#thinking of my sister too I know it'll be even harder for her

[timkontheunsure]

This still might not make Barbie a bad person.

Narcissistic abuse really fucks people up, and so does trauma.

It's likely that straight after the fire she'd have been looking to place the blame as much as Cash. But not for the same reason.

Her mum died, and her brother likely copped to knocking over the cake. A dumb accident from a kid who's a bit clumsy.

But her mum's still gone, and she's mad at her brother. That just leaves her dad.

People assume that siblings will band together when their abusive parent is doing something horrible... but they don't.

They side with the parent to reduce the amount of harm they face.

Really good example of this is media is Gamora and Nebula. Nebula was their father's scapegoat, always waiting for her big sister to come safe her from the abuse. To purposefully fail a sparring match, and take the heat just once. But that's never happened, because Gamora was just another kid trying to survive the abuse.

This is why I've said before; that I buy that Blitz and Barbie were so close, only when Cash isn't around.

There this thing called flying monkeys that happens when family members are still in contact with your abuser. They start parroting what the abuser says, because they're still in the abuse. And it makes their lifes a little easier to agree.

But with every agreement, with a narcissistic abuser, it warps your world view just a little each time, as their lies and gaslighting add up.

This is why my sib thinks it's ok to say I'm 'what wrong with this family'. (I haven't seen them in 7 years). Or that my abuser thinks they 'should put me to hard labour to fix me', because 'you weren't raised to be disabled'. (No one's raised to be disabled. It's just luck of the draw, an accident. And with my conditions being genetic sib got real lucky).

I can push back on these and he wake up as if it was some sort of trance. Admitting he's just scared that I don't get better, and he really wanting to see everyone together. To have his family back.

But the more he hears the lie off my dad, that my health is my fault; the more the illusory truth effect makes him feel like it's gotta be real.

Back to Barbie. When we meet her she's doing better than we know she has been. Out of rehab, clean and with a job.

But yer she's not doing as well as you might hope. Her job is drug smuggling, that even though it's week for imps; it could put her recovery at risk.

And so does her scapegoating. When something goes a little wrong she immediately slips back into the bad pattern of it's all Blitz's fault.

He wrecked her whole life, and anything and everything can and will be his fault forever.

This is an easy pattern for her to fall back into, because it's practiced. The more she does it the harder it is to break the habit. Because brains get better at doing things they've done before, even shitty things.

(Like addictions reminds, or panic attacks. Brains get 'better' at falling into habits the more you do them).

And the more times she hears Cash blame her brother, the more real it will feel. And the less like an accident it'll become in her mind.

We have seen Blitz say and do some really bad crap because of trauma. I can see Barbie having done the same, with telling him Fizz says he'll die alone.

And Blitz is more likely to believe it from his sister, than his shitty dad. This kid clock who Cash was early. (And that's often the reason for picking the scapegoat. They can see through the abuser).

I honestly think it's unlikely they'll be able to keep in close contact. Even if Barb goes low contact with Cash, like Blitz has.* Even if they get things settled.

Some times the hurts just too bad, even though you love them to bits.

I can see them getting in a better place, and seeing eachother now and again, but still not a ton.

Timmy footnotes for putting together the dots

(*Blitz has removed Cash's number from his phone and put it in the office rolla decks. So he only has it for emergency's. Good boy.

He has too look it up before calling him; because he's worried about Barb. Asking where she went after their dad checked her out of rehab.

It has to be Cash here, because it's standard for addiction and mental health patients to be discharge to family. So they don't end up homeless, and right back in a bad situation.

This is why Blitz is confused that she could leave without him being told.

Looks like Cash and Barbie got the nurse on side that everything is Blitz's fault. [Narcissistic abuser often use language like deadbeat, to describe people who don't have a financial obligation to them. Like their kids. This because they see everyone as tools to get what they want. And if you leave you're not pulling your weight, and making their lives better].

And he'd be unsuitable for help with discharge).

"Them"- Cash and Barbie

I really hate it when I remember that this makes it very likely that Barbie and Cash pulled this crap together.

Blocking Blitz and Fizz from seeing eachother for 15 bloody years.

And that it's actually a real toss up weather his dad, or his sister told him that; 'Fizz says you're going to die alone Blitzo'.

[trans-yllz]

for someone who Hated going home for the holidays, first christmas post mom death is proving uncharacteristically upsetting

[crafty-butch]

Embalmed

A short story by me (tw: body horror, self-harm kinda)

Did you know embalming isn't actually that common, worldwide? I didn't. Sure, there are some famous exceptions–looking at you, pharaohs–but embalming random schlubs is mostly a US thing. Plenty of religions ban it outright. Islam, Judaism, several branches of Christianity…

Bear with me. I promise I have a point.

Anyway, I've got no opinion on what God wants us to do with our corpses. I've never been religious. I'm still not, weird as that sounds. But I'm with Islam, Judaism, and several branches of Christianity on this one. Just skip the embalming and bury the body before it starts to rot. It'll be easier for everyone, on the off chance someone decides to bring them back.

No, this isn't a joke. Look, I'm not saying it's likely, okay? I know the stats. Less than twenty confirmed resurrections in the last half-century. Maybe twice that many ambiguous cases. Actually ambiguous, that is. Just because someone is flaired “unconfirmed” on r/Resurrected doesn't mean there's a chance in Hell they're legit. So, yeah, I get it's unlikely. But let's jump back to embalming real quick.

You know how it works, right? At least vaguely? Blood goes out, formaldehyde goes in. Well, that's step one. Step two is sucking all the non-blood fluids out of your body cavity and swapping those for embalming fluid too. They also sew your mouth shut, stuff some cotton in you to stop any leaking–I could go on, but I won't. Like I said, I don't have any issue with embalming from a treatment-of-the-dead-body standpoint. I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for embalming Great-Aunt Edith, here. I'm just saying, if the dead body becomes an alive body, you can see why there might be some issues.

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're going to say: “It's magic, dumbass.” And, yes, it is. That's why waking up with your mouth sewn shut and your body stuffed full of formaldehyde doesn't immediately kill you again. Doesn't make it fun, though.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't focus on the mouth thing. I'm sure it's happened to someone, but my sister cut the stitches out before she brought me back. She was thorough like that. I just feel like it's easier to picture, you know? Mouth won't open and hurts when you try. The rest of it's harder.

I don't blame my sister for not dealing with the formaldehyde. I know there wasn't much she could do about it. If she'd had more time, I'm sure she could've come up with something, but once you've dug up a body, you're kind of on a (ha) deadline. If someone sees you, you're done. So I get it. I've had a lot of time to think it over, and I'm still not sure what she could've done better. Other than just letting me stay dead.

I don't want to sound ungrateful, but…maybe I am? A little bit? I know that's an awful thing to say. It's not like I wanted to die. That's not what this is about. It's also not about how super amazingly great the afterlife is. Sorry to disappoint, but I have no idea. I don't remember anything between the hospital and waking up on the grass with a chest full of embalming fluid. Does that mean there's nothing after? Or did coming back just give me amnesia? No idea. I leave that one to the philosophers.

My sister probably would've had an opinion.

She was always…

Let me tell you about my sister.

She was great. I'm not saying this because of what happened. She really was incredible. Almost perfect. One of those people who's so smart and so kind and so beautiful and so goddamn humble but not so humble you can even accuse them of humblebragging, to the point where you can't help but hate them a little for making you look so fucking shitty in comparison and then you feel like the biggest bitch in the world and that just makes you hate them more.

Okay, maybe she wasn't quite as perfect as all that. After I came back, I learned some things. Turns out she was just as much of a fuckup as me, in her own way. She was just better at hiding it. But I never met that version of her. In my memories, she's still just Little Miss Impossibly Perfect. I wish she'd told me about any of it. Maybe…

No, that isn't fair. Why would she tell me anything that could get her in trouble? Maybe I would've hated her less, or maybe I would've just gone and told our parents. Even once we grew up. Would I really have been able to resist knocking her off that pedestal? I'd like to think I would, but come on. Look how I'm talking about her. And that's after she sold her soul for me.

If you're thinking right now that the world probably would've been better off with her instead of me, you're not the only one. Don't worry, I won't take it personally. Or maybe you're not thinking that at all. I've been told I project onto other people.

Maybe you're just confused about why I'm talking about her in the past tense. After all, it's not like selling your soul kills you, and you've probably never met someone unensouled. Or maybe you have, and you know exactly why I'm talking like this. Probably not, though. There are a lot more unensouled than there are people who were resurrected–people sell their souls for all sorts of reasons–but there are a lot more fakers too. Pro tip: if someone claiming they sold their soul gives any sign of caring about literally anything, including whether you believe them, they're lying to you.

So, yeah, she's still here. I know I keep saying it, but I'm not religious. I don't think my sister is burning in Hell while her empty husk sits up here, and if you ask me, that's just a real convenient excuse not to help the person who's still right there in front of you. Whatever a “soul” actually is, there's clearly someone here.

Sorry, I might be preaching to the choir here. And I don't want to sound like I think every religious person thinks that way. I just made the mistake of talking to my parents this weekend, and I'm still a little mad. Or a lot mad. Look, I know I'm getting off topic. Just, real quick, I want to explain.

She's still my sister. I'm not denying that. I keep saying she was this or she was that because she's not really any of those things anymore. She's not cruel, but she doesn't care enough to be kind. I'm sure she's still smart, but she doesn't actually want to use her smarts for anything. She barely eats if I don't pester her into it. I don't think she'd have an opinion on what my lack of memory says about the afterlife anymore. But, hey, maybe she would. Maybe I should ask.

Anyway. None of this is really my point. My point is, waking up next to your own open grave is freaky enough when you're not choking on formaldehyde. It took weeks before I was mostly bleeding blood again. (Yeah, I checked. Don't judge. You'd be curious too.) I coughed up embalming fluid for months. My insides still don't feel quite right. I could get them checked out, but I'll be honest with you. I don't want to know. I haven't been anywhere near a doctor since I got back.

I know, you don't think this will happen to you. No one you know is the right combination of smart enough to wade through all the bullshit to figure out how to revive you and stupid enough to go through with it. And you're probably right. But I thought that too.

[princesskayjay]

The Slingshot Analysis, or: How a nice comment can still hurt, Kayo's a good big sister, and Imposter Syndrome is a bitch.

@thunderversary-rewatch-party, you guys take metas, right?

So I don't suppose I've made much a secret that Alan's my favorite character. So I don't suppose it'll come as much of a shock that I also spend a lot of time just thinking about him. (I say, running a damn RP blog for him.) This has lead to me over thinking Slingshot in particular way too much. Specifically from Alan's conversation with Kayo while they're repairing the comms on Thunderbird 3. And as it turns out, I have so many, many thoughts about it. And I ramble a lot. Bare with me.

Under the cut it goes - this will get long.

Alan: My brothers always say I make it seem so easy; Like I don't even try. I think I started to believe them.

So, this line. Up to the point that this line is spoken, Alan kind of has been making it seem easy - or at least like he's not taking it very seriously. Like nearly falling asleep while John was briefing him, wanting it to be just a solo mission because he was only picking someone up. And then when Kayo joins in and the two of them head off for the mine, Alan seems more concerned with showing off to Kayo than the actual mission. When he's warned that speeding up will make slowing down harder, Alan dismisses the worry as "Don't worry, it's me." Outwardly, at least, he's got a lot of confidence in his own skill.

Inwardly? Eh.... We see that the moment things do start to go wrong, that confidence starts to slip. We do see he genuinely does know what to do! It's just... That initial moment of "Wait. Do I really know what's going on?"

And then it builds. He figures it out, with some encouragement from Kayo, and god bless her for having his back this whole episode. As stated in the opening, Kayo's a good big sister.

Including her having to tell Ned off multiple times for being rude to Alan. And we do see! That Alan is good at thinking on his feet. Throughout the episode, he's just... really good at taking even the offhand comments that Kayo or Ned say and turn them into a solution to get them out the trouble they're in. Coming to mind, of course, is finding a way to communicate with Ned in morse code, and figuring out how to use the crackers to reroute first the asteroid itself, and then to give Thunderbird 3 an extra kick without using up extra fuel.

Amidst this all though, is the quote at the top of this section.

Alan: I'm an idiot. Kayo: Can you be more specific? Alan: My brothers always say I make it seem so easy; Like I don't even try. I think I started to believe them. Kayo: None of this is your fault Alan; It's a mission. Things go wrong. Alan: But I wasn't ready! Now we're probably going to die! Kayo: Don't say that. You've been through worse. Alan: I've never been this far away from everybody. We're all alone out here. Brains, My brothers; They can't help us! Kayo: Alan, I've known you long enough to know you don't need anyone's help.

So to be clear, this isn't quite the first time that we see Alan get nervous under pressure. The satellite in RoF part 2 comes to mind. It just seems to me that after Ned picks at him, Alan knows that he's getting nervous, and Alan knows that maybe he wasn't taking it seriously enough, and it's getting to him. Especially since I'd imagine a lot of the prior confidence was coming from the thought that he could just call for help if he needed it - He's just a kid, he's still very much used to having the safety net of his family there. And Kayo is at least able to help him get out of his head. Again, she's a good big sister. But are we surprised? She learned from the best how to big sibling. The other thing that stands out, of course, is the fact that the thing Alan quotes is probably a thing he's over heard. (And considering we hear Scott repeat this exact thing later in the episode, it's probably not something he's misremembering.) He probably feels like he's letting them down at this point. Because when the going gets actually tough, he's choking. He's scared - that's not making it look easy, right? He feels out of his depth, he's got no support, is that being so good it looks easy? Because it doesn't feel like it. It's not easy. He's not the man they think he is at home.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

That is to say, Imposter Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome is being defined as follows:

the subjective experience of perceived self-doubt in one's abilities and accomplishments compared with others, despite evidence to suggest the contrary..

His brothers almost definitely meant this as praise, and I find it hard to think of any interpretation where it isn't that's still in line with the characters of the other Tracys. It hurts to feel like you're not living up to how everyone else sees you.

And while it seems as though he cheers up..... ("Sorry I doubted you" "I'm sorry I doubted me too!")

At the end of the episode, when he's giving his debrief to everyone at home? He's having a good time... Until Scott gets up to praise him for doing well on the mission, and that they're all proud of him. At which point, Alan suddenly gets nervous and excuses himself to go to bed. Which is in sharp contrast to the previous energy in his debrief. Wonder if he's still bothered by that thought, huh?

(And when Scott sits down to speak to Kayo, she speaks to his bravery, calling him a True Tracy. But when Scott says to her face that "He makes it look easy, doesn't he?" Kayo seems almost unsure of that. But she saw how much it bothered him when they were talking...)

I don't know how to end this ramble.

Just that Alan almost sees his siblings as Supermen, and he's very decidedly not that yet. Just that Imposter Syndrome is a bitch, and I love Alan very much. And this episode itches at my brain.

[smellslikemultifandomimagines]

hi can I request a smut or blurb of Jason where the reader is Starfire’s younger sister (Jason’s age ofc) and there is something about her that Jason can’t resist and he can’t stop thinking about her especially during training then he eventually gets frustrated and does something about it

[❤︎] pairing: Jason Todd x starefire!sister!reader [❤︎] warnings: [❤︎] word count:

requests are open🖤 request guidelines✨ 🌻masterlist🌻 smut night masterlist 💦

JASON KNEW YOU WERE OFF LIMITS. Kory had made that very clear from day 1 of you living in the tower. While she could appreciate his skills in the vigilante world, she would never trust him to be with you. Jason knew that, Dick knew that, hell even Rachel sided with Kory. Jason wasn't to be trusted around you.

But there was certainly a fire in you (no pun intended, of course) that kept Jason on his toes. He first noticed in one of the first training sessions you had with Gar, Jason and Rachel. Your skills in martial arts blowing them away immediately. He quietly paid attention to you, taking mental notes on that you liked and didn't like.

At first, he found it cute that you were oblivious to his flirting. Though, you were warned by pretty much everyone, that Jason was a massive flirt. But as more time passed, the more he couldn't stop thinking about you. He wanted, needed even, to be with you. It was odd, he thought, that you are the only one in his house that keeps him level headed. You weren't even together, let alone close enough friends, so how do you manage to do that?

Training got even harder too, the more you pinned him to the wall or the floor, or even did that to the others, the more infatuated he got.

"That's it. I'm gonna ask her out," he tells Gar. The two had been talking about you about the better of a half hour now. Of course Gar noticed Jason's little crush, and he told Jason that it wasn't long before everyone else figured it out too, that is, if they haven't already.

"Dude, you can't. Kory-"

"I couldn't give two shits about Kory right now. I can't keep waiting around for [y/n] to make a move on me, so why-"

"It's a dumb idea."

"I don't care."

"Well, don't tell you I told you so if Kory finds out," Gar throws his hands up in surrender.

"She won't find out," Jason tries to argue, but failing. Even he could see how weak of a point that was. He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face, "She consumes my every thought. This obsession, this - I don't even know what this is - it's too much. Of course you'd never understand, I mean-"

"Hey, who said I've never had a crush before?" Gar defended himself with a slight chuckle.

"You know what I mean," Jason rolls his eyes. He flops down on his bed, a heavy sigh running out his mouth. He rubs his face in his hand again before standing up. "Right, well I'm going to blow off some steam."

Jason stops in his tracks when he sees you in the training room, looking as flawless as ever. Your hair's a mess, strands coming out of your bun from every angel, sweat glistening over your forehead and chest, tired hands gripping the sword as you try another trick.

"Hey," you smile at him, noticing his presence. He can barely get a word out, so all he can do is give you a small wave. "Wanna train together? I've been trying this new thing, and I think it'll work better if I actually have someone else here," you laugh charismatically.

"Uh, yeah, sure." You've learned not to take Jason's tone too seriously. There's no point in getting upset over an angsty, brooding guy. Jason was cute though, there's no doubt about that. Rough around the edges, sure, but over the last few months that you've been here, you've gotten to know him better. A lot more than he thinks.

Jason grabs a sword and positions himself to get ready to fight. The two of you start sparring, swords clinking together from contact. As impressively good as he was, he seemed distracted.

With a flick of your wrist, you easily caught him off guard and made his weapon drop from his hand. “Everything okay? You don’t seem yourself?”

“What makes you say that?” Jason rubs the back of his neck, his eyes boring into yours. He needs a plan, and he needs it now. If there’s any time to ask you out, or at least try to, it had to be now.

“Your footings off. Your footing is never off,” you stand closer to him, a hand on his shoulder. It was a simple gesture, really. A sign that meant he could trust you no matter what. But the sensation jason felt all over his body was too much. He pulled away, not wanting too, but his body seemed to do it for him. Almost like your touch caused a knee-jerk reaction. Your brows not together.

“Jason-“

“I like you, okay! I know Kory’s sworn me off as the bad guy, but you-you’re just so-“ he couldn’t even put into words on how to describe you. Your eyes softened, hands cupping his checks as a soft, flattered laugh slips your lips.

“Took you long enough.”

[rubyvhs]

the sky is black & white [ chapter three ]

SUMMARY. sam & dean find out more about the two hunters that kidnapped them TAGS. 2.6k words, mind-fuckery, angst. series masterlist.

Sam and Dean slowly regain consciousness, surveying their surroundings. They try to get up but quickly find out they're tied to chairs in opposite directions.

"Sam? Sammy, you okay?"

"Doing great." Sam's sarcastic reply makes Dean let out a sigh of relief. If he’s well enough to make jokes, he’s well enough to try and get out of these ropes.

"You're awake," Both men's attention snaps to the door and they see Mary making her way to them.

Sam takes in the place for the first time and almost immediately recognises what is it. The beige walls with stacks of books everywhere, control panel and demon traps in every pet of the room. This is one of the bunkers that the Men of Letters had built.

"Is this—"

"A Men of Letter's hideout like yours? Yes. I'm glad you noticed, maybe it'll make Dean finally stop praying to Castiel. He can't hear you."

Dean groans and rugs at the ropes, "You bitch—"

"We've established that, yes." Her voice isn't as sweet as Mel's, they notice, it's rougher. Still soft, but it has more edge to it, like she doesn't want to be doing this, not enjoying it.

"Why are we here, Mary?" Sam says softly. He can sense that if one of the girls didn't want to do this, it'd be her. She could get them out of here. "We didn't leave your mother, whoever told you that is a liar. Besides, this happened 4 years ago, why are you coming to us about it now?"

"Here's why I think you're lying to me, Sam," she stepped closer to him, putting a hand on the chair so she can lean on it a little, closer to him, "your grandfather came and had a little chat with me and Mel last night, quite the charmer, and more than ready to sell you two out."

"What? Samuel is dead."

"Yeah, you all have a knack for dodging reapers. Anyways, he came and talked to us, told all us all about your adventures together a couple of years back. You even left your own brother for dead, you let him turn into a vampire, which really is harder to believe than my parent's story because I thought you two loved each other." She shrugs, moving away from the chair, "but if that's what you're into, I guess."

"What are you talking about?"

Dean intervenes, "Damn it. Look, he didn't have a soul."

"He what?" Her expression did a full one-eighty as she walked over to Dean's side to hear his story. She knows if Mel could see her right now she's yell at her for listening to them, but she's not like her sister. She needs to know the truth from all sides.

"Sam he... I don't know why we're telling you this, you and your sister—"

"Have you in a hideout where we could leave you for dead. Tell me."

"Son of a bitch," he mutters under his breath and she lets him regain his words for a moment before he sighs and keeps going, "Sam stopped the apocalypse by throwing himself into this cage thing that Lucifer was trapped in with him. Cass got him out but couldn't bring his soul with him so Sam was walking around for the better half of two years soulless. He did some pretty awful things and he's trying to make up for it, but you can't hold that against him."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Where were you?" She asks, her voice vastly softer than it was before and it gives both of the boys hope.

"I don't even remember what you're talking about, I wasn't there. I didn't see Sam except a year after he was out."

She nods once then takes a deep breath before landing a punch to Dean's face. Which really is a shame because she's learned to like it so much, not that that matters to her. She keeps going, blow after blow. Sam starts yelling at her to stop while he tugs in his ropes.

She only comes back when someone holds her back, both hands on her waist. "Why are you doing that?"

She almost punches Dumah too, but she's not stupid, it wouldn't do anything and she did need to eventually get off Dean.

"You know," Dean says after he spits the blood that's pooled in his mouth, "Bobby's gonna find us, and he ain't gonna be happy about this little set up you have."

"Yeah? You son of a bitch," Mary's crying now, actual full tears, "let him come find you, all he'll find are your bodies anyways."

Dumah walks her out of the dungeon, leaving the two boys in the dark room once more. Sam tried to control his breathing as he looks for anything around him he can use to cut these ropes.

Lucky for them, Dean's plan worked out perfectly. "Dean?" Sam calls when he feels his brother pulling at the ropes holding their hands tightly together, "what are you doing?"

"Snatched her necklace while she was too busy hitting me. It's glass."

"Well don't break it, you asshole."

"I didn't, it's pretty damn sharp." Sam sighs and leans his head back so he's staring at the ceiling.

"Why didn't you tell her?" Sam asks, but he almost regrets it the moment he does. They could be listening in right now, it's more than likely, but he needs to know why he's lying to the girls.

"About?"

"You know, man. Why didn't you tell her you killed them?" Dean shakes his head but he remembers Sam can't see him and opts for freeing his hand quicker instead. He doesn't want to have this conversation while the girls are outside.

A minute later, they're both free and rubbing their wrists. "Why didn't you tell her?"

"Tell her what? 'Sorry I stabbed your parents, they were a couple of demons'? Besides, what kind of hunters don't have anti-possession tattoos? It's all kinds of wrong, man, and i don't wanna piss these two off more than we already have." Sam nods as they both try to open the door quietly.

"You know our excuse was stupid though, our stories don't match up at all."

"Yeah, we tried."

"Also Samuel's alive, how is that possible?"

"Maybe Crowley's doing?" Sam nods again in agreement as dean finally gets the door opened fully. They both step out trying to make as little noise as possible and they start looking around the bunker for the exits.

The bunker was made to be like a panic room, so the exits are all obvious. Both boys make it there quickly, and easily.

Almost too easily.

"Hey, Dean." The older Winchester nods, trying to be quiet.

"Don't you think it was a little too easy? I mean, this place has an angel and two very skilled hunters who trapped us, how did we find the exits and leave in five minutes?"

"I don't know, Sam, luck? Whatever it is, we don't question it till we get the hell out of here and back to Bobby's." But it isn't enough for Sam, especially not when he's figured it out.

"Remember Gabriel?"

Dean groans, fed up either way his brother's unnecessary conversations, "Shut up, Sammy, will you?"

"Remember him?"

"The angel? Yes, of course."

"He was a trickster too, could make you think you were anywhere you wanted." Dean nods again, too busy picking at the lock of the exit.

"Yeah, yeah, interesting stuff, give me a hand?"

"Dumah! Give it up!" Sam yells to the sky, looking nowhere in particular. Dean's eyes widen as he looks at his brother like he's crazy.

"What are you—"

"Shut up. Come on, i figured it out, let us go so we can all talk." And just as easily as they found that door, they're right back to the dungeon where they started.

"Goddamn it! Another trickster? Do you angels never stop being douche bags."

"Sorry, boys. We needed to know the truth." Mary's once sweet voice is now much more like it was the first time they all saw each other.

"So none of it was real? We never talked? You never hit Dean?"

"I would never hurt that pretty face, now would I?" She taunts, letting her finger trace Dean's jawline while he glared at her.

"And Samuel?"

"No idea who that even is. I was gonna make it your uncle but I didn't know if John had brothers."

"You—"

"If you say bitch, I'm going to punch you for real this time. Think of a new insult, man, we get it." She moves to whisper something in Dumah's ear and he leaves so she's alone with both of the boys.

"Sam, Dean, I don't want to keep you here, I really don't, but you lied to us." She walks over to Sam's side much like she did in the fantasy Dumah made up for the boys, "and I don't like liars, especially ones that admit to killing my parents. You do know exorcisms exist, right? You don't kill people because they have demons inside of them."

"Actually," Dean mocked, "that's exactly what you do."

Mary's eyes darken as she lets out a noise that's something between a scoff and growl, but it's Melissa's broken voice that speaks from the door's entryway, "You have no respect for them, do you? They were hunters! They helped kill demons by your side and you killed them. Now their daughters are trying to understand what happened and you lie to us? You disrespect them over and over again? What's wrong with you?"

"Melissa." Sam whispers exactly what the girls need to hear, "we're sorry. We're so sorry."

They had said it once, back at Bobby's house, but it was out of fear. Sam says it for a completely different reason that time.

For closure.

"So what? He admits to letting them die and we just tell them to hop right out of here? What's wrong with you?" Mary's voice is altitudes over what's acceptable, but she doesn't seem to care. Big sister or not, these men ware who she has been looking for this whole time, she can’t let them go.

"We're not killers, M, we got what we wanted. We spent years asking what the hell happened to them, why the Winchesters left them for dead, and now we know. They did what we would've done. It's over."

"What we would've done— are you hearing yourself? These are our goddamn parents you're talking about, no, I would not have done that." They're both yelling at each other, almost screaming, in the research room, and it scares Melissa a little because they've never been like this before. She's always had the authority in the house, older and all that, but even if Mary did question it, she'd never go this far.

"We're hunters, of course, we would've."

"Not to our—"

"I'm done with this, Mary. If you don't like it, come take the damn keys from my hands, go inside there, and kill them, but just to be clear, I ain't making it easy on you."

It isn't that Mary's weak, because of course she isn't, or that Melissa's stronger, just that Melissa's magic always puts her at an advantage, that and the fact that she's never scared to play dirty, whatever that means to her.

"You're a bitch, you know that?" Mary throws Dean's words at her sister but Mel just shrugs, walking over to the room where she left the boys and Dumah, but to her surprise, they're gone.

"Great, now we have a target on our backs and it's the damn Winchesters."

"Do you think this is another—" Sam tried but Dean cut him off with an over dramatic shiver.

"Don't even think about it, he's the one who helped us out, we're fine." Sam nods and they keep walking till their phones finally get signals and they call Bobby to come get them. He's never been to the girl's bunker so it takes a little over an hour for him to make it to where they are, the whole time the two boys are tense, almost waiting for someone to come out of the shadows with a gun.

Sam's overthinking doesn't end the second he's in the car and no longer awaiting an attack. Weirdly, Dumah let them go. Well, not really, he just left the room and they were no longer tied up so... he didn't technically do anything but he must've known the boys would've found a way out. Was he scared that the Rhodes would kill Sam and Dean?

Sam doesn't think they're capable of murder, not that he's a mind reader, but from what he's seen, they just seem broken. Lost. Looking for answers. Much like Sam and Dean were when they were looking for Yellow Eyes. And he gets it, Dean killed their mum and dad, why on earth would they let it go for so many years, is the real question, and the fact that they're hunters makes it worse too. They knew something bad must've happened.

It must have been awful, living for years with the fact that the men that killed your parents were out there, and worse of all, some of the most known hunters out there. Sam and Dean weren't celebrities, but there isn't a supernatural hunter or being that doesn't know who they are, whether it be because the boys stopped the apocalypse (and started it) or simply because they saved a family, or because they have books written about them, it could be for a million reasons.

That has to hurt. A lot, especially now that the two men they wanted to kill so bad had admitted to it and escaped. Dean hasn't been soft either, he's been a dick the whole time to human girls who lost their human parents.

Sam isn't holding anything against them, he gets it.

"Hey, man," Dean says from the passenger's seat, catching Sam's attention from where he's sulking in the back. "You good?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"We'll get them, don't worry."

Bobby scoffs, "Like hell, you will." And it's the first time he's talking to them since they got in the car.

"What do you mean? They kidnapped us, knocked you out, and got an angel to mess with our heads. Of course, they're on our hit list." Dean voices his anger and it doesn't sit right with Sam. They were just scared. And we were assholes, he thinks.

"You idiots won't lay a finger on 'em, you get me? These girls meant no harm." He takes a left and parks the car in his shop, looking at Dean now. "You got it, boy?"

He lets out a breath and leaves the car, slamming its door so hard Sam can still hear it ringing in his ears long after he's got out and set up the couch to sleep on. It's been a long day and he isn't in the mood to drive back to the bunker, and because they both have a freak-telepathy thing, it's decided they'll spend the night here.

But it still doesn't sit right with Sam. Even if they meant no harm, why leave the room the way they did? They seemed angry, and the boys could hear the argument they were having in the dungeon. He knows one thing though, he's never been a killer, and he won't start now.

tags. @therealabadoodle @naylanae-0308

[dee-in-the-box]

so. thought a little too hard about my headcanons for Dsaf 3. and now i'm a bit sad. so now y'all get some!

Jack listening to Henry's tapes and getting about...five more reasons to want to tear that man to shreds. at lest three of them involved Dave. the other two involve Dee and himself.

Dee first coming out of her box in The Flipside looking like the Puppet, but then shifting into looking like herself again when she sees Jack. and then shifting into the Puppet again when the fight starts. just. my Dee shapeshifting headcanon <3 (basically, after she died, Dee could shift her ghostly appearance into being either the Puppet or a ghostly version of herself)

Jack looking at Blackjack and just seeing a younger version of himself, frozen in time. this young man in his early twenties, his whole life ahead of him, who had all of that ripped away from him cruelly. his sister. his brother. himself. all by the same man. reduced to a snarling ball of rage, who wants nothing more than to rip Henry to shreds where he stands. the only reason he hasn't done so is because he's been convinced that doing so won't truly set him free. when Fredbear told Jack that, despite the souls desiring vengeance, killing their killer would not set them free, Blackjack took that to mean that it wouldn't set him free either. he's been stewing in his rage and grief for decades, neither feeling ever subsiding in that time. if anything, his rage has only increased. he lost everything because of Henry. why wouldn't he be angry? and so, if everyone else must move on, and leave him there to guard Henry and make sure he doesn't cause any problems, alone, then he will.

Jack finally helping to set him free, looking his younger self in the eyes and saying maybe that means that killing Henry is the one thing that will set him free. and even if it isn't...well, he needs to be dealt with, anyway. what if he gets out and causes problems again? just...Jack looking at Blackjack and feeling both like he's looking at a window into the past, yet also like he's looking at a different person entirely. because he and Blackjack are separate people, technically. but it's also him looking at himself.

Jack holding Dave's hand as they confront Henry, and squeezing it a little bit reassuringly. Dave tightening his grip as he gets more stressed.

Peter's death in the Henry fight being the thing that makes Jack say that their anger pushes them harder, and Dee's death leading to the line "We're gonna fuckin' FLAY you alive, Henry!" from Jack...like. just imagine how enraged he probably sounded, seeing Dee go down again. do you think it reminded him of the day she died? the day he went back to the diner to find her and bring her home, only for him to keep calling out for her and looking for her as the horror dawned on him that he couldn't find her? do you think that's what was running through his mind?

Jack and Dave reaching the end, and jack admitting that he can't go with them. Blackjack interjecting that...there is something they can try. no guarantee that it'll work, but it's worth a shot. Blackjack can try to fuse back together with him; not necessarily the same thing as shoving someone's soul back into their body, which is a big no no, apparently, but maybe a piece of him will break off, and it'll become Jack's soul. maybe them fusing will trick the universe into thinking Jack has a soul. who knows, but hopefully it'll work. and it does. Jack, by some miracle, gets his own soul out of this in a way that'll allow Blackjack to still exist. he also gets Free Afterlife Top Surgery™, because at this point he deserves it. he's been through so much shit.

at the end of the fire, Jack just looks at Dave and Blackjack and says "Come on, guys. Let's go home."

i just. aaaaaaAAAAAAAAA-

also, some Afterlife headcanons for y'all:

Peter: "Jackie, with all due respect, you have the weirdest taste in men." Jack just hanging out with Dave in the corner: "Peter, wtf-"

Steven just immediately laid down on the floor of the Afterlife and slept for a while. he was. So Fucking Tired.

Jack: "Okay, therapy circle time-" Dave: "Absolutely not, we don't have time to unpack all that." Jack: "Dave, we have nothing BUT time to unpack all of that-"

Peter and Caroline reunion <3

[noa-de-cajou]

Yavana belongs to @thal-ent

October 24th, 2013

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to help me.

I wake up in a cold sweat.

It’s not the nightmares. Just the memories. Which is worse, somehow.

The room is too quiet. Too big. I’m used to the bunk beds, to sleep on the top one because I'm too tall and knock my head on the frame all the time, but to knock it on the ceiling anyway. It got me giggles from Jacek and Tobiasz below, from Lucjan snuggled up next to me, from the twins in the other bed.

Now the mattress is too large for one person and there's too much space between me and the ceiling. I’ve always dreamt of having a space to myself, just to myself, yet now I just want to be crammed up in that tiny room again. Like I'm a baby who never grew up.

But I keep growing. No matter how much I pull on the sleeves of those pajamas, they don't even reach my wrists. I’m already taller than Mr Sadowski even though I'm not even half his age, he keeps joking about it to try and make me crack a smile. It never works. Maybe if I just don't react, it'll make him stop.

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to help me.

A scream startles me awake again. A baby’s. Celestyn’s. Just like it startled me back to my senses last month.

It didn’t matter then, that I might be in danger. The only thing that mattered was protecting my brothers. I couldn’t let him kill them too.

And look where it got me.

I’m exaggerating. It could have been worse.

Could it really have been worse?

… I’m not gonna be able to fall back asleep again. Might as well get up.

I’m careful to not make the floorboards creak too loud. The apartment didn’t have floorboards, just tiles. Made it easier to be quiet. Not wake him up when he was passed out drunk in front of the TV.

With the Sadowskis, it's different. It’s late, I just don’t want to wake them up. They probably won't even be mad if I do. Mrs Sadowski will probably even ask me if everything's okay, if I need anything, if I want to maybe call my older brother even if it's the middle of the night, and it will irritate me and I'll refuse dryly and she'll just nod and go back to sleep.

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to help me.

I make my way downstairs. I’ll just fix up a snack and watch some dumb nightly TV show and try not to think about how Kamil bawled and clung to my arm when his own foster parents came to get him.

The kitchen lights are on. Shit.

I contemplate going back to my room. But I remember the emptiness and the silence and it makes me nauseous. So I step into the kitchen and rehearse the lines I already know by heart.

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to help me.

It’s Yavana. Just my luck.

I've been avoiding her. I just can’t bear to talk to her in class, it makes it too real. I can't bear to see her at dinner every evening with her sister, either. It reminds me too much of what I was robbed of.

Guess I can’t avoid her anymore.

She jumps a little when I enter. I don't blame her. I’ve learned to move quietly, after all.

“Oh… Hi, Simowiet. Can't sleep?”

I just nod. My jaw is clenched shut as the words try to tattoo themselves on my tongue.

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to help me. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to help me. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to –

“I was about to make tea. Do you want some?”

...

There’s no pity in those eyes. Her smile doesn't hide any either.

She just looks… tired.

I gulp. It's a little harder to, suddenly. My eyes burn a little. I lower my head so she doesn't see me crying, even if I'm not crying yet.

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to help me.

But I do want tea.

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

She smiles again and turns back to the kettle.

“Okay. I have apple cinnamon, berries and lemon here. Which one do you want?”

“Apple cinnamon.”

“Alright. Coming right up.”

“Thanks.”

I sit down at the kitchen table, she boils the water. And when it’s done, she sits too and we drink our tea in silence.

It’s the first time in a month that silence hasn't felt heavy at all.

I don’t want to talk. I don’t want pity. I don’t want you to help me.

And neither do you.

[jonathanjohnnyjones]

Sorry I haven't been too active here lately. My mental state is quite frankly shit, and this month hits me harder than usual. I lost someone a couple years ago to cancer and tomorrow would be her birthday. I won't lie, it's been fucking me up since mid-January. I just want tomorrow to be over, and I don't even know how I'll feel after that.

She was like a sister to me, a friend of 22 years violently ripped away by a rare type of cancer. It never gets any easier dealing with it, even after two years.

I'm barely holding it together, doing so many things, trying to be there for others when I wish someone could be there for me, but hiding my issues in order not to be a burden, or to try and not think about everything and distract myself.

Won't lie, I feel shattered inside. I'm having trouble picking up the pieces to even put them back together again. I just want love and support, but I feel like if I ask for it, it'll come off as fake. I hate this, and I just want to be happy but the trauma inside of me tells me I don't deserve it so I isolate myself and throw myself into helping others when I hurt too. Tried to help myself, but antidepressants can only do so much. I don't even usually talk about my feelings. I like to keep this shit private but in truth, it really does just hurt too much to keep holding in. I feel like a pressure cooker that's ready to explode.

I've always prided myself on being a safe place for people, someone who'd listen and understand and help the best I can. Someone people can lean on. Guess I have Johnny's supportive friend complex, but with that comes putting aside my own feelings at times or not admitting I need that, too.

It just sucks hard right now, to deal with and compartmentalize these things on my own, to sit with my own thoughts when they aren't that great.

But, I'll keep pushing through like I always do, because that's really the only choice I have.

Depending on my mood, I may or may not be on in the upcoming days. Apologies to everyone I've owed threads to since forever. I will get them done, it'll just take time.

I need time, myself.

[queer-advice-hotline]

Hi Synn! I already thought your name was cool just looking at it, but then I actually pronounced it and I was like 😮 so awesome. Anyway, not the point. I need help :(

Okay, so I'm queer and transmasc 17-year-old Ohioian living with conservative parents. While Ohio may have many problems, the process of starting hrt as an adult and changing your name and legal sex seem relatively painless. I intend to see planned parenthood on my 18th birthday about starting t. I'm also going to start my legal transition within that week.

HOWEVER. Small (huge) problem. I'm not out yet, as queer or trans. My birthday is in mid May, and I want my parents to have at least a little time to process my gender stuff before I start transitioning, so I want to come out around a month beforehand (I'm too scared to do it earlier than that). I also want to come out as queer before that. They'll have a much easier time with the queer thing than the trans thing, and coming out as them separately with time in between would certainly be easiest. When my sister came out as a bisexual, it took about six months for it to just be normal. We are WAY past that point. I know it'll take less time with me since they've been through it before, but still. The clock is really ticking and the longer I wait, the harder coming out as trans will be.

Two problems. One, I'm not ready. I've been trying to convince myself to come out as queer for about 6 months now, and I'm just so scared. More pressingly, however, is that now is a VERY bad time to come out. My dad, the much more accepting of my parents, is away almost constantly taking care of his sick mom. The only reason he'll stop is to get and recover from a surgery he has to get in the next couple months. Between him not being here to help my mom through this and the high stress situation of his surgery makes me feel like throwing the queer bombshell right now might not be the best idea. But we don't even know when the surgery will be yet.

I'm really nervous about the whole thing. I want to make this as easy as possible for them, but I let my fear push me past my window of opportunity and now I have to wait a long and unknown amount of time to tell them I'm queer. If push comes to shove, I AT LEAST have to be out as trans by May 3rd and out as queer by mid April. But I don't know if even that will be long enough removed from the surgery stuff. I know there isn't really anything you can do, or I can do really, but I'm scared :( help?

Trying to force yourself to come out doesn’t seem to be helping you, so step one would be to take a step back and stop making it seem like this hard deadline you have to meet. I get that it can seem stressful, since you want to transition as quickly as possible, but I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere by trying to rush.

You said your sister has already come out, so reaching out to her for support may be helpful to you. She may be able to provide some tips, or even be there with you when you do it to support you.

As for fearing a bad reaction, I know his may be hard to hear, but waiting to come out until you’re financially independent may be more helpful, in case things go badly. Coming out as queer may be alright, and if you want to do that, go for it. But seeing as your parents haven’t had any experience with a child of theirs being trans, you don’t have a guarantee on how they’ll react. You can always start by talking about a “trans friend” you have. You can also mention a trans celebrity or anything like that to see what their reaction will be.

If you are absolutely dead set on beginning your transition when you turn 18, it will be possible to hide it from them for a while, to give yourself time to adjust to the change, but then you run the risk of them finding out before you want them to.

Since you said your father isn’t home much, maybe telling them over text will be easier for you, and you can have your sister or any queer friends you may have help you word it or be there with you when you send it. If you decide to have a face to face conversation, having someone else could still be helpful.

[izzy-b-hands]

I know everyone on here only knew her via my occasional posts about work (back when I worked at the clinic in ND), but I wanted to post a small something about Pam, in honour of her passing today.

Pam had been at the clinic longer than any of us. And she was truly one of those employees that helped keep things running. She knew each doctor (but the MDs in particular, always the pickier and more needy than the ODs) like the back of her hand, in both scheduling requirements and overall likes and hates and needs. At first, she scared the ever-loving fuck out of me. She could be gruff, and occasionally outright mean, though I will always be grateful to her for the kindness she showed me compared to other trainees. Some of that may have come at first because she knew/worked alongside my mum for a few years prior to my being hired, but in time I found out that she simply did like me. Appreciated that I wanted to work hard and be better at everything in my life. Understood that life hadn't necessarily been kind or fair to me or my family and understood that well, because it hadn't been to her either.

Occasionally she'd be gone from work due to her Crohn's, and other chronic issues, and that was only what she'd tell you about. The implication was that, while she overall was quite happy with how things had ended up, there had been a lot of rough shit in between that had toughened Pam up a lot. It made her seem impossible to get to know to some, but I can say it was worth the work. Underneath the shell she'd had to grow to get through, there was a very kind, understanding woman who genuinely wanted the best for those she saw as doing their best in a world that's not easy for anyone to live in, even in the best of times and circumstances.

I admit, we did all encourage less than ideal parts of each other. She smoke too much and drank too much (and during the time in my life when I drank, we overdid it on her favourite long island iced teas more than once during happy hour after work.) But it helped to deal with things as work at the clinic got harder and things changed, unfortunately for the worse both for staff and patients (but I digress on that. The place is still running with Pam and I and many others gone, like any other privately owned rural clinic. When they're one of the few places open for care, they always straggle on no matter what they do to anyone else.) None of the above mentioned changed how fucking hard she worked though, and how she'd put her own job on the line to help out coworkers and patients alike whenever the chance arose.

That said, we helped get each other through the rougher days, and she gave me fantastic life advice in the times in between. Advice that finally helped get me out of ND, in fact, when it became clear that living there was no longer safe. Some of her best bits that I've engraved into my head are: 'there's always another job out there, another place to live, another person to meet that might be a friend to you. Don't let despair override your chance at something better, kinder, or easier. Take the treats that you can in life, whether that's a good drink or a favourite food or outing (she enjoyed the casino herself.) Don't worry too much about overindulging, because the time here is too fucking short anyway for it to matter in the way you think it will. Live your life, and feel it all in full, because it'll go by you faster than you expect.'

So tonight, with Housemate, I'm going to try and take her advice. I'm going to let myself be sad and miss her. I'll let myself be sad that it happened the way it did (barely a few days in hospice, from a cancer that it seems she didn't know about until very near the end. I only hope they had good meds to help her not hurt so much and that they let her have a few drinks and cigarettes if she wanted them.) We'll eat a good dinner, with food and drink that we like, and we'll look to see what we can send for flowers to her funeral (her sisters and nephews, I'm told, are doing their best to set it all up, but aside from that and past coworkers, I don't know if there's much of anyone else left to go to it or send anything. The least I can do to thank her for treating me with kindness and care when others didn't is to send flowers, I think.)

And I'll have a little, non-alcoholic, toast to her life and memory. May her memory be a blessing, and may whatever there is after this life be kind to Pam. She deserves that and more.

[oliviaamendola]

[ 𝕥𝕖𝕩𝕥 ] - 𝓉𝑜𝓂 & 𝑜𝓁𝒾𝓋𝒾𝒶

tom: do we come to the reality that friendships as adults is just another area in out adult lives that we have to figure out? i do miss the days when you could just say you liked someone's shirt on a playground and they become your best friend. i try to be but you're kind and i can't overlook that. it takes a lot to be kind these days. it was lovely to see you in berlin, love. did you have a good time getting to be a part of the culture? it fascinating to be at a proper oktoberfest. when i tell you that mia loved getting to meet you, i truly mean that. she absolutely loved your little family and that makes me realize we need to get together more often. care to make this a monthly thing? now that would be hilarious to see! went the opposite direction on the skills but how lovely your house would be when he's older and can play music for you all. christmas carols on the piano? i may have to crash your holidays. i have a feeling that scarlett and mia will be running over these boys before they even know it. i can only send pictures if you promise to send me them in return because this smile? why are they always so precious when they don't have teeth? pure gums. she's got a beauty to her then and i have no doubt that she gets it from you. would you say that weston looks more like danny then? i can see the similarities in their features. oh, i would never. besides, we all get overly emotional about our kids. they're our greatest treasures, least that's how i see it so you're fully warranted to go off about how much you adore them. they're yours and the best parts of you, yeah? has it been nice having kids close together? i tend to think about having more kids, now more than i ever have because mia is getting closer to being one but... it's mental thinking about her growing up and being a big sister eventually. i know that i'm ready but i just need the greenlight from nat since she's the one that calls that shots. she had a relatively easy pregnancy with mia but i want her to be ready more than anything. one of five? ah, one more and i am so i do get it. are you the youngest? oldest, like me? how has the season been going for danny?

Liv: it's just harder. when you're a kid, you see your friends every day at school or in the neighborhood. when you're an adult, your friends could be all over the world so it takes actual effort to keep the friendship. which i don't hate at all, because the people who want to be in your life make that effort. it doesn't mean you talk every day, but effort is effort in my eyes. what's the sense in being mean? feels like a wasted effort in my opinion. germany was really fun! i'd never been before so it was amazing to be there during such an iconic time. big fan of the dirndl. have you been before? aww, what a sweetheart! mia is stunning and you might have a little model on your hands. can we? i could kiss her cute little cheeks all day long and scarlett loved having someone a little more alert than her brother to play with. if you ever want to come to vegas to catch a game, let me know. though i wouldn't be offended if vegas is the last place you want to visit 😂 my entire family is musical – we all sing and play at least one instrument. danny has a nice voice and plays the guitar, so it's really not an option that these kids will be musical in some way. you're more than welcome to crash any time, especially if we're in rhode island because christmas there is nothing short of pure magic. of course! you don't have to ask me twice considering my camera roll is mostly of them. and you better be sending mia pics in exchange! aww, thank you. obviously i think she's gorgeous but it's nice hearing it from an unbiased source too! a little bit! his eyes are darker, but he reminds me a lot of scarlett so it'll be interesting to see if he grows more into his amendola side. ideal for me, because a mini danny would be the cutest thing! hopefully they're the best parts of us. it's all any parent wants for their kids, right? i've enjoyed their close age range. it's hard right now because they're both so dependent on us but i think that they'll be close when they're older. and it helps that we're still on diaper duty with scarlett so we didn't get spoiled with having to go back to them. i've heard that's the worst, haha! one is still little, but there's no right or wrong way to go. you have to do what's best for you and your family, and sometimes it just happens and it's a nice surprise when it does. whether mia is one or eleven, she's going to be an amazing big sister! smart man to realize it's your wife who calls the shots! every pregnancy is different too. scarlett was a fairly quick birth and weston came twice as fast, which was slightly terrifying but not at the same time since we had already been through it once before. you're the oldest? how old is your youngest sibling? no, i'm right in the middle – the neglected middle child, which speaks so much to my personality haha! @tcmhcll

[lifestoryparty]

Ive been doing a lot of reflecting, processing, dealing with things and then I had a serious thing happen to me yesterday. I feel like i need to journal more often tbh I've been slacking. But I almost died yesterday. Me and my grandma were going to my house and while we were waiting at a stop light a car drove through the intersection through the red light and slammed so hard and fast into an SUV. They richocheted so hard and with so much speed that they were heading straight at me and my grandma. I can still remember the sound of the metal and glass and this sinking feeling like almost weird acceptance like ok this is it. I knew my head was going to go through the glass, from the force at that speed and I was going to either die or be in bad shape. At the very last second they managed to steer away from us and miss us. I wasn't even scared but now it's like something that keeps flashing in my head at times.

I think it just makes me weirded out and like I had inspiration before but now I feel even more motivated in some ways to reach my goals, to love harder, to live my life. I've always kinda known what I wanted from my life and who I am it's just the health and mental health has kinda held me back but now I have all the specialists I need and appointments lined up. I got nuero opthalmologist next week, my mouthguard actually got covered by my insurance so now I have over 3k saved up now I was excited for that. I sadly do have to get ankle surgery and it'll kinda have me out of commission for a month but after that I'll be able to run and hike and be active again which I'm super excited about. Rehabs here suck ass and are more drug addiction based so so may have to do an outpatient partial hospitalization program to work on my anxiety and sensory issues/visual snow with some occupational therapy too. I pushed college back to the spring because it's probably going to take a little more time before I am ready for it but I need to do these things for myself to be stronger and more independent and I'm terrified but I am excited about the person I can be on the other side of this. I know that I want to be a therapist as well I know that's what I'm good at and I understand people, I can help people, it will also make me a better person and better suited to deal with my own shit but also anyone in my life. I just got to be patient and I can have everything I ever wanted it's just gonna take some time.

In other news my sister got her cancer test and she's negative on that so I am highly thankful on that. I have also finished writing my 2nd book but I might give it some time before a I publish since my first book was recent but I think this one is pretty good! My sister has also been pushing me to keep up with my German learning as well. She's very competitive and likes to be like look how far I am on my Japanese and she keeps pushing me to keep up with it but I mean I already was but she likes pushing my buttons. lmao. I am learning a decent amount of vocab I just forget how to speak it vocally or certain phrases but I am always in the top 3 leaderboards each week. Otherwise just been listening to a lot of music lately trying to drown out how busy my brain is lately but I am glad to have my plan laid out for the next few months. I got this.

I know I am a bit tired looking but this is going to be my where I am at vs where I am down the row pic as a reminder of what I survived 😂

[cordelianewman]

No, you haven't, but I'm just saying that you can't start now. Too late, not that I think you're going to, but figured it's kind of one of those -- let me point out the obvious. Wait till you have to pull out more blonde hair out of the drain because Rosalyn's hair is getting longer and it's just as blonde as mine. Maybe every once and a while I could get along with going outside and letting you keep me warm in between since I don't see us taking long to grill the steaks. Mainly because we'd be grilling a burger or hot dog for Rosalyn since she's not quite up to chomping on a whole steak yet. She likes a few bites but that's about it, nor is it enough to keep her belly filled. It's only a matter of time before crushes are going to happen, even at a young age. She likes dancing, a lot, she also really enjoys gymnastics, and that will keep her busy if she's always doing that. Men are assholes, but not all men, but it's something we're inevitably going to have to deal with when she comes home and says she likes a boy from kindergarten and then says she loves a boy, even though she won't have a clue what that means, but will be going off of seeing us in a healthy relationship. It'll be cute, and you will not be attempting to strike the fear into a five year old when that time comes. Nor sending her older brother to do just that either. You don't have to worry about that, he signed his rights away all too easily, he has no plans on coming back for her, and you don't have to worry about coming up against walls that will suddenly make everything harder. It's selfish that I wish I could just legally put you on the birth certificate and let you be the father, but given later in life, depending on health she has a right to know, I know that we will have to be honest. You haven't, and honestly, I loved being pregnant with her. Okay, I grumbled but I was on my feet working two jobs, I was tired, but it went really well. I have ultrasounds and photos I can show you if you're interested. Aside from needing the epidural everything went smoothly, so I'm not really worried about pregnancy other than how difficult it might be getting pregnant the older I get. You'll always make sure I'm safe and healthy, but you also have to be calm. We may only get one shot at this and I want you to enjoy this, ever moment of it. When it happens. I can talk to my doctor, see what she says about coming off birth control, I don't want to do it this near the wedding in case it could mess with hormones without discussing it with her first. I mean.. not necessarily, there are techniques of taking temperatures and tracking cycles to make sure you're not having sex when you're likely to get pregnant. It's a natural form of birth control, apparently. Something I can talk to the doctor about, I will make an appointment this upcoming week or next.

Kellan will survive it's not like he doesn't end up baking the blueberries into delicious muffins to sell, so he can't be that heartbroken! Is that what he's into blondes? Because I have a few friends who are blonde. Or is he a brunette? Red head? I'm just saying I have friends of all kinds. I would like to enjoy our honeymoon, and I can get a leave from school due to it, but I want to celebrate Colton so I'm figuring after the fact. I get it, but kids at this age feel like they're much more grown up then they are. I mean, I hate to be the one to point it out but I was fifteen when we -- you know... decided we were ready for those adult steps. I'm not saying we should encourage it, of course, but we need to be more level headed because it's not something you want to traumatize him with or embarrass him. Think talking to him together might be good, or I can talk to him first and then you come in and we talk together, set some ground rules. Mainly because I get there's always chances it could happen, but in our house, there's rules to be respected. If he's watching his sister there's no sneaking off with the girlfriend to get handsy, Rosalyn's safety comes first. There's also just general respect for his body and her body. So maybe, going at it from that way and it will hold him off for awhile longer. If not, thinking bribing will work? No sex until after eighteen and you'll get so much money for a car or something? Maybe not the best idea but I'm thinking off the top of my head here.

Okay, but basically what I said still applies -- have I ever complained about you? Other than your cold feet pressed against my calves all night, or when I have to pull long blonde hairs out of the shower drain, but I've even come to love those little things about you. I think you actually would come out in the cold to help me grill if I offered to wrap my arms around you and give you one of those great big, enveloping bear hugs and not let you go, though, that's the catch. But don't worry, the food won't freeze, I'll be sure to get it back to the house, safe and sound. No frozen steaks. I'm already having a midlife crisis over one of my kids, can we not bring the idea forward of Rosalyn having a crush on football players, please? Maybe she should just stuck with dancing, she likes dancing, right? Unless you tell me she's got a crush on someone in her dance class, and then I give up. I know, logically, I know that. But I also know that men are stubborn, and assholes are, well, assholes. And I just had this thought in my head that he would fight it just for the sake of fighting it, argue tooth and nail that he suddenly needed to be in her life, but I'm… I'm really glad that he's not, as awful as that sounds. I know that you will. And when the time comes that we need to tackle those big conversations with her, we will. I just want her to always remember me as the dad that tucked her in at night and helped her groom Beanstalk and let her watch Bluey late at night when she couldn't sleep. If I've achieved that, I've achieved everything. I don't think I've ever really asked you about your pregnancy with Rosalyn. I … don't even know if I've seen photos of you pregnant, now that I think about it? I'm sure I have, I'm pretty sure you have some here in the house, but I'm not really sure it ever registered in my mind as 'oh, hey, that's Cordelia, pregnant,' you know? But good, that's good -- that it was good, I mean. That… does make me feel a little better. And I know you wouldn't hide anything, I also just don't want you to be afraid to tell me things, because I want to work through it with you, step up and do what I have to do to make sure that you're safe and healthy. And try not to freak out, too, I know. It would, I guess we should probably both do that. If we… are serious about this -- and I don't mean trying tomorrow or something, I just mean, do you think you should come off of birth control now? Give your body time to adjust? God, I'm going to have buy condoms.

I really feel like we should probably not call the fruits children anymore, because it's going to get both of us in trouble when he finds out about all of the metaphorical situations we're putting his blueberries through. Oh, okay, good point. I'll stop my slow dancing with you and yell 'yo, Brooksie, the blonde hottie in the pink dress,' across the dance floor, that's very couth, very appropriate wedding behavior. Either after his birthday or immediately after the wedding, it depends on where you want to go and how long you want to be away for, but either way, we'll make a big deal out of his birthday. I mean, if he's not still grounded. I know. And I'm sorry that I haven't been the most level headed, I'm trying. I'm just starting to realize exactly how my dad must have felt inside, he was just better at not showing it outside. He's only fourteen, baby, he's a kid. I want him to be a kid, I want them both to be kids, you know? I'm going to talk to him, sit him down and have an honest, open discussion about what's going on, but… I don't know, part of me thinks -- maybe he would feel more comfortable, or maybe it would be more beneficial if you talked to him, too? Or maybe if we both talked to him, together?

[dontcare77ghj]

Supposed to be a one night thing

Steve x reader x Bucky

Mob! Au

Authors Note; Sorry for the long absecne, I'm going to try harder to post. In the mean time, if you want some behind the scenes, or want to be friends, or are just bored, please follow me on the following;

https://www.instagram.com/paigedwrites/

Sleeping with two men after sharing a couple of dances and drinks with them was not your best moment.

Especially since you three started before you even left the club.

The next morning you had snuck out of the hotel room they'd brought you to before either man had a chance to wake up.

You thought that was it. One night, two months ago.

Except now, sitting on your bathroom floor, you realised that hadn't been it.

"God, fucking damn it." You swore, staring at the positive pregnancy test in your hands.

"Y/N, you good in there?" Wanda called from the other side of the doorway.

"No, I'm dead." You called back sarcastically, still staring at the stick.

"Don't take that tone with me, miss missy," Wanda said as she opened the door. "It's positive, isn't it?" She asked, closing the door behind her.

"I thought there was protection." You whispered as Wanda came and sat beside you. "I could've sworn there were condoms, and I'm on the pill! For Christ's sake!" You cried, throwing the stick across the room.

"The pill doesn't always work, and you said you were all really drunk, didn't you?" Wanda questioned you as her arm wound around your shoulders.

"We were." You nodded, curling into Wanda's side.

"Well, there you go. It doesn't take a genius to make a baby." Wanda tried to joke.

"No, it just takes so many shots of vodka." You groaned.

"Is it too soon to ask you what you want to do?" Wanda wondered.

"I don't know what I want to do yet." You said with a sigh. "I don't even know who those men or which is the father." You said, hiding your face in your hands. "God, I'm a slut."

"Oh, please, those two are the first men you've slept with in two years. You're hardly a slut." Wanda told you.

"I'm barely twenty-four, Wands. I don't know if I can be a mom." You said, looking at your friend.

"You have pretty much adopted those four kids that work for you. You're the most mothery person I know, and that's including other mothers." Wanda said.

"If I did keep it, I have nana's bakery, so it's not like I'm strapped for cash." You hummed. "I might have to find somewhere else to live."

"We have the spare room, hon. Granted, it's a little small, but it'll be fine for now for bubs." Wanda said. "Oh, I have to make a nursery Pinterest board now! When do we know if it's a girl or a boy? Or should we go something between like purple?" She questioned you.

"You'd still want to live with me? With a baby that'll spend half its first year screaming?" You rose a brow at the woman.

"It's not like my insomnia lets me sleep anyway." Wanda shrugged. "Hey, look at me. You are my best friend, the sister I wanted but didn't get. Of course, I wasn't going to kick you out when you're pregnant." She promised you.

"Have I ever told you I love you?" You asked the woman. 

"Not lately." She smiled.

"I love you, Wands."

"I love you too, Y/N. We'll figure this out. I promise."

Two Months Later

"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" Wanda cheered as she exited the doctor's office first.

"It was a fifty-fifty chance, Wanda." You rolled your eyes with a smile.

"But still, I was right!" She grinned, looping her arm around you. "And I think we should get ice cream for my little detkas."

"Not for you or me? Just for what's in my womb?" You rose a brow at the woman.

"I mean, we're going to get some too, but this way, we can pretend we're being healthy," Wanda said as the two of you rounded a corner.

But before the two of you could continue on your way, two black SUVs stopped in front of you.

"Should we run?" You asked, eyes darting to Wanda in fear.

"Too late." She nodded to another SUV behind you both.

"Ladies." A blonde man called as he exited one SUV, three other men right behind him. "We're going to need you to come with us."

"Yeah, we didn't ask for a ride, but thanks anyway." You said, causing a dark-skinned man to laugh.

"That's cute, honey, but the bosses want to see you." He chuckled. 

"You wouldn't want to start something that might hurt the baby in your belly, would you?" A man with long black hair wondered, causing another to smack him in the back of the head.

"Nothing will happen to any of you three if you just get in the car." The blonde man spoke again.

"I don't think we have much of a choice here, Y/N," Wanda whispered to you.

"No, I don't think we do." You sighed before the two of you began walking towards the men.

As the two of you got closer, the blonde man took hold of your forearm and pulled you into one car while another took Wanda and began dragging her towards the other.

"Wait, where are you taking her?" You demanded, watching as Wanda was bundled into the back of the other car. 

"Don't worry about her. She's going to be just fine as long as you cooperate." The man said as you were pushed into the car.

"How did no one react to two people being kidnapped in broad daylight?" You muttered to yourself.

"People see what we tell them to see." The dark-skinned man said as the car began to drive.

Too scared to anger your kidnappers, you kept silent in the back seat, your arms wrapped around your belly.

The windows were tinted so darkly that you couldn't tell where the men had driven you or how long it had been since you got into the car.

But all too soon, the car stopped.

"C'mon, little lady." The blonde said, opening your door and trying to take your arm.

Wrenching yourself out of his grasp, you stepped to the side before glaring at him.

"Put your hand on me, and it'll be the last thing it ever touches." You snapped, causing the darker man to laugh loudly as the blonde had the intelligence to look scared.

"Oh, I'm gonna like having you around." The man said, holding his hand out to you. "Sam."

"I'm not taking your hand." You said, wrapping your arms around your stomach.

"Fair enough." He nodded, letting his hand fall to his side. "This way." He gestured for you to follow him, the blonde man behind you.

You were certain you were going to die. 

That you, your babies, and Wanda, too, would all be dead by the end of the hour.

And your fears weren't lessened as Sam led you through what looked like an office building and bundled you into an elevator before pressing the top floor button.

"In you go, sweetheart," Sam said once the doors opened.

If you were going to die, there was no point in delaying the inevitable.

Steeling your shoulders, you walked out of the elevator into what appeared to be a large office.

You felt sorry for whoever was going to have to clean your blood out of these carpets.

"Y/N L/N." A man from behind the desk stated, causing you to freeze.

"I think she's surprised to see us, Buck." The other man chuckled.

"Of course, she is. I bet you never thought you'd see us again, huh, sweet thing?" Bucky questioned you, resting his elbows on the desk in front.

"Well, that is why I left before you two woke up." You sighed, walking closer to the two.

"You didn't think you could hide our baby from us, did you?" Steve cocked his head.

"Well, I didn't know who you were or have a phone number, and there's not exactly a message board for anonymous motel sex, is there?" You snarked, taking the seat opposite them. 

"You don't know who we are?" 

"Besides intimate details, no." You said, causing the two to share a look you couldn't discern. "What I do want to know is why the hell you had me and my friend kidnapped in broad daylight?"

"You're carrying our child, Y/N," Steve said as if that were all the explanation you needed.

"Which I still don't know how you found out about." You raised a brow.

"Our friend's wife works at your doctor's office. He recognised you." Bucky shrugged. 

"Okay, enough with the half-assed answers." You snapped.

"You might want to be careful what you say to us, kitten," Steve said warningly.

"I remember you liked my mouth. Or was it just what went in it and not out?" You narrowed your eyes at the blonde as Bucky laughed loudly.

"She's got fire, Stevie."

"Look, we can all agree that this," You gestured to your rounded stomach. "Is not what any of us planned. So, why don't you two go back to not knowing?" You suggested.

"Not knowing?"

"Yeah, me and my friend, who better still be in one piece, go back home, and you two can stay here and do whatever the hell it is you do." You explained. "You won't hear from any of us again."

"And what would you say if we offered you a million dollars to have this baby, give it to us, and you go on with your life?" Bucky offered.

"You could offer me the moon, and I'd turn it down." You shook your head.

"That's our baby, kitten." Steve reminded you. 

"It wouldn't be your baby if I filed for a restraining order, would it?" You asked, trying to sound threatening, only for the two to laugh.

"There isn't a judge in this city who isn't in our pocket, sweet thing," Bucky mentioned.

"How about we come to the obvious solution?" Steve asked, causing you to cock your head at him. "Co-parenting."

"There'd be rules." You crossed your arms across your chest.

"On both ends." Bucky nodded. 

"And conditions." You added. "Starting with my friend walking out of here without a scratch on her."

"Done." Steve nodded. "One of ours is you, and the baby would have to live with us."

"Excuse me?" You scoffed.

"We have a lot of enemies, sweet thing. It'd be safer for both of you." Bucky mentioned.

"Who the hell are you two?" You snapped, tired of the two's vague words.

"Sweetheart, we're the head of the Avengers mob."

"How the fuck did you not know you were sleeping with two mob bosses?" Wanda demanded as she entered the room Steve and Bucky had given you.

Apparently, the building Sam and the man you'd come to know as Clint had brought you to had many uses.

The lower floors were one of Steve and Bucky's many businesses, this one legal, and the top floors were home to them and theirs.

That now included you.

"I don't pay attention to who people are, Wanda! I don't know who the fucking President is!" You groaned, holding your head in your hands.

"After we fix this, you're not leaving my sight. Next thing I know, you'll be inviting a terrorist to dinner." Wanda sighed, sinking to sit beside you. "Did they hurt you?"

"No." You shook your head. "I don't think they will."

"They kidnapped us." Wanda reminded you.

"They could done a lot worse." You sighed. "Steve and Bucky said they'd call you a car when you're ready to go."

"Like hell, I'm leaving you here." Wanda scoffed. "You can tell them they can either set me up a bedroom next to yours, or we're sharing a bed."

"Wanda, it'd be safer for you back at the apartment." You told her.

"Y/N, after my parents, and Piet, you and these detkas are all the family I have left. I'm not going anywhere." Wanda promised, taking your hand.

"Alright. I'll let them know."

"My friend gets to stay."

"Deal."

"And you keep all your mob dealings away from us."

"We can do that."

"But we need you to stay here for your own safety."

"I have a business to run."

"We have an intern who can take over for you."

"I'd need to meet him."

"We can arrange for that."

"We're also going to need to keep the baby a secret. We've got a lot of enemies."

"I understand." You nodded. "But you should know, it's babies."

Three months pregnant

Steve and Bucky had been quite accommodating in the month you'd been forcibly moved into their home. 

The two had given Wanda a room next to yours, though she ended up staying in your bed most nights.

"Someone's got to watch over you."

They brought in their own doctor, who was on hand 24/7 and even found a prenatal expert they trusted.

And strangely enough, for two one-night stands, the two were very interested in you and the babies in your belly.

"And bon appetite!" Steve grinned, placing a plate in front of you. 

"You know you don't have to cook for us, right? There's a kitchen in my rooms." You reminded him as Bucky took a seat to your left.

"Bruce says you should stay off your feet. He says there's an increased risk of miscarrying with multiples." He said, pinching a piece of bacon off your plate. 

"Hey! Don't touch our bacon!" You gasped, moving your plate out of his reach.

"Buck, you have your own plate." Steve sighed, nodding to the one in front of the brunette. 

"Aw, but Stevie, stolen bacon always tastes better," Bucky whined, causing the blonde to shake his head.

"How you two run a mob, I have no idea." You shook your head. 

"That's easy," Bucky said, shoving bacon into his mouth. "No one gets to see this side of us."

"No one?" You raised a brow. "Not even Sam, who I saw here two days ago walking around in his underwear?" 

"To be fair, he was shot in the leg," Steve smirked. "Makes it harder to wear pants."

"What Steve meant to say is that very few get to see this side of us. Our family basically." Bucky told you.

"Well, I get to see this side of you. And I'm not family." You reminded the man.

"Sweetheart, you are carrying our children. You are more family than you think."

Five months pregnant

"Y/N, are you alright?" Steve asked as you stormed into the living room with Clint on your tail.

"Just fine, no thanks to your little bodyguard." You snapped, moving into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

"What did you do?" You overheard Bucky ask Clint.

"I did what you asked me. I took her into town like she wanted, and kept close."

"And ruined my date." You said, reentering the living room. "You just had to talk to the guy, didn't you?"

"Alright, Clint, why don't you head home for the day?" Steve suggested with a chuckle.

"Oh, go from one overly emotional pregnant woman to another? Thanks, boss." Clint shook his head before leaving the three of you alone.

"So, you were on a date?" Steve rose a brow.

"I don't have to ask your permission to date." You grumbled before chugging half your water bottle. "Besides, it wasn't a real date anyway. We were gonna have coffee and go into the bathroom." You admitted quietly as your cheeks burned red.

"You were looking for someone to sleep with?" Bucky questioned you, choking on his saliva.

"Don't you two judge me. I wasn't going to say anything about this." You gestured between the three of you.

"Why were you trying to get fucked in a coffee house bathroom?"

"Because your kids have made me so fucking horny at all times of the day." You snapped before sinking into a chair with a sigh. "It's a lovely side effect of pregnancy, isn't it?"

"You know, if you wanted a quick lay, you could have just asked."

"Excuse me?" You rose a brow.

"Well, it's not like we haven't done it before. Clearly." Bucky gestured to your protruding stomach. "And this way, you wouldn't be trying to squeeze in a stall with a stranger."

"Don't think we were gonna make it to a stall, but okay." You muttered. "I thought you two were together, and what we did was a result of way too many shots."

"I mean kinda."

"Bucky!" Steve scolded, reaching out and hitting the brunette in the chest.

"Don't hit me, Steve!" Bucky whined, moving away from the man. "That wasn't all I was going to say, geez."

"How you two run a mob." You muttered to yourself.

"Look, what we did wasn't exactly planned. I mean, we were all drunk, and I don't think either of us planned to get you pregnant,"

"I hope not."

"But it happened. And we're all in each other's lives now." Bucky continued. "And it's not as if Steve and I aren't attracted to you."

"This won't make things weird?" You asked, looking between the two.

"Not if we don't make it weird," Steve told you. "Besides, it's not like either of us is going anywhere any time soon."

"What do you say, kitten? You still horny?" Bucky asked with a smirk. 

"Have been for about three weeks." You said, struggling to your feet and moving towards your bedroom. "You coming?"

"Going to be." 

"Not as much as you will be."

Eight Months Pregnant

You had been sleeping with Bucky and Steve for three months now. And honestly, you didn't want it to stop. You weren't sure when it happened or how, but you'd fallen in love with the two.

Wanda hadn't exactly been thrilled when you'd admitted the secret.

"So not only are you carrying the two mobsters' babies, you're now in love with them?" Wanda had demanded. "Oh, honey, you're really in it now, aren't you?"

Of course, you hadn't admitted to either that your feelings had changed. Because if there hadn't, you'd have to spend the rest of your life around them feeling an intense awkwardness.

Well, right now, you wished you had said something.

"Shit," Peter swore, his head falling back against the wall.

"Stop moving, Pete." You rasped from across the room. "You've got at least two broken ribs."

There had been a problem at the bakery that only you could solve so after crawling out of Steve and Bucky's bed and showering the stench of sex off you, Clint had driven you to the bakery.

Peter had been with you while Clint had answered a call from Sam in the front room. That's all it had taken before the back room was gassed.

You had called for Clint, trying to warn him of the attack, as Peter had dragged you into the alley.

But someone had been waiting for you in the alley. You weren't sure who it was or how many had been there because someone had quickly hit you over the head.

And now the two of you were chained to opposites of a room straight out of a torture porn scenario.

"Broken ribs are gonna be the least of my problems when Steve and Bucky find us." Peter groaned, closing his eyes.

"They aren't going to touch you." You promised the younger man as you shifted uncomfortably. 

To anyone else, it looked as though you were uncomfortable due to the terrible conditions of your kidnapping. But what you were afraid to admit out loud was that your discomfort was because of the twins in your womb.

"They're going to kill me." Peter miserably said.

"Peter, this wasn't your fault." You firmly told him. "And if they try anything, I'll kick them both in the ass." You said, causing him to chuckle.

Before Peter could retort, or you could continue to reassure him of his safety, the door to your prison opened. 

And in walked a stunning woman.

"Karla." Peter sat as upright as he could as he glared at the smirking woman.

"Hello, Peter." The woman purred. "So sorry about the rough arrival. Science doesn't like to wait."

"Peter?" You spoke, struggling to sit up. "You want to introduce me to our friend?"

"This is Karla Sofen. She was supposed to be on our side." Peter said, continuing to glare at the woman.

"Steve and Bucky promised me many things, and in the end, they couldn't deliver." Karla tsked.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing like that, sweetie," Karla said, moving towards you. "I'm a scientist. They wanted my help with a few things."

"But we found out she was experimenting on people and their DNA." Peter snapped.

"They said I could continue my personal research." Karla shrugged.

"They didn't know it was fucking with people's genes!"

"My, my, language, Peter. What would your mother think?" Karla asked Peter with a smirk.

"So, you've kidnapped us because you're mad at Steve and Bucky?" You interjected before Karla could continue to taunt Peter.

"A little." Karla shrugged. "But I do get an added bonus by having you, sweet thing." She said, moving closer to you.

"And what would that be?"

"I have a little idea that if successful would truly allow twins, or any set of multiples, to be physically and mentally connected. The problem was, getting a set of multiples. That was until I found out about you." Karla said, kneeling down to your level.

"No." You gasped, unable to stop the tears from filling your eyes and trickling down your cheeks.

Stupid hormones.

"Oh, no, no, no. Don't cry, sweet thing." Karla cooed, reaching out to stroke your cheek. "I'm not going to hurt them. Not while they're safely nestled in your womb."

You tried to pull away from the woman, but you were already pressed against a wall.

"After all, you can't gauge the reactions of a test subject when you can't see them," Karla smirked, rising to her feet. "You'll be seeing me soon."

"Peter?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think they're looking for us yet?"

"I think they're burning the city down looking for you," Peter promised.

"I hope so." You murmured before wincing.

"Y/N?" Peter asked, sitting up straighter.

"I'm fine." You lied, moving to lie down on the cold floor.

"Don't lie to me, Y/N." Peter snapped. "What's wrong with the twins?"

"Nothing. Nothing. They're fine."

"Y/N." Peter started before you let out a gasp. "Y/N?"

"My water broke, Peter." You whispered.

"Oh shit."

"Look, Y/N, I really don't want to tell the pregnant woman what to do, but you have to try and stay quiet." Peter urged you.

"Fuck off, Parker!" You quietly snapped, biting into your fist to quiet your yells. "This kids not waiting, Pete. I think I'm gonna have to push." You cried.

"Then you're gonna have to push." Peter nodded.

"I didn't want it to go this way. I wanted Steve and Bucky to be here. I wanted the twins to be safe." You sobbed.

"Y/N, look at me." Peter pleaded. "Look, if I could come any closer, I'd be right there holding your hand, but I can't. And unfortunately, right now, this is the situation we're working with. I can't promise Steve or Bucky right now, but I promise you, nothing is going to happen to your babies."

You wanted to nod and smile at Peter's encouraging speech. You wanted to sit up and push these babies out in one go with no problems, but none of that was possible.

"Oh shit." You whimpered, hand shooting to your stomach. "I think I have to push."

Before Peter could respond, two things happened. 

One, you were already shimming out of the clothes on your lower half.

And two, the sound of gunshots echoed throughout the room.

"Oh, thank God." Peter breathed, averting his eyes from you. "That's them."

"They better hurry, or both of 'em will be sleeping on the couch." You grunted. 

The sound of gunfire easily covered your increasingly louder cries as the baby was getting closer to tearing its way into the world.

You could almost drown out the deafening sound as you tried to remember what your birthing coach had taught you. In fact, you almost entirely blocked out what was happening around you, until the sound of thundering footsteps got closer to your door.

You saw Peter sit upright at the noise, prepared to do what little he could in this situation when two matching gunshots rang out before something thumped to the ground.

The door slammed open, denting the wall it hit, as Bucky and Steve barreled inside.

"Oh thank God." Steve sighed, rushing to your side. 

"We didn't think we'd make it in time," Bucky said, picking the lock on your chains.

"Nope, right in time." You grunted. "Enough with the locks. Barnes, give me your hand. Steve, get down there and get ready to catch."

"What?" The two froze.

"She's in labour!" Peter exclaimed, causing the two mob bosses to rush into action.

"Oh, I swear, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!"

"Oh, I love them." You gushed, staring down at the bundles in your arms.

After delivering both twins, and them being declared healthy as can be, Steve, Bucky and what seemed like an army, delivered you all back to your home.

Wanda had been quick to squeeze the life out of you for scaring her before giving her goddaughters the same treatment. 

Wanda, and, Steve and Bucky's friends had all come and gone, leaving just the five of you together.

"How can anyone not?" Bucky whispered, running a gentle finger along one of the sleeping girl's cheeks.

"It's gonna be really hard to say no to either of them," Steve mentioned, watching the twins with the same sappy smile he'd been wearing for hours.

"You're gonna spoil them, aren't ya?" You smirked at the blonde.

"I plead the fifth." He said, causing you and Bucky to laugh quietly.

"You really scared us today, kitten," Bucky mentioned as the two of you sobered.

"We went a little crazy when we found out you were taken," Steve admitted.

"Peter thought you might burn down the city." You told the two.

"We were thinking about it," Bucky said, and you didn't think he was joking.

"I was scared too." You said, looking down at the babies. "Scared she'd take our babies and hurt them, scared she was gonna kill Peter and me, and honestly, I was scared I wouldn't get to see either of you ever again." 

You felt a finger hook under your chin and found yourself looking into Steve's eyes.

"You were scared you wouldn't see us again?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." You nodded, swallowing back the tears at the memories. "I should have said something sooner, but I was scared, but I'm not scared anymore. I love the two of you. I don't want to be co-parents with you, I want the three of us to be together and just be these kids' parents. 

I know it's dangerous, and I know I'm going to be worried about the two of you more often than not, but I think you're worth it. I think the three of us being together is worth it." You said, swallowing harshly once you had finished your impromptu speech.

"I can't believe you beat Steve to the speech." Bucky laughed. "Kitten, when we heard you were taken, we decided that once we got you back we were gonna ask you the same thing."

"Really?"

"Yes. And if you'll have us, we'd love to be in this with you 100%." Steve smiled. "As partners, lovers, the parents to the cutest girls ever born."

"Except for their mother." Bucky cut in.

"Except for their mother." Steve agreed. "What do you say?"

"How did I ever think this was supposed to be a one night thing?" You smiled at the two. "Yes. I want this. I want both of you. I want this family."

"And you'll have it."

"Along with anything else your heart could ever desire."

"It already has everything it could ever want."

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[sluttyten]

FINALLY ITS XJ'S DAY!! Can I request a quickie with xj during your family vacation with y/n having a slight breeding kink???? I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN HIM HOLDING THE BABY, MY OVARIES GONNA EXPLODE :///

From the first moment that you saw Xiaojun playing with your nieces and nephews, you just had this feeling in your belly. You watched all day as Xiaojun played around with the kids, picking some of them up to zoom them around in the air to their delight, chasing after them while they played with a ball out in the yard, and after a bit he even got in the pool to toss the kids into the water (at their request, and with the approval of their parents).

And as the day moves on, every member of your family is outside around the small pool area. Your brother-in-law is grilling with your dad. Your sister and your mom and your brother and his wife are trying to wrangle the older nieces and nephews together for a cute picture of them.

While that chaos happens, somehow Xiaojun ends up with the baby.

Seeing Xiaojun cradling the baby hits you harder than the sight of him playing with the older kids had. She's so small in his arms, and you just can't stop envisioning having your own baby, having Xiaojun hold yours with pride warm in his eyes knowing that the perfect baby he held was his own.

And when he lifts your baby niece up to coo at her, to quietly sing and make faces at her while she giggles and makes tiny baby babbly sounds, your heart nearly explodes.

The very moment that Xiaojun passes the baby off to your mother, you're reaching for his hand, pulling him out from the poolside structure while everyone's distracted with the grill and the pool and your sister-in-law showing a cute video of one of the kids.

"Where are we going?" Xiaojun asks, trying to keep up with you, but you're walking really quickly, heading for the house.

There's no one inside but the two of you, no one around when you drag him quickly to the room you're sharing this week on vacation.

Xiaojun's mid-laugh as you push him down onto the bed, but his laugh gets cut off when you start kissing him.

"What--mhm--What's gotten into you?" He mumbles against your lips.

"I want a baby," you reply, your hands already slipping down into the swimtrunks he's wearing. "Seeing you holding one, fuck, Dejun. You know how I am normally."

Yeah, he definitely knows that you've kind of got a breeding kink. You've begged him enough times during sex to just knock you up, fill you with his babies, to cum in you, and you've phrased it many different ways, but it's clear to him that you have this fantasy of getting pregnant by him.

Only right now it's more than just a fantasy. "I really want it now." You peck him on the lips, finally get your hand inside his shorts, and you wrap your hand around him, stroking his dick and hoping to feel him get hard for you quickly.

"And you think right now is the best time to try for one?" Xiaojun asks. "You're gonna jump me when your entire family is outside?"

"We're in our room. Door shut and," you glance back over your shoulder to check quickly before confirming, "Locked too. I'm tired of being the only one with no kids. I want a baby, and you were so good with her. You'd be such a good daddy, Dejun."

He hums in agreement He knows he'd be a good dad. That is something you've talked about before, mostly in reference to how he babies his dog, but you know deep down that he'll be a great father. Right now, you want to put yourselves one step closer to seeing him as a father.

Xiaojun fills out in your hand quickly as you keep kissing him, as you keep whispering against his lips how good he'll feel inside you, how nice it'll be if he knocks you up, when your tits swell up, and your belly gets big and round with the baby.

"My sister says sex while pregnant can absolutely be even better than normal," you moan, starting to grind down on his lap. "Fuck, I want this."

Distantly, you hear a door open in the house, someone call your name, then Xiaojun's. You hear the sound of footsteps, and you should probably stop, but Xiaojun's panting into your mouth, and you're so horny right now that you won't let anything stop you.

"Dinner's going to be ready soon!" Your sister calls, and she's still far enough away that you're not worried.

Xiaojun moans against your lips. "Guess we'd better hurry, then."

You pull his swimtrunks down even more, getting his cock out for you to see. Your own bikini bottoms are easily pulled aside, and Xiaojun grins happily when he slips his fingers against your pussy and your slick soaks his fingers instantly.

"The thought of us having a baby together really gets you this wet?" He asks, "How are you going to make it through the rest of this week? Are you going to jump me every time I hold the baby?"

Maybe.

"Shut up. Just fuck me before dinner's ready and they actually come looking for us." You clasp your hands against the back of his neck, dragging his mouth against yours.

You ride him on the bed, and Xiaojun cums inside you after a few minutes. You both put yourselves back together, trying to look like you'd been in the house alone for some other reason than squeezing in a quickie, and you're pretty sure you succeed in looking nonchalant as you stroll back out of the house.

It's true though that every time through out the week that you spot Xiaojun holding your baby niece, you just imagine having one with him, him putting a baby in you the good old-fashioned way. Usually, you do sneak off for a quickie in some quiet, hidden corner of the vacation home.

There's one morning before everyone's awake when Xiaojun comes up behind you in the kitchen, starts whispering to you about a dream he'd had the night before about fucking you doggy style while you were pregnant, your belly in his hands. In reality, he grinds against you until you pull aside the leg of the shorts you'd slept in, and he fucks you quick and messy right there against the kitchen countertop.

It's honestly a miracle that the two of you never get caught. That morning in the kitchen is the closest you come to getting caught because it's only about a minute after you've finished. You're sure you're still flushed and trying to catch your breath a bit, when your brother-in-law walks into the kitchen. He just heads straight for the coffee machine, doesn't look at or acknowledge you and Xiaojun until he's started a coffee for himself.

You don't think he realizes anything happened.

And there are numerous times throughout the week, as you hold your nice and she grips her tiny little hand so tightly around your finger, and you just get lost thinking about having a baby. You love babies and kids, the idea of getting to raise a child, it just seems like a miracle to you, especially considering all the little things that go into making one little child and then even more things that turn a child into a full grown, fully-fledged person.

Those moments when you hold her just fill you with such a deep longing to have a baby of your own.

It's not like your whole vacation is you sneaking off with your boyfriend for a quickie. You spend plenty of time with your family, too. You wake up early and stay up late with them, talking and laughing. You snuggle in the living room with all the kids for their requested movie night.

And on the final night, late after everyone's fallen asleep. All the kids are tucked into bed, your parents have been out since early in the night because of the day of travel they'll have the following day. You and Xiaojun are the last one's awake, sitting outside tending to the firepit still.

Your feet are lifted into his lap. The night is still warm, and the fire doesn't help anything, but the kids had wanted s'mores, and the heat it put out definitely warded off the slight chill coming in, the smoke kept a lot of the bugs away.

Xiaojun's eating the last burnt marshmallow one of your nieces had gifted to him earlier, and you just watch him eat what is basically a completely blackened piece of marshmallow.

"Do you like that?" You ask him, wrinkling your nose. He shakes his head as he swallows it, and you laugh. "Then why are you eating it?"

"Because your niece gave it to me, and you have to eat what kids give you, or at least pretend to, right? Isn't that a cardinal rule of being around kids?"

You smile, wrapping your arms around yourself. "You're going to be a good dad. But I promise you, if our future kids ever try to make me eat a nasty burnt marshmallow, I will be passing it off to you."

Xiaojun laughs, leaning across the open space between you, moving in to kiss you. "Deal. Now, I know we've had sex in pretty much every available spot in this vacation home, but do you want to have a quickie in the pool as well?"

The water is cold, but you don't really care. Xiaojun's hands are warm, his body hot against yours as he pins you to the side of the pool, his mouth biting and sucking at your throat, and it takes absolutely no effort to slip aside your bikini bottoms and get his cock inside you.

You're so loose for him after how much sex you've been having the past week.

"Ah, perfect," Xiaojun moans, and you reach back, lifting your arms up behind you to curl around his neck. "You're so perfect for me. Gonna make an even more perfect baby for us, aren't you?" Xiaojun fucks into you straight to the point.

There's no messing around. Neither of you try to draw it out, to take it slow. Xiaojun's been with you long enough that he knows exactly what you like and what you need to get off quickly, so that's exactly what he gives you.

The thrill of doing this in the pool, of being out in the open, squeezing in a quickie with your boyfriend for the tenth time this week, hoping this time he'll get you pregnant, it carries you quickly away.

Xiaojun touches your tits and also slips a hand down to your clit, each of his thrusts gliding right against your G spot. His lips touch your ear, and Xiaojun moans, telling you "You're gonna look so beautiful. I can't wait to see you like that, can't wait to feel the life inside of you growing."

He presses his cock in deep as he cums, biting down on your shoulder as he spills inside you, his fingers moving double time on your clit to bring you crashing over the edge as well.

Climbing out of the pool with him makes you feel dirty and silly, but also satisfied as you stretch back out in a loungechair together, your back against Xiaojun's chest as you lie between his legs.