#theyve both done selfish things

[nonbinarylesbianherb]

watching ppl on HOTD twitter fight between who is worse vs alicent and rhaenyra and it's like,, they're both terrible can't we just embrace that already </3

[girlkissergideon]

in honor of my previous reblog id love to say part of the reason i think i love coallecroux so much is like. yeah sure kremy is all about lying and smooth talking and yeah sure he tries to straighten himself up and just continue and yeah sure he tries to just keep everything together tied with a pretty bow but he is VERY paranoid and that is very clear

he is paranoid and he is unabashedly not the golden example of a "Good Person". he isnt one. he may care about some people but when it comes down to it he is selfish.

gideon, for all his charm is quick to rage. he is brute force he is impulsive he is a creature of instinct and strength because that is how he had to survive! he doesnt hide this! he, like kremy, is selfish. he cares for people, sure, thats clear in his interactions with, for example, twig! he IS kind. IF he likes you. it is entirely "my way or the highway."

both of them are self-oriented and will push forward by any means. theyve had to survive this way for years of their lives, both either running away or toward something. away from their past, their fears, their wrongdoings, or toward their revenge, their better future... whatever you get what im saying

THEYRE NOT GOOD PEOPLE. thats what im saying. theyre KIND . sometimes . thats not hard to show. they care about Some things and they care about Some people

ANYWAYS sorry off track

a reason i think i love coallecroux so much is because they are such a strong example of like. not love "fixing" you, but feeling love regardless of what the person has done.

Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway.

- edgar allan poe

THAT is coallecroux.

coallecroux is unconditional.

THAT is why i love it so much!! ^_^

[just-a-floofy-catt]

I feel like i haven't posted in forever again TwT

I found an old GlitterGolf idea drabble that I wrote after reading a really good fic about them buried in the depths of my phone so uh...

*throws it at you*

Omg a glittergolf fic with judgemental, sassy, hw2-esque Sun

So like, not only is there the trope of Monty disliking him and thinking hes annoying asf and a weird freak,  but now instead of being oblivious and nice, Sun returns the same energy, thinking that Monty is a selfish brute who shouldnt be trusted around children. Like, he'll make very off  comments about him and just spend the whole time scowling and trying to shoo him out XD

So, like, imagine there's a thing going on at the daycare.

Where, as almost like, a way to bring more business in and shit, theyve started having a daily thing where one of the glams will visit the kids there and do an activity with them for an hour or so. Usually its Freddy, sometimes its Chica, and rarely its Roxy. This is the first opportunity that Sun really gets to meet them, and it actually goes really well. Sun absolutely adores Freddy, has a new bestie in chica, and shockingly has some good banter and an unlikely friendship with Roxy.

However, theres a day where Freddy has to go for energency maintenence, and the others are all booked for parties.

Leaving only Monty free to do it.

Now, Monty has never done one of the shifts before, because he doesnt do well with the younger kids. Both because hes scary to alot of them, and because he also just doesnt really know how to deal with them. Maybe deep down theres even a deep rooted fear of hurting them 👀👀👀

(There definitely is)

But so he is absolutely NOT excited to go.

Despite the way that the rest of the Glams praise up Sunny and how great he is, Monty does not care and still views him as the same annoying freak he always did, despite not having met him yet.

So, he shows up and Sun opens the door all cheery being like "Oh hello Freddy! Youre a bit late i was worried you werent gonna show up and-"

And then he clocks that its monty.

"Oh."

He immediately glares down at him in pure, utter distain, voice filled with disappointment and mirth.

Monty stares back up at him with a huff, tense. If he had fur, his hackles would be absolutely raised.

Then Sun would be all like "ugh. Ew. why are you here", and Monty very bluntly explains that hes been forced to go and that Freddy is in maintenence.

Then Sun tries to shut the door on him XD

"Im sure the kids can go one day without a glamrock then! Ill let them know freddy is sick, thank you for telling me. Lovely to meet you, Montgomery!"

Monty stops the door by grabbing it stongly with his hand, scoring clawmarks into it.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

Sun scoffs at the damage

"Im the one taking over, dipshit. Im here to do my fuckin job"

The realization that hes truely stuck with Monty dawns on him, and he opens the door again, taking a deep breath.

"No swearing in the daycare..."

He spits it through gritted teeth and relents, turning his back to him and stalking away.

Then the cheery front goes back up and he completely changes XD

He introduces Monty to the kids as best as he can, but none of them really seem too interested, making him both snicker but also be incredibly frustrated that his dramatic intro didnt work.

(Also, to explain more character stuff, Sun is mostly in typical fanon form, and then uses all that hw2 sass mostly as a defence mechanism. Hes definitely got some mischief to him that he also uses it for, like banter with Roxanne, but for the most part hes a sweetheart. He gets easily frustrated with management and people that he doesnt like, but has alot of patience with activities like crafts and also with the kids. He is still like, painfully innocent and has his loopy childlike vibe, but just covers it up when he feels threatened. The best way i can describe it is that he acts like a playground bully when he doesnt like you. XD Still childish, but now just a more snarky, cold and mean version. Hes a bit cautious of some new things, although very curious. So he normally is a bit cautious around new people, but very welcoming and nice.

This is different for Monty, because of what he hears from the kids XD

Alot of them when mentioning him in passing, see Monty as scary and violent, so now thats how Sun views him. Alot of the kids see him as a threat, so now Sun does too. Hes protective of the kids, so of course hes jumped to judge someone he doesnt know based on whether the kids like him or not XD

Dont get me wrong, in some situations hed definitely try to show the kids the thing theyre scared of isnt so bad, but in the case of Monty, he has confirmation  that he can be angry and violent from the other glams and staff, so of course he still just sees him as bad lmao.

Like, the way he acts towards Monty is mostly because of mama bear instinct stuff. He sees him as a threat to the kids  so he doesnt like him.)

Enemies to lovers my beloved ✨️

But over time, Monty starts having to do it more and more, as inconveniences keep piling up, and Sun starts to kind of let his guard down, and the scathing defensiveness turns into teasing. He sees Monty actually trying to connect with some of the kids, and also after spending his whole life w Moon, understands that Monty is frustrated that theyre scared of him. He starts to see the good in Monty, and also pity him a bit.

Monty on the other hand, starts to admire how much Sunny cares about the kids, and steadily gets used to his upbeat and overly cheery demeanor. He no longer sees him as annoying, but instead, endearing.

And then theres eventually endgame GlitterGolf

[doraambrose]

When it comes to the Victim Blaming Grief coping one of the big things that makes it an issue is that he actually did it to Jason's face (in Hush as it was retconned to be Jason he said that too).

And, when Jason comes back it stops being grief for the dead, it becomes grief for the wounded. And people victim blame people who were hurt too. This is how they cope, however this coping mechanism always hurts the victim and is a genuinely bad coping mechanism that shouldn't be used. It's harmful. It's harmful to the victim and it is harmful for the other people who might be grieving. It's probably one of the most selfish coping mechanisms.

I've experienced people using this method in real life and it's rough. And it's toxic. Saying you can't criticize the way someone grieves is flawed because you are rarely the only one grieving and I personally have been harmed during a period of shared grief. And I am sure other people have been too because grief brings out the bad in people but that doesn't mean all is forgiven.

Like, imagine if Jason was just comatose and all the victim blaming happened and then Jason just woke up and found out all Bruce had been saying about him? Would Jason's feelings be justified then?

Also, saying the deceased person doesn't matter when they die disregards a lot of religious and spiritual beliefs around honoring the dead.

I feel like Jason is as justified as any other person harmed when someone copes with toxic way in being upset. Jason's death is also a traumatic thing that happened to him. Centering Bruce's feelings while disregarding Jason's as unjustified doesn't feel fair. Especially considering the incident where Bruce took Jason to Ethiopia to try to trigger Jason's memories of what brought him back without his consent.

(Sorry if this was a bit much, I've experienced a decent amount of the bad sides of grief in my life and feel strongly about it)

Okay, so I feel like I need to re answer my previous post because I was struggling to find the right words and also at work, but I think I've figured it out.

One thing to keep in mind is when we talk about feelings, grief, and emotions, there's not a set right or wrong. I also mentioned that I don't like the word justified in this case because it sounds like right or wrong. I did use it at the end, but I'll get into that here. This is a very gray area subject matter and that makes it tricky and you're never gonna find an answer that everyone agrees with because it's not really as fact based as if I said "batman wears a cape sometimes" or "dick grayson is nightwing".

The first thing that comes to mind for me is what my therapist tells me when I feel guilt over feelings. She would tell me "anything you're feeling is valid, you're allowed to be upset, angry, sad, jealous, etc. It's how you act on those feelings.. something I can't remember atm lol". So when I say jason isn't justified, I'm saying that he's allowed to be upset and angry and his feelings are valid, it's not right to actively take it out on the family and hold it against them and be sort of malicious or harmful. And i know theyve done that plus some towards him, but its important to remember that you can only control your own actions and even if someone is being toxic and harmful, that doesnt mean you should too. I think I didn't explain that right and there was some miscommunication. I also wanted to explain why I felt that jason would be angry.

As for this comment, both of these asks were right. Grief can be harmful and toxic. And before I say what I'm going to say next, keep in mind that I'm discussing grief alone and not any of the stuff post utrh that Bruce has done to jason that's harmful and abusive. This toxic kind of grief doesn't make the person a bad person. They can't help it. It's your brain going crazy to try and cope with something traumatic. When my dog died, I wanted to sue my vet, even though they didn't really so anything wrong. It's easier to have someone in front of you to blame. I'm not saying it's right or okay, but it does happen and it can be harmful, but you're not a bad person for it. (In Bruce's case, he's a bad person for all the other shit he's pulled outside of this)

I think these two asks are like at the opposite ends of this topic and I think it's something that you can meet in the middle with. So basically

Yes, grief can be toxic and harmful, but it's also very much a subconscious phenomenon and it's extremely personal and different for everyone and alot of times, people are unaware of what they're doing.

Because of that, jason can be hurt by it, he can be angry,etc. His feelings are valid, But it's not fair to activey hold that over Bruce forever, which he doesn't, this seems more like a fanon thing btw. But it also doesn't hurt to apologize afterwards.

I think when you say that the idea of not critiquing the way someone grieves is flawed, it comes off as unempathetic. Because as someone who has had to grieve alot of the past few years, it's the worst feeling. And your brain is literally scrambling to cope with it so you don't actively lose your shit and sometimes it ends up with some unhealthy Coping mechanisms. And you're usually unaware of what you're doing. I feel like you're not thinking of how the other person is feeling or what they're going through. And fair is fair, they need to see what you're feeling too and actively try to remedy things at some point, there just needs to be more patience and empathy all around and trying to remember that this person is not always intentionally being malicious.

I'm a religious person. So I see where youre coming from, but nobody said the deceased doesn't matter. I think the point was more that you don't have to worry as much about how that person is feeling or thinking because they've moved on to a better place, you should focus on self care and doing what's best for your mental health.

I am also 100% not trying to center around Bruce's feelings and discredit jasons, in fact, the last post was 100% about jasons feelings.

In summary, there's not "justified" or "right" or "wrong". It's super complicated, varies from person to person, and is a tricky subject matter. Everyone's feelings are valid and there definitely needs to be more empathy and patience on all sides, but there are still actions that have been made on both sides that aren't the best and can be hurtful or toxic. I hope this all makes sense and I worded it right :)

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

Wait Jensen leaves edenbrook? 🤲 spare lore pls

(~night-triumphantt this is my main loll)

OMG OMG JENSEN LORE?? were going to be here for a while (these are literally my fav types of asks)

yes jensen does leave edenbrook (and unfortunately it is not cute and fun. but anyway.) like 2-3 years post book three (i havent decided exactly when)

so in my hc ethan is as bad, if not worse than he is in canon. hes always had issues w jensen, and jensen is not one to try and smooth it over. this post is a lot more detailed, but for a quick summary, ethan always had something of a thing for jensen, but didnt know how to act on it. like hes never been w men before in a romantic sense (just some weird fucked up competitive longing way. cough cough tobias) so he had a hard time coming to terms w that aspect of it. and on top of it jensen wanted NOTHING to do w his ass

jensen tells it like it is and ethan has always taken it very personally, which has put a lot of distance between them and sparked Many arguments. jensen has been upset w him for making his first and second year so much more difficult than it needed to be, and ethan has never apologized or acknowledged it. overall, they just frustrate each other and theres a lotttt of tension between them all the time. theyre both headstrong but in opposite ways (ethan likes to be right and outsmart people, jensen just wants shit to get done which makes him very direct) and its just never worked out, essentially

ethan also has a remarkable talent for hitting triggers jensen didnt even knew he had. theyve had their fair share of blow-up arguments because of ethans demeanor, abuse of power, and how they handle cases in general, and ethan just knows right where it hurts every time. jensen doesnt even like arguing, and usually he just shuts down the second they start raising voices, but he always tries his best to get his point across before then

anyway, now that you have the backstory, we can actually get to How jensen quits

at the end of book 3, jensen takes over the diagnostics team and ethan takes up an administrative position. in fandom, a lot of people keep ethan as the dt lead bc he would hate an administrative position. i know this and put him in the administrative position anyway bc its what he deserves. with that in mind, ethan takes pretty much any chance he can to stop in to check on the dt and the cases they have. hes a Terrible micromanager and doesnt like the changes jensen has made to it

jensen tries to take his advice/guidance in his first year leading it, but is ready to make changes/decisions by himself as time goes on. ethan is not ready to give up his spot, even if he already did in writing, and it just turns into a lot of unnecessary overseeing and trying to comment and help on cases after jensen already had them distributed and handled

ethan has always had a problem when it comes to questioning and not trusting jensens calls and judgement on diagnostics cases. while he was more subtle about snooping into some of the DT cases, theres one case he goes over jensens head with and changes a bunch of the calls he made just bc he didnt trust that jensen could "handle" it

jensen ends up finding out, obvi, when the patient he spent nights and days researching for is suddenly Not following the treatment plan he laid out. he talks to the rest of the dt about it and obvi nobody knows anything, so it doesnt take him long to figure out what happened

ethan comes to see them and it is Not pretty. jensen straight up asks why tf he touched the case, and jensen knew it was because he didn't trust him, but he wanted to hear him say it to confirm. they end up arguing back and forth, but, for once, jensen doesnt just sit quietly (theres more reason to this that will be detailed in the fic i eventually post ab it). when ethan yells at him, which usually keeps him quiet, jensen lays out every instance where ethan has ruined his time there. how hes selfish, priviledged, and doesnt stand for anything someone in medicine should care about. basically spells out every way hes incompetent and biased as a doctor and how actually he should just quit bc he was never cut out for it in the first place. and then jensen quits on the spot.

now, jensen had actually been looking into leaving before that. bryces residency was done, and bryce had been having a difficult time connecting w people bc when you push everyone out of the way to get to the top, surprise, they dont like you! also, jensens ambitious as fuck. hes wanted to start more accessible dt resources and teams across the country since he heard ab edenbrooks team

so while him quitting seemed very impulsive, he was already waiting on offers from a hospital in california and chicago (and trust, they were happy to have him)

the whole thing was a HUGE point of drama for the hospital. jensen is not known for blow up reactions. hes more known for lack of reactions to big things, if anything, so to have him quit like that was absolutely wild. also like. thats just an insane way to quit as it is

but in the end it led to a lot more scrutiny of ethan and how he behaves as a doctor. his behavior is highlighted in the book jensen eventually writes ab his experience w the medical field (not by name, but it doesnt take much to figure it out) which also ends up leaking a lot more shit ab ethan as the board further pushes into the specific incidents detailed in jensens book. basically jensen ruins ethans career which is so real of him

but yeah anyway. i didnt need to post a novel length explanation but here u go <3

[srk8t]

hi, this is not something that i usually post, but I'd like to get it off from my chest since ive kept this for quite a long time and talking it on tumblr is my only hope to do so.

please don't stop talking about Palestine.

no matter where I go, what social media that i use, there are always consistently something that has been preventing me and thousands of others from speaking out our voices, and to my surprise, even ROBLOX. FUCKING ROBLOX. IS A VICTIM OF THIS.

STOP SILENCING OUR VOICES. STOP LYING TO THE PEOPLE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR PATHETIC BLOOD MONEY WHEN INNOCENT CIVILIANS AND LOVING MOTHERS HAVE SUFFERED IN THIS GENOCIDE.

thousands and hundreds of money wasted for the sake of war instead of using it to help the homeless and those who are in need. Do you think the world is a big stage for you to sit down in your air conditioned room while crossing your legs on the couch, while watching others suffer?

I have never been more UPSET to see how selfish and brutal these "people" are, calling palestinians "human animals" and saying they are savages while hamas are terrorists when theyve released hostages, and have done nothing but be nice to the said hostages. WHILE THE WHITE AND BLUE STATE REFUSES TO TAKE THE SAID HOSTAGES BACK.

I am unable to speak with such anger and show my frustrations elsewhere, as that'll only result in my socials being banned or shadow banned. I've seen this story play itself out more times than one might assume, as i observed from afar just to see what people all around the world treat muslims and islam itself. It is different, I grew up in a country where a vast majority are muslims while other religions can peacefully coexist.

I grew up hearing about palestine and gaza ever since I was in elementary school. Malaysia has tried to speak upon this but perhaps at that time, people just didn't care enough or, our voices were silenced.

I've seen white men fighting against defenseless nations. I've seen westerners blaming how islam teaches its followers horrible things. I've seen americans calling countless muslims as terrorists. But i have yet to see anyone, LITERALLY anyone calling the one who is in the wrong the actual terroist.

"I'm not educated enough to talk about this!"

THEN EDUCATE YOURSELF.

"This doesn't affect me"

THEN EDUCATE YOURSELF.

"Both are in the wrong and it has nothing to do with me nor my country"

If you as human are willing to defend genocide and "stay neutral", you are a coward to wake up and face reality. You called us terrorists as if it's a word that can easily be used whenever you like. And why again, are these white supremacists fighting against people who have no army and are defenseless in power? Is it perhaps they as well are afraid if they go for a bigger target who has the same, equal power as them?

THIS IS A PUBLIC GENOCIDE, THEY WANT TO WIPE PALESTINE OFF THE MAP. EDUCATE YOURSELF.

I've seen a loooot of isnotreal dick riders, and willing to go on lengths of texts just to justify genocide... do you get paid to do so? do you feel a sense of relief by wasting your time instead of doing something more useful and educational? Or are you turning a blind eye to the real problem? Your eyes are clear as skies, but your heart is an empty void of ignorance.

I am tired of staying silent for long. How many lives would it take until it will make people finally be aware? Once a colonizer, you are always a colonizer. From the river to the sea, palestine will be free. I was a young and clueless girl when i first heard this story. But I've grown and learned the hard ways of life and its rules. this time, i will not stay silent.

this time, i will not let my voice go unspoken

and this time, i will keep on fighting and spread awareness about palestine and the thousands of years that they have suffered.

If you burn, you'll burn with us.

[bachikinmo4]

Nothing is fun to me anymore rlly. (Rant under cut)

I always feel either scared or unimportant around people id consider my friends. I hope they consider me my friends. I want to talk to people more and hang out more but i always feel scared and anxious that im gonna mess it up. Many times have i talked to people and came out of it feeling like i chose all the wrong dialogue options in a game. I just want to be liked and appreciated without having to ask or beg for it or initiate it myself. Its selfish of me to say that yes but what can i do. You cant be selfless all the time in this stupid baka world.

I have this one group i play games with. We roleplay while playing and make up our own story. But ive noticed that its so fucking biased to one person. They always have the most drastic plot developments, most insane shit happening to them, the spotlight is always on them like theyre the main character. Idk how the others feel about it but the plot almost never circles around them as much as it does to that guy. Maybe theyre used to it as this isnt the first rp campaign theyve done. Im not and i dont like it, it should be a even group effort and not leaning to one character.

Theres also this one person, i dont hate them at all, but they are always so unnecessarily angry all the time, especially when i ask a question about something i dont know. Not my fucking fault that im new to this and dont know as much as you, stop yelling at me. "They just explained it to you!" Well what if i didnt fucking understand . Then what. You got a problem with me wanting clarification? Or needing something complex explained? God forbid. They also get angry at things other than me or the game but it still makes me uncomfortable and scared. It makes me not want to play with that group anymore if everyone's just gonna be purposefully vague, get mad at me or something else, or add confusing plots and details and inside jokes i dont understand. I dont understand almost any of the inside jokes and references bc i didnt hang out with that group long enough and i feel like a total outcast and tourist to this friend group. But i dont want to police anything, thatd make them like me less. Im sorry.

I feel like an outcast to any group tbf. Im always a little too different from everyone. Im too young. Im too old. I like different things. I have different opinions. I value different things. It makes me feel hated and annoying and maybe im right in saying that. Maybe i am annoying. Im too weird. Im too anxious. I cant even ask someone i really like if they want to hang out with me and talk more. I fear disappointing them and scaring them off. I dont want to weird them out. Im a good person. I hope i am. We both are weird in our own regards but im scared ill be too much to them. Too annoying, too hard to talk with. Too hard to please, too hard to understand.

Too hard to be around with.

[cinnamostar]

hiiii again! :)

just wanted to share my thoughts on 'Four Dates to Fall in Love.'

I hope you are doing well ❤️

I loved the start with Chris—how you incorporated him as someone reader can share their feelings with and sort out their thoughts. It adds so much to the story and the characters. Especially when the reader goes on about wanting to keep having fun with Hyunjin but struggles when memories and emotions about the past years come back. I loved how Chan validated both feelings and helped the reader find a way to deal with the situation. This whole situation takes a lot of emotional intelligence, maturity, empathy, and firm boundaries. I'm so happy to see this portrayed in fanfiction. 🫶

Besides that, I also really enjoyed them cooking together—the teasing, their smiles, and the reader's hands over Hyunjin's. It was such a good read, and the underlying awkwardness was so tangible!

"[...] suddenly hyper aware of the strange warmth in your stomach that was also accompanied by the feeling of your stomach dropping. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one you didn't know how to explain or ever experienced before, but you did know you didn't want that combination of symptoms again for whatever emotion this was." I think I died reading that part. Way too good. YOU ARE SO TALENTED. I've said it so often, but the way you describe feelings—especially those opposing feelings—it's perfect.

AAAAAND you did justice to Hyunjin and his feelings in this part! How he struggles with what he has done, the reader's friendliness, the guilt, and the hate he almost has on himself.

"[...] shame paralyzed his body, the warm sensation behind his eyes reminding him to blink, reminding him he shouldn't be so selfish in his pain when he was the cause of so much discomfort." Shame is such an underrated emotion and is rarely acknowledged, but yet it is so powerful. Loved that you incorporated this emotion.

Last but not least, the last part broke me. How the reader chose to comfort Hyunjin, their inner conflict with their choice—"[...] despite what your mind screamed at you, you chose to listen to your heart, you chose him over himself".... I was fr dead on the floor after reading this. I mean—I know how hard it is to be in this situation, and I probably would do the same, but I screamed with the reader's mind.

Sooooo - in conclusion, I love how you portray them so humanly, all their struggles... I can really see myself in them. I can't wait to finally get them together.

And I wanted to point out: taking a rest from writing has paid off. Your dialogs were just perfect. I loved the slow burn. You did really well. ❤️

YOUR MESSAGES ALWAYS MAKE MY DAY SO MUCH BETTER T - T THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH it makes me genuinely so happy that someone finds my work that impactful so it always so appreciated :')!

my intention from the start was to always have chris there as someone the reader could rely on and have candid conversations regarding their emotions! its one thing to write how the reader is feeling, but i think its another for the reader to talk to someone else abt it bc i feel like it can reveal a lil more about the characters and their relationship with each other! like yeaaa chris is reader's manager, but also a great friend over the years theyve known each other!

and yeah, they both have a lot of emotions to process and figure out! its really hard to be either of them in that position because shame/guilt is such a difficult feeling to digest, especially when the other party still hasn't forgiven. so tbh, its hard for hyunjin to know what to do or how to handle anything bc ultimately, it is up to the reader on how they wanna handle their relationship w him... hyunjin can only hope for forgiveness, but has been blessed with kindness too!

reader is also in a hard position because if it wasn't for the fact there wasn't an acting project on the line, reader would've probably been a lot more callous towards hyunjin. but theres a role on the line that the reader really wants, so reader gotta suck it up a little. while the reader did chose to be kind to hyunjin, a lot of it has to do with just spending time with him. i think no matter how angry you can be with someone, if you miss a friendship and are able to see them for who they really are, its hard to be a total dickhead to them JKLFDSJ especially if they seem super apologetic.

BUUUUUUUUUT reader choosing this doesnt mean their hurt goes away.............. I HAVE PLANS, I CANNOT SAY MORE, BUT THERE ARE PLANS FOR THIS SERIES NSJKDFNA emotions are complex and hard so this entire series is just gonna be That (but also im avoiding being repetitive too so that was an added challenge when i outlined this series)

personally, reader is actually a lot better than me, im a hater til i die, but then this story wouldnt be going anywhere...

after this chapter, there are only three dates left and then one extra chapter... i have had this all planned out, im excited and hope u enjoy whats next !!<333 thank u sm again i literally love seeing ur messages in my inbox . and yes!!! the break helped a lot :') thank u for encouraging the writing break tooMMMMMMWAH

[queenburd]

hmm i am also thinkin abt the curator line “they need each other” …. something something, can a narrator survive without his stanley? just like a human can’t survive without food/water.. quotes in the skip button ending:

“One single thing I need -…- is to know that someone else is taking it in.”

“When you press that button,… the emptiness folds itself outward in between the two of us, and I am suspended in its unyielding quietness. I can feel the edges of my reality curdling inward and decaying. I can tell that I am becoming less and less real.”

so in the same way.. i assume that all of those narrators banding together would provide some kind of support, but. they’re all so busy trying to be heard, they don’t actually listen to each other. it’s just a big game of giving water to the man starved of food. each others’ company is enough to sustain, but it won’t be for forever.

which is why they go after stan’s narrator; they’re not 100% certain what he’s been doing, but surely he’s hoarding all of these stanleys to himself, right? why would he not hold onto them? where is he hiding them?

but there are some narrators too, that read the room and say “what the hell. the only people here selfish enough to hoard stanleys are the ones suggesting this.” and they form their own coalition which isn’t an echo chamber. they all spent their parables making assumptions on themselves and on their stanleys. this was cruel, yes, and basically a death sentence, but they recognize the self-loathing faster than a counselor in the foster care system. and some of them are still in denial about how they treated their stanleys. but they all recognize that We Need To Hear This Guy Out.

and obviously there’s a lot of infighting from both groups. it’s a high-stress situation, who wouldn’t be stressed out by the end of their life suddenly being a thing that is real and also is approaching rapidly. and there are plenty that just give up and let themselves melt away out of guilt or hopelessness.

so the hate group finally gets this guy. and he gives 0 fucks about them. which is frustrating since they did their best to strip him of his power, but he’s been heard by so many stanleys and they haven’t, so they’re still substantially weaker than him.

the sensible group of narrators aren’t able to even get a look at him. and so they’re busy scheming, but less than the hate group. so when the stanleys come to save the narrator, they notice sooner and they make a break for it. “there’s a lot to discuss, but first we want to help save your narrator.” “there isn’t much time before the others notice.” “we’re trying to hide your presence as long as possible.” “do what you do best—tune them out when they want you to listen.” “yes and that punch was deserved. i deserved that.”

the stanleys are suspicious. who are these fuckers with feelings and what have you done to our original narrators lol???? but they’re willing to go with it. how else would they have escaped their parables without trusting an unexpected offer for help?

you said you didn’t have a lot of thoughts but luckily i did ❤️ i might write smth about this au or the original au. still deciding. but my drafts folder is still overflowing so i probably won’t start until there’s a little more stanley stuff fleshed out. ok it’s my bedtime

THE PUBLIC NEEDS TO SEE THIS. I HAVE LITTLE TO ADD TO THIS GEM other than I have genuinely begun to wonder if any of the narrators, having seen this fellow, who theyve been trying to BREAK, just refusing to be broken, begin to.... wonder.

because again, and again, he just keeps telling them "you didn't take care of him. he only had you and you only had him and YOU DIDNT TAKE CARE OF HIM." and he's relentless.

"I dont get to be with my Stanley either, but god, at least in the time I had him I appreciated him. Our story was supposed to be about him finding happiness, and you all forgot that."

I absolutely can see some of them, who werent the cruel ones but were more invested in their story and in their art, starting to wonder "....was he right? did I forget why this was so important? did I--"

YOU HAVE SOMETHING HERE.

[wormbloggign]

omg he was

clockblocker where is your gaydar? this bi lesbian doesnt have time for your bullshit

actually i guess she does?

i doubt she has anywhere she wants to go in a rush rn

oh wow, this guy really just wants to be as big of a p.o.s as possible, i guess it harmless but it would be nice to see him get undermined by his subordinates in the future

she's a little out of sync with polite society huh

(while police brutality is very much a real thing and prisoners get abused to alarming amounts especially by their guards and wardens, from what i've gleamed of wildbows personal philosophy, i doubt any of that is going to happen here)

that's a solid quip tho, taylors getting better at the more traditional elements of a superpowered persona

(while in the prison, she is functionally able to do cutaway gags)

theyve been stepping around the idea that taylors pregnant a weird amount in this chapter, i hope its just a weird beat and not anything more.

no she can't :)

thats just vindictive man, dont be a dick

an interesting thing to bring up, now that we know more. we can assume that her trigger event at least resonated with the idea that her passenger/guide/consort represents and 2 other events (that i remember) which both involve taylor (notably as herself, not skitter) taking action against people who have been unreasonably vindictive and cruel to her, one could probably argue that her boosting concept is flat Justice, but i doubt that because of the bug motif, specifically the fact it first flared up in a way that wouldnt punish emma but instead, comfort taylor when she needed to ground herself, we also run with her theme of necessity (almost definitely not her boosting concept either) where she goes out of her way to make sure the things that NEED doing are done, far more concerned with what good she can do with power and wealth than wanting it for selfish reasons. at times i feel like she's a well placed bit of oil, lubricating the machine of society (bad metaphor but you get the picture).

with all that i think vindication might be the closest i could get to guessing but that'd still be wrong

i can say though, it doesnt amplify when she feels trapped, it amplifies when she works to escape.

(note, i may have just said nothing with all that, disregard)

i love taylors bug references, 10/10 every time

good for her, its nice to hear she's healing

oooohhhh 98% timeline it is, that's reassuring to hear

aw, you're gonna make her blush

DINAHS ON TOP BABEYY

(it seems she's lucid and has agency, i am proud of her recovery and also her sass)

COMMON (clap emoji) DINAH (clap emoji) W

i think i might hate this guy more than armsmaster, at least he had the excuse that he was trying to do the right thing (sometimes), tagg seemingly just hates capes in all forms and enjoys making people suffer when he can make them, genuinely sickening, shouldn't be allowed near children

taylor was riling up to defend the girl who sentenced her to probably the birdcage, sad that it showed her hand.

that's what i said!

(also, boss move announcing her prescence throughout the building, theyve been fully compromised.)

not mind control, just good, old fashioned lesbianism

funniest counter-argument

L bozo, wrong again

taylors up to her favourite pastime again, SPOT CHECKING GOVERNING BODIES!!

[sonny-whorezik]

what really sucks is i wanted to hold out . i understood the situation and i knew they were struggling and i tried to let them know i was here as best i could long distance with minimal contact . but it had felt so Bad just getting maybe Maybe 15 - 20 texts a day it seemed with hours in between the majority while all i know here in colorado are couples who live together and call every day . i would just keep taking myself on errands , to coffee shops , bookstores , parks , ive felt like ive been dating myself towards the end because they just did not have the time for me and i understand why and i was willing to wait for it to pass and just be there for them if they needed me . but it has been hard . i even wrote in my list notebook that by jan 10 if it keeps going on to say something and if the behavior stays the same january 20th then i would be the one to break up for the sake of both of us . i was willing to do this another month and keep giving it a chance

typing all this out does help a bit , just moments ago i was sobbing in my car ; i still have 45 minutes of my break and when this post is over i will likely sob again . i just . idk . i feel like i tried all i could but i keep thinking i couldve somehow done more . like move back to where they live , or create things for them , mail letters again , say good morning instead of replying to last night's message and not hearing back until almost 4pm when my day is halfway over and theirs is just beginning . i wish i told them i love them more

they got nervous when i didnt acknowledge they were excited to see me in february because i was distracted christmas day dealing with my bank i should have told them how much i look forward to it , how it is what keeps me trying to be productive : seeing them in the future . i just had to hold out til february until i felt i couldnt , then it became january 20th as a last resort because i didnt know what to do anymore . i didnt know who they wanted me to be for them, how to be engaged when all they talked about was how hard it all is and how tired they are while i couldnt do a single thing it seemed but text , what could i do almost a thousand miles away ? im sorry i keep posting these i dont know what to do with these feelings and thoughts but purge them and have them acknowledged , whether or not someone reaches out which i dont really want , i think i just want to be heard . i cant tell my roommates due to our unorthodox situation i dont want to hear anything bad said about them from their ex , i dont care what he feels towards them or how he's never been supportive but still has been in my life knowing how involved they have been for my entire adult life . theyre not a bad person , ive never thought of them as abusive or toxic or bad or selfish or all these things people have told me to think when i just wanted to vent and be heard , not hear that they think we're incompatible . and i guess we are incompatible or else this wouldnt be happening . ive told myself this is just a situational issue and not The Relationship but maybe i have been wrong

i dont want that to be the truth . i swear it was just circumstantial , that it just got a little extra hard for a little while but we could get through it and they would know throughout this i would be there for them . i wanted to get them a promise ring while theyve been going through recovery just to give them something to remind them im there for them until the end , however that looks . i will never get the chance to do that for them now , it's too late and i am left just in horror it feels like . im so scared . im So , so scared of everything but ive always had them , now i do not and i know im capable of living without them , but why ? why do i have to do that now ? what could i have done different ? i just feel so , so sorry i couldnt be a better partner and i know they said its not my fault it's just where they are in life , but they didnt seem as sure as i feel about reuniting down the road after we work on ourselves. i just want to throw up but i havent eaten in 24 hours i dont feel hunger or anything but absence and anxiety . cant even listen to tmbg anymore everything i love reminds me of them and theyre not here anymore

[icarusredwings]

"Wade, the girls are here."

"What?"

"The girls. Are. Here!"

"There goes a hare?"

*violently gestures to their daughters*

"Oooh! Look, honey the girls are here!"

*old man face palm*

Laura and Gabby coming to take care of them sometimes, bringing them food, bringing them medicine and constantly nagging at them to take it easy (but theyre both stubborn so they don't) they bring them to gatherings at the mansion on the holidays, refusing to let them be alone.

".. I don't want to go."

"Dad you gotta. They miss you. We all do."

But logan isn't dumb. He's already been to all of their funerals, all of their childrens funerals, and even some grandchildren's funerals. Jeans been dead for over a thousand years. Xavier has been dead for longer.

"Papa. Tell him to come. We can bring Puppins."

Ellie, who's 16 again (because her power keeps regenerating her to a teenage, but she ages normally otherwise) tells her, begging her father to come and do things with her step sisters.

"Come on. I'll drive you." Gabby, who's turned into a fine young lady over the years, barley looking 35 (I might be wrong but I swear she has the same healing as laura and if thats true then shes still alive, I thought she could scar tho so many shes filled with scars and shows wade how proud she is of them)

As proud as they both are of their girls, something just dosn't feel right even going on that side of town. The school by now has fallen apart millions of times and changes slightly with each rebuild. Logan doesn't even recognize it anymore.

They would rather stay in, with themselves. Wade curled up against him, rubbing in between his knuckles, logans head lazily laid against him as they watch a show over 500 years old, their home considered extremely lowtech compared to modern day. They have several "vintage" items like a ps5, which is nothing compared to the ps5X which was releasing later this year to celebrate their 50th playstation. The games have stopped working, their 800 year old laptop collecting dust in a drawer, letters and notes stacked high in a shoe box under the bed, the freezer full of left overs that their daughters keep bringing them.

It sounds depressing but.. theyre happy. Decently anyway minus Wade's once a month breakdown in which he tries to skin himself or clings to Logan for an entire 18 hours straight because hes terrified of him leaving him alone when he dies.

Sure, they've tried to off themselves together a ton already. Making a game out of it a couple hundred or so years ago but now the idea was boring. Theyve tried everything. Explosions, jumping off cliffs, hell, wade handcuffed himself to Logan and shoved him off a boat in the middle of the ocean. Logan almost died but Wade was tired of coming back to life only to drown again 3 times and decided fuck it then dragged logan out before he could actually die because "Ill be damned if your ass gets to leave me! You said eternity mother fucker!" While Logan threw up sea water. "You cant be mad at me because YOU cant die!? This was your idea! I hate drowning! If I wanted too I would have done it years ago!"

And then wade cried because the realization that Logan was only staying here FOR HIM made him extremely emotional. It makes him feel selfish. But "For eternity motherfucker" has been their thing for so long, and a promise is a promise.

So now, here Wade is, his eyes completely glazed over (he has no clue how he can see, he literally is blind but somehow he's not.) Crow feet on the sides of them that Logan absolutly adores when ever he can get Wade to laugh (because god knows they could be 5000 and they will still make each other laugh)

Also- The honeymoon phase never ended. And the fact that down there stopped working about 500 years ago does not stop Wade from slapping his ass- Only to immediately apologize because of how hurt his joints are, knees, ankles, toes, fingers, elbows, wrists, knuckles, hips, you name it- it hurts. Sometimes if Wade is feeling down about how he looks, Logan will whisper something really dirty to him in which Wade will giggle and look at him fondly. "You know damn well you can't do that anymore but im more then willing to try~"

The whole "Wade can't have a sexless relationship" thing was proven false about 300 years ago and while hes frustrated as fuck about it, he's kind of glad. (Though he had an entire crisis when he realized that logan didnt infact stay with him for almost 700 years becuse of his uber good dick skills but rather his personality-)

Theyve been through almost everything together. Even brief apocalypses. Saved the universe more then they could remember, had multiple life times worth of good memories to fondly talk about on rainy days, and have prived time and time again to one another that the other wasn't leaving them. No matter what.

Between the countless fights and arguments, now Logan shouted from his chair "Wade?" After each nap just to be sure he was still alive and here with him, honestly a little more scared of wade leaving him so he wouldn'thave to face the heart break then wade was of logan dying. (That's a ton)

"What?" He'd call back, not wanting to spook him because if too upset Logan will infact stand and force himself to walk. Hell- sometimes wade catches him "walking" puppins by wandering outside with her. Puppins by now is like a 'I went to the backyard and now im tired' kind of older dog, her tail wagging so hard some days that it breaks only to heal itself. Shes been killed by several things. Traffic, coyotes, chocolate, etc but always pops back up. (Tell you what, Wade panicking and hollering for Puppins at midnight after a coyote snatched her, watching her get attacked and taken only for her to come back in one piece, happy go lucky, was something that haunted Logan to this day).

Most nights, they're in bed by 6 pm, and by that I mean they lay there and cuddle for hours until finally their bones joints and muscles stop hurting enough for them to fall asleep.

A thought I would like you to sit on and think about:

When they get old, Poolverine, I mean, and logans easily about 1206 while wades like 1047. Wade obviously doesn't need tonworry about grey hairs and adores logans white hairs, but how would Wade look? Would he get wrinkles? Would he look only 60ish, look much younger than logan since he's almost 50 and looks barely 26? Is he skinner? Just how badly has his body aged? Disregarding comic lore- I wanna know your opinion. Would Logan struggle to walk around? Will the tables turn and he is now part time in a wheel chair? Whats their day like? Cabin in the woods is nice but that requires hunting and long trips to the store. Is puppins old too? Since she's a deadpool shes technically "immortal" too dont you think? How many times a week do they just sit infront of the fire at night, talking about their youth and stories? ... how many funerals have they attended? Do they even bother making friends anymore? Do you think that theyve learned to isolate themsleves from the world and become so codependent that they do absolutely everything together? Do you think in this older state that it takes them longer to heal? Can logan even use his claws anymore or does he soley rely on guns now?

Okay....I have so many thoughts. So many.

So firstly, discussing the way they age. I assume that Wade, because of how his regeneration works, stays the same age. His body always regenerates to that same state- the same age and condition- his body was in when he mutated, which is partly why the cancer is still eating away at his body. I don't think he really will ever age. Maybe his scars change a little over the years, getting rougher and redder as he ages.

I think he does get skinnier- less muscley- purely from them eventually putting up their suits for good and settling in to a more domestic life. I don't think he can put on weight because of the cancer, and I think the chronic pain gets worse too. He has more bad days where he can't really do much but lay in a warm bathtub and wait for the heat to fix his aching muscles.

If he does age though? If his body finally gives in and let's him get older? He is probably a mess, both physically and mentally. Wade feels bittersweet about gaining wrinkles and his hearing worsening. On one hand, he's glad that the world has allowed him the luxury, on the other? He hates that he lookes even worse than he did before. The scars start to turn brighter shades of red, the skin wrinkling and sagging in places, and it makes him even more insecure of how he looks.

Either way, his healing gets a little slower and he can feel the cancer trying to fight it's way in.

Mary Puppins is much the same. She doesn't really get older, just gets tired a little easier, and shakes if it gets too cold.

Logan? Logan ages SLOWLY. Very slowly. Eventually, though, he's getting aches and pains like everyone else, accompanied by wrinkles and joint pain. The claws stop working at some point. They refuse to cooperate with him, and eventually, he gives up. The constant ache of them sat idle causes his hands to shake slightly, and it's something he doesn't really like talking about. The one thing he was good at, and now? Now they don't even work.

I think Logan would panic a little at the idea of ageing- used to practically being the same for so long- but he would accept it pretty quickly. He would be kinda glad at the idea of finally getting older, finally being able to do something 'normal', even if it means he isn't as fast or agile anymore. They aren't sure if it's the poison from the adamantium or not, but his breathing gets a little weaker too. His healing slows down too, and it takes alot longer to heal from the tiniest cut- which he assumes is because his healing factor is trying to deal with the whole aging thing.

Wade would be the one having a full on meltdown. After so long, he finally had someone who 'matched his freak'- someone who truly understood his pain and trauma, someone who wouldn't die on him- and now, here he was, staring at the first sign of a grey hair on Logan's head. It reminds him that one day, he really will be alone, no matter what. Logan isn't going to be around forever, but Wade will.

Once Wade isn't panicking about Logan getting old, and once they realise that Logan is going to continue to deteriorate, they move to a little one floor house just outside of the city. There are no stairs, which helps Logan's aching hips, and the walk in shower (you know what I mean) is ready for when neither of them can get in and out of the tub anymore. They make sure Mary has a nice comfortable bed next to the fireplace, and Logan gets a big enough couch that him and Wade can fall asleep comfortably if they need too.

They don't really talk to anyone after all these years. After watching everyone they love pass away, they don't feel the need to make friends anymore. Logan and Wade both can't deal with the idea of watching someone they love waste away again- not now that they are both ageing themselves.

All they care about now is eachother- and Mary Puppins- and they take care of eachother as best as they can. Logan makes Wade heat packs and helps him clean up whe he vomits, Wade helps Logan move about when he isn't in a wheelchair and massages the aching muscles in between his knuckles.

It's tough, but they manage. They survive by keeping the other alive, and even though they know it'll end badly- either Logan is going to die and leave Wade, or they are both going to die together- it never stops their need to keep eachother safe.

Logan has to watch Wade as the cancer slowly starts to fight back and win, while Wade has to watch Logan age and the possibility of the poison taking over.

(Not the most coherent post, but I had so many random thoughts about it that I wanted to put in here lol, so here it is. Also GREAT QUESTION??? LIKE YES?? GIMME OLD MAN LOGAN AND OLD WADE HAVING TO LOOK AFTER EACHOTHER??)

[tunapesto]

meta/dump about how much i love deltarune and its friendships just cause why the hell not. copy pasted from discord with some fixes in grammar/formatting but eng is still not my first language so be wary. i wanted to post it here because i think it sums up a lot of my thoughts :)

you know ive had a realization recently due to personal events etc etc and like. i keep thinking about "you can't choose who you are in this world" and how much it connects to the theme of being a teen... that whole vessel thing.

I know I know it's supposed to be an intro to how the player is involved in the story but it reminds me so much of being a teen and trying to change yourself and imagining who you are ideally, but you're still you.

You can't choose who you are, you're just you.

the main cast is a bunch of teens with a bunch of issues regarding family or lack thereof, some unhealthy coping mechanisms and how you act around people that happen When You're A Teen

susie being seen as scary and mean, when she’s everything but that, decides to just accept what people think. act tough so they cant do shit to her. she's scared of being hurt and being vulnerable so she makes sure not to show that.

ralsei has been under pressure to live up to the prophecy best he can all his life, and given that he’s been all alone all his life, he just doesn’t want them to be disappointed. hes so scared of deviating from being the "good person of the group" that any act of selfishness or being rude is practically a foreign thought for him. he even has to learn how to be comfortable with these things.

kris tries to be edgy and all that sometimes bc they like joking around but really they're very meek and soft inside. They're a bit introverted but once you get to know them, they're a solid friend and they aren't afraid to stand up for you and they don't want to step over people's boundaries because that's their friend.

We don't have much info on how kris feels over their parents' divorce but it's probably not good. asriel going away, them probably being a bit distant with noelle ever since dess, and the awkward relationship they have with both parents because the toriel just refuses to be in the same room as asgore anymore. they probably feel like after that divorce, and how everyone got a bit more busy, they don't feel like their own family knows them very well. except for asriel at least but hes still really busy.

And then there's Noelle. the holiday family has all sorts of vague fucked up shit but the most interesting thing to me is dess. she was her guardian, her best friend practically, she defended noelle and looked out for her and even though they all went out in the woods being scared shitless, noelle would still be comforted by her big sis who was there for her. and now she isn't. that sudden loss flipped the balance in the family and, you'd understand, a missing child would not do any good for any of the family members. noelle finds comfort in scary things like a memorium of dess and how she felt about her. she finds them nostalgic, and even sweet, as long as there is someone there. it even plays to how she interacts with people.

ever since dess' loss, carol (noelle’s mom) probably worked her ass off to find her, and after a few years of trying to find her missing daughter, then giving up, deciding to just bury herself in work to forget. there was a lot of things that needed to be done about the town anyway. rudy, like the story, lead the pack of reindeers in the night with a brightly lit red nose. he was the light of the family. kept some of the balance with lighthearted humor, banter and all stuff dad-like. but then he got sick. and then it was noelle and her mom all alone. all that stress probably sucked a lot of emotion from carol to actually properly look out for her child in a caring way and how she's always so busy.. and then noelle is alone again. sometimes she stays over at catti's, shes a close friend, and over the years theyve probably considered her as part of their family.

so all these teens, going through all these problems, they meet each other. they interact, they grow, they become friends. my point is that deltarune as a story has friendship and coming of age as one of its cores and its so beautiful. the cast learns how to make friends, to be vulnerable with one another, to let their guards down and just hang out. they have their first crushes, they find out a few things about themselves, and sort out some of their own issues too.

obviously deltarune isn't finished so this can all be thrown in the gutter and I don't want to be sappy but i truly truly appreciate deltarune as a game and as a story, it's just so personal to me over the past few months and it's so fun to analyze all these characters and explore their pasts and relationships, and how much I relate to them.

like.... take the fun gang, for example. including lancer here. they all learn or gain something from each other in a sense, y'know? They're a nice group of friends. susie and lancer are just having fun being themselves, and lancer learns how to stand up for his friends. he wants to help them so he attacks his own dad, which he himself wanted to protect, and then gathers all citizens of the town so he can help them. susie decides not to fight because she doesnt want to hurt her friend because she cares. then she puts her full trust in kris to do the right thing. she does not fight until the king prompted them to.

susie and kris. they start off as cold as can be, but it seems like kris wanted to be friends with susie at some point before dr took place or at least just didn't think of her as a bad person. and then, at the king fight, where the king tricks them all and hurts them badly. the soul has no control in this cutscene. and yet, despite being hurt, they defend susie. They stood up and shielded her from the attack. when the king takes kris to finish them off, susie pays the favor in turn and calls them her friend. that cutscene was just fucking glorious man.

and then we have susie and ralsei. again, they start off on different ends but at the fight... susie remembers ralsei's pacify spell. and of course she did. in dr chapter 2, where their friendship really shines, susie thinks ralsei is really fucking cool. aka his healing spell. And she took the opportunity to hang out with ralsei on her own and asked about how healing spells worked and they ate cotton candy together!!! ...  susie teaches ralsei how to banter. how sarcasm works and all that. ralsei's sarcasm isnt exactly very top tier or comedic, but it's genuine, and thats what ralsei is. ultimateheal isnt the most 'helpful' at this moment in time but as chapters keep going and their bond grows stronger, that spell probably grows stronger too, because that was how she learned that spell in the first place. And of course why the hell would susie pass on the opportunity to improve this spell. She's Susie, after all!

im mainly talking about susie's friendships here btw bcoz to me she's the very heart of the group. she's a very wonderful and multifaceted character with many traits and how she joshes with other characters it just.. meshes so well. she's very likeable and fun. she's the powerhouse, the comedic relief sometimes, and when needed, she can be very mature and caring. she's the core of all these friendships and its very sweet. I wish I could talk about other relationships here but like my brain juice is gone. also some friendships like kris n ralsei, ralsei n lancer, aren't particularly very fleshed out yet. noelle and kris, i think, deserve their own essay. noelle and ralsei haven't interacted much lol. i really do look forward to the upcoming chapters of this game bc i adore it with all my heart.

[ironwoodprotectionsquad]

one thing that kills me is just... imagining a scene where Ruby and Weiss go to the prison to get Jacques (because Winter specifically said Weiss didn't want to leave Jacques to die in the fall?? iirc??) and like. Ironwood is specifically ignoring it because he thinks they Are leaving Him to die, but then Ruby enters his cell and offers her hand to him??

like yeah that wouldn't retroactively change everything leading up to it, but i think it'd be such a strong moment to show one of our heroes reaching out and being a kind person

because also theyve known ironwood for years and he's only been their "enemy" for two days and the idea they would have just let him die is just So Fucked Up

idk this is just something bouncing around in my head

It kills me that James gets no reassurances as to what is happening or that he won't be left to die. I mean not even the audience is certain if he would be evacuated or not which is....not great. The audience knowing something James did not could at least be some dramatic irony but we don't even get that. Winter is pretty specific that Jacques is the only one who would have been evacuated leaving the impression that James was going to be left behind to die which is really not a good look for the mains. They are supposed to be the ones to unite all of Remnant, leaving a man suffering severely from PTSD to die leaves a bad taste in my mouth, especially when they're (sort of) shown themselves to be willing to try and save people who have done some horrible things. Though I personally would not want Winter as the new leader of Atlas as the show seems to hint she will be because she made it clear she would leave him to die and I would not want a ruler who just lets people they don't like fucking die. As a ruler you don't get to be picky about who is saved and protected, but Winter would have left Jacques to die if not for Weiss and did leave James to die and did nothing to try and reason with him. She immediately went for the fight option and just left him their.

But back to your idea, holy shit that would have been pretty amazing honestly. Have Ruby set aside her negative feelings towards him, have her really focus on what he was feeling and how Salem broke him and have her show him compassion and kindness. Have him wonder why she isn't just leaving him to die and her say she said she was going to save everyone and that includes him.

Most of volume 8 still would have been a trainwreck but that scene would have done wonders towards actually making Ruby likeable again which is a huge issue with the volume.

To really made it good, have Ruby admit and apologize for her mistakes which opens James up and he admits to his failures and mistakes, have them both realize this is what Salem wanted and they both let it happen and failed. Have them work together to move forward and repair the damage done. Just something because currently James was turned into a villain through extremely ableist story lines and Ruby is a selfish brat.

[ethotv-archived]

Would love to hear about the playlist

i love you. im going to put this under a cut bc it will get VERY LONG so. here it is. ultimate ethubs playlist autism (and heres a link to the playlist if you want to listen to it :3)

fair warning a lot of these songs are. love songs. which leads to a more romantic leaning interpretation but you can ignore those parts if you want, i didnt make this playlist with a platonic OR romantic version in mind i just picked songs

OBVIOUS BLASÉ: yeah this song is in the playlist twice FOR GOOD REASON. its the life series etho song of all time you will never find another one like it (it even fits dl but i wont mention that here. sorry). its first in the playlist bc its about ethos feelings on 3rd life because the entire song is about fire and literally playing with matches. i wont go on a 3l etho rant but yeah its very important. the playlist title comes from it! im not gonna bring up specific lyrics here bc they have more impact LATER in the playlist

THE LIGHTHOUSE: bringing back the fire lyrics YAYYYY ^_^ i think this might be the least connected song in the entire playlist but i had to include it bc i love it. just read the lyrics here i dont have a lot to say on them but i really needed to put a song in before bdubs turns red so this one is about them not knowing if this alliance will work out but going for it anyway <3

PARADISE LOST: oh my god ethubs song soooo so so mcuh i have to go through this with specific lyrics because i have to go indepth. this one is right after bdubs goes red for reference

obvious connections here - theyve knwon each other for so long they end up teaming and running in circles around eachother they cant stay away. also "yellow fades to blue" is a reference to a different song but to me if you replace blue with red its about them having the same dynamic as always until bdubs going red messes with it

do i have to. explain this. "cant bring myself to cut ties i know you better than anyone" i cant say anything more. themcore. they cant escape eachother no matter what and they DONT WANT TO

ok almost done with this song but THIS is about how etho is the boogeyman when bdubs goes red. also "will i survive its so hard to tell" screams and cries forever. etho keeping bdubs in the snow fort was "selfish" int hat he SHOULD kick bdubs out but he desperately doesnt want to but also it helps protect him from reds AND gave him a way to get a boogey kill

CLEAN CUT HEALS: im sorry for putting so many songs from one album in a row like this it just. worked out so well? another song about the snowfort split yeah yeah im predictable

they both KNOW they need to split but they dont want to even if it hurts more like this. i dont really have much more for this song EXCEPT the bridge. because while this song is etho pov the BRUDGE.

^ bdubs pov. right in the middle. im too reckless baby..... not much to say. but i had to bring it up so everyone knows

WITH ME TONIGHT: BDUBS SONG. BDUBS SONG. hes trying to win etho over to the red side hes wants it so badly but it isnt working. ignore the parts about it being unrequited it IS ok it is but not every song is perfect. i think it could be taken as bdubs exaggerating to make etho feel bad though

i wish they had killed eachother at least once so i could make this fit even more but.. well im glad they didnt also. + foreshadowing in that last line about how wanting to be with etho will kill him. i would just put screenshots of more lyrics here too but i dont want to reach image cap by adding things just to look at. listen to the song

EMPTY WITH YOU: [dies][dies][dies]

bdubs song begging etho to go red with him. hes bargaining so much by appealing to how much fun they can have as long as theyre TOGETHER. they could take down the whole server! soooo them so so so them. have cried listening to this one

COME UNDONE: "skeppy this is the third song about bdubs wanting etho to go red" ok and. they fit. theyre good. this one ESPECIALLY because it has ties to 3rd life (on yellow, i couldnt do anything. but now thats im red- im a weapon). also connects to etho being boogey

he wnats etho to go red but hes constantly turned down despite being able to TELL etho wants it too. also fire motifs. endless fire motifs. youll be seeing a lot of songs from this album bc its the most redlife bdubs album ever written

GREENER WITH THE SCENERY: cycles and loops and endlessly going through the same situations without seeing an end.... this song is etho after bdubs goes red for the 3rd time.

etho is frustrated that no matter how hard he tries to get bdubs back on yellow he isnt able to stop him going red again and again but he knows he'll keep trying. also do you know how much i would kill for an ethubs lifeswap that couldve made this so much more impactful but WHATEVER. its still good

BLOODY NOSE: bdubs is back!!! we've reached the river confrontation and life exchange deal.. yeah theres a lot of songs about this too because i feel a lot about it. bdubs knows he isnt going to survive this mission but he also knows its his only chance and he cant back out now because he will NEVER get etho down to red with him, even if he'd prefer being red together than yellow

he LIKES being red and how it feels to have that, even if hes going to die. also the dancing reference to fuel my personal insanity that i might go into some other day. + this song has "even on my worst nights i never stop the sunrise" which i take as a little nod to his sleep thing on hc

MEN ARE ALL THE SAME: oh my god. oh my god. bdubs after coming to terms with the fact he'll die here is bitter towards etho but also doesnt want him to be mad that he couldnt make it back. im going in depth on the lyrics here bc i REALLY LIKE THIS SONG AS A BDUBS ONE

obviously we start with the 3rd life reference because who am i if not a 3l etho insanitybot. hes reminiscing on their weird relationship in 3l and their weird fighting but not fighting thing they had. hes asking etho not to question why he likes being red so much and why he couldnt stay yellow for him and THEN the ultimate hit of the last 4 lines - if you love it then let it go (let bdubs prove himself and win a life back) but he knows etho likely wont be able to find out the full circumstances behind his death. (also a meta reference to how bdubs footage got corrupted. lol). but dont blame him for not being good enough... this song is so much. so much. hes bitter but hes scared and hes resigned

bdubs knows etho isnt going to win this on his own despite being known for his isolation. its easier to leave on a suicide mission than to continue trying to win etho over knowing itll never work

sorry i said some of the songs are explicitly romantic but you can take it figuratively - he never gets to say a true goodbye, forced to pretend he'll come back (isnt it a trope that people who leave on dangerous journeys wont say goodbye because "theyre coming back"? yeah. that)

TAKE IT AWAY: etho doesnt want bdubs to die he DOESNT. he wants to get him back no matter what but he isnt willingly to risk his own safety for it, because he hasnt fully processed that if he doesnt help bdubs hes out forever (i thought we would be together and everything would be ok again). FIRE MOTIFS ARE BACK!

i dont have coherent thoughts on this. take my hand take my life.. also unrelated but even the little intro sample thing fits because to me its etho questioning what he'll do without bdubs

MEANT TO DIE: [bursts into tears] bdubs... song..........

hes dead and hes out forever and he DIDNT WANT THIS he knew he was going off to die but he still tried his best his last words were crying out to etho. yes he made bad decisions as a red and bit off more than he could chew but he TRIED.

OBVIOUS BLASÉ (AGAIN): so. how do you feel now.

it is so hard for me to put how i feel about this song into words. while after 3l its his regret at not winnign and all that hes lost by this point it has entirely new meaning. "ghost, tell me that youll stay" is AGONISING bc bdubs DOES stay as a ghost, the only person in the series to do that. etho knows bdubs would prefer him with that bloodlust. and he knows its HIS FAULT that bdubs is dead, for not just giving him the life right there

they both knew it couldnt end well and they did it anyway. while in 3l etho was LITERALLY playing with fire and got burned in turn, this time merely pairing with bdubs was enough to doom him since they would never stay together forever and now he has to try get over that while still winning. bittersweet... (i didnt win it for you but you didnt win it for me either). yeah take this song away from me

ALL THAT IVE GOT: just. just. look at this. please ignore the gay sex implications the song isnt even about gay sex

i dont. i dont know what to add here really. etho struggling after bdubs dies and not knwoing what to do without him.. he forgets bdubs isnt with him and he just. doesnt know how to cope. this song is a lot but i cant even articulate it just LOOK AT IT. oh my god. its all that he can do

WATERED DOWN: we made it. finally. this took so much of my time. i actually dont have a lot of specific lyrics for this one because its just. more vibes than anything? just finishing off the playlist with more etho not knwoing how to live in ll without bdubs and then. like dying i guess. at this point im very tired listen to the playlist. how are you this far without listening to it please do

[wickedpact]

Wildly unpopular opinion time: i love Nile, I do.

But narratively it made the least sense for her to kill Merrick. She literally only has one scene with him and that’s the scene where she kills him. Imo it was badass but it felt empty, lacking of any real emotional pull. She only kills him because she’s the main character if we’re being honest. Otherwise it makes zero sense. It would have felt more rewarding if Joe or Nicky had killed him as they’ve had the most scenes with him out of all the OG crew. It would have even been more rewarding if it had been Booker, redeeming himself. But honestly Nile, who virtually has no real idea who Merrick is, killing him, the big bad? Felt like a I’m The Main Character So This Is Why It’s Happening And No Other Reason moment. Sorry??

i get what youre saying but.. idk i like that nile kills merrick. or to be specific, i like that nile&andy kill merrick. bc the movie is all about nile and andy’s relationship, theyre the two heroic leads, and merrick is the one villain lead. it makes sense that the Big Bad would get killed by the Big Good (ie. nile and andy) rather than one of the borderline-side characters (as much as i do love joe and nicky and booker) (also the idea of booker killing merrick to redeem himself is fascinating)

idk its like... merrick is both reminiscent of & the exact opposite of what the old guard stands for. merrick is, essentially, a man who does bad things for a good outcome. he kidnaps and tortures the squad for cancer research. but the thing is abt him is... hes not doing it for good reasons. hes doing it for money. greg talks a little in the podcasts about how good should be done for the purpose of Doing Good, not for moral desserts.

meanwhile the immortal squad is both That and the exact opposite. they do bad things (murder) for a good outcome(to save people) and the thing is abt merrick vs. the squad is that merrick gets rewarded for doing that (money) and the squad doesnt. they dont even get the reward of knowing for certain that theyve done a good thing, they just have to kind of believe. they get literally no reward for it. killing merrick is a bit like rejecting the idea of doing ‘good’ for selfish reasons

so it makes sense to me in that regard that nile and andy kill merrick. especially considering how they do it -- with an inside joke/reference (do you think he speaks russian), which the squad passes around throughout the whole movie (bedhead/malta, sao paulo 34, etc). its like a shorthand to show how close they all are, that they can communicate so easily that they rarely have to say exactly what theyre thinking. nile being involved in one of those jokes for the first time shows how shes beginning to actually be a part of the group, and nile killing the guy who stands for the opposite of what the old guard does also accomplishes a similar purpose

& like you said it is kind of ‘I’m The Main Character So This Is Why It’s Happening‘ but it would feel kind of weird if nile, the protagonist, wasnt involved in the killing of the main villain. if joe or nicky had done it, itd make sense in that they have the most beef with merrick, and it would kind of be a ‘GET HIS ASS’ moment, but it would kind of derail the story too. is this narrative about nile growing into her immortality or is it about Joe And Nicky’s Torture Vacation? if it were the latter, joe and nicky killing merrick would make sense, but its not. joe and nicky are there to be the Sexy Kidnapped Lamp and to add thematic and narrative flavor. they arent the focus of the story, nile is