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desertdollranch · 2 years ago

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Hey dollies! Let’s do our own year in review post for the fandom!

2022 has been a very eventful one for American Girl fans!

I’m doing this wrap-up of the year simply because of how many changes and surprises we witnessed from AG. Looking at the data, a new direction from the company began in 2020, they seem to be trying to re-capture the unique and special qualities they first brought to the world 36 years ago. At the same time, though, they’re not purely just repeating what they’ve done in the past. They’re trying entirely new things and introducing new products in order to keep the brand fresh, contemporary, and full of surprises.

The year kicked off, as it always does, with the introduction of the new Girl of the Year. Towards the end of 2021, we here on Tumblr had racked our brains trying to figure out why American Girl had trademarked two full names, and we speculated on the possibilities: could it be twins? Was it a brother and sister pair? We were pleasantly surprised to finally meet Corinne Tan and her younger sister, Gwynn. Corinne debuted a new face mold made specifically for her, and Gwynn was released as a 14-inch doll. This marked the first time that sibling characters were released together! Their story centers around their lives in Aspen, Colorado, and the winter sports they enjoy. We also learned about their struggles of having divorced and remarried parents, their training of a search-and-rescue dog, and the racism they face that reflects the experiences of real Asian-American children. American Girl partnered with the organization AAPI Youth Rising to shine a light on the good they’re doing to make the world a better place for Asian American and Pacific Islander children in the United States.

To round out the summer, we were then blessed with the presence of Claudie Wells, a new historical character from 1922 in the Harlem neighborhood of New York City. This came as a surprise to nearly no one; we here on Tumblr have spent years discussing, yearning for, and dreaming up a Harlem Renaissance character. We did a pretty good job of predicting a character just like Claudie! Click here to read that post that summarizes our predictions and how many of those elements we got right!

We also welcomed back our dear retired friend, Molly McIntire, and lots of pieces from her original collection! While it’s happened a few times before that beloved older characters have been brought out of retirement, it has always happened alongside a major revamp of the character, with new outfits and accessories. Think about Samantha being brought back with a pink dress. But this was the first time that parts of a retired character’s original collection have been re-released alongside her. That is also a very encouraging sign that American Girl may someday do the same for other long-retired characters. I’m sure all of us would love to see the return of Kirsten Larson, who has been put away in the archives for more than a decade now.

The final big surprise this year was the complete revamp of the Truly Me dolls. If you’re not familiar with them, Truly Me is the name for the line of dolls who are sold nameless and without character backgrounds. They are available with a variety of face molds, skin tones, and hairstyles so that you can choose one who looks like you, or one who doesn’t. They’re specifically meant for you to be creative and come up with your doll’s story and personality. This year, all the existing Truly Me dolls were retired and sent into the archive--and they were replaced with 25 brand new dolls with new looks! Newer face molds were added to the line, as well as the long-retired Marie-Grace face mold, a fan favorite that has had high demand on the secondhand market ever since its last production in 2014. Many of the dolls have colorful hair and all but four have extra painted-on eyelashes.

In smaller news, American Girl launched a podcast network with several new podcasts covering several topics. For news and behind-the-scenes discussion, there’s The American Girls Fan Club. And Ten-Minute Mysteries presents a reading of novel-length historical mysteries. The Smart Girls Podcast expands upon topics covered in the A Smart Girl’s Guide To.... series of nonfiction advice books geared at a slightly older child audience.

Now, for my favorite part.... running the numbers! I do this pretty frequently. Check out my #data tag to see posts like this one if you enjoy that sort of thing.

So I’m sure it’s no surprise to know that 2022 takes first place for the number of new dolls released by American Girl.

That includes:

2 Girl of the Year: Corinne Tan and Gwynn Tan

2 historical characters: 1922 Claudie Wells and the re-release of 1944 Molly McIntire

25 Truly Me dolls: numbers 100-124

2 mini baby dolls: Blix and the second of two Caring for Baby sets

1 limited edition holiday doll: Sapphire Splendor

1 WellieWisher: Bryant

That is a grand total of 33 new dolls! The only categories that didn’t have a new doll release in 2022 were Bitty Baby, World By Us, and 6-inch mini character dolls.

Here’s my original post from summer 2021 that calculates the average number of dolls released each year. I was a little more strict with the numbers I used, so the average is perhaps a tiny bit lower than it could realistically be. Either way, at the time of that post, the average number of new dolls released each year was approximately 4. With complete data from 2021 and 2022 included, and expanded to include all categories of dolls (not just 18 inch and including all special editions), that number actually goes up to 5.2 new dolls released per year! That’s a big increase!

Before this year, 2009 saw the most abundant release of dolls, with a total of 23. That includes 20 Truly Me dolls (#s 33-52), 3 Girls of the Year (Chrissa Maxwell, Sonali Matthews, and Gwen Thompson), and 1 historical (Rebecca Rubin). Taking third place was 1995, when the first 20 original Girl of Today dolls were released. After 2009′s generous offerings, the number of new dolls began to plummet, and came close to the average.

It’s becoming quite obvious that the 2020′s are a new era. 2019 gave us only 3 dolls in 2 categories (Girl of the Year and Truly Me), and only 3 years later we've got 33 dolls in 6 categories. In fact, in 2022, more dolls were released than in 2021 and 2020 combined!

For 2021, dolls released included:

1 Girl of the Year: Kira Bailey

3 World By Us characters: Makena Williams, Maritza Ochoa, and Evette Peeters

1 Caring for Baby 8-inch doll

3 Truly Me dolls: 89, 90, and 91

2 Winter Princess dolls

6 re-released historical characters as 35th anniversary limited edition dolls

1 new Sparkling Ballerina blonde-blue eyed doll available in a Costco doll-and-accessory gift package (the other three released were existing and re-dressed Truly Me dolls; the blonde one was the only unique doll never before released) (this is what I mean when I say I’m deliberately being very generous with the numbers)

That’s a total of 17 dolls. Which is still higher than average! And we’re seeing a lot more categories of dolls as well! Holiday and anniversary special edition dolls, 8-inch baby dolls, and World By Us are all newly introduced in the 2020′s.

In 2020 itself:

1 Girl of the Year Joss Kendrick

1 Historical character Courtney Moore

1 Holiday Limited Edition Sugarplum Fairy

6 Truly Me dolls 83-88

Courtney’s mini Molly doll

3 limited edition “Swarovski Crystals Couture for a Cause” dolls: Sweet as a Rose, Fuchsia Feathers, and Boho Chic

Elf on the Shelf doll

For a total of 14 in 2020, and so that’s a total of 31 in 2020 and 2021 combined. Even if you’re going to point out that maybe Molly shouldn’t be counted as a new release, 2022 still wins. But what a difference that’s making to the numbers! The average number of dolls released in the 2020′s is 21.3 dolls. So it’ll be interesting to see how many we’ll get in 2023! Likely the number will be smaller than it was this year. There are only so many times an entire category can be revamped the way Truly Me was.

Partnering with other brands, charities, and institutions is also an upwardly moving trend. This year, AG had numerous collaborations in the release of new products and books. Those include:

Janie and Jack

LoveShackFancy

Harry Potter

Swarovski

Harlem Fashion Row

Harlem School of the Arts

Kidcraft

AAPI Youth Rising

HBO Max

Cartoon Network

To sum up the partnerships:

Swarovski is a returning collaborator for the fourth year in a row, having first made an appearance on an American Girl product in late 2019, when three $5000 special edition dolls were released, each wearing a gown adorned with Swarovski crystals. They did the same for the special edition dolls in 2020 and 2021.

Janie & Jack and LoveShackFancy both produced seasonal mix-and-match clothing collections for the Truly Me line.

Partnering with Harry Potter branded doll clothing was a surprising move that disappointed a lot of fans who disagree with series’ author JK Rowling’s derogatory public statements about the trans community. American Girl as of yet has not responded to any criticism about this partnership, and in fact completely ignores all critical comments on their social media.

Harlem Fashion Row collaborated with AG to make parts of Claudie’s collection, including three outfits inspired by the 1920′s.

To celebrate Claudie’s release and to pay tribute to the neighborhood she called home, American Girl is accepting donations to Harlem School of the Arts.

Kidcraft partnered with AG to make the multi-story Luxury Dollhouse sized for 18 inch dolls, which I’m surprised hasn’t happened until this year.

Cartoon Network and HBO Max are producing a movie based on Corinne’s story. That is set to release some time this month.

So that about wraps it up for this year.

I know I’m not speaking only for myself when I say that I’m excited about what 2023 will bring. I’m certain we’ll get some nice surprises. The new Girl of the Year will likely break ground in some way. Claudie’s collection will expand. Maybe we’ll see a retired historical character brought out of the archives, with a restored collection. And there’s a strong possibility of seeing one or more entirely new historical characters released.

If I didn’t mention your most memorable moment of this year, feel free to chime in!

#year in review #american girl #american girl dolls

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pankomako · 1 year ago

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propaganda post for @group-oc-tournament :P

MEET THE ANCHOR BAY GANG!

They’re a group of friends who hang out around the small bayside town, often causing chaos. Because of their behavior, and likely also their wacky nicknames, the townsfolk assume they’re a gang. Their story, titled Gang’s Bay, takes place roughly 7-8 years from now, and sort of just serves as something for me to play around with so there’s no set canon. Here’s a little bit about the characters:

Sharky and Shipwreck (He/they, 25; he/him, 35, real name: Daniel Boatman)

Sharky is my self-insert - essentially just me as an adult. Likewise, Shipwreck is an older, character version of my friend Failboat, who I’m pretty sure doesn’t know this exists. His content is a wild ride, you can watch here if you want. In Gang’s Bay, Shipwreck runs a dollar store called Cheap Stuff, where Sharky is his only employee. Not that they’re ever super busy anyway. Meanwhile, Sharky is the “leader” of the “gang” and is the one who gave everyone their nicknames. He likes to play into the whole gang thing, which gets him and the rest of the gang in serious trouble down the line. The rest of the gang often stop by the dollar store, whether it be to buy something or just to chat. Sometimes things get crazy between characters which causes a huge mess, frustrating Shipwreck to no end. When it comes to general work stuff, Sharky usually doesn’t want to do the things Shipwreck tells him to. At least until he threatens them with cleaning the bathroom. The two have an interesting dynamic: Sharky is the shortest while Shipwreck is the tallest. They tend to tease and annoy each other. They take turns being the more mature one. They’re both ADHD as hell. They are both incredibly stubborn. They look nothing alike yet have so much in common. They’ve been good friends for almost 15 years and support each other wholeheartedly. Shipwreck is fully willing to temporarily fire Sharky over something incredibly petty. It’s basically that squidward meme, like “me and the bestie!” [5 minutes later] “can’t stand his annoying ass”. Fun times all around!

Screwball (He/him, 24, real name: Jacob Driver)

Screwball is the unemployed one of the group. He usually repairs things for money, and otherwise has to borrow cash from his friends. He spends most of his time thinking up and executing ridiculous ideas, often with help from his best friend Juicebox. He’s somewhat inept, meaning people don’t always trust him to fix their appliances or otherwise help them, but after a montage of mistakes he ends up getting the job done. Screwball struggles with anxiety, so he has a habit of carrying around a backpack full of stuff Just In Case, including his lucky baseball bat. Aside from his reputation for his stupidity and unhinged schemes, he’s also known to throw the best and wildest parties. He also drives a teal Jeep which constantly needs repairs.

Juicebox (He/him, 24, real name: Aidan Sullivan)

Juicebox is a stoner/smoker/alcoholic 3-for-1 combo. He’s been best friends with Screwball since they were little, born and raised in Anchor Bay together. He works part-time at his dad’s bayside seafood grill/bar called Calypso’s Island. He typically works cleanup or dishwashing, and typically messes it up somehow. Or gets told off for smoking indoors. Or drinking on the job. His dad tries very hard to get him to quit his addictions, and feels very strongly about it because he too was once an addict. Juicebox is generally very laid-back and spends most of his time off work hanging out with friends, whether it be at the dollar store with Shipwreck and Sharky, helping Screwball with his latest plan, or smoking behind a building with Hot-Rod and Bubbles, or drinking at the bar with the whole gang.

Bubbles (She/her, 24, real name: Ella Rose)

Bubbles is the gum-chewing emo chick that hates to be associated with the moronic guys that are part of the gang. She generally tries to stay off to the side and keep a cool, intimidating aura about her. Her best friend is Hot-Rod, whom she dated in college, but split off with when they felt like it wasn’t working and she realized she was a lesbian. She’s also good friends with Sharky and Milkshake, who are like-minded artists. She runs a webcomic and works at the in-universe Hot Topic. She used to be a more fun and bright person in college, where most of the gang met, but issues with her family sunk her into a cold, isolating depression which brought her emo side to the extreme. She certainly needs someone to help bring the old her back, but none of the guys are the right fit as demonstrated by her distaste for their rambunctiousness.

Hot-Rod (He/him, 26, real name: Luke Brewster)

The resident car guy, Hot-Rod operates a repair shop where he fixes, repaints and refurbishes cars. His most frequent customer is Screwball, who, as previously mentioned, wrecks his Jeep all the time. Some of the other gang members drive vintage cars that Hot-Rod refurbished for them. He generally doesn't show much emotion, but will blow up if provoked. He’s also very organized and a perfectionist - everything must be in its exact place and oriented just the right way or else it’ll irritate him to no end. When he’s not fixing cars, Hot-Rod likes to paint, draw, and play the drums or guitar; although his next-door neighbor Ding tends to interrupt him. Also he’s a total bear in appearance and could probably beat you up bad.

Ding (He/him, 25, real name: Julian Gray)

Ding is basically your every-day surfer bro, with an extra heaping serving of idiot. He’s terrible at math - he thinks 2+4 is “like, what, 10?” - yet he’s a very talented graphic designer. He just makes it work somehow. Aside from design commissions, he works at a nautical supply store as a cashier as well as a watercraft rental manager. Ding lives in an RV trailer next to Hot-Rod’s tiny old house. He often tries to see what Hot-Rod is up to, even peeking through his windows and talking to him through the thin walls, which drives Hot-Rod crazy. They’re still friends though; they go to the gym together, and fish out on the bay which Sharky and others sometimes join them in. Ding owns a boat, but to no one’s surprise, he isn’t great at driving it. He talks exactly how you think he would - surfer accent, says “dude, brah, gnarly, righteous,” etc, and with kind of a slow cadence. He lost his tooth while surfing but never bothered to get it fixed, and it is always on display because his default expression is that head-empty, open-mouthed smile.

Milkshake (He/they, 25, real name: Paul Fischer)

To put it simply, Milkshake’s thing is fashion. He works at a chain clothing store, loves shopping for clothes, constantly compliments and critiques others’ fashion choices, and designs, creates and sells his own line of clothing. They’re quite fruity in their mannerisms, flicking his wrist and saying “OMG” out loud. They’re aroace but super enthusiastic about others’ romances and into smut writing. He also loves things that are super cutesy and “girly”. He once had a phase where he was super into card games, so now he’s practically unbeatable at them and knows some pretty sick card tricks. They tend to overreact to certain situations and go overboard with help; they may suggest calling an ambulance if someone so much as trips and scrapes their knee. He will also buy a strawberry milkshake anywhere he possibly can because he LOVES those things.

Final fun fact about these guys: aside from Sharky and Shipwreck, all of their first names are those of people I’ve met in the past who either I was friends with or generally stood out as cool people to me. Just makes these guys that little bit more special to me :)

If you want, you can learn more about these guys and find more art of them in the “gangs bay” tag on my blog! You can also find them on my art fight page as well. If you aren’t voting for these guys after reading all this what are you even doing /silly

#gangs bay #wrote this ahead of time hope im not too late getting it out there LOL

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 10 months ago

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Listened to a few new podcast episodes today. The Comedian’s Comedian podcast has just put out a double episode with James Acaster, which was very interesting. I think it’s his sixth and seventh time on the podcast, having previously done one single episode and two double ones. The single one was quite early in his career, then he did a double one around the time that he released Repertoire, and another when he released Cold Lasagne. Now he’s done one to talk about Springleaf and Heckler’s Welcome, and they get into Off Menu a bit. I almost didn’t listen because I haven’t heard Springleaf and I’m not into Off Menu, but I have been lucky enough to hear Hecklers Welcome and it’s absolutely excellent, so I listened to the podcasts anyway for the discussion of that, and they ended up being great. Really worth a listen.

They get into the basic Acaster story that people know if they’ve been following him enough – used to get really angry at hecklers, reached a breaking point before the pandemic, realized during the pandemic that actually he was happier not performing, then slowly started doing it again anyway but with a weird heckler exposure therapy show that is also about therapy. And in a way that was meant to be really low pressure and he’s going to just talk about what he wants and let people yell at him instead of trying to craft the perfect thing that cannot be interrupted, but in the process I think he might have created the best show he’s ever done. Maybe. It’s hard to say, since Repertoire was such an absolute masterpiece and doing the shows all together made them more than the sum of their parts. But Heckler’s Welcome might be better than the individual shows in that, I think. It’s hard to compare since they’re so different, thematically and stylistically. They’re all very good.

Anyway, James Acaster talked about that on the podcast, and I’d basically heard it before, but I thought he covered some angles I hadn’t previously heard (also, I listened to his relatively recent Marc Maron episode late last year, where he discussed basically the same stuff because it’s from the same point in his career where he’s promoting the same show, and being able to compare the two conversations really emphasizes how good Stuart Goldsmith is at interviewing and how shit Marc Maron is). They also had the time to get into other stuff, like what it’s like to be as wildly successful as James Acaster and how you decide what to do next when you’ve seemingly done it all. Acaster was, as usual, thoughtful and insightful and grounded and interesting.

There was some chat about “I realized what I was doing for my whole life was making me more scared and frustrated than happy and I was so much more relaxed when it stopped for COVID and then I asked myself why I don’t just keep feeling relaxed all the time by stopping doing it, but also it was my identity and I don’t want to be without it and maybe the only thing worse than doing it is not doing it and what if I give it up and never find anything better?” that resonated pretty hard with me personally, though I don’t think James Acaster said it with the intention of reaching someone who’s deciding whether to continue coaching 14-25-year-old amateur wrestlers at the regional to national level.

I then listened to John Robins’ first appearance on RHLSTP, because he mentioned on his radio show that he was doing it and I wanted to hear him talk for a while without the radio-friendly restrictions. I wasn’t disappointed, it was an interesting conversations. Fairly different from the Acaster one – when James Acaster talks on podcasts, he sounds like he’s choosing every word very carefully, wanting to make sure he conveys exactly what he means, to always recognize the important caveats and check his own privilege and be humble and fair. While John Robins can just barely be bothered to be careful with his words enough to avoid swearing on the radio (I haven’t actually heard him swear in the 100-ish episodes I’ve heard so far, though I do wonder if he’s ever done it and they cut it from the podcast, because I have heard him fuck up in just slightly less bad ways).

This episode also got into a fair bit of stuff I’d heard before – the basic story of Robins, which was spending years as a less successful comedian than he wanted to be/than his friends were, being upset about it, quitting and then relapsing on alcohol and gambling addictions and ruining career and relationship prospects in the process, then he finally got a radio show and that went all right. Deeply bitter about everything. There was a fairly long discussion about how he doesn’t find anything in the world more annoying than himself and he gets exhausted because he’s the only person who never gets a break from it. It got pretty darkness of Robins-y.

There was some Stewart Lee chat too, as I figured there would be, given the interviewer. That was fun, because the few episodes I’ve heard of RHLSTP I’ve heard before (Tim Key x4, Acaster and Gamble together, and that trainwreck when Stewart Lee went on) suggest that this podcast mainly consists of comedians making fun of Richard Herring for the fact that Stewart Lee doesn’t like him (which, to be clear, Tim Key and Acaster and Gamble did in a very funny way). So it was a fun change to hear Richard Herring get to have someone on his side, or at least very much not on Stewart Lee’s side.

John Robins got uncharacteristically careful with his words, and said he doesn’t want to comment too much beyond what’s in his Lee-based routine from his stand-up show, because he genuinely did have a problem with Stewart Lee, and thought about saying so on Twitter, but then decided this is something he wants to address more thoughtfully, so he avoided lashing out about it while drunk on Twitter or some shit and instead wrote his thoughts into a carefully worded routine, and he likes that that stand-up routine is the only thing he’s ever said publicly about Stewart Lee, so if Lee wants to take issue with it, he’ll have to respond to that routine and nothing else. Which was a pretty good stance to take, I think, though definitely not one he stuck to in subsequent years when he did his fairly ill-advised Twitter rant that compared Stewart Lee to Joseph McCarthy. Which Stewart Lee has responded to fairly easily, because I think John Robins has a point about him in many ways, but he isn’t Joseph McCarthy.

I also enjoyed the part where Richard Herring tried to sort of defend Lee by minimizing how successful both he and Stewart were, and John Robins was having absolutely none of it. I’ve always thought it’s a bit odd how both Lee and Herring, in their very different ways, characterize themselves as not all that successful (Herring playing more classically low status, Lee just complaining about not being mainstream), even though they both did some of the most famous comedy in Britain in the 90s and 00s. John Robins immediately shut that argument down, pointed out that they can’t be bitter about not winning the Perrier when they were too famous to be in the running for it, and then commented that in their generation everyone was going to win the Perrier just due to mathematics because there were only ten comedians who’d all win it across ten years since you can’t win it twice, and that is the kind of Robins I want to see go off on Greg Davies during Taskmaster soon.

Anyway, I also listened to the new Bugle today, and it was on top form, getting in Nish Kumar and Nato Green, two of my favourite regulars, to be highly pessimistic about everything. Good stuff. I had time to do all this today because I had a bad reaction to a COVID vaccine and called in sick to work, and I spent it listening to a lot of men be eloquently and humorously unhappy about a variety of things.

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phanfictioncatalogue · 1 year ago

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Fics That Start With C (3) Masterlist

part one, part two

call it fiction (ao3) - writtennotsung

Summary: Dan works in bookstore and Phil comes in with a request that makes Dan want to learn more about him.

Call Me Daddy - jilliancares

Summary: Phil asks Dan what his kink is, but Dan doesn’t feel so inclined to tell him.

campfire (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: dan goes camping with phil and his family. there are two beds, but they'll find a way to get around that

Can’t Have You (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Immortality grants you many wishes, but sometimes takes away the ones you cherish the most.

can't help the itch to touch- to kiss. (ao3) - thescienceofphan

Summary: Phil is Deaf and Dan sleeps around a lot. So when people see them together, they worry about Phil’s emotional well being and shame on Dan for preying on a deaf boy, but it’s not like that. Not at all.

(or an AU where deaf!phil and playboy!dan are best friends and people think they’re dating)

Capeacetic (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Just a man, his lighthouse, and the ridiculous tourist he told not to come.

Cast a Spell on You (ao3) - yellowlampshade

Summary: Hogwarts graduates Dan and Phil have been dating for three years, and that’s fine with Dan except for one thing: they’ve never done anything sexual together. Dan thinks that maybe wearing Phil’s jumper with some lace panties could change that.

(Hint: he’s right.)

Catalyst - camisadan

Summary: Phil Lester is obsessed with stars. They're a constant, a fixed point in his life of confusion. When he falls in love with the strange, messed up Dan Howell, he finds something new to obsess over.

Caught (ao3) - hygge

Summary: Just because they weren’t together anymore didn’t mean that Dan couldn’t read phanfiction while he got off, right? Or at least that’s what he thought before Phil walked into the room.

(TW) Change Will Come (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: Dan’s a depressed university student. Phil’s just a cute coffee shop barista who writes notes on Dan’s hot chocolates.

Chapped Lips and Fading Days (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan gets cancer, Phil is sad.

chemistry (ao3) - howelllesters

Summary: Based on the prompt ‘sporty!dan is lab partners with computergeek!phil and magic happens.’

Chips (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: Dan struggling with the concept that all healthy couples should fight.

Chocolate Chip (ao3) - MirabelleG

Summary: Phil works in an Ice Cream parlour and is left to the task of training the hopeless new employee who both annoys and intrigues him.

Choking On Your Alibi (ao3) - zinther

Summary: When Dan had first responded to a stranger’s roommate ad, he figured they’d be like acquaintances living together; simply exchanging pleasantries now and then. However as it happens they had quickly become good friends. But what will happen when Dan walks in on Phil hooking up with another guy?

Christmas Coming Out (ao3) - FandomFeels17

Summary: He didn't intend to come out to his mum in his future mother in law's kitchen at Christmas... But here he was, doing exactly that.

Cobblestone Walls (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Dan just wants to finish this essay, not get stuck in a library thanks to a snow storm

Colour Me Free (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: At age 25, Dan Howell doesn't want to hide anymore. The problem is, it's not exactly easy to tell your boyfriend of 7 years that you're not a girl.

Crushing on the Bad Boy - dxnhowell

Summary: In which Louise tries to help her best friend out by setting him up with his biggest crush, Phil Lester, the bad boy Quarterback on the football team. They’re total opposites, but Louise thinks Dan has a chance with him. However, things don’t exactly go to plan.

Cupcakes and a child's love (ao3) - croissantbleu

Summary: Dan is working at the bakery "The Cake Whisperer" when a man and his child come into his life. All it took was a spiderman cupcake.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfic #phan #phanfiction #masterlists #ficsc #ficsc masterlist

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spikeisawesome456 · 2 years ago

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I don’t tend to post personal things here, but I honestly don’t know where else to post this, since I don’t want to bother my friends with this all, nor do I want to bother my family, so please bare with me as I get everything off my chest. Feel free to ignore this if you want, it’s just a personal ramble about everything happening in my life, but if anyone has any advice or words of comfort, they would be appreciated.

Just a warning, this is long and rambling, so... be warned. I tried to add context, but it's a lot, oof.

So, as I stated here a few days ago, I just turned 25. And since then, everything seems to have taken a downhill tail spin to hell. Literally the night of my birthday, my dad’s appendix burst and we had to wait almost sixteen hours before it was finally dealt with. We didn’t even know what was wrong for about seven of those hours, since the hospital was hellishly crowded. I was absolutely terrified that I was going to lose my dad, who I am very close with and who does a lot for me with my various problems with anxiety and whatnot. Without him, I’d be literally lost.

Anyway, he made it through the surgery fine, but now he’s having problems with his throat and he has a cold, which is terrifying after he just went through surgery and we don’t know if it’s a major problem or something common. His doctors don’t seem super concerned now, but they’ve said if it gets worse that it could be a problem, and now I’m terrified that it will get worse.

On top of all of that, my daily life is still going on. I’m currently in grad school to get my master’s in educational counseling to hopefully become a school counselor, and I have an internship at a middle school that I have to get up early for, something I’ve not done since I middle school myself (since I had such bad anxiety in 8th grade that I developed migraines and was unable to wake up early without pain). I’ve gotten better over the years and have been waking up these past few weeks without any complications, but it’s exhausting me, especially since I’m still working part time after the internship as an after school teacher. I’m waking up at 6:35 am and am going straight through to 6:00 pm with only a half hour car ride as a break (which luckily I am a passenger for, since I don’t have a driver’s license and my dad drives me. Another thing he does for me that I’d be lost without him for).

And then, to put more complications on top of this all, my coworker is upset with me for something I can’t really change, since I’m just trying to do my job. She’s upset with me since I am fairly confident with the kids and with my role at the job, so I tend to answer the kids when they ask questions and am confident with how the program is run, since I’ve worked for the company for almost five years and have worked at this site specifically for almost two. She’s upset with me since she thinks the kids don’t respect her since I counter what she says, even though I don’t try to? I literally am just answering the kids’ questions and am doing what I’ve been told to do by our supervisor, but I guess she told the kids something that isn’t how our supervisor does things, and is upset about it? I don’t know, I’m not explaining it all right since I’m so upset by everything. I think she wants the kids to respect her more and I go against the things she says, but a lot of the things she says are wrong and even the kids sometimes know she’s wrong! She doesn’t even know the name of our set of rules, even though they’re the same at all the sites, we say them literally EVERY SINGLE DAY, and she’s been working for the company a little longer than I have! She worked with my brother back when he worked for my company, even! And she’s much older than me, at least in her mid 30’s! I just…

I don’t know. I’m so stressed about everything and I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m so stressed out and scared. I’m 25 now but I still feel like I’m a child. My internship is at a middle school and half the time I still feel like I’m one of them, struggling just to survive day to day. I literally had a kid come in today with a similar problem that I’m dealing with with my coworker, and I’m just like… what can I even do? I told my supervisor about everything, but now I’m terrified that she’s going to be upset with me over bothering her over text at 9:00 at night when she’s pregnant and sick, even though when she replied she didn’t say anything to indicate that she’s upset with me.

I don’t know what to do, but I can’t take time off to cope because there is so much I have to do. I need to get 300 hours minimum at my internship, and then I need to find another internship and get another 300 hours, and I have to finish my degree by June 2024, otherwise my degree is useless since my university “terminated” my program (DON’T even ask, that’s another problem that’s too complicated to explain), and while that seems like a long time, that’s only two more school semesters after this one. And I got lucky with this internship since one of my adjunct professors needed an intern and his school was close enough to where I live, so I’ve never had to do the whole “find your own internship” thing, which apparently my college makes us do, since my college sucks. I’m also needed at work, since my other coworker has been sick this week, and my supervisor is going on maternity leave in a couple months, and the kids need me. They miss me when I’m gone and ask where I’ve been and I don’t want to disappoint them. I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

I feel like I’m falling apart at the seams and I don’t know what to do and it’s freaking me out. I’m trying so hard to keep it together for my family, and my coworkers/supervisors, and the kids, but I still feel like I’m fifteen and lying in bed with a migraine, so terrified that I’m going to fail that I developed an excuse to make my failure not my fault. I try so hard to be confident in my work, but then my coworker comes and undermines what I’m doing, saying different rules and getting upset when I say the correct ones.

My coworker sent me this text today (pictured below) and it triggered everything in me to go off all at once, and I don’t know what to do. I know that tomorrow I’ll get up and keep going like I always do, but for tonight I’m terrified I’m going to lose my dad, and that I’m going to fail my internship, and I’m going to get in trouble at work. I’m scared I’m not doing enough and that I’ll never be enough. That what I’m doing is not enough. That I should be doing more. When my dad’s appendix burst, I couldn’t drive him to the hospital since I’m too afraid to get my driver’s license. What if that led to his death? What if my fears lead to someone’s death?

(The red spot is where my supervisor's name was, by the by. And reflection time is like a time out. I also didn't interrupt her, and I separated them because they are supposed to be separated during that time, not sitting right next to each other on a bench. Which she would know, if she FREAKING PAID ATTENTION.)

Oh! And I completely forgot about this with everything going on today, but I hurt my shoulder on Monday getting my mom's wheelchair out of the car (she has quadriplegic cerebral palsy, so she's always been in a chair. My dad usually gets it in and out of the car, but with his surgery he's unable to lift anything heavier than 10 pounds for a couple weeks, so my brother and I have to pick up the slack. I even took the day off on Monday to help out, which is another stressor for me). My shoulder has been aching for the past two days, though luckily it isn't hurting now, which is why I forgot it with everything going on, but it's still yet another thing on top of the mountain. And this isn't even all of it. But if I keep talking, I'll be here forever, and I don't want that. I will say though that sometimes I wonder if I still have anxiety, since usually I have some pretty good coping skills for my anxiety that I independently developed over the years, and it's moments like this that remind me that, yep. Still do. .-.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening to my rambling. I’ve not written something like this in years (which isn’t helping me feel any older, honestly), but it does help to get it out. Please, please be kind if you respond. I would be okay with advice, but just… be gentle if you can. So much has happened in five days and I’m struggling to handle it all. I am handling it all, but it’s a heavy load. So just… be gentle, please.

Thank you.

#Don't be too worried about me though #I can handle this and honestly just writing this has helped so much #But it's a lot and I wanted to let at least someone know how much I'm carrying #Even if it's just anonymous strangers on the internet #I'm trying so hard and I'm handling it with as much grace as I can #I swear though if things don't get better with my coworker I'm taking a leave of absence #Kids and income be damned #I hate it since I love these kids so much but I need to take care of myself and I don't need problems with my coworker #Especially since this isn't the first coworker I've had problems with #I've literally had problems with coworkers every year I've worked at my company #At what point do I acknowledge that it may be me that's the problem? Or is it not me?#I tend to have problems with people who don't follow rules since I'm very orderly and structured. So if they don't follow the rules I can't #function well #Ugh I don't know #But yeah if this doesn't get resolved I'm taking a gosh darn break from this nonsense #I'm doing well with the internship so I can just focus on that for a little while god

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gracelaramusings · 8 months ago

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Day 1 (Part 1): Off to South Korea!

I’ve travelled great distances to eat good Korean food. Perhaps the longest to date: about three hours somewhere between Banff and Jasper, in Canada. This is before the days of internet, so the Korean place was probably listed in some flyer we picked up at a rest stop as we drove northward. “Let’s go to a Korean restaurant!” And as the navigator, I probably did not mention the fact that it was a three hour ride away… I don’t remember if it was good or not, but I know I loved going there.

You must understand, it’s hard to come by good Korean food in Israel. There used to be an authentic restaurant down a dark alley in Tel Aviv, which later closed down. Now another has opened, and while it satisfies my craving for some fermented Korean pickles, it still does not make me go wild. I’ve ordered from a wonderful vegan Israeli who, like me, loves Korean food— so much in fact that she perfected the art of making and selling it. I’m the buying type. But the fact that she is located way down south makes me need to plan any kimchi cravings in advance.

So now I’m going a bit further for some good kimchi. Flying Ethiopian Air, first to Addis Ababa from Tel Aviv, then Seoul. All together, I think about 18 hours.

OK, I admit it. It’s not just for kimchi. I am DEFINITELY not a K-pop person, nor do I know much about Korean culture. I do love roasted barley tea, and just ordered another batch to be sure I don’t run out. There is something so very soothing about roasted, fermented, barley tea. (If you haven’t had it, do try!) Actually, not to belittle the fact that South Korea is an exciting destination… technically, it is a stopover for our central journey to the Philippines.

The credit for the route goes all to Yuval, who posed the idea of cool stopovers there and back. So, that is precisely what we are doing: two days in Korea before heading off to Puerto Princesa on Palawan island in the Philippines. On the way back, Singapore, here we come!

I write this from the plane to Addis. When I heard the cheapest, best, shortest flight for the route would be via Addis on Ethiopian Airlines, well, let’s say I had reason to rejoice. Yup, I love Ethiopian food even more than Korean food! But rest assured, I have found extraordinary, local cooks in Israel who prevent the need for long plane rides to satisfy that food craving. The fact that I’ve worked with the Ethiopian Jewish community for some 25 years, but have not yet been in Ethiopia, is somewhat of a sore spot for me, and even a slight embarrassment (How can I be an expert on Ethiopian Jewry without seeing first hand where they’ve come from?) So now, too, I can say… I’ve been to Ethiopia! (OK, just the airport, but still… one day, for sure I’ll come back. Really.

So I’ll share my travels of the next three weeks with you, as I discover what lies ahead. I’ve had no time to plan much of anything, nor to do any homework. Can’t wait to see what I learn and experience! Who knows, maybe I’ll do a course in vegan Korean cooking?

South Korea, here I come!

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lesfeldickbiblestudy · 2 years ago

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Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 2 * PART 2 * BOOK 72 THE BIG PICTURE PRE-TRIBULATION RAPTURE (CONTINUED ...) - 2 I Cor. 9:17; Eph. 1:10; Eph. 3:2; Col. 1:25 Okay, it’s good to have everybody back. We can get on with our second program this afternoon. For those of you joining us on television, again we just ask you to take your Bible and follow with us verse by verse and take notes. Because all we try to do is encourage people to study on their own. And my, the rewarding phone calls we get that once they get started, they have to admit it is down right fun to learn how to study your Bible. I think a lot of people are afraid of their Bible, because they’re afraid it is judgmental and it’s going to condemn them and all these other things. Well, once you get into a right relationship with the Lord, why that’s the last thing that you’ll find. Instead, it’s just a thrilling, unfolding of God’s plan of the ages. And they can scoff all they want, but the more we study, the more we see how supernaturally this Book is put together. Okay, we’re still on the same theme, and will be for several more programs, of why we feel that the Body of Christ out of this Age of Grace will have to be taken off the planet before God can resume His finishing up the time frame with Israel. We’re going to show how this is a unique dispensation. This is a unique period of time in World History where God has turned from His covenant people, Israel, and has set them aside for a season. He has put them in a dispersion which we have sort of seen come to an end. Now there are still a lot of Jews out there, but a lot of them have already come back to the homeland. Like I mentioned, I think a week or two ago, why in the world do you suppose that little nation of five or six million people is in the news every day. The first page I turn to in the Daily Oklahoman is the World News and there it is—something pertaining to Israel or the Palestinians. Well, there are other places in the world that have got problems. My, look at Darfur down there in Africa and the little island of what we used to call Ceylon, it is Sri Lanka now. They’ve had civil war for forty years. It’s never in the news. And there are other areas, but the little land of Israel is in the news every day. They are hated! There is more anti-Semitism coming up every day, which has been, of course, the satanic ploy to try to keep God’s program from moving forward. This reminds me of something I just shared with one of the guys at break time. I read something yesterday that not only disturbed me, it almost made me angry. And no wonder they say we’re no longer a Christian nation. A poll has just been taken. Now this was just in the last few weeks. Now I don’t know which party to mention first, because I don’t want this to be partisan, because one was just as bad as the other. But anyhow, I think it was the Democrats, only 30% agreed there is a literal, physical Satan. The Republican’s weren’t that much better—33%. Almost one third of both parties do not recognize Satan as anything to be dealt with. No wonder we’re in trouble. Because this Book is full of his activities. II Corinthians 4, what does it say? “The god of this world has blinded the eyes of them that believe not.” Well, who’s the god of this world? Satan. I’m just flabbergasted to think that 66% of our politicians, Republican and Democrat alike, do not believe in anything pertaining to Satan. Well, I’ll tell you what; they’re going to get a rude awakening one day, aren’t they? So anyway, let’s go back and pick up where we left off. We’re going to move ahead and we’re going to spend our time on a review, which we covered 8 or 9 years ago when we went through all this verse-by-verse. So, it’s about time we get some fresh production on this – how that during this dispensation of the Grace of God, not only is the plan of salvation made more simple, but the whole idea of the Christian life. What it means to be in Christ and Christ in us.

We’re going to be looking at all these things over these next several programs. That will lead us up to the fact that we have to be taken off the planet in the Rapture so that God can pick up where He left off with His covenant people. All right, in Ephesians chapter 3 and we were down about in verse 4. Ephesians 3:4-5 “Whereby, when ye read, (That is this letter of the Ephesians especially, but all of Paul’s epistles.) ye may understand my knowledge (Or, as I showed at the closing moments of the last half-hour, Peter called it what? His wisdom) in the mystery of Christ) 5. Which in other ages (or other dispensations, or other generations) was not made known (Now look at that closely. And I hope we’ve got it on the screen—how that in other ages these things were not made known.) unto the sons of men, (That is to the human race.) as it is now revealed unto his holy apostles and prophets by the Spirit;” Now of course, when Paul refers to apostles, he’s not referring to the Twelve. He’s referring to the men who were part and parcel of his ministry—Barnabas and Silas and Timothy and Titus and others of the early churches who worked with him in the ministry. All right, now let’s look at a companion passage. Drop back to Romans chapter 16. Keep your hand in Ephesians. We’re not through here yet, but come back with me to Romans chapter 16, where he says almost the same thing, and see, this is what most of Christendom totally ignores. They don’t want a thing to do with it. They don’t know what you’re talking about when you talk about the mysteries revealed to the Apostle Paul. But over and over this is the thrust that Paul has of why his apostleship is different than anything else in Scripture. And yet, as Peter said in that same portion, where we didn’t have time to read, all of Paul’s epistles are Scripture. Now, that’s what Peter was inspired to write, that Paul’s epistles are Scripture just as much as the rest of the Bible. So, don’t ever think, well, he probably shouldn’t even be in our Bible. Don’t you kid yourselves. He is in here by the virtue of the work of the Holy Spirit. Romans 16:25a “Now to him that is of power…” Now there again, that is something that Israel never understood, the power of the Holy Spirit. That’s why they couldn’t keep those Ten Commandments. They were always being defeated because they had no power to overcome the flesh. But see, that’s a dispensational truth for us in the Church Age—that the moment we become a believer, the Holy Spirit comes in and He empowers us to be obedient to the commands of God. They didn’t have that before. Romans 16:25a Now to him that is of power to establish you (That is spiritually, biblically, theologically. However else you want to put it.) according to my gospel….” Do you see that? Paul’s gospel of salvation, not Jesus’ gospel of salvation or Peter’s or John’s. Not the words of Jesus or Peter or John, which again Peter could just as well have said “Well, go back to John. Go back to Peter. Go back to what Jesus said.” But he didn’t! He says you go to Paul. Well, that’s the way God would have it. Romans 16:25b “…to establish you according to my gospel, and the preaching of Jesus Christ, (And of course, Paul only knows Jesus Christ and Him crucified, buried, and risen from the dead. So, that’s the Christ he’s talking about.) according to the revelation (or a revealing) of (What again?) the mystery, (Over and over we see that word in Paul’s writings.) which was kept secret since the world (or the ages) began,” And the sad part is that Paul’s salvation message and all the other truths he writes about are still a mystery to most of Christendom. Now this is what we have to understand, otherwise I’m wasting my time. I might just as well close the Book and go home. We have to understand that the things that were revealed to this apostle were truths, biblical statements from the ascended Lord, which you can’t find anywhere else in Scripture. It’s not back there.

Don’t even try to find it. It’s a waste of time. Why? Because God revealed it only to this apostle, because it’s such a uniquely insulated period of time from all the rest of Scripture. Okay, now what we’ve normally done is if you were to take this timeline all the way through and ignore Paul’s epistles, this Book would be completely different than it is now. In other words - I had a guy in Florida, and I don’t know whether the Lord was pleased with it or not, but it sure appealed to me. He said, “Les, look what I’ve done to my Bible.” From Romans 1 through Philemon, which is just ahead of Hebrews, what do you suppose he did with it? He cut it out and stapled them all together. And he had a separate little book. Then he said, what I’ll do with people, I approach them with my Bible. I say, now look, if I take Paul out, and he says, I just pull it out. I hand them my Bible. Now you find me the plan of salvation for today. He says they can’t do it. They can’t do it. So then he says, I take my little Paul’s epistles and I slip it back and now you can. Well, he makes a point. I won’t totally disagree with it. Because that’s exactly the way it is. If you take Paul out, or if, as most preachers do, they ignore that section of the New Testament, they’ve got nothing for today. They have just empty words. Because what God said to Israel has no dealing with us today. We’re not under that economy. We don’t have a Temple. We don’t have a flock of sheep. We don’t have a priesthood. But, oh, that’s what they’re trying to put us under—everything that Jesus said and all that. But that was all under the Law. Just remember that this portion of Scripture is strictly for us in this dispensation of the Age of Grace. All right, so now then, if I can go back to my board, my timeline. If we could take out this portion of this time line, I’m not going to goof it up, because whoever did this, I’m not going to goof it up with my chicken tracks. But drop Paul out and you’ll see everything moves right straight on though to the final seven years of the Tribulation and the outpouring of God’s wrath on the whole human race, but it’s particularly God dealing with Israel. That will trigger the Second Coming and the earthly Kingdom. All right now, if all of Scripture is looking forward to that timeline, leaving Paul out of the picture, consequently, was there any reason for God to reveal these things? No. It was moot. It didn’t have anything to do with Israel. They were under their own set of circumstances. But you see, when Israel rejected everything and God set them aside for the dispersion, we had to have a new set of directions. It was imperative. You can’t go through a dispensation with no directions any more than you’d have a prescription filled with not knowing how much to take and when. I had a computer nut, and that’s what she called herself. She said, “We computer nuts have another word. You call it blenderizing. We call it cut and paste.” That’s what you do. You take what you want over there and you paste it over here. Well, that’s what they’re doing with this precious Book. They’re just cutting and pasting. They’re blenderizing. And I won’t have a part of that. We’re going to keep segregating all of this and keep Paul’s mysteries completely separate from all the rest of Scripture. All right, now maybe I’ve made my point. Hopefully. Let’s read Romans 16 verse 25 once more. Because some of these verses you just can’t exhaust them. It takes a long time for this to sink in. Look what he’s saying. Romans 16:25a “Now to him that is of power to establish you (spiritually, doctrinally) according to my gospel,…” And don’t ever forget, what’s Paul’s gospel? Believing in your heart that Christ the Creator, and God of the Universe, took on flesh, died the death of the cross, was in the tomb three days and three nights, and arose from the dead victorious over everything. That’s Paul’s gospel. That’s what we believe for our salvation. Why do they hate it? I can’t understand it.

Now, if I had a bunch of goo that was hard for anybody to understand, then I’d say, well, no wonder. But no, it’s so simple. That’s the problem. It’s too simple. Now it’s all been done. We don’t have to practice a “do good” religion. It’s all by Grace. Somebody gave me the latest Roman Catholic Catechism published in 1994. I read the first chapter and I was flabbergasted. I could have written it. No kidding, I could have written it. It was all by God’s Grace through faith in what God had done. If they’d have just stopped there, but then you go on into chapter 2 and there comes a little more, a little more, a little more and pretty soon, it’s what it is. But the same way with Martin Luther. What was Martin Luther’s number one tenet when he opposed the Pope? It’s by faith and faith alone. Then what happened? Well, then they bring in all this other stuff. But it is amazing how they just cannot rest on the simple Pauline truth that the Gospel alone will save to the uttermost and all you do is believe it. I think in one of my early programs I already used the illustration: aren’t you glad you don’t have to swim some wild mountain river in order to get to the place of salvation? Aren’t you glad you don’t have to climb some sheer cliff to get up there and have an approach to God? Aren’t you glad you don’t have to drum up a million dollars before you can approach God? But that’s almost what the world is making us do. You’ve got to do, do, do before God will have anything to do with you. No, that’s not it. It’s by faith and faith alone in what Christ has already done. All right, let’s read the verse on to the end of it now. Romans 16:25 “Now to him that is of power to establish you according to my gospel, (which is faith in the death, burial, and resurrection) and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery, which was kept secret since the world began,” Nobody had any idea when He came on the scene and John the Baptist announced Him as the Lamb of God that would take away the sin of the world. Did everybody say, oh, He’s going to be hung on a Roman cross. Did they know that? Well, of course not. They didn’t know what John was talking about. So, He went on through His earthly ministry. I think we looked at it the last taping in Luke chapter 18 when Jesus said we go up to Jerusalem, and everything written by the prophets will be accomplished. He will be beaten, and he will be put to death and on the third day rise from the dead. Did the Twelve understand? No. “They understood none of these things: and this saying was hid from them.” God hid it from them, because it wasn’t time. All right, let’s go quickly back to Ephesians chapter 3, again. This is all part of this revelation, a revealing placed right out in front of the human race of things that had never been mooted before. Not a word. All right, verse 6. Ephesians 3:6 “That the Gentiles should be fellowheirs, and of the same body, and partakers of his promise in Christ (Not by works, but by the what?) by the gospel:” The finished work of the cross is what does it, Beloved. Nothing else. Ephesians 3:7a “Whereof (Now here again, remember it’s the Holy Spirit who prompts him to say every individual word. Even the pronoun “I” is Holy Spirit inspired.) Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God…” Now, what does that mean? Saul of Tarsus didn’t deserve to get this role. Paul the Apostle didn’t deserve being in this role. Do you realize what he is? I mentioned, I think again in the last taping. I’m going to repeat myself and recognize that I’m repeating myself, because I’m doing it on purpose. But a gentleman that we heard preach several, oh, many years ago—we were in a church where this gentleman was a guest speaker, and he was going to preach from Ephesians chapter 2. I’ll never forget it. “And you hath he quickened who were dead in trespasses and sins.” He said, “While you’re looking that up, I’m going to make a statement.

Not counting the Lord Jesus Christ Himself, there has never lived a greater man than the Apostle Paul.” Hallelujah, I agree 100%. He is by far the greatest human being in all of human history including Moses. Now remember, we’re not including Christ. But this apostle…just stop and think…for the last 1,900 and some years his gospel has been saving people across all racial lines and across all economic levels. That’s never happened before. Do you realize how many true believers came through the Old Testament economy? Not many. Because in the first place it was limited to the Nation of Israel, and even in Israel it was only as Isaiah says, “a very small remnant” who were righteous. Where were the rest of them? Down the tube and gone. So, yes, this man has had a greater impact on more people than everything else in all of biblical history. And then he is ignored, chastised, and ridiculed. I told someone the other day. They wrote and asked me about a good book about the Apostle Paul and I said, “It’s hard to find.” You know why? I don’t think they do it intentionally, but anytime you read a book that’s more or less biographical of the Apostle Paul, they tend to show all of his frailties and all of his weaknesses. Evidently he was bowlegged and they make a big point of that—over and over how this bowlegged little Jew—well, isn’t it sad? Man, I shouldn’t have even mentioned it, should I? But the guy is just completely downtrodden when he should be elevated above any other man that has ever lived. Well, anyway, this is what he’s saying here in verse 7, “…I was made a minister.…” Now that means he was a sent one from God Himself. Ephesians 3:7a “Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God….” He had persecuted the Jewish believers so hard and so heavily that he should have never had this opportunity. But God’s Grace was greater than the man’s sin, and he came in to be this great apostle of the Gentile world. Ephesians 3:7-8a “Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God given unto me by the effectual working of his power. 8. Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, (See how he looked at himself. Paul wasn’t proud. Paul wasn’t puffed up or arrogant, not at all.) is this grace given, that I should preach among the Gentiles…” Not Israel, but the Gentiles. Now stop and think. Who were the Gentiles? They are everybody and anybody that isn’t a Jew. Not just Rome. Not just Greece. It was the whole human race who comes under this man’s apostleship, from the Orient, the islands of the sea, the north people, the Russians, and the Europeans. This is all part of the Gentile world to whom this man’s Gospel is presented. Ephesians3:8b “…that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ;” And I would like to use the term unfathomable, which means what? Can you plumb the depths of Christ’s riches? No! Could you go out into space and ever reach the top of Christ’s goodness and righteousness? Never! This is what he’s proclaiming. “The unsearchable riches of Christ.” It’s just beyond human understanding. Ephesians 3:9 “And to make all men (Not just a privileged few. Not just the rich and intellectual. Not just Israel, but the whole human race comes under the invitation of this glorious Gospel of Grace.) see what is the fellowship of the mystery, (That God would turn to the whole human race with a Gospel so simple.) to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery (or the secret. Now here it comes again.) which from the beginning of the world (From Adam nothing has ever been revealed like this before.) hath been hid in God, (the Triune God) who created all things by (Whom?) Jesus Christ.” Now, here’s another point. Do you realize that except for one or two verses in John’s Gospel, if I’m not mistaken, there is no other portion of Scripture that gives the creation act of everything to God the Son? You all know Genesis 1:1, “In the beginning God…,” and all the way up through Scripture – God.

But you see, as soon as we get to this apostle—now I haven’t got time. But when we get to this apostle in Colossians chapter 1, he makes it so plain who spoke the word of creation—Jesus Christ. And only the Apostle Paul makes it so plain. John, of course, in his gospel, John 1:1, “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God” and so forth. But nevertheless, this apostle makes it so plain that we have no shadow of doubt that the One who went to that cross and died the sin death that you and I deserved was the One who created everything in the first place. Now that’s beyond human comprehension, but that’s the truth of the matter. I’ve said it as long as I’ve been teaching. He could have named the men who drove the spikes in His hands hundreds and hundreds of years before it ever happened. I’ve got someone who always stamps his envelope with—He died on a cross of wood and created the hill on which it stood. Well, that’s exactly right. He was totally and completely the Creator of everything, and yet He was the One who paid the sin debt of the whole human race. I’ve only got a matter of seconds left. But the unsearchable riches of Christ; and to make us see the fellowship of these things that have been kept secret since the ages began. Beloved, that means what it says and it says what it means. These things had never been revealed until it came to the pen of this one man.

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f1 · 2 years ago

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Verstappen names team who will be biggest threat to Red Bull in 2023 as he targets third title

This season, Max Verstappen aims to become only the fifth driver in Formula 1 history to win three drivers’ championship on the bounce, while Red Bull look to become the sixth team to claim six constructors’ title – but can they do it? The Dutchman weighed up his team’s chances at the launch of the Red Bull RB19 in New York. Not only did Red Bull unveil the livery of their brand-new F1 contender on Friday in Manhattan, but the reigning champions revealed that Ford would be coming on board as engine partners in 2026 – befire Verstappen, his team mate Sergio Perez, reserve driver Daniel Ricciardo and Team Principal Christian Horner addressed fans and the media. FIRST LOOK: Red Bull reveal 2023 RB19 during spectacular New York launch event The 25-year-old two-time champion said he wasn’t thinking about a third title just yet. “We work hard as a team to try and make sure that we have a chance to fight for it again but only time will tell, right? I’m not even thinking about these things at the moment – because it’s more important to focus on just having a competitive car, and if we have a competitive car these things can happen. “But it’s more important to make sure the car is running well, has no issues, and is quick at the end of the day.” This feature is currently not available because you need to provide consent to functional cookies. Please update your cookie preferences Red Bull reveal 2023 car, the RB19 Verstappen added that he hasn’t seen the form of the actual RB19 that will take to the track in testing and in the opening race in Bahrain, with the car shown off in New York a temporary 'launch' version designed mainly to show off the livery. “To be honest, I haven’t seen it,” he said. “I’ve only spoken about the performance upgrades in terms of lap time of the car – but I haven’t seen any pictures or renders. I’m not interested in these kinds of things; I only want a fast car, and it doesn’t matter how it looks like to me.” LISTEN: Ferrari fire up 2023 challenger at Maranello headquarters A studio render of the Red Bull RB19 While the Dutchman took a record 15 wins and 454 points over the 2022 season, he was asked whether his main competition will come from Mercedes – who took just one win in 2022 but showed significant improvement over the season – or Ferrari, whose early form last year was then overshadowed by the dominant Red Bulls. “I think even at the end of the year it looked like sometimes they [Mercedes] had it together, and sometimes not. So, from my side, it’s difficult to say because I’m not part of the team, but I guess we’ll find out this year. If they fully understand everything they wanted to improve on the car, of course, they will be our main rival,” said Verstappen of the Silver Arrows. WATCH: Red Bull launch their 2023 season with New York car reveal “But I think Ferrari will be strong – but how strong is difficult to say. But Mercedes have shown of course over the last few years that they’ve been really, really, really strong, but they have a good group of people as well. “But I trust in my people at Milton Keynes that they can build a very strong car together with an engine as well. I hope that we again have a strong package against them.” via Formula 1 News https://www.formula1.com

#F1 #Verstappen names team who will be biggest threat to Red Bull in 2023 as he targets third title #Formula 1

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ladyintree · 11 months ago

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maybe that’s the answer to the question she’s had for years, wondering if mikayla still thought about her — wondering if she felt the same void that taissa did for so long, knowing that they should be together, but never willing to do anything about it for fear that it might stop some kind of progress she’s had. it looked like progress, it felt like progress — but as she sits next to mikayla now, she knows that that’s hardly what it was. and it makes her want to be angry at mikayla for being here at all, for reminding her that the picture perfect life she presents the public with is a lie, because it doesn't really mean anything if the love she’s supposed to feel for her family simply isn’t there. she doesn’t say anything, because there’s nothing to say to that, and most importantly, no reason for taissa to fight for it— because mikayla owes her nothing, she knows.

she doesn’t finish her sentence, but taissa understands what she’s refering to. she just doesn’t know why. when they were teenagers, and she fell in love with mikayla, taissa remembers how it felt to be that exposed, to open her heart in the way she did with one person who she could have so easily lost out there. it made her love her harder, because any day could have been their last together, and she refused to waste it — even if it meant revealing everything in her heart, in her soul, in a way that she never thought she’d ever be able to do with anyone. she remembers the first time they told each other they loved each other, how her cheeks were warm despite the freezing cold, how butterflies danced in her stomach, how even in the midst of the most traumatic conversation they could have, all she felt was love, because when mikayla said it, she believed it. she thought the same was true for mikayla, that she understood how much it meant for taissa to speak those words to her every day after, how she fell even more for her every time they slipped her lips. taissa loved mikayla like she never knew was possible, she loved her in a way that could never be taken back, never ignored, never washed away — even 25 years later, never seeing her or speaking to her in between, she still knew what it was like to love her, probably because she had accepted long ago that she would never stop.

why did it sound like she no longer believed in what they had? why does it feel like she no longer believed her? taissa’s own fault, she knows; she hadn’t given her much reason to believe in their love after rescue, but she hates knowing that mikayla would question it anyway, even now. and she’s not sure if this is the right time to fight her on it, either —- does it even matter? they’ve both moved on, at least in some way. but as hard as tai tried to lock her feelings for mikayla away in a box on her shelf, they were always there, always keeping tai from ever truly feeling it again with anyone else. as much as she wishes to forget everything that happened to them out there, she doesn’t want to forget what it felt like to love mikayla, as much as she’s told herself she’d be better off for it — and she certainly doesn't want mikayla to forget the way she was loved, either. she should be happy for her, knowing she found love elsewhere after taissa broke her heart — but a selfish part of her hopes that it was never the same for her, either. maybe she wouldn’t be alone, anyway.

❝ are you fucking kidding me? ❞ she blurts out with a scoff, her posture straightening with her annoyance as she feels that exact heartbreak rushing back to her now, angry that mikayla could even suggest that it wasn’t hard for her, too. ❝ you sure think you know a lot about me for someone who hasn’t been around in two fucking decades, ❞ she scoffs, not even intending to sound like she's blaming her, even though it’s the way she comes off. ❝ —- no. i wasn't wondering, ❞ she says, keeping her words short, trying not to fall apart at the way mikayla reveals something to her. it’s obvious that she broke mikayla’s heart, but hearing it now makes her feel so much smaller, her regrets starting to suffocate her now. ❝ i know exactly what it's like to lose the person i was in love with, ❞ she says, speaking clearly now, over-calculating the exact moment to turn her head and glance to her again. this time, she lets her glance linger, making sure mikayla knows that it’s only her that she could be talking about.

with her eyes back on the road now, she starts to feel too brave, almost enough to pretend mikayla won’t hear the words she's about to say. ❝ i know what it's like to wonder how things would be if it turned out differently. i know what it's like to compare every single girl to her. i know what it’s like to feel like i can’t ever have it back. yeah. i know what it's like. ❞ she pushes out a frustrated sigh, because she wants to believe her words are solely about her younger self, but they’re still as relevant today as they ever were. especially as the election looms closer, she’d be lying if she claimed her thoughts hadn’t drifted to mikayla every time simone reminded her that she had to go about this the right way, rejecting all of taissa’s ideas that would give her a leg up, no matter how brutal they were. mikayla would understand, she’d think, remembering the way the girl used to validate her darkest moments, remind her she’s still human despite those desires. that was easier to ignore when she hadn’t seen mikayla in years, but now, she knows those thoughts will only continue and they’ll bleed into every aspect of her life.

she knew that if she ever saw mikayla again, this conversation was inevitable. that was part of why it felt relieving to never see her again, no matter how much she longed for it — because the truth is, she didn’t have any real answers. none that would make any sense, not even just to mikayla, but to herself. her jaw clenches again and she shakes her head slowly, relieved that she’s not the same teenager she once was, when the stresses pertaining to her heart would’ve made her start to cry, because she can’t let mikayla see her like that now. ❝ how dare you—- ❞ she mumbles under her breath, her head pressing into the headrest. ❝ a monster, really? you think i’d think of you like that? ❞ she dares to glance her way again, but it makes it harder not to let the tears well in her eyes, because she can handle mikayla being angry at her, she can handle mikayla calling her out for not being there, but she can’t handle mikayla thinking that she ever saw her that way, especially after they’d once laid together, after mikayla’s first kill, and tai reassured her that she would always understand what that kind of violence meant to her — that extended beyond the wilderness, too.

❝ god. you really are full of assumptions, ❞ she mumbles under her breath. ❝ just deciding what you think is true—- ❞ she says, barely loud enough to hear. she collects herself, knowing she can’t let her anger get the better of her, not when this feels pertinent. ❝ i could never think of you that way, ❞ she says, calmer now. ❝ and, for the record, i never let anyone else think that, either. ❞ not any of the other survivors, if they’d brought it up, and certainly not any of the strangers who were so desperate for details, especially about mikayla. but defending her to everyone else, never to her face, probably isn’t giving her any clarity now.

there she goes again, and tai grips the steering wheel harder. she was never okay with anyone making assumptions about her or assuming they know what she felt or why she did the things she did— but hearing it from the person who used to understand tai’s insecurities and her fears makes it even more frustrating. ❝ useful to me? the fuck—- ❞ she blurts, again trying to reel herself back in as she takes a deep breath. ❝ is that what you think our relationship was? some kind of fucking transaction? ❞ she pushes out a breath, tongue clicking the roof of her mouth. ❝ i don’t even—- know what you mean, ❞ she says, even more frustrated that she doesn’t know which part of their relationship mikayla assumes was just convenient for tai, but she goes on anyway. ❝ — i didn't forget about you. life would've been a whole lot easier if i did, but i didn’t. is that what you want me to say? because i sure as fuck didn’t see you as just . . . useful. i fucking loved you. ❞ the past tense of ‘loved’ makes her voice falter, and it shouldn’t make her skin crawl, but it does. because it’s not true, and that’s one of the few things of her life she’s never been able to control.

everything mikayla says seems to have a double meaning, leading back to her anger at tai. she deserves it, she knows, but mikayla only has half the facts — at least this time, it’s pretty straight forward. tai didn't show up for her. but she has shown up for nat, repeatedly, even though nat never asks — tai’s loyalty to her leadership from the wilderness undying. and she’d shown up for shauna when it mattered, too — even if they didn't know how to stay in touch regularly, even though it felt like they couldn’t. she sees it now, how unfair that is to mikayla, how she could have been there for her too. but their relationship was different. it couldn't work the same, she always thought. her words sting, and she wonders—- did nat visit her? she can't be jealous that someone else might've been there for her when she wasn’t willing, though.

❝ none of us knew what we were doing on the outside, ❞ she insists, treating it like a defense for all of them, but really, it’s only for herself. ❝ we might’ve known to keep each other safe—- but we sure as hell didn't know how to be there for each other. trust me, it's been a fucking mess for the rest of us, too. i don’t talk to any of them regularly, ❞ she insists, like that's going to help, like that makes not being there for mikayla any better. it's the closest she can get to an 25-year late explanation. ❝ i don’t think any of them do. i mean, shit, you saw how damn icy nat and shauna were—- ❞ she takes a deep breath, because even she hardly paid attention to that, too caught up in seeing mikayla again. ❝ we do our best. but none of us know how the hell to be around each other anymore. i don’t blame you for leaving, ❞ she finally says, but still, it's not about this town. it's about her. she doesn’t blame mikayla for not coming back to her.

tai’s eyes roll at the explanation, even though she’s sure her wife doesn’t deserve it. they already have something in common; they know what it's like to love mikayla desousa. she wonders if calypso understands how lucky she is to be with her, the girl who once seemed so hard to reach, but when she loved, she loved hard. does she get to know that, too? how deep mikayla loves? she doesn't entertain the comment, only acting uninterested. ❝ and, that’s what you call her? no . . . nickname? ❞ she realizes it’s too far, that she shouldn’t care at all, so she scoffs and tries to let it go.

her sarcastic comment brings another sigh from tai, but she can't help wondering if there’s more she actually wants to ask. she’s not even sure if she could answer the questions if and when she does. she couldn’t answer shauna when she’d confronted her about being in the public eye, because she had considered how dangerous that was, and it’s now biting her in the ass. the stress is starting to overwhelm her, clearly enough for her to break away from herself and detach the way she did during the most stressful moments of her life, but she's still trying so hard not to think about that, because she’s not ready to accept it, still assuming that part of herself had been buried. ❝ the election's soon. ❞ though she’s using her perfectly-crafted campaign voice to make the statement, someone who once knew her very well might hear how deflated it is, because tai isn't so sure about her odds, especially after all that’s unfolding now. she just has to keep moving forward, because she's already broken simone’s trust by staying in the race, she can't let it be for nothing. ❝ so, it’ll all calm down eventually. ❞ but even she doesn’t believe that, especially if she wins —- and even if she loses.

this earns mikayla a smile, one that’s both amused and annoyed. she shouldn’t still care about taissa, not with the silence between them, but hearing her say it does still sting — and, at the same time, it’s endearing, because mikayla still has the same fire that taissa once fell in love with. ❝ when have you ever held back from the shit you want to say, anyway? ❞ she asks, mostly under her breath, still loud enough for her to hear. though, she knows — she’s been holding back for years. she never reached out either, and though tai knows it should have been on her and not mikayla, she still wonders why mikayla didn’t reach out — and more than that, she wonders how quickly she herself would have folded for her.

there’s some relief in knowing she doesn’t have kids, even if she doesn’t know why, but what mikayla says makes her feel sad, remembering all the things they’d once said about themselves. ❝ that’s what i thought, too, ❞ she admits, giving her something real — but she wishes she could add to that that she was wrong. after what she discovered tonight, she's not sure she is, thinking back to all the things she’d blamed sammy for in the last week. had she been wrong to get mad at him for the things that it seems…. she did? she wants to tell mikayla that, too — that she's a terrible mother, and mikayla should trust her own gut, to never end up in a position like this. her eyes narrow in on the road at the mention of sex with her wife, and she is bothered by it — so she hits her back, shaking her head, feigning nonchalance. ❝ there’s still plenty of time for it, ❞ she insists, though as much as she wants to be smug about it, she can’t. she keeps herself too busy most of the time, and when it is time for that, it’s as good as it can be without the spark.

from the corner of her eye, she feels mikayla move, and it makes her body shift awkwardly too. she definitely isn't expecting the question that comes out of her mouth, forcing her head to whip around and look back at her, only for a moment. she lets out a scoff as she reminds her of the blackmailer’s bruising, her mouth opening to speak, but her lips purse together when she points out the bandage on her hand. when shauna asked earlier in the night, she kept her composure. she didn’t give her an answer, she moved past it, she didn’t let her mind dwell on it. but something about mikayla asking her makes her want to break down and cry, to let it all out, to tell her how fucking terrified she is that that might be happening again. she wants to be brave, to tell herself that it won’t bother her, to make everyone else believe that these things don't get to her the way they used to, especially her, but it’s so hard when it’s her arms that she used to melt into in the darkest parts of the night, terrified out of her mind, wondering if she would even come out of any of this alive.

she lets out a breath, her head tilting up in an effort to appear strong, unbothered— but she falters again, her shoulders immediately slumping, exposing just how tired she is. none of them have slept all night— but there’s a certain kind of exhaustion written across taissa’s body and in her eyes that is all too familiar to her, and probably, to mikayla too. she saw it when she stared back at herself in the mirror as she tried to rid herself of whatever happened to her — whatever might have been happening to her for a while. she gets a small shiver at the thought, letting out a soft hum as she tries to think of the right way to answer someone whose can’t actually talk to about this anymore.

❝ —- i made sure that asshole will be feeling it more than me tomorrow, ❞ she says, trying to focus on the blackmailer instead, because as terrifying as that is, that’s somehow easier than talking about her hand. but — it’s still mikayla. and though she’s not ready to admit to anything, she has to give her something. fingers tap against the steering wheel for a second before she goes on. ❝ i’m fine, ❞ she says, glancing down as she brings her hand up to glance over it for a moment. ❝ it’s— nothing. ❞ if nat hadn’t rushed her, maybe she would have had more time to come up with a better lie, but she works quickly on the spot now. ❝ not really sure what happened. ❞ at least that's not a lie, but she doesn't want to leave an opening for mikayla to assume too much, either. ❝ i was rushing, working on something at home. got distracted—- you know, nat texted. fucking eye sore for the press to have a hay-day with, but i’ll manage. ❞

the worst part of all this isn't even the blackmail. that's bad, obviously, and fills mikayla with panic, after everything they'd all done to keep what happened in the wilderness a secret, but she's hoping that the money might buy them enough time to figure things out before anything happens. the worst part is that all the progress mikayla thought she made with moving on is gone now, no matter how much she wants to deny it; deep down, she knows she's going to feel emptier than ever, returning home to her life without taissa, knowing that she was out there, as beautiful as ever, completely unbothered by everything that happened between them. she'd known that anyway, but it's worse to actually see her, to be this close to her again and know she could never have her again.

her eyes roll, gaze cast out the window. “ yeah. there's nothing worth thinking about there. ” while it's almost entirely true, because the past holds so much hurt, especially for mikayla, who's trauma began far before she ever stepped on that plane twenty-five years ago, there used to be good. there used to be them. for the longest time after their rescue, once her hope died and mikayla realized taissa would never come for her, that's what bothered her the most— how everything that happened between them could just suddenly mean nothing. how taissa could go from being with mikayla practically every second of every day to never seeing her again and being completely fine with that, like it didn't feel as though she was missing a part of herself. the only conclusion mikayla could come to was that it didn't mean anything to taissa. mikayla was the idiot who fell, and tai just played along out of boredom, out of a lack of options.

it stings to watch taissa get so defensive of nat, not because mikayla doesn't think nat deserves it, but because she doesn't understand why she doesn't. what was so wrong with mikayla that she didn't matter to any of them? misty might have attempted to visit her, might have been the one to pick her up from prison, but mikayla knows even she doesn't actually care— that all of that had to do with misty's own need for attention, knowing that mikayla wasn't in a position to easily ignore her, the way everyone else could.

“ i'm not talking about losing them. i'm talking about— ” us, but the word gets stuck in her throat. it's for the best, because mikayla's aware of how pathetic it sounds. it's ridiculous to talk about their failed relationship so many years later, because they should both be over it by now, but it's not as if taissa ever gave mikayla the chance to talk about it before. “ you don't know what it's like to lose the person you were in love with, ” she says finally, deciding to put it out in the open: that she knows — or just firmly believes, really — that taissa never loved her. when she'd said it, she just hoped that it would make it less painful, somehow, to finally say something about it, but it hurts instead, aching with the need to ask why she couldn't, after everything mikayla did. “ it fucking sucks, in case you were wondering. ” mikayla's hesitant to admit that much, because it's far too close to confessing that tai hurt her, but she has to know that, right? she has to know that mikayla spent every day waiting for her to reach out, to do something, and that it killed her when that never happened. what she doesn't say is worse: at least natalie has the closure of knowing travis is dead, even if she's losing her mind in her attempt to figure out how; at least she knows he's not coming back, instead of fighting a five year battle with herself, torn between holding out hope and giving up, until finally, there was only one real choice.

there's no real comfort in knowing that none of the girls from her college broke her heart, because mikayla had been hoping they hadn't anyway. not because she didn't want taissa's heart to be broken — bitterly, she wanted her to know what it felt like, how much it hurt — but because that means that none of them had her heart in the first place. someone else has it now, so it doesn't really matter. now might be the chance to ask how that happened, when taissa met her eventual wife, but jumping out of the moving car would be far less painful than having to hear about the details. it was bad enough to hear the vague details from misty over fifteen years ago, worse to have to see photos of them all over town, the newspapers taunting her in the gas station on her way over; she can't handle hearing the full extent of it from tai.

she's not sure why taissa's surprised, not when she's given her no reason to come up with any other conclusion. it only made sense that taissa never visited her, never even called, because she was disgusted by what mikayla did, even if she was left with no other choice— disgusted that they escaped the violence and savagery, only for mikayla to commit it only a month later, as if she enjoyed it. the hint of smile she'd worn in her mugshot likely didn't help her case, but mikayla could never deny that there was satisfaction in knowing she won, that he could never hurt her again. but he still did, landing her a spot in prison, distancing herself from all of her peers, setting her even further back than the crash. “ how was i supposed to know that? all i knew was that, for some fucking reason, you didn't care enough to see me. just makes sense that you thought i was some monster, just like everyone else. ” she's not sure what the other survivors thought of it; nat had to understand, so she wasn't worried about her opinion, and none of the others really mattered to her. but taissa's did. it still does, as much as she wants to tell herself that it doesn't.

mikayla never forgot the way tai protected her, too, but she assumed it was only to protect herself in the long run— because mikayla would have done anything for her, no matter the cost, no matter who she had to hurt in the process, so it was better to keep her around. at the time, she never would have doubted taissa's love for her, but it was different then, because she felt it— but she hasn't felt that in so long that it's easy to delude herself into thinking it didn't mean anything. “ i also remember how the second i stopped being useful to you, you forgot about me. ” everyone did, really; she knows that the only reason she's here now is because nat thought she could help, suddenly useful again, and if she wasn't desperate, she never would have called mikayla.

she almost laughs at the irony of taissa, of all people, saying that to her. mikayla should be surprised that tai came, that she showed up at all, because she failed to do that for her when she needed it most, but it just solidifies the belief that mikayla meant nothing to her. clearly, taissa's capable of showing up, of being there for people. just as long as it wasn't mikayla. “ she said she needed my help, ” she clenches her jaw so hard it hurts, inhaling sharply. “ i know what it's like to need someone, just for them to never fucking show up. i wouldn't do that to her, even if— ” even if none of you had any problem doing that to me. but that doesn't need to be said, not when it's evident in the anger in her voice, despite her attempts to hold it back, to be better than she used to be. but she's not better, not even close. “ and she didn't tell me you'd be there. ” she adds, as if that would have made a difference, wanting tai to think that had mikayla known she'd be forced to see her again, she wouldn't have come at all. but that's not the truth, because while she hadn't known, she'd still hoped, feeling sick with nerves and anticipation, although she can't place why.

her eyes narrow in annoyance, almost asking if she was supposed to tell her wife, like the thought itself is ridiculous, but she just continues to stare out the window instead, her arms crossing over her chest. once again, there's the briefest moment in which she wonders if taissa's actually jealous right now, and that's why she's questioning her wife's name, but she turns the thought away as quickly as it comes, because she can't afford to let herself go there. “ it's greek, ” she grumbles, although she doubts taissa actually cares at all. “ some goddess or something. i don't know. but it's fitting. ” she manages a smug smile, although it's small, a part of her hoping that it gets under tai's skin. mikayla doesn't see the true irony of just how fitting her wife's name is, despite vaguely knowing the story surrounding it; if she did, she wouldn't have brought it up at all.

mikayla had her suspicions within the last twenty-four hours, but the confirmation that tai kept in touch with nat and shauna hurts. why did they get that? she wants to ask, more than anything, desperate to have the answers she never got decades ago, but she doesn't think she can bring herself to ask without breaking down. she refuses to give taissa the satisfaction of seeing her like that over her after so many years. “ i haven't talked to any of them, ” she says instead, her chest deflated, because what she really means is none of them have talked to me. besides misty, but that's nothing to brag about, so she doesn't bring it up at all.

it's hard, being around taissa and not asking questions, because there had been a time when she was desperate to know more, when she wanted to know everything about her. she knows nothing now, outside of what she went through, and she's not sure if she's allowed to ask. she's not sure if asking would be pathetic, if taissa would just think of her as the pathetic, lovestruck idiot she used to be. “ thanks for clearing that up. i thought there was always just pictures of your family all over new jersey, ” she says sarcastically instead, her eyes rolling. she wants to know why taissa's running for office, because she can't remember her ever mentioning that back then, but she doesn't know how to ask, feeling like a complete stranger around the only person she'd ever really known.

she wonders if having a child was something tai actually wanted— if tai would have wanted that with her, in a universe where they actually worked out, where they were married to each other, instead of other people. of course, she's not something she could ask, since it's not something she should be thinking about at all. she nearly responds with i know when tai tells her his age, remembering that phone call from misty, remembering how that had been the sole reason mikayla proposed to calypso at all. mikayla knows it's pathetic, so that's not something she can admit to anyone, especially not her, of all people. “ oh, no, i stopped giving a shit about you a long time ago. but we're stuck in this car together, and i can't exactly say all the things i used to want to say to you. ” because there's too much, and it's all too late. mikayla hopes it's believable, her claim to not care about taissa at all, but she suspects it isn't. not when she'd hardly been able to look in her direction at all, and if she really didn't care, it wouldn't hurt so much.

“ no kids, ” she mumbles, her shoulders lifting in a shrug. “ i don't think it's in my genetics to be a good parent. i don't need to be the cause of another fucked up kid. ” a part of her suspects that calypso's disappointed in that, no matter how much she claims she understands. but mikayla refuses to risk it, to watch herself become her mother, or worse, her father. “ and thank god, honestly. i can't imagine how much less sex we'd be having if we did. ” it's not as much as her comment suggests, not when her wife works so much, but she wants to gauge taissa's reaction more than anything, even though she shouldn't.

in an attempt to prove herself wrong, mikayla shifts her body, angling toward taissa slightly, forcing herself to look at her again, ignoring how much her chest aches when she does. it's a mistake, not only because of how much it hurts, but because she looks at tai's hand again. she shouldn't ask, especially not immediately after claiming she doesn't care about her, but she needs to know tai's okay. if she doesn't ask, she'll be left to wonder for the rest of the night, if not longer, so she gives in for her own peace of mind. “ are you okay? i know that asshole hit you, and... ” she hesitates before nodding her chin toward tai's bandaged hand, despite shauna having already asked about it before. but there used to be a time when mikayla could ask her questions that nobody else could, so a part of her believes that maybe she'll get a real answer this time. “ you didn't have that last night. ” mikayla regrets adding that the moment it leaves her mouth, because it's admitting that she paid attention, enough to remember.

#warpainte #arc: warpainte / adult.#arc: adult.#replies.#really love the cycle of writing 2 sentences then spending 10 min bitching to you. then repeat #love u messy lesbians

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pearcinglyours · 2 years ago

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「25 lives in which i’ll find you」

🗝️ luke pearce / mc

🗝️ general with a sprinkle of romance?

🗝️ based off a comic titled “25 lives” by tongari!

ao3 link to this fic here

"ah, but I don’t blame you; i’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. it’s only fair that i should be the one to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes until i find the one where you’ll return to me."

alternatively, something like a short overview of luke's emotions over the course of the time he knew rosa ?? but in pretty words.

The very first time I remember you, you are blonde, and you don’t love me back.

He felt a gust of wind past his shoulder, and something in him told him to look back. A familiar silhouette- he could recognise it even with his eyes closed. He knew exactly who it was, then he remembered that he shouldn’t run to it. He really shouldn’t- run and what he’s been planning for the past three years would all be in vain.

As much as he couldn’t bear to take a second look, he knew something felt different.

The next time you are brunette, and you do.

He woke up, startled by the faint buzzing he felt on his sheets. 4:02 a.m., the time reads. Through blurred eyes he could see that there was an incoming message- grabbing a handful of water from the glass by his mattress, he rubbed his eyes vigorously with his wet knuckles to wake his mind up a little more.

The phone reads: Luke, what are your training plans for the team today? Is it possible for you to clear out the afternoon for a group training session?

After scanning the message a few times, he shakes off the dizziness in his head as he lets out a soft sigh. It wasn’t her. But why would he want her to text him when he’s been forcing himself to ignore her texts for the past six months?

I wish I could tell you how much I miss you, I wish that I could kiss you every morning, that I could give you the warmest hugs that are enough to melt the snow away. But I know this is for the better of our relationship; the better of you, he thinks to himself.

He tried going back to sleep, but with every turn and flip of the blanket was his head telling him time and time again that she could be his first and last sight of his day. Frustrated, he throws the blanket aside and took a cold shower.

After a while I give up trying to guess if the colour of your hair means anything. Because even when you don’t exist, I’m always in love with you.

Luke doesn’t dream often, but when he does, it feels real. In the dream, a woman was sitting on his lap, warm breath dancing across his face delicately as she looked at his lips in a half-lidded gaze. He doesn’t know who the woman is, but he does find it strange that he remembers every single detail about the woman. The way the corners of her emerald eyes crinkled when he brushed his thumb across his cheek to the way his name rolled off her tongue in a barely audible whisper.

“I like you.”

He didn’t find it hard to say it back. She’s so near yet so far; so familiar yet so foreign, as if the lingering warmth of her hand on his chest was real; so real that it’s tangible. How does one remember every single detail about a person they’ve never met in their entire life?

Their foreheads parted, so did their hands. And he felt like he was drowning; sinking into the depths of her eyes, until the world around him was pitch black without a sliver of light.

I remember most fondly those lifetimes where we get to grow up together,

He fondly remembers a brunette haired girl through the glass panelled windows of their neighbouring houses. The weather was always pretty; the curtains were always pulled to the sides. It wasn’t uncommon for her to see an orange haired boy with his elbows against the table; face against palm as he pursed his lips to hold a pencil between, eyes gazing into the distance.

She’s known that his name is Luke for the longest time ever. So did he know hers

when you share your secrets and sorrows and hiding places with me.

I love how you play along with my bad ideas, before you grow up and realise they are bad ideas.

The thought that these years spent in the NSB would be lonely has never crossed his mind before he left. He had a hard time growing close to people, because the girl next door has always been his muse since young. It’s almost like his world was a secret that only the two of them knew; no one knew him the way she did, nor did anyone know her the way he did.

“Companionship is something we really take for granted, huh,” he muttered under his breath, amber eyes fixated on the screen that displayed the last picture the both of them had taken together. Her eyes were like crescent moons, delicate edges pushed upwards from the ear to ear smile on her face, while his hand was gently placed on top of hers that was wrapped around his shoulder. “Because I should’ve told you that I appreciated your companionship… that I liked……”

He paused. All of a sudden it’s like his hazy thoughts had been fathomed into constellations he could see; it was her all along. The word “you” never left his mouth.

“But was it really a bad idea to not tell you? It’d be so stupid and selfish of me to tell you this right before I’m supposed to leave to study abroad…”

(And in those times together I have many many bad ideas.)

Some things are better left unsaid, after all.

When we meet as adults you’re always much more discerning. I don’t blame you.

It’s only fair for you to distrust me because I was the one who walked out of your life without an explanation. But I’m cursed with the knowledge that if I ever attempted to say anything to you, I wouldn’t be able to hold back; it’s as if the weight of the past 8 years and of the times we could’ve spent together would come raining down on my shoulders; my weight crushed beneath it. No matter how thoroughly I was trained for my missions, nothing prepared me to bear the weight of all the guilt and shame and all the other emotions that come with it the second I look into those pretty emerald eyes that I fell in love with a decade ago.

Yet always, you forgive me.

“I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t respond. She looks at him pensively, eyes scanning his face several times over as if to confirm that it is indeed the same boy who she once loved many, many years ago.

And yet, once again, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything to her. It felt as if she cast a spell that twisted his tongue and trapped all the words he would’ve said inside his chest.

As if you understand what’s going on, and you’re making up for all the lifetimes in which one of us doesn’t exist,

So instead, he takes a step closer to her. And another step, and another, until he can feel her warm, tangible breath on his face. And he holds her arm with the gentleness of a warm sun on a rainy day, and he saw her eyelids flutter shut gently with every millimetre he closed the gap between them.

Is this the moment?

Wait, no. Wasn’t he supposed to stay away from her at all costs? But their lips touched, and he anticipated the soul-crushing weight.

The weight never came.

Instead, it felt like they were standing, embracing each other amidst a rain of a thousand feathers- everything felt so fleeting; so ephemeral. His heartbeat never felt more real.

and the ones where we just, barely never meet.

Through tears, she pleaded, “Never leave me again?”

The answer he wanted to give was a firm, solid no. But he couldn’t bear to tell it to her, not when his emotions had the better of him, not when he knew he wanted this just as much as she did.

For once, he felt like he was selfish. He nodded slightly, his eyes wavering.

(i’m sorry that i’m making promises i know i can’t keep.)

I hate those. I prefer the ones in which you kill me.

But even after all the times we talked and we dated and we kissed and we spilled our hearts out, and even after you knew the truth, you still loved me all the same.

Every now and then I still have those self-dejecting thoughts- that you shouldn’t be with me. I think you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be with someone who will be with you through all the walks of your life.

Time and time again, you choose me.

I may never believe you when you say that you’ll never love someone else like you did me, but the truth is that I feel the same way. I’ve felt love once, and I don’t think I can go back to a life without you in it.

But when all is said and done, I’d rather surrender to you in other ways.

Even though each time, I know I’ll see you again, I always wonder

I hope that this engagement ring is a stamp that seals our promise; that fate will never separate us again, and even if it does, it’ll reunite us time and time again. You’re the one I love in every lifetime and in every universe; not even death can do us part.

Is this the last time? Is that really you?

It’s always been you. I’m sure of that.

And what if you’re already perfectly happy without me?

I’d rather not think about it.

Ah, but I don’t blame you; I’ll never burn as brilliantly as you. It’s only fair that I should be the one to chase you across ten, twenty-five, a hundred lifetimes

He’s running, and it feels like his legs are burning. It’s like Icarus had legs for wings.

Where to? Her heart, of course. And he’d do it a thousand times over.

until I find the one where you’ll return to me.

#tears of themis #luke pearce #luke pearce x reader #luke pearce x mc #luke pearce x rosa #luke pearce x you #tears of themis fanfic

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absolutepokemontrash · 3 years ago

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MC’s Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Lessons 18-20

Series Masterlist

T-the season finale… *sniffle* it’s been a wild ride y’all… I’ve never actually written and stuck through with something for so long, so this is a real achievement for me! I really hope you guys have enjoyed this completely weird fluffy/angsty/mildly crackhead adventure! Please enjoy the last part!

All is well, the family is back together, everyone’s fine, the school year is almost over-

Wait, the school year is almost over?

Upon realizing that, everyone settled into a state of mild panic.

MC couldn’t just leave, they were part of the family! An integral part! They were the only thing keeping everyone from murdering each other during family game night!

As for Lucifer’s personal feelings on the matter, things were… tough.

When the exchange program was announced, Lucifer expected it to end like most of Diavolo’s ideas: annoying to clean up, it certainly couldn’t have ended worse than when he and the Crown Prince ended up getting cursed to hold hands for 25 hours straight. What Lucifer didn’t expect was for a child he didn’t even know he had to end up as the human exchange student and for his entire life to be thrown out of whack. That child of his was busy finishing up their final paper of the year.

“Hey, father,” MC looked up from their paper with a cheeky smile. “Do you think that the next exchange student will be as fun as me?”

“I sincerely hope not.” Lucifer sighed, continuing to sift through his paperwork on his desk. “Your kind of ‘excitement’ has completely worn me out.”

“Aw,” MC giggled, then went back to work. “So you don’t want me to stay here then?”

Lucifer stiffened and looked up from his paperwork. “Don’t put words in my mouth, MC.”

“So you do want me to stay. Interesting~” MC said as they began to sweep the eraser shavings off their paper. “Well, if you want me to stay so badly, you could have just asked.”

“P-pardon?” Lucifer blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. “You want to stay?”

“Since you’d be so sad without me, I guess I just have to don’t I?” MC stood suddenly and slapped their finished essay on Lucifer’s desk. “The sacrifices I make for this family, I swear!”

We stand with you, MC, sacrifice your sanity for your weird-ass familia.

Anyway, Lucifer was thrilled that MC wanted to stay with him in the Devildom, the problem was… MC’s other parent may not have been too keen to just give up their baby.

You know, the demon child they raised all by themselves, with no help from Lucifer because he didn’t know MC existed…

Someone get MC’s ren on the phone! Stat!

“Alright dear little brothers of mine, listen closely because I’m not repeating this.” Lucifer looked over the living room couches at the other six rulers of hell. Belphie was sprawled out on one of the couches and was drooling all over Beel’s lap, Satan was making a point to look as disinterested as possible and kept sneaking glances at the book he was holding, and Mammon was wrestling Levi dangerously close to where Asmo was filing his nails.

Sighing in defeat, Lucifer continued. If any of his brothers misbehaved he couldn’t say he didn’t warn them. “MC‘s parent will be coming to visit.”

Everyone’s attention snapped to Lucifer. Wonderful.

“They’ll be staying for a few days and will decide if it’s in MC’s best interest to primarily stay in the Devildom from now on.”

Asmodeus slowly raised a hand. “Luciiiiiiferrrr!”

“Asmo, is your question overly personal in nature?”

The Avatar of lust brought a manicured nail to his cheek and daintily tapped it. “Mmm… I don’t think so.”

“Ask.”

“How long were you and MC’s parent dating for? Won’t it be awkward to be around your ex?”

Lucifer dragged a gloved hand down his face. “It was a one night thing.”

“Really?” Asmo knitted his eyebrows in confusion. “It wasn’t a long drawn out forbidden romance? You must have had some Olympic swimmers down there!”

“Okay!” Lucifer clapped his hands. “Add that to the list of things Asmo is not allowed to say.”

“We have to take something off the list then…” Beel said through handfuls of chips. “The list’s full.”

“Fine,” Lucifer grumbled. “He can say [CENSORED] again.”

“Yippee! [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]”

The group collectively groaned as Asmo continued to spout his profane nonsense.

“What did I just walk in on..?” MC stood in the doorway to the living room, still in their PJs.

“Oh, MC, your parent’s coming over to stay for a few days.” Lucifer quickly explained.

MC’s face morphed from confusion to horror. “What does that have to do with [CENSORED]?!”

This house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE-

Anyway, after the initial confusion/horror, MC got really excited and rushed off to get ready. Meanwhile, the boys solemnly swore that they would be on their best behaviour!

Everyone needed to convince MC’s parent that everything in the Devildom was perfectly safe and that their little hellspawn was in good responsible hands.

Mammon tried to come up with a plan in case MC wasn’t allowed to stay with them, and let’s just say it involved kidnapping. But like- a chill kind of kidnapping where MC would be totally fine.

This idea was immediately shot down in favour of Beel’s plan B.

Beel would just… eat MC’s parent. No biggie, right?

Lucifer shot that one down the moment he heard it.

The only accepted plan for if MC wasn’t allowed to stay was just letting them go. They’d visit the Devildom. A lot. Many visits would be necessary.

So, the hour of MC’s ren’s arrival had come, and the student council assembled to greet them.

Greet the human. The completely non magical human. Greet them and then let them see the Devildom…

Was this exchange program really that good of an idea..?

MC frantically attempted to do some last minute fixes to their hair as they sat themselves down in their seat in the Assembly Hall. Ugh… stupid hair…

“Why are you so nervous?” Satan asked. “Is our visitor a neat freak basket case?”

“No!” MC huffed. “They’re not! I’m just making myself presentable so they don’t think I’ve gone completely feral down here.”

“Well, feral no, crazy, yes. Have you seen yourself lately?” Belphie snickered.

“SHUT UP BELPHIE.”

“Would you all be quiet?” Lucifer snapped. “You’re all acting like children.”

“I am a child.” MC snapped back. “What’s Belphie’s excuse?”

Belphie’s retort was cut off by the portal opening and a figure leisurely floating to the ground. They had an open parasol in their right hand that seemed to be aiding their gentle descent, and a large container full of what smelled like cookies tucked into their left side. The moment their toes touched the floor, the human gracefully closed their parasol and gave the assembled demons a sparkling smile and a polite bow.

“Thank you for allowing me the honour to visit,” the human’s voice was as soft and sweet as Cotton candy. “It’s a pleasure to officially meet the princes of hell themselves.”

:D yay!

After floating down from the sky like Mary Poppins, MC lost all sense of propriety and ran over to tackle their ren into a hug. It was that kind of thing where you really miss someone but you don’t realize exactly how much until you get to see them again.

Lucifer was, of course, the picture of elegance and “this isn’t awkward at all”-ness.

MC’s parent didn’t even seem to be all that concerned with the fact that their baby daddy was, y'know, LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. THE MOST POMPOUS FUCKWAD IN THE DEVILDOM.

Please don’t tell him I said that, he’s still mad about the Go Fund Me…

MC was absolutely ecstatic to finally show their parent how much they’ve grown in terms of their demonic powers and all the friends they had made, but MC’s ren was more concerned with how much they had grown in terms of their height.

“You’re just so tall now,” MC’s ren giggled as they fixed their child’s hair. “You’ll get things off of shelves for me, won’t you?”

“Yeah yeah,” MC said, rolling their eyes good naturedly. “Like you can’t reach anything in your kitchen.”

“Okay,” Mammon, Satan, Levi, Belphie, and Beel were lagging behind Lucifer, MC, their parent, and Diavolo. “Change of plans, we ain’t eatin’ ‘em, we’re keepin’ ‘em.”

“We were never going to eat them in the first place, idiot.” Satan sneered. “And what’s with the change of tune? You were ready to wage war on the human world fifteen minutes ago.”

“…cookies happened.” Mammon mumbled. He had only gotten one of the human’s totally amazing offerings before Beel proceeded to eat everything. The cookie was perfect… so delicious…

“I say we keep the human.” Beel put a hand on his stomach. “I want more human world cookies.”

“They’re so cute too…” Asmo cooed. “A solid 10/10, and that’s such a rare ranking coming from the only 20/10 in existence!”

“Asmo, your vanity never ceases to make me want to roll over and-” Belphie’s insult was interrupted by him passing out and letting out a cartoonishly loud snore. It was a good thing Beel was able to quickly catch and throw Belphie over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes.

“Asmo has a point, they’re just so totally moe! Kawaii to the highest degree! That parasol, the homemade cookies, it’s just like something from a slice of life anime!” Levi squee-ed.

“So it’s settled, we treat ‘em nice, then we get ‘em to stay.” Mammon nodded to the rest of his brothers, who for the first time in the Demon King knows how long, his little brothers nodded back in full seriousness. They were actually doing a Mammon plan! Holy shit!

So, the brothers liked MC’s ren, what about Diavolo and Barbatos?

Well, MC’s ren had heard all about Barbatos’ amazing cooking from MC and Barb’s totally outstanding reputation, so the two got along swimmingly.

Dia. Loved. That. Human. They’re cute???? They’re sweet???? They brought COOKIES???! They don’t seem to be afraid of him at all????? Please be the exchange student next year :D

Oh yeah… he made a rule that said they couldn’t summon someone with kids… it would be cruel to rip a parent away from their child…

But apparently not a child away from their parent cough cough

Other than the uncle squad, MC’s ren got to meet the Purgatory Hall gang too!

MC was being just the most adorable tour guide, but that didn’t stop Lucifer from having a miniature heart attack any time a demon even looked at MC’s parent the wrong way. If MC’s ren got attacked or felt threatened in any way shape or form, he could say bye bye to his time with the one person in the HOL that didn’t live to make him pop a forehead vein. The human seemed outwardly unconcerned with any Devildom oddness and was amicably chatting with Diavolo while MC pulled them from place to place.

“And that’s Hell’s Kitchen, they have good sandwiches, and that’s Madame Scream’s, they have really good macarons.” MC helpfully pointed out the places as they passed them.

A much to familiar trio of voices called out from down the street. Father dammit, why were they here..?

“Hello Lucifer, what are you all up too?” Ugh… Simeon…

“From the sight of the rest of your brothers skulking about, it appears like they’re acting as bodyguards.” Solomon…

“MC? Who’s that?”

Oh good grief… that nasally little voice… the chihuahua was near… Now… Lucifer was a respectable demon… respectable demons don’t tease children in front of the parent of their child…

“Hello chihuahua.”

DAMN IT HE COULDN’T HELP HIMSELF!

“I’m not a chihuahua you demon!” Luke yapped.

MC’s parent daintily tilted their head and looked over at MC. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

“Right, Luke, this is my ren, ren, this is a chihuahua.” MC grinned cheekily as they gestured between the two. Lucifer suppressed a laugh which resulted in a very ugly snort. It was a good thing the sound was drowned out by Luke’s exclamations of betrayal.

The chorus of “how could you?!”s and “I thought you were over that awful nickname!”s was put to an abrupt halt when the visiting human elegantly offered a handshake to the fuming angel.

“MC spoke very highly of you,” they chirped. “It’s very nice to meet you, Luke.”

Luke blinked a few times, then quickly straightened his posture, adjusted his hat, then shook MC’s ren’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“That’s Simeon.” MC jerked a thumb in Simeon’s direction. “And that’s Solomon.”

“Luke got a whole introduction and we get that? Come on MC, I thought we were friends.” Solomon fake pouted at MC after giving a polite nod to MC’s parent.

“We stopped being friends after one of the potions you had me test out turned me into a-” as quick as lighting, Mammon had shoved his hand into MC’s face.

“A-ah, MC’s rememberin’ stuff wrong, nothin’ potion related happened to ‘em. Right, Solomon???!”

Taking the hint from Mammon, Solomon smiled and nodded. “Nope, nothing related to turning MC into a frog for a few hours.”

“Hm, well I’m quite happy that absolutely nothing frog transformation related happened.” MC’s parent said.

“Yeah, must’ve hit their head on somethin- YEEEOW!” MC had bitten down on Mammon’s hand and slapped it away from them.

“I did not hit my head on anything!”

“Yeah,” Beel nodded. “Nothing’s hit them since the Fangol ball.”

“The what ball?” MC’s ren asked.

“The Fangol ball that hit MC a few months back and broke their glasses.” Five of the brothers slapped their hands to their foreheads.

“Oh my…”

“Eh,” MC patted their ren on the arm. “That’s nothing compared to the giant snake at the retreat.”

“Oh! Do you mind letting me tell that story, MC?”

Lucifer was frantically signalling for Diavolo to stop talking but the crown prince was already beginning his retelling of the events. Luke would chime in with an anecdote from an even worse misadventure the two had gone out on every once and a while. This… this wasn’t going well at all…

MC’s ren was… weirdly chill about the whole thing…

“Oh, it’s so nice that you’re having fun, sweetheart. That reminds me of when I was young and your aunt Clytemnestra and I would go out and have adventures.” “Really? You went on weird adventures too?” “…what kind of adventures could possibly compare to being chased by a giant snake in an underground labyrinth..?”

The side characters ended up needing to abscond for various reasons and all that was left was the brothers, MC, and MC’s parent.

They made it to the HOL without issue, which is when Lucifer remembered that he did not put all the cursed objects out of reach… shit.

“Asmo… Asmo!” “What is it?” “Take MC’s ren out of the house in half an hour, keep them occupied in the living room!” “What? Why?” “I need more time to human-proof the house! Distract them, but no funny business!” “Dear brother, for the first time in a very long time funny business is the second thing on my mind! Wait… no, it’s the third… what have I become..?”

Asmo and Satan, super graciously by the way, led MC and their ren to the living room to distract- I mean entertain them for a bit!

Lucifer and the rest of the gang got to work moving certain things around and closing certain doors- shit where was Cerberus?! Did Lucifer forget to walk him that morning?!

So much to dooooooo…

So maybe bringing a human into Majolish and letting them roam around unsupervised wasn’t the best idea Satan and Asmo had, but it sure as heck was an idea. MC looked through shelves of hairpins and bracelets while their ren disappeared around a corner to look at scarves.

“We’re doing such a great job babysitting!” Asmo clapped his hands. “If MC had just been a normal human I bet they’d last the entire year under our care.”

“Hm, you might be right.” Satan smiled and nodded. “Humans are surprisingly entertaining.”

“Yes… speaking of, where exactly is the human?”

The sudden sound of metal slamming against flesh and the delayed sound of something incredibly heavy hitting the floor jolted Asmo and Satan from their conversation.

“Honestly, some people have no fucking manners!”

It was such a different voice than what Satan and Asmo were used to that the only thing that tipped them off to it being MC’s ren was the fact that MC began to giggle. MC’s ren stepped back into view carrying a metal staff that quickly transformed back to their parasol.

Asmo and Satan rushed over to check if their defenceless little human guest was okay, only to find some lesser demon passed out on the floor with an incredibly nasty bump on the side of their head.

“I’ve heard that humans are apparently quite delicious to demons but I didn’t expect someone to actually try and eat me.”

“I-um…” Satan sputtered, looking from Asmo to MC’s parent. “We’re uh…”

“You alright, ren?” MC called from over by the bracelet shelves.

“Yes, I’m alright.” MC’s ren gave the fourth and fifth born a calming smile. “No harm done, well, except to that poor bastard. I do hope I haven’t killed him… that would be such a nasty thing for the poor sales associates to find.”

Okay so maybe the defenceless human wasn’t so defenceless. That was a good thing… right?

“So where exactly did you manage to get your hands on such a weapon..?” “Ah, I come from a family of witches. This was a college graduation present.”

…doit doit seems legit.

The four made it back home just in time, Lucifer and the others had finished human proofing the house.

Yay!

The house tour went by smoothly, everything was all well and good until Beel and Belphie asked MC’s ren to make more cookies.

Oh god dammit the human said they would.

“Oh Beel, you shouldn’t eat the cookie dough raw… the eggs and raw flour will make you sick!” “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. Besides, it’s best not to interrupt Beel while he’s eating.” “Yeah it might end like the custard incident.” “Custard… incident?” “MC and Mammon ate my custard and I ended up breaking the wall that connected to MC’s room.” “Hunger tantrums, am I right?”

After that it was Mammon and Levi’s turn to babysit. It went about as well as you’d think.

Levi explained some anime plot in an attempt to make it seem like the Devildom was totally safe and that MC and their ren could stay forever no problem, while Mammon desperately suppressed the urge to swipe the cool parasol.

Finally, it was time for the verdict. Would MC be allowed to stay in the Devildom..? Or would they go back to the human world..?

“Lucifer?”

The demon in question looked up from his paperwork and tried to nod in the most casual way possible. MC’d ren was standing in the doorway, Lucifer must have missed their knock. “Yes? Do you need something?”

MC’s ren smiled and nodded. “It’s about MC’s living situation going forward.”

Lucifer stiffened and got up from his desk. “Y-yes… what about it?”

“MC has expressed that they want to stay here full time with frequent visits to the human world.” The softness that their voice had earlier in the day was completely absent as the human stepped forward into the study and closed the door behind them. “I want to know what you think about that.”

“Well,” Lucifer cleared his throat and tried to shake off the stupid sense of nervousness that had wrapped itself around him. A weak little human’s decision should not make him so anxious! “I would like for MC to stay here as well, I think it would be best for them.”

The human raised an eyebrow and twirled their parasol in their hand. “Really now? In your year with them you truly believe you know what’s best for them?”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. I do.”

MC’s ren went quiet for a few seconds before replying. “I see.”

“And that means..?”

“I knew this day would come, but I didn’t think it’d be so soon.” MC’s ren sighed, and for the first time all day, they actually let their exhaustion show. “I raised MC knowing that one day they’d end up in the Devildom. They’ve told me over and over again how much they like it down here…” the human took a deep breath and slowly shook their head. “If this is what they want… then I give my permission for them to stay with you.”

A wave of relief swept over Lucifer as he finally took a breath. “Thank you.”

“Mm… I’m going to have to use my favour though.”

The relief completely vanished as the Avatar of Pride’s blood ran cold. Memories flooded back from the one night the pair had spent together, the human had offered a cursed record to him that he had spent decades trying to find, in exchange, Lucifer let them have one favour. A favour from a demon was like a single pact order, Lucifer had to do literally anything this human wanted.

“Protect MC, even if it costs you your life.” The human’s words were careful and measured as Lucifer felt the order sink in. “You’ll do that for them, right Lucifer?”

Lucifer nodded as life flooded back into his limbs. “I would have done it without the order.”

So, the brother’s plan to make MC’s ren stay forever failed because they were going back to the human world with MC for summer vacation. Listen, it was needed, MC needed to see the sun lest they shrivel like a sad houseplant.

At least Lucifer technically had primary custody of his little heathen! Victory!

MC said their goodbyes to the friends they had made over the year as they prepared to leave for the next two months, it was filled with so many bone-crushing hugs that MC was surprised that their spine didn’t snap.

MC and Luke had lagged behind the much larger group as they made their way to the assembly hall. MC’s ren was dazzling the miniature crowd with stories of just how adorable MC was as a little kid. The half demon rolled their eyes and silently mourned the loss of any cool points they had gained over the year. Their little companion was oddly quiet, MC lightly nudged him and smiled.

“Aren’t you happy to be going home? You’ve been griping about being stuck down here the entire year. Don’t tell me you’re getting sappy, Luke.”

Luke puffed his cheek out and crossed his arms. “Of course I’m happy to be leaving, the Celestial Realm is the best place ever, the Devildom is completely terrible in every way.”

MC smirked and rolled their eyes again. Just let the little guy go on his rant…

“But… I am going to miss you…” Luke mumbled, MC’s eyebrows shot upwards as they turned their head to look at him. “Th-thanks for being my friend down here… MC. You’re… you’re really nice.”

To their absolute horror, MC felt a lump form in their throat. Oh dear Grandfather… the chihuahua was what broke them?! They quickly looked around to see if anyone was paying attention, then quickly pulled Luke into a hug. The hug was over as fast as it began, but it seemed that Luke didn’t particularly care and was more shocked at the sudden bout of affection.

“If anyone, and I mean anyone asks, I didn’t hug you.” MC murmured, quickly swiping at their eyes.

Luke nodded, a small smile spread across his face. “Got it!”

So the side characters left… *sniffle* everything’s okay… the DDDs work in any of the realms… they could still talk.

Soon, it was time for the final sets of goodbyes…

“Come on, Bean, we’re going to the human world!” MC tried to take the cat from Satan, who didn’t move a muscle.

“If you think you’re taking the cat from here, you’re delusional.” Satan’s smile didn’t leave his face, but the force behind his words was almost enough to make MC back off. Almost…

“My caaaaaat!” MC whined, they ended up getting lightly pushed away by Satan.

“Remember, the summer’s a good time to catch up on anime!” Levi advised. “There’s 24 hours in a day, and an average anime episode is 22 minutes long, you have loads of time!”

“I’ll keep up with my anime only if you promise to listen to the Death Note musical, Levi.” MC giggled and patted Levi on the shoulder.

“Remember MC, take care of your cuticles and your skin.” Asmo took MC’s hand and checked their fingernails. “They were an absolute mess before you got here, so I expect you to keep up your routines this summer!”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeees siiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr.”

“Bye MC,” Beel handed MC a half opened cup of custard. “I almost ate it, but I didn’t. Make sure you don’t skip any meals this summer.

MC jumped up and gave Beel a quick hug. “Thanks Beel! I’ll be sure to enjoy the custard!”

“Bye, MC. See you next year.” Belphie stood awkwardly stiff, not exactly sure what to do. MC pursed their lips, then quickly wrapped him up in a hug.

“Bye Belphie, I hope all your pillow forts are structurally unsound.”

The avatar of sloth snickered and rested his head on MC’s. “I hope you get really comfortable and are fully ready to go to sleep, then realize you have to pee.”

MC gasped in fake offence and swatted Belphie on the arm.

Mammon put both his hands on MC’s shoulders, his face unusually serious. “Do ya remember what the great Mammon took painstakin’ effort to teach ya?”

“Payday loans are scams, witches are scary, bowline knots are the easiest to undo, don’t wear reflective sunglasses to a poker game aaaaaaaand…” MC grinned mischievously. “Any plan thought up by the Great Mammon should be subject to intense revision.”

“That’s ri- hey!” Mammon laughed and shoved MC towards Lucifer.

MC looked up at Lucifer, the pride demon looked down at them fondly. He reached out and gently ruffled their hair. “I’ll see you next year, MC.”

“Y-yeah…”

Lucifer crouched down slightly to get to their level and gave MC a smile. “I’m very proud of you, you’ve been an immense help this year. Thank you for everything.”

“Thanks for not being a stereotypical supervillain dad, father.” MC smiled softly and fixed their glasses. “Loveyoubye!”

MC turned and rushed to their ren’s side as Lucifer let out a soft chuckle.

“I love you too, MC.”

As Barbatos readied the portal to send the pair to the human world, MC couldn’t wipe the grin off their face. Geez, if this year was a metric mess of fun and insanity… what was the next year going to be like? The half demon’s grin morphed into a bit of a smirk. No way in hell their next year in the Devildom was going to be as insane as their first year.

MC almost giggled as they gave their family one last wave. That wasn’t the time to think about the future, besides, MC knew that it would take two insane chaotic humans to be summoned into the Devildom to even come close to the chaos MC managed to create, both on purpose and by accident.

And what were the odds of that happening?

——————

Authors Note: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ITS DONE SEASON ONE IS DONE!

I wasn’t able to fit the Anti Lucifer League stuff into this one, I’ll put it in a separate fic later!

I NOW NEED TO WORK ON GETTING THROUGH SEASON 2 IN THE ACTUAL GAME. To get mildly serious for a second, thanks to everyone who has stuck around to listen to me spout my fic-y nonsense, you all are nerds (affectionate) and I love you.

#obey me #obey me!#obey me! shall we date?#obey me shall we date #Obey me Headcanons #Obey me fic #Obey me! Headcanons #Obey me MC #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Mammon #obey me beelzebub #Obey me Belphegor #obey me leviathan #Obey me Asmodeus #Obey me Satan #Obey me Luke

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becomewings · 4 years ago

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BTS Universe Timeline

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TIMELINE GUIDE

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers from all BU media

Revisions and additions will be made as necessary, so please visit the original post for the most up-to-date version (update log is included at bottom of post)

All names are provided as fully as known

Bracketed dates are inferred or calculated from references in the text

While the timeline is presented here as objectively as possible, I acknowledge that there is a level of subjectivity in choosing which information is significant enough for inclusion and in certain connections drawn between entries

Please inform me of any suspected errors; I will investigate and correct them

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

School Years: Together & Apart

- March Year 19 through 10 April Year 22 -

2 March Year 19 Notes 1 (SJ)

Ten days after returning from the U.S., SeokJin and his father visit the principal’s office at his new school. SeokJin learns that he will start one grade lower due to the different education systems. SeokJin’s father grips his shoulder while the principal explains that school is a “dangerous place” that needs to be “tightly controlled.” He asks: “You know you have to keep me informed, right? You’ll be a good student, right?” SeokJin squeezes out a “yes” and his father lets go. Both ChangJun and the principal laugh. SeokJin looks down at their shining shoes, wondering from where the light is coming.

Note: SeokJin’s 25 June Year 19 entry in Notes 1 specifies that his father attended the same high school. JiMin’s 23 July Year 22 entry in Notes 2 reveals that, according to a comment he finds on an online news article, ChangJun and the principal were in school at the same time and fought with each other “as if it would only end when one of them dropped dead,” but they appeared to get along later due to politics.

3 March Year 19 BTS Universe Story: The Boy on the Threshold, ep.1

On the first day of school at Songju Jeil High School, the Dean of Students berates the six latecomers lined up outside: SeokJin, NamJoon, HoSeok, JiMin, TaeHyung, and JungKook. YoonGi arrives even later. The Dean assigns them one month of community service as punishment. When he notices SeokJin, he clears his throat and says he is letting them off because it’s the first day: they must all assemble after classes to clean the annex, a classroom turned into a storage room. This room becomes their meeting place and hideout even after their punishment is finished.

Note: Their punishment for being late is referenced in JiMin’s 12 March Year 19 entry in Notes 1, when he escapes to the old classroom again and finds the others already there. He observes that it feels as though they’ve been “hanging out together forever.” The punishment scene is also similar to a moment in the BTS Begins Middle Scene VCR. Although it includes a few extra students and cannot be confirmed as BU content, it does mirror the canonical detail of YoonGi arriving last.

28 May Year 19 Notes: Answer

In the classroom hideout, JungKook asks everyone what their dreams are because he has to write a paper about future hopes. SeokJin wants to become a good person, and YoonGi says it’s okay to have no dream. TaeHyung poses on a chair and says he’s going to be a superhero. HoSeok scolds him and adds that he wants to find his mom and live happily. JiMin asks him if he is unhappy now, and HoSeok pulls an exaggeratedly worried expression. “Is that how it works?” JiMin is flustered when HoSeok asks what his dream is and remembers that when he was in preschool he wanted to be president, but didn’t know what he wanted after that. Everyone looks at NamJoon, who shrugs and confesses that while he wants to say something nice, he doesn’t have a dream either and just wishes that his part-time job pays more. JungKook looks down at his assignment, divided into sections for “student” and “parent,” and wonders what he hopes to become. He can’t think of anything to write.

12 June Year 19 — The Sea Notes 1

YoonGi’s entry:

All seven boys cut school and decide to go to the sea. They have little money between them, so they must walk to the train station. As they leave, YoonGi almost bumps into JiMin and realizes that he is standing frozen with a trembling face. JiMin stares at a sign that reads “2.1km to Grass Flower Arboretum.” YoonGi flatly tells him that it’s too hot to go to the arboretum. He has an “instinctive feeling” that they should avoid it. He observes that JiMin walks away like a little kid, head bent and shoulders hunched.

JungKook’s entry:

The boys arrive at the beach. They hang around under a torn parasol until HoSeok holds up a discovery on his phone: a large rock that is supposed to grant your dream if you stand atop it and shout your dream out to the sea. TaeHyung encourages them to go. While they grumble in the heat on the long trek, JungKook reflects on how he had recently asked the others what their dreams were. (See 28 May Year 19.) None of them really have a dream to pursue.

YoonGi tells JungKook to stop biting his nails or else they’ll become like his. Then he asks JungKook what his dream is. Having never thought about it, JungKook doesn’t know. He hesitates and then asks what a dream is. HoSeok rattles off a few definitions from his phone. YoonGi questions, ��How can something that you want to achieve most in your life and something that is unlikely to come true both be called a dream? … Don’t ever try to have a dream.” JungKook asks why. At his glance, YoonGi stops biting his nails and puts his hands in his pockets. “Because it’s tough having one.” JungKook is curious about why YoonGi bites his nails but doesn’t ask. He recalls that it has been a habit since his childhood to hurt himself. He remembers cutting his finger on a knife badly enough that his mom took him to the hospital, but she didn’t take care of him after they went home. His wound healed slowly because he kept pressing it; the pain helped him feel awake. Even now, he sometimes feels hollow.

TaeHyung asks how much longer they have to walk. HoSeok is puzzled, saying they should be close. They gaze around the empty, pebbled beach. JiMin sighs and reads aloud from an article on his phone. A resort will be built on this beach, and the construction company blew up the rock. They notice the cordoned off construction zone. They try to reassure each other to remain positive, but they all feel the disappointment of walking all that way for nothing. JungKook notices YoonGi biting his nails again and tries to stop him, but he is interrupted by a loud drilling noise. JungKook looks past him at the sea and all that remains of the dream-granting rock, the pebbles under their feet. “Is the world tough for you, too?” he asks, but YoonGi can’t hear him. JungKook screams again. “Do you want to give up on this world, too?” HoSeok and TaeHyung laugh at their mimed conversation. They all look out to the sea and shout their dreams. The drilling is so loud that they can’t hear each other. JungKook cannot even hear his own dream. When the noise stops, they cut off abruptly and laugh. SeokJin suggests that they take a photo. He sets the timer and runs to join their row, the sea behind them. They walk back to the train station. JungKook asks if he can keep the photo. SeokJin writes “June 12” on the back and gives it to him, telling him that his dream will come true. JungKook asks if SeokJin knows what he shouted to the sea, and SeokJin merely taps his shoulder and strides ahead.

BTS Universe Story : The Boy on the Threshold, ep.3

JungKook’s memory of the beach trip follows a similar structure to the scene in Notes 1, plus a notable addition. After they fail to find the dream-granting boulder, JungKook climbs up on the pier railing. He thinks: “I’ve always liked walking on the edge of walls or on top of lines. Focusing on centering my gravity means that I don’t really think of anything else, and the boundary—not quite a part of either place—always felt like where I should be.” Someone grabs his arm while he precariously balances. YoonGi tells him not to do that, and JungKook assures him that he won’t fall.

“YoonGi would often grab my arm when I walked on railings. The others would look after me, too, after seeing him do that. I liked their helping hands. It felt like they were telling me that I should go to them. That this wasn’t my place. Maybe their hands were why I walked on the railings.”

25 June Year 19 Notes 1 (SJ)

Alone in the classroom hideout, SeokJin finds a plant by the window. He takes pictures with his phone but doesn’t think they capture what the human eye sees. He notices that “HoSeok’s plant” is scribbled on the floor beneath the pot and then realizes that the window sills, walls, and ceiling are covered with graffiti and drawings, messages left behind by the students who once passed through that room. He wonders if there were past teachers who used violence and endless tests or students like him who ratted out their friends to the principal. Since his father also attended that high school, SeokJin looks for his name on the walls and finds it with a phrase written underneath: “Everything started from here.”

Note: TaeHyung, JiMin, NamJoon, and YoonGi discover several other familiar names near Kim ChangJun (SeokJin’s father) on the classroom wall in TaeHyung’s 23 July Year 22 entry from 7’s album Notes and the extended version in Notes 2.

30 August Year 19 Notes: Her

JiMin plays in HoSeok’s shadow while he is on the phone, reflecting on how HoSeok has accompanied him on the two-hour walk home since the beginning of the school semester. JiMin eventually realized that HoSeok didn’t live in the same direction but never questioned him, simply hoping that their time walking together would stretch the day out a little longer. HoSeok finishes on the phone and chases after him while the cicadas sing and their ice creams melt. Suddenly, JiMin is afraid, wondering how many of these days are left.

20 March Year 20 Notes 1 (TH)

TaeHyung sneaks up on NamJoon in the hallway by their classroom hideout. He stops when he hears SeokJin’s voice inside, apparently informing the principal about how TaeHyung and YoonGi had ditched school and got in a fight over the past few days. SeokJin throws open the door, phone in hand, and looks flustered to see NamJoon standing there. TaeHyung hides in a corner and is shocked to hear NamJoon assure him, “It’s OK. There must’ve been a good reason.” HoSeok and JiMin find TaeHyung in the hallway, and HoSeok pulls him into the classroom. NamJoon beams at TaeHyung as though nothing strange has happened. Believing that NamJoon “must have his reasons” because he is more intelligent and mature, TaeHyung decides not to tell anyone about the conversation he overheard.

15 May Year 20 Notes 1 (NJ)

NamJoon visits the classroom hideout on his last day of school. Two weeks prior, his family decided that they needed to move due to complications with his father’s health and their overdue rent. NamJoon tries to write a message on a piece of paper. He scribbles “I must survive” before the pencil lead snaps. He crumples the paper and writes in the dust on the window instead.

“No farewell message would be enough to let the others know how I felt. At the same time, no farewell message was needed to make myself understood. ‘See you again.’ It was a wish, rather than a promise.”

Note: “I must survive” is a recurring message tied to NamJoon in the BU MVs. See also 17 December Year 21.

7 June Year 20 Notes: Persona

TaeHyung’s two month old puppy Dubu slips out of the leash and disappears while he is distracted on his phone. TaeHyung runs around the neighborhood looking for him, first angry at the puppy and then blaming himself. When Dubu returns on his own, TaeHyung is filled with the unfamiliar feeling that he is someone who can be relied on.

11 June Year 20 BTS Universe Story: The Boy on the Threshold, ep.5 Everyone’s Place

In the classroom hideout, JungKook listens to YoonGi playing the piano. The sound of the music makes him feel as if YoonGi understands how he feels and is trying to console him. The Dean of Students forces the door open, demanding why they are there. He berates and slaps JungKook, knocking him to the floor. YoonGi steps between them and shoves the teacher’s shoulder. The dean warns him that he had better be prepared for the consequences of putting his hands on a teacher and then leaves. Despite his throbbing cheek, JungKook smiles because it is the first time someone has protected him, and the feeling of getting closer to YoonGi makes him giddy. For the next two weeks, YoonGi does not come to school.

25 June Year 20 Notes 1

JungKook’s entry:

JungKook tries to play the piano in the classroom hideout, unable to make it sound like YoonGi did. He reflects on the rumor that YoonGi was expelled after the events of 11 June and wonders if YoonGi would still be here playing the piano if JungKook had not been there that day when the teacher appeared.

YoonGi’s entry:

Breathing hard, YoonGi arrives at his bedroom, removes a half-burned piano key from an envelope in his desk drawer, and throws it into the trash can. He remembers a day four years ago when he returned to their burned down home and found a skeleton of the piano where his mother’s room used to stand. He noticed several piano keys on the ground and took one of them, wondering what note it was and how many times her fingers touched it. In the present, YoonGi thinks how unbearable living under his father’s rule is and recalls what happened that day: he is officially expelled from school. He picks up the piano key again and hurls it out the window.

“I couldn’t hear the piano key hit the ground. Now I’d never know what note it made. It’d never make a sound again. I’d never play the piano again.”

17 July Year 20 Notes 1 (SJ)

At the end of the last school day before summer vacation, SeokJin tries to leave quickly but is hailed by HoSeok and JiMin. No one knows that he was pressured by the principal and revealed their hideout, which led to JungKook and YoonGi being discovered (11 June) and the latter’s expulsion (25 June). HoSeok wishes SeokJin a good vacation and to keep in touch, but he can’t reply.

“My first day at this school crossed my mind as I passed through the school gate. We were all late and got punished. But we were together, so we could laugh together. I had ruined all those memories we shared.”

Note: Variations of the sentiment “we can laugh when we’re together” recur throughout BU.

15 September Year 20 Notes 1 (HS)

In the hospital emergency room, HoSeok wants to explain how JiMin had a seizure at the bus stop to his mother, Sim SeonMi. When the doctors wheel JiMin’s bed out, HoSeok begins to follow until SeonMi thanks him and touches his shoulder. He feels like she has drawn a line between them that he cannot cross. He falls to the floor, and when he looks up, JiMin’s bed is gone.

Note: The name of JiMin’s mother is specified in his BTS Universe Story arc, Stopped Time. JiMin’s 11 May Year 22 entry in Notes 1 reflects that he blacked out at the bus stop after seeing the window of the Grass Flower Arboretum shuttle bus open. His 12 August Year 22 entry in Notes 2 reveals the real cause of JiMin’s seizure at the bus stop: he sees the boy that he left behind at the arboretum warehouse on 6 April Year 11. Though the boy’s empty eyes no longer speak to JiMin, this chance encounter awakens his memories of that day.

28 September Year 20 Notes: Her and Smeraldo Books Twitter

JiMin, heavily medicated, has lost track of how long he has been back in the hospital. But he considers this a special day because he lies to the doctor for the first time about not remembering anything.

Note: He is lying about not remembering what triggered his seizure at the bus stop on 15 September and/or what happened at the Grass Flower Arboretum when he was a kid (see Notes 2 comments above). This lie is also referenced in his 11 May Year 22 entry in Notes 1.

30 September Year 20 Notes 1 (JK)

A teacher hits JungKook with an attendance book when he refuses to admit that he still visits the classroom hideout, reminding him of when YoonGi was beaten. Later, JungKook stands outside the room and imagines that the others are waiting for him on the other side. He opens the door to only find HoSeok, clearing out what remains of their belongings. HoSeok walks him out, and JungKook realizes that those days are gone and will never come again.

25 February Year 21 Notes: Her (HS)

HoSeok watches himself dance in the mirror. He has danced since he was around twelve and discovered an ecstasy that came from inside himself. Outside of the mirror, HoSeok is a person who collapses everywhere and takes medicine he doesn’t need, who smiles even when he hates it and isn’t happy. But when he dances, he truly becomes himself, casting away all that weighs him down and feeling that he can become happy.

2 May Year 21 Notes: Persona (JK)

Biking along the Yangjicheon riverbank, JungKook thinks about how his friends left him one by one and that no one at home or in the world smiles at him anymore. He stops in the shadows under a bridge. Nobody comes to this kind of ruined place, and maybe that is the reason no one comes to him either. He feels most comfortable alone in the complete darkness where no one will look for him and wants the moment to never end.

9 August Year 21 Notes: Persona (SJ)

SeokJin walks along a Los Angeles beach and photographs the ocean. It has been a year since he fled Songju and moved to his mother’s family’s home, where he grew up as a child. He doesn’t photograph people anymore and didn’t bring any photos from high school with him, afraid to remember who he was at that time or to wonder about how his friends are doing and whether they still think of him.

17 December Year 21 Notes 1 (NJ)

This lengthy entry details events that transpired since the autumn of Year 20 when NamJoon’s family moved to the village, framed by moments on 17 December itself as NamJoon leaves on his own. His family chooses this village because it has a nearby hospital for his ailing father and employers who will hire someone without a high school diploma. NamJoon serves as a delivery boy for an eatery, competing for work with the other local boys. They grow a strange sense of solidarity, and he privately dubs one of them “TaeHyung,” even though the boy’s discontent, outward behavior is more akin to YoonGi’s. (Quotation marks added to the name here for clarity.) Competition slackens when snow falls in winter. NamJoon and “TaeHyung” are the only ones poor enough to risk the road up to the mountain town’s rest area when orders are phoned to the village below. On an afternoon forecast to have heavy snowfall, the restaurant owner dismisses “TaeHyung” due to his bruised face and gives the deliveries to NamJoon. The old delivery scooter fishtails on NamJoon’s third trip down the mountain, throwing him off. More anxious about the scratched scooter than his cut ankle and aching body, NamJoon finally gets it to restart and returns to the eatery. “TaeHyung,” who has been hanging around this whole time, approaches and asks for a favor. Before he can answer, NamJoon receives a call from his mother relaying that his father went outside alone and fell, requiring a trip to the hospital. NamJoon understands that his father was only trying to keep his dignity but is still frustrated because he can’t earn any more much-needed money this day. He hands “TaeHyung” the keys and leaves to take his father to the hospital.

The next day, NamJoon learns that “TaeHyung” was in a fatal accident during one of the deliveries up the mountain. The police officer blames him for being a poor driver and not wearing a helmet. NamJoon does not speak up that he has never seen the helmet the owner now has placed out on the counter. He visits the scene of the accident, thinking that the white outline on the road could be his if he was the one to make the next delivery—just as it could be his family mourning in the village instead of “TaeHyung’s” mother. On a later trip carrying his father home from the bus stop, NamJoon pretends not to hear his father’s frail voice over the noise of barking dogs. A week after that, NamJoon is making steady deliveries up the mountain. During what is ultimately his last delivery, he speaks with a stranger at the rest area, who cautions him to take care. “Do you know what’s really dangerous? Calcium chloride and wet leaves, not the snow itself,” the stranger blurts as NamJoon departs. NamJoon drives carefully back, not looking at the scene of the accident. This is not out of safety, as he tries to convince himself, but guilt: guilt for surviving, for his relief of being the one alive, for not defending “TaeHyung’s” driving skills. He also wonders if he is “a hypocrite pretending to have a guilty conscience.” Because he scattered wet leaves and sprinkled calcium chloride to prevent the road from icing over where he fell that afternoon, believing that he would be making the next delivery. If he did not do both those things, would “TaeHyung” be alive?

Mind and body numb, NamJoon makes it home from the delivery detached from the world around him. The barking dogs snap him out of the daze, and he remembers his father’s words that he pretended not to hear and dwelled on daily despite trying not to think about them: “Go, NamJoon. You must survive.” The next morning (17 December), NamJoon sneaks away to the bus stop. He is running away from his family’s misfortunes, from his own resignation to his fate, from poverty. The bus is scheduled to arrive in Songju in a few hours—the city he left with no notice and is returning to once more with the same. NamJoon wonders if his old friends still live there and how they are doing. On the frosted window, he writes with his finger: “I must survive.”

Note: The village boy’s real name is JongHun according to NamJoon’s 12 June Year 22 entry in Notes 2, which also reveals that he visited JongHun’s home to give his condolences before he left town.

1 February Year 22 Notes: 7 (SJ)

Summoned by his father without explanation, SeokJin flies back to Korea from Los Angeles. Although he has addresses in both LA and Songju, neither place feels like his home.

———————————————————

Update Log

Posted May 5, 2021

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