#things in literature i could write an essay about fr

[lesbiansoncaffiene]

Listen the writing for AFTG might be mediocre at best and there may be some of the biggest plot holes to ever exist and the plot itself might be batshit crazy but that switch in narration from Neil to Nathaniel ?

OOHOHO

I eat that shit up EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

[theflatpackangel]

I finished in memoriam today, it is safe to say that my review was arguably more detailed than any essay I’ve ever had the misfortune to write.

BUT OH MY GOD?

How dare you Alice Winn. How. Dare. You.

I could literally go on for hours about the symbolism and things, GCSE literature is not for the weak because it will HAUNT EVERYTHING YOU READ.

Also Gideon Devi? Ally of the century and one of my personal favourites? Why don’t I get to find out more about where he’s gone man 😭

AND WHERE IS ARCHIE? WHERE DID HE GO?

Many thoughts to think whilst I make my drawings fr

(Special mention to the central heating guy who discovered me midway through Gaunts time in the prisoner of war camp)

[joanofexys]

about yapping: my current topic of predilection that nobody seems to get is how nonexistent school teachings about animals are.

for ref, i'm from Québec, Canada, and truly learned nothing about animals from preschool all the way to uni. until last year i didn't know sharks were fish (most of them) and not mammals. i only discovered my passion for monkeys and apes at uni, by luckily having the option to have a primatology class as an elective. vet tech for zoos? never knew that was an option. whale psychology? don't know her! dogs????

my Indian friend has taught me many things from her mandatory, government approved cursus, and that's when it truly clicked that i knew jackshit and never had the opportunity either.

wbu?

WAIT FR???

I'm in the US so I can't say we learned a ton but it was def like a focus. Especially in bio class. Idk I talked about animals a lot. We had animal science specific classes. I looked at specimens and shit all the time. In elementary school we had to do multiple presentations a year on different animals of our choice

It's not like a super heavy part of our learning unless you decide to specialize in it but that's crazy to me that it's just not a focus at all (my little kid self with differing hyperfixations on a variety of animals just could not help it)

Idk I think my big school related hangup is abt like the way people treat English classes and the lack of recognition that they are actively media literacy classes. I think if I don't end up majoring in journalism that I'll be an English major (I graduated with double the required English credits lmao). And also how it bothers me how little variety tends to be offered for English credits. Kids gain a lot more from English courses when you give them options for how they gain those credits. I took creative writing 1, then 3, then 1 again, then 2 all throughout high school. I did English honors, English 11, and a college English course. I took Mythology and Film & Lit and Mystery. And I don't know I guess I have always loved it but also being offered that variety really fueled my passion for it and I think if it was taught more that kids don't have to be good at writing essays or have perfect grammar to still understand media and enjoy literature and be able to articulate what they gained from it that there would be a lot more people actively recognizing that English teaches good media literacy when you bother to give it the time of day. And yeah my grammar was complete shit through all of that. It's late. I don't care. I just feel really passionate about English classes

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[b4sszameg]

God I hate how everything is getting better. No like I mean I love it but it’s like,,, so weiirddd

Like ugh. Like, is there gonna be a point where everything is perfect? Or what xdd. Also, why are we even talking about this whole driving stuff. There are much more serious issues. You know, at least drivers do it by accident. There are so many women out there getting fucking raped and we’re talking about raising the mInImUm dRiVinG aGe?? Who even gives a shit, let’s be honest, babycakes.

Oh and let’s not even bring up all the LGBTQ+ ppl, getting beaten up for like?? Pretty much just existing???

It’s literally so fucked up lol.

But like, it’s kind of an interesting thought. I mean like, the thought that the world is always getting better. It’s fucking crazy, isn’t it? Haha ok I’m already way over the word count but this isn’t even about the topic soo who cares, I’m just gonna write all this shit out of my head.

So, you know, it’s so interesting, that people are starting to see each other!! And they’ve started considering that hmmm maybe I’m not the main character in everyones life. Ohhh also, this is such a great thought isn’t it?? Like, I wrote this into my literature essay (btw what even is an essay?? My mom asked me the difference between that and fogalmazás and I have literally No IdeaTM) but didn’t have the energy to talk about it more so I just stuffed the whole thing with 9s. Lmao it was hilarious. And I still got 12 points out of 15 soo who’s the real winner here hehh

Ok so. The point of the thought is, that you know. Everyone’s the main character. But everyone has a different story. So you’re only the main character of your own book. You’re a side character in literally everyone else’s. It’s deep isn’t it? So like, there are so many people who want to be everyone’s main character. Like babe why would you even want that xdddddd. Ur AL FUCKIN READY the main character. In the only story that actually counts for you. And that story is your own one.

LMFAOOO I’m at 397 words T-T

God I wanna talk to someone. Anyone. But my dearest mum took my phone away. But like, it’s fine, we made a pact so if I fix my daily routine and keep it up for this whole week, I can keep my phone all day *peace sign emoji*

Also, if I fix my physics grade and make it to be over 3,0 I can get my bindersss!!

It’s kinda cruel of her to not give them to me unless I do that because like,,, girl I am constantly facing incredible gender dysphoria LMAOOO

so yeah, that’s a funny one. Okay I should get back to doing this shitty ass essay normallyyyy…..

oh my fucking god. I just remembered how beautiful and cute and hot and sexy and perfect they are. And how they will never love my pathetic ass back. But like it’s fine, this is in God’s plan for making me sexier but ughhh I’m already sexy as hell am I not.

Anyways let’s talk about how perfectly their mouth is shaped. And about their eyes. Ands their eyeliner. Oh god that eyeliner. That shit is so sexy I do not think you understand. And their hair. God I just wanna touch it so bad. Ughhh it’s so hot. Like the little waves…and stuff…it is so fucking hot. So goddamn got. Do they have a licence for being hot? I feel like they should. Also I’m always wondering about…where did they leave their wings? Like no this question is genuine. There’s no way in hell they didn’t/ don’t have one. Like fr, cmon… they’re the definition of angel. Ugh I love them so much. I know I should move on but ugh… first of all that shit’s harder done than said second of all what if I don’t want to? What if I just want to vibe here? Like this? I need sleeeeep….

Omg lol why didn’t I tell you about their jawline?? That jawline is just

Fucking perfection.

P. E. R. F. E. C. T. I. O. N.

If he don’t love them back he can look forward to a serious ass whooping. But there’s no way he won’t. Why would anybody not love them. How could anybody look at them and not think “yeah this is the perfect shape of human form and I would do literally anything for this majestic human being”?

AND YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO TALK ABOUT THE FRÖG HIP TATTOO YOU DO NOT WANT ME TO DO THAT I---

do you know what I need. A fucking sword. With flaamees. God I need that. A sword. Swords are the best thing in life. After love ofc.

Also I need to get drunk. Idk I just need it. I need to say my thoughts, out loud. I need it. I just do yaknoww…

Ok so yesterday night my english assigment was to write a 100 words essay but ofc i couldn't focus so i wrote 1 and a half pages but the problem is that it has literally nothing to do with the topic but ive spent sm time doing it and since tumblr is everyones notes app ive just decided imma share it here lmao

[lesbiansoncaffiene]

Religion/Spirituality in the Grishaverse (I am thinking thoughts)

I wanna talk about Leigh Bargudo’s handling of religiosity in the Grishaverse, especially within the Crows (Inej and Matthias) and how much it means to me as a religious person

So. So so so so so. I’m not sure how to exactly explain this feeling but I’m in love with the way Leigh wrote the religious aspects of Inej and Matthias’ characters, and how much it spoke to me as a religious person the same age as the characters (16-18-ish)

For both, their religion is something they grow up with, ingrained in them throughout childhood and while it may have wavered within both as they go through life (Matthias meeting Nina and Inej getting kidnapped) they still maintain a connection to their respective higher powers.

And that’s something you don’t really see a lot in books, especially YA books, since it’s either never mentioned or rejected by the characters/society (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but this characterization of young people who are tasked with so much and still choose to believe in something greater than themselves is very personal to me and a big split from the usual narrative.

I dunno, but the little aspects of their faith journeys, like Inej saying a prayer after winning a fight or Matthias staying connected to Djel in Hellgate, that really speaks to me. Because religion doesn’t have to be this huge show, it really can just be a girl thanking her Saints for her life.

And on the topic of Saints, I’m high-key obsessed with Leigh’s decision to make Saints as opposed to a bunch of gods/demigods. Saints are something that are mostly seen in Catholic/Christian doctrine, and seeing her include Saints made me feel more connected to the universe she created, as someone who is a practicing Catholic.

(Also Inej naming her daggers after Saints?? Icon)

Another element I found to be really touching was the fact that both Inej and Matthias are shown struggling with their faith. A lot of times, characters are shown being pretty cemented in their faith if they have ones and we get a glimpse of two kids (cause they are) who are struggling with the things they’ve done and things that have been done to them, and still maintaining their faith.

Especially Inej, grappling with the fact that she’s a whole ass-assassin, and still maintaining her faith for forgiveness. Which, I for one, fully believe that she would be forgiven, cause she has a good heart, and does what she does to survive.

I could go on (I could write a whole essay about this fr), but these are just some main thoughts on religion in the Grishaverse and how much it means to me as a religious person (a folk Catholic, specifically). My religion is a big part of my life because of the things that have happened in it and my reaction to them, and it’s really cool to see that reflected in YA literature