#things i never thought id think about
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Alright I got wedding brain. I have to go to ten weddings this summer. So for Hyde and Cody. Who is Cody best man if they were to get married?
(this whole thing turned so much more unhinged than I ever thought possible, I would be sorry, but u asked me and if there's one thing I've proven, it's that my brain turns things weird)
I mean, my first thought would be Rex, wouldn't it?
Despite the distance that has built itself between Cody and most of his siblings, Rex stuck. But that has to do with the fact that Rex is the younger sibling, one that looks up to Cody and. And. Eh. Fuck it, this is going so off-topic, but I'm gonna get rambly because u just accidentally touched on some very specific Cody problems.
Cody has issues with honesty, with emotional closeness, with a superiority complex and a shit ton more. He solves problems, he's a leader and untouchable in battle, he's been the judge and the jury and the executioner for his siblings for most of his life.
He's The Marshal. And that's what his siblings start to see. So there isn't really anyone that, eh, deeply close to him? And I have yet to work out on who exactly the people will be? (look, most of my Cody and Hyde stuff is based purely on vibes and ridiculous ideas)
I like to think that got close with his batch again, because he did notice these things and started to unearth some of the stuff he's practically branded into his skin the same way his scar is. But I feel that choosing a best man would be something were he began spiraling, ending up with trying to be as diplomatical as possible and shoving everything else behind a very tight wall. It's a stressful time, ok, some of it all will bubble up again.
If I'm being completely honest, I've got no clue. Maybe he wants it to be somebody of his batch, because for once he just wants to be the second oldest and nothing else, at least on that day. Maybe somebody more outside of things, there are some friendship's he's built up again, funnily Monnk and Lockup and Fox come to mind for me, but this all goes down to the biggest thing of it all.
If those two ever were to be married, it would be only the two of them, on a whim, at some morning and only later would they tell and plan a party to placate people and let them share it all because that is still the thing warming Cody's whole being. He loves his siblings more than he loves the world, the galaxy, himself, but that's the crux of it all, innit?
It boils down to a few things, they're already living together, Cody has his room, Hyde has theirs, they have their routine built up already and it's just something ridiculous like getting taxes and realising it would be cheaper to be married, they already own a business together. Or maybe because the idea springs up and why the fuck not? Living without you would feel like losing a part of myself, so they sit down over breakfast and discuss it a bit and what a big wedding would and include but instead go, 'it feels right this very moment, doesn't it?' and Hyde asks how to say the words, it's not like they've looked them up beforehand and tried to see how they'd feel on their tongue, right?
Because here's a small fun fact, Hyde doesn't want a big wedding. They're terrified of the idea.
An after party? Fuck yeah! Big wedding? Hell no.
So knowing of a mandalorian wedding would be them being together and saying words and that is enough? Everything Hyde could ever dream of. Those two can deal with the outrage of it all afterwards because that is still Cody, The Marshal and one of the most well-known figures of the war and you married in your ratty lil kitchen?????
And for Cody, getting married was absolutely never on his agenda, he's still learning to live without a war. But I think something he really, really wants on those days that he's soft and comfortable and not worrying about literally everyone else but himself because man, that savior complex is seated in his fucking Bones, he just wants a bit of peace. And in front of people would mean a shit ton of responsibility and stress and chaos and him spiraling again in ways he does not want to touch, you know? Afterwards, he'll probably get all of his siblings together, plan the whole thing by himself and make sure that everybody is taken care off, but that little thing stays between them.
(also sending u so much energy for that summer! I've watched one of my sibs spent pretty much all of may to september going to weddings. there were like three free weekends, shit can get exhausting.)
#commander cody#hyde#thank u for the ask u made my brain melt for a good bit there#things i never thought id think about#that#im not even sure about it all i might change opinion in like a month or so but this is what spontanously came to mind#i#eh#hope this answered anything??
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asking and receiving (bonus below readmore)
[ID: A black and white, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood. In the first panel is a close up of Wolfwood's mouth as he says, "Vash". Accompanying it is a close up shot of Vash's eye, widen and cheeks flushed. Wolfwood presses a knee against the open space between Vash's legs and says, "Tell me everything you want from me." Wolfwood's face is equally as flushed. He continues to say, "I'll give it to you. Everything." As he talks, a wide shot shows the both of them in white space. Vash is sitting, leaning a little back with both hands pressed against the surface he's sitting on. Wolfwood is in his white dress shirt, stripped of the blazer. He's still leaning in with one knee in between Vash's spread legs, his right hand touching Vash's lips and his left hand behind his back.
The shot closes in on Vash's mouth and Wolfwood's hand against it, pressing down on the lower lip as he says, "You have to ask though. Go on." His hand moves down to Vash's chin, gently holding it. With a shy and uncertain expression, Vash hesitantly asks, "Um... K... Kiss... Please?" Wolfwood, without wasting a second, leans in and kisses him and indulges by pressing deeper, eliciting a small noise of surprise from Vash.
Wolfwood moves away from Vash first and with a smile, asks, "What else?" Vash tugs on Wolfwood's left sleeve, wordlessly budging Wolfwood to give him his hand that was still behind his back. In the next panel, Vash utters, "Hold me..?" He's holding Wolfwood's left hand with his own while his right hand is reaching for his waist. Wolfwood complies, moving his left hand to Vash's shoulder and his right hand continues to touch Vash's cheek. Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
More comfortable now, Vash leans in to kiss Wolfwood. Wolfwood catches him immediately, pressing his thumb against Vash's lips to stop him before demanding, "Hey. Ask." Vash looks back in surprise and Wolfwood meets his eye with a quiet, insistent look. They're quiet for a moment before Vash leans in again and curtly requests, "Kiss. Me." Wolfwood says "Good", smiling as he lifts his hand away, and meets Vash's lips. In the next shot, Wolfwood had adjusted his position, sitting on Vash's thigh. The hand that was once on Vash's cheek has moved its way to Vash's nape, pushing away the collar of his jacket with his pinky. His other hand continues to grip on Vash's shoulder. Still kissing, Wolfwood asks again, "What else?"
In the next shot, Vash is starting to turn, moving Wolfwood with him. Vash asks, "Let me on top of you?" Wolfwood says, "Mhm" before asking again, "What else?" The next panel shows a close look of Vash's face. He's looking down, flushed and shy just as he had been at the beginning, but now, more decisive. Vash asks, "Wolfwood... Let me have you..?" A panel of Wolfwood taking Vash's hand into his, pulling it towards his chest. The next panel shows Wolfwood lying down where Vash had laid him. Vash's hand is on Wolfwood's chest, covering the cross of his rosary while Wolfwood's hand lingers against his, loosely pressing Vash's hand in place. He looks up at Vash with a shy smile of his own, flushed cheeks. He says, "All yours."
A panel shows a close up of Vash's tender gaze before he leans down to be closer to Wolfwood. The final shot is a front view of their positions, Vash's face turned away from the viewer; Vash is leaning over Wolfwood who's lying down with his right leg draped over Vash's legs. Wolfwood's left hand holds onto Vash's left arm. With finality, Vash says, "...Mine." End ID]
[ID: A follow up bonus comic in a looser, sketchier style. They're laying comfortably in bed when Vash asks, "What was that earlier?" referecing to the start of the previous comic. Wolfwood glances away and says, "To get you used to it. Asking. And getting what you ask for. Since you're alwasy hesitant about it." Vash's eyes widen, tight lipped. Wolfwood continues, "Knowing you, it'll be a tough habit to break..." When he says this, Vash can't help but laugh, unable to deny it. Wolfwood slowly brings a hand to Vash's cheek and continues to say, "So I'll keep trying -- whatever ways I can... to get it through your thick skull." Vash takes Wolfwood's hand with his, kissing the the palm gently. Wolfwood's eyes soften and holding onto Vash's cheek, he leans in to try for a kiss. Vash says, "Hey..." before stopping Wolfwood's lips with the back of his hand, a smug look on his face, "Ask." Wolfwood's embarrassed and with little irritation, asks, "Really?" Vash smiles, saying, "You're in need of practice too." They pause for a moment, Wolfwood looking contemplatively, before he's leaning in again, asking, "May I please kiss you?" Vash looks him in the eyes and says, "Yes." The comic ends with a "chu", indicating an off-panel kiss. End ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#it took me so long to post this even after getting clarification about the maturity warning and stuff#bc i am so shy about it. SDGMKDSGMKSD I LIKE THIS COMIC BUT IM ALSO SO LIKE... AUGHHHH....#when i posted this on twitter though it was like... a few days after ep 11? ive always had the thought circling about vash deserving of#asking for things... and getting what he wants bc he never gets both. doesn't get the opportunity to ask and hardly does he get what he want#maybe the results can go in his favor but at some point along the way he'll still lose something bc nothing can ever go perfectly for him...#and he's usually the one begging and pleading with people to not. do something. it's not even asking at that point it's just straight up#please believe me. please trust me. please don't shoot that person. please don't kill anyone. please don't do it.#and wolfwood.... it was not always this lovey dovey ok. he wouldv noticed this habit miles away and they got into a fight about it the first#time they talked about it bc wolfwood is being hypocritical too. as he always is!!!! but i think as they get more intimate#wolfwood finds ways to make vash understand. smth smth insatiable want and love and desire for wolfwood that makes it much easier to ask.#wolfwood can also just be so compliant. sometimes. which is also an issue in of itself that id love to explore at some point#but he also just enjoys giving into vash fully and completely.#bc he loves him a lot. but anyway#i hope the id is comprehendible.... please lmk if there's something wrong with how im doing it asfdgkdsmgs#ruporas art
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i saw this tweet and found it interesting for two reasons. one is that some people base how good cartoon network would be to toh by how it treated su, and despite the fact that su’s treatment by the network was considered poor at the time, now its thought to be exceptionally good in comparison to modern shows.
two is how exactly su got impacted by a limited budget. a common criticism is how characters like connie, peridot, and lapis are left out of missions. but balancing a lot of characters is not only hard but also costly (extra animation, extra voices—it’s been revealed that the show is limited to a set number of characters per episode otherwise they’re over budget). animation mistakes are not uncommon since retakes cost extra. the entire reason the original show got cut short was due to loss of funding!
#i don’t know if pay rates differ per networks#but a.ivi and s.urrashu have said that they needed to work outside of su in order to make sufficient funds#it only makes me wonder what other ways su suffered from a lower budget#that we as the audience never got to see#in the vein of the too-little characters complaint#another part of that is that low-stakes episodes should’ve been abt the main cast instead of the townies#like last one out of beach city and too short to ride vs restaurant wars and kiki’s pizza delivery service#i definitely see that especially since that isn’t budget related#nor would it seem to be network related (even if cn had an ‘episodic episodes’ quota it could still be abt the gems#(another side note: /would/ cn even have a requirement that the show make episodes that can be watched standalone?#this is a question for the people who were around when su was airing#what episodes often got rerun?#was it the townie eps or the lore eps?#for example i heard that su once did a ‘peridot event’ where they just reran peridot episodes#which had eps that skip around in the show#did they even care about airing the story so that it made sense anyways?#id get it if the low stakes townie episodes were the ones getting rerun))#but i have such a boring view on that which is i think it’s simply because the creators like townie eps#like in interviews r.ebecca s.ugar has said she’s the type to be really invested in background characters#answers in interviews have been crafted in ways to hide what’s really going on though tbf#prime example of this is rebecca and ian saying the wedding being interrupted was meant to follow the common trope#when later in the art book they said that it was bc cn rejected the ep bc it ‘wasn’t interesting enough’#both could simultaneously be true! it’s a psychology thing though where people make up nice-sounding explanations behind what they create#in retrospect because they want it to be thought out in such a nice way they believe in it#the bigger problem is that not matter how many episodes there are of them#it can be hard for ppl to be invested in the townies the same way they are invested in the main cast#i’m sure that a million writers have made surefire advice on how to get an audience to care about characters#but off the top of my head i think it’s because 1. most don’t have strong motivations to get truly invested in#(exception is ronaldo but people find him too annoying to care about him)#okay i had more points and explanations but i hit the tag limit and idk if anyone is actually reading this so bye
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the distortion
#michael distortion#helen distortion#the spiral#the magnus archives#tma#id in alt text#definitely art#yknow what i never made the connection that the distortion was a manifestation of the spiral#i thought the distortion was another name for the spiral#which it can be i guess. one of those things that make perfect sense if you dont think about it :)#tw eyestrain#<- because. michael
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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[asmr boyfriend voice] woof woof bark bark
#hermitaday#rendog#rendog fanart#hermitblr#hermitcraft fanart#ren#my art#did i ever tell you guys me getting mcyt at all was because i watched lizzies last life pov late at night while i was sick#and ren just. stole my heart#i knew nothing about him or hermitcraft at a time i was just like this guy is so fucking weird. i need to know more#and when i searched him up the first thing i got was the inappropriate compilation#really good first impression. never recovered from it#so yeah my mental state currently is rendogs fault#anyway ive always kinda had trouble drawing him. had to pull up alot of references for this one but i think this is the happiest ive been#-with his design.#idk what it is. i think it's partially because rens got a very model like face irl and im intimidated. guy could be selling watches.#the beard + glasses combo also messes with me i think#he always looks so accursed before i slap the facial hair on him#uhhh i don't think i have any other thoughts to say. good boy good boy goodboy good boy good boy#i might make a postmortem on hadm later on rn im tired. would be fun i think. id get to finish my scrapbook
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do you have any personal headcanons about charles that you’re willing to share? if so i will go on my hands and knees and beg on behalf of all your followers for the juicy deets, this is your chance to yap about him for as long as humanly possible 🛐🙏🏻✨
ooohhh im bad at hcs..... but i do have. a few:
firm believer charles is a model-kit enjoyer and likes keeping his hands busy overall: started off with ship-in-a-bottle kits but over time gravitated towards cars and aircrafts
on that note, he's a slight vintage car buff/appreciator
has great upper body and core strength. he doesn't get a lot of opportunities to demonstrate it, but it catches people off guard when he can
can play at least ONE instrument. money's either on piano or violin. not much of a singer, but might hum to himself
probably gives killer shoulder massages
started collecting hats as a teenager and has numerous baseball caps. despite this, he isn't super into baseball itself and the hats themselves are probably the least worn of his collection. nowadays, despite not wearing hats as often as he used to, he favors fedora and bowler hats
wrist watch collector. has an anti-magnetic set in his collection, though rarely actually wears them
certified rambler this isn't even a hc but i must assert it extends beyond inspirational speeches and lore drops. ask him what book he's reading and he'll give you a verbal dissertation about it
favorite tea's chamomile
dyes his eyebrows to be darker (this is partially a joke.. and yet.....)
#charles xavier#snap chats#i thought id just have one or two bullet points but ... lol .... oopsie even ....#GENERALLY I AM bad at having hcs tho ..... most of the time i dont even realize i barely have em until im asked#im good at talkin bout things when prompted velkvjaelkvj#maybe ive just never really sat down and thought of any tho ... cause now that i have... here we are my big ass list jeaLKEJ#BUT YES thank you for the opportunity to think and talk about charles ..... my night is perfect now
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have i talked before about how crazy it drives me that in old bdubs videos he would super abashedly talk about his love for making things pretty? because. it drives me crazy.
at the beginning of mc4 when everyone was clearing out spawn so it was a lifeless flat plot of land to build on and bdubs took it personally and added grass and foliage once everything was built to make the whole landscape more lively and cohesive. and how hed get made fun of for thinking about little shit like that.
also when he got asked what hed be doing if he wasnt doing mc and he mentioned music (i think) and basically was super embarrassed to be like “i know its not very manly, but im super into artsy fartsy stuff”. as if that is a bad thing.
anyway im getting so emo thinking about how in hermitcraft, everyone knows and admires bdubs skill as a builder and its not ever something thats made fun of anymore. thinking about how bdubs never talks down about his own abilities anymore and instead of feeling weird about being a dude whose into artsy fartsy stuff, hes really embraced his career as a creator of beautiful things.
#sorry this post is literally so self indulgent#last rb got to me okay#remembering when i first got into bdubs and id see him in other ppls content and was like ‘oh hes silly haha’#but i didnt actually start watching him until i saw his hc8 base and thought it was one of the coolest things id ever fucking seen in mc#i started watching his videos and the way he talked about block palettes and gradients#and the way hed try things i’d never think could work really blew me away#and hes always been like this#i remember even in hc4 with his modern house#the way he used snow to create a slope was like. mind blowing to me.#ten years after he first did it LOL#hes taught me so much about minecraft as an art medium its fucking crazy#anyway#its been a while since ive gushed about bdubs this feels really good actually#i love him :(#edit: i wasnt gonna say anything when this was a dumb little personal post but ppl are actually rbing it#so i will correct myself#in my tags when i said hc4 i meant mc4#lol
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shan't lie I do miss the DeviantArt Holiday Wishlist era
#people would make lists of artists they would like art from / characters theyd like art of#and others (usually tagged artisrs) would draw things for them for funsies#it was a divisive thing w regards to 'asking for free art' but i thought it was cute#i liked knowing art from me was a priority to people id never met its why i get really into art fight eacb year#idk im just thinking about it. i have too much owed art and too little art ability to edpect to be able to gift art a lot this year#but i still have the sentiment in me#not art
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The Stray
part two
Steve, blushingly furiously, asks Max to take over pancake duty so he can put on a shirt.
And Eddie is both thankful and devastated about it until Steve comes back… and he’s wearing one of Eddie’s shirts and fuck, that makes it so much worse.
He’s always had a thing for guys wearing his clothes and Steve looks so fucking pretty with an old and tattered shirt from his first tour.
Steve catches Eddie staring at him and blushes again, “Sorry, I'm wearing you aren’t I?”
‘Uhg why would you phrase it like that? That sounds so good. Yes. Please. Wear me.’
Eddie shakes his head and smiles at their guest, “Nah, it’s fine dude, you can do me whene- Wear me! I mean- wear my clot- Stop laughing Max, you little shit! I slept like two hours, okay?”
The three of them share a laugh and then, with all of their plates full, Max starts telling Eddie how she met Steve and the circumstances that got her to invite him over.
Eddie listens and starts thinking, shit, maybe he shouldn’t trust Max to be alone for such long periods of time. He worries about her, always has. But Max has always been independent and so fucking stubborn, toeing the line between proving how responsible she was and disobedience.
He tries to keep an eye on her as much as she lets him, he trusts Max to commute to college alone, to hit the skate park at any hour of the day. She used to get into fights at high school but went to therapy for her anger issues and doesn’t do it anymore.
He trusts her with her boyfriend. Or more accurately, he trusts her boyfriend. It took Max two whole months to tell Eddie she was dating someone and another two months to finally introduce them. And not because she was worried about what Eddie might think of him, oh no.
She was worried Eddie would think Lucas was too good for her. Too pure. That she would corrupt him. (She was right about Lucas being too pure but Eddie would never think someone could be too good for her. In his opinion, she deserved every bit of good that came her way.)
So really, befriending a street performer sounded like something right up her alley but, taking a homeless man in…
Not that he can blame her, he thinks as he watches Steve shyly biting a pancake and getting progressively redder as Max dives into an action-packed story of him beating up three men to save her.
He knows Max like the back of his hand and knows exactly where she’s going when she talks about how kind, smart, and talented her friend is so he’s not surprised when she asks, “Can he stay with us for a while?”
“No, absolutely not.”
It’s not him who answers, but Steve. He’s shaking his head and looking at Max with big eyes, “I couldn’t possibly. I can’t take advantage of your hospitality any longer, I-”
“Oh, shut up Steve, don’t play hard to get. You have nowhere else to go! Just say yes.”
Steve seems to shrink into himself and looks between Max and Eddie, who gives him a little encouraging smile.
“What are you going to do?” Max presses.
Steve blinks at them sadly and he looks so much like a kicked puppy Eddie wants to make Max back off and hold him, so he stuffs his mouth with pancakes before he says something stupid.
“...I don't know,” Steve answers after a second, and Max huffs as if she is dealing with a child.
“Do you have anyone you could call?” Eddie asks him curious.
Steve’s shoulders tense for a second before he smiles apologetically, “Not anyone I’d want to find out about my… Situation”
“That settles it then!” Max says and claps her hands loudly making Eddie jump, he really did sleep two hours and he wants to go to bed now. Maybe Steve would be up for cuddles? Okay, no. He needs to go to sleep right now before his brain gets any more dumb ideas.
“You can stay in the guest room Wayne and mom use when they come over, no biggie. And don’t worry I’m not gonna let you stay here for free! You’ll chaperone me to school and the skate park and can do the groceries and cook while you look for a proper job! If anything I’ll be taking advantage of you and not the other way around,” Max tells him in a tone that leaves no room for argument.
Steve looks between the both of them once more before sighing and nodding once, a small smile on his lips that makes his eyes shine prettily.
He blinks a couple of times, his eyes looking wetter with every blink and he clears his throat and excuses himself going to the living room where his beat-up duffle bag and guitar case are, pretending to be tying things up while clearly drying his tears.
Eddie’s heart clenches for him but he looks at Max and shakes his head at her, “You know, your mom warned me once about me getting home one day and finding you with a stray puppy but,” he lifts his hand and points in Steve’s general direction, “That’s a grown-ass man.”
Max smirks at him, “Nah,” she says, taking Eddie’s plate and hers and starting to clean up after Steve, “He’s a puppy.”
to be continued!
part 1: 🎸
part 2: you are here!
part 3: 📓
part 4: 💝
coffee?☕🥐💕
#stranger things#steddie#i wrote something#aha! you thought id forgotten about this but jokes on you! i never stopped thinking about it#i hope yall like what i did with it in the end#steve harrington#eddie munson#max mayfield
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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i think one of my least favorite parts of grief is how you do eventually generally feel better and think about it less. i rmr when i was 13 i was distinctly incredibly scared of one day forgetting, or moving on, or accepting it in anyway. and its still just as painful but then i also feel guilty or like, im doing something wrong for not thinking of it as often, or not being affected by it every second of every day anymore. like that picture thats like grief doesnt get smaller but the rest of ur life gets bigger. but im mad that the rest of my life is getting bigger, i dont want to leave him behind
#i think also#in some little way i dont know what or who i am if im not grieving#it felt like for so long it was the only thing that existed in my life and all my thoughts and actions revolved around it#but its been five years and every year im more focused on other things and other problems or worries#if i cant see my dad ever again i dont want to move on#atleast if im constantly thinking about him and not getting any better its like being as close as i can to him#idk this stuff is hard to word#and now i am upset from thinking this hard about it#....which makes me feel better#that i havent moved on#i never will anyways but#it does seem like less of a huge thing the more time passes#but whats the point of truly reaching acceptance if i dont get rewarded by seeing him again#i dont want to accept it]#Okay sorry i was thiniking about this on the bus sorry this is my diary..#id usually post stuff like this on quotev i miss u quotev
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Had the extremely upsetting experience of a mutual of like 6 years going off on me for occasionally making posts about supporting Harris because apparently that makes me a g n cide denier who refuses to learn and grow, with all of my views just being assumed not even from what I've told them I believe or what I've posted before, but just because I DON'T post particularly the kind of things they THINK I should be. When I pointed out how much they were just completely assuming about stuff I'd never talked to them about, I was told it doesn't matter what I do in real life or "care" about if I simply disagree with their conclusion and vote for her anyway. Like they were absolutely not sorry for the level of maliciousness they not just assumed of my character, but for some reason thought appropriate to bring directly to me before unfollowing me. No apology whatsoever for how discomforting or upsetting that might be and certainly no acknowledgment that I could disagree with them and still be a good person. I just got another even longer rant about how they fundamentally can't fuck with me because of this one thing, no matter WHAT else I do in my real life (which I pointed out that they do not know), and how I'm directly supporting fascism.
Like seriously what is it about Tumblr that makes people think they know someone based off of occasional posts? There were just such DEEP assumptions they were making of me and going off of very little or absolutely nothing. Around the time I first became mutuals with that person I used to express my personality and beliefs and talk about what was going on in my life a lot more openly, but I've significantly scaled back on doing that in many ways for many reasons. One of my major ones is privacy and the way I've had strangers outside my followers and following circles just find random things I say and dogpile me for it. I was fundamentally changed after some T Fs did that to me like 3 years ago. I also just didn't have many conversations w that person anymore (I message people in general on here like 10x less than I did circa 2018-2019, which I'm somewhat sorry about!). My point is to say I think this person felt comfortable assuming that they knew me, especially who I am in 2024 at the age of 25, much better than they actually did.
One of the specific things they accused me of was being afraid of learning and growing (because I don't perform social media activism on here like they think I should). Like AFRAID to take criticism. When again I've never received criticism from them or had to respond to any criticism on here before as pertaining to my views on... well, absolutely any of the issues they accused me of not caring about. They essentially treated it as if the only thing in the world I cared about was the US election and characterized me as the most out-of-touch liberal they could possibly imagine, because I'm not "pushing" Kamala Harris to be better (Oh?? Should I do that on here?? Does she read my blog??).
And most hypocritically what they said was that I only *sometimes* *vaguely* post pro-Harris things (I often post like 5 or fewer things in a day though?). But here's the kicker. "Because I know I'll get shit for it. And rightfully so."
Really????? Not a single person, anon or not, in my messages or in a tagged post or anything, has ever given me shit before for saying who I'm voting for. I'm actually NOT afraid of "getting shit" for that opinion, I just don't start fights with people who are anti-voting. And why should I??? I genuinely don't believe in trying to change the minds of strangers on the internet about that sort of thing. I'm just not confrontational about it; that is so not the same thing as being "afraid of getting shit." I'm not posting ENOUGH about my support for Harris, therefore I'm afraid. But therefore they can also make all these assumptions about me being their strawman for an ignorant Harris supporter.
I'm afraid of getting shit but I still post anyway? But if I weren't afraid of getting shit I'd be posting a lot more?? This is ALL based on their assumptions of what my blog *should* look like, based on what I really and truly believe. My level of posting every now and then is an accurate gauge of my feelings on complex, sensitive, global issues. Because I'm voting for the Democratic presidential candidate and I'm ok sharing pretty much just that little glimpse of myself.
I really don't think that person knows just how inappropriate and insulting that is to just say all of that to me. Like they really know what's going on in my head. Their first message began and ended with like "I'm sorry I love you I just can't take it anymore" but they clearly weren't sorry enough to try and be more respectful to me, and they didn't love me enough not to default to extremely ungenerous assumptions and attacking me based off of those instead of any actual words I've said that they take issue with.
Online radicalization is real and it's not necessarily bad because your political views can start to fall well out of the contemporary Overton window. The way you find it appropriate to treat people whose views, however common, seem to fundamentally misalign with yours... that does matter. You can't just assume the worst of everyone and then act on that in how you approach them as individuals. And then be shocked that you don't stay friends with them. You can't be confrontational with someone about an issue you've never had an honest conversation about, and then expect them to take your bad faith in them as reasonable well-meaning criticism.
I'm afraid of criticism??? I'm afraid of criticism. No I'm not. This person and I have never had an issue before where they criticized me and I got harshly defensive. It was ALL projection. The entire tone of their messages was as if all their anti-voting posts recently were somehow in communication with the occasional go-vote-for-Harris posts that I make. That's not a conversation. I don't post for your satisfaction. I don't post in "response" to my mutuals I disagree with. I just post what's on my mind, sometimes, about some things. I really again can't stress enough how baffled I am by this
#tales from diana#long post#this is not really a post about voting this is a post about online etiquette#i also remember that this person at one point when we were teenagers had a crush on me#so they might have somewhat idealized me or maybe just had respect for the good times#good conversations we had over the years etc#i still held them in regard even though some of their anti-voting posts i took serious issue w#again i really don't care to argue w ppl against voting bc really i mainly only disagree w that one conclusion#the systemic critiques that were made in those posts i don't think make them bad ppl#i sympathize w why someone might think that way#i just cannot pretend that i think nothing changes if we have dt as president again#i can't act as if im not anxious at the state of the world we're in where we're seriously at risk of that#i don't have that same level of concern about harris. i don't. i don't think theyre the same#i think they diverge in so many meaningful ways but im usually not writing detailed long thoughtful posts about it#do i have to??? for TUMBLR?? id rather not...#but i don't wish to be confronted as if these are nuances i MUST not hold in my opinion#can't stress enough they were basically calling me a g n cide denier like that's just a cool ok thing to do#i have literally never made a post about ppl not voting for harris bc of the war in gaza#i specifically haven't not because im 'afraid' but bc i don't believe in comparing those 2 things#there was gonna be a presidential election this year anyway and there does not have to be this war#if u think dems aren't doing well enough on the war for u to vote for them. i can't argue w u#but i was always going to vote anyway#again im afraid of getting shit?? ONLY this person has EVER given me shit until now#im not pushing harris enough? how tf do u know that? bc im not reblogging ill-informed posts from ppl like u?#im not PUSHING this woman running for president enough bc im not writing critical posts she and her advisers will never see#about how im threatening to withhold my vote from them. something id never honestly do considering the opposition#they kept stressing to me to about how they weren't a trump supporter when *i* never said as much to them#i do agree that not voting for harris 'supports' trump in that it benefits him overall#but i don't attack ppl who just aren't voting in that way. ok?#damn i hate being on the defensive like this
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idk how to word my thoughts so sorry if this is incomprehensible but its really cool seeing sega portraying shadow as like. heroic and cool and highlighting his positive traits and making him the protagonist of an upcoming thing. after so long of just reducing him to asshole rival and even occasionally going as far as to label him (and the rest of team dark) as a villain or place him in the same category as characters like eggman. please for the love of god let sxs generations be some good shadow food
#like maybe his ways of doing things arent exactly the same as characters like sonic but hes not straight up evil either ....#actually i dont think sonic really fits the traditional idea of a hero either but thats a topic for another post i think#originally i didnt care about sonic generations remaster and i thought having shadow be a focus was a weird choice#but the second they dropped that trailer and i saw doom's eye and what shadow's stages actaully looked like i got soo excited#got even more excited when i read the description that said black doom is the main villain and we're going into shadows past again#ive always wished theyd done more with the black arms but just assumed id never see black doom again . Well here he is . somehow .#now that i actually know what theyre going for yeah i think it makes sense to place it during sonic generations#because the whole time eater thing is the perfect setup for visiting shadows whole deal again#and retelling that story in an easily accessible way for newer fans or people who dont have access to older games/consoles
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guys how do you explain to your friends who have suffered for months hearing u yap about one specific character that youre losing intrest in said character
#I ALWAYS FEEL SO BAD WHEN I START LOSING HYPERFIXATIONS😭🙏#hehe guys im havinh a conundrum#my brain worms have decided werehog and stupid vampire man from old book are silly#i never thought at any era in mh life id be into twilight#god please helo me#edward cullen WHEN I GET YOU#you too sonic youre not out of this either#mf werehog bro#PLEASE HELO ME MY POOR PINTREST MOOTS WHO FOLLOWED ME FOR TTS😭🙏#sorry fam my brain had other plans!!!#ngl this is probably one of those hyperfixations i get for like 2 months because of the dopamine kick i get#and then i go back to beinh chronic over my previous fixation😭🙏#so if u guys start seeing me beinh less active/postinh about other things not related to tts just know thats why#also hunger games#i think my brain is making me read#like i have bad data at my house so i cant use ao3 so i moved over to physical books#and ive never read twilight before bcuz i thought it wasnt for me#thats always how i am oh my god#but like my teacher told me to read it#and my mom has all the hunger games books and i havent read anythinh from that series either(but i have watched the movies)#so like#im having a book lover mentally ill teen girl moment#hey atleast bbg pintrest has my back❤️#pintrest is my og#yall dont fw pintrest like i do
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whatever og text i had in mind for this post about ko shibasaki looking like sayama in this movie is completely cancelled on account of utsumi (this character)'s first name being kaoru and i only found this out cause i was looking up her name just to be sure when making this post
like jesus christ i legally have to make this post now
#snap chats#they literally never say her first name in the movie. i think lol LIKE WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS JUST 'NO FUCKING WAY'#i do have to be tbh and say her face /is/ a little more round than sayama's#and its absolutely predominantly because of how her bangs and wardrobe are so close to sayama's that i think she look like her#BUT I CAAAANT THE WHOLE MOVIE I WAS JUST THINKIN ABOUT SAYAMA... i miss her...#OH RIGHT THE MOVIE THOUGH noooo fuck you this movie was so good it actually made me want to write a summary for it LMAOOO#LIKE I LIKE WRITING SUMMARIES BUT IVE JUST BEEN SO LAZY ABOUT IT WITH THE PAST FEW THINGS IVE SEEN BUT GOD.#ignore the fact i finished this movie two hours ago i was too busy fiddling with a card holder kit but. ill make a post about that next--#THIS MOVIE THOUGH NOOOOO IT WAS SO GOOD //SCREAMS AND YELLS AND DESTROYS A SNOWGLOBE//#god the part where ishigami and yukawa are walking by the homeless and it just lingers on an empty spot.. LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS WACK#CAUSE I WAS LIKE 'hang on wasnt there a guy there last scene' and obviously there was since the shot lingered right#BUUUUTT WHEN IT WAS REVEALED DOWN THE LINE SHUT UPPP I LITERALLY YELLED IM SO GLAD. my roommates arent home..#on god i thought the movie was gonna end with utsumi and fukawa's convo from the beginning#and i was gonna make a gaf about how fukawa was acting irrationally because he was too in love LMAOOO#BUT THEN IT KEPT GOING AND. im so glad it did. ishigami valid tbh#id also cover up and take blame for AND ACTUALLY commit murder for a girl if she said hi to me and made me lunch while i was trying to kms#while fukawa and ishigami were talkin that first night tho i just thought of after the rain.. lol... maybe the mangaka was inspo'd by that.#anyway. this movie was great. it reminded me of sherlock but if it was directed well and actually let you solve the mystery too#CAUSE WHILE I WAS WATCHING THERE WERE POINTS WHERE I TOO WAS JUST 'hang on' AND I JUST POCKETED THE INFO FOR LATER#i kicked and screamed when ishigami was talking abut how he formats his tests LIKE I SAID 'oh you fucking slipped'#when ishigami called and told her he had a white envelope in there bitch i knew it was gonna be the stalker letter i YELLED#LIKE I LIKE HOW THE MOVIE SETS THINGS UP SO ABUNDANTLY. IT'S FUN SEEING IT FIT IN THE MOVIE LATER ON#the twist of there being two bodies was so fun tho cause at the start of the movie i was sure two murders happened the same night#so when it was played off as just one i was like Oh. Ok. im still stumped on how he snuck a body out of the apartment#but yk what one detail is like. whatever in comparison to the rest of the movie being fun to watch#god im running out of tags POINT IS. PLEAAASE watch this movie if you got two hours#ive left some minor warnings on my Watchlist doc but there's nothing. TOO extreme ??#i mean there's an aforementioned suicide attempt but aside from that it's nothing too grotesque. for an rgg fan ig#ok bye i have to ramble about the card holder i got <3
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