#* muse: alleria windrunner / VOID TOUCHED.

[warwaged-archive]

good afternoon I’m here to talk shadowlands today (but only the parts I like):

in the night fae campaign, tyrande agrees to let you help save night elf souls sent unjustly to torghast/the maw. for my portrayal, this is not a given. she will not trust someone affiliated with the horde to do something so important, and she doesn’t care to hear what you may have to say about making things right. I personally think she’d be iffy even towards people from the alliance, depending on who they are. if you’re a nelf you’re good, if you’re gilnean you’re probably good, but the rest? not necessarily.

alleria? I can’t decide what she’s doing while everything’s on fire. taking a vacation in elwynn forest maybe. y’all can save the world this time, she’ll pass (I don’t blame her tbh look at this shitshow)

I think tiffin is the one I have a better structured sort of idea for shadowlands? she died many years ago, but the ascension process seems to be like... not easy? so she was in bastion for a while and ultimately she ascended as a forsworn because she would not let go of her memories. still, she’s one of those who followed devos without knowing about the mawsworn, because what devos intended and what they believed they were doing (reforming a flawed system that forced them to let go of what was important to them and gave them strength in life) is something she’d absolutely fight for, but she was never a ‘the end justifies the means’ type of person and siding with the jailer forces isn’t something she’d do. so once the kyrian campaign progresses and the kyrian realize change in their path is necessary, I think she’d no longer see a reason to oppose them.

alex should go to shadowlands but I’m still figuring that out. I do believe after the news from ysera she would want to see her sister again, and even before that, with the huge problems going on and all, I think she’d try to do her part to keep the universe safe. even initially, when it comes to just saving the kidnapped leaders --- she cares a lot for thrall, and I think she’d like to help.

nalice wants nothing to do with the shadowlands, thanks

kelantir is in bastion, but she’s not one of the ascended. she died fairly recently so she’s not an angel yet. unlike tiffin, who I think would want to keep all her memories, because even the bad things are important to who she ended up being, I think there are things kelantir would maybe like to forget, but they weight on her too much for her to be able to do so, even then. 

come find her chilling in bastion (maybe helping to save the universe too, probably)

lorna would go to the shadowlands to help tbh. if taelia and calia got there later, lorna can too -- except I don’t think she’d be content to wait in oribos, she’d want to actually go help. given she’s not a champion with an ability to enter and leave the maw at will, she wouldn’t go there I guess, unless someone took her with them. but in the covenants and etc she’d definitely go help. and if we get some info on how to fuck up sylvanas’ plans on the way that’s all the better.

besides, if sylv ran away to the shadowlands it’s a joke gilneas wouldn’t send someone. look at what they did in legion. let lorna be that person thanks.

[diguerra-moved]

I’ve read someone’s headcanon for elf ages and I was thinking; considering elves live forever because of magic, not as something that is biologically inherent to them, it makes sense their growth wouldn’t be too different from human standard until they reached a certain age in which physical changes begun slowing until they eventually stopped (not permanently, considering elves can grow old, it just takes several thousand years; maybe it doesn’t even stop completely, but is just so slow it’s nearly imperceptible for a long time). The main difference in regards to maturity and adulthood standards wouldn’t be growth itself, much less age, but also that those standards can change. 

For example, idk, a 100 year old night elf wouldn’t have been considered an adult before the Sundering, and that isn’t illogical if you think that like, while they’ve definitely grown physically and mentally, their level of maturity might still be considered uh, really low by someone who lived forever, considering nelves were eternal asdkfnaksf At the same time, a 100 year old night elf in current canon, while still considered very young, would be much more likely to be considered an adult, since the world they grew up in definitely demanded more maturity of them than growing up in a world where their race reigned undisputed, and that nelves have extremely long lives but are no longer immortal.

Night Elves are probably closer to Trolls than Humans when it comes to comparison of how long does it take them to grow until adulthood, or even like, pregnancy length or for how long they’d be infants; considering they’ve evolved from Trolls, and that they’re still closer to them in terms of size. I personally headcanon that infancy wouldn’t be a long period (this might just be me finding excuses for why there are so few aka none nelf babies but uh), but pregnancy might be a few months longer than that of Humans considering babies would be bigger, and the period between teenage and adult (in the sense of physically mature more so than culturally acknowledged as adult) would also last considerably longer, so 20s is probably closer to be considered early teens than young adult. The Nightborne probably grow at the same rate the Night Elves do, considering there aren’t enormous discrepancies between them, but there might be a small divergence due to the isolation+exclusive magical source influence combo. I can never set on a determined age by which they’d likely be considered official adults, but it definitely is made official once they decide which path to pursue, considering this seems to be a very big deal. That said, Kaldorei markings are also indicative of maturity, considering women usually get them after a significant event --- which might come earlier or later than standard age for adulthood would be.

Meanwhile, the Blood Elves are considerably different of the other two, having changed not only the source of magic from which they draw their strength (and extremely long lives) but their very habits changing from nocturnal to diurnal, and whichever other adaptations occurred relative to the change in habitat. While they do not have a common ancestor, I think they’d be closer to Humans in terms of growth, something that does seem to be the case in canon, considering Valeera is like, in her 20s. The belves would probably still consider her very young, but for Blood Elf standards she wouldn’t be as young as to Night Elf standards, for example, so more late teens/young adult than early teens or actual adult, as Humans (in universe at least) would consider her to be. That would be more relative to maturity and wisdom than anything else; for elves who lived 200, 300 of years, a 20 year old probably does seem rather immature, because they haven’t lived long enough to have a comparable amount of experiences, not because they haven’t developed physically or mentally to our standards of what a 20 year old is. I think it would be a couple more decades over 20 until a belf would be considered a proper adult, though not too many tbh.

Dragons were made to be, if not eternal, close to it. They do age and seem to be able to die of old age, considering Tyranastrasz was described as very very old which was why he was getting weaker and would die even if Deathwing hadn’t killed him, though how soon would soon be if Grim Batol hadn’t made him sick is debatable, as soon for a Dragon could well mean a couple thousand years more. Wrathion is a wild exception in regards to dragon development; considering whelps are not aware of the outside world before they are born, and aren’t yet capable of things like talking (at least in languages that are not draconic) or magic, although they are capable of having a rather well developed understanding of the world around them, like Emmigosa indicates. Their time as whelps is probably one of the shortest phases in their lives, but it would be incredibly lengthy in comparison to mortals, probably (which also leads to distinctions like, a newborn whelp might look a lot like a year old whelp, but they are already in considerably different stages, even if physically they aren’t yet very different). I’d say it takes a couple of years (which is very short when you think of dragon’s standard life length), though not many; and that it is the transition from drake to adult dragon that goes slower. Even after they’re adults, dragons probably keep growing for a considerable amount of time.

[diguerra-moved]

lady-proudmoore‌:

You know those lil’ ice cream machines in some restaurants where you can grab a cheap cone that tastes like cardboard and then choose to pour vanilla, chocolate or choco/vanilla swirl in it?

Which flavor would your character choose?

@everyone

But especially: @ceruleanelf @halforc-mercenary @embercrested @earelloxtiruvai @summysparklesprocket @garethlyons @kits-musebox @ladywindrunner @white-fang-adam @weavefate @lifeismyaspect @kinguponthesea @diguerra (alleria) @zentca @fatesblades @lightsblade @the-real-arcanist-val @theveneratedwolf @asharinhun @anierous-sunblade @ask-the-time-assassin @betrayer-forged-weapon @captain-davion @eldingaesir @godofthundxr @kalistra-heartpride @lipstickandartillery @olivia-lovecraft @perspicacicus (taelia) @redeeming-sun @the-wolfs-raven @terraforged

alleria chooses darkness

I mean, chocolate

[warwaged-archive]

I just think with the impact khadgar had on alleria when she was at her worst, as well as the fact they were friends from fighting in a war together and later going to draenor, being separated and reunited and just generally following very different paths has so much potential? because, well, you obviously always have the void as an important subject when it comes to how alleria returned, but khadgar was actually one of her closest friends... even things she wouldn’t discuss with other old friends, I feel she might talk about with him (because like I said, khadgar had a huge impact when she was at her worst, when she tried to keep everyone at a distance). there’s the fact he’s one of the few people in her life who are connected to both her and turalyon, too. and then there’s the fact throughout the years khadgar became big on peace and defending azeroth and setting aside the horde vs alliance mentality, but alleria did not. alleria can’t not be a warrior, being at war is where she’s most at ease even if it sucks (yes it’s because she’s running from emotions but shhhh). she’s not cruel and vicious and ruthless as she was before, but neither has she been able to completely let go of what the horde made her family suffer. and the conflict in that might be so fun to explore too... 

[warwaged-archive]

“Arator,

I have no doubt by the time this letter reaches your hands, I will be long gone. It is not within my right to ask that you forgive me for it, but I must begin asking for forgiveness all the same, my little ray of sunshine. There will be no peace for those who fell to orcish blades, or indeed, for Azeroth as a whole, until the threat is dealt with — and so, there was no choice for me but to join the Expedition. I have to do it for those I lost, and for you, as well.

Nothing wounds me more than having to leave you, but the hands I entrust you to are the best and most capable there are. In regards to this, there is no doubt within my heart that when you finally read those words, you will indeed agree that your aunts have cared for you as well as one can be cared for. If it hurts me to leave, I have no doubt they will be better for you than I could ever hope to be.

There is much I will not be able to give you myself. Much we won’t ever get the chance of speak of, or do together. Much I won’t be able to tell you. But my intent is not only to apologize for what we won’t share. Most of all, this letter is to be a reminder of my love for you, my son. There is nothing I have ever, or ever will, treasure as much as you. In the darkest times of my life, you brought to me light and hope I had forgotten existed. I hope this does not change, no matter how you grow, and that you continue to shine brightly and comfort others with your warmth, sunshine. Never forget I loved you more than the world or life itself.

I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.

From your mother, who loves you so,

Alleria.”

[warwaged-archive]

_____ TO LOVERS. 

 Friends to Enemies to Lovers

things start off so well, but something goes wrong along the way. you become entrenched on opposing sides. you still think of them on their birthday, or when you hear a joke you know they would like, and you wonder if they do the same. that's ridiculous. of course they don't. that bridge is burned... isn't it? they're the only one you're always weak for. nothing else seems to matter when you think of the history you've shared, the love you KNOW is reciprocated. you fantasize about a rendezvous, or, better yet, an escape from everything. a solution to the problem that leaves you both whole. you want to be able to continue like you never lost the sweetness of that first era, that innocence before the world forced you apart. you are the broken promise of a tragedy. this will not be a sad ending, even if it feels that way before you figure things out. you love them, you always have, that's what matters, that's all.

TAGGED BY: @necroarchy​ thanks frost <3

TAGGING: @ladywindrunner​ @sunrunnerrs​ @redeeming-sun​ @shadowsblades​ 

[diguerra-moved]

The days that had followed his letter had passed in a peculiar way, as if time was here as flimsy a thing as it had been amidst the stars: not fast enough, as she restlessly waited to meet him again, all the while dreadfully fast, when anxiety over not knowing what to expect overwhelmed her feelings. When it had come at last, Alleria had been as certain of her choice to meet him as she had upon learning he wasn’t dead; and yet not for a moment had she felt calm, tension becoming a familiar companion.

Dalaran had become a fairly common destination for her to seek, visiting Vereesa when the time would allow it (not often, with the war breaking out; nowadays she stood in Boralus with the Alliance more than anywhere else). None would find it odd for her to be there, though, and for that she was grateful --- Alleria hadn’t warned any of their meeting, knowing she would be demanded to elaborate beyond meeting an old friend, and having no intention to do so. 

She pays little mind to the stone streets and diverse buildings, nor to those who crowd it. There is only one she intends to see, and she knows where to look for him. They had not seen each other for a long time; not since their relationship fell apart, and she essentially fled, not long before tragedy would overwhelm her and eventually lead her away from Azeroth. 

Eyes fall upon a figure she knows to be his, though, even before seeing his face, even if weapon and armor and stand all speak to her of the changes she has so wondered about. Sorrow shines through in her eyes only for a moment before Alleria collects herself, taking a deep steadying breath as the last steps take her closer to where he stands.

The shadows were none too happy with his presence; death was to them an enemy, as certain as the Light. The whispers held no sympathy, and were, for that very reason, simpler to be ignored --- Alleria had only too much of it, and her feelings for his fate made her chest heavy with regret. One more person she had failed; one more death she had not been there to in the least attempt to prevent.

His eyes, though still blue, have turned to ice; there isn’t much more warmth to be found in his voice, even as he greets her, still making use of her old nickname. Alleria knows that should she touch his skin, she would found none of his once familiar warmth either. Death had taken all of it; it made her throat tighten to consider it may have taken everything that he had once been.

It certainly seemed to be the case with Sylvanas.

Alleria swallowed; it did not take her long to reply, quiet yet unflinching, though the seconds felt like an eternity. “Hello, Rel.”

I am sorry for what happened to you. For what happened to our people. For not being here. I am so sorry for not being here...

Yet her regrets remain unspoken, unfit to be shared. She is uncertain how to continue, truly --- it either seems her words would say too much or too little. “I thought ---” That you had died as you told me you sought to, in that letter you might not even know was delivered to me, that you might not even remember leaving, years ago as it was. “Your note was a surprise. I hadn’t expected we would meet again.”

@diguerra // The Angst

The afternoon sun shone brightly over the mystical streets of the floating city of Dalaran, painting the metropolis and its inhabitants in a burnt reddish glow. It was not a particularly noteworthy day for most, just like any other day amidst a bloody faction war in the neutral city. But it was quite important for one man.

Rellinth Shadestrider stood eerily still before the magnificent statue of Archmage Antonides, not even bothering to draw breath he no longer needed. Having met the man immortalized in stone, he couldn't help but think it was a little overdone. But, if he thought hard enough about memories of life and the emotions associated, he remembered such was the way of the living.

Now, Rellinth's emotions were mostly void, save for anger and sorrow. Today, he felt much more of the latter.

The Knight-Master did not keep many associates with the living. Beyond his regrettably brief relationship with his sister - one he swiftly put a stop to after her consensual raising - he only kept in contact with two living souls. He hoped to add a third name to that list.

He had known of Alleria's return. Of course the Deathlord had mentioned it in passing, for there were no secrets among the dead, and the woman who would always have claim to his living heart was known to his brothers and sisters of the Ebon Blade. But he had drawn out the idea of meeting with her. She was Alliance, and while the death knights truly did as they so chose, claiming neutrality just like the Kirin Tor, his Quel'dorei heritage lent most to assume he sided with the Horde. Even though he refused to set foot even in Silvermoon following the Burning if Teldrassil.

He told himself it would be better for her to believe him dead. Especially since he had been informed of his dying wish being fulfilled.

But a part of him always drew back to thinking of her, hypothesizing her reaction to him now. It had begun to affect his work - he had botched no less than three runes over the last month, a mistake no Knight could afford. So he had penned her another letter and arranged for the meeting he now awaited.

To passersby, he was not so strange a sight in Dalaran, though perhaps a bit more unusual given most Knights either remained in Acherus or acted as Champions of their chosen faction. He wore his saronite armor, sans helm, really the only thing that ever covered his body since his rebirth as an undead abomination. Sheathed across his back was was his weapon of choice, a sinister great sword roughly a meter and a half long, gleaming with red runes of blood. It did not see use as much as it perhaps should, but Rellinth found he preferred it that way. He had been an instrument of death to the Lich King once, and was more than satisfied now to hone others' blades rather than his own.

He did not move as he heard steps approach then halt behind him, though he could venture a guess to whom they belonged to. In life, he may have prayed for strength as he turned slowly to lay eyes upon his visitor, but now in death, knew no longer knew the warmth of the Light's guidance. There was only cold. Only death.

He drew in a deep breath with which to speak as his icy blue gaze locked on the void elf leader. "Hello, Lady Sun."

[warwaged-archive]

I know canon says vereesa and sylvanas were closer but honestly in my head alleria and sylvanas were also very very close they just had different dynamics in this essay I will

[warwaged-archive]

MUSE AESTHETICS: ALLERIA WINDRUNNER

A being born of the Light had turned to shadow. It was a familiar sensation. The transformation you witnessed is under my control, to be used when I see fit. I am the same person I was... and yet, something more. The use of such power makes some... uneasy. But shadow is a force to be harnessed, not feared. As with any weapon, one must maintain constant control when wielding it.

[warwaged-archive]

you know what else illidan and alleria have in common? they’re both highly uncomfortable in tight spaces, specially when there’s no windows

[warwaged-archive]

random marriage thoughts:

tyrande most definitely was the one to be like ‘hey we’re going to get married. now’ after malfurion kept her waiting for like ten thousand + years

turalyon most definitely asked alleria to marry him. she consistently refused, and they haven’t like, officially married bc idk she’s a pest like that

I feel like? morrigan is a little like that? will be your wife but only if you don’t actually ask her to marry you

velanna would like to get married and have a family but after becoming a grey warden those wishes are permanently set aside. she’s afraid of letting anyone get close enough anyways

myrcella always expected she would one day be married to someone she’d not choose so? that’s that on that for the most part

tiffin also always expected she would one day be married to someone she very much did not choose and also did not like, so she wasn’t thrilled about it. but it turned out fine! even though definitely not because she and varian were trying to because they’re idiots

nathanos wanted to ask sylv to marry him but never got to and then they were dead

regent lor’themar would be very Anxious about the idea of marrying for several reasons, including but not limited to: being married to his job, and the possibility that having a family would result in more pressure for him to officially become king

illidan thinks marriage is for losers but only because tyrande didn’t want to marry him

alex was married five times and she had a favorite husband rip to the other consorts but kori is different

that’s not news but she loves him???? so much ???? I had to mention it

sindragosa thinks marriage was A Mistake because people betray you and abandon you to die slowly in the cold of northrend even when you try to call out to them with the very last of your strength and also half of their flight was there dying after being blasted by deathwing but does anyone even think of trying to find them? no. ‘oh no that’s terrible they all died’ bitch you didn’t even try to check wtf

she’s very bitter and does not recommend marriage ever

[warwaged-archive]

currently thinking about how alleria so many people close to her when most of her family died made her so terrified of losing more people she loved and how xe’ra exploited that by telling her she’d lose everyone she had left if she left the light ............

[warwaged-archive]

HOW DO YOU NEED TO BE  LOVED? 

Deeply, like the vastness of the sea

You are a very passionate person. You feel everything so intensely, and that definitely includes love. You need someone who will match that passion, that intensity. You need someone who will care about you as much as you care about them, but you have a hard time finding that. You're usually the one who loves more, and it's sad sometimes, but it's okay. But you will find someone who loves you just as much as you love them. 

TAGGED BY: @lady-proudmoore​ ty! TAGGING: @sunrunnerrs​ (whoever you want!) @terraforged​ @holyforged​ @seahaloed​ (your pick!) @acherys​ @ofsuramar​ (your choice too!)

[warwaged-archive]

WHAT  ARE  YOU ?

you are bound.

thick wires, barbed or not, cross your body, tangled and bent. your body has adjusted to the ache, although sometimes your keeper tightens them and you have to adjust once again. please do not adjust. let your blood boil, and bide your time. tighten your relations, making new ropes, soft and sweet. when the time is right, and you MUST make sure it is, cut through the wire. your ropeburn will stay long, perhaps even forever, but that is normal. keep that in your mind.

you are carved away.

you have given too much, taken too little. your heart hurts, aching for something your blood burns to refuse. do not give into your blood. your heart needs what it asks for. try looking in the mirror, and trace the patterns of yourself you like the most. if you cant do that, look at the sunset, or the sunrise if youd prefer.

TAGGED BY:  @forsakcn​  ♥ ty TAGGING: steal it from me!

[warwaged-archive]

Alleria had always been good at pushing aside unwanted feelings.

It wasn’t comfortable, no, but easy enough to do while moving forward towards she who had been her tormentor for so long. Leave her dead; leave her buried in rubble never to be found again. It is what she deserves. What leaves her lips is much more softspoken, heart poured out in spite of her hesitance to do so; there is no word against the Light Mother, no offered offense regardless of how many come to mind. No sense of retribution to see her shattered, no gloating, no satisfaction; but there is fear, and there is vulnerability, and there is the silent begging for him to see her reason, to see her side, to see her pain.

And what then? I was locked in a cell for delving into the Void against her wishes. Will she make me a prisoner again? Or worse?

He would have tried to soothe her at the very least, in the past. This time there is no offered comfort; there is nothing but nearly disinterested certainty that surely it shall be fine, surely Xe’Ra would see the reason, surely she would do Alleria no harm.

But she has already done. Alleria has the scars to prove it.

Hurt that hits her then is not of so visible sort; only in her heart, after all, and that she can hide easily enough. Not comfortable, but easy. She knew Turalyon trusted her; she knew the Army of the Light fought for the future the prime naaru had foreseen. They think it is the only way to save the universe from the Legion, of course bringing her back is important. Somewhere deep down, she can almost hear the echoes of disagreement.

(Weren’t you important for him? Didn’t he care? You gave your heart and body and soul in a way so complete and honest and whole, in a way you never had before; you gave yourself to the wrong person. He doesn’t care. You abandoned the Light, and he no longer cares. He cannot love someone who dwells in the Shadows. But he can love a being of Light even if it is a tyrant, even if it is a torturer.)

They are not loud enough she cannot silence them. The bleeding is not severe enough she cannot ignore it.

Alleria underestimates how hard it would be to see Xe’Ra again.

Indeed, apprehension gripped at her heart at the mere suggestion of restoring the Light Mother, but she had since steeled herself to the inevitability of it; or so she thought. The Windrunner had never been the submissive sort, never one to be forcibly controlled; one who valued her freedom too much to ever submit to chains, never had, not other than those that would lead her to Azeroth again. Alleria could have escaped, even if she could not have fought; could have returned to the Void, to her displeased teacher, could even have wandered the Twisting Nether again until she found path to Azeroth by herself — but the Xenedar was where she had to be, reliable path to the future she had seen that Light and Void were both blind to. The future where they won.

It wasn’t enough to make her fond of her cage, but it was enough to make it tolerable.

The bars were made of Light, as pure and bright as the Light that composed Xe’Ra herself. Alleria could not touch them, of course; a way to guarantee she could not reach beyond it, to make her as little threat as possible. More often than not, she had been left alone to reconsider her path and forsake the Shadows; not always. Sometimes the Light Mother would reach to her in sickeningly sweet tone, elated in listing all that she would lose forever were she to stay with the shadows, before offering her a path to the Light once more. Unbeknownst to Xe’Ra, perhaps, those were the days she got to Alleria the most, heart tight at the idea of losing her sisters, her homeland, her lover, her son. Yet it was for them, too, she chose the path she walked; and it was holding on to this knowledge that Alleria kept herself calm enough not to give away any reaction, nothing but constant denial.

Other times, it was Light forced on her physically, or the attempt to. She remembered thinking of Lothraxion, of Fel being cleansed by Light, of how much it must have hurt for the Nathrezim; she remembered thinking Xe’Ra underestimated the Shadows and Alleria’s own will both, if she believed to cleanse her as easily as Fel. The Void would not surrender one who had so willingly given herself to it; and whenever she was at her limit, Alleria saw Xe’Ra give up, made aware the mortal would break before bending, and knowing she needed her alive for the future she had seen to come into being.

Well, at least until she decided Alleria needed another push, a more direct interference from the Light to set her once more on the right path.

Seeing her may have brought memory of such instances to her mind, but it does not make Alleria fear. She finds it hard to fear, then, in spite of being haunted by it not long ago. Seeing Xe’Ra again makes her rage. A quiet, contained sort of rage, to be sure, but one that burns intensely, one that she had not felt so strongly in so many years. Had she the power to destroy the Prime Naaru, Xe’Ra would be in pieces again already. The thought comes with a certainty that does not let her deny its truth even to herself; Alleria doesn’t try to. She does not shun the anger, either; it is justified, and she has kept it long enough. Let it be felt. Let it bleed out if it must. There has been silence and submission for too long.

If anxiety or anger occupy her, neither finds reciprocation in the dreaded Light Mother. Xe’Ra does not care, she realizes; and there is no shock in this, not truly, not for her who knows the naaru to only have cared for her perfect vision of the future for years, but to see it extended to Turalyon as well is new and unexpected — as is his loyalty to her, so blatantly offered, so unblemished. He kneels as if faced by most sacred being, and it is the truth of it, Alleria realizes, the truth of it in his eyes at least. There is adoration in his gaze, devotion in his voice, relief to see Xe’Ra restored.

It is enough to subdue the flames of her resent, ice cold aching in her heart substituting it. It is neither comfortable nor easy, then, to push aside unwanted feelings. It is hard, and it hurts; oh, if baring her feelings to be met with disregard had been bruising as being punched in the gut, this hurts as being trespassed by blade instead. Part of her wants to cry out betrayal, that he would so devote himself to this thing who had tried to rob her of choice, who did rob her of freedom, who hurt her as it saw fit and branded her wrong for having a mind of her own. Part of her thinks the betrayer to have been herself, venturing in the Shadow out of own volition. It hurts all the same. Duty she could understand; this wasn’t it. This was care and concern Turalyon had not shown to her, even when he had last seen her behind bars made of pure Light; it was commitment he had not shown her when she spoke of her worry and hesitated to aid one who had only done her harm.

Keeping herself impassive is stilling breath with same focus she had been taught once, so many years ago, when learning to tread amidst Eversong trees quiet as a shadow. It is clenching teeth and digging her nails in the flesh of her palm so strongly it hurts, but it is a welcome hurt, grounding, simple enough to deal with. It is forcing herself not to feel, impossible as it is — making herself ignore it, as if that was someone else’s lover, someone she did not know.

Did she know him at all, as it was?

Alleria had always been good at pushing aside unwanted feelings, and she succeeds, even when it is arduous effort. All eyes remain on the naaru, on the demon hunter that steps up to speak to it; all eyes, even her own. She feels what will happen before she processes it; heartbeat racing and body taut as a bowstring ready to snap. True understanding only comes to her, clear as crystal, when Illidan refuses Xe’Ra. She knows, and how could she not? It is watching her tale reenacted with different characters. It is seeing yet another fall prey to a monster who cloaks herself in good intentions, who makes use of righteousness to blind others on her tyranny.

She isn’t sure she can stomach to see it, yet green eyes do not dare look away, barely even blink. It is only when Illidan forcefully frees himself of binding light that Alleria releases breath she hadn’t realize she had been holding, a quiet gasp made soundless by deafening noise; only then gaze is forcefully torn away, the coalescing forces much too blinding to withstand.

There is barely a moment of quiet, briefest second in which she can feel how deeply Illidan’s words resounds with her, how deeply she feels it, from life that was not Xe’Ra’s to take to destiny that is his own, just as hers was, is, will always be. The moment ends too soon. All too quickly, it is brought to an end by a different voice loudly asserting his rage over Illidan’s actions, more vicious and angry and passionate than she remembered seeing in a long time.

When had he last acted like that? The rage upon seeing Lothar fall, perhaps. Turalyon had never been prone to outbursts of anger, seldom allowing himself to act on rage or resent. Lothar… Lothar had been his mentor, closer than even just his commander. There was connection between them, it is secret to no one; a bond, truly. And if any had been deserving of it, Anduin Lothar most certainly had; yet even drawing out such comparison thinking similar feelings would be attached to Xe’Ra sickens her (breaks her heart).

Breaks her further. Both relief and cathartic sense of justice done, found in seeing one pushed into a situation so similar to what Alleria herself had lived through destroy her tormentor, fade all too soon; feelings she had not even had the time to fully feel, truly, barely acknowledged at all amidst surprise and shock and rush of each turn of events. It is too much, too sudden, and amidst the overwhelming sea of feelings she experiences, she does not even know what is it she feels.

And then and there, for the first time in so long she does not remember when it happened last, Alleria feels like falling apart.

She doesn’t. Many years of shutting feelings tight within, burying them within own chest until they cannot hurt (until they hurt all the same, just as deep, just as truly, but all of it is securely beneath the skin) do not fail her then. Alleria barely acknowledges what happens, if focus is entirely on the scene before her; the words are lost in the haze, but she can see Turalyon’s sword (Lothar’s), half metal and half Light, and although she cannot see the wound, she can see Fel blood dripping to the floor, clawed hand holding sword in place even as it carves his flesh. Something Illidan says must have gotten to him, for eventually Turalyon withdraws, and eventually the demon hunter is left to brood in a corner, and eventually the paladin returns to the bridge, perhaps unsure how to go on about his duties then.

They have not been able to touch for many years now, but it is the first time Alleria is glad of it.

Even standing close to him feels like too much; but the mask does not slip, and neither him nor Vereesa nor Arator, not a single person in the multitude of faces within the Vindicaar, seems concerned when she offers some poor excuse of something to do, steps taking her away (away, away, even if she does not know where), aimless until she finds what she was looking for without conscious thought: a distant corner, empty and lonely and dark. Like she is. Where she belongs.

No strength is enough to keep herself together then.

The tears are quiet, if only because she does not dare making noise and drawing attention to herself — it’s not what she wants. Alleria does not resent that none of them noticed her distress; she has never been comfortable with exposing such feelings to others (lie; she had been comfortable enough once, with him, and the thought only causes her to cry more). If the sounds do not escape her, body still shakes with the soundless sobs, heartfelt, hurting, broken.

Xe’Ra is dead! Xe’Ra is dead. Gone, truly and completely this time. Why is it not enough? Why does it still hurt, even when she knows she is glad the Light Mother will never harm her or anyone else in attempt to force her will on them? Why does it hurt, when loathed dreading she had felt upon realizing what Illidan was going to suffer had turned to overwhelming relief, honest joy even, to see such fate averted and Xe’Ra dealt with? Why does it hurt regardless?

(How long have you been silent? How much have you ignored, set aside, pretended not to see? And now that she’s dead, what? Now you pretend and ignore and set aside and stay silent forever, because Xe’Ra is dead and it doesn’t matter anymore.)

Whatever she had suffered, it does not matter; not anymore. Her pain does not matter; this is as much justice as she will ever receive.

Her pain does not matter. And thoughts return to Turalyon, then, Turalyon who had once gone through lengths she expected none to go in order to help her; to offer her a hand she refused time and again, to do whatever he needed do to allow her to heal. Turalyon who shrugged off her concerns in favor of believing in Xe’Ra’s goodwill. Turalyon who knelt in front of Xe’Ra, who offered her respect and adoration he had not spared his so called wife. Turalyon who so eagerly threw himself at Xe’Ra’s killer, in blind rage that was not stopped by the logical thought he could not defeat Illidan, not truly, not when his own power would not have been enough to defeat the Prime Naaru.

Alleria had never resented the lack of further action when she was imprisoned. Turalyon stood with her then, between herself and Xe’Ra even, when he pleaded for her life. It was all she could have asked for; neither of them could defeat her, much less the entire Army of the Light. Alleria never meant to make them enemies, either. It was her path home, to accept Xe’Ra’s sentence; it was how she would reach Azeroth again (how she would see Arator again) — and Turalyon had done what he could. Had done enough.

Had done so much as he was willing to do, she thought now. He could have acted then how he acted now, could have known it was an impossible victory but raised his sword all the same. His lack of action was not because he knew it would be futile; he hadn’t done more because he hadn’t cared enough to do it.

He surely seemed to have a tremendous amount of care for the thing that kept her captive, however.

Arms wrap around her knees, attempt to make herself quieter, to give herself comfort (no; to make herself smaller, perhaps, as if she continued to shrink in her shadowy corner, she might disappear completely). It wouldn’t matter, would it? Arator had an aunt who would always be better mother figure than she could hope to be. He and Vereesa and Sylvanas had all believed her gone for so long; they didn’t need her (Sylvanas is the name that gives her pause; she hadn’t had the chance to meet her, hadn’t seen her in so long… but perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps it would be easier if she had not met any of them at all. At the very least, Sylvanas could be spared the disappointment.)

The Locus-Walker had taught her the Void would play her feelings to their purpose, and it never fails to prove true; her shadow companions, voices without bodies, whisper to fan the flames of her resent, to deepen her sorrow, to offer her comfort. It is barely effective at all; she is drowning in feelings all her own, sinking each time she briefly thinks she might swim again.

There is but one certainty for her, then and there; she does belong to the shadows, in the shadows, irreversibly, irrevocably. It is in the silent darkness she finds as much solace as she could find anywhere; and the cold nothingness of the Void does not feel like such terrible option after all.

[warwaged-archive]

@raerns​ said: How do you think Alleria finds out about the Purge of Dalaran? Does she confront Vereesa about it? What her thoughts and feelings regarding her sister once she learns what Little Moon had done?

UNPROMPTED ASKS // always accepting.

I think someone tells her, probably not Vereesa, and I think it doesn’t matter unless it’s someone she really trusts/respects, because otherwise, as we can see from how she took what Vereesa said about Sylvanas as true without questioning, she’ll believe Vereesa rather than most other people. She might ask Vereesa about it, but she not necessarily would, and if she did she wouldn’t be initially confrontational, because Alleria refuses to believe her sister would have done something like that without a valid reason (and a lot of people might be like ‘hey nothing excuses murdering a bunch of people to drive them out of a neutral city they had every right to be in!!!’ but that’s not how Alleria thinks so aksdnfkjasnd).

So hearing about it won’t change anything because Alleria will stubbornly refuse to believe her sister did a terrible thing, because she has so much blind faith in Vereesa. Taking from Three Sisters and how Vereesa makes herself to be a victim and deliberately lies about what happened between herself and Sylvanas, I really doubt she’d admit to having done what she did in the sense of having killed and imprisoned innocents, so unless it was someone else who could really cast doubt on that, Alleria would believe her.

There are a few people who could change that, though, Arator being the most obvious and most likely, but depending on how the subject was approached, and who was speaking to her, other people could too, given they’d have the opportunity/reason to speak of it. In that case, I think she’d definitely confront Vereesa about it, but even then very willing to hear her out and allow her a chance at an explanation. 

Her feelings are complicated because like I said, Alleria willfully ignores the possibility Vereesa may be at fault unless she has to, and this is a particularly sensitive matter because of who Vereesa turned against. That it was their people (and Alleria never being a Blood Elf does not change she felt they were her people still when she returned, the distinction between High and Blood elf really didn’t make that much of a difference to her at first, but that’s a different topic) really makes it all the worse. Doing something like that is inconceivable to her, there’s no good reason to do it (even siding with the Alliance, even being exiled from her homeland, Alleria takes no joy in being in the opposite side of Quel’thalas); she may overlook it if she believes Vereesa acted because she had to, because the sin’dorei were at fault and acting as Horde, not sin’dorei. But otherwise, it not all involved were to blame, if the reasoning is as flimsy as it is, then it would not sit well with Alleria no matter what Vereesa said.

She’d be angry at her for killing their people, disappointed that Vereesa turned against them, that innocent elves died there. But I think the thing here is that regardless of how angry or disappointed she may be, regardless of how much she condemns Vereesa’s actions, the really big matter would be that it would force her to acknowledge she no longer knows her sister as well as she may once have. Little Moon is not who she believed she was. And that means something of their connection is inevitably lost, and it’d hit Alleria pretty hard. A lot of why she believes in Vereesa so blindly is latching on to what little of family she has left when both with her sisters and with her husband and son she feels like everything is falling apart, and well, this would only further it.

Vereesa’s stance on the matter also plays a part on how she’d feel about it, because if she defends her actions as righteous and is later proven wrong, Alleria will also have to deal with doubt, not knowing how much she can simply trust her sister, not knowing what she may have lied about before. And in this case it will be even more difficult to salvage anything of their relationship, I think.