#this actually made me laugh hahahah my god

[dogwittaablog]

nolan’s friend has such a fat ass his knee are buckling under it

TKASPICK THICCCCCK

[witherbythesword]

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[artists-ally]

{She Gets The Flowers, Right?} Reader x Lucien Vanssera {Pt.2}

Welp. Here we are. Didn't know this was gonna happen. I had ZERO INTENTIONS of writing a part two but I basically got cyber bullied into making another so here ya go fuckers. Someone literally threatened to stop taking their meds so to whoever that was I hope you get to keep your kidney! Enjoy! This part is inspired by this song.

Word Count: 6,111

Warnings: ANGST (yall thought you’re gonna get a happy ending? HAHAHAH) Some pretty negative self talk.

Tagging: @bubybubsters @cyrygher @thelov3lybookworm @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @anuttellaa @lookingforamissingpage @thehighlordishere @crazylokonugget

Summary: In the days and weeks that follow your downfall with Lucien, he has no fucking clue how to go about life without you. He can’t cope. And he desperately wants to fix everything with you.

~~~~~~~

LUCIEN’S POV

I have made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I thought that would be reserved for not being able to protect Jesminda. No. This… this is… I don’t even know.

I’m just standing on the sidewalk, staring at our- her home. At the rustic, auburn door we painted. At its brass knob, at the rusty, creaking hinges that would ring through the house when someone came in. At the little potted plant in the corner, the vines spilling out of it. 

I’ll never be back here again. 

I’ll never get to hear her laugh.

I’ll never get to taste her new recipes.

I will never be able to take all that I said back. That is the most haunting feeling of it all.

I’m an awful person. After all she’s done for me. After saving my life– on more than one occasion– I went and did nothing in return. I gave her nothing for her endless kindness. All I was capable of doing was destroying the one person in my life who has given me everything I’ve ever wanted. 

Unconditionally. She always loved me unconditionally. How could I have been so blind and naive to it? How did I never see it? 

Gods every single time she made me something to eat, a recipe to try… she was basically shoving the bond in my face, hoping I would see it. And I never ever considered it. I was so lost in Elain. Lost in the fact that I finally had feelings for someone after Jesminda… Not once did I think it could be Yn. 

I don’t deserve her. I never did. I was a bitter, rotten shell of a man when she met me. She dragged me by the arms to her house to fix me. She thought I was worthy of being saved when my own father thought the opposite. Yn put me back together. She made me who I am. And this is the thanks I give her?

Elain has said all of ten sentences to me in the past year. I haven’t been able to do anything but replay every single one of them in my head. A thousand times– a hundred thousand times. I wish I couldn’t. It’s exhausting. Constantly thinking of her. But I don’t have a choice. 

I like the feeling of being able to feel again. But at the cost of Yn? At the complete sacrifice of all I’ve known for the past century? My rock? My best friend? Nothing is worth more. 

But it is far too late to do anything about it. I’ve lost her.

I want her back. 

Yn did things to me that no one else could. She just seemed to know when things were wrong. She always knows what to say, when to say it, and how. She never tells you what you want to hear, it’s always what you need. She is the most well rounded person I’ve ever met. She’s never afraid to feel her emotions. 

I envy that skill.

I’ve always hid my feelings deep down. It took years to decipher them again. But it was Yn who made me do it. She always fought for me, fought me for me. Yn never let me do it alone. Refused to, actually. Was there every step of the way and never told me I was taking too long or wasting her time. 

I get it now.

And there is nothing I can do. I have nowhere to go. Tears scald my eyes as I trudge down the little path that we beat into the grass. Day in and day out. 

I remember when we picked this place. We had only been in Velaris for a week or two when we stumbled across it. It was run down and needed a new roof. As a thank you for keeping Feyre safe on our journey across the Courts, Rhysand gifted it to us. Complete with a new roof, new furniture, a new kitchen for Yn to cook in. And he let us be. Well, let her be. I still had my debts to pay off. 

And then I met Elain and… fuck. Everything went to shit after that. 

There is no way of processing all of these emotions at once. These very real feelings I still have for Elain. And these all-of-a-sudden very fucking real feelings I now have for Yn. It’s how I imagine imploding feels like. My body wants to cave into itself and never fold back out. 

I pray to the Cauldron that I do self destruct. This feeling, a mixture between irrational rage and betrayal… I don’t wish it upon another living soul. And Gods know I’d sell mine to change everything I’ve just done. 

I don’t even know how I ended up at the Town House. All of a sudden I was just standing in front of it. I normally resent coming here, but for some reason I was relieved to see the bricks and busted up cobblestone sidewalk. Maybe no one would be here; Rhys was more often than not at the River House with Feyre and Nyx, indulging in the life of parenthood. Nesta and Cassian were probably somewhere in the House of Wind with Elain, Mor at Rita’s, Amren with Varian, and who the hell knows where Azriel is.

I can’t wait to be alone to scream. 

Fuck, the door is locked. Of course the door is locked, no one’s here. It takes every bit of control in my shiver-ridden body to not rip the door off its hinges. And it takes even more control to not collapse against the door and break down for the whole street to see. 

The lock clicks and the door opens. 

I force myself to appear relaxed. I wipe my tears and brush away my loose strands of hair. No use. My face is probably as red as the burning self hatred inside my twisted heart. 

“What are you doing here Lucien?” The High Lord asks. 

I gulp. Of all the people, it had to be him? At least it’s not Azriel, I think. I might hate him more than I hate myself. For actually getting Elain’s attention. Yn was right, I am selfish. “Sorry, didn’t realize you were in.”

“Did you leave something?” I don’t move, and I stay deathly still. Rhys looks me head to toe, and I know he can scent me from a mile away. “Lucien, what the fuck did you do?”

“Stay the fuck out of my head,” I snarled, pointing a finger at his chest. 

“I don’t need to read your thoughts. Your face says it all.”  Rhys crosses his arms over his chest, “Look, we’ve all told you that Elain is hard to reach these days. She isn’t worth-”

“This… this doesn’t have anything to do with Elain.” I lied. He seemed to know it. “Can I just come in?”

Rhys just steps aside, shutting the door behind me. “I don’t really have time for-”

“I fucked up.”

“Clearly.”

“Rhysand,” I said. So full of disgust. He looked at me with a blank expression. One I have seen too many times to not know what comes next. I eased up my tone. “Is anyone else here?”

“No,” he answers, moving around me and heading into a study on the other side of the living room. 

I can’t help but think of how we all gathered in that living room a few months ago for Solstice. Exchanging gifts and drinks and smiles and stories. I vividly remember making Yn laugh so hard she tipped her head over the arm of the couch, sending her wine tumbling to the ground. The stain still on the small rug almost makes me smile, and it almost makes me burst into tears. 

“I ruined everything in my life. Yn’s gone.” I could feel the air freeze around me. “Not like, gone gone but she’s… I don’t think I’ll ever be seeing her again.”

“So this is because of Elain.”

I bit my tongue so hard I thought I’d bite it off completely. But I sighed, the tears coming with it. “Yes.” A really long pause. “She told me I’m-”

“You’re Yn’s mate?”

“Yes.”

“And you never knew because you were so focused on Elain.” “Is that supposed to be a question?”

“It was, but you just gave me your answer,” Rhys sat. “Do you want me to keep guessing or are you going to tell me what happened?”

I took the biggest breath I could, steading my words. “I missed the opening of her restaurant because I was with Elain.”

Rhysand looked at me with such revulsion that I thought he might put me through a wall. Those wicked, violet eyes could’ve boiled my bones. For a split second I wished he would. I could tell he wanted to say something, but I don’t think there were enough words in the world for how much of an awful person I was. 

“There are things in this world that we sacrifice in this world Lucien,” Rhys said.

Hesitantly, “I know.” 

“And Yn gave up the biggest of them all. She shut her mouth to let you be happy. She did what I did for Feyre until she realized what situation she was in. You are one spineless bastard for doing anything but giving your life to her.”

“I know.”

“Have you any idea what you’ve done to her? She gave you everything you could ever ask for. From the moment the two of you stepped in my Court I could tell she only had eyes for you. When you are in the room you’re the only one she looks at. How could you have not known?”

“I don’t know…” “Yes, you do.”

I plunged my nails into my palms. “For Cauldron's sake Rhysand of course I know.”

“Then why did you continue to ignore Yn?”

“Because I couldn’t ever let myself think a female like her would like such a broken, dismantled and lost soul like mine.” Rhysand stared at me. “When Yn pulled me from the border to fix me, she spent every waking moment of her life stringing my mind and body into one piece. If I let myself think for even a second that it was anything other than kindness, I would’ve gone mad.”

“Would it have been so terrible to love her?”

“I’ve always loved her. I just never thought I’d be allowed to love her the way she loves me.”

“Because of Elain?” “Because of Elain.”

Rhys blew out a breath, sitting down on the corner of his desk. “So, let me see if I have all of this correct. You wouldn’t let yourself fall for Yn because you thought you were unworthy. Instead, you sabotaged both of your happiness for Elain simply because she was your mate and you just wanted to feel something?”

“It sounds so much more fucked when you say it outloud.” I rubbed my hands over my tired, burning eyes. “And it’s not just because she’s my mate, Rhys. I genuinely like her. She’s… she has the potential to be so sweet. I’ve seen glimpses of it, heard stories from Feyre and Nesta. Why won’t she let me see?”

“You are still clueless, aren’t you?” He scoffed. “Here you are, a ruined man because you drove away your best friend, and you’re still worried about someone who doesn’t want you. Pathetic. You are a selfish son of a bitch.”

“I can’t just ignore Elain. It’s impossible to think of anything else but her and how I can help her.” “Lucien,” Rhysand stopped me from going on another tangent. “Maybe start considering that she doesn’t want you.”

“What?” My lip trembled. “N-No she… we have a bond. It’s there she just needs time. I’m her mate, she’ll want one eventually.”

“Just like Yn will want one?” His eyes were as viscous as the tone of his voice. “You are doing the same thing to Yn that Elain is doing to you. You understand how that feels. Now imagine that Elain was the one you found on the border of the Spring Court and you spent decades nursing her mind back into her body. Recreating her personality and passions. Wouldn’t you be a little fucking irate if she started showing interest in another male after all you did for her?”

I froze.

This was so much deeper than I ever thought it could be. But I could see it. Bringing Elain back to herself all for it to be thrown away by another male. Azriel filled that roll, and I was filled with raw fury at the mere thought of that happening. 

“So now you see what Yn has been dealing with. And Gods, Lucien, she has been dealing with it for a long while. What you did was wrong, unjust, and unfair. And for you to be with Elain on the day of her grand opening, where all of us just were, is… that may be unforgivable.”

“I don’t deserve to be forgiven for what I’ve just done…”

My shoulder hunch, and my chest cracks. I am a bleeding mess of tears. I can barely stand as I openly sob in front of Rhys. I’m surprised when he shoves a chair under me instead of letting me crumble to the floor in my self induced agony. And I’m even more surprised when he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

It’s Yn. It’s always been Yn. There is nothing in this world that can compare to her or her kindness or her love. What a fool I have been to not take the hand that was given me. What a selfish, self-serving waste of a man I have been to her. 

I can’t take it. I have to have her back. I have to fix this. I have to. I have to. I have to. 

I stand. “Woah, what are you doing?” Rhys tried to get me to sit down. 

“Yn- I have to fix this with Yn-”

“No,” Rhys slams me back into the chair. “You are not going to march back over there.”

“I have to,” I yelled. “I can’t let her kick me out without her knowing that I’m sorry. That I’ll do anything she wants me to to win her back. I can’t be without her, I need her.”

“She kicked you out?” I nodded. “You’re not going anywhere. She clearly doesn’t want to see you. Nothing you could say to her would suffice. Especially right now. She needs time. She needs space. If I find out that you go back to your- her house, I’ll drop you back in the Spring Court, do you understand me?”

I nod viciously. 

“Good,” Rhys let out a heavy breath. “You can have your old room back. Nothing in it but a few storage boxes. Everything is otherwise untouched.” Great. My old memories to haunt me. Just what I needed. For a very short week we stayed here. Yn’s room was right across from mine. Just another reminder of everything that’s happened between now and then. 

I slump in the seat, letting tears trickle down my nose and onto my knee. Watching them evaporate and dry, just for the material to be soaked again. “I’m so sorry Yn…”

I heard Rhys whirl around, and I could feel the tension across the room. He probably thinks I’m mad. I might as well be. 

More footsteps sounded than people in the house and Cassian walked in the room. Luckily I was facing away from him. “Don’t tell me he’s a part of our special detachment.”

I rolled my eyes. Cassian, ever the charming.

“No, he’s… well, he’ll be living here for a little while.”

“Do I wanna know?”

“It’s none of your business,” I snapped. No one spoke. I sighed for what felt like the billionth time today. “Sorry.”

“What happened?” Cassian asked, coming to stand next to me, his body reeking of sweat and dirt. All I had to do was lift my head and I think he understood enough. That or Rhys told him. “I won’t say anything cause I’ll probably just make it worse.”

“Probably,” Rhys nodded. 

“Probably.” My eyes burned, so did my skin. “I have to get all my stuff out tomorrow. She told me to.”

“Then you’ll do it tomorrow. Not tonight, tomorrow. Respect her wishes, or I will make you.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“We’ll be back,” Rhys grabbed a few things from his desk then ushered Cassian out the door. “Don’t do anything. Just stay here.”

It could’ve been twenty minutes or two hours until I finally moved upstairs. Forcing myself to not go to Yn’s room was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. All the conversations we had, all the plans we made. It’s where she first got the idea of her restaurant. She literally had a dream and made it a reality. 

I’d be lying if I said I told her how proud of her I was. I never have. Why have I never told her that? Could I really have been that caught up in Elain that… Wow. It’s funny how you only realize after the fact. 

My bed caught me as I collapsed into it, tucking my knees into my chest. I am such a loser. Pathetic. Just like Rhys said. My heart would burn up and die at this rate. It was a mystery how I hadn’t burst into flames yet. 

There are so many things I need, and Yn takes the top of the list. She had always been everything I needed. When I needed comfort, I went to Yn. When I needed solutions, I went to Yn. When I needed answers, to be heard, to be validated, to be loved… who was I supposed to go to now? Definitely not Rhys or Cassian, and certainly not Elain.

Maybe for the first time ever I wanted nothing to do with Elain. I didn’t want to see her. I couldn’t care less if I ever saw her again. Her presence in my life has done nothing but tear my other relationships apart. 

She’s the reason I’m here in this mess.

_____

At some ridiculous hour of the night– morning? Is that the sun?– I heard the door open. I shot up, then deflated down. I wasn’t in my bed. I wasn’t at home. And that wasn’t Yn walking in the door. 

Every thought and emotion rushed back into my head, creating an endless tangle of thoughts. The next more horrid and self destructive than the last. I deserve it. 

Missing the opening of her restaurant, Latibule–an ancient word for refuge or safe place–was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never be able to make that up to her. I turned her biggest accomplishment into a slimy, diseased memory. I ruined what was supposed to be the best night of her life.

I’ve let her down in a way I’ll never be able to repair. 

Even Rhys and Feyre were there last night. And I wasn’t. Nesta and Cassian. Azriel, Amren, Mor… they were all there, supporting her. And I was with Elain. She probably wanted to go, and I was there, holding her back. 

I need to get out of this room before it crushes me whole.

I could see the sun just barely peeking over the Sidra when I stepped outside, cloak wrapped tightly around my head and shoulders to keep out the early morning bite. 

There wasn’t a soul around, Velaris still blissfully asleep besides this one small corner store that sold hot tea and pastries all hours of the day. Rustling in my pocket was just enough for a peach turnover and a cherry blossom tea. 

The bell chimed above the door as I walked in, knocking my boots against the step to not track dirt in. 

“Early start to the day, Luc?” Ms. Immy smiled from behind the counter, polishing a few mugs before moving to come to the display case, packed full of delicious goods, savory and sweet. 

“Unfortunately,” I sighed. “Couldn’t really sleep.”

“Well I am glad to have you in, the usual?”

“That would be great, Ms. Immy.” 

The lovely owner of the bakery was Ms. Immy. One of the older members of the Night Court but as wise as they come. She’s the kindest, most gentle fae to roam Prythian. With her soft, sage green eyes and long, slender ears adorn with piercings, Ms. Immy was by far one of my favorites here. 

The kettles whistled behind her as she dipped a tea bag into my mug. Ms. Immy always had designated mugs for her regular customers. Mine was made of green clay, mostly green with a white oval on the front with two lines of flowers. In the center of it all was a simple fox. She once told me that I had the spirit of one of those extinct creatures in the human lands. That I was reserved, and at my core I fiercely protected those I cared about.

If only I had been able to protect Yn from myself.

Her mug had been one crafted of the moon and the stars. With all the constellations of the Gods being lifted into the air by the magic of the Cauldron. Ms. Immy had told her it was a visual representation that Yn was a great reminder of the past to the current world. That she was lost art that was to never be forgotten. 

There is nothing I want more than for the rest of the world to be loved as fiercely as she had loved me.

“Here is your tea, Lucien,” Ms. Immy set the mug on the counter, pushing up the glass case and plucking a peach turnover out. “And for you as well.”

“Thank you,” I tried to smile. I stared at the blackberry tart next to the peach turnovers. Yn’s go-to. It made my blood run cold. 

I put the coins in her hand before I could begin to cry again and scooted out the door as another person was coming in. 

The table and chairs outside were hard and covered in a light mist. It creaked as I sat, just as it always did. I should've sat anywhere else, but my body naturally drifted to this exact spot. It had a good view of the street so Yn and I could watch the people walk by. Pretending we know every bit of their personal lives and beyond. Make up extravagant stories and adventures for the most boring looking individuals in hopes they may one day get to go on them in another lifetime. 

Gods she is everywhere. She’s in the tavern across the street, in the stones on the ground that we used to kick on our walks. She’s in the sunrise, the same color of her heated cheeks filling the sky. There is no escaping what used to be my whole world. 

Silently, I let a few tears roll down my cheeks. I ought to be ashamed of showing so much emotion in public, but for some reason I can’t find the will to care. 

The door chimes and footsteps go back down the street. The door chimes again. 

“My fox boy,” Ms. Immy says so softly I almost don’t hear it over the roar in my ears. “What troubles you so badly you can’t sleep?”

I bite my lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises. “I don’t know how to fix something that I’ve done.”

“You missed the opening of Yn’s restaurant.” She says. 

I nod. “How did you know?”

“Because I did not see you there, fox boy.”

“She kicked me out, Ms. Immy. I deserved it, every bit of what she said was true.”

“I think that is true, Lucien,” Ms. Immy came and sat in Yn’s spot, folding her hands in her lap, letting out a breath of air as she extended her old, feeble legs. “Nobody is happy with what you’ve done but-”

“I didn’t mean to blow her off Ms. Immy I just-”

“But,” she cuts me off with a pointed look. “I think you are a very lost soul. For the first time in your life you are truly free. No High Lord to obey, no throne to fight for, no war to fight in. Just a High Lord to serve and to respect. You have everything you could ask for, and yet you have no idea what to do with it.”

She’s right. She’s always right. “I want to fix it. I have to.”

“I am afraid that may not be what the spirit of the Gods wants.” Why is it that I get called fox boy and Yn get’s called something as majestic as ‘spirit of the Gods’? “If those are her wishes, you are going to respect them. Eternally.”

“I will go mad. If I don’t have her by my side for the rest of my life I will go mad.” “So you share a bond with her as well?” She asks. 

“I don’t know. All I do is that I haven’t stopped crying and shaking at every reminder of her. No matter how small. Life without her in it is meaningless to me. Afterall, she is the one who gave it back to me.”

“And a good job she did, fox boy,” Ms. Immy smiled softly. “You are a good male who has been blinded by instincts. While it is not your fault, it has become your problem. And by the looks of you, it seems like it has become quite the ordeal.”

My shoulders dropped as I put my head in my palms. I breathed. “I don’t know how to function without her. She has been there, every day of my life, for nearly seventy years, Ms. Immy. We did everything together. Our mornings were spent as one, our evenings, all the restaurant planning and-and brunches here with you-”

“Breathe, Lucien-”

“How am I supposed to just pack up my things today and move on? H-How am I supposed to just carry on as if she never existed in my life? The thought of not being able to see her every day makes me want to peel the skin off my flesh.”

Ms. Immy looked at me, the hard lines in her face becoming more defined. “Listen to me very carefully, fox boy. What’s done is done. You cannot go back in time and take back what you said. The worst of it is over. Now comes the long process of trying to piece your life together. Whether Yn will be able to help you will depend on what you decide to do in the next several days. If you follow her wishes of moving out and staying clear, there could be a chance in the future. But, if you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope.”

If you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope… Words have never stunned me quite as forcefully as Ms. Immy’s had. The true gravity of the situation has set in, if it hadn’t already. One wrong move and she’s gone. For good.

“There is a reason why you are my little fox, Lucien,” Ms. Immy stood, taking my cold mug that I hadn’t touched. “They were intelligent, cunning creatures, just as you are. Do not let your instincts guide you to a decision. Let your heart and the facts do it for you.”

“The facts? What facts?” “The fact that you have screwed up. The fact that Yn has made a decision for you since you were incapable of doing it yourself. It is truth, and it hurts, but it has to for change to come.” And then she went inside. 

I sat with those final words for far longer than I anticipated. It was long enough for people to begin leaving their homes, the streets beginning to fill with people. 

Yn would be out of the house by now, opening for the restaurant’s breakfast hours. I could go now. Or I could stay here and try to blend into the hundreds of faces passing in and out. But I need to move. Yn might come in for her apple cider and blackberry tart. If I saw her right now I’d surely do something stupid. 

As I walked, the clouds blocked out the sun and it began to drizzle. The drizzle turned into a steady rain, then a downpour. I was soaked through my cloak and boots, water seeping in and out with every step. My hair stuck to the back of my neck. 

I kept my head down as I walked, afraid of being recognized. If Ms. Immy had been there to not see me at Latibule, who else? 

The cobblestone ended and mud replaced it. I knew where I was.

The old, beaten path dared me to go up to the house. It beckoned me. From here, at the bottom of the hill, I could see several boxes stacked up outside the door, the disposable brown material soaked through with the rain. She was serious…

Some part of me– the extremely selfish part– has been secretly hoping that she’ll tell me she made a mistake and that she wants me back. But I think those boxes are a not-so-gentle-shove in the opposite direction. 

The key in my pocket might as well have been the key to another universe, because when I opened the door it was like I entered a whole new world. One without me in it. All the pictures of us, all the paintings Feyre had done for us, were off the walls. All the plants and trinkets and decorations I gifter here were piled in the corner for me to collect.

How could so much damage have been done in just a few hours? 

One by one, I packed away the things into the soggy boxes. I moved from room to room. Silently. Hoping this was all a dream only to be launched back into reality with every memory that surfaced. Every possession I had given her in the last seventy years was piled here for me to take. 

She wanted no trace of me here. And I didn’t blame her. I don’t want any trace of me either. 

I must’ve stayed there for hours– crying, packing, reliving moments I had long forgotten only to cry again– because it was close to sunset now. Every trace of me was packed up; all those pictures, all those trinkets, all my clothes and bathing goods… everything I owned fit into these boxes. Everything except for the one person I didn’t want to do life without. 

But Rhys and Ms. Immy are right. If I try to do something now, to get her back, I’ll ruin any real chance. That is something I can’t afford. 

To an immortal, a few months or years equivalates to just a few minutes of human life. But if it takes years for Yn to accept me back in her life…

Besides the clothes and membranes from the Autumn and Spring Courts, I discard everything. I will tear myself to bits if I don’t get rid of them. Will I regret it down the road, probably, but I can’t have them. 

The two boxes and bag of clothes I carry from her house to the Town House are water logged and falling apart. It’s a miracle they didn’t unravel completely. Just add more humiliation to a High Lords son dragging boxes and bags through the street. I deserve all the stare’s and hushed questions. 

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the sights of Rhys and Cassian helping me carry them up the stairs. 

“I don’t know how you’re feeling but-”

“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Just… just don’t. I don’t want your pity, Cassian.”

“I am probably the last person besides Azriel who would pity you, Lucien. And I had no intentions to belittle you for what you did. I was going to offer you a spot in my training ring if you ever needed an escape.”

His kindness shocked me. I can’t say I know the Illyrian well, but this gesture spoke a lot to his character. So I sighed, of course I thought he was going to be hostile to me. Everyone should. “Oh.”

“Training starts at eight and goes to one. Come well fed and in something warm. The top of the House is colder.”

Neither of us said anything else as he left me to unpack.

______

Some weeks later I had taken Cassian up on his offer. Him and Nesta were great at kicking my ass and telling me about it. This side of both of them was far different than the ones I had seen. Here, Cassian wasn’t a prick. He was an instructor, teaching me how to defend my life and my honor. Nesta was… less Nesat. She channeled this otherworldly presence and became one with her weapon.

Me on the other hand… it was far more difficult. Fighting and battle wasn’t rooted in my blood like it was for Cassian. It was much harder for me to get it but I sorta did. Sorta. 

“Just keep working on that footwork and it’ll help with the sword placement. If you’re solid by the end of the week, I’ll put a real one in your hands,” Cassian grinned, chucking me my practice weapon. 

It brought a quick smile to my face. As fast as it was there it was gone. Like most these days. 

When I got home, I rifled through my closet. Brown and green and cream colored shirts after another. Where was that Night Court Blue one I had gotten a long time ago? I could’ve sworn I plucked it from the pile on the floor- no, that was a towel. I was planning on wearing it to dinner at the River House tonight for Mor’s birthday.

Oh, Yn has it. I had given it to her to wear for a meeting with a realtor when looking at properties. She had tucked it into this black leather skirt.

I’ll swing by on my way to the party to get it. Mor always liked the color on me, and said it brought out the fire in my hair. She’ll appreciate the gesture.

After a shower and some other outfit choices, I can’t help but want that blue shirt. I’ll just go get it.

Through the falling leaves, I make my way down the street, across it, and to the meadow. There are six or seven houses with smoke billowing out of their chimneys. But there, right in the distance, is her house. She’ll be at her restaurant tonight so I know I’m safe. 

I scurry up the path, still worried about being seen for some reason. 

Has it been easy these past couple weeks? No. I haven’t been able to think of anything but her. Or dream of anything but her. It’s awful. Not her, but the fact that somehow, someway, she is still everywhere I am. In those memories in the darkest part of the night. The darkest part of my mind reserved for her and her only. 

I hadn’t dared to go visit Elain. I don’t feel the need anymore. Which is relieving and frightening at the same time. It’s like there is a gaping hole in my heart that nothing will fill. Not even training. It proves a good secondary distraction, but nothing can suppress the primary guilt I feel every waking–

What is that smell? I stopped just shy of the door, key in hand. It wants to smell like the rest of the smoke and ash wafting into the air from the nearby cabins, but it’s… more alive? What if she left the stove on? Or a candle? There are hints of woods mixed into it, but not the type of woodsy scent from pine or maple logs. 

I jam the key in as fast as I can to unlock the door. What if she left the fireplace burning or had an electrical fire or-

In the span of five seconds, three things happened. One: Yn was here. And she looked so beautiful. Her eyes are bright and full of color. Two: she was being held by someone, his hands on her cheeks. Three: boiling rage shot through when I realized who it was.

Eris.

~~~~~~~~~

Part 3

[thatguywasvaping]

🏎️💨 THE FORMULA 1 TAG GAME! 🏎️💨:

i don't know who else to tag honestly but thank youuu @wisteria-wisteria for tagging me 😉

1. Who or what got you into F1?

i've been wanting to tell this story to someone cuz i think it's so dumb

so well, my dad and my cousins are HUGE f1 fans they always talk about it on the family gc. it was the mexico 2023 gp (we're mexican btw and just like every single men in mexico they love checo) and we all know what happened to checo in that race so they were fuming and honestly i was enjoying it and all the memes on twt

anyway i never really cared about the sport, to me it was just men going vroom vroom in circles for an hour but then the brazil gp came

we were in my grandparents house, i was in the living room and they were watching the race obviously, it was just about to start and then something magical happened that changed my whole life... charles leclerc crashes on the formation lap and i thought omg who's this dumbass 🙄 but then i heard his voice with that sadness you only hear in eastern european gay porn saying "why the fuck am i so unlucky?", i was like damn he's so me, my dad was asking me to traduce what he was saying, i had no context of everything that happened on the season but i could just think damn is this not the first time that it has happened to him? poor bro

then i saw him get lost in the motherfucking woods and i was crying laughing at this point wondering who the hell is this guy?

i made a mental note to search his name on twt later, anyway the race went on and i was actually getting invested in it, i remember my cousins had to leave but they were all i want to see checo pass hamilton bla bla bla and i had no idea who hamilton was but i wanted to see it too it was so exciting. when i got back home i went into a charles leclerc rabbit hole in twt and tumblr and tiktok, then i learned more about all the other drivers and as someone who was lacking content of my man finn wolfhard i was getting bored and seeing this guys being a chaotic mess and getting content of them every weekend i was like fuck it they're my new blorbos especially charles❤️

and now here i am :) the end.

2. Who was the very first F1 driver you supported? Do you support them now? Have your opinions on them differed or stayed the same since then?

i am a charles leclerc girlie and i will always be he's my sunshine i will fight anyone who dares to say something bad about him, i just love him so much he's so determinated and passionate i am so sure he will achieve his dream but he's also very kind, charming, funny. his history is also so amazing to me, his mental strenght is unbelievable and has motivated me to keep going no matter what, he's very dear to me, i admire him so much and i don't think it will ever change because he amazes me more and more everytime.

3. Who’s your current favourite F1 driver?

charlieeee obvi but i've also been very obsessed with max lately they are fighting for p1 in my favorite drivers championship every single day hahahah

maxie poo i love you babygirl 😘

ok but now seriously MAX VERSTAPPEN YOU ARE A FUCKING LEGEND AND DESERVE ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD he means a lot to me now too

i love lando and oscar also i hope they achieve amazing things with mclaren they have so much talent and potential i know they will be great

and ofc mi gente latino 🇲🇽✊ checo pérez you are my dad and i support you no matter what also he's so unintentionally funny as max said i'll just call him lovely 😌

4. Is there a driver pairing or pairings you support? What made you attracted to that pairing in the first place?

LESTAPPEN MY GOD when i tell you that i think about them every day i'm not joking at all

my roman empire as the tiktok kids would say

i just love them for the same reasons everyone else does they have been racing against each other for most of their lives and of course they've had their rough patches but they respect each other and love racing together, they push the limits and will do everything to win but they always keep that mutual respect and admiration

i got into them with the inchident video it's just hilarious max being all mad like no it's so unfair 🙄 and charlie being like just an inchident 😘 I CAN'T THEY'RE SO ICONIC LIVE LAUGH LOVE LESTAPPEN we love emotional support rivals

also shoutout carlando, maxiel, charlos, chestappen, landoscar they are so funny love seeing them do stupid shit but also have each others back

5. Do your parents, siblings or relatives have a favourite team and/or favourite driver(s)?

my dad will die for red bull especially for checo, i don't really know my cousins favorite drivers but they like ferrari and one of them has a charles leclerc cap and a valtteri bottas one so i think them

i'm kind of a closeted f1 fan lmao because most of my life i've been like it's so boring just them going in circles but now i'm obsessed but also if i say i like it now they would be like you just like it because the drivers are good looking

and i mean YEAH but fuck just let me enjoy it and it's also my first season i'm still learning give me a break bruh

6. Do you have any favourite races? Are there any that stand out to you the most?

like i said this is my first season and i started pretty late but they first race i ever watched from start to finish was ✨las vegas 2023✨ and as a charles fan i will never forget that last lap where i was mourning p2 already and all like well let's hope for the best on the next race😔 when all of a sudden i see this mf overtaking checo, it was 1am and when i tell you i JUMPED from the couch and started screaming and jumping around, genuinely i will never forget it

7. Do you have a favourite circuit? Can be from the past or from the current calendar.

i don't really know about each circuit that much but i like monaco

8. Have you ever been to an F1 race in real life? Feel free to tell us your experience going to one if you like.

naaahh they're expensive af maybeee one day i'll go to the gp in mexico city but in a very distant future

9. Have you ever met an F1 driver in real life?

i see checo's face in every corner in my city does that count?

10. Do you have a favourite F1 car? If so, what is it?

i like the mercedes' cars just for the mere reason that they look cool to me and since i don't know all the technical stuff i think i could give you a pepper answer once i learn more

11. Do you have a favourite one win wonder?

not really ✌️

12. Do you have any favourite quotes from the F1 world? This can either be inspirational or hilarious.

when max said "i always thought that if i would make it to F1, charles will also make it"

what can i say i love my babygirls

[vargskelegore]

HI OMG!! i just read ur shuri x reader transfer student fic and i absolutely love it so much!! what ab reader taking shuri to one of the football games and just seeing how the hbcu culture is?? like the band, the majorette team, the cheerleaders, the sororities and fraternities??? like shuri would fall in love with the environment i feel like.

THANK YOU FOR SENDING IN SOMETHING!!! i actually LOVE this idea so much bc I WAS THINKING THE SAME THINGGGGG. we see each otha!! (i switch between using 3rd and 2nd person pov when i do headcanons so i apologize if its confusing!!)

so, a lil backstory

when reader was in high school, they HATEDDD football games and pep rallies

they were so boring.

like you know the song called the horse by cliff nobles?? the song like every damn high school band played??

even readers school couldn't play that shit right. just bland.

so when reader began attending an hbcu as a freshman, and they did football games RIGHT???? oh my god reader was on cloud nine.

they've liked these football games ever since

and they wanted to make sure that shuri had the same experience as them when they first started going to school

so the first game rolls around on friday

and you're taking a walk with shuri (yall started taking these daily campus walks together.. a lil gay if you ask me 👀)

and so you finally break the news about the football game

i would assume wakanda is more knowing of soccer than football games, but they certainly dont live under rocks, i think they know what "football" is

nonetheless, shuri was mad confused when you told her that people dance and play songs of the black american culture at these games

but she's also very intrigued

you explain more thoroughly, and that was all it took for her to be onboard

i mean, she was hella excited for it.

so when the day finally comes, you were planning to pick up shuri, but lo and behold

that girl came to pick YOU up!

she's knocking on your dorm door, and your roommate is raising an eyebrow at you while shes doing her makeup.

"girl i told michael to pick me up at 5.. what is he doing here so early?"

and you too thought it was her date.

but you go and open the door, and see shuri standing there, wearing a hoodie of y'alls school and some jeans

and you already KNOW she got that short hair 😩

shes looking down at you with a smile, leaning on the side of your door.

"uh-- hey. i know you said you were coming to get me but i felt kinda bad because i let you get me all of the time since you know the campus better, but i thought me coming here was the least i could do to save you some trouble."

she's just smiling.

and your roommates mouth is wide open

you're literally so shocked, and kinda embarrassed because you weren't ready whatsoever.

guess wakandans really dont be playing about being on time, chile.

"uh, um-- give me one second hahahah." you have the most awkward laugh its hilarious

and shuri is so sweet about it she just nods at you and lets you close the door.

the moment you close that door??? omfg, your roommate is on your ASS

"OH? SO YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND DIDN'T FEEL LIKE TELLING ME? AND SHE'S LITERALLY THE PRIN--"

the way you hush her almost immediately, hoping and praying to god shuri didn't hear that.

she did.

"shut up! shes literally just my friend! i told her about the game tonight." your cheeks are on FIRE i mean you're so embarrassed.

your roommate doesnt believe that one bit LMFAO

"yeah okay... you better get out this dorm before i go and ask her how long y'all been dating."

you never walked faster out of there.

coming face to face with shuri again was.. awkward.

for you

but shuri seemed so unfazed by it

"hi! are you ready to go?" she's just grinning. when i tell yall she is EXCITED

"yeah! of course.. sorry about all of that."

"no worries. i understand it was a bit sudden."

god she was always SO understanding, it made you melt.

and of course, you two are off to the football field.

fast forward to when y'all are at the game

shuri is having a blast! somehow she managed to pick up how the game of football even works very quickly!

and then we get to half time...

oh my god, shuri is in a TRANCE.

them majorettes are making her ass FOLD

she was having a gay panic attack chile

all them pretty women out there in those outfits, doing dance moves that oozes pure grace and sexiness???

yeah shes done for

she also REALLY enjoys the band. they're playing songs she's never heard of before, but she's definitely asking you when y'all are walking home what exactly the band was playing LMFAOO

i like to think that during the football game she's getting attention she didn't realize she'd get

probably bc shes.. i dont know, THE PRINCESS OF WAKANDA???

but nonetheless, she's happily greeting people and carrying on like normal

and shes just having a blast with you

she's pretty sad when its all over 😭

time really flew by

and ofc, y'alls team won the football game.

some people were having parties after the game

but shuri wanted to take yet another walk instead

so y'all did

and this is where she shared all her thoughts

"that was so much fun!! i really think i'm gonna like it here. it kinda reminded me of wakanda a little bit." you could tell she was a tad bit home sick after mentioning her home country, but she brushed it off.

in order to distract her, y'all kept talking about the marching band and the music they played.

this is quite literally how she formed an entire taste of american music because she found out what songs were being played 😭

(btw, i think she has an obsession with michael jacksons music)

ugh if this was one of her fav experiences, just imagine homecoming for her!!!

this got to be a bit long, my bad 😭

requests are still open!! come n chat with me about shuri amen lights and walls 😌

[ikeromantic]

Hello dear, how’s everything? Hope you are morr than fine these days 😸 Say, for the aks, can I have a Hideyoshi with word “heat” and ♨️? (That is a osen/hot spring emoji btw, also it’s not necessarily a “hot” ask hahahah just if tou are in the mood otherwise is just fine with wtvr you feel like and feels comfortable writing) 💓

Ehehehe an opportunity to write Hideyoshi in a less . . . mothering . . . light! Approx. 900 words of heat, an onsen, and a healthy amount of spice.

Hideyoshi leaned back against the stone side of the hot spring and let his eyes drift shut. The water steamed the air around him like a hot, velvety fog. There were few occasions he could relax like this and it felt incredibly good to just let go for a little while. He took a deep, slow breath and sank a little lower in the water.

“I knew I’d find you here.” The chatelaine’s voice floated to him through the heated air. 

He opened his eyes and saw the outline of her at the far end of the pool. The steam was just thick enough to lend her figure an air of mystery, though he could clearly make out the swell of her breasts and the curve of her hip. She was a sight he thought he could never tire of. Hideyoshi’s mouth curved up in a pleased smile. “Are you joining me?”

“Yep. It’s just really hot.” She dipped her toe in the water and pulled it back. 

“You have to go slow, let your body adjust.” He moved over to her side. “It will be a little uncomfortable at first, but then you start to relax and it’s -” He searched for the right word for a moment.

“Perfect?”

Hideyoshi chuckled. “That works.” 

She sat down at the edge of the pool and carefully put her feet in. Her face was already flushed, her hair damp and clinging to her skin where it touched. The nervous expression she wore eased after a long moment, and she scooted forward to sink her legs into the water up to her knee. “That does feel good,” she sighed.

He took her foot in his hands and began to rub the tension from it. She worked hard, always taking on tasks and volunteering for things. The chatelaine needed this break as much as he did. They were both always taking care of other people and it was a nice change to just take care of each other for a bit. 

“Oh my god. You are so good at that.” She made a little sound of pleasure. 

Hideyoshi switched to her other foot. “I don’t have any training. I just go by your sweet expressions to figure out if what I’m doing works or not.” He grinned. “Right now, your face says ‘yes, yes, that’s the spot!’”

She laughed. “Are you teasing me right now, Mister Toyotomi?”

“A little,” he admitted. 

“Well, you can tease me all you like as long as you keep doing that with your hands.” She leaned back, setting her hands a little behind her hips. 

Hideyoshi wondered if she had any idea how she looked, sitting like that. Gorgeous came to mind. But that wasn’t quite right. Tantalizing might be better. He slid his hands up to her calf, continuing to work out her tension, though his thoughts were much less innocent.

The chatelaine regarded him through heavy-lidded eyes. “Oh is this a full body massage now? I thought you were just being sweet by rubbing my feet.”

“I think it ought to be,” Hideyoshi replied, trying to keep his voice level and calm. He didn’t feel calm at all. Desire set his pulse racing and thrummed in his low belly. But this was a hot spring and the point was to relax. Not . . . the many activities that stirred to life as he looked at her luscious beauty. 

She laughed. “I never actually had one before. It’s kind of expensive and I thought it would be a little weird to be naked or, I guess mostly naked, while someone you don’t know rubs you.” 

“Mmm. Yes. I wouldn’t want anyone else to touch you like that.” His hands slid up from her calves to her thighs. 

The chatelaine sighed in pleasure at his touch, her eyes fluttering closed. “Right? And that’s even without a happy ending. I don’t think . . . a real . . . masseuse does that . . . it would be so awkward!”

“A happy ending?” Hideyoshi leaned closer, not understanding. 

“Oh!” She gave an embarrassed laugh. “It’s a - a thing I heard. That some places kind of . . . finish you up? You know?”

“I don’t understand.” He didn’t, though he had a suspicion of what she meant. Services of a more intimate nature than just a massage. His fingers glided over her damp, slick skin, rubbing away the knots of tension in her inner thighs. Her legs slid a little further apart, and the sight of her like that sent a sharp need coursing through him. Relax relax relax, he thought, though the mantra did nothing to calm him. 

“Mmmm. Damn, I didn’t even know I was tense there,” she sighed. She said nothing more on the subject of happy endings, but Hideyoshi wasn’t going to drop it. The idea stuck in his head, fueled by the sight of her and the sound of her pleasure. 

This was a private onsen and they would not be interrupted. He placed a kiss on her leg. “So. These happy endings . . . they are a little more intimate than a massage?”

“Y-yes.” Her eyes opened and she watched him with a wary anticipation.

Hideyoshi brushed his fingertips over the soft skin of her low belly, tracing the line of her pelvic bone. “Creating some tension to release?”

She made a little sound of surprise at the touch. 

“I think I get the idea, but . . . “ He used his other hand to bring her closer to the edge, until she was sitting half off and half on the stone. “Why don’t you tell me if I got it right?” 

After that, Hideyoshi was a little busy with his mouth to say more. But based on the delighted noises his lovely made, he definitely had the right idea.

[sanjoongie]

Hate Sex:  J.WY ~ Part Two

♡Pairing: Jung Wooyoung x Reader (f) ♡Genre: non-idol au, enemies to lovers au ♡Word Count: 3,406 ♡Warnings: degradation kink, booty smacking, some dom!woo, fingering (f receiving), penetration with no barrier, breath play, m and f orgasm, creampie, wooyoung is shit at aftercare but he somewhat means well ♡Rated: 18+ MDNI, smut with angst! ♡Part One from Kinktober~ Hate Sex ♡Dedication~@mejuii @downtoamagicalland part two because when the vending machine was fed :D where would i be without you two hahahah

Leave it to Seonghwa to throw a party just for the excuse for himself to dress up in BDSM harnesses and label it as a "mercenary hot" theme.

Yunho was picking you up, as per normal, but when you slipped into the passenger seat and Yunho took his car out of park, his hand slipped on your thigh and you promptly removed it. Yunho gave you a brief look, not eager to remove his eyes from the road anytime soon, but still wondering why you wouldn’t let him do this small move that previously you let him get away with.

“You’re picking up Wooyoung too, remember?” You told him pointedly, keeping your eyes on the road as well.

“And since when did his opinion matter?” Yunho couldn't help but grumble. 

‘Because I don’t need to make Wooyoung any more jealous than he already is’, you thought to yourself but didn’t say that. “I just think you’re taking a lot of liberties with me, Yunnie.”

Yunho frowned, “I…what?”

You rolled your eyes, “Do you really think I’m that dense that I don’t know about your little group project? With the guys? Come on Yunho, the hand on the leg means something.”

Yunho cleared his throat. “You know about that?”

You sighed heavily through your nose. “Yes, Yunho, I know.”

“So… does this mean I lose then?” Yunho glanced over. Leave it to an Aries to be all about winning.

“Yes, Yunho, you lose,” You couldn't help but be bland and yet laugh under your breath.

Yunho let out a sigh of relief. “You’re not angry then, I take it?”

“I’m flattered but Wooyoung isn’t a fan, hence the hand removal,” You revealed.

Yunho winced, “You know about that too?”

“Oh my god, Yunho, yes! Geez.”

"Well, don't tell him you do. That would only upset him even more," Yunho pleaded.

Then it struck you; Wooyoung hadn't told anyone about fucking you. You didn’t have long to contemplate that fact because Yunho arrived in front of Wooyoung's place. Wooyoung opened the back door and threw himself into the back. “‘Sup losers.”

Yunho chatted happily with Wooyoung, who ignored you like he typically did. It all seemed like nothing had happened between you and Wooyoung. You were even more confused.

You weren’t the only one who was confused. It had been a few weeks since Wooyoung had fucked you and he still couldn't wrap his head around what the hell had happened. He kept replaying the night over and over in his head and it made him groan in frustration. How could he hate you so damn much but you simply adored him? It made him even more angry, actually.

What didn’t help you was that when the three of you entered Seonghwa’s place, San zoomed up to you, eager to show off his outfit. The tight, cropped vest that mimicked a bulletproof vest fit him wonderfully. You squeezed his arms in appreciation and San couldn't stop beaming from ear to ear. Wooyoung’s temper went from one to ten immediately. No one commented on his cross-chest straps or turtleneck sleeveless shirt. That’s it, he had enough.

“I fucked our favourite girl already,” Wooyoung announced very loudly. Jongho choked on the food he was eating. 

Seonghwa’s eyebrows puckered in confusion. “I thought you guys were having a Naruto marathon?”

Yunho looked dumb-struck. "I thought you hated her?”

“Wait, without me?” Yeosang demanded.

Mingi looked for clarification from Yeosang. “Are you asking without you for the sex or the marathon?” 

Wooyoung raised his chin stubbornly, “I do.”

“Then why fuck her?” San wondered.

You felt yourself sink into the cushions of Seonghwa’s couch. This was not how this party was supposed to go AT ALL. “Uh, do we really have to talk about this right now?”

Seonghwa looked at you in sympathy, “Wait, guys--!”

“So does that mean we all lost to Wooyoung?” Jongho brought up.

“Actually…” Yeosang chuckled, “About that…”

“No!” San shouted. “Yeosang?”

“He didn’t fuck her,” Wooyoung said smugly.

"So Wooyoung did win," Mingi looked hurt, as he usually did when he lost.

You stood up abruptly. "I'm gonna go!"

"Shit," Yunho cursed as they all watched you dash towards the front door. "Wooyoung!"

Seonghwa glared under a heavy brow. "Thanks a lot for ruining my party, Wooyoung."

Except Wooyoung wasn't paying attention to anyone but you. He felt empty; wasn't revenge supposed to be satisfying? He started walking after you, shaking off Jongho and San who tried to stop him.

Wooyoung busted through the door but you had simply slid against the wall opposite of it. Your head was on your arms, braced against your knees. Were you crying?

"Are you…okay?" Wooyoung asked tentatively.

Your head snapped up and you banged it against the wall behind you. "Wooyoung?"

Wooyoung's eyes were on the ceiling, avoiding your tear-streaked face. "I mean… I don't know why. You were perfectly fine with it when we fucked."

“I really didn’t think you were going to announce it to the boys when I was fucking there, Wooyoung!” You snapped.

That put Wooyoung on the defensive immediately. “It’s not like you didn’t know all of that already!”

“I’m sorry if I didn’t take well to you reaffirming with everyone that you fucking hate me!” You said, tears welling up once again. You dashed them away angrily.

Wooyoung’s stomach dipped. You really did like him. Wooyoung pushed a hand through his hair. “Well, you knew about that already too,” but with less venom in his voice than he had before.

“Why are you out here anyways? You wanna rub it in my face that I let you fuck me even though you can’t stand me? I would have thought that you would want to brag to everyone that I’m yours now and I’m addicted to your cock and how pathetic I am letting you fuck me even though I know that.”

Well, when you put it that way, suddenly Wooyoung’s hatred of you didn’t feel all that well founded. But he didn’t like the way you were making him feel right now. How was he the bad guy here when you were the one that was ruining their friend group? 

“This is stupid,” is all that Wooyoung could manage, sounding sulky even to his own damn ears. He kicked an imaginary rock.

“Yeah it is,” You said with a sigh. You stood up. “I’m leaving. Please don’t follow me. I really don’t want to be around you right now.”

Wooyoung watched you with dark eyes as you went down the hallway. He could already hear Yunho scolding him if he went back in there. And Seonghwa nagging him about his ruined party. The anger flared back in Wooyoung’s chest. No, he was not going to let you have the upper hand here.

Wooyoung walked angrily after you down the hallway, grabbed your shoulder and turned you around. “No. You go back in there and tell them that what we did was mutual! In fact, you tormented me even more so than I did to you. All your stupid heart eyes as I fucked you. Like that didn’t confuse the fuck out of me! No, you go back there and tell them that you loved me in spite of my feelings. You’re the one fucking all of this up. I was supposed to hate you!”

You stared up at Wooyoung, eyes wide. “What do you mean you were supposed to hate me?”

Wooyoung’s chest was heaving and the air passing through his throat burned but he was past the point of no return. “I don’t know anymore!” he yelled.

Now you were confused and hurt and angry. “Stop yelling at me!” You said, poking his chest angrily; the chest that you had licked and sucked and groped not only a few weeks ago.

Wooyoung frowned down at you. “Don’t touch me.”

“You put your hands on me first!” You shouted back.

“I’ll show you put my hands on you!” Wooyoung’s hands wrapped around your upper arms and pulled you adjacent to his body. 

Your eyes widened in surprise at the chubby poking through his leather pants and against your hip. He was… turned on right now? The fuck? “I’ll put my hands all over you,” Wooyoung said with a quiet threat. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You whimpered. You didn’t want this. Not again. Your heart was heavy but your body was reacting just like the first time. You were turned on by the heat of his anger, just as clearly as he was. "Fuck, Wooyoung."

Wooyoung leaned closer to your face. "So fucking desperate for me, aren't you?"

"Just shut up and kiss me already!" You said with some heat.

Wooyoung smirked. "I'm not the one desperate for your lips."

You smashed your lips against this, hungry for something you had thought you would never taste again. Wooyoung turned his head so that you had easier access to his mouth, which your tongue dipped into immediately. He tasted like the Amaro he had shot earlier but you didn't care; his kisses were always going to taste bitter to you because of the way he couldn't let his ego go and stop hating you. 

Now it was Wooyoung’s turn to swear. "Fuck, why do you always kiss me like you wanna dive into my mouth?" Not that he was going to admit that it made a feeling curl in his stomach, like he had taken a shot of something warm.

"Wooyoung, shut the fuck up for once!" You demanded and kissed him again, this time grabbing the back of his neck and bringing his mouth to yours once again.

By the time you were satisfied with his kisses, the two of you were panting in need, foreheads pressed together and barely letting your lips part for long. "Do I need to show you how much you're just as desperate for me?"

"Desperate my ass!" Wooyoung growled.

"Wooyoung, you were fucking pussy-drunk last time, don't even!" You huffed against his swollen lips.

Wooyoung bit down on those lips. "I did not." He wasn't going to speak on how that was the quickest he had come in a long time. He was just going to peg that on not getting off in a while.

"You are fucking ridiculous," You cursed softly under your breath.

Wooyoung took a deep breath and impulsively grabbed your hand. "We're going back to Seonghwa’s apartment."

You tugged back. "I'm not going back in there. And I'm certainly not going back in there with you."

Wooyoung narrowed his eyes at you. "Yes you are. If you wanna fuck me, you will."

"Wooyoung!" You whined as Wooyoung pulled you but you didn't really put any resistance into it because you knew you had to have Wooyoung again. You had to have a piece of him that wanted you.

"Oh good you're back!" Yeosang said in relief.

"Did you two talk it out?" Yunho asked hopefully.

You walked past them all with an awkward smile. Wooyoung said nothing, simply snaking his way between everyone and down the hall.

"Where are they going?" Mingi whispered loudly.

"Oh no… Wooyoung, don't!" Seonghwa wailed.

Had Wooyoung taken others to Seonghwa’s room to fuck? you thought as you stared at his back. 

Wooyoung turned around after opening the bedroom door, but his eyes dropped stubbornly from yours. "Get on the bed. I don't want to look at you anymore."

"Wooyoung…"

"On all fours!" Wooyoung barked.

Your eyes never left his face as you passed by him until you had no choice but to remove them as you crawled onto Seonghwa’s bed. You were on your hands and knees when you heard the door close and felt the bed dip behind you.

"Shoulda took you like this the first time," Wooyoung grumbled. "Just like the whore you are. Tap you from behind so I don't have to deal with your stupid feelings."

Wooyoung flipped your skirt over the small of your back and pulled your tube top down. The harness was the only thing holding your clothes on your body. You were fully exposed in any way Wooyoung wanted. He continued to mutter about how stupid this was, all the while, brushing his fingers over your ass and down the outer lips of your pussy.

You turned your head so you could cast a glance back at the red haired man that made your heart clench. "You gonna admire my amazing body all night or are you gonna fuck me, Wooyoungie?" You poked at Wooyoung verbally.

Wooyoung recalled your pain kink, so he slapped your ass. "I'll do whatever I damn well want because you'll take it all, won't you?" He admired the red imprint of his hand on your ass cheek. 

You leaned down, folding your arms under your cheek and waved your ass invitingly. "Come on, Woo," You cooed. " 'member how good it was last time?"

Wooyoung rubbed his fingers over your entrance, slicking them up before inserting two fingers into you. He finger fucked you, enjoying the lewd noises that were coming from your lower half. Now this part he understood; your want for him was a given, as should everyone's. Wooyoung was desirable. Everyone should get wet for him.

You didn't want to come this way, stripped down only for him to play with you with his fingers. The only way to truly get to Wooyoung was to shove the facts in his face. Wooyoung needed to fuck you again and he needed to feel something for you, anything. You were sure the second time would do it. So you did the only thing you seemed to know how to: piss him off.

"Oh, San's shoulders felt so fucking good earlier! It's too bad he didn't want you to feel them, huh? I bet clinging to those shoulders while he drills into you is nice," You contemplated.

"You wanna be drilled into?" Wooyoung said through gritted teeth. 

His hands left your body and you could only assume he was about to do exactly what you wanted. 

Wooyoung slipped into you with next to no resistance. "Such a fucking easy lay, you whore." Once you felt Wooyoung’s hips flush with your ass, you smiled to yourself. "Only for you," You murmured under your breath.

"That's right, only for me," Wooyoung panted above you. He began to move in and out of you, sucking air through his teeth at the sensation. "They all want you but I'm the only one who gets access to this tight fucking pussy. You only want my dick even though you're the last thing I want to fuck."

"Fuuuuuck," You groaned as Wooyoung rubbed the spot inside of you that made you feel damn good.

"C'mere," Wooyoung grunted. He raised you upwards, your back against his chest, the harness digging into your skin. His hand wrapped around your throat, simply to hold you in place. The new angle pulled another moan from you. 

You swallowed desperately against Wooyoung's palm. His other hand curled around your hip, thrusting into you with small cries. "So--fucking--desperate--for--me!" He said between thrusts.

"Woo," You replied weakly.

Wooyoung’s other hand moved up your stomach from your hip to cup your breast. He rolled your nipple between his fingers, pinching and pulling. "Just for me," Wooyoung licked and sucked love bites along your shoulder, "Everyone should see that."

Your ass bounced against Wooyoung’s hips, your own body working against him now, desperate for him to give you exactly what you desired. "Wooyoungie," You whimpered.

"Stop that," Wooyoung said, his voice raw, "Don't call me that. Don't say it like that."

His hand tightened on your throat and you made gurgled noise as he restricted your airflow. "Just focus on coming undone on my cock, okay? No need for anything more than that."

You nodded, unable to voice an opinion properly. Just as Wooyoung picked up the pace, flexing his hips, the edges of your vision darkened. You whimpered, your pleasure sharpening. Wooyoung let your air pipe go. "Such a kinky whore," he growled.

He let you collapse back to the bed, choking and gasping in air. He focused everything on gripping your hips and fucking into you. Your hands gripped the sheets under you, pleasure making your hoarse throat cry out, higher and higher, until an orgasm ripped through you. "Wooyoung!" You screamed, unable to help yourself.

"Finally!" Wooyoung grunted. 

He had been barely holding on. Fucking you from behind, the flare of your ass from your waist, was a feast for him eyes. All your clothes limited to around your waist made his dick throb. It really was like you were made for him. Watching you fuck yourself on his dick had been his limit. You said his name with such vulnerability that it made his heart skip a beat and his throat tighten.

Wooyoung sloppily thrusted into you, slapped your ass again for good measure, making you whine loudly, already come down from the rough orgasm, and then he unloaded into you with a moan. He thrusted weakly, spurting so much inside of you, that when he pulled out of you, he spilled out of you. 

Wooyoung blinked wearily, well aware that he hadn't even bothered to touch himself after fucking you the last time. He didn't want to think about you looking up at him, his hands around your throat and your pussy clenching around him. So his cum dripping out of you was the culmination of denying himself of thoughts of you. He balanced on the balls of his feet until you woke him out of his orgasm-stupor.

"I…" You laughed weakly, "Help?" You had zero strength to put yourself in a more comfortable position. 

Wooyoung rolled his eyes but his hands were gentle, turning you over to your side. "You're useless," he muttered, collapsing beside you.

"Made you come, didn't I?" You fought back immediately but your snarl didn't come out half as mean as you intended. "A lot, by the feel of it."

Wooyoung was glad you didn't have any energy to lift your head because his cheeks heated up. "Just konk out and shut up, why don't you."

"I'm not sleeping in Seonghwa’s bed after you fucked me stupid in it!" You protested but ironically yawned after your statement.

Wooyoung turned on his side but your eyes were already closed. He flattened your skirt over your hips and pulled up your tube top the best he could. He knew someone would be in here to see what damage was wrought. He'd spare you flashing anyone you didn't willing want to. 

His hand print still peeked out from the skirt and your shoulders were still lined with his love bites. Wooyoung couldn't help but smile smugly to himself. At least if someone peeked in, they'd see that he had claimed you as his toy. 

Wooyoung fell asleep thinking about how he could use you to aid him to get what he wanted. Maybe even Yunho would be tempted…

💔💔💔

Yunho was the only one brave enough to enter Seonghwa’s bedroom. Wooyoung hadn't locked the door, but it was more so, that everyone was worried about finding what had happened inside. Oddly enough, your head was tucked into Wooyoung’s chest and his arm was thrown around your waist to draw you closer to him. 

It might have been a little bit cute, if not for the fact that you had so many marks over your body that it was very clear of Wooyoung’s intent: mine. Which didn't make any fucking sense but Yunho didn't pretend to understand Wooyoung and his thought process.

Seonghwa entered behind him, using one hand to cover both of his eyes. "Tell me the good news first."

"She's not dead," Yunho stated sarcastically.

Seonghwa pfft-ed. "Of course she isn't. Wooyoung enjoys fucking with her too much."

"Or just plain fucking her," Yunho mused.

Seonghwa wrinkled his nose. "You aren't staring at them, are you?"

Yunho rolled his eyes. "Just get what you need and let them slink off in shame tomorrow morning."

Secretly, Yunho was hoping you had Wooyoung out of your system. He certainly did. Maybe you would call Yunho to pick you up in the morning, he'd take you to Starbucks and you'd let him put his hand on your thigh again. 

Because, even though this entire time you had been crushing on Wooyoung, Yunho had been crushing on you.

And the plot thickens.

[lunarsun12]

Hongjong Family Bonding Time

Masterlist

Yesterday night Seonghwa, got an urgent call from Soobin. Saying that his kids has gone wild and Yeonjun is beating them up. He requires back up from Seonghwa to reason with an angry Yeonjun. Without hesitation Seonghwa immediately left and drop a message for Hongjong to help babysit the kids. Which Hongjong was very reluctant to do but agreed anyways, as he didn’t to get say anything and already saw Seonghwa location already left the house.

Upon finding the news, Jongho took the opportunity to play a prank on his Appa. As he loves to mess with his Appa. Poor hongjoong regretted ever coming back home to deal with his little demons, that what he likes to call them.

However the kids has landed themselves into more trouble then they already have, due to a certain someone broke Hongjong prized possession.

Who could it be?

Back at the Ateez Parent chat

Today 21:00

Seonghwa🌸: Kids, who made a scratch in your Appa’s car?

Hongjoong🏴‍☠️: Finally you are home! You finally home, the day I have!

Hongjoong🏴‍☠️: The car is not mine, I don’t know who it is been sitting there for month now

Seonghwa🌸: I hope it is not the police again-

Hongjoong🏴‍☠️: Relax! We got Wooyoung under control now

Seonghwa🌸: Wooyoung is the least person I have to worry about. It’s… actually nevermind. Your day Hongjoong?

Hongjoong🏴‍☠️: It all started…

Flashback a couple hours of ago

Today 6:00am

Seonghwa🌸: Kids, your appa is coming home to babysit you today. As I have some errands to do, please behave and don’t cause trouble

Seonghwa🌸: And Hongjoong make sure, don’t fall asleep again. I don’t want to collect Mingi from the police station again

Back at the Ateez Kids Chat

Today 7:00am

Jongho🐻: WAKE UP IDIOTS HYUNGS

Jongho🐻: I won’t stop spamming until one of you replies

Mingi🦄: Yes Jongho?

Yeosang🍗: What is this ruckus! I barely slept becuase Yunho screams from next door

Yunho🐶: What? I was about to die as SOMEONE was distracting me

San🐱: I just wanted to talk as wooyoung refused to talk to me

Wooyoung🦊: You should apologise for missing our cuddles session, as you chose to hang out with MINGI

San🐱: I’m sorry but Mingi asked first. You should have ask earlier 😊

Wooyoung🦊: IS THAT EVEN TO ASK. ITS LIKE BREATHING AIR

Jongho🐻: Hyungs stop being dramatic! We got a golden opportunity!

Jongho🐻: Eomma is out the house today and we got appa today!!

Yunho🐶: Eomma leave the house like a full day?

Yeosang🍗: Wow! Today will be fun today! I love playing hide and seek with Appa

Jongho🐻: I suggest we pull a prank on Appa!

Mingi🦄: OH MY GOD. There is a fight in living room between wooyoung and san

Mingi🦄: Oh some short dude is here and made them apologise!

Yeosang🍗: THAT APPA

Jongho🐻: Just get wooyoung and san to come. Especially wooyoung, I need him to do something

Jongho🐻: How about we dye Appa hair back to blue like a blueberry!!

Jongho🐻: I nominate wooyoung he’s the fastest

Yunho🐶: That so boring! I reckon we give home scare. I heard he hates being scared

Yeosang🍗: I got a ghost mask in my room

Mingi🦄: Why do you have that?

Yeosang🍗: Don’t ask too much question Mingi

San🐱: I can distract him!!

Jongho🐻: Fine we go with Yunho idea. I guess it is slightly better

Wooyoung🦊: No I will!!

Yunho🐶: How about you two both distract him-

Wooyoung🦊: Fine, I am still made about the cuddle session thing

Yunho🐶: And Mingi how about we hang out in my room!

Mingi🦄: I want to help! It looks fun!

Yunho🐶: It best you don’t! It will be fun!

Many hours later

Wooyoung🦊: HAHAHAH I am laughing so hard. This is the funniest thing I have ever seen!

Yunho🐶: I never seen Appa in tears

Yeosang🍗: He even got down on his knees to make the ghost go away

Jongho🐻: You see I told you all this is a golden opportunity

Mingi🦄: …

Yunho🐶: Mingi why you are quiet?

San🐱: Eomma is home!

End of flashback

Hongjoong🏴‍☠️: That how my day went! Every time I went to bathroom they will scare me with that mask on

Seonghwa🌸: I can relate with broom closet incident. It’s scary when they gang up on you

Hongjoong🏴‍☠️: Hang on! MY AWARD SOMONE BROKE IT

Seonghwa🌸: Let’s call a family meeting

[hannieween]

1) awwww how is the sex in the beginning so fluffy but so hot at the same time✋️❤️⁉️

2) WE ARE BEGINNING TO SEE SOME GROWTH AYEEE🫡💗

3) SHE'S ON TOP LESSGOOO🫂💓🛐

4) "Questions," "I want you to have all my cum inside your pretty cunt 'til it's leaking." IM SCREAIMG WITHOUT THE S WUT THE ACTUAL FUCK🗣‼️

5) "Joshua was shirtless, you discovered a second after. The hickeys you made on his skin were on full display, from his Adam's apple to his chest." LESSGOOOOO PHONE SEX

6) oh.... no phone sex..

7) "Even if he rejected your feelings, you'd at least have that: a clear answer." OH MY FUCKING GOD i am massaging my head rn🫠😫🤡

8) "You are a dumbass," Yen told you as soon as you finished telling her all your troubles. "A big dumbass," she scoffed. THANK YOU MISS GURL WHO I FORGOT ABT BUT FOR THIS LINE ITSELF ID EAT HER OUT💪💋‼️

9) "He was busy, he was living a big opportunity. You couldn't burden him with your own little drama". Oof why did that hit hard even tho im never been in a silly little relationship but a silly little guy😨🥹🫣

10) "Only to find him completely asleep, head resting on the couch headrest, mouth parted, chest beginning to rise and fall slower." WAKE UP MOTHERFUCKER😤💀‼️

11) "Because you're–," his frown deepened and he had to take a sharp breath to compose himself. "You're not mine." YES EXACTLY‼️ YOU HAVE GONE PAST THE KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE BRO‼️ YOU FELL STRAIGHT INTO HER PUSSY🗣🗣 NOW PLS DATE AHHHHHHGH

12) "We'll find the right moment" is this suddenly a situationship AHH I CANT TELL WHAT SITUATION THIS EVEN IS AHHHHH🫣🫠‼️

13) "I thought it was hot that they were nearly drooling over you," I CAN DROOL AROUND YOUR DICK 🗣💗

14) "No, you promised you wouldn't do this again, I've had enough. We're talking." THE CLIFFHANGER IS ILLEGAL NOOOOOO 😫 💓‼️

OH MY GOOOOD

oh oh okay here i go:

idk!! even my bf was lowkey impressed haha

YESSS THERE'S SOME 🤏🏻 GROWTH!

for like two minutes but HEYOOOOO READER'S ON TOP!! 🔛🔝

(っ º - º ς)

WE GOTTA WAIT FOR THE PHONE SEX!!! (>ᴗ•)

hehe 👉🏻👈🏻

me too tbh but that's bc i have a splitting headache hahaha

HAHA HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT THE NPCS/j 🤣

i love me some angst it's yummy hehe

HAHAHAH THAT MADE ME LAUGH FR FR

YES!! I'M BEGGING FOR THESE TWO TO START DATING!! maybe they're giving me the headache

i guess we'll find out on the next chapter 😫

OH MY— ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀) i get u i do

TAKE ME TO PRISON

haha i love your reactions sm! i always anticipate your comments on my ask. ily 💟

[zazumlele]

Break my Lock

By ZaZum

By ZaZum

“So, Five Wee-Wees, tell me. Which one do you piss with?”

“Hah hah, very funny.” Shouto pushed his face out of the way and walked to where his bag was laying on the bed, searching for his night clothes.

“What’s funny? I think out of everybody, I’m the one who ought to know the function of each of your wee-wees! Hahahah” he jumped on his own bed while laughing, grabbing his phone to scroll at nothing in particular.

Todoroki fixed his deadpan look on him and grabbed ahold of one of the silver gadgets that were already on his bag, then said, very seriously, “This is the one you should be worried about” and fucking winked.

Sooo, this is a small piece from my TodoBaku fanfic, which you can access here :)

Words: 59904, Chapters: 12/?, Language: English

Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Mature (actually going Explicit)

“So, Five Wee-Wees, tell me. Which one do you piss with?”

“Hah hah, very funny.” Shouto pushed his face out of the way and walked to where his bag was laying on the bed, searching for his night clothes.

“What’s funny? I think out of everybody, I’m the one who ought to know the function of each of your wee-wees! Hahahah” he jumped on his own bed while laughing, grabbing his phone to scroll at nothing in particular.

Todoroki fixed his deadpan look on him and grabbed ahold of one of the silver gadgets that were already on his bag, then said, very seriously, “This is the one you should be worried about” and fucking winked.

“Pffffft” Bakugou forgot his phone and just rolled around on the bed, laughing out loud. “Oh my God, you’re so stupid!”

“You were the one who started it”, the taller boy said while taking his shoes and jacket off, getting ready for a shower.

“Yeah, right. But you know, you’ve actually hurt my feelings, Icyhot.”

Todoroki threw a questioning look on his direction, already prepared for whatever bullshit Bakugou would most certainly say. The blond made a dramatic pause before speaking, “It’s been five minutes already since we arrived and you didn’t ask to see my cute face not even once! Hahahahaha!”

He was occupied laughing again so he didn’t see Shouto jumping on top of him, rolling around until both of them ended up on the floor with a loud thud. He was laid down on his back with Shouto sitting on top of him and holding his hands down.

“Bakugou”, he said in that serious tone again.

“What?”, the blond replied good naturedly. That position wasn’t half bad.

And then Shouto made his best attempt at imitating the expression the Shinketsu girl gave him and the honey-sweet tone of voice. “Hey there. I want to see your cute face.”

Katsuki just lost his shit.

He recovered about a minute later, stomach aching with how much he had laughed. He didn’t remember the last time he laughed so much he ran out of breath. Shouto wasn’t laughing, but he was smiling and staring at him quite endearingly.

“Your laugh is too cute, I’m gonna get addicted to it.”

Bakugou stopped laughing abruptly and forced his scowl back on his face. He wouldn’t let him get away with that sort of comment.

“It’s not fucking cute, fuck off.”

“Oh yeah, it’s totally cute. Laugh again.”

“Fuck no, get off me!”

And that’s how they ended up with Todoroki trying to tickle him and then Bakugou doing it back and eventually turning it into a pillow fight that had them nearly destroying the whole room. They just stopped when there was a knock on the door and Shouto opened it to find a tired looking All Might staring at them disappointedly.

“Young men, I know you have your differences but can you please be civil towards each other just for one night? We can hear you fighting from across the hallway.”

Katsuki and Shouto shared a meaningful look before the taller teen looked back at All Might and assured him they’d do their best. He closed the door and moved to start rearranging their messed room into a plausible living space. “Heard that, Bakugou? Be civil.”

Bakugou tsk-ed and threw one last pillow at Shouto’s head for good measure. When they finished cleaning up their mess, Shouto took his change of clothes and marched for the bathroom they had inside the room. “Will you let me take my shower now?”

Katsuki reached for him one last time and pulled him towards himself. “No”, he said, and then kissed those stupid lips like he’s been wanting to all afternoon. “There, now you’re free to take your shitty shower.”

Shouto’s eyes were still watching Katsuki’s lips, quickly turning into a tease and kissing him one last time before whispering, “My five wee-wees won’t wash on their own” and leaving for the bathroom with a smirk on his face after succeeding in making Bakugou laugh yet again. Stupid bastard.

---------------------

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Todoroki Shouto, Bakugou Katsuki & Kirishima Eijirou

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shouto, Midoriya Izuku, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor, Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Kirishima Eijirou

Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Getting Together, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Secret Relationship, First Dates, Midoriya Izuku is a Good Friend, Kirishima Eijirou is a Good Friend, Homophobia

[just-some-random-blogger]

good day or evening from the mingming<з THIS KITTY is me when you say 28C is cold... 'i dont expect them to' actually i dont too. want some quality time with my catmom. meowmeow. but YOU. youre cruel... but fine i found you so its alright. im not religious so i cant fully understand you but. if it helps you and makes you feel confident, ig its good. bc its true. 'i hate war' true. tbh, 99% of destruction (which includes killing, violence and all) is the ugliest thing and has no right to exist. im so glad youve found your peace at loving yourself. maybe if all people could do it, there wouldnt be so much destruction. thanks for your support TT luv u so much TT 'i can be contrary and always build people up' ig you can. guess you are. you have a very welcoming and supportive image. HAJDHJS i'm glad youre good. no but should i be offended by this dry comparison??.... im not typing it on the phone to insert emojis love no TT 'favorite things FOOOOOD' YEEEEY it already sounds good! oh i love rice too! champorado looks tasty. its really uncommon for me so its reallyreally interesting. do you think we like any warm food bc its cold here?? we literally have okroshka... omg its so intriguing to learn abt things' history?? and mexican stuff? wow sounds surprising to me. like ive said im bad at history.. so yeah its really educational lol. omg you made spain look so cunning and mysterious (: you probably didnt mean it to but sounds so conspiratorially... 'what does poka mean?' bye. you didnt want me to message you so i said bye >:( too many symbols omgomg what speech? hope your hw is alright too... ok its your right to not continue watching. but that poor guy... you abandoned him... 'this was so dry i was like' i tend to sound pretty convincingly so dont worry youre not my only victim. should i call you saint hannah or saint catmom now?... 'I LOVE IT WHEN GIRLS GIVE BOYS FLOWERS' oooh flowers are pretty themselves. i need someone to give me flowers first. then ill think. 'IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEANT TO CONFUSE YOU' its ok its my revenge for dante. i learnt what it meant. yeah classical literature is a chore but... ive got a classical literature exam... i have no choice.... its pretty sometimes but when youre obliged to read it, esp at school... it wasnt meant for teens guys... ESPECIALLY russian classical literature.... can you tell anything abt filipino literature? 'her dad an ugly rat L' ig its not enough for him. even cunt is not enough for him. hasjsjs this aemond meme TT so true TT and i cant watch the tiktok as its banned in russia but i hope you laugh for me! also abt them! im finally watching official hotd's bts and WOW its so impressive? ig i needed to watch it insted of the series and wouldve been more satisfied. how were your classes? tell me more abt filipino culture please! its interesting! have a nice day/evening/night/life! love you! take care<з

HELLO MUNING <3

me playing the piano HAHAHAHAH

you know my mom is so so so good at playing piano. i am 99.9 percent sure that i got my love for music from her. i always wanted to learn how to play as good as her, and i mean i guess i could always practice but like she's so good that whenever she hears me she gets mad when i get it wrong T_T i means she isnt like that anymore but the trauma is real

THIS KITTY is me when you say 28C is cold...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHA

i meant its not cold but sometimes the air gets kinda cold HAHAHAH

'i dont expect them to' actually i dont too. want some quality time with my catmom. meowmeow. but YOU. youre cruel... but fine i found you so its alright.

quality time time haha ????????? WHY AM I CRUEL THIS TIME T_T

im not religious so i cant fully understand you but. if it helps you and makes you feel confident, ig its good. bc its true.

lol honestly its not that im religious either. i dont have the oppurtunity to go to church but i have a personal relationship with God so thats what that it. its so much easier to believe in God than yourself to be honest. i hope you find your confidence too!

'i hate war' true. tbh, 99% of destruction (which includes killing, violence and all) is the ugliest thing and has no right to exist. im so glad youve found your peace at loving yourself. maybe if all people could do it, there wouldnt be so much destruction.

WAR BOOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 war ugly L EW 👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎 im glad ive found my peace too. its a constant process and progress though. it fluctuates. sometimes i love myself SO MUCH sometimes like.... 1/9 sometimes 10000% sometimes .00000000000000000001 so like again my constant is God who never changes. dont be hard on yourself if you cant love yourself sO MUCH. baby steps count! progress is not linear!

i do also think if people found more love not just form themselves but others too there wouldnt be war. the irony in love is the more you give it away, the more you have!!!! I LOVE LOVE!!!!! that's why i have a lot of love to give! (｡･∀･)ﾉﾞCOS I LIKE GIVING IT AWAY

thanks for your support TT luv u so much TT

'i can be contrary and always build people up' ig you can. guess you are. you have a very welcoming and supportive image.

love that for me

HAJDHJS i'm glad youre good.

я всегда голоден. 24/7

no but should i be offended by this dry comparison??.... im not typing it on the phone to insert emojis love no TT

HAHAHHAHAHAH that's fine. it's a russian thing ig AHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH it'S NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE! it's a hasty generalisation fallacy but hahahha in my head its canon lol HAHHAHAHA

'favorite things FOOOOOD' YEEEEY it already sounds good! oh i love rice too! champorado looks tasty. its really uncommon for me so its reallyreally interesting. do you think we like any warm food bc its cold here?? we literally have okroshka...

well i mean i would assume if its too cold you'd want to eat smth warm no? its not to say you dont like cold things either . IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE CHAMPORADO MY MOM MADE CHAMPORADO AND IT WAS SAAAAUUURRRR GOOOOD i love eating. imma show you another dish i love love love love so much

GINATAN

OK OK I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU

so ginatan or ginataan comes from the word gata which is like coconut milk like like the creamy version cos coconut milk has like a juice version but that's just juice the coconut milk is from like squeezed coconut flesh hehe lol. ok so ginataan means like 'a dish with gata/you put gata'

and theres like a savory version of ginataan

idk in the internet it has a g as in ginataang which i guess makes sense cos if you said, ginataang hipon, that means shrimp (hipon) with coconut milk (ginataang lol)

but you can literally call any dish with coconut milk ginataang. but that's like the savory version.

idk honestly sometimes when someone says we have ginataang i get bamboozled and think its ginatan (which is the dessert) so even i get it confused but i think the difference (in the name) is that if its the dessert, we say ginatan, with one a in the end and if its the savory dish (IDK WHAT TO CALL IT IN ENGLISH IN FILIPINO ITS ULAM AND ITS WHAT WE EAT WITH RICE AND IDK IF THERES AN EQUIVALENT OF THAT IN RUSSIAN SO IMMA JUST CALL IT SAVORY DISH) its ginataang

ANYWAY super side tracked.

Ginatan

this one! ^^^^^^^^^ 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤 has got to be one if not MY MOST FAVORITE food ever ever ever (ok maybe dessert lol)

there are many variations of it but my fav is the one with bilo-bilo which is usually called ginatang halo-halo HAHAHAHH we like saying things twice. ok halo-halo basically means mix-mix and it's also a dessert!!!

ITS ALSO ONE OF MY FAVORITE I LOVE FOOD SO MUCHL:ASHDFLAHSFLHASFaf

the reason why both of those are called halo-halo is because its mixed with A LOT of different things. (i'll talk about halo-halo first ig)

halohalo (im too lazy to put the -) has like ube ice cream, ube (that's actually ube T_T oh ube hayala its called HAHAHAAH (you can put that in bread! and its sweet! HAHHA

it also has leche flan (you know that right? HAHAHH like flan but we call it leche flan cos milk is leche in spanish) it also has gulaman!!!

its fundamentally like jelly ig

then nata de coco (tbh less people put it there and i think thats sad)

this is kind of like gulaman but harder and sweeter and sometimes it leaves a pulp in your mouth!!! ?????!!?!?!?!? it kinda hard to explain but its also from coconuts i have no idea how its made

a lot of southeast asian countries love coconuts YAY COCONUTS

it also has sago

or like what english speakers say tapioca pearls ? its kind of the same for the one in bobba milk tea things if youve ever tried it but i would say the bobba ones are much much chewier and sweeter. sago (at least in halohalo is more on a neutral side ??? i think but still chewy!!!)

it also has beans, like red beans T_T i used to hatE THEM but now i like them

i might be forgetting something but i

OH WAIT

they also put ^^ macapuno, which is like sweet coconut strands its really sticky IDK SOME TASTE LIKE WAX AND I THINK ITS A MANUFACTURING THING which is why i kinda dont like it idk the pic looks kinda gross but i couldnt find anything else lhf;lhasfa

anyway i think thats all HAHAHAH I GOT SIDE TRACKED SO BADLY AND WENT TO HALOHALO INSTEAD OF GINATAN HALOHALO HAHHAHAHAHAAH

anyway lets go back to that

ginatan has saba which is a type of banana, not like the ones you put in idk banana splits

this is it. some people like to boil this T_T (NOT ME) and eat it like that. i dont want to yuck someones yum but i really dont like it. i dont like it when people cook/process banana (with some very few exceptions like ginatan)

kamote (idk what it is in english T_T i think its yam?????????????????? SWEET POTATO??????? idk it has different colors and stuff my mom puts the purple ones in her ginatan AY NVM SHE DOESNT LIKE PUTTING KAMOTE IN HERS COS SHE DOESNT LIKE IT HAHAHHAH NVM but yeah

this is kamote T_T

and then gabi which is taro i think T_T idk either. you might get confused if you search it cos its also the word for night in filipino. GAbi is the food gaBI is night lol

anyway here it is! im like ....... 55% sure its taro HAHHAHA

ginatan also has sago, sometimes big ones sometimes mini ones, it depends on what you want

AND THE BEST INGREDIENT OF IT ALL BILO-BILO

it's basically the big white chew balls in the... the soup? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IDK WHAT ITS CALLED ITS NOT A SOUP HAHAHHHAAHHAH but while were talking about the soup its basically just coconut milk water and sugar thats it

ANYWAY BILO-BILO IS SUPER CHEWY AND SOFT AND AMAZING AND DELICIOUS AND ITS MADE FROM GALAPONG which is basically like glutinous rice + water =

^^^^ this. you can use this to make more but i cant think of anything rn AHHAHAH also i made this post so long already HAAHHAHAHAHAH

that's it for food today HAHAHAHAHAHA

omg its so intriguing to learn abt things' history?? and mexican stuff? wow sounds surprising to me. like ive said im bad at history.. so yeah its really educational lol.

HAHAA i dont remember you saying you were bad at history i just remember you telling me a bit about russian history and literature and i was like 'i gotta get this right cos she good at history or whatevah GAAAAAAAAAAH' HAHHHHAAHAHAHH

i also like learning about history tbh, especially when its said in an interesting way. cos when i think of my classes in school its so T_T boring, but when i watch youtube videos its SO MUCH FUN!!!

omg you made spain look so cunning and mysterious (: you probably didnt mean it to but sounds so conspiratorially...

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA ITS NOT A CONSPIRACY ITS LIKE REAL!!!!!! this is how i explain stuff to my classmates when we go through lessons and its easier for them to understand and easier for me to explain. i mean to be fair, spain conquered us for ~333 years sooooo yeah pretty cunning and maybe half mysterious cos eventually the pilipinos were like ???? bruh you've been treating us poorly the entire time AND stealing from us ???? GTFO

'what does poka mean?' bye. you didnt want me to message you so i said bye >:( too many symbols

I LITERALLY HAD TO GO BACK TO THAT MESSAGE I THOUGHT YOU SAID 'i can give long messages or smth' NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND you can send me 10000000000 messages id read them all but it will take a while.

omgomg what speech?

it was a speech by our second president Manuel L. Quezon. it was basically declaring Filipino as our lingua franca/national language cos up til then, a little after WWII ?? i think or NO before WWII we didnt have one and the last time i researched about it, i think the philippines has the most spoken languages ever in the world? ok lemme just google it

nvm google said its papua new guinea HAHAHHAH but we have so many languages in the ph and at the time, because of our colonizers, like spanish was prevalent then the americans came so english was next, and then we got our own govt and pres was like 'Ok our language is going to be called filipino which is based on Tagalog'

AND CAN I JUST TELL YOU

;KLASGFL;ASGHFLASFLSAHSAFH FUCKING FUCKING IDIOTS THEYRE SO FUCKING STUPID AND KNOW IT ALL I HATE FIL-AMS FUCK OFF YOU POSER RAT T_T ok ignore that i was talking to these 3 strangers on this walkie-talkie thing and they were supposedly all filipino BUT FROM THE STATES AND I TOLD THEM MY FIRST LANGAUGE IS FILIPINO AND THEY HAD THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO CORRECT ME AND SAY ITS TAGALOG NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT WHO CANT DIFFERENCIATE YOUR AND YOURE FUCK YOU DONT CORRECT ME ABOUT MY OWN FUCKING LANGAUGE IM PRETTY SURE YOU CANT EVEN FUCKING SPEAK

i said i wont cuss but THEY PISS ME OFF SO BAD FUCK YOU RAT

ANYWAY they said Filipino is the person and Tagalog is the word. and i was like ? it;s BASED OFF OF TAGALOG BUT TO CALL IT TAGALOG IS REGIONALISM AND UNINCLUSIVE AND ITS CALLED FILIPINO BECAUSE ITS THE UNIFIFED LANGUAGE FUCK YOU YOU KNOW NOTHING Also the person is Pilipino you uneducated rat im sure you would fail in our school system if you went to the phililppines fuck you. OK filipino is acceptable cos its the english version of pilipino /: but RAT still

DID YOU KNOW 70% IN AMERICA IS A PASSING AND HIGH GRADE HAHAHAHH 70 is below failing here /: 75 is like you barely made it. ok dont quote me on that fr BUT I SAW A BUNCH OF TIKTOKS ABOUT IT AND this one foreign girl when to the ph and said she got a 70smth and she was like thats good and she was shocked it was failing

SO YALL DUMB AF GAAAAAAAAAAAH I REALLY HATED THE FACT THOSE THREE 'FILIPINOS 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢' GANGED UP ON ME LIKE THAT I WAS LITERALLY LIKE GOOGLE IT GOOGLE IT YOURE SAYING WHAT I LEARNED IN SCHOOL IN THE FUCKING PHILIPPINES IS WRONG AND THEY WERE LIKE YES

l/aksgf;klSDAGG:KLJggb;jbk;B:GKSJbgjkdlgbddsdfsgdg;glhd;hgl;SDhgli;sdhgl;isdlhgsi;D FUCK YOU IM SO ANGRY

whooo i just admited i was angry and i dont like that T_T inner peace

i forgive them

omg that was so hard to type

ANYWAY im hot and smart they're YUCKY! God bless america.

WOW that was a long rant

hope your hw is alright too...

my homework is fine ig HAHAHAH

ok its your right to not continue watching. but that poor guy... you abandoned him...

i might come back for it cos im kinda intruiged BUT I BORROWED A BUNCH FO SANDMAN FANFICS AND GAAAHHH I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW THEM IN OUR LIBRARY AND IM SO EXCITED TO READ THEM LASGHFASFSAFSAF SOOOOOOO SOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!! T_T i felt so happy to go to the library AND BORROW BOOKS I WAS SKIPPING ANG JUMPING AROUND AL:SIFLASFSAFH

i was actually looking for this book

because the author was promoting it on tiktok and it looks sooooooo interesting T_T I WANT IT but i cant they didnt have it yet T_T bUT THEN I SAW THE SANDMAN ON DISPLAY AND I WAS LIKE LAHSKFKSAHFAUSSHAS I MUST HAVE IT and i borrowed 4 comic books T_T IM SO HAPPY

that can only mean im probably not going to post as much AHHAHAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAH let me enjoy my comics first i only got a week to finish em and im SO EXCITED<3 im going to cry

'this was so dry i was like' i tend to sound pretty convincingly so dont worry youre not my only victim.

HAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHA

should i call you saint hannah or saint catmom now?...

AHAHAHA lol you can ??????? BUT just cos ur in the bible doesnt mean ur a saint HAHHHAH HAHAHAHAH but idc i dont mind lolololol HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

'I LOVE IT WHEN GIRLS GIVE BOYS FLOWERS' oooh flowers are pretty themselves. i need someone to give me flowers first. then ill think.

IVE NEVER RECEIVED FLOWERS FLOWERS EITHER lol jk i got one flower from my bestie she gave all her friends one rose then another from my classmatein grade 4 who gave all the class officers a rose. but thats it hahahahah. if i really liked a guy, id give him flowers <3

'IM SO SORRY I DIDNT MEANT TO CONFUSE YOU' its ok its my revenge for dante. i learnt what it meant.

HAHAAHHAHAH ok then AHHAHA

yeah classical literature is a chore but... ive got a classical literature exam... i have no choice.... its pretty sometimes but when youre obliged to read it, esp at school... it wasnt meant for teens guys... ESPECIALLY russian classical literature....

so true. i find it hard to believe that boys rule the world. have you met a boy? THEY FUCKING DUMB. yeah simply because you HAVE to read it it feels like so bad to do T_T HAHAHAAH. i did very much enjoy my literature classes. my teacher was nice and me and my friends were nerds so AHHAAHAHAH we actually read the stories, except for that one time and no one in class answered, even me T_T and she was so disappointed in us and i was like IVE LET YOU DOWN T_T

can you tell anything abt filipino literature?

ok i was going to talk about one of the stories by our national hero but thats so basic. imma tell you about one of the pieces we read for that said literauture class. Under my Invisible Umbrella by Laurel Flores Fantauzzo. it's a personal essay which basically is about white privelage in the ph

the author laural is half pilipino and italian but she looks fully foreign ig and so she basically gets treated differently, better because of it. im actually like her, but insteaf of being half italian, i'm half jordanian so i get what she means on a real level. it goes both ways though i get good and back reactions

this is kind linked to by for a while i didnt believe i was pretty because my perceived beauty was only based on how foreign i looked. T_T its so weird/hard to talk about cos no one gets it and so sometimes i feel like an imposter. when other people around me say im pretty do they mean that because i am or because i just look foreign?

ANYWAY im hot. (:

'her dad an ugly rat L' ig its not enough for him. even cunt is not enough for him.

so true he's so trash ew ew ew

hasjsjs this aemond meme TT so true TT and i cant watch the tiktok as its banned in russia but i hope you laugh for me!

i gotchu

i found the one with the brown door AHHAAHAHHA it's the same guy though

also abt them! im finally watching official hotd's bts and WOW its so impressive? ig i needed to watch it insted of the series and wouldve been more satisfied.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

how were your classes?

my classes were ok HAHAHAH my teacher got upset with my classmate (its the first time i saw him angry i was scared) T_T well i mean my classmate was begging to sleep, legit he pulled a chair and laid down so my teacher when 'ok you do this next thing' and made him do the demonstration of plugging our equipment LOL KSKSSKSKSKK

tell me more abt filipino culture please! its interesting!

i'll tell you more next letter! i said so much this time HAHAHAH. i'll tell you about the works of our national hero!

have a nice day/evening/night/life! love you! take care<з

i hope you also have a good day baby cakes im luv u <3

stay safe do good <3

xxx

[the-good-projxct]

May 30th, 2024

6.50 pm. Listening to Stormzy Firebabe. I am BORED AF. Like bored dot com. I have scrolled and scrolled. I don’t feel like reading. I don’t wanna be outside. I decided to write sooo shout out to me for choosing this. My period came this morning and the way I timed those cramps, I had drugs in my system before the uterus had a chance to rise and shine. So yaayyy! To a no cramps period. I got up around 11, chilled with Sweetie Banana and Moka wa Mwiti while they taught me wild Meru tings. Then I showered, went to buy pads at the mall, got measured by Ngina, walked to WWF (no, not wrestling but wildlife) to find out about volunteering/interning, then I walked home. The walk was so nice. I was just feeling God, the Universe, and Love. Like the trees we’re reminding me that I am them and they are me. Just like they deserve to be here, so do I. These are huge trees, likely some hundred years old. An Ancestor. And I heard them loud and clear. I also sang on my walk and just enjoyed being part of this magikal planet on this beautiful day. There are days I feel part of this world and there are days I feel out of this world. ‘Tis life innit? Sometimes when I am overcome by a lot to do or nothing to do, I ask myself what do I want? And there’s a time when that was a complex answer that would overwhelm me. Nowadays, the answer is nothing. I have everything I want. Honestly, I have all my needs met. I feel zen. I am not worried about my hierarchy of needs. Honestly, I feel like this blog/ the Gøod projxct is self-actualization. If I am in the present, the here and now, then I have everything I need and want. If I think ahead, wahala. If I think backwards, grief and sadness. So here is another reminder that I just need to be where my feet are. And that is enough. I am thriving where my feet are. Don’t you just Love that for me? I Love it for me. I am a sacred chubby baby girl living her best life in a complex volatile delusional world and that is OKAY. Hahahah this made me laugh out loud truly. I know I am not the delusional one. It’s the ones committing war crimes, choking on capitalism and colonialisms dick that are delusional. I am quite sane in the membrane. Like, I can see what is happening for what it is and where it came from. Hello Nettyboy, Biden, Bezos, Gates, Musk… you Gøod? No you ain’t. Niggas is DELUSIONAL. And tryna take us all out while they at it. I Love the Universe and I Love Karma. They cannot end the world even if they tried. And Gøod old Karma is coming for their future generations. In my tribe we have a belief in karma for four generations. So all this generational wealth them hoes is acquiring through violence will EAT their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren alive. Oooohh and we will Love to see it. As in, I hope in the afterlife I have a screen or an app where I can check on what's happening on Earth because LAWD, that tea will be spicy and hot. Lmao google tried to make me change dick and hoes? Ummm NO. All of them fuckin’ up Earth and the vibes on this planet are hoes and dicks mmkkaay. Period. Bila Shame. Musk, you is a hoe ass dick. Free Congo!!!! Anyway, at the end of the day everyone is doing the best they can with what they know. Which tells me that all them hoe ass dicks are sick, unwell, in the spiritual trenches. But money makes them look Gøod and makes them believe that they are Gøod. Like true delusion. They are sick dawg. Anyway, This month is basically over. I may or may not write tomorrow. So yeah…Happy June Loves. Don’t be a hoe ass dick. Okay. Be Gøod. Do Gøod. Believe in Gøod. Honor Gøod. Feel Gøod. Because Life is Gøod. God is Gøod. Earth is Gøod. The Universe is Gøod. You are Gøod. I am Gøod. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase.

[followmythoughts]

11/27/23

 It’s almost December so it’s time for the seasonal depression. I am gonna try to let everything out. Keyword: try. So many thoughts inside my head yet not all I can fully explain. It’s too tiring, and I guess, somewhat complex. I don’t think anyone will understand so for the sake of us all I will keep this all to myself. My notes and Tumblr are the only exception — unless if someone manages to find out.

I hate that I am nostalgic. It is my biggest drug. I miss yesterday. I miss who I was two months ago. I miss every moment I felt some type of emotion in. I miss my childhood. I miss my friends. I miss my old class. I miss everything. People may say that nostalgia is beautiful, but I simply don’t have it inside me to call it that. It’s more like bittersweet and grief. How can I call it beautiful when all it does is make me miserable? I am stuck in the past 24/7. It’s a cycle, because when I start to think that maybe, life is better right now. My present life is much more better than it was before. I come spiraling back. It will never pass. I can never truly let go of something, and if I have - it will always have claw marks. Proof of how I held it so tightly. If I had a chance, or a decision where I had to make a choice - I will always pick the option to go back in time. No matter how rich I am today, no matter how many friends I have made. I will always want to go back in time with my current knowledge. That’s all I want in life: I will always be chasing the same emotions of what I felt when I was just a child. Every birthday of mine, I wish that I wake up one day by a familiar scent, and as I look down at my hands I find out that they have returned to it’s 5 yr old self. And I am a child again. I know that there’s no chance but I hope. I foolishly hope it comes true one day.

Why do I keep thinking that life’s just a game? It’s the reason on why I do risky stuff - because I simply think I am no more but a virtual character whom you can reset anytime you want. But no, it doesn’t work like that. It’s reality. I am painfully self aware but I can’t bring myself to change. I don’t wanna grow up and live a 9-5 life. I guess this is my coping mechanism. That time where I just stopped going to school, and because of that my family had to carry the consequences of paying 20k. I kept telling myself that I’ll just kill myself when I get caught; and when I think back on it now - I want to laugh in disbelief because no way, I actually thought of that? It’s just like resetting your character on roblox. One click, and boom, reset. Act like you’ve never done anything wrong. How painfully naive. Tell that to my 2022 self where I hugged the tied blanket so tightly, debating on whether to actually do it or not. She will fucking laugh in your face. I am aware. I’m so self aware, yet I am still self sabotaging myself just because I am lazy. I know doing this specific thing will have consequences in the future and will just make my family drown in more debt but guess what? Nah, won’t do a single thing just because I am lazy. I actually cannot do this anymore. I tell myself I will change but I simply cannot. This year is my last chance. It’s nearing 2024 and if I simply cannot change, I will have no choice but to end it all because I cannot see myself having a future and a happy life with this. Life is fun though, life is chill, my friends and sister makes me happy. But I don’t want to burden my family even more. So I think killing myself is the best option. What am I talking about? You will never know. Life is so tiring man. I wanna die again. Hahahah, still remember those times where I had to beg God to take me. Couldn’t bring myself to do it. I am a coward. I had no idea how I was going to escape this. It is a cycle. At least the others had some taste for life. They seemed to understand something that I didn't understand. Maybe I was lacking.

It was possible. I often felt inferior. I just wanted to get away from all of the people. But there was no place to go. Suicide? Jesus Christ, just more work. I felt like sleeping for five years but they wouldn't let me.

[lamonnaie]

hiiii gmmtv anon again ✨

i’ve been wanting to message you way earlier bc it’s so much fun to talk to you but life has once again been busy af 😮‍💨

the idol thing is funny but also kind of annoying when you’re actually here to watch them act even tho some of the content we’re getting out of it is cute despite 98% being cringe. and yes, a lot of them are very mediocre singers - like first, my beloved, for example. i don’t want to hate on him bc i’ve seen people saying he’s self-conscious about his singing so frankly i don’t understand why gmmtv keep making him sing like pls let him be 😭. gmmtv jumping on any opportunity to make money isn’t surprising tho like there’s even a forcebook fanmeeting in europe which is insane, and firstkhao going to brazil is also 🤯🤯🤯.

oh there will 100% be at least one het show for one of them in part 2. and idk why but gemfourth strikes me as a branded pair that wants to branch out a lot more into het shows asap especially gem. oh and honestly, i hate when people are losing their shit when their faves are hanging out with girls 😭. tbh i hate that dating is so taboo for a lot of famous people bc delulus be losing their mind when their faves aren’t dating the person they’re shipping them with. like let celebrities live laugh love and fuck whoever they want 😭.

i do hope that winny and satang will get to lead a show one day bc they’re great and i’m sure they will cement their status as a branded pair after “we are” is out. however, satang called winny and him “an underground pair” at a fanmeeting the other week and then proceeded to cry :5. this made me so sad bc they’re amazing and gmmtv also seems to believe in them since they’ve given them a logo and such.

i’m gonna skip through ploy’s yearbook and keep you updated. deal hahaha?

joong is so annoying but i adore him. yeah, ppw weren’t subtle at all with their spoilers hahahah. maybe they’re really gonna skip next year and then come back twice as strong in 2025 even tho i would love to get a joongdunk show every year.

oh, and did you see that gmmtv finally gave them a variety show??? it’s not something i would watch if joongdunk weren’t hosting but i love to see them interact so imma be watching every episode.

(i’m with you when it comes to the jd fanservice like i’m a fan and i love to be serviced by them. tbh they are the only cp where i’m mostly fine with it like i do cringe so much when firstkhao try fanservice bc they’re just too bestie-coded™️. i guess it’s due to joong just being a smooth motherfucker and on top of that he just seems to be a person whose love language is physical touch so the whole thing doesn’t seem forced or awkward. tho them being so good at it also invites people to be very delulu about them like the amount of “they’re for sure dating” posts i’ve seen on twitter in the last couple of weeks is insane like pls 😭

mark deserves a lead role and i am actuallycrossing my fingers for 2024 or 2025 at the latest like cmon. him getting a show as lead with neo would be the cherry on top tho hahahahah.

i’m with you when it comes to part 2. i’m hyped and excited to see what else gmmtv has in store, and tbh i’m already lowkey losing my mind bc jojo said something about him having 2 shows(?) in part two and that the trailer has already been filmed - the first thought that popped into my head when i read that was the firstkhao arm tattoo story like firstkhao leads with jojo as the director??? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. and idk if i’m in the minority here but i would also love if they did our skyy 3 bc it’s so fun to get another glimpse into the world of your favorite characters 😭.

i was so sad when they postponed the last twilight trailer but oh my god it was worth the wait. i didn’t have a lot of expectations bc i couldn’t get into vice versa at all - maybe i was too biased towards jimmy bc i watched bad buddy before i started vice versa hahaha.

i’m so sorry for writing another essay 😭😭😭

hi anon!! :D gonna put this under the cut so i don't block up everyone's dash 😂

omg yeah it's actually super cool that they're having fms in so many places, like lbr if they came to my country i'd 100 percent go 😂 but ofc i wanna see the actors, y'know act. making first the singer character in only friends was definitely a Choice xD but honestly he's not too bad, like ohm's one of my favs but goddamn that man rlly cannot sing hajskdjhf 😭😭

msp was pretty much gem4th's debut so i get wanting to work in different things. given how tied together their branding is rn, it would suck if their only projects for the next however long were just with each other. but also at this rate, they have events/fms/lives practically every day, when are they gonna film my love mixup and then potentially other series 😭😭 after they pulled out of 23.5 i thought we'd get their next series very early 2024, but at this rate who knows (lbr gmmtv's just gonna keep milking them for cash with all the events first 😬)

"let celebrities live laugh love and fuck whoever they want" - words to live by, i tend to stay out of fandom spaces to do with the actual actors just coz it gets so toxic so quickly lmao, i'm here to watch my shows and fangirl in peace ✌️

naww i saw that clip of satang from the fm ahhh 🥺🥺 i have such a soft spot for wnst (especailly satang). gmm definitely seems to see their hype too and i'm so glad, honestly do think we're gonna get a main series with them soon enough (maybe they'll see how well We Are does first and go from there?)

on the topic of We Are, dangerous romance has turned me into a marcpawin stan, so i'm even more excited for it now

ahaha yes do keep me updated, i might skip through and watch specific scenes for the Plot (joong). just rewatched the trailer for the first time since the lineup and why did no one tell me joong's boxing in the show 😳😳

also apparently they've already started filming ploy's yearbook?? honestly so impressed with how quickly filming's going these days, apparently the trainee has already started filming and cooking crush isnt even out yet 😭😭

the jd show!! kinda wish gmm would branch out a bit with the variety show concepts, but yeah i'm absolutely tuning in for joongdunk xD (and the obnoxious sponsorships 😭 honestly kinda funny, and i'd definitely rather have the product placement in a variety show than in an actual series lol)

and yep the fanservice, honestly with jd they seem to be having fun with it too which works out for everyone. also joong's Insane (affectionate) i love jd but i kinda wanna see joong paired up with anyone and everyone atp. (do u know what lives rent free in my mind? that kiss or slap challenge joong pawin kiss) (also just joong in warp effect) the dating comments are honestly so 😭😭, the delulu shippers can never be stopped its very ajskdjfj

mark said recently in an interview that he has a main role planned for part 2!!! dont think it was confirmed or anything (he said he might have the role) but honestly that's enough for me rn

DAMN 2 shows?? jojo's always so busy hajskjd AND WAIT OH MY GOD IF WE ACTUALLY GET ANOTHER FK JOJO SHOW (!!!) completely forgot about that tattoo arm story but yeah that was hella sus, i'm gonna be keeping my eyes out 👀 although i was hoping for an fk romcom, that doesnt seem like it would be lmao

ngl wasn't a big fan of most of the our skyy 2 storylines, but the good thing about os and special eps is that i can choose to ignore them if i want 😂 so yeah, i'd be totally down for our skyy 3, although i dont think they'd do one so soon after the last? maybe for 2025 or 2026?

LMAOO bad buddy did jimmy dirty for so many people 😂 i wasn't planning on watching vice versa but then i saw sea in 55:15 (banger show if u haven't watched it, i'm forever on my spreading 55:15 agenda). apart from the product placement i thought it was a rlly solid show!! (but also the product placement is kinda hard to get past at times 😭)

friday nights have been my bl nights for almost a year now (i think i only skipped abaab in the middle) so i'd probably be continuing the tradition regardless of what aired lmao

ooh also anon do u have any show recs (gmmtv or not), i trust ur taste lmao and i need to fill up my to watch list 👀

[madame-fear]

I also speak Spanish and I always made fun of the number 40 in French because my friends an I had this joke that I sounded like: cagar in Spanish so we always said that whenever we tried to pronounce it 💀💀💀

Tbh I never had parents who wanted me to study lots of languages, they were fine with me speaking English perfectly since it’s universal and I pretty much accomplished it. I ended up speaking 7 languages in the long run (I pride myself on it because I was 17 when I finally reached that point) but it’s been two years since then and now I only speak 4 💀

I would love to learn Japanese for some reason, I found the phonetics really similar to Spanish and the writing seems so intricate but I will need time for it for sure

And for the question if studying to be a historian is hard or not. Not really, at least for me. It feels like being at a party where people are gossiping constantly ngl, you learn all this things about people in the past that are like: oh wow so this guy overtook the entire Mesopotamia? Oh my. but ofc there are some subjects that are DENSE and requiere thinking or a bit of math. Geography for example, we did economics and shit and 😟 or philosophy, I never liked it so having to debate about certain topics and reflect on them IN GROUP almost killed me

- 🔎

I also speak Spanish and I always made fun of the number 40 in French because my friends an I had this joke that I sounded like: cagar in Spanish so we always said that whenever we tried to pronounce it 💀💀💀

oh my god now that i think about it, its true, it DOES sound like the word cagar HAHAHAH it sound more like cagarte, i never realised it 😭

The pronunciation is hard in French in my opinion, i have no clue how the hell i will manage to make the French people love me 😿 (reference to the stereotype that french people give you the death glare when you mispronounce something AHAHDH)

Tbh I never had parents who wanted me to study lots of languages, they were fine with me speaking English perfectly since it’s universal and I pretty much accomplished it. I ended up speaking 7 languages in the long run (I pride myself on it because I was 17 when I finally reached that point) but it’s been two years since then and now I only speak 4 💀

Well in my case actually my parents most of the time insisted on me learning English too because its, like you say, universal. My mum wanted me to learn French too but for some reason i had beef with that language until now HAHAHA

With the other languages i was the one insisting because for some reason i have a burning passion for languages, so they just helped me to study the languages i wanted by making me watch my favourite movies and shows in X language, then in German (native language)/English (the one i already knew), and then i would write down what i understood in THAT language, and would read in that language.

I know your pain because when I was like 6-7 I could read in like 5 languages (even in Old Italian because of an old Divine Comedy book we have) but NOW i had a great downfall and I know German/English/Spanish, and understand a bit of Italian and can read in Russian. What the hell happened to us and WHERE are our superpowers 😔☠

I would love to learn Japanese for some reason, I found the phonetics really similar to Spanish and the writing seems so intricate but I will need time for it for sure

I know, right?! I love it as well. I know a few words but i always fail to ACTUALLY learn and write Romanji/Hiragana/Katakana because i have the memory of a fish and never have the time to properly learn it either ☠ So yeah, languages like Japanese/Chinese/Korean and even something like Arabic needs a lot of dedication. 😅🙏

It feels like being at a party where people are gossiping constantly ngl, you learn all this things about people in the past that are like: oh wow so this guy overtook the entire Mesopotamia? Oh my.

THIA MADE ME LAUGH SO BADLY THE ANCIENT TEA IS BEING SPILLED I LOVE IT

but ofc there are some subjects that are DENSE and requiere thinking or a bit of math. Geography for example, we did economics and shit and 😟 or philosophy, I never liked it so having to debate about certain topics and reflect on them IN GROUP almost killed me

MY GOD I WOULD DIE ☠ I supposed you guys studied something like that but had no idea it went that far 😅 My mum studied Economics and also had to study Anthropology and other things alike for that, your message pretty much reminded me of her experience 😭

God have mercy on us. I study Forensics (psychiatry, antrophology, biology, toxicology, etc), Genetics, Human Behaviour, Reproductive Medicine and other several things; and I WANT TO FUCKING DIE.

In Genetics we even get taught the linguistic and mathematical part because its actually widely connected like in the genetics components of who we are as individuals, and how all of that also affects our mentality and psychology. Dont get me started about the fact that i also have the ethics of Rep. Medicine, i have to learn calculus, algebra, chemisty, mathematics, etc. I cant complain because I ADORE what i study but im afraid for myself ☠

[wdpqwdopbluerose]

031823

Good news!

Di na ako umiyak para sa kanya. I mean, umiyak ako pero di na masyado. Lalo na nung nalaman ko na may gf siya. Minsan naawa rin ako sa sarili ko kasi alam mo yung di mo talaga maiwasang umasa. Kahit sinasabi mo sa sarili mo na wala lang talaga. Deep inside meron talaga. And ayun na nga. Before niya nabanggit na may girlfriend siya, wala lang tulyo tuloy na kwentuhan. Nilibre pa ako ng tim hortons. Tas after nung week na yun eh mga 2 weeks din kami di nagkita. Di ko alam na mag absent siya eh todo porma pa ako haahha nag beanie pa ako tangina para cute ako. Di naman pala pumasok. After nun ayun hahahah nag midterms and nagpaturo siya, siyempre kahit naasar ako na may nagtatanong sakin habang nag rereview ako, masaya ako kasi siya AHAHAAHAH. Pero ayun magkatabi kami sa exam tapos tinulungan ako habang exam WAHAHAHA kilig naman ako taena. Naawa lang ako kasi 57 siya. Sana umattend siya sa bonus marks na class kaso yun yung araw na absent siya. Oks lang naman. Pero mga panahon na yun, alam ko na na may gf siya nun so di na rin ako umaasa. Sadyang happy crush lang.

Sabi sa tiktoks na napapanood ko, mamemeet ko na daw soulmate ko. Deep inside umaasa ako sa si M to. Kahit meron siya. Sa sobrang tagal ko nang di naiinlove, gulat talaga ako nantinamaan ako. Tapos triny ko pa iananalyze kung limerence lang ba to or inlove talaga ako. It looks like inlove talaga ako. And now, heartbroken nanaman. Pero dahil strong independent man ako, di ko na masyado dinidibdib. Ang theme song ng aking buhay ngayon ay Asan Ka Na Ba by Zack Tabudlo and Cupid by Fifty-fifty. Parehas dinedescribe katangahan ko. Umaasa kay cupid and nagmamanifest ng magmamahal sakin. Pero kahit ganun pa man, iniisip ko na mas maging hopeful. Sana talaga ibigay na ni God to sakin and ng universe yung forever ko. Minsan talaga… ay di pala minsan. Lagi pumapasok sa isip ko kung bakit di ako gustuhin. Nawawala na rin confidence ko. Finefake ko nalang hahaha. Ang wrong timing pa kasi recently finollow niya ako sa insta. Nakita ko gf niya. Ang ganda haha. Gets ko kung bakit sila naging sila. Alam ko naman lagi na wala ako laban kasi straight yung crush ko so wala talaga 😅.

Anyways, sobrang gulo ng train of thoughts ko. Wala naman kasi ako mapagsharan neto kaya tinatype ko nalang dito 🤣. Feel ko naggogrow na rin ako as a person, kasi di na ako masyadong nasasaktan or naiiyak. Actually di ko alam, either mas maayos na ako magprocess ng emotion or mas naging manhid nalang ako. Either way nagwowork naman and di na ako umiiyak.

Pero eto, letter para kay M. Ibubuhos ko na lahat dito para after neto, okay na ako (i think). Pipilitin ko. Lagi naman heheheheheeheeheh

Yo M,

Thanks for being a good friend to me. I remember you saying that you never really talk to any of your classmates because you think that the friends that you make in school are just temporary. I hope you find me a friend you can talk to and keep even after this term. You said you weren’t taking classes this summer (which is a bummer because I really wanted to see you again), but I get it - you are young, you have a gf, you have money to spend on trips, and you are independent. After this term, I probably won’t be seeing you again. I just wanted to say thank you for making me feel the spark of love again. This sounds so cheesy - I know. But it’s been so long since I’ve felt this feeling, and it really made me happy knowing that I can love again. I learn to care for myself more because I want you to notice me. And now, I take care of myself because I feel confident when I do it.

Anyways, what I’m really trying to say is I like you. A lot. So very much that I can literally feel it in my chest and cloud my thoughts. I want you so much that I can on replaying my memories of my sneak glances at you when you are on your phone or looking at your screen. I love the way your eyes express your feelings. I love your smile, your curly hair, and your laugh. And frankly, everything. Thank you for trusting me enough to share some of your life stories with me. I hope you continue to excel at your job, be safe, and be happy. And also, congrats on being sober. I also hope you reconnect with your God again.

Again, I probably won’t see you again, and you’ll probably forget about me a few days after this term, but I won't. I’ll always remember you. I remember everything.

Anyways, let’s fucking finish this subject, okay??! WOOHOO 🔥🔥

A