#they're just sort of funny

[canisalbus]

I am so sorry if this is inappropriate but machete's fluffy ass is the greatest thing ever

.

[ministarfruit]

day 28: made you smile ♡

(femslashfeb prompt list)

[poppy-metal]

just thought of being scumbag patricks pretty little girlfriend and saying you love him mid-stroke and he groans, puts a hand over your mouth because you dont mean that shit - he's gonna pretend he didn't hear it, cause hes bad for you and you falling in love with him would be fucking awful for you both - doesn't stop him from fucking you deeper though, immediately after you say it. like the words have a lasso affect and his hips crash into yours, not parting this time, just grinding his cock inside - way more intimate than he usually allows. biting his palm, wrestling your mouth from under his palm in defiance like the brat you are so you can pant and whine another breathless "i love you - i love -" he fucks you harder until the words fade out into moans. acting like his balls aren't twitching to unload inside you the moment you said those words, like its just to shut you up, the desperate slam of his hips, and not like the confession means anything.

[dailyloopdeloop]

loop and mirabelle. That's it that's the ask

DAY 84: enrolled in the gossip wars

[popfizzles]

Rum and Tumb ARE demons, but the Devil made them specifically to replace Cuphead and Mugman for him. The Devil did his best to make them look as much like the twins as possible (and he got pretty close, all things considering)!

Here's a reference of their base form colors, and all the notes of the small differences they have compared to the twins.

Cuphead and Mugman were the best, most efficient repossession men the Devil had ever had, so the Devil wanted to hire them full time (and of course, get their souls in the process), and after they refused, the Devil got a bit obsessed with the idea of having them anyway.

Rummer and Tumbler were the first and only attempt at making his own.

[ukuslip]

i will get her out of that godforsaken show i swear

[the-phoenix-heart]

Sorting Hat Chats - The Malfoys

Since the Malfoys have been a bit of a hot topic lately, I decided to give them their sorting post similar to what I did with the Weasleys...3 years ago??? Where does the time go??

Anyway, this is an explanation of the system I am using by @wisteria-lodge.

LUCIUS MALFOY is blatantly a Badger secondary. His methods are to make donations to people, goad Arthur Weasley into a fight so he can slip Ginny the diary, he uses blackmail against the other members of the Board of Governors, calling in favors, and when in the hall of prophecies with Harry and his gang his strategy is to talk him into giving the prophecy over. It's what makes him so effective in the first five books, but is also why once everyone knows the truth about him he is in a constant state of free fall.

As for his primary, I think it's fairly obvious that he's a Snake. He can look like a Badger, dehumanizing muggleborns and joining the Death Eaters, but that's a performance. When the chips are down, what Lucius really cares about himself, his wife, and his son. Snake Lucius is willing to get rid of every association to the Death Eaters he had, and in the Second Wizarding War is not enjoying himself at ALL. He's also clearly got that Snake hedonism to him.

NARCISSA MALFOY née BLACK is an equally blatant Snake primary, although she doesn't appear to even play the part of a Badger. Everything to her is her son and her husband (and her husband takes a backseat to her son usually). Narcissa doesn't even appear to like Bellatrix all that much anymore since Bella is a threat to her family. Down to the end her motivation is always to keep Draco safe, damn the consequences.

As for her secondary, since she's such a minor character you can probably make an argument for any of them. But I personally think she's a Snake secondary, making her a Double Snake. This is a woman who lies to Voldemort's face and doesn't get caught. Who is willing to go behind his back and make back-alley deals with someone like Snape.

I've sorted DRACO MALFOY once before with @awinterrain which you can read right here, but I would like to reiterate it and expand on it.

Draco may be the epitome of Slytherin in the books, and he may hate Hufflepuffs and think of them as "duffers," but this boy is Double Badger down to his bones. This is a boy who cares deeply about communities. He defines himself by them, first as a Malfoy, then as a Slytherin, then as a Seeker on the quidditch team, then as part of the Inquisitorial Squad, then as a death eater (which he doesn't care for). I think at the beginning of the series he's a good case for an Immature Badger primary, where he just IS the group he's into and nothing outside of this.

His Badger primary can look very insular and Snake-like, partially because pureblood culture alienates everyone outside of it, and partially because his family is so Snakey that it colors the look of his Badger primary. Idk if I would even call it a performance or a model, it's more like a flavor.

But he does start to look like a Snake primary in his Sixth Year, where he's single-mindedly focused on saving his family. That's because in Sixth Year he burns after joining the Death Eaters. And it's honestly really sad, but it's because Draco has realized his communities are toxic and not good for him. The Death Eaters aren't good, they're the reason his father is in prison and his mother is in danger. This is the year where he really stops engaging with his peers and is sort of just coasting on his former reputation.

But that Badger shine is still there, and it's in the fact that Draco Malfoy has to kill Dumbledore and cannot do it. A true Snake Draco Malfoy would probably have gone through with it, even if it he felt bad about it. Badger Draco, who spent books 1-5 shit talking Dumbledore at any opportunity, cannot do it. I think it's because 1. He isn't ready for casual murder, and 2. I think Dumbledore for Draco represents one more community that he identifies with-Hogwarts. And clearly he does care about Hogwarts (I don't think the Room of Requirement would reveal itself to him if he did).

As for his secondary, Draco is his father in miniature. Draco is a tattle tail, he has bodyguards that follow him around, he usually goads Harry into confrontations so Harry gets into trouble and Draco can have plausible deniability. What's most interesting to me though is Draco's proclivity for elaborate smear campaigns. The "Potter Stinks" badges are HIS work as is the "Weasley is Our King" song, which is very...mean badgery. Like this is his community building with Slytherin (arguably all of Hogwarts with the badges), and using his powers to bully Harry. It's funny, despite everything. He does perform Snake though, to make everything look quicker or look like his mother.

Even his methods when he has to kill Dumbledore are Badger powered. Working on the Vanishing Cabinet all year, poisoning Professor Slughorn's mead he intended to give Dumbledore, and charming Rosmerta to imperious Katie Bell. But, he still has that influence from his mom where he can lie to someone's face (though not as convincingly).

I think Draco looks at his father's Badger performance, and thus thinks they house match. And it explains why he is so wary of his father after the Death Eater reveal, since Draco has realized he does not enjoy that sort of Badger primary.

As a bonus I decided to sort BELLATRIX LESTRANGE née BLACK as well. Since for some reason the movies always advertised her as part of the Malfoys. No doubt about it she is a Lion secondary. I don't think Bellatrix has every learned the meaning of the word subtle. She never lies in the series, just blasts the truth out whenever, and is always an attack first think never character.

As for her primary, can she be anything other than exploded snake primary? Her everything is Voldemort. She doesn't really care for anyone outside of him, with the exception of Narcissa, who stopped liking Bellatrix when she became a danger to her son. I think at one point she had a Badger performance or model that allowed her to willingly marry someone like Rodolphus who she doesn't appear to like, but by the time she's going to Azkaban she doesn't care. It's honestly such a Black Family sorting. Sirius was a Snake Lion as well, and the culture of the "Noble and Most Ancient House of Black" seems to just be Snake coded in general.

So...

Lucius Malfoy - Snake primary, Badger performance/Badger secondary

Narcissa Malfoy nee Black - Snake primary/Snake secondary

Draco Malfoy - Badger primary, Immature at the start, burns in his Sixth Year, has a Snake performance or flavor/Badger secondary, Snake performance

Bonus:

Bellatrix Lestrange nee Black - Exploded Snake primary, Badger performance/model long discarded/Lion secondary

Sirius Black - Snake primary/Lion secondary

[drinkingdeadpeopletea]

it is so so funny to go back and rewatch the zahra and kash episodes of the original stream with their tlovm characterizations fresh in my mind. in tlovm zahra is like "ugh vox machina 🙄🙄 the twins stole my prize 🙄🙄 vex isn't as hot and charming as she thinks 🙄🙄" and in the stream anytime after her literal first episode she's like "hi vox machina 🥰🥰 hi vex 🥰🥰" and they're all like "HI ZAHRA 🥺🥺🥺🥺" and then she's instantly grabbing her staff to help them kill four dragons.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some fantasy traveler inventory details (like what they would carry in their bags), based on two of the recent costumes I did.. love finding random little scraps and items and putting them together lol

[fountainpenguin]

I think the funniest possible direction for post-Season 1 Dale is "Clocks something sus, develops a hero complex towards his abuser, and makes time for her while still ignoring his son."

City Lights AU is a cursed reality where the reason Dev didn't know Vicky abused his dad is because Dale refuses to accept that his ex-BFF is a terrible person. I can make them worse... I will make them worse.

[rambunctioustoons]

you ask Sundrop Fnaf what gender they are, they answer "oh, you know! :)". Does not elaborate.

you ask Moondrop Fnaf what gender they are, they open their mouth and Hiss at you.

[jake-is-screaming-in-tune]

[ladyaster]

After Isa's redemption in KH3, I'll never find it not funny as a huge fan of FFVIII that the fanon consensus is that the new "nemesis" of the Seasalt Trio or at least Roxas and Xion is Seifer.

I dunno how much of the KH fandom has played FFVIII, and in-universe it makes sense given Seifer is the "neighborhood bully" of Twilight Town. However, given what VIII players know about him, it's hilarious and cathartic to see these two kids either bonk him with copied claymores in response to him trying to intimidate them into giving him their ice cream money, curbstomp him at Struggle right after calling them "lamers" or "chicken wusses", or accidentally drop half-eaten popsicles on his face when, in his universe of origin, Seifer was a major war criminal who, among other things, dropped all sorts of horrible endgame monsters including actual malboros onto a hugely populated city (which like any VIII fan can tell you, malboros are already nope on a stick in general, but in VIII in particular they're excessively brutal).

Roxas and Xion are just delivering Seifer some belated karma from 1999 is all and I'm loving every second of it.

[luc3ks]

big things happening here aka self indulgent offshoot au with my friend where she sticks her character into my ocverse and shit starts happening it's funny

ogilvie emerson, called "big dog" by us cuz that's his au nickname from where he originally came from

[xxx-ang3l-w1th-a-sh0tgun-xxx]

why do i KEEP seeing those dumb posts where it's just "jokes" with an awful AI pic in the background? i never interact with them???? Tumblr stop showing me this AI bullshit

[pinkravat-art]

i love it when comedians make media that is not strictly A Comedy. music, dramas, podcasts, whatever. they have such a way with words and the comedy bleeds into whatever they make. It's my favourite thing ever.

please gimme your faves, i want to know more writers like this