#think it's the realisation of time going by that has me thinking so hard
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Hello! Can u make nam-gyu baby trappingđđ
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âcontents. â unprotected p in v â manipulation â baby trapping â drabble + character study â MDNI 18+ ânote. â this is just diabolical⌠i love it
itâs not an accident that he came inside you. not really. but nam-gyu plays it off like one.
he fucks you so good and deep, slow at first, then rough, hands gripping your hips. pushing you flat against the mattress, pressing into you until thereâs nowhere left to go (not that thereâs anywhere else you want to be)
âf-fuck, you feel so good,â
he groans, pushing in deep, grinding his hips against yours. his voice is wrecked, and it only makes you cling to him harder, letting out a choked moan when he buries his face in your neck. his thrusts turn sloppy, erratic, and something in the back of your mind prickles with warning, but before you can say anything, his grip locks around your waist.
âfuck, baby, iââ itâs barely a warning before he shoves himself in to the hilt, grinding deep, staying there. warmth floods your core, and your mind snaps out of the haze of pleasure.
âw-wait, youââ you gasp, trying to push at his shoulders, to wiggle away, but he just presses in closer, a satisfied hum vibrating in his chest.
âshouldâve told me sooner,â lips dragging languidly along the curve of your jaw, voice dipping into a syrupy tone. âlook at that,â he purrs, tilting his head in mock wonder. âso messy, baby.â two fingers dip between your legs, pressing against the mess heâs made inside you, pushing it deeper.
you shudder. nam-gyu chuckles.
he doesnât give you a chance to argue. instead, he rolls you onto your back, dragging his fingers through the slick heat between your thighs, bringing them to his lips. his tongue flicks out, tasting, and he hums, grinning down at you.
âiâll be more careful next time.â
ââââ๨ŕ§ââââ
your hands are shaking.
two lines. clear as day.
you feel sick.
the bathroom door creaks open behind you, and you donât need to turn to know who it is.
âwhatâs wrong?â nam-gyuâs voice is groggy, thick with sleep. you swallow hard, still staring at the test on the counter. your tongue feels heavy in your mouth, throat too tight to speak.
he steps closer, and when he follows your gaze, everything in him goes still.
silence.
thenâ âoh.â
your stomach twists as you finally look up at him. his eyes flicker between you and the test, his expression unreadable. then, slowly, he exhales a breathy laugh, rubbing a hand over his jaw.
âwell,â he says, a lopsided grin gracing his lips. âguess weâre really doing this, huh?â his hands land on your waist. âhey,â he murmurs, tilting his head.
âyou okay?â
you blink up at him, searching for somethingâregret, guilt, anythingâbut thereâs nothing there. just that easy, casual smile, his thumbs stroking slow circles against your hips.
âwe?â your voice comes out hoarse.
âyeah, we.â
he leans in, brushing his lips against your forehead.
âyou think iâd just leave you to deal with this alone?â he murmurs, his voice gentle. like the thought itself is ridiculous. he pulls back to meet your eyes again.
âeverythingâs gonna be fine.â
itâs not that nam-gyu doesnât care about your feelings. itâs that he cares about keeping you more.
love has never felt secure to him. itâs always been something fragile, conditionalâsomething that can be revoked at any time, without warning. and you⌠you are the closest thing to permanence heâs ever had. the idea of waking up one day and realising you donât love him anymore, that youâve had enough of him, that youâre leavingâhe canât stomach it.
having a child out of wedlock carries social stigma, so if you were to get pregnant, the pressure to stay together and marry would be immense. and thatâs what makes the idea so appealing to him.
so he lies. tells you heâs wearing protection when he isnât. convinces himself itâs not really deception, just a guarantee. or maybe he âforgetsâ to pull out, murmuring a hoarse apology against your sweat-damp skin, pressing soft kisses along your jaw as if thatâll make up for it. âyou just feel too good,â he mumbles thickly, as if thatâs reason enough.
if he didnât care about your feelings, he wouldnât bother with the reassurances, but caring too muchâcaring selfishlyâmeans he convinces himself this is whatâs best. that this will make you stay. that if youâre tied to him in a way thatâs permanent, unbreakable, then maybe heâll never have to know what itâs like to lose you.
and if you panic, if you start to put the pieces together, he stays calmâtoo calm, in fact, as if he doesnât see what the big deal is. wasnât this bound to happen eventually?
âwhy are you freaking out? itâs not like iâm some asshole whoâs gonna run off.â
âyou act like i donât want this, too.â
itâs not desperation, not exactly. itâs self-preservation, the only way he knows how to make sure you stay. because a baby means permanence. it means responsibility, pressure, expectationsâall things that would make leaving harder. and sure, maybe thatâs fucked-up and selfish.
but love makes people do crazy things. and nam-gyu? heâs crazy about you.
#Ë đ ..#squid game#squid game season 2#squid game s2#namgyu#namgyu x reader#namgyu x y/n#namgyu x you#player 124#player 124 x reader#squid game fanfic#squid game x reader#namgyu smut#nam gyu#namgyu imagine#namgyu drabble
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A/N: This is my one year anniversary of writing fanfiction for Elvis! Thanks to everyone who has interacted with my posts, enjoyed reading my stories, helped me with ideas and proof-read my work. To celebrate, I've written this sequel to Dolly. It is absolutely unbridled filth, PWP, a smutfest etc.
Pairings: Dom!Elvis x Dolly!Reader
Joe x Dolly!Reader
Jerry x Dolly!Reader
Sonny x Dolly!Reader
Word count: 3.8K
TWs: Dolification, objectification, Elvis is dominant and reader is very submissive, dubcon, possessive kink, praise kink, voyeurism, exhibitionism, little bit of choking, gangbang/orgy, name-calling/demeaning language, reader is fucked stupid, kind of size kink, copious amounts of cum.
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Youâre sitting in your bedroom, carefully brushing your long blonde hair when you hear Joe start talking to Elvis. Your door is half-open and you can sometimes hear things the guys talk about in the living room, but this seems unusually clear.Â
âThat little girl of yours was sounding real fun the other night.â
Your ears prick up at his mention of you and you try to lean slightly closer to the door.Â
Elvis laughs. âYou been listeninâ?â
âHard not to, the noise she was makinâ.â Thatâs Jerry. You wonder how many of the guys are out there.Â
âWhat were you doinâ to her, EP?â Sounds like Sonny, although you canât be sure.Â
âWouldnât you like to know,â Elvis chuckles.Â
âYou uh⌠you ever think of sharing her, boss?â Joe asks.Â
Thereâs a long silence, where you almost fall off your chair from leaning so close to the open door. You cross your legs and rub your thighs together a little. Itâs not like youâre interested in Joe, thatâs disgusting. But something about the way they are all talking about you is getting you all hot and bothered.Â
âWhat about Joan?â
You bite your lip. Elvis hadnât said no.Â
âWhat about her?â
âWell, she not good enough?â
âShe doesn't have a body like that. And your girl just seems so⌠obedient.â
Elvis snorts. ââCourse she is. Sheâs well-trained.â
âSo whaddaya think, boss?â It sounds like Sonny again. âAny chance of, yâknow, letting us find out just how obedient she is?â
Thereâs another long pause, and you wonder what exactly Elvis is considering.Â
âMaybe.â
You actually do lean too far this time, and when you overbalance you end up dropping your hairbrush on the floor trying to catch yourself.Â
âDolly?â Elvisâ smooth baritone calls out to you.Â
âYes, Daddy?â
âCome in here a minute.â
You take a deep, steadying breath and look at yourself in the mirror. Youâre a little flushed already, just from listening to them talk about you, but your make-up is all done nicely and you had almost finished brushing your hair when he called. Smoothing it down, you stand up and check your dress is sitting where it should. Then you open the door and walk across the corridor and into the living room. As you stand in the doorway you look around, realising that you had successfully identified all of the voices, and their owners are now all looking back at you with ill-disguised lust.Â
âGood girl. Come and sit on Daddyâs lap.âÂ
Elvis is looking particularly good today, his eyes are shining and so is his big, gold belt. His shirt sleeves are rolled up to just above his elbows, and his forearms flex as he grabs either armrest to adjust his sitting position in preparation for you following his instruction.Â
You walk over slowly, realising as you start to step that youâve forgotten to put your heels on, so you end up padding across the thickly shagged carpet in just your stockinged feet. Trying not to look at the other men as they look at you, you settle yourself onto Elvisâ lap and feel his hardness pressing against your lower back immediately. Excitement and trepidation bubble in your stomach. He really doesnât seem like heâs going to say no to sharing you.Â
âNow Dolly, the guys here have a proposition fâya,â he tells you as his arms wrap around your waist and hold you to him tightly, his breath tickling your cheek.Â
Thereâs an awkward silence in the room, and the men go from openly staring at you to looking nervously at their feet.Â
âCâmon, guys.â Elvisâ voice is laced with irritation now, âif you want her ya have ta ask her.â
It turns out that Jerry is the brave one, though he looks up at you nervously, the mass of curls on his head bobbing as he swallows hard before finally opening his mouth.Â
âWe were, um⌠talking about you,â he begins, uncertainly. The other two nod and mumble their agreement, encouraging him to continue. âAnd um⌠youâre real pretty and you made some er⌠real pretty noises the other night.â Jerry is blushing now and you think it makes him look kinda cute.Â
âAnd?â Elvis snaps, when the silence after Jerryâs last sentence stretches out for a few minutes.Â
âAnd we want to know just how much of a dolly you really are, Dolly,â Joe announces.Â
You frown. âOh, Joe. Iâm sure I donât know what you mean,â you tell him, tilting your head to one side and biting the side of your thumb. You even bat your fake eyelashes for the full effect.Â
âH-he⌠umâŚâ Jerry starts up again, looking for all the world like he wants the earth to open up and swallow him. âHe wants to know if youâd like to have a little fun with usâŚâ When your facial expression doesnât change from the exaggerated look of confusion youâd given Joe earlier, Jerry continues. âLike⌠with our clothes off. Yâknow. Would ya like to please us like you please Elvis?â Jerry lets out a big sigh at the end of the sentence, as if heâs just said the most difficult thing ever.Â
âOh!â You exclaim, putting a hand to either side of your face and making Elvis chuckle. âBut Joe, what about your wife?â The question makes Elvis chuckle all the more.Â
Joe clears his throat a little awkwardly. âWell. This would just be a one-time thing you know. We wouldnât need to tell her. Just our little secret, isnât that right, boss?â
Elvis holds both hands up. âNothinâ ta do with me, sheâs your wife.â
His hands go back to your waist and you lean your head back against his chest a little. Rewarding you with a kiss to the temple, he looks around the room at the three men.Â
âThink we need some ground rules âfore we start.â
âI didnât say yes!â You find yourself squeaking, sitting upright again in shock.Â
Another, darker chuckle. âI wanted the guys to ask ya ta be polite. Not âcause I wanted yer opinion, Dolly.â Pressing his nose against your face, he kisses your cheek. âYer jusâ my little doll, âmember. No opinions of yer own.â
You nod, realisation slowly dawning that youâre in a room with four men who can do whatever they want with you. His lips trail down your neck until his teeth find your collarbone, nibbling it a little before moving off you entirely and looking back at the rest of the room.Â
âGround rules,â he reiterates. âSheâs my little Dolly. So if I say stop, ya stop, okay?â The three men nod and mumble, âyes boss,â and âyes EPâ. âGood,â he replies. âThis pretty mouth,â he squeezes your cheeks to make you pout, âand this pretty pussy,â his hand moves to pull your legs apart and give the assembled group a good view of your panties, âare fair game. Her assholeâs mine. So donât even think about it.â
Elvis waits for all three of them to affirm what heâs just said before continuing. You squirm in his lap under the weight of their gazes, all three trained right between your legs.Â
âAnd one more fer you, darlinâ,â he coos, turning your head to look at him. âNo more thoughts from now on, sweetheart. Want ya ta be a perfect little doll for me and my friends.â
Looking into those bright blue eyes you nod slowly, but youâre not sure. Of course you trust Elvis, but there are a lot of big strong men in this room. Men who could easily overpower you and outnumber him too. Your lower lip wobbles a little. The hand thatâs currently cupping your cheek holds it a little more firmly as he looks back at you, seeming to try and see right into the brain youâre supposed to be emptying of thoughts right now.Â
âDaddy will take care a ya,â he murmurs, eyes flicking over your face, searching for clues. âI wonât let anyone hurt ya, sweetheart.â
The tenderness in his voice almost has you undone without any need for him to touch you. A whimper escapes your lips and your arms go around his neck as he kisses you lovingly. Your little audience all seem to sigh in unison.Â
âOkay?â He asks, as he pulls back, running a thumb over your plush lips.Â
âYes, Daddy,â you reply, your earlier nervousness bubbling over into excitement again.Â
âGood girl.â
You squeeze your thighs together at the praise and as you turn back towards the room you realise everyone saw you do it. You blush and bat your eyelids again, eliciting something that sounds a lot like a moan from Jerry.Â
Elvisâ hand sweeps up your thigh, pushing the material of your skirt with it, showing your panties to the room properly this time. Joe is the first to obviously touch himself through his pants but itâs not long before the other two join him, especially when Elvis points out the damp patch youâve made on your pretty pink panties.Â
âSheâs filthy, EP.â
Elvis chuckles, softly. âShe jusâ likes doinâ as sheâs told, donâtcha, Dolly?âÂ
âYes, Daddy.â
He slips your panties off and throws them at Sonny, clearly seeing the hungry look on the brunetteâs face. You smile at the way he almost jumps when they land in his lap, his attention being completely captured by your bare pussy. Quickly recovering a second or so later, he balls them up and stuffs them into his pocket.Â
Elvis kisses your neck as he pulls your legs apart, putting you on display for the other men. The cool air of the room hits your open pussy and you moan a little, feeling his fingers digging into your thighs and desperately wanting him to touch you.Â
âThatâs a nice pussy, man,â Sonny declares, sounding a little drunk on just looking at it.Â
âC-can we⌠uh⌠see her tits?â Youâre surprised to hear such a vulgar word from Jerry, but the way he stumbles over the words makes him seem cute again.Â
Elvis clicks his tongue and pushes you into a more upright position so he can pull the top of your dress down, exposing your pretty pink bra. Jerry groans. Elvisâ fingers slip underneath the straps and slide them over your shoulders, and then heâs pulling your bra down too. The cool air hits your nipples and they stand erect. Youâve never felt so looked at before, and part of you wants to run away, but the other part is bathing in the attention.Â
âC-can she come o-over here with those tits?âÂ
Elvis laughs. âYa like her tits, Jer?â
The mass of curls bobs up and down as the younger man nods his head. âGod, theyâre perfect.â His eyes are like saucers and theyâre trained on your nipples.Â
âGo on, Dolly. Go and see Jerry.â
He gently pushes you off his lap and onto your feet, and you make your way over to Jerry, who spreads his legs wide as he unbuckles his belt and pulls out his dick. You watch him stroke himself as he tells you, a little nervously, to kneel down in front of him. Still stroking, he fondles your breasts with his other hand, letting out a little hum of appreciation.Â
âPush âem together, honey,â he instructs, and you do. âThatâs right. Oh God,â he mumbles, still touching himself as he stares at them. âCan I just⌠E? Can I put my dick between them?â
âSure,â Elvis replies, and you think you hear the sound of his belt clinking.Â
Unclasping your bra and removing it, Jerry rearranges you and him so that his dick is between your breasts, then pushes them together again himself. He groans as he starts to move, sliding up and down as best he can. It's obvious heâs getting very excited, you can tell from his flushed face and the cuss words falling from his lips, but heâs not about to finish any time soon and the other men quickly become frustrated.Â
âCâmon Jer, I need this pussy,â Sonny grumbles, from the other side of the room.Â
âYeah Jerry, youâre hogging her,â Joe joins in.Â
Jerry sighs and stops what heâs doing. âAlright. Whoâs next?â
âI said first,â Sonny replies.Â
You turn to look at them and see Joe about to open his mouth to say something, no doubt in an attempt to contradict the other man, and then theyâre both silenced by Elvis.Â
âSheâs my girl. Sheâs cominâ to me.â
You settle between Elvisâ legs as he guides your mouth over his dick, holding your hair and bobbing your head on him, gradually helping you take more and more until your nose is buried in his pubic hair and youâre gagging. He holds you there until your throat relaxes, and then starts to thrust. Your eyes water a little, but you can hear the appreciative sounds in the room and they spur you on. Gasping for air when he finally pulls you off again, you sit back on your heels and look up at him, worshipfully.Â
âGood girl,â he affirms, then looks up. âWho wants her?â
Sonny manages to speak before Joe again, so Elvis instructs you to go to him, on your hands and knees this time. Heâs taken your dress off properly, so youâre naked apart from your stockings, and he gives your ass a low whistle as it moves away from him. You eagerly take Sonny all the way in, heâs a little smaller than Elvis so you donât choke so much when he starts to fuck your throat.Â
âOh God. Sheâs so pretty, EP. So pretty choking on my damn cock.â
Your eyes are watering again and you can tell Sonny likes it. Thereâs probably mascara running down your cheeks too.Â
âPlease tell me I can fuck her.â
Thereâs a low growl in the back of Elvisâ throat, something protective that makes you somehow even wetter. âNot yet. Give her to Joe.â
Crawling over to Joe, youâre relieved heâs even smaller again, and taking him is no trouble at all. Youâre so engrossed in the blow job that you donât notice the other guys getting closer, and then suddenly you find yourself on your back in the middle of the room, Elvis pushing inside your pussy and Sonny back in your mouth. Jerry kneels on one side of you, stroking himself as he looks down at your body, and Joe is still where he was, on the sofa.Â
Elvisâ dick stretches you, making you moan around Sonny, but youâre so wet he slips in and out easily anyway.Â
âShe loves it,â Sonny declares. âSuch a pretty little cockslut youâve got here, E. Such a perfect little whore.â
You moan again around his dick and he slaps your tits.Â
âSuch a good little lovinâ doll,â Elvis coos, holding your thighs as he slams into you.Â
They keep going in that arrangement for a while, but then after some more complaining from Sonny, shift so that heâs inside you now, and Jerry is in your mouth, his big fat balls slapping against your forehead. Sonny is as sadistic with your pussy as he was with your mouth, jackhammering into you in a way that isnât exactly pleasurable. After that, Joe comes as a blessed relief. You donât like him much, and you definitely donât find him attractive, but he fucks you kind of gently and for a moment or two you donât have a dick in your mouth and you find yourself moaning and arching your back.Â
âIs she gonna cum? Joe, youâre makinâ her cum!â Sonny is clearly shocked at the turn of events, and to be honest so are you, but something about the slightly twisted up position heâs got you in is hitting the right spot and Sonny is right, Joe is making you cum.Â
âOhhhh. Ohhhhh.â You moan, eyelashes fluttering as your orgasm washes over you.Â
âLet me go again. I wanna make her squirt. I bet I can make her squirt.â
âNo, Sonny,â Elvisâ voice is deep and firm and brooks no argument. âItâs Jerryâs turn. Let him try.â
The angle Jerry was at when he tried to fuck your mouth earlier meant you couldn't fit much in, so you donât realise quite how big it is until he starts to push inside your pussy. And then you really realise, when you look down and see the bulge itâs making in your stomach, the other guys whooping and cheering about it. Jerry is big enough to hit your g-spot easily, and heâs thick enough to make your head flop back and your eyes close, and you to just generally lose a good portion of your grip on reality.Â
âSheâs cock-drunk.â
âLook at her, Jerry. Youâre fucking her stupid.â
âGod, sheâs perfect,â the hushed, reverential tone is Jerry, and you try to peel your eyes open again to look at him. âTaking me so fucking perfectly.â
You manage something between a moan and a whimper, and then you feel it. Your second orgasm, lurking just beneath the surface, ready to explode. Jerry obviously feels it too, his thumb starting to rub your clit as he picks up speed, fucking you so hard Elvis has to hold you in place by pushing down on your shoulders. Youâre sure your guts are going to be completely rearranged by the end of this.Â
âCâmon Dolly, cum for me. I can feel ya gripping me, honey. You can do it.â
Jerryâs praise tips you over the edge and suddenly youâre screaming and squirting and flailing about on the carpet. You can hear all the men groaning and then you feel yourself suddenly empty, Jerry is cussing and then heâs moaning as you feel something splattering over your chest. Unable to manage to open your eyes again, it seems like you're floating as you feel the next dick inside you, somehow recognising it as Elvisâ. More wetness on your belly, and what sounds like Joe moaning out your name.
âI wanna cum on her face.â
You finally manage to open one eye to see Sonny kneeling over you.Â
âAlright, man.â
âEyes open, honey. Look at me.â
You do as youâre told, watching as Sonny beats himself off, groaning until cum starts shooting out of his dick, all over your face. You close your eyes again at the crucial moment, but when you reopen them youâre conscious of the wetness beading on your lashes, like raindrops.
âFuck. You look so pretty with my cum on your eyelashes. Perfect little slut.â
You bat them a little, unable to help yourself trying to look cute even with the state youâre in now. Elvis thrusts inside you a few more times and then pulls out, stroking himself until he cums on your pussy. He groans as he paints you with his release, and you suddenly realise how much of a mess you are, the cum of four men all over you. You bite your lip. You really are a slut. You start to smile, thinking about it, thinking about just how much fun being told what to do was, how much you enjoy switching your brain off and doing what other people want you to.Â
Elvis kisses your knee, gently. âThanks, baby,â he whispers. Then he looks up at the other guys, expectantly.Â
âYeah, thanks Princess,â Joe joins in, tucking himself away and sitting back up on the sofa. âThat felt really good.â
Jerry looks down at you with soft, loving eyes. âThanks Dolly. You were perfect.â
Sonny coughs and looks a bit awkward, like someone suddenly realising how theyâd been acting when they were horny and now feeling kind of embarrassed.Â
âThanks honey. Sorry about your um⌠face.â
You canât help giggling a little, and you look over at Elvis who nods his approval. You can stop just being an obedient doll now.Â
âItâs okay, Sonny. I had fun.â
Sonny rubs his face with his hand and nods, still looking awkward, before getting up and mumbling something about going for a drive. Jerry gets up from his kneeling position too, suggesting he and Joe go out and get some dinner for everyone. Joe looks very much like heâs about to say heâd rather just stay right where he is, but Jerryâs head tilting to the left and his eyes widening must finally give the clue that heâs trying to suggest they clear out and give you and Elvis some privacy.Â
Then it's just the two of you, and he scoops you up in his arms and carries you into the bathroom, helping you into the shower and then getting in with you and cleaning you up. You stand there in shock as he dries you gently with a big fluffy towel, and then swathes you in pyjamas and a robe, waiting as you push your sooties into soft pink slippers.Â
âCome to my room, Dolly.âÂ
Youâre not often allowed in Elvisâ room, itâs his sanctuary, he likes to repair to it when things get too much for him. Even in the LA house itâs much more decadent than the other bedrooms, and itâs darker than yours, all purple and gold. Itâs also freezing, and you shiver as soon as you step through the door. He holds you to him for a moment, humming softly as his body heat warms you, and then helps you into his big brass bed. Settling you into the comforters and pillows, he gets in next to you and shows you the controls for the electric blanket.Â
âThanks,â you murmur, looking up at him through your normal lashes. Those falsies had gone straight in the trash.Â
He brushes your cheek with the backs of his fingers and kisses you softly. âYâokay?â
You nod quickly. âIâm good.â Moving your legs a little, you squint. âPussyâs a little sore.âÂ
âMmm.â He kisses you again. âYa were so good, Dolly. Such a good little girl for me.â
One of your hands rests gently on the back of his neck. âI um⌠I liked it.â You look down, biting your lip a little. âI shouldnât, should I?â
His hand moves to your chin, tilting your face up so you have to look at him again. âIâm glad ya liked it,â he murmurs, conspiratorially. âThough I hope ya didnât like any of the guys more âan ya like meâŚâ
Your heart leaps in your chest. Youâve never known him to be this vulnerable. âI could never, Da- Elvis. I love you.â
âI love you too.â His hand envelopes your whole cheek as he pulls you in close for a proper kiss. âMy precious, perfect little doll.â
***
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I had to write something after hearing Crane suggest Max wear a ball gag to the first press conference of the year. It's just something short and silly but here it is. (1281 words)
âCharles, quick here, help me with this!â
Charles makes a peculiar squeaking sound as he finds two hands on him dragging him away from the direction he was heading and down a corridor. The Monegasque is just about to start kicking and screaming when he realises that it is Max who is currently manhandling him.Â
âWe donât have much timeâ Max holds something up in his hand. And Charles - , well Charles has to do a double take because -
âWhat the fuck is that?â Charles stares straight at the item. Thereâs no real need to ask what it is because it is quite clearly a ball gag. The real question is why Max is holding it up menacingly seconds before they head into a press conference.Â
âI was talking to Seb,â Max appears a little frustrated at the delay Charles is causing by wanting an explanation, âand he said that if I really want to make a statement about these new rules then perhaps the best statement would be silenceâŚ.â
âSeb said to wear a gag?â Charles raises an eyebrow as he gives Max a curious look. He supposes that does sound a little like something Seb would suggest.
âWell no not exactly,â Maxâs lips curl upwards into a grin, âThe gag was my idea. Good right?â
âYou know youâll probably end up in the stewards room for this?â Charlesâ heart rate spikes as Max impatiently thrusts the ball gag into his hands.Â
âI will end up in there anyway!â Max smirks, âMay as well have some fun first.âÂ
Charles finds a lot of things fun. Hanging out with friends. Skiing. Hiking. Music. Something. Anything other than stepping out in front of the worldâs media in bondage gear. Clearly him and Max have different ideas of what is considered fun.Â
âAre you going to help me or am I going to have to do it myself?â Max huffs.
âI can help,â Charles tuts rather defensively. Of course he is capable of placing a gag into Maxâs mouth and be completely normal about it.
Completely. Utterly. Normal.Â
âCool,â Max opens his mouth wide. Ready, waiting.Â
And suddenly it doesnât feel quite so funny because Charlesâ hands are getting sweaty and his heart is about to break free from his ribcage. He doesnât really have much choice though, he canât exactly run away, so the Monegasque reaches out and tentatively places the ball gag directly into Maxâs mouth and watches as the Dutchman wraps his lips around it.
It looks -, fuck it looks hotter than it has any right to.Â
Max makes a soft humming sound of approval and turns around to let Charles fasten the back.Â
This is absolutely not what Charles imagined he would be doing moments before the first press conference of what could be a pivotal season for him. He has no idea how he is going to answer questions about Ferrariâs championship potential or the impact of the arrival of Lewis when he has Max sat next to him like this.Â
Charles gets the gag properly fastened and is pretty pleased with his handiwork. Itâs not too tight but itâs secure enough that itâs not going to fall out.
Max makes a muffled sound that goes immediately to Charlesâ dick and the Monegasque tries his best to think unsexy thoughts. Itâs bad enough Max is going in there with his mouth stuffed, Charles absolutely can not accompany him with a hard on.
âYou ready to go?â Charles gets a gentle nod in return as Max rather dutifully follows him through to the room.Â
And just as Charles had anticipated, the whole room erupts with noise. Thereâs raucous laughter and excitable chatter along with a few gasps and most significantly of all a blinding amount of flashing cameras. Within minutes there will be photos all over the internet of Max with his mouth held open and lips plush around the silicone ball. Â
âEverything okay Max?â
Charles watches as Max gives the reporter a thumbs up and then slinks down on the couch casually. Like this is any other press conference. Like there isnât the smallest amount of saliva already dripping from behind the gag.Â
There is though.Â
Charles is close enough to see it dripping around the sides. By the time they are done here Max will likely be drooling helplessly. Wet. Messy. Filthy.Â
Fernando looks endlessly amused. Ollie looks shocked but then giggles along nervously. Charles is - , well in truth Charles is turned on.
âMax why donât you tell us what you think your chances are of retaining your championship this year?Â
Charles turns to his right and watches Max shrug and then make a âso-soâ action with his hand. Itâs enough to earn him another round of laughter from everyone. Everyone apart from Charles who has to force a smile on to his face.Â
Max fidgets a little in his seat. Charles canât help but wonder what the Dutchman is thinking, whether he is regretting it, whether he is enjoying it.Â
The Dutchman tries to swallow down the spit that is clearly building in his mouth. Charles hears the wetness of it. Sees more drool starting to escape down the sides, glistening under the lights. Max doesnât look embarrassed though, he is just staring out ahead. Charles isnât sure he has ever seen someone look so submissive and dominant at the same time. Gagged but in control.Â
âMax is this some kind of statement regarding the new rules and penalties?â
Charles tries not to groan as he hears Max make a murmured sound from behind his gag. Itâs completely incomprehensible, obviously, but the helplessness of the sound makes Charlesâ dick twitch. Again everyone in the room chuckles. And once again Charles has to force a smile on his face whilst also discreetly trying to readjust himself so his semi is not quite so obvious.Â
There must be other people finding this a turn on. Charles canât be the only one. Except maybe its because Charles can hear Max trying to breath around the intrusion. Maybe its because he can hear the muffled sounds and the slurping of spit. Maybe itâs because he can see the stretch of the lips and the way Maxâs throat muscles are contracting each time he swallows. Maybe its because Charles is the only one thinking about what else Max could be gagging around right now.Â
Charles has no idea what answers he gives to any of the questions thrown his way. In fact Max is probably making a lot more sense than he is. The Monegasque jumps up the second he is allowed to leave and immediately turns his back to the audience of journalists so they canât spot the rather obvious bulge in his pants.Â
Max follows him closely out of the room and is quick to remove the gag. The Dutchman starts gently massaging lightly his own jaw and wiping the excess of drool up. His cheeks looked flush, red all along the cheekbones, his eyes are sparkling tough. Excitement.Â
âI think you shocked them,â Charles tries to look normal about the whole thing, âI donât know whether you are a genius or an idiot.âÂ
âPerhaps both,â Max shrugs.Â
âI canât believe you bought a ball gag just to wind them up,â Charlesâ gaze drops to the gag, itâs soaking wet, âWhat the hell are you going to do with that now?â
Max laughs and shakes his head.Â
âI didnât buy this for them,â Max smirks as he meets Charlesâ gaze, âI had it at home. Itâs going straight back into my collection.â
Charles stares blankly as Max winks and then saunters off swinging his ball gag in his hand.Â
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Hi, I've been addicted to reading your Supernatural writings! Until Season 4 I was always a Sam girl but reading your content, and experiencing Dean in later seasons has been something else for sure. I had a dream with him after reading the "sex in the impala" fic!
Could I request a Dean x reader, where they are between hunts/on the road the boys and reader make a pitstop at a bar in a small town? Reader and Dean have had several "almost" moments but Dean has been too stubborn to admit anything, and reader is waiting on him to make the move. At this bar a man approaches reader and Dean gets hot under the collar about it when he realises the guy is interested in her. I haven't read anything of Dean being protective but I think we all know he would be!
Thank you đ
dulceâs notes: thank you so much! iâm so happy you like my writing, and i hope this gave you all the protective dean goodness you were craving! let me know if you want more <3
it starts with the hum of the impala's engine, smooth and familiar, rolling over cracked asphalt under a sky painted with the last smudges of daylight. samâs in the passenger seat, half-asleep against the window, and youâre in the back, watching the world slip by in the reflection of deanâs rearview mirror. he catches your gaze, holds it for a second too long, then looks away, shifting gears like the sudden tension between you is something he can outrun.
the town is a nothing kind of place, just a few gas stations, a diner, and a bar with a neon sign that flickers like it's got one foot in the grave. youâre barely out of the car before deanâs already making a beeline for the bar, shoulders tense, jaw working like thereâs something under his skin.
there have been moments. too many, really. times when he looked at you like he wanted to carve his name into your skin with his teeth, times when his hands lingered too long on your waist after patching you up, his fingers pressing into your flesh like he was memorizing the shape of you. there was that night in a motel, after a hunt went sideways, where heâd almost kissed you��where his breath was warm against your lips, his eyes dark and wild, but then he pulled away like the world was ending and he couldnât afford another casualty.
so now, you wait. wait for him to get his head out of his ass, wait for him to stop acting like wanting you is a goddamn death sentence.
inside, the bar is dim, smelling of spilled whiskey and bad decisions. a jukebox in the corner is spitting out an old zeppelin song, and dean, true to form, is already leaning against the counter, ordering a round. you slide onto the stool next to him, close enough that your thigh brushes against his, and he tenses for half a second before relaxing into it like it doesnât mean anything.
it means everything.
sam, being sam, disappears into a booth with a book and a beer, leaving the two of you at the bar. you take a sip of your drink, feel the warmth of it slide down your throat, but before you can even settle into the moment, you feel someone approaching.
heâs tall, broad-shouldered, with the kind of smile thatâs meant to be charming. âhavenât seen you around here before,â he says, his voice thick with the drawl of someone whoâs spent his life in places like this. his eyes skim over you, appreciative, lingering in a way that makes your skin itchânot because heâs looking, but because you can feel dean beside you, his body going stiff, his grip on his glass tightening just a little too much.
âjust passing through,â you say, noncommittal, but the guy isnât deterred. he leans in, all easy confidence, and dean shifts beside you, exhaling slow through his nose like heâs trying real hard not to say something heâll regret.
âcan i buy you a drink?â the guy asks, and you donât even have time to open your mouth before dean does it for you.
âsheâs good,â he says, voice flat, edged with something sharp. possessive.
the guy blinks, looks between the two of you, like heâs just now noticing the way deanâs sitting so close, the way his arm has draped itself over the back of your chair, fingers just barely brushing against your shoulder.
âdidnât realize you two wereââ
âweâre not,â you interrupt, and deanâs head snaps toward you so fast you can feel the heat of his glare. you donât look at him. you keep your gaze on the man in front of you, a slow smile tugging at your lips as you take another sip of your drink. âbut he sure as hell acts like we are.â
dean scoffs, mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like âdamn right i do,â but the guy gets the message. he raises his hands in surrender, offers you a wink and a âmaybe next time,â before disappearing back into the crowd.
the silence between you and dean is thick enough to choke on. he doesnât move his arm from the back of your chair, doesnât lean away, doesnât give you any space at all. instead, he turns to face you fully, eyes burning into you like heâs trying to set you on fire.
âyou got somethinâ to say?â he asks, low, dangerous.
you tilt your head, considering. then, âdo you?â
tension snaps like a live wire. his jaw clenches, his fingers flex against his glass, and then suddenly heâs up, grabbing your wrist, pulling you off your stool and toward the back of the bar where itâs dark and quiet, where the air smells like aged wood and cigarette smoke.
he backs you up against the wall, hands braced on either side of your head, caging you in. his breath is warm, whiskey-scented, and his eyes are darker than youâve ever seen them.
âyou like pushinâ me, donât you?â
you smile, slow and sharp. âsomeoneâs gotta do it.â
dean exhales, tilts his head down, his nose brushing against yours, and for a secondâfor a single, breathtaking secondâyou think heâs finally gonna do it, finally gonna close the distance and give in to the thing thatâs been simmering between you for months.
but he doesnât.
instead, he presses his forehead against yours, breathes you in, then pulls back, his hands dropping away like heâs just barely won a fight with himself.
âfinish your drink,â he mutters, voice rough. âweâre leavinâ soon.â
he walks away before you can say anything, before you can call him a coward, before you can grab him by the collar and kiss him stupid like youâve wanted to for so damn long.
you press your back against the wall, exhale slow, and try to steady the wild rhythm of your heart.
one day, you think. one day, heâs gonna break.
and when he doesâyouâll be waiting.
taglist: @iloveeveryoneyoureamazing @legalmente-loca @bluemerakis @whisperingdaze @cherrygirlfriend @figthoughts
#đŁ dulce req#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester drabble#jensen ackles#supernatural#dean winchester#dean x reader#dean x you#spn#dean winchester x y/n
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Nothing quite compares to the quiet devastation of realising you have ended up in the one place you always said you'd never be
#drag rambles#sorry just. thinking#always said I'd never end up working at the same place as my parents#ha. I was a fool#cause it's v much a thing here of like#one you start there You Don't Leave#my job genuinely isn't bad and I get along w my coworkers I just#idk. i didn't want to be the same as my family#yet I've worked here since October now. I left school a full year ago#think it's the realisation of time going by that has me thinking so hard#m sad#but I'll be ok đ#and I refuse to be here forever#hell I don't want to stay in this country nevermind this job
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dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden
#chilaios#that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao#HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID#they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well.#and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah....#'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact.#she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns.#'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ...#that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked.#'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver#to see chilchuck . BEET. RED.#because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW.#She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach#miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in#she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing?#chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT#AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO#chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear.#Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that.#between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks -#'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums.#rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit.#i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way.#i think . I think it's hot.#enough to turn you to drink isn't it!#u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant?#does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it#a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world.#whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care#lesbiance
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when the slowburn makes the ship extra cute~~~
#kimikawaii this week for sure!!!!!! (has been saying that since july)#ik the nghy payoff will be â¨sweet⨠but itâs kinda funny how hw are slowburning nagisaâs role in the series as a whole#mans has a grand total of 3 songs to date and only 1 has a cv ver#place your bets what do you think will come first? nghy duet or ariken duet#t h o u g h. ariken is also kind of a slowburn but we all knew theyâd get together since ijiwaru release (shoutout to the og miku ver)#some say that ariken is still not canon in the novels to this very day#canât believe we got arisaâs future career aspirations reveal before ariken canon in the novels smh#but i digress!!!!!!!!!!!! nagisa needs more action and attention!!!!!!#he did have kind of a âthe bus came backâ moment with the izumo collab but we never saw his face again after that#(full cast merch doesnt count bc p. much everyoneâs included in them except for the school nurse and kako)#so. all im saying is: slowburn nghy by all means. just dont slowburn nagisaâs character arc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#now that mona mania has cooled off (to a degree) and chizusweep has mellowed out (somewhat) itâs shiranamiâs time to shine!!!!!!!!#y. yeah. ik itâs harder to market him bc heâs a literal average (albeit handsome) joe but thatâs part of his charm!!!!!#i mean!!!!! he can cook!!!!! he stans ft4!!!!! heâs devoted to the girl he loves!!!!!! heâs a dreamboat!!!! what more could you ask for?#but. i do have to say that nghy developments have been kinda awkwardly handled as a whole⌠esp with heroine ikusei#i think nagisa shouldâve been introduced in heroiku or something⌠since he was planned from the start of hiyoriâs developmentâŚ#maybe they were trying to pull a â2nd love winsâ kinda parallel with kthn? but the ascana retcon made everything awkward huhâŚ#i think it couldâve worked out in the mv-verse. like if theyâd placed heroika+sukiuso after the fight+make up in herotaru#so the timeline would go smoothly from heroiku -> herotaru -> heroika#with hiyo realising that sheâd be better off focusing on work and track after the asuka debacle + chizu fight#like a âforget romance!!! i gotta work hard and run hard!!! omg wait nagisa wdym you love me???â kinda thing#but the [redacted] anime p much cut + pasted the asuka arc with the nagisa visit and. hm.#is this just an excuse to blame the clumsy handling of the nghy arc on the [redacted] anime? m⌠maybeâŚ?#but it all still couldâve kinda worked out if theyâd shifted the timelines around a little. yâknow. since sukiuso mv has nagisa visit in oct#idk i think having hiyo learn how to doll herself up from lxl for her first crush (asuka)#and then using what she learned to yassify herself to meet up with nagisa wouldâve been neater?#like a âhey look nagisa :) i applied what i learned from my pals :)â kinda thing#or maybe chizu and juri couldâve helped her with the nagisa dressup scene post-herotaru fight⌠but i digress!!!!!!#hmmmmmmmmmm⌠well. this has gone way off topic⌠anyways nghy canon and cute thatâs all byeeee#the dude from gamushara
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this is a test
#iâm bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters thatâs actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring letâs think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk iâm not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad thatâs a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isnât all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw thereâs probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i donât#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like iâm actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much itâs crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books theyâre all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry thatâs made everything a bit messy. i shouldâve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think youâre being annoying i literally donât care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now itâs just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i donât really have any thoughts to put here idk if weâre halfway ermmmm omg itâs#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. itâs wild how itâs basically almost christmas. like#what. thatâs illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesnât crash or#smth cause iâve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but iâve saved it and holy jesus itâs a lot of text im just sat here giggling thereâs really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldnât that be crazy) so wait thereâs 140#haracters and 30 tags so whatâs 30 x 140. someone hurry. i havenât done maths lessons in two and a half years iâve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..đđ AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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Is this anything
#mmmmmmm yeah this is a main blog post#nia youâve made this joke like 50 times already can you stop it maybe?#okay we get it the pretty noblewoman starts losing it after finding out her husband cheats on her. move on#the answer is no :) I will keep hammering in this comparison until I am physically forced to stop#and by physically I mean the fact Iâm probably playing with fire by posting Summiya with half her tit out for like the third time#oh well. itâs been okay so far so letâs hope it will continue being so#aaaaanyway#I was absolutely not thinking of Hatice when I came up with Summiya and drew this piece but the vibes are there and comparison checks out#and I am absolutely not complaining because this means I get to spread some turkish soap opera fungus to my beloved partner in crime#hi Kat :)#Hatice may not be my favourite character. far from it in fact. itâs hard being a Nigar stan in this world đ#as well as a firm believer that the show lied and that Nigar lived the rest of her life out in Sulina with her Esmanur#but tbh denying deaths happening at the end of season 3 in a mediocre early 2010s show is kinda my modus operandi at this point#whoâs surprised? no one. absolutely nobody#âŚ.I got off topic again#ANYWAY donât come @ me for Haticeâs death date I got like 3 different results when I looked it up#and went with the one that appeared in more than one source#also Iâm not a historian Iâm simply a lover of harem dramas and beautiful princesses with disorders#and comparing them to my vast network of avatarverse OCs#I realise this post is completely incomprehensible to everyone but Kat and me. but when has that ever stopped me before?#target audience of one and I like it that way#anyway I should probs quit my deranged ramblings and go eat something#ask me who Hatice sultan is I dare you#the legend of korra#original character#Summiya#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#magnificent century#muhteĹem yĂźzyÄąl#hatice sultan
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well at least the terrible fear of being to needy and attention seeking keeps me in check. at least i got that going for me. coolio baboolio.
#the Thoughts are Back with a Strong Strong Vengeance but really. who has the time to act on them.#hurgh! :)#blabbering#im just. floating through life rn taking on more and more roles and responsibilities hoping in the end any of them makes me feel#loved but at the same time refusing any positive feedback i get on them on grounds of feeling like i havent earned it and im so so tired#contemplating the logistics of going Missing on my drive home on friday but ngl i think itd take my best friend at least like. two days.#till they realise i didnt pick up my key. and then maybe another two days before they act in any way other than messaging me a question mark#which would leave my Kitties starving and unhappy. which Bad.#man i thought this week would be Good And Fun and instead its just making everything worse and i hate it#im trying so hard to be outgoing and fun and likeable and i still feel like i have not made a genuine connection to anyone#this is such a non issue this is such a self focused dumb as hell point of view!!! but!!!!!! whateverrrrr what ev e rrrrr im allowed to feel#i just wish i could feel anything other than superfluous. would be banger actually. would be grant.
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hearing my friend talk about her roster sounds so outlandish to me. like im glad for you bbg and it's so interesting but i don't think i can even imagine being in that same headspace. i can maybe like someone like once a year
#i fully think i might be somewhere on the aroace spectrum#but i know i do genuinely want to be loved romantically#just it's so weirdly difficult for me#and i tend to confuse platonic and romantic feelings#i also realised there were times i just desperately wanted affection i kind of fucked things up for myself more than i should have#when i felt so lonely i latched onto the first person who made me feel seen without me thinking#i can see that i was just feeling a lot during that time and im happy with being friends#god i was such a mess#but also if i didn't go through that i wouldn't have grown into the person i am now#i can cringe at myself and maybe fall back into bad habits but at least now i know better#and this all depends on the person#personally i don't like the idea of rosters and thinking about it stresses me out but everyone has they're own way of things#txt#little ramble#it's also a little frustrating and lonely trying to navigate through my own lesbianism since it still all feels so fresh#im trying not to feel too isolated but ill live#and im still growing so i recognise ill still make decisions i will regret#but i will be more gentle with myself#it's so hard to let myself be happy#actually fuck rosters i don't like thinking about people in that way
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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people interacting w wgoin in my notes... this would be a rly bad time to say all my writing will probably be on hiatus for the indefinite future huh
#not like it makes a practical difference considering i only upload twice a year at best#but im realising how much my writing is shame motivated and its just not sustainable or healthy#it saddens me that these stories i invested So much time and effort into will probably never get finished#i wanna hold out hope that they will but#i dont want anyones expectations to be too high#bc knowing myself they probably wont#i started wgoin thinking that this would be the story i commit to finishing and not just abandon as soon as i get bored#but that was before i had really realised how my brain works#and for a while writing these chapters have felt very forced#gbgb had a much better run till it crashed and i was just unable to pick it back up#tbh that one could potentially still be saved bc of how open ended it is if i get any inspo for it back whatsoever#bc it had no strict plan i was entirely making it up as i go#and im realising thats how i write best. i tried to plan wgoin so id commit to finishing it but im realising that has the opposite effect#if i plan anything too thoroughly writing it becomes like gnawing on lead#cause i got all the dopamine out of the idea already#i write best when i have nothing but a vague idea or a vibe#gbgb crashed bc i ran out of vibes and ideas but if i find any again who knows#there is the possibility where i scrap the plan i had for wgoins entire plot and make the rest up as i go#which i might try purely bc i love the story sm#and i think i enjoyed writing it most back in the first three parts where i Was making it up as i went#which is why im saying indefinite hiatus instead of discontinued#bc there is hope for them. just not. much#so if u stick around maybe follow me on ao3 if u dont wanna see all my posts n just my stories#maybe in 3 years time youll see another wgoin notif or sumn#sorry to the small but dedicated handful of readers who really loved these fics#i wanted to write more for you guys bc ik its hard to find this kinda fic anywhere else; its why i started writing it#but i am but one unmedicated autist w severe adhd. we r working on the unmedicated part tho#ive learned so much abt how my brain functions now n how to make the most of it tho#i told myself id finish any new writing before i post it. so know anything new Will be complete :3#mischiefing time
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we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.
we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.
our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function
#personal#thoughts#đŹ post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I've spent like 6 hours drawing today because we fixated on one piece of art that I originally started as a joke#but I probably had other tasks to do and I don't know what any of them were and I tried very hard to at least make a list or something#but just could not hold a coherent train of thought and got really overwhelmed every time I tried to think of stuff I needed to do#so I gave up after a while because I realised my options were to keep trying and failing and just get upset and start dissociating#and end up doing absolutely nothing while feeling really bad#or just go ahead and draw for as long as I can handle because our brain's fixated on it and at least I'd be doing something#and it's also nice to actually be able to work on art for any length of time after having such bad art block so far this year#oh I did also shower shortly after we woke up which was our main big task of the day I think so that's something to be proud of#our tourette's has been bad and that made it surprisingly difficult and it was kind of stressful and exhausting but we did it#it's also just occurred to me that our tourette's and ADHD and a few other issues have all flared up together#followed by a particularly bad migraine which is a pattern we keep noticing and first noticed back in December#and all these issues are known to involve dopamine but I can't figure out what exactly is going on#when it happens we also start getting sensory overload way more easily
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