#things i am doing instead of packing
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okay but, did I lie?
#this is what I do instead of what I am supposed to do#I'm sure I forgot something so pls dont @ me thank u#steddie#steddie memes#my edits#steddie edit#steve and eddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#steddie starter pack#steddie post s4#stranger things edit#stranger things meme
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*thinking about the villains' tragic fates*
You know, their routes never really talk too much about their fates and how it effects them mentally. Or how the MC feels about it, and dealing with the fear and angst of it with the slight exception of William's route
*eyes widen*
... I think I know what the sequels are gonna be about
#I am scared both because it will be angsty and because they might not do this and mess up the sequels#from what I can tell Ikemen sequels can be pretty hard to do right#partly because the playerbase has over a year to imagine their own post-route and get attached to that#and because added onto an already finished story can be difficult without potentially accidentally undoing the efforts of the characters#I haven't read a lot of ikemen sequels so I could be wrong#but Ikevil doesn’t have this problem so much because it feels like there are some loose threads left with their relationship and character#not enough that it leaves you unsatisfied but enough that you could definitely expand upon it#I guess the tricky thing then would be expanding upon it in a way that people like#but for me I noticed some of the routes don't feel like one full finished story in terms of their relationship#it feels like the beginning of something#specifically I get that feeling for Liam's and Harrison's route#like the story ends with them getting together because we spent the whole story getting to know each other and learning their backstory#but it still feels like there's stuff to untangle and figure out in a relationship with them#I just hope that some of the sequels will be more slow paced#and whatever Crown mission going on is only meant to enhance the character journey like in Elbert's route#instead of being the main source of drama#but it could depend with the character and what type of story a sequel for them would be best for#like William's sequel being more action-packed and stakes while Liam's is more soft#I feel like that would fit them#thank you for coming to my ted talk#...in the tags#ikevil#ikemen villains#ikemen series
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...so im writing up a little guide for how to learn to spin on a drop spindle, bc my friend wants to learn and physical distance means i can’t teach it in person -_-
my little guide has somehow already gone over 4000 words and has 5 mspaint diagrams, most of them quite detailed
#how does this ALWAYS happen ???#also unfortunately i am like. so fucking pressed for time rn and this is not a good use of my time#yet i am doing it instead of packing anyway bc its much more fun#man.....i bet writing a thesis on spinning would be fun#except for the bibliography xD#spinning#drop spindles#side note i love mspaint so fuckin much#being able to move thing around so easily.....my beloved#they look like shit though. i am embarrassed. i guess i should probably hand draw them and take pictures and paste that in
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Got my backpack all dressed up for tomorrow 😌 spent a bit deliberating on where exactly to put everything, but I am satisfied with what I got.
I also did pack an Akira keychain, though it seemed both hard to put on + its connection seemed a little flimsy, so I decided to not go thru the hassle and risk losing him. These vash & wolfwood keychains are pretty solid, & they survived 2 flights and a Lot of walking in my trip last year, so they'll hopefully be fine for this trip, too.
Always a risk to put things on a backpack with a big convention, but it's worth it to me to have them out on display
#speculation nation#i packed my trigun shirt and im gonna wear it on one of the days. probably saturday.#tomorrow i have the majority of my combat classes so im gonna wear a tank top that's good to move around in.#saturday i do have the rogue stage fighting And the saber fencing classes...#well i'll see how sweaty i get tomorrow and decide based on that lol#might make trigun shirt day on friday instead of saturday. but i WILL wear it at least one day.#i gotta find my people...!!!!!#anyways yea im going for Obviously Gay and also a weird wizard. yeah.#oh i realized i accidentally brought my WWVD (what would vash do) bracelet#so i might just wear that the whole con hfkshfk if i remember. he matters. To Me.#i still have to grab a few more things to have my bag be totally ready but i think i'll do that in the morning.#this is what mattered to get done tonight. bc i wanted to be able to take my time with it.#excited!!!! getting up bright and early to do SWORD FIGHTING at TEN AM!!! WAHOOOO
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sporadic activity notice: so ya gal is homeless ✌️🫠 it’s a big ole long story (one most likely authored by lemony snicket) we are safe, we are able to stay temporarily at an extended stay facility and we have family members helping out. we’re able to take our animals with us to the extended stay place too which is such a relief. but until all that is (hopefully) resolved; considering everything going forward from here on out is a big ole ❓(along with suffering mental + physical health) activity will be quite sporadic. i appreciate your patience and understanding. love you all!!! <3
#i’ll still have my phone but don’t know if i’ll have internet and things + how often i’ll be on so sporadic activity update just in case#we go to the extended stay place tomorrow morning#gotta try and pack as much as we can today#if i had a nickel for every time i was homeless due to reasons beyond my control i’d have TWO nickels….#which isn’t a lot but it sucks that it��s happened twice#i was like 11 the first time too oy#i am begging somebody anybody to take me out back and take me out out ole yeller style#WHO did i piss off so badly in another life WHAT did i do cos i swear im not that person anymore (literally) so pls give me a breeaakk#currently sliding a crisp fiver over to whoever has custody of my voodoo doll#and asking they instead like tuck it into bed with a warm glass of milk and a kiss on the forehead for a change#ooc.
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I just found a way to deckbuild and potentially play online multiplayer with my custom cards. This is awesome
#in summary: cockatrice#it's a free online mtg program where you can just build decks and play them against other players online#and you can upload custom sets :D#magic set editor even has a built-in export option for exporting a cockatrice set#it's a little awkward and i keep needing to reboot cockatrice but it works! i can build and play custom decks!#how well does it work online? no idea#the other player(s) may or may not need to have the custom cards as well. i don't know#but honestly just being able to do this much is incredible already#i can even build sealed decks because MSE has a pack opening simulator that you can export from#gosh i'm getting so into this that i'm considering making super-simple art for the cards to help visually distinguish them#very very nice to be able to identify a card at a glance#just like quick mono-color lineart doodles#i've barely drawn anything in my life but i'm so obsessed with my creation#definitely going to want to finalize the flavor of it before i start making art tho#god i am NOT eager to give proper names to all 180+ cards#making a few proper nouns will help name things better and faster tho#a few major characters and faction names and locations#instead of just “forge spirit” it would be “flameworks spirit” or something#give a touch of flavor and personality to it
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Thank you so much for the tarot reading you did for me a little while back 💜 i'm sorry it's taken me so long to say that! i do rather think you have prophetic gifts, by the way- it was spookily accurate and helped me a lot 🔮
No problem! I'm glad it was helpful to you!
I do tend to get at least one message like this every time I do a tarot night for my followers, and like... you are totally entitled to that belief! What do I know about psychic phenomena and prophecy anyway? lmao. Maybe I am psychic.
But personally, I believe that tarot has a high likelihood of speaking to us no matter what, if just because the archetypal nature of the cards means that they're dealing with problems that we all struggle with. We all have self-doubt, we all have complicated relationships with money, we all crave love of some kind. We all have trauma in our past and we all want to believe that this time, things could be okay.
One of the reasons I like tarot cards is because they are inanimate objects that we imbue with meaning. They were just playing cards, y'know? We're the ones that gave them power over us, and we did that by filling them with our own stories. We placed a mirror in those cards, and while mirrors can be used for scrying, they can also just be used to take a good hard look at ourselves.
If I say "oh, you've had money troubles in the past," who doesn't that apply to? Maybe I'm thinking about me, when we were homeless for a while when I was a kid. Maybe someone else is thinking about the money they lost to gambling last week. Maybe someone else, someone wildly wealthy, is thinking about a stock market crash that brought their five mansions down to two. Maybe a final person has just never had quite enough to make ends meet. God knows that describes a lot of people.
I like tarot because we can all look at the same spread and see something different. I see a story to tell to the best of my ability, and that's how I do readings. But for the people getting those readings, they're often looking into little mirrors and seeing how they reflect their own personal experiences.
Because, you know, we all see different things in the same mirror! That's how tarot works, I think. Maybe some people are a little better at reading things in that mirror and interpreting what they see there, but we all see something new and different and deeply, deeply personal when we look at those cards.
Love that for us.
#that's what I eventually ended up studying in college btw#the way people construct personalized belief systems and vernacular religion#I got into religious studies to make sense of the world after I got out of an abusive religious background#and people always ask me what religion I am now#and I always say... y'know... I don't know what I believe#I don't know if magic exists or ESP or the supernatural or any number of deities#I don't know if I fully believe anything anymore#but I do believe in the power of stories#how we tell them and why we tell them and the parts of us that we mix into them to bolster their power#stories can ease a broken heart or they can be used to launch a war#they can create a belief system or tear one apart#we tell stories to make meaning out of the senselessness around us but we use them to CREATE meaning too#and sometimes the meaning that we create can last for centuries#they can make a little pack of playing cards into something that I was forbidden to touch when I was a child#that I was too scared to even be in the room with until I was in college#and the stories I tell myself instead can reframe those cards as something lovely I can collect#that help me make sense of the world in all kinds of ways#by helping me understand the emotions at the root of our experiences#and the stories we tell to give voice to them#and make them material; a thing we can finally touch#idk I'm rambling a bit but! those are my thoughts on the matter!!#replies#tarot#tarot shenanigans
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oh god why am i so bad at moving
#just gonna be a long day#might see about extending this uhaul rental#the thought of moving everything in my kitchen is giving me nightmares#especially since i'm moving to a place that the fridge isn't working in#D:#dry microwave food for me for a few days i guess#okay i have all the big stuff in the truck#BUT THE KITCHEN STUFF#why must i like cooking so much *sob*#also never had a pantry so i have a lot of moveable shelves#urgh#those are the worst#that's what messed me up last time#left everything on the selves because they have semi sides#but a glass bottle fell out and broke and the it took me forever to get the reek of teriyaki out of the uhaul#took me at least an hour and a half of just cleaning lmaooooo#am i going to do anything differently this time?#probably not#i hate putting things in boxes just to take them out >.>#okay#i am not going to stack them as tall at least#hopefully that's enough#and put the open sides towards the wall instead of the open middle of the truck#okay time to eat so i can finish step one: packing#and move to step two: unpacking
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me: man my shoulder/neck have been hurting for weeks, i'm gonna sit with the heat pack on them to see if that helps
my body: oh that's cute, guess what's that gonna get ya? mild heat rash HAVE FUN
me: okay well at least they don't hurt anymore, right?
my body: INCORRECT
me: okayyyy well nothing ELSE hurts at least?
my body: FOOT PAIN
me: _(: 」∠)_
#personal#this all sounds very dramatic and it's not quite as dramatic as it sounds lol#but my shoulder/neck HAVE been hurting for weeks#and i did accidentally give myself what i'm pretty sure is mild heat rash from the heat pack in my attempts to make that feel less awful#so that's annoying#but i also got it to a place rn where it barely hurts (KNOCK ON WOOD PLS DON'T CURSE THIS FOR ME)#so now it's mostly just the prickly/stinging heat rash annoyance#foot did start hurting right as neck started to calm down a bit though but it's not bad just sorta mildly annoying??#i am simply tired of being in some kind of pain lol#i have also taken to ignoring my to do list and instead just laying around playing video games/watching things when i can#and that's a nice change of pace lol#i can't ignore the list forever but it's getting ignored for a little bit at least jfieowafew
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Need to stop making jokes about my grief and depression but then literally who would I be anymore.
#idk who I am if I’m not constantly making fun of myself and all my problems#and usually not dealing with them#my sadness is like a bandaid that I refuse to rip off and instead I’m just peeling it agonizingly slow and it’s also somehow peeling all of#the skin off my body at the same time and I become a live wound of a person#I wish I had my shit together enough for college or living on my own bs sometimes I think the only thing that would fix me would be picking#me up and putting me in a different state somewhere up north closer to my friends and like that’s all I need to fix me#if I wasn’t so painfully isolated life would be stellar but i can’t ever bring myself to reach out and I’m afraid constantly that everyone#hates me and is wishing I’d stop bothering them wahhhhhhhh I hate it !!!! my brain is evil!!!! I hate that it’s attatched to the rest of me!#my mom will be like. you don’t take responsibility for yourself and your feelings and you wallow in them and you blame your brain instead of#fixing yourself and I’ll be like. 😐. so how do I stop? and she’s like. idk.#I feel like my head is on fire I’m pausing my tolerance break tonight I’m gonna go get some mystery weed from my moms weed tray and pack a#bowl and probably cry some more#why did the year and a half dad death anniversary have to happen on such a humid day I just wanna walk thru the woods and cry and smoke
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The frustration of i want to do things and get things done but i dont have everything i need to fully complete it. Cant complete it so whats the point of working at all. Need to do things now so im not overwhelmed doing All Of It later. I dont have everything i need yet so i cant complete it and it looks bad. Cant complete it so whats the point-
#winter speaks#the point is i have some sort of chronic fayigue thing so foing little bits where i can instead of needing to do it all at once is necessary#but fighting against my brain for days on end to do even little things so im notbtired layer is exhausting itself#and things being so messy is triggering panic bc im gonna get in trouble even thiugh im not but oooh my god#why i hated moving why i eill hate moving and why i loathe room rearranging#itll be so.much better and object impermanence friendly and space saving plus my beds gonna be up high#and that eill be so much better mental health wise but The Process is making me want to itch my skin off#itchy itchybitchy and my head hurts and i wanna nap but i refuse and thats not good either and euuugh#and i just know my bed frame will be packed with styrofoam. the ridiculous amount of dread just from that#by march itll be done and my space will be livable agaim post depressive episode mess turned complete reorganization#and i can start my schedule things and figure shit oyt but right now i am miserable and itchy
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Oh no. Thunderstorm, and I still haven't done the dishes. Whatever shall I do. Guess they'll just have to be a tomorrow problem. Alas, alas. Going to bed without having washed a single dish today. The worst.
#random personal stuff#sarcasm mode#I got most of my packing done for the trip on Friday#should have been cranking out some analysis for you#I have SO MUCH analysis to do and so many things to reply to#...but I am braindead tonight and watched TV instead#tomorrow's not looking great either unless I get a huge burst of energy and clarity#anyway I WILL do the homework eventually but sleeping is important and I haven't done enough of that so good night#rain and thunder will be nice to fall asleep to
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jack kicking off s2 with once again being the catalyst to will’s choices; he dismissed the memory of the ear and will instantly gave that whole performance of asking for help in front of hannibal and alana. which hannibal fell for. it’s been a while since i saw s2 but i reckon that was his last interaction without a mask he can use to his advantage - he is building one whilst hannibal’s is cracking
#sad sad day in kaiseki when he learns that being honest with jack gets you nowhere#not saying any of this is jack's fault obviously#(as many people seem to do)#jack to him (and to everyone else) represents justice- the law- the normal way of doing things#(you know the way everyone says 'have you told jack crawford?' when what they really mean is the fbi) (but that's jack)#(he's if Doing The Right Thing was a guy)#(you get me)#hannibal#hr3#i have to pack but am watching 2.02 instead :/
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I scooped the litterboxes and brought the previous bag and the new one down, and took the bag of trash out of the pail, brought those out to the outdoor din and threw them in there, then got the bag of glass/metal/plastic recycling out and the cardboard/paper one and one more small bag of trash, and then i brought all of that out to the curb.
I'm exhausted.
#like I'm pooped. idk why but that all was just very physically exhausting and I'm still exhausted from yesterday's mess#i had a glass of juice+water and two more slices of challah (toasted one and ate the other in the meantime)#and now I'm sitting bc i have no energy#i want to bake :(#i still have to do the meat dishes and then I'll have the dairy to do before i can cook unless i dont change the sink to dairy and leave the#baking dishes for tomorrow after work#idk#at least one set of dishes to do#and baking is fun but still work but i need the extra snack option#and then i have to decide what to make for dinner and cook it and then after i eat i have to pack atuff for work tomorrow#and tbh i dont want to go#but no choice#also I'm annoyed at myself bc#i meant to try ordering rolls again this morning bc maybe in the AM its easier to not grab the challah instead of the rolls but i didnt and#now its evening again so I'll have to wait which is fine ive git like 3 or 4 rolls left at least#and the othr thing I'm annoyed at myself abt is i have dentist appointment on the 15th but I'm off the 14th and for 2 weeks ive known id#have ti see if i can swap my shifts#and i jsut kept not remembering to ask my boss abt it#and then i sent him an email yesterday but he was off today s#so he wont see it till tomorrow and he'll probably tell me its too short notice to change it#sigh#so i have to ask the dentist office if they first if they have an appointment available on the 14th instead amd if not is there something#next week maybe??#if id asked my boss yesterday and gotten a No i could have called the dentist today but now i have to wait for tomorrow#and the 14th is literally thursday like uggh
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#delete later#swinging wildly between excitement/relief and overwhelming anxiety/dread. its. a lot. the change is coming and i am freaking out a bit#im struggling to concentrate on anything bc there's so much to do and also so much waiting#on the upside my low energy crochet projrct is going great so that's nice. im exhausted and keep having nightmares so less nice#but i can actually relax this weekend. well i can stay home. no travelling multiple hours!!! i can sleep in!!!#i can organise. i have a plan for maximising packing space in my room bc im already out of it and there's no living room#tp store boxes in so ill just be clambering around my room for a bit i think. i cant wait to have SPACE to move and organise#I'm also relistening to taz balance which always makes me happy. and making sure im talking to ppl. my first week in new place#will be a good test of where my social skills are. essentially not great but better. better at knowing that socialising makes me happy#and is necessary anyway#its just a big thing and that's hard. but it will get easier.#and im gonna eat so much fish holy shit. have a spreadsheet of possible white goods to get and furniture. priority will be#white goods and probably a new desk for work. then sofa so im not spending all my time in bed. and i can slowly expand from there#god i can't wait to have carpet i fucking hate lino it feels so bad on my feet#but ya know. im sad i won't be living with my friends. and no cat. but nothing can be done there. i will instead maybe try plants again#im gonna have a lil patio!!!
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someone tell me to stop feeling guilty for being so inactive on here when i remade my indie with the plan of only coming on when i wanted to so i would enjoy it and not get burnt out 😩
#it's stupid because i know people aren't going to be mad at me for it#like you guys are all so cool and chill and understanding#but i still feel bad whenever i don't reply to things right away#anyway#i'm hoping to get to some things this week#i've just been in a gif pack making mood#and i've been enjoying the less stress that's come with not being in groups rn#and not feeling like i HAVE to be doing replies on anything#it's been so nice for my mental health#i've been actually able to enjoy doing replies this way instead of just feeling like i have to churn them out#okay that's it it's 5 am i need to sleep#gn folks love you all
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