#this amount of progress is exciting
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Uhhhhhh Essie enjoyers come get this wip ig?
#non kink#listen all I’m saying is that some preg artists on tumblr have their fandom niche#and that I would not mind being that one artist who draws a pretty drow with imposter syndrome an unhealthy amount#seriously he’s been such a comfort character since I started watching live during quarantine#he means so much to me#and I would love nothing more than for my art to motivate someone to find the source material#and discover the MASTER craftsmanship that is his character#we’re a sha/dow/gast household btw#what’s sexier than wizards N#m draws#m in progress#yes I got so excited to start painting that I didn’t even finish the flats
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I think we may see the end of Google and YouTube in our lifetimes.
#talking#tech talk#i keep taking a peek at progress and man.... they are fucking burning the barn down around them#theyre expanding too hard and pushing new levels of advertising through#plus the new search “”“”features“”“”“ are going to get them sued and people killed#it may not happen this decade.... but theyre gonna have to downsize soon#part of me is excited. like yes please let this company take a fucking L#part of me is terrified because most of the known internet is tethered together thru google#most search engines ARE google#a large amount of infrastructure of the US is through google#like. wow. we're so fucked
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#not snz#more musings 📝 / mini vent:#not sure why my social battery is so limited 😭 and also so inconsistent#i feel like i can't sustain the amount of... like continued/consistent enthusiasm i see others giving esp in group settings#i just don't know how to engage in that way without burning out#over the past few weeks i've been stuck in like#a strange state where i can't muster the energy to properly respond to even the people i'm most excited to reply to#which is strange??#(and if that is you i am sorry 😭 i love you and i will get back to you)#i think i can't even like manage to get myself into the mindset of enjoying something for myself (eg. a conversation with a friend)#i think a part of it is the stress from work leeching into my personal life#i feel like i've been working so hard and for such long hours but its the kind of work where the progress i've made is very hard to track??#:( i just want to be off of ******* work so i can work on ******* work again#i also want to get ahead enough on everything in my life so that i write y+v D:#i feel like i haven't had a properly restful day in weeks... even over the weekend i was busy attending to others' needs#i just want a break from it all... but i dont have enough time to take off... but i dont know how much more of this i can take#i remember also feeling during uni like i was drowning#like there were simply not enough hours in a day to deliver everything i promised. it's such an awful feeling#i just feel defeated. like i've felt exhausted for weeks and weeks on end and like i spend every waking hour working on something or other#but ofc there is nothing to do but to keep at it 😭 other people can handle all of this and more#there are so many people i refuse to let down
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kimmel's ugly ass crying just annoyed the hell out of me libs are so fucking irritating
#the amount of horrible shit going on in the world and that's the line???#liberals and the whole dem party need to sit down look themselves in the mirror and say im an idiot sandwich 10 times#all the reasons why girlie lost are somewhat valid (except of course the ''we leaned too left'' excuse cos LMFAOOOO?????????)#all reasons are valid but the most annoying to me is how they completely changed walz and the reason ppl were actually excited abt him#now here's my controversial opinion i think it might've been bc the attention he was getting was taking shine away from comma-la#these people needed to be called weird to have their weird ideologies and perspectives on life be seen as the caricature they are#this dude was passing actual progressive laws talking abt shit ppl cared about. i love abortion and all but thats all girlie talked abt fr😭#when she said she'd legalize marijuana at the last minute....YOU ONLY HAD 3 MONTHS SIS#no policies from the get go no real slogan wtf is we are not going back thats what EVERYONE wants to do read the room...
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I love that it was heavily implied I do too much for my sisters and when I worked with them so they can be more independent it's now I don't do enough for them lol. Meanwhile I've been transparent that this was always the goal. They're not supposed to rely heavily on me. It's not beneficial to them. And it's not like I randomly stopped doing as much, it took months of specific teachings before we could get here. Sorry that you like playing into being a hero for disabled people but they also like their independence.
#Meanwhile I still do a lot for them and I know their limits#I don't ask them to do things I know they can't do#And if they call me for help I'm there#But I suppose it's a lot easier to assume I'm being lazy then accept that I've made progress with them#The amount of times people try to tell me about their milestones like my sibling who is in a wheelchair#I am aware they can stand and take a few steps with some form of support#Who do you think got them there?#That's from months of encouragement and little things like having them transfer over by themselves#Having them stand while I help them get dressed#And not making a big fuss when they get so excited that they stand for a bit#Also that's not pointed to people who don't know them and aren't around a lot#It's for people I've told multiple times the progress that's been made and I'm ignored then they see it and act like I have no idea#I'm around them all the time#I know
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#so that dotd rewrite is out and i have some thoughts on it but i wouldn't know where to put them.. maybe in here bc i don't actually feel -#- like making a whole ass text post. this is coming from me as criticism and not hate.. just some crit from one fan to another if you get m#SPOILERS AHEAD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#first off props to the team because this was obv a labor of love - 4 and a half years to make a feature long fan movie is hard work#and the animated stuff was a really nice touch and very commendable - you don't see them too often in big fanworks#in terms of the story well.. there are some things i like and some things that i don't (personally) again no hate#i'm aware this is a rewrite and boy howdy it IS a rewrite - though i am a bit sad that percy doesn't end up being the protagonist and it's#- thomas that has to play hero again.. like i kinda get it but what made the original dotd stand out was that percy was given the spotlight#so i spent an ungodly amount of time wondering when percy was gonna take charge or step into the main story to resolve the problem.. sigh#i liked that they tried to give norman more of a character bc a lot of characters do often get neglected in the series but it was kind of -#- hard to sell that for me? the twist in this rewrite was very creative and i do appreciate it but i guess it just ain't for me#“different” is ok and this is just one of many fan rewrites for this particular story#if there was something i enjoyed.. i guess the beginning was still kind of exciting because the set up was honestly like hype a bit#i liked that diesel and d10 actually got to interact face to face and there are clearer dynamics established for the diesels#and also. silverband's performances as d10 will always be fun he does a fantastic job voicing him (how d10 stole xmas will still be my fav)#my criticisms for this movie also derive from the pacing and the voice acting - i found it hard to try and understand tones sometimes -#- because the delivery felt so off.. like don't get me wrong not everyone in the fandom is a voice actor but if we're using static faces -#- for these fan works the delivery has to be a little more clear or else it'll sound like you're reading from a script.. sorry yall :"|#for the pacing i found it a bit hard to parse when some things were going on and how fast things were progressing#as well as the crashes.. that's also another thing bc i couldn't tell bc of the sfx and audio balancing - it could be better..#i wanna say. muffled voices do not substitute for a “far away”/off-screen voice bc i still can't hear it :“|#there were a lot of throwbacks and references to older thomas media/movies but some of them felt a little.. much?#if this is a dotd rewrite why are we getting some parallels with tatmr.. but i digress. at least they made diesel beef with duck a bit#there's a lot more i could say but i'm keeping those to myself. at the end of the day this fan movie was hard work for everyone involved#and you can tell some of the folks were having fun in there - props to them! i'm always glad to see more fan works in the community#we've come so far we're making feature length fan stories and rewrites that's crazy! i hope to see more in the future#fauxtrainpost.txt
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Update on the Second Round of the shipping polls from January: Tomorrow
Since enough people really wanted round two, featuring polecules, I have finally managed to get around to it.
Since they are a lot of work, I am collaborating with sah-headcanons for this. Plus, it would be fun to have one of us do the Weasel Unit, and the other do Flower Hill!
#plus I made a surprising amount of headway organizing for the next few chapters of Lightning Rod#But I also want to start making that drawing for Lightning rod soon#I have more ideas now#squirrel and hedgehog#so I'm really excited about that#Like do I post photos as I make progress or only the finished result?#should I add the rules I posted about the polls earlier?#Remember the young trio are realistically adults but meant to appeal to younger kids#so they will only be shipped with each other#also we are not shipping anyone related to each other#please be civil and polite about these#I don't want a repeat of what happened last time#no creeps in my DMs again teaching me why I should just block people straight off#if anyone wants to take a look at the previous list and offer to add to it that is fine
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#today is probably the best day I've had in a very very long time#i took a long shower did some pretty thorough skin care which are my favourite self care activities#finally restocked my toiletries#actually started the book i need to do for my essay#i haven't felt this good in probably a concerning amount of time lol#and now I'm going to tap out#I'm hoping I have enough energy to work on this fic#I'm a little disappointed that i didn't post it today like i would have liked to but hey i made significant progress in other areas of my#life today#it feels nice and it's also nice reminding myself that i can do these things without wearing myself thin#rj talks#also i think everyday i grow more and more grateful that i chose to take a gap year#lowkey it's the main thing pushing me through this last stretch#just the thought of finally getting a break#I'm so excited for all the writing plans i have ontop of the gap year plans you guys have no idea#you're going to be sick of how much i post lol#not to jinx things but
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as someone who is prone to having capital F Freak-outs over life things not happening fast enough or the way i want them to, the ability to learn has really kept me in check. i had been in a HORRENDOUS mood all morning, but i got home, had a proper meal, sent a couple emails i was procrastinating on, did some language learning, started reading a new book, and messed around on the guitar for a bit and now i’m completely calm.
#CRAZY how that works…#the book IS another Work Book which is Blah - but oh well#i got some book recs from James that i’m excited to look for next time i get to a used bookstore#which could maybe be soon? who’s to say??#i haven’t gone shopping for anything but food/other essentials since i started working#so i DESERVE a treat - imo#i should find one used online and order it just to give myself Packidge endorphins#things have been A Bit Rough and it’s understandable that i’m upset and i’m overall proud of how i’m handling it#HOPEFULLY things will settle within the next couple of weeks#but in the meantime We Are Coping#and in positive ways thank GOD#cuz if i can’t currently control certain major aspects of my self-improvement then godDAMNIT i can control others#me making some teensy step of progress: oh boy i am gonna be SO wifeable in five years!!#so proud of the amount of things i can Kind Of do that i couldn’t do at all a year ago#i wanna get back into exercising too!!#haven’t quite found the motivation yet - but when i do? ohohohohohoho…#i should make it a before-work thing… that’ll ensure it actually gets done 😂😂#that’s the ticket right there
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sometimes i'm like hmmm idk if my anxiety meds are working i kinda just feel normal :/ and then i realize yes i Do feel normal but i did Not feel normal BEFORE startign the meds. audie from less than a year ago didnt know what normal Was. this is GOOD normal.
#also im getting a TATTOO in an HOUR#my first!#and im not even a little bit anxious!!#im like. nervous but not Anxious yk. a healthy amount of nerves. and an equal amount of excitement#!!#also! i drove for the first time the other day!#just around a parking lot with my mom bc i just got my permit lmfao but i was sooooo debilitatingly anxious about driving until a few +#months ago and now i'm appropriately medicated and it's like wow. Wow#i can DO THINGS guys. i no longer feel like a prisoner to my own brain#the other day i crossed the street to go up to a stranger and ask to pet his dog#and then at a restaurant i asked the waiter a question about my order instead of just settling for smth i didnt want#i know some of these are small things. but they're big To Me :]#i finally feel like a capable human being. and i enjoy life! and i like myself as a person usually mostly!#<- working on that last one lol but making great progress#just idk man. im doing a lot better just generally speaking#SO excited to be back at college tho hoooly moly get me out of this house#audie talks
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Passed my Bronze moves in the field test this morning with honors! ✨
#one week away from my two year skating anniversary too#honestly never would have believed you if you'd told me how much progress i'd make in that amount of time#or how happy this sport would make me#anyway just very happy!#and excited to work on literally anything other than a power threes or five step mohawk#figure skating#about me#nina skates
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this is like a very personal nitpicky thing but I'm really glad that trails in the sky seems to have actually balanced its encounter strength in a way that doesn't necessitate going out of my way to grind. I end up bouncing really hard off of a lot of jrpgs because I'll be really into the story and then suddenly hit a wall where I gotta go run in circles for a few hours instead. but like I just finished the second major chunk of trails and haven't hit a wall yet
#I can progress through the story at my own pace! what a concept!#although I've been going out of my way to complete sidequests so that's probably helping#like there's certain games where I'm down to do some amount of grinding but it's gotta be like a self-directed objective yknow#I can't stand it when I'm excited for the next part of the plot and then suddenly start getting one shot in random encounters
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Sometimes I get so pissed off I want to kill myself which may seem counterintuitive but does immediately end the situation for me thus meaning I've still ultimately won
#i dont even experience genuine suicidality anymore#but god i just get so fucking angry#and i cant fucking change any of this shit!! i cant keep fucking watching all this shit crumble#and watch any progress be immediately destroyed#if i was allowed to kill about 10-15 people on this planet. the amount shit could change is insane#and it pisses me tf off so bad#because i cant do that#and no one can#and the shit that can be done just isnt enough#life is only going to get worse and harder from here#and theres nothing i can fucking do about it#i dont even want to die#im actually pretty into being alive rn#which is the worst part#im excited about a life i may never get to really live
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Tomorrow 👀
Coming April…
23rd?
———
I have been working on a fic for months and months.
It is not done yet.
But I do want to start posting it on April 23rd so it can be perfectly relevant. The timing is right :)
Oh to finally post my favorite fic. Y’all are done for now
Enjoy
#excuse me while i try not to get sick with stress or excitement or both#sorry if this seems like a disproportionate amount of hyke build up#im just really excited cuz I really like this fic#so i mean its Tumblr yall have to fuckin deal with me being insane about my own work#squeezes emmet tightly im going to ruin him emotionally 5ever#btw hey did y'all notice the additional wrinkles i added to Emmet as the lineup progresses?#i love subtle changes that imply so much :)#anyway see ya tomorrow
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#101 days sober#!!#alcohol has never been an addiction for me but going teetotal has been such an eye opening experience#I’ve had more fun on nights out and stayed out longer#I’m saving a huge amount of money cos those cocktails are spennyyyy#when I tell people I don’t drink you can see them assume it’s because i’m some sort of purtitan#and I have to clarify that im down to go on nights out I just don’t to get drunk#I miss feeling being totally giddy in the girls toilets with my friends and falling over ourselves laughing#I do NOT miss the hangxiety that shit made me MISERABLE tho#cutting out alcohol has also been a huge health benefit#I’m sleeping better and can see noticeable progress in my muscles#I’ve never been a big drinker and it was always something I planned on quitting after uni#so now I’m here and feel like a much happier person#looking forward to the future :)#exciting times
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Ok I am not normally one to be excited about the democratic party, but something historic just happened and I think us commie leftists should be talking about it.
Kamala Harris has just raised upwards of $50 MILLION, in ONE DAY, in just grassroots donations. (source: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/21/us/politics/bidens-exit-democratic-donations.html).
This is an insane amount of money for a political campaign especially given the context of the current election. I'm not an expert and I can't verify this but I believe this is more grassroots money than any candidate has raised this quickly in any country in all of history.
Added with Biden's existing warchest and this more than closes the fundraising deficit the Biden campaign had against trump and then some, even accounting for the post assassination attempt surge. On day ONE.
Money buys elections. This is a big fucking deal. This is the best news we've had in weeks.
Additionally, despite her questionable run as AG and some of her shitty "tough on crime" crap, Kamala still has one of the most progressive voting records in congress. (Source: https://voteview.com/person/41701/kamala-devi-harris) This matters a lot in a race that's going to be about voter turnout, and for those of y'all who have been reluctant to vote Biden due to his mishandling of the war in Gaza, iirc, she was the first person in the Biden Administration to start talking about a Cease Fire.
After being so anxious about Project 2025 so fucking much I actually started getting my passport ready just in case because of the shit about criminalizing trans healthcare, this is easily the most optimistic I have felt about politics in years. To the point I even went ahead and chipped in a few bucks to her campaign despite having like no fuckin money.
I'm even gonna drop the link here for y'all:
https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ads-gs-dd-kdhsearch-july2024?refcode=om2024_ads_gs_240721_kdhexmdonate_dd_us_all_actblue&gad_source=1
We have a shot to claw this back here. It's going to take work, and it's not a guarantee, and it's still not going to be ideal, but there is a reason to be hopeful again.
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