#things will not just dry on their own and everything will mold if you aren’t careful

[foldingfittedsheets]

There’s nothing I can say to out of town guests to make them understand. You cannot shut the washer once it’s task is done. You cannot leave the bathroom door shut. You cannot leave a damp towel on the ground.

The mold is coming. The mildew creeps ever closer. You cannot defeat it but you must take all the steps you can to fight it lest it overtake your dwelling.

[trulyumai]

Oh, Mr mosses (Series!) V

Synopsis: You were fine with the job, the steps were easy enough but the secret  of the D.D.D was getting harder and harder to contain. Each night a new entity would enter the building, each with its own horrific look and intentions. Just as you debate on leaving, a new resident has entered the premises; Francis Mosses who is absolutely entranced by your being. Now, his Mimic has taken a liking to you too.

Will you be as smitten of them as they are of you? Only time will tell.

Author Note: Hello everyone, a bit longer of a chapter but thats okay! After Thursday I will be final free! Which means I'll have more time for writing and answering requests, thank you for your patience! <3

Warnings: Blood, Obsessive/Possessive behavior, Stalking, Talk about Death, Mutilation.

Also available on AO3!

Taglist: @tfamidoingwithmylife @mariaflor873 @fandomfeind @greycloudsy @skully-skeleton-bone0106 @im-here-for-the-fun-of-it @the-tiger-lover78 @itoshilvr @wilddreamer98 (Let me know if you want to be added!)

God, even the way she laid there, limp against the office wall was everything to him. 

Biting down on 28 only crunches and squelches echoed through the room, the said man laid in pieces by his feet. 

He casually sat there in her squeaky chair, munching on a limb like it was normal; an everyday hobby. 

Humming a familiar tune he threw the rest of the arm past him, somewhere towards the cabinets, he had to guess. 

With his feet on the desk he sighed. 

Soon the D.D.D would learn of his presence, his safety would be at risk and his little toy would be in even more danger than she already was. 

Maybe he would take her, hide her away to be his little wife. That is what they’re called, aren’t they?

First things first; he had to dispose of the replica. 

Clicking his teeth he scratched his nails on the wood beside him. 

That fucking fool. A useless mirror image he copied. 

He had to learn everything about the man before taking his face; starting with his job, his hobbies, his routes, down to the fucking shampoo he preferred. Until it got to his favorite area, the most recent addition in his life; the pretty receptionist. 

He knew it would be so easy to manipulate the woman. Her mind was so weak compared to him, with just a tad bit of bending (Mentally and a bit physically), he molded her perfectly for him. 

Enough to not only get access to the building, but to her as well. 

She groaned as she laid there, she must be having a nightmare. He hoped it involved him, with some image of the mimic biting chunks out or flesh, kissing them as he went on.  Holding back a grin he decided to move her, before someone else were to poke their nose in the already bloodied business of theirs. He pulled her up until she reached his chest and eyed the old corroded clipboard by the door. 

Going down the list of names he got to her; room 24 Level 2.

Stepping through the red he rubbed his feet on 28’s corpse, letting the leftover blood dry on his once white, button up. We wouldn’t want a little trail now would we? 

Clicking the green button he passed 28 once more, whistling lowly as the elevator pushed its doors open with a groan. 

Stepping in his clawed finger pressed the second button on the wall, watched as the doors came together with a satisfying thunk. 

Belly satiated and full, he looked down at the woman in his arms, her head was lolled to the side, leaning firmly on his chest. Grinning wide he bent towards her, pressing a sloppy, bloody kiss to her forehead, cheek and nose. 

The box dinged once again, the doors slid open loudly to indicate their arrival to her floor. 

Walking through the corridor, he read the numbers idly 

10, 12, 14, 

A turn left 

16, 18, 20- 

A creek escaped, some neighbor had opened their door, just up ahead.

It was that rich suited prick. 

“Ah! Francis, lovely to- is that the receptionist?” His grin was hesitant, eying the girl with bloody marks on her face. 

He could kill him now, but it would be more of a mess to deal with, he doubted he could hide another body from the D.D.D.

Mustering up a smile, his sharp teeth gritted together.

“She’s ah, not feeling well,” attempting to move past the pompous man and walk towards her door just steps away, the man stopped them once more and put a hand out for extra measure. 

Growling he slowly turned, met the eyes of the man once more. 

“Do we have a problem,” he gritted, claws digging into the poor girl below him. 

“Well- ah, tell her to visit me when she feels up to it,” 

He put his hand back at his side, rubbing his fingers idly. 

“I have a job opportunity for her, you see!” 

Not bothering to waste anymore time, he pressed on to her room. Ignoring the suited man's stares as he clicked her key into place, shoving them both inside before slamming the door. 

“Fucking prick.” He muttered. 

But now he was all alone, could touch and prod at the girl with no interruptions. 

Looking around he noticed the apartment was tidy; everything had a place, plants sat by the darkened windowsill and beside them, a full bookcase was laid about. Her kitchen was spotless, only a few decorative items littered the counters while the sink was, of course, empty. 

Holding her up with one hand he scratched at his gums, pieces of bone were starting to prod against his teeth, becoming more annoying than painful. 

Looking for her bedroom he propped open a door with his shoulder, and with a thump, dumped her unceremoniously on the mattress. 

It was then, he realized. 

“Oh fuck.” 

Bolting angrily back towards the door, the hallway and elevator as fast as he could, he bit down on his annoyingly human cheek; hard. 

He left the elevator unlocked. 

Any other mimic could come through freely and he really couldn’t have that. 

Another competition for his food? Yeah no, fuck that. He hated how territorial his kind was, made everything a pain in the ass to retrieve and made survival even more strenuous. 

It’s why he found himself here; In this little rundown apartment, with surprisingly good security. 

Being denied and caught over and over made everything so much more satisfying, because he knew that if he waited- stuck around for the right moment, he’d get in. 

Watched plenty of his kind die too, before deciding to take a shape of his own, and finally, making his way to the pretty and gullible receptionist. 

Mashing the first floor button he clawed at his face, light red marks dented down with each press of his fingers. 

Ironically enough, he’s the one that has to distinguish between what’s real and fake now.

Waiting for the elevator he growled.

“What a pain in the ass.” 

——

The milkman was tired. Getting in, absolutely no one was there to check his ID, and he wondered if the receptionist was okay (Yet again). It seemed that lately, that’s all he could think about. Her health, the way she smiled, her pretty hands.

 Not once had she missed any of her shifts, and although he had only been there for a short time, he would always hear from the neighbors how dutiful she was. 

Come sickness, fatigue, anything, she would be there. 

Walking past the office, his fingers shook cautiously by his sides. 

Enough was enough, he would talk to her, he couldn’t avoid her forever and his little, “crush,” wasn’t going away anytime soon. 

So with a long intake of air. He pressed her floor number. 

It was now or never. 

The doors closed, and the travel up began. 

Floor1

Ding!

Floor 2

Ding!

With his head pointed downwards he heard the doors sliding open before walking forward, passing a quick figure to his left. Not bothering to greet them he kept his head down.

The anxiety was getting to him and wait- he didn’t even know what room she was in! 

Head up, he turned back toward the figure that passed him. 

They obviously resided on this floor, maybe he could attempt to ask them about her room without completely looking like a creep. 

But what he saw he just couldn’t explain- rationally describe. 

His face stared back at him, it was set in a scowl while he noticed vast amounts of blood adorned his usually crisp white shirt. The doors were on their way to closing, and this version of him reached out to stop it.

He was too late, the metal doors crashed together and Francis could feel his heart jumping out of his chest. 

What the actual fuck was going on.

Was he that tired? 

Grabbing his face he turned back, mumbling incessant comforts to stop the beats of his heart from getting any faster. 

He needed to find her room, and fast.

-

The first thing she noticed was her head. It boomed with an unfathomable amount of pressure, and she was hesitant to open her eyes. 

She felt around, immediately recognizing the comfort of her own duvet, the silkiness of her pillows,  the faint wafts of the candle she lit the night prior. It calmed the tenseness found between her shoulders, instantly relaxing against the cushioned material. 

With a muffled groan she allowed her eyelids to slink up, her messy room greeted her vision. 

Not remembering the trip up, she laid there, stretched out and confused. 

Craning her head just off the side of the bed, the receptionist glanced towards the hallway; to her front door that was wide open. 

Jerking up, her feet collided with one another, and looking more like a newborn calf than human she attempted her way to the front of the room. 

Never before had a fatigue caused this much confusion; chaos to her mind. 

Something had to be wrong. 

She remembered clocking in, idly sitting by as the clock ticked and ticked. After that it was all blank- it startled her to no end. 

With a hand on the door frame her figure leaned on the wall, just outside her abode. 

Biting her lip she held back a whimper, the bright lights of the hall burned her eyes, she tried to go off of memory, closing her eyes as she felt for every familiar bump and groove of the space.

Turning to where she remembered the elevator was, someone bumped into her- hard. 

“My goodness!” That voice… could it really be? 

“Francis?” Squinting her eyes she blinked repeatedly, trying to get the figure to focus in her vision. 

“H-Hey,” the deep voice answered back, smiling, as she knew it was the tired mailman. Only he could have such a serious yet flustered sounding voice.  

“I've been looking for you,”

The man gripped the girl's shoulders, light yet firm and bent down just to meet her gaze.

“Some… things have been happening, I wanted to see if you were okay.” Flustered, the girl forced out a laugh, taking a hand off her shoulder she gripped it softly. 

“I'm okay, you look more disheveled than me, big guy, what's up?” Kneading the flesh around his knuckles the man couldn't help but relax. 

She smelled so good- of lilac and vanilla, it invaded his senses and corrupted his mind. He couldn't even remember the duplicate until it was shoved back by his consciousness. 

Letting out a low moan he shook his head. ‘Focus Francis, god-’ 

“I have to talk to you,” he blurted out, face getting warmer as she paused her movement, and looked right at him. 

Letting out a giggle she rested her arm, just so it leaned comfortably in the crook of his elbow. 

“Okay? My rooms around the corner, if you wanna talk there?”

Not relying on his words he nodded his head, letting the girl lightly pull his arm to her apartment. 

Now, he just had to figure out how to explain his bloody twin. 

Should be easy!

And if she calls him crazy, and ultimately pushes him out of the apartment- possibly building, at least he got to get this close to her. 

Smelling her, touching her, it was better than living alone with his thoughts- tormenting him every hour of the week that he lazily spent thinking about her anyway.

Inhaling her flowery scent once more he shuddered, he hoped the pretty girl would believe him, so he could once more bask in her presence and ignore every little thing around.

[dial4cleanhome2]

Here’s everything you should know about cleaning your Sofa and Mattress

We wake up to our mattresses and sleep by them. From coming back home after tedious office hours to partying with your friends and chit-chatting with your family, your sofas have been through thick and thin. Tell us, don’t you too love the coziness that your sofas and mattresses offer? Then you should also be considerate about its cleaning, aren’t you? Well, if not then you should be! This blog will underline everything that you need to know about sofa and mattress cleaning.

Why is cleaning the sofa and mattress shampooing necessary?

We spend most of our time on these two spots of our house, yet we are very less bothered about its cleaning. Dusting and washing its cover is the bare minimum we do! However, that’s not enough. Fleas, mold, mildew, and microorganisms are apt at finding a place in every corner and surface. They can grow even on your sofa and mattresses and hamper your physical health. Besides that, a beautiful sofa is the attraction of every home that awaits your presence after a hectic day. You don’t want to come home to an unpleasant sitting, thus getting your sofa and mattress shampooed is colossally essential. Moreover, cleaning these things regularly will help you keep them in great condition while also improving the quality of your indoor air and preventing wellness issues. But cleaning sofa and mattress shampooing is no piece of cake. So how do you do it?

How do you clean your sofa and mattress?

You may wash the covers or dust them, but deep cleaning requires proper process and tools. And this is where an expert sofa cleaning service proves to be useful. An online search for an expert sofa shampooing service in Mumbai is doing a more brilliant job! It is an easier option than spending quality hours on a do-it-yourself. The professionals have proper tools and techniques for cleaning.

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Sofa Cleaning and Mattress Shampooing Services include recruiting experts to clean the respective home item with texture shampoos and sanitizers to make them look and feel better as new. Dial4cleanhome.com is one of the most trusted and prominent cleaning companies in Thane and around Mumbai & Navi Mumbai. We clean your sofas according to your fabrics and Leather.

SOFA CLEANING FOR FABRICS:

To remove the stringent dust, we do dry vacuuming of the front and back sides of the upholstery using a vacuum cleaner. But it just removes dust on the upper surface of the sofa, inside dust remains as it is. Oftentimes we spill tea, coffee, or any other drink on the sofa or mattress, and to remove this dirty liquid from inside, the process of wet vacuuming – removing shampooing of upholstery is done using professional-grade solutions.

SOFA CLEANING FOR LEATHER

Leather requires special attention. Therefore, dry vacuuming and manual wiping of the front and back sides of the leather upholstery are done using a microfiber cloth. Moreover, a special chemical is used to sanitize and clean the leather upholstery with a microfiber cloth. To increase the life of leather, special leather polish is also done.

Reasons to Hire Professional Sofa and Mattress Shampooing Services

While you can choose to clean the sofa and mattress on your own, here are some solid reasons why you should hire a professional:-

Sofa cleaning organizations utilize the right synthetics, gear and well-being principles to add more years to the existence of your sofa. Dial4cleanhome.com trained team will get your sofa cleaned without you having to worry a bit about the process.

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Many times, we drench our sofa or mattress in liquids that later on give a foul smell. Getting rid of this terrible smell is tough and only professional cleaners can help you with its shampooing.

This cleaning removes the stain and little particles and softens the seating space with its fabric-relevant chemicals. 

Dial4cleanhome.com : Your best partner for sofa cleaning and mattress shampooing

To save your sofa for your relaxation, different sofa shampooing services are available in Mumbai, but Dial4cleanhome.com is worth its salt. We understand that various kinds of sofas require particular techniques for cleaning and thus our professionals take steps accordingly. We have a team of trained and experienced mavens who won’t disappoint you.  In view of the material and finish of the sofa, the products, and techniques, differ to moderate the first structure and appeal. Dial4cleanhome.com offers multiple sofa cleaning services to protect your furnishings. While you may think that this process might cost you an arm and a leg, well no! We offer the best at a reasonable price. So, what are you waiting for? Reach out to us now!

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[rebrandedbard]

Good morning, I had an idea and I wanted to share (could be a prompt if you want): So, Jaskier definitely, absolutely wants to learn Geralts potions and which to give when. But they aren't labelled at all and you've got to discern by shapes and colours. I firmly believe Jaskier writes a little ditty for that and maybe it spreads or maybe Geralt wakes up after a hunt with vague memories of that song after Jaskier saved him...

Jessi you know exactly what to say to get a fic out of me. Invoke my musicality! Just for you, not one, but two songs Jaskier uses for Geralt's potions!

-

Witcher's Brew

wc - 2476

Geralt wakes up after a hunt gone wrong and finds himself patched up in bed. He waits for Jaskier to arrive and overhears him singing a strange song to himself as he fusses with Geralt's potion supplies.

-

Rabbit stew, warm and fresh from the pot. It was the first thing Geralt could remember upon waking. They’d had rabbit stew at midday, just before the hunt. He almost imagined he could taste it on his dry, cut lip, but the lingering bitter taste of White Raffard’s Decoction chased the last of the memory away. He could not recall taking any potions. In fact, he had trouble remembering what it was he’d been fighting. His head was vague, all the details swirling at the edges in a haze. Someone had been speaking to him, he thought. Was it the chanting of a kitchen maid, timing her baking with a prayer? Or was it a song?

A song.

Geralt sat up with a grunt. “Jaskier,” he called, voice rough and catching in his throat. He looked around the darkness of the room, but he was alone. He scented the air. Jaskier had been near in the last hour or so, his smell not yet faded. It tasted bitter on his tongue, like the decoction: bitter like the musk of fear. The tang of salt hung in the air as well. Tears. But there was more. From the table at his side came an earthy scent and he discovered a bowl of mushrooms upon it. Sewant mushrooms.

That’s right. They’d been in the caves. The vision of the beast rose to the forefront of his mind and he remembered that they’d been fighting not a wyvern as hired, but a slyzard. It had been a deadly miscalculation, for the beast could breathe fire over a great distance. Geralt felt the fresh burns on the back of his neck, smelled the poultice pasted there. He remembered pulling Jaskier behind cover. He’d not had the chance to see whether he’d been burned as well. There had been too much to distract him; he did not even know if he’d slain the beast.

There had been mushrooms in the cave. Someone had to have brought them. Jaskier would be foolish enough to return to the caves, even if the beast still lived. But for mushrooms? Geralt could not imagine why.

“Sewant from the sewer caves, crows’ eyes, fang of beasts; blood from all the nasty things, and myrtle pure as priests.”

Geralt turned to the sound of Jaskier’s singing beyond the door. It cracked open and there the bard stood, arms hidden beneath a mass of white flowers. He had, too, a leather pouch dangling from around his wrist. Unloading his burden upon the table, he flipped through the open bestiary, still singing under his breath. It was not his usual kind of song; it was lifeless, simple rhyme and meter without passion. He did not even glance Geralt’s way as he set to work, grinding ingredients together in a mortar.

“Mistletoe and mutagen, aloe leaf of wolf; green mold, han, and celandine, then in the flame engulf.”

Jaskier poured the concoction into a potion bottle and hurried to the fire. He bent to light it, cursing as the matches failed beneath his shaking hand. He cursed louder, his hand slipping again. His voice began to shake as he continued his chant.

“Remember Raffard’s recipe and count it by this rhyme; be ye neither quick nor slow to measure out the time. Once the brew has bubbled and its color turns to red, let cool and cork then brew again to raise him from—”

Jaskier’s voice caught in his throat as he failed to light the match once more. He gripped the potion bottle in his hand and wiped at his eyes, unable to finish the line. “To raise him—”

“From the dead,” Geralt concluded.

Jaskier whirled around, dropping the bottle upon the floor. It shattered, spilling its contents into the hearth and over his boots. But he didn’t pay it any mind. He ran to Geralt’s side and knelt before the bed. His hands were everywhere at once, prodding gently, examining him.

“Geralt,” he breathed. Then everything came out in one great rush, each new thought interrupting the last. “Oh fuck, I was—! You weren’t moving. You just dropped to the ground the minute your sword—! I had to carry you back, and you only had one vial left. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to make more before …”

“One vial is enough,” Geralt said. He nodded toward the supplies on the table. “Is that White Raffard’s?” he asked, knowing it could be nothing else.

Jaskier nodded, silent.

“What was that song just now?”

Jaskier bit his lip, looking guilty. “I … didn’t meant to pry,” he murmured. “I promise never to share trade secrets but … I had to know how it was made. It’s one of your most important potions. If you couldn’t make one, and if we were ever in a situation where we couldn’t find a healer, I needed to know that I could save you. So I watched, and I wrote it to remember.”

“You wrote a song to remember how to brew a potion?” Geralt asked. He looked at the ingredients. They were all correct, and well-measured from the look of it. Jaskier had prepared three bottles, two still sat empty on the table. Before them, their ingredients lay in even piles, waiting to be ground in the mortar.

Jaskier took Geralt’s hand in his, pressing his forehead to it. “I can brew Raffard’s, White Honey, and Swallow. I know you need Swallow with Raffard’s, for the toxicity. And … if I ever brewed a faulty potion, I would have the Honey.”

“You know what potions to take,” Geralt said. It was less of a question, more an expression of awe. He’d never taught Jaskier about the potions, merely asking for them as needed if Jaskier were in reach to fetch them. And from that, Jaskier had learned what was needed when.

“I wrote a song for that, too. All of them: what they’re for, the ones to take before a battle, and the ones to take after.”

Geralt blinked.

“All of them?” he asked.

Jaskier looked up. He once more turned his head away in shame. Witchers’ potions were not for men to know, let alone theirs to brew. But he nodded. There was no denying it now.

“Sing it to me.”

The look on Jaskier’s face was nothing short of complete and total astonishment. Geralt never requested songs. “You … right now? You want me to sing the song?” Jaskier faltered.

When Geralt gestured toward the lute, Jaskier smiled.

“It hasn’t got music,” Jaskier said. “It isn’t meant to be sung, really. Not in that way at least.”

“But you could put it to music, I bet.”

Jaskier flushed. There was a bit of praise in there somewhere—an admission of skill. At Geralt’s request, he stood and fetched the lute. “You seem to be doing much better,” he said, sitting at his side on the bed.

“Raffard,” Geralt replied. “Are you in tune?”

Jaskier strummed the lute slowly, emphasizing each open note with pride. “Always am.”

“Sing, then.”

It only took a minute of experimental plucking before Jaskier had a set of chords prepared. He strummed them twice in succession, then began his song:

Before one fights vampiric beasts

Drink Black Blood down to spoil their feasts

And if there’s acid on the rise

First taking Bindweed would be wise

When fighting something swift and cruel

Down Blizzard quick before the duel

And if the brawl takes place at night

Take Cat to see in dimmest light

Geralt watched with open admiration as he listened. Jaskier had learned it all on his own. He’d made a careful study of the potions without any help, and what Geralt heard was thus far correct. There were trainees who’d not kept such simple things in order, even with proper instruction.

When fighting wraiths one cannot spy

De Vries’ Extract evolves the eye

And wolves will howl in perfect tune

When given life by the Full Moon

At the play on wolves, Geralt rolled his eyes. Even so, he was impressed. He’d only encountered two wraiths with Jaskier at his side. He would’ve had to pay very close attention to remember De Vries’ Extract’s purpose.

The bit about the wolves did not escape his notice either. There was a little crook in the corner of Jaskier’s mouth as he sang the words. Of course the potion made for jokes among the witchers of the school of the wolf, but they weren’t the only ones who used them.

But if one’s poisoned first, let’s say

Oriole takes the sting away

And when one bleeds, to stop the aches

A simple Kiss is all it takes

If long the task you must endure

Then take a dose of Maribor

And if one’s signs aren’t up to snuff

Then Petri’s Philter is the stuff

If one cannot avoid a hit

The vengeful Shrike takes care of it

And if you’ve time while under cover

Swallow aids a slow recover

If the battle leaves you tired

Tawny Owl may be required

And while weak one cannot parry

Thunderbolt will make foes wary

When hope is lost and at its end

White Raffard’s revives your friend

And if while brawling stunned you be

Then Willow is the remedy

For power in your every blow

Take Wolf to strike against your foe

And though it makes one wobble blind

With Wolverine their fate is signed

Remember this what else you do

White Gull is base for every brew

And when the potions start to strain

White Honey lets you start again

“You ended with White Honey,” Geralt remarked.

Jaskier lay a hand over the strings of his lute, quieting them. “It lets you start again, does it not? Once you swallow a dose of White Honey, it nullifies the effects of all potions,” he said in his most academic voice. “I thought it would be fitting to end the song there; it certainly helps to remember the purpose.”

“And you know how to brew it.”

“I find it ironic that there’s not a trace of honey in it whatsoever. In fact, far too many of your potions involve the use of vinegar, the very opposite of honey. Would it ruin the potions beyond use if I were to add a bit? A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, they say.”

Geralt smiled. He waved his hand, gesturing for Jaskier to come closer. He put a hand on his shoulder, whispering in his ear. “I think whatever potions you brew for me in the future will be made sweet enough by that sentiment,” he said. “So don’t fuck up my recipes, bard.”

Jaskier stammered, then laughed and batted Geralt’s face. “You cheeky thing! For a moment, I thought you actually intended to compliment me.”

“Didn’t you hear me the first time?” Geralt asked. “I did.”

“Not a compliment if you insult my cooking right after. Or—well, eh—brewing, as it were.”

“Alchemy.”

“Oh, yes, that’s much more flattering. Assistant Alchemist! I do like the sound of it.”

Geralt chuckled. “You’re my assistant now, are you?”

“But of course,” Jaskier replied, waving a dramatic arm in the air. “Always have been. I only needed a proper title.

“Then tell me, assistant: what became of the slyzard?”

Jaskier grinned and leaned over to grab the leather pouch from the table. He tossed it for show and caught it with one hand before emptying its contents. A collection of sharp, bloody teeth fell onto the sheets, some with bits of pink gum still attached to the yellow base.

“I believe Raffard’s called for fang of beasts in the list of ingredients,” he said. “And there was no other beast nearby to take from. Your sword was still lodged in its back; all I had to do was give it one last thrust through the heart.”

Jaskier winked and produced another bag from his doublet, heavy with coin. “Needed proof anyway,” he said, setting it alongside the teeth. “I needed some distraction while you were out, so I checked off the list: put you on the mend, finish the hunt, get the pay, replenish supplies.”

For a moment, his cocky expression faltered. “I was just finishing up when I got a little …” he trailed, bundling up the teeth once more. “Well, it’s easier to get lost in worrisome thoughts when doing quiet tasks like foraging. But you woke up, and now there’s nothing left to fear. I’ll have a new set of potions ready for you by the time you’re well enough to get out of bed.”

“… You … killed the slyzard?” Geralt said.

“You did most of it. I just gave it the last push. It barely twitched. Honestly, its innards made more of a fuss when I went to bottle them. I think you’ll be well stocked for some time.”

Jaskier killed the slyzard. He stooped to rummaging in its bleeding corpse for the most vile and disgusting of ingredients. For his potions. Which Jaskier brewed. Which he knew how to brew by merely observing, putting it all together in simple songs to remember. And still he’d found time to collect his pay.

“Fuck me,” Geralt said in wonder.

“Maybe once you’re healed,” Jaskier laughed, ears a touch pink.

“Then kiss me,” Geralt amended. He lay his hand over Jaskier’s arm, leaning forward, enraptured. It was a simple revelation and he wondered just how long the idea had been bubbling in the back of his brain. “Kiss me,” he said. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Jaskier blinked twice, his cheeks flushing as he took in the seriousness of Geralt’s tone. “Did … you put too much White Gull in that last batch of Raffard’s?”

Geralt shook his head, his eyes never leaving Jaskier’s. “Will you kiss me?” he asked again.

“I …”

“You killed a slyzard for me.”

“Yes.”

“And you memorized my potions. In case I needed them.”

Jaskier nodded.

“You love me,” Geralt concluded. His heart gave a leap at the notion. Yes. Yes, this was something he never knew he wanted. No, not wanted—this was something he needed. If all that didn’t add up to love, he didn’t know what would. It was such a simple thing, and he was a very simple man in every meaning of the word.

“Love me, Jaskier,” he said. “Love me and kiss me, please.”

But Jaskier already did. And before the final plea could escape Geralt’s lips, Jaskier did.

I’m going to take care of you, Geralt thought. He would take care of Jaskier just as Jaskier had always taken care of him. Good care.

“I do love you,” Geralt corrected.

Jaskier chuckled. “Don’t need to think about it?”

“I don’t think I ever really did.”

[manias-wordcount]

So Weak, So Perfect (Eula x Male! Reader)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁 !!!!!!!

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚: 𝗳𝗲𝗺𝗱𝗼𝗺, 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗷𝗼𝗯, 𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗹,  𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝘅 (𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴)

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

You’re teetering off an edge. 

Standing with your back against the wall, there’s nowhere for you to go. Nowhere for you to hide. Nowhere for you to run. You can’t run. You don’t want to run. So you try to stand firm. That’s all you want to do. Stand firm. Don’t let your knees buckle, don’t let anything get you. Just bite your lip and take it. Breath in, breath out. Take all of it. 

 The edge is nothing if you’ve been trained to stand against it. Alongside it. Next it. It’s nothing. Nothing. It won’t take you. You know it won’t You’re stronger than it. Stronger than anyone you know, it won’t take you. So you’ll grit your teeth, and you’ll bear it. You’ll balance on one foot if you have to. You’ll balance on two toes if you have to. All to stand on the cliff. All to best the cliff if it tries to best you. If it tries to break you. But it won’t. It never has. It never will. Because you’re strong. You’re stronger than it. Stronger than the very thing that will try to break you again and again. But you’ll hold out. You always do. You always will. Because you’re strong. Because you’re strong and you’re-

 “Mmm…you’re close aren’t you?”

 A liar. 

 You’re a liar. A liar’s who’s always been weak. A liar who doesn’t even know what strength is. A liar who’s always fallen, time and time again. To one woman.

 And one woman alone. 

 “Archons, yes…” Your voice comes out as a hiss. It’s a tone you know she doesn’t appreciate. A tone you’ll no doubt get a stern talking-to about, but in the end, what more can you do? You’re far too occupied by your eyes are rolling to the back of your head and using everything in you not to collapse right here and right now. You’re so close. Just a few more seconds… “Please, please, please! I’m gonna…I’m gonna…”

 She doesn’t respond further, and for good reason too. Her mouth is already back onto the tip of your cock. Bobbing up and down and up and down, she sucks you off. It’s such, a warm, warm feeling. Her tongue swirls around, flicking against the tip with practiced ease. Her hands go back to pressing her boobs around the rest of your dick. Molding them to all but hug the most sensitive part of your body. It’s soft. So, so soft that you can’t help but let the shivers run up and down your spine as you moan shamelessly.

 She picks up the pace as you throw your head back, wasting no more time. Your hands fall limp to your sides, your hands tightening into fists. You can feel your own nails dig into your skin, creating half-moons into your palm, but suddenly, your mind is lost. A sharp sound rises from your throat while the sucking on your tip becomes more intense than ever. Heat floods your body. Your vision is starting to go out. But it’s not enough. It’s not enough to get you over that edge you so desperately hate with all your heart, soul, body, and-

And then she hums. The quietest of sounds, and yet, it’s the vibration that pushes you over. The vibration of her throat makes you fall. That makes you topple.

 “Fuck…” Your curse is pitiful as you cum in her mouth, though the way she keeps sucking you off through your orgasm keeps you oh-so-weak. You can feel yourself release rope after rope onto her tongue, your sensitivity making everything feel amplified. It’s hard to keep your eyes open, but what you’re able to make out from your rapidly fluttering eyes is the sight of her eagerly draining you dry. Her eyes are half-lidded, watching you seductively, and you are reminded of just how much power she holds over you. “Shit…”

 “Mmm…” The sound of her mouth finally releasing you makes a vulgar pop. She’s made a big show out of swallowing- no, cleaning your cum, no matter how much you weakly whine and whimper at the way she patronizes you. She may be on her knees first, but she’ll always be the one on top of you. Every single time. “I think you’re ready for something else, don’t you think?”

 You find yourself nodding greedily at the implication. If you were any lesser of a man, you’d probably be drooling. But then again, would it be so unexpected in her presence? She’s perfect. In every single way, she’s perfect. An absolutely gorgeous face, framed by beautiful light-blue hair. Soft, luscious curves that you could run your fingers over all day. She’s bare- completely, and utter bare of her clothes just for you. You don’t deserve her. You don’t deserve any of her. 

 But you’re weak.

 You’re weak to greed, and you’re even weaker to lust. You’re weak to her. You’re weak to her and all that she has to offer. But most of all, you’re weak to that edge.

 Because there is no edge. There never was. At least, not physically. No, the edge is your quaint little home in Mondstadt. With its thick walls to keep out the nosy neighbors. With its blinds drawn shut, even though today is bright and sunny and beautiful. With its leather armchair, tucked right in the corner of your living room. With you. And with her. 

 Although the edge has changed recently. In just seconds, things have become different. But not just different. Better. Because it’s no longer in your house with its thick walls and its shut blinds and its armchair where you sit like some sort of phony king with the most beautiful woman sitting between your legs. Everything is still the same. Everything is still perfect except for Eula. Eula and how she’s suddenly on her feet, climbing onto your lap, and lowering herself onto your cock.

 “S-shit!” Your body goes limp in the chair, but it doesn't slow her down. Instead, she just wraps her arms around your shoulders even tighter and slips your cock through her tiny, puckered hole. You weren’t expecting her to move on so quickly. And you weren’t expecting her to move to anal at that. You’re still recovering a little from your previous orgasm. You expected to have a minute more, at least. But now there’s nothing you can do as you feel the head of your cock fill her up with painstaking slowness. “Archons…archons, please!”

Your body feels like it’s on overdrive, and all you can think about is how you’re not over it yet. How you’re not over your high. How you’re not over the warm, wet feeling of her mouth on your dick, treating you oh-so-good.

 You bury your face in her chest, but it does nothing to muffle your moan on dirty, dirty pleasure. It’s so, so soft that you can’t help but press your face between her pillowy breasts and breath in the scent of her. The scent of her and the sex. It clouds your mind. Fogs your head. You could get die in there. You could get lost in there. In fact, a part of you does lose your mind being so close to her as she joins you two together so intimately. And all you can do is just sit there and feel the pit grow in your stomach. You’re twitching inside of her. Throbbing, as you rapidly grow with recovery you didn’t know you had in you. But you suppose it’s only natural. She’s perfect. Absolutely, everything about her is perfect. In every single way. 

 So, of course, she could make you feel perfect.

 “I know, I know.” Her tone sounds dismissive, but even you can hear the strain in her voice as she sinks down halfway. Her fingers are standing to curl against your neck. The feeling of your nails just brushing against your flushed skin makes you feel so alive that you want to sob. Instead, you settle for a choked whimper as she guides herself down, and down, and down, and down, and down and…fuck. Why do you feel so close to cumming? How could she make you feel this close to cumming once again? “Just sit there and take me. Take me.”

 And you do. You do, you do, you do. You take her as she finally makes it down to the hilt of your cock. You do as she squeezes you- unfairly and so cruelly squeezes you as you try to even out your breathing and keep yourself from losing your mind. You do as she starts to bounce. Slowly, at first. Just enough to feel every inch of you inside of every inch of her tight hole. And then faster. Faster becomes less about what you feel and more about just what you’re feeling. Though it���s not like your body can tell the difference. 

 Because soon enough, you’re back on that edge that you love. You’re back on the edge that you hate. Because it gives you everything you could ever want. Because it shows you just how weak you are. Because it gives you your Eula, red painting her pale cheeks as she rides you with a purpose. A purpose to make herself feel good. A purpose that she graciously extends to you. But because it shows you just how easily you crumble. How easily you’re reduced to whimpers and weeps. To moans and groans. To cumming as you cry. 

 Though when you find yourself whining out once more as your vision goes white and your body becomes flooded heat, you can’t help but think to yourself about how it just doesn’t matter. Not when the edge is really just your house. Your house with the thick walls and the blinds drawn and the big armchair. Your house with you in it. Your house with her in it. 

 Your house with her in it, milking you for all you’re worth as you cum inside of her for the umpteenth time. And as you feel your own cum drip out of her tight, tight perfect little hole, you realize that not there’s no point in trying to prove that you’re worth her. Because in the end, you’re weak. You’re the one who came twice. The one who is all but sobbing as in her arms, pulling her body impossibly closer because it’s all you can do. But it doesn’t matter. And not just because you’re weak. It’s because she’s perfect. Completely, utterly, and wholly perfect. 

 Even when she sits on the dick of someone like you.

[darling-i-read-it]

Peace

Karl Heisenberg x reader, Ethan Winters and the other Lords x platonic!reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR RE8!!, insinuations to smut, talks about having children

Author’s Note: this is so wacky and i just now finished it. Its just for fun and an excuse to write domestic resident evil 8 characters. I had a blast doing it. Also it was loosely influenced by @/nerdymixedpan on tiktok who makes this kind of AU stuff! Highly recommend their tiktoks

Summary: An AU where Ethan didn’t kill any of the Lords and was convinced to stay, leave Mia (the crazy chick who tried to kill him and also worked for a sketchy company prior to that) and raise Rose with the Lords and the reader.

Genre: fluff

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

You were walking around Dimitrescu castle, as you often did. You hopped between places when you could. You always went to sleep at the Heisenberg factory but you did get along well with the other Lords and liked to pay them a visit when you could.

It was actually Cassandra who asked for your presence. You had heard of course that the village was being attacked but you didn’t mind too much about that at the moment. Cassandra wanted you over at the castle, to try and talk some sense into Ethan Winters.

You had heard of Ethan at that point, of course. Everyone had. The father of the infamous Rose. But you didn’t think you would get to meet him.

So you came over there and knocked on Alcinas bedroom door. She swung it open, gazing down at you. She was no longer surprised when she came over and usually was quite pleased to have someone to talk to. Rarely did she speak to people outside her daughters and Mother Miranda and she had a responsibility to those people. She didn’t have a responsibility to you.

“What brings you along here? We’re a bit busy. I assume you’ve heard Ethan WInters has escaped Heisenbergs grasp.” You let out a huff of air and nodded.

“Yes, he was not pleased when he came back home. Cassandra called, said I should try and talk to him.”

“Cassandra wants him murdered.”

“Maybe she has some sympathy because of the baby,” you suggested. You gestured to the large castle. “Any idea where I can find him?” She shook her head, exasperated.

“If I had any idea, don’t you think I would have gone to find him already?” You nodded stiffly.

“I will look for him myself then. If you find a short person not in robes, double check to make sure it’s not me before you claw them,” you told her. She gave you a small smirk before you turned around and started back down the stairs.

You had free reign of the castle and had learned its insides and outs at this point. On occasion the girls asked you to stay over and hang out for a little while longer so you had slept there as well.

You started to check a couple of the rooms, walking around haphazardly. It was when you came to a room on the main floor that you found the Duke. He sat there and raised his eyebrows at the sight of you.

“You aren’t Ethan Winters,” he said.

“Ah so you’ve seen him. Care to point me in the right direction?” Duke shrugged a bit.

“He’ll be here eventually if you care to wait.” You let out a sigh. You could go searching but it was a sure bet that he will return to this spot. You pulled up a chair from the table there.

“Alright then. You selling any good food?”

=====

Ethan came running into the room as you were enjoying a nice dish. You stood up quickly, putting your dish down on the table. He had his gun up but dropped it at the sight of you.

“Are you a villager? Do you need help getting out?” he asked, clearly out of breath. You scoffed and shook your head.

“No, no. I’m here to talk to you Ethan.” He was still clearly frazzled. You grabbed your dish and held it up to him. “Care for some food?” you asked, hopefully as a peacemaker. He looked between you and the food and saw that you at least looked human.

He put his gun in his holster and took the food from you.

“Alright. What do you want to talk to me about?” he asked, sitting down at the table. “Who are you anyway?”

“This is Karl Heisenberg's pet,” said the Duke. You scoffed.

“Shush up, you’re not helping.” You sat beside Ethan. “Ethan, I know where Rose is.”

“You know where Rose is?! Where is she?!”

“Shush, let me finish.” You cleared your throat. “This whole thing, all of it, is about Mother Miranda. She took the place of Mia to try and take Rose away. She believes Rose will be a good vessel. Ethan, Lady Dimitrescu, Karl, none of the Lords are your enemy. It’s just Mother Miranda.”

“Well it looks like everyone is trying to kill me.” You shook your head.

“If you helped them kill Mother Miranda, they will let you keep Rose. In fact, I have it on good authority that most of them would love to help take care of her.” Ethan stared at you for a minute and leaned back. He had some food on his chin. You handed him a napkin and he took it gratefully. “And Ethan...Mia told Mother Miranda that you...you’re not exactly human.”

His eyes went wide.

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re mold Ethan.” He was silent for a very long time. Everything raced through his head. Why would he want to stay here? Granted the castle was nice...and these people did know how to save Rose...it would protect him from anything else Chris had planned that he didn’t know about.

And apparently, Mia had been keeping this secret for God knows how long.

It all seemed like too much for him.

“Take a second to take that in. I don’t want to rush you but I have to talk to the daughters about it.”

“You swear they’ll help me with Rose?”

“No one wants her to die, Ethan. We want Mother Miranda gone.” He leaned back in his chair.

“Why should I trust you?”

“I’m human. I’m not mold, I’m not an experiment. Just human. If I could live a happy life here, why can’t you and Rose?”

That made sense. If anything made sense, that did. Ethan took a deep breath.

“Fine. What do you need me to do?”

======

Some Time After The Death of Mother Miranda

“Have you seen Rose? She’s getting bigger everyday.” Karl was speaking when he walked into your room. You were sitting on the bed, flipping through a book. You looked up at him, a teasing smile on your face.

“What, now that you’ve killed Mother Miranda you’ve moved on to caring about the village baby?” you questioned, putting your hand in your palm. He gave you a look but you ignored him.

“You act as though you don’t want a baby every time you see her,” he commented. You scoffed.

“And it always ends up being pretty pleasurable for you doesn’t it?” You grabbed his hand and pushed him down on the bed so that he was sitting on the edge. You wrapped your arms around him from behind.

“You’re damn right.” He brought your hand up to kiss it. “Ethan’s going to Moreaus today, to swim around with Rose. He invited you,” Karl said. You raised an eyebrow.

“Did he invite me or do you want a nice night again?” He kissed your hand again and then kissed your wrist.

“You won’t know until you get there.”

“Fair point my love, fair point.” You kissed his cheek and got up. “I have lunch with Donna but I’ll try and catch up with Ethan afterwards. I may make it, I may not.” You slid off the bed. “Guess you’ll just have to wait to find out.”

He wanted to get up and drag you back but you were already walking out the door.

====

Ethan was by the water, holding Rose in his lap. She was truly getting bigger every day. Moreau was standing beside them, dry now. Ethan’s hair was damp. They must have just gotten done swimming.

“Good of you to join us,” Ethan said as you walked over.

“Salvatore, Ethan…” You leaned over Ethan to look Rose in the eyes. “Little Rosey. How was swimming you guys? Sorry it took so long, I was with Donna and lunch went overtime.” You sat down beside them.

“Rose was perfect,” Moreau said. “She’s a quick learner!” You nodded, looking over at her. You brought your finger up to her and she latched onto it.

“I believe it,” you said. Ethan locked eyes with you.

“I wanted you to come because I heard that Chris was trying to get into the factory.” You raised an eyebrow. You wrapped your arms around your knees and leaned against them.

“He’s still trying to get in here? I thought once Miranda was killed he would leave us alone.” Ethan shook his head.

“Apparently he wants Rose because she’s an asset now,” he muttered but he was looking down at his daughter who was reaching up to his face. He sighed. “She’s getting hungry.”

“You should probably take her back to the castle then.” That was where Ethan usually slept with her. He figured it would be easiest to keep Rose safe with four vampires around at all time that adored her.

“Yes my sister will be wondering where you are,” Moreau said. You nodded in agreement.

“I’ll tell Karl about Chris although I don’t think he’ll get past the Lycans. Then he has to worry about the machines that Karl makes and those are a hassle too. Not the brightest, but a hassle,” you admitted, standing. “I’ll walk you back.” Ethan nodded. You turned to Moreau. “I’ll see you later as well. Try to catch up on the TV show we were watching, I don’t wanna miss anything.”

“I will, of course!” he exclaimed. You smiled and then turned back to walk with Ethan and Rose back up to the Castle. You got into the boat.

“Can you hold her while I steer?” Ethan asked. You nodded and took Rose from him, cradling her in your arms. She was looking around, ever the well behaved child. Ethan started the boat and then you were off.

There was a few minutes of silence as he started to catch his bearings and you played with Rose. You and Ethan had grown close over the weeks he had lived there. He rarely knew peace and didn’t trust it that much but you always assured him that it would be alright.

“I was thinking of maybe starting to rebuild the village,” you said, looking up at him. He raised an eyebrow.

“By yourself?” You scoffed.

“No, obviously not. I’d get the help of everyone. Donna and Angie already wanna pitch in and I figure I could guilt trip Karl into helping, with his whole telepathy thing. I think it could be a fun project. Plus if you accidentally lose a hand you can put it right back on.”

He nudged you, laughing.

“I don’t think it’s a bad plan but who will live there?”

“Us maybe. Separate housing of course but it could be a home away from the Lords. And any villagers left stragglers around.”

“I don’t think there are any left,” he told you.

“Well have you checked?” He was silent. “Exactly. Rose may want a place for herself one day, who knows.” You looked back down at her. She was reaching up to play with your ear.

“She’ll need friends her own age one day,” he said, solemnly.

“We’ll see to that when it comes.” He looked back at you.

“Have you and Heisenberg ever talked about kids?” he teased. You laughed.

“We have our hands full with Rose and the thousands of metal children he makes on the daily,” you admitted. You glanced down at Rose again. “But maybe one day. He seems to be hinting at it and I don’t know...maybe it’s not such a bad idea.”

Ethan glanced back at you and then quickly looked away. You looked happy, curious, wondering.

“If it’s any help...I’m glad I had her. Even if she got me into this whole mess,” he said laughing a bit. You smiled up at him as he pulled into the dock.

“You want a little Heisenberg running around?” Ethan scoffed.

“I wouldn’t mind a little you. Rose could have a friend.” He got out of the boat and you handed him Rose. You got out as well.

“We’ll see. Karl may be banking on it.” You both started to walk back into town. At the castle entrance you had to part.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, if your legs still work.” You gasped, shoving him.

“You have a mouth on you Ethan Winters for living in a house with four other grown women,” you said. He laughed and went into the gate without saying anything else.

The walk back to the factory was a pleasant one. The sun was setting and the breeze was nice. Not too hot, not too cold.

You made it back to Karl in record timing. He wasn’t in the room so you went looking for him. He was in one of the work rooms, leaning over one of his new inventions. You walked up behind him and leaned over the head of the machinery.

“Hey there kitten! Back up, it might come alive at any second,” he muttered, moving you back. You nodded, stepping away from the table. He turned off his recording and turned around to look at you.

“Well how was swimming with Moreau?”

“And Rose and Ethan. I caught the tail end. She had fun though. You’re right, she is growing everyday.”

“I take it by you referencing our earlier conversation you remember how it ended.”

“I’m not doing it if this machine will come alive half way through and kill us.” Karl scoffed and took your hand.

“Up to the bedroom it is kitten!” You scoffed but let him drag you along, giggling the whole way up.

[moxfirefly]

I’m in a certain mood and I’ve had this simmering in the back of my head for a bit now so idk, enjoy? Shoutout to @raphaelsrightarm for inspiring me with their wonderful piece involving the purple boy himself as well.

Moments after a near death experience

Rated Explicit (18+ only)

TW: Blood, Violence, NSFW themes

He takes you up through the fire escape, it’s autopilot to be honest, because there’s still a slight ringing in his ears and you haven’t stopped shaking since he picked you up.

He forces the window open (he’ll fix it later) and gently pushes you in through it. You climb in and can’t seem to move when you stay on the floor, there’s blood caked onto your forearms, wounds aren’t even that bad.

Nothing truly compares to the damage Donatello is sporting.

His gear and bostaff clatter onto the hardwood floor and it’s the first time that he exhales since this whole ordeal. Bruises and cuts protest and there’s a trickle of blood trying to make its way into his eyeball. It dawns on him that his glasses didn’t make it when he feels that he’s squinted slightly more than usual. His bruised hands reach for you and he hauls you up onto your feet.

“Ar-Are you okay?” He feels the inside of his cheek, bitten down and cut from accidentally chomping down during a punch. You’re still shaking, it dissipates at the sound of his voice, Donnie’s words bring you back to right now and he’s running his hand across your face and sweaty hair.

He’s touching you.

Donnie blinks. All things considered, if that gang attack had gone differently, that wouldn’t be the case.

You’re warm, he’s touching you, you’re eyes find his own, he’s touching you.

There isn’t much hesitation, he’s leaning down enough to crash his lips to yours, it stings and hurts but he doesn’t care...

Because he’s touching you.

So much could’ve gone bad, so much could’ve gone worse but the mere contact of his lips to yours reminds him that all this isn’t for naught. He’s so focused on kissing you, molding his lips, pecking the corners of your mouth, your chin, your jaw.

You find yourself back in this moment, the texture of his hands grounding you and urging you. He’s here, he’s here with you and he’s kissing life into you quite literally so. You hold the back of his neck, nails digging into his scales, there’s blood there but it’s not his for there isn’t a wound. Feeling him engulf you in a hug, he picks you up and holds you against him. He’s been kissing you desperately, unsatisfied that he can’t keep his lips on you at all times. When Donnie feels your thighs clutching against his waist, when he feels your hands yank his mask off and try to unclip his suspenders; he becomes frantic.

A frantic need to feel just more than your life on his lips, but to feel everything of you surrounding him. He’s kicking off his boots, not caring that his ankle protest this hard movement, he leans back enough to help you tear at your shirt and cast elsewhere with his own belongings. He squats down with you and his strength never seizes to amaze you. You pull the blanket off the couch just as Donnie gives a firm shove to the coffee table. It’s a makeshift nest, just so your back doesn’t connect with the hard floor.

There’s more desperate kissing. More ‘I love you’s’ scattered against one another’s battered flesh. Donnie isn’t soft about it, he catches your wince when he rips down your jeans, sees bruises at your knee caps that he’ll kiss and heal himself but right now he want to consume you.

And you want him to consume you.

You’re breathing hard and fast and grabbing at him as he tries to push down his pants. His lips find a path from your navel to your neck, you smell of sweat and copper and something so very you that it guts him.

Because he gets to smell that, smell you, be wrapped up in all of you. Your eyes are watery from the stress of wanting him, nails digging in your haste to pull him closer. He rips your bra down the middle, casting the fabric to the side and rubs his face against the mounds, he exhales shakily. You feel those perfect hands cup your breasts, knead into the soft flesh and a moan filled with so much need uttered against your left breast it makes you arch up. Donnie sucks wantonly at your nipples, each one getting the proper amount of dedication, he feels the texture against his lips and tongue and the very fact that he gets to makes him unbearably hard.

Your hands find the edges of his shell, you scratch and rub and caress until he’s churring with a mouthful of your tit. “-in me please, please” Your mouth is dry, legs spread for him as you try to push his face away from your breast and towards your mouth again. With another unceremonious yank your underwear joins the rest of the clothes in the disarray of the living room. You’re lucky you’re wet because Donnie just thrusts in without warning, he feels heat and wetness and that choked gasp of a sound you make whenever he enters you. His hands nestle into you hair, fingertips at your scalp as he cradles your head. A whine escapes him on that secondary thrust, hard enough to make you grab onto him, any part of his. His arms, his sides, his thighs.

Just anything.

He’s so much bigger than you, sometimes all you can see or feel are those hard plates that make up his plastron, the texture feels so familiar in a time like this, against your cheek, lips to them and fingers working through. Donnie isn’t satisfied with how he holds you, he wants more, wants to inhale you and keep you inside of him forever. He settles for burying his face in the crook of your neck, hands gripping your rear when you lift your legs to better accommodate him. He rocks into you with slow but harsh thrust, his own thoughts to consume, conquer and copulate.

You wrap an arm around the back of his neck, the other onto his shell, you let him drive into you with every pent of need, greedily taking that energy for your own desire. Donnie stretches you so good, he fills you up almost maddening so, so deeply it could almost hurt but nothing compares to it. Tonight could’ve gone so differently, instead you’ve got him buried inside of you fucking away the fear of loss.

“Fuckin’...” He groans with a harsh thrust. “Love you!” His fingers dig into the plush skin of your rear, he’s rubbing against your clit so perfectly in this position. Feeling your walls give him a tight squeeze, he picks up the pace for the first time since he started and you’ve forgotten how to breath all over again. “Iloveyousomuch!” You moan out in a jumbled heap, you crane your neck, wheezing from the heat and feel of your approaching orgasm. Both your moans rise, yours consistent, his with every drive of his hips.

It’s desperate, dizzying, it hits you both at the same time without warning but the moment you tighten so stiffly and Donnie buries himself so much he’s glued to your navel, it’s chaos. You cry out, actual tears forming from the intensity and Donnie is so lost in how you milk him for every drop he continues to give small rough stutters to empty himself fully. There’s an awful cramp in your calf and toes, and every bruise from tonight throbs painfully but your insides are so warm with him, your pussy is full with him. Donnie’s sharp intake of breath makes him cough, as he trembles against you, he’s honest to god shaking much like he had during his first time with you.

You’re so overwhelmed you press your face to his shoulder and bite down, trying to suppress more tears.

But Donnie can feel it, and he’s telling you ‘it’s ok it’s ok it’s ok’ and let’s you sob against him. He holds you and kisses your cheeks and promises you...

That it’s going to be alright.

[cartierbin]

14 with lix 😭

thank you for requesting baby

『 14. “stop being so gentle damn it”

pairing — felix x reader

genre — smut + rough roommate sex with felix

word count — 1.324k 』

smut under the cut !

“why do you care so much felix!! huh? why do you care we’re not even together!!”. he clenched his jaw from across the room, it was almost 2am and you knew it was late but you hated the way felix was acting. you know everyone in the dorm halls probably hated you two by now. “you know why I care. And stop saying that bullshit every single time you get caught up in your mess”.

“I can say what I what I want to say”.

“no, you say bullshit that you think excuses you. you think I don’t know that we aren’t dating? Huh?! Do you think I want to be reminded of that every single time you go back to your stupid ass ex and I confront you about it?!”. you fold over the blankets on your bed, slipping under it. “whatever felix. I’m going to sleep I’m sick and tired of arguing with you about this shit. I go back to my ex because I can. I’m single. And until you make me anything other than that you shouldn’t have your nose in my business”. you turned your back to him, throwing the blanket over your shoulder. felix stared at you in disbelief, making a pft noise before he sat on his own bed, facing the opposite direction. he runs his hands over the expanse of his thighs, hanging his head low. the realization settled low in his gut. he knew you weren’t his and the fact that you kept sticking it on him hurt him.

“so? that’s what it’s going to be? you told me you weren’t ready for a relationship. yet you grant me relationship benefits. how are you going to lead me so far just to tell me that you want someone else? and expect it not to fuck with my mind?”. you listen, more than glad that you were facing the opposite direction so he couldn’t see the guilt scrawled on your face. he took your silence as a reply, meaning that you didn’t care how he felt and that you were done talking about the situation. he grips his own blankets and throw them over his shoulder as well, leaning his forehead on his fingertips before drifting off to sleep. you waited a while, unable to sleep due to how guilty you felt. you knew you hurt him. you were sorry and didn’t know how to say it. rather, you knew just what to do. it was another hour before you sighed deeply, pushing the covers away from yourself prior to getting out of bed. you stood over his, kind of admiring how cute he looked when he slept. so cute that it made you feel even worse for how you treated him. you drew his covers back positioning your body on top of his and attaching your lips to his neck, giving him tongue filled kisses all over his skin.

he was soaking them up for a little while until he was awake enough to feel the softness of your lips. his hands slid down the span of your back, creeping to the back of your thighs and pulling upwards making you straddle him. he groaned too, half because it felt good and half because he wanted to know what you were doing. he opens his eyes but you didn’t give him a chance to think about your vulnerability. you needily rut your hips against his groin, gaining a few small deep voiced groans from his throat. you sucked another hickey into his neck, apologizing countless times in between your wet sloppy efforts. he took a deep breath squeezing your ass into the palm of his hand, wondering if he should give in. your lips felt good and he knew that fucking you would be even better. you could tell that his head was lost in his decisions and instead you mushed his lips into a kiss allowing your tongue to roam his mouth knowing he was fond of tongue kisses. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that just fuck me please”, he takes a hand a wraps it around your throat departing your lips from his own. his eyes looked cold when they bore into yours. fear flooded your chest. “you think you can just talk to me any type of way and then bribe your way out with sex?”. his voice was low and deliberate, throwing you into a nervous spiral.

“felix you know I just- I just say things I don’t mean. we both always say things that we don’t mean. that’s what we always do when we argue”. you stammer helplessly feeling pathetic. his expression remained unmoved. cold and conniving. even when he laughed. it wasn’t his normal laugh, beautifully contagious. but it was a laugh of irony. “I need you to make a decision because I’m sick of this shit”. he spoke narrowing his eyes, you could still hear the lumps of sleepiness in his voice. he cocks his head to the side. “do you want to keep running back to your toxic ass ex? or do you want to get fucked into this headboard of mine?”. your throat immediately ran dry and you wondered where your spit had gone. on one hand, your ex was someone whom you’ve known since you were younger. but on the other, felix meant everything to you and the way his dick kept twitching up against you through his sweats made your pussy throb. “you going to choose or what? because I’m tired and I have a class in the morning”. he spoke again still waiting for your response. “I want to get fucked felix”. he shook his head in doubt. “you’re only saying that because you’re on top of me right now”. “no. no please, I’m not. please. I want to get fucked by you and only you felix”. he stares at you a bit longer just before unleashing his tongue down your throat entrapping you in a slimy kiss and pulling away. he figured he’d make this quick considering you weren’t going to last long anyway. “get on all fours”.

you got into position and waited for felix who nonchalantly discarded his shirt and tugs down his briefs, draping his body over yours so he could clutch the top of the headboard. he settles his dick into you with a curse word leaking from his lips and with a purr of relief coming from yours. you shut your eyes for a bit feeling satisfied with the way his thick length filled you from behind. he pushes your head into the pillows and arched your ass up higher for himself and for better angles. he rolled his hips into you at a measured pace before gradually speeding up, watching your ass make his dick disappear with each thrust. you breathe heavy and hard into the pillows, feeling lost and euphoric all at once. felix bit his lips and pounded into you deeper steadily increasing, cinching his hand into the dip of your waist. the buildup caused the headboard to beat the wall, and the slapping sounds of your skin was so loud you knew the people who roomed next door had to hear it. but you didn’t care. “god I hate you sometimes but the way your pussy clenches around me—fuck”. he groans, fucking you a bit harder. he rocked his hips into you with a power that almost made you headbutt the headboard. you curved your head to soften the blow. “fuck felix. stop talking like that”. he took his other hand off the headboard and instead gripped your waist with two hands, pressing it against the bed and fucks you that way. “stop being so gentle, damn it. If we’re going to fuck like this we’re going to talk the right way”. he licks his lips each time your ass moves in a wavelike motion, starting from the bottom and making the top curve up against your lower back. you cry into the sheets in pleasure, gripping them and drooling against them. “nngh god yes right there— please”. you begged, needing it more than you thought you would. felix molded the palms of his hands into your lower back holding you in place so you couldn’t move.

he flipped pieces of his hair away from his face as the noises in the room only grew louder. he admired the sounds your pussy made each time he entered you, a thick river of gush waiting to coat his dick every time he invited himself in. “how in the fuck do you get this wet all the time? holy shit”. you were trying to reply but your eyes rolled to the back of your head and instead you were babbling nonsense that you hoped he’d understand. your head was being pushed against the headboard which was showing no mercy on the wall, denting it in all types of ways. “because you fuck me so good f-felix”. you murmur feeling your body tremble and your tummy cave in a bit. felix felt you contracting and he smirks. “aw? is your little pussy about to cum already? how long does it take your ex to do this?”. a throaty groan bubbled from your throat. you could only talk in shakey syllables with the way he was fucking you. “h-he doesn’t felix—fuck I’m going to cum fuck”. he leans off of you and smacks your ass with his hand. “cmon. let me see you fuck yourself”. You desperately pushed back against him trying to do more than you could handle but the way he stretched you and hit your weak spots the closer you became. he smacked your ass repeatedly almost as if he was spanking you, making it all worth while and making your cum drip down your thighs in the process. when you were finished you collapsed on the bed, gasping for air and a peace of mind.

“don’t you ever go back to his ass again”.

[atomicfilm]

INTJ pairings

I'll make this into a fun short "put you in my pocket and take you `to my mom's Thanksgiving party" version too.

I'm not an INTJ, but I do converse with them (and by them, I mean maybe 3 total and 1 regularly) and I've been asked to talk about my thoughts on this, so for tonight only, I'm giving myself a really cool sash that says I'm an authority on the subject. I also think as an INTP I run into somewhat similar issues with certain types.

* means I like this pairing.

Typically, the INTJ's golden pair is the ENFP. I think that works for some people, but is probably a kind of short-lasting passionate fling rather than the ideal pairing. ENFPs are great people, they're lots of fun to be around, they care a great deal. They bring out the INTJ's soft side, which they may hate but they secretly quite admire. But ultimately, ENFPs can be flaky. They see something new and exciting and they move on. Novelty is the greatest motivator in a lot of ENFPs. New friends, new places, new things to do. And while the INTJ may deeply admire that and may find it quite exciting, it's not going to last forever. Eventually, the INTJ will become tired of playing games and want to settle into their ideal lifestyle pursuing their carefully strategized goals and the ENFP will become bored. The INTJ I speak to and I have the same issue, which is that ENFPs by nature are manipulative. It can be used for the good of inspiring people and bringing them together, but it can also become quite selfish and unstable. This leads to the ENFP saying things like "You try to apply logic to everything" or "you don't really respect me" or something like that when in reality, if someone loves an INTJ they'll love that they apply logic to everything and they'll love their snarky edges.

INFPs. I have not heard a lot of feedback about them as I think INTJs tend to be drawn more to extraverts. But as someone who spends quite a lot of time with INFPs, I would imagine that a lot of INTJs who can't make it work with ENFPs can also not make it work with INFPs. Once again, INFPs are great at engaging our minds but they are terrible at accepting that we live by rationality. INTJs use Fi a little bit, so to some extent they'll have similar engagements with their emotional side, but INFPs live by thinking "what can I do to nurture myself" and INTJs live more by "how can I best mold the world to fit my vision of efficiency". You'll see the commonality of Fi at the worst point possible when the INTJ is breaking down. INFPs kind of never stop using Fi and as someone who is thinking-dominant, that is almost impossible for communication. Ultimately, they'll eventually hit a point where their love languages and ways of interactions may be so disparate that they feel neglected.

ENTPs **. This is a golden pair that I can kind of get behind. The INxJs I know are obsessed with ENTPs and tend to think they're quite attractive. They're not only gregarious (when they're not arguing) but they're also quite intellectually stimulating and since they have opposite functions from the INTJ, there is still quite a bit of difference to make it fun. There shouldn't be too many emotional issues, aside from the fact that both these types tend to bottle up their emotions and resent vulnerabilities. The ENTP will probably be the more caring of the two in a conventional sense, but I would think both would have similar love languages of caring both through action and thought. ENTPs also tend to not be quite as flaky as a lot of xNxPs are, but, I would rate both of these types as highly likely to ghost. My best advice is that if you want to be around ENTPs, pick one who can be honest about their real values and whose values align with yours. If they make a lot of bigoted jokes, take that at face value, no matter how "ironic" it is. ENTPs can be a little fake in the sense that they will blend in just enough and hide behind so-called irony to be friends with a lot of different people.

INTPs. I don't really see it. I think INTPs are lovely as an INTP who likes other INTPs. Likewise, I enjoy a good conversation and friendship with an INTJ. But I find it not only difficult to tolerate relationships but also being told what to do. I make every decision in a relationship as a compromise and I think that would eventually quite interfere with the INTJ's ambitions because I wouldn't back down on mine...at least, not without resentment. So perhaps an INTJ and INTP with similar life goals could work out romantically, but personally, I view them as platonic and the one time I liked an INTJ it ended beyond poorly. I don't bring out their softness and they don't bring out mine. We're more like buddies who complain about other people when we do the entire group project by ourselves. Of course, romantic preference is a preference.

ENTJs. When has it ever worked out for someone to date their sister-type? Name one time! If someone names one time I'll update this. I think an ENTJ and an INTJ would be quite an argumentative couple even if they were on the same side about everything. Then again, INTJs do admire extraversion and it is always nice to be around people you don't have to explain yourself to every sentence.

INFJs ****. Oh, I like this pairing. I have not heard much about it, but I think it would be really cute. INTJs are complete badasses. They're very "I'm going to take over the world and you're just going to have to deal with it. And if you say no I will secretly cry". INFJs are very "I'm going to do everything in my power to heal everyone and the world and I am probably crying because I saw a baby bunny". INFJs are The Best! They have the softness of ENFPs but they're logical and they use Ni like INTJs but have Fe, which means they are thinking about harmony 24/7 and not that Fi-version of harmony. That genuine "I will make sure everyone is cared for at no social benefit to me" kind of harmony. They do socialize with a lot of people, but INTJs sometimes like to be social and party, they just aren't typically regarded that way. Do Fe and Fi mix that well? Maybe not. But as an Fe user who is quite fond of INFJs, I think they could potentially be a very cute power couple with the INTJ and there would be fewer issues with communication than other types as Ni-doms (but this also might be boring at the same time).

ENFJs. Similar to INFJs. They might work together a little less simply because of the change in function positions.

ESFPs *. Do I know for sure that this is a good pairing? No! But gosh, do I like it. INTJs become ESFP-like when they're sad. So, you know, maybe the ESFP will draw out the worst version of the INTJ and that could really suck. But this is the perfect little theatre kid dates total nerd trope and I like that. ESFPs have the social circle that the INTJ desires and the INTJ has the "got their shit together" vibes that ESFPs, despite being quite talented and successful, may lack. They both have skills one another can benefit strongly from, but it may come at the cost of a lot of arguments. Not sure. But I think this is actually my personal favorite since they have near-opposite strengths but a common reason to respect one another.

ISFPs: Pft. Idk. This is not the same as ESFPs. ISFPs are lovely but they sort of fill the same niche that INFPs do. Perfect for an INTP like me, but I don't think INTJs are looking for the quiet, artsy, weirdo so much because they already often fill that niche to some extent, even if it's more technical. I've noticed that INxJs really want to be around people who are the life of the party and very socially dominant (and ISFPs can fulfill that role, but there are other types who win via extraversion). The ISFP will likewise appreciate a little practicality, but I've noticed they're more likely to gravitate towards other xxFPs. Probably a better friendship and as a relationship would take more effort.

ESTPs: I think this one comes with its own difficulties and will work less than ENTP/ESFP pairings. This is because while they can have the same charisma that ENTP and ESFPs have, they can also have that same fakeness as a defense mechanism. Both will value action but the ESTP will probably drain out the INTJ more than ENTPs will (who are more ambiverts) and more than ESFPs too. With ESFPs, there's a good amount of the right kind of opposites. INTJs are action-driven, but they're strategic and take a while. ESFPs are action-driven, but they're more spontaneous. And ultimately, that leads to a lot of arguments about how to get things done. Whereas, the ESFP and ENTP might give the INTJ complete room to "manage", the ESTP seems less likely to do so.

ISTPs: This would be so stale. INTJs tend to show big emotions (to their own despise) when they're upset and ISTPs love to ghost at any sign of emotion. They would dip so fast. Top-tier friendship on an intellectual level but never particularly deep and unlikely, albeit not impossible to evolve into a relationship. Same issues as with INTPs, there's going to be a lot of admiration and probably not a lot of emotional attachment. I have witnessed an INTJ have a crush on an ISTP but that ISTP had a crush on me so that tells you how that went. Messy business. 

ESTJ: Yeah, I guess. I don't like ESTJs as a general concept but I suppose INTJs aren't necessarily as opposed to capitalism and tradition. Sounds dry. Next.

ISTJ *: This is probably a really solid pairing for the INTJ. Very marriage material, have the same job, raise cool kids. But I think that sounds boring. So if you want the "perfect life", this is probably a good type for you but I couldn't do that. You would probably only have minor arguments and the INTJ would have to learn to trust that ISTJs are incredibly good at reading situations while the ISTJ would have to learn to love that the INTJ is more fantasy-oriented than they are. Odd, right? Ultimately, you have two people who can be very commitment-oriented, who care for people the same way, who want to fix society, who analyze everything. You just have two generally different ways of doing that, where the ISTJ is probably actually better at being in society and the INTJ wants to change it in more drastic ways (although, for moral reasons they both want to change it).

ISFJ: I don't imagine it working particularly well. I honestly can barely imagine it at all. An ISFJ is my best friend and he is THE MOST gentle buddy. You cannot make fun of him even playfully and keep the friendship. Probably a deal-breaker for a lot of INTJs as they tend to love a good tease. My ISFJ has dated an INTJ before and while they’re still friends, it was a bad experience to witness all around. INTJs are very competitive and ISFJs are very open with their affection so that ran into issues but also, the ISFJ is not as likely to stand up for itself in a way that INTJs easily respect, which is to say, when they do it it will be something like “hey, you hurt my feelings” and if you’re the kind of person to  respond “then you’re too sensitive” you’ve got a whole ass toxic relationship on your hands. 

ESFJ: I think this could work a little better than the ISFJ pairing and a little worse than with the ESFP. Of course, there are general grounds for arguing over emotion vs. logic, but both types can have quite a good bit of talent and practicality coexisting. ESFJs tend to be a little better with criticisms (although they are still sensitive and should be treated very gently too) and they're more likely to want to accomplish goals that the INTJ finds easier to respect. For a lot of ISFJs, their goals are sweet and simple like raising a family, working as a computer scientist. The ESFJ might be a little more oriented towards large goals similar to that of the ESFP, which is more of the category that INTJs tend to fall into. However, the INTJ is going to have to accept that ESFJs love a LOT which means throwing a LOT of parties, probably the most out of any type and its probably going to lead to some burnouts. 

Overall, INTJs are great but need to learn to practice kindness and put their natural tendency for intellectual superiority aside. They shouldn't be with anyone that doesn't want to accomplish things they can respect. They shouldn't be with people who want them to compromise too much (they probably won't). They should be with people who bring out their nurturing capabilities and who they want to do things for, but not people that they see as incapable of taking care of themselves. They may prefer more social people and admire people who can network while being direct and genuine. Based on these criteria, INFJs and ENTPs are my highest recommendations while ESFPs (my favorite) and ISTJs also make the list for various reasons.

BUT, that being said, RELATIONSHIPS (including friendships) ARE A SKILL. They are most successful when someone becomes good at learning respect and compromise that doesn't cause resentment, regardless of type. All individuals will have different specific interests as well as red flags. And if you need me to tell you if your relationship works, it probably doesn't and you can DM me.

[221bshrlocked]

II. Teach Me

Shiny & New Masterlist

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Fem!Reader

Words: 2410 (can you believe I wrote something under 4K?)

Warnings: Inapropro touches in public. Confessions. Oral sex (male receiving).

A/N: Here is part two you hoes. Let me know how I’m doing in the comments please. I think this may be the shortest thing I’ve written in two years?

It wasn't that things were weird between the two of you after that night. It was that things weren't, far from it actually. Pedro was more touchy, and if you weren't overthinking things, he was more flirty as well. And the odd thing was, he didn't even care if anyone was around. He constantly found a way to touch you, whether it was a quick nudge to your waist or a soft caress of your lower back as he passed behind you. And then there were the dangerous smiles and low-key remarks full of innuendoes. You thought you were imagining all of this but there was no denying the bulge you felt against your back when he pulled you into his lap as soon as you stepped into the jacuzzi.

You said nothing of it, trying your hardest to continue whatever conversation you were having with Sarah without giving yourself or him away. He laughed at something Sarah said and leaned over, briefly kissing your shoulder blade before slithering one arm across your navel and pushing you down harder on him. You bite back a moan when you feel him twitch against you, unintentionally digging your nails into his thighs when his other hand slowly dips beneath your swimsuit piece.

It's a battle of who's a better actor, with Pedro pretending he was just having a chat and you trying to not make it obvious that you were practically getting fingered in front of your best friends. The lighter his touches became, the more difficult it was to keep it together. What was only a few minutes felt like hours and you sighed in relief when Oscar said that lunch was ready. You waited until everyone left the pool area before you turned around and looked at Pedro.

"Are you out of your mind?" There was no malice in your voice and Pedro smiled before leaning over and kissing down your neck.

"Yes...fuck, yes I am baby. I'm so goddamn crazy for you hermosa. You drive me mad...dreaming of you every night only to wake up with nothing but the memory of you in my arms." You melt into his embrace, trying not to make any noise as he bites down on your skin and leaves marks where his hands could reach,

"Pe-Pedro...please, I- I need..."

"I know what you need baby, I know exactly what you need. And I'll give it to you real good sweetheart...just stay over. D-don't leave, please. Stay here with me...stay here with me." There's a shift in his tone and you can't help but feel like there's perhaps more to this than you thought. And the hope that flutters through your heart doesn't scare you as much as you thought it would.

"Please oh god..." The hand around your waist is trailing up your stomach and you finally give in to him as he cups and kneads at your tits.

"Fucking tell me you'll stay querida." Pedro shakes you in his arms once, pulling at the hair on the nape of your neck until your throat was exposed to him. He licks the skin of your chest up to your jaw and hums at the taste of you, pulling away just in time to see goosebumps erupt on your skin.

"I'll- fuck...I'll stay. I'll stay...n-not going anywhere. I-"

"Sweet fucking girl...never letting you go now." Pedro whispers as he molds his lips with yours, swallowing your moans and deepening the kiss when you gasp at his needy touches.

You inhale deeply when he finally lets you go and stands up. By the time you're opening your eyes, Pedro is looking down and smiling devilishly at you. He stills has his arms wrapped around your back and chuckles at you when your knees buckle at feeling him so near to you.

"That good huh?" You're looking away when he winks, quickly moving out of the spa area and grabbing a towel while Pedro drys his chest and puts on a shirt. Your eyes scan the backyard and when you don't find anyone, you dare to turn around, eyes widening in embarrassment when you see Pedro fixing himself through his swimsuit.

He walks towards you and helps you put on your dress, never once breaking eye contact as his hands move across your wet skin.

"Hurry the fuck up baby chicken!" You snap out of your haze when you hear Oscar yelling from inside, smiling at Pedro as he grabs your hand and moves towards the house.

The rest of the day goes by quickly, with Pedro glancing at you every once in a while and waiting until you smile at him before he goes back to whatever he was doing. You hope you're not reading too much into this, especially now that there were more emotions involved than before. It felt like he was perhaps as nervous as you but there was no way that was true. A man who touched you so shamelessly in front of your friends wouldn't suddenly grow nervous over you staying over. Right?

"Alright heart eyes, I'll see you later." You pretend you don't hear Oscar teasing Pedro as he's leaving, waving your goodbyes as you begin to clean up after everyone. You hear the front door close and immediately head to the kitchen, trying to not seem too nervous now that you're left alone with Pedro.

A solid warm body creeps up from behind you and you drop the plate in the sink when you feel Pedro's hands crawling up your stomach.

"I satisfied myself all of these weeks with the mere thought of you hermosa..."

You shiver at his hoarse voice, shutting your eyes and allowing your head to fall back on his shoulder as he begins to leave a trail of wet kisses down your throat.

"How does that make you feel baby? Knowing that I can't stop thinking about you...fuck sweetheart you're the prettiest goddamn sight in the world." Pedro is turning you around in his arms in an instant, shoving his tongue down your throat and keeping you flush against him as he makes his way back to the couch, the same couch he almost fucked you on not a whole month ago.

"Pedro...oh god, please. I- want to...to-"

"What do you want baby? I'll give you anything, everything...just please let me keep kissing you." His desperate pleas twist the inside of your stomach and you reluctantly lay a hand on his chest and push him away. Pedro's eyes panic and he lets go of you immediately, not wanting to force you into anything you didn't want.

"Wait...I- I want to know what this is," you motion between the two of you, ignoring the way he's licking his lips and looking back at you, "because- fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be. I can't lose you Pedro but I can't lie and pretend that I don't...want more with you. Ever since what we did, I can't- it's like everything made sense all of a sudden. I don't know why I never thought of this but you were so sweet and caring and kind and everything perfect. I can't do this if you aren't...if you just want to-" Pedro suddenly steps forward and takes hold of your neck, making sure you're meeting his gaze before he opens his mouth.

"I wasn't lying when I said I'm crazy about you querida. And- if I'm being honest, I've had these feelings long before you asked me to sleep with you. Ever since I met you baby, I always pictured you in my arms, having lunch with me, staying over every night...coming to events with me. I wanted you then and I want you now." His words are soothing and you shut your eyes and lean into the palm of his hand before you decide to ask him what you've been dying to know ever since the morning.

"Why didn't you say anything Pedro?" I could have been with you for so long.

"Because...I didn't think you'd ever consider me." Pedro looks away when he confesses his fear, not wanting to see the look on your face should you agree with him.

"Are you serious?" You frown at him and almost pull away when he smiles sadly at you.

"I'm older than you sweetheart, a lot older than you. The thought of you rejecting me was...unbearable."

He's shocked when he feels your arms wrap dramatically around his neck just as your lips seek his own. But he's pulling you in soon after, smiling when you moan and beg for him to bring you closer to him.

"I'll take it you don't mind then?" He asks between kisses, laughing when you push him down on the couch and straddle him. His hands are roaming your back before he squeezes and grasps at your ass. He can already himself harden beneath you the more you buck your hips against him.

"Fuck baby you're a dream...my fucking dream." There is a hint of reluctance in his voice and you let go of him and look into his eyes as you whisper your assurances.

"I'm here Pedro...not going anywhere. I promise." He's about to lean up again to taste your lips when you move down his body and kneel between his thighs.

"Wha- what're you doing honey?" He gulps at the sight of you kneeling at his feet, pupils dilating as soon as he feels your hands cupping his cock through his shorts.

"I want to taste you Pedro, please. You- you promised. Please, will you teach me? Will you teach me how to take your cock in my mouth? I want you to come down my throat...want to know how to touch you, pleasure you...make you lose control." Your words are enough to make him hard. Pedro can't believe what he's hearing and your request shoots straight to his dick when he realizes that this is probably your first blowjob.

"Fuck...yeah alright go on baby. Touch me, take what you want...let me feel those pretty lips wrapped around me cock." Pedro raises his hips just as you pull down his shorts, moaning when he sees the way you eye his cock like you were about to feast on him.

"God...I touched myself every night Pedro...picturing your cock sliding into my pussy, stretching me out...filling me up. But you're so much thicker than I remember. So thick and hard for me. Is- is this all for me?" He's sure you're not aware of the effect you're having on him or else you would stop so he wouldn't come so soon.

"Yeah honey, it's for you. All for you. Why don't you be a good little girl and open your mouth. Open it sweetheart and take my cock. Go on, I'll be gentle." He thumbs your jaw and clenches his jaw when you slowly take the head of his dick between your lips. He forces himself to not buck his hips against you, knowing that you needed to get used to the size of him before he tried anything. The curiosity etched on your face as you explore him makes him wish he could push you down on all fours and fuck you until you couldn't remember anything but his name. But he bites into his lower lip to try and have a semblance of control over his body.

"Oh ff-fuck...so wet and warm. Pretty girl...sweet fucking girl." His words make you moan around him and you shut your eyes to try and take him a little deeper. Pedro is torn between keeping his eyes open to commit every single moment to memory and shutting it to enjoy the softness of your throat. But he keeps them open, watching as you switched between licking the precum rolling down his length and sucking on the side of his cock while you rubbed the tip.

"Shit fuck baby...it's okay. You- you don't have to sweetheart...we'll get you there. I'll train this cute mouth of yours to gag on my cock...just enjoy this for now, fuck. So good. So fucking good." Pedro is looking at you with desperation and neediness in his eyes and you pull back to lick at the underside of his cock before leaving wet kisses on his balls. His grip tightens around your hair, unable to decide whether that was the most innocent or the filthiest fucking thing he's ever seen. You're not shy anymore, and Pedro enjoys the sight of you as spit drools down your chin and onto his dick. You're messy and wet and shameless in your touches. Absolutely fucking beautiful.

"You taste so good," it's a faint whisper but his cock twitches in your hand at the exclamation and he gulps nervously when he feels your grip harden around his dick. Fucking hell, how's he already so close?

"Please baby, let me come. Want to come down your throat, fill you up before I fuck this tight cunt again. Take my cock hermosa...take it like the filthy little girl you are. Shit, baby I'm so close...so- so fucking close." He finally throws his head back when your lips enclose around him again, breathing growing erratic when warm hand jerks off the rest of him while the other cups his balls. He's moaning your name and swearing all sorts of curses in Spanish, never once noticing how much it turns you on when he loses control.

"Shit shit fuck oh god- oh baby baby I'm- cuh..coming ff-fuck!" You take him just a tad bit deeper right before you feel hot, long spurts of cum shooting down your throat. It almost feels like he's coming for minutes on end and you squeeze and suck on his dick until he gets too sensitive and pushes you off of him. Pedro looks down just in time to see you collect the cum trailing down your chin and lick it off of your thumb.

"Fucking beautiful." He whispers and mirrors your smile before he pulls you up into his lap again. You're shocked when he kisses you, moaning in surprise when you feel his tongue exploring your mouth. When Pedro finally pulls away to allow you to breathe, he's laughing again at the hazy look on your face.

"W-was I any good?" The reluctance and shyness in your voice makes him almost grow hard again.

"Well, practice does make perfect sweetheart. And I plan on practicing with you all night long."

Taglist: @pastel-0-princess​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @libbymouse​ @its--fandom--darling​ @spideysimpossiblegirl​ @princess76179​ @cheekygeek05​ @miraclesoflove​  @purple-mango​ @freeshavocadoooo​ @metalarmsandmanbuns​ @acthenerd​

[sylverstorms]

Miranda x Mia---- Eternal

A Ko-Fi commission I wrote for the wonderful @saltwatereulogies. Thank you so very much for the support and I hope you enjoy the fic!

Drip. Splatter.

The first sound you’re aware of is that of the occasional waterdrop crashing onto the same humid, uneven floor you’re lying on.

The second is the sound of her voice.

“Rise and shine.” she says, somewhere off to the side. You are still too disoriented to pinpoint exactly where.

You’re not dizzy enough, though, to not immediately realize you’re trapped. The way the light behind your captor shines makes it all the more obvious, casting large shadows in the shape of your prison bars across your small, moldy cell.

“Y-you…” you struggle to talk. Your throat is too dry and your temples pound like a war drum. It feels like you’ve collided with a truck. And yet her voice commanding you to sleep is the last thing you remember.

“I haven’t formally introduced myself. Though I’m sure your friend has told you about me.”

You blink to make your vision focus yet it’s hopeless. She is but a dark blur to you –am I hallucinating or are those wings?

“My name is Miranda.”

Suddenly, that name snaps everything into focus so sharply you could get whiplash. You’re on your knees the next second, just about ready to leap at her. She’s the one. The one Chris warned you about. She may look like an angel but she is a devil.

“I don’t care who the hell you are! What do you want from me?!” you demand.

“Your cooperation in my experiments, for starters.” she says it calmly, but she is no fool to believe you’ll just agree to that, you can see it in her crystal-blue eyes.

“Ha! As if!” you retort.

“Well. That answer will change when I have Rose.” The name of your daughter makes every nerve ending in your body kick at once.

“What. Like Ethan will just hand her over to the likes of you?”

“Actually.”

A slow smirk crosses her full lips. Then their shape changes to match yours. All of her does, until you are left looking at a perfect mirror of yourself. Only, there’s no way you look quite that good inside of this shitty cell.

“He’ll hand her over to you.”

When she laughs, it is your own voice haunting your ears.

-

-

She has your daughter. She has your everything in her hands. So, she has your cooperation, as well.

Miranda doesn’t really talk when she comes to collect blood samples for whatever experiments she needs them. Your initial cries and questions were muted the second she told you the more helpful and less annoying you are, the more inclined she’ll feel to bring Rose to you for a while.

In the end, you do let yourself be her docile little lab rat.

Until you literally can’t take the silence anymore.

“Was it really… that easy?” ‘To enter my home and take my daughter’ you want to add but you can’t even get the words past your throat.

She seems to understand, though. “Effortless.” she isn’t being cocky as she says it. In fact, she seems almost surprised herself. At least, from the angle you get of her face, while she’s studying a strange rock-like substance under a microscope.

“How the hell did Ethan not figure out you aren’t me?!” That moron. He just gave your daughter to her. That clueless moron!

For a split second, you see her lip twitch in what could, perhaps, be a withheld smile. “I was there for a day, so. Seems like your husband doesn’t know you quite that well.”

Is it really fair to blame him for not knowing you, though? With the secrets you’ve kept from him? The distance? The trauma from the shared nightmare you experienced coming back to you every time you even looked at him?

God, Rose really is the only thing that kept you together, isn’t she…

It’s easy to hate the accursedly beautiful bitch outside your cell. It’s easy to blame Ethan for not even suspecting something was amiss with you for a whole damn day.

It is not so easy to blame yourself as much as you do them.

-

-

Miranda replies when you ask her things, so you ask her about herself. To your surprise, she does not shroud her motives from you.

She has lost her daughter, she tells you, and the only way to get her back is through yours. For the first time since you met her, you see emotion clearly expressed in her eyes and voice. You recognize how she longs to be with her child again.

You can understand the never-ending grief of a mother losing her offspring. You know if anything happened to Rose you would rather fling yourself off a cliff than live a life without her.

And apparently, that is what she tried to do, too. She tried to die –and discovered life instead. That is what she calls it, anyway. All you can hear as she explains is that she found –and founded— the Mold. The same one that ruined your husband and you.

One more reason to hate the psycho witch.

And yet.

When you try to reach for the rage you previously held for her, you find that it’s gone. You’re bitter, you’re exhausted, you want to cry and above everything you want to see Rose again. But you don’t loathe her as you should.

“What do you mean… the only way to get Eva back is through Rose?” you dare ask after several minutes of silence.

She turns to look at you, eyes as piercing as they are blue. “Technically, the trade is simple.” Maybe you’re losing it from the stress and lack of sleep, but you think she almost hesitates for a second. “…a life for a life.”

As soon as she speaks and the meaning of her words registers in your mind, you’re gripping at the rusty iron bars with all your might, rattling them, shouting profanities at her. You are back to hating her all over again. It’s much simpler this way.

Until… she walks over and grabs your hand over the metal. Her touch is oddly warm for such a glacial heart. You cannot tell what she does to you, but it feels like an aura flowing through your system that silences you. Calms you. You do not want to be calm.

“I wasn’t finished.” she speaks. “That is where the experiments with you come in. By running tests on your blood and Rose’s and using my DNA as a medium, during the ritual I can trick the Megamycete into giving me what I want through a form of mitosis. Essentially, cell duplication that will not override the existing vessel.”

To be honest… you lost her midway through the very first sentence. You were quite good with biology back in the day but right now, in the state you’re in, science is going right over your head.

“...Is there an English version of that.” you ask.

Her mouth curves into that almost-smile again. It would be quite gorgeous, actually, if she hadn’t kidnapped you, infiltrated your home as you and abducted your daughter.

“If the tests succeed, you get your daughter back, I get mine from cloned DNA and Mold cells.” There’s a hint of pride in her voice as she says it.

And now, assuming she’s telling the truth, you want those tests to succeed more than you want to get out of here. Her hand leaves yours and the weird calm she blasted into you dissipates with it.

“Wait. So…” Realization strikes you like a thunderclap. “So these tests are for me?”

“You’re welcome.”

“I didn’t say thank you, you crazy b—blonde.” You rattle the iron bars again, a tad weaker than before. She does smirk over the microscope, this time. “How likely are the tests to succeed?” you ask impatiently.

“Quite.” she replies, flat once again.

“…And if they don’t?” you hate how your voice shakes there, at the end.

She looks at you, dead in the eyes, as she answers: “I am getting my daughter back either way, Mia.”

You can’t believe it. You cannot believe you’re thinking this, but you hope the crazy bitch knows what she’s doing.

-

-

Miranda is… despicable, but she is a woman of her word.

She brings you Rose for hours at a time and in exchange you help her outside of your cell. You thought your daughter would be in a worse condition, considering who keeps her, yet she’s healthy as ever, well-fed and clean. The worst part is, she laughs every time Miranda comes close and she even reaches out for her.

“No, my darling, don’t do that.” you tell her, tucking her tighter in your arms, before the woman behind you notices what’s happening.

Except it’s too late. “Ah, I see.” Miranda speaks, coming up to you from behind. She’s tall enough to lean over your shoulder and wave at Rose, who moves both hands towards her. “A lady of taste.” the woman praises and the lightness to her voice almost makes her sound like someone else. Someone normal.

“Stop it.” You turn your child away from her. “She’s just confused because you’re lit up like a Christmas tree.” You motion with your chin at her getup.

Miranda chuckles. “What. She senses our bond. Rose feels safe with me.”

Safe with the monster who wants to sacrifice her to get her own child back. You cannot swallow that thought down. “But she’s not, is she?!” you snap.

“She is.” Miranda reverts to her cool facade, glancing down at your daughter. “I will never let anything hurt her. And when she gives me Eva back, I will make sure she grows up bathed in luxury.”

It’s the Mold, you’re sure of it.

It’s the Mold’s fault that you believe her.

-

-

You were supposed to see Rose today. Instead, Miranda comes into the cave alone, looking irritated. You start to worry. Nothing phases her without a good reason. What if—

“Where’s my daughter?!” you demand, eyes wide.

“We have a problem.” she tells you. Your blood goes cold in your veins. “A problem named Ethan Winters.”

“Ethan?” you gasp.

“He is trying to get Rose back and according to reports from the Lords under me, he cannot be killed. His hand got cut off and he just reattached it. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” she’s certain that you know. You can see it in her steely eyes.

“I— why would I—”

“Before you think to lie to me, hear something else. I bear good news, as well.” Miranda says. “I have succeeded in my experiments. During the ritual, I can guarantee Rose will remain unharmed and unchanged.” the edge of her lip curls up as she delivers the news. You almost cry from the sheer relief.

You almost leap forward and hug her, yet you remember who she is and that she caused this mess in the first place.

“But my conditions have changed.” her voice is a sword that cuts off your happiness just like that. You knew it was too good to be true. “For me to save Rose, you will tell me how to permanently get rid of Ethan Winters.”

…What?

She wants you to… trade your daughter for your husband? How the hell can I do that?!

“He has ruined too much for me to let him walk away happily now.” Her jaw is tight enough to sprout new lines on her flawless face. She wants him dead and she always gets what she wants. “He has killed colleagues of mine. Spat in the face of a damn-near god. I will have his head.”

The corners of your eyes sting with welling tears. Your body is far more honest than you in making a decision. Nobody is too important to sacrifice when it comes to your daughter. Not yourself. Not Ethan. And Miranda knows this better than anybody else. You loathe how she knows.

“Give him to me, Mia. And in a few days this whole thing will be over.” she continues in a significantly softer tone, getting closer to you. Her wings shift, the very edge of black feathers brushing your arms.

“You want me to aid in killing the father of my child?!” you sob, grabbing at her clothes. You’d expect her to shove you away, but she doesn’t move. She doesn’t even blink.

“You have been so cooperative and so brave.” she soothes, gold-taloned fingers coming underneath your chin. “Make one last sacrifice for me. Help me murder Ethan so Rose can live. Help me and I vow to be her eternal guardian angel. Hers and yours.”

She could just force the answer out of you. She’s touching you and you know she has that power. But she doesn’t do it and it’s far worse this way. She wants it to be your choice.

You look away from Miranda’s icy eyes and her promises of everything.

And you tell her.

-

-

You do not ask about Ethan. All that’s in your mind is the ceremony.

For the entire morning, you cannot breathe. You trace notes in her lab and pace around until you literally feel like you’ll explode—

And then Miranda comes in. She is radiant, smiling from ear to ear, glowing with pure joy. She looks every part the goddess she pretends to be. The golden circle usually adorning her back is gone, her long blonde hair is left free to flow like fine strands of silk past her square shoulders.

“It is done!” she tells you, a hand extended for you to take. “Come. I’ll take you to Rose and you will be the first to meet Eva.”

Her hand is warm when it closes around yours. Black wings shroud you both. There is a gravitational pull around you that’s so intense you shut your eyes and grab onto her biceps for dear life.

“You can look, now.” she speaks once the world is stable again. Your gut is churning, yet every bit of exhaustion and discomfort vanish the second you see Rose. She is safe within the first of the two golden cribs in front of you, bathed by the soft sunlight that disperses across the luxurious, dark-tiled chamber you’re in.

You run towards her, lifting your daughter in your arms and kissing her forehead over and over. She laughs at you, blue eyes crinkled. My love. My everything, you think. Everything was worth it for this moment. And you would do it all again, to ensure her safety.

Miranda’s steps, regal and authoritative, come to a stop near the other crib. You lean closer, take a look… to see another little angel there, sleeping peacefully. She resembles Rose, yet she resembles Miranda, too.

“Oh my God.” you breathe. “You really did it.”

“I did it and you and Rose made it possible, Mia.” she says. Your child extends a tiny hand towards her. She removes one of her claws and lets her finger be taken in your baby’s grip. “You don’t have to leave. She loves me already.” A proud smile curves her lips.

You hate how it looks like a sunrise.

You hate it even more that you understand why Rose is so charmed.

“Her mom can grow to love me, too.” Crystal eyes look into your own. “There is no place safer than by my side. Stay and we will raise them together. You won’t have to fear disease or death with me. You and Rose will have every little thing you could ever want. Forever.”

You don’t want your child to be co-patented by this selfish megalomaniac, who is the killer of her father. But. Then you stop to consider what you have been through until now. Nightmare after nightmare; this vicious cycle does not look like it will be broken. One thing or another will haunt you and hunt you wherever you go. You don’t want that life for Rose.

You won’t accept that life for Rose.

“…we will stay. But you can forget that part about me growing any fonder of you than I am now.”

Miranda nods, but something in her expression is so damn cocky you want to smack her. “Oh, what’s that, Rose? You can tell your mother is lying, too? My genius girl.”

Your jaw drops. She is my genius girl!

Miranda then touches your chin and tilts it up. You don’t want to be any closer to the gorgeous fucking witch, but when she stops there, hovering just over your mouth for a skipped heartbeat, looking down at you with those crystalline eyes of hers, you’re paralyzed.

Her lips slide over your own for just one slick, hot second. When she pulls back, she caresses Rose’s cheek and winks at you.

“I hate you.” you say, yet it holds no real bite. God, you’re exhausted.

“That’s alright. We have all the time in the world to change that.”

[bvidzsoo]

Downtown

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warnings: sexual situations, swearing and angst 

 Pairing: Kwon Soonyoung x female reader x Hong Joshua

 Word count: 29, 624

 Summary:   You never thought you’d fall for the person you’ve known for almost ten years, but you did know he wasn’t the right person either for you. It was hard getting over him, especially when you were friends with benefits. But then, a mysterious gentleman came along, and changed your world. Suddenly, you knew what you deserved.

 A/N: Holy shit, this feels like it took a year to write, when it was a week and a half? It’s very long, the longest oneshot I’ve written in my whole life so far and I’m proud of it. It’s past 3 am here when I’m posting this, so good night everyone. Don’t forget to leave your feedback, to feed my curious heart. Enjoy now!

     Things weren’t always so complicated. As a child, you only have to worry about your grades and to not disappoint your parents. You go out with your friends, have fun, let loose and have no worries about the cruel world surrounding you. But then you grow up and all sorts of responsibilities are dumped on you; you suddenly don’t know this foreign world. It all feels scary and malicious, ready to take you out, but then you learn. You learn how to be an adult and things aren’t that hard anymore. Except if it comes to your feelings. People always say, ‘we are adults, we have to approach the issue straight on and address it; you have to talk about your feelings without holding anything back’. But that’s always easier said than done. Because I am an adult and yet I still don’t know how to tell the man lying down next to me that I’m in love with him. The room feels hot, skins glistening in the moonlight that comes in through the open window, both of our chests rise quickly, neither one of us having completely come down from our highs. I love it while it’s happening but hate it after it’s over. The sex is amazing with Soonyoung, he knows every inch of my body, he knows what turns me on and what I hate. He never chases his own release; he works for both of us. He’s rough but never to the extent to hurt me or make me uncomfortable. But then it’s over and there come the feelings I try repressing during the day. The want to turn into him and snuggle into his side, legs intertwined, eyes closed as we fall asleep is hard to ignore. Sometimes it happens, but then one of us leaves before the other could wake up. The bed feels empty without him and some mornings it makes me crazy. My sheets carry his scent, the scent I feel around me everywhere; it’s so deeply etched into my own being that it’s simply everywhere. Actions can be scary, but feelings are scarier. I closed my eyes to take another breath before turning my head. Soonyoung’s tongue poked out to lick his dry lips before he turned his head to face me, our dark brown eyes locking onto each other. My heart speed up, could he see it in my eyes? The desperate love I wanted him to see and feel? Or was he the oblivious boy he used to be back in high school? He changed in many aspects, but one thing remained the same: he was the same funny guy I used to hang out with, the same guy who always carried a smile on his lips and hid his real feelings.

Being on time was an issue I tried to fix my whole life. At first, it wasn’t my fault, my dad would never be on time, therefore, I was always late thanks to him. But slowly, after I was independent enough to be on my own, I started noticing that I took on his habit, being late almost everywhere. I overslept my first class today, which would be an issue later on as I have another class with the same teacher, and now I was hurrying down the hallway to try and not be late to my second class as well. And it was going well, until it wasn’t. A hard show sent my arms out and my notebook, book, and pencil case flying to the ground. It took me by surprise as there were few people in the hallway that someone would run into me, there was plenty of space. My eyes fell on the culprit as he carried on his way as if nothing had happened. 

My morning grumpiness got the best of me and I opened my mouth to call out before he could round the corner, “Next time apologize, asshole!”

I bent down to pick up my three things laying on the ground, groaning when the bell rang, now I have to make it inside class before the teacher does. As I stood up once again, a black curly-haired boy stood in front of me. His cheeks were puffy and his eyes sharp and small. He resembled a hamster; it was the boy who ran into me. His uniform wasn’t neat and his left shoe tie was unmade. I glanced over his figure again before making eye contact. His dark eyes had a certain allure to them and I definitely didn’t expect the sudden wide smile he offered me.

“Sorry! I’m kind of in a rush,” He spoke hurriedly, his voice a bit raspy.

“Well, me too, but do you see me running into others when there’s enough space for the both of us in a, now, empty hallway?” I raised my eyebrows expectantly, eyes falling on his name tag. Kwon Soonyoung. I haven’t heard of him before, however, his face is one I would have remembered for sure if I saw it around. Is he new? Or just invisible like me?

“Uh, sorry…” The boy scratched his neck embarrassed as he looked around us, “I overslept, so I’m in a hurry to get to my second class in time--”

“We are already late, so don’t bother” I sighed as I walked around the boy to start my walk, now casual, towards my class. I was for sure late now, the teacher probably inside, there was no need for me to rush anymore.

“You overslept too?” The boy was by my side and I nodded my head wordlessly.

“I’m Kwon Soonyoung!” He extended his hand while we were walking and I looked at him before shaking his hand firmly. He was smiling widely and I offered him a close-lipped smile.

“I’m Lim Y/N” I introduced myself and Soonyoung nodded his head violently.

“I know!” He was excited as he kept grinning, his eyes disappearing completely, cheeks even puffier. I could pinch those cheeks right now.

“Yeah, we have name tags…” I muttered with a chuckle as we rounded the corner.

“No, I know who you are!” My eyes fell on the overly excited boy walking next to me and my eyebrows furrowed. How did he know who I am but I didn’t know who he was?

“Did we meet before?” I asked confused as Soonyoung stopped walking.

“No” He chuckled and looked at a closed-door he was standing in front of, “But we always arrive at the same time to school...well, besides today…”

“Oh” I muttered as I tried to remember his face but couldn’t connect it to his words, “If you say so”

“I’m not well known, but that’s fine” He chuckled as he shrugged his shoulders. I glanced at my wristwatch and figured I should really get to class now.

“I’ll see you around then, I guess,” I said as Soonyoung nodded before knocking on the door he was standing in front of.

“See you” He winked before sliding the door open and stepping inside while bowing. What a weird boy, I thought to myself as I walked down the hallway, finally arriving to my class. I did the same thing Soonyoung did and thanked the heavens the teacher asked no questions.

Our eyes stayed locked as I wondered what Soonyoung was thinking. He looked troubled; eyebrows furrowed as his eyes fell to my lips. My heart rate picked up again and I was ready to refuse a second round, tonight I wasn’t feeling it anymore. But Soonyoung said nothing as he scooted closer and draped an arm around my naked torso, his naked body coming in contact with mine. His skin brushing against mine made me feel like I was on fire, as if a few minutes ago he wasn’t inside me making me feel things only he could. The way our bodies molded together made me almost forget the things I wanted to tell him. I could never truly muster up the courage to tell him that I love him more than a friend, after all, we are just friends. Friends who help each other out in desperate times. I’ve known Soonyoung for almost ten years. 

We met in high school for the first time and quickly became friends, connecting over our similar interests and the fact that we were pretty much invisible to the others, friendless. Soonyoung was always happy and smiling, he quickly became someone I relied on upon and confided in. When he needed someone serious to talk to or just listen to his rants, he knew he had me and that I wouldn’t judge him, as many others did. But then high school was over and we made empty promises to keep in touch throughout college, but I wasn’t too wealthy so I couldn’t attend the same college he chose. And in our second year, Soonyoung transferred to a bigger city to have part of better education, leaving me behind. And slowly like that, our friendship faded into distant happy memories. We both went on with our lives, sending each other birthday wishes when those days came around the year, but never truly did anything to reach out for a real conversation. I figured he was busy and if he really wanted to talk to me, he’d know where to find me. College came to an end after a few years and soon I found myself working in an office where my boss was loathsome, I didn’t last for long there, only a year. And that’s when I found my dream job presented to me. A wedding planner agency, they had a free spot for the interior designing of the places the soon-to-be-wed couple chose. So, I applied and I got the job. Everything went well there, the colleagues were nice and soon I found myself in a friendly relationship with everyone from the office. Our boss was a very nice older lady, hair always in a bun and lips always painted a nice shade of pink. She was always smiling and she always knew how to create a welcoming and pleasant environment for her working place. Maybe that’s what attracted her to Soonyoung so much. He emitted a certain warmness that drew people in, a small always on his face. He was rarely angry, he stayed calm in stressful situations, and he always had a joke for when times became unbearable. So, he got employed. To the same company I have been working for, for five years. And he changed, a lot. His innocent smiles from high school turned into flirty ones. His somewhat raspy voice turned into a full rasp and sultry comments. He got taller too, his body lean and worked. His dark hair didn’t grow much, but the curliness was gone and nowadays a few strands were always falling in his eyes. The puffiness from his cheeks subsided and he became manly looking, his sharp eyes keeping you fixated on a spot if he wanted to. His behavior didn’t change much, except he became more confident and less invisible. Unlike me, throughout the years I turned more into myself and realized I didn’t need people to be close to me, I felt more comfortable being on my own. Maybe it was the fear of getting to know someone more only to be left behind, like it happened with Soonyoung, but I was content. It’s not like I was actively looking for a friendship, even though sometimes I would complain about it to my sister, emphasis on sometimes. But of course, when Soonyoung and I reconciled, things were bound to happen. We weren’t oblivious teenagers anymore, we were adults with certain needs. And somewhere along those lines, we found ourselves in a friend with benefits kind of relationship. I didn’t even know I found Soonyoung attractive until he kissed me behind the club while we went out so that he could take a cigarette break, he’s an amazing dancer, by the way. But now I wish he didn’t kiss me that night, a year ago, because maybe then I wouldn’t feel so choked up by the feelings he makes me feel now. 

“Did you look for decoration for the reception?” Soonyoung’s sleepy voice broke me out of my thoughts. By how slowly he was breathing, I assumed he already fell asleep.

“Sort of,” I mumbled quietly, not fighting the urge to play with his hair anymore, “I can’t decide on the colors”

“What does the bride want?” Soonyoung’s question got muffled when he pressed a kiss between my breasts. 

I sighed and gulped as my heart continued beating violently, “She didn’t specify, but I’m leaning more towards beige” 

“Beige is always a good color choice” Soonyoung muttered as his long fingers ran down the side of my body.

“Yeah” I muttered as I looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm my erratic heart beating. I knew he could hear it, or feel it, and it made me anxious. Would he think it was from the sex or did he know how much these little interactions, touches, actually made me feel? But tonight, I didn’t want to find out, tonight I just wanted to take a hot shower, drown a whole bottle of wine and go to bed, in my own bed.

“I have to head home” I spoke up as I cleared my throat, glancing down at Soonyoung. He groaned as he muzzled his face more into my chest, his hair tickling my breast.

“Did your mom give you a new curfew?” He joked as he lifted his head and gazed at me. I chuckled and rolled my eyes, trying to hide the blush that came onto my cheeks at the view in front of me. I could never get used to the image of Soonyoung after sex. He looked so hot while disheveled. 

“No, but my boss won’t be impressed if I’m late to work--”

“Again” We chorused at the same time, both of us giggling, Soonyoung’s eyes disappearing as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. I quieted down and licked my lips, awaiting his next move. He really didn’t seem like he was about to move, so I nudged him with my leg. 

“Get off, leech, I can’t get up” Soonyoung’s laughter echoed in the quiet room and I shook my head at him, “I’m serious”

“Can’t you just sleep over?” He whined like a little kid and I shook my head, raising to my elbows, closing the distance between our faces. Soonyoung’s breath mixed with mine and I really wanted to lean in and capture his lips with mine, so when he did it first, I hummed contently. I let my eyes fall closed as our lips moved lazily against each other, knowing this was Soonyoung’s way of trying to trick me into staying with him, I didn’t let myself get lost in the feeling of him, even if I wanted to.

“I’m going” I muttered as I tilted my head back, away from Soonyoung’s lips. He just groaned and started kissing my neck instead.

“Stay” He muttered, lazily landing a wet kiss on my jaw, “Please?”

“No.” I said firmly as I lowered my head to look into his eyes. I leaned forwards and pecked his lips quickly before gently pushing him over, letting him fall on his back on the bed.

“Let me drive you home?” He asked as I quickly rose from the bed and found my underwear, putting it on.

“I’ll call for a cab” I answered him as I bent down to pick up my black jeans, feeling his eyes on me.

“With me, you are safer” He argued and I sighed as I threw on my grey sweater, zipping my jeans up.

“I’ll text you when I get home” I found my socks and smiled in victory as one was thrown underneath the bed.

“You better not forget it this time” Soonyoung’s glare was playful as he sat up on his bed, still fully naked. I gave him a pointed look before seeing his briefs at the foot of the bed and throwing it at him.

“You know I probably will and get dressed, you’ll get sick” I scolded him as I went around his bed to close the window and pull the curtains closed.

“You know the old ladies love a good show” He wiggled his ass as he pulled his briefs on and I giggled as I opened the locked door of his bedroom. I was surprised to find the lights on in the kitchen, a very sleepy Jihoon rubbing his eyes as he eyed a carton of milk in the fridge.

“You’re leaving?” He asked surprised, jumping when I accidentally bumped my bag into the table by the bathroom door.

“Yeah, I still have some work to do for tomorrow” I found my boots quickly and pulled them on, shooting Jihoon an apologetic smile, “I hope we didn’t wake you up…”

“Thank God you didn’t, Soonyoung is so loud” He grumbled with a glare and I heard a scoff coming from the living room.

“I know” I whispered with a chuckle and Jihoon shook his head before finally drinking out of the carton of milk.

“Hey! We share that together, can you stop leaving your saliva over everything?!” Soonyoung’s shriek made both Jihoon and I groan as the culprit came marching into the kitchen.

“I bought this with my own money!” Jihoon turned his back to Soonyoung when he tried taking the carton of milk from him. 

“It’s late, can’t you two be less noisy? I’m sure the family living underneath doesn’t appreciate you screaming at night…” I threw them a glance as I unlocked my phone and ordered a cab through the app, pulling my leather jacket on. 

“If you want to scold us, just leave already, mother” I flicked Soonyoung off as I unlocked the front door and opened it, poking my head back in.

“By the way, I love the new color, Jihoon” I whispered with a smile, the newly dyed blonde giving me an appreciative thumbs up. Soonyoung’s amused smile slowly slipped from his lips before he marched over, I didn’t miss the subtle glare thrown Jihoon’s way, and he went to playfully show the door in my face.

“Good night” He mumbled quietly, a softness rarely heard enveloping his voice.

“Night, Soo” I winked before turning around and heading for the stairs, ignoring the longing to turn around and crawl back into bed with him.

   Soonyoung was right, the color beige is always a good choice. I stared at the reception in front of me decorated in beige colors, a proud smile slipping on my lips. The fairy lights around the tables gave the room a dreamy feel and the flowers on each table brought a touch of freshness. The bride and groom were yet to arrive so my nerves were still over the roof. It was always hard and nerve-wracking when it came to decorating a place to other’s likes, even if all were discussed in detail. 

“Breathtaking, as always” The male voice whispered in my ear and I cringed away from Soonyoung. He was wearing his usual dark blue suit, rings decorating his fingers, and loose strands of black hair falling in his eyes.

“I told you to don’t do that here” I threw a glare at him as I took off between the aisles of tables and chairs. I heard Soonyoung chuckle behind me and I tried to ignore the sudden jump of my heart. I missed him even though I just saw him yesterday. 

“It’s just us here, Y/N, relax” Soonyoung took a different route as he bent down and started examining the silverware. 

“Half of the decoration team is here, Soonyoung, please” I rolled my eyes as I found a stray napkin on one table and picked it up.

“That’s Hana’s fault” Soonyoung’s voice turned stern as he came up beside me.

“Go easy on her, she’s been here for a month only” I pressed the napkin into his chest as clapping came from behind us. I turned around with a smile and headed towards our boss, her lips in a wide smile.

“This is spectacular, Y/N, you’ve been working for me for so long yet you surprise me each time!” She exclaimed as she looked around the room, patting Soonyoung’s arm when he came up beside me, napkin stuffed in his pocket now.

“Thank you, Mrs. Choi” I bowed my head and she walked past us, stopping by a table.

“Did you bring the cameras, Soonyoung?” She asked as she leaned down a bit to arrange the flowers in the vase.

“Everything is set, Mrs. Choi, we are waiting for the bride and groom” He answered her back smoothly, sending me a wink. I rolled my eyes as the clicking of heels caught my attention. Kim Yerim, dressed in all pink, came waltzing inside with her blonde hair in two pigtails. My eyes widened before I sighed, looking back at Mrs. Choi and Soonyoung.

“Morning!” She greeted in the loudest voice ever and came to a stop next to me, “Damn! This place is fucking awesome!”

I threw Yerim a look before I sighed again, pointing at her outfit, “Are you headed to Disneyland or something?” 

“I look like a princess, don’t I?” She giggled excited, twirling around in a slow pirouette. I pushed her shoulder playfully.

“More like a Barbie doll” Soonyoung walked up to us with a smirk on his lips, eyes traveling over Yerim’s body. I gulped as I looked at the wall ahead, trying to ignore the sudden fire that was ignited inside my body. Of course, Soonyoung flirts with every female from work, even Mrs. Choi sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not bothered by it every time he does it. In fact, I hate it. How he just so casually compliments other women with his flirty tone, looking them up and down; and I know they feel weak in the knees; how he just so casually winks at everyone or the playful touches, especially with Yerim. I like Yerim, a lot, she’s eccentric, much like Soonyoung, and she’s fun to hang out with. She swears a lot, but that’s something everyone already got used to, yet I can never brush aside the want to grab her by her silky blonde hair and smash her head against a wall. Sometimes she wears something overly sexy just because she likes the attention from Soonyoung, and I know because she confessed to it some time ago while we were on a coffee break in the recreation room. I wanted to throw my coffee at her when I heard her words. Very mature, I know.

“Guess you could be my Ken for tonight?” Yerim raised her eyebrows, a smirk crossing her lips and my jaw clenched when Soonyoung chuckled airily, leaning a bit closer to her.

“Just for tonight?” I wanted to kick him, drag him away by his hair, gag his mouth with toilet paper, and scream at him that I love him, that I want him, that he’s mine. But instead, I took a deep breath and exhaled quietly, trying to put on an amused smile and smooth out the venomous tone wanting to come through.

“You can sort out your business after we are done here,” I gripped Yerim’s arm a bit too harshly and turned her around, “Because the bride just arrived and you need to dress her up for the photoshoot”

“Fuck, she’s here?” Yerim exclaimed, “I gotta run to the car to bring in the clothes, catch you later!”

I shook my head as Soonyoung giggled while we watched Yerim run away in her pink stiletto heels. Mrs. Choi was still at the front, sorting out the name tags for the tables.

“Go do your job, Mr. Kwon” I turned to Soonyoung with raised eyebrows and he did a mocking salute before glancing back to see what Mrs. Choi was doing.

“Yes, ma’am, yes” Then he took a step closer and my eyes widened when he squeezed my ass, “I want to bend you over and fuck you against one of those tables, this dress fits your body in all the right places”

I bit my lower lip, staring into Soonyoung’s hooded eyes as his gaze dropped to my lips. Yes, I think I would like that proposition a lot, but then the words he said to Yerim rang through my head and the heat I felt was suddenly gone. Right, we are at work.

“Just...do your job, Soonyoung” I muttered breathless, pushing him away gently. He groaned as he took a glance at my lips again then walked out, leaving me with Mrs. Choi. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my foggy mind, organize my messy thoughts. Sometimes I wish I never agreed to this whole madness with Soonyoung. 

“Dear, I think you messed up a few names, come check it out!” Mrs. Choi called from the front of the room and I started walking towards her with a sigh.

“Coming now!”

       Pictures and pictures lay endlessly on my big counter in the kitchen, laptop pushed to the side and wine glass in my hands. Yesterday’s reception went amazingly, the bride and groom were in love with how I decorated the place and earlier today I was assigned another couple. They’ve been together for half a year only and they were pretentious. They had a sophisticated taste and every little detail mattered. They even instructed me to place five white pearls on each table, not more not less. It was challenging and my headache was turning stronger as I kept staring at various pictures of what I could do for the reception. I’ve been working in this field for a long time now, but some clients were indeed special. Special enough to give me a headache, that is. I groaned as I pushed the picture of the reception, that I did last year, beach themed, and placed my wine glass down, far away from my laptop and pictures. It wasn’t even that tiring, yet I felt like I haven’t slept in days. My brain was restless. It wanted me to tell Soonyoung everything, to confess finally. My chest felt heavy every time I had to look at him flirting with other women, draining a great deal of my energy. I want to confess, badly, but I’m scared. He’s so good at concealing his feelings, that I genuinely can’t even predict his reaction. Would he be surprised? Would he be angry? Would he laugh at me? Would he tell me he already knew? Would he tell me…he feels the same? Countless and countless scenarios ran through my mind as I quickly slapped my cheeks and looked back down at the pictures. Focus, Y/N, your job is more important than your feelings right now. The bride wanted purple colored decoration but the groom something orange. Now, these two colors would look hideous together but somehow, we have to make them work. How? That’s what I’m currently trying to work out. Maybe use purple decoration and put orange flowers here and there? Maybe use orange pearls? No, she pointed out she wanted white ones. What if I use white and orange ones? That wouldn’t look too bad. What if I decorate the bride and groom’s table orange and the rest purple? That shouldn’t look so bad. I should talk to Soonyoung first, see what his ideas are. After all, we are partners when it comes to our work, we do it together. We were supposed to be doing this together right now, actually, but something urgent came up and Soonyoung had to cancel. Something so urgent that he couldn’t even tell me about it, that hasn’t happened before. We are friends, first of all, we tell each other most things. As I reached for my glass of wine, my phone pinged, alerting me that I had a message. From Soonyoung, I knew because he has a different ringtone. I reached for my phone and opened it up as I took a small sip of my wine. I almost finished what I had poured out in my glass.

From Soonyoung: Be there in ten!

My eye widened as I nearly dropped my glass. Be here in ten? What does he mean? He can’t just come over like that! I’m not in the mood to get laid tonight, I actually have a lot of work to do! And he has too, what is he thinking?!

To Soonyoung: No, you can’t come over!

The response was almost immediate.

From Soonyoung: Too late, I’m two blocks away.

To Soonyoung: Don’t drive and text you idiot!

My heart started beating erratically as my eyes scanned my apartment. Shit! It’s a mess! I quickly hopped of from the stool and ran into my bedroom to put on a lacey bra. Maybe I can convince him to leave me alone tonight and actually get some work done together. I quickly pulled my hair in a low messy bun and ran back out to my living room. I quickly arranged the pillows on my sofa and turned off the TV, which was on for some background noise. I groaned as my eyes fell on the leftover pizza, that I left on the coffee table, the box too big for me to quickly throw away so I took it in my hands and walked to my counter and dropped it off behind it. No, you shouldn’t put food on the floor, am I desperate enough to do it? Yes. My kitchen was open so there was no wall separating my living room from it, just the counter. Before I could do anything else, I heard the turn of a key and the lock unlocking as Soonyoung came into view. I quickly put on a small smile, trying not to fidget much as my heart continued to beat quickly. I could never get enough of seeing him. It’s always as if it’s the first time. He takes my breath away. I gulped as I watched him take his shoes off at the entrance and he closed the front door, not locking it. Is this a quick visit then? Does he have an idea and he just quickly wants to give me the sketch? He wouldn’t have taken off his shoes then, or come over, he would have just done it tomorrow at work.

“So, what are you doing here?” I cleared my throat before speaking and Soonyoung looked at me with a wide grin. He looked so happy and enthusiastic that I couldn’t help it and returned the smile, with less energy though.

“Let’s sit down first!” He giggled as he skipped towards my grey sofa from the living room and I raised my eyebrows as I followed him, tugging on the sleeves of my oversized sweater. Soonyoung’s hands were crossed as he leaned his elbows forward on his knees and I sat next to him, a bit rigidly, as I waited for him to speak. I wanted to scoot a tiny little bit closer, to feel his body heat. He was like a magnet, always pulling me closer and closer until there was no space left between us. It was always so hard to not touch him when we were together. I always found somehow an excuse to lay my hands on him. Even if it was just the small action of smoothing down his shirt or collar of his coat.

“So…” He trailed off as he turned serious and I gulped. Did he figure it out? Does he know I love him? What’s with the sudden seriousness? He definitely isn’t here for sex. He would be undressing me by now if that was the case.

“So…” I trailed off, trying to get him to talk but patience laced my voice, to let him know it was okay if he needed time to word his thoughts.

“I’m going to be just plain forward, simple and honest.” He turned his head so that our brown eyes could look into each other’s, and I gulped loudly. Tonight, I fall, tonight he tells me he knew all along and that he can’t return the feelings. And that’s heart wrenching but perhaps even alright. I understand.

“I have a girlfriend” Silence, that’s what followed his words. Deafening silence. The sentence, ‘I have a girlfriend’, echoed through my mind as if he said it again. I gulped and smoothed out my face, no reaction.

“You have a girlfriend?” My voice was composed, sincere and curious. I even smiled, giggling inside. Soonyoung has a girlfriend? I silenced my thoughts, almost screaming at them to shut up, as Soonyoung opened his mouth to speak again.

“Yes” His voice was so quiet, he looked shocked. I was the one feeling shocked actually. My smile widened and for some reason, the way Soonyoung was watching me, made me feel like I was crazy.

“That’s amazing! I never thought I’d hear you saying those words!” I chuckled as I went to reach out and squeeze his hand, but stopped myself and instead scratched my thigh as if it started itching. He has a girlfriend, I can’t touch him, not anymore.

“Yeah-yeah…” Soonyoung breathed, gulping almost speechless as he continued watching me like a hawk, “It finally happened, I guess. It’s out of the blue, I know, but…yeah.”

“Damn, it is out of the blue!” I exclaimed and crossed one leg over the other, trying to hide my trembling hands as I slid them between my thighs, “But…you know, we are back to being friends. Just friends, Soonyoung”

Soonyoung’s jaw clenched at my words and I almost frowned as I bit my lower lip nervously, scared it would start trembling as well. My whole body was on the verge of trembling, my heart was thumping so loudly I was afraid I wouldn’t hear Soonyoung’s response.

“Just friends?” He whispered but then caught himself and cleared his throat, “Yeah! We are great friends, aren’t we?”

“Bestest friends, Soonyoung” I laughed, tears almost pooling up in my eyes, almost, “Since high school, eh?”

“Yeah, who would’ve thought…” Soonyoung shrugged his shoulders before abruptly standing up, “I have to work on the interior design, I didn’t get to do any work yet”

My eyes fell on my packed counter and my eyes remained glued to it. I didn’t want to look at Soonyoung anymore, I felt sick. Nauseous. I wanted to grab my glass of wine and throw it at him, but I forced myself to turn my head back and stare him in the eyes.

“You better, I’m almost finished with my ideas. Just drop off your sketches in my office tomorrow morning” Soonyoung nodded as he sniffed and glanced around my apartment before his eyes fell on my body, running all over it. I hated it; I hate him. Because I knew what he was thinking by the way his eyes darkened.

“You’re wearing my favorite hoodie” His voice was quiet and lower as he licked his lips and I walked up to him and quickly hugged him, but there was no force in my arms, no passion whatsoever.

“It’s late, I’m tired since I worked all day. See you tomorrow, Soonyoung” I didn’t give him time to reciprocate the hug and pulled away as I walked to the front door and grabbed the handle. Soonyoung smiled, but it didn’t look genuine at all, as he walked next to me and took on his shoes. His body was so close to mine that I could feel his warmness, his intoxicating scent. His eyes narrowed when he rose back up, scrutinizing me as my smile widened.

“Good night, then” He stepped out as I opened the door for him.

“Good night!” I watched him walk towards the elevator and push the button to order it up. He turned his head a little and I waved cutely at him, watching him as he boarded the elevator once it arrived. The doors closed and Soonyoung was gone from my vision. Disgust flooded my body as I closed my door slowly, the clicking of one lock feeling like a scream in my quiet apartment. The second lock, however, set everything off. The second turn of the lock, made my heart explode into a million pieces. My heart was glass and that glass just exploded into so many tiny pieces, that it would never be mended back together. It needs to be thrown away and replaced. But you can’t throw away a heart just like that. My hands startled trembling violently as I finally let my body do whatever it wanted. I was alone, I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. My thoughts, the ones I screamed at to stay silent, suddenly came back screaming at me. ‘I have a girlfriend’, it made me chuckle. Because, really, it’s very hilarious! How did I never notice?! Then it turned into a giggle, because, honestly, we are best friends! How did it slip through my fingers? How did I not see it sooner? Wait, why did he never tell me? And suddenly, I was sobbing. Tears were flowing down my cheeks so quickly that there was no reason for me to wipe them away, new ones would replace them. I leaned against the wall as my body curled into a ball as much as it could while standing. My thoughts screamed continuously: ‘This is your fault! Why did you not tell him earlier? Why are you sobbing right now? It’s disgusting what you are doing, please stop! You are such a fucking idiot, Y/N! He has a girlfriend.’

My head started throbbing worse and I straightened up and glanced around, eyes falling on the bottle of wine. My throat felt dry, my eyes were burning and there was definitely snot coming out of my nose, a bit salty, as I wiped it away with the sleeve of my sweater. Disgusting, I’ll have to wash it tomorrow. I grinned as I walked up to the counter and took the bottle in my hands, examining it. Rosé, my favorite. What a perfect timing to get fucking wasted. I sat on the stool and raised the bottle, pouring as much of the alcohol that I could in my mouth without choking myself. Suddenly then I realized that the throbbing of my head wasn’t the worst feeling I was feeling right now. Oh no. It was the hollowness in my chest that made me choke up and start another downpour of tears. It was so foreign yet so familiar. Turns out, I’ve always felt like this when it came to Soonyoung, just not this intensely. I wanted to rip my hair out, to kick someone, to scream at Soonyoung. How could he play with my heart so much without knowing what he was doing? Why did I allow him to do that? Why did I go so deep that I allowed him to make me feel like this? Like what? Like utter garbage, like the leftover you get disgusted by when you look at it, like that present you get from your aunt and you hate but you have to pretend you like? And disgust. It was so powerful, I wanted to scrub it all away. I glared at the last place where Soonyoung stood not so long ago and took off towards the window, forcefully opening it to get rid of his scent. I have to wash myself and every single clothing and bed sheet he’s ever touched. I have to clean everything. I have to clean myself.

        The next morning, I looked worse than what I felt like. My eyes were burning, still, puffy and even red. My nose was red and my upper lip swollen. I looked horrible and I panicked more and more the longer I looked in the mirror. Not even makeup can salvage the way I look, at least not the kind of makeup that I know how to apply. I groaned as I grabbed my phone and dialed the person I wanted to talk to least as first thing in the morning.

“It’s so fucking early! You are lucky I was already awake or else—”

“Good morning” I cut Yerim off with a grunt and the girl just sighed.

“Are you okay?” She asked calmly, realizing how weird this was. I rarely called the girl for anything other than work and I didn’t even tell her yet what I needed.

“Somewhat” I muttered as I tried to tame my wild hair, “Question.”

“Shoot, damn, you’re making me anxious, Y/N!” I rolled my eyes as Yerim shuffled on the other end of the phone.

“Can you do my makeup today?” I asked while chewing on my lower lip, afraid of her reaction.

“Fuck yes! Finally!” Yerim exclaimed and I scrunched my nose up at her loudness, “I’ve been waiting for this my whole life!”

“Okay, cool, I’ll see you in an hour at work!” Before she could say anything else, I quickly hung up and groaned. God damn it, I look horrible! I quickly pulled my wild hair in a high ponytail and got to washing my face, trying to get the swell to go away with cold water. After drinking all the wine, I had in that bottle, I went and took a hot shower, burning my skin because I was drunk and stupid, and then proceeded to cry myself to sleep. I don’t think I have ever before cried so much. My chest felt empty and hollow still, my eyes filled with tears still when I thought of Soonyoung, but I felt lighter. The break down last night wasn’t something pretty but it was better than bottling it up for longer. I already bottled up too many things.

When Yerim saw me, she gasped and probably swore for at least ten minutes, I didn’t check the time. She didn’t ask questions so at least I didn’t have to come up with a stupid excuse, but she scolded me every five minutes and kept saying she’d have to come over to give my skin a treatment after I dared to destroy it last night. I was itching to ask her if she had a treatment for my broken heart as well, but I didn’t. I would sound bitter and I didn’t want to explain myself. Today, I wanted to be left alone. By everyone. I wanted to close my eyes every time Soonyoung passed by, I wanted to block out his voice, his flirty and annoying remarks. I just wanted to work on the design for the upcoming reception, but for that I needed to see Soonyoung. And I didn’t want to do that, so I postponed our meeting. We have a whole month until the reception, I don’t have to rush myself so much right now. I need at least a week to recover.

But that was a lie. A week turned into a week and five days. It was finally Friday and I’d be free for the next two days. I could do some touch up on the sketches Soonyoung left in my office last week and finally organize a meeting where we can talk about all the little important details. I still wasn’t ready to just face him, but I had to suck it up. We are adults, aren’t we? I might as well start acting like it, but only starting from next Monday. Today, I shall still wallow in my pain and ignore Soonyoung as best as I can. Which is starting to become harder and harder as his text are becoming more and more overwhelming. I could brush him off for one week, making it seem like I was actually busy with work and not dying a little bit more every night while I watched my favorite movie, ate mint chocolate ice cream and drank wine to wash away the hollowness in my chest. It didn’t even work, it just made it worse for the next day when I looked in the mirror and saw how messy and unkept I looked. I didn’t exactly care but I knew I had to stop being a baby when even Mrs. Choi voiced her concerns about my well-being. I didn’t even know others could see my suffering. Everyone but Soonyoung, who would happily waltz into my office from time to time and tell me random things, which used to entertain me before, but now they were just pissing me off. I wanted to smash his face in, but I couldn’t.

  I was quietly enjoying my coffee in the recreation room when another person entered, making me sigh to myself quietly. I’d have to make conversation again, lovely. But as I turned to face the incomer, my breath caught in my throat and my heart thudded in a dull way. Soonyoung was standing close to me, staring me in the eyes intently, with his eyes narrowed. I gulped and quickly raised the mug to my lips to take a big sip of my coffee, finding it as an excuse to break eye contact.

“Okay, what’s happening with you?” Soonyoung asked when I loudly slurped the coffee, voice angry. My eyes widened as I looked at him, taken aback by his sudden anger. He was rarely angry; it took a lot to piss of Kwon Soonyoung.

I gulped and shrugged as I side stepped him, putting distance between our bodies, “I don’t know. Nothing?”

He was only standing so close to me to intimidate me, to make me tell him what he wanted to know. But I wouldn’t do what he wanted anymore, we were over that. I wasn’t going to bend to his wishes so easily anymore.

“How’s your girlfriend doing?” I asked with a smile, trying not to cringe at the word ‘girlfriend’ and to keep an even tone.

“Pretty well, don’t change the subject” Soonyoung snapped and I dropped my fake happy smile.

“I didn’t” I muttered and continued to slurp my coffee loudly, realizing it was pissing Soonyoung off more. It was actually quite entertaining to watch him clench and unclench his jaw while he glared at my mug, who knew such little action could tick him off!

“Yes, you did and stop slurping that God damn coffee like a five-year-old!”

“Woah, woah, there, horsy! What’s got your knickers in a twist?” I asked with a snicker and Soonyoung opened his mouth lightning fast but he closed it a second later. He took a deep breath and his eyes softened. My heart skipped a beat, the broken pieces becoming a bit more broken if that’s possible, and I tried to look away from his face but our eyes were glued together.

“I don’t know what’s happening with you, but you barely speak to me nowadays” Soonyoung spoke quietly, leaning against the counter defeated. Shit, guilt enveloped me as I watched his tired face, “Your responses to my text messages are dry, you don’t hang out with me anymore and you always throw me out of your office when I have something to rant about! Why are you ignoring me?!”

I lowered my mug on the table that was between us and tried to push down the sudden urge to walk up to him and hug him tightly and apologize, “I know, I just…I’m so busy. These clients are really making me work hard. I mean, their color combination is horrible and we have to make it work somehow. I’m also trying to match the decoration to your sketches, while trying to find a fitting set for the photoshoot. I guess I just got really busy suddenly. But when we are done with these clients we can—uh, hang out…”

“Hang out, yeah” Soonyoung whispered as he looked down at the ground and I bit my lip nervously. It’s not like what I said was a total lie, “Jihoon misses you, you should come hang out with us sometime when you decide to rest even for a second”

Jihoon misses me. Only Jihoon? Jihoon and I aren’t even friends, we just know each other because he’s Soonyoung’s flat mate and because I would go over to have sex with Soonyoung almost daily. I wanted to hear Soonyoung saying he misses me, I wanted him to tell me he can’t live without me, that his heart breaks every day more as we spend less and less time together. This is just like the first time we grew apart, but a lot more painful. Back then I thought I only lost a friend, now I feel like I lost a piece of myself as well.

“I’ll see when I finally get to rest” I smiled at Soonyoung again before quickly leaving the room, leaving a solemn Soonyoung behind. Unlike me, he radiated more and more as days went by. His smile was wider than ever, his laughter louder than before. He even stopped flirting so obviously with the other women, especially Yerim, and it made me think how serious his relationship must be. He never spoke about it, but the little changes said enough. Or at least the little changes he wanted us to see, his real feelings buried deep inside away from everyone’s eyes.

        The day was finally over and I dragged myself home. My apartment quickly became my sanctuary over the past week. Here nobody could bother me if I didn’t let them in and most importantly! I didn’t have to see Soonyoung! If before I couldn’t wait to see Soonyoung, now I can’t wait to get away and ignore him. It’s not the best way to deal with things, I’m further ruining our friendship, but it’s the only way I can cope. For now, I’ll just ignore him for as long as I can, and once I get over him, I can tell him why I did what I did. He would understand me, for sure, and hopefully even forgive me. If I thought before, that I think too much about Soonyoung, ever since he told me he has a girlfriend I feel like I’m obsessed with him. I’m constantly thinking of him and all the if’s that could have been. It’s not healthy and I keep telling myself to stop, but it’s really hard. I want to be the one he hugs and whispers his lame jokes to when cuddling in bed. I want to be the one who gets to wake up to him next to me every morning and cook together breakfast that will be burnt in the end. I want to be the one who’d argue with him for having a messy room, and I want to be with him and plan a future, our future. But I’m not and that thought drives me into craziness and I just want to run into a wall and let my body fall crushed to the ground. But I can’t do all those, I have to live my life. This is just another cruel joke that life has to offer me and so far, I’m not taking it well at all. Jokes are supposed to be funny.

Surprisingly enough, ever since I became pretty much depressive, I found the little motivation hidden deep inside to clean up my apartment and cook daily! My apartment hasn’t been this clean ever since I stopped living with my parents, I made great effort to keep it crystal clear. I even started calling Yerim almost daily to ask her for new recipes, apparently, she’s an amazing cook! I never knew all the cookies she brough to work were cooked by her! It’s as if the suffering Soonyoung caused me has opened my eyes to a new world, in which he didn’t play that much part, and that world, as painful as it was, was actually much better and liberating. But my high spirits were crushed when I opened one cupboard and saw I had no pasta…or sauce for the pasta. I then thought of ditching home cooked dinner but then I opened my fridge and realized I drank all the wine last night. Damn it! I groaned loudly as I turned around and quickly hopped into my white sneakers and pulled on my brown coat. I must look horrible wearing sweatpants, and a turtle neck with a coat. But the little market is just five minutes away, it’s already 8pm, there’s not many people outside since it’s cold. I locked the front door and instead of taking the elevator and wasting my time by waiting for it, I quickly raced down the seven flight of stairs and left the building, shivering at the cold. I underestimated the weather tonight, I should have worn my thick jacket instead of this coat! But that only urged me to walk faster in order to reach the market and the lovely warmness. The bell chimed loudly, the sound drowned out by the music coming from the stereos, as I pushed the door open and stepped inside. There was no one behind the counter and I looked around, trying to remember where the pasta was last time. The boss of the market has a weird habit of reorganizing the aisles every few weeks, confusing, but I won’t question it. As I passed by the freezers my eyes fell on the wines and I hurried towards them, quickly zeroing out my favorite brand. I took a bottle off the shelf and looked around to find the pasta. It was at the second aisle to my left and I strutted towards it with a victorious smile. However, once I got there, I stopped with furrowed eyebrows. What kind of pasta should I buy? There are so many types, I never understood the logic behind it. Isn’t pasta, pasta? Why do you need so many types? Just make spaghetti and everyone will buy it! Why have penne, tagliatelle, tortilla and all the other types that I don’t even know the names of. I rubbed my chin as my eyes juggled between the tagliatelle and the penne. I want to eat Carbonara tonight, but won’t it be too greasy if I use tagliatelle? Maybe I should just go for penne. But penne are so small! I sighed as I took a step back and continued to think of which one to choose, playing with the bottle of wine in my hands. I was so lost in thought that I almost didn’t notice the guy slowly inching closer and closer, eyes focused on the products that were displayed on the shelf. If I wouldn’t have stepped back when I did, he definitely would’ve crushed my toes.

“Oh” He whispered at my sudden movement, eyes widening. My lips formed a thin line as I looked at him wordlessly, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there”

“Yeah, I figured” I mumbled as I watched from the corner of my eye as he bowed his head a little bit. He had light brown hair and it was falling all over his forehead in little waves. I ignored the stranger as I looked back at the different types of pasta and just sighed. But my sigh was louder than I expected, in fact, I realized, the stranger looked just as defeated as I felt. Hearing my sigh caught his attention as I saw him glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

“You have trouble choosing one?” I found myself asking as I glanced at the stranger again from the corner of my eye. He was quick to look away, but his slightly pink cheeks indicated the fact that he knew I caught him staring.

“Yeah!” The guy chuckled, his voice light and melodic. It carried a warmness that unwillingly brought a smile to my lips.

“You’ve been standing here for longer than me, though” He spoke up again, an amused smile crossing his lips as he looked at me, “You must be more troubled”

“Yeah!” I nodded, finally facing him fully. His eyes were big and I felt like he was smiling at me just with his eyes, as his lips now were in a pout. He was dressed casually and I couldn’t help but laugh when his outfit registered in my mind. His eyes widened a bit as he looked at me and I quickly shook my head.

“Nothing’s funny—I mean, I’m not laughing at you!” I quickly said before he could misunderstand furthermore, “Your outfit, it’s just—before I left my apartment, I thought how hideous I look wearing sweatpants with a coat.”

The handsome stranger looked down at his outfit and then back at me, his eyes wide again, “I know, right?! My friend would be horrified if he saw me dressed like this!”

I giggled and nodded my head quickly, realizing Yerim would’ve skinned me alive, “Mine wouldn’t have appreciated it either”

“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow and I almost choked when I realized the sudden warmness on my cheeks was me blushing. Since when do I speak to strangers? Wait, no, since when does a stranger make me blush by such little action? Well, I can’t blame myself too much, this stranger is really eye catching. He’s handsome, I mean, really, handsome.

“So…did you decide yet on what pasta you want?” He cleared his throat as he looked away sheepishly, and I wanted to think it was because he saw my blush and became shy. This stranger wasn’t just handsome, he was actually really cute. And it’s weird how his voice solely made me feel safe, I don’t even know him. But something about his whole demeanor screams safety and lots of warmness. I can imagine what a day would feel like with him. Lots of giggles and laughter, and good time spent well together.

“I don’t understand why there’s so many types. Wasn’t one enough? Why do I have to choose one? What’s their purpose?” The stranger started laughing as I sulkily stared at the shelf, glaring at the pasta. Suddenly something warm spread through my chest hearing his laughter again, and I blushed, again.

“Well, if it helps, I don’t know either, but I choose penne” He stepped forward and grabbed a pack of penne before turning around to face me.

“I think I’m going with the same choice…” I muttered as I followed his previous actions and turned to face him once I had the pack in my right hand, left holding the wine. I made sure to leave a respectable amount of space between us, even though I wouldn’t have minded being a bit closer to him. He had an innocent sort of lure that was getting harder to ignore.

“I’m Joshua.” After a few seconds of silence, the stranger, Joshua, spoke up. His name rolled down effortlessly his tongue, articulating the name with a perfect American accent. I blushed and I almost slapped my own cheek in front of this handsome man—Joshua.

“I’m Y/N,” I squeaked out once I realized I stayed quiet for too long, “Uhm—your name it’s—uh…you’re a foreigner?”

I wanted to dig my own grave as I stuttered over my own words, my cheeks becoming warmer as a sweet smile appeared on Joshua’s lips. Many would have been amused by my reaction, but he looked understanding, like he wasn’t bothered by me asking.

“Sort of,” He started explaining and I raised my eyebrows at his answer, “I grew up in LA, but I moved back when I was around ten years old”

“Oh,” I nodded in understanding and Joshua scratched the back of his neck, “Explains the subtle accent”

He chuckled and now it was his turn to blush and I had to bite my lip to not smile so widely, “Yeah, well—you could call me Jisoo too. But I might not react to that name…”

“I think Joshua fits you, it’s a pretty name” A pretty name for a pretty boy, I almost continued aloud, feeling just as flustered as Joshua looked.

“Thank you” He mumbled quietly and I cleared my throat and motioned for us to start walking.

“You live in the neighborhood?” I asked as we walked towards the cashier.

“No, but my friend does” Joshua answered with a shake of his head and I hummed, glancing at him again. He was attention capturing, my thoughts were suddenly silenced. I was only focused on him, a sudden calmness overtaking me, calmness I haven’t felt in long. Even the hollowness in my chest felt subsided. And he’s just a stranger, he made me feel like that in the ten minutes we interacted. Could he make me feel more if we were to spend more time together? With the sudden surge of confidence and curiosity, I opened my mouth to speak up again.

“Do you want to exchange phone numbers?” Joshua stopped walking and he turned to look at me shocked. I examined his face to see if I made him uncomfortable, but he only looked surprised, “It’s fine if you don’t want to, Joshua”

“No! I actually want to!” He quickly spoke up and fished his phone out of his pocket at lightning speed. I smiled and took it in my hands, his phone unlocked already, as I went to his contacts to type in my number.

“I left my phone at home so you’ll have to text me first” I said with a wink as I handed his phone back after I saved my number, “I really hope you’ll text me…”

Joshua giggled as he quickly worked something on his phone, his fingers working fast before he was showing the phone’s screen to me.

To Y/N: Hi, this is Joshua. I promise I’m not a creep, can you promise me the same thing?

I laughed quietly as I nodded my head when Joshua put his phone away, “I can promise you that I’m not a creep.”

“Good.” He grinned and placed his items on the counter, “As much as I’d like to spend some more time with you right now, Minghao isn’t a very patient person, and we are hungry too”

“Oh, yes, sure! Wouldn’t want to hold you back from having dinner” I placed my own items on the counter as Joshua paid for his purchase. The cashier scanned my wine and penne before she placed the items in a bag.

“I hope you’ll answer my text, I’m not very patient when it comes to texting…” Joshua said in a teasing manner as he held the door open for me, we walked out together after I paid.

“Give me five minutes” I chuckled as we stopped in front of the shop, shivering as the cold breeze passed underneath our coats.

“I’ll give you ten” Joshua smiled a bit and I chuckled before biding him goodbye and quickly hurrying home. I wasn’t even that hungry anymore, I just wanted to talk to Joshua. I was giddy and breathless by the time I made it up to my apartment, having ran up seven flight of stairs. It felt like all my worries were gone as I looked forward to texting Joshua, a good feeling spreading through my body.

        It only took us two days to agree on going on a date. It was the fastest someone has taken me out on a date after getting to know me. But during those two days, Saturday and Sunday, I felt like I’ve known Joshua for my whole life. He was really funny, in a very innocent way meanwhile Soonyoung’s energy always drained me. However, Joshua, he knew how to balance out being serious but funny at the same time. Sometimes he would make snarky comments and I didn’t fail to notice his mischievous nature. He liked to play pranks on his friends, I found out after he told me a story of him pranking his two friends at work. His boss wasn’t very impressed with Joshua but he likes him too much to fire him for such petty thing, and it was April 1st. Joshua worked as a banker in the city center, half an hour away from my own office. He likes to take long walks in his free time, he likes going on little trips in the country, rides his bicycle every Saturday in the forest on the outskirts of the city, he likes playing the guitar and watching movies when he’s feeling stressed. We agreed on doing a movie night the next time he gets stressed. I felt like a high school girl when talking to Joshua. My heart would start beating faster every time my phone alerted me that I had a new message and I would be really disappointed when it was just a simple notification and not Joshua texting me. However, he did keep his word about being an impatient texter. He really didn’t make me wait with his replies and if he was busy, he’d tell me, so that I knew why he wasn’t able to answer me right away. On Friday, the day we met in the shop, we stayed up until 3 am texting. I would burst out laughing every five minutes, maybe it was from the wine in my system, but everything Joshua said that night seemed to be overly funny. He told me he’s never seen someone looking so serious while shopping for pasta, neither did he think someone would get frustrated over such topic: ‘why are there so many types’. My cheeks flared up when he confessed telling his friend, Minghao, that he took so long to arrive back to his apartment because he was talking to a chick who was angry at pasta. He also said, Minghao’s words, “that he can’t believe Joshua was able to pick up a girl looking dressed like that”. I had to agree with Minghao and Joshua feigned hurt for a good ten minutes, ten minutes that I wouldn’t stop laughing because wasn’t Minghao right? Even I thought we looked ridiculous dressed like that. It was hard to put my phone aside and focus on my work, work that I tried pushing to the back of my mind, because it reminded me of Soonyoung. And Joshua made me feel so good and happy, that even the thought of thinking of Soonyoung infuriated me. I didn’t want to see him or think of him, I didn’t want the hollowness in my chest to return, the frustrating thoughts and wondering of what could have been, I wanted peace and happiness. Joshua offered me those and I tried to focus on them while working, even if it was hard. Soonyoung hasn’t texted me for three days now, and I would lie if I said I didn’t hope he’d do it. I missed him, again, and I missed him badly. I wanted to cuddle up next to him in bed and whine about the horrible color choices the bride and groom made. That I couldn’t handle this task without him, that I could barely handle myself without him. But I refused to do that, I realized it was unhealthy and I realized Soonyoung truly does see me as his best friend and I’m ruining the friendship we tried so badly to restore once we met again at work. I was selfish for ignoring him, but I couldn’t think of any other coping way. His words still hurt me, his words like poison to my heart. But Joshua…he made it all go away. He pulled me in and made me think of the present only and the feelings he was giving me. No Soonyoung, no pain. That’s why I decided Joshua deserved a chance, I deserved a chance. Soonyoung was happy, then why wouldn’t I be too? Why limit myself to a man who didn’t see me the way I see him? It was time to mature and move on.

My smile spread from ear to ear as I read the text from Joshua, ‘Good morning, cutie ^^’, while I brushed my teeth. I slept well last night but now my stomach wouldn’t stop grumbling. And it wasn’t because I didn’t have breakfast yet, it was because in an hour I’d be on a date with Joshua. Our very first date, and hopefully there is many more to come. I quickly sent back a good morning text and did my morning routine. Once I was dressed in a nice dark green, form fitting, dress that reached my ankles, I grabbed my purse and folder that I needed for later for the meeting. My red high heels clicked loudly as I descended the stairs, I might hate elevators because they kind of make me feel claustrophobic. I quickly got into my car once I got outside, shivering at the cold morning breeze. Joshua had a tight schedule this week and so did I, it was my own fault really for postponing the meeting with Soonyoung for so long, so we agreed on having a breakfast date at the coffee shop that’s closest to both of our workplaces. The car ride to the coffee shop didn’t take as long as I expected, today’s traffic wasn’t so bad, that was a first. So, I got there earlier and decided to wait in front of the coffee shop, but to my surprise, Joshua was already waiting at the front entrance. I quickly hurried up and hearing my high heels, Joshua turned towards me and smiled. A wide smile appeared on my own lips as I stopped in front of him, cheeks warming up when he pulled me in a short but warm hug. We greeted each other shyly and Joshua opened the door for me, both of us shivering once we were inside and enveloped in warmness.

“What would you like?” Joshua’s eyebrows rose as he turned towards me.

“One tall Caramel Macchiato and a croissant sandwich.” I answered and Joshua nodded before walking to the front counter. I looked around and chose a seat that was next to the wall, a pretty painting of flowers hung above the table. There weren’t many people in the shop right now as it was early and most people were already at work, thankfully, our schedules started later on the day. We had two hours before we had to head to work.

“Here” Joshua whispered more to himself as he placed down a tray in front of me, my order on it. I thanked him and helped him with his own tray, taking it from him and placing it on the table as he took his coat off and hung it on the hanger behind our table. I quickly followed his actions and took off my own coat, hanging it next to his.

“Do you plan on telling me how much my order was?” I asked with a smile as Joshua chuckled and shook his head, “Okay, I’ll just look at the menu on our way out and pay you back before we part ways”

“Oh, come on, Y/N!” Joshua giggled as he leaned back in his chair, his warm brown eyes connecting with mine, “It’s our first date. Next time I’ll let you pay for both of us”

“Only if on the third date we get to split evenly” I pointed a playful finger at him and a big smile spread on his lips, which he tried to hide by drinking from his drink. It was Caramel Macchiato, good choice.

“I really like the idea of a third date…” He trailed off and I bit my lower lip, looking down at my food.

“To be honest, I haven’t been on a date in ages, so I might be a bit rusty at it” I admitted and giggled a bit, feeling embarrassed. I was too wrapped up in Soonyoung to go on dates, or to even think about someone else. Apparently, he wasn’t.

“Don’t worry, so far so good” I gave Joshua a pointed look and he shrugged his shoulders, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“We’ve been together for like…fifteen minutes?” I glanced down at my wrist watch, “I don’t think I had the time to fuck up yet”

“Yeah, about that…” Joshua’s lips pulled up in a thin line and I raised my eyebrows.

“Now you made me curious, tell me all about it”

“Uh, maybe it’s not a first date kind of subject to talk about—”

“No, no, you really have to tell me Joshua, or I’ll nag you forever about it” I smacked my lips in a tight line and Joshua sighed before clearing his throat. He sat up tighter and his sudden serious demeanor took me by surprise, but when his lips quivered, I realized he was joking around and I gave him a small glare.

“Right, so…I went on a date with a girl, like…two years ago?” His eyes narrowed as he thought for a second, but then continued on with his story, “And like…I offered to pick her up and drive her to the cinema, we were having a movie date, and then while we are in the car, she turns pale and stops talking to me”

“Oh, your breath must have smelled really bad, dude…” I muttered, interrupting Joshua, and he threw me a warning glare. I started giggling and quickly bit into my croissant to muffle the sound as Joshua just shook his head.

“That really wasn’t the case, Y/N, I was literally chewing on the strongest gum out there—”

“If it’s Orbit, it really isn’t the strongest one, Shua” I interrupted once again and he wanted to glare at me, but his lips turned into a smile. My cheeks warmed up realizing that I just gave him a nickname, but he seemed to really enjoy it.

“It was Airwaves Extreme, hon, that thing throws your throat on fire” Just like my cheeks are on fire right now? I gulped down the rest of the croissant that was in my mouth carefully, trying to ignore the fact that he called me ‘hon’, shit, this is the first date only and I’m already dying? Was I out of the dating life for too long or does Joshua really have this effect on me?

“Anyways, back to the important things—the girl had food poisoning, so I had to drive her to the hospital. She felt bad for our ruined date, and so did I, until I found out she was set up by her younger sister and wasn’t really looking for a new relationship because she was pinning on a different guy already” I gulped a bit harder, eyes locking with Joshua’s. His lips were in a grimace and I hummed quietly, telling myself that I’m not pinning on Soonyoung. I’m getting over him, whatever I felt for him will soon be gone. Gone, because I have Joshua, because I want to try this out with him.

“What about the tickets…” I mumbled and Joshua nodded with a solemn look on his face.

“Didn’t go to waste, I went to the movie with Jeonghan, the co-worker I pranked” I giggled remembering the story he told me on Friday and wiped my mouth with a tissue before speaking.

“I still can’t believe you poured glitter all over his desk and his suit!” Joshua started laughing, his chest moving up and down by the force of it and I grinned, once again, from ear to ear.

“He looked good with the pink glitter though” He said with a grin once his laughter died down and I hummed, biting into my sandwich again.

“Are you not going to eat your breakfast?” I asked as I glanced down at his plate, two toasts sitting untouched.

“We’ve still got time, right?” He raised an eyebrow and I nodded as I glanced at my watch. Half an hour has already passed, but we still had time, indeed.

“I feel like I did all the talking…” He trailed off, playing with his tissue, “Like, I told you a lot about myself. Not that you didn’t tell me about your hobbies or something, but, you didn’t really talk about your childhood or friends…”

I hummed and took a sip of my drink, clearing my throat before speaking up, “Well, because I consider myself a boring person? I mean, compared to your filled childhood, mine sounds so boring. So, I didn’t want to like…bore you with mine, you know…”

“If I found you boring, Y/N, I wouldn’t have stayed up until 3 am or texted you daily or asked you on this date or would’ve thought about the other many dates that I’d like to go on with you” Joshua spoke with passion and a serious voice, making my heart beat quicken. He really wanted to hear my story, to get to know me. He was curious of who I used to be before I blossomed into the person I am today. I forgot, how it works when you meet someone new. When Soonyoung and I reconciled, I didn’t have to tell him everything about my life, I just had to fill in the gaps of the time he wasn’t part of my life, he already knew the rest about me. But Joshua is someone new, someone who doesn’t know, someone who doesn’t know my past self. He wants to know me more, to discover me and create a future with me.

“Where do I start…” I sighed as I glanced at the beautiful painting before looking back at Joshua, “I’m an only child, I was well off while growing up but we did struggle from time to time. My mother owns a restaurant and my father is a taxi driver. I’m usually late to everything, it’s a bad habit my father passed down on me. I went to college in my hometown because we couldn’t afford me going to a prestigious one, but that’s okay. I’m doing my dream job now, it all turned out well in the end. I don’t really have friends, if I’m being honest, I already told you I was never bothered being on my own. Being alone isn’t something that scares me, it gives me comfort rather.”

Joshua listened to me closely and nodded his head every once and then, a warm and understanding smile on his lips, “Come on, you must have had at least one friend…”

“Well,” I chuckled and tried to keep a neutral expression while thinking about Soonyoung, “I guess I accidentally did end up making a friend. We met back in high school, but during college we drifted apart because he transferred to a better college. And because the world is so small…we met at work again, became co-workers, so we reconciled. He’s known me for the longest. I guess I could call Yerim a friend too but…you know, I don’t feel her close to me like I do with…Soonyoung”

Joshua studied my expression and he nodded while blinking, lips jutted out a bit, “So…it’s a he, huh?”

I shrugged and took a sip of my Caramel Macchiato, “He ran into me in the hallway when we were both late to class…that definitely wasn’t the last time we were late to somewhere”

Joshua chuckled and nodded his head, a charming smile directed at me. I bit my lower lip, suddenly feeling shy under his intense gaze. It felt like he was looking straight into my soul and I took my time to shamelessly check him out. He was wearing a dark brown suit, a white shirt underneath and no tie on. He looked very official, all buttons done, unlike Soonyoung. He was always showing his collarbones off, a necklace on from time to time and, of course, his rings. Soonyoung never left the house without his rings. Joshua was his opposite. He wore no jewelry, and as attractive as I found men wearing rings and necklaces, I found Joshua even more attractive with his put together and elegant look. His hair was still messy, however, falling in his eyes in waves and I thought it looked even more attractive now with his current outfit.

“I think I could get used to mornings like this one…” Joshua spoke quietly, smile now turned fond and I let out a small sigh of air, “You look really beautiful”

��Thank you,” His words were so innocent and genuine, unlike the filthy words Soonyoung would whisper in my ear while we were at work, “I knew men in suits were attractive, but you took it to a whole another level”

Joshua burst out laughing and I followed him, feeling light and warm. My cheeks would hurt by the end of this date, that’s how much I smile because of Joshua. My skin tingled and my heart quickened every time I took a sneaky glance at him and I realized, it took him two days to make me like him. And I didn’t just like him, oh no, I liked him very much. But maybe it was attraction at first sight, something that I haven’t felt before. Not even with Soonyoung. This feeling was brand new and reserved for Joshua only. Finally, something that Soonyoung couldn’t rob me off.

“You should eat your toast, Shua, because I know if you won’t, I sure will” I said with a shrug and Joshua shook his head before finally taking one toast and biting into it. I smiled at him contently and sipped my drink, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in two weeks.

Our date came to an end sadly and we left the coffee shop half an hour before we’d have to start working. Joshua didn’t have a ride because Minghao offered him one, apparently, he slept over at his apartment, so I offered to drive Joshua to his workplace and save him from freezing to death. We walked to the parking lot and I unlocked my car when we were a few feet away and my eyes widened when Joshua sat in the driver’s seat. I stopped walking and gazed curiously at the passenger door as it was opened from the inside.

“Get in, hon, I’m driving today” I couldn’t help but laugh as I finally sat inside, turning towards Joshua amused.

“What are you doing, Shua?” I asked airily, unable to stop laughing.

“I would’ve opened the door for you before getting inside, but I have a feeling you would have refused, so…I took matters in my hands and I’ll be driving you to work!” He clapped his hands together once, excitedly, before he reached for his seatbelt. I was still laughing as I buckled in my own and opened my palm so that he could take the car keys. When his long fingers brushed against the skin of my palm, something that felt like slight electricity traveled up my arm all the way to my chest. This was new, I’ve never experienced this before. Not even the first time Soonyoung touched me in a sensual way. Joshua must have felt it too when his eyes lingered on my palm, and I bit my lip and turned away to look out the window as he started my car, engine roaring to life.

“You’ll be cold by the time you arrive to the Bank” I tried to convince Joshua while we were still in the parking lot, “It’s a twenty-minute-long walk. What if you get a flu? We’ll have to postpone our second date and maybe I’ll have to come over and nurse you—”

“If I get you to come over by getting sick, I will catch a flu on purpose” I tsked and lightly punched his thigh as we were in traffic and not in the parking lot anymore, aiming for his arm would be dangerous.

“I will come over some time, idiot, don’t catch a flu—”

“Oh, good.” He grinned as we stopped at a red light, turning his head towards me, “Calling me an idiot on the first date?”

I instantly blushed, my whole face going red probably, “Sorry, that was inappropriate”

Joshua just chuckled, driving past the traffic light as it turned green, a smirk on his handsome face, “I see you’re getting comfortable around me, we love to see it”

“Joshua…” I muttered quietly, throwing him a glare that I knew he could see from the corner of his eyes. His smirk turned into a wide smile and I sighed as I looked out the window, fighting my own smile to act like I was sulking.

“Don’t worry, I called Jeonghan to pick me up while you were in the restroom” Joshua spoke in a reassuring, warm, voice and I turned towards him again, gaping a bit.

“You, Hong Joshua Jisoo, are something” I huffed out, “First, your friend drives you to your date, then you steal your date’s car and drive her to work, but then your co-worker picks you up!”

“What can I say,” Joshua turned his head just a bit, enough for me to see the sneaky smirk, to glance at me, “I have good connections and I can be very persuasive”

“Mhm” I hummed with a grimace and he just laughed, slowing the car as he turned on the street that led behind the building I worked in. He turned into the parking lot and parked my car nicely, turning the engine off. We undid our seatbelts and Joshua gave me the keys. I was reaching for the door handle but Joshua’s hand on my left hand stopped me from doing so.

“Not to sound cocky, but I think you had a great time with me and I felt amazing for the past two hours, so…that second date is set then?” I grinned at Joshua and nodded my head.

“We go cycling on Wednesday, yes?” Joshua nodded his head, his hand still on mine. My heart started beating quickly again and I glanced down at our hands before squeezing his fingers lightly. When I looked back up at him, his smile was replaced with a contemplating look and I gulped, hoping he’d lean in and kiss me. Peck me on the cheek or give me an actual kiss, I didn’t care as long as his lips touched my face.

“Cycling on Wednesday because you are busy on Saturday, that’s right.” Joshua spoke quietly, eyes on my lips and I just wanted to lean in and kiss him, but decided to ground myself, “See? I’m even changing my habits for you”

“Which is good in case a serial killer was following you and figured out your habit, Joshua” Maybe that sentence was a mood killer, because Joshua laughed and stopped looking at my lips. I really shouldn’t have said that, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew he wouldn’t judge me, so everything that ran through my mind had to be voiced. With Soonyoung, that simple sentence definitely would’ve been a mood killer. He would’ve whined about me being weird and ruining the mood with stupid remarks, but Joshua didn’t do that. No, he actually leaned in and pressed his red lips against mine. His were soft and a bit cold as I pressed my lips back, closing my eyes and enjoying the way my heart was about to explode, the blush on my cheeks and the tingling of my skin. The kiss only lasted for a minute but it was enough, I didn’t want it to last longer. It felt loving and reassuring. It wasn’t desperate and demanding, like the kisses I was used to receiving from Soonyoung. This kiss felt like it said ‘we’ve got all the time in the world, let’s take it slow’, and I liked slow. I liked the process and the freedom I felt still.

“Go inside before you are late, again, Y/N” Joshua spoke sweetly, patting my hand before opening his door. I nodded to myself, he’s not wrong, and opened my door, getting out. Once the car was locked Joshua walked me to the front of the building and looked up at it, squinting.

“Have a good day, don’t forget to text me when you have time.” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

“I’m afraid I was too lazy and I really won’t have time to text you that much, maybe in the evening. You can still leave me messages, I’ll look at them when I have time!” Joshua hummed and nodded before patting down my hair.

“It was a bit ruffled…” He muttered and I smiled knowingly at him. Sure, it was, Joshua.

“Hey, yo!” Suddenly a shrill voice caught our attention and Joshua groaned, “Bro, you have exactly ten seconds to get in the car before I leave you here!”

Joshua closed his eyes in exasperation and I laughed as I pushed him forward, “Go, talk to you later!”

Joshua waved and winked as he jogged towards his friend’s parked car, Jeonghan I assume, his car was blocking the traffic and cars were already honking behind him.

“I’m going, I’m going!” Jeonghan shouted, his window still down, as he looked back at me, “Nice to meet you, pretty lady! Next time Joshua can introduce us formally, but we’ve got to go before these monsters cuss me out!”

“Bye!” I laughed and waved as Joshua rolled the window up, cheeks flushed as he shook his head at me, and Jeonghan took off, lips moving quickly as he spoke to Joshua. With a smile on my face, and carefree, I walked inside the building feeling proud that I wasn’t late today.

        My happiness didn’t last for long, as I was expecting it already. Everything went well until Soonyoung and I finally met up for the meeting in my office. I had all plans and sketches laid out on my table, all ready before Soonyoung came, so that we wouldn’t waste time on that as well. We were on a tight schedule and two weeks went by without us doing much, which was really my fault. But that meant that right now we had to move fast and decide what we wanted so that we could order everything for the reception and be ready on time. My stomach was making sounds the closer the time of the meeting came and I blamed it on the little breakfast I had, but I knew it was because of Soonyoung. I wasn’t ready to face him, not after the amazing morning I had with Joshua. I wanted to stay relaxed and cheerful, but I knew upon seeing Soonyoung I would turn moody and irritated. Seeing him would only make me miss him more, something I didn’t need right now. A knock on my door made me jump and I straightened up in my seat before calling out for the person that it was okay to enter. The door opened and in walked Soonyoung, looking just as flawless as always. He was still wearing his black suit, upper buttons of his white shirt undone and rings on his fingers. My eyes focused on the pendant hanging around his neck, realizing it was the one I bought him two years ago when we went on a vacation in Jeju. I gulped and focused my eyes on his face, trying to give him a genuine smile.

“Good morning,” He greeted quietly as he shuffled around, frowning down at the papers in his hands. I bit my lip and stopped myself before I could sigh, I really missed hearing his voice. I’ve been doing my best to ignore him and I was succeeding at it way too well.

“Good morning,” I greeted back once I found my voice, Soonyoung now was seated across from me, all papers placed down on the table.

“Fancy seeing you finally decided to meet up.” His voice was bitter and I rolled my eyes as I looked down at his sketches, refusing to make eye contact with him even though he was searching for my gaze intently.

“Yeah, I was really undecided about this project…” I muttered, reaching across my table and taking Soonyoung’s sketches into my hands. He mimicked my actions and did the same thing, my sketches in his hands. I hummed quietly as my eyes ran over the drawings Soonyoung made, reading the descriptions on the backs of them. He had good ideas and I liked them more than the ones I chose. However, his location choices didn’t fit well with the theme the bride and groom wanted. I was so lost in thought that I almost missed Soonyoung gazing intently at me, almost.

“What?” I snapped before I could control myself, eyes falling on him. He was chewing the inside of his mouth and just shrugged before he looked back down at the sketches.

“Nothing…” He muttered but looked back at me, sending the butterflies in a frenzy in my stomach, “Just missed you, I guess. And you look amazing today”

I gulped and ignored the way my body reacted to his words, the want to walk up to him and embrace him powerful, “Thanks. You look the same as always”

Soonyoung chuckled and sent me a smirk, one I decided to ignore, before he placed one sketch back on the table.

“I like this design, it looks good” He said, pointing at the paper and I nodded as I placed all of his sketches on the table.

“The locations you chose aren’t very fitting, Soonyoung, it doesn’t go well with the theme” I decided to be direct with him, the faster we get over this the better. I really want to text Joshua right now. And as if he’s a mind reader, my phone pinged, signaling I just got a message from him. Soonyoung’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me confused.

“Why are they not good? They want something water themed so I looked over all the locations they could afford and those are the only decent ones” He said, voice a bit aggressive, as he looked at me. It wasn’t like this was the first time we disagreed on something for work, but he never got hot headed about it.

“I get it, but they are either too small for all the people they invited to fit inside or not next to an actual water” I explained as my phone pinged again, and I bit my lip to hide my smile. Joshua must be having his lunch break right now. Which just reminds me of how hungry I am right now.

“You can’t have everything” Soonyoung shrugged nonchalantly, eyes falling on my phone when it made another sound, “They either give up on a few people or raise their budget where I can find them an actual place that has it all”

I threw him a glare before looking back down at the sketches, choosing one that could work out, “Yeah, well, it’s a bit too late to tell them we can’t find a suitable place. We have to make it work”

“Well, who’s fault is it, huh?” My eyes snapped back up, focusing on Soonyoung, who was glaring at me. I scoffed and shook my head before pushing the sketches towards him.

“I’m sorry I have a life that doesn’t revolve around you and work only! I had other things to take care of, besides, it’s not like you can’t do this without me!” My voice raised a few octaves and Soonyoung’s eyes narrowed at me as he leaned forward, challenging me with his gaze.

“We are partners for a reason, Y/N, I can’t choose a place without you matching the décor to it” He snapped back, voice leveled, but the way he was clenching his jaw gave away his anger.

“Stop making excuses and find a place! Or do I have to do that as well?!” I stood up from my chair, realizing this meeting really wasn’t going the way I wanted it to go. Now I was just screaming at him and letting my frustrations out because he has a girlfriend and I’m in love with him. It’s not really his fault he couldn’t find a bigger and better place, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to scream at him, to make him feel like I felt the day he told me he was seeing someone. I knew it wasn’t a reasonable reason nor a nice thing to do, but I had to let it out.

“What the fuck!” Soonyoung was on his feet in an instant, eyes glaring at me as he slammed one hand down, “Don’t make this sound like I always fuck up or something! If you didn’t ignore me for two fucking weeks this wouldn’t be an issue right now—”

“I wasn’t ignoring you—”

“Oh, fuck off!” Soonyoung rolled his eyes as silence enveloped us. I fisted my palms and willed myself to take deep breaths and think logically before I said something that could ruin the last thin thread our friendship was hanging on. But then my phone pinged again, twice this time, and Soonyoung’s eyes snapped towards it.

“Can’t you turn the fucking phone off?” I glared at him and took the phone off the table and threw it in my purse, which was by the foot of my table.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” I argued and Soonyoung rolled his eyes before crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Why are you ignoring me?” The way he was looking at me left no room for denial. I knew he knew what I was doing, and he also knew he was right. He caught me red handed and I didn’t have a good enough excuse this time. So, I didn’t think much before I answered him.

“Because I can.” Soonyoung laughed humorlessly before he stalked towards me, making me glare at him.

“You can’t just ignore me. We are friends. You stopped talking to me ever since I told you I have a girlfriend as if it’s the end of the fucking world—” He stopped talking abruptly, standing just a foot away from me. We looked into each other’s eyes and Soonyoung gulped. It was clear that he finally realized what was the reason and I didn’t care anymore. If this was the way he found out I had feelings for him, so be it. Now, I’m working on getting over him so I don’t care anymore. I have Joshua, someone who makes me feel like no one has done it before. And I want to make it work.

“Yeah, well, it was the end of the fucking world for me, Soonyoung. But don’t worry, it’s not like you should have at least warned the person you were fucking regularly that you might be seeing someone” I huffed and smiled at him bitterly, watching as his face became expressionless. Of course, classic Soonyoung, act like nothing is happening in the middle of something serious.

“I didn’t have time to—”

“I don’t give a fuck about your excuses!” I snapped and pointed a finger at him, “Get out of my office and find a fucking place by tonight for the reception. If you don’t, I’ll work with Chan on this reception and cut you from it. It’s not like we are actual partners, I can work with whomever I want.”

Soonyoung’s jaw clenched more and he raised a hand, about to grab me, but quickly put it down by his side and went to gather his sketches.

“Two weeks of no dick turned you into a real fucking bitch” His sneer was malicious, he wanted to hurt me, to remind me I could no longer have him. And I was surprised when I started laughing, finding his words amusing. He was wrong, not getting dicked down for two weeks felt like a fresh breath of air. I didn’t realize how stressed it made me feel when he’d come over daily. Most of the time I wasn’t even in the mood but decided to go along with him because I knew afterward, I could be close to him, at least until one of us left.

“What makes you think you are the only one who could give me dick, Soonyoung?” I laughed and watched as his expression morphed into furry, his eyes traveling to my bag. Oh, this is amazing. He might think that’s my booty call and that just makes this situation even more hilarious.

“Yeah, so…maybe you should start working, unless you want Chan to be the one getting paid” I smiled sweetly at my friend and he threw me a glare that could kill before turning around and storming out of my office, slamming the door after him. But I wasn’t feeling better than he was looking, so I fished out my phone and distracted myself by answering Joshua.

       The chill music played lowly in the background as my finger hovered over the ‘send’ button. Soonyoung never contacted me with the new sketch, so I assumed he wouldn’t do it. I mean, it’s almost 12:00 pm, if he didn’t do it by now, he won’t do it. Chan is someone who I know I can trust, we’ve worked together before when Soonyoung was away, and he works fast and neat. But I didn’t know what to do, Joshua said I should wait until tomorrow and work it out at the office. I didn’t tell him the co-worker I fought with is my friend, Soonyoung, because I’m not ready to tell Joshua yet about the relationship I had with him and how I feel about Soonyoung. We haven’t even gone on our second date, which is in two days, I don’t want to ruin it. But even with Joshua’s reassuring words that I’ll work things out tomorrow, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. I have never neglected my work before and Mrs. Choi relied on me a lot, I was nervous I’d fail for the first time and I wasn’t ready to face the consequences for my childish acts. If the jiggling of keys wouldn’t have distracted me, I would have sent the message to Chan. But my eyebrows furrowed when a key was pushed into the lock of my door from the outside, after the person missed for the fourth time, and I stood up alerted from the counter. What is he doing here at this hour? I rushed to my front door, ready to lock it again before the person could enter, but I was a few seconds late because by the time I got there, it was already being pushed open.

“Y/N!” A raspy voice slurred and my eyebrows furrowed when my eyes fell on Soonyoung and saw the state he was in. His jacket was barely on him, white shirt even more undone than the last time I saw him today, his whole chest on display.

“What the hell are you doing!” I exclaimed when Soonyoung literally fell through my door, I quickly caught him before he could hit the floor.

“Y/N!” He slurred again and I was being pulled into Soonyoung, his face buried in my neck, arms sneaking around my waist. The air left my lungs at the sudden contact, heart beating at a mile. I was frozen as I gulped down the sudden feelings ignited inside my body and pushed closed the front door, locking it.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered, more to myself, as I bit my lips and gave in. My arms went around Soonyoung’s torso and I sighed as I closed my eyes. I missed him so much, his warmth and his scent. His body felt like heaven right now, to be hugging him, it was like something broke inside my stomach as I allowed myself to melt into Soonyoung for a few seconds longer. I knew this was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. I missed him so much.

“Y/N…” Soonyoung sighed into my neck, the hairs rising on arms, as he tried to stand up straight by me supporting his weight.

“You’re so drunk, Soonyoung…” I sighed as I ran a hand through his black hair, pushing it out of his eyes. The alcohol was so strong that it almost filled my nose as I put a little distance between our bodies, “Take your shoes off”

Soonyoung nodded wordlessly and while holding onto me, he pushed his shoes off clumsily, giggling when he lost his balance for a second, making me gasp as I had to catch him once again.

“Stop being silly, Soonyoung.” I scolded him as I rested one of his arms around my shoulders and walked him further inside my apartment, towards the sofa in the living room.

“I’m so shitfaced, Y/N!” He giggled again as he spoke, his words slurring even more and I shook my head with a sigh.

“You don’t say…” I helped him sit on the sofa, and he just fell on it, giggling again when he bounced a bit on the mattress.

“Stay here, I’ll bring you water” I pointed a finger at him, his small eyes narrowed as he looked up at me through hooded eyes, a lazy grin on his lips. I narrowed my eyes at him and Soonyoung shrugged before nodding once, signaling he understood. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass to fill it with water. What am I doing? Should I even nurse him? Why did he even come over? He should have gone home or to his girlfriend, why is he here, with me? I wanted to send him home after making him drink water, but I just couldn’t. He’s so drunk he can barely stand; I’m amazed he even got here.

After he drank his water, we stayed quiet. I placed the glass in the sink and went back to the living room, sitting on the little coffee table, to face him. Soonyoung’s lips were jutted out as he continued looking at his fingers, playing with them. Suddenly, a buzzing sound caught our attention and Soonyoung lazily reached inside his pocket and pulled out his phone. His eyebrows furrowed as he brought the phone closer to his face, mouthing the name of the caller. He looked more and more confused as seconds went by so I took the phone out of his hands. It said ‘babe’. My eyes went back to him as I held the ringing phone in my hands, not bothering to pick up.

“I should answer that…” Soonyoung trailed off, eyebrows furrowed as he reached forward, totally missing the direction I was sat in, “She’ll kill me tomorrow if I don’t…”

“I’ll let her know, okay? You don’t have to answer the phone right now.” I pushed him by his exposed chest to sit him down, he rose to take the phone from me, but his hand gripped mine against his chest, “I’ll—I’ll tell her, don’t worry.”

I gulped as Soonyoung ignored everything I was saying, his half-opened eyes focused on my hand against his exposed chest. His warm hand was pressing it against his heart and I didn’t have the power in me to pull away, not yet. So, I just gulped and unlocked Soonyoung’s phone before dialing a number. It rung five times before it was answered.

“You have three seconds before I hang up on you—”

“Jihoon!”

“Oh—oh, Y/N—” The man on the other end sounded surprised, “Hi!”

“Hey!” I greeted back, my fingers twitching as Soonyoung started playing with them.

“Is everything okay?” I could hear worry seep into Jihoon’s voice, “Why are you calling form Soonyoung’s phone?”

“He’s—very drunk…” I cleared my throat when Soonyoung intertwined his fingers with mine, “I would send him home but he can barely stand on his feet. And I know I just woke you up, which I’m sorry for by the way, so I’m not going to ask you to come and get him. I, however, want to ask you to do me a favor…”

“I mean, if I’m already awake…” Jihoon sighed and I smiled, eye connecting with Soonyoung’s as he looked up from our hands.

“Call his girlfriend and tell her he’s really drunk and had a blackout, please? She keeps calling him” There was silence on the other end before Jihoon groaned, I knew he just rolled his eyes.

“The fucking things I do for that idiot, I swear, and even you!” Jihoon was starting to get angry, and he had a good reason for it, “I get your situation, I really do! But if he’s going to act like that, I won’t cover for him every time—”

“Hey! It’s not like that!” I quickly cut Jihoon off, knowing where his thoughts were taking him, “He’s very drunk, I’m not lying!”

“Jihoon, I love you!” Soonyoung exclaimed loudly, as if to confirm my words, and I squeezed his hand, sending him a glare. My neighbors have kids who are sleeping at this hour!

“Fine, whatever, make sure he doesn’t drown or something—actually, no, let him die.” I chuckled as Jihoon grumbled a goodbye before hanging up on me.

“He loves me, deep down, I know it” Soonyoung sing-singed and gave a harsh tug to my arm, surprising me, as I fell over him. I went rigid as Soonyoung’s hands started roaming my back, tugging me closer into him, until I was straddling his hips, no space between our bodies. I clutched Soonyoung’s phone in my hand tightly, afraid to even breathe.

“I missed you,” He sighed into my neck, head falling on my shoulder, “So, so, so much, Y/N”

I gulped and bit my lip, unable to move yet as I tried to fight my own thoughts. I wanted to melt into him and just cradle him until the sun comes up and he sobers up, but the rational me, the logical me was screaming at me that this is very wrong, we both have someone we care about, Soonyoung more than I. And I won’t start contradicting myself, I refuse to sabotage myself, not this time. So, I gulped down the burning want to just stay like this with Soonyoung, and went to push myself off him. But even when he’s drunk, he has an impeccable force, especially when he’s clinging onto someone.

“You have to let go, Soo.” I spoke softly, knowing he doesn’t react well when he’s drunk and someone is demanding of him. He groaned and gripped onto me even tighter, making me gasp when he pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my neck.

“Soonyoung, please.” I whispered, heart aching. I missed this so much, to be close to him. My time with Joshua was always amazing, he makes me forget about all the suffering I have to go through when I’m alone, and it’s amazing. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before, not even with Soonyoung, and I think my feelings for Joshua are slowly becoming more and more powerful. I don’t want to lose what I have with him, not when I know Soonyoung will never appreciate me or give me what I need. I braced myself this time and wiggled out of his grasp enough so that I could push his chest back against the sofa. His eyebrows furrowed and he gripped onto my waist as he tried to glare at me.

“You are not going away again.” He muttered, an angry expression crossing his face, and I shook my head. I tried to pry his hands off my waist but he suddenly sat up, our faces very close. So close, his lips were brushing against mine.

“Soonyoung, I can’t—”

“I love you.” The breath was knocked out of my lungs and I paused, eyes wide and heart racing. I searched Soonyoung’s gaze, one he returned feverishly, and I was taken aback by the passion he was showing. He never really shows his genuine feelings, it takes him long time and a lot of coercing for him to open up, even to me. He usually would do it after sex when we’d be laying in bed.

“I—”

“I love you, I really do, Y/N!” His lips started quivering and my own eyes filled with tears as I shook my head. I couldn’t believe he was saying those words to me. Not now, not when I already decided I was over him. Not when I realized I deserved better than him. He can’t offer me what I need, he never would, we just don’t match well. I don’t want to suffer while I’m with him, I’d rather do it alone, I’m already used to that. But I couldn’t help it, he finally said the thing I’ve been wishing to hear for the past year, he loves me.

“I love you too, Soonyoung.” I found myself whispering back and a tear escaped my eye without me realizing. Soonyoung wiped it away, eyes still hazy and mind intoxicated as he leaned his forehead against mine, exhaling deeply. His breath reeked of alcohol but I didn’t care as I closed my eyes and wallowed in the moment. A weight was lifted off my chest, I felt lighter. I wanted to laugh at the feeling, but the dull pain was still there, it didn’t let me actually do it. It was there because it didn’t matter if we loved each other. It was over for us, and Soonyoung won’t even remember this in the morning. He’s too intoxicated.

       After confessing to our feelings, I convinced Soonyoung to go to bed. I lay next to him and traced his face with my fingers delicately, knowing he liked to be caressed, especially when drunk, and that put him to sleep faster. Once I was sure he was asleep, I pulled the covers over him, he changed into a t-shirt he left over a while ago, and left my bedroom. I slept on the couch in the living room, TV on and some horror movie playing, to which I finally fell asleep to. The sun was up high by the time I was up and my heart picked up when I thought I was late to work, but realized I still had two hours. Mrs. Choi had to take care of something so we got to go in later today. As I stretched my hands over my head, back popping, a familiar scent entered my nostrils. I sat up quickly, head spinning a bit as I looked towards the kitchen, a sight I wasn’t expecting greeting me.

“Good morning!” Soonyoung called out cheerily when he saw that I was up, a content smile on his lips. My eyebrows furrowed as I threw the cover off my body and stood up, pulling a bit on my shorts, hoping it would cover up more of my thighs.

“What are you doing?” I asked confused, walking over and sitting at the counter. Soonyoung wore clean clothes, he didn’t reek of alcohol anymore, his hair was still wet from the shower he took. The ends of his black hair were already curling up and I smiled a little as I looked at them for longer, I really like his curly hair. He stopped styling it like this a long time ago, always straightening it, it reminded me of our high school days. He looked softer and warmer back then and even now.

“And good morning.” I added as Soonyoung turned around with a grin and glass in his hand, “What’s that?”

“A little morning treat.” He answered casually as he placed the glass in front of me, the scent of cocoa filling my nose. I laughed as I leaned down and inhaled the scent of the hot cocoa.

“Seriously?” Soonyoung nodded grinning and placed the breakfast in front of me, toast with butter and strawberry jam and omelet. I took the fork he handed me and dug into the food, groaning at the taste, “At least you didn’t burn it this time.”

“I’ve become a good cook over the past two weeks…while you were busy ignoring me…” I threw him a glare and he just shrugged as he picked up a toast with butter and strawberry jam and took a bite. I took a longer glance at him, admiring his beauty. Something in his demeanor changed. He looked relaxed and content, happier than usual.

“What?”

“Nothing.” I mumbled as I finished my breakfast and took a sip of my hot cocoa.

“Slept well on the couch?” A teasing grin was on his lips as he raised one eyebrow, knowing damn well how small the couch is and how one person can barely sleep on it.

“No, asshole.” I threw him a glare as I sipped on the hot cocoa.

“You could’ve just slept with me, there’s plenty of space in your bed…” I paused drinking and glanced at him; his eyes curious as he looked at me.

“Yeah, no, thanks,” I rolled my eyes and finished the hot cocoa, “You burp a lot in your sleep when you’re drunk, it’s disgusting.”

Soonyoung started laughing loudly and he gathered my glass and the plate and fork I used and placed it into my sink, putting away the food that we didn’t eat. I placed an arm on the counter and placed my chin in my palm as I watched him move around my kitchen while humming something to himself.

“Was sleeping on my bed so therapeutic or you’re just really that happy because I’m talking to you again?” I raised my eyebrows as Soonyoung shrugged teasingly, walking up to me but keeping a respectable distance. It made me happy to see him so content and happy, but I couldn’t fully brush away the lingering feelings he caused. The want and ache, they were still there. But I felt better about them, like telling him how I felt, lifted a curse. I was finally free, at least it felt like it. A new room was created for Joshua only in my heart and that made me happy.

“I just really missed you.” Soonyoung said seriously, placing an arm on the counter.

“I missed you too.” I confessed with a smile, which quickly fell when Soonyoung leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. My body instantly reacted to the familiar feeling, tilting my head up for him to have more access, but I caught myself just in time. I quickly pulled away and glared at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“What are you doing!” I demanded angrily, placing a hand on his chest to push him back.

“What do you mean?” His happy demeanor quickly changed; his eyebrows were furrowed too now.

“You have a girlfriend, Soonyoung, if you want to cheat on her go find someone else to do it with!” I snapped and rose from the chair, pointing a finger at him angrily.

“But you love me.” I paused, finger hanging in the air as I bit my lower lip. So, what if he knows? I thought he really wouldn’t remember it, but I don’t care, he knows now and that’s it.

“So, what if I love you?” I scoffed and pushed the finger pointed at him against his chest, “You still have a girlfriend. If you would’ve told me earlier that you loved me, things could’ve turned out differently.”

“What do you mean?” He asked confused as I lowered my finger and ran a hand through my hair.

“I’m over you, or at least trying to be. It doesn’t matter if I love you or not, you are still just my best friend.” Soonyoung’s expression changed in an instant and I didn’t give him time to speak, “I like someone else, a lot. And I want things to work out between him and I, Soonyoung. He treats me right and he likes me as I am. I’m not going to throw away this new chance, like I did a few times before for you. For something you can’t offer me.”

“I can’t offer you what, Y/N?!” He snapped angrily, taking a hold of my jaw, “I know you better than anyone else. I know everything about you, Y/N! What else do you need? I always gave you what you wanted and I was always there for you. You meet this new guy and you’re head over heels for him after a day—”

“Shut up, okay!” I snapped and gripped his wrist, “You don’t know Joshua and you wouldn’t understand! Ever since we reconciled everything has been about you, God damn it! It’s always you, you and you, never me! I’m done feeling like shit because of you! I deserve more and not just someone who uses me for my body!”

“I don’t use you for your body!” Soonyoung screamed back, letting go of my jaw to clench his palm into a tight fist, “I fucking love you! What more do you need?!”

“I never felt loved by you, Soonyoung. Saying it to me isn’t enough, you need to make me feel it!”

“All the times I fucked you gentle, cuddled with you and stayed up to talk about bullshit wasn’t good enough?” I huffed and rolled my eyes as I walked away from him.

“Yeah, it wasn’t enough. If that’s your definition of love, please, go do that with your girlfriend.” I shrugged and Soonyoung’s jaw clenched.

“I don’t—” The doorbell rang and we both turned towards it. I gulped and my eyebrows furrowed. I wasn’t expecting anyone, is it Jihoon? He wouldn’t come by, he’s at work at this hour. Maybe Yerim? She comes over sometimes, but never unannounced. Maybe—Joshua? No…it can’t be…I did give him my address because he’s picking me up tomorrow for our date but he wouldn’t come today as a surprise, right?

“Go get your things,” I snapped at Soonyoung quietly as I walked towards the front door, “I don’t care who it is, you’re leaving!”

“I’m not fucking going anywhere!” He snapped back and I turned around abruptly, face turning red from the anger.

“Don’t try me, Soonyoung.” I hissed and he rolled his eyes, my palm itched to slap him across the face, but I took a deep breath instead and unlocked the front door. I swung it open and my jaw fell. A huge bucket of red roses covered the face and mostly the upper body of the person standing behind it, but I knew who it was.

“Surprise!” His melodic voice echoed a bit in the hallway and my heart started beating fast. Oh no, what will he think when he sees Soonyoung over? He probably won’t know he slept over, right? What if he gets the wrong idea? I can’t lose Joshua right now.

“Jo—Joshua!” I gasped and took the bucket of roses from him, beaconing him inside, “These are—gorgeous!”

Joshua was grinning, his cheeks a light red, as he leaned down at pecked my lips. My heart started beating faster, knowing well he still hasn’t noticed Soonyoung standing behind me.

“I’m glad you like it, I didn’t want to come over unannounced but—” He scratched the back of his neck as he looked down shyly, “I couldn’t help it.”

“What if I wasn’t home?” I chuckled and hugged the roses to my chest.

“I would’ve delivered the roses to your office!” He grinned and I chuckled, cheeks flushing, “But your car was in the driveway, so—”

A throat was cleared behind me and my happy demeanor quickly faded. Shit. Soonyoung will ruin everything.

“Hello there,” Joshua greeted politely once Soonyoung walked up beside me, “You must be…Soonyoung, was it?”

I gulped when Soonyoung slug an arm around my shoulders, a stoic expression on his face as he looked down at the roses. Then suddenly, as if having such a quick change of demeanor was a normal thing, he smiled from ear to ear.

“You are Joshua!” He exclaimed and extended a hand to shake, “I’ve heard a lot about you!”

“Y/N told me a little bit about you too!” Joshua returned the smile and shook Soonyoung’s hand firmly, turning to smile at me. I returned a fake smile and went to the kitchen to get a vase.

“Y/N!” Soonyoung called out, making the hairs stand on my arms. I knew that tone, the teasing tone, when he was about to fuck up something, “I left the final sketch in your bedroom, you should make the order if we want the reception to happen.”

I turned around and gulped, waiting for Joshua to react badly, but he was just glancing around my apartment solemnly, “Yeah, uh—I’ll do that.”

I watched as a smirk crossed his lips and he turned his head and took in Joshua’s body before looking back at me, Joshua oblivious to us as he walked over to a photo frame placed on my bookshelf.

“So classy.” Soonyoung mouthed as I filled the vase with water, working quickly to make Soonyoung go away before he fucks up.

“Soonyoung, you told me your girlfriend asked you to do some grocery shopping on the way home,” I said with a smile as I placed the vase with the roses on the center of the counter and walked towards my friend, “You should go now or else you’ll be late to work, again.”

Soonyoung laughed and grabbed a small bag from the floor, his clothes from the other night inside, “Jihoon is cooking dinner tomorrow, we’ll be waiting for you to join us.”

Liar, Jihoon is working the night shift tomorrow. I sent him a glare but Joshua started walking towards up so I evened out my expression, Joshua coming to a stop next to me.

“Actually,” He spoke up, surprising me, as he placed an arm around my waist, “If you don’t mind, I’ll be stealing your bestie tomorrow night…”

The way Soonyoung’s jaw clenched left a weird satisfaction in me, knowing well ‘bestie’ ticked him off, especially after what went down yesterday and today. Joshua was smiling politely at Soonyoung, but there was a glint in his eyes I didn’t quite understand yet.

“We have a date.” Joshua finally finished his sentence and Soonyoung nodded aggressively.

“Yeah, sure, dude! No problem!” He shrugged and offered me a fake smile, “Have fun tomorrow, but not too much!”

And with a wink he was out of my door, leaving me with Joshua alone. I sighed quietly and leaned into his side, forgetting for a second he didn’t know about anything that went down.

“You good?” He whispered and I turned my head to look up at him with a tired smile.

“I just didn’t get much sleep.” I said with a shrug and he smiled, ruffling my hair a bit.

“I’ll drive you to work today, get ready.” He pulled away from the little embrace and stepped back, “Had breakfast already?”

“Yeah…Soonyoung brought some food…” I lied and Joshua nodded before pointing towards my bathroom.

“You smell like alcohol.” He said with an apologetic smile and I blushed, pulling my hair in a ponytail.

“Sorry, I had too much wine last night…” I lied, again, feeling guiltier and guiltier.

“Don’t worry,” Joshua smiled, winking at me, “We are taking your car to work.”

“Again?” I laughed and Joshua nodded with a sneaky smirk, “I’m starting to think you don’t have a car, Joshua…”

“Uh, about that…” His lips formed a thin line, making me laugh, “It’s in the car service, but it’ll be ready by tomorrow!”

“You’re serious?” I walked towards my bathroom.

“Dead serious!” Joshua called out, making me laugh again as I closed the door. At least he knows how to go around getting free rides.

        Before Joshua dropped me off at work, we went to the coffee shop we had our date at and I bought a cup of coffee for everyone from work, even for Soonyoung. I do this from time to time, I haven’t done it in two weeks so I considered the timing was good. And everyone came in late today, a little coffee wouldn’t hurt anyone right now. Joshua helped me carry up the trays of cups of coffee and with a kiss he was gone, leaving me smiling and blushing in front of the entrance. Taking a deep breath to gather myself a bit, I pushed the door open and greeted everyone with a wide smile.

“I bought coffee for everyone!” I called out loudly and my colleagues called out in appreciation, forming a line to get their coffee.

“Thank you!” Yerim exclaimed loudly as she helped me hold the two trays, “I really fucking needed it.”

“As if we didn’t come to work later than usual.” I threw her an amused smile as Wendy, another co-worker, took her coffee with a wide smile and a ‘thank you’.

“Exactly!” Yerim’s eye widened, a very ‘duh’ expression covering her face, “You think I went to bed early? No, fucking, way! I was out partying last night!”

“Explains why you look like a zombie…” I muttered quietly, thinking Yerim wouldn’t hear me as Baekhyun’s, a very annoying but sweet co-worker, laughter flooded our ears. But Yerim heard me and she threw me a glare.

“I’m always fabulous, even when I look like a zombie.”

“True.” Baekhyun said with a shrug before strolling back to his desk, making Yerim throw her long blonde hair back. I chuckled and shook my head, grabbing the next cup and handing it to Chan before he could reach for it.

“Thank you!” He beamed at me, eyes lighting up, “I didn’t get my doze of caffeine yet today.”

“Slept in?” I asked with a smile and Chan nodded his head with a chuckle.

“Cute.” Yerim muttered while biting her lip, making Chan and I look at her, “What?”

“Uh—nothing!” Chan exclaimed embarrassed, about to walk away, but I held onto his arm.

“Hey, uhm…can I ask you something?” I asked quietly, smiling apologetically at Chan as he nodded, “You know about the reception happening in two weeks…if I send you the details, can you find me a place?”

“Aren’t you working with Soonyoung though?” Chan’s eyebrows furrowed as Yerim gave me a look, handing Hana a cup of coffee.

“I mean…something came up and he’s busy with other things…uh—so, can you help me out?” I offered him a small smile, in hopes he would say yes, and Chan seemed to be thinking for a moment.

“I mean, I can help you, of course! But I have a lot of work to do and I might be able to do by the end of the week only…and I know you need it, like, today…” I sighed as Chan grimaced, avoiding my eyes. It’s not his fault though, I understand him.

“Yeah, don’t worry, I should have asked you sooner!” I tried to cheer him up and reassure him, and he nodded with his lips in a tight line.

“So…can you wait until the end of the week—”

“Last time I checked; I was the one working with you.” Soonyoung’s raspy voice interrupted Chan, coming from behind me. I tensed up as Yerim and Chan were now looking at us questioningly. I took mentally a deep breath and then turned around, three more cups of coffee remaining on my tray.

“Maybe your girlfriend forgot to brew you some coffee this morning, Soonyoung.” I joked with a sarcastic tone and Soonyoung just chuckled, eyes narrowing as he grabbed a cup of coffee from the tray.

“Yeah, she was busy doing other things.” He smirked before taking a large gulp of the coffee, keeping eye contact with me. In my peripheral vision, I saw Yerim’s eyebrows raising as she looked between us. Chan cleared his throat and I glanced back at him.

“So, then…I guess you’ll be working with Soonyoung again…”

“Actually, no—”

“Yes, Chan.” Soonyoung cut me off, a charming smile on his lips, “I got a tight schedule and I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it, but it’s all solved now.”

“Oh, great!” Chan exclaimed with a big smile, “I’m really busy this week…”

“Sorry for the confusion, Chan.” I apologized, throwing Soonyoung a subtle glare, knowing well Yerim was watching us like hawks.

“Don’t worry,” He offered us one more smile, “I’ll be off to work then.”

Yerim smiled flirty at Chan before he could walk away, flustering the younger boy once again. She turned to look at me with an amused giggle and I shook my head, ignoring Soonyoung’s eyes boring into the side of my head.

“He’s so cute,” Yerim mused quietly, eyebrows raising, “Who was that handsome guy you came with today, Y/N?”

I looked at Yerim with a warning look, not wanting to discuss anything about Joshua with Soonyoung there, today’s morning being enough for me. But Yerim ignored my warning and silent plea, like she usually does, and raised her eyebrows even higher.

“Oh, Joshua drove you here?!” Soonyoung exclaimed next to me, face lighting up suddenly. I turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowed, but he ignored me as he looked at Yerim, “He’s a real gentleman, so classy…”

“Yeah, exactly.” I snapped, glaring at him again, “He’s kind and gentle, unlike you—someone.”

Yerim’s eyes narrowed at us as she took a sip of her coffee, looking at us with suspicion, “Okay, besties, I’ve got some work to do as well…”

“We are not besties—” Soonyoung growled as Yerim walked away, not caring to listen if we had anything else to say. I scoffed and chuckled quietly, enjoying how triggered Soonyoung looked. He always hated us being called besties, but ever since the whole friends with benefits thing happened, he really detested it. He even threatened Jihoon once when he dared to call us that.

“Why did you ask Chan to do my work, Y/N?” Soonyoung’s glare was directed at me, voice low as we were still in the front lobby, everyone could hear and see us.

“Because if I remember correctly, I gave you a deadline that you didn’t respect!” I snapped back, stepping closer to make sure the others couldn’t see our faces that well. We didn’t need them to know about how much our friendship was going to shit. I think it became obvious that there was something wrong the second I stopped interacting with Soonyoung so much, or when he slammed the door to my office so hard, I thought he’d break the whole wall.

“You are not the boss here, and I told you that wasn’t enough time for me to find something!” Soonyoung spoke quickly, nostrils flaring as his jaw clenched. His grip on the cup of coffee was tightening and he was probably close to snapping it in half, so I gripped his wrist, hating the butterflies that erupted in my stomach and how the back of my neck felt hot.

“Maybe if last night you didn’t get shitfaced and actually did some work, I wouldn’t have asked for Chan’s help.” I snapped, but my eyes softened, trying to calm him down. He was a calm man, but when you ticked him off, he left only destruction in his wake. And we didn’t need that happening at the office, especially in the front lobby.

“I will do it by tonight.” Soonyoung’s voice softened and suddenly the wrist I was holding twisted, gripping my palm into his. I gulped and looked down at our hands, shaking my head.

“Please, do it.” I muttered, hating the way my eyes fell on his lips when he licked them. Soonyoung saw it too and a grunt left his lips before he was stepping back, running a hand through his, now straight, black hair.

“You always make such a scene out of everything.” He said with a shake of his head, taking another sip of his coffee.

“I do not!” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, placing down the tray on the little table by the entrance, “And you are a dickhead, Soonyoung.”

“I know…” His voice was small and I looked back at him, a dark look crossing over his features. I sighed and turned around, mouth open to tell him to get to work, when a lady spoke up.

“You two should be working.” Mrs. Choi’s eyebrows were raised, lips in a playful pout, and Soonyoung smiled.

“Mrs. Choi! Fancy seeing you this beautiful morning, not more beautiful than you, of course.” Soonyoung made a spectacle as he took Mrs. Choi’s hand and placed a soft kiss on it, waltzing away with a wink directed at me. I sighed and handed Mrs. Choi the last cup of coffee.

“Good morning, I bought some coffee for everyone today.” I said quietly, avoiding eye contact with the older lady.

“Thank you, my dear,” She smiled as she took the cup, gripping it with both hands, “Is everything alright? I haven’t seen your plans about the upcoming reception and Soonyoung said you kept postponing the meeting for the past two weeks.”

I gulped and bit my lower lip, feeling embarrassed and guilty, “I did, yes, and I apologize for stalling. It’s just…I went through something and…I will solve this issue, I promise! I trust that Soonyoung will find the right location by tonight and then I can put everything into action.”

“I’m not worried about you making this work, you’ve worked in worse conditions before, my dear. I just don’t like seeing you sad and always grumpy, especially if it’s caused by a man.” I looked up at Mrs. Choi surprised, finding her smiling at me gently.

“Uh, right—I, uh, have a question!” I tried to divert the subject, knowing well the old lady had eyes and ears everywhere. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew about everyone’s private life from the office, “This Saturday…can I bring a plus one? To the barbeque?”

“Of course!” Mrs. Choi exclaimed with a laugh, “The more, the merrier! We can split the bill even better!”

“I thought you were paying…” I muttered with a cheeky smile and Mrs. Choi laughed, shaking her head.

“Don’t disappoint me this time with your choice in men,” She said with a wink, sipping from her coffee, “Soonyoung wasn’t made for you, my dear.”

My jaw fell open as I gaped at Mrs. Choi, trying to come up quickly with something to deny her affirmation but by the time I thought of something, she walked away, leaving me alone and gaping. I cleared my throat and closed my mouth when Baekhyun looked up from his desk, eyebrows raised and mouth in an amused grin, looking at me questioningly. I shooed him off with a flick of my wrist and quickly fished my phone out of my purse as I took of towards my office. I dialed Joshua’s number and prayed he was available, on the fifth rang he picked up.

“Missed me already?” Came his teasing through the phone. I scoffed as I took a sip of my coffee quickly.

“You wish, do you have time to talk?” I asked, opening the door of my office.

“If you make it quick, yes.”

“You know, how I’m busy this Saturday…” Joshua hummed and I continued talking with a smile on my face, “Are you busy this Saturday?”

“Uhm…not really, no.” Came his confused answer, no doubt he was frowning now.

“Well, then I just made you busy!” I exclaimed, laughing alone as Joshua remained silent and even more confused on the other end.

“Uhm, care to explain, hon?” My cheeks became hot at the use of his nickname for me and I giggled quietly.

“I’m going to a barbeque with my colleagues, and you are invited too now!”

“Really?!” Joshua asked excitedly and I laughed.

“Really!”

“Okay, cool! We’ll talk later then, but if you need confirmation, I am coming!”

“Of course, you are! But it doesn’t count as our third date!” I spoke quickly, knowing he had to hang up.

“Of course not, hon, talk to you later!”

“See you, Shua!” I hang up with a big smile, taking a seat in my chair, melting away into it. Ah, the things Joshua makes me feel!

        Saturday rolled around quickly, our little cycling date on Wednesday went even better than we were expecting it. This time it was Joshua who drove us around, his car finally out of the service, and I even attempted to pull the same joke he usually did, and drive him home in his own car but, of course, he didn’t let me. He wanted to make sure I got home safely as night has fallen by the time, we finished eating at a local noodle restaurant. On Saturday, we agreed that I would come by his place first and then we’d drive together to the barbeque restaurant, as he lived closer to the place and we wanted to save some fuel. I chose to wear a black turtleneck and a denim dress over it, with black tights and knee-high boots, a thick denim jacket shielding me from the evening breeze. My black purse matched my turtleneck and I painted my lips red, applied some mascara and a little bit of blush to my cheeks. I brushed my hair and let the waves fall freely over my shoulders, clipping the front strands behind my ears. It was the first time Joshua would see me truly dressed up, not that I put much effort into my looks. Last date we went cycling, so I couldn’t wear anything fancy, and on our first date we both wore working attire. And well…the night we met, I was almost wearing my pajamas, so it doesn’t count. I was curious of Joshua’s everyday style, wondering if he dressed as fancy as he acted. He was a gentleman after all. I gave him a text when I reached his apartment complex and he was downstairs in three minutes. A big smile on his lips, eyes running over my body, as he jogged up to me. I giggled when he reached me and I threw my arms around, snuggling my chin into his shoulder, making sure I didn’t smudge my lipstick nor dirty his cream-colored coat. He wore dark grey dress pants that reached his ankles and I could make out a soft green turtleneck peeking out from underneath his coat. His light brown hair wasn’t as messy as usual and it had a nice middle part.

“Wow, Joshua!” I mused as I made him twirl around, “You look so fancy!”

“And you look breathtaking.” He said, his voice a bit deeper than usual, taking me by surprise. My cheeks heated up and I pouted as he leaned in.

“My lipstick—!” But Joshua didn’t care as he pressed his lips against mine softly, barely even touching them together.

“You can redo it later, let me give you a kiss!” He murmured against my lips and I grinned, pulling back.

“Maybe when we come back from the barbeque.” Joshua’s eyebrows furrowed and I giggled as I took the car key from his hand.

“Maybe?” He asked wondering, shaking his head a bit, “I don’t think that will work.”

“No?” I raised my eyebrows as I took off towards the parking lot.

“No,” He shook his head firmly, walking after me, “I will need my kiss, right now, and later too.”

I laughed and got into the driver’s seat before he could, claiming it as Joshua shook his head outside the car.

“I was supposed to drive tonight.”

“On the way back!” I grinned and he sighed before getting in, putting on his seatbelt.

“So…where is my kiss?” He asked, lips jutted out, as he turned towards me. I scoffed and leaned over the middle to give him a firm peck. He hummed contently, closing his eyes as I turned back around, turning the engine on.

The ride to the barbeque place was quick and filled with Joshua telling one of his stories about pranking Jeonghan, once again. These two were little devils and wrecked-havoc everywhere they went. On our cycling date Jeonghan actually turned up and tagged along for half an hour, even though Joshua made it clear that he should just leave us alone, but with a sneaky wink towards me, Jeonghan rode his bike along with ours. The man was nice and pleasant to hang out with, so I didn’t mind him tagging along. At least I got insight on Joshua through one of his friends. And I was pleased with the person he seemed to be. Truly, Joshua was a fresh breath of air to me. I don’t know what I did to find him, but I was sure that I’m not letting go of him.

“Are you sure about this?” Joshua spoke up as I parked the car, struggling a bit, his car being bigger than mine.

“Sure, about what?” I asked absentmindedly as I focused on not hitting the two cars I was parking in between.

“Me coming with you, I mean…we only went on two dates. You’ve known me for a week only, don’t you think…we are taking it too fast?” I paused, hitting the brake a bit harsher, sending us forward.

“Do you think we are taking it too fast?” I asked quietly, a bit afraid of his answer. Because I don’t think we are, the most we did was little pecks here and there. I felt alright presenting him to my co-workers and few friends, even if it’s been a week. I’ve never been so certain about someone before.

“I, personally, don’t think so. I just—want to make sure you don’t feel pressured or—”

“Joshua!” I turned toward him wide eyed, “If I didn’t want you to be here with me right now, you wouldn’t be, trust me. Two dates and a week of knowing each other, I—I don’t actually know, this feeling is really new to me. But I want it, I’m certain about it…about us?”

A smile spread on Joshua’s lips slowly and he placed a hand on mine, giving it a squeeze, “Okay, because I really fucking like you a lot.”

I started laughing, being the first time Joshua has sworn in front of me, and squeezed his hand back, “You should park the car now, I think we are making a line behind us…”

“Shit…” I muttered, quickly parking the car, making sure I didn’t hit the others, as Joshua just chuckled. Once we got out Joshua intertwined his fingers with mine and my cheeks turned a little red as I giggled, like a crazy girl, squeezing his hand playfully. He chuckled and glanced at me while leading the way inside. My heart was thumping in my chest as we neared the long table full of my co-workers, and few friends, unsure of their reactions. Only Mrs. Choi knew of my arrival with Joshua, and I truly feared how Soonyoung would react. For sure he would find some way to ruin it, I know him too well.

The chatter from their table was loud but when we arrived next to Mrs. Choi, everyone fell silent. I cleared my throat as Joshua gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Hi, everyone!” I greeted, voice a bit higher than usual, “Uh, this is—my boyfriend, Joshua.”

Cheers and greetings broke out from the table, Baekhyun already tipsy as he rose from his seat with a shot in his hand and cheered the loudest, meanwhile I felt two eyes boring into my face. One was coming from the man holding my hand and the other one from the man sitting at the head of the table, across from Mrs. Choi. I turned towards Joshua, a nervous smile on my lips, knowing well calling him my boyfriend took him off guard. I hope I didn’t screw up things, but as Joshua continued to remain silent my heart started hammering in fear. Did I say the wrong thing? But how was I supposed to introduce him? Especially when we arrived together and even holding hands. Before I could think about it even more, a huge grin appeared on Joshua’s face and he started quietly cooing as he pulled my head into his chest. I quickly sucked my lips in, making sure I didn’t dirty his cream-colored coat with my red lipstick, feeling embarrassed as Baekhyun whistled loudly.

“Come sit, love birds!” Yerim’s loud, shrill, voice called out for us. She was sitting close to Soonyoung, two seats empty on her right. The one who would sit at the end of the table would be basically next to Soonyoung. Before we could walk to Yerim, however, Mrs. Choi was on her feet, a warm smile on her lips.

“Good evening, welcome!” She greeted us and patted my cheek once Joshua freed me from his hold, “I see my dear Y/N decided to bring someone along. Who are you, young man?”

“Hong Joshua, Mrs. …”

“Choi Seunghee.” My boss introduced herself and Joshua bowed politely.

“Mrs. Choi, nice to meet you!”

“You too, Mr. Hong—” Mrs. Choi’s eyes landed on me and she winked, “Lovely choice, my dear.”

My cheeks flushed and I groaned quietly as Joshua chuckled and nodded once, before pulling me towards Yerim, who was waving us over aggressively.

“Thank, fucking, God!” She exclaimed once we were by her side, “My arm was about to fall off!”

“Well why were you continuously waving?” I asked laughing as Joshua helped me take my jacket off, “It’s not like we can sit anywhere else…”

“I’m just being a good friend, don’t lecture me about it.” Yerim said with a pout as I threw her a playful glare, holding my jacket so that Joshua could take his own coat off.

“Yeah, whatever,” Yerim rolled her eyes, eyeing Joshua as he went to take our jackets to the hanger, “Damn, classy but sexy as fuck.”

“Yerim!” I hissed, eyes widening as Joshua walked back, a warm smile on his face.

“I’m Kim Yerim!” She introduced herself, standing up and extending her hand. She was wearing a dark green dress, body fitting, for once reached bellowed her knees and had a turtleneck. I see everyone went for a turtleneck tonight.

“Hong Joshua, nice to meet you.” Joshua shook her hand delicately, smiling when Yerim grinned at me.

“A foreigner too!” She winked at me, eyes running over Joshua again, “Nice catch, bitch.”

My mouth fell open as Joshua started laughing loudly, covering it with his hand once he realized he was really loud. I threw him a glare before I pulled on Yerim’s straightened hair, earning a hiss from her.

“Watch your language, Kim Yerim!” I snapped, feeling embarrassed, as I took a quick seat beside her. I forgot about Soonyoung’s existence, but it didn’t last for long, when I heard Joshua greeting him.

“Good to see you made it.” He spoke monotonously, lips in a tight line. He wasn’t even trying to hide his displeasure and I threw him a warning glare.

“Good evening, Soonyoung.” I greeted him; expression neutral as he bowed before downing his shot in one go.

“Want to drink?” He raised his glass of Soju to Joshua.

“Not tonight, I’m the designated driver,” He said with an apologetic smile, “Next time.”

“Next time.” That made Soonyoung smirk as he sent me a wink, downing another shot. I sighed quietly, opening the can of soda in front of me, eyes accidentally catching Baekhyun’s.

“Eyo, I thought you ditched us!” He said loudly, smile lopsided.

“And miss seeing you drunk?” I laughed, taking a sip of the soda, “Never, Baekhyun, never.”

Baekhyun giggled and raised his glass of Soju in salute before taking a big gulp.

“So, Joshua!” Yerim exclaimed, making me go deaf for a few seconds, “What do you do? How do you earn money? How did you charm Y/N? What are your hobbies? Tell me everything!”

“Take it easy, Yerim,” I said with a snort, hand finding Joshua’s underneath the table, “I forgot to tell him how energetic and tiring you can be.”

“Ah, I know someone just like her…” Joshua mused, eyes glinting with mischief and I laughed, shaking my head.

“Jeonghan.” We chorused at the same time, making Yerim raise her eyebrows and Soonyoung frown at us.

“Hmm, his name doesn’t sound bad. Is he handsome?” Yerim asked, lips forming a pout.

“Yah, Kim Yerim!” Came Chan’s loud exclamation, he was sitting next to Wendy, two seats away from Baekhyun who was across from me, “You’re trying to find yourself a new man?!”

“Yes, do you have a problem with that?!” Yerim snapped back, eyebrows raising in a challenging way.

“Yes, I do!” Chan snapped back, lips jutting out as he stared back at Yerim.

“Then stop being a pussy and ask me out!” Yerim’s statement made the table go silent, and she blushed. Kim Yerim was actually blushing! I started laughing loudly and soon the others followed, well except for Yerim and Chan; and Soonyoung; who were staring at each other intently.

“Ah, to be young and in love…” Mrs. Choi mused from the head of the table, making Yerim glare at her.

“Who’s in love? I’m not!” She was quick to defend herself, throwing Chan a subtle glance. But Chan was focused on glaring at his bottle of Soju, ears red. I giggled to myself and Joshua squeezed my hand underneath the table, making me look at him. He grinned down at me and I blushed, scrunching my nose at him.

“Those two definitely are.” Wendy said with a sweet smile, nodded her towards us, making me blush further. I groaned as Joshua, once again, pulled my head against his chest, and rested his chin on top of my head.

“Yeah, we might be…” He sing-songed, making me pinch his hip just a bit, “Oh, come on, don’t be shy now.”

“Shut up.” I snapped and pulled away with a small glare, my eyes catching Soonyoung’s in the process. His jaw was clenched and he glared at me, downing another shot of his Soju. I couldn’t help but worry, watching as he did that three more times, finishing his first bottle of the night.

“Soonyoung…” I called out, Joshua was playing absentmindedly with my fingers as he conversed with Baekhyun, “Take it easy…”

Soonyoung’s head snapped up and he looked into my eyes, licking his lips, “What do you care?”

I rolled my eyes and glanced at Joshua to see if he was paying attention to us, but he wasn’t, so I lowered my voice knowing Soonyoung will hear me, “I do, okay? You are my best friend!”

“Yeah…” He chuckled bitterly as he opened up another bottle of Soju, “Best friend.”

“I mean it.” I snapped, eyes glaring at him as he just shrugged.

“Thanks for worrying about me, bestie,” He faked a grin and gulped half of the Soju down, “But I can handle myself.”

“I won’t be driving you home if you get shitfaced.” I warned him, becoming aware of Joshua glancing at me more often.

“Don’t worry, my girlfriend will make sure to pick me up this time.” I scoffed and gulped down the remark I had for him, instead looked up at Joshua to see him frowning at us. I have to tell him after tonight what’s been happening between Soonyoung and I. He deserves to know. Maybe he can help me out even with some advice, I don’t even know anymore.

“Are you okay, hon?” He asked quietly, eyebrows furrowed as he searched my face.

“Of course!” I offered him a small smile, then nudged Yerim, “Wanna hear the answers you were so eager for?”

“Fuck yeah!” Yerim slammed her Soju bottle down, spilling a bit on the table, as she leaned closer in, captivated once Joshua started talking. That’s how I felt every time I was with Joshua, utterly captivated. Like it was just us, no one and nothing else in the world. It was new and weird. It was something I enjoyed and craved, it felt amazing.

Somewhere halfway through, Yerim and I excused ourselves to the restroom, Yerim complaining about having to pee after she drank three bottles of Soju. The food was almost done by that time, everyone having eaten well and now we were just drinking the rest of the drinks and sharing stories. Mrs. Choi said she didn’t want to stay until very late, her son having to pick her up and he had classes tomorrow, so we decided to stay until midnight instead of late night, like usually we do. Yerim and I took quite a while, her having to make sure her whole makeup looked presentable, rambling about how she was going home with Chan tonight even if she had to force him. Something I’m sure she won’t have to do; Chan’s been eyeing her all night after she told him to ask her out. It was quite obvious Chan had a crush on Yerim, everyone knew, but no one expected Yerim to reciprocate the feelings. She was always after Soonyoung, barely batting an eyelash at Chan. And it’s not like the others know Soonyoung has a girlfriend, he hasn’t told anyone besides me and Jihoon. When we made it back to our table, Joshua had a neutral expression and Soonyoung was smirking as he leaned back in his chair, an accomplished look crossing his face. I gulped as I took my seat and tapped Joshua’s thigh, asking if he was feeling alright. Deep down, I knew Soonyoung told him something and that’s why his demeanor changed, but I hoped I was wrong and Joshua was just tired and Soonyoung just said one of his lame jokes to which Joshua had a good reaction. But when Soonyoung raised his fifth bottle of Soju, already drunk, and called loudly ‘cheers’ while never breaking eye contact with me, I knew he said something to Joshua. Something I didn’t want him to know, at least, not yet. Joshua, however, was quick to reassure me and say that he was tired and wanted to head home earlier if it wasn’t a problem for me. And it wasn’t, we quickly took on our coat and jacket, wished the others a good night and left the barbeque restaurant. My heart was hammering, cheeks a bit red from one bottle of Soju, and I was surprised when Joshua’s fingers intertwined with mine as we walked towards his car. No one said nothing, Joshua seemed deep in thought meanwhile I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know what happened that ruined his mood so quickly. He opened the door for me once we reached his car, and I thanked him quietly as I sat inside. Joshua was quickly inside the car as well, starting the engine to generate warmth. We put our seatbelts on and Joshua turned the radio down for quiet background noise as he started driving. I gulped and bit my lower lip, trying to find a way to ask him if Soonyoung said anything to him, without spoiling much.

“Are you okay?” I decided on asking, placing one hand gently on his thigh. He tensed up and I felt a pang in my heart as I quickly retracted my arm, clearing my throat. However, he quickly gripped my wrist and held it for a second.

“I’m not mad at you, please relax.” He spoke up calmly, thumb rubbing over the skin of my wrist. I let out a shaky breath, now knowing certainly that Soonyoung told him something he wasn’t supposed to.

“What—” I took a shaky breath, “What did Soonyoung tell you?”

Joshua was quiet for a second as he took a left turn, not rushing as he drove below the speed limit, “Enough to piss me off, honestly, but not enough to push me away from you.”

“I’m so sorry,” I sighed out, looking down at my lap, “You deserve to know, but we’ve barely been on our second date and I—I didn’t want to tell you anything yet, I just didn’t think it was the right timing, you know? What was I even supposed to tell you? That I—”

“The reason why it pissed me off, is because it wasn’t his call to make. You were supposed to tell me once you felt ready and not Soonyoung to spite me,” Joshua took a deep breath and threw me a quick glance, “I don’t give a shit that you two were friends with benefits, Y/N, calm down, okay?”

I took a shaky breath and bit my lower lip, “Joshua, I’m—in love with Soonyoung.”

The silence was deadly and my heart was hammering in my chest, but Joshua’s thumb never stopped caressing the skin of my wrist, not even after I said those words.

“But I like you, very, very much. And I want to be with you, not Soonyoung. It took me so long to realize he’s not good for me, that he could never offer me what I need. Soonyoung is—not a good person. He was a good friend, and still is sometimes, but when it comes to relationships, he—doesn’t know what those mean. I don’t want to be with him, yes, I still love him but God! I’m doing everything I can to get over him and…it’s working. It’s hard and it takes time, but it’s working, Joshua. I’m slowly, but surely, falling for you. Even if it’s too early to say that, I feel it. You are so amazing, I never even dared to dream of someone like you! You respect me and bring out the best in me, make me laugh until my stomach hurts and make me feel things I never even knew I could feel. You are special, Joshua.”

I wasn’t even sure Joshua was paying attention to my rant, but by the time I finished, we arrived in front of my apartment complex. My heart was beating fast and I was scared to look at Joshua as he stopped the car, head turning towards me. If I were him, I knew I’d be furious and feeling like I got fucked over. That’s what scares me, what if he leaves me right now? How do I get over that? Losing two men I care about is too harsh.

“I know falling out of love can be a hard process, but I sure as hell haven’t seen someone before trying so hard to do it,” He chuckled and my eyebrows became relaxed a bit, “I understand you and I respect you. Thank you for telling me, even if I had to find out this way, I think you would’ve still told me. I have to be honest; I’m not pleased to know you love other man, but who would be? But I see how you act around me, and I don’t know how you used to act around Soonyoung, but I know that you simply radiate when you are with me. And you make me feel warm and full, always tugging at my heartstrings without even doing anything. I choose to trust you, Y/N. Prove me right, please.”

The sudden relieved laugh that left my lips was loud in the car and it brought a smile on Joshua’s lips, I felt like I could breathe again. My heart slowly returned to its natural rhythm as Joshua and I stared into each other’s eyes.

“Thank you, for trusting me.” I whispered and closed my eyes when he pressed his forehead against mine.

“Thank you, for making room for me in your heart.” A wide smile spread on my lips and I pressed my lips against Joshua’s softly, his cherry-colored lips pushing back just as gently. There was nothing hungry behind the kiss, only genuine feelings being poured into it, as our lips moved slowly. I wanted this moment to last forever, I wanted to ask Joshua to come up with me, but it was too soon. We decided in taking things slowly, if I called him up right now, that would change a lot. And we are not there yet, I’m not ready for that yet.

“So…” Joshua’s lips pulled up into a mischievous smirk once we pulled back from the kiss, “I’m your boyfriend, huh?”

I chuckled and shrugged, “Guess you are.”

“Good.” He breathed out and I leaned in to press another soft kiss against his lips before I went upstairs.

“Good night!” He called out as he rolled his window down, sending me a flying kiss. I caught it and pretended to press it where my heart was, putting it away and keeping it in a safe place.

“Good night!” I called back and quickly rushed inside the building, racing up the stairs to my apartment. It wasn’t the most pleasant thing to be in the stairway late at night. Once inside my apartment, I closed and locked the front door, leaning over it. I was feeling ecstatic from that kiss and the word exchanges Joshua and I had, but then suddenly rage over took me. And I knew how I would spend my early morning tomorrow.

       It was early in the morning when I got up, the rage I felt towards Soonyoung didn’t let me rest much. Even as I cooked myself some breakfast, I found myself throwing everything around loudly and then feeling sorry for my neighbors, it was an early Sunday morning after all. After eating my breakfast, I took a shower in hopes that it would ease my tense muscles and angry thoughts, but it just fueled all the mean things I had to say to Soonyoung. After all, we all know in the shower come the mightiest ideas and arguments. After getting dressed, I took the car keys and off I was to Soonyoung and Jihoon’s apartment. Due to it being early, and a Saturday, traffic was almost none and I made it to their apartment in 10 minutes, a ride that on a normal day would take twenty minutes. I glanced at the clock and decided to go upstairs, knowing well hungover Soonyoung always got up at 6 am to nurse his headache, cook himself breakfast, and then go on a run to clear up his head. Besides, I wasn’t just here to put him in his place, I was here to hand him back their apartment key and ask for mine back. So, without second thoughts, once I reached their front door, I unlocked the door and barged inside. The apartment was quiet, Jihoon was still asleep as he had the nightshift last night, probably made it back home two or three hours ago so I was already feeling bad for waking him probably once Soonyoung and I start arguing. I heard some muffled noises coming from Soonyoung’s room, so I knew he was up. Taking a deep breath and rolling my shoulders a few times, I marched towards it and barged inside. The sight that greeted me wasn’t something I was expecting. Not now, not in a million years. Eyes wide, I turned back around and slammed the door closed, praying that it didn’t wake Jihoon. I heard a few groans and some mumbled words as I walked away from Soonyoung’s room, taking deep breaths. A girl, his girlfriend no doubt, with her mouth deep down Soonyoung’s dick. Both of their eyes went wide when I barged in, Soonyoung’s darkened a lot more once he realized it was me and not Jihoon. I didn’t see the girl’s reaction as I slammed the door closed, and now I was pacing up and down in the kitchen, reaching for a glass to pour some water into it. How am I going to do this? With his girlfriend over? I don’t want to drag her into this mess, I know she doesn’t know, and I don’t want her to find out either. I’m not like Soonyoung. If it was just Jihoon here, I wouldn’t have cared, he already knew everything. Just as I downed the glass of water, Soonyoung’s bedroom door was opened and the black-haired girl tiptoed out, long hair in a high ponytail now.

“Uh—Hi.” I greeted quietly and she gulped as she looked away embarrassed, “Uh—sorry, for barging in like that, I—”

“Yeah, uh—just forget about it?” The girl asked as she played around with the towel in her hands, “I’m Soonyoung’s girlfriend, Yuna, nice to meet you.”

“Y/N, nice to meet you too.” We nodded our heads at each other a little as the girl tried to smile at me but failed.

“Yeah, you’re Soonyoung’s friend—anyways, I’ll be taking a shower. See you later?” She headed for the bathroom door and I muttered quietly after her a ‘See you later’. As the bathroom door closed, out came Soonyoung from his room wearing his black sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His face was still swollen and his hair sticking out in every direction. He stood at the entrance of the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest as he watched me with a glare, a glare I returned fiercely.

“What?” He finally snapped like nothing happened yesterday, a glint of amusement filling his eyes.

“Don’t act like Saint Marry, Soonyoung!” I snapped, jaw clenching as the rage I’ve felt all night long flooded my body, “You have the fucking audacity to even ask ‘What?’ when you almost ruined my relationship with Joshua?!”

“Ah,” Soonyoung laughed quietly, “The one-week long relationship? Are you sure that’s a relationship? Maybe he just likes the way you suck his dick—”

“Don’t even talk about Joshua like that!” I snapped, making sure my voice remained low enough that it wouldn’t wake Jihoon, if he wasn’t awake already, nor would it reach Yuna’s ears.

“Oh, look at that! Defending him like you’re his little puppy—”

“Fuck you, Soonyoung! You’re a piece of shit!” I snapped, slamming the apartment keys down on the counter, “I want my fucking keys back, now.”

“No.”

“No? I don’t think so.” I snapped and glared at him as I went to walk past him, but Soonyoung grabbed me by my upper arm and pulled me back, hips pinning me between him and the counter.

“You can’t take the keys back.” He muttered lowly, his glare boring into my own.

“Those aren’t yours, to begin with, I am taking them back.” I went to push Soonyoung away but he grabbed my jaw tightly and forced my head to stay in place. I hissed at him and tried to swat at his hand, but he raised his eyebrows in warning.

“Just admit you’re here because you miss fucking me.” A shit eating grin spread over his lips and my palms turned into fists, ready to punch him any second now.

“I’m here, to tell you, that you are a scumbag, Soonyoung. I knew you played unfair your whole life, but telling Joshua we used to fuck? That was really low, Soonyoung. You proved that you’re a trash person deep down. You have a girlfriend but you go around being jealous? Trying to destroy your best friend’s relationship? When she’s finally happy?!”

“You just think you’re happy with Joshua, Y/N, but you aren’t really.” He growled, grip tightening on my jaw, making me hiss.

“Sure,” I scoffed, nodding my head, “Go ahead and tell me how I feel, right. Because you know! You! Not me!”

“You’ve only known him for a week, God damn it! You’ve known me for almost ten years! Can’t you see I’m right for you, Y/N? Who knows you like I do? No one else! I grew up with you, I was there to support you through everything! Through every heart break and every successful date! Y/N, I love you truly! Unlike Joshua who doesn’t even know you!” His voice started raising and he was breathing hard and I whined, gripping his wrist when his grip became unbearable on my jaw. If he was going to keep on squeezing, he would bruise it and I don’t want to go around lying to people.

“Well unlike Joshua, who doesn’t even know me! He’s the one who made me feel truly happy and heard and seen ever since we’ve reconciled, Soonyoung! I always felt so drained being with you. It was always about you! About making you satisfied, about making you happy, about supporting you no matter what, about bending myself to everything you wanted because I wasn’t important. Not as important as you, at least.” His grip softened but he didn’t let go, he was slowly shaking his head no, “You are afraid of letting go because I’m something safe, something you know. Something you can come back to. I know new things scare you, Soonyoung, but we are over. I don’t love you.”

“That’s a lie!” Soonyoung scoffed and rolled his eyes, giving me the moment to push his grip off my jaw, “You love me and I love you. Understand that already!”

“No, you don’t love me. Not like I did, anyways. My body is what you love, the way I made you feel and the way I would always bend to your likes. I broke myself down so that you could build yourself up, and you knew all along what you were doing, Soonyoung. And I knew, deep down I did, but I was blinded by my foolish love and selflessness. That’s not happening anymore, understand?”

But Soonyoung just kept shaking his head, “No, bullshit. I—love you!”

I bit my lower and realized pouring my heart out to him, about everything he made me feel made the dull ache disappear. It was like I felt nothing now when I looked at him.

“Stay away from Joshua and I, understand? Don’t make me take drastic measures, Soonyoung, because I will. You know I will!” I warned Soonyoung, wriggling out of his hold, “Whatever we ever had, takes an end, right now. After I leave this apartment, we are just co-workers. After we are done with this reception, we won’t work together unless Mrs. Choi or the project demands us to. We can’t be friends anymore, not after you broke my trust and respect like that. It was my job to tell Joshua we were friends with benefits, not yours!”

Soonyoung’s lips quivered as he stared at me hopelessly, a humorless laugh leaving his lips, “You really care that much about him? After a week?”

“You have no idea,” I whispered, looking away from him as seeing him so broken didn’t sit well with me, “He makes me feel like no one else.”

“And I couldn’t do that?” He whispered quietly; eyes trained on the kitchen floor.

“No.” I muttered, gulping and taking a deep breath, “Tell Jihoon I’m sorry if we woke him up and that I’m sorry I couldn’t properly say goodbye, but maybe we’ll see each other from time to time. Next time dinner will be on me, if I see him.”

Soonyoung sniffed once and then looked up and nodded, walking past me. I watched him as he reached inside his jacket’s pocket and pulled out multiple keys. He detached one set and turned around, walked up to me and placed the keys in my hands. The keychain, the little turtle that I gifted him in our first year of college, broke my heart. I looked up at Soonyoung with teary eyes and he was quick to hug me. His chest rocked as he buried his head in my shoulder and I returned the tight hug, feeling my own tears rolling down my cheeks. This hurt a lot more than when he told me had a girlfriend. My lungs were heaving for oxygen and no matter how deeply I tried to breathe it wasn’t working. It was more painful, because we were saying goodbye to each other. To a friend of a lifetime, to a secret lover, to someone who meant to world to us at one point. And that was more painful than realizing we were in love and thinking the other wouldn’t return it.

“Maybe—maybe when—we have sorted things out—we could be—friends again.” Soonyoung said between sniffles, rubbing my back up and down.

“Maybe.” I whispered, unsure if there was reconciling from this one. Maybe there was, maybe there wasn’t.

“Stay healthy for me, please?” I muttered into Soonyoung’s shoulder as I took in his scent for the last time. The scent that brought so much comfort and pain at some point in my life. A scent I associated once with home.

“Yeah…just, be happy.” Soonyoung was the first to pull away, eyes red as he looked me over. I offered him a sad smile, clearing my throat and cleaning my face of the tears.

“Bye.” I called out quietly and Soonyoung gulped before he gripped my wrist and pressed a painful kiss against my lips.

“Bye.” Yet he still managed to smile, that smile that was so contagious and lit up a whole room. I returned it, but only half heartedly as I left Soonyoung and Jihoon’s apartment, leaving my best friend and the feeling behind. It felt liberating in a way, like the final weight was lifted too, like I could fly up high in the sky again.

The door that opened for Joshua in my heart before, was wide open now. Ready to be filled with Joshua and Joshua only.

[ven-finn]

Medium!Merida who begrudgingly can interact with ghosts but is also too stubborn to move out of her haunted house. By God Her Mom Told Her It Was A Bad Idea To Live In The Scary Lot At The End of The Lane, So She’s Going To Do It Anyways. 

Jack died barely even 2 years ago, Hiccup died in the late 2000′s, and Rapunzel has been dead for so long that she can’t remember exactly when she came from. They’re pretty friendly for being poltergeists and all, even if Jack started off with Merida on the wrong foot and had to be the one to introduce her to the others. All of them are excited about Merida because none of them ever actually came across a medium before. Jack’s initial response to Merida when she moved in and finding out she could touch/see them, was probably something along the lines of “Oh man, Rapunzel hasn’t been able to give someone a hug in over 2,000 years”

Jack is the most interactive ghost of anything, ever. He’s always floating out and about in the house or front lawn somewhere, he doesn’t like “resting.” Rapunzel and Hiccup are less obnoxious about it: before Merida they only really came out of hiding when they thought the living were out of the house out of a sense of politeness. With Merida, they’re more open but will still go away during the nighttime. Merida doesn’t know where any of them ‘go’ when they aren’t visible, but she knows at the very least its not of this side of Earth because she can feel their presence and she can especially feel the lack of it. The three do know when to give her privacy, though, and Merida knows how to ask for it. 

They get to a point where they realize Merida can channel them for brief amounts of time so she'll let them "take over" from time to time because she knows there’s just certain things they can’t do as ghosts that they can do in her borrowed body. Jack likes to go skating, Rapunzel likes to sit down and paint, etc.

the big three are the only ones tethered to Merida's house but plenty of others constantly are passing through. This being because ghosts are all tethered in a very, very loose sense. Besides them, Merida is also good ghostly buddies with Mulan, Tiana, Peter Pan, and so on and so forth. 

 The house next door is owned by two very sweet sisters(Elsa & Anna) who have no idea their house is haunted by up to 40 different ghosts. Whenever Merida is over for tea, they’re always inviting her over, plenty of apparitions will sit in and talk Merida’s ear off because they know no one else can listen. I think it’s funny to imagine a good chunk of their ghosts are the classical Disney princesses who aren’t actually princesses, but are lying their asses of to Merida because like wouldn’t you try to fuck with mortals if you thought you could get away with it? Merida knows they’re full of it but lets Aurora and Jasmine and Belle have their fun. 

Merida lets Hiccup ‘take over’ for a single day of university and somehow he manages to befriend MacGuffin, Macintosh, and Dingwall all under that time span. The trio in question are the resident Radio club who think Merida’s a tech whiz bc Hiccup!Merida stumbled upon their equipment and gushed about the advancements made in the field since Hiccup died. 

But really, Merida has no clue what they're talking about when she's on her own, she just nods and waves. She eventually does get to know them as her own friends although they do ban her from actually putting her hands on any real radios(things just break and short-circuit around her, and everyone knows this.) 

Jack, Hiccup, and Rapunzel are very clingy but also try their very hardest to NOT be that bc they know their friend is still alive and can't be just held down like that. but they'll still all float above her and comment on her mathematical errors when she's doing homework and heckle her when she’s making breakfast. Seriously, it’s the most important meal of the day, who the hell puts whisky in their dry cereal and leaves it at that? Merida calls them annoying to their faces, but she’s actually glad to have friends for once: even with their limits. That said: they give her unsolicited advice ALL the time: and it’s usually outdated(i.e. Hiccup and Rapunzel) or just meant to fuck with her(i.e. Jack). But they’re also there for her when she’s throwing a ragefit over fights with her mom and don’t flinch away in disgust at Merida’s worst so... It balances out

Rapunzel would be the most off-putting bc she's been dead longest. ghosts don't deteriorate or anything it's just that Rapunzel is still astounded by the moon landing, everything is after her time. She'll say well meaning things that are just creepy like. "OH when you die, Merida, you can finally experience the joy of phasing into mold and worms in the core of the earth! How it calls for you now :) And then we can hang out together!” Hiccup is used to it, but Jack still goes “honey, no” every time it happens. 

[ppersonna]

wanna be yours - knj | m

if you like your coffee hot, let me be your coffee pot.  you call the shots babe, i just wanna be yours - i wanna be yours, the arctic monkeys

↳ summary- your camping trip with your date namjoon goes south, leaving you to camp in your car.  somehow, he helps you make the best of it.

↳ rating- explicit / 18+

↳ word count- 2.9k

↳ pairing-  namjoon x reader

↳ genre- smut, fluff

↳ warnings- public sex, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (be smrt friends!), dirty talk, creampie, smutty fluff man it’s cute as shit

↳ a/n- hi friends! welcome back to another fun fic with lindy!  i was in my feels tihs morning and this little piece came out.  i hope you enjoy it!  i also felt like making sure namjoon was well represented in more than just a hard dom way LOL.  enjoy babies!  feel free to comment, message me, etc etc.  i love you!

The sunlight pours in through the car windows with no care of disturbing you. It shines bright on your face and heats your skin. It’s uncomfortable—too bright. But, you’re unwilling to move from the warmth and safety of the arms encircling you, so you accept the punishment of the too bright light and remain rooted to your spot.

Sleeping in your car hadn’t been in the itinerary for your impromptu camping date with Namjoon. In fact, you had promised a tent and homemade meals, a campfire, and s’mores. But the torrential rain and downpour that never ended as soon as you arrived at your campground washed away those plans.

You had been distraught—your very new relationship with Namjoon was important to you and you wanted to give him a memorable night. You wanted to show him how invested in him you were, how much you enjoyed being with him. You hoped the night would end with him making love to you and asking to be your boyfriend.

Instead, it ended huddled in your car—soaking wet and eating cold cuts from your cooler, and falling asleep from utter exhaustion of the day. No romance, no passionate lovemaking, only lumpy sleeping bags and open containers of cheese strewn about the car.

Namjoon groans in his sleep as he finally registers the cursed sun pounding into his skull.  He wiggles around in the blankets, arms pulling you in tighter and grumbles about the sun being too noisy.  It makes you laugh—Namjoon always makes you laugh, and it pulls him even further from his rest.

He cracks an eye open and looks down at you.

“What’s so funny, huh?” He teases. His voice is rough around the edges from sleep and it makes your heart beat too fast.

“You said the sun was too noisy,” you giggle as you press your face into his chest.

He huffs a laugh and tries to feign insult.

“It is!”  His fingers dig into your armpits to tickle you, and it makes you squeal.  The ensuing tickle fight fills the car with laughter and you squirm to get away from the onslaught.  Namjoon turns you on to your back and hovers over you.  He has you pinned, and you’re whining for mercy through your laughter.

“Okay! I give! I surrender!” You pout through the tears of your laughter. 

Joon smirks in triumph and moves his hands down and away from your arms and settles them on your hips. 

A silent beat passes and you find yourself lost in Namjoon’s heated gaze. It warms you more than the overbearing sun pounding through the glass of your four-door sedan, and you feel your cheeks flush from the stimulation. 

“I’m sorry this camping thing didn’t really work out,” you mumble to dispel some fire in your chest. 

Namjoon smiles down at you. His eyes glitter with something unreadable to you, but it makes your stomach jump, regardless.

“It was perfect,” he says.  A hand comes up to stroke your head.  “I got to wake up next to you.  I’d say it was a successful trip.

Your throat loses the ability to function—you can’t breathe or form coherent words.  It all dries up on your tongue as you peer into Namjoon’s sincere gaze.

“I want to be with you,” he whispers as he continues to stroke your cheek.  “I’ve had the best time of my life over the last few weeks getting to know you.  I’d like to make you mine.”

Namjoon sounds so confident, so sure of himself and his feelings for you.  It’s intoxicating the way he’s able to be so open with his feelings. His bold first move to you so many weeks ago hooked you at the very start, and every overt attempt at continuing your blossoming romance pulled you further into his captivating orbit.

“I hope you feel the same way.  I’d like to keep getting to know you for the rest of my life.”

His words melt straight through you—you’re certain your heart is a puddle now.

“I’d like that to,” you murmur in agreement.  “I like you a lot.”

His megawatt smile lights up brighter than the gleaming billboards of Las Vegas and it stirs something inside you that has your core clenching.

 “I like you, a lot, a lot.”  

He doesn’t allow you to retort—instead he presses his lips to yours as he holds himself above your body.  

The kiss is so sweet.  There’s no tongue, no diving in for a taste quite yet.  It’s careful, yet confident.  He kisses you like he’s wanted to kiss you from the moment he set eyes on you.  Even though you’ve shared kisses since your first date, this one feels familiar and yet so different.  It feels like the start of something new.

You kiss him languidly, eventually allowing your tongue to slip through his lips and peruse the cavern of his mouth and slide over his own. He accepts it heartily and allows his own tongue to mimic your movements.  You note that despite his morning breath, he still tastes like something spicy, something sweet, and all together Namjoon and it has you weak.  

His hands move up your body, lifting at your shirt, and you’re eager to accept and let him undress you as his kissing turns hotter and more intense.  He sucks on your lips and smiles as the shirt comes off easily and reveals your bare chest.  You took your bra off the night previous and changed into a dry shirt, after spending an uncomfortable few hours in the rain trying and failing to set up a tent.  

He’s mesmerized by your breasts and the way the yellow light of the sun spreads across your pink nipples.  It nearly makes him salivate and you can feel a growing bulge in his sweats pressing into you. It causes you to feel even needier than you were before.  You’ve wanted this since the moment you saw him, and now you would finally get your chance.

Namjoon lowers his head down towards your chest and eagerly laps at your tits, perky nipples slipping into his mouth and being swirled around his tongue.  It shakes a groan out of you and makes your spine tingle.  He’s smiling around your buds now;  you can tell by the shape of his mouth against you, and it makes your own lips curl into a matching one.

The feeling of his mouth latched to your nipple has your core heated and you’re positive you’re soaking through the thin cotton panties covering you.

“Joon,” you sigh. 

He doesn’t offer a response, only hums around the nipple in his mouth as his other hand comes to pinch and pull at the neglected one.  He cups your breast too, squeezing the ample flesh there and enjoying the way it fills his palms.

“So good,” you encourage.  He doesn’t need much encouragement other than your pleased moans, but he likes that you’re talkative and eager to provide.  

He switches off, allowing the soaked nub to experience the pinch of his fingers as the other gets sucked into his warm mouth and nibbled on by his teeth.

“You’re so pretty,” he coos, eyes flickering between the reddened nipples and your blissful face.  “I’m so lucky.”

Normally, you’d roll your eyes at such a cheesy admittance but now that you’re here experiencing his magic mouth on your chest, it feels less corny and more romantic than anything you’ve ever heard before.

“Joonie,” you sigh again. “I want you.  Need you.”

You’re needy and unashamed of it now.  You can tell by the pleased look on his face that he likes it so there’s no need to hide how you feel.  

Your hand slips down to the growing bulge in his sweats and you grip it tight.  It makes him hiss through his teeth and he nods quickly.

“Yeah, I can see that,” he moans.  “I need you too.”

Your eyes stare into his—he nearly melts at your doe's eyes glossed over with adoration.  He’s sure he could lose all track of time and reality in your gaze.  

He’s tugging off your sleep shorts as quickly as he can, not bothering to take his time and unwrap you like a gift.  He’s past that point now—you can blame your breathy and desperate whines for more for his haste. 

You want to hide, to cover yourself, to not let your whole body be exposed in the blinding light of the morning sun, but when you see Namjoon gape at you like he’s just stumbled upon an angel, you feel the growing embarrassment stop in its tracks and retreat to the far, dark corners of your mind.  Namjoon doesn’t care about the freckles on your legs, the way you feel your body is too much or too little in places it should be different.  Namjoon is seeing you, all of you, and recognizes that he doesn’t think he’ll want anything else the rest of his life.

“I want to blow you,” you start as you sit up on your elbows.  “But, I think… lack of space is against us right now.”  Your cheeks flare red.  You’re bold, but only just enough to get the words out.  Now that they’re out, you feel the flicking flames of regret.

He pushes all embarrassed thoughts away with a sincere chuckle and a kiss to your forehead. 

“I wanna eat you out for a month straight but I might break my leg trying to do it here.  I think we’ll be lucky to do everything the old-fashioned way.”  He winks at you.  There’s no reason to feel stupid or too much around Namjoon.  It’s as if he’s molded, body and personality, to be your perfect match.  It’s complementary in nature and it spurs you into action.

“Fuck me, please,” you gasp.  If he’s phased at all by your plea, he doesn’t show it.  Instead, he smiles and presses you down to lie flat on the bed of your car.  It’s not comfortable—the folded seats aren’t the world’s most comfortable bed, and the blankets and sleeping bags bunch under you awkwardly.  But you don’t care.  It simply doesn’t even enter your thought process to care.  You’re too focused on how Namjoon is kissing you, caressing the skin of your obliques as he travels down to allow his finger to drag through the wetness gathering at the apex of your thighs.  It pulls a loud moan out of you as he skims a finger of your clit and your eyes widen in blissful pleasure.

He smirks against your lips and removes his hands.  He wants to play, oh does he ever want to play, but he thinks if he’s not inside you in the next minute or less, he’ll have an uncomfortable wet spot in his pants and some bruised dignity.  You’re so hot like this he thinks he’ll definitely bust in his pants before he even gets inside of you if he’s not quick.

He pushes the sweats down, kicks them off to some corner of your car and continues kissing you.

He pulls away for a moment as he grips his cock. 

“Shit, I didn’t bring any condoms.”

You bite your lip carefully.  You should have thought ahead but you foolishly always believe the man would be prepared.   He can tell by your features you’re lacking too.

“I mean, I wanted to bring some, but I worried you’d think I was presuming something and I didn’t want-... you know… I didn’t want you to think that’s all I was after.”

His confession makes you nearly cry and you’re thanking whatever god or higher power is up there that this beautiful, considerate, and honest man landed in your lap and soon, in your pussy.

“I’m clean,” you state. “I only have sex with partners.  And it’s been awhile.”  He leans down to kiss you but you interrupt one last time. “And I’m on birth control.”

He smiles at you and presses his lips to yours.  It’s comforting and sweet and still carries the heat of before but it’s held to a simmer.

“I’m clean too,” he replies.  “I actually have the printout of my test results last month in my wallet.”  He blushes at his admittance.  “Most guys carry condoms in their wallets and I just have my STD test results and a Costco membership.”

Uproarious laughter escapes both of you, and you cling to each other as you giggle together.  Your stomach hurts from the force of your laughter and you have to wipe away a few tears as you come down.  

“Maybe we can use that membership to get bulk amounts of condoms, then?” You postulate and it triggers another giggle session.

You’re not sure when the laughing ends and when his request for permission to slide into you starts, but you’re soon nodding your approval and allowing his thick cock to spear into you and stretch you wider than you think you’ve been stretched in your life.

You moan in unison, both overcome by the feel of your tight channel gripping his girth.  Namjoon stills inside of you once he’s fully sheathed and he wraps a hand around the back of your head and lets you rest on it like a pillow.

“Fuuuuck,” he nearly whines. “Shit, you feel so good.”

You whimper a reply, non-verbal agreement that the way he slots himself inside of you feels better than anything you’ve felt before.  He’s big and thick, and it feels like you’ve maybe bitten off more than you can chew but it mellows out to the perfect feeling of fullness and satisfaction.

You wiggle your hips to get him to move and he gets the hint.  He starts a pace that feels slow and gentle. You arch your back into him, press your chest against his.  The slow drag of his cock in and out of you is stimulating, it feels like it’s wired with electricity.  He holds you tight, an arm snaking around your waist and pulling you even closer.

“That’s right, baby,” he praises. “You look so good under me. Taking me so well.” 

Somehow Namjoon knew how much you needed the talking during sex, how you craved the interaction verbally as much as you needed it physically.  It spurs you on, gets you even wetter and you clench around him.  He notices and bites his lip.  He’s being rewarded for his gentle dirty talk and he’s encouraged to do it even more.

He picks up the pace and clings to you, eyes flickering between your face, your bouncing tits and the way his dick disappears inside of you and reappears covered in your creamy essence.

“Oh, baby,” he groans.  “You’re so good, baby.  Look at you making my cock all creamy.”

It’s impossible now to hold back your cries of passion.  He ups his pace, makes his strokes deeper and faster and it hits the spot inside you that makes your toes curl.  It feels like your every pore is soaking in every aspect of Namjoon.  Not only does your cunt accept him inside you, but your body craves to have him in your bloodstream.

“Yes, Joonie, yes!” Your hips match his pace and you’re spewing all the praise you can at the man above you. He feels so good inside you, feels like he’s lighting something you didn’t know was extinguished to begin with.

He pumps harder and moves his hands to your hips and grips tightly.  He watches as he continues to drill into you and it hypnotizes him.  The way you feel combined with the way your body sucks him in has him captivated.

Your combined breath heats the car, the windows steaming up from the heat in your pants.  Your skin feels clammy and the sheen of sweat appears on Namjoon’s forehead but none of it fucking matters.  All that matters is the way he pounds into you and pushes you closer and closer to the edge of euphoria that has you raking your hands on any surface of his skin you can reach, leaving trails of fire red lines in your wake.

“Close! Holy fuck, Namjoon!” You cry as your back tips up towards him again.  The coil in your belly is tightening impossibly—it feels like you’re cresting an enormous tidal wave.   “Gonna cum, Joon!”  

Namjoon goes even faster, determined to make you hit your high when he does and he’s nearly there.  Just a little more, a little longer.  

The increase in speed and intensity does the trick for both of you and the loud echo of your moans ring through the small enclosure of the car.  Namjoon pumps himself into your womb, suddenly grateful he knows you’re protected because he didn’t even comprehend a finish other than inside you.   You’re spasming around him and it feels so impossibly tight, tighter than a vice grip, and it makes him whine needily as you milk his cock for all he’s worth.

It takes nearly five minutes to regain complete consciousness and the ability to speak again.  Your breathing evens out from the heavy, gasping pants to light inhales.  Namjoon falls to lie beside you, pressing you into him as he pushes his sticky, sweaty hair out of his face.  

The sound of you laughing shakes Namjoon from his post-coital bliss.  He peers down at your curiously.

“Okay, what is so funny?” He asks.

You snort as you point a finger behind him.  He turns to look and sees an opened container of meat and cheese from your makeshift dinner the night before strewn about the car.  There're pieces of lunchmeat and cheese everywhere, stuck to the sleeping bag and the car seats.

“We fucked on top of cheese.”

Namjoon can’t help but laugh as he pulls you in closer and nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck.

Yeah, he’s found the one. He’s sure of it.

[neuvillette]

Paperwork - FrUK Fic (18+ish)

During the industrial boom in England, someone in particular has been working himself to the bone.

Fuck... There it was again, that near-painful pang in his ribs from thinking about that bastard. That arrogant prick had whispered to him so closely that day so long ago that the memory of the hot breath from his lips still seemed to be lingering on his ears-- or was that just his own fiery blush? Either way, it wasn't going anywhere. Whenever he was alone his thoughts would instantly crack back to that insufferable shit. How his lips were so plush and too naturally red to be decent... How those blue eyes drifted lazily along wherever they pleased, often up and down his body. How he hoped that they one day would look back at him so pleadingly, begging for something almost too shameful to fulfill. He knew approximately how the man looked under his clothes, since he was prone to low cut shirts, high hems, translucent fabric. He had a tight waist and broad shoulders, he had hips that almost could be considered too wide, ones that would probably be good to hold onto tightly and grip red marks into. His chest, like much of his body, was soft, not flabby exactly, but plush enough to squeeze and nibble at. Fuck, FUCK, that pang came again, searing through his chest as he battled to think of something else. He had work to get done, and a lot of it. These kinds of thoughts were not only immoral but incredibly inconvenient, and the toll they took on his body meant he had to go through an arduous process to relieve himself, if only for a little while. His teeth all pressed down together as his jaw clenched, he could feel the pressure all throughout his face as he tried to just get on with it. There wasn't that much paperwork left, right? Just a bit more. A small distraction would do him some good. He only realised he was tapping his mostly-dry dip pen against his desk when he noticed how the rhythm was starting to seep elsewhere into his mind; tap tap tap, thrusts against a document, against something soft, warm, moans echoing in arches over the staccato beat, and--- He dropped the pen unceremoniously onto his desk, caked-on ink splattering down as he pressed his forehead into his hand. He had been slipping too hard recently. His bosses hadn’t been pleased with his work as of late; though he had been toiling during similar hours and put in the same effort he always had, they said he needed to rise up to meet changing standards. He used to do work with his hands, but that wasn’t needed anymore. He used to be their guard dog, or at least their work horse. For everything it was, at least the action of his youth was invigorating. At least he wasn’t monitored, and had time to do things for himself, instead of being their tool all hours of the day. He had time to work with his hands, his hands. To create things that were valuable, that were helpful to the, to his, people around him. Now he was… well. He was expendable. But not so expendable that they would waste his capacity to do paperwork. Industry was booming, one couldn’t just expect to stand by with what had been accepted in the past. Labour was becoming more standardised, more efficient, more impersonal… Not that he had ever been the most personable chap. While he enjoyed working with his hands, making things one by one, the gritty way, the difficult way, he made efforts to internalise what they had said to him. They needed his mind, his edge, to work on this stuff. That’s what he was for, after all; not forging swords, not stringing bows, not tilling soil or growing things; but intellectual, gentlemanly, removed work. Detached, necessary, proper. It suited him, he tried to tell himself. He wasn’t one easily inclined to the personable, nor to saccharine slop… Not when communicating with others, anyhow. Buried and smeared while being hidden amongst mounds of paperwork were brief scribbles of poetry, of sketches of mistily reimagined silhouettes, flowing romantic prose incapable of coming out through his own halting speech, of faintly grasped memories of torrid expressions he needed to recall through flowing strokes of a figure, but those all were secrets even he wasn’t meant to have access to. Shameful, that’s what it was. Inefficient, ineffective, and shameful. An outlet for his needs to make something, perhaps, but… Certainly they sated other desires as well.

The distance between them should have helped; should have given him time to correct and corral his feelings, mold them back into form briskly, scaldingly, sharply--as one does when shaping copper. Instead he had gone too soft, too half-hearted, and his self-inflicted blows to his psyche had been too gentle. The metal of his desire had set and crisped up before he could steer himself back on track, and now he had to re-anneal, to subject himself back to fiery disavowal and guilt before the exacting measures of self-restraint would be effective. Yes, he quite liked that idea. He couldn’t have his metallurgy back but he could certainly think of his rehabilitation as such. He had forged many a sword, an arrow tip, an axe, before. His personality would be the same. Scalded and quenched and hammered into shape. And with his skill he could tap incessantly, exactingly, forcefully thrusting against the teasingly giving metal and-- blast it, again! It was achingly difficult to ignore. The distance only seemed to make his delinquent misgivings have more courage to rise up again out of turn. When he was face to face with those capricious blue eyes long enough to remember the wretched personality that tagged along with them it was easier to keep his goal in mind, but the longer he went without a glimpse of the sour man himself, the more alluring the rest of it seemed. Had they even written letters? Well, he hadn’t sent any. He had received a fair handful until they had run dry. He had almost convinced himself that he was glad of it. A few lines in the others flowery script were too laden with implications to be safe; he had already resigned himself to the idea of his correspondence being read at his supervisor’s discretion, so it was best if the letters wasted away entirely rather than risk the uncovery by his betters of whatever hintingly depraved thing would find itself penned inside a perfumed envelope. Near the end of their dispatchment, the notes had gotten quite irritated it seemed, demanding reply. His excuse for his silence was that he simply didn’t have time to dally on such things, but in truth he wanted to show himself that he could deny the temptation. It was easy to tell himself that he had enough to worry about with dozens of signatures to scrawl, appeals and drafts to write, documents and proposals to uncritically approve. With considerable effort, he plucked the intricately carved ivory dip pen off of the desk before blotting it back into his blue-glass inkwell. Just a few more of these documents and he’d be able to wallow in his own home instead of his suffocating office. The half-hearted, half-present signatures left a streaky trail of black as his newly inkstained hand trailed across the page, though the final few letters were jaggedly interrupted with a rapping at the office door.

“Yes, sir, I’ve already said I would finish them by today,” his calling tone was harsh but clearly deferent; he was a lively one, but part of being a man was knowing his duty and thusly his place. Even so, he didn’t bother glancing up from his efforts to correct the broken signing at the tail end of the page as the door slowly opened, creaking unceremoniously.

“If it’s really necessary I can work past my contractual hour, though I must note that your well-intentioned checkings-in aren’t conducive to getting any actual work done.” This comment was much more pointed, though not so much so as to be crossing a line. Still, the silent presence above his desk, looming, made him rethink his words for a slight moment before he got the better of himself. No need to look up as if they can dole out some sort of punishment! To you, of all people! No, you’re working together under the same sense of duty… Right? Keep your head down and show them your dedication and vigour. If they’ve got a problem they can bloody well deal with it, that’s not something that’s important enough to interrupt this work.

« Ah. Scribbling pen names has stopped you from writing back ? You are a much more petulant boy than before, their puppy-dog training is not working on you. » The two sentences were connected not in theme but in the rolling, keen tone they were carried by. The former was a lazy observation and the latter was crafted solely to rile him up. The door quietly shut behind, and there was a graceful and soundless moment afterwards. In a second of skillful self-control, he did not drop the pen but instead cooly placed its nib back into its proper receptacle, as much as he was inclined to throw it at his guest. For a flitting pause, a scorching rage surged through him. What about no reply hadn’t gotten through that dense skull, and what made him think, after it all, that he could flicker back in, no doubt impermanently, just to ruin all his progress, and--

God he needed to see him.

He would not ever, never, let him know that.

“As spineless and will-less as ever, then, Bonnefoy. Resolute enough to travel across the channel to be a nuisance but not enough to do any work or get any admirable aims in life.” Fuck, that hadn’t enough venom, it was transparent and flimsy. Traceable. He made sure his glower was deep enough to offset what he was certain was too-soft a rebuttal. It hadn’t done enough, though.

« So you have missed me ! Yes, you know, I do enjoy to come here and to anger you. » A quick beat passed.

« You know I had to come and-- mmm… scorn you for ungentlemanly not replying to my letters. » Well, it seemed he was being equally as transparent. He almost shivered. It was one thing to have his feelings discovered, but if they both were in agreement over what was happening, it was much more difficult to steer away from what was coming.

“Scold. You mean scold.” He added curtly, taking his pen back up as he glanced back down at his paperwork. He had been staring at his face up until then, he just realised. Blue eyes as infuriating as ever, that new obnoxious french hairstyle, the unneeded tightness in the waist and legs of the waistcoat and trousers, the volatile expression of something genuine.

“Your english still hasn’t improved.” He continued with a comment he knew would be ignored, but he needed to get it out there. Keep up the guise of nagging conversation.

« Your office is so away from the rest in here. Isolated like always. And no windows, a prison ! Poor little sad Englishman, and of course no time to write letters, not one bit. » They were talking by, not to, each other, though they were saying the same things. He had decided to sit upon the edge of the bureau, clearly an excuse to stir up some fabricated bile for their equally as convincing argument.

“I’m working upon this desk, thank you! And I’ve been working for months now. You were not invited and are not wanted; you’ve found your way in and can find your way out. Good day, Bonnefoy.” His pulse was hammering now, if only he could direct it at that copper-- beat his will into place, keep it straight and unmarred, stay determined. The Frenchman was simply smiling away with that look of acute, cutting, though well-intended observation. He was not going to leave on his own. With a return of the pen to its place, he stood, making an attempt to usher his unwelcome guest out. Francis rose as well, and as he did so the Englishman made no further attempt to get to his office door. Instead they stood together, steadfast.

« Say hello to me. It’s been so long, and I want to hear it and you want to say it. Just hello. » It was a tender plea as much as it was a command. The fool really thought he was entitled to it, but only in the way two who have known each other a long time are entitled to hear the news of someone’s workday or what dreams filled their last night’s sleep. They weren’t touching, but they could. His own face was beet red as he decided whether or not he should deny the request, angry and upset at more than the situation and himself. It was boiling over, the tapping beats in his chest and throat weren’t subsiding. He had to do something. He wished he had a bloody window so he could toss the intruder out of it, grasp him by his ruffled collar and throw him out the door, or against a wall, or over his desk, or--

“You-- I can’t believe you--” He was cut off by a look, and maybe Francis had moved forward slightly with his deep gaze, bridged the gap a little to make it easier, but maybe he hadn’t, and maybe he had grabbed at the nicely pressed wool jacket of his own accord, pulled at the stupidly styled french coif to reach for a kiss, to stumble into the wall behind them all on his own. He certainly was the one pressing them together, at least preliminarily. Bonnefoy, having planned something along these lines, was quick to fill in the needed friction after a blink.

« That’s-- hmm… one way to say hello. » The teasing tone was almost enough to make him stop entirely and snap him out of it, possibly stear himself back onto a more proper path, but Francis was smiling again and it was just too earnest as he craned his neck back in anticipation to be kissed there. They both knew this was the only hello he’d be able to manage. Any further acknowledgement of a budding warmth between them beyond the physical was more than he could honestly bear. For now, the more openly flagrant refusal of the two to meet gentlemanly expectations would have to be their letters that were few and far between, punctuated by occasional tysts like this, though the sentiment always lingered, and he was afraid it was growing. He had a period in his youth, with no supervision on open seas, when he didn’t hold himself to such a high standard in these matters. It had taken a fair amount of diligence to push himself back on track, but now--... Well, he could feel himself slipping again, but this time he knew better. Somehow the refutation of his desires of it all made it all the more difficult to deny. But Francis wasn’t giving him much pause to think more deeply about these things, and the wretched glint in his eye made it seem like he knew just what was on his mind. Why did he always know!? It hurt, to be so well understood in a shame the other refused to acknowledge. When had Francis ever been shameful of anything? He pretended to be, but only to be irritating. Every so often when they’d do this, he’d resort to saying such horrible things about how he relished his sanctity being soiled when they both knew perfectly well that no such thing was ever there in the first place. Francis made no signs to do so tonight, not as impatient hands were fiddling with buttons and edging him over to sit back on top of the desk. That pansy French fashion was great for enticing the eye but by god, the buttons! Warm, manicured hands met his and Bonneyfoy grinned.

« You do not need to open my shirt. » What a stupid assumption.

“Just because I don’t-- stop that! I can do it on my own, you’re not making it any easier. I could just rip the damn thing if you prefer-- I don’t have to but. Well, I get to,” His huff was met with an expression that looked sickeningly soft. Was this not injustice enough? To acquiesce to desire, but now his carnal lusts were being interpreted as tenderness! Maybe it was a bit of that, but blast it, Francis could at least pretend he didn’t know. It wasn’t like this was something special for him, anyway. That fop was getting it on with anything that moved and looked his way, and now Francis was lording it over him that he liked him! He was probably smug, pleased that he had ordained to come down and give him the pleasure of a single, solitary fuck while he was off cavorting with--

« Please, let me. You’re tense, I can help. » There he went with that tenderness again, too visceral to be faked. The beat in time of the two sharing a glance was raw and it shut him up quite well. Francis kept chatting as he placed the Englishman’s hands under his shirt as he nimbly undid his own buttons. The other was content to grab about underneath as he waited.

« You need to learn to say no to them. Get more time away. They make you feel worse inside, and that is not very handsome at all. » And there he went with the sap. It was easy to slide his hands around to the small of Francis’s back and hold him steady as he kissed him to shut the man up. Surprisingly, Francis pushed him away to finish opening his buttons. The Englishman did not appreciate that.

« Despair is becoming on you, but even you need to be patient. I’m not going anywhere. » They both knew that wasn’t true, but he wasn’t complaining when Francis plucked his own cold hands out of the back of the Frenchman’s trousers and placed them on the man's freshly revealed chest. He could feel Francis shiver under him, his own hands were much colder than the other’s hot skin. A moment of impulse made him squeeze possibly a bit more roughly than he should have, and Francis did that little gasping moan of his he always did. It had  been so long that he hardly remembered it anymore, but it was quite the experience to hear it again. The more he groped the chest, the tighter the legs around his waist would get. Oh, his poor paperwork, it was only slightly out of the way of being crushed and pushed about… Maybe he could move it before they got on with it all, it would only take a--

That familiar warm hand grabbed his jaw tightly and pulled his gaze back away from the documents on his desk, the both of them pausing only for a moment before they kissed again and all thought of paperwork was forgotten in favour of instant gratification. He could feel Francis smile triumphantly as he kept up his slightly desperate grabbing and squeezing, his hips starting to move up against the open legs resting on his desk. It was rather ungraceful, Francis’s legs snaked tight around him as he pressed their bodies together. In the one moment before he would no longer be able to resist himself, a clutching shock of guilt crackled through his chest. Unbeknownst to him, his face contorted slightly, a grimace of pain and reconsideration. Francis didn’t see, or, at least, didn’t pause. Instead, the hot, slender fingers that still held his jaw were keeping the pair kissing as a rhythm not dissimilar to one that the Englishman was familiar with was hammered out against the solid office desk. If only he could say he forgot the expectations of his bosses and the world at large for those moments, but he couldn’t. His will was stronger, however. At least, his will when combined with his desires. Besides, it was difficult to pause when his pervasive nuisance was sitting its fat arse on his desk, when they were clutched and and hugging together as tightly as his wax seals pressed to his paperwork that was currently watching the display. His hands were suddenly disordered-- after months, years even, of writing when told to, shaking hands properly, adjusting ties, now they had free reign to fly wherever they fancied. Tangled in bouncing blond locks one moment, then back squeezing his partner’s chest, then slipped down the back of the loosened trousers upon his bureau. There wasn’t much time until the nonsensical French interjections fizzled into dripping moans, and even less of a beat until a quicker, tense breath of air joined in. Chests still together, their hearts raced. He was the first to pull away and face the wall with a few curses as Francis was left sitting. Realising the fruitlessness of any attempt to clean himself there, he circled around to tend to the ever-patient papers awaiting his return as he dutifully stacked them in his carrying case.

“I should be going, then. These need finishing. Ta.” Miraculously, he found the coldness he had been attempting to muster up upon his companion’s arrival, though it was a tad too late. Francis wasn’t altogether pleased with the change in tone, although he understood the haste required after their torrid encounter.

« But I need a-- Angleterre, you-- ! » His shirt unbuttoned and tousled, and his trousers hanging off of his hips, Francis slipped to place himself in front of the door.

« You are bringing me to your flat, or your kennel, or wherever it is they keep you when you aren’t here. »

“Not if you’re going to speak French, I won’t.” A raised eyebrow came with the easy, chilled reply.

« Do not get smart with me. » Francis shot back, deft fingers working to button his shirt and press down his clothing as swiftly and naturally as bird preening itself. The other’s stern expression and eyes looking elsewhere told him as much as he needed to know. He softened, if only slightly.

« Look, I’m just as presentable as you. It’s a business trip, would that make you feel better ? I won’t bother you as you do your paperwork. I’ll even make you tea and something real to eat as you finish up. Hein ? »

Another few beats between them, and, ever the gentleman, he opened the door for Francis after giving them both a once-over.

“We’ll need to be quick, alright? These pants are already uncomf--... Go.” He gestured briskly out the door, and followed after the other man who seemed far more pleased with himself and the situation. What was he doing? Why was he-- well, that didn’t matter. All he had to worry about was getting back to his own room and not being seen by anyone in so disheveled a state… Besides, Francis seemed to be making no effort to be inconspicuous-- loudly asking for directions to his living arrangements because it had just been so long since he had seen them, and in French, no less. Though determined not to look at him, what made it worse was that he could just sense that sickening grin creeping up Francis’s face, spreading more and more by the minute. If only he had just remembered how irritating and inconvenient, unprofessional and repulsive the Frenchman was… Being apart for so long made him more alluring when he really knew what the bastard was like. If he had been prepared, why, he wouldn’t be bounding after him, through dirty, smoggy streets; his heart racing, his stern glare only slightly beating out the flutter in his chest and the small twitch at the corner of his lips. Incorrigible.

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Prove Me Wrong

Summary: She can trust you, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

Warning: 18+ Mental Health, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Violence, Smut

Chapter 7

****** 

You’d stepped outside of being professional. Childishly you began to avoid Natasha, not that it was hard since she was avoiding you as well.

She hadn’t been to a session in two weeks and you hadn’t said anything to her about it. 

All because you’re crushing on her.

Which you really can’t understand. 

What had happened between you two for you to develop these feelings? It couldn’t be your sessions. If that were the case you’d have feelings for the whole damn team. Stronger ones at that because the woman was the furthest from opening up to you. 

On the third Friday as you’re sitting in your office working you realize how hypocritical your actions are.

Your whole time here you’ve been telling everyone to address their feelings. Telling them that letting their emotions in was the first step to coping with them. And here you are blatantly ignoring your feelings and not coping at all.

Taking a page from your own book, you pull out an empty notebook and start writing it down. Everything you can think that brought on your feelings for the woman, minus the fact that she’s drop dead gorgeous. 

By the time your page is full, even the little space outside the red margin, you don’t see how you ignored it.

It’d taken you merely a few weeks to start falling for this woman. Her loyalty, her stubbornness, her intelligence, her sass, her confidence, the way she challenges you, her dry sometimes missable humor, that damn smirk, and those green eyes. 

Even scarier, is looking at the page and realizing that she hadn’t even fully opened up to you. If you’ve already started falling for her over this, obviously, little bit of who she is, you’re for sure to be a goner if you ever learn everything about her. 

Groaning, you slouch down in your chair, the force of your fall pushing the wheels back a little. 

Suddenly you feel the brush of, what feels like, silk across your calf. It’s warm, and despite it’s firmness, it seems to mold around your leg. 

You jump back a little, eyes snapping down to the shadow underneath your desk.

Before you can fully panic though, it moves into the light of your office. Tiny brown eyes stare back into your e/c ones and the small black cat cautiously brushes against your leg again.

Confused as to where it came from, but still finding it adorable, you reach down and run your hand over it’s back. You feel the purr coming from the feline before it actually sounds and the second it does, you relax a little. 

“Where did you come from cutie?” 

It’s head tilts at your question and you nod. 

You pick the little thing up and stand, going in search for where it could’ve come from. Honestly you wouldn’t be surprised if it managed to sneak in here. The team could spot an enemy from yards away but definitely not have noticed the presence of this little cutie.

They hadn’t noticed Goose until the day Carol left. Shocked and confused expressions passed when she picked the cat up. So yeah, this one could’ve easily slipped pass them.

Surprisingly, the source of his presence, makes itself known about halfway down the hall. 

The red head you’d been avidly dodging rounds the corner, a small red collar between her fingers, and a determined look on her face.

A grey cardigan flows out by her legs, opened wide enough for you to see the black stretch pants and green crop top she’s paired with it. 

You hadn’t added ‘Abs’ to the list but you should have.

“Missing something?” You teasingly ask, just barely holding up the black cat in your arms. 

Natasha’s brows raise ever so slightly, the only sign of relief you get. She approaches, collar now gripped in her hands as she keeps her gaze trained on the animal. 

“He snuck into my office, scared me half to death.” You tell her.

“It’s a she. Her name’s Liho.” She speaks and god you hadn’t realized you’d missed her voice. 

You nod, and hold her out to Natasha. The red head takes her, careful not to let your fingers brush under the cat’s belly. 

Biting your lip, you let your eyes wander over everything in the hallway but her. Missing when she finally looks at you, eyes racking over your form, lingering on your face. 

The silence is awkward. While before it had been a little tense but mainly empty. 

You hate it. 

Natasha is just about to turn on her heel and leave when you sigh.

“Can we talk?” God it sounds like you’re about to break up with her. Like something bad had gone down in your relationship when in reality there had barely been one to begin with. 

Her green eyes move to you, looking at your nose instead of your eyes.

“In my office, please?” Begging, nice. 

Silence. 

Just before you can mumble out a never mind, she nods. 

You smile, only a little, and nod. Turning around to head back to where you came from, this time accompanied by the source of your anxiousness and her new feline friend. 

Once in the room, you shut the door, and settle yourself on the edge of the couch. Whether this is a long talk or not you figure it be best you not stand.

Like she use to, Natasha opts out of sitting, instead walking around your office. She’s canvased the room some many times you aren’t even what she could possibly have to really look at anymore.

But she finds something.

“Reasons why I like her?” She’s reading the statement right off the page but her tone is questioning.

She’s unsure what it is but you know. It’s why you internally panic. 

Is it physically possible for your heart to drop? If a doctor checked your body now would they actually find your heart in your stomach? Because it feels like they would. 

Natasha stands over your desk, fingers brushing the inked pages, Liho in her other hand looking on as if she can read it too. 

“Wit. Green eyes. Stubbornness,” she keeps reading,“ gorgeous red hair. That damn smirk.” 

You’re frozen. Like, giving Cap a run for his money, frozen. 

All you had to do was close it. Maybe put it in one of the many fingerprint locked filing cabinets, hell even a drawer. But no. 

“Are these about me?” She looks from the paper to you, green eyes as intimidating as you’d ever seen them.

There has to be a god at play here. Maybe Hera, the goddess of love setting this up knowing something you don’t. Or Loki, the god of mischief playing at what would soon be a good laugh. 

Natasha abandons the notebook, rounding your desk to step just a little closer to you,“ Y/N?” 

“You weren’t supposed to see that. I wasn’t supposed to see that.” You stand, taking barely a step towards her,“ I shouldn’t have written it but I didn’t know how else to make sense of what I’m feeling and I’m sorry.” 

All over the place, good job. 

Her head raises a little. Not to look down on you but to still herself.“ What are you feeling?” 

“Isn’t that my line?” 

She cracks a smile at your little joke, but those eyes retain the question. 

You sigh,“ if I could explain it the right way I would but, I guess, I think I like you. Which is insane cause it’s not like we actually know each other. It’s not like we’ve spent that kind of time together. Still, here I am, thinking and rethinking and making lists.”

Pushing yourself to stand up, you walk over to your desk. Fingers brush over the words on the paper. You now notice that you wrote so hard it bled through to the other pages. 

“I’m sorry if my honesty is scary. It terrifies me. We barely know each other and here I am saying I like you.” 

Her eyebrow quirks at that. 

“Do you really believe we don’t know each other?” She turns to face you,“ I know I misjudged you but I think I have a good idea of who you are.”

You watch her, suppressing the urge to laugh when she lets Liho down on your desk, the cat walking over to you and pressing itself into your stomach. 

And Natasha watches you.

Is she really about to give in, again? Admit her feelings for you just like that.

You notice her eyes had drifted from yours and you search them for the reason why. When she’d spoken before it was with pure confidence and now her eyes hold insecurities. 

Whatever she’s thinking has made her unsure of what she had meant to say. And makes you all the more curious.

Her thoughts continue to race. Is it worth the risk? Are you worth the risk? 

Taking a deep breath in, she releases it and looks into your eyes again.“ You’re compassionate, smart, patient, annoyingly adorable.” She gives you a small smile,“ and even though I’m sure there’s more to learn,” the insecurity lessens replaced with something else, something stronger,“ I like you for everything I already know.” 

You were able to recover the last time you froze, now though you don’t think you will.

Did she just say she likes you? 

Natasha ‘I want nothing to do with your therapy’ Romanoff likes you?

Carol was right! You should’ve known she was. 

You’ve been avoiding each other for weeks all because you were to tied up in your own head. 

“Now I feel dumb for not telling you before.” 

Once again she’s frowning, head tilted a little.“ Before?”

“At the anniversary dinner. When I danced with Carol she said something about you liking me and I disregarded it because let’s face it I thought you barely tolerated me. It seems I was wrong.”

Slight annoyance passes her expression at the thought of Danvers outing her to you. But she pushes that away to focus on the situation at hand.

The woman moves to lean on your desk,“ I have to apologize for the way I acted towards you when you first arrived and recently as well. You were nothing but kind to me and-”

“You don’t have to. Really. I didn’t expect, well I actually kept myself from expecting anything when I was called in so nothing you did hurt my feelings. And it was much nicer than some of the reactions I’ve received.” A breathy chuckle leaves your lips.“ Besides, I’m assuming it’s water under the bridge?” 

Her eyes narrow,“ is it?” 

With wide eyes, you look at her in panic. 

She smiles amusedly,“ it is. I was just joking. Though, I’d like to make it up to you.”

Biting your lip, you ask,“ how so?”

“A date.”

******

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