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[moderndavetherapy]

Perfection

Remember Covid?

The whole world shifted and life as we knew it changed with the introduction of this new virus. Wearing masks, cashing stimulus checks, and getting furloughed was the new status quo. The impact Covid had upon society was just as big if not bigger than it had on an individual person. Take that it in....

Covid-19. The latest plague that could weaken your well-being, take away your taste, ruin your respiratory system, and lose your life. Not only could you be killed, but you were guaranteed to be changed at a minimum. The way it altered society was off the charts. Schooling, working, grocery shopping, eating, and simply living were all affected in a negative way. From being deemed vital to finding out you lost your career were two sides of a coin flip that even the most degenerate bettors couldn't quench.

Even though we live in an era filled with scientific and technological advancements beyond the average brain, the human race just can't seem to dodge or dismantle physical and mental illness. These cancers and curses spread like a wildfire, burning up the entire family tree making it its destiny to reach your soul. Three cups of asthma, half a cup of depression, one teaspoon of hypertension and a dash of bipolar is the recipe for one David carbonara.

Lately, theres been one "bug" thats been doing more destruction than Hitler during Nazi Germany. That would be the infection of perfection...

There's got to be at least one asshole thinking, "I can't wait to hear about this privileged white fool's first world problem of not getting the CEO promotion or getting a new Tesla cyber truck in the wrong color." Touche', but hear me out...

Somewhere during the times when I was wee lad, we got a few things twisted and I've been tangled ever since. Ma always said, "Just do your best and everything will be alright." From exquisite performances across all avenues of my life: piano recitals, baseball diamonds, classrooms, laboratories, and damn near everywhere I've been, success has been found with an absence of happiness.

I remember being twelve years old walking away from my favorite place on earth, the little league baseball field. I thought there was a chance I'd be on Sportscenter the next day, after a starstruck performance of going 3-3, 3 HR 6RBI. The ugliest part about the statline was we didn't win the game. As I walked towards my mom's grey honda civic with my three homerun balls in hand, all I could think about was what I could have done different to change the outcome of the game. Instead of celebrating the best game of my life, I played out thousands of scenarios from separate timelines in which the win would've been obtained.

Alright alright, instead of reliving some childhood memories let's take a look at something a little more recent. I took my last job in the cannabis industry as an extraction technician. Essentially my job was to transform flower into various concentrates and my motto was, "Fire in, fire out." I remember my first run, tightening the bolts of a steel column that I just filled with fresh frozen material. My new boss gave me the standard parameters for their system, but I had some other ideas in mind. I'll never forget the liquid gold that poured like honey out of the collection column into the glass baking sheet. I found my favorite metal spatula and started whipping the eventual badder, imagining I was on Hell's Kitchen being watched by Gordon Ramsey. After all post processing was completed and all solvents were purged, it turned into a waiting games as the testing facility diagnosed the samples to determine the results. After four days, I was called into the lab director's office and was interrogated like I was on trial. After learning I had produced one of the best products the company had every seen (one that won the 2020 Jack Herer Cup for Best Sativa Concentrate) I spent more time focusing on the flaws, rather the success. I ignored the obscenely high terpene and THC % results and complained about the slight dryness of the product. Instead of accepting the praise and compliments from coworkers, all that ran through my mind was what could be perfected.

I get it, to some, it may some come off like I'm bitching about minor imperfections. Some kids never get to play organized sports and some adults never get a choice in the careers. That's not the point I'm trying to make. There have been numerous success stories of my life that have resulted in dismay, due to misconstruing trying my best for perfection.

As kids, we are urged to shoot for the stars and strive for greatness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. My favorite athlete is and always will be Kobe Bryant. He didn't win every championship, or even make every clutch shot, but I love him most for his work ethic and mentality. Kobe once said, "I was chasing perfection and excellence, even though I knew I will probably never catch it." I can understand that nobody is or ever will be perfect, but I struggle with accepting it.

Something still hasn't fully clicked between understanding and accepting. I'm not trying to defy gravity or take over the world, but I can't help but think I could've done better in every situation. This nightmare in my overanalytical mind, that runs like Usain Bolt, has led to countless sleepless nights. These sleepless nights allow the infection to spread like a cancer that slowly deteriorates my dreams. It's almost a paradox in itself. Why strive for perfection, when it can never be obtained? Why practice a craft that can never be perfected? The answer is plain and simple...because we can.

The infection of perfection has slowly loosened its' grip upon my throat and I've been able to let out a gasp of relief. I'm not only embracing, but ACCEPTING, that one can perform their best and still make countless mistakes. Most importantly...ITS ALRIGHT! It's fine to keep up with hobbies and activities that you enjoy doing, even if you're not very good at them. We are slowly getting in the habit of being happy knowing that I did everything I could, even if the results are not what we desire. I can go to sleep in peace at night, knowing I didn't execute perfectly. The infection of perfection has enabled me to put forth extraordinary efforts and a work ethic that cannot be learned. I am thankful for that aspect.

Chasing perfection can lead one to new heights and even make the world a better place. Imagine the world without Steve Jobs or Stanley Kubrick. This mindset allowed these two to reach new levels of success. As I've learned more about who I am, I know I will continue the never-ending chase of perfection...

The only difference is that I will now acknowledge my flaws and simply move past them in acceptance, rather than dwell in a fictitious reality I've deemed the Infection of Perfection.

[moderndavetherapy]

Changes

The epitome of life.

One of the most feared, yet yearned actions we humans face habitually.

My favorite Tupac song, even if he ripped it from Bruce Hornsby and the Range.

Before I go down the rabbit hole and dive deep beneath the surface that has been null and void, lets get a few things straight...

The sole point of this blog is to naturally convey the endless thoughts that occur in my mind in an organized fashion that helps me express myself and that others may relate to or enjoy.

The primary reason for creating a blog and posting is to remain disciplined. Yes, I could simply write in a journal or tell myself that I'll write five-hundred words two times a week, but lets face it... by the second week I'll be cheating myself and burning $2.99 on a porous pile and papers bound by sticky tape from Walmart.

In a universe where more people are familiar with ChatGPT and Love Island than a foreign language or the seven wonders of the world, I strive to bring back raw journalism to help others use their brains to think clearly for themselves and ponder common thoughts.

Lastly, in an era of Artificial Intelligence, the common practice of reading and writing has been reduced significantly to a point in which I feel the need enhance my writing skills before I turn into a drooling mongoloid with the vocabulary skills of a toddler.

Alright my actual last point, the words I write are not intended to target any specific person, gain followers, or acquire likes by any means. If you're still reading this, I'm sure I lost a few people by now, and actually find pleasure or peace from my insight...then the least I can do is say thank you. This blog is not for anyone, but myself. However, I am always willing to share ideas, laughs, stories and bond with others on this journey to a better self. I appreciate your support!

So, without further ado, welcome to ModernDaveTherapy! A fresh look at life's common conundrums in an utterly raw fashion.

As I sit by my kitchen island and reflect upon my last day of work, I stare down and notice my chewed up fingernails graciously glide across the keyboard clicking and clacking like a jazzy tap dancer in the roaring 20s. It didn't make sense to me, but I immediately fixated on a small insecurity, rather than vast changes that are about to alter my life. The simple thought of a perfect fingernail conquered all other thoughts from changing jobs, to changing living arrangements, to changing self-sabotaging intoxicating actions into disciplined routine of self-growth, all in a matter of seconds. In this very moment, I became vulnerable to the unknown future and acquired a heaping dose of determination to not bite my fingernails...as pathetic as that might sound.

Enough with all the bullshit. I truly believe that the beauty of change resides in the journey of new discovery or the path in which we take to purposely develop a better self or situation. It's immaculate to watch the leaves alter their colors in the midst of autumn, right before they die to the harshness of winter. Let's be realistic though, some us live in the desert and find our life of leaves being pummeled by the 120 degree summer heat that forces a much more antagonistic change than the previous fairy tale. No matter which method of madness may occur, one thing will always stay true... There is always something to learn from every action, no matter the significance.

I reminisced upon my time working at a beverage distributor, engaging in a never-ending battle between the positive glorious memories of happiness and bliss being bogged down by the calamity of corporate culture creating chaos and a lack of control. I started questioning my decision of CHANGE, wondering if something new was worth the so called habitual routine I have endured the past 18 months. Rather than weigh the pros and cons, my mind immediately transported me to my previous occupation. One of the last times I was forced to CHANGE.

Before I CHANGED into a beverage sales rep, I was a scam artist in a cult. My apologies, I sold private health insurance to people that either couldn't afford it or probably weren't healthy enough to acquire the plan. I began my day around 3:45AM every morning with a breakfast of white lines and prescription pills, followed by a shower and a Jimmy Dean Egg White Delight. After robotically calling hundreds of people and spamming their phone with several texts from multiple phones, it was time to refuel for lunch. I binged on fast food, nose nachos, and amphetamines to prep me for another grueling afternoon of begging innocent individuals for their banking and routing information.

I endured twelve months of this paradoxical prison before questioning my own reality. It all began with a simple CHANGE of thought. A minuscule thought developed into a series of small CHANGES that eventually led into what I felt was freedom. Before I knew it, the shackles had abandoned me and the CHANGES I decided upon granted me with a new life.

As I shifted back to this very present moment, I easily recognized the importance of change. Without change, we leave no room for growth and learning. Every change in my life has resulted in something resourceful, even if it has been painful in the process. Changing locations across country, career paths across industries, hobbies and even homies; has created this adventure called life and led me one step closer to understanding who the fuck I actually am.

The debate of pondering if I made the right decision concluded rapidly. The fear of change abruptly disappeared. The recollection of past perfection transduced into a simple message, "Nothing lasts forever, but more will readily come." I immediately embraced the changes that the future held, knowing that I was ready for a new adventure and that it was time to move on.

I think it's funny to fear change. It's easy to get lost in the depths of contentment, but as time endures it transforms into anguish. As the peace of reality slowly turns to turmoil, a change must be made. After all has been learned and growth has been stunted, a change must be made. When boredom strikes, a change must be made.

As I glanced back at my fingertips I glared at the imperfections. The callous cuticles overtook my thoughts one last time. Instead of dwelling on the flaws of past actions, I decided to embrace change and learn from previous mistakes. By taking a different path, I should end up in a different place. Who knows, maybe in a month I'll have fingernails and actually have a use for nail trimmer or clipper or whatever its fucking called.

Most people don't like change, but that's normal. The sooner change is embraced, the sooner the fear leaves. It's not easy, but it's inevitable. I think this new job is gonna be just fine.