#if I wasn’t so painfully isolated life would be stellar but i can’t ever bring myself to reach out and I’m afraid constantly that everyone
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Need to stop making jokes about my grief and depression but then literally who would I be anymore.
#idk who I am if I’m not constantly making fun of myself and all my problems#and usually not dealing with them#my sadness is like a bandaid that I refuse to rip off and instead I’m just peeling it agonizingly slow and it’s also somehow peeling all of#the skin off my body at the same time and I become a live wound of a person#I wish I had my shit together enough for college or living on my own bs sometimes I think the only thing that would fix me would be picking#me up and putting me in a different state somewhere up north closer to my friends and like that’s all I need to fix me#if I wasn’t so painfully isolated life would be stellar but i can’t ever bring myself to reach out and I’m afraid constantly that everyone#hates me and is wishing I’d stop bothering them wahhhhhhhh I hate it !!!! my brain is evil!!!! I hate that it’s attatched to the rest of me!#my mom will be like. you don’t take responsibility for yourself and your feelings and you wallow in them and you blame your brain instead of#fixing yourself and I’ll be like. 😐. so how do I stop? and she’s like. idk.#I feel like my head is on fire I’m pausing my tolerance break tonight I’m gonna go get some mystery weed from my moms weed tray and pack a#bowl and probably cry some more#why did the year and a half dad death anniversary have to happen on such a humid day I just wanna walk thru the woods and cry and smoke
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