#they'll get better don't worry!
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I Need Your Help...
CW/ mpreg, language, slight angst (people saying harsh things to/about each other that they don’t really mean because they’re hurt and are stupid dumb idiots that are bad at communicating🥺💔)
Pt. 2
"Here we go," F0rd finally said after sifting through one of the cupboards in the small kitchen and pulling out a can. He chucked it St@n's way, the latter reflexively catching it like he'd been tossed a baseball. "I could warm it up if you'd rather, but it'll take the stove a bit to heat up."
St@nley turned the can in his fingers as he studied the label. Baron NumNums High Flyin’ Pork 'n Beans. 'Not exactly kosher, S1xer,' he almost joked aloud, but kept his mouth shut. It's not something that mattered to himself, anyway. Not anymore.
"Nah, it's fine like it is." he assured as he pulled out a pocket knife. He could practically feel the curious look his brother was giving him as he dug the blade into the lid of the can, making quick work of popping it open and eagerly dipping the spoon he'd been given into it's contents.
Though he wouldn't outright admit it... he was absolutely FAMISHED. So much so he basically shuddered in delight at the mere taste as he popped the first bite into his mouth. 'Finally, something NOT terrible for once!' he thought euphorically. It was by no means a spectacular meal, but to an empty stomach it was manna from heaven.
As he slowly came down from his dopamine high, he noticed F0rd still fumbling through the other cabinets like he had a bad case of tunnel vision. As he studied him, it was only now that St@nley got the chance to really see the scrawny and disheveled state his brother was in. How sluggish his movements were. How pale and gaunt his face was. And his hands… What was the cause for how beaten up they were?... The man looked like he hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in weeks.
‘That’s… not a good sign..,’ St@nley thought, the already existing concern amplified tenfold the longer he looked at him. He cleared his throat awkwardly in an attempt to get his attention. "Hey, uh... why dontcha sit down with me, eh? Get some food in ya? Tell me what's goin' on? I don't mean to be so frank but... You look like hell, Stanf0rd."
"Ah... later," he mused, still distracted by whatever he was searching for. In the midst of his search, his fingers grazed the forming bruise on the left side of his jaw. He opened and closed his mouth experimentally, feeling out the source of a dull yet stubborn pang in his mouth. "I think you broke one of my molars."
"… Right... yeah," St@n chuckled dryly, "uh... sorry 'bout that, by the way..."
"Besides, you're one to talk," he barked, glazing right over St@n's curt apology, "You're not exactly a sight to behold yourself, you know. AND you've currently got a stowaway to worry about." He closed the cupboard door and turned to go to the next room. "Stay here, I'll be back."
St@nley rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that day. "Bettin' on it…" As soon as F0rd disappeared around the corner, he shot a look to the far end of the table, where the journal lay, and scowled. There were still so many questions he had yet to be answered. He just had to figure out how to get his brother to talk.
For a few minutes F0rd could faintly be heard rummaging through a few drawers, all the while muttering a short 'Now where is the damn thing?..,’ and ‘I swear it was here last time..,’ before he finally let out a mildly triumphant 'Aha!'
When he returned to the kitchen, he'd brought with him a small, worn briefcase (what was, upon setting it onto the table and flipping it open, revealed to be a decently stocked yet obviously thrown-together first aid kit). "Okay, pull up your shirt. Let me see your shoulder."
Letting out a small exasperated breath, St@n carefully (being VERY mindful of how he moved his sore shoulder) wriggled out of his jacket and pulled the back of his shirt up over his shoulders, bunching it up around his neck.
F0rd went to wash his hands, then stepped around and behind his brother to better assess the damage. He winced empathetically as he looked it over.
The burn took up the entirety of his shoulder blade, nearly touching the center of his back. It had to be at least 2nd if not 3rd degree, as the skin was already starting to tighten around the edges of the mark that was left... angry… inflamed... Even worse, though, was the unconventional shape of what was most definitely going to become a scar later.
And yet another reminder of how far they'd grown apart...
His brother had basically been branded with an alchemic sigil.
Because of him, there was now a permanent reminder of their earlier fight...
"How bad is it?" St@n's question rang, pulling F0rd from his thoughts.
"Hmm... well... it's, uh..."
"Gonna leave a mark?"
"No doubt about it." He took a moment to grab a washcloth and soaked one of it's corners in soapy water. "I'm gonna have to clean it so it doesn't get infected. It's not gonna feel great, but just-"
"Save the explanation, brainiac," St@n interrupted, mouth full from the latest spoonful of beans. "I’ve been through this song and dance before. Do what you have to, I can deal. Just hurry it up, would ya? It's cold in here."
Now it was F0rd's turn to roll his eyes. And despite himself, a slight smirk pulled at the corner of his lips. 'As brawny and bullheaded as ever, St@nley..,’ he thought amusedly as he began lightly dabbing at the wound. He’d reached the center of the mark where the burn was at its worst when the small sound of his brother hissing through his teeth made him pause. "St@n..?"
"It's fine... don't sweat it..."
Guilt ate at him, at the prospect of causing his brother any more physical pain than he had already, but he continued cleaning as gently as he could. It simply had to be done.
Once he was satisfied he'd properly disinfected the area, F0rd reached back into the kit, pulled out the bacitracin, and applied it generously to the surface of the burn before topping it off with a sterile pad. It was a very basic mend, he figured, but it would have to do. It was only as he continued working that he realized they'd suddenly fallen quiet again. And while the silence wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, there was still a level of tension that couldn’t be entirely ignored.
As he went to unroll a bundle of gauze, his eyes unintentionally bounced towards St@nley's belly. Judging by the sheer size of it, as it occupied most of the space in his lap, it was obvious he had to be nearing full term... a thought that greatly unsettled his nerves the more he lingered on it… Nevertheless, he decided to pry.
"So, um... When did you find out?"
"’Find out?’"
"About your... situation." he clumsily clarified while he wrapped the gauze around St@n’s shoulder and across his back and chest.
St@nley made a small sound of acknowledgement, drumming his fingers on the surface of the table as he carefully decided his wording. After a moment of thought, a deep sigh dragged itself from his chest. He set his now empty can down and then cradled his chin with his palm as he leaned onto the table on his elbow. "I think... about the first week of September."
“OH…” Only 4 months ago?? “Oh wow, so you were already a ways along then…”
“Yup. I'd been feeling... y’know... off for a while before that, but I just figured I’d caught some crazy flu bug or something during a, uh..,” St@n hesitated, reevaluating, “… freelance job. Was sick as shit for WEEKS. I couldn't keep anything down, didn't have the energy to even keep myself upright...” He grimaced. “God, it was awful, Ford… I swore I felt like I could’ve keeled over at the drop of a hat… And then when I finally, FINALLY thought I'd gotten past it, I started feeling... weird."
F0rd tore off a couple strips of medical tape to secure the wrapping. "Weird?..," he repeated.
"Well... it was hard to place the words at the time, but the best way I could describe it was that it kinda felt like my insides were rearranging themselves. It spooked me enough to seek out a back alley physician, anyway.”
It took everything in him for F0rd to hold his tongue at that revelation, but he stayed silent as his brother explained.
“Didn't have high hopes for an accurate diagnosis, but... Well, how hard would a basic check up be?? Worst case scenario I either got an answer or I didn’t. Not to mention he was dirt cheap. Beggars can't be choosers…” He made an ironically amused sound, “So imagine my surprise when the doc told me I was roughly 18 weeks..."
“I… imagine that news wasn’t exactly anticipated…”
St@nley shook his head lightly. "Needless to say, I called the guy a quack and left. I didn’t want to believe it at first... I couldn’t… Hell, it’s not like I even showed that much. I mean, I’ve always had some heft to my person, so a little extra gut didn’t make me question anything… But considering everything that lead up to then… it all sorta lined up... Then wouldn't ya know it, a handful of positive corner store pregnancy tests later… turned out the fucker was right."
F0rd finished checking over the bandaging before finally pulling out a chair to sit across from his brother, folding his arms over the table (atop the journal, St@nley noted, still somewhat guarded in manner). His eyes, though exhausted and bothered, remained inquisitive. “So, then… that sensation you were talking about?.. Was that..?”
"Oh… yeah,” St@n lightly chuckled, giving the side of his belly a gentle pat, “that was just junior here figuring out they have legs… and they have NOT let me forget it, either." The small smile on his face faltered. "But, uh... yeah… I've been trying to keep track of the weeks ever since..."
F0rd hummed his acknowledgement, nodding lightly as he processed the information he'd just been given. Then another question, though it was more of an observation in the form of a question. "You've been going about this alone, haven’t you?…"
St@nley lulled his head to the side, his tired expression wordlessly yet clearly asking, 'What's it look like, genius?..’
He pointedly left it at that. Then F0rd’s face fell as another revelation came to mind. "Wait.... You've not been to a doctor SINCE?? It's January, St@nley! That means..." He paused, brows furrowing as he only now took the time to do the math. "Oh my God, you're-"
“‘About to pop,’" St@n finished as he pulled his shirt back down over his torso (a task easier said than done). "Yes, I'm WELL aware of that notion, poindexter. Glad we’re clear on that."
“But what if something happened? What if something went wrong?? You could’ve been seriously hurt, you knucklehead!” F0rd scolded, gesturing vaguely in his brother’s direction. “Or WORSE!!”
"Don’t you think I KNOW that??!" St@n sighed, trying to reign in the sudden burst of frustration. "Look, I... I've not exactly had the luxury of having prenatal care at my disposal, alright?.. I went to a friggin' doc in a box ONE other time for anemia and it took about every penny I had to my name. Believe me, had the option been available to me, I would've made a point to go in a heartbeat… but if I expected to make ends meet on a day to day basis..,” he hung his head lower, eyeing the floor, “… there was just no way..."
F0rd let out a tense breath. "I'm just saying... It's not a good idea to let a pregnancy go unchecked for so long. And then coming all the way out here was dangerous... Who knows who or what you could've run into on the way??"
"Eh... it's arguably safer than where I was before... In fact, if I'm being completely honest, this trip might've just saved my life..." he admitted, his free hand absentmindedly cradling the underside of his belly, "or at least bought me some time..."
"What's that supposed to mean??"
St@n debated over whether or not he should open that can of worms... so he decided he'd keep it brief. "Let's just say I was half expecting to get my head caved in any day now, had I decided to stick around Dead End..." He cast a glance that suggested the subject be dropped.
F0rd's eyes briefly widened in unease. He then pressed them shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Dear God, St@nley..," he sighed. He didn’t even have it in him right then to ask for any further elaboration.
The room was quiet during their intermission, as they gave themselves time to debrief.
Then, allowing himself an intentionally long, drawn out breath, St@nley leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "Alright, your turn."
"Hm?" F0rd looked back up warily.
"I gave you my sob story, let's hear yours!"
"'Sob story?'” his tone took an air of offense to it, “I’ll have you know this is a very serious matter!"
“So I've heard…”
F0rd scowled at the blatant sarcasm. “I mean it, St@nley! This is something so much bigger than you or I! It could mean the end of effectively everything as we know it!”
"Okay then, ENLIGHTEN me! It's what I've been trying to get you to do this whole friggin’ time! Just tell me what’s going on, without all the cryptic bullshit! Why did you need me to come here just to send me away again, Stanf0rd?" He quickly reached for and snatched the journal out from under his brother's arms, waving it carelessly in front of him. "And what's so damn important about this book that you need it gone but not destroyed?? If it's SO dangerous, why not just shred the thing??" He punctuated his short tangent by dropping the leatherback loudly in the center of the table, the booming sound making his brother flinch.
"I already told you!" F0rd said as he picked it back up with both hands, "The information recorded in these journals is much too valuable to destroy. However, to ensure it stays out of the wrong hands, it must be taken away from here... it could be disastrous if that happens... And the only other person that I could have entrusted to take it flat out refuses to speak to me!..," his gaze landed on the journal he held, his reflection stared back from the emblem in the center. "... You were my last resort... The last hope I have of ever fixing the mess I've caused..." He looked back up to his brother. "And that's why it's of the utmost importance to take this thing FAR away from here as SOON as humanly possible!"
"Mm-hm..." St@n ran his hands along the length of his face. “Yeah, see, I just don’t understand what good squirreling this thing away in some hole on the other side of the planet is gonna do. 'Bury it where no one can find it??' I could just chuck this thing over a mountainside in the Rockies and it'd be dealt with!" He readjusted himself in his seat, straightening up. "But more importantly, what I'd like to know is who these 'wrong hands' are referring to. The mob? The government?? Are you saying someone's got a hit on you??"
Stanf0rd groaned, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. "You don't get it, St@nley..."
‘When do I ever?..,’ he thought bitterly, his patience growing ever thinner the longer he prodded. He swore he could get more answers out of a goddamn brick wall.
"It HAS to be taken far enough away that it can't be stumbled upon by just any passersby. And if I were to go hide it myself, I'd be wasting valuable time that I need to prepare for what's coming! I have to make it out to the ruins before the snowfall covers the only entrance to the caves! And if I don't go IMMEDIATELY, there might not be another chance to do anything before..,” might as well not beat around the bush any longer, “he brings forth complete and utter chaos!"
At that, there was a beat… then St@nley made a tired noise, rubbing his temples. “Okay… alright… cool…” His head was beginning to hurt now. "Juuuust leave it to ol' S1xer to make the explanation confusing-"
“Do NOT call me by that name!!” came a sudden, visceral interjection, making St@n nearly jump out of his skin.
All the energy in the room came to a screeching halt.
Breathing heavily for a minute, and seeing the startled confusion etched into his brother’s face, F0rd realized he'd lashed out and visibly shrunk in his seat. "I... sorry, it's not... that wasn’t… y-you didn't know, I... Gosh, I'm sorry..." he babbled, avoiding eye contact, "I don't know what came over me..." The shame he felt was unbearable… To think he let himself get so worked up over something so silly as a nickname… all because of-…
It was only when the sound of his brother gently rapping on the table, to get his attention, registered that he dared look back up to face him.
As he leaned forward on the table, arms folded tightly underneath him, St@nley's demeanor had shifted… no trace of sarcasm left to be seen. "Who did this to you, F0rd?..." There was an intensity in his voice that was equal parts steadying and intimidating, his eyes meeting his brother's and locking. Though it obviously wasn't directed at himself, F0rd could swear there was a murderous glint in that gaze... “Who's threatening you?... Who scared you so badly that you're taking these drastic measures??..."
"I..." F0rd suddenly felt so transparent, like he was being read like a book… Somehow St@nley had managed to just about hit the nail on the head… He covered his face, beginning to feel overwhelmed. There was so much he wanted to explain in full... but could he without endangering either his brother or himself?? Or rather, could he explain himself without sounding like a total madman??
“Who used that name and tarnished it, Stanf0rd??…”
“I-I..,” he stuttered, breaking, "I can't... Th-There's simply no way for me to explain everything for you to understand!"
"Then HELP me to understand!” St@nley pleaded, at his wits’ end. It hurt him so badly to see his brother so utterly tormented with no way for him to get through to or comfort him. He HAD to get through to him… somehow! “HELP me! I’m really, really, REALLY tryin’ here, F0rd, but you're not giving me anything to work off of! I sound like a fucking broken record saying this shit! I care about you, you dumbass, I’m your BROTHER! So you can't keep leaving me in the dark! You have to trust me! Please just trust me, Stanf0rd!"
Trust me...
Those two little words that he’d heard time and time again… those two words that, to him, had lost every ounce of sincerity due to the sheer amount they’d been used and squandered by so very many people in his life… Hearing those two words suddenly agitated F0rd to no end.
He looked his brother in the face and scoffed, "OH, no! NO!! YOU, of all people, don't get to go preaching to ME about TRUST, Mr. 'Buy my products, they won't do you wrong! I'm just your humble, neighborhood salesman who ISN’T a shyster whatsoever! Did I tell you to buy my products yet??’”
The deer-in-the-headlights look St@n gave him only managed to light a fire under him as he desperately took the chance to redirect the attention away from himself.
"Yeah, that’s right, St@nley! Or should I refer to you by one of your ridiculous aliases like 'P@nley St1ne's??' … 'P@NLEY,' St@nley?! You couldn't come up with anything better than that?!" He shook his head, getting sidetracked, "My point is, I've seen what you've been up to over the years! In fact there's been no way to avoid seeing it! I've seen the ads in the papers! The commercials! The... 'products,' if you could even call them that! I've SEEN how you've scammed people! How you’ve LIED to people! Hell, if I didn't just see your bare belly l'd have half a mind to assume you stuffed a damn pillow up your shirt in a shoddy attempt to fool me!"
St@nley stared at him in disbelief, mouth slightly agape. The rest of what his brother said hurt well enough, but that last part?? "What in the-... Where on EARTH did you get that idea, Stanf0rd?? Do you you realize how completely DEMEANING that accusation is?? What could I possibly hope to gain?? Faking THIS??" he exclaimed, aggressively gesturing to himself with his hands bracketing his burgeoning middle.
"I don't know, SYMPATHY?? Some twisted method of MANIPULATION?? Seems like something a con-man such as yourself wouldn't think twice about exploiting!"
St@n reeled back as though he'd been struck. That one got him. "... Is that really what you think of me??..,” came an uncharacteristically quiet tone, "Do you really think I'd try and pull a fast one on you in your time of need??..."
As much as he hated himself for it, as much as F0rd KNEW he shouldn’t say it, the instinctive desire to get the last word in overruled whatever rational response he should have spouted… and a venomous response slipped out before he could stop himself. “... Frankly, I wouldn't put it past you..."
St@nley stared down at the floor for several moments, processing everything that had just been laid out before him. To think his own brother thought so little of him... Sure, what he'd said was vaguely in line with the truth, regarding his grifting record. Conning strangers for his own benefit was one thing, albeit not a great thing and certainly not something he was proud of, but it was something he simply had to resort to to make ANY kind of basic living… To trick his family though?... his own BROTHER?? To suggest he'd even go so far as to fake a pregnancy of all things just to tug at his heartstrings... that was a low even he didn't think he could bring himself to sink to.
In that moment, it was made clear to him; After everything he suffered for, everything he tried in vain to atone for, and after over a DECADE of radio silence... his brother still held to that idea that he was this selfish, deceitful, untrustworthy monster...
The regret was immediate as soon as the words left Stanf0rd’s lips. Why’d he have to go and say that? With stakes as high as they were, for more reasons than one, stirring the pot was the last thing he needed to do and yet… "I... St@nley, I... I-I didn't mean-…"
After a minute of brooding, St@n scooped his jacket off the floor, snaking his arms back through it's sleeves as he finally stood up from his chair. "Y'know what? That's it. I don’t care anymore. I'm done."
“'Done??' What do you mean 'DONE??'” His eyes keenly followed him as he passed by. "St@nley, where are you going?"
"What’s it to you? It’s not like you actually wanted me here. After all, I was your last resort, right?” his voice was monotone as he made his way to the front door… empty… hurt… “As always, Stanf0rd Filbr1ck P1nes, you were right. I shouldn’t ‘ve come… I shouldn’t ‘ve bothered…”
Stanf0rd immediately got up and grasped the fabric of St@n’s sleeve, holding him in place. “Now hang on a minute, would you please just listen to me for a second??”
Try as he had to keep the rage bottled up, that was the last straw. “Yeah, sure... Or how 'bout this?” Smacking the hand off his jacket sleeve, St@nley turned on his heel, scornfully wagging his pointer finger in his brother's face, prompting the latter to back up a step. “You listen here, and you listen GOOD, smartass! I don't need you lecturing me, REMINDING me of how shitty a person I am! I KNOW I'M A SCREW UP, STANF0RD! I KNOW that!! Preaching to the freakin' choir on that front!" He looked down at himself and laughed a humorless laugh. "I mean hell, just LOOK at me! I'm knocked up with some bastard-not-worth-the-air-he-breathes' bastard! All with no place to call home! That's fuck up incarnate, amirite??"
F0rd began to respond but was abruptly cut off.
“And here’s another thing you were right about; the WHOLE-ASS drive up here and how much it absolutely SUCKED! Over thirteen-fucking-HUNDRED miles on the road is no place to be when you’re essentially a walking, talking time bomb! The whole drive, the whole drive, I've had this crippling, nagging fear at the back of my brain telling me I’d likely end up hopelessly lost! Or, better YET, reminding me of the possibility that I’d might have to pull over at some point and spit this kid out on the side of the road without any help! Do you know how terrifying that thought was, F0rd?? When you’re trying to navigate those insanely long back roads nobody knows about, all on your own?? And all for the sake of showing up when your brother asked for you to, because you foolishly thought he actually NEEDED you?? OF COURSE YOU DON’T!! Cuz that WASN'T you, that wasn't YOUR problem, and thus it doesn’t MATTER!! The world revolves around YOU, and anyone else's issues can go ahead and take a back seat for all you care, isn’t that right??"
“St@nley, stop it! You’re becoming hysterical!” F0rd attempted to reason, wanting desperately to diffuse the situation… Needless to say, it was fruitless…
“NO!! Because you wanna know what else?? NEWSFLASH, brother, YOU'RE not perfect either! You act like you're ‘God's gift to the populace’ or something when you're NOT! It's not like you ever bothered to help ME out when I needed somebody! I’ve only ever had myself for the better part of 10 years, so it would’ve been nice for you to, I dunno, check in once or twice! Or at least a throw out some bullshit 'Hey, bro! Hope you're alive and doing alright! I can't talk or meet with you right now, and frankly I probably don't WANT to, but I hope you know l've not forgotten about you and that somewhere deep down I still love you! Take care, St@nley!' for some semblance of caring! Just SOMETHING!! Some acknowledgment that I EXIST!! That-That I’m not just a-a-a STAIN left behind!! So WHY?? Why did I care?? Why did I think-..?!" He froze when his voice suddenly cracked, cutting him off before he could continue.
Now noticing how hazy his vision had become, how shaky his hands were, he was horrified to realize that he'd burst into tears partway through his rant. All the repressed emotions were starting to show face... 'Humiliated' couldn't even BEGIN to cover how he felt right then... And when he finally studied the expression F0rd currently wore, he felt like he might vomit.
That all too familiar look of pure, unadulterated… pity… The physical embodiment of ‘Oh you poor, pathetic thing...’
St@nley DESPISED that look… It’d been one he’d received countless, countless times in his life. And while he knew that more often than not the intent behind that expression was never truly out of ill meaning, the immense degradation it brought him was suffocating. He couldn’t bear to see it another second… especially coming from his own flesh and blood. He squeezed his eyes shut to escape it.
F0rd, meanwhile, was at a complete loss for words. What could he say? What should he say?? How could he explain the sheer magnitude of what’s been going on that didn’t sound like the utter ramblings of a man who’s lost his mind?? How could he convince St@nley to put aside their personal issues for a second and help aid him in fixing this mess?? Important things needed attending to!! This was a matter of the fate of the WORLD, dammit!! The livelihood of effectively EVERYONE!!
But then… his brother’s points made him reflect… What of his brother’s woes?… St@nley’s woes??... The woes of the person who, at one point in time, meant MORE to him than the world itself??… Did they not matter in the grander scheme?? The hardships St@nley had gone through completely alone, left unbeknownst to him just because he… couldn't bring himself to reach out and see how his brother was actually doing?.. Simply because he couldn't bear the thought of truly knowing how rough he had it in life while they were apart?..
Assuming St@nley was just wandering aimlessly around all this time, without a care or ounce of respect for anyone in the world, made ignoring those painful thoughts so much easier... Knowing what he did now, he suddenly felt sick to his stomach.
For so long, Stanf0rd had spent every waking hour pouring over his research, dragging himself along through countless sleepless nights, pushing anyone and everyone away... out of his mind... out of his heart... all to combat an omniscient evil he still frustratingly… didn’t quite understand yet, himself... His work had completely and utterly consumed him. He’d lost sight of what few allies he had… He'd lost sight of his family… And loathe as he was to admit it, perhaps in this mission to ‘save humanity,’ he actually lost sight of his own…
As he concluded his thought, one thing was made painfully clear… Somehow, one way or another, both his brother and himself had each come to face some form of isolation…
They really were two sides of the same coin...
Taking a moment to steel himself again, St@n pressed the heel of his hand against one eye and then the other, wiping away the tears that managed to run down his cheeks. "I should've known better than to think I could ever be of any help to you... of any value to you... So I’ll do you the courtesy of getting the hell outta your hair. For good this time.”
“St@nley…”
“Can it!” St@nley swiftly snatched the duffle bag off the floor and turned to grab the doorknob, then called out over his shoulder. "Oh yeah, one last thing! Thank you EVER so much for the new 'tattoo!' What better souvenir to remember your estranged brother by than one that's been burned directly into your skin, eh? Your hospitality is truly unmatched, Stanf0rd. TRULY." He re-zipped his jacket and yanked the door open. "See ya never, fuck head," he spat before he slammed the door behind him.
"Hey! HEY!! St@nley, WAIT!!" F0rd followed close behind, storming his way to the door and ripping it back open about as quickly as it was shut. "Damnit St@nley, would you just hold on a second and hear me out-AH!.," he gasped, flinching when he'd almost ran into his brother from behind.
St@n had stopped short on the porch, motionless.
Huffing, he sternly maneuvered around to the right of his brother to face him from the side. “Please, think rationally! You know as well as I do that you have no business running around in the condition you’re in! Look, I get that you’re upset, alright?? I’m sorry! I really am! But you can’t just skip off and..,” he trailed off when he realized St@n was staring straight ahead over the front yard, the look on his face unreadable. He tentatively followed the trajectory of his line of sight, only to freeze in place himself. “… leave…”
Their wide eyed expressions mirrored each other’s, standing parallel as they both gazed at the sight before them.
Snow had piled up by several feet. MUCH higher than it had been earlier . Within just a few hours it had gone from knee height to probably high enough to halfway submerge a person. In the distance, only the rough shape of El Diablo was visible, having a thick cocoon of snow encompassing the body of the vehicle.
And the snow just KEPT coming.
There was no getting out in that…
St@n groaned defeatedly, burying his face in his hands. “Whatever higher power has it out for me can kindly kiss my ass…”
TBC
#mpreg#mpreg fic#not kink#PaternityF@lls-St@n#INeedYourHelpFic#Would someone KINDLY explain to me howst the FUCK I went from writing a silly MPREG fic#to writing out a whole goddamn brothers' quarrel#HELP???#HOW DID WE GET HERE???#WHY DID I SPEND A WHOLE WEEK ON THIS PIECE IF SHIT???#THEY MAKE ME SIIIIICK#But uh... anyway#The jerks are just being jerks to each other#don't worry about it🥲#I promise -I PROMISE- they'll be nice to each other EVENTUALLY#They both got over a decade's worth of issues to work out that they've not been to therapy for#what better way to be forced to talk it out than being SNOWED IN? Now that's FREE therapy!!#Tell me what y'all think! Did i try to pack too much here??#Probably... oh well🙃
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I think Sun and moon should swap cat onesies, that’ll be much comfier
a very good idea!
unfortunately... not too much of an improvement 😅
Clip thought of everything 😂
#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#New Do Same You AU#Sun New Do Same You AU#Moon New Do Same You AU#these poor boys#they've been stuck in cat onesie limbo because of Clip#and because i'm taking way too long to respond to asks haha#the behind of scenes of this#was me taking way too long trying to figure out how their onesies would fit on each other#cuz i realized i designed them differently#and then i decided whatever just draw it#but don't worry! they'll get some clothes eventually#a kind soul has already provided them with clothes in a submission#i just#need to wait until morning for better lighting to take the photos 😂#crab art#traditional art#bright colours
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We are all afraid of something...
I wonder what Prince Gumball's biggest fear would be?
There's an episode (Five short tables I think) where it shows that he's afraid of dying alone/his own mortality to some extent. I imagine that because he's long-lived and most likely has watched many people die before him, he's scared that there won't be anyone else by *his* side when it's his turn. There's no way of knowing when or how, he wouldn't be ready for it, so that's probably double scarier for him. He's an anxious fella
#tag rambling MMMMM MY FAVORITE#this made me think if Gumball is actually just long-lived or if he'd become something like the Mother Gum after enough centuries have passed#triple scary then because other than Neddy(Nelly?) he's the only gum humanoid in Ooo that we're aware of#so what if the deal with the Mother Gum is like... She releases this tiny gum things (or they're released by themselves) into the wild#and good luck baby you better survive if you want our species to continue existing 😄#He and Nelly survived but what if he dies before reaching a Mother Gum-state. and alone on top of that bc that must be a scary process#And if he dies then that means Nelly is alone. and probably would go through that alone too#I think he's also scared of not having anyone to take care of everything he left behind if he dies#and to reassure his people and loved ones that everything will be fine despite his absence#now I'm thinking about the way i portray him because I make it sound like he's “unworried” about his own life & wellbeing#he gets stabbed and he's just like “it's okay don't worry about it” BUT what if he does worry and like..#he knows it won't kill him so he doesn't panic but he might panic if he realizes that he got stabbed a little too close to a vital spot#but at the same time he won't if there's someone else with him because if he panics they'll panic and everyone panics#and he needs to be the bigger person at all times and and#does this make sense or am i just yapping#anyway I love you Gumball i just threw my English out the window to talk about your issues with death 🫶#fionna and cake#prince gumball
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Parents really will have kids on purpose and then spend the next twenty or so years punishing that child for being alive and having needs
#i hate my parents#i hate my mom#ugh 🙄🙄🙄#why is everything so difficult w theeemm#and about really basic level stuff too#like tissues and school books and needing a doctor#bc my foot is literally BROKEN but bitch still wants me to walk or drive myself everywhere#and god forbid the doctor say I need to spend money to get better#nooo#no no#ghaaaahh#parents really will ruin everything even when u thought there was nothing to ruin in the first place#don't u worry boo#they'll find a way#when i can financially support myself its over tho#I'll drop them so fast and hard they won't see it coming#like BAM BYE BYE ASSHOLES#BLOCKED
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Chainsaw strip 2: Denji ask a question...
#chainsaw man#csm denji#csm power#csm asa mitaka#denji hayakawa#incorrect quotes#source: tomska#art tag#digital art#my art#black and white#artwork#webcomic#small artist#Oh yeah !!! It all take place in an au !!!#csm part 2#csm manga#“Dennis and the gang do the flop !!!”#(Don't worry they'll get better probably...)
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have just been introduced to a kitten named rascal who lives on my floor and whose babysitters (who are not his owner?) were trying Really hard to goad me into adopting which like. he's a little baby and he's so so so silly and he barely even bit me but like also. this cat isn't yours???? anyway if the owner's giving him up then I might finally have a cat which like AHHHHHG
#i wanna cat SO BADD#but also i dont think this is the best environment to have ANY non-tank pet tbqh#and i dont wanna have to give him away if my housing situation changes bc my parents house wouldnt work#(one of our dogs has a pretty strong prey drive and i dont wanna risk it)#also the poor guy seems a bit skittish and i think the 2 big dogs would scare him#and then there's the 'is he my cat or your cat' thing w my roommate#i think the answer would be hes my cat bc shes more ambivalent but she can actually take him home so like#and ive pretty much been banking on going home after college anyway so like??? in the long term where would he go???#but also my dogs are getting older.. maybe by then they'll be gone and that problem'll go away#but hell my room there's bigger than my dorm room so even if we kept him in there it'd be a better space than here#it'd be a step up#ugh idk. i think it's a bad idea to have a cat in rooms this small in general. but i don't wanna see him go to a shelter either#like he's young and cute so maybe it'll be easier for him but he's also not super cuddly with strangers as far as i can tell#idk... im worried about him.... poor little rascal#like one of the girls mentioned being mean to him and i dont want him to be mistreated#like shining lights in his face and stuff#idk... sigh......#im considering transferring schools at some point. worst case scenario is i go somewhere they dont allow pets and i have to#either find a foster parent or give him away completely#but i really dont wanna have to do that if i can help it. i never want to put a pet that loves and depends on me in a situation like that#much less me like id bawl my ass off#but if theyre treating him bad then even if my situation isnt perfect wouldnt taking him in be in the right anyway?#but how long does that stand for? until i can find him a better home? ughh
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Like. I don't want to die. I just want to like. Stop existing as a person for a week or two. Or maybe a month. Step out of the flow of time and just do nothing other than nap for a long while. I want to be able to put things on pause until I don't feel burnt out dead on my feet anymore because I feel like I did when I nearly collapsed in public after having 2 days off and it still not being enough rest and I had to quit my job because of it.
#ramblings of an arrow#I am working 2 jobs and going to school right now and it's killing me I think#I was handling it okay until the election and then I just. God fucking damnit I can barely will myself out of bed in the mornings right now#I am so bone weary tired#I was really holding on to the hope that Harris would win just like. so hard.#I didn’t realize how much of my like. ability to be motivated to do things. was tied up in that.#like all the things Im doing to try and better our future feel. useless now.#i know they arent#but it definitely feels like they'll have much less of a beneficial impact than they would've if Harris had won the election#like hi I work at a non profit organization specifically working to help teens of color#objectively a good thing#I am just like worried about how long that is even gonna be allowed to continue under a Trump presidency#everything feels like it is falling apart#and I know I am just one of millions of people that feels like this#which just kinda. makes it worse.#can't anyone get a break#I hate this stupid fucking world where governments don't give a shit that people are dying#I want to live in a kinder reality#i want all of us to live in a kinder fucking reality#why is that too much to ask
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I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(
#im actually very upset abt this lol#all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk#and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao#so i guess i just. still can't go on walks#nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere#like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed#people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong#or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors#i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting#i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home#like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol#getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever#im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog#this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it#when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS#but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out#i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves#i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost#i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me#without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM#im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better#i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it#so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more#my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao#i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker#truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol
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Your lmk parallels post makes me so unwell there so many angst I can take dude
Though I am hoping for healing arcs in the specials I feel like we're leading up to that but that's just me
LOL I'M SO SORRY.
WE'LL GET OUR HEALING ARCS EVENTUALLY. JUST NOT YET (PROBABLY). This is the hurt comfort long con you feel me.
If it makes you feel better I make myself really unwell with my own posts
#i SWEAR i want Wuking and MK to work it out#Like I said someone can hurt you and cause hurt and you can still love them#It's complicated TM#WUKONG AND MK WILL BE FINE BY THE END. THEY'LL GET THERE#MK'S JUST GOTTA LET IT OUT FIRST#Like SWK is willing to do better and has. He is not who I'm worried about here I'll be real#He just makes mistakes sometimes. and those mistakes affect MK and it's fun for me to talk about#Realizing the Samadhi fire ''Don't you realize you're hurting the people who care about you the most?'' and the#''Or hurt the people I care about—the ones i have left'' parallel in 4x08 made me SO unwell#Like so unbelievably mentally unwell#the entire end of 4x08 was already a 3x10 parallel and then you had MK repeat what Mei said to Wukong?#Like fuck me jesus christ#it's so bad here#the writers are literally so mean#asks#lmk#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#imp tag
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Welp, time to put a bunch of filters on for a fandom I regularly post to myself because that was a huge-ass spoiler for the next manga chapter.
It's ok. It's only for a few days.
Probably.
#now if you'll excuse me#I'm gonna hide in a corner and weep#don't worry. the anime-onlies will be joining us soon#they'll ask us if it gets better#and we'll look up at them will tear-filled eyes and choke out “no”#TBF I probably would get spoiled on this spoiler anyway just by breathing near any anime fandoms so#I somehow doubt all the filters in the world could save me
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#i don't like how this past year has been me getting really anxious because of my health#because it really put me on edge deciding whether i want to draw and finish my projects#or do my schoolwork and finish college#because i haven't been able to imagine myself anywhere past graduation and my health situation hasn't helped matters#i could be overreacting and i'm actually fine and this is a temporary pain issue#because i'm continuously denied getting my pain checked out due to expenses and the like#everything is too expensive#who knows maybe i'll live past graduation and i can continue my art as usual#but i'm panicking more over the pain daily and feel like stopping my classes and just draw draw draw#i'm more concerned about making fanart tbh because i have so many ll wips#and i sincerely want to give back to the fandom more than ever#but a dead artist can't contribute#neither can a living artist who is in too much pain to work#still thinking about posting my wips and ideas and maybe they'll inspire some other people here#ideas and concepts will get lost in translation but it's better than nothing#... i wish we had more artists here#maybe i won't feel this way if that was the case#ernest talks#i really don't meant to death scare anyone reading this i could be overreacting over my own health#it just ties real closely to how worried i get about the fandom in general and how much time i dedicate making projects for the community#so i'm just.. scared i guess#how would people know when a blog largely on hiatus is permanently inactive? will i let people know in time if something happens to me?
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#spent all day helping my best friend move into her new flat#and it was really lovely to be able to be there for her and help her unpack and set everything up#bc her bf (one of my other flatmates) is going travelling for a couple of years in march so obvs he's moving out and they're breaking up#which is why SHE had to move out bc she couldn't afford the rent on a double room by herself#and she's only just moved down the hill like literally a five minute walk which is obviously amazing#she's not ages away yk#and she's moved in with our mutual friend which is nice too#but on a selfish note now i'm left behind in a flat with four 20 year old couples#and i'm now the outside friend like i'm the one who has to go home yk rather than being the one in the home#and i'm just dreading being alone so much of the time like cooking dinner alone and coming home from work and being alone etc#and i'm worried as well that in the new flat they'll get really close and i'll be like forgotten about and left behind#and i know this is all catastrophising and mind reading and all those therapy phrases#but it just sucks. it really sucks#i had to walk home in the rain just now up the hill at half 12 at night#and i cried the whole way because it just all sucks so bad#i knoooooow obviously there's worse problems in the world there's people that are dying kim etc etc#but i'm just very sad about it right now. very very sad about it#so it's 1am and i'm going to sleep and i will wake up at 4am for the match and arsenal better fucking pull through for me#goodnight love u all sleep well appreciate the people in ur life x#also i mean two 20 year old couples lol i don't have eight flatmates
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you know i'm thinking about it again and i'm wondering if i ought to eventually private my main twitter and turn it into an archive purely because i've had that since 2015 and only opened my actual private in like. 2017 so there is All Sorts of dumb personal vent things in the depths of it that i'd rather not have scrolled through by anyone professional with the determination to do so skfdjhglkj
#i don't know if any employers could find my social medias#but i figure it's always better to be safe than sorry#the only other option i can think of is to create Job Specific social media and use a whole-other email address for all of it#and then offer that up if they ask#but also like#i don't like social media sdkjfhglks#i'm here on tumblr youtube and twitter and that's it#i barely want to be on twitter and youtube is just a place for hosting videos#like do you think they'll accept that??#'i don't really like social media and i deleted my personal twitter when everything went downhill' ? ? ?#'at most i like looking at photos on pinterest' or something ? ? ?#because i legitimately refuse to get a facebook or an instagram#and i have a linkedin but i've never touched it actually#just thinkinge . . . . . .#i don't want my online personal life to be dictated by what looks good or bad to my employer#(said in a 'i want to continue talking about ocs and vocal synths and lamenting being nerfed by god' way)#(not in a “oooooh i'm a creep and i want to reblog kink shit on main or something ooooooh” way KJHFSLKJHFSL)#believe me my concern in this is almost entirely#1) there are things from when i was a teenager peppered around here and i don't want that to represent adult me#2) i want to have the freedom and space to talk about my hobbies without worrying someone at work is listening#you know ? ? ?
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Hey it would really be cool if I could have like...One Scrap Of Executive Function
#the grad school apps are due in TWO DAYS#(jk that is a lie they are due in four days which is not much better)#i am worried about making a fool of myself in front of real life academics but also you know what will make me more of a fool of myself?#leaving it to the last day#or even worse...not applying at all#someone remind me how to not be a perfectionist i feel like the further i get in academia the harder it is#but hey if i don't do this mayhap i'll apply for the fulbright and see if they'll let me go live in catalonia for a year that would be cool#there are ideas and possibilities#i just hate being an adult jfc do i hate it so much#perce rambles
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i can't get on board with "only fringe weirdos actually think all kink is harmless" because you'll never see someone whip around to defending the total sanctity of kink faster than you will in a conversation about raceplay
#that's the problem with all those condescending posts about how kink is just make believe too#like bitch so were the turner diaries. the fuck.#yeah the wrestlers are doing kayfabe but also it's extremely common for them to shoot on each other as a form of hazing and bullying!#it's extremely common for there to be abuse backstage between performers or by management#and people who aren't careful get seriously injured#or injure someone else#playing pretend isn't a license to do whatever it is in fact an obligation to play safely and carefully#an obligation which many people DON'T MEET and that's a conversation that we should be having openly!#refusing to have those conversations because it makes the community look bad only shelters bad actors#like the whole 'oh normies will always deride us' thing goes both ways#both in terms of. yes absolutely we should be supportive of kink subcultures and weird sex no matter what people say in raw disgust!#AND also that they'll hate us no matter what so you're better off addressing problems without worrying about optics
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I really hate that there is something about me that is just so.... infantilizable. I have had a lot of friends do it, I'll say or do something and they'll just go "ohhhh lee.... noo" in like a patronizing baby voice. like I'm just silly or stupid or too innocent to know what's going on. Or like I brought pancakes for lunch today, which seems like an okay lunch to me, but my coworker told me I eat like a baby.
#there have been so many people my whole life who have been worried about me being unable to live on my own#people who think I am a danger to myself#people who think all my hobbies are childish#people who think my home is decorated childishly#people think I don't dress adult enough#I have the artistic skills of a 12 year old#I have been on less than 5 dates in my life have not kissed anyone have not had sex#find a lot of things about relationships and sex wildly uncomfortable in a way a lot of other people don't#I feel incapable of having real deep long term relationships#all my life people have told me 'ohhh you are so good with kids!!' and i'm not really#i just like all the same things they do#2 of my cousins are 13 and 16 and i get along better with them than any other family members because i have the same interests and hobbies#as two teenage boys... but the thing is that's been true since they were like 10#and now that they are teens suddenly they are doing things i haven't even done and it's like they are becoming grown and i'm still not#I don't know. I am an adult. I have a full time job. I have my own apartment. I pay my own bills#but i still like the things i did when i was 12#and i don't like it when people are mean for no reason#and i don't know that i'm super trusting but i definitely believe people when they tell me things#and so i think i just come off almost naive or innocent or dumb#i am constantly telling my family 'so and so said this!' and they'll go 'that's not true' or 'they made that up' or some other thing#and I end up going 'well that's just what they told me!!' and they're like '*deep sigh* we know lee'#it just... it just SUCKS
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