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#things won't change that much from now
bitegrip · 2 years
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okay,,,this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone given my chronic inactivity, but i'm going to officially back off of this blog for the foreseeable future
i'd like to make it clear i have no desire to abandon it or let it rot like a necrotic limb on my list of blogs tho. srsly. i'll come back eventually. but animanga & bnha, whilst beloveds, are not my main fandoms & never have been. i retreated into bnha/ect during a difficult shift in my primary fandom that i'm finally reconciling with & it's time to re-integrate
i mentioned a bit ago that i'll be shifting focus over to the bts fandom (which is my main hole) n come back once i have my feet under me. this is essentially just a verbose restating of that. but realistically it might be a hot ass minute, given that the niche i'm attempting to reinstall in the army is kinda barren & lifeless atm + i've missed it sm
i unfollowed a shit ton of accs in this manner, so if i don't follow you anymore it wasn't personal. likewise, i'll still use this blog, but prob only to rb bkdk fan art/ect & occasionally speedrun a hyperfixation. feel free to message me or send asks or interact! it's not like i'll be ignoring it lol. but i won't be keeping up w bnha & other animanga (and as such would not like spoilers). like a sideblog, more or less
if you want to follow me into the bangtan fandom feel free, but be warned that i run a nsfw rpf/rps blog. i do have a non-rpf/ect typology sideblog dedicated to bangtan if that interests you, tho. just ask abt them!
n with that i'll formally step out. it's been real y'all. see you whenever i start uncontrollably & unsustainably spinning like a top abt bkdk again 🤙
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kariachi · 2 months
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Just cannot forget that the show had a whole romantic subplot about Kevin being interested in Gwen but not up to making a move and just, never bothered with why. The issue at play was never actually addressed. Instead we just get a steady stream of Kevin not making a move despite his interest, while Gwen pushes him to make a move, and then Gwen finagles a move out of him and the show just, carries on like there was never something keeping him from making a proper move in the first place.
The closest we get is in the third season of AF, where we get a nice look at his mental health issues including some nasty self-worth issues, but even then the focus is less on 'wow Kevin is having A Time and this shows us some things about his character' and more as 'and here's how his response to his situation is affecting Gwen'.
Even in the fandom I've seen it treated more like a case of Kevin being whiny and selfish over nothing, like it didn't lead to him teaming up with Darkstar- something the heroes only ever do otherwise when in desperate need of help dealing with an actual and immediate threat to life.
Just, if you're going to base your drama around something, at least actually fucking resolve or acknowledge the cause of the issue, rather than just brushing it under the rug once you're bored with it.
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rotisseries · 8 months
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rick riordan dickriders on here will be like "why are you complaining about the pjo tv show, go watch the movies and see what a bad adaptation really looks like" ok well listen to the musical watch it on youtube and see what a good adaptation looks like bitch. it can be done. as a fucking stage musical. what did that 15 million per episode do for disney that chris mccarell couldn't
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alexcabotgf · 10 months
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not to be true crime posting on main but i think i'm falling down the wm3 rabbit hole again
#xenia.txt#when i tell you this case keeps me up at night to this day#not even the murders themselves as much as the general public's reception to and opinions on the case 3 decades later like#i get why it;s always been so divisive especially after the pl docus came out (lots of opinions on those btw none of them are good#from the bottom of my heart fuck you joe berlinger and bruce sinofsky)#but it's truly baffling how no one is willing to do the research on what is arguably THE most well documented true crime case in recent#history like. everything that's ever been released to the general public is available online and i mean everything#you can find all the court files trial transcripts depositions interogation tapes aerial photos you name it it's out there for anyone with#internet connection to access at any and all hours of the day#and yet people are still foaming at the mouth fighting on reddit abt their innocence based off nothing but a couple of movies like#bffr with me right now!! almost every point the innocenters make can be easily debunked by scrolling through callahan for 15 minutes#'but they've been pushing for dna testing since their release so they can't be guilty' baby the case is closed!#it's been closed the second they took the plea. they can be striking under that courthouse and it still won't change a thing and they knowi#that's why they're pushing for it in the first place but that's just my opinion#^ and i say they but it's really only echols which makes a lot of sense to me personally#and if you want to talk abt dna testing let's talk abt the one that was done in 2011 and how the defense hurried to propose the plea as soo#as they got the results! let's talk abt those cause no one's ever seen them and i would very much like to#braga share the results the people want to know!!#makes me wonder which pieces of evidence they even submitted for that 2011 testing because if i'm remembering correctly#there was one that would've closed this case instantly and maybe that's why the results were never disclosed and the plea was rushed#but that's also just my opinion#and it's also interesting how the majority of people who have in fact deep dived into this case#(and i'm not talking abt big true crime youtubers as i'm very sceptical abt their research abilities)#all collectively lean towards guilty. much to think about#i was hoping someone would make another ~actually~ unbiased documentary for the 30th anniversary and go over all the case files#but i don't think that's even realistic at this point seeing as everyone and their mother has some sort of an opinion on this case#hbo deserves another lawsuit for this. they should've never won the first one in the first place#true crime tw
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kuromi-hoemie · 2 months
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i am once again thinking about The Boy
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not the movie lol
#give it up for day 13#how has it just been 13 days since my first time seeing him in so long#🙈💕 i like how i haven't had A Crush in a sec and the last person it was on was him lol.#there's a lot of little stuff that's changed since then abt myself and between us ig but good lord i have never been more attracted to him#than i am now 😵‍💫😵‍💫 seeing him in sweats and a sleeveless turtleneck that first day has just had him in my head every day since#like HELP he's hot 😭 but then like... so am i omg (⁠。⁠ノ⁠ω⁠\⁠。⁠) actually cleaning my place finally so i can have him over lol#i know I'm hot but at the same time i forget ykwim.. until i look in a mirror or see a picture and I'm like oh right i exist.#anyways ms ma'am is getting better at talking to her friends abt these kinds of things ʕ⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ ♡⁠#i say that there's nothing I'd do for a lover that i wouldn't do for a friend and that i just love ppl fundamentally#and i know this is my true self‚ but I'm somewhat new to living that in practice and on purpose.#I'm a little clumsy i think but no one's seemed to mind 🙈💕 i am happy that I'm learning and i am happy to deepen my friendship#and i look forward to how much easier this will be to navigate a yr from now ^.^ I've been polyamorous for a year and a half ig#and i feel like I've found my comfort zone yk? :3 ♡⁠ what being polyamorous Means To Me#it's good to be here.. i look forward to the friends i will make after i move and i wish i was more forward w the boy sooner omg#but it's okay. he won't be Too far away it's just a bit of a trip. i wanna have him over a couple times before i leave tho and hopefully#many more at the next place ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა ♡⁠ but i will visit him too hehe his family's rly nice
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themthistles · 1 year
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something about the way guilt is portrayed in beyond evil. guilt as a state, guilt as a place you're condemned to. 'i will go to hell' 'life is hell' 'you shouldn't even set foot in that hell' but it's not really the hell we think of, not in the traditional sense. hell is where you're supposed to be sent to suffer and repent forever but all of them go there willingly. (that's why han kihwan will never end up there as juwon wants because he feels no remorse over his actions) they choose to stay and let it scorch the life out of them until all that's left is someone hollow and brittle, real person buried beneath the surface in a grave they themselves dug. in that way it's not lee changjin or the water that killed nam sangbae. it's guilt. that's what doomed him in the end. that hell of his own making he never managed to escape. and as he drowned, he probably thought he deserved that too. jeongje's still there until the end but so much of him died long ago. he's a ghost haunting himself. he tells juwon 'if you don't get out quickly, every breath, every moment of your life becomes a nightmare' if you stay that hell alone long enough, that's what happens. at a certain point you can't wake up anymore. you forget how to leave
#there are these parallels between nsb jj and jw#how both of them give him advice that comes from experience#'don't do this you'll regret it' 'don't do this there's no coming back from it' and both times he doesn't listen and ends up just like them#jw's almost a ghost in the beginning like jj but ds and manyang yank him back to life#and then ds doesn't let jw become another nsb he refuses to let him stay in that hell alone he says as much#i think ds learned how to claw his way out a long time ago#what he says in ep14#'wouldn't regret be a luxury for me'#a luxury#he understands that guilt at its most extreme is ultimately self serving#because it keeps you in this woe me state where you become so obsessed with your own failure that everything else gets drowned out by it#ds does the opposite he decenters himself in his mind focuses on the pain of others instead of his own#'this is how he makes himself happy' this is how he survives#he knows that wallowing in guilt won't do any good won't change anything what's done is done he accepts it#he says 'if i could go back i WOULD do the same thing again because that's all he could ever do#he did what he thought was right at the time now he has to live with it#nsb can't figure that out can't accept his mistakes can't move on from them so he's stuck in the past#he dies stuck in the past#'you want to cry aloud for your mistakes but to tell the truth the world doesn't need any more of that sound' you know?#that i think is the point in the end#but does that ever fuck you up how jj nsb and jw (for a while) are driven by guilt but ds always acts out of love#he has so much of it despite everything#and juwon only surivives because he starts acting out of love and care and devotion instead of shame and remorse#beyond evil
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absensia · 6 months
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There is a cost for resurrection, even for a vessel such as Charlotte. As a vessel for the primordial void, Charlotte's body undergoes a supernaturally rapid decomposition after death, decaying so completely and so quickly that in a matter of a couple scant hours, there will be nothing left of her whatsoever. What took a mere fraction of a day to break down, however, will take ( at least ) a few days to reassemble. ( To date, the shortest amount of time it's taken for Charlotte to return is 49 hours; the longest absence was 8 days. )
In the time between her complete decomposition and her reappearance in our reality, the vessel we know as Charlotte must be reassembled, rather painstakingly, by Khaos itself. Just as it did when it first created this vessel, Khaos brings together the fragments of a being: personality traits, memories, stories, and eventually, the physical form, too. Piece by piece, it reassembles the killed and obliterated doll and then, once it feels she is once more ready, like on that sunny day in June all those years ago, it reintroduces this vessel we know as Charlotte back into this reality, this world, this life. As such, it appears, for the most part, that while she may not be totally invincible or capable of auto-resurrection on a god-like level, Charlotte has no real reason to fear death. If she dies, she can be almost certain that she will be back to cause more trouble in no time. But resurrection does not come without a cost and this is a fact Charlotte has become increasingly aware of the more she has gone and come back, gone and come back. . .
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"There's never enough...to fill the hole up again." To make a long story short, Stephen King's Pet Sematary revolves around the resurrection of dead things ( animals and people ) and how sometimes, dead is better, because nothing that comes back to life ever comes back exactly the way it was before. There will always be something missing, something wrong. Charlotte's resurrection, at the hands of Khaos, is not an exception to this idea. Each time Charlotte dies and comes back, she may seem mostly intact and to be picking up exactly where she left off, but she is not, in fact, the same. With each "respawn," the vessel will be adjusted and changed based on what the Void deems necessary, but mostly (!) the process of reassembly itself means that there will "never be enough" to make Charlotte exactly as she was again.
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Just as a "wound never [seems] to fill in completely" despite being considered healed and healthy once more, the resurrected vessel will, by nature of chaos and decay, contain less and this is the cost of resurrection. For better or worse, there remains a heavy consequence for dying and so, as comical as it sounds, Charlotte has learned to take dying more seriously. With each resurrection, there runs the risk of her losing memories and perhaps some of her humanity, but most assuredly, she loses more of what makes her her... More specifically, with each resurrection, Charlotte grows colder, steadier in a way, and while she may seem more or less the same on the outside ( as Khaos wants to maintain her likeness and essence ), by and by, if you look closely, you won't find the same spark in her eyes that she has now to set her apart from the cold abyss of the primordial entity that resides inside her. Like a wound, Charlotte never heals completely. There is never enough to fill the vessel again. But if there is not enough of her to come back after death, then what must fill the vessel upon its return is obvious: absence. Absence is the cost of resurrection.
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brionysea · 6 months
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this man is pissing me off
#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#first it was with his annoying ass thoughts about the superiority of the capital and the dehumanisation of the districts#but now he's having like. NORMAL thoughts. that would be EXPECTED when living in a dystopia#he's seen two classmates die and realised it could've been him and that sejanus saying the capitol not protecting its citizens had merit#and he started acting like a decent human being about lucy gray's situation#forgetting about his own bullshit in the face of her suffering because it's clear that hers is more immediately concerning#the parallels between katniss and coryo drive me INSANE#they've both impoverished young adults who've been in survival mode trying to keep their families from starving to death#forced to actually acknowledge the real world and decide on their own sense of morality#with good influences trying to push them towards the right side#eg. katniss having gale and peeta's voices in her head when she makes a stand for rue#but i KNOW snow doesn't listen to lucy gray and sejanus#i KNOW he doesn't#i've seen the ending! so the possibility of him getting over himself and becoming better is pissing me off because i know he doesn't!!!!#it would be so much easier if he was pure evil. it would be so much less infuriating and so much less horrifying but he's not#he had the potential for goodness and instead he murdered countless people#including thousands of children and any political opponents who got in his way#AND ALSO LUCY GRAY AND SEJANUS#(lucy gray's fate is a mystery but he still chose to kill her and that at least changed HIM)#i hate this. these books are so good i HATE IT#but also some of these lines are so ironic#his tendency towards obsession is likely to kill him one day if he doesn't learn to outsmart it#almost like an obsession with the mockingjay#and calling dr. gaul crazy for her extreme measures to ensure he doesn't lie to her#when he ends up doing the exact same thing to katniss#maybe minus the overt show of violence but like. he doesn't have to. he's in her house threatening her loved ones#it's so fascinating#i want to eat it#but i won't cause i haven't finished reading yet
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gh-0-stcup · 5 months
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My thing is that I just do not trust a single person who was involved in the show. It just seems like a lot of PR to fix their image and foster sympathy/goodwill/interest.
#i haven't seen compelling evidence that anybody actually tried to fight for canon (and reciprocated) destiel#just admissions that they played into the subtext#(which we already knew - that's why spn's been considered a prime example of queerbaiting since like 2011)#and non-committal statements about the pairing being compelling#edlund seemed to specifically say he wasn't censored/forced to rework due to the gay#yeah misha said the cw's homophobic and suggested the network was the barrier#but at least half of what comes out of misha's mouth is bullshit#like he also said they tried to pay him to stay bisexual#and as a result there's now a bunch of support being tossed out to the writers and some fans are talking about them like they're heroes#who valliantly fought against a homophobic network and were totally going to make dean and cas a couple#but were foiled by said network which is why the show ended with the gays being buried yet again#you see in the secret unreleased version...#and if we just let jensen make another season he won't let us down because of xyz vague statements#nevermind that he made a new show where cas was also never mentioned - cw censorship#nevermind the straightwashed version of soldier boy he's playing - that's kripke's fault#nevermind the statements he's made in the past about destiel and dean's sexuality - he's changed his mind#you can tell because he's said it's okay for fans to have their own interpretations about the series#idk maybe i'm too cynical and i'm being unfair#there's just too much vagueness from pretty much everybody for me to put faith in their intentions#especially if they are seriously considering attempting to revive the series - this sort of thing is great for drumming up interest#the writers being censored by homophobic execs is a familiar narrative ofc - but i don't see anything solid to suggest this is what happened#and it's not like there weren't queer relationships on tv when spn was airing - the show ended in 2020#it isn't even like there weren't queer relationships shown on the cw during spn's run - there were more than a few#i just have so many questions#spn#destiel
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mostlyinconvenient · 7 months
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I've thought way too much about what idw sonic would be like chronologically ten years later, and I fully believe that as the Restoration with Jewel and the new Diamond Cutters becomes more comfortable, both Amy and Sonic probably wouldn't stick around. Like, I think both of them have had to deal with a lot of responsibility (especially Amy), and as they become less needed they'll both want to travel and find more adventures.
It makes sense to me because they feel both developed and restless. Like, they've already grown immensely within their roles to the point where it's more restricting to be a main character at the center of it all than it is to explore the world outside of the main story.
They've grown as their own people and alongside each other, and I just think of all the original people they're the most likely to stick together and want the same things: freedom and adventure.
not necessarily as a romantic couple. I personally really identify with Sonic's aromantic vibe, especially with how he seems fine with close friendly gestures but not romantic ones. Relatable as hell.
(Also, related note: sonic already raised a kid so I think any orphans they meet will probably end up with the Restoration, where they can try to find family and build more of a stable life.)
This also means characters who have yet to have focus in main roles get a center stage. There's a sadness to it as well, with characters like Knuckles and Shadow never really changing positively past where they are. The fact that they're surrounded by people changing and doing what they want would only increase this melancholy. It's like going to a school reunion, and seeing how many people have changed and how many are exactly the same.
Idk. Maybe it's the fact I'm in my own transitional stage right now, but I just have a lot of thoughts about the dynamics of change and how time molds people.
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nosferatufaggot · 7 months
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I got season one on DVD. Haven't watched yet. Not to be the G3 hater people don't like, cuz truly I'm not, BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I watched the live action movie when it first came out. I frankly really didn't like it other than Frankie. I love the original and didn't like all the changes and I still don't like the changes. So, I was already upset once the movie was over. Then the new show had it's premiere. Frankie wasn't voiced by the actor who played Frankie (and I was under the impression that this would be in the same universe as the movie so I was upset) AND THEN Toralei was posh british. That truly was the tipping point for me.
I really want to give this a fair shot because I know I would 100% love it if not for my already huge love of G1. I'm gonna watch this a few times. I know my first time watching this I'll just be a hater going "BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO!" even though my mind and myself understand that this is different from G1. My heart will feel the betrayal and I'm just gonna have to get used to it. I so badly want to like this and I know I will once I jump over that hurdle. I've already seen a few episodes I like aswell.
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stressedmonster101 · 7 months
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thinking about tiktok trends. thinking about poetry.
you see a "maybe in another universe" video.
you recognize this trend.
you know it'll end with a black screen.
you see it's only two slides.
you know what the other slide is.
you stare at the first slide.
you already know it's you.
you don't have to scroll.
you know it won't change anything.
you scroll. it's you.
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firstroseofspring · 7 days
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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!
#diary#miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands#john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened#in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head#on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now#and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the#person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems#serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will#take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and#you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg#not literally of course here but also literally. lol#but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands#who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes#i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so#sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)
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izzy-b-hands · 10 months
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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pardonmydelays · 11 months
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IN THE HEIGHTS countdown: 10 DAYS!
song for today:
ABUELA: remember the story of your name... it was engraved on a passing ship on the day your family came your father said: “usnavi that's what we'll name the baby.” USNAVI: it really said “u.s. navy” but hey... i worked with what they gave me okay...
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ame-to-ame · 3 months
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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