#this also made me realize how infrequently I post

[hyperfluffed-scribbles]

Original post

It’s been a year since JonJohn started. Where does the time go

For context, this is a shitpost crackship au my friends and i came up with where Jonathan Sims and John Ward both die after causing the apocalypse in their respective universes and get sent to homestuck as penance. John Egbert is their son. Martin is also there sometimes.

Also I finished tma and protocol in the year since we made JonJohn. It ruined me.

[kremlin]

@wikwalker hi sure yes anything to give me an excuse to procrastinate the post i should be writing right now. here are all teh drugs and how to manage them. you can trust me, a drug addict

first of all: https://www.erowid.org/ , erowid always

don't be afraid of drugs, if they're the right drugs, you should do them since they will be a blast regardless and overcoming fear is also good (but outside the scope here)

OK to do as much as you want: alcohol - social benefit greatly outweighs health effects, no reason to avoid if predisposed to abuse since that'll happen sooner or later. what can i say? don't be a fucking dork. when you start drinking, really overdo it as much as possible without dying and get a few real nasty hangovers under your belt so you know how much is the right amount to drink.

weed - innocuous enough to be fine but will make you stupid in the long term. make sure to only buy from a real drug dealer and never some legal institution. cut it out when you're a "real adult". don't smoke weed and watch TV routinely, go out and do things so you naturally grow to hate it. good to go through this as early as possible to minimize the time you spend as a cringe weed enthusiast

i guess those are the only two.

ok to do infrequently (annually): "lsd" - or whatever it is, probably not lsd, blah blah blah, if it works and is sold on blotter its fine and won't make you go nuts or whatever. opt for a better psychadelic imo. see psych rule at bottom of section

mushrooms - better than acid since you know what they are. rule of thumb is to always do more than you think you want. minimum 1/8oz. see psych rule at bottom of post

dmt - if you somehow have a dmt hookup you don't need to be reading any of this. lasts 10 minutes which leads to tendency to way overdo it, don't do this, my favorite webcomic artist is permanently crazy from exactly that. using a crack pipe is also not the uhhhh most dignifying-feeling thing to do either. it's harder than you think.

mdma - for use at electronic music event or rave. overuse causes brain lesions or something.

coke - wait until you're in your 20s, have maxed out your roth IRA for a couple of years in a row, and havent missed a car payment in a similar timeframe. better still if you've worked a very shitty low paying job and know the value of a dollar. if you still find yourself buying candy you're not ready. too expensive to be worth it to get hooked on. know that you are VERY ANNOYING to anyone who also isn't high. don't fuck around with the guy selling it to you. avoid discussing or thinking about business ideas. you can't afford to make it a habit + kinda turns you into a piece of shit after a while, but at least a very interesting one

ketamine - another sick drug that rules, but save it for a special occasion. don't try and go into the k-hole your first time

rule for psychedelics - you get one good strong trip a year and that's it, make it count, always opt for doing a bit more than a bit less. but don't make it a habit, otherwise you turn into a very stupid very annoying "hippy" style cliché and believe in ghosts, aliens, crap like that.

ok to try once prescription opiates/benzodiazepine (xanax), valium, this kind of shit - worth trying so you can go "holy shit, this stuff is way way way too good to ever use responsibly" and then never do again. especially if you're white. for some reason we just can't handle this shit. if a doctor prescribes it to you, idk, that's your call to make.

ayhuasca - this is just dmt in a different form. do some other psychadelics a number of times before you do this. once you realize the whole "substantial visual hallucinations" thing is made up, its time. do exactly this: -buy root online (legal). receive box of dirt -boil dirt into "tea" (read erowid for exact recipe) -take over-the-counter anti nausea medicine or anything that will give you a stronger stomach -drink tea (its nasty as fuck, get it down quick) -have someone bigger than you keep an eye on you for the next five hours. -have the experience, which is absurdly intense, has no bearing to the real world, etc etc. don't be a bitch and throw up, if you do it'll only last an hour or so. again there is no way to provide a consistent description of the experience except that you will meet god. you only ever need to do this once and never again. trust me

peyote/salvia/etc - try em if you want, you'll never ever want to again afterwords. these are drugs for idiot teenagers too lame to get real drugs. imagine being very very sick from poison and utterly terrified at the same time. No good

whippets/nitrous oxide - just find a dentist that uses it and don't bother creating hundreds of pounds of trash on your floor for this crap that lasts ten seconds. you have to understand the extremely short timeframe coupled with the cost makes zero sense. go to a phish concert parking lot and do some people watching -- you do not want to be these people. only use is as a motivator to get routine dental exam. also if you somehow manage to make it a heavy habit your fucking legs stop working, no shit, but they start working again once you quit.

don't ever do heroin/meth/pcp - is is truly a mystery why you should never do these 🙄

synthetic weed/k2/shit from the gas station - it is so funny that they sell this as "weed that won't pop you on a drug test". its not weed. it is some dubious chemical sprayed on yard waste. smoke it to have a terrible time and go nuts. only buy drugs from legitimate drug dealers!

kratom - anyone's guess as to why this is legal but it's heroin for pussies. its still heroin

dxm/cough syrup - do you ever wonder why it is exclusively teenagers robotripping? it's because it sucks ass. is like a cheesegrater on your brain in terms of health effects with repeated usage. you're better than this king

inhalants - these are at the bottom of the list for a reason. do not huff gas. don't huff paint. do not consume computer duster. not fun + fastest way to make yourself a complete, uh, (word i can't say anymore) and then dead

not listed quaaludes- unavailable due to no longer being manufactured. these ruled apparantly

sincis2c - unavailable due to not existing, i just made this up

amphetamines - cannot provide objective take here. they're my albatross, lifelong (posted 4:55am natch)

[thetriggeredhappy]

where i’m like, at, creatively

like what's my dealllllll

so i’ve noticed a pretty big uptick in new people around here lately and i wanted to cover a few bases since i’m realizing it’s been a pretty long time since i had a fireside chat with the room. this is for a few reasons - first of all, i don’tttttt like talking about myself! i feel like sometimes notes on what’s up with me and how i’m doing can come across as invitations to talk a lot about my personal life, and i’m not really here to get into it. i really do prefer the anonymity of the stuff i do here. not a ton of people i know in real life have any idea at all what i do creatively, and inversely not many people who know me for my writing or whatever know anything about my real life. love that separation! big fan of it! that’s why i go by the alias Trigger, don’t have very many mentions of any facet of my identity, my location, don’t even really have my general age listed (i’m an adult, that’s all i’m comfortable sharing). i’m not, uh. a very confident person i guess? but with that said, i’m fine with talking about broad strokes stuff, and with talking about the stuff i make. so let’s go over it!

i’m not really known on here for anything beyond my writing, but i actually do various different creative stuff. i make music, i draw, i paint, i know a few instruments, i sew and make props, i’m a chef (like. professionally. that’s my job in real life. like, i’m my boss and i just answer to the owner of the restaurant. i made my menu. we’re actually expanding it at the moment). my fanwork is definitely a passion of mine, i love doing character analysis and riffing with other people and collaborative work, that kind of thing, but i also do like. a lot of original work.

“I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING DONT CANCEL TAKING SHOTS—“ i’m not. i’m fully not. taking shots is just gonna be well over 150k words by the end of it and i’m running the marathon, not the sprint. that’s gonna continue to publish slowly over time. that’s not where i’m going with this. i have an outline, i know the plot, i just have to write the scenes and paint the spaces between the bigger arc of it and figure out the points between A and Z, and that’s going to take a while. if that means that fic is done in fuckin 2030, so be it.

my problem here is twofold. first of all, i have what the doctors call “a chronic depressive disorder” and “the good old neurodivergence that means you’re a perfectionist and also incapable of starting things”. there’s a part of me that really wants to ‘just’ hammer out Taking Shots and wrap it all up and do the damn thing and wipe off my hands and take a bow or ten before i move on, but i’m aware that my internal motivation issues are going to make that task take an incredibly long time. the second part of the problem is that i’m going to feel intense guilt pretty much all of the time if i split my attention between an original work and the fanwork i’ve already started, because in my mind, i’d be doing a half-measure of both of them rather than a sufficiently good job of either.

i know that doesn’t make sense, probably because it doesn’t. but honestly, for a longass time, me wanting so bad to start making my original work A Thing I Do, yet feeling bad for not instead doing more of my fanwork (which i know people really enjoy), has just been putting the pole through the spokes of the wheels on both of those projects.

so i’m biting the bullet. fuckin’ whatever.

Taking Shots is going to continue to keep its irregular infrequent schedule - i generally write more Taking Shots whenever i get really really annoyed with myself that i haven’t written more Taking Shots. in the meantime, i’m also going to start making and posting more about my original work.

i’m making a comic.

it has a title, i’ve scripted a ton of it, i have the plot and characters and worldbuilding and development, i know how it begins and what happens and how it ends. i started working on the story and the world around 2016, and i’m pretty happy with it. it’s going to take years to make the entire thing, as it’s going to be hundreds of pages per arc and a number of arcs in totality, and i plan to post pages as i go, maybe individually, maybe in small batches. it’s a fantasy setting, what with the elfs ‘n legally distinct hobbitses ‘n shit, adventure comedy, character driven narrative. i’ve made a separate blog to house it, and here soon the plan is to start showing off what i’ve already got, whatever isn’t spoilers, break out the title and some of the pages. my plan, eventually (and i mean EVENTUALLY) is to open a patreon or whatever the thing is by the time i get there. i’d fuckin’ love to just, like, make art and stuff full time, but realistically, i do need to hold down a real job for a while, even assuming i can make a living on art. i don’t have anyone to support me financially, so that does need to come first.

my artfight victims and opponents (my beloved) have already met a bunch of the characters, and some of you who have been around for a while probably also know about them. it’s not a secret or anything. i just don’t want to lean on the crutch of like, building a brand and hype for characters before i make the media. i don’t like stuff like that. you’ll see it as you see it. i love talking about my process and thoughts while making things and about character writing, and i’m open to questions or conversations about the comic and the characters, but like, i’m probably not gonna open with “and here’s the plot outline”. that’s a lot.

i want to be transparent now rather than later that no matter what i do, including making a patreon (or whatever), fanwork of any kind won’t be housed there. this doesn’t mean i’m giving up my fan stuff or that it’s dropping down the list as a priority. that hat is being hung up someday, maybe, but Taking Shots ends either when i’ve written all of it or when i’m dead in the fucking ground. this is partially because of, y’know, legality, because you really aren’t allowed to profit off of fan writing in the same way you might on fanart or whatever, but even if i was legally allowed to i wouldn’t necessarily want to. i don’t like the idea of making any significant amount of money on fan content, i don’t ever want enjoying media to have monetary incentive for me. that sucks. fan stuff is an outlet for me and i don’t like the thought of profiting off of enthusiasm. that seems like it would get a little parasocial.

this is my main blog, i’m probably going to keep using it for fan stuff a lot, and most of my comic stuff is gonna go on the same blog as the actual pages, and i’ll probably make some kind of dedicated webpage for the comic as well, and at some point i’m gonna make an executive decision on where i want to host any q&a for the comic - probably here. i’m hoping that getting vocal about my original work stuff will help me, like… commit a little harder? i work on it way more frequently than my fan stuff, like it’s not even close, but there’s kind of this sense of “and it’ll happen someday”. maybe that someday could be, like, before the heat death of the universe. because it doesn’t need to take that long. i have so much done.

that’s the synopsis. if you’re interested in my music, that’s over here. i’m probably going to reblog some of the comic-related art onto here every once in a while, but i don’t plan on reblogging individual pages onto here or anything like that. thanks for the read! let me know what you guys think!

[eleemosynecdoche]

Okay. Oil fire serious posting, huh? Now my friend @rlyehtaxidermist is a patient, forbearing soul, and I've been known to get a little hot under the collar at times. The language may get spicy. You have been warned.

Anyways, there are people apparently trying to do some kind of shipping war over this interpretation of Touhou 19 and of Sanae and Tsukasa. They level three basic charges- that there's no support for it, that it's a shallow sex ship, and that Tsukasa is obviously manipulating Sanae. Let's take it from the top.

1. No Evidence, Not Canon

Well, I could go and take screenshots and get the Japanese text and screenies of confirmed "sex isn't real in Touhou" people trying to puzzle out the parts of the Japanese text where Sanae and Tsukasa use very familiar language with each other. But I won't.

Why does it matter? Like, take it as a given that this is the case, that this ship is created from nothing. What would that mean? That people need to stop talking about it? Or restrict their posting about it to some kind of space for non-canon shipping? Is that reasonable?

Look, shipping characters on the basis of them being in adjacent stages has a history in Touhou. Some of them, like Parsee/Yuugi, got ZUN offering some support for it much later, through indirect means. Others, like Nitori/Hina, are kind of unpopular nowadays. People still make art and comics and doujin novels for those unpopular ships based on proximity. And why shouldn't they?

Some of my favorite doujin works- Ōkawa Bkub's "Charm" series, ALISON Airlines's drug-themed and mind-expanding works, Komaku Jūshoku's Ran-chama shorts- are far outside the boundaries of what ZUN produces. I think it's good that people take what ZUN puts down and run with it. I think that's a much healthier way to creatively engage with an artistic work you enjoy. It also gave us Higurashi When They Cry, Umineko When They Cry, Undertale and Deltarune, and other independent works where the influence isn't quite as obvious.

Anyways, all that freedom brings with it people being allowed to ship in ways you think aren't canonically supported, as part of being able to creatively reinterpret the work they're engaging with.

2. It's A Shallow Sex Ship!

Now let's be fucking clear here- what people are implying by this is pretty clearly "You're using this shipping to get off!"

Look. Do you really think that people are likely to be getting off to the idea of sex that's unglamorous and kinda mediocre, a bit awkward? If there is some kind of fetishist of that kind posting about SanaKasa, I'll buy them a drink to salute their extremely broad and abstract sexuality, which would be quite rare indeed.

I'm being mean. The more likely thought process here is that social assumptions around whether anyone would use direct and somewhat crude language about weird sex without being aroused at that moment or being some kind of perpetually-horny sex pervert are shaping how people react to seeing posts where a foxgirl's tail is used as a proxy for her having an erection.

So set that aside. I'm gonna talk about why the sex posts are meaningful to me personally.

I'm not an old hand of Touhou fandom, I came to it as a grown adult with the period between Legacy of Lunatic Kingdom and Hidden Star in Four Seasons as my entry point. But what I learned very quickly is that there's a lot of Touhou stuff, posting, art, comics, fanfics, where people offer up sexual content that I find deeply unappealing (mostly because it's dull, het, and not infrequently invokes sexual violence). And then, eventually, I realized that there was a kind of reaction to this state of affairs.

This was the sense that Touhou fandom was divided into bad sexual stuff and good desexualized stuff. And sexual stuff from a lesbian or WLW perspective was lumped in as part of the bad, with an assumption it was made for men too. And so if you wanted to enjoy the lesbian overtones of Touhou, the Touhous better not be having sex!

This is in turn correlated, I think, with the sense of Touhou as the whimsical side of the "cute girls having tea parties" media metaconcept. All of this ties really heavily into a broader social understanding of sexual desires between women, between nonbinary people, (or even between men much of the time) as intrinsically predatory and needing to be desexualized to be acceptable.

But Touhou isn't a series about cute girls doing cute things at tea parties in the text. In the games, it's a bunch of rude women threatening each other with violence in erudite ways, then engaging in elegant examples of that violence, and finally going drinking together. There's intrinsic sexual tension to all of that. It's people flirting with each other, showing off their stuff, and then getting to know each other at a bar.

Touhou's gotten more explicit about the sexual side of things. Tsukasa, who's drawn with what are instantly recognizable as sexually charged expressions, lidded eyes and insouciant gestures, whose outfit loosely resembles both short pajamas and a romper dress with the skirt cut away to show off the built-in bloomers, is a noteworthy chunk of that, and then she gets treated both in the fandom and in UDoaLG by powerful beast youkai as, essentially, a born slut.

But the sexual aspects have been there since Perfect Cherry Blossom at the latest. The implicit flirtatiousness, the women with extremely close relationships. So what talking about Tsukasa having bad sex and falling in love means to me is a couple of things- it's an acknowledgement that sex is going on. It's also a way to engage with Tsukasa as a character who's engaged in what is only barely subtextually survival sex work, and offer up the possibility of love in a very normal and unglamorous sense, for Tsukasa to be sexual and yet loved and fully worthy of love.

Making them both transfem or transfeminine-coded (i.e. Tsukasa probably didn't transition, but her penis is still effectively a trans woman's rather than that of a cis woman who shapeshifted in terms of how characters understand her position and body) is in turn an extension of that, of how trans women's bodies are fetishized (especially in sex work). And taking these bodies we, as a group of people, have, and treating them as sexual, but in a more naturalistic way yet playful way. And so for me it's just a matter of being truthful- this is describing the situation in terms of the world as I know it, within certain specific boundaries of Touhou I like to use.

This humongous nerd can have a loving, fulfilling relationship while not being good at sex and having to figure that out. This poor little kon kon can be loved without it being transactional, without having to try and become purified and sweet and "More tea, Miss Sanae?" Even bad girls (in several senses) can love and be loved. If you're gay enough with your cringe girlfriend, a miracle will happen.

All of this is of course my hyperprecise sexual fetish. Every last word of it.

3. All According To Tsukasa's Keikaku

"Tsukasa's just manipulating Sanae!"

Why is it important that Tsukasa be an undefeatable schemer and manipulator?

Let me put it this way. If Tsukasa can manipulate everyone equally well because everyone has weaknesses in their heart or whatever, that's blandly cynical. It makes her out to be some kind of overwhelming malevolence. If Tsukasa is really really good at manipulating powerful, perceptive, and forceful women, but completely unable to affect naive, slightly gullible, says exactly what she's thinking Sanae beyond marginally? That's funny! The one person that should be a cream puff to manipulate is beyond manipulation!

It's thematic! Someone who's open and honest and not trying to manipulate other people can't be manipulated in turn, because she's rejecting the game. It's relevant to Tsukasa's character! UDoaLG makes it clear that tube foxes are despised, that they're seen as weak and unable to fight like real women do. Tsukasa has to manipulate people because it's her only way to keep from being crushed, or so she thinks, because she's immersed in that reality.

Sanae isn't manipulatable, but also doesn't really try to crush her. Sanae offers a relationship between equals, even if they have different power levels.

It even plays into neurodivergence and mental illness- think of Tsukasa as someone unsure if she's manipulating people or not. Sanae being autistic and not manipulatable provides a reassurance that she's capable of doing better.

None of which means she's going to start being a saint or even a decent person, just that she's an awful person whose awfulness is hard to separate from her situation, but she can be in a better situation without having to become good first. She can stay malicious and kinda sucky and we know she's doing it on purpose now! We can say, "you are yucky disgusting, babygirl" and squeeze her into a Pringles tube without guilt. With minimal guilt.

Also, abilities are self-declared and Tsukasa's method of manipulating the other polycule members in Unconnected Marketeers mostly seemed to be encouraging them to do what they wanted to do already. Similarly, she can manipulate Aun in UDoaLG by playing on Aun's desire to be helpful and the dangers of the situation, but Aun also knows it's safe because her other body is back at the shrine. She's not, frankly, massively strong. In demonstrated "power levels" she's a step below Yachie "failgirl" Kicchou. Think about that.

Made it all the way to the end? Congratulations! Imagine a Touhou ending slide where I'm (whatever you think I look like) holding up Tsukasa and Sanae sock puppets.

[cartoonrival]

Wow that was quick and quiet. How was it. Were there any parts you liked. Any you didn’t. How do you feel about every character from su hating you

ok. so for anyone who doesn't know , the premise of kist is that yoon bum, who is sort of a loner pervert stalker freak, is obsessed w this guy he met once in the military (oh sangwoo) so he breaks into sangwoo's house because he's in love with him. but when he does this he finds a woman tied up in sangwoo's basement and sangwoo shows up and clonks him on the head then breaks his ankles so he can't leave. the story simultaneously follows sangwoo and bum's relationship as it morphs from a pretty basic kidnapper-kidnappee dynamic into something that would be love if it wasn't so much not that, and also a cop (yang seungbae) who is trying to catch a sangwoo but he's sort of disgraced so no one believes him. + porn is there also.

most of it was like ok..... i'm by no means unfamiliar with stories that are fucked up in a way that doesn't mean anything its just Did you see that shit? anyways im rod sterling. like considering i forked over the cash to watch terrifier 3 in theaters i am not the guy who thinks horrible plotlines need to justify themselves. so for the vast majority of the story it was just like .... it was vaguely interesting watching sangwoo and bum's relationship develop as sangwoo became less concerned that bum would try and run away and started to treat him less like a hostage and more like a lover (who is also a hostage). didn't care for the sex scenes because no part of me was reading the story for sexual reasons i was reading it to watch something fucked up happen. so bum's waifish appearance and behaviors were really starting to piss me off. but we persist.

as i mentioned in my halfway post, i DID find seungbae's perspective somewhat interesting because it let me view sangwoo from a perspective other than bum's terrified but smitten one. which i think those povs work best in tandem. the story would be boring if it was just one or the other.

a little background first for the insane twist that made me start posting for realsies: sangwoo's father was abusive, and he drove his mother into madness. his father died of poisoning by pills cooked into his food, it's unspecified whether sangwoo or his mother was responsible for this directly but even if it wasn't by his own hands sangwoo feels responsible. in the absence of his father, sangwoo's mother starts referring to and treating sangwoo (who looks like his father) AS IF he WERE her husband. like she calls him babe not infrequently, stuff like that. this freaks him out. the fact that he looks like his father makes the irrational part of her hate him. he starts to suspect that she's been poisoning him, so he starts counting the pills so he can know if she's been putting them in his food. he learns that she has. she ties him up and almost kills him in the basement, but he manages to overpower her and kill her before she can kill him.

Now. first relevant detail is that sangwoo has been living in his childhood home this whole time. this detail is known from the start. he vaguely references not wanting to be abusive in the way his father was throughout the story, but you aren't fully told what exactly led to the deaths of his parents until later. the point when you DO learn is after sangwoo and bum have gone on a series of outings together, with strange but seemingly innocuous details-- sangwoo buys them apples and seems strangely familiar with the stand theyre sold at, he has bum wear weirdly specific outfits (the main outfit being a striped shirt and long black skirt).

then, as backstory details about sangwoo are being revealed, you slowly realize that sangwoo has been REENACTING MOMENTS BETWEEN HIMSELF AND HIS MOTHER, WITH BUM AS THE STAND-IN FOR HIS MOTHER. HE HAS BEEN REENACTING THE MOST TRAUMATIC MOMENTS OF HIS CHILDHOOD. HE HAS BUM KILL THIS RANDOM GIRL AND TAKES HIM TO BURY HER IN THE SAME MOUNTAIN WHERE HIS MOTHER TOOK HIM TO BURY HIS FATHER. HE HAS BUM WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT HIS MOTHER WORE THAT DAY. there are more fucked up and uncomfortable instances of these parallels but i won't get into them because the specifics aren't necessary. the point is that bum is serving as a stand-in for sangwoo's mother, who mistook him for her husband and also tried to kill him. just a bizarre and insane revelation and the way it's revealed is honestly so effective. just repeated panels but this time it's his mother in the passenger seat type stuff. like WOAHHH OKAY.

and where it gets even crazier is that sangwoo starts becoming paranoid that bum is plotting to kill him like his mother was-- he starts counting the pills again and thinks bum has poisoned him when he accidentally spills them and miscounts. it's a bizarre role flip-- sangwoo is neurotic and terrified, and bum seems well adjusted in comparison. sangwoo steps on broken glass and CAN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE, putting HIM in the position that he'd put BUM in for the first portion of the story, the reason bum stayed long enough to get stockholmed to begin with. this break down and subsequent flipping of their roles is what made me sort of lose it. i genuinely enjoyed reading that portion, the reveal about sangwoo's mother and his breakdown afterwards.

the ending was honestly not much to write home about, lowkey dropped the ball a little. i think sangwoo and bum should've died in a double suicide situation. sangwoo did make bum promise that they would die together and that if sangwoo died bum would kill himself. sort of think they should've gone w that. but instead seungbae catches sangwoo and there's a freak incident and sangwoo ends up DYING in the hospital and bum is cleared of police suspicion in terms of being an accomplice rather than a victim. but then he goes sort of crazy about never being able to see sangwoo again (he already symbolically proposed to him but he wanted to give him a ring) and he goes crazy and then gets hit by a car and dies. lame! but it's fine.

tldr it was mostly mid and what you'd expect except for that one part which sort of knocked my socks off a little bit. but then it went back to being mid. i don't NOT get why it was popular and to be completely honest dressing up as sangwoo and bum would be like darkly funny if it wasn't for the fact that people see them as just like uwaa yaoi!!! instead of two really fucked up individuals who are like destined to die badly and stuff. i'm glad i read it but i don't recommend it. honestly having read it the "every character from steven universe will hate you" thing is even funnier like this isn't basic shitty toxic yaoi this is psychological horror. why do the characters in steven universe have an opinion on that. too funny.

[otomiyaa]

Re: 💌

Finally getting to respond to those who were so kind to me in messages, comments, and reblogs in the past week! @otomiya-tickles was a blog with mainly tickle fics, but you guys definitely made it feel like there was more to it :)

I piled all my answers into one big post and will treasure them for as long as Tumblr decides to keep me online this time 🤭

@lovelymessybubbly: Ahhh I remember sending that ask long ago and always wondered if you received it. I still think the timing (of my leave and your return) is ridiculous hehehe, but I'm also glad to stick around and to see you back! I hope the hiatus has been good^^

-

@dokidoki-muffin: absolutely honored to have inspired you and not only that, I think you're a great friend and I love our chats and our recent collab had me filled with joy^^ !! 🧁

-

@fluffandgiggles: I love your blog, the fics you write and the fandoms you choose and your kind personality, I'm glad you got to go from anon to your own blog and hope you can have fun with it for as long as you like to!

@skayleay: Sending love back to you, thank youu*w*

@beth-bethar00: Thank you 🥺

@tiredleekaz: Your message made me giggle hehe thank you for the support for the x amount of years, I also realized how easy it is to lose count when I think of all my different 'tumblr eras' 😂

@lilliee0: Sorry you had to find out this way hehe, and thank you! My account is in a good place *dramatic music plays* (no it's actually not lmao)

@rachi-roo: The Real OG 😳 I'm not sure I can accept that compliment but I thank you for it!! :3

@blobbirobbi: Sending love right back, also your tickle stories are always welcome hohoho

Anon #1: Heheh right! I know I"ve once said that even if I would quit my blog, I would never deactivate voluntarily (and definitely not without announcement) so it would have to be Tumblr to take care of that. To think that actually happened :). Hope you have a lovely day too!

Anon #2: Ahh I'm glad I could help introducing you to the tk community! Thank you for enjoying my fics, all the best to you too!^^

@infrequent-creator: Don't miss me yet, I won't be gone entirely :) I'll be here, and I'll be loud. Just my fic production will come to an indefinite stop, or break. Who knows.

@yourgigglebugmaya: Ahhh that flatters me! Thank you so much^^

@shyanon01: Thank you for the sweet message!

@hakurei-k: Hahaha! Well I'm still here too and ready to adore Solomon together.

@dirtpie39: I had to google that lololol ('sike'). Thank you for re-following^^

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@sunstone-smiles: T-T thank you a lot!!

@moongeonight: 4 years ago!! ahhh I'm happy to hear it and hope you're still having fun! :D

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@shy-lee-chu: Love you sweetie, I won't write many new fics so hope you won't be bored by me ;)

@eliankrios: Elian, I'm definitely okay thank you! I'll be mainly here to eat up the content you post ^^

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@flames-tstuff: I DON'T DESERVE YOU! ❤️❤️ Hehe answering all these messages to me feels like an entire ceremony already 🙈 And thank youuu, those 13k posts and 7k followers were from a total of 7 years of active fic writing on Tumblr though for a ton of various fandoms, I don't deserve too much credit for it ^^

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@kusuguricafe: Thank you for staying with me too 😘

@crazy-as-a-jaybird: *hug* thank youuuu T-T

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@ticklystuff: Thank you so much, will do!! I am reviving my animal crossing island (inspired by you and sezzie🤭)

@fantasizes-tickles-daily: I read about so many heartattacks and feel so sorry hehe, thank you for finding me again and for supporting my new one!^^ I can't believe I even considered not making a new blog. Your blog alone gives me the serotonin I need.

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@intheticklecloset: Thank you for the kind words and support!! T-T I look forward to enjoying the community from the sideline hehe:)

@ppystkposts: All these from anon to blogger stories make me kick my feet in delight! It's a chain reaction, I'm sure you will inspire others to start their blog as well. Your art and kindness most surely will do that^^ thank you for the support!

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@giggly-squiggily: waaa that's so sweet, thank youuuu!*0* I'll remember it!^^

@fanfic-chan: Ahhhh thank youu:D I used to call my blog my happy place and am more than happy to turn this one into that as well. Thank you for your message!

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@tickle-panile, @kiwithelee, @ticklish-sidekick, @mai-mei thank you for your concern*w*!

Special thanks to @lovelynim and @wertzunge for their instant share of my update, to @ticklygiggles for dealing with the questions about my absence, even the nasty ones. Sigh, I don't like they were rude to you! ah and also, it was Mia's message I woke up to when my blog was gone x) Never forget.

....and also ofc special speciaaaaal thanks to everyone else who reached out in DMs (I hope I answered you by now but will check soon), and to my dear friends on discord 😘

even though tumblr makes it look like my blog never existed, my evil spirit will live on and I'll keep being annoying 🤣

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If I forgot anyone's message I deeply apologize ToT !!!!

[dimetrocrafts]

Jellyfish amigurumi 🪼🫧

Pattern by Vanessa Mooncie

Color inspo by milkxteabag

pattern notes under the cut :)

This was a lot of fun to make! It turned out a lot smaller than I was expecting, so I must have used a lighter weight yarn than my inspo. But I'm still really happy with how it came out.

The pattern was pretty complex. You make the tentacles first, then crochet them together and decrease to close the bottom. Then, you reattach and increase to widen the base. Crochet the hood, then attach the hood and base and make the frilled edge.

It took me about a month to make, but I worked on it pretty infrequently since I started it at the beginning of my first quarter at university. I also got about halfway through the first tentacle before I realized it was using UK crochet terms, so I had to start over. whoops!

It was a gift for my sibling's birthday, cause they're a big Ocean Fan™. I made them a shark hat and a shark plush as well for previous birthdays, I'll probably post those at some point.

I generally love making things for other people, but I've sometimes got complicated feelings about it. I'm pretty precious about my work, like what if they hang it up and they don't keep the tentacles twisted in the right way!? What if they let the outer tentacles get clumped up in one spot!? Unconscionable, really. I think it's for the best though, I wouldn't be able to appreciate it as much since I can see all the little inconsistencies and mistakes. Putting in hours of work and agonizing over every tiny detail to make something beautiful for someone I care about, that's one of my favorite ways to express love for my family and friends. I couldn't stop even if I wanted to, even if their cat might chew on the ends of it, or they position it in a way that lets the back of the work show. That's just how crochet is, it's art that gets lived in. And I think that's pretty neat.

[sniffanimal]

it's so weird to talk about being an atheist online I imagine a good portion of my followers are atheist, including ones who are culturally or ethnically of another faith but consider themselves atheist. I'm pretty sure I follow mostly atheists (I can think of a few that aren't but anyways)! But I basically never see posts about it on here, I'm assuming because religion is one of those very hot topics no one wants to talk about? Plus I think the stench of "reddit atheism" puts people off from talking about it, lest people think they're actively anti-religion in a very racist way (like anti-muslim, anti-judaism, etc).

But being atheist is something many people increasingly are! And it's not something like "ohohoh atheist are So Oppressed!!!1" but it is kinda sad that it's just never really talked about ever though.

my very first understanding that there was something very different about me that set me apart from everyone I knew wasn't my autism or gender, it was my realization that I was atheist. I was very young, maybe 8 or even earlier, when it occured to me that people aren't all pretending to love God and Jesus at church. That they're all dead serious about that. I played along until I was 13 because I felt that it was something Wrong with me, like I had a mental illness that made me unable to feel Faith. I was homeschooled for a while so my only friends were the people from my church, but I was never able to connect with any of them much because the only thing that any of us had in common was our church, and since I didn't believe in it, I had even less things in common with them.

It was an extremely frustrating and isolating experience, especially since the church I grew up in was a fundamentalist Christian megachurch. All my parents friends were from church, we did church stuff at least twice a week if not more. My extended family was all Catholic so we also went to Catholic church on the high holy holidays.

I remember a point in high school where I decided to try and force myself to believe in God by making extremely sympathetic OCs that were being persecuted for being Christian in a scientific laboratory dystopia world (culturally Christian much @ past me???) And after a few chapters of writing I was like. This is so bullshit I can't do this.

And to this day, the closest thing I have to a religion is some occasional superstitions but they're so infrequent i can't even think of any to name. I knock on wood before I say something I don't want manifest, but it's a figure of speech to me, not actual will of the world.

I got to thinking about this because of that post and my comment about how I don't write religion and it's not from a place of being unable to write characters of faith, or a distain for world religions (I will say, fuck Christianity I have no respect for it and what it did to me), but because if I'm going to put things into the world I want them to be things I want to engage with, and religion is far from anything I want to engage with.

[jane-friend]

How did you not think your followers were going to absolutely love that nut vid? It was glorious! You made a lot of us very happy!

I feel like I need to do more now or something. I’m sorry I’m so infrequent with pics and videos? There was that one time a shirtless picture of me gained a little traction and A LOT of hot dudes followed me but didn’t realize I was actually just some goofball and not a hypersexual bear like they were hoping. I feel like I owe more to them and also I want to post more stuff like that :y

[tomatoluvr69]

I think you’re very wise so I’ll ask you: how does one make friends in their 20s. Like I have a friend group and stuff but I’d like to branch out more. Maybe fuck around find love. Who knows. But how …….

I’m pretty floored by this compliment not gonna lie…and I should be clear that I’ve also struggled with finding friends out of college. I wound up moving back to my college town where I had some connections already, but I can tell you what I did to branch out from those people and make new ones? This is just what’s worked for me, and it’s been slow going, but here goes :-) putting it under a readmore because it got really long and rambly hehe

I had a pretty rough summer when, after 5-6 months of my living here, two of my closest friends (literally 2/3 of the people I decided to move here to be near!) moved to other cities in rapid succession & i had a tough adjustment. What I did to heal was to take some time where I was very intentionally kind of scaling back my social life because I recognized that the irrational hurt that resulted from those departures made it so that I wasn’t in a healthy headspace (thinking a lot of thoughts like companionship is pointless, friendships are born to die, my life will be a long and pointless cycle of making friends -> they abandon me for a partner -> make new friends -> they abandon me for a partner). I had the wherewithal to recognize those thoughts as reactionary, and pretty far removed from the truth, but I was still having them all the time. But I gave myself a purposeful fallow period and I think it REALLY helped. I know that’s not your situation but it’s helpful to explain my experience. (And also just to say, see if you can recognize thought patterns and doubts you have around new friendships as fallacious or insecure if you think they are! Challenge them in your head, and correct them.)

Then, in the fall, I found myself opening up again. Because of my little break (I spent a LOT of time with my very close friend, which maybe wasn’t the most ideal for either of us— but we weathered it) I had the clarity to observe what worked for me and what didn’t, and set challenges for myself. I’m a pretty shy person, and the really fucking annoying truth I’ve come to realize over and over again is that in order to have a rich and thriving social life, I must grit my teeth and fight against those impulses nigh constantly. It is not my nature to cold text an acquaintance who’s on the brink of being a friend to make plans for the first time. That shit is scary to me!!! But I have been fucking forcing myself to make that kind of leap. Basically, the rules I have been trying (and oftentimes failing!) to hold myself to:

1. Almost every other young adult around you is also quietly lonely and hoping for more social connections, especially at that post-college stage. People are thrilled to be reached out to. Remember this first and foremost!! Reassure yourself that no one thinks you’re a freak for being friendly.

2. Text first sometimes (often). You HAVE to do this— if everyone sat around and waited to be enveloped into friendships, no one would have any friends at all. Think about how touched you are when someone makes the first move to you— asks for your number, uses it, suggests a hangout. It’s scary and it sucks but then it’s sooo worth it.

3. This one’s controversial…but I have a policy of “yes”. I do not say no to an invitation. And I do not allow myself to cancel unless I’m ACTUALLY ill. No “self care” excuse. No “I’m tired/depressed/long day at work” excuse. The ONLY exception is if I have a rigid commitment already (or if I’m vomiting or have covid which is…infrequent lol). I always go to the scary party, the nerve-wracking dinner at a friend of a friend’s. Sometimes I have a hunch I’ll hate it, and I do. But most of the time I have that hunch I’m proven wrong and very pleasantly surprised at how nice of a time I’ve had. This is how I’ve deepened acquaintance relationships into friendships, because it allowed me to see people a whole bunch of times and get accustomed to them and talk to them little by little and be less scared of them. but it was harrrrrrd, and it took a long time. I’m only now feeling like I’m actually friends with people I met like… 6-10 months ago.

Those are my rules, but basically it boils down to forcing myself out there way more than I’m comfortable with. And honestly, it’s already changing my personality and becoming more easy.

Also re: seeing people again a whole bunch of times. Become a regular somewhere!!! Join a club, my friend is in a writer’s group that has formed some very solid connections, I have friends who meet up all the time in an earth skills sharing capacity. I have a friend in some sort of trans baseball league or something? I’ve seen posts online for like idk a queer craft meetup, a diverse authors book club, affinity hiking groups, etc. A lot of my friends (and sometimes I!) go to a weekly themed night at a dive bar & over time have gotten to know a lot of the other regulars. Is there a bar near you that has a recurrent event that intrigues you? Goth night, dyke night, karaoke? it won’t happen overnight, you gotta go again and again and and again. But find social hobbies, and by seeing people again in the same place, you will first recognize them, then become friendly, then perhaps even become friends.

Now some disclaimers: I’m very lucky to be well positioned as the best friend and roommate of an incredibly outgoing person, who is the type to become a nucleus of any social scene he enters into. People love him, and want him around, and he loves me and wants me around! This makes things much easier for me, and without that connection, I’d be much more isolated! So I guess some advice there is to be on the lookout for the type of person who effortlessly gathers people. Sometimes I think (unfortunately lol) of the biblical phrase “fisher of men”. But it’s quite apt. If you find yourself being fished, go along with it!! Even if you don’t click completely with that gregarious person, the likelihood that you’ll be thrown into orbit with others is high, and you may find people through that. Let them invite you places! Meet their friends!! Friends who have served this role in my life have been absolutely indispensable for me & I try to actively emulate their modi operandi as much as possible

If you have a pretty closed off friend group, you could work on changing that? Another concrete piece of advice (and one that’s brand new to me lol) is to become a host! Have a brunch potluck or throw a birthday at your place. Invite your friends and have them bring along someone you might not know! Invite people you’re friendly acquaintances with. One of the nicest ways to build community is through like casual, open, and recurrent gatherings. Highly, highly recommend low stakes evenings like potlucks & yard fires & movie nights but especially potlucks. Sometimes you gotta be the gatherer if you want it to happen. I’m brewing up a brunch potluck later this month & im forcing myself kicking and screaming to include a few people I don’t know that well, despite the voice in my head that’s like “why would they want to come hang out with YOU…” (see rule one!!!!!). And again, I’m very lucky to live in a very special town with social people all around, but no one is going to come along and create that culture where it doesn’t already exist. Well, they might…but you can either sit around and wait for them to appear OR you can start fostering that community for yourself. I guess the idea is to take the connections you already have and BUILD! :-) I’m happy to hear you have some friends around you already, I’d really encourage you to start holding casual gatherings and make it explicitly clear that you’d love for them to bring people along.

Oh and also, I’ve found that hosting things TOGETHER is a huge help, it’s hard for me sometimes to put myself out there as the person for whom people will be showing up— but I have teamed up with friends to take the scary edge off. Me and my best friend had a combined birthday party last spring despite our birthdays being a month apart. No one cared about that, and we had so much fun with our goofy wacky theme!! And me and my roommates are all hosting a backyard party together at the end of Jan. This is a great arrangement for me as the shy one of the trio lol. So team up, if you and your friend see a tiktok of a theme dinner, or a costume party, or a scavenger hunt you’d like to recreate, toss it out there! Throw the soup party. Throw the dress like your fave character night. Throw the movie night with themed snacks.

My other disclaimer is that I have a healthy and moderate relationship with drinking, and because of that, I can have a glass of wine or something to help me out at a gathering where I feel very scared. They don’t call it liquid courage for nothing. That’s not an advantage everyone has, and I’m not necessarily advocating for it, but boy does it help me feel less like an alien robot when I’m out somewhere. Having a single g&t sometimes makes all the difference between going into the bar where my friend is playing a show and running back to my car and driving home listening to radiohead all alone. Weed has the opposite effect so I avoid it almost entirely lol. Just pay attention to the way substances affect you if they’re rife in your circles. If you’re sober, look for people who do lots of other things other than drinking— easier said than done, I know, but that’s another reason to throw your own little gatherings— they can be dinners or brunches or movies or hikes or museum outings where there’s no need for things you don’t partake in.

Ok the TLDR of all this is a) push yourself by force to put yourself out there. This is unfortunately an iron-clad prerequisite, like it or not (and I don’t like it…). Grab someone’s number, text them first, go to your random nice coworker’s birthday party where you’ll only know the host. throw a potluck so you can gather budding connections together. b) find what you love to do and do it with others, regularly. You don’t even have to like it that much I guess— just find a way to be exposed to the same people again and again and again. c) repeat to yourself over and over and over and over again that people are WAYYYY more receptive than you think they’ll be— they’re fucking lonely! Our way of life is fucking lonely!! And they think WAYYYY more positively about you than you think they do!!! I absolutely promise. I have ABYSMAL social self esteem and am frequently floored by this discovery but it’s very true. But people want me around because I’m funny and smart and kind and unique. And they want you around for all those same reasons, I promise.

And last thing, it takes fucking TIME. it takes forever. It takes practice and discomfort and stomping all over your hard-won instincts and behaving in ways that are terrifying and brand new to you. But keep seeing people, and take the leap of being the initiator, and give it time and effort and you can do it!!!!! Again these are just the things that have worked for me, your mileage may vary! But genuinely best of luck and I would LOVEEEE to hear updates :-)

PS (I hope this (or like any of this answer lmao help) doesn’t sound condescending, it’s not meant to come across that way, I just tend to ramble. And also I tend to forget that other people don’t always have as much trouble with these social skills as I’ve had so if I’m overexplaining that’s why!! Lol) you can rehearse things in your head as much as you want and no one will ever know. I literally have small talk scripts lmaooooooo. I’ve literally used strangers to practice a method of like interviewing people to get to know them where you just continue to ask questions relevant to what they just said. and you could practice saying things like “want to grab some coffee after this?” or like “hey let me make sure I grab your number, here’s my phone!” and no one will ever know you had to practice like you’re in an elementary school play LOL. I’ve learned so many like normal person social skills just by watching gregarious friends talk to people and straight up intentionally emulating them. bc im normal…. And also intentional and borderline saccharine phrasing like saying “I’d love to have you!” Instead of “if you wanna come” or something. Ok actually I’ve rambled on for soooo long now I hope at least a tiny shred of this was helpful :-)

Okay and another quick edit SORRY. CAMPING!!!!!!!!! If you have ANY desire to camp whatsoever DO IT!!!! NOTHING jumpstarts a new friendship like a camping trip, you can like fast forward through literal months of the early stages if you can get your friend to bring a friend etc. and if not, a nice long hike, if that’s something your body’s not gonna scream at you about haha. GO OUTSIDE WITH PEOPLE IM SO DEADLY SERIOUS.

[kaufmo-is-alive]

HIII THIS BLOG IS INDEFINITELY INACTIVE

So I've been really infrequent with posting stuff to this blog, and I never gave an explanation for why. I really should have made this post sooner, but for whatever reason I just didn't until i realized i had 54 FOLLOWERS (thx btw). Even if I only had one follower, though, I'd still owe everyone an explanation.

This blog has been really fun to make. Really, thank you all for the asks! But over the course of this account's runtime, I sort of realized something: I like drawing, but not that much lol. I also don't really like this AU too much tbh, so that probably factored into my distain for drawing for this blog after a while. Or I'm just lazy. Whatever the case, I kept getting burned out, which lead to my week long unannounced breaks.

The ask blog isn't exactly cancelled, per se. I still had some interesting stuff planned and I miiiight squeeze out an update or two every once in a while, but there's no consistent schedule. Basically, don't get your hopes up for this thing ever updating lol.

Once again, I sincerely thank everyone for the support I've gotten for this blog. It really means a lot to me that people would actively engage in such a silly little thing that I mostly made out of boredom. If anyone's interested, you can shoot me an ask about the stuff I had planned for this blog if it were to keep going (under a read more, of course, in case someone cares about spoilers for whatever reason lol)!

I'm not done in the TADC fandom yet, though. I started writing a fanfiction called "The Wondrous Digital Lab", which is sort of a lab au but honestly lab in the sense that Garten of Banban is a lab lmfao. If you want to see stuff about that, I'm posting it on my main account, @badgerotter. And if you want the fic link without digging through my account, here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55976389

Finally, I'd like to mention some other ask blogs that I like and would definitely recommend checking out!

@/ask-the-rag-dolly I have no idea how anyone would not know this one, but either way I should still give a great big thank you to this blog! ATRD inspired me to make my own ask blog in the first place and is honestly just a really good story in general! So thank you, Mod Bee, for creating something as awesome, special, and impactful as you have! I'll never get tired of seeing other people try to spawn in items like they do on your blog!

@/multi-kinger-mayhem This one is so silly! Basically a bunch of different Kingers from different universes meeting each other. I really like their interactions and I'm excited to see what's coming next!

@/ai-to-alive-tadc-au This one is about Gummigoo joining the circus instead of getting confetti'd! Ironically there's more Jax in it atm, but the premise is still super interesting and I can't wait to see what hijinks ensue with everyone's favorite gators!

@/tadc-lab-au This is actually the blog that inspired my own "lab" au! If you want an actual, more traditional lab au, then this is the blog for you! The ask box is closed at the moment, but they also have a fanfiction going on, so go check it out!

[huntershowl-moving]

one of my favorite things in the whole world is getting invested in other people's muses. finding ways to bring them into my muse's backstory! actively having my muse engage with/comment on/worry about their muse's past and ongoing conflicts! asking the writer questions for the sake of asking questions! reacting to each little bit in the infodumps they give me!!

DONT GET ME WRONG it deffo takes mental effort and actively reminding myself to do it, but it's so rewarding because i KNOW how good it feels when someone does that for me. it's a reliable way to show affection and make your rp partners feel seen & appreciated! it makes plotting more productive and rping more emotionally rewarding, and i feel like it also allows us to bond more ooc & become long-term friends even outside of rp :D (points directly at rio @crowshoots u are such a stellar example of this, ilu so much and im so glad we got to become friends thru putting our blorbos through hell together)

(more rambling about this under the cut, not necessary to read i'm just musing about culture)

idk if this is just a thing with the rp community or a generational thing or both, but i feel like our (at least gen z folks in the US, which is my circle of experience) culture has become really hyper-individualistic? like there's a big emphasis on focusing on your own shit, prioritizing your own self-care and passions etc, which is great of course! but i feel like we've lost the conversation on acts of love and putting in effort for other people. it's like you're expected to have blinders on and just kind of exist alongside other people, but not do anything for them if it would cost any amount of mental energy 🤔

idk i'm rambling now but FOR CONTEXT i was just thinking on that last post i rb'd about how to write better rp replies and realized how infrequently, as a community, we emphasize the other muse in our writing. which made me think about the partners i gravitate towards — aka, people who actually make an effort to care about my characters in return when i get invested in theirs. but it feels like suuuuch a taboo topic because when u say things like this, people think ur expecting them to burn themselves out for the sake of others, which?? nO???? and it made me want to ramble into the void about it KJSDHKDS

it Also got me thinking about how many d&d games i've played where the rest of the people at the table immediately like... mentally disengage when their character isn't involved in the scene. it sucks! it feels bad! the best groups i've been in are the ones where the players are interested in and invested in the conflicts of the characters around them.

also worth noting for fellow neurodivergent pals: TRUST ME, as an ADHDer with intense hyperfixations, i know it can be difficult to poke my head out of the bubble of ur own plotlines and ask about others'. but it's possible! it gets easier over time and it is SO worth learning!

anyway that's all. put in work for ur mutuals! rp is a collaborative activity!

[heartbeatbookclub]

I feel like in general on this blog, I really do undersell exactly how private & introverted of a person I am used to be creatively, particularly in fandom spaces. When I say I've been entrenched in fandom for a long time, I am not joking. Despite this, you'd be hard-pressed to find most fandom content I produced until...well, until this blog!

In fact, unless you know me in real life, it's unlikely you've ever seen any art which I've posted OUTSIDE of this blog, which is saying something, because there is a LOT of it, both original, and for shitloads of different fandoms. I am, at my core, an artist, as pretentious as that sounds; I create ad nauseam.

Despite this, I very rarely post publicly. The few times I have created a public page to post art, it was incredibly infrequent. And most of them are deleted, now. In fact, this blog is possibly the first time I've made an online account for fan content (or art in general) that has achieved general notoriety anywhere, and it's incredibly fun, but it has made me painfully aware that there's something of a reason I deleted most of my public art accounts...(/lh)

But seriously, I keep a comically low profile, despite enjoying both creating and receiving praise for creating. Part of it has to do with the particular way inspiration strikes me (the periods where I don't post to this blog are mostly actually because I'm looking for proper vision, despite wanting to create) which is why my creation of these sorts of things is so infrequent, because I know most people (particularly artists) don't do that, and it can be very concerning or frustrating to anyone paying attention.

It also creates a rather daunting prospect of creating something "good enough to share", which I have been increasingly working on not giving a shit about. And sometimes building relationships with people who sort of expect you to post/message them often, because that's the only way they know you're alive. I barely even talk to my irl friends as often as some people want to over the internet with me. It's wild.

I'm not complaining about the popularity of this blog by any means, nor how people have been interacting with it, I mostly just wanted to share that despite how it might look, it's actually significantly more normal for me to post basically nothing for months at a time and then have a burst of inspiration leading me to make like 3 posts that leave people raving for a week, then disappear of the face of the earth completely.

Like, you wanna talk how I normally am with art, I have piles of old Undertale doodles & fanfiction, which almost no one has seen, and I probably won't ever post again. I have art for a fandom I was in for maybe a week and have never done anything for again. I have drawn YouTubers I no longer watch. I have OCs which I haven't thought about in actual years. I have world concepts I literally used for a single drawing and nothing else. I have Omori fics and drawings I literally never posted publicly. There are probably people waiting on an update to a fic I wrote 6 years ago (when I was 15).

You wanna talk me in fandom spaces? There are people I know from my Undertale fandom days who I'm surprised are still posting. I know nearly every major artist in the Omori fandom on some sort of personal note (I'm still in a Discord with some of them), and they're the people who've seen my unpublished Omori art/fics. I would post stuff maybe once every month or two in that server. Most of them probably don't even realize they know me.

I know fandom drama I didn't even care about when it was happening.

For the better part of my life I've been the fandom equivalent to a mysterious stranger, blowing into a fandom maybe once a week, then once a month, then never again, people forgetting I was even ever there. There are friends I've made over social media who I've not seen or spoken to in an actual decade.

I just live my life. I make shit. Sometimes I'm active in a particular space on social media for a while. I meet some new people. I am cheesed to meet them. The case goes cold. I continue living my life. I go elsewhere.

I think this is both vitally important to understand on the internet, especially in a fandom sense (The Internet is not your life, please remember that you can literally turn your computer off and leave) and also a really bad habit I have that, while somewhat amusing, means that by nature a lot of the new friendships I make are temporary.

Also, if ever we message each other and I stop talking to you, that's not because I'm mad or forgot you or something; if I don't have anything to say I don't say anything. Small talk is my bane because it feels dishonest. Offer to play TF2 or Overwatch with me or something.

Now that I'm thinking about it, this is actually generally applicable to all online spaces I'm in, which might make the entire thing seem a little silly... There are people I've met on online games like Roblox, or old flash games, or old websites where you can PLAY those flash games, who I just disappeared from one day. A lot more of my life than I thought is intrinsically ephemeral...hm.

It's to the point that a lot of people know who I am but don't realize who I actually am because my name is sorta generic, so they don't make the connection. I make a lot of jokes about it on my main but most people don't even realize I'm The Mind Electric Guy who made the big mash-ups and also the Catboy Electric. And Johnny Johnny Electric but we don't talk about that one.

There are times where I'll have people in my comments/messages going "wait YOU'RE THAT GUY? YOU MADE THAT?!?!" about something completely unrelated, and i'm just like "yeah i was bored on a saturday". I'm like the Neil Cicierega of obscure internet/niche fandom bullshit.

Wait, so I'm like Neil Cicierega. And I've been told I resemble him more than once, so maybe that's fitting.

As a reward for making it through my silly ramblings, here's a little proof in the pudding! Here's some incredibly old DDLC fanart from my initial obsession to a little later, not exactly in chronological order. You can really see my improvement as an artist, which is actually pretty funny, because imitating some other DDLC fanartists is specifically how I started getting better at drawing people

These are incredibly old! You can tell, because they look like SHIT! I didn't really know a lot about how to draw people at this point in time, and what became my style was super poorly defined here! I have some other super old art which really shows off how bad i was at drawing people, particularly in the waist. Believe it or not, this is a better showing than most others around this time.

Hey, at least they're recognizable, right?

This right here, this is the exact moment where drawing faces started to click for me. I still think this is one of my best showings from this particular time period, even though it's still got a lot of line jank, and I'm pretty blatantly ripping from a different artist (who no longer has an online presence, so weh, have at it). I still really like this drawing, and a lot of the experimentation that was on this page.

also, you can see me trying to draw boobs for the first time! ain't that a sight!

These are a weird period where I'm drawing a lot of different things on the same sketchbook page just to fill them up, which...I mean, I guess I should be proud I used to draw that much! They certainly do look cool, too. This image of Sayori in an Adidas tracksuit is directly referenced from a picture of a Sayori cosplayer I found on Instagram once upon a time. The @ you see pictured there is my old private instagram--you can try to follow it, but I doubt you're going to get anywhere!

I think a big problem you see in a lot of these is just that I'm uncertain in my lines, even in sketching and doodling, which is still a problem I struggle with sometimes. Also I don't really get how clothes work. But this is significantly better than how some of my old art used to look like, so I'm glad for that!

Can you identify all of the other pictured characters? There are 3 musicians and 2 YouTubers present!

I drew this in 8th grade? I think? These might be slightly out of order. I really liked drawing Sayori.

I really didn't like how this turned out when I first did it. I don't often do digital pieces and even less often work in color, but when i do, they tend to take a lot of time and effort. I think this is definitely rough around the edges, but the amount of work I put in to really make this pop is something I enjoy. Just wish I'd spent longer on those hands...

Remember how I said I used to really vibe with MC x Sayori?

Yeah.

Here's some more, including a more fleshed out MC design. I think I did this my senior year of high school?

And this, dear viewers, is a Sayori I doodled from memory roughly a year ago.

I didn't really have much direction here, I just wanted to talk about this stuff, and I had these that I wanted to share. These drawings were all from roughly 2018-2023.

[br0dofaggins]

i post so infrequently here i'm just going to act as if no one will see this and it's my private bc lets be real it basically is. perks of this being a dying platform is hardly anyone, if anyone, i care about will see me. i'm almost 30 years old now. i'm scrolling through old posts and remembering how bad everything has been for me at separate points in my life, but also remembering how good things have been, too. the thing that doesn't change ever is the yearning. yearning for someone to want me the same way i want them, yearning for friends who left a long time ago, yearning for bits of my soul i've lost along the way, yearning for peace in my brain amongst all the turmoil and warmongering that lives there, yearning to be a better husband and partner and friend. i've been in therapy for 10 years and i've made a lot of big strides but i feel like all the bad still fills me up without me even noticing. when did i start regularly saying i hate myself again? was that recent or did i just not notice when it came back? when did i start avoiding my reflection again? when did i start starving myself again? when did i start questioning the importance of my life again? when did i start thinking about cutting regularly again? it's all just so familiar i didn't realize that it came back to stay for a while. idk how to let it all go again and now i'm starting to doubt if i ever did let any of it go. i'm starting to feel worthless again all the time. i'm starting to measure my worthiness by other people's desire for me again. i'm starting to ask myself if it's even worth it anymore again. i'm starting to wonder if i should make it to 30.

[crocheting-cupio]

A little while ago I said I was changing labels and I'd explain later, when I had more energy. Said time is now, so get ready for a long one.

I'd been rethinking all aspects of my gender and sexuality (except being Agender) the last two months or so. Trying to pin down why exactly I wasn't fully comfortable yet. So I'll just go one by one.

Demiromantic -> Aromantic: A part of my brain insisted that I simply "hadn't met the right person yet" and that was why I'd never felt romantically about anyone. But when I learned about Queer Platonic Relationships everything changed. I realized the one person I thought I had a crush on wasn't a crush at all. Without even knowing about them, a QPR was actually what I wanted with that person. I think also crushes and romance are so widely accepted as "something everyone experiences" that I'd unknowingly assumed I just hadn't had a strong enough connection with anyone yet to develop feelings. I am happy with letting it go so far. I don't think romance is for me.

Demisexual -> Greysexual: I will admit my understanding of sexual attraction was just never very good. Especially pre-surgery, when any sexual arousal or thoughts of being in a sexual situation I felt made me deeply uncomfortable. On top of this I misinterpreted preferring partners that I know personally/friends, or wanting to get to know someone first, as Demisexuality. Despite reading many times that these aren't the same things. Also sometimes I would get really stressed out because I became attracted to a stranger. I feeling pretty good about this change. I think my levels of sexual attraction are just very low compared to an Allosexual, but still there nonetheless.

Lesbian -> Straight: Okay, this is the big one. I had been trying for a long time to make being a lesbian work for me, but I'd been trying for the wrong reasons. Long explanation short, I'm around a lot of Feminist people and gay people. So for a very long time I heard "Women good, men bad." And for the last couple years I was also surrounded by "Gay good, straight bad." And thus my brain said "Well then we can't be masc/male and straight because then no one would like us. Everyone around us likes women and gay people more than anyone else." So I convinced myself that I "had to" be a Nonbinary Lesbian if I was attracted to women. Because Lesbians can be Nonbinary, and Lesbians can be masculine. But I was only trying to fit myself in a box that was the wrong shape for me. It probably didn't help that every person I personally knew under the Nonbinary umbrella was Ace, Aroace, Pan, or Bi. And frequently Nonbinary OCs I saw float by in my feed were always either gay or pan/bi. I think I like not being gay better. My attraction to women/girls feels kinda half MLW and half NBLW, but not in a queer way if that makes sense. It's in the way that this is just how I am.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. We will now be returning to your infrequently scheduled posts.

[fluffykittylerv2]

(feel like i made this kinda late lmao but anyways here y’all go)

✨Hello✨

My name is Fdog/Parker/ my username, whichever one you prefer, you can call me 👍

This blog consists of:

mostly t- art of my OC’s (which if you somehow recognize from somewhere else, shhh don’t tell anyone about this account 👀) and it mostly consists of m/m, f/m and sometimes, maybe once in a blue moon, m/f or f/f. maybe.

Also my posts may be infrequent as I currently work at Home Depot like 4 days a week 8 hours a day and I’m usually exhausted after talking with old guys all day, so try and bear with me if I don’t post too often 🙏

my general info:

I am 19, bisexual, and I’m transmasc. I go by he/him pronouns. I also have a lovely, dorky girlfriend who I most likely will mention because I am absolutely rabid for her ✨💖

my ✨🪶t-wording🪶 ✨info:

(didn’t realize they had feather emojis fjdjdh)

I’m a huge ler (as my name may suggest) and would consider myself a bit of a menace when it comes to tickling. I am also incredibly ticklish myself, so attacks are not always in my favour. I also LOVE tummies and belly buttons, probably my favourite spot to tickle or just look at, feet aren’t really my thing, but they can be pretty cute too.

Sfw and nsfw info:

My blog is like 90% sfw, and I wholeheartedly welcome all to view, interact and hang out if you feel like it. While I don’t want to encourage minors to be exposed to nsfw stuff, I also was a minor like pretty recently. I was looking at the stuff I look at now, so… in my opinion, if you’re old enough to do the dirty (consensually, with someone of your age or close to it, in a safe environment), you’re old enough to look at my 10%, tagged, probably barely even risqué, nsfw art. 🤷

Asks and interaction:

I’m 100% into asks and people talking to me, whether it be through PMs or just in the asks, please do! i love interaction! if you wanna ask me about my favourite t-word positions or ways to make someone squeal, go on ahead! if you wanna tell me how your day is going, absolutely I wanna hear! you’re free and encouraged to ask away, pm me, whatever y’all want. The only thing I ask is that you keep it sfw as I do have a girlfriend (have i told you that already?) and I don’t think she’d be comfortable with me interacting online in nsfw ways, and if she’s uncomfortable i’m uncomfortable.

Thanks for reading my long ass intro post! 💕💕💕