#think it is the 'u don't know me like that' factor which is kind of silly :P BUT WHATEVER! i can make something nice that doesn't like.

[b-blushes]

*guy who has already got multiple projects on the go voice* i should make a sign for my front door so people can differentiate it as a flat...

[thenewrises]

aw man another brain ramble (part 3) (18+ MDNI)

14DWY DAY 4 DROPPED!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!

so i spent some time replaying the game to find some info and went through my old posts because some stuff is new! i also have guess ren’s name and idk whether i got it right or not HOWEVER if i do get it right nobody will know… i’ll take it to the grave.

anyways some fun things in day 4, i feel like we’re finally getting into the LORE. which is exciting because one of the reasons i became so invested was the lore we would get on the blog.

ren likes to draw in his free time, that’s a fun tidbit. mysterious ink and mysterious black smoke? interesting… angel having flashbacks about their childhood the more time they spend with ren? LOVE IT.

parts 1 and 2 are here!

anyways with new content i have new observations! i am going down the "let's make him better not worse" route so keep that in mind in this post. i’ve gone through the blog again and hopefully haven’t missed too much, so let’s goooooooo

14 Days With You belongs to @14dayswithyou and @cutiesigh!

1. The Black Smoke

i have to admit i’ve gotten the bad ending without meaning to, because usually aren’t we supposed to want to move in with ren? he wants us to stay right?

not today!

this obviously has something to do with the main factor as the black smoke. what is the black smoke? it’s not a hallucination, and ren seemed EXTREMELY invested in it. and, not only that, he seems perplexed by it. what is the black smoke?

nobody is supposed to live on that floor with him, and even he has no idea about it. he becomes almost extremely fixated on it, and even distracted enough that if you tell them you want to stay at his house he barely pays attention.

it almost seems as if someone is incinerating something in there, but what?

something to point out is a lot of ren's scars are from burns, as fire has something to do with his past. i think i've talked about it before but in case i haven't, i have a belief that ren may have burnt down his childhood home in the past.

could the black smoke be an omen? we can see it as well, so it's not a hallucination of his mind. but this brings me to my next idea of what the black smoke could be.

2. His Computer

if while looking around you decide to peak into his computer, you get a conversation. i think their laptop is connected to their phone, because we can see a one way conversation as if ren had sent something to someone and then answered.

i believe this is river! as there is literally no one else ren would willingly talk to and even that is a rarity. however, confiding in someone with this kind of information seems like something he would say to river.

o - olivia

we know that river knows olivia from this relationship chart, and we've already run into her a few times. however, if she is involved in their past one way or another, she may have some of her own secrets. for one, she refers to ren in quotations, as if not believing their name, and river has been having issues of her following him around. could olivia be the killer? could olivia have something to do with their line of business?

"didn't we... u know?"

olivia isn't dead, so did they threaten her? blackmail her? hurt her?

it seems from my perspective that olivia may have rented out that apartment space and that smoke could be her doing.

we don't get a whole lot of information after that, since river or ren accessed and shut off the messaging app. but it seems olivia plays a bigger part than we thought.

3. What Is "It"?

this is the one that gets me thinking, because in the chat messages we hear about something river refers to as "that thing" and "it".

my first thought was olivia, but that made no sense because they had been properly referring to her and ren probably has no need to stay connected with her.

would this maybe be what's connected to the black smoke?

i haven't seen anything supernatural or non-human in this game, but the first thought i had was that it's some kind of entity. but, if there is nothing non-human in this game then what is ren in contact with? who? what happens when ren makes the thing mad?

it could be connected to his job, or something from his past entirely. one thought was maybe taylor, but why would he be in contact with his father? last time we heard, he has little to nothing to do with his family anymore.

What Is It?

4. The Drawings

something i learned is ren can draw! seems he likes to in his spare time. although angel seemed a bit concerned, as his drawings are not as light and romantic like the web comics they read, but... darker.

ren obviously connects with this gloomy character, who seems to be the main love interest in "always with you". my guess is he depicts gloomy and the MC as those characters, but gloomy specifically connected with them.

ren's inner turmoil is much more extreme then i considered, it feels as if he thinks he is always being watched. he purposefully isolates himself, but we know from childhood they were severely neglected by his father. maybe his father is those eyes, continuously tormenting them due to him not wanting to turn out like taylor.

some final thoughts

i may do another post when i get the time to look through more stuff and try connecting the dots, but this is what i have for now! i hope these coming days are more lore involved because it's been so fun to try and decode stuff.

another thing i didn't mention was the locked box, but there wasn't anything significant there. a ring is the key, so maybe we can get our ring from childhood back soon.

this may have been my favorite day thus far, and i'm excited for more in the future! i think i've been with this game fore around two years now, so i probably will stick around til the end.

[utilitycaster]

How can Molly's death be considered a major mistake? It's the crux of the entire campaign.

so I think about this a lot, because you're right, and it really comes down to like...a lot of factors in how people interact with fiction, and some stuff I feel about fandom.

The short answer is that Molly is some people's favorite character, and they really wanted to watch him for 141 episodes and not just 26, and they didn't get to, and so it's valid to feel sad about that. But I think what personally grinds my gears is the idea that it's a mistake and because this is a Fan Favorite character he SHOULD have come back. Setting aside the fact that he had both his fans and his detractors from the start and a lot of people (myself included) who found him irritating didn't say much for a good chunk of C2 because, well, he was dead, this isn't a fucking competitive reality show. You don't get to vote on your phones to decide who wins a resurrection.

I think the longer answer is that there is a certain type of person in fandom, born of a certain type of person in social media communities, who just...is not willing or interested in considering not just that their experiences, preferences, and philosophy are not universal, but also that they are not objectively best and correct and that everyone who disagrees is wrong. It's often really common in, though not exclusive to, people who have particularly limited experiences - young (like, teenager/early 20s), people who haven't lived in a diverse area or in multiple different areas, people who for whatever reason do not get out much - which both makes sense (haven't been exposed to a ton of different perspectives irl) but also means that you get people who, for all they may talk about global politics, kind of unconsciously seem to act as though everyone they interact with online is a variant of someone from the same 3000 person town in the United States in which they've spent all 21 years of their life. ANYWAY getting back to the main point I feel like Molly attracted a lot of that kind of person, who just...doesn't get that while Molly is, to them, a deeply validating expression of gender identity, for many people he is "guy you meet at your friend's birthday party in a two-bedroom 6 floor walk up and within 5 seconds he has pissed you off so profoundly with his overfamiliarity that you go into the kitchen and mainline as much vanilla vodka as possible to not stab this guy with a secondhand knife that says "CHEESE!" on it even though you hate vanilla vodka and it's summer in NYC and you're on the 6th floor in a small apartment with too many people so it's approximately 117 degrees Fahrenheit in this kitchen and the vodka isn't much cooler, and you succeed in this goal, and then after sending your friend who couldn't make it because they were at a family thing that weekend a picture of a rat on the tracks of the 3 train with a caption "this u?" at 1:54 in the morning you're like "so this guy Molly was there" and they're like "oh my god I met him at Cameron's last party, he SUCKS" and you're like "I KNOW". Like a lot of people just do not get that Molly was very popular with their circle, and also a lot of people either were neutral-to-not-feeling-it. This is before we get into the post-death idealization of who he was that takes him from "irritating but I think he'd have grown on me in some ways eventually had he lived" to "horrible and insufferable fake-ass bitch."

And then we get to the true impasse: the idea that something that does not fulfill every single one of your personal wishes might still be a great story.

I'm certainly not perfect, and there's things I thought I wanted for the end of C2 that I didn't get, and there's some things I do wish we'd have gotten to see (or that we'd have done in C3), but I like to think that I try to remain at least partially open to the possibilities. I like to think that my enjoyment of a story isn't contingent on whether one single character survives, even if they are my favorite (and I say this as someone whose favorite ASOIAF character was immediately Ned Stark, a statement that should surprise no one who follows me) nor that the story precisely reaffirms my existing worldview. I want stories to tell me something new and interesting that wouldn't come from my own head, and I want them to sell me on it. I think that a lot of people lost the thread of the importance of representation, namely, they forgot that while it's great to see people like you in a story, you should also be trying to see people not like you and perspectives that aren't yours. I am extremely defensive of my and other people's right to say "I didn't like this story and here is why" without someone being like "Give it a chance! Here's why I think it's good" but at the same time, there is a difference between "I really wish Molly had stayed alive and I don't like that he died," and "everything that happened after he died was A Mistake because it wasn't what I Wanted, and someone should fix this." Like that's what toddlers do. That's not an adult way of interacting with narrative.

So those people don't even get to the point of "the entire campaign is deeply influenced by the loss of Molly; that is what binds the rest of the Nein together and makes them what they are; the fact that Lucien wears the face of a departed friend is crucial to the entire final arc comprising about 20% of the campaign; and the fact that he does not come back, but someone new, with new chances and new choices to make does is emblematic of a campaign about people who find that they cannot undo their pasts, but neither are they trapped or damned by them." They're stuck at "guy I liked died and I'm throwing a tantrum 6 years later."

[pillowspace]

hey, um!!! i absolutely adore your art and aus and writing and everything sososososo much but, since you ship sifloop and it is selfcest... whats ur perspective on like. the whole "selfcest is incest/worst than incest" debate. and how it applies/if it applies to sifloop at all. IM SORRY IF THIS IS A SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTION/TOPIC u can skip and just ignore this ask if u want!!! /gen /nf im just curious ur perspective since i enjoy sifloop dynamic So Much but i'm just. confused and a lil uncomfortable w/ actually shipping them romantically bc of. well. The Selfcest Factor :'D

Hey, it's okay!!! I don't really mention topics like that on my blog, I'm very tame in how I post, so I'll just shyly hide under a readmore for my answer <3

First of all, I don't see selfcest as incest. I think that if someone were to meet a clone of themself and see them as family, they very reasonably could, but that it itself is not a family situation on its own if no one has decided that. It's a "decide it, and it'll be" situation.

I understand that a lot of people are weirded out by selfcest, and I think that's very valid and reasonable, but I'm very used to it so it's just normal to me.

As for whether or not it's worse, I'm sure it can gross someone out WORSE than incest, that's fine, but I really don't believe a completely fictional concept that does not exist in the real world (even if you can get a tiny bit close) is like... morally worse. It's practically clay, you can shape it however you want.

Growing up around the concept of selfcest made me feel better about myself honestly. It's comforting to tell yourself "I love you," and I dealt with my self-worth issues as a kid by making selfcest OCs to process self-love through creation. Knowing that a fictional character could find worth and affection in themself as if looking at someone else always made me wonder if I could do that too, and that's quite possibly the least harmful thing I could have ever had that reaction towards. Whenever I felt bad, I felt more willing to "talk it out" with myself as if I was talking to someone separate, which made it easier to treat myself with kindness.

I also just generally think the word "selfcest" contributes to this ickiness around it, and I do dislike the word, but I try not to think about it much. It probably could have been named better.

Ultimately: anyone can not like it. That's okay. But at the end of the day, it's harmless and is as fictional as a vampire. And anyone can also not like vampires.

[kotaka-kun]

a (relatively short) Matt/Foggy fic rec list

@goneatlas this one's for u :-)

I have over 90 daredevil fics bookmarked at the moment, so this is by no means an exhaustive list of my favorite fics -- these are just a handful of the ones that just live rent free in my head, five plus years out from my dd/mattfoggy hyperfixation.

The Constellation of Touch by what_alchemy

19,272 words | rated E

Months after Fisk is put away, nothing's right between the partners at Nelson and Murdock. But Christmas is here, and Matt is still expected at the Nelson house.

I don't know how many times I've reread this fic over the years. It's practically canon to me at this point. The way Matt explains his senses to Foggy, and how deeply Foggy comes to understand why Matt does what he does... I love the writing and the characterization and literally everything about it. This fic truly changed my brain chemistry.

Rumble My Bones by what_alchemy

9,342 words | rated E

“Guess we’re still learning stuff about each other, huh?”

From queer gender-swapped Foggy, to the misunderstandings trope, I love everything about this fic. This fic is another one that I love the language of (I think I need to go back and read more of what_alchemy's fics bc hot damn), to the point where I think of this fic every time I see the moon in the daytime.

Pardon Me While I Burst Into Flames by poisonivory

9,627 words | rated E

He moves his mouth a few times, soundlessly - a sure sign that he's working out what to say and doesn't think Foggy will like it. "I, uh, I...remember how I told you I was a demon?" "That's pretty memorable," Foggy says, because, well. "I…may have neglected to tell you what kind of demon I am," Matt says. There are different kinds of demons? Matt's expression is nothing shy of abject terror, so Foggy makes a heroic effort and keeps his voice very calm. "What kind of demon are you, Matt?" Matt gulps audibly. "An incubus."

I really liked how this fic directly incorporated Matt being an incubus to his being Daredevil. Also the fact that this is in fact the kind of healing factor that Matthew Michael Murdock needs if he's going to be getting into fights with ninjas and shit.

Under the Hide of Me by poisonivory

25,213 words | rated E

When a case turns dangerous, Matt appoints himself Foggy's personal bodyguard. Foggy's not complaining - but he would like to know why Daredevil won't stop flirting with him. Not that he's complaining about that, either.

The idea of Matt compartmentalizing his interactions with Foggy when he's in the mask vs out of it is such a fun concept, and this fic is probably my favorite iteration of that. Because Matt having to be so careful about everything he does when he's "just Matt" would make him that much bolder as Daredevil, doing things he normally wouldn't do, couldn't do.

We Just Lost the Beat by knight_tracer, lady_ragnell

19,334 words | rated T

Matt hears a lot in the city at night, sirens and crime--and the late-night radio show Foggy With a Chance, which sometimes runs a Daredevil Watch if he's been particularly active, but which mostly plays music. He probably shouldn't call in and request a song, but he does it anyway.

I love AUs where Matt and Foggy didn't meet in school, but find their way to each other anyway, and the thought of Foggy still being a source of comfort and safety for Matt makes me so so soft... Not to mention the secret identities, the being neighbors, the m u s i c god I love this fic

and alas,,, I have too many favorites written by returnsandreturns so I picked my top 3 for now

The Very Special Adventures of Mikey Murcock

30,924 words | rated E (mostly)

Once upon a time, in that fuzzy space between undergrad and interning and Landman and Zack - Matt Murdock became a porn star. These are his stories.

Okay, so this one is technically not just a fic, and is in fact a series, but it's such a fun premise and I think about it often.

i'll treat you right (be mine tonight)

2,916 words | rated E

This guy’s too pretty to be picking Foggy up. If he didn’t need the money, Foggy wouldn’t take the risk that he’s a Ted Bundy type and he might end up chopped into pieces before the night’s over. Making rent this month might be worth the chance of his legacy being unnamed brutally murdered prostitute.

I know there are a good number of prostitute!Foggy fics, I just like this one a lot. It's cute and fun and Matt's a little older too, which is always fun.

waited my whole life for just one thing

4,912 words | rated E

“Oh my god,” Foggy says, faintly. “Matt, how old are you?” “Eighteen,” Matt says. “How old are you?” Eighteen. The third thought that Foggy had after an apparently teenage Matt was sitting in normal Matt’s apartment, after two emphatic what the fucks, was how he didn’t realize that Matt looked like a ridiculously hot twink at that age when he didn’t have all the scars and scruffy facial hair and jacked muscles to compare it to. There’s something about that mouth when Matt’s clean-shaven that’s just—obscene. He’s going straight to hell.

What can I say, I'm a sucker for time travel fics and age difference ships and crackfic and this is all three.

k bye

[ghostgirl101]

hey, i really like ur writing and idk if ur working on something rn but when you can and if you want to, could you possibly write some ben drowned x reader kissing headcanons? (only if u r comfortable w/ that ofc!) ur literally my favorite writer on this app nd i literally read everything u post lol so even if u don’t do this ty anyway and have a nice day/night and take care of urself!!🩷

Kissing BEN Drowned Would Be Like This:

A/N: Sure, I'm comfortable with that; this is kind of a whole affection headcanon thing, which I've only just realised now I'm reading it over 🙃 I'm glad you like my writing, hope you enjoy this one, take care of yourself too 😀 Also, should I start making a taglist for my creepypasta posts? If you're interested, let me know.

🎮• So. If you're expecting BEN to be an absolute gentleman who asks for your permission before giving you any form of affection, or is a bit bashful to initiate it...

🎮• Haha. Sorry.

🎮• I mean, he'd never push your boundaries or deliberately make you feel uncomfortable when you guys are being intimate somehow, but he's not gonna be shy about it. That's because it takes a bit of time for him to warm up to the idea of physically coming out of the screen and materializing himself enough for you to hug him and everything safely, without getting electrocuted or whatever.

🎮• Another factor is that after all he's been through, the idea of letting himself be that vulnerable around people is a bit of a daunting one, even if it's you, someone who he's learned to trust and get close to until it gets to this point.

🎮• So, well done to you, for earning the ultimate sign of trust from this maniac virus boy. Chances are that after you hint at wanting to be able to kiss him or something, he's gonna act all teasing and dismissive about it, but what you don't know is that the thought stays in his mind after you've finished up on the computer and gone to bed. He watches you silently from the camera on your open screen (that he's insisted you keep open for him to check in on you) and lets the idea of it grow into a nice, tempting one.

🎮• So get ready for yet another burst of an adrenaline rush as BEN gives you the scare of your life when he comes crawling out of the screen as you wake up in the morning, scattering your desk trinkets and stuff all over the place in the process. BEN has very pale blonde hair in his humanish form, almost white, and even paler skin, with empty black and red eyes, sometimes glitchy... you probably know already. BEN's eyes bleed lightly even when he's not upset, but seem to gush blood when he is. But even with the whole horrifying appearance, somehow, he manages to make himself look handsome. Don't tell him, though, or he'll tease you about it and probably won't ever forget it.

🎮• When you get over the initial shock of him literally just spawning into your room, he stays completely indifferent, if not a bit amused, because isn't this what you wanted? It's not like he bites. Unless you're into that sort of thing.

🎮• BEN is a bit apprehensive at first, because, let's be real, you're his first kiss. His life was twisted into an electronic form when he was really young, and so human touch is almost a completely foreign experience to him at this point, so he will start slow. He might flinch a couple of times, but dismisses it and tells you to go on, that he wants to get used to it. And he does.

🎮• When he does, that's when you've got his chaotic bursts of affection energy to deal with. He loves catching you off guard; you could be doing anything, working or hanging around or whatever, and then he's suddenly there behind you, and you get the tiniest of electric shocks as BEN grabs you effortlessly and refuses to let go for a solid five minutes while you fidget in his glitching but strong arms and glare at him.

🎮• The first thing you'll end up doing is hugging, because he likes the feel of being close in somebody's arms in a way he didn't think he could be before. You're warm and he's consistently cold, leading to you having to slap at his hands when he slides a hand down your back or something bratty just to make you squeal and shiver. They draw out into cuddle sessions, another thing he likes, and will ultimately go soft over. There have been many times when you've managed to fall asleep in BEN's arms, and that's one of the rare times where he'll let all his guard down and fiddle with your hair or play with your jewelry or just stare at you with a newfound feeling of protectiveness and fondness.

🎮• Now for the actual kissing part 🙃 I need to say that it really isn't a first "kiss." It's the first of many long makeout sessions, because BEN will drag it out as much as he can, and then stop abruptly when you least expect it, just to be a tease and wanting more. I see it happening when you're rambling about something or other, and he's out in the real world instead of in a screen, when you realize that your faces are inches apart, and he has a blank, frustrating unreadable look on his face.

🎮• And, before you can say anything, he'll take the plunge before he can think about it any more, leaning in and brushing his lips against yours, but waiting for you to accept it and move in too. It starts off surprisingly soft and sweet, until BEN starts getting addicted to the new, intimate sensation, and tries deepening it. Then it's less sweet and more intense, and (sorry for the cliche lol) electric. He tastes kind of appley, and his lips are cold and soft. BEN will carry on going, further and further, to the point of you ending up breathless and him pulling away with a stunned look on his face. That look morphs into his usual mischievous smirk after he recovers in a few moments, and he raises a brow in amusement at your wide eyes and swollen lips, probably with a snarky little "Not bad."

🎮• After you've done it once, you're gonna end up doing it a whole lot more. There are hardly ever any proper warnings apart from BEN gradually moving in closer and being more teasing and flirty, or on sadder days where painful memories of the past come creeping back to haunt him, a source of comfort and reminder that he's still here and has another reason to be alive and basically immortal. It's not just to drive people to insanity and infect their systems with disturbing things until they crack, or whatever other motives he has. Now, there's you, someone who he's decided he needs to look out for and be with in any possible way.

🎮• Like I said, kissing BEN Drowned usually ends in suggestive makeout sessions and the like, because that's just BEN all over. But they're one way he's discovered he can show he cares, and so he'll keep doing it if you want him to, without any hesitation. Realistically, the boy is beyond touch starved, and so that all pours into the affections he gives you. To anyone else, he's a twisted, demon-like boy who makes peoples' lives hell by getting into their heads through ways they can't control, but to you and you only, he'll let himself become more and more vulnerable, until you see that really, he still was and is Ben.

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hey i swear that i was not that rude ass anon but i am very curious would your "actual response" would've been? I ask because i think i had some honest misconceptions about "toxic ships" for a while and legitimately thought that it was a kind of soft support for irl toxicity.

oh, of course I can do that for you, anon. it just might get a little long.

so, what we're gonna do is set the stage with previous asshole anon's declaration: "u know incest is illegal disgusting and traumatizing". and we're going to assume that what they are actually saying here is "incest, which is a subject you have written about in your fanfic and posted online, sometimes seriously and sometimes purely for erotic purposes, is these things" and not that they are accusing me of committing incest in real life. because that would be an insane thing to accuse me of.

to start: yes, incest in real life is all of those things. the first breakdown of communication in this whole debate about "toxic ships" is that a whole lot of people seem incapable of realizing that someone can hold firm opinions about something in reality while also exploring the topic in taboo ways in fiction. i think incest is bad. i think murder is bad. i think bestiality is bad. i think uhhhh fuck what's another crime. arson. arson is bad. but my moral opposition to these things does not prevent me from writing about them.

"Kelly burned her best friend's house down. Wendy killed a man in an alleyway. Kit and Kat are twin sisters who make out." These are just words on a page. If they happened in real life, they would be morally wrong. But they aren't happening. I made them up.

Of the three things asshole anon points to in order to attack me writing about fictional incest, two of them are poor grounds for morality and the third is an extremely good basis for morality but certainly isn't supporting their side of the argument.

Illegal: To start, fictional incest is not illegal. Fictional murder is not illegal. Fictional sex crimes are not illegal. We don't waste time prosecuting Walter White for creating meth because he's not a real guy. But incest is illegal. That's a good thing, under the current state of affairs, but also, I'd argue, a very poor way of deciding what is moral and what is not. Laws are not a god-given code of Good Boy Rules; they're a set of instructions created by fallible people for when the state is allowed to enforce violence, and this violence is not enforced the same for everyone. Often, in this debate, we point to the fact that by this same logic, queerness itself would have been immoral to portray, let alone to be, for as long as it was outlawed, and I find that's generally a powerful and easy way to emphasis how laws can be a poor standard for right and wrong. But I'd also like to add, what is legal is not always moral. Marital rape was legal for a very long time, but we know that's immoral. If incest was made perfectly legal tomorrow, it would still be immoral. So, clearly, what's right and wrong is not something we should rely on government authority to decide for us.

Disgust: So, how about disgust? Is that how we decide what's right and wrong, to partake in, to write about? If it was, then we'd say incest is disgusting, therefore it is immoral, and because portrayals of incest are disgusting, therefore they are immoral as well. But this very quickly falls apart. We clearly can't allow person-by-person disgust to decide what's okay, because I, personally, think kissing is gross, and under this framework, that would mean it'd be just fine for me to point at kissing couples in public and yell EW! FREAKS! That leaves societal wide disgust as the deciding factor in right-or-wrong, and that's a very dangerous beast to try and appease. After all, that joke about me calling couples freaks in public would be a lot less funny if my reaction was rooted in, let's say, society-wide bias against same-sex couples or interracial relationships. There is no arguing with the fact that incest is disgusting, but disgust cannot be the deciding factor in what we allow to happen, because disgust does not care about the whys or the hows, disgust only cares that what it sees is an affront that it will either destroy or hide, and both of those options put people in danger.

Traumatizing: Let's talk about that danger. Asshole anon's final point is where I agree with them. Incest is traumatizing, and that's why it's wrong. It's wrong because of the harm it causes, because someone is being abused and victimized by someone else. Our hypothetical victim of incest is a real person who suffered.

This is where it falls apart for asshole anon.

Because no one suffers from a portrayal of fictional incest. The actors in Game of Thrones are not actually related and are not in abusive relationships. The moms on pornhub are not actually doing doggy with their real sons. and the only person harmed in the making of the perks of being a wallflower was me, who was not warned of its contents and was triggered real fucking bad when i slammed into it.

That's why I get it, you know. I understand the response that a lot of people have to seeing fictional portrayals of real life abuse and pain is to flinch and to lash out at the creator. Especially here on the internet, where a lot of your fellow creators aren't big name writers or actors you'll never be able to touch, but just some guy with a blog who writes porn. There's a lot of hurt people here who never learned, maybe never had the opportunity yet to learn, how to let their initial defensive reactions pass over them before they hurt someone else. (And I say maybe never had the opportunity to learn because there's a lot of people in this "anti" movement who are really, really fucking young. That's heartbreaking for me, both that they've been hurt in a way that allows them to be swallowed up into this movement and that they're now in a community that exists under constant surveillance where one wrong move will get them harassed and hurt all over again.)

Someone's writing is not what hurt them, though. I won't deny that seeing something you're unprepared for can trigger you, but that's why proper tagging is so important and why we need to emphasize that when you go online or into a space like tumblr, you need to accept personal responsibility in that you may see things that make you feel like shit. Someone who ships incest does not inherently condone the abuse someone went through in real life, not unless they're a real shithead. They might be someone who went through a similar experience and find safety in fictional expressions of it, or they might not and they just find the taboo fun to play with. It's a conspiratorial line of thinking to believe otherwise: they're writing about X, so that they can convince everyone that Y is okay to do in real life. When people are hurt, they want to construct a narrative where the hurt is intentional and malicious, rather than them just randomly seeing a piece of art not meant for them and being affected negatively by it.

But, there are real people hurt intentionally and maliciously in this situation. Asshole anon proves that themself. I don't know who they are, they don't know who I am, but they thought that it was morally correct of them to come into my inbox and condescend to me about my writing being disgusting. That message is one of the nicer ones I've ever been sent over the years. And I'm not the only one who can attest to being sent death threats, or people telling me to kill myself, or people wishing that the things I write about would happen to me or to my family members in real life. I'm basically immune to that shit by now, I publish the most pathetic ones if I can come up with a halfway decent zinger of a response and delete the rest without thinking about it. But I'm basically a cockroach freak that spent its formative years in superwholock, I cannot be hurt by anything I get sent now because honestly? I probably received worse when I was twelve.

The only harm that matters is the harm done to real people, and this stupid fucking conflict about fiction has allowed a lot of people on this website to dehumanize anyone who disagrees with them to the point that they think it's not only fine but morally justified to tell them how they wish they would die.

So there's my take on it. Incest is bad because it hurts people. Fictional incest is fine because it doesn't hurt anyone. People who write about incest are not conspiring to support real life incest, because they are writing about fictional people who can't get hurt and if they're halfway decent, they know that real people getting hurt by incest is bad. Attacking people over writing fictional incest is bad because they are more real than anyone they ever write about will be; they can be hurt, the characters can't.

sorry. like i warned you, long. but i wanted to cover as much of what i could think of as i possibly could.

[mikashida]

u seem like u have a lot of wolverine headcanons pls ... 🤲

you've enabled my rambling just know that you did this to yourself. I do also wanna quickly disclaimer I've not read many of the x men let alone wolverine comics so idk how much of this *is* canon or has been mentioned, I was raised by people who thought comics were evil and would "Turn Me Gay" so I only got to watch the movies because obviously movies can't turn you gay (they did)

most of these are kinda depressing the only funny one is the first one

for like General Headcanons that would apply to all variants i 10000% believe the gruff gravelly voice is fake and he just Does That intentionally. I'm not saying his voice isn't deep but the whole like "ruruuuhughgh. im trhe best at what i do but what i do best aint very nice hnrnrghh..." is overplayed. so when he gets nervous or caught off guard his voice raises like at least half an octave. to illustrate what I mean here's a cutscene from the origins game

I also think he tries to drink to slow his healing factor and not necessarily to get buzzed. this is pretty much canon in Logan, but even outside of that canon he's very often been shown to at Least be fascinated by the idea of being mortally wounded if not genuinely suicidal at times and i imagine drinking consistently kinda fucks with that. like let's say he's physically harmed while intoxicated i figure it would probably hurt more/heal slower than it would if he was sober if that makes sense.

to continue with that i think he's tried to kill himself a lot and not in the funny way that deadpool does (like when he shoots himself in the game to get out of a conversation with colossus lmfao) (not saying that deadpool hasnt Genuinely tried to either though) probably doesn't bother anymore but imagine being like fuckin 20 years old and you cant die and you have So Much ptsd and no way to deal with it because its the fucking 1800s

i generally think his ptsd affects him a lot more than the movies and comics let on, which I understand because it's not easy to write when you don't have experience with it. I think it was written really well in deadpool and wolverine though, I am very tired of the perfect victim trope and I like that this logan is actually. kind of a horrible person (I have more headcanons about that but I will stop with this one). he failed his world and that made him the man that saved the universe, but that doesn't cancel out his wrongdoings, and now that he has people in his life again he has a responsibility to do better for those around him

tldr wolverine has issues and i want to make them worse

[nerves-nebula]

People also just make their atheists mcs so boring, as someone who had gone through a fucked up crisis of faith during my teen years I can say with certainly it was not a purely logical thing but a combination of a bunch of factors and a lot for weird emotions, like my relationship with grief, luck, and what it means to be a "deviant". Like guys just make your atheists just as weird as your religious folk, atheists aren't some magically more knowledgeable and logical beings, I dont believe a good god can exist yet I still rant to god/universe sometimes, I also believe in free will but I also sometimes worry that fate itself is conspiring against me, I belive in living for yourself but I still loosely follow some teachings I grew up with (mostly the ones about remembering those poorer from you exist and that you shouldn't waste food, and that you shouldnt do harmful things unless its strictlynecessaryto protect yourself)

(Then again I think the reason so many atheist mcs are so boring to me is because almost all of them come from a white atheist former Christian perspective, while I grew up shia muslim and identify as agonists rather than strictly atheist, so my maybe I just got bored from seeing the same perspective over and over)

nah i get that cuz like even tho i guess im technically athiest or agnostic too (used to ID as agnostic but now i dont ID as anything cuz i feel like those imply a history with belief that i just Don't Have lol. i think for a long time it was just "how tf would i know" and that was that) and athiest characters can be so bizarre to me cuz like. i was raised catholic but i literally didnt ever believe in it cuz it didn't make sense to me. but i thought of it as like, a cool cultural thing i guess?? and I didn't really realize people were serious until i was like 11 lmao. and even then i grew outta that smarmy athiest shit when i was like 14 fasdfdsfasdf

but a lotta athiest characters used to believe and then stopped at some point and its like.. is that why they can't be normal about it? do they have any spirituality or wonder or are they full time committed to The Bit? idk. its weird.

i mean part of the reason im trying to world build so much for hanheppi people is that i just don't grok religion. reading from the perspectives of other religious people kind of broadened my horizons but i just dont really get it and idk how to have my questions answered without it sounding like im taking the piss or smth lol. so im just doing more research but like. REALLY slowly.

really slowly because i keep getting caught up in world building things that i do understand better, like hierarchy and city planning and the gender system :p

im supposed to be doing my final on Hanheppi faith and I straight up still do not really get religion. BTW if you're reading this and are religious, or weren't and converted, or you used to be, can u let me know what the fuck is up I am DYING to understand cuz I have, like, a genuine appreciation for the spiritual. I fuck with an adoration of nature and the world around you and big overwhelming emotions, i just can't connect that shit to religion.

honestly there's almost TOO many books about it. It's hard for me to figure out which of these millions of religious books to read because there are so many, with insane biases and history im not aware of, and i have no idea which ones will give me the insight I'll need to Really Lock In.

I understand a lot of surface level ideas about being religious but when people describe it to me what I don't really get is how all of that then transfers into you going "and so that's why i've converted to Buddhism" or something. like what makes it all funnel into the choice of one specific religion rather than another.

ok sorry this ask got away from me. point is: yeagh

[ladydeath-vanserra]

CoN + the Eternal Perpetuation of Abuse and Toxicity

ok see here's the thing. people aren't born evil. people aren't Born awful and despicable and monsters. there's always a mix of genetics and environmental factors that end up bringing out the worst in people

ok now think about the Court of Nightmares

you will NEVER get me to believe they're all just evil monsters who all delight in harming each other for... just because. you will NEVER get me to believe that Morrigan is the one (1) person in the entirety of them all who is just ✨️pure and good✨️. actually dare I be controversal: her pick-me nastiness is a byproduct of living there. OK NOW MOVING ON

consider them all being trapped in that place together. They are trapped under that mountain with each other. there is severe power imbalances put in place, which means people are trapped with their abusers under there

sometimes, when people are trapped in a corner with bullies, or they're being raised by bullies, that is all they know. they build the same nastiness, the same callousness and pointy and sharp and mean words and actions as a means to defend themselves. it is pure survival. it is not "lol they're all awful and delight in hurting people". if people are being awful and enjoy it, that means there are victims of that hurt and wickedness. are we saying they enjoy being victims of that torment....?????

if basic needs aren't being met, often times contention and cruelty is born out of necessity. When you're around hate, you become hate to protect yourself. often it's not even intentional or conscious, its a defense to protect yourself from that hurt. you bite before you get bitten. toxic environments breed toxicity

until there is a new option brought in, until there is hope and resources and a way out, nothing changes. it all festers. it all gets worse

Rhys being like "lol they all delight in hurting each other. i just leave them be" about the CoN is perpetuating all of that abuse. he is letting it fester and grow. victims are being made every single day and he is choosing to let that happen

Keir wants out. he wants his PEOPLE out. maybe they don't want out so they can just delight in cruel merriment everywhere under the sun. maybe, just maybe they're trapped in hell and working with what they have

Feyre is complicit in keeping those people there. When Keir says his people want to be FREE from the mountain she's like ok but all ur comfort tho. is that not enough for u

Feyre died UtM. She saw victims being brutalized UtM. UtM was designed and inspired by the CoN. is she REALLY going to subject the same women and children and men of that kind of torment???

@kateprincessofbluewhales @ae-neon @achaotichuman @bookishfeylin

[austinslounge]

https://www.tumblr.com/austinslounge/772846321444978688/not-deuxmoi-basically-confirming-what-we-in-the?source=share English is not my first language so I don't understand everything, especially the Instagram/social media part. It's better for me if I read the stuff 'cause I'm not good with the listening part. Can you make a summary for me, please?

Hey Anon!

Sure, I'll summarize DeuxMoi's podcast for you regarding the Kaustin breakup. (Take with a grain of salt of course)

Summary:

Austin and Kaia have been having issues ("things were bad") in their relationship for at least 6 months

From what she heard, she did not hear that cheating was a factor in their breakup. They were each just busy and doing different things and weren't seeing each other much.

Kaia started to get nervous and asked him if they were done, and Austin said "I think we're done". The source says that Austin was being distant and aloof, and Kaia was picking up on the signals, and that's what initiated the breakup.

DeuxMoi stated that yet again, she wants to stress that she didn't hear that any cheating was the reason for their breakup.

She then said she received an anonymous email from someone that they heard that Austin and Emrata are hooking up, but that she cannot vouch for the validity of that email.

She also has heard fans spreading rumors that there's something going on between Austin and Zoe, especially due to pictures of them spotted at her "Blink Twice" after party looking up adoringly at him, but Deux feels that this is just pure fan-fic, and she hasn't heard anything of the sort from her sources. She says however that now that Austin and Kaia are both single, they're obviously going to be spotted with other people, but as of right now, we have to wait to see who they move on to.

One of the sources said that Kaia was kind of blindsided by Austin's reaction ("yea we're done"), which, according to DeuxMoi, further proves that cheating wasn't the reason for their breakup.

With all that said, given that DeuxMoi didn't even realize herself (or from all her sources) that Austin and Kaia were having difficulties in their relationship for at least 6 months, I'm not sure how much I believe every single thing she reports about them. It's clear she doesn't really know much if she herself didn't realize smthg was up when Kaia was acting out with Marcello. 😒

Imo, I kind of get the impression that Austin is just taking a break and enjoying life right now. He's probably relieved to be out of the Gerber Cult tbh lol, and doesn't seem like he's in any rush to get back into another serious relationship again, but I guess we'll see!

HTH!

[flufallo]

Um.... I found a random quote generator

Cat king: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person.

Charles: Actually, Edwin is my favourite.

Cat king: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

Edwin: Do you have a self-care routine?

Jenny: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

Charles : Do you guys want to see a butterfly?

Niko: Ooh, yes please!

Jenny, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!

Charles: It's not a bug though...

Jenny: ...

Niko: ...

Jenny: Well I still don't want to see.

Niko, realizing: Please don't throw-

Charles : Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

Monty: Edwin keeps forgetting which WiFi network they're supposed to use.

Monty: So I renamed ours to "Edwin, use this one" to help them out a little.

Charles: How would you like your coffee?

Crystal : As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Charles, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Cat king: Fuck you.

Esther : No u.

Cat king: I'm down.

Esther : You're like 2, what the fuck-

Cat king: I AM NOT 2!

Cat king: Monty is a strings kid. We must sacrifice them to the band gods.

Charles: Yes.

Crystal : You're right. It'd be a good initiation for me.

Monty: Wait, guys, what about the truce we signed-

Charles: What truce?

Cat king: *sigh* The truce that we must destroy all the choir kids and leave the strings alone.

Esther : Wait, I'm a choir kid!

Everyone else: *prepares for sacrifice*

Squad reactions to being called straight:

Jenny: The fuck, no I'm not.

Edwin : Excuse the hell out of you?

Cat king: Ding dong, you are wrong!

Charles: Who told you that? And why did they lie?

Niko: Rude.

Esther : *punches the person*

Cat king: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

Esther : At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Cat king: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

Esther : Somehow that's worse

Jenny: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Monty: What makes a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

Edwin: A stab wound.

Jenny: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Monty: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Niko: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

Crystal : Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Niko: I just want someone to take me out.

Crystal : On a date?

Cat king: With a sniper gun?

Esther : Both if you're not a coward.

Esther : OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE!

Monty: *Climbing* THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!

Cat king: Is this mistletoe?

Edwin: Uh, no, no, that is basil.

Cat king: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you.

Edwin: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Charles: You know what’s funny about Edwin? They’re my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt them is someone I’d murder, probably.

Charles: I’ve only had Edwin for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Cop: What are your names?

Esther: Don't tell them, Cat king.

Cop, writing: Cat king...

Esther: Crap.

Cat king: Nice going, Esther.

Cop:

Cat king: Uh oh.

Monty: I’m taking a look at your numbers, and it doesn’t look good. You have a lot of measurements. Quite a few variables.

Charles: Is that… bad?

Monty: Variables are the #1 risk factor for outcomes. The past is a big contributor to the future.

Charles: Isn’t that just causality?

Monty: Causality is the leading cause of death in this country.

Charles: So what are my odds?

Monty: Do you have a family history?

Charles: Of what?

Monty: Just, in general.

Charles: …Yes?

Monty: Oh no.

Niko, texting Edwin : *sends a voice message*

Edwin , texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?

Niko: No, don’t worry, just listen later.

*later*

Edwin : *presses play*

Niko's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

Monty: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Esther , used to Monty being dumb: Sure...

Monty: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Esther : Okay?

Monty: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Esther :

Monty: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Esther : Jesus, that one is a little-

Jenny, interested: No, no, Monty, keep going.

Crystal : But we’re friends! I was building up to calling you a nickname soon!

Edwin: That’ll never happen! In fact, you just lost “Edwin” privileges. From now on, you can call me by my last name or ‘Hey, you.’.

Crystal : Come on, Edwin.

Edwin: *glares*

Crystal : Come on, Hey you.”

Crystal : That shirt looks great, Charles.

Charles: Thanks.

Crystal : But I bet it would look even better on Edwin's floor.

Edwin: Are you hitting on Charles... for me?

Cat king: What do we think of Monty?

*pause*

Charles: *sighs* Nice pal.

Crystal : I think they're gay.

Esther : What am I supposed to do?

Monty: If I were you? I’d try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in.

Esther : I’m an atheist.

Monty: Then just get ready to die I guess

*playing twister*

Crystal : Right hand red.

Charles: *ends up on top of Edwin *

Edwin: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Crystal : I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice

Cat king: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Edwin: We're chopsticks!

Cat king: Well... that's cute!

Cat king: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Charles: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Monty: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Edwin: Sure!

Edwin: Whats your favorite color?

Monty, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

Edwin: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows

Cat king, to Esther : All right, let’s tell each other a secret about ourselves. I’m going to go first– I hate you.

Cat king: I’m a bad person, I’m a very bad person, I’m a horrible person.

The Squad:

Cat king: No you’re not, Cat king! We still love you, Cat king!

Esther : This should be illegal!

Jenny: It is.

Jenny: What scares you guys the most?

Charles: Werewolves!

Niko: Sharks.

Edwin: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.

Monty:

Monty: Edwin.

Charles: What do you think Cat king will do for a distraction?

Edwin: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Edwin: ...or they could do that.

Charles: Pfft, you should meet Niko, they're such a tsundere.

Monty: They... they just stabbed you.

Charles: So cute.

Cat king: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Niko: But we lost Esther .

Cat king: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

*Cat king falls over*

Monty: Cat king! Are you alright?

Cat king: Is that you, God?

Monty: What?

Cat king: It's just, you sound a lot more like Monty than I expected.

[garyc0re]

rigby (regular show) & borderline personality disorder

(a post by someone with a b.a. in psychology)

tw: abuse, neglect, suicide

what is borderline personality disorder?

borderline personality disorder (bpd) is a cluster b personality disorder that severely impacts a person's ability to manage their emotions & causes unstable relationships with others in the process (national institute of mental health).

while there are multiple risk factors for developing bpd, one of the most common is childhood abuse and neglect (bozzatello et al).

rigby's childhood

in multiple episodes of regular show, rigby's parents (barbera & sherm) are shown to participate in behaviors hinting at abuse or neglect. specifically, rigby's parents favor his younger brother (don) and are often seen comparing rigby to don, or ignoring rigby for don. additionally, rigby is implied to be intellectually disabled (ex: being unable to spell his own name), which neither his parents nor his teachers took seriously. on top of that, he is also bullied, a common childhood experience that has been shown to worsen borderline personality disorder (erazo et al). the episodes below focus on rigby's home life, but note that a child's school life is very important for the development of mental disorders, too.

01x10 - Don

this episode introduces viewers to rigby's resentment towards don, which we later learn in other episodes is primarily due to their parents. we're led to believe that rigby is upset about his sixth birthday party, where don unintentionally steals rigby's friends, taking the attention away from him. we're later told that, "it's everything. i'm always in your shadow. you're so much better than me. everyone likes you better, and to top it all off, everyone thinks you're my older brother. i'm the older brother! me! why do all my friends think you're so much cooler than me?" with a montage of rigby's friends consistently ditching him to hang out with don when they were children.

05x18 - Rigby in the Sky with Burrito

in a flashback, barbera says to a teenage rigby, "you're always making so much trouble for yourself. now don never gets in any trouble when he's at school."

06x27 - Lunch Break

in a flashback, pre-teen mordecai and rigby buy five boxes of cereal in order to dig for special prizes that come inside the cereal box. sherm catches them and forces them to eat all five boxes of cereal, saying, "nothing? this is nothing? you've been digging for prizes again, haven't you? you know the rules, son. don't you dare open a new box of cereal until you've finished this one. and since you're a guest in our home, mordecai, that rule applies to you, too." after eating the second box, rigby looks at sherm, and sherm says, "don't look at me, look at your cereal." this ends up with the two in the hospital, as the cereal contained trace amounts of poison that sherm hadn't checked for.

07x03 - The Lunch Club

rigby vents to benson about sherm in this one: "wow, you're pretty messed up. my dad, he was always like, "your brother don is so amazing. just go back to being a screw-up, rigby." i don't even understand half the reasons i do the things i do. i'm expected to be a clown, so i'm a clown. but clowns cry too, man. clowns cry too."

07x13 - Just Friends

in this episode, sherm comments, "now there's a son i can be proud of!" about don while rigby is in the room.

Regular Show: The Movie

when teenage rigby gets his letter from college u., his parents are shown to lack any emotion about it, not bothering to hide the fact that they expected him to get rejected even though he is excited about the letter coming in the mail. when he finds out that he didn't get in, sherm says, "look, rigby, we were kind of expecting this, so we looked up an out of state school where-" on screen, it is shown that his parents were planning to send him to mexico by himself for college, despite the fact that rigby is implied to be intellectually disabled.

07x27 - Rigby Goes to the Prom

this is the episode that most people think of when they think about rigby's parents. there are many moments in this episode that show the unstable relationship rigby has with his parents. for example, when don convinces rigby to go see their parents so that he can ask sherm to borrow his car, sherm comments, ""drop in." ha! you really think rigby would just come to dinner? i know you just need something." barbera asks don, "so, how are things at work?" to which don replies, "great! we just picked up cheezer's as a new client." sherm says, "that's our donny!" rigby awkwardly pitches in, saying, "i ate at cheezer's yesterday." there is a silence before rigby's parents blantantly choose to ignore him, saying, "that was a good update, don." rigby then lists some of his recent accomplishments, to which sherm replies, "yeah, and?" after a fight, rigby storms off to his room, which has been turned into a walk-in closet. after being given the keys to sherm's car by barbera, rigby spends his entire date with eileen nervous that he will mess up sherm's car. during the date, eileen notices that he is nervous and asks what's wrong; rigby replies, "no, my mom gave me the keys, but it's my dad, you know? he doesn't trust me with anything. i was hoping he'd finally be ready to see me as a real person. it's always don, car, everything else, me." afterwards, sherm makes a scene at prom upon finding out that rigby took his car, screaming at the students and the principal, and eventually finds out that rigby is at lookout mountain with eileen. sherm puts eileen and rigby in the car and begins to drive recklessly down the mountain, yelling at rigby the entire time, saying, "seems like every day you find some new way to mess up our lives, and now, you've found someone new to mess up their life, too!" (referring to eileen). sherm then nearly crashes the car, saying, "it's your fault we're here in the first place!" after a few scenes, the car is eventually totaled in a near fatal accident, and after crashing the car, rigby exclaims, "the car!" sherm says, "forget about the car. are you okay?" to which rigby looks surprised that his dad would care about his safety.

as shown in the above examples, rigby is implied to be (and sometimes is blantantly shown to be) abused and neglected by his parents. this would put him at risk for borderline personality disorder.

symptoms

in order to be diagnosed with bpd, a person must experience five (or more) of the following symptoms:

frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (note: do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5)

a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) (note: do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in criterion 5)

recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

chronic feelings of emptiness

inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

(desk reference to the diagnostic criteria from dsm-5 by the american psychiatric association).

i'm going to go over each symptom that rigby displays that leads me to believe that he has borderline personality disorder.

CRITERION 1: frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

i want to quickly go over another terminology exclusive to people with bpd: favorite person (fp): "a favorite person is relied on for comfort, happiness, and validation. the relationship with a... favorite person may start healthy, but it can often turn into a toxic love-hate cycle known as idealization and devaluation... at first, an individual may view their favorite person as flawless. however, if the favorite person doesn’t meet expectations or isn’t available, someone with bpd might swiftly shift to intense negativity toward them. these shifts between idealization and devaluation can occur rapidly and frequently, leading to instability in the relationship." (bachert).

it is my belief that mordecai is rigby's favorite person. rigby is shown to have an intense fear of abandonment that often revolves around mordecai. while it is impossible to go over every example, i will go over a few of the ones that stood out to me while watching the show.

01x06 - Meat Your Maker (Transcript)

rigby becomes distressed when mordecai is mad at him in these scenes and is later shown talking to himself in mordecai's voice, reassuring himself that mordecai isn't mad; "yeah, rigby, you're doin' good."

01x08 - The Unicorns Have Got to Go (Transcript)

rigby is angry at mordecai for bailing on their plans to hang out. despite claiming that he's "gonna have to get some new friends," he appears distressed when mordecai finally has enough and leaves. he ends up nearly crying when trying to apologize to mordecai later, claiming "i miss you."

02x15 - Temp Check (Transcript)

doug begins to copy rigby's traits to the point where he begins to shapeshift into rigby, stealing his friends. rigby appears distressed and angry the entire episode. when mordecai chooses doug over rigby, rigby has an emotional outburst.

05x05 - Wall Buddy (Transcript)

rigby admits that he wasn't upset that he had to clean his room; he was upset because he felt like mordecai sold him out, saying "it used to be both of us against the man... now my only buddy is wall buddy."

Regular Show: The Movie (Transcript)

the most severe example of rigby's fear of abandonment is during the movie, when he forges mordecai's rejection letter to college university. he does this because he believes that mordecai will leave him behind if they go to different schools. he keeps this secret from mordecai for as long as he can in fear of losing him.

rigby's fear of abandonment extends to eileen, but his fear is not as intense as it is with mordecai.

2017 Special #4: Fancy Dinner

in this comic, rigby believes that eileen is going to leave him because he doesn't know how to cook.

CRITERION 2: a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

rigby often alternates between thinking mordecai is the best person in the world to being intensely mad at him, often because his fear of abandonment was triggered. this is referred to as "splitting," and there are several examples where rigby splits on mordecai, as shown below (salters-pedneault).

01x04 - Death Punchies (Transcript)

rigby goes from being excited to play dig champs with mordecai (idealization) to being angry with mordecai due to some teasing on mordecai's part, even going as far to say "i hate you" (devaluation) minutes after being excited to hang out with him.

01x08 - The Unicorns Have Got to Go

rigby goes from being excited to spend time with mordecai (idealization) to insulting mordecai with his new friends (devaluation) after mordecai bails on their plans together.

02x02 - It's Time (Transcript)

rigby goes from being excited to see zombie dinner pary with mordecai (idealization) to flirting with margaret the whole episode in order to purposefully hurt mordecai (devaluation) after mordecai bails on their plans together.

05x05 - Wall Buddy

rigby goes from being excited to get chimichangas with mordecai (idealization) to being extremely petty the entire episode (devaluation) because he felt abandoned.

additionally, rigby relies heavily on mordecai for emotional support. this is part of the "idealization" phase of the idealization/devaluation cycle (ertel).

02x01 - Ello Gov'nor (Transcript)

rigby relies on mordecai to walk him to the bathroom when he has nightmares.

Regular Show: The Movie

teenage rigby refuses to go to college if mordecai can't go with him.

07x16 - The Eileen Plan (Transcript)

rigby seeks reassurance from mordecai.

07x38 & 07x39 - Rigby's Graduation Day Special (Transcript)

rigby is unable to give his speech without mordecai's direct support.

CRITERION 3: identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

rigby has low self-esteem and has been shown to change aspects of his identity on a whim.

03x24 - Trash Boat

rigby changes his name to "trash boat" because he thinks it will make him look cooler, and then regrets it when he is made fun of by his friends.

03x33 - Diary (Transcript)

while confessing his secrets, rigby admits that he's a horrible person.

07x16 - The Eileen Plan

rigby impulsively goes back to high school in order to impress eileen.

CRITERION 4: impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging

rigby has shown signs of binge eating and impulsive spending.

because this post is so long, i'm no longer able to add images, so i'll copy the transcripts instead!

01x11 - Rigby's Body (Transcript)

rigby participates in binge eating with mordecai.

"(A montage begins of Mordecai and Rigby eating a variety of snacks. At the end, the Snack Bar is a mess, and Mordecai and Rigby are sick from overeating.)

Mordecai: I need to eat something healthy, like a salad or something.

Rigby: What? Are you kidding? Dude, all these snacks are free, dude. (Stops himself from vomiting) Trust me. If we keep eating, we'll feel better in no time."

01x12 - Mordecai and the Rigbys (Transcript)

rigby participates in impulsive spending with mordecai.

"Rigby: Dude! Check it out, man! They're here!

Mordecai: What's here?

Rigby: Our fake band t-Shirts that we ordered from that site last night."

05x05 - Wall Buddy

rigby participates in impulsive spending regularly.

"Mordecai: (grunts) How are we gonna fix this now? Why didn't you just clean up your mess? (Mordecai pushes Rigby) It's like every time you have to do something simple, you buy some dumb product and make it worse!

Rigby: What? When have I ever done that!? (screen shows some of Rigby's past products he brought up in the series like the Brain Max from "More Smarter" and The Russian from "One Pull Up". Rigby then slides the products away.) Anyway... (sighs) I'm upset!"

mordecai and rigby participate in life-threatening scenarios not listed as an example in criterion #4 in the dsm on a consistent basis. for example, rigby eating an omelet to obtain a hat that he wanted on impulse despite the fact that he was deathly allergic to eggs, leading to his hospitalization.

additionally, it is a staple in the show that drinking soda or eating wings is equivalent to doing drugs or drinking alcohol, which mordecai and rigby participate in in too many episodes to count.

CRITERION 5: recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

Regular Show: The Movie

rigby is the only character in regular show to have attempted suicide. after mordecai ends their friendship, he asks his ship to fly him into the sun.

"Rigby: (crying and depressed) Fly me into the sun so I won't have to be sad anymore!

Computer Voice: Fuel cells critical.

Rigby: No, No, No! Come on! STUPID SHIP! STUPID SHIP!!

Computer Voice: Auto pilot engaged to nearest refueling station.

(The Ship takes Rigby to the refueling station. Rigby gets mad and kicks the ship, hurting his leg and falls into the gas tank, knocking him out.)"

CRITERION 6: affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood

CRITERION 8: inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

i'm putting these two together because, for rigby, his unstable moods are often paired with intense bursts of anger. there are many more examples than the ones i have listed, but these were the ones that stood out to me the most.

01x04 - Death Punchies

rigby destroying their room after mordecai makes fun of him and saying "i hate you" in the process. criterion 6 is met here as well because rigby spends the rest of the episode angry at mordecai.

"(Rigby runs to his and Mordecai's room.)

Rigby: Wahhh!!! (Jumps on Mordecai's bed.) Ugh! Ugh! Dumb Mordecai! I hate you!

Mordecai (downstairs): You better not be messing up my side of the room.

Rigby: (Yells and grabs a book) YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!! (throws book at the door, it bounces of and hits him in the face) Oww!!! (screeches in pain continually off-screen)"

01x10 - Don

rigby spends the entire episode angry at don, and ultimately lashes out at him, saying that he's mad at don for being born.

"Don: What's going on with us? You never give me some sugar. Did I do something?

Rigby: Yeah. You were born!

Don: (visibly hurt) Wow. That's heavy. I gotta get out of here."

Regular Show: The Movie

teenage rigby destroys his room after being rejected from college university.

"Past Rigby: If I can't go to college with Mordecai, then I don't want to go to college at all!! (He slams his door, throws things off his desk, tears down his "College U" posters and turns on his console.)

Game: Welcome to College U, the College for accepts everyone.

Past Rigby: Meh!! (He flips his T.V. to the ground and falls to his knees, resembling Future Rigby's flashback. He looks at his letter, which has "Rejected" stamped on it in red.)"

CRITERION 9: transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

rigby shows signs of stress-related paranoid ideation.

02x15 - Temp Check

before doug's scheme is obvious, rigby spends time stalking doug due to paranoia, as doug is spending extra time with mordecai and copying the things that rigby is doing.

05x28 - Expert or Liar (Transcript)

rigby spends time paranoid that everyone is out to get him after being humiliated on national television.

"(Rigby then tries to pull the man's face off, leading to a montage of several failed attempts to find Bert Coleman. He ends up attacking a mime, yelling at an ice cream man, frightening a couple making out on a bench, bothering a construction worker, looking into a horse's mouth, and even fighting with Bloodshed and Manslaughter, who fight back. Rigby is then seen walking around with a black eye and angrily eating food. He looks at a billboard that is advertising Expert or Liar, the camera zooming in to the word 'liar.')"

as shown above, rigby fits 8/9 of the needed criteria for borderline personality disorder. it is possible that criterion #7 (chronic feelings of emptiness) exists but is not expanded upon in existing regular show media due to the fact that the characters in regular show rarely express their true feelings outside of anger.

comorbidities

people with borderline personality disorder often have more than one disorder. some common comorbidities include (shen et al):

mood disorders

anxiety disorders

substance use disorders

other personality disorders

rigby canonically has an anxiety disorder (specific phobia, claustrophobia) and participates in substance use (however, it is unclear if he participates frequently enough to warrant a diagnosis of substance use disorder).

conclusion

whether or not it was unintentional, rigby is a bpd-coded character. many of the characters in regular show would benefit greatly from therapy, and rigby is one of them; though eileen helps him improve himself later on.

here is the twitter thread that inspired this post! it has resources for people with borderline personality disorder at the end, so i recommend checking it out.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

https://www.tumblr.com/reflections-in-a -critical-eye/757069484485902336 /interesting-that-w-korea-covered-the -upcoming?source=share

The article does make u give it side eye.. no usual ppl are writing such abo type things.

Also do u think jkk thinks that ppl take interest in their friendship or look at it more closely than other pairs? I remember there was this interviewer who asked jk if all BTS has the same friendships among others like how he has with jm or not. while mentioning to jm the interviewer also referred to that one moment in BTS's book. don't remember if it was regarding Tokyo trip or if it was the bar scene when jm goes after jk. leaning more into the later one. the interviewer seemed more like he wanted some controversy regarding BTS's friendships but jk handled it well.

Then when that other interviewer in US asked jk "I know jimin's in town too right?" the question ain't odd but looks like jk wasn't expecting it lol. he looks baffled there for a sec and given how they were acting secretive i wonder.

This is an interesting question and I'll admit I was intrigued a bit by each of those situations when it happened.

But first, I do want to look at it from an outsider perspective because I do think there's an answer here as well that has nothing to do with them as a romantic ship.

Jungkook being asked live during an interview about Jimin shouldn't be shocking. The interviewer was a BTS fan and for her, knowing there's another member of the group freshly arrived in the city, of course she'd briefly ask about him. It was entirely plausible during that interview. But Jungkook was caught off guard because the remark wasn't probably part of the previously established set of questions, which means he wasn't prepared with an answer in English, hence the awkwardness.

As to the other situation, that ended up a written interview for an American magazine (Variety, Vanity Fair? I don't remember, but I do know it was one with long history in the entertainment business).

If the interviewer mentioned a passage from the book in the context of Jungkook's friendship with Jimin, it shows that the person has done their research. That's the bare mininum and going as far as finding that particular source (which is mostly for the fandom circle), it shows there was a bit of digging. But even if that entire source wouldn't exist, I believe (and this is where my heavily biased perspective comes into play) that for an outsider, it becomes obvious very fast that Jungkook and Jimin have a close relationship just by observing them even in group settings. It is less complicated and less debatable for those who are not heavily involved within shipping/fandom spaces. We can sometimes lack perspective or see the bigger picture because we're too close to it. For a person who probably dedicated just a couple of hours of research because they had to do an interview with Jungkook, Jimin most likely stood out in terms of friendship/relationship of any kind.

Was the question asked in order to create controversy? It is possible of course, but in this case, I doubt it. The stakes are low. Even if the interview would gain traction given the subject, the usual readership of the magazine is not the fandom of a kpop idol. It wouldn't be worth it and I doubt anyone dug deep enough to know that group duos and dynamics can be a sensitive topic.

Lastly, apart from the short piece in W Korea being slightly weird, it does make me pay attention even more to the type of coverage and reactions that AYS is getting ahead of its release. If for almost a year, the excitement was contained in jikook circles, it seems that ever since the first teaser a few weeks ago, it has captured the attention of the fandom at large and beyond.

Factors such as their popularity as soloists do come into play to a various degree, but I believe that the footage we got so far is really appealing to a wider audience. They are simply fun to watch! You don't need to ship them or to believe they are in a relationship to be able to enjoy it. They have chemistry together and people are drawn to that.

To answer your initial questions, all these inquiries over their relationship or mentions have always remained neutral, without an actual hint at something else. Yes, there was talk about couple pjs, a Japanese website calling their announcement of the show as them looking like a couple, or using the word bromance in the headline. But all these are small details that are used as fun ways to attract/cater to audiences, while remaining in the platonic sphere. It's good for business, but everyone is keeping a safe distance. Which I believe will be entirely fitting with the actual show.

[theresattrpgforthat]

My wife's looking for a TTRPG where you run a store. I don't know why she wants this but as her husband I must deliver, hit me up please noble ttrpg purveyors

THEME: Running A Store

Hello! I have quite a few games that I’ve recommended in the past for this, so I’m going to direct you to a few of those first. I have a Markets and Trade rec post that you might want to check out, for example, as well as a post about Tavern Games. There will also be a considerably sizeable list at the end of this post.

Now, let’s see what else we can find. Most of these look like they’re specifically for running a cafe, if not for some kind of food service. That being said, the goals for each of these games are very different!

You Want Fries with That?, by Matthew Landrum

Welcome to our company! We’re sure you will find working at our restaurant rewarding and fulfilling as you deliver meaningful dining experiences, develop marketable employee skills, and enrich company value.  Just trust in the guidance of the General Manager, and remember, we’re all family here! 

In You Want Fries with That? each player takes the role of an employee in a fast-food restaurant, scrambling to meet customer needs and find meagre satisfaction in their work.

This is a cutthroat game of struggling to keep up with customer orders in a fast-food environment. Play happens over a number of rounds, in which players will cover for each-other’s weaknesses, strategically take breaks to conserve your stamina (and your enthusiasm), and battle against wage theft, angry managers, and rapid promotions.

If you want a chance for your characters to interact with each-other and role-play, you’ll want a different game than this. But if you want a survival game that takes place in a hostile environment, consider this one!

Twenty (Stories Tall), by kumada1.

On good days, when the weather is clear, you can see the end of the world from your window. You work in a little coffee shop in the Inner Circle. It's one of many coffee shops and kiosks in the city of Abject, and if there were other cities left in existence, they would probably think the people of Abject have a bit of a coffee problem. There is no food scarcity, no one starves in order for coffee beans to be grown, but the volume of beans produced here is truly extraordinary, and they are ground, brewed, and consumed daily at hundreds of quaint little bistros across the city.

Your shop, with its little bites to eat and its trendy décor, is no different from the others but for one important factor---you.

Ever since you came of working age, there's been a power stirring in your blood. Sometimes, when you get too bored, or too angry, or otherwise too emotional, you grow. You grow from Small to Medium, Medium to Large, Large to Twenty. And at Twenty (stories tall), you're big enough to go toe-to-toe with the monsters that would destroy your city.

Twenty is a 50 page tabletop roleplaying game about fighting monsters and working in food service. Twenty uses things you could find in a coffee shop instead of dice, and it regards relationships as hit points. It's suitable for oneshot or campaign play, and it comes with a starter adventure.

The theme of running a shop is definitely here, but the target of your character abilities look to be aimed more at fighting giant monsters. It’s also a game that encourages you to think about the stresses and horrors of customer service. If you like a game that’s a bit tongue-in-cheek, then this is the game for you!

Whistling Wolf Cafe: Multiplayer Edition, by Lucky Newt Games.

Thank you for joining us at Whistling Wolf Café! Our motto is “You might not always get what you want, but you’ll always get what you need.” Serving customers by giving them what they need to feel better instead of what they prefer can be tricky, but I trust that your amazing tea-brewing skills will win them over. 

There’s a small shop next door with things that might help you, and people looking for a bit of work. Just be sure you use your own tips to purchase them or the owner will be, well, not so happy. Also, I hate to say it, but the more bad reviews you get, the worse it looks for both of us. So do what you can to avoid that.

Whistling Wolf Café is a café sim game for 2-4 players. You are a master brewer who is more focused on what a customer might need rather than what they want, and that can complicate things. All you need per player is a deck of playing cards, a handful of six-sided dice, and something to take notes with. Between a shared Shop and a few different items, player interaction is built into the game.

If you like games that are about taking care of other people, this game might be up your alley. It looks like there’s also a balance component - how many customers can you serve, and how well can you brew your tea? The descriptions for the tea and food offered in the cafe look absolutely scrumptious. Definitely worth checking out!

Coffee & Chaos, by CobblePath Games.

Coffee & Chaos is a comedy tabletop roleplaying game about running a cafe, bar, restaurant or other establishment as everything goes very, very wrong around you.

Coffee & Chaos allows characters to retain all of their quirks from any other games they might be in. Your druid can still wildshape, your street samurai still has their cyber-arm. But when taken out of their element the focus is on how they use those skills and abilities to solve problems (or accidentally make things worse).

I like the idea of transporting your already-created characters into a new setting, and Coffee and Chaos certainly does this. Your character will have three approaches to problems: Knives (direct approaches), Forks (creative approaches), and Spoons (considered approaches). Coffee and Chaos is designed for comedy more than realism. The goal for this game is fun stories more than anything else.

Games I’ve Recommended in the Past

Poutine, by the Kinematic Cafe.

Sweaters by Hedgehog, by Haunted Oak Press

Spirited Cafe, by A Couple of Drakes.

A Diner at the End, by Bammax Games.

Merchant, by Hella Big Claws.

Fox Curio's Floating Bookshop, by lostwaysclub.

[radfemsiren]

So this is a really difficult question for me to ask because I have a lot of shame around it, but I wanted to know if you (or your followers) had advice or resources for a woman trying to unlearn kink. I've had a preoccupation with a certain disciplinary act ever since suffering through child abuse in a fundamentalist home. When I was a young woman I was in an abusive disciplinary relationship and people in the community always condemn that, but it gets so confusing when I also see them fetishizing relationships that look just like it. It's hard to make sense of because sometimes the dynamic seems harmless and even helpful, but also it doesn't seem healthy to want to be punished even if said punishment is not that bad. Like, that is kind of a form of self harm, isn't it? I am sorry. This is so uncomfortable, but I can't talk to anyone in the kink community, and a lot of the feminist angles are about men choosing to harm women, but that doesn't help me because I don't usually engage with men, and it's not like hardcore BDSM with sex involved. (To be clear, there's never sex.) Jillian Keenan is a really prominent voice in this specific community and always calls out abuse, but she still takes the choice feminism angle of empowerment is what makes you feel good. I am questioning everything about my preferences and wondering if I've never dealt with the abuse properly. I don't want to bring it up with a therapist because it's so embarrassing, and I don't know if they'd even be helpful. I'm not trying to make you my therapist either, and I totally respect if you ignore this. I'm just starting to question things and feeling a little lost and confused.

Thank you for the ask! I think it’s good to push through how uncomfortable it feels to speak about what we are ashamed of, it takes away its power.

I was racking my brain trying to think of what kink could possibly not include sex, but I visited the woman you mentioneds channel and realized lol.

I think analyzing your own behavior and understanding where it came from and what it’s currently doing is really powerful. I discussed my thoughts on similar topics here here here and here and here before, hopefully they can help! Your relationship to your sexuality is something that’s unique and so many factors are at play: the individual’s sexual history, motivations, mindset, lingering feelings. The act you’re referring to might be harmless to some people, but if it specifically stems from abuse, and feeds on shame and trauma, then there is a problem.

A big reason why radical feminists critique kink is that pain is a big factor in what makes kink, kink. And looking at the patterns shows that women are the primary receivers of pain in bdsm communities, by an overwhelming majority. We can also look at csa statistics and see that women are an overwhelming majority as well, more than 80% of victims being female. Going through any form of abuse while you are developing makes it hard to separate pain and pleasure… but it’s imperative to your healing journey to do so, in my opinion.

Recovery from a traumatic event has a goal, which is to move on and heal. It can’t be left in the past and fade away if it’s continuously brought up again and again in the bedroom. Retriggering yourself is still retriggering yourself, even for the purpose of pleasure. I also personally don’t think it’s a good idea to pit your libido against your recovery: if you reinforce that attaining a sexual climax relying on retriggering past abuse and mixing pain and pleasure, then it’s doing so many things. It’s placing your climax on one side and moving on and healing on the other, and the animal part of your brain will always choose the climax. What makes kink, kink, is both the pain and pleasure being present. So if sex isn’t involved in your situation, I’m thinking there must be some form of pleasure still, so a form of sexuality at least is present.

Sexuality relying on pain and self harm also enshrouds the unhealthy behavior with this air of taboo, which makes it even more difficult to let go of. Kind of like fast food, indulging in unhealthy sexual behaviors starts to feel like how a junk food cheat day seems to taste better than a regular, home cooked meal. It’s not better for you, and often doesn’t even taste better, but knowing how bad it is compensates that. That’s why so many food addicts find it hard to not quit fad diets… the more restrictions, the more your psychology makes it tantalizing.

So that’s why I think continuing is harmful, but just telling yourself no isn’t the way to go. But rather redirecting yourself, trying new things, talking about it, introspection free from shame… all of these helps cultivate and grow a healthier relationship to your sexuality. Instead of restricting bad behaviors, trying out new things and having your sexuality grow in a different direction is a better move. I used to not be able to enjoy sex, for example, without drinking alcohol. Instead of cutting myself off, I worked with myself and analyzed where my behaviors came from, while slowly trying out things that weren’t so overwhelming that made me run grab a drink first. It’s a process, developing a healthy sexuality and learning what you personally prefer and enjoy… but just being honest with yourself, and exercising love and acceptance of yourself is already a huge step in progressing forward. ❤️

I’m not well read on the topic, so besides the book, The Body Keeps Score, I don’t have any other recommendations… but if anyone does, feel free to add your thoughts and recs!