#this bangs if i do say so myself
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Ferns loomed as I lay
#call of duty#modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare#MWII#CoD MWII#blender renders#Simon Riley#Simon Ghost Riley#damn ghost being dramatic#what else is new#this bangs if i do say so myself
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Got him š¦ Ā©ļø zoe_lixx
#š«°š¤ dog boys#can i just say these 2 interacted a fair amount in sydney but i only saw 2 videos so now im like..... how many dog boy interactions#do we miss#dont people know that I (me) (myself) would like to see#fanpics#bang chan#seungmin
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š§ø Simself š§ø
b/a under the cut
#genuinely proud of this one#my bangs are curly but the rest is spot on if i do say so myself#time to work on the lookbook š#ts4#ts4 edit#sims 4#sims 4 edit#simself
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i started nirvana in fire this weekend and its so good i cant. 3 episodes in i went on ao3 to check if my shipping predictions were correct and i was shocked not to see commander meng x mei changsu higher up lol. i thought the ārecognizing someone after a single meeting even though theyāre using a fake identity and have a whole different face from the last time you saw them which was a decade agoā would have gone somewhere but apparently not! although tbh this was before jing-wang and the āi choose youā scene so. anyway i canāt wait to see where this goes from episode 7! nihuang-junzu is so cool! xia dong-jiejie is so cool! fei liu is adorable! the crown prince is so pathetic and not in a good way! i canāt wait to know everyoneās names and titles and familial connections because at this point the only person whose name im sure i know is mei changsuās! i still donāt know which of his two (not?) friends is who! what the fuck!
#nirvana in fire#langya bang#i thought i could knit while watching this show. i was so wrong#the yt subtitles kind of piss me off bc sometimes they put a completely different sentence to what was actually said#but the effect is close enough so i will deal i guess#im telling myself im studying by watching this show to make myself feel better abt procratinating#but i also donāt understand a lot of what theyāre saying#and i dont think knowing imperial court titles and forms of address are that useful lol#but im having a great time here so all the work i should be doing can wait haha
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I forget it's the Internet and people don't care
#GO#SAY#HI#TO#PEOPLE#talking to myself in the tags is crazy#anyway to everyone i either do or dont interact with i live yall <3#even if I dont show it#yall#are#so#freaking#awesome#*bangs head on table*
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It's gonna be so weird when I have real life friends trying to explain that I used to only be able to say my life is dogshit once or twice a week without clogging the vent channel that we all used to say our life was shit because it was all unanimously shitty for all of us and it was considered rude to bring it up too often even though unanimously it was shitty in ways that we could not control and affected us daily
#Anyway I regularly have to flush toilets for my siblings bc our toilet doesnt flush the same as a functional one and they never bothered to#learn how to do it properly so theres regularly piss or shit in there that I have to flush myself#And ofc 20 seconds after I sit down. At least once a day. Someone comes in and bangs on the wall next to the curtain (no door)#And asks āHELLO?ā and i say hi and they say āWHEN ARE YOU GONNA BE OUT?ā and i say in a minute and they leave and then another 20 seconds#later they come in again#āHELLO?ā today it was on my moms business call#And still. Still#Nobody wants to fix the house.#Unless I'm paying for it.
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jopzer........ good ship.
#beebles#sometimes i forget#and then the terror makes me crazy again#sometimes two lackeys should have a weird strained relationship where one calls the other a class traitor#and then and and then they. and they#good heavens#i should finish things lost things found#good fucking fanfiction if i do say so myself.#thomas jopson and solomon tozer. you are in love.#idc if they never interacted on my screen. they're crazy making.#i used to be number one jopzer poster on ao3 but i haven't written for the terror in like a year lol#and hickeytozer caught my eye.... just a little....#marv got me out of terror slump with baby bang i need them to do some shit like that again
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Maaan I love the optimistic advice "keep practicing and you'll get better at art" as much as the next artist, but it always rubs me the wrong way when that evolves into "just keep practicing and you WILL 100% succeed and CAN get into the industry."
It changes from good general advice to implying you're just doing something wrong if still haven't "made it" yet. Not in the industry? Well, you just haven't worked hard enough, obviously, as if there aren't plenty of other factors that play into "succeedingā in a highly competitive industry like art.
Donāt let advice thatās supposed to be encouraging turn into something discouraging š
#thereās a lot more to worming your way into the art industry than just. studying art real hard and working your bones off#hard work only gets you so far.#a lot of āsuccessā also starts at childhood and that goes for any industry#having supportive family and even better if theyāre financially supportive#good early education. good physical and mental health. the ability to focus and do the same task over and over for hours#good social skills- because networking gets you a lot further than pure talent alone.#growing up in a convienaint location to even network at all. or the power to travel to such a location.#natural talent puts you ahead. brains work differently so itās ignorant to pretend natural talent isnāt a thing#some take to a skill faster than others because their brain comes out more wired for it. so their skills develop easier and faster#music never came to me. I canāt hear the tone of my own voice most of the time. I DID study music and take mystic classes as a teen#itās insulting to be banged over the head with āif you study music youāll start to get it.ā Iām 28#I know myself and have tried during an age which music is easier to learn and yet I did not. I donāt have talent for it- my brain doesnāt-#-grasp it. the same with any art. some will struggle more to learn visual art āgood enoughā for the industry#and implying that they just donāt get it yet becasue they havenāt tried hard enough is insulting#you can always get better. always always!! but sometimes grinding is justā¦ grinding. fruitless and painful#I failed algebra twice as a teen. I couldnāt understand punnet squares till my 20s.#saying work harder and youāll become a math professor would be insulting. implying I never tried to learn at all.#implying that even tho I took tutoring multiple times that maybe. if I just took one more. poor id suddenly be more able.#people work hard and it just clicks and 10 years later youāre in a great art industry jobā¦ youāre not the rule. youāre the exception#ugggh sorry :p just frustrated. sometimes people just donāt realize the kind of luck theyāve had in life and it irritates me
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wondering if there's a character who HASN'T done the Do in heels. ????
#absolutely this thought came up bc i saw shadow lineage yakumo bang eiden while holding him up against the rocks#i looked down and saw yakumo was wearing heels!? for the first time??#ah. no wonder he was extra tall this time#i was saying to myself... how? doesn't it hurt your legs? GEEZ yokai heel wearing abilities are something else#i find heels extraordinarily painful. idk if it's the untrained calf muscles or what#so i had to sit in admiration and awe for a bit. wow! look at him go!#then i wondered... have ALL of them accomplished this impossible (for me) feat?#Quincy would never ? probably??#is it because they're impractical? not great for traversing rough terrain?#idk i'll let the quincy experts weigh in#but i started listing off the characters who HAVE done the do flawlessly in those painful shoes#edmond naturally. kuya of course. maid blade.#i haven't unlocked enough rooms to know#does garu wear heels? would he hate them? would he wear them and be completely unbothered bc his calves are the most powerful of all time?#DOES EIDEN EVER WEAR HEELS?#eiden in stilettos when???#i am torn between eiden beautifully strutting around with the confidence of a drag queen#and eiden tripping after a single step on slightly elevated heels#he can do both. depending on his mood#and depending on who's nearby to conveniently catch him if he were to fall oh so dramatically
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i genuinely miss taking walks thru my campus cemetery. sigh
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Instagram keeps showing me reels of someone with a handle named something like jamesmaythristtraps and like, they are truly doing gods work but I can't like or comment on these masterpieces because I know what kind of snitch of an app it is š
#well atleast now I have figured out how to keep myself warm in upcoming winter months#no but#how do people handle their relatives following them online#????????#pretty recently friend of a friend was like āoh what's your insta =)??ā#and its like#I have four posts and one of those is mf rick astley should I be explaining myself ??#banging my head against the table like why couldn't I just get my fangirling on for bts or something#or maybe more like out of all the 80s acts why did I fall hard for the one who is memed to death#I mean okay rickrolling can be funny#and he looked goofy there#top tier Tintin cosplay#even with my attraction to James its like#I feel like I should be explaining myself because he's old#and most likely not what when people think about male celebrities people drool over ...#maybe shamed myself into thinking āI shouldn't be attracted to thisā āthis is abnormal so it must be wrongā#I mean tons of girlies like men like him#but then I see guys my age say things like āI should go to the gym so women would pay attention to meā#or putting weird flexing photos on their dating profiles (not even just flexing with their muscles but like cars or watches... or fish...)#like I don't care about your boring ass new volkswagen ????#and in that case it wasn't even just one photo... I don't care for new cars they all look the same :-/#it just makes me go ? am I supposed to be attracted to this ?#is this the norm??#why can't I be normal aaaa#so in conclusion#I'm deeply ashamed of my interests and attractions lol#hopefully I will someday grow out of this#all the peer support is welcomed on this post lmao
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i fear i have gone insane (i. have been writing angsty tyzula soulmates almost religiously ever since i found out about tyzula week yesterday. i am almost at 2000 words. i did not write yesterday. my exam finished at 5:30 today. i have not slept)
#um hey guys is this healthy#although the fic is banging if i do say so myself#it's just turning out to be much longer than i anticipated it being#so we'll see if i get it out in time
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dose anybody got experience with suddenly not being able to draw a lot, is this a normal thing now.. maybe two years ago i think i would draw an entire piece every 3 days to a week and to be completely honest with you i was working a pretty heavy job so it isnt that i was working. and now i can do a line like every 2 days. ykwim.
#am i normal or is this bad#just kind of sad#i think i was severely using art as a crutch for my bad mental health and nowadays im doing better so im not always drawing to get away#but also less art... do you get what i mean#banging head against wall#i want to create#im not saying i want to go back to a very intense me tho#cuz i was like. ignoring people shutting ppl out just to focus on art and only art#and that sucked#thatss on the cyclothymia baby#but also i feel fine so why arent i drawing. poking myself with a stick
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I didnāt go to sculpture againā¦ā¦
#please please please I have anxiety I have a mental illness#I canāt make myself go there itās hell idk why Iām just so nervous every time I make myself feel sick#and then I get another excuse not to go becuase I literally feel like Iām gonna throw up#Iām not going to pass if I donāt start going thereā¦ā¦.#and I cannot handle repeating a semester#I live in fear#and it doesnāt help that I have intermedia class later today which is my second greatest enemy and just as dreadful#banging head on the table#I need to be wrapped in a blanket and go to sleep forever#god even if I go there Iām never going to be able to come up to my prof and talk to him about my project I get physically Iāll at the#slightest suggestion from my friends that I should finally do it#everyoneās done it already#I will literally cry if anyone talks to me#the profs just intimidate me so badly I feel like they hate me#and everyone says theyāre super nice but I canāt make myself believe ittttt they will eat me alive#but if I never go I wonāt pass the class and repeating the semester will cost money#pleas I have the stupid project idea ready but I just canāt do it Iāve thought about just emailing them and doing it all through email but#I couldnāt do that either Iām just in panic mode instantly#so yeah Iām just venting not asking ppl for solutions š¶āļø I just donāt want to text my friend again bc Iāve been putting way too much on#them#they do practically everything for me anyway bc I canāt do shit by myself#uh ok I just need to put this SOMEWHERE#Iām gonna curl up and draw metal or whatever#ugh I know Iām making things worse by not coming#but I canāt make myself I just cant Iām gonna have an anxiety attack āļø#no one look at me#I being sensitive and vulnerable here
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plotting montage, Nirvana in Fire ep. 28
#nirvana in fire#lang ya bang#xiao jingyan#mei changsu#this one turned out well if I do say so myself!#nif drawings#something i#my art now
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#i don't think the fic is bad or anything but it fought me more than any story has this year. mostly bc of how i've been feeling?#and i think i could've made it a lot better if i'd shelved it for like two or three months tbh#until i was in the right mindset to try to say what i was trying to say? which is one of the main reasons why i shouldn't do big bangs tbh.#but! it's done. and that's the important thing lmao. and i did say my priority this year is finishing things not making them good#i do feel like. there's? some pressure? well-meaning and incredibly kind to be clear! but i do.#but i feel like i have. expectations? on me? and i'm not sure this is going to live up to them?#which is. like i think the story turned out fine but i feel like ppl expect more than fine? from me?#which!!! sounds conceited!!! i am aware!!! but i don't mean it in conceited i mean it like. i'm /stressed/ lmao.#like i think i'd be more okay with failing to meet my own expectations if ppl were okay w/ expecting less from me?#this is a mess.#i just wish i could be proud that i got it finished and instead didn't feel like i was going to let ppl down who expected more?#anyway. i've been working on my internal expectations this year. and i think next year has GOTTA be about external expectations lmao.#like it's absolutely no one's fault it's my own bad brain and you're absolutely not responsible for my feelings!! it's just.#anyway. i'm going to focus on being proud of myself for finishing it because it was very very very hard for me to do that#so it's done! and that's exciting!#and that's gotta be the most important thing for me rn lmao#stretching that writing muscle tag
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