#they still hurt me because they were the only kinda positive comments made about my appearance

[kinokochouchou]

only good comment about my appearance made to me:

- this hairstyle is great on you

- weirdly enough your acne fits your face

- I'd hit that if you wore a paper bag on your head to hide your face

- don't ya think she looks good bend over from behind? (about me to other person in the room)

- you maybe would look cuter than 'other person name' if not for your nose

- oh wow your eyes are so much bigger without glasses

- various comments about how big my tits are

[pawberri]

thank you for all the posts you've made, your takes are always so refreshing to hear.

I want to know your thoughts (if it's okay with you, you can also totally ignore this) about all the "men hate" I see online. like I (poc transmasc non-passing) get it, there are genuine societal gender problems. transmisogyny does exist-women face more challenges than men do. but it genuinely hurts when women, especially trans women, think it's funny/quirky to call men trash or say they want all men dead or whatever. idk I just am hoping someone else understands, you know?

There's a lot of nuances to this question. First, I just want to caution against focusing too much on trans girls as the perpetrators of this. A lot of the asks I get from trans men seem to really fixate on trans women as the perpetrators of hard line gender essentialism. I really think trans girls are not the main people we should be focusing on here. If a trans woman is saying this stuff, take the time to analyze her ideology outside of that pithy comment and consider how much trauma and how little power she has in the world. That said, trans women are affected by this kind of ideology just like us, and they rarely have the power to wield it against others in the way cis people can. I know it hurts to feel isolated by your own community, but that kinda gets into my second point.

Part of dealing with this is learning an impulse progressive cishet dude have had to get used to over the decade. Sometimes, "men are trash" or even "kill all men" are not literal phrases. They are things women say when they're in the throes of trauma to vent their frustration. "Men are trash" in particular is generally pretty lighthearted and used to complain when you have a bad date or something. You have to get used to analyzing what someone actually means and airing on the side of empathy. You, as a man, are the one with some amount of systemic power over that woman, so you are the one who needs to prove you are dedicated to not being a misogynist. The same thing happens when my friends say they hate white people. I have to assume they don't hate me given that I'm their friend, but that I still have some of the negative traits of whiteness. I need to care enough to be a good friend by being anti-racist and checking myself on my behavior. I need to be willing to prioritize their comfort over mine. That includes not becoming this meme:

Now that that's established, there ARE times when "all men are evil and should die" is an actual ideology. It's an ideology that hurts tons of minority groups before it hurts the most powerful, but it's also not really great if we assume it only hurts cishet white guys. Following it to its logical conclusion, it just proposes a reversal of oppression dynamics. This gender essentialism is a key part of radical feminism, trans exclusionary or not, but it leaks out of that community to general feminism all the time.

As a young person on Tumblr and Twitter, this deeply affected me. I internalized the idea that you can "just be a girl." It was repeated by some trans girls, but also a LOT of TME people. It was framed as trans inclusive, but it's trans inclusive in the way "political lesbianism" is lesbian positive. It posits gender as a moral choice that is completely up to the individual and unrelated to biology. It's the lazy version of "gender is a social construct." I felt sick and disgusting for wanting to be a boy because tons of well-meaning friends of mine had made it clear that "being a boy" was a choice, and it was the wrong one. "Boy" was a social category that could and should eventually be eradicated. Trans women were conditionally supported because they, in theory, made this future possible. This didn't amount to actual support, of course. It was an ideology mostly spread by afab queer people that mostly benefited afab queer people. There were a few trans girls who spread it, maybe some due to genuinely believing in the ideology and some due to social pressure, but there were also a lot of people straight-up grifting as trans girls who used this thinking to feel powerful in a niche community of teens. Remember fucking Yandere Bitch Club???

At a certain point, I genuinely thought of being a man as an unambiguous moral failing, and I lashed out at out trans men because of it. I wanted to feel powerful, and here was a type of man in my community I could shame and exclude. I still feel bad for making a bunch of ~girls only~ stuff in HS that excluded the one out trans dude at our school, my friend, because he was just a ~binary man~ and leaving him with no friends and no community. I treated transphobia like it wasn't a real oppression on its own and, in doing so, perpetuated transphobia. It happens a lot.

I wasn't really able to accept that there was nuance to the concept of manhood until I read this article while struggling to accept my own gender:

This is a pretty seminal piece of writing. It has its flaws, of course, but the empathy and intersectionality it highlights was life-changing. It also shows that this kind of thinking is largely perpetuated by TME people and hurts trans women greatly.

Gender essentialism is a bad ideology, it's a transphobic, transmisogynist, racist, etc etc ideology. It's literally essential to patriarchy. But it's also very easy to repackage into leftism and easy to dogwhistle. As a result, it's natural to be hesitant when you see someone saying they hate all men, but you have to tread extremely lightly and actually care what they're attempting to express. Because, yeah, men as a social class still hold power over women. They still have reason to fear and hate men.

I'm writing a comic about this stuff, actually, so look out for it in the future..........

[fadedmunson]

all apologies | o. isaac

pairings ; oscar isaac x gn!reader (no use of y/n)

summary ; you do something that you know you shouldn't have done, now you're facing the consequences

genre ; reader doing something kinda dumb, slightest bit of angst, and then all comfort ^^ kinda established relationship already

notes ; 1 curse word !! im not very good at writing and english is not my first language, thank you for understanding

wc ; 🤷‍♀️, not proofread !!

the hot, blistering sun was making your skin all sticky but thank god for this pool

"c'mon dude, just do it!" your friends egged you on

"i mean whats the worst that could happen?" one of them asked

"well, im sooo glad you asked! because i could hurt myself and ruin oscars mural, he just painted it i would never forgive myself." just thinking about it made you shiver

the pool party was a pretty cute and small gathering. only your friends and oscars were at this party and since you shared most of the same friends, it blended together really well

the only problem was how intimate and cozy your shared place could be with more than 10 people in it

"you only live once and it would be really cool! we'll get it on video and everything. the murals kinda far from the pool. I also thought oscar didn't really like the mural all that much. some water wont hurt it." one of your friends comments analytically.

that stupid reasoning is why you were now at the top of this diving board counting down to three

THREE ! god, WHAT am i doing with my life

TWO ! this won't make so much of a mess? right? i thi-

ONE ! SWEET BABY JESUS I CANT BREATHE

you take a leap of faith and jump right into this pool

SPLASH !

you don't know the water goes everywhere but you're pretty content with how steady your position and posture was while diving

you don't see the look on your friends faces that say 'fml' and 'oh... no..'

the mural was still wet and with the amount of water that splashed on it, the whole thing was ruined

and of course, right on time, oscar walks into the backyard

"thought i heard someo- " the smile on his face is immediately fading and being replaced with a blank stare

"oh my god," you don't know what to do in your frantic state "babe im so sorry i had no idea-" you try to talk to him but he pushes away almost too quickly and goes back inside

you just stand there, a cold and anxious feeling waving over you

you breathe in and then out, calm down and give him space, everything will be ok

you grab a towel, dry of a little, and take your sandals to go inside

the party is semi quiet, only being filled with small conversations and music through the speakers

before entering through the door entirely, you move your head to peak outside

"delete that video!" you shout to one of your friends who you know pressed rec.

as you're fluffing and drying off your hair, you try looking for oscar, not knowing he's fully slumped on the couch, just staring into nothingness

you're just worried for what you've done to this poor guy :,(

"oscar, honey, you gotta look at me please." you find and sit next to his motionless state and comb your hand through his hair while the other hand is caressing his face features

he doesn't say anything and doesn't even acknowledge your presence, ouch

"oh baby, im so sorry i did that. i knew it was a bad idea and im not sure why i still did it." you're quick to apologizing and you're now overthinking everything you did tonight

you're severely overwhelmed and have no idea what to say in this situation

all you can do is rest your face into his neck and press the smallest kisses there, making your way up to his jawline, then his cheek, his nose, and his head

you won't stop peppering these tiny kisses and you can see a little smile ghosting his features

you love the way he smells, the strongest smell of his cologne is all you can smell right now.

it's strong, a sandal wood and clean scent, it's so comforting to you right now

"stop you're tickling me now" he begins to lightly giggle and softly push you back a bit

you're both just laughing at each other until the laughter dies down and you fully apologize to him

"if i knew what would've happened, i would have never even step foot on that diving board" you look into his eyes with all the seriousness you could muster up

he just looks at you with softened and sad eyes "y'know, i was starting to like the mural a bit actually."

you're heart shatters into a million pieces (for the second time today) great, you feel like utter shit now

you feel like curling into a ball and crying as of right now, and he can tell, but you're here to console him

you see tears swell up in his eyes and you're quick to kiss his eyes and move onto his lap, your lips just inches away from his

"i don't deserve you, at all. there aren't enough apologies in the world to make up for hurting the most attractive person on earth" you poke at him a bit and just rest your forehead on his

he immediately moves your forehead off and wraps his hands on your waist as he leans in for a sweet, looooong kiss.

its warm, you taste the lukewarm beer he had around an hour ago, but it makes you smile into him

you end the kiss with a little peck on his lips and tilt your head to the side

"forgive me?" you pout a little

"i guess so," he sarcastically says but flips you on your back to trap you in his arms for another kiss

"hey!" you yelp while giggling

"i love you so much." you mumble into the kiss

"mmmmhm," he breathes into you "i love you so much more, mi querida."

[rius-cave]

About the meeting more

Ahh that makes sense, the 40 days thing! I was of course taking liberties when it came to Adam showing up XD I was using the only instance I knew of Lucifer fully being on Earth.

And by Neil Gaiman's Netflix Lucifer (like some comments have pointed out), I meant the series called "Lucifer" where he's a police consultant. I mentioned it was Neil Gaiman because there's so many modern iterations of Lucifer I thought it would make it clearer XD. But yeah it's based on Neil Gaiman's Lucifer character that appears in the Sandman comics.

About the circus, I truly like when humanity is given more credit, both in the positive and in the negative. Like in GO, Crowley acknowledges that humans were the ones to create all sorts of wars, but Aziraphale relishes in the positives that humans have created over the years.

So I'm imagining this does something for Lucifer's guilt of dooming humanity (if you want to see him as guilty for putting evil into the world) or hatred of it (if we go with him basically saying that humans make their own fate with their decisions)

Lucifer, seeing humans kill each other: this is horrible. They're truly beyond saving. Vile creatures only capable of hurt.

Lucifer, seeing a circus for the first time: ... Well I mean. Maybe they're not so bad. Some... One things are good.

Which also reminds me about Blitzø and Fizzaroli being ex circus imps (and current clown depending on when). Which makes me think about Lucifer meeting Ozzie's boyfriend and freaking the fuck out because he's a huge fan.

This... Got away from me. Turned away from Adamsapple and more just geber Lucifer HCs lol

-🐇

OOOHHH okay! I did see the comment about there being another show with a Lucifer, I honestly had no idea lol. I've been debating on watching the SHOW called Lucifer since I've heard some good things about it.

But I agree! I definitely feel like Lucifer is disillusioned with humanity even when he wants to believe/knows that there's good in them too. Ough,,,, there's a really good comic somewhere about how Lucifer made LuLu World and was still hopeful about humanity, that maybe sinners could have a good thing there, but then sinners burned it down and that's the final straw that made him lose hope in them...... OOOUGHHHHHGHG IT PAINS MY SOUL BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH

But hey! I love that headcanon about him being a fan of Fizzarolli! Omg that is actually so cute and now I really feel like I need to see them together cjdjdogkskgjsd

Luci: Ozzie, I... I kinda have a big favor to ask

Ozzie: oh, Lu, what is it? Is something wrong? Is Charlie alright? I've been so busy lately but- please go ahead you know I'd do anything for-

Luci: CAN YOU PRETTY PLEASE GET FIZZAROLLI TO SIGN THIS 40 IN POSTER OF HIM FOR ME PLEASE???????

Ozzie:

[musicalmoritz]

Idk if you were around during the pitchfork Tsukasa days where even having an au where Tsukasa didn’t get possessed by the entity and therefore was just a normal chaotic piece of shit (so first year him since we know in first year, he was literally just a little asshole) was branded to get you like, immediately persecuted. People made call out threads just cause you shipped Tsukasa with someone his age and told other people they deserved to be in a mental hospital or told to kys because they thought Tsukasa had nuance and when the possession theory was TRUE? People still badgered and hurt others to the point that some people are like, terrified of even admitting they like Tsukasa 😭. I remember being driven away from people my age in the fandom and getting dragged into shit circles because the fandom was like “you ship Tsukasa? You’re an abuse apologist!”

I was not around for those days, I’ve only been in the fandom for about a year but omg that sounds rough😭 I can relate tho, before I got into TBHK I was hyperfixated on Fruits Basket- specifically Shigure, Akito, and their relationship, and let me tell you…oof it was a struggle. Luckily I was able to stay in my own little fandom corner with other Akigure lovers but I had to block ppl every time I looked up edits for them on TikTok. I’m also a Hisoka fan so there’s that

Tbh it bothers me how fandoms moralize liking certain characters. I watched a video essay a few months ago on the Dahmer Netflix series and how people romanticize serial killers, and someone in the comments brought up The Joker as a comparison. Now I’ll be honest, The Joker is one of my least favorite characters ever, but he’s still a fictional character. The fact that it would even cross someone’s mind to put him in the same category as a real life rapist, cannibal, and murder, is genuinely so disturbing to me. This might sound dramatic but I was kinda messed up abt it for a while, it made me realize that this line of thinking with fiction can severely alter people’s empathy

Anyways, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Fandoms are not very rational when it comes to these subjects and they’re very subject to groupthink. You hear the exact same argument reused to explain why Tsukasa shouldn’t be shipped because most of those people aren’t coming up with that opinion on their own, they’re copying what others have said. That’s why I headcanon him as aroace, I can’t picture him liking anyone romantically but I didn’t want to align myself with the rest of the fandom by saying he would automatically be a domestic abuser no matter who he’s with

He’s also a really cool character and tbh I feel like people are missing out by hating him on sight. So many fans seem baffled at the thought of anyone having positive feelings towards him. He’s not crazy high on my character ranking but I still love him dearly, I’m happy so many people have been asking about him today because it gives me a chance to defend my son (well, not defend his actions but yk, defend him from the fandom police)

[elacular-kink]

Hicvember 25: Someone Else's OC

Thanks to the random OC wheel made by the lovely mademoisellekalopsia, I have been assigned @hiccupscloud-26's Indyko! I've really been enjoying the high-speed, super varied way that they write hiccups, but I'm not super confident in my ability to replicate it, so we'll see what we can do.

Content: Hiccups, slight discomfort, flirting, weight gain (mentioned, positive), arousal

"Uh, h–*NK* hey! Hey Ca–*HUP* Callie! *HNK-llk!* I'm, uh, I'm re–*HEEK* recording thi–*IC*–is 'cause *UCK*...w-well, beca–*HUK* because I got th–*HAK* the hiccups! *HLK-llp!* Uh, hope y–*HOOP* you don't mind tha–*ULK* that it's aud–*EEK*–o only. Dun–*HNK* dunno if I'm co–*HMP*–omfortable being on ca–*HMERK* camera.

"I can te–*ULK* tell you what i–*HUP* it's like though! *HIUK-ULK!* Oof. So the–*HEEK* these just kinda ca–*HUP* came out of nowh–*EURK*. I was ju–*HUP* just go–*INGK* about my day and a–*ULK* all of the su–*HUP* sudden I ju–*HUK* just start *HIC-CUP*ping! Hehe–*HEEK*–ehehee. So they're uh–*HULP* they're pretty loud. That's, uh, *HNK* kinda obvious. *HMK-LP* I guess since *HERK* they're so loud mo–*HOUP* most of their energy is g–*UCK* goi–*HNK* go–*OLK* Oh j–*HEEK* jeez–*MNK! HNK! HULK! HAULK! HIC-ULK!*...*HUK* Phew. Okay. *HMNK* I was gonna sa–*AYK* that most of the–*URK* their energy was go–*HOLP* going into the no–*HIK*–oise, and I gu–*HULK* guess that's still tr---true, oof. But a li–*ICCUP* little's clearly go–*INGK* into ma–*ICK* making them fa---fast sometimes. *HMK-MMP*

"I'm, uh–*HUP* having some quiet–*ERK* ones now, though, and the–*ULK* they move my tum–*EEP* tummy a lot. I think I've, uh–*HUP* I've g-gained some we–*IK-ULK* weight since I sta–*HURK* started living w---with you. *HMK-LK!* I-in a go–*HOOK* good way. So when they're mo–*URK* more quiet my be–*ULK* belly pops out and–*HMK-LP* and I *HIULP* oh go–*HOK* oh je–*HIULK* fu–*HIUK* fuck, Call–*EEK* I thi–*HNK* think they–*HIULK* fuck–! *HNK! HLK! HNKLK! HEEK! HAULK! HUK-HUK-HUK–HMNK-LLLK!* Ohhhhhh...*HNK*

"Hff...*HUP* hfff...*HIUK* H'okay. That, uh *HMP* that didn't hu–*URK* hurt at all but–*HUKUP*–oof...but it w–*HUP* was a lot. *HNKLK-rrrrrrrp* Oop, uh...*hnk* 'scuze me. Guess I swall–*OUK* swallowed some ai---air there. *hmk*–mmmf. Th-the quiet ones kind–*UCK* kinda make my be–*HULP* belly move like waves are go---going through it. *HMK-mpp! HMP!* Th-the loud ones *HURK* it just kind–*ACK* kinda po–*HOP* pops out a bi–*ICCUP* bit. Whew. *HNK-lk*.

"You can, uh—*HUK* you can pro–*HOP* probably tell that I'm ge–*uuuuuuurk–UP–ulp!* 'scuse me, gett–*INGK* worn out. *HMK*–mmf. I don't thi–*ULK* think I'll cu–*HURP* cure them just yet, bu–*HUCKULP–HUK!* B-but I'll stop ta–*ULK* talking quite so mu–*HUCH*."

As the recording went on, most of it was just Indyko's loud hiccups, interspersed with groans, sighs, or mumbled exclamations. Very occasionally they would comment on something, such as "D-dunno if you he–*URK* heard that one. It thu–*HUMP* thumped in my che–*HUK-URK* chest really h---hard," or "*HMK! HLK! HNKLK! HRKUP! HULK! HIUK! HEEK-HEEK-HEEK-HIUK-HUK!* g-guh! *HIKOLK!* k-kuh! Huh...*HMP* Whew! Hahah–*HAULK* Those were so–*OLK* sooo fast!"

Eventually, Indy's hiccups started to wind down, slowing more and more until they petered out completely. It took a few minutes for them to notice that they weren't hiccuping anymore. "Huh. Guess they went as randomly as they came. Whoof. Just as well, I'm pretty tuckered out from all that. But, uh..." a smile was audible in their voice. "Totally worth it though. And when I see you later you'll be all 'how are you?' and I can say 'Oh man, I got a serious case of the hiccups today!' and you're gonna blush like crazy...ehehehee...I can't wait. Love you, Callie. See you soon."

Indyko wasn't sure what compelled them to listen to the recording after it was done, but they surprised themself with just how much they were blushing, as well as how...other parts of their body had started reacting. That could wait though. If they were going to take care of that, they'd like it if they got to do it with their girlfr—with their fiance instead. So they hit send, the audio file appearing between their texts with a headphones emoji, a winky face, and a bubbles emoji below it. And they grinned, thinking about the look on Calliope's face when she finally heard it.

[roguesnezblog]

Trigger warning - Vent stuff (Suicide, bullying etc.) I am not feeling great. And I'm going to censor everything below if you don't want to read. But this post I wanted to make, one, for my own benefit. mentally, but I also feel like people who are in the same position as me could use an understanding ear. So...

Feeling real horrible. Like I shouldn't exist. To put it bluntly. Making the rounds of depression again. I want to type this out here and will most likely delete this later because being vunerable on the internet is not exactly, sometimes, met with anything good.

I won't go into detail on as to why either, since opening up about things you've done is usually weaponized online too. But lets say this: I have been made to feel, in some online spaces, that, My existance and presense should be eradicated.

I have been treated this way by these people for years. Over 5 years now. I had been bullied, and called horrible things, been witch hunted all the works that online crap can bring. And most people are in agreement, I should get over it by now. Who scares if a few people don't like you, don't want you around them? They have a right to believe that, and it's not like I didn't deserve it.

And I suppose in truth a part of me agrees. I dont expect approval, nor do I expect to be liked, a part of me rationally knows this. Not everyone online is going to be on a sympathetic understanding side of things.

But another part of me creeps back. You see, during this time, when people turned on me violently, for mistakes I've made and regret, I got low. Real low. Suicide low. I figured I was diplorable. Unforgivable. Disgusting. I felt like I should be punished. I did. Yanno. Self harm. A lot.

I figured the world would be better. Easier, if I wasn't in it. They made me believe this.

But I was always in conflict with reality. You see online isn't really half of my life. I have good parents, not perfect, but good. And a family who cares about me, and deep down, I knew if I was gone, if anyone, they would suffer for it.

So ...Suicide wasn't really an option. Not properly.

I had no choice but to endure lots of inflammatory comments, being excluded, distanced, the community (not this one) I wanted to feel a part of, and enjoy a love of drawing was...cruel.

I could rant more about what they did. How much they alienated and hurted me, broke down my character and warped me into this...percieved monster. But theres no point. And yanno I don't want to get into details like I said.

But a part of me still thinks that Im not a victim here. That I deserve it.

It's the rest that feels inconsolable. I don't want to die. I don't want to feel like thats the only option for me. To be erased. And think how much easier it would be for everyone else that I didn't exist.

But I want to be a kind person. I don't want to make people uncomfortable with my presense, or existance.

I shouldn't spare mercy to people who don't care. I know...But it's hard not to think when for your entire life you've been messed up.

Im pretty sure being some kinda autistic or at least neurodivergant doesn't help...(I haven't got diagnosed yet. Being a part of british NHS sucks. It would take me 5 years to get someone to see me. So they told me, and I'm considering private, but that costs 2,000 pounds and...Im scared honestly)

Anyway.

This feeling is often met with apathy, or "just don't think about it" by friends and family, who know somewhat about all this.

But it's hard.

It's heavy.

I just wish forgiveness could be an option. The mistakes I made, I learned from, and have never done again. But it's not enough.

It feels like this unending maw, gaping and cavernous. Swallowing me whole until it leaves nothing but that mistake left. They make it me. It's all I am. My identity. I am a literal monster to them. Something to fear like a boogeyman.

Not a dumb young adult who had no idea what they were doing.

I am nearly 30 now. I regret being stupid. Not knowing things, being ignorant and not just....being more calm at the time, but when people jump on you, you panic.

I have dug this hole. I know that... but it feels like I was forced to.

And the prolonged suffering, it's just....

I was happy for a time. You know? The fear and guilt lifted about a year ago for a while. When I found people who appriecate me, who care and want me around in that community, My confidence for a while was up. And I felt like I COULD exist. Live again, and be in spaces without feeling like I was a leech. I was happy and even talked to people in calls. I didn't have nightmares and I didn't feel like I needed to quit my freelance work.

There was...a couple of incidents, where I let my confidence blind me, approached people who haven't forgiven me, and told me to fuck off.

Which I did, to be fair...like I say: I don't have to be friends with everyone.

But...recently, the community pool has gotten thin. Drama happened (not to do with me, thank fuck, I couldn't deal with that stress I feel terrible for the people who have to endure it.) and spaces that were safe have been deleted. And the people who scorn me are now making a new space for them to pool into.

I've been excluded from that space.

That doesn't bother me, I have friends who will remain by my side. And this kinda happens everyone 6 months or so that people move spaces. But-

It's gut wrenching, to feel safe and forgiven. And then to be reminded that no, infact; You can't escape.

My friends will stay in spaces I feel safe in. And I know really- I'm not gonna loose much. But to be reminded that your existance would rather be purged? It's...not a fun feeling. Not to feel especially due to the struggles I've been facing and facing hard these past few months.

I suppose by writing all this, and saying all this, I just can't help but wonder in this mind space...Is it me? My fault? My brain is the one doing this...I am jumping from: Oh people I don't even like don't want me around? Better go die.

I made the mistake in the end....And this is my punishment. My torment for making a mistake.

It's ridiculous really...I shouldn't be feeling this way. But yet I am....I feel hopeless, empty. Sullen. Like theres no point, like all I feel and have been doing to grow, and move on....it doesn't matter. Because nothing changes.

I'm not sure exactly why Im writing this, or why Im even sharing these feelings, perhaps I just want people to talk to. Much as I love my friends, they get uncomfy talking like this... They can be dismissive and they don't really want to find a solution or confront it. I am just told to "forget it" and such. As I said before. But it doesn't help you know?

Putting this out there, it may make it worse...Which honestly; I fear. People online can look at something like this and use it to try make you worse, or kill yourself. Like....some people really just...get a kick out of making you feel like crap.

Im sure this is a sentiment that a lot of people, a lot of you, understand. It's cruel. Bullying and....I wish it would go away, not just for me, but for all of us....But I also hope a part of this can....maybe help someone?

That...something like this, isn't unusual....(unfortunately) and that some of you out there have been through the same thing...or are currently going through the same thing. And if thats the case...As someone who is feeling it at the current moment I want to say this to you:

You matter. You deserve to exist. You CAN live. And ...so long as you learn from your mistakes...That doesn't make you an evil, or even just a bad, person. You're a good person. You're a good person if you want to be better.

And....for you. I will keep this in mind for myself too. I fucked up. Maybe you did too...But we can be fuck ups together.

--------------------------------------------------------

I am not ok, but I think I will be. Admittedly, I could just not post this, but I think theres some value somewhere in this rant. I think it should be heard by some.

[strawbubbysugar]

Hiii, (princess lawyer anon here) not trying to start anything but i saw an anon upset over what I said (i assume it was about me cuz Im kinda,, the only one who fits their description,,) and I just wanted to say I don’t really appriciate them trying to make me like a villain,,, that kinda hurts to be misinterpreted so intensely,, I wasnt targeting them, there was like.. 5+ people both on the blog and in the story comments that said the same thing, so I really wasnt like,, targeting them or really even thinking of their reply when i wrote what i wrote if im being very honest,, I thought what I said was funny, and not meant to be condescending. Especially since both me and Bubby sorta made the same defender joke,, Sorry, I didn’t like how it felt in my chest reading those messages, if you understand what I mean,,, kinda actually had me tearing up ajdhsjsjdh to explain why it was so long winded if I can try and show i didnt mean it maliciously; I wasnt trying to over explain, I was info dumping because Im autistic and got excited,,,, but I do get that a lot, I really dont mean for it to come off as like im over explaining or condescending or whatever the right word is, im sorry. and this story meant a lot to me,, I just wanted to share my thoughts like everyone else and join in on what i thought were jokes, not over explain things and make people uncomfortable, im sorry,,, sorry for clogging up your box with all this nonsense, I just felt really upset and hurt and didnt know how else to address them since they’re anon,,, andjdjdj sorry if im doing it again rn </3

But, let me end on a positive note cuz I hate coming off as negative!!! Love u Bubby and love the latest chapter, im sorry if i caused any tension for you. Im really excited to see what both pry/ncess my beloved and Sun look like on the wedding day in their pretty outfits <3 I especially loved the funny parts with Sun covering his eyes, hes so silly goofy coded and I love your writing 💕 it never fails to make me laugh, smile, tear up, everything /verypositive And dont let anyone tear you down, I loved So(u)l it still lives in my head rent free and Im absolutely loving Bethroned!!! And also, as an autistic person, I love how you write your y/n’s because I feel like i can really relate where i sometimes struggle with that in other stories 💕💕 thats all, i spent like two hours trying to word this right so i need to stop now for my hearts sake, mwah mwah /silly

Oh Angel thank you for the kind words!! I know nobody in this situation meant to come off as anything but genuine. I’ll post this so that the two anons involved can hopefully find some closure with the situation. I won’t be answering any asks about it anymore but I wanted to make sure you felt seen and heard. :)

Peace and love on planet earth muah muah

[belphegor1982]

HEY WAITAMINUTE IS "underture" a reference to the music term "overture"? Mayhaps a Scanlan WIP?!?!

srryok bai now

Yup, kind of! It's the first CR I got an idea for - in March last year, for TLOVM, as I hadn't even watched most of the first campaign yet - and, incidentally, the only one out of five fics (/comics, if you count Scar Tissue) and 2 WIPs that doesn't begin with the letter S :P (not even on purpose, it just happened!)

Okay, so this fic exists because of three reasons:

• "Underture" is a title on the Who's concept album Tommy (and yes, a play on "overture"!) because the titular lad is Going Through It (and being made to taste drugs iirc). I discovered that album around 2002 and love the word.

• One of my favourite fics overall (like, all fandoms) is @plothooksinc's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003) "Underdark", which has Leo and Mikey fall under the city in complete darkness and try to make their way back to their brothers (and the surface), with Mikey as the 1st person narrator. It is hilarious and super tense and glorious and one of the great classics in the entire franchise's fandom, imo (or should be). Since I read it in the mid-to-late 2000s I had no idea that "Underdark" was actually a D&D term and was gobsmacked when I learned! The more you know :D

• And the main reason this WIP exists is because I essentially went "wait, what if "Underdark", but make it Vax and Scanlan". Of course, now it took a life of its own and there's going to be a Structure to it (start in media res, and then alternate "how we got there" chapters and "so what's happening in the creepy dark in the present" chapters). With a healthy dose of getting to know each other and going from essentially work colleagues to friends 💜

Here's a little excerpt from page 2, so literally the start of the fic (for context, Vax got washed down a mine and wakes up alone in a tunnel):

And, somewhere in the distance, a familiar voice.

“…help?”

Vax scrambled up, finding purchase on the slippery rock wall nearby, chasing sound rather than sight. The world in front of him was little more than blobs in varying shades of black. His ears were more reliable than his eyes right now.

“Where are you?” he called. “Are you okay?”

“Define ‘okay’?”

Vax bit back a tart comment. Damn Scanlan and his utter and complete inability to be serious.

“Like, not hurt? Can you move? What’s your position?”

“Not… great.”

“What do you mean?” Vax asked sharply, still half-feeling his way along the wall. Scanlan’s voice was getting clearer, or at least closer; it also sounded breathless, strained, small in a way it rarely did. Vax could only hope most of that could be chalked up to the sore throat he’d been complaining about for the last couple of days.

There was a scrabble and a gasp. When Scanlan spoke again his pitch had climbed a few notes.

“I mean I’m kinda hanging off a cliff? Or some kind of ledge, anyway. And uh, my fingers are getting real tired, if you know what I mean.” A short, nervous laugh. “I really really don’t want to lose fingernails. It hurts like a mother and it makes playing the lute really difficult.”

“Hang on and keep talking,” said Vax, straining his ears and trying to ignore his pounding heart. “I’m on my way.”

“Okay. Usually, not really a problem, but uh… Aw, crap.” There was a strangled sound, like he’d choked up on a cough, and some more scratching. “You know me, I talk – I talk real good. B—big fan of talking. I’m a great talker, too. Talker, singer, player – give me any instrument and it is on, baby. I mean I’ve never tried the double bass, you know, those big-ass cellos. Got curious but the bow alone is almost bigger than me, so that sucks. Plus they’re really expensive. Vax?”

“Yes?”

“Hurry?”

Vax practically ran around a corner and stared into the dark as hard as he could. The tunnel in front of him kept going in a downward slope, the ceiling gradually getting lower; there was a pathway of sorts along the wall, but most of the rocky ground seemed to disappear, as though erased from existence, into the starkest black Vax had ever seen. Rivulets of water trickled into it from the walls and the ground, slithering between protruding rocks, the only movement he could discern.

Wait… Not quite the only movement.

Vax bolted towards the fingers he could see grasping at a small rocky ridge a foot or so below the edge.

“Shitshitshitshit,” he could hear Scanlan chanting, his breathing now frantic and his voice gone beyond squeaky. “Vax…!”

Three things happened almost instantaneously:

Vax reached down and grabbed one of Scanlan’s arms just as his fingers lost their grip on the ledge.

In a last-ditch attempt to find a hold of something, Scanlan’s other hand shot up and closed around the clasp of Vax’s cloak.

Vax belatedly realised he’d miscalculated as Scanlan’s weight and his own momentum carried him past the edge and into the black.

(welp, they're dead :P no they're not but they certainly think so for a hot second)

[kalolasfantasyworld]

It has been 84 years since I've read a PH chapter... And more chapters have been posted so I'm even further behind... 😭/lh+j

But I'm back with chapter 5! LET'S GO!

I already like the chapter and the conversation Helena has with Solid and Nebra. Helena is on her guard with them quickly but then she finds a passing mention of Acier is able to soften Nebra and Solid's nasty exteriors. Acier being the "weakness" for all the Silvas gives me life. Because not matter how involved/aware they are of the truth of the matter, Acier is the connecting thread for the Silva siblings.

(Tangent: Nozel knows everything and fears losing Noelle like he lost his mom. Nebra and Solid spent time with Acier and losing her warmth in their life without knowing the truth made them turn outso sour. And then there's Noelle with no knowledge of Acier at all, regarding her life or death, so she's just trying to grasp at what others say about her. It's honestly so tragic how all the siblings are affected because of their varying levels of knowledge of who Acier was and what happened to her.)

Anyways, while learning that Acier even connects the Drazels as a whole and Helena specifically to Clover, it doesn't automatically make Solid and Nebra friendly. It just makes them... reconsider.

Too bad Nozel wasn't there and Helena's opinion of him is still in the pits. Oof.

Then through Vanessa and Finral, Helena gets some insight onto what's going on with our main heroes.

“Misunderstandings can lead to major problems. Besides it’s nice to get along with people you live with.”

Considering the vague hints and warnings you've mentioned about the future of the story, Lola, I can only suspect that what Finral said here will be an ongoing theme in this story. It'll probably relate to Helena learning about the Silvas and also Noelle reconciling with her siblings.

(Also I do have to ask if this meeting is happening before or after the Dungeon Exploration arc because until then, Asta only has one of the anti-magic swords. I know you stated that the start of PH is around episode 5 but I'm unsure of how much time has elapsed since then. So just like... maybe I forgot between chapters 4 and 5 but has there been enough passage of time for the Dungeon arc to happen and Asta to get his second sword?)

Her main goal was to heal people, not hurt them, even less so kill. She knew that there definitely were situations, which would require sacrifices, and she could not be able to handle them.

(puts "Helena will have to kill someone" on my bingo card) Don't worry about that./j

Also, you were not kidding about not needing any Black Clover knowledge going in as you do a pretty good job of summarizing the system of the Magic Knights. Meanwhile, I'm guilty of "yeah, I just throw fanfiction at people and hope they know the source material."

Helena softening up with Solid and Nebra is nice, even seeing her play into their ego a little is kinda cute. I don't know about others but I like Solid and Nebra being a little prideful since it contrasts with Noelle and Nozel's poor self images and, if used right, can be comedic. It also shows her ability to converse and socialize in a civil manner, fitting of her upbringing.

And with Nozel, it seems he and Helena are at an impasse akjndfiashruit!

KShfioaurt! Even with Solid and Nebra opening up a little, Solid is still his tricky self. Way to put your guest in a position that paints her intentions as a challenge rather than mere participation.

Fight scene! Fight scene!

It's neat that Helena is able to hold her own despite training more for self-defense than true combat. And I do like how she ultimately doesn't win because of her hesitation to hurt. It's a good character beat.

And that cliff hanger. Uh oh...

84 years were worth the wait to get your comment ^^

Acier really is that "olive branch" that Helena and the Silvas have. Something connecting them and a soft spot for the siblings. I don't really see them getting along quickly any other way.

Yup I agree with what you said about the varying levels of knowledge.

And yeah Nozel and Helena... still don't get along.

Yup Finral and Vanessa will be giving us details through out most of the fic ^^ They're just spilling all the tea. And yes that sentence is important. I'm once again impressed with how you caught that.

I admit I wasn't exactly specific whether the dungeon arc happened or not. It wasn't specified how much time passed in BC as well. However since after the dungeon Asta and Noelle are called to Julius and then the attack happens, this is earlier. Probably around the time that Asta and Noelle's first mission with Magna happens.

😁 I'm saying once again how much I love the details that you're pointing to.

Thank you I did my best with explaining ^^ that friend of mine who reads my drafts actually read the first few chapters of PH before watching BC and she said she understood everything and then it made sense.

Solid and Nebra are so much fun to play around with. I always knew I wanted to develop them, but while writing that chapter I felt their character arcs for this story forming much more clearly.

Helena's able to hold her own, because as a princess it's expected of her to not suck completely... but yeah she's not good. She hasn't practiced and relies on her mana a lot, like your typical Clover Noble when it comes to fighting.

Yes the fact that she hesitates...

Hah I like cliffhangers you'll see ^^

Thank you so much for your comment Erika 💕

[evansbby]

BESTIE IM SOOSOSOSOSOS HAPPY POYT IS OUT but idk i couldn’t shake the feeling that i was reading a different fic, everyone was super OOC like omega being more brazen and yelling, i always imagined omega as more of the silent type and homegirl was BOLD, steve was just soo different..he was kinda giving manchild and pathetic and just different and i mean poyt!steve is a MANCHILD but idk they just didnt hit the same. It was the ending i expected and was glad that omega got her happy ending but i just wanted angst honestly. I expected peter to take her away and steve just like find them somehow, idk it felt like i was reading a different story, were you perhaps influenced by other characters because they felt a bit off…Anyway it was long and really happy 5 is out! SO SAD TO SEE POYT COMING TO AN END😭 AAH I MISS IT ALREADY, i feel like poyt 3 was like my fav chapter of the whole series, it just slapped and you’re a fantastic writer and i hope this message didn’t offend you in anyway! I just wanted to tell you my opinion, I CHECKED UR ACC EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR A POYT UPDATE(not joking 100% serious)

Oof. So when I first read this comment about a week ago, I was pretty upset and hurt by it. Again, I feel like it is very tactless to say this to someone who spent so long writing something and was so nervous about it being posted.

But okay, let’s get into it then…

1) you felt like it was out of character that omega was being “bold” by being brazen and yelling bc you imagined her as more of the silent type. Okay. So you just wanted to read almost 40k words of her being shy and stuttering and having absolutely no growth while the worst things in life happened to her and everyone just walked all over her? You wanted absolutely no character growth? You wanted her to just remain quiet and docile and never be comfortable. You didn’t want her to stand up for herself when this madman Bucky is about to SA her? You wanted her to remain all bashful and shy and quiet and not show any emotion when she found out her mother left her? Okay then… Look, I’m a very quiet person but sometimes when I’m pushed so far, I WILL react. I think it’s extremely weird of you to think someone would just remain shy and docile forever when such terrible things are happening to her. It’s like… what exactly did you want to read??? You didn’t want her to react to anything?? All that being said, I feel like she still WAS shy in the moments that weren’t her mom leaving or the confrontation with Bucky. Like she literally still is shy, it’s only when she’s being pushed to the limit that she reacts like almost anyone else in her position would. Do you think shy people don’t yell? I’m really confused…. Because omega has lashed out in the other parts too. In POYT 4, and POYT 3 and even in POYT 2. So… idec what you mean by that being OOC.

2) Steve being a “manchild” Girl… idk WHAT fic you were reading before POYT 5 bc Steve has ALWAYS given manchild vibes. Like always. But I think I know what you mean. It seems like you didn’t like that big strong tough alpha Steve was acting “pathetic” and having panic attacks. Because God forbid someone make their characters react different to different things and God forbid someone make their characters multi-faceted, right? I’m sorry it “didn’t hit the same” for you, but I don’t know what you thought you’d achieve by telling me this. I’m proud of how i characterised Steve, and many have told me his progression was realistic and the panic attack made sense. Steve has always been all over the place with his emotions, ever since POYT 4.

3) i literally cannot believe how you’ve actually sent me this and I will not be gaslighted by anyone chiming in being like “omg that anon didn’t mean to be rude” bc idec. This WAS rude. You’re complaining because the fic “didn’t hit the same” and you didn’t get what you were expecting. Fair enough, feel that way all you want. But I wrote this fucking behemoth of a fic for free, and I don’t need to see comments like this. Idec if you sprinkled in a few compliments at the end bc this was the most backhanded thing I’ve ever read. To the point where it’s almost laughable bc either you meant to be rude and backhanded, or you’re just not self aware enough.

“I expected Peter to take her away” okay? Do you want me to apologise for not writing the plot the way YOU wanted it to go? Bffr. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of cliche stuff like that, I never intended for him to take her away. “I just wanted angst” There was angst. It was very angsty. If you want a more angsty fic, write one yourself.

“Poyt 3 was my fav, it just slapped” this is the most backhanded thing ever 😂😂😂😂 it’s like you didn’t want any progression, any resolution. WHICH AGAIN, that’s fine if that’s what you’re into! But write it yourself jfc.

I just want to ask you this. If you had written a 37k fic over the course of more than six months FOR FREE and then nervously posted it, only to get a backhanded message like this one… how would that feel? I mean it’s one thing if I was a paid author, then you can criticise me all you fucking want bc at least you’re paying me to read my shit.

But to read it and come back telling me the characters felt off, that you felt like you were reading a different story, etc etc. It is not nice. I remember reading this message a week ago and I literally burst into tears bc I was so sensitive. I wish you’d sent this not through anon so I could keep note of who you are and maybe block you or keep you away from my writing bc honestly? I don’t want you even reading it. But oh well.

And I know many of you will read this and say I’m overreacting but I don’t care. This is me being truthful. This wasn’t nice. Goodbye and please unfollow me.

[meowiemari]

I will definitely have two comment feedbacks on this story. One because I only ever read it from what I remembered as Dissy was with Octavia and kicked her out, Two because I really want to read this to the fullest of begin to end. It’ll give me a reason to do two comments.

I remember did stumbling into DW but wasn’t ready to read it until I found out LD as a prequel and knew that I wanted to see how it’ll end for the two of them, so I decided to read DW.

From when I first read this, I was observing and watching how the Doctor progress and worked with his life. Most times I worried, sometimes I face palm over his actions but would smile over the positive ones, and honestly I would accidentally laugh at the ones where he’s an ass and then something ironic happens after, like the time Celestia threw him out of her castle. Sorry Dissy.

During the times he talks about his health, life, or his personal feelings and being, it made me feel understanding and relating to it. It was nice to read about Doctor and how’s he’s doing, so everyday I would check my tumblr to see the updates and head on to read the blog.

I would be laughing over the little funny moments happening, showing there’s a brighter side the the dark moments.

I was definitely not expecting to see moments like Derpy being shown again, Doctor admitting he was obsessed over her, Warden dying and shown that the both of them forgot they were siblings, seeing Neo again, Jack and Derpy interacting, and IMMEDIATELY Doctor not being the real one. It was a huge twist but how it’s explained made so much sense to why the truth was avoided and why it caused Doctor to turn discorded.

I wouldn’t want to wished anything different or say I would’ve wanted to story to end differently, cause I’ll admit there’s those times where I’m like “Dammit why this wouldn’t have to happen!!” But in the end I’m like “it’s not my story, it’s Jitters.” I even love the ending.

The fact that DW ended not as like “Happily Ever After, the end” but as “The end, and a new adventure begins for our new freind” kinda of story.

I definitely knew Coach was inspired from DW, but didn’t expect him to be The Doctor before his regeneration, so it was exciting seeing that. I love Coach even more than I have before, cause before he’s someone from the comic that I love to see his interactions with People, his kindness, the way he dotes on not only Suzie, but his daughter too (daughters when to think of Dinky and Sparkler), his love for life and not having any regrets, and the love he has for his wife.

Seeing who he was before, just made me love him even more. His whole having no regrets and living life to the fullest comes from his promise to his wife, who she said she has no regrets and lived a good life, and now wants her husband to keep the promise, and he still will. Coach is living life with no regrets. He’s still the loyal husband and father just like the old him. Now he’s his own person, which I really like.

This is me, but for Turner to have blue yes and Derpy yellow eyes, Coach’s eyes are green. And that to me the green hat is like the green tie but it’s more that he likes the hat. Just me enjoying the color resemblance.

I gotta be honest that Derpy is my favorite character, but not because she’s my mlp favorite or because she’s derpy. With how Jitters created his version of Ditzy do during lovestruck and Discorded Whooves, she’s the kind of person that will always be loyal to the ones she cares about, even going far as to hoping her freind will be okay and recover. This woman got hurt to the biggest and is strong to still stand by Doctor and help him. Her kindness and love is two of the best things that Jitters written for her character.

My favorite moment is when Doctor believed that because he’s not the real doctor, none of the people he cares about would ever care about him anymore, BUT THEN THEY STILL DO!!! I was crying like “Doc it’s not who you are that they love, it’s who you are to them.” Derpy didn’t love Doctor, she loves you. You have a bond with them that they hold dear.

This remind me of my close friend and it’s so sweet to hear this and be reminded that no matter what happens, your freinds are there for you. At that moment that’s not just best friends, that’s family.

I don’t believe I have a least favorite moment.

Overall I enjoyed the finale, and can’t wait to read DW from the beginning so I can do one of these again. I’ll definitely cry again, but it’ll be like those favorite comics you reread again thousands of times.

Thanks for the blog again Jitters!! And can’t wait for more of your projects!!!

Ask Discord Whooves has come to its conclusion, and that means the posts below this point contain major spoilers for the story! This post will also have the author's final comments below a 'read more' to avoid spoilers. In this commentary, I will talk about new details about the story, such as what the future looks like in this universe and clearing up some lore.

If you wish to read from the beginning, you can start from the first page here!

Or, if you were in the middle of reading and wish to start where you left off, go to the table of contents here!

Also for consideration, you can read the prequel blog @lovestruck-derpy and the side blog @askthetimemaster to get more insight on the story. It is recommended you read Lovestruck Derpy first, then Ask The Time Master after you've read Discord Whooves.

Other side blogs involved in the story that can be read after everything else for a little more insight are as follows:

@tantamount-time-turner @torchwoodv @valtavia

Thank you for being interested in the story, I hope you enjoy your read!

!!AUTHOR FINAL COMMENTS BELOW!!

It would be appreciated if people who have read the blog to its end read this post and give their input on the overall story via comment or reblog, or sending the author @jitterbugjive a comment via ask or submission.

Surprise, everyone! Coach is The Doctor's next life!

This was the original plan from the very start of when I made Coach. Look, here's some proof, the plush I had commissioned of him has a cutie mark!

For those who don't know who (Pony) Coach is, you can read a bunch of asks sent to him here and get to know him, and for those who do know him you can re-read with context:

[Coach at The-Character-Lounge]

Now, I know I've moved on and made Coach a human and his own character for my current main project, My Magic Grandpa, but that was because I loved him as a character so much that I couldn't just end him after Discord Whooves.

He and his Granddaughter Suzie have paranormal fantasy adventures in the 90s starting in Oregon. You can read the comic which has been updating for 4 years here: http://www.mymagicgrandpa.com OR http://www.mymagicgrandpa.net for better phone viewing.

If you want more Doctor Whooves content from me, consider following the youtube series "Doctor Whooves and Assistant", where I am the head writer and voice actor for Derpy. It is still active and hopefully will be for quite some time.

I also want people to know about three more of my original projects,”Bedeviled Dotty” ( @bedeviled-dotty), “Once Upon a Calamity” ( @nightmaretales) and “WTF? I’m a Magical Girl’s Familiar?!” (@magicalgirlsfamiliar) Two of which I want to start updating in 2024 and one that's been updating for a few years now.

OUAC has been around for a very long time, it’s a collection of familiar but twisted fairy tales and it has been on hiatus for years because of my other projects taking priority. I'm excited to be bringing it back.

WTF?MGF meanwhile is an adult dark comedy magical girl comic combined with an apocalyptic outbreak scenario. Its pilot will launch in January of 2024 and the comic will begin properly in 2025.

“Bedeviled Dotty” has been going for a few years now, and is a story about a magical anthro rabbit who makes a deal with a kitsune in order to obtain the love of her professor.

I highly encourage people to check them out!

Now about The Doctor version of Coach! When he first regenerated, he was ecstatic to have a small nose!

Not only that but he had a new appreciation for life and took on a life to the fullest attitude. He also cast away the identity of 'The Doctor', letting himself become his own as 'Coach' because he considers himself a referee to the universe and a sort of life coach to whoever he encounters. (Those that can stand him of course) He loves interacting with others, but he can be impatient and snippy at times and quite pushy without meaning to. He also has a hard time reading others' emotions, and can only think in context of how he would feel. This is because in this life he has something akin to ASD that he's unaware of, and it's a huge challenge for him because of how much he wants to help and entertain others.

He likes to use sports words and phrases in his vocabulary, which would be his quirk. He also collects sports equipment and uses them for experiments and inventions, though he doesn't really like sports themselves.

One of the last things Derpy said to him before she died was that she had no regrets, and neither should he. So in his next life, as Coach, he took this very seriously and is always moving forward with no regrets. This can make him seem heartless at times because of how easily he leaves things behind, but he always needs to be on the move and needs to change things up because he's teaming with chaos magic.

That's right, the chaos energy stayed with him, but it manifested in a more controllable form because he became a unicorn. He can't use normal unicorn spells, a lot of his magic has a mind of its own. It will often do as asked, but it will do it in random ways. 'Open a locked door' for example could mean unlocking the door, or turning the door into popcorn. One of his first magic mishaps was transmogrifying his sonic screwdriver into a golf club. It still functions the same, just has a different shape now.

Coach spent about 60 years exploring on his own and taking on temporary companions that he'd keep a distance from so chances of anything bad happening to them would be less. But he eventually longs to see his Grandaughter, Tootsie Flute, and wants to take her on adventures with him, feeling like it would be a good do-over from the old Doctor's life. He fondly calls her Suzie because of reminiscing about the memories of Susan from the 1st Doctor days. While Suzie is often exasperated with him, she is also fascinated with him and the things he shows her. She has to keep their adventures a secret though, because Coach is scared to face his old family again and disappoint them. He doesn't want to see them without being able to understand them any more, it would break his hearts.

In order to take Suzie on adventures with him, they find a rogue changeling to replace her at home.

Speaking of changelings, he keeps in contact with [Tantamount Doctor], who has since started his own hive and is now a Royal. He gets much adored offerings of cheese from Coach.

The Doctor also never really felt like there was a right time to approach The Master’s daughter, Eighth Note. He kept feeling like it would ruin her otherwise good life to introduce her to time and space like that. She grew up to be a nurse in a maternity ward, her beautiful voice soothing babies as she would sing to them. Perhaps she has a little hypnotic influence from her father?

But Coach meanwhile with his no regrets attitude charged right in to take her on as a temporary companion to show her the ropes of being a Time Lord and having a TARDIS of her own. Needless to say, she’s trouble for Coach, as she can be a huge tease and she enjoys flustering the poor guy who just doesn’t want the Master to come back from the grave to kill him. It’s all in good fun for her and never serious, though, so nothing of an intimate nature really happens between them.

Finally, whenever Coach regenerated which wouldn't be for a long time, it would be because the chaos magic would become too unstable and the only way he can stay alive is to regenerate into a draconequus. Which gives us -drumroll-

Pandemonium!

Pandemonium is on the chaotic good alignment and he finds a way to bring back Gallopfrey and allow the true pony Doctor and Master to exist. He playfully antagonizes them and tries to keep them on a good path as best he can.

And that's pretty much how the whole thing ends!

When I started Discord Whooves, I was in a pretty dark place. I was bitter, angry, feeling like I had to fill peoples' expectations without really having anything special of my own. Discord Whooves started as a vent blog because A. The Brony fandom's constant pressure on me as a well known voice actor for Derpy, which made me bitter about her, B. Because I was upset I was getting known more for my voice than my main talent, drawing, on top of feeling dysphoric about my feminine voice, and C. The expectations that were on me reflected on how I acted, and I wanted to do something dark without my old name attached to it to prove I could do something interesting besides PG rated radio plays. I gained a lot more popularity than I thought I ever would, and had so much support, and as JitterbugJive I got to be myself without any expectations. It helped me come out eventually not only as BaldDumboRat, but as a transgender male.

Popularity sadly got to my head, it caused a lot of stress and a lot of outbursts and when I started my mod blog I was a very calm person who brushed things off. But more and more people started to pick fights with me and I felt the need to defend myself. This was also during a time I made another vent blog that was for dealing with the abuse I'd been through in the past, so I was facing a lot of demons at the time and could be triggered easily.

And then I had my bi-polar manic episode that made me literally insane for months, which threw me in to a year long depression that destroyed my art for a good while (It looked really really awful during that time, a lot of people noticed it) but the good thing about it was that it got me in touch with a therapist and got me diagnosed not only bi-polar 1 but PTSD, which was a shock to me but it made a lot of sense. I got a PTSD service dog, anxiety medication, bi-polar medication, and while the year of depression sucked I slowly got to pull myself back together and reflect on who I'd been. With anxiety meds I wasn't getting as angry any more, and therapy was helping me properly cope with the past and with the popularity issues. I wanted to be a better person, and I became one.

I even decided to take on a career path where I could help other people like me and like Discord Doctor, becoming a peer wellness specialist to help those experiencing mental illness and addiction. I use my own experiences to connect with them, give them hope, and show them they are not alone and there are people who do understand what they're going through who will help them. The training I went through ended up changing a lot of aspects of how Discord Whooves was treated moving forward, giving him a more realistic journey and showing people a very true message of hope and recovery. And the only reason I'm where I am now is because of experiencing that first psychotic episode that made me reach out for help.

I had two psychotic episodes in the span of Discord Whooves’ run, and they gave me a first hand experience of what it’s like to completely lose control of your own actions. I hurt people, I caused a lot of damage, and I had to face the consequences of those actions. And because of this, I had personal knowledge of what it’s like to come out of such a horrible state, and all the guilt and fear that comes with it. The Doctor’s journey suddenly became so much more personal to me, because I’d been there. And his journey of recovery is to show that despite everything, there’s still hope. Recovery is possible.

Something else my mania did was lead me to the idea of My Magic Grandpa, because my head came up with so many crazy ideas that I wanted to use and I was looking for a lot of inspiration during my depression that it all started coming together. And thus Coach and Suzie evolved into humans in their own story, because I didn't entirely want Discord Whooves to end where Coach and Suzie only just begins. And now they can continue on in their own way, in my own way, and I can let go of a blog about depression and anger and instead make a story about growth and inspiration.

In a way, it's like I regenerated with The Doctor, and I hope people can appreciate that and continue to support me.

I want to thank all the people who have worked with me on this project, be it for crossover, to contribute guest art, to Warden and Lauren and a handful of other people who helped me write the story and brought fantastic characters into it. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you, and the story would be in a much worse place now if it weren’t for everyone’s help.

Thank you all for staying with me on this 12 year journey. Looking back, I've made some dumb mistakes, but I learned a lot from them and your dedication helped me stick to my guns and end my first large scale project! It hit some bumps but dammit I made it happen and I am so happy I did! Now I hope people will check out my other projects that were linked above. I will still produce pony content on @the-character-lounge on occasion when I have the time and motivation.

I want to continue to bring everyone compelling stories that will tug at their emotions, and I don't plan on disappearing. So if you want to continue this journey with me, to see what Coach and Suzie have evolved into, please give my other works a follow!

Thank you, everyone! Your comments on this post in particular would be greatly appreciated! What did you think of the story as a whole? What do you think of Coach being the Doctor’s new life? Are there things you were expecting or wished would be different? How would you have ended the story? Did you enjoy the finale? Did you have a theory that Coach was The Doctor? Who was your favorite character? Favorite moment? Least favorite moment? I want to know! Please talk about it!

[writing-multifandoms]

Avengers + others reacting to reader passing out/getting dizzy.

( headcanons )

REQUESTS ~ CLOSED

The whole team ( like everyone ) :

Peter and Bruce notice the signs first. The way your eyes are glazed over. Whoever is closest to you will grab your arm if you sway or stumble forward.

It kinda depends on why you're feeling faint. If it's because of sickness, Bruce will definitely give you an IV so that you start to get better

If it's because of not sleeping, don't be surprised if they drag you to your room and make you go to sleep for like the whole day.

If it's because you haven't ate, then everyone will start arguing over what you should eat. While everyone is arguing, Steve and Bruce sneak away to the kitchen and get you some chocolate and a glass of orange juice

If there's no reason, then they will make sure to have you sit or lay down. They will also always keep a closer eye on you.

Tony Stark

He probably will tease you about being clumsy. He might even make a little joke or comment about it. Once he realizes that you are dizzy, he instantly goes into action.

If you start to pass out and he cannot reach you in time, he'll have one of his suits get around you so that you don't injure yourself falling.

If you don't wake up pretty much immediately, he's going to get Bruce. He might joke at first but he's still worried about you.

If he does reach you in time, he's going to wrap him arm firmly but gently around your waist. Once your eyes slide close, he picks you up and waits for a few moments. If you don't wake up, he'll take you to Bruce.

Steve Rogers :

He's literally by your side as soon as you stagger to the left. He starts rambling off questions. Asking if you had eaten that day or if you are sleepy.

When you pass out from the overwhelming wave of vertigo, his worry triples. He checks your pulse quickly before picking up your limp form.

It doesn't matter if you were only unconscious for three seconds. He is still taking you to Bruce. He deeply cares for you and would never forgive himself if anything were to happen to you.

He also hovers slightly now. He wants to be close enough to make sure that you are feeling okay and not feeling like you are going to pass out.

Bucky Barnes :

" You okay there, doll?" He says as he moves closer.

Once he gets closer, he gets his answer. You feel the room spinning and you blindly grab whatever is close to you. Turns out is was Bucky's metal arm.

He positions his body to where his normal arm wraps around your waist. He doesn't want to hurt you with his metal arm. He guides you to the closest couch and gets a good look at you.

He is trying to get to the bottom of your dizziness when you end up losing consciousness. Bucky immediately yells for Bruce and checks your pulse.

When you wake up, you're in Bucky's bed, a IV in your arm.

" You gave me quite a scare there, doll."

Thor :

If you get lightheaded on Asgard he takes you to the healers immediately. He's is super worried about you. You mean the world to him.

If you get dizzy on earth, he takes you to Bruce. Will not hesitate to pick you up when he sees the way your eyes glaze over.

Will freak out even more if you end up passing out in his arms. He holds you close in his arms. If you are injured and pass out in battle, Thor is p i s s e d.

When that happens he will not hesitate to kill all nearby enemies, his eyes glowing a deep blue as rage clouds him.

Loki :

He'll react similar to Tony. He most likely will tease you about it and make some smart comments about it.

But the moment, your eyes flutter, he teleports to your side. He's a trickster and likes joking around sometimes. But, he will actually draw a line when it comes to your health or your well being.

Demands Bruce to make sure that you are okay. The good thing is, Loki can teleport/shape shift.

So if he notices from far away that you are close to fainting, he'll immediately be by your side, to make sure you don't fall.

May or may not tease you though.

" You fainted directly into my arms. If you wanted my attention, you did not have to resort to such extremes."

Stephen Strange :

Okay if it's before his accident, he will immediately check you out. He's also a " I told you so." Type of guy so don't be surprised if he scolds you.

He will be worried if you end up passing out. Will take you to the hospital but won't let anyone but him and Christine check you out.

If it's after the accident, then you are kind of in luck. He has been more aware of his thoughts. If he notices that you look like you are able to collapse, he won't hesitate to use his powers.

He'll freeze everything to get to your side. He'll resume time when his arm is snug around your waist. Does panic a bit if you end up passing out. Won't let you do anything for the rest of the day.

If you end up passing out before he can freeze time, his cloak will always beat him to getting to you. His cloak will keep you upright so that strange can pick you up.

Peter Parker :

He could sense something was off. He was worried as he made his way to your side.

" Y/N, you oka-"

You fainted out of nowhere, your eyes rolling back in your head as your knees buckled. He was able to stop you from falling.

He had caught you with a web, a string of strong material had latched on your back. This was good enough until peter was able to get in front of you. You slumped forward in his arms.

" Mr. Stark? What should i- d-d-do?" Fear was evident in his eyes.

" Hold tight, kid. I'll get Bruce."

You awaken three minutes later and Peter has tears in his eyes. He thought you were gone forever.

Bruce Banner

Instant worry. As soon as he notices you start to sway unsteadily on your feet, he's going to pick you up. He will do a thorough exam to try and get to the bottom of it.

If you do end up passing out, he'll catch you and lay your body on the exam table, making sure that you are comfortable. While he does your exam, he'll make sure to keep an hand on your hip to make sure that you won't end up slipping

He feels better if he can find a reason behind your fainting. However, if he can't, then he'll will just make a habit of checking up on you more to see if you are feeling okay.

Natasha Romanoff :

She was already super protective of you. She felt really worried when she noticed what state you were in. Discreetly wraps her arm around your waist and supports a good portion of your weight.

Her grip tightens on you when your knees start to buckle. If you end up passing out, she will lift you into her arms and go in search of Bruce.

She won't leave your side while you are being attended to. She will also hold your hand while you are out. This is so you will recognize her when you wake up so you won't be alone.

May or may not use you feeling dizzy as an excuse to cuddle extra close to you. That way if you do end up passing out she will be close to catch you. + More affection.

Wanda Maximoff :

If she cannot reach you in time when you begin to lose consciousness, she will definitely use her powers. She would levitate you as gently as she could.

It also depends on where you feel dizzy at as well. If you feel dizzy but you are out and about, she will discreetly being you close and wrap her arm around you to keep you upright and steady.

If you start to feel lightheaded at the compound, Wanda will fully use her powers to make sure that you are safe. She will also carry you to bed.

Will not let you get up unless it's to go to the bathroom.

Vision :

Starts asking you questions while guiding you to the nearest soft surface. If you do end up passing out, he will pull you into his arms. He will time how long you are out for. If it's longer than a minute, he's taking you to Bruce.

Also keeps you a little snack stash for whenever you feel lightheaded or feel faint. You have also noticed that he is starting to hover more ( literally and figuratively ). If he notices you start to sway, he'll go right behind you and gently grab you so that you lean back against his chest.

While doing this, Vision will also discreetly check your pulse and temperature, but most times when he does that you are too out of it to even notice.

Just naturally worried about you. He wants you to be happy and healthy so he always makes sure to ask if you are feeling alright. You should also use it to get more cuddles out of him. When you cuddle up to him suddenly out of the blue, he will immediately ask you if you are alright.

Sam Wilson

Takes you to Bruce immediately. No like for real. And don't even get him started if you do end up passing out. Sam loves you so much so he's going to make sure that you are good.

Definitely makes you eat real food. None of that instant stuff. Even if he has to make it himself. If it's stops you from feeling faint, then he's willing to do that for you.

CUDDLING.... MORE CUDDLING.

He is definitely one of those people who loves cuddling with their s/o. If you do end up passing out, he will definitely be taking you to Bruce.

If there is no reason for your fainting then Sam will put you in bed. He will also make sure that you are as comfortable as he can make you. He will also have your favorite snack/food and/or movie ready.

Might make a joke or two about it.

Clint Barton :

( I forgot him oops )

Okay, he's like a mix between Natasha and Tony. He would tease you a little but like the instant he sees that you are looking a little out of it, he kinda panics. He definitely hovers close to you. However long this spell goes on, he will have both hands on you.

Will drag you to Bruce of he has to. He doesn't play around when it comes to your health. Once Clint has you steady he will crack a joke or two after make sure that you're good.

" I guess you could say you're falling for me."

Is a lot more hesitant for you to go into battle. He's now like ten times more protective of you, especially if the enemies know about your fainting spells.

He feels a little better about it if there's a reason behind you feeling woozy. Of it's something that can be fixed like eating enough, he'll make sure he always has snacks/drinks on him when you are around. He'll pull you into his lap and will make sure you are straight .

[cjsinkythoughts]

Inner Conflict

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 3586

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Some Angst, Some Fluff, Sam and Bucky being idiots, Mentions of PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression

A/N: Here’s Part Three to my FATWS Series, which I’m making a masterlist for that you can find Here. 

Uh…it’s a little long, and I apologize for that. It doesn’t even encompass the whole second episode, only the first half, so a Part 3.5 will be coming out later today probably (it’s my day off work so I have all day to relax and write!) I tried not doing a line for line rewrite of the episode, but there are quotes from the show in here. Mostly it’s Reader’s thoughts and feelings towards what’s happening while conversations are going on around. Reader’s backstory is a bit more unfurled. It’s more action packed and more scene-for-scene of the episode than the previous two. Less emotions shared and less hurt/comfort type of thing, but that’ll be back in the next part probably along with more scenes not in the show. The next part I’m planning won’t be as long, it’ll mainly just be the Couples Therapy scene and a bit more angst with her and Sam and her and Bucky.

Because there’s four more episodes and I don’t know what’s going to happen in them, I’m kinda hesitant on spilling out exactly what is going on with the Reader and what her role was on the original team, but we’ll get there. Also, I wasn’t expecting to be writing multiple pieces for one episode, but if the other episodes are as packed as this one, prepare yourself for more parts than anticipated. We’re already on Part 3 and I’ve got Part 3.5 coming. Just bare with me as I don’t know what’s going to happen in future episodes! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it! 

(Not beta’d so excuse any mistakes.)

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

Walking out of the shower, ruffling a towel through your hair to dry it off, you froze at the sound of the TV. A sigh left your lips. It’s all he’d been doing the last few days - watching the news. Keeping up with the tour for the new Captain America.

You peeked out of the small bedroom to find Bucky sitting on the floor, brow creased as he watched John Walker talk to the Good Morning America hostess.

“You shouldn’t be watching that.” You spoke up, leaning on the doorway, still patting your hair dry. He glanced over to you, taking in the towel wrapped around you, before looking back at the TV. Seeing you like that wasn’t anything new. “Buck, I’m serious. Brooding over it won’t make anything better.”

“What do you want me to do?”

You let out a sigh, shifting your feet and biting your lip as you thought about how to respond. “I-I haven’t figured it out yet. But obsessing over the new guy-”

“Aren’t you mad?”

You frowned at his question, his eyes meeting yours once more. “I told you already that I am.”

He tilted his head, which he did when he was confused, his eyes narrowing. “Why don’t you show it? Why aren’t you screaming or cursing or crying or something? You, of all people-”

“Because it won’t help anything, Buck.” You shook your head, pushing off the wall. “I want to. But if I let myself go down that road…” Dropping your gaze to the floor, you take a breath, collecting your thoughts. “This is such a complicated situation, James. I’m being contacted left and right for a statement on the new Captain. People trying to see my reaction. Senators trying to get me to meet with him. I can’t let myself snap. I can’t.”

He scowled. “They’re still bothering you?”

A dry chuckle escaped your lips and you nodded. “Makes me miss the days when no one knew who I was; when I was the behind-the-scenes seventh Avenger. But I made that choice to come out, and I have to deal with the consequences now. Blowing up will only-”

“Even though I never met him…he feels like a brother.”

That one statement stopped you in your tracks. Bucky’s head whipped back to the TV, his jaw ticking, his nose scrunching up.

“Did he really just say that?”

Bucky merely nodded, his chest heaving as he tried getting his breathing under control. “Feel like snapping now?”

You purse your lips as you held in the tears stinging your eyes. After composing yourself, you moved over and grabbed the remote, letting out a tiny sniffle as you did so. You tentatively touched Bucky’s shoulder, silently asking him if he needed anything from you. His response was to open his arms, so you quickly got down besides him to hold him.

“He is my brother, doll.”

“I know, Buck.” You pressed a soft kiss to his head, which rested against your bare shoulder.

Your bare knees are pressed harshly against the wooden panels of the floor, and you’re twisted awkwardly, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. As long as he was comfortable, you would take the uncomfortable position. As long as he was being held, you would take the soreness it would leave. As long as you could help him be some sort of okay, you would take not being okay in this position.

 You two sat like that for a few more moments before your phone buzzed. You gave a sigh, pulling back and holding his cheeks in either hand. He wasn’t crying, although he was on the verge of doing so. You’d seen him cry before, so you knew he didn’t mind. For you it was a different story.

Bucky had maybe seen you cry twice since the whole Blip thing went down. And one of them was over the phone, so he didn’t see it so much as he heard it. You didn’t let yourself cry in front of him. Or anyone, for that matter. It was a part of you. The only person you ever felt comfortable enough around to cry in front of…wasn’t there. And you couldn’t change that.

“We’ll figure it out.” You told him, nodding gently and letting a small, sad smile quirk the corners of your lips up. “Okay? We’ll figure it out.”

The clench in his jaw loosened as your fingers worked circles into the hinge, making him relax and nod back. You pressed a tender kiss to his forehead before standing up, moving across the room to where your phone was on the counter. You assumed it’d be another government official or news reporter, so you were slightly shocked to see ‘Sammy’ flashing up at you.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you read his message, a slight pout forming on your face. 

“Doll?” Toned arms wrapped around you, warm and cool, his chin setting on your shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Sam. He needs my help with something.”

“I’m coming with you.”

You turned in his arms, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Why?”

He shrugged, licking his lips. “You might need help.”

“Bucky, you can’t go if you’re just going to yell at him.”

“I won’t.”

You studied his features. He was lying, you knew that. Of course he was going to snap at Sam for giving up the shield. He was mad and they got on each others’ nerves every chance they could find, so of course he was going to.

But you still found yourself saying yes and telling him to go pack a bag. You were never able to say no to Steve and it seemed that got passed on. What a nuisance it was.

****************

And you were so right. It was the first thing he said once Sam came into view coming down the stairs.

“You shouldn’t have given up the shield, Sam.”

“James.” You squeezed the hand he was holding, voice pleading for him not to do this right now. He huffed, stepping back to let you greet Sam properly, giving the man a hug. “Hi, Sammy.”

“It’s been a while.” Sam commented, pulling back and holding you by the shoulders. “You look good. Not that you’ve ever looked otherwise.”

You gave him a small smile. “You do too.”

“Thanks for coming. I know it’s short notice, but-”

“It’s fine, Sam. Really.” You insist.

Sam nodded, before eyeing Bucky. “Did you have to bring him?”

“Samuel-”

“This is wrong.” Bucky cut in, staring Sam down, falling into step besides him as the man started heading outside.

“James-”

“Hey, hey. Look. I’m working, all right?”

You rolled your eyes as the two started arguing, stopping your stride to take a breather. You used to joke about babysitting them, but it didn’t feel like a joke anymore and you were getting tired of it. All the bickering for no reason. The contempt they held for one another. Steve made you promise that you would look out for them, and you were trying, but they weren’t making it easy.

When you joined them again, you raised an eyebrow at the direction the conversation turned. How the hell did they get from arguing about the shield to what a wizard is?

“Ahh! Haha! A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat!”

You gave Sam a look as he babbled about how he was right. “Sorcerer Mickey has a hat. Isn’t that, like, how he gets his powers and everything?”

Bucky grinned at you. “Thank you!”

“Excuse you!” Sam scoffed, pointing an accusing finger at you. “We were having a conversation!”

“Yeah. A stupid conversation I just ended. Now I’m gonna be in the plane. Feel free to join me when you’re done being idiots.”

They both spluttered, but you were already walking away, leaving no room for arguments. As you loaded onto the plane, you spotted the Lieutenant whom Sam mentioned who had been helping him out with missions. Torres, you thought, remembering his name from a previous phone call with your friend.

“You Lieutenant Torres?” You asked, walking up to him.

He blinked, before his eyes widened, a grin appearing on his face. He seemed young, which you were perfectly okay with considering you’ve been working alongside old men for the past decade. It was always nice to work with a fresh face, which you found after you started working with Wanda and Peter.

The thought of the two youngest members made you falter, not having heard from either of them since Christmas almost six months prior, but you quickly recovered yourself, shaking away the worries you had for them.

“You’re Y/N Y/L/N! I’m a huge fan! I’ve read all your files!”

Chuckling a little, you held out your hand. “Most of those are heavily classified.”

He ducked his head with a little blush, rubbing the back of his neck after shaking your hand. “I, uh, I might’ve…used connections.”

“It’s okay.” You reassured him, throwing him a wink. “I won’t tell. Can you tell me what’s going on? Sam didn’t exactly explain the situation.”

He nodded, getting into ‘work mode’, something you’ve seen in most military men, informing you of their recent missions and the group known as the Flag-Smashers and giving you a file on them. He was in the middle of telling you about his solo mission in Germany when your two fellas came in, sending each other small glares, but remaining quiet.

Bucky caught your eye and sent an apologetic look your way, to which you just smiled at before turning back to Torres.

“Well I’m glad you’re okay.” You told him once he was done.

“Oh yeah. It wasn’t that bad.”

You laughed and nodded. “I’m sure. You seem like a tough kid.”

He smiled, before looking around and jabbing his thumb behind his shoulder. “I-I’ve gotta go, but-”

“We can talk later.” You promised with a grin.

“Really?!”

“Of course! I have a feeling we’ll be working together more, and I like getting to know who’s gonna have my back.”

He beamed and nodded, walking backwards. “That’d be awesome! Talk to you later then!”

You giggled as he turned around and jogged off, pumping his fist in the air. You turned to a grinning Sam and nodded towards where Torres left. “I like him. Seems like a nice kid.”

“He is. Very energetic. A little reckless, but he’s got a good heart.”

You hummed, the smile falling from your face as you flipped through the file Torres gave you. “So…Munich?”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry again for taking you away from the search, but-”

“Search is off.” You informed him quickly, not looking up. “Until further notice.”

The plane went quiet, before Sam cleared his throat. “So…no sign of Wanda yet, then?”

You shut the file, looking up at the men whose features were laced with concern. “I’m gonna go talk to the pilot. Behave while I’m gone. No pushing each other off the plane.”

“Doll?”

You were stopped by the hand that grabbed your wrist as you passed Bucky. You shot him another smile, knowing it wasn’t convincing enough for him, but it being the best one you had. “I’m okay. I’ve just gotta ask him some questions.”

************

Opening your mouth to stop him, you groaned when Bucky jumped out of the plane before you could speak. First Sam jumps without sharing the plan, then Bucky jumps without having a plan. Or a parachute. Or wings. Or anything.

Torres looked at you, but all you could do was shrug. “I dunno what to tell you, kid.”

“You’re not gonna do that, are you?”

“No.” You reassured him, shaking your head. “I’m gonna wait ‘til we land like a normal person and take my bike. I just have to pray that they’ll wait to do anything stupid until I get there.”

They didn’t wait. You’re pretty sure they didn’t even think about waiting. By the time you got to them, they were fighting - and losing, might you add - to six really strong people on top of two semi trucks.

Because why wouldn’t they?

Oh, oh. And on top of that, the fake was there, throwing the shield. The shield that didn’t belong to him. The shield that meant so much more than he would ever know.

“Hi, doll! Sorry we started the party without you!” Bucky shouted from where he was hanging off the edge, that close to the street and getting his head torn off by the tire.

“I’m so tired of babysitting you two, you know that?!”

“Oh! Sorry we’re such an inconvenience for you! Blame him! He jumped the gun!” Sam shouted, coming to fly next to you as you rolled up your sleeves, standing on your bike, using one hand to steer.

“Can I get a little help already?!”

“Sam-!”

“On it!”

Knowing that no matter how much they pissed each other off, Sam would make sure Bucky was okay and vice versa, you focused on getting to the top, where Walker and a buddy of his were struggling a little bit.

You climbed up to the roof of the semi no one was on, wincing when you heard your bike skidding across the pavement. There goes half your salary.

You couldn’t dwell on it for very long, considering one of the guys appeared in front of you. You recognized the fighting - the strength - and faltered, a memory resurfacing at a very bad time.

~

“C’mon, honey. You can do better than that.” Steve grinned at you, holding out a hand to help you up.

“Excuse me for not having super strength, Rogers.” You huffed out, taking it and letting him pull you up.

“You don’t need to be stronger than me. You just need to be smarter.”

“That’ll be easy.” You teased, stretching your arms before getting into your stance again. “You’re a dumbass sometimes.”

“Yeah, well, who chose to be friends with this dumbass?”

“Everyone needs a dumbass for a friend.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “So I’m your dumbass?”

“If you want.”

The grin he shot you made your heart skip a beat. “If you’ll have me.”

~

You blinked, but Steve wasn’t in front of you anymore and you weren’t in the gym in DC. 

The guy caught the punch you distractedly threw and twisted your arm, making you cry out, kicking him in the back of the knee and flipping him over your shoulder.

You went to kick him again, but he caught your leg and threw you against the side of the other semi. You were able to grab onto where Bucky had ripped through the side, but you winced as the metal cut through your palm. Sam had just flown under the trucks, taking Buck with him, and you knew when a fight wasn’t worth it, so you quickly moved around the truck, letting Walker and his pal distract the Flag-Smashers, before letting yourself fall onto the side where the grass was.

You wanted to lay there, to catch your breath and curse yourself for getting distracted. You hadn’t had a flashback like that in a while. But you didn’t let yourself. You had to make sure the guys were okay.

Standing up made you cringe; you could feel the throbbing in your shoulder from where it was no doubt dislocated and your leg was aching, the muscle probably pulled when the guy threw you.

“Doll!” You turned, seeing Bucky and Sam sprinting towards you a few yards down the road. “Hey, hey.” Bucky immediately had his hands hovering over you, scanning your body. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, shoving his hands away. “I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“I think I dislocated it.”

Sam frowned. “What the hell happened?”

You gave him a weird look, starting to limp across the field to where you noticed a side road earlier. “They were super soldiers, Sam. And we got our asses kicked.”

“Yeah, but you know how to fight a super soldier-”

“It’s been a while.”

“Bullshit.” Sam side stepped in front of you, making you stop. “What happened?”

“I-I just got distracted, okay?”

“Y/N. Look at me.” Bucky took your face between his palms, eyes worried. “Are you okay?”

You nodded. A tired sigh left your lips and you looked anywhere but his eyes. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just hurting. My leg, I think I pulled it or something-”

“C’mere.” Bucky turned and crouched down, making you blink.

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be walking. We don’t wanna make it worse.”

“But it’s just a strain, it won’t-”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Just get on the man’s back, Y/N.”

You bit your lip before sighing and carefully climbing on his back. He shifted you gently, making sure to hold your leg with caution, leaning his head into yours when you hooked your chin on his shoulder. “You-you don’t have to talk about what happened. Just-just know that when you do…I’ll be here, okay?”

You nodded, moving to press your nose against the column of his throat. “Okay.”

But you could never tell them. How could you? How could you tell the world’s longest POW that you were having nightmares? How could you complain to an Air Force vet who served two tours in Afghanistan and watched his best friend get blown out of the air that you were having flashbacks?

You weren’t sure if it was PTSD or anxiety or depression. Maybe all three. It didn’t matter, though, because you didn’t want to admit it. You wouldn’t admit it. No one thought the Blip messed you up that badly. No one thought Steve leaving did that much damage. And you were okay with that. You were okay with them thinking you were healing - that you were fine - because they needed to see that it could be done. That they could be fine, too. Especially the men walking, Sam teasing Bucky per usual.

It wasn’t until a horn honked that you allowed yourself to be pulled out of your thoughts. A scoff left you when you realized who it was, switching the side you were laying on so your cheek pressed up against the cool metal of his left shoulder, facing away from the jeep.

You tried ignoring the guy as he talked about working together and shit, taking a shuddering breath, making Bucky squeeze your uninjured thigh. There was no way you were working with him. You couldn’t. It’d be like betraying Steve and you didn’t need that on top of all the other things you were dealing with.

You couldn’t deny the need for a ride though. The airport was 20 miles away and you were hurting pretty bad. You suspected that was the reason the guys relented, Bucky tenderly setting you down in the jeep between him and Sam, careful of your injuries.

You stared at your lap as Walker and Sam talked shop. You understood where they were coming from, you were always able to see both sides of the coin, but it didn’t mean you were going to willingly work with him.

“I got mad respect for all of y’all, but you were kind of getting your asses kicked till we showed up.”

You scoffed at that, finally raising your eyes to meet Walker’s friend’s. “Like you were doing any better?”

Bucky reached over to grab her hand that was resting on her lap. “You know, I’ve been trying to get in contact with you.” Walker faced you, eyes raking down your form. Bucky shifted in his spot, but you ran your thumb over his knuckles before he could do or say anything stupid.

“Yeah. I know. My phone hasn’t stopped blowing up for a week. Thanks for that, by the way.”

Walker frowned. “If you just answered-”

“I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you’ve done. I’ve been a little busy doing my job to blow smoke up your ass on national television. Sorry if my saving people’s lives has been an inconvenience for you, but some wannabe playing dress up isn’t my top priority.”

Walker’s brows furrowed and he was about to say something, when Bucky cut in, asking his friend who he was. You were already that close to jumping out of the jeep, when the guy, Hoskins, told you three that he went by ‘Battlestar’.

If the situation wasn’t so aggravating, you would’ve laughed when Bucky immediately told the driver to stop, opening the door before the car even stopped. “C’mere, doll.” He murmured, lifting you up into his arms bridal style, before walking off, tuning out Walker as he shouted after you two.

You pouted a little when you saw Sam still talking to the guy. “What’re they talking about, Buck?”

“Some nonsense about him not replacing Steve. Just trying to be the best Captain America he can.”

You laid your head against Bucky’s chest. “The best Captain America is Steve. He can never be Steve.”

“I know, doll.”

“Steve told me once that all he was trying to do was be a good man…it’ll always amaze me that he didn’t see he was the best.”

You missed the distraught look Bucky shot towards you, the look in his eyes almost heartbroken while you talked fondly about his best friend. The tortured scrunch to his features seemed to melt away at your next words, though, and he held you tighter as you curled into his hold.

“Just like it amazes me that you don’t know how important you are to me too, Buckaroo.”

[professorrw]

Don't Fake It

marvel masterlist

Pairing: female reader x Peter Quill

Request: peter starts getting frisky with the reader but shes tired and isn’t really in the mood. He would never pressure her or anything but she wants to make him happy and feels bad saying no, so she does it and fakes her orgasm just to get it over with. Later, he somehow finds out (or knew all along, you decide) that she faked it and of course his ego is bruised and he’s kinda annoyed, but also feels guilty she didn’t tell him how she felt. So the next night, she starts coming onto him and he makes damn sure she never fakes it again. Then after, she apologizes for faking it and it gets kinda fluffy because hes like “hey, its not good for me if you’re not having as much fun as I am. I have a right hand if i’m that desperate.”

Warnings: smut, 18+, fluff, faking an orgasm, protected sex, rough sex

A/N: Requests open, taglist open, inbox open! Please like, comment, and reblog!

Sleep was calling your name, digging its claws into you and dragging you into the dark depths of slumber. But there was something stopping it. That thing was Peter. He was wide awake and his sex drive was in full throttle. You weren’t feeling up to it though. The long day at work had taken a toll on you, and the only thing you wanted to do was go to sleep.

You loved Peter, everything about him. You didn’t want to deny him sex, especially when he was being so sweet about it. Your back was to him so he could cuddle you while you slept, but he started to kiss your shoulders and the part of your back that was exposed by your tank top.

“Mmm what is it baby?” you asked groggily.

“I want you,” he replied unashamedly. You could feel Quill shifting his weight behind you. He was peering over your shoulder, trying to look at you. He had missed you all day and you were finally home. What he didn’t know was that you were tired, and not in the mood.

“Oh really?” you mumbled.

“Mhm, I missed you today.” You couldn’t see him but by his sweet tone of voice you could tell that he was sticking his bottom lip out and giving you puppy dog eyes. You smiled and turned around, cupping his face in your hands.

"You know you're adorable right?" you teased.

He smiled, "I know, that's why you can't resist all of this." He wiggled his eyebrows, making you laugh. He was just too cute. You didn't want to tell him no.

When you stopped laughing he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. The kiss quickly elevated, his hand snaking up your tight shirt and pressing heat against your lower abdomen. While your eyes were closed, sleep called your name once more, but you ignored it.

Peter pulled back for a minute and reached over to the night stand. He grabbed a condom and pulled his boxers down and put it on, tossing the wrapper back onto the table. He switched positions and crawled on top of you. His face drew closer and he kissed you while he pulled down your sweat shorts.

He got the lube too and squirted some on his covered dick and rubbed the leftovers around near your entrance. With dick in hand he guided his length into you, easing it in as to not hurt you. He let out a long sigh when he got to moving. At least he was feeling good, you thought. Peter was making you feel good too, but you were so tired that if it weren't for the movement you would have fallen asleep.

The pleasure wasn't building like it usually did. You wanted to cum, you wanted to show Peter that he was doing a good job. But you weren't feeling it, and you knew you weren't going to cum. You didn't want to hurt Peter's feelings so as he reached his peak speed and his head lolled back you moaned extra loud, "I'm gonna cum!"

"Me too," he groaned back. His hips pounded into you and his balls slapped against you as he came in his condom. You kept on moaning a little, acting like you had actually cum too.

Peter slowed then pulled out. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and went to the bathroom to clean up. He went to take his condom off and realized there was no cum on the outside of it. You said you had cum, but there wasn't anything other than lube on there. Quill didn't want to assume you had faked it, but he didn't want to ask right away either.

He threw the condom away and went back to your bedroom. You were already out cold, and when Peter saw he sighed and crawled into bed, completely dejected. He was embarrassed that he couldn’t make you cum, and a little annoyed that you wouldn’t just tell him. But he let those thoughts drift away so he could fall asleep.

The next morning you woke up early for work again. Peter was still asleep so you didn’t wake him and instead went about your morning routine. Three minutes before you needed to leave you wrote a little note on the refrigerator for him, “I hope you slept well hunny, I’ve already left for work by the time you wake up but I just wanted to say I love you and I’ll see you later <3”

About an hour later Quill rolled out of bed and dragged himself into the kitchen. He wasn’t a morning person by any means. The coffee machine beeped and he pushed himself off of the counter to pour himself a cup. He set his mug down on the counter and went to the refrigerator to get milk and creamer. Your note, which he noticed just then, made him stop mid pull. He shut the refrigerator and took the note off so he could get a better look at it. A tired smile spread on his face.

Then he remembered last night. It was odd that there wasn’t anything on his condom, and you didn’t get up to clean yourself off right after he did. Now that he thought about it, you went straight to sleep. How unusual. He pushed the thought aside and decided he would bring it up later. It wasn’t making him mad, but he was a little wounded that you had faked it, or if you even did fake it.

Lucky for you, work was slow and you got off early. On the way home you picked up lunch for you and Peter. It was in a way an apology for your tiredness last night and faking your orgasm, whether he knew about it or not.

Keys jingling together you unlock the door and step in with takeout in hand. “Quill I’m home!” you shout.

He power walks out of the bedroom and just about tackles you into a bear hug. You giggle and kiss his stubbled cheek. “I missed you,” you say into his ear.

“I missed you moooore,” he replies. “How was work?”

“Better than yesterday, I’ll tell you that. Plus I got off early, so that’s even better. I get to spend more time with you.” You kiss his cheek again and he smiles before setting you back down. The food gets set on the kitchen counter and you pull out the chinese you got. You hand Peter his usual order and take out your own.

There’s only the quiet sound of eating for a few minutes before Peter says something. “Y/N I need to ask you something.”

You look over at him. He rarely calls you by your first name. That means he’s being serious. “What is it?”

He wants to ask about your orgasm but you’re right in the middle of eating and he doesn’t want to interrupt you. He can just ask later, he thinks to himself. He thinks of something else to ask and quickly thinks of, “Can you pass me some soy sauce?”

You quirk an eyebrow at him but hand him a few packs and go back to eating.

Later that night, a few hours later, you were laying in bed doing nothing in particular. Thoughts of last night were filling both your heads. Peter was set on trying to ask you about it, and you were set on trying to make up for it.

The both of you were sitting up in bed and you set your phone down on your bedside table and leaned over. You set a hand on Peter’s bare chest and he instantly stopped what he was doing. His eyes shot to yours, a sly smile on your face. He could tell exactly what it was you wanted.

“Peter,” you whispered against his lips. Your mouth was an inch away from his and your eyes were drifting between his and his lips. He parted his mouth and leaned forward, capturing you before you could make a move. You were trying to take the lead, but he wasn’t letting you.

He overpowered you, flipping you around and putting you on your knees. His bulge was against your ass and he was rubbing circles against it. The intensity he was showing was like nothing before. Whatever it was that was riling him up you needed to find out. It would have to wait until later though, because your panties being dragged down your thighs was the only thing you could think of.

A condom and lube had already been taken out of the drawer, and Peter was putting them on. The room was silent other than the rustling of sheets and your heart hammering in your chest. Then there was the squirting of the lube and you knew it was about to come. The cold goo was smeared on your folds and slightly inside of them by Quill’s rough fingers.

His tip, covered by a condom, was right at your entrance in a second, and in just one more, it was inside you. Your whole body was pushed forward with the force that Peter was thrusting. You were moaning and panting, and he was smiling between his own groans. His goal was to make sure you never had to fake an orgasm again. And with the way things were going you wouldn’t need to.

“Oh- Oh my god!” The way he was slamming into you was so quick and hard the pressure inside of you was building like a balloon being blown up.

His hands were holding you and keeping you from falling over. If they weren’t you would have smacked into the headboard. You couldn’t stay on your hands any longer, you dropped to your elbows, back making a beautiful arch for Quill.

The unbearable speed was tiring Quill out, but it was also making his orgasm come even quicker. He grabbed your shoulders, giving himself even more leverage to thrust with.

Your knees were trembling, jelly below you. But you wouldn’t have to hold that position for much longer. That balloon inside you popped like too much air had been blown into it. Your walls clenched around Peter’s cock, and the cum he was searching for yesterday covered his condom. He kept his pace, legs killing him and pelvis hitting your ass.

He let out a loud groan, and cum leaked and squirted from his tip. He let go of your shoulders, seeing a red handprint there. He pulled out of you, your cum dribbling out when he did. He smiled, satisfied that he had done what he set out to do.

Your lower half ached and you all but collapsed onto your pillows. You flipped over and saw Peter above you, buttcheeks against the heels of his feet and catching his breath. You laughed just a little and he opened his eyes.

“What?” he asked.

“That was something else,” you admitted with a smile.

“Good.” He crawled onto his stomach and laid next to you with his head on his arms. You scooted over closer to him, laying on your back with your hands set on your stomach.

“Y/N,” he sat up, “last night,” he started.

“I already know what you’re going to say. I’m sorry. I should have told you. I was just super tired last night and I didn’t want to deny you.” You looked down at your stomach but Peter turned your face back to his with his thumb.

“It’s okay, really. I’m sorry I didn’t catch that you weren’t in the mood. If you ever don’t want to do stuff just tell me okay? I won’t be upset. Besides, it’s not good for me if you aren’t having as much fun as I am. I have a right hand if I get that desperate.” He waved his right hand and grinned.

You giggled, “I promise I won’t do it again.”

[lavendermoonlitskies]

What kind of fanworks do you create? What styles and themes do you like to explore: fanfic! I’ve only really written a handful of them but I find that I end up writing a lot about why I think Aziraphale and Crowley are the way that they are. They all seem to be a hurt/comfort kind of vibe with a happy ending because personally I feel like I need a happy ending in order to be satisfied with a fic.

I see Aziraphale as this sort of anxious people-pleaser type who tries veeery hard to be Heaven’s idea of “good”, but can also kind of see that he’ll never be good enough for them no matter how hard he tries (but still it’s like he’ll never stop trying). I think that, even if he doesn’t quite realize it yet in the show, Crowley is kind of his whole world and he’d do just about anything to protect him, even if that means pushing him away and leaving behind the life they had together that made him so happy. I.e. I think putting his own well-being aside to protect others is very in-character for him and I like exploring that in various scenarios.

Meanwhile I think Crowley has a looot going on inside his head that he has no intention of sharing with anyone ever. I enjoy exploring whatever that may be in my writing, since it’s not exactly clear in the show. He’s very abrasive and tries to play off this facade that he’s “not nice”, but I think we all know that’s a lie and he’s really just that way because he’s been through a lot, and maybe he also just has a bunch of feelings that he doesn’t know what to do with. He’s the type to ~never let anyone see him cry~ and I think it’s a very interesting concept to explore what he might be like behind closed doors.

So anyways most of what I write ends up exploring those ideas in one way or another.

Which of your works are you most proud of? Tell us why and link to work if possible: this is like asking a parent who my favorite child is lol. I have two main works that I am equally proud of so I’m just gonna talk about them both.

Bad Omen

This was the first one I started working on, before then I hadn’t even thought about fanfic since about 2016. It started out as just me wanting to give myself a happy ending for these two because when I started it, we didn’t know if we were getting a season 3. As I got more sucked into the story, I started exploring the themes I had kinda absent-mindedly implemented (the whole thing with the owls/how after Aziraphale falls he has an owl-shaped tattoo so you’re left to think that that must be his demonic symbol and he’s a demon now(things may not be as they seem)) and it ended up being this cool twist on the stereotype of owls being a bad omen. It actually got quite a bit more attention than I’m used to and honestly the positive comments here helped motivate me to work on what was my next project: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49812586/chapters/125742520

Dream A Little Dream of Me

When I thought up the central concept of this one I got sooo excited, I thought it was such a cool concept to explore. In this one, from the beginning anyways, Crowley keeps seeing Aziraphale in his dreams after they part ways at the end of season 2. They’re in all these different historical scenarios, having these sort of philosophical discussions about good and evil (very much like what they do in the show), while there’s this new romantic undertone that wasn’t there before now that Crowley is starting to accept his feelings for what they are. He’s also a bit more honest within the safety of his own head than he would be in real life. The next part I’m gonna talk about is a bit of a spoiler so if you’re interested and don’t want to know any more about what happens, just skip the next paragraph and click the link under it! :)

*!!!Spoiler!!!* What he doesn’t know is that the Aziraphale in his dreams isn’t just a figment of his imagination, and Aziraphale had been using his angelic ability to enter people’s dreams to visit Crowley without letting him know it’s really him. My thinking was that he did it this way because 1) it was literally the only way he could think of to see Crowley again, 2) by letting Crowley think he’s just a part of the dream and isn’t the real Aziraphale, they could more or less go back to normal. It’s all fake anyway and Crowley knows that, but to him, this version of Aziraphale in his head isn’t the one that left. There’s no “elephant in the room” so-to-speak, and so they’re kind of both content just speaking with each other as if Aziraphale had never left at all, even if that contentment comes from two very different places. Anyways I’m sucker for stories that are this sort of tragic yet hopelessly romantic kind of vibe, so I really do love how this one came out (I hope I haven’t been too annoying spamming y’all’s dashes with it though lol):

What is it about Good Omens motivated you to start creating: There’s just sooo much left up to the imagination. Good Omens is such an interpretation-friendly story, and so there’s really a million different ways you can view why the characters act the way they do and what could possibly happen next (even at the end of season 1 before 2 came out). That’s not to say that the source material is “empty” by any stretch of the imagination, but it seems to want you to guess what happens next without making it terribly obvious, and man is it fun to do that.

How do you find inspiration for your fan works: Not to be that person but it often just comes to me very late at night and I’m like immediately like I GOTTA WRITE THIS DOWN no matter how late it is lol.

But I do read other people’s work on pretty much a daily basis and I absolutely ADORE seeing everyone’s gorgeous fanart all over my dash :)

One piece of advice you can give to others who share your craft: I often have to tell myself this, but PLEASE don’t be afraid that people won’t like your work. Sure, some people may not, and that’s okay, but there will ALWAYS be someone who does. Even if it feels like you’re just writing for one person or a couple people, that’s a whole human being who, with their own thoughts and opinions on the world and the content you guys are bonding over, cares about what you have to say and wants to know more. Isn’t that cool?

Where can we find all of your creations: Here’s my ao3 :)

I have a fan account on tiktok where I’ve also posted mini-fics but honestly I haven’t touched that account in weeks and tiktok may or may not be getting banned in my country so who knows if there’s even a point in sharing that lol.

Our fandom ecosystem relies on the amazing writers, artists, gif makers, playlist creators, meme queens, and meta detectives who keep us engaged. So this week, let's talk about the life blood of fandom: Fanworks.

What kind of fanworks do you create? What styles and themes do you like to explore: 

Which of your works are you most proud of? Tell us why and link to work if possible:

What is it about Good Omens motivated you to start creating: 

How do you find inspiration for your fan works:

One piece of advice you can give to others who share your craft:

Where can we find all of your creations:

Click here to copy questions, then reblog and add your answers! Or go back to the original post to start a fresh chain. Please tag with good omens ask series for anyone wants to filter this post!