#things i can't stop thinking abt lol
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Soshiro wasn't a stickler for rules. However, he didn't like seeing officers flout rules, either. He always stood somewhere in between sticking to the rules while not being a strait-laced, by-the-book kind of leader.
With that being said, he really had no qualms about workplace relationships as long as they didn't get in the way of his officers' jobs.
Soshiro couldn't be completely against the whole thing. Not when you were around. If he were being honest, though, he would've been one of his Captain's biggest headaches if not for his great respect for her. Mina liked order, and she always took pride in an orderly Third Division. For her own Vice Captain to become the main source of mayhem would spell trouble for her.
Good thing he liked staying out of trouble. Save for a few exceptions. Involving you, his favourite Platoon Leader. Not that he'd ever outright admit it, too.
He did admit to how you piqued his interest the moment you decided to enlist in the Defense Force. You were a retired fencer, your papers bookmarked with a recommendation by the Japan Fencing Federationā but whatever skill with a sabre you have would prove useless, seeing the force's growing preference for automatic firearms. Fortunately, that wasn't the case for the Third Division. They'll always have room for blade masters, or at least that's what you've been told during the Presentation of Enlistment Certificate Ceremony.
And Soshiro liked how good you looked in your formal uniform. He'd never admit that outright, too, unless he wanted to be accused of favouritism for real. (Or worse: predatory behaviour by a senior officer.)
While you were mostly a reserved and unassuming person off the field, many of your colleagues called you a raging tempest in missions, the kind they'd get swept away in if they ever got in your way. You endeavoured to accomplish every task as swiftly and efficiently as possibleā without breaking ranks, of course. Your tenacity was rewarded in the form of a promotion to Platoon Leader, an unexpected but welcomed opportunity. Soshiro seemed to agree with the Captain that you were a worthy investment and that other officers could stand to learn a thing or two from you.
You tried not to pay too much mind at the Vice Captain's growing interest in you, though you had to admit that it was pretty flattering. The second strongest person in the Third Division placed a lot of stock in your ability to get the job done. And though you've had your shortcomings, your accountability endeared yourself to him even more.
(So much so that Mina had to remind him of his position. She had no qualms about workplace relationships as long as they didn't get in the way of her officers' jobs. As long as order was maintained, too.)
Even you couldn't help your curiosity when you caught wind that this year's new recruits were an exceptional bunchā and that one happened to share tremendously intimate history with the Captain. It was a sizzling hot press release you couldn't help but sink your teeth into when Tae started talking your ears off about it.
You tried not to make that much noise as you both made your way back to your personal quarters that evening, but your topic was far too interesting to just stop and dropā it was about your usually pensive Captain...
"Do you think the Captain will start softening up?" You couldn't help but muse as you helped yourself to your canned coffee.
"Doubt it! This is Captain Ashiro we're talking about," your fellow Platoon Leader remarked. "Then again, she's still a woman..."
Pretty much, you thought to yourself. Woman or not, a person's relationships shape the way others view them. Officer Hibino's revelations about his shared childhood memories with Captain Ashiro painted her in a new light, unveiling her as a tender girl in her youthā more human than machine like everyone else thought her to be...
"I heard something interesting about you, too," Tae said, a glint of mischief in her eyes. "One of the rookies said they already knew you from before. When you were still a professional fencer."
There's only one, you sighed to yourself this time. "It must be Haruichi-kun. If you must know, Tae-chan, Izumo Tech sponsored my fencing journey, especially when I was just starting out."
"That's not all, too," she chuckled at your slight change of tone. "Last I heard, the kid might even have a crush on you."
"That is not true at all," you elbowed her and laughed at her statement. "That's probably the most absurd thing I've heard in my entire life. Haruichi-kun isā"
"Why do you think it's absurd? I think it's ridiculously truthful," came the voice of a man from behind you.
"Vice Captain! G-Good evening!" You squeaked and managed a salute as Soshiro made his approach. He didn't look like he was ready to retire for the night just yet, but was just hanging around.
"Kafka's tales have made the rounds, huh?"
"It's hard not to get roped into the gossip when it's so interesting," Tae said with a grin. "And with a Captain like ours who's so well-loved and well-respected, it's pretty tempting to hear what kind of person she was when she was just a kid."
"Yeah, she really went for her goals and succeeded," you nodded in agreement. "She's awe-inspiring."
"We're all aware of how amazing our Captain is," Soshiro stated with the same recognisable cheer in his voice. "But what's that thing about you and one of the rookies again?"
"Y-You mean about me and Haruichi-kun, Vice Captain? I-I mean Officer Izumoā"
The redhead standing right next to you could only purse her lips to prevent herself from laughing out loud, because by the gods, only she and a handful of other superior officers were aware of their Vice Captain's vested interest-turned-infatuation with you. And this was their Vice Captain getting all jealous and territorial with you.
"I'm just gonna go ahead and turn in for the night," Tae said as she nudged you before breaking out into a salute directed at Soshiro. "Good night, Vice Captain!"
"T-Tae-chan?!" You could only call out to your fellow Platoon Leader as she disappeared into the darkened hallway leading to your quarters. A little whimper of defeat left your lips as you turned back in the direction of your Vice Captain. "Vice Captainā"
"Are you two close?"
"Huh?"
"You and the rookie."
Close wasn't exactly the right word for you two. Haruichi was your main sponsor's son. You've met a lot of times before and have nothing but great respect for each other. A silly crush doesn't do him any justice. That rumour was made in poor taste and faith.
You shook your head at your superior. "We're familiar with each other, but not really as close as everyone thinks."
"Is that so?" Soshiro said, not at all sounding convinced. "If I ask him, will he say the same thing?"
"I suppose," you replied to him with another small sigh of resignation. "I'm sorry, Vice Captain. It's not a nice rumour, if you ask me... I feel sorry for... the rookie for being embroiled in this mess."
"Don't apologise because of that," he said as he reached out for your hand. "If you're going to apologise, at least say sorry because I heard it and believed it."
You can confirm now that he wasn't there to reprimand you at all since his hold on you was both tender and solid. There was a storm in his wine-dark gazeā languid but brewing, and the way he looked at you made you want to dive right into the depths of his eyes.
"Hoshina likes you."
It was a thought you pushed at the very back of your mind ever since your Captain first let that slip when you took a bath together once. You thought she was joking at first, but she didn't take it back at all.
"But you didn't hear that from me."
And she even followed it up with, "don't let your personal feelings get in the way of your work"ā like hell this revelation won't get in the way of your work!
You didn't want to think about it at all but here it was, staring you right in your face.
"Vice Captain, can we tā"
No, what were you thinking? The moment you say you want to talk about it will change everything. You'll blur the fine line between superior and subordinate. He'll cease being just your Vice Captain and become something else.
Something more.
"If you want to talk, let's do it somewhere more comfortable," he told you as you caught the twinkle of expectation in his eyes. You were likely playing into his hands now, so what else could you do but dance to his rhythm?
"Yes, of course. My personal quarters are nearby," you said, pointing in the direction of the dimly lit hallway that Tae disappeared into moments ago. "If... If it's all right with you..."
Soshiro didn't speak as he eyed your embarrassed face, but his mischievous, victorious cat-like smile did all the talking for him. It was he who opened the door and led you in, his hand warm on the small of your back even though you extended the invitation to him. And though you said you wanted to talk to himā to clear the air and rid yourself of this trepidation and hesitation that you feltā very few and far between words were exchanged that night.
You liked him too, after all. Now all those times your eyes met even though you were just about to look at him made sense. He's had eyes for you ever since.
You drank deep into his wine-coloured eyes while he helped himself to your warmth, the tempest that you were now in his arms as a single beam of sunlight he wanted to keep all to himself.
And keep you he did.
When word got out that the female rookies caught Vice Captain Hoshina leaving your room early the following morning, you already expected to be summoned to the Captain's office that very day.
But instead of being vexed about the situation and her Vice Captain's unusually poor judgment, Mina had a rather amused expression on her otherwise normally calm face as she sat across from you two.
"What happened to not flouting the rules, Hoshina?"
"Hey, it's not like I wanted to get caught!" Soshiro shot back at her, though there was very little he could do in the face of his Captain's evident thrill at his predicament.
"I can turn a blind eye to this, but the rumours are already out there," she continued. "I suppose I'll have to mete out some form of 'punishment' for you both. Just to make an example out of you."
"I-I'll accept whatever punishment you have in mind, C-Captain!" You exclaimed with a stiff and deep bow. You've never been reprimanded by the Captain ever since you first started out in the Third Division. For you to be sanctioned for the very first time... I've really done it this time!
"On second thought, I'll just have you two file this instead," Mina stated as she handed you a single sheet of paper with a header in bold letters that read Workplace Relationship Disclosure Form. "As a formality. It's also a written promise that you won't let your relationship get in the way of your jobs."
"That's it? Piece of cake!" Soshiro said with a smile as he read out the form. "We'll file it now andā"
"You'll file it at headquarters yourselves," she said with a small smile as she stood up from her desk. "Other than that, I hope you two managed to talk things out. You're dismissed."
"Headquarters?! Captain Ashiro! We'll do anything! Just don't make us go there! It's such a pain to get there!" He pleaded with the Captain this time. "We'll tell everyone if we have to! I mean that's not a bad idea, too, so they'll know that we're together! But we're just going to be normal about things, we swear!"
"Just how normal are you two going to be?" The Captain said with a small laugh, just like the one you heard from the rumours. "Just promise me you won't let this affect your work. I have great faith in you both, after all."
"Roger!" You exclaimed in unison, followed by your shared tender laughter.
"Good. Now do 30 laps each before training starts again this afternoon," Mina replied to your enthusiasm with another small smile. "I'm really not letting you guys off the hook that easily."
"Th-That's fine, Captain! We-We'll make a start now!" You stammered before she could change her mind about your choice of consequence, throwing her a salute before eventually jogging out of her office.
"Don't make her run your laps, Hoshina. She'll do it for you without even you asking."
"Wouldn't dream of it, Captain. As if I'd let her do all the heavy lifting herself."
"What do you plan on doing about the rumours?"
"Let them talk. It's even better for us. At least they know now who she belongs to."
#songsofadelaidewritesš#mari's prompts š #kaijuu 8 gou#kaiju no. 8#kaiju number 8#kn8#kaiju no. 8 spoilers#kaiju no.8 x reader#soshiro hoshina#hoshina soshiro#soshiro x reader#hoshina soshiro x reader#he is both cute and sexy... a perfect combo if i may say so myself lol#things i can't stop thinking abt lol#starry divider by @/cafekitsune
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they licensed his ass
my finished piece of the FWMS (official name definitely 100%) thing we started a few days ago! I had fun I hope folks had and/or continue to have fun with the sketch as well.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhsy#riz gukgak#Fuck With My Sketch#I mean it I'm gonna use that. gotta stop me if u dont wanna#doing things like this is bittersweet bc this slaps and I look at this and Im like well. I will never be able to nail this look again#I guess that's the plight of self taught art. but also it means you have to learn to let go and go look for different delights#you can't get too attached to one way of doing things. you will find many new things on ur way to make more funny bictures n such#this slaps tho Im so happy with how this came out lol. its be a long while since I last drew something in this vein#appropriate that its for riz lol he deserves it. he deserves the photoshoot pieces#funny enough this also kind of was prompted by drawfee? in one of the episodes I was binging (I thiiiink the one bg a day ep)#jacob brought up one of the artists I follow on twitter (havent been there in a decent while lol) who uses a pretty distinct#blue-on-red palette that got me to think abt teal-on-red and then this happened#funny enough I did start the piece with teal-on-red but then I shifted to blue after and was like wait I love this suddenly#and then committed lol. I should work with teal-on-red properly more but for now! we have fun! we enjoy#thats my journey thank u for listening. thank u for drawing with me if u have and come hang next time if u havent
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don't touch that dial!
or, the wandavision steddie au
(based on this post by @babyboymunson go check it out if you haven't!)
āSteve, donāt bullshit me. Whatās going on? Why canāt I remember my life before this?ā Eddie pleads, his voice breaking, fighting the tears threatening to spill over.
This is not how this is supposed to go, he isnāt supposed to do that. He isnāt supposed to break like that. Theyāre supposed to be happy. Steveās keeping this whole thing together to keep everyone happy. Everyone is happy.
Except for Eddie, it seems.
Eddie pleads again, āSteve, please. Who were those people on the radio? What do they want from you? What did Buckley mean earlier when she said she sawāā
And itās all so much and he canāt take all the questions Eddieās throwing at him right now and this isnāt how this was supposed to go but he canāt make it stop and, andā
Everything stops.
Rewinds.
Then starts again.
He doesnāt even realize whatās happened until he can hear Eddieās voice again, clear and strong, with no indication that heād just been crying and pleading with Steve. Dustin comes back from the kitchen, unfazed, like nothing had even happened.
Perhaps it hadnāt.
āSorry, what was that?ā Eddie asks, previous argument forgotten. Completely wiped from existence.
Steve smiles, waving him off. āOh, nothing.ā
Somewhere, faintly, he hears the familiar, tinny sound of the laugh track playing, and he knows that, at least for now, everything will be okay. They can continue to be happy.
#steddie#steddie ficlet#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#moodboard#my moodboards#this isn't much and needs to be edited a bit but i can't stop thinking abt this so.#i don't plan on writing much else for this au but if something comes to me than so be it lol#anyways hope u enjoy!!
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NEW OC ALERT AUGHHHHG IM OBSESSED WITH HIM š«ā¼ļø if u ask me what my gender is im just gonna show you a picture of him
#original character#oc#artists on tumblr#calden#procreate#art#cryiling art#cryiling ocs#you don't understand i am obsessssssed with him i can't stop thinking abt him#my friend said he gives the same vibes as my profile and i was SOOOO HAPPY š¤š¤š¤ in case u can't tell he is basically my self insert LOL#i hope u guys picture me as him from now on š£#god can i be normal about one thing PLEASW
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procastinating at work but here's my philosophy for today: it's okay to hate a behavior in someone else but also understand that this behavior does not make them a bad person. like i HATE when i'm venting or talking about a serious problem i have and then the person i'm talking to starts trying to relate by talking about a similar experience they've had. like absolutely hate it. make me feel like the focus is being taken off me and it genuinely is in some ways, regardless of your intent. yeah, i understand that's your way of trying to comfort me -- but that's not the way i need or want to be comforted, and that's what matters in a situation where i'm coming to you to be helped.
and that's okay! like. no one is in the wrong here unless i have explicitly asked you to support me in a different way and you're intentionally refusing, or if i lash out at you when i could just disengage. it just means you're not a person i should go to for help when talking about my problems. we can still be friends, you and i can probably support each other in different ways, but we're just incompatible in this regard. and that's like....okay. it's okay to be incompatible with people.
#i need to stop going on instagram sooooo many hot takes on there piss me the fuck off#ok going on a rant here but like.#soooo many 'neurodivergent' posters on there are like 'neurotypicals suck bc they dont realize im being comforting when i talk abt myself#when they're upset!!!' and its like my friend i can understand your plight but like#1. this is an easily changable behavior#that tbh does not require much change on your part aside from just like. not talking.#2. the so-called neurotypicals in ur life are allowed to have boundaries and accomodations to their needs and ur currently not doing that#3. not every neurodivergent person does that. and some also hate it like the so called neurotypicals.#4. why are you prioritizing your emotions when a loved one comes to you for help or comfort. are u just a dick.#this has nothing to do with you being neurodivergent i think you're just self centered lol#like genuinely if you do this you are not a bad person. it's not a bad thing. i thinnk im just mad at the people who insist#that it's the only way they can ever try to comfort someone and they act like asking them to change this behavior is ableist#and if they genuinely can't change this behavior then fine!! like they i wont go to you with my problems#and that's also fine#but yeah anyways these tags are so different from the message of the post lol but anyways just needed to rant
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So busy with Sparkstember that I almost forgot that I go back to school on tuesday
#honestly maybe it's better this way. i'd rather just not care at all rather than be super stressed about it#just like i've been doing with every little thing for most of my life#might have missed the date when we were supposed to choose our elective courses. well whatever Lol#and i still don't even know what my schedule is or what classes i have this semester oopsie#well the university itself doesn't seem particularly pressed about giving us the schedule either#but i'd probably better still read up on the classes at least before they start#i don't have high hopes for this year just like with the last. probably should just stop pretending that i still want to study anything atp#this wasn't even my first choice of a course bcs i had to prepare for that damn exam to be accepted for my preffered one#but i couldn't be bothered to study for it again which probably should have told me enough abt whether going into this again is a good idea#i'm so tired just thinking about it but i know that actually looking for a job and then having a job will be a thousand times worse so uh#but at least i'd have my own money and start doing something ughhhh. useful maybe. who knows what it will be though#i have no ideaaaaaa. but this feels like just putting off the inevitable. like at some point i need to get my shit together#i will probably report at the end of the next week about how i'm so done already#i don't really knowwww mannnnnm. i don't feel like i had any vacation at all even though 3 months have already passed#and i also sort of didn't prepare something relatively easy to do that would have given me an actual document#that would confirm that i actually finished that part-time school thing last semester#can't really be bothered to come back to it at this point though#well at least i learned something actually useful and interesting from that and that's enough for me tbh#and a lot of it is also relevant to my current area of interest (digital drawing and computer graphics in general)#well speaking of which i'd better just get back to drawing now lol. just one more left to finish!!!#in short i guess that my new way of dealing with stress is just ignoring it all#well it's worked in some way at least so it can't be an entirely bad thing lol#goosepost
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another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me
#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is#this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions#like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why#like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business#but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go#if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like#what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos#[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture#someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding#someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar#one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim#''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake#and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things#anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like#the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious#every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me#thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost#wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc#how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol#as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh
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thinking about all the women whose orbits i've had to remove myself from bc they meant too much to me while i meant too little to them
#i don't talk abt this particular feeling much bc i'm not entirely convinced it's a value-neutral sort of incompatibilityā#i tend to feel it's an indication of my own fundamental warpingā that i get greedy and codependent and desperate and can't just be chill#and that it probably has something to do with the fucked-up codependent relationship model i was raised with#but it really is just like. from the high school friendship i had to drop even though i was besotted (flavor undefined) with her#bc i couldn't handle being Just One of Many Hangers-OnāĀ even though she said she valued and cared abt me#to the metamour i adored (flavor undefined) who supposedly valued and cared abt me tooāĀ butāĀ likeāĀ not enough#to the ex-moot who remade who i really mournfully decided i couldn't re-follow bc i couldn't stop pedestalizing her#out of all proportion with the actual intimacy of our actual interactionsā¦#idk. just feels like. very much a Recurrent Pattern for me and not a great one!#(and like. obviously the easy read here is that it was unrequited love every time; and who knowsāĀ maybe it wasā#but it's never been obvious to me what the exact flavor of the thing wasāĀ just that it was sweet and tangy until eventually it stung)#anyway. i would say 'idk what even got me onto this' but actually i know exactly what got me onto this#which was: reading fic where half the pairing was aro#and like. in the fic it worked for themāĀ and likeāĀ in life it's so often been so close to working for me!#but then the black hole of Undefined Sad Yearning inevitably starts to gape#anyway. hashtag nightblogging igā lol#feelingsblogging#past lives#the psyche#(eta thinking abt it more this has also sometimes happened with trans ppl of various non-woman stripes#but in those instances i *have* just mentally filed the dynamic under (failed/abortive) romance+ā i think#honestly very possible that's where every instance of it belongs and it's just that i don't know how to be in love with women.#like i don't identify as not-attracted-to-womenā i'm definitely attracted to womenā#'sometimesā' i started to sayāĀ but like. i'm attracted to women at the same rate i'm attracted to people of other gendersā reallyā#but like. societal queerphobia really does a number on you.#like. not that playing the woman's part in the cishet relationship-escalator model appeals or makes any sense for me either#but at least it'sā idkāĀ something to kick off from??#whereas with women it's just like. a ladder into mysterious fog. how do. where go.#insane to me that i'm this old and yet this is still where i am with this. god.)
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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i have so much fun with ffxiv bc like. me and my friends that play have a wol team and we roleplay tons when we're able to all be on at the same time
sure it takes forever to actually progress bc we're all having hours-long scenes after story events to work out the impact on everyone and, in some cases, who was impacted more than the others (like thorgeim being the one who got framed during that one incident, whereas the dragoon wol had a lot of specific stuff during heavensward, etc)
i'm told there's some shit later on that Complicates the wol-team idea but i don't want spoilers and i'm confident we can work it out when we get there so ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
#we basically all rp together bc we don't want to get story spoilers from randos...can't even visit venues without that being an issue :(#but it's nice having a static party for basically every story dungeon and fight#we're at....early-mid stormblood now i think? after like...two years lol though part of that is just not having time to play#so many maxed out sidequests and lore things tho...it's great#stirring up trouble#we have another friend who doesn't roleplay but does have some fun insights from time to time and has many helpful tips#and their character is thorgeim's wifey lmfao. they're both so grossly over-the-top affectionate lolol#and then one more friend who basically never plays with us these days but when they do it's like. Top Tier Roleplay. i love...#currently trying to convert other friends to ffxiv (though realistically we're not gonna be on much for a bit but still)...join us...#become part of the wol team....lets get a whole sentai group going lmfao#that or join our all-viera side group bc that is. definitely a Thing. massive tonal shift from the wol team lol i love them sm#the bundie brigade!! their whole gimmick is doing all their fighting in their skivvies basically to show how tough and/or agile they are#they started out as just being silly side characters and became MUCH more than that...oops we gave them lore and trauma#ugh ok i need to stop yelling abt this now. it is Bed Time and i have shit to do tomorrow.#i should draw and post them at some point tho...i love them sm....
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how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend
#lovebombing won't work on me i will automatically assume there is an ulterior motive there#i may be off on what it is. but i won't trust it either anyway#(joking btw ik i'm not immune to abuse tactics. that's actually part of why i'm vigilant to all that i think)#(but not only)#i think my main issue is i know in my heart these things can't be right. the bigger the compliment the less i believe it#bc i'm below average and so is anything i create. propping it (and me) up as smth unique feels disingenuous#in my heart i do want this like i wanna be told nice things but they usually make me feel worse lol#bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either.#(still. if someone is mean to me or even just harsh instead. i will cry)#also while this is already very deep and digging into my core the next tags are gonna dig into therapy level deepness lol#i think this is actually why i only want ppl to be sexually attracted to me honestly#smth abt it being like. a physical reaction. makes it easier to believe for me#also smth you can express smth you can do to prove it beyond just saying words#(i will sometimes still doubt it when i have a steady partner of any sort lol like i'll ask if they just indulge me or actually want it)#which is why it's fucking me up sm that i'm getting uglier š„² i'm already not great - being trans and fat limits a lot of your options - but#things are getting even worse lol š„² who knew that was even possible#all this isn't really a very good base to stop hating yourself. so my self loathing is only getting worse every day#thus making any good word harder to believe. and the cycle continues#. yknow when i started typing this post i did not expect to go on for this long#i am on these sleeping pills that make me lose my filter i'm sorry š#vent
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King Laios x succubus!reader who are both doomed by the (my) narrativeā¢ļø because: he is being pressured to find a wife to secure the future of the kingdom but he simply cannot help his fascination with the only (not so) monstrous creature that managed to bypass the Winged Lion's curseā a succubus who was shunned by her coven because of her lack of appeal and inability to seduce victims.
You swore that you weren't there to steal his life force, which easily convinces Laios to strike up a friendship with you (despite Marcille and Kabru's dissuasion). You visit him every night to converse with him about kingdom affairs. He doesn't ask questions about how you feed and maintain yourself since he considers it a private matter. You bond over his desire to see monsters again and your wish to form a more meaningful tie with humans.
The more time you spent together, the more you realised just how enticing his energy was to you, so you disappearedā not wanting your growing desires to pose a threat to the only human who saw you as an equal, who saw you as a friend.
Many years pass but Laios never married, opting for the wisest men of the kingdom to select his successor among the most brilliant men of the land instead. He often wondered where you were and what you were doing. Some nights, you let your curiosity get the better of you and check in on him, and you feel somewhat relieved that he shared his bed with no one else.
One night, he caught you leaving through his window and cornered you. He asked you where you've been and what you've been up to, and even commented about how your beauty hasn't changed even after all those years. You remarked on how handsome he still is even though he is already an old man. He finally asked you the most taboo thing of all: what did you feed on?
(You tell him the truth: You fed on the life force of living creaturesā not enough to hurt them, thoughā rather than having intercourse with men. How could you bring yourself to harm humans after being friends with one?)
Laios was both pleased and relieved with your answer. He then offered you to take his remaining life force, eventually admitting that he wanted to offer it to you long ago but was afraid you'd rebuff him or be offended. You granted him a night of blissful dreams but not enough to bring him to his grave and vanished from his life for goodā in fear you might kill him from loving him too much.
#songsofadelaidewritesš#mari's prompts š #dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#laios touden x reader#laios x reader#laios dungeon meshi#things i can't stop thinking abt lol#i break my own heart sometimes#starry divider by @/cafekitsune
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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
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ok very interesting quest in hsr
#theyre getting better at this writing shit#hsr spoilers#tho i think dh and jy was still kinda random lol i guess it made sense since it was a dream(?)...#i haven't seen enough people crying abt misha but to me. its sadge we can't see him on the train anymore :( but he got#his wish.... he talks abt always wanting to go on the express and traveling and he did it.... he made it!! so im happy for him :')#aven pisses me off lowkey ipc hater group. whatever tho#i like where they went w robin so now i'll just wait for sunday#also the boss design is so nice and cool and very reminscent of ena but fuck the gameplay oh my god i hated fighting sundays mecha body#so much .... i swear if robin's gonna need those materials i'll just be like . š§āāļø#much to think about though. at the same time i actually have no idea what happened and need to read a plot summary#hsr#they also need to stop putting elements that i don't have built like genuinely besides gui.naifen and hime.ko i have 0 fire chars#and id rather not use ms train navigator bc she doesn't seem good against bosses#robin and sunday are intriguing and so is boothill.... neutral on fire.fly but i guess she's alright at least she improved from getting#murdered for shock value in 2.0#ramblings!#oh one more thing sunday apologist i dont think what he did was necessarily right i just want to chew on him like a toy#hoyo loves their characters falling out of giant robots#chicken wing boy pls be playable i'll pull he's so funky a bit in over his head but we love a biblical coded guy w savior complex#oops edit: also wtf is the state of the family rn we kinda just fought sunday fought sunday again for real this time and then he fell#and penacony went back to reality??? or what? maybe i'm not comprehending or maybe there's another part to this???????
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Absolutely horrific heart pounding nightmare woke me up for the day. That's. a start to it lmao
#text post#it started out so cool and had like. Jim as a diver? in something v futuristic for some docu that olu was narrating#but it just got. horrible minute by minute#Olu's narration revealed that the earth had been decimated by a war involving multiple nuclear weapons#and somehow things were like. okay enough for some survivors like him and jim to make it? but things were V Fucked lmao#then midway thru jims device/pod thing broke and it felt like i was literally controlling them thru an ocean under the crust of the earth#(no idea what that's abt lmao i think my brain spaced on set dressing this dream a lil bit)#and it was like trying to swim them thru pudding but with so many irradiated and fucked up and ANGRY sea creatures all around#i got them to the surface after floating past a bunch of bodies but they were basically out of air by then so they were gasping hard#and i woke up right then and woke up basically the same way lmao#it's been several minutes now and my heart is still pounding like mad#and im crying a little and can't seem to stop but today i set aside to try and force myself to have a good big cry#i need to find something to watch to make me cry tho so maybe s2 thus far again lol bc certain moments might do it#more likely i need to see what else i have from my past watchlists that are Guaranteed Cry items and try one of those#so i can get over this current thing with the ptsd and get my shit back together even temporarily#duct tape that all back together in the box in my brain until the next random trigger (bc i still dunno exactly what made this one go)#i think it might actually be my brain processing late a lot of Move Feelings re: mum & family bc that's what Housemate#and i talked abt last night a lot but ultimately im ???? as to a for sure trigger#anyway GOOD FUCKING MORNING i guess aksndjffjfj
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maybe bsol is that time jen tepper mentions when she was so upset about a review of a show of joe's that she broke a glass (&/or threw it out a window)
#could be anything ofc but i sure went sighhh i'll read the nyt review for science; i'm already assuming it's a piece of shit#(it was; thus predictably; a piece of shit. even the nyt rave for a show i liked was basically a piece of shit)#the only thing that makes raves higher quality is they might have actually bothered giving more info abt the show#& otherwise have devoted more thoughts & less space to just the critic's dogshit directionless griping. but barely; so#anyway i was like oh i can search twitter easily for a word as distinctive as bloodsong (except also a ship name for some videogame)#then i was like oh my god at a post from jenashtep about like oh it's the anniversary of two days in a row Events#first when the nyt bsol review was published second when i went to your apartment to make sure you weren't dead#(wait she didn't say To Make Sure You Weren't Dead she says Because I Thought You Were Dead....throw a glass situations)#like well damn also hmm....(also first thing the nyt would've covered at all i think. tbs never played in ny....or nj evidently)#one can only imagine. bsol is so [it does feel very christmas extravaganzay to me in ways. not the same lord knows but]#that like I'm riled fourteen years later finally listening to a boot which leaping into the arms of someone lifting up an Audio#same as xmas like sure i can't be like oh it's about this that the other precise moment though there are ones that extra rile me#can't say it's so obvious like i could Elevator Pitch explain to a rando why i Gasp or get weepy or just have some very special experience#plus i've never even gone lol. the way they can't stop the xmas show b/c it's a musical that just crops up a weekend a year lol#i'm so already like oh of course this is something i'm obsessed with forever now :) unsurprisingly & like it's so idiosyncratic god bless#(also unsurprisingly bloodsong seems to have been broadly warmly received; save by the Newspaper Of Note(tm) taking a dump & calling it a#day like will was saying abt tbs l.a. like oh audiences loved it local online coverage loved it just the less than halfassed review by the#Big Paper didn't & was like ''why isn't this a whole other thing'' called it a day)#anyway like hey I'm absolutely on fire for Outlaw for Not In Your Soul You Don't for Last On Land for Friendship Song to name a few#for what ended up being my proper angle of entry like oh that means a funny little villain then? (yes) like boy is that a banger alone#think thusly nominated for off bway relevant awards; got more than one nom....hey for one thing fourteen yrs later a rando can be obsessed#like that same rando cherishes the memory a livestream livechat interview where i said Black Suits Forever & they put that up onscreen so#joe had to pause like sorry i got distracted someone said black suits forever that's a line from the show & it's So that that show of mine#that never played in new york....like That's Right lol. i'm slamming the xmas fanart up to your window for year three joe Joseph the Show#(he did also see the bsol fanart which i more discreetly made a reply given he saw that Yay Krampusfucking reply last year lol)#anyway uh um. oh yeah wait also bloodsong is lifechanging sort of to me personally i'm just like. so relatively evenkeeled about it like#well of course :) & it counts as lifechanging when i get anticsful Posting. & it's lifechanging Any shows Any songs that are any kind of#impactful. speaking of like individual numbers in cabaret shows or the entire show or the album or concert or anything#as i reblog Outlaw again yelling or go god damn one Understands how last on land is the penultimate song on album#or i say to myself Whenever I Eat A Noodle; I Like To Think About The Hwheat That It Used To Belong To
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