#theyre all in a polyam relationship

[eepyism]

dropping this and running away

[littlemoondarling]

Okay fine I'll admit it

I have a crush on both Griffith and Casca

[chapst1ckmcdyke]

Im abt ready to delete all dating apps forever 😤

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

okay, so ive got a weird one

WIBTA for basically anonymously harassing someone who was into me?

i (15x) stopped being friends with these two people, who i will call grape (19x) and celery (17m) around half a year ago. celery cheated on my best friend mango (17x) with grape for apparently the whole time they were dating. celery is polyam, but never said anything about him and grape. i know he had to have been going behind mangos back, because ive had conversations with him about not telling one of your partners about another partner being cheating (this was a conversation initiated by him. he literally agreed.)

now. i knew celery vaguely in middle school, and our relationship was strictly platonic, established on both sides. he said i was too young for him, and mango also took that stance. this is where it gets a little weird.

i met grape when i was 13. they were 17. theyre just a year ahead of me in school, but they failed a grade and i skipped one. its basically the same gap between a freshman and a senior.

around may of this year, before school ended, they confessed that theyd been into me for a very long time. i asked how long, and they couldn’t even count. the whole thing threw me off. we had a lot of casual intimacy before this (being really, really close to each other; they laid their head on my lap a few times) and i never thought different of it because 1. our whole little group was autistic and me, celery, and grape were all very casual with touch and 2. im aro and grape admitted to being arospec, which made me more comfortable around them because i was sure they understood!

grapes mom had even approached me about this at an event once, saying i was far too young for them and giving the implication that i was into grape. i dismissed this very quickly.

after the celery/mango incident, mango & i were still friends with grape despite them also hanging out with celery. shortly after the grape incident, i cut complete contact with grape and mango basically did as well.

none of this is what im wondering if im the asshole about. i dont care too much.

what i think i could be the asshole about is sending an anonymous drug search to grapes house. i know theres definitely a bunch there and i cant call them on the other illegal shit like being into minors, so im sure i could get them back another way. think of it as a treat. besides, it doubles as payback for celery cheating on mango, because grape and celery are still disgustingly close emotionally and physically and i dont want celery to think that just because he butts into my conversations with other people that we’re ever anywhere close to being friends again. wibta?

What are these acronyms?

[ataleofcrowns]

x and d are my two absolute favorite love interests, theyr also my two favorite characters. they have such chemistry together i feel like if i wasnt romancing one of them theyd def get together at some point. on that note; what would a poly route look like with them? like hypothetically?

I've mentioned before that LIs who you don't romance may end up together as the game goes on, so there's that 👀

As for what their polyamorous relationship is going to look like: an absolute flaming trainwreck. And I don't mean that in the way of them being toxic to each other, they both hold a very genuine respect for each other beneath all the bickering, and their banter will always stay good-natured no matter how much X annoys D (affectionately)

But, X is keeping a lot of secrets, and some of those secrets might have a very direct impact on not only the Crown, but on D as well. Kind of the inverse of an A/X polyamorous relationship where A is holding a big secret with a direct impact on X.

I won't say anything more than this, though, since that would be spoiler territory 🤐

But other than that, yeah, I envision a D/X polyam route is going to end up very spicy, in a variety of different ways...

[thistlerockcaster]

road to el dorado is THE reason im polyamorous btw. if anyone cares

the writing never paints chel as evil or as if she "steals" tulio from miguel. the conflict comes from miguel feeling neglected by tulio first and foremost. even when miguel and tulio are actively breaking up, miguel doesnt treat chel as the problem. he never blames her for tulio betraying his trust, and its shown several times throughout the movie that miguel likes chel! theres no weird jealousy between miguel and chel over tulio's attention; miguel's issue is tulio not taking his feelings or desires into account and trying to make decisions for the group without consulting him. the closest he gets to blaming chel is during the scene where he overhears her and tulio planning for her to come to spain with them, and even then what miguel focuses on is tulio saying "forget miguel". he doesnt paint it as chel convincing tulio to leave him behind, he sees it for what it is: a disregard of miguel by tulio bc tulio takes him for granted.

idk yall its just. polyam rep for bi characters (like tulio 1000000% is) in media seems to always fall into the same pitfalls that cr1 vaxleth/vaxilmore did for me, which is an assumption that partners will by default be prioritized into the "real" partner and the "extra" one, when that is so often not the poly experience. and, like in the case of vaxleth/vaxilmore, it is almost always the same sex pairing in the polycule that gets labeled the "extra" by the source material AND fandom. but road to el dorado doesnt do this!!! not only are miguel and chel's relationships with tulio treated with the same gravity and weight, but miguel and chel's relationship is given weight as well! chel isnt just an opposing force to miguel, shes an opposing force to both of them. she balances out both miguel and tulio and that allows them all to work better. at the end of the movie, chel is the one who inspires spontaneity and a true sense of adventure in both miguel and tulio, something that they lack the ability to truly tap into early on in the film when theyre working alone.

[bisexualmcqueen]

I had a few questions about your apocalypse au!!

Are there any definite relationships? what happened to Sally and the rest of the townsfolk? And do any of the current characters that are alive die later on?

😈hehehe apocalypse au

so the first thing to know is that apoc au falls in line with my longstanding polyam bi salqueen hc. they are both in multiple healthy consenting relationships with different dynamics. fran/sal/queen is a thing, mchicks is a thing, etc. theyre all queer and all respectful mature adults, they have a lot of love to give, and theyre having a lot of fun!

-What happened to Sally?

in apoc au tho, sally dies very sadly early on. she survives the blast initially and is coherent enough to say her goodbyes, but her injuries take her within a week or so. 996's have an infamous catostrophic engine failure point and are notorious for blowing up, so her odds werent great. with the entire planet in chaos, its hard to help survivors at all...

-Are there any definite relationships?

the main relationship of apoc au winds up being... lightning/chick. yep. chick is visiting his old 'pal' in radiator springs (lightning and cruz stopped home for some rare downtime during the busy season) when it all goes to hell. everyone dies, and 1 billion metric tons of trauma later, chick and lightning accidentally wind up codependent. (cant blame them!).

so far, lightning has 2 other relationships in apoc au. jackson survives, and decides to not sit on his longtime crush on lightning anymore on account of the world being massively fucked up, and confesses his feelings. i also have an oc in development, a medic named Dr. Amiyah Sparkwright who shares feelings with lightning also. both of them dont appear til later in the story, after the characters start to rebuild. all of them are too traumatized to be super serious though... the angst ;,,)

-What happened to the rest of the townfolk?

the rest of the townfolk died pretty much instantly, save for mack, who also died slower. i guess its sort of like a thanos snap? except the bodies dont vanish. chick, lightning, and cruz bury them when they realize no one is coming to save anyone.

-Do any of the main survivors die later?

and do any of the main cast die... spoilers!! but yes, chick dies about 15-20 years in. initially, in the early-early drafts back in 2019ish, chick died only a few years in. changing this and adding him to the main party has shifted everything- his chaos-loving spirit, tricky resourcefulness, and boundless rude comedy are exactly what the story needed. combine that with the pacifist/optimist cruz and the endlessly loving determination and charm of lightning, and its an incredibly fun dynamic. that, and they're all hardened survivors now- big changes happen to these characters, and part of the fun is exploring that (or, how theyve stayed the same despite the changed world!).

to be fair to chick, hes like, 70 by the time he dies, so he does pretty well. Non has a list of ideas on how chick goes, and i love them all too much to decide, tho i am a big fan of him being murdered on a failed supply run. a few other minor characters will also die, oc's and canon. and i havent decided what happens to cruz and lightning yet, i'm not sure if it matters, they may live to old age!

very excellent specific questions- hope this answers them. thanks for the ask!

[polyamorouscultureis]

Not culture but gosh I love how being polyamorous teached me to not be jealous and to be more chill about relationship stuff. Like most people would think being polyam and a jealous person will make you even more jealous- but nah!! It helps!

I just love that I can watch my partners being in love with each other and I can think theyre cute instead of being jelly, cause I trust both of them that they love me still. And like, when I happen to feel jealous (because it's a human emotion, of course even poly people experience it) I don't make a scene, I just ask for attention, it's not hard at all!

And that makes me wonder why the hell some non-poly people are so harsh about that kinda stuff. Like I see them making scenes when they're jelly, or not trust their partners at all when they have friends... And im just glad being polyam teached me to stop being like that

Yes!! I feel as though being polyam has made me a much better partner overall - better at communicating, better at compromising, better at wearing my heart on my sleeve. It takes a lot of practice to get comfortable speaking your mind, and relationships tend to require it. It gets so much easier over time :)

[apocalypsegay]

if anything "astarion cant handle a nonmonogamous relationship" coming from minthara and shadowheart says as much abt them as it doesn't abt astarion. these are the two girlies who have been p much trained to see the worst in everyone, especially if it's exploitable, and wouldnt be in a position to see astarion's growth all that intimately

although theyre not wrong that astarion couldnt handle a polyam relationship with Them they'd for sure make him explode into smithereens

[dmbakura]

i dont disagree with you but i must say that just because other characters say something about astarion it doesnt mean its not a valid reading of his character, at least at that point in time. like, yeah, by real life real person standards no one can read someone else accurately, but its a story so those lines are there for a reason. to me it seems theyre meant to be taken as accurate readings of his psyche, given hes not trying to put up the facade of a, as they more or less put it, "a fragile flake of snow". if the story was trying to make a point about sh/minthara wrongly making assumptions about astarion, i dont think its apparent, although it could have flown over my head tbf.

whether or not those lines were well thought out or not given the halsin situation in act 3 is something else entirely (or that perhaps hes at a healthier stage in act 3), maybe someone could even argue that his writer(s) didnt supervise those minthara/sh lines but personally i dont agree with looking at the writing process that way, but i understand why someone might get contradicting ideas about astarions stance on tav having several partners if they heard those lines.

sorry if my thoughts are a bit disjointed, im not great at words.

See, I think Minthara and Shadowheart are RIGHT about Astarion (ie that he is a lot more fragile than he lets on/might not be willing to share) but the thing is Astarion more or less says the exact same thing about Shadowheart in return (that she's not ready for a relationship like that) and I don't see anyone saying she isn't actually poly because another character clearly knows her better than she knows herself. Why does that only happen with Astarion?

Like being real here, none of the characters at the point in the story are ready for real relationships! They're all going thru it! It's been like 2 weeks and they barely know each other! And if we're taking it as a game that's not written in a vacuum, then no fucking shit they're not gonna let you date 2 origin characters at once. I said this on Twitter but its pretty obvious why the polyamory is confined to Halsin and why it's more of a triangle than a full threesome, because I have 0 fucking clue how you'd even fully implement it in the game with a romance system like this.

I'm not trying to come across like I'm mad at you or anything, I see your point, but i feel like in this case it's people's unconscious biases against polyam relationships overwriting like. Basic logic and reasoning. The game is massive and complex. There's contradicting info and unreliable narration all over the place because it's a story and that's how complex stories work. I'm not really gonna be impressed by someone's literary analysis skills if they can piece together that Astarion's arc is about figuring out what he really wants and reclaiming his trauma, yet SOMEHOW also think his character development is permanently frozen in act 2 where he's at his most insecure and that he's completely incapable of expressing what he really wants. That is not meaningful examination of the work to me.

[polyamorousmood]

im in a long distance poly relationship with two partners- one of which being a newer relationship. me and my other partner have been open about polyamory from the start, but theyre slow to warm up to people so me getting in another relationship was out first step into that. my new partner is also poly, and has a close friend that he's participated in some 3somes with, as well as just friend sex together. i already told him i was fine for he and this friend to continue that, and i still feel fine with that. they had that dynamic before we started dating, and i trust this other guy will take care of him, which is all that was important to me about it.

recently, that friend and a girl hes seeing visited my partner, and it became pretty obvious to me that hes attracted to this girl. at the time when he was telling me about this, i was PMS-ing hard core, and definitely started feeling anxious and jealous over this. it is my first polyam relationship, and as i said before, my older partner hasnt shown interest in anyone else yet.

i was asked how i felt about the flirting he was doing with this girl, and i gave my boundaries, and opened up about some of my nerves. he was very sweet about it (i love him), and didnt cross any of the lines i had set. im not worried about him doing that. however, i think my feelings of hormonal jealousy and sadness might have created a worry for him that im not okay with what he does with other people- i think this due to something he said the other night when i was upset for a different reason (still hormonal).

do you have any advice for ways i can try to ease his worries about my comfort with our relationship? to clarify, what i want to convey is that im alright with him continuing this friend sex, and i dont mind the new flirting and cuddling he does with this other girl. i dont think i would be comfortable with him having sex with her until i met her though, if that is something he wants. there is currently talk between us right now already of making a group chat so i can meet the girl and his friend, he said they both really want to meet me too.

i hope this is coherent lol its been a crazy few days with my emotions being everywhere and mood swings being crazy.

Hi there. 👋

do you have any advice for ways i can try to ease his worries about my comfort with our relationship?

What's wrong with just telling him?❓❓ Like, "I think my feelings of hormonal jealousy and sadness might have created a worry for [you] that im not okay with what [you do] with other people [and I just wanted to reassure you that] im alright with [you] continuing this friend sex, and i dont mind the new flirting and cuddling [you do] with this other girl" seems like a great start. You're really overthinking this. You Can Just Say The Things You Feel.

And I already think your wording was pretty good👍: names your feelings, explains why you're clarifying, let's him know what future conditions might cause this thing that's not a problem to seem like a problem again, reassures him, etc.

Like you should also back it up by, for example, Being Chill😎 when you meet the new girl. But this is for real a case where the shortest route between two points is s straight line. just say it, lol. 😂

[boatemlag]

like omg we get it polyam relationships can be just as toxic and bad and evil and harmful and fucked up as monogamous and traditional relationship structures. Because theyre normal fucking relationships. U all realize u sound like reactionary conservatives saying gays shouldnt get married right

[victor-aguilar]

RIGHT RIGHT ???? IK WHAT IM TALKING ABT WHEN IT COMES TO THE CHASITYS

I personally think. They aren’t homophobic, infact they r queer themselves :3 Mark & kar r polyam & bi, Grace is an aro lesbian! :3

Also mark & Karen have such an sweet & healthy relationship. It’s. The cutest thing ever <3 greatest family in hatchetfield <3

LITERALY YEHA YOU DO

REAL pls stop demonizing the chasitys bc theyre religious

also REAL polyam parents aro lesbian grace REAL

literally u r so right abt all kf this

[jengarie]

I probably won't be specific BC the mdzs fandom can go pretty feral about pairings (other than wangxian, and even then 👀) but I am a huge polyam shipper, like wow you can absolutely tell I myself am polyam.

Mostly lwj focused relationships, he's my guy and I've always been a multishipper.

LOVE the Xianle trio/quartet, how do you have such impeccable taste

ah, that's fair. i have seen glimpses of how the fandom can get about certain ships, especially those that "break up" wx ;;;

YO. rarepair, polyam, multi-shipper????? 🤝🤝🤝 my fav characters also tend to be the ones i have the most ships of too LOL wx truly has been the one rare exception, like theyre really the only ship i care about in mdzs and i'm not even 100% sure why that turned out to be JMFIKDJKD

AND YESSS i love xianle trio/quartet so much!!!! so many interesting dynamics and heavy history between all of them LOL

[77ngiez-archive]

comes in all soggy and gross dgr style . junko mukuro 😁😁

OH HELL THE YEAH

junko i think has a very complex relationship with gender and has never figured herself out in full. she definitely presents very hyperfeminine and does enjoy it to some extent but shes kind of not made much effort to branch out. honestly i think shed be genderfluid spec?

as for orientation would it be insane for me to say pan. i think she falls fast and falls hard. polyam <3 and maybe acespike/aceflux too. i dont think shes aro but i think when she was younger she was fairly averse to romance despite being romantically attracted. probably a trauma thing. i think her aversion lessens as she gets older/works through it but it never truly leaves

mukuro has always struck me as transmasc nb 💪 i can never decide between he/she or they/them for them, lotta times depends on my mood. for simplicitys sake ill use they/them here. i think they had a lot of confusion around their gender when they were younger bcs like, growing up as a mercanary, they spent a lot of time around some very """manly""" men, who in some ways treated them like "one of the guys" but in other ways would often point out their gender. once they get out of fenrir i think they begin binding [possibly without junkos knowledge?]. they would get top surgery if they lived to adulthood trust

orientation i think theyre aspec? if i had to be specififc id say aegosexual and cupioromantic. fem pref. i think they likely repressed their sexuality for a while, again for mercenary reasons, but junkos being very open [at least to nuku] abt being queer kinda leads them to be like "oh. ok.. maybe this wasnt as shameful as i thought..". the one time junko is a good influence on them fr /j

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover Friday..... but on a Sunday? I could use some advice if you're willing!

I have a lot of anxiety around a potential meta who I feel like is playing games with with my partner and waffling between if she's ready for a relationship at all, even if it's just casual which is what my partner wants from her. I have generalized anxiety disorder and I suspect borderline personality disorder because I believe my partner is my favorite person. Theyre very good at reassuring me that they always love me, won't leave me, and nothing about us will change regardless of who else they're seeing and I believe them. I've gotten better at keeping myself busy when he's busy or with someone else and doing affirmations and coping/self soothing but I still get worked up sometimes and would really like advice for what to do when all else fails. I don't get this anxious when my other partner goes on dates and they feel limited by what they can do because of how intense my anxiety gets.

I really don't want that for both the sake of their freedom and the sake of my peace so any advice would be amazing 💖

It can be really hard to be polyam and bpd with someone who is an FP, or at least someone who is something like that.

Personally, if my FPs who I’m with in some way ever want to try polyamory, I will just break up with them because I cannot handle it.

I’ve def held my FPs back before, and have encouraged them to break up with me too if I’m ever too much.

All you can do is provide support and advice/raise concerns when it comes to a relationship that isn’t yours, even if you’re also dating the person.

As for things that help me, what helps best is having some sort of media/hobby (a show, a book series, a craft, a game, etc.) to do/consume when my FPs (that I’m dating) aren’t around. Something that’s mine and they aren’t connected to. Something they have no interest in doing with you, or a show they have no interest in watching, etc. Having something that is “yours” only really helps me.