#this book is making me think that if i didn't feel any empathy at all (value neutral quality) i'd have succeeded in customer service

[gideonisms]

reading convenience store woman and this woman's internal experience of the world makes total sense. They should make more strange and off-putting women (complimentary) to work entry level jobs for years. we can manifest some more if we all work together

[spxfav]

Orange

Summary: Post Tobias Hankel Spencer, struggling to stop taking dilaudid and spiralling in darkness finds light in the one he loves most <3

Warnings: Anxiety, drug dependency, panic attacks, depression (I think that's it, please let me know if I missed any)

Word count: 3.2k

a/n: Hi guys! This is my first time writing something longer than a bot for Spencer, so I really really hope you'll like it! The way I chose to portray his depression and anxiety here is very much based on how I experienced it, so this is very important to me. Let me know if you'd like a part two! Enjoy!

Spencer was wasting away, fading. His dark eyes no longer shone like they used to. His pretty smile was now a rare sight to see. His nerdy contributions to conversations were now scarce - that is, if he ever interacted with anyone anymore.

He felt hollow, no longer being motivated to do anything but the one thing he knew he shouldn't. Dilaudid.

That little bottle now went everywhere with him. The flask and the demons that haunted him after Tobias, clinging to him and punishing him for whatever bad thing he had done to deserve this. And he was sure he had done something. He just couldn't understand why so many bad things kept happening to him, following him from his childhood to his adult years. Even with all the science in the world, the only explanation plausible enough was that he had done something terrible in his past life and was now paying for it.

Despite the leave Hotch let him take having ended two days ago, he still hadn't shown up to work. This was new to him. He'd always loved going to the bureau, even if it was just for paperwork. Now, he could barely read three lines out of his favourite book.

Time was blurry, a haze of sobering up and searching the high once again with pauses destined for the bathroom and occasionally to eat - when his stomach hurt enough to remind him he had to. Apart from that, he never left his bed, hopelessly wishing he could sleep without being hunted by the flashbacks of his time in that shed, of the splinters he wasn't able to remove after digging his own grave. His hands were now raw in the parts he had scrubbed out the skin to take the little wooden pieces off of him. He barely felt it. He barely even felt anything.

He knew it wasn't rational, but the empathy and guilt he felt for the man who kidnapped him was so intense it did nothing but contribute to his numb state.

So, alone, he spent his days, going through flask after flask of the forbidden liquid, cursing himself for not being strong enough to stop and wishing Tobias had never reanimated him back at the cemetery.

Naturally, after dealing with a schizophrenic mother all alone as a child, and being forced to grow up faster than he should have, he fiercely believed he had to solve this problem alone, like he's always done.

You, however, didn't. With the many gift baskets sent by Penelope and the sweet voice that was enough to make his demons dissipate - at least while you talked -, the time you spent sitting by his locked door always left him feeling somewhat relieved.

Sitting on the cold hardwood floor with sweaty damp hair clinging to his forehead, Spencer listened quietly as you talked, not giving you any hint that he was there. Part of him didn't believe he deserved those acts of kindness from you, so he hid himself in the shadows, and, as if forbidden, served as audience to your stories about events he missed. He noticed, even in his usually drugged state, that you tried your best to lighten up the stories, probably afraid to trigger something in him. If only you knew there was no need for a trigger.

x

It was a Wednesday, and the pouring rain that came through the window he forgot to close and got him and his bed soaked was almost enough to make him give up on the day, even if he had been up for only two minutes and 28 seconds.

But he couldn't. Because giving up would mean he'd have to sit in the wet sheets all day, and despite everything, he still had issues with the feeling of wet things against his skin.

Dragging himself out of bed, he gave up on the challenge of changing the sheets and settled for his sofa instead.

"I'm changing ambiens. This is improving."

The lie of getting better was more of a sentence he said as a form to attract it, though he never made the effort to stop himself from deteriorating further. That was merely an excuse for the voice in the back of his mind to scold him further. It started with his incapability of getting clean. Then, his lack of shower. After, came the barely eating and now, the sulking in bed - or in this case, the sofa.

His mood was as gray and dull as the weather, and the sound of the rain falling did little to comfort him through the many nightmares plagued naps that he eventually gave up on. This was the moment of the day he went to his bedside table and retrieved the little ornate box with the needles and the bottles of the clear liquid. This was the moment of peace, of relief.

His mind was hazy, clouded by the momentary pleasure only the dilaudid was able to provide when the familiar knock on the door came.

“Hi Spence.” You said, your honey, homey voice wafting through the apartment and reaching his ears.

Automatically, he stumbled across the living room, and, in an all but gracious way, dropped by the door. That was the first time you heard him move inside as you talked to him, and as minimal as it was, it brought a smile to your face.

“I think I heard you fall. Knock twice if you’re hurt.”

No knocks. So, he was okay. Or as much as possible.

“The day was boring. No new cases today.” You start talking, the daily briefing session that grew more and more important to his weary mind filling the previously silent apartment, your voice sounding like a melody to his stoned brain.

“But I thought of you.” His ears perked up, his spine straightening as he focused intently on the next words.

“Can you believe there was no sugar for the coffee? Not in the coffee station, not anywhere in the building.” It was silly. Stupid. But it made you think of him, and if he was on your mind, he was happy.

“That’s absurd.” He murmurs, a little out of it.

You freeze, too surprised that he said something this time. It was the first time you heard him speak in almost two weeks. It was muffled, and too low for you to understand, but it was words, and that was better than nothing.

“It is.” You say, trying not to draw much attention to the fact that he spoke. You didn’t want to scare him away.

“What happened next?” He asked quietly, almost as if talking to you was a mistake. To him, it was actually a privilege he didn’t deem himself worthy of.

“Garcia went down to a local coffee shop with Emily and they stole a bunch of packets for us. They came back running as if they had stolen a bank.” You say and chuckle, hearing the faintest of laughs inside from him. He was laughing. That was good. Amazing, actually.

“Good. Can’t imagine being without sugar.” He murmurs, and you couldn’t see the small smile on his lips at the first sign of normalcy after so long in the dark.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure when you get back there’ll be as much sugar as you want.”

Silence.

You wait, and wait, and wait, but he doesn’t speak again.

“Spence?” You ask, and the only other sound you hear that day is him getting up and stumbling away.

x

“When you get back.”

Those words plagued him for the rest of the day, which he spent locked up in his room to try and muffle your voice as you continued talking on the other side of his front door. Just the thought of it terrified him.

At first, he imagined it was out of fear of living something like his experience with Hankel again. But when he passed by the mirror in the bathroom and saw how he looked, he understood the real reason.

Deep dark circles. Hollow cheeks. Lifeless eyes. Hair greasier than it had ever been in his whole life. Pajamas stained with food he couldn’t identify. Grown out beard. He had gotten used to the smell by now, but he was sure it would be strong to anyone else.

He was disgusting. Gross.

Useless. Undeserving. A junkie.

His breathing quickened, but it was like no air came. One shaky hand moved to his heart, feeling the fast and strong beats. It felt like drums in a rock song. Like the cart of a rollercoaster against the rails. Like horses running freely.

Except there was no freedom. He felt trapped, desperate. Hopeless.

And as he fell to the ground and tears pricked his eyes, he was sure he might die.

No one will understand. No one will try to understand.

Suddenly death didn’t seem so bad. But just like it happened so many times before in his life, it was an easy way out. And nothing was easy for him.

So, fifteen minutes later, the needle in his arm was the only thing capable of taming the panic attack that still coursed through his veins.

x

When he rolled around on his bed, sweating from the nightmare, the room was spinning. Or maybe it was just his brain.

Either way, the open box on the bedside table, the not discarded needle and the torniquet still on his arm were explanation enough for what had happened the night before. He exaggerated. Again.

The day after these episodes were always the worst. Sickness, dizziness. Loss of strength in his muscles. That was also when the thoughts got worse.

It was ironic, really, that he went through almost a whole flask in hopes of drowning the voices only to wake up with them stronger than ever. It was a cycle. But then again, wasn’t all of this?

The world was a blur, a mix of living nightmares and not very healthy thoughts, and in the end, he caught himself wishing you’d show up.

Laughing, whispers of love and beautiful promises. That was how the world was around you. And even through the thick wood of his front door, he was still selfish enough to crave a glimpse of the Heaven you held in your hands; of the salvation from this twisted reality he found himself trapped in.

Spencer wasn’t the most emotional of men. In fact, before you, all his research pointed to him lacking the brain connections that allowed one to feel anything remotely romantic. He was sure he was okay without love, and he was sure he would always be.

But then you came, and it was like buying his first glasses all over again: suddenly the world was clear, and so much more beautiful.

It was hard for him to describe what he felt. He could only think of one simple way to put it. It was all orange.

x

“Hi, Spence” The melody of the notes that compose your voice echoed around the apartment, making the faintest of smiles bloom in his face.

For the past three days, you had managed to make him talk more and more. At first, it was weird. Alone in his apartment, the only things his walls had heard in the past few weeks were his terrorized nightly screams and the incoherent mumbles that occasionally made themselves present.

“Listen, I brought you something” You say and wait to see if he had any contributions. When he remains quiet, you continue. “I called your mom’s facility” His eyes shot open, and he sat up straighter on the floor. “Don’t worry, I didn’t say anything. I figured if someone was to tell, it should be you” The simple reassurance was enough to calm him down the slightest. “I called to ask her for the recipe of those peppermint cookies you told me about a few months ago.”

The smell of baked sugar filled the small kitchen. Days like these were good. Days when his mom was okay. When she was his mom again, and he had the freedom to be the child his seven-year-old self deserved to be.

“I made some” Your voice cuts through the first good memory h’s had since everything went down. “I’m sure they’re not as good as hers, but they’re not bad either. I have them here, I could drop them off with the baskets Penelope brought and yo-“

The sudden movement of the door opening catches you by surprise as you stumble back, no longer having a surface to rest your back on.

He opened the door. He really opened the door.

Spencer stood there, looking down at you and seeming even more surprised than you did. His eyes flickered over your form, heart beating faster. God, how he missed the sight of this angel.

He looked different from what you remembered. Dark stubble covering his face, messy and greasy hair, sleeves rolled up to reveal an arrangement of needle punctures. For a moment, neither of you say a word, simply taking in the sight of the one person you each missed more than breathing. That was when Spencer realised it. He’d rather die in that shed a thousand times more than go another day without seeing your face. The pictures he had really did you no justice, not when you looked more beautiful than a diamond, with its carbon atoms so perfectly aligned, creating what is believed to be one of the most precious objects on Earth. You didn’t even compare to that.

“You made me cookies?” He asks, looking down at the little box in your hands, the faint smell of the cookies reaching his nose.

“Yes. Yes, I did. They’re still a bit warm, I baked them before coming here.” You stand up, quickly enough to drop your blood pressure slightly, but not enough to startle him.

When he takes the box from your hands and, without another word, walks inside leaving the door open for you. There’s no hesitation in your steps as you follow him in. And the sight that welcomes you is nothing but heartbreaking. His once so perfectly organized place – at least according to the system only he understood – was now a mess. There were books on the floor, take-out boxes on every table, dirty clothes on the floor.

He wafted through the chaos, eyes never leaving the box as he opened it and threw himself on the sofa. Carefully, he picks up a cookie, and after an experimental bite, a single tear rolls down his face. Then another, and another, and another until the dam breaks and he is full on sobbing on the sofa, crushing the cookie as his hands close into fists and his shoulders shake.

Your heart, shattered already, breaks even further, and when you sit next to him, you feel shocked as he falls into your arms. His arms are tucked between your bodies, his face buried on your chest, and you don’t have the heart to tell him he smells the tiniest bit. No, not now. You could tell him he needed a shower when he didn’t look like a vulnerable child, climbing on your lap.

“It’s okay… shh…” His brain barely registers your comforting words, too busy paying attention to the way your fingers card through his hair without a hint of disgust. He knew he loved the right person, especially because of moments like this. You were just… perfect. It was cliché, but Spencer genuinely could not think of any other way of describing you.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” His voice was almost inaudible, filled with a gut-wrenching guilt for doing this to you. “I’m s-sorry”

“Don’t be. It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here” Your voice, the soft murmur of reassurance breaks him even further, relieving him of the pressure of the guilt he had been feeling for so long.

That day, he cried until he fell asleep in your arms. Not for a second did you let go of him, your hands always gentle and loving as you caressed his hair. For the first time in two weeks and four days, he slept with no nightmares.

x

The sound of steps moving around his apartment was the first thing he registered when he woke up. Rubbing his eyes and sitting up on the couch, he looked around, groggy and with his head pounding from crying.

You had your back turned to him as you cleaned his kitchen, the smell of something in the oven making his stomach growl slightly. Then he notices it. No clothes on the floor. No takeout boxes around. Books neatly on the shelves. You had cleaned his place while he slept.

For a minute, he simply watches you, dark eyes following your movements around the kitchen as you wash and dry dishes. Then you turn, and the small, concerned smile that forms on your lips as you walk closer is enough to send his heart racing in his chest again.

“You’re up. How did you sleep?” You ask, stopping behind the couch as your fingers lovingly brush his messy hair out of his face.

“Fine. How long was I out?” He asks and clears his throat, voice slightly gruff.

“About three hours. I didn’t want to wake you, so I cleaned up. And made dinner. You still like lasagna, right?”

His eyes stare directly at your face, and for a moment, he considers a crazy theory.

Maybe he had died that day in the shed. He died, and the last couple of days were his time spent in some sort of imbo. But now he was in Heaven. That had to be it. As irrational as it was, how else could he explain the presence of an angel in front of him so suddenly? Besides, he always thought that if the Realm of God was a real place, if his paradise was real, you’d be there.

“Spencer?” He blinks, and the world still has a happy veil over it when his eyelids open and his irises meet your face again.

“Yes. Yes, I like lasagna.” He nods, eyes fixed on you.

Maybe life wasn’t so bad after all.

x

The door closed behind you, and the illusion left just as fast. The light that seemed to follow you was gone, his world buried in darkness and numbness again. Your presence made him feel so light as you talked his ears off today. He didn’t mind. Not when he smiled more in a couple of hours than in the last two weeks. Not when you two were sitting so close, cuddling on the couch. Not when your lasagna had tasted like the best dish he ever ate.

But now you were gone, and all that is left for him to do is climb back in bed. His sheets are clean now – you changed them – and the overused pajamas on his body feel sinful against the fabric. What was meant to be a good thing only served to send him spiraling again, and as most nights, this one ended with a small pinch and the sting of the liquid as he applied it on his forearms.

Who knows? Maybe the delusions would bring you back tonight.

[cherries-in-wine]

𝑷𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒗𝒊𝒓𝒈𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒖𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒔 ‧₊ ☁️⋅♡ ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

People call Vladimir Nabokov a disgusting creep for writing from the perspective of a pedophile when in reality if you read the book, Humbert Humbert is not likeable in the slightest. He's an unreliable narrator that's so stuck in his own delusions that he can't see how miserable dolores is because of him. Nabokov is a great writer and lolita is really well written. It's a great satire in the sense that it's pathetic to see Humbert Humbert think he's sooo charming and these "nymphets" are soooo in love with him. Dolores' trauma is obvious to any competent reader, I don't know how people are so charmed by Humbert Humbert that they can't see how dolores' defiance which he refers to as "teenage rebellion" or "tantrums" is a very apparent cry for help. Lolita is a Gothic horror, a cautionary tale. It's a genius work of art and what's most horrific about it is how society reacted to it, how it's so normalised to sexualise little girls that blatant pedophilia is interpreted as a tragic love story. Nabokov himself referred to dolores as his "poor little girl". He had a lot of empathy for her and it must be so heartbreaking to see her getting sexualised.

When I first read the virgin suicides i thought it was a great work of satire. I adore the Lisbon girls with all my heart, I see a part of myself in all of them by varying degrees. The boys who claimed they loved these girls, only saw them as some fantasy. Even in death they never truly respected any of these girls. How when they found Cecelia's diary, instead of trying to make sense of why she killed herself, they selfishly searched for their own names. I loved the irony of the boys claiming they loved these girls when they didn't know anything about them. It showed how their "love" was really shallow and surface level. I thought Jeffrey Eugenides really understood me in that sense. But in reality he didn't mean any of the things the boys did to be interpreted as satire. According to him, peaking through windows, stealing used tampons, joking about groping dead girls, these grown men still picturing those little girls years later while they had sex with their wives etc was supposed to show that teenage boys are not disgusting horny dogs, but romantic softies (if anything this made me think teenage boys are much more repulsive than i thought). According to Eugenides the book is satire, but in the sense that you never know what was going through a person's head when they committed suicide and you can't make sense of it no matter how hard you try. Everything about how the boys viewed the girls was not satire and was to be taken at face value. This really broke my heart, an author who i thought really did get me and understood me, ended up making me feel watched instead of seen.

It's so interesting how lolita which is supposed to be from the perspective of an unreliable narrator was taken at face value and the virgin suicides which was to be taken at face value was perceived as satire.

The director of Lolita didn't get her at all, even he thought she was some kind of a seductress instead of a child that was abused repeatedly. While the virgin suicides movie was so much better than the book, Sofia Coppola, the director, understood the Lisbon girls so well and she did them justice.

[flanaganfilm]

I heard "Wind Through the Keyhole" is your favorite Dark Tower novel. What makes it your favorite? It's my second favorite, after Wizard and Glass, and I was surprised most other fans didn't like it as much as I did. Although I did read in right after Wizard and Glass since I start reading after everything was released, maybe it would be a different experience coming to it after finishing everything else.

There's something about The Wind Through the Keyhole that just breaks me. I adore all the books, of course, and of the big seven, Wizard and Glass is also my favorite. But Keyhole is a fascinating coda, a beautiful reunion, and a devastating goodbye.

Because it came out after the others, there is a sense of homecoming that kicks in right away, as you find yourself reunited with these characters you love so much, who have yet to find their fates. The ka-tet is unbroken. It is that rare, beautiful, impossible thing that we all yearn for - a chance to be with those we've lost again, and to see them as we prefer to remember them. I started crying in the first chapter.

The story itself feels like a lullaby, a beautiful little epilogue that ties together all of the themes of the other books and distills them into their most pure, potent form. There are lines of dialogue and prose in this that pierce me, and encapsulate even the most elusive emotions from the journey of The Dark Tower. Here are just a few passages that tattooed themselves on my heart while reading:

--

“What if I fall?', Tim cried.

Maerlyn laughed. 'Sooner or later, we all do.”

--

“It was not fair, it was not fair, it was not fair. So cried his child's heart, and then his child's heart died a little. For that is also the way of the world.”

--

“Time is a keyhole, he thought as he looked up at the stars. Yes, I think so. We sometimes bend and peer through it. And the wind we feel on our cheeks when we do - the wind that blows through the keyhole - is the breath of all the living universe.” --

“In the end, the wind takes everything, doesn't it? And why not? Why other? If the sweetness of our lives did not depart, there would be no sweetness at all.”

-- And finally, my favorite quote from the book:

“The two most beautiful words in any language are: I forgive.” That's the thing about this book - it is full of forgiveness, and empathy, and looks back at the road behind us with older, wiser eyes. It deepens and somehow completes Roland, Eddie, Susannah, and Jake. The Dark Tower (book 7) gives us final mental images of them, and even admonishes us to "remember them well, like this," but I find myself remembering them in Keyhole more than anything, sitting at the fire, lost in a story. The final moments as they walk on, wading back into the raging river of the story I know so well and toward their inevitable fates, gives me a sense of loss, of love, and of things being right. Ka is a wheel, and I feel it turn twice in the series. At the very end of Book 7, for sure, but also here - I feel the wheel turn in Wind Through the Keyhole in a profound way, and find myself moved as I huddle with these characters on one small spoke of that wheel, reveling in the kind of stolen reunion we only dream of in life.

It's a thoughtful, mature, beautiful look back, and for me it somehow ties the whole enterprise together in a way I could never have expected. The Dark Tower isn't complete without this book, and in a lot of ways, this book reveals the soul of the journey more clearly than the others. Just speaking for myself, of course, and I imagine mileage may vary. But this one brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye, maybe because it carries all the other books with it.

[rei-ismyname]

UNCANNY X-MEN #5 From The Ashes

First of all, I should acknowledge that something I've been calling a missed opportunity has received an attempt on page - the X-Men killing in FotHox, specifically Kurt. It's a single line and doesn't make a lot of sense, trying to have cake and eat it too by nodding to it in issue 5 but not meaningfully engaging with the recent past. Kurt did NOT think he was a killer, ever. That's just a bad faith reading of the text. He was in a war against genocidal fascists, come on.

Cool new form for Calico, though.

Kurt putting his sword/s away doesn't quite cut it. Errol Flynn swashbuckling has been an influence on him since he was a child and he's been big on sword usage almost since the beginning of his publication history. It's his thing, and he badly needs personality in FTA. Also, he didn't kill anyone with a sword in Fall, he teleported them into space. Swords parry and block, they disarm and intimidate. They have use outside of combat. They look cool, and it's something Kurt is very good at. So yeah, the barest attempt was made, but it didn't land for me. There could have been space to set it up and sell it too, perhaps by toning down the Charles Xavier/Sarah flashbacks that were ultimately just a fakeout.

Speaking of things that were given lip service in issue 5 and could have benefited from more attention, Jubilee told us who she is - kinda. A panel or two of origin story that was established in the 90s, but nothing about why she's here or what she wants out of life. How she feels about the loss of Krakoa, where the hell her baby, Shogo, is. It fits in with Uncanny's overarching sense of unfocusedness and her role could have been performed by anyone - not a good look for the end of the flagship book's first arc.

We get the resolution to and defeat of Sarah Gaunt. 'She's crazy, always has been' is so unsatisfying. I can't think of any other description. It's nice that we don't have another sin to lay at Xavier's door, but attempted baby trap is not a frequently used trope for a reason. She acknowledges she was lying, but then blames him for the loss of her son years later in a different country - then transfers that hatred to all mutants? Comicsxf have criticised her characterisation as 'Monstrous Mother' and I agree. What was the point of giving it so much space, to the extent that we spent more time in the past than with most of our putative main characters? She beat the shit out of Logan and Rogue the last two issues, nearly killing them - only for Rogue to draw strength from deus ex dead kid and completely wipe her out. It's lovely that Rogue is able to summon empathy for her, it shows us why she's a hero, but taken as an arc she's rewarded with victory despite making bad decisions. Long time readers know Rogue can lead, but I think Gail Simone is going to have to do the work to convince new readers that she's right for this. It's well and good to have moral authority but leading your team to death isn't.

Harvey X was unexpected but felt unearned. Surprise is fun but internal and narrative consistency is better. I thought it was Charles moving people around, because it was signposted. Harvey X being the puppet master felt almost silly as he revealed previously unseen very powerful abilities. Why would he wait for Rogue and Logan to be nearly dead to act? Maybe that's the only time he can act, because he's dead? Idk, at least he didn't scream how hot Rogue is again. He speaks about a sacrifice he's making but what sacrifice is that? Is his power finite and burns him out, Proteus-style? It's not quite clear, and I guess we'll never see him again.

Precognition. Healing. Telepathy.

Gambit and the Eye of Agamotto was a Chekhov's Gun that mostly worked (and made me feel sah smart for calling it.) Remy prays (?) to it and then blows the possessed cultists away. I'm pretty sure Jubilee could make a bigger boom than that (I know she can) but rule of cool wins the day.

These are/were captured and possessed mutants. I hope we see them again, especially after Fawn's introduction in #1. They're not doing this willingly.

Rogue flies to meet Warden Ellis to give her Sarah back, further muddling Ellis' characterisation. I have no idea what she's about now. Nuance is good in antagonists, but for someone who wants to crush mutants with her government mandate she's awfully cooperative with them. No threats, no riddles, no ultimatum, just meekly accepting two threats? I want to give a fuck about the closest thing we have to an antagonist (for a crossover event right around the corner) but there's nothing there! This was an opportunity for something, anything. Gah! I don't understand this writing.

Rogue's threat is interesting, though I have to wonder what she and Scott are going to disagree about. It's implied Jubilee will get captured, and we know Beast already has been. 2/3 X-Men teams have their motivation to wreck Graymalkin I just struggle to see them coming to blows over it.

Rogue and her elocution lessons feel very out of character and came out of nowhere. If it was setup earlier and tied to insecurity or identity that would work, but being introduced and haphazardly paid off in issue 5 baffles me, frankly. Rogue's southern upbringing is never something she's been ashamed of, her angst has almost always been related to her powers. She's a confident woman. A story where she struggles with that could have legs, but that's not the story that's been told. She certainly doesn't need Gambit or Logan to tell her - I'd expect it to be the other way around.

I'm not sure what to make of the images we get from Harvey X's visions of the future. I'll write about them separately if I find an interesting hook.

So ends the first arc of Uncanny X-Men volume whatever. My main issue is that it doesn't meaningfully engage with what came before it, and it doesn't quite manage to establish its own identity either. What is its mission statement and what kind of book can we expect? I don't know, and I hope Gail Simone does. It's not the end of the world, mind you. Following Krakoa was always going to be tough, and the world was going to feel smaller, less connected. I can't help but wonder what it might have felt like without a lot of Charles Xavier flashbacks amounting to nothing. Maybe we'd know more about Kurt or Jubilee, even the Outliers. Ideally that'll be corrected. I don't do number ratings so I'll just say it was okay, higher if you are a Rogue stan.

[ancha-aus]

Double Trouble... switched?

A tiny little thing for a lovely artist who's comics and art brings me much joy and inspiration.

Inspired by the lovely: @somegrumpynerd

And specifically this post, and this comic :3

Have fun :D

Warning, Very unedited and just me having fun ;P

(also most work was actually finding the posts to make the links work now enjoy this fanfic of which I will admit it took a few hours but I will not tell you how many words as I got no idea. Because I wrote the whole thing on tumblr and got no word counter here. Enjoy :D)

.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Dream knew something was wrong the moment he woke up.

His magic... it was being prickled by something. Over and over and over. It felt a bit like the sting of negativity but different.

That can't be right.

Drema struggled to full awareness as his mind tried to think of the reason why he felt the way he did.

Normally he only felt these type of prinkles and pain when he was near a lot of negativity but it had to be a lot a lot. As in, Nightmare using his own aura to fight him a lot.

But as he used his own magic of empathy he only felt a soft contentment and easy happiness in the air.

Had... Had the fight with Nightmare have afteraffects after all?!

They last fight, the one of the day before, had left Dream drained and tired. Nightmare and him had been fighting and Dream had tried to use his aura to get Nightmare to stay still and listen to him. Dream hadn't expected Nightmare to use his own magic aura. More surprising had been the fact that Nightmare's aura didn't clash with his own but instead reached him. It had burned and as Dream had said, he felt drained afterwards.

Dream hadn't thought too much off it. Especially as Nightmare had seemed exhausted and confused by it as well and he had quickly retreated afterwards.

But maybe Dream had been wrong.

Why else would he still feel this discomfort when there was nothing but positivity around him?

Dream groans as he finally manages to sit up in the very soft bed with many many pillows. Weird, Dream didn't have this many pillows on his bed and neither does Blue. Maybe Ink painted some more for them? Thoguth Ink rarely joined in on their sleepovers and Dream can't remember seeing Ink the day before.

Worse is that he feels disbalanced. Nothing feels right at the moment and the discomfort is making him cranky. He should just find Blue. Blue always makes everything better and has great ideas on what to try.

Yes, his best friend will help.

Dream opens his sockets only to stare in shock.

This... is not his room.

It isn't any room he recognizes.

It is a large beautiful place with a large, very large, bed with way too many pillows and soft blankets. There is a large bookcase just filled with books. The curtains are dark and shut. Next to him is a tiny alarm clock which reads that it is still very early in the morning.

Something else about his vision is off but Dream can't quite place it. Something that should be obvious but he can't make sense of it. He turns to the side and reaches for the bed only to freeze.

That is corruption. On his hand. And arm.

Dream feels himself start to panic as his soul pulses fast. Oh no. Oh no. What happened?! Calm down. Calm down-

Then he sees one of those corruption tentacles nad Dream flinches away, only to completely loose his balance and fall over sideways with a quiet yelp.

He lays frozen but can't feel any curiosity or hear anyone react.

He is starting to have an idea where he is and he isn't sure how to feel about this.

He slowly crawls to the side of the bed, only to keep misjudging the distance and he thinks he lost his depth perception which isn't good news.

He manages to get out of bed and only slightly panics at the sight of his own legs covered in corruption. Are it his own legs even?!

Dream pushes himself upright only almost fall over and he has to grab one of the poles of the large four poster bed to catch himself. He looks over his shoulder and is confronted with the sight of four tentacles shifting and idling behind him, all seemingly coming from his own back.

Dream takes a few unsteady steps and softly curses the way this feels. How does Nightmare DEAL with his tentacles?! How does he deal with the extra weight of it on his spine?! Dream already feels uncomfortable.

Dream manages to get to one of the two doors and opens it. He lets out a sigh of relieve when sees the bathroom. He flicks on the ligth in the room and manages to get to the mirror.

There in the mirror stands Nightmare. Staring at him in absolute shock.

Dream... Is in Nightmare's body.

Which means.

He is not at home.

Dream is in Nightmare's home.

-------

Nightmare tries to walk wiht confidence but it still takes effort to not overbalance for his lacking extra limbs.

When he woke up feeling comfortable and energised he had immediantly panic. He normally only felt that after they managed to make an universe fall fully into negativity and shift the balance.

Feeling that at home meant his boys felt unhappy and miserable and he would not have that.

Imagion his surprise when he sat up only to be in a completely different room and after a glance outside to realise he was in the Omega Timeline.

The one place he never had managed to get somekind of access too.

Nightmare wanted out right now because it didn't take a genius to figure out what happened.

Dream's and his magic had interacted strangly and connected with each other. Both had felt drained. Now Nightmare was in Dream's body.

Meaning, Dream was most likely in Nightmare's body. Meaning Dream was in Nightmare's hideout with his boys.

Nightmare didn't have time to panic or to have a crisis. He needed to somehow get to his own body and make them switch back. His minions needed constant supervision and management. Nightmare only just got Dust to agree to set an alarm clock and Horror had been improving with overeating.

He needed to get to them.

Which meant.

Be the perfect Dream so no one would think something was wrong and enable him to sneak out and search for himself.

This is starting to get annoying.

Nightmare had gotten dressed in Dream's clothes and got ready to leave.

Only for Blue to have shown up.

Which is what brought Nightmare to were he was now. Trying and struggling to maintain a facade he hadn't had time to prepare.

"You sure you are okay Dream?" Blue keeps staring at him as if he expects Nightmare to just spill the beans.

Wait. Does Dream do that? Does Dream just tell Blue everything? Probably right? But what do they normally talk about?

Nightmare is honestly unsure what it is that is between his brother and Blue. Nightmare knows that Blue and Dream are always together and Dream seems rather protective about Blue.

Nightmare realises he is taking too long to answer and puffs up his chest and speaks, being thankful for the small amount of luck there is for him in this multiverse that the voice he speaks with still sounds like Dream "Of course I am alright! It is a wonderful day and I want to spend it heloing others!" Dream and his ever need to please people and be liked.

Blue continues to grin at him, one brow slightly raised "Wowie! you are in a good mood today! Happy to hear you seem alright after the fight from yesterday."

Nightmare nods "But of course! Now! Lets get to work." and he starts walking. Only slightly falling fore over as he tries to balance for soemthign that isn't there.

"Dream!" Blue is by his side and tries to help him upright. The worry around him is slightly surprising.

Nightmare holds up a hand as he tries, and succeeds to steady himself. Old memories return of how to walk without his tendrils. He got this. "I am fine. Just a slight misstep... shall we?" Wait, how does Dream speak anyone? All the interactions Nightmare can remember were from them in battle. Which Ngihtmare knows is not a good reference for when you speak casually with others. The last interactions that Nightmare had with Dream wihtout fighting were... were from back at the tree... when both had been 6 and before their magical growth.

...

Ngihtmare doubts Dream still acts as his six year old self, even if he sometimes seems just as naiev to the world.

Blue frowns at him "If you are sure. You sure you want to go out already?"

Nightmare nods "But of course!"

Blue gives him another grin "Well. If you are sure. Let's go!"

----------------

Dream doesn't know what to do or say.

What do you say to your enemies when you are suddenly in their boss's body, who happens to be your twin. like. How do you decide what to say?

Dream tries to remain quiet and just watch. That is probabyl what Ngihtmare does right? Just watch and glare and tell them to not bother him?

Their happiness is burning him. That he has realised.

Dream had wanted to tell them he is going to take a moment for himself but then second guessed himself. How much would Nightmare tell them? Would he tell them that their happiness burns him? Would he be honest? Would he even tell them? Or would he just stand up and leave? Were those four expecting him to give them orders? To tell them what to do? Or would a simple 'go do your work' do?

Drema had never realised that positivity burned his brother this badly.

Did... did that mean that being around Dream burned him as well? That going near him at all in battle was as if he was being burned?

Dream knows his aura can get... a lot. but... He never considered... He never thought...

Only extreme negativity hurt Dream and all positivity energised and powered him...

If low levels of positivity already hurt his brother... would only extreme levels of negativity energise him? Would only extreme levels feed him?

Was... was Nightmare attacking AUs not as much an attack on the multiverse but more of a way to feed himself? To keep himself alive?

Dream just... didn't know.

"Boss! boss! what do you think? Awesome right!"

Dream eneds a moment to realise Killer is talking to him. Dream looks over and freezes at the knife Killer is tapping between his phalanges with a concerning speed.

Dream sits there frozen before panic overtakes his soul "What do you think you are doing?! Stop that right now before you hurt yourself!" only to realise that he spoke form panic and worry. Oh no he totally messed up! Dream wasn't thinking and-

Killer pouts but lays the knife down. Horror snorts "Told you boss would be unimpressed and mad at you for practising that."

Killer mutters something about it being cool and Nightmare just being a worrywart.

Dream blinks. Excuse but Nightmare is a what now?

Cross looks at him "What is the schedule for today boss?"

Killer snorts and copies the sentence at a softer volume but in a sillier voice.

Dream can't imagine that would be allowed but before he can even think of a fitting reaction or answer one of Nightmare's tentacles moves over to Killer's skull and gives him a soft tap.

Dream feels mortified. What do you mean those tendrils just... do that?! Dream hadn't even thought or considered that! Wait... Was... Was the corruption still negativity and so technically Nightmare... Was it like a muscle memory and so instinct for his body to do that? That implies that Nightmare has done that a lot.

Killer pouts more and crosses his arms befroe he mumbles "Fine fine. I get it. I get it. Sorry Crossy."

Crossy beams and the happiness stings Dream as Cross answers "Apology accepted!" then Cross looks at him with bright sockets "But what will we do today boss?"

Dream glances around the room as he tries to think of something that would fit. He has no idea what Nightmare does when he isn't out fighting him. Dream remembers the books in Ngihtmare's bedroom but Dream doesn't want to lock himself in there. He will go insane and just not know what to do. He needs an excuse to search around the castle. Something that will fit with their vision of Nightmare.

"I... need to... research a few things for our next... raid." Dream tries to desperately remember what Nightmare sounded like and which words he used. Dream thinks his lucky stars that Nightmare's body still sounds like Nightmare.

Cross nods "okay! Need our help with anything?"

Dream slowly shakes his skull as he tries to follow their emotions to see if he is managing to sell this. "No. I should have what I need." Okay, good so far, now how to say he will get them if he needs help. euh... "If I have need... of you. I know where to find you." That should work... right?

Killer nods as he is already out of the room and gone with a shout "Going to the cats!"

What does he mean CATS?!

Cross nods "Okay! in your office?"

office? office! An office will no doubt have information that will hopefully help Dream. Dream nods as anwer and Cross seems to accept it before he goes around grabbing the plates.

Horror asks him if he wants lunch together or brought up and Dream can feel the stress rise. damnit why are these four so focussed on Nightmare? They turn to him for everything! It makes Dream miss Blue. Blue knows what to do when and helps him more than anything.

Dream ends up saying together. Seeing as they straight up called and pulled him over for breakfast that is probably the go to. Horror seems pleased by this and nods as he starts cleaning the food in a careful manner.

Dust has just been staring at him with a frown on his face.

Dream stares back and feels the need to look away but Nightmare wouldn't look away. Dream waits and waits.

Dust huffs before leaving wihtout much of a word. Dream will take that as a win.

Dream leaves the kitchen and sees Dust disappear into another room, Dream can hear the sounds of a tv coming from there and will assume Killer is in there.

Okay... Now...

Where the hell is everything? He has no idea what the layout is of this place and it was pure luck he even found the staircase that morning to begin with.

He makes his way back to the staircase and follows it up. He makes sure he isn't watched or followed before starting to silently open doors to check what is behind each one.

Why did his brother have to be dramatic and get a castle?!

--------------

Nightmare hates this.

His cheeks are starting to hurt from the constant smiling. It is emotionally and mentally exhausting to be happy all the time. No one leaves him alone and everyone seems to have something they very pressingly need Dream's help for.

Which. Meant you. Are not important things!!

Dream needs a better work/home balance and learn to say no.

Nightmare can't even just return to the house that is, probably, Dream's and just hide for a moment because Blue has been by his side the whole time.

Nightmare will admit he is starting to get why Dream likes Blue so much adn seems so protective of him. Blue is a beacon of positive energy and motivation. Blue also seems happy to help Dream with anything and everything.

Honestly at this point Blue is the only reason why Ngihtmare hasn't started losing his mind at Dream just yet.

Everyone around him. the whole time. noise or people and their emotions. the pressure of everyone looking at him and trying to get his help. The amount of people trying to just stand next to him and soak up some of that positive aura is disgusting.

Nightmare has half the mind to kidnape his twin just to make sure that he knows he can actually say 'No' and tell people to piss off because it is starting to get concerning.

Nightmare hasn't had the impulse to throw this many people through windows in a while.

One more person from somekind of universe runs up to him "Dream Dream! I need your help!"

Nightmare has to take a very deep breath as he tries to control his temper. easy and calm. easy and calm. He manages to pull the smile back full force and turns to them "But of course! Happy to help. What do you need help with?"

The person smiles "Well! I wanted to do my grocerries but I ended up not going because I was watching this movie and it was jsut so good! Anyway. Would you mind doing my grocerries for me?"

Deep breaths Nightmare. Deep breaths.

The person continues on "The next part just started and I also really want to see that but by the time that one finishes the store will be closed!"

Deep. Breaths.

They continue the smile "And obviously I will pay you back later but-"

"No."

they blink. Nightmare stares back.

They frown "Waht? Why not?"

Nightmare honestly tries to keep it in but why would he? This is an idiot and they deserve to know "Because this is a result of your own neglect of your responsibilities and I don't see why it would then be up to me to fix this. Especially as you yourself still have the chance to do it yourself. But instead you are trying to use me and get an easy out. Not only that but you are also asking me to pay for this?"

The slowly cross their arms "You enver minded before..."

Anger. Rage. Nightmare manages to just stare "Well I mind now. Do it yourself. If you are adult enough to live on your own wihtout supervision you should be able to take care of yourself." Nightmare turns and walks away.

The person is enraged at him and Nightmare feels very smug about it. The person shouts after him "You are being a real asshole there Dream! And very selfish!"

Ngihtmare just keeps walking. don't commit murder in Dream's body. that is a very sure way to get others to notice you are not him.

Blue still walks with him and Nightmare glares "What?"

Blue blinks and tilts his skull "I am just happy you are finally starting to take my advice to not help everyone with everything. You gotta limit yourself or get burned out." Blue stops him and stares at him worried "Are you finally ready to tell me what is wrong Dream? I am worried about you..."

Nightmare considers what to say before sighing "I need a break." weak. Nightmare just, can't handle this. The constant demands and people asking him to do things. It is different with his boys. the real happiness they feel for him may sting slightly but it is real. The happiness of these people. It just isn't truly on that same level. There is no actual affection or care or even understanding behind it. It is about possession and demand and feeling like they earned it.

While they earned nothing.

How does Dream deal with them?

Blue nods "Yeah. Lets go to my place. People are less likely to bother you there. and If anyone asks I will just tell them you are sick."

Nightmare stares at Blue "I don't get sick. I can't get sick."

Blue snorts "Dream. The only three people in the whole multiverse that know that are, you, your twin, and me. If anyone asks we tell them you are sick." and he grins.

Ngihtmare stares at Blue for a moment "You are the only being in the multiverse with a functioning brain."

Blue snorts and laughs "Nightmare will be happy to hear you say that Dream." and he grins widely.

Nightmare snorts himself, a little inside joke just for him, "I know what I said."

They manage to find Core for a ride. Ngihtmare is relieved by that as he hasn't quite figured out how Dream makes portals just yet. Luckily Blue had decided for him that they would catch a ride instead of trying one themselves.

-----------

Dream reads through another report on the changes and shifts in the balance between positivity and negativity. another one that Dream had thought had been an attack agaisnt the multiverse but instead this report spoke about the high positivity levels making the universe unstable and them having to shift it.

The report speaks of a mild success and mentions a message to Error that this universe could be skipped for destruction for a while as they had managed to make it stable enough to last it a bit longer.

So many reports. So many universe which had been unbalanced.

Compared to all the reports Drema had read until now only about 10% spoke about getting higher negativity levels for Nightmare or getting supplies in a raid.

Everything else? All about universes that needed rebalancing and a shift in the right direction to keep them stable.

Dream leans back in the chair and yelps as the tendrils ache. He looks up adn groans as he sees the tentacles once again completely braided together. He doesn't want to have to try to undo it again and-

"Sup Boss!"

Oh are you kidding him?!

Dream had thought the people in the Omega timeline could be pushy or clingy. But it is nothing on these four. They just. Keep showing up!

It is like they are taking shifts! Dream manages to get one out and a new one will show up within 15 minutes.

Dream sighs and looks up "Waht do you want this time you. you..." you... you... Dream doesn't want to be mean. But Ngihtmare probably insults them... right? "Worms."

Cross's whole face turns sad and worried "Worms?" Oh Dream feels so bad about this. Oh no he looks so sad and hurt and why did Dream say that?

Killer however grins widely "worms! new nickname lets go!" he grins widely

Horror just looks at him with a raised brow "You okay boss?"

Dream feels himself get anxious as he tries to channel some stern face but he is unsure how well he is managing "what is it?"

Cross just keeps looking down at the floor with a sad expression as he mutters the word 'worms' to himself.

Horror looks back "Oh Killer pushed Dust down the stairs."

Drema blinks before looking at Killer "You did what?!"

Killer grins widely as he throws out his arms "I would never!"

A second later a very angry Dust shows up "He so did! The asshole pushed me!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not times infinity! Hah! I win!"

Dust glares and tries to tackle Killer but Dream, or lets be real Nightmare's tentacles, stop him and catch Dust mid air.

Dream takes a few breaths but he gives up "No pushing each other down the stairs! I can't even believe i need to say this!"

Horror speaks up "Again."

Dream feels himself stand up straighter "Again?!" luckily all of them seem to not hear the question in his outraged cry as Killer nods with a pout and Dust just huffs.

It is slightly concerning how unbother Dust looks by being up in onf of those tentacles.

Dream rubs his face as he tries to keep his spinning thoughts calm "I am going to be quick about it. I want all four of you to behave for ten minutes so I can look through my reports and figure out where to go to next!"

His brother had so many reports. If Dream could find some positive universe and spread a tiny bit of negativity then Nightmare, in Dream's own body, would feel that and come to Dream and then Dream can try to get them to switch back.

Silence answers him and he looks up to see all four of the gang look at him and nod. Dream waits for a moment before nodding himself "Good!" He has to focus on the tentacle and imagines it putting Dust down before it actually listens. The tendril seems unwilling to let Dust go.

Dream takes a deep sigh and sits back at Nightmare's desk as he starts reading through reports. He looks back up only to see all four of the gang relaxing around him and Nightmare's desk.

Dream rubs his face. considers going against it before just going wiht the flow. Fine! if they want to watch him read reports so be it! Dream turns back to the many reports as he tries to figure out which place would be best. By the stars Nightmare has so much information and he straight up has a whole catagory on different universes and what key differences are and how to spot these when first entering an universe.

There is just so much knowledge and understanding about all of these universe. Nightmare even took time ot learn which universes are most likely to interact. to cross over. or to even be able to hold a stable connection to serve as trading route.

Dream looks up and spots that those stupid tentacles had moves again! Each of them holds one of the four gang members and Dream is trying to think on how to put them back down.

Then he sees all four of them... asleep. peacefully asleep as they lay either rolled up in the tentacle or seem to hug them in their sleep.

Dream stares for a moment and wonders just how often this happens for that to be the natural reaction before he turns back to the reports. the answer has to be in these.

----------

Nightmare feels the spike of negativity as soon as it happens. It si fear from somewhere in the multiverse and he sits up straight.

Blue looks over worried "Dream?"

Nightmare knows it within a second with absolute certainty "My brother." it is dream. Dream has entered an universe and is... causing fear?

Maybe a trap. Or... a beacon.

Blue frowns at him "Are you sure you are ready for this Dream? I don't think you are... fully rested yet."

Nightmare is already up and nods "I am sure." Now the hard part. He focusses on the magic so much like his own but different. the only thing that is avaiable to him is Dream's magic and it will have to do. He focusses on the positivity and wills it to open a connection to where he feels the spike of negativity.

A portal opens before them.

Blue nods as he grabs his hammer "Let's go."

They step through together and Nightmare looks around. He is quick to spot himself.

Nightmare glares as he crouches low before he is off like a bullet right at his own body. The shock on his own face is satisfying.

More satisfying is tackling himself as he and Dream tumble down the sloop into the overgrowth behind it.

Dream yelps and tries to retaliate but Nightmare knows his own body and his own limits. Nightmare is quick to get Dream in a headlock and hisses "Give me back my body."

Dream groans "I am trying! Let go so we can figure this out before they find us!"

Nightmare frowns and waits for just a moment to see if they are followed. He feels some slight confusion and worry from everyone else but there seems to be a bit of a standoff.

Nightmare sighs and lets go of Dream "Quickly then."

Dream huffs as he gets up only to stagger as Ngihtmare sees his tendrils flex. Nightmare snorts "Haven't figured out how to keep them still yet?"

Dream glares at Ngihtmare wiht his own face "Shut up. Just tell me you have na idea how to switch us back."

Nightmare sighs "Obviously we tried to recreate what happened in our last fight." Nightmare focusses and calls forth his, Dream's? this is getting confusing, aura.

Dream hisses slightly, no doubt feeling the burn, before nodding and quickly doing the same.

Both hold out a hand and inch their aura's around each's other's aura and towards the other twin.

Nightmare feels his own magic reach him and it feels like a blast of cool air on a summer day. He lets himself follow it and-

His body burns by the positivity right before him and he jumps back. His tendrils helping Ngihtmare move back and away from Dream.

Dream lets out a loud sigh of relieve as he lets himself sink to his knees "Oh that feels so much better..."

Nightmare nods as he flexes a tendril "I agree."

A moment of silence and peace between the two as neither makes the move to attack first.

Dream speaks up first "I... I never realised how... how much just tiny bits of positivity hurt..."

Nightmare shurgs "You get used to it. and sometimes it is better to feel the sting than the alternative."

Dream nods as he shoots Nightmare a smile.

Nightmare frowns "You can say no."

Dream blinks "Excuse me?"

Nightmare sighs "You should say no sometimes. It is unhealthy to keep giving everything you have to everyone. especially if they don't actually need help or are even thankful or grateful for it." Nightmare shoots his brother an unimpressed look "Learn to manage your work/home life."

Dream blinks before laughing and shooting him a grin "You sound like Blue."

Nightmare nods "You should listen to him more then."

Another moment of peace before both their groups get to them. Neither feel much for fighting and both call for a retreat very quickly.

Both have a lot to think about anyways.

---------

"Wait?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU AND YOUR TWIN HAD BEEN SWITCHED?! THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH!"

[pinkandpurple360]

I wouldn't blame anyone for finding Look My Way too Stolas-sympathetic and weepy but honestly I think on the whole it's way better than most of the songs he gets in the show

and that's because it actually has a narrative arc to it. Stolas reflects on his life, realizes he is the problem between him and Blitzo, actually shows some empathy for the armor Blitzo has developed as a result of being impoverished, then decides on an action: making amends for making Blitzo a means to an end. and it retains his original classist character by having the impish plaything line that the show whitewashed over

it still has the same problem anything Stolas related does in that it's hard to care about his repeated pleas for Blitzo to look his way, but it's a far more concise view of him as a character and crucially he actually shows some ability to self reflect in it and then take action based on his conclusions

ParanoidDJ released the original after ep6 but honestly it would fit perfectly in the show after ep7, where Stolas comes back in from the party. instead of getting drunk, maybe he stops and makes himself think about where things went wrong

instead the songs he has in the show are

Stolas Sings - immediately implies Blitzo lied to him, so no self reflection or introspection. It's set up he'll go to get a crystal but that isn't referenced in the lyrics, it's just a split second freeze frame when he chucks his book into view of the camera which is bad storytelling. It's all self focused self pity - he's the victim and that's that. no sign of care for what he's done to Blitzo or Via unlike Look My Way.

All 2 U - a breakup reflection where he does no self reflection or introspection. blames Blitzo for stuff he did (let him get too close/go on too long/fell too far). all self focused self pity - he's the victim and that's that

duet number - does say he maybe did something wrong, but it only counts if Blitzo didn't actually want him (then when Blitzo confirms that, he proceeds to...show no self reflection or introspection - just he's the victim and that's that, you get the idea)

the show numbers not only fail to move the plot forward, they don't move Stolas' character forward at all. Look My Way really sticks out as one of his numbers because it's basically the only one where he does explicitly say 'I'm in the wrong and need to fix things' where in the show it's always 'maybe I did something wrong, maybe, but you hurt me so you're more wrong and I'm putting off doing any self reflection on what my issues are until Tuesday - when I'll put it off again'.

he's far more proactive in LMW too - he doesn't sound like he'll just give up on making amends at the first failure. meanwhile Show Stolas has done only two proactive things when it comes to Blitzo onscreen: making the deal and breaking the deal. both things were done for his own benefit and he's now back to being passive and expecting Blitzo to be the one to come crawling back to court him even though Blitzo has every reason to think he moved on with the succubus dude to spite him in particular

This moment here

It wasn’t him feeling some guilt/remorse for how obnoxious and forceful he behaved, or sympathy for Blitzs unhappiness. He is thinking “Aww….he doesn’t love me, that makes me so sad. Poor me. I deserve love. I just want a lover.”

Well anon, the simple explanation LMW stolas is so different…..is, Vivienne/Sam Haft didn’t write that. They both do think stolas is the more innocent and more victimised party. That’s why before Full Moons confrontation, stolas has sung not one, not two but three sad ballads about his soft boy romantic feelings. And it’s why stolas’ personality was changed drastically between his nasty truth seekers self to his Ozzies bleeding heart self. To make you forget his 1-6 self ever happened and pity him.

While blitz was only allowed to smirk and make sex jokes in a verse of stolas’ third sad song. With the intent of making him look like the “real” pervert with a cold black heart. His verse in when I see him was intended by Sam to set up “that your first instinct is that it’s always (gasp) about sex (closes eyes solemnly)” line. Stolas is allowed to have an inner monologue, desires, worries, regrets and hopes. Blitz is only allowed say “fuck” “penis” and “im traumatised”** with an asterisk saying that makes him an asshole and not “baby” stolas’ fault. Spoken to you in apology tour dialogue delivered by the lovely: Vivienne Mayday aka Verosika Medrano.

Viv didn’t write look my way, and disagrees with the narrative.

She hates Octavia for not being more grateful to her father and thinks stolas deserves to be free from being her parent. So took his line about her out of the song. Twitter emboldened her to go through with this belief. So she took her line out of LMW.

She hates blitz for disliking upper classes, implies he’s “just like a supremacist” against princes for it. I think this also came from Twitter. You are NOT allowed to point out the racism of stolas or you’ll be branded a striker sympathiser.

She agrees with stolas fans that the real reason blitz doesn’t trust stolas’ gifts with no catch is nothing to do with stolas’ previous exploitative transactional actions….it is….because of his own mean imp father? Because Cash taught him love is transaction. A very convenient excuse Viv absorbed again, from Twitter and YouTube.

Cuz….it was cash. Not the sexual extorter who held his job over his head. That’s his soulmate cause owls only mate once via eye contact and die of broken hearts if they can’t have their mate forever. His 25 year long lust for someone he only knew as a child isn’t weird at all wdym. In fact all the bad stuff is Blitzs fault.

She absorbed all of this nonsense from Twitter takes, specifically the stolas stans, because she thinks putting fandom talking points into canon is a safe bet. The actual story is out the window, there isn’t one.

See how letting the stolas fandom twitter write your story for you makes for a biased fucked up victim blaming story that coddles a sexual abuser with “involuntarily celibate” arguments?

When she makes stolas reflect and take accountability, the reaction she wants you to have is “Poor baby stolas blames himself which shows what a good little boy he is! Even though nothing is ever his fault!” She just wanted to make money off of someone else’s work.

[zenlesszonezero]

As the conspiracy reaches its finale, the Void Hunter joins the fight.

Uncover the Conspiracy in Zenless Zone Zero's All-New Version "A Storm of Falling Stars", S-Rank Agent Hoshimi Miyabi is here! With S-Rank Agent Asaba Harumasa Limited-Time Giveaway! Pre-register to obtain additional rewards.

[adamnablelittledevil]

I'm excited for Devil's Minion but I hope the Lesmand aspect isn't undermined in its favor. That ship may not be endgame but it's so important to both Lestat and Armand.

I only know Devil's Minion content from what I've seen on the tag, but I share the same feeling! I also enjoy Armand and Daniel's dynamic on the show. I can't wait to see more if it (and any possible duo, romantic/endgame or not, because they're all so appealing) and I hope they did have something in the past as well (and I think it's highly possible), because both Eric and Luke are great. And, well, this chemistry is too extraordinary to ignore.

Sure, this scene wasn't a positive one, but tell me they don't have potential to deliver the romantic content?

So, about the books, I'm still on chapter 5 of The Vampire Lestat (I'm leaving IWTV for last), but so far I don't see how they could reduce lesmand. I guess you could say there is some romantic aspect to them, but there's so much more than that too. Now, I might be interpreting this wrong or things will naturally change over the course of the books, but I believe they have this soul ties/mirrors/foils/two sides of the same coin aspect. It's only been a little over one chapter since Armand was firstly introduced, but their dynamic already feels so important. They're so similar and yet so different, they're fascinated by each other, they see parts of themselves that they don't like on one another, they see things they can't understand but want to, there's empathy, there's protectiveness, they're attracted to one another and not even just in a physical/romantic sense, but there's some genuine curiosity, admiration and magnetism there, but they're still afraid of each other, they still despise one another, they hurt each other, they know it's better to stay way, but don't really want to so it challenges them to the point they also HATE each other... I even feel like it's more frustration and projection than actual hate, but still... They're very INTENSE, in every sense of the word. And it keeps fleeting all the time, sometimes it's warmer, sometimes it's more explosive, sometimes they have similar reactions to one another and sometimes they don't... Which leads to different types of tension that is entertaining to play with. Plus, they have the best conversations and arguments for me. They touch on some really relevant topics about each other's existence, their collective existence as a species and as individuals (which is part of their conflict). Basically, we can call them whatever we want, but they're never boring.

So I can't see them being able to change that even if they want to? Also, because Armand is the first vampire Lestat meets after his maker and fledgling. Magnus kills himself shortly after turning Lestat, Gabrielle and Lestat are almost on the same level when it comes to powers and knowledge about vampirism. Armand exists out of their sphere, has been a vampire for a while, has more abilities/knowledge than them... I feel like you need that in order to 'shake' things up on the flashbacks instead of just being in the bubble of Lestat and his fledglings or using Armand as a small character.

And Assad is one of the main actors, he's paid for main actor screen time, so it would be a waste not to use him as such? And, like you said, it's so important for both Armand's and Lestat's arcs, and this is a main character + main character dynamic, it's not like a side plot with a guest star. It would be killing multiple birds with one stone, because you'd find a way to use two fundamental characters, tell the story in a proper and also engaging way. Not to mention they would be insanely stupid to waste this.

Yeah, I know this is different on the book, but my point is that the enigmatic chemistry they're supposed to have is there and Rolin should make the most of it. Like, I'm still a bit frustrated they didn't play a little more with Jacob and Assad's chemistry too.

So let's not do it again? I mean, this is the first show I watch where everyone has amazing chemistry and good reasons to have lots of scenes together because they live forever and need to have more than just one company, lol. I say let's explore all of it, whether something is romantic/endgame or not.

Anyway, I believe we'll see a lot of Armand in the 1700s flashbacks and that lesmand will be top 2 of Armand's dynamics on season 3. Depending on what they want to do with armandiel, they might even explore more of lesmand next season, since that's 'Lestat's' season and they can have all future seasons for armandiel? I mean, I can see something kind of like season 2, when we had loumand, but dreamstat was still a significant presence and then the big scene at the end. Plus, I'm expecting Daniel to have a lot of screen time with Louis and Lestat, respectively.

Btw, sorry I deflected so much, I just had a lot to say, lmao. Thank you for the message. :)

[shebeafancyflapjack]

hello hi and omg the Stockholm syndrome with calypso thing. I've never thought of it that way for some reason. woah do you have any other thoughts on that I'd love to hear!!

Hi!

Couple things; so this has been one of my favorite songs long before the saga came out as the demo out on YouTube was pretty much the full version. It's so beautiful and tragic, but I kept assuming that - given the sympathetic vibe of the song - Jorge was going to change this part of the story to make Calypso less of a villain.

Like my assumption was she wouldn't be the one keeping him trapped, it's just the curse of her island and even if she let him go he'd just come back or get hurt. So she's as much of a prisoner as him, basically. But also that it would be clear she didn't SA him as in the Odyssey. It would just be an innocent one sided infatuation that she would keep hoping he'd fall for her over time but wouldn't. So at first I assumed the "I love you" line would be like "I love you as a friend, I would have been alone and gone mad here for years without you, you gave me a bit of peace after all the trauma." Etc.

But then the Wisdom Saga came out...

And Love In Paradise definitely has SA and manipulation vibes. Rather than helping Ody heal in any way, he becomes even worse. Athena says outright "she's kept you trapped out of your control". There's no wriggle room for that. It's not just an innocent love. I would love to have confirmation from Jorge if this Calypso did force herself on him in any way as I think it would clear up things in the fandom.

So with that all in context, I can't hear the line as "I love you as a friend". It doesn't feel earned, we've not glimpsed anything from Calypso that would have Ody respect her that way. So for me it would be more affection born out of captivity and isolation and feeling sorry for your captor, but still wanting to get as far as fuck away from them.

It reminds me a lot of the real life kidnapping of Natasha Kampush whose book describing her ordeal where she was kept trapped underground for eight years is a chilling read. But it is a fascinating insight into what we think of as "Stockholm Syndrome" and how it's not like people imagine where they're brainwashed to be hopelessly devoted to them (and before anyone jumps down my throat, yes I know there's some debate over the name and having it be seen as a mental health condition when it's mostly just human empathy and survival tactic). Natasha's complex feelings towards her abuser and how media tried to romanticise it after her escape reminds me a lot of Odysseus and Calypso. She feared this man, he made her life a misery and treated her worse than a dog - but he was still the only company she had for eight years. There would be times when she felt fleeting moments of normalcy and affection, it's just human nature for that to create a bond. And she would grow sympathy for how messed up he clearly was, probably in much the same way Ody felt sympathy for Calypso being trapped alone.

Yes Calypso is a goddess but she feels the most human out of all the ones who appear in Epic, in the most messy way humans can be.

Hope I've explained that well. 😅

[doumadono]

DOUMA LEARNING ABOUT HUMAN EMOTIONS

MASTERLIST

At first, Douma is skeptical about the idea of human feelings. He sees emotions as a weakness and doesn't understand why anyone would want to experience them!

However, as his significant other patiently explains the nuances of human emotions to him, Douma starts to become more interested in the concept. He begins to see that there is more to life than just killing and causing chaos.

Douma's significant other teaches him about love, empathy, and compassion. They show him that these emotions can be just as powerful as fear and anger, and Douma is surprised he didn't understand that earlier.

As Douma starts to experience human emotions for himself from time to time, he becomes more introspective. He begins to question his own motives and decisions, wondering if there is more to life than just fulfilling his own desires.

Douma's significant other becomes his confidante as he learns about human emotions. He turns to them when he's feeling lost or confused, and they help him work through his feelings, even though it's hard sometimes because Douma doesn't know how to differentiate between the emotions, and he's unable to describe what he's feeling.

Although Douma still enjoys causing chaos and destruction, he starts to develop a moral code. He becomes more selective about who he targets, and he tries to minimize collateral damage whenever possible ("you know, love, I've been thinking... I made a decision! From now on, I'll eat half as much women as I used to. It's not only called mercy, but first and foremost it's about compassion. I'm full of compassion lately, isn't it lovely?")

Douma becomes fascinated by the concept of love and begins to study it. He reads books, and observes people in love to try and understand what it means. As he learns more about love, Douma starts to feel it for himself. At first, he's not sure what to do with these feelings, but he's drawn to them nonetheless.

As Douma's understanding of love grows stronger, he becomes more protective of his significant other. He would do anything to keep them safe and happy ("my dear, I just felt something! It's so strange! The warmness within my chest, it's overwhelming. Fascinating! Is this what you call love?")

Douma quickly becomes curious about fear and starts to experiment with it. He tries to scare people and observe their reactions to see what happens. As he becomes more adept at scaring people, Douma starts to understand the feeling of fear himself. He realizes that it's not just about being scared, but about feeling powerless and vulnerable.

As he learns more about jealousy, Douma starts to see the ways in which it can be used as a tool. He starts to use jealousy to manipulate and control others, making them do his bidding. Despite his growing understanding of this strange feeling, Douma is still largely emotionless. He doesn't feel jealousy himself, and he doesn't feel empathy for those who do. Or maybe he does? ("My love, where are you going? Will there be other men there, hmm? You know I'm not fond of letting you go alone, you pretty, little thing. You're too precious to me, my petal.")

Douma's pursuit of happiness starts to become a problem as he becomes more and more obsessed with it. He starts to prioritize his own happiness above all else, even if it means hurting others ("Oh, no, my little pet, I'm not vicious! It's called treating yourself well and taking care of your happiness! I treated myself with just two more women, and I've never felt any better! Oh, how happy and satisfied I am!")

Overall, Douma's journey towards understanding human feelings leads him to become a more well-rounded and ultimately dangerous being for he knows how to act and what to do to touch what's invisible yet the most important for humans - their emotions.

[the-badger-mole]

Azula stans really need to stop projecting the tough childhoods they had unto her. She is not some helpless little girl who never did anything bad on her own accord. Her fangirls are nothing but toxic terfs who think any criticism for them are sins from the patriarchy, please.

Idk enough Azula apologists to say they are all terfs or not, but I think the larger issue is people aren't comfortable rooting for the bad guy anymore. I, personally blame Wicked. I love the show, and I really liked the book, but it kickstarted this trend of What If stories that make villains more sympathetic. In a lot of cases, they just outright flip who was the villain and who was the hero, which is the least interesting thing you could do in terms of exploring a villain character's motives (glaring daggers at you, Maleficent).

No one is all black or all white. Everyone exists in shades of grey, and that includes villains. There's nothing wrong with exploring the grey areas of villains. Some of the best villains in literature are multi-dimensional. Some of them are even sympathetic, but at the end of the day, they are villains and nothing justifies their destruction. The best recent example I can think of is Killmonger from the Black Panther movie. He wasn't wrong to criticize the exploitation of Africa and the Black Diaspora by the West. He wasn't wrong for thinking that Wakanda should've stepped up and intervened. His anger was absolutely justified, but his methods absolutely were not. As an audience we can both love and empathize with Killmonger but also admit he was the villain.

That is, unfortunately, not how a lot of Azula's staunchest defenders approach her. Instead of allowing themselves to feel empathy for her, even though she is definitely in the wrong and has definitely made decisions on her own accord that show her own moral compass is broken, they have to turn her into a victim of circumstance. I think that is actually a very sexist way to look at Azula, though I don't really think for the most part her defenders are trying to be. Azula made choices she didn't have to. She was a child who was likely abused (albeit in a different way from Zuko). She was also an abuser herself, and very ruthless and cunning in her own right. All those things can be true at the same time, but Azula defenders can't seem to accept that.

Now I could speculate on why this is, and personally, I think it's because of this really annoying trend of needing your fandom opinions to align with your morals. I don't have much to base that on, though. I don't spend a ton of time engaging with a lot of people on the opposite end of the fandom from me, so I haven't heard directly from the more rational Azula defenders on why they think the way they do (the ones I've interacted with have been just...the worst and I didn't care to engage with them for long). Even if I did, who is self aware enough to say "my need to defend this villain is because I don't feel comfortable liking them if they are truly bad"? My opinion is based entirely on the posts that I see on my feed sometimes of mutuals getting asks that accuse them of terrible things because of the characters and tropes they like. Also, on the metas I sometimes see explaining how rather than being the villain, Azula was a broken little thing who had been failed by everyone around her, including her brother- who was a child himself, and her uncle- who couldn't have intervened even if he wanted because Azula wouldn't have ever accepted his help.

I could be right, or I could be way off base, but I think if we're ever going to see a decline in the rabid defenders of characters like Azula, we have to get to a point where we can admit we like bad guys without trying to make them heroes. It's okay to like a character and still want to see them defeated in the end. Or to want to see them win, even if it means that evil has triumphed. It doesn't mean anything about you as a person. It just means that you like a good story.

[zenlesszonezero]

As the conspiracy reaches its finale, the Void Hunter joins the fight.

Uncover the Conspiracy in Zenless Zone Zero's All-New Version "A Storm of Falling Stars", S-Rank Agent Hoshimi Miyabi is here! With S-Rank Agent Asaba Harumasa Limited-Time Giveaway! Pre-register to obtain additional rewards.

[thesunfyre4446]

As for punishing Alicent, Aemond and Criston - I will give my TB perspective if I may :)

I support the idea that Alicent should be punished. Just like Luke should. It's more about "how to punish one person for hurting the king's child without punish another person for hurting the king's child." Aemond was kid, but Rhaenyra was heir to the trone. Luke should be punished (NOT by having his eye gouged out), but Alicent can't go unpunished. He took Aemond's eye, she attacked Rhaenyra and wounded her with valyrian steel to the bone. They both should be punished.

Criston should face the same consequences as all the rest of the guards who guarded the royal family in Driftmark. No one checked that Aemond (the prince) did not reach the bed at all. He disappeared in the evening and didn't come back, and no one noticed. What if he fell off a cliff? If Vhagar rejected him? They would find his body or ashes and… what? The two heirs and two granddaughters of the Lord of Driftmark/the king's nieces left the castle unnoticed in the middle of the night to fight "someone who is stealing Vhagar". They didn't know it was Aemond. They could have died. They would find their bodies or they wouldn't and... what?

As for Aemond. In my opinion he knew what he was doing was wrong, that's why he ran away to do it in the middle of the night. He should have known that he shouldn't run away in the night LIKE he was stealing dragon, and go and bond with it properly, under proper supervision, like every other Targaryen had done before him. He should have known that he couldn't use the dragon as a death threat against his younger cousins who lost their mother to the dragon. I know he didn't know them. But he should understand how empathy works and that he's a child who shouldn't be threatening to use a dragon as a weapon. Every child, not just Luke, should understand that escalating violence (physically or verbally, as Aemond did) is wrong.

This is my opinion and one that I know I share with other TBs I know. Some people have… weird ideas, but it works both ways. Some TBs say Aemond should be sent to the Wall, and some TGs say Luke should be completely disinherited, mutilated and his dragon killed. Both attitudes are wrong.

thank you for your input!

i will say that rhaenyra offering to have aemond "sharply questioned" & taunting alicent with that "thank you, father" line & alicent just being very upset and distraught over her son losing his eye is what prompted her to finally lose it and attack rhaenyra. it's not something she was proud of & regretted it the next morning (i really wish that from that moment on the show would make alicent more like her book counterpart... but she was obvs regretting snapping out lol)

technically yeah she attack rhaenyra with a knife, but this fandom's unwillingness to sympathies and recognize alicent's pain is very upsetting to me. i'm seeing a lot of posts like "alicent should've been killed & locked up & whipped" and i'm like... are you fr? this woman is clearly upset and hurt over her son's injury. even rhaenyra and viserys or even daemon never tried to get alicent punished.

wrt to aemond - according to f&b he was sneaking out because he knew his parents would never allow him near vhagar. like i've said, he was supposed to return to KL very soon, and vhagar couldn't come with them to the dragonpit because she's too big. would she just disappear like she had when baelon died? would she go to dragonstone - that's very possible. but he couldn't go to dragonstone since his mom and rhaenyra are beefing.

and considering aemond's character. it was something he wanted to do on his own. he wanted to prove himself. & was 10 and didn't really think through the whole thing. we really don't know much about how targs claim dragons. there aren't any rules. you can just try to mount them and hope for the best lol i think that a dragon also chooses the rider based on personality. vhagar and aemond bonded over feeling lonely . that and aemond's bravery is exactly why vhagar accepted him. and wrt to empathy, listen, not going to justify what he said to the girls, but kids can be really really mean lol aemond's not shown to be very empathic in general & especially not to 2 strangers standing together with his bullies.

anyway, yeah, physical punishments are always bad. especially to kids???? i blame mostly viserys for not showing his son & alicent that he cared about them & just handling the whole situation very badly. in f&b he banishes harwin to harrenhall & sends rhaenyra to dragonstone & makes that threat that he'll cut the togues of anyone who speaks against rhaenyra's family. that makes so much more sense then show version.

[imonanotherlebel]

Heey, i saw ur asks r open and i think i might need smtng abt hoshi or woozi helping their s/o coping with life stress fam stuff university and work at same time cuz i feel exhausted and i'm serious need of a delulu tap on my shoulder

Thanks✨

Oooooo I love this ask, babes. Let me write about Hoshi. I hope it's okay!

Personal note to anon: I hope you're doing okay babes. Life is very stressful and hard. But I want you to know that every storm ends eventually, and a beautiful time will come by soon. Hang in there!<3❤️

Genre: Tooth rotting fluff with abhint of angst.

Requested: I feel like Hoshi would step up and take all your life stress away as a partner. Like, he is such a sweetheart omg my heart! 😭❤️

Pairing: Hoshi x reader

Warnings: Mentions of food, i guess? WARNING, LOT OF LOVE AHEAD!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Hoshi breezed into your shared apartment, a playful glint in his eyes, ready to infuse the space with his trademark energy. However, a subtle change in your demeanor caught his attention.

"Hey, love, something's on your mind. Mind sharing with me?", he asked, his voice etched with concern.

You, caught off guard, offered a tired smile. "Just the usual uni and work stress, Hoshi. You know how it is."

Leaning in, Hoshi's playful expression shifted to genuine concern. "I know you better than that, baby. What's really going on, Y/n? Talk to me."

You sighed, deciding to drop the façade.

"Alright, family issues are piling up, and deadlines at uni are suffocating. Work isn't making it any easier. I still haven't completed my assignment which is due in two days. I don't know Hosh, I feel like I'm drowning."

Seated beside you, Hoshi gently took your hand in to his, rubbing them softly. "You're not alone in this, babe. We're a team. Tell me what's specifically bothering you."

You hesitated a little, then opened up about the complexities of your family dynamics, demanding courses, and the relentless pressure at work. Hoshi listened intently, his expressive eyes mirroring empathy.

"I didn't want to burden you with all this," you confessed, vulnerability seeping into your voice.

You have always been the person your family expected to be responsible and strong. You have gone through so many painful and difficult times on your own, never burdening anyone with them. Your tears had always been in between you and your pillow and the four walls of your room.

Hoshi cupped your face. "Love, your struggles are mine too. We face them together. Don't ever think you're burdening me.", he said concern and love written all over his face.

Hoshi, although usually is a playful, childish and funny person, knew when he had to step up and take the wheel so that you could let your guard down and lean on him for comfort.

.......

Over the next days, your interactions evolved into a symphony of shared moments. Hoshi was extra careful with you, always checking on you without bothering you too much.

Hoshi surprised you with more than just grand gestures – little notes carefully placed on the fridge or tucked into your books before heading to practices. Each note carried words of encouragement, love, and even a few goofy drawings which never failed to make you smile.

........

One day, as you got home after uni, you saw a pretty little bento box cake with a note next to it which read "Pretty cake for my pretty girl. Eat it all and regain your energy okay? And I know you get pretty stressed with your assignments at hand, so I have bought some of your favorite ice cream for you. It's in the fridge, okay? Love you baby! - Hosh<3"

Oh I wish I could eat this but my face is bloated and I feel like I might have gained some weight, so maybe just one bite. You felt so insecure as the stress from being so overworked kept you away from taking care of your body as you usually do.

You pulled out the little spoon and took a little bite off the cake before putting it into the fridge. You went back to your studies after a small shower.

A few hours later, Hoshi was back from his practice.

"Hey my beautiful girl!", he said brightly as he headed towards the fridge to get some cold water. "Hey, Hosh", you replied barely looking up.

"Hey..... Why is this still here?", Hoshi asked, concern etched in his tone. He sounded very hurt, you looked up towards him to see what's wrong. And there he was, with the bento cake in hand, looking at you sadly.

"I had a bite Hosh", you said, trying to sound cheerful and trying to hide the fact that you are slowly falling back into your insecurities.

"Liar.", he said furrowing his brows.

"Okay fine. Look Hosh, I've gained like five kilos these two weeks. I'm barely going to the gym. I think I should stop indulging, and cut my calories.

"Oh STOP IT!", he stormed towards you with the cake, looking mad as hell. One thing about this sweet boy, You never want to see him angry. He scary.

"Eat this. NOW", he said placing the cake infront of you with the spoon. He folded his arms and continued to give you a death stare. You slowly took the spoon into your had and picked at the cake. Bite after bite, Hoshi's anger seemed to fade away. When you were done with about half of it, Hoshi ruffled your hair.

"Baby, I know how important it is to take care of your body and be fit. But there are times in life when we can't prioritize it like before. But you should never be afraid of food. With more weight or not, you are you. You are working hard. You are trying your best. And you must eat, baby. That's all that matters. Okay?", he asked a hint of pain and lot of love filled in his voice.

"i'm sorry, babe. I just- It's just- I don't know...", you struggled finding words to explain your emotions.

"I know baby, I know.", he said softly as he came closer. Hugging you and pulling your head into his chest. Stroking it gently.

......

One evening on the balcony under a starry sky, Hoshi spoke softly. "You're resilient, Y/n. And it's okay not to be strong all the time. Lean on me when you need to."

Feeling a weight lift off your shoulders, you expressed gratitude. "Thank you for being my anchor, Hoshi. I appreciate having you."

He pulled you into a tender kiss, hugging you tightly afterwards. "We're in this together, always. Let's make this place not just our home but a haven where we face life's storms side by side. I want you to know that I will always be there by your side".

In the days that followed, Hoshi continued to shower you with affection. He would often sneak up behind you, planting soft kisses on your neck while you worked at your desk. "Just a little energy boost for my hardworking love," he'd say, leaving you smiling amidst your assignments.

One evening, as you prepared dinner together, Hoshi couldn't resist stealing a kiss, his playful tone accompanied by a mischievous grin. "Cooking is much better with a dash of love," he said, sealing the sentiment with another sweet peck that lingered just long enough to leave you blushing.

Your conversations became a blend of deep talks, deep connections and playfulness.... Hoshi, always the comedian, lightened the mood with silly jokes and goofy faces. He would sometimes try to pull you away from your studies, or overthinking a little bit and show his new dance moves or a choreo he just made with the boys.

"You're my favorite audience, Y/n. Your smile is the best reward," he admitted, punctuating his words with a tender kiss on your cheek.

......

Amidst the chaos of life, you both found solace in simple moments. One lazy Sunday morning, you both lingered in bed, wrapped in each other's arms. Hoshi traced patterns on your back, his voice, soft and filled with love. "You're my calm in the storm, Y/n. Let's stay in this moment forever." You can't lie, he is your only solace, your only medicine.

.......

Your apartment echoed with laughter and the soft sounds of shared secrets. One day after you just finished completing yet another assignment, Hoshi, with an impish grin, surprised you with a spontaneous pillow fight. Amidst the feathers floating in the air, he stole a kiss, leaving the both of you breathless and laughing.

At night, as you curled up on the couch watching a movie, Hoshi whispered sweet nothings in your ear. "I love you so much, baby. Sometimes I feel like i'm going crazy. You're the script of my love story, and every moment with you is a scene I never want to end," he confessed, sealing his words with a lingering kiss.

Your love story unfolded like a beautifully choreographed dance, with Hoshi leading the way. You found comfort in him. You were there for him when he was vulnerable, and now here he is, being your knight in shining armor. The apartment became a part off of a movie screen; romance, painted with stolen kisses, whispered promises, and the shared warmth of your laughter.

As you guys were snuggled up in your bed, trying to fall asleep, Hoshi held you close, his eyes reflecting the depth of his affection. "Life is a journey, love, and I'm grateful you're my companion. You're the strongest person I know, y/n, and I would die without you." he declared, sealing the sentiment with a passionate kiss that left no room for doubt.

--------------------------------------------------

I hope you liked this babes!!<3 Take care!

[magicalblerdpenn]

So this year, I'd been struggling to embrace being alloplatonic. I'm already genderqueer, bi, and grey aro-ace so you'd think it'd be easy.

Except that I didn't know alloplatonic was an identity until I learned about aplatonic people on Valentine's Day this year.

Ironically, it was several years back on Valentine's Day that I realized that I rarely experience romantic or sexual attraction, and experience aesthetic attraction more.

Yet I struggled to embrace being alloplatonic for several reasons:

Being raised by a Dad who made me feel like I couldn't be "just friends" with someone of a different gender than me. Since I was AFAB, any friendships I had with boys were assumed to be related to romance or sex.

Struggling to make friends, even though I wanted them. In high school, almost every potential new friend I made ended up changing schools or schedules.

Being bullied made me scared to make friends b/c what if I try to make friends, but end up bullied again? I also felt like I wasn't good enough for friends b/c of this trauma.

The unexpected death of my Dad made me scared to get close to anyone. I considered my Dad a friend as well as my parent and losing him hurt me deeply.

People being dismissive of internet friendships

This past Sunday, my closest internet friend Jaz, gave me a shout out in their upcoming book. It touched me deeply; I cried for ten minutes. They are a Black trans friend & we've been internet friends for six years, bonding over our identities, our writing dreams, music, and more. We've kept in touch through social media, email, and chat apps and become each other's source of peer support.

Over the years, our friendship grew stronger little by little and I felt a strong platonic love for them. I loved reading their newsletter, chatting with them, seeing updates about their life and career that they were willing to share. I loved having them encourage and reassure me, and doing the same for them. I loved their empathy, when I told them about my trauma or troubles. I loved how their writing helped me learn something new about myself & the world around me. I've shown my appreciation for our friendship through poetry & digital art and they love it.

Yet, I struggled to fully bask in our friendship until very recently b/c the trauma I'd experienced and the heteronormatvity and allonormativity I'd been taught. I didn't think my strong platonic attraction was normal b/c people dismiss platonic love in favor of romantic love. I've seen this on tv, movies, and online fandoms. I also thought I wasn't worthy of friendship b/c I felt I had to be a certain way & be flawless to have friends.

My friend Jaz, repeatedly proved me wrong, but it didn't sink in until I saw these words in the Acknowledgement section of their upcoming book: "To my internet friends, whose bonds are as deep as any other. To Penn; love you!"

With this, all my fears and doubt washed away with my tears of joy.

And now, I can finally say that I love my friend Jaz. I even wrote them a poem to do so and they enjoyed it very much.

TL;DR I am alloplatonic & proud and no one will take that away from me. I love my friend Jaz and they love me platonicallly too.

[soaps-mohawk]

Oh that makes so much sense!! Institutes did kinda sound like a 'we make perfect omegas' in a bad way type of thing!! SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR OMEGA! READER ANGST AHHHHHHHHHH

That makes me wonder even more about how the omega's felt about each other, did they empathize with each other since they were all in the same boat?? Did they have toxic competitions with each other to be given to 'good' alpha's??? WHAT WAS WITH THE GIRL OMEGA! READER KISSED???

I just want to take the fic and shake it between my teeth like a rabid dog because of the LORE 😩😩 any bits of lore I can get that won't make you spoil the story I will eat like it's the last thing in the world because I am a WHORE for a thought out and well written backstory 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Yeah, that pretty much sums up institutes perfectly. "We make perfect omegas but we are not ethical about it." The saddest thing is most people don't even know what they're like unless they've worked in one, know an omega that went to one that was brave enough to speak up about it, or are an omega that went through one. Unfortunately there's not a lot that can be done in terms of changing institutes (though we'll be seeing here shortly in the fic that there are some things happening in that regard).

As far as the omegas in the institute...it really depends. Omegas can have a lot of personality (as we can see in the fic) but the institutes try and squash that as much as possible. I think things could go either way. I do think they have a lot of empathy for each other, especially in the beginning as they adjust to the institute and its expectations. It's an omega's nature to be nurturing and empathetic and put a bunch of them together in the same space going through the same things, it's hard to keep those natural instincts from coming through.

That being said, again, personalities differ and there could be some that see it as a competition. Especially in institutes like the reader went to where most of these omegas came from rich/powerful families and they know that's what their being groomed for. Of course some of them are going to turn it into a competition to get the highest scores and see any omega that's better than them as a threat. But I think over time that sort of dies down as they all begin to have their personalities broken down and get taught how to be subservient and obedient. I think it would be more common in younger, more newly presented omegas to have that sort of competitive nature, but as the time passes and they go through all those lessons and tests, they begin to kind of realize no one is on their side but their fellow omegas and those natural empathetic bonds start to form.

Haha, yeah, so idk if anyone put two and two together but the omega that the reader kissed is the same omega that gave her the sweatshirt. That was why she volunteered herself to do it. I don't feel like I explained it very well in the fic, but not every omega is obviously going to be as good or willing to learn as the reader was. (Part of reader's backstory plays into that but we'll be getting into that more in detail later in the fic.) Some omegas that might have grown up differently or had more influence or freedom in their lives before they presented might have a bit of a struggle conforming to the standards institutes hold, and some might even resist it. Essentially there was an omega in the same age group as the reader that had grown up with more "progressive" ideas, was seen as rebellious and really fought the institute and its attempts to conform all these omegas to the standards they hold.

Of course she had a bit of an impact on a few of the omegas, one of them being the omega that reader had a crush on, who was one of reader's bunk mates (they slept four to a room in bunks so those were kind of who they were the closest to). She's the one that got the book smuggled in for her and didn't want an alpha to be her first kiss so reader volunteered to do it for her. I do think she knew how the reader felt about her, but it's sort of an impossible situation. They both knew they'd probably get picked up fast and they'd probably never see each other again (which is basically what happened for one of them) so there was no way they could have pursued those feelings without major heartbreak after. And of course institutes strictly forbid omegas forming bonds with each other for that reason.

I like to think that omega wound up in a nice place with a good alpha and is living a happy life. She still thinks fondly on the reader and probably would be jealous that the reader got to move to England lol.

I'm such a whore for world building you have no idea. Some things I so desperately want to talk about but also...we're nowhere near that in the fic yet 😫 I just want to spill everything but then the suspense and the angst and the shock and surprise in the fic will be ruined so I have to keep my mouth shut lmao.

[zenlesszonezero]

As the conspiracy reaches its finale, the Void Hunter joins the fight.

Uncover the Conspiracy in Zenless Zone Zero's All-New Version "A Storm of Falling Stars", S-Rank Agent Hoshimi Miyabi is here! With S-Rank Agent Asaba Harumasa Limited-Time Giveaway! Pre-register to obtain additional rewards.

[dust-jacket-analysis]

There's a lot of discourse going on over on TikTok right now regarding Booktok. And as an avid reader, Booktok watcher, and someone who has a deep love for analyzing the media I enjoy, I'd feel remis if I didn't get my thoughts out there.

I know these particular posts never got much engagement when I posted on my old account, but if I could please just have a bit of your time. This is all apart of a larger subject of which I'm extremely passionate on.

Four days ago Booktoker @bookishwithb aka, Celine, posted a video. In that video she talked about the rise of anti-intellectualism, specifically on booktok. She addresses the way books are "marketed" or presented on booktok, and also how that has an impact on the publishing industry.

Her main talking point was how a lot of books are being recommended based on what tropes are in them. More specifically, reduced based on those tropes. Her example being the Poppy War, by R.F Kuang.

She talked about how she's seen it marketed as a book with "a strong female main character." And how infuriating that was to her. She went on to explain how there was so much more to the book and how it was about war, and trauma, and how dark and deep and impactful it is. I highly recommend this video to anyone interested. Because while controversial it says a lot about the "tropeification" of media (which will probably be a post by me sometime in the future).

And as is the ways of the internet, this sparked something huge.

So many different creators responded to her video. Some agreeing, most disagreeing. There's been outrage, and healthy debate. But mainly (and most importantly) conversation. Everyone throwing their two cents in, people defending the right to read what you want how you want.

And since the original video went up, this conversation has taken on a life of it's own. It's now become about reading for fun Vs. reading for analysis.

Many argue that it doesn't matter why people read, or how. Just that they are. Others argue it's a sign of a bigger issue that readers no longer engage in the story's their reading.

I have my own opinions. I agree with both sides on certain things, and am overall enjoying the discussions. But, as always, I have things to say.

There are some books that, while entertaining and a fun read, have no substance per say. No analytical value. I think a lot of those three-hundred page medium spice romance books you find on a table at Barnes and Noble fall under this category.

Now, I really love reading those books. Their quick easy reads that keep me entertained. But, they really cannot be analyzed past surface level. Very much not a time to try and think critically.

Those are the books I read for escapism. When I just want to decompress and turn off my brain. Or make a long car ride pass by quickly. And that's okay. Yes? Because it's still reading. I am still gaining something from it. Physiological benefits, it's encouraging and strengthening my empathy. I am still (in some cases) increasing my Lexile, and keeping my brain working. Which is amazing.

Other times I read things with very high analytical value. Such as High Fantasy Novels with social commentary reflecting our world. Or Dystopia packed full with metaphor, allegory, and symbolism. Or even my most recent read for college: Brown Girl In The Ring, by Nalo Hopkinson. An amazing book commenting on the suburban sprawl, and urban decay. Sprinkled with magical realism regarding Afro-Caribbean culture, and even mentions of Romani practices such as Tarot.

These are books I read knowing I need to turn on the part of my brain that's very analytical. That enjoys breaking things down in that way. Storylines I have to engage with on an additional level, otherwise I miss the entire point of this story. It's not only important, but necessary.

So, yes. Reading is reading, now matter what. And any reading is better than no reading. And we should foster that mindset, especially amongst younger generations. But, that doesn't mean you should never engage critically with a book or show or movie you're consuming. Because some media requires that for a base level understanding. And saying that doesn't make me elitist. Or pretentious or judgmental or a snob. Because it's really just true.

I've seen a lot of creators bring up the literacy crisis in youth, specifically in my country (America). How many kids can't read at a level they should be in elementary schools. Even in Highschool. And that we really should all just be content there's an entire community at least reading at all. That we should encourage any and all reading.

And to that I say... yes, but no.

Because here's the thing. There is in the most literal sense, a literacy crisis. The kid's can't read. And it is absolutely devastating. As someone who grew up devouring books every week, reading three grades above my own, it's soul crushing. So I do think reading should be more pushed and encouraged. In school, in the home, everywhere. As much as possible and appropriate for children. Any and all.

But, there's also another literacy crisis. A Media literacy crisis.

Media literacy, the ability to critically analyze and engage with media, is at an all time low. According to a survey done by Media Literacy Now and, the Reboot Foundation, 42% of respondents were taught how to analyze media. Let that sink in. 42%. That's less than half the people who participated in the survey.

(More statistics generated by AI with the following prompt: Give me reliable statistics regarding media literacy in terms of books/reading:

A Survey done by the National Endowment for the Humanities states 65% of adults have low literary skills when it comes to reading comprehension, critical thinking, and expression.

Pew research conducted a survey with resulted in 57% America adults having read at least one book in the last year. With 26% American adults not having read any form of book in the past year. Including audio books.

The American Library Association has said that the average American only reads four books per year. And more developed countries only have average citizens at ten books a year.

An Survey done by Reading Partners has said that 1 and 4 children read at a below basic level by the end of 4th grade.)

And we see this sentiment echoes all over the internet. Constantly videos are made with people talking about how they were never taught Media literacy, and their should be a class all about just that (Which... I have thoughts on. Again, another post).

Even though you can (rightly) argue that this skill was taught. In English class. That's not the point. The point is that people cannot only not read, but most young adults and fully grown adults cannot read critically. Cannot, will not, and aren't.

And in some cases it's because they don't and still don't have the resources. But these statistics aren't just minorities, people in poverty. These surveys and statistics cover people from every walk of life. Poor, Rich, White, Black, Asian, Hispanic. Queer, Straight, Trans, Cis. All ethnicities, wealth brackets, identities. Every demographic. It's indictive of a larger issue.

So we should encourage reading for fun. Reading to read. Reading for escapism. Reading of every kind. But, to claim that there isn't an issue? To trample creators addressing these issues with insults? To claim it's them being pretentious, snobby, elitest, Privileged etc.? That's feeding the issue.

Recently my friend recommended me a video essay, which I unfortunately can't find (Will edit the title when I can).

But in that video, my friend told me that the creator says something... so insightful. She defines stupid as this: Not a lack of knowledge, but the unwillingness to accept new knowledge.

Which is just... such a perfect way to look at it.

You aren't "stupid" for not knowing how to think critically. For not having learned to analyze media, and for not having the resources to do so. But if you have the resources, have the ability to learn how, and you don't/refuse? That makes you stupid.

And by burying your head in the sand and claiming that there is no issue, by hiding behind pseudo offense and that claims of judgement, you're being stupid.

Don't be outraged that the creator of the video that started this all. Don't feel "called out" or judged. Don't put words in her mouth. She wasn't saying people cannot read for enjoyment. She was simply pointing out a larger issue.

--------------------------------------------

To end this very long and tedious post, I'd like to provide a couple of videos in order to help improve Media Literacy! Just some videos I've watched that I found helpful (Also if you just go on youtube and search up "how to analyze..." you'll find so much more)

Crash Course Media Literacy: A playlist series that breaks down media literacy and the history of media as a whole.

How to analyze a Book- 101: This video gives techniques on how to better understand what you're reading, and how to find the main themes and organize them. It gives tips and processes.

How to Read (and Understand) Hard Books: This video breaks down the three types of reading and even gives book recommendations that touch on that.

A beginner's guide to Critical Literary Analysis: This video is made by fellow tumblr user @bluemooniegif (One of us ✊One of us✊). A very good video for beginners. They literally opens the video telling the viewer you don't need any prior knowledge. They also has another video on her channel, which is just the next step up from this one! It's super great, and perfect if you're younger or have less of an understanding on any of this.

Diving into and developing media literacy skills takes effort. It's not a skill you can gain over night, and requires time. But, if you're willing to take that time, a whole new world opens up to you. And you begin to look at everything through a whole new light.