#they’ve gotten hate on here but i will defend them with my life. ask me to defend them. not for the discourse but because i love analysis

[raining-anonymously]

what do i have to do to make joanne harris’s norse mythology books have a fandom

[auxiliarydetective]

OC Pride Challenge: Day 12

You can find the challenge here

We're currently in LGBTQIA+ Tropes week and for today's prompt I decided to use...

Mentor in Queerness for Raevyn Maumahara

I've always seen Raevyn's species, the Tehiko, as a species that has a very special relationship with gender and even though Raevyn is cis and traditionally feminine, she would have those same beliefs. I also always wanted her to have a special relationship with Topa and so spun my own headcanons about Topa's gender long before it was actually addressed. You can imagine my excitement when I watched A Tale of Two Topas. But this fic doesn't take place then, it takes place around the episode Sanctuary.

“Thank you for watching over Topa again, Commander,” Bortus said.

“Oh, it’s really no big deal,” Raevyn replied with a smile. “Topa and I get along well. Don’t we, Topa?”

Topa only gave a weak smile. This confirmed Raevyn’s suspicion. The Moclan mind was hard to read, but she knew Topa well enough from many hours of babysitting to notice when something was wrong.

“Don’t you have better things to do than watch our child?” Klyden asked.

Raevyn knew that way of speaking too. But she overlooked his hostility and just said: “I think getting to spend time with Topa is one of the best ways I could spend my free time.”

Kill ‘em with kindness.

“We must go now,” Bortus declared, “or we will miss our gathering. Come, Klyden. - Be good, Topa.”

“Yes, papa,” Topa said quietly.

With that, Klyden and Bortus left and Raevyn stayed behind with Topa. Immediately, Topa moved over to the sofa and picked up his puzzle cube. Raevyn sighed and sat down next to him, watching him for a while.

“What’s wrong?” she finally asked. “Are you having trouble with your parents?”

“You could say that,” Topa said.

“It happens to everyone. You know, as we get older, we start to notice little things that never bothered us before and then when we talk about them, sometimes our parents won’t understand because they’ve been doing it this way since - well, since we were born - and they’re not gonna change that just because some inexperienced little rascal said so. Or they don’t like the person we’re becoming because we’re not growing up the way they expected. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just life. Part of growing up is forging your own path and bickering with your parents as you do.”

“Hmm,” Topa mumbled and stopped fidgeting with his cube. He looked up at Raevyn and put it down. “Papa has been telling me that women are inferior.”

Raevyn couldn’t help an ironic smile. It had to happen sooner or later. Klyden was… well, he was a very conservative Moclan. It was common knowledge that, unlike Bortus, he had little understanding and respect for women in higher ranks - or women in general -, especially women like Raevyn.

“But I don’t believe that,” Topa continued.

“Oh boy, am I glad,” Raevyn chuckled.

“Commander Grayson and Doctor Finn are both very capable.”

“They are.”

“And you… you are a hero!”

“Oh gosh.”

“You are! And a true warrior! Papa doesn’t think so. He says a man wouldn’t have gotten captured and injured like you.”

Raevyn scoffed. She looked at her right hand which was now made of shimmering metal. She would’ve loved to see Klyden endure torture and high-voltage currents, watching his body break before his eyes. Was that too sadistic? Maybe she did hate him. But she had to try to at least stay on neutral ground with him or he wouldn’t let her see Topa anymore.

“My parents had a bad fight over you a few days ago,” Topa said. “Papa said he doesn’t want me spending time with a crippled female.”

Raevyn felt rage cooking up inside of her but she swallowed it down. Crippled female. Was that all he thought she was?

“Ouch,” she finally got out. “... And what did Bortus say?”

“He defended you. He said you were a great warrior and a great Chief of Security. To him, you are a good influence to me and an example to look up to.”

Raevyn smiled. “And what do you think? Do you think I’m crippled?”

“No. Your endurance is admirable and… I actually think your prosthetics are fascinating.”

“Do you wanna touch them?”

“Can I?”

“Sure.”

Raevyn took off her uniform jacket and lay it on the sofa next to her, then she offered both her arms. Whereas her left hand had only gotten its fingers and palm replaced, her right arm was metal up to its elbow. Her neck was metal too, a fusion of Tehiko and Kaylon engineering, as were her feet. The battle had really taken its toll on her and it had taken time for her to adjust to her new limbs. But if she could use them now to entertain a child… Topa carefully touched the metal surface of her hand, looking at the different components of sleek design. Isaac and the others had really outdone themselves to make it remember her flesh hand.

“Can you feel this?” Topa asked, poking the middle of her palm, causing her fingers to slightly curl inwards.

“I can feel everything like Isaac can. It’s the same technology.”

“So you can feel hot and cold too?”

“Hot and cold too. Except my prosthetics can’t freeze or get burned, thank god.”

For another minute or two, Topa eyed Raevyn’s hands. Then, his eyes wandered to her neck. With an amused smile, Raevyn leaned back and let him touch the different metal platings.

“Did you know my voice is simulated?”

“It is?”

“Yeah, like a simulator character. A bit freaky to think about, to be honest.”

Topa nodded. Then, his eyes sank and he pulled his hand back, pondering something.

“Raevyn,” he finally said, “why does papa hate you? Is it just because you are female?”

Raevyn sighed and fully leaned back on the sofa, looking at the ceiling for a second. Then, she looked at Topa again.

“It’s complicated. Your father is a very conservative man. He believes in traditional Moclan morals and all that. Well, traditionally, Moclans and Tehiko don’t get along. There’s some things our cultures have in common, like our focus on the military and strength, but some things are wildly different and don’t really mix well. My homeworld used to be a matriarchal society, meaning women were the ones in power. We’ve moved past it now, but we used to be the polar opposite to your people.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, but there’s another thing he probably hates even more: Since ancient times, we Tehiko have always had a very special relationship with gender identity.”

Topa furrowed his brows. “What do you mean? What is ‘gender identity’?”

“Oh, your father never taught you that, did he?” Raevyn gasped. Immediately, she started to feel a little nauseous inside.

“No, but I want to know. Please, tell me about what your people believe!”

Could she really tell him? A Moclan child? What would Klyden do if he found out? Then again, for the same reason that she maybe shouldn’t tell him, she simply had to, especially considering who Topa was and what had happened to him shortly after his birth. If she wasn’t going to tell him, who would?

“Alright,” she sighed. “But you have to promise not to tell your papa, okay? This is our little secret.”

Topa nodded eagerly and looked up at her with big eyes. So, Raevyn started explaining:

“Well, your papa probably told you that there’s only male or female, right? Nothing in-between. That’s already medically incorrect, but that’s not what we’re gonna talk about. What your dad tried to tell you about is someone’s sex. Their biological sex, what they were assigned at birth. Now, you were assigned…”

“Male.”

Wrong.

“Correct. But what matters is how you feel. That is your gender.”

“So…” Topa said slowly. “Someone could be male and feel like they are female?”

“Exactly.”

“Would they still be male?”

“No, they’d be female, according to my people’s beliefs, because their feelings are what matters. My people believe someone’s body to only be a hull, so someone’s sex is only secondary to someone’s true gender. Besides, with today’s medicine, you can change it at will anyways to match how you feel.”

“Amazing.”

“And people can’t just feel male or female either. They can feel like neither or both or somewhere in-between or outside of those norms.”

“Someone can be neither?”

“That’s right.”

“What would you call that?”

“Non-binary.”

“Non-binary… And if someone feels like a gender that isn’t their assigned sex?”

“That’s what we call trans.”

Topa looked baffled. Hopefully, it was the good kind of baffled. It seemed like he was catching on, at least. Hopefully, he wouldn’t spill anything at the dinner table and get in trouble with Klyden. But it was too late to back-pedal now.

“I should probably say that believing in someone’s gender is common sense among most Union cultures,” Raevyn continued. “But my species is especially open about it because we’ve had concepts like that firmly established in our society and culture for much longer than other species. Other cultures still have the gender binary pretty cemented, even today, and switching between or blending genders isn’t as common. We think of gender as something fluid - humans would say it’s a spectrum.”

Topa’s eyes were widened with excitement. He looked up at Raevyn and smiled. Then, his smile faded a little.

“Why do I have to keep this a secret?” Topa asked. “It is beautiful.”

Raevyn smiled, but she felt bad inside. She was proud of Topa, she really was. As if he were her child.

“You see, Topa,” she sighed, “if things went by me, you wouldn’t have to. But your papa… How do I say this…? Klyden wouldn’t be happy to hear you talk about it. He’d get very angry at you and me and I don’t want you to get in trouble with your papa because of me. He’s just not ready to hear it yet. Maybe, one day, he will be.”

They sat in silence for a second. There was something else that needed to be said.

“Of course, if you feel like you might not be male,” Raevyn continued, fighting with herself not to spill the secret she, too, had to guard, “you can’t go around hiding it. No one should have to hide who they really are. If that happens, you come talk to me again and we’ll figure something out.”

Silence again. But it was a comfortable silence. Topa smiled and nodded. Raevyn finally felt like she had said what needed to be said and had given Topa something to fall back on once he inevitably found out about his past. Or maybe he would never need this advice. But just in case he did, she would be there. Klyden would be their biggest issue, but she would find a way to deal with him. Besides, Bortus was there, too, and he would most likely be on their side if push came to shove. But that wasn’t something they had to worry about right now.

“Can I see your homeworld?” Topa asked sweetly.

“I’d love to show you,” Raevyn said, “but it’s a Saturday night. I bet all the simulators are taken.”

“Oh.”

“But we can look at pictures if you’d like.”

“I would love that.”

[rayslittlekitten]

Not All Leaves Turn in Autumn

“You Got This” Masterlist

A/N: So this week's @writer-wednesday prompt inspired something. It's been a while since I've visited this universe. This would take place before "Carry Me Home" but a year after Jax and reader charcter breaks up and he's with Tara. I know I still haven't written what happened between them and I've just been filling in different parts of the story in pieces. One day, all the pieces will be there (hopefully!) Also, this isn't beta'd.

Rating: T

Word Count: ~1500

Pairing: Teenager!Jax Teller & Teenager F! Reader/OC; OC (Johnny) x Teenager F! Reader/OC (Opie's sister)

Plot: Things don't turn out as expected when you introduce your new boyfriend to your friends and family.

Contains: marijuana use, kissing, jealousy, assault, cursing, angst

Your junior year just started not too long ago and fall season approached quickly. The weather’s gotten cooler, the leaves are starting to turn and Halloween decorations are everywhere. What you enjoy the most about this season are all the fun activities that come with it: the hayrides, the haunted houses, pumpkin picking and so much more festivities. Aside from the MC being a big contributor, families gather together and people of all ages are just having a good wholesome time. Traditionally it’s been you, Jax, Opie and other friends smoking weed before going into the haunted house getting the crap scared out of yourselves to getting lost in corn mazes.

This year, things are a bit different. Jax and Opie just graduated high school in June and they both have their own girlfriends to take up all their time now. You have your own boyfriend too, but it’s the first time you’re bringing him around your family and friends. The two of you met and hit it off in a math class during a summer school program a few months back and haven’t stopped talking since. He’s a real sweet kid and you’re completely smittened. 

You’re nervously waiting by the entrance where a giant scarecrow greets people as they pass through. You glance at your watch and tap your booted toe.

“Is this guy ever gonna show up?” your brother asks.

“He’s only fifteen minutes late! Chill the fuck out,” you shoot back.

“This nerd is probably not even real,” Jax scoffs.

They’ve all heard about this guy but have never seen him. 

“Shut up! You’re a nerd!” You shove Jax and he stumbles back a bit, accidentally bumping into Tara.

“Come on, guys! Leave her alone. This is her first boyfriend. Be nice,” Tara jumps in to defend you.

If she only knew. 

“Screw this. I’m not waiting around for this imaginary guy. See you guys later,” Jax says, grabbing Tara’s hand before taking off. She throws a small wave to the group while being led away.

Despite Jax falling head over heels for Tara, you can’t really hate her. She’s always been nice to you and to be honest, it’s nice to have another female around, but you’re not sure how she’s stuck around for this long. Miss Community College doesn’t seem quite cut out for the MC life, but she’s committed to Jax and has a tattoo to prove it. You’ve also seen the way Gemma looks at her and talks about her. That’s one big obstacle no amount of tattoos is ever going to be enough to overcome.

“You okay waiting here by yourself?” Opie asks. “Katie wants a candy apple–”

“Don’t put this on me! You’re the one who wants one,” Kate cuts in and playfully slaps his arm.

“It’s fine. Go have fun. I’ll find you guys later,” you reply.

“You sure?” Opie asks again.

“Yes! Just go,” you chuckle and gently shove him. 

Opie reaches to ruffle the top of your hair before taking off. You swat his hand away and frantically fix your hair. You had spent a good amount of time this morning on it. After seemingly putting every strand back in place, you feel a tap on your shoulder. You instantly turn around to find your boyfriend flashing a smile at you.

“Johnny! You made it!” you squeal, but realize you sounded a bit too excited so you try to keep your cool.

“Yeah, sorry I’m late. I was helping my mom with the groceries,” Johnny apologizes as he rubs the back of his neck.

“It’s alright.” Your cheeks heat up as you tuck a loose chunk of hair behind your ear. “Anyways, come on. I want you to meet my brother and friends.”

Johnny is well aware of your association with the Sons. There is no hiding it when you live in a small town, but he doesn’t care. In fact, he looks forward to putting a face on some of the names you talk about all the time. With that, you grab his hand and the two of you go on your merry way.

***

It’s been maybe an hour or so since Jax and Tara had left the group and they haven’t circled back with anyone yet. They’ve lost track of time as they’ve been too busy getting lost in the corn maze and stopping every once in a while to makeout and grope each other while sharing a joint. As they try to find their way out, they hear some suspicious noises in the distance.

“Sounds like we’re not the only ones having a good time in here,” Jax whispers and chuckles quietly after taking a hit of the joint in his hand and passing it to Tara.

“All the teenagers are doing it,” she rolls her eyes, taking the joint from him.

As they continue to make their way through the maze, the noises get louder and more lewd, their path forcing them to listen to this hot and heavy private moment.

“No, stop! It tickles!”

Jax’s ears suddenly perk up. He recognizes that voice. 

“Just for a little bit?”

“I don’t know.”

“I won’t go all the way in.”

He hears soft moaning and his feet move quicker. His perked up ears are now bright red.

“Where are you going?” Tara asks as she tries to keep up.

When he rounds a corner, he finds you cornered against the tall wall of corn by Johnny with his hand under your skirt. Suddenly, Jax grabs the back of Johnny’s shirt and yanks him off of you. You flinch at the unexpected interruption.

“Jackson!” you shout as you pull your shirt and skirt down to cover yourself and rush over to where Jax flung Johnny on the ground. “Leave Johnny alone! What are you doing?!”

“Oh, so you’re Johnny. You are real. So I hear you’re good with math,” Jax says as he hovers over Johnny. “Maybe you can solve this for me: Johnny has a whole set of white pearly teeth. If I beat his face in with my two fists, how many teeth will Johnny have left?” he threatens.

“Jackson!” You grab onto Jax’s kutte and try to pull him off Johnny. 

“The lady said no!” With one hand grasping Johnny’s shirt, Jax’s other ringed fist is cocked back.

“What the hell?” Tara finally catches up and stumbles into the scene.

“Tara! Help me get him off!” You shout.

Tara ditches the joint and rushes over, grabbing Jax’s forearm to prevent him from slamming it into Johnny’s face. Finally with the combination of both of you and Tara, you’re able to drag Jax away. He’s a lot stronger than he appears for someone who looks 150 pounds when wet.

While still on the ground, Johnny scrambles away from Jax.

“Hey, I didn’t mean any harm.” He puts his hands up. “I was being respectful.”

“It sure as fuck didn’t sound like it to me!” Jax lunges at Johnny but you and Tara are holding him back. Johnny flinches and gets up on his feet.

“Johnny’s a nice guy! He wouldn’t force himself on me.” You step in between him and Johnny.

This certainly was not the way you had intended for them to meet, but you’re also not surprised by Jax’s behavior. Despite the fact he's the one who ended what the two of you had, his jealousy disguised as protectiveness ever since then did not go unnoticed by you.

“I’m sorry if we got off on the wrong foot, but I understand you’re just being protective of her and I appreciate–” Johnny starts off.

“Shut the fuck up! As far as I know, you were being a fucking creep. You don’t get to touch her,” Jax growls as he points his finger at him.

“Fuck off, Jackson! Johnny’s my boyfriend and we can makeout and fuck all we want. We don’t need your permission,” you shoot back, stepping up to him.

“I’m gonna tell Ope,” Jax threatens.

“Go ahead. Just don’t leave out the part where you assaulted Johnny because I was consensually making out with him.” You cross your arms over your chest. 

You notice Jax’s jaw ticking and his breathing getting deeper and heavier. 

“Are… are you sure you’re okay?” Tara asks you sincerely while trying to focus on you. “Do you want to come with me and Jax?”

“I’m fine! Just leave us alone,” you reply.

“Okay, come on Jax. She said she’s fine.” Tara tugs on his hoodie sleeve. “Let’s try to find our way out. The munchies are kicking in.”

Both you and Jax stare each other down with snarls until finally Jax lets up after Tara gives him another pull.

“It was nice to finally meet you, Johnny. See you around.” 

As Jax and Tara start walking away, Jax stares Johnny down. He glances at you for a moment and you see the green in his ice cold blue eyes right before he turns facing front. He shrugs Tara’s hand off his bicep as he continues to walk away.

[nastybuckybarnes]

Of Kings and Beasts  -  Nine

Pairing: King!Bucky X Princess!Reader X King!Steve

Summary: Born a bastard of the King of Orlen, you’re thrust to the West to marry the Kings. However, the greeting you get is anything but warm, and your life with the King is far from enjoyable. He knows it isn’t your fault his husband is gone, but that fact alone won’t prevent him from taking it out on you.

Warnings: Angst, Injuries, Fluff, Language, Violence, 

Word Count: 2.9K

A/n: Another chapter is finished!! I’ve got an idea but it’s SO DANGEROUS AND Y’ALL MIGHT HATE ME IF I DO IT BUT ITS SO TEMPTING AND I THINK I’M GONNA DO IT ahem anyway I hope you guys enjoy this!

A/n 2: I’m posting this before work so I’ll reply to asks and comments when I get home tonight! Also, I’ve got the next part of Gangsta written up if y’all want that.... hehe

THIS SERIES CONTAINS SMUT AND DARK THEMES THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME AUDIENCES!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!

Series Masterlist

~*~

“How have you been adjusting to this new home?” Thor asks one morning, a smile on his face. You grin back at him, the weight of Acadia lifted off your shoulders as you take a sip of your tea.

“Quite well. Although Loki has been an interesting addition.” The raven-haired man looks up from his book momentarily and gives you a look, to which you only smile.

From the moment you entered the cottage you knew it would be good for you to stay here.

“Well, we are at your disposal. I will have to go back to Asgard within the weeks to come, but Loki and the Valkyrie shall remain here should you need or want them.” You nod gratefully, looking out the window and pursing your lips as you watch the women spar outside.

“What? What is it?” Thor asks, following your gaze.

“I want to learn to defend myself. To wield a sword and fight off an attacker.” Loki scoffs from where he sits, his nose still buried deep in his book.

“For what reason should a queen wish to learn to fight? You will always have men for that.” Your defence is up in an instant, and you clench your jaw before composing yourself enough to reply.

“I do think that considering both my upbringing and the way I have been treated in my new kingdom, I have every right to want to learn to defend myself. I have many reasons to want to defend myself, none of which concern you, however, if you had the slightest idea of all that I have endured in my short time as queen you would not question me wanting to learn to defend myself. I have been shunned from my palace because my husbands fear someone will kill me. My own husbands have brought me far more pain than I would like to admit. I have every right to wish to learn how to defend myself and I will not hear a word from you about the subject!”

His brows raise to nearly his hairline and he looks between you and his brother before burying his nose back in his book, which elicits a chuckle from the blond king.

“If the situation is so severe that I need be sent away for my own safety, I need to learn to defend myself.”

Thor nods, a strong hand patting your shoulder comfortingly.

“I knew there was a fire in you. I could see it in those eyes when you spoke of running from the Kings. I just needed to find it.” He rises to his feet and straightens his clothing. “Loki does have a special talent for pulling the fire from even the most docile creatures. But I will go speak with the valkyrie. They will be delighted to have a student to train.”

He leaves the cottage to interrupt the sparring outside, and you feel your heart skip a beat at the first piece of control that you will have over your life.

~*~

“If that will be all, You are dismissed,” King Steven says, his voice low and exhausted. The royal adviser bows then heads to the door, hesitating for a moment.

“Forgive me, Your Majesties, but I cannot help but notice the absence of the Queen. Where has she gone?” It’s not the first time they’ve gotten the question in the week that you've been gone, therefore they already have their excuse rehearsed and perfected.

“We simply have no use for her. If she cannot even bear our children then what use is she to us?” Comes Steve’s practiced response.

“We were instructed to find a queen who could produce strong heirs. Our wife cannot. So she is no longer of use to us,” James adds, his voice dripping in boredom as he looks over a document on his desk.

The royal advisor nods then excuses himself, bustling to his own office with newfound haste and purpose.

“It’s been a week and we are no closer to finding who it is than we were when she was here,” Steve murmurs after a long moment of silence, his shoulders heavy with the weight of their decision.

“I’m beginning to question whether it was a good decision to send her along with Thor. Especially after he threatened to make her a queen of his own. What if she were to agree?” James stands up and walks over to his husband, taking his shaking hands in his own and sighing.

“I would not blame her if she were to agree. We have treated her like a prisoner. I have... brutalized her and beaten her and I will never be able to repent. If she were to want him I would in no way blame her. He has provided her with a safe haven. She can confide in him and trust him in a way that she may not be able to again with us.” Steve sniffles and squeezes his eyes shut.

“We need to find who it is that has caused this and we need to make them pay.” James nods, smoothing his thumbs over the back of his husband’s hands.

“We will. But until we do, we must remain strong. The Doctor is recovering and when he is fully recovered we will ask him who it was that attacked him. We will find who is behind this, but we must be patient.”

~*~

“Again!” You raise your sword just in time to block a blow from one of the Valkyrie, grinding your teeth together as you push her back a step then swipe your own sword at her throat.

She hops backward, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“You are learning, Your Majesty. But you still hold back. Why? You cannot be afraid to hurt us,” The Captain says, walking forward and looking at you closely.

“You must show no mercy. Not when you must choose between your own life and the life of someone who means to do you harm. You will fight and you will fight to the death.”

Your entire body is burning with the exertion but you hold your ground, raising your sword and ready to go again.

“That’s what I like to see! Now, we go again!” Brunnhild exclaims, a grin on her face as she takes her fighting stance.

It’s just over two weeks since you began your training and everyone is surprised at how quickly you’re picking up on what’s being taught, but none more than you.

You’re just stepping out of the bath, muscles aching with a new type of strength that the Valkyrie have been beating into you, when your eyes catch a glimpse of movement at the window to your bedroom. A figure clad in all black is moving swiftly away from the cottage and disappearing into the darkness of woods, the setting sun aiding in the camouflage of the person.

Thinking that it’s none other than Loki going to wreak havoc on some poor defenceless wanderers, you don’t question it. Instead, you get dressed into a soft Asgardian gown and start preparing yourself for bed.

You’re just about ready to settle down with a book when a flash of white catches your eye from the window. You hesitantly investigate, heart hammering in your chest as you see a letter tucked securely in the window.

You open it and snatch the envelope before it can be taken by the wind, then shut the window again.

The seal on the envelope is that of Acadia, and your heart is in your throat as you realize that this could very well be a letter from the Kings. You’ve no idea what it may say, and cannot decide if you are more nervous or excited as you open it.

The script is not one you recognize, but your eyes greedily devour every word, the smile fading from your face at what lies on the page in your hand.

Thor finds you sometime later seated on the floor, the letter gripped tightly in your hands and your eyes focused on a point on the wall.

“(Y/n?” He asks softly, knocking against the doorframe to try and get your attention. You make no indication that you’ve heard him.

He enters the room, brows furrowed as he sees what you’re holding. “What is that? What does it say? Is it from the Kings?”

It takes a very long moment, but eventually, you find the strength to speak. But even then your voice is a weak rasp.

“Did you know the truth? Did you hide it from me as well?” Thor is beyond confused as he approaches you, taking the page from you and reading through the contents quickly.

‘Your Majesty,

Do not ask who I am nor how I know where you are, just know that you need be more careful who it is you call your lovers. They have sent you away, not for your own protection but because you failed at the task they wanted you for. They have sent you away because you failed to bear their children, this I promise I have heard with my own ears. I know not what they have told you but it is what I have witnessed. They have said this directly and I have heard it with my very own ears. You would do well to stay away from them, for they are dangerous. But I am certain that you and your late child are more than aware of that.

Consider this a warning, your majesty, for I know you are unsafe. You must take care and be far more careful of who you allow in your court.’

“Loki!” The prince is in the room within the same moment, his eyes full of confusion.

“Have the Valkyrie secure the area and find me the man who sent this! Travel to Acadia and alert the Kings. The Queen is no longer safe here.”

You’re confused. If the kings have directly told someone this, why then is Thor responding in such a way?

Loki is on horseback heading towards Acadia only moments later, and Thor is leaving the room as soon as the Valkyrie enter.

Brunnhild crouches next to you, a frown on her face as she glances at the note on the floor, its words echoing in your ears.

“Do not allow this to scare you, Your majesty. Do not give them the satisfaction of that.” You scoff and shake your head at her, “it is far easier said than done. All my life I have been punished for ever speaking, much less standing my ground. I have perfected the art of cowering, for men wish to do nothing but hurt and maim all so they can gain power.”

She sits down and shakes her head, taking your hand in hers and squeezing it tightly.

“You forget that we are all brought into this world through blood and through pain, your Majesty. We are the daughters of savage women. We are their savage daughters and we will act like it. We will bite and scream and we will take up space. We will not conform to their ideas of what women should be.” Her words are whispered into the still air of the room as if she were hiding them from any listening ears.

“Do not lower your voice for any man. Do not cower beneath them. You are a powerful being. One that can create life and you can also take it away, never forget that.” She pulls a dagger off of her belt and hands it to you, curling your fingers around the hilt before she continues speaking.

“You have the blood of goddesses and witches flowing through your veins. You hold a power that men could never understand. With every step we take, every time we refuse to cower... we honour our mothers, our grandmothers, and the ones before them. The ones who stood and fought and were torn to pieces. We will not be silenced. You will not be silenced. You are more powerful than that. You must remember your strength and your power. Do not let the men convince you that you are anything less than what you are.”

Your eyes sting and your throat gets tight, but she only hugs your shoulders and continues speaking.

“Your power is what scares them. Why else would they try to assert their dominance in such a way? But you will not fall. You will not allow them to treat you like that because you are the daughter of a savage. You are yourself a savage woman and you will act like it. Royal title be damned.”

You sniffle once, twice, three times, then nod, wiping your eyes just as Thor re-enters the room.

The Valkyrie take their leave and the King sighs, crouching down next to you and gently stroking your cheek.

“I’m so very sorry, Petal. You are no longer safe here. If someone was able to bring you this letter then I fear you are in far more danger than we had thought. The conspiracy against the Kings runs far deeper than any of us could have anticipated, and if we are to keep you safe then we must act quickly.” He pulls you to your feet and bustles around quickly, covering your shoulders in a thick cloak and packing a bag of your belongings.

“Wait, where do you mean to take me? If I am not safe anywhere?”

He tosses your bag over his shoulder and grabs your hand, entwining your fingers and giving your hand a soft squeeze.

“The only place you will truly be safe.” You’re still quite confused.

“We make for Asgard.”

[jenstar1992-2]

May I please request an older!Captain Rex x reader drabble where you're married and there with Rex, Gregor and Wolffe when Ezra and the rebels come to Rex for help?

Ask and you shall receive. 😊 Here it is, took me a minute to start writing again, but I finally got around to it. I know this is not really a drabble, I didn’t start out with the intention on making it long, especially not THIS long, but here we are. It's been a good minute since I last wrote anything so hopefully this is ok, and I hope you like it. Also, sorry it went a bit off the rails there, did not mean for it to get so angsty and junk, but my brain was going, and my fingers just kept typing, tried to end it happy though so… yeah.

Trust

Pairing: Older! Rex X Fem! reader

Warnings: Language, angst, mentions of order 66, reader being very protective of her boys, feels all around really, a bunch of married couple fluff (not really a warning, just wanted to mention it), it does get a little saucy at the end, nothing crazy, more talk than anything else

Word Count: 11,113

"We've got company", you hear Gregor say as he eyes the screen in front of him. You stand from your seat and make your way over to him.

"What is it", you ask, looking over his shoulder to inspect the image on the screen for yourself.

"Looks like an auxiliary starfighter of some kind."

"What's it doing out here?"

"I'm more concerned about who's inside it", Rex says from behind you. You turn to face your husband, giving him a curious look.

"Who the hell would be all the way out here? We're in the middle of nowhere", you say, holding your arms out and gesturing to the space around you before folding them at your chest.

"Exactly, who in their right mind would land in the middle of nowhere, and conveniently right in our path."

"You think it's something we should be worried about?"

"Don't know, just seems a bit suspicious is all", he says, lifting his hand to his chin, rubbing it with his index finger in thought.

There's a short moment of silence before you break it. "Well", you say with a little clap of your hands to break Rex out of his thoughts and bring him back to reality. "Let's check it out, who knows, maybe their friendly." You walk to the door and look back to the three men, giving them a smile and waiting for them to follow.

Wolffe chuckled and shook his head. "Ah (Y/N), always the optimist." His comment making you smile a little wider.

"Hey, it's gotten me this far", you say with a little shrug.

They all chuckle at that as they move to join you by the door. Wolffe and Gregor each grabbing their weapons on the way. You give them a confused look before Wolffe states, "Just in case."

You smile and nod, absentmindedly placing your hands to your hips, where they ghost over your lightsabers that you keep strapped there. You didn't know why you kept them on, it's not like you ever used them, never had to after coming to this deserted planet, where nothing much ever happens. But you kept them there, if for no other reason than it just felt wrong not having them on you. Your lightsabers were an extension of yourself after all, at least that's what your master taught you. As you reach to open the door, your hand gets caught in a gentle grip. You turn, raising your eyebrow at Rex who only offers you a soft smile. "I'll go first cyar'ika."

A small grin forms on your lips. "As always", you reply, moving aside to let him take the lead. As he passes you, he places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"Yep, always", he confirms before opening the door and walking out into the bright sunlight, you and the other two men right behind him.

You walk up to the railing and gaze down warily at the group that had just exited the starfighter. "It's a bunch of old geezers, well mostly old geezers", one of them says, a lasat from the looks of him.

"Well- armed old geezers", the Mandalorian girl adds.

"What do you want", Rex asks, sounding a bit gruffer than usual. You guessed he was trying to sound more intimidating. You would've laughed if you weren't also trying keep a serious front.

"We're looking for someone", responded the man in the group.

"Well, that's too bad, cause there's nobody out here", Rex says while leaning on the railing.

The boy speaks up next and asks, "Hey, uh, does the number 7567 mean anything to you?" You all straighten simultaneously.

"What did you just say", you asked, a small ball of anger beginning in your chest.

"Uh, I said 7567", the boy responded.

You looked over to Rex who still had his gaze set on the group below. "Well, that's my birth number", he tells them.

You see the man's eyes light up with recognition, like he's had a realization. "They're clones", he says angrily. He then pulls out a lightsaber and ignites it, stepping in front of the others.

"It's the jedi, they've come for revenge", you hear Wolffe say from your right before he fires a few shots at the man, who blocks them easily. You then see the man take a few more steps forward, looking like he wanted to jump up to your level and take you all out, but you weren't about to let him get that far. Acting on instinct, you grabbed your sabers from your hips and jumped down to the ground, landing just a few feet from him, your sabers igniting as soon as your feet hit the dirt. You stood in a defensive stance, ready to attack if he made even a single wrong move.

"I wouldn't if I were you", you told him in a tone that said you weren't messing around.

"She's a jedi", the boy said from behind the man, surprise clear in his voice.

"Stand down troopers, that's an order", you heard Rex bark from above. "(Y/N)", he then said in a softer tone. You knew what he wanted, but you were far from relenting, you needed to keep your men safe.

"Not gonna happen", you responded, still not taking your eyes off the man in front of you.

"Kanan stop, we have to trust them remember?" The boy seemed to be trying to reason with the man. You continued to glare at him, an action which he reciprocated. You stayed like that for a few more seconds until you heard your name being called again, even more gently than before.

"Please cyare, put them away", Rex calls down, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible. He knows all you need is a little push to send you over the edge at this point. You were always like this when anyone or anything threatened the safety of your men, you'd been that way for as long as he’d known you and he didn't see that ever changing. Not that he didn't respect the hell out of you for it. He and his brothers always appreciated the way you defended them with such vigor. However, Rex also knew that this wasn't the time for that. Something told him that they should be trying to make friends in this situation, instead of starting a fight.

"Not until he does", you finally reply.

The boy puts a hand on the man's shoulder, giving him a pleading look. Kanan sighs before deactivating his lightsaber and returning it to his hip. He then looks at you expectantly. You regard him for a few more moments before you too put your sabers away. Once you re-attached them, you turned and jumped back up to your original position, grabbing the railing and easily pulling yourself up and over it, before coming to stand beside your husband. You cross your arms over your chest, still feeling a bit defensive. Rex could feel your tension and responded by wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you closer to his side, feeling you relax just a bit.

The boy took this opportunity to make his introductions. "My name's Ezra. This is Kanan. That's Sabine and Zeb", he said while pointing out each of his comrades. "It's nice to meet you, 7567."

Rex felt you stiffen a bit in his grasp. You hated when anyone referred to him by his number and not his name. It had started as a pet peeve, but as time went on you just saw it as downright disrespectful and then it just straight up pissed you off. Rex knew this and it was just one of the millions of reasons he loved you so much. He could feel you prickling up with anger again. He moved the hand holding your waist to your hip and gave it a light squeeze in an attempt to calm the storm brewing inside you. This was your way of telling each other that everything was okay and not to be upset, light squeezes or soft touches, usually followed by a reassuring look. After this he again felt you start to calm. It was crazy the affect you two had on each other, it was damn near magic.

"Actually, my name is Rex. Captain, 501st Clone Battalion. Meet Commanders Gregor and Wolffe", Rex introduced the men standing behind you before looking to you, pulling you to him in a tighter one-armed embrace, "and this beautiful ball of fire is our General, (Y/F/N, Y/L/N). I know she seems a bit rough around the edges, but once you get to know her, you'll find she's pretty amazing." You looked to Rex after your introduction to notice him looking at you with an expression of pride, like he had just showed off his most prized possession, which in a way, you were. Rex never had much, but he always had you, and that's all he ever wanted. Your love and adoration were all he needed to feel as though he had a fulfilling life. Something he reminded you of on more than one occasion. You couldn't help but smile back at him, that same adoration clearly visible in your gaze.

You both were brought back to the present when you heard Ezra's voice addressing you. "We were sent by Ahsoka", he told you. Your ears perked up at the mention of your friend, turning to look at the boy.

"Ahsoka?"

Rex grinned. "Ahsoka Tano. We fought by her side from the battle of Christophsis to the siege of Mandalore", he said reminiscently.

"A friend of Ahsoka's is a friend of ours", you said, finally offering the group a genuine smile. Ezra smiled back, glad to see the fighting was over.

***

You and the boys had decided to help the crew of the Ghost to find a place to set up their rebel base. You could tell they were grateful for your help, most of them anyway. Kanan still seemed to distrust your little squad. When you thought about it you couldn't totally blame him. From what you could tell, Kanan was a young man, which meant that he would've still been a young padawan near the end of the clone wars, which also meant that he had to endure the horror that was Order 66 at a young age. You remember how terrible it had been for you, Ahsoka, and Rex. Not to mention the countless others who had to watch their allies, their friends turn on them, not knowing why. You had felt their pain, their fear, their feeling of betrayal, all before they were silenced. Then there were the clones who had their chips removed and had been traumatized at what they had almost done, what most of their brothers did do, even if it was out of their control. It took a heavy toll on all of you, and even though so much time had passed, it still hurt like hell. So yeah, you could understand his feelings, but if you were going to all work together successfully, then he had to lay some of that aside and learn to trust you, and the clones. You knew it wouldn't be easy, but you figured it couldn't hurt to try and talk to him.

You were walking topside on your way to the Phantom for what you knew was going to be an uncomfortable talk, at best. As you approached the vessel you saw Rex standing by its entrance talking to whoever was inside. "We all have a choice", he said as you reached his position. He then turned to walk away, stopping after a few steps when he saw you standing there. He had a saddened expression that made your heart hurt, but before you could ask what was wrong, he walked past you, only stopping for a moment to bring your forehead to his, a gesture that meant he wasn't okay, but he would be. You nodded and let him leave, then turned to continue your little mission.

As you walked to the entrance of the phantom Ezra emerged, giving you a sad smile before passing you to join the rest of his crew up front. Once he was gone you focused your attention on Kanan who was facing away from you, fiddling with his lightsaber. "Hey", you called, trying to sound like you weren't still a little pissed at him.

"Hi", he said, rather unenthusiastically.

"Well, aren't you all warm a fuzzy", you said sarcastically.

"Can I help you with something, because if not then please leave me be, I have things to do." You rolled your eyes. This was going to be harder than you thought.

"Mm, yeah, that seems real important", you say, pointing to the saber in his hand that he had been detaching and re- attaching the same piece on for the past minute. He gave you a look over his shoulder, but you ignored it continuing. "Anyway, I was hoping we could talk."

"About what?"

You crossed your arms. "You know what." He just continued his mindless fiddling, so you sighed and went on. "Look, I understand your feelings towards the clones, I even understand your feelings towards me, but if we're going to work together here then you need to put all that aside, even if it's just for the time being. Do you think you could do that?" You looked at him with a sympathetic, yet hopeful look.

"Put it aside, put it aside?" His voice had raised to where he was just short of yelling at you. "How do you suggest I do that, huh? Maybe to you the war was a long time ago, but to me it feels like it could've been yesterday. The pain is still fresh to me, I can't forget it or set it aside as I please, it's always there and it always will be. I can't just sit here and act like I'm okay when everything here reminds of that awful day, the day I lost my master, the one time she needed me most and I couldn't save her. How can I put it aside when every time I turn around here I see the faces that murdered her?” That was it, that was what tore the last piece of patience from you.

"ENOUGH!" He froze, obviously not expecting the amount of anger that now radiated off you in waves. "Listen, you son of a bitch, I've tried to be patient, I've tried to be understanding, hell, I tried to be genuinely nice to you, but clearly you don't respond to nice, so this is how it's gonna go." You grabbed him by the front of his shirt and brought his face only inches from yours. "You are going to buck the kriff up and get over your bantha shit until this is over, and if you hurt or disrespect my men again, you won't be leaving this planet intact, do I make myself clear?" You made sure to emphasize those last five words.

He looked at you, still shocked, for a moment before narrowing his eyes and giving you a bitter, "Yes Ma'am."

You instantly released your grip, letting him go. "Good, as long as we're on the same page, you can go back to your 'oh so important' work." You made you way back to the door but stopped just as your one foot passed the threshold. You turned slightly before saying in a low voice, "You know, you’re not the only one that lost people that day." You paused as so many faces flashed through your mind, all the friends you lost, even ones before the end of the war, all the faces that plagued your thoughts so often. "Survivor’s guilt is a hell of a thing, believe me, I know... we all know", and that's all you left him with before you quickly made your exit, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay, you weren't about to show him that kind of weakness in you, not when you had to stay strong, not when you had your family to protect.

You made your way to the front with the others, seeing Ezra and Sabine leaning on the rail, talking casually. Sabine was the first to notice you approaching. "Oh, hey General (Y/L/N)", she said, smiling as she turned to fully face you. Her smile quickly faded when she took in your expression. "Are you okay", she asked, her voice laced with genuine concern.

You stopped in front of her, finally looking up to meet her gaze. "Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah I'm alright", you replied, giving her a reassuring smile, hoping it was believable. "Oh, and you don't need to call me that. It's (Y/N). Not need for formalities with me, no matter what the boys say." She nodded, turning back to lean on the rail as you moved to stand between the two teens, copying their actions. "So, what were you two talking about before I interrupted", you asked, hoping that a casual conversation with some young bloods would help get your mind off of that upsetting talk you had only moments ago.

"Nothing much, just that you guys seem to have a pretty nice setup here, living the quiet life and all", Ezra said, gesturing toward the modified tank you were all currently on.

You chuckled. "I don’t know if quiet is the word I'd use, if there's one thing these boys are not, it’s quiet, but I get your meaning", you said, smiling at the young teen.

"It makes me wonder though." You turned at Sabine's words to look at the girl. "Wonder what", you asked.

"Well, I can see how this life is desirable for the clones, I mean I'm sure the war took its toll on everyone, but it must've even more so on them. So, a nice quiet life of isolation seems like a nice reprieve if anything else", she said, pausing to look at you, seeming to contemplate her next words before continuing her thought. "But you’re a jedi."

"And", you questioned, cocking an eyebrow.

"Well, all the jedi I know can't seem to stay in one place for very long, not unless there's a point to it anyway. Plus, if anyone should want the downfall of the empire, it should be the jedi. You guys were peacekeepers after all, and with the empire in control there hasn't been any true piece to be found. I don't know, I guess I just thought you'd be fighting with the rebellion, instead of hanging out here slinging for joopa with retired clone troopers." She looked at you with a confused expression.

You sighed before responding, "I get your logic, and you're right, if anyone deserves a quiet life away from all the violence out in the galaxy, it's the clones. We all went through it and it was bad for all of us, but they really got screwed more than any of us in my opinion. We at least had some semblance of a choice in the matter, but the clones, they were forced into a war they had nothing to do with, and not even a light at the end of the tunnel to work toward. Most clones had no idea what would happen to them after the war, or what they would do. If you ask me, these boys deserve much more than this 'quiet' life." You leant over the railing again, looking to the ground below. "You're right about the rest too. We were peacekeepers, at least, we were supposed to be, and I do want the empire to fall, but...", you paused, not sure why you were divulging so many of the thoughts you'd kept to yourself for so long, even during the war, you hadn't fully voiced your opinion on these topics with anyone but Rex, and that was only in confidence, in those precious moments when it was just the two of you, the world outside a distant thought as you held each other and talked throughout the night. These and other hard topics would come up now and then, but you'd never have thought that you'd be here telling those same thoughts to two teens who you'd only just met earlier that day. You realized it was because, for reasons unknown to you, you trusted them, and you guessed that was enough. "When the war ended, and the empire took power, I was lost. We all were", you continued. "Ahsoka, Rex, and I, we were together when it happened, and if it hadn't been for that, well, I don't know where I'd be right now. Maybe I would've joined the rebellion, if I had somehow been able to survive on my own. But that's not how things played out. I was able to keep those closest to me and then I had a decision to make. Join another fight and risk the one thing that gives my life purpose or keep them safe and away from the danger." You stood straight, looking to Sabine. "We all have a choice, and I made mine. I chose family, I chose him."

"Rex", she said, confident in her understanding of your words. You gave her a short nod, then looked away, staring at the empty landscape before you.

It remained silent for a moment until Ezra spoke up, wanting to voice the question that had been on his mind. "Rex said that he never betrayed his jedi, is that true?"

You smiled, turning your attention to Ezra now. "Yes, it's true. It wasn't easy though, those damn chips really did their jobs well. I had never seen him fight so hard against anything the way he did with that thing. Imagine fighting your own body and mind simultaneously because that's what he did, for us. He didn't want to hurt us, and his hesitation gave us the chance we needed to escape. I had never been more relieved than I was to see that damn thing removed from his head. I owe Ahsoka a lot for that, it was her quick thinking that saved him in the end. Well, her... and Fives", you said, a sad expression taking over your features as you thought of your fallen friend, and the sacrifice he made trying to save you all.

"Who's Fives", you heard Ezra ask from beside you.

"A good man, one of the best, who deserved better", you said somberly.

The silence that settled over the three of you was thick with conflicting emotions and full of unasked questions that you were sure would stay that way, which you were grateful for.

You almost jumped at the sound of the door sliding open behind you, turning around to see Rex coming though it towards the three of you. "I've assembled a list of potential bases and clearance codes and a few protocols the imperials still use. Should be of some use", he tells Ezra, who promptly thanked him. Sabine then went inside to collect some data tapes. Rex came to stand beside you. "So, what'd I miss out here", he asked, looking between you and Ezra.

"Oh, nothing much, just telling the kids some old war stories", you said, trying to make it sound as if it had been as simple as that.

"Oh yeah? Hope they were some of the good ones", he said, grinning at you.

"Were there any good ones, because I don't remember the war being all that fun." You hadn't even noticed Kanan enter the vicinity. You instantly frowned and crossed your arms, giving him a look that told him not to test you. He heeded the warning and turned away from you all, looking outward and shaking his head in disapproval, but he stayed silent.

"Actually, (Y/N) was telling us about what you did for her and Ahsoka, about how you saved them", Ezra interjected.

Rex scoffed at that. "If memory serves, it was the other way around. Without her and Commander Tano, I don't think I'd be standing here today", he said, looking back to you, his gaze turning to one of pure adoration. You couldn't help but smile back at him.

Ezra smiled, a knowing look in his eye. "So, I guess you were telling the truth after all. You didn't betray your jedi."

You both turned your attention back on the boy. "Nope. Even married one of 'em", he responded, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you flush against his side. “Best decision I ever made too.”

You sent a sideways grin his way. “Yeah, only took you forever to ask”, you said, finally dropping your arms to mimic his hold and wrap one around his waist.

He laughed, “Sorry cyar'ika. I would’ve asked sooner but we were in the middle of a war.”

“I know, I know”, you said, lifting your free hand to let it caress his cheek lightly before coming to rest your curved finger under his chin. “I just like messing with you”. Rex continued to grace you with a soft smile. But soon your quiet moment was ruined by someone’s loud scoffing, causing you to drop your hand and glare at the offender. “You have something to say, Ponytail”, you asked, your hand now going to your hip, your other staying securely around your husband, acting as your lifeline to sanity. You knew you shouldn’t let this guy rile you up, but you couldn’t help it, he was just so infuriatingly stubborn and took every chance he could to be rude.

“Yeah actually, I do have something to say…”, he started to say, but Ezra tried to intervene.

“Kanan, maybe you shouldn’t. They’re doing us a favor here remember. So maybe we should be, oh I don’t know, nice”, he said, giving his master an almost pleading look.

Kanan scoffed once more, crossing his arms over his chest. “Nice, you want me to be nice? I don’t know Ezra, it’s kind of hard to be nice to someone who not only chooses clones over her own people, but then come to find she broke her code to have a relationship with one of them. Then to top it all off, she goes off to conspire with the traitors”, he said, raising his voice.

You let go of Rex to cross your arms as well, but feeling the rage start to build in you Rex kept his hold on you, knowing if he didn’t this might turn into an all-out fist fight, or worse. “My people huh? Well, I don’t know how things were for you in the order, but let’s just say that by the end of the war, my faith in the jedi was heavily skewed. I couldn’t trust the order anymore, not like I used to. The only people I could truly trust were my friends and my men, and most times they were one in the same. I know you have a chip on your shoulder when it comes to clones, and, as I said before, I get it. However, I can tell you something with absolute certainty, and that is that my husband is no traitor. Rex is a good man, and loyal as hell. For as long as I’ve known him, never once has my faith in him been shaken, not even on that day. He would’ve laid his life down to save Ahsoka and I, damn near did too, just like countless times before. So many of those men risked their lives for me and the other jedi over the course of the war, and I can never thank them enough for that. I knew my men, and they never would’ve turned on us unless they were forced to. It was out of their control, and I can never hold hatred in my heart for them because of it.” You lowered your arms to rest at your sides, deciding you didn’t want to start another fight, and sighed. “Look, I know I can’t tell you how to feel, and I know you’re angry and still grieving. I also know that, that pain will never truly go away.” You see his angry expression falter a bit at your words, his arms releasing a small amount of tension. “I’m sorry about your master, but don’t let her death shape your feelings towards everything that reminds you of it. Don’t let your feelings blind you from the truth.”

He looked you square on the eye then. “How do you know you aren’t letting your feelings blind you from the truth”, he asked bitterly.

You gave this some thought before answering. Meeting his eyes, you said, “Because, at the end of the day, I never let those feelings control my actions. I could love Rex and still do my duty and so could he.” You gestured to Rex, who was now watching you as you spoke. “We never let our relationship get in the way of our responsibilities.”

“She’s right”, Rex spoke up, finally taking his eyes from you to direct his words to Kanan. “Even though it might’ve been hard sometimes, we never let anything keep us from dutifully serving the republic. We had agreed in the very beginning, nothing would sway us from playing our parts in the war, not even our love for each other.” He looked to you with a solemn expression, and you knew he was reliving the same memories that you were in that moment. Remembering all the times you two had parted ways, off on your own missions, saying a bitter goodbye, not knowing if it would be your last.

You were snapped out of your memories when Kanan finally spoke, “That… that must’ve been tough.” You both looked back to him but kept silent so he could finish. “Living day in and day out, with that fear of not knowing what day might be your last was something I think we all felt during the war, and that was hard to cope with at times. But to have that and feel that same fear for another person at the same time… that couldn’t have been easy, and I can tell you that to an extent, I understand how that is now. You never know what’s coming, and you can only hope that the person you care for survives it all, because if they don’t… well, you don’t know what you’ll do.” Kanan’s eyes were cast to the ground beneath him, a sullen look adorning his features.

Ezra stared at his master with a sad but understanding look. Clearly, he knew of who Kanan was referring to, you thought.

After letting a thick silence fill the area around you all for some time, you finally decided it was time to try and end this squabble, for real this time. You cleared your throat. “So… can we come to a truce then”, you asked, stepping from Rex’s hold and moving toward Kanan, holding out your hand for him to shake. He eyed it for a moment, then looked up to meet your eyes. You gave him a hopeful lopsided grin and a little shrug. Come on, what do you have to lose.

He slowly extended his hand, grabbing yours in a firm handshake. “Okay, truce, but I’m still going to be keeping a close eye on you all while we’re here”, he said with a serious tone before he gave you a small grin.

You let out a light huff of laughter and said, “I’d be surprised if you didn’t.” You released his hand and made your way back into your husbands waiting arms. You gave each other a quick hug before turning back to face Ezra who was now smiling at the two of you. “Well, I’m glad that’s settled. So, can we all be friends now”, he asked, making all three of you chuckle.

Suddenly the door next to you slid open and Sabine emerged looking upset, waving a holopad in the air. You were about to ask her what was wrong, but she spoke first. “The clones gave us up. They warned the Empire we’re here”, she said in a huff.

“Wait what”, Ezra asked, shocked.

“You’re mistaken. We would never do that”, Rex said, reaching for the holopad, clearly confused.

Sabine snatched it away from his grasp. “I found the binary transmission to the Empire”, she said, pointing to the screen in her hand, “and there are messages Ahsoka sent to Rex and (Y/N) that they never answered.”

“What”, you and Rex said simultaneously.

“We never got any messages from Ahsoka”, you stated, peering to look at the screen of the holopad that Sabine had handed over to Rex.

“See I knew it, I knew they couldn’t be trusted”, Kanan said, walking toward Rex, pointing accusatively.

“Kanan wait”, Ezra said, holding a hand up to stop the man’s approach. He then turned to face you, Rex, and Wolffe, who had just joined you, and asked, “Is this true?”

Rex just stared at the screen for a few seconds before you saw a flash of realization light in his eyes. He then turned to the man behind you. “Wolffe, what did you do”, he asked, not sounding too happy. You turned around to look at Wolffe, who now had his back turned to you all.

“I…I contacted the Empire. If they found out we were helping jedi they’d wipe us out”, he said, still with his back to you.

“Wolffe how could you”, you asked, not being able to fully hide the hurt from your voice.

Wolffe turned to face you with a saddened expression, your voice clearly working on his emotions. “I… I’m sorry, I didn’t… I just… I’m sorry”, he said, looking to his feet shamefully.

You could hear Kanan speaking behind you, but you weren’t paying attention to what was being said, too focused on wrapping your head around why your friend would do this.

“Why Wolffe, why would you put us at risk like this”, you asked.

“I… I just wanted to protect us, they’d kill us if they knew we were harboring jedi”, he said, looking back up at you.

“Hello, you’ve been harboring a jedi for years now, why is this any different?”

“No, you’re not, I mean, you haven’t been a jedi in a long time, if anything your one of us now.”

“The Empire won’t see it that way”, you said, looking at him with a disappointed frown. “So, what was your plan exactly, call the Empire and let them capture the jedi, do who knows what to them? Were you gonna let them take me too?”

His eyes went wide, and he looked right into yours. “No! No, I would never let them hurt you, we would never let them hurt you. You’re family, aliit. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking straight, I know that now. Please forgive me (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you like a dejected puppy. You knew you couldn’t stay mad at him for long, especially since it clearly was a mistake on his part, and not a totally conscious one. Wolffe struggled with things like this sometimes, forgot who was truly responsible for all that happened, and wasn’t always sure of who he could trust. The only exceptions being his brothers and you. He knew he could always trust his family. This is why you found it hard to continue to be upset with him, so instead you gave in with a heavy sigh and wrapped your arms around him in a hug. He responded by hugging you back, whispering another shame filled apology.

“I know, I forgive you Wolffe”, you say before pulling away to look him in the eye, “but you have to make this right. These people are not the enemy, they’re our allies, and we have to protect them too.”

He searched your eyes for a moment, and in seeing your resolve gave you a tight nod, confirming that he’d found his own.

***

As it turned out, fixing Wolffe’s mistake wasn’t going to be as easy as you had thought. Unbeknownst to you, there had been a probe droid on board watching you all, for how long you weren’t sure, but it managed to damage the Phantom’s engine, which meant your new friends were stuck with you all for the time being, something you could tell didn’t make Kanan to happy. Rex had managed to destroy the probe, but the Empire was still on its way, and all you could do was prepare for the inevitable fight that was to come.

Everything happened quite suddenly, and before you knew it the Empire had arrived. They were using some new contraptions that neither you nor the clones had ever seen before, the others called them “walkers”. While impressed, the boys quickly stopped their analysis of the machines and came up with a plan. Retreat into the sandstorm that was brewing behind you to scramble their scanners and use the jedis’ force sight to maneuver your way out. This worked, but the imperials were soon gaining on your position once more. Once you exited the storm Rex instructed the others to leave, with the walkers still in the storm this was their only chance to escape back to their ship without being shot down. Most of them were on board with this plan, but Ezra didn’t want to leave you all behind.

“We can’t just abandon them”, Ezra said, still trying to convince Kanan to let them help you.

“You’re not abandoning anyone. We’re covering your escape. Now go”, Rex said in a commanding tone. He then turned to you and in a softer, but still authoritative voice said, “(Y/N), I want you to go with them.”

“What”, you asked incredulously. “No way.”

Rex sighed and took your hands in his. “Please cyare, those things are going to overrun us, and I don’t want you to be here when they do. I want you to escape with them, I want you to be safe”, he said, his eyes pleading with you to listen, just this once, but you wouldn’t have it.

“No Rex. If you’re going to fight, then so am I, and if this is where it ends, then I’m going to be right here beside you”, you tell him, releasing yourself from his grasp in order to bring your hands to cup his face, bringing his forehead to meet yours. Your eyes close as you say your next words. “If we’re going to die, then we’re going to do it like we’ve done everything else, together.”

You hear Rex sigh once more and you open your eyes to look at him. A small grin starts at the corner of his mouth, “You’re so stubborn, you know that?”

You chuckled lightly. “Yes, I am, and that’s why you love me”, you said, raising an eyebrow and giving a cocky grin. He shook his head at you, but relented, knowing full well he was not going to win this argument.

You both looked back to Ezra who still stood at the entryway of the Phantom, looking sadder than you’d seen him yet. You frowned and walked over to him, placing your hands atop the boy’s shoulders and bending down so you were at eye level. “Hey, it’s okay, we’ll be alright. We have each other’s backs, and that’s all we’ve ever really needed. Besides, we’ve faced worse than this”, you say, trying to reassure him.

“It’s just…”, he started, but you cut him off with a light shake of his shoulders.

“Come on, you gotta focus here. The most important thing for you to do right now is get out of here and get that information back to the rebellion, got it?” He nodded and looked to his feet. You hooked a finger under his chin and brought it up so he would look at you. “You did great out there you know, keep that up and you’ll make one hell of a jedi someday”, you said with an encouraging smile. He gave you a sad smile back before suddenly launching toward you, catching you in a tight hug. You were surprised at first, but soon hugged him back, smiling at the gesture. You had never had any kids of your own, but you thought that this might be close to how motherhood would feel. You had just met this kid, but you were already very proud of him and the actions he had displayed over the time he’d been with you, and although you were sad to see him go you knew he’d be alright, and that brought you an unexpected sense of comfort. A few moments later you finally pulled away, smiling as you told him, “Now go.”

Ezra nodded again, this time a little more confidently, and backed into the starfighter. You moved, walking backwards, stopping to stand next to Rex as you watched them take off. Once they were airborne you turned to your husband with a knowing grin. “So, do we have an actual plan for taking those things down, or are we just winging it”, you asked.

He chuckled. “Well, unless you have any last-minute ideas, I think winging it is our only option”, he said, shrugging.

“Good”, you said, placing your hands on your hips, “Because that was my idea.” He laughed at your sudden perkiness, it reminded him of the old days when you two would exchange snarky comments in the heat of battle, it made the terrors on the battlefield a little easier to deal with and often helped to temporarily relieve his stress. “Now, let’s get to work”, you said and began to walk to the front of the tank. Before you could get more than two steps away you felt a tug on your wrist and were suddenly pulled against Rex’s chest. You looked up at him, a slightly surprised look on your face. He smiled and brought a hand to the back of your neck, bringing you into a deep, passionate kiss, which you immediately melted into, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in even more. You knew this fight would most likely be your last and it was clear he was thinking the same, so you decided to make this moment last, and just marvel in the love that was held there between you. After a few seconds, that were much too short for your liking, you both pulled away but still held onto one another, foreheads lightly touching, for a while longer.

“Whatever happens, I just want you to know that you’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I’m glad I chose love over following the rules, I’m glad I chose you”, Rex said, cutting the silence that had built between you two.

You smiled at his confession, “I’m glad I chose you too Rex. I love you.”

“And I love you (Y/N).” You slowly released one another and shared one more loving glance before you each were heading off to your stations to prepare for the fight that was about to ensue.

You went to stand at the front of the tank, detaching your sabers from your hips and holding them, still deactivated, at your sides while Rex manned the cannon. “Wolffe, bring us around”, you heard him yell to his fellow trooper. The tank began to turn, changing its direction to head straight for the walkers now in front of you.

As you made your approach the walkers began blasting the tank. You blocked a few shots with your sabers but weren’t able to deflect them all since they were shooting from two separate angles. One blast had the tank faltering and falling in the front, causing you to have to hold on to the railing in front of you so as not to fall. You looked behind you to the trooper driving the huge machine. “Wolffe, get us level”, you yelled to him.

“Yes General”, he said firmly. He then pulled the levers in his hands toward him and upwards, causing the tank to begin to lift in the front before finally being back on its feet once more. You took your defensive stance up again once you were able to get your footing. You were coming up quickly on the walkers and were desperately trying to come up with a crazy plan to take them out, if memory served you the craziest plans always seemed to be the most effective. You were halfway through your thinking when you heard Wolffe shout from behind you. “I’m going for the legs, all four of them.”

You turned to him with an incredulous look. “Are you crazy, there’s no way that’ll work”, you said, raising your voice over the commotion surrounding you.

“Never know until we try”, he responded.

You were about to argue against the idea until you remembered your previous thought. It was a crazy idea, so it just might work. You jump to the position right above him, looking down through the glass. “Alright then, have at it Commander”, you told him encouragingly.

He nodded and pushed forward, ramming the tank into the walker ahead. It seemed to be working, until it wasn’t, the tank now with its front legs halfway up the walker’s. You were almost sure that you would all be turned upside down any minute. You thought fast. You did have one plan, maybe impossible given your lack of practice over the years, but it was worth a shot. However, before you could put your plan into action you heard Rex shouting from somewhere behind you. “Come out and fight, you cowards”, he yelled to the men in the walker. He was standing on top of the cannon, and right in the line of fire. You cursed at him internally before leaping toward him, landing right in front of him, sabers ready to block the inevitable blast. Although, it never came. Before they could retaliate, the walker was shot from the side, throwing it off balance enough to distract them from their attack. You looked to see the Phantom fly under it and make its way to the second walker, you then saw Ezra, Kanan, and Zeb jump from the starfighter and land on its head before using their sabers to cut the hatch off and enter the machine. You grinned, and before you could voice the thought, Rex did it for you. “Just like the old days”, he said.

You turned, still grinning, to look at him. “Speaking of…”, you didn’t finish before running up the barrel of the cannon, replacing your sabers on your hips along the way.

“Wait, what are you doing”, he asked, concerned.

“Can’t let them show me up now can I”, you asked him, sending a playful wink over your shoulder. You used your higher position to launch yourself upward toward the first walker and was able to grab onto one of the blasters on the side of its head. You then swung yourself toward the top, landing much more gracefully than you’d expected to. You then drew your sabers and repeated the actions of the other two force-wielders, cutting a hole in the head and jumping down into it. You took your attack stance as soon as you were in, but when you looked around there was no one there. Walking to the control panel, you looked out to see the scene below and a movement from your right caught your eye. It was the imperials that had been manning the very walker you were in now; they had evacuated and were now fleeing on a speeder bike. “Huh, they really are cowards”, you said out loud to yourself.

Rex was below, now back in his seat behind the cannon. He was waiting to take the shot until he knew you were out. He wasn’t about to take that risk and was about to call the whole idea off when he saw something shoot out the head of the walker. He squinted to see better and nearly jumped out of his seat when you landed on the barrel of the cannon, giving a little mischievous grin when you noticed you’d startled him.

Rex shook his head. “So, did ya get ‘em”, he asked, eyebrow cocked and grinning back.

You jumped down, coming to stand next to him. “Nah, those hut’unns turned tail before I could even get to them. Took off that way”, you said, pointing in the direction you saw the speeder go.

“Oh, well then I guess there’s no need to blast this thing then”, he said, gesturing to the walker, “and just when we got the power restored, ah well.” You could see the slight disappointment on his face.

“You could still blast it you know”, you told him.

“To what purpose, they’re already gone.”

You laid a hand on his shoulder. “For no other purpose then the satisfaction of seeing this hunk of junk fall”, you said with a smile.

He grinned at you. “Have I told you how much I love you lately”, he asked.

You bent down so your face was next to his. “Yeah, but it’s always nice to hear it anyway”, you said, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before straightening and standing behind him.

Rex took the shot and you all watched as the walker fell to the ground. “You were right, that was satisfying.”

***

You and Rex had decided to leave the quiet life behind for now and join the rebellion, after a bit of convincing from Ezra and Sabine that is. You had said your goodbyes to Wolffe and Gregor before you left.

“So, I guess this is goodbye then”, Wolffe said, looking a bit downcast.

You laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “For now, but we’ll all see each other again”, you said, giving him a reassuring smile.

He gave a breathy chuckle. “Did the force tell you that”, he asked sarcastically. He always loved messing with you like that.

You rolled your eyes. “No, but it didn’t need to, I just know. Besides, you guys can’t get rid of us that easily”, you said smirking at them.

Gregor came to stand beside you draping an arm over your shoulders. “Well good, because we don’t want to”, he said, smiling wide. You laughed. Gregor was always the one to lighten the mood, always the chipper one, and so damn optimistic that it almost annoyed you sometimes, but you had to love him for it. You loved all your boys for who they were and for what made them unique, this affection only grew after the war when you all decided to live together in seclusion, and you got to know them better.

During the war it always seemed like there wasn’t enough time to properly get to know all your men, especially the ones outside of the 501st, who you’d been more often affiliated with. However, on the rare occasions where you did work outside of your Legion you tried to widen your friend group, meeting other troopers and their commanding officers, befriending all who would have you. As a jedi you knew this wasn’t advised seeing as you were not to form attachments and all, but at the time you really didn’t care, still didn’t in fact, and looking back you were glad you hadn’t. You knew that throughout the war you would lose many of these friends, and it wouldn’t be easy, but you had accepted that and would take it in stride as it came, because in the end you knew that these friendships would do more good than hurt. Sometimes, a lot of times, all these men needed was a good friend, an ear to listen to the chaos within their minds after hard battles, and on occasion even a shoulder to cry on. You were willing to be all these things for them and did it with as much grace and kindness as you could. It was due to this that it was so easy for Wolffe and Gregor to trust you after the war. Even with their chips removed, they were still confused for a long while, not knowing who to trust but each other, but with you they found it to be much easier, remembering all the times you had been there for them and their men and knowing you would never do anything to betray their trust. Yes, you loved your newfound family, and you’d do anything to keep them safe, which is why you’d finally agreed to join the fight to take down the Empire, it was the only way to make sure they’d never come after your men again. Although, it was still hard to say goodbye.

You looked between the two men, an almost sad smile forming on your face and before you could even think you’d brought them both into a tight hug, one which they returned in kind. “Just don’t do anything too reckless while we’re gone, okay”, you requested, pulling back with a kind smile and wiping the tear that had fallen down your cheek away with your fingertips.

“We’ll do our best General”, Gregor stated with a nod. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him for addressing you by rank, you weren’t going to argue, not now.

Rex came to stand beside you, facing his brothers. “You both did excellent work today, I have no doubt you’ll handle yourselves in whatever is to come, but let’s hope you won’t have to”, he said with a grin, clapping them both on the shoulder.

“Well, if you ever need us, you know where to reach us”, Wolffe said, clamping his hand over Rex’s forearm, a gesture you had seen exchanged from brother to brother many times before, and it brought a warm feeling to your chest every time. Rex nodded before releasing them and bringing an arm to wrap around your waist, its constant home over the years. “You two stay safe alright? I don’t want to have to find replacements for you, not that there even is such a thing”, Wolffe said with a sideways grin.

You smiled at this and then straightened your posture, giving your men a formal salute and holding it, Rex following suit, standing in the same position beside you. The two commanders returned the salute. After a moment you relaxed and returned to a normal standing position, everyone else doing the same. “Until we see each other again”, you said.

“Until we see each other again”, the two men echoed your words simultaneously.

***

You had docked the rebel ship and were following the Ghost crew down the brightly lit hallways before turning a corner and coming to a stop. You knew before they parted to let you both pass who would be standing on the other side, you had felt her familiar force signature as soon as you had boarded.

Rex stepped forward first, walking toward the smiling togruta. “Commander”, he addressed his old friend. “You got old.”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Had to happen sometime Rex”, she replied. She looked hesitant for a moment before embracing him in a tight hug.

You watched the interaction between the two, smiling to yourself, realizing just how long it had been since you had seen your friend, it felt like ages now. As you were in this train of thought Ahsoka pulled back from the embrace and suddenly looked over his shoulder, something catching her eye. “(Y/N)”, she said, it almost came out as a sigh.

Ahsoka walked to you and pulled you into a tight embrace as well, which you happily returned. “Hey Ahsoka, it’s been a while”, you said with a laugh.

Releasing each other from the hug, you both looked at one another. “I think that’s a bit of an understatement”, she responded, giving a light laugh of her own before the two of you turned to Rex.

“We’re just glad you’re still alive”, he said to her. You put a hand on her shoulder, giving a confirming nod.

“You too”, she said, looking between you and Rex.

“Well, we wouldn’t be if it weren’t for these guys”, Rex stated, gesturing to the crew behind you.

“Thank you for trusting my friend”, Ahsoka said, seeming to direct her thanks mainly to Kanan, who was surprisingly much less angry than you last remember sensing.

“It wasn’t easy”, Kanan confessed to her, “It still isn’t.”

You and Rex shared a saddened glance and you silently wondered if Kanan would ever come around, but you also made the decision to try not and push the topic, not now at least.

“Nothing worth doing ever is”, Ahsoka told him, and with that you all walked to the command center, for a rebellion is not built on pleasantries.

***

After a brief discussion of the next course of action, you had been dismissed to settle in, and were led to the room that you and your husband would be sharing for the time being. Before you could even sit down there was a knock at the door and you were surprised to find it was Sabine, asking to borrow you for a little while. You had agreed, albeit a bit hesitantly, wondering what the young girl could possibly need you for, especially with that excited glint in her eye. You shrugged at your confused spouse before following her out of the room.

Awhile later you returned, quite pleased with the outcome of your little surprise endeavor with the Mandalorian girl, who was very happy with herself when all was said and done. You entered your shared quarters and stopped just after entering, letting the door slide shut behind you. This got Rex’s attention and he turned to you from where he was seated, his smile dropping as soon as he properly laid eyes on you, his features morphing into a look of shocked admiration, and quickly closed his mouth that had opened in a slight gape.

He blinked a few times before finally speaking. “Cyar’ika you look…”, he started to say, but found he couldn’t think of the proper word to articulate what he was thinking at the moment.

You smiled. “You like it”, you asked, bringing your hands up to touch your hair, which was now styled in a way that complemented the shape of your face perfectly and now sported dyed blue tips. Sabine had also given you a fresh pair of clothes that she thought would fit you nicely. They did fit, even though they were a bit tighter than you would’ve liked, and the cut on the long-sleeved top was a bit lower than you were used to, but it was still high enough for you to consider it conservative, well conservative enough. Although, with the way your husband was staring at you now, you were grateful for these aspects, seeing just how much he was appreciating the way the outfit hugged your curves by the way his eyes scanned you from head to foot.

He stood and walked the short distance to you, taking your hands in his. “Like it? I love it, you look absolutely stunning, downright delectable even”, he said with a wicked grin.

You smacked his chest lightly, shaking your head. “And here I thought I married and gentleman”, you said, not being able to hide the grin that was forming.

“Oh, you did, it’s just that you have this incredible talent of pushing me to my limit at times, especially when you come in looking like this”, he said, eyeing you up again.

You blushed under his gaze. “Well, at least I know I’ve still got it”, you said, giving him a playful smirk.

He suddenly pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist to keep you secure against him, your faces only inches apart now. “Cyare, you never lost it”, he said cocking an eyebrow as he continued to grin at you, and with that you pulled him into a loving kiss, one that he quickly leaned into and deepened.

You pulled away after a bit to make eye contact once more. Rex released one of his arms from around you to bring his hand up to your hair, lightly playing with the tips between his fingers. “I like the hair too, always did think this color suited you.”

You gave a slight shrug. “You know me, always more than willing to support my boys in blue.”

You both shared a small laugh before catching each other’s lips in another kiss, this one a bit more tender than the last.

“So is this a bad time to talk about how I might be wishing we'd rethought our decision about not having kids”, he asked in a low voice once you two parted from the kiss.

You blinked, surprised by the sudden shift in topics. “Umm, alright, what brought this on”, you asked.

He looked to the hand that was still playing with your hair, not wanting to make direct eye contact as he spoke his next words. “Well, it's just that, seeing you with Ezra earlier today, it made me realize, you'd make a great mother, and I almost feel like we've missed out on something special, and this isn’t exactly the first time the thought has crossed my mind. I’ve always wondered if we were making the right call not having a child of our own, but you seemed happy with our life together and I didn’t want you to ever feel pressured, I wanted it to be your choice, I still do.”

“Rex are you trying to tell me you want to have children”, you asked.

“Maybe, but not if you don’t, I mean… do you”, he asked, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Well, I won't say I've never thought about it, especially in the early years of our relationship. I'd often wonder what it would be like to have a little version of you running around."

“Or you”, he said with a smile.

You smile. “I guess it would be nice to have an addition to the family, and I'm sure the boys would make great uncles. Well, maybe with some supervision”, you say, chuckling out that last part.

“Really”, he asked, clearly a bit surprised by your response.

“Rex, I know I won't be able to keep you for as long as I'd like, I accepted that reality a long time ago”, you said, sliding your palm against his causing him to let go of the piece of hair he was still holding and intertwining your fingers with his, “but maybe if I have something of you left after, something we created together, then maybe I'll be able to continue on because I'll still be living for you, or at least a part of you." You were desperately trying to keep the tears you felt building behind your eyes from making their way out. You hated thinking about this, your husband’s shortened life span was never a topic you wanted to think about for too long, it was a reality you did not care to observe in your everyday life, but reality it was, and you knew someday you would have to face it. Just not today.

He pulled you closer with the arm still around your waist. “Oh Cyar'ika, I love you so much”, he said, kissing your forehead.

“And I love you, with all my heart.”

“So, we're really doing this then?”

You giggled at his noticeable excitement. “Yes, we're really doing this”, you confirmed. He then let go of your hand and cupped your cheek, pulling you into a kiss so full of love it nearly took the breath right out of you. You laughed once you managed to pull away again, trying to get your next thought out. “We can start trying when we have some time to ourselves.”

“We have time now”, he said, swiftly moving his hands to firmly grip your hips and pull you flush against him. Your senses left you for a second, heat rushing to your face and chest at the implication, before you were able to compose yourself.

You chuckled, coming back to your senses. “Actually, we don't. We've been asked to help pick the location for the rebel base. They figured since we were the ones to give the intel that we'd be able to find the safest place. I'm sure they've already started reviewing the list, so we'd better get going”, you said, a bit annoyed at the fact, there were much better things you could be doing, but you did promise to do whatever you could to help in this rebellion. Damn, why’d you always have to be the responsible one?

Rex broke you from your inner ramblings with another heated kiss that had you weak in the knees. “Alright fine, but tonight you're all mine”, he said against your lips.

“Deal. Now let's go, we're late”, you said, still smiling like a lovesick teenager and reluctantly pulling away from his embrace, which he did not want to make easy, but eventually gave in and released you.

As you made your way to the door, trying to compose yourself once again, he spoke. “Hopefully soon you'll be the one who’s late”, he said, taking you by surprise yet again.

You turned and raised an eyebrow at him and jokingly asked, “Okay, who are you, and where is the Rex I married?”

He laughed, coming to stand in front of you and leaning in slightly. “What can I say cyar’ika, you’ve made me bold”, he said, giving you a mischievous smile.

You shake your head and opened the door, taking him by the hand and leading him out into the corridor. “Alright, alright. Come on Stud, we have to go”, you said and began making your way to the bridge of the ship, “and save the dirty talk for tonight okay?” You grinned at him over your shoulder, continuing to pull him along.

He smiled and quickened his stride to walk alongside you, lacing his fingers with yours. “Yes Ma’am”, he responded softly.

You couldn’t seem to keep the smile off your face, for several reasons. The main two being that you knew you had quite the night ahead of you, thank the force for the private quarters, and you were thrilled at the idea of having Rex’s child. You weren’t sure what this new future would hold for the both of you, but you were ready to find out.

[moral-turpitudes]

The Bodyguard:

Masterlist | Rules | Peaky Prompts

Trigger Warnings: None really tbh.

Characters: Ada Shelby x Female!Reader

Word Count: 1,358

Requested: Yes, by anon. You can find it here.

“You sure you’re okay with her? You don’t want a male bodyguard?” Linda asked as she helped Ada with the cooking for the family meeting that was soon approaching.

“I’m sure. Women can be deadly too, don’t worry love.” Ada snidely remarked as she went to set the table.

It had been two weeks since she’d moved to London and due to her brother Thomas’ “business affairs” he’d urged her to move. But being as she hated how he made his blood-money, she agreed. Just longingly wishing her husband would’ve been there with her. To see the Shelby family grow, to see their son Karl grow, to laugh with him like she used to. It’s in those little moments that she missed him the most, knowing her true love would never walk through that ornate wooden door.

With a loud ringing, the doorbell signaled she was there.

Ada’s nerves set in slightly as she’d remembered why she picked her. Out of all the people she inquired about in regards to her protection, she just didn’t get along with any of the men that Tommy had proposed.

She was the last guard to come in, earning a confused glance from the men as she fired some warning shots at a target. Out of the Shelby’s Ada was the only one in attendance, since she’d have to deal with the person who’d probably have to save her life after all. The least she could do was choose wisely.

She’d walked in with heels that had a thin layer of the Birmingham mud caked on them. She’d walked from her secret home there to where Ada was gathered. Her hair tied back as she adjusted the long coat around her waist. Her eyes were cold and calculating, just like her brothers. But she had an endearing smile, one that could easily sucker people in if they weren’t careful.

“Y/N…hello it’s great to see you. Shall I show you to your room?” Ada asked as Linda skeptically stared from the kitchen.

“That would be lovely. Thank you.” You said, your eyes shifting from Linda and onto the staircase. The steps creaked as they aged. The nails rusted and loose, posing a definite hazard.

“I’ll fix those for you. Doubt they’ve been fixed in ages.” You said as Ada opened the door to the rather lavish space.

“Oh you don’t, they’re nothing really.” She said, her hand skimming yours slightly as she stepped closer to you.

“You’ll trip and hurt yourself. May even get an infection from the rusted nails…it’s part of my job description you know.” You said with a half smile, looking her in the eyes as she scoffed slightly.

“What’s in the job description? being a handy-woman?” Ada asked with a smile, her eyes locking with yours.

“No. A bodyguard. I’m hyper aware of my surroundings and therefore yours too. I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t need me.” You said taking your long black coat off revealing a gun on each side of your hips, the metal glinting in the soft warm light of the room.

“You’ve killed someone?” Ada asked nervously. Never knowing who or what could show up at her door.

“Mhmm. Some with my bare hands…others with these two. They’re my best friends aye?” You said patting the guns lightly as they were strapped in tight.

“May I ask why?” Ada inquired. Her heart racing a little as she watched Y/N sling the gun from the holster and check the bullets.

“One tried to hurt me. One got in my way. One was a hit, and one was just for fun.” You said shortly, not wanting to get into many of the details. Life hit you hard ever since you were young, but you hit back harder. Your father not shying away from teaching you the ropes when it came to defending yourself. Most of the women you knew couldn’t form their fist the right way to give a good punch. You mastered it at twelve.

“Did you go to France?” Ada asked, a lump forming in her throat as she remembered how broken her brothers were when they’d gotten home.

You smirked and shook your head no.

“I was elsewhere at the time. On a long vacation you could say.” You said, thinking about how you’d fled from your life in Europe as soon as tensions started to rise. It was the one thing your father told you before he got called to war. He told you to never get caught up in it. To go where you’re safe.

“You we’re running from something aye?” Ada said her eyes lowering as she realized she probably pried to much.

“I’m sorry I-“ Ada started to say before you cut her off.

“It’s fine love. I uh, moved out there I guess. Things were tense back home ya know?” You said trying to quickly sum up the conversation.

“Where’d you learn to…do what you do?” Ada asked sitting on the bed next to you, her hand going to yours without realizing it.

“I made a few acquaintances in the states. I helped out at a speakeasy in Chicago in turn for a bit of money and some self defense skills.” You said.

“I see.” Ada said, releasing your hand as she’d heard a loud banging on the door.

“You expecting anyone?” You asked, your hand going for your gun as you hesitated at the stairs.

“Not right now, no.” Ada said, following behind you as you snuck down. Trying to transfer your weight evenly among the rickety stairs, just barely avoiding the rusted nails.

When you reached for the door, you were quickly met with a cold stare coming from a rather average sized man. It seemed as if there was pain hidden in the bright blue waters of his eyes. That he’d seen what no one should have seen. Done things no one should have done. And you knew it all too well.

Your hand was already out, the barrel pointing harshly at his forehead as you heard Ada screaming behind you.

“Y/N no! No he’s fine. That’s my brother. I’m sorry. Let’s get back inside.” She said ushering you both in from the cold draft of the door.

“I see you have your new bodyguard aye?” He asked, a smirk forming on his lips. The man didn’t even flinch when you’d pressed the barrel to his skin.

“Yes…I’m Y/N nice to meet you…?” You said hesitantly. Ada neglected to mention her brothers name.

“Thomas Shelby. Ada’s brother. Nice gun.” He said, pointing to the silver chunk of metal in your hand that was still clenched tightly in preparation.

“Thank you.” You said, walking over to Ada as she embraced Karl. Linda came in from the kitchen earning a sigh from Thomas and an eye roll from Ada.

“Oi I say we get this over with. I have people to do and places to be!” Arthur said loudly from the front door, winking at Linda as he and the rest of the crew barged in at once.

You tensed up slightly as you heard their yelling. Ada not looking scared in the least.

“Aye, Y/N. Put the gun down. It’s alright.” Thomas said, slowly approaching you as you lowered it warily.

“Those are our brothers…Ada didn’t tell you?” He asked.

“No. Fucking christ Ada…” You said, putting your gun back as the once happy men stood frozen as you’d still had the gun out.

“Sorry.” She whispered, earning a slight chuckle from Thomas.

“Well before you shoot up all of London’s men, let’s get this meeting going.” Thomas said as Ada ushered everyone to the dining room.

“Everyone this is Y/N. Ada’s new bodyguard.” Thomas said, Arthur warily looking at you as you sat down next to Ada.

“I hope she likes being bored then. She’s a real snooze-fest that one.” Arthur said, nudging Ada in the shoulder as she slapped his arm.

“I don’t plan on it. But only time will tell aye?” You said, raising a glass of wine to your lips as you began your new and rather exciting job of protecting Ada.

[kenmei]

-ˏˋ FOREVER N THEN SOME! ˊˎ-

♡ gn!reader x kozume kenma

cw: pinch of angst (to fluff !!!), romance, slice of life, crying, established relationship!au, timeskip!au

synopsis: in which he’s actually more traditional than he leads on

wc: 2000+

notes from mei!

ive had this idea rattling around my skull for the longest time

sixteen and a handshake. a standard, normal handshake, but still awkward.

you remember how his hand perfectly fit with yours—how his palms were searing hot as they met with your much colder ones.

you remember him, as a second-year, as the setter for the team you cheered for from the stands. you remember his flushed cheeks when you kissed him on the cheek for a first time, watching as his brain malfunctioned as the rosy hues on his face spread to his neck and the tips of his ears.

you remember him, as the captain, worn out and exhausted at your doorstep.

you recall how he slumped onto you, making you somewhat drag him to your room. half because he really was that tired, and half for his own amusement.

you know him. you know him a bit too well and it’s both a blessing and curse.

because you wonder if he’s finally grown out of it—of this.

looking at the empty spot beside you, you think that, perhaps, he really has—the signs are staring right at you. lately, you’ve been sleeping in a cold bed, waking up to yet again another empty penthouse as you figure he’s at the office again.

(you hope he’s at the office, at least).

texts replies are always hours apart. it seems like he’s been doubling up on streams. friday’s that have always been reserved for two since forever, have only had one person attending these past few weeks.

this is sad, your chest clenches dejectedly at yet another morning where it’s only you. looking around, a part of you wishes that kenma’s actually here, that any second now, he’s going to emerge from his game room, rubbing his eyes tiredly as he scratches his tummy.

because even if you both don’t talk as much as you used to, it’s enough for you simply when he’s present. it’s enough for you when he mutters a good morning, waddling past you to go make his coffee before sitting on the couch.

it’s enough for you when he’s here.

the absolute bare minimum can make you the happiest, but you wonder if even that is too much.

twenty-four and you’re still overthinking.

“just talk to him!” your friends say, but truly it isn’t that easy. even if you’ve both promised to be better at communicating, something about this whole situation makes communication feel so much more difficult.

“you’ve been together for so long, you both still aren’t married?” if you’re being honest, it does bother you sometimes and you wonder if maybe, you should just get on one knee instead.

but you don’t. you don’t because you and kenma already both live(d) like you’re married. you both still share(d) that dynamic of being a laid-back couple who deals with problems as they come.

you don’t think about marriage with him because it already feels right. you don’t mind not getting married and honestly, you’re pretty sure kenma isn’t that kind of guy.

you’re startled by someone poking the side of your head.

your head turns to see kenma, brows slightly furrowed as he analyzes you.

you shake your head, sitting up straight on the couch. “’what’s u—wait, aren’t you supposed to be streaming right now?”

kenma nods his head, plopping into the spot next to you. “ended early. chat was being rude today.”

your head bobs in understanding as you try to find words to piece together. he must be frustrated, you know a little bit about how difficult it can get as a streamer and you also know him, that if he doesn’t want to be near you or hear you, he simply wouldn’t be.

you smile slightly, “t—”

“why are you so tense?” he questions, leaning back. his eyes study you and you feel like hiding.

“’m not.” you defend, shrinking.

“you are.” he replies, “what’s wrong?”

you hum, grabbing a throw pillow and falling onto your side, opposite from him. “class was hard today. your paparazzi found me at the grocery store—”

“that happened last week.”

you groan, because fuck, you really can’t lie to him. he’s too good at getting you to open up, no matter how hard you resist it.

“it’s stupid.” you pout, covering your face with the pillow, already feeling your wound up emotions spiraling back up to the surface.

kenma’s hand lands on your legs, situating them over his lap. he pats the side your calves, humming. “talk to me.”

“what about you?” genuinely, you feel like right now isn’t the best time to talk about this. “you were just telling me about how your chat was being rude!”

“that can wait.” he replies, patient, like he’s always been. “something’s been bothering you, no?”

yes. you think. but i don’t wanna talk to you about it ‘cuz i’m scared.

“are you tired...” fuck, you think, because once again, he’s getting you to talk. “of—of me?”

he’s always been good at this. somehow always getting you to say whatever’s clogging up your mind. he reads you like an open book and you hate it, because even after all these years, it’s still scary.

it’s daunting, because he knows so much about you. if he wanted to, he could pick you apart all too easily, knowing exactly what buttons to push to make you break and that’s scary. it’s terrifying, even.

you feel his hand, as warm as they’ve always been, slide under the bottom of your loose pajama pants, warming up your ice cold skin.

and the feeling is weird, because you feel like you’re on fire, yet his hand is still so much warmer than you.

it’s comforting. you’ve both always been touch-starved and kenma knows this, he knows this as he traces small shapes on your calves, the hem of your pants riding up a bit.

“why would i be tired of you?” he mumbles, eyes moving to see your face is still very much covered with the pillow.

you shrug, leg twitching under his feathery touch. “you’ve been distant and stuff... i dunno.”

and it feels like he’s back at square one with you. kenma feels like an idiot for not realizing sooner, cursing himself for being so caught up with work (and something else) that he’s been neglecting you.

you’ve always been a bit of a crybaby, only him and your close friends know this.

he notes that you tend to cry even when you both have the smallest fights, and it’s something he’s used to.

so to know that you’re holding everything in, it makes his chest tighten.

“i’m sorry, angel.” he says, quiet. “work’s been busy.”

yes, work is busy. even if he finds it enjoyable, it can get taxing sometimes. but he’s also been looking around for something, something that he needs perfect.

“‘s okay.” you mumble and he knows he’s fucking up even more. “i just miss you.”

he tugs on the bottom of your shirt, “c’mere.”

you shake your head and he ponders on what to do.

because even now, even though you’ve both been together for so long that existing with the other is literally needed, there are times when you both get stuck—where existing together feels more complex than it should ever be.

“please,” he pleads softly, “i miss you.”

and if you’re not gonna come to him, he’ll come to you.

so he leans down, forcing you to hold a bit of his weight as he lays atop you. he pulls the pillow away, wiping the few tears away with his thumb.

he kisses your cheek.

twenty-four, you let yourself cry because you’ve missed him so much. seeing other in the evenings or exchanging a few short words doesn’t do it for you anymore, it never will.

another kiss, but on the other cheek. i’m sorry.

another for your forehead, then one more on your nose. i love you.

your hands cling to him and he smiles, caressing your hair. his head lays in the juncture of your neck, frequently wiping your tears with his thumb.

he makes you sit up, only because he wants to hold you.

with your back to his chest, his warm hand envelopes yours. he doesn’t make you face him, because he knows that wouldn’t make you feel comfortable. 

it’s only when he hears your crying subside, that he holds your chin, making you look him in the eyes.

“are we okay?” he mumbles, his lips so close to yours you can feel his breath.

it still gets to you. he still gets to you like you’re both still teenagers; your heart thumps in your ears, body burning because fuck, he’s really close to kissing your lips.

you nod, “’m sorry. didn’t wanna talk to you ‘cuz i was scared.”

his lips slot against yours and it’s gentle, your mind becomes fuzzy with a warmth only kenma can provide you. he chuckles when he pulls away, your lips chasing his.

“don’t worry about that,” he says softly, “i might’ve accidentally made it harder to approach me.”

you shake your head. “thought it was just my overthinking.” you fiddle with your fingers, “i didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it.”

“next time,” he says, “make a big deal out of it. you gotta talk to me, angel.”

you whine, feeling embarrassed because you’ve gotten this lecture from him so many times.

kenma sighs against your skin, wondering if now is the right time. it feels like a good time, but he doesn’t want to waste a special moment because of a good feeling.

“what’s wrong, ken?” you ask, tilting your head back onto his shoulder.

your eyes are red, you’re still sniffling every now and then.

he smiles, hand travelling to his pocket as he pulls out the ring, holding it in front of you. “this is why i was so busy. t—the box is in my gaming room, though, fuck—”

“is that—”

“w—wanna get married, y/n?” his whole face is red. you giggle at his shaking hand as you hold out your own (shaking) hand.

“yeah. i really wanna.”

and you’re crying again as he slips the ring on your finger. the diamonds sparkles at you and you can’t help but fawn over the ring as you sob.

“crybaby.” he mumbles, kissing your cheek. he nuzzles into your neck, arms wrapped tightly around your midsection. “i love you.”

and it’s here you realize that kenma is a lot more traditional than you thought. memories flood in of him always getting you to watch the first snow with him through his window, forcing you under the kotatsu with him as he shows you a new game he started playing.

eighteen. for your two year anniversary, he took you to a place with love locks. signing one off with you before throwing the key god knows where. and you remember thinking it’s weird, because the month before that, he was telling you stuff like that is kinda phony. 

nineteen. you recall him grumbling about getting into a yukata for the festival, but grumbling even more when you gave in and said you’d both attend in normal clothing, because he’s already halfway in the yukata, why would he change? (he just wanted to wear one with you).

twenty-two. his persistence to keep you awake to watch the sun rise on new years.

you realize kenma follows traditions more than you do and you chuckle.

giggling, you hold your hand out where the diamonds on your left ring finger shine happily, tilting your head to kiss him yet another time.

“i love you.”

change. you know your daily lives aren’t going to be much different, but you both like how your last name will be the same as his.

twenty-four. he proposes to you so casually that some might find it weird. but you both aren’t ones for big gestures. you know kenma loves you, it’s in the way he moves your hair out of your face as he asks you if he can still make it up to you.

and he knows you love him, when you laugh and tell him he already has—when you intertwine your fingers with his and kiss the top of his hand, kenma knows and you know, too.

forever it is.

[pocketfulofrogers]

To Outlive the Devil

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Summary: A good save and a case practically solved leads to intelligence almost losing one of their own. Can you get out before it’s too late?

Notes: Canon violence, nothing worse than a typically dark episode. This is a past and present cut together story and it’s just shy of 4k. 

Now

Your bleary eyes open up to a cold and damp bedroom. An abandoned… apartment? The peeling wallpaper had given way to yellow stained drywall. From the small window on your left, it appeared as if you were several stories in the air, but there were no distinguishable landmarks that told you if you were even still in Chicago.

As you begin to come to your senses more, you feel the thick rope tied around your wrists and ankles. The rough material burns against you skin and you notice you already have sores.

How long have I been here?

Your memory is fuzzy and your head throbbed violently. It isn’t until you shift uncomfortably that you realize it’s a heavy metal chair you’re tied to.

Slowly your body begins to pick up on the danger your muddled brain had managed to identify and your pulse begins to quicken. As much as you try, your heartbeat continues to pound in your head as you try to twist your arms free.

The pain that responds is only a small price to pay for even the chance of freedom. Desperately, you continue to twist and pull until one of the knots manages to loosen up enough for you to squeeze your hand out. It’s just a short sprint to the front door in front of you.

You will your frozen fingers to work faster as you pinch and tear at each knot and then internally scream at your stiff muscles to carry you forward just a little bit more.

When your hand reaches the doorknob and it isn’t locked, relief floods your system. But when you’re able to wrench the door open, the person behind the door barely registers in your mind before everything goes black once again.

Then

Jay leans against his fist on his desk and tries to keep his frustration at bay. They’d been at this for two days straight and had been on the case for the last three months. “That’s two bodies in as many weeks. Is no one else starting to think…”

“That maybe hunting Chicago’s very own Criminal Minds level serial killer couple is out of our depth?” You interrupt, tilting your head towards him. “Doubt it.”

In fact, over the last two weeks, it’s the only thing you could think about. A younger woman named Madison roped, at least you were hoping she wasn’t a willing participant, into a horrific and violent life by a man you had yet to learn the identity of. You’d spent many nights pacing your bedroom, ranting and theorizing to Jay when all he wanted was just a bit of sleep.

The further you dove into it, however, the less hopeful you became for a quick arrest.

Voight had about ripped your head off when you suggested passing the case to the FBI and got to hear the ‘this is our city’ speech once again. But the truth was you were running out of ideas, running out of leads to chase down the rabbit hole, and running out of time.

“I hate to say it, but Voight’s right.” Antonio almost looks pained, but he continues on before you can question him. “The first time these two surfaced five years ago, CPD went full force. They shut it all down, had every uniform pulling overtime, and tried to smoke them out. Instead, it scared them into hiding.”

“Five girls in three months, Dawson, they’re escalating.” You take a breath before looking him in the eyes. “I can’t keep notifying parents.” There’s a certain pang in your voice only those who have had to watch a parent’s life crumble around them can hear. Jay reaches out to squeeze your forearm for just a bit of comfort and you run your fingers over his.

It’s enough.

“Then we end this.” Voight’s eyeing you, sympathetic to where you’re coming from, but not willing to give up yet. “Let’s find these monsters and make them pay.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you nod and turn to Adam. “Ok, let’s go over everything together, see if we can find something we missed.”

“Since it’s all we have, let’s revisit the address on Madison’s unemployment file.” Jay suggests.

Adam looks confused. “The house was condemned last year, torn down in the spring.”

“I know, but what about the name on the house, did anyone look into it?”

“Figured it was a stolen identity.” Kevin pipes up. “Clara Knight, died in 2012 of a heart attack at 66. No other properties in her name.”

“Knight?” Mouse perks up and starts shifting through his files. “I found a few erased emails from a Robert Knight, but I couldn’t find any relation or connection.”

Adam is already typing ferociously. “Got a death certificate for a Robert Knight, 68, died a few months ago. Seems like the guy barely existed.”

“Any children?”

“A daughter.” His face is grim. “Murdered in 99, she was 16.”

The hairs on the back of your neck prickle. “Pull up a picture of her.” You don’t need to see it to confirm what you already feared, but still the image of her face churns your stomach. A beautiful blonde girl with the hope of the whole world in her smile. “He’s been at this a lot longer than anyone thought.”

“Any property still in his name?” Voight asks.

Anxiety rippling through your chest, it feels like an eternity before Mouse nods. “His nephew Isaac put his house in Roseland on a tax form.”

Now

When you come to, the first thing you notice is that your restraints have been changed to zip ties and for a moment you’re concerned about your circulation. You’re worry is cut short by the cup of water on a table to your right, the plastic straw close enough for you to reach it.

The sudden realization of the searing pain in your throat and the cracked skin on your lips lets you know it’s probably been about two days. It’s the dryness of your tongue that overrides every single rational thought of concern that maybe the glass beside you isn’t safe to drink. But, fifteen minutes pass with no incident so whoever it is probably wants to keep you alive.

The thought sends ice down your back.

Alive for what?

“What do you want from me?” You scream into the empty apartment.

Then

“We need a vacation after this.” Jay declares as he leans the seat of the car back a little. “Somewhere warm with water so I can look at you in a tiny bathing suit all day.”

You roll your eyes, but he doesn’t miss the small smile you give before bringing the binoculars up again. “We’ll see what we can do about that.”

“Hey lovebirds.” Adam calls over the radio from the car down the street from yours. “Have you seen anything yet or are you too busy staring into each other’s eyes again?”

It’s Jay’s turn to roll his eyes. “Didn’t you just take your third piss break?”

“Hydration is very important.” He defends.

“I told him to wear the diapers.” Alvin adds. Adam tries to defend himself, but you can barely hear him over Kevin’s laughter next to him.

Just then, out of the corner of your eye, you see the movement of a curtain, the flash of blonde hair, and the air shifts. Jay immediately catches the tense set of your shoulders and starts asking questions.

“They’ve got a girl up there.” You tell him through gritted teeth.

“Are you sure? I didn’t see anything.”

You nod and get out of the car despite the hushed protests from Jay as he follows you. To do what? You weren’t sure yet but you had felt so powerless these last few months that maybe you weren’t being the most rational right now.

The curtain moves again and, rather than getting caught, you quickly spin around and push Jay against the car before crashing your lips to his. Other than a noise of shock sounding from the back of his throat, he doesn’t miss a beat.

“North corner window.” You mumble against his lips and slide your hands up his chest, tilting your head to the side to give him a better angle.

When he pulls away, he brings his phone up and looks you in the eye. “We’ve got confirmation on the nephew Isaac, but he’s got another girl up there. If we bust in, he might get spooked and hurt her.”

It’s quiet longer than either of you would like.

“What should we do, boss?” Adam asks for you.

“Do you think you can get in quietly?” Voight asks.

Jay waits for your nod. “We’re on it. Going silent.”

Picking the lock was nothing. Sneaking around a house you know nothing about except for a quick glance at a blueprint from 2005 was the difficult part. Jay splits the two of you up, sending you upstairs while he clears the lower level. Circumstance didn’t allow you the option to argue with him that splitting up in a situation like this is the worst thing to do.

He was your partner and it was your job to always have his back, as difficult as he makes it, but he’s rounded a corner into the living room before you get the chance to cuff him to you.

Your breath catches in your throat when a step on the stairs creak, but you keep moving until you find a girl in the second room you clear. She’s blind folded with on leg tied to the bed. She tenses when you approach, but relaxes once you’ve gotten close enough to whisper who you are.

“Tracey.” She says he name with a whimper and your heart breaks as you cut the rope and take off her blindfold.

When she sees you’re really who you say you are, she throws herself into your arms and begins to cry. There’s nothing more you want to do than to sit here and comfort her, but your ears picks up on a man’s voice you don’t recognize.

“Ok, Tracey, I know you’re so scared, and I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, but I need you to be brave a little longer.” You pull back and look her in the eyes. “My partner and I came in here alone. I need you to tell me where the man and woman who took you are.”

She nods. “I don’t know where she went, she left a while ago. He’s here, downstairs I think, in his office.”

There’s a crash downstairs, the sound of broken glass and your blood runs cold. Immediately, you look for any other way out, but there’s nothing. No balcony, no window, nothing. Voight’s on the radio already, but you silence him.

“Stay directly behind me.” There’s a kind of urgency in your voice that puts her even more on edge.

Creeping down the stairs, you can hear Jay struggling in the kitchen, but it sounds like he’s holding his own.

“Bringing the girl out.” You whisper into your radio and glance back at Tracey. “As soon as we get down, I want you to run to the door. Do not stop. When you get across the street there are people who will help you.” She nods but she looks terrified. “I swear I won’t let him get anywhere near you.”

It’s the door opening that alerts Isaac that something else is going on. You round the corner with your gun drawn and the scene before you makes your knees weak.

Jay is bruised and cut up, struggling against the man behind him, the arm around his neck, the gun pointed at his head.

“She said you were cops, but I told her she was paranoid.” Isaac snarls.

“Madison? Is she here?” You ask, your voice as level as your gun trained on his head. Voight is yelling over the radio, but you tune him out. “I’d love to meet her.”

He snickers and smiles wickedly. “Even if she could be caught, neither of you will be alive long enough to see it.”

He only manages a twitch before you pull the trigger and land a shot right between his eyes.

Jay falls forward, breathing heavy and you rush towards him. “Jay’s hurt!” You call out when the door is broken down. Adam kicks the gun away from the obviously dead suspect and you let them handle the scene.

“Where does it hurt? Did you get hit? I told you it was stupid to split us up! How’s your breathing?” Your hands are frantically searching every inch of his body. He has to grab your hand and grip it tight in his to stop the assault of questions rapid firing from your lips.

He sits up with a groan and kisses your knuckles when he sees the panic on your face. “I’m okay. Because of you it’s just a few cuts and bruises.” He manages a smile and you almost cry right there.

Voight places a hand on your shoulder. “Tracey is on her way to Med. Medics said she’s going to be okay. We’ve got another bus on the way for you. Nice work you two.”

Now

The creak from the front door opening pulls you from a daze and you wince at the sunlight flooding the room. A blonde woman stands before you with a duffle in her left hand and a gun in her right.

She tilts her head to the side. “You’re still alive. What a shame.”

You struggle to focus your eyes from the concussion you’re assuming she must’ve given you. “Maddison.” You croak out. “What are you doing?”

She drops the duffle next to you and grips your hair to pull your head back, pushing the barrel of the gun into your temple.

“I’m going to make you suffer.” She hisses and roughly lets you go. “I tried to warn him that you were watching us, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“Isaac?”

“Don’t say his name!” She screams and the sound cracks through your skull. “He told me to get some supplies, but when I cam back, I watched from the back window as you murdered him.”

You shake your head and try to reason with her. “Maddison, he was hurting people. He was going to kill my partner.”

“Partner.” She repeats sarcastically. “You mean Jay Halstead, your boyfriend of 3 years?” Maddison moves in front of you to revel in the fear that has filled your eyes and smiles sinisterly. “Yeah, I know who he is.”

You start quickly, the panic in your voice betraying the training you were struggling to hold onto. “If you want to kill me fine, do it. But don’t hurt him, Maddison. Please, he’s done nothing.”

She tsks as she opens the duffle and begins to pull out long metal pieces until finally, a long-barreled shot gun. “Why would I kill you when the alternative is so much better?”

You begin to struggle against the restraints as your mind starts to put together scenario after scenario of awful images. Maddison pays no mind to you begging and pleading to see reason. Instead, she pauses from building some contraption to walk over to you and jam a needle in your neck.

When you come too again, she’s sat casually in front of you. “I thought hitting you in the head again might actually kill you, and that’s not what I’m going for, so… you’re welcome.”

You glance around again and notice the barrel of the shotgun behind you just to the left of your shoulder. “Yeah, thanks.” You deadpan looking back at her. “What’s with the ‘Saw’ set up?”

She raises a brow. “Hold onto that strength while you can.” She points out the wires and hooks running along the floor and ceiling to trace it back to the door in front of you. “I used to be a STEM major. Did you know that?” She doesn’t stop long enough for you to respond. “Turns out I still remember a few things.”

You stare past her towards the door and then look quickly back to the gun, beginning to piece together her plan.

“Yes.” She coos. “It’s exactly what you’re thinking. The first person that opens that door, if he happens to be the right height, will get a life ending shot to the face. And I’d like to ask you what the chances are that anyone other than your boyfriend will be the first through the door.”

None.

For the first time you feel utterly defeated, hopeless. Madison watches closely, soaking in every moment of your anguish.

“Now you’ll know what it feels like.”

Then

You phone buzzes for the fourth time in the last hour. “Yes?”

“He’s actually insufferable, where are you?” Will speaks quickly, his tone seeping in irritation.

You laugh. “April already sent me out to get him food because he was whining so much. I am in route with a burger and some other stuff from his favorite place. Should be there in 15.”

“Thank god.” He says quietly. “Would you give it a rest? She’s 15 out with enough food to hopefully put you in a coma so I don’t have to.” You laugh as Will continues to yell at his brother.

“I almost died! Where’s your compassion?” You hear Jay yell back and only laugh harder

“You have ONE bruised rib and a concussion. I’ve seen high school football players handle worse with less complaining!”

“If it’s not so bad, why won’t you let me leave?!”

“I’m stepping up the pace, be there soon.” You laugh and hang up.

The Chicago night was chilly, but something else causes the hairs on the back of your neck begin to prickle. You don’t stop walking, don’t even pause a single step. Instead, you glance in a shop window and catch the reflection of a woman, a flash of blonde, not too far behind you.

Casually, you switch the bag of food to your other hand, but before you’re able to grab your gun, there’s a pinch in your neck and everything goes black.

Now

Jay had forced his way back to work sooner than anyone recommended. You’d been missing for 5 days. Disappeared with no trace other than your cell phone and a bag of cold diner food spilt on the sidewalk. If it were up to him, he would’ve been at his desk the moment 30 minutes hit and you weren’t there.

Alvin called two hours later telling him what they found and Adam and Antonio had to physically restrain him, Will almost sedated him. Voight promised him that they’d find you, and Jay knew they’d do everything they could, but he needed to be a part of the search.

“Did she have any enemies?” Alvin asks and he doesn’t flinch when Jay begins to laugh sarcastically.

“Any enemies? Do you hear yourself? She had tons. We all do. But let’s stop pretending like her being taken the day we closed that case isn’t connected.”

Alvin tries to sympathize with him. “We have to ask. You know the drill.”

He throws his hands up in exasperation. “Are you seriously going to treat this like any other missing person? It’s Y/N, Al! Y/N!”

“We know.” Voight says from his office door. “I made a few calls, Jay, we know where she is.” For a fraction of a second, Jay is frozen, but the thought of what you could be going through right now moves him. He’s grabbed his jacket and is in the car before anyone else has moved.

“I thought only the CIA had access to things like that.” Adam whispers lowly in the car into Kevin’s ear.

He shrugs. “Do think it’s out of the question that he’d break several constitutional laws to save any one of us?”

Adam sits back in his seat with pursed lips, nodding.

You struggle against the restraints long after Madison leaves you with only a gag in your mouth. The multiple cars pulling up and all the people shouting told you that you were running out of time. As of this very moment, you were locked into your fate of watching the man you loved die.

This was not an option.

The hard plastic digs into your ankles and wrists, your movements quickening with each door you hear them break down. You try to scream, to warn whoever was on this floor that there was a danger they couldn’t possibly see, but your muffled cries wouldn’t carry.

Tears soak the bandana shoved in in your mouth and you try to scream again.

No! Stop! It isn’t safe!

You hear Voight’s voice a few doors down and begin to try and rock the chair back and forth. It was considered heavy for a good day, and today was not that. Having not eaten or really moved in so long had left you weak and foggy. The adrenaline coursing through you veins only aiding a little in your efforts.

The sound of the front door breaking down sends a jolt of energy through you and you send yourself flying in front of the gun just as the bedroom door opens.

Jay raises his weapon at the sound before his brain can register what has happened. His wide eyes find yours just before you’ve hit the ground.

“Y/N!” He screams and rushes towards you. Frantic, shaky hands move quickly to remove the bandana and zip ties before applying pressure to your shoulder. “I need a medic!” He calls franticly over his shoulder, but when he turns back to you, he has to shut down the thought that you might not make it that long.

“You found me.” You try to say, but instead sputter blood onto your cheek.

“Oh, God.” He gasps. “You’re okay, you’re going to be fine.” But the more he says, the less you hear him.

“I love you.” You try to reach out to his face and graze his cheek, but your fingers won’t cooperate and only leave smudges of blood across his skin.

When your breathing starts to quicken and become more raged, he knows time is running out. So, in defiance of the orders and suggestions coming in through his ear piece, he lifts you up to cradle you to him and runs.

**

An annoying, incessant beeping is the only thing you can hear, but when you move to reach for it, a shooting pain stops you cold. You groan softly and pry your eyes open only to see both Will and Antonio hovering too close to your face.

Will starts to wave a flashlight in your eyes and you push him away. “When was the last time you guys brushed your teeth?”

Antonio chuckles softly and places his hand atop your head, his thumb brushing softly. “We got her.” He says quietly. “She couldn’t help herself. She stayed close to the scene to see the fallout and Kim caught her.”

Will nods his head towards Jay who was sleeping soundly in what you had to imagine was a very uncomfortable position. “We’ve been keeping an eye on him as well as you. Do you want me to wake him?”

You look back over at him and smile before turning back. “Better not. These are the last few moments of peace I’ll get for the next year at least. You would think someone would be a little more grateful towards you for saving their life, but I can already hear how mad he’s going to be.” Only a small part of you is joking.

“Well, I’ll get shot next time and we’ll see how you feel.” Jay’s sleep riddled voice carries from the corner, but he hasn’t opened his eyes yet. “I’ll give you an hour.” He adds before settling back in.

Now that’s the love of my life.

[k-l-bryan]

After Epilogue

*Crow x Young Wolf (wrote them vague, so readers can visualize their own Guardians), set shortly after the end of the Epilogue mission.  I hope you enjoy it.*

“I thought . . .”

Ghost, who had been floating lazily over his Guardian’s shoulder as they kept an eye on the Eliksni camp from a hidden vantage point at Ikora’s request, turned to look at them.  He knew how hard it was for his Guardian to express themselves, so he waited in patient silence for them to continue.

“I thought the Vex invasion was when I was going to die.”

Oh!  Oh . . . Ghost’s shell quivered slightly as he thought back to their discovery in the Corridor’s of Time and Saint’s accompanying eulogy.  The thought of loosing his Guardian gave him an unpleasant feeling.  He supposed it would be comparable to what people called heartbreak.  He only hoped that when that terrible day came; no matter how close or far away it was, that he would go out with them; like Sundance did with Cayde.

The shudder wasn’t missed by the Guardian, who gave him a small, sad smile and reached up to cup him in their hands.  They guided him down gently out of the air and placed a kiss atop one of his fins before nestling him into their collar.

“I’m glad you didn’t” Ghost replied quietly, expanding and contracting his shell a few times, like a cat stretching before making itself comfortable.  “And I hope that day is a long, long way off.”

The Guardian didn’t reply to that, and as Ghost turned his core to look up at them, he could tell by their expression that they felt the opposite was true.  As they sat and continued their silent vigil, Ghost found himself wishing Crow was there.  Almost everyone who knew his Guardian knew them as the legendary Young Wolf; Hero of the Red War.  They didn’t see the tired person behind all the titles and accolades, the person who seemed to always have the weight of the world on their shoulders.  Crow did though.  Crow saw them as his friend who he got drunk with and made fun of their awful cooking skills.

“What are you thinking about?” Wolf asked after a long period of silence, broken by the occasional howl of wind or smattering of distant chatter.

“Just, how I wish you had someone here to talk to . . . like another Guardian,” Ghost said tactfully, his optics glowing a little.

“Another Guardian meaning Crow?” Wolf replied, more as a statement than a question.  “I’ve told you Ghost, he’s already dealing with a lot.  I can’t pile about my gra-”

“I know you like him,” Ghost interjected and Wolf shifted, obviously embarrassed.  “You should talk to him, not just about your feelings, but about seeing your grave too.  Going through this alone . . . I’ve seen the toll it’s been taking on you.”

Wolf was about to reply when the sounding of someone clearing their throat startled them and they turned quickly to see Crow standing there with a bag of what smelled like takeout, the Hunter looking equally if not more embarrassed than Wolf felt.

“Sooo . . . sounds like we missed quite the commotion,” Glint said as he materialised over Crow’s shoulder in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness before adding.  “We headed back as soon as we got word of the attack.”

“Sorry we weren’t back in time,” Crow said, sounding more than a little disappointed in himself as he sat down beside Wolf and started unpacking the plastic bag; arranging white containers of food between them.  “How bad were the casualties?”

“. . . Not as bad as they could have been, but any loss of life is too much,” Wolf replied with a sigh as they picked up a container and opened it to investigate the contents.  “And with Osiris missing, it seems we can’t catch a break.”

Wolf and Crow talked for a while about the attack while very obviously avoiding the earlier overheard conversation, and how they might help Saint in his search for Osiris, before there was a lul in conversation and the two fell into a comfortable silence.  Ghost and Glint shared a knowing look before turning to their Guardians.

“We’re going to head down to the camp, see if there’s any way for us to help” Ghost stated before Glint added.  “Even if it’s just entertaining the hatchlings.  They’ve gotten very good at chasing us.”

With no further discussion, the two Ghosts flew off, leaving Wolf and Crow to their own devices.

“So . . .” Crow started awkwardly.  “About what Ghost said before, about you liking me . . .”

“I would’ve told you eventually,” Wolf replied quietly, focusing on the partially eaten noodles in their container.  “I’m not good with expressing myself, and after loosing Cayde I . . . guess I just pushed down any sort of romantic feelings to avoid feeling that sort of hurt again.”

“I, feel the same way about you,” Crow admitted after a moment.  “At first, I thought what I felt was because you were one of the first people to be kind to me after I’d encountered so much hate; my first true friend.  Then I met more people and they were kind to me too, but I didn’t feel the same towards them as I did you.”

Wolf was momentarily stunned, more surprised by the Hunter’s admission than they had been by any of the craziness they’d encountered over the last seven years, before they tentatively reached out and took Crow’s hand in theirs, lacing their fingers together with a small smile.  Crow squeezed their hand and returned a smile of his own, but Wolf could tell he wanted to ask about what else he’d overheard . . . so they told him everything; starting with the Sundial and ending with the messages from Quaria or Savathun in the Vex collective.

“Thankyou for telling me,” Crow said after taking some time to process everything.  “Do you, think what you saw can be changed?”

“I want to say yes, but I feel like my death defending the City is going to be one of those things that Osiris called a fixed point; something that always happens no matter what you do to try and change it,” Wolf replied.  “And if that’s the case, I’m not going to waste time worrying about it,  I’m going to focus my time and energy into making sure we’re ready for the Witch Queen.”

[actuallysaiyan]

The Day My Baby Gave Me A Surprize-PART I(Naruto Uzumaki x Reader)

Word count: 1,682

Pairings: Naruto Uzumaki x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Fluff, abuse, slight smut, slight violence, pregnancy

Summary: Reader has lived in Konoha her whole life, despite the fact that her parents despise ninjas. She’s led to believe the same, until she meets a certain shinobi who catches her eye...and holds her heart. When she ends up pregnant with his baby, her parents decide to send her away when they find out she’s been seeing a ninja...

A/N: This a new series! It may have one or two more parts, but it could have more if it becomes popular! This is inspired by the song The Day My Baby Gave Me A Surprize by DEVO, which the lyrics always reminded me of a man singing about his pregnant lover who gets sent away but she gets better enough to send him a letter to tell him she’s doing fine...

Your whole life, you’ve been taught to see shinobi as the worst people possible. Your parents told you that they were the kinds of people who brought violence and war upon themselves and others. They weren’t there to defend the weak or fight for justice; they were there to fight people and become cruel assassins and hurt people. They wouldn’t be able to help you in a situation, they would leave you there to die.

For years, you believed your parents. You would see shinobi and think about how unlucky and cruel they were. How they would only bring misfortune and death with them everywhere they went. 

Then, you met someone. A shinobi. He changed your opinion on shinobi forever.

It was just a fleeting crush at first, but as it grew, you found yourself wanting to train and become a kunoichi. You wanted to have the strength and defend others.

Yet, you still had to hide all of this from your parents. It was very tough to do something like this, seeing as even after everything happened in the village and how most of the fighting between the villages seemed to calm down, your parents still couldn’t trust any ninja. They didn’t see the way they truly were. They still saw the old ways.

Your mother, a dressmaker, was way too preoccupied with keeping up with the Jones’ to even think about sending you to the academy when you were a child. She would have died of embarrassment if you had shown any kind of interest in fighting or using genjutsu. 

Your father, the one who owned the dress shop and who came from money, would have told you otherwise if you even dared show interest in ninjutsu or fighting. He would have argued and told you that it was wrong and you would just be cursing the family for generations to come.

But when you met Naruto, everything changed.

You met him at Ichiraku ramen. It was one of your favourite places to go, but you did your best to go there alone when it wasn’t very populated. You knew it was a popular spot for ninjas, so you didn’t want to go when they were frequenting it. You were embarrassed that your parents had these thoughts and you didn’t want to be known as the daughter of the people who hated ninjas in a village full of ninjas.

But Naruto was so different. He was warm, friendly and very cute. You could get lost in his eyes for hours, just listening to him go on and on about his training. He was so charming, you couldn’t help but start to fall in love with him.

Your first kiss was under a tree in the forest, very far away from your home. Naruto knew about your parents, but he still wanted to show you how ninjas were good people. He loved you and didn’t want to let you go.

You and Naruto fell for each other very fast. It was so quick and so passionate. You had to meet up at odd times of the day in very secluded places, but you’d never trade these dates for anything. Naruto would show you different fighting techniques and would try to train you as best as he could, although you didn’t even know the first thing about being a ninja.

Naruto was a bit of a hothead, but he had so much patience for you. He would praise you to no end, and would always be very supportive. Most of your time would be spent either training, or it would be spent making out and enjoying your short time together. You barely had enough time to do both things. Oftentimes, you would have to run home in the middle of a training session without giving him a single kiss. It was getting harder and harder to meet up, but you couldn’t stop. Your heart wouldn’t let you give up on Naruto…

The days would go by in a blur. You’d spend most of your time with Naruto when your parents didn’t think too much of it. They would ask you from time to time what you were doing at the odd times of the night, but you would just tell them you were going for walks to clear your head. They bought every excuse you gave them, not thinking you would ever dare fraternize with a ninja.

Little did they know, you were head over heels in love with Naruto. You often fantasized about telling your parents that you were going to marry him and that he was going to be there for you forever and that they would have to just deal with it. It was becoming increasingly difficult to hide it from them, but you didn’t care if you got caught anymore.

One night, you snuck out of your room and made your way towards Naruto’s place. You had been planning this outing for a little while, and you knew it had to go perfectly. You were going to show Naruto exactly how much he meant to you, and there was only one way to truly show him that.

Naruto was very surprised when he saw you at the door. He was half-asleep but very happy to invite you in. You were dressed up in one of the dresses your mother made for you, which made you feel a little guilty about the whole situation.

“What are you doing here this late, y/n? Not that I’m unhappy to see you, because I’m very happily surprised, dattebayo!” Naruto asked.

“I needed to see you. I love you Naruto, and I’m tired of having to hide this from everyone,” you pushed him up against the wall and kissed him heatedly. Naruto chuckled nervously when you pulled away.

“I love you too, y/n.” he looked deeply into your eyes, seeing the love and understanding exactly what was happening.

He was gentle and loving while he undressed you, watching your body as you climbed onto his bed and gave him a sultry pout. Naruto put your pleasure first as he made love to you, making sure you wouldn’t cry or feel discomfort. You loved him and kissed him and as the night ended, you found yourself falling asleep in his arms.

The next day, you felt different. You didn’t care about your parents finding out, yet you couldn’t help but think about how it would hurt them to find out that you were with a shinobi. So you tiptoed out of Naruto’s place and you decided you would give it some time before you saw him again…

Until you found out your period was late. You were cursing yourself in the bathroom, hoping your parents wouldn’t hear you crying and swearing. You needed to go see a doctor without arousing your parents' suspicion.

Unfortunately for you, one of your mother’s friends saw you at the doctor’s office. She couldn’t help herself and stuck her nose in your business, spying on you as you sat on the exam table. Tears streamed down your cheeks as the doctor told you the news…

You were a month pregnant, incidentally, that was the amount of time you had spent away from Naruto. There was no question about it, Naruto had gotten you pregnant. That night had been filled with so much love and passion that you both had forgotten to protect against this kind of situation. You wanted to do something about it, but the doctor told you to wait on it and talk to the father before making any rash decisions.

Even worse was the fact that your parents had been told by their friend about what they witnessed at the doctor’s office. Your father was furious but your mother couldn’t stop crying. It wasn’t like you were a child anymore, but you weren’t in any position to raise a child on your own.

“Who is the father?” your mother asked through her tears.

You didn’t want to say. You feared that they would take you away from Naruto, or even worse, that your father would pay someone to hunt him down or something along those lines. Your father was yelling at you, but you didn’t tell them who it was.

“It was probably those scum of the earth shinobi! Were you raped and this is why you won’t say who the father is? Is it because you don’t know who it is?” Your father barked, and your mother howled at the idea of you being raped.

“I wasn’t raped! Shinobi aren’t bad people, dad. They are good people, just like anybody else. They’ve got their faults, but…” you barely could finish what you were saying before your father slapped you across the face.

“I knew she was sneaking off to see a ninja. This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t have been so lenient with her!” Your father yelled at your mother, but she didn’t want to hear this.

The next few days were filled with your parents making arrangements to send you away. They had heard from a friend of a friend that in the Hidden Sand Village, there was a woman who would take care of your little problem. She could make everything better.

In the dark of the night, they sent you off with two escorts. You could barely understand why you were letting this happen, yet you were so weak. You felt like you didn’t have any more fight left in you. If only you had trained more with Naruto, you could have defended yourself against your father.

But now, you were being shipped off to someone in the Sand Village. You didn’t even know how this was legal. Leave it to your parents to find a way to send you away and to just sweep all these problems under the rug.

Your heart ached for Naruto. You didn’t want to stay away from him for a whole month, and now you wouldn’t even be able to tell him that you loved him...or that you were carrying his baby.

[sincerelystranger]

not enough 5

Wei Wuxian proves himself to be good.

Good and kind and diligent.

And like his father, his goodness breaks Jiang Fengmian’s heart.

“They saved me, uncle,” he says, his eyes dark and wide and desperate. “The only mark against them is that they are Wens. They’ve never killed or hurt anyone. I can’t – What the Jin’s are doing is not justice.”

Jiang Fengmian can’t do anything but look back at him.

They’re in the cursed Burial Mounds, a group of Wen’s shiver behind Wei Wuxian. All of them, hiding behind this young boy as if he can save them.

Jiang Fengmian wants to hate them, but he sees too much of himself in them. He’s no better than them, after all. He’s been looking for salvation in Wei Wuxian for years.

“This will make you an enemy out of the entire cultivation world,” Jiang Cheng snarls angrily, stepping forward to grab Wei Wuxian’s arm and shake it. “They already talk ill of your cultivation. You protecting the Wen’s… Wei Wuxian… Our sect cannot afford to protect them.”

“That’s why I will protect them,” Wei Wuxian replies seriously, “Tell everyone that my actions are mine alone – that the Yunmeng Jiang do not approve.”

Jiang Cheng turns to him. “Father – tell him!” he says desperately, “Tell him he cannot do this!”

Wei Wuxian turns his head to look at him as well.

“Wen Ning is the only reason I was able to get you and Yu-Furan out that night, uncle,” he says softly, “If for that reason alone, I cannot abandon them.”

This is the first time Wei Wuxian has really stood up against Jiang Fengmian, and it breaks Jiang Fengmian’s heart that it is to defend his honor.

If only they weren’t Wens.

If they were from any other family, Jiang Fengmian would happily protect them for the rest of their lives.

But his son is right.

And his wife is right.

And Wei Wuxian is right.

“We can’t protect you, A-Xian,” Jiang Fengmian says softly, and his voice comes out surprisingly even, even as his heart crumbles in his chest. “Is this really what you choose?”

Wei Wuxian stares at him for a long while before he nods solemnly. A stray tear falls down his face and Jiang Fengmian turns before he sees any more fall.

“Father,” Jiang Cheng calls out desperately, “You can’t let him – father!”

“With this decision, you are no longer part of the Yunmeng Jiang Sect,” Jiang Fengmian says calmly. “You are no longer under our protection and we will no longer claim you.”

He doesn’t know if Wei Wuxian replies or not, because walks away.

Jiang Cheng catches up to him when he’s already more than halfway down the mountain. “Father,” he says desperately, and Jiang Fengmian can already tell by the sound of his voice that his son is crying. “A-Xian – Wei Wuxian, he’s just – he’s just—“

“Hush,” Jiang Fengmian says not slowing down at all. If he stops now. If he stumbles even just one step. He knows that he will run back there and drag Wei Wuxian back to Lotus Pier. He knows this. So he can’t stop.

“Please father,” Jiang Cheng sobs, “You can’t throw A-Xian away like this. Look around you – a person cannot survive here. You’re sentencing him to death. Please—“

“This is Wei Wuxian’s decision!” Jiang Fengmian shouts, his eyes looking forward, his back straight and his steps steady.

“But he’ll die,” Jiang Cheng sobs, “Why won’t you save him? Don’t you care?”

I do love him, Jiang Fengmian thinks numbly. It’s because I love him that I cannot save him.

That boy. That poor boy. He never had a choice anyway.

From the moment Jiang Fengmian found him on the street, Wei Wuxian was destined to ruin himself for him.

He was just like his father after all.

---

His wife is surprisingly furious with him.

“You should have dragged him back here by his hair if you had to,” she seethes, Zidian crackling on her fist.

“He would not leave without the remaining Wens,” Jiang Fengmian explains calmly, “I did as much as I could.”

“Then you should have brought the Wens along as well,” she snaps back.

Her reply shocks him.

“You know as well as I do that bringing them back is not an option,” he says.

She scoffs at his answer. “Why? Are you so afraid of those arrogant old men and their gossip?”

“It’s more than gossip,” he says, “Protecting the Wens would mark us as traitors.”

“Protecting old women and children would mark us traitors?” his wife asks sarcastically. “How cowardly you are.”

“Do you not care of how our sect is spoken about?” he asks, his voice rising with his temper. He had expected this from Jiang Cheng but from his wife? He had secretly thought she would be delighted to finally be rid of Wei Wuxian.

“If I cared how we were spoken about, I would not have let that orphan live with us for so many years,” she yells back.

Her answer silences him. It makes him sit back on his seat and just look at her.

She’s strange, his wife. And just when he thinks he knows her… she…

But then again, Jiang Fengmian has always been a fool.

His problem is that he always thinks he knows.

He sighs deeply and lowers his head in defeat. “I cannot bring him back now,” he says tiredly, “His separation from our sect is already common knowledge.”

“You’re an old fool,” she says, her mouth turning down in disgust. “Without a sect, everyone in the world will be after that talisman of his. With your cowardice, you’ve sentenced all of them to a miserable end.”

“If you’re right, then I’ve just saved our sect from certain annihilation,” he says, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

He’s not sure anymore what the right thing to do was.

He had been sure when he was on Burial Mounds, but now…

“I do not understand you,” she says coldly. “Once you were prepared to jeopardize all of us to save him. Now, you send him off like a sheep for slaughter. Has your sentimental love for his mother finally come to an end?”

Jiang Fengmian stands and walks out of the room, unable to stand his wife’s words any longer.

I just wanted to free him, Jiang Fengmian thinks desperately.

But maybe he’s lying to himself.

Maybe.

Maybe Jiang Fengmian had just wanted to free himself.

---

They call him the Yiling Patriarch.

Wei Wuxian becomes the topic of many fearsome tales. They claim that he is half man and half demon. They say that he can kill a thousand men with one note from his flute. They say he performs dark magic with the Wens on the cursed Burial Mounds.

People speak endlessly about him and Jiang Fengmian finds that he just… misses him.

Not even just his face or the way he reminds him of the man he lost.

Jiang Fengmian finds that he just misses Wei Wuxian.

Time passes and things seemingly start to settle down and Jiang Fengmian begins to think that perhaps his decision to let Wei Wuxian part from his sect wasn’t the death sentence his wife and Jiang Cheng made it up to be.

Maybe… Maybe for once, Jiang Fengmian has made the right choice.

He finds solace in the thought.

He knows Jiang Cheng goes up to the Burial Mounds every so often. He thinks he’s being sneaky about it, but Jiang Cheng is just as subtle as his mother – which is to say not at all.

Jiang Fengmian turns a blind eye to it and comforts himself with the knowledge that if Wei Wuxian were really in trouble, Jiang Cheng would say something to him.

It’s an odd feeling, but he feels that Jiang Cheng has outgrown him somehow.

At one point, he had believed Jiang Cheng to be too much like him. Unable to love correctly and always hurting the person who least deserved it.

Now…

Now Jiang Cheng doesn’t seem to be like him at all.

“He’ll be a much better sect leader than me,” Jiang Fengmian says to his wife.

His wife turns her head to watch Jiang Cheng. He’s training disciples in the main courtyard. “At the very least, he will be more decisive than you,” she says.

Jiang Fengmian watches her watch her son. It’s hard to remember why he always thought her so indifferent. So cold.

He knows now that there is an inferno that she keeps tightly trapped inside.

She loves so fiercely that it scares her to let it out.

He’s sorry that it took him twenty years to realize it.

“I’m glad he is so much like you,” he says softly, and the truth of it weighs heavily on his chest.

She doesn’t react to his words, but she lowers her eyes and he can tell she’s touched.

“Old age has made you soft,” she says after some time.

Maybe before, Jiang Fengmian would hear the coldness in her words, but now all he can hear is the affection.

It’s strange how things change.

---

His daughter gets married.

She’s stunning in her wedding attire and her smile is bright enough to light up all of Lanling.

Jiang Fengmian had been uncertain about her marriage at first – the last thing he wanted to do was curse her to an unhappy marriage – but looking at how Jin Zixuan dotes on her, he feels safe enough to send her to Lanling…

…And after Jiang Cheng’s long ‘talk’ with Jin Zixuan, Jiang Fengmian feels rather confident that Jin Zixuan will not be like his father.

His wife has a rare smile on her lips during the wedding celebrations.

“If you hadn’t stupidly broken up their betrothal, they would have gotten married much sooner and we might be grandparents by now,” she says, but her tone is too happy for her words to have any real sting.

“I think this may have worked out better,” Jiang Fengmian replies easily with a smile of his own. “A little hardship is good fuel for a man’s love.”

His wife rolls her eyes and huffs a laugh. “Perhaps that is where I went wrong,” she says, “I was too easy.”

Her words are a sharp jab at Jiang Fengmian’s heart.

He knows that their marriage has been a cold one. A meeting of two people unwilling to understand one another.

He often thinks that if they had met under different circumstances, they may… well it might have never been love, but they would not have hurt each other as they did.

Because… he understands now that he hurt her too.

He reaches over and puts his hand over hers.

She doesn’t look at him, but he can tell that she’s surprised by the way she freezes.

“The best a parent can hope for is a better life for their children,” he says softly. “You’ve raised her well, and for that she will have a better marriage than ours.”

His wife blinks rapidly and turns her head slowly to look at him. Her eyes are wide and deep and they look surprisingly vulnerable on her stoic face.

He gives her a soft smile. “But I don’t think our marriage is too bad, either,” he says, and he squeezes her hand in his.

She turns her face away quickly and does not reply.

She’s quiet for the rest of the banquet.

But she doesn’t remove her hand from his.

[onlyhereforangst]

WWR

Alright y’all a likely final WWR coming at you, you know 3 months late the day of the dreaded s19 premiere. This definitely gets ranty and emotional, if you’re a Gibbs stan scroll the fuck away & don’t send me hate anon. This is bittersweet and it hurts and I’ve been living in denial for months but I needed this little bit of closure before the writer’s absolutely fuck it up in less than 6 hours. I hope you enjoy my emotional ramblings & I’ve absolutely loved writing these for the past two years, i’ll miss it & your reactions to it dearly ❤️

Badass Ellie is allllllways a treat, and protective nick contrasted to her making albeit slightly reckless decisions is top tier. And then followed up by him being impressed as hell??? He’s like damn my girl just did that and I am not turned on, no way, we are working I am not turned on, nope. Nick sitting at Ellie’s desk in the beginning PLS. Feet kicked up feeling mighty comfortable for someone who hates sitting at a desk 👀 only ok with it when it’s Ellie’s, huh Nick? Also I love that he’s sticking with the nonchalant approach like he did when he found her looking up Eastern Europe locations. He knows if he pushes too hard it won’t go well, but he is still concerned for her well-being. Those pieces slowly clicking into place that something isn’t just off- it’s worrisome off. Because while yes he’s still nonchalant he’s a touch more serious this time, ignoring her attempt at a brush off and claiming “he wants answers.” It’s a subtle step up from 18x14, but it’s there. His spidey senses are tingling and he’s getting less and less able to hide his concern for her 🥺 even if he tries to play it off as flirty banter because yes he’s still gd impressed with her moves and even tells Vance as such essentially. 

Flash forward to at the stash house and they find the files plus the mini debrief back in the bullpen…I truly am inclined to believe Ellie doesn’t know here. I mean sure she realizes that the timing fits to a certain extent—she was at NSA when this happened, but I don’t think she knows this is the beginning of her end. She’s like “oh they’re selling secrets too” and “my contacts are all gone” like…I just, she seems too casual and not at all on edge. Idk so far I’m just not getting that vibe. She even brushed off McGee with the whole that was ten years ago almost like she didn’t remember it? But then at the same time she did bring up the whole legal vs ethical- she hedged, but she did mention it. She was not super gung-ho about OMG THIS WAS SO UNETHICAL WTF HOW COULD THEY DO THIS so still……..idk lets continue haha

Ok her knowledge of guns is slightly concerning but also Nick finds it concerning AND hot, boy can’t help himself lets be honest. That “damn” that slips out please, so many sirens going off in that head but also you’re just like well fuck talk dirty to me some more babe. Aaaaand here we go, here’s why I know Ellie didn’t know that odette was going to plant that shit right now. “Whoever took them from the NSA’s code-level servers risked a lot more than their career” with a little like duh face from Ellie SCREAMS that she did not, would not, EVER do that. The leak was fabricated by Odette and the fact that it would be planted during this case was all Odette unbeknownst to Ellie. Or why the fuck would Ellie so casually and somewhat judgmentally be like “who TF would leak something like that, man they stupid, committing treason and whatnot.” And Ellie is SHOOK when Vance tells her it was her. Like shook as in, blinks several times, shifts her weight back, glances at McGee with a flash of surprise in her eyes. That body language screeeeeams being caught off guard. If she had leaked those documents and if she had known this was a plant, she wouldn’t be caught off guard. And no matter how well you can try and play the part, that body language is legit. She’s shocked someone would even think about that and oh man, Nick. Nick’s face hurts me (and I know this is just the beginning). Because a man who has always seen himself as the bad egg, the criminal so to speak, the one who would do something shady before any of the others. He is shook and angry that Vance could even consider accusing Ellie of this. And then there’s the genuine concern etched on his face (and I’d know, the screen is currently paused on his face staring at Ellie with a worried furrowed brow and pain clenched in his jaw) because he knows logical Ellie wouldn’t do this but also he knows he’s been seeing little puzzle pieces fall into place of suspicious behavior and this is just one more thing that doesn’t sit right with him- doesn’t fit the woman he’s come to know and love. And while I know he truly believes she didn’t leak the files, I would bet right here he’s concerned about what the fuck she’s gotten herself wrapped up in. 

And she continues to be adamantly against this, like Eleanor Raye Bishop would NOT ever leak intel, not as a baby NSA analyst who believed she was doing the right thing always in her role. Never once bringing up questionable ethics, she thought it was the greater good, that little patriot. She’s so adamantly against it and then Vance asks if she was framed, and I think that’s the point where Ellie realizes this is Odette. The word framed all of a sudden clicks it all into place and she picks up it might be “go time” for her. Her glances over at Vance have changed, they’re more cautious, calculating. She hears they’ve been leaked over ten years ago and she knows that she didn’t do it 10 years ago so this very well may be the notice of eviction from Odette. The “we’re coming for you, Agent Bishop” and her little look, oooooh Ellie is fired up. Her switch flipped and she’s now gotta hunker down and defend herself until she can confirm with Odette. Vance doesn’t even let her get a word in to “fight” for her innocence. But the fact that she’s getting sent home pisses her off, she wants to be close to the investigation, know what’s happening, and I’m sure a part of her still resists being dubbed that traitor of the state. Who knows, Odette may have never told her how she would become a disgraced NCIS agent, and this may have pissed Ellie off because her integrity is something she prides herself on. Her line, “I’m not Gibbs […] I’m innocent line” is like a tiny bright spot to chuckle in during this dismal finale. Gibbs hate train right hereeeee

Love that Kasie is immediately on the Ellie defense side, not looking forward to her reaction to Ellie leaving IF they even decide to show us. 

Gibbs telling Ellie “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” when he fucking up and left the team without so much as a goodbye or sorry for committing police brutality like fuck outta here Gibbs. Ellie is CLEARLY vulnerable right now, she’s been accused of leaking classified documents aka committing treason, she’s suspended, she’s on the brink of going on some dumbass undercover op and is begging, pleading, for any sign from you- her boss and father figure- not to do it. That he shows remorse for leaving the team without a word, that he regrets his decision to just disappear on them, that he wishes he hadn’t or he had done it differently. ANY kind of sign to tell her not to go through with what she’s about to go through. Literally any sign, and instead Gibbs gets defensive and bites back that she’s picking the wrong time in her life (LIKE HELLO YOU JUST SAID IT RIGHT THERE IDIOT, SHE’S GOING THROUGH SHIT MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS BUT NO YOU’RE WRAPPED UP IN GIBBS LA-LA-LAND AND HAVE SAID FUCK YOU TO YOUR SUPPOSED KIDS), so now Ellie is even more pissed and gets defensive back telling him he doesn’t even know what’s going on in her life and if that’s not a desperate cry for help I don’t know what is. like she is begging you Gibbs to pick up on it and figure it out, begging you to do your job that’s you’re supposedly so good at and save her from going through with this stupid mission. And then Ellie realizes that he stopped caring about them. He’d gotten so wrapped up in what he was doing, he stopped caring about their lives, the problems they were facing, anything. Him *not* realizing something was happening??? This is Gibbs, this is the man that always knows what’s happening before you even know what’s happening. So the words “I’m starting to realize that” hit like a fucking dump truck. He’s too preoccupied with his own boat-making nonsense that he can’t be bothered to have even an inkling of an idea of what’s going on in their lives. And he doesn’t seem to care that he’s dropped them from his life. And that’s when it hits Ellie, he’s never coming back. He’s cut the team out of his life and he doesn’t care. He has no regrets, he can’t even be bothered to have a single regret. And I think that, right there, is when Ellie decides she’s all in. I think there was always a small part of her that was hesitant to go along with odette. Hesitant to just upend her career and her relationships (aka Nick, but we’ll get to this), all of it. But hearing that the man she looked up to even though he’d made some mistakes, the man she viewed as a father, the one person who’d taken a chance on the nerdy analyst long ago, the one constant through all the turmoil she’d had, just left? Just left without a goodbye, without remorse, without even a parting thought for her? That was it for her. Whatever brainwashing Odette had fed her that she’d pushed back against from fully taking over finally broke free. And with it, Ellie grieves, she’s tearing up from knowing what she’s about to lose. Lose the man she viewed as a father, the coworkers that were like a family, the partner she’d found herself loving like she’d never loved before. 

Ugh poor hurt Nick, he’s willing to do all the grunt work that he abhors in order to free up McGee so he can save Ellie. Nick knows he doesn’t have the skills and I think that’s killing him even more so. He can’t just do it himself, he has to rely on someone else to clear her name (to which he bumped back to last name in a last ditch attempt to maintain distance and keep some semblance of emotions in check, which is failing miserably), and that is killing the doer we know and love. LOL “so you’re both wrong” this poor man I love him, I can’t wait for the tears that will come from me later 🥲 nick immediately taking Jessica’s help, I love it. He’s like I don’t give AF who will help us but I am clearing this woman’s name if it’s the last thing I do. And then she walks in and he’s frozen. All these emotions running through him and then she’s there?? And she ignores him??? Ignores all of them?? Rushes past and storms up to the director on a suicide mission??? Yeah this is why I said that conversation with Gibbs was her last nail in the coffin. She hadn’t decided to go through with it (hence why she hedged earlier with Vance) and then he went and was a piece of shit so she said the hell with it and went all in. She can’t even bring herself to speak at Nick, barely looks at him, because she knows, she knows if she speaks to him, if he gets a chance to try and talk her down in the heightened emotional state she’s in after talking to Gibbs, she won’t be able to hold it in. She won’t be able to deal with seeing emotionally charged and hurt Nick. So she ignores him and McGee and does what she thinks she has to do. How hard did it have to be for Ellie to tell Vance not to defend her, and that their intel was correct? 🥺🥺 it goes against everything she’s ever stood for and she just went and did it. She hates liars and yet she lied. She loves her country and yet she claimed she committed treason. Her body language once again screams uncomfortable but trying to play it off. She’d nodding and repeating it over and over because she needs to convince herself of the words. They leave a bitter taste in her mouth and she can’t stop it. All she can do is clench her jaw a little tighter and get it over with and convince herself. 

Nick is in disbelief, obviously. McGee looks like he’s five seconds from breaking down because his little sister is supposedly a traitor??? Like he can’t believe it. He’s hurt she would do something like this even though he still knows in his gut that it can’t possibly be true. And oh FUCK the part where Nick’s voice cracks asking if Vance fired Ellie. Fuuuuuuuck me. This man’s heart is breaking for what’s happening to Ellie and being completely in the dark about it. Sure they weren’t really clear on what “they” were after The Talk but still. He thought she was open with him. Ever since the jail cell, things had shifted and he thought she’d been honest with him. He’d picked up on those little things, but maybe it was just training or something, NOT committing alleged treason and quitting the one career she loved. Not leaving him in the dark and vanishing without so much as a word. Not that. Because she KNOWS his past, she knows how much shit he’s been through with people in his life leaving without so much as a goodbye. And his voice continues to crack asking about what’s going on because he’s literally in shock. McGee is desperately trying to keep it together, keep some sort of figurehead for the team. Nick is in shambles ok, just like I’m in shambles. He’s adamant she didn’t do it because he KNOWS her. He knows she would never in a million years leak classified intel and now he’s just confused like a lost and kicked puppy. She didn’t DO IT, and she’s not answering her PHONE. He just wants to talk to her, he just wants to know she’s ok, wants to comfort her, wants to convince her to stop and it’ll be alright and he’ll take care of her and he’ll save her because that’s all he wants to do and always has, right? Save her. Save her from everything in this world that could hurt her. Protect her from life’s dangers. Protect her because he can’t bear the thought of losing her. And that all is crumbling down around him. All of it, crashing down like an avalanche, ready to bury him alive in grief and guilt and despair and anger. How am I supposed to TALK to her, he just wants to fucking be with her. He just wants to be there. With her. For the rest of their lives.

Ellie looking at the hat, please. That’s a lifetime of regret packed into one facial expression right there. She’s looking at that hat, the one she cherishes from the moment Gibbs hands it to her, and knows it’ll be the last time she ever sees it again. It’s not something she can take with her, and it’s full of fond memories—most happy, some sad, a few bittersweet—but memories that have made her life whole the past 8 years. And there’s officially no going back, she’s admitted to treason, there’s no way out of that. She’s having to say goodbye to all of her career without saying goodbye to any of them, all of that is wrapped up in that hat. A hat that’s so simple but signifies so much to her. She definitely was not expecting McGee to come out and so her rebuttals to him are exasperated and grasping at straws initially. She tries sarcasm and then she tries to brush it off “it doesn’t matter, it’s done […] I get that, I don’t want to talk about it” when McGee voices that he’s hurt over this and her reputation matters to him. Because he’s like another brother to you dammit Ellie. Yeah he’s grown since he said Ziva was like a sister to him and just stomped on your heart, he didn’t say it then but you’re like a sister to him too Ellie. I love that he fights her on it, and Ellie is like shit I have to come up with something. I don’t think she expected McGee of all people to fight her on this and I’m so glad he did. A little bit of growth because he is not going to see another person he views as family leave him again. And Ellie’s half assed excuses please, all of it is just such BULLSHIT because when they first debriefed she was just like “ethical? Hmmm” nothing more, nothing about being a vigilante and being up in arms over this like she claims she was. Bullshit Ellie, bullshit. And the PARALLELS TO FUCKING GIBBS. THIS IS WHAT YOU DID GIBBS, THIS IS YOU. LOOK WHERE YOU FUCKING PUSHED ELEANOR BISHOP TO STOOP TO. McGee begging her to regret it and Ellie pulls a Gibbs and is like NOPE. WONDER WHERE THE FUCK SHE LEARNED THAT FROM HUH. Gibbs you are singlehandedly responsible for this shit and how Ellie broke Nick’s heart and whatever happens to her on this stupid mission. I’m glad your dumb boat blew up, you deserve it. 

“I don’t want protection” because I can’t have you all following me. 

“It kills me that I lied to the people I was closest to” not about what you think I’m lying about but what I’ve been hiding. It kills me that I can’t tell you the real reason for this. It kills me.

“It wasn’t years ago for us” McGee rip my heart out please it will hurt less. And Ellie just playing into all of it. Knowing that she needs him and everyone else to hate her and not trust her. Her entire livelihood and backstory rely on them hating her and not following her, believing she’s the enemy and she’s hid these kinds of secrets for so long. Believing she’s a criminal and it was all a farce. She has to play into it. She has to. It’s the only way she will survive, they’ll survive. Odette likely fed her this shit, cut all ties, make sure no one follows, make sure no one is attached, burn all bridges. 

Ah and we’re back to pissed Nick. Nick who doesn’t like to be left in the dark ever, let alone when it deals with Bishop. Getting his edgy self being rude to Kasie but Kasie doesn’t even bat an eyelash. She knows Nick is hurting and she reaches out to him, she doesn’t take his tone to heart because she knows. Nick saying he wouldn’t know how she’s doing is just like a knife to the heart. He wants to know, desperately. He once thought he was the person she would go to in times like these but now all he’s getting is radio silence, a cold shoulder, and screened phone calls. He’s in visceral pain from the thought of her going through this alone, pain from everything he once thought true and good being destroyed in a day’s time. And Kasie is shocked that Nick hasn’t spoken to her. If that doesn’t tell you she knows that they are a thing and the gravity of all this, I don’t know what will. Nick should have spoken to her, clearly he wants to, in every other situation he would have already. But Kasie (and Jessica) just realized Ellie is shutting Nick out and that is Not Good. 

Back to Gibbs. Fucking asshole he is. McGee comes to you desperate to help his sister, Gibbs’ “daughter” and he goes “I think she’s at a crossroads” ???? Acting like he didn’t fucking encourage her at this so-called crossroads???? Like ???? The fuck???? Her crossroads was painfully obvious when she came to talk to you and YOU basically treated her like you couldn’t care less about her. That you had no clue what she was dealing with in her life and said as much. So yeah, she WAS at a fucking crossroads until you SHOVED her into oncoming traffic and said have a nice fucking life. AND THEN. McGee wants to help her and Gibbs tells him he can’t??? “Not this time” bitch this is YOUR FAULT. YOU COULD HAVE HELPED HER. COULD HAVE TALKED TO HER AT LEAST SOMEWHAT AND YOU DIDN’T. YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T REALIZE SHE WAS SPIRALING AND THAT YOU DIDN’T REGRET LEAVING YOUR SO-CALLED FOUND FAMILY IN THE DUST AND GUESS WHAT. SHE WENT AND PARROTED YOUR WORDS RIGHT BACK AT MCGEE SO FUCK YOU GIBBS. 

Ooooh Nick looks lethal, love that look, hate why he has that look though. Lol Nick getting ready to go murder the dude in interrogation because he set up Ellie and he’s just ignoring the fact that she claims she committed treason because he already knows there is literally no way on earth that she did it. And Vance realizing that Nick needs to stand down like fiiiiiiinally someone realized it. Obviously he isn’t gonna listen and poor Nick, this boy has it bad and he’s truly just SO WORRIED for what Ellie is about to do. Because right there, the confirmation that the file was a plant, that was the final puzzle piece falling into its perfect place. Every single thing he questioned, every little moment he’d replayed in his head, it all made sense. And he was so very pissed she hadn’t come to him- and honestly I think part of him is trying to ignore the WHY that’s behind that because he truly wouldn’t be able to think straight if he went there. I think that would be his end, going into the why she didn’t trust him, why she lied, why it hurts him so much. It would be the end, and yet…we’re just beginning here. And of course he knows exactly who is manipulating Ellie, he hadn’t trusted that scum from the start. So of course he goes straight to Odette’s cabin and lays in wait, probably pouring over all the documents and things Ellie did or didn’t leave behind there. 

Ellie pulling up in the truck and that heavy sigh? Yeah, she’s still not convinced this is a good idea. She’s running on emotions but that logical part of her (and deep down, her heart, knowing what she’s about to do- who she’s about to cut out of her life) is whispering of how very bad an idea this is. She still has to gather her willpower to get out of that car but when it’s Gibbs calling her? The same Gibbs that basically just kicked her out the door without so much as a wave goodbye? Yeah, the emotion just came rushing back, pushing the logic aside. She claims she can’t tell Nick because no shit if she has to look him in the face and lie and still say goodbye, it’ll kill her. She’s honestly not sure if she can go through with it. 

OH we back to a Gibbs hate novel, hold on. “I’M REALLY PROUD OF YOU BISHOP” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’M REALLY PROUD YOU’RE THROWING EVERYTHING YOU EVER WORKED FOR AWAY, PUSHING THE ONES YOU LOVE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE, SACRIFICING YOUR ONE SHOT OF LOVE THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE DESERVE THE MOST. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. Oh fuck OFF Gibbs. “Following your gut” oh shut UP. I just don’t understand this part. I don’t understand it, and I’m trying so hard for it to make sense, for it to be in character. Like does Gibbs have any clue?? I’m sure he recognizes the signs, I’m sure he has an inkling at this point. So how would he be proud? How the FUCK would he say he’s learned some stuff from her. Does he mistakenly trust Odette because of what she did for Ziva? Is he just so self-absorbed he doesn’t completely comprehend what Ellie is doing leaving Nick behind??? And Rule 91 is a load of shit. “When you decide to walk away, don’t look back” how FUCKING STUPID. Like Gibbs of all people, you should understand that is a SHIT rule. You’ve lost the people you loved dearly and you think she should just never look back? Like are you saying this so that Ellie has a clear head for the undercover op? Are you hoping she doesn’t get herself killed by being wrapped up in what she left behind??? What the actual fuck. Stupid ass rule honestly. It’s what you live by Gibbs and look how well that turned out for you. Look at the family you ditched. Nice fucking job. 

“It’s done” and “what are you talking about I did everything you asked” ok she’s 100% being manipulated and almost blackmailed somehow. There’s no other explanation. Eleanor Raye Bishop wouldn’t do this shit. Not willingly, not if she knew how much Nick loved her and how much she loved him (which if her words in just a minute are any indication, yeah she had a fucking clue). Odette calling Nick a loose end just SCREAMS how she purposefully fucking chose the moment Ellie and Nick started to get close to decide it was time for Ellie to go undercover. I just KNOW it. She’s a manipulative bitch and there is no limit to the rock bottom she will stoop to. 

Ellie knows who she’s talking about and the just look of fuck I have to actually tell him to his face. The doubt and grief and guilt and all of it, flashing across her face as she realizes she has to do this. She has to face this, she has to lie. She has to break his trust (not that she hasn’t already) something SHE made so painstakingly clear she needed from Nick. Nick is rightfully *pissed* I mean who can blame him. Ellie with her, “I have nothing to be sorry for.” I know Ellie is just doing her best to burn bridges, the hesitation and avoidance leading up to this lends itself to no other interpretation. She is going to say anything and everything to make sure Nick does not follow her. Make sure he stays as far away as possible from her. She can’t bear the thought of him getting hurt in some way from all this. Even though he may not get physically hurt, I don’t think she realizes the heart break is going to be worse. The painful part is Nick understands, he understands why she wants to do undercover. He had seen that glimmer in her eye when they were Charlie and Luis, he gets it, he’s been there. And he wishes so desperately he could impress every lesson he’s learned on her right then and there but at the same time he knows it won’t change a thing. He just wishes in vain that their love would change her mind, even if logic wouldn’t, their love surely could. I think Ellie starts to realize just how much Nick can see through her and that’s why she owns up to the fact that Odette planted the files, and also why I believe the leak was all an elaborate hack that Ellie didn’t know about. 

Then we get to the even more painful part of Nick giving us a glimpse of his raw heart. The why now with a voice crack and Ellie’s hedge at now wasn’t her choice with her own voice cracking, just is so so so telling. She could lie, she could really work at burning this relationship in a blaze of glory but she doesn’t, she owns up to the fact that she didn’t purposefully choose now (aka right when they were starting to figure things out between them), she’s not pulling the strings. Nick coming back with so you had a choice is like the little 5 year old boy whose dad is walking out on him again and it just HURTS. And at the same time Ellie is also the young, insecure agent right now who just wants to prove herself. She wants to be viewed as “ready” and the man whose opinion she bases way too much of her self-worth in didn’t say he was proud of her until she was upending her career to go on some deep cover op where she ditches everyone important in her life. 

“How long?” “Too long.” Yeah ok FUCK ME. They both know exactly what they’re talking about without even saying the actual words. Ellie’s voice cracks once again because of the emotion in Nick’s voice and what he’s implying. It pains her to leave him and what they’re becoming behind. It viscerally hurts her, you can see it on her face. She doesn’t want it to be too long, but she knows it will be. She can’t fathom that he’d stay or wait for her, she doesn’t think she even deserves that. 

Tbh it’s so hard to put this all into words. To fully convey to you how angry and hurt I am over this shit. Ellie’s being manipulated and hurt that she has to burn this bridge and push Nick as far away from her as possible. She thinks its her only out and what should be expected of her based off her conversation with Gibbs because then she parrots his exact words back at Nick when he begs, literally begs her to say something after she was willing to leave without saying goodbye (which we know is because she didn’t think she was going to be able to look Nick in the eye and still go through with it all), “sometimes there’s nothing left to be said” like fuck you Gibbs for planting that in her head. There’s PLENTY left to be said. Clearly Nick was not pleased you blew him off Ellie, he wants you to say anything that would make this make sense (we all are tbh) and she says you know my *favorite* line, “I didn’t mean for us to happen.” Nick is all of us with his “something else” because WHAT THE FUCK. This is how I know Ellie was going full throttle with her strategy of pushing Nick away. This was the one thing she could say that would hit hardest for Nick. The man who is insecure about anyone truly loving him and him being a person deserving of a love that “stays” and for Ellie to say she didn’t mean to fall in love and even though they did she’s still going to leave because it was never in the plan, just damn, stab him in the back and twist that knife Ellie. And just like her body language this WHOLE TIME 💀💀💀 she’s just shaking her head because she doesn’t even believe her own words, she doesn’t want to confront this, she doesn’t want to end this. There’s tears in her eyes because everything she’s saying is a lie and it hurts it hurts so damn much but she has to. She’s been manipulated into believing she has to do this, has to say these things. And his body language too, I mean he is tight. He is standing so rigid, hands clasped behind his back because he’s trying to convey openness and vulnerability and it’s so much growth for Nick, so much growth and Ellie is still ripping his heart out and stomping on it. And when she chokes out that goodbye you can hear and feel how final she believes it to be. She doesn’t think he’ll stick around or even want to. In this vein I think she underestimates his love for her here. And if the show goes a different way with it, they’re little bitches. It is in character for Nick to do everything in his power and outside of the rules to find & save Ellie. I will riot if I don’t see unhinged Nick some point early in s19 (I say like I’m going to watch religiously), because that is the only logical reaction to her leaving like this. 

The kiss. It’s a beautiful fucking kiss and it’s ruined by context. It’s an emotional kiss, Ellie throws her body behind it, gripping his face with both hands because she doesn’t want to let him go (even though she’s going to), she clutches to this memory like she clutches to his face. Nick’s clenched expression because he doesn’t want to open his heart up to more heartbreak but when he leans into the kiss and gives the kiss back you know he’s a goner. And maybe a part of him doesn’t care because this may be his last memory of her for a long time and he’s going to burn it into his memory too. It’s why he keeps his eyes shut after she’s left for so long, he doesn’t want to open them and the reality of her retreating back be the last thing he sees of Ellie. He wants the kiss to be the last thing, he doesn’t want to face his reality. His hands had even come out from behind his back, reaching out to her subconsciously willing her not to leave. Meanwhile, Ellie opens her eyes for that last kiss on the cheek to get one last long look at Nick, one last look that will hold her over for who knows how long. A look at his vulnerable face, a face she loves. A look that she hopes will keep her warm at night even though she knows she’ll never get it this close to her again because there’s no way in hell that Nick would entertain the thought of them together again after what she’s done. She doesn’t look back because she can’t. She can’t see Nick’s wounded face just standing there, broken or she won’t go. And Nick tries to stand resolute, the anger and pain flashing across his face before he grits his teeth together and *hopefully* resolves to find Odette and kill her I mean save Ellie I mean kill Odette 🙊

Anyways, there’s only a very specific way this entire finale makes sense. And I know Emily’s pregnancy threw it for a loop, but they can still SOMEWHAT fix this. Do I think they will? Hell fucking no. I have zero expectations, in fact negative expectations. I have a feeling what we were supposed to see is Nick going on an absolute swan rampage to find Ellie and clear her name throughout the first couple episodes of s19 and with Emily leaving the show, I’m not sure how they’ll twist this. I can see why they thought this was a fun cliffhanger because it would eventually be resolved and I do believe they would’ve eventually gotten ellick together after Nick found her. But unless Emily comes back at the end of the show, that won’t happen, at least not on screen. And with that I just 🥲 I’m still mad, I’m still broken inside but yeah. I’m a masochist before anything else apparently and so I made myself rewatch and write this out. A bittersweet pissed off adieu to the WWR. maybe one day i’ll find another ship & show that gets this level of meta out of me, but it’s been real ellick, it’s been really real ❤️

[imkylotrash]

Regret Like A Riot

Pairing: Sam Harvey x reader

Request: Something like the girls are trying to set them up cause they're really close and like each other but are scared to admit it. Anonymous

A/N It went a little different then your request but I really hope you like it regardless. 

You promise yourself you’ll tell him if he just makes it through the night. If he just stays alive long enough for the Burned One to be killed, you’ll tell him everything. You’ll admit to why you always turn clumsy around him and can hardly formulate a sentence. You’ll admit to blushing even if you only catch sight of his back as he’s walking down the hallway. You’ll admit to everything in the morning if he just stays alive. And you truly do have every intention of telling him but then you see Musa holding his hand and taking away his pain. You see the way she looks at him and your heart cracks just slightly because you know you’ll never be able to compete with her. And frankly, you don’t want to compete with her. If she makes him happy, then you’re happy. That’s why you stay silent when morning arrives. You don’t say anything as you help him to his room or when he asks you to stay a while until he falls asleep. 

“I love you,” you whisper telling yourself that it counts even though he’s far away in his dreams. You spend a moment too long looking at him sleeping before you tiptoe to the door and exit his bedroom.

“You’re still here?” Caught in the act. Slowly you turn around to face Terra. 

“He was scared he might have nightmares so I stayed to make sure he fell asleep,” you explain not meeting her eyes at any point. The last thing you need right now is for Terra to know why you really stayed. As much as you love her, you also know that she’s a blabber mouth and not one to tell secrets too. 

“That was nice of you.” She’s too tired to notice anything it seems. 

“I lit the fireplace in there to keep him warm but someone should probably check on it in a few hours.” Terra stumbles slightly but manages to nod. 

“You must be exhausted. Get some sleep, I’ll make sure he’s alright.” You don’t have to be a mind fairy to feel her gratefulness. She hugs you before heading off to her own room. You’re guessing everyone will be asleep right now so you figure you should get some rest too. Just as you’re about to leave, you hear him scream. You’re by his side immediately clasping his hand in yours. 

“Are you okay? Should I get your dad?” He hugs you tightly trying to regain control of his breathing. It must’ve been a nightmare. 

“It came back,” he whimpers. You don’t have to ask what he means. It’s as fresh in your mind as it is in his. 

“I’m not going anywhere, okay? Just get some rest.” You pull over a chair and take his hand in yours once more. It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep but this time you stay. Even though your entire body is screaming for rest, you force yourself to stay awake. You’ll sleep when you feel absolutely sure Sam is okay. But even with that conviction, there comes a point where your body just gives up. It’s night time when you do wake up. Sam is still sleeping but the fire has gone out making the room feel like a freezer. It’s almost second nature to you now when you wave your hand towards the ashes and create a fire. It takes four days before you leave the room. He asked you to stay and you’re not about to say no. On the fourth day, you return to your own room ready to stand under the shower until the warm water runs out but the girls have something else planned. 

“How long have you been dating Sam?” Musa asks. You make a sound that’s somewhere between laughing and choking. 

“I’m not dating Sam. We’re best friends, you know that.” This is not the time for to ask these questions. You’re exhausted and drained. All you want to do is clean up and then sleep for weeks. 

“Best friends care for each other, yeah. But you just spent the last couple of days glued to his side,” Stella chips in 

“He almost died. Terra’s been there too!” It’s a very weak argument considering Terra is his sister. Of course she’s going to be there. By the looks on their faces no one believes you. 

“Fine!” you exclaim ready to own up to your feelings if it means you can get some sleep, “I like Sam. I really really like him. But it’s never going to happen so what’s the point?” 

“What are you talking about? Sam literally never stops talking about you. He is most definitely in love with you,” Terra says. Pure exhaustion threatens to turn you into a weeping mess. 

“I saw the moment he shared with you, Musa. When you took his pain. I don’t want to ruin that for you.” 

“What moment? I helped him because I could. Because he’s my friend and so is Terra. I don’t have any feelings whatsoever for him.” It’s like a weight is lifted from your shoulders when you realise that there might be a chance for you. 

“If you won’t tell him, I will. You guys would be the cutest couple and we need something good,” Bloom smiles. The rest of the girls are quick to nod in agreement. 

“Terra?” you ask because you need to hear her say that it’s okay. You need to know that you’re not burning a bridge with her. You’ve known her and Sam for as long as you can remember. They’ve become your family. 

“Of course it’s okay! I’ve been shipping the two of you since we were ten.” You hug her tightly knowing you’ll never be able to explain to her how much it means that she thinks you’re good enough for Sam. 

“I have to go,” you mumble already heading out the door when Stella stops you. 

“You’re not about to confess your love for that boy looking like that. You’ve waited how many years? It can wait another hour.” And with that she whisks you into the bathroom along with the other girls. Exactly one hour later your hair is done, you have a very natural base of makeup on and Stella has picked out the perfect outfit. 

“Thank you for your help, girls.” You bring them in for a group hug and then you’re off. Down the hall and to the left. Once you’re in front his door, you hesitate. What if Terra has gotten this all wrong? But you promised yourself you’d tell him if you both made it through that night so you knock on the door and anxiously wait for him to open the door. 

“Hey. Miss me already?” he jokes but you’re too nervous to laugh. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks always so aware of your mood. 

“Nothing’s wrong. Or maybe it is. I guess it depends on a lot of things, but inherently there’s nothing wrong at the moment. I just-”

“You’re rambling. Spill it.” He drags you into his room and closes the door. You’ve been alone together in his room a million times before but now you’re painfully aware of how his shirt is hugging his body and how tempting it is to just rip it off him. 

“I like you.” 

“I like you too.” He doesn’t get it and you have no idea how to begin explaining. Your thoughts are coming and going too fast for you to form a plan for what you want to say. 

“Breathe,” he reminds you. Two deep breaths later and you feel slightly calmer. 

“When I say I like you, I don’t mean as a friend. I mean I really, truly care for you.” He stays quiet perhaps in shock. You never should’ve told him. 

“I’m going to go,” you say hoping for a quick exit but he stops you.

“You like me as more than a friend?” You’re not entirely sure why he needs you to why he needs to rub it in your face so you just nod. Again, he goes quiet but he’s blocking the door so there’s no way you can leave unless jumping out the window is an option. It feels like a good idea right about now. 

“Why?” His question brings you back to reality and away from the window. 

“Why? Because you’re you. And you’re pretty amazing.” He opens his mouth and closes it again. He repeats this action three times before something clicks inside of him. You see the change in his face as he leans down towards you. Is this really happening? You don’t have time to think when his lips connect with yours. Time stops, cue fireworks. You both jump when you accidentally start the fireplace. 

“Sorry. Too many positive feelings, I guess.” You blush deciding that your shoes are very interesting. 

“I really care about you too. I have for a long time. But you’re this badass fire fairy, I had no idea how to tell you.” 

“You like me?” He lifts your head and nods. You kiss him again revelling in the feeling of his body pressed against yours. He slowly backs you towards the bed and you make no objections. You’ve waited so long for this moment. 

“This should really go,” you whisper tugging at his shirt. He doesn’t need to be told twice. It’s gone before you can blink and seeing him with no shirt makes you not want to blink at all. 

“Have I ever mentioned you’re really hot?” He chuckles hugging you tightly. His skin is still slightly pink where the Burned One got him. You try to ignore the stabbing feeling in your heart when you think back to that night. You don’t know what you’d done if he hadn’t made it. You’re just about to pull off your shirt when the door burst open and five fairies fall through the opening. 

“Terra?” Sam asks darting over to pick up his shirt from the floor. 

“Oh my God!” Aisha laughs, “I knew we should’ve left them alone.” 

“Well, I wanted to know how it went. He’s my brother,” Terra defends herself trying to maintain at least some dignity. 

“By the looks of it, everything went really well.” Stella smirks looking from Sam to you. Looking at all of them, you feel infinitely grateful to have them in your life. These people have become your family. So even though you’re itching to get Sam alone, you don’t mind it when you all settle down on the floor to talk. The girls want to know every little detail and you try to give them as much as possible while still keeping just a few things private. Sam sneaks his arm around you and kisses the top of your head but other than that he just listens. You regret not telling him sooner. You hate to think how much time was waisted when you could’ve been cuddled up next to him like you are right now. 

“Later,” you whisper to Sam at one point when the other girls are distracted by the gossip. 

“Absolutely.” 

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Hi! Anon form HP's classmates ask. After reading the Lavender, Parvati, Dean, and Seamus, I forgot to ask you these: Cedric (I don't think you did him), Cho (pretty sure you didn't do her), and Marietta (even though we barely see anything of her). Oh and also Colin if you can. If it's too long just do the first two. Thanks, and have a good and safe day! =)

Well, I have to confess, these will probably be a lot more boring than you’re expecting. I do tend to have opinions on arbitrary Harry Potter characters, but there’s also a lot of NPCs that, well, I really don’t think about them much. They’re kids, they go to school, seem nice enough, the end. 

Not all my opinions are made of spice.

But, with that, let’s begin.

Cedric Diggory

Really not much to say on him.

Seems like a nice enough guy, I appreciated that he was a Hufflepuff so we got to see at least someone from that house that was a really cool dude, the house division also helped explain why we’d seen and heard so little about him (I think he gets a brief mention as being Seeker for Hufflepuff in Prisoner of Azkaban).

For me, what stands out about him is mostly the tragedy. Here was this young man, in the prime of his life, with his whole future ahead of him who senselessly dies.

Had he not accompanied Harry, he would have lived, and it was pure unfortunate luck that he did. And then it’s over so quickly, just a demand of “kill the spare” and he’s dead. That’s it, it’s all over.

And then his death is made a mockery of, overwritten, then willfully forgotten by society.

He’s used as evidence by Harry and Dumbledore for Voldemort’s return, his murder is pinned on Harry by the government, and by the time the government admits to what happened they’ve moved on to bigger problems.

We only really see the mourning of Cedric from his father and later Cho. Harry’s messed up about it, but it was more from witnessing the event, he didn’t really know Cedric that well as a person. In fact, he feels very awkward and put out when it becomes clear that, a few months later, Cho is not handling her boyfriend having been murdered by a dead man very well.

And that’s what strikes me about him, just how easily he’s forgotten, and how sad it all is.

Cedric might be the reddest of red shirts in Harry Potter.

Cho Chang

I wish more had been done with Cho.

I know, I know, we get a lot of Cho.

But we get Cho in the context of Harry’s first romance, his crush that later sets him up for Harry/Ginny (JKR is fond of using other pairings to set up her main pairing, we see this also with Ron/Lavender). They give it a whirl, Harry finally gets what he wants, and it turns out to not really be his thing.

Cho is too girly, enjoys things like Madame Puddifoots, and is clearly still hung up on Cedric. The whole thing ends very awkwardly and we get a Harry who’s ready to move on to Ginny by book six.

That said, that’s what I like about Cho. She has this great boyfriend who she really liked, he dies horrifically and tragically, and she’s left trying to sort through the aftermath. She ends up clinging to Harry as he is a) Harry Potter and essentially Jesus b) the only witness to what happened to Cedric. To her, I imagine, she and Harry share this unbreakable bond after fourth year. She was closest to Cedric in the school, the only one who truly seems to want to mourn him, and Harry watched Cedric die. 

Cho lives in this world where Cedric’s death has been made a political issue. That his dying seems not to have mattered, indeed, is barely discussed so much as the manner in which he died. People are constantly fighting whether a deranged Harry did it, Voldemort came back, and Cedric gets forgotten somewhere in the middle.

And Cho tries to move on, she tries to embrace the fight against Voldemort, prepare herself to defend her nation and help fight against the man who murdered Cedric, but it just doesn’t work out. Because ultimately, they’re a bunch of kids in a room practicing the patronus. And even in the DA, despite acknowledging that Voldemort’s back, it’s still never about Cedric. It’s all about Voldemort and what’s coming, Cedric, oh yeah, poor guy, what a tragedy, the first casualty of war.

So, mostly I just feel very bad for Cho, and wish we could have seen more of her to see what the effect death has on people. We have Harry’s reaction to Sirius’ death but... in a weird way he actually gets over that kind of quickly. This isn’t the post for it, but to me Harry was always more upset by the loss of what Sirius represented than Sirius himself.

Marietta Edgecombe

Marietta does not deserve the hate she gets. Sure, she decided to leave the DA and snitched. But you know what, they’re fifteen year olds in a boarding school, and the DA while stupid was also kind of terrifying.

I mean, you suddenly find yourself in a group called “Dumbledore’s Army”, which is actively preparing itself for “fighting against the dark lord” and possibly “against those who deny his return”. The club has all these rules about secrecy, which at first seem reasonable as it’s against the rules, but then start sounding pretty scary. It sounds like you just signed up to launch a coup against the ministry on Albus Dumbledore’s behest. Had I been in DA,I like to imagine at some point I’d start thinking “what the actual fuck?”

More than that, Marietta’s family is on the line. Her mother works for the ministry. Her mother could be fired or perhaps even persecuted if this got out. Shit starts getting very real for Marietta.

So, Marietta leaves and snitches, and then she gets stitches.

Hermione gleefully scars and deforms her, something Marietta will carry with her for the rest of her life. I mean, can you imagine if Hermione had said, “Oh, by the way, if you rat us out I will personally murder you. Just kidding, but I will cut up your face, snitch” that anyone would react well? Which is probably why Hermione just stuck to an ominous vague warning instead. The true noble members, after all, would never think of leaving.

So yeah, given Hermione, actually given all of it (including Harry’s complete lack of sympathy for Marietta being branded when Cho tries to bring up her situation) the DA absolutely should have been shut down. My god, it was spiraling out of control, and given Harry and Hermione could have honestly gotten to the point where they took out hits on, oh I don’t know, Draco Malfoy. 

You laugh, but I’m serious, they would totally do that.

Colin Creevy

It’s very bold of JKR to assume I care at all about Colin.

Colin’s one of the typical HP NPCs, quirky enough to be memorable, gives us a nice muggleborn student, weird kid but around enough that we remember him.

Then he dies in the Battle of Hogwarts, where many of our main characters survive, and I’m supposed to be absolutely devastated. COLIN IS DEAD, FRED IS DEAD, THE WORLD IS SO SAD.

We barely know Colin, his dying is just there to wrack up the red shirt numbers and make the last book of Harry Potter feel more like an actual war with actual consequences.

Sad that he died, but certainly not a tear jerking moment for me.

[landonkirbyappreciation]

Hi I hope you're doing well. So I'm new to Tumblr because I want it to get on a site that doesn't have so many toxic antis on it. So far I haven't ran into any here which is a good sign and people have been really friendly which I love. But I have to say your blog and your Handon haven blog is like my new safe haven for all things Landon and Handon. I just love your gifs and thoughts.

Also I apologize if you have already answered something like this before. But ever since the start of s2 this has been on my mind. But why do people hate Landon so much? I really don't want to believe it's all because of a ship. And their reasons for hating him and saying that he's "a bad boyfriend" makes zero sense. All the reasons they have are him having basic human emotions. He gets upset when he has every right to be he's a horrible person and bad boyfriend. He goes to take a walk to avoid a fight or after a fight so that means "he's leaving her once again." I think the one I've seen the most is how back in s1 when Landon found out Hope has been lying to him about his mom. And people say "he didn't have to ask her about that right then. And he sure didn't have to walk away either." I think the only way I could agree with that is if Landon found out about hours ago and then waited until that moment to say something. But the fact is he found out only moments before hand. He was clearly hurt and upset and after finding out something like that I don't think him or anyone else could have waited at ask about that. And once he was showing basic human emotions. So it makes perfect sense that he would go take a moment for himself. But there's no doubt in my mind that if Hope actually cared about that pageant and wasn't just doing it for Lizzie, that he would have stayed even though he was upset and did the pageant with her. And the list only goes on like that, Landon shows emotions he has bad person and boyfriend. When in fact it's the exact opposite. I swear the way antis try to make Landon sound you would think there was an episode that came out that only antis got to see where Landon commits mass murder, cheats on Hope with dozen different women while drowning puppies for kicks of it.

In 3 seasons the worse thing he did was unknowingly stole a knife and then lied about it because he was scared. That's it that's the only bad thing he's done. Everything else was him doing everything he could to help while being there for Hope when no else was. Also people are so quick to say that Landon is a bad boyfriend but no one talks about the few times that Hope wasn't to best girlfriend(or they take those times and twist them to make Landon the bad guy). Like her lying to him about his mom, or her refusing to teach him how to fight because the monsters were back when that would be the perfect time for him to learn how to defend himself. Or her trying to send Landon to the prison world with Raph because the necromancer was back and planning something. Let me just say I'm not coming at Hope I love her to bits and I know her reasons for doing what she did was rooted in her fears and her not wanting Landon to get hurt. And I can understand that completely(but at the same time not really her best moments even if her heart was in the right place)and glad that at the beginning of s3 she was starting to let Landon to help and do more and not trying to put him in a cage so much(I hope I made sense with that one and that you understand what I'm trying to say with the Hope part. If not sorry). I just don't understand the Landon or Handon hate for that matter. Yes they have fights and disagreements like every other couple. But nothing that would warrant this much hate. These two love each other so much and would do anything for each other and they generally make each other better and happier. You can just see it when they're around each other and away from each other. And if im being honest they're one of the healthiest relationships in the TVDU. Okay there's so much more I could add and say. But I'm going to end this here before this ask gets way to long.

Once again sorry if you already answered something like this before. I know it could get annoying answering the same thing over again.

Hi! Thank you, I hope you’re doing well too! And that’s understandable, it’s way better here than other places, like Twitter. There can still be some hate and negativity at times, but for the most part, it’s pretty minimal. But wow, really? Aww, I’m so glad! Thank you so much!! That means a lot. ❤️

I don’t think I’ll ever understand why people hate Landon so much. I think all the hate started mostly because of ships, but has just grown from there. I also feel like people hate on him because that’s become the popular thing to do. But yeah, their reasons for hating him really don’t make any sense, there’s just no good reason to hate on him at all. Exactly, because he has feelings and has been affected by very serious things, he’s not a good person or boyfriend?? It’s so obvious that they just don’t think that Landon’s feelings matter. The times that he’s walked away were when he was really hurt, but I guess he’s not allowed to feel hurt or take care of himself? Landon isn’t one to fight, he goes to take time to calm down and to think. And it’s not like he does it all the time (despite what some people say), it’s happened a few times in extreme situations.

But yes, people have often brought up 1x14, and they don’t even try to see Landon’s side of things. People really think he should’ve waited to ask Hope? Yeah, exactly, he had just barely found out about it, how could he not have brought it up? Imagine having the kind of life that he had, where he had grown up abused and without a family or home, didn’t know who his parents were, but had that picture of Seylah and always wanted answers. He had wanted to meet her his whole life and know why she had given him up, because that affected his entire life. And then to find out that he had met her and gotten answers only to have it all wiped away? And that Hope had been lying to him about it after the issues him lying to her about the knife had caused? And how they had agreed to be honest with each other? If people can’t understand how that must have made him feel and why he was so emotional that he had to leave, and think that he should’ve just stayed at a pageant that neither him or Hope wanted to participate in, then idk what to say. And true, it’s possible if he thought Hope actually cared about the pageant that he might have forced himself to get through it. But I don’t think he should’ve been expected to either way, he was obviously very hurt and overwhelmed. He shouldn’t have had to stay when he was feeling all of that. Because it was still about his mother and his life and being lied to vs. a pageant. And Hope shouldn’t have had to stay either when she was feeling so upset and panicked too, it was Roman who convinced her to stay when she didn’t have to, which just made it worse.

And Landon’s reasons for walking away the other times were just as valid. Hope doesn’t tell him who she is for months, after he’d been struggling while she was gone, had been killing himself, and was still in love with her but didn’t know it. And then realized she’d let him be with Josie, which also might have made him question how Hope felt about him? That all must have been very shocking, but antis think he’s not allowed to be upset? Same with when he lost his brother/best friend and his powers all in one day, turning his life upside down and leaving him scared about his future with Hope. He takes time for himself in these situations and people are outraged. It’s so clear that they don’t care about his feelings at all. If he reacts to anything, even though his reactions are perfectly reasonable, they attack him. Seriously though, idk what show they’ve been watching, because they really do make him sound as if he’s done absolutely horrible things with the way they talk about him.

So true, and another reason he lied about the knife was because he felt influenced by it as well. Because he had said it was like “the knife wanted me to steal it and then it wanted me to lie.” So not even that was his fault. Exactly, he’s not done anything bad. And he’s not perfect, but he does always have good intentions and tries to do the right thing. And yep, he’s been there for Hope more than anyone too.

And I agree when it comes to Hope. I love her too, but she’s not perfect either, but no one says anything about it. They seriously do just twist everything to make Landon look bad while not acknowledging when Hope hasn’t necessarily made the best decisions. And yeah, I understand her reasons for all that she did too and that she just wanted to protect Landon. She had good intentions as well, and was also scared, so I totally get that. But some of what she’s done hasn’t always been the best for Landon, like with her lying about Seylah, or her not wanting to train Landon to fight, which would’ve been very beneficial to him (especially this last season when he was in the prison world). But yes, she has been able to handle that sort of stuff better and has let Landon do more over time, which is good. And you did make sense, I do understand what you’re saying. So I can see both Hope’s and Landon’s side of things. It just bugs me when people only ever choose to see Hope’s side while ignoring Landon’s.

Agreed, I’ll never understand the Landon or Handon hate either. And yeah, they have disagreements, but they also grow from those disagreements. Like every time they’ve had one, they talk things out and just get stronger. So it’s helped them to communicate and understand each other better and know how to move forward together. And exactly, they both make each other so happy and they bring out the best in each other. And ikr, they are one of the healthiest TVDU couples, that’s why it baffles me when people have such strong reactions when it comes to Handon, and will call them toxic, etc. Were they not around for TVD/TO? Have they not watched them? Because if they’re so bothered by such minor things with Handon, you’d think they’d explode if they saw what happened with some of the other couples from the other shows.

And it’s fine! I’ve posted about all kinds of stuff, so I may have talked about some of this before, but can’t remember tbh haha.

[peachyteez]

death’s grip ≫ DAY FIVE, YES.

the tiger hybrid managed to escape from south korea’s top illegal hybird ring fights. of course, they didn’t let him go so easily. losing his chasers in a forest, covered in blood—his and others’—he decided to accept his fate of death from his wounds until a female and two other hybrids managed to take him from death’s grip.

PART OF THE HEAVEN SERIES.

✧ taglist: @defsoul15, @jaeminbluee, @joongiebug, @sunsethw4, @t-tbinnie, @chanyeolol, @danibookmarks, @hello-its-ya-boi, @murralyn, @alienmashup, @panini, @moon8894, @koasworld, @taetae123094, @luv3rxcha, @treasure-hwa, @etherealbyeol, @hwaseongzzz, @lovely-sanie, @orbitiiny, @deep-ocean-dweller, @babydolljo, @ms-starlight

can’t be tagged: @yoongisleftboob

feel free to let me know if you would like to be added to the list! :)

✧ notes: perhaps i kinda teared up while typing this up...

✧ WARNINGS: mentions of killing, death, and blood

back。| next。

“what do you mean, you know?” jiyu asked. she definitely isn’t expecting the news this early in the morning.

“they told me yesterday,” hongjoong explained. “how i almost...died.”

jiyu didn’t say anything, only letting out a small sigh before dryly chuckling. “that would explain why they were so nice yesterday at home.” she did find it strange how seonghwa and yunho were so behaving and nice when they came home the previous evening. 

sensing her shift in mood, hongjoong worried that they had upset her and that the two could end up getting punished because of him. “wait, please don’t punish them—”

jiyu’s eyes widened at his words and she put her hands up in front of her. “woah, woah, woah, it’s okay, hongjoong. i’m not mad nor am i going to punish them,” she reassured. she softly smiled. “they didn't do anything wrong. i was actually trying to find a way and time to tell you without upsetting you, but i guess they beat me to that.”

hongjoong shifted his gaze out to the window. “you, know...they helped me open my eyes a little,” he meekly admitted. intrigued by his words, jiyu took a seat on the chair next to the bed. “i don’t know what they went through, but they seemed to have put their faith in you. i’ll be honest, at first, i didn’t know why—why trust humans again when all they’ve done is inflict both mental and physical pain on you? but...they seemed so earnest to defend you when i asked why you never told me i almost died.”

jiyu intently listened.

“and surprisingly enough, i couldn’t be mad at you for keeping that from me. even though i thought you were trying to defend my former owners by keeping my potential death a secret. i think deep down, i had unconsciously given you my trust a long time ago. i was just too prideful to admit or acknowledge it.”

jiyu licked her lips before carefully explaining her intentions. “you had just woken up a few days ago and i didn't want to suddenly drop the bomb on you that you were literally teetering between life and death. you could’ve gotten too emotional to think rationally and hurt yourself and others on accident...that’s why i kept it,” she slowly reached up and gently rested her hand on his head. he didn't flinch away. “but i guess, in a way, i was trying to defend humans, too. it would’ve been hypocritical of me to tell you that you almost died from humans when i’ve been telling you that there’s good ones out there,” she wryly smiled. 

“but never forget. i always had your well-being in mind, hongjoong. i never had reasons to hurt or go against you.”

hearing her confession, along with relief, hongjoong felt a small tug of guilt in his gut. he never told her who he was or where he came from. his presence in her life could be a danger, yet he never said anything. 

he took a deep breath before looking into her eyes. “i used to be part of an illegal hybrid ring fighting group.”

jiyu’s eyes widened again. searching his face for any signs of a joke, she found none. but she did notice his hesitance on continuing. “you don’t have to—”

“no...i think you should know,” he insisted before taking a deep breath. “i was part of the...blood pirates.”

jiyu could’ve sworn she almost fainted right there and then. blood pirates? that one illegal organization that never got caught? the one that illegally collected hybrids for their fights? she had so many questions. how did he escape? where were the blood pirates based?

hongjoong told her everything. “my parents were also part of the blood pirates. but there was a catch...i had to kill them as my final test for my training. i had to kill them...or they would kill all three of us.”

jiyu gasped in horror. hongjoong took a deep breath and continued. “after that, i locked all my emotions away. i lost touch with myself and i just...killed. i killed one after the other with no remorse. i thought that’s how life worked—only the strongest could survive, and that’s how i managed to survive for the past who knows how many years,” his ears drooped in sadness at recalling such chilling memories. “i hated it. the chanting and cheers of the crowd, the look of my opponent’s face right before the life slipped out of their eyes, how my hands were stained red after—” his voice broke with emotion. peering over at his face, jiyu realized he was holding in his sobs.

“i didn’t want to kill them...” he whimpered, staring down at his hands. hands that had once been stained with the blood of his opponents as he fought for his life. “i just fought to live. to see the sunrise the next day. but then i remember that they couldn’t; they couldn’t see the sunrise like i could. they weren't in the basement with me anymore. instead,  they come back in my dreams, and i hear their voices haunting me. i’m a monster. a killer.”

listening to hongjoong and watching him bring his knees up to his chest as he cried, her heart broke. no one should have to go through that. no one should have to fight just to see the next day...no hybrid should ever have to live in fear and constantly think that today might be their last. nor should they ever have to think they were a monster.

before he could react, she stood up and wrapped her arms around him. she rested her chin on his head and comfortingly pat his shoulder. she couldn’t see his face, but she knew he must’ve been surprised with how he had tensed up. 

“you’re not a monster, hongjoong. you did what you had to do to live. anyone would've done that,” she reassured. “it’s in our nature to do whatever it takes to survive. life’s precious, you only get one chance. and i’m sure your...opponents knew, too. it’s not your fault, hongjoong. you’re not a monster or a killer. the guilt you feel for having to take their life—that just shows that you have a heart, feelings,” she peered down at his glossy eyes. “have you ever considered that they might’ve come back to watch over you? rather than haunt you?”

by that point, even jiyu was crying. crying at the thought of how the tiger hybrid had endured so much pain by himself. he had no one by his side to help him. the other hybrids with him had the same goal. to live. befriending each other would’ve made them too emotionally attached to each other to kill. 

feeling her tears land on his cheek, it only prompted his unshed ones to fall. he buried his head in her neck and cried. cried out all of the tears he had for the ones he killed, cried out the despair and hopelessness he’s felt ever since he was old enough to process the world around him. but most importantly, cried at the thought of being finally being safe and away from the bloody, heartless world he came from. 

she held him close. despite being an adult, he seemed so small, so childlike as he hugged her and cried. rocking him from side-to-side, she ran her fingers gently through his hair and whispered comforting words to him. “they’re in a better place, joong. i promise. they’re free from the pain.”

feeling his body shake in her arms from his sobs, it took every ounce of strength for her to not sob along with him. she had to stay strong. she had to keep him grounded. a while had passed; hongjoong’s cries filling the room with jiyu comforting him.

she suddenly stopped combing through his hair. “would you like to come home with me?” 

hongjoong pulled away from her at the question. “w-what?” he sniffled. 

she grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and gently dabbed his tears away. “i know it’s sudden...but would you like to come live with us three?” she asked. “i’m not forcing you to, it’s a hundred percent your decision. i just realized you don’t have anywhere to go after you’re discharged here.”

hongjoong blinked, slowly processing her offer. his heart raced with happiness. he wanted nothing more than to spend his days in her safe presence, to spend his days getting to know seonghwa and yunho. but deep down, he felt something holding him back. 

“b-but the blood p-pirates...” he managed to stutter out. he was terrified of what could happen if they found him again. he didn’t want to endanger three innocent people just because he was selfish and wanted to experience heaven for a while longer.

“don’t worry about them. if they ever show up, i have a lot of connections,” she smiled, a mysterious hint to it. hongjoong grew curious. connections? what kind? who was she?

“besides, if you were alone in the forest that day, they probably presumed you were dead,” she reasoned. “bottom line is...you’ll be safe with me, hongjoong. with us; me, seonghwa, and yunho. i swear on my life. so...what’s your answer?”

hongjoong stared deep into her eyes, trying to find signs of uncertainty—heck, he was even waiting for her to say it was a joke and that she would never adopt him for who he was. but she didn't. she stared back; an unwavering and determined expression. she was dead serious. 

was he ready to start a new life? was he ready to leave his old life behind and start again from scratch with a new family? does he deserve this second chance after all the lives he’s taken?

suddenly, a little voice, as clear as day, rang next to his ear. yes. all of a sudden, it was like every fiber of his being and soul was pushing him to accept. feeling a slight breeze blow past him, he felt at ease. maybe jiyu was right; they were watching out for him, looking over him despite their tragic ending by his own hands. 

“hm, where did that breeze come from?” jiyu frowned, seeing that the window was still closed. she looked back down to the hybrid on the bed in front of her before smiling and extending her hand towards him. “so? will you join us?”

with his ears perking up with a newfound burst of energy and his tail waving around with anticipation at his new future, he slowly reached out with his own hand and clasped her’s. “yes.”

she grinned. “well, seonghwa and yunho will definitely be excited as i am about you joining our family.”