#think i'm doing this right. augh
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leedo no diggity fancam by bearbunny616 (src youtube | tweet | twitter profile)
#flashing tw#oneus#leedo#kim geonhak#foroneus#malegroupsnet#kflops#* my gifs#nkd.gif#oneus.gif#oneus.ld#hey guys. collapses#alsooo it's my first time making gifs of fan-taken stuff but i made made made sure they had nothing against editing so#also didn't know which place would be best to credit so i did multiple because i figured it couldn't hurt#think i'm doing this right. augh#ult bias tag#<- for me
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andrew always being at kevin's side because kevin needs it and andrew driving kevin to night practice and andrew patting kevin down to check for injuries and andrew promising kevin it'll be fine and andrew looking awake, interested because of kevin and andrew conserving his energy for kevin's quiet meltdown and andrew smiling for the first time without the drugs because of kevin and andrew always picking up when kevin calls
#my posts#my aftg posts#aftg#all for the game#tfc#the foxhole court#the sunshine court#kandrew#kevin day#andrew minyard#tearing my hair out climbing the walls chewing drywall#i've always loved kandrew in some way but a few weeks ago it's like a switch flipped#and suddenly i'm absolutely feral over them just constantly thinking about them /and/ writing fic#do y'all know that in some way andrew is the reason kevin started learning how to play right-handed#because they had a fight and andrew said he won't step foot on the court until kevin does as well#augh it's so interesting like how do you even come up with a dynamic like this
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honeymoon phase! (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#me when the modern au fluff gets to me viciously#i LOVE modern au... i'm so weak to it... augh..... i love them in another universe getting the chance to be mushy and sweet *explodes*#most of all i just like to see wolfwood in his full element of being able to love and care about someone so openly and honestly.#it's what he was meant to do... what he wants to do.. what he deserves to do T_T but anyway. this can be interpreted as their many years to#come honeymoon phase but i do think modern au vw would have like their 2 year break up that devastates the both of them and irreversibly#changes their lives but it wouldnt be anything nasty. it just is. and then their lives go on as is for those 2 years before they steadily#and veryyyy very very very slowly get to around a second chance for each other. never necessarily awkward but theyre obviously afraid of#hurting and being hurt and also uncertain of what's right for themselves. but then they'll just get it one day and then they get married!#that's my ideal modern au vision anyway...... happy end... with so much emotional devastation of unspoken feelings and personal life troubl#ruporas art
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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does anyone else find it fucked up that moon's friends protect themselves from her with the skyfire at the end of moon rising?
#wings of fire#moonwatcher#look okay i've been slowly rereading the series on and off again bc one of my friends is getting into the series#so correct me where i'm wrong in asking why kinkajou feels entitled for moon to disclaim she's a telepath and seer upon first meeting her#when the news that nightwings don't have powers anymore and that they manipulated the entire sandwing succession war conflict#for their own gain went PUBLIC so nightwings are a hated tribe#nevermind the fact that moon feels like an outcast among her tribe because she hatched off of the volcano and never had to suffer#though it's sweet that her mother cares for her and worries about her she still calls moon her 'weird little diamond'#and impresses upon her 'secret hidden safe' which is basically wof's conceal don't feel#when was moon supposed to feel safe enough in disclosing her power she's hated FOR having and hated for NOT having#do you (general) think she's in ANY position to advertise she's the tribe's ONLY true seer and telepath in generations safely?#'i get what kinkajou means but it feels almost like having to disclaim your trans or disabled. Is a bit fucked' is what my friend said#it's the same fucking thing as 'i'm losing the person i once knew' but perhaps not in those words and not nearly as harshly#i know kinkajou comes around to moon eventually and they remain friends. but there's something REALLY fucked about it imo#same friend pointed out there's a queerness to this which i will 100% agree on like it stings on a personal level#like. look i still like the series but man reading it critically and interacting with it in a more adult lens#is definitely an action i am doing right now.#i think i'm still correct in saying darkstalker was a child. evil is not created in a vacuum. hatred is taught not inherent.#it does not excuse him from the evil he did commit. but he was a child. he was a FUCKING ABUSED CHILD. augh. (quietly losing my mind)#rex rambles
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HEARTBREAKING
Worst Dad You Know Has an Extremely Endearing (Now) Reoccurring Character Trait
For further context: this whole FB involved Sharena and Henriette seeking out lockpickers in the Order of Heroes to open this VERY SECURELY locked box from Gustav's room that took Tina's special staff to finally crack open (or rather -- "steal" the contents out of. No one could actually break the lock!)
And the first instance of this!
It makes me wonder if he saved anything related to Sharena..........
#fire emblem#feh#man. henriette's sad portrait w 'yes. he must have' carries so much bittersweet grief. augh#when it comes to sharena idk if i would be more angry if he did save something or if he didn't. i'm almost leaning towards the first though#like. idk if i can even word it but it fucking sucks when you have family that 'loves' you and they do actually genuinely love you#but they just. do it wrong. and fail you severely in the process. you think to yourself it would have been easier actually#if they had simply never loved you at all. or if they were upfront and told you they don't love you anymore.#at least then you can be as vindictive as you want and hold a grudge forever and be completely justified#but extremely begrudgingly this DOES make gustav a compelling character. in so many ways#you can see where it all went wrong. you can see henriette sees something in him that no one else can. and she's not crazy for it#she was probably there. she probably saw it all happen. she knows him w a level of intimacy no one else does.#and now you see these little humanizing traits. he loved his son. he loved his partner and wife.#juries still out on his daughter.#but you get what i'm saying right? it's terribly tragic. it's painful.#man.#i'm still gustav's number one hater though. just so we're clear.#AUGH IT'S JUST. THE PLAYFULNESS OF IT. IS ACTUALLY SO PAINFUL. LOOKING AT EVERYTHING WE KNOW#they had a rock competition........ to find the roundest rock.......... and she won....... and he saved the rock she found......#THAT'S. AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#you cannot fucking IMAGINE gustav doing that. and yet. in another time. he did. and that's who henriette fell in love with#and that's who herniette still sees. and she's not fucking wrong for it. not entirely. he still has that fucking rock.#dude i'm gonna be sick.#fe gustav#fe henriette#sharena#fe tina#fe alfonse#he's. mentioned. might as well tag him LMFAO
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my last week, a visual demonstration
#Robin processes emotions on main#hi yes I came back early. it's in order to process. I needed to like.... spill my guts on the dashboard tonight#IM STRUGGLING..#I have GOT to get a job#just one (1) more visit to a friend this summer and then I will be APPLYING for things again#also I'm having the very devil of a time trying to get myself to contribute to this household. I hate it#I hate that helping out makes me feel like I'm losing my agency—losing myself—like I'm dying every time. I want to be BETTER than this#but I also need to feel like an adult with agency but also I need to BEHAVE like an adult but even just saying that makes me feel nauseous#I need. something. to change. I hate this. I feel selfish and cowardly and I hate feeling selfish and cowardly#I need to . communicate. work something out with my mother so that I stop feeling perpetually behind and ashamed#if I could manage to feel good about chores and not just like I'm scrambling to keep up..... that would..... be... more... motivational#the problem is that I feel unsafe/unstable right now and my instinctive response is to close myself off to all demands#WHICH AS YOU CAN IMAGINE IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO BECOMING MORE STABLE.#demand avoidance makes me bad at contributing to the household AND terrified of applying to jobs and AUGH... AUGH.#I DO BETTER WHEN I LIVE ON MY OWN#living on my own‚ I don't have to deal with the whole soul-crushing horrorshow of negotiating my own emotions about doing chores#chores are GOOD and ENJOYABLE when they're for ME. they're only psychological torture when they're things I do as part of my ''rent''#ok. bedtime. I've sufficiently spilled my dang guts all over the place. it will get better eventually I think#I'm just having a horrible time Right Now#I'll figure this out though dangit#I KNOW the answer is to just Do the stuff and face fears and communicate and whatever I KNOW. but if anyone tells me that I'm going to bite#ok I'm done thank you and sorry to anyone reading this far <3 it really will be all right
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okay okay okay so i just finished the terror and i think i'm insane
#okay alright so here's the thing#i've never really seen a tragedy through to its endpoint. that is what this is.#however. ohhh my god i need to do another rewatch Right Now so i can listen to the music#i noticed something right at the beginning but i think there might be something to analyze in how western tonality breaks down throughout i#so like. it's set in the mid 1800s. we've got some pretty solid era of western tonality happening. and i can't help but wonder#if the show descends into the brutality of the arctic. does the music foreshadow or parallel this#bc there's some jaunty tune in ep 1 and music like that just Vanishes pretty immediately thereafter.#and the last shot has the most haunting sustained pitches with really really dissonant overtones.#and ends unresolved. in a way that pieces from the 1800s standard canon don't.... really do. and i just. augh. hm. how does the music work#i must know and i must know Now#the terror#so sorry y'all i'm just stuck like this you're in for the long haul
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OUTIS send help, Doctor Who is the gift that keeps on giving 😭😭😭 i thought the Toymaker would be the end of it but folks in my Toymaker server made a few jokes about Six. and i had -no idea- about what kind of character Six is. holy FUCK i am in LOVE with this pompous, arrogant asshole 😖💖💖💖💖 he's so cute!!!!! so abrasive!!!! so......PASSIONATE!!!!!! i didn't know he was such a freak!!!! yes yes yes please do rewatch his era because i'm doing it for the first time and having a blast 😂💖
yes,,,, YYYYEEESSSSS. This is perhaps the best development that could have happened. I need you to know how quickly I scrambled downstairs like some sort of Ghoul to try and find the old boxsets and AUGHE!!!!
I FORGOT WHAT AN ABSOLUTE CHARACTER HE IS!!!
He's got such an incredible amount of drama and charisma and wild-eyed charm inside of him, I can't believe how this man has slipped to the back of my mind for so long. Even outside of his borderline regeneration-induced-mania during his first storyline, he's just. such a delight. Colin Baker is having the time of his life delivering every line, and you can TELL
Look at him - what's not to love?
Also, this isn't directly related to our dear multicoloured man, but - thank you for giving me an excuse to Stare Affectionately at Classic Who! There are so many of those delightful quirks and silly set-pieces you can only really find in early 70s-80s sci-fi, sprinkled all throughout, I just,,, ah <3333 it has been so long
OKIE IM RAMBLING BUT >:) EHEHE I cannot wait to see you slip further and further into Doctor Who Fevers. Come yell with/at me anytime, I love seeing ppl experience Classic Who and all the wonderfully wild things it has to offer
#I FORGOT HOW SNIPPY AND SARCASTIC HE WAS POST-REGEN#I MEAN HE ALWAYS IS TO SOME DEGREE BUT ESPECIALLY SO RIGHT AFTER....#“that's three 'I's in one breath - makes you sound a rather /egotistical/ young lady” SIXXXXXX <3333#I do also love Peri being like '>:( god-DAMN you're ugly and old and mean' RIGHT OFF THE /BAT/ AMSDNASMND#AND HIM BEING LIKE 'clearly im having some sort of breakdown. I need to become. a hermit'#STAR I AM SPINNING AROUND W/ U IN A FIELD. HAPPY DAYS ALL AROUND.#I know 6's run is controversial bc he's a lot more arrogant but tbh. so far I'm having a lot of fun. Batting my lashes at him.#call him a showpony because I'm going to ride h- <- outis is forcefully dragged away#I think I only really watched 6 w/ my nan so the memories are more sparse than some of the other docs#a bit more familiar w/ 4th bc he was around for 17234823 billion years (affectionate)#but AUGH <3!!! SIX!!! HE IS SUCH A GOOD TIME!! I'M ENJOYING RE-DISCOVERING HIM SO VERY MUCH!!#also the background music is so good??? like the music in The Twin Dilemma is amazing?? that little musical sting??#I can't remember if it's like that all throughout this season but AUGH <33 Classic Who you never let me down#I also love his little gestural quirks. whenever he fiddles behind his ear I feel my heart go <333333 MANSDMSAN#ANYWAYS ANYWAYS. outis rambles in the tags. an extremely expected development MNASDMAN#OKIES GOOBIE. STAR HAVE SO MUCH FUN.#doctor who#sixth doctor
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you know what, it was on me for expecting anything different from mr russell t 'all the information i ever need about anything happening in the world i get from the front page (and *only* the front page) of the guardian' davies but. the nuclear winter caused by *checks watch* No Piano really. really broke me.
#i know i know it's just a silly sci fi it doesn't have to make sense!!#but I think there's a difference between like#hand waving fun#and genuinely lazy writing#if you're going to be so self righteous and congratulatory about your work#you better actually DO THE WORK#that was just so....boring#dismally unintellectual#dr who at its best always manages to hit the right balance between fun for kids and actually being a bit clever#this was so flat and uninterested in saying anything beyond the obvious#AUGH anyway thats my untagged rant of the week sorry if you genuinely liked it by all means keep on doing that#i'm just mildly devastated at the idea that the show is somehow both engaging with wild and whacky EU stuff#while at the same time just regurgitating 2005s lamest plot beats#absolute nightmare of a situation#ncuti gatwa is the only saving grace of any of it and man's HOLDING THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED#but he's too busy being drowned out by twee violins and the sound of 75 million trumpets to have a chance in hell. absolutely devastating.
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I wish all Precure seasons that attempt to force a reciprocated romance between young teen magical girls and animal-fairy mascots that turn into Ambiguously Adult Hot Guys™ a very Stop That Immediately Dear Gourd Why. 🫠
#this is about yes precure 5 because thats what i'm watching right now#but i'm aware of at least One other series that does the ikemen fairy thing (Hugtto) and I desperately hope they don't do that there#& I get that teen girls can & will develop crushes on an older teacher-figure. two in one season is a bit much (nozomi AND komachi) but FINE#← grudgingly#but to have both Coco and Natsu (i Refuse to call him Nuts it is Too Dumb) act like they reciprocate those feelings / play into them...#blegh. not a fan#Coco holds Nozomi to his chest a few times & this episode at the resort he refers to her as ''princess'' and i KNOW it's the writers#and the fact it's an older show too. but i'm SOOO tired of it#and Komachi... Komachi my sweet girl why do they do this to you. why do they make Natsu say ''i feel calm around you''#why why why why why. augh. so tired#i read the episode summaries for a few eps ahead of where i currently am (ep 26) and oughaohghh it's gonna keep happening :/#🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 blargh#anyway#yes precure 5#precure... salt? crit? neg? are there rant tags in this community idk i'm sorry#not that this is like. a particularly controversial opinion i think. i hope.#hard to catch up-recure (saa minna de)#eMerambles#eMerambles in the tags
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i finished. catching up. ha. haha.
#OH MY GOD#OHHHHHHHHH MY GOD#WOAH. woah. going through uh. what the kids these days call Emotions#so many times they went through the horrors.. and they continue to do so... AUGH#I am going through second-hand horrors on behalf of them. what#who said that#anyway#woah haha#craaaaazy am i right#ohhhh my god...#i need to sleep. and process this#i reread from picture perfect arc so it was A Lot#i am soooo awake rn though. dear god#favourite is still kou love that guy. god does he suffer#jshk is sooooo good and for a reason#and the art is so amazing as well!!!!#sumire and hakubo's relationship also. their last moment was engineered specially in a lab for me to Think About for a Long Long Time#i'm still screaming in my head over Everything btw#ALSO the latest chapter. woah okay haha so you're just gonna do that to me huh#or in other words: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#okay it's almost 3am so I'm going to sleep goodnightttttttt#rrrramblings
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spent my whole shift on the line and Not Liking It At All. this is why i only wanted to work in the back. my fingertips hurt from hot food and my hands got So Dry from washing my hands a million times and there were tons of little things that annoy me. like. we have three kinds of bowls and three kinds of large plates. WHY
#WHY do we have three NEARLY IDENTICAL large plates! what is the logic! does a salad really fit that much better on one than on another??#I DON'T GET IT#i'm sure there's some kind of explanation. maybe the boss DOES think the salad looks better on one plate than another#but since it makes no sense to me i keep forgetting. also the salads themselves are so similar i keep mixing them up too#and the other cook present lost a contact lens so he had to walk right up to the screen to see what orders came in#we found a groove of sorts eventually. but i Did Not Care for the experience. and i'm sure it's going to happen again#bc the boss now knows i can do it! bc i wasn't gonna be incompetent! i was gonna do my best and i did and now he wants me to keep doing it!#ugh#augh#blech#work#personal#abbie needs a twitter
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want to cut my hair again like you wouldn't believe. What are the possible consequences of going bald
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#actually i dont mean bald i just mean all one guard length#but hhhhh maybe i'm in an awkard stage maybe not i just CANNOT live like this#middle part is frustrating because it's not perfect in the way it sits side part is frustrating because i look like a girl#i feel like i could go all in with the 4 and then sorta texture a bit with the 2 guard HOWEVER having used the 4 previously. i know#how short that is. it might not look good so i worry#the bright side is it would grow out a bit by the time of the parade but augh i hate this#i'm currently a tightly wound ball of rage sorry. i didn't eat much of anything 2day#tried to call the hospital to get help with the letter/consulation thing preceding top surgery and they were NOT OPEN so idk if they will#be open tomorrow or not. the passage of time has gotten very vague all of a sudden#iiiiiii do not think i am doing well. lol. idk why though! god forbid any of it have a reason#i almost wish i'd relapse just so i could like. eat food again#idk i don't think it would solve it but i feel in my heart it might make things easier#buuuut because relapse is Bad For Me i guess i have to avoid it. well i want to anyways.#one bad day would not a reset make but my previous day happened this year already so...#i dunno it's been so long that i feel like it's not valid or whatever cause it was at an age where i can say it was a 'phase'#.............. i dunno what to do with that information. anyways.#i mean so what if i went all in on it again anyways? i kinda miss it lol. it's not like i could do any serious harm??#(potential infections aside.)#i just want to be creative and i CANT because my stupid brain will NOT think of anything#and the majority of what i have concretely written of this was written... get this .... right when i was trying to stay clean at first#correlation does not equal causation ........ sighs#i feel like i'm fighting a losing battle because i WANT IT to be that bad again#i've never really regretted it & it's never really been because of anything#i just started because i was curious about why someone would do that. that's all#i dont think i've EVER had any of the mental distress i see people in when theyre in these spaces#in one journal entry i made this big deal about wanting to kill myself but *i didn't want to*. i never did.#like sorry old me but it is REALLY hard to believe i've ever been depressed depressed#i just want things to be better and they never are :/ this should be everything i wanted and its just ... not#i'm not really sure how to ....... oh tag limit ok hold on
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doing chemistry math on paper always makes me feel like a real little scientist like heehee dimensional analysis u r like a little board game to me!
#also just something ive been thinking about. the more i like. go out and do stuff and have structure in my life again the more im like#aw man thats right! i'll never be able to live my life in a way that isn't embarrassing!#like no matter what i do forever and ever there will always be someone who thinks what i'm doing is embarrassing#NO MATTER WHAT!!!! so like who gives a FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK DUDE#like. idk. there's bigger things than whether taylor swift's music is good or not#(it's fine! it's perfectly serviceable pop music that fulfills the cultural niche it was created to fulfill! like whatever!)#LIKE WHO CARESSSS IF I STILL GET EMOTIONAL OVER DOCTOR WHO LIKE ITS LITERALLY!!!! AUGH!!!!!!
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