#this balls so hard 24 hours 7 days 4 seasons out of the year

[im-sleepdeprived]

Seasonal • Pt. 4

pairing: peter parker x reader

summary: inspired by the taylor swift song ‘peter’ where you and peter discover just how hard it is to hold on to something from your past, no mater how much you love each other

a/n: you guys i hate it here, like i actually just want them to make out already, also to the person who commented a couple chapters ago saying they wanted to see peter’s pov, this is for u

warnings: awful descriptions of photography (im not a photographer im so sorry pls lets all just ignore it), reader just straight up dipping in every situation, jealous pete lmao, reader trying to be mad, also i made peter super hot, like, more hot than usual (i was ovulating) ok bye

masterlist, read part 1, part 2, part 3

Peter had always known he would be with you. It was only a matter of when. When would he get the balls to act on his never-ending crush?

For a minute there, he had you. He felt like he owned the world. You wanted him, you loved him, and he thought the wait was finally over. This was the moment all the other moments in his life had led to. 

He’d never told you (nor will he ever) but he’d never done a project on astronomy. That night you’d helped with his wounds after he’d crashed on your fire escape (the night he was hurt and all he had wanted was to see a familiar face, and his first thought was you), the night you’d told him you had a special interest in stars, he’d went home and stayed up all night to learn everything he could about them. 

After doing that for several days, he took a night off patrolling to swing around the whole city (and a little further, if he were being honest) to find the perfect spot for your little stargazing date.

He just wanted everything to be perfect for you, always. It was why he used to wake up an hour earlier every day before school and grab you a cup of your favorite coffee from your favorite cafe. It was why he made sure to pay extra attention in your least favorite classes, the ones you struggled with the most, so he could help you with your homework and notes because he knew you’d need it. It was why he tied your shoelaces every time they came undone and you just ignored it. He held open every door, he cooked sometimes (though poorly), and he randomly bought you flowers and left you little notes everywhere. 

All he wanted was for you to be completely happy. Which is why he had to end things. Every part of his heart disagreed, every inch of his bones disagreed. But he knew the reality of the situation, and he couldn’t do that to you.

Peter couldn’t leave you stuck in a dorm room, missing out on parties or hang outs with your friends, waiting for him to call. He couldn’t be the reason your phone was stuck in your face 24/7, worrying about him. He couldn’t have you staying up till 3AM waiting for him to send you a text telling you he was okay, that patrolling that night had gone well. Even if it hadn’t. 

College was so important to you. You’d tried to downplay it to him but he knew how much you were looking forward to this, and he couldn’t be the one to take away from that experience. 

He didn’t transfer back here for you. 

Or at least, that’s what he spent countless hours and sleepless nights trying to convince himself. New York was his home, it needed him, it needed Spider-Man, May was getting older, he should be close to her, Columbia was a great school, it was his first choice. The fact that you went there was just a perk. 

Or a con. 

He wasn't sure anymore because seeing you here, in front of him for the first time in years, it left him breathless. 

Peter was always a romantic, though he’d be loathe to admit it. He wanted that one true love, he wanted someone to come home to and talk about his day with, and afterwards he would listen to theirs. He wanted late night talks, early morning confessions. Dancing in the kitchen while food cooked on the stove, getting so lost in each other’s eyes that it almost burns. And he genuinely thought you two would find your way back to each other somehow, because he’d known since he was a little boy it would always be you.

But now he’s started to wonder if just because it would always be you, that might not mean he would actually get to have you. 

Because there’s a man beside you. 

He’s holding your waist. 

And you’re not pushing him away. 

“Ace?” Asked the man (who looked nothing like Peter, by the way, and it was driving him insane). Now Peter never considered himself a violent person. As a preteen and an early teenager, he’d been puny and weak, but even after he’d became Spider-Man he never liked to resort to violence unless absolutely necessary. But right that moment, he felt an inexplicable, almost primal rage he’d never felt before. And he wanted to punch this man in the face. Yeah, that sounded like it could help. 

“Yeah,” you laughed. “Old nickname.”

The man beside just narrowed his eyes slightly, which didn’t help Peter’s urge to sock him in the face. He watched as his grip around you tightened and the man pulled you in closer, almost possessively. “Introduce me babe.”

Babe? Was this guy for real?

“Oh right,” you shook your head slightly and let out another slightly too high-pitched laugh and Peter almost felt bad for putting you in such an awkward position. “James, this is Peter. He’s an old friend of mine from high school. Peter, this is James. My boyfriend.”

Peter’s heart sank. He shouldn’t have been surprised, and he wasn’t. He could tell by the way James was holding you, the way he called you babe (which was tacky in Peter’s opinion. You deserved something a little more special than ‘babe’ ugh) but hearing you say it? He was afraid he might blackout. 

He hadn’t expected you to go celibate or anything, but damn. Hearing you call someone else your boyfriend fucked with him in ways he’d never experienced. 

He could see the shock in your eyes, the disbelief as you stared at him as if you couldn’t really trust yourself to see what you were seeing.

“So…how’ve you been?” He asked casually, as if his heart wasn’t racing out of his chest right then, and he knew yours was doing the same.

Your brows furrowed, “I—I’m good, wait,” you scoffed and closed your eyes tightly before opening them again. “What are you doing here Peter?”

Right. You didn’t know. Fair enough, he hadn’t told anyone until everything was already set in stone. “I just transferred in this semester. I go here now.”

And if he thought your eyes couldn’t get any wider, he was wrong. He almost thought that they’d fall out of your head. 

“What?!”

The shock was written all over your face, but…there was something else, something he couldn’t quite place. After years of knowing you, it was concerning to him that he might not be able to read you as well as he used to. 

Peter wasn’t sure what kind of reaction, exactly, he was expecting, but it wasn’t this. He tried his best to only stare at you because he really didn’t want to look at fucking James right now. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden, “it just…felt right. Thought I belonged here.” His voice was quiet because he wasn’t even sure if that was true anymore. Was this right? Did he belong here anymore?

You stood perfectly still, no emotion on your face, and he wished more than anything he could read your mind right then. James looked back and forth between the two of you before he lightly tapped your hip, making peter’s heart churn, “I think we should get going, we’re gonna be late.”

He watched you look up at him, dazed, “Oh right, yeah, we should go. Bye Peter,” you didn’t even look at him as you said it, turning around and leaning into James’ hold as you walked away. 

Yeah, this definitely wasn’t how he expected this to go.

“You wanna talk about that?”

You scoffed. “Not really, no.”

“So he’s an ex,” James replied, and it wasn’t a question. You trudged forward, feeling an uncomfortable tightness in your chest. Almost two years. Almost a whole two years where you’d imagined countless scenarios of how your reunion would go, but you’d never imagined he’d ambush you on your college campus, claiming that he’d transferred, while you were walking around campus with your current boyfriend.

You inhaled deeply. “Yeah, and I have no clue what he’s doing here.” You’d never really told him about Peter, it just hadn’t come up. If you had to refer to him while sharing a story, it was always as an ‘old friend’ or ‘neighbor from across the hall’. You’d never liked calling him an ‘ex’.

“Well I do,” you looked up at him questioningly. “He transferred this semester, obviously.” You huffed out a laugh and tried to focus on your footsteps. Just keeping walking forward, you thought. God, not even a full 5 minutes together and it’s like he’s completely thrown you off.

“Where’d he go before?”

He didn’t know anything. You were so used to the people in your life being so involved with you and Peter, already knowing everything, knowing when and where to bring him up after the breakup (usually trying not to bring him up at all for your sake) and you guessed that’s why you’d never told James about him, it was nice to have someone who didn’t know everything there was to know about you and your past. This way, you’d get to unveil those things at your own pace. 

“He went to Duke.”

James whistled. “Good school,” he admitted, and you nodded. It was a good school. It was a great school that was 8 hours 27 minutes and 36 seconds, which is how far away Peter was supposed to be. But he wasn’t. He was here, attending the same school you were, the same school he was originally supposed to attend. With you.

“He seems cool enough, maybe we’ll see him around.” You wanted to give James credit for how cool he was trying to be about this. 

“Maybe,” you forced a smile. You wondered just how much you’d be seeing him around and just what that meant.  

“Pete you have no right to be upset about this,” May said, shaking her head on the other side of the phone.

“Don’t you think I know that,” he groaned and clutched the phone tighter to his ear as he walked around campus. It had been a couple of days since your little interaction and it had been on his mind since it happened. He couldn’t stop thinking about you. “And I’m not upset! I’m just…surprised.”

“What were you expecting?” May asked. 

“Not him, thats for damn sure,” he mumbled grumpily. Truthfully, James had never done anything to make Peter hate him, he might even be an okay guy, but that wasn’t for Peter to find out because he was dead set on hating his guts, valid reasoning or not.

“Pete he’s not that bad,” his aunt tried to reason. “He’s actually an okay guy, he’s sweet and—”

“She deserves more than okay! And what about—wait a minute…have you met him?”

The line was quiet for a moment, confirming his suspicions. Peter scoffed just as May said, “it’s not like that! He came over during winter break and I happened to run into him. I spent a few hours at their apartment and—I don’t have to explain myself to you! Look Peter,” May sighed and he could picture her rubbing her temple the way she usually did when he got a little too much for her sometimes, “you broke up with her, you stopped reaching out, and you were the one who chose not to see her during your winter break,” she scolded through the phone and Peter felt his whole body flush with shame and guilt. He had done those things and there was no denying it, but while he might’ve considered them the only options at the time, god did he regret all of it after seeing you with that guy.

“I know,” he admitted in a low voice, “I did fuck up, and we can talk about that later but I’ve gotta go for now, May, bye.”

“Bye, Pete,” she replied, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” he hung up and stared at the door in front of him. After your first meeting, he wasn’t sure if this was as good an idea he had built it up to be in his head. 

Too late, he thought, and pushed open the door too the newsroom. 

“Hey, Peter right?” A redhead approached him with a bright smile on her face.

“Yeah that’s me,” he shrugged his backpack higher onto his shoulder and held out a hand.

“Alyssa, I’m the editor,” she said as she accepted his handshake, “I cannot tell you what a jam you’ve gotten us out of, really we’ve never run this low on members. Usually, we’re fighting them off with a stick, but apparently there aren’t too many people into photography right about now.”

“Oh hey, no problem. I saw the notice in the newsletter,” he shrugged, “thought I’d try something new.”

“Well, I really appreciate that Peter, I saw the photos you sent me, they’re amazing. Honestly, if the ones you submit for the paper are half as good, we’re going to be perfect.”

“Thanks Alyssa,” he always appreciated when people spoke well about his photography. You were always his biggest fan when it came to his interests and hobbies. You knew everything about him, from big to small, and yet you never belittled any part. He wondered if you had any clue how much that had meant to him. In a world where people praised Spider-Man for being the strong willed hero he was while simultaneously berating Peter for…well everything, you did the opposite. You loved him, every part. From the boy who went out to fight crime almost every free hour he could get, to that same boy who would sit on your bedroom floor and do physics homework with you and was crazy good at it.

He felt a sudden nervous feeling overtake him at the thought of seeing you again in the newsroom. He knew you were on the paper, duh, but when he’d seen the notice that the news team was in need of an extra photographer to two this season, he’d thought it a good opportunity. It definitely didn’t have anything to do with you, or spending time with you. Of course not.

Alyssa walked him around, introduced him to some of the people there, the other photographers (only one, at present, his name was Ryan. Apparently there was a shortage of people willing to take photos for the paper this semester), and by the end of his mini tour he couldn’t deny the small amount of relief at not seeing you…and yet at the same time…disappointment. Maybe you just weren’t in today.

He spoke to soon.

Stopping back at the front of the room, Alyssa turned to him again, “Well, I think that’s most of the people, at least, who are in today. Y’know, it’s pretty slow for start of the semester—” Her eyes darted somewhere behind him, obviously distracted by something. Peter watched her face light up before she said, “Oh! Looks like I was wrong,” she beckoned someone to come closer. Peter could feel the vibe shift in the room. “Peter, this is Y/N!”

Peter turned and could see the exact moment you faltered. Clearly, Alyssa didn’t. Nor did she notice the not-so-subtle looks you were throwing her way. “Y/N this is Peter, he one of our new photographers.”

To make things even better, James chose right then to walk in. “And this is James!”

James came to stand right beside you, taking up a stance much similar to the one he had during their first meeting, except this time his arms draped over your shoulder and tugged you into him. 

“Oh, we’ve met. Patrick, right?”

Peter definitely didn’t like this guy. 

“Peter,” Alyssa corrected, “I was just introducing him to Y/N, he’s a part of the photography team.”

“Oh I don’t think they need much of an introduction.” James remarked. You winced. Peter wanted to punch him. Poor Alyssa was growing more confused by the second.

“So…have you two met as well?” She tried. 

“Lyss do you remember when I told you about Peter from high school?” You trailed off at the end, hoping she’s catch it on her own.

Alyssa snorted, “You mean the dick who broke up with you on graduation? Yeah I remember—” she gasped and looked at Peter, then back at you. 

You nodded. Alyssa couldn’t keep the shock off of her face. Finally, James spoke up, “And as lovely as this has been, we should really get to work.” Peter watched as he pulled you away to a pair of desks on the other side of the room. He watched you take a seat at one, James at the other, and he wondered if this was how you’d met him. Did you like him because he attractive? Funny? What about him had caught your attention in the first place? And then the worst thought of all, did you love him? Peter repressed a shudder, he couldn’t handle that right now, or maybe ever. 

He turned back to Alyssa, who had been standing quietly beside him since her earlier remark about him (rightfully so, he had been a dick), “So where should I set up?” He lifted his backpack on his shoulder for emphasis. 

Wordlessly and wide-eyed, Alyssa pointed to an empty desk. It was two desks across from yours.

This was going to be interesting. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me your Peter was here! In Columbia! Joining the paper!”

It hadn’t taken your roommate long to find some (shitty) excuse to drag you out to the hall to give you the talking-off you were expecting. “I can go in there and fire him right now!” She was flexing her powers as the new editor. 

Lyss had made abrupt climb to editor at the end of last semester. Brandon had resigned to take some time to himself while he applied to grad schools all over the country and went through the trials and tribulations that was senior year of undergrad and honestly, you couldn’t have thought of anyone better to take him place. You’d all gone out to celebrate, the whole news staff, but the two of you and James had had your own little celebration at your apartment later that night.  

“I’m sorry! It’s just been so hectic! You’re so busy all the time, you’re barely home, and honestly I didn’t really believe it at first. And he’s not my Peter,” you scoffed, “he’s just Peter.”

Lyss snorted, “Y/N there’s no way you could possibly think I’m too busy to hear about all this, this is huge! Tell me everything!” She exclaimed eagerly. “When’d you first run into him? How did James know? Did you tell him? Oh my god, what did he say?”

“Calm down girl,” you held up both hands. “I ran into him a couple days ago, James was with me, and he was actually super cool about it!”

Lyss gave you a look. “What?” You asked confused. 

“Now, what exactly had you thinking he was cool about it? ‘Cause that was not the vibe I was getting in there.”

“What do you mean?”

“Patrick? Please,” she giggled, “that was totally on purpose, of course he remembered his name. And the way he had his arm around you?”

You sighed and ran a hand through your hair, “This is all so crazy. I don’t know what hell he’s doing back here.”

Lyss perked up, “My offer to fire him still stands babe! Just say the word and poof,” she made a gesture with her hands, making you laugh.

“We both know can’t actually do that. We’re running low enough on photographers as it is, you can’t just fire a perfectly good one.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged, “I can always grab a camera and try my hardest. I always thought I’d be great at photography.”

You grinned, walking back towards the door to the newsroom, Lyss following beside you, “Oh yeah? How come?”

“I don’t know,” she frowned, “that was a total fucking lie, I’ve never thought twice about photography. But I probably could do it! If it came down to it.”

You laughed as you entered, but one of the other writers quickly interrupted it “Alyssa, we need your help with this layout.”

Lyss looked at you smiling, “Duty calls, this isn’t over.”

You smiled, “Go. We’ll talk later.”

As she walked off, you made your way to your desk, avoiding any eye contact with Peter. It was just your luck he got sat right across from you. You briefly wondered if Alyssa’s editor could get him moved. You’d have to bring this up with her later.

A file dropped on your desk, causing you to look up. James stood above you, smirking and successfully blocking your view of Peter (if you were trying to look over at him, which you weren’t). You wondered it he’d done that on purpose. “Those copies you were looking for,” he proclaimed, pointing towards the file, “fresh out the printer. 

Shit. You had completely forgotten about these with everything and you needed them to finalize the current article you were working on. Smiling, you gushed jokingly, “My hero, thank you so much!” 

James’ smirk grew as he placed his hands on his hips dramatically. “Just call me your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.”

You were about to laugh until you heard a scoff come from behind him. Your smile fell from your face and you watched James’ expression change as he turned to see Peter. “Something funny man?”

“No,” Peter replied, not even bothering to look up from his computer. That was until he let his eyes meet yours. It was barely a second, but it was long enough for James to notice. 

James stood perfectly still in his spot in front of your desk before silently walking over to his and taking a seat without another look at either of you. 

You tried to get him to look at you so you could silently apologize or something, but he wouldn’t budge. 

You weren’t sure how this was going to work. 

You swiped your hair out of your face as you walked out of the lecture hall, your shoes echoing on the hard-tile floor. Stepping out of the building, you took a deep breath. You’d had a long day and you couldn’t wait to get to your apartment and crash on the couch. You weren’t even sure if you could make it to your room. You’d try to get in a nap before you were supposed to meet up with James tonight. The two of you had been busier lately and you’d felt bad about everything going on with Peter, so you tried to set aside some time just for you and him. It was going to be a low-key night, just the two of you ordering in, maybe watching a movie, you thought it was much needed.

Your breath caught in your throat when you saw Peter leaning against the wall of the building adjacent to the one you just exited. The photography building. You hadn’t seen him recently. Even at the newsroom, it seemed the two of you had different schedules lately. 

You kept your head down, hoping he wouldn’t notice you. 

“Hey Ace! Wait up.”

Clearly, you wouldn’t be so lucky.

You paused, not even bothering to pretend like you hadn’t heard him. It was Peter, you knew him better than you knew yourself, he would’ve just chased after you. 

You took in his appearance as he walked up to you. You hadn’t really given yourself the chance before, with James around and everything…Peter had changed. You could see it now clearer than ever. He moved with a confidence in himself and with his body he hadn’t possessed before. And he looked buffer. 

Peter had told you how after the bite, everything had changed, his senses, his appearance, and while he had definitely been strong before…now there was visible muscle to back it up. You suspected than even if he tried to hide under baggy sweaters like he did back in high school, it wouldn’t work. But something told you that this new Peter was done hiding.

Gone was the scrawny little kid you’d known your entire childhood and before you stood a handsome young man who would’ve left that same little kid awestruck. “Been hitting up the gym?” You asked once he was close enough to hear. 

Peter chuckled, “Yeah, actually. I started back in freshman year, it helped clear my mind off everything.”

How someone could possibly juggle classes, homework, super hero work, workouts, and manage to eat, sleep, and drink, you’d never know. But if anyone could do it it was Peter. 

“May and I were talking.” Safe bet to start with May, you thought. “She was asking about you, said its been a while since she’s seen you.”

“Mhm,” you agreed, a little confused as to where he was going with this, “I haven’t been home in a bit, but we’ve texted.”

“Oh yeah, that’s nice!” Peter reached to scratch the back of his neck, a nervous tic of his you knew all too well. “If you wanted you, could come over for dinner with us sometime. She’d love to have you.”

“Umm…” was he serious right now? “Thanks Peter, but my schedule’s kinda packed right now. I’ve got like three essays due and I have a big article coming up soon, so I’ll have to pass. Tell May I miss her too though.”

“Oh, the competition, right? That’s coming up soon, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is. You know about it?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I think I heard Alyssa mention it and you having something to do with it. Congratulations, by the way, I heard it’s a pretty big deal.”

You grinned, “It is. Front page big deal. I’m excited.” You admitted. 

Peter smiled, so genuine you could see those crinkles form beside his eyes. You remembered how you used to trace them with your fingers. “All your writing belongs on the front page, if you ask me.”

You blushed. He couldn’t just say things like that, not anymore. “Thanks, but you haven’t even read any of it yet.” You hadn’t had a piece published since he’d arrived here, he couldn’t have read any of your work yet.

“That’s not true,” he said simply, with no further elaboration. 

Your phone rang, cutting off your conversation. Reaching into your pocket, you pulled it out to see James’ name flashing across your screen. You held up a finger to Peter and walked a few paces away before answering. 

“Hey!”

“Hey babe, so listen, Nash just broke up with his girl and we thought we’d take him on a barhop to cheer him up. I’m picking you up at 10.”

Your brows furrowed. Barhopping did not sound like something you wanted to do tonight, or ever. And didn’t you already have plans? “Um, weren’t we supposed to hang out tonight?”

“Oh pfft, that wasn’t anything special, we were just going to order takeout. So 10?” Oh. You’d beg to differ, him and his friends always found an excuse to get absolutely plastered at least once a week, and the two of you had barely seen each other. At first you’d thought he was a little upset with you because of the whole Peter thing but now…you wondered if he even cared. 

You cleared your throat, rubbing the palm of your empty hand on your shirt. When had you gotten sweaty? “No I think I’m good. I have some stuff to work on, but you have fun though! I’ll keep the door unlocked tonight.” It wouldn’t be the first time you’d nursed a drunk and incoherent James (and terribly hungover in the morning)

“Damn, you sure?”

You hummed in response.

“Kay, bye.”

“Bye.”

You shoved your phone back into your pocket. At least now you could take as long as you wanted with your nap. 

“Is he always like that?”You jumped. You had completely forgotten Peter was still there, and now he was stepping closer to you, taking back the distance you’d put between you to answer your phone call.

“I’m sorry?”

“Your boyf—James, is he always like that? Partying, getting drunk, barhopping?” Right…Peter wasn’t just Peter. He was also Spider-Man, which meant he’d just heard everything. As if this day couldn’t get fucking better. You didn’t need your ex-boyfriend judging your current one, he had no right.

“No.” You frowned. “So what if he likes to party sometimes? Isn’t that what college is about?”

“I’m not attacking him Ace. I guess I was just wondering how the two of you got together when you’re so different. I mean, even to someone who doesn’t know you as well as I do, it doesn’t take me to figure out barhopping isn’t your scene.”

“Well maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” you snapped back, “not anymore at least.”

Peter paused, a look of hurt flashing across his features, as if that were something he hadn’t even considered. A small part of you relished in it, in him knowing things had changed since the last time you’d seen each other, and he couldn’t just ignore that. No amount of pretending would fill in that gap. 

“Goodbye Peter.” You didn’t want to talk about James with him anymore than you already had. 

“The invitation still stands,” he blurted. You gave him a weird look. “To dinner,” he explained, “the invitation still stands. I meant what I said, May would love to have you over, and so would I. So if you’ve ever got the time…” he trailed off.

You couldn’t help the soft smile that graced your face. Only Peter could switch your moods so fast, and you had no doubt he meant it about the dinner, just like you had no doubt he would also completely understand if you ignored his offer altogether. 

“Thank you Petey, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Thank you Petey,” 

God he’d bet you didn’t realize it, that the nickname had just rolled off your tongue. You probably hadn’t thought twice about, he, however, certainly had. In fact, the moment hadn’t left his mind. You’d given him a smile so sincere, he would’ve given you anything you asked for just to keep you looking at him like that. And paired with the nickname? He was done for. 

He had sat outside the English building in hopes of finally getting to see you again. He was starting to believe he must be a masochist, because every time he saw you it felt like a punch to the gut. Was it possible for someone to get more beautiful by the second? But he couldn’t help it, he was drawn to you, always had been and always will be. 

The worst of it was when you were with James. God, just thinking the name made his entire mood sour. But seeing the only girl he’d ever loved with someone else made him want to punch something (someone; and that someone was James). And hearing that phone call you’d had with him only further pissed him off. How the hell could he even think to ask you to go barhopping, if he knew you at all he would know that you would much rather prefer a quiet night at home. And it seemed that was exactly what you had planned, before that douchebag cancelled to go out with his friend. 

He had been out patrolling most of the evening and well into the night. Now he was on his way home, it had been a quiet night so he thought he might as well retire early. He could always come back out if need be. That was one of the greater things about college, more freedom, a more flexible schedule, unlike high school. 

Just as he was swinging his way back home, he caught sight of a familiar figure lounging on a fire escape. You were home. Peter hadn’t really spoken to you since he’d caught you walking of class. You’d see each other around, but there was nothing more than brief moments of eye contact. 

You looked peaceful, reading silently as a soft light filtered through your window. He was going to change that. 

He landed softly a couple stories above you. Flipping over, he shot out a web and caught himself so he was hanging upside down. Slowly, he lowered himself until he his head was almost brushing the floor of your fire escape. “How’s it hanging?”

You shrieked, dropping your book in fright. Now, Peter would never want to actually scare you, but he couldn’t help messing around every now and then. 

“What the fuck Peter,” you hissed, one hand resting on your heart as you breathed heavily. Peter righted himself and landed completely in one smooth motion.

He swiped off his mask and grinned. “I thought it was funny.”

You whacked him with your book. 

Peter threw his arms up and cowered slightly, “Mercy! Mercy!”

“Shut up!” You laughed softly, “Someone might hear you.”

He put arms down and fixed you with a serious expression, “Did you or did you not just scream a couple of seconds ago?”

You whacked him with your book again.

Peter was cackling like a madman at this point and it didn’t take long before you were joining him. The two of you stayed like that for a moment, laughing together on your fire escape, a place ripe with memories of your life together before. 

“What’re you doing here?” You asked once you’d calmed down and caught your breath again. 

“I was swinging back home when I saw you out here reading. Thought I’d stop by and say hey.”

“Or give me a heart attack,” you murmured. 

He laughed again, “Sorry about that.”

“No you’re not,” you rolled your eyes but your smile escaped. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied, grinning. This was nice, so nice. 

You fell into a soft silence, neither of you wanting to break the comfortable atmosphere you’d created. You decided to speak up, but so did he. 

“I wanted to—”

“Ace I—”

You looked at him and held back a laugh. He shook his head softly and smiled. Settling down across from you, Peter stretched his legs out (longer than they were before, and taking up more space, he almost didn’t fit), and he pointed towards you, “You first.”

“Fine. I wanted to say sorry for snapping at you so much since you’ve been back. Its just been…” you fidgeted with your hands and bit your lip, “weird.”

His heart fell a little bit, why in the world would you be apologizing? “Ace, you don’t need to apologize for a thing, I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. I’m sorry Ace, I know its weird, I know you had no warning when I just popped back into your life, and I know it’s weird.” He nudged your leg with his and smiled, “Hell I’m lucky your even talking to me right now.”

You narrowed your eyes, “Well it’s not like you gave me much of a choice, you cornered me on my own fire escape!”

He laughed. “True, I guess.” Peter added a dramatic sigh before his next sentence, hoping to hide how nervous he actually felt, “I could always go if you want me to.”

“No,” you said softly, “I don’t mind.”

Peter felt like doing a happy dance.

“What’re you doing home?” He asked. He knew you had your own apartment near campus (with Alyssa, he’d learned. He quickly, learned how close you two were, he was glad you had a friend like that.) and he  couldn’t think of a specific reason you’d be home. 

“My mom bought some new furniture and she asked me to come help her put it together. I figured I’d just spend the night.”

“Oh? I thought she was banned from shopping?”

“She was! Until she wasn’t.” You laughed out loud, making Peter laugh as well. 

The night went on like that, you and Peter sharing simple conversation. You avoided touching on the touchier subjects for now. You weren’t exactly ignoring them, both of you knew they were there, sitting beside you as you conversed, waiting to be picked apart and discussed at length. It just seemed that the two of you had silently reached an agreement, that for now, you’d enjoy whatever peace you’d found. Because at the end of the day, first and foremost, you two had been friends. The bigger things could come later. 

It had been a week since that night on your fire escape wand you were actually starting to think you could handle Peter being back. Seeing him around had been brief lately, you suspected he was finally getting settled in his classes and his life here, but when you did see him it was easier. Less tension-filled. Unless James was around, that made it harder. 

You were laying on the couch in your living room, Lyss laying opposite you, both your legs meeting in the middle. The two of you were watching Pride & Prejudice (the 2005 one, of course, because no one really cared about the 1995 series) while a bowl of popcorn lay half-eaten on the coffee table in front of you. 

You reached out and grabbed a handful of popcorn, “Kiera Knightley is so fine.”

“Tell me about it, oh my god,” Lyss exclaimed, dramatically fanning herself. “I watched ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ when I was younger, I’ve never been the same since.”

“I know exactly what you mean. Peter and I watched them all together during one of our summer breaks, and that scene with her and Orlando Bloom had me practically drooling.” You giggled. 

“Speaking of Peter,” the way she said it had you thinking she’d been dying to bring this subject up, “how’s that going?”

“Um…good. Well, better, I guess is the right word. Things are going better than the first few times I saw him around but of course there’s still that weirdness.”

“God, I still cant get over how crazy it is that he just randomly pops up here, outta nowhere!” You’d always talked about Peter with Lyss, you’d told her your history with him long before he’d shown up, but now she could finally put a face to the name. 

“You’re telling me,” you snorted. “I saw him when I went back home last week,” you shook your head, “we talked on my fire escape like we used to. It was almost unreal.”

“Weren’t you guys no contact since winter break of freshman year?” She asked. 

You hummed in confirmation and she whistled. “So he hasn’t given you some grand love proposal, has he?”

You choked on a laugh, “No. Of course not.”

“I’m just saying,” she shrugged casually, “you don’t transfer to the school you know your ex-girlfriend attends, join the paper you know she’s on, and hang out on her fire escape where you hung out when you were together unless you still have feelings.”

Frowning, you popped some more popcorn your mouth. You didn’t want to believe Peter still had feelings for you, it would make everything so much harder.of course, there was something there, and if you were being honest, there probably always would be. You were each other’s first loves and that didn’t just disappear into thin air. 

But Peter had left you, and you had a boyfriend now. Everything else was irrelevant.

Lyss leaned over and poked your cheek, “Don’t pout, I was only kidding. Sorta.”

“I know,” you said, shooting her a smile. 

“Stop thinking about him and start think about the killer article you’re going to write me about tomorrow.” She shot you a wink. 

Right. The competition was tomorrow. And you were going with James. 

“OH! Hand clench scene!” Lyss jumped up, tearing you away from your thoughts. 

Peter had left you, and you had a boyfriend now. Everything else was irrelevant.

Tomorrow should make a great distraction.

The venue was beautiful. You made your way around, stopping to appreciate every photograph, taking in all the details of the art hanging on every inch of the walls. You loved it. 

You looked up at James and grinned, “Do you get it now?”

He smiled and shook his head, “To be honest with you, nah.” He smirked at you, “But I’m here with the prettiest girl in the whole school, so what does it matter?”

You flushed and looked down at the empty notepad in your hands, by the end of the night it was probably going to be full. You were going to walk around taking notes of all the unique pieces, but the biggest part of your job today would be later, when they announce the winners. There were three runner ups and then, of course, the first place winner. You’d be speaking to all of them tonight, longer with the winner. 

Just as you’d told James, this thing had a dress code. He had gone for a navy jacket with a white button down underneath, and a pair of white slacks. You were wearing a pretty black dress that fell to just below your knees; it had a soft tulle layer that swished as you walked and floral embroidery that ran along the whole thing, the green of the vines and soft pink of the flowers popping out with the darker undertone. You felt good about tonight, really good. Alyssa had chosen to give you this big piece of news and you weren’t going to let her down. 

You walked around the venue hand-in-hand with James, getting familiar with the art and the artists, stopping by to compliment a few that really popped out to you. Your favorite so far was a stunning picture taken by a girl named Macy, she’d captured of Bow Bridge at Central Park. She’d used some kind of vintage camera giving the photo an ethereal, elegant, romantic feel to it, with the flowers on the bushes, the green of the scenery, and the golden glow on the bridge and the people walking upon it and boating on the waters beneath it, if it was up to you this would definitely be picked as first place. 

You’d tried to get James to see the same beauty you saw in the picture, the almost fantastical vibe of it, looking more like a painting than reality, but he hadn’t understood, claiming it was ‘just a picture of the park’ leaving you more than a little disappointed. Maybe some people really just didn’t understand art. 

“Think we’ve seen almost everything,” you murmured to James as you looked around to see if there was a place you hadn’t been yet. 

“Actually, there’s a few on the other side of that wall we haven’t seen yet,” he pointed, “been seeing lots of people come in and out of there. I think one of the winners might be there.”

“Oh my gosh I completely missed that part, thanks!” You leaned up and pecked his cheek, making him grin. “Anytime babe.”

That would be your last happy moment of the night. 

You walked through the photos slowly and marveled at how, when it came to art, everyone truly had their own style. Each piece had a tag beside it, conveying the name of the work and the name of the photographer. Though most of the presenters liked to hover near their piece in case anyone had questions or wanted to know more, it was easier this way for the judges to get the information they needed. 

You were talking to someone about their picture when James nudged you. “Is that Peter?”

He pointed to your left, and you saw the side-profile of Peter talking to someone with his arms crossed. Peter was here? Well, it did make sense, he was a photographer after all. This was more than his scene. 

“He’s probably here to get pictures for the paper,” you shrugged. 

James held your hand a little tighter as the two of you walked through some more photos. “Alright, this is getting boring,” James sighed heavily. 

“Really?” you frowned, “I really like it. I think its fun.”

He eyed you, “You already got the article babe, you don’t have to put on an act anymore.”

You laughed lightly, but you weren’t really finding this funny, “I’m not acting! Did you see ‘love in the air’? I don’t think I’ve ever seen something more beautiful.” That was the name of the piece you’d loved, and you had to say, it was accurate. It was like looking through rose-tinted-glasses, finding the lovely in everything. 

“The one of the park?” James rolled his eyes, “it’s Central Park, there’s nothing special about it.” You were opening your mouth to argue when he cut you off, “They’re just photos, babe. Now, when are they gonna announce the winners so we can get outta here?”

You frowned and looked down at your watch. There was only about half an hour until winners were announced. You were going to write down something in your notepad when you heard James mutter a curse under his breath and come to a stop beside you, his hand going limp in yours. 

“What? What is it—” you looked up to see what had gotten him and you really wished you hadn’t. In front of you hung a piece you hadn’t seen before, this particular photograph, or photographs as it was more of a collage, had something none of the other ones didn’t…you. 

“Who…?” But it was no use because you knew who, and so did James. 

Neither of you needed to look at the tag to know who the contestant was, but you did anyway. 

‘Seasonal’

By: Peter Parker

It was a bright, colorful, collage conveying the changes of the seasons. One corner had bounds of snowflakes and different clips of snowy fields and icicles, stretching out to merge with the corner opposite of it, summer. Bright blue waves, soft tufts of sand. Both corner melted down the sides of the poster board to create spring, which was full of beautiful, soft colored flowers, sprouting up as if just given life. The project was beautiful, you had to admit. You’d known Peter had a knack for photography but all these photos, the dedication to this project, was extremely admirable. There had to be hundreds of photos, cut up, some bigger than others, and perfectly arranged with each other to create this harmonic view of nature, all taken by him,  

But the problem was the center. Autumn. Which was you. It took up the middle body of the collage, it was dead center. Unlike the other seasons, this one didn’t have multiple photos bringing it together, it was the key piece, all the others worked to make this one shine. 

That picture Peter had taken of you in Central Park, the one where he’d gotten you to lay on a pile of leaves, made you laugh so he could capture the perfect shot. You’d forgotten about it, honestly, you weren’t even sure if you’d seen it after it was taken. But now, here it was, over two years later, submitted in a fucking photography competition. 

“What do you think?” You weren’t sure how long you were there, staring at that photo of yourself, it could’ve been hours, days even, before that heart-wrenchingly familiar voice.

You turned around quickly, coming face to face with Peter, who was looking at you with a heavy expression. You had seen him earlier when James pointed him out, but it was from across a crowded room and you’d only seen his side. He towered over you now, in a black button down, with black slacks and a black belt. You knew you shouldn’t even be thinking it, but he looked good. His shirt fit him perfectly, hugging him in all the right places, and he had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off his thick forearms. It wasn’t until he crossed them over his chest and looked at you expectantly that you realized you were staring and he was waiting on an answer. 

Before you could give it to him, James spoke up, “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve.” His voice was low and angrier than you’d ever heard it, causing alarm bells to go off in your head. Peter didn’t bother even acknowledging him, his eyes were solely on you, and that seemed to piss him off even more. 

“You think this shit’s funny?” James growled. 

“I wasn’t talking to you.” Peter rolled his eyes.

You stood shell-shocked in your place, unsure of what to do. “That’s it,” James said, “I’ve had enough of your bullshit.” He stepped forward suddenly, making you jump into action. 

“Stop it,” you hissed, but he wasn’t listening, walking from your side right up to Peter. 

His previous remarks had gained the attention from the small groups of people who were close enough to hear them. 

“Take it down,” he said as he got up in Peter’s face. Peter, to his credit, didn’t budge an inch. In fact, he was looking at James as if he were nothing more than an annoying fly buzzing past. James stood at least a couple inches taller than Peter, and yet he wasn’t the most intimidating one here, not by a mile. 

“No, but I’d be happy to take you down,” with a damn smile on his face. You wanted to slap them both. 

“You little—”

“Enough!” You stepped in, throwing your arm between them and holding it against James’ chest. You weren’t going to sit there and let them throw hands at an event like this, especially not over you. 

Peter sucked in a breath, eyeing the arm you had strapped across James’ front in a feeble attempt to hold him back. Something unreadable shone in his eyes, and his jaw ticked as he met your glare.

“You are not doing this here,” you said in a hard voice, refusing to look at Peter anymore and instead staring up at James. His face was stone and his eyes were set on Peter, whose eyes were set on you. 

It was like some crazy triangle or something. 

A part of you wondered what a photo of this particular moment would look like. You imagined it would be named something like ‘Lovers Quarrel’. Finally, after what felt like forever, James’ gaze finally slid down toward you. He worked his jaw for a moment before stepping back. “I need to get some air,” he mumbled. Without bothering another glance at either of you, he turned and headed for the exit.

You stood in place, eyes stuck on his retreating figure, when you heard Peter scoff. “Can you believe that guy?”

Rage flew through your blood. “Excuse me?”

“Oh come on Ace,” but his voice didn’t sound as sure as before and you could’ve laughed at the thought of him thinking you’d agree with him, “you know I didn’t start that.”

It was your turn to scoff, “Maybe not, but you didn’t hesitate to tell him how you’d take him down.”

“Well what was I supposed to do?” He asked weakly. All that confidence and haughtiness from earlier was gone, standing before you was just Peter. But you were starting to think you didn’t know Peter anymore. What you’d said to him before, about him not knowing you anymore, you’d said mostly to hurt him. But now…you wondered if there were more truth to your words than you realized. 

Sometimes there were moments like that night on your fire escape and it was like things had never changed, he’d never moved hundreds of miles away and the two of you were back just hanging out, the oldest of friends. Two people who knew each other better than anyone else ever would. 

And then there were moments like tonight.

You eyed him curiously, disappointment all over your features. You knew he hadn’t liked James but for him to genuinely partake in a fight…

“I don’t know Peter. I don’t know you anymore.” And you turned to walk in the same direction you’d seen James headed to before, but not before you glimpsed the hurt on Peter’s face. 

Stepping out the doors, you were hit with a warm breeze and the sound of New York traffic. Shuddering at the sudden change of temperature (the venue had the AC on blast, stepping outside felt like a warm hug) you looked around for James. You caught him leaning against the side of the building with a hand running through his hair. 

“Hey,” you said softly, approaching on light feet as you moved to the same wall, leaning right across from him. 

“Hey,” he deadpanned, not meeting your eyes. 

Your heart swelled with guilt. You didn’t know why; you knew you shouldn’t feel guilty, you didn’t do anything wrong and you had no clue Peter was going to do that, or be here at all. But he just looked so angry right now and you couldn’t help feeling like it was sort of your fault. 

“I’m sorry.” You wanted something, anything. Anything other than that cold look in his eyes. You wanted him to tell you it wasn’t your fault, that he wasn’t angry, not at you, just at the situation. 

He didn’t do any of that. 

After a few seconds and still no answer you raised a hand to brush away the pieces of hair that had fallen into his face in a way you thought would comfort him, but that only had him swerving to avoid your touch as if your hand were made of fire. 

You retracted it, your heart swelling with hurt. Ouch. Okay, so maybe he was mad at you. “James…” you trailed off. You weren’t sure what to say, you were afraid the slightest thing would set him off even more. 

He shook his head, jaw so clenched you were afraid it would snap. “No,” he ran a hand over his face, “Nah, I can’t do this.”

“Do what?” You asked exasperated, “I don’t understand, what’s the big deal?”

“What’s the big deal?” He sneered with venom in his voice, and you regretted saying anything at all. “The big deal is—” he cut himself off with a harsh laugh, “Honestly Y/N, if you don’t see it you’re even more blind than I thought.”

Just then, a noise sounded from inside the venue. Microphone feedback. The awards were about to be handed out. You could hear one of the judges introducing himself. You stared at James wordlessly. You didn’t want to go inside and leave things like this but you also didn’t see how you could say or do anything that would fix it. 

“James, I swear I had no idea about that,” you cleared your throat, willing your voice not to break, “I didn’t even know he’d be here.”

He wouldn’t even look at you, nodding and staring out onto the street, and that felt like an even bigger hurt. Why wouldn’t he just listen? As if he’d willed it with his eyes, a car pulled up to the curb right in front of you, tearing your gaze away from him for a moment. James walked away from you, hand settling on the handle of the backseat door and realization hit you hard, cold, and fast.

He hadn’t been waiting for you to follow him, to talk things out and make things right again. He’d just been waiting for his ride. 

Without even bothering another look your way, “Good luck with your fucking article.”

I don’t know you anymore.

I don’t know you anymore. 

I don’t know you anymore. 

It was the only thing that had been running through his brain since the last syllable had rolled off of your tongue.

How could you say that? How could you even think it? Did you seriously believe that? Did you truly think that he was so different from the boy you once loved, the boy you’d dreamed of a future with, a shared future?

His head was buzzing with thoughts about you and what you’d said when he felt hands on his shoulders pushing him. Looking around, he realized everyone was staring at him. The hands on his shoulders were pushing him forward. 

“Go, Peter,” someone beside him whispered, one of the other photographers from the paper, Ryan, who’d been standing beside him in the crowd, he realized, “you won!”

Right. He’d been so focused on you that he’d completely forgotten where he was for a moment. Shortly after you’d walked away from him, the award ceremony had begun. He didn’t even remember walking over here, or the introductions, or any other people being awarded

He wordlessly made his way onto the stage, vaguely recalled shaking someone’s hand, being handed something, a ribbon maybe? He didn’t know, he didn’t know anything except he was on stage, everyone was clapping for him, and he was looking for you. 

The closest thing he could find was the photograph of you, also on the stage, sitting in the first place slot beside him. This was wrong, it was all wrong, and it was his fault. You were so excited for this article, you’d told him as much and he could see it, and he’d never wanted to ruin it for you.

To his side stood a petite blond girl, looking to be around his age, hovering close to another photograph. It was a lovely, romantic photo of Central Park. He recalled seeing it earlier as he was roaming around the venue checking out the other pieces. It had caught his attention because it reminded him of you. 

It made his heart deflate even more. 

More chatter ensued, followed by more applause and Peter tried his best not to look so uncomfortable (May had repeatedly informed him he always looked like he was about to be sick when he was too stressed, and he didn’t want anyone thinking he was about to vomit all over his newly awarded first-prize-winning piece and all the other winners). 

At this point, he couldn’t wait for his cue to get off this godforsaken stage so he could find you and apologize. It was the least he could do but hopefully it would make things at least a little better. 

“What do you say Mr. Parker?”

He whipped his head toward the speaker. Todd Kravinski, the man running this whole thing, the same one who’d called him up here earlier and handed him the ribbon (and a check, apparently, but Peter hadn’t realized that until after) had asked him something and he’d completely missed it. 

“I—I’m sorry sir, what was that?”

Mr. Kravinski chuckled, and Peter let out a forced laugh. “C’mere kid, they’re gonna wanna get your picture, and maybe a little statement for the paper.” His stomach lurched at that last part. You were going to be taking his statement for the paper. You were going to be the one who described his piece and take the pictures he taken and turn them into words. Selfishly, he couldn’t wait to hear what you thought.

Peter walked instructed to stand near his piece, hold up his ribbon and check, and smile. He was paraded around, forced into handshakes, shoving out smiles until the corners of his mouth and his cheeks ached, and patted on the back more times than he could count. And yet all he could think about was you. 

It wasn’t until the parading around was coming to an end that he looked up from some stranger congratulating him and caught your eye, standing a few steps back, talking to Lewis, he was third runner-up and they’d been standing beside each other earlier on the stage. Peter swore his whole body froze when he saw you, every time he caught your eye it felt like the two of you were sharing a whole conversation no one else was privy to, even now after being gone for almost 2 whole years, he could feel that familiar warmth, the sensual tug of that bond the two of you would only ever share with each other. And it was so familiar, so soft, so wholly you and him, he could’ve cried. 

But then you looked away. And he could’ve cried for completely different reasons. 

He made quick work of excusing himself from his current conversation and walked over to where you were chatting up Lewis, writing down things in a small notepad. He found you so incredibly adorable standing there, biting your lip in concentration as you scribbled down something she’d just told you, careful not to miss any details.

“Hey Lewis,” he approached the two of you, your head shooting up at the familiar voice, “Congrats on runner-up, your piece was amazing.” 

They shook hands with each other, “You too man, congrats. That was one hell of a collage.”

“Thanks, hey do you mind if I steal Y/N away for a bit? I’ve been meaning to speak with her.”

“Not at all, I think we’re pretty much done here.” Lewis looked at you to confirm you’d gotten all you need. Peter could tell you very much wanted to protest and he caught your subtle glance down at your notepad. It didn’t take a genius to know you were pondering what other questions you might’ve missed that could keep you from being alone with Peter, but it seemed you couldn’t find anything because you ended up giving Lewis a tight-lipped smile. 

“Thanks for talking with me. I loved your photo, and congratulations again.”

“Thank you. can’t wait to read it,” Lewis replied, walking off with a wink in your direction. 

You immediately looked down, refusing to meet Peter’s eyes after Lewis turned his back, instead taking a enormous interest in your shoes. 

Peter cleared his throat, “Ace, can we talk?”

“Talk about what?” You finally looked up. Peter was fluent in all things Y/N, yet he knew that he didn’t need to be to see the unhappiness etched on your features. Your countenance was all hard lines and and furrowed brows and—were your eyes red? Had you been crying? 

“Seriously Peter, what do you wanna talk about? The part where you entered into a competition you knew damn well I’d be covering, the part where you entered and won using a picture of me without telling me, the part where you tried to pick a fight with my boyfriend about it, or the part where you tried to get me to side with you?”

“Ace, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for things to go down the way they did,” he tried helplessly. He didn’t want to argue with you, mostly because he’d never cared for it, even when you were together, but also because he didn’t want to feel any worse. 

You sniffled and it felt like a kick to the gut. His thought from earlier resurfaced, and this time it was because he was completely fluent in you that he knew you hadn’t cried yet. Between whatever had happened when you’d left to find James and now, you’d gotten upset but you hadn’t cried and it was breaking him to see you trying so hard to keep that composure. 

“Well they did,” you replied quietly, avoiding his gaze once more as you crossed your arms and looked to the side. 

All Peter really wanted to do was pry your arms open, break the protective stance you’d taken up, and pull you into a bone-crushing hug that was much need by the both of you if you asked him. But he couldn’t do that. “I’m so sorry Ace. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“You’ve done enough.” He wasn’t really expecting you to accept his offer, but the rejection still hurt. 

“Well, what about with the article? How can I help with that?” He hadn’t let himself think it but he was excited about the extra time with you that came with first place. Maybe there was a silver lining in all this.

“Thanks but no.” Maybe not. “Actually, I—I should go.”

He wanted to speak up. He wanted to protest. He wanted you. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t have any of the things he wanted and the same thought kept floating through his head:

It’s all my fault.

The leaves rustled around you as you walked, the breeze carried with it a certain smell you could only find on the streets of New York during this time of year. You were on the brink of summer, the nature around you was peaking. The flowers were fully bloomed, the grass a delicious shade of green, birds chirped merrily, and you felt like shit.

You and James hadn’t talked since he’d left last night after the whole thing with Peter. You’d sent texts, called multiple times, left voicemails most of those times, you weren’t quite sure what else there was to do. You should probably go to his place. Maybe you should’ve even gone last night, but…you weren’t up for it yet. Not then and not now.

And then there was Peter.

Stupid, annoying, confusing, infuriating, Peter Parker. 

Leaving last night was a stupid idea. You were already there, you should’ve asked him a few quick questions and got it over with. Now you’d have to make time to see him, and you weren’t sure how that would go over with James, article or not.

It had felt like your heart had short-circuited when you’d seen that photo on the wall. How long had he planned that? Obviously he was aware you were going to see it…what had he thought your reaction would be? What had he thought James’ reaction would be? He probably hadn’t thought of James at all, if you were being honest with yourself.

It still felt crazy to think he was back in the city. You’d seen the news reports of Spider-Man once again in New York. The first one had popped up the same day you’d ran into him. You caught yourself thinking about him often as you walked around campus, knowing he was there somewhere as well, walking those same grounds (or swinging maybe). It was weird. It was weird working with him on the paper and yet…there was something when you were with Peter, something you hadn’t felt in almost 2 years. Something a part of you knew, deep down, that you would never feel with anyone else.

“Funny seeing you here.” You’d know that voice absolutely anywhere. It was how you’d first discovered him as Spider-Man, after all.

You turned, coming face-to-face with Peter. He was in a dark grey t-shirt that fit him like a glove, dark washed jeans, and a beat up pair of converse he’d had since you’d known him. He looked every bit the boy you once knew, only less boy and more man now. That was another change you hadn’t gotten used to. 

“Is it?” You asked, because something in his tone told you he’d expected to find you here.

“No,” he shook his head, “I remembered you always came for walks here when you were having a rough time and after everything that happened last night…lucky guess.”

Stupid, annoying, confusing, infuriating, Peter Parker.

Of course, he knew where to find you. “You always were a genius.” You said as you continued to walk slowly, Peter picking up pace to stride beside you. 

“Doesn’t take a genius to figure that out, to figure you out. I know you Ace, no matter what, I’ll always know you.”

James doesn’t know you, he never would’ve known where to find you and you weren’t even sure he’d bother looking—

No, you had to stop that. Comparing the two of them wasn’t going to get you anywhere except all stuck in your head. Peter wasn’t yours, not anymore, no matter how well he knew you. He’d made sure of that. 

“Well did you want something?” You weren’t exactly being pleasant, but you also couldn’t bring yourself to care. You couldn’t believe you’d apologized to him for being ‘snappy’ because right now all you could think was how much he deserved it. 

He stopped his walking and grabbed your elbow, stopping you as well, “I know I was a dick last night, hell, I know I’ve been a dick to you far before last night, but I wanna make it up to you if you’ll let me. I care about you Ace. I always will.”

You didn’t care about me when you ghosted me, you didn’t care about me when you stood me up on winter break, you didn’t care about me when you left me and moved all the way to North Carolina—

That wasn’t going to do anything but make you miserable, and even more snappy. You sucked in a deep breath. He was here. Might as well get what you needed from him, right?

“I’m gonna need to ask you a few questions, y’know, just basic stuff. For the article.”

Peter grinned as if that was exactly what he was hoping you’d say. “Yeah, yeah sure. Of course, anything.”

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing. He was so ready and willing to give you everything you asked for, you were sure if you demanded he hand you his wallet, he wouldn’t object. 

You pulled out your notepad and pen from your tote bag, extremely grateful you always kept them on hand. Flipping open to a new page, you clicked your pen, flipped your hair over your shoulder, and cleared your throat, “Social security number, date of birth, and the last thing you ate in full detail?”

Peter choked out a laugh, “Um, okay. I don’t have it memorized, August 10th 2001, and a medium toasted bagel with extra cream cheese, no seasoning.”

“No seasoning?” You asked, scrunching up your nose in disgust. “What, so you just like plain, boring bagels like an old man?”

“Hey,” he jumped to his own defense, “no hating on plain bagels! They’re like the vanilla ice cream of the bagel world, classic. You can never go wrong with a plain bagel. It can never be too much, it can never be too little. It’s just right.”

You snorted, “Alright, keep it in your pants Parker, I think I’ve heard enough. Plain bagels rock.”

“Damn right they do,” he deadpanned. 

Chuckling, you remembered something. “Oh my god, are you talking about the bagels from the little cafe next to the library?”

“Yeah! You know it?”

“Know it? Oh my god I practically moved in there during finals week. Have you tried their muffins? You would love them. I know you always hated when muffins are baked too dry because—”

“It’s like eating sand.” You both said in unison. You stared up at him, but he was already looking at you. He had this look in his eyes that was so wholly Peter, you almost couldn’t stand it. It took everything in you but you broke eye contact, clearing your throat before you continued speaking, “So um—tell about your photograph. What was the inspiration behind it? Why did you choose that piece?”

“Photography is often about telling a story, or at least part of it, and this piece…it means a lot to me.” You held your breath as he spoke. “I love the feeling of the picture, or rather, pictures. My piece tells a story about nature. I tried to show the beauty in all aspects of it, and while doing that, I tried to tell a story of my own.”

You tried your hardest not too think to hard about what he was saying. Which was hard considering you were literally the fucking center of this piece he was speaking of. “Your piece was a very well laid-out collage, how long did it take you to put it together?”

“Um,” he scratched the back of his neck, a gesture so familiar it felt like your heart was crying, “well I joined pretty last minute, so about a week, but I was cramming the whole time.”

You went quiet for a few minutes before coming up with your next question. “Was that your first choice? The piece I mean.” It wasn’t really relevant to the article but…you were curious. 

“I was going to do something with constellations,” he admitted. 

Oh. Thank god he didn’t. You might’ve lost your mind. 

“But those are harder to catch on camera, and I entered last minute,” he finished. “Plus,” he added, looking up at the clear blue morning sky, “my favorites are mostly visible during autumn.”

You felt like your heart was going to stop. So much history, so many unspoken things between the two of you. A part of you swore you could feel the tension wrapping itself around you and tightening, making it harder and harder to breathe the more time you spent with him. 

You don’t know how long the two of you walked in silence before he finally spoke up again, his voice hoarser than it was a few moments ago. “I thought of you every night you know.” You didn’t need to ask to know what he was talking about. “You could see them more clearly over there, the stars, and I thought of you every time. Not just because of the stars but…they were just a bigger reminder.”

“Peter—”

“You never did tell me what you thought of it. The collage.”

You paused. You weren’t sure what you thought of it. Objectively it was a great piece, beautiful, maybe one of his best works. It had won first place for a reason. But how the hell were you supposed to be objective about any of this? “I—I think it was well-deserving of its award.”

He let out a small chuckle, “Seriously Ace? Save that kinda talk for the article, tell me the truth.”

You paused, trying to figure out the right words. Taking in a deep breath, you said, “It was beautiful Pete, even if it was a little weird just seeing myself like that. I think it might be one of the most creative and beautiful things you’ve created. I understand what you mean,” gentler now, “about the feelings and the story and everything…I think you portrayed that really well.”

It went quiet between the two of you again and you wondered if you shouldn’t have said that. You were about to make up another question but he beat you to it, “I kept trying to convince myself that I wasn’t coming back here for you, that I didn’t have any expectations for us and that this whole transfer was completely irrelevant to how we ended things but that isn’t true. And I always knew it deep down, but I hit me like a bag of bricks when I saw you again.”

This couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be really saying all this, you had to be dreaming. You had a boyfriend, Peter broke up with you, he didn’t want you any more. Right? He couldn’t just come here after not talking to you for over a year and claim he transferred schools because of you. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t get to just dump all that on you. 

“You were doing fine over there Peter, I heard everything. You had amazing grades, you were winning awards. You basically owned that school. So why’d you come back?”

“Okay, well you’re kinda over exaggerating. It wasn’t that great.”

You crossed your arms and narrowed your eyes, “Don’t give me that bullshit, yeah it was. It was everything you were wishing it would be.”

“No it wasn’t!” He burst out, hands running through his hair. “I tried to enjoy it Ace, I really did. But I couldn’t.” He looked at you with a pained expression. “I should’ve been having the time of my life, because yeah, in theory, it was everything I could’ve wished for. But I couldn’t enjoy a goddamn thing knowing you were over here, living a whole life I wasn’t a part of. Being away from you killed me Ace, everything I said to you on graduation? That shit ripped my fucking heart out. I didn’t want it anymore than you did.”

Tears collected in his waterline and you felt a lump in your throat. Were you finally getting the explanation you’d dreamed and hoped for over and over? Why did you feel so nauseous? “I probably wanted it less, if I’m being honest,” he laughed, but there was no humor in it. “I hated it over there Ace, not a second went by where you weren’t on my mind, not a night went by where you weren’t in my dreams. I know this is probably the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard but you need to believe me, I thought I was doing what was right that day on graduation. I really, truly thought that you would be happier if I did that. Not at first maybe, but eventually.” His voice got quieter and he sounded so raw, so emotional, you almost burst into sobs, “And that’s all I’ve ever wanted, I just want you to be happy Y/N.”

You swore you felt your heart split in half. Peter never called you by your name. Not since that night on your fire escape when you’d patched him up after a rough night of being Spider-Man and he first bestowed upon you his personal title, claiming that it ‘just suited you’. 

You froze. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint what you were feeling, but it was a lot. “I—I have,” you cleared your throat to keep your voice from breaking, “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

“Ace, wait, please.”

But you didn’t. This time, you were the one who ran away.

‘seasonal’ taglist: @keira-kaz2y5 @imafangirlofeverything @lov3vivian

@starsformiles @rkivesfilm

[scp-10000]

Hermit Appartement Au Basic Info Post

Soon after getting a hold of the Season 7 I decided to take a plot in Aqua Town and build an apartment that they all would live in...and then I did my Coal thing and made a few of them some sort of humanoid monster.

Background, about a year or two, Hels and Ex bought a smallish apartment building with about 5 floors, a studio on each floor, and a laundromat and boiler room on the first floor. Ex and Hels took the bottom floor apartment cause it was smaller, and there were only two of them, and they could fit about 7 people in the bigger studios.  Make no mistake, they both wanted to be some level of scummy land lord, but I feel like doing that to 26 tennants, 4 of whom could physically, mentally, and/or emotionally fold a demon like a lawn chair if they felt like it, would be sufficiently hard. I’m gonna give some general info on the group that inhabits the apartment like listing who lives on what floor, what exactly they are if they aren’t human, and giving background info on the general group, and other info on individual Hermtis I feel necessary.  I might go into more detail on the individuals if there is interest.

Ground Floor

This is where the two landlords live.  Fun fact, Hels screwed up renovating their studio so bad, he removed sound proofing from the ceiling and can hear the metal band above them practicing every other day.

Helsknight; Demon: One of the landlords, and an evil piece of work.  Example, landlords usually have to provide a 24 hour notice before entering, and they have to show up at a reasonable time, usually 9 am to 6 pm based on this site. https://www.thebalancesmb.com/a-landlord-s-right-to-enter-rental-property-2125097 Hels will knock on the door at 5:59 pm to say in exactly 24 hours he’s coming back to fix the bathroom sink he was called to fix two days ago at noon.  5:59 pm seems to be the only time he shows up to do anything, and he says since he technically showed up during the reasonable time, he’s allowed to go in.  Nobody likes Hels.  Don’t be like Hels.

Evil Xisuma; Human: While not as outwardly evil as Hels, he still is a slime ball.  He’s trying to get everyone to convert all their money to his crypto Derp Coin...which is only tradable in the building...and has total control of, so if everyone did switch over, he’d have the ability to make $20 USD worth of Derp Coin only worth half a loaf of bread.

Floor One

This is where the band Unethical Experimentation reside, and while they do love the fact their landlords’ incompetence means they can annoy them simply by practicing, when the neighbors above the band had a magic incident resulting in the floor(and parts of UE’s ceiling) becoming solidified magic, Hels had to fix their ceiling, which means now the sweet neighbors above them can hear them practicing, which also means they’ll quiet down when the neighbors above ask, but screw their landlords below them.

Mumbo; Eldritch Energy Being: Mumbo’s the youngest out of all the people on this floor, and everyone in the band adopted him as their little brother, and everyone’s impressed with his ability to manipulate energy just like a normal human manipulates matter.  This was very warranted as when Cleo found him and brought him to the rest of the band, he was half starved, half a water bottle of lost body fluids away from dehydration, dirty, and beat to hell and back, but somehow still alive.  He just broke out of The Foundation after a 5 Keter breach, and dodged them, The Chaos Insurgency, and The Global Occult Coalition all alone.  They took him in, fixed him up, and gave him a home.  He took a liking to making background effects for their shows.  He can also play piano and organ if the song calls for it.

Cleo; Eldritch Lich: No one’s sure whether she thought she was evil because she was evil by the standards of the time, or if she felt evil by today’s standards, but she was considered evil in some capacity.  Still, Joe didn’t consider her evil when he started hanging out with her, and Mumbo didn’t consider her evil when she brought him home.  Still doesn’t change the fact that she did some messed up stuff, especially to become a lich, and to go beyond that, but a lot of people think she’s taking the first steps, and they value her knowledge on being on that side of the line when she does open up and provide it.  Being the event organizer and part time member for the band helps take her mind off her moral crisis.  For the band she plays violin, harp, drums, and sings.

Doc; Goat Man after a lot of human experimentation: He originally an anthro goat man somewhere closer to the human end of that spectrum when he found out he also had creeper DNA in him.  Turns out if Doc’s Great Great Grandfather breaths in enough spores while trying to figure out how creepers work, it’s gonna screw up the genetics he passes on, though the genes didn’t even activate in Great Grand Dad, so Doc tried to find a way to activate them as a side project at the lab he works at.  He experimented on himself, and succeeded after years and many attempts, but he lost his right arm.  He was able to build a cybernetic arm, and bounced back from losing the flesh arm by making his metal arm much better.  After that, he changed jobs, and formed a band with his friends Etho, Beef, and Bdubs.  He can play guitar, base, drums, and sing.

Beef; Human?: Beef heard his old college friend wanted to form a band, and he joined no questions asked.  He meet Cleo after Bdubs brought her home, and Mumbo after Cleo brought him home, and he knew about Etho’s deal, and he even took Doc’s self experiments well.  Still didn’t take away the fear of when the green flesh started crawling across his skin, and his eye turned amber.  He’s not sure if this is some disease, or the onset of powers he and his family never even knew he had, but after seeing what happened to Mumbo, Cleo, and Doc, he’s hesitant to go to a doctor, and he’s just trying to ride it out.  So far, it’s not impaired his every day life and band duties.  He plays base, guitar, chello, hammered dulcimer, and drums.

Etho; Eldritch Wormhole Creature: You know wormholes?  Most people don’t think there are eldritch worms in them, but Etho knows, and Etho thinks their friendly.  Unfortunately, no one wants to test this, so he just transports the band’s instruments.  Honestly, he’s more than used to it.  Back in college, him and Doc opened a moving company using Etho’s wormholes, but using wormholes full of eldritch worms is more of a niche thing, so it didn’t really get off the ground.  Etho considers Doc a close friend, and was happy to make friends with the other band members when Doc called him to join.  He plays keyboard, accordion, waterphone, and sing.

Bdubs; Human: When Doc came calling to join his band, Bdubs was more than ready with a skill the band didn’t know they needed, art skills.  He drew all the album art himself and matched it to the general theme of the album.  But wait, there’s more.  He also knows how to check if a stage is sturdy.  He worked as a contractor with his dad and brother after college and leaned to apply some of those skills into checking stage stability.  If he wasn’t already carrying the band, he plays french horn, trombone, and trumpet.

Floor Two

If you thought the last floor had a lot of non human creatures, you haven’t seen anything yet.  Basically poor Tango is the only human in a mostly humanoid house, but that doesn’t bother him.  The fae turning the floor to solidified magic and Hels saying he won’t reduce the rent even though Hels plans on selling the floor because solidified magic goes for a lot these days bothers him way more.

Cub; Fae: Mischievous little brat.  Don’t let him in your house if you don’t want to be praked to Hels and back.  He’s also (jokingly) considered joining in on Ex’s Derp Coin scam for the Evil Lulz like Ex would actually consider him an equal and not beneath him and force Cub into a cat maid outfit and make him peddle Derp Coin in it.  Truth be told, he’s not actually evil.  He’s just really got at making himself look evil, until someone with both brains and brawns says they’re gonna knock him senseless.

Scar; Fae: Mischievous little brat who has a way of making Cub’s mischief worse.  Who am I kidding?  They both do it to each other.  When he’s not being a little brat with his bestie, he’s gardening around the building, helping mer children swim out in the ocean, talking about space and other stuff with Cub, and playing with his cat Jellie.

Stress; Fae: One of the few people in the apartment who told the others where she works.  During week days, she helps brew potions at the magic pharmacy 5 blocks over.  On Saturdays, she teaches people how to exercise.  She can’t yeet people, but out of the 4 fae in the apartment, she’s the only one strong enough to open a jar on her own.

Gem; Fae: The Breakfast Fae.  No seriously, she makes everyone breakfast every day as a compromise to keep her from making it for every meal.  She also tends the trees around town, and earns extra money on the side beating people in foot races cause some people think that just because she only has two deer legs instead of all four she can’t run at 35 miles an hour.  She uses that money to buy new flowers and crystals to adorn her antlers.

Impy; Failed Imp: If it wasn’t for the scorpion tail and the black wings with flecks of gold, most people would think he’s just a human.  That’s cause he’s non venomous and non evil; despite being born in Hels, he wasn’t born evil, nor did he develop into a pure evil arse like a lot of demons who also aren’t born evil do.  So when he was an adult, he left, and honestly he did a lot better in human society.  Like most humans even if they think all demons are pure evil have a hard time hating him for being a demon cause he’s so dang kind, cheerful, and intelligent, so he’ll win you over after a couple interactions at most and keep you there once you realize he’s not fixing your toaster as a ruse to make you drop your guard before he back stabs you; he’s doing it cause he genuinely wants to help you.

Zedaph; Eldritch Dream Being: To be completely honest, Zed really doesn’t need an apartment.  With his powers over dreams and imagination, he could just pull a wonderful world out of someone’s mind and live in that.  Thing is, humans can technically pull stuff out of their dreams and imagination too, it just takes a lot more work, but this intrigued Zedaph enough that he wanted to learn how to do it like humans do, so he went to live with Impulse and Tango to learn from them.  Thing is, they do need an apartment, and not a world Zed can make.  Most non eldritch beings can’t live in worlds of fantasy brought to reality the Zed way without their mental health taking a hit.  That is why they’re living in an apartment.  The reason they have to share with other roommates is Tango and Impy don’t want to leave the city, and Hels and Exs’ apartment was the cheapest in town.

Tango; Human: Oh to be the only human in a home with fae, demons, and eldritch creatures.  In all seriousness though, he’s not bothered by being the only human in a house full of strange beings cause his personality is just as weird as theirs, and he’s just as willing to join and start the shenanigans.  He’s also the other person in the household who has a known job.  He works down at the Pass and Gas as a maintenance man with his boss Papa K who runs register.

Floor 3

What do you get when you have a former hitwoman, an Australian, a slime man, a gremlin, and 3 dirty minded himbos on the same floor?  You get a valid reason to go into therapy, especially if the himbos go around making two of the fae sequel at their dirty pickup lines, and the fae are in on it, the hitlady is one one mistake away from ending you, the slime man accidentally acids stuff, and the gremlin and Australian are friends.

Fasle; Human: A “retired” human hitwoman who totally didn’t fake her own death to get out of the business.  She was very morally grey, and had no problem with the occasional justified murder, but one day, she just sold all her stuff, donated all the money to a children’s hospital before making it look like she died in a plane crash.  She was great at her job, but having to kill someone every few weeks was beginning to drain her, and it ate her time like a mofo.  Now she’s about as morally grey as the girl working second shift at the cafe on 32nd street who also does archery on the weekends instead of the woman who knows her client has an abusive husband, but also knows murder is technically illegal.  Still doesn’t stop her from thinking about using her skills on the landlords.  

Pearl; Human: She moved to Aquatown from Australia, and boy howdy was her sleep scheduled borked for the first few weeks.  Truth be told it was technically borked months before when she and Grian started talking about her move, but still.  With help from her good buddy Grian, she got her sleep schedule good enough to work at a grocery store and earn the title of Chillest Employee there after getting yelled at by 10 Karens and still keeping her chill.  However, off work hours, she and Grian sometimes team up to be unholy gremlins.

Jevin; Slime Man: Jevin was created in a lab about 5 miles from town where the scientists wanted to see if they could give slime sapience.  They succeed, and he was smart enough to gain 30 year old intelligence in about a year.  Problem is, a few months after the scientists found ran that test, something broke out, letting out a lot of the other creatures including Jevin and basically destroying the lab.  No one came to check up on the lab, the staff, or the creatures that were created there, so Jevin was basically forced to base around it and try to survive around the ruins till another creature came back and told him about this city up north with more food, water, and shelter than they’ll ever need for themselves, so they tried to bring a few creations over.  Turns out moving to the city was the best idea Jevin could have ever hand cause he could steal all the food he wanted cause no one could catch the sapient slime man, and if he pissed people off enough, there was really nothing they could do about it cause he was technically bullet proof.  Eventually he gave up his title as slime king city terror and became citizen and bought all his things after getting a job and money.

Grian; Human: A chaos human.  He’s been known to screw with Hels and Ex just cause they were around and not just to retaliate.  He works at a pet store, and taught all the speaking birds how to say “Pesky Bird,” and accidentally taught one how to scream bloody murder after Mumbo and Iskall jumped out at him while he was working.  He had to take said bird, now named Professor Beak, home to take care of him.  Professor Beak now only screams bloody murder when Ex and Hels come around.

Iskall; Cyborg Human: Another former hitman, but he didn’t get out of the business as easy as False.  He got in a fight with a mark that lead to him surviving, but his eye was slashed all to hell, and his hand tendons were cut beyond repair, and he had to escape a burning building.  He got out and went to a hospital to make sure infection didn’t kill him.  He met a doctor who worked with Doc before Doc mutated himself, and got his cyborg arm and hand.  Honestly, you would never know the specifics of his past cause his personality is so dang bright and happy, and he makes up a few stories where he screwed up doing something cool like shark dentistry.

Keralis; Human: He’s not sure where he got the big eyes from either, but he likes them cause they let him see the beauty of the world better.  This is a similar reason to how Ren explains his ears, and they started their first conversation with that, and the convo turned to flirting which lead to a friendship.  Honestly, Keralis is a friendly dude in general, preferring Tango call him his coworker instead of his boss, and he likes to goof off with Tango when the Pass and Gas is not busy.

Ren; Skip Wolf: Lycanthropy is a dominant gene.  All of his immediate family got it, but he got the recessive gene which meant he wasn’t a werewolf.  Honestly, lycanthropy is not all the furries make it out to be.  He’s fine with his dog ears and amped up hearing; he says they help him listen to people better.  He works as a news paper editor, and has a small colloquium where he talks about the characters he made.  His cousin Renbob keeps a large binder full of newspaper clips, and he loves bringing out this binder more akin a murder weapon to gush and he tells Ren he did great when Ren tries to downplay his characters.

Floor 4

6 vibe men.  6 men who just wanna vibe.  You’d think this apartment would be peaceful, but no.  Hels and Ex don’t like Wels and Xisuma, so they torment everyone here.  Too bad they also have to deal with Joe Hills and his bs.

Wels; Human: How does a knight from around the 1400′s who fell through a time warp and served in WW1, and then fall through another time warp into present day still have good mental and emotional health?  Not everyone’s sure, but they are glad he’s holding up well, especially because a even after all that a demon bonded to him and made him his enemy.  His armor does crack a little in museum around knight exhibits and WW1 stuff.

TFC; Human: He says he’s seen it all cause around the 70′s the supernatural creatures came out to ask for equal right among the humans.  He was so wrong.  Oh well.  His non human neighbors’ antics make his retirement interesting.  

Joe; Human: Dude screws with aliens and evil siblings like it’s no big deal.  One time after the two of the banged on the door at odd hours of the night, he free verse rapped insults outside their door all night.  He had a megaphone and their cell numbers.  They regretted it.  During the day he works as an IT guy for the local library and reads to small children when the usual reader is sick.  Results are mixed...

Xisuma; Human: He did not know he was moving into his brother’s apartment building, but it’s not like he would have gone any where else if he had the option.  His friends are here, and his little brother has enough space of his own.  Xisuma is an adult, and he will derp as he pleases.  Still he respects his brother’s choices and calls him Evil X instead of his dorky true name.  He works at the library on the second floor helping people find non fiction books.

Hypno; Human: A chill and easy going guy working at a library.  Then one day a slime man came in and stole his lunch.  The slime man stole his lunch everyday for like a month, and kept sassing Hypno, bragging about how smart he is.  Hypno, in turn asked him why he was stealing lunch if he was so smart.  And he did.  Jevin learned with Hypno’s help, and Hypno was more than happy to help and proud to see him grow.  They still riff on each other a lot.  

xB; Human: Another vibning human.  He used to work with barn animals, but now he’s at a pet store, joking around with any children who come in and recommending they do their research on an animal before they try and keep it as a pet and telling them to ask for help from his friend Hypno when they research at the library.  He has gotten complaints from costumers for sassing them, but sense he’s mostly sassing rude adults who started it, he gets away with it.

During the development of this list, I realized my world building for this au might resemble the Ben 10 series, and I’m okay with that.

[bolintheturtleduck]

Song Ranking

So I did that song ranking thing and it took HOURS. literal HOURS. Don’t ever do it, I won’t even link it. I hated doing it. But here is my list. And dare I say my Top 130 is immaculate hjgkhg

Some of this is not really accurate though. Could be me or the generator. Like ‘Cold Hearted’ being 500 something???? Not in my house. 

Also don’t go looking for christmas songs. They are all somewhere down there lmao

Anyways! Let’s go!

1 Nasty / Rhythm Nation

1 Rumour Has It / Someone Like You

3 Be Okay

4 Love You Like A Love Song

4 Seasons Of Love

6 Mustang Sally

7 So Emotional

8 Tightrope

9 Barely Breathing

10 Cough Syrup

11 Shake It Out

11 The Boy Is Mine

13 Back To Black

14 Valerie

15 Paradise By The Dashboard Light

16 River Deep, Mountain High

17 Problem

18 Faithfully

19 Gloria

20 I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

21 How Will I Know

22 We Are Young

23 How To Be A Heartbreaker

24 Hand In My Pocket / I Feel The Earth Move

25 If I Die Young

26 I Feel Pretty / Unpretty

27 Bust Your Windows

28 Candyman

29 American Boy

30 I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) / You Make My Dreams

31 If I Can't Have You

32 It's All Coming Back To Me Now

33 Crazy / U Drive Me Crazy

34 ABC

35 Bad Romance

36 It's Too Late

37 Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio

38 I Wish

39 Need You Now

40 Landslide

41 Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer

42 Thriller / Heads Will Roll

43 What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)

44 There Are Worse Things I Could Do

45 Losing My Religion

46 The Edge Of Glory

47 Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version)

48 Make You Feel My Love

49 My Prerogative

50 Singing In The Rain / Umbrella

51 Songbird

52 Spotlight

53 Mine

54 Take Me Or Leave Me

55 Take Me To Church

56 No Surrender

57 Never Say Never

58 Constant Craving

59 Brave

60 Born This Way

61 Pumpin' Blood

62 Blame It (On The Alcohol)

63 Glad You Came

64 Give Your Heart A Break

65 It's All Over

66 It's Not Right, But It's Okay

67 Everybody Talks

68 Here Comes The Sun

69 Into The Groove

70 In Your Eyes

71 I Don't Want To Know

72 I Lived

73 I Kissed A Girl

74 Halo / Walking On Sunshine

75 You Can't Stop The Beat

76 She's Not There

77 Nutbush City Limits

78 True Colors

79 Can't Fight This Feeling

80 Breakaway

81 Dancing Queen

82 Don't Stop Me Now

83 And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

84 Empire State Of Mind

85 Doo Wop (That Thing)

86 Arthur's Theme

87 Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy

88 Toxic

89 This Is The New Year

90 Last Name

91 3

92 A Change Would Do You Good

93 Got To Get You Into My Life

94 Tongue Tied

95 Smooth Criminal

96 Papa Don't Preach

97 Animal

97 Another One Bites The Dust

99 Don't Speak

100 Don't You Want Me

101 A Hard Day's Night

102 Some Nights

103 Somebody That I Used To Know

104 Superstition

105 Survivor / I Will Survive

106 My Life Would Suck Without You

107 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

108 Misery

109 My Love Is Your Love

110 Somewhere Only We Know

111 Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

112 Me Against The Music

113 I Follow Rivers

114 Mean

115 Here's To Us

116 Stronger

117 Summer Nights

118 Make No Mistake, She's Mine

119 Love Song

120 Waiting For A Girl Like You

121 We Got The Beat

122 We Found Love

123 We've Got Tonite

124 Love Shack

125 The Scientist

126 Love Is A Battlefield

127 Run Joey Run

128 Wings

129 When I Get You Alone

130 Uptown Girl

131 Roots Before Branches

132 I'm The Only One

132 I've Gotta Be Me

134 Hopelessly Devoted To You

135 Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another

136 Dinosaur

137 Dog Days Are Over

138 Hung Up

139 Everytime

140 Go Your Own Way

141 Every Breath You Take

142 Fire And Rain

143 Fighter

144 Not While I'm Around

145 Not The Boy Next Door

146 Fly / I Believe I Can Fly

147 Girl On Fire

148 Oops!... I Did It Again

149 Stop! In The Name Of Love / Free Your Mind

150 Stereo Hearts

151 Bills, Bills, Bills

152 Somebody Loves You

153 Hold It Against Me

154 Turning Tables

155 Wide Awake

156 You May Be Right

157 Cell Block Tango

158 A Boy Like That

159 All Out Of Love

160 Alfie

161 Jessie's Girl

162 I'm A Slave 4 U

163 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

164 I'll Stand By You (Amber)

165 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

166 Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself)

167 Lovefool

168 Just Can't Get Enough

169 Just Give Me A Reason

170 Keep Holding On

171 Like A Virgin

172 New York State Of Mind

173 My Dark Side

174 More Than A Feeling

174 My Cup

176 I Want To Hold Your Hand

177 I Want To Break Free

178 I Want To Know What Love Is

179 I Want You Back

180 Teenage Dream

181 Take My Breath Away

182 America

183 Glory Days

184 I Say A Little Prayer

184 I Wanna Sex You Up

186 I Will Always Love You

187 A Thousand Years

188 Like A Prayer

189 Don't Rain On My Parade

190 Disco Inferno

191 Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals)

192 Dream On

193 Get It Right

194 Gold Digger

195 Telephone

196 Without You

197 You're The One That I Want

198 Tell Him

199 Let Me Love You

200 Good Vibrations

200 Raise Your Glass

202 Run The World (Girls)

203 Gimme More

204 Hey Jude

204 How Deep Is Your Love

206 Higher Ground

207 Vogue

208 Something's Coming

209 Footloose

210 Forget You

211 Gives You Hell

212 Everybody Wants To Rule The World

213 Far From Over

214 Fat Bottomed Girls

215 Hair / Crazy In Love

216 Hall Of Fame

216 Hello

216 Hello, I Love You

216 Somebody To Love

216 Time Warp

216 To Love You More

222 Last Friday Night

223 Hate On Me

224 Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'

225 Locked Out Of Heaven

226 Rose's Turn

227 Everybody Hurts

227 Express Yourself

227 Loser

227 Shout It Out Loud

231 Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours

232 Pompeii

233 Party All The Time

234 Our Day Will Come

235 Perfect

236 Old Time Rock & Roll / Danger Zone

237 Greased Lightning

237 Happy Xmas (War Is Over)

237 Live While We're Young

240 Firework

240 Love Child

242 Fire

243 You're All I Need To Get By

244 The Scientist (Acapella)

245 Afternoon Delight

246 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)

247 Listen To Your Heart

248 Tik Tok

249 You Keep Me Hangin' On

250 The Rose

251 You Can't Always Get What You

Want

252 Let's Have A Kiki

252 Listen

254 Pretending

255 More Than A Woman

256 More Than Words

257 Hot For Teacher

257 No One Is Alone

257 Not The End

257 Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag 257 O Christmas Tree

257 One Hand, One Heart

257 One

257 Only Child

257 Proud Mary

266 Heroes

267 Hey Ya!

268 Getting Married Today

268 Happy

270 Hell To The No

271 Night Fever

271 Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club

Band

273 The Music Of The Night

273 The Only Exception 273 The Rain In Spain 273 The Safety Dance 273 Thousand Miles 278 Billionaire

278 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 278 The Happening

278 The Lady Is A Tramp

282 Borderline / Open Your Heart 282 Born To Hand Jive

284 Control

284 The Longest Time

286 Give Up The Funk

287 Chasing Pavements

288 Man In The Mirror

288 Say

288 Sexy And I Know It 288 Shout

292 Marry The Night

293 Mamma Mia

294 Loser Like Me

295 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 1)

296 Colorblind

297 Diva

297 Don't Cry For Me Argentina

299 Don't Dream It's Over

300 Let It Be

301 Don't Stop

302 Highway To Hell

302 Hold On

302 Holding Out For A Hero 302 We Will Rock You

302 What I Did For Love

302 What It Feels Like For A Girl

308 Take On Me

309 For Once In My Life

309 Good Riddance (Time Of Your

Life)

309 Hello Goodbye

309 Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

309 Home

309 Homeward Bound / Home 309 Honesty

309 Human Nature

317 Drive My Car

317 For Good

317 I'll Remember

320 I'll Stand By You (Cory)

321 On My Own

321 Taking Chances

321 The Bitch Is Back / Dress You Up 321 Werewolves Of London

325 My Man

326 My Life

327 My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)

327 Never Going Back Again 327 No Scrubs

330 Creep

331 Come What May

332 Never Can Say Goodbye

333 Who Are You Now?

334 You Give Love A Bad Name

335 Womanizer

336 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

337 Come See About Me

337 P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) 337 People

337 Popular

337 River

337 Roar

337 Rolling In The Deep 337 Santa Baby

345 Boogie Shoes

346 At Last

347 I'm The Greatest Star

348 Jar Of Hearts

349 It's Time

350 It's My Life / Confessions Part II

351 It's Not Unusual

352 I'm So Excited

352 I'm Still Here

354 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 5) 354 Don't You (Forget About Me) 354 Dreams

354 Unchained Melody

354 Uptown Funk

359 Bohemian Rhapsody

359 Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel) 359 Lucky

362 Don't Stand So Close To Me /

Young Girl

363 Bridge Over Troubled Water

363 Bust A Move

365 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

366 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

(Reprise)

367 Longest Time

368 Applause

369 All Of Me

370 Any Way You Want It

370 Anything Could Happen

372 Red Solo Cup

372 Rock Lobster

372 Rockin' Around The Christmas

Tree 372 Rockstar

376 Saving All My Love For You

377 (I've Had) The Time Of My Life

377 Piano Man 377 Poison 377 Poker Face

381 A House Is Not A Home

382 4 Minutes

383 Black Or White

384 Blackbird

385 All By Myself

385 Smile

385 You Make Me Feel So Young

388 Wrecking Ball

389 (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural

Woman

389 (You're) Having My Baby

391 Superman

392 Ain't No Way

392 Stayin' Alive

394 Still Got Tonight

394 The Most Wonderful Day Of The

Year

394 The Way You Look Tonight / You're Never Fully Dressed Without A

Smile 394 This Time

394 Whatever Happened To Saturday Night?

399 They Long To Be Close To You

400 All About That Bass 400 Sing!

400 So Far Away

400 Some People

404 Addicted To Love

404 Moves Like Jagger / Jumpin' Jack Flash

404 Sing

404 Someday We'll Be Together 404 Somethin' Stupid

404 Something

404 Somewhere

404 Stand

412 Scream

413 Rather Be

414 Next To Me

414 No Air

414 Papa Can You Hear Me? 414 Physical

414 Piece Of My Heart

414 Pinball Wizard

414 Pony

414 Rehab

422 La Isla Bonita

422 Lean On Me

422 Let's Wait Awhile

422 Little Drummer Boy

422 Little Girls

427 Light Up The World

428 Science Fiction Double Feature

428 Silent Night 428 Silly Love Songs

431 Le Jazz Hot

432 Out Here On My Own

432 Pure Imagination

434 School's Out

435 Hey, Soul Sister

435 I Kissed A Girl (Season Six) 435 Sway

438 I Believe In A Thing Called Love

439 I Have Nothing

440 I Am Changing

441 I Saw Her Standing There

441 I Was Here

441 I Won't Give Up

441 I'll Be Home For Christmas 441 I'll Never Fall In Love Again 446 Funny Girl

446 I Look To You

446 I Only Have Eyes For You 446 I Still Believe / Super Bass 446 Story Of My Life

451 I Love New York / New York, New

York

452 What Makes You Beautiful

453 What The World Needs Now

454 An Innocent Man

454 Bad

454 Because You Loved Me

454 Bein' Green

454 ByeByeBye/IWantItThatWay 454 IfIWereABoy

454 Take A Bow

454 Take Me Home Tonight

462 Barracuda

463 Beauty School Drop Out

464 Chandelier

465 Baby It's You

466 It Must Have Been Love

467 At The Ballet

468 Baby One More Time

469 Beautiful

469 Being Alive

469 We Built This City

472 Being Good Isn't Good Enough 472 I Just Can't Stop Loving You 472 I Love It

472 Isn't She Lovely

476 All That Jazz

476 Blurred Lines

476 Bootylicious

476 Extraordinary Merry Christmas 476 Father Figure

476 Fight For Your Right (To Party)

476 Flashdance... What A Feeling

483 I Don't Know How To Love Him

484 Fix You

484 I Could Have Danced All Night 486 Push It

486 Rainbow Connection 486 Rise

489 Promises, Promises

490 Oh Chanukah

490 Ohio

490 One Love (People Get Ready) 490 Only The Good Die Young 494 Baby

494 Dancing With Myself

494 Defying Gravity

497 Baby, It's Cold Outside

498 Cherish / Cherish

498 Christmas Wrapping 498 Closer

498 Downtown

498 Endless Love

498 Forever Young

498 Friday I'm In Love 498 Friday

498 Gangnam Style

498 Get Back

498 Safety Dance

509 Cold Hearted

510 Clarity

511 Centerfold / Hot In Herre

511 Just The Way You Are 513 Jumpin', Jumpin'

513 Kiss

515 Juke Box Hero

515 L-O-V-E

517 Jolene

518 Jump

518 La Cucaracha

520 Dream A Little Dream

521 A Little Less Conversation

521 Beth

521 Bitch

521 Don't Sleep In The Subway 521 Girls Just Want To Have Fun 521 Have Yourself A Merry Little

Christmas 521 Help!

521 I Dreamed A Dream 521 I'm His Child

521 I'm Still Standing 521 Ice Ice Baby

521 Imagine

521 In My Life

521 It's A Man's Man's Man's World 521 Lose My Breath

521 Memory

521 Outcast

521 Over The Rainbow

521 Same Love

521 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 521 Teach Your Children

521 Tell Me Something Good

521 The Final Countdown

521 Uptight (Everything's Alright) 545 Big Ass Heart

545 I Love L.A.

545 I Melt With You

548 Big Girls Don't Cry

548 Mary's Boy Child

548 O Holy Night

548 On Our Way

548 One Bourbon, One Scotch, One

Beer

548 One Less Bell To Answer

554 Maybe This Time 554 My Favourite Things 554 My Sharona

557 Marry You

558 Cool

559 Cool Kids

560 Celebrity Skin

560 Cheek To Cheek

560 Dance The Night Away

560 Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend / Material Girl

560 Don't Go Breaking My Heart 560 Don't Wanna Lose You

560 Feliz Navidad

560 Here Comes Santa Claus 560 I Know What Boys Like

560 I Know Where I've Been 560 Trouty Mouth

571 Total Eclipse Of The Heart

572 Don't Make Me Over

573 Call Me Maybe

574 We Are The Champions

575 Time After Time

576 Bring Him Home

576 Broadway Baby 576 Buenos Aires 576 Burning Up 576 Yesterday

581 Boys / Boyfriend

582 Mercy

582 You Get What You Give

582 You Have More Friends Than You

Know

582 You Learn / You've Got A Friend

582 You Should Be Dancing

582 You're All The World To Me 582 You're My Best Friend

582 You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' 590 Break Free

590 Jingle Bell Rock 590 Jingle Bells

590 Joy To The World 590 One Of Us

590 Tonight

590 You're The Top

590 You've Got To Hide Your Love

Away

590 Your Song

599 To Sir, With Love

600 Torn

601 Wake Me Up

601 Wannabe

601 Wedding Bell Blues

604 Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me

604 UpUpUp

606 All Or Nothing

606 Alone

606 Cry

606 Leaving On A Jet Plane

606 Let It Go

606 Mickey

606 Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) 606 Mr. Roboto / Counting Stars 606 Try A Little Tenderness

606 U Can't Touch This

606 Uninvited

606 Vacation

606 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 606 What Kind Of Fool

606 Whistle

606 Will You Love Me Tomorrow /

Head Over Feet 606 Wishin' And Hoping

606 YouAndI/YouAndI

624 Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

624 Do You Hear What I Hear? 624 Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh

Yeah)

624 Lucky Star

624 Merry Christmas Darling 629 Damn It, Janet

629 Danny's Song

629 Daydream Believer

629 Deck The Rooftop

629 Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead 634 All I Want For Christmas Is You 634 Angels We Have Heard On High 634 Anything Goes / Anything You Can

Do

634 As If We Never Said Goodbye

634 As Long As You're There 634 Bamboleo / Hero

634 Bella Notte

634 Copacabana

634 Do They Know It's Christmas? 634 Last Christmas

634 Let It Snow

634 We Need A Little Christmas

634 Welcome Christmas

634 Whenever I Call You Friend

634 Whip It

634 You Are The Sunshine Of My Life

650 All You Need Is Love

651 Americano / Dance Again

652 Crush

653 Big Spender

653 Make 'Em Laugh

653 White Christmas

653 Yeah!

657 (Charlie Chaplin song)

657 (originally by Michael Bublé) 657 Away In A Manger

657 Baby Got Back

657 Christmas Eve With You 657 Come Sail Away

657 You Are Woman, I Am Man 657 You Spin Me Round (Like A

Record)

665 You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

666 Starlight Express

666 The Trolley Song

666 The Winner Takes It All

666 There's A Light (Over At The

Frankenstein Place) 670 Take Care Of Yourself

671 Sweet Caroline

672 Ben

672 Best Day Of My Life 672 Blue Christmas

672 Candles

676 Starships

676 Suddenly Seymour 676 Sweet Transvestite

679 Thong Song

680 The Fox (What Does The Fox

Say?)

680 The Living Years

682 The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

682 The First Noël

[angelhummel]

once again i spent hours of my life answering >5000 questions in order to sort almost all of the glee songs ever (there’s 683 songs in the sorter when there’s over 700 on the show) anyway if you wanna see my rankings for those then check it out <3 [also here’s the sorter!]

1 Being Alive 2 Rose's Turn 3 Baby, It's Cold Outside 4 Le Jazz Hot 5 Maybe This Time 6 And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going 7 Come What May 8 To Sir, With Love 9 As If We Never Said Goodbye 10 Valerie 11 Somewhere Only We Know 12 Cough Syrup 13 Teenage Dream 14 Not The Boy Next Door 15 It's Too Late 16 It's My Life / Confessions Part II 17 Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer 18 When I Get You Alone 19 The Happening 20 The Boy Is Mine 21 Home 22 Don't You Want Me 23 How Will I Know 24 Bad Romance 25 Not While I'm Around 26 Scream 27 Shake It Out 28 On My Own 29 Hate On Me 30 Bills, Bills, Bills 31 4 Minutes 32 True Colors 33 There Are Worse Things I Could Do 34 Go Your Own Way 35 Jessie's Girl 36 Proud Mary 37 Tongue Tied 38 Last Christmas 39 Somebody Loves You 40 Back To Black 41 Sweet Transvestite 42 For Good 43 At The Ballet 44 Gloria 45 Blame It (On The Alcohol) 46 Like A Prayer 47 So Emotional 48 Misery 49 Nasty / Rhythm Nation 50 Toxic 51 Don't Speak 52 Born This Way 53 Dog Days Are Over 54 Defying Gravity 55 Last Name 56 Womanizer 57 I Will Always Love You 58 Broadway Baby 59 The Lady Is A Tramp 60 I'm A Slave 4 U 61 Centerfold / Hot In Herre 62 Thriller / Heads Will Roll 63 Bust Your Windows 64 Candyman 65 Brave 66 Boys / Boyfriend 67 The Scientist 68 The Scientist (Acapella) 69 Dream On 70 Hey Jude 71 I Lived 72 I'm Still Here 73 I Believe In A Thing Called Love 74 Me Against The Music 75 Like A Virgin 76 My Man 77 Everybody Wants To Rule The World 78 I Have Nothing 79 Blackbird 80 Got To Get You Into My Life 81 Animal 82 3 83 I Follow Rivers 84 Just The Way You Are 85 Constant Craving 86 Don't Stop Me Now 87 Hung Up 88 Let's Have A Kiki 89 Love Shack 90 Marry The Night 91 Hit Me With Your Best Shot / One Way Or Another 92 It's Not Right, But It's Okay 93 I Want To Hold Your Hand 94 All You Need Is Love 95 Getting Married Today 96 Don't Rain On My Parade 97 Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals) 98 We've Got Tonite 99 Smooth Criminal 100 Uptown Girl 101 Sway 102 If I Die Young 103 No One Is Alone 104 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee 105 No Scrubs 106 Mamma Mia 107 Papa Don't Preach 108 Teenage Dream (Acoustic Version) 109 Santa Baby 110 We Found Love 111 Roar 112 She's Not There 113 Spotlight 114 The Way You Look Tonight/You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile 115 Some Nights 116 Rumour Has It / Someone Like You 117 You Make Me Feel So Young 118 You Keep Me Hangin' On 119 I'll Stand By You (Amber) 120 Hand In My Pocket / I Feel The Earth Move 121 Crazy / U Drive Me Crazy 122 Funny Girl 123 Cold Hearted 124 Keep Holding On 125 Bye Bye Bye / I Want It That Way 126 I Know Where I've Been 127 I Kissed A Girl (Season Six) 128 Hopelessly Devoted To You 129 Homeward Bound / Home 130 Into The Groove 131 Hold On 132 Tell Him 133 Nutbush City Limits 134 Because You Loved Me 135 Perfect 136 Cherish / Cherish 137 Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) 138 Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead 139 You Are The Sunshine Of My Life 140 Tik Tok 141 The Safety Dance 142 Oops!... I Did It Again 143 Run Joey Run 144 Time Warp 145 Something's Coming 146 Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go 147 The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face 148 Vogue 149 Downtown 150 Diva 151 Dancing With Myself 152 Rockstar 153 Wrecking Ball 154 We Are Young 155 I Saw Her Standing There 156 Jumpin', Jumpin' 157 Just Can't Get Enough 158 Take Me To Church 159 Wannabe 160 It's All Over 161 Take Me Home Tonight 162 If I Were A Boy 163 Landslide 164 Pompeii 165 The Bitch Is Back / Dress You Up 166 Christmas Wrapping 167 Buenos Aires 168 Call Me Maybe 169 You Can't Stop The Beat 170 Seasons Of Love 171 Safety Dance 172 Dream A Little Dream 173 Alfie 174 I Want To Break Free 175 Baby One More Time 176 A House Is Not A Home 177 Daydream Believer 178 I Don't Know How To Love Him 179 Hungry Like The Wolf / Rio 180 Suddenly Seymour 181 People 182 Silly Love Songs 183 Love Song 184 Shout It Out Loud 185 Some People 186 One Of Us 187 Sing! 188 Up Up Up 189 Torn 190 Popular 191 This Is The New Year 192 Paradise By The Dashboard Light 193 Let It Snow 194 Let It Be 195 Never Can Say Goodbye 196 Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me 197 La Isla Bonita 198 Tightrope 199 My Love Is Your Love 200 Love Is A Battlefield 201 Losing My Religion 202 Total Eclipse Of The Heart 203 This Time 204 I Dreamed A Dream 205 Leaving On A Jet Plane 206 Locked Out Of Heaven 207 Chandelier 208 Girl On Fire 209 Telephone 210 Don't Cry For Me Argentina 211 Human Nature 212 Halo / Walking On Sunshine 213 Anything Goes / Anything You Can Do 214 Make You Feel My Love 215 Stronger 216 Nowadays / Hot Honey Rag 216 Pumpin' Blood 218 Papa Can You Hear Me? 219 Summer Nights 220 Sweet Caroline 221 Superstition 222 We Will Rock You 223 Alone 224 Hello, I Love You 225 Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now) 226 A Hard Day's Night 227 Mine 228 My Prerogative 229 Beauty School Drop Out 230 My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It) 231 Extraordinary Merry Christmas 232 Every Breath You Take 233 Express Yourself 234 Everybody Talks 235 Everytime 236 Marry You 237 Moves Like Jagger / Jumpin' Jack Flash 238 My Favorite Things 239 Santa Claus Is Coming To Town 240 River Deep, Mountain High 241 My Life Would Suck Without You 242 Be Okay 243 Applause 244 Cool 245 All I Want For Christmas Is You 246 American Boy 247 Cell Block Tango 248 Breakaway 249 Don't Dream It's Over 250 Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself) 251 Whatever Happened To Saturday Night? 252 Without You 253 Science Fiction Double Feature 254 Loser Like Me 255 I Kissed A Girl 256 I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You 257 I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) / You Make My Dreams 258 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 5) 259 Empire State Of Mind 260 Old Time Rock & Roll / Danger Zone 261 Take My Breath Away 262 You Get What You Give 263 Take On Me 264 Beautiful 265 It's Time 266 ABC 267 Afternoon Delight 268 Don't Stand So Close To Me / Young Girl 269 Don't Stop Believin' (Season 1) 270 Colorblind 271 Cool Kids 272 Dancing Queen 273 Songbird 274 Somebody That I Used To Know 275 Singing In The Rain / Umbrella 276 I Feel Pretty / Unpretty 277 Borderline / Open Your Heart 278 In My Life 279 I'm Still Standing 280 Blow Me (One Last Kiss) 281 Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? 282 Do They Know It's Christmas? 283 Mustang Sally 284 Pinball Wizard 285 Anything Could Happen 286 America 287 Any Way You Want It 288 Higher Ground 289 Flashdance... What A Feeling 290 My Life 291 Let It Go 292 If I Can't Have You 293 L-O-V-E 294 Closer 295 Addicted To Love 296 Heroes 297 A Boy Like That 298 Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend / Material Girl 299 Holding Out For A Hero 300 Dinosaur 301 Disco Inferno 302 Party All The Time 303 Raise Your Glass 304 Push It 305 Lean On Me 306 Pure Imagination 307 Lovefool 308 Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' 309 Americano / Dance Again 310 All Of Me 311 At Last 312 Promises, Promises 313 Hair / Crazy In Love 314 Happy Xmas (War Is Over) 315 Chasing Pavements 316 Don't You (Forget About Me) 317 Love Child 318 School's Out 319 Poker Face 320 Boogie Shoes 321 Bootylicious 322 I Love New York / New York, New York 323 One Less Bell To Answer 324 Signed, Sealed, Delivered I'm Yours 325 Rehab 326 I Don't Want To Know 327 Shout 328 I'm The Greatest Star 329 I Love It 330 Never Say Never 331 Juke Box Hero 332 One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer 333 Glad You Came 334 For Once In My Life 335 Here Comes The Sun 336 Baby It's You 337 Drive My Car 338 Last Friday Night 339 Roots Before Branches 340 The Only Exception 341 Survivor / I Will Survive 342 All Or Nothing 343 Time After Time 344 You're The One That I Want 345 Yeah! 346 Starships 347 You've Got To Hide Your Love Away 348 Story Of My Life 349 Something 350 We Need A Little Christmas 351 Gold Digger 352 Beth 353 Fighter 354 Forget You 355 How To Be A Heartbreaker 356 Get Back 357 Love You Like A Love Song 358 There's A Light (Over At The Frankenstein Place) 359 We Got The Beat 360 Make 'Em Laugh 361 Sing 362 U Can't Touch This 363 Try A Little Tenderness 364 Pony 365 On Our Way 366 Lucky Star 367 Loser 368 Over The Rainbow 369 Outcast 370 Stop! In The Name Of Love / Free Your Mind 371 What Makes You Beautiful 372 Will You Love Me Tomorrow / Head Over Feet 373 Wide Awake 374 Wishin' And Hoping 375 Yesterday 376 Out Here On My Own 377 You're All The World To Me 378 Somethin' Stupid 379 Someday We'll Be Together 380 River 381 The Longest Time 382 Somebody To Love 383 The Edge Of Glory 384 The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year 385 Lucky 386 Memory 387 Mary's Boy Child 388 Longest Time 389 My Dark Side 390 Taking Chances 391 The First Noël 392 Smile 393 Celebrity Skin 394 All That Jazz 395 A Thousand Years 396 Big Girls Don't Cry 397 Ain't No Way 398 Don't Sleep In The Subway 399 Doo Wop (That Thing) 400 Don't Stop 401 Uptight (Everything's Alright) 402 New York State Of Mind 403 Turning Tables 404 Vacation 405 Fire 406 Hold It Against Me 407 I've Gotta Be Me 408 Endless Love 409 Run The World (Girls) 410 Saving All My Love For You 411 Give Up The Funk 412 I Am Changing 413 I Melt With You 414 I Could Have Danced All Night 415 Fat Bottomed Girls 416 Hot For Teacher 417 Never Going Back Again 418 Imagine 419 Jolene 420 Arthur's Theme 421 Damn It, Janet 422 Control 423 Barracuda 424 Copacabana 425 Barely Breathing 426 I Look To You 427 Come Sail Away 428 Jump 429 Clarity 430 Friday I'm In Love 431 Jar Of Hearts 432 It's Not Unusual 433 Footloose 434 Here Comes Santa Claus 435 Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy 436 Help! 437 Greased Lightning 438 Hell To The No 439 All Out Of Love 440 (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman 441 Candles 442 All By Myself 443 Hello Goodbye 444 It's A Man's Man's Man's World 445 I Say A Little Prayer 446 It Must Have Been Love 447 Just Give Me A Reason 448 Come See About Me 449 Born To Hand Jive 450 I Want To Know What Love Is 451 I Wish 452 I'll Remember 453 Get It Right 454 (I've Had) The Time Of My Life 455 I'll Stand By You (Cory) 456 Forever Young 457 A Change Would Do You Good 458 Smile (Charlie Chaplin song) 459 Best Day Of My Life 460 An Innocent Man 461 Dreams 462 All About That Bass 463 Home (originally by Michael Bublé) 464 Black Or White 465 Baby 466 Bad 467 Problem 468 Oh Chanukah 469 What Kind Of Fool 470 Wings 471 You're My Best Friend 472 You're All I Need To Get By 473 White Christmas 474 Whenever I Call You Friend 475 Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' 476 What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger) 477 Wedding Bell Blues 478 More Than A Feeling 479 More Than A Woman 480 Our Day Will Come 481 P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) 482 Here's To Us 483 Honesty 484 Hall Of Fame 485 It's All Coming Back To Me Now 486 Teach Your Children 487 Night Fever 488 What The World Needs Now 489 Listen 490 Let Me Love You 491 Live While We're Young 492 Light Up The World 493 Trouty Mouth 494 Werewolves Of London 495 Kiss 496 Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas 497 Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) 498 Mickey 499 Mean 500 Mercy 501 Merry Christmas Darling 502 Let's Wait Awhile 503 Man In The Mirror 504 Rather Be 505 Rise 506 Good Vibrations 507 Faithfully 508 Firework 509 How Deep Is Your Love 510 Fix You 511 Fire And Rain 512 Give Your Heart A Break 513 Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree 514 Little Girls 515 Cry 516 Bust A Move 517 Bridge Over Troubled Water 518 Bring Him Home 519 Cheek To Cheek 520 Break Free 521 As Long As You're There 522 Big Ass Heart 523 Bitch 524 Bamboleo / Hero 525 Away In A Manger 526 Deck The Rooftop 527 Christmas Eve With You 528 Angels We Have Heard On High 529 Creep 530 Crush 531 Make No Mistake, She's Mine 532 Lose My Breath 533 Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee (Reprise) 534 What I Did For Love 535 Wake Me Up 536 Thousand Miles 537 Take A Bow 538 Still Got Tonight 539 The Music Of The Night 540 Stereo Hearts 541 The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) 542 Take Me Or Leave Me 543 I'm The Only One 544 Isn't She Lovely 545 I Just Can't Stop Loving You 546 I'll Never Fall In Love Again 547 Unchained Melody 548 You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch 549 You Have More Friends Than You Know 550 You Should Be Dancing 551 I'm His Child 552 You Learn / You've Got A Friend 553 Somewhere 554 So Far Away 555 Uptown Funk 556 The Winner Takes It All 557 They Long To Be Close To You 558 Tonight 559 Being Good Isn't Good Enough 560 You May Be Right 561 To Love You More 562 Don't Wanna Lose You 563 Do You Hear What I Hear? 564 Ice Ice Baby 565 Don't Go Breaking My Heart 566 Don't Make Me Over 567 I Won't Give Up 568 I'll Be Home For Christmas 569 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For 570 I Still Believe / Super Bass 571 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me) 572 I Want You Back 573 Father Figure 574 Everybody Hurts 574 Gangnam Style 576 We Are The Champions 577 Stayin' Alive 578 Superman 579 The Rose 580 Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel) 581 Fly / I Believe I Can Fly 582 Gives You Hell 583 I Love L.A. 584 Mr. Roboto / Counting Stars 585 O Holy Night 586 Only The Good Die Young 587 One 588 Silent Night 589 Piano Man 590 Sexy And I Know It 591 Sgt. Pepper's Lonley Hearts Club Band 592 Pretending 593 Physical 594 Danny's Song 595 Stand 596 The Final Countdown 597 You Can't Always Get What You Want 598 You Are Woman, I Am Man 599 You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin' 600 Your Song 601 Say 602 No Air 603 Need You Now 604 No Surrender 605 Piece Of My Heart 606 Thong Song 607 Blurred Lines 608 Another One Bites The Dust 609 I Was Here 610 Bella Notte 611 I Know What Boys Like 612 God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen 613 Glory Days 614 Friday 615 More Than Words 616 Waiting For A Girl Like You 617 Welcome Christmas 618 You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) 619 You Give Love A Bad Name 620 We Built This City 621 Whistle 622 Who Are You Now? 623 You And I / You And I 624 Take Care Of Yourself 625 Tell Me Something Good 626 The Rain In Spain 627 Can't Fight This Feeling 628 Jingle Bell Rock 629 In Your Eyes 630 Hello 631 Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) 632 I Only Have Eyes For You 633 Jingle Bells 634 Joy To The World 635 I Wanna Sex You Up 636 Fight For Your Right (To Party) 637 Feliz Navidad 638 I'm So Excited 639 Uninvited 640 The Living Years 641 The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?) 642 O Christmas Tree 643 One Love (People Get Ready) 644 Ohio 645 Only Child 646 Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love 647 My Sharona 648 Dance The Night Away 649 Poison 650 My Cup 651 Not The End 652 What It Feels Like For A Girl 653 Listen To Your Heart 654 Little Drummer Boy 655 One Hand, One Heart 656 Bein' Green 657 Big Spender 658 Billionaire 659 Ben 660 Gimme More 661 Burning Up 662 Hey Ya! 663 Hey, Soul Sister 664 Baby Got Back 665 Blue Christmas 666 Bohemian Rhapsody 667 Far From Over 668 The Trolley Song 669 Starlight Express 670 Whip It 671 You're The Top 672 Red Solo Cup 673 Next To Me 674 Rolling In The Deep 675 Rainbow Connection 676 La Cucaracha 677 (You're) Having My Baby 678 A Little Less Conversation 679 Happy 680 Highway To Hell 681 Same Love 682 Rock Lobster 683 Girls Just Want To Have Fun

[pointnumbersixteen]

A Few Thoughts on the Ghosts’ Christmas Special

I’m going to start with the things I really liked, because that’s always best.

1) In the Bleak Midwinter. Beautiful. I’d love to have a Ghosts’ musical. I don’t care how much they’d have to stretch to pull it off. But since that’s unlikely, all of them singing a Christmas carol together was a nice gift to help sate that desire. Did I mentioned it was beautiful? Some of the cast can really sing... the rest of them can at least fit nicely into a chorus. And the way it fit into the episode, with the Ghosts satisfying Alison’s Christmas wish after she did her best to satisfy all of theirs, that was wonderful. All of my subsequent rewatches have been for that part. And ‘twist-it.’

2) I enjoyed the bits with Fanny and the Christmas tree. I don’t know why, but that was one of my favorite subplots. Maybe because I really love Christmas trees. And Fanny remained tolerable throughout, which is hard for Fanny.

3) I enjoyed Pat and Cap’s reaction to the handsome men comment, straightening their ties and looking proud of themselves. It was very adorable. And how Pat and Cap spent most of the episode together. 

4) Mary’s interactions with the baby were interesting and added something both to her character and to the world-building of the show (babies can sometimes see ghosts) which could pay off later in the show if Mike and Alison ever have a child or something like that. 

5) Julian’s daughter became a Green party MP. That’s perfect. 

And the things I didn’t like... (because, unpopular opinion, overall I was kind of disappointed with the episode?) These are largely subjective, but hey, most entertainment reactions are. 

1) Mike’s family was kind of awful. They didn’t treat him with any respect whatsoever. Particularly his sisters. Like, y’all are all in your late twenties/early thirties. He’s hosting y’all, trying to give you a really nice Christmas. And your reaction to this is to intentionally try to make him miserable and angry so he’ll have a meltdown on Christmas day that you can record and laugh at him about later? That’s not a fun sibling dynamic. That’s super immature and toxic and if my sister or I tried doing stuff like that to each other, we’d probably just stop speaking to each other. I certainly wouldn’t invite her over for Christmas.

2) I didn’t like how Kitty sided with Mike’s sisters, with the oh, yeah, Mike’s so stupid bits. I get how she’s lonely and bandwagons with whatever young women are in the house, and yeah, Mike isn’t the brightest bulb out there... but neither is Kitty, for that matter, so maybe show a little loyalty to the guy you live with and who does his best to accommodate you and your ghosty friends even though he can’t see y’all? 

3) Where is Alison’s family? It would have taken one line to establish that they are dead, estranged, vacationing in Bermuda, what have you. It’s not like they have to go into all of the details, if they want to make that a focus of a later episode... even if they want to leave it a mystery, they could have mentioned something like, ‘oh, I wish my family could have been here’ or ‘oh, I wish I had any sort of relationship at all with my family.’ Not mentioning it at all just left me with a giant question mark and seems needlessly coy. It’s not like they trimmed all the fat for run time, because they certainly didn’t, so ‘wasn’t relevant enough to make the cut’ can’t be the explanation. 

4) A lot of the characters’ subplots were EXACTLY what I would have predicted them to be. Thomas spending most of the episode pining for a kiss under the mistletoe from Alison? If I had to put money on a prediction beforehand, that would have been it. Robin ranting that Christmas is a crock? Same. Kitty following various people around the house like a puppy while tossing hints that her sister is horrible? Well, that’s basically what she does in most of the episodes. Pat’s Christmas recollections of the eighties being exactly what mine were in the nineties... the kids playing board games (later video games) while the adults drink until someone inevitably squabbles? Of course they were. And on the one hand, it speaks to consistent characterization... but on the other hand, doing the most predictable thing possible with half the characters is kind of... boring. Like, I’m sure they could have kept the characters in-character while coming up with something a bit more surprising for at least ONE of them. It would have been nice.

5) Once again, Humphrey is underutilized. I enjoy Humphrey as a character, so I find the episodes where Humphrey is just a prop to be a bit frustrating and his entire experience in this episode was being used as a baby mobile for a few seconds. 

6) And once again, we get no new information on the Captain. And after thirteen episodes, it’s becoming less mysterious and more frustrating. Half the fun of mysteries is being provided hints and tidbits to see if your guesses are going to pan out and so it’d be great if they could get on with that. I know they’ve said in interviews they want to set the tone before getting into some of the deeper stuff, but... the tone’s set, guys. You’ve had two full seasons. Get to it.  

7) I didn’t find making Julian’s plot the emotional payoff of the episode very satisfying. He spent his daughter’s entire life avoiding her at Christmas and listening to a baby cry for like 24 hours 30 years after he died suddenly made him rethink his life choices? It just didn’t feel very believable for him to have the Ebeneezer Scrooge Christmas change-of-heart just from that. That it made him curious about what happened to his daughter? Sure. That it suddenly enlightened him to the true meaning of Christmas? That seemed OOC to me. This is Mr. Balls-to-Animals we’re talking about.

8) If, alternatively, you see Mike’s conversation with his dad about how eventually he and his mom aren’t going to be able to do the things they do on Christmas as the emotional payoff, that works a bit better narratively, but I found it incredibly depressing to be reminded that eventually my parents are going to die in the Christmas episode of my emotional-comfort show, particularly since we all spent Christmas sick with covid (thankfully, after a few scary days, it looks like we’ll all probably recover, but still, that was not what I needed this year... and I know they wrote this episode before covid became a thing, but still, Boxing Day when my dad was trying to tell me how his blood sugar had shot above 300 but he couldn’t get a single full word out without coughing ranks as one of the scariest days of my life and trying to re-watch the Christmas special afterwards for comfort to be hit by the reminder that this could be our last Christmas together hurt. I know, again, that’s very specific to my situation, but there it is.). 

Anyway, I’ll probably add more stuff as I think about it more, but these are the things that stuck out to me after three watches. 

[gleekto]

Full Fic: Even Better Than the Real Thing

Words: 18,295 (how did that happen?)

Full fic now on AO3

Summary: College AU/Famous!Blaine and Fanboy!Kurt - Kurt POV

Kurt really doesn’t have time to figure out the dating world between being a freshman at prestigious theatre school, LAADA,  and his active but secret blogging life in the Sing!Fandom. So what if Sing! ended last year? There are still fics to read and actors to follow. Especially the uber talented heartthrob lead, Blaine Anderson. He can act. He can sing. He can even dance. He’s gay. He’s out. And he’s only 24. Kurt is willing to twiddle his thumbs and click refresh until Blaine Anderson’s next project.

He just didn’t expect the next project to be on his roommate Rachel’s new TV show.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12

Even Better than the Real Thing (13/13)

They decide to tell Rachel first. Aside from being the obvious choice, she would be a nightmare if she ever found out she was second shrift to anyone in Kurt’s life. He would definitely not be able to handle her moping around the apartment wondering if he even really considered her a friend in the first place - last week he finishes her oat milk, this week, he’s dating her co-star and she’s the last to know. Of course, in this scenario he never had any of her oat milk, and she wouldn’t be the last to know, but regardless, not telling her first certainly wouldn’t be worth the headache.

“So you think we should just let her walk in on us?” They’re still lying half naked in Kurt’s bed hours after their “reunion”, Blaine lying on his front, Kurt on his back, with Blaine’s butt as his pillow. “I mean she should be home in what - 20 minutes?”

“Oh shit,” Kurt looks at his watch. “More like 10. And I think my breakfast dishes are still sitting on the table.”

They scramble to put on clothes, quickly make Kurt’s bed, and Kurt amusedly watches Blaine try to figure out how to arrange his throw pillows, while he finishes cleaning up his dishes. By the time Rachel waltzes in the front door, they’re sitting across from each other at the kitchen island, each with a cup of hot lemon tea, and trying to look casual.

“Hi Kurt. I have had the busiest day. Let me tell you I’m completely exhausted-” Rachel finally looks up and sees them. “Blaine?” Kurt can feel Rachel trying to come up with a way to phrase her obvious question.

“Hey Rachel,” Blaine smirks, amused, but doesn’t offer any explanation. Kurt kicks him under the table. “Ow.”

“So you’re um-” Rachel purses her lips. “Both feeling better now, I take it?”

“Much better,” Blaine smirks again. 

“Okay yes,” Kurt huffs. “We are feeling better and we are,” Kurt motions between Blaine and himself. “Yes.”

“Yes?” Rachel claps her hands excitedly. “This is so great - can you imagine the PR headlines for the show?” Kurt glares at her and she stops. At least for the moment. “I mean, I’m very happy for you. So anyways. You have my blessing.” Kurt laughs out loud.

“Thank you?” Blaine looks at her suspiciously.

“Well, Kurt is my best friend and I do have inside knowledge that you are a good kisser.” Now Blaine laughs out loud. “So may you be blessed with all that goodness.”

“Oh I will be,” Kurt says and Rachel at least looks slightly embarrassed. So he’ll take it as a win.

...

The fun part is telling Mercedes - it’s always so satisfying to have her approval. They FaceTime her.

“You look better,” She notices right away.

“I am,” Kurt beams, Blaine standing behind the computer out of her view. “We talked and-”

“And?” Her eyes go wide.

“And, yeah,” Kurt shakes his head still in a bit of disbelief. We’re seeing what happens.” She squeals in the best way. “And actually,” Kurt smiles even wider, “There’s someone I’d like to introduce you to.” Kurt’s favourite part is watching Mercedes’ jaw drop as Blaine saunters into the frame.

“Hey Mercedes,” He smiles his warm smile. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“And you, Mr. Blaine Anderson.” Mercedes smiles reflexively shaking her head back and forth. “I am just - wow. Hello.” Kurt remembers being starstruck. It feels like a long time ago.

“No need to be so formal,” Blaine dismisses. “Kurt just calls me Mr. Anderson.”

“You wish,” Kurt elbows him in the side.

“And he even has a sense of humour,” Mercedes is still smiling dumbly.

“Well, maybe next time we’re alone,” Blaine whispers so only Kurt can hear and he gets elbowed even harder, Kurt trying to remain casual.

“So we do need to ask you not to mention this - or any of our future hang outs - on your blog,” Kurt adds, half in jest all in earnest. 

Mercedes nods but Blaine chimes in, “Though if you did say that you had a friend who met me, and that I do have a much better sense of style than Colin Red, I would appreciate it.”

“You did get yourself a comedian, Kurt.”

“My style is better,” Blaine huffs.

“And you can mention that ‘your friend’ said the guy Blaine was with was at least a 9/10,” Kurt says.

“You mean a 10?”

“Aren’t you sweet,” Mercedes nods at Kurt, impressed.

“You think I would date a 9? Please. It will all be confirmed when I talk to my publicist, anyways,” Blaine says nonchalantly.

“Your publicist?” Mercedes and Kurt repeat at the same time. Mercedes in shock, Kurt curious.

“Just give me five minutes.”

...

Who is the pretty face having coffee with Sing!’s favorite heartthrob? You asked  and JustJay has the answers. His name is Kurt Hummel and we have got the SCOOP! 

Kurt laughs as he clicks on the link the next morning. Blaine had spoken to his publicist for a total of five minutes and said a sum total of seven words. Kurt Hummel...Dating...19...LAADA...Rachel’s roommate.

Sorry to any of the hopeful fans out there. Blaine Anderson of Sing! and That’s So Rachel fame, officially confirmed that he is off the market. At least for now. He is dating Kurt Hummel - and he’s his co-star’s roommate. Awkward!

But good luck to the happy new couple!

And that’s it. Kurt Hummel is dating Blaine Anderson. And some of the more ‘high end’ entertainment bloggers note that Blaine requests privacy about his personal life at this time. At least that way they can decline couple selfies when a fan sees them out to eat.

...

Kurt isn’t able to see Blaine again until the weekend, thanks to a lengthy  location shoot. He has the week to catch up on his school work, only being mildly distracted by Blaine’s flirty texts - He laughs out loud to his empty apartment when a pic of Blaine shirtless in his trailer, with the top of his boxers showing above his jeans, pops up. 

Blaine: Finally gets to see me shirtless whenever he wants.

What an ego. 

Kurt: Definitely not as often as I want.

Kurt is pretty sure that’s what makes Blaine come right back to Kurt’s apartment with Rachel that Friday, rather than at least dropping his bag off at home first. “First weeks of dating are always the hardest,” Blaine says as he shuts Kurt’s bedroom door and pulls Kurt on top of him and kisses him long and slow. 

Kurt pulls back. “The hardest?”

“Mmmm,” Blaine mouths along his neck. “Very hard not to want to be naked all the time.” Kurt can’t really argue with that. Despite his sense of romance, he definitely does not want to go out right now.  

It doesn’t take them very long to shed their clothes and crawl into Kurt’s bed to wrap around each other. Then it slows down as if in slow motion. The last time they were together was desperate - Kurt was surprised and nervous and unsure of what was happening. Now he’s calm (in a horny sort of way) and he lets Blaine wrap around him as Blaine explores his body - the sensitive spot two inches under his armpit, the strip below his belly, even his balls which Blaine cups in his hands. He moans in appreciation and Blaine likes it. He likes it too.

He lets Blaine finger him open that night while Blaine gives him a blowjob and it doesn’t even feel like a thing. Kurt is on his back and Blaine is sinking up and down on him, wet and slow, slurping in a sort of grotesque satisfaction. Kurt lifts his knees up to see what might happen andBlaine pops off momentarily and stares at Kurt’s open legs, then stares at his eyes as he grabs the lube. When Kurt nods, Blaine sinks back down and touches him so effortlessly that Kurt forgets to be nervous. Light presses turn to one finger, then two. In and out.  So many sensations and then he’s coming in Blaine’s mouth.

There is just something very easy about being with Blaine Anderson.

...

Rachel is the one who convinces them to do the interview. 

They’ve been dating uneventfully for half a year when That’s So Rachel gets renewed for a second season. Other than the occasional photo request or silly headline - Blaine Anderson buys some strawberries while out for a walk with his beau - Kurt feels like he’s having a pretty regular first relationship. They spend several nights a week together, but not every night, they see plays, bake cookies, hang out, have spectacular sex thanks to Blaine’s well honed skills (It’s not my skills, it’s you, Blaine says over and over but Kurt still thinks he’s indulging him). Tumblr seems like a distant memory though Mercedes tells him there is an active RPF fandom writing fics about them  - Klaine, she says. What on earth is a klaine? And he’s still acing all his classes.

Then one day the request comes from good old JustJay, and Rachel is all in.

“It will be such great publicity for our new season,” Rachel insists. “The true love behind the show. Come on, you know it will be fun.”

Kurt definitely does not know that. Neither does Blaine. But they give in mostly because Rachel is pure enthusiasm and what really is the harm? So they find themselves sitting on a little couch in JustJay’s small rented studio, arms crossed on their laps like the little old couples in When Harry Met Sally.

“It’s true. He was a fan,” Blaine confirms. “Of my first TV show, Sing!”

“That’s his false modesty talking. I was a fan of Sing! But mostly, I was a fan of Blaine Anderson - young, out, gay. Not bad looking,” Kurt teases. “But I was Rachel’s friend and roommate long before I knew anything about them working together.”

“It was serendipity,” Blaine squeezes his hand and the camera pans in. Kurt can just imagine the fics that will come out of this.

“It was random luck.”

Blaine continues, “We have a lot in common - growing up gay in Ohio, love of musical theatre. We even both sang in show choirs. I’d never date a fan, though.”

“But,” Kurt continues his sentence. “When we met through Rachel, I was too embarrassed to admit I knew who he was. I was just trying to get through a five minute awkward conversation with my celebrity crush without making  a fool of myself.”

“But I wouldn’t let him go.”

“He wouldn’t let me go.”

And the rest is history.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Tuesday 24 July 1838

4 ¾

9

Charles called us – fine morning – ready in ¾ hour – I had ordered breakfast (café au lait) for A- only .:. I merely took a mouthful or 2 of bread and drank a little water meaning to breakfast on the mountain chez le beau frère de Charles – thankful afterwards that A- had breakfasted odd at 6 10 all clear – the views of this valleys and mountains charming – but in about ½ hour some little clouds passing before us that we should probably come into by and by – in the skirts of them for ¼ hour or 20 minutes and no view till they began to clear off just on our reaching the Plateau de [Marborisa] at 7 33 where we found the man from Gèdre who is to be my guide to the Vignemale waiting for us – a gentleman a few years ago employed him to find the way to the top of this mountain inaccessible on this (the French) side – whether the gentleman was killed in the revolution or what has become of him, the man does not know but he paid him 125fr. on his having discovered the way in doing which the man and his companion who crossed a glacier in the ascent were very nearly lost in a crevasse – the man shewed a little mark or 2 on his hand of hurts then received – but the way he discovered is easy – no glacier to cross, and very little snow to cross – not more difficult than the ascent of Mt. Perdu – 8 hours walking from the last cabane but on Charles’ telling him I was a good walker the man said it would take 6 hours from the last cabane which cabane is 4 hours ride from Gavarnie in the vallée d’Ossonne – the descent upon Boucheron 6 hours – and 6 hours de marche from Boucheron to Penticouse – the descent upon Penticouse 6 hours – For taking us (myself and Charles) to the top of the pic the man asked 30fr. – I said I had been thinking of 20/. to which the man agreed at once I being to find his nourriture  (not much) and give him something on reaching the top, to drink my health with – agreed – (said nothing but mean to give him 5fr. piece) – the man to meet us at Gavarnie this evening and all 3 to sleep at the Cabane leaving A- to sleep at Gavarnie and meet me and Charles at Bouchero at 3pm tomorrow – all settling took about 10 minutes or more .:. it was about 7 ¾ when we were off again – had had a steepish ascent so far ‘une montée rude’ said Charles – 2 hours more of ascent before we reached the cabane at [Poyerabie] at 9 ¾ but it had been clear since leaving the Plateau de Marborisa, and sunny, and the morning delightful – en passant, had had a moments’ peep at the Chapelle de Héas – but we left the cascade de Gloriette at a little distance (left) saw nothing of it – or the pretty wooded slope down into the valley de Héas and this upper part of the valley d’Estaubé, after reading of M. Chausenques’ preferring the valley d’ Estaubé to every other valley of the Pyrenees to pass 2 or 3 weeks in disappoints me? I observed to A- that the meadows looked like English grass plots – the hay just what would come off an English grass plot after 2 or 3 weeks from the last mowing – several peasants mowing and busy in their hay – but very few granges – 2 fine large flocks of sheep on the opposite side the valley farther on – the pasturage let to strangers to people from near Tarbes – Thankful again and again that A- had breakfasted – I began to feel the want of mine – the cabane here (at [Poyerabie]) in the style of that at [Golles]  (on the ascent to Mt. Perdu) – but instead of being roofed by impending rock, all built up with stone and roofed with wooded spars and sods – about 4ft. high within, and long enough and broad enough for the five bergers to sit and churn in (shake their sheep-skin-bags with the milk in them till the butter forms) and to lie down in – perhaps 9 or 10 ft. long and 6ft. bread within § - Charles asked if I would have pâte – yes! would taste it – a little of dead dried grass gathered from the mountain side served to light the little fire of jumper roots and branches which smelt quite fragrant while burning – a largeish pan full of crème (it seemed like one butter milk) with [Q.S.] of Indian corn flour and a little salt was set to boil slowly, and in an hour the pâte was ready – a thick porridge – I should have thought they had put some grease (as in the Gollis soup) in it, if they had not assured me to the contrary – it tasted strong – but really very tolerable – A-liked it – I cautioned her not to eat much saying it was strong – Charles thought it could not hurt anybody – the bergers have no meat – but bread and milk for breakfast and supper and pâte at noon – I did not take much but more as I found afterwards than my stomach would bear – had before eaten some bread (which had luckily been put into A-‘s basket at home to fill up with) and drunk a little old milk (skimmed – petit lait) and I now ate up the bread with butter just fresh churned from the sheep-skin bag, and had also some of the shepherd s’ bread (wheat ½ rue) and made a good breakfast at 11 – having had plenty of time to look about me – the entrance

§ to the cabane about 3ft. high and 2ft. or not so much wide the little fire-place close to it in the south end of the place towards les murailles d’Estaubé

SH:7/ML/E/21/0151

opposite the little fireplace at the south end a little open hole in the north end wall perhaps about a foot square or not so much for the light let in by it and by the door hole or rather entrance hole for no door not enough to shew the countenances of the 2 bergers sitting at a. and b. churning – the middle part the hollow between the 2 bancs was covered with the capes of the bergers and so dark I could distinguish nothing even after I had sat a minute or 2 in the cabin shewing the men my clasp knife which interested them much – but the smoke affected my eyes and sent me out to A- sitting on the sunny walled up (stones and mud) banc at the south outside end of the cabane in which the present 5 bergers had lived 3 seasons – but would be away on the mont de Bergons on the 1st of next month the pacage ici being let aux étrangers from that day – Mt. Perdu from here like a little mammelon [mamelon] on the top of the Marboré – can go by the valley de Cambiel to the vale d’Aure on horseback (Charles’s beau frère, married his wifes’ sister, would be our guide with Charles) but not by the pont de Canaa could only go on foot by the Pont de Canaa – cannot see this port from here – it is at the extremity of the valley de Héas, and hid from here by the mass of mountain parting the 2 valleys (of Héas and Estaubé) could go from here on horseback by the Pont de Pinède, but could not get the horses down on the Spanish side – From the P. de Pinède, Port Vieux, and P. de la Canaa one descends upon Notre dame de Pinède (chapel) – sitting on the outside banc of the cabane, en face des murailles d’Estaubé, le cylindre forms the right end of the cirque; about 1/3 from that a brêche laisse voir la neige sur le versant Septentrionale du Mt. P- and a glacier reaching down to the bottom of the brêche § (i.e. about midway the whole height of the cirque or murailles and about the level of the Pont de Pinède) and Mt. Perdu itself does not appear from here higher than the rest of the cirque, or murailles – glittering cone of snow a mere filling up the end of the brêche – at 1/3 farther the Pont de Pinède, a brêche seeming about twice the breadth of the other brêche – and at 1/3 farther the cirque or murailles terminates in a 2 pointed (rather obtuse-pointed) conical mass of rock and another brêche seeming about ½ the depth of the other brêches, wider than the 1st and less wide than the 2nd, and this last forms the Port Vieux – the left side of this last brêche being formed by the rocky mountain (not lower than the right side 2 pointed mass) that in a long line of mountain which almost immediately from the Port Vieux becomes more or less striped with lines of green – separates our valley of Estaubé from that of the Héas -                       §Ramond escaladé (got up) this glacier steep as it is, but his trouble in vain, Mt. P- being quite inaccessible de ce côté – Spanish smugglers have come along the foot Mt. P- and have descended this glacier –

sometime before arriving at the cabane (from the plateau de Marborisa) perhaps about ½ way Charles pointed out the place near the gave where the man was shot by a Spaniard during the 1st French revolution in the evening of the same day, and with a ball in the forehead in the same place respectfully in which he the man had shot a ball into the forehead of the virgin Notre dame at Héas, in the morning! –

Delighted with our view from the cabane of the murailles (or cirque) d’Estaubé – off from the cabane at 11 50 – our views of Mt. P- now clear, now tipped or streaked with cloud, very fine – to me very interesting, as we climbed up from the cabane higher and higher over l’herbe glissante, or rough slippery rock on which my own feet were scarcely much more those of my little horse (mare) but Charles would make me ride as well as A- who said nothing but went on very quietly – for said Charles you will have plenty to do yet – it was always agreed to take Charles’ beau frère as guide from the cabane but Charles had luckily taken also another of the bergers who, as he said at 1st, had merely gone because he chose to walk a little of the way with us – but a la suite, I know not what we should have done without him – at 12 ¾ stopped 10 minutes for the 2 guides and our 2 bergers to sit down, and wet their lips – (no wonder – la montée était bien rude) – and here the Marboré just in sight – several specimens of contorted rock here – and on the side of the Piméné up to the green just under the Pic – after a desperately hard [?] of it for the horses, alighted at 1 – my horse turned loose and A-‘s and the baggage given in charge of the berger and Charles’s beau frère mounting with us to carry A-‘s basket and cloak and my light tartan ditto and the 2 guides, one on each side of A-, got her on very nicely, I following – we had walked or climbed about 10 minutes or ¼ before and were halting on a little bit of level when my horse cam frisking up to us having scrambled up somehow – the opportunity too good to be lost – A- was mounted – the bridle had been taken off to let the animal graze but the halter was round its neck – and A- literally rode to within a very short distance of the Petite Pic – for we arrived there at 1 48 and out of the 48 minutes from the time of alighting at 1 she had only walked 18 minutes a few stone rudely piled together to mark the Petit to which we had had about ¼ hour of scramble up the bare, scaly (argillo [argile] schisteuse) rock with here and there little while saxifrage and a very pretty little pink flower and pencil geranium etc. growing on the little hedges – very fine, magnificent view from the petite pic of the Marboré, the cirque de Gavarnie and all the sea snow-spotted of mountain tops around, and here we sat down -   I saw that A-‘s head would not, even if her legs would, carry her much higher; for the crête was indeed a crête a giddy narrow ridge along which I felt that my own head in its then aching state would not be trop forte – my breakfast had disagreed with me and I had had more or less of bilious head-ache for the last couple of hours – advised A-‘s not going higher and she willingly took my advice, and we left Pierre with her, and in seven minutes at 1 58 had reached the smutty – it was a glorious sight to look upon – a noble congregation of mountain tops – Vignemale and its glacier the largest in the Pyrenees – the Marboré and its cirque, and its cascade – but the pic d’Astazou hid the glacier-vallon of its source, and thus shut out 1/3 (400ft.) of its fall – Mt. Perdu shewed his head quite clear and towering Spanish mountains formed a fine background on each side the Marboré – the Pont de Bouchero seemed easy – snow lying near the top; but Charles said it did reach the road and A- would get on well tomorrow – the higher valley of Las Espessières seemed parallel with the valley of the P. de Bouchero – Charles pointed out the spot where lay the Cabane at which we were to sleep

SH:7/ML/E/21/0152

tonight, and the 2 pointed hill or lower mountain at the foot of which we were gain the Spanish side of the Vignemale evidently inaccessible from the French side – the 2 men lost 2 years, were lost near the foot of the Glacier (on their way from Cautertz [Cauterets]) – Poor Charles he seems not particularly anxious for the montée – sure we shall have plenty to do – and not sure of the weather – began to doubt what the Gèdre said about the facility of getting up – would like to consult the other man – thought we could hardly get to the cabane tonight– I merely said nous verrons – clouds were already in the distance over Tarbes and the mountains beyond Argeles [Argèles] – the fine clear on the summit had rather relived my head, so that I got down again in 7 minutes better than I had got up – not difficult climbing but so precipitous my head would scarcely carry me – Charles walked down and bade me to do the same which I did in fact he taking hold of my hand saying n’ayez pas peur – marches hardiement [hardiment] – as we stopt cautiously from ledge to ledge – but on getting back to A-, and looking up again, I felt as if I could not tell how we had managed to get up – the crête is so narrow one cannot go along it without seeing down the precipice on each side – poor A- turned her head away and could not bear to see us come down – the grand pic seems a cone with just one ridgy line 4 or 5 ft. or less broad so ledgy that one get up – the area at the top is very small indeed rather oval – perhaps 6 or 7 yards the smaller diameter and 10 or 11 the larger – if so much – the whole of the cone or pic quite bare –

on the Piméné up to the little pic

Thrift

pencil geranium

Daisies

Gentinella

centaury? or a little saxifrage?

little pink flowers the whole plant not growing on the little narrow ledges of the grand pic

Azalea procumbus Wednesday 12 September (vide 4 September)

on the [Coumélie]

lis Martagon

Iris

jumper

rhododendron ferrugineum

aconite

garance sauvage? the root good for toothache

anisette in the wood  close above the road from Gèdre to St. Sauveur  

Left the high pic at 2 25 Friday 27 July back again to A- at 2 32 she had the yolk of a hardboiled egg and we sat looking about us till 3 – the princess! de la Moscowa had been got up to the grand pic – but A-‘s head could hardly bear the petit pic – and indeed the little ridge or crête we sat upon was not more than a few feet (5 or 6ft.) board but the grand pic above the mass of mountain we had ascended below, and the 3 men standing on one side a lower ledge towards the cirque de Gavarnie (west) and on the other the precipice being rather less perpendicular, we sat comfortably – off on our way down again at 3 A- between the 2 guides and getting on very slowly, her head evidently not stronger than the occasion required – at 3 18 reached the place where A- had dismounted we had sent one of the bergers round with the horses to meet us down below on the montagne d’allanz and we had a steep, rough, shingly rocky, untracked scramble down A- getting on slowly till about 3 ¾ when after a scramble down an arête of rock (a wall) we were obliged to cross a piece of steep slippery snow which took us 10 minutes or ¼ hour A- still between her 2 guides and apparently hardly able, from fright or fatigue or both, to drag one foot after the other, or I think we should have passed this only bit of snow in 5 or 6 minutes – dragged on poor A- about ¼ hour farther to warm her feet till 4 20 and she then sat down on a piece of rock, and had a couple of little humps of sugar steeped in brandy which seemed to refresh her – we sat down again at 4 40 but here we had l’herbe glissante – my sick headache which had latterly been very bad here relived itself and as I lay down at a yard or 2 distance from A- my stomach rid itself of the pâte without anybodys’ knowing anything about it till I told A- I felt relived – it was 5 10 before we got to the horses and then a good deal of cloudiness striped (in striped) across the pic d’Astazou and towards the cirque de Gavarnie – we were only just up in time – A- mounted but got off two or 3 times afterwards and walked very well – I walked all the way back till about 10 minutes from the Inn at Gavarnie where we arrived at 7 I more tired from sickness and headache than anything else – the Inn full – but on my saying we must go to Gèdre, the people seemed determined to exert themselves – we dined as I proposed in the garret, and I proposed sleeping there but A- thought it would be close, and some country people turned out of the 4 bedded room over the kitchen and I was comfortable enough tho’ there was about a board-floor between the kitchen and us and every sound was heard – dinner about 7 ½ - A- had a veal cutlet and bread and butter and cheese – I a little weak brandy and water and then a basin of boiled milk and dry bread with a little butter – Charles came at 7 ¼ to say the Vignemale guide was come – Charles afraid of the cloudiness and advised waiting for moonlight – so did A- too late at any rate to go to the cabin tonight and without sleeping there could not possibly reach the summit of the Vignemale in time -  .:. sent word by Charles that I should probably go to the Vignemale a few days hence, 10 days or a week, sooner or later and would let the man know – considering the terms and all that to be fixed – but that if it should happen that I did not go at all, I would give the man a 5fr. piece for the trouble he had already had – this last part of the story Charles thought very handsome, and seemed pleased saying that by this means I was sure of always being attended to – came to our room at 8 ½ - very fine day

[thtdamfangirl4]

thanks @pretend-im-normal for this set of questions!

i shall start with a christmas ask game (yes i know it’s january 28th) created by none other than archie’s husband

1. Their favorite Christmas tradition

I think for Archie it has to be baking christmas cookies. He loves doing it even if it’s just him, but especially doing it with the people he loves. He takes the decorating process way too seriously (this may or may not be inspired by my real life) and all the bois pitch in and reginald’s are always disturbing but annoyingly delicious and dorian’s are always a little goth and octavius’s are fabulous and archie keeps telling him that louboutins are not a christmas item but octavius insists that since he asked for them for christmas they should count, and archie loves him so he lets it slide. Eustace very carefully decorates and does his best and every time you eat one you can tell it’s full of love. Jasper wants everything to be as colorful as possible and he covers them in sprinkles. And nathaniel, lovely nathaniel, can’t decorate for shit but he just has fun with it and laughs the whole time and that makes archie’s chest feel tight for reasons he can’t explain until later. And then Archie and Nate finally start dating and during their first Christmas, aside from the bois cookie night, they do one of their own and Archie shows Nate how to decorate the way he does and Nate can’t quite get there but he’s following each direction with fervor and they look pretty good and he’s so proud of himself and Archie sneaks mistletoe into the kitchen and kisses him and now they do it every year, and every year Nate gets a little better. And eventually they have kids and they join the tradition (even the annual cookie decorating night with the bois), and Cam is fantastic at cookie decorating and Ben eats the dough and Archie swats him teasingly with a wooden spoon every time and Evie mixes icing colors cause she’s great at art and Nate washes dishes and makes a valiant effort and they dance around the kitchen and sing christmas music playing from Archie’s phone and he smiles the whole time and every year, he pulls out the mistletoe and kisses his husband and the kids go from thinking it’s cute to thinking it’s gross and embarrassing and all the way back to thinking it’s adorable when they’re old enough and one year Evie snaps a picture of it and it’s on the Christmas card the next year. Christmas is his favorite time of the year, and cookie days just feel like this magic untouchable place where he’s with his family and doing what he loves and to him, it is Christmas personified.

2. Their favorite Christmas song

It’s very hard to narrow down, so I’ll give a top three: All I Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey, Last Christmas by Wham!, and Mary Did You Know by Pentatonix.

3. Their least favorite Christmas song

This will not come as a shock, because well... I’m Archie. It’s Michael Buble’s version of Santa Baby. He loves most of Michael’s Christmas music, but in his words, Michael Buble “needs to man up and be willing to fuck Santa or don’t bother singing the song.” He just made it weird by having it be Santa Buddy and Santa Pally. And Archie loves this song. He tweets Michael Buble about it every Christmas, begging him to erase it from existence.

4. Their general feelings about Christmas

Archie goes feral for Christmas. He loves everything about it. Fun, family, love, festivity, good music, good food, an excuse to bake 24/7, baby Jesus, buying presents, getting presents. Archie prides himself on being the Christmas Bitch. He’s especially fantastic at gift-giving.

5. Their favorite Christmas treat

Octavius’s homemade pizelles dipped in spiked hot chocolate.

6. The best gift they ever received

When Evie is like 20, she gives him a scrapbook for Christmas. It’s filled with pictures of Archie, Nathaniel, the kids, and the other bois over the years. Every page has Taylor Swift lyrics that relate to the images and stories, as well as messages she’s written and cute captions. In addition to pictures, there’s little mementos like ticket stubs or receipts or notes she’s collected from her dad and her aunts and uncles and scattered throughout the book are cutout lines from a printed out version of the poem he wrote for his and Nathaniel’s anniversary. Archie cries for like 3 hours.

7. The worst gift they ever received

One year, Jessica gets him in the PTA secret santa, and she gets him a few workout shirts and an expensive bottle of red wine. He’s so offended. To an outsider, this may seem like a nice gift, but it’s very clear that she got him the shirt because she disapproves of his crop tops. And she knows full well that he doesn’t really like red wine. He’s a white wine bitch. She knows. It’s been discussed.

8. The best gift they ever gave

He likes to joke that the best gift he’s ever given is the supplementary bundle of “free sex” coupons he gave to Nathaniel their first Christmas together (he also got him a fluffy bathrobe, a playlist of songs that remind him of nate, an anthology of queer writing and letters from historical figures, and a trip to color me mine, don’t worry). But the real best gift he ever gave was years later, when they’ve been married for 5 years. He surprises Nathaniel with a trip to New York, where he’s also gotten them tickets to a revival of Hamilton, they go on a tour of diner breakfasts, and then have a shopping and spa day. And then he has them get dressed up but Nathaniel doesn’t know why and after they go to a fancy dinner, he takes Nathaniel to the Woolworth building on Broadway (where the ball scene from Enchanted takes place), and the whole place has been rented out there’s the actual singer from the movie and they slow dance in the romantic lighting to So Close (their wedding song) and it’s endlessly romantic and both of them are crying a lot little.

9. The worst gift they ever gave

No. Archie has never given a bad gift in his life.

10. How they decorate their house

dude. DECK THE FUCKING HALLS. There are two trees. One is picture perfect and looks straight out of a hallmark movie, and the other one is covered in popcorn strings and tacky ornaments from movies and shows and homemade ones by the kids and Ben always puts too much tinsel on it and Cam eats the candy canes so it’s a little wonky and that one is not-so-secretly Archie’s favorite. Beautiful wreaths on the doors and windows outside. Beautiful real-looking garland and berries and red ribbon and little bells decorate the banisters and staircases. There are lights everywhere. Christmas paintings. Outside is decked the fuck out in lights of all colors, he loves the icicles, no blow ups, but he does get a moving reindeer made of lights, and it’s a whole winter wonderland. Lots of seasonal scented candles. White lights on the mantle. Always a fire burning in the fireplace. A beautiful handmade and well-lit nativity scene. Cinnamon scented pinecones everywhere. Santa, reindeer, and snowman figures are in a lot of places. He puts mistletoe above every doorway, molding, entryway, high cabinet, or anywhere he can hang it because the man loves love and he wants as many excuses as he can get to kiss his husband.

11. Their favorite Christmas memory

On Evie’s first Christmas, she gets all fussy and cries a lot while they’re at Octavius and Dorian’s for Christmas Eve and so they go home early and they put her to bed but it’s only like 8pm. So they have their own end to the night and it’s just them in their pajamas, watching The Holiday and Love Actually while drinking tea and they just cuddle up under a blanket. Archie gives Nate forehead kisses and they fall asleep curled up on the couch halfway through The Year Without a Santa Claus. And he wakes up and Nate isn’t there anymore and he finds him holding Evie in her rocking chair humming Christmas songs to her and he just watches from the doorway until Nate finally looks up and smiles at him. And then they get everything ready cause everyone they know is coming to their house for Christmas and Evie wears an adorable Christmas onesie and they all open presents but. Those like 12 hours. Cuddling with Nathaniel and watching christmas romcoms and waking up to see his husband rocking their beautiful baby daughter to christmas songs. Yeah. That one’s his favorite.

12. Their least favorite Christmas memory

When he was like 12 (back in the regency days) he got sick on Christmas and couldn’t go to any of the events or parties and he hated it. But other than that,,, there’s a reason Christmas is his favorite time of year. It’s magic for him.

13. if/Where they travel for the holidays

Nah. He always stays home. He’s the Christmas Hostess With The Mostest. Always home for Christmas. He, Nathaniel, and the kids do go to Disney World for the week before/including New Year’s one year though.

14. Who they spend the holidays with

Obviously: Nathaniel, Octavius, Dorian, Reginald, Jasper, Eustace, Tyler, (and eventually) Evie, Ben, and Cam, and Eustace and Tyler’s kids. Gigi, Chloe, Jackie, and Liza, switch off every year whether they’re with family or the bois. Lynn and Suzanne always come to Christmas Eve and stop by on Christmas day before going to see their families. Every once in a while, Reginald brings a Doug who had nowhere else to go.

15. All of their Christmas traditions (not just their favorite XD)

jesus. well some have been listed. Cookies, decorating, hanging mistletoe fucking everywhere. he starts listening to Christmas music on November 1st. Snowball fight with the whole crew. Snowman contest with the whole crew. Getting drunk and watching Hallmark/Netflix Christmas movies. Making cinnamon rolls for christmas morning. wearing an entire christmas wardrobe in the month of december. Christmas treats at the bakery. Looking hot at Nathaniel’s work Christmas party. Wrapping presents for weeks after the kids go to bed. Making the world’s best hot cocoa. Bugging Octavius for his pizelle recipe (he won’t give it up). tweeting one direction and begging them to reunite for a Christmas album. Rewatching all the holiday seasons of the Great British Bake Off. Making roast for Christmas dinner. Making mulled wine at some point. Game day with the crew the day after Christmas. Writing Nate a poem every Christmas they’re usually really bad . eating one candy cane per season out of obligation and then going back to his hatred of mint. buying a million seasonal items at Bath and Body Works. watching It’s a Wonderful Life with Nathaniel on Christmas Eve Eve. Dressing his kids in christmas pajamas. That’s all I can think of for now.

okay i’m finally done this took me almost two hours oh my god. happy frat boi-ing.

[tabloidtoc]

National Examiner, January 25

Cover: Secret Dawn Wells took to the grave: her affair with Bob Denver of Gilligan’s Island 

Page 2: Best and Worst Celeb Tippers -- Katherine Heigl, Amy Schumer, Drew Barrymore, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Madonna, Johnny Depp, Jay-Z 

Page 3: Charlie Sheen, Ben Affleck, Sean Penn, Sharon Stone, Naomi Campbell, Mark Zuckerberg, Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg took the 2020 Tip Challenge 

Page 4: Goldie Hawn’s movie roles 

Page 6: Melissa Gilbert who played Laura Ingalls on Little House on the Prairie says if there’s one piece of unfinished business that emerged from the show it’s that she’d like to punch former co-star Shannen Doherty -- Shannen was only 12 when she joined the Little House cast for the show’s ninth and final season playing Jenny Wilder but in a couples therapy session with her first husband Bo Brinkman it came out that Shannen at 22 had bagged Bo in bed 

Page 7: Country star Dolly Parton may be 75 year old but that doesn’t stop her from leaping out of bed at 3 a.m. every morning -- she’s a very very very early riser and she goes to bed pretty early but she’s up and down

* Tom Hanks has been in countless movies and TV shows but his most important role in life has been as a father of four and he has tips for how to do it right 

Page 8: If you’ve soured on feeding canned dog food to your precious pooch you’re not alone -- plenty of owners are switching over to healthy people-food diets for their pets but it’s essential to get guidance from your veterinarian 

Page 9: Most of your kitty’s diet should be a nutritionally complete cat food but you can give them a treat from your plate every once in a while -- you just need to know how to choose feline-friendly snacks with nutrients they need and which they should NEVER eat -- check with your veterinarian 

* Why animals creep into our dreams -- we all dream about animals from time to time and here are some of the most common creatures of our nights and what they could be trying to tell us 

Page 10: On his 21st birthday Matt Goodman raised a glass to his late father who had left behind the money to buy his son’s first beer 

Page 11: Your Health -- the stark truth is that sleeping naked is good for you 

Page 12: Top Guns -- these Hollywood stars were fastest on the draw -- James Garner, Henry Fonda, Eli Wallach, Burt Lancaster, Roy Rogers 

Page 13: Kevin Costner, Yul Brynner, Gary Cooper, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne 

Page 14: Dear Tony, America’s Top Psychic Healer -- a lesson from COVID-19 which is work on mentally healing ourselves, Tony predicts Miley Cyrus will struggle to overcome many of her self-destructive habits, finding strength through religion and she will be back on the hit parade come summer 

Page 15: If you and your partner fight a lot here’s a great idea to grasp: holding each other’s hand is the key to better conflict resolution 

Page 16: Prince William and Duchess Kate Middleton might be royals but they’re raising their children just like any other parents and family is their first priority and Will and Kate are rarely apart from their three kids Prince George and Prince Charlotte and Prince Louis 

Page 18: Maggie the shelter stray was twice unlucky when two potential forever homes kicked her to the curb but now she’s found her true calling as a beloved K-9 officer 

Page 19: A homeless man in Atlanta put his life on the line to rescue every single cat and dog from a blazing inferno at an animal shelter 

Page 20: Cover Story -- a three-hour tour that turned into a three-season laugh-fest on Gilligan’s Island made Dawn Wells a star and she took the show’s juiciest secrets to her grave including a red-hot affair with co-star Bob Denver -- Dawn who died of complications related to COVID-19 at age 82 hid a crazy sexy side which she kept under wraps because it was the exact opposite of the squeaky-clean image se presented to the world as farm girl Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island 

Page 22: This Michigan teen is a top Elvis Presley impersonator even performing in Las Vegas and the only one with Down syndrome 

Page 24: Texas firefighters were hailed as heroes after they rescued a four-year-old boy who had fallen down a well 

Page 25: Here’s the dirt on soil-free gardening 

Page 26: Nice Work If You Can Get It -- celebs shell out stupid money for stupid jobs -- Rod Stewart travels with a room-darkening team, Lady Gaga hates to sleep alone and her personal assistant had to get in bed with her on nights when Gaga was solo, Larry Ellison likes to play basketball on his yacht and employs a person who job it is to circle it in a boat and retrieve stray balls from the ocean, Mariah Carey has a woman who stands beside her at all times holding a drink, Snoop Dogg pays a professional blunts roller, Prince Charles has a personal dresser, Justin Bieber’s entourage includes someone to hold his drink and another to hold his slice of pizza, Sean Combs has an assistant whose only job is to carry around an umbrella for him 

Page 28: Burt Lancaster was one of Hollywood’s biggest stars acting in more than 70 movies during a four-decade-long career but he was also a silly practical joker says his daughter Joanna Lancaster one of the actor’s five children 

Page 30: Legendary actress and dancer Ann-Marget will be 80 years old in April but she’s still stepping out and making movies -- you’re not dead when you reach a certain age said the star who shot to fame when she famously dated Elvis Presley when they made Viva Las Vegas in 1964 

* Candice Bergen running wild and free at age 74 -- she recently became a first-time grandmother and is selling her hand-designed merchandise online 

* What is Marie Osmond doing during the pandemic? She bought a Harley motorcycle and so did her husband Steve and they love to go riding together -- the twosome also take walks and see their kids and grandkids and stay busy and have fun 

Page 42: All Washed Up -- surprising facts about bathing and showering 

Page 44: Eyes on the Stars -- Ellen DeGeneres goes for a spin in California (picture), Chrissy Teigen and John Legend take their kids Luna and Miles to watch planes make the tricky landing at St. Barts’ airport (picture), Joan Collins claims she once gave Bobby Kennedy the brush off because neither of them was single at the time, George Clooney can’t bear the thought of his early film Grizzly II seeing the light of day but it is set to be released later this year, Barry Gibb the last living member of The Bee Gees says life was incredibly hard after losing his brothers and bandmates Robin Gibb and Maurice Gibb who died in 2012 and 2003, Ray Liotta and Jacy Nittolo engaged, Bob Seger paid tribute to saxophonist Alto Reed a longtime member of his Silver Bullet Band who lost his life to colon cancer 

Page 45: Prince Charles and Duchess Camilla show off their walking sticks outside their home at Birkhall in Scotland (picture), Tori Spelling gets some puppy love from one of their pet pooches in L.A. with help from hubby Dean McDermott (picture), Megan Fox has moved on with Machine Gun Kelly and her estranged husband Brian Austin Green isn’t moping solo -- he vacationed in Hawaii with Sharna Burgess of Dancing with the Stars, British photographer David Bailey is dishing on his storied career in his memoir -- he claims sloshed Elizabeth Taylor tried to swipe his camera and his first impression of ex-wife Catherine Deneuve was that she was short and a bit on the fat side, Phyllis McGuire who shared the stage with her late siblings Dorothy and Ruby as the McGuire Sisters died in her lavish Las Vegas home -- she found fame through her voice and infamy through her relationship with Sin City mobster Sam Giancana 

Page 46: Good-hearted sheriff’s deputies surprised a woman with a vehicle after they kept getting calls about her walking along the highway in the freezing cold each morning 

Page 47: These UN Ambassadors use star power to help -- Emma Watson, Danny Glover, Nicole Kidman, Angelina Jolie, Antonio Banderas, Whoopi Goldberg, Susan Sarandon, Liam Neeson, Laurence Fishburne, Mia Farrow, Katy Perry, Alyssa Milano 

[jmsa1287]

A Year in Review: The 31 Best Episodes of TV of 2019

There's never been more TV than this year. Thanks to the launch of new streaming services like Apple TV+ and Disney+ (with more to come in 2020!), there is an infinite number of hours of content out there. And while not all those TV shows are worth a watch, mot seasons of shows genuinely contain at least one great-to-amazing episode. The 31 episodes listed below are the ones that stood out the most; that either became part of the cultural conversation or were not well-watched but still resonated in a way that deserved more attention. Whether it was the writing, the acting, a visual moment or a hilarious scene, these selected episodes rose above the cut to show what TV can do in this unprecedented era.

31. “Striking Vipers,” Black Mirror Season 5, Netflix 

30. “Smell Ya Later,” Killing Eve Season 2, BBC America

29. “Chase Gets the Gays,” The Other Two Season 1, Comedy Central

28. “Refugees,” Ramy Season 1, Hulu

27. “Finish It,” The Deuce Season 3, HBO

26. “Chapter 7: The Reckoning,” The Mandalorian Season 1, Disney+ 

25. “Life’s a Beach,” Pose Season 2, FX

24. “Easter,” Better Things Season 3, FX

23. “Chapter 8: Overview,” The OA Season 2, Netflix

22. “Reborn,” Servant Season 1, Apple TV+

21. “Stories,” Broad City Season 5, Comedy Central

20. “Blondie,” High Maintenance Season 3, HBO

19. “The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed,” Euphoria Season 1, HBO

18. “The Bad Mother,” Big Little Lies Season 2, HBO

17. “405 Method Not Allowed,” Mr. Robot Season 4, USA

16. “1:23:45,” Chernobyl Season 1 HBO

15. “Dundee,” Succession Season 2, HBO

14. “Episode 9,” Mindhunter Season 2, Netflix

13. “401 Unauthorized,” Mr. Robot Season 4, USA 

12. “Take Me as I Am, Whoever I Am,” Modern Love Season 1, Amazon

11. “Part Four,” When They See Us Season 1, Netflix

Ava DuVernay's achingly painful "When They See Us" miniseries about the persecution of the Central Park 5 is capped off with its brilliant final episode; a showcase for Jharrel Jerome ("Moonlight") who undergoes a transformation here unlike any other actor on TV this year. Playing Korey Wise, we see Jerome go from happy-go-lucky New Yorker to a victim of the vicious prison system who is beholden to his truth despite its consequences. It is a harrowing 88 minutes of TV that is both devastating and beautiful, carried on the shoulders of Jerome's unparalleled performance.

10. “A God Walks Into a Bar,” Watchmen Season 1, HBO

The penultimate episode of "Watchmen," the buzziest show of the fall, is the most Damon Lindelof has been during this stellar season of TV. "A God Walks into a Bar" is a revealing episode in the same way as the last season of "The Leftovers," Lindelof's previous project. The episode reveals that for all of its surrealness and commentary about race and gender in our world, the "remix" of the popular comic book series is, at its core, a love story. Lindelof sets the episode as a classic cosmic joke but as it goes on, it exposes itself to be full of heart and emotion; about two people from different parts of the universe (and different parts of the space-time continuum?) connecting. At a bar. Over beer, conversation, and eggs.

09. “Strawberries,” Ramy Season 1, Hulu

Unlike anything depicted on TV, "Strawberries," the peak of Hulu's comedy "Ramy," created by standup Ramy Youssef, is told in flashback, tracking a young Ramy in the days leading up to and after 9/11. Seeing the event play out from the perspective of a young Muslim child in middle school is heartbreaking and raw; a highlight that is thoughtful, meditative, funny and surprising.

08. "Shook One Pt. II,” Euphoria Season 1, HBO

It's not until "Shook One Pt. II" that "Euphoria" finally clicks and finds its groove. Playing out at a carnival, the episode raises the dramatic stakes for the show's young cast, where creator Sam Levinson's bold aesthetic choices complement the intense tension on display. Part thriller, part romance and all edge, this episode of "Euphoria" features stellar performances from Zendaya, Hunter Schafer, Jacob Elordi and more.

07. “Volume 7: The Magician" + "Volume 8: The Hanged Man,” Too Old to Die Young Season 1 Amazon

It was hard to pick just one episode of Nicolas Winding Refn's twisted noir cop saga "Too Old to Die Young." The controversial auteur made a perfect thing for streaming age; somewhere between a film and a series. NWR said himself that you can watch the episodes out of order, or start from anywhere, which is sort of true. But it's the back-to-back episodes towards the back half of the series, "Volume 7: The Magician" and "Volume 8: The Hanged Man," that stand out the most; a chaotic and insane set of events that turn "TOTDY" on its head.

06. “Posh,” PEN15 Season 1, Hulu

"PEN15" is hands down the funniest show of 2019 but it's the Hulu series episode "Posh" — a thoughtful and insightful examination of racism in the 00s — that is the show's highlight. In the episode, BFFs Maya (Maya Erskine) and Anna (Anna Konkle) make their own version of the Spice Girls with a group of mean girls at their middle school for a class project. They force Maya, who is Japanese-American, to play Scary Spice — the only woman of color in the insanely popular British girl group, because Maya is the only girl of color among them. It sparks a deep divide between Maya and Anna that is explored in the short episode with maximum effect.

05. “DC,” Succession Season 2, HBO

Over the last few years, Americans have made Congressional hearings they're own sort of perverse reality show. So, it's no surprise that "Succession" would go there and put members of the Roy family on display and under scrutiny. The main targets here are Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) and Cousin Greg (Nicholas Braun), who have to answer a number of questions about Waystar Royco's handling of alleged sexual assaults and crimes involving the company's cruise line. "Succession" had been building up to this moment since early Season 1 and the payoff is both cringe-worthy and hilarious.

04. “The Great War and Modern Memory,” True Detective Season 3 HBO

Filmmaker Jeremy Saulnier's ("Green Room," "Hold the Dark") crack at a TV show is nothing short of spectacular. With "The Great War and Modern Memory," he establishes an unsettling mood and tone to the third installment of "True Detective," a somber story about two cops investigating the disappearance of two young children over the span of several decades. The episode is poetic and solemn, featuring two mind-blowing performances from its stars Mahershala Ali and a career-best Stephen Dorff. They're both in tune with what kind of show they're in, selling creator Nic Pizzolatto's writing, which coming out of the mouths of other performers would likely sound dreadful.

03. “Episode 1,” Fleabag Season 2, Amazon

Filming a dinner scene is not as easy as it looks. For the first episode of the second season of the outstanding "Fleabag" both writer/creator/star Phoebe Waller-Bridge and director Harry Bradbeer hit out of the park. It's a whirlwind of an episode where PWB's Fleabag character literally tells the audience Season 2 is a love story, which, of course, involves the so-called Hot Priest (Andrew Scott). "Episode 1" is fast, zippy, and manages to get most of the show's cast in one room, featuring wonderful performances from not only PWB and Scott but also Olivia Coleman, Sian Clifford and Brett Gelman. It's a chaotic half-hour of TV that has a kinetic energy unlike anything else this year, taking an awkward family dinner to its limits.

02. "Series Finale Part 2: Hello, Elliot,” Mr. Robot Season 4, USA

The series finale of “Mr. Robot” is as emotional as it is shocking. Sam Esmail sticks the landing with his hacking drama, turning a story about a vigilante and his crew trying to right the wrong world into a personal journey of a young man struggling with deep trauma. It’s a beautiful sendoff, that is fully satisfying and a magnificent accomplishment of modern television.

01. “Never Knew a Love Like this Before,” Pose Season 2, FX

"Pose" proved itself to be an uplifting and hopeful show, uprooting cliched and tragic stories about trans people we've come to see on screen and instead, opts to show us something beautiful. But its "Never Knew a Love Like This Before" that is 2019's best episode of the year — a heart-wrenching and unexpected boom and a reminder that trans people, especially trans women of color, are often in danger. Here, Candy (an out-of-this-world performance from Angelica Ross), who orbited around the main cast in the series, is murdered. She returns to her funeral in spirit, having in-depth conversations with her friends, enemies and frenemies. Pray Tell (Billy Porter) honors her by moving forward with her wish — a lip-synch category for the balls that he previously rejected. It's a beautiful story about the history of queer culture that's personalized in an unexpected way.

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Plot: “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: Series | Mafia!AU | Crime!AU | Angst | Romance/Fluff | Smut

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC

Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language, Angst, Slow Burn, Smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || Admin E’s WP || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 2,105

Tag List: @prisczero​, @pinkpjmin​, @btsaudge​, @flowerwrites06​, @unoriginal-username15432, @halussali​

Chapter 38: Lie

“Take me out of this hell. I can't free myself from this pain.”

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Taehyung wasn’t normally a morning person. He worked late nights, especially with running the Indie record label alongside Jungkook, which meant hours upon hours spent at the recording studio. There were nights when his insomnia would take hold of him, keeping him from being able to rest properly. Waking hours lulled on with worries that he often kept to himself. When he didfinally sleep, it was restless and sometimes plagued with nightmares. He tried sleep aids that Jimin suggested, but they only worked so long as he didn’t grow dependent on taking them every day.

This particular morning, Taehyung was up just as the morning haze began to lift. Cradling a steaming paper cup of coffee, he approached the quiet amusement park. They wouldn’t be opening for a couple of months, what with it being the off-season. Being a former Golden Jackal had its perks and he was able to unlock the large padlock connected to the links of chains outside of the gate. The metal hinges creaked loudly and he winced, wondering if this resembled how the gates of Hell would open when entreating new residents.

I’ll find out one day, I guess, he thought, smirking against the brim of the cup as he entered the park while stuffing the padlock into his coat pocket. He always believed he was damned. May as well make the most of his life while he was still up and kicking.

Spring was around the corner. He could feel it. The air was less frigid and held a distinct warmth to it, even through the overcast sky.

Taehyung glanced around casually, peering at the different rides. The park looked like a ghost town since no one was there to enjoy the festivities. Vendor booths were empty of prizes and food, but he knew if he imagined hard enough, he could hear the ambient noise that came with the scenery.

A stab of nostalgia poked at his chest as he recalled the small-town festivals that were held in his hometown. Farmers gathered to drink, barter goods, and traveling performers visited to entertain the townsfolk. Taehyung was amused with it until he became a teenager, wondering if the country life was all he was going to ever surround himself with. He’d had his own ambitions to leave and head to the big city, but he never imagined he would have done it with his childhood friends.

Everyone seemed so set in their ways back then. Even Namjoon.

He halted his steps, lifting his face to the sky. I wonder when things started to change…

“It’s creepy when no one is here,” said a voice behind him.

Taehyung lolled his head lazily to the side, pivoting slightly until he was face to face with the person he agreed to meet with that morning. He pulled the hood back on his hoodie, sneakers shuffling on the concrete as a better dressed Chae Hyungwon approached. His bubblegum pink hair looked faded, mostly from the overcast skies, but his piercing eyes seemed even brighter than normal. The silver earrings dangling from his lobes jingled softly as he walked, a soft smirk pulling at the corners of his full lips. While Hyungwon was dressed in what most would consider business casual, Taehyung felt severely under dressed in comparison.

And he didn’t give a damn.

Hyungwon stopped just a few feet in front of Taehyung, the two men facing each other. Instead of greeting him (or even acknowledging his earlier comment), the younger man took another drink of coffee. He made a point to slurp in an obnoxious fashion, unbothered by the simple lift of a brow from Hyungwon.

When he pulled the cup from his lips, Hyungwon scoffed as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “You didn’t even bother to bring me a cup of coffee?”

Taehyung shrugged a shoulder. “I didn’t know I was supposed to.” And to be a brat, he took another long sip.

“So disrespectful to your Hyung,” Hyungwon replied casually.

“Now that,” he said, the hand holding the cup pointing at him, “you most certainly are not.”

Hyungwon made a dramatic show of being insulted, placing a hand on his chest as if he’d been physically struck. When he noticed that Taehyung wasn’t going to humor him, he returned to his normal posture and expression.

“You’re no fun.”

“Why did you want to meet me at such a stupid time of day?”

He watched the older man take a few steps forward, closing the gap between them, before side-stepping Taehyung and walking past him. He turned his body in time with his movements, not wanting to have his back to the Snapping Turtle. However, Hyungwon seemed focused on whatever he was processing in his head as he continued walking, not bothering to see if Taehyung would follow. He didn’t care to be left alone, but he wasn’t comfortable with Hyungwon running around and being left to his own devices in a place only he had been allowed access to.

“Hey!” he belted out, but the older man continued walking with no signs of slowing down his pace at all. “You gonna answer me or what?!”

Again, he was ignored.

Annoyed, Taehyung jogged forward and grasped onto Hyungwon’s shoulder, whirling him around so they were face to face. When he did, he was suddenly aware of something sharp pressed against his neck. Taehyung rocked back on the balls of his feet, surprised he still had a hold of his coffee. Hyungwon’s eyes, which were playful and light earlier, were now dark and threatening. A lump formed in Taehyung’s throat and as he swallowed, he was even more aware of the cold bite of the item still against his skin.

“Taehyung-ah,” came Hyungwon’s even tone, his hold on the knife steady, “I know it isn’t your style, but you should really mind your manners.”

Taehyung smirked, slowly setting his feet back evenly on the ground, and shrugged. “Oh, right,” he said, as if he was remembering something, “I forgot how you hate being touched.”

Hyungwon quickly removed the knife’s edge from his throat, folding the blade back into its confines and slipping it into his pocket. Taehyung absentmindedly rubbed at his neck, checking if the skin was broken. When he saw no blood, he looked up at Hyungwon who was now brushing his hands through his hair in irritation.

He wasn’t going to be the only one who got riled up at this asinine hour of the day.

For a while, the two men just stood in companionable silence. It was like this before; in the past. When the Golden Jackals didn’t exist. Back then, the Jade Fangs were the young gang climbing up in ranks on the streets. Their reputation wasn’t as profound as it was today, but, in time, they were able to gain notoriety where it counted.

And it happened because of them; the Golden Jackals.

“If I call you ‘Hyung’, just for today, will you tell me why you dragged me out of my bed?”

Hyungwon’s irritated expression was immediately replaced with a mischievous grin. “I’ll think about it.”

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “That’s the only offer you’re getting. If you don’t have anything to tell me, I’m going back to sleep.”

Without waiting for an answer to his ultimatum, he turned on his heels and began walking back towards the entrance of the park.

“Icarus died because he flew too close to the sun.”

His sneakers made a loud scraping noise as he halted abruptly. Slowly, he turned his head to look over his shoulder at Hyungwon. The older man stayed where he was, hands once more in his pockets.

Taehyung quipped a brow at him. “Yeah, so what?”

“His hubris is what killed him.”

This time, he narrowed his eyes. “Again, so what?” he asked through clenched teeth.

Hyungon’s lips pressed together in a thin line. He looked like he was about to say something, then stopped. Taehyung did his best not to squeeze the paper cup in his hand. He visibly looked like he was piecing something together, formulating the words in his head. Taehyung smothered his anger down into his gut to keep from exploding in outrage at Hyungwon.

After what felt like a small eternity, the older man met Taehyung’s eyes. “You all need to leave Seoul.”

Though he hadn’t meant to, Taehyung burst into a small fit of laughter. “I’m sorry, what was that?” Hyungwon clearly wasn’t joking, but he couldn’t stop laughing. “You want us to leave where now?”

“Seoul.” Hyungwon’s tone was clipped. “You need to leave Seoul as soon as you can.”

“Fuck that.”

“I’m serious, Taehyung-ah. Leave Seoul.” Hyungwon sighed, averting his gaze. “At least for a little while. Until things settle down.”

Taehyung’s laughter died off. “And why the hell should we do that, huh?” He was smiling, but he could feel the precursor of an eruption bubbling in his chest. “After all the hard work we’ve put in through the years, after everything we’ve fucking accomplished, you think we’re just gonna turn tail and run? Huh?”

Hyungwon said nothing, which only made him angrier. Why wasn’t he giving him more of an explanation than that? What the hell was so goddamn pressing that he felt the need to tell him and his brothers to fucking scram? As far as he was concerned, they’d paid their dues and done their time. They had no reason to flee the scene because they weren’t in the shadows anymore.

A sliver of light peeled in through the clouds, followed by several more rays that beamed down around them. The concrete took on an ethereal glow, shadowing their forms even more than they had been under the cloud cover. Even the steam rising from his coffee was lost in the darkness.

“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way.”

“And why the hell not?”

“Because it doesn’t.”

“No,” snapped Taehyung, pointing to Hyungwon angrily, “you need to make it work that way. I don’t know what your boss has planned, and I don’t fucking care. We’re not playing the game anymore. We’re out!”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“What?!”

“I said that it doesn’t matter.” Hyungwon’s brows furrowed slightly. “You think the game is over just because you’ve folded your hand? Don’t be so naïve.”

Taehyung scoffed, rolling both his neck and his eyes, before giving him an incredulous look. “Wow, Chae Hyungwon, you—”

“The game is still being played, Kim Taehyung. So, while I’m telling you nicely, you need to take whatever you can and get the hell out of Seoul.”

Taehyung’s anger was boiling and on the verge of overflowing. Yet he couldn’t say anything. In all the years he’d known Hyungwon, he’d only ever seen him this serious once. And that was on the night war broke out in Gangnam five years ago.

The night when the Golden Jackals solidified their place in the criminal underworld.

Something else dawned on Taehyung at that exact moment. Why it had taken him so long was something he’d have to battle with later, when his mind was a little quieter. But now? Now he had a better understanding of the situation. Now he had a better grasp on the danger they were about to be in.

Or already were in.

Those bastards are about to make a move, he thought, almost horrified by the idea of it, and he doesn’t care that we’ve pulled out from the competition.

“Leave the table.” Hyungwon approached Taehyung, walking around him and heading toward the exit. “Before you’re forced to see just how much you’re about to lose.”

He watched Hyungwon exit the amusement park, leaving Taehyung alone as the sun continued breaking through the clouds. His hands shook violently and hot coffee spilled out onto the ground, burning the back of his hand. But he couldn’t feel any of it. He was completely numb. If his entire body wasn’t trembling with the force of his rage, he might have cared.

Reaching into his back pocket, he fished out his cell and quickly dialed a number. It rang twice before they picked up. Swallowing the lump in his throat once more, Taehyung wet his lips as he tried to regain his voice. As he tried to tether some semblance of sanity back to his brain - to keep his mind from running amok without reason.

But he had a reason. They all had one.

Because the game wasn’t over yet.

“Hoseok Hyung,” he said gently, his fingers curling into a literal death grip around the phone, “I think we’re about to have some problems…”

[ageofevermore]

1-96

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

it’s a dual sliding door, so usually one sides open. but preferably, both doors are closed. 

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

sometimes in the summer, not often though. 

(3) Can You Whistle?

yes! 

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

well for some reason there’s a guy on my TV singing God Bless The USA

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

purple

(6) Relationship Status.

single because my favorite omegle guy won’t answer me 

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

48F / 9C

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

i woke up wishing i was still asleep

(9) How Many Followers?

835

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Sun: Capricorn, Rising: Aries, Moon: Aquarius 

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

brown / hazel 

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

no

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

obviously, i’m not completely insane

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

whatever fucking book my english class assigned...

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

i literally only have a text book by me and opening it is triggering

(16) Favourite Anime?

i don’t watch anime

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

my mom...about greys anatomy...but still my mom about christmas and my birthday. i cry alot, but i like REALLY cried about those two topics

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

chapstick, trauma, candles 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

it’s only 10am and i haven’t even thought about breakfast 

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

yes, and then my mom yells at me because i do nothing “subtly” and the entire car shakes

(21) Favourite Animal?

white siberian tigers, snow leopards, dolphins, and now elephants

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

unfortunately. i love gymnastics, but like, i’m not trying to watch men in toboggans and swim caps 

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

anywhere between 12pm and 3am

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

no, i never wear makeup because it makes me look more ugly

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

ocean

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

besides my friends i don’t really have a favorite blog, i stick to my circle and don’t venture very far 

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

bottled. 

(28) What Makes You Happy?

i couldn’t tell you...

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

without, but i always start with it on. it never lasts more then two songs.

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

dogs

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

a shade of purple from the crayola 200 pack

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

wii

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

ocean

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

hell mothering fucking year i do baby, lets take that train to hogwarts 

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

its a friends pj crop, so black and white stripped with the central perks logo

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue?

yup

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

save money 

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

my cup 

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

stranger things ig

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

no, those assholes scare me, but i’ve grown + released them 

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

um chile, i would follow my best friend off a cliff with no hesitation

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

all the fucking time 

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

ITS MY FAVORITE FORM OF TRAVEL 

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

the hannah montana movie

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

peanuts 

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

one direction 

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

yes 

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

yes, but it takes me forever to fall asleep 

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

yea, depends on the day and the level of scardy bitch i feel like being 

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

i love both 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

hell yeah, let me feel the beat in my kidneys 

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

carve pumpkins 

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

no tears left to cry by ag

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

fall

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now?

a churro + peppermint mocha frap

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

(58) What Is Your Gender?

female (she/her)

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

iced coffee / sweet tea

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

yeah, i have environmental homework and US I homework and Algebra II homework

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

bruh, idk 

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

no, that shit’s never made 

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

jigglypuff 

(64) Favourite Social Media?

pintrest 

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

they’re okay

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

no. i don’t miss thins very easily, i’m away from home for a week and i have no doubt that i could spend the rest of my life without going back. 

(67) Are You A Virgin?

yes sir

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

idk, some really thick and heavy in hydration set 

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

sleep in my car, though both options scare me 

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

i have a strained relationship with my bio dad, but unfortunately i still have to associate myself with him a few times a year 

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

black widow or spiderman 3, but i’m willing to see anything just take me back! 

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

i’ve never had an ex, but i do wish krystian would stop ignoring me. stupid scotland boys 

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

“friends dont lie”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

green / brown 

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

i loved swinging, but a few years ago it started making me dizzy so i don’t swing very often anymore. but tire swings especially are my shit 

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

chicken flavored ramen 

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

yes 

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

yeah...because they’re dying and if i have the skills to save them...why wouldn’t i?

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

honey, i do full virtual high school. we stan a pandemic (we don’t)

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

social media stalker is my middle name. not anymore though, i haven’t been asked to find a boy in a while 

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

no. i hate it. anxiety city man. 

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

i don’t wear rings, but i really want to.

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

closed

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

woke up, watched stranger things, made ramen 

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

whatever i fall asleep in. 

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

are beauty and skincare the same? because i don’t own much makeup. 

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

i used to be a night person. but this pandemic has hit hard with depression and i’ve become a stay in bed all day person

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

2048 balls, among us, ball sort puzzle, bubble shooter, bubble sort, color roll 3D, drag n merge, fit and squeeze, hole.io, mario kart, match 3D, nonogram.com, paint the cube, roof rails, solitare, spit, stacky dash, stair run, timber run...

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

After my moms fiance died, I had a dream that he was able to come see my fifth grade play (he died just before it happened) and when we were walking out he got into the white car from fast and furious (we watched the movies together) and said he would see me again soon, then he drove off...like talk about weird 

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

rootbeer 

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

i like a good clicking sound 

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

sweats everyday all day 

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

like a fucking wreck 

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

netflix 

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

i want a bunch of little symbols, and i think it would be cute if i got a T for my mom, but i can’t tell her that because she might think i’m going soft and exploit my show of affection (jfc why am i like this lmao)

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

colleen ballinger 

[drlauralwalsh]

Top 7 Recent Obsessions and 3 Freshly Intolerable Topics

Since my wife died in February, I’ve transformed into an obsessive recluse.  I’ve always been a weirdo but now I’m a grieving weirdo.  It takes eccentricity to a whole other level.  Before, my obsessions were psychology and home improvement projects.  Now, work is impossible and I break down trying to choose flowers at the local Home Depot.  Removing every last dandelion from the yard is my glorious new passion.

Since I trust you, I’m going to tell you about some of the other strange occupiers of my mind.  Like squatters, these topics have moved into my brain to fill up the unused rooms.  I vacillate between kicking them out and kinda liking the company.  Until new obsessions come along, I’ll play reluctant host to this ragtag collection of ideas.  

1. Life After Life

It’s natural to wonder what happens to someone after they die.  I’ve been doing some light reading (usually at around 3AM) on what psychic mediums think on the subject.  Apparently, we continue life on the other side, often recreating the likeness of our earthly homes and possessions out of familiarity.  In my wife’s afterlife, I hope she made some improvements.  She’s likely finally found the perfect couch (comfy yet stylish!) and is no longer taunted by the daily dog hair tumbleweeds.

I have a few questions.  Does my wife get to meet celebrities? She’d be totally psyched to meet Dolores O’Riordan, the lead singer of The Cranberries, who died in January of 2018.  Did she get to watch the last season of Homeland that aired after she died?  Can she still water a lawn in contemplative meditation?  Most likely, she’s cavorting with her first girlfriend, Suzy.  I’m told Suzy was a little crazy in her earth life so I hope she’s not a bad influence.

If I end up living a few more decades, I’ll probably grow and change substantially.  Will Patty recognize me when I finally make the trip? Will she and I still be soulmates or will I have to share her?  Like, did Suzy claim my wife as her soulmate?  I don’t wish anyone loneliness in the after life but dang, I’ve got dibs.

2. Cookie Butter Therapy

If you’ve read my self care tips, you know I’ve found cookie butter solace.  Listening to my body’s unique nutrient requirements, I heed the call for that smooth comfort.  As a psychologist, it used to bug me when I’d see memes like, “I don’t need therapy, I’ve got wine!”  Occasionally speaking aloud, I’d reply, “Hello future client!”

Now, I’m not so sure that retail, alcohol or food therapy is all that bad.  I mean, it IS bad in that it doesn’t solve the problem and could turn into something worse.  But if keeping your head above water saves your life, perhaps I should reconsider these stopgap measures.  Personally, I’m planning a future half marathon to combat the future cookie butter problem.  And by planning, I mean it’s on my list to look up neighborhood jogging routes.

3. Signs from Beyond the Veil

After my Dad died in 2002, I looked for evidence that his energy was still around.  Losing a spouse takes it to a completely new desperation.  Again, according to psychic mediums, we can ask our departed loved ones for specific signs and they will try to send them to us.  Oh the pressure!  Being an overachiever, of course I wanted to come up with the perfect sign to request from my wife.  One that hits just the right balance of inside joke and everlasting love.

To get the ball rolling, I picked the first thing that came to mind.  I asked my wife to send me a maroon Nissan Rogue SUV.  Weird, I know - but also the perfect symbol of our family.  I’m not that great at these requests just yet so I hope she knows I’m asking to see one, not get one as a gift.  Years ago, she borrowed my maroon Nissan for a road trip with two little boys who would become my step kids.  Having not yet met, questions about the car’s owner became a convenient way to talk about Mama’s new sweetheart.  

I started seeing this car EVERYWHERE.  There’s this one little problem, though.  Have you ever heard of confirmation bias?  Psychology Today says, “Confirmation bias occurs from the direct influence of desire on beliefs. “  Basically, I started seeing the car because I wanted the sign from her.  The overly enthusiastic part of my brain said, “Yeah, but wouldn’t she also FLOOD the world with whatever sign you requested????”  Next time, I’ll ask for money.

4. Meditation

After all the grief festivities were done (i.e. initial horror and subsequent wake and funeral), one of my besties recommended the book, Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander.  The author is a smarty-pants neurosurgeon who had a near death experience.  He woke up out of a coma, wrote everything down, and set about trying to disprove the platitudes he once touted to patients.  Anyway, a fascinating book and GREAT for the active griever in your life.

Veering from his conventional colleagues, Dr. Alexander’s career diverged towards the path less taken.  He’s now involved in projects with the founders of Sacred Acoustics, a brainwave entrainment audio recordings company.  That’s a fancy way of saying guided meditations with binaural beats that create experiences.  There’s one that facilitates “communication with spirits across the veil.” Since I’m obsessed with getting back with my wife without leaving my kids and dogs, I became a convert. 

Before Patty died (AKA BPD), I was known to dabble in mindfulness and may have claimed I meditated for longer and more often than I actually remembered to do.  Don’t judge me, I was a busy mom!  With a renewed desperation and time on my hands, I gave these wacky meditations a go.  OMG, y’all they are amazing.  I dare say I’ve done a little cavorting with my wife (at least in my mind).  Seriously, between ADHD and grief brain, I can still knock out a 38 minute ‘Love Body’ meditation, no sweat.  In the least, it’s a crutch over the rough spots.

5. Crafty Crystal Suncatchers

I haven’t gone off the deep end (yet) and meditated while balancing my chakras (okay, maybe once) with family heirlooms.  If you read more than one book about the afterlife, you’ll pick up on themes.  Psychics love auras, butterflies, and RAINBOWS.  Since I’ve got time, I figured it wasn’t hard to put together my own suncatcher.  You can certainly purchase these dandies but I prefer my own extremely amateur creations - especially since I need one for every window.  Not sure what to do with these colorful messages from beyond but they are a comfort of sorts.

You may have gathered that I wasn’t previously into the paranormal.  For instance, I knew that smudging was a thing but now, thanks to Etsy, I have my own kit.  Same with healing crystals.  As a child from a family of geologists, semi-precious gems, variegated rocks and hefty quartz crystals already held a special awe.  I must note that my grandfather never mentioned crystal suncatchers as a method for communicating with the dead.  It’s all me who’s hoping for yet another channel where, through refracted sunlight, my wife asserts her presence.

6. Documentaries About Death

It’s a widow habit to categorize life events as ‘before’ and ‘after,’  We use these terms with a wistful air of melancholy apology.  We didn’t create these terms but they’re used as handy shortcuts before launching into yet another story about our dead spouses.  This next tidbit is about me, though.

I love documentaries but before, I’d skip over the downers.  Who wants to watch a flick about eroding habitats when your lawn looks so good?  Times change and now after, I’ve completely confused Amazon’s algorithms with my new entertainment searches.  I find comfort in tragedy.

I recently watched The Bridge, a documentary on the world’s most dangerous suicide locale - the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.  Since it was built, upwards of 1,700 souls have leapt to their nearly assured demise.  The doc profiles the families of people actually caught on film at the moment of decision.  Should sound awful, right?  To me, it’s soothing.  Not the suicides, but hearing the family process the death.  They’re in the soup with me.  Their stories make me feel normal.

7. Unique Grave Decorations

I’m only sharing this with you because I know you’ll understand.  I threw this one in the mix because I had a brief, but intense love affair with unusual grave decorations.   Did you know you can get “grave blankets” to keep your loved one warm?  Obviously more popular in northern climes, they're actually giant wreaths of evergreen branches to cover the gravesite.  Sadly, they aren’t allowed in my wife's cemetery or I’d be all over it.  She was always cold…..before.

Switching gears, turning towards the following topics is a sort of exposure therapy.  They each flutter at the windows of my mind and blot out the light (which I need for rainbows).  I might as well add them to the growing list of crap I have to deal with eventually.  Just so you know, I’m not weird enough to literally keep a list (yet).

1. Birthdays, Holidays, and Other Horrible Occasions

I know they’re coming.  I limped through some already.  May holds the double whammy of Mother’s Day and my birthday.  Despite the embarrassing lack of evergreen splendor, we’ll visit her gravesite where I’ve already smuggled in other decorative contraband.  Since I buy presents for myself all the time, for my birthday, I generally request a tasteful yet classic homemade card.  I’ll get through the anticipatory dread and trudge through the sewage of my lowered expectations.  It’s only another 24 hours to get through.

2. Getting Married Again

I can’t even think about what’s next.  Or rather who.  When I do think about it, I feel sorry for the sad sap who’s attracted to the runner up spot. Here’s the thing, I think about getting married again ALL THE TIME.  My fantasy only went as far as imagining waking up in a fully formed relationship.  Because I loved being married to my wife, it seemed reasonable to want our life reinstated.  As the days turn into months, finding someone new continues to stubbornly insert itself from outside my head.  I blame Patty.  She always insisted if she died first, she’d want me to remarry.  Less charitably, I countered that if I died first, she could never remarry because I’m her one true love.  She apparently wants the last word.

To be fair, I am only 45 years old.  When my stepson asked, I told him I was going to marry the dogs.  He just doesn’t want me to change my last name, so on that we’re cool.  Like passing me a note, Patty’s best friend from high school also delicately floated the idea.  Even my brother-in-law said he wouldn’t want me to pass up something special.  They all want me to be happy.  I don’t want to want to get married again.  It feels like forcing myself into a loveless, arranged marriage.  With my luck, I’ll live another forty years.  Maybe I’ll feel differently if my wife sends me a convincing sign.  

3. The Next Death

The completely self absorbed grieving person I’ve become can’t even think about the next shitburger tragedy that’s surely on its way..  You’d think I’d have a guess who it might be but you’re wrong.  I never would have put my wife on the shortlist but here we are.  With new obsessions hoarding space in my grieving mind, it’s too crowded to handle another disaster.  So I just don’t think about it.

If you’re grieving too, I want you to know you’re not a weirdo.  Or at least you’re a weirdo like all of us - another broken toy tossed onto Bereavement Island (like Fantasy Island but more sad).  I was never particularly interested in psychics, grave ornaments or dead people (beyond famous authors).  Grief turns you inside out until you no longer recognize the person you were before.  It wasn’t so easy to tip me over and I certainly didn’t cry in public.  Falling into grief is similar to falling in love.  With both, I lost my appetite, deeply felt things I’d never felt before, and became completely obsessed.  In the end, grief is just another stage of love.  An unfortunate byproduct of the grandest home improvement project.  I’m comforted to realize that even as I’m swept up by transient passions, I’m essentially the same loving partner at my core.

[xanthicantag]

alright bro im gonna do all the ask so. U Know You're Doin Em Too

Hot read more since there’s so maaaaaany

1. if you were to have Hanahaki disease, what flowers would you cough up?

I feel like this is entirely based on who i’m feeling the one sided love for? (I googled  Hanahaki disease and i’m all about that shit no doubt there)  But like, maybe daffodils? 

2. if someone were to catch Hanahaki disease for you, what flowers would they cough up?

Uh Roses motherfucker, you’re welcome

3. if you were any historic trope, what would you be? (i.e., the knight, the town baker, the witch of the forest, etd.)

Ok so like on the one hand I love lances, so fucking much, so I’m like big into Knights for that and like protecting people (and/or a beautiful prince cause like, you know), but I also really love the idea of just being like, a traveling fighter of some kind, leading a troupe of loveable idiots or being in a troupe as a loveable idiot.  I want to be Iron Bull is what I’m trying to say I guess????? or like, Krem? who knows

4. tell us about your ideal battle outfit.

Ok so I’m torn again.  Cause protection and ease of movement are super important, so like a breastplate and some kind of back protection, maybe a shield?  or maybe a sick gauntlet arm like Ike from Fire Emblem cause he knows what’s up, and then some minor leg armor to keep the front of my thighs and calves safe and like a shield since those fuck am I right??  On the other hand: If you look like a Thot, the enemy is distracted and an easy target.  I’m talking chainmail crop top, plate armor booty shorts, stupid looking heel shoes(?) for maximum thot energy, and of course a whip, either that i use or just have for the thot energy.

5. what would you be a god/goddess of and what would people sacrifice to you?

I think like, a minor deity that helps people make small to mediumish choices (i.e. talk the left or right path, call or don’t call this person), and then like, a cute little charm that people just kinda crush or burn before asking about the choice feels good, feels organic.

6. name five iconic quotes that make you feel things.

Now, I don’t know a lot of quote to be honest, but here’s some paraphrased stuff:

“Now that larping exists dnd is like, not the least cool thing to do”- Travis McElroy

“Yeah I have a pickle allergy, what about it *Pickle eating sounds*” -Me, often

“I fucked your dad” -Me during a quiplash game?  And often yeah I’ll admit this

I don’t remember what’s said, but the scene in the Count of Monte Cristo where he just shows off all his sick skills to be like “Yeah I’ll murder the fuck out of your homeboy if he tries to step up to me”.

“All Magicians are inherently inclined to kill” -That unraveled about Megaman robots who get sentience

7. scythe, battle axe, broad sword, spear or trident?

Ok so like, Scythe for formal occasions/when I want to just look good cause I think their a sexy as hell weapon, at me if you want to be I know I’m right.  Battle Axes are cool and like, really useful during a siege since you can easily bust stuff down with it and it lets you cut spears in half so you look dope as hell, like, Hector of Ostia if you’re out there, yes you’re correct.   Broad Swords are like, just in general really good, you can use it in a duel, a battle, a coronation, magic rituals if you’re really feeling fancy, the list is just endless, a real classic all purpose weapon.  Spears are for fucking losers, fuck you if you use a spear sword fight me like a fucking real fighter or get out of here none of this reach bullshit.  Tridents are like spears but just, inherently sexier?  You know?  Like 1 point is stupid and boring, but 3?  that’s some good shit.  But really fuck all these weapons whips are lances are where it’s at yes feel free to at me again.

8. what combination of natural scents would you use as perfume?

Now this i have like, actually no idea for, but like, just tons of flowers.  I just take like a fistful of flowers and rub them on my face.  

9. ancient scrolls or leather-bound books?

Oh you know I’m about that leather-bound book life!  Fuck A scroll, that is just a piece of paper that is going to tear and be illegible in like 5 years.  A nice bound book though?  *Chefs kiss*

10. describe yourself as if you were a storm.

A summer rain.  It comes in quickly and is gone by the turn of the hour.  A brief respite during the dry season, and gone before it can become a disaster. 

11. what type of flower (other than a rose) would you offer someone you were trying to court?

First of all op, get the fuck off my back Roses or nothing.  Secondly a big sunflower.

12. honey in milk or cinnamon in tea?

Um, neither??????????????????

13. cabin in the woods, apartment in the city or mansion in the suburbs?

Honestly an apartment in the city would be nice but like, living in the woods is the prime chance to be a local mystery.

14. curtains of beads or lace?

Probably lace?  Do beads block light?

15. vocal or instrumental music?

I am a big fan of instrumental

16. describe your ideal fantasy outfit

Step one, big cape, it doesn’t touch the ground while on my shoulders but goes about mid calf.  Step two, leather armor, it’s light and easy to move in, and provides good protection.  Step three, Mask, nothing like flashy, just a plain black mask, preferably a full mask if i’ve got some magic to see with not my eyes, other wise like a typical masquerade mask

17. of all the fantasy races to ever exist, which one would you be?

Fuck.  This is so hard.  I want to be, so many.  No you know what, fuck it.  I wanna be a Dragonborn Tiefling hybrid, I’m talking cool horns, I’m talking sweet tail, you already know I can spit literal fire out of my face.  Fucking try and get at me I dare you.

18. hard candy, fruit preserves or spice cake?

I love hard candy to just suck on, but my teeth do not.

19. show us an a picture of your ideal crown.

if you don’t think this crown fucks, get out of my face

20. tying your hair up using ribbon, yay or nay?

I’ve had my hair long enough for that like once, and I don’t really like tying my hair up tbh

21. an evening in the forest with elves, a night in the caves with vampires or a morning in the garden with fae?

Um.  Bold of you to say I’m not hitting up all these parties???  Like def vampires first since the elven party is advertised to go for like 5 hours, but we all know it goes on for like 4 months and I can’t party that long as a mortal you know.  And like you hit the fae up last since you literally are gonna be stuck there the rest of your life after one (1) round of truth or dare

22. tell us, in detail, about a curse a witch would put on you.

Like, in all honesty the biggest thing a witch could do to me via curse would just be to make my right arm like full unusable.  Not gone or broken.  Just like, it’s slow, I can’t always get it to fully hold onto something so it drops everything, there’s always a small feeling of discomfort, not pain just a minor annoyance, in the knuckles of the hand.

23. talking with sylphs or singing with nymphs?

I get kicked out of the nymph singing area after four seconds of

24. mint, rosemary, basil or sage?

I fucking go wild for the smell of basil don’t even try me

25. favorite childhood story? (doesn’t have to be a fairy tale)

I remembered Inkheart recently and like, I honestly really liked that book

26. tell us about an experience you’ve had that seemed unreal or supernatural. (doesn’t have to be scary)

Sophomore year of college, I realized that all the people around me were people I actually enjoyed spending time with, and it just felt so weird to be there after all the just nonsense that had happened up till then

27. would you rather have poison or healing ointment in your traveling pack?

healing duh?  You think I’d ever remember i have the poison one? nope not me!

28. tell us three sayings that you live by.

Try and be a little nicer, unless they really don’t deserve it.  Walk away sometimes.  Eat food and don’t think about it.

29. vials or mason jars?

Oh get me those vials baby!

30. describe your ideal masquerade ball outfit (mask included).

OH HELL YES.  Get me that suit, it’s a sweet dark red with rose colored vest underneath, the jacket and pants have flower vines on them that 100% connect to a big ass rose on the back of the jacket.  The mask is more or less this guy:

31. splashing around in a river with mermaids or flying through the sky with harpies?

I can literally swim any day so let’s fly

32. what would you end up in the dungeon for?

Ok i didn’t understand this one at first so I’m keeping my initial reply below and the real one is: You know I beat some like high ranking knight or minor noble in a duel to humiliate them and no i didn’t think it through so here i am lol.

3 things: A talking magic weapon (Probably a sword but i’m down for other options).  A certain someone is going in and I’m not letting him go in without someone to keep him safe.  There’s dragon eggs that work like the Eragon dragon eggs and I am already waist deep in dead enemies getting one of those babies.

33. if you were a fairy, what color would your wings be?

Take a wild fucking guess

34. if you could have any magical item, what would it be?

God this is so hard, but I think a magic flower that when you pluck one if its petals you can undo a recent event, up to like ten minutes or so.

35. what song would the bards sing about you when you passed by?

I’ll say the Death of Me by Meg Myers

36. would you rather be a pirate or a king/queen?

God that’s hard,  Like yeah pirates are cool but i’d love to be royalty and just get to do good shit for the people and also not have scurvy.

37. would you spend more time in the field of flowers, the tavern, the docks or the marketplace?

Hmmm, I think the Tavern as like the number 1, and then a tie for docks and field, and the marketplace in last since i hate crowded areas i need to buy things in

38. would you have a painting of yourself?

Only if I ever ride a dragon and then have a painting to immortalize the moment, and only if the dragon helps me paint it

39. what skill are you famous for?

I mean, people know I sword fight, fight fight, and program, so like, those?  and I guess my sick dnd skills

40. if you could live any fairy tale, which one would you?

Fuck if I can think of one!

41. stained glass windows or fairy lights?

Ok Stained glass windows literally slap so like, you already know

[jkl-fff]

JKL I cannot stress this enough. ANSWER ALL OF THEM.

Heh. Why pick when you can just request all of them, right?Here we go, then (and thanks for the asks!)

Slightly Invasive Gay Asks

1. What’s your gender?

Hmm … Since I find the idea ofconceptual genders rather poetic (not recognized terms, but abstractdescriptions), I’ll give one of those: quirky and enthusiasticlanguage-literature-writing teacher who unironically uses a lot of Uncle Irohgifs and giggles like Scooby-Doo when someone make a particularly potent pun. Also, I’m a cis man with inclinations more towards non-toxic masculinity.

2. What are your pronouns?

He/His Grace, preferably, thoughI’ve no problem with people using Him or They/Them, I suppose.

3. Is your family accepting?

I’m fortunate enough to say theyare. Mom’s still worried about my spiritual and emotional well-being—about mefinding happiness, and worrying it might not happen like this—but that’s justwhat moms do.

4. What do you wish you could tell your past self?

Righteousness and Wickedness aresocial constructs propagated and perpetuated by authority figures to maintainan ideology which benefits them. So is “God the Father” (and Jesus Christ andthe Holy Ghost) as you conceive of them, or as anyone else ever conceives ofthem. You are *free* to do *whatever you want* so long as it doesn’t infringeon the freedom of others.

This means, boyo, that being gay isn’t a sin.Which is good, because you are gayer than a fruit bat. Just embrace it already,and you’ll be a lot more at peace with yourself and the universe.

5. What is your sexuality?

Hella gay,my dudes. Hella gay.If I wanted to expand further,I’d add placiosexual (I get off on pleasuring other people more than being pleasured).

6. Favorite color?

A deep and rich purple, like Tyrianor Imperial purple. Though I am increasingly fond of light pinks. And black is always in season.It’s funny, but as a kid I’d always say dark blue because I didn’t want peopleto think I was gay. Naturally, purple was the gay color, while blue was a safe“boy’s color” … for reasons … Isn’t heteronormativity absolutely silly?

7. Sun Gay or Moon Gay?

Moon, I guess? The sun is sogarishly bright. Even harshly so. But the moon is tastefully understated—just reallyelegant, y’know?—and also gentle and cyclical.

8. When did you find out your sexuality?

This is a rather difficult questionto tackle thanks to the cognitive dissonance imposed by heteronormativity … 

Onsome level, I *had* to have known since I started masturbating regularly (atage 13 or 14), because I only ever fantasized about other boys and guys. And I *was*aware of this on some level. However, the very idea of being gay was soinconceivable for a mormon boy (and socially stigmatized thanks to thepejorative use of the word “gay” to mean basically “stupid” from elementarythrough high school), that I refused to recognize it for years. Like, I was soinvested in being a good, mormon boy that I truly fully planned to follow themormon track of serving a religious mission for 2 years, marrying a woman inthe temple (big thing for mormons, that temple marriage), and probablyeventually having a kid or two (though I’ve never actually wanted to havechildren).

Ergo, it wasn’t until I was 19 and on a mission in France, working and livingnonstop with other guys (most of whom were quite good-looking AND had notrouble lounging around in their underwear when we were at home), that I couldno longer lie to myself. That was when I consciously recognized and consciouslybegan to struggle against “the burden of Same Sex Attraction” (as mormons insiston calling it) through “the power of faith” in Ja-eeee-sus Chrys’theLORD.

You can extrapolate from the present-day contents of my blog (and the abovesarcasm) how successful that was. Honestly, I’m rather surprised thepsychological distress such internalized and slow-toxic homophobia caused neverdrove me to take a leap of faith off a building at some point between ages 20and 25.

But those dark days were over when, at 25, I fell in love for the first time,and decided that there wasn’t much sense in being miserable, self-loathing, andlonely anymore. That’s when I started the process of coming out.

So … take your pick, I guess: it’s 13, 19, or 25.

9. How was your day?

Apart from sleep deprivationweighing me down (which is my own fault, as I stayed up late writing, then hadto get up early to lesson plan), it was grand! Went to work in the afternoonand got a good workout there moving freight, then went to teach my French classin the evening and had a ball while doing it!

10. Do you have any gay friends?

Bitch, at this point, I’m wonderingif I have any *straight* friends.Seriously, though, I do have some straight friends. But my closest friends areall openly queer in one way or another.

11. What’s your favorite hobby?

Taekwon-Doand writing.

12. Who’s the best gay icon in your opinion?

Garnet, anthropomorphicrepresentation of a now-married, WLW couple WHO KICKS ALL OF THE ASS BECAUSESHE IS MADE OF LOVE A N D  I T  I S S T R O N G E R   T H A N  Y O U,  J A S P E R!

13. Which Pride flags do you like the most design/colorwise?

Hard not to love the classic Gay Priderainbow, since it accessorizes with everything, though I prefer one thatexplicitly makes sure to include PoC, such as this one:

(Does anyone know who made this one?I saved a copy when I first saw it, because it’s fantabulous,but have never seen the post for it again.)

For the colors, the Bi and theTrans flags are quite lovely combinations, too.

14. Are you openly out?

You tellme:

Yeah, I wear this everyday becauseI got tired of people even contemplating the possibility that I might bestraight.

15. Are you comfortable with yourself?

More-or-less, and I think more thanless as time goes on. There are still bad days, but … once I understood thatbeing kind to people *also* means being kind to *myself*, it became a loteasier to become comfortable with myself. AND also easier to actually recognizeand work constructively on the parts of me I wished to improve.

16. Bottom or Top?

As a matter of principle, I striveto at least *be willing* to be verse—strive to never ask for anything I’m notwilling to give back, but … I definitely prefer to take charge and Top (evenwhen, or especially when, still giving manual or oral pleasure).Who knows, though? Maybe I just haven’t been topped right.

17. Femme or Butch?

Bold of you to assume I have aconsistent style.Seriously, though, im be Butch, I guess? I don’t really seek to present in afeminine way, so by default that make me Butch … Right? I dunno.

18. Do you bind?

Only myroot foot to strengthen it against a lingering ankle injury when I go to work.

19. Do you shave?

Only when I have to tidy up mybeard. No one shall see all of my face EVER AGAIN!

20. If you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be?

Right now, it’d be a coworker ofmine named Justin. He’s just … such an adorkable nerd with a really upbeatpersonality, and I find him very cute. And physically attractive, too. Like,damn, have you *seen* his assets? (obviously you haven’t, but trust me, they’requite pleasing assthetically)Unfortunately, he’s already married to another guy, who I hope knows he’sdamned lucky.

21. Do you have a partner (s)?

Alas, I donot. I’ve been somewhat unlucky in love.

22. Describe your partner (s)?

Hidden from me—hidden somewhere outthere, hopefully searching for me as I search for him … hopefully soon to crossmy path …

23. Have you ever dated anyone of the same sex?

I thinkabout 10 different guys. Obviously, none of them worked out.Some of them might have, but Iwasn’t ready at the time, and now it’s too late …  Oh well. Life goes on.

24. Anyone of another sex?

Technically, I suppose I’ve been ontwo dates with women. For the first (a double date) we were theoretically goingto a high school dance … but none of us were really into that when we gotthere, so instead we just drove around in her truck and made her stuffedpenguin heckle other drivers. The second was a few years later, and we went to a young, single adults gameevening after having dinner with her family. Annnnnd … that’s it.

25. Pastel Gay or Goth Gay?

I ain’tgoth, that’s for sure. But I’m not sure I’m pastel, either …

26. Favorite dad in Dream Daddies?

While I’ve never played the game,the most physically attractive one to me is the redheaded bear. Mostly becauseanyone else who might be physically attractive to me ruins the effect with amustache (THEY HAVEN’T BEEN STYLISH SINCE THE 70s, AND EVEN THEN THEY LOOKEDSTUPID!) or by being unrealistically sculpted (and I am *not* into that; I likemy men to look like they actually exist in the real world).

27. Tell me a random fact about yourself.

I have, like, over 20 neckties leftover from my mission days. I hardly ever use them anymore because I loathedressing up … but I have used them for some fun with other guys, and hope I getto do so again, soon.

28. Do you own any Pride flags/merch?

Just the rainbow bracelets picturedabove … and also a pair of rainbow socks, though those were actually procuredfor (not by) me … so I could officiate a *straight* couple’s marriage,ironically.

29. Have you ever been to a Pride Parade?

I’ve been to three. The first twowere … alright, I guess. Like, it was exciting to go to something so openlyqueer—so loud and proud—the first time (even if I had to hurry home for churchstuff for my little brother’s mission homecoming … let me tell you, that was a dayof extremes). And fun to go with my then boyfriend for the second.But … I dunno … There was a big crowd, and a lot of noise and heat (what withit being the middle of June). Introverted ol’ me wanted to go home—or at leastsomeplace quiet an cool—after about an hour, because the novelty had worn offby then.

The third, however …I was visiting my aunt in Washington D.C. That Sunday morning, we were walking tosome of the Smithsonian museums when we just happened, entirely by accident, tocross paths with the advancing Pride Parade. So we stopped and watched it for,like, half an hour … I suppose it was more of a March than a Parade,technically, which might be why it resonated with me more than the other twohad. But all the same …Here’s more on that event: http://jkl-fff.tumblr.com/post/161753611614/dc-pride

30. Any advice to someone who isn’t out, or who is exploringthemselves?

Two things: Go with what feels right for you. Your labels might or might not change, butyour understanding of what they mean for you definitely will develop and deepenover time (this is part of what “gender is fluid” means; it isn’t fixed and unchangeable,because *your identity* is neither fixed nor unchangeable). Be truthful enough withyourself to let it happen. Because in the end, the only wrong answer … is adishonest one.

Also, learn as much sympathy, empathy, compassion, and compersion as you canfrom your negative experiences. Like, it is inevitable that you will suffer inlife, so learn how to be aware of and kind towards the suffering of others.Exclusionists absolutely disgust me, because after suffering discrimination andoppression … they decide to put others through the same kind of needless pain.Gods above, life is hard enough as it is, so don’t go out of your way to makeit harder for others. Let your negative experiences motivate you to make sureno one else has to go through such bullshit ever again.

Thanks again! These were a lot of fun!

[bongaboi]

Tulane: 2022 American Football Champions

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — As Tulane receiver Shae Wyatt watched jubilant fans streaming onto the field, he couldn’t help but reflect upon how far his team had come since finishing last season 2-10.

“It’s definitely surreal,” said Wyatt, whose two touchdown catches were no small part of why a celebratory scene so hard to conceive of a year ago was unfolding around him. “Seeing all the other schools with their success, and having their fans storm the field — eventually, everybody wants that.”

Michael Pratt accounted for 442 total yards and five touchdowns, Tyjae Spears highlighted his 199 yards rushing with a 60-yard score and No. 18 Tulane beat No. 22 UCF 45-28 on Saturday night in the American Athletic Conference championship game.

The victory virtually assured Tulane (11-2) would play in the Cotton Bowl — its first major New Year’s Day bowl since the 1939 season.

A full hour after the game, Tulane players were still in uniform, walking back to the field from the locker room to pose for photos with teammates, some with cigars in hand. Spears joked that his elbow was sore from fans pulling on him for a congratulatory embrace.

“It was an amazing feeling, man,” Spears said. “That’s something that will stick with us for the rest of our life.”

And Wyatt suggested that Tulane’s remarkable turnaround should serve as a lesson. “They were just throwing dirt over us and for a while it was hard to bounce back,” Wyatt said of last season, during which Tulane was displaced by Hurricane Ida to a Birmingham hotel for a month, and plagued with injuries to prominent players.

“If you keep your faith and you believe in your brothers that are next to you, flowers will grow. I promise you,” Wyatt said. “I hope this is a testament to anybody out there.”

Pratt passed for a career-high 394 yards, including touchdowns of 73 yards to Duece Watts, 60 and 10 yards to Wyatt and 43 yards to Lawrence Keys. Pratt also ran for a pivotal 18-yard touchdown with 4:04 left.

“It was awesome to close out that game and have those fans so fired up,” said Pratt, named the game’s most outstanding player.

Spears electrified the record crowd of 30,118 at Tulane’s cozy, on-campus Yulman Stadium with his long scoring run, on which he broke two tackles near the line of scrimmage, made two other defenders miss and hurndled his own fallen teammate after cutting back inside.

The Green Wave, which earned the right to host the title game by ending Cincinnati’s 32-game home winning streak last weekend, avenged a 38-31 regular-season loss to UCF (9-4) on the same field on Nov. 12.

But UCF was not quite the same team because of QB John Rhys Plumlee’s nagging hamstring injury, which appeared to rob him of the explosiveness he displayed by running for 176 yards in the previous meeting.

Plumlee struggled enough early on that coach Gus Malzahn pulled him in the second quarter in favor of Thomas Castellanos. But with Tulane up 24-7 in the middle of the third quarter, Malzahn put Plumlee back in as primarily a passer — and he nearly led the Kights all the way back.

“He’s one of the toughest players I think I’ve ever coached,” Malzahn said. “John Rhys just kept telling me, ‘Coach, give me another chance.’ … He really gave us a spark.”

Plumlee led UCF quickly for a touchdown to make it 24-14, converting a fourth-and-10 pass along the way and capping the drive with a 17-yarder to Kobe Hudson.

“You work all year to play in a game like this,” said Plumlee, who completed 29 of 39 for 209 yards and one TD, but finished with minus-7 yards rushing as Tulane had six sacks. “I didn’t want to sell myself short or sell this team short.”

Tulane responded when both UCF safeties froze on a play-fake to Spears and Pratt found Watts running free behind the defense.

UCF cut it to 31-21 when former Virginia QB RJ Harvey took a backward pass from Plumlee and launched a 49-yard TD pass to Hudson.

And the Knights got the ball right back when Spears fumbled after a catch on the Green Wave 30. Isaiah Bowser’s 10-yard run shortly after got UCF as close as 31-28 with 9:48 still left.

But Pratt again found a way to lead the Wave down the field, connecting with Wyatt for the longer of the receiver’s two TDs, and UCF didn’t threaten again.

It was a dream end to week that got off to a less-than-ideal start with reports out of Atlaata that head coach Willie Fritz being pursued by Georgia Tech.

“Well, I sure am glad I stayed,” Fritz said. “I made a commitment to these kids and the last thing I ever wanted to be was a distraction. So, I’m just proud to be here.”