#theyre like 5 minute sketches but i like how they look

[sometimesanequine]

why is it when i take a week off i suddenly draw massive amounts of horses huh????

[sumbreon]

just going over this whole past year, you know how it is

self harm and family death below so that gives you an idea of how its gone i guess

so january started on a nice high, i felt better than i had in a long time and then one week into january it took a complete nosedive to the lowest id felt in years. like i went from starting to talk and managing to push myself to do some stuff i wanted to/would be good for me to wanting to self harm for the first time in seven years. i was sat at work completely dissociated and got jolted out of it by an extremely vivid image of blood pouring out of my arm.

it was a double edged sword because it pushed me to finally reduce my hours at work which i really needed but like it meant i was doing real bad which really fucking sucked with how id been doing the past month. it was agreed with my boss that id start my reduced hours in april so we wouldnt have to mess around with annual leave calculation bullshit and just knowing it was coming helped but i was definitely pretty out of it for those months.

march rolls around, i have a week and a half booked off. im gonna decide on some things i want to do with my extra time after i recover mentally and then my grandmother is in hospital with some dark spot on her bladder and the care home she was in cant look after her anymore and she may have contracted covid in the hospital but its fine she didnt then michael tells me theres gonna be a band 4 coming up in pathology IT but i cant process that right now but its there in the back of my mind constantly then she gets bounced around a few care homes then shes back in hospital then it settles and shes in a care home 5 minutes away from our house but i still havent seen her in like a year and a half at this point and im wracked with guilt because what do i remember about her really? not much it feels like, i worry if shed even recognise me, what would i even say to her? but it doesnt matter because visitors are still limited and id rather my mum and aunties see her cause theyd get more out of it

then its april and my mum just snaps under her own job, i have this extra time at home but i gotta walk on eggshells cause march happened and now this and i have no idea how shes doing mentally because this family is so emotionally repressed so i just hide in my room, basically feeling kinda catatonic and just straight up lying at work like 'yeah its great!'

then may comes around and i do actually start to recover. the band 4 jobs still in the background of my mind but nothing mores been said about it but i cant not think about it. the time goes by so much faster than you think it would but i start drawing again. small canvas size just sketches nothing fancy at all just a minimum something once a week no pressure its okay

june is much the same, the plan had been recover mentally then start applying for jobs elsewhere but then the band 4 was there looming so the plan became wait and see what comes of that, i dont manage to get back to where i was at this time last year but i do my best to not hold it against myself, im getting better thats what matters

july. the band 4 goes up its all thats in my brain. i want to recind my application so i can stop worrying about it. i get the job its full time and day time hours as opposed to the 12-8 ive been doing for years but its too good an opportunity for me to pass up. its means i can get on paper IT experience

august comes around and im due to start my new job on the 8th. its the 7th i go downstairs see my mum and ask her how its going. my grandmother is dead. i start my new job and i say nothing about that, its a struggle though i dont show it im shown a few things but theyre done quickly and easy to stay on top of, i only know one person in this room, my desk is the first one you see when you come into the room so im on edge every time the door opens, i dont want to be doing this right now but sitting at home wont do me any good either so i bear it silently, the funeral is the 26th, i only mention this to my new boss because i need the day off, theres a moment of pity that i cant really deal with. i hate being pitied i know people mean well by it but it makes me bristle. its the 26th my mum starts crying as we get to the crematorium shes gripping my hand tightly and i wont let her go either, i sit there and feel the guilt about not remembering but then my great uncle starts to read her eulogy and its like 'oh. there you are. i do remember you. i remember so much of you' and then im crying too

september and october i mostly just continue to adjust to how things are, this new normal, the new job is good, my new boss is kind, i want to cry

november, the birthday month, the start of self reflection. what do i want out of life, how can i get it, who do i want to be. i never really know, i remind myself that this year has been a struggle and i do my best to be kind to myself, its birthday week and ive kept up the weekly sketching for 6 months now, i only missed one week and i dont feel bad about it. a band 5 has gone up in pathology IT, explicitly for me

its december and its come around so fucking fast, its over already. i get the band 5 we have a nice christmas. i survive. this year had such extreme highs and lows and i honestly have no idea how to like rank this year

i have come to the unfortunate conclusion that working in pathology IT will be temporary, my boss is set to retire july this year, working full time takes too much out of me so i dont have the energy to do things that i want, i miss my hours of 12-8. the plan was always stick it out for a year and see where im at but the hope was that id stay. maybe im not done adjusting but thats for the eden of june to decide.

thank you for reading i love you i hope things go well for you be kind to yourself - eden :] <3

[thepringlesofblood]

Flinging My Murderbot Opinions Into The Feed: Vol. 3

i wanted to both read and listen to exit strategy before making my book-ly Opinions Post, so here we go

1. I am once again calling out Kevin R Free, a very talented voice actor, for somehow pronouncing “hologram” correctly (HALL-uh-gram) but when reading the concatenated version of the same word, “holo”, pronouncing it completely differently (HOLE-oh).

Sir, your voice acting is choice, and I deeply admire you as an artist, but what the hell???

mb uses “holo” and “hologram” interchangeably so like Kevin R. Free clearly knows that “holo” refers to a “hologram”

it’s like that “malk” sketch from a bajillion years ago where the guy can say “milkshake” but then says “milk” “malk”

2. Pin Lee is everything. the light of my life. the moon and the stars. the mozzarella on my pizza. I love her so much.

her angrily coming into mb’s room like ‘ugh we broke the law to make you some safe anonymous IDs in case you wanna ghost like you did last time, do you fuckin get that we’re serious now?’

fuck me “this isn’t a deadly weapon. this is a person. an angry person.” got me dying on the ground, she is so sharp and so loving at the same time, fuck.

I saw this somewhere else once but someone was like “it’s great seeing Pin Lee pull the ‘you’re my client’ card on murderbot bc that’s usually the card that it plays” and they were RIGHT

I love that mb felt like a little more comfortable coming up to her for the first time instead of mensah or ratthi or anything bc it was like ‘look, out of everyone, I know I can cut through the bullshit with you’ and was just like ‘hello. its me.’ out of nowhere

3. I knew it was coming but “I wasn’t afraid that she wasn’t my friend. I was afraid that she was, and what that did to me” knocked me the FUCK out. so many interactions in this book had me on my fainting couch, a HUG?????? one-hit KO’d me. “first aid” my ass murderbot you liked it and your lil touchstarved ass is getting so much love and respect from now on

4. the apologies.on both sides. its so rare that we see both people admit theyre wrong and maybe while mb doesn’t do it quite so literally its hammered home again and again that they CARE for it, goddammit.

5. mensah.she. she watched sanctuary moon. to try and understand. that whole conversation was so perfect and raw and open and I love it so much. I didn’t realize how much I missed having mensah as a character until she was back. the revelation that after all this time, mb likes sanctuary moon so much because it was the first thing it had access to? that it “kept it company without having to interact’? I cried.

6. it’s the recovery from trauma, your honor. reading mb slowly regaining memory and relearning trust in a safe environment? thank you ms. wells for my life.

7. mb characterizing bot pilots and “lower” intelligence AI as childish instead of inferior is just. fascinating. it does the same thing we do with opportunity and space rovers where we make a little personality up of all its operational functions except obvs the bot pilots are more advanced and aware n shit, but when it was like “bye ship, you were there when it counted” and characterized as beeping sadly at mb going out the “wrong door”???? amazing.

8. just. the metaphor. the metaphor of setting up security cameras so your secunit friend can literally feel more secure and giving it more access and agency in its own environment so it doesn’t have to make eye contact and can operate on its own terms i’m having an emotion too, murderbot

9. the Gang getting to see what mb is like just completely unfiltered is amazing. i mean obvs it’s not great that it took severe memory damage to do that but “I don’t like you” “I’ll mark your cognition at 55%” “fuck you” “60%” was one of my alltime favorite moments. plus, casual interactions b/w PresAux and murderbot, when they’re not in immediate all-consuming danger? its more likely than you think.

10. mb talking to mensah’s kid is WILD. I know it was only a few minutes but their conversation was fantastic. “is being a secunit weird?” “yes.” *doesn’t elaborate* 10/10

11. the offer of freedom to the combat secunit. i just. it hit different. I realized that at the end of each book mb has an interaction with another bot that lifts the curtain just a little bit on how exactly bots relate to each other and what crossing those social boundaries entails, and what those social boundaries can even be, given the vast diversity and scatteredness and lack of agency of bots.

In ASR it was when the other SecUnits at Port Free Commerce didn’t talk to mb after it came out of stasis aka the ‘i know i said we werent friends but usually yall at least let me know whats going on?’ 

you could also argue it was when mb had to kill the DeltFall secunit that had the combat override module installed.

in AC it was the comfortunit (ART is a whole other ballgame)

in RP it was Miki

in exit strategy it was the combat secunit. 

just. I love wells’ determination to not have things go exactly right, you know? it’s gonna be more complicated than mb just offering to hack the other bot’s governor module and them automatically saying yes! it’s going to be more complicated than ‘all secunits are 100% good virtuous people trapped in a bad system’

12. mensah’s whole rescue scene was so tense, it reminded me of the mensah-snatching at the end of asr, right down to the parallel of jumping out of the train vs jumping off the cliff, but it was so much more intense. i 100% share mb’s satisfaction and relief with having a client/character who can just roll with the punches and do all the right things in a horror movie. she is amazing and mb and her just have drift compatibility, ive never seen pacific rim but i loosely know what that means

13. mb’s motivations are fascinating to me in this one. the obsession with ‘winning’, the intense competitiveness, the complete disregard for not only its general safety (we knew that one going in), but its whole life, as long as its death constitutes ‘winning’. fucking wild.

14. murderbot: when humans I didn’t know came by, I holed up in my room so I didn’t have to talk to them

me: oh no it’s me

15. this feels like a finale. Like idk much about the publication order of these, but it definitely feels like the 1st four books were intended to be A Chunk, a full arc, with this as the last one. I can’t FUCKIN wait to read network effect.

have a meme as compensation for the long-ass post

[bmpmp3]

Do you have any tips for drawing bodies from multiple angles?

WROTE A LOT SORRY its under a cut!

honestly i dont have the most practice with it since a good 70% of what i draw is characters wait up standing looking 3/4s left or right orz BUT some things that helped with the few interesting poses i draw once every fiscal quarter IS.....life drawing orz

specifically life drawing sessions where you do a bunch of quick gestural figures (like a 60 second timer each pose) at the beginning and then slowly increase the time for later poses, like 2 minutes, then five, where you slowly increase the amount of detail and rendering each pose, and then one or two long 10 minute ones where you go all out. i think that kinda structure helps a lot to 1) warm you up and get loosey goosey with ur lines and 2) get in the zone to think about how bodies work without overwhelming urself - like in the 1 minute sketches you could basically only get a weird stick figure, in the 2 minute ones maybe you might get a little more definition in the sillhouette, at the 5 minute poses you got some folds of the flesh implied with a few lines and a bit of hatching, and by the 10 minute ones ur really thinking about how the different parts of the body all interact because you already did some practice (the previous poses) if that makes sense?

ALAS we are in a world situation where cramming 40 people in a room to silently draw one naked person for three hours is not......happening (at least not where i live) so for the past couple years ive had to make do with online resources, which arent half bad! theyre not quite the same, for me at least (i think in person i can see more interesting angles) but they do the job! here's some I've used:

http://reference.sketchdaily.net/en

https://line-of-action.com/practice-tools/figure-drawing

https://quickposes.com/en

https://youtu.be/mNNSwITdPIM (linking this channels clothed references so no one gets a surprise titty in the face but normally i personally use nude references) (although recently ive been using some clothed references as well just because i realized im so out of practice drawing clothes hsjlkfBJKLFJSFKLD)

figure drawing and life drawing and especially gesture drawing is also something thats kinda tricky to learn if no one ever taught you (and honestly its tricky if someone DID teach you lol) so maybe someday i'll get around to trying to explain what ive learned myself if that could help someone

ive tried using 3d models but ive never foudn them that useful, probably for the same reason i prefer irl models to pictures (easier to see whats goin on) BUT sometimes it can help as a rough guideline if ur doing a weird angle youve never done before!!

SPEAKING of guidelines. guidelines are ur friend. guidelines r ur lifeblood. guidelines will always help even if u dont follow half of them they are SO helpful - I OFTEN find myself kinda skipping them, like you can see here in this drawing i havent erased the sketch from yet that i drew a circle and then a line for shoulders and gave up (probably impatient lol):

BUT guidelines can help so much~ when im drawing a full pose i'll usually have guidelines that really are no more than stick figures like basically like:

stick figures with dots for joints and maybe some rough lines here and there like it doesnt need to be nice or perfect since its just gonna get erased anyway~ it helps me keep track of how bones work hjfsdskjvfdfs

OH and artist mannequins.....like 3d models theyve also never done me any good like those wooden ones? I hate em theyre so stiff and i dunno what to do with them BUT.....okay...action figures? not bad....like maybe not so much with anatomy but if you have a doll or action figure with good articulation you can kinda use that to help out with funky poses sometimes!! like i have this one gundam and honestly....even though its a mecha with a giant mecha dong or whatevers going down there its like....not a horrible mannequin for poses jfksdlfjrfkehjklsd

WITH REGARDS TO foreshortening.......................................we are all on our own with that one orz LIKE i have tried every trick in the book, every funky tip and method and technique and none have worked for me so i just wing it jhkDmFJKDLS WELL actually having like a page of really sloppy loose stick figure sketches where you experiment with proportions helps a lot!! i do that with weird poses or angles, like dont worry about about how it looks HELL unfocus ur eyes. unfocus ur eyes. i do that all the time while drawing and its great it helps you see the big picture and the silhouette without focusing too much on one thing~

anyway yeah i dunno i guess a lot is just experimentation but hopefully some of these resources might be useful!!

[battinson4ever]

i was tagged by @tigerkingofkandahar ages ago but im finally getting around to it now !! ty charlie !!

how do you feel about rainy weather?

im pretty indifferent abt it i usually like it !! i think getting caught in the rain is fun for all abt 10 minutes n then it gets old real fast 8/

is there a character from a fandom that you’re not even in that you like?

(charlie this is a great question.) FINN FROM STAR WARS I THINK HIS BACKSTORY IS SO NEAT.... i am sad abt what they did to him but all the stuff ive read abt him and his origin in the first movie is just. augh i think its so cool 

what’s one tiny, mundane thing that makes you absurdly happy?

I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO SAY GOODBYE TO THEIR FRIENDS AND THEN SPEND ANOTHER 5 MINUTES JUST HOVERING ABOUT AND CHATTING BC THEYRE SO RELUCTANT TO SAY GOODBYE. I LOVE IT (another great question!!)

you find a spider. do you kill it, trap and release it outside, let it do its own thing, or never use that room ever again?

i try to trap and release but other times i just pretend like it simply does not Exist.

what is your dream url?

nightwing or like idk. suki dot tumblr dot com ig lkdjfvlkdjv

what shaped your sense of humor?

my friends, my dad, a lot of the content i consumed,,, funhaus,,, (another great question from charlie these r just Hits)

if you could live in any fictional world, what would it be and why?

i wanna live in narnia... it just seems so peaceful 

who was your childhood hero?

oh man...... idk if i had one? my cousin ig? my uncle?

what do you consider your most prized possession?

my script i wrote for a sketch that i got signed by 2 of my biggest creative heroes lol........

how would you describe your aesthetic?

idk like comfy,, friendly,, slightly indie,, Loud,, 

i’m tagging @bicodedvillain @mermaides @lrrytrainor @micooll @callmeredhood @lunarmarias and here r the questions i want to ask!! feel free 2 not do them but i just think u guys r Neat.

what’s a really niche subject you know a lot about?

if you could learn any five languages instantly, which ones would you pick?

what’s your all-time favourite memory?

what’s the best present you’ve ever received and why?

what’s your go-to comfort meal? 

who do you consider your biggest hero?

is there a character from a fandom you’re not in that you really like?

is there something coming up soon that you’re really looking forward to?

if you could domesticate and have any animal as a pet/equal which animal would you choose and why? 

what shaped your sense of humor? 

[plastic-portrait]

hey uuhhhh can i get a fic where sal's crush comes over to his house for a project and sal offers them to stay for dinner, then henry—assuming theyre dating, embarrasses the shit outta sal bc sal talks about them and stuff????

Sure! It was mid-afternoon on a Friday, and I was headed over to Sal’s house to work on our group report in history class. Sal had offered for me to stay for dinner, as our project was due on Monday and we were very behind, so of course, I accepted. The Addison Apartments were much older than I had expected, but I wasn’t here to judge, and anyways it seemed much better off than many buildings of this age. I found Sal’s apartment easily and knocked, and soon enough I could hear footsteps, followed by the door opening.

Sal’s father, Henry, smiled politely. He was much taller than I expected, but that might have been because his son was 5′2′’. They did both have blue hair, so now I knew where that came from.

“Hello, you must be y/n. It’s nice to finally meet you!” Henry seemed oddly cheerful, and I wasn’t sure what he meant by finally. I just brushed it off as a dad thing.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mr. Fisher” We shook hands. 

“Sal is in his room, just make sure you knock. He gets a little jumpy if you don’t announce your presence.” He chuckled to himself.“Will do.”

We went our separate ways, and I walked over to Sal’s door. I knocked but made sure it wasn’t too loud. He called for me to let myself in. I found him on the floor with everything from poster board to glitter glue scattered on the carpet. He sat with his legs crossed, hunched over a piece of paper, sketching out ideas.

“Hey y/n. Hope my dad didn’t bother you too much.” Sal patted an empty space across from him, where I sat,“He didn’t bother me at all,” I assured him. “He actually seems nice. Anyways, what’ve you got so far?” I peeked at his paper, which had a few things written in colored pencil. 

“I’m thinking about using the glitter to border the lettering, but I’m worried that the letters would be too big for the poster board with everything else going on it…” Sal seemed to be anxious, about the project or something else. His bright blue hair was sticking out in every direction under the straps of his mask.“Well, we have a few pieces of poster board here, so let’s try it on one of the extras first.”

“Okay.”

We worked on our project for about three hours, and we were both satisfied with how it was turning out. Henry had just finished dinner when we had decided to take a break, which worked out perfectly. The whole apartment smelled good.

The three of us sat around the coffee table, as there was no dining room. Henry was going on and on about how happy he was that Sal finally invited someone over, how many hobbies we had in common, and how I should come over more often. Sal was silent, but I could see that his ears were slowly turning pink with every minute. I was curious as to how Henry knew so much about me, but I didn’t want to call Sal out like that. I actually thought it was cute. “Well, next time you guys want to go on a date, let me know sooner and I can give you some money to get out of the house. I know how boring it can be cooped up in here all day, “ Henry smiled, completely unaware of the impact his words just had on the table.

I glanced over at Sal, who choked when his father spoke. His skin was pale, his eyes were wide open, and he refused to make eye contact with me. I had caught on to what was happening, and that Henry didn’t know that we weren’t a couple. I decided to cover for him for now, if only so that his father wouldn’t feel bad for assuming.“Yeah, getting outside would be nice. Although, I think I still have a bus pass we could use to go to the park, and it wouldn’t cost us anything. Thanks for the offer, though, Mr. Fisher.” I was trying hard not to laugh at Sal comically panicking. If he was in a cartoon, he would explode. After dinner, I helped clean up the dishes, much to Henry’s protesting, and then Sal and I worked on our board for another hour. “Sorry about my dad…” Sal mumbled as we glued the letters to the board. I could tell he was mortified.“It’s alright, Sal. Your dad didn’t know better,” I said. “And anyway, I wasn’t kidding about the park if you want to hang out again. It’s supposed to be nice on Sunday.” 

“I… I’d like that, y/n. But next time we work on this, we’re not doing it at my house.” Sal chuckled nervously. 

“Alright then. But it’s getting late, so I should head home.” 

We cleaned up all of the supplies, and Sal walked me to the door. “See you on Sunday then, y/n.” 

“Yeah, see you then.” I decided to give him a hug, both because it seemed like he needed one, and because I knew it would make him internally freak out. He jumped in surprise, and it was over before he could say a word.“Bye Mr. Fisher!” I called out. I said goodbye to Sal, who looked as though he was still processing what had just happened, his ears bright red.I was curious as to what Sunday would bring.

[lazy--stars]

Heyoooo your art style is currently like a huge inspiration for me (specifically your pencil sketches) and I was wondering if you had any art inspirations that helped you develop your style, as well as maybe some tips on how to do posing (your poses are probably the thing i admire most about your work because theyre so dynamic and loose)

I do! Pretty much every hyperfixation (aside from LazyTown since its live action…) I’ve had over the years has had some kind of influence on my art style, it kinda sneaks it’s way in there any time I draw new characters. A pretty comprehensive list of these influences from oldest to newest are: Sonic the Hedgehog (longest), Ouran High School Host Club, Death Note, Soul Eater, Hetalia (second longest), Osomatsu-san, and Gravity Falls. I never hyperfixated on Steven Universe or drew it that often but it definitely slipped its way in there too. 

One of my earliest influences that inspired me to pursue art as a career was Tracey Yardley. 

He currently does both pencils and linework on some of the IDW Sonic comics, and had been working with Archie Comics for many years previously. It was really amazing to see him improve and find the style he has now in real time within the monthly comics. A lot of credit definitely goes to this man. 

Another is HOBBY HOBBY, they’ve been creating Hetalia doujin over the course of quite a few years and I’ve been in love with their work ever since I first laid eyes on it. Their hands, anatomy…the way they draw expressions. It’s all very wonderful and I still try to buy their works and support them if I have the money. 

A more recent influence has been Dana Terrace. Her storyboarding skill is by far some of my favorite work. 

I’m also incredibly fond of Jen Wang, author of The Prince and the Dressmaker, and Bill Schwab, who typically supervises character design on Disney films. 

As for posing and keeping things loose, talking about the Line of Action is very important, which is something I’ve already done here. It is important to note here that the same principles you use to practice drawing don’t need to be implemented every time you draw, i.e. sectioning out a face or drawing the line of action. Those are practicing tools that you will find yourself getting a natural feel for over time. 

Start doing timed sketches from real life and from the online sources I mentioned in the linked post, as well as YouTube videos and anything else you want to reference. I recommend using pen and paper so you can’t be tempted to erase your work. Find the line of action in the pose, and then quickly sketch out a form. Start at 5 minute poses, and then move down to 3 minutes, 1 minute, 30 seconds. You’ll find that sketching becomes faster and more natural if you practice this way. Drawing from life is also key to studying proportions in motion. 

Once I get comfortable drawing a specific character, that’s when I can be really loose and free with my sketches. Characters I’ve never drawn before tend to be more stiff until I draw their headshot at least a million times LOL. I tend to create a lot of my poses and expressions from my brain hole, but they don’t always look quite right until I grab a reference for them. If you have reference for a base pose, that also makes it easier to then push the pose and make it more dynamic and emotional. 

Hope this helped!! (and also thank you uwu)

[ramblingshit]

Jane Eyre - 1996 - 2/5

what even is acting. what even is a script.

wasn't gonna do this one but fuck it's aunt petunia and rogue. here we go.

lots of credits fairo. more credits. damn fukin eh - i hear you're a wicked child! lol hi. now we're talking about hell and where bad people go. 'keep well and not die' ahaha m8. fkn reed putting seed in that she's a liar. teach her at her prospects, don't let her come back, she's a lying little shit take her away from here. he's appropriately scary oh shit she's saying this in front of the priest. damn tear that lady a new one. unruly, obstinate, wicked, deceitful, man these people hate kids who act out. walks in and damn she's on teh stool already - IS THAT THE LADY FROM PERSUASION. damn she just got here and he's telling everyone to not trust her, she doesn't get to eat and has to stand - she's just done hours of travelling fuckin assholes. IT IS THE LADY FROM PERSUASION. shes got dark hair and dark eyes and shes like glaring at everyone like shes onna kill him in their sleep. lol enjoy helen while she's alive. eatin bread and cheese in bed like she's not gonna get crumbs. omg telling these kids how to stand properly what why this lady hate her she's gonna cane her for not washing her hands. bish doesn't even flinch go helen. 'cleanliness is next to godliness' alright crazy. this school is a lot more chill than most of the others - they're laughing and doing what they want as well as learning and playing games. making jane out to be a pro artist. oh no ol mate saw her with her hair out. no dont cut it. 'vanity?' shes out here with naturally long, red and curly hair and he's out here calling her vain? because he recognises it as lovely she must be vain about it? what a fkn dickhole get off your high horse sexist moron pig anus head. what. he's saying her naturally  iwgh what i don't even understand his shit - it isn't offending him thats the issue its her naturally occuring sin and vanity (because her hair exists?) that is the issue??  what. lol go Jane. NO. oh fuck go Jane go. this guyyyy. don't do it Jane. chin held high she only does it when Helen nods at her to. DAAAAAAAAMN. took of her own bonnet. if Helen's hair goes so does Janes. they stood together looked at each other and flipped their heads over for him to go snip snip, bish looked shock and actually stepped back in horror. What a bae. Helen's fkn dying send help. fuck this lady should not be working with children considering how much she hates children. o shit where's helen. her beds all rolled up. can hear her hacking away in the distance. yikes that sounds bad. jane be creepin. oh fuck she's a terrible actress even as a kid. who honestly thinks its a good idea to hire her. she lying in her dying friend's bed and she's breathing all over her. isn't anna paquin australian? no? ah new zealand fairo. oh fuck Helen's daed. she's trying to squeeze out tears ahah oh no. she can't manage it. anna go back to new zealand you suck at acting who hired you ever. Riparoonies helen. that was actually the greatest jane and helen moment i've seen tbh. oh damn cool transition as she walked from helen's grave - she went from kid to adult. whats this part down the midde all of them got. Miss Temple fam, persuasion lady, fantastic lady, crying as Jane leaves like her mumma. this jane is long-flat-faced with a long protruding jaw, and very tall and skinny. thornfield looks like its already burned down ahaha. straight up castle here. she's got her drawing stuff as well as her bag. nice friendly ol mate meets her and opens the gates - big ass square this is some game of thrones shit yearh this place is like medieval more than victorian. the middle parted hair and the curled twists behind her head they're pretty much exactly the same in most Janes. all chillin and chatting about this together rather than completely separate. adele actually legit sounds french rather than just pretending? noice. dreary, cold, dark halls. her room is bright and airy with a four-poster bed and bay windows and lots of very nice furniture. river runs beside it; enormous tapestries; main gallery with lots of furniture and paintings and sculpures all covered in sheets with windows open to let in light; the doors are very large and heavy. Janes got a very long neck she looks legit like a fkn swan lmao. ooh a rochester backstory. well-travelled, intelliegent, can't tell if he's talking in jest or in earnest, or if he is pleased or irritated, not a happy man. they're just walking about in his rooms. the sun shines bright but cannot reach them through the thick mist. they're very soft-spoken. god her head is so far forward she's like the alien - long ass neck stretching forward and then her chin and jaw stretching wayyyy forward. wack wack anatomy.  it's very dark and dreary. she's off for a walk leaving adele to do like 5 sums. oh she's been here five minutes and they're already meeting. the music is like ... not appropriately intense? he just sorta looked at her, the horse tripped over and then he was on the floor and she's like whoops uh you alright bro. he's outright lying and pretending that he's not rochester his hair is grotty he's got like no hair on top they've just tries to scraggle it. this is so stunted and awkward. i hope it gets better. he's very gentle and she's pretty nonexistent to far. my god very gentle man. what. is he even rochester? that's a german shepherd. noice. playin chess by himself by the fire lol. this movie would be made infinitely better by an actual soundtrack. they're all chilling together again it's interesting - adele and fairfax and rochester and jane. wait she's been here 4 months. it literally didn't show anything about her chilling here. she talked back and now he's grumpy lol. what a terrible start compared to like... every other first convo. isn't she supposed to be not great at piano and yet she's teaching adele -- wait now we're at another convo between the duo. this convo is the other half of --- wait now we're talking sketches? jesus she hmm what are they talking about she's being forward and fuck her chin twists forward as she speaks she kinda looks like the wicked witch of the west. he's judging her drawings like he can do better. this is a mess? the best part about this so far is adele.  there's no sense of time. adele is gorgeous honestly. she's pale and gaunt with bags beneath her eyes. wait here's the next part of the conversation. blunt and brusque replies from her. god they're so obviously acting its painful. they have no chemistry because the CONVERSATION IS ALL OVER THE PLACE. they've done it on pruspose to try stretch things out a bit but like plz EY why he scrunch up the drawing wtf. 'and remember the shadows are as important as the light'. dudes. these are private conversations? it would be alright to try it more naturally but they're just not the kind of things you casually say. it's impersonal and there's no intimacy. sit there and watch a kid dance to the sound of a music box. he's so grumpy looking. now snapping at the kid. he's annoying. like a violent dude he feels more like a nice guy quick to snap - definitely kinda unhinged. and now drunk. hmm i don't like it. she told him not to be mean to adele and he rages about her mother, 'you've made adele feel unwanted and unloved' damn this Jane goes for the throat. she's too good for him I can see it now m8. he's a psycho run. red flag red flag. don't like it. lol he wake up like huh.... oh look beds on fire... huh... well suppose i should sort it out... huh... fuck they're barely acting huh. do they even want to be here. how much are these guys getting paid. he's literally a drunk. and has she had a drink in her life? she just went for it? omg so impersonal - isn't he supposed to be already half in love with her by this point? camera angle just flicks forward and back as the conversation goes on and when theres action it just pans back to the widest shot ever lol just show the entire scene why give any emphasis or focus to anything who needs reaction shots and feelings of being in it rather than observing it. fkn ey. he's literally just an angry blitering brooding drunk yikes. he's staring at her tits? these conversations man... he definitely just said jade instead of jane. m8 don't tell me he didn't. there's more intimacy between all the servants and jane and feeling more like an actual squad living together than there is any feeling between rochester and jane. adeles got a frog lol cute. 'you're a fool,' jane tells her reflection. this music is so shit it's bringing everything down. rochester, who's been an unfeeling ass the whole time, holds her hand once and now she's got a big crush on him. she's very spirited - to the point where she could too easily be cruel. like it's not just a repressed forcefulness it's like a hidden rage. can see her going mad and chopping someone up with icy rage and poised pleasure. wonder if i'm in a mood and interpreting this wrong? but honestly. dancing rochester now? instead of singing. adele is glaring at Mrs Ingram who just insulted jane lolol go kid she's definitely the best part. the background people actually make this place feel alive and natural, completely unlike their FUCKING AWFUL conversations. jesus what. god could you have two people less interested in each other? i think this fairfax knows about bertha. there's a 'tapestry bedroom'? lol what does that mean. they're dancing, playing cards, piano, the lot. oh the walls are literally covered in tapestries, that's creepy af. theres so much blood my dude would be dead yo. will hurt like doesn't know how to act. wwait theyve skipped my 'fav scene'?? theyre shaking hands again, wtf is this. wait what shes just met stjohn n he;s the one telling her all about the reeds? petunias dying 'love me then or hate me as you will - you have my full and free forgiveness' - i cant forgive any version that misses that out: its so powerful as part of her character. stalking her while he smokes in the dark what a creeper. 'how cuold you be so stupid!' lol fight him Jane i dont even know how we got to kissing likr the movie is almost 2 hours and yet it feels SO rushed. literally took away all the secret courting and his sneaky declarations. shes a modern woman trapped in an old age.  she is so skinny. and with entirely stiff expressions. ew he makes me so uncomfortable. theyre not even trying lol. acting ey acting have u heard of it. just left jane at the altar like bye bitch.shes just in a giant empty ugly room. bertha is a very young and frightened girl but also very sick in the typical long white dress and long dark hair. god this guy is a whingebum. bertha understands everything he's saying. oh yikes lol she just whipped a log from the fire and went after Jane and Jane just put her veil back down with like a sigh turned and yeeted slowly away long ass veil over a white bonnet, silk cape thing in a dark hallway walking all miserable. she's outies lol he's just let her walk out? i love u and i love u. bye. bertha's taken another log from the fire and lit the wedding dress on fire along with the house ahaha. wait he let her leave the house then ran after her on horseback but had to stop after bertha lit the place on fire it started burning and we're actually seeing it happen? interesting. the house is burning, pepople are running, bertha's on the battlements and rochester is going up there to --oh fuck grace poole got yeeted over by bertha oh she's flying ahahaha jumped down to where she threw grace poole. rochesters in the fire. jane's off and racing. it's all happened at once. she went to stjohns, didn't even get dumped in teh marshes but down she goes after chilling in a coach for 3 days. shes been there a month. her jaw is so long and forward its creepy. again one fo the few telling her that she's wealthy from inheritance from her uncle. more backstory. she was deeply loved by her parents, now she's wealthy, lifes looking up but she's all upset after than asshole lol move on and be happy. she's hearing his voice on the wind like please chill. damn 6months. what. um. he's very awkwardly trying to propose? but its like the last half of the conversation with the first bit just cut out. so weird. she looks normal face-on. oh she decides after the proposal to go back - none of that chasing after voices nonsense. whoops that shit burned downnn. doggoooo is still alive. what a good boy. fuck me there's like no anticipation, no intensity, no build-up, no chemistry, it's so dry and cold and heartless. christ acting. act. acting. act. please. act. what is happening. act. she has the neck of a swan ol mate. fucking gross. their words are stilted, and not romantic in the slightest and especially not in their delivery. theyre walking with no kids but the dog but they're talking about the kids. oh my god. that was pretty fkn awful. like seriously not good.

[ofaudreys-blog]

hello everyone i’m blue (or another color if it makes it less confusing kjsdjfkks)! i’m super excited to introduce you guys to audrey, big heart in a smol body! but yes okay i have her backstory n personality n wanted connections under the cut so pls hmu on here or discord to plot bc im literally so hyped!!

— audrey tuyen phan  is finishing up her last year at ventura with hopes of graduating and attending university of california, los angeles to study biology. four years in and she’s known as the syrupy, which makes perfect sense considering how amicable, fervent, sensitive, and obdurate she is. that title landed her the senior class superlative of most likely to come back to the school and teach. when you hear coloring outside the lines - misterwives coming from a car this summer, it’ll most likely be them. speaking of summer, once school ends i hear her plans are to get out of her comfort zone. i can’t help but to be reminded of a sunset glistening over the ocean, splatters of oil paint on old clothes, flower petals pressed between the pages of a book, and a heart shaped locket filled with memories.

okay so! backstory time!

audrey grew up in ventura! she has a younger sister (sophie) and grew up with her mom and her dad around for the most part. was introduced to art as a kid and had an ok childhood! her dad's a graphic designer and would draw with her or sing lullabies to her when she was young n her mom was an up-and-coming, trying to make it big actress! 

her parents got divorced in the middle of 6th grade and it kinda broke audrey’s heart? because she really believed in her parents’ meet-cute story of like “love at first sight” and all that! but nope her mom was hooking up with a co-star behind her dad’s back and then up and left the family without much care for any of them and it hit Really Hard

her dad didn’t remarry and  bc of legal reasons she had to visit her mom (who pretended to care for audrey n sophie... but really didnt) every other weekend and audrey was just not about that and it kinda made her become super shy

her dad started to become super busy (and also was beginning to drink a lot more heavily... but audrey pretended not to notice) and so her grandmother would tend to care for her and her sister and it was great for a time! her grandma was the Best and would bake w them and bring them out to the park to play and sit her up on the counter and wag her finger on what to do and what not to do and like audrey’s heart, even tho it was a lil doubtful of love in those moments, she was taught to be v kind and loving to everyone she met

her grandma was diagnosed w leukemia and eventually passed away and at that point audrey was v v sad bc she was v close with her grandma but her grandma’s last words to her were about staying true to herself and to always have love in her heart so to this day she tries to live up to those words and like !! its what really drives her to be empathetic

her dad reached his lowest point w alcoholism and would occasionally lash out verbally at his children but never violently, and at some point audrey stuck up the courage to get him into AA during her freshman year and so now she tries to make sure her dad’s sober and is afraid to leave for college bc she doesn’t want him to relapse (so thats why she’s going to ucla bc it’s not terribly far)

currently her sister’s a freshman and going to be a sophomore and audrey’s constantly looking out for her lil sister bc she can see that she’s fallin into the wrong crowd so rip but audrey’s that Annoying Older Sibling who keeps trying to protect her sister even tho u just gotta let them experience life

she’s going to ucla to study biology and hopefully become a doctor / nurse bc she wants to help other ppl really badly! at school she’s definitely a local volunteer for almost everything, possibly a cheerleader? she got Pep, probably works at a local library bc she a big Softie for books!, and probably the head of like an art club or smth skdkskkjds

OKAY ONTO HER PERSONALITY BC THIS IS LONG ENOUGH

she’s a giant hopeless romantic and falls in love really easily and normally for the wrong people. like in short, v idealistic and v much a dreamer, always optimistic about the future!!! believes in everyone and gives second chances and v much nonconfrontational

she’s super talkative and energetic and could probably talk ur ear off and will 100% try to befriend almost everyone and it can honestly sometimes come off as fake?? but like she’s genuinely trying , although sometimes it gets exhausting for her

she’s super passionate and she’s a v much all or nothing type of person! will put her heart and soul into anything and everything

loves to people watch and sketches almost everyone she meets and everyone she sees, she’s v big on Art and probably has half-finished sketchbooks lying around her room and unfinished canvases and her desk (and clothes) are probably covered in paint Always! loves to visit art museums

she loves to stargaze too! big into astrology. she’s a pisces

cooks like a Food Network Star and probably makes all of her grandma’s recipes and probably if u ever come over her house she will cook u up a five course meal

oh yeah she’s v much sensitive and emotional, like if u poke her feelings she will b all over the place but she likes to pretend she’s strong but she’s soft! i mean she will stick up for her friends and is slowly building up her courage, but she will cry 5 minutes BEFORE Up begins or really any disney movie , she’s a giant fan of disney. will apologize in 0.5 seconds bc she wants everyone to get along and b happy , v much a peacemaker

she’s kinda free spirited?? spontaneous and definitely up for last minute adventures and midnight trips into downtown but in the end she’s scared of letting go and getting out of her comfort zone but she’s trying to get better at that this summer, especially since she knows she’ll be homesick once she goes to uni

and i think thats it!!!! time for wanted connections here we go

bad/good influence where either they help her become a bit more Tough or just get her to branch out and get her Wild Side to emerge

ex who totally broke her heart :/// or maybe theyre on good terms now!

ex friends???

unrequited love?

frenemies ??/

rivals??

give this gal an enemy who annoys the heck outta her and brings out her Bad Side

ppl who came close to dating / were close friends who were about to date but something happened and now its super awkward

art friends! or her muse who she loves to draw/paint with

OR WE CAN BRAINSTORM!! <3 hmu i love u all

[steviesays]

In depth analysis of Solo: a Star Wars Story

wow that title makes it look like this wasn’t just me rambling for 4 whole ass pages on word, but I wanted to give you guys all of my thoughts and reactions on the movie. All of the spoilers are going to be under the cut and I’ll continue to tag spoilers for solo for the next two weeks, so until JUNE 8TH so none of you are allowed to yell at me for spoiling the movie. 

alright yall here we go im going to start with the plot and move into the characters the same way I did for tlj.

After coming out of this movie, it took me the entire ride home to process and think about whether I even liked it or not. When I got home, I had a two hour long conversation with my brother on the purpose of all of these movies rather than on what the movie is about because hes a fake fan and didn’t go see it last night. But anyway, after giving a brief synopsis with as little spoilers as possible, we kind of came to the consensus that this movie didn’t really matter, plot wise. It was kind of just made to sell tickets (even though they didn’t even sell tickets because there was no promo). Literally the whole movie was just an adventure that Han Solo went on, there was no real character arc, Han was the same person he was at the end as he was at the beginning, the only real development was him meeting chewie and lando and getting the millennium falcon. Did we really HAVE to see the kessel run, like yeah it was cool, but having the whole movie based around that? I feel like we were all kind of expecting more of a backstory, which is what it was kind of advertised as, and I think it would have been more effective, at least from a fan perspective, to have seen what Han’s life was when he was a child on Correlia. We still have no information on his parents, except for his dad was apparently a mechanic that wanted to be a pilot. We don’t know how he became orphaned or how he ended up with that fucking lizard monster thing, how he met Qi’ra, or how any of this affected him. I think they just started the movie at a bad spot, but that decision was made to maximize profit. I guess no casual movie goer would want to see han solo roughing it through some angst, but for people that are fully invested in star wars? It was just kind of a pointless action movie.

Other than that, it was a decent movie overall. I didn’t walk out of it pissed like I did with tlj, it kind of just made me feel nothing. Like I knew all this shit before, I didn’t need to see it in a two hour film. Him meeting chewie and lando, getting the falcon and doing the kessel run in 12 parsecs were things that were already established. There was nothing really spectacular about this movie it kind of just exists as a plot extender, rather than something that moves the plot forward or gives us major insights. I guess they can get away with it being useful to plot by the scene at the end that establishes to everyone that Darth Maul is still alive and fucking up the galaxy, but they could have just made their own damn darth maul movie, which is probably coming anyway based on that scene.

 But now that I’ve dragged the movie enough, lets get into the characters because I have a lot to say. There were characters that I really liked, characters that had a lot of potential, and characters that I hated.

Lets start with han. I really liked him in this movie and I like the actor they got for him, I think he did a really great job showing han’s snark and egoism while also keeping his inner goodness and making sure the audience was sympathetic. As I said before, he didn’t really develop much as a character, he was born a scoundrel and stayed that way. His quest to do whatever he could to get home so he could save Qi’ra was something we all would have expected out of him. I did like that we were able to see his street smarts and ability to strategize more than we have in other movies. I guess we have a bit of development, in that he learns to be even less trusting than he already was at the beginning through all of the betrayals in the movie, but like …. He was already distrustful in the beginning from the life he had already lived. Also, this has nothing to do with what I was just saying but I just remembered, this is during the time of the empire. Didn’t the empire use cloned Stormtroopers as their infantry and navy with humans only being officers …………………… like correct me if im wrong, but im like 90% sure that’s right. Because the first order were the ones that used human Stormtroopers. And even so like, what are these infantry men even doing. Aren’t Stormtroopers the ones that have always invaded planets for the empire, these people weren’t wearing any type of armor or cohesive uniforms and I just remember being confused as fuck during this whole sequence. In a ‘this is a major plot hole’ kind of way. Were they running out of clones ?????? like just make more ???????????? like the whole reason they used clones was because using actual humans to do grunt work was barbaric and clones aren’t really seen as people. Also now that I’m thinking about it what happened to all of the clones once the war ended. I haven’t watched or read many of the side stories or books, so I don’t know if it’s just me that’s missing something, but idk having han join the empire as an infantryman just didn’t make sense to me. Also having an imperial officer be the one to give him his last name was just kind of yikes. Like they couldn’t have just had him come up with one himself in that moment. Whatever.

Now lets talk about Qi’ra aka fake bitch. I fucking hated her so much through this entire movie and not just because I called her fake leia in the lead up to it coming out (tell me han doesn’t have a type). Like what the hell honestly. She was the WORST. And its kind of sad because she really had the potential to be a better character, but it just did not happen. Like she was gone for three years and just happened to appear back at some sketch party? And the only explanation for it was “yeah ive been through some shit don’t ask.” And what killed me is that she just never fucking explained!!! Like han asked her multiple times to tell him what happened in the in-between time and they have this whole ass history, he was doing all this shit FOR YOU, and he doesn’t even get an explanation ???? at the very least give the viewers an explanation. Like I guess it was implied that she did some dark shit, slept her way to the top, killed a few people on the way there, but HOW ??? WHY ??? WHEN ???? how long has she been involved in this shit to be at the position she has and to be so changed by it? Her character was the one that changed the most, from being careful of people other than the one she trusted (han), but still having hope for a better life, to just being like fuck everyone, I’m here for me and I don’t care how many people I have to kill or betray to survive. But we never got that character development in the film so she just came off as a terrible human being. We never got the chance to be sympathetic for her, and tbh im about to get even more angry because this whole film was centered around M E N yes I said it im being that bitch right now because the women in this movie were paid DUST.

And on that note lets talk about fucking Val. Another character with so much potential that was just …………………. hnjdklsbckdsbcbsdlv. She was the literal embodiment of the angry black woman trope and it pissed me the fuck off. She was the one that refused to bend on bringing han into the group and continued to antagonize him the whole mission, which the audience obviously took as a damn joke because duh its han fucking solo. We all know that she’s wrong, but when everyone else jumped on board with han she stayed adamant in her position, making her the odd one out of the group. Every time she opened her damn mouth I got mad because she just kept putting han and chewie down and it was just so cringey because I knew that this would make her either a hated or a forgotten character. AND THEN SHE JUST FUCKING DIED. I was like oh ok, 20 minutes in and the whole squad is dead already god damn. Which brings me into my analysis of tobias.

I love woody harrelson and he did a great job but there were a few scenes that just annoyed me, one of them being after his squad dies. Like hes sad for like 5 seconds, punches han which is an understandable reaction considering the fact that it was his fault everyone died for no reason, and then hes just fine again? Like it was never brought up again that two people he was obviously very close to, especially Val, just died pointless deaths. Even the night before the mission he was like ‘yeah you got to get someone you can trust I got my girl val’ and then they kiss and im like oh ok theyre in love that’s cute we love representation of interracial couples, but then she dies and he never mentions her name again. He doesn’t even grieve for longer than 2 minutes ??? he gives han another chance even though this was 100000% his fault and everyone knows it ??? it was kind of like oh, ok why the fuck did we even do that, why did I have to watch all of this happen if there are no consequences. His character didn’t change at all throughout the movie either. He’s just as distrustful and self-centered as he was, he just has less friends now and he’s dead. He was a good fatherly/mentor-y figure for han throughout the movie, but that’s about it.

I don’t really have much to say about Lando other than the fact that Donald glover did a great job, but I really didn’t expect much else. B U T last week I reblogged a post about him confirming that lando was pan and in the tags I was like lol watch him still be in a het relationship and GUESS FUCKING WHAT. Like its as if they thought making him be in love with a robot that has a female voice, a female build, and people that address her with she/her pronouns would be enough for people to be like come on it’s a fucking robot they don’t have gender …. hsdakbckdsla and while we’re on this subject lets talk about L3 because her (it? I don’t even know) character probably made me the most angry while watching the movie.

L3 being like an advocate for droids was an obvious parallel to other civil rights movements like womens rights or even African American rights and the way it was handled made me so fucking angry. Everything the droid said was used as comic relief or made to be received as a joke because obviously shes talking about fucking robots. But honestly, let me get deep for a moment here, droids in the star wars universe ARE sentient. They have minds of their own and are put into the story like characters, but theyre treated as lesser because theyre not made of flesh and blood. I understand and identify with the things L3 was saying because she’s right, but through the whole movie it was made to be a joke, because you know droids don’t need rights theyre droids. But that was the same thing people in the fucking 60s were saying about black people we’re ‘just n******’ (im sorry I cant even type the word it makes me uncomfortable). And her revolutionary spirit mirrors that of women’s rights revolutionaries today. Being a black woman that’s involved in social justice in America, the characterization of L3 just made me upset because everyone was treating everything she said as a joke, and there was no rectification of it. After L3 died, there was no ‘hmmm maybe she was right maybe we should start thinking of droids more as people’ she was another wasted character whose only use was her navigation system when they could have taken a completely different route and addressed something that was actually wrong with the star wars universe rather than just enforcing it. And when she started to give the droids a mind of their own in the control room I knew it was going to dissolve into chaos and make a horrible situation because it was such a predictable moment that completely undermined social justice actions and it pissed me off.

I guess the plot twist that effys nest (is that how you spell her name? probably not it doesn’t really matter) and her squad were working with the revolution was cute. I deadass thought for a second she was gonna be like ‘what up tobias or should I call you DAD’ cause that would have been a 100% star wars thing to do. The bad guy was a generic bad guy so I really don’t have much to say about him. I loved the scenes between han and chewie which showed why they became so close.

This is really all I have to say about solo for know, nothing huge is coming to mind. Overall, it was a good movie if you’re not a fan, but kind of a wasted opportunity for everyone else. This movie had a lot of potential to deliver and im pretty disappointed that it didn’t. If you don't agree on anything I’ve said or you just want to talk about the movie with me PLEASE dont hesitate to slide into my dms I love discourse

[uniformbravo]

an Post about Me (my day)

i got a new phone case today ok bc like my old one was just a clear soft plastic, v minimal & functional, but ive had it for like 3 yrs so it had gone all gross n yellow w/ age and handling & it was totally falling apart & i wasnt in a hurry to get a new one just yet but my mom surprised me today w/ a new one & it’s like. it’s basically the same but black and opaque & im not gonna fuckin lie my phone looks so fuckin good now oh my god i cant get over it every time i look at it im so?? i love it??? it’s so Sleek like im not one 2 ever call electronics sexy but hoooooo

i thought i was losing my fucking mind today bc i could not remember what nagisa’s motif animal was??? i was literally running through every aquatic animal i could think of in my mind i was picturing those medley relay scenes where theyre swimming n the animals appear but nothing was fuckin coming up for nagisa like it was Bad & i didnt wanna look it up bc i was using my phone for yt & didnt wanna lose my place in the playlist i was on like it was a whole goddamn Thing & then i also didnt wanna Give In bc i Knew i would kick myself the second i found out what it was from it being so obvious i was fuckin. ive never blanked so hard in my life i was like i should KNOW this shit i was THERE what is this Amateur Hour what the FUCk, for 5 fuckin minutes & then when it Finally fuckin hit me it was like a full on arin hanson kinda moment where i just yelled “PENGUIN” in the middle of my living room it was. a journey

this is gonna sound dumb af but ok so every time i get into a new fandom i get rly anxious the first time i try to draw for it, like i feel so stupid trying to draw these new characters n i know the only way to get good at drawing them is to, u know, actually Draw them but for some reason i still always feel like a Fool for even trying so like. that’s a hurdle i have to get over every time i wanna start drawing fanart for a new Thing I Like so you would THINK that if i was gonna go back to drawing for an old fandom i fell out of but have now come back to, like free for example, that wouldnt be an issue right?? like ive already drawn these fools before this should be a piece of cake??? except that like. free came out 5 years ago & to put it lightly my art has improved a Lot since then. free was also my first like, actual anime fandom?? up until that point i’d only been drawing fanart of real people & actors n shit so it was like stylizing a real human, right. so i remember being really intimidated by the thought of trying to draw these anime boys bc holy shit the art style already looked so good how could i possibly convert this into my style, no matter what i did it would be a downgrade right. taking Really Lovely Art & squashing it down to accommodate my limited abilities at the time so i was never really happy with any of the fanart i did back then & i think thats why i was so nervous to draw them again today?? like i sat down w/ my sketchbook, did a little warmup thing (not free), & then just kinda went huh bc like. i know i love doing fanart of the things i love & i know i love free so i knew the logical thing here would be to draw free fanart but i was rly hesitant to try it & almost chickened out, but i stuck through it & drew a haru & then from there i started having ideas for More stuff to draw which turned into a lil series that i want to make & im!!! so glad i got myself to get over that hurdle of First Fanart Anxiety bc if i had just stayed in my comfort zone i wouldnt be working on this new project & i wouldnt have all these sketches im actually rly happy with like! i rly like how today’s drawings came out!! ive honestly been in such a rut w/ art lately & i think this is exactly what i needed to dig myself out & get myself excited to draw again so!! im rly happy!!! today was a Good Day

[rigginsstreet]

this got SUPER long so its going under the cut but this is the f*lice rant i was talking about lmao enjoy! (full disclosure i also end up going on a fredsythe rant because i gotta, ok. yall gonna make me sit through this stupid ass storyline when a better one is RIGHT FUCKING THERE so yeah, im mad. fp jones also likes men get over it.)

Sorry but there's literally nothing new inventive shocking or compelling about a storyline where two grown ass straight MARRIED adults are pining over each other because they had some weird romantic connection nearly 30 fucking years ago that may or may not have resulted in a fucking teenage pregnancy that im sure NOBODY wanted like yall really out here wanting me to believe what? alice cheated on her boyfriend and got knocked up by a dude who represented everything she was trying to get away from? and she told hal the kid was fps but never told fp himself? because that makes all of ZERO FUCKING SENSE! even if they wanted to throw out “well alice and hal were broken up at the time” its still SO out of character for alice like i know she had her wild child serpent days but its not something she looks back on with fondness so why the HELL does anyone think its a good idea to set her up with the fucking LEADER of the entire GANG are you all sniffing glue?? and then theyre trying to sit here and vilify hal so that we root for alice to hook up with fp in present day? the fuck outta here im not about to sit and cheer on alice’s character regression. first of all yall need to stop getting mad at 17 year old hal for not wanting to be a father and handling this situation poorly he was a TEENAGE BOY i know yall think everyone needs to be pristine angels from birth but thats not how life works and second of all he has every right to be sketched out that his daughter brought forth her long lost brother to fill in the void polly left, especially when the first time hal sees chic hes fucking BLEEDING after being attacked for god knows what reason in hals mind like... im team hal on this one he’s the only one with some self preservation alice and betty about to get themselves killed i s2g all these dumb ass decisions are being made, which in itself is bad enough, but to make it so obvious that this is all being done to eventually prop up a ship that is the very definition of fan service, is beyond ridiculous and terrible writing. like i get it. madchen and skeet are hot and have chemistry (which...btw....literally all the parents have insane chemistry with each other but no focus on the boring obvious straight pairing i guess but oh do not worry i have more to say on that later) i get it. but what is the purpose of that if you cant write an interesting story? and dont get me started on how shoehorned this recent ~connection~ is like yes i admit in s1 i got vibes from them (which, stay on this blog for 5 minutes and you will soon realize i can romantically/sexually connect pretty much any pairing amongst the parents because, like i said, they all have insane chemistry and they all say weird shit to each other). but i cannot believe yall sat here and thought the whole sexual frustration comment after fp got out of prison or the “leave him” exchange felt authentic??? like is it me? am i the one in the twilight zone? somebody help me out here. alice and fp in s1 couldnt stand each other and now shes all joking about his sex life ?? fp almost started a huge fight during that dinner with her and hal and the kids and yet im supposed to believe he’s been pining after her all these years?? like maybe id have an easier time believing this shit if i hadnt seen how he interacts with fred (oh yes. we’re going there because im tired of this HETERO NONSENSE GOING ON ALL THE TIME IN TELEVISION WHEN THEYVE LITERALLY SET UP BETTER OPPORTUNITIES FOR SAME SEX RELATIONSHIPS IM IN A MOOD SO WE’RE GOING ALL OUT) but to close off this part of my rant (oh and i didnt even touch upon how gross itd be for betty and jughead to share a sibling lmfao but that should be self explanatory): there is literally no conceivable way for this shit to go down and not make me lose respect for alice (fp i can give a slight pass to on the front of he and his wife being separate, but even then if he goes after alice while she’s still with hal....you done fucked up). first of all, going after your daughters boyfriends/ex boyfriends father is weird. second of all, if chic is in fact hals son, then they need to work on bringing the family together. hal is not a lost cause. chic is creepy as hell if anything i can see him pulling some shit that brings betty hal and alice closer together but no that makes too much sense so the writers probably wont do that! so theyre either gonna continue to push hal out so that itll be “acceptable” for alice to run to fp, or hal has to literally just fucking die and then what? alice goes to fp in her time of grief? im gonna throw up. 

and now on to the gay shit

im supposed to compare f*lice and fredsythe scenes and come out thinking alice was the one he was in love with? bitch WHERE? fp has a sordid past with both alice and fred for different reasons. we dont know the full extent of what happened with alice (if anything but for the sake of predictability that i know to expect from a cw show, lets say they do) but given how they interact with each other we can assume it was bad. and we all know fred and fps history and how dark that got for fp (like i literally wrote up a whole thing about it if you want a link i’ll send it to you) and yet no matter the past, fp had probably his most lightest moment of the show with fred. he was willing to drop everything and help fred and soon as he asked (which, btw, fred didnt even ask for help. fp knew he was in trouble and that was it. thats all he needed and he was there for fred). THAT is love, ok. THAT is a relationship worth delving into beyond 2 friggen episodes in season 1. And yes this same storyline thats been given to f*lice with this whole adultery nonsense, but with fp and Fred, would actually be interesting because two gay kids in the early 90s actually have a valid reason for not being together and not ending up together. and then you add on that fps from the south side and fred the north, and that makes things even more complicated for them because then you can have a whole scenario of fp thinking hes not good enough for fred and ending things because of his own insecurities, his way of trying to push fred towards a better life... like THAT makes sense. even if fred and fp were never a thing and you just went with fp being in love with his best friend all these years and he could never have him (which still makes sense because i mean come on, freds casanova ways in high school with the ladies? fp sitting on the sidelines trying to be a supportive best friend but dying on the inside, never telling fred how he feels?) not to mention like half the serpents are gay as hell and there would be such a great story to tell for why all these gay south side kids end up in the same gang under fps wing, because he’s making up for his own shitty upbringing, he wants these kids to know someones looking out for them like...if the writers need plots and backstory I can give you them for free it really didn't take a lot of brainpower but no by all means tell me how the two ~straight~ kids who grew up on the same side of town under virtually the same circumstances, one of whom wanted NOTHING MORE THAN TO SHED HER SERPENT IMAGE AND CREATE A BETTER LIFE FOR HERSELF, and the other who keeps going on about wanting to put his family back together, had such a tragic backstory and its not just a blatant midlife crisis on both their ends. please. by all means. enlighten me. 😒

[chickenfetus]

ALL!!!! (also the gemini sqUAD LOL)

im gonna enjoy a nice cup of water while doing this bc idk a tea (update i didnt drink water at all and now im dying of thirst,, also undercut bc many)

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

i dont wake up early enough to see the sunrise and when i do i never manage to take pics bc of school so peachy sunsets

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

idk what a sugar cone is but i like waffle cones!!! havent eaten ice cream with a cone in forever though,, i rarely eat ice cream now

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

listen…. its about 33 degrees everyday but even if im in a colder country i dont wear scarves

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

this depends?? on how motivated im feeling lmao never more than 10 minutes though because if i lay awake for that long ill just fall back asleep

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

i dont think so?? im bad at trying new things especially food

6: What does your umbrella look like?

i dont.. go outside often and whenever i do i take public transport so basically everythings sheltered so i never had a need for umbrellas

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

ive only listened to one everybody please listen to this gift

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

both, preferably when im indoors

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

hm??????????? my tags lmao 

UPDATE: i also really like reading other people’s tags and their rambles that is all

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

does the word aesthetic make this question any different from a normal favourite colour question???? if it doesnt then sky blue 

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

in this house we draw lines with no ruler like men (but also because even if i did use a ruler it wouldnt be like… straight idk i cant use rulers

12:  Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

neutral cozy living room but i also love basking in sunlight 

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

im not a big fan of heavy smelling products so i dont own any candles

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

i dont think so??????? ive seen horses before though

15: Do you have glasses?

without my glasses i wouldnt be able to read these questions lmao and . .. theyre also a result of watching pokemon too closely to the tv at a young age… its been like 10 years since i got glasses

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

japanese i tried speaking it but i got 2 embarrassed to say anything properly while i was in japan (i cant even speak english properly to a friend whyd i think i could speak another language to a stranger beats me) 

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

my singaporean no season ass: ? but autumn and november (is this cutting it too close to winter? idk my seasons)

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

hm not really i just wear blue ankle socks a lot but my friend did give me a pair of pokemon and gudetama socks before and i adore those although i lost the gudetama ones in the uk last year she got me another pair whatd i do to deserve her?

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

m .. um? big. hero 6?????? 

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

my dumb ass didnt know they were different

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

i rarely go and watch movies anymore but when i did watch a lot of movies with my friend at the theater we’d get afternoon shows and sneak mcdonalds in lmao

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

how about band? day6 i only ever play pokemon + sif + bandori so i cant say much and i rarely watch movies and a show? if its an anime id say the one i mentioned before in my one text post 

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

not really rip 

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

HM mmmmmm there was this one but i forgot the name lmao pass

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

when im the … audience? what do u call it???? i like seeing all kinda of art styles!!! everyone has their own unique art style and i love it all :o

for ME,, , ive been doing art for 6 years maybe and i still cant do shit

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

i would die straight up die thats such a soft concept i cant imagine myself receiving flowers thats 2 sweet oh my god wtf id combust??? i prefer leaves though is that weird i picked some nice leaves recently and im gonna give those to my friends

27: Do you like nicknames?

giving and having nicknames is my favorite past time

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

pokemon lmao thank u 4 not ending it…. the animation has only improved and im so proud to have been watching it since the start pokemon is my special thing i love it so much!! an interest that never died down, with an anime that stays super like idk to my preference? i tried watching the new digimon stuff but i just couldnt :^( im glad they made ash stay the main character 

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

never forget dat boi

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

we dont celebrate halloween and i would never cosplay, big shoutout to cosplayers though!!! they put in so much effort and just, respect!!!!! 

i dont know if this is an actual memory because i dont remember well but when i was younger i thiNK? i had to dress up as a swan thing i have no clue i dont even remember the performance but i might have had to ?? and dance??? or act i dont remember everythings fuzzy but i dressed up a swan once? in kindergarten ????? 

31:  Are you a fashionable person?

i have the worst fashion sense and even though jeans are nice once again the weather here doesnt allow me to be as fashionable as i can be

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

not realyyy??? the jack frost (rip) movie was ncie????

33:  Cookies or brownies?

i live 4 chocolate chip cookies but too much is . . not preferable

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

no i hate breathing in & out from my mouth

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

WELL from the great cockroach ordeal last night id probably die bc we live in an apartment building so the only way id be hearing crickets would be if they were in the ROOM 

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

my only knowledge of cobblestone is from minecraft so idk

37:  How often do you doodle?

when school was still relevant i would doodle as soon as i picked up a pencil lmao i try not to anymore bc i doodled on my math assignment and forgot to fucking erase it and my math teacher called me out

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

a year ago?? i dont remember but i do remember when i was younger id try and blow bubbles at the void deck do yall kno what that is its just a space near the lift lobby anyway i swallowed the soap thing idk u know how ur supposed to blow? well i sucked the soap in yum

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

in my room its the bed and in the house its the water bottle that contains water

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

i………………………… i dont actualy kno how to clip my nails and my mum would kill me if i tried but i dont bite my nails either

41: Any birthmarks?

not that i know of

42: Thoughts on freckles?

ive never actually seen someone with freckles in public before but theyre good stuff i gueess?? i dont actually have an opinion on them? everyone says theyre cute and all but im just ??? not that i hate freckles tho if u have freckles? thats cool! 

43: First video game you ever played?

pokemon pearl?? either that or megaman on my ps3 OR the bomb square guy????? idk the game name but.. ya

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

i dont know what the bird species are but theyre small black birds not crows idk

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

memes yes gifs no bc im not lame like jen

46: Thoughts on spring?

no comment?? i mean? its nice??????? i guess ??? if we had a spring

47: Ideal temperature outside?

oh boy 20 degrees would be enough for me but its never gotten that low before sunny island’s life

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

i like clear skies when its bright! but not too sunny and not too warm!!!!! clouds are nice to look at too though

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

yeah we live near an airport i dont think anybody uses????

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

windy days are my SHIT back in school our basketball court was open spaced and whenevr wind blew we could feel it man thats the life right there but i hate windy days when im sitting at home bc it flows the curtains rigth into my face i like the feel of the wind and the smell of fresh air but… curtains in my face? not 2 great so rip i close all the windows lmao

okay thank u so much 4 asking falen i love you and wow this was a lot

[strongjooheon]

im literally in bed doing nothing so i should do this while i can

tagged by @kihyuninq​ thanks hun <333

1. Nickname: Dawny

2. Gender: female

3. Star Sign: Pisces

4. Height: 5′5″ (168 cm)

5. Time: 10:49 pm

6. Birthday: March 4th

7. Favorite Bands/Groups: this is gonna be so long omg. Monsta X, KNK, VAV, Block B, SVT, iKON, NCT(all units), K.A.R.D, 2PM, SHINee, DAY6, Victon, VIXX, GOT7, SISTAR (i cri), CNBLUE, SF9, EXO,  Bigbang, BTS, BTOB, B.A.P, etc. im just gonna stop here im sorry

8. Favorite Solo Artists: HA. THIS ISNT GONNA BE SHORT EITHER Jay Park, Eddy Kim, Roy Kim, Sam Kim (all the kims), Zion T, Crush, Simon D, Loco, DEAN, Zico (he counts right?), I’M (not i.m, but you should look him up! as well as these next 2), Owol, Ovan, Heize, Brother SU, Mad Clown, Yoo Seung Woo, etc. there’s so many amazing artists holy and theyre all my faves

9. Song Stuck In My Head: Happy - WJSN -.-

10. Last Movie I Watched: lmao wtf are movies HA i only know video games i think i saw 5 minutes of Avatar in the hotel room from my road trip

11. Last Show I Watched: How I Met Your Mother (yet again in the hotel room)

12. When Did I Create My Blog: 8 months ago?? archive says December 14th 2016 o.o

13. What Do I Post: mostly mx (tbh jooheon and i.m with sprinkles of wonho and shownu + specks of hyunwon, minhyuk and kihyun rofl) but im 40% multifandom so chances are im reblogging basically anything concerning nct, exo, knk and svt + specifically namjoon or jin of bts

14. Last Thing I Googled: VAV Flower (you) lyrics

15. Do You Have Other Blogs: i have a theme testing blog that is really just an excuse to keep the first url i wanted

16. Do You Get Asks: not really tbh, only a few when i do ask games

17. Why Did You Choose Your URL: because of Jooheons song Stay Strong and how much i love my bby and want him to be strong and face anything and everything with as much strength as he can

18. Following: 316 (shit thats a lot, my multifandom ass is a hoe)

19. Followers: 98 :> and i love every single one of you

20. Favorite Colors: blue, purple and black

21. Average Hours of Sleep: lol what’s sleep? never heard of it maybe 5 sometimes 12

22. Lucky Number: 4 :D

23. Instruments: i used to play the trombone in junior high?? i tried the guitar but i gave up :>

24. What Am I Wearing: uuuh, a shirt with an owl on it and sports shorts

25. How Many Blankets I Sleep With: 1

26. Dream Job: anything with computers tbh, but specifically maybe IT in a big company 

27. Dream Trip: around the world in 80 days 8D

28. Favorite Food: like, type? Chinese food, but i really love macaroni and mashed potatoes??

29. Nationality: Nicaraguan American??? (both my parents are from Nicaragua in central america but they moved to the u.s during the war, so i was born in the u.s. i know english mainly and spanish my mom taught at home)

30. Favorite Song Now: MIND CONTROL - TOPSECRET GUYS YOU GOTTA CHECK IT OUT, ITS SO CATCHY AND THE MV IS ADORABLY HILARIOUS

31. Name: Dawn on the internet rofl but my real name is Alexandra, i dont sue it online just cause it’s easier to use Dawn when that’s what i’ve used for the longest time

32. Orientation: straight as far as i know ;D

33. Relationship status: single af booooiiii that’s probably why holy

34. Biggest fear: not having a future :/

35. Fave movie: Anastasia

36. Fave fruit: peach

37. Fave season: spring baaaaabby

38. Fave flower: shit idk flowers, the classic rose it is

39. Fave scent: that brand new unopened album smell 8) jk i think its lavender or something

40. Fave animal: CATS <3333

41. Fave fictional character: The jooheon in my dreams probably the punisher

42. Favorite books: i dont read books any more but i sued to love the Maximum Ride series from James Patterson

43. Favorite beverage: Sprite or Boba

BTS themed asks: Would You Rather-  Monsta X themed asks: Would You Rather - (i decided to change it lmao)

- build a snowman with Jooheon OR have a snowball fight with Minhyuk  - get coffee with Wonho OR get ice-cream with Wonho - go to the cinema with Hyungwon OR the amusement park with Shownu - do a dance cover with Shownu OR sing a duet with kihyun - kiss Minhyuk OR cuddle Hyungwon - babysit with Kihyun OR dogsit with I.M - meet Minhyuk’s family OR have Wonho meet your family - film a commercial with Shownu OR film a sketch with Jooheon - hug Hyungwon OR hold hands with Kihyun  - go to paris with Minhyuk OR London with I.M - Film a drama with Jooheon OR do a photo shoot with Wonho - attend an award show with Kihyun OR wear couple t-shirts at the airport with Hyungwon - spend a lazy day with Hyungwon OR explore a city with Jooheon - fall asleep next to Shownu OR wake up next to Wonho i legit just ruined myself - have a fun picnic with Minhyuk OR a fancy date with I.M - have Wonho serenade you OR have kihyun sing you to sleep - have a dance party with Jooheon OR sing karaoke with Hyungwon - go camping with Shownu and I.M OR go to the beach with Kihyun and Jooheon - have a sleep over with the hyung line OR a birthday party with the maknae line - celebrate Halloween with Jooheon, Minhyuk and Kihyun OR Christmas with Shownu, Wonho, I.M and Hyungwon

shit i made that so hard for myself

i tag: @floofta-x @icedwonho @wonhosflower @jooheonster @kittyminhyuk @sweetheartwonho @1changkyvn @shownx @sh0wnu @warmwonho​

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #5: "his Kirby ass can shut the hell up” - Marie

Charlie being safe!? Yas. Good for me since he is part of my alliance.

An alice them challenge. Uh yass!! 🦑 i have the book so i can quickly look thru it and find people, items, food, and other stuff which is good for us. I dont want to go to tribal.

nicolegilmoreToday at 7:42 PM That was probably Kaleigh bc I would open messages and not answer them

that was about when we played before and she was part of a 3 person catfish. but funny enough it still applies to this game!!! love when she leaves me on read for 20 hours

So I feel good with my standing in this tribe tbh. I feel like I have made meaningful contributions to the tribe in challenges and have a good rapport with a few tribe members. Keaton and Marie might be the easiest too get out, even though I am aware that it makes me a threat but we been used to that feeling. Having the idol as extra security as well makes me feel good so eeeek. I just want too survive to merge and link up with new people and people who i know as well, and play off that. im super nervous but also excited, i just hope to god we win this immunity

At first I thought this Alice and wonderland challenge was going to be super fun an exciting. At first it was. Now its getting a little frustrating and annoying seeing Not Found (something along those lines). I'm hoping that our 28 items is higher than the other tribe's or at least being a tie. I want to avoid tribal still because still feeling sketch about this tribe.

Our search isnt doing too well. And nicole went missing and dont know she is. We have 28 items. Hopefully thats enough but i have a feeling in my stomach that it isnt and im scared. Dont want to go to tribal. Hope we win though. 🤞

if kirby does not tell me his great great great great grandmas waffle recipe hes done for. like why bring it up if ur not gonna share. ??? um we won immunity again and im so happy bc i dont want to go to tribal bc even tho there are MULTIPLE ppl i want out i dont want to risk it. stan list right now is dennis, naptime, matt, marie. everyone else? and matt and marie barely on there too... but um actually starting to like them and theyre more responsive now so love that! by the end of this game ill actually know things about alice in wonderland wooh!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay so this sucks. We all really tried hard and we only lost by 2 points which is so frustrating. Not to mention that Nick and Charlie couldn't even find anything at all. And now we're in a really shitty spot because sending Nick home would be an easy out but he possibly has this legacy advantage thing which he can use tonight and if that means he's safe than idk what to do because I have a strong alliance with the other 4 people on my tribe. Which means now we have to come up with a plan to make sure Nick feels safe and he doesn't use his advantage but we still put the majority of votes on him. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Okay I'm laying it on thick with Nick. Really trying to play the middle and see where his head is at. I think honestly chances are Nick will make it through this round but I want to make sure after the vote he still trusts me but he does use his Legacy Advantage. Brian and I are walking a very thin line.

Yas. We won immunity again! 🦑 Still on of the 3 people not go to tribal yet which is pretty awesome. I’m now hoping that Charlie, Sharky, and Brian can find a way to survive again. Don’t want to lose any of them. Hopefully we merge soon. Its going to be down to 12 people after tomorrow’s tribal. Only ones to really talk to me on this tribe is Dennis, Bryce, Keaton and sometimes Matt. Havent talked to much to Marie. And Nicole ive tried but ignored. If anything it would be cool to blindside Nicole at first tribal in the merge.

I think im going to talk game to keaton today and see if we could work together. And im also going to see what Bryce thinks about us working together as well. Im just nervous if tonight we do merge at tribal, i dont want to be first boot. I want to make it far in this game.

I don't know if my last confessional went through, so I'll just send another one in hehe...

I do feel like Charlie is going home this round because of his idol play last round, but it could also be Nick going or him using his Legacy Advantage and all that being gone.  I don't really know, but I want to make sure it ain't me and that's what's important.

As for other things... love Sharky, what a king.  Love Nathan, another king... Annabelle's really cool, ya... I love Charlie but he's still probably gonna die... and ya kjHDA... that's all I have to say...

Scared for merge because L O fucking L... that's going to be a mess.  It could be coming tonight, but I really do not know and I'm scared…

Keaton decides to call me inactive in the tribe chat but his Kirby ass can shut the hell up, he's just bitter I voted against him the first tribal and he's tryna put the target on my ass. Thank god we won the challenge because I don't know if I would've stayed. I have good relationships with Bryce Matt and Dennis but I don't know if that's enough to keep me.

So first off. Sorry for no video confessional. But not enough happened to bramble around and take 3 hours of my internet for uploading slow AF but here is a small summary of what happened to my game. Idolsearch: went to the tugley woods again. I guess you need a map to find your way through it, but what do i know D: Last tc: Charlie played his idol and mentioned publically that all of his old tribe knew about that idol anyways. What kind of made me a bit suspicious. Mainly because when he told me, he said that he really wants to work with me and thats why he is telling me this secret. I don't mind that the idol is gone, but if he told that everyone? mhm... I approached maynor to see if he knew and he said NO. so maybe I did a whoopsie? WHO KNOWS.

Eitherway. Anna announced a "live challenge" after this tribal (oh yeah we are safe again woo), but since we would be down to 12 I wouldn't be surprised if that "live challenge" is actually the merge announcement? If not. I think EVEN IF WE LOSE i should be in a decent position? Because Keaton couldn't keep his mouth shut and when it came to sitting someone out and called out Marie in the tribe chat. Bad move for him, good for me. Because even if we go to tribal unless someone really wants to target me for some reason it should be between those 2

Okay so we've come up with a slightly complicated plan. Looks like I'm going to lose Charlie this round which makes me kind of sad because I really get on well with him. But it's what i have to do to get further in the game. We're going to split the vote so The Dinah Dudes vote fro Nick. The OG Absolem people vote Charlie. Anna tells Nick he needs to use his Legacy Advantage so we get rid of that from the game. I just hope I come out of this without hurting Charlie or pissing off Nick.

AJ just used an emoji that CHANGED. MY. LIFE. It's like praying and trying to stay calm and then fire happens and it says BOI! And if that isn't a fucking mood idk what is!

Y'all I am so bad at this idol hunt. I keep choosing locations that don't even have choices. Yikes. Everybody else has advantages and shit and I'm just sitting in an empty meadow.

I’m sad we lost i actually tried for this because I didn’t want a complicated tribal but bleh Idk how this will work but I think it will work out for the best potentially if it goes the way I’m hoping. I loved this comp though the hosts did a great job with it. It was actually fun

With merge approaching I think that it’s important I remember I really don’t owe anything to the people on my tribe... they voted out Jayden and told me nothing and I think it’s time for some revenge.. all you people in the viewing lounge stay tuned... Ima show you why I’ve never not made a merge!

I’m not sure if it’s day 13, I’ve been safe every single round and I have absolutely no clue how I am doing that.....Dennis is my one and only ally. Hopefully it's merge time!

Honestly, I think I might be going home lol. Brian and Sharky are telling me Nick but no one else has messaged me. Severely regretting using my idol now lol.

Hope my bois have still got my back, even though I haven't been that helpful in challenges recently. I'm hoping it'll reduce my threat level for merge hehe

Ive been talking to Bryce and wants to work with me. This is great. So on this tribe i have Dennis and Bryce and perhaps even keaton. So just nervous for live challenge.

LAST MINUTE SCRAMBLING. Sounds like Nick is trying to flip the vote on Brian. he asked Nathan and Anna to flip off of Charlie. So Now Brian is worried (Which is totally fair) because he doesn't know if he can trust Anna. So even if Nathan/Brian/I stick to the plan, if she flips and Nick uses his advantage Brian goes home. So now he wants to flip his vote so worst case scenario it goes 2-2-2 and we can fix things on the revote. Ugh I hate scrambling. I prefer my tribals over easy.

Charlie is voted out 3-2.

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 4 Confessionals

RTP is a monster. Anyway, we fucking crushed that immunity. I wanted Jordan pines voted out. I've only ever played one org with him and he was my nemesis and I just don't have the mental capacity to deal with a nemesis in this one. Why couldn't Willa have done better

we won the music video.. and my ass edited a full video plus a roast after never using adobe premiere before so im pretty shook!! our tribe definitiely seems more... "kumbaya" than the other tribe which... eh. i want the drama! but other than that our tribes good. i def feel like ive been getting complacent with talking to people so im gonna start trying to ramp back up my social game to how it was in the first round hopefully?? i need to start talking more and making bonds. (not much i can really do though, willow katie and chris are on the bottom) i just have to ensure theyre still on the bottom and hopefully keep katie safe for me to work with?? willow and chris can go i guess. also charlotte can go too tbh. like id prefer me/bryce/zach/katie over me/bryce/zach/charlotte but a returnees alliance is easier to put together, so ill work with charlotte!! idk why i dont wanna work with her i just dont get a good vibe from her?? sounds dumb but im trying to trust my gut. and ... yeah not much has happened and i dont wanna make major waves just yet.

Free rice is so fun and not having to do grammar? Amazing! Hope I can do well in this challenge to show I'm useful. I feel like their isn't a lot of socializing happening on our tribe but I'm gonna try to change that. katieare propane torches dangerous? I want to go get one at home depot today. katiehere is my second confessional: charlotte seems chill I wonder if she will work with me in this game?

WILLA IS FINALLY GONE. God I can't believe he didn't compete in a single challenge and managed to not get first boot. We did Emma so dirty, I can't believe it, bring her back. Anyway, going in this reward challenge I'm not too fussed about whether we win or not, it would be nice to see what the Wishing Well is all about but eh, I'm not too fussed. Immunity is what I really want because now that we got rid of the dead weight I think the fingers may start to pointed at the winners AKA me and Jay. We have enough votes to tie it since Jordan is with us. We could potentially swing Adam but he's very much linked with Ryan who is linked with Lexi so it's...a mess. No tribal pls @ immunity gods!

Wow we won another challenge. Is the other tribe even trying? I didn't want to submit too much in case I seemed like a threat so I'm happy that I didn't do the most and we still won. I never find anything in the wishing well tho. Wish I knew who was picking the right number. But focusing on the positive, we won again!! ryan matthewi literally don't know what to do if we go to tribal. i won't want the full jordan pines experience to be blindsided by him. obviously lexi and i are a duo so im hoping we have options if that happens....

So I was looking over my Malaysia confessionals for some reason. What started as me trying to find my FTC speech turned into me reliving horrible and painful memories of Mitchell Kalabang calling me an idiot in many creative ways. Anyways, the reason I mention this is because I noticed that I made a lot of good, detailed confessionals in that game and I want to make sure I can do the same here for Athena. Well as of now, I think I'm in an okay position. I make a bit of chit chat with everyone now and again. I'll need to step that up today though just in case we go to tribal. I admit I've been slacking in my relationships with anyone who's name doesn't rhyme with Pordan Jines. I did congratulate Ryan on winning Kvaløya and told Adam that I'm not gonna vote him out, so that's something. Lexi also came to me and was like "I promise I'll do better on the challenge next time." Like I'm some authority on effort. Ryan probably told her that I was a little annoyed that no one tried in the video challenge. To sum it up, Jordan Pines will always be targeted before me so I am perfectly content letting him take the reins for the time being. I have decent relationships with Ryan and Adam. Lexi is with Ryan for sure. And Luke sketches me out just like every other game I've played with him. I hope we win immunity. 

So we need to win this immunity or we fucked. Like it just doesn't make sense to me. On this tribe we have me jay luke ryan and adam. In theory we should never lose a challenge, but theory is dumb and we lose everything. Like we've managed to keep a cohesive group that i honestly think genuinly likes each other but like, if we lose its all over. If we win this immunity we can hopefully swap and go into it 6-6 and maybe bring katie over to our side. If we lose however everything is done. We go into what may be a divided tribal and lose any hope of keeping a tight 6. We can't lose. Dear god let us win immunity BryceCurrently I'm worried about Zach/Charlotte but I still trust them just something to look out for. Hoping we can win this immunity but if not I think I'd want chris or willow out probably but I'd fall back on my alliance with Zach/Charlotte/Carson

So of course our next immunity is a typing challenge. With this other tribe as insanely fast at typing as they are, I'm really not liking our chances at winning this immunity. I've been pretty busy the past couple of days so I feel like I may be in trouble if we lose.

wait i did that wrong; Katie Shoots Target # sorry i wasnt here on time

I love nothing more than a true underdog story. Zach and Bryce came in the fucking CLUTCH and pulled out that win for us. I can't believe it. In all my days of winning immunity challenges with a tribe, this is probably my favorite one. I'm so happy. I genuinely like everyone on my tribe and I'm so happy we aren't splitting up. Cue RTP laughing at this confessional because we're probably gonna have a swap next.

LOOK AT US WINNING IMMUNITY. SAFETY IS A GOOD COLOR ON ULTA!!!!!

Like ik im probs jinxing something but this game is boring nobody wants to talk game. also everyone just ends conversations after they respond to how are you, and i try and make  small talk... like?? whatevs. im focusing on this game and i rlly wanna make merge. (also zach + bryce killed it woo i love them) nothing is rlly happening in this game which sucks. i predict that therell be a swap next round which is.. eh?? idk how i feel about that but im hoping i wont be swapfucked. (also i think im acc becoming good friends with zach and im happy hes gr8!!)

Wow me and Zach scoring all the points is good. I don't want to be seen as a challenge threat tho in case we swap and I'm somehow not in numbers. It's odd how like everyone hounds Jordan Pines and I can't tell if its jokingly or if hes enemy number 1 FJSDFHSJDF. I'm glad to not go to tribal and to have a 7-5 advantage. Whenever I talk to Willow we talk about nothing for like 2 minutes and thats it. Hasn't eaten meatloaf wish I were her, but hasn't had enchiladas? suspicious... Maybe shes vegan but even still how can I trust someone who doesn't know the goodness of an enchilada. Really wish I had some idea what was happening with the other tribe. Not being in a one world situation is different and I wish I could talk to them more to get a better picture seeing as how I'm going in blind if we swap/merge. Anyways that's all for now

I am well and truly fucked. I slept through all of my alarms last night and ended up missing the immunity challenge which we LOST. Guess what the agenda for the last two people who were voted off was? They didn't compete in challenges. Guess what I just didn't do? COMPETE IN A FUCKING CHALLENGE. God I'm so screwed. My only hope right now is that Jordan and Jay don't hate me enough to vote with me and try and break up the duo of Ryan and Lexi. I'm going to have to pray that Adam will want to work with me too otherwise the vote will tie and I do NOT trust Jay enough to go to rocks for me. Jordan might do that but I don't trust Jay at all to risk his life like that for me. I have a lot of work to put into today so...pray for me. 

WE WON IMMUNITYT! I'm so happy, i need to make two confessionals so this is one: im so happy i pulled through. I tried so hard to focus and make sure we didn't go to tribal because genuinely I like everyone on our tribe andd i'd feel bad voting anyone tbh. im not best socially right now and i think i need to use this time critically. I PROMISE ILL MAKE BETTER ONES NEXT ROUND HEHE

tribe assessment: bryce-  iconic king. he's good at challenges, and i think him and i are semi close. i'm down for working w him and i think he's a good asset carson - my favourite i guess? im closest to him, him and i talk a LOT, and he's super fun and social. i'm a lil worried down the road ideally because of his social game, but for now he's an ally charlotte - her and i are in two games together, so it's risky. i trust her and like her, but our social game w/ one another isn't like phenomenal or anything. She is super sweet Chris - Like... him and I talk a fair amount, not a lot, but he's super cool. I love his puppy (or whoevers puppy that is) and i think he's super sweeet katie - similar as Chris. her and I dont talk a LOT but shes really cool and i think she's a good asset challenge-wise. willow- i love her she's so sweet but she never replies (or often, at least) so RIP! I do think ill end up working w her down the road though, she's a queen -- overall i do like everyone so going to tribal would be awful because i have to vote one out. BUT, theres been speculation on an upcoming swap too... so that's intense. but, nonetheless, im here for twists!

Nope. Thats all i got to say. Like we should have won that. and we didnt and now im mad. And we had a good group of 6 like it was the perfect group of people. But no. We now have to go down to 5 and fuck this up. So thanks RTP. Thanks a lot. Adam might go, he might now? i dont know. I dont care. Just give us a win please.

I'm trying to get the vote on Adam and I feel like even tho jay and Jordan agreed, just the way their talking to me making sure everything's alright with the plan and the fact Adam hasn't tried to PM me I feel like they're just lying

Ok so this is my immunity challenge confessional. We never win reward so i knew we were probably doomed and will never see the wishing well. but i didnt really care about reward. NOW FOR IMMUNITY. im alittle nervous because i feel like since we got rid of the non actives i'm the next in line. So i did my best for the immunity challenge. I mean i got 2 out of the 4 points we scored so i did half the work which in my opinion shows i care a bit. we were in the lead and then the other tribes whole fucking tribe comes out of nowhere and kicks our ass and im just like .....bye

Ok this is my before tribal council confessional. So after we lost ryan created an alliance with me,himself,jay, and jordan. which ok i dont trust jordan that much but i gotta take what i can get. They all want adam out even tho luke didnt do shit for the challenge. Which i like adam but not enough to try to switch the vote. So i prevoted adam but ryan and i feel like some shady shit may happen and one of us will go since people know were best friends. I'll raise hell if ryan goes and hopefully he'd do the same if i go. But i guess we'll see

Man this idol is gonna be so hard to find asdjkfadjsk wish their were hints to it AdamIt sucks that we lost the challenge. I didn't help much more than trying a few times in the beginning. I think I'll like it better when I can do individual challenges, cuz then I only have me to do the challenge so if I don't do it its just skin off my back. I have to make it there first, and that requires good relations with my tribemates, so I can't slack off anymore if I want to maintain that. I hope a swap comes soon, but not with the numbers stacked against Copa tribe members :/

I don't know what I'm going to do about tribal. I voted Luke but it really blows that we lost because I really liked all my teammates. I guess that's on me, maybe I shoulda done better and then we wouldn't be down a tribemate. Consequences and junk. I hope I'm not getting blindsided. I wouldn't put it past Jordan but it seems early in the game for that when we could be really good allies. Just depends if he trusts me I guess. I'm a loyal as fuck though, so I'm gonna make Jordan my main bitch this time. Only depends on if I'm his main bitch. Let's see if we go far together

Hahahahahahahahahahaha I found the idol. But its like one world style or w/e b/c I found the copa idol. And I had to give it to someone without knowing them and without them knowing i sent it. Thats unfortunate b/c I could bond with them but I guess if me and Luke are ever on the same tribe I can let him know and work with him. I was thinking Zach and Charlotte were really close but Charlotte didn't know about the idol map so maybe they aren't. But yaa I just asked my alliance to tell me who to give it to because I have no idea about any of those people having never played with them. Carson initially wanted me to give it to Jay O but then I decided to ask my whole alliance for input to try to make it seem like I'm close with them and want to stay together, which I did. And that's when they said lets give it to Luke. Also Anyone But Jordan Pines 2k17 which made me laugh

OKAY! I FORGOT TO DO ONE BUT ITS RIGHT AFTER TRIBAL SO HERE I AM! Adam is gone. Good. Me, Pines, Ryan, and Lexi are aligned. Meh, at best. If we lose, the original group of me Pines and Luke will split up their duo. Go us!

Did I do a confessional already? I have no idea. I'm in three games. Sue me. We won immunity this week so TBH I stopped paying attention after that happened. BUT HEY, APPARENTLY YOU CAN SEARCH FOR IDOLS AND I DIDN'T KNOW OOPS. Fuck, I'm the worst. How am I still here?