#they're virgins and depressed the only thing fucking them is life

[torgawl]

sorry but i can't take anyone who discusses if characters in a ship are tops or bottoms seriously

[thebearme]

Got any re8 Heisenberg headcanons? (I definitely am so normal about him)

Don't worry, I'm completely normal about him too.

Ethan works with Karl to stop Miranda, but they aren't exactly friends after that, but they learn to like each other.

Chris was originally was going to put Karl into the military as a living bioweapon, but with enough convincing. Ethan got him to just let stay with him and Rose. They're roommates now.

Karl is thankful for Ethan to help him avoid that fate, but he is still frustrated on how his life is in someone's hand. Now he has to listen to Ethan or run the risk of being killed or weaponized. So the anger is the living arrangement is mutual.

Karl tends to be untrusting of everyone, like a feral stray dog. So Karl stays in the basement and minds his business.

Ethan and Mia had a mutual divorce, The relationship was built on rocky ground, and they understand that. But what Mia doesn't understand is why Ethan would have this moldy hobo live with him, and frankly- he doesn't know either.

Karl was a stinky man. His hands are rough and dry, chipped sharp nails that seem to always have something underneath them despite that fact of him wearing gloves most of the time. He covered in a layer of grease, sweat and car oil, smells like copper, gasoline, sweat, cigars, rain dew and a hint of mold and rot. LOVEY ISN'T IT! A sensory overload dream. His hair WILL make a crunchy noise if touched, and don't bother trying to comb through it.

Ethan made sure that his mf got a shower with some actual soap. He may look the same but trust in the fact if you were in a room with him, you'll actually be able to hug him without getting high from the gasoline.

Karl's hair gets so fluffy when conditioned.

It took months before Ethan trusted Karl in watching Rose or let alone hold her.

Karl LOVES sweets.

He originally didn't know about Home Depot because Ethan was worry that there will quickly be no Home Depot.

There's no longer a Home Depot.

Heisenberg will melt when he hears Rose's first words.

The day that Heisenberg finds out what a Samsung fridge is- IT'S OVER!

Heisenberg lived off of military ration meals till now, so he has to resort to the next best thing here: hungry man TV dinners. And kid cuisine when Rose goes into solid food.

HE CAN COOK! To be particular, grill. But he's kinda going through that depression that led you to not take care of himself.

Karl HATES the rain, It rusts all his metal, and he is in content risk of getting struck by lightning, He's a living lightning rod. Ethan tries to be nice and help him by giving him a rubber rain suit, leading him to wear three layers of protection: fishing overalls, rain boots, raincoat, rubber gloves, rain hat and a rubber poncho.

You can hear him from a mile away with all that rubber squeaking.

Heisenberg surprisingly was a virgin for a long time, and it makes sense. He was too busy in his factory to be with anyone romantically nor platonically, let alone get laid. He never really cared till he thought about it now, especially when Ethan has living proof that he fucked. *CUT TO FUNNY KARL SPEED DATING SEQUENCE* this is probably a very sharp contrast to others hc of karl but idc it's my hc

Heisenberg and Ethan have that opposite attract dynamic, Karl gets to teach him that life doesn't end or need to be tense just because they're mole zombies. While Ethan teaches Karl to unpack his years trauma, cuz that shit will come to haunt you.

Ethan found some room for Heisenberg to sleep upstairs instead.

Eventually Ethan gets so close with Heisenberg he actually starts calling him by his first name.

That was noticed by Mia and Chris, which made them nervous in where Ethan loyalty would lie when something were to happen.

Heisenberg never had clean water before, so just imagine him with the crisp 3am water.

Chris only allows Karl to experience the outside monthly. But Ethan sneaks Karl with him when he can. As long, he doesn't scare anyone in town.

Karl is like a caveman entering the present day, He's culture shock is out of this world.

He loves the phrase "metal as fuck."

When Karl has a nightmare he rearrange his room to push all the metal out or nap in the living room. When Karl and Ethan got closer he started sleeping in Ethan's room. Even though their hearts beat slow, the human warmth is still there.

Karl never wants to talk about what his nightmare was about or why he feels better sleeping in a room with less metal.

Here some songs that I always relate to Heisenberg:

Now I'm about to go into what my hc is for Heisenberg before re8.

tw body horror and child abuse

I have the headcanon that Karl wasn't from the village, but his family was. He was born in the states and unknowingly has the genes that make him very susceptible to the mold mutation. Eventually, after his grandfather died and passed the factory/mines to his parents, they all moved to Europe. Explaining the contrasting transatlantic accent.

But like all things, Miranda had to ruin. She noticed the newcomers of the village; she saw how they also have a child and decided to take action. Miranda killed Karl Heisenberg's parents and took him in to experiment on with the cadou parasite.

His gift was unknown till one check up later after all of his complaints of feeling of something tearing into him. Miranda realized that there seems to be scraps of metal like nuts and bolts dug and tear through into his body to his bones like a magnet.

When he's in is REM sleep, his electromagnet powers moves and attract scraps of metal to him. Leaving him to wake up with blood on his sheets, but the wound already healed like nothing happened. But Karl does know it feels harder to move every day.

Miranda made sure to test him on his gift. He looks completely human and is powerful, he was almost perfect… The one single flaw in him is the fact that even as a helpless child that had no one else to rely on but her. He still hated her.

Heisenberg was the youngest of the four lords and the favorite, and he hated it. Dude would just spend all his time by himself, leaving himself tape recorders. He eventually started to entertain himself as if he was a radio host. The theater kid possesses him.

Eventually when he got older he got into contact with The Duke and was able to purchase tapes and machinery scraps from him. The tapes turned out to be American documents of ww2, leading Heisenberg to his American freedom fighter rhetoric.

When he detransform from his big monster form, he has to go get a lil help. He has to get rid of the pieces of metal without just tearing off pieces of his flesh, That shit is hard to grow back you know!

[cornyonmains]

Decided to read the novel for My Stand In, which is titled Professional Body Double. I'm a little disappointed with some of the changes the show made. Needless to say, novel spoilers ahead, though I won't touch on anything that hasn't happened in the show, as I'm only halfway through the book. Anyways, on to my first beef with the show.

One of the most informative aspects of Joe's character was changed. In the novel, Joe had also never been on bottom before, but that wasn't because he was holding out for someone special. At the beginning of the novel Joe is fielding offers for threesomes, the guy's been around the block and doesn't have a huge attachment to his virginity. Joe's character never bottomed because he'd quite simply never gotten the offer thanks to his more masculine looks. What makes this even more depressing is you find out that he thought it might have been his preference in the first place, but Joe being Joe, advocated about as well for himself during sex as he did anything else.

I think it was unwise to switch things up the way they did, because it really does explain a lot about why Joe was willing to suffer so many indignities to be with Ming. Joe asked for very little from the people in his life and didn't get it. Joe never really stood a chance when Ming came along and started giving him what he wanted.

Another thing I thought it was a shame the show didn't highlight is that in the novel, there's a fairly considerable age gap between Joe and Ming. Ming is 20 and Joe is 30. This actually offered a lot of explanation as to why Joe ignored a lot of Ming's red flags. He didn't ignore them, he just chalked a lot of it up to Ming being young and spoiled. But that's not to say the novel lets Joe off the hook.

Joe was, and I truly do lack a better word to describe this, completely servile to Ming. In the novels he waited on him hand and foot, created no real sexual boundaries with him, and preferred placating Ming's temper over challenging it. He was willing to meet any conditions for them to be together.

Ming's character progression is something I wish the show could have found a way to depict. Because during this time, Ming's development wasn't stagnant. What Joe had right, to an extent, was that Ming was young and still learning how to process his feelings. Towards the end of their first relationship, Ming had managed, for the most part, to regard Joe as completely distinct from Tong, and not just as a replacement. It's heavily implied he was in love with Joe, but just didn't know how to process these realizations that kept coming to him in piecemeal.

Ming liked the happy and relaxed environment he had with Joe in his condo, he was convinced nobody would ever be as sexually compatible with him as Joe, and he'd actually wanted to support him the first time Joe came home completely exhausted from set, but didn't say anything about it until he fucked up. Ming, who ran away to America as soon as he realized he was gay, did what Ming always did, he was quietly processing things, and was too young and stupid to give Joe a clue. He took for granted that Joe would be, in HIS words, obedient and docile.

The author of this, Shui Qian Qeng, is so good at writing gay toxicity it's stupid. It made me wonder if they're part of the community, but we don't speculate in this house, it's just a passing thought I had due to how nuanced the depiction of sexual confusion in this book is, particularly with Sol's character. Sexual confusion in BL tends to play very formulaically on screen. Existential crisis, a few heartfelt conversations, one cursed episode, a kiss at the end of the season, and everyone lives happily ever after. In the novel, Sol struggles for years, and is still processing his sexuality in an unhealthy way because the 'I'm straight, but only gay for this one guy in particular' trope so often used in BL is used in this novel, but to convey denial and sexual struggle. Upon Joe's death, Sol is still saying he's straight, but that Joe's the exception. This is treated with much deserved skepticism. Shui Qian Qeng, as a queer person who knows you're not reading this, bless you for that. I so desperately wish Sol's story would have been better adapted for the show.

To wrap things up on a lighter note, I also found out by reading this novel that tops and bottoms are referred to as ones and zeros in China. And my sheltered Midwestern ass was like, "Well that's rude." because one of them was a zero. Then I was like, "Well why would someone refer to themselves as a zero? That's not healthy." Then I started thinking about what the numbers looked like, 0 and 1, and was like, "Oh." It was an emotional rollercoaster.

[pippin-katz]

Hey!

Why does Henry rebuff Alex during their first meeting? Like when Alex greets him, he walks away ignoring him.. What's the theory there?

I'm kinda new here and if this was already discussed or known, my apologies 😊

No prob! I like explaining things, even if it's obvious or everyone is like "we know already". My little neurodivergent brain gets happy when I make neat essays with GIFs and sections and whatnot lol

Post Writing Note: once again, this very simple question with a fairly simple answer turned into a fucking essay and I am so sorry lmfao, I know I said I like making them but I did not intend this to be a long one!! You have been warned!!

Foreword Regarding The Canon

I, and I assume most viewers who have also read the book, interpret the film's canon to be a combination of the film's events, and parts of the book that we didn't see, but could've happened anyway. Things like what was said in the emails, Bea's history with drug abuse, Pez' foundation, and whatnot are sort of meshed together with the film in my mind; just because the film didn't have the time to show it to us does not mean it did not happen in that version of their world. I say this cause I'm going to be discussing both the book and the film.

Also a key: Pink - internal dialogue from the book Red - Alex's dialogue in both versions Blue - Henry's dialogue in both versions

Establishing The Basics

I assume you’re referring to this moment during the greeting line:

Side note: Alex’s face at the end never fails to make me laugh 😂

While this is their first interaction in the film, it’s not their first meeting, as they explain that they met at the Melbourne Climate Conference a few years ago. In the book, they met in Rio at the Olympics when they were teenagers. The only difference this makes is that they're more mature in the film than the book, but it doesn't change much.

The beats for how their first meeting went are practically identical.

Alex approached Henry to introduce himself. Henry, who was dealing with his grief and depression after his father’s passing, was an ass.

He looks at him unkindly; in the film, Alex describes it as: “like he had head lice”, and in the book, Alex describes it as: “like I was the most offensive thing you had ever seen”. Either way, he looked at him in a way that visibly communicated a dislike or lack of respect for him.

Then he turns to Shaan and says he needs to leave, though the wording is different between book and film. In the film, he says, “I need to get out of here” -which Alex mishears as "get me out of here"- while in the book, he says, “Can you get rid of him?”.

Henry Meeting Alex

Admittedly, the line from the book is far more rude, but Henry does explain far later -after Alex storms Kensington Palace and they agree that they’re committed to being together- through an email what he was thinking during their first meeting. I see no reason for these thoughts to be any different in the film's context, as the reason for Henry's behavior is still rooted in his depression and trauma surrounding his father's death. They're also relevant to understanding Henry's behavior.

You might have seen edits or mentions of this email because it’s one of the most memorable.

Henry explains he had been dealing with his trauma by basically compartmentalizing the most impactful -mostly negative- events of his life into “rooms”. He puts those moments into “rooms” in his head, based on the layout of Buckingham Palace. He chooses which room based on how traumatic or impactful it was; two examples he mentions are losing his virginity in college, which he shoves it into “the smallest, most cramped little broom cupboard” he could find, and the night his father died, which he puts in “the biggest room, a ballroom, wide open and dark, windows drawn and covered”.

But when he saw Alex for the first time, he felt such a strong reaction that he took it “down to the gardens” and “pressed it into the leaves of a silver maple and recited it to the Waterloo Vase”. He quite memorably says, “It didn’t fit in any rooms.”

Then he describes what Alex looked like, and how he was talking to Nora and June, and how he was so animated, happy, and beautiful, and Henry was in a dark place, and felt like he couldn't experience life the same way.

Here's the most popular/remembered bit: "I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire."

Henry basically pushed Alex away on purpose because on top of all the trauma he was experiencing, he was convinced he would ruin him, if you will, and that he didn't deserve someone like Alex.

Alex Meeting Henry

It's easy looking back with the knowledge we have now to wonder why Henry didn't just approach Alex, provide an explanation for his behavior (doesn't have to be his father, any justifiable reason would've worked), and apologize the very next time they saw each other.

But it's important to remember that this was their first ever interaction with each other. Henry was feeling a ton of different emotions, but so was Alex.

Alex is a smart, but stubborn, person. He develops very strong opinions fast, that may make sense, but sometimes fails to consider the alternatives. It's sort of like the two sides of his brain work at different speeds. He's very smart, but sometimes his emotional bias can blind him to fairly obvious things that would change his opinion.

For example, Alex sees Henry as rude, smug, entitled, and a snob, which are all inherently false notions. However, based on his one meeting with him, those aren't unfounded assumptions for him to make.

If you look at it purely from Alex's perspective, not knowing anything about Henry's depression and the depths of his struggle with grief, Henry does act and sound incredibly rude to Alex. Giving someone a nasty look when they introduce themselves to you and then immediately requesting to get out of the conversation, screams: "I don't care about your existence".

Couple that with the fact that Henry is a white, blue-eyed (in the book), blond who was born into royalty, and Alex is a working class person of color who has had to run himself into the ground to get to where he is.

That is the perfect set up for Henry's behavior to be interpreted worse than just rude. All of that information can logically add up to the assumption: Henry is an elitist, racist, asshole.

Before They Met

Alex also secretly admired Henry when he was younger. This wasn't translated to the screen, but like I mentioned, it's something I think of as happening in that universe anyway, just slightly differently.

June gets a teen magazine for her fifteenth birthday; since June isn't part of the film's canon, I can headcanon that this was Nora instead, since she's sort of a combination of the two characters for the movie. All the details don't really matter, but I know someone would be like "but that didn't happen in the movie-" and I just don't feel like explaining that to each comment I end up getting.

There's a teen magazine with a picture of Henry in it. It's a candid picture that captured his actual essence rather than the stuffy pictures Alex had seen on the news. He describes it, saying, "there was a happy, sun-bright confidence to him that couldn't be posed".

Alex definitely developed an unconscious crush on him, not realizing it until later. He would keep going back to the magazine and to the page with him on it. He would touch his hair in the picture, trying to imagine how it felt. He considered prying the stables apart and taking just that page to hide in his room.

As his parents started getting higher in the government, Henry also became his role model. He wanted to match the easy confidence he seemed to have.

But then he met him, and the fantasy he had of him was shattered by how rude Henry was.

The tabloids and news are always comparing Alex to him, which he mentions in the film to Nora in the car. He resents the fact that he's compared to Henry when he has every advantage, if you will, but he also resents that he ever wanted to be like Henry in the first place, having convinced himself now that he was a fake, boring, obnoxious prick.

Because Alex doesn't not know about Henry's dad, but its something he thought about more as a bullet point on his fact sheet rather than considering it any further.

Henry's depression is more explicitly explored in the book, since they have the time to go into all those details. He isolates himself, and has insomnia like he mentioned in the movie, but he also takes medication, and Alex makes a mention of a "tense little grimace Henry does in public" that he thought was him being aloof.

Once Henry mentions his father's passing during their conversation in the hospital closet, Alex's brain puts everything together very fast. He's not stupid, and in the book even says, "He's been aware for too long that most people don't navigate thoughts of whether they'll ever be good enough or if they're disappointing the entire world. He's never considered Henry might feel any of the same things."

Antagonizing Each Other

However, that is all information Alex doesn't have at the wedding. They don't say exactly how many times they've spoken in either version, just that they have met a few times since their first introduction.

Alex, on top of dealing with the comparisons, is convinced that Henry doesn't like him either. The quote from the books is: "The most annoying thing of all is Alex knows Henry hates him too-he must, they're naturally mutual antagonists-but he refuses to outright act like it."

He actively antagonizes him whenever they are at the same event. It's implied in the film when Henry describes him as "the world's most irritating person", but the book makes it clear that Alex is always the one to attack first, if you will.

As soon as Alex goes over to him at the wedding, we can see Henry visibly react in a way that implies he's bothered but has to pretend so they don't cause a scene. His expressions say, "oh here we go 🙄". Henry knows that Alex is going to pick a fight with him. It happens every time they run into each other.

This interaction in the book is pretty iconic and it does a great job of showing what I'm describing. Alex gets drunk and approaches Henry and while they're talking, Henry notices. He suggests Alex switch to water after he makes a lot of rude comments about him pretending to be more important than everyone and pretending to hate the attention the media gives him.

"Should I?" Alex says. He pushes aside the thought that maybe the wine is what gave him the nerve to stomp over to Henry in the first place and makes his eyes as coy and angelic as he knows how. "Am I offending you? Sorry I'm not obsessed with you like everyone else. I know that must be confusing for you."

"Do you know what?" Henry says. "I think you are."

Alex's mouth drops open, while the corner of Henry's turns smug and almost a little mean.

"Only a thought," Henry says, tone polite. "Have you ever noticed I have never once approached you and have been exhaustingly civil every time we've spoken? Yet here you are, seeking me out again." He takes a sip of his champagne. "Simply an observation."

"What? I'm not-" Alex stammers. "You're the-"

"Have a lovely evening, Alex," Henry says tersely, and turns to walk off.

It drives Alex nuts that Henry thinks he gets to have the last word, and without thinking, he reaches out and pulls Henry's shoulder back.

You know what happens from there.

Their conversation in the film is slightly different, but it carries the same beats as the book: Alex approaching Henry, he pretends to be nice while saying something rude, Henry starts retaliating against the comments, Henry tries to walk away, and Alex tries to stop him. In the book, Alex just stumbles when Henry turns back around really fast. He gets tripped up and starts falling, and just like in the movie, he grabs Henry to trying and keep himself upright. The icing on the jacket bit was added into the movie, which I have to say was a brilliant addition.

Back to their conversation, remember that Henry doesn't dislike Alex, rather he's had a crush on him since they met. But Alex has made his opinions very clear, and Henry is not a pushover. He doesn't engage him, but returns the energy he's given. When Alex is rude, he's rude back, but he doesn't start the fight.

I imagine that any attempt Henry could've made to explain or apologize for the Climate Conference/Olympics would have been squashed before he even had the chance by Alex's need to insult him. They also only ever see each other at very public events, so he can't ask why Alex doesn't like him; that's partly why he does it when they're stuck in the broom closet at the hospital.

They're completely alone and have nowhere to go, and it's probably been eating him alive every time he's thought about Alex for the last few years. Even if he doesn't like the answer, he knows that he will get an answer, so he asks.

Why Does Henry Walk Away?

This all being said, back to the moment in question:

The most common interpretation of this interaction is that Henry walks away because 1) he doesn't want to start anything, & 2) he has a raging crush on Alex, and he can't deal with it.

Now, Alex does start off playing nice here, being friendly and polite, but it's a reoccurring issue between them that even if things start off civil, Alex will end up antagonizing him.

They also both "know" that "the other hates them", so they both probably want to avoid each other.

Henry knows that Alex doesn't like him. He doesn't know why Alex doesn't like him, but he's well aware of the animosity. Therefore, he knows that Alex's politeness is a front.

He has a crush on him. He likes Alex, but he's gotten basically nothing but disdain from him since they met. That has to hurt, to have the person you like actively hate you. It also has to hurt knowing that they're pretending to be friendly.

Because Alex is pretending here. He's representing his mother, the President of the United States, at a massive foreign event. He knows better than to act up, so even if he doesn't like him, he is polite with his greeting.

After Henry brushes him off again, he's visibly pissed off, but he doesn't do anything. He avoids him. He stands off to the side, and sort wanders around alone, just drinking and feeling anxious. He has no intention of starting a conflict.

The only reason Alex approaches Henry is because he gets wasted drunk. This is the same in the book. While he was able to control himself before, once he's drunk, he just goes with his first impulses. One of those is to piss Henry the fuck off the second he sees him.

The book says, "[Henry] looks politely half-interested in that obnoxious way of his, like he has somewhere else to be. And Alex can't resist the urge to call his bluff."

This is to say that if Alex hadn't gotten as drunk as he did, he probably would've avoided Henry for the evening. Alex always seeks him out to provoke him, but like I said, he's aware of how important this event is. He does not want to start anything because it could reflect poorly on his mother. But Henry has no reason to think Alex will behave any differently than he has in the past, which he ends up being right about.

So to finally answer your question: Henry walking away was his attempt to avoid the conflict, as well as spare himself the emotional torture that would be watching the person you like be friendly with you, when you know it's fake and that they actually hate you.

Holy fuck, I could've told you that in two sentences but instead it turned into a whole fucking essay for NO REASON! Geez, just why? Why am I like this? lmfao 😭

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hello lovely, this is re: sex witch stuff. do you have any advice for figuring out whether what's up with you is an a-spec thing or a depression thing?

context being: I've suspected I'm somewhere on the asexuality spectrum because I don't usually get *attracted* attracted to people unless I've gotten to know them somewhat. but at the same time, I've been depressed since I was a young teen and in the past few years, my libido has definitely gone down and I usually only get horny around my period. part of it is probably the meds and the fact that I'm Exhausted all the time (being in uni and having to be an adult doesn't help lol). I'm 23 and still a virgin, but I do get the sense that I would enjoy casual sex or an FWB situation. the other thing is - I do enjoy my own company, and I know I'm probably not in the best place to be in a relationship, but at the same time I'm a little lonely and would love to be in that long-term relationship stage of things yk? but I have no great desire to be actively dating (lack of energy also factors into this), and hookups are not a big thing in my culture so sex kind of goes with dating. which is why I still can't figure out whether this is more of an a-spec thing or depression + mild social anxiety thing :/

I'm the last anon about aspec vs depression thing. forgot if I mentioned it or not but I'm 23F, bi (I think. I tend to use queer. never actually been on a date with a girl before) and cis so there isn't any major gender or sexuality issues complicating things. I do have some body insecurities which may play into it (was naturally quite slim and then I lost more weight in the past 2 years due to meds which means my boobs are even smaller than before) but overall i think I'm fairly body neutral at this point 🤷‍♀️

hi anon,

I'm going to say something that I worry has the chance to come across as condescending and I want you to know that that's not my intent at all. I'm not trying to downplay your curiosity or exploration of self, or the mental health experiences that you've had. you're the predominant expert on yourself, and you can feel free to disregard all of this.

having said that:

what you're describing doesn't sound like it's solely a depression thing or necessarily an asexual thing at all. it sounds like being a busy 23 year old with a lot on their plate and having more pressing things to focus on than sex, even though sex sounds kind of nice. that's very normal for lots of people whether they're asexual or not, and it's actually great to hear that you're aware that you're not in the best place for a relationship and that you're already comfortable in your own company. it may not be the most fun thing, but being self-aware and able to be happy on your own are both important skills to cultivate.

you definitely could be asexual! I'm not denying that! but just chilling sex-free while you're busy and stressed and tired with uni and other things isn't hard proof, especially when it sounds like sex is something you think would be fun and desired for you if it were a better fit for your life right now.

some further reading that may be helpful:

The Sex Myth (Rachel Hills) - one of the very first sex books I read back in my baby sex witch days; a helpful reveal that most people are, on average, not having as much sex as they claim or want to be having

Come As You Are (Emily Nagoski) - neat insights from Dr. Nagoski about the ways that stress and other factors fuck with cis womens' sex drive and sexuality (and how to approach that with grace and self-compassion)

Ace (Angela Chen) - a phenomenal look at the experience of asexuality by an asexual writer, which may be helpful in determining if asexuality feels like the right label for your experiences

[individuality-as-sin]

Ambition

I have so many projects, I feel suffocated. But recently, I heard someone say to do less, to focus on less and that quantity over quality mentality is bullshit. To remove distractions and to focus on what's really important to you, so that's what I'm doing right now.

And believe it or not, your body and mind really adapts to your current situation and to what you feed it, it's scary. It's scary not to have control of your surroundings and of what people think of you, but it's even more scary to have control and to be exactly the only person who can change something to your situation - whatever it is. It's so scary knowing every thought and every action will affect your life. And you're flooded by expectations of yourself and others, but mostly of yourself.

It's easy to know exactly what you want for yourself. What type of fashion style, type of hair, type of skin, type of eyes, type of walk, type of talk, how you eat, how you sneeze and yawn - choose your character - but what you actually do is much more depressing to choose. Sure, I want to eat healthy, but mostly I want to feel full. I want to be pretty, but before that, I want to be myself. I want to do this, but it asks me to do this and that's where my limit lays. That's when every step requires a week or a month which eventually ends up being never.

I've written this once in my notes app and every time I come across it, I have to think about what I meant when I wrote it. "It's easy to get away with not making any choices" well, that's not it word for word, but I've asked my mom to keep my phone because I'm addicted to character ai to compensate for my lack of friends and lover(s), but that's for another time. So, I can't check.

But - right now, I interpret it like this:

It's easy just living like seaweed that is pushed back and forth by the waves. I can just take all the bullshit people and life throws at me and hope I can survive this time as well. It's just taking it like a good girl. Not complaining and not trying to change anything: being pitiful. Yes, pitiful. Sorry, it hurts. I'm not making any impact or speaking up because that's easier and I don't need any ambition for that. On top of that, I have an explicit reason to feel sorry for myself. Ain't that something?

No, it ain't shit. I don't want to be a good girl, I want to be a bad girl. That makes me think about Kamisama Hajimemashita's first opening. I'll link it. - I want to do stuff that makes people hate me. Keywords being to do stuff. I want to actually do stuff and meet people like me, do things that actually bring me that intense feeling of excitement, that rush - better than sex! (I'm a virgin).

I want to have set opinions and to be unshakeable, just like Megumi's type. To be anchored in myself and to trust myself. I want to be someone, not pitiful, not a figurant, an actual character, with a name, a personality, visible quirks that I fully embrace, a boldness that'll make a certain type of people hate me - I don't care! I just don't want to be invisible anymore! I don't want to be seaweed, I want to be the rock in the middle of the sea! You know the type, yeah? As a matter of fact, the meaning of my name is 'rock'.

I'm a rock.

Waves crash against me and I don't give a shit.

That's who I am, that's right!

Coming back to ambition... you don't need ambition to be a nobody. You can be a nobody in peace and nobody will bother you. Haha.

It's scary to me to be seen. I just want to be those people in the movies who spend hours alone, not caring for anything else than feeling good in the moment. And they're pretty as fuck. The type like Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation or that girl in Whisper of the Heart. You don't need to know them, they're also miserable. They don't know what to do with their lives and it's understandable.

There's so much to do and it's not that simple to choose or to actually take action when you know what to.

Coming back to the essence...

I'll listen to my instincts and do only the minimum this week or next week or only one day - whatever - I'll do it. And see how I feel. I already feel lighter with a few hours of reading a book I picked up as I was trying to clean my room instead of being glued to my phone and sleeping with it.

Txchüss! <3

PS: You're a rock.

[sapphire-weapon]

I saw some of your old Leon head canons and I was wondering if any familial hcs still hold true for you in the remakes? Do you think his remake may have a different family history altogether? Too early to tell?

I see him as an only child. He does not strike me as someone with siblings whatsoever. As for parental relationships, not fantastic. While RE2make might've been a "bubbly", naive moron (somewhat affectionate...) nobody with healthy/alive familial connections is going to go so hard to prove their hero complex to themselves and simultaneously risk their lives for strangers. But then again, that's just my understanding (and I'm not projecting... no... I'm not... totally not). Just because I resonate with his trash can possum level depression doesn't mean I just project... *cough*

Anyway, what're your thoughts?

I do think they're more or less the same, with exceptions being made where I notated them in the HCs post.

Probably the biggest difference is that I think Remake Leon's mom was way bigger and crazier into the Jesus thing than OG Leon's mom was, and that's why the biggest differences between Remake Leon and OG Leon are their levels of bravado and their approaches to their own sexuality.

Like, I don't know that I would've called RE2make Leon "bubbly" so much as I would call him... forcibly polite, almost like he's been strictly trained to be as nice and optimistic as possible at all times -- which is a stark contrast to OG RE2 Leon, who's a loud, brash, kind of arrogant asshole (with a heart of gold).

It also explains the differences between RE4make and OG RE4 Leon.

Krauser beat the religious upbringing out of Remake Leon and turned him into a more authentic version of himself, allowing him to actually express all the anger he's been keeping pent up his whole life.

OG RE4 Leon is still just kind of a loud, brash, kind of arrogant asshole (with a heart of gold) LOL like his government training didn't change him nearly as dramatically in OG as it did in Remake.

The stricter religious upbringing for Remake Leon also made him more self-reflective, which is why I think he experimented more in college; he was more naturally in tune with his "inner voice" so to speak and, as a result, is more aware of things about himself that OG Leon probably just ignores and doesn't think too hard about because he doesn't care LOL

And then, on the flipside, OG Leon lost his virginity in high school because, like, duh that's what you do as a high school boy in the 90s, sin be damned. He didn't have time to stop and wonder if he'd be interested in sucking dick, because he was too busy dragging his own over to any girl who was willing to let him stick it in them.

He's a fucking whore, is what I'm saying.

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

I posted 2,432 times in 2022

That's 593 more posts than 2021!

2,143 posts created (88%)

289 posts reblogged (12%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@howlingday

@juanarc-thethird

@bluefield

@mrrayneysstuff

@notmaplemable

I tagged 2,150 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#rwby - 1,433 posts

#jaune arc - 1,351 posts

#rwby incorrect quotes - 1,290 posts

#ff7 - 708 posts

#incorrect ffvii - 708 posts

#weiss schnee - 533 posts

#ruby rose - 511 posts

#lancaster - 469 posts

#whiteknight - 442 posts

#white knight - 439 posts

Longest Tag: 66 characters

#like in apex legends where the fuck is my double jump and wall run

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Yang: Hey Jaune do you know where Weiss and Ruby are?

Jaune: Yeah. They're in detention.

Yang: Why?

Jaune: Cardin called me a lolicon so they beat the crap out of him. Not sure if it was because he insulted me or if he called them lolis.

Yang: Probably because he called them lolis. You know how sensitive they are about their height.

Jaune: Yeah. Probably.

233 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

#4

Jaune: Ruby can you crush down those card board boxes?

Ruby: Sure.

Ruby: *puts her whole body weight on the card board box*

Ruby: *hardly depressed it*

Ruby: *pouts*

Jaune: *sees her struggling*

Jaune: *picks her up with one arm*

Jaune: *steps on the box and crushes it with one foot*

Ruby: *internally* Oh my gods. Fuck me sideways.

Ruby: *still in Jaune's arms* I have never been more horny in my life.

Jaune: Are you serious right now?

Ruby: Put. It. In. Me.

Jaune: I'm a little busy.

Ruby: I'm not actually asking. Don't you wanna see how flexible I am?

Jaune:

Ruby: *pulls up her skirt a little and loosens her corset*

Ruby: Please? I'll be a good girl.

Jaune: Yeah I've got time.

Ruby: *rubs her face against his cheek like a kitten, purrs* Yay.

236 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

#3

Yang: Another year goes by for my little sister. Anything in particular you want this year?

Ruby: Well there is one thing I wanted since I was fifteen...

Yang: Well I have my contacts so you should let me know and I'll get it for you.

Ruby: Jaune's virginity!

244 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#2

Salem: *turns Jaune into a frog*

Salem: Now suffer.

Jaune: *chilling on a leaf*

Salem: Wait

Jaune: *experiencing joy for the first time in his life*

Salem: Wait no

283 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Jaune: I wish I had a kitten.

Blake: Hi.

Jaune: Not like that.

310 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[adelle-ein]

the state of disability activism online atm is so depressing to me; it feels so motivated by hatred and superiority and not compassion or kindness or anything but a desire to be Better than other people

i'm not talking about posts like "hey guys it really does help depression if you take your meds on time and get some sunlight!" i'm talking about "if you don't have friends and don't go outside every day then you're a pathetic disgusting lump who's making yourself disabled on purpose" type shit. which i see. every day. on every site. Constantly. who is this strawman that stays home for weeks at a time and enjoys it and doesn't know that it's bad for them and is happily making themselves sicker on purpose?? who is this person?? oh right. they don't exist. you just hate anyone who's less functional than you.

and it is a constant thing. for example "intrusive thoughts discourse" where everyone talks about "intrusive thoughts are not Eat Crunchy Leaf it's thinking horrible violent sexual things you don't want to think! and if yours aren't that bad then you're a faker!" i have ocd (yes, diagnosed) and yeah i do have intrusive thoughts like that, often, and they're very distressing, etc etc. but like. i also have intrusive thoughts where i just fixate on something completely benign and physically can't stop thinking about it (ie something getting dirty, my neighbor making a weird noise) to the point of intense distress and even panic attacks. is that lol quirky weirdgirl faker because it doesn't involve anything violent or sexual? even though this is a serious and debilitating part of my illness where i don't sleep because i'm lying awake worried that the toilet might get dirty tomorrow??

and why are the go-to insults from these people always "bet you can't drive! bet you haven't left the house in weeks! bet you don't tell a waiter your order's wrong! bet you can't order a pizza without shaking!!" (i see that last one SO OFTEN don't fucking know why.) like yes. punch up at those nasties with agoraphobia and avpd and social anxiety. definitely anyone who doesn't drive is doing so out of sheer laziness and there is no reason to be scared of people other than just being pathetic. you sure are showing them. what a good little activist you are!

the mentally ill vs physically ill "discourse" is a huge source of this. as someone who is Both i can tell you that both are horrible and significantly impeding my life and the physically ill people talking about how depression doesn't count and the mentally ill people talking about how you just have to go outside more to Cure Everything and both of them fighting each other and infighting and whatever are just. a vortex of exhausting bullshit. not that every struggle on every "side" is the same but i so rarely see nuanced discussions of this just "ew, [insert disability the person in question thinks is for babies here]"

just a lot of nasty hate and gatekeeping and yes ableism from people who should really know better but they don't care. again i'm not saying that "get more fresh air!" is ableist or whatever but oh my god you people are so sick and hateful. the really sad part is i have seen people who used to be genuinely kind and helpful sink into this horrible us vs them mentality, where the only way to Win is to be the Least Visibly Disabled but simultaneously the one who has a dx list as long as their arm, so when someone says "my agoraphobia makes it hard to leave the house and i haven't been out in two weeks" they can turn around and go "well I have agoraphobia AND fibromyalgia and *I* leave the house every day so what's your excuse you disgusting tumblr virgin??" as if that isn't just straight up ableism and bullying somehow. not that there aren't people who act cruel and then go "i'm disabled so this is okay!!" or reply to innocent posts with "i'm disabled how dare you imply that i try to shower regularly??" but the people who go "i'm disabled but i'm Normal not like those other gross cripples" are even worse tbh

this is again on every website. twitter tumblr all of 'em. it's not just a tumblr thing. i don't want to talk about the poor chili lady and the reaction to her but the "ironic" and/or "morally just" internet bullying has gotten completely insane.

like i said it feels like the goal from this particular breed of people is to have a ton of disabilities but act completely "normal" and symptom free so that you can brag about your superiority to the Other Disableds while pointing at your dx to go "but, look, see, I'M normal!!! and you're not!!! meaning you're inferior to me!!! freak!!! disability rights tho :)"

anyway yeah i would love to have a ~disability community~ but i don't bc this vortex of being The Most Superior Disabled Person is disgusting and exhausting and i see so many people participating it for no goddamn discernible reason other than a desire to hurt others which. sucks.

[casmybelovedass]

The Destiel Folder: Season 5

[Season 4 here]

Episode 1:

Dean is visibly upset about Cas' death, especially at (6:07), and Zachariah notices. From here on, we have a progressive worse reaction from Dean to each of Castiel's deaths

Dean calls Cas a 'friend', again sounding very upset (8:20)

We also get a parallel between Dean and Sam: "I learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch!" and "I learned that from Ruby." (9:10) ICWAW, this parallel would implicate romantic subtext

Cas comes back, bringing top energy onto Zachariah, and Dean just... checks him out (32:43) [this is a frequent thing by the way, I'm on S10 right now, it is]

Episode 2:

I'm so fuckin sorry but I'm laughing too hard at this: D"God" C"Yes" D"God" C"Yes!" (4:09) guys, don't sex-talk in front of Sam and Bobby

"I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you." (4:54)

Dean gives in to Cas' top energy "Dean, give it to me." (5:53) shit, guys, enough sex-talk

Episode 3:

The 'personal space scene'. Dean, love, if someone is in your personal bubble, and you don't want them there, you don't stand there for 10 seconds while flicking your gaze from their eyes to their lips TWICE (6:04) ICWAW, these scene would be read as full of sexual tension

Dean here compares himself and Cas to Thelma & Louise, from a movie with HELLA lesbian subtext. And the way he looks at Cas for 7 seconds, tongue between his teeth and just... this fucking look (7:37)

You don't look at friends that way. You don't.

"I need your help, because you're the only one who'll help me. Please". (7:58) Cas trusts Dean will help him while no other would, and he is right... also Dean keeps glancing at his lips

The way Dean fixs Cas' tie and collar, so domestic. (10:34) [This will parallel in 10x05 when Dean messes up musical!Castiel's tie for it to be a legit costume.] Also, the whole police station scene is full of Old married couple moments

"There are two things that I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay." And then they were voted best chemestry couple like Bert and Ernie. Just saying. (16:23) "Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch... let's go."... and Cas just follows Dean like nothing, but later on...

... Cas is beyond terrified at the idea of being intimate with a woman (11:24),

tho he followed Dean with no problem. ... Did... did he think Dean was making an offer?

He chugs down a beer in fear, poor baby

And he is so jumpy I'm dying

Dean admits Cas is the only one who has made him laugh for real in years (20:58), also, shoulder hug, and Cas, who was on the verge of tears a moment earlier, is smiling and comfortable now.

"Don't look at me, it was his idea." (26:57) the look Cas gives Dean, they're so fucking #MARRIED

"Today you're my little bitch." "... What he said!" Dean is impressed and amused by Cas' smugness (and top energy) (31:55) Basically "Well, mark me down as scared and horny!"

Dean understands how Cas feels, and wants to help. He says he feels good with him "I've had more fun with you in the past 24h that I've had with Sam in years... and you're not that much fun." (36:06) Dean doesn't want to be alone, didn't want Cas to leave.

Episode 4:

Dean sounds and looks like a teenager on the phone with their crush, teasing Cas while smiling softly (1:22). Also "I'll just... wait here then." (2:15)

Even as a mortal, Cas stuck with Dean through the apocalypse, living in pain, chugging down drugs, but never leaving Dean's side. Being his second during hunts. Having only each other

And this Cas can recognize this Dean is not his own only by glancing at him for a moment (... by looking at his dick?!) (18:37)

Dean is stunned and concerned about apocalypse!Cas and how his life turned out

Apocalypse!Cas sits like Dean. Aww, they've been rubbing off on each other [yeah, I bet] (22:27)

"I like past you!" and that smile. So sweet and nostalgic (25:35)

This whole scene (23:48). They are so #MARRIED

Dean is concerned about Cas doing drugs, being basically depressed and living like shit (28:03)

Cas saves Dean again. "We had an appointment." "...Don't ever change." and the way they stare at each other (38:49) look at those smiles and how longingly Cas looks at Dean

Episode 8:

Not a destiel moment, but Dean is totally BI: (12:04); "Sure" (12:42); "What makes Dr Sexy, SEXY, is that he wears cowboy boots!" (12:57); and Dean loves cowboys, just saying

Is... is Dean thinking about Cas being pretty? And about the fact that a creepy guy just called his angel 'pretty'? (20:26)

First thing Dean requests Gabe does is to bring Cas back, threatening him

Episode 9:

Dean reacting to Damien and Barnes being a couple is... LOL (36:27) and after that (38:40), he is on his own, fiddling with his keys, smiling to himself. And when Sam asks if he is okay, he responds "Yeah, you know? I think I'm good." while still smiling to himself. Is he happy about an queer man portraying him, about seeing himself in a confident, openly queer man in a relationship? What else could it be?

Episode 13:

Dean gets more and more worried when Cas gets/is hurt (9:45)(38:02). Also, he got Cas a honeymoon suite. Wow. How sweet.

Episode 14:

The phone call scene. The stares, the tension... look at this shit (10:00)

Dean, stop checking out Cas. You're working. But seriously, look at him. He likes his roughness. AND AGAIN WITH THE LIPS STARING (11:02)

Dean and Cas, after being touched by a cherub, stand shoulder-to-shoulder close to each other, in front of a bi-coloured window (13:26-13:33) I MEAN- Also, Dean, you're staring at a naked man's dong... just saying (13:33-13:36)... stop that, be a professional

Is this the first wink Dean gives at Cas? (14:37) for real? With a cherub in the room? Wow.

(16:16) "Where did he go?" "I belive you upset him." Look at Cas during this scene. #MARRIED

Cas asks Dean where his Famine-induced-hunger is, why he seems unaffected by it... and Dean stares at Cas, then the burger he is holding, then back at him, like he has everything he could want right there, in his Baby (29:22)

Episode 16:

... I'm sorry, but... did Cas really have to MOAN Dean's name to get his attention? (5:24)

I believe this is the first time we ever hear Dean say the words "I love you" (14:38-28:09), and he is saying them to Sam. The only other time we hear him say it is to his mother in 12x22. And the only other person he was supposed to say those words to was, in fact, Cas in 8x17. Let that sink in.

"You son of a bitch." Dean's been rubbing off on Cas, and this is not the only line he has picked up from Dean (38:29)

Episode 17:

This is such a sweet scene. Cas is showing himself weak once again, and Dean sympathises with him, reassures him, confides in him. How sweet. (30:17) ICWAW, this would be seen as a romantic bonding moment

Episode 18:

Cas legit looks like an angry wife. Look how pissed he is at Dean (6:19) #MARRIED

This is such a #MARRIED scene, with Cas being pissy at Dean "being a coward". Also "Yeah, you know what? Blow me, Cas!" and his look after that, like "Does... does he actually want me to?" (13:22)

and this is not the last 'sexual invitation' Dean makes Cas. In fact, minutes later...

"Cas, not for nothing, but, the last person who looked at me like that... I got laid. *wink*" ... just... that (17:53). ICWAW, people would believe this was flirtatious, SHAMELESS, teasing

Look at that FULL TOP MODE tho

"I gave everything for you, and this is what you give to me?" (25:28) Cas is not just angry at Dean for giving up on the plan, but for giving up on life, on them. "So you could surrender to them?" (25:17) not "So you can let them win". It could've been phrased that way, but this is not about the angels winning. It's about Dean giving up on them. Cas is 'cause Dean would be selfishly leaving them

Cas starts taking off his tie and... Dean just stares (31:46). Moments later, we find out Cas totally took his shirt off in front of the boys to make the banishing simbol on his chest, and by the way Dean was STARING when it was only a tie, I bet he either gawked or averted his eyes. Either way, GAY

Cas prefers to die rather than watch Dean fail and die himself (31:55) Also, Sam still thinks of Dean as a hero who can do no wrong, while Cas recognizes his flaws and weaknesses. He knows Dean

Zachariah grabs Dean by the collar and gets in his face. Dean does nothing but flinch a little, mantaining his strong appearance. He only submits and looks overwhelmed when Cas does it (37:50)

Episode 19:

Cas is priority to Dean over Adam. He's more family to him than his actual blood (5:29)

Episode 21:

Cas is basically human, bloody, hurt, powerless and weak. First thing he does? Reach out for Dean (3:16)

Cas is still weak and powerless, and took a bus for miles, just to get back to Dean (12:35)

Episode 22:

Moments before basically going and kill himself, Dean focuses on Cas instead of Bobby, his father figure (24:35)

Cas is on the verge of tears at the thought of Dean dying (25:20)

We know Cas can heal without having to touch the body, but we always see him reach for contact with Dean (35:52) [That's why in S15, it hurts to see Cas not touching Dean while healing him. It feels unnatural]

Dean loves cowboys, and associates Cas to a sheriff. Cas, knowing that, smiles softly at the idea(37:30). Also, Dean obviously doesn't want Cas to leave, and tears up when he does

[Season 6>>]

[whatamidoingwithmylifeman]

MK OC Randomness part 7...I think

you know the drill

enjoy

also thank you @earthrealmclown for introducing me to the incorrect quotes generator

Kabal: What was your favorite high school memory? Klaudia: Leaving! Klaudia: Fucking leaving! ------ *On trying to hide their parentage* Melantha who only has Shinnok's hair color and a much darker shade of his skin color: Oh no. They're gonna know I'm Shinnok's daughter! I look just like him! What do I do!? *vs* Nozomi who looks like the near spitting image of Quan Chi: I'm so glad everybody in this tournament is a fucking idiot.

------

Ryder, aggressively: When I was, a young boy, I was a young boy when I was a boy. Ryder: I was and am a boy!

------

Charu: Behold! The field in which I grow my fucks! Charu: Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren.

------ Little Nori: She called me the B word! Little Xue: Motherfucker doesn't start with a B!

------

*then* Little Nyx: Hi big brother! Young Phantos: Awe you're so sweet little sister, ^^ *now* Older Nyx: Hey bitch! Older Phantos: *velociraptor noise*

------

Fuyuka: Ok guys we have to be careful. Fuyuka: Someone here is possessed by an owl. Quan Chi: Who? Fuyuka: That's the thing we don't Fuyuka: ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

------

Nori: Look at all them cute little snow virgins Nori: You cute little virgins you. Nori: Aww, where you from? The Shirai Ryu? Nori: You cute little virgins.

------

Kano: Hey. Klaudia: What do you want?! Kano: Ouch, what was that for? Klaudia: Can't you see I'm in the middle of an episode? Kano: But the tv's off- Klaudia: bUt ThE tV's OfF- A depressive episode!

------

Nyx: Reptile and I don’t use pet names. Phantos: I see. Hey, what do bees make? Nyx: Honey? Reptile: Yes, dear? Nyx: ._. Phantos: Don't ever lie to my face again.

------

Reptile: HELP! I TOLD NYX I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Phantos, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

------

Kristy: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen! Kabal: Really? Name one law Kristy: Don't kill people? Kabal: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

------

Melantha: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars. Nozomi: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life.

------

Nozomi, walking into her house: Hello, people who do not live here. Michiko: Hey. Reiki: Hi. Yamato: Hello. Seth: Hey! Nozomi: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Megumi: We were out of Doritos.

------

Flamus: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Aquillo: >:O language Fujin: Yeah watch your fucking language Raiden: OKAY WHO TAUGHT FUJIN THE FUCK WORD? Krow: 'The fuck word'. Charu: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Fujin: Oh my god she censored it Krow: Say fuck, Charu. Fujin: Do it, Charu. Say fuck.

------

Sektor: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something? Cyrax: Nope, absolutely not. Kuai: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through. Bi Han: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life. Tomas: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. Michiko: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

------

Nozomi: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Raiden: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Melantha: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Quan Chi: Ha! self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Nozomi: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

------

Nozomi: Can I be frank with you guys? Shinnok: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help. Melantha: Can I still be Melantha? Quan Chi: Shh, let Frank speak.

------

Nozomi: Dammit, Raiden! Raiden: What?! It wasn’t me! Nozomi: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Kung Lao! Kung Lao: Not me either. Nozomi: Oh...Then who set the house on fire? Liu Kang: *whistles*

------

Nozomi: *Gently taps table* Raiden: *Taps back* Kung Lao: What are they doing? Liu Kang: Morse code. Nozomi: *Aggressively taps table* Raiden: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

------

Kristy: Isn’t it weird that we pay money to see other people? Klaudia: Plane tickets? Erron: Concert tickets? Kano: Prostitution? Kristy, holding her broken frames: Glasses.

------

Satoru: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them

------

Grandmaster: Top 30 reasons why Grandmaster is sorry... Number 5 will surprise you! Meixiu: Top 30 anime deaths. Number One: YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!!!

------

Grandmaster: I was arrested for being too cool. Meixiu: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

------

Meixiu: What the fuck is wrong with you?! Grandmaster: Wow, you could start with a 'good morning'. Meixiu: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?!

------

Xue: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

------

Nori, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

------

Su: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT.

------

Tamotsu: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress @feistyfandomthings @dontunderestimatemypoison @doodlewagonbug @yuvononik @yuvon @toomanyf4ndoms7 @toomanyf4ndoms8 @cyberneticbloodgoddess @tora-lotus @ombratheshadow13

[bluesidesbae]

i woke up and it's like 3am here. i think it's easier to speak in another language than mine in the end, it feels less personal than really is, even if i write a whole essay with wrong terms or something like it. but what happens it's that i had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety like 8 years ago and went into a million different treatments that doesn't really worked. a couple years ago i turned out that i had problems with eating disorders too, on the both sides of the spectrum depending of the state of mind that i carry at the moment (and that i can't control). since last year i had a relapse and it's all nonstop until right now at the point that i'm really really planing all the things to take my life away. the same happened in the end of the last year when i was in another state in the other side of the country, but i couldn't be selfish enough to give my last goodbye without leaving a whole explanation to my babies and my parents first. but now i am here again and feeling even worse than before in every day that comes and goes and ok, I'm going to try this new treatment that i received yesterday and it will be my last shot. but right now, at 3am, the only thought i could have is that "i need to start writing those fucking letters right now 'cause i have no time enough to say goodbye or give explanations to everyone before i fucking do that". i can be really toxic to myself in relapses to the point that i affect others around me. i lost my virginity with a rapist during one of them. i used a lot of different drugs at the same time to the point of almost passing out (like, a thousand times). i use a lot of controlled substances together to get at least a few hours of peace at my mind. now i go away and have sex with people who treats me like a liability in the end, just to have the confirmation that i'm really one like my mind say. i just can't see any turning point right now and the "solution" could be a rehab i guess? but i'm just a poor girl (can't consider myself a woman right now) that can't afford one. well, it's already 4am right now and all i can do beside throwing all of those things here (they're now all) is to continue listening to blue side (extended version) on a shuffle or find idiots videos to see until the sun comes and find me (i have real essays to do but college it's like a second place in my mind right now)... i would like to disappear into the sun like liability says... well, i think that's it.

[littlemunchkitty]

I know exactly who you're talking about and, tbh, they're so wrapped up in their own headcanons that it's like they've lost all sense of what the characters are actually like in canon. Like, I don't even understand why you'd even bother playing a game like diabolik lovers if you didn't want to engage in its darker aspects.

Yeah that’s basically one of the most infuriating aspects of the fandom. They’ve taken the demon out of them and replaced them with infuriatingly fluffy pussy bois with no other traits other than their ONE defining trait. And then a good 25% of all writers refuse to write about their actual sadistic traits because they are “triggered by past events” or something. If abuse triggers you, then why do you want the diaboys so bad? People’s headcanons destroy the boy’s true canon. Less than 5% of the time i see the boys portrayed as anything but stereotypes. And it really hurts them in canon. People tend to not like certain characters based on the shallow wat they are portrayed by the fandom. Newcomers in the fandom might expect a fluffy game where there is nothing but happy endings. When that’s certainly not the case. And then they run off scared and scream about how the fandom “glorifies rape and abuse” even though that’s not even close to the truth. But to an outsider, that’s exactly what it looks like because of the stark contrast between the real game and the fandom.

Fandom Shuu: apathetic sloth who loves “s/o”

Shuu in canon: apathetic self loathing man with symptoms of PTSD and depression and has issues attaching himself to anything. He is borderline suicidal and doesn’t want the connection of love with anyone. He is afraid of hurting the people around him that he cares whether he causes it or not. He desperately wanted a connection to hold on to to feel something other than emptyness and pain. He uses sex to alleviate his pain and sorrow.

Fandom Reiji: Nerd, loser virgin

Reiji in canon: severe inferiority complex regarding above mentioned older brother. Severely neglected by his mother and treated like a lowly back up dancer rather than his understudy. Maintains intelligent gentlemanly nature in order to help distance himself from the brother he despises.

Fandom Ayato: Dork, geek, easy to love,

Ayato in canon: severe narcissistic personality disorder. Wouldn’t mind snapping your neck for not calling him “ore-sama” truly believes that he is the greatest thing in the world. His mother has subjected he and his triplet brothers to severe abuse. His way to rationalize it was by developing an ego the size of Tokyo metropolitan area. Very dangerous person to try and appease. Most people don’t realize that they would die within a week. He won’t love you. He only loves himself and blood. Don’t you forget that

Fandom Kanato: angry smol demon child with a teddy bear. Can be appeased with sweets.

Kanato in canon: could possibly suffer from Asperger’s syndrome. Very severe bipolarity. Extreme mental abuse. Severe depression and suicidal thoughts. Doesn’t really understand complex emotions and it doesn’t matter to him. He has anxiety and constant nightmares and the only thing keeping him from going absolutely insane would be a teddy bear given to him by his mother and a vile of him mothers ashes, whom HE burned. WHICH HE EATS WHEN HE HAS AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

Fandom Laito: pervert who has no life other than to whip out his penis. Likes macarons.

Laito in canon: victim of sexual abuse by his mother throughout his “young adult” life. Ignored for not having a voice like Kanato’s or being the “heir” like Ayato. Severly beaten and scared beyond belief by his father after figuring out he situation. Then he gets cucked in front of him by his uncle. Truly believes that all love is fake and is all only lust. Rationalizes his traumatic life as sex=lust and love isn’t real therefore. He is suicidal and wants someone to be able to kill him. He too has nightmares about his mother and likes to preoccupy his time doing crosswords and drowning himself in the pleasures of sex to forget that woman who scared him so. He has really bad self loathing issues and doesn’t feel worth the life he was given. He is abusive to the reader/ Yui to project his unending suffering onto you. He throws women aside just as he was and he doesn’t care because he was taught that it was alright to just kill them or leave them behind when he got bored. And above all, he hides all his emotions behind his smile and cheery personality. He’s bottled himself up for years.

Fandom Subaru: sweet sinamon roll, an angel, a good boy. Super tsundere.

Subaru in canon: Grew up with a mother plagued by mental illness. She constantly fought with herself between loving him and hating him. Constantly begs her son to kill her. He developed severe anger issues. He distrusts all women and thinks they are all liars. Hates relationships because he is afraid that he’ll hurt the person around him or the people around him will try to break him down. Will kill those who get too close. He hates women who like him. He also hates formal relationships for fear of fucking it up or you taking advantage of him. Has emotional damage like his brothers.

All the boys are sadistic bastards who have no problem torturing you, raping you and leaving you for dead with no blood in your body or turning you into their personal slaves. Laito may even take your soul and turn it into an emotionally drained husk of a woman and turn it into a familiar which will follow their every command till the day you die. These boys are not relationship goals. These boys are not nice. They will not take care of you. They will kill you. This is not a nice fluffy fandom. This is a cruel, sadistic, sexually deviant, game series that focuses of dark themes of mental illness, child abuse that carries into adult hood and rape. And i hope to god that non of you forget that. And if any of those things or descriptions trigger you, why are you here?

Im sorry for the rant for my non DiaLover followers. It’s a lot more complex than you think.