#love u messy lesbians

[ladyintree]

maybe that’s the answer to the question she’s had for years,  wondering if mikayla still thought about her — wondering if she felt the same void that taissa did for so long,  knowing that they should be together,  but never willing to do anything about it for fear that it might stop some kind of progress she’s had.  it looked like progress,  it felt like progress — but as she sits next to mikayla now,  she knows that that’s hardly what it was.  and it makes her want to be angry at mikayla for being here at all,  for reminding her that the picture perfect life she presents the public with is a lie,  because it doesn't really mean anything if the love she’s supposed to feel for her family simply isn’t there.  she doesn’t say anything,  because there’s nothing to say to that,  and most importantly,  no reason for taissa to fight for it— because mikayla owes her nothing,  she knows.  

she doesn’t finish her sentence,  but taissa understands what she’s refering to.  she just doesn’t know why.  when they were teenagers,  and she fell in love with mikayla,  taissa remembers how it felt to be that exposed,  to open her heart in the way she did with one person who she could have so easily lost out there.  it made her love her harder,  because any day could have been their last together,  and she refused to waste it — even if it meant revealing everything in her heart, in her soul, in a way that she never thought she’d ever be able to do with anyone.  she remembers the first time they told each other they loved each other,  how her cheeks were warm despite the freezing cold,  how butterflies danced in her stomach,  how even in the midst of the most traumatic conversation they could have,  all she felt was love,  because when mikayla said it,  she believed it.  she thought the same was true for mikayla,  that she understood how much it meant for taissa to speak those words to her every day after,  how she fell even more for her every time they slipped her lips.  taissa loved mikayla like she never knew was possible,  she loved her in a way that could never be taken back,  never ignored,  never washed away — even 25 years later,  never seeing her or speaking to her in between,  she still knew what it was like to love her,  probably because she had accepted long ago that she would never stop.  

why did it sound like she no longer believed in what they had?  why does it feel like she no longer believed her?  taissa’s own fault, she knows;  she hadn’t given her much reason to believe in their love after rescue,  but she hates knowing that mikayla would question it anyway,  even now.  and she’s not sure if this is the right time to fight her on it, either —- does it even matter?  they’ve both moved on,  at least in some way.  but as hard as tai tried to lock her feelings for mikayla away in a box on her shelf,  they were always there,  always keeping tai from ever truly feeling it again with anyone else.  as much as she wishes to forget everything that happened to them out there,  she doesn’t want to forget what it felt like to love mikayla,  as much as she’s told herself she’d be better off for it  — and she certainly doesn't want mikayla to forget the way she was loved, either.  she should be happy for her, knowing she found love elsewhere after taissa broke her heart — but a selfish part of her hopes that it was never the same for her, either.  maybe she wouldn’t be alone, anyway.

❝  are you fucking kidding me?  ❞   she blurts out with a scoff,  her posture straightening with her annoyance as she feels that exact heartbreak rushing back to her now,  angry that mikayla could even suggest that it wasn’t hard for her, too.   ❝  you sure think you know a lot about me for someone who hasn’t been around in two fucking decades,  ❞  she scoffs,  not even intending to sound like she's blaming her,  even though it’s the way she comes off.  ❝  —- no.  i wasn't wondering,  ❞   she says,  keeping her words short,  trying not to fall apart at the way mikayla reveals something to her.  it’s obvious that she broke mikayla’s heart,  but hearing it now makes her feel so much smaller,  her regrets starting to suffocate her now.  ❝  i know exactly what it's like to lose the person i was in love with,  ❞    she says, speaking clearly now,  over-calculating the exact moment to turn her head and glance to her again.  this time,  she lets her glance linger,  making sure mikayla knows that it’s only her that she could be talking about.  

with her eyes back on the road now,  she starts to feel too brave,  almost enough to pretend mikayla won’t hear the words she's about to say.  ❝  i know what it's like to wonder how things would be if it turned out differently.  i know what it's like to compare every single girl to her.  i know what it’s like to feel like i can’t ever have it back.   yeah.  i know what it's like.  ❞    she pushes out a frustrated sigh,  because she wants to believe her words are solely about her younger self,  but they’re still as relevant today as they ever were.  especially as the election looms closer,  she’d be lying if she claimed her thoughts hadn’t drifted to mikayla every time simone reminded her that she had to go about this the right way,  rejecting all of taissa’s ideas that would give her a leg up,  no matter how brutal they were.  mikayla would understand,  she’d think,  remembering the way the girl used to validate her darkest moments,  remind her she’s still human despite those desires.  that was easier to ignore when she hadn’t seen mikayla in years,  but now,  she knows those thoughts will only continue and they’ll bleed into every aspect of her life. 

she knew that if she ever saw mikayla again,  this conversation was inevitable.  that was part of why it felt relieving to never see her again,  no matter how much she longed for it — because the truth is,  she didn’t have any real answers.  none that would make any sense,  not even just to mikayla,  but to herself.  her jaw clenches again and she shakes her head slowly,  relieved that she’s not the same teenager she once was,  when the stresses pertaining to her heart would’ve made her start to cry,  because she can’t let mikayla see her like that now.  ❝  how dare you—-  ❞   she mumbles under her breath,  her head pressing into the headrest.  ❝  a monster, really?  you think i’d think of you like that?  ❞   she dares to glance her way again,  but it makes it harder not to let the tears well in her eyes,  because she can handle mikayla being angry at her,  she can handle mikayla calling her out for not being there,  but she can’t handle mikayla thinking that she ever saw her that way,  especially after they’d once laid together,  after mikayla’s first kill,  and tai reassured her that she would always understand what that kind of violence meant to her — that extended beyond the wilderness,  too. 

❝  god.  you really are full of assumptions,  ❞   she mumbles under her breath.  ❝  just deciding what you think is true—-  ❞   she says,  barely loud enough to hear.  she collects herself,  knowing she can’t let her anger get the better of her,  not when this feels pertinent.   ❝  i could never think of you that way, ❞   she says,  calmer now.  ❝  and,  for the record, i never let anyone else think that, either.  ❞   not any of the other survivors,  if they’d brought it up,  and certainly not any of the strangers who were so desperate for details,  especially about mikayla.  but defending her to everyone else,  never to her face,  probably isn’t giving her any clarity now.  

there she goes again,  and tai grips the steering wheel harder.  she was never okay with anyone making assumptions about her or assuming they know what she felt or why she did the things she did—  but hearing it from the person who used to understand tai’s insecurities and her fears makes it even more frustrating.  ❝  useful to me?  the fuck—-  ❞   she blurts,  again trying to reel herself back in as she takes a deep breath.   ❝  is that what you think our relationship was?  some kind of fucking transaction?  ❞  she pushes out a breath,  tongue clicking the roof of her mouth.  ❝  i don’t even—-   know what you mean,  ❞   she says,  even more frustrated that she doesn’t know which part of their relationship mikayla assumes was just convenient for tai,  but she goes on anyway.  ❝  — i didn't forget about you.  life would've been a whole lot easier if i did,  but i didn’t.  is that what you want me to say?   because i sure as fuck didn’t see you as just  . .  .   useful.   i fucking loved you. ❞  the past tense of ‘loved’ makes her voice falter,  and it shouldn’t make her skin crawl,  but it does.  because it’s not true,  and that’s one of the few things of her life she’s never been able to control. 

everything mikayla says seems to have a double meaning,  leading back to her anger at tai.  she deserves it,  she knows,  but mikayla only has half the facts — at least this time,  it’s pretty straight forward.  tai didn't show up for her.  but she has shown up for nat, repeatedly, even though nat never asks — tai’s loyalty to her leadership from the wilderness undying.  and she’d shown up for shauna when it mattered, too — even if they didn't know how to stay in touch regularly,  even though it felt like they couldn’t.  she sees it now,  how unfair that is to mikayla,  how she could have been there for her too.  but their relationship was different.  it couldn't work the same, she always thought.  her words sting,  and she wonders—-  did nat visit her?  she can't be jealous that someone else might've been there for her when she wasn’t willing, though.  

❝ none of us knew what we were doing on the outside,  ❞   she insists,  treating it like a defense for all of them,  but really,  it’s only for herself.    ❝  we might’ve known to keep each other safe—- but we sure as hell didn't know how to be there for each other.  trust me,  it's been a fucking mess for the rest of us, too.  i don’t talk to any of them regularly, ❞   she insists,  like that's going to help,  like that makes not being there for mikayla any better.   it's the closest she can get to an 25-year late explanation.  ❝  i don’t think any of them do.  i mean,  shit,  you saw how damn icy nat and shauna were��-   ❞   she takes a deep breath,  because even she hardly paid attention to that,  too caught up in seeing mikayla again.    ❝  we do our best.  but none of us know how the hell to be around each other anymore.  i don’t blame you for leaving,  ❞   she finally says,  but still,  it's not about this town.  it's about her.  she doesn’t blame mikayla for not coming back to her.  

tai’s eyes roll at the explanation,  even though she’s sure her wife doesn’t deserve it.  they already have something in common;  they know what it's like to love mikayla desousa.  she wonders if calypso understands how lucky she is to be with her,  the girl who once seemed so hard to reach,  but when she loved,  she loved hard.  does she get to know that,  too?  how deep mikayla loves?  she doesn't entertain the comment,  only acting uninterested.  ❝  and,  that’s what you call her?  no .  .  .  nickname?  ❞  she realizes it’s too far,  that she shouldn’t care at all,  so she scoffs and tries to let it go.

her sarcastic comment brings another sigh from tai,  but she can't help wondering if there’s more she actually wants to ask.  she’s not even sure if she could answer the questions if and when she does.  she couldn’t answer shauna when she’d confronted her about being in the public eye,  because she had considered how dangerous that was,  and it’s now biting her in the ass.  the stress is starting to overwhelm her,  clearly enough for her to break away from herself and detach the way she did during the most stressful moments of her life,  but she's still trying so hard not to think about that,  because she’s not ready to accept it,  still assuming that part of herself had been buried.    ❝  the election's soon.  ❞   though she’s using her perfectly-crafted campaign voice to make the statement,  someone who once knew her very well might hear how deflated it is,  because tai isn't so sure about her odds,  especially after all that’s unfolding now.  she just has to keep moving forward,  because she's already broken simone’s trust by staying in the race,  she can't let it be for nothing.  ❝  so,  it’ll all calm down eventually.  ❞  but even she doesn’t believe that,  especially if she wins —-  and even if she loses.  

this earns mikayla a smile,  one that’s both amused and annoyed.  she shouldn’t still care about taissa,  not with the silence between them,  but hearing her say it does still sting — and,  at the same time,  it’s endearing,  because mikayla still has the same fire that taissa once fell in love with.  ❝  when have you ever held back from the shit you want to say, anyway?  ❞   she asks,  mostly under her breath,   still loud enough for her to hear.  though, she knows — she’s been holding back for years.  she never reached out either,  and though tai knows it should have been on her and not mikayla,  she still wonders why mikayla didn’t reach out — and more than that, she wonders how quickly she herself would have folded for her.  

there’s some relief in knowing she doesn’t have kids,  even if she doesn’t know why,  but what mikayla says makes her feel sad,  remembering all the things they’d once said about themselves.  ❝  that’s what i thought, too,  ❞  she admits,  giving her something real — but she wishes she could add to that that she was wrong.  after what she discovered tonight,  she's not sure she is,  thinking back to all the things she’d blamed sammy for in the last week.  had she been wrong to get mad at him for the things that it seems….  she did?  she wants to tell mikayla that,  too — that she's a terrible mother,  and mikayla should trust her own gut,  to never end up in a position like this.  her eyes narrow in on the road at the mention of sex with her wife,  and she is bothered by it — so she hits her back,  shaking her head,  feigning nonchalance.  ❝  there’s still plenty of time for it,  ❞   she insists,  though as much as she wants to be smug about it,  she can’t.  she keeps herself too busy most of the time,  and when it is time for that,  it’s as good as it can be without the spark.

from the corner of her eye,  she feels mikayla move,  and it makes her body shift awkwardly too.  she definitely isn't expecting the question that comes out of her mouth,  forcing her head to whip around and look back at her,  only for a moment.  she lets out a scoff as she reminds her of the blackmailer’s bruising,  her mouth opening to speak,  but her lips purse together when she points out the bandage on her hand.  when shauna asked earlier in the night,  she kept her composure.  she didn’t give her an answer, she moved past it, she didn’t let her mind dwell on it.  but something about mikayla asking her makes her want to break down and cry,  to let it all out,  to tell her how fucking terrified she is that that might be happening again.  she wants to be brave,  to tell herself that it won’t bother her,  to make everyone else believe that these things don't get to her the way they used to,  especially her,  but it’s so hard when it’s her arms that she used to melt into in the darkest parts of the night,  terrified out of her mind,  wondering if she would even come out of any of this alive.  

she lets out a breath,  her head tilting up in an effort to appear strong, unbothered— but she falters again,  her shoulders immediately slumping,  exposing just how tired she is.  none of them have slept all night— but there’s a certain kind of exhaustion written across taissa’s body and in her eyes that is all too familiar to her,  and probably,  to mikayla too.  she saw it when she stared back at herself in the mirror as she tried to rid herself of whatever happened to her — whatever might have been happening to her for a while.  she gets a small shiver at the thought,  letting out a soft hum as she tries to think of the right way to answer someone whose can’t actually talk to about this anymore. 

❝  —- i made sure that asshole will be feeling it more than me tomorrow,  ❞   she says,  trying to focus on the blackmailer instead,  because as terrifying as that is,  that’s somehow easier than talking about her hand.  but — it’s still mikayla.  and though she’s not ready to admit to anything,  she has to give her something.   fingers tap against the steering wheel for a second before she goes on.   ❝  i’m fine,  ❞   she says,  glancing down as she brings her hand up to glance over it for a moment.  ❝  it’s— nothing.  ❞   if nat hadn’t rushed her,  maybe she would have had more time to come up with a better lie,  but she works quickly on the spot now.   ❝  not really sure what happened.  ❞   at least that's not a lie,  but she doesn't want to leave an opening for mikayla to assume too much,  either.   ❝  i was rushing,  working on something at home.  got distracted—- you know,  nat texted.  fucking eye sore for the press to have a hay-day with,  but i’ll manage.  ❞

the worst part of all this isn't even the blackmail. that's bad, obviously, and fills mikayla with panic, after everything they'd all done to keep what happened in the wilderness a secret, but she's hoping that the money might buy them enough time to figure things out before anything happens. the worst part is that all the progress mikayla thought she made with moving on is gone now, no matter how much she wants to deny it; deep down, she knows she's going to feel emptier than ever, returning home to her life without taissa, knowing that she was out there, as beautiful as ever, completely unbothered by everything that happened between them. she'd known that anyway, but it's worse to actually see her, to be this close to her again and know she could never have her again.

her eyes roll, gaze cast out the window. “ yeah. there's nothing worth thinking about there. ” while it's almost entirely true, because the past holds so much hurt, especially for mikayla, who's trauma began far before she ever stepped on that plane twenty-five years ago, there used to be good. there used to be them. for the longest time after their rescue, once her hope died and mikayla realized taissa would never come for her, that's what bothered her the most— how everything that happened between them could just suddenly mean nothing. how taissa could go from being with mikayla practically every second of every day to never seeing her again and being completely fine with that, like it didn't feel as though she was missing a part of herself. the only conclusion mikayla could come to was that it didn't mean anything to taissa. mikayla was the idiot who fell, and tai just played along out of boredom, out of a lack of options.

it stings to watch taissa get so defensive of nat, not because mikayla doesn't think nat deserves it, but because she doesn't understand why she doesn't. what was so wrong with mikayla that she didn't matter to any of them? misty might have attempted to visit her, might have been the one to pick her up from prison, but mikayla knows even she doesn't actually care— that all of that had to do with misty's own need for attention, knowing that mikayla wasn't in a position to easily ignore her, the way everyone else could.

“ i'm not talking about losing them. i'm talking about— ” us, but the word gets stuck in her throat. it's for the best, because mikayla's aware of how pathetic it sounds. it's ridiculous to talk about their failed relationship so many years later, because they should both be over it by now, but it's not as if taissa ever gave mikayla the chance to talk about it before. “ you don't know what it's like to lose the person you were in love with, ” she says finally, deciding to put it out in the open: that she knows — or just firmly believes, really — that taissa never loved her. when she'd said it, she just hoped that it would make it less painful, somehow, to finally say something about it, but it hurts instead, aching with the need to ask why she couldn't, after everything mikayla did. “ it fucking sucks, in case you were wondering. ” mikayla's hesitant to admit that much, because it's far too close to confessing that tai hurt her, but she has to know that, right? she has to know that mikayla spent every day waiting for her to reach out, to do something, and that it killed her when that never happened. what she doesn't say is worse: at least natalie has the closure of knowing travis is dead, even if she's losing her mind in her attempt to figure out how; at least she knows he's not coming back, instead of fighting a five year battle with herself, torn between holding out hope and giving up, until finally, there was only one real choice.

there's no real comfort in knowing that none of the girls from her college broke her heart, because mikayla had been hoping they hadn't anyway. not because she didn't want taissa's heart to be broken — bitterly, she wanted her to know what it felt like, how much it hurt — but because that means that none of them had her heart in the first place. someone else has it now, so it doesn't really matter. now might be the chance to ask how that happened, when taissa met her eventual wife, but jumping out of the moving car would be far less painful than having to hear about the details. it was bad enough to hear the vague details from misty over fifteen years ago, worse to have to see photos of them all over town, the newspapers taunting her in the gas station on her way over; she can't handle hearing the full extent of it from tai.

she's not sure why taissa's surprised, not when she's given her no reason to come up with any other conclusion. it only made sense that taissa never visited her, never even called, because she was disgusted by what mikayla did, even if she was left with no other choice— disgusted that they escaped the violence and savagery, only for mikayla to commit it only a month later, as if she enjoyed it. the hint of smile she'd worn in her mugshot likely didn't help her case, but mikayla could never deny that there was satisfaction in knowing she won, that he could never hurt her again. but he still did, landing her a spot in prison, distancing herself from all of her peers, setting her even further back than the crash. “ how was i supposed to know that? all i knew was that, for some fucking reason, you didn't care enough to see me. just makes sense that you thought i was some monster, just like everyone else. ” she's not sure what the other survivors thought of it; nat had to understand, so she wasn't worried about her opinion, and none of the others really mattered to her. but taissa's did. it still does, as much as she wants to tell herself that it doesn't.

mikayla never forgot the way tai protected her, too, but she assumed it was only to protect herself in the long run— because mikayla would have done anything for her, no matter the cost, no matter who she had to hurt in the process, so it was better to keep her around. at the time, she never would have doubted taissa's love for her, but it was different then, because she felt it— but she hasn't felt that in so long that it's easy to delude herself into thinking it didn't mean anything. “ i also remember how the second i stopped being useful to you, you forgot about me. ” everyone did, really; she knows that the only reason she's here now is because nat thought she could help, suddenly useful again, and if she wasn't desperate, she never would have called mikayla.

she almost laughs at the irony of taissa, of all people, saying that to her. mikayla should be surprised that tai came, that she showed up at all, because she failed to do that for her when she needed it most, but it just solidifies the belief that mikayla meant nothing to her. clearly, taissa's capable of showing up, of being there for people. just as long as it wasn't mikayla. “ she said she needed my help, ” she clenches her jaw so hard it hurts, inhaling sharply. “ i know what it's like to need someone, just for them to never fucking show up. i wouldn't do that to her, even if— ” even if none of you had any problem doing that to me. but that doesn't need to be said, not when it's evident in the anger in her voice, despite her attempts to hold it back, to be better than she used to be. but she's not better, not even close. “ and she didn't tell me you'd be there. ” she adds, as if that would have made a difference, wanting tai to think that had mikayla known she'd be forced to see her again, she wouldn't have come at all. but that's not the truth, because while she hadn't known, she'd still hoped, feeling sick with nerves and anticipation, although she can't place why.

her eyes narrow in annoyance, almost asking if she was supposed to tell her wife, like the thought itself is ridiculous, but she just continues to stare out the window instead, her arms crossing over her chest. once again, there's the briefest moment in which she wonders if taissa's actually jealous right now, and that's why she's questioning her wife's name, but she turns the thought away as quickly as it comes, because she can't afford to let herself go there. “ it's greek, ” she grumbles, although she doubts taissa actually cares at all. “ some goddess or something. i don't know. but it's fitting. ” she manages a smug smile, although it's small, a part of her hoping that it gets under tai's skin. mikayla doesn't see the true irony of just how fitting her wife's name is, despite vaguely knowing the story surrounding it; if she did, she wouldn't have brought it up at all.

mikayla had her suspicions within the last twenty-four hours, but the confirmation that tai kept in touch with nat and shauna hurts. why did they get that? she wants to ask, more than anything, desperate to have the answers she never got decades ago, but she doesn't think she can bring herself to ask without breaking down. she refuses to give taissa the satisfaction of seeing her like that over her after so many years. “ i haven't talked to any of them, ” she says instead, her chest deflated, because what she really means is none of them have talked to me. besides misty, but that's nothing to brag about, so she doesn't bring it up at all.

it's hard, being around taissa and not asking questions, because there had been a time when she was desperate to know more, when she wanted to know everything about her. she knows nothing now, outside of what she went through, and she's not sure if she's allowed to ask. she's not sure if asking would be pathetic, if taissa would just think of her as the pathetic, lovestruck idiot she used to be. “ thanks for clearing that up. i thought there was always just pictures of your family all over new jersey, ” she says sarcastically instead, her eyes rolling. she wants to know why taissa's running for office, because she can't remember her ever mentioning that back then, but she doesn't know how to ask, feeling like a complete stranger around the only person she'd ever really known.

she wonders if having a child was something tai actually wanted— if tai would have wanted that with her, in a universe where they actually worked out, where they were married to each other, instead of other people. of course, she's not something she could ask, since it's not something she should be thinking about at all. she nearly responds with i know when tai tells her his age, remembering that phone call from misty, remembering how that had been the sole reason mikayla proposed to calypso at all. mikayla knows it's pathetic, so that's not something she can admit to anyone, especially not her, of all people. “ oh, no, i stopped giving a shit about you a long time ago. but we're stuck in this car together, and i can't exactly say all the things i used to want to say to you. ” because there's too much, and it's all too late. mikayla hopes it's believable, her claim to not care about taissa at all, but she suspects it isn't. not when she'd hardly been able to look in her direction at all, and if she really didn't care, it wouldn't hurt so much.

“ no kids, ” she mumbles, her shoulders lifting in a shrug. “ i don't think it's in my genetics to be a good parent. i don't need to be the cause of another fucked up kid. ” a part of her suspects that calypso's disappointed in that, no matter how much she claims she understands. but mikayla refuses to risk it, to watch herself become her mother, or worse, her father. “ and thank god, honestly. i can't imagine how much less sex we'd be having if we did. ” it's not as much as her comment suggests, not when her wife works so much, but she wants to gauge taissa's reaction more than anything, even though she shouldn't.

in an attempt to prove herself wrong, mikayla shifts her body, angling toward taissa slightly, forcing herself to look at her again, ignoring how much her chest aches when she does. it's a mistake, not only because of how much it hurts, but because she looks at tai's hand again. she shouldn't ask, especially not immediately after claiming she doesn't care about her, but she needs to know tai's okay. if she doesn't ask, she'll be left to wonder for the rest of the night, if not longer, so she gives in for her own peace of mind. “ are you okay? i know that asshole hit you, and... ” she hesitates before nodding her chin toward tai's bandaged hand, despite shauna having already asked about it before. but there used to be a time when mikayla could ask her questions that nobody else could, so a part of her believes that maybe she'll get a real answer this time. “ you didn't have that last night. ” mikayla regrets adding that the moment it leaves her mouth, because it's admitting that she paid attention, enough to remember.

[fishandshesmygills]

literally kissed someone last night bc they walked me back to my dorm and all the way up the stairs and we stopped and were looking at ourselves in the mirror on the landing and they were like "i have to stop kissing people with lipstick because it's all over my face" and i was like "omg me too" and then i was like we should.... and they smiled and leaned in and said "we should what?" and then we were kissing in the stairwell of my dorm

[lovevalley45]

i'm sorry but hen trying to give buck abt advice for kissing that firefighter when he's still with taylor i'm like girl u are not the one to be talking here

[malistaires]

can we get more fucked up yuri im begging

[wifeobtainer]

nobody knows apple white like i do

[thewingedwolf]

having a group of gay friends where this is their first group of gay friends apparently means they don’t find my “our one token straight friend is like a little gay” jokes funny apparently aksjsjs or when i bitch specifically about the gay dating scene near chicago being dominated by annoying white ex theater gays, they immediately get into like “well there are messy gay poc” yeah i’m aware of that, i’m talking about a really specific issue with the gays in this area pls keep up

[aler-ii]

need to make more sims ocs but currently fixated on my wips... ;_; I need to talk about Colette when I get the chance I am extremely normal about her

[scentofcedar]

I used to think I was attracted to men and maybe trans because I would look at mlm couples and be like I want that I want boyish love I want to wrestle and give each other shit and punch each other on the shoulder and be a little messy and dumb together I wanna blush at each others arm muscles. Turns out I’m just a butch who likes butches. Revelation. Didn’t know you could do that but it’s so cool like yeah show me your truck’s special features buddy I’m gonna kiss u stupid later. Oh u basically wore a gym outfit on our date that’s so hot actually, can I interest u in me slipping my fingers up the hem of your basketball shorts when I touch your knee? oh u cuddle me by spooning me in a half assed headlock that’s so cozy. I love being a boyish lesbian I love boyish lesbians I am kissing you all on the mouth

[aouiaa]

So, I was wonder if maybe u could write something about a very fluffy, touchy and messy make out/sex session with abby!!! Like, she just needs you closer and closer but she's so tender with it and sooo in love with reader. Pretty please and thanks <3

𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, 𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 : sexual intercourse between the same sex, softdom!abby, sub!reader, praising, reverse cowgirl, scissoring, spanking.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : first off, i just wanna apologize for disappearing. i know, i know. tumblr hasn’t been the same since i left but i’m back now!

the sight before abby was gorgeous, captivating even. your sweet moans and the way you clenched around nothing as you repeat a singular motion fueled by a need for your anticipated release. It was hypnotic, beckoning her closer.

in a sudden burst of desire, abby's right hand came down with a harsh slap, making you jolt and let out a drawn-out moan. you look back, gaze met hers, and she was utterly bewitched, her eyes heavy with lust. she pressed you down further, helping you grind against her. blunt nails digging into your skin, gripping tightly, and for a moment, you wished they would leave a mark, anything to remind you of this moment.

you call for her, a plea for more, and she responded with a guttural groan.

"i know, baby—fuuck, look at you.” she half chuckled, amazed by the sight in front of her. her breathing growing irregular as her hand reached back to tug at her disheveled braid, the action a testament to her own arousal. "fuck," she let out, her gasps ragged. it wasn't enough, she couldn't let it be. despite being closer to you than anyone had ever been, it wasn't close enough.

suddenly, she halted all movement, beckoning you to straddle her waist, her leg lifted and resting firmly over your shoulder. a smile tugged at her lips, "oh—god, yeah.” she swallowed thickly, curses escaping her as she pushed herself into the pillow. her large hands held your waist, guiding you with a gentle touch, helping you find the perfect rhythm.

it wasn't long before abby felt the familiar, tingling sensation, the harbinger of her release. with her hand at the nape of your neck, chest to chest, skin to skin, she pulled you down into a searing kiss, her lips hungry and desperate. it was a tangible expression of what she had been holding back, unable to vocalize.

her movements didn't leave you in the dark for long either. another sharp slap landed on your ass, followed by a grip that felt like a vice. erratic and needy, she met your movements. filthy, guttural moans echoed through the room as she broke the kiss to press her forehead against yours, her eyes holding you captive.

"abby.” you called out, your voice thick.

"tell—tell me you love me.” she pleaded, gasping for air.

"i love you.” you confirmed, her name on your lips as her movements grew even more frenzied.

"again.” she demanded, her need apparent.

"i love you—ah, fuck!” you breathed, your breaths quickening.

"again!" she insisted.

but the urgency in her voice was met by your own orgasm, a powerful wave that crashed over you. you slumped against her, limp and spent, as she helped you through the euphoria.

amidst of recollecting yourself, you finally share your awaited request, "i love you, abby."

requests are open, don’t be shy :3

PERMANENT TAGLIST, @dyk3ang3l, @elliesprettygirl, @les4elliewilliams, @r3starttt, @slut4mascss, @marsworlddd, @bready101, @abbysleftbicepp, @airenaa, @caraphernellie, @astralnymphh, @whore87, @kaiilectric, @sapphicontherun, @mikellie, @nihilisticangelbby, @be3flow3r, @ppuussyyy, @clairoscharm, @lvlymicha, @brackishkittie, @loveyru, @drunkonnatasha, @leosw0rld, @visupremacysstuff

REQUESTED TAGS, @picklesarenice69, @lesbian-useless, @graviewaviee

[lovelettersfromluna]

Not Strong Enough

Summary: Rule number 1 of being best friends with a vampire. Never let them drink your blood.

an: I HEAR YOU ALL YELLING AT ME IM SORRY!! This took entirely too long to get to you guys, but it’s here now! Better late than never right?? Is this heavily inspired by twilight? Yes. Did I use a BoyGenius song as the title? It’s lesbian smut, obviously. Is Ellie going to be a brooding depressed vampire? Oh hell yeah. I hope you all like this! I’m a slut for anything supernatural so this was obvi very fun for me to write. As always, love you all so so much! Thanks for reading 🤍

Warnings: SMUT!!, MDNI!!, scissoring (if ur mad I’m doing another scissoring fic….idk what to tell you it’s hot), messy kissing, Ellie bites reader (outside of blood sucking), mentions of marking, mentions of bruises, mentions of blood, Ellie is kind of insufferable for a small bit but I promise it gets better, please lmk if I missed anything!

Read part 1 here!!

Ellie knew it was a bad idea from the very beginning.

She knew that she was too weak for you, even outside of sucking your blood. You were too fucking good for her, too much of a dream for Ellie to go and fuck up like she did.

Truth be told, Ellie expected all of it. She expected to get utterly addicted to you, she expected the blurred lines of your relationship to become even more blurred when she began sucking you dry of your life source, she even expected herself to lose control when she was in the act, humping and grinding your soft body like a wild fucking animal as if she had no control over herself.

She expected all of it, every single aspect that came with the territory, she knew was coming.

But the hardest part of it all? Was leaving you completely.

Because she knew the moment she felt herself lose control while she was on top of you that night in your apartment, she knew she needed to leave you. She needed to abandon you and your friendship for the greater good, for your sake.

Ellie knew that she wasn’t good for you, and you weren’t good for her. But that didn’t make the pain of not seeing you any less.

She thought she’d be able to do it at first, but the texts from you only reminded her of how much she loved your company, how obsessed she was with simply being around you.

She wound frown every time her phone went off, a low groan leaving her lips when she lifted it up to look at her screen, only to see it was from you.

Ellieeeeee

Where are you?

Haven’t seen u in the longest :((

Ellie can practically hear your pout in the way you text her. She knows you too well, and she knows that you aren’t handling her sudden disappearance well.

At this point, it’s been about two months since Ellie has seen you last? Maybe three? She stopped keeping count because it was driving her insane. It wasn’t even the blood supply that she missed, Ellie would go hungry ten times over, dying from starvation if it meant she could be around you without feeling she was robbing you of your life, ruining things that you were meant to experience because she was too fucking selfish.

Ellie misses you, and it pains her that she hasn’t been able to have you in so long.

Well…not entirely at least. She knew she’d lose her mind entirely if she couldn’t at least be around you for a few moments, so her usual nighttime visits become a bit more frequent when she decides she can’t be around you anymore. She’s a lot more careful when she does it though, knowing how sensitive you were to her presence. It was almost unbelievable how easily you’d woken up to her in your room in the past. She doesn’t know how she’d explain things if you woke up now, not having seen her in so long. So she’s extra aware of how much noise she makes.

Seeing you sleep is almost enough to keep Ellie’s demons at bay, the ones that screamed for you, yearned for you to be by her side, to have your warm skin pressed against her much colder one.

As per usual, she’s scaling up the brick wall of your apartment building, making her way up to your bedroom like thief in the night. You continue to leave your window open every night, and it breaks Ellie’s heart because she knows you’re doing it for her, most likely hoping she slips into your window as she usually does.

It means Ellie needs to be even more careful than she anticipated.

She doesn’t even dare to sit on your bed, standing in the corner of your room as she watches your chest rise and fall. She doesn’t even breathe, scared that the sound of it will wake you.

And she desperately wants to reach out and let her fingers run along your soft skin, desperate for the feeling that you always brought her when you’re near. It makes her fists balk at her sides as she practically itches to feel you, fighting back any and every thought that she had to touch you, if even for a moment.

But she doesn’t. Instead, he stays with you just before the sun rises. She knows it’s risky, and she knows she shouldn’t do it in the event that you wake up and see her. Even if she’s fast enough to dart out of your room before you can even call her name or turn the lights on, you’re too smart for that. You’d know what was happening before she can even begin to gaslight you into thinking it was simply a dream.

She can’t help herself, not when it comes to you. Seeing you sleep satisfies the burning feeling in her chest, the one that yearns so desperately for you, it’s enough to make her knees weak. It’s almost like you’re capable of evoking the same feelings she had when she was a human, when she was weak and stupid and felt nervous around women. Until you showed up, Ellie hadn’t experienced those feelings in a long time, she’d almost forgotten about them.

You always remind her though.

Like when she’s about to leave you, knowing she’s cutting it too close to the time you’re going to wake up and start your day. Her footsteps are practically silence, even against the old, creaky floorboards of your apartment.

She’s almost out of your window, one leg outside as she plants her foot against the fire escape when she hears it. You began mumbling in your sleep, tossing a bit, clearly bothered by whatever dream you were having. While this should’ve been the clearest sign for Ellie to leave as quickly as possible before your eyes opened a bit to see her, she doesn’t. Instead, she stays sat on your window sill, simply watching as you turn to face her, eyes still closed as you pout in your sleep.

If Ellie had a heart that was still beating, she’s sure it would’ve stopped. Because suddenly your mumbling is just clear enough for her to hear.

“Ellie….” You sigh out softly, barely loud enough for the undead girl to hear, but she does. Regardless of the city waking up below her, or the sound of your ceiling fan creaking about, she hears it. It makes her frown deeply, swallowing back the intense whimper that threatens to escape and echo throughout your room.

She isn’t sure if she’s ever left your room so quickly, the girls eyes going wide as she made the familiar path down the side of your building to your side walk.

Even when she got home that night, the vampire practically breaking the front door down of her apartment to get in, she couldn’t get the sound of your voice uttering her name so sweetly, calling out for her even in the depths of sleep that you were in, tugged so deeply by your dreams, you were still calling out for her.

Ellie knew that night, that she had to stay away from her. For both your sake, and her own.

And she’s right, because you were suffering just as much as Ellie was.

Ellie’s presence was always scarce, and while it bothered you a bit before you learned what she was, it made sense. She was a creature of the night, something that seemingly only existed in storybooks, coming to life and living the strange lifestyle that she did.

But you knew immediately that this was different.

The morning after you saw Ellie last left a bitter taste in your mouth. As you woke up that morning, your neck sore with the bruises of Ellie’s lips on your skin, body far too drained and tired even after a night of a sleep that was just a bit too deep. It was similar to almost all the times Ellie had drank from you the night prior.

So, why did you feel so bad that morning?

You knew that you didn’t owe Ellie anything, that you were the one to suggest this in the first place, so there truly wasn’t any room for you to be upset for reasons unknown. What were you even supposed to say to her? That you had a weird feeling? One that you desperately wanted her to relieve by telling you it was all okay?

As much as you wanted to, you knew things between you and Ellie weren’t like that.

You were her friend. You were just her friend, and as much as you wanted more, you knew deep down that if Ellie truly wanted you that way, she would’ve made you she’s a long time ago.

And maybe that’s what bothers you the most when this little dry spell occurs, because the sudden lack of her presence leaves you entirely too much time to dwell on things, wondering what it was that you did wrong, what you could have possibly said to create this sudden rift between the two of you.

Ellie had always been flirtatious, flashing that pretty smile in your direction that made you weak in the knees, calling you sweet names that made your heart beat faster. She was practically dangling it all right in front of your face, the frequent touches, the late night visits at the foot of your bed, all this time when you have her the benefit of the doubt, chalking it all up to her simply wanting to see you and nothing more than that, suddenly made no sense to you.

With time came confusion, and with confusion came anger, desperate to understand why she left you, what you had done to possibly make her so scarce so suddenly. And once the third month had hit without seeing Ellie, you were furious, feeling as though you had one choice and one choice only.

To find Ellie, and get the answers from her yourself.

You don’t go to Ellie’s apartment, not usually at least.

Ellie always told you she liked hanging out at your place, going on and on about how warm and cozy it was being there. She’d never admit it to you because she didn’t want you to think she was a freak, but being in a place that smelled so heavily like you made her brain go absolutely insane.

You’ve been there maybe a handful of times, sometimes heading to her place after a night out, or even stopping by whenever you were in the neighborhood. Bottom line was, your apartment was the designated hang out spot for you and Ellie.

Regardless though, you remember how to get there like it’s written on the back of your hand. You thought about Ellie’s apartment a lot, loving how much the space reflected her. You always wished you had the chance to stay there more often.

You can’t think about that though, not now. Not when you’re storming down the expensive halls of her complex down to her door, and landing a heavy fist on the door. All you can truly care about now, is seeing Ellie and demanding an explanation for her sudden disappearance.

And it’s all so unlike you, so out of your character. If it was anyone else, you’d let it go, giving yourself a few days to sulk before forgetting about it all together and simply moving on. Maybe it’s because it’s Ellie, and maybe it’s because you feel a tad bit used after being her personal buffet for the last few times you’d been around her, just for her to up and leave.

It’s most definitely that. You just don’t want to admit it in fears of sounding selfish.

You land another firm knock on her door when she doesn’t answer in time, feeling yourself grow angrier as the moments pass.

Soon, she’s finally opening the door. The image of her nearly takes your breath away.

Because Ellie always looks beautiful, perhaps it’s the fact that you haven’t seen her in some time, but she looks fucking ethereal standing before you. So tall, so confident, her eyes so fucking dark, piercing through your very soul as she stares down at you. Her lips look like rubies compared to her cold, pale skin, so plump and kissable.

All you can think about is the way they felt pressed against your throat, and it makes you lift your hand to press against the two small circular scars on your neck.

Ellie frowns deeply as she eyes you, eyebrows furrowed and expression virtually unreadable.

“What are you doing here” she mumbles out, shifting on her feet awkwardly. Her question alone sets the fire off in your chest again, making you seethe as you take a deep inhale before responding.

“Are you kidding me Ellie?” You practically spit out, staring up at the girl in disbelief.

She lets out a soft sigh, her tattooed hand coming up to rub her face roughly before it moves up to rub through her hair.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” she manages before she tries shutting her door in your face. “You can’t be here” she mumbles out softly, the girl fully expecting to be able to shut the door.

You however, have other plans.

You’re quick to press your hand against the door, stopping her from closing it before you practically force yourself between it. Ellie’s eyes widen a bit at this, not used to seeing you so forward.

Soon, you’re pushing yourself into her apartment, your palm pressing against your forehead as you began pacing back and forth Ellie’s lavish apartment.

“I don’t…I don’t understand you Ellie. Is it something I said? Did I do something? If so please enlighten me I beg you” you blurt out, all of the words fumbling out of your mouth in one breath.

Ellie frowns deeply as she watches you pace back and forth her apartment, her eyebrows furrowed. She can truly see the damaged shes caused when she sees you like this, because it was much easier to watch you when you slept, so peaceful and unaware of the troubles that came with her absence. She knew you were going to blame yourself, and as much as she knew she couldn’t allow you to do that to yourself, she knew staying away was even more important.

Seeing you like this was possibly the hardest thing Ellie had to ever endure.

You don’t stop there, taking advantage of the lack of a response from Ellie to continue ranting.

“Is it because of the blood thing? If so I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry for simply caring enough to make sure you didn’t die from starvation or whatever it is that happens to you when you don’t eat. I’m sorry for making sure that you were okay, if that was so wrong please tell me…” your words trail off as you let out an exasperated sigh, your feelings and emotions becoming far too much as you practically sob out to her.

But then you’re pausing, your chest rising and falling quickly as you struggle to catch your breath. Ellie isn’t entirely sure why you’ve suddenly stopped, your back towards her as you stand there, doing god knows what.

When you finally turn around, your eyes are red and your cheeks are wet with tears.

“Were you just….using me? As your personal fucking blood bag?” Your words are shaky as you hold back another sob, your fists balled down at your sides.

Ellie freezes when you say this, because this is exactly what she was fucking afraid of.

It was a common theme throughout…her people. Vampires were notoriously alluring, seducing countless innocent and clueless victims into being their personal meal. The humans were almost always oblivious to what was being done to them, vampires often times using this to their advantage to keep them under their spell for as long as possible. It would most commonly been done in a way that made the humans believe the vampires loved them, dangling them by a thread as they promised them a life of eternity together, to live in immortality, side by side until the end of times. It almost never ended that way though, the vampires would suck and suck and suck until one day they went a bit too far, and their obedient human keeled over and died.

Ellie never wanted things to be that way with you.

She never even wanted you to think it was that way. She wanted you to understand that this was entirely up to you, and it could stop whenever you wanted it to. It’s why she constantly voiced to you that this was still a factor right before she fed off of you. Ellie would rather die than use you for a source of food, because truthfully you were far too good for that, too fucking pure to be used as something as low as a food source.

So when the words leave your lips, Ellie sees red.

Shes in front of you in less than a second, towering over you and staring down into your tear soaked eyes. Her nostrils are flared as she tries to hold back from tearing down her entire apartment complex around the both of you.

“You can’t possibly be stupid enough to think I’d ever use you for something so low..” her voice is low, and there’s a gravel in it that makes your core tighten and your chest bloom with something you can’t quite place, a feeling that can only be shelved in your mind right next to where Ellie takes place.

You don’t hack one, hot tears continuing to spill from your eyes as you stare at her with furrowed eyebrows.

“It makes sense….get your fix and then leave me like I’m nothing…this was probably your plan all along” you grit out.

Ellie licks her lips, knowing that you’re hurting just as much as she is, and your words are simply coming from a place of confusion, desperate to understand why she did what she did to you, why she left without a trace.

She leans in, her face a mere inches from yours. You can smell her minty breath wafting onto your face, and it’s bizarre because even that has a slight chill to it. It makes your cheeks cold, and it makes you want to reach out and warm her up.

“I would rather die a million deaths before using you for that…you and I both know this” she seethes out.

And it makes you whimper, because Ellie’s always been so fucking intense, so poetic. It makes your insides flip upside down, and your eyebrows knit together as you struggle to hold back a whimper.

Your features soften as you continue to cry in front of her. “Then why did you leave me…” you whisper out to the girl.

It breaks her heart how desperate you are for this. Not even for her, but simply for answers. All you want is to understand why she left, what you did to make her abruptly disappear without a single word.

Ellie’s eyes flutter shut for a moment, her pink tongue darting out to lick her plush lips before she finally speaks.

“I’ve never…been so weak for someone…in my entire life” she breaths out.

It surely isn’t what you’re expecting her to say. You think she’s going to say she’s gotten enough of you, or she just couldn’t handle having someone like you around. Hell, you were even beginning to think she was trying to cover up all her roots here and start somewhere else.

“I always have been…from the moment I fucking laid eyes on you, I knew you weren’t good for me…you’re too good for me” she continues, her eyes fluttering open as she finally stares down into yours. You can finally look into yours as you blink away the tears that are pooling in your eyes and blurring your vision, and it allows you to see the pain in her eyes, just how much she’d been struggling with all of this.

“It isn’t even your blood…it made it worse, yes…but just being around you is like…it’s like a fucking drug to me. You give me this feeling that I can’t…I can’t even begin to describe how fucking euphoric you make me feel” each of her words sounds like a plea, a plea for you to let her go, to unhand her from the death grip you have on her.

“And suddenly I’m always in your apartment, and you’re offering yourself to me and it’s like a dream come true and I feel like a fucking monster when I’m on top of you, sucking you dry of your fucking blood” it’s her turn to start pacing, running her hands through her hair as she settles one of her hands on her hip, she moves slower than you were, simply voicing the struggles she’s seemed to have with you from the moment you met.

She finally turns towards you, and she’s slowing make her way to where you’ve been standing this entire time. When she’s right back where she was, stood right in front of you, she takes your hand into hers ever so gently. It’s enough to make you flinch, how cold she is in contrast to your hot skin. She sighs, bringing your hand up to cradle her cheek, and her eyes flutter shut, nearly rolling back as she presses a soft kiss to your palm.

“I’m not strong enough for you…I don’t think I ever will be” she finally admits, and it’s like she’s not only admitting it to you, but to herself as well.

You hold back a whine as she kisses your palm, her lips so soft, so gentle with you.

“Then…then don’t be…why can’t you just let things happen” you sigh out as you stare up at her, in awe as the girl leaned into your touch as if it were her life line.

You aren’t even entirely sure what you’re asking her for, what this so called ‘thing’ is that she won’t let happen. Is it the feeding you’re alluding to? An act of true platonic kindness? Or are you asking for more, are you begging for something that Ellie has deprived you both of for the sake of the greater good?

Both you and Ellie have these same questions running through your minds.

She chuckles dryly against your skin, shaking her head as her hand gives your wrists a gentle squeeze.

“You aren’t even sure what it is you’re asking for…not from someone like me” she admits, eyes opening as she finally looks down at you again.

“I can’t…give you the things you deserve. I’m not capable of being the perfect person for you, not when I am what I am” her words are like venom on her tongue, the girl utterly disgusted with the monster that she became against her own will, the hell that she was forced to live over and over again with no foreseeable end.

“The only thing I can do, is take from you…I take and take and take….” Her words trail off, a soft frown on her lips before she finally looks at you once again.

“Until I’ve taken everything that you have…and there is no more of you to offer” she whispers out, as if the mere thought of a world without you pains her so much to say, she barely wants to say it.

You lick your lips, your eyes searching hers before you quickly shake your head.

“Do you want me? The same way that I want you?” You question carefully, fearful of what it is that she might say, worried that you’d been reading things entirely wrong, even after Ellie basically confessed how utterly obsessed she is with you.

She smirks softly, humming lowly as she gently brings your hand down to her lips, pressing another gentle kiss to it.

“It’s like I’ve waited my entire life for you, baby….saying that I want you would be an understatement” she chuckles out softly.

And you aren’t entirely sure how it even gets to this point, because you marched over to Ellie’s apartment with a purpose, that purpose being to yell at her and get the answers you deserved. But suddenly you’re standing in front of her, and your heart is exploding with so many different emotions and feelings, all of them for Ellie, and she’s just confessed to you that she wants you like you want her.

And you have no choice, but to kiss her.

It catches Ellie off guard, a soft whine leaving her lips as accepts your lips with gratitude, her arms moving down to drape along your waist as she pulls you closer.

It’s everything she’s ever dreamt it would be. Your lips soft and sweet against her own, your skin so warm and inviting, making her drink you up, fueling her with the warmth she’s lacked since the day she died. But despite how good it feels, she knows this is wrong, and it goes against everything she said she’d do for your sake.

Ellie breaks way first, watching as you struggle to catch your breath from the intense kiss. She’s quick to stop you from leaning in again, her hand cupping your face as she stares into your eyes.

“Angel…we can’t…I told you, I’m no good for you” she sighs out, the words paining her to even say.

You give her a soft pout, your arms wrapping around her shoulders loosely as you press your warm body against hers.

“I trust you Ellie….I know that you’d never hurt me” you sigh out softly as you stare into her eyes, your hand coming up to tuck a strand of her soft hair behind her ear.

“We don’t have to do the blood thing…but I just…can’t we just give us a try?” Your eyes are wide as you speak, eager to feel Ellie’s lips against yours again, even if for a moment. You don’t even take into consideration that she could say no, that she could turn you around and throw you out of her apartment without another word, doubling down on what she said she’d do with you.

But as Ellie said before, she’s just too fucking weak for you.

And hearing you ask for it, ask for her, it has her stomach in knots, and she feels like no matter what it is you ask her, she couldn’t possibly say no to you.

“What are you doing to me…” she sighs softly before she leans in to kiss you again, reciprocating the passion and heat that you gave her mere moments ago. You whine against her, your hands sliding back to tug at her hair, keeping her close as your lips moves against hers, your warm tongue sliding against hers.

“Missed you so much…” you sigh against her, and it makes Ellie groan softly as she nods, hands sliding down to grip your waist as she walks you back towards her bedroom, lips never leaving yours.

“Missed you more than anything, angel” she mumbles against your lips as she presses her palm against her bedroom door behind you, pushing it open and leading you further inside.

Ellie’s bedroom smells like her. It’s dark, and cold but oh so comforting. You practically sigh against her lips when you feel her laying your body down against her black silk sheets, the expensive material like butter on your skin. It makes your senses go in overdrive, Ellie’s hands caressing your skin, roaming around your body as her tongue rubs against yours in a dirty, passionate kiss.

“Don’t know how long I’ve waited to have you like this…” she sighs softly, her lips breaking away from yours to kiss along your jaw, down to your throat. You don’t miss the way Ellie kisses the now faded marks of her teeth on your neck, licking the skin softly before she sucks into it, sure to leave dark marks in the morning.

“Missed marking you up baby….” She hums against you, drinking in the sweet moans that leave your mouth, the sound alone like music to her ears.

Your mind is fuzzy, almost blank besides the thoughts of Ellie that stood in the forefront of your brain. It was like she was filling you up entirely, making you almost overwhelmed with her. Her scent, her cold skin, her soft hands, all of it was almost too much, a combination of sensory overload that kissed your skin so deliciously.

Soon she’s kissing down your body, practically worshiping her as her lips work on your soft skin. Her hands are pushing up your t-shirt, kissing your stomach and your ribcage until she’s tugging you up a bit to skillfully slip your shirt over your head. You’re bare before her, her lips matching onto your pebbled nipples as her tattooed hands work on your soft shorts, tugging them down your legs.

You don’t miss the way her tongue swirls around your nipple before letting go with a pop, lips moving up to nip at your collar bone with her flat teeth. Hard enough to leave a mark, but gentle enough to not break skin.

You giggle softly, bending your legs back to help as she tugs your shorts and panties off. She’s slotting herself between your legs, humming softly as she gives you a smirk.

“Something funny baby?” She questions before leaning in to press another kiss to the corner of your lips. You nod, a dreamy smile on your lips as you bring your hand down to tug at the hem of Ellie’s t-shirt.

“Seems like old habits never die, that’s all….need this off” you huff out softly, fingers fumbling between the hem of her t shirt and the waistband of her sweats.

Ellie chuckles at how eager you are before she nods, pulling back to tug her shirt off before she rolls over a bit to pull off her sweats and underwear as well before she makes her way back between your legs, towering over you as she crawls into you like a predator would its prey.

And it leaves your pussy soaking wet, because it’s better than you could’ve ever imagined. Ellie’s tits are pebbled similarly to yours, tattoos littering her pretty skin, muscles so beautiful they could make your mouth fucking water.

You’d always seen Ellie for the beauty she possessed…but this? This was so much more different.

It made your head fucking spin.

You whined softly as you practically tug her into her by her shoulders, moaning softly at the feeling of her boobs squishing against yours as your mouth attacks her in a needy kiss.

“Want you…” you sigh softly against her as your hand slides down between the both of you, cupping her pussy. You feel Ellie suck in a sharp breath at the feeling of your warm fingers against her sopping wet core, and she gives you an eager nod before rolling over, her strong hands gripping your thighs and taking you with her as she forces you to straddle her.

Being on top of Ellie is just as good as being under her, almost better in all honesty. The lighting in her bedroom is dim, but you can just make out her features with the moonlight that spills in through her big windows, and the moody lights she has set up along her walls. You don’t even realize it because you’re too busy gawking at her, but she lifts her leg up a bit and easily slots you down so that your pussy is right against hers, the feeling making you moan softly.

“You’re so pretty Ellie…” you practically sigh out. It makes Ellie moan softly, and she swears the sound of you calling her pretty is enough to bring her back to life, reversing the effects of her undead state.

“Fuck…can’t say those things to me baby…you’re gonna…Jesus..ruin me” she struggles to get out as she grips your hips, forcing you to roll your hips so that your clit and her clit bumps against each other.

Your eyes flutter shut when you feel it. It’s so fucking wet, and soft, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Sure you’d done it with other girls before, but this just feels…it almost feels like….

“Like you were fucking made for me princess” Ellie grits out, her teeth caging her words in as she fucks you down onto her pussy, practically using you for both hers and your pleasure.

You’re too far gone to pick up on it, too indulged in the feeling of Ellie’s strong hands gripping your thighs so deliciously, sure to leave marks in their shape when you both wake up in the morning.

Your back is arching almost painfully, your hand gripping her thigh as you find the rhythm Ellie has set for you, finding the perfect spot and keeping it there as you drive both you and her to your orgasms.

“I’m…Ellie you feel so good…you’re gonna make me cum” you squeak out, eyebrows furrowed as you finally look down at the girl beneath you, only to find that she’s just as much of a mess as you are. Her hair is messy and her lips look so pouty and kissable. It’s hard to make out, but her fanged teeth are pressing into her lips, and you’re sure it’s the sexiest thing you’ve seen in your entire life.

She gives you an encouraging nod, one of her hands coming to your ass and kneading it harshly before giving it a firm spank, the sinful noise echoing off the walls of her pristine bedroom.

“I know baby…I know…come on, want you to cum with me…that’s it…that’s my good girl” her praises make your chest burn, and it leaves knots in your stomach. It only drives you further, your hips moving faster as they roll against Ellie’s, desperately chasing both hers and your orgasm.

“Ellie…Ellie I’m…I’m gonna-“ you cry out, back arching as you grip her thighs quickly, feeling your own shake as your orgasm begins washing over you.

Ellie catches it right before it happens, the girl quickly sitting up and wrapping her arms around your body, pressing your chest against hers as she pulls you down to kiss her passionately, her own orgasm washing over her like a fucking train.

Your bodies are so in tune, so in sync that your moans almost mix to create a symphony that can only be described as love, total and unconditional love as her arms keep you close, as if stopping you from running away from her, from the feeling she gives you. Her lips are working against yours as you breath hard, struggling to catch your breath in the sloppy kiss.

You’re a whining mess, your poor pussy far too sensitive to deal with the amount of pleasure that Ellie brought to you, all of it washing over you like an intense sea of euphoria, nearly drowning you as you held onto the girl with weak hands.

She knows you’re weak, because she’s pulling you down to rest your warm body against her cool sheets, all while keeping her cool body pressed against yours to bring you back down to earth with her.

“That’s it baby…I know….did so good for me…” she sighs softly as she leaves gentle kisses against your cheeks and eyes, watching as the aftermath of your orgasm slowly pulls you to the depths of sleep, all of it too much on your body.

“My beautiful girl…my girl…my girl…” she hums out, almost like a song as she watches you cling to her in your sleep, soft hums and huffs leaving your lips, all of which makes Ellie smile adoringly at you as she holds you while you sleep.

And even while you’re settling into one of the deepest sleeps you’ve ever experienced, you don’t miss the soft kisses against your lips and cheeks, all paired with the constant, non stop praises from Ellie.

You especially don’t miss the way she leans in settles against the pillow next to you, mumbling the softest, sweetest words to you as her hands caressing your naked body.

“I love you, pretty girl..”

[abbysbug]

— Two Little Lovebirds

ellie being a cutie little loser

Pairing; Streamer!Ellie x Streamer!Reader

a/n: this is how i imagined my streamer!ellie to ask my streamer!reader out

@stegosauruswilly sooo are you and y/n dating or what?

@ladydcansteponme yeah come on ellie. we've seen what you've been posting

@minecraftergod LMAO they're definitely dating look how red her face is going

Ellie's eyes scanned over the chat, reading every message. She and you weren't dating, not yet, at least. She wanted to ask you out but couldn't find the courage.

"Uhm." She mumbled, trying to keep up with her energetic mood. She had been playing Roblox horror games for the past hour, and everything had been okay until people started to mention you.

Don't get her wrong, she adored talking about you. But having to talk about her relationship with you made her feel embarrassed. She had been talking to you for two weeks and she hadn't asked you out. That is so not lesbian of her.

@m0mmym11kers oh shit. maybe theyre not dating.

"Okay, guys. I think I'm gonna wrap it short today. Have fun at, Y/n's stream!" Ellie clicked on the button to raid your stream, sending all her viewers to your channel.

She slumped down in her chair and ran her hand on her face. God, she needed to ask you out.

A large grin spread across your face when you saw that Ellie raided you.

"Thanks for the raid, Els. Oh, wait. Is she not here?" You frowned, not seeing Ellie's familiar username pop up in chat.

@minecraftergod uh yeah ellie ended stream really randomly and i guess she didn't join

@rubberducksex she seemed kinda upset ngl maybe check on her

You opened your messages with Ellie.

You: hey, are you ok? people said you looked upset and ended stream randomly.

Ellie: when are you free?

You: like in an hour

Ellie: can i come over in an hour then?

You: yeah ofc. u ok tho?

Ellie didn't reply to you. You bit your lip in concern.

You ended the stream 30 minutes later. You were concerned about Ellie and couldn't keep your mind off of her. There was a knock on your door and you looked over to check the time. Shit, has it been an hour already?

You opened the door and smiled at the sight of Ellie. You threw your arms around her. You pulled Ellie inside, closing the door behind her.

"You okay, Ellie?" You asked, "You're quiet."

Ellie shrugged, playing with her fingers.

You frowned, taking her face in your hands. You ran your thumb over her cheek. "What's wrong?"

"I wanna be your girlfriend," Ellie blurted out, immediately regretting her words. That was not how she wanted to ask.

When you didn't reply immediately, you felt Ellie started to pull away from you. But you wrapped your arms around her neck and pressed your lips against hers. Your actions shocked Ellie, but she quickly reciprocated. Her arms wrapped around your waist.

The kiss was messy but full of love. You pulled away when you started to run out of breath, and rested your forehead against hers.

"So, is that a yes?" Ellie asked.

You giggled, nodding your head. "Of course it is."

Ellie gave you a shy smile.

"Wanna tell me why you were upset now?" You questioned, playing with the baby hairs at the nape of her neck.

Ellie sighed, attempting to look away from you, but you tilted her head to look at you. "I just- Everyone kept asking me if we were dating and I wanted to ask you out so bad so I just felt like a loser for not having the courage."

You frowned. "Ellie, you aren't a loser for not having the courage. I didn't have the courage either, does that make me a loser?"

"No, but-"

"Exactly. You aren't a loser."

Ellie sighed. She knew you were right. You kissed the tip of her nose and smiled.

"Feel better now?"

She nodded.

"Wait, I gotta flex to Twitter that I'm dating you." Ellie pulled her phone out and swiped to her camera app. Ellie wrapped her arm around your neck and pulled your faces together. At the last second, you turned your face, kissing Ellie on the lips.

A light blush spread across Ellie's face when you pulled away, grabbing her phone to look at the picture.

"Awe, this looks cute. Post it,"

Ellie smiled and typed out a post.

@carpetmuncherwilliams FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE AND ASKED :p WHO WANTS TO COME TO THE WEDDING!!! *1 image attached*

@buffjesse replied gay as hell DOWN WITH THE GAYS

@dinaisbetter replied jesse stfu they are literally so cute why dont u post photos of me huh??

@buffjesse replied *4 images attached*

@dinaisbetter replied r u serious THOSE ARE PICS OF ME SLEEPING WITH MY MOUTH OPEN DELETE THOSE RN

Ellie laughed at Jesse and Dina’s conversation, passing the phone to you.

“If you ever post photos of me like that, I will kick you so hard.”

Ellie held her hands up in defensive.

“I absolutely will not.”

She definitely will at some point.

[bunniehrtz]

omg can u do mama!abby hugging reader and then babygirl suddenly says “my mama” then pushes abbys arms that are wrapped around reader (similar to the mama!abby sick fic that u did ) and then Abby teases babygirl and says “no mine” then suddenly babygirl starts crying 😭💕

silliest mama award goes to abby. also babygirl name reveal !!!!!!!!!!!!!

the front door closes as you finish tidying the once messy living room. ivy has run into her room, to make a mess in there now, probably. you sigh, sitting down on the sofa for what feels like the first time this week. a messy blonde walks into the room, leaning on the doorframe. “long day?” she asks, earning a groan in response. “you have no idea,” you laugh, watching abby walk over to you. she sits next to you on the sofa, her arms out. you immediately fall into them, embracing you in a hug you didn’t know you needed.

the house was quiet. too quiet.

you hear little taps get louder as ivy enters the room, gasping dramatically. she clambers onto the sofa, pushing you and abby apart. ivy makes herself at home on your lap, her arms crossed at her chest as she pouts up at abby. “my mama,” you widen your eyes, looking up and nodding at abby. “uh huh. your mama,” you giggle, leaning down to press kisses and blow raspberries on ivy’s cheek.

“uh, actually, baby. she’s mine,” abby pulls on your arm lightly, pulling you back into a hug. ivy now squished in between you both. “no! no, mama! off!” ivy squeals, pushing and hitting abby’s chest. “oh, so mean. just because she’s my mama too doesn’t mean you can steal her from me,” abby teases, ignoring the warning look in your eyes, now focused on ivy’s eyes welling up, her bottom lip jutting out. “oh- baby, no i’m-” “NO! MY MAMA!” ivy shouts, turning around to you to hide in your neck, sniffling softly. abby’s dumbfounded, her mouth open but nothing is coming out. you do your best to bite back a laugh. “it’s okay, baby. mama’s just joking. aren’t you?” you gesture over to abby, needing her to say something.

abby nods, slowly reaching over to rub ivy’s back. “i’m only joking, baby. promise. didn’t mean to make you upset,” she says softly, easing ivy out of your arms into her own, sitting her on her lap. “okay, mama,” ivy smiles up at her, poking her head up to place a kiss on abby’s cheek. she quickly pecks ivy’s lips, pulling her into a bear hug. you follow suit, squishing ivy between you both. “love you, mama.”

taglist @queenofmistresses @bambishaven @abigails-gf @drunkelliewilliams @abbysprettygiiirl @toasthatervee @lesbian-useless

[coeurify]

actually on my knees begging for a girl next door blurb with Ellie

like imagine moving into the house next to her’s and her being all grumbly and closed off because she cannot physically face the reader because she’s just a loser lesbian and OMG THE UNKNOWN PINING SUJDJSNSNDB

I NEED HER I CANT-

WHERE IS THE LOVE FOR LOSER GND!ELLIE ⁉️

giggles.. cause like.. yea.

if we r talking modern!ellie, oh god would it be the most cliche shit ever (plz tell me if u want jackson!ellie version cause i’d be happy to do that too. or jus more of this concept) [not edited]

⋆˚✿˖° im talking, ellie looking out from her window in her old house, eyes narrowing as a moving truck pulled into the pretty blue house next door. the neighborhood had been recently taken over by young families, which ellie hated— cause why was she being interrupted in her ‘laying in her bed while blasting music and complaining to herself’ alone time by a bunch of kids screaming outside? either way. she expected another one of these cases.

⋆˚✿˖° but then you popped out, trying to handle three boxes all on your own, cheek pressed against the cardboard as you yelled something ellie couldn’t hear to whoever else was in moving truck. you had glanced over at ellie’s house, maybe even up at her window. and maybe ellie was just dramatic, but she flipped away from that window and face down onto her bed so quickly she was pretty sure it was a new record. because fuck you were pretty.

⋆˚✿˖° and it only got worse later, when el was pulling her hair down from its bun, glancing the sun pressing below the clouds. her fingers moved to close the curtains of her window, and there you were, standing at the window directly across from hers. like— shit straight from a taylor swift music video or something.

⋆˚✿˖° and you, almost as awkward as her, let your hands fall down from their place above your head. you had been putting up shades, but once you caught the gaze of your messy haired neighbor, you smiled at her. fuck, you smiled and waved and ellie just turned away and shut her curtains. you know, like the master at social interactions she was.

⋆˚✿˖° a twin frown painted both your lips at the interaction that night, and at the same time you both huffed out, “god, why’d i do that?”

⋆˚✿˖° nothing really got better from there. not when your family forced you over to ellie’s house with a plate of cookies, your sweet smile the first sight ellie had seen that day as she turned the doorknob to shoo away some girl scout selling something. “we don’t need— oh— oh hi.”

⋆˚✿˖° you looked so fucking pretty. ellie was sure it was fake. maybe she was still in bed dreaming. maybe this was about to turn into one of those really weird s- never mind. you were talking now, and not asking to borrow sugar, so definitely real. “hi! uh— I just, we— i mean, my family, we just wanted to introduce ourselves. and give a gift i guess,” you glance to the plate of wrapped up treats and chuckle lightly. because really, cookies?

⋆˚✿˖° ellie was about red as the shirt she was wearing, stammering a thank you as joel creeped behind her at the door. “you the new neighbors kid?” joel had asked, making ellie clam right up. she backed away from the door, like— just side shuffled out of your view with an awkward wave.

⋆˚✿˖° your eyes followed her, fighting back the odd sense of disappointment that you were no longer staring at the freckled and flushed face of your new neighbor. “uh, yea—yes sir.” you eventually spoke again, offering your grin to joel instead.

⋆˚✿˖° one time joel was doing yard work the same time your family was outside working on the garden. you were fanning your sweating cheek with your hand, the warmth from the sun along with carrying in and out heavy tools was not exactly ideal, and you only felt more heated when ellie came outside the door at the exact moment joel ended up making conversation with your mother.

⋆˚✿˖° “your girl in college?” you could hear him ask, but it was lightly muffled, your attention instead on watching as ellie struggled to bend over and tie her converse against the wall. what an odd way to do it. she was balancing some sort of notebook between arm.. maybe pencils too? did she draw? or maybe write? why couldn’t you stop wondering about it?

⋆˚✿˖° your mom answered joel’s question with some version of the story she always does, gushing about how you were doing so well in school, how she was so proud of you. you didn’t tune back in until joel was speaking again, “ah yea, my — well, ellie, she’s in school too. physics major. but she’s got this thing for astronomy too. kid’s always talking about double majoring.”

⋆˚✿˖° god, she was cute and smart? and her name was ellie? you swore the sun got even hotter at the thought of her talking to you about quantum something-or-other, just nodding along. god you could see it now. a hand in that pretty auburn hair.. mumbling ‘mhm.. whatever you say ellie.’

⋆˚✿˖° then you saw her trip down the stairs on her porch as she looked over. full on hand on the side of the stairs to keep her from eating shit on the rocks there. you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth, stifling a giggle as you wave her way. only to be given a tight lipped smile as she quickly moved away to her car. god. what an odd girl.

⋆˚✿˖° ellie simply lost it the moment she sat in her car, groaning loudly as she slammed her sketch book on her face. “stupid fucking shoes!” she muttered, as if it was the shoes fault for tripping, and not the way she had been intently staring at your face from across the yard. definitely not.

⋆˚✿˖° but really she couldn’t help it, you looked so good, you were wearing shorts, and ellie was happily taking in the sight of skin before that evil fucking creaky porch board got her tumbling down. fuck. she couldn’t ever talk to you again. not ever. she let her head fall to the steering wheel as she went through a million and one ways to simply become invisible and escape any way of running into you. maybe she should become nocturnal.

⋆˚✿˖° but when she let her head fall to the steering wheel, it honked. like a loud, drawn out honk that had you, joel, and your mother’s head turning to the direction of the sound.

⋆˚✿˖° ellie screeched, and you pressed fingers to your lips to contain another smile. you were pretty sure living here was going to be kind of great.

[totheblood]

new romantics.

pairing: modern!ellie x best friend's sister!reader

summary: ellie is your brother's best friend, and also a loser lesbian. oh, and you are "off-limits."

warnings: drinking, ellie being a loser maybe?? suggestive themes

a/n: this is purely self indulgent tbh... just needed some ellie pining and soft fluff... idk this trope makes me dizzy even though i am brotherless... pls enjoy.. AUDIOS AT THE END HEHE! also reblogs, asks, and replies are so appreciated and encouraged! thank u kisses

wc: 2.4k

"every night with us is like a dream."

ellie was excruciatingly uncomfortable.

okay, that was a little dramatic, but she still felt the sweat pooling at the back of her neck when you opened the door for her. this happened too often for her liking, you letting her into your house as she had to wait for her best friend to be ready to go. she’d curse him out for it later, but now she was stuck making small talk with you.

you, who was showing way too much skin today, the fleshy skin below your neck peeking through the loose tank top you wore. your skin looked soft and moist, almost as if you were glowing and ellie could smell the sunscreen coming off of you. you, who her best friend, and your brother, told her was off-limits. she often questioned why he said that, but as you flashed a toothy grin at her it became apparent. you were a dream.

if ellie was being honest with herself it pissed her off that he banned her from trying anything with you seeing as she had no game and you were just so easy to talk to. it’s not every day that you run into a pretty girl who also likes girls, and it’s not every day that you have an in with her brother. fuck you, sean ellie thought.

“hey, ellie. come on in,” you held the door open for her, closing in when she stepped through, “sean will be down soon.”

involuntarily, a blush spread across her face, pink picking at the freckles on her skin. her hand nervously scratched the back of her neck, a nervous tick she had picked up. 

“hey,” she was looking anywhere but your eyes, sitting at the marble island in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and reeling in the comfort of the cool material on her skin, “what’re you up to today?”

“some friends and i are going down to the lake to go swimming,” you followed behind her, leaning on the counter opposite of her, “maybe drink a bit. what are you and sean up to?”

“we had nothing planned,” she chuckles, fingers fiddling with the rings on her fingers, “sounds fun, though.” 

she watched as you turned towards the fridge, pulling two water bottles from it and stuffing one in your tote bag that hung off your shoulder. you handed the second one to her, your hands briefly touching. a shiver ran across her skin. you were being kind at most, but her cheeks still glowed red as she thanked you.

“you should come with,” you leaned back on the counter a small smirk on your lips, “didn’t really think that was your scene though. but i’d love for you to come — both you and sean should come.”

“uh — um, yeah,” she chuckled again, nervously opening the water bottle and taking a sip, “i’d come, i mean, yeah. that sounds cool.” she’d forever curse herself for how awkward she sounded. “thanks.” 

sean came down the stairs, his hair messy and phone in hand. he wiped the sleep from his eyes as he stepped into the kitchen, nudging your shoulder as he opened the fridge to find something to eat. 

“did you just wake up?” ellie asked from her place at the counter, a teasing and knowing tone to her words. 

“yes, i did,” he rolled his eyes, settling on a water and pulling it out of the fridge before turning to the two of you, “it’s saturday. let me live, el.” 

“uh, i think ellie’s gonna join us down by the lake.” you told him, causing him to shoot an odd look to ellie, raising his eyebrows as he took a sip of his water. “you should come too.”

“uh,” his eyes darted in between you and ellie, “um sure, that sounds… cool.” 

ellie didn’t even realize she was holding her breath till he agreed and she let out a deep sigh. she was just happy he didn’t ask any questions or wonder why she agreed. she knew she’d get the worst of it later, but now she just wanted to be uncomfortable in your presence. she didn’t realize how much of a loser she was until now. 

“well, dina’s coming for me now,” you smiled brightly at both of them, gripping the straps of your tote harder, “she should be here any minute, you guys can come with us.” 

sean looked at ellie, waiting for her response. 

“yeah, yeah,” ellie stood from her seat, scratching the back of her neck again, “that sounds good.”

-

when the car pulled up to the lake and you all piled out, ellie found herself sticking close to you and sean, obviously uncomfortable. she didn’t know why she was even here, was she that desperate? 

almost as if you could sense her discomfort you turned towards her, “you okay, ellie?” when she didn’t respond immediately you spoke again, “i know this isn’t your usual scene but we’re pretty chill.” you led her down to the table you and your friends had set the stuff up on and pulled a beer out of the cooler, “here, have a beer. loosen up.”

ellie reached for the beer hesitantly, but opened the lid and took a small swig, face setting up at the taste, “yeah, i’m fine, i just — i don’t party much.”

“it’s not really a party,” you giggled, taking your own beer out of the cooler and cracking it open. you took a long sip before speaking again, “it’s so funny, you’ve been friends with sean for so long and i feel like i know nothing about you.”

a small laugh left ellie’s lips as she looked up at you with a shrug. she hated nothing more than talking about herself, but she wanted nothing more than to talk to you. “well, ask away.”

you took another swig of your beer, squinting slightly at her as you watched her take another sip. “hm,” you pretended to be deep in thought, “what about how you and sean became best friends?”

ellie felt small under your gaze, shifting her weight onto one foot as she fiddled with the hem of her shorts that were now fraying. 

“well, we just used to hang out at lunch and one day i found out he liked savage starlight…” she chuckled, shaking her head, “nerdy, i know. but we just… clicked, y’know? then we just sat together every day, and — i guess the rest is history.” she shrugged again, taking another sip of her beer. “nothing too special, i don’t think.”

“well, i think it’s special.” you smiled at her, taking another long sip of your beer and holding it firmly in one hand, “if you could put up with my brother for that long then you are a saint.”

she chuckled again, shaking her head. “fair enough, fair enough. i dunno how he puts up with me either, to be honest.” another sip of her beer. “i’m sure he’d say the same about you.” 

you faked a gasp and scoffed, playfully pushing ellie’s shoulder with your free hand. “well, he shouldn’t, i’m an angel.” you giggled and took a long sip of your beer, finishing it and resting it on the table. 

when you pushed ellie’s shoulder she couldn’t hide the blush that was now seeming permanent around you, the eye contact between the two of you lingering for almost too long. ellie looked away, hand at her neck again. “if you say so,” she said in a half-whisper. 

“i do say so,” you whispered back. you took a step back and pulled your tank top off, revealing a blue bikini top covering your chest, leaving your shorts on. “you swim, williams?”

ellie’s eyes widened at the sudden flash of skin, all the previous color draining from her cheeks. her mouth fell open, only for a moment, before she cleared her throat to distract herself. taking another sip of her beer, she leaned against the table. 

“uh… yea, i’m… i’m alright.”

“alright?” you questioned, now removing your pants to reveal your bikini bottoms, the bottoms not leaving much up to imagination, “can’t have you drowning.”

ellie had to look away, she didn’t want to be a creep. she was staring at the water, the people floating and talking by the shore, sean who was talking to dina and jesse and somehow laughing and then back at you, mesmerized. “i’ll be fine, i promise. i just don’t have a swimsuit.” 

you looked her up and down. she had a loose t-shirt on and shorts, nothing special. “you got a bra on?” 

“yea.”

“then take the t-shirt off,” you said matter-of-factly, “and the pants too.” you smiled at her before turning on your heel and heading towards the water, “then come and swim.”

ellie’s eyes stayed trained on your ass you as you headed into the water. she almost didn’t notice when sean appeared next to her, almost as if he had been waiting. 

“what are you doing with my sister?”

“talking-“

“ellie-“

“what? i can’t talk to your sister?” she rolled her eyes as she pulled her shirt over her head to reveal her sports bra. “would the world implode on itself if i did?”

sean gave her a pointed look. “you’re not going to try anything funny, right?” he watched as ellie’s eyes drifted back to you again as she pulled her shorts off and put them on the table. “i told you she’s off limits, el.” 

“can i swim with her, sean?” ellie said, her voice dripping with annoyance, "is that okay with you? or is that off limits too?”

“c’mon, el,” he sighed, leaning on the table, “i’m serious.” ellie couldn’t help but roll her eyes again. 

“fine,” she sighed, looking up at him, face still set up from before, “i’m just swimming with her. nothing funny is happening. scouts hono-“

“ellie! you coming?!” you called from the water.

“nothing funny,” he repeated.

“nothing funny,” she echoed back. 

ellie stepped down into the water with you, ignoring how awkward it all felt. she was in her underwear trailing after her best friend’s sister. the beer had left a light fuzz behind her eyes, making the water bearable as her calves got soaked in water. she was grinning from ear to ear as she approached you, the sun now setting behind you, casting a yellow glow on your skin. you shook her from her thoughts, splashing cold water in her causing her brow to wrinkle. 

“took you long enough,” you stood in the water in front of her, the water where you were appearing to be deeper as in came up to your thighs, “what were you guys talking about? sean seemed serious.” 

ellie wiped the water off her face, glancing back to sean at the shore and then back to you, “uh— he just wanted to remind me that you were — that you… are,” she cleared her throat, unsure of what to say. this was the longest amount of time she had spent in your presence and she was already drowning. she didn’t want to lie to you. “off-limits.”

this smile on your face fell as you adjusted your posture, “wait what?”

ellie’s breath caught in her throat, “uh… y’know. like he didn’t want me… well,” her hands came up in a weird gesture between the two of you. “you know.”

no, i don’t know,” you shook your head in disbelief, looking back at him and then back at ellie, taking a step closer to you, “did he tell you not to — to, flirt with me?”

ellie felt the air around her tighten as you stepped into her space, you were dangerously close, “well— uh— sorta. yeah, he did.”

“what the fuck,” you whispered under your breath.

“well, would you—“ where the fuck was this confidence coming from, “would you mind if i did?” she watched as your eyes widened and brows furrowed in confusion before your lips curved into a smile. 

“oh — uh, no. i don’t mind.”

“cool.” ellie smiled. 

as the sun began to set you and ellie talked, floating together in the deep end, occasionally laughing nervously when your feet touched. at some point you began a game of tag, running across the shoreline and splashing water in each other’s faces. it was all innocent and gummy, all of the panic that was usually stuck in ellie’s head dissipating for a brief moment in time as your bodies became silhouettes to those on shore. 

your body had grown tired and asked ellie to come get another beer with you, she smiled and agreed, wiping her wet hair from her face. 

“do you think sean will be mad?” she questioned as she watched you open the cooler again, pull out two bears, hand one to her, and sit on the picnic table. you pulled your towel out of your tote bag and wrapped it around you, tapping the place beside you for ellie to sit. 

“i don’t care if sean gets mad,” you opened your beer, clinking your glass with hers as you wrapped your towel around her back, both of you now sharing the terrycloth, “it’s so fucking stupid.” 

ellie’s face was warm again as the wet skin of her shoulder burned against yours, “it is stupid.”

“it is,” you reiterated, taking a swig, “he probably thinks i’ll corrupt you or something.”

“he might,” ellie chuckled, “i can be corrupted, i’ll be honest,” she shrugged, taking her own swig of her beer, “maybe you will corrupt me.”

you looked over to her, smirking slightly as your voice went low, “you flirting with me, williams?” 

her throat felt tight.

“maybe i am,” she leaned closer, “is that a bad thing?” 

you pursed your lips, looking back out at the water and taking another sip of your beer. ellie’s eyes flicked down to your lips briefly. what was happening to her? 

“not a bad thing no,” you giggled, “thought i was…off-limits.”

“you are… but i feel like you don’t exactly mind.” her voice was low, an innocent smile plastered on her face, “do you mind?”

you leaned in a little too close for her liking, breath blowing puffs of air over her lips as you spoke. behind the two of you fireworks went off in the distance, scattering hues of blue, silver, and red across the sky, “i don’t mind.”

ellie was fucked. 

ai audios:

[lunicho]

what kind of porn do you think bonedo guys like to watch? 🥸🎤

(new bnd blog @angeltsan )

sungho:

public - i feel like he watches a lot of those japanese vids of ppl on the train/bus or like under the dinner table and stuff like that. also likes vids of girls masturbating in their cars and in drive thrus and stuff.

masseuse - the ones where it starts out as a massage where the recieving person gets all oiled up and slowly the masseuse starts touching the girls tits and then eventually they fuck.

riwoo:

solo female - just loves seeing girls making themselves feel good. i feel like he'd really love the ones that are real close up to the pussy.

food play - probably started out as just him being curious but he lowkey loves the vids of ppl licking whipped cream off of each other

jaehyun:

hentai - boobs. i feel like he'd also just find them so entertaining. i think he'd just like breast play videos in general too tbh.

femdom - this is a spectrum and he's been through every part of the spectrum. i feel like he mostly watches those vids of girls talking teasingly while milking their bfs &lt;3

roleplay - the real corny cringy ones too, he just loves a roleplay idk. like oh ur the doctor and im the patient?? perfect for him.

taesan:

amateur - idk i just feel like he loves the realness of it, he's definitely not into anything that looks too high quality. loves the ones where u can tell it's filmed on someone's phone.

lesbian - i just feel like he'd love seeing two girls play with each other idk.

leehan:

hentai - i doubt this is surprising, he loves the big tits and the wild situations 😭

pov - loves the ones of girls sucking dick or the ones of girls riding guys

creampie - just loves it messy 🤷🏾‍♀️

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Taiwan has one show, but that's all they need

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I don’t say this often but I LOVE this love triangle. The longing gazes = chef's kiss. I like that we are finally getting flashbacks to Tai’s side of the love affaire. This show remains highly engaging. So pleased for MaxNat.  

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 5 of 8 - More lesbians! Yay! Meanwhile, when our leads make up they make out! (Yes I’m proud of myself.) I think this might be BLs first rooftop sex scene. We’ve reached new heights, BLabies. (Yes I’m proud of that too.) Anygay, basically a soap opera at this point, I'm not thrilled but I don’t mind.

"Do you apologize for being straight?"

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - It was lovely. Very well done celebrity leaving the closet ep. Nice ensemble work too. Next week is doom! As expected. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. It’s fine but overly very pulp feeling for something from GMMTV. I'm a little concerned.

1000 Years Old (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - meh.

To Be Continued (Sat C3 Thailand grey) ep 7 of 8 - Never turned up on my usual sites. So will have to wait until next week. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 7 of 11 - Qian was, indeed, the one who couldn’t let go. This show is fucking fantastic. It's the best thing I'm watching right now by a mile.

Jazz for Two (Korea Gaga/grey) eps 3-8fin - The bully and the blue-haired drummer side pairing were great. I hated the father. Hated him so much. Our main tsundere seme was a bit too tsundere for me. I was v annoyed by the time he finally softened. I'm amused by all the ways they finagled boys kissin-but-not-kissing in the first half of this show. 2024's "pan around the back of the head" has now become a "dipping of the brolly." We did, however, eventually get an okay kiss.

Honestly?

This was basically what I wanted from Given and didn’t get. So I’m pleased. The music still wasn't great, but you can skip those bits. A solid enemies to lovers BL, where the sins of brothers' past haunts the present. Great optics, decent chemistry, and a tidy script even if tsundere characterization went a bit extreme in some cases. 8/10 RECOMMENDED trigger for suicide

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - We got the past betrayal in detail and it was decently bad. Bitterness understood. Too soon to live together! The BL U-Haul strikes again. I do like their weird curry passive aggressive argument. This is an interesting show. Do I LOVE it? No. But I think I like it.

On a not-really-related note: adoption, including adult adoption, is actually pretty common in Japan (comparatively). It's often tied to business scionism.

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8fin - It all turned out to be a tragic GL in the end. Not BL = not my problem. No rating. I will forget its existence right about… now. 

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 1-2 of 12 - Okay, weirdly kinky with the head scratching. Not much has happened and I’m not wild about what has. 

It's done, ready to binge, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

It's airing but...

We Are (Weds GMMTV iQIYI) ep 1 of 16 - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN but I need my other computer and I'm traveling as usual. So I'll get caught up next week and probably won't regularly be able to watch this one.

Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) - It's too much for me to keep up with 2 minute verticals, I don't have that kind of TikTok endurance training.

A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - Completed. Worth watching?

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) 6 eps - It’s so boring DNFed at 2.

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) 6 - The problem with situational comedy BL is it must be situational, comedic and a BL. This show gets 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. Dropped at 3.

In the news

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari is getting the undeserved honor of Furritsubs. Follow them for details. Tip 'em if you like 'em. (Will I watch it? Oh, probably. Damn it.)

Then Next Prince turned out to be a trailer only. Word on the webs is we will be lucky if we get it this year. It’s BL Princess Diaries. Jimmy has a new pairing (that boy from Night Dream) which is... interesting. All in all, this show does not look good. Pretty but not good.

Next Week Looks Like This:

4/11 Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea ????) 4 eps - SooHyuk is only just surviving and reunites with YoonDae, an old friend. They end up living together. One of the leads is played by Choco of Choco Milk Shake.

4/12 Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why, they fall in love along the way. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake.

Still to Come in April

4/18 At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn. I think I've seen this before (joke) and also the trailer doesn't inspire confidence.

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks well complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner) and Best, news here.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

See City of Stars & Unknown.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.