#they're mad because I said something about it ON MY OWN FUCKING BLOG

[fitzselfships]

Cool great as if everything couldn't get more stressful I just found out the first ask I have received in a while is a pr//oshipper complaining about me not wanting them to interact with me awesome 👍

[meraki-yao]

My two cents on the story some Nick fans hate Taylor:

From what I've seen around they are mainly people who have been following him since before rwrb and if you look carefully they are often huge purple heart fans (and have a slight obsession with the "relationship" between Nick and Sofia) therefore I think that this hatred for Taylor derives from 2 things:

1. They hate that so many people have gotten closer to him because of rwrb but they share the support and love with someone else. That's why they always have to specify that for them Taylor is unemployed (unlike Nick), Taylor is not a good actor (unlike Nick who is the best around for the next 100 years), Taylor is loved only for his hot body and we are all envious that Nick is mentioned around as an actor etc etc. It's impossible for them to accept that people can appreciate both and one must necessarily be better and more loved than the other and they are better fans because they have been following him since before rwrb and they don't want him to still be associated with this film because he will never be "the sole star" but has to share everything with Taylor.

2. Racism. From certain comments they make it is undeniable that this has great relevance in this situation and I don't even want to delve into it because it's not even crazy it's simply disgusting and this is definitely the worst part.

They hate rwrb (but praise Nick as Henry and think he's the only one who did well in the movie) and keep making up this bullshit about how Nick hates the project, hates the cast, his body language says he was uncomfortable on that set, this is the only cast he hasn't remained friends with, Taylor tries hard for have his attention to be relevant but Nick just proves they have no contact and they need it to be true because that's the only thing which they can cling to to hope he doesn't make the sequel. Oh, plus Nick is too busy to accept the sequel and it would be a downgrade for him to do the sequel given the career that awaits him, unlike Taylor who only has rwrb to work and be relevant (all read with my own eyes unfortunately)

In short, I don't know how they can think this is good for Nick and how they can think this is the type of support he deserves and would like. As another blog said, we can't stop them, there are moments they become more vocal and mean and the more we respond the meaner they become saying things like "you get angry because you know it's the truth"

They treat Taylor like a monster, like he's a really bad person, they've done bad things towards him like doxxing and spreading false information about him to convince everyone what an evil person he is.

They say he uses Nick, before Nick's response when he signed the book they said Taylor bullied him with those drawings on his face all because they have this unhealthy relationship with an actor and they think they have some right over his life.

You've explained their (ridiculous) mentality really well, and frankly, it drives me insane that there are people in the world who think they understand one person's career/relationship/life when he doesn't know them

On the note of purple hearts, I didn't watch the movie and I don't plan to, but when I just got into the RWRB fandom and started learning about Nick and Taylor, and I kinda saw some comments from us, that's kind of... something like Purple hearts fans are mad at RWRB because of... opposing political beliefs?

Oh, also agree on the racism thing. Fuck racism man.

My one hope is this bullshit doesn't affect Taylor and Nick. I have faith in their relationship not to turn sour or blame each other because 1, it's not each other's fault 2, they're grown ass adults who understand how this industry, parasocial relationships and fan culture work, but if any of these shitty comments reaches either one of them it must hurt, and arguably hurts Nick more than Taylor, because these people are hurting your friend in your name. That's fucked up.

Again I think the best thing we can do is ignore them, block them and remember that we hold the actual truth: Nick loves RWRB, and Taylor, and Henry. And he and Taylor, on both sides, plus Matthew and a couple editorial writers, stated and showed that they are genuine friends with genuine chemistry.

[sagasolejma]

Hey I just saw your response to an Anon who requested you add trigger warnings or anything of sorts to your post about your spider, and before I say anything I will say that I've followed you for a while and really love your posts; I have nothing against you and, honestly, I don't really want to write this message but feel like I must say something. This is the most civil form of criticism and I don't want you to think that it's anything but respectful.

That said, I don't really agree with your philosophy. I personally don't have arachnophobia, but I know of people who do and have my own share of other irrational fears, so I believe I have two cents to add. Adding a trigger warning is not disrespect for the thing you love, but respect for the people around you. You're not censoring as a form of undermining what you appreciate but rather in consideration of the people who cannot appreciate it. Not the people who don't, the people who cannot. Because phobias cannot be helped, they are irrational and inconsolable and they are rarely reasoned out of. People who fear spiders don't hate spiders, their body simply responds that way.

If this were a blog solely dedicated to posting about your spider, then I'd understand and agree that they're unreasonable in their complaint. But your posts vary so much that it's perfectly reasonable for them to be a little inappreciative of the sudden unwarned image. I'm not saying you shouldn't post about whatever you want, this is your blog after all. I'm only saying that considering that there are people who'd be affected by what you post, and thus providing heads-up's and contingency as to make them feel bad is a way of being a more friendly person.

It's great that one shares the things one loves, but it's even better if one realizes that some people don't love those things, and thus one shares them with prudence so one knows that those who see them are capable of appreciating it, and those who cannot can maintain a friendship with you without needing to see what only makes the day worst for all the involved.

As I said, no shame on you or anything. I'm just saying. Love either way ❣️❣️

First of all, I appreciate that you're being civil, very nice ask here, and I genuinely appreciate that.

Second of all, as others have pointed out, I had already tagged the post with arachnid, and if someone was really worried about that stuff, they could simply... block that tag.

Third of all, I don't really see why I should care...? It's not really my fault that my blog became larger than average, and I don't really see why I should change because of that. You said it best yourself. It's my blog. I post what I wanna post here.

Imagine suddenly one day a lot of people start staring through your windows into your home. You find it kinda weird but most of them are nice and fun about it so it's whatever. One day one of them knocks on your door and says "hey I don't really like the pet you have in your home and it makes me uncomfortable, please cover it up :/" then I say "wtf no, it's my home? You can just stop staring through my windows" and then a third person comes up to me and tells me I should cover my pet up because it would be the more friendly thing to do and now I'm just standing here on the doorstep in my pyjamas confusedly trying to explain to this person that I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to cover up my pet in my own home lol. It's a wonky analogy, but you see what I mean, right? That it's kinda fucked up someone can come and make demands of me, and when I say no, you come up and tell me actually I should do it because it would be the more friendly thing to do? And now I have to wonder if that means not complying makes me "unfriendly" and if people will get mad at me. It's not really a fair situation, and I feel like you aren't really respecting me, the actual person behind the screen, when you write stuff like this anonymously.

Finally, and this is a whole other thing, but I just wanna say that phobias absolutely can be helped??? I know that because I myself was highly arachnophobic at one point in my life. It was so bad I couldn't sleep if I had seen a spider in my room. Now I have a badass beautiful amblypygid. I also have a big phobia of horses, and I know several people, including my mom and sister, who are very into horses, but I don't make it their problem, because I recognise that it's something I have to deal with myself. If I find a blog that occasionally posts horses I won't ask them to trigger warn or censor them, I would just... block them.

God this post became way too long :v

Also to be 100% clear, there are areas where I think trigger warnings are absolutely necessary, so please don't do a twitter and start accusing me of being against SA trigger warnings or the like.

[hrodvitnon]

Thanks for hearing me out there, I really needed all of that. I think your blog (as well as other tumblr blogs in general like kaiju-krew) help keep me sane while witnessing all sorts of really dumb takes from the fandom, especially from the likes of Twitter and Reddit. The worst takes I've seen so far are the ones that claim that unlike Kong, if Godzilla ever encounters another one of his kind, he would kill them just for disrupting his nap and/or harm a baby of his kind because he's a reptile and something something "alphas in nature kill offspring that isn't their own to prevent competition" and junk like that.

It just really sucks to see them humanize Kong (and in many cases, turn him into a literal saint) while at the same time, reducing Godzilla to just a dumb animal when they're both intelligent and sympathetic but flawed individuals.

Also your comparisons of MV Godzilla to Doomguy and cats is very on-point. All three of them may look and act prickly at first, but there's more to them than just that and if you actually take your time to look past that and get to know them better while respecting their space, they're actually not bad at all. And in the case of both Godzilla and cats, it's kind of like intruding into an introvert's personal space and acting constantly annoying to them, and then getting mad and calling them a jerk once they show signs of wanting you to leave them alone.

(About Matt Frank's post, I took another look at it and he deleted the initial post, probably because of all the backlash he got from it since he misunderstood MV Godzilla's character hard. And in case you're curious on what the post said, it's something on the lines of something like "It's great that MV Godzilla is just an aggro jerkface in the whole movie (GxK) for NO reason at all and I'm all for it").

(That said, his follow-up replies to that are still there and they're still not the best takes. Here they are, for anyone who doesn't have access to that hellish site.)

Yeeeep, this is why I stay as much as possible away from the Twitter and especially the fandom side of Reddit; in fact, there are very specific reasons I would venture into those lawless depths: Check if anyone else has run into a game bug I've encountered and any workarounds for it, or fun gifs I just happened to spy on a Google Image search.

And you know, maybe it's because I just woke up, but to those who demonize Godzilla, I'm about to do something fuckin' hilarious with my power as a fic writer with my own canon at my fingertips. Check this shit out: In an AbraxasVerse take of GxK, when Godzilla is napping in the Colosseum and the authorities are like "what the fuck do we do," who rolls up but THE ACTUAL POPE to welcome the giant napping Nukasaurus Rex and be like "This is a beast of god who protects our world. I talked about this the last time he saved us, did you not listen to my sermon last Mass? For shame. Let the noble beast rest. Amen." Not in those exact words, but yeah.

Oh yeah, @thebeastunleashed showed the the tweets on Discord. Matt, I respect ya as a phenomenal kaiju artist and you're entitled to which Goji's your favorite and also your opinion, but sometimes it's okay to be wrong. (Incidentally, my favorite Godzillas are Heisei and MonsterVerse so I happen to prefer a Godzilla with a soft side.)

[hekateinhell]

I just need to get something off my chest real quick, there's really no need to read this unless you want to because you're bored lmao.

So I used to be really good at answering the asks I got. I wouldn't say I answered all of them, but I think overall I had a good ratio for a long time! And I loved it! I think the asks feature is the best thing that tumblr has to offer as a social media platform (god knows just about everything else sucks).

I loved getting asks and answering them and it's a great way to talk to others in our little fandom bubbles and trade thoughts and insights with one another. My mental health did take quite a few hits in the past several months, and part of that was real life (school, sickness, death in the family) and part of that was bullshit fandom drama.

But it just occurred to me yesterday that the reason I'm nowhere near as prolific in answering the asks I get is because I have always put so much effort into putting disclaimers behind all my meta, walking on eggshells so people won't throw tantrums every time I share an opinion they don't like.

And you know what? That just made me an nervous, erratic person afraid of her own tumblr shadow. The thought of having to do all the work to put ten thousand disclaimers behind everything I say so some asshole won't vague me because I accidentally hurt their feelings just made me not want to reply to anything at all. It's fucking exhausting having to think of every scenario in which people might interpret whatever you're saying (about fictional characters may I remind you) in the worst light possible.

In the end all that time and effort I put into censoring myself—because I try to be a nice person, I don't want anyone to feel bad because of me, regardless of the fact that that's been never my intention—in the end none of that mattered! There's people that have been vaguing me for almost two years now and it's not like I go seeking out this information but it's a small fandom and I stumble over it on another blog or some shit every once in a while.

Agonizing over whether or not some random is going to interpret everything I say in the worst possible faith and have a fit on main about my shit takes and make a block list of people who interact with my posts is just so stupid honestly, and trying to censor myself didn't do me a shred of good. People still regularly call me names and insult my intelligence because of the characters I ship, the meta I write, and the kinks I enjoy talking about. It doesn't even matter if I've been active recently or not, they're still mad about stuff I said ages ago! I can't win!

So from now on I'm just to do my best to break this depressing old habit and be online without being apologetic and diminishing my own opinions, answer asks however the hell I want without feeling obligated to coddle a bunch of grown ass adults, and if people want to cry about it, there's a box of tissues in the corner. Go nuts. ♥️

[utilitycaster]

unpopular opinion: the fanon reframing of Ashton as a protector and level headed confidante instead of a self loathing, insecure mess of a person is not only weird and frustrating but a symptom of the fandom’s deep discomfort with some of the themes Taliesin’s exploring

(As of 8:14 AM EDT today, April 15th: not answering new questions for this meme that come in but answering the ones already in my inbox)

HARD AGREE and frankly it's really weird because like, what, not two months ago the Ashton conversation was about how dare they say they know a loneliness Laudna doesn't and now they're "team level-headed" and it's like where was the turnaround here, because like, we only saw them for two more episodes after that before the party split and neither had them in significant focus. Like, Taliesin straight-up said that Ashton takes his own justified abandonment issues but then gets mad at Laudna for seemingly not having them (and for what it's worth I also think Laudna hasn't dealt with her issues, ie, Ashton is correct and Laudna's saying things are fine when they're not, but also, dick move on Ashton's behalf). He provokes fights with people because then the pain at least means something instead of being just chronic pain that sucks and happens regardless. They see themself as unfixable and distance themself from people so they can't get hurt again.

All of this is pretty fucking ugly and for reasons apparent to anyone looking through my blog at characters I like, "I put up a facade to hide how much I fucking hate myself and I am deeply principled in a way that isn't necessarily aligned with society around me and also murder is okay" is a character type I strongly gravitate towards in fiction, but tends to be polarizing. For some weird reason with Ashton, instead of them having the usual polarization of "people who get it and love them" and "people who hate them for being kind of a bastard" it's more "people who are deliberately trying to paper over how messed up this is."

[mrs-monaghan]

Another entry. Firstly, Still With Me? Did JK release a new song that I didn’t know about? Secondly, I would rather speculate that a song is about someone then a hand gesture that a lot of people do.

I saw them coming at us for paying attention to numbers and 11/08 even though that's way more real than whatever tf this is. Like... aren't they embarrassed????

Anyway guys, I have an announcement to make.

Attention please!

Thank u ☺☺

Okay so I've been getting alot of frustrated asks mad at tkkrs and antis on twitter, right? Unfortunately I tend not to post them because I don't wanna bring too much negativity on this blog. Especially when some of those things are vile AF. Anyway, the point of this post is, My friends and I are in a Jikook discord and a few of us do this thing on twitter where we fight antis and shit especially when they come to Jikook spaces.

As we know recently a big Jikook account with 15k followers was attacked the other day for liking a post from an anti. But she had no idea that person was one. She just liked the post coz it was Jikook related. It's an easy mistake to make, really. She tried apologising and explaining she'd blocked the anti but these assholes didn't listen. They went though her profile and started commenting under all her regular, normal tweets that she was an anti and should be ashamed of herself or whatever. They were determined to give her no peace whatsoever.

When called out themselves, one account shamelessly said that they were antis and proud. That they didn't pretend that they don't hate Jimin. This really made me mad. It's not the first time they've been quite proud of the Jimin hate they partake in. Tkk accounts will gets thousand of likes on a post hating on Jimin and this ain't right. An anon sent in an ask venting about us being cowards and I agree. They attack Jikookers and these jkkrs end up deleting their Jikook posts. THIS SHIT AIN'T RIGHT!!! Its not.

They do this thing where they move in balk. My friends and I tried to back this account up. Encouraged her not to let them get to her. But it dont matter that 5 people are on your side if 30 people are telling you to kill yourself its just... /sigh/

This account is still running. But they had to unfollow everyone they follow and start from scratch. This ain't right guys. Its just not fair no matter how u look at it. I think we need to start giving tkkrs the same energy they give us.

Simply ignoring them is NOT working. We don't go to them, they come to us. I think its time Jikookers fought fire with fire. Which is why I'm making this post. A few of us had the idea to create a Jikook fighting discord.

If you are reading this and are tired of taking shit lying down. If you have wanted to fight these people but you were worried that you are just one person and won't make a difference. If you see the Jimin hate and wish there was something you could do about it, I come with an offer. Fuck tkkrs. Fuck antis. Fuck solos and fuck ot7 accounts that call out the vermin but then delete their tweets when they start to loose followers. Fuck all these people. Lets do something about this, ourselves.

Tkkrs are the ones causing chain reactions. If they didn't attack Jimin, Jimin solos wouldn't attack V and JK. (Yesterday I saw an art of JK with a dirty diaper and I just...🤮) If they shipped in peace and didn't attack Jimin literally all this shit wouldn't be happening.

I say we give them a taste of their own medicine. So if you see this post and you agree that enough is enough, then come join us here.

If you can't join then spread the word. Time to defend Kookmin and Koominers. Fuck this shit. The vermin have ran rampant for long enough. Photoshopping Jimin getting blown by band pd wasn't enough. Now they're editing him into porn. Guys, they've go10 too comfortable. Let's do something!

1) Create a separate twitter account before you join us. Safer not to use your main

2) ONLY Jikookers allowed in this discord. If you are not one of us we will know.

See you soon. I hope some of you consider. This shit has to stop. Kookminers assemble!!

Bless 💜

[citrusotakutea]

Hey op just curious what makes you hate the new Hellsing fanbase. As a fellow Hellsing fan I was wondering if I’ve completely missed something strange going on lately.

The new Hellsing fandom honestly irks me because of the surface level probing of the source material*. Yes, to most it's a hard core, dark, violent, mad and bad-ass anime but, like I've said so often, for so long on this dumb blog, it has the BEST female characters I've ever seen, recently rivaled by Arcane. Incredible depiction of platonic relationships and morally grey characters. To me, it's primarily a found family story, among other things.

The side characters are incredible, Yumi and Heinkel are the most underrated of the show. I mean come on priest and nun lesbians (lesbian used liberally). Heinkel is confirmed by the author to be an INTERSEX HUMAN. Alucard shapeshifts into a female (which, looking at the Devilman fandom, everyone took for an obvious trans metaphor, why not here?). The source material is as homoerotic as it can get between a lot of the characters (the tension between Sir Integra and Seras during the blood scene). Let's not forget Rip van Winkle, Pip, Walter, and Alexander. Alucard's teasing, Seras' naivety and subsequent maturity, Pip's endurance and playful wittiness. These characters and relationships are stuck in my head forever, they're all incredibly unique, fleshed out and worth remembering, no matter how short a time they spent on screen. And the character designs? As a long-time vampyr and catholic guilt fan, can I just say. Rawr. This show shaped how I dress like irl and my own shitty characters, as well.

Sir Integra is my favorite character of the show and one of all time. Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. Like, an actually good depiction of a no-nonsense, androgynous as hell, unabashedly commanding (dare I say) woman? And it's played completely straight? No "Whaaa that's a woman?" every 2 seconds or "heh, you will listen to me despite my womanhood" from her. Powerful in her own right despite being the few "magic"-less humans of the series. 0 sexualized Ultimate scenes (sorry Seras and the "hot down there" comment doesn't count, that was banter). She was fucking knighted by the Queen of England before she was even 25, hence Sir Integra. Canonically bi-racial and South-Asian. I'm not even going to go into her character's willpower and values but. Hellloooo??? 

Not to mention, something noteworthy about the series, but Hellsing works because Hirano made time for silly moments. I mean, hell, one of the scenes I remember most vivdly was the gag of Heinkel lighting Sir Integra's cigar and being mega-pissed about it during the final battle, it's funny yet in character, despite many fans saying the humor throws you out of the "reality" of the show.

Oh no, but what do the new fandom gremlins talk about? "Alufart rails Y/A" "OMG VLADCARD'S BARA HAIRY TIDDIES I WANNA RUB MY FACE AGAINST THEM" (you know who you are) “I drew the most fucked up version of Alucard I could think of in my twisted mind”

and my personal "favorite":

"omg 🥺 what if intewa and alucard kisswdd", it's almost as bad as Seras x Alucard.

Unfortunately, I am a part of the ship police, so I'm gonna say right now that these two are my most hated ships:

1) Sir Integra and Alucard's relationship goes beyond romance to me. Since none of the new fans know the lore, Sir Integra is and will die a virgin (canon), it's literally plot relevant because by having sex, if she gets bit she will become a zombie slave (obvious but apparently needed to be said) and, taking a note from the 2001 anime, gone is any chance to continue the Hellsing mission. If she was bitten, plot armor aside, she'd have to off herself instead of becoming a vampire. (and for you freaks out there/pos, dare I say… ace representation? you can argue about desire and subtext later)

2) Seras and Alucard's relationship was specifically noted by the author to be a father/daughter dynamic, which is kind of obvious in the show. Like I said, fundamentally a found family series. Yeah, you don't need to treat found family like family family but I gen can't stand this ship.

I know that people will ship characters who've never been in a room together before. I can't stop people from shipping them and these two ships have ALWAYS been popular in the fandom. I typically ignore this and, yes, "don't like, don't interact" is my main rule. However, new fans ONLY talk about this stuff. None of the rest of the show seems to matter, just Alucard's hairy mustached tig bitties and him fucking one of the two women in the main cast. Or someone's self insert.

((tangent but personally my favorite ships are Alexander x Alucard (obviously in an enemies to enemies way), Heinkel x Yumi, and a romance only Seras x s.Integra. Like, you want old women yuri??? There ya go! They were in a mansion for like 30 years (I forgot) together, probably going missions alone and sharing their grief over Alucard and their unique experience/history. Like I said, I can't help who people ship, I'm not trying to say the source material is in favor of my ships or "how dare people interpret these obviously gay characters as straight". like no, that's not why I'm upset and ik alucard and alexander weren't yaoi-ing it up but like. alucard and s.integra shippers dni /j))

Not to mention, I couldn't help but notice, despite this information being readily available to my middle school self, no one knows the fckn lore or background of this show?? I honest to god saw someone comment that Hellsing Ultimate™ was a bad “remake” because it diverged from the original anime.

Here's SOME fun facts:

-the 2001 version of the show has a different ending than the manga because it wasn't finished yet (duh). Hellsing Ultimate is "soooo short" because production took almost a decade and it was trying to be a faithful, well-animated (that takes time bruv) adaptation. Oh, and a bunch of directional changes that I won't get into.

-there are multiple OVAs following Walter's youth in WW2 (Hellsing: The Dawn). Young Walter's design honestly was one of my favorites from the series so. Walter enjoyers. Check it out.

-there is a bonus book explaining a lot about the characters and process of creating Hellsing written by Hirano himself. whenever I got a hold of it, though (8+ years ago) there was no English translation.

-Alucard didn't just transform into a girl that one time, he was in his girl form the entire time during WW2 (hence why when people mention his possible affair with the Queen it might've been a sapphic thing but I think that mostly stems from the abridged series. the queen thing not the girl thing)

-Hirano used to be a Hentai mangaka and actually designed many of Hellsing's characters in said hentai or in short stories (such as Crossfire, it's basically extra, non-canonical Hellsing content) beforehand. Which, this used to be the most popular "fun fact" but has been lost to the sands of time now, so prepare for a lot of people rediscovering this.

-personal lore is I almost named myself Rip van Winkle bc of this show (quirked up Portal, Grell Sutcliff, queer-coded, rifle-wielding shawty)

Anyway, to sum it up, I hate when people don't interpret characters in the same way I do. Yes, I am a bad “fandom elder”, idgaf I am fundamentally a hater.

*I keep seeing this happen with old shows that resurface. Unlike newer or more popular shows where every scene gets scoured, characters who showed up for one scene get analyzed, and endless cafe AUs are made- older shows mostly get fan art of the main charas and the ships of the two hottest characters and that's it. Discussion of lore and themes are completely off the table. So I'm not surprised, just disappointed.

[kenthenugget]

Dear Watcher....

This is going to be about the youtube channel Watcher and a recent video that they released earlier today, so if you dont watch the channel, or older content produced by Ryan, Shane and Steven at Buzzfeed, this is not going to make sense to you. This only going to be for those who are a fan of Watcher, or are fans of Buzzfeed Unsolved so if you are, that's great!

Earlier today, I got a video notifcation from the channel titled, "goodbye youtube", and it was definitely not something I wanted to see. There is a recent trend this year of youtubers retiring or taking a break this year and I was scared this was that scenario. And it kind of was but way worse. Basically, the guys over at Watcher are going to be posting on their new streaming service called....Watcher. And, no, it is not a late April Fools joke, that's actually what their doing. Initially, I was in a state of shock after I watched through the entire video. I, no joke, went through the 5 stages of grief upon viewing this announcement and was thrown through a loop to where I struggled to focus on sketching one of my comic pages. So much so that I actually made a deviant blog post about it the moment I finished watching the video (most of the content from this post will be copied and pasted from that blog so declaimer I guess). After having some time to absorb this information, I have to say that Im really disappointed with the guys over at Watcher. Like Im not mad to where Im completely done with their content but.......WHY!?

I think at this point in time that a lot of people, myself included, are burnout with the whole streaming boom we've had for the past 5 years in no part thanks to those greedy bastards at Disney....but thats another story. I miss the days when there were only 2 to 3 main streaming services and not 5 billion other services that you need to buy in order to watch a show you like that was on Netflix but it now locked behind a pay wall. Streaming services used by a novelty concept but are now not looked upon in the best light. So for the them to announce a streaming service now is definitely a bad look, especially because the content before was free to access. I feel like creators will always have an uphill battle when it comes to content that was initially free being locked behind a paywall, because you're potentially isolating your audience and bringing up the question of weather your audience if loyal enough to give you money to enjoy your content. Now, like I said, I love and respect the people at Watcher, but I dont know if I'm willing to take money out of my wallet to watch the next season of Ghost Files. Especially in this economy, where in some parts of the country a big mac now costs 20 fucking dollars, and with inflation going out of control.

Now its not like I don't understand why they're doing this. Ever since its founding in 2019, Watcher has always had troubles with money, with most of their shows not being profitable enough to make ends meet (I know that sounds bs because most of their vidoes get millions of views but this is coming from one of the founders Steven, in an update video from a while ago so idk, views probably mean jack shit in the grand scheme of things). And the fact that they started around the pandemic didn't help things either. Unlike Buzzfeed, Watcher is a much smaller company so any loss that happens is felt much more than if it was a larger one. In the video itself, they mentioned that most of their money came through youtube ads and sponsorships, which, while alright if you're an independent creator, may not be enough for a company. And then there's the fact that YouTube can remove or demonetize videos out of nowhere and for the dumbest reasons so its not a very stable sight to base your income off of. So I can understand why they felt moving on from YouTube was a good idea. But..........I think there were better ways of going about it than creating their own fucking streaming service. Like, in one of their update vidoes, they said most of their shows werent making ends meet so maybe cutting back on the production of said shows to make them not as expensive to produce would be a good solution. In their announcement vid, they talked about wanting to maintain their high production value for their shows without going under but (and I dont mean this to slight them) I dont think they understand why they popped off in the first place. For me, Im not watching Ghost Files or Mystery Files for high production value and fancy graphics, Im there for Ryan and Shane. Same reason I loved Buzzfeed Unsolved, which compared to those shows is much more bare bones. I get wanting to step up your production value from what you had at Buzzfeed but if you have budget out in certain places which would entail having a season that doesnt look as good as the previous season, that's completely fine. Im sure me and the rest of fans wouldn't have minded a downgrade because at the end of the day, the fancy sets and graphics are window dressing to why we're truly watching.

I also thinking letting us know ahead of time would've possibly softened the blow. Watcher is in a very interesting situation because there's a much closer relationship between them and their customer base as opposed to traditional companies. So they really could've been like "hey! We're thinking about having future content be on our own streaming service because doing business through YouTube is fucking us over. What do you guys think?". One explanation as to why they waited until now instead of a few months ago when this idea was sparked could've been because they knew they would get backlash and they were going ahead with the streaming service idea regardless of fan input, which might be the reason. But if that's the case, they probably would've had the comments and likes disabled from the start. Right before I started typing this, I checked the video to see if the comments were disabled and they are thankfully still there. Im someone who always wants to see the good in people (which is definitely a character flaw of mine and while defiently lead to me being at the end of an abusive relationship........another abusive relationship but lets not go there), so I think this might be the case of Ryan, Shane and Steven, thinking the streaming service was a good idea and not reading the room properly.

At this point, Im hoping that they dont do things that could make this situation 10 times worse: a) removing the existing content (Mystery Files, Puppet History, etc) off the youtube channel and having it on their streaming service. If you are going to have new seasons of those shows behind a paywall, at least have that content still up for those who want to support but cant purchase the service......b) respond to the critism in a negative way. I think things would be made worse if they lumped genuine fans who are concerned with the new direction with the trolls and haters, and double down on this new direction. Im hoping this situation ends up being a slip up that they can learn from and not being the beginning of the downfall of the Watcher gang. No joke, I think Ryan and Shane are the only youtubers who have avoided any sort of drama up to now. Youtubers I once respected over the years from Tobuscus to Leafyishere to H3H3 to Idubbz to even fucking Dream have all fell from grace in one way or another, and Im hoping the ghoul boys dont join that list....

[cleverthylacine]

Okay. Wow. (also feel free to circulate this post to people even if they don't like me)

I didn't want to make a post like this but things have gone too far. I am still not mentioning names. If you know you know, if you don't know, ignore this post and be happy that you don't know.

Yesterday I went on a blitz of blocking people I was told had been sharing my private DMs and talking shit about me behind my back with an artist who is freaked out that I told them I wouldn't take down a reblog, and then explained that they are popular with RavWave shippers, and that I didn't know who they were until other shippers sent me their stuff, because their art does look shippy to us.

It seems that a lot of the people who are really mad about this (and you're welcome to share this one post of mine with those people, though I do not appreciate that their friends have been stalking my blog in general) think that I was trying to ARGUE with that person.

Much as their motivation in drawing the art was not to depict my OTP, my motivation in telling them that they accidentally did was not to argue with them about how they should view the relationship. It was information about why people get what is apparently the wrong idea about their art.

If I were writing or drawing something that was being misinterpreted all over creation, I would want to know why.

Then I would be armed with the knowledge to decide whether or not I wanted to do things differently in the future.

"I don't care what those people think" is a valid decision. So is "hmm, maybe she has a point." Whichever decision I made, I'd want to make it as an informed decision.

I feel a little sorry about this giant misunderstanding, but I'm absolutely disinclined to apologise because:

Their first message to me was insulting. Many people believe that it was a "polite request". But polite words can be used in a thoroughly rude and nasty way. There is no nice way to tell someone that you think they're so nasty you don't want your public posts appearing on their blog.

Saying no to requests is a thing that people are allowed to do.

Their second message to me, which evaded my block because it was sent to another account, was blatantly offensive and went into the quality of my family and relationships. I didn't respond to that because I'd have gone off.

They have their friends stalking my blog and have admitted to doing so, and have responded to venting on my part by vagueblogging in my own blogs by telling everyone that they're the person I am annoyed with and here are the receipts. Seriously, wtf?

I only know this because I'm trying to block all the assholes who are reposting my personal conversations with them, a thing i only know because a friend of mine told me so after receiving a demand they unfriend me.

This person and their friends are sending anon asks to my friends, or in one case, publicly demanding in an RP community, that people who want to interact with them unfollow me, because they will not interact with anyone who interacts with me. Go the fuck back to high school, Regina.

Don't put icing and sprinkles on a pile of shit and tell yourself you gave someone a chocolate cake. This person has never been "nice" to me.

Under the cut: why IDW Ravage would never allow herself to be handled like a pet cat, and why RavWave shippers feel the same way about the Earthspark deleted scenes, even though we know that's probably not what the showrunners meant us to think.

I have come to the conclusion that's it's just another case of antis thinking that if you can see two people in a non-platonic relationship that they think of as family, you're just nasty. Especially if the feline shaped character is being handled like a pet cat.

But the person who said "I look disrespectfully on anyone who ships this, that's just a goof and his cat" has missed the entire point of these characters' relationship. Soundwave would never treat or handle Ravage like she was a pet cat.

Anyone else who says RavWave shippers are nasty because "it's NoRMaL to handle your cat that way" is fundamentally not getting who Ravage is and how she feels about being touched.

Ravage is a sapient adult mech with a full range of sapient adult feelings, and touching her like she's an animal is a microaggression or a macroaggression, depending upon where and how you touch her. The oppression of beastformers is a big fucking thing in IDW 2005. Other beastformers also complain about constantly having to deal with unwanted and disrespectful touching. (Fortress Maximus is a known offender.)

IDW Ravage is sleeping in Megatron's bed throughout MTMTE (when she's under it, she's guarding him). She only allows him to touch her neck in front of others...because behaving like a pet cat increases the chances that people will treat her like one.

(She almost cut Nautica several times. That's another character I ship her with, because what would be funnier than her realising that this actually is a whole ass person and if she can't stop touching her, she might actually be attracted to her?)

(Note: Canonically, Ravage in IDW uses he/him, and I do know that. However, about half the fandom writes Ravage as female. I'm in that half.)

BTW, I feel exactly the same way about the Earthspark deleted scenes. Every RavWave shipper on the planet does. We've talked about it. We realise that the artists and showrunners probably intended it to be innocent on the grounds that she is a cat. But we are also people who like to write her as an adult Decepticon officer with agency and self-respect who wouldn't behave like that in front of other people unless they knew he has privileges they don't.

I am aware that half the fandom draws Ravage art that's basically cat memes. (I hate that so much. But as a proshipper, I recognise people have the right to depict characters any way they want. That doesn't mean I haven't had to vent to people like @bitegore and @miner16 to keep myself from saying something.)

Also, I strongly suggest that people who get this worked up about misinterpretations of their art or writing do not become professional creators. As a member of fandom since the 1970s, I'm kind of super extremely aware that most of what fandom does is counter to what the creator intended, and frequently that's the point.

I'm also kind of super extremely aware that if you don't have loads of people reinterpreting and remixing your work and your characters, that actually means nobody cares about your work enough to have blorbo feels about your characters.

(The side poll, which came from another blog and mentioned no names, was an irritated attempt to find out whether people really do think it's normal to cuddle your mom that way, because the second message insinuated that my mother and I must have a terrible relationship because we don't touch each other like that. I kinda wanted to know what people who were not predisposed to take my side and did not know what was going on would think of that idea, because I really do not think most people touch their mothers like that; their mothers aren't nonsapient animals and would thus consider it weird and inappropriate.)

[heartshapedgreen]

cannot take most intersex people's discordance with trans people not mentioning intersexuality seriously considering how so much of it is hinged on arguments around transandrophobia + simultaneously denying tme/tma terminology. (the cognitive dissonance is unrealllll)

like whatever line of thought people follow when they homogenize all trans women as white, that's... most intersex blogs on here from what i've seen. like either they're white or nonblack who talk like That. so much so that one of the arguments i saw on an intersex blog was basically "forcing intersex people to adopt tme/tma language is strange because if i should add 'tme' to my bio, that means poc also have to mention they're 'nonblack'" and i was sitting there with tme + nonblack in my bio like.... Yea. maybe you should. (this is specifically important to me because i come from an ethnic group with a sizable black community who have influenced our heritage heavily & i have friends who are black and like... i hate the thing racialized people do on the internet where they go 'i'm brown' meanwhile they grew up cared for by a brown maid and they're the daughter of an oil tycoon. but also like... every ethnic group has nonblack & black members lol? so that's a normal thing to mention.)

there is a lot to be said re: tma/tme terminolgoy, like how transmisogyny functions differently in other societies and how that can influences the usage (or lack thereof) of this language. but like. this is the webbedsite where racialized trans women are purged incessantly & it's just useless to create discussions around that because it will never lead anywhere productive other than white people being voyeuristic.

something that always strikes me as odd is when trans people are posited as the enemy when it's not mentioned that intersex people are forcibly medicalized whenever the topic of hrt comes around is that...... cis people will also look at my intersex body and think i've been damaged by hrt, the same way they talk about exterminating perisex trans people, when i literally Just Woke Up Like This™ & i feel like there is a lot of projection for the hurt that causes onto trans people being happy about hrt changing their bodies. (the implication is always that trans and intersex people experiences are always mutually exclusive as if intersex people don't seek out hrt or are happy about the weird fucked up ways our hormones work on their own. idk about the rest of ya'll but i feel like a mad scientist and the experimented on all at once. it's fun!)

like i think it's important for trans folx to understand when making jokes about "cis people receiving hrt so easily" that. they actually do not. that's the entire point. that's the entire reason why we have to fight for hrt to be normalized. the ones who are receiving it "easily" are forced into it because their body is "damaged". but it's also odd to me that intersex arguments against forced medicalization hinge on fearmongering over hrt the same way perisex cis do & they don't seem to consider that... hrt is ALSO not accessible to us if we want to pursue it out of our own will. it's about autonomy & personhood but that's lost in all these weird transmisogynistic bs. so it's unsurprising to me that none of these discussions are contextualized in an intersectional lens, people turn away their eyes from the fact black transfems bear the brunt of interphobia/transmisogynoir (yes even perisex black transfems!!!!!!) and i have to see stupid shit like "if we're forced to use tme/tma terminology to mark our position in the gender hierarchy then doesn't that mean we should adopt nonblack more widely to show our racial privilege??? fucked up and weird if true!! i'm so smart."

[knotwerk]

holy shit i fucking love editing. (remind me i said that in two weeks.) 

i’m working on the proper hydration series finale aka PH6. i finished writing the first draft on 4/6/24, clocking in at 85k words. and then i sat on it for a few days before rereading it, did an extremely cursory once-over edit, and sent it off to my first reader & og beta @demolitionwoman-blog (CHEERS!!!). she started working on the beta, and by the time she hit chapter 3, she made the observation that the next step in the editing process for this might not be a typical beta read, but a structure/development read, and maybe a reverse outline would be a good next step. 

and i was like, i have never heard of a reverse outline. like, i have never heard of most things, really; i just started writing fiction in fucking august 2022 and am having a FUCKING BALL learning by doing. so i googled reverse outline, read the top three hits lol, and was like OH FUCK YES. 

because i do not Outline-outline when i write. all respect to those who do!!!!!, but i just Can Not. i have tried, and i get both daunted and bored, and that combo is like fucking kryptonite to my brain. for a longer piece (or a piece that doesn’t just burst out of my fingertips in response to a gifset or bts drop or tweet or gc comment 😅), i do make a sort of vibes outline. like, i open a fresh doc and splort down all the themey ideas i’m able to put words to at that point, and i make notes on whatever beats have already formed in my head, but it’s loose and sketchy at best. and then i write and see what happens as the story unfolds, and i go back to that notes doc to sort of talk to myself about it, to update the vibe outline as i get further in my draft, etc. 

but PH6 is the longest & most complex thing i’ve written yet, so by the time i got to the end of the first draft—by the time i’d put the whole story into words—i was like, oh my god, what is this. like, has this done the thing i wanted to do, per my vibe outline, and also, what did it actually do, and is it legible (whatever that means; like far be it from me to tell the reader what they should get out of something, but, generally speaking, is it cohesive.). now that i have told the story, like… what the fuck is the story about please, and does it "work." 

so i “finished” my reverse outline yesterday and omfg it’s helping so much and it’s SO EXCITING!!!! LIKE, THIS IS HELPING ME WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE THING I DID, SO I AM BETTER ABLE TO SEE WHAT I AM TRYING TO DO!!!! AND I CAN WORK WITH THAT!!!!!

it’s like i had a bunch of kittens scrambling around in my brain and while i was writing i was like 'oh i love these kittens so much, and i really hope this story herds these kittens effectively so they slow down just enough that people can really see their cute little faces (including me, i am people)' and then i finished the first draft and was like 'ahhh did the story herd the kittens??? i can't tell, they're still moving too fast in my brain' and then the reverse outline showed up and was like I COME BEARING TUNA AND FIFTEEN CARDBOARD BOXES and now i can see the kittens better. 

and then! i slept on it last night, and this morning my brain was like, “oh, here, why don’t i just efficiently articulate the vibes and arrange them in a tidy visual diagram that reveals how they all flow through the story for you?” WHEE!!

and then i got so excited that i had to put it down and write all this instead of working on it further 

(this, which could probably use its own reverse outline lmao)

like, i’m reading Mary Ruefle’s Madness, Rack, and Honey, which is a book of collected lectures that i cannot stop screaming about and that slaps so hard i keep having to throw it across the room, and just the other day i read, in the chapter “On Secrets,” 

I used to think I wrote because there was something I wanted to say. Then I thought, “I will continue to write because I have not yet said what I wanted to say”; but I know now I continue to write because I have not yet heard what I have been listening to.

and i think the reverse outline is helping me hear it a little better, and that is fucking exciting.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

hi im anon from (734828727660412928/npd-culture-is-deciding-to-give-up-on-friendships?source=share) (hopefully that link works, I don't use tumblr often so I'm not sure how to go about following up asks on anon). just came back to read this blog during a really bad crash im having right now because it cheers me up to know im not alone in having symptoms of this disorder and saw my ask got posted...

(update on friend situation) just today they said in the group chat theyre all drawing gift art for each other and other friends... i'm still waiting on the paid art from them but they're doing art trades and stuff for free so i feel kind of like trash. im a bit of a bleeding heart though so im gonna give them like one more month before telling them not to bother finishing the art for me... id love my money back because it did cost a LOT of money but i dont want to be a dick so im just going to express my disappointment by telling them not to worry about the commission at all. i want to feel like i have some right to be mad in this situation but im very soft hearted and dont really have any other friends so if i lost these friends id have literally nobody else in my life :( and that kinda feels like hell for me to think about... i feel like im being treated like dirt but im still going to go christmas shopping for them.............. even if i feel like shit, i feel shittier if i dont get people gifts and stuff because i just think to myself, like, "i feel like crap if nobody buys me shit for holidays or my fucking own birthday and i dont want other people to feel that way".....

also im feeling a little sad because whenever my friends talk about their friends they dont even refer to me by name theyll go "[friend a name], [friend b name] and oomfie are in our server" or something. im not even a name to them... i feel like the last kid picked on a team but not even the last pick. like have you guys ever been on a sports team and you kinda got awkwardly waved over to one of the teams because nobody even wanted to pick you? yeah.

i wonder if im just really dense and need to pick up on hints that people dont even want to be around me. i even tried to post this video game i started working on lately because i thought it was really interesting and cool and i put my soul into it but everyone just ignored it in the group chat.

i think the social outcast route is probably my best bet at this rate, i think. im going to be pretty fucking depressed about limiting my social interactions but i think the depression from isolation isnt as bad as getting constant narc crashes from people not putting even a tiny bit of energy into friendships. like.. i honestly am not asking for very much. i get fucking narc highs if someone uses my fucking name in a conversation. i get highs from literally the bare minimum fucking interaction of anything directed in my direction im so desperate....

i wasnt going to write up a follow up ask but i just wanted to say thanks to this blog for existing and making me feel like im not completely alone and thanks for the nice comments in the reblogs and tags, it cheered me up. you guys are really nice to me and i'm a complete stranger to you all, it makes me feel like theres some hope for nice people existing out there. im just a little too tired to carry on. thank you all, i hope you have a really good day. keep on surviving out there, it's not a kind world to any of us, and it's tough to stay alive at all.

(apologies for another vent but thanks for posting my asks <3 i wish you all the best and nice days to come. also sorry this isnt in the npd culture format, but i just rly wanted to say thank you for the support on the other ask)

sending hugs (with consent) nonny 🫂 i'm so sorry honestly you deserve way better than how your friends are treating you :( i hope at some point you can talk to them about how they're making you feel and improve the situation because it sounds like you deserve better

[miss-dollette]

Your fandom rants and icks... finally someone said it. I've been thinking about this lately and couldn't put it into words but you hit the nail on the head. There have been so many things that have recently been in the fandom and/or fanfics that have driven me absolutely insane. I'm never one to be a debbie downer or shit on anyones fun but some things have just made me incredibly uncomfortable recently that I've actively had to go through and block/mute tags or blogs because it's overwhelmed the COD tag. It makes me so sad because it's basically stopped me from engaging in anything at all in relation to COD because I feel bombarded and it's not enjoyable. The biggest thing recently that's bothered me is stories being written that are completely out of character for the COD guys. Like I get that it's fanfiction but seeing stuff written that clearly doesn't match the individual(s) written about feels weird and at that point it's not even the original character anymore so whats the point?? I know some people probably strongly disagree but at a certain point it almost feels disrespectful to the original characters and their stories. It also feels like a way for some weird shit to be fleshed out and, again, to each their own and it's fiction blah blah blah, but for fucks sake. Like literally for. fucks. sake. Like you said, It's like people writing stuff about Ghost that would be completely out of character for someone like him, with all of the trauma and experience that is literally canon to him as a character. Maybe it's because I have a degree in psychology and know people who have been through things that are written/portrayed in COD that it all just doesn't sit right with me... Let's not even get started on having a degree in psychology and seeing things like pedo shit practically glorified, let alone being written about. Holy. Fucking. Shit. There are a few writers that I think truly understand certain characters and write about them in such a beautiful way that it makes me so upset that it gets overshadowed and bogged down by absolutely horrendous things in the tags. I'm so sorry this is so long. I didn't intended to write a whole ass dissertation on this but I'm so happy to see someone else is feeling this way.

Everyone is on my ass for what I said. But to be honest, I don't careeeee. I don't. I really don't. They're real mad but I'm just laughing. I'm just expressing my feelings and having fun doing it. It's funny, cause my post got 100 likes in a day. That's telling something.

You should see the messages im receiving. I don't mind, I love trolling a little.

I said the hard truth, and they can't handle it.

'Preciate your message. Great minds think alike.

If you wanna laugh, check out my responses to these messages. I had fun.

[chappell-roans]

What’s the most controversial TS unpopular opinion you have?

Respectfully this feels like bait and I know you just send a lot of asks but idk ihsflnkd I feel like I've laid out some popular and unpopular Taylor opinions and I'll continue to do so because this blog is where I like to speak my mind... but do it mindfully lol, putting out an unpopular opinion for the fuck of it, instead of as part of a conversation or organic observation, doesn't really sound like something I want to do. Like I could say the most un/popular thing and someone will dis/agree with me. It comes with the territory of talking about anything on the internet, but especially the most famous entertainer in the world.

And because I'm apparently keyboard-happy this morning, I'll add a Taylor fandom opinion (or observation, or both) that I have been holding my tongue on, and it's twofold. I see this a lot, especially on commentary blogs (I don't count myself as one, and I see this on other types of blogs, across fandoms, but we're focusing on TS now), where anons use another blogger's inbox as a soapbox for sharing opinions, or guiding topics, or facilitating fandom drama. And often get mad if you don't answer them! When it is someone else (a stranger, like you and I are strangers) they're asking questions to, and to be posted on someone else's blog. It is a strange phenomenon that an anonymous asker can feel butthurt that they aren't getting their tidbit shared on another person's blog. I've seen unanswered or unsatisfied anons harass my friends! It's absolutely wild and unacceptable behavior. You are not owed space on someone else's blog. If you want to talk about something so badly, make your own post on your own blog.

Also, the way fandom drama spreads and every differing opinion becomes Discourse is annoying. Oh, Sally on blog1234 said she thinks Taylor Swift wets the bed? Let's go tell otherblog5678, and see what Billy thinks, because we know he disagrees and it'll make him mad, because he knows Taylor Swift hasn't wet her bed since she was 13! And anyone who says otherwise is a fake fan! And on and on and on. People can have opinions and if you don't like it, just unfollow, rather than checking the temperature of every other blogger you perceive to be big's opinions. And granted, I enjoy being part of this sometimes. But sometimes it's just like... why? Because often people figure out the source of the big bad other opinion and then they start drama and iyiyi.

[beevean]

Hey it’s so called this morning’s anon back with more things to say I suppose…

I supposed I wanted to elaborate on some things, I know you said you didn’t wanna start discourse but I really wanted to elaborate on what I meant by that proshipping comment. The term proship, from what I heard, has gone from let people ship what they want and if you don’t like don’t look to… This person is a disgustingly vile subhuman and their death should be celebrated.

Funnily enough I openly ship problematic stuff, but I constantly over complicate things to prove that I’m still better than ‘those guys’, to say that I have morality and ‘they’ don’t… But it’s so fucking exhausted. My life wasn’t good and moral and pure so why does my art have to be?

I’m sick of fearing I’ll have someone genuinely threaten my life because I cope differently than them. Ironically I used to get mad when people say it was their coping mechanism, calling it a shitty excuse to be a whatever [You can insert all kinds of fun and degrading terms there] and yet… I was doing the same thing.

So yeah… I don’t like everything but I’m realizing that everything has its place and if that makes me a proshipper then fuck it I guess I’m a proshipper

[After reading all those kind messages I wanted some way to reveal myself because surprise you actually know who I am! But I wasn’t sure how to do that without outing myself so openly… I read your Hevor fic and told you about it on Discord, it’s the only thing we ever discussed. So yeah if you manage to figure me out based on that alone then congratulations! Purity culture is ruining my life so bad I can’t even say my own name! ;3]

fdjskfksdngksjdhk talk about efficient secret codes lmao. Yes I understand now 😄

That's pretty much what happened. "Proship" started as a countermovement to the "anti" culture budding around 2016 who were all like "Sheith is actually incest because they're like brothers and that's gross guys!!!!", and at first it meant simply "ship and let ship", but then it got twisted into meaning "someone who enjoys problematic ships/ships with incest, pedophilia and/or abuse", which inevitably leads to "this person has Something Wrong with them and they're a Bad Person who Hurts people like me with their Degenerate Art! Pedo alert pedo alert! PUNISHMENT FOR A THOUSAND YEARS".

The problem is that "enjoys" means a lot of things :^) there is a difference between "aww they're so cute <3", "welp this is a kink now", and "wow this would be incredibly fucked up but I am intrigued to explore this story". But nuance is not allowed, apparently.

(fun fact: I don't really go through proship blogs because I swear they all ship sibling incest. I hate sibling ships lmao, especially when they're wholesome. But of course they're all in the "will accept anything" community, after being pretty much shunned and painted as horrible abusers who deserve to be hurt and worse - and just because I don't want to see those ships, that doesn't mean I think they're bad people who condone real-life abuse. So yeah, proship is not about having all the grossest ships in the world, you can be exclusively into the most vanilla M/F ships ever and still think "yo do what you want I'll respect you from a distance")

I also hear similar stories like yours, of people who twist themselves into pretending to be antis and be morally "purer" than others when in private they were doing the same things they were insulting others for, just with tons of shame and denial. Not judging you and I'm happy when people realize that this behavior is harmful, definitely more than being into the Problematic lol... I'm just disappointed and frustrated that the internet culture has come to this. I reiterate my points about surrounding yourself with friends who don't make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells.

Also real talk: you don't really have to psychoanalyze yourself. Maybe your tastes are tied to an easily identifiable reason, or maybe they aren't or the reason goes too deep to explore without outside help. In any case, it doesn't matter. You don't have to justify yourself in any way, let alone showing to everyone the "I'm Coping With Trauma" badge in the hopes they will forgive you - because it doesn't work. It's never about the mental health of victims, it's about "i feel icky and i don't want to :("

Disgust is not harm. You (general) have every right to be disgusted by something - I myself am not above it :P But it's not a personal attack against you, and it's your responsibility to walk away and coping with your feelings in private.