#theyale
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im actually really worried that im not that interested in &j anymore like ivd been having a hard time writing about it and talking about it online and i mean i talk about it a lot irl but idk like people have been knowing more than me and im starting to feel so incredibly inferior that it's hard for me to enjoy it
#im in this group chaf and im the only one there that doesnt live in new york snf doesnt know any og them irl and theyall know more and see#it a lot and know about the swing order and i dont and ive been feeling so bad about it and it's been so hard for me and then i have friends#that are clearlv better at fandom in general than me so theyre better at characterisation so if i get criticisrd i just feel Terrible and i#havent properly wtitten in ages caude ive been so worried about my characterisation cause a friend very gently criticised me on my character#isation like 2 months ago and i really look up to this person so now i just cant Do anything#and also the thing that they eere pointing out wad more anothrr friend's thing that i didn't even Like much but if someone talks enough i#can be persuaded to anything and also because im just terrified do i#'ll go along with literally anything just because i dont want poeple to hate me#and it's ruining my enjoyment and i mean i made an au and i was hoping that that would make it so that i could maybe write again but nobody#carrd so now i judt cant#i feel so broken right now#also people that were meant to be &j friends are now friend friends and i mean thats Fine#but i cant! handle it!!!#i cant talk about other things unless it's My other things#and i especially cant talk about five nights at freddy's because i used to be hyperfixated on that so now that im.not i just cant! talk abou#t it! or hear about it!!!#not to mention that that game fucking destroyed my life when i was 9 because everyone liked it but i didn't know what it eas anf they wouldn#t explain so now i judt CANT hear about it!!!!!!#i cant do it i cant. do this#i miss when it brought me so much joy but now i hate talking about it online and i cant do it anymore#i can't pretend to care i can't keep being an &j blog even though i do love it!!!! but i feel so insecure and inferior that i just cant!!!!!#i hate this so mcuh im sorry i needrd to get this out#i dont have anything interesting to say anymore and i mean there's also just like. the whole being autistic thing and not wanting peopel to#judge me for my interests which they have my whole life and now it's too much and i cant care this much anymore. i just can't#i dont have anything to contribute either i cant draw and i can't write anymore and i just dont know what to do#sorry
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I like how the Doctor's response to missing his granddaughter was to sleep a lot and then pick up the next autistic young adult he found
#I say young adult I have no idea how old Vicki is supposed to be like theyall her 'child' and girl but this is the 60s she could be any age#doctor who#one#the rescue
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imgoijgnyto lose it
#infodump mod_#isthat another person up#ifeel insane. i feellike thefuckugnjoker .#imgingnto lose it guys im so close.literally i have nobody but thesekids and peoplejust keep wakingup and making itharder for me to even.#like. make themhidden bc if themore of these guys know thenwe are in trouble with the shittybbureau. im so close. to loseing it.#and i have nobody to tell.#theyall left me.#i have nobody to tell and would anyone even hear.?#nobody look#<- does it matter. at this point. whatever.
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just thought about how bad luffy mustve missed everyone during timeskip like he truly had it the hardest like damn 😭😭😭
#bleghh in my head he hugged zoro and zoro had to pretend to be normal about it#usopp deserves one too#and chopper#and nami#and robin#and#okay theyall did#i feel sick#strawhat cuddle pile? ⁉️👀 strawhat cuddle pile tonite queen? 👀🧐👆⁉️#i wish post wano after theyve all bathed and eaten and partied they just all had a big sleepover (did not fucking happen)#unggh.. unghfhh.. luffy loves his crew#.txt
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I have drawn so much fucking madness combat ihave genuinely forgotten how i draw regular human faces im so fucking serious oh my lord
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so that cover huh
#henry.txt#this is the outfit from the cover<3#IT WENT SO HARD#im listening to it on repeat for hours#PLEASELISTEN TO IT ITS SO GOOD THEYALL WORKED SOHARD ON IT im so normal#holotempus#gavis bettel#vtubers#henrys fanart moments
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only good comment about my appearance made to me:
- this hairstyle is great on you
- weirdly enough your acne fits your face
- I'd hit that if you wore a paper bag on your head to hide your face
- don't ya think she looks good bend over from behind? (about me to other person in the room)
- you maybe would look cuter than 'other person name' if not for your nose
- oh wow your eyes are so much bigger without glasses
- various comments about how big my tits are
#rambling#walked past the mirror and saw my reflection and it hit me that i was never truly complemented on my appearance#and any commnt made about how good by body looks was made during the period of time i was starving so they dont really count#its the reason i never had sex while sober#i dont think i actually can#and i dont think the other person can have sex with me while theyre sober#and even like that i had an attempted rape moment#funny enough it happened while other person was drunk and i was sober and also they come up to me from behind#ahsgshags its kinda hilarious#mind ya theyall werent mean or said in bad faith like half of them are jokes#they still hurt me because they were the only kinda positive comments made about my appearance
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When I die I'll kill God with my bare hands tearing every fiber of it's being till its no more and only I remain
#friedrants#everything is too much again i feel like i know what they are all thinking#how much theyall want to tear open my skin#i feel the fiber of my mucles ache to be opened so i can prove my own reality#every inch of this skin tingles in fear for an insect has desecrated it ince again#i hate myself so so much i just want to put an end to it all im so tired#self h@rm#su1c1dal#s3lfharmm#$hblr#su1c1d4l#mentally fucked#actually mentally ill
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deans chapter in twelve is actually killing me MY BABY UGH I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM AND ALL OF THEM THEYALL NEED BIG HUGS
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Stop I thought I was all that taking bathroom selfies at this party then theyall look like this
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do you thibk ccs get the period cramps they project on to them like did bodil40 get all of those pwriod cramps i projected when i was 14 or do you think likw five years of them just hit them all at once. so say i project my cramps onto bodil40 like i said earlier and then captainsparklez and then dantdm and then fuckin. um. idk. philza i guess. do theyall get all of them at once or do they progressively happen as they get projected on to them
i think it'd be fun if they got them all at once imagine having to say sorry i wasn't able to post/stream i got knocked out for a few days because of unbelievable cramps idk where they came from
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mid night whiny ramble abt my bs
i fuckn kno bettr than 2 trust nobody atp. esp irl. i got my homie & fiance & ain’t nobody else i should let round. stoppd talkn 2 th guitarist all tgethr & been cuttn out evrybody i can. reconnectd lots of ol friends th past week r so, but jst like that theyall gettn ghostd again. i evn debate keepn in touch w th fostrs i been tryna stick by. i evn ghostd this girl who's workd hr ass off gettn into touch w me & we been tryna work through th shit we went through tgethr, but i jst can't do it no mor. mb i'm a selfish asshole fr it & mb i'm irresposible coz i'm not gonn take th blame, but point it elsewhere. i spent yrs fightn tooth & nail fr th fuckr, swearn we'd b brothrs. he was a good fuckn keyboardist 2, taught me evrything i kno abt playn synths & shit. got distant from him like i did evrybody else. Dev & my sis died within months each othr, stoppd talkn 2 ppl aftr th funerals. but we got back 2 talkn aftr partyn at th trap tgethr. he wantd 2 b back in my life . i welcomd him back on in & days latr he's got me pinnd on th kitchen floor & has his way w me. i shoulda seen it comn. been fuckd ovr enuff it shouldn't b a surprise. it shouldn't hurt no mor. i love my fiance, but evn she ain't once care 2 make sure i felt comfortable or OK w sex. so it shouldn't hurt no mor. i should b usd 2 it. should like sex atp but i still only have vry vry selective & short spurts of enjoyment but othrwise it makes me feel sick & usd. he fuckn knew that 2. he sat w me through bad trips & break downs ovr th sexual abuse i been through. fr fucks sake aftr i was assaultd by my adoptd dad th 2nd time, i stayd th night at that fuckn keyboardist's place. he fuckn took care me aftr i'd been sexually assaultd then went & did th same 2 me. how am i sposd 2 trust anybody else 2 come back in my life aftr that? they're all fuckn sick & no mattr how they swear they forgivn me i kno they havent & they all jst out 2 hurt me
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theyall think im a fucking freak
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Do you have any ideas on what the counselors would do/be like post-canon?
i actually don't have much thought on this unfortunately ): im not very creative with this sort of thing
BUT. i will share this:
im a sucker for a kaitlyn/abi/emma relationship but realistically i just cant see them maintaining anything unless what happened at the firepit is addressed! abi doesnt necessarily seem like the person to be immediately outright with her grievances (esp relationship wise) but we DO see her finally snap a bit w/ emma in the storm shelter. so like. YES they absolutely have more to worry abt and deal w/ (especially after enduring that night), but!!!!! i hate that theyall never talk abt the goddamn CATALYST of the night's events! they teamed up on abi and that should be talked about more! and you cant tell me that abi doesnt feel like ??? a bit betrayed and shit by kaitlyn and emma?
however the self indulgent side of me thinks they remain together. esp as a trio. i also don't think really any of the romantic relationships among the counselors last
also see kaitlyn and emma sticking together if abi is killed. i have more depth opinions on this but. they feel connected through guilt i think
but yeah. in my heart all the characters remain close / keep in touch after the game but i unfortunately dont see how realistic that is. especiallt since most of them only really knew each other for 2 months before this night
i can of course see laura and max sticking together, i have a feeling after ALL THAT, they feel like they cant NOT be together yk? i also think the severity of the situation and laura's own actions actually finally hit her once shit settles down. and what Travis subjected them to. i think after a bit of being away from camp and away from the hackett's, things finally hit her and they hit her. hard. like. this girl will definitely need some therapy. but at the same time. who is she to turn to? i bet she would feel bad for using max as her therapist, so she probably avoids it as best she can. but theres really no one else she can turn to bc they just wouldn't understand
#mine#text#asks#jeyfeather1234#the quarry#kaitlyn ka#emma mountebank#abigail blyg#laura kearney#max brinly#thank you very much for the ask!!!!! i always appreciate you sending stuff in :]#i dont really have much to say and i thought i had more but#i guess ill just reblog and add more if i come up w/ anything hehe#my TQ tag#my kaitlyn tag#my emma tag#my abi tag#my laura tag#my max tag#TQ#my thoughts
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I want kaname toujo in a overseas trip with his dream unit and theyall togetherr happy like HiMERU spp w jfjf You knowyou know
Happy crazy B climax event
#it's 5 am who letme takemyphone solate wnwwdf#im just using this blog cuz it's funnier sorry#also youknow guys I got a bunny lately i'm a parental figure now#also busy later i'll post#byeebyee goodnait (gooddayalready)
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theyall live in a big house and the house is called the beehive btw. Dont ask how they all got there noteven god knows
#worst apartment complex ever#gush#ill figure out whos next to who eventually and if anyones roomies. could see a garcieannievivi roomies situation
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