#this animal and responsible about keeping them. it is far more likely that any pet fox you see on social media is not in fact

[gaydogmarriage]

tighnari fans stop posting pictures of neglected/irresponsibly kept exotic pets because they remind you of your blorbo challenge

[mono-dot-jpeg]

boy failures for u - i. yoichi, s. nagi, s. ryusei, b. meguru

summary; in which some boys just love you so much, they simply can't function

genre/extra tags; scenarios, fluff, comedy, projecting my love for dog energy boys, they're so pathetic /pos, bachira is clumsy, ryusei is an embarrassingly horny dude (can confirm, he gets no bitches, absolutely ZERO play!!), nagi... is perfect as he is, yoichi,,,, is just socially awkward around people he has a crush on

[gender neutral reader]

a/n; look at me being fancy this one panel banner, slay. tbh i couldn't think of a good three photos to use for it so i tried this which is kind of nice. anyways i had a sudden thought hit me and it must be done. and what better anime to write for than the one where everyone has unexplainable gay tension between each other. i swear im as caught up as possible i think and i swear the gay tension is like,, crazy.

isagi yoichi is endearing. he's so bad at being normal around you. his face flushed a cute red, and his words barely managing to leave his mouth as you talk to him so sweetly. he doesn't know how to handle a crush. and it's so cute to tease him because he just doesn't know how to respond properly.

the times where he does manage to gain enough confidence to talk a conversation with you, he's never taking the lead in any of them. he's talking [somewhat] normally to you, answering your questions and [attempting] to reply to your thoughts and responses. of course, just don't flirt with him too hard. there's like a 50 percent chance he will understand it or not.

he can't even admire you correctly. when he attempts to give you a compliment, he's saying all the wrong words and apologizing profusely like he offended your entire bloodline. he's so utterly enchanted by you, he wonders if you're an angel sent just for him.

"you're so nice, y/n." "huh?" "i-i mean you're really cute! wait- i didn't mean that! fuck- not that i don't think you look cute! you're really a great person, you know?! sorry! i'm just gonna go back to practice...!"

nagi seishiro is so lazy that you can't help but watch over him. you understand why reo adores him (a little too much). he's a boy with pretty privilege and talent. he talks to you with such honesty that he unintentionally flirts with you. he doesn't know a lot of things well, but even he's had his fair share with understanding liking people (but that's only with the random dating sims he's tried).

when he manages to get on his feet, whether it's for a soccer match or you, he's stuck by you like a cute koala. he whines about everything being "too much of a hassle." but he finds himself walking around looking for you, no matter how far you are. he whines to you about how he had to get up to find you, and he's cuddling close to you. his mouth turned into his signature X shape as he pouts at you, annoyed that you just had to be away from him for more than a minute.

he tries so hard to be around you but at the cost of his laziness, he mutters to you about how much easier it would be if you just stay with him all the time like his purple-haired companion or his cactus pet. he fell for you first, but he makes it so easy for you to fall harder.

"why do you always have to do stuff?" "it's my job, sei." "you should just stay with me all the time. you take care of me so well."

shidou ryuusei is annoyingly desperate for you. if isagi was endearing, shidou was insolent. he speaks before he thinks. he has no shame in chasing after you. it's quite a feat that you haven't even shooed him away as much as sae has. you sort of find a friend in sae because of that. he always rolls his eyes when you mention him. he wonders why you keep being around the blonde jock, and you tell him, "who doesn't love a pathetic man?"

when he talks to you, he just can't read a room with you in it. he's the type of guy to say "this shot is for you." and it hits the goal post and then to his face. of course he'd never actually miss in a real match but i can guarantee that it would happen during a practice match. he unintentionally humiliates himself every time he tries to be cool. if sae is there, it's even worse. he's trying to bump up the flirting up to a 200 and failing miserably to woo either of you.

he's like those tweets where it's like, "how did i pull them? easy. i just went, PLEASEPLEAPLSEPWPLEAPLELA-". without fail, he basically tries to re-enact that but he doesn't even pull you because you'd much rather wait for him to actually be a decent man and grow the rest of his brain. though it doesn't seem he'll learn his lesson anytime soon.

"did i ever tell you how hot you look right now?" "yes. you have. multiple times. today." "please go out with me." "no."

bachira meguru is confusing. he's clingy, blunt, teasing, a little stupid but has the spirit, and an absolute cutie. he's passionate about what he likes. and surprise, surprise, he likes you. he's an infodumper but you don't mind at all. but sometimes those talks take a hard left into just telling you how much he likes you. you better hope you're strong because he will be jumping on you for a hug.

when he's just buzzing with excitement, he can't help but scramble by your side to cling onto you in any way that you will allow him to. he's not as boy failure as the others on this list because even when he fails to capture your heart, he's still succeeding in his book. he loves when you give him any sliver of attention. that's probably his thing as a boy failure. he is a hyper and needy dog who's too big to cuddle with but doesn't care. and you can't say no because then they just stare at you with those big eyes until you cave.

he's the type of guy to be confused when people ask if you're dating him and you say no. "what do you mean we're not dating? i thought this was the dating." he's never actually confessed, but he considers his "s-tier affection" to be confession enough. but he's kind of coward whether he realizes it or not. he's scared to actually say that he wants to be yours, but that's like an angsty story for another time, SO SHUT.

"what if we kissed? like right now?" "but we're not dating, meguru." "we're not? we should." "i'll think about it." "no think! just do!"

[atleastpleasetelephone]

I know you’re in the middle of Kinktober (and crushing it btw!!!) so I’m sure you won’t be taking requests for a while, but leaving this in your inbox because I cant stop thinking about it. Humbly requesting wholesome cockwarming with BDE 🙏🏼

A/N: Thank you very much! I decided to make this a sequel to Bunny.

Not that innocent

Pairing: BDE x reader

Word count: 2.3K

TWs: Erectile dysfunction, cockwarming, p in v sex, a lot of cum, a short appearance from angry!Elvis, reader cries (not sex-related).

Elvis likes you, so he wants to keep you around. He was a little anxious that maybe you didn’t like him back when you said no to his invitation to spend the night. But then you turn up to his show the next night wearing the dress he’d had sent to you, so some of the anxiety dissipates. He feels like he does the entire show for you, the moves, the songs, even when he’s kissing all those other women he still has you in mind. You intrigue him - he thought you were shy, and then you asked him all those questions. All those oddly pertinent questions. As though you could see inside his mind and knew that he was sad and lonely a lot of the time. He wants you by his side again so he can talk to you some more. And of course it wouldn’t hurt to teach you a few more things in the bedroom. 

This time you decide to go to Elvis’ suite alone. Your friends aren’t that interested in going again anyway - they’re only in Tahoe for one more night and then they’re going back home. You’re supposed to go with them, only you’re not sure if you will. There’s not a lot pulling you back to Virginia. Your job, of course, but no significant other or pets or anything like that. And you could get another job. It might not be that professional to just stay in Tahoe until the end of Elvis’ residency, but part of you is wondering if you should try living a little. 

As soon as he sees you Elvis’ hands are on you, guiding you around the room as he murmurs questions in your ear about the show and what you’re drinking tonight. You answer him brightly, because you loved the show and you’re dying for another margherita. He settles you down next to him on the sofa and immediately starts talking to the rest of the people around him in an extremely animated fashion. You sip quietly on your drink and watch him. He really is very handsome, and you love the way he talks. Not just his accent, but the way he says things, something about it really appeals to you. 

After an hour or so, you start to get antsy. You’ve been sitting in the same position, with Elvis’s arm around your shoulders, being jostled by him as he moves back and forth. And you’re uncomfortable. And if you’re really, truly, being honest, a little bored. You tap his leg cautiously and look up into his face. He’s still talking though, barely registering anything else in the room other than the conversation that he’s so completely immersed in. You tap again, but there’s still no response. Then you think of something that will get his attention, your little hand wandering over to his groin and squeezing his balls. 

“Bunny!” Elvis’ face is red and his eyes are wide. 

“Sorry,” you whisper, your eyes meeting his a little reluctantly. “I tried to nudge you but you weren’t paying attention.”

Elvis is briefly furious at the fact that you’ve touched him, there, in public, and part of him wants to throw you out of the suite and never see you again. There’s a weird stillness in the room as everyone around him waits to see how he’s going to react. It’s not as if any of them actually saw what happened, but they all know that tone, and that there’s a high likelihood of the entire suite being cleared out in the next couple of minutes. 

“You can’t do that!” He rages, far too loud and too close to your face. 

You’d heard that he has mood swings nowadays, you’d read about them in the newspapers. He’d been nothing but sweet to you last night, though, so you hadn’t really believed it. But here you were now, right in the middle of one. You burst into tears. 

“I d-didn’t mean to… I… I… it’s uncomfortable and loud and I don’t know anyone but you and I don’t even know you…” the words are rushing out of you at a rate of knots and you struggle to make them stop. “I just wanted y-your attention, it’s too much b-being here on my o-own…” you sniff loudly and then succumb to sobbing again. 

“Oh, bunny…” Elvis softens immediately, seeing how upset you are and knowing he’s the cause of it. 

“Right, Charlie, everyone out!” He shouts into the room, and then without warning scoops you up and carries you into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. 

“Bunny I’m so sorry,” he coos, placing you down on the bed and sitting himself next to you. 

You sniff and try to get your breathing under control as he passes you a box of tissues. “It’s… it’s okay.”

He watches as you wipe your face and take a few more gulping breaths of air, gradually calming down again. 

“Ya don’t like all those other people?” He asks, gently. 

You shake your head. “N-no. It’s just a bit much.”

“Sorry, honey. C’mere.” He pulls you into his arms, your head on his chest as he strokes your hair lovingly. You both stay like that for a while, and then he wonders what you were trying to get his attention about in the first place. Now he’s had some time to think about it, it’s kind of a funny way to get his attention, and if nudging didn’t work he can’t really blame you for doing it. 

“What did ya want anyway, Bunny?”

You move your head to look at him. “Jus’ your attention. Wanted to move off that sofa and do something else.”

He grins. “Well ya got what ya wanted.”

You wriggle up his body, your hand burrowing into his hair. “I kinda wanted something else, too.” You press your lips against his and he responds eagerly, kissing you gently at first and then with increasing passion. 

You start to pull at his clothes and it’s not long before he finds himself naked with you, a position he doesn’t usually like to be in with the lights on, but somehow your little body is making him care less about it than usual. He caresses you with his big, guitar-roughened  hands and you moan, kissing him and rubbing your body against his. He’s shocked when you pull away from his embrace and straddle his thighs, your hand tugging on him just like he taught you yesterday. He’s even more shocked when he feels you rub the head on your pussy, your arousal covering him as you sink down onto his length. 

“Fuck,” he groans, looking down at you through hooded eyes. “Thought ya were an innocent lil bunny.”

You giggle, settling yourself down, his dick completely inside you. “I’ve had sex before, Elvis.”

He shakes his head and clicks his tongue. “‘parently so. Ya not gonna move then, bunny?”

You giggle again, shaking your head and running your hands over your breasts, arching your back as you do it. He groans. “Thought I might tease you a little?”

“T-tease me?” He stumbles over the word a little. He really read you wrong when he met you, you might’ve been terrible at handjobs but you definitely know what you’re doing with your body right now. 

“Mmm. Jus’ sit on it.” You bite your lip and tip your head to one side. One of your girlfriends had told you about teasing and you thought it seemed fun, but you hadn’t really had much of an opportunity to try. The couple of guys you’d been with were so demanding about their own pleasure you’d been more of a fun plaything than a woman with agency. 

“S-sit on it?” Elvis feels like he has to stop repeating everything you say back to you as a question, but it’s like his brain has gone completely blank. Apart from the part that reminds him that he’s 40 and he takes too many meds for his dick to co-operate like this for too long. And he doesn’t want to say that out loud. 

You grin. It seems like it’s working. You rock your hips just a little and he moans in response. Biting your lip, you decide to try pushing it a little further. 

“Maybe you’ll think twice about being so mean to me, next time?”

Elvis’ expression changes a little, and you wonder if you’ve pushed it too far. His hand reaches to slap you on the side of the thigh. 

“C’mon. I apologised fer that. Ya need ta move.”

His tone is bordering on annoyed, and you consider it for a minute and then shake your head, going for your best attempt at a girlie cute little grin. 

“No! Not yet.”

Elvis groans, feeling himself starting to get soft. 

“Please!”

“No!” 

You think you’re still teasing, until you feel something change inside you and watch something changing on his face, too. 

“Ya may as well jus’ get off,” he huffs. 

You tilt your head to one side and look at him. “Don’t want to.”

Still huffing, he gets up onto his elbows and looks at you sternly. “There’s no point now.”

His tone is bitter but he keeps staring at you, waiting to see what you’re going to do. Expecting you to move. But you don’t want to. You don’t feel as full as you did earlier, but he’s still nestled inside you and you like that feeling. 

“I like it,” you tell him, then you hold out your arms. “Want you closer.”

He’s confused but the way you’re being with him softens his frustrations and he finds himself sitting up as you ask, with you adjusting to make sure he doesn’t fall out. After some wriggling he finally finds himself with his arms around you and his head on your shoulder, breathing in your scent. 

“Too old ta be teased,” he whispers. 

“Maybe I’m jus’ not good at teasing,” you suggest. 

“Hmmm.”

“Like the feeling of you inside like this.”

He grumbles into the crook of your neck, then sighs, relenting. “Like it too.”

You sit there for a while, in one another’s arms, enjoying the feeling of closeness. Then you wiggle your hips a little. 

“You think I can get it back?”

“Hmmm?”

“Your hard-on. Think I can get it back? I’m not that good at teasing but I am good at… other stuff.”

Elvis shakes his head a little to clear it of your dirty words. “I dunno, honey. Little Elvis isn’t that co-operative nowadays.”

You giggle, moving so you can look at him properly. “Little Elvis? You named it?”

He looks down, shyly. “Y-yeah. I named it.”

“Ohhh. Maybe I should talk to him.”

“What’re ya gonna say?”

You think for a while, tilting your head to the side and nibbling on your lower lip, going through several options. Then you decide you’ve come up with it, and smile brightly at him. 

“I think I’m gonna say, Little Elvis… you’re not actually that little, are you?”

Elvis bursts out laughing, his fingertips digging into your fleshy hips as he throws his head back. Your hands hold onto the back of his neck as you grin at his reaction. 

“I’m also gonna say, I like playing with you, and I’d really like it if you got all red and hard for me again. But if you’re too tired, I understand.”

Elvis is still laughing, all the tension from earlier has completely gone and he just loves how silly you’re being. It’s making him feel like the whole thing is less serious than he’d first imagined. Then he starts to feel something as you rock your hips back and forth on him, your ass firmly pressed against his thighs so he doesn’t slip out. A little hardening, a little rush of blood back down there again. Your lips find his ear and you murmur into it. 

“Want to show you how good I am at this. I know you’ve had a lot of girls and I’m sure I’m not the best, but I want to try.”

He groans at your words and your movements, and he starts to think that you’re right, you are good at this and you can bring his erection back. He’s never known a girl be able to do it before, he usually gets so psyched out and upset when it happens he doesn’t even let them try. 

“Bunny,” he breathes, feeling your pussy hugging him again as you start to roll your hips forwards, pushing your breasts against his chest. 

“Elvis,” you moan back, raising yourself up on your knees just a little before sitting back down. 

“Fuck,” he mutters, his hands on your ass as you start to make your movements bigger and bigger, until finally you’re bouncing on him like…well… a bunny rabbit. 

You move one of your hands to rub your clit as the familiar feeling inside you builds, his dick pleasuring you just the way you like. You’ve only been in this position once or twice, but those are the times you’ve been able to cum from sex and so you’re excited to do this with Elvis. You watch his face contort in pleasure and it brings you even closer, thinking that you’re the cause, you’re what’s making him feel so good. Your fingers rub faster and you keep bouncing, his hands helping you move now too, fucking you on his dick. 

Leaning back, you finally sigh out your orgasm, so quietly Elvis would’ve missed it if he was just relying on his ears. But he feels you, and then he knows he has to move you before he cums. His strong hands pull you off him completely and set you down somewhere around his knees, before he grabs his dick and quickly jerks himself, cumming in seconds, his release spurting all over your belly and tits. Lying down with a groan, he wraps his arm around you as you lie down next to him. 

“I need a shower,” you whisper in his ear. 

He’s still breathing hard, trying to recover from his orgasm, and he pries his eyes open to look at you. You’re literally covered in his cum. 

“Shit.”

You giggle. “Told you I was good at it.”

He shakes his head with a wry smile. “Knew Bunny was a good name fer ya. Jus’ didn’t realise how good. Until now…”

***

@vintagepresley @arg-xoxo @from-memphis-with-love @msamarican @blursedblegh @returntopresley @eapep @everythingelvispresley @i-r-i-n-a-a @sissylittlefeather @arrolyn1114 @jhoneybees @cattcb @polksaladava @lookingforrainbows @jkdaddy01 @ccab @epthedream69 @lustnhim @elvisslut @pomtherine @that-hotdog @ladelinee @angschrof @fairybloodsucker @deltafalax @makethemorning @elviswhore69 @ilovequeen978 @wildhorseinkansas @pocketfulofpresley

[dreamsofbroflovski]

yo…hear me out..

what the main four or others (as long as kyles in it..) are like for new years celebrations!

happy 2025 yall. let’s cook.

oh look its kyle bufflobster on that gif. my personal enemy.

Happy 2025!!! Hope everyone's having a great time already! As for me, I managed to drink cider that's been expired since 2021. It's going swell.

My first request for headcanons! I don't even know if I did these right, but I really did rack my brain. I also added some words about how they'd be with the reader because why not.

MAIN FOUR HEADCANONS - NEW YEAR'S CELEBRATIONS

𓆩♡𓆪 STAN MARSH

First thing that needs to be said: this man is pissed off days in advance over fireworks - if he has any pets, he has to make absolutely sure they’re safe and secure before anything else. He’s that guy who’s very vocal about how bad they are for animals (doesn’t really mention their effects on people), has probably tried to get them banned completely at some point.

Now that that’s out of the way. I think he’s the type to stay holed up in his home, order takeout and treat it as just another evening. 

With the exception that he’ll have an excuse to drink a whole lot of cheap champagne without anyone being up his ass about it.

Avoids his family altogether, mostly due to his father wanting to go absolutely wild on the holiday, he needs to be far away from all that.

He’s not opposed to attending a party and being around his friends, but will not actively seek that out.

And if he’s partying, he’s gonna go blackout drunk and probably miss the actual turn of the year - only to try and drunkenly state his well wishes (or personal grievances) to everyone half an hour later when the whole thing has pretty much died down.

Thumbs up reacts to everyone’s texts on the afternoon of Jan 1st; no real response.

No resolutions at all. There’s no point - at the end of the day, the new year is just a continuation of everything that has been going on in his life. If he has to achieve anything, he’ll do so of his own accord, making a promise is just putting unnecessary weight on his own shoulders.

If he’s with you, however… He can be a little better and put more effort into it, because he sees how excited you are and doesn’t wanna burst your bubble.

Will do whatever you wanna do, but has a high preference for it just being the two of you somewhere isolated, with some food and music and the aforementioned champagne (which he drinks a lot less of if you’re present)

Will pull you into a kiss right as the fireworks start and try to keep you distracted for the duration, both because he wants to be as close to you as possible in that moment and also so that he can ignore the things entirely.

Will tell you all about how he loves you and how you’re the best thing that’s happened to him. Even if he sounds drunk, you know he means all of it entirely.

𓆩♡𓆪 KYLE BROFLOVSKI

He’s probably nothing special on NYE. Probably also stays at home, but not isolated.

Jewish New Year isn’t on Dec 31st, but I still think his parents do a little something, like some nice dinner or a reunion with extended family members or friends.

If he finds himself at some party, he’s pretty well-behaved even there. I don’t see him raising hell - however, if anyone stresses him out, he’ll fight like it’s any other old day.

Is the one fucker who brought the expensive champagne that no one can recognize the name of - which got the same treatment as the other cheap ones from the supermarket.

I do unfortunately see him in the position of designated driver. Someone has to make sure his dumbass friends don’t kill themselves on the road. That doesn’t mean he’s ever happy about it, though.

Watches people partake in superstitions, but doesn’t do any of them himself.

Sends ‘Happy New Year’ texts to almost everyone he knows as soon as midnight rolls over.

Makes resolutions and sticks to them - writes them, pins them to the wall, the whole nine yards. Morning of Jan 1st he’s already making detailed plans about how he’s going to achieve everything he said he would that year (whether those plans actually succeed is a whole different animal)

If he’s with you… He absolutely tries to make it a special night, despite it meaning little to him in a superstitious sense.

He’s also in the position where your plans are his plans, he’ll follow you. However, if you do accept to spend NYE with his family and him the whole time, it sends his heart soaring because he knows that you’re choosing him above all the other stuff you could be doing, and he’ll make sure you have a great time even if his family is… difficult.

Brings you into a soft and tender kiss as the new year rolls over, holding you close as you both share a toast of champagne and sort of ignore the first fireworks in favor of being with each other.

At the top of his resolution list is the mission to make your year the best it can possibly be, and to love you through all of it. He hasn’t really written that down on his list, though - because it’s on his mind 24/7 anyway.

𓆩♡𓆪 ERIC CARTMAN

Leaves his mother alone - he’s at a party somewhere, for sure. Even if he was invited to none, he’ll sneak his way in. Since no one really has it in them to argue with him on NYE, he gets to stay.

Which shouldn’t even be a bad thing, because he actually brings the heat; he shows up with several beverages and food every time. The part of it that sucks is the fact that everything he brings is for his consumption, so he’s still an expense to the host.

He can, however, legitimately be trusted with the aux. Actual decent taste when it comes to party music.

That one guy making jokes about how he ‘hasn’t showered since last year’ or shit. Except he says them at 10pm still on Dec 31st and no one’s sure if he’s just stupid or if it’s really true.

Wears party accessories ironically; possibly brought them.

Buys whole boxes of fireworks. He’ll try to find some poor soul to do the work of lighting them up for him, but normally can’t, so he does it himself and probably needs to be taken to the hospital from the burns or sets fire to something else entirely.

Makes posts and stories on social media wishing a half-assed Happy New Year to ‘everyone’ - when in reality he got maybe like, two texts at most. (Butters and his mom, most likely)

Strangely superstitious? People will see him go through all the possible traditions that anyone said would bring him good fortune. If anyone asks him about it, he’ll deny deny deny - actually, he’s wearing full white ‘because it’s drip’ and eating those grapes under the table ‘because he doesn’t want to share them’, it’s definitely not that he fears for his own luck if he doesn’t do so.

Since he is a little ‘stitious, that does mean he makes resolutions. And they’re usually grandiose, full of bullshit, and don’t really signify any relevant positive change for his life - it’s mostly just material and physical gratification. Needless to say, they’ve never come to fruition.

If he’s with you, barely anything changes, really.

Talks to you about his plans for the evening as if they’re a done deal. Basically drags you to whatever it is he wants to do. (You might even be the reason he’s able to get into a party to begin with)

Doesn’t kiss you straight away because he’s busy with his fireworks, but if he manages to not hurt himself, you get a heavy makeout session afterwards.

He talks mad shit about how you’re lucky to have him and how you should thank him for spending this time with you, but in reality, there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

Immensely grateful for your presence in his life and willing to do anything to keep it that way. However, you won’t hear a single word about it.

𓆩♡𓆪 KENNY MCCORMICK

Out of his house by sundown - the addicts around him don’t really need a special occasion for doing their shit and stirring trouble, but it still seems to worsen on the holidays, so he wants to avoid that.

The protection Stan feels towards animals, he feels towards his siblings. Before he goes do anything else, he has to make sure they’re accounted for, with their friends somewhere safe where they can enjoy the night.

When that’s dealt with, it’s party time. He does get invited to stuff, and tries his best to not show up empty-handed, even if it’s just a bottle of cheap alcohol. He might still fail in that regard, though, but it’s okay, we still love him.

Wears all the ridiculous party accessories unironically.

Has died, more than once, due to firework-related accidents. Still enjoys watching them, albeit from a very safe distance now.

Watches the ball drop livestream on the television with great interest, even if just because it’s in HD this time. Celebrates heavily when it finally happens.

His ‘Happy New Year’ texts come in the afternoon, because he’s always too wasted in the morning to tell anyone anything. People might receive a drunken nonsensical jumble of letters at midnight, though.

Says surface-level words about a resolution or two, but it’s mostly really simple stuff. Also doesn’t really hold any of that to heart, because he knows of his own bad luck.

Doing the absolute most for a new year’s kiss (or several), practically on his knees begging for it.

However, if he’s with you… You’re getting way more than a kiss. It doesn’t even matter where y’all are, he’s starting the year by doing his favorite thing with his favorite person.

He kinda drags you into his plans, but it’s not in a selfish way like Cartman does. He just wants to make sure the both of you have a great time.

If you turn out to invite him personally to spend time with your family or just yourself, words cannot describe how happy he’s gonna be. It’ll basically make his whole year. He’ll ditch any party for that.

Partying all night with his baby, watching the fireworks, making love and not having to worry about anything else? Count this dude in.

Dividers by @cafekitsune

[preeningpisces]

JJK Men vs. Tinder

What the men are like on Tinder! Non-Curse AU

AN: I discussed these with my sister & it’s such a fun topic. If you have any thoughts/headcanons, pls share them!

Includes: Choso, Geto, Gojo, Kenjaku, Nanami, Sukuna, Toji

Below the cut, toxic behavior, enjoy!

Choso

❥ Photos: not the best at taking photos. They’re awkward, but in an endearing way. A classic above view selfie where he tries to look neutral/cool, but it ends up looking kind of pouty and oh-so babygirl. A photo with itadori with a forced smile, and one that itadori took of him while they were at an arcade & he won a plushie from a claw machine

❥ Bio: itadori did some major editing because Choso wrote like a whole paragraph that no one wants to read

Hi! New to the dating scene. If you like video games, anime or sci-fi too then should talk🖤

❥ Opener: pretty standard, afraid of coming off like a creep because he's awkward

hi how are you?

❥ Messaging: makes you feel like you’re messaging a bot at first because his responses are pretty fast because he's eager, but also straightforward and bland because he doesn't want to say something wrong. Itadori has to come in & do damage control until Choso can see you're interested. Very much a penpal--might be a week or more before he asks you out. He's the type that wants to have an emotional connection going on a date

❥ How he asks you out: he's nervous but he's direct. Stares the phone down until you reply

I really like you and want to meet you. do you want to go on a date?

❥ First date: he’ll take you somewhere sweet and fun, like an arcade or a carnival. Having activities takes some pressure off, which helps with his nerves a lot. Googled how to act on a date, so he brings flowers - aaaaw. Pays too, even if funds are tight.

❥ If it doesn’t work out: omg having to end things will STRESS HIM THE FUCK OUT. He's going to mull over the decision for a hot minute before he does it. He's apologetic, but makes it clear that he doesn't want to see you anymore

♡ ♡ ♡

Geto

❥ Photos: the best at taking photos. They’re pretty normal for the most part, one with him petting a cat, another at a cafe with Gojo and Shoko. But he has a pretentious black & white photo of him reading a book or staring off to the side. He looks so pretty it cancels out the cringe tho

❥ Bio: keeps it simple, he believes it's better not reveal too much. That's what getting to know someone is for, afterall. Definitely has his spotify connected

Looking for real connection, someone that's my bestfriend before anything else. Always looking for new music, any song recs?

❥ Opener: opens with something from your profile to show he actually read it and didn't just swipe because of your looks, and to start with an interesting convo!

Saw you like reading. What’s the best book you’ve read so far this year?

❥ Messaging: engaging conversationalist, but not the type to instant message endlessly. Doesn't take forever to respond tho, and if he's about to become busy he'll warn you. Will ask more questions about you than he will share about himself. Gotta keep up that mysterious art hoe vibe he ikes to give off

❥ How he asks you out: would ask you out pretty quickly, perhaps after talking for 2 days or a day and a half. You’d be instant messaging, and he just says your name as if he’s about to say something serious, & lets it hang there for a moment before following up with:

I’ve really enjoyed talking, we should go on a date

❥ First date: chill but gives you something to talk about. Museum, aquarium, bar with a jazz music night, pottery class, etc. Gentlemanly but in a cool way, if that makes sense? Not quite as strict as Nanami, but you will feel a bit like a princess. Definitely pays! Cuts out the awkwardness by saying he's going to cover things before you even go

❥ If it doesn’t work out: lowkey kind of dismissive! He’s not going to outright ghost you…but he’ll breadcrumb you until you bring it up

♡ ♡ ♡

Gojo

❥ Photos: has the most normal photos. Always looks like he’s having fun & hanging with people. One where he took an unwilling selfie with Nanami, another of him standing over a maximum height chart at an amusement park with an exaggerated pout, and a video deadlifting Geto at the gym with passerbys staring judgementally

❥ Bio: uses the stereotypical bios but ironically. You need 3D chess insight to know he’s joking because it kind of suits him LOL

If you like pineapple on pizza, it’s not gonna work 🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️🙅‍♂️ looking for my partner in crime. The Pam to my Jim 🥰 short king 👑 let me climb you like a tree mens 14 shoes, if you know what I mean 😈

❥ Opener: Gojo likes a casual and playful approach. If your profile has something funny he'll open with that

heeeeey what’s up?

❥ Messaging: weaponizes girl texting. Playful, cheeky. Instant messanger most of the time, but will randomly disappear for a whole day and come back with a lame explanation like 'sorry, was busy with work'

❥ How he asks you out: he’d ask while you’re joking around, after you roast him. Will text for several days before meeting up

mmhm why don't you come say that to my face? 🤨 this weekend over coffee my treat definitely not a date or anything

❥ First date: surprisingly, he goes for the classic coffee shop, window shopping, or movie type dates. Very lackadaisical when planning--kind of stressful if you're a big planner or have a tight schedule. A lot more chill on the date than he was over text. Will pay for everything, obviously, might even buy something you see and casually mention liking

❥ If it doesn’t work out: straight up ghosts you - sorry buddy. He just doesn't like dealing with that mess, and to him, if you haven't been seeing each other that long he doesn't feel obligated to end things directly

♡ ♡ ��

Kenjaku

❥ Photos: normal, flattering, down to earth. He wants people to swipe so he can mess with them. On other occasions, MIGHT use random people's photos and catfish just because he was feeling goofy. Has been banned SEVERAL times

❥ Bio: Kenjaku is tricky. His profile and approaches change all the time because he's the type that wants to do 'social experiments' on Tinder. I can see him doing the whole 'I made the most toxic profile to see if ppl will still match with me' or making one that comes off SO sketchy it's insane anyone would talk to him. Even worse, will make one looking for a serious relationship only to commit psychological warfare on the poor sap who matched.

❥ Opener: depends on what he wants. Very much a wild card. Some examples:

sends a questionable link - it's a photo of your house from Google Streetview

If being normal, like Geto he comments on something from your profile: you like hiking, have you been to X trail? It has great shade

❥ Messaging: eratic. Either endless chatter, or radio silence. Definitely the most verbose of the bunch--if you've caught his interest or bring up a topic he likes he's texting paragraphs. Will get bored easily if you're a dry texter. Occasionally sends voice memos because it's like a one-sided phone call LOL . Sometimes he asks out quickly, sometimes he doesn't. Sigh.

❥ How he asks you out: I'm a broken record at this point, but it depends on his intent! Sometimes he's charming, sometimes he's insane and wants to creep you out

I have tickets to X, want to join me?

That cafe you went to yesterday looks nice, we should go together sometime

❥ First date: if he's trying to charm you, he'll take you somewhere he knows you like (that he can stand) OR somewhere entertaining like an open mic comedy night. If he's being a menace, he'll take you somewhere really weird like a Quaker meeting (thank you fleabag). Or just stand you up. He'll actually be there, just to watch how you react

❥ If it doesn’t work: will gaslight you into believing YOU'RE the one with the problem and are the reason it isn't working. You might delete the app after suffering this demon

♡ ♡ ♡

Nanami

❥ Photos: his company headshot photo, a few work function photos that he’s cropped and are blurry. He’s not smiling in any of them, except for one of him accepting an award at work where he gave the smallest smile for the photo to look agreeable.

❥ Bio: fills it out like a job application. Straight to the point.

Dating with intention. I enjoy reading and cooking. I look forward to speaking with you.

❥ Opener: Nothing crazy - very standard but more formal than typical

Good afternoon, how are you doing?

❥ Messaging: very formal and polite, doesn’t like small talk but will engage in interesting convos. Doesn't reply instantly, but doesn't leave you hanging for hours--he's a busy guy, afterall. Respectful of your time, and expects that in return. Prefers phone calls! Especially while he's making dinner.

❥ How he asks you out: he’s very effecient, he’s not going to be your penpal. He’ll ask you out within the first day of talking if he’s feeling the right vibe. Thinks meeting in person is better for getting to know someone. Will arrange all the plans and make sure it works with both of your schedules comfortably

I would like to get to know you better. Would you be interested in dinner at XX?

❥ First date: classic dinner man! Won’t take you somewhere intimidating, but definitely something nicer. He doesn’t go on dates willy nilly, so he’s going to treat you right. Will be baffled if you offer to pay

❥ If it doesn’t work: Very respectful, of course. He'll let you know quickly as well and won't lead you on. Will thank you for going on a date with him and say it was a pleasure to meet you.

♡ ♡ ♡

Sukuna

❥ Photos: a shirtless pic with him flexing, one of those middle-aged man selfies where they look stern but also a bit confused bc they aren't sure they're doing it right LOL. One of his car or a bike. He's gotta look badass but kind of looks lame

❥ Bio: BOSSY. He basically has a DNI list but for swiping. Sees it as you being audacious if you swipe on him and aren't worth his time

If you're clingy, desperate, have kids or a moron don't bother

❥ Opener: will say something about your appearance - whether this is positive or negative entirely depends on why he swiped. Somtimes he'll swipe on ppl he finds ugly just to see if he gets a match. He's an asshole like that

You look sexy as hell in that 3rd picture

Don't get your hopes up. You're fucking ugly, just thought you needed to know

❥ Messaging: very dry texter. Don’t ask multiple questions, only 1 will be answered. Takes long to reply as well. Prefers calls, but doesn't like calls where it's just chatting to chat yknow?

❥ How he asks you out: basically tells you you're going out LOL. Will ask you out pretty quickly, he just doesn't care for texting that much

Come to X on Friday. We're getting food.

❥ First date: He's going to take you to dinner, but is one of those annoying mfers that's like 'if you won't get messy in public you’re too full of yourself' so it'll be like bbq or wings at a sports bar. 50-50 type of guy. He's not spending $$ on someone he doesn't know

❥If it doesn't work: oh you know he's going to be ruthless. Your ego isn't going to be wounded, it's going to be evaporated

♡ ♡ ♡

Toji

❥ Photos: only 2 photos - a shirtless, dirty mirror selfie with flash obscuring most of his face & a gym selfie where he’s flexing

❥ Bio: tinder isn’t important to him, so he isn’t going to put effort into his profile, but if it catches him the occasional hookup he won’t complain. One of those terrifying mfers that straight up puts their number on their profile (I'm always tempted to send them something insane)

text me if we match (XXX) XXX-XXXX

❥ Opener: he doesn’t usually open, you gotta text him first. What a bitch. If he does open he'll comment on a photo, something that stands out so it isn't odd to comment on it, but still invovles your appearance somehow so it lets you know he's basically checked you out. He knows being too bold will scare most ppl off

I like the hair. suits you

❥ Messaging: nonchalant, and doesn't reply quickly. Dry, but not as dry as Sukuna. Big breadcrumber - engages juuuust enough to keep you around

❥ How he asks you out: Toji’s intention is usually hookups, so he’s pretty straightforward & will ask if you want to meet that night. Too old for ‘you up’ or ‘wyd’

I’m at X. Want to join for drinks?

❥ First date: usually a bar. Then his or your place. Very low effort. Whether he pays or not depends on you, to be honest. If he gets the vibe you don't care, he won't offer. If he gets the vibe you will care, he'll pay. Very good at reading people

❥ If it doesn’t work out: ghosts, but keeps your number if he wants to hit you up again. You’ll probably get a text 3 months later LOL

♡ ♡ ♡

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

(For the Crewel event)

If you could trust any of your students to watch over your dogs for at least a day, who would you pick?

It was hard to narrow it down to one student, so I provided a couple! If you’re wondering why some characters don’t appear, assume Crewel sniffed out a significant flaw (Floyd’s flippancy, Riddle’s rage and inflexibility, Ortho’s laser, Lilia’s cooking, etc.).

If he doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will.

“You’ve pose a difficult question,” Crewel groaned, running a hand through his monochromatic hair. “Given the choice, I wouldn’t entrust my dear pets to pups who have yet to earn their spots, but since you’ve put me in this situation… I would first put my Science Club mentees on the list of contenders.”

“Because you’ve watched over them and they’ve proven to you that they’re responsible?” you asked.

“Hah! If you wish to phrase it like that, then be my guest,” Crewel said with a dry scoff. “Clover is experienced in looking after others while Hunt is familiar with animals. They both have their own desirable characteristics.”

His pointer collided with an open palm in a harsh snap. You instinctively winced at the sound.

“Clover and Hunt work with me quite closely. They know better than anyone what is prepared for them, should there be a single hair on my dogs’ heads harmed: a brutal scolding! … Though perhaps it is unfair of me to look to the extracurricular I advise for these personal matters.

“For those outside of Science Club… Howl, Viper, and Schoenheit. There are other students who appear respectable or have experience with animal care. However, I fear there may be ulterior motives on their part.”

Images of NRC’s local money grubbers and brown nosers flashed in your mind. Wriggling tentacles, a smile concealing sharp and gnashing teeth, the sweep of a hyena’s tail.

“Yeah, I think I know who you’re talking about,” you said with a nervous laugh. “But hey, tell me more about why you picked Jack, Jamil, and Vil-senpai?”

“To begin with, they are all diligent, mature, and disciplined for their age. Each has their own unique strength as well.

“I’ve heard that Howl is the eldest sibling of his family. He takes his younger brother and sister out for physical activities. That would translate well into play and exercise sessions with my own dogs.

“Viper is a skilled chef. I can count on him to prepare delicious and nutritious meals. He also keeps a close eye out for his dorm leader and is health. I would appreciate that same level of vigilance for my pets.

"Finally, there is Schoenheit. He shares many of the same aesthetic sensibilities as I. I'm certain that he will have no issues with tending to grooming. Shampooing, rinsing, drying, clipping, styling, the works. Not only that, but I have confidence that Schoenheit can curb even the most unruly of mutts.”

“My pets are well-trained but feisty. Should they sense any inadequacy, they will cause trouble in an act of rebellion. I will not have to worry about that with Schoenheit. He commands attention and respect, like yours truly.”

You teetered on your tiptoes, then rocked back on the balls of your feet. “And hypothetically speaking, would you trust me with watching your dogs?”

“Is that what your question was leading up to? This?”

“Yup, pretty much. Sooo, what’s your verdict, sensei?”

Crewel scrutinized you with steely grey eyes. “Hmm, there’s potential—but you still have a long ways to go. See if you can get that Grim under control and then get back to me. That pup still owes yesterday’s homework!”

“You want me to nab him and make him turn in an overdue assignment?” you groaned. “Seems like that’s all I’ve been doing this year.”

“Then you’d best be prepared to do plenty more of it. Consider it training for the day when you may very well be asked to take on far greater responsibilities!”

[crimeronan]

thinking about the potential banished hunter princess timeline today, wherein hunter gets trapped in the human realm while luz is still with belos in the demon realm. mainly i'm thinking about the first night when he's volunteered to stay in camila's basement, after vee has revealed Who He Is.

vee's initial panic eventually subsides into confusion and general unhappiness. hunter has been VERY open about the situation with luz, way more than he ever was back when vee was in the dungeons. it's making her uncomfortable to recontextualize him, in no small part because it's been Years since she last saw him. he's probably a little older than her (at least, as far as vee can estimate her own age) but that means he must've been, what. fourteen?? fifteen?? when she last saw him?? and already solely responsible for caring for luz??

that seems like a reasonable and adult position when you're, like, thirteen. and grew up in a torture dungeon. but when you're a freshman in college who's gotten a Lot more experience with well-adjusted peers....

meanwhile camila does NOT want to keep anybody prisoner, but also would be Out Of Her Mind not to acknowledge that hunter is dangerous. AND she knows that he knows luz. vee's confirmed that much is 100% true. camila can't imagine getting into the isles, finding luz, and being like, "yeah, i threw your closest family out into the connecticut cold to fend for himself." Absolutely Not

so. very convenient that hunter volunteers to be imprisoned!!

it does take some time to talk hunter off the ceiling. he's very firmly like "we need to get back to the demon realm Right Now" while camila is like "that's not happening tonight" and he's like "it needs to!!!"

camila: well, it Can't. do you think i wouldn't go to her if i could?? the best thing you can do for her tonight is SLEEP.

hunter grudgingly goes.

camila puts together a stack of extra blankets because the basement can get chilly. and as she's about to bring them downstairs, vee offers her an old squishmallow or pillow pet that camila bought her years earlier. and is like. well, i'd want something to hold onto if i was him. just tell him not to hurt it. then if he DOES destroy it, we'll know what kind of person he is.

camila: baby, are you.... sure...?

vee: it's just a stuffed animal. i don't care <-said while caring deeply, caringly

hunter doesn't expect to sleep. but he also doesn't expect camila or vee to show him any kindness. so when camila explains that the blankets are to keep warm and the pillow pet is because vee wanted him to have a companion, he's like....

....i don't know how human hospitality works. i think i'm ethically obligated to follow you into battle now tho.

so when camila orders him to get some rest, he does.

camila comes down the next morning with the mildest breakfast food she can find, plus a bunch of questions about what witches eat, because she's not going to starve hunter. she finds him sound asleep curled up under all of the blankets, with the pillow pet cradled carefully under his chin. the same way he might hold a real person.

[kedreeva]

Sorry about the color mix up. I appreciate the reply and additional info! I guess bc I know nothing about peafowl (and the fact i dont breed any type of animal), I'm having a hard time understanding how being sterile would be unethical. I do somewhat get the shortened life span. I really would like to understand this, I just sometimes need stuff explained like I'm 5.

Up front, there's no "somewhat get" to a shortened lifespan being caused by a mutation in captive populations. If an animal is capable of living 20+ years (and some live 30+ or even 40+!) and some non-essential mutation is causing them to live 7-9 years, it's flat out absolutely unethical to breed that mutation, full stop, regardless of anything else going on. That's indicative of a MAJOR problem in their genetics. There's NO ethical reason to breed that because humans like how it looks. So, even without the sterility, these birds would 100% be unethical to produce.

The short answer on sterility is this: we don't know WHY they are sterile, but they shouldn't be, and that means something has gone wrong. When something goes wrong with an animal, and it's something genetic that can be passed on, the ONLY responsible and ethical thing for a breeder to do is to stop using that animal for breeding and closely monitor any already-produced offspring for signs of the problem, and likely not breed them, either.

The longer more complicated answer is this: sometimes it's possible to separate the problem from the aesthetic when it comes to morphs, like it was for cameo + blindness, but sometimes it's NOT, like it wasn't for spider + head wobble for ball pythons. In those instances, it's... difficult. Because you're LIKELY going to produce animals that suffer the same problem as their parent(s), in the attempt to separate the problem from the aesthetic, and sometimes that's ALL you're going to produce. As a breeder, it's your absolute responsibility to NOT release the offspring into the general population, where the problem may be replicated without control, and to keep or cull the affected individuals if the problem cannot be separated from the aesthetic, or AT BEST find them guaranteed pet-only homes that will NEVER breed them.

Sometimes the problem IS purely aesthetic or harmless, like it was for pied in peafowl, and sometimes it's not, like it was for vitiligo in peafowl. The problem comes when you ASSUME a mutation is the first, and treat it like the first when it's really the second. This has caused FAR reaching consequences in the peafowl community, and I'm sure in others, where now the autoimmune disease that first bronze had has been passed into genpop by folks who thought they were breeding a harmless new variation of pied. Hybrid animals are often sterile (not in peafowl though, hybrid cristatus-muticus birds are fertile) because of a mismatch in chromosome pairing numbers, and often that's harmless. So, in some cases sterility is not an issue because it's the expected result or is otherwise harmless... but in the case of peafowl, it's NOT an expected result and we don't know if it's caused by something harmless or not.

Some species, like mice and horses and cattle and dogs, genetic testing and DNA mapping done with millions of dollars has proven that while some stuff isn't purely aesthetic, it also doesn't cause harm to the animal in a way that affects quality of life or that can be adapted for in captive care. For example, in chickens, the frizzle gene causes curled feathers in single copy and an absence of feathers in double copy. This gene is considered ethical to produce IF the breeding is done responsibly by putting a single copy bird over a zero copy bird, which produces smooth coats and frizzle coats, but it is unethical to produce double frizzles (called "frazzles") because frazzles cannot thermoregulate, can easily sunburn, and easily suffer skin injury during normal chicken activity.

For peafowl, we have NO genetic testing. We do not have the genome mapped. As far as I know there's a research group working on it (mostly for green peafowl though, in conservation efforts), but that's not remotely finished or available to the public to test anything. We don't know where any of the morph mutations sit, or what is causing them or if they do anything beyond just change the color. Sometimes color mutations are the result of malfunctions in enzymes. For charcoal specifically, we don't know what the mutation does, besides what we can observe on the outside- the birds have half or less the lifespan of normal birds, poor feather quality, and the hens are sterile. Is the sterility harmless like it is in some hybrid animals, or is it actually a major organ failing? Is it the only major organ that fails due to this mutation, or is it just the first sign of their shortened lives? Is it some deficiency in something the birds need to be healthy? Does it hurt the bird? We don't know, but we do know the mutation and the problems (multiple, please do NOT forget that this is one OF MORE THAN ONE problems) can't be separated, and so until we do know why and whether it's harmless or not, the ONLY ethical response to seeing a problem in a major organ's function linked inextricably to a mutation in color is to not propagate that mutation. If someone wanted to fork over the millions it takes to sequence and map genomes and then determine exactly what is going on with peafowl, that would be nice and good, but I don't see that happening. When I win the lottery big, I'll be doing it, but til then we can only follow normal breeding guidelines

Also, to put this into perspective... peafowl mature sexually around 3 years old. They are chicks until the turn of the new year following their hatch. They are yearlings that year, and immature 2yo next year. They aren't actually considered fully grown until 6 years old, and should live another 14+ years. Charcoal birds die a 1-3 years after full maturity. Is it a coincidence that they fail to thrive shortly after full sexual maturity, or is it linked? Again, we don't know. We don't know if the sterility is fine or if it's just a symptom of something worse.

Even without the sterility, though, charcoal has enough issues it would be unethical. If it was JUST sterility, with no other deleterious effects, then maybe it would be different. But it's not.

[kitthepurplepotato]

MWRMI part 5

My Weird Roommate, Midoriya Izuku

Week 3 Part 1 - Reality Check.

~•🥦•~

Summary: Living with pro hero Deku was too good to be true; when Midoriya doesn’t come home one night, Y/N realizes how painful it is to love the Number One Hero.

Warnings: Injured Deku, swear words, a hint of angst.

First part Master List

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

After having Midoriya around you for a whole day the house feels cold and strange without the green haired nerd. Your moping got to a point when even All Meowt felt sorry enough for you to come out and keep you company so needless to say, you definitely look pathetic right now.

Sometimes, when the urge to see your flatmate got unbearable you messaged him about stupid things; random hero fun facts, fan arts, screenshots, a picture of you cooking his favorite meal and for your surprise, Midoriya responded to all of them.

After a while he also started to send you random pictures about his patrol; sometimes it was just a lovely picture of the sunset but sometimes they were grimy and disgusting; pictures of his injuries or a selfie of Midoriya with a massive black eye. Usually, by the time the greenette came home the injuries were gone thanks to the amazing healer guy they have on their team, but that doesn’t make it easier to see him like that. Being close to a hero isn’t a fucking dream, it’s more like a nightmare. You never know when it’s the last time you see him and you can never sleep soundly until you hear the door open; what if he ends up in a hospital and no one informs you? What if he comes home thinking he’s all okay but there is an internal bleeding killing him slowly while he sleeps?

Yeah, being close to heroes suck.

But let’s come back to the present now; to the present that’s also not so pleasant.

You wake up in the middle of the night to a notification on your phone; you dozed off on the table again while working on another project. The notification almost makes you throw up; it’s an article about a massive fight in the middle of the city, not too far away from your current home. You turn on the TV as the article states it’s being aired live; you can see pro hero Deku, barely standing on the sidelines while the rest of his team finishes the work in the middle. Dynamight manages to catch the last villain, so technically the heroes won, but you can’t help the tears trailing down your cheeks from seeing your friend wobbling to the nearest emergency station before passing out in the nurse’s arms.

You try to keep calm but you can’t stop yourself from sending him a message.

You: Please send me a message when you wake up, Midoriya!

Just as you expected, there is no response coming back. Fuck.

Thankfully, All Meowth graces you with his existence and lets you pet his fluffy little head. What a supportive little animal.

After a few dreadful minutes; 40, to be exact, there is a notification on your phone.

Midoriya: ….!hehdgeuehdbgenevrm

Midoriya: I!m oksbdgeb

Midoriya: fuxk

Midoriya: Hey Freeloader, stop freaking the shit out, I’ll bring him home as soon as he’s coherent. Make him some soup or some shit, the fucker didn’t take a break today. I’m also hungry by the way and I deserve a fucking serving.”

You don’t need to think twice to know who wrote that message. You sigh and take a deep, shaky breath.

He’s fine. He’s coming home.

~•🥦•~

“We’re home!” Dynamight’s loud and hoarse voice breaks through the silence.

In any other situation, you would probably take five to ten minutes to fangirl over the fact that Dynamight is here; he might be rough and abrasive towards everyone but his good looks and heroic deeds still managed to take him to the second place on the hero rankings; but right now, you can only see the green haired man who’s holding into his shoulders like he can’t even stand straight without help.

“Midoriya…” You run through the living room to check up on him but Dynamight puts his arms out to stop you in your tracks.

“He’s high.” He declares. “Our healer’s quirk likes to kick you in the ass when it’s overused. He’s not aware of his surroundings, so don’t even bother.” The blonde hero rolls his eyes and makes his way towards the kitchen, the greenette limping after him, still holding the guy’s shoulder like a lifeline.

“Izuku, we are going to eat and then you are going to bed, okay?” Dynamight pushes Izuku’s chin up to force eye contact; he speaks to him with a soft, reassuring voice like he’s a random toddler he found on the street. They sit down next to each other on the dining table then Izuku nods but doesn’t move towards his food; the blonde sighs and takes the spoon in his hand. “Open your fucking mouth, you big baby!” Dynamight screams at the clearly high greenette, who obeys without hesitation.

… it’s 5 fucking AM and here you are, staring at motherfucking Dynamight force feeding pro hero Deku with your soup at your fucking dining table.

This fanfiction got really weird, really quickly.

“Where is Y/N?” Izuku speaks up after gaining some color in his cheeks. You perk up at the sound of your name but you decide not to get involved in their conversation.

“She’s literally sitting opposite of you, you dump fuck.” The blonde grumbles, clearly fucking done with the situation.

“Is she okay?”

This is such a Midoriya thing to do that you can’t help but smile; the guy comes home after almost dying on the battlefield yet his first coherent question is about someone else’s wellbeing.

“No, she’s probably scarred for life after seeing me feeding you, to be honest.”

Well, what were you expecting from Dynamight, sugar coating? Nah.

“No…” Midoriya’s voice trembles. You really want to hug him. “I don’t want her to be mad. I don’t want her to leave!”

Fuck, your face is wet. You never ever want to see that look on Midoriya’s face, it’s absolutely heartbreaking.

“She’s not going anywhere you moron. She made this soup for you, so eat it.” Dynamight grumbles at him again, but Deku only smiles at him.

“What the fuck are you smiling at me for?” The blonde is clearly not a big fan of affection, his face contorts into a frown from all the cheesiness.

“Y/N’s soup is even better than yours.” The greenette answers with a lovesick smile on his face but apparently, this wasn’t the right thing to say as the blonde’s face heats up in anger.

“Now take that back you asshole or I’ll push this spoon down your fucking throat.” Dynamight looks like he’s about to explode but Deku is clearly unaffected by the empty threat.

“No, Kacchan is mad.” Midoriya’s shit eating grin is so huge it can probably be seen from the top of Mt.Fuji. The blonde decides he’s done with Deku’s shenanigans and literally throws the guy into his bedroom without a single warning. He comes out after five minutes and sits down on the sofa; he holds his hand out and stares at you until you put one and two together.

Ahh, he’s asking for food.

“I really wanted to hug him before he goes to sleep.” You reprimand as you make your way to the sofa with a big bowl of soup. You made a special batch for the spice loving blonde as a thank you. Dynamight rolls his eyes and nods approvingly at the taste.

“I don’t want to listen to him bitching about embarrassing himself in front of you again. For some fucking reason he really cares about shit like that when it comes to you.” Bakugou answers nonchalantly, like you’ve known each other for ages and this isn’t your first ever conversation. After seeing your confused face, he elaborates on the topic. “He won’t remember you being with us because I didn’t let him look at you. He’ll wake up tomorrow thinking you were fast asleep and he won’t beat himself up about it.”

“So long story short, you being an asshole is all an act and you are actually more like a protective big brother.” You poke at the sleeping bear, but for your surprise, he doesn’t get offended by you seeing through him.

Okay. This is new. This is not how people portray Bakugou in their fanfictions.

“We are all family. We support each other. Being a hero is a lonely job so if we are not there for each other no one ever will ever be.” The blonde answers with a straight face but his voice gets melancholic by the end of his sentence.

You don’t know what to say to that. You understand the sentiment but at the same you can’t help but wonder how the fuck is the pain not worth it. These people; both Midoriya and Bakugou; are the most protecting, most loving people you’ve ever met in your life. They are loyal to a fault and they go out of their way to make their loved ones feel safe.

“You guys deserve the fucking world and some blood and the lack and of contact during missions won’t change my mind about that. This night was the worst day of my life but I would do it over and over again if it means I can stay close to him, because he’s worth it.”

You definitely overshared a bit, but by the look of it, Bakugou doesn’t care nor comments on it.

“You are different than the rest.” He mumbles, playing with a piece of meat at the bottom of the almost empty bowl.

“Different?”

“Yeah. I didn’t like this whole roomie idea, you know.” He admits. “It’s dangerous, even with a mutual friend. A lot of people tried to use him and he’s so fucking naive. But I can see it in your eyes, you know… That you care about him. And he also can’t shut up about you, so.. welcome to the family, or whatever. Also, gimme’ your phone number so I can update you on all the shit so you don’t freak out.” Bakugou throws his unlocked phone into your lap; his background is a picture of the gang sitting on each other on Deku’s sofa. He’s so cute.

“Thank you… for accepting me. It means a lot.” You mumble sheepishly, your whole face red as a tomato. Bakugou snaps his phone out of your hands and throws it in the air to catch it, just to be cool and edgy.

“Save the cheesy shit for the nerd, Freeloader.” The blonde grins. “Make sure he sleeps enough. He’ll be good as new by the afternoon.” Dynamight stands up to put the dishes into the dishwasher. “Thanks for the food, send me the recipe.”

And with that, the hero is gone and the the silence is back; you lie down on the sofa and listen to the noises coming from Deku’s room, but after a few rustles, everything quiets down and only the soft, content snores can be heard from the room next door.

You fall asleep on the sofa, not having the energy to go into your room; at least you will be there in case Midoriya needs help during the night.

~•🥦•~

You wake up to Midoriya’s footsteps around 9 AM; barely a few hours after he came home last night. He looks disheveled and confused as he tries to put on his hero costume.

“Midoriya… go to sleep.” You pull yourself up; the hero jumps in surprise by the sight of you. “How do you want to fight evil if you can’t even sense me sleeping on the sofa, huh?”

You know that’s a low blow, but you’d do anything to keep the hero from going out today. He needs to stay home and you also need him to rest for your own sanity. He looks pale and all over the place, there is no way you’ll let him go out like that.

“Y/N, I’m fine. I can’t skip work…” Midoriya is just about to start rambling about the importance of his job, but you don’t let him finish. You throw your phone towards him which he catches in one swift move.

“Read it.”

Dynamight: Yo, freeloader. Tell Deku he’s not needed today. I found cover for him. If he leaves the house I’ll kill him.

“How does he know your number?”

Fuck, you didn’t think this through. Midoriya is not supposed to know about yesterday.

“He left a note with his number on the table, so I sent him a message.” You lie, feeling terrible for doing so but it’s all for his sake.

Deku doesn’t say anything just sits down next you; his face looks sad and heartbroken, but he doesn’t say a word about it. You really want to hug him but you are not sure it would be appreciated right now.

“Mido…” You are just about speak up, but he doesn’t let you finish.

“You are lying to me.” He declares with a heartbroken smile. He knows. He doesn’t remember but he’s a clever guy and you are a terrible liar.

“Not all lies are bad. Sometimes, people lie for the sake of their loved ones.”

“I also lied.” Midoriya admits. “About me being okay. I’m really tired. Mentally. Physically. In every single way.”

“I know.“ You can’t help it; your hands move towards Midoriya’s frizzy curls. Midoriya melts into the touch, clearly desperate for affection now that the air is clean between you two. “Put your head into my lap and let’s watch a movie, okay?” That way he can fall asleep and you can keep an eye on him for the rest of the day. Win-Win.

~•🥦•~

As the movie starts, the two of you fall into a comfortable silence. It’s a dumb and fluffy movie, something that takes his mind away from all the violence in the real world. Midoriya’s hair is full of knots under your palm, so you slowly rake your fingers through the mess, detangling it lock by lock as the green haired hero contentedly sighs, urging you to keep going. It’s way too domestic and way too intimate but you can’t stop; Midoriya clearly needs the attention right now, he’s melting into your touch, his cheek buried into the soft throw that sits between your things and his head for more comfort.

When the movie ends, you realize you didn’t even look at the screen once but neither did Midoriya; he’s fast asleep on your lap, drooling like a golden retriever after a full day of fun. You try to clean him up a bit but he’s not having any of it; he murmurs in his sleep and takes your hand in his, subconsciously caressing the skin. A shiver goes down your spine from the soft touch, churning your insides with it, but you don’t have the heart to wake him up.

Midoriya is too much. He’s so kind, so beautiful, so affectionate, and so-so full of love; you can’t believe you are on the receptive side of all of this. You really feel like you don’t deserve Midoriya’s attention and deep inside you know it doesn’t mean the same to him as it means to you but right here, right now, you let it all in, ready for the biggest heartbreak in your life when this is all over.

~•🥦•~

You wake up after a few hours, still in the same position. Midoriya’s now flawlessly fluffy head is still resting in your lap but he’s facing the other way around; he looks up at you with sleepy eyes, a tired but honest smile decorating his handsome face.

“Good morning, sweet pea.” He mumbles half asleep, hiding his face in your tummy for a few more seconds of peace.

The nickname almost makes your heart stop, but you try your best to ignore the fluttery feeling in your chest.

“I’m quite sure it’s afternoon.” You strike back with a sass, which the green haired hero blissfully ignores.

“Whatever. It’s nice.”

“Yeah.” You admit with a red face, and this is the moment Dynamight chooses to barge into the flat with a bunch of other people behind him.

Okay, this is extremely awkward.

Do these people know how to knock?!

“THE MIDORIYA CHEERING UP SQUAD HAS ARRIVED!” Chargebolt yells while the others hide their faces in embarrassment.

“By the look of it, shitty Deku has a good enough time already.” Dynamight snickers and Deku jumps up like a happy puppy to forcefully hug the shit out of the annoyed blonde. While everyone is busy staring at the two hugging each other, you take a moment to take a look at the intruders; every single of these people are heroes you follow on every single available social media.

Don’t freak out.

Don’t. Freak. Out.

Don’t…

“OH MY GOD, THATS RED RIOT THAT’S FUCKING RED RIOT, Midoriya!”

Fuck.

… Next Part!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Random ramble from the potato:

- Thank you so much for all the love on this series I'm so happy you love it as much as I do, this is baby😭💚

- Also, you are not ready for the next part! Ask my bestie, she has a lot to say about it. 😂 @porusuniverse

- I accidentally bought a Deku figurine today. And a Todoroki one. It was an accident, I swear. Kacchan was lonely, he needed a friend.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated as always 💚 Tell me your thoughts! 🥦

Taglist: @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo (wanna be added? Just tell me in the comments/send me a message!)

[amourdivine]

𝐀 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃.

Hello, my loves. I hope you're all doing wonderfully well. Although this pick a card was not the #1 winner in my most recent poll, I know that many people here are excited to build a family, so I decided to provide something fun for you! I hope you enjoy it & please don’t forget to provide feedback, if you will; If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

how to choose your pile.  take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. which pile sparks a feeling inside you? which pile gives you a strong memory or calls out to you the most? take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

♡ ♡ ♡ personal readings are available. click here to know more!

♡ ♡ ♡     pick a card masterlist & information.

disclaimer. none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise! this is a general reading for entertainment purposes. tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. please remember you are responsible for life and in power of it.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑶𝑵𝑬.

strength | the star | king of wands

Hello, pile one! I’m not sure if it’s just my mind, but I keep seeing a lot of colors for this pile, especially primary colors, so it’s possible that you might have this child with an LGBTQ+ person and/or be LGBTQ+ yourself! I also saw a lot of crayons even before shuffling, so I think your kid will definitely be a very artistic type. A lot of messages came through even before I shuffled, so I think this kid is absolutely ecstatic about being a part of your family as your child.

This child is going to be very, very feisty and funny. They might be a bit of a tomboy or just a bit “rough” around the edges, but they’ll be very protective over you and their family as well. You could be a parent twice or more, so I don’t think this will be your only child, but definitely the eldest. Also, if you decide to have any pets at the time, they’ll probably want to do and know everything. Your future child’s asking you not to get frustrated when they ask you a bunch of questions about the world, pile one. They really wanted to get that across before moving on with the other messages, because they might be the type of super sensitive and feisty kid - very in touch with their emotions and they easily get hurt by words, but they have a very big and forgiving nature. Also, they’re asking you not to be overprotective, since they’re your first child, they want you to give them independence and autonomy slowly. Remember what I said about the pet? Yeah, they want to learn how to do things and they’ll watch you a lot in secret. Perhaps you’ll be up one morning and when you’re about to feed the cat, you’ve noticed that your kid’s already pouring the food onto the cat’s bowl. That’s adorable!

Something here tells me they might have fights and I can see a kid pushing another off the playground, but your kid will not start them per se. They seem very short-tempered and I can almost hear a little voice in my head going “they started it!” because your child might be very protective over others, especially animals. Also, right off the bat, they’re apologizing for coloring the walls with crayons? Not sure if that’ll resonate for all of you, but if it does, please come back to let me know! 

Also, if your child’s a little boy, your second child will be a little girl or vice versa. I can picture a little boy looking after a little girl in these cards, almost like one of them is playing and the other one’s making sure they don’t stray too far. I can’t say much about the other children, but this child will be your first and I doubt it’ll be the only! They’re so giggly, they might love it when you do a funny face or style their hair in a unique way. Also, this kid might be a bit eccentric like the artist they are - they could draw little monsters everywhere and love playing with makeup or looks regardless of their gender. They’ll brighten up your world and love you unconditionally, pile one. By the way, I had a lot of trouble spelling the words and since I’m channeling your future child’s message, I think they’ll ramble a lot and possibly mix up words at first. They’re really asking me to emphasize how loved you’ll be, in a way you have never ever felt before. This child is also urging me to tell you to take care of yourself physically and emotionally, but they also want you to promise that you’ll stay safe for them. They really love you so much, pile one. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

additional messages & signs: 333, pluto, leo and aquarius season, august, collecting beach shells, ginger or light blonde hair, freckles, tooth fairy, book quotes, “you can be a fighter”, “tell me everything”, “who did this to you?”, chocolate chip cookies, rainbows, lgbt parade.

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑻𝑾𝑶.

the fool | ace of swords | king of cups

Hello, pile two and welcome to your reading! While shuffling, I saw many cards related to Leo and other fire signs, but mostly Leo. I also heard “single parent,” so it’s possible you may raise this child on your own or become a single parent yourself. I love the freshness and boldness of this child. They may be a bit reckless and, well, foolish, since we have The Fool card here! But on a more in-depth interpretation, they seem unafraid and a bit of an airhead as well. They’re a bit brash and blunt with their words - may occasionally embarrass you in public, but all is done in good faith. They’re extremely pure and good-hearted, so it may surprise you that they’ll never grow out of that typical “naiveté” of a child’s, even well into their adult years.

This child may be born during the months of August or October, given the Leo and Libra signs I’ve gotten here. Although naive, they hold a lot of emotional wisdom and depth to them. They may be overlooked during their childhood years at school, perhaps their more extroverted and youthful nature can get them in trouble and make people underestimate or misunderstand them. However, they’re not a natural troublemaker or mischievous by any means. They’re quite witty and may have a knack for sarcasm or wordplay. Also, this kid looks like they’d be easily lost into books and works of fantasy. They have a wild imagination and it’s something they’re asking you to protect and cherish. This pile reminds me a little of pile number one, but with more maturity to them and emotional depth to them.

Despite looking like an airhead, they may actually be quite observant to the things other people don’t pay attention to. They may forget to do homework or the occasional house chores, but this child will be extremely emotionally sensitive - they may be the first to notice when one of their peers isn’t doing well or may use humor to lift other people’s mood, but this child may struggle with insecurity or confidence, deep down. They may feel they need to overperform in order to be cherished and loved, so they’re asking you to use plenty of words of affirmation to remind them how good they already are.

This child may have a bit of a dramatic flair to them as well, but like I mentioned earlier, it’s all in good nature. Do not joke about their feelings, though! Under this whimsical and dramatic nature, they take emotions very seriously. It’s quite an interesting juxtaposition - hence why I also feel that they may be misunderstood or taken for granted by their peers, at times. They may be neurodivergent and so, it’s important you check in on them. If this child is autistic, for example, allow them to take pride in these traits that make them different and unique. Also, you’ll learn a lot about the world through this child’s eyes. They have a very unique way of perceiving things. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

additional messages & signs: leo or sagittarius, pisces, scorpio, september, october, twitch streamer, video games, “you were born to stand out”, neurodivergent, adhd, autistic, fair, blunt, sensitive, quirky, lego house, marvel movies.

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑹𝑬𝑬.

seven of pentacles | knight of swords | eight of pentacles

Hello, pile number three! Welcome to your reading! Honestly, I had a little bit of a tough time shuffling for this pile, just because the messages and the overall feeling of it was so intense. They seem quite introverted and hardworking, like an old soul in a young body. It’s quite different from my previous piles, since this child holds a lot of seriousness and introversion to them, which is not actually a bad thing - they’re devoted to making you a proud parent.

They may tend to take things very seriously and to heart, however. Whatever you say to your child, they’ll take it to heart, so be careful with your words around them - it seems it can go either way. I get a bit of “middle sibling” energy from this, so they may tend to overwork themselves in order to gain people’s approval or excel in their studies to gain a sense of control. It reminds me a bit of Saturn and Capricorn as their overall concepts.

It breaks my heart a little because this child seems quite guarded. They may have a hard time opening up or simply feel that you’re too busy for them. Their main love language seems to be quality time and acts of service, so it’s important you take plenty of interest in their hobbies - no matter how “weird” or “quirky” they may seem to you, this child is very booksmart, even though sometimes they may come off as a “know it all,” they want to become resourceful and helpful, someone that you’re proud of in the long run. Aw, my heart.

Now, they may also be extremely competitive. I think they may partake in several extracurricular activities at school and become some kind of valedictorian during college. They’re reliable, trustworthy and quite solid. Although may be a bit of a wallflower as well, so be mindful when you engage with your kid, since they need their own time and may struggle with placing boundaries. This child is asking you to remind them that you’re the parent - not them, and they don’t need to have it all together. So no matter how many times they struggle with their perfectionism, it’s important you bring them back to their qualities and how worthy they are of everything.

They may also be naturally strict with themselves and have extremely high standards. They may get this from you, as well, if they witness you being harsh on yourself, they may become adept of this behavior since this child idolizes you a lot and may have troubles with their own self-image or self-worth outside of their achievements. Please remind them to have fun, a lot of it! Not everything has to be a task or a side hustle, and this message seems to apply to you as well. They acknowledge you’ve worked hard to build financial stability for them, but remember to bond emotionally with others and not pass these false beliefs onto your loved ones. Honestly, they’re a little bit of a “mini adult”, it reminds me a lot of the child character played by Dakota Fanning in “Uptown Girls,” especially the scenes in which she struggles with vulnerability and receiving affection. This is a very responsible kid, it warms my heart to know how much motivation they’ve got to succeed in life and to make you proud. They adore you so much. If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.com! xo. ♡

additional messages & signs: “why don’t you do something for yourself?”, capricorn, virgo, taurus, horseback riding, harvard, straight A’s, INTJ, ISTJ, good enough by lifehouse, “and now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good”, you’re on your own kid by taylor swift, "fear of being average"

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[lets-try-some-writing]

Okay, in regards to your Unicron is a parent to humans post, when you mention Unicron possessing an animal, I imagined a squirrel. Not some epic beast... I imagined the alien god of destruction sleeping at the center of the Earth as a squirrel.

But it fits. Squirrels are agents of chaos.

Squirrel runs into road, no one, not even the squirrel knows what's gonna happen. Squirrel gets under your vehicle's hood, chews the wires and makes a nest. Squirrel gets into the walls of your house, chews the wires and stores and insane amount of nuts. Squirrel gets cornered, jumps at you like a mad lad.

Could you imagine if Unicron just decided, "I'm a squirrel today and I'm going terrorize the Cybertronians and my brother can't even get mad cause chewing wires is what they do." Or "Hey, I'm a squirrel and travel-sized. I now shall nest in Raf's hair and protect the children this way."

Sorry this a wacked out thought that made me laugh, and felt compelled to share.

Dude I laughed for a solid minute reading this-

Agents of Chaos

After finding out about his surprise offspring, Unicron became protective immediately. But he quickly discovered several things, those being: He couldn't move or act all that much if he wanted to keep his spawn alive. His children quickly became fearful of anything that was abnormal to them. And lastly, fragging with the Cybertronians on his surface was far more enjoyable when there was nothing they could do to stop him.

With these thoughts in mind, Unicron devised the perfect avatar with which to protect, interact with, and care for his young while also making life difficult for everyone else and not drawing too much attention to himself. He searched the other organisms on his surface for days until he found it, the perfect avatar.

The squirrel.

It was chaos incarnate but so common in most places that it would fit right in even if Unicron used it for nefarious purposes. His chackling caused the earth to shake in places as he chose his first subject and took control of it. And while he did have some initial issues piloting the body of the small monster, he quickly got the hang of it and moved to meet the three among his many children who required his attention more so than any others.

Opting to go to Rafael, Unicron in the body of the squirrel quickly took up a place in the boy's arms, earning him a startled squeak and awed touches in response. Unicron chittered, oh so pleased with himself as he spent days refusing to leave Rafael alone, eventually gaining his avatar a place as the boy's pet, just like he planned. Then once he gained a solid foundation from which to work with, his avatar, now named Chitters, snuck into Rafael's school bag and snuck into the base that way.

Rafael was too busy working on his homework and chatting with his Cybertronian guardian to notice as Chitters wormed his way out of the bag and Unicron directed it to begin causing chaos. Unicron didn't want to totally sabotage the Cybertronians who called themselves Autobots, not while they were keeping his children safe. So he didn't direct Chitters to harm anything of importance, but he most certainly did go out of his way to make life hard for everyone. The squirrel quickly gained the ire of the entire team as Chitters tore into wires connecting to certain consoles in the base (never the groundbridge of course. Unicron couldn't risk harming his children after all). Chitters also stole small components from Ratchet's workspace and a few of Bumblebee's video games.

By the end of the day Chitters was banned from base and Rafael took him home with no small amount of guilt. Of course no matter what Rafael did to try and keep Chitters from getting into base, it was useless since Chitters snuck in by hiding on Jack and Miko of by straight up waltzing into the base via Unicron's aid. The abominable squirrel swiftly became an unstoppable pain in the aft that none of the team could do anything about and accepted since the squirrel kept coming back.

Optimus eventually accepted that he was being cursed and merely sighed when his datapads disappeared randomly only to be found later bitten to shreds by a determined squirrel. Ratchet however never gave up trying to hide his small items and tools, even when they were repeatedly found and stolen by Chitters at Unicron's behest. Arcee stopped fighting back when Chitters clambered all over her and gnawed on her outer plating like an irritating but ultimately harmless scraplet. Bulkhead and Wheeljack took to booking it in the opposite direction whenever the "demon squirrel" came near. Unicron abused their reactions until he laughed himself into a stupor, even more so when the two wreckers began carrying tower shields to try and fend the Chitters off. Bumblebee valiantly tried and failed to keep Chitters from destroying his video game controllers and very nearly crushed the squirrel in outrage after the fifth time he had to replace his controller.

Bumblebee: YOU DETESTIBlE VERMIN!

Chitters/Unicron: *destroying yet another controller* This is what you deserve you abominable creation of Primus!

Bumblebee: *chasing after the squirrel* PERISH!

Chitters/Unicron: MWAhAHA!

Every single member of the team hated the squirrel with a seething passion. At times Optimus, usually ever merciful, contemplated taking the squirrel out back and putting it down in the most gruesome way possible. His contemplative thoughts nearly became reality once when Chitters got into his personal datapads that he usually kept hidden away. Those were his only remaining items from his time as Orion and he may or may not have blasted much of the wall into scrap as he widely shot at the squirrel. That day Unicron learned Optimus's limits and he did not touch the Prime's personal items again. He wanted to cause chaos, but he didn't want to earn the true ire of Primus's chosen vessel.

The team hated Chitters and the children knew it. So eventually Rafael tried in vain to let the squirrel go for the sanity of everyone. Long story short, he failed. No matter what he did, Chitters always came back and nestled in his hair like an unwelcome louse. Unicron wasn't upset in the slightest at the children gathering together to try and attempt to get rid of his avatar. In fact he found it to be a fun game to find a way to sneak his avatar back into the Autobot base.

Of course not everything was fun and games for the chaos god, though he greatly enjoyed messing with the Autobots. The Decepticons were a real threat, one that loomed over the children every time they left base. As such Chitters followed the children whenever they left and proved to be far more dangerous than anything else out there once the squirrel got on a Decepticon. Unicron would not tolerate anyone touching HIS children, especially not a disgusting spawn of Primus.

Vehicons that got too close found a rapid squirrel in their joints, tearing away at cables and wiring while somehow managing to not be squished as the Cybertronian flailed. Starscream was met with a rapid squirrel to the windshield once when he attempted to bomb Bulkhead, and simultaneously the children. The seeker ended up crashing into a wall and very nearly being blown to bits. Knockout got scratched one time by Chitters and swore off touching the children ever again. Soundwave straight up avoided the squirrel and didn't bother with the human children upon seeing what Chitters could do. Breakdown once tried to squish the squirrel, but no matter how many times he attempted to, Chitters got back up and tried to maul him. Megatron very nearly got his optics destroyed once when he got too close to the children and has since put out a kill on sight order for the rapid avatar of Unicron (not that any heed it).

Seeing all this the team were suspicious as pit in regards to the squirrel. Ratchet tried to drop a weight on the squirrel only for it to bounce off harmlessly, earning awed and shocked expressions from the medic. Bulkhead and Wheeljack attempted to blast Chitters with a flamethrower only for the squirrel to brush it off and continue onward and chase the wrecker duo who screamed like human girls. Bumblebee made his own attempts to murder the avatar through various means ranging from but not limited to sniping, acid, drowning, crushing, and even suffocation. But nothing ever worked and in the end after months of enduring Chitters, Optimus knelt before the squirrel, glared at it, and ordered Unicron to get the hell out of his base until he behaved.

The chaos god obliged, not even hesitating after he very nearly sent the Prime into a rage when he touched his datapads. A few days later he returned and nestled in Rafael's hair again.

Optimus knew that Chitters was an avatar and the rest of the team sensed something else was off, but they never commented and focused their efforts on what needed to be done. They only really attempted to kill Chitters when they devised a new potential method of extermination. At which point they would try it out on Chitters just to see if it would work or not (which it never did).

[casperatu]

๋࣭ ⭑⚝ oc deep dive : casper

(hello it's been a minute since i wrote anything about my girl or at all so thank you for tagging me @kavalyera !!)

what common/uncommon fear do they have?

the most primal (and least sensible now) fear casper has is of deep water. not something she's had to deal with in a long time, but a near-death experience in her teens left her with a lingering dread of the ocean. it's not like it could even hurt her anymore. she doesn't need to breathe, she can't drown, but that almost makes it worse, doesn't it? another riptide takes her out to sea, drags her so far out and down that all she can do is wander the ocean floor, starving in the dark with all the glowing things. it's the only thing she's more afraid of than abandonment.

do they have any pet peeves?

superiority complexes and people who refuse to get to their point. yes, this does make a good deal of other vampires deeply annoying.

what are three items you can find in their bedroom?

first off, let's just take our hats off for my newly-homeless girl and have a moment of silence for the haven she had to leave behind last chronicle. she may never have the dumb luck of finding a house with an interior bedroom again.

first thing you'd have to notice in her room is the absurd amount of gaming equipment stuffed inside it, its centerpiece being an absolutely monstrous PC rig she'd been maintaining for the better part of five years. she never bothered trying to make it aesthetically pleasing. ugly was fine as long as it was fast. half the bit maintained on her socials was how cobbled together it was, like some midpoint in serial experiments lain just short of installing coolant towers in her walls.

going with the gaming equipment, loads of even more highly illegal materials for a nos to have in most other domains -- top-notch webcam, lighting rigs, mics, even a couple of lovingly polished youtube milestone plaques.

an utterly chaotic closet and vanity situation just out of view of the cameras, the center of this being her wig collection. casper's accepted a lot about her appearance, but she never seems to come to terms with the baldness. she keeps over a dozen wigs, all in pristine condition, maintained to perfection -- not a tangle in sight and any cheap gloss styled away from the moment it left the bag.

what do they notice first in a person?

casper's learned to check for the little microexpressions in people on meeting her, especially when they see her without one of her disguises on. shock, fear, even pity she can accept, but she'll try a lot less to be polite if she sniffs out contempt or disgust. when watching someone from a distance she's looking at fashion sense, how they carry themselves, confidence or lack.

on a scale of 1-10, what is their pain tolerance?

5-6 for physical pain, but she's lived a pretty sheltered life compared to a less privileged neonate and hasn't encountered a lot of it yet. emotionally she's probably a 4 -- she can take it in the moment most of the time but there's almost guaranteed to be a crash-out later.

do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? (or fawn and freeze)

growing comfort with the fight response, but she tends toward fawning, especially when a fight seems stupid or someone else is in danger. vacillates between fight and freeze in one malkavian's case.

what animal best represents them?

snake feels too obvious an answer when she's literally a snake/bat girl, but she's clever and sneaky and loves to bite when provoked <3

how would a stranger describe them?

"oh right, the scrawny yappy girl in the huge coat with that bodyguard hanging over her shoulder all the time. jesus, when she took that thing off there was nothing to her, you could count her ribs through her shirt. nice enough, though, almost too nice, kept plying me with questions and the whole time that guy she's with kept staring into my soul. plus i think i saw something moving under her wig? alaska vampires, man."

do they have any hobbies?

gaming and animation don't really count since they're her full-time job, do they? oh god, does she not have any non-monetized hobbies? my poor girl's been on her grindset far too long.

(i've seen so many mutuals either posting or tagged in this that i'm not sure who's left so consider this an Everyone Who Wants To invitation <333)

[okaylorrainee]

her way of water

characters. neteyam & female reader. sully family. tsireya.

synopsis. neteyam and his family left their clan to seek uturu from yours. on their first night, neteyam wanders by the shore to clear his mind. he finds himself away from everyone’s marui pods and comes across you as you bathed - he couldn’t get you out of his mind since then.

note. happy valentines! little disclaimer, the fishes and creatures mentioned in this chapter do not exist in avatar. i haven't read the comics so i have no idea if there are other water creatures in pandora aside from the ones in the movie. that's why i just made some up :) i didn't name any of them and they won't hold any importance in the future chapters so don't worry. also, there's not much dialogue in this chapter bcus they’re underwater. sorry bout that.

taglist. @rainbowsocks @mashiromochi @anm3mi @fanboyluvr @anxietydrogz @sakura-onesan @amortencjja @kaealowri @jkeluv @xxlaynaxx

ch 05 [ previous . masterlist . next ]

“here is far enough for the ilu. we have to swim from this point.”

neteyam nodded and followed when you dismounted the animal. you were murmuring to your companion while he was petting his, and then the ilus swam away. neteyam watched as they disappeared somewhere. would the ilus hear them if they called later on? he pondered for a while.

“are you ready? you have to hold your breath for longer now. this is not going to be one of those breathing exercises that baby you.” you raised your brows at him, “we cannot keep going back up for air.”

he nodded once more. “yes, ma’am. do not worry about me.”

you sent him an amused look. ma’am? no one has called you that before. “but if you really need to, i will find a gill mantle for you. there should be plenty around.”

“gill mantle? what is that?”

you patted his shoulder. “stay close to me.” tightening your grip on your spear, you deeply inhaled air and dove without further explanation. you felt the waves collide with your body when neteyam came after you. 

swimming further down, you came across various schools of fishes. seaweeds danced with the water below you and there were a few rock structures in the area. small bubbles would form from you every now and then, but none of that mattered because this was just the beginning, the easy part of the journey. you still had hours before your lungs would start to give out.

the same could not be said to the na’vi you were with though. you kept looking beside you to check if he was still doing fine. sure, he was responsible for himself because he offered in the first place, but still, you felt like you had the obligation to take care of him. you wouldn’t know what would become of you if something happened to him after all.

it was impressive to you how neteyam was able to swim minutes without going back up for oxygen. his weeks of practice while you avoided him must’ve been fruitful if he came with a result like this. did he follow what you’ve shown him before and practiced the pressure technique with ao’nung? probably. you were kind of proud.

even so, you couldn’t help but to worry. you were deep underwater, and if neteyam really couldn’t take it anymore, it would be difficult to swim back up.

you patted his shoulder to grab his attention. you signed, ‘stop. wait here.’, and he gave you a confused look, but he obeyed anyway.

you swam quickly in search for a certain little creature to help extend neteyam’s time underwater. it didn’t take long for you to find some as they were swimming in groups on the way to somewhere. you carefully grabbed one and gently held it as you swam back to where you left neteyam.

he was in the middle of everything - the seaweeds, rocks, and fishes. he was watching everything around him, and his face was slightly scrunched; it looked like he was about to reach his limit and that he was only trying to distract himself by taking everything in. thankfully, you took a gill mantle in advance. he didn’t need to suffer longer.

neteyam saw you approach him, and he felt his worries wash away. once he saw what was in your hands, what you said earlier made sense to him. he wondered how it would be able to help him though. 

as you swam to get closer to him, your eyes caught sight of something swimming rapidly towards neteyam. your heart stopped in panic, and neteyam saw the change in your expression. before he could turn around to see what you were looking at, neteyam was confronted by your spear that stabbed through the water at immense speed, as if it ignored the pressure and was only flying through the air.

his eyes grew wide as the spear went past him, stabbing whatever was behind him and creating a cloud of red underwater. the blood found its way to neteyam’s nose, and even if he couldn’t smell, its consistency surprised him so much he began coughing. 

you rushed beside him, and through the bubbles he released, you carefully grabbed his queue and made it connect with the gill mantle you were holding.

a worried expression displayed on your face as you placed an arm on his chest whilst holding his lower back. you watched how he slowly started calming down, how his muscles began relaxing.

neteyam returned an astonished look to you as he felt the tightness of his chest disappear every second. when you pulled away, he attempted to feel the gill mantle from his shoulder. what an amazing creature. he thought.

‘you okay?’ you signed to him. he nodded, a little happy at your concern, and signed back ‘thank you.’

you gave him a small smile before swimming down. he watched as you went to the large fish that tried to attack him earlier. it was now dead, and your spear was still penetrating through it. neteyam curiously observed you when you gently took the large fish in your hands and moved it closer to yourself as if you were attempting to embrace it. 

with your eyes closed, you chanted a little prayer in your head, one that was part of your rituals whenever you hunted. when you finished, you took back your spear and wasted no time in swimming back to neteyam’s side.

‘let’s go.’ you told him.

neteyam nodded, and his eyes went to your spear. you threw it at such a speed, and that meant you held great strength. he believed you now when you said you could hunt on your own. you proved you were an impressive huntress.

the rest of the swim went well. no more breathing struggles, no more fishes that tried to attack you. neteyam took the opportunity to appreciate the beauty of the underwater, until finally when you tapped his shoulder again and signed that you had arrived.

in front of you was a cave that had an opening comparable to the height of the palm trees found in the shores of awa’atlu. the cave was surrounded by kelp, and it was dark inside where sunlight didn't reach. the underwater cave didn’t seem to be as deep and as spacious as neteyam had expected. it was pretty small, but it was huge enough for the giant creature neteyam caught sight of to live in.

how lucky. you thought with excitement. the creature was asleep unlike the last time you saw it when you came here. 

you tapped on neteyam’s shoulder once again and pointed to the small rock next to the creature. there sat the objective of your journey, multiple pearls shining from the small line of sunlight that found its way there. 

‘be careful.’ you signed, and he signed back, ‘i will’. exchanging nods, you swam side by side deeper into the cave. 

the environment was getting darker, and you became more anxious as you got closer to the creature. the first and last time you came here, you were lucky not to be spotted. hiding behind some rocks as you observed it swimming around, you were stealthy enough to swim away without catching its attention.

right now, it was asleep, but if it woke up and attacked you, what then? you were fine with your life wasting because of your recklessness, but you had brought toruk makto’s eldest son with you, one of the most important na’vi ever. you would slap yourself right now if you could. you should’ve just given him a simpler task, one that didn’t involve giant creatures that could eat you whole.

you looked at neteyam. it seemed like the man was a lot calmer than you were. when he sensed your gaze, he examined your features for a while and immediately felt your hesitation. he placed a hand on your shoulder, gently squeezing it as a gesture to reassure you. you softly smiled before focusing on the objective at hand again.

soon enough, you reached the rock successfully. so far, so good. you and neteyam admired the pearls in front of you because they were all shining so beautifully. you began taking some with your fingers, placing them carefully in your palm, while neteyam turned around to scout the area.

but neteyam couldn’t not even move another inch when he saw what was in front of him; a gigantic eye staring right back at him. the giant creature was awake this whole time.

you didn’t feel anything at first, and only when you noticed how neteyam froze did you discern that something was wrong. you hesitated to turn around. even without looking completely, you could already see what was staring back at you. 

this is it. neteyam.

a cough leaves your mouth from panic and neteyam was quick to cover your mouth to prevent water from entering further. neteyam immediately dragged you with him to exit the cave, and you couldn’t do anything but continue to lock eyes with the creature. 

what an eerie sight. neteyam thought, arms around your waist as he carried you with him. but how odd, it did not even bother to follow. maybe it isn’t hostile to na’vi?

suddenly, the creature began to squirm, and it caused intense waves of pressure to its surroundings. the rocks that formed from the cave began to crumble that your only exit was getting more difficult to reach. the vibration from the quake made the other fishes living in the cave hysteric that they all rushed to swim out. you were about to be trapped inside if you didn’t do anything. you refused to let that happen.

freeing yourself from neteyam, you switched your positions by grabbing his arm and dragging him to swim with you instead. you were faster than him after all. you swayed from side to side, avoiding the rocks that were falling down, not as fast as they would on land but quick enough to tire you gradually.

you were getting close to the exit, just a little more and you’d finally be free. a boulder showed up in front of you, and you took your spear at once, slashing it in an attempt to push it away. you were successful; however, your spear broke in half in the process. it was alright, you could make another one once you get back. escaping was more important now more than anything.

neteyam could only watch everything below him while you dragged him to the exit. he was overwhelmed by the number of fishes that frantically swam to leave the cave; the darkness they came from helped mask their locations so he couldn’t figure out where they’d be appearing from.

when a larger fish suddenly emerged right in front of him, neteyam was quick to jab it out of the way with his free hand. perhaps neteyam reeked of fish blood for the creatures, most likely because of the earlier incident with the first fish attack, because the larger fishes kept coming after him, curious as to why he smelled such a way.

you felt the entire thing happening because you were holding him. taking another ounce of what was left of your strength, you held neteyam by his shoulders and threw him to the opening of the cave, losing a few pearls in the process. neteyam watched you with wide eyes as you continued to fend off the larger fishes that were trying to get to him with your broken spear. 

no, this is not what he wanted. he clenched his jaw as he grabbed his hunting knife. with all his strength, neteyam swam to get to you as fast as he could. so far, this was the most effort he had done with swimming, and he regretted how he lacked skill in it even if it wasn’t his fault.

you started kicking the fishes that were trying to get through you because the spear you held became more of a nuisance than of help. it seemed like the largest one in the group had gone irritated by this when he went straight to you instead of neteyam. you saw it open its mouth, and its fangs were ready to bite flesh out of you. you closed your eyes, bracing yourself from the pain, but nothing happened.

when you opened your eyes, neteyam was in front of you, shielding you from the fish as he used his hunting knife to combat the animal’s teeth. it was much stronger than the ones before, and the fact that he had no land to step on to support himself against this battle of strength wasn’t helping him at all. neteyam had to punch the fish on its chin to get the upper hand. while it was stunned, he took the opportunity to slash the knife at its flesh, and the fish wriggled in pain as it swam away.

wasting no more time, you took neteyam by his arms again and dragged him out of the cave through the only exit that was near you. and then, the environment was lighter and wider again. finally, you had escaped the cave.

neteyam moved to embrace you with his arms, and you let him. he was relieved that you were safe. you stayed in each other's arms as both of your adrenaline started dying down. you peeked at the cave while resting your cheek on his shoulder, wondering if the giant creature had survived all this chaos.

–

your journey back home was quiet because you were both drained of energy. you couldn’t even ride your ilu anymore and had to ride with neteyam on his, your companion could only swim beside you.

neteyam was both impressed and scared of how you had held your breath underwater for the whole duration of everything that just happened. he thought rotxo was exaggerating when he claimed you could live underwater if you chose to, but he was proven wrong. after all, he witnessed it himself how you never went back up for air since the moment you dove underwater.

neteyam noticed how tired you became because of it though. it was also probably because of the number of fishes you had to fight off this time; he wished he could have helped more. he allowed you to lean on his back as he guided his ilu back to awa’atlu. thankfully, it still wasn’t dark out, and that meant it would be easier to get out of trouble.

soon enough, you reached the shores of the village. neteyam helped you get off of the ilu, and you both said goodbye to your companions before they swam away. 

because you were feeling limp and tired, neteyam volunteered to take you home. you didn’t have the energy to refuse so you let him support your body with his arms around your waist; you were leaning on him as you walked. you definitely caught some eyes as you made your way to your marui, but you were really too tired to care - you’d just find an explanation for it later. you’d hear some of them ask neteyam from time to time about what happened to you or where you both had been, but he’d always answer with a quiet smile and say you were out hunting with him.

when you reached your marui, neteyam gently placed you to where your blanket was then knelt beside you. “go rest now. i apologize we failed to obtain what we came there for.” the dejection was evident in his voice. “if i can, i will find another one for you when i go out to hunt again. so do not worry.”

you raised your fist near his face and slowly opened it, revealing three small pearls. a tired smile appears on your lips, “i managed to save some, neteyam. do not apologize anymore.”

from being surprised, his lips slowly formed a grin. “you…”

you laughed and moved to sit up. “thank you.” you put your arms around him and pulled him closer into a hug. “you have helped me get these pearls. i appreciate your efforts.”

he returned the embrace with a soft smile, slightly burying his face more into your neck. “it was quite scary, i admit. but you were very brave and amazing. you are truly the amazing swimmer they say you are.” 

you pulled away from him, chuckling at his praise. “and your breathing has improved a lot, neteyam. i am very impressed.”

“what can i say?” he huffed with confidence. “i am a mighty warrior, and i learned from the best.”

©️ okaylorrainee 2023. please do not re-upload, translate my content anywhere without permission.

ch 05 [ previous . masterlist . next ]

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Monday evening all :) Ewww an Ashley episode. Such a bummer after the last episode haha Not a ton of Chenford content but what we do get is good. There is a case involved but they're not in it enough to analyze anything. Oh also this ep is the intro of Chris so double eww. This episode is just one giant display of why Ashley and Chris aren't meant for either of them. But we knew that already didn't we? Let’s get started eh?

4x10 Heart Beat

Start our episode off with why Ashley isn’t right for Tim. Hit the ground running and the reasons are plentiful. First off Tim doesn’t even think to make Ashley anything. This is all for Kojo. Which I friggin love btw. The animal lover in me adores how spoiled Kojo is. Also imma need some more of this pup in S6. You hear me writers? I need this dog back. Ashley says she’s not a breakfast person but still the least romantic morning ever. They are very early in their dating period and its pretty tame. The way he moves around her. No intimacy at all. Avoiding her as he makes his way over to Kojo’s bowl.

Shows more affection towards his dog than her haha It’s the complete opposite of Tim and Lucy in 5x20. Where there is zero space, lots of touching, flirting and food to be had. Can't keep their hands off each other. The blahness that is Ashley is prominent in this opening scene. Also her judgy tone when she mentions that’s what he gets? If I was dating a man who took that good of care of his dog? I would be a goner. But this is Ashley so….

She is far too vapid for Tim. I looked up the definition of that word to reinforce my point. “Offering nothing that is stimulating or challenging.” If that isn’t the definition of their relationship and her as a character idk what is. Tim has found the very opposite from Lucy in Ashley. She is blah, doesn’t challenge him in any way and definitely doesn’t stimulate him whatsoever. All things he gets from Lucy. Interesting...Almost like he shouldn't be dating her....

She continues down her ‘Why she is wrong for Tim path' When she is afraid/doesn’t like Kojo. I already didn’t like her but this didn’t help her case. If I was dating someone and they didn’t like my dog?Goodbye sir. Twas fun while it lasted LOL Maybe it’s the protective dog person in me but I can not stand her first thought being ‘dangerous’ with Kojo. Just because he didn’t like her at first. Tim telling her he took him in cause Lucy couldn’t keep him.

He tries to help her adjust to him but she isn't about it. Just wants to leave. To me if my dog doesn’t like you that is far more telling than anything else IMO. Dogs have a good sense of people so this would’ve been telling to me as a dog owner. Ashley was already on my 'I don’t like you list.' But the not liking Kojo part plummets her to the very bottom…Also watching Tim with Kojo is ovary explosion for me. Way he pets him and loves on him. My heart. That's his kid.

We join our couple in their shop. Lucy asks how it’s going with Ashley? Tim says good but there was some weirdness this morning. Tim mentions he thinks she doesn’t like Kojo. Lucy’s reaction cracks me up. She could not be more telling when she says 'So you broke up with her? Thats too bad….I liked her…’ 'Lying liar. You know she was hoping he did. We all want that.

The way he loves that dog it actually would make sense. To Lucy as well her not liking Kojo is another strike against her anyways. It’s a valid response to anyone who is a pet owner really. Unfortunately we are stuck with her for a long while. Bleh. My dislike for her is very strong. Because she is everything he doesn’t need or want.

Tim says since when? Knowing she has never liked her. That Lucy had been giving him crap cause she’s a lifeguard ha I mean I can't say I blame her. I would too. Her sarcasm continuing with her reply. Fairly certain none of us considered it a career until Ashley came into the picture. Tim defends the training she had to go through. That it was rigorous training at the fire academy. Trying to make her job sound more prestigious than it is in just the name alone. Lucy doesn’t press it further and says my bad with a smile even though I think she is still secretly judging her LOL

Lucy has such a dog-mom moment here. I love it so very much. As she states his full name above LOL I bet you she has supplied that boy with many chew toys he’s destroyed. Makes me happy to think of Lucy going over to Tim's just to deliver treats and toys for their shared fur-child. Seriously going to need some couple moments with him in S6. It's a crime we haven't gotten them yet.

Lucy's transparency continues when she tells Tim 'Clearly Ashley has to go.' If only it was that easy. Saying it’s a moot point if she doesn’t like Kojo. Now anyone can see she isn’t right for him. The person who knows him the best? Can see it from a mile away the multiple reasons Ashley isn’t right for Tim. So might as well cut this off right now in her opinion. The look they share haha Even when talking about his relationship they are flirty af. So married in their disposition with one another. I love it. Also he's not really disagreeing with her...

Lucy ends up getting a phone call and it’s Ashley… She is confused but intrigued by this phone call. Idk how the hell she got her number. LOL Now you know Lucy is in love with Tim when she gives such solid advice to Ashley. It’s the way she talks about Kojo being like Tim. Girl is so gone for him. Something she continually tries to suppress this entire season. Like she is warding it off really.

Ashley tells her she likes Tim but she’s scared of his dog. Asking why she gave him away? Asking if he was too aggressive? Ugh I hate her animal ignorance so much. Maybe it’s because been I've been in dog world for over a decade but I cannot stand her going right to ‘aggressive.’ Lucy defends her boy says 'No! Not at all. He just wasn’t meant for her living situation.'

Lucy asks if she doesn’t like dogs? Secretly hoping she says yes heh Ashley tells she had a bad experience once. Lucy empathizes and says she gets it. Goes on to say Kojo is the sweetest guy. It’s here we see her switch over to gushing about Tim. It’s the way she’s looking at Tim in Grey’s office that gets me. As she explains how Kojo is just like Tim. Careful Lucy your feelings are showing.

He’s big, gruff, and a whole lot of bark but underneath is a sweetheart. I mean Tim is for HER. Let’s get that clear first. Tim is only soft for Lucy. I adore her helping out in this situation though. She didn't have to but it's Lucy. If Ashley could see how she was looking at Tim. She might feel a little threatened. Not only that but her deep knowledge of Tim. Might catch on she’s just the littlest bit in love with him lol But then 4x12 happens later on so.... How she didn’t break up with Tim after that display idk. So maybe she wouldn’t put 2 and 2 together.

I'm giving her too much credit haha Lucy speaks from a place of love about him. She probably has no idea how she is coming off but it's so obvious. Clearly not talking about Kojo in that tone. She loves that good boy but loves his owner more. Lucy tells her to talk to Tim about it. Ashley replies no that she’s not going to make him pick between her or his dog. That there is a whole genre of country songs about that. Before Lucy can defend Tim more or why she should Ashley cuts the convo off and says good night. Awkward…

It’s then we meet friggin Chris Sanford. *glares* The epitome of meh. Earlier in the ep they arrested young boy dealing drugs. He is one of James’s newest mentees. Lucy being the empathetic soul she is cites him out on a lower charge. That way he gets a fighting chance with James to turn his life around. Just has to attend his court date and such. Very kind thing of her to do for this young man.

He comes in like a mega douche. Instant dislike for his character for how he comes at Lucy. Trying to shame her for citing him out like she did. Calling her naive and basically being an absolute asshat. Lucy CRUSHES him in her reply above. I dislike Chris so very much so this was glorious to watch. Tim Bradford doesn’t stand a chance most days against her. You think your puny ass with 4 months of experience had a chance of winning that argument? What a putz…

Lucy catches Tim in the parking garage before he leaves. Ah this glorious place where all our wonderful moments occur. Lucy tells him it was Ashley who called her earlier. Gotta love how open she is with Tim always. As usual Lucy is toeing the line of personal boundaries with him. Possibly overstepping by bringing this up. But that’s kind of their thing.

Also like to note how telling it is that Ashley felt more comfortable coming to Lucy and not her BF about this. That she didn’t think he would listen to her but Lucy would. Because well she did. Lucy does get the other side of the story with Kojo. That is not a dislike but bad experience on her end. Which to be fair is valid when you’ve had a bad experience with a dog. Now that being said I still dislike so very much.

What I’m trying to get at here is Lucy interpreted this as Tim not fulling listening to Ashley’s concern. It’s not surprising Tim gets a little hard headed about things. Especially things he loves. So he’s instantly defensive about said things. I’m the same way. Lucy knows this about him. Which is why they’re having this conversation. So she can bring his attention to it in way only she can. Because Tim actually listens to Lucy. This scene really is more about their bond than his issue with Ashley. How Lucy is the only one who can ever get through to Tim. Her super power really.

He doesn’t listen to anyone the way he listens to Lucy. Especially when she is doling out advice for him. This is a kindness she is doing for him. Letting him know one his GF called her and two the reason behind it. That she is scared and he needs to listen to her about it. Tim shrugs it off like it’s nothing. Which you can see Lucy is a little taken aback with. How instantly shut off he is to this conversation. But like i said earlier he is defensive about things he loves. He LOVES that dog.

This is their dance with advice he is defensive or dismissive at first. Then it sinks in and he truly listens to what she is telling him. She may not like Ashley. (None of us do..) But she would be remiss not to share her opinion on this with him. Tim instead of thanking her for the advice deflects. Because well Tim. Asking why she is so invested in his love life? Asking with a little smile some sass in that question of his. Also gauging what her reaction will be. He is truly curious.

It is interesting how his love life is the only one she intercedes in. Not Nolan or any of his. She didn’t with Jackson for either of his love interests. Just Tim. Because that shows the level of importance this man has gained in her life. Saw some parallels to this moment and 2x03. When she was trying to pair Tim up with Rachel. How Lucy once again is involved in his love life. It’s true that she just wants him to be happy.

Also Tim’s interest in why she is interested in his love life is far different than 2x03. He didn’t question it then. Just thought it was apart of their bet. In S4 he is a lot more aware. Like I said in the last review their bond and their awareness of each other is far stronger than it was in S2. He is so genuinely curious why she is so invested in it?

They’ve had a lot of intimate moments and work flirts since 4x01. Tim can feel the shift that has happened between them. So it makes him curious why she is helping him like she is? Lucy does some deflecting of her own for his question. Saying she doesn’t want to drive around on patrol while he is moping around about this girl. He is so offended by her saying this it's so funny. That if he likes this girl he should listen to her. It’s funny all the things she’s telling him to do with Ashley he naturally does with her. Funny old world lol

Tim’s reply back cracks me up. Saying when has he ever moped? That he doesn’t even know how to. Oh but you do my love. You perfect it in S5. While you pine for her while she is still with Chris the putz. But ok sure you don’t know how. His eye roll is so damn funny Eric always crushes it when he does this. Her little Mmhmm as she walks away smirking. Has this man wrapped around her finger. She drives him insane and Tim absolutely loves it.

Tim follows through on Lucy’s advice and listens to Ashley’s fears. Really Lucy extended this relationship when it was destined to fail. But she cares so much about Tim and his happiness she gave him solid advice. This bit made me chuckle. Saying Kojo needs to be bossed around a little to listen. heh. Just like daddy. There's a reason he only listen's to Lucy.

Kojo being just like Tim of course he needs a strong woman to boss him around to listen. I wouldn't call Ashley strong but she got the idea. I mean that scene in the parking garage kinda a parallel to this one in that regard. Doesn’t listen at first then eventually comes around when they're bossed around ha. Not a ton in this ep for them. Solid moments nonetheless. Sadly we are saddled with a Chris and Ashley for a little while. But we get tons of goodies between all that so it helps.

~~~

Side notes- non Chenford

I do love James and Wes starting up their bromance. They cute.

Thank you to all who continually support these reviews. Your likes, comments and reblogs make it all worth it. See you Wednesday with 4x11 :)

[hello-god-its-me-sara]

and then i got brainrot

I’m just saying Jon randomly running into batcow bc she wandered a little far out or he’s unknowingly a little more close to the massive Wayne estate than he realized seeing a cow and getting a little homesick (he grew up around farms, rip it from my dead cold dead hands) feeding her his lunch or something and then receiving affection from her

Jon who was not received affection from anyone or anything (it seems) his entire life chalking it up to feeding her, you don’t bite the hand that feeds you of course

And for whatever reason he keeps coming back regularly and of course he brings food every time and bat-cow is very appreciative of it sometimes it’s the only food he has but it’s okay because he can take care of himself

At this point Batman knows what up

Well kinda

He’s definitely found Crane feeding bat-cow and giving her pets, either bc he followed her out or him and he can’t really figure out what’s going on but it doesn’t seem to be hurting anyone so he leaves it be

I mean probably on more than one occasion Jonathan has dropped whatever he was doing to feed bat-cow because they have a schedule now and he can’t be late or miss a day

So Bruce knows and probably use it to keep tabs on Crane Bat-cow trusts him so that means something right?

And one day for some reason Jon can’t bring food He doesn’t have any and can’t get any in time and so he shows up and he doesn’t have food for her

And he just starts crying because he can’t feed her not that bat-cow cares, she wants his company more anyways

So she just nuzzles at him

Meanwhile Jon starts crying harder because he can’t feed her and he she’s rubbing at him because she expects food and he doesn’t have food and what happens when she realizes that he doesn’t have food? she’s just a cow

how’s she supposed to know he isn’t randomly withholding food all of a sudden? what if she thinks it’s her fault? what if she stops trusting him after this? and she just keeps nuzzling at him and he keeps feeling worse and worse

At this point he’s spiraling because as far as he’s concerned this is a random cow he’s been feeding more weeks- months now he doesn’t know who owns her or who takes care of her so of course he feels responsible for her at this point, something he’s never felt before and as far as he’s concerned she might rely on him for food, which is why he started prioritizing feeding her because when you’re responsible for something, when they rely on you, wouldn’t you give them your last bite of food? and now he can’t even feed her and she keeps rubbing at him

And that’s how Bruce finds Crane sobbing and apologizing profusely to bat-cow about not having food while she’s trying to comfort him and is confused why rubbing against him isn’t working

shut up don’t psychoanalyze this this means absolutely nothing

In case it wasn’t clear the reason Jonathan is crying over the cow is not just because he can’t feed her he is convinced the only reason she’s giving him affection is because she expects food he’s Pavlovian trained her to expect food from him

So the other half of it is later, after Batman gets involved because he panics, Jonathan just cannot accept that bat-cow could like him and give affection and not expect food from him

The idea that anyone or anything could like him is absurd thus bat-cow can’t just give him affection

No the cow doesn’t like him what are you talking about he just feeds her, she wants food

And he continues to try to justify any further affection she gives him

Oh she won’t eat because she’s just fed but she’s still nosing at him? she wants pets she’s a cow of course she wants pets, what animal doesn’t want pets, no that doesn’t mean she likes him, it’s purely transactional what don’t you get about that why would you think that she likes him

Batman doesn’t know what to do about this denial

Because Crane obviously likes bat-cow

Bat-cow obviously likes him back regardless of what Crane thinks

And now he has a rouge with an unstable emotional attachment to his /c o w/

Unstable as in Jon goes error 404 if anyone insists that the cow likes him back

I mean what’s Bruce supposed to do with this new information force Crane into therapy? not do anything and ignore that Crane has a 50% chance of crying if bat-cow moos at him?

Jon is completely fine if you ask him (he is not) there’s nothing wrong with his attachment to bat-cow

[decks-writing-blog]

Sparky

Summary: Alyx adopts an orphaned reviver pup.

[A/N] During my gnome run in HL: Alyx I had the dev commentary on. And in one of their nodes about the Reviver, they talked about how they had to redo its animations and sounds because it was too cute before and play testers would rather take it home as a pet than kill it. Which gave me the idea for this fic.

~

Yes, it would grow up to be a dangerous electric dog headcrab thingy. The exact kind of thing best not messed with unless one had to. But right now it was a cute baby and she’d killed what was presumably its mother – or father or just parent – making it an orphan. Since she was the one who’s orphaned it, she was now responsible for it, right? She certainly couldn’t just leave it here to slowly die without its caretaker to tend it. And it was making such sad whimpering sounds.

Alyx glanced around. Other than the orphaned alien baby, she was alone. The electric thing she’d killed was in the other room, part of its still twitching body visible through the doorway. If it had a mate that was helping with its nest, said mate was nowhere in evidence. How did these things even reproduce? They knew how headcrabs made more of themselves but this wasn’t one even if it did have some similarities. In fact, they knew almost nothing about these things. Adopting the baby, if they could keep it alive, would give them a good opportunity to learn.

Not Alyx’s field of expertise or something she was particularly interested in, she preferred computers and machines, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t curious. Isaac had helped raise her after all. His enthusiasm had a tendency to rub off on anyone who spent significant time in his presence. He’d be delighted by the opportunity. And well, she was here on a mission for him anyway; collecting spore samples to study with the intent to explore the possibility of setting up a Resistance hideout in the Quarantine Zone if they could do so safely. A bonus pet wouldn’t be unwelcome.

“Okay little guy, I’m going to try to pet you now so… please don’t shock me.” Even if it did shock her, per Dad’s insistence she wore proper protective gear this time even though it had been a couple months since her first trip through the Quarantine Zone and nothing bad had happened to her. The argument that she’d been cleaned of the contamination in the Vault might be valid but it was still be annoying to suited up so thoroughly. At least it was coming in handy now though.

The little electric dog looked up at her voice and flinched back with a whimper as she lowered herself down in front of it. She extended her hand slowly, trying to exude an non-threatening aura. How one did that, she wasn’t sure but she tried her best. Seemingly she succeeded too as the little guy didn’t run as she touched it and lightly ran her fingers down its back. If it tried to shock her or had any natural electricity, she couldn’t feel it through the gloves. So far, so good.

After a few strokes it seemed to calm down. Maybe it even enjoyed it. Either way, it crawled closer. She shifted her hand to hold palm up in front of it. It hesitated a moment before crawling onto it. Barely bigger than her hand, it was very light. Pulling that hand close to her body, she stood.

“Looks like you’re coming with me then. Awesome. Sorry about your mom or dad or… whatever. If I’d known it was guarding a nest I probably would’ve just left.” Especially since with her rubber boots she couldn’t be zapped anyway. “But too late now I guess. Um, I have a few more samples I gotta collect and then we’re gonna head home, ‘kay?” It couldn’t respond of course so she just turned to get back to work instead.

~

“Hey Dad,” Alyx said as Dad stepped up to greet her upon her return to the main Resistance hideout. “Look what I found.” She gestured to her new pet, now riding on her shoulder.

He stepped forward, frowning a little as he looked at it. “What is it?”

“You know those lightening dogs I told you guys about, its a baby one of them. I accidentally stumbled into its nest apparently and kind of killed its parent, orphaning it, so I adopted it. I’ve decided to name him Sparky because well… yeah, you get it, he sparks.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Well, ‘suppose I can’t say I’m shocked.” He winked, indicating the pun was intentional. “Isaac’s brought home so many aliens I’m actually a bit surprised you haven’t picked up the habit before now.”

“And you brought home the vortiguants so we’ve all done it now, huh? Not that that’s really comparable since they’re, you know, people, but you get the idea. But speaking of Isaac, could you watch Sparky while I deal with this?” She gestured to herself, indicating the protective gear. It was hot, sweaty, and awful, the sooner she could get out of it, the better. “So I can give him his spore stuff.”

“It’s safe to hold him?”

“I think so. He’s been through the decontamination thingy and he’s a baby so he’s not sparking as much as the full grown ones.” She carefully lifted Sparky and placed him in Dad’s offered palm. He immediately crawled up to sit on his shoulder. Seemingly he liked to be there.

“’Kay, I’ll take good care of him.”

~

First Alyx handed Isaac the sealed vials containing samples from as many different types of Xen flora as she’d been able to find. She let him ooh and ah over them a little bit as he unpacked them from the case, having barely taken the time to put on gloves before doing so. All well and good, an important mission complete but as exciting as that was she had something more lively to share too.

“And while I was hunting spores and stuff I had another run in with one of those lighting dogs I told you guys about. I killed it of course because it was trying to kill me.”

Isaac perked up, his eyes widening behind his glasses. “Ooh, did you bring back its heart? You said it acted as a power source, correct? I’d love to study it.”

Even before he’d finished speaking she was pulling it out of her backpack’s side pocket. “Yep.” It was still pulsing seemingly just as strongly as when fresh pulled from the thing’s corpse – she’d put the baby back in its nest and closed the door before doing that, it would’ve felt wrong to let it see that.

“Fascinating. Let me go get a specimen jar for it.” He scrambled off to the other side of the lab, Alyx following. After digging around in one of the boxes, clinking glass, he pulled out a wide jar. Upon unscrewing the lid, he held it out for her to drop the heart into.

Before he could start to say anything as he screwed the jar closed… “Not only did I bring back its heart but also…” She reached down into her backpack’s main pocket, holding her palm open for Sparky to crawl onto it. He gladly did so, scampering up her forearm towards her shoulder. Perhaps that behavior had something to do with their instincts. Like they normally rode around on their parents’ backs or something. “… its baby. And for the record, I didn’t know it had a baby. I would’ve left without killing if I had known. By the time I found this little guy it was too late. And well at that point I couldn’t just leave it there. So I brought him home. His name is Sparky.”

“Alyx! You’re a fabulous lab assistant. You never fail to deliver above and beyond what is asked of you.”

“Ah, thanks. And just so we’re clear, he’s my pet. You can study him and stuff but I found him and named him so he’s mine.” She’d grown rather attached on the way down here. Other than Dog, who barely counted as a pet since he was more guardian and helper, the only other pet she’d ever had was Bug, the snark Dad had given her to keep her company while she watched the Citadel’s construction. She’d gone back to look for it as soon as she could but it had escaped. Which was for the best of course, otherwise it would’ve starved to death with her gone. It did leave her without a pet though so time to fix that.

“Of course, dear, of course. I have a pet of my own now after all and she’d get awfully jealous if I tried to bring home a baby too.”

“That headcrab you caught the other day?” He’d said he’d intended to keep it as a pet when he’d brought it in but Alyx still wasn’t entirely sure how good an idea that was. Headcrabs were dangerous in a uniquely unsettling way.

“Yes. I have successfully debeaked her, now I just need to get to stop jumping on people’s heads and pick a name. I’m thinking Lamarr or Hedy after Hedy Lamarr. But first, Sparky!” He clapped his hands before turning and starting back towards the middle of the lab. “We need to work on figuring out what he eats and what kind of environment he’ll be most comfortable in. No time to waste on that either. Babies tend to need to eat a lot, don’t want him starving while we dilly-dally around.”

Oh. Alyx hadn’t considered that. She quickly followed. She’d signed up for this when decided to adopt him so time to do her best.