#thinking about how afraid she was arator would want nothing to do with her because of her dealing with the void and him being a paladin

[warwaged-archive]

currently thinking about how alleria so many people close to her when most of her family died made her so terrified of losing more people she loved and how xe’ra exploited that by telling her she’d lose everyone she had left if she left the light ............

[twdeadfanfic]

Vows Pt.9

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Series Summary:

The last battle with Negan doesn’t go as it should, with Negan coming on top, and so reader, Daryl’s girlfriend, offers herself as a wife to Negan if he doesn’t kill Daryl or anyone else. Negan accepts, he won’t kill anyone but will take reader as a wife, and he’ll take Daryl and some of the others to the Sanctuary as prisoners, promising not to hurt anyone if reader is one of his wives and the communities work for him.

This has both flashbacks to reader and Daryl’s story since meeting to now, and the present with reader living at the Sanctuary as a wife, trying to keep Daryl and their people safe, and she and the other wives dealing with Negan, plotting… (This is not a Negan x reader fic!)

You had to wait several weeks until you could put in motion your plan to set your friends free from the Sanctuary. Not only had you to come up with something with as little risk of backfiring as possible, you also had to wait for the best, or rather only, moment in which it’d work.

At first, you’d wanted to do it yourself alone, not wanting to put any other wive at risk, and the less they knew about it, the safer they’d be, but Abby knew that you were up to something, and she hadn’t stopped until you’d agreed to let her help.

Since then, every other wive had ended up knowing about your idea too, noticing that you were planning something…now you thought that without their help, you probably hadn’t been able to put everything in motion.

Just a couple of weeks ago, Lila had come to your room at night, announcing that she knew what you were trying to do, that she’d heard you and Abby whispering about how to get a key to the cells, and that she knew how to get one, and was going to.

Apparently, Arat was on the rotation of saviors who watched over the cells. Lila’s idea was to slip off the wive’s room one night when Arat were on watch and go see her, tricking her to get the key without her noticing it.

You guessed that involved sleeping with Arat, and you didn’t want Lila to have to do that just to get you the key, put Lila kept assuring you that it was okay, that she didn’t mind it at all, and you didn’t have any other idea as to how to get the key, so you ended up agreeing.

You were now pacing nervously around the wive’s room, waiting for Lila. Tonight was the night in which she’d gone to try and play Arat. You were scared thinking Arat might discover what Lila was up to, or that Lila’d be caught up with Arat, or sneaking around the Sanctuary. Lila had told you that she’d be fine, that it was not the first neither the second time that she sneaked out of the wive’s room to go have fun with Arat, but you still couldn’t shake your worry. You didn’t want Lila, or anyone else, to get hurt while trying to help you.

Every other wive was now aware of what was going on too, but they didn’t seem as anxious as you. Apparently, they were used to Lila sneaking out to see Arat, and she’d always been fine, so they weren’t too worried about it…she’d never tried to steal a key to the cells from Arat, though, so you were scared thinking what Arat might do if she caught Lila, although she must know that all the other wives would team up against her and try to convince Negan that she was pestering Lila if she tried anything…but if she was caught losing the key to the cells, nothing good could come to her either, so you weren’t sure how Arat might react if she caught Lila…

“I still think we’re not taking full advantage of this…” Frankie commented, taking you out of your thoughts.

She’d been helping too, but she thought that you all could be doing more. Your idea was to free your friends, open the cells but bust the locks to make it look like someone had helped them from inside without a key, and have them running away from the Sanctuary, the other wives seemed to know a lot about the corridors and whatnot, and about the saviors taking watch, so they had helped you choose the best escape route.

Frankie, though, didn’t think it was the best plan. She thought that your people shouldn’t run away once free, but go to the armory and get weapons, you all would be joining them there, and then fight against the saviors too, probably other workers would join too.

You, on the other hand, thought that too dangerous, both to your friends, the wives, and the workers.

You didn’t know in which condition were your friends, but you knew it was not good, after weeks inside the cells with barely any food, you didn’t know if they’d be strong enough to fight so many saviors, not to mention in their territory…it’d be hard enough even if they were as strong as ever, not to mention that you all would have to get to the armory, which was guarded by saviors, while you barely had any weapons. And you knew that Daryl was still weak and recovering from the iron burn...you gave thanks every day that he hadn’t died of an infection.

Neither did you know how many of the unarmed workers really knew how to fight anyway, and could stand against the saviors, while most of the saviors were skilled, ruthless, and good armed. You knew that Frankie and Abby could work a gun and use the knife, but the other wives had no experience fighting, they had barely put down walkers, let alone kill human, alive people who was fighting back.

“I told you, I want to burn down this place too…” You assured Frankie. “But I don’t want us dying on the process…my people will help us from outside once they’re free.”

You had written a note to Rick to slip it into the cell with the key, explaining everything about how to get out, advising him to hide with the others but not go to any community controlled by Negan, though you didn’t think they’d be that stupid, and explaining that, if they’d try to overthrow the saviors from outside again, you had people who’d help from the inside…you didn’t know how you all could coordinate that attack, you had no way to communicate with them.

“Yes, because your plan from outside worked so good the last time…” Frankie sighed.

“Hey…we almost won…Eugine plan tampering with the bullets worked…they were just way more and with more weapons that we knew, and they tricked us using Dwight.” You shrugged defensively.

“Yeah, Eugine’s plan to send away the walkers that your people left surrounding the Sanctuary worked too…fucking Eugine,” Frankie cursed, and you had to agree, you had hated Eugine for that too, when you still thought he’d betrayed you all. “Didn’t want to help us poison Negan either.”

“I still think we can work that idea without Eugine, we should think about it…” Abby said, and you weren’t very sure of what they were talking about, but it sounded like something you wanted to be part of. “Also, who was the idiot who decided to crash a truck here to let walkers inside when we were surrounded? My sister was cleaning the savior’s rooms and the walkers almost got her if me and Laura hadn’t got to her first!”

You let out a sigh, rubbing your forehead. “I, uh…I’m afraid that was my idiot…he wasn’t thinking straight…”

“Daryl?” Abby scoffed. “Woman, once every fucking savior is dead and we’ve gutted Negan, I’m punching your boyfriend for that.”

“Fair enough,” you snorted…your friends safe, the saviors and Negan dead…could that be a reality?

The door opened and you all looked to see if it was Lila, though you knew it was way too early. It wasn’t her but Tanya, who came from the infirmary, setting in motion another part of the plan.

“Not pregnant,” she announced, her excuse for having gone to the infirmary was wanting to take a pregnancy test.

“No shit,” Abby snorted.

“I mean, I was already there so why not check for real, last thing I need is baby Negan,” Tanya shrugged before looking at you. “But I talked to your friend Siddiq, didn’t give him details, but told him that this night he must let himself be seen all the time, so people can vouch for him, and also next Wednesday night.” That was the date when Aran was on watch again, the one you all had picked for your friends to escape. “He wanted to ask things but I didn’t let him.”

“Good, good, thanks.” You nodded. The less Siddiq knew, the safer he’d be. You also wanted him to escape, but he wasn’t in a cell, being the doctor of the place, and you hadn’t been able to come up with any idea that wasn’t too risky.

“Now…let’s wait for Lila.”

*

It was late at night when Lila finally slipped back into the wives’ room. She was carrying with her a box of chocolates, and you guessed that’d be her excuse if someone asked her what she’d been doing outside.

“Are you okay? Did Arat notice something?” You asked anxiously.

“I’m fine, I told you I could do it, Arat doesn’t know anything, didn’t notice me getting the key, she was busy,” Lila chuckled, placing the box of chocolates on the table and taking one before flopping on the sofa.

“Okay, okay, good…” You nodded, but you still couldn’t help how nervous you were. “You think she’ll say that she’s lost her key?”

“And face Negan’s rage at it? Would you?” Lila snorted. “Nah, I’m sure she’d just try to find it and hide that she doesn’t have it for as long as she can…she’s not the first one to lose a key, Sherry stole one from Dwight, I’m sure, and there was this other savior too…the idiot admitted having lost it and he ended up in one of the cells himself. Nah, Aran’t won’t talk.”

“Alright…okay…okay, good….” Everything seemed to be working, but that wouldn’t make you worry less about this whole thing. “You got the key, then?”

“Got something better.” Lila smiled and you eyed her with worry.

“What did you do?”

“Well…I was going to be near the cells already, so I took that note you had written for your friend Rick, once there I told Arat to go make sure there was nobody around that could catch us, and while she was at it, I slipped both the note and the key under Rick’s cell door…at least I think it was Rick’s…”

“What?! That was dangerous! What if Arat caught you?! Or somebody else!” You had wanted to be the one delivering the key and the note with the instructions, you didn’t want anyone but you having to take that risk.

“She didn’t catch me, nobody saw me, it’s fine.” Lila shrugged, and you had to admit that maybe she was actually quite good at sneaking around, you hadn’t noticed her taking the note with instructions from where you had hidden it. “I know people look at me and think I can’t fight or do anything like this, but I can, see? Maybe I’d have been even a better savior than wife.” Lila smiled, but you still felt guilty.

“Lila, nobody thinks you can’t do it, but you didn’t have to, you didn’t have to put yourself at risk, you don’t have anything to prove,” you insisted.

“It’s fine! It’s not that different from sneaking out of my parent's house through the window of my room to see whoever I was dating that moment, I used to do that all the time when I was a teen.” Lila shrugged, chuckling, and she nudged you when you still looked worried. “Relax! Come on, you have to look like nothing is going on, there’s still a few days to wait until your friends try to go out, Negan can’t notice, yeah?”

“She’s right, we have to act like everything is fine and nothing is going on, alright…” Frankie nodded.

“Yeah…is not like we’re not used to acting here,” Abby snorted. “Good job, Lila, and you even brought us chocolate.” Abby sat down next to Lila, wrapping an arm around her before reaching to pick one of the chocolates.

“Hey, Lila,” you insisted. “You know what could happen to Arat if Negan finds that she lost the key, right? Or when my people break free on her shift…you okay with it?”

Lila shrugged, but her smile was gone. “Yeah…I mean…I have fun with her, and she’s hot, but I do know that she murdered a bunch of kids in Oceanside, and other things I don’t know about…so…yeah…she’s no innocent…”

“Yeah…”

“Come on, everyone...we have to act like everything is fine…”

*

The days leading to the evening when your friends were supposed to escape felt eternal, and every hour you spent with Negan, you were afraid you were acting suspicious, but finally, the day came.

Every other wive knew what to do, stay at the room, let herself be seen there, and you hoped that Siddiq was doing that too, getting himself be seeing by saviors and workers.

The other wives had decided that you should be entertaining Negan that evening, since you’d be the main suspect of your friends breaking out, and so you’d lured him into the bedroom as soon as you could, trying to channel your best black widow seductress performance despite your nerves, and intending on keeping him there for as long as possible.

You’d timed the plan as best as possible, but there were variables that you couldn’t predict…how long would it take Rick and the others to be able to leave, would they run into trouble, would they be caught and have to fight their way out…if so, Negan would be the first to know, and so when there was an urgent knocking on the door, your heart leaped to your throat.

The door opened before Negan could say anything, and Abby peeked inside.

“What the fuck, doll, couldn’t wait to join or-” Negan began but stopped when he saw Abby’s urgent expression. “What?!”

“Something happened, Rian is looking for you, it seems urgent, you need to come right now!” Abby seemed genuinely worried, and it was scaring you, but you knew it might be just an act, you didn’t know what to think…

Negan cursed and began dressing up quickly, and while he had his back to Abby, she winked at you, helping you ease your worries a bit. Negan stormed off his room, rushing down the corridor and out the wives’ room, leaving you all there.

“So?” You asked anxiously once you were sure Negan had walked away.

“They did it…I mean, at least they escaped the cells, I know that but couldn’t get anything else, I don’t know if they’re out the Sanctuary or not…”

“Okay….okay…” You tried to breathe, sitting down on one of the sofas, and Noemi sat down next to you, reaching out to hold your hand.

“All we can do now is wait…and we have to keep pretending that we don’t know what’s going on, just in case…”

*

You didn’t know how long you spent there, waiting, probably less than it felt, but it felt eternal nonetheless, until finally the door opened and a savior that you’d seen around often walked in.

“Y/N? Negan wants to see you.”

“In the bedroom?” You asked, trying to sound nonchalant, and the savior scoffed.

“No. Follow me.”

You did so, the other wives giving you encouraging looks before you closed the door behind you.

The savior led you through the Sanctuary, stopping in front of a room, and nodded at you to walk in. As you’d been walking, you’d tried to remind yourself that you’d trained how you should act, whatever was the news, that you could do it, you’d been acting and performing for months, after all…

You tried not to forget it all as you walked into what seemed Negan’s office or place of meeting. There was a table in the middle of the room, chairs around it, and Negan was sat down at the head of the table with his bat lying against the side of the chair.

“What’s going on?” You asked when he didn’t say anything, and Negan kept looking at you in silence before he spoke.

“Your friends are gone.”

“Gone?” You glanced at his bat and swallowed hard, both pretending to be anxious and nervous for real. “What do you mean…gone?”

“I mean, gone!” Negan snapped. “Gone as in they left without saying fucking goodbye!”

You blinked at Negan before scoffing. “You’re trying to make fun of me…quit it, it’s not funny, Negan.”

“Do I look like I’m laughing, doll?” Negan asked, his voice sounding dangerous.

You frowned at him before sitting on a chair, facing him. “So…you’re telling me that my friends left their locked cells, walked around a place full of your saviors, and left said place, while more of your saviors kept watch on the lookouts.” You said and Negan just looked at you in silence, seeming to study you, so you tried to hide your nervousness. “Is this…is this some kind of trick?”

“You tell me, doll, is this some kind of trick?” Negan kept eyeing you in that dangerous way. “Won’t you happen to know how your friends managed to do everything you just said, get out the cells, knock out Arat who was on watch, kill my lookouts, ran away? I was thinking, dear wife, that maybe you have a say on this?”

You scoffed at that.  “Yes, I sent my double to fuck you while I went to get a key to the cells, set my friends free, help them escape, but I decided to stay here instead of leaving with them,  because my new husband is too charming for me to want to leave this place and go back to my friends and family, how could abandon you if I’m given the chance, the man who burned my ex-boyfriend with an iron and threatened to throw me to one of the cells if he misbehaved.”

You weren’t too sure of how Negan was going to react to your words, if it might work as you expected it or backfire, but to your relief, he snorted.

“Charming as always, darling, even when you should bite that pretty tongue…” Negan told you, but he didn’t sound that threatening anymore, you could read him better now than when you first married him. “Don’t you think this might not be the best moment for you to say what you truly think of me…and here I was, thinking that you were fond of me now,” he joked.

“Well…” You shrugged. “This life is not that bad as I thought, I can give you that…would you rather I lied?”

“No, darling, I want you to say the fucking truth…” Negan was back at studying you. “You know nothing of this then?”

You sighed, rolling your eyes. “Truth is it? I have no idea, otherwise, if I had known that they were going to escape, I’d have tried to go with them in a second…and you know it.”

“Yeah…won’t you want to be far from your rabid bitch Daryl, uh?” Negan asked darkly, and you just shrugged. “Who did this, then?”

“How do you want me to know?” You shrugged, rolling your eyes, trying to look exasperated. “Who has the keys?”

“They didn’t use the keys, the locks were busted from outside,” Negan explained. “Who do you think would want to get your friends free? Besides you.”

“No one?” You scoffed. “Workers have no reason to risk it, your saviors hate us, so…well, there’s…no, nothing…”

“What is it, doll.” Negan squinted at you. “I told you I want the truth…for your own good, darling.”

You looked at him and then let out a sigh, falling against the back of your seat, pretending to give up. “Siddiq…you didn’t have him in a cell…maybe…I don’t know if there’s a way for him to reach the cells without being seen…” You really,  really hoped that Siddiq had followed your instructions and let himself be seen by saviors the whole time, so you weren’t throwing him under the bus.

“Good thinking.” Negan nodded. “Same than me, I’ve been having a lovely conversation with our dear doctor right before they brought you in…It wasn’t Siddiq, he was at the infirmary with a couple of my guys, inventorying whatever the fuck they have there,” Negan explained, to your relief. “Didn’t seem to know what had happened either, and I was very thorough in my questioning.”

You hoped that it didn’t mean he’d hurt Siddiq, but you didn’t ask anything of that, instead blinking at Negan. “So…so you mean Siddiq is still here too, then? He didn’t leave with the others?” You frowned before scoffing quietly. “So they left him behind too…” You muttered.

“What was that?” Negan asked, and you shook your head. “Oh…oh, you think your friends left you behind…” Negan chuckled and when you glanced at him, he was looking at you with a smirk, but you just shrugged.

“I think…I think that somehow they found themselves free, and they managed to leave this place, without bothering on checking if they could take me, the person who agreed to marry you and shag you to keep them safe and alive, with them when they escaped, because yes, why would they do that,” you blurted out, pretending that you hadn’t rehearsed it, and Negan chuckled at it.

“Oh, darling…” Negan’s dark smirk grew. “I’d say you’re sounding kind of bitter…I thought you’d be jumping in joy…and I thought your dog would never leave this place without you…”

“Yeah, you and me both…” You muttered bitterly…you were relieved Daryl had left, though, you were afraid he wouldn’t leave without you, and you had told Rick on your note to do anything that he needed in order to take Daryl with him.

“Well, well…maybe I’m starting to seem more charming to you now?” Negan teased you and you glared at him. “Here you are, admitting that you’d leave me at the first chance…while I wouldn't have left you behind like your friends did, you know…”

“Yeah, I’m sure if there’s a fire at the Sanctuary, you’d carry all your brides to safety before saving your own skin,” you scoffed and Negan just chuckled.

“I would.”

“Yeah,” you scoffed again. “If you didn’t want me to admit that I’d leave this place at the first chance, you shouldn’t have made me say the truth.” You shrugged. “So if you’re going to punish me for it, just go ahead already.”

“I’m not going to do anything to you, doll, I’ll let it pass…It’s not like I didn’t know it already.” Negan chuckled darkly. “And I’m not going to punish you for being honest and saying the truth when I ask you to.”

You didn’t say anything to that, just shook your head bitterly.

“Jumping in joy…” You repeated Negan’s words. “You think I’d be jumping in you if they escaped? They were idiots…” You sniffed, swallowing hard, trying somehow to summon tears to your eyes. “I took this deal to keep them safe! I’ve kept them safe, didn’t I?!” You ranted. “But no, they didn’t seem to trust me to keep them safe, they had to run away…and now, now when you find them, you’re going to kill them, no matter our deal, right?”

Negan nodded. “You know I have to do it, doll, can’t have people thinking that they can try to run away without consequences.”

You sighed, letting yourself fall against the back of the seat again, before looking at Negan. “All of them? Can you just…spare all but one or something, kept the others locked again or…I don’t know…” You said, trying to sound desperate.

“What, you wanna be the one picking who I kill?” Negan chuckled darkly and you glared at him with tears in your eyes. “Haven’t decided, doll…Rick and Daryl…you know I’ll kill them, darling, you know I have to,” Negan said and you nodded, closing your eyes tight as you swallowed hard. “Rosita and Eugine…those two are useful…might kill them anyway, but…” Negan shrugged. “Dwight, second time that rat crosses me…”

“Wait…Dwight?” You interrupted Negan. “You’re telling me…you’re telling me that they took Dwight with them, but couldn’t spare a second to try and get to Siddiq or me?” Negan didn’t say anything, but his smirk grew and you glared at him. “Don’t you dare to smile at that or…”

“Or what, darling?” He asked, but he sounded more teasing than threatening.

“Or nothing…” You let out a defeated sigh. “Got nothing I can do…but…” You chuckled darkly before looking at Negan. “You got nothing on me anymore, either. The people I was protecting with our deal are gone…you got nothing on me…you said I wasn’t here against my will…”

“What is this, doll, you saying you're dumping me?” Negan squinted at you.

“Well…maybe you know any other place where I can get a bed as comfortable and a supply of chocolate? If you don’t, then I guess I’ll have to stay married to you.” You blinked at Negan and he smirked.

“I’m afraid I don’t, darling…and I’m sure your bedroom is way more comfortable than the cell where I’ll have to keep your pretty ass if you don’t want to be married to me anymore.”

“Then I guess I’m still your wife…worse things in the world, I guess, than a comfortable bed and a supply of sweets…” You joked.“So…yeah, yeah, I’m still married to you even if there’s no deal anymore, even if I’m not protecting my family anymore.” You knew you served your people better as a wife on the inside, than locked and unable to do anything.

“Your family…” Negan chuckled. “The way I see it, doll, your family just abandoned you without looking back.”

“Don’t say that,” you pretended to snap, glaring at him.

“What, you said it yourself, love,” Negan smirked at you. “They didn’t even try to help you out, not even your dog, after all you did for them…they got their chance, they seized it, I don’t judge.” Negan shrugged. “But…I told you, I wouldn't have left you behind like that…so, darling, maybe you want to start reconsidering where your loyalty lies from now on…”

*

If you enjoyed this, comments and reblogs are always more than welcome, thanks.

Also, as always, excuse my English, it’s not my first language.

New taglist for Daryl,I trimmed it, if you want to be tagged let me know and also, please, if you are not interested in being tagged anymore let me know too

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[antoxsmith]

Toxic (Part 2)

Part 1  /   NEGAN MASTERLIST

Warnings - Drama, Heartbreak

Pairings - Negan x Reader

Summary -   Negan is as possessive as could be and she thought she was ready to let him go. She was wrong.

A month later, shit happened. The whole thing with Rick’s group initiated and they suspected The Hilltop was compromised. So, he went down to see Gregory himself instead of just sening Simon as always; not even remembering that she was there. He had supposedly forgotten about her existence in a matter of days and as he said, he filled her spot with some other woman.

He was right there in the middle of the field, giving his speech about how he was in charge, making everyone feel uncomfortable with themselves; when he met her eyes. After a second he looked away, ignoring the revolting feeling in his stomach and the race in his chest.

It was when he signaled for Arat to kill someone and gave an example of what happens when you disobey him, that he turned to look at her again. She looked different. Better.

Happier, maybe.

And there he felt it: jealousness. Because he knew that he couldn’t control the fuckers that probably drooled for her every day, not anymore. He couldn’t do anything. He had less control than he used to and it felt… bad.

He was walking back to his RV when he told Simon what to do. Then, he waited. And waited. A little bit more than expected but sooner or later, there she appeared, angry-looking but still, the redness of her cheeks not leaving. He always loved that. Made her look cuter.

“She was resisting. Sorry for the delay.” Simon said as he pushed her inside and shut the door behind him as he left. She brushed off Simon's touch and looked at him dead in the eye.

Negan looked at her with some disdain. He was standing, leaning against the wall of the RV, a glass of whiskey on his hand and Lucille in the other one.

“I told you to get away from me” she started; her voice bulky as it had never been towards him before. Her chin was up, proud and no longer letting him get into her. Or at least, that was the façade. 

“Like I care” he answered fast, as if he was already thinking it, studying her face. He took a long sip of his drink, still looking at her and left the glass on the table. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms on her chest.

“I don’t have time for this. What do you want?” she snapped in a serious tone. He actually didn’t know what he wanted, not entirely. He just wanted to see her, to have her close for a little while.

“Come back to The Sanctuary” he said as if it was an order but sounded much more like a request. His eyes screwed into her pupils as if he wanted to get inside her head.

She hid a laugh. “No. Not again.” She simply answered, moving her head no.

He leaned his head to the side and clenched his jaw, leaving Lucille carefully on the table, next to his glass of whiskey. He walked to her, slowly and demanding, quickly invading her personal space as always and getting all in her face. He thought she would look down as she always used to, but she didn’t. She held up her gaze strongly.

“Got a boyfriend, doll?”

She rolled her eyes. ���Back again with his bullshit’ she said to herself.

“No, Negan. No boyfriend, no friends, nothing. I am completely alone as you wanted. Can I go now?” she stood up to him. She was not afraid anymore, or at least, she didn’t show it. “If you wanted me to stay… you should’ve said it a month ago. Not now.”

Negan bit his lip, looking at her as if she was some piece of meat. “I like it. I knew you had this in you.” He said now coming even closer. He looked down at her lips and chuckled softly, tongue playing with his front teeth seductively.

She wouldn't fall into his little game, not again. Not after all the pain she felt when he just tossed her as if she meant nothing. She furrowed her eyebrows. “See? That’s why I wouldn’t go back.” She simply said, taking a step back, away from him. “You see me as an object and, unlike the others, I don’t like it anymore.”

She felt weird. Her legs felt weak and her heart was beating fast, but she couldn’t show it. If he broke her heart again it would be it. She was sure it would kill her.

His gaze changed. Deep inside, he knew she was right. But no way he would accept that. “You knew what you were,” he said with his jaw tight in angriness from seeing her not fall for it.

“Yeah." She gulped, this was affecting her. "Whatever” she tried to go out but Negan grabbed her forearm, bringing a déjà vu to them both. His hold immediately softened, and brought her close to him.

“Even I  knew what you were but I didn’t pay attention to it. That’s why I did all of that crap” he confessed. She looked up to his eyes but no part of her could believe him anymore.

“That’s good. Now…” she moved her arm away from him. “I am going back to where you sent me” she reminded him, turning her back on him again.

“You are more than enough.” He tried again, but now his voice sounded different. Concerned. Regretful, even. She stopped for a second, breathed, and tried her best to remain as cold as she had until now while staring at the door, frozen. She didn’t know what to say, but didn’t have to. She felt Negan’s warm touch on her waist and gasped a little. “Come home. Alright?” He almost whispered into her ear.

She closed her eyes, hearing and feeling in the air the heat emanating off his body and how he came closer to her, his chest pressed on her back after a few seconds. She could hear her own breathing, and his, slow and heavy as if he was trying to remain calm too.

“I… I can’t.” she said lowly, opening her eyes as his other hand closed around her forearm. For a brief moment, she thought about it. Her heart ached and squirmed to the thought of holding him again, running her fingers over his hair as he told her about his day. She missed him so much. He pulled on her forearm slightly, making her turn over, but she didn’t look at him. She looked down in sadness and tried to stop the tears from coming out. Her walls had come down with little to no effort from him and she hate herself for it.

“C’mon, honey.” His hand left her forearm and went up to her chin with softness in every touch. She looked at him, eyes watering and a trace of hurt he didn’t understand but sure as hell make him feel like he was walking shit. “You know you’ve always been my favorite.” He leaned his face to the side, hands not leaving her waist or her chin.

Her lips moved into a grimace of disgust. “I just want to be the only one.” She whispered, holding her eyes on his even as much as she wanted to look down in embarrassment. “For all I k-know,” she was trying really hard not to look too feeble. “You didn’t even remember my existence till you saw me today.”

Negan’s jaw clenched again as he was trying to say what he felt, but nothing came out for far much more time than he wanted. He couldn’t do it. He knew he missed her and looking at her brought him more refreshment into his life than he could hope for, but hell. Leaving all the others for her?

Nope.

Not happening.

She saw how sentences seemed to try to form in his head and just sighed. 

  “See? I don’t matter enough.” She spat out, making him swallow in… fear? “So no, I am not enough.” Her voice broke in the middle of the sentence and tears started to flow making her feel humiliated. She put her hands on the one he had on her waist, trying to take it off her body with disgust and pain. “Please, Negan just leave me alo-“

 “I’m not!” He raised his voice cutting hers off, making her feel little again. Somehow, that made her loose the little bit of control she had over herself. She put her hands on her face quickly, knowing what was coming, and started crying completely torn. His gaze changed and his jaw relaxed. “No, my love, please…” he whispered as if it was hurting him more than her, and pulled her into his chest as his arms went over her body, fingers caressing her back.

She heard the nickname but paid no attention to it, instead, sinking into his leather jacket as she hugged him tightly by his torso. She missed his burning scent around her.

He sighed; eyes set on the RV’s door as he tried to pour the words out of his system. He felt as if he was protecting her from the world right there between his arms, but couldn’t possibly protect her from himself.

How was that possible? 

Caring so much and not being able to act like it. A fucking nightmare.

“I just can’t u-understand…” she cried; eyes closed. “Why did you come back? Why? I was alright” she cried more but still didn’t leave her spot right between his arms. “I was alright just like when I was a lieutenant and y-you… you fucked me over, Negan” she continued crying. With every sentence, he felt even worse and something started boiling inside of his stomach. “You knew how bad I felt a-and still didn’t do anything for months” her grip tightened. She wanted to punch him so bad, but instead, her hands clenched into his leather jacket.

He continued on caressing her back, feeling as if he was losing her. “You have to understand that even if I wouldn’t leave them…” he murmured. “…That doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

Her crying slowly calmed down, but didn’t separate. Felt like it was the only place where she could be safe, and oh God, how could he lie with something so serious?

“Please don’t humiliate me more than I already am” she murmured; voice muffled by his jacket. “The last thing I need is you lying to me again.”

Negan bit his lip. He felt as if he was going to explode at any moment.

He separated her from him and held her shoulders softly, searching for her eyes.

“I have to tell y-“

“Please, don’t do this to me” she begged, her puffy eyes telling him she was on the edge.

“Just listen.” He pulled her down into the sofa behind them, making her sit. Once she did, he squatted right in front of her and held her trembling hand. She looked at him with fear, as if he was about to kill her. And actually, he had the power to. “I’ve had you on my mind all these weeks.” He started talking, caressing her hand and hoping to help her calm down. “I lied. There’s no one in your room, in your ‘spot’. I couldn’t do that.” He confessed. “I’m not proud of it, baby. And I certainly am not fucking happy about it. You messed with me too.” He nodded; his voice raspy. “I guess… knowing how unhappy you were by my side, I just felt like anyone could steal you away from me and make you happy. Hell, if they made you smile for more than an hour I would’ve been forgotten.” He explained.

“I would’ve never- “

“Wait. There’s more.”

He sighed, giving her a sad side smile as he did.

“I miss the shit out of you just… close to me. I miss being able to go into your room at night, and I miss that cute little redness in that face of yours.” He smiled wide, making his dimples show as he touched the tip of her nose with the tip of her index finger, making her chuckle with sparkling eyes. “I missed that chuckle you have, and that spark in your eyes when you look at me. I'll tell you this, doll. No one else looks at me like that. No. One.” He stated.

“You know I miss you too.” She said the obvious and rolled her swollen eyes playfully at the look of pleasure on his face. He entwined his fingers with hers, making her smile softly.

“Oh, yes. I do know that.” He chuckled. “But anyway, little one…” He continued. “I know I can’t give you what you truly want, but….”

“I could manage the other wives... I think. I am not sure, but...” She murmured, making him raise one eyebrow. “I just can’t manage your jealousness. And all of that painting me as some… bitch, that will fuck anything that moves.”

He sighed and moved his head from left to right. “You’ve always been so loyal to me. Even as a lieutenant, you couldn’t stop marveling me. Always so… on top of it all.” He laughed a bit. “Always coming to me when anything happened.” He smiled. “I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, baby.”

And he knew it now more than before. He had kept an eye on her. And he knew as a fact that some men had tried, but she never accepted anything. She demonstrated her loyalty. He smiled softly and stood up, then sitting next to her without leaving their entwined fingers. She sighed and looked at him with a little smile, and he took it as permission to come closer to her, that look of sexual appetite turning on by the second.

“Then, will you stop?” She whispered, eyes going down to his lips for a second.

He looked down at her lips too, and slowly closed the space between the two, his free hand coming up to her neck, holding her with softness as he kissed her sweetly, his beard grazing her skin. She stayed frozen for a brief moment, but then corresponded, her lips trembling. She was falling again. She knew how wrong it was but now… it felt so good to finally have his warm lips against hers again.

After a few seconds, he separated just a few centimeters.

“So, you’re coming home with daddy?”

Part 3 Coming Soon!

[lifeofresulullah]

The Life of The Prophet Muhammad(pbuh): First Migration, the Year of Sorrow, the Splitting of the Moon

Hazrat Umar- the Fortieth Muslim

(6th Year of the Prophethood, month of Dhulhijjah / 616)

The joining of Hazrat Hamzah, an incomparable hero, to the ranks of Muslims and the immigration of a group of Muslims to Abyssinia caused the polytheists of Quraysh to become lost in deep thought. A great worry and fear started to consume their lives.

They all had the same decision set in their minds: to solve the matter regarding Abu Talib’s orphan, Muhammad, once and for all.

The Quraysh organized their talks on this matter at Daru’n Nadwa. After their fiery and intense discussions, Abu Jahl’s proposal was accepted: “to annihilate Muhammad’s body.”

Who could dare to attempt such a fearsome murder? A possible vendetta administered by the Sons of Hashim was also a point of matter to be considered.

Some were even making bold promises. For example, Abu Jahl promised, “Whoever kills Muhammad will receive 100 red and black camels, this much gold, this much silver, etc from me.”

Nobody could find the courage to commit this appalling deed. However, there was someone from among them who did; he was tall, had an imposing build, and never bowed before anyone, He came forward and said, “I will do it.”

At one moment, all eyes turned towards this fearless man, who had come forth. They saw that he was Umar, the Son of Hattab. The Qurayshis were confident that Umar was more than capable; thus, they all said, “Yes, only you can do this. Let us see what you can do!” in unison.

Umar was fixed in his decision: he was going to go straight to Darul Arqam, find our Holy Prophet (PBUH), and execute his decision.

After Umar looked around in a furious manner with his eyes that had become bloodshot red, he went directly towards the Kaaba and circumambulated it. Afterwards, he walked towards Darul Arqam with deep feelings of animosity and aggression.

It was very obvious that he was on a mission to fulfill some goal. On his way, he encountered Hazrat Nuaym bin Abdullah, a relative who had become Muslim but concealed his faith. Hazrati Nuaym could not help asking questions when he noticed the apparent change seen in Hazrat Umar’s attitude: “Where are you going, O Umar?”

Hazrat Umar replied without showing any need to conceal his purpose, “I’m going to eliminate Muhammad, the one who has instilled disunity among the Quraysh!”

Hazrat Nuaym went cold all over upon hearing this dreadful decision and looked for ways to dissuade him from this idea. “By God, you are embarking on a very difficult affair. Muhammad’s companions never leave his side for the slightest moment. It is very difficult to find a way. Let us say that you were able to find a way and killed him. Do you think that the Sons of Abd al-Manaf would allow you to roam freely on the face of the Earth?”

Umar looked at his addressee sternly and asked “Or are you on his side as well?”

However, he received an unexpected answer: “O Umar, forget about me; return to your family and community. Your brother-in-law and uncle’s son, Said bin Zayd and his wife, your sister, Fatima, have submitted to Muhammad’s religion. Go and deal with them first!”

Hazrat Umar was bewildered and worried. He did not want to believe what he had heard. In fact, it looked as if he did not even find the need to investigate. However, he could not overcome the doubts that filled him; he changed his mind halfway down the road and went straight towards his sister’s home.

In the meantime, the altruistic Companion, Habbab bin Arat, was reciting the chapter Taha, which had just been revealed, to Hazrat Said and Hazrat Fatima.

Hazrart Umar heard this sounds when he neared his sister’s home. He furiously knocked on the door once or twice. When no one opened the door, he pushed against the door with his shoulder and rushed into the house with rage.

Hazrat Fatima had understood that the one furiously knocking on her door was her brother Umar; thus, she put away the pages of the Quran while Hazrat Habbab hid in a corner.

Hazrat Umar asked in a tone filled with much displeasure, “What was it that you were reading?”

When his brother-in-law replied with nervousness and worry, “It was nothing, we were just talking among ourselves”, Hazrat Umar’s anger and rage increased thoroughly. He held his brother-in-law, who innocently stood there, by his neck and said, “So that means what I have heard is true; you also converted to Muhammad’s religion, didn’t you?” as he hurled him to the ground. Hazrat Fatima attempted to save her husband. She also found herself on the ground after receiving a harsh punch. Hazrat Fatima understood that there was no point in concealing her faith any longer. She rose to her foot and shouted, “Do whatever you can, Umar! My husband and I are now Muslims. We have testified to Allah and His Messenger (PBUH).” She followed by reciting the Kalima  ash-Shahada, the affirmation of faith, and the room instantly rang with the magnificence of this oath.

It was an exemplary and heartbreaking sight. How could someone cruelly hit his sister and leave her drenched in blood for saying, “My Lord is Allah”? What hardened heart would not soften and what conscience would not come to reason in the sight of a person who continues shouting her cause despite being in a welter of blood?

Umar was suddenly taken aback. He felt as if his heart was fluctuating. He could not stand on his feet any longer; thus, he sat down. After thinking deeply for some time, he said, “Bring me what you were reading so that I can see what Muhammad says.”

At first, Hazrat Fatima was hesitant. She was afraid that her brother would attempt to defame the pages of the Holy Quran. However, Umar ceased her worries by saying, “Do not be afraid.”

Yet, she could only give the pages of the Quran to those who were purified and because Umar was still an adherent of polytheism, he was not considered to be spiritually clean.

Therefore, Hazrat Fatima said, “My Brother, you are not considered to be clean because you are an adherent of a faith that associates partners to Allah. Only those who are clean can touch it. Rise and wash yourself.”

Hazrat Umar rose and bathed himself by performing a full ablution (ghsul) over his body. Upon this, Hazrat Fatima took the pages of the Quran with the utmost respect and handed them to him.

Hazrat Umar was a scribe; therefore, he knew how to read and write (not many people during his time had these skills.) He began reading the page he held in his hands from the beginning to its end:

“Ta Ha. We have not sent down the Qur'ân unto you (O Muhammad SAW) to cause you distress, But only as a Reminder to those who fear (Allâh). A revelation from Him Who created the earth and the heavens on high.” 

Hazrat Umar both read and reflected upon these verses. He was baffled in the face of the timeless and literary eloquence of the Holy Quran. It was as if he was not the same Umar, who had firmly grasped the handle of his sword, intending to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH). The insensitivity in his heart and the anger seen on his face had both disappeared. His eyes that had been bloodshot were now gleaming with light. His inner being was smiling along with his face. When he read the verse, ” "Verily I am Allah: there is no god but I: so serve thou Me, (only) and establish regular prayer for celebrating My praise” of the chapter, he shouted: “This is such a beautiful, honorable, and sublime remark! No remark can be sweeter and more beautiful than this!”

This expression was proof that his heart had attained both guidance and luminance.

Hazrat Habbab, who had heard Hazrat Umar’s words, came out from his hiding spot and said, “Glad tidings, O Umar. I hope the prayer that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) made on your behalf will come true. Last night he prayed, “My Lord, strengthen Islam through either Abu’l-Hakam bin Hisham (Abu Jahl) or Umar bin Hattab.”

Umar bin Hattab and Abu’l-Hakem Amr bin Hisham (Abu Jahl): One of them (Abu Jahl) had proposed for the Master of the Universe (PBUH) to be murdered since that would have been the only way through which the Islamic cause could be hindered, whereas the other, Hazrat Umar, had accepted this proposal and rose to carry out this decision.

The negative perceptions that Hazrat Umar had previously held about Islam and our Holy Prophet (PBUH) had now completely shifted. He wanted to go to our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) presence and feel the warm embrace of his light as soon as possible. He asked, “Where is Allah’s Apostle?”

When he learned that our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was at Darul-Arqam, the outskirts of Mount Safa, he immediately set off on his way with Hazrat Habbab.

A watchman informed our Holy Prophet (PBUH) that Hazrat Umar had come with a sword on his waist. An air of worry and nervousness beset upon everyone with the exception of Hazrat Hamza. This great Islamic hero grasped his sword and said, “Let him come. What is there to be scared of? If he has come with good intentions, then we will welcome him with benevolence. If he has come with bad intentions, then we will dispose of him with his own sword.”

Smiles appeared on the Master of the Universe’s (PBUH) face as he watched the scene before him. He had received news that Umar’s heart had been embraced by the light of guidance. Without getting worried or nervous at all, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, “There is nothing to be worried about, let him come. If Allah desires beneficence for him, then He will deliver him in the right direction.”

The door opened upon this command. Umar, who was waiting in front of that door, entered with his imposing appearance and weapon. There was not a trace of anger that could be seen on his face; instead, his face radiated with a glisten of love. His eyes were searching for the light of both truth and reality. At one moment, he came eye-to-eye with our Holy Prophet (PBUH). It was as if he was going to pass out in the face of our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) grandeur. He forgot about everything. Our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) light-filled glances had deeply grasped Hazrat Umar under their influence.

After they looked at one another for some time, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) disrupted Hazrat Umar’s air of nervousness, silence, and worry by asking, “Why did you come, O Hattab’s Son, Umar?” Afterwards, he extended his hand and held his sword by its handle and prayed, “O My Lord, this is Hattab’s Son, Umar. My Lord, strengthen the religion of Islam with Umar, Son of Hattab (Umar bin Hattab).

Hazrat Umar’s soul had given rein to the Sun of Guidance. He answered our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) question by saying, “I have come to testify to Allah and His Apostle and what he has brought.” Afterwards, he recited the Kalima  ash-Shahada, the oath of faith, and became a Muslim. 

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and his companions were immensely happy. In unison, they all recited the Takbir loudly: Allahu Akbar… Allahu Akbar! (Allah is Great, Allah is Great!)

These sounds of Takbir that were heard on the streets of Mecca rang in the horizon and from there, rose to the skies as waves filled with light.

Hazrat Umar had become a Muslim, in fact, he became the 40th Muslim. From thereon, his bravery, courage, and strength were no longer in the way of disbelief. He was going to exercise these qualities for the sake of Islam. Umar, who had run forth to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH) upon the decision of the polytheists, was now like a fan circulating around him. Now that Hazrat Umar had a perpetual power, which resulted from having faith, added to his valor, he would challenge and intimidate the polytheists from thereon. By receiving light and illumination through our Holy Prophet (PBUH), he would be known by the title, “Umar, the Just” in the world history.

Entering Masjid-al-Haram in Ranks

Hazrat Umar, whose real source of courage resided in his faith, could no longer stay put in his place. He asked our Holy Prophet (PBUH), “O Allah’s Apostle, whether we die or live, are we not in the true religion? When our Holy Prophet (PBUH) replied, “Yes, I swear by Allah in whose hand is my soul that you are”, Umar said, “In that case, why do we continue to conceal out faith? I swear by Allah Who has sent you with the religion of truth that I will bravely go to every assembly of polytheism and announce Islam without fear and hesitation.”

Upon this, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) set towards the Kaaba from Daru’l-Arqam, with Hazrat Umar on his right, Hazrat Hamza on his left, and the other companions (sahaba) following them from behind.  They entered the Masjid al-Haram with dignified steps.

The polytheists, who were expecting our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) head, were surprised when they saw this sight. They were looking at Hazrat Umar and Hazrat Hamza with scared and nervous glances. They were able to gather their courage and ask, “O Umar, what is behind you? What did you come with?”

Hazrat Umar replied, “I came with La ilaha illalah Muhammadur Rasullulah. Nobody should move from his place or else I will cut his neck.”

The polytheists became silent. It was as if their tongues were tied.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) circumambulated the Kaaba and prayed freely. The Muslims were also able to pray openly.

Hazrat Umar said,

“It was then that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) gave me the name, “Faruq” for separating truth and falsehood.” 

Hazrat Hamza’s conversion to Islam followed by Hazrat Umar’s ensured Islam’s development, enabled Muslims to worship freely, and saved Muslims from the constraints imposed by the polytheists. In this regard, Hazrat Umar’s joining of ranks with the Muslims held an important place in Islamic history.  One of the companions, Hazrat Abdullah bin Masud made note of this importance, “When Umar became a Muslim, it was a conquest for Islam, an honor as well as a glory for the Muslims, His migration to Makkah was a victory, and his Caliphate was a mercy. Until Umar became a Muslim, we could not openly pray in the Kaaba’s courtyard.”

[diguerra-moved]

What are Allerias nightmares like?

UNPROMPTED META ASKS // always accepting.

Well, the first thing to say about Alleria and nightmares, is that they would be very frequent – as in, really frequent, happens every night and the unusual thing is for them not to happen at all. She doesn’t sleep well, and she hasn’t in many years. Even somewhere comfortable and safe and calm and besides someone she loves, it is very rare for her to have a good night of peaceful sleep.

That would be due to two things: one, there’s a lot of traumatic events in her life and two, she doesn’t have to deal with ‘just’ her mind causing nightmares, there is also the Void. 

As to what they are like or what they are about, it depends. I think after her family’s death, seeing Windrunner Spire partially destroyed and the bodies of her immediate family, that I imagine had very violent deaths, they often plague her nightmares. It isn’t that she’s not familiar with violence and death — she is. But seeing her parents and her brother like that takes a toll on her, specially Lirath, like with everything else (and because I imagine his death to have been the worst, since I remember it being said somewhere he wanted to be a ranger like his sisters but hadn’t yet become one, he was probably very young and he definitely didn’t have the experience they had). 

More often than not, those wouldn’t be literally reliving the moment she found them, but something where she watched them die and could do nothing about it. Sometimes it’s other things, sometimes it’s just her dead family haunting her dreams. I think she still has nightmares with Lirath, but ones with her parents are usually rare, except for when her mom will show up on her dreams occasionally to personify her guilt over being unable to save people she cares for and overall failing people’s expectations. Sometimes her sisters guest star on them too, Sylvanas more so than Vereesa. 

She’d probably have nightmares about Arator too, before more than now with how much she feared he’d hate her for everything — but she’s still very protective of him, and nightmares about losing him are a thing. Worse nightmare combo is probably Lirath’s death+Arator dying in the same way and she having to watch and being unable to save either of them.

Her nightmares related to the Void are rarely ever about the Void itself. The creatures, the voices, the void lords — she understands the danger, but they don’t haunt her or frighten her as much. They’d be more so about what it could do to her and those around her, like, her falling to the void, or harming people because of it, directly or indirectly. The dreams with more influence from other forces would probably have her succumbing to the Shadows and enjoying it, and those would terrify her more than Alleria would ever admit. It’s not how she feels but it’s something she’s afraid of even thinking she might feel, so as far as her void-related nightmares go, those are the ones that would leave her more shaken even after she’s awoken. 

Xe’ra haunts her dreams as well on occasion. Those are more literal, more like real events — more like what the naaru has made her suffer and the fears she tried to exploit to make Alleria let go of the Void. The only difference is that in her nightmares, people she cared about and weren’t part of what she suffered directly but were tied to it through their ties to Xe’ra (why yes I’m looking at you Turalyon — but tbh, even Lothraxion considering they were friends for a while there) would in the very least be there to watch her suffer and do nothing about it, or to be her tormentors by the naaru’s orders. 

Idk, tbh I think her nightmares would be pretty varied. The only constant thing is that she always has them, and that the void probably has to do with this even in the dreams that aren’t apparently tied to it. I think the ones involving the Army of the Light and Xe’ra would be the case, in particular, because it’s too nice an attempt to explore that to make her even more wary of the Light and those connected to it, which is why I think those would be more frequent (that and because those are very recent events, and events she has just been ignoring and hasn’t dealt with and that left marks not at all healed).

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#39: The Deer Drop (7x4)

So, y’all, Negan is a fool. 😂  He has no idea that his downfall just strutted past him in this scene lol. 

After Rick and Michonne’s heartfelt talk, we see Michonne, with the deer around her, looking like a full fledged boss as she walks past Negan.  (Side note: The subtle surprised/sad look Michonne gives, when she notices Daryl, is so great and Danai truly can act without uttering a word.👏🏽)

As Michonne walks past Negan, I was like, "Uh, Negan, do you see this queen strutting past and mad dogging you right now? She's going to be your undoing, bruh." 😂  Cuz Michonne is Rick’s rock and so as long as Rick has her, Negan will never fully break him. It’s so interesting to see her walk past Negan because he really has no idea just how crucial this woman is to Rick and just how much she can change the whole game. 

Like I really feel like even just her presence back in ASZ made the vibe feel different there. It felt like there was a certain strength and power reinstalled in the community. Even Rick feels more whole, like he’s def still very broken, but you can tell that this day sucks just a little less when she’s there. Negan enjoys targeting leaders, but he just lets Rick’s leader walk right past him. Did I mention he’s a fool? 😋 

I love this moment because it says so much. One; it says that Michonne has agreed to Rick’s request even though she doesn’t necessarily like it. Two; it says that Michonne is over Negan and she’s not afraid to give him a look that shows him that. Three; This whole scene is proof that Rick and Michonne can’t quite hide or downplay how much they care about each other. (Nor should they)

Four; Michonne walks ahead of Rick and, if my eyes don’t deceive me, Rick keeps his eyes on her. He only looks at Negan once Negan starts speaking. It lets you know, once again, that they’re not on the same page but they are still a unit. And it's tough seeing Rick walking behind her cuz there's still this distance between them, and that’s just not the way they’re meant to be. But what I love about this shot of them walking, is that it really looks like Rick’s following the woman who leads him. 

And five; that deer drop tho. 

So as Michonne walks past Negan, holding this deer, the message is loud and clear; this woman is fierce. I love that Michonne has no fear when glaring at Negan. Like she knows to be somewhat subtle with it, but she’s also making it clear that she’s not feeling him even a little bit. Let him know, sis! 

And Rick has an alibi at the ready when he tells Negan he thought she was scavenging but she was hunting. It's sweet that this is Rick, once again, trying to protect her. In the words of Drake, this is Rick being like, “I think I’d lie for you” lol. And it's crazy cuz Negan has no idea Rick is talking to him about his wife and his rock. 

And when Rick hands over the gun, Negan tells him, “This is something to build a relationship on”. The scene cuts to Michonne when he says this, as she literally looks like she could murder him right then and there. Overlapping this shot with that line of dialogue isn’t a coincidence. But the irony is that, as much as Negan should be something that breaks Richonne, he really is only going to make their relationship stronger in the long run.

And then Rick heartbreakingly tries to make one last request and ask if Daryl can stay. It’s really sweet that Rick’s willing to take yet another risk and make a request for someone he cares about. And I almost feel like even the courage he musters to do this, has to do somewhat with the fact that his source of strength is back home. But, of course, Negan tells Rick he can't have Daryl back and Daryl's not about to plead his case cuz he knows there's no use. 😥 

I like that Michonne stays with that deer around her and she's surrounded by Saviors with literally zero fear. Like she could have just gave up the deer and left but she stays standing right in the mix of them. Even surrounded by all these dangerous men, her only concern is Rick’s conversation with Negan. She looks like if Rick were to say the word she would go into fight mode on the spot. 

(Side Note: It’s crazy seeing Rick, Michonne, and Daryl all around Negan in this scene. Like these are the baddest of the bunch, but right now Negan has them all enslaved. He doesn’t even realize these three are basically apocalyptic all-stars lol...But he’ll learn.)

So Negan lets Rick know he expects something interesting for next time and it’s interesting cuz this is Michonne’s first time seeing Negan degrade Rick today. You know it frustrated her to her core to see Negan bully her man.

And then Negan tells Arat to grab the deer before they head out...But see, Michonne isn’t your average chick. So they might’ve thought she was about to just softly hand this deer over, but Michonne was like...

And Homegirl drops the deer and mad dogs Negan, one last time, before fiercely turning and walking away. Queen. 👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏾👸

I love that in one final act of defiance for the day, Michonne drops the deer. It really does feel like a “drop the mic” moment. And talk about making an entrance and exit! Like I know everybody in the vicinity took note of her. You can actually see a Savior sort of take note when she walks away lol.

It’s actually a super big deal that Michonne drops the deer this way. It’s bold and it lets you know Negan has not ripped the fight out of her. I feel like, in her eyes, Negan is a dead man walking it’s just a matter of time. She might not be able to cut Negan up right here but she still makes a statement. This is still the Michonne. And the Michonne does not take kindly to governors, tyrants, and triers of Rick Grimes. 

It’s so clear in this moment that she’s beyond frustrated with their situation and this oppression and she’s unafraid to hide it. And when she drops the deer she then turns and walks further into that Savior crowd cuz she is unfazed by any of them.  (Side note: Notice the two people who most visibly defied Negan today are Carl and Michonne. Grimes 2.0 ain’t nothing to play with, y’all.)

Seeing Michonne drop the deer is where Rick can’t quite hide his emotions. He doesn’t take his eyes off her and he physically steps forward when she walks away. *magnets*

Negan decides to take one more petty jab at Rick by commenting on how he loves a girl that buys him dinner and yada, yada, yada. It's literally like the last straw of the day for Negan to now be making suggestive jokes unknowingly about Rick's woman. 

But Rick doesn't even seem to notice Negan's taunting at this point. He's almost completely preoccupied with that fact that Michonne is so clearly unhappy right now. 

I feel like this Negan reign is extra difficult for Rick and Michonne due to their intertwined well-beings. Rick’s not okay and so Michonne is even more not okay. And Michonne’s not okay so, as we see in this scene, Rick’s even more not okay too.

I love that Rick’s focus is on Michonne here, even with Negan right in his ear. I was like, Negan, a Richonne moment is happening right before your eyes, bruh. So stop talking cuz...

But on another note, Negan’s comment could make you wonder if he took some minor note of Michonne, not necessarily as Rick’s significant other, but as someone Rick obviously cares about.

I feel like there might be two reasons for Rick’s concerned expression here. One is because he’s so legitimately pained that she’s unhappy. This is a man who loves getting things for her and now he’s had to ask her to give up something. And, even though Michonne would never hold this against him, you can tell Rick personally feels that he’s let her down. 

But two; I also think the concerned expression is because he's like “Dang, my girl is kind of unafraid of Negan” cuz she wanted Negan to know she was #overhim when she dropped that deer. But, because Rick was so broken in that lineup, and is taking on so much of the guilt, he’s more in a place to just take the hits. And I think seeing Michonne drop that deer like a boss made him realize he's going to have to convince her they unfortunately can't even remotely be bosses around this psycho. 

Don’t get me wrong, Michonne is smart so she’s not going to do anything too recklessly defiant. But Rick knows that any type of defiance could be fatal, so I think the deer drop concerned him a bit. And it also really confirmed to him that Michonne is in a different head space than he’s in right now when it comes to how they view and approach Negan. 

What’s super clear in this scene though, is that Rick truly makes Michonne's happiness one of his top responsibilities, so he’s feeling extra down rn. And luckily we don’t have to wait long before seeing R&M talk it out. 

*But first Rick serves some OG Rick Grimes when he talks to Spencer and tells him to “Say yes.” (Which little did we know would become very special words to us.😋 ) 

*Just a heads up: The following is about the Season Eight sneak peek*

So I mentioned in an earlier post that I only wanted Rick and Michonne to have a baby if it was in the last season...But then I saw that sneak peek last night and this happened...

And, y’all, I make mistakes and I learn my lessons lol.  

I really want Rick and Michonne to have a baby! It doesn’t have to be soon, but I’m def fully on board for this now. Something about Rick’s line in this sneak peek just triggered me and I immediately got on the Richonne baby train. 

And I acknowledge that Rick might have just strictly meant he’s ready to just be Rick “the dad” and “husband” after the war and let someone else lead. But with Maggie talking about trimesters, and Ezekiel talking about fighting for the children to come, like there was just some serious baby vibes in this scene and I was so here for it lol. 

I heard this line and I was really like, “Rick, bruh, I need you to please elaborate on this. Like what exactly do you mean? Cuz I’m low key getting baby vibes from this ambiguous statement.” Even just the possible implication that Rick is open to having a child with Michonne made me so happy. 

Wanting a kid might not even be remotely what Rick was referencing in this scene, and y’all probably have much better insight on it than me. But either way, it made me much more excited about the idea of Richonne having a kid. (Y’all know I’m a little late to the party sometimes.😂  But I’m here now!) 

Anyways, just thought I’d give an update lol. Cuz I was hesitant about a Richonne baby and then, the minute I heard this line, this was literally me...

[neganandblake]

I think liked you better when you didn’t have a knife in your hand, Peaches... Chapter 23- Please

When Blake finds herself sold out to the Saviours by her abusive fiancé, she realises that she's certainly not on her own anymore and finds an unlikely friend in Negan. And Negan does NOT like men who beat their girlfriends, one tiny bit….

Chapter 23

Blake remained alone for the long two days that followed.

She had managed to get herself up and out of bed to use the bathroom….but that was far as she felt able to go by herself….exhausted by even that.

The bandages around her broken and bruised ribs and around her sprained wrist were checked and changed by Doctor Carson, formally of the Hilltop people…who looked slightly stressed and frazzled.

And apart from that, a meek-looking Saviour, who only looked about fourteen, brought her three meals a day without fail.

But this pair were the only people she had seen. Even the hallway outside her room had been empty each time she had passed through it.

Since Blake had awoken, she had had no contact with Negan or any of his close lieutenants. No Dwight, no Eugene, no Simon and no Arat. Even the few she didn't know by their names hadn't come near her either…and Blake knew that this had to have been on Negan's orders.

She had heard the anger in his voice when he had spoken to her….felt the disappointment in his glare…

He had of course expected her to betray David…but Blake couldn't do that. For she knew what would happen if she did.

She had to remain loyal…..to the man she loved….

Or at least the man she used to love.

Blake's brain since having woken, had been going a mile a minute.

She was in pain. But this had nothing to do with her bruises or her broken bones.

Instead, this had everything to do with what David had done to her…not just three days ago…but over the last six months.

Even when she had been in Alexandria she had felt like a prisoner. Afraid to put a foot wrong. But back then she loved him. She doted on him. He was her fiancé after all.

But since getting here, to the Sanctuary, things had changed….David had changed…..he was not the man she had met and fallen for all those years ago.

The tears had barely stopped falling these last couple of days….her eyes red and sore….and dried up…

She had nothing left to give. No energy left to spend.

Blake had just taken a long shower. It was late afternoon and today had been the first day she had felt strong enough to stand in the shower….letting the water wash the dried blood from her hair….washing carefully her three large stitches that remained on the very back of her head…as well as the dirt and grime from the rest of her body.

Blake hadn't showered or changed her clothes since before she had left for the run…

But now standing here, in just a fresh pair of plain black matching underwear…looking into the long mirror that hung on the back of her closet…did Blake realise just how terrible she looked.

Her skin all over was bruised….and the bruises that were no longer bright purple like the ones across her ribs and her neck, were now green and ghastly-looking.

Her eyes were red, as predicted...with deep purple bags beneath them.

Her hair was damp and wavy, and even despite running a hairbrush through it, it looked limper and more lifeless than before.

Blake took in a half-sob before she could stop herself, clutching suddenly at her mouth, the pain of the sharp intake of breath shooting through her sore ribs.

This is what she had become. A mere shell of herself.

And she knew who all this was down to.

Blake hung her head, staring down at her feet.

But she had had her chance. Had her chance to blame him. And she had instead lied. Defending him to the bitter end.

And even Negan, who had had her back since getting here, had turned against her…sick of her lies too..

She knew now that he must think of her, just like David thought of her…with disgust….

Blake had almost expected Negan to hit her too….while he yelled at her. And it had surprised her when he hadn't. But was that because that was all she expected now from men in her life? A punch here…a poisonous word into her ear there?

Blake let out a shaky breath and stared up at her reflection once again…before her gaze, instead, drifted to the window behind her…shining in, a warm late afternoon sunlight….that caught on the dust particles that drifted through the air…making Blake think of a dreamy place…..a place where perhaps she would have been had she not woken up two days ago…

She gave a painful gulp.

Her throat was still sore...the bruises still littered there.

But as Blake grasped up a soft grey jersey sweater and a pair of navy pants, slipping them on, she knew that for the first time in days she just wanted to be outside in the fresh air…Even if only for a moment.

Wanting to feel alive.

She stepped into her pair of low-topped tennis shoes, chancing one last change at her reflection, before slamming the closet door and heading straight out of the room.

Out in the corridor she looked this way and that. It was of course, silent again, with not a soul in sight.

Blake wondered now to what Negan was doing right now…or David for that matter…

She wondered if Frankie was still giving him massages…or whether he was lurking around the corner once again to finish the job to kill Blake off completely.

This thought alone made her nervous, and Blake couldn't help but give yet another gulp as she turned right at the end of the hallway, making for a different way down to the outside areas….not wanting to see the staircase she had fallen down. Not yet anyway.

She turned the corner, pushing open a door and stopping at the top of a small, this time, stone set of stairs that led down to the lower levels.

Blake gripped onto the railing tightly and let out a nervous puff of air as she walked gingerly down the steps one at a time.

It wasn't a minute later that she had gone down two flights of the staircase, coming out on the first floor….finding herself in a familiar looking corridor….

In a place she had not seen in days.

She blinked slightly, frowning and peering down the long gloomy hallway.

It was quiet, and as Blake tentatively walked down the corridor her footsteps echoed loud and clear, she remembered back to less than a week ago, when she was first brought here, to the Sanctuary, and placed a cell.

And that cell, was in fact, right there, third door down, straight ahead of her.

But there was nothing to be afraid of now…right?

Would Negan really shove her back in there?

But actually after what happened between them…she wouldn't put it past him now.

Blake's fingers trembled nervously as she walked…heading past the closed cell door hurriedly…heading towards the door at the end of the hallway, that she knew led all the way down towards the large, open balcony outside.

But she had barely moved a few feet past the looming cell door, when a sudden, quivering voice called out.

"P-Please…..i-is someone there?"

Blake recognised it instantly…her face paling.

"Please..." it came again, sounding desperate. "…I'll d-do anything!"

Blake turned and took a slow and tentative step towards the door, giving a hard gulp.

"David?" she murmured…her voice wavering slightly as she spoke.

What was he doing locked up in there?

But she obviously knew who was responsible for this….of course Negan had seen right through her lie….

But she had never expected him to do this to David. To lock him up…to keep him in there.

"Blake?" uttered the voice of her fiancé. She could hear him shifting against the inside of the door.

But Blake stopped nervously just a foot or two away…clenching her sleeves in her hands tightly.

The last time she had heard David's voice, she had been looking into his bright blue eyes….full of hatred and disgust…as he had pushed her backwards.

But yet something…something in his voice seemed to pin her to the spot…unable to move…to run…to flee.

It was as if he had a hold on her…a hold she just could not escape from.

"Blake," David uttered once more, his voice full of urgency. "You have to get me out of here. I haven't eaten or drunk anything since they threw me in here. I-I can't take it anymore. Please, Blakey…sweetheart, you have to help me."

Blake tugged at her lip worriedly….right now feeling so weak-willed…

"I don't know…I-I-" she began as her words trailed off, her eyes darting this way and that up and down the corridor. Almost waiting for someone to come and disturb the two of them…to give her a way out.

"What the fuck do mean, you don't know?" snapped David suddenly from behind the door. He sounded irritated. His words bruising her more than his fists had. "After all these years we've been together, and what? You're just going to leave me here to rot? Is that it?"

Blake took a step back, shaking her head.

"N-no, no.." she said in a quiet tone of desperation.

What he had done to her…

He had tried to kill her. Of course he had.

But even so, right now, Blake felt wholly like she was the one that owed him. Guilt flooding over her, causing panic to fill every fibre of her body.

She heard David give a sigh.

"Blakey," he began, speaking slowly. "If you loved me. If you really loved me, you'd go and talk to Negan. You'd get me out of here. I mean, you do still love me, don't you, Sweetie?"

Blake breathed hard, tears pricking at her eyes.

"Y-Yes," she blurted out before she could stop herself. Not knowing whether the words spilling out of her mouth were entirely true.

Did she love him? After everything he'd done to her…she knew she shouldn't…

But it was almost as if she desperately needed to please him. To feel his love….

Because without him, who else would she have in this world?

"Then I need you to go and find Negan," David said in a careful tone. "I need you to explain to him that I had nothing to do with you falling down those stairs."

That was a lie.

And Blake knew it.

She hovered there for a moment. Feeling almost unsteady on her feet.

"And if you do that….if you get me out…" continued Blake's blue-eyed fiancé. "…you and me, Blakey…we can be together again….just how we used to be…"

Blake's mouth went dry.

That was all she wanted in the world.

She felt herself trembling. Every inch of her body telling her to leave him there for good…inside his prison where Blake and everyone else around her could be safe from him.

She pressed a hand to the cell door closing her eyes and breathing in and out…so so aware of the bruises, right now, that covered her body.

"I don't know if Negan would even listen to me-" she started, shaking her head.

She certainly did not want to beg Negan. She knew what he was capable of. And right now she was not really in his good books. She would likely be risking her life trying to reason with him.

But David continued, his voice sounding close now and softer than before-

"Blakey, I've seen him around you. If anyone can convince him, it's you. Promise me you'll do this for me, Blakey."

Blake felt so frightened right now.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut at his words, pursing her lips sadly and leant her forehead against the cold steel door.

"I-" she began….the words disappearing from her mouth as she spoke. "I-I'll try…"

She know she had to.

She couldn't lose David. Let him down. He was all she had.

"I love you sweetheart," David uttered in a loud voice.

But Blake blinked her eyes open, looking down at the floor.

"I-I….I love you too…" she whispered finally…with purpose, pushing herself from the door.

She knew she had to do this.

For David.

But she couldn't help her heart ache with overwhelming sadness.

If this had been anyone else…she'd have screamed at them….yelled at them for being so stupid. But here she was….and from the inside, looking out at all this….it was far more difficult to navigate that one would first believe.

She was defending the man who had tried to kill her...who had pushed her down the stairs… who had spoken to her with so much poison in his voice.

And yet now….it seemed like perhaps he had changed…perhaps he regretted what he had done...

He had told her he loved her. And that was all Blake wanted right now. Someone she could hold onto in this hellish world.

She gave a dry gulp…as she walked swiftly down the long hallway, head bowed low before turning the corner and beginning to head up the large, steep staircase that led up towards Negan's quarters.

The Sanctuary was quiet up here, with no sound exept from the muffled echo of Blake's footsteps as she headed around the maze that was the upper levels, turning right, then left, then right again….finally finding herself…before she realised where she was. Now, right outside Negan's door.

Blake took in an unsteady breath, clasping the sleeves of her sweater tightly in her hands once more, before letting them god and smoothing them down.

She looked up and tried to calm herself.

She needed to do this.

She needed to…

And so, raising her hand, Blake gave a slow and steady knock, her heart pounding as she did so.

There was a long pause….long enough for Blake to search the door before her with frightened eyes and turn on her heel….supposing (or at least hoping) that Negan wasn't inside.

But after a long few seconds there came an answer. An answer which Blake had hoped would never come.

"Come in," came the commanding voice of a person she recognised so well.

The man…that dangerous man…who had given Blake everything in the short time she had been here.

She let out a small, nervy puff of air and turned the handle, opening the door…

Her eyes searched the large room for him, as the door swung wide open, only for them to finally land on the wide leather couch, were Negan was sat, one leg propped up across the other, writing in some sort of large notebook with a ballpoint pen.

He had on his black leather jacket, with grey t-shirt just peeking out from beneath it, his boots and his dark grey pants, and he looked like he had been there, sat on the couch for quite some time, with Lucile propped up against the coffee table before him.

Negan looked up at Blake with darkened chocolate eyes, as she took a step nervously into the room.

A frown twitched its way between his brows as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Can I help you?" he asked with a low growl, looking up at her incredulously.

His tone with her was so unlike what Blake had had from him before.

It was scathing, irritated, and gave nothing away.

Blake took a step into the room, staring over at him defiantly, raising her chin….trying to be the person he had seen her as before.

But inside Blake was doing all she could to stop herself from shaking with fear.

"You have to let him go," was all she could manage to say, her voice almost braking as she spoke, her green eyes meeting with his.

She tried to stand up straight, but right now she felt like a tiny mouse….an insect that Negan could oh-so easily squish if he wanted to.

Negan paused for long a moment, staring back at her, not saying a word.

The room filled with a thick sort of silence, and Blake was convinced that her heart was pounding so hard that both she and Negan would surely hear it.

It was a long few seconds before Negan replaced the cap back on his pen, and shut the notebook in his hands, placing it silently down beside him. All this while not breaking eye contact with Blake.

She gave a painful gulp, the bruises at her ribs aching.

The tall, dark-haired saviour got to his feet with a short, stiff sigh, his eyes narrowing at her as he did so.

Even though Blake was tall herself, as Negan moved across the room towards her, it was hard not to be intimidated in his presence.

But why?

This was the man she had cuddled up to for warmth just a couple of days ago… the man who had given her anything she wanted….even going as far as to hand-deliver pizza to her door just because she wanted it.

But right now, Blake's breath hitched painfully in her throat, as Negan closed the gap between the pair of them, coming to stop just a mere breath away from her.

He reached a hand up, grasping her upper arm firmly and tugging her into him gently.

"Now why would I wanna do that? Hmmm, Peaches?" he uttered, in what was a husky, low whisper, his lips lingering near to her ear. "You give me one good reason why I should do that, darlin', and maybe…just maybe I'll consider it."

Right now everything felt so far away for Blake…the whole world, including David, seeming distant to her….as she stood there, turning her face, so that her eyes met with Negan's dark ones.

He looked back at her, almost plying her to tell him the truth….to say what she had been keeping in for so long.

But Blake's heart broke as she realised the truth.

That she would never be free. That she would never be allowed to make that decision. She would never be the queen that Negan thought she once was.

Blake's lip quivered for a long moment, before she let out a shaking breath and shook her head.

"Because I love him…" she uttered, her shoulders dropping tiredly, as her eyes lingered on his, full of pain and anguish and heartbreak.

Negan gazed back at her for a long moment, that frown line still there…before he gave a sudden blink…his lips parting slowly….

But before Blake could say another word Negan had dropped his hand from her arm, turning around and striding back over to Lucille.

He snatched up his barbed-wire covered baseball-bat unceremoniously, before advancing on Blake once more, suddenly grabbing her hand in his, and pulling her towards the door.

Blake looked startled…gaping.

"What-" she began…" W-Where are we going?" she uttered fearfully, as Negan tugged her out into the corridor, walking ahead of her with long-legged strides.

Blake had never seen the leader of the Saviours like this before…so determined and so purposeful. He was usually the first to fool around. To make light of even the darkest of situations….whether it was appropriate to do so or not.

But now he seemed angry…..his shoulders tensed beneath his leather jacket…

She gave a gulp, trying as hard as she could to pull herself from his grasp, but Negan was strong, not giving up his grip on her hand.

At the end of the long corridor, before the pair reached the stairs they were met with a frowning Simon who looked up at them a little confused.

"Boss?" he began, a little unsurely, as they reached him.

But Negan's jaw was tensed, a muscle in his bearded cheek ticking furiously.

"Go fetch that piece of shit from his cell and bring him outside," he ordered in an angry barking tone, that usual Negan smart-mouth now gone, leaving only a man who Blake had heard about in fearful hushed words around Alexandria.

This feared leader who had bludgeoned innocent people.

Blake trembled, as Negan tugged her harshly towards the stairs, and as Simon nodded, disappearing through a pair of double doors at the far end of the hallway hurriedly.

But Blake gave a hard tug on Negan's arm.

"Stop," she said demandingly, breathing hard.

And Negan finally obliged.

Turning around to look at her, a scowl across his long, bearded face.

"Please don't do this…" she said shaking her head and looking back at Negan with pleading eyes.

And Negan, for the briefest of moments, stared back at her, with something other than anger in his features.

Something full of warmth and desperation, almost imploring Blake…

But it didn't last long.

And with that…without another word from the tall Saviour's lips, he turned on his booted-heel once again and pulled Blake down the steps…

…down into the unknown…

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged

@collette04 @attorneyl @charoly @princessmoonspunky @mssharingisfun @shimmerybutt @yellatthetopofyourlungs @daydreamsandchai @onemorebeautifulnightmare @arwa-alii @letsdosciencekids @maggiesourie @blumenkind72 @toloaughistolove @alonna-oxoxox

[yourslovinglecter]

The Duchess - Part 4

Summary: She hated him, for everything he had done to them, the damage he had caused, the suffering and pain he had left behind. She hated him… Didn’t she? Emilia comes face to face with the leader of the Saviours and is confronted with his true nature, which in turn has her questioning her own.

Warning/s: Eventual smut, slow burner, profanity/swearing, graphic descriptions of violence.

Pairing: Negan/OC

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

No gifs are made by me unless otherwise stated. All credit goes to the original creators.

Part 4

The Sanctuary/The Saviours

He rolled his shoulders and grinned as a tingle shot up his spine, whilst leaning forward in the passenger seat he re-angled the rear view mirror to watch her. Dwight shot him a look from the drivers seat, but didn’t dare question him and refocused his eyes on the road.

He rubbed a gloved thumb over Lucille’s handle as he saw Emilia watch the trucks go before she turned to Rick, placing one of her small hands upon his back. The smile fell from Negan’s face and his jaw jumped as he flexed it in anger, he watched from the growing distance as Rick turned to her and embraced her, his head resting atop her chestnut hair.

He was unaware he had growled in irritation until Dwight looked at him again and uttered a quiet “Boss?” In question.

He returned the rear view mirror to its original position and reclined in his seat, his eyes unfocussed on the road ahead. He could feel Dwight’s curiosity coming from him in waves and he sighed and rotated his head to face the man, scarred side on, he admired his handiwork for a moment before speaking.

“You gotta question you wanna ask me Dwight?” He felt his fury bubbling deep within his chest. Any rise he had gotten from Rick, any victory his submission had given him, had all been snatched away as he’d watched their embrace.

Dwight must have heard that in his tone for he gulped once and gripped hard onto the steering wheel. “I was just wonderin’ why you didn’t bring her with you.”

Negan’s jaw flexed again and as her face flashed in his minds eye he swiped his lower lip with his tongue. “The Duchess?”

Dwight’s brow furrowed as he glanced sideways at him. “Err, the one who beat on Arat. I don’t know her name. The English bitch.”

Negan’s grip on Lucille suddenly tightened and his gaze darkened further. He looked up in the rearview to see they were a considerable distance away from Alexandria and made his decision.

“Stop the fucking van.” His voice was quiet. Deadly. Lucille was begging for a taste of flesh, even if it was the twisted, charred kind. When Dwight didn’t immediately obey he yelled again in his mangled ear, leaning forward. “STOP THE FUCKING VAN.”

The brakes emitted a high pitched whine and the tyres squealed as Dwight jumped and slammed the breaks on fast. The vehicles behind followed suit, but no one was stupid enough to come up and ask why.

He could see Dwight’s hands shaking even as they gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white.

“What. Did. You. Call. Her?” He leaned forward emphasising every word, his elbow was now propped upon Dwight’s shoulder as he ground the words out into his mutilated ear.

“I-I’m sorry Boss. I-” Suddenly Negan moved, his much larger frame pushing against Dwight, his elbow was lodged under his chin, forcing him back with a loud bang into the window. The force of the impact cracked the glass and Dwight wheezed as his air supply was cut off by Negan’s large forearm.

“Be careful Dwighty boy.” His voice was deep and rough with fury and Dwight was too afraid to meet his eyes. Too afraid he’d see the same look he’d seen there when the hot iron had approached his skin.

Then as quickly as he had moved he was back in place again, nonchalantly tapping his fingers on Lucille’s handle as he whistled a tune and looked out the window as if nothing had happened. Dwight rubbed at his neck as he sat up, his chest heaving with terrified gasps, and released the hand break.

Once they were moving again Negan spoke, his tone devoid of the fury Dwight had just been witness to.

“Her name is Emilia.” His voice caressed the name as if enjoying the taste of it in his mouth. “And I didn’ bring her back yet because when I do, it will be because she chose it.”

Dwight frowned again, worried about inciting Negan’s wrath again but also not quite understanding what he meant. “You think she’ll come voluntarily?”

Negan chuckled, his dark, rich tone filling the air around them. “Oh I know she will. I’ll just need to give her a little nudge in the right direction.”

Dwight kept his eyes on the road, probably wondering what plan Negan was concocting, but he most certainly wasn’t brave enough to ask.

Once they reached The Sanctuary Negan was quick out of the vehicle, swinging Lucille beside him as he barked orders to the men unloading their loot. As he made his way past the walkers out front, deliberately not breathing through his nose so he didn’t catch their rotten stench, everyone who saw him dropped to their knees. He couldn’t remember when that had begun, but he liked it, it gave him power over them and showed newcomers what behaviour was expected of them.

The sudden kneeling continued as he made his way through the halls, Lucille firmly gripped in his hand, he ignored anyone he may come across as he made his way to his office. Once he closed the door behind him he laid Lucille on the couch and poured himself a drink from the crystal decanter which was always kept filled to the top on his desk. He raised the whiskey to his mouth and took a deep drink, once he had swallowed he released the breath he felt as though he had been holding since he’d first seen her.

He didn’t miss a thing and certainly hadn’t missed her as she’d bashed her way past fat Joey on her way out of Rick’s house. Hm, what had she been doing in there anyway? She’d told him they weren’t a thing but they seemed awfully fucking close to him.

She had been a breath of fucking fresh air in that place and he’d be lying if he didn’t admit to wanting to fuck her as soon as he’d seen her. But then she’d approached them and looked at him with such disgust that is interested was piqued beyond that. Hell as soon as she’d fuckin’ talked he knew he was screwed. That voice. That accent.

She had held herself like fucking royalty and his brain had immediately coined her ‘The Duchess’. She was too badass for ‘Princess’ and deserved far more than his regular phrase of ‘doll’.

He chuckled to himself quietly as he took another drink, letting the whisky burn his through as he recalled her first words to him.

‘Go fuck yourself.’

She really was something and he wanted her bad. He’d very nearly done as Dwight suggested, swooped her up and stolen her for himself, but he knew he had to be patient. She may not realise it but his charm had worked, he knew he was a charismatic motherfucker naturally, but when he put real effort into it… Hell even the larger chick had been creaming her pants for him.

Though that was probably due to her not seeing a lot of action. He’d bet The Duchess saw plenty.

His dark brows furrowed as he tried to get that picture out of his brain, he couldn’t think of her in that type of situation with any man. Which drove home to him just how screwed he was. He’d been in Alexandria, in her company for a couple hours and here he was jealous over her imaginary conquests.

He drained his glass and slammed it on the table. And to think he had to wait a whole week before he could see her again. He thought of her gleaming chestnut hair and her stormy blue eyes, he was sure a bruise would be coming up on that smooth cheek of hers, her heart shaped face would be marred by purple, green and blue and her perfect little lower lip would swell.

He smirked slowly to himself as he turned and look at Lucille in contemplation. He picked her up and made his way out of the door, he had things to do, besides perhaps they could pay a visit to Alexandria a little earlier than planned to keep Rick on his toes. Of course that would bring the added benefit of seeing her a little sooner.

And in the meantime he had the resource right in these very walls to try and find out more about his Duchess.  

It turned out that said resource was galvanised from seeing his boyfriend Rick and had been pounding away at his cell door for hours. He’d had to have a conversation with Dwight about that. Even tried to tempt him with Sherry… He hadn’t caved, but also hadn’t accepted the invitation the fuck anyone else willing. Then showing what a good boy he was, ran off to do grunt work and left fat Joey in charge of Daryl, after Dwight had left Negan went to have a conversation with his favourite prisoners current babysitter.

“Boss!” Joey dropped to his knees quickly, his considerable weight making a loud thud and one of Negan’s eyes squinted in an almost wince as he thought about the pain that would have caused his knee.

“Get up fat Joseph, I want to test whether our guest is gettin’ the way things fuckin’ work around here.” He swung Lucille so she balanced on his shoulder. Joey glanced between her and Negan in fear, sweat breaking out on his upper lip.

He watched from afar as Joseph left the door unlocked and walked around the corner, pursed his lips and sighed in disappointment as Daryl made a break for it. He followed from a distance, bemused at his escape attempt until he glanced around a corner and saw Sherry whispering into his ear. All amusement vanished as rage descended, he watched intrigued as she told him to go back, told him it could get worse.

Damn fucking right it could, and would for her if she wasn’t honest with him.

He remained where he was as Daryl fled round the corner, heard her heels click on the floor as she approached, she came round the corner and slammed straight into his chest. He didn’t put his hands out to steady her as she stumbled but instead remained impassive as he looked at her.

“Why hello, my darlin’ wife.” Irony laced the word and her eyes shot up to his. She wasn’t dumb by any means but it took a little longer than he would have expected for her to get it. When understanding finally lit her eyes he only quirked a questioning eyebrow at her and rocked on his heels, Lucille still balanced on his shoulder and his other hand in his pocket.

“Daryl is out.” She said reluctantly. “He went that way.” She pointed behind her and Negan only nodded once as he looked over her appearance.

“You look like a schoolgirl in that sundress, go fuckin’ change it.” He barked and stormed past her as she flinched backward. He knew why he was being an asshole to her. Her eyes held only fear and resignation, not the fire and defiance he had seen only hours earlier in those stormy blue eyes which he was sure would stay with him. That sundress would have been perfectly acceptable to him in the hours before he’d seen Emilia in her white tank top and those tight camo pants which were perfectly moulded to her ass and thighs, leading down to her black leather boots.

He stood for a moment and closed his eyes at the memory, tracing every curve in his minds eye. Boy was he glad she hadn’t seen fit to zip up her jacket.

He jolted back to himself as he heard a door slam and continued on his way outside. He was really fucking disappointed in Daryl, but maybe he still had a chance to redeem himself.

Negan whistled as he walked slowly up to the circle of his man surrounding Daryl. He’d made it as far as the bikes, but the keys weren’t kept in them so had never stood a chance of getting away on one.

He meandered his way into the centre of the circle, like he had all the time in the world. He held Daryl in his gaze and smirked as he swung Lucille to his side and asked “Who are you?”

Fat Joey answered immediately “Negan.”

“Who aaare you?” He pointed her over his shoulder at whoever stood behind him, his eyes never wavering from Daryl as the answer came from behind. “Negan.”

“Who are ya?” He held both hands out to his sides and bounced once in apparent glee.

A chorus of “Negan” echoed around them and a self satisfied smirk bloomed on his face.

“You see that? I am everywhere and this was your shot to prove to me that that fundamental fact was sinking in, and you failed. Which sucks as your life was about to get so much cooler!” He remained facing Daryl but spoke to Fat Joey when he asked “Isn't that right?”

“Damn right.” Fat Joey repeated, a conceited, sly smirk turning the corners of his mouth up.

“Now Dwight gave you some options.” Negan said feeling both impressed and irritated by Daryl’s composure. “I don’t think you get it yet so I'm gonna break it down for you. One, you wind up on the spike and you work for me as a dead man. Two you get outta your cell and you work for points but you’re gonna wish you were dead, or three… You work for me, you get yourself a brand new pair of shoes and you live like a king! Choice should be pretty obvious, you should know, there is no door number four. This is it. This is the only way.”

Nothing.

Negan sucked his teeth thoughtfully. “Fair enough if you haven’t quite made your mind up yet, it’s a big decision, I understand. But i’m feeling generous so I’m willing to give you a little more time to think… Perhaps in a better room with food beside dog meat sandwiches? If you can give me some information.”

The men around Daryl briefly glanced at their leader, they hadn’t heard this part before. This little test was usually part and parcel of breaking someone, at this point most people agreed to join or went back into their cells listening to ‘Easy Street’ on repeat until they cracked. No one else had been offered more comfortable lodgings whilst they made up their mind in exchange for information. Whatever it was, the boss must want it bad.

“Yeah?” Daryl asked, lifting his chin defiantly as he glared at Negan through his swollen eyes and unwashed hair. “What you wanna know?”

Negan span on his heel and chuckled, swinging Lucille around with him. “Emilia.” Negan watched Daryl carefully and he saw the younger mans reaction, saw his eyes narrow and his jaw clench. “I wanna know everythaang there is to know about her. You willin’ to trade?”

It seemed even the mention of her name had injected more courage into Daryl and Negan felt his blood began to boil again, maybe he had her lover right here… He could open up the position in one fell swoop if that was the case. Everyone could see Daryl wasn’t going to talk, his extended silence only confirmed this.

“Screw it.” Negan spat before taking Lucille in both hands and swinging hard and suddenly toward Daryl’s face. He didn’t even blink.

“Wow! You don’t scare easy! I love that. But Lucille…” He raised the barbed wire baseball bat under Daryls nose. “Well it kinda pisses her off, she finds it to be…” He waved her around as if he was searching for the right word. “disrespectful. Lucky for you she’s not feeling too thirsty today…”

“But I am.” Negan leaned close, whispering menacingly into Daryl’s ear, his face was stone cold fury and a weaker man may have crumbled. “So i’m gonna go get me a drink!”

He laughed as he turned away and made his way back inside the factory, whistling as he heard fists connecting with flesh as his boys took Daryl down. He was irritated that he hadn’t managed to get any further information on The Duchess, but he wasn’t surprised that she inspired such loyalty.

Hell he didn’t even know why he was suddenly so interested in her, maybe it was the thrill of the chase, or how she looked at him like she fucking despised him. But interested he was.

Part 5

Taglist: @negan--is--god  @negans-network @aeiflegonphoenix

If you would like to be tagged just let me know. 

[neganisking]

They found her in the woods. Pt 2

Thank you for all the love for the first part. I hope you enjoy! Tagging: @thefelinemedia78 @negans-network

–

It was times like these that Negan wondered why he bothered. 

He had gone to all the trouble of organising every last thing, delegating to Simon and Wade so that the bunch of babies that worked under him could get by without him having to hold their hand for one fucking day. And yet there he was, in the middle of a pretty fucking important job being interrupted by some asshole who thought he knew better. He wasn’t sure exactly when he became a babysitter but he sure wasn’t being paid enough for that shit.

Negan had been rather enjoying himself too, in the company of a woman who might just end up dead by the end of the day, watching everyone run around – there was nothing like the threat of death to set a fire up everyone’s ass. He thrived on the tension and fear in the air. Despite the setback with the kid with the man sized balls, and this ‘mix up’ with the guns, he could tell today was going to be another win. 

“Negan?”

Stopping mid-monologue, he turned to Arat and frowned. “What is it Arat? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a god damn conversation? It is rude to interrupt someone when they’re in the middle of a fucking conversation you know that.”

The other woman pressed her lips into a thin line and Negan smiled. Getting under people’s skin really tickled his balls. He knew though how seriously Arat took things so he knew that it must be important. 

“I’m just busting your great big lady nuts you know that.  C'mon – what’s fucking wrong this time?”

Instead of replying, she holds out her hand and offers Negan her radio. He just blinks at it for a few long moments. Surely she was joking. No one would be stupid enough to try to get him on the radio,  not today of all days when he specifically stated that no one was to bother him. 

“You’re fucking kidding.”

She shakes her head. “I told him. But he insisted.”

Sitting forwards in the chair, Negan’s face darkened. No one commanded his time. No one. “What is so motherfucking important hmm?”

“He didn’t say.” He noticed for once she looked nervous.  Rightly so, he was growing more angry by the second. How was he supposed to make Rick the prick and company follow his rules while his own people were too fucking stupid to.

He got to his feet, missing the weight of Lucille in his hand though it was more important that Rick had her right now. He needed to show Alexandria that the rules mattered no matter how high up on the food chain you were.  

Allowing his voice to rise and his anger to seep through, Negan took a step towards the woman. “C'mon Arat. You bring this to me – you say he insisted but you don’t even fucking know what the fuck is wrong? You know better than to pull this shit. I am entertaining my guest here while she is otherwise detained – I don’t have time to wipe some asshole’s asshole today. Now tell whoever the fuck it is I’m busy and don’t fucking bug me again. Do we understand one another?” 

To her merit, she didn’t flinch once.  It reminded Negan why he trusted her with his life, why she was a total badass. She knew the score.  

“He said it was your personal business. That you would want to know right away.”

The word personal piqued his interest.  Negan didn’t have a personal life.  If he had he would have been ruined by now, secrets get you fucking dead. Even the amount of times he got his dick wet in a day was common knowledge. He was an open fucking book. 

Glaring at the offending radio, Negan weighs up his options. He can always kill the guy if it’s a waste of his time. He takes it from her hand and gestures to the saviours around him.

“This had better be fucking good. Watch her, anything happens you fucking shut that shit down and get me pronto. No one gets hurt you got that?”

“Got it.”

With long strides, Negan walks back to the truck, hoisting himself into the empty cab before finally answering the call. “Who the fuck is this?”

The reply is instant. “Travis sir.”

No screaming, crying, nothing blowing up in the background – safe to say Negan was disappointed. Clearly it could wait. But not before he gave this Travis a chewing out, he would punish him properly later.

“Well Travis, let me let you in on a secret. And by secret I mean something you were all told in fucking triplicate. Today is one motherfucking busy day and you were specifically told not to do the one thing that you fucking took it upon yourself to do. So it had better be fucking worth it Travis you know how much of a stickler Lucille is for the rules.”

“It is sir – Negan – it’s just – we were – “

The man on the other end of the radio splutters pathetically and it makes Negan want to hurt him. He would roll his eyes but he’s very much aware of the amount of people outside who could be watching. He settles on scanning the view in front of him and watches Rick disappear into yet another house. The sorry shit really didn’t know where his guns were.

“- Don’t care. Out with it Travis.”

“We found a girl.”

He was amazed by this guy’s stupidity. Why would he think Negan cared for one second about that? Negan the man with five fucking beautiful wives who at this very second were waiting for him to come home.  

“Good for you Travis. Still do not care. Is that really what you interrupted my day for? Cause I gotta tell you, that ain’t gonna cut it I’m afraid.”

“No sir. It’s more than that.”

Negan resisted the urge to thump his skull against the steering wheel.  He was so done with this asshole. “One last chance. What is it?”

“We think she’s your daughter.”

For a moment, Negan had the surreal feeling that he was in a god damn dream. He didn’t do family, he didn’t have anything to lose anymore. That was the real secret to his success – all or nothing. He could put every last itty bitty fucking thing he had in because he had fuck all to hold him back.  No baggage. The very idea that he had a weakness like that knocked back in time to the shitty old world. He might have had a daughter, maybe two. He might have had a wife who loved him as well, but not anymore. 

“Negan?”

The voice on the radio brought him back to reality.  A quick look told him that Rick still hadn’t produced the fucking goods. He rubs his eyes with the cool leather off his glove and thinks.  It’s such an out of the fucking ball park suggestion it’s either true or a motherfucking trap.  The chances of it being true were slim to none, yet not impossible. Damnit.

“What the fuck makes you think she’s my daughter?”

The fear and doubt in Travis’ voice was clear even over the crackle of the radio static. Good. He should be fucking afraid. Very a-fucking-fraid. “Well, when I gave her the rundown about who she belonged to she heard your name and started begging to see you. She wouldn’t say why.”

“That’s it?” She could be fucking anyone.  Definitely sounded like a trap.

“No sir. She uh. She had a picture in her bag. You’re in it. With a woman and two girls.”

There’s only one place anyone would find a fucking picture like that. He never went back to the house after Lucile died.  Maybe it was one of the more dickish things he’d done but he wanted to keep moving forward.  As a man who had recently lost every last fucking thing he knew that holding onto the past would only get him fucking dead.  He was right to not look back. He was. 

Maybe it wasn’t a god damn trap. Maybe – maybe – one of his girls finally found their way home. He could almost feel the cracks forming, threatening everything he had worked so fucking hard to build, before he got a fucking grip. He shouldn’t be so sentimental - they’re dead. He didn’t know how else anyone could have found a picture like that, but it had to be a trap. They were all dead.

“Anything else?”

“I asked her  what her name was,  only I couldn’t tell much from that so I asked her what her mother was called.”

Negan held his breath, caught between hope and scolding himself for entertaining this sad fucking excuse for a joke. He tried to sound as disinterested as possible. “And?”

“Lucille. She said her name was Lucille .”

Negan didn’t put much – any – god damn faith in that answer. It wasn’t rocket science to figure out that his wife was named Lucille. Hell, he named his fucking bat after her. 

“Now I know you didn’t wanna be bothered but I just thought – if it was my girl, I’d wanna know.”

Out of everything it was the photo that fucked with his head the most.  Someone would have had to know where he had lived all those god damn fucking years ago.  No one who was still alive knew that.  But then maybe Travis was in on the shitty game.  Maybe Simon had told him about the two girls and the whole thing was a fucking lie. Fucker – that was private. He trusted Simon with his life.  He wouldn’t fucking dare.  

He was going to have to fucking find out one way or another. “Travis shut the fuck up. Where is she now?”

“In the back of the truck.”

“Give her the radio.”

For just a moment,  he let himself wonder.  He tried not to think about how they only found one girl not two. He tried not to think about which one it could be - Would it be his headstrong Cassie? She was older, 26 now – fuck he was getting old. It would make sense that she survived: she was tough, fucking fast, she could have made it. Or maybe -

“Hello?”

It was fucking stupid of him to think he would recognise her voice.  It had been 7 years and he had spent too long trying to forget. But maybe it wasn’t them at all. 

“Who’s this?”

“Grace.”

“Grace?” Grace – his little girl. The one with her head in the clouds and her mothers eyes. She was still alive? 

“Grace-lynn.”

He had to take fucking control of the situation. He had to. Clearing his throat he did his best to distance himself from things. He was fucking Negan after all. Either today just got better or a whole bunch of assholes were going to die, either way he was going to stay on top. He had to.

“Gracie I’m going to ask you a couple of questions and you’re gonna answer them honestly okay? I’ll know if you’re lying.” The nickname slipped out before he could stop it. He was getting his fucking hopes up.

“Okay.” She sounded scared. Fuck. He pulled himself the fuck together and pushed on.

“Where were you when everything turned to shit?”

“Down south. Nashville. We were on a school trip.” 

Ice burned through his veins. He hadn’t wanted them to go. Lucile convinced him in the end, she wanted them to have god damn adventures. She wanted to hear all about it before she died. Look how well that fucking turned out. Shit. Everything turned to shit.

 “We?” He wanted to catch the fuckers out, shifting his voice to sound like they had said the wrong thing. For the first time in a long time, Negan felt scared. He fucking hated it. The past needed to stay where it was. It was easier that way.

“Me and my sister.” My sister and I, he thought. Cassandra fucking hated it when he corrected her grammar, Grace used to find it funny. He wondered if she said it on purpose, but she was on 13 years old, Cass probably didn’t have the chance to teach her. He supposed didn’t really fucking matter anymore anyway.

“What was the very last thing I said to you?” This was it. This was fucking it. If she couldn’t answer it then their shitty god damn fucking joke was over and he could make them pay for chasing him with fucking ghosts. No one else knew. Just his Gracie.

“You? Uh – the last thing?” She was stalling. Fuck. He was right. 

“The very last thing.” Negan told himself it was a good thing they were all dead. It was. Fuck.

“I don’t- “ She didn’t know. It was over.

Just as Negan was about to launch on what might later  known as the most brutal fucking verbal assault in the fucking history of the universe, she spoke again.

“We were on the bus. And you got through on the phone somehow. You told us to get out of the city.  That it was happening at home too so not to come back. But then a geek almost got Cass and I dropped the phone.  When I got back to it you weren’t there. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

He remembered the screams, he couldn’t tell who the voices belonged to, not until Grace screamed Cassandra’s name. He had never felt so helpless, all he could do was call for them both and tell them how much he loved them over and over. The line went dead and he though he had lost them both. Lucile died the next day.

Her voice cracks as she speaks and it makes his own chest tighten. How impossible were the odds that she would make it this way, after all this time? How long had she been so close to him without him knowing? His fucking kid was alive. And she had found him.

“Gracie. It’s okay. It’s gonna be alright now.”

Clearing his throat because he was fucked if he was gonna cry in a damn cab surrounded by people who wanted him dead, he took back control of his mind and figured out what the fuck was going to happen next. This was what he knew. He was fucking good at it.

He fucking hated the position it had put him in.  Some sorry shit had something over him, something they could fucking use against him if they had half a mind to do it. On the plus side, this Travis person – if that was even his name – was terrified, but he didn’t know anything about the other men. He had to hope that was enough. 

“Still with me?”

“Yeah.” She was strong. She had to be. Not much longer and he would be able to keep her safe. Something he should have fucking done from the beginning.

“In a minute I want you to hand the radio back and those men are gonna take you home okay? It’s a big ol’ factory you wont miss it. They take you anywhere else you threaten them okay? You tell them that I wont stop until they’re all fucking dead. Got that?

“Gonna hand you over to someone called Simon.  He has one hell of a moustache - he’ll keep you safe okay? Stay with him, do what he says and I’ll come get you as soon as I can.”

That was his best plan. It was shitty. Too many god damn holes, too many things that could fucking go wrong. But he had to have faith in his reputation and the world he had built from fucking scratch.  He was Negan for fucks sake.

“Wait.” Shit. What now?

“What is it?”

“I wanna - can I ask you a question?” Negan sighed in relief. It was hard not being able to see what was going on on the other end. He hated not being in control.

“Alright. Shoot.”

“When’s my birthday?”

His kid was smart. So fucking smart. Fucking brave too. Negan was so fucking proud in that moment. He hadn’t given her any reason to trust his word yet and instead of blindly following along there she was standing up for herself even when she was outnumbered. She wanted him to prove who he was. She didn’t want to walk into some trap either.

“August 15th. You turned 21 last week.”

He wondered if she even fucking knew how old she was. If she really was on her own, she probably had no fucking clue what the date was. It pulled at something inside of him. He was finally going to give her every-fucking-thing she deserved. 

“Okay.” The word hung in the air and all Negan could think of were all the fucking things he had to tell her. He didn’t want to do it over the damn radio though and he was well aware of how long he had been inside the truck. He needed to show his face out there again. Time to move things the fuck along.

“We’ll have time to talk later. Hand back the radio now for me.”

It only took a moment for the man to reply. He hoped he hadn’t heard everything. “This is Travis.”

“Travis you might just be my new best friend.” Use the carrot, then the stick. It had worked a million fucking times before. 

“So it is her?” He didn’t like the other man’s tone one fucking bit. He had to be careful. 

“Is she hurt?” He decided not to answer his question. Negan didn’t answer to any fucker no sir-ee. She was safer that way anyway. 

“She was limping a little, and she needs food and water.”

Negan ran his hand over his beard. He really did need a fucking shave. Carson would be able to fix her up so long as she actually got there.  

“Give her what you have for now. Take good fucking care of her Travis. I don’t think I need to tell you just how fucking important your day just got now do I?”

“No sir.” Now for the stick.

“and I don’t think I need to point out the consequences should you or any of your boys fuck it up do I?”

“No sir.”

“Good. Now, you’re gonna drive her back to the sanctuary and hand her over to Simon.  In person and only to Simon do you understand me?”

No room for questions, orders not requests. He’d spell out every last fucking word if he had to, he was Negan and he was in control

“Take her to Simon. Got it.” 

“You do it, do it right and I’ll make sure you get something good for your troubles alright?” Once it was all over he would have to reward them. Rewards for loyalty keep them loyal. This was the biggest fucking test of that he could possibly think of. He hoped he’d done enough.

“Thank you Negan.”

“Don’t you dare let me down.” 

When Travis signed off Negan took a deep fucking breath and forced his body to relax. He had shit to do and it wasn’t going to do its-fucking-self. He wasn’t going to make it back until tonight. He needed to make sure Simon was ready for shit to go down.

Flicking the radio to channel 1 he called out. “Simon, you there?”

It only took a short moment for him to get a reply.  “Boss?”

“I need you to clear your schedule. I got a job for you.”

“Run go okay?” He could always depend on Simon.  He was always on the lookout for the next fuck up so he could fix it before it turned into a total clusterfuck. He was smart.

“Don’t fucking worry about that. One of the outpost boys – Travis? He’s bringing someone to you. I need you to look after her till I get back.”

“Sure. Who is it?” Simon never asked stupid questions, never whined like a little bitch. He got his head down and got the fuck on with it. 

“My girl Gracie.”

“You sure?” Negan huffed a laugh, the fucking coot was as paranoid as he was. It served them both well.

“About as sure as I fucking can be over a damn radio which is why I’m telling you so you can get ready. If it’s a trap then shut it down and throw the sorry shits in the cells – kill ‘em if you have to. But if it isn’t I need you to keep her safe ‘til I get back.”

“Okay boss.” 

“He’s on channel 7.”

“Got it.” Simple, easy, done. Why was it so hard for every fucker else?

In the silence that surrounded him, he ran through everything that had just happened.  Was he fucking missing something? Was this even fucking real? His girl was alive for fucks sake. That meant something. Things were going to have to change a little to make room, to keep her safe. 

When he couldn’t think of anything else he could do, Negan psyched himself up for another dramatic entrance. He needed to speed things along and if Rick still hadn’t found the fucking guns he was just going to have to kill someone. He now had somewhere he’d rather be so the sooner this shit was dealt with the better. 

Swinging the door open he planted his feet firmly on the asphalt and smiled widely. Things were only looking up. 

“Tick tock Rick.  Times running out!”

[justjdm]

You Scared of Me Now, Babydoll? (Part 6)

Pairing: Negan x Reader

Summary: Negan has a surprise for you, but things don’t go the way you planned

Word Count: 2,791

Warning(s): Language A/N: Finally a lengthy chapter to thank you all for waiting patiently! I wanted to have a little mentions to the reader’s past in this chapter so it just ended up kinda long. There is also quotes from the show in this chapter, but I didn’t quite make it go the exact way it happened in the show, so I apologize for continuity errors! Masterlist is here. Enjoy!

Three loud knocks rapped on your door.

You sat up, incredibly confused because there was no light streaming through your window. No one normally came to wake you up this early and you began to wonder if something was wrong.

You sat up quickly and approached the door cautiously. You took a deep breath and held it before opening it.

“Hope I didn’t catch you in the middle of a wet dream, darlin’.”

You let out a sigh of relief.

“Jesus, Negan. The sun’s not even up yet!”

He smirked, leaning on your doorframe.

“So this is what you wear to bed...gotta admit, I was kind of fuckin’ hoping it was nothing.” He looked over you in your tanktop and underwear. You suddenly felt self-conscious.

“What do you want?” Your tone was growing impatient. It was way too early for this.

“Get dressed and meet me outside by the gates, but don’t take too fuckin’ long.”

He gave you a final wink and left you standing at your door, still reeling in bewilderment.

The air outside was close to freezing and the thin jacket you were wearing wasn’t really cutting it. You started to wonder if Negan’s ‘surprise’ was really worth getting up this early.

When you reached the front gates, you saw Negan talking to a group of men standing in front of several vans that looked packed and ready to go. His eyes quickly darted to you when he saw you approaching.

“Well, well, there’s my girl! You ready to head out?”

“Where are we going?” you frowned.

“Seeing if you can fuckin’ handle a run. Now, come on.”

Negan whistled at his men to disperse and waved you over. They all climbed into the trucks and you followed Negan to one. 

Your heart began racing. Finally you were getting a taste of the outside world again. He trusted you enough to come with him, or rather he was seeing if he could trust you. He was finally giving you a chance.

You climbed into the passenger seat, almost grinning from ear to ear. Negan entered on the driver’s side and glanced over to you as he buckled himself in.

“Well shit, if I had known this would make you this happy I would’ve done this a long time ago.”

“I didn’t think pleasing people was your strong suit.”

“Darlin’ you wish you could see the pleasing I can do.”

You leaned back into your seat, quickly turning to the window so he couldn't see your blushing cheeks.

You heard him chuckle to himself and start the engine, the truck roaring to life. You watched as several vans pulled out of Sanctuary and your van followed them past the gates and down the road. You drove down the dirt path for a few minutes and you watched as it slowly began to get lighter outside. It was nice to see the sunrise again and it had been several months since you had taken a ride in a vehicle.

“You're sure fuckin’ quiet. You nervous or something?”

Negan finally broke the silence, taking his eyes off the road to glance over to you.

“No, I'm fine. Just glad to get out that's all.”

“Well I'm sorry to keep you cooped up like some caged bird or something. It's just that I've had a lot of runs go wrong with a lot of different people, so I'm a little fuckin’ cautious about who I send out.”

You nodded quickly. “No, I totally understand...I really do appreciate this Negan.”

“It's nothin’ darlin’. Just don't fuck it up, that's all.”

You both drove in silence until the sun had fully risen and you wondered how much longer it would take. You stared out the window, watching the trees roll by. Despite more than half of the entire population being dead, you were surprised how beautiful nature still was. The leaves and flowers still bloomed, the birds still sang, and the sun kept on shining. It was just the humanity that had died. Along with civilization itself. 

Just when you had about nodded off, you felt the truck come to a stop.

“You ready, babydoll’?” Negan smiled, opening his door and jumping down from the truck. You followed, quickly unstrapping your seatbelt.

Negan swung Lucille over his shoulder and you followed him to a set of large gates. A group of men followed you, including another rather scary looking woman with dark curly hair, tied up and dyed blonde at the ends.

Negan approached the entrance and ran Lucille along the iron gating, much like a child running a stick along a fence.

“Little pigs, little pigs! Let. Me. In!” he called.

You all stood for a few minutes with no response.

“Not a way to treat your guests, now is it?”

After what seemed like forever, the gates shrieked loudly as they opened. A tall man with brown hair and stubble stood at the gates, practically glaring at Negan.

“Um, who are you?”

Negan took a dangerous step closer to him and gripped Lucille tighter. An amused smile curled his lips.

“Oh, you have got to be jokin’. I’m Negan, this is Lucille.” He gestured to the barbed bat on his shoulder. “I know I had to make a strong first impression.”

The man frowned, sighed, and stepped aside to let you all in. You followed Negan and were immediately in awe of the large neighborhood. It almost looked untouched from the apocalypse and it reminded you of what suburban life was like before everything went to shit.

“What is this place?” you whispered.

“Alexandria. I’m actually really thankful I ran into these sorry shits. This place is fucking great. And not to mention, they’re fucking terrified of me. They provide for us.”

You nodded, following Negan to the center cul-de-sac that served as the center of the camp.

“Alright, you guys go check out houses and see if they’ve brought us any more supplies. Don’t be afraid to bust the fuckin’ doors down if they don’t answer,” Negan directed. “Y/N and Arat, you two come with me.”

You and the girl with curly hair stepped forward and followed him.

You were really surprised how well whoever ran this camp kept up the place. The security was impressive, and you hadn’t even heard walkers outside the giant metal walls. Staring at the way the rays sunlight splayed across the vinyl sidings of all of the houses...you could see yourself living here. Or at least living here before the End of Days.

You came to a house with a large set of stairs and another set leading down into a basement.

“Ladies, if you could go down and check out the inventory.”

You and Arat nodded, heading down the steps into the basement.

A larger woman with glasses and dark hair was already inside, checking off things from a blue notebook. She jumped when you two entered.

“C-Can I help you?” The woman had a sweet voice and seemed rather panicky.

“Yeah, by giving me the damn clipboard and letting me do my job,” Arat spat, approaching her and taking the book from her hands.

You frowned. That was completely unnecessary. You hadn’t even known Arat for more than two seconds and you already thought she was a rude bitch.

The woman retreated to the other corner of the room, watching you both intently.

“Y/N,” Arat started, not even looking up from the notebook, “you’re originally from the armory right? Get to checking these guns and see if they’re all here.”

You approached the first rack, calling out the names and makes of each weapon out to Arat. She placed a check next to each item that was in inventory. After you told her the last rifle on the rack, you heard her hiss quietly. She quickly turned to the woman in the corner.

“Really, lady? Was it that hard to do your fucking job?”

“What are you talking about?” the woman stuttered.

“Well then, you can tell the boss why you’re so incompetent.”

Arat walked over and grabbed the woman roughly by the arm and dragged her towards the stairs.

“Jesus, Arat!” you called after her, following them both back outside.

Arat pushed Olivia towards Negan when she reached the top of the stairs. The woman stuttered ‘please no, I don’t know’.

Negan gave a stern look to Arat.

“Arat, we don’t do that unless they do something to deserve it.”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “We went through the inventory. The guns in the armory, the guns that are out on the walls...they’re short. A glock 9 and a 32 bobcat.”

She handed the notebook to Negan and the woman watched him nervously as he flipped through the pages.

“Is that right?”

“Yes,” the woman swallowed nervously, “The inventory is correct.”

“Good...but not so good, too.” Negan took a step closer. “You see, what’s in here...isn’t in there. You’re two handguns short. Do you know where they are?”

The woman shook her head quickly.

“That’s disappointing. This shows that someone’s not on board and I can’t fucking have that.”

He glowered down at her. She continued to cower in fear.

“I don’t enjoy killing women. Men, I can fucking waste all the live long, but the end of the day, Olivia my dear, this was your responsibility.”

“Jesus Negan, just stop it!” you finally piped up, surprised at the tone of your own voice.

Negan stopped and turned to you, a glare in his eyes.

“Do not tell me what to do right now, Y/N. This shit’s life and death around here.”

Olivia gave a quick look to you and back to Negan, who was still incredibly close to her.

You swallowed, taking a step forward.

“I know, but there has to be another way. Please don’t kill her, we will find those guns.”

Negan sighed, regaining his composure and leaning back from Olivia, “I’ll let this one slide. For now, only because I’m in a good mood today. Be thankful that my wife must fuckin’ like you, Olivia.”

Olivia nodded quickly, looking over to you with a thankful look in her eyes.

“Now what do you suppose we do about finding those guns, Y/N?”

In all honesty, you didn’t know. You didn’t know these people at all. For all you knew, someone could have stolen them or went on a run and took them with them. All you knew was that you had to think of something quickly.

“What the hell is going on here?”

A voice broke your concentration and thankfully the situation you were in. You all turned around to a man quickly approaching you.

“Rick, my fuckin’ man! ‘Bout time you got out here.”

Your heart almost stopped beating in your chest. You were surprised you didn’t become a walker right then and there.

“Rick?” you breathed, your voice barely an audible whisper.

Rick stopped cold in his tracks and stared at you.

“Y/N.”

“Woah, am I fucking missing something here?” Negan stepped forward and stood beside you.

An awkward silence hung in the air because neither you or Rick knew what to say. What was there to say?

“Do y’all fucking know each other?”

More silence filled the air as Arat, Olivia, and anyone else passing by stopped and watched you three intently.

Rick finally nodded, his eyes still wide in shock.

“May I ask how?”

You looked down to the ground, thousands of memories flooding back to you.

“I um, used to be part of their group.”

Negan leaned back, a dumbfounded expression spreading across his face.

“No fuckin’ shit! You’re telling me that out of all the people left in the goddamn world, you know this motherfucker?”

“Yes.”

Negan gave a hearty laugh, even slapping his knee a few times for comical effect.

“That is really rich! I can’t believe you used to be apart of these sorry shits. Boy, you’ve changed, Y/N!”

Rick finally took a step forward. Even he looked terrified in front of Negan. Rick was one of the strongest people you knew.

“Negan, can I please speak to Y/N in private?”

Negan calmed down from his laugh, wiping a tear from his eye.

“And why do you think you can speak to my wife in private?”

You could see Rick flinch at the word from the corner of your eye.

“Negan, please. It’s okay.” you reached out and touched his arm gently, giving him a pleading stare.

He looked down at you, sighed, and waved you away.

“Fuck, darlin’. I’m not happy about it, but if you really want to...bring Arat with you. And make it fuckin’ quick, we’ve still got shit to do.”

You wanted to roll your eyes at the thought of Arat listening to your conversation but you nodded. You and Arat followed Rick down the street while Negan and a group of men headed towards another group of houses.

You approached a large house and followed Rick up the porch. Arat stood at the front of the stairs facing the street.

You were both quiet, staring at eachother. He almost looked the exact same as you had seen him last. His beard was kept trim and his brown curls ended just below his ears. But God, he just looked so tired. As if he had seen so much more loss. More than he already had.

You wanted to say something. Anything.

“How’s Judith? And Carl?” You started, the only thing you could muster up saying.

He nodded, barely skipping a beat.

“They’re fine.”

“Good.”

That uncomfortable silence hung over you both again before Rick finally stepped towards you.

“Y/N, how could you be with him? Do you know what he’s done to us?” his voice was low, his southern drawl rolling out like crumpled velvet.

“Honestly, Rick, no. I haven’t heard a thing until we came here today. I didn’t even know you were here. I mean, this place Rick! This is so much better than the prison.”

“I know, we’ve done pretty well since you left.”

You closed your eyes, feeling the pain you had put behind you so long ago.

“Rick, I had to leave. You know that.”

“But you didn’t just leave us, Y/N....you left me.”

You sighed, and you could feel tears begin to well up in your eyes. Rick could’ve been dead this entire time for all you knew. You never thought you would be standing in front of him again.

“I can’t do this right now.” You turned to leave but Rick reached for your arm.

“I thought you were dead, Y/N. And now you’re, what, married to the son of a bitch who did this to us? The reason we’re all living in fear? As if it wasn’t enough for us to be running for our lives from walkers...now we have to be afraid of him?”

You spun around, staring into his gorgeous blue eyes.

“I’m not married to him...it’s complicated. This whole thing is complicated, okay? I was doing fine on my own until I was sort of kidnapped into this. The Saviors don’t mess around when it comes to letting people join them. It’s either join or die, you know that Rick.”

He softened his grip on you, looking down to the ground. You felt that he understood what you meant. You knew Rick was a leader. You just wondered how Negan had broken him.

“You look good, Y/N. I’m just glad you’re alive.”

“You too Rick.”

He closed his eyes, and you could see the pain across his face. You wondered if being dead would’ve caused him this much pain, and if this pain you were causing him right now was any better.

“Well, um. I probably should go. I’m so sorry, Rick.”

You muttered quickly, not even turning to look at him again. You walked down the stairs, past Arat, and all the way past Negan, who was waiting at the cul-de-sac. You approached a group of men who were lifting boxes into the truck and began to help them load up. You didn’t even look over to Negan.

~  ~  ~

Arat approached Negan, her attitude growing as she was impatient and ready to leave. 

“Well what the fuck was that all about? What happened?”

Arat shrugged, crossing her arms.

“Sounded like they used to be a thing or something. It sounded pretty pathetic, to be honest.”

Arat had never seen Negan’s face turn into a scowl so fast. She was sure a vein was going to pop out of his temple. He clenched his fists, swinging Lucille over his shoulder.

“Days over, everyone pack the fuck up!!” he bellowed.

Taglist: @haley-the-human @certifiedtwdtrash @elinyaes @e-jupiter-s @finally-clean-in-wonderland @namelesslosers @frobert20 @miiraal @lilablauerhimmel @negans-network @littlemisscaptainfandom @girlmeetsbullshit @meanandshallow @ashleygryan @completelymarveltrash @jmackie1983 @trinswhimsys @gallifreyansass @morganpierce @kaitlinlexieporrini @me0wsarah @queen-leo-1999 @michaelslkitten @jaylaelizabethw

[darknesscall-rp]

✖ full name: Peter Pettigrew ✖ age: 18 ✖ preferred pronouns: He/him ✖ affiliation: Order of the Phoenix ✖ occupation: Cashier at Magical Menagerie ✖ blood status: Half-blood ✖ former house: Gryffindor

✖ checked information (x) ✖ face claim: Thomas Brodie-Sangster

(recollected by Rita Skeeter. Sources can be less than reliable.)

✖ Peter is a nice guy, yes, but he should learn to stand up for himself. Sometimes it seems he would be a bit lost without the other guys. ✖ Apparently he’s a bacon enthusiast. Well, who isn’t really? ✖ He’s actually a bit strange. It’s almost impossible to know what’s going on with him. Maybe he’s a serial killer or something.

Andrew Pettigrew met Eliza in a bar, one of the first muggle bars he had ever been too. She was a quirky character, tapping her finger rhythmically the entire date. She seemed to tell him everything about her on their first date– even going as far to explain that she was a perfectionist. Andrew loved how outright she was, it was such a contrast to his distant self. While he learned nearly everything about her, she knew almost nothing of him. Naturally, Eliza prodded and begged, asking him about everything. Eventually, he told her that he loved her and he was a wizard. For some reason, Eliza considered this to be some kind of blessing or reward for how she’d lived her life. A year or two later, and the pair were married and expecting.

When Eliza and Andrew Pettigrew were rushed to the hospital on the 13th of January, Eliza was hysterical. She refused, she said it was too early to have the baby and he wasn’t due for a few days. Eliza begged her husband not to let her son be born on such an unlucky day, she refused to let that burden be carried by her son. In fact, Eliza held on for three hours before the little boy finally insisted on being born. Peter was then welcomed into a childhood of outcast and superstition. While Andrew had been a reward, Peter was a burden. Peter’s mother had always wanted to have lots of children, but after Peter she was far too scared. Because of her superstitions of his birthdate, Peter was sheltered for most of his childhood.

An average day for Peter often consisted of his mother waking him up at exactly 7:07am every morning, making him breakfast and lunch, kissing his head seven times, and sending him to school with the reminder ‘don’t you dare step on those cracks!’ At first it was all a fun game, Peter would explain his mother’s crazy mannerisms to friends at school. Eventually, they started using words like weird and stupid to describe both his mother and him. Peter began to resent his mother for forcing this behavior on him, he hated that the way he walked and talked mattered so much. Rather than let others at school or in the neighborhood see it, Peter spent most of his time alone.

As for Peter’s father, he was long gone at this point. Eliza drew him insane pretty quickly. He couldn’t take the constant nagging and reminding to do everything in counts of seven, her micromanaging breaking into his personal time. All the things he once loved about her, he now hated. Thus, at the age of seven Peter was left without a father and remained with his crazy mother. It didn’t help that around age five, Peter started showing small signs of magic and Eliza was drawn into even more hysteria, worried that her unlucky boy would use her reward for bad.

The day Peter turned eleven continues to be one of the best days of his life. He received a letter inviting him to Hogwarts, this magical place for kids with powers like him. This magical escape from his broken home. Peter practically ran and never looked back. While here, he met some of the best people of his life. Almost immediately Peter befriended James, Sirius, and Remus. These boys defined who he was, they invited Peter and his awkward self into a ring of friendship he hadn’t seen before. At first, Peter was awful at friendship. His social skills were in the dump and he had far too many personal rituals that others found weird and annoying. Eventually he began to shake a few of those, and starting understanding body language.

From there, it was pretty simply for Peter. Academics were okay for him, as Peter was the kind of person who was never exceptionally good at things. Peter always had an easy time remembering spells and dates and things, but he could never quite remember the movements that went with things. His body was beyond him, something he still didn’t quite understand. Sometime around his fifth year, Peter started to take an interest in Herbology. It seemed that after years of having to stay after class to be untangled from something allowed for a better understanding of the subject. Especially given that the majority of it stemmed from memory– remembering the behavior of plants, how to treat them, and different facts. Of course, Peter still gets tangled with the vines from time to time.

Peter always considered himself to be a caring person, and he often jumped at the opportunity to help his closest of friends. When news got out that Remus was a werewolf, the other boys started instantly making a plan. They wanted to approach Remus with the idea of animagus– or, wizards transforming into animals at will. It was serious magic and would take a lot of practice and research, but they were dedicated. Peter was immediately on board. Even so, this was the hardest magic he had ever encountered. Peter himself was not a powerful wizard, making it extremely difficult to get even close to such. When he finally did turn, Peter was kind of angry. Arat, of all things. Like many other things in his life, Peter sighed and blamed it on his bad luck.

The thought of an impending war does nothing but scare Peter. He is, after all, an impulsive person and joined the Order almost instantly. After a day, he felt sick. Although he was still in school and he was not actually doing any of the fighting, Peter was still horrified. What if he died? What if all that bad luck finally caught up to him? There’s always been that fear within him that his crazy mother was right– that Peter was destined to screw everyone over. Everytime he goes home, he has panic attacks about living up to exactly what his mother feared. Although she acts proud of him, he can tell she still fears him even now as she’s getting worse and worse.

After graduation, Peter considered moving back in with his mother to help her. She wasn’t very old, but her mind was leaving her much faster than most. It only took one week for Peter to realize there was no way he could do it. As quickly as he could, Peter set out to get a job and an apartment. He told himself he would visit her, and he would help her if she needed anything. Then again, Peter loved to avoid his problems.

With the war quickly approaching, Peter finds himself wavering more and more. Maybe it’s graduation, or maybe his friends are finally getting tired of him, but Peter has this intense fear that everyone is leaving. He honestly wouldn’t blame them, he is bad luck after all. Overall, Peter’s head his shifting very quickly through three different feelings. First, he is intensely afraid that his friends are abandoning him. Secondly, dying, even for a cause such as this, is the worst fear he could think of. Finally, Peter is far too afraid of becoming exactly what his mother feared on the day she was born.

The Marauders: Best friends, trusts them with his life. Lily Evans, Emmeline Vance: Close friends.  Alastor Moody: Intimidated by. Gaspard, Sophia Wilkes: Acquaintances, curious about.  Mary MacDonald: School friend. Marcus Avery, Rabastan Lestrange: Scared of.

[lifeofresulullah]

The Life of The Prophet Muhammad(pbuh): First Migration, the Year of Sorrow, the Splitting of the Moon

Hazrat Umar- the Fortieth Muslim

(6th Year of the Prophethood, month of Dhulhijjah / 616)

The joining of Hazrat Hamzah, an incomparable hero, to the ranks of Muslims and the immigration of a group of Muslims to Abyssinia caused the polytheists of Quraysh to become lost in deep thought. A great worry and fear started to consume their lives.

They all had the same decision set in their minds: to solve the matter regarding Abu Talib’s orphan, Muhammad, once and for all.

The Quraysh organized their talks on this matter at Daru’n Nadwa. After their fiery and intense discussions, Abu Jahl’s proposal was accepted: “to annihilate Muhammad’s body.”

Who could dare to attempt such a fearsome murder? A possible vendetta administered by the Sons of Hashim was also a point of matter to be considered.

Some were even making bold promises. For example, Abu Jahl promised, “Whoever kills Muhammad will receive 100 red and black camels, this much gold, this much silver, etc from me.”

Nobody could find the courage to commit this appalling deed. However, there was someone from among them who did; he was tall, had an imposing build, and never bowed before anyone, He came forward and said, “I will do it.”

At one moment, all eyes turned towards this fearless man, who had come forth. They saw that he was Umar, the Son of Hattab. The Qurayshis were confident that Umar was more than capable; thus, they all said, “Yes, only you can do this. Let us see what you can do!” in unison.

Umar was fixed in his decision: he was going to go straight to Darul Arqam, find our Holy Prophet (PBUH), and execute his decision.

After Umar looked around in a furious manner with his eyes that had become bloodshot red, he went directly towards the Kaaba and circumambulated it. Afterwards, he walked towards Darul Arqam with deep feelings of animosity and aggression.

It was very obvious that he was on a mission to fulfill some goal. On his way, he encountered Hazrat Nuaym bin Abdullah, a relative who had become Muslim but concealed his faith. Hazrati Nuaym could not help asking questions when he noticed the apparent change seen in Hazrat Umar’s attitude: “Where are you going, O Umar?”

Hazrat Umar replied without showing any need to conceal his purpose, “I’m going to eliminate Muhammad, the one who has instilled disunity among the Quraysh!”

Hazrat Nuaym went cold all over upon hearing this dreadful decision and looked for ways to dissuade him from this idea. “By God, you are embarking on a very difficult affair. Muhammad’s companions never leave his side for the slightest moment. It is very difficult to find a way. Let us say that you were able to find a way and killed him. Do you think that the Sons of Abd al-Manaf would allow you to roam freely on the face of the Earth?”

Umar looked at his addressee sternly and asked “Or are you on his side as well?”

However, he received an unexpected answer: “O Umar, forget about me; return to your family and community. Your brother-in-law and uncle’s son, Said bin Zayd and his wife, your sister, Fatima, have submitted to Muhammad’s religion. Go and deal with them first!”

Hazrat Umar was bewildered and worried. He did not want to believe what he had heard. In fact, it looked as if he did not even find the need to investigate. However, he could not overcome the doubts that filled him; he changed his mind halfway down the road and went straight towards his sister’s home.

In the meantime, the altruistic Companion, Habbab bin Arat, was reciting the chapter Taha, which had just been revealed, to Hazrat Said and Hazrat Fatima.

Hazrart Umar heard this sounds when he neared his sister’s home. He furiously knocked on the door once or twice. When no one opened the door, he pushed against the door with his shoulder and rushed into the house with rage.

Hazrat Fatima had understood that the one furiously knocking on her door was her brother Umar; thus, she put away the pages of the Quran while Hazrat Habbab hid in a corner.

Hazrat Umar asked in a tone filled with much displeasure, “What was it that you were reading?”

When his brother-in-law replied with nervousness and worry, “It was nothing, we were just talking among ourselves”, Hazrat Umar’s anger and rage increased thoroughly. He held his brother-in-law, who innocently stood there, by his neck and said, “So that means what I have heard is true; you also converted to Muhammad’s religion, didn’t you?” as he hurled him to the ground. Hazrat Fatima attempted to save her husband. She also found herself on the ground after receiving a harsh punch. Hazrat Fatima understood that there was no point in concealing her faith any longer. She rose to her foot and shouted, “Do whatever you can, Umar! My husband and I are now Muslims. We have testified to Allah and His Messenger (PBUH).” She followed by reciting the Kalima  ash-Shahada, the affirmation of faith, and the room instantly rang with the magnificence of this oath.

It was an exemplary and heartbreaking sight. How could someone cruelly hit his sister and leave her drenched in blood for saying, “My Lord is Allah”? What hardened heart would not soften and what conscience would not come to reason in the sight of a person who continues shouting her cause despite being in a welter of blood?

Umar was suddenly taken aback. He felt as if his heart was fluctuating. He could not stand on his feet any longer; thus, he sat down. After thinking deeply for some time, he said, “Bring me what you were reading so that I can see what Muhammad says.”

At first, Hazrat Fatima was hesitant. She was afraid that her brother would attempt to defame the pages of the Holy Quran. However, Umar ceased her worries by saying, “Do not be afraid.”

Yet, she could only give the pages of the Quran to those who were purified and because Umar was still an adherent of polytheism, he was not considered to be spiritually clean.

Therefore, Hazrat Fatima said, “My Brother, you are not considered to be clean because you are an adherent of a faith that associates partners to Allah. Only those who are clean can touch it. Rise and wash yourself.”

Hazrat Umar rose and bathed himself by performing a full ablution (ghsul) over his body. Upon this, Hazrat Fatima took the pages of the Quran with the utmost respect and handed them to him.

Hazrat Umar was a scribe; therefore, he knew how to read and write (not many people during his time had these skills.) He began reading the page he held in his hands from the beginning to its end:

“Ta Ha. We have not sent down the Qur'ân unto you (O Muhammad SAW) to cause you distress, But only as a Reminder to those who fear (Allâh). A revelation from Him Who created the earth and the heavens on high.” 

Hazrat Umar both read and reflected upon these verses. He was baffled in the face of the timeless and literary eloquence of the Holy Quran. It was as if he was not the same Umar, who had firmly grasped the handle of his sword, intending to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH). The insensitivity in his heart and the anger seen on his face had both disappeared. His eyes that had been bloodshot were now gleaming with light. His inner being was smiling along with his face. When he read the verse, ” "Verily I am Allah: there is no god but I: so serve thou Me, (only) and establish regular prayer for celebrating My praise” (2) of the chapter, he shouted: “This is such a beautiful, honorable, and sublime remark! No remark can be sweeter and more beautiful than this!”

This expression was proof that his heart had attained both guidance and luminance.

Hazrat Habbab, who had heard Hazrat Umar’s words, came out from his hiding spot and said, “Glad tidings, O Umar. I hope the prayer that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) made on your behalf will come true. Last night he prayed, “My Lord, strengthen Islam through either Abu’l-Hakam bin Hisham (Abu Jahl) or Umar bin Hattab.”

Umar bin Hattab and Abu’l-Hakem Amr bin Hisham (Abu Jahl): One of them (Abu Jahl) had proposed for the Master of the Universe (PBUH) to be murdered since that would have been the only way through which the Islamic cause could be hindered, whereas the other, Hazrat Umar, had accepted this proposal and rose to carry out this decision.

The negative perceptions that Hazrat Umar had previously held about Islam and our Holy Prophet (PBUH) had now completely shifted. He wanted to go to our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) presence and feel the warm embrace of his light as soon as possible. He asked, “Where is Allah’s Apostle?”

When he learned that our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was at Darul-Arqam, the outskirts of Mount Safa, he immediately set off on his way with Hazrat Habbab.

A watchman informed our Holy Prophet (PBUH) that Hazrat Umar had come with a sword on his waist. An air of worry and nervousness beset upon everyone with the exception of Hazrat Hamza. This great Islamic hero grasped his sword and said, “Let him come. What is there to be scared of? If he has come with good intentions, then we will welcome him with benevolence. If he has come with bad intentions, then we will dispose of him with his own sword.”

Smiles appeared on the Master of the Universe’s (PBUH) face as he watched the scene before him. He had received news that Umar’s heart had been embraced by the light of guidance. Without getting worried or nervous at all, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, “There is nothing to be worried about, let him come. If Allah desires beneficence for him, then He will deliver him in the right direction.”

The door opened upon this command. Umar, who was waiting in front of that door, entered with his imposing appearance and weapon. There was not a trace of anger that could be seen on his face; instead, his face radiated with a glisten of love. His eyes were searching for the light of both truth and reality. At one moment, he came eye-to-eye with our Holy Prophet (PBUH). It was as if he was going to pass out in the face of our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) grandeur. He forgot about everything. Our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) light-filled glances had deeply grasped Hazrat Umar under their influence.

After they looked at one another for some time, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) disrupted Hazrat Umar’s air of nervousness, silence, and worry by asking, “Why did you come, O Hattab’s Son, Umar?” Afterwards, he extended his hand and held his sword by its handle and prayed, “O My Lord, this is Hattab’s Son, Umar. My Lord, strengthen the religion of Islam with Umar, Son of Hattab (Umar bin Hattab).

Hazrat Umar’s soul had given rein to the Sun of Guidance. He answered our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) question by saying, “I have come to testify to Allah and His Apostle and what he has brought.” Afterwards, he recited the Kalima  ash-Shahada, the oath of faith, and became a Muslim. 

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and his companions were immensely happy. In unison, they all recited the Takbir loudly: Allahu Akbar… Allahu Akbar! (Allah is Great, Allah is Great!)

These sounds of Takbir that were heard on the streets of Mecca rang in the horizon and from there, rose to the skies as waves filled with light.

Hazrat Umar had become a Muslim, in fact, he became the 40th Muslim. From thereon, his bravery, courage, and strength were no longer in the way of disbelief. He was going to exercise these qualities for the sake of Islam. Umar, who had run forth to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH) upon the decision of the polytheists, was now like a fan circulating around him. Now that Hazrat Umar had a perpetual power, which resulted from having faith, added to his valor, he would challenge and intimidate the polytheists from thereon. By receiving light and illumination through our Holy Prophet (PBUH), he would be known by the title, “Umar, the Just” in the world history.

Entering Masjid-al-Haram in Ranks

Hazrat Umar, whose real source of courage resided in his faith, could no longer stay put in his place. He asked our Holy Prophet (PBUH), “O Allah’s Apostle, whether we die or live, are we not in the true religion? When our Holy Prophet (PBUH) replied, “Yes, I swear by Allah in whose hand is my soul that you are”, Umar said, “In that case, why do we continue to conceal out faith? I swear by Allah Who has sent you with the religion of truth that I will bravely go to every assembly of polytheism and announce Islam without fear and hesitation.”

Upon this, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) set towards the Kaaba from Daru’l-Arqam, with Hazrat Umar on his right, Hazrat Hamza on his left, and the other companions (sahaba) following them from behind.  They entered the Masjid al-Haram with dignified steps.

The polytheists, who were expecting our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) head, were surprised when they saw this sight. They were looking at Hazrat Umar and Hazrat Hamza with scared and nervous glances. They were able to gather their courage and ask, “O Umar, what is behind you? What did you come with?”

Hazrat Umar replied, “I came with La ilaha illalah Muhammadur Rasullulah. Nobody should move from his place or else I will cut his neck.”

The polytheists became silent. It was as if their tongues were tied.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) circumambulated the Kaaba and prayed freely. The Muslims were also able to pray openly.

Hazrat Umar said,

“It was then that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) gave me the name, “Faruq” for separating truth and falsehood.” 

Hazrat Hamza’s conversion to Islam followed by Hazrat Umar’s ensured Islam’s development, enabled Muslims to worship freely, and saved Muslims from the constraints imposed by the polytheists. In this regard, Hazrat Umar’s joining of ranks with the Muslims held an important place in Islamic history.  One of the companions, Hazrat Abdullah bin Masud made note of this importance, “When Umar became a Muslim, it was a conquest for Islam, an honor as well as a glory for the Muslims, His migration to Makkah was a victory, and his Caliphate was a mercy. Until Umar became a Muslim, we could not openly pray in the Kaaba’s courtyard.” 

[lifeofresulullah]

The Life of The Prophet Muhammad: First Migration, the Year of Sorrow, the Splitting of the Moon

Hazrat Umar- the Fortieth Muslim

(6th Year of the Prophethood, month of Dhulhijjah / 616)

The joining of Hazrat Hamzah, an incomparable hero, to the ranks of Muslims and the immigration of a group of Muslims to Abyssinia caused the polytheists of Quraysh to become lost in deep thought. A great worry and fear started to consume their lives.

They all had the same decision set in their minds: to solve the matter regarding Abu Talib’s orphan, Muhammad, once and for all.

The Quraysh organized their talks on this matter at Daru’n Nadwa. After their fiery and intense discussions, Abu Jahl’s proposal was accepted: “to annihilate Muhammad’s body.”

Who could dare to attempt such a fearsome murder? A possible vendetta administered by the Sons of Hashim was also a point of matter to be considered.

Some were even making bold promises. For example, Abu Jahl promised, “Whoever kills Muhammad will receive 100 red and black camels, this much gold, this much silver, etc from me.”

Nobody could find the courage to commit this appalling deed. However, there was someone from among them who did; he was tall, had an imposing build, and never bowed before anyone, He came forward and said, “I will do it.”

At one moment, all eyes turned towards this fearless man, who had come forth. They saw that he was Umar, the Son of Hattab. The Qurayshis were confident that Umar was more than capable; thus, they all said, “Yes, only you can do this. Let us see what you can do!” in unison.

Umar was fixed in his decision: he was going to go straight to Darul Arqam, find our Holy Prophet (PBUH), and execute his decision.

After Umar looked around in a furious manner with his eyes that had become bloodshot red, he went directly towards the Kaaba and circumambulated it. Afterward, he walked towards Darul Arqam with deep feelings of animosity and aggression.

It was very obvious that he was on a mission to fulfill some goals. On his way, he encountered Hazrat Nuaym bin Abdullah, a relative who had become Muslim but concealed his faith. Hazrati Nuaym could not help asking questions when he noticed the apparent change seen in Hazrat Umar’s attitude: “Where are you going, O Umar?”

Hazrat Umar replied without showing any need to conceal his purpose, “I’m going to eliminate Muhammad, the one who has instilled disunity among the Quraysh!”

Hazrat Nuaym went cold all over upon hearing this dreadful decision and looked for ways to dissuade him from this idea. “By God, you are embarking on a very difficult affair. Muhammad’s companions never leave his side for the slightest moment. It is very difficult to find a way. Let us say that you were able to find a way and killed him. Do you think that the Sons of Abd al-Manaf would allow you to roam freely on the face of the Earth?”

Umar looked at his addressee sternly and asked: “Or are you on his side as well?”

However, he received an unexpected answer: “O Umar, forget about me; return to your family and community. Your brother-in-law and uncle’s son, Said bin Zayd and his wife, your sister, Fatima, have submitted to Muhammad’s religion. Go and deal with them first!”

Hazrat Umar was bewildered and worried. He did not want to believe what he had heard. In fact, it looked as if he did not even find the need to investigate. However, he could not overcome the doubts that filled him; he changed his mind halfway down the road and went straight towards his sister’s home.

In the meantime, the altruistic Companion, Habbab bin Arat, was reciting the chapter Taha, which had just been revealed, to Hazrat Said and Hazrat Fatima.

Hazrat Umar heard this sounds when he neared his sister’s home. He furiously knocked on the door once or twice. When no one opened the door, he pushed against the door with his shoulder and rushed into the house with rage.

Hazrat Fatima had understood that the one furiously knocking on her door was her brother Umar; thus, she put away the pages of the Quran while Hazrat Habbab hid in a corner.

Hazrat Umar asked in a tone filled with much displeasure, “What was it that you were reading?”

When his brother-in-law replied with nervousness and worry, “It was nothing, we were just talking among ourselves”, Hazrat Umar’s anger and rage increased thoroughly. He held his brother-in-law, who innocently stood there, by his neck and said, “So that means what I have heard is true; you also converted to Muhammad’s religion, didn’t you?” as he hurled him to the ground. Hazrat Fatima attempted to save her husband. She also found herself on the ground after receiving a harsh punch. Hazrat Fatima understood that there was no point in concealing her faith any longer. She rose to her foot and shouted, “Do whatever you can, Umar! My husband and I are now Muslims. We have testified to Allah and His Messenger (PBUH).” She followed by reciting the Kalima ash-Shahada, the affirmation of faith, and the room instantly rang with the magnificence of this oath.

It was an exemplary and heartbreaking sight. How could someone cruelly hit his sister and leave her drenched in blood for saying, “My Lord is Allah”? What hardened heart would not soften and what conscience would not come to reason in the sight of a person who continues shouting her cause despite being in a welter of blood?

Umar was suddenly taken aback. He felt as if his heart was fluctuating. He could not stand on his feet any longer; thus, he sat down. After thinking deeply for some time, he said, “Bring me what you were reading so that I can see what Muhammad says.”

At first, Hazrat Fatima was hesitant. She was afraid that her brother would attempt to defame the pages of the Holy Quran. However, Umar ceased her worries by saying, “Do not be afraid.”

Yet, she could only give the pages of the Quran to those who were purified and because Umar was still an adherent of polytheism, he was not considered to be spiritually clean.

Therefore, Hazrat Fatima said, “My Brother, you are not considered to be clean because you are an adherent of a faith that associates partners to Allah. Only those who are clean can touch it. Rise and wash.”

Hazrat Umar rose and bathed himself by performing a full ablution (ghsul) over his body. Upon this, Hazrat Fatima took the pages of the Quran with the utmost respect and handed them to him.

Hazrat Umar was a scribe; therefore, he knew how to read and write (not many people during his time had these skills.) He began reading the page he held in his hands from the beginning to its end:

“Ta Ha. We have not sent down the Qur'ân unto you (O Muhammad SAW) to cause you distress, But only as a Reminder to those who fear (Allâh). A revelation from Him Who created the earth and the heavens on high.”

Hazrat Umar both read and reflected upon these verses. He was baffled in the face of the timeless and literary eloquence of the Holy Quran. It was as if he was not the same Umar, who had firmly grasped the handle of his sword, intending to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH). The insensitivity in his heart and the anger seen on his face had both disappeared. His eyes that had been bloodshot were now gleaming with light. His inner being was smiling along with his face. When he read the verse, ” "Verily I am Allah: there is no god but I: so serve thou Me, (only) and establish regular prayer for celebrating My praise” of the chapter, he shouted: “This is such a beautiful, honorable, and sublime remark! No remark can be sweeter and more beautiful than this!”

This expression was proof that his heart had attained both guidance and luminance.

Hazrat Habbab, who had heard Hazrat Umar’s words, came out from his hiding spot and said, “Glad tidings, O Umar. I hope the prayer that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) made on your behalf will come true. Last night he prayed, “My Lord, strengthen Islam through either Abu’l-Hakam bin Hisham (Abu Jahl) or Umar bin Hattab.”

Umar bin Hattab and Abu’l-Hakem Amr bin Hisham (Abu Jahl): One of them (Abu Jahl) had proposed for the Master of the Universe (PBUH) to be murdered since that would have been the only way through which the Islamic cause could be hindered, whereas the other, Hazrat Umar, had accepted this proposal and rose to carry out this decision.

The negative perceptions that Hazrat Umar had previously held about Islam and our Holy Prophet (PBUH) had now completely shifted. He wanted to go to our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) presence and feel the warm embrace of his light as soon as possible. He asked, “Where is Allah’s Apostle?”

When he learned that our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was at Darul-Arqam, the outskirts of Mount Safa, he immediately set off on his way with Hazrat Habbab.

A watchman informed our Holy Prophet (PBUH) that Hazrat Umar had come with a sword on his waist. An air of worry and nervousness beset upon everyone with the exception of Hazrat Hamza. This great Islamic hero grasped his sword and said, “Let him come. What is there to be scared of? If he has come with good intentions, then we will welcome him with benevolence. If he has come with bad intentions, then we will dispose of him with his own sword.”

Smiles appeared on the Master of the Universe’s (PBUH) face as he watched the scene before him. He had received news that Umar’s heart had been embraced by the light of guidance. Without getting worried or nervous at all, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, “There is nothing to be worried about, let him come. If Allah desires beneficence for him, then He will deliver him in the right direction.”

The door opened upon this command. Umar, who was waiting in front of that door, entered with his imposing appearance and weapon. There was not a trace of anger that could be seen on his face; instead, his face radiated with a glisten of love. His eyes were searching for the light of both truth and reality. At one moment, he came eye-to-eye with our Holy Prophet (PBUH). It was as if he was going to pass out in the face of our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) grandeur. He forgot about everything. Our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) light-filled glances had deeply grasped Hazrat Umar under their influence.

After they looked at one another for some time, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) disrupted Hazrat Umar’s air of nervousness, silence, and worry by asking, “Why did you come, O Hattab’s Son, Umar?” Afterward, he extended his hand and held his sword by its handle and prayed, “O My Lord, this is Hattab’s Son, Umar. My Lord, strengthen the religion of Islam with Umar, Son of Hattab (Umar bin Hattab).

Hazrat Umar’s soul had given rein to the Sun of Guidance. He answered our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) question by saying, “I have come to testify to Allah and His Apostle and what he has brought.” Afterward, he recited the Kalima  ash-Shahada, the oath of faith, and became a Muslim. 

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and his companions were immensely happy. In unison, they all recited the Takbir loudly: Allahu Akbar… Allahu Akbar! (Allah is Great, Allah is Great!)

These sounds of Takbir that were heard on the streets of Mecca rang in the horizon and from there, rose to the skies as waves filled with light.

Hazrat Umar had become a Muslim, in fact, he became the 40th Muslim. From thereon, his bravery, courage, and strength were no longer in the way of disbelief. He was going to exercise these qualities for the sake of Islam. Umar, who had run forth to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH) upon the decision of the polytheists, was now like a fan circulating around him. Now that Hazrat Umar had a perpetual power, which resulted from having faith, added to his valor, he would challenge and intimidate the polytheists from thereon. By receiving light and illumination through our Holy Prophet (PBUH), he would be known by the title, “Umar, the Just” in world history.

Entering Masjid-al-Haram in Ranks

Hazrat Umar, whose real source of courage resided in his faith, could no longer stay put in his place. He asked our Holy Prophet (PBUH), “O Allah’s Apostle, whether we die or live, are we not in the true religion? When our Holy Prophet (PBUH) replied, “Yes, I swear by Allah in whose hand is my soul that you are”, Umar said, “In that case, why do we continue to conceal out faith? I swear by Allah Who has sent you with the religion of truth that I will bravely go to every assembly of polytheism and announce Islam without fear and hesitation.”

Upon this, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) set towards the Kaaba from Daru’l-Arqam, with Hazrat Umar on his right, Hazrat Hamza on his left, and the other companions (sahaba) following them from behind.  They entered the Masjid al-Haram with dignified steps.

The polytheists, who were expecting our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) head, were surprised when they saw this sight. They were looking at Hazrat Umar and Hazrat Hamza with scared and nervous glances. They were able to gather their courage and ask, “O Umar, what is behind you? What did you come with?”

Hazrat Umar replied, “I came with La ilaha illalah Muhammadur Rasullulah. Nobody should move from his place or else I will cut his neck.”

The polytheists became silent. It was as if their tongues were tied.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) circumambulated the Kaaba and prayed freely. The Muslims were also able to pray openly.

Hazrat Umar said,

“It was then that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) gave me the name, “Faruq” for separating truth and falsehood.”

Hazrat Hamza’s conversion to Islam followed by Hazrat Umar’s ensured Islam’s development, enabled Muslims to worship freely, and saved Muslims from the constraints imposed by the polytheists. In this regard, Hazrat Umar’s joining of ranks with the Muslims held an important place in Islamic history.  One of the companions, Hazrat Abdullah bin Masud made note of this importance, “When Umar became a Muslim, it was a conquest for Islam, honor as well as a glory for the Muslims, His migration to Makkah was a victory, and his Caliphate was mercy. Until Umar became a Muslim, we could not openly pray in the Kaaba’s courtyard.” 

[lifeofresulullah]

The Life of The Prophet Muhammad: First Migration, the Year of Sorrow, the Splitting of the Moon

Hazrat Umar- The Fortieth Muslim

(6th Year of the Prophethood, month of Dhulhijjah / 616)

The joining of Hazrat Hamzah, an incomparable hero, to the ranks of Muslims and the immigration of a group of Muslims to Abyssinia caused the polytheists of Quraysh to become lost in deep thought. A great worry and fear started to consume their lives.

They all had the same decision set in their minds: to solve the matter regarding Abu Talib’s orphan, Muhammad, once and for all.

The Quraysh organized their talks on this matter at Daru’n Nadwa. After their fiery and intense discussions, Abu Jahl’s proposal was accepted: “to annihilate Muhammad’s body.”

Who could dare to attempt such a fearsome murder? A possible vendetta administered by the Sons of Hashim was also a point of matter to be considered.

Some were even making bold promises. For example, Abu Jahl promised, “Whoever kills Muhammad will receive 100 red and black camels, this much gold, this much silver, etc from me.”

Nobody could find the courage to commit this appalling deed. However, there was someone from among them who did; he was tall, had an imposing build, and never bowed before anyone, He came forward and said, “I will do it.”

At one moment, all eyes turned towards this fearless man, who had come forth. They saw that he was Umar, the Son of Hattab. The Qurayshis were confident that Umar was more than capable; thus, they all said, “Yes, only you can do this. Let us see what you can do!” in unison.

Umar was fixed in his decision: he was going to go straight to Darul Arqam, find our Holy Prophet (PBUH), and execute his decision.

After Umar looked around in a furious manner with his eyes that had become bloodshot red, he went directly towards the Kaaba and circumambulated it. Afterward, he walked towards Darul Arqam with deep feelings of animosity and aggression.

It was very obvious that he was on a mission to fulfill some goal. On his way, he encountered Hazrat Nuaym bin Abdullah, a relative who had become Muslim but concealed his faith. Hazrati Nuaym could not help asking questions when he noticed the apparent change seen in Hazrat Umar’s attitude: “Where are you going, O Umar?”

Hazrat Umar replied without showing any need to conceal his purpose, “I’m going to eliminate Muhammad, the one who has instilled disunity among the Quraysh!”

Hazrat Nuaym went cold all over upon hearing this dreadful decision and looked for ways to dissuade him from this idea. “By God, you are embarking on a very difficult affair. Muhammad’s companions never leave his side for the slightest moment. It is very difficult to find a way. Let us say that you were able to find a way and killed him. Do you think that the Sons of Abd al-Manaf would allow you to roam freely on the face of the Earth?”

Umar looked at his addressee sternly and asked: “Or are you on his side as well?”

However, he received an unexpected answer: “O Umar, forget about me; return to your family and community. Your brother-in-law and uncle’s son, Said bin Zayd and his wife, your sister, Fatima, have submitted to Muhammad’s religion. Go and deal with them first!”

Hazrat Umar was bewildered and worried. He did not want to believe what he had heard. In fact, it looked as if he did not even find the need to investigate. However, he could not overcome the doubts that filled him; he changed his mind halfway down the road and went straight towards his sister’s home.

In the meantime, the altruistic Companion, Habbab bin Arat, was reciting the chapter Taha, which had just been revealed, to Hazrat Said and Hazrat Fatima.

Hazrat Umar heard this sounds when he neared his sister’s home. He furiously knocked on the door once or twice. When no one opened the door, he pushed against the door with his shoulder and rushed into the house with rage.

Hazrat Fatima had understood that the one furiously knocking on her door was her brother Umar; thus, she put away the pages of the Quran while Hazrat Habbab hid in a corner.

Hazrat Umar asked in a tone filled with much displeasure, “What was it that you were reading?”

When his brother-in-law replied with nervousness and worry, “It was nothing, we were just talking among ourselves”, Hazrat Umar’s anger and rage increased thoroughly. He held his brother-in-law, who innocently stood there, by his neck and said, “So that means what I have heard is true; you also converted to Muhammad’s religion, didn’t you?” as he hurled him to the ground. Hazrat Fatima attempted to save her husband. She also found herself on the ground after receiving a harsh punch. Hazrat Fatima understood that there was no point in concealing her faith any longer. She rose to her foot and shouted, “Do whatever you can, Umar! My husband and I are now Muslims. We have testified to Allah and His Messenger (PBUH).” She followed by reciting the Kalima ash-Shahada, the affirmation of faith, and the room instantly rang with the magnificence of this oath.

It was an exemplary and heartbreaking sight. How could someone cruelly hit his sister and leave her drenched in blood for saying, “My Lord is Allah”? What hardened heart would not soften and what conscience would not come to reason in the sight of a person who continues shouting her cause despite being in a welter of blood?

Umar was suddenly taken aback. He felt as if his heart was fluctuating. He could not stand on his feet any longer; thus, he sat down. After thinking deeply for some time, he said, “Bring me what you were reading so that I can see what Muhammad says.”

At first, Hazrat Fatima was hesitant. She was afraid that her brother would attempt to defame the pages of the Holy Quran. However, Umar ceased her worries by saying, “Do not be afraid.”

Yet, she could only give the pages of the Quran to those who were purified and because Umar was still an adherent of polytheism, he was not considered to be spiritually clean.

Therefore, Hazrat Fatima said, “My Brother, you are not considered to be clean because you are an adherent of a faith that associates partners to Allah. Only those who are clean can touch it. Rise and wash.”

Hazrat Umar rose and bathed himself by performing a full ablution (ghusl) over his body. Upon this, Hazrat Fatima took the pages of the Quran with the utmost respect and handed them to him.

Hazrat Umar was a scribe; therefore, he knew how to read and write (not many people during his time had these skills.) He began reading the page he held in his hands from the beginning to its end:

“Ta Ha. We have not sent down the Qur'ân unto you (O Muhammad SAW) to cause you distress, But only as a Reminder to those who fear (Allâh). A revelation from Him Who created the earth and the heavens on high.”

Hazrat Umar both read and reflected upon these verses. He was baffled in the face of the timeless and literary eloquence of the Holy Quran. It was as if he was not the same Umar, who had firmly grasped the handle of his sword, intending to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH). The insensitivity in his heart and the anger seen on his face had both disappeared. His eyes that had been bloodshot were now gleaming with light. His inner being was smiling along with his face. When he read the verse, ” "Verily I am Allah: there is no god but I: so serve thou Me, (only) and establish regular prayer for celebrating My praise” of the chapter, he shouted: “This is such a beautiful, honorable, and sublime remark! No remark can be sweeter and more beautiful than this!”

This expression was proof that his heart had attained both guidance and luminance.

Hazrat Habbab, who had heard Hazrat Umar’s words, came out from his hiding spot and said, “Glad tidings, O Umar. I hope the prayer that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) made on your behalf will come true. Last night he prayed, “My Lord, strengthen Islam through either Abu’l-Hakam bin Hisham (Abu Jahl) or Umar bin Hattab.”

Umar bin Hattab and Abu’l-Hakem Amr bin Hisham (Abu Jahl): One of them (Abu Jahl) had proposed for the Master of the Universe (PBUH) to be murdered since that would have been the only way through which the Islamic cause could be hindered, whereas the other, Hazrat Umar, had accepted this proposal and rose to carry out this decision.

The negative perceptions that Hazrat Umar had previously held about Islam and our Holy Prophet (PBUH) had now completely shifted. He wanted to go to our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) presence and feel the warm embrace of his light as soon as possible. He asked, “Where is Allah’s Apostle?”

When he learned that our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was at Darul-Arqam, the outskirts of Mount Safa, he immediately set off on his way with Hazrat Habbab.

A watchman informed our Holy Prophet (PBUH) that Hazrat Umar had come with a sword on his waist. An air of worry and nervousness beset upon everyone with the exception of Hazrat Hamza. This great Islamic hero grasped his sword and said, “Let him come. What is there to be scared of? If he has come with good intentions, then we will welcome him with benevolence. If he has come with bad intentions, then we will dispose of him with his own sword.”

Smiles appeared on the Master of the Universe’s (PBUH) face as he watched the scene before him. He had received news that Umar’s heart had been embraced by the light of guidance. Without getting worried or nervous at all, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, “There is nothing to be worried about, let him come. If Allah desires beneficence for him, then He will deliver him in the right direction.”

The door opened upon this command. Umar, who was waiting in front of that door, entered with his imposing appearance and weapon. There was not a trace of anger that could be seen on his face; instead, his face radiated with a glisten of love. His eyes were searching for the light of both truth and reality. At one moment, he came eye-to-eye with our Holy Prophet (PBUH). It was as if he was going to pass out in the face of our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) grandeur. He forgot about everything. Our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) light-filled glances had deeply grasped Hazrat Umar under their influence.

After they looked at one another for some time, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) disrupted Hazrat Umar’s air of nervousness, silence, and worry by asking, “Why did you come, O Hattab’s Son, Umar?” Afterward, he extended his hand and held his sword by its handle and prayed, “O My Lord, this is Hattab’s Son, Umar. My Lord, strengthen the religion of Islam with Umar, Son of Hattab (Umar bin Hattab).

Hazrat Umar’s soul had given rein to the Sun of Guidance. He answered our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) question by saying, “I have come to testify to Allah and His Apostle and what he has brought.” Afterward, he recited the Kalima ash-Shahada, the oath of faith, and became a Muslim. 

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and his companions were immensely happy. In unison, they all recited the Takbir loudly: Allahu Akbar… Allahu Akbar! (Allah is Great, Allah is Great!)

These sounds of Takbir that were heard on the streets of Mecca rang in the horizon and from there, rose to the skies as waves filled with light.

Hazrat Umar had become a Muslim, in fact, he became the 40th Muslim. From thereon, his bravery, courage, and strength were no longer in the way of disbelief. He was going to exercise these qualities for the sake of Islam. Umar, who had run forth to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH) upon the decision of the polytheists, was now like a fan circulating around him. Now that Hazrat Umar had a perpetual power, which resulted from having faith, added to his valor, he would challenge and intimidate the polytheists from thereon. By receiving light and illumination through our Holy Prophet (PBUH), he would be known by the title, “Umar, the Just” in the world history.

Entering Masjid-al-Haram in Ranks

Hazrat Umar, whose real source of courage resided in his faith, could no longer stay put in his place. He asked our Holy Prophet (PBUH), “O Allah’s Apostle, whether we die or live, are we not in the true religion? When our Holy Prophet (PBUH) replied, “Yes, I swear by Allah in whose hand is my soul that you are”, Umar said, “In that case, why do we continue to conceal out faith? I swear by Allah Who has sent you with the religion of truth that I will bravely go to every assembly of polytheism and announce Islam without fear and hesitation.”

Upon this, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) set towards the Kaaba from Daru’l-Arqam, with Hazrat Umar on his right, Hazrat Hamza on his left, and the other companions (sahaba) following them from behind.  They entered the Masjid al-Haram with dignified steps.

The polytheists, who were expecting our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) head, were surprised when they saw this sight. They were looking at Hazrat Umar and Hazrat Hamza with scared and nervous glances. They were able to gather their courage and ask, “O Umar, what is behind you? What did you come with?”

Hazrat Umar replied, “I came with La ilaha illalah Muhammadur Rasullulah. Nobody should move from his place or else I will cut his neck.”

The polytheists became silent. It was as if their tongues were tied.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) circumambulated the Kaaba and prayed freely. The Muslims were also able to pray openly.

Hazrat Umar said,

“It was then that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) gave me the name, “Faruq” for separating truth and falsehood.” 

Hazrat Hamza’s conversion to Islam followed by Hazrat Umar’s ensured Islam’s development, enabled Muslims to worship freely, and saved Muslims from the constraints imposed by the polytheists. In this regard, Hazrat Umar’s joining of ranks with the Muslims held an important place in Islamic history.  One of the companions, Hazrat Abdullah bin Masud made note of this importance, “When Umar became a Muslim, it was a conquest for Islam, honor as well as a glory for the Muslims, His migration to Makkah was a victory, and his Caliphate was mercy. Until Umar became a Muslim, we could not openly pray in the Kaaba’s courtyard.”

[diguerra-moved]

If/when Alleria decides to end things with Turalyon, how does it go? Is it a drawn out process, or is she able to end it quickly? How does she feel afterwards? Are they able to be amicable?

RANDOM ASKS // always accepting.

It is very drawn out, and when she finally speaks to him she’ll have been thinking about it for a long time until finally deciding this is what she should do. Just like it took a lot of battling herself until she’d finally admit to herself she had feelings for him, it will take a lot of battling herself to let go of him. Personally, I think this is where she stands now: she knows she’s unhappy and that her marriage isn’t going well and that it probably won’t stand much longer, but she can’t bring herself to let go. 

Alleria has a hard time dealing with feelings, and her relationship with Turalyon was often not easy at all. He was human and she didn’t think they’d have a future, so even after she began falling for him, she refused to acknowledge it as something serious. As I’ve said here, I don’t think she was in love with him when they slept together and I think she didn’t even tell him about Arator until after they were in Draenor, so it is all very complicated and messy. But at the same time, Turalyon is really important to her, because no matter how much she resisted she did fall in love with him, and because he definitely played a part in helping her recover from depression following her brother’s death, and she opened up to him in ways she almost never does.

He’s the father of her son, and she’s loved him for centuries (because it’s been centuries in their experience in the Twisting Nether). Turalyon loved her at her worst, even when she pushed him away. They fought in a war together, they went beyond the Dark Portal together, they fought in the Army of the Light together. For a good part of those, he was the only person truly close to her. Alleria loved him a lot. 

Deciding to leave him wouldn’t be easy. But at the same time, their relationship hasn’t been well for a while now. I don’t think he ever really accepted her choice to associate with the Void, and of course their inability to touch each other without causing severe pain to themselves and to each other certainly did nothing to make their relationship better (and as far as Alleria is concerned, touch is an important thing; like I said in an earlier headcanon, she’s very physical). 

And then there’s the whole thing with Xe’Ra, that is probably what is still pushing Alleria towards leaving him. Because while it could be argued that there was nothing he could do when Xe’Ra decided to have her imprisoned, he could have argued against it. There could have been disagreement and there wasn’t. He silently accepted what the Naaru thought was best. If that in itself would have hurt her, the more recent events only worsened it with how he reacts to Illidan destroying Xe’Ra. He didn’t have more hope of defeating Illidan alone than he would have had of defeating Xe’Ra, but still he had an emotional response strong enough to launch himself at Illidan nonetheless… and when she was imprisoned he wouldn’t even say a word against it? There’s no way Alleria can’t nurture doubts as to how much he disagreed with her imprisonment. Considering that he doesn’t seem to have really accepted her choice, I don’t think it’s hard to see why this is eating away at her. While imprisoned, she probably tried to rationalize it as Turalyon did nothing because he couldn’t have done nothing, but well, not being able to change things doesn’t really stop him from trying in other times so…

And of course, there’s the Light vs Void question itself, because they are fundamentally opposed. In A Thousand Years of War, part of this is explained as the Light sees only one truth and the Void sees a multitude of possibilities and consider them all true --- I’m just saying this because it is one example of how different their very way to look at the world is. Turalyon sees and believes only in the path of the Holy Light; Alleria, while associating with the Void, does not believe in it blindly. It is to her a tool, and using it with a degree of skepticism is what allows her not to be blinded by the Void as Turalyon is by the Light. But while she is tolerant of his path, the same can’t be said the other way around. I don’t think he accepts there is any truth to be found in the Void, and while he loves Alleria enough to not leave her because of her choosing it, it’s also a very condescending/patronizing kind of love in which he believes to be in the right path and that she will come around and leave her wrong path. Essentially, he loves her for what she once was and what she could be; I don’t think he loves her as she is, not truly, and Alleria can’t be with him like that. If he can’t love her as she is, if he can’t love her with the choices she made and in the path she thinks is right, if he can’t love the darkness she has embraced, then he doesn’t really love her. 

The way I see it, this is how she sees things, but this is also somewhat true. When Xe’Ra wants to kill Alleria after she’s saved Turalyon and Lothraxion, Turalyon asks her not to, and tells her to look into his heart and see what he sees; and Xe’Ra doesn’t say what it is that she sees, but whatever it is, it convinces her to imprison Alleria instead of killing her. I’m fairly convinced that what she saw was Turalyon’s unwavering conviction that Alleria could be brought back to the Light --- that she would eventually return to it. And I think no matter how many years have passed, he still believes in it. 

But Alleria doesn’t want to go back to the Light, particularly not after seeing its worse sides. The Void isn’t a gift, and she certainly wouldn’t encourage others to follow that path; she understands the dangers, which is why she’s able to control it. But neither does she see the Light as a wholly good thing or a path she’d be willing to follow. And she’s not shy about saying it; so Turalyon believing otherwise is essentially he refusing to hear her also. It’s pretty clear to her that he thinks he knows what’s best for her and that it isn’t what she thinks it’s best. This, of course, is one more point of tension in their relationship. She was always very strong willed and she never let anyone choose her path for her, no matter who they were or what they thought was best. Her life is her own, her choices are her own... and if he disagrees so much with them that he has to willfully ignore her choices and remain strong on the belief she’ll change and go back to the Light, then there’s something really wrong with their relationship, and it’s slowly becoming too much for her to ignore it.

I’m just talking about their relationship first because well, he’s really important to her but his actions also really hurt her, and I don’t think Alleria has properly acknowledged it even just to herself. She’s been with him for hundreds of years, she’s opened up to him more than to most people, and she definitely doesn’t want to lose him, even if he hurt her. 

And beyond their relationship, there’s also the fact Alleria feels like she’s lost so many people already, and that she keeps losing them, specially because when returning to Azeroth things are so different and most of the people she was close with are either dead or on the other side of the war. She doesn’t want to lose anyone else, she’s very much afraid of it; and that she would cling to Turalyon, who has been with her through some bad times and who has been with her for many years seems like a natural response to that, even considering everything that’s wrong with their relationship. 

(That’s without saying that I think Arator would weight in on her decision too… because she promised him they would be a family, but more so because she’s probably afraid that he would resent her for leaving Turalyon. She’s afraid of losing people, but she’s afraid of losing Arator most of all, and she would be afraid of how he would take it, if he would resent her for ending even this hope they could be a family again, or that he would ultimately grow distant from her because of it.)

So until she comes to terms with it — or, more accurate, until she reaches a point in which she feels like she can’t continue with him anymore, it’ll take time and a lot of inner struggle until she actually acts on it. Once she’s decided though, I think it would be pretty quick: her mind is made up, so she would just go to him to talk about it and end it at once. So the process of her accepting it is long, but the action itself probably isn’t.

How they are after I think depends on how he’d take it. Would he be hurt but understand and respect her choice? Would he try to convince her to change her mind? Or, worst of all I think, would he try to blame it on the void and the voices and say this wasn’t her or something like that? In each of those cases her reaction would be different, and how they are towards each other later would be different. Even in the first case, though, I think the best they could hope to be is on friendly-ish terms, as in still respecting and liking each other but keeping their distance because it’s hurtful to be close. Worst case scenario, like the last one, would have them actually fighting and resenting the path the other took; and Alleria tends to be awful when dealing with break ups where she resents the other person. She’d avoid him at all costs, but if forced to interact she would be insufferable, as in actually disrespectful — like she was when they sent her to bring a message to him when they weren’t on speaking terms and she offended the paladins inside their cathedral because she can be awful.

I’m no Turalyon expert, but I think he’s just as well aware that things aren’t well. But I don’t think he understands the why. I don’t think he can quite grasp how much his silence towards what Xe’Ra did to Alleria hurts her, or how much his fervent devotion to a being who tormented her hurts her. I don’t think he’s able to see how harmful his feelings towards her and what she’s become truly are. And I don’t think he’s willing to see her side and to understand her choices and accept there are other paths beyond the Light. 

So while yes, he can see things are wrong, I don’t think Turalyon knows how to address it because he can’t really understand what exactly is wrong, and with all that’s happened, Alleria is closing off to him so she isn’t really trying to talk things out and help him understand. I think in Three Sisters, when she’s about to leave to meet Sylvanas and Vereesa in Windrunner Spire and she says she needs to know if she still has a family and he replies with ‘you’ll always have a family with me’ it’s a reassurance on that sense too, that he wants her to know that no matter what, he’ll always love her. But I also think it’s very telling that she doesn’t reply to it with saying she knows, she just says something like ‘you understood what I meant’; just like I think it’s very telling that before leaving she asks him to tell Arator she loves him, should anything happen to her. Alleria doesn’t say the same to him. It is Turalyon himself that says ‘I’ll remind myself too’. Those reactions of him, to me, suggest that should she try to end the relationship, Turalyon would try to convince her not to. She’s distant, and she has every reason to be, and he doesn’t want her to be distant but he doesn’t know what to do because he can’t see what is wrong, but he surely doesn’t want their relationship to end. There’s a lot wrong with them, but ultimately, it is the lack of communication that will end up killing their relationship.

Regardless of the end being friendly or not, though, I think her feelings afterwards are not all too different. She’ll be relieved to have finally ended her dilemma, and she’ll be glad to no longer be with him when it clearly wasn’t being good for anyone, but even if she’s the one to end it, she’d feel very sad about it. There would be a sense of freedom, of weight being lifted off her shoulders, but there would be a lot of sadness about it coming to that, and of loneliness for having lost yet another person she loves. It would be bittersweet, no matter how it happened, though more bitter than sweet, I think.

[lifeofresulullah]

PROPHET MUHAMMAD: The Life of The Prophet Muhammad: First Migration, The Year of Sorrow, The Splitting of The Moon

Hazrat Umar- the Fortieth Muslim

(6th Year of the Prophethood, month of Dhulhijjah / 616)

The joining of Hazrat Hamzah, an incomparable hero, to the ranks of Muslims and the immigration of a group of Muslims to Abyssinia caused the polytheists of Quraysh to become lost in deep thought. A great worry and fear started to consume their lives.

They all had the same decision set in their minds: to solve the matter regarding Abu Talib’s orphan, Muhammad, once and for all.

The Quraysh organized their talks on this matter at Daru’n Nadwa. After their fiery and intense discussions, Abu Jahl’s proposal was accepted: “to annihilate Muhammad’s body.”

Who could dare to attempt such a fearsome murder? A possible vendetta administered by the Sons of Hashim was also a point of matter to be considered.

Some were even making bold promises. For example, Abu Jahl promised, “Whoever kills Muhammad will receive 100 red and black camels, this much gold, this much silver, etc from me.”

Nobody could find the courage to commit this appalling deed. However, there was someone from among them who did; he was tall, had an imposing build, and never bowed before anyone, He came forward and said, “I will do it.”

At one moment, all eyes turned towards this fearless man, who had come forth. They saw that he was Umar, the Son of Hattab. The Qurayshis were confident that Umar was more than capable; thus, they all said, “Yes, only you can do this. Let us see what you can do!” in unison.

Umar was fixed in his decision: he was going to go straight to Darul Arqam, find our Holy Prophet (PBUH), and execute his decision.

After Umar looked around in a furious manner with his eyes that had become bloodshot red, he went directly towards the Kaaba and circumambulated it. Afterwards, he walked towards Darul Arqam with deep feelings of animosity and aggression.

It was very obvious that he was on a mission to fulfill some goal. On his way, he encountered Hazrat Nuaym bin Abdullah, a relative who had become Muslim but concealed his faith. Hazrati Nuaym could not help asking questions when he noticed the apparent change seen in Hazrat Umar’s attitude: “Where are you going, O Umar?”

Hazrat Umar replied without showing any need to conceal his purpose, “I’m going to eliminate Muhammad, the one who has instilled disunity among the Quraysh!”

Hazrat Nuaym went cold all over upon hearing this dreadful decision and looked for ways to dissuade him from this idea. “By God, you are embarking on a very difficult affair. Muhammad’s companions never leave his side for the slightest moment. It is very difficult to find a way. Let us say that you were able to find a way and killed him. Do you think that the Sons of Abd al-Manaf would allow you to roam freely on the face of the Earth?”

Umar looked at his addressee sternly and asked “Or are you on his side as well?”

However, he received an unexpected answer: “O Umar, forget about me; return to your family and community. Your brother-in-law and uncle’s son, Said bin Zayd and his wife, your sister, Fatima, have submitted to Muhammad’s religion. Go and deal with them first!”

Hazrat Umar was bewildered and worried. He did not want to believe what he had heard. In fact, it looked as if he did not even find the need to investigate. However, he could not overcome the doubts that filled him; he changed his mind halfway down the road and went straight towards his sister’s home.

In the meantime, the altruistic Companion, Habbab bin Arat, was reciting the chapter Taha, which had just been revealed, to Hazrat Said and Hazrat Fatima.

Hazrart Umar heard this sounds when he neared his sister’s home. He furiously knocked on the door once or twice. When no one opened the door, he pushed against the door with his shoulder and rushed into the house with rage.

Hazrat Fatima had understood that the one furiously knocking on her door was her brother Umar; thus, she put away the pages of the Quran while Hazrat Habbab hid in a corner.

Hazrat Umar asked in a tone filled with much displeasure, “What was it that you were reading?”

When his brother-in-law replied with nervousness and worry, “It was nothing, we were just talking among ourselves”, Hazrat Umar’s anger and rage increased thoroughly. He held his brother-in-law, who innocently stood there, by his neck and said, “So that means what I have heard is true; you also converted to Muhammad’s religion, didn’t you?” as he hurled him to the ground. Hazrat Fatima attempted to save her husband. She also found herself on the ground after receiving a harsh punch. Hazrat Fatima understood that there was no point in concealing her faith any longer. She rose to her foot and shouted, “Do whatever you can, Umar! My husband and I are now Muslims. We have testified to Allah and His Messenger (PBUH).” She followed by reciting the Kalima  ash-Shahada, the affirmation of faith, and the room instantly rang with the magnificence of this oath.

It was an exemplary and heartbreaking sight. How could someone cruelly hit his sister and leave her drenched in blood for saying, “My Lord is Allah”? What hardened heart would not soften and what conscience would not come to reason in the sight of a person who continues shouting her cause despite being in a welter of blood?

Umar was suddenly taken aback. He felt as if his heart was fluctuating. He could not stand on his feet any longer; thus, he sat down. After thinking deeply for some time, he said, “Bring me what you were reading so that I can see what Muhammad says.”

At first, Hazrat Fatima was hesitant. She was afraid that her brother would attempt to defame the pages of the Holy Quran. However, Umar ceased her worries by saying, “Do not be afraid.”

Yet, she could only give the pages of the Quran to those who were purified and because Umar was still an adherent of polytheism, he was not considered to be spiritually clean.

Therefore, Hazrat Fatima said, “My Brother, you are not considered to be clean because you are an adherent of a faith that associates partners to Allah. Only those who are clean can touch it. Rise and wash yourself.”

Hazrat Umar rose and bathed himself by performing a full ablution (ghsul) over his body. Upon this, Hazrat Fatima took the pages of the Quran with the utmost respect and handed them to him.

Hazrat Umar was a scribe; therefore, he knew how to read and write (not many people during his time had these skills.) He began reading the page he held in his hands from the beginning to its end:

“Ta Ha. We have not sent down the Qur'ân unto you (O Muhammad SAW) to cause you distress, But only as a Reminder to those who fear (Allâh). A revelation from Him Who created the earth and the heavens on high.” 

Hazrat Umar both read and reflected upon these verses. He was baffled in the face of the timeless and literary eloquence of the Holy Quran. It was as if he was not the same Umar, who had firmly grasped the handle of his sword, intending to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH). The insensitivity in his heart and the anger seen on his face had both disappeared. His eyes that had been bloodshot were now gleaming with light. His inner being was smiling along with his face. When he read the verse, ” "Verily I am Allah: there is no god but I: so serve thou Me, (only) and establish regular prayer for celebrating My praise” (of the chapter, he shouted: “This is such a beautiful, honorable, and sublime remark! No remark can be sweeter and more beautiful than this!”

This expression was proof that his heart had attained both guidance and luminance.

Hazrat Habbab, who had heard Hazrat Umar’s words, came out from his hiding spot and said, “Glad tidings, O Umar. I hope the prayer that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) made on your behalf will come true. Last night he prayed, “My Lord, strengthen Islam through either Abu’l-Hakam bin Hisham (Abu Jahl) or Umar bin Hattab.”

Umar bin Hattab and Abu’l-Hakem Amr bin Hisham (Abu Jahl): One of them (Abu Jahl) had proposed for the Master of the Universe (PBUH) to be murdered since that would have been the only way through which the Islamic cause could be hindered, whereas the other, Hazrat Umar, had accepted this proposal and rose to carry out this decision.

The negative perceptions that Hazrat Umar had previously held about Islam and our Holy Prophet (PBUH) had now completely shifted. He wanted to go to our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) presence and feel the warm embrace of his light as soon as possible. He asked, “Where is Allah’s Apostle?”

When he learned that our Holy Prophet (PBUH) was at Darul-Arqam, the outskirts of Mount Safa, he immediately set off on his way with Hazrat Habbab.

A watchman informed our Holy Prophet (PBUH) that Hazrat Umar had come with a sword on his waist. An air of worry and nervousness beset upon everyone with the exception of Hazrat Hamza. This great Islamic hero grasped his sword and said, “Let him come. What is there to be scared of? If he has come with good intentions, then we will welcome him with benevolence. If he has come with bad intentions, then we will dispose of him with his own sword.”

Smiles appeared on the Master of the Universe’s (PBUH) face as he watched the scene before him. He had received news that Umar’s heart had been embraced by the light of guidance. Without getting worried or nervous at all, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, “There is nothing to be worried about, let him come. If Allah desires beneficence for him, then He will deliver him in the right direction.”

The door opened upon this command. Umar, who was waiting in front of that door, entered with his imposing appearance and weapon. There was not a trace of anger that could be seen on his face; instead, his face radiated with a glisten of love. His eyes were searching for the light of both truth and reality. At one moment, he came eye-to-eye with our Holy Prophet (PBUH). It was as if he was going to pass out in the face of our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) grandeur. He forgot about everything. Our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) light-filled glances had deeply grasped Hazrat Umar under their influence.

After they looked at one another for some time, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) disrupted Hazrat Umar’s air of nervousness, silence, and worry by asking, “Why did you come, O Hattab’s Son, Umar?” Afterwards, he extended his hand and held his sword by its handle and prayed, “O My Lord, this is Hattab’s Son, Umar. My Lord, strengthen the religion of Islam with Umar, Son of Hattab (Umar bin Hattab).

Hazrat Umar’s soul had given rein to the Sun of Guidance. He answered our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) question by saying, “I have come to testify to Allah and His Apostle and what he has brought.” Afterwards, he recited the Kalima  ash-Shahada, the oath of faith, and became a Muslim. 

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) and his companions were immensely happy. In unison, they all recited the Takbir loudly: Allahu Akbar… Allahu Akbar! (Allah is Great, Allah is Great!)

These sounds of Takbir that were heard on the streets of Mecca rang in the horizon and from there, rose to the skies as waves filled with light.

Hazrat Umar had become a Muslim, in fact, he became the 40th Muslim. From thereon, his bravery, courage, and strength were no longer in the way of disbelief. He was going to exercise these qualities for the sake of Islam. Umar, who had run forth to kill our Holy Prophet (PBUH) upon the decision of the polytheists, was now like a fan circulating around him. Now that Hazrat Umar had a perpetual power, which resulted from having faith, added to his valor, he would challenge and intimidate the polytheists from thereon. By receiving light and illumination through our Holy Prophet (PBUH), he would be known by the title, “Umar, the Just” in the world history.

Entering Masjid-al-Haram in Ranks

Hazrat Umar, whose real source of courage resided in his faith, could no longer stay put in his place. He asked our Holy Prophet (PBUH), “O Allah’s Apostle, whether we die or live, are we not in the true religion? When our Holy Prophet (PBUH) replied, “Yes, I swear by Allah in whose hand is my soul that you are”, Umar said, “In that case, why do we continue to conceal out faith? I swear by Allah Who has sent you with the religion of truth that I will bravely go to every assembly of polytheism and announce Islam without fear and hesitation.”

Upon this, our Holy Prophet (PBUH) set towards the Kaaba from Daru’l-Arqam, with Hazrat Umar on his right, Hazrat Hamza on his left, and the other companions (sahaba) following them from behind.  They entered the Masjid al-Haram with dignified steps.

The polytheists, who were expecting our Holy Prophet’s (PBUH) head, were surprised when they saw this sight. They were looking at Hazrat Umar and Hazrat Hamza with scared and nervous glances. They were able to gather their courage and ask, “O Umar, what is behind you? What did you come with?”

Hazrat Umar replied, “I came with La ilaha illalah Muhammadur Rasullulah. Nobody should move from his place or else I will cut his neck.”

The polytheists became silent. It was as if their tongues were tied.

Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) circumambulated the Kaaba and prayed freely. The Muslims were also able to pray openly.

Hazrat Umar said,

“It was then that Allah’s Apostle (PBUH) gave me the name, “Faruq” for separating truth and falsehood.” 

Hazrat Hamza’s conversion to Islam followed by Hazrat Umar’s ensured Islam’s development, enabled Muslims to worship freely, and saved Muslims from the constraints imposed by the polytheists. In this regard, Hazrat Umar’s joining of ranks with the Muslims held an important place in Islamic history.  One of the companions, Hazrat Abdullah bin Masud made note of this importance, “When Umar became a Muslim, it was a conquest for Islam, an honor as well as a glory for the Muslims, His migration to Makkah was a victory, and his Caliphate was a mercy. Until Umar became a Muslim, we could not openly pray in the Kaaba’s courtyard.”