#think like a god that roleplays as a human every once in a while just because they're bored. and when they die they go back to godhood

[laugtherhyena]

Okay so maybe the wrinkly split head devil isn't the Aging devil itself, since it being called aging definitelly feels like a mistranslation and and public safety wanting to erase old age by sacrificing the younger generation fits the point the chapter is trying to get across much nicer than if the devil was aging itself (+ if you think about it for 2 seconds erasing aging as a whole is a terrible fucking idea since no one will be able to grow anything anymore and people will be stuck as babies and kids forever whereas erasing old age should just make people not age past adulthood and probably cause people who are already elderly to just dissapear on the spot)

But that doesn't mean i'm keeping Cherryboy the exact same because if old age specifically is enough to achieve primal fear level then aging as a whole has gotta be one too. So hooray! someone's getting a slight revamp in the future :)

[dotster001]

Labor Simulator

A sequel to Period Simulator *

Summary: Malleus/Crewel/Crowley/Rook/Vil/Idia x gn! Reader. The boys try a labor simulator.

Requested by @stygianoir and @ase-kjaere

3k follower Masterlist

* it was given a community label by the idiot Tumblr gods, and I don't know how to fight it. Just know, it's not a mature fic

When you come in with the machine, he looks up from whatever it is he's doing, and fixes you with a death glare.

He didn't even try the period simulator, why would he try labor simulator?

Get the fuck out. He has to think about this relationship. Don't worry he won't actually break up with you over this. He just wants you to feel bad

Look, you know labor is worse than cramps. But after he was such a champ with the period simulator, you think everything will be fine.

And you easily forget he's still a hot headed youth, not that much older than you, so you don't think much of it when he takes it from you, and puts it on immediately, telling you to do your worst.

You think you're the one who put him through this. But honestly, you're completely innocent. He's a silly, silly guy. With a big ego, and something to prove. Not to you, don't worry it's not your fault.

And he starts out fine. But by the end of it all, he's crying. Your cool, collected boyfriend is crying. So you turn it off, and hold him the way he holds you when you're sad. In the end, you end up feeding a part of him he didn't realize was starving.

Unlike Crowley, he might actually break up with you. He is not going to go through hours of "contractions", sweat through his makeup, and sob and scream like a baby just because you thought it might be funny.

The only way to save your relationship is to toss the machine to the side, and be like, "JK lol ha ha I would never have meant it literally :)"

As we previously discussed, he bought it himself, and pulled it out seconds after you took the period simulator off.

Why are you like this? Seriously, babe, you don't need to experience every aspect of life to appreciate true beauty! Ok. Ok fine.

So you put it on him, and start to do different levels to simulate different parts of labor. Only, just like before, he wants to roleplay. He'll grab your hand and hiss at you to be his breathing coach.

Things that'll happen while he makes you continue the exercise- he'll name your imaginary children (he's having triplets), he'll decide what school they are going to, he'll pause the simulation and teach you how to be a better breathing coach, he'll teach you how to give him an epidural (do not give it to him!), he'll teach you how to help deliver triplets, he'll try to teach you how to do a C section

Stop him, for the love of God, stop him. You'll have to literally fight him, but if you don't, he's putting a scalpel in your hand….

It was his idea! Human birth is fascinating to someone who came from an egg!

But, again, he comes up on the tragedy of the machine bursting into flames once he comes into contact with it. So, again, he finds a potion that would simulate-

Sebek kicks the potion out of his hands. He's been waiting for this ever since the previous incident, and he will not, I repeat, he will not allow his lord to put himself through an artificial human pregnancy!!!!!!!!

You'll have two faes angrily trying to get you to help them. On the one hand, one is your boyfriend, and you want to do whatever it takes to make him happy. On the other hand, the other is Sebek.

Choose wisely.

He totally didn't cry on the period simulator. And he totally didn't delete the footage in Ortho's data bank, and he totally didn't also wipe his memory of the moment. He'd delete your memories of it too if he could, he's looking into how to do it.

So if you challenge him, and tell him about a labor simulator, he's going to do it! By the sevens, he is going to succeed!

Cries immediately. You only have it at pain level three, and he's already backing out. Ortho says you should keep it going because it would be good for him to learn not to do things he isn't capable of. Idia will once again be deleting Ortho's memory files.

[gabessquishytum]

Dream hates summoning rituals, and even if he didn’t he has no idea where humans got the idea that he wants virgin sacrifices. He’s tried removing any trace of instructions on how to summon him, or at least get the word out that he doesn’t want any human sacrifices, virgin or otherwise. But every time, some group of worshippers, cult, or magical ne’er-do-wells finds some lost tome describing the ritual, and every one of these lost tomes claim the importance of having a virgin sacrifice.

This time, the virgin in question is nearly enough to tempt Dream; a gorgeous young hirsute man in revealing silks, bound to an altar, looking up at him with beguiling brown eyes. But no, Dream sticks to the by-now routine: get rid of the summoners, release the sacrifice—who introduces himself as Hob Gadling as he earnestly thanks the god for the rescue—and check that he is unharmed, then leave, hoping against hope that somehow this is in fact the last time.

But then when Dream is in fact summoned again, the virgin sacrifice just so happens to be Hob Gadling again. Weird, but whatever. Dream releases him once more, perhaps teases him a little for the repeated circumstances, and leaves again.

And then it happens again. And again, and again. When Dream asks, Hob swears that he’s not doing this on purpose, that these different people just keep grabbing him on his travels.

(While Hob is telling the truth, what he doesn’t say is that since meeting Dream, he might’ve stopped taking quite so many precautions around known cultist areas, and after he’s been grabbed he might stop trying to escape or fight them off once he’s sure it’s Dream they’re sacrificing him to)

Finally, after getting rid of his captors for the umpteenth time, Dream informs him that this would stop happening if Hob just got rid of his virgin status.

Hob immediately responds: “Are you offering to help with that?”

-🪽anon

I have this mental image of Hob sexily posing on a sacrificial altar with a rose between his teeth. He isn't even tied down. The cult members didn't even want to sacrifice him - they were planning to use a goat. But when Dream shows up he can't help but roll his eyes affectionately when Hob is like "omg we have to stop meeting like this!!!!"

The obvious solution is indeed to take away Hob’s virginity. In response to Hob’s question, Dream begins to provide a list of people who he thinks might be interested in deflowering Hob - "Well, my sibling Desire has never been known to turn down a willing partner. I also know a mage close to this village who often takes lovers. Or perhaps I could take you to a larger settlement for a better selection of candidates..."

Hob glares at him. He's not looking for other candidates. He wants Dream. Fortunately for him... Dream was only teasing.

It has been a very long time since Dream had a virgin all to himself. Hob is magnificent. His skin is soft and perfectly hairy, and his legs are strong and thick as he bounces himself energetically on Dream’s cock. He's perfect in every way and now he belongs body and soul to Dream for as long as he chooses to live. Hob moans loudly that he's going to live forever, and Dream believes him.

Now they rescue virgin sacrifices together. And reminisce about the way their eyes met as Hob wiggled against his restraints on the altar. Maybe they indulge in a little roleplay, when the rescued sacrifice has been released and set on the right path to the nearest village... Hob does just look so good all tied up!

[nomsfaultau]

Daily ask №12

Hobby edition!

Firstly, Author, what is YOUR favourite hobby? Besides writing? Mine is probably text roleplay if you're curious : D

I'm pretty sure that there was a list of hobbies for each character somewhere z or at least I've seen it written down that Tubbo likes gardening, but still, what is each character's hobby/hobbees?

Hobby swap. Every hobby gets sent to the person arter them in the order that you answered the second question in. How well does it go?

I do still remember that you wrote that Wilbur figures out that it has no hobbies when he doesn't have to get food so I suggest: Photography. I mean, they're already travelling through the USA and considering the fact that the foundation forgot about their existence they might as well have some fun and not hide constantly yk. Climb onto the statue of freedom or something. Why not. Might as well keep some memories!

Also it would just bee kinda ironic if Wilbur who has like the void thing which is the absence of light, photography as a hobby which is essentially capturing light.

5. What hobbies do you think whatever character/s would enjoy but aren't able to do due to their situation?

Man I don't think this one has an ounce of spoilers for Fault or content warnings!

1.Drawing. I find my drawing and writing is a very symbiotic process that keeps up passion about projects. I write a cool scene so I want to draw it, and while doing that I’m thinking about the story. Or I draw something sick as hell and am like well now I gotta put that in. I also like dnd but don’t play much alas.

2.I realized I was addressing the 5th question a little, so I’m going to put asterisks next to functional hobbies that they’re able to do on the run.

Tubbo gets the most exploration of hobbies due to the interlude WHiT Croplands. Tubbo definitely likes gardening because of Rhodes, though it’s also kinda cheating since flowers auto bloom once exposed to Tubbo long enough. Rosalind also has a lot of hobbies, and a bit of a problem with starting a new thing only to abandon it for the next project. So quilting*, painting, knitting. Tubbo also enjoys the Pokémon franchise. And they’re a dirty cheat at monopoly, can’t trust that guy at all. Also likes messing around in photoshop since they had an Instagram and needed to learn how to look like they badly photoshopped themselves into looking like a bug fairy thing.

Philza is seen doing a lot of meditating*, which is good for an embodiment of wrath. He’s probably picked up thousands of hobbies at one time or another. On speculation, he’s drawn to hobbies that involve fire and absolutely adores how creative humans are. Like part of Phil becoming a person was deffo influenced by humans changing the symbolic meaning of fire to include creation and protection. So metal work, glassblowing, anything with a combustion engine, etc. Philza was absolutely invested in the space race to an inordinate degree since they’re going into space with ROCKETS! He’s into cooking* and has a lot of random recipes that are nostalgic and tied to previous Collected. I can also see him doing a bonsai tree thing but like with a whole forest. Like sculpting how it grows over a few centuries. Ever see tree braiding?

I’m not sure if The Blade necessarily likes playing video games? I think he views it as a safe way to let The Blood God and voices go ham and appease their cries for slaughter. So it’s more The Blade disassociating while The Blood God plays, so I guess that makes video games his hobby instead. The Blood God finds it a little demeaning of his capabilities but at least The Blade is letting him out? His hooves and size would make it somewhat difficult, so probably tends towards turn based strategy games. The Blade does not let anyone around him when gaming for safety. The Blade personally prefers reading*, which is like narrating for an audience. The voices get really into it, and The Blade gets goofy and dramatic with it. It is difficult without his glasses tho given pigs are hyperopic.

Tommy likes video games, watching scary movies his mum forbid, and goofing around with his friends. He also gets into drawing at the Foundation using either his Red or Ros’ crayons. Not uh good at it but still it’s enrichment.

Wilbur has music* and that kinda it. A bit of a risk with instruments, given that’s extra weight to carry and the void could eat it but after a few messy obliterations over scratches the void has gotten the memo kinda. Wilbur likes the act of creating stuff to spit in the face of the void, but anything it makes runs the risk of eventually getting eaten by the void, which would really upset it. But music itself isn’t a physical object and so is safer. It’s a big coping mechanism for him to help calm down and control the void. The Foundation tried to ruin music for him but it didn’t work.

3.Tubbos wide array of hobbies would mesh well with Philza’s, and the gardening already aligns with the forest maintenance I hypothesized.

The Blade can’t meditate. He just can’t. He and Phil have a convo about it in the whumptober prompts thing since he’s frustrated meditating isn’t working and Phil just blinks and is like ‘? Why would my coping mechanisms be tailored to you? Come on mate let’s find something suited for you.’ All the fire related hobbies would also be no bueno bc he is very fluffy and very flammable. Might go for cooking tho, but on the whole he’s lazy and can just eat things raw so why bother.

Video games work out for Tommy, though I don’t think he’d be a fan of strat games. Reading is tricky with Red though, he needs someone else to hold a book. There’s a deleted scene where Tubbo and Tommy help each other read a book between the Red and dyslexia, with The Blade spoiling things and the pair getting salty.

Video games would drive Wilbur crazy since it doesn’t have the cultural background for them at all. Ever seen a grandparent try to play Minecraft? Plus he doesn’t like staying still in one place too long. Maybe a DS would work until the void tries to eat the cartridge. Scary movies don’t do anything to Wilbur because he IS a scary movie. And drawings are the worse for it since 1. Probably accidentally incorporates an evil rune subconsciously and gets cursed 2. Paper is Tastey snacc for void and prone to getting snapped up.

Tubbo canonically is bad at singing. I get the vibe Rosalind played the viola in middle school ? Sheet music can be rough on dyslexia though you can do stuff like use colored highlighters for different notes, though I don’t think Wil uses sheet music. They’d try to figure out simple tunes, very basic stuff. Tubbo wouldn’t be good but they’d have fun and annoy Wilbur.

4.There is the problem of photos getting eaten. I think he could convince the void that the camera itself is a dangerous creature that could vaporize them in a single flash of light if threatened. But if it could get the photos safe it would be a really good thing to help with its memory. Like visible proof xyz happened. Though I imagine what Wilbur and a human think is worth photographing is very different. Wilbur would have a blurry picture of a road captioned with something like ‘tastiest asphalt in Indiana’. Picture of random camping site ‘place where Phil admitted I was his favorite (this was not under duress)’. Picture of a lumpy cloud ‘if I got tall enough could I eat a cloud’

5. If Tubbo did beekeeping would that be like Mickey keeping Pluto as a pet.

Wilbur NEEDS to be in theater. Ideal enrichment for its dramatic soul. Interact with humans in a normal setting would be fantastic to work on the racism problem. It’s also the perfect medium for him since a performance is a one time thing that can’t be destroyed after the fact. Its main hold back would be the bad memory, but I think learning to value non survival memories could actually improve its memory and priorities. Theater is like 3 different character arcs for him. Also put him in a hot dog eating contest. I need Joey Chestnut to taste overwhelming loss.

Also put Tommy in an improv troop he needs it. Or therapy. He needs therapy as a hobby.

Alas having fingers holds The Blade back from a lot of things. But I think it would be funny to plop that man in a furry convention and try to scam people into giving him money to also make them giant crazy realistic suits. Would he do this. Never. It would be mean and require talking to a lot of people. However. It would be hysterical.

Back in Philza’s day, you could just be a leviathan monster in the ocean and eat entire whaling ships. But now you can’t anymore. Becuase woke.

[artificialcorby]

So, I wrote a thing on my Roleplay account on Twitter. My version of Soap struggles with his sexuality because of internalized homophobia. Not the kind that makes you harass or think less of people. No. The kind that makes you think you're not normal for having these kind of thoughts. Might speak a bit from personal experience here. Anyway... Here's what I wrote. Enjoy.

"Forgive me for I have sinned." Soap mutters into his folded hands. Between his palms dangles a small golden cross on a necklace that's tangled with his interlaced fingers. There is no one around to hear his confession as he kneels in front of his bed, elbows propped onto the mattress, no one to ask him the nature of his sin, or ask how long it's been since he last confessed. There is no judgement here. So maybe this is why he chooses seclusion rather than speaking to another human, who - in his opinion - is just as fallible as himself. He addresses his God directly and hopes HE will judge him right, knowing he is not a bad man for having flaws and indecent thoughts. Once again he got lost in thought the other day. It was during a briefing when his mind stopped paying attention to Price and wandered off while his gaze studied Ghost's mask, always curious what might be beneath. Does he have scars? Is his skin pale or tanned? Does he shave daily or does a scruff beard adorn a sharp jawline? How do his lips feel? He imagined trailing his fingers along Ghost's cheek, like a blind man reading braille, memorizing every detail. Suddenly Ghost turned his head, caught Soap staring absent minded and slowly leaned in to him. Soap's heart skipped a beat as the other's face moved closer to his own, those captivating eyes kept him in place like the proverbial rabbit. When their faces were mere inches apart, Ghost's low voice sounded from behind the mask. "Focus, Sergeant." he scolded Soap and pulled away again to turn his attention back to the briefing. Even now his heart starts racing at the thought of those eyes staring him down. Even now he can hardly fight the inappropriate thoughts that fill his mind, trying to force his body into action. He had those thoughts before, for the main part of his adolescence and ever since. But never as intense as they are when he is around Ghost. He shouldn't even have these damn thoughts about his lieutenant in the first place. Or about other men in general. A deep sigh leaves his throat before he murmurs again. "I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of Heaven and the pains of Hell. But, most of all, because they have offended Thee, my God, Who art all good, and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy Grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen." He remains on his knees for another moment, letting his words sink in between himself and the silence of the empty room. When he gets up, he will stow away the golden necklace safely in a small box under his bed again, where he keeps a few personal items. And after that he will join his mates at the gym, to work this devil out of his system.

[moonykore]

The Legend of the Notos SMP

Hi hi! In case you don’t know, me and some friends started a pirate themed roleplay smp based on a song of The Oh Hellos, Notos. I wrote the world-building and the legend that make our characters get stranded on an island, and I was so happy with the result that I decided to share it here! English is not my first language but I think it was nice besides some mistakes.

If you are interested on any of the creators here you have all the links: https://linktr.ee/notossmp

Note: this is a rp with friends and we are not experts so if you go from here and you are like, a pro roleplayer or something don’t judge us, we are just having fun lol.

PD: if you know songs like “Savages”  by Marina and the Diamonds and “Youth” by Daughter you’ll notice two or three references to them in the text! Hehe

"For a while, the world was peaceful. The four season were pure harmony every year, and no one dared to disturb the quiet place.

The creature that inhabited the earth that never finished, the silent ones, were placid and calm so they wouldn't wake up the superior entities that had given them such a pure and peaceful world.

But no quietness lasts forever, and the human appeared. A ticking bomb about to explode.

No land that the humans stepped on knew peace.

Clenched fists and bloodstained hands marked these creatures that once thought could be gods.

In the sigh of the true deities they were only slightly more intelligent animals, killin only for themselves, and not for any savior,

An endless tale of war and death. Perennial murder, blood staining the grass, red flowers once white.

Sometimes humans would look Death in the eyes and sneer, and Death would answer with emotionless sight, never flustered by arrogance.

"There will come a day when greed and power will destroy them"

The voices of humans, strident and bleeding with dark sorrow reached all the kingdoms, all the starry skies of the world. The underworld and the Elysian fields.

There was no one in the universe who did not know about these warlikes creatures.

But their voices woke her up, the entity of The End, and with her the winds woke up too.

The world was struck with misfortune.

The silent ones trembled in fear, the deities had awakened, and their world had been corrupted by abuse and temptation.

The winds powerful like no other besides Her, surrounded the humans. "You knew power" they said. "You held it in your hands, wielding it like the Player once did with a King, but instead of using the King to heal, you used it to hurt.

You targeted the innocent, and now the innocent targets you.

You have withered this world, and now you deserve a lesson. You'll never fire a gun and run again. We'll force you to behave.

The next time you hurt someone, you will be dragged where you won't be able to escape your actions.

The island will catch you, and you will never be able to escape. You will be left behind to fall. With a mortal body but always living souls.

And in the world only a shadow will settle in the place where you once were.

A silhouette of everything that went wrong.

And it will be repeated over and over again.

An endless loop, humans trapped by pride.

You'll face your sin and take it to your grave"

[baladric]

What first got you into writing? How did you develop your style? And have you got any tips for other budding writers out there? Also who are your favourite authors and poets?

this got LONG but i'm going to tell myself you were ASKING FOR THAT and take a breath a;ldfkjwo;dfjsf

i can't remember if my inuyasha self-insert fic days predated my gaiaonline roleplaying days, but it was one of the two! definitely entirely a form of escape from a very painful and lonely life, but i think it was actually several years after i started definitionally Writing™ before i got into it, you know? i don't remember what kickstarted it, but somewhere along the way, i realized that i could really do whatever i wanted to, and i discovered figurative language and non-linear storytelling really went hogwild on some super niche death note fics ;alkfjwd and from there i started writing prose-poetry and really just. splashing around in there. i've been a musician my whole life, and it was like i'd realized that i could put music into the written word, like i wrote entirely for the way things tripped off my internal ear—like this one line from a poem i wrote when i was 14 still sticks with me, Leaves stain, leaves stains (rough obviously, but it was my first foray into writing about visual imagery that stuck in my sad little head)

my style started as its own nascent messy little thing, and like. man, people on here don't talk about Lolita because. you know. it's literally the apotheosis of the stuff that gets people wound-up in fandom spaces? literally a novel about SA and pedophilia and grooming—but the thing is, there's a reason it's considered a central part of the western literary canon, and that book revolutionized me as a writer. nabokov's entire thing really is just. ear-worms as text, like i cannot even express how often i still think "I am just winking happy thoughts into a little tiddle cup", or how many times i'll echolalia my way through this one line from the intro bit of the book: "Lo-Le-Ta: The tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth." take or leave the content of the book, nabokov does it like none other—or he did until ocean vuong published On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous, which is just. idk if you haven't read it, please please please, do yourself a favor and make space for it. it's the most effecting book i've ever read, as well as the most gorgeous and the most lovingly, grievingly composed.

You once told me that the human eye is god's loneliest creation. How so much of the world passes through the pupil and still it holds nothing. The eye, alone in its socket, doesn't even know there's another one, just like it, an inch away, just as hugry, as empty. Opening the front door to the first snowfall of my life, you whispered, "Look."

if i can ever write a single sentence that pins the wide universe and the complex sorrow and joy of the human experience in place the way ocean vuong does, i will die happy. honestly.

favorite authors/poets is in vein with that last bit, but the short list anyway:

ocean vuong, esp On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous (novel) and Time is a Mother (poetry)

maggie stiefvater, specifically The Raven Cycle—i could (and have) gone on for hours about the way she puts her readers into a tactile, vivid world, and her singular skill for spinning characters so contradictory and multifaceted that, to my mind, they're whole entire people, instead of the archetypes or loving stereotypes of most other fiction

richard siken, for Crush, which. i mean, i'm a gay man obsessed with words, this one really goes without saying lmao, if you read nothing else from it, read Snow and Dirty Rain. it is my gospel and my lifeblood, i have it memorized and still i reread it every week.

katherine addison taught me so much about storytelling, unreliable narrators, and the complexities of healing/trauma recovery while contending with rigid society (tragically pertinent to our present lives)—her Chronicles of Osreth (comprised of The Goblin Emperor, Witness for the Dead and The Grief of Stones)

maggie nelson, both for Bluets and The Argonauts

becky chambers—Psalm for the Wild-Built altered me as a person, it is gorgeous and soaring and humble and such a necessary book

donna tartt, obviously

anne carson, also obviously

freya marske—will read anything she ever writes, her language is lush, her worldbuilding is unique and spectacular, and her smut is HOT

alexandra rowland, for the same reasons as freya marske, but also their characters are so stunningly sympathetic, as well as really loving examples of neurodivergence in fiction (evemer hoşkadem, my deeply autistic beloved)

robin hobb really writes a toxic, complicated relationship saga like none other, i am stunningly enraged by Realm of the Edlerlings and also am physically incapable of not thinking about it constantly

and then there's the authors who taught me about magic: Garth Nix (The Old Kingdom Series), Holly Black (Modern Faerie Tales), Tamora Pierce (Protector of the Small), and Francesca Lia Block (Weetzie Bat)

writer tips!!!!!! this is hokey, but honestly my main advice is READ and also HAVE FUN. storytelling is the oldest human act, and language is the show where everything's made-up and the points don't matter. language is a sandbox, and it's there for you to literally just fuck around in. it can be whatever you want—it can be your raison d'être as a writer, but also it can be incidental. it can be a means to an end, economical, and some of the best stories are taken with that approach. but also you can paint with language, if you want to. you can compose music with it. you can do whatever suits your fancy.

my second tip is WORD COUNT DOESN'T MATTER. stop counting. stop stop stop holding yourself to the weird, quantity-obsessed writer culture. 2,000 words a day? nobody has time for that except full-time writers or those really rare writers who blink and 5k words fall onto the page. personally, if i'm sitting down to write and i'm really determined to actually get something onto the page, whether or not it's necessarily good, i'll force out 200 words. 200! i can't remember where i got this tip, but the point of that number is that 200 words is attainable even on the most blocked day, and by the time you hit your 200th word, you're gonna be in the middle of a sentence or a thought that you'll have to finish, and you end up with 300. or you hit 200 and you've broken through the fog and warmed up to it, and you leave with 700 or 1,500 (or a couple wild times for me, 5k).

my third tip: if you're a writer, EVERYTHING IS WRITING. this goes for art, music, literally any creative pursuit. walking out your door in the morning is writing, because you're learning things about the world, you're processing stimuli, your wheels are never not spinning. every video game you play, every show you watch, every fic you read is inherently a generative act, because that story is entering your store of knowledge to be processed and synthesized and lend you inspiration for the kinds of stories you want to tell, or the characters you want to make, or even the kinds of things you want to avoid as a creator. i can't tell you how much i've learned from games (Outer Wilds, i'm lookin at you!!) or tv (Station Eleven....) or music (Joanna Newsom really should be on my list of authors) or fanfiction (if you're a goblin emperor beastie and you haven't read celebros's Blackbird series, RUN, don't walk. i learned literally everything about creating character conflict within a framework of love that really motivates characters to work at it and not just get angry and walk away, and i remain uhhHHH fuckin Gobsmacked and reeling that she wants to write with ME a;lkdjfalw;dfs also literally one of my most formative collaborative and creative experiences came from reading kingdom hearts fanfiction in 2010, so) so!!!! just live your life!!! think about what makes you tick, what makes stories tick, think about the stars or birds or the history of glassblowing, whatever lights you up, and that energy will find its way into the things you make.

oh and also NEVER FEEL BAD FOR TAKING BREAKS. and i don't mean a 5-minute break, or a few days. i mean weeks. i mean months or years or what-have-you. sometimes it's just not there, and that's not a failing. your creations aren't content, they're little critters you make with love, and you can't love a thing you're banging your head against day and night. take breaks. allow yourself ebbs and flows in your creativity. everything hibernates, and i promise it'll wake up again and it'll be better than you left it.

end point: i Love You, and if you're writing or hoping to write or planning to write, i love your writing, too, nascent or tangible.

[incarnateirony]

I truly never thought I'd have to do this kind of craft work on a human, but I think that's it, I don't see her as that anymore and she voluntarily signed on, against my consent, so now we're here.

Yeah, lady, the world itself looks really weird, every screen name is a triplicate joke, the audience barks when I tell them to just like you do, and you're being mined, and the universe is returning it back to you in reflections while you get hollowed out and replaced by whatever the fuck I put in there since you refuse to stop. And there's literally millions of us and them now. And you're stuck until you make the only intelligent choice, and I think you're too far gone for that.

Welcome to how a real Magician does battle. But spit on a crystal for me. That'll save you from me successfully warping reality to end you slowly and miserably, sure.

Ability restrictions temporarily lifted until the enemy is rendered Silent.

Print me out another warning sign that's meant for you.

Humanity is all one giant Soul, Shealyn, and so is he, formless and partless, and humanity, and you refused to ever get to know him through yourself, and you repress and deny and run from anything of your own, and try to steal the identities of others, so like, the You, that is an Identity with some Real Estate on the World Soul? Sis there ain't much there. And with most of it being you strapping my identity over you, I'd win even without you signing to me like an octopus jibberish spewing dumbass.

Like, it's just gonna get worse. It's very much an unbroken circle. Several actually. Your material is mined, and either given to me, distributed to the focus of others and dissolving into the universe, and then the universe trades that in the current timeline for the same information being displayed, and now glitchtrap turned the pizza plex into the sewers of the dark hour, and multiple Tartari are hitting to reinforce this focus, and more games and queues are already locked and loaded. 100 million eyes right into conceptual Tartarus, atop the 30M I already had banging around in there that pointed out to the others that it was fuckin Tartarus, thanks. Yeah, figure it out, sweetheart, you're FUCKED.

Even your own interests, what few are actually yours, soon will not even be safe to engage with anymore. Time to climb Tartarus hunters, on Supernatural Sundays.

It doesn't miss me that, through all of this nonsense, you've seen me as Loki, or Anubis, or Eros, or the Reaper, or whatever the fuck, depending on what I'm using to skin your grey matter at the time, but in all of this, you never even once appealed to your fake voice of hermes you claim to be a priestess of, which is incredibly odd. Maybe because you know how quickly you'd get embarrassed, and instead choose to embarrass yourself with this other shit.

You said you didn't want anyone who wouldn't defend you. Where the fuck is he? Oh right, not defending at you. Helping me slap possessed cat memes and christmas in the pit jokes on the backbrains of the internet backrooms while you wander around lost amidst the dancing shrimp of everyone knowing your shit subconsciously. Fuck me running. Neverminding you just deadass letting your grampa get basically nuked. Not my fuckin fault, side effect of your OWN choice to sacrifice him, how this shit works, the beacon and everything set up. Sorry, he got shredded. You coulda just stopped but now I think he's part of the deadpool reaper or what the fuck ever that became.

Catch a clue bitch, even if I don't call it magic, what I'M doing is "magic". What you're doing is regressive coping with some roleplay elements. It's not the same thing.

The gods are not your stuffed bunnies, your comfort pals, they're not in love with you, you do not have nightly couch parties across seven pantheons where they make sure your delirious ass feeds fluffy because you're such a pretty special princess that doesn't have to do anything. You are a schizoid with disassociative habits that has manipulated and deleted real narratives through life to make it by, and conned everyone around you including yourself, and built an altar to my face to speak divine octopus jibberish, because you can't let go. And now, the couch party of gods in your head is all me poking you when I find it funny, because you are only possessed by two things: your obsession with me and inability to let go, and by proxy of pissing me off this bad by me myself now.

Did you think I was kidding when I said I'd End this one way or another now that your titanically stupid ass set off the acme trap? Release Coyote, goddamn. Let me go. I'm sorry I wasn't able to guide you and I'm sorry I or even he didn't know how to help you find yourself, we tried to give advice and you always went the other way, even when we were on good terms, hence Driving In Reverse. But this shit is gonna end. For the years of pain and grief you've caused me, and the harassment, and all of the bad information you've given to people that encourage opposite-land behaviors to what the god you're claiming teaches. As is point proven in the difference, while you bounce around blind as my radio receiver and start unspooling and I'm just over here moonwalking to it while mutating into the god of memes, like, what's not clicking. Let me go.

Do you even understand what an insufferable piece of shit you've had to be to make me go to this limit? You didn't even know I could do shit like this, you saw parts close to it, or elements of it used in other things, but you never saw this, and sure as shit don't understand it. I've never done this to anyone ever. Ever. You are a first and probably the last. But there is so much harm, and ill will in you, you're just here to wander around selfishly caging what you can and trying to annoy them to death while KNOWING you're full of shit, even indirectly admitting it recently. Like it's OVER, you got ONE CHOICE AND REFUSE, so yeah, we're gonna keep minecrafting you to bits and see what happens when I rebuild a different human from the inside-out.

[melapisdeagros]

So Vivziepop just posted a new song, and one of my friends mentioned that they liked Helluva Boss and was surprised that I liked it too (which is somewhat fair; it's a little out of my usual range, but cmon, just because I don't want THEIR brand of weird stuff honest mean I don't like SOME bizarre stuff - I'm friends with them for crying out loud). And I always listen to them info dump about whatever play through, manga, video game quest, or kin characters cause I want to be a good friend. No one ever heard me info dump about this sorta stuff (mainly cause I would little rather kill myself than amidst half the shit I'm into, let alone the detail level I know about it). I always try to be as into it as I can, right??? Like, I don't actually find this shit exciting or fun or see any point in being into it. Still, IF MY FRIEND LIEKS BY God, I'm GONNA LISTEN AND MAKE INTERESTED NOISES AND ACKNOWLEDGE AND ENCOURAGE THEM IN THEIR EMOTIONALISM OVER IT CAUSE I GET IT!! And I rarely (even still) offer any of my content or info dumps (and believe me, I could go for days) because I'm still lingeringly embarrassed and have the lifelong instinct to hide my interest, hide the things that really make me happy, cause people will either mock it or disparage it or just not be entered or care enough. It's all so fucking stupid anyway. And getting shut down HURTS. So I just don't offer anything in return, which makes all my relationships unbalanced, and I get frustrated. Long story short, I tried telling them about the song, but they were tired from a concert, and then I tried showing them again, and they said they hadn't been that into Helluva Boss in a while and they "didn't care, I sorry." MOTHERFUCKER YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT HALF THE SHIT YOU SHOW ME???!!!! NOOO. NONONONONON. NO SIR, NO MA'AM, NO HUMAN. I DON'T GIVE A SINGULAR FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR WRITING CHAINS, OR YOUR MINECRAFT PLAYTHROUGH, OR ROLEPLAY EGG DADDIES, OR SPLATOON, OR MIKU, OR HOMESTUCK, OR ANY OF IT. IT'S DUMB AS SHIT, AND SO FAR FROM MY INTEREST, I'm HONESTLY SHOCKED WE'RE FRIENDS. YOU MENTIONED BEING SLIGHTLY INTO A THING I LIKE, BUT WHENEVER I TRY TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOU, YOU DON'T WANNA. Harry Potter? You hate it now. PJO? You seem to be over it in that you've gleaned every bit of literary knowledge and now consider it childish. Helluva Boss? Paternity, you're so over it. You said my actual nightmare sentence. Don't you care about what I'm showing you? That's fine. I do watch what you show me. But at least I try. I let you talk to me for hours; I allow you to share your interests, listen to your music, and watch the animations you show me. Because I want to be a good friend and try to enjoy the things that bring you joy. Wish you could do the same fucking thing for me once in a goddamn while.

[diabolocracy]

Games that have accrued something of a puritanical userbase that I do not understand: Space Station 13.

Every ERP server in the hub is clearly labeled (ERP, 18+) and while there are no filters in the hub, people have eyes, usually. I mean, they clearly are able to see that those servers exist enough to bitch about them every now and then. And god forbid the 18+ ERP server allows for roleplay situations like noncon (although there are some servers, and some mods - not gonna name names - take hold the stance that even if you don't want to play out that kind of scene you have to, anyway, 'you know what you signed up for coming here,' which is kind of scummy).

When SPLURT surfaced, most of the drama was because "ew erp the game is dying reee think of the kids they don't even have a whitelist what will people think if they see another ERP server at the top of the hub our reputation that doesn't actually exist because this game is niche as fuck is going to shit" (you had to input your year and date of birth into a pop-up field upon entering the server--very much akin to visiting most other adult sites on the internet, including roleplay sites--if you lied, that was on you).

There was comparatively little wank about the headmin (at the time? I didn't bother to keep up with admin changes, I don't even go there) being an unironic nazi. It was there, but most people seemed to have been more upset because the server was (is) unabashedly lewd.

Except it isn't that lewd. I checked it out once to see what all the hubbub was about. The round I observed just looked like a very slightly spicy game of SS13.

Meanwhile in the game itself - There is gratuitous amounts of murder and gore - You can dismember people, reattach different limbs, leave them to forever be a living stick, and so on - You can acquire human skin and human meat by feeding a human into a gibber machine; you can make things with the skin and eat the meat - Basically you can roleplay Doctor Menghannibele in everything but name provided you're an antagonist - In some of the "normal" servers, fantasy racism against non-humans by other players is 100% fine; in some servers you can't take on certain roles if you aren't human; in some servers you don't have AI protections if you aren't human - Drug use is normalized, everything from liquor and weed to bath salts and krokodil and meth (the most popular) - Police brutality is normalized, shitsec sux - There's a blood cult wherein upon converted you accrue spells by cutting into your own flesh - And so on--if you can think of it you can probably do it

You'd think the game would have a net rating of at the very least ~15+ and be treated accordingly, but most servers allow people 13+ (and younger) to play this game. At least one server has a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy (they will ban kids if they make it obvious they're kids), though they claim to be 18+ (ERP is banned, however). These servers don't get any flak unless they're furry servers, but then it's just 'ew furries how degenerate lol.'

It's weird. So dumb.

[kpop-hive]

NSFW A-Z Analysis|P. Seonghwa

Finally! My first A-Z Analysis! Hope you all enjoy ❤️

A - Aftercare 💋

Seonghwa is one of the main boys that I think about when it comes to aftercare. He’s not called the “mom” of the group for nothing. After every intimate time you two have with each other, he makes sure that you are always taken care of. Water and aspirin will be on the table, heating pads, extra pillows, and he’ll sometimes even cook you something if you tell him you’re hungry, not to mention the extra kisses he gives you if you have a part of your body that’s sore.

B- Body Part 🫀

On you, your eyes, Seonghwa loves to look into them whenever he can, he loves to admire them and knows that he can detect if you are okay at any given moment because you are so expressive with them. On him, he loves his tongue because most of the time he says the right things to you to make you swoon, and he also knows how to use it very well. 😉

C- Cum 💦

If he’s going to cum anywhere, it’s inside you, no other question. He likes the feeling of filling you up so easily and loves how warm it makes the both of you feel inside due to the intimacy that is radiating from both of you. On more less intimate nights, he may be okay with releasing in your mouth or on your boobs, but that’s every blue moon.

D- Dirty Secret 🤫

Seonghwa wants to try Roleplay. He figured this out when he was gone on tour and missed you deeply, since you weren’t able to answer his calls, Seonghwa decided to watch some porn, as soon as he played the most intriguing video, he was hooked on the idea of Roleplay. He enjoyed the way the girl was a bad student and the guy was a teacher trying to straighten her out. He wants to try it to spice up the bedroom, but he has never admitted it to you. He almost did when you both went to an adult store and he could not stop ogling at the sexy student costume.

E- Experience 🕊

Seonghwa seems to always peg me as the guy who knows what he’s doing but has never been serious about it. I take as someone who has a lot of experience, but it’s his first time doing it with someone he cares about. He has everything locked down except for the feeling of doing it with someone special so it took him awhile to get used to the intimacy of you and him instead of a one night stand type of thing.

F- Favorite Position 💃🏽

Missionary, there’s no other. He loves looking into your eyes, the closeness of it, as well as the perfect feeling he gets as he cums deep inside you, it also helps him control his pace really well when you need him to go slower, faster, harder, or deeper.

G- Goofy 😂

Seonghwa is a sex god, and I don’t think he would be particularly goofy, I see him as the type to ask you a kind of funny question to make you more comfortable, let out a chuckle and then get back to work, he values sex quite a bit and wants to make sure that both of your needs are met before any type of funny business happens.

H- Hair 🪒

He makes sure that he is very well groomed down there, he doesn’t like the look of hair on himself at all but knows that it is human anatomy and can’t change that so he makes sure that he regularly trims himself. On you, he thinks the same, if he sees that you take care of your hair (Trim, Shave, or Wax) instead of just letting it get out of control, he commends you for it.

I- Intimacy 💍

Like I said, Seonghwa is working on intimacy. He values you and loves you, it’s just taking him a while to completely show it. Every once in a while he will do things to make you both get into the intimate side of things like drawing you a bubble bath that you both can soak in, having wine and strawberries after sex, leaving more kisses, open conversations at night (pillowtalk), but he is trying and actually doing really well.

J- Jackoff 🍆

He’s very secretive about it, he doesn’t want his members to know, and hardly you to know either, he doesn’t do it all the time, but only when it comes down to the only option. If he knows your not available and he is extremely horny, he will jackoff as soon as he can. This definitely happens more often on tour than anything.

K- Kinks 🌟

If it’s one thing that I know for sure that Seonghwa likes, it’s praise, he loves making you feel good with his own words, he’s also is a big fan of marking, seeing your body covered in bruises, hickeys, or love bites is definitely a sight for him, and of course Seonghwa’s kinks are nothing without a name kink, getting to hear you whimper “sir,” or “daddy” will have him ready to pound into you at any given moment.

L- Location ✈️

Seonghwa enjoys his privacy, so I wouldn’t think of anywhere else than your apartment, an empty dorm, and that would be it. He doesn’t want his members to walk in and see you two fucking so of course he’s gonna wanna have sex with you in a safer place. If you two feel like you want to take things up a notch, he would try to rent a hotel room every once in a while just for the sake of being alone in a luxurious way.

M- Motivation 🏆

Seonghwa doesn’t really have a clear motivation that gets him going. I see him as just the type to just think about you in a sexual way, and it turns him on. He loves you so much that there really isn’t one thing that makes you stand out from all the other things. It usually takes him one thought of you opening your legs for him, or exposing your chest for him to re-enact his fantasy.

N- No 🥀

Never wants to see you cry! Dacryphilia is not for him. Anything that can draw tears is a no no. No extreme pain, No cheating, No harsh words, etc. He hates to see you cry because of him, he loves you so much the last thing he wants to do is hurt you physically, mentally, or emotionally. He really is a gentleman towards you.

O- Oral 🦋

He prefers to give more than receive, which brings me to this… Have you seen his tongue? It can never stay in his mouth! So it’s natural reaction for him to give good oral. He knows all your favorite and sensitive spots to your pussy, it’s hard to even think he would be bad at oral. As soon as you spread your legs, the boy is all into it, wrapping his arms around your thighs, and finally getting to work, making you a mess above him. Now when you go down on him, expect him to let out those deep groans that make you even more aroused than you were before. He loves a good suck, I’ll tell you that… fuck I need a chill pill 💊.

P- Pace 🏃

He lives for a fast pace, but on some days, he loves a sensual and slow pace. He likes to get you loud when he can do that’s when he initiates the fast pace, but on intimate nights when he wants you to feel every part of him, he goes at a slow pace making sure to go deeper as well, it draws your whimpers and whines and he loves it, he’s a man of many paces.

Q- Quickies ✨

He’s not really into them tbh. He likes the idea of full on sex. He thinks that quickies can be a waste of time especially when there’s a likely chance that you guys will fuck again in the same day or night a few hours after said quickie. He prefers to wait so that when you guys finally get to fucking, your orgasms will be way more intense because the both of you chose to wait and delay the pleasure.

R- Risk 🔥

Seonghwa is not really that risky, but there are some moments where he can be. Especially when he’s near the other members. Sometimes he can get so caught up in the moment that he doesn’t care how loud the both of you are and doesn’t really care about someone walking in. He can be secretive, but he does enjoy his little risks with you, it becomes thrilling.

S- Stamina ⏳

Seonghwa can last quite a long time. He definitely enjoys his time with you for quite some time. On slower nights he could go at the most three rounds, but on nights were his energy is filled with passion, expect up to six rounds. You on the other hand, just have to make sure you eat vitamin enriched foods and have plenty of water just for those long ass nights.

T- Toys 🧸

Not too much into toys but has some sort of a fun time using them. He loves to use them on you more than him. He literally only has two toys for you, a dildo and a vibrator and likes to use them either to punish you, or make you have a more intense orgasm. He does want to try a butt plug on you though.

U- Unfair ⚡️

All of Ateez can be hella unfair, but he is one of the main members that I can see who is hella unfair, he loves teasing you and delaying your orgasm, just for one powerful orgasm at the end of the night. He likes to tease so he definitely enjoys seeing you a whimpering mess underneath him. You hate it most of the time but your final release of the night makes up for it.

V- Volume 😩

He loves hearing your moans, so it’s unlikely for him to moan loudly, he lets out deep low groans and they get louder as he is reaching his peak. Sometimes you want him to be more loud with you because his voice is so perfect and amazing in your ears, especially when he is near your ears kissing up your neck 😫.

W- Wild Card 👻

Seonghwa couldn’t keep his eyes off of your frame as soon as he saw you walk in with the innocent white lingerie set he surprised you with earlier. It really captured your beauty and complimented the falling snow outside as you both stayed warm in your apartment. As you seductively walked over to him sitting in a chair, his slender legs man-spreading as his upper body slouched, you got down on your knees reaching for his belt buckle as Seonghwa thought about all of the things he wanted to do to you tonight.

X- X-ray 💀

Seonghwa gives me such long dick vibes. I feel like he is long enough to where his dick hits your cervix so well that it’ll get you whimpering instantly. He doesn’t have much girth but he makes up for it in length. I feel like he also has a really pretty dick with a nice tip that you would love to stare at like it belonged in a porno.

Y- Yearning 🍃

He has his needy nights where he needs you so much he can’t wait. His control is pretty standard but for a 23-year-old man, he is in his sexual awakening phase so it’s not like it’s a problem. There’s days when he’s horny and days where he can wait. He’s got a very healthy sex drive.

Z- Zzz 😴

He can stay up for a pretty long time depending on how hard you both went on a particular night. He will wait until you are passed out against his chest before he even thinks of sleep, but there are some instances where he will knock himself out as soon as he’s had the best orgasm of his life.

[wri0thesley]

Nat, what are your headcanons for what kinks the JJK boys might be into? You choose which ones!!! (but it would be nice if you included sukuna ok bye👉👈)

anon you do not know what you are unleashing

warnings: mentions of dom/sub relationships, sensory deprivation, gags, blindfolds, pet play, spanking, jealousy, marking, pegging, breeding, bondage, humiliation, toys, dacryphilia, dumbification, corruption kink, predator/prey, unhealthy dynamics, somnophilia, guns, knives, needleplay, medical play. there’s a lot here. 

♡ —-> below the cut: gojo, nanami, geto, toji, sukuna, mahito <—-  ♡

♡ Gojo is one of those men who will try anything once, just to both say he has tried it and to see if he likes it. He hasn’t found something he hasn’t good at yet, and he sure as hell isn’t about to start with sex. He’s mostly a top; one of his absolute favourite things to do with you is to remind you of his strength. How powerful he is - he likes taking you against walls, holding you up with nothing but his own arms. He likes reminding you of what power he has over you. Big fan of you on your knees, looking up at him, pawing at him for attention. He likes overstimulating his partner until they don’t think they can come any more, and then they do. He also loves getting you to come without touching you; just seeing how utterly whipped you are for him. He also really likes sensory deprivation; gagging you, blindfolding you, tying your wrists together so you can’t touch him and all you can do is feel his hands sliding all over you. Has a bit of a kink for you dressing up cute; put on some cat ears, some frilly lingerie or a maid costume and he’ll be ripping it off of you in moments. If you’re smaller than him, he’s got a size kink - interlacing your hands with yours and smirking about how small they are, how small they’d look wrapped around his cock. He’s also a big fan of marking; he has a jealous, possessive streak. He hates thinking of other people touching you - hates it when you come home and other people’s cursed energy clings to you, and wants to ensure that it’s covered only with his. You can get him to sub for you, but he’ll be topping from the bottom, a bratty, cocky little monster as you peg him and he taunts you with ‘come on, you can go harder!’. 

- ♡ -

♡ Nanami’s kink is making you feel good.

Oh, he’s a top alright - he’s one of those stern, caring dominants who loves heaping praise on you when you’re good, and punishes you as if it’s your own fault, acting as though he’s sorry to have to do it as he spanks you even though his cock is hard and straining by your cheek. He mostly likes your obedience; likes you to cockwarm him if he asks, with any of your holes - likes it if you run to do whatever he says. He loves tieing you up with his tie - he also loves shibari, though he clicks his tongue and admonishes you when you squirm. He’ll take you out with a rope harness under your clothes to a fancy restaurant and his eyes will darken as you squirm and the ropes press against your most sensitive areas. If you want him to be a mean dom, though, he’ll gladly provide - just expect to be absolutely smothered with gentle aftercare afterwards. 

He’s got a bit of a hard-on for the idea of you being cute and domestic at home, waiting for him - wearing a frilly apron and nothing else, asking him how his day was, wearing a pretty night set and letting him slip inside of you while you’re half-asleep. He has a big breeding kink; he just wants you to know that you’re his, and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Perhaps has a little bit of a thing for public sex, though he’d deny it if asked - still, on a train, he always presses himself very close to you so you feel the hardness in his crotch and one of his arms wraps around you, big hands dangerously close to your more intimate areas. 

Also, call him ‘Sir’. Secretly very into the power dynamic of you being helpless for him; try a sexy secretary roleplay with him and he may or may not absolutely lose it. 

- ♡ -

♡ Geto can be nice, or can be mean - it depends entirely on what he thinks you deserve. If the two of you are on even footing, he’s a fairly traditional man. He likes you in fancy, elegant lingerie - he likes you with his cock in your mouth, deep-throating as far as it can go. He likes you in short skirts and no underwear, likes to watch his come trickle out of you when he’s fucked it as deep in you as he can go, likes to make you scream and moan out his name.

If he thinks you’re lower than him, or less than him, though--

That’s when he starts being mean. Orgasm control, a collar around your neck, a leash that digs into your soft skin when he makes you walk behind him like a dog. Degradation (and he’s very good at that); name-calling, leaving toys buzzing inside you and telling you you’re not allowed to come, gagging you - coming inside you and plugging you up so you don’t waste a drop, because you should feel lucky to get to have any of him inside of you. Very much likes using toys on you.

Spanking, pulling your hair, choking you. Fucking you silly. Dumbification, so all you can think about is him (it’s not like you had much in your pretty little brain to begin with, is it?). If Geto is going to be mean to you, Geto is going to be mean, and you are going to love every second of it. 

- ♡ -

♡ Toji has a huge corruption kink. Taking someone innocent and wide-eyed and cute and just absolutely ruining them? Nothing gets him harder faster. He’s another with a size and a strength kink, too - no matter what size you are or how tall you are, he will push you around easily and you will have the breath knocked out of you because of how he hasn’t even broken a sweat.

Predator/Prey kink. Let him take you on a picnic and tell you to run; he loves the thrill of chasing you, of hunting you down - and probably, let’s be honest, eventually rutting into you like an animal with a hand pressed down over your mouth so you don’t alert any passers-by to the fact you are currently being fucked between the trees. 

Likes ruining you. Pulling your hair, making your makeup run, making you drool and slur your words because of how fucked out you are. Ripping your clothes. His favourite place to come is always inside you, but he also likes seeing his come spread all over your chest, your face, your thighs. Likes petplay, too - only instead of being in it for the cute ears and tail, he’s in it to have you on all fours whimpering like a bitch in heat. Will spank you, and you will say ‘thank you’. 

- ♡ -

♡ What isn’t Sukuna into, is more of the question here. Don’t even think for a second he’ll do anything like ‘sub’ for you - what he requests from his ‘partner’ (though it’s not really an equal partnership) is nothing less than total control. Everything you do will now be managed by him; he’ll decide what you wear (nothing), when you’re allowed out (never, you’re his now), and everything - down to how many breaths you should be taking in a minute. Will occasionally trip you up on his rules because he absolutely loves punishing you - spankings just seem to hit different when he has four arms to do them with. 

Sukuna will accept nothing less than total power exchange. You belong to him now; and that means he can do anything he wants to you. Definitely into you being fucked silly, over-stimulated - size kink, belly bulges, the whole nine yards. He does have two dicks, and you can and will take them both at the same time. If he says ‘jump’, you don’t ask ‘how high?’ - you just do it. 

On your knees before him at all times. Always ready to serve him, whenever he wants, never mind if people are looking at you - he gets a thrill out of people eyeing you up because he knows only he gets to touch you. Yes to cockwarming. Yes to degradation. Yes to being his human pet. Yes to fearplay - seeing the worry in your eyes is enough to have him wanting to fuck you right there and then. Yes to somnophilia, being touched whenever he wants to touch you, calling him ‘Master’. Yes to a chastity belt. Yes to you being humiliated, degraded, spanked, bitten, branded, spat on, choked, fucked until you can’t remember what it’s like not having one of Sukuna’s cocks inside of you--

Another one with a corruption kink, though his is a little more . . . sacrilegious than most. He is your God, now, and you’ll treat him as such - and that means serving him without hesitation. Knowing that you’re lucky to get a whit of his attention. 

- ♡ -

♡ Mahito will sub and dom you with equal pleasure; he’s bouncing with curiousity to try absolutely everything that human sexual intercourse has to offer, and you’re his helpful little guide to that. He’s going to explore some of the weirder kinks with you, but his favourites always seem to come back to those uniquely human ones - there’s something, for instance, about medical play that gets him excited. All of those interesting new clinical words, getting a chance to study your body up close and personal, watching how you move and squirm and twitch with equal precision! 

He’s a curse, and a curse born specifically of human hatred - he’ll let himself be degraded, and absolutely love it, but he’ll give back to you twice as hard and he’ll think it’s cute if it makes you cry. 

You’re his favourite toy, so he’s not going to fuck with your soul - but that doesn’t mean he won’t fuck with you in other, permanent ways. Mahito’s very interesting in exploring scarring and branding with you; very interested in kinks that other people might worry are dangerous. Wax play? Yes, he’ll try it, but don’t be surprised if you get hurt! Needleplay? Ooh, he’s itching to see how you’ll respond to it - and don’t worry, he’ll let you do it to him too!

Big exhibitionism kink - for you, that is. He’s had to accept not many people can see him, but the idea of someone stumbling across you in public half-naked and watching your hole be pumped by an invisible cock? Very fun! Very good! Mahito’ll try knife play, gunplay, fearplay - with him, you never know if you’re about to meet your expiry date, because he’s always smiling and laughing even when he’s deadly serious--

Oh, and being able to change his body at will? He definitely wants to explore that. Being able to make his own limbs into knives and guns and tentacles, give himself a dick that gets bigger and stretches you out more as he fucks you - there’s no way he’s not going to use that. He gets very interested in all of that human pornography (there’s so much of it) - and Mahito wants to watch it with you, and explore the things they do in those films with you - for your own good, I suggest keeping him away from hentai. 

-  ♡ -

[thunderpot]

I'm sure there must be something like this somewhere, but here I am throwing this idea on the wind anyway (ya'll are free to use it if you ever wish to!)

AU where absolutely everything is the same, except the characters are all real and TGCF is an elaborate 2010th year marriage gift HC prepared for XL (by sending bits and pieces of their story to MXTX in a dream) that got out of hand and now they even get new prayers every now and then.

They still have their Paradise Manor and Qiandeng Temple in the Ghost Realm, but since XL never took residence in the Heavenly Realm, his current human residence is a modern penthouse HC got him a good while ago, high enough to be private and befit his divine status while still overseeing the buzzling city and all it's ant-like little humans.

The series is full of misinterpretations and wrong bits ofc, but they both enjoy it regardless. XL only cries once, by the end, during the scene that describes him [SPOILER] finding out HC has been by his side all along[SPOILER].

He also cries for the second time while listening to the donghua  theme songs of both him and HC.

HC is incredibly happy at how pretty the renditions of XL look everywhere, and just how he is pretty much the handsomest character in the entire series no matter who draws it. XL goes beet red every time he sees a rendition of himself anywhere, which is pretty often, with how popular the series got.

HC has a folder just for XL fanarts on his cellphone and, while shy about it, XL also has a secret folder full of HC fanarts he likes to scroll through when he thinks HC isn't looking (HC finds it super cute!). None of the arts measure up to the real thing, ofc, but both get all warm thinking about their significant other getting the praise they deserve.

HC loves dragging XL out on conventions just to see everyone almost fainting at the sight of him, while casually ignoring all the people who come for himself. They get some level of anonymous fame as the most smitten cosplayers and how "positively real" they look -Pics of HCs lovingly gaze and XLs shy smile take the internet by storm, specially since no one can seem to find online footprints of them anywhere, which only further increases the mystery veil around both 'cosplayers'.

XL secretly buys the miaowuxiaopu outfits and swears by his life he has nothing to do with it when the box comes a week later and HC is the one to receive it (but gets absolutely elated when HC dresses up and how good he looks with the outfit)

Both like to scroll down the "Hualian" tag everywhere and have fun seeing the new creations. HC loves going after the fic websites and finding "interesting, more creative fiction than the ones in the past. We should absolutely try some things..."

A couple of HCs new favorite pastimes include trying out new skins based on art XL shows particular interest in and having XL roleplay fanfic scenarios they both like.

FX and MQ got themselves apts as well, just so they could be closer to XL while mingling with humans a bit more now that they're more free. Their relationship is much better now, but neither will ever admit it.

MQ's floor to ceiling bedroom windows facing FXs "was nothing more than a bad coincidence! I hate it!"

They see no need to tell anyone about leaving their curtains open at night.

Both suffer greatly having to see HCs hideous, giant smiles plastered all over the city and on the subway walls and curse every time they are forced to listen to any of their theme songs again. MQ swears he will retch if he needs to listen to one more comment on how romantic “hualian” is.

FX is absolutely horrified that he now started to occasionally get new prayers regarding the marital bed god[TM] status he worked so hard to be forgotten - and even more so that some of them involves both him and MQ. About those, his lips stay completely sealed.

[apparentlyaswarmofbees]

Hi! How about h/c: taking a bath together with seven brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos? Not nsfw, just fluff and wholesome💖💝 I hope you like this idea. Good luck and take care of yourself💖

Please stay safe and make sure to treat yourself to nice things every so often too dear anon ♡

A Bath Together With The Seven Brothers + Diavolo and Barbatos

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Lucifer

I like to believe that, if you are close to Lucifer, taking a bath together is something that is definetelly gonna happen often.

Melting in the water as it washes his body off alongside all the stress gathered throughout the day? And with one of his favorite people??

You don't even need to ask twice.

That being said, it's a very relaxing time. He will be quiet, closing his eyes and breathing deeply, opening his eyes every once in a while to look at you and possibly give out a comment.

He is very prone to playing with bubbles too. I'm talking about him slightly opening his eyes and lazily making some kind of shape out of the bubbles around him. If you're close enough he might even give you a bubble mustache, giving a low chuckle in amusement right after.

.

Mammon

We all know this demon has so much energy in his body that if you try to make him relax in a bath of all things, with so many distractions around, he would definetelly implode.

I believe Mammon is more of a fan of showers, seeing they're quick and less troublesome (waiting for the bath tub fill, choose the bath bombs, and having to drain the water after??? Seriously, he would much rather take a shower)

So bath time with Mammon is basically play time.

I'm talking water fights, bubble hats, wigs and mustaches.

Rubber ducks?? Hell yeah, be prepared to have a full out war with him, your rubber duck versus his rubber duck. There are battle cries, squeaks and water being thrown around. And he would definetelly let you win.

By the end of it both of you have to clean the entire bathroom seeing pratically half of the water that was in the tub ended on the floor.

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Leviathan

I believe Levi indulges in baths every once in a while. I don't think he would be able to enjoy simply doing nothing and relax, so he would definetelly take his phone, put a water proof case on it, and watch a movie while he is at it.

But that's when he is alone.

Taking a bath with you is another story completelly.

It starts a bit awkward, though it's filled with a lot of nervousness and excitement.

He will start ranting nonsense to calm his heart down for a while, sitting a bit stiffly on his side of the tub.

Once he has calmed down a bit though? He is so giddy.

Also indulges in rubber ducks, only instead of a war you guys are definetelly role playing TSL.

At some point he even turns into his demon form, dipping his head in the water, slowly re emerging the top of his head and eyes out of the water like the sea monster that he is. He growls a bit and stares at you with a playfull glint in his eyes, his tail swishing side to side.

Watch out, he is very prone to tickle fights in that state.

.

Satan

Another one who I believe indulges in baths to relax, only he does so while listening to an audio book.

Although just like Lucifer he has the tendency to just sit back, close his eyes and relax, Satan is a lot more playfull.

If having full on debates on plot holes and character writting on books count as playfull.

Don't be ashamed of splashing his face once you start losing. The absolute shock written all over him before he let's out a small "you're on" is totally worth it.

You guys also end up having to not only clean the entire bathroom but also probably fix the tub because Satan may or may not have gotten too excited and have broken a piece of it accidentally by hitting his elbow.

The fact that he didn't even realize he did hit it when it happened is downright scary.

.

Asmodeus

The god of baths??

He knows so much about it, and will have exactly what you both need in ready.

Face masks, drinks, snacks, maybe even a background instrument.

Just lay there besides him and ejoy some peace and quiet.

You guys will chatter a bit and Asmo will gladly even give you a massage if you're okay with it.

At some point he will definetelly take some selfies, gladly inviting you, again, if you're okay with it.

Honestly baths with Asmo are just such a chill time. It's filled with giggles, spilled teas, and overall smiles.

Casual? Yes. Relaxing? Totally. Fun? All the way.

He will spoil you rotten, so don't be afraid of spoiling him right back.

.

Beelzebub

Another one who prefers showers. Baths take a long while and he is prone to eating bath bombs and drinking the bath water. And just doing nothing feels fairly awkward to him.

If you want a bath with Beel, it will be either quick or extremelly long, and that depends entirelly on the time of the day.

Taking a bath in the morning will end up being quick, with both of you helping eachh other wash off with a few playfull nudges here and there.

But taking a bath at night? Is one of the moments Beel will most likelly open up to you about many of his thoughts.

Long conversations in hushed voices as if he doesn't want anyone else to hear it, staring off into the distance or just closing his eyes althogether.

By the end of it he is smiling, not because you guys had a uplifting conversation or anything, but because he is grateful to have someone to listen to him.

.

Belphegor

Was banned from taking baths alone after he fell asleep in the middle of it, almost giving Beel a heart attack when he found his twin pratically under water.

That being said, Belphie definetelly indulges in taking baths even if it has to always be under someone else's watch.

He also indulges in rubber ducks, he won't roleplay or have a full out war, but you will see him playfully splashing water to make them move around.

He also definetelly plays with the bubbles, possibly giving the ducks a wig and mustache.

He will be giving out a tiny smile the entire time, low chuckles scaping him every once in a while.

Fortunatelly or unfortunatelly, he is also prone to water fights. So he also enters the Cleaning-The-Bathroom-After-Bath-Because-You-Guys-Threw-Half-The-Water-Out squad.

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Diavolo

This dork.

He definetelly doesn't know what shower is, has taken baths his entire life.

So it's so normal to him he doesn't realize it's something many others use it as something special.

Taking a bath together with him is the same as taking a bath with a puppy. He is so excited he starts to go on and on about things in his daily life and some shenanigans that has happened in the past while he was bathing.

Like how at some point he tried to do his own shopping on soaps and bath bombs and half of them weren't even meant to put in a bath so Barbatos had to take over the responsability after the incident.

Bubble mustaches all. the. way. He even does different voices for every bubble look he acquires.

.

Barbatos

Someone who doesn't often indulge on baths but definetelly should.

Baths with him are very casual, you guys have conversations on daily life and he even gives a few tips here and there.

Secrets are shared as he gives a low chuckle and a smirk, placing his index finger on his lips.

Tales about times that humanity has forgotten, stories about the things he has seen. He tells you all of it.

He definetelly splashes you in the face when you less expect though.

Which is why you guys also have to clean the bathroom after. Welcome to the squad Barb.

[mrpenguinpants]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

---

Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha. 

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Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

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[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

  @mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife  @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki​

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Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos. 

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.  

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok? 

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished. 

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways. 

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing? 

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out. 

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”. 

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

---

God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #277: Odysseus

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re building the wandering king Odysseus! This ramblin’ man is a Swashbuckler Rogue to use his wit in combat, and an Armorer Artificer to use his wits. Also so he can have sick flying armor and a giant horse, but he relies more on the first two things.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: Gee, I wonder what fighter subclass the Dioscuri will be?

Race and Background

Odysseus is a Human, but we can cheat in a feat by making him a variant, it’s what he would want. And more importantly, what I want. This gets him +1 Dexterity and Intelligence, as well as History proficiency and the Martial Adept feat for one d6 superiority die to use on one of two maneuvers per short rest. The first is Tactical Assessment, adding the die roll to any History, Insight, or Investigation check.You’re smart, no surprise. You also get the Bait and Switch, spending 5′ of movement to swap places with an ally without provoking opportunity attacks, and the die roll is added to your or your ally’s AC for a round. You’ll get a lot of taunts as the build progresses, but not all of them will be targeting you.

You’re one hell of a Sailor, so you’ve got proficiency in Athletics and Perception. Your name is literally synonymous with “long-ass journey”, no wonder you know your way around a ship.

Odysseus is pretty spicy, so picking his god was pretty difficult. He certainly beat long odds, but Iroas doesn’t like deceit, so that’s out. I was also thinking Keranos since he’s so clever, but FGO focuses on his tactical strength and how he’s protecting the barrier to Olympus, so that says Ephara to me. Or I guess Athena, if you want a Greek god for comparison.

To gain piety/klironomia, you can defend a city, defeat a tyrant, or create masterworks. ...Yeah probably just that first one. You also lose piety by betraying trust, destroying institutions, or breaking the law for your own needs.

But who cares about all that roleplay stuff? The meat is in the bonuses! At 3+ piety, you can cast Comprehend Languages Intelligence times a day. Obviously not every island you land on will speak Greek, so this’ll help you chat up those nice lotus-eater guys. At 10+, you have advantage on persuasion checks while in a city. You can also re-roll a failed intelligence save or check once a day. Even if you do fool Odysseus, you haven’t really fooled him. At 25+. you can cast Mordenkainen’s Private Sanctum once a day. Not really in character, but making your tent nicer than Achilles’ is always a nice flex. Finally, at 50+ you can increase your current and maximum possible Intelligence or Charisma score by 2. Technically both help out, but I’d go with breaking Intelligence over patching up Charisma.

Ability Scores

Odysseus literally introduces himself as a clever bastard, so of course his Intelligence is on top. He’s also single-minded as hell, so his Constitution is almost as solid. His Wisdom should also be pretty good to protect against charming, but we use that less so it’s only number 3. After that is Dexterity, since we need that for multiclassing. We also need Strength to be passing, at least for a bit, since we specialize in unarmed attacks. That means we’re dumping... Charisma??? That can’t be right, right? Wrong. Yes, Odysseus is a tricksy bastard, but he’s also incredibly blunt, and the only reason he went on that odyssey in the first place is because he’s great at making enemies wherever he goes. So yeah, we’ll get skills to make him good at manipulating people, but his base stat’s pretty low.

Class Levels

Rogue 1: Oddy’s a clever guy, so since rogues start with extra proficiencies so will we. They get proficiency in Dexterity and Intelligence saves, plus four skills like Deception and Persuasion to trick people and Insight and Investigation to figure out better ways to trick people and defeat them. They also get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus with them. Doubling up on Deception and Persuasion means you now have a +3 bonus to those despite dumping the stat. Which means you might still be the most deceptive person in your party. You also get Sneak Attack, adding 1d6 damage to your attack once a turn. Only if you’re using ranged or finesse weapons though- you usually punch people or use magic lasers, neither of which work for sneak attack. One thing that does work regardless of your fighting style is Thieves’ Cant. It’s a language! Yay.

Rogue 2: Second level rogues can take a Cunning Action as a bonus action to dash, disengage, or hide as a bonus action. You can’t get caught up on the frontlines if you’re trying to keep the big picture in mind.

Rogue 3: At third level you get your subclass, but you also get Steady Aim. If you don’t move that round, you can spend a bonus action to get advantage on your next attack this turn. Given your best offensive option has a total of +3 to hit with proficiency and dexterity, I suggest you use that wherever possible. You also become a Swashbuckler, learning you some Fancy Footwork. Basically you can ignore opportunity attacks if you punch the creature you’re escaping from first. You also get Rakish Audacity, adding your Charisma modifier to your initiative rolls! A whole +0! At least your sneak attack bumps up to 2d6, and you can use it without advantage if you’re fighting someone one-on-one OH WAIT. This build gets stronger in a second, I swear.

Rogue 4: At fourth level rogues get their first Ability Score Improvement. Round up your Dexterity for better attacks and AC, and put that extra point into Consitutiton for later.

Artificer 1: Okay, being a rogue with bad dexterity sucks. Let’s be an artificer instead, that’s way more fun. At first level artificers can do Magical Tinkering, adding minor magical effects to tiny objects. They also learn Spells that they prepare and cast using their Intelligence. Prestidigitation and Dancing Lights are both non-combat cantrips, but they’re very flexible. If you’re clever (and you are), you can find plenty of ways to abuse these. You also get first level spells- Absorb Elements is the first signs of Aegis-based protection, and you can use Disguise Self to sneak back into your castle to see how the suitors are treating it,  Detect Magic to see through other’s shenanigans, and Snare to set up some of your own.

Artificer 2: At second level, artificers can create Infusions, turning regular items into maaaaaagic items! Turn your armor into an Armor of Magical Strength to bolster your less-than-stellar strength by adding your intelligence modifier to your strength checks and/or saves by spending a charge, which can also be used to prevent the wearer from being knocked prone. The armor holds up to six charges, and recharges a bit each day. A Bag of Holding is never out of fashion, and an Enhanced Weapon will add +1 to a weapon’s attack and damage rolls, which’ll help you keep up with your more martially-focused allies. Finally, a Wand of Secrets lets you find hidden doors and traps, storing up to three charges. The only way a plan can work against you is if uses something you don’t know, so know everything, just in case. You get four options, but you can only have 2 options up at a time. Unless we say otherwise, expect to have only have your total options available at once.

Artificer 3: At third level you become an Armorer, giving you the protection of Aegis in full. You become proficient in heavy armor, and thanks to your Arcane Armor you can ignore strength requirements on your gear, use it as a spell focus, and it can’t be removed unless you will it. It’s also a lot easier to take it off and put it on. You can customize it with an Armor Model of your choice, though for our money the Guardian model is the best option here. You can use Thunder Gauntlets to punch with your intelligence modifier, dealing 1d8 thunder damage on a hit. It also gives disadvantage on attacks against creatures that aren’t you, for one of many focus options.It also creates a Defensive Field as a bonus action, giving you temporary HP up to Proficiency times per day. If you ever find yourself without a needed tool, you can always create The Right Tool for the Job over a short rest. You can only have one at a time, but it’s always good to have them on hand. One last thing: you always have your subclass spells prepared. Just a little bonus. Magic Missile and Thunderwave are some good beams for a suit of armor to have, even if it feels a little anachronistic.

Artificer 4: Fourth level artificers get their own ASI. Use this to become Resilient with Constitution saves, giving you proficiency and rounding up that score for 8 more HP this level.

Artificer 5: Fifth level artificers have an Extra Attack, giving you a second chance to use your sneak attack each turn. Wait... You also get second level spells, like your freebies Mirror Image and Shatter. The former is meh, but the latter could be a giant horse hoof falling down on people. For more cleverness, use Enhance Ability to give you advantage on one kind of skill check for up to an hour, and Web is just neat. Slow people down, restrain them, obscure them, and then set them on fire when you’re bored.

Artificer 6: Sixth level artificers get Tool Expertise, doubling your proficiency with any kind of tool you’re proficient in, just in case you didn’t have enough skill bonuses already. You also get two more infusion options- Boots of Elvenkind help make up for the plate armor, giving you advantage on stealth checks and your footsteps make no sound. If you’d rather foil someone else’s sneakiness, check out the Lantern of Revealing to reveal invisible creatures and objects in the lantern’s light.

Artificer 7: Seventh level artificers have a Flash of Genius Intelligence modifier times a day, adding your Intelligence modifier to checks and saves around you if you want to.You’re clever enough to do just about anything you set your mind to, eventually.

Artificer 8: Speaking of Intelligence, let’s bump that up with this ASI for stronger punches, spells, and flashes. Turns out artificers love intelligence, who knew? You did, because you’re smart.

Artificer 9: Ninth level artificers can make Armor Modifications, making your arcane armor count as four items for infusions, so you can enchant the boots, weapon, armor, and helmet separately. You can also infuse two more items if they’re part of your armor, so that’s 5 out of six infusions up at a given time. Honestly Wand of Secrets is kind of dead weight, I don’t think you’ll miss it too much. On top of that, your third level spells kick in, so you can create Hypnotic Patterns and Lightning Bolts. Neither are super in character, but your lostbelt self is technically working for Zeus, so I’ll allow it. More importantly, you can get advantage on soft stat saves with Intellect Fortress, and your armor can finally Fly now.

Rogue 5: If an attack gets through anyway, use an Uncanny Dodge as a reaction to halve the incoming damage. This is one of the chunkier rogues we’ve built, but half damage is always useful.

Rogue 6: At sixth level you get another round of Expertise to help you double down on Investigation and Insight. FGO really focuses on the journey more than the trickery along the way, but everyone agrees you’re smart and good at noticing stuff.

Rogue 7: Seventh level rogues get Evasion, so Athena’s protection shields you from fireballs completely if you succeed on your dex save. Even if you don’t, you’ll still only take half damage.

Rogue 8: Use this ASI to max out your Intelligence for the strongest of spells and attacks. This’ll be a +5 bonus if your DM doesn’t like Theros, or maybe a +6 if they’re cool.

Rogue 9: Ninth level swashbucklers have Panache, the charisma-based skill you can actually use. As an action you can make a Persuasion check against someone else’s Insight check if you speak the same language. If you fail, nothing happens. If you succeed, one of two things happen. Hostile creatures have disadvantage to hit other creatures as long as you stay within 60′ of them. If they’re nonhostile, they’re charmed for a minute and you’re considered a friend. You might think nobody is that charming, and you’d be right!

Rogue 10: Use this last ASI to bump up your Constitution for 19 extra HP and stronger concentration saves. Seasickness is a pain, especially when your concentration is the only thing keeping you airborne.

Rogue 11: Eleventh level rogues have Reliable Talent, so every time you roll a skill check you’re proficient in you’re guaranteed at least a 10. That means your minimum persuasion or deception check is a 21. In the stat we dumped. Rogues are fun.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Rogues are great at survival even when they don’t have a lot of HP. You have a lot of HP. With 200 HP naturally plus an extra 50 from your Guardian model armor, all while wearing platemail, makes you one heck of a tank.

You’re also great at altering the battlefield, with crowd control like Web and ways of weakening enemy attacks thanks to your Thunder Gauntlets and Panache you can easily ruin an enemy’s battle strategy.

Mixing rogue and artificer gives you plenty of ways to be great at skills. Advantage from Enhance Ability and your klironomia, expertise, and flashes of genius combine so that it’s almost impossible for you to fail something when the chips are down.

Cons:

Playing to character will seriously hamper you if your campaign doesn’t start after level 7. Low dexterity rogue is not fun to play. If I was playing this at a table, I’d definitely jump over to artificer as soon as level 2. Also, dumping charisma basically annihilates any reason for your rogue subclass before level 18, which is bad.

Also, learn how to use a fucking dagger. Ignoring your sneak attack craters your damage output. A free 6d6 per turn is nothing to sneeze at.

Dumping Charisma doesn’t hurt you skill-wise for once, but it does make your charisma save bad. Given your history of getting locked out of your home for long periods of time, I wouldn’t flirt with banishment any more than you already have.