie (context: when he first came for the surgery, they told him to bring his pajamas from home since he will stay for a few days and he rolled up with two different penguin pajamas cause it’s his favorite animal..again this man is a grown 36 year old) And the plushie has the exact same scar on his chest/stomach as my brother does from his accident. And the surgeon goes ‘i made sure that they were identical, that way you’re no longer one of a kind’ because after the surgery when they showed him how it looked he was all high on meds and went ‘not gonna lie, this looks badass but fuck now i really am one of a kind and all alone.’ So the surgeon sewed the plushie to make it look the same. It was actually adorable as fuck! And my brother was all teary eyed about it. And then!!! the nurse goes ‘there’s one more thing inside and you have to check it now.’ And she explained that the nurse who knew about qaf (from when he ripped his stitches) is also a big part of this last gift. And it was a card and on the front it said ‘you’re cool but we really hope to never see you again’ (its kinda like a thing they say there bc it’s trauma department or whatever). Also sidenote: Did you guys know there’s a greeting/birthday card you can buy online that allows you to record a message and design the cover? So when you open it, it starts saying the message or whatever? Me neither. But apparently the nurses knew about it. So he opens the fucking card and Lover’s spit starts playing and all that is inside is a picture of Britin from the end of 3x14 where everyone is celebrating and they hug (Brian is like hugging Justin but he’s looking over him somewhere). And they go ‘you talked so much about that episode we figured it was fitting.’ And then they explained that the nurse who knew about the show helped them find the photos and everything and even fought them to make sure Lover’s spit is used since originally they wanted to put Cue The Pulse. And that nurse eventually won the “fight” because they remembered that my brother went on a whole speech when he watched 3x08 about the reunion scene. And my brother on the verge of tears goes ‘thank fuck cause this is way fucking cooler. No offense’ And that’s literally all there is in the card (well and all their signatures on the opposite side from the photo).

And then after the check up as we are leaving, the surgeon goes ‘well I think I can honestly say, that i will never ever have a patient like you ever again’ and my brother obviously took that as a compliment and went ‘well duuh, every other patient is boring compared to me’ and guys!!!! We were leaving, my brother is almost out the door, I’m already outside the office and the fucking surgeon goes ‘oh (his name), by the way, you were right. That proposal was ridiculous and the finale really did suck. In fact if it was up to me? I’d erase the entire last season.‘ and he’s like smirking at my brother and my brother (and me too ngl) is SHOCKED! And he starts stuttering and goes ‘you..you knew the show this whole time?’ And the doctor goes ‘don’t be ridiculous. I didn’t even know it existed but after your 3rd spiral over it, I had to check it out to see what the big deal was about it’ and then my brother was like ‘why didnt you say anything? We could’ve been buddies over it this whole time’ and the doctor walked up to the door and goes ‘Exactly’ and then he just slowly closed the door while waving to my brother and my brother was just standing outside the door not moving for so long, i had to drag him away. And he walked past the nurse and goes ‘he watched it!’ And the nurse goes ‘oh yeah, he came in one day and was like “you know that show (his name) is always talking about? Well my wife and i watched it and holy shit’

The whole car ride home, we were both in absolute shock. Him more but that’s because only one of us was giving full speeches and rundowns about episodes to the doctor. And as for the card? You know that scene in Easy A, where she keeps opening and closing the birthday card to hear the song? That’s what half of my Wednesday looked like.

Dear sweet anon and brother anon! I am so happy he’s cleared and discharged. That makes me so happy!

I am beyond surprised that the doctors and nurses all got him presents. Admittedly, any surgeries I’ve had have been done outpatient except for when I was 8 and 13, and with follow up only with my doctor so I don’t know what is common these days. But their presents! Those weren’t generic, we give these to all the patients, gifts. The penguin! With the matching scar! The card with the photo and Lover’s Spit! I’m dying.

And. The. Surgeon. Watched. Qaf. Like all 5 seasons. I am deceased. Ofc he didn’t tell your brother until the end. (Your poor brother has all these people doing things behind his back while he’s watching this show. He’s going to develop trust issues.) But he has all correct opinions.

Wait. As I’m typing this I realized. A trauma surgeon (if I understand correctly) watched prom and 201. He must have opinions about Justin’s injury and recovery. Wait. I have some questions. How comfortable does your brother feel calling up the surgeon and saying “so I’m tumblr famous and this rando girl who is equally obsessed with QAF wants to know what you think the long term effects of the bashing would be on Justin.”

I am just as shocked as both of you about this turn of events. What a way to start my Thursday.

[citruscitrushope]

silly big hat thing for you…my lil guy siffrin…im very sorry i did not mean to sound mean i am just very eepy and didn’t think to make me finding it silly clear

No no it's okay! If anything I was worried I didn't make *my* silly intent clear! It's not your fault I'm just kinda a silly and trying my best-

Anyways yaaay Siffrin! I haven't isated at all but I know him!! He looks like the cat from that one google doodle game and can fit so much trauma inside of him!!

[izzy-b-hands]

So. I'm allowing myself a vent post or two abt Stuff in the Brain today that won't fuck off, but it'll all be under a cut if I feel I'm at risk of being too wordy so folks don't gotta see this if they don't wanna. And on this one I did get wordy, multi-paragraphs so. fair warning if u decide to be brave and read thru it lol

I'm behind on getting Mum a bday gift. Like two weeks behind. Partially bc money, partially bc the thing I really wanted to get her involves bidding on ebay and attempting to win a listing (and I just haven't managed it yet lmao), and partially bc like:

For once I've been living my life for me, thinking abt me and Housemate first and foremost, and focusing on what I actually want/need from day to day, and that means I'm away from my phone a bit more than usual, which means I've missed some calls and texts from Mum and just haven't been as Available via phone/apps/etc as I've been in the past

(including one time in the last week or so where Housemate and I stepped aside to the kitchen to make ourselves mac n cheese, and Mum was late to calling me for a planned call, so I figured I was safe to leave the phone by the couch while we cooked. Nope! In that less than half hour, 25 mins at most that it took us to finish mac and get plated up, she figured we'd both A. fallen down the stairs and were now dying from brain bleeds while the cats sniffed us in panic and fear B. decided to cut her out of my life forever and so now I wasn't going to be answering her calls (tho this point I didn't know until a much more recent text where she admitted to it and did say she was ashamed of feeling that way.) )

So I really need to get something out to her, either the chocolates I was planning on sending for her and the family from a local shop, the Snoopy Build-A-Bear plushie with a lil 'I miss you' tshirt and a voice thingy inside it with me telling her to remember that I love her and am always grateful for her help and care and things like that, whatever will fit lol (this is the fucker that triggered this whole train crash of a set of thoughts today lmao), and/or something from one of the ebay listings I've been trying to get (I just need to accept it and pay the buy it now price considering what the thing is isn't like. Uber rare? But apparently Bon Jovi doesn't have their figurines made any more, so they're a bit harder to find and I'm gonna risk not getting one at all if I don't just. do the dang thing lmao)

I'm thinking the Snoopy would be best/easiest for rn, but I keep getting stuck on what I'll say for the recording and it's so dumb but like:

I know, for the sake of both of us and the deeply grown and intertwined sort of emotionally incest-flavoured codependency Mum and I have, we probably should eventually try going NC or LC for at least like. a month or two in the future? Probably even a bit longer? Not as like a 'this is forever' thing (unless something would happen that would point to that as the best option for both of us), but just until we can maybe both heal a bit and work closer towards something even vaguely approaching a more normal mother/son relationship.

And the particular fear is very silly but like. I'd hate to say the things I have planned, that I mean (I do love her, and I know she does her best, and so I'm grateful for every bit and every sort of help she's ever given or will ever give me), and then we someday go NC or LC, and she's hurt by having the plush and audio around as a reminder of how things were before. I could see her throwing it away in a fit, and then being so sad and begging for a new one by the next day. And I'd want to get her one. I don't know if that's right of me or not.

Like, the trauma has me Entirely overthinking this and I know it's ridiculous, you know? But still. Got the Build-A-Bear tab open on my phone bc the chocolate is at least partially to be shared, so that's Not Enough as a partial belated bday gift; and I'd like to hit another paycheck (or part of it, since the uni rarely puts the full fucking direct deposit in on scheduled payday lmao) before I try for the Bon Jovi figurine (and hope it isn't bought before that point.) So the plush is really the best choice, and I don't want to wait any longer to send anything out bc like. Her bday was at the beginning of March, this is fucking ridiculous of me and not how I like handling gifts at all, for anyone!!

Fingers crossed I just. Get the fucking recording done, get it ordered and have them send it out to her, and that'll be enough until I can get my hands on a figurine and/or order the chocolates and candies for her, her bf, and to share with the rest of the family.

[ladylilithprime]

One Size Fits, Some Exclusions Apply

Series: Fluffy Faerie Tales

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: background Sastimmy/Jamstiel (Jimmy Novak/Sam Winchester/Castiel)

Rating: General

Tags/Warnings: Half-Fae Sam Winchester, Jimmy and Castiel Are Twins, Selkie Jack Kline, Sam Winchester Is Jack Kline's Adopted Father, Brief Allusions to Canon-Typical Violence, Selkie Donna Hanscum, Foster Mom Donna

Summary: Thanks to the efforts of Nox and Sam, Matthew Pike has been rescued and relocated to Avalon and a new foster mom who has some concerns. Cas does his best to be reassuring.

For: @fluffyfebruary challenge!

Prompt: Day 21: Reward

Read on AO3

IT WASN'T A particularly big deal in the grand scheme of things. Graduating second grade was a milestone, but a fairly basic one. Having perfect attendance wasn't so much a moral success as luck of the draw when it came to catching or not catching the usual schoolyard cold and flu germs that got passed around. Grades were low stakes even at the highest mark, not that anyone would dare say that to a child's face or in range of their proud parent unless that person was a complete idiot.

And frankly, as excuses to have a party and offer complimentary cupcakes at Lighthouse CommodiTeas, Jack's end of second grade graduation was as good an excuse as any and a better reason to celebrate than more emotionally fraught reasons.

Jack sat at his usual table at the front, devoid of the now-obsolete homework and, instead, hosting a medium-sized travel terrarium with a mildly nervous tarantula huddled inside beneath a carefully constructed hide of tree bark and moss. The tarantula was being regularly checked on by its owner, Matt, who sat across from Jack and nibbled on his cupcake. Next to them sat Kaia, Jack's friend from karate, also eating a cupcake and asking questions about the care and needs of the tarantula as she wrote down a list for designing a new, bigger terrarium that would live in Matt's new room.

"I don't know if I should be concerned or not, honestly," Sheriff Donna Hanscum admitted from where she sat at the corner table across the room nearest the kitchen. "I don't want to discourage his interest, but, well... it's a spider, not a cat or a dog. And what if his focus on his pet is just his way of avoiding dealing with anything else?"

"My understanding is that Matt had this tarantula for some time before the... incident that resulted in him coming into your care," Cas said with as much delicacy as he could muster. The inciting incident had occurred on his day off, so he had only heard about it after the fact from Jimmy and been peripherally present for the fallout. "He may very well be focusing most closely on caring for his pet in order to avoid his own trauma, in which case showing care for the tarantula may help establish that, when he is ready to accept, care will be offered to him, too."

"Yeah," Donna sighed, looking down at her cup. Hellfire mocha with raspberry syrup, if Cas recalled correctly. "I just... I guess I'm worried that I won't be any good at this foster mom thing, y'know? I mean, I always thought I'd at least have a mate before having pups."

"Not something I can help you with," Cas said dryly, which at least made Donna laugh a bit. "You care about him and want him to be safe and happy, which is most important. Communicate with him, check in, listen to him... parenting is never going to be a one size fits all sort of thing, though from what I recall from working retail even 'one size fits all' was a misnomer."

"Usually is," Donna agreed. "But I get your point. Just gotta be open to listening when he's ready to talk."

"Exactly," Cas nodded. "And you aren't completely on your own in this, either. You have your pod, and your friends, and Matt will have all of you plus Jack and Kaia."

"Y'all really are great friends," Donna said with a smile. "Don't know too many other kids who would use the excuse of graduating second grade to throw a covert 'welcome to your new home' party for a kid they just met."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Cas lied as he plucked the chocolate and pretzel spider off his cupcake and took a bite.

[varicrux]

name : hyun-joon “henry” song. age : twenty-three. birthday : may 30th. gender : trans-male. | he / him. ethnicity : korean. occupation : college student + veterinary technician. orientation : bisexual.  hobbies : dancing , basketball , gaming , researching astronomy & space , collecting funko pops , reading comics. traits : energetic , sociable , observant , sensitive , conflict - adverse , nosey.

trivia.

*slaps hood of car* this baby can fit so much heart - breaking trauma inside of it but still manages to be a ray of sunshine in everyone’s lives.

henry is such a busy guy ; between being a fulltime college student , working part time as a veterinary technician , being the captain of his university’s dance team & an active player on the basketball team , henry rarely has time for himself & will Still try to make time for other people. someone pls tell him to relax before he burns himself out completely. 

he lives with his best friend ezekiel ( who’ll be added to this blog shortly ) & he’s almost never there except to sleep because of just how much he’s doing all of the time. zeke has had to threaten him several times to come home and go to sleep at a semi-decent hour.

henry has a ragdoll cat named moonie and she’s the boss. what moonie says goes literally.

hyun-joon’s backstory is below the read-more. BIG TW for: homophobia / transphobia , abuse , and graphic violence.

   your parents are supposed to be the first people you’re able to trust in the world. they’re the first people your eyes lay upon , the first people who touch you & vise versa , the first people to LOVE YOU. you come into this world , knowing nothing other than your mother’s skin , your mother’s breath , your mother’s voice. your father is meant to protect you , to show you how to survive in this world & be the best version of yourself you can be. that’s why they’re your PARENTS. 

         when hyuna - kim was brought into this world , her parents , bae - cho & kun - woon couldn’t have been happier ; her mother especially , at the thought of being able to raise a sweet little baby girl to be just like her. her father would dote & dote , buy her the cutest little dresses & bows & have tea parties with her from afternoon to dinner time. they had planned the perfect childhood to raise their precious daughter. hyuna - kim seemed to have it all. perfect , loving parents , that gave her anything she wished for , on the second she wished for it. being an only child , her parents time & money was always granted to her , spent on her & with her ; hyuna - kim was their world. 

         so , with that in mind , you would assume that would reign true as she grew older , saw more of the world & was beginning to discover her true self. for awhile , hyuna’s parents did still think of her as the world. but once she entered middle school , that was when hyuna began to see the world & herself a little differently. the way that hyuna’s body developed. . . she didn’t feel as happy about it as the other girls in her class. she began to try hiding her body as much as possible , opting out of the cute , trendy clothes her mother would buy her & instead wear layers , hoodies & pants that were a size too big on her. at first , bae - cho didn’t read too much into it -- maybe a boy at school had started to pick at her because he noticed hyuna as a woman. but as time passed & hyuna graduated from seventh to eighth grade , the “phase” that bae - cho hoped she would grow out of only seemed to strengthen. 

         at the start of her eighth grade year , hyuna chopped all of her hair off to a short pixie cut. she bought more muted clothes & androgynous clothing with the money she’d receive on holidays & her birthday , since her mother warned her that if she stopped wearing the clothes she bought , she wouldn’t spend her money on ANY clothes hyuna wanted. eventually , hyuna became completely dependent on any money that was given to her when she needed new clothing & if she didn’t have any , she’d wear the same thing in a row for days , if only to avoid wearing the extremely feminine pieces from her mother. of course , this worried bae - cho even more & started to concern kun - woon as well. 

         after graduating to high school , hyuna’s relationship with her parents was disintegrating bit by bit. they wouldn’t welcome her home from school anymore , often ignoring her presence entirely or making snide comments under their breath like “look at her. she looks like a damn boy. it’s hideous.” these comments never fell on deaf ears. school was the only place that hyuna could find some semblance of peace & freedom to express herself. she told her class that she preferred male pronouns & wanted to be addressed up the name HYUN - JOON. there were always going to be those who didn’t understand or weren’t willing to , but for the most part , hyun - joon was accepted by his peers. it wasn’t until hyun - joon’s junior year of high school , that he finally decided to stand up to his parents & explain his feelings. it took every iota of strength & courage he had to tell his parents that was trans & that he wanted to look into options for medical transition. everything was silent for a few moments after that. awkward , terrifying silence. . . until hyun - joon’s fears had become fully realized. 

         he wakes up on the floor of the living room. his head is spinning , every inch of his face & arms are stinging & something viscous & wet had a small trail down his temple. after looking around , he doesn’t see his parents , but it only takes him a moment , after he fully comes to , to remember what happened. tears immediately splash upon his knees as the horrible memory comes back of his father beating him , his mother behind him sobbing as though hyun - joon has DEVASTATED her. picking himself up with what little strength he had left , hyun - joon dragged himself upstairs to his shower to clean himself off & cried for hours. 

         that , unfortunately , wasn’t the end of his parents’ rage & disappointment in him. for the six months , they absolutely terrorized hyun - joon. bae - cho destroyed any clothes she could get her hands on that were remotely androgynous or “not feminine enough” , even the ones hyun - joon has bought or worked hard to obtain. his father steered clear of him as much as he could , because every time he saw him , there was an animosity in his eyes that made hyun - joon’s blood run cold & there were even times kun - woon would hit him , strike him , throw something at him ; anything to make hyun - joon run away from him. they made their son’s life a complete hell. yet & still , the only solace hyun - joon could find , was when he was at school. he would often have to cover up the bruises , gashes & open wounds from his father with makeup or layers & when his friends & peers would ask if he was alright , he’d just flash them a smile & lie through his teeth

         but ezekiel cochran ended up knowing better than that. he was a vet tech at a well known & prestigious animal hospital in los angeles & he was visiting hyun - joon’s high school to explain a program that his hospital was doing that allowed teens with plans to graduate & take on a degree in the veterinary field , a chance to internship with the hospital & get a jumpstart on their experience. this immediately piqued hyun - joon’s interest , as that was exactly what he wanted to study once he graduated high school. after approaching ezekiel for details , the two hit off quite well & exchanged numbers to keep in contact about the program. soon enough , the duo became friends & ezekiel decided to sponser hyun - joon for the internship ; the catch? he needed to meet hyun - joon’s parents to discuss the program & get their permission to move forward. as much as hyun - joon was terrified of this meeting , but knew that if he wanted this , then it needed to happen.  

         the air was tense & uncomfortable the moment when ezekiel came over to meet his parents. the way they looked at hyun - joon was cynical & callous & even while talking with ezekiel , they were dismissive & uninterested. he knew instantly that he didn’t like these two & that there was something seriously wrong going on there. hyun - joon already knew that his parents weren’t going to give ezekiel the time of day & what little hope he had of getting one step closer to his dream career , was crushed. after ezekiel left , later that night , hyun - joon’s father cornered him in his bedroom , screaming at him about ezekiel , calling him a liar & accusing him & ezekiel of dating. hyun - joon would’ve tried to explain himself , but he knew that his father wasn’t listening & hadn’t been listening to him or ezekiel all day. . so he shut up & let it happen , so that this punishment would at least be over with. knowing damn well something needed to be done , ezekiel took it upon himself to talk with dr. avery harrison , the lead veterinary surgeon at the hospital & final decision maker of who was awarded the internship. ezekiel told him of his concerns & the reason why he was sponsoring hyun - joon. at first , avery didn’t speak much on the topic , but after a little more convincing from ezekiel to meet hyun - joon & his parents himself , avery agreed. 

         hyun - joon was , genuinely , completely shocked to not only hear back from ezekiel throughout the week , but to also be told that the doctor who would decide who was getting the internship , wanted to speak with him personally. it both excited him & broke his heart. he knew his parents weren’t going to let him do this internship , even if he won it. but zeke managed to assure hyun - joon that he should definitely talk to avery. a zoom session was then set up for friday evening. hyun - joon’s mood has increased exponentially during the week he was waiting for the zoom session with avery , but his anxiety was also just as high. he almost didn’t want to allow himself to hope for the best , because he was so very used to the opposite. finally , finally , FINALLY , friday was here.

         the first thing hyun - joon noticed about avery when the session started & he saw the doctor for the first time , was how handsome & strict he looked. his voice was just as steady & proper & after a round of introductions , he began asking hyun - joon some questions about himself , his family & what he already knew about animals & why he wanted a career in the veterinary industry ; of course , hyun - joon answered with full honesty. & as the young student spoke , avery understood why ezekiel recommended this boy to him. he held a huge passion for helping animals & helping others. he spoke so kindly of the world around him & there was never a shred of doubt in his mind about what he wanted to do to help bring positive change to the world of animals. avery wouldn’t have admitted it then , but hyun - joon’s words truly touched him. 

         unfortunately , that soft moment was abruptly interrupted by hyun - joon’s father , who’d slammed open the door & saw henry on the zoom call with avery. he was completely drunk & it was more than obvious by the way his body was slugging around & his words slurred. in the flash of a breath , he accused hyun - joon of sleeping around with older men , called him a whore & started moving quickly towards hyun - joon , the flash of knife shining on the side of him. he yelled ‘ if you want to be a boy so fucking bad , i’ll chop your chest off for you right there! i’m not paying for any fucking surgery! ‘ hyun - joon screamed , knocked over his laptop & everything on his side went dark. within seconds , avery was in his car , pulling up hyun - joon’s address on the application he had filled out for the internship & raced that way. 

         avery probably sped past every red light he could to make it to that house before the unthinkable happened. he burst open the front door , ran upstairs & the first thing he did was deliver a punch so hard to kun - woon’s face , he probably knocked a few bones loose & made sure he was out before he checked on hyun - joon. bae - cho had already called an ambulance , sobbing her guts out as if she were any less innocent in this mess. the paramedics arrived within minutes , took hyun - joon on a stretcher & off to the hospital. as avery watched him go , he prayed. he prayed & prayed that hyun - joon would be okay. he told god that the world needed someone like him. he wanted to protect him , from now on. 

         he didn’t wake up for 3 days. he’d gone in under critical condition & every single day , from the time he woke up , to the time he’d go to work & then clock out , avery would be there , by his side , waiting. ezekiel would be there just as much & had bought an array of gifts & flowers each day , hoping hyun - joon would open those eyes.  it wasn’t until the end of the fourth day , right as things were beginning to look truly bleak , that hyun - joon opened his eyes & gave avery the saddest , most tired smile he’d ever seen. it made his heart clench , but before he had a chance to say anything , ezekiel had come through the door & once he noticed hyun - joon was awake , tears rolled down his cheeks & he smiled so wide. they welcomed him back to the world & that’s when hyun - joon also began to cry.

 ‘ thank you. ‘

[bitbrumal]

                                                   QUESTION    ↤  @galactia​  ::  👫 + our ship & i’ll give you 4 facts  ↩

       ‘👫 (Zhong and Kaeya? ;D)’

i hate u ( affectionate ) for sending me this bc istg i TRIED to just write 4 snappy points but kaeya’s everything in response to zhongli is so juicy i kept writing whole posts on his psyche. i cut that shit & it’s still long as balls. this could have been about goddamn pancakes but i wanted to dig deeper & then it went too deep & now-

I.

kaeya goes out of his way to have possessions, tokens, or even parts of zhongli to physically entwine with him especially in his absence. the man’s generous in his affections, but the distance between them is generous too. whether it be braiding brown & gold into his own blue, voluntarily gifted- donning the fine robe zhongli had gifted him around christmas- piercing his ear a second & third time to wear cor lapis as close to inside him as is medically reasonable.          yes he eyes zhongli’s personal possessions when he’s over. yes he leaves his own most intimate ones when he leaves.

II.

although kaeya’s never bothered to learn to love anything, he’s so enamoured that he will try his best to enjoy bamboo shoot soup. it’s just... he hates bamboo.

III.

frequently breaks his brain over what to gift zhongli, & is RomanticTM enough to feel like,,, maybe to a man who sees how feral & rotten hollow he is about the concept of ‘love’... perhaps his heart is finally a fitting gift?           but then that seems stupid, so kaeya silently makes use of his inheritance & designs something achingly lovely. its weight & texture will be pleasant to the touch; the picture it makes a delight for the eyes. kaeya’s incredibly embarrassed about the wall of but i want my heart to be the gift he wants that continually gets in the way of any of these feats. just seems a bit rude to consider that burnt out husk of a heart an appropriate return gift.

IV.

zhongli’s endless dignity is the feathery lure to kaeya’s naughty, shameless cat behaviour. he gives exactly zero fucks about the man / god’s reputation--( since he’s fully convinced he can handle whatever's thrown at him anyway )--& will proceed to drag his own through the mud by smacking the man’s ass when he’s in the middle of a conversation, climbing him like a tree as they stroll through the market, snuggling up to him like a well-fed alley cat, & generally be affectionate in all the silly physical ways better suited to privacy.                    naturally, he has no intentions of actually crossing any real boundaries - just the ✨annoying✨ ones~~.

[ classified redacted essay under the cut. ]

I.

zhongli brings him a sense of belonging that outstrips the cold, horrible confidence that he’ll always be allowed back with his first ‘family’. a kindness that is fair, just, & lacks the blind willingness to sell himself cheap that diluc had had as a boy ( & possibly still has ). he brings an authority to the table that is more competent & dignified than varkas’, or all the current captains manning the ship in his wake combined. warmer than diluc by being less intense- & cold in warmth’s excess -than heat. more tempered--              hasn’t drawn a blade on him, fine, we’ll say it.        he comes with a stability that kaeya has never experienced - a sort of security that no doubt comes in part from his faux endlessness. but it’s the way he goes about being a person that grants someone in his company all these boons. it’s a shockingly ravenous thing. hadn’t known it could be this luxurious- just being around someone. is it less shallow for being more personal? or can he not say he loves him deeply, hah.

kaeya, in comparison, is only beneficial to be around when under duress. his qualities are mainly feigned so as to be wanted around long enough to do some benefiting himself. he tries very hard not to do that around zhongli unless he’s been too much of a bore. depression is a buzz kill.

II.

there is a special way zhongli clicks into his trauma & unlocks it, lets it flow freely 'away’. because much of kaeya’s terror toward him is direct. it’s morax he’s afraid of; one of celestia’s approved archons, one of those who fought in the war ( even if kaeya has apparently, deliciously / gratefully, misunderstood how )... all his life kaeya has been terrified because he now lives within the ‘eye of the seven’ or whatever. it could not be confronted with absent barbatos... even if kaeya after a few years deliberately went to a statue of him to see if he would, perhaps, be punished for existing some more.                  but zhongli not only allowed him to face & process his terror, he... despite kaeya having definitely not earned himself any points with a gentle, self-deprecating tone - by being forgiving, by blaming himself, by making it easy for rex lapis... being charming, being nice, being manipulative-

            he was allowed to hate & grieve & claw.

zhongli could have done actually anything. & continues to be able to. but does not. & not only is that true, but he makes a massive fucking point out of it.            kaeya never asked to be healed. he wanted to be dealt with, to be done with it all. if he had to fear something he had no hope at all to control- kill me or yield to me. the dragon does neither,..     fairly, kindly, honestly. wouldn’t stand for false accusations but stood for anything else-

the best man he’s ever met is a god & he’s furious about it. or perhaps, perhaps he’s just- perhaps this is another kind of passion. ah, yes -- all that hatred ( & boy is there hatred ) transmuted into love. recontextualised by the mind yet, stemming from the same generous part of the brain.

           it is the strongest emotion kaeya can give,                & it is breathtaking to be proud to gift it to him.

        my condemner, love me whole.

III.

kaeya is a little worried he’s just met a god so kind he’s... in a relationship founded on pity. but zhongli continues to be kind & open, & while it is impossible not to doubt - it is shockingly hard to have no reason to believe in something far too good to be true.

          it’s just that kaeya trusts in vulnerability & cruelty,     & the balance makes some sense. he could be strung along for a greater payoff later -- but kaeya has met one other impossibly kind man. even if they no longer speak. diluc made it possible at all for him to believe something like this, but that’s not anywhere near enough. zhongli-

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 🌡️ - August 2024 - Virgo

Singles:

Who is Coming In: Temperance & 5 Wands rev

Regarding: Queen of Cups rev

Long-Term Potential: Ace of Wands & The Devil rev

What a strange message. Strange person & dynamic. Twin Flame came out, which some people will be cheering for because of the intensity — nothing can match it — but really it’s more like a warning ⛔️ At the bottom of the oracles shows darkness 😈 in people - it may be a Twin but it’s the initial unawakened & Devil-ridden kind; not the lessons learned, growth and spiritually evolved person they will eventually become. That’s the long-term, and you will know about this growth if/when it happens because that’s how Twins work, how you know idk but you always somehow know - it’s part of it. Idk where you fit here. Or this could BE you, for someone. The one thing I’m seeing more clearly than anything is an issue or aversion to sex. Could be asexual, they don’t want anything to do with the act of sex itself. It’s showing up more as manipulation though, or that may be how it’s being perceived - using sex as a weapon.

There may also be some deep deep secrets here regarding sex, gender, preference, and I’m getting a heavy lgbt vibe as well as just… “fluid”. They may or may not be a water sign but they’re “fluid like water” is how I’m hearing it, very changeable, impressionable, a chameleon, could be another mutable sign or have dominant placements there.

I just got a vision: a trans 🏳️‍⚧️ person meets Twin before transition, either likes the opposite gender or the other person won’t be into them after a transition that’s definitely happening. Something in this area is going to stop this connection long-term. For that story, you two are the same, inside, but so different in sexual/gender kind of ways that it…I’m hearing “can’t” go further, like it’s not even possible.

For others, it’s an aversion to sex for whatever reason. 8 Swords underneath shows either this is something not being looked at, could be kept to oneself, could be actual trauma, for whoever isn’t this person - there’s nothing they can do. The relationship is described as getting back together after a separation where you haven’t spoken, there’s been time to heal (not enough, I’m hearing). Some person may have had a ton of partners and the other is not interested in all of that. Like a virgin up against a Don Juan, it’s a big deal *to them*, could be a confidence thing if not an aversion - like how are they going to match up with the entire West Coast? 😆 That’s the vibe. Long-term, whatever happens it’s like there is nothing the other person can do - you/they can’t fight it, there are differences or arguments that set you apart so much that it’s inevitably not gonna work. You both are forced to move in other directions, towards new things and loves, whatever 10 Cups looks like to you & that’s the whole point. You both direct each other to happiness. One person wants a lot of sex & attention and the other wants cats and quiet time, but at your core you’re deeply connected and unconsciously directing the other person by impulse & triggers. Your Oracle is saying to not allow that - think & act for yourself 🙏 If it’s the aversion to sex and you don’t have this issue, you have to stand up for yourself and what you want. It’s not fair for one person to need xyz and the other person only speaks/wants/does abc, it’s that simple. You’re not to be guilted into sex or abstinence that you don’t want - that’s wrong. For some it’s a player that refuses to stop playing - and not your problem.

Messages:

- Not Ready…yet

- Twin Flame 🔥

GROUNDING 🪨

- Stability & Security

- Performance

- Growth & Endurance

Don’t let anyone control you spiritually or in any other way. You are the master of your chart.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius & Aries

Couples:

The relationship: 6 Swords

The problem: The High Priestess

What to do about it: The Hanged Man

I assume you’ve broken up, there’s no communication going on between you and you’re both moving on. Something has become too much and you/they are done talking to the other person because they’re the sort that isn’t reliable. You can’t trust them. You’d be waiting for nothing. They’re the sort of person that runs away from you, responsibility, growth, maturity, maybe just long lasting things. They be runnin’ and that’s not something you can commit to long-term. Or they be runnin’ because this is over and they’re avoiding you like the plague /switch. Or they just be runnin’ generally, like this is the person with 15 Facebook pages they change up every month, it’s always a new phone or they stay with people here and there but it’s always some story, not just this person lives at X address. How could you even contact them? Do you even want to?

The leaving itself feels like a painful experience, Wheel of Fortune rev can show bad luck, karma, things feeling outside of your control. Like “why is this happening?” And you can’t know anything except “it’s supposed to.” This could be piggybacking off the single post for someone, heavy mutable energy again, especially Sagittarius. The problem is giving each other the silent treatment, or secrets possibly. How can things improve if no one is speaking to each other? You could feel there’s unfinished business but they’re running the other direction & what can you do? Or switch. You’re not on the same page 📑 for sure.

What to do about the silent treatment is to try to see the bright ☀️ side, by thinking of all of the things you don’t like about them/this, which makes me laugh. Clearly these things exist that you don’t like, Spirit is like “why are you unhappy?” Like you didn’t like any of these things anyway, right? Maybe they’re doing you a favor. They want you to really dive in and see both of you for who you are - how does this person not vibe with you? That means they can’t or won’t change, most likely. There are things about them you don’t want, and it seems here that by knowing what you don’t want, you’ll be that much closer to manifesting what you DO want - being The Magician you are 🪄

Messages:

- GET NAKED

- I can’t stay.

THE SNAKE 🐍

- Competition & Enemy

- The Other Woman

- Look Over Your Shoulder

Prayer is very powerful, but your life can be a living prayer.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Sagittarius, Pisces, Capricorn & Cancer

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 478, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) neonatal death

WORDS: 1828

I began to hum a soft song as I washed the dishes in the kitchen sink. Normally, Peter would do the chore, but he was a bit busy at the moment wrangling the kids out in the backyard at my insistent.

“Go on now, my love,” I had urged him with one hand on our unborn daughter. “Go and be a daddy to our kids.”

“As my wife commands of me,” he had rumbled before corralling the family out into the backyard, Mittens and Daisy close behind as Primrose curled up in Mitten’s cat bed in the back family room.

“In this town that we call home, everyone sings to the full blood moon!” I hang out softly as I shut the water off to pick up my wedding ring. I had always loved this simple piece of jewelry with its Celtic knotwork around the otherwise undecorated rose gold band. It fit my hand quite well and was a perfect indicator of our neverending love for one another.

I blinked through a sudden sneeze, my hand going to grab onto my ring as it flew out of my hands and darted down the sink drain. Without even thinking, I plunged my hand down the drain.

I relaxed once my fingers were gripping my marital band, my smile vanishing when I tried to withdraw from around the garbage disposal.

“PETER!”

Pause

STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP came my husband as he flew back into the house, dropping his earmuffs and scarf onto the floor as he checked in on my crying, stuck form.

“Sweetheart, oh my sweetheart,” he whimpered. “Are you alright?”

I’m stuck daddy I was unable to speak, with how much I was crying, with giant ugly sobs being ripping from my chest as he smiled at me, opening the cabinet doors to the plumbing just below the sink and crawling underneath to get to work on getting me unstuck.

“Okay sweetheart, I unplugged the garbage disposal, so you can let go and pull out now,” he coaxed him, running his thumb around my tight fist. “I’ll catch whatever’s in your hands, alright?”

Alright daddy.

I released my wedding band and yanked free, shuffling backwards as Peter scooted free of the underbowels of the sink, grinning at me as he presented me with the troublesome ring.

“I got it, sweetheart!” he told me, slipping the ring back onto my finger, taking my hand and bringing it up to it mouth to press sweet kisses to my soulmarked skin with a faint smile on his bearded face. “Are you okay now?”

I am now, I told him with my eyes, leaning into him with a soft coo as I suddenly realized how exhausted I felt.

Peter chuckled as I slumped into him, standing and heading back upstairs to tuck me in for a nap. I loved how safe and warm I would get whenever my handsome older husband would touch me, knowing that he would give his life to make sure that me, the kids and the pets were safe.

I love you.

“Yeah?” he chortled as he set me into bed and then tugged the blankets up over me. “Well, I love you.”

I cooed as he went to start up the fireplace, his handsome face heating up with the sudden rush of flames that appeared as he situated the room.

“I’ll bring the kids back inside in a little bit, alright?” he told me as Primrose bound into the room, clearly having a case of skunkie zoomies. “Hihi Primrose. Can you do me a really big favor and keep an eye on mommy and Baby Violet Marie for me?”

He scooped up the little skunk and plopped her onto the bed, watching fondly as she formed a makeshift little burrow out of the blankets and pillows before stuffing herself into her safe corner.

MISSION ACCEPTED, she practically screamed as she closed her eyes and settled in for a nap with a soft purr.

“Good skunkie,” he murmured. “Hey, do you know how little girl’s daddies are doing? They’re in France helping James’ family out right? Remind me.”

“James’ great grandmother Rosemary died at age one hundred and nine about a month and a half ago,” I told him as I rolled onto my side and got comfortable once more. “There’s a lot of estate and medical to go through and stuff, but Aaron texts me once a week with updates and with updates and little jokes and the other likes.”

“One hundred and nine years old-” Peter wheezed. “Sweetheart, I hope I don’t live to be so old.”

“Well, I don’t want to live in a world where you don’t exist,” I answered in a soft voice.

“Fuck- sweetheart, that’s not what I meant at all,” he sighed, kneeling on the bed and cupping at the side of my face with a soft coo. “I want you to grow old and gray and wrinkled and die peacefully in your sleep. What I meant was that I don’t want to the be the last of my friends, our combined families to die. Do you understand that reasoning?”

“You don’t want to die alone,” I interpreted his words with a sleepy moan. “My love, you won’t die alone- when you die, I will die right next to you. Like in The Notebook.”

“Sweetheart, our love story is absolutely nothing like The Notebook,” he chuckled, gazing at me with pure worship in his eyes. “We are not toxic and abusive towards one another, our love is true and beautiful because fate decided to mate the two of us to one another. If we die together holding each other, then so be it.”

“I love you, Peter Thomas Ratajczyk,” I told him as I shut my eyes and quickly drifted off to sleep.

“I love you too, amazing blueberry of my heart.”

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