#they’ve been around for so long and I think it was 6 years ago they disbanded

[emeraldbabygirl]

The lyrics to c-ute’s ‘the final squal’ is so sad but at the same time kinda uplifting and the song is very upbeat in contrast and the mv the way the rain falls at the end and like idk how to explain it but the timing for watching the mv was interesting to say the least

[traveler-at-heart]

Come running back to me

Request by @esposadejoyhuerta - babe, I tried, but angst evades me.

Summary: Wanda cheats on you and Natasha is there to help you heal.

Wanda Maximoff x F!R, Natasha Romanoff x F!R

A/N: Reader has Magneto like powers.

There’s something in the air that makes you restless as you walk down the streets. It’s too calm for an autumn afternoon in London.

“Blonde suits you” you say as you stop at a corner. There’s a chuckle behind you.

“Though I’d fool you” Natasha says, coming out of the shadows and standing next to you.

“I’m not easily fooled. It’s nice to see you”

“Likewise” the woman nods.

It’s been almost two years since part of the Avengers have been on the run. Your abilities have made you an especially important target, so you spend most of the time hiding on your own. Divide and conquer.

“And how are things?” you say. It’s been a month since you spoke with Wanda, and you don’t know if Natasha knows.

“Great. They’re about to get even better” she sighs. “If you don’t mind, we need to borrow Wanda. Could use your help as well”

“Wait, what? Wanda is not with me” you look at Natasha, alarmed.

“She left two days ago… the same she always does when she meets you”

“Did she say where…?” Natasha shakes her head no and you feel like throwing up. You can’t lose her, not now.

“Steve” the woman calls through her burner, but is interrupted. “Understood, we’re on our way” Natasha turns to you. “Come on, we have a lead”

—

The joy of reuniting with Steve is short lived, because your mind is reeling with the possibilities of what could have happened to Wanda.

Was she captured by the US? Did HYDRA find her? You’re not sure which one of those is worse.

You also think back to your last conversation. How you offered her to stay together, have your own place away from everything… a future in the middle of uncertainty.

Guilt invaded your mind. What if she was overwhelmed by your proposal and left to think things through?

“We have an alien aircraft and four subjects” Sam informs. The four of you descend from the Quinjet, Natasha holding on to you. You set her down gently, and you both jump right in to fight the aliens.

Wanda looks at you with relief, and then a flash of panic crosses her features.

As you spot a cut in her forehead, your patience runs out, and you use the alien’s own blade to cut its head off. The weapon floats in the air as you manipulate it with your powers, sending it across the train station to knock down another alien that Natasha was fighting.

There’s an exchange between your friends and the creatures, but you’re too busy walking to Wanda.

She’s not alone. Vision is holding on to her hand, looking up at her as if…

No, that can’t be.

“Y/N” Wanda pleads when everything clicks for you.

Wanda and Vision, together. For how long, who knows, but long enough for her to leave you behind without a word. She risked getting caught just to see him, all the while you were the one putting your neck on the line to make sure she was safe.

“Please” she sighs when you step back.

“Don’t” you shake your head, going around the corner to hide yourself from the team. Leaning against a wall, you pinch the bridge of your nose, holding back tears. The feeling of betrayal burns your throat as a sob escapes from your mouth. You try to stiffle it, breathing to calm yourself down.

A hand rests on your shoulder, and you don’t need to open your eyes to know who it is.

“I’m sorry” Natasha says, wiping away another tear that rolls down your face. “I’m really sorry, Y/N”

“I can find my way back from here” you say after a beat of silence. You won’t spend another moment with Wanda.

“Well, that’s not gonna work” Steve says, joining you. There’s compassion in his eyes, but also a sense of urgency. “New York has been targeted as well. Time to assemble”

—

The trip to Wakanda will take at least 6 hours. This aircraft is smaller and slower than the Avengers’ Quinjet. You understand they’ve had to lay low and make the best of the resources they can find.

This also means you’re left with fewer places to hide from Wanda.

You go to the back of the jet, sitting on the floor. It’s cold and uncomfortable, but you don’t care. The silence is defeaning, Steve coordinating with Natasha in a low voice, Wanda reassuring Vision while you refuse to look her way.

“We’re almost there” Natasha says after a few hours.

“I can tell” you nod, stretching.

“How?”

“The vibranium. I feel it. It’s a little overwhelming”

“How so?”

“I’m used to sensing different materials that can be manipulated by my powers. They’re everywhere. But vibranium is so rare so it’s not part of my… filter. I’m just not used to its presence”

“Is it uncomfortable?” Natasha says with a frown and you shake your head. She nods, placing her hand on your shoulder.

As you watch her walk back to the copilot seat, your eyes meet Wanda’s. You look away, swallowing to keep the tears at bay.

Once you arrive, the team meets, reaching out to everyone that can join the impending battle. You barely register the conversation, looking out the window. It’s a nice view.

There’s talk about how to destroy the Mind Stone while keeping Vision alive.

“You should destroy it while we still can” he asks Wanda.

“But you’ll die”

Good.

There’s a gasp and you turn around, looking at Wanda. Natasha stares too, confused, which confirms that You didn’t say it out loud, only thought about it.

“That’s too much, even for you” Wanda says.

“Get the fuck out of my head, then. If you want warm and fuzzy thoughts, maybe don’t cheat on me, Wanda”

The silence hangs in the room, and you leave, knowing your presence is only making it worse for everyone. Steve asked you to come and fight, not put on a show.

You stand at the first line of defense, next to Natasha, Steve and Bucky. As soon as the alien aircrafts show up, you bring them down, or make them crash against each other.

Once Thor joins the fight and takes over, you direct your attention to hand to hand combat. Using their own weapons against them, you keep the aliens at bay, clearing the path for Natasha and Steve.

“I’ve had enough of you” one of the aliens you saw in Edinburgh jumps, and they’re too quick, punching you and throwing you across the field, leaving you out of breath. That and the exhaustion from using your powers for such an intense fight make you dizzy, and you’re not sure you’ll be able to stand up in time.

Red wisps of magic throw the alien against a machine, killing them instantly.

“Are you ok?” Wanda runs to your side. Up until now, she had stayed next to Vision.

“I’m fine” you lie. She’s about to argue with you when everything goes quiet.

Thanos, you hear someone whisper, and you immediately turn around. A chill runs down your spine as a gigantic figure shows up in the middle of the battlefield.

“I’m too tired to fly all the way there. Throw me and then get back to the stone”

“You’re too weak” she protests.

“Just do it”

Wanda listens and you join Thor, Steve close behind. You close your hands in fists, so Thano’s armour closes around his own body, crushing him. As Thor wields his axe, you pull away the gauntlet, throwing it to T’Challa. He carries it, putting distance between it and Thanos.

The creature let’s out a groan, throwing you against a tree while Thor pushes the axe against his neck. His arms shake with the force he is exerting, but it’s not enough.

Reaching forward, you use your powers to push down, moving the weapon further down his neck. You begin to see black spots, exhausted from the physical exhertion.

Thankfully, Steve shows up, delivering a final blow that separates Thanos’ head from his body.

You’re too tense to let go, fearing he’ll be able to grow a second head. It’s only until Natasha runs to your side that you drop the headless body.

Out of breath, you fall to your knees, trying to stop shaking.

“Are you ok?” Natasha asks, inspecting every inch of your body.

“Fine” you mutter. Then, you bend over and throw up blood. “Ok, maybe not”

—

Shuri is next to your bed, checking your vitals. She’s been making her rounds between Vision and you. It seems like she’ll be able to separate the stone from the droid.

“How is she?” Natasha asks, looking at you. It’s been 12 hours since you passed out.

“She’s stable. Her body needs to recover. It was overexhertion from exceptional use of her power, there are no other injuries. But I am told she can heal faster than a regular person, so…”

“Yeah” Natasha nods, sighing. “She’s strong. I’m just worried”

“It will be fine, agent. The price of saving the universe”

You wake up the next night, in a dark room lit only by the monitor that keeps your vitals visible. You feel weak and thirsty, but you also know you have the get out of here.

Leaving the room behind, you walk out of the building when a voice stops you.

“You’re up” Wanda says and goes after you when you keep walking. “Wait, what are you doing? You can’t leave”

“I can’t stay here. I’m an outlaw”

“I’m sure that will change now that you’ve saved the universe. Come on. You need your rest” Wanda takes your arm and you yank it away, as if her touch burns.

“Don’t act like you’re concerned for me. You don’t care about me at all, Wanda”

“That’s not true…”

“How long?” you finally turn to her, and hold her stare as a tear rolls down her cheek.

“Six months”

You nod, feeling like you might throw up again for a very different reason.

“Hope you’re very happy with him. Goodbye”

“No, wait! I didn’t mean for it to happen… I didn’t want to hurt you”

“And yet here we are” you mumble, wiping away the tears that run down your face. “Go be with him. We’re done here”

You use the little strenght you have to turn invisible, hoping that will be enough to stop her from following you.

Still, Wanda stays glued to her spot, sobbing quietly.

“Is Y/N ok?” Natasha rushes to your room. “Where is she?”

“She’s gone”

“Why did you let her leave? She’s too weak to do anything”

“I couldn’t stop her”

“I wonder why that is” Natasha bites back and Wanda glares at her.

“Don’t talk to me like that, Natasha, you have no idea…”

“I do, actually. She risked her life to keep the government away from us. She was alone for two years while we protected you, Wanda. You’re the one that screwed up here and it’s on you if something happens to her” Natasha says in an even tone, as if she’s bored with Wanda’s childish complaints. “Your precious robot is ready. Go be with him. The rest of us will clean after your mess”

It’s been a month.

You’re in Norway, in the middle of nowhere. No internet, radio or phone. You’re clueless about what happened after the Battle of Wakanda and honestly, couldn’t care less. 

All you do is go around the forest, think about Wanda and hate her.

You miss her terribly, but it’s not like the other times, when you were apart, knowing you’d see her again. There’s no reunion or anticipation to hold her in your arms again. To hear her laugh and feel her lips on yours.

That part of your life is done for good. There’s nothing left.

The rain starts in the middle of your run, so you create a force field to shield you from the drops. As you approach the trailer, you notice the door is ajar.

Alerted, you go inside, ready to attack.

Natasha is fast asleep in your bed.

“Hey” you nudge her with your foot and she grumbles.

“You took forever” 

“Well, there’s nothing else to do around here so I’m usually gone for hours” you explain. “Wanna go for a swim?”

“The water is freezing, are you insane? Oh, never mind, you are!” she punches your arm and you laugh.

“What are you on about, Romanoff?”

“You left Wakanda half dead. And for a moment I thought you were, it took me forever to find you” 

“How did you find me?” you wonder, taking off your wet sneakers, leaning against the wall while Natasha sits up, crossing her legs. 

“McDonald’s security camera”

“I do love me some fries” you sigh. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Just checking to see if you’re ok”

“I’m alive” you shrug your shoulders. “That’s about it”

Natasha stares for a little too long, and you fidget under the intensity of her green eyes. You know what she means, but you refuse to mention Wanda or your break up.

“Come home with me” she pleads, her voice soft. You’re surprised at her vulnerability. 

“I can’t stand to watch her with that toaster every single day”

“They’re not in New York” 

“Where are they, then?”

“Does it matter?” she challenges you. Of course, it doesn’t. It’s not your business. Not anymore. You sit next to her, bringing your knees to your chest.

“I was barely an Avenger, and the Compound… I don’t know, Nat. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore. Especially in places where we were together”

“Who said anything about the Compound? I’m in my thirties, I figured having a bunch of roommates was too much. I’m living in my own place now. And looking for someone to split the rent with, since I have very good taste and it’s in an expensive area” 

“I thought roommates were too much for you” you say with a smile.

“Multiple, yes. One, I can handle” 

You sigh, looking around you. You’ve been miserable and bored out of your mind. At some point, you’ll have to live again. And if you’re gonna hate life, might as well do it in a city where you can get decent food.

“Ok” you nod, smiling when she extends her hand to seal the deal.

“You better not leave wet towels in the bathroom floor” she warns you.

—

“You lied to me” you grumble, giving the wall a second coat of paint. Natasha ignores you and you glare. “You just wanted someone who’d help you paint the place for free”

“Absolutely not!” Natasha shakes her head no. 

Except, maybe she left out how the apartment needed some work and there was nothing on it except the walls. You’re being annoying, but you actually don’t mind. This is the first time in your life where you get to decide how to live. It also helps to get your mind of everything that happened in the last month. When you’re assembling furniture and arguing over color palettes, heartbreak is not at the forefront of your mind.

You have not settled on a couch, so you’re still using the one you got from the Compound. Natasha insists that it doesn’t have to be anything too expensive, but you keep saying a good living room is the soul of any great apartment.

“It’s not like we’re having a lot of people coming over, we’re both loners”

“All the more reason to get a nice couch. We watch movies every night in the living room” 

“I’m picking the movie tonight, by the way”

“You already had your chance” you mumble. “Those privileges have been revoked for the rest of the week”

You had to sleep with the lights on after a marathon of all those Insidious movies she likes so much.

But still, you let her choose the movie because it’s nice and there’s no point in fighting with the one person who’s going out of her way to keep you company in your misery. After the movie’s done, she stands up, stretching her arms. 

“I’m calling it a night”

“Ok” you smile, taking over the entire couch and covering yourself with the blanket. Natasha stares. “What?”

“You’ve been sleeping in the living room. Don’t say it’s because of the movie, it’s been happening since you got here, Y/N”

“I… uh” you scratch the back of your neck nervously. “My room feels… lonely. Here I can listen to the sounds of the street. And sometimes when you go to the kitchen I hear your footsteps and feel less… horrible. It’s stupid”

“It’s not” she shakes her head. “We’ll get a new couch tomorrow” 

“Alright”

“Good night, Y/N”

“Night, Nat”

—

People walk past you and you ignore them as you sit, Natasha to your right. 

“Pass the popcorn” you say and she pretends to grab something from the air, handing it over to you. “I’m not feeling it” 

“It’s a nice couch” Natasha protests, trying to be patient. She has a feeling the couch is a metaphor for your love life, but you’re being impossible in your shopping trip.

“It’s not the couch” you insist, pulling her up and walking around the shop. You mumble a number of things as you inspect different furniture. The color isn’t right, it’s itchy, it’s too small.

“We’re getting close, I can feel it” you promise, walking backwards to look at Nat.

“Watch where you’re going…”

Too late, as you trip over and fall on your back. You yelp, landing on a cream colored sofa that feels perfect.

“Are you ok?” Natasha hurries over and you laugh, pulling her towards you by the hand. It’s big enough to fit the both of you when you lie down on your side. “Wow, this is great” 

“Right?” you snuggle next to her, sighing. “We found it, Nat” 

“Yeah, we did” she smiles. “Let’s take it home” 

You celebrate, hugging her until a store clerk comes by and ask if you need help. Natasha blushes as she breaks apart, confirming you’re buying it. Her hand never leaves your back as she speaks to the clerk. 

“We should celebrate” you say as you leave the store, not dwelling too much on why buying furniture makes you so damn happy.

“I’d love to, but I have a mission” Natasha sighs.

“Oh. I understand” 

The universe might have been in danger, but the world -and the bad guys- certainly didn’t stop. The Avengers were still operating, albeit with more freedom than before.

“We’ll do something when I’m back” she promises and you nod. 

You can handle a day alone, right?

The apartment feels empty without her and you can’t help but think about the past few months. You isolated yourself, then Natasha brought you back to the city, where you focused on fixing your apartment. 

Sooner or later, you’d have to face the reality of your situation. 

Wanda wasn’t part of your life or future anymore. Sitting around doing nothing was not an option in the long run.

Which is why you show up at the Compound first thing in the morning, knocking on Steve’s door. 

“Natasha won’t be back until later today” he says as you sit in front of him. 

“I know. I wanted to talk to you about… coming back to the team” 

“We’d love to have you, Y/N. Your skills are incredibly helpful on the field, and we’ve all seen that you’re very loyal. I know how much you risked to protect us as we were on the run” 

“I feel a but coming” you say and Steve laughs.

“I just want to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Because you want to, not because you feel like there’s no other place to go to”

“I think I can be useful, in a way only few people can. I mean, what am I going to do with magnetism manipulation? Work as a barista?”

“Fair enough” he nods, leaning forward. “Welcome back” 

You have the presence of mind to ask him to hold off on telling Natasha, because you want to let her know yourself. It may be silly, but you make dinner and get her favorite wine as you wait for her to be back from the mission.

“What smells so good?” she greets, closing the door behind her. She’s out of her work clothes, wearing jeans, a simple white tee and leather jacket.

“I made chicken alfredo” you say, moving the pasta around as you turn off the stove.

“Smells delicious” she looks over your shoulder, placing her hand on your lower back as she reaches for two plates and wine glasses.

During dinner, you listen to Natasha talk about the mission and how Sam and Bucky can’t get along even after everything they’ve been through. 

“I’m telling Steve to keep his boyfriends under control”

“Speaking of… Steve” you put your fork down, nervous all of the sudden. “I’m rejoining the Avengers”

Natasha chews for a moment, sips from her glass and wipes the corner of her mouth. Once she’s done, she sighs, looking up.

“I’m gonna kill him”

“What? Who?”

“Steve! This is low, even for him. This is why I didn’t want to leave for a mission just yet. I suspected he’d find a way to guilt you into thinking you owe the world something”

“Wait, no. That’s not what happened. Nat, listen to me” you plead, reaching for her hand and forcing her to sit down. “I went to see him this morning. Maybe I’m just… done with moping around and doing nothing. I can’t go like this forever. Plus, we’d get to go on missions together, right? Or maybe not, you’ll get sick of me, we already share an apartment”

Natasha calls for you, the way she says your name full of care and gentleness.

“Is this what you want?”

“Yes” you say, still holding her hand.

“Then I’m happy” she nods, smiling as she raises her glass.

—

Life is gentle, if only because you let yourself be. A routine develops, with training, missions, dinner and movies. Sometimes you go out, sometimes you cook for Natasha. 

The constant is each other’s presence. And whenever she has to be away on a solo mission, you find comfort in the things she leaves behind, like her clothes. She doesn’t question anything the first time she comes back home and finds you napping in the couch, wearing one of her hoodies.

Natasha has also accepted every bouquet, commenting that it will look beautiful in the kitchen table. She’s right, but that’s not why you buy them; it’s because you’re enamored by her smile as she inspects each flower. 

Home takes on a different meaning. It’s not just the apartment you share, it’s the mornings when Natasha comes back from her run with your favorite muffins; the days you find your favorite cookies in a grocery bag and those times when Nat insists on cleaning after eating whatever it is you prepared and she listens to you talk about your day as she washes dishes.

One day, as Natasha comes back from training new recruits, you greet her at the door. Her smile is gentle, but distant. 

“I was wondering if… you’d like to go out tonight?” you ask, sensing this isn’t the best time but you also know you’ll chicken out if you don’t do it now. 

“I’m kinda tired. I’ll probably take a shower and call it a night”

“Oh, yeah” you nod, fidgeting with your hands.

“I’m sorry. It’s been a weird day. My mind’s a mess” Natasha steps forward, reaching for your hand.

“It doesn’t have to be today. What I meant was… would you like to go on a date with me?” you finally look up, trying to decipher her expression.

Natasha smiles and you sigh with relief.

“How about tomorrow?”

“Sounds perfect”

That’s exactly how the evening goes. You’ve shared so many nights together, but there’s something different in the air. It’s electric and it makes your head spin, craving more each time her hand touches yours.

“Next one is on me” she promises when you insist on paying for dinner. You lean against her, until her arm goes around your shoulders.

“So, there’s gonna be a next one?” 

“I’d like that, yes” Natasha nod and you blush, practically hiding in her arms. She laughs, kissing your temple. The walk home is quiet, but not in an uncomfortable way.

Inevitably, your mind goes to your previous relationship. Truth be told, most of the time you spent with Wanda was brief and under difficult circumstances. There were never dates or any semblance of a normal life. There’s no way of knowing if you’d had worked out together. But, for the first time in six months, it doesn’t hurt to think about what you lost.

You can’t imagine your life without Natasha.

“One episode, that’s all” you argue playfully as you go up the stairs, hoping Natasha wants to watch the show you were binging the other day.

“We have an early morning tomorrow” 

“I’ll make it worth your time…” you say, laughing.

“Y/N” a different voice calls from the end of the hallway. You look back, your eyes meeting Wanda’s. Natasha doesn’t seem as surprised.

“Wanda, what are you doing here?”

“I came back a few days ago…” the girl turns to Natasha, upset. “You didn’t tell her I was here”

“I was hoping you’d leave her alone” Natasha admits, avoiding your eyes.

“Is that really the only reason?” Wanda looks intently at the way you’re holding Natasha’s hand.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Natasha steps forward, but you pull her back.

“It’s not worth it, Nat”

“Y/N, I just need five minutes. Alone” Wanda asks, focusing entirely on you. You can tell that Natasha feels defeated as you nod, but still goes inside without another word, the door closing behind her.

“Five minutes” you say, crossing your arms. You miss Natasha’s warmth as soon as she leaves.

“I came back to say I’m sorry. To say that I think I made a mistake”

“You hurt me. I think that was a mistake, yes. Is that all?”

“These past few months I… I have tried to convince myself that what I did was not so bad, or that it was meant to be between Vision and me. But lately, I’ve wondered if it wasn’t only the stone. The connection was so strong between us, but now that the Mind stone is gone…”

“Now you’re bored and coming back to me” 

“It’s not like that” 

“Whatever it is, I’m not interested, Wanda. I’ve moved on, worked on myself. Found someone who makes me happier than I’ve ever been. I’m sorry, truly, that things didn’t turn out the way you wanted. But coming back to me is not an option. That door is closed for good” 

“Of course” she sighs, a tear rolling down her cheek. “I’m sorry for interrupting your date, I’ll leave now”

“Wanda” you call as she walks down the hall. “I really hope you can find happiness again”

With that, you walk into your apartment. 

“Can we talk?” you say, approaching Nat. She smiles sadly.

“Look, I understand. Wanda’s the one. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you she was here… I guess I just wanted to be a little selfish and have one date with you”

You sigh, sitting down next to her.

“She’s gone now. I’m not… whatever it is I felt for her, it’s over now, Nat. I’m sorry if I made you feel insecure” you place your finger under her chin, making her look up. “I like that you sing while you wash the dishes. I know your favorite flowers are tulips. I’d watch twenty horror movies just to see you smile” she chuckles at that, reaching for your hand. “I’d do anything to give you a fraction of the happiness you’ve given me, Natasha”

“It’s hard to believe, that’s all. I’ve never been easy to love” 

“And yet, it’s the only thing that’s kept me going for this long. Your love. Will you let me pay it back?”

“Yes” she nods, her nose rubbing against yours as you lean forward, kissing her gently at first, and then pushing her until she’s laying on the couch. She pulls you closer, eager for more. 

“I did say I’d make it worth your time” 

You laugh against Natasha’s lips, feeling how she’s smiling into the kiss.

“Lucky for us, we have the best couch in all of New York City, and all the time in the world”

“Yes, we do” you confirm, kissing her until you’re both out of breath. “And we have each other”

“That too” Natasha nods, her hand on your cheek.

And you’d have each other, in the home you built.

[feyascorner]

6 | The Fangs Between Us

summary. You remember how the sunlight glistened against his skin the morning after your first night together. The longing in his eyes for the very same thing now makes your stomach churn.

It might have suit him even more than the moonlight.

With an irritable sigh, you take your blade and press the sharp end against the tip of your finger.

“What are you doing?”

“Keeping you alive,” you reply, pushing your fingertip now with a bead of blood trickling down its side, toward his face. “Drink.”

warnings. angst, comfort, slow burn, reader is a bard

pairing. Astarion x GN!Reader

parts. TFBU masterlist

a/n. 6.4k words,,,tav is better than me i would've thrown hands like twelve years ago,,,I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I WROTE THIS IN LIKE TWO DAYS???? also thank you for all your comments they really motivate me to write!! so have this monster of a chapter early as thanks!!

"You'll kill them, Astarion," you mumble. "They might not have had the power to help you, but they're still your siblings. I don't want them to die hating you."

"They're not my siblings--not really. I don't care what they think of me. Hells, they could haunt me even in the afterlife, as annoying as that would be, but they're no innocents either. They've brought in as many souls as I have," he responds, his jaw visibly clenching at the thought. "I don't care if all seven thousand of them die hating me as long as you're here."

And while you feel flattered, you can't disregard the worry driving a hole through your conscience. Ever perceptive, he lifts a hand to brush stray strands of hair out of your face, his fingertips tracing your jaw. His voice is but a hushed whisper.

"You understand, don't you, my love? It would set me free--after two hundred years of forcing myself through hell--I can finally free myself from Cazador," his tone sours at just the mention of his master's name, and he intertwines his fingers with yours, drawing your attention back to him.

"It is what you want for me, no? For me to be happy?"

It is what you want. Just not like this.

Music was your way of releasing the mountain of feelings you kept locked away in your chest, waiting for the right person to recognize them for what they are. You’d hoped someone would understand the meaning behind your lyrics without you telling them outright, and they’d know what it truly meant to you. And for a while, you’d believed Astarion would be the key to this safe.

You couldn’t have been more wrong.

“While I usually entertain your certainly out-of-the-box plans, this is bordering on just foolish, I’m afraid,” Gale sighs, eyes tracing you as you pace around the house, stuffing every possible weapon and healing potion into a brown sack. Despite his insistence, you ignore him, testing the blade of a knife against the edge of the table. It’s not entirely dull, nor is it sharper than the dagger in your drawer, but it’ll have to do. “Simply charging into the tavern won’t do much good if you’ll be overwhelmed in number anyway.”

“I know what I’m doing, Gale,” you hiss, snatching an Alchemist’s Fire and shoving it a tad too hard into your bag. He tenses. “If they want to talk to me so badly, then I’m not waiting around for them to attack another one of my friends—I’ll go to them.”

“Yes, your determination is certainly praise-worthy, but can we please just sit down and think this through before running into a battlefield with a few knives? This is basically a suicide mission.”

“The wizard is right, even if it’s hard to believe,” Lae’zel announces from the corner of the room, wiping a cloth on her sword. “When I arrived, they’d already fled. They could be anywhere by now, and they’ve had more than enough time to plan another ambush if we were to charge now. We must be smart about this. I am a warrior, but I am no fool.”

“I’ll go by myself,” you say, a sense of finality in your voice. “They already showed what they’d do if someone they didn’t want to talk to approached them. I’ll just talk to them.”

Gale stares with lidded eyes. “So why are you packing so many explosives, exactly?”

“...Precaution?”

Silence befalls the room, and you take it as a sign to finish your preparations. All you can hear is the crackling of the fireplace and the rain falling against the windows of the home. The lot of you had somehow managed to stabilize Shadowheart by the time Lae’zel returned, and while she’d been conscious earlier, you insisted she rest before she consumed herself with the investigation again. You didn’t miss the way she limped back to her room with little to protest against you.

“Take the spawn with you.”

Two jaws drop at the words, the only one remaining fixed belonging to Lae’zel.

“The kainyank is living here to help. Not cause more problems for us. And so far, he’s only done one of the two things, and I’m dangerously close to turning to my blade if he doesn’t choose otherwise,” she says. “The spawn are searching for him, too. If blood breaks out, you must use him to flee safely.”

Gale blinks. “As in…use him as a body shield?”

“What else is he good for?”

While the wizard seems positively appalled, you can see the contemplation flicker in his eyes before he shakes his head. He's always been more considerate than the rest of you. “No, Tav would never agree to such a-”

“Okay.”

They both whip their heads toward you, and you avoid their piercing gazes, staring down at the dull blade in your hand. “It might help, too, if we find out why they want him. There are nearly 3000 spawns in the city—we can’t kill all of them, at least not immediately. It’d be best if we convinced them to leave, and the best way of doing that is to understand what they want in the first place.”

Lae’zel narrows her eyes. “Then you must swear it. Swear that if Astarion were to face risks, you will leave him behind. If he were to turn on you, you slice through his throat without a second of hesitation. He is there to aid you–nothing else.”

“I will,” the words feel hot on your tongue.

And so, you soon find yourself standing in front of his door, hand reaching for the door handle. There’s a slight pause right as you touch the cool metal, but you bite your tongue and shove it open, praying he’s still not as ravenous as he was a few hours ago. And much to your surprise, he appears wholly composed.

He lowers his book to his lap, eyes training themselves on you as they dart from your bag and then back to your face. The window’s wide open, bathing him in the moonlight, with dark curtains tied to the wall to keep them from obscuring his view of the city. He raises a brow. “What could you possibly want from me at two in the morning? Come here for a cuddle?”

You’re scowling again.

“I need you-”

“I’m flattered, but I fear you may stab a butter knife into my eye, so I’ll have to decline.”

“Not like that.” Your frown creases deeper at his smug grin. “We’re going to the Blushing Mermaid to find the spawn.”

“Just us?”

“They want to see us.”

“And if I refuse?”

The answer is almost immediate, cutting through the atmosphere like a knife on bread. “I hear the bloody bedrolls in the Duke’s dungeon are very comfortable.”

He drops his smile at this, and a tiny spark of pride puffs your chest. He seems to weigh his choices before snapping his book shut and standing from the bed, snatching a comb from his bedside table before pacing up to you, pocketing it behind him.

"A comb?"

He shrugs as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, I doubt you’ll be giving me a weapon of any sort, so I must make do.”

You don’t correct him.

As the two of you make your way downstairs, you hear your other companions speaking.

“I didn’t expect you of all people to defend Astarion,” Gale says in disbelief, still comprehensive as Lae’zel poorly cuts up slices of an apple.

“I am doing no such thing, istik,” she mutters. “I am giving him a choice. Either to pick up his dead weight and prove his life is worth more than the dirt on my shoes or die at my hand.”

The walk to the Blushing Mermaid is painfully awkward. To you, anyway, because he seems positively unbothered the entire time. Seeing him leisurely follow behind you is irritating—and it bothers you more than you’d like to admit.

By the time you survey the area around the tavern, you’ve discerned they must be inside, considering there are no ambushes awaiting your arrival. While it’s a relief, it also increases the anxiety of what lies inside the tavern itself, and you confirm your knives are at your disposal if it were ever to come to that. You sincerely hope it doesn’t. Astarion sighs dramatically for the umpteenth time as you approach the front doors, and you finally snap to look at him with a glare.

“Will you stop breathing so damn loud?”

The change in your attitude toward him is apparent, but he doesn't seem to care. If anything, he seems more pleased with you than he was before every time you shoot him an annoyed glance or something along those lines. He responds with lazy answers, but it's better than the bitter ones he gave you before.

You're not terribly surprised, though. He's always loved pissing people off for his own entertainment, and it would be an understatement to say that he's been somewhat successful with you.

“I’m not breathing, my dear. I don’t need to, remember?”

“Then what is your problem?” you hiss between your teeth. “Are you trying to wake up the entire city with your insistent groaning?”

“Must we do this tonight, of all days? Couldn’t this wait till tomorrow?”

“No!” you say in exasperation. “That gives them too much time to heal and recover from Shadowheart and Gale. It has to be tonight, just in case they do decide to fight—then we’ll have an easier time because, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s just us two!”

He sighs again, and you swear you might pluck a strand of his hair for good measure. And just as you shove past him and reach for the door, he clears his throat again. Loudly.

“For God’s sake, what?” you nearly yell.

He smiles at you, pointing at the front door. “Well, if we’re looking to avoid an ambush, perhaps we should find another way in than the main entrance. Unless my prior knowledge as a rogue proceeds me.”

You blink. You recognize the validity of his statement and feel your face flare, and you immediately march past him again—the other way this time—and search for the nearest wall you can climb up to the roof. You hear him snicker, but you do your best to ignore it. 

Somehow, you manage to climb in through the window, admittedly a lot louder than him, but you don’t think it’s fair to compare yourself to him when he has footsteps lighter than a child’s. Hidden behind one of the tables, you peer into the rest of the tavern, which is completely empty save for the bottles of alcohol scattered everywhere. You turn to signal to him that the coast is clear, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

Immediately, your face drains of color.

“Right here, darling.”

He drops down from seemingly thin air, and you gasp, nearly letting out a shriek if it weren’t for your hand covering your mouth. He grins at that.

Bastard.

“There’s nobody in the entire building–at least, not visible to the eye,” he confirms, glancing around the room.

“How do you know that?”

He points at the ceiling, and your eyes follow it. “Someone decided to build such useful beams on the roof. You can see the entire place from up there. Care to take a look?”

While you would have thanked him if he had been any other person, you only march straight by him. “Don’t do anything without telling me first.”

“No ‘thanks, Astarion’?” He quirks a brow but huffs when you ignore him. “Very well then, my liege. No need to acknowledge a humble servant such as I. But I shall let you know when I’m about to take any questionable decision.”

You’re starting to wonder if his presence is worth the headache it gives you.

Pacing around the tavern, it seems all too normal. No blood splatters against the wall, no broken chairs—hells, even the booze cups look clean, which is a rarity for the Blushing Mermaid. You check each room, inspecting down to the last cups in case there are traces of blood in them, but to no avail.

It’s like there was never anyone here.

“You look like you’re having trouble, my dear,” Astarion clicks his tongue mockingly, leaning back in one of the more luxurious chairs he’s decided is his own.

“Considering the only company I decided to bring along is lounging around like a bum, I’m not surprised,” you say back, now searching the smallest cracks in the walls for some sort of secret passage. It’s strange. Even though your companions had spoken of the bodies they encountered when facing the spawn, there’s not a single speck of blood in sight. Neither is there anything outside but the whistle of the wind.

“This particular wall must be quite fascinating.”

You fight the need to groan and whip around to snap at him, but he’s suddenly just a foot away from you, staring at the spot you’d been squinting at. Gods, you hate how quiet he is when he walks.

“As wonderful as it is getting a fresh breath of air,” he feigns disappointment with a half-hearted sigh, turning to walk toward the entrance. “I believe we’ve done what we can. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d love to return to my book–”

The wooden floor underneath him creaks. It sounds hollow.

As if there’s something underneath.

“The basement,” you blink, eyes wide. “The hag’s lair.”

He stares at you as if you’ve taken too many mushrooms. “It was sealed up after we rid of that dreadful woman. Good riddance, too, I mean, I’m not particularly fond of children, but eating them, even I wouldn’t be able–”

You rush toward the very corner of the tavern, sensing that he’s following you regardless of his obvious distaste toward your decision. There, you push against a table perched on top of the basement latch and test its locks.

It’s open.

“Heavens, it reeks here. How didn’t I smell it before?”

“Of what?” You sniff the air. “I don’t smell anything.”

“Blood, my dear. Fairly recent, too, if my judgment hasn’t gotten rusty in the time I’ve spent cooped up in that room,” he pauses. “And I haven’t gotten rusty, to be clear.”

“Right,” you retort, reaching down to pull the latch open. You don’t see him do the same, and you glance at him quizzically.

“Gods no,” he says, when he realizes why you’re staring. “I’m doing no such thing that ruins these nails.”

You sigh. Loudly.

The latch opens relatively easily, but you make an effort not to simply swing it open in fear the occupants inside might be warned of your arrival. You prop the trap door open against a chair and begin your descent down the stairs, remaining as silent as possible.

The first thing you can notice is that he’d been right.

The stench of blood burns in your nose, and you immediately cover it with your sleeve to avoid inhaling anymore. You’ve smelt enough of your companion’s blood today, and you’d rather not continue the streak with the blood of complete strangers. Astarion, however, frowns.

“Such a waste,” he mumbles.

When you turn to where he’s looking, there’s a pile of bodies—poor victims, no doubt—lying over a puddle of their collective blood mixing with one another. It almost feels inhumane to leave them that way, just hours after their death, as if they’re cattle to be used.

Though, in this case, they are cattle.

“Are you sure it’s them?”

“I’m telling you it is!”

“Where’s their lyre, then?”

“How would I know that?”

You locate the source of the whispers instantly, reaching for one of your daggers as your eyes bore into the corners of the lair that are obscured from your view. Astarion steps forward before you can figure out a plan to approach them, arrogance exuding from his very body as he holds nothing but the comb tucked in his back pocket. “We can hear you, you fools. Come out before I lose my patience.”

“What are you doing?” you hiss.

“They’re only a few spawns, my dear. Nothing like Cazador—no need to be so cautious.”

You open your mouth to protest, but a woman emerges from the shadows, her eyes trained on your own as she marvels at your mere presence. You realize she’s not alone as multiple vampires begin to emerge from different corners of the room, all a safe distance away but not enough to ease the nerves jittering in your stomach. She steps toward you. “It’s really you, isn’t it?”

Another spawn steps beside her, and you immediately notice how ravenous he seems, eyes almost glistening with hunger as they bore straight into you. The woman puts a hand on his neck, seemingly soothing him, before he slumps his shoulders again, but the pure violence swirling in his head doesn’t seem to vanish. She then looks to Astarion, and the expression on her face morphs into something more akin to dread. “And you, brother.”

“Dalyria.” Astarion only stares with lidded eyes, visibly unfazed.

You instinctively scan the entire lair, searching for any differences you can spot since the last time you were here. The only glaring thing besides the bodies piled in the corner is the study desk on the other side of the room, scattered with different potions and concoctions. Behind the desk is an entire wall plastered with diagrams—most of which study the anatomy and functionality of what you can only determine to be a vampire judging from the fangs. There are also beds everywhere—though they look like they could collapse any second—and the room almost looks like a hospital.

The atmosphere between the siblings is so uncomfortable you’d think they’ll start attacking one another any second.

“Is Leon here?” you finally cut through, lowering your hand away from your blade. “I need to speak with him—technically, all of you.”

“How curious. We were hoping to speak with you as well,” she says, motioning all the other spawn to stand down. It does little to ease you. “By all means, feel free to go first.”

You take the opportunity, too exhausted, to demonstrate polite etiquette. “The spawn are causing too much trouble in the city, Dalyria. They’re killing too many people, and it’s getting noticed by more than enough people. At this rate, you’ll lose some of your own if the Fist figure out how you guys are hiding throughout the city.”

“...Yes, I’m aware.”

The resignation in her voice makes your throat bob, but you continue anyway. “I’m saying we need to get you guys somewhere more stable. Whether it be the Underdark or elsewhere, we can’t have you staying here.”

“I see,” she says slowly. “I appreciate you trying to talk this out with us, but I’m afraid I cannot grant your request.”

Your shoulders tense, and you can see Astarion shift beside you. “You don’t understand, sister. There’s going to be an outright war at this rate-”

“Baldur’s Gate is our home as well, Astarion. You, of all people, should know this,” she demands. “We have a right to remain here, and if the Fist insists on forcing us out, we have no choice but to retaliate.”

“But you’re killing the city off!” you gawk in disbelief, unable to believe what you’re hearing.

“We’re surviving,” she corrects, the corners of her lips turning downward. “Surely you can’t hate us for that.”

“Then…” you blink at her, positively appalled at her words. “Why the hells did you need to speak with me? What was worth putting my companion through hell?”

“...There is a way—for both parties to benefit.” She looks down at her hands, then back up at you. “I didn’t expect the both of you to come together. Our informants were correct when they claimed to see Astarion in your possession. In all honesty, we technically only needed one of you, but this makes things a lot quicker.”

Confused but desperately wanting an answer, you urge her to continue. Only you can see the way Astarion’s hand slips toward his pocket, where his comb lies.

“We were going to ask you to bring him to us, you see. But it appears you’ve already done the hard part.”

The dreaded intuition in the back of your mind tells you something is wrong. Very, very wrong.

“Me? What do you need me for?” he scowls.

She disregards him and continues speaking to you, leaving a sour taste in your mouth. “If you turn him over to us, you’ll never have to see him again. That is what you want, yes?”

Both you and the pale elf freeze.

“I watched as my brother nearly killed you the day of the ritual,” she continues. “I understand how you feel being betrayed by someone you thought shared your pain. And I believe this is a way to relieve you of that pain—and finally move onto a new stage of your life.”

She acts as if Astarion is the only thing holding you from moving on from the past few months of your life. And if she’d said so a week ago, you would have nothing to defend yourself with. But you’ve cut the few strings left that tie yourself to him. You remind yourself that you no longer care for him, regardless of the slight squeeze in your chest. You’ve already sworn to force yourself to disregard him, and you want to say all these things to her, but nothing comes out. So, instead, you keep your mouth sealed.

Astarion scoffs from beside you.

“For God’s sake, please tell me you’re not actually considering this. Let’s just force the madwoman out and go,” his voice attempts to stay firm, but it’s high-pitched at the end. He’s panicking.

You don’t respond to him, and he stiffens. “...My main concern is the city. If you think you can use my personal matters to convince me to just let you keep killing all these people–”

“That matter will resolve itself in its own time. We’ll return to the Underdark—or wherever it is you wish, and you won’t have to spend your nights hunting us down anymore.”

With a dry throat, you fixate your gaze on her face, desperately trying to discern any hint of a crack in her mask. Instead, you find nothing. “Why would you do that? For one spawn?”

“I’m afraid that’s for me and my siblings to know. But I can promise you that no harm will come to you if you take this deal.”

For what seems like the millionth time this month, you have no idea what to do. Lae’zel’s words flood you like a wave crashing onto shore as you remind yourself that Astarion is here not as your ally but as a shield. If things are as Dalyria says, simply turning over the man standing next to you would end this entire ordeal. You could return to your everyday life of repairing the city, learning to heal and grow from the terrors of the illithid invasion. You could learn to let people in again.

You could learn to play music again in hopes of finding the person you dreamed would understand.

Such an enticing, perfect deal. It’s almost too perfect. But you’ve learned not to trust perfection, especially when handed to you by a vampire spawn.

Astarion, who had been observing your expression this whole time, almost seems to read your mind. Or perhaps he’s just feeling selfish, ready to defend himself. “You’ve created a lot of problems for me, dear sister. I’ve gotten accused of your own murders, thanks to your pets.”

The delirious spawn, who’d looked sluggish after Dalyria’s soothing, now bares his teeth at Astarion. Dalyria attempts to calm him again, but it’s no use. The bloodthirst cannot be satiated unless there’s blood spilled on his very hands.

Astarion doesn’t seem to take a hint—or maybe he does but chooses to simply ignore it. “I’ve always known you were strange, Dalyria, but really? Experimenting with your ‘useless procedures’ on fresh spawns? He looks positively possessed, sister. He might just resort to eating you instead.”

“They are not useless, Astarion,” she snaps. “I am a doctor. I’m only curing what needs to be cured.”

“Then tell me why you haven’t managed to cure yourself of our curse? You may be intelligent in medical aspects, but gods above, you are more foolish than Cazador himself if you really think you can cure vampirism.”

“I had nobody to test my ideas on for two centuries, Astarion! Now that I do, surely I can-”

“You’re starving them, Dalyria,” he snaps, tone drastically different from the banter you shared just minutes ago. “And they’ll give into the thirst sooner or later.”

His words are the final straw.

The spawn who’d been standing beside her launches himself toward you. Before you can even register what’s happening, his fangs are at your throat, your neck tilted so it shoots pain up your side. Just as you feel your skin split at the tips of his canines, Astarion rips him away from you so harshly that the spawn flies helplessly into the wall, which crumbles under his weight. Dust flies into your eyes, and you cough, wiping at them until it clears just enough to see Dalyria staring in horror.

“I told you, Dalyria. You are no doctor, not anymore,” Astarion scoffs, eyes narrowed into slits. “And I’m afraid I can’t let you kill my liege here, as I’d much hate to be trapped in a cell somewhere underground.”

You reach the specks of blood drops forming on your neck, horrified by the close encounter you had with death just seconds ago. The culprit of your injury lies unconscious beside the cracked wall, and you wonder just how hard he had to be thrown to be rendered in such a state. You can see the other spawns’ eyes practically glow at the sight of your blood—fresh, unlike the pile of corpses on the other side of the room.

She turns to you, desperation pouring from the wavering of her voice. “Please, don’t make me do this. Don’t make us enemies. All you need to do is give us Astarion. My brother, for heaven's sake!”

You think better of it. Something that obviously pleases Astarion if the way his face relaxes tells you anything.

“May I?” he glances at you.

Surely, there are ways–more civilized ways–-than drawing your blade, but the ferocious growling from the rest of the spawn tells you otherwise. You need to find out why she needs Astarion so badly, and clearly, she’s not willing to tell you unless it’s through pure force. You despise the idea as much as you despise the predicament you’re in, but you refuse to be attacked and deliver nothing back.  Just as you nod to his question, another spawn lunges, unable to resist the red staining your neck.

But it’s smart this time, choosing to eliminate any threats before turning to the full course. In this case, the only thing between you and the vampires is another vampire.

“Brother!” Dalyria shouts, horrified.

You don't bother calling his name, only barely manage to tackle Astarion out of the way before the spawn’s claw sinks into the very ground he was standing on just seconds ago.

As embarrassing as it is to practically crash on top of him, both of you wince because it’s more painful than anything. You force yourself up with your arms, and it’s then that you see even more spawn crawling from whatever shadows they hid in, and you realize you are terribly and most definitely outnumbered. By a lot. 

“Dalyria, if you’re truly a doctor, do something! Stop them, godsdammit!” you shriek in her direction.

“They’re not—they were doing so well!...” she gasps before she reaches for a tattered journal and desperately files through its pages in a frenzy. “They were nearly docile before. I don’t know why–”

You feel Astarion’s hands slip out of the sack you carry on your back, realizing you hadn’t even noticed him opening it. He’s still lying flat on the ground, and you look down at him, puzzled before he laughs bitterly.

“I’ll be borrowing this for a few minutes, darling.”

You barely dodge another spawn that comes flying at you, rolling off of him and practically slamming into the wall. And before you can crawl away, your knife—in Astarion’s hand—stabs through the spawn’s left eye through the back of their head, specks of their blood splattering against your cheek.

You want to throw up.

“No, don’t harm them! Please, just let us go!” Dalyria pleads, but you’re finished being patient with her. She clearly has no way of calming the spawn, and you’re tired of being thrown around like a ragdoll in the mess that is the lair.

You yank out the Alchemist’s Fire and chuck it at the nearest cluster of spawn—around 2 or 3—and flinch as the vial collides and explodes into flames right before your eyes, blowing your hair out of your face in a gust of smoke and wind. You swear you hear Astarion cackle in utter glee at the destruction, but you choose not to dwell on it, too busy figuring out how else you could get out of here alive.

“You’re ruining the patients!” Dalyria screams, and you almost regret not throwing the vial at her instead.

“Your spawn are the ones attacking us!”

Suddenly, her face goes impossibly pale, and you hear a hiss of pain from a few feet away. Astarion winces as one of the spawn claws at his chest leaves behind a reasonably deep wound following the path of their sharp nails. Your knife is kicked away from him, and you hear Dalyria again just as he reaches for the comb instead. “Brother, be careful!”

You’re not sure if she wants you and Astarion dead or not, but it’s seriously giving you backlash at this point.

He stabs the comb into the spawn’s neck and kicks him away, and you take the opportunity to send the knife he dropped through the air.

By some miracle, it pierces straight through the spawn’s arm. Astarion lets out a breathy laugh from the floor, attention glued to your handiwork. “Ha! And to think that could have been me!”

And while you want to admire your aim yourself, there’s no time. Dalyria’s footsteps rush up the stairs, out of the basement, and you realize you need to follow moments after Astarion, who’s already fleeing up the steps, cursing under his breath. “That demented wench!”

You stand to follow after him, but the remaining spawns are already blocking your way. There are only two more, but you brace yourself for the worst, reaching for whatever remaining weapons you have left in your sack. The smoke and debris feel suffocating in your lungs, but you have no choice but to push through, praying to whatever God you can remember at the moment that this be the last time you have to fight this many vampire spawn. Or any, for that matter.

You wish you had left your fighting days behind you when you defeated the elder brain, but you suppose even that was too much to ask for.

You arrive just in time to see the sunrise.

Lying against a wall is Astarion, who you find just before the sunlight hits the part of the ground he’s on. He’s clutching his shoulder, which drips with his own blood, and showing no signs of the quick vampire regeneration. You stare down at him, face stoic as you wait for him to say something.

Judging from his condition, you assume Dalyria got away.

“Leaving me to die here would be unwise,” he scoffs. “Though it’d be rather easy to let me burn to death in the sun, I must remind you that I much rather prefer decapitation if it’s all the same to you.” 

“I’ll consider it,” you reply curtly. "Can't promise anything, though."

He leans his head back, amused. The sunlight is just a few feet away now, and you wonder how long it's been since he's been outside to watch the sunrise. “You’ve always had a cruel streak in you. I just had to lure it out, sometimes, but when it did come out—Gods, you should have seen it yourself.”

“You’re delirious,” you remind him, observing just how much blood he’s losing. You remind yourself of your resentment when worry probes a small part of your heart. One that you hope dies soon. “Why aren’t you healing?”

“I haven’t been exactly feeding well, unfortunately. And days old boar’s blood can only sustain me so long, darling,” he lulls his head forehead, sneering to himself. “Now that I think about it, dying by sunlight sounds rather poetic, don’t you think? Perhaps you can make a song about my glorious death.”

He’s definitely unhinged from blood loss.

You sigh, tossing his arm over your shoulder as you deem the sunlight a bit too close now. It’s a slow process with your own body’s soreness, but you manage to drag him to a more shaded area, propping him against the wall there so that you can rummage through your sack for a healing potion. You stop when his hand latches onto your arm.

“What?” you frown.

“It won’t help. I need blood, my dear.”

“There’s none for you here.”

“The bodies in the basement,” he bites back a groan, more blood gushing out of his shoulder. “I can make use of them--give their deaths a sense of purpose."

The displeasure on your face must be apparent because he laughs.

You pause, lowering the sack onto the ground. While you’re illuminated by the sunlight now, he remains in the shadow of the building, only able to see the sun with how it reflects off of your skin. And you find that he’s no longer looking at you but looking past you into the glowing orb you call the sun. You remember how its light glistened against his own skin the morning after your first night together. The longing in his eyes for the very same thing now makes your stomach churn.

It might have suit him even more than the moonlight.

With an irritable sigh, you take your blade and press its tip against the tip of your finger.

“What are you doing?”

“Keeping you alive,” you reply, pushing your fingertip now with a bead of blood trickling down its side, toward his face. “Drink.”

His eyes widen, and the temptation is more than evident with how his mouth falls open as if he tastes your blood from a few inches away. But as fast as it had come, he tears his eyes away. “I’m not taking your blood.”

“Stop with your prideful act, Astarion. You’re going to bleed out.”

“I wouldn’t die, exactly. I would just remain unconscious until I can properly heal myself.”

You spare him a long, hard stare. He refuses to look at you, biting the inside of his cheek to ignore the scent of your blood. And it's painfully clear he's failing.

You have no idea why he's so insistent on avoiding your blood, but you refuse to spend your own time pondering it.

“Fine then.”

He watches in utter loss as you lick the blood off of your finger, shrugging. “Bleed out for all I care.”

You turn to stand, but his hand latches on your arm once more. You’re not sure if you’re imagining how warm he feels, but you think you must be. He's always been terribly cold.

“Do you hate me now?” he asks again, this time staring up at you through his lashes. “Have I finally run through your patience?”

The question remains the same as he asked you a week ago, but it feels different now. This time, you know your answer, and it feels so, so relieving. You just wish you could understand his own feelings, but his expression is so superficial you don’t even attempt it.

“Yes,” you reply blankly. “I hate you.”

He takes a moment to process your words. You have to admit it’s satisfying to say it to his face, even if your hatred for him is new. But perhaps because it’s new is why you feel it so strongly, and you silently thank it for how confident you sound saying the words. Even if they taste bitter. You think he might have some quip to respond with, but he only smiles, and as usual, it doesn’t reach his eyes.

You never want to see it again.

Without another word, he pulls you down to him, and you nearly topple over before stabilizing yourself with either of your knees on either side of his legs. He breathes against your neck, and you think he might drink from you until you feel his fingers brush against your nape. Immediately, your body freezes like a deer in headlights, flinching at his touch as your mind involuntarily forces the last memories you have of his hands on your neck.

And ever so perceptive, he notices how you recoil from his touch.

You hate your body for reacting the way it does out of fear. Not the disgust or the anger, but something much more pathetic, and you want to go back on your own actions to stop yourself from appearing so weak to him. You think he might tease you--taunt you, even, but he stops, slowly pulling away and lowering his head from the crook between your shoulder and head.

You’re unable to see his face, but his movements seem more sluggish.

Instead of going for your neck, he lifts your wrist, brushing his lips against it before sinking his teeth into the tender flesh.

Despite the initial sting, it’s a feeling you’ve grown accustomed to over time. With him, it had always felt so intimate. It’s why you can’t help but feel heat bloom across your cheeks before you remind yourself you no longer care for him. Only when you think he’s drinking a bit too long do you try to pull away, but his arm loops around your waist, bringing you even closer as the amount of blood he’s taking increases with how deep his fangs are.

You feel so cold, yet heat burns through your very blood. It makes your head dizzy, and you take it as a sign that he’s had enough.

You only manage to speak a few seconds later, breathless. “Astarion.”

He pulls away, seemingly out of breath himself as he releases his hold on the rest of your body. He runs his tongue over the access, staining the side of his mouth. He uses his finger to make sure the rest is off his face. “I know.”

He rarely feeds so messily, so you discern he wasn’t lying when he said he hadn’t been drinking well. Knowing he wasn’t deceiving you brings little relief, but it’s still a welcome feeling. Rubbing at your wrist and the two puncture wounds now residing there, you stand up and slug your sack over your shoulder. He watches you the entire time, and you hate that you can never seem to read his expressions—only one, and that’s whenever he claims to despise your very existence.

His shoulder has already stopped bleeding.

“Why didn’t you drink from those people at Sharess’ Caress?” you finally say.

“Their blood…” he pauses, trailing off, and suddenly he seems to change his mind. “...I've grown tired of it.”

“Blood is just blood, isn’t it?”

He stares at you for a moment, then laughs.

“I wish it was, darling.”

Tags:@ayselluna@littleenglishfangirl@bg3obsessedsideblog@iwillpissyourpants@cyberpr1m3@ukeia-uchiha@snowlotr@road-riot@spacekidnova@madislayyy@lordfishflakes@nicalysm@djarinsway@tinystarfishgalaxy@brainz00@hopeful-n-sad@ohdeerieme@madisban@chrismarium@chonkercatto@fanfic-share@sleepyred1703@miskouly@ravenswritingroom @iamlowkeycrying @deezus-roy @spiritraves @mariposakitten @dinobae-replyacc @whisperingwillowxox @bdudette @misscrissfemmefatale @atropapurpurea @cosywinterevenings @phoenixgurl030 @generalstephkenobi @shadowsmusical @himesuedi @girlygmer-blog @vulgarfuckinvirgo77 @aelieknox @hyperfixationwhore @teardropcup @bitterbeanren Please let me know if I didn't add you to the list or if you'd like to be added!

[wosoamazing]

Emails, Transfer Disputes and Harper

Summary: You get a long awaited email, there are some transfer disputes at camp and you spend time with Harper

Warnings: Some swearing, yelling I guess, angst (I think)

A/N: Plot twist..... maybe, maybe not?

You were sitting against the back wall of the common room finishing off the last of your schoolwork for the day. When you got an email, not just an email, the email, you opened the email and started reading, not caring that essentially the rest of the team was in the room.

‘Dear Y/F/N Williamson, this email is regarding your senior education, blah blah, after many discussions within our team and consultations with Arsenal FC and Football Australia we have come to a decision on your request, blah blah, I am pleased to inform you that your request has been fulfilled in addition to the removal of all internal exams, which will instead be replaced with assignments, thus in your final year of your education you will have three assignments per subject to complete. Blah blah blah’

It’s safe to say a wave of relief flooded over you, you had put in this request 6 months ago, your final year of school was looming just 3 weeks away now, and so too were the Olympics in a year, tears started to stream out your eyes, you couldn’t believe it, you didn’t think they would say yes, the request was purely put in to see, no one thought they would say yes, let alone do more.

“What’s wrong” a soft voice said as a small hand was placed on your shoulder, you looked up to see sweet little Harper in front of you.

“These aren’t sad tears Harps, these are happy tears,” you replied to her, pulling her in for a great big hug.

“What’s happening, are you okay Y/N/N?” Steph said as her and Sam walked in totally confused, everyone turned around to see you tears streaming down you face, hugging harper, with a huge smile on your face, they were also totally confused.

“They, they said yes Steph,” “Who did? Wait. No, they said yes! Om my God, I’m so happy for you.”

“Who said yes?” “The education people, she-”

“Read,” you said shoving the computer into Steph’s hands, standing up, now holding Harper, who just pressed her head into the crock of your neck and relaxed, which Mini took a photo of, she had so many photos of you and Harper together, she could fill a stadium with them.

“Dear Y/F/N Williamson, this email is regarding your senior education, whatever, whatever, after many discussions within our team and consultations with Arsenal FC and Football Australia we have come to a decision on your request, whatever, I am pleased to inform you that your request has been fulfilled in addition to the removal of all internal exams, which will instead be replaced with assignments, thus in your final year of your education you will have three assignments per subject to complete. Whatever, whatever.” Said read the email out loud, her mouth dropped in shock. “Wait, they’re doing more?”

“Yep” you replied emphasising the P.

“Wait this means you are available to be picked for the Olympics now, we need to go to Tony”.

“You do know there is no guarantee you will be picked though right” someone said.

“Uh, have you seen the girl play,” Sam responded.

“She makes the oppositions defence look like a joke; trust me I’ve been on the other side of it” Alanna added.

“Anyway, if I don’t get picked for this team, I have been promised there is a spot for me on another team. I’ll tell Tony tomorrow; I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve been told as well though.”

“You know what I loved to see you place against Barca,”

“Well, if you accept Emma’s offer that could hap-” Sam started but you cut her off “Yeah and if I accepted Barca’s offer I could play for Barca.”

“Wait, you’ve got offers from Barca and Chelsea?” Steph asks.

“Yeah, and City, and like basically every other club, can we not talk about this right now?”

“But have you actually thought about this, this is serious,” “Yeah, I’m not an imbecile contrary to what you may think, Arsenal found out and offered more than Barca and Chelsea, but they raised them, I told Arsenal, and they are coming back to me,”

“Wait, Emma raised her offer? She was already offering more than she pays me, that’s insane, and Barca did too, and Arsenal might raise them again.” Sam questions with surprise in her voice.

“Yeah” you say back to her, slightly insulted by how much shock she is in.

“So, you’re staying at Arsenal?” Caitlin askes.

“I don’t know, I have to think about it, talk to my parents about it, have the dreaded conversation with Leah, honestly Leah is probably the reason Arsenal is trying to raise again, if I go, she’ll probably go too. But even if she doesn’t go lets be honest, the team works the way it does and its successful because of the dynamic we have, a very fragile dynamic at that, with any one of us gone, its going to fall down a cliff, which is risky, its risky to stay at Arsenal, Barca might not ever offer this sort of money again, or even worse they might not ever give me an offer again” you pause for a moment before you put Harper on the ground “why don’t you go back to your Mama” she nods and walks back over to Mini, who sends you an apologetic look, she knew why you put Harper down and it shouldn’t have to be that way but it is “Arsenal is the dream team, you are all amazing everyone there is my family, but Barca is also the dream team, playing with the best players day in day out at training, competing against some of the best, a +66 goal difference, I mean how could you not want that, and the fact that they increased their offer after Arsenal raised them that means something, you get an offer at Barca you jump at it you, don’t look at the figure, you don’t question, we all know how it works, you question, you hesitate Barca takes the offer away, and Lucy and Kiera say everyone there is super friendly and lovely and they think I would fit right in.”

“You’ve spoken to Lucy Bronze and Kiera Walsh about Barca? But haven’t mentioned a word about it to anyone at Arsenal, your club”.

“Yeah, it’s not like I owe you guys anything”.

“So, Chelsea isn’t on the cards th-” “No Sam Chelsea isn’t on the cards, Chelsea was never on the fucking cards, it was always going to be Baraca or Arsenal. Why am I letting you all do this to me? It’s my decision. It’s my fucking life! I’m going up” you start to walk away, before you turn around and look at Sam and Steph “and don’t you dare even think to follow me,” and with that your gone.

______

“Shit” Sam said.

“Well, we fucked that one up,” Steph added.

“Yep, you did” Raso replied as she got up.

“Where are you going?”

“To go check on her,”

“But-” “no, that was directed at you two, and also anyone else who said something, I’m neutral territory here”.

The team was left in silence until Steph broke it “Shit, I have our Room key. We were on better terms this morning; we didn’t think she would need her own”.

“I’ll go up, give it here, she probably won’t want to stay in there tonight anyway. She can stay with me. Here Charli take Harper, I’ll be back down for her though”.

____

“Hey kid, are you okay?” Hayley asks you; she seems very hesitant, she didn’t get much else in before Mini came up.

“Rass, I’ve got it from here” Mini said, Hayley got up and left, knowing this was more of a Mini job.

Mini sat down next to you, “No, but are you okay?” she asks while putting an arm around your shoulders, a few tears escape your eyes, which you quickly and aggressively wipe away.

“I-I, I don’t know” you sigh.

“They shouldn’t have done that, they immediately regretted it, but still they shouldn’t have done that, it’s absolutely incredible that, this is happening, they should be happy for you, but I think they let their pride and hurt egos get in the way.”

“I just don’t understand how they can go from talking about how ‘amazing’ I am to then being surprised I got an offer from more than one club, and from big clubs at that.”

“Yeah, I know, I think Steph was a bit caught out, she spends so much time with you and-”

“Yeah, but it’s not like anyone knew, not even Leah”.

“Yeah, I know, I think Steph was truly caught off guard, you talk like Arsenal is your home and then just blurt out you’re thinking about moving, I don’t think she thought you had thought about it.”

“Well, Arsenal is my home, but they say home is where the heart is, and I think if you take out the players my heart isn’t there, and I just feel like things are getting too easy at Arsenal, and I want a change, I’ve been part of arsenal for so long, first through Leah, then the academy and now, I love arsenal, it will always hold a piece of my heart, but I think I need to move, I want to improve, and that’s not going to happen at Arsenal”

“Well, that was easy”.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty certain you’ve made your decision, you just need to tell Leah, and the others. Trust me, once they get over their hurt egos, and feelings of betrayal they will be happy for you, and Leah has already been caught off guard by you once”.

“Yeah okay, where is my number one supporter by the way?”

“Oh she is downstairs with Charli, I thought it was best if I left her down there so we could have an adult conversation, but I have this which you might want.” She hands you your room key, “get the stuff you’ll need for tonight and tomorrow, you can have a sleepover with harper and me tonight, she is going to be so excited.”

“Y/N/N!” Harper exclaims when she walked into her room to find you sitting there.

“Harper” you exclaim back matching her energy, she jumps into your arms, and you throw her into the air and catch her, before jumping onto the bed, “what do you want to do?”

“Ice cream?” you look over to Mini.

“Why not, let’s go”. You Mini and Harper go out to ice-cream together, as you walk past the others in the common room you just ignore them, they all seem to be sitting in an awkward silence.

“Harper, you are all sticky, where are the wipes?” you exclaim as harper smushes her sticky face into you for a hug after she had finished her ice-cream.

“Here,” Mini slides the wipes over to you.

“No don’t, hey come back here,” Mini pulls her phone out to film the two of you, harper is running around the park to get away from you and you’re chasing her with a wipe in either hand.

“Ha, got you,” you say as you grab her, proceeding to wipe her sticky face and hands.

“Park?” “You want to go play in the park?” Harper nods her head, so you take her hand and walk over to the park together, you spent most of the afternoon in the park. You pushed harper on the swings. Unsuccessfully taught her how to pump herself on the swings. You went down the slide, a few too many times. Your afternoon was finished off by teacher harper how to do the monkey bars, which she was very good at – with help of course. Mini sat at the table while you two played, she looked up every now and then to check things were okay, but she seemed to make many phone calls, usually you would ask who it was, but you were having too much fun with harper to care.

_____

“I just won’t have dinner tonight, I’ll be fine,” “No, you will be going to dinner, Tony said he wanted everyone there, especially after what happened today, and no one is allowed to leave until he has spoken to us” you huff “Come on lets go now, you can sit with us, just sit at one of the back tables, you can then sit somewhere so you don’t have to see them,” Mini said as she dragged you up.

“Here take her, go sit, I’ll get food,” Mini says handing Harper to you as you walk into the dining room,  there are only 4 people in there currently not including you three, yet somehow one of the people you really don’t want to see is standing at the food bar. You go and find a seat, Mini comes back, with food. You have finished yours, but Harper hasn’t even touched her diner, she insists you feed her, so that you do, until Mini saw something.

“Um,” “What?” “I’ll message you,” she pulls out her phone, you phone vibrates on the table, and you quickly pick it up to read her message.

Gorry: Steph just walked in, gave Sam a dirty look as she walked past and Sat down at a different table.

Your jaw drops and Mini nods her head, you make questioning eyebrows at her and she just shrugs. You two captains always sat next to each other during mealtimes, or at least at the same table, you were often seen with them too but every now and then you sat with others, trying to expand your social circle. So, the fact that they aren’t sitting together is very odd.

After everyone had basically finished their dinner Tony got up, and started to talk, “Girls, I would just like to say the behaviour today was unacceptable, and I am extremely ashamed at the actions of our captains and older teammates, if anything it was our youngest teammate who showed the most maturity by walking away. Please know that if this sort of behaviour ever happens again on camp there will be punishment, and I’m not just talking laps. Steph and Sam can I talk to you outside please, the rest of you are free to enjoy your night.”

“I can’t believe I am having to do this girl, and I still can’t believe I saw what I saw this afternoon.” Tony starts yelling at your captains not realising the door hasn’t shut completely.

“Wait what happened? Why am I not getting in trouble, he wasn’t there was he?” you ask Mini.

“I don’t know, and no he wasn’t”.

“Oh boy did you two miss something, it was kind of good you left when you did,” Macca started.

“Yeah so basically once you had gotten harper and left, Steph finally broke the really awkward silence and asked Sam why she reacted the way she did when you said Arsenal raised and then Barca and Chelsea did again, and Sam was like ‘She is only sixteen and getting paid more than me, and I’m assuming you too’, which to be honest was a low blow, like she just attacked Steph there but anyway, Steph then said ‘Well, yeah she is fucking good’, and Sam replied ‘oh course you would say that,’ Steph asked her what she meant and she was like ‘oh well she’s your little mini me, always with you, always coming to you for help, and you always drop everything to help her, you act as if she is the sun and we all revolve around her’ which obviously Steph was taken aback by and was like ‘Oh, so now I’m the bad guy for not only fulfilling my captain duties but being a nice person, you know Sam we are meant to be approachable and help our teammates especially the younger ones, and of course she comes to me for help, she’s a kid, like we joke Kyra and Charli and all that are kids but she is actually a kid, you have to take more care with her, help her more, help her understand. Just because your ego is hurt at the fact that a 16-year-old is going to get paid more than you and you don’t know how to feel because a 16-year-old is better than you doesn’t mean you can take it out on me, and you are blind if you actually were surprised that Barca and Chelsea raised their offers again, she is incredible, will be the player of her generation,’ and then Sam just scoffed and was like ‘whatever you suck up’ and then Tony walked in and got super mad and send us all to different rooms and stuff” Hayley gives you both a brief recount of the day.

“Yeah, you really did miss a lot,”

“Yeah, it seems we did,”

“But wait Steph was protecting me, I thought she was having a go at me? I think I was just so mad at Sam; I kept it going”.

“Yeah no, originally I don’t know if she was having a go or just questioning but after you left, she really did confront Sam and I mean Sam was in the wrong, Steph could’ve just dealt with it in a better way.”

_____

“I think someone is tired, should we head up?” you say, after Harper yawns, looking at Mini for confirmation who nods, you pick harper up and rest her on your hip, she puts her head on your shoulders and her eyes start to droop. Once you arrive to your room you get dressed into your Pjs and so does Harper, you both already have had your showers for the day.

A phone vibrates and look over to mini, “that was you”, so you pick up your phone to see a message from Steph.

Steph: Hey can we talk? I understand if you don’t want too.

You: Hey um yeah but it’s easier if we message, Harper has fallen asleep on top of me.

Steph: Yeah, no that’s fine, I don’t know if I’m allowed to come out of our room anyway and if you even allowed to come in.

You: Oh

Steph: But I just wanted to say sorry for what happened this afternoon, I was out of line, and I just want to apologise, I am really sorry.

You: For what happened when I was there or what you said to Sam?

You: But in all honesty, it’s okay, I was getting defensive at Sam and snapped at you when you didn’t deserve it you were just questioning. But also thank you for stepping up and confronting Sam for me even if it got you in trouble.

Steph: Wait who told you about that?

Steph: But I was just telling her the truth and really, I should’ve stopped her earlier, it shouldn’t have gotten to the point that you had to walk away.

You: It’s okay Steph, I promise I forgive you but maybe not Sam, at least not yet. She was mean to both of us.

Steph: Okay, I will make it up to you I promise.

You: Hmmm, I will think about what I want…..

Steph: I never said I would by you anything, maybe I was just going to be nice, get you out of fitness testing

You: Hey no, that isn’t nice, I looove fitness testing

Steph: Weirdo

You: Hey

You: Love you heaps, good night (well not for you but for me), see you tomorrow, I can’t wait to see you! I have so much to tell you.

You: Shit that was meant for Leah not you

You: But love you anyway, see you in the morning.

Steph: Love you, sorry again, night night

_____

You were standing at the breakfast bar contemplating your morning meal like you were contemplating life when you saw Steph walk in, you immediate walked over to her and hugged her, in which she returned wrapping her arms around you tightly as if to never let go, you could really sense her guilt, you stayed like that for at least a minute and only pulled away because Sam wanted to talk to you.

“Hey, I’m sorry for yesterday, I shouldn’t have said what I said, and I’m really sorry” she said very awkwardly.

“Okay, thank you.” You say bluntly before walking away.

“What so she is hugging you, but I don’t even get an I forgive you?”

“Well, she doesn’t like lying and I don’t think she does forgive you yet,” Steph said before walking away and following you.

[dnpbeats]

Why I Don’t Think the Secret Project™ Is a Tour—This Time With Facts!

Let me start out by saying I do think they’ve brought up another tour enough that it will happen at some point, I just don’t think it will be this soon! (Also keep in mind Dan did imply there are two things coming up in his Tweet.) That being said, obviously I could be totally wrong. But hey, if they do announce a tour in a couple of weeks, there has to be someone that gets clowned by the announcement, and I’m happy to take the fall <3 Post under cut as it's long (1.3k words 💀)

The main reason I don’t think they’re announcing a tour is timing, but I do also have something to say about the hints they’ve been dropping and why I also don’t think it necessarily points towards a tour. So, to start, let’s look at how long they spent planning TATINOF and II. In “The Making of TABINOF,” Phil says they are releasing the book (on October 8th 2015) after working on it for a year and a half, which would be April 2014. Presumably, this is around the time they started working on TATINOF as well because they were supposed to be companions. TABINOF and TATINOF were announced together on March 26th 2015, so almost exactly a year after they started planning them. Even if you want to guess that TATINOF planning started a few months after TABINOF planning, keep in mind that they originally only planned the UK leg and planned the US tour after that. The UK leg ended November 15 2015 and they announced the US leg February 26 2016. So that’s a little over two months of them planning the US leg alone, when they already had the show itself all sorted.

With II, we know they were actively planning it for about a year. Phil follows that up to say they planned it for “the majority of this year [2018],” so let’s just call it 10-11 months. More so than that, Dan said that they realized they wanted to do a second tour “halfway through” TATINOF, which in my best guess places that decision around summer 2016. This means they seriously considered doing a second tour for ~6 months before they even started planning it. 

Now, if the new project coming up is a tour, they’ve only been working on it for 6 months max. They only brought back the gaming channel 7 months ago, and we know from the end of Dan’s bday live stream that they didn’t start working on this project until they realized how many people still liked their content: “We were so shocked about how much people care about this light entertainment, sat-in-this-chair-ass content. [...] It took us by such surprise, and now we’re like, where is this going. [...] It was supposed to be a ‘let’s just do this for a bit and see what happens.’ [...] So now we find ourselves going, well okay, this channel, this content, the people, the future of it. What else are we gonna do? 'Cause it seems like there's a thing here.” 

So it’s up to you to decide when they realized that, but I think it was probably sometime in November at the absolute earliest, and then they still needed time after that to decide what they’re going to do, and then actually plan it. (And honestly, I doubt they started actively planning anything in December during gamingmas, but you never know!! Also like I said in my original post about this, Dan was still doing WAD stuff up until February and then some book promo stuff after that, so he was busy with that as well.)

So, that’s all to say, I really don’t think they’ve had time to plan an entire tour. At the very least, not a world tour, but I don’t know if they’d announce a UK-only leg and plan the worldwide tour later based on what they said about choosing to plan II all at once, rather than the split up way they did with TATINOF (also keep in mind that Dan announced WAD all at once, like d&p did with II). Idk I just don’t think they’d announce a tour without having it all planned!

Okay, so, besides the random hints that they’re busy planning something, we also have Phil’s comment about saving money in his Cactus Club post. He wrote “I also just wanted to make your cactus a lil more affordable as Dan and I get busy on what is …. next… ??” Now while this seems to imply saving up for something (hence why the membership needs to be affordable), he doesn’t outright say that. Then in his Q&A vid, he answers a question about what he’s cooking that specifically asks, “Should I save my money?” And interestingly, Phil doesn’t address the money part of the question. Now maybe he just couldn’t say anything about saving money, maybe it would've been too on-the-nose. But I’m also sure plenty of other people asked that question without asking about saving, which means he chose to specifically ignore that part. To me, it seems kinda weird to outright exclude that if the project is something people will have to pay a lot of money upfront for (i.e. tour tickets), but again that’s just my opinion.

(Also just a secondary note on Phil’s answer—he actually says, “Look, I can neither confirm nor deny something might happen in the next month.” I find the phrasing he chose really interesting. He didn’t say an announcement was coming, he said something was going to happen. Dan also never explicitly said to look forward to an “announcement,” he just said they’ve been cooking and to give it a couple of weeks. Obviously this could all mean nothing and maybe it is an announcement (whether it be for a tour or something else), but I actually think whatever the project is might be getting released not just announced. But idk!)

A moment of me speculating based on vibes (that also negates the note I just made about this potentially being a release rather than an announcement): part of me thinks this project might be something/similar to something they tried to get off the ground before but then never came to fruition! This gifset by @reunitedinterlude got me thinking about projects that they didn’t get to do for various reasons (namely COVID lol). I think one of these (either one of Phil’s ideas that he’s now brought Dan onto, or something they were trying to do together from the get go) would actually make a lot of sense for what’s getting announced. It would be something that they had already started work on, so it doesn’t take as much planning as something brand new, meaning it could be announced sooner. Additionally, I just feel like they’ve been so vague about what’s coming up, but they’ve also been super excited! They seem really proud about whatever they’ve been cooking. While I obviously think they’d be excited to do another world tour, part of me just feels like they might be this excited because it’s something new that they’ve never done before. Also, if it’s some kind of game show type thing, it would make sense that Dan said the project is a “celebration” of the gaming channel. But again this is just based on vibes lol.

In conclusion, I do think we’ll get a third Dan and Phil tour, I just don’t think it’s what’s getting announced(/released?) in the coming weeks. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the next thing they announce after whatever this upcoming thing is! If you think I’m dead wrong and actually other people have planned world tours in <6 months please let me know, I’m happy to be proven wrong bc I would love another tour :)

[hhughes]

Need Jack and Nico trying to convince her

“c’mon vi, don’t you wanna see your favourite devil in action?” nico asks with a grin, knowing jack and luke were gonna protest that statement

“okay, captain dimples, relax. we all know im her favourite devs player. right vi?” jack cuts in shoving nico lightly from their position on the couch as he leans closer to the computer screen

“sure jacky, you’re my favourite,” violet admits, looking at luke and sending him an exaggerated wink, causing the taller boy to smile slightly. god he missed her. even though he saw her at the detroit game only a few days ago.

he couldn’t describe to anyone what it was like, going from being with her 24/7 to seeing her maybe once a month, if he’s lucky. jack calls them out all the time for being “codependent” or wherever but if jack ever met a girl he wanted to spend more than one night with, he’d understand luke’s frustration.

even then, he’s not really sure jack would understand the extent of how much luke was missing her. they’ve known each other practically their entire lives and haven’t gone without seeing each other for more than three weeks max since grade 9. long distance fucking sucked, and he definitely wasn’t built for it. but he didn’t even feel like he could tell her that, because violet was a pro at just about anything she set her mind to, long distance included.

their phone calls were always filled with everything she’s been up to from classes, to dance, to coaching dance, to the big win the guys pulled off against ohio and the party afterwards. if she didn’t tell him that she missed him about 20 times during the call, he wouldn’t be able to tell that she does, probably because she’s so busy and she doesn’t even realize how much time passes before they see each other again. but luke’s busy too, and it still feels like forever for him.

sometimes it felt like she had this whole other life in michigan that he just wasn’t apart of anymore and you would think since this is their second year of long distance they would be at least a little used to it by now, but luke still gets chest pains just thinking about it.

“look guys I gotta go. I honestly don’t think I can swing it but I’ll think about it okay. just don’t get your hopes up,” violet says and all three guys nod

“even if you can’t swing the vancouver game, come to one of the home games soon then. s’a lot closer than van. i’ll fly you in myself, miss you,” jack mumbles, and violet smiles at him. her and jack had grown closer this past summer (if that was even possible) and she had missed him almost as much as her boyfriend these last few weeks.

“miss you too jacky,” violet replies and luke leans forward, reaching to grab the laptop and perching it on his lap so only he’s in the camera, despite the other two guys still sitting next to him

“okay baby. i’ll talk to you soon yeah? probably wednesday when we’re with quinn. i’m sure he’d love to say hi. i love you, get some rest,” luke says, heart squeezing when violet leans forward and kisses the camera

“miss you so much lu. and I love you so so much. i’ll text you tonight okay?” she greets, ending the call when luke nods in response.

“man I don’t know if I liked it more when you guys were oblivious to how in love you were or now that you’re so obvious about it,” jack states, fake gagging and their captain lets out a chuckle

“what was the story of you guys in high school and college anyway? i’ve heard a lot of things. . .” nico says and luke frowns at him

“heard a lot of things from who?” he asks, wondering whose been going around taking about his relationship.

“sheamo mostly. some of the guys have been asking him what you were like in college,” nico says and luke shrugs

“not much to tell really. we’re childhood friends, caught feelings, got together,” luke says and jack scoffs

“sure. you’re missing the 5 or 6 years where you guys were silently pining for one another just because you wouldn’t admit you had feelings,” jack says and luke sighs, rolling his eyes at his brother and getting up from the couch as jack begins to tell nico all the details he knows, not in the mood to stroll down memory lane on how long it took him and vi to pull their heads out of their asses.

“swear hockey players gossip more than the old ladies at grandmas weekly book club,” luke mutters, making his way to his room, planning to look at the calendar and arrange a time to fly his girl out.

[solivagant242]

losing you pt. 8

remus lupin x f!reader

warnings: strong angst, losing a relationship, blood, car accident

pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4 pt. 5 pt. 6 pt. 7

amberly is used as the MC here since i used to write a lot of fanfics with her, but feel free to self-insert or use whatever name you’d like <3

________________________________________

Amberly takes a sip from her pumpkin latte, keeping her face patient as her student rambles on about their summer vacation. She glances at the timer. Three more minutes and then this call can be over-

So I can do what? Go home and shut down?

Yeah, pretty much.

She pushes her hair back from her face. It’s still damp from her shower that morning, smelling faintly of lavender from the shampoo. Tiredness is seeping into her bones and filling her up like lead. 

I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

Her student finally tells her goodbye and Amberly clicks the end call button, leaning back in her chair and letting relief sweep over her in waves. She takes off her glasses to rub her eyes. Lately it seems like any sleep is not enough, no matter how early she goes to bed or keeps her eyes closed. 

Why am I even staying in this?

Her lips tighten. Breaking up had never been a possibility for them- seemed like one, at least. They’ve been dating since second year at Hogwarts. The thought of not being with Remus had simply never crossed her mind. He was hers, her person, who she’d thought cared about her and loved her beyond measure.

Now she’s not so sure. 

A hand slams down on the table in front of her and a yelp claws its way out of her throat as she recoils, jerking her coffee towards her and slopping it over her wrist. Amberly glares up at Sirius, her shock being replaced by annoyance. “Pads, you asshole”-

He grins at her. “Would you like some napkins? Sorry for the spill.”

She scowls. “Napkins and a signed apology, please.”

Sirius tosses his jacket over her head. “Any food?”

Amberly shoots him a death glare as she pulls the leather off her hair and throws it on the seat next to her. “I’m not hungry, thank you very much.”

Sirius’ eyes narrow. “You’re getting a sandwich.”

“I don’t want a sandwich.”

“I didn’t ask if you wanted one. I said you’re getting one.”

“I didn’t ask if I was getting one. I said I didn’t want one.”

Sirius rolls his eyes, turning on his heel and heading to the counter. “Yap, yap, yap. Too bad.”

“How are things?” asks Sirius a few minutes later, sitting across from Amberly in the booth. He runs a hand through his untidy black hair. “I bet you’re loving this cooler weather.”

Amberly nods. “I am, yeah. I can’t believe winter is coming.”

She wraps her jacket tighter around herself and Sirius narrows his eyes. He’s known Amberly for a long time now, a bit longer even than Remus has known her. And he can tell that she’s lying. 

Her eyes are dark and circled with shadows, and her skin looks paler than usual, even in the warm light of the cafe. She’s gotten thinner, too. Visibly thinner, enough for her cheekbones to be more prominent. 

Sirius pushes the sandwich at her. “Eat it.”

She scowls at him. “No.”

“Eat it or perish.”

“Perish.”

He unwraps it and shoves it into her hand, and she rolls her eyes before taking a tiny bite out of the corner. Inwardly, Sirius feels relief that she’s eating, but he knows damn well that there’s another reason she looks like she’s been awake for a century and a half.

“How’s Moony?”

The question seems to catch Amberly off guard, and she takes her time to chew and swallow before responding. “He’s okay. More used to the meds, now. I think the full moon isn’t quite as bad for him.”

Sirius tilts his head at her. “Is he? I tried calling a few days ago and he never picked up.”

“Oh.” Amberly picks at a thumbnail, not making eye contact. “He’s not the best with answering his phone and stuff”-

“Stuff it,” retorts Sirius. “This man used to stay up till two in the fucking morning so he could chit-chat with you. It won’t kill him to pick up the phone for his oldest friend”-

“He doesn’t really talk to me anymore,” mumbles Amberly. She half-hopes Sirius won’t hear it. Tears are swimming in her throat and she cannot, will not, let them out. That’s why Remus was mad at me. I was too much. I can’t do that again.

But Sirius’ sharp ears prick at the words. “What?”

She shrugs, setting down the sandwich and staring at her hands in her lap. She doesn’t trust herself to look up.

Sirius leans across the table to touch her hand. “Amberly, you know you can tell me anything, right? Are things okay with you and Moony?”

Amberly bites her lip. She can feel her eyes start to swim and swell with tears. “Things are fine.”

She can’t hide the wobble in her voice.

Sirius drapes her leather jacket over her shoulders and the tears come out, spotting her shirt all down her front and splashing onto the table. She’s shaking now, sobbing harder, and Sirius folds her in his arms and strokes her hair like a sister.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore,” she gasps finally, smearing at her eyes and leaning back. “I was too much. He said I was too clingy. I don’t want to be that again, I can’t”-

Sirius’ hands tighten around hers. “What did he say to you exactly?”

Amberly’s eyes flicker. “He told me that he didn’t want me.” Another sob wells up in her throat as she remembers those words, hurled across space to shatter her like porcelain. “That I was too clingy.”

Sirius pulls her to her feet, jaw tight and eyes dangerously bright. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” asks Amberly, trying to wipe her face and tie her hair back from where it’s sticking to the tears. “I need to pack”-

“I’m getting your stuff and then you’re coming with me to James and Lily’s. You’re not staying with Moony, staying in this state of things,” he seethes. “Not till Moony gets some sense in his head or I beat it into him.”

Amberly stumbles after him to the door.

“Can you drop me off here?” yells Amberly over the roar of the engine. 

Sirius looks back over his shoulder. They’re at the stop sign just down the street from her house, his long legs resting on the ground on either side of the motorcycle. “Why? I can take you all the way.”

She slides off the back before he can further protest. “If he’s asleep I don’t want the noise to wake him”-

He got so mad last time when Sirius drove me home. I can’t do that again. I’ll break, I know I will.

Sirius rolls his eyes as she hands him the helmet. “It won’t kill him, you know”-

Amberly shrugs, looking down. “I just don’t want there to be trouble.”

“Fine. But you better be back here in ten minutes or I’m gunning it for your driveway.”

She nods, continuing down the street to their house as Sirius pulls over to the curb.

There’s a hot, heavy pulse in her ears, and her hands feel like they’re tingling. He’ll be mad, I know he will. If he sees me…

All she can see, all she can think of, are memories of her and Remus.

The times they’d gone for night walks down this street, fingers interlocked through wooly mittens…the time they had been to the bakery and brought home fresh bread and hot chocolate…the way he’d picked her up and swung her around every time he came home…the warmth of his arms around her and his cheek on her hair…

Maybe that’s why she doesn’t hear the car coming. 

A screech of tires, a dull thud, and Amberly is on the ground. Her rich brown hair threads through the leaves in the gutter as red begins trickling over the dirt.

The driver’s face is white.

They swing the car into reverse, hands shaking, and peel away.

Amberly doesn’t move.

Two minutes later Sirius is kneeling next to her, fingers trembling as he babbles into the phone. 

“Nine-nine-nine, what’s your emergency?”

“It’s my friend. She’s dying...”

[vettelsdarling]

Hey Lissie! Another Hamilton 5+1 for you because I love the format, hehe. Straight to the point, here it is:

5 times Y/N woke up without Lewis and one time they woke up together.

I can definitely see a potential for angst and a bit of misunderstanding or yearning?! Lewis can either be a f1 driver or have it as an AU with another job! The prompt needs a good reason of “why” for the absence and I am more than certain your mind will come up with a brilliant answer. I am thrilled and again, have fun!

𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮

Lissie note… I love this prompt so much ugh!!! I changed it a slight bit to falling asleep rather than waking up (just for dramatic effect). Thank you for the prompt, love<3

Things to note

Reader is a paralegal

Lewis is frequently gone for races

They’ve been dating for 4~5 years and live together

There is a tiny age gap but it isn’t that bad

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x gf!reader

Warnings: Slight angst???

Word Count: 5.3k+

Playlist recommendations: 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒, 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭💔, 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟💗

Taglist: @allwaysalleyway, @drugged-kitkat, @darleneslane, @littlesatanicassholebitch

His arms were warm. They were comforting to lie in and snuggle into. He trailed his fingers gently through your hair, as you slowly dozed off.

That was a dream.

The cruel reality of the real world, in the form of an obnoxious iPhone alarm, woke you up. It was already 6 AM, and your routine consisted of a hefty amount of self-care. This meant that you had about 10 minutes for a shower, 50 for hair care, and 30 for skin and makeup. Breakfast was out of the question. So much for self-care.

Before you left, you made sure to feed Roscoe and give him his well-deserved cuddles. Things had been hard ever since Coco passed, but Roscoe was still a happy spirit.

You went to the garage, noticing your boyfriend’s all too famous purple Mercedes. Your heart stung for a second, but you brushed it off. It was important to support his endeavours, instead of sulking about him.

You decided to go with your vintage beetle. Driving around in it was what kept you grounded. You’d gotten it for your 18th birthday from your parents. Not from your lover.

The fact that you didn’t quit your 9-5 paralegal job was also rationalizing, you didn’t stay home and leech off of your rich man. He was more than just a wallet. He was your partner. Besides, the media had already started to suspect that he wasn’t single anymore. Though he hadn’t been for years. The two of you had met coincidentally over a cup of tea with your boss. Lewis was his client and you were the first to oversee the situation before handing him off. That was about 6 years ago. For four, the two of you had been together. You had only given him your number regarding his case, but he’d taken the opportunity to ask you out.

Now, the two of you lived together in a mansion overseeing a large forest. It was quite far from your workplace, but you didn’t really mind. Having to wake up early was a small price to pay for the tranquillity of the surroundings. Although it would’ve been more tranquil, had you had more time with your lover.

Alas, there was nothing you could do about it.

1 |  Shades Of Cool

You sat there on your dreary chair in your dreary office. The white walls hypnotized you into thinking time was going much slower than it actually was. You stared away at it for a while, before someone knocked on your door.

“Hey, can you please do these briefs? I need to clock out for a dentist’s appointment in a few minutes. I promise I’ll owe you.” You accepted the pile and started going at it. Work usually made you forget the empty feeling of not seeing him often. Sometimes you even thought of staying all night. However, for Roscoe’s sake, you never stayed past dinner time. He couldn’t be alone for too long. It wasn’t fair to the poor boy.

It took hours and hours to get through the pile. You clocked out well past midnight and stopped by a pub to pick up some food before driving home. You knew a huge “sorry” was in order for your dog. He hadn’t seen you for several hours, definitely missing you.

You had 12 missed calls from him. Even though he was on an entirely different continent, he somehow found the time to call you. 12 times no less. You decided to call him back after finishing your dinner and making yourself comfortable next to Roscoe on your sofa.

“Hello, love.” You heard from the other end of the line, as he turned his camera on. There he was. His exhausted, but beautiful face. His hair wasn’t tied up. It was relaxed and so was he.

“Hey, Lewis,” you said and turned on your camera, showing yourself next to his beloved dog,

“Roscoe’s here too.” He let out a huff, which stirred a chuckle out of your boyfriend.

“How’s work? How are you doing?” He asked, knowing that you dreaded most of your coworkers if not all. Additionally, he knew that every day was the same at the office. You handled briefs and got files in piles by your superiors. It sucked.

“It’s okay… same old same old. How’s Spain?” You were so used to staying in the UK, you’d forgotten what it was like to travel. As a paralegal, you didn’t have the luxury to do so that often.

“It’s great. Did you see the videos I sent you? This car is incredible, darling.” You hadn’t seen them for one very specific reason; your heart would clench. It would simply give out at the sight of your boyfriend. Missing him was always a big problem, but with races being back-to-back… it hurt that much more.

“I haven’t had the chance to yet, no, but I’ll check them out later.” The hesitation in your voice must’ve been apparent, as he decided to ask into it,

“Something wrong?” You didn’t want to worry him, so you told a little white lie. You were simply just tired. That was it. That was all. Knowing him, he’d worry too much to focus on driving, which was the exact opposite of what you wanted for him. Besides, it’d be selfish of you to make his work all about yourself. Gosh, you really couldn’t stand your obsessive thoughts.

“Well, I promised Valterri I’d meet him at the gym. Sleep well, darling.” You blew him a kiss goodbye before shutting off the feed and turning over. Roscoe huffed and curled up beside you. It was dead silent except for the few wind rustles you heard from the open window next to the TV. It didn’t feel tranquil. No, you were lamenting the thought of being alone for so long. You hated it. It wasn’t an issue during the day. You had chores and you had work to do, but in the evenings when everything always gets quieter— your mind gets louder.

Roscoe was sleeping soundly next to you. Your hand stroked him gently whilst you scrolled through your Instagram feed. Naturally, you ended up on Lewis’ page. He was highly selective of who he was following. You, however, were amongst the few that he did. A smile spread across your face like room-temperature butter would be spread on a piece of bread. You didn’t appear much on his feed, as you liked being private. Though the posts you did appear in, all had captions with romantic undertones. You really were in love with that man.

I can’t break through your world, ��cause you live in shades of cool…

2 | Sad Girl

The sun had already come to greet you. It was an early Saturday morning, which would’ve been peaceful— had you not forgotten about the LSATs. You woke up on the sofa that you’d passed out on the night before. Dried drool decorated the corner of your lip. What time was it? You checked your phone, only to realize that your battery was low and the test was in an hour. The sudden sound of your phone ringing sent you scrambling to answer it.

“Hey, are you on your way? I studied all night… Hopefully, we can do this.” Your friend, who usually sat in the cubicle opposite you, whined. She wasn’t a strong test taker, based on the fact that it was her 5th time taking the LSATs. 7 and she’d be all done. No more chances. In comparison to her, you were going in for the first time. You’d studied, but you had no idea how the whole thing would turn out. The tests only got harder and harder every year.

“I am, I am. The traffic is just insane at the moment. I’ll see you there.” You hung up and swiftly ran around the house to get ready. Roscoe was reasonably confused at the rush you were in. You kissed his wrinkly forehead before shutting the door behind you.

For nostalgic reasons, you decided to take Lewis’ purple Mercedes. It was the only one of its kind, so it’d make sense if some people recognized it. You didn’t care. It felt like Lewis was still with you, even if he was in an entirely different country. Speak of the devil, your phone buzzed. One message from him… “Good luck with the LSATs, darling”. Your heart clenched. You missed him so.

Traffic turned out to be light and breezy. Luckily, you made it in time for the test. Being a paralegal had its benefits, but it was and would always be a step below the real deal. You weren’t a real lawyer until you took the LSATs. Then, there was the deal with the bar exam as well. That was another story.

“Did you do good? I croaked. I’m toast. I’ll have to take it again…” said your defeated friend and munched down on her lunch that she brought.

“I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t really care at this point…” Of course, you did, but your mind was too occupied by the absence of your lover to hold an actual conversation. He expected you to tune in on his races whenever you had time to do so, but the fact of the matter was— you never could. It made your heart ache with longing. A painful longing for him to come back home. Especially on weeks when the race weekends were happening back-to-back. 

“I guess you don’t need to worry. You’ve got your boyfriend’s money to take care of you.” Although you barely listen to all of her blabbering about the test, that particular thing got through to you.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah. You’re literally dating a celebrity. You’re set,” she chuckled.

“Do you actually think you’re being funny right now?” She likely didn’t mean any harm, but with your pent-up agony and rage, it was hard not to let loose on her.

“Calm down, I was only kidding…” You’d made a scene. You were uncomfortable, things were awkward, and the only place your mind wandered to was Lewis.

“You know what, I’m sorry. I’m just really tired after the test. How about we catch up soon? I need to head home.” Your heart was pounding rapidly in your chest as you put the keys in the ignition. It almost felt as if you were an irrational teenager again. His absence did a number on you. It wasn’t always like that though. Throughout the previous season, he would always do whatever he could to see you in person. Whether it was bringing you with him, or flying back home. As the following season started, the two of you realized how unethical and harmful the solutions were to the environment. Coupled with the fact that you were trying to become a lawyer, there was no way to see him. No way to be held by him. No way to fall asleep in his arms.

That night, you stared into the ceiling for what felt like hours. The spot next to you was empty. Completely untouched. The sound of the gentle wind rustling the trees outside helped your brain work its wild imagination. Vivid pictures of Lewis played over and over and you couldn’t help but feel as though the two of you weren’t meant to be. You had conflicting schedules and you couldn’t just take a weekend off every week to go with him to his races. He couldn’t stay for your sake either. He had a job to do. A job that millions of people depended on for their entertainment. Were you an obstacle? All these thoughts drove into your heart like a stake. You wept. It was inevitable. You’d tried to not do so because you knew he wouldn’t want that… but it was hard. Too hard. Your vision was blurry and the sounds of the nature surrounding you were dimming slowly. You were falling asleep.

You haven’t seen my man…

3 | Off To The Races

Sunday morning was brutal. You woke up with a pounding headache due to having cried yourself to sleep. The sun made your situation much worse, blinding you as you tried to get out of bed. Upon checking your phone, you saw a slew of unread messages from your beau. All of them were minutes apart, making it clear that he’d been trying to reach you throughout the evening.

21:30- Hey, you’re not answering your phone, so I just wanted to text you instead. How are you?

21:55- Are you there? You’re usually not asleep at this hour…

22:45- I suppose you may be busy or asleep. In that case, sleep well baby❤️

22:46- Call me whenever you wake up

“Fuck,” you sighed and went to the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror seemed unfamiliar. You didn’t look like yourself at all. No, that wasn’t you. The face looking back at you had swollen eyes and redness coating the corners. Its mascara had been running and dried, giving the face a crustier look. It felt as if you were some little kid who couldn’t stand to be alone for the day, whilst their mother went out to buy groceries. It was embarrassing.

After feeding yourself and Roscoe, cleaning yourself up, and doing chores around the house— you decided that you’d turn on the TV to watch your boyfriend. You were too late for lights out, as they were on their 10th already. It didn’t matter though, for Lewis was in the lead. He had mentioned how good his car was, but you didn’t imagine a 20-second gap. It was pure insanity. 

Finishing on top, he ran to embrace the team with a smile. The cameraman followed his every move, and as he did so; Lewis came up to him and stared directly into the lens.

“I love you,” he said. Your heart keeled over and you felt your tear ducts get to work again. It was impossible to watch the rest of the celebration. You shut it off and went to calm yourself down. Breathing heavily in front of the bathroom mirror made you feel like a fool. Love made you weak, but it was a good kind of weak whenever your darling was around.

After a hearty nap, you woke up to your phone buzzing itself off your nightstand.

“Hello?” Your voice was jagged and rough from just having woken up.

“Are you okay? You’re not sick, are you?” His voice was breathy and exhausted. Physically, he was obviously worse off than you.

“Hey, no-yeah, I’m okay. I saw you out there today. You did so great, Lew.” His nickname was one that he adored. The way it rolled off your tongue made his heart flutter with joy.

“I’m glad you saw it. Did you… see the celebration?” He was obviously referring to the message he left for the camera. Your heart pumped faster and faster with adrenaline.

“I-uh… I did…”

“So?”

“I love you too. You know I do.” So much so that it hurt that he wasn’t next to you with his arm around your neck. You wanted to lean against his shoulder as he read you stories that his mother used to read to him. Fuck, it hurt.

“When are you coming back?”

“We still have a few things to do here. Thursday? I’ll be home for two weekends after that.” It was better than nothing, though hearing him say it felt like a long time. 

“I understand… I just hope you maybe miss me as much as I miss you?” Yeah, you stooped to that level. Your desperation was starting to reveal itself. Layer by layer.

“Are you insane? Not a second goes by without my thoughts being consumed by you. All I’ve ever thought of this weekend has been you. Staying safe for you, training hard for you, winning… for you.” For a moment, he almost sounded frustrated. But it was just a mask for how deeply he felt for you. The two of you sat in the same boat, rocking through the crashing tides of longing together. Each move was careful to not let the other drown.

“Are you crying?” He asked, careful not to step on any thorns.

“No…” you replied with a slight sniffle, signalling that you obviously were.

“It’s okay, I’m right here. I’ll be back home before you know it.” You wanted to hug him. You needed it so badly.

I’m your little scarlet, starlet, singin’ in the garden. Kiss me on my open mouth…

4 | Video Games

It was Monday, which meant that you could be distracted by your otherwise unforgiving job. Being a paralegal, your duties often consisted of briefs upon briefs which took up most of your 8 hours. You were crammed into a small cubicle with little to no space for any of your personal possessions. You’d hung a few pictures of Lewis and yourself and that was about it.

You stared into the dull computer screen, feeling the existential dread looming over you for every number you typed in. Your eyes were basically goo and the bags dragging them down were more apparent than ever. It would’ve been a pitiful sight for your coworkers if you weren’t surrounded by walls. 

“Hey you, wanna grab lunch together? Same place as always. It’s on me this time… since I owe you.” Even an invite to free food wasn’t enough to fully pull you out of your trance. You slowly forced your sluggish head to turn and meet your friend’s. The look of horror etched onto her face was enough to let you know you needed to get outside. 

“Sure… I guess.” You dragged your feet along the floor as you followed her to the elevator and outside.

“Is it Lewis again or shitty briefs?” She put in her sunglasses and led the way, locking her arm with yours to not look like she was dragging you against your will.

“Honestly? Both. I don’t get why I keep missing him this much, and I don’t get why some briefs suck that bad.” Lewis was one thing and briefs were more of a frustration. Nothing to cry over, really. You generally enjoyed what you did, so there was rarely anything to complain about. The job was cushy and allowed a lot of free time after hours. Team building exercises were scarce, but not to the point where conflicts arose every day. It was fine.

“We’ll have our usuals,” she said to the waitress.

“Look, you can’t control every aspect of your life. It’s meant to be unpredictable. Briefs suck sometimes, you’re going to feel bad about your boyfriend being gone— c’est la vie.” You knew she pulled that straight out of a podcast. At least the general gist of it.

“Whatever. I guess you’re right, that’s life.” You were just about to jump into a different topic when you heard Lewis’ ringtone from your purse.

“Sorry, I have to take this. I’ll be right back.” You scurried off to the restroom to take the call.

“Lewis? Why are you calling?” A bit harsh with his lack of context.

“Am I not allowed to call my girlfriend who, by the way, is very missed?” Just hearing his voice brought back the life that all those briefs drained you of.

“Of course you are… I’m just out for lunch right now.” You felt like a schoolgirl sneaking off to the bathroom to call your beau.

“Sorry, I forgot you usually do that. I was just checking in to say hi before I go in for a meeting.” His voice was so happy-go-lucky, it made you wonder if he missed you as much as you did him.

“… when are you coming back?” You heard a sigh on the other end,

“They’re keeping me here until Wednesday. I’m really sorry, babe.”  Of course. It was as if they didn’t want him to go home. Whilst you supported his job and did whatever you could do to show it— you wanted nothing more than for him to stop everything and be with you.

“It’s okay, we can wait. You should focus on your stuff, okay? Good luck with the meeting, Lew.” Luckily, he wasn’t able to see your face. It didn’t match your uppity voice.

“Thanks. See you soon.”

“Bye.”

You left the bathroom and went back to the table where your friend had begun eating. You followed suit and got back to the office after you finished.

After hours, you stopped by a deli to grab a sandwich to eat for dinner. Roscoe greeted you at the door with a huff and followed you to the dining room. The entire house felt empty without your other part to fill it with joy.

That night was another filled with tears and running mascara.

Pull up in your fast car. Whistling my name…

5 | Go Go Dancer

Your depressive slump had faded after the realization that you only had to survive one more night without him. You decided to call in sick and cash in on a few hours for yourself. It was going to be a personal day. You needed to pamper yourself. 

Your eyes were still bloodshot from all the crying, but your soul was cleansed of any negativity. Your favorite playlist was on and you began your day of treating yourself like royalty. All of your skincare was out on your vanity and Roscoe sat in the bed behind you. A warm bath was the first thing you did. Whilst flicking on a rom-com, you sat and soaked in the lavender-infused water. Thereafter, you retreated back to your bedroom. Your hair was up in rollers and your bathrobe clung tightly to your damp body.

Today was a day with no briefs, no worries, no salty bosses or annoying clients. You had all the time in the world for yourself. You ordered brunch and whilst you were waiting for it to arrive, you finished your skincare and makeup. After finding something to wear, you picked up the food from the awestruck delivery guy. He complimented your garden and your house. If there was one thing you enjoyed, it was gardening with Lewis. The two of you had worked tirelessly to make the front yard look perfect.

You ate quickly, drying your hair and styling it afterwards. Roscoe was fed and you were already through most of the day. 

You pulled out your nail kit from your stash of beauty products and laid out a protective layer on your bed. The playlist kept shuffling through some of your favourites. A gorgeous purple colour appeared before you under the tons of polishes you had. It was perfect and you knew Lewis would love it too. Not that you did it for him. You brushed layer after layer until you were satisfied with the result. It was glossy and simple. Just purple. Sophisticated, but not boring. The process was repeated on your toes as well.

After that, you decided it was time for some movies and popcorn. Lewis never really enjoyed things like popcorn, only ever allowing himself some dark chocolate with his espresso out on the veranda. So, you had to go out to get some. Since you lived quite remotely, you had to drive for a bit before the nearest store appeared. It was worth it though because you spent most of that night with comfortable blankets, popcorn, and bad rom-coms.

Roscoe was beside you all throughout the night, keeping you company with his huffs here and there. Pure tranquillity was what it was, and you couldn’t wait to do the same with Lewis the next evening.

The current movie had to be paused though, as you heard your phone ringing. It was your coworker.

“Hey? What’s up?” You asked, trying to sound hoarse.

“I just wanted to know if you were okay. Heard you were sick.” It sounded like she wasn’t fully sober and on public transport as well.

“Are you drunk?”

“No- yes- you tell me. We just went out for a drink after work today.” She was very clearly slurring her words beyond sensibility.

“We have work tomorrow, why would you ever do that?” Nobody had the guts to do something like that when your job consisted of aiding clients in stressful financial or legal situations.

“We don’t, actually. All of us were just fired on the spot today. He fired us all,” she chuckled and let out a hiccup.

“What?! What’s that supposed to mean?” Your heart sank. Your job… it was just gone.

“Yeah… I don’t know. I think he was in debt or something. Couldn’t keep it going so he decided to sink us all down with him.” You always pictured the CEO as someone with gravitas and money, but apparently, it was all a front.

“What do we do? Can’t we report it to HR somehow? Sue him for wrongful termination?” Admittedly, as calm and collected you usually kept yourself with work-related issues— you were panicking.

“There’s nothing we can do at this point. The entire company has gone to shit. Wouldn’t want to go back there if I was given a raise.” It sounded like she got off the bus, as you heard the doors open.

“You’re lucky you have Lewis. He can take care of you, right?” There was that dreaded guilt of leeching off of your boyfriend. It was a fear that kept gnawing at your ankles, eventually making it to your throat, knowing you had just lost your job.

“I… I don’t know what to say right now. I’ll call you later when I’ve thought about all of this. See you.” There was nothing more to say. It stung that you were in a position where Lewis had to take you under his wing. It felt wrong. It felt criminal.

You really couldn’t catch a break no matter how hard you tried. Something always prevented you from enjoying life as it came.

… and that night you didn’t sleep at all. You stayed up all night contemplating what to do, whether to sue, whether to leave Lewis and tell him to live a good life?! You were going insane. Embarrassment consumed every fibre of your being. The thought that you would depend on him for your survival…

I'm the girl next door, let me come in. I know I go-go dance but I do it for kicks. I never have to work ‘cause my daddy is rich…

+1 | Once Upon a Dream

You’d fallen asleep in the late afternoon after working on a lawsuit against your former boss. It didn’t matter if you’d get it thrown out of court. You just wanted to fight as much as you could. Your great lawyer friend agreed to help you out, representing both himself and you in the case.

Lewis tried to call you several times with no answer. He wasn’t one to worry about you, since he trusted you and knew you wouldn’t do anything stupid. He disregarded it and tried to enjoy his flight home. He was exhausted and just wanted to come home to his little family.

You usually called him before he’d take off, assuring him that you’d be waiting for him at the airport. However, this time was different. You didn’t call and you didn’t answer. His options were limited, forcing him to take public transport. He didn’t want to call a taxi, as they’d be able to note his address and could potentially put you in danger.

People took pictures and some asked him for signs. He didn’t mind it, though he was falling in and out of sleep. When he got off his stop, he decided to walk the rest of the way. The weather was fair and didn’t look like it would change for a while.

On his way, he stopped by a florist to buy you a bouquet of your favourite flowers. He knew you loved having them on the dining table to show any guests.

He wasn’t far away and could see the garden of your house from afar. Meanwhile, you were still buried under your blankets with the lawsuit on your laptop on the coffee table in front of you.

The sound of the front door clicking and closing could be heard, but you were too far gone in your sleep to notice. He called out your name with no response. You weren’t in the bedroom. You weren’t in the kitchen. No, there you were. Your face was buried in the arm on the sofa and the TV was still playing a movie he remembered watching with you some time ago. He saw your laptop, reading some of the contents that were visible on the screen. It didn’t quite make too much sense, but he didn’t want to pry in case it was private.

“Hey… I’m home.” He shook you gently and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. Being something of a light sleeper, it woke you up almost instantly.

“Lewis?” Your eyes fluttered open, as you had to adjust to the light. You saw the face of your lover and embraced him in an instant,

“Oh, I missed you!”

“I missed you too, darling.” He stroked the back of your head as it rested on his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come get you, I was caught up with work and I fell asleep.” It wasn’t a lie per se. It worked… sort of.

“It’s fine. It’s completely fine. You seem distressed, are you alright?” There was nothing you could hide from him. One way or another he’d find out anyway.

“I lost my job. We were all fired.” He was almost as shocked as you were the night before,

“Are you serious? Why?”

“My best guess? The company was sinking.” You sighed and picked up your laptop. The document already contained 3 sections and 15 pages. You were, however, far from done.

“My friend and I are trying to sue. I’m not sure if it’ll hold up in court though.” Your face looked droopy and sad, something Lewis hated.

“You know what? It’s going to be okay. I know it seems rough, and it is. But look on the bright side. We can find you a better job. Better pay, better equity. Plus, for the time being— you could come along to my races. We wouldn’t need to be separated all the time.” He was right. Your job was cushy, but it had its faults regarding exactly the issues he pointed out. The feeling of missing him constantly didn’t bode well with you either. It was a win-win, really. You weren’t actually depending on him, because it didn’t hurt to ask for help every now and then. Especially when the two of you were so in love.

“Yeah… that’d be nice, actually. I do need to file this lawsuit though. I need it.” Lewis nodded in agreement and smiled,

“Of course, love. You do what you need to do. I’ll be here to help.” You closed the laptop and smiled back at him,

“I think we should cook some dinner. What do you have in mind?”

“Anything. It tastes amazing as long as you make it anyway.” The flattery never stopped. As cheesy as it was— you loved the sentiment.

“Right. I’ll see if we have some rotten eggs and spoiled milk in the fridge,” you joked and he chuckled,

“I love you, darling.”

“I love you too, Lew.”

That night, you fell asleep with his arms wrapped around you and your head on his chest. You could hear how his heartbeat synced with yours. This was complete tranquillity, and you couldn’t believe that this would be your reality for a long time now.

I know what you’ll do. You’ll love me at once. The way you did once upon a dream…

𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻…

𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚!

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚’𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩! (𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙤𝙣, 𝙥𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙚 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨, 𝙙𝙢𝙨, 𝙤𝙧 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙨: 𝙒𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙙𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧(𝙨) 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚(𝙨) 𝙤𝙛 𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙨 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙜𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣.) (Please note that just liking the taglist will not put you on it!)

[sirwow]

More AvA/AvM thoughts and a longer rambling under the cut to get my thoughts out

Admittedly this is all going to come out of the blue but that is my fault for saying nothing about a year old hyperfixation till now. Anywho!

The color gang coming from the online world where all the other sticks live has been in my head since we saw the outside world. Yes they’re way more vibrant then most there but purple and their parents are also a very vibrant trio. So I have my thoughts on the four. Obviously don’t have any parents around (wasn’t my fault for once shocker /lh) and are most definitely not related really. So it gives me the thought of the 4 always being friends since they were small and fighting/playing is just what they usually did with no parents figures other then a care taker.

But then how’d they get on the stick fight site? Well considering it was not until AvA 4 when we saw them they most definitely saw other famous stick fights that wanted to make them be part of it. Hell in AvYT we see at the end they all just wanted to watch epic stick fights. So yeah thought I’d they basically ganged together to make their own site to show off their epic fights together while also living in said site together. Worked well.

Then a certain someone broke down the wall one day and they were like damn this is kinda neat. Kept the site of course it is their literal home but after more and more or AvM they considered the PC, TSC and Alan more as their home and so started staying there more. The little Minecraft houses, finding interests outside of just fighting, and living out their fantasies with the power of minecraft.

They’re still all identical looking for a long time though. I think the accessories I draw them with were drawn by TSC as gifts but not until after AvM 30. They’ve learned so much more at that point about themselves I could imagine being identical as each other and just being “them sticks that fight” still gets a bit old. Course’ they can take off the accessories when they feel so but kept them in the back pocket. TSC hasn’t felt any feeling to change their looks so he hasn’t.

Well then anywho it’s very late and though I have more AvA thoughts I need to contain them for when it’s not 3 in the morning ! So instead some smaller stuff Iv noticed while obsessively observing episodes and shorts (mostly Blue because I heart blue)

Blue unlike the rest of the color gang is very… plain. And I don’t mean this in a negative sense. It’s more a lesser degree of creativity from him on most accounts. He’s not very creative in his solutions most the time and has very straightforward solutions to issues that in his mind are straightforward. Break an axe? Make a new one. Gotta go fast? Drugs Potions that make you faster. Yeah there’s cooking but he never really does anything creative with it outside of adding nether warts like the lil freak /pos he is. Follows a written recipe and taught lesson.

It’s a quiet aspect of him I only really noticed a few days ago. Not that this is a negative aspect again but something that makes him stand out more!

Now then uhh smaller random stuff I just always like. Lush Caves ep, Red realizing oh god he can’t win this fight Vs TSC and started running from them instead. Always makes me boowomp a little thinking about it since Red is kinda the younger usual happy go lucky prankster. TSC I know you’re also young and stressed but continuing to get his ass was NOT the way man,,

Last thought, King just trying to avenge his son only to come out of the situation with like 6 new adoptive kids is very funny to me. They say vengeance is a life well lived so I guess he got vengeance 6 times over. Ok gn (ecplodes)

[irisbleufic]

Of all the current Devil’s Minion writers your playlist is the one I want to see. Do you have one? If not, are there particular songs you’ve been listening into to while you write? The vibe of your prose with them is hypnotizing like the short story about them in the books, it’s impressive, and does your music also inform this choice if at all?

Intense question, anon. Fourteen-year-old me fucking hyperventilated after reading the DM chapter in Queen of the Damned (me, on the floor of my bedroom at 3am because I don’t want to get caught reading this book, staring dazed at the ceiling; me, now, three weeks ago, sitting shellshocked on the sofa after watching S1 and S2 over two days as a binge; me, over two of those weeks following the binge, rereading the first half of the Chronicles and starting to see double, tilt the prism, see what happens when the narratives are overlaid and blurred), and it still feels like that. Likely my prose turning out the way it is in these stories is about 90% my giddy teenage self having access to my adult self’s writing experience to finally write this beloved pairing without fear of litigious letters (IYKYK, my fellow elder Millennials in the fandom). I don’t often love film and TV adaptations of my favorite books, but I adore this show. It’s flawlessly transformative; its improvements only make the resonances and overlaps that much more meaningful. No notes.

However, I have been listening to the same small handful of songs on repeat for 6 days as I write these pieces. I imagine they are affecting my sense of scansion at points; my writing life didn’t begin with fiction, it began with years of poetry before I ever tried prose. These tracks are as meaningful to me as poems as they are songs. It’s as good a starting point for a playlist as any; I’ll keep adding and put it together on Spotify at some point.

1. Vesuvius - Sufjan Stevens

Vesuvius, I am here

You are all I have

Fire of fire, I'm insecure

for it is all been made to plan

Though I know I will fail

I cannot be made to laugh

for in life as in death

I'd rather be burned

than be living in debt

This song was my entire first 72 hours of writing. I’m that Autistic weirdo who will listen to a single song on repeat for a month and think nothing of it. Villa of the Mysteries in Pompeii being the nexus point of their love story from beginning to end in QotD, this is everything to me; I was never going to be able to write about the show incarnation of them without integrating this location and this imagery in the most reverent love letter I know how. This is why my series title for these stories is Caldera. Volcanic crater blowout if ever I saw one; I ran with it.

2. I Forget Where We Were - Ben Howard

Hello love, my invincible friend; hello, love, the thistle and the burr. For you, I have so many words—and I, I forget where we were. I haven’t known this song for all that long in the grand scheme, but it found me via Spotify shuffle in 2022 right after something awful happened. The longing in this song hinges on one of the lovers in it waking up to something they’ve forgotten about their relationship, something precious, and I’m thrilled to finally have a fandom application for it.

3. Make You Better - The Decemberists

I sung you your twinges

I suffered you your tattle-tales

and when you broke sideways

I wanted you, I needed you, oh

to make me better

Oh, to make me better

But we're not so starry-eyed anymore

like the perfect paramour you were in your letters

And won't it all just come around to make you

let it all un-break you to the day that you met her

No excuse for this one; it does a great job of speaking for itself. Front-man Colin Meloy is one of my all-time favorite songwriters, and his work is frequently dark, creepy, and/or gothic enough in flavor that I could find a few more.

4. Song to the Siren - Elisabeth Fraser & This Mortal Coil

On the floating shipless oceans

I did all my best to smile

till your singing eyes and fingers

drew me loving to your isle

and you sang, “Sail to me,

sail to me, let me enfold you—

here I am, here I am,

waiting to hold you.”

This cover of Tim Buckley’s folk masterpiece completely transforms the vibe of the song, and in the kind of way you need for this pairing. This one is at responsible for the events and imagery in my “Still Life with Sunken Treasure.”

5. Hal - Yasmine Hamdan, Only Lovers Left Alive OST

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اطلعي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي شرّفي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وطلعت يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اتريحي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتلحلحي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وسمعت يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اتفرفشي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي قربي

لأ ما أقدرشي

فرشنا يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اقلعي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتجرأي

لأ مش ممكن

شلحنا يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اتغندريله

يا حبيبتي اتذوقيله

افهمي يا سيدي مش قادرة

وطبعا تقنعني مش واخدة

ايه يا عزيزة؟

ايه اللي إنتي عملاه ده؟

يا يا يا راجل يا هوه!

مش عيب عليك اختشي ونو

لأ ما أقدرشي

لأ مش ممكن

يا عزيزة اخلعي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي اتشخلعي

لأ مش ممكن

يا خيبتي يا ناس، مغلوبة يا ناس

يا عزيزة اتبغددي

لأ ما أقدرشي

يا حبيبتي جربي

لأ ما أقدرشي

وجينا يا ناس، غلبنا يا ناس

جينا يا ناس، غلبنا يا ناس

I don’t think the Arabic justified to the correct side when I copied this, but the translation is very easy to find. I don’t speak Arabic, but honestly the English translation is dull compared to the beauty of this language. If you haven’t watched Only Lovers Left Alive, what the hell are you even doing with your vampire-loving, monster-fucking life? All the tracks on it have the right vibe for DM, really.

[shou-jpeg]

-Back on the Beat-

Part 4. 06

One year later

November 19th, 9:50pm 

Kim hits a high note and the crowd goes wild. 

He’s sweaty and high on adrenaline, approaching the end of his largest show yet. 

It’s only a few hundred people, but it’s also a sold out show, and Kim still feels a little overwhelmed with that knowledge.

Porchay is in the crowd. 

He had walked into their apartment five weeks ago and announced to Kim that he was going to celebrate the end of his first year of university by devoting himself wholly to being WiK’s #1 fan; a job he then applied himself to with as much, if not more gusto than he applied himself to studying medicine. 

He looks ridiculous right now, dressed head to toe in unofficial, homemade WiK merch. He’s also holding a handmade sign above his head and Kim has to stop himself from smiling like an idiot every time he looks over at him so his fans don’t start rumours.

They'd agreed to keep their relationship on the down-low, for now. Only while Kim builds his audience, since being single sells.

He holds Chay’s gaze throughout the entirety of the song they wrote together and the people around Chay are definitely noticing. Kim isn’t doing a very good job at being subtle, he thinks.

Oh well. 

He’s exhausted, but he raises his arms over his head and makes a heart with his fingers to thank his audience as he closes the set. The crowd goes wild once more and Chay is giggling into his hand over something.

He’s so cute. 

He’s probably laughing at Kim though, Kim thinks warily. 

~~~

A few days later, Chay announces that a photo of Kim from his concert is going viral on twitter and is doing wonders to boost his popularity both nationally and internationally. Something about people thinking he’s cute?

Kim considers how much he can press and the wary way the bodyguards back at the compound look at him when he walks past. 

He’s definitely not cute.

Porchay won’t let him see his phone though, and he can't be bothered to check himself.

Whatever. So long as it’s getting him good reviews.

May 23rd, 6:05pm - a few months earlier

“I think Jimbo likes you more than me now.”

Porchay scoffs. “That’s just because I’m the one who feeds him most of the time. You’re always out these days, being all popular and in demand. What will we do when you become proper famous?”

“You don’t like having a popular boyfriend?” Kim pouts, turning to look at Porchay from where he lies on the bed, watching him play with their cat. Porchay only moved in last week, yet he’s taken on being a cat parent like nothing else. Kim has barely even cleaned the litter this past week. It’s been a weird disruption to his daily routine, but it has given him a lot less to worry about with his increasingly erratic schedule. 

He released the song they wrote together last month and it hit the national top 10. He’s had three different studios reach out, wanting to sign him. 

Kim tries not to think about it too much; it’s too overwhelming, how good he feels about it. The bars he usually performs in are starting to become too small for the crowd that he draws. 

He should probably hire a manager. 

Porchay looks up at him. “P’Kim as your biggest fan, I could not be more thrilled to be dating my idol. It’s like I’m living inside of a fanfiction.”

Kim hums, hesitant.

“Does that mean we get to live happily ever after?”

It’s way too soon, they’ve only been together six months. Kim was ready to spend his life with Chay from the moment Chay unblocked him, but he’s pretty sure there are rules around these things. 

Kim isn’t good at this. Porchay told him so himself… though he was smiling at him fondly when he did. 

He’s smiling that same smile at him again now. 

“Yeah,” Chay says, soft. “We get to live happily ever after, p’Kim.”

February 10th, 9:28am

“I want to study medicine.”

Porsche looks at him with almost comical surprise, and Porchay tries not to laugh at his expression.

They’re out at their new weekly brunch date together, and Chay has been waiting for the right moment to bring this topic up. He’s spent a lot of time over the past few months, both on his own and with Kim’s help, figuring out what he wants to do with his future. He’s feeling pretty confident in his choice, but he hasn’t even begun looking at universities yet and enrollments are coming up soon. 

“I’m not sure what field I want to specialise in yet, but I’ve thought a lot about it and medicine feels like the right direction for me. I should have at least a year of classes before I have to choose my field - I want to feel it out a little and see what feels right for me. I was hoping you could help me look at university courses?”

Porsche puts his fork down and settles back, serious but obviously trying to hold back his glee. “Of course, Chay. We can get you into any university you want.”

“No!” Chay interrupts him, “I want to get in on my own merit. I only want help finding a good course… please…”

Porsche smiles at him, big and wide and happy. “You can do it! Come around here, let’s start now!”

Chay gets up and moves around to join Porsche on his side of the table, bringing his phone with him. 

“Okay, so I’ve already been looking at a couple courses. Tell me what you think, hia…”

February 6th, 11:39pm

“What about some sort of doctor?”

Porchay looks up at Kim. 

They’ve been going through lists upon lists of career ideas and quizzes and self help guides. It’s been nearly four hours and Porchay really shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was with the seriousness and intensity at which Kim approached the task. 

Kim loves solving cases and sorting through things. It’s something Porchay discovered recently, and even though the topics themselves sometimes aren’t so cute, the way Kim gets when he has something to solve in front of him definitely is. 

He reaches over to smooth the little furrow between Kim's brows. “What kind of doctor?”

“I don’t know. You said before that you wanted to do something to help people, but didn’t put your own self at risk.” He's right, but it’s also a little left field. All the results from Porchay’s quizzes have pointed him in the direction of something creative, and they haven’t done much research outside of creative careers yet. 

Doctor. 

Porchay thinks about Porsche and his new, scary job. He thinks about Kim and his tendency to push himself too hard. 

He thinks about Khun, and Kinn and all the bodyguards.

Doctor. 

Yeah. Something about that feels right.

January 26th, 10:45am

It’s their two month anniversary and Porchay is nearly jumping on his heels as he waits in the lobby of Kim's building. Kim approaches slowly, trying to look cool and not at all as nervous as he feels inside. 

Chay has been secretive about today, only telling Kim to keep his schedule completely clear. He's been distracted every time they've seen each other over the past couple of weeks abd Kim has had to put a surprising amount of effort into not trying to suss out what Chay has been planning for them. 

An effort that proved even more challenging when Khun's crytic texts began rolling in even couple of days.

Of course it turns out Khun was on the money with everything. As usual.

“You never use it, so I stole it back the other week and made you this.”

November 28th, 10:35am 

“I’m a little nervous.” Chay is sitting across from him, boba tea in hand and a light flush to his cheeks. 

They’re at their usual boba tea spot, but it’s also their first date.

Kim is feeling the same. 

“Mmmm.”

Chay laughs at him lightly. “P’Kim! Are you nervous too? You’ve hardly said anything since we got here.”

Kim takes a moment to consider, looking up from his tea at Chay’s slowly growing smile. 

“...mmmm.” Chay laughs loudly enough that a few people around them turn in their direction. Kim smiles. 

Success.

THE END

< Prev - First - Extras >

Playlist

[ghostinthelibrarywrites]

Let's not overanalyze

The first chapter of a belated fill for @palasakiweek, set in my Ministry of Supernatural Investigations AU. You can read the first chapter below or here on AO3.

Prompt: Day 6: AU

Rating: T

Word count: 4K.

Warnings: none

Relationships: Crystal/Niko; Edwin & Niko; Edwin & Crystal

Summary: When Niko starts a job as an analyst at the MSI after barely leaving her flat for two years, she has no idea what to expect. She’s not expecting to find out that vampires, ghosts, and other supernatural entities are real. She’s especially not expecting Crystal Palace Surname-von Hoverkraft, the gorgeous and somewhat terrifying agent who she can’t stop thinking about.

***

Niko stares at the blank white wall of her brand new office. There’s a tiny dent right at her eye level, but besides that, it’s an expanse of nothingness, like no one has ever stepped foot in here before. She wanted to bring some posters to hang up today, but that seemed overly optimistic when she doesn’t even know what her brand new job entails, or if she even has a job. She isn’t entirely convinced that the slow slide into losing her mind that started when her dad died two years ago hasn’t finally caught up with her. Everything about being in this strange room in this strange building seems a little surreal.

Before last night, she hadn’t even heard of the MSI when her godmother called to tell her that she got Niko a job as an analyst and she would start in the morning. Niko doesn’t know what the MSI does, or even what the acronym stands for. She thinks it might be like MI6, but what would an agency like MI6 want with a uni dropout who hasn’t left her flat in two years?

Maybe it was a mistake to call Auntie Niko and ask her for help finding a job, but it had been two years since she’d left her flat for more than a few minutes at a time, the money she inherited from Dad was starting to run out, she knew what would happen if she called her mother back in Osaka and asked her to send money so Niko could keep hiding out in her flat, and Auntie did always say to call if she needed anything. She doesn’t actually know what Auntie does for the British government. Not even her mother knows, and they’ve been best friends since they met at boarding school when they were girls. Auntie could work for MI6, for all Niko knows, though it’s hard to imagine.

Niko wonders if she should start unpacking the small box of things she brought—her heart-shaped stationary, her favorite sparkly pens, the Scooby Doo plushie Auntie gave her when she was little—but she’s half-convinced that as soon as she opens the box, someone will come along and yell at her that she actually shouldn’t be here and she needs to leave. Assistant Director Nurse is supposed to come speak to Niko at some point, but according to her skittish assistant, she’s been delayed by another meeting that went long.

Part of Niko wonders if she should just go home, change into her favorite hedgehog slippers, and crawl into bed, but then she pictures the disappointment on Auntie’s face. If her godmother thinks she can do this, then Niko is going to do it.

The sound of heels on tile is the only warning she gets that she has company before someone slaps a clear plastic bag full of what looks to be shards of seaglass down on her desk. Niko startles and whirls around in her desk chair.

“I need to know if there’s been any chatter online about seaglass similar to this washing up on the coast near Dover,” the woman standing over her says briskly. “And see if you can find out what language this is etched on it while you’re at it. It’s nothing I recognize.”

Niko stares. The newcomer is a few years older than her, petite and stunningly pretty with a cascade of dark hair highlighted blond, golden brown eyes, and the most immaculate makeup Niko has ever seen in her life. Actually, everything about her is immaculate, from her heels to the perfectly tailored black suit to her manicure.

The woman arches an eyebrow. “Hello?”

“Sorry, yes.” Niko turns to the bag of seaglass. She can make out the faint lines of symbols that might be writing, though it's nothing she recognizes. “How should I do that exactly?”

“You’re new.” It’s not spoken like a question.

Niko smiles, relieved. “Yes.”

“And nobody’s been in to train you?”

“No. Sorry.” Niko isn’t sure why she’s apologizing. “I’m Niko. Niko Sasaki.”

“Agent Crystal Palace Surname-von Hoverkraft.” She says the name with emphasis, like she expects Niko to recognize it.

Niko doesn’t. “Wow, your signature must take forever.”

Crystal looks incredulous, which is fair. It was a pretty stupid thing to say. “Hana and Rosa are busy on a case Payne has them working on, because of course he needs two analysts, since every case Edwin fucking Payne works on is the priority. Duncan’s out on paternity leave and Grace apparently caught norovirus from eating a sketchy burrito. That leaves you as the only analyst available. And meanwhile, I have pieces of seaglass that keep showing up and driving people to dance into the ocean.” She pauses, then adds, “Don’t handle it with your bare hands.”

Niko has no idea what any of that means. “I’m still not really sure what an analyst does.”

“Mostly, you’re going to monitor chatter online for any sign of the supernatural,” Crystal says, her obvious impatience increasing with every word. “And you assist agents with our research so we’re not wasting time at a computer while there are monsters to hunt down.”

“Monsters?” Niko can’t keep the squeak from her voice. The supernatural?

“So I would really appreciate it if as soon as someone bothers coming along to train you, if you would look into this seaglass so I can figure out why people are losing their minds up and down the coast.” Crystal flashes a smile that’s as false as her long lashes. “Thanks, Nikki.”

“It’s actually—”

Niko is cut off by a shriek from outside, followed by the blare of an alarm loud enough that the floor seems to vibrate with it.

“Fuck,” Crystal says and turns to run into the hallway. She runs really well in those heels, Niko notices.

Niko thinks about heading home to her quiet, safe flat again and not leaving for another two years. Instead, she follows Crystal. In the hallway, Crystal is facing two people. One, a pretty woman with curly blond hair, is pressed up against the wall with wide eyes. The other one is a tall, thin man in an old-fashioned tweed suit, complete with a slightly askew bow tie. The man and Crystal appear to be in the middle of a heated argument.

“How precisely was I to know that the amulet would react like this?” he demands. “I’ve been handling it all morning with no trouble. Perhaps it was a woman’s touch. But no, then it surely would have reacted to Agent Drake’s touch. Miss Green, are you by any chance a virgin?”

The blonde’s eyes go even wider.

“You can’t just ask people if they’re virgins, Queen Victoria,” Crystal snaps.

“I am simply trying to determine the cause—”

“I’m not worried about the cause, I’m worried about the fucking hellhound you let loose."

“Its origins appear to be a cursed amulet, not the depths of Hell, so I’m not sure if we can call it—”

The blare of the alarm is making it hard for Niko to think, but she understands enough to pick up on “cursed amulet” and “hellhound.” Before she can ask for someone to please tell her what’s going on, there’s a snarl loud enough to be heard even over the alarm and something comes bursting through the closed office door across from Niko, sending shards of wood flying everywhere. The blond woman shrieks and goes running down the hallway, but Niko can’t move.

It’s a dog, but it’s not a dog, because she’s never seen a dog this large. Its fur is black, with red glowing through it, like it isn’t skin under the fur, but molten lava. The eyes that fix on Niko burn with fire and its teeth are easily as long as her hand. When it takes a step towards her, Niko is hit with the smell of burning meat, strong enough to make her gag.

The first time Niko has left her flat for more than a few minutes in two years and she’s going to get eaten by a dog. She even likes dogs. She donates to the RSPCA every year.

Crystal steps between Niko and the dog, planting a hand on Niko’s chest to shove her back. In the other hand, she holds a baton tipped with metal. She swings at the dog, hitting it in the face. A line of red fire appears on its cheek and it snarls. She brings the baton down on its head and another line of fire appears, but it doesn’t go down.

“Payne, could you do something fucking useful for once?” she shouts.

The man, who must be the Edwin fucking Payne Crystal mentioned earlier, brings up his hand, where an amulet with a dog’s snarling face carved into it dangles from his fingers. He’s pale and wide-eyed, but his voice is steady as he chants something that Niko thinks might be Latin, though it’s been a long time since she took Latin at Gray Wake. The dog lets out a howl and seems to dissolve right in front of Niko, a dark shadow twisting in the air right before it’s sucked back into the amulet.

“Excellent,” he says. “I wasn’t certain that would work.”

And then there are a lot of people in the hallway and a lot of shouting. Niko stands very still, letting people move around her. No one seems to notice her, which is just how she likes it. They’re asking a lot of questions and Crystal and Edwin are back to arguing. Someone takes the amulet from Edwin, placing it in a large metal box with multiple locks. Niko wonders if she should just go back into her office, close the door, and hide under the desk until someone finally comes to tell her what’s going on.

A woman in a brown pantsuit with her red hair in old-fashioned victory rolls comes stalking down the hallway. Niko recognizes one of the women following her as the assistant who showed her to her office this morning. “What on earth is this racket?” the woman demands in a Scottish accident. “And will someone turn off that bloody alarm? We all know there was an emergency!”

The alarm goes quiet, like the building itself is under her command.

“Agents Payne and Surname-von Hoverkraft.” The newcomer, who must be Assistant Director Nurse, turns to Crystal and Edwin with her arms crossed over her chest. “Explain.”

“The amulet that was recovered from the Sofia Delacroix murder scene appears to be possessed by the spirit of a monstrous dog,” Edwin says briskly. “While it didn’t react to my touch, the moment Miss Green picked it up, the spirit was summoned. It had little interest in myself or Agent Surname-von Hoverkraft, so given its known victims, I can only guess that the spirit targets virginal young women.” 

He turns to Niko, opening his mouth, but Assistant Director Nurse cuts him off. “Agent Payne, do not ask what I think you’re about to ask. There will already be enough paperwork about this incident.” She turns to Niko with a strained smile. “You must be Ms. Sasaki. I’m Assistant Director Asa Nurse. I do apologize for the delay. Director Brown was unexpectedly out of the office, so I had to fill in for him at a meeting.”

Niko finally finds her voice from under a layer of shock. “What was that?”

Crystal, Edwin, and Assistant Nurse all turn to her, as if they forgot about her presence entirely. “I just explained,” Edwin says. “A cursed amulet. I believe its origins to be roughly thirteenth century, give or take a few decades.”

“A curse?”

“Yes, quite a rudimentary bit of magic. Even Agent Surname-von Hoverkraft would be able to counteract it.”

Crystal glances at Assistant Director Nurse to make sure she’s not looking, then flashes a rude hand gesture at Edwin. His nostrils flare with annoyance, but he doesn’t reply.

“A curse.” Niko’s thoughts are swimming. Cursed amulets and seaglass that makes people dance into the sea and hellhounds that aren’t really hellhounds.

Assistant Director Nurse eyes Niko like she’s a bomb that’s about to explode. “Ms. Sasaki, what do you know about the MSI?”

“Nothing.” Niko shakes her head. “I don’t even know what MSI stands for.”

“The Ministry of Supernatural Investigations, of course.”

“Oh.” Niko stares at the place where the not-hellhound just vanished. Well, that explains why she’s never heard of the MSI before. She imagines that if the UK government has a ministry devoted to solving supernatural crimes, they probably don’t advertise it.

“Oh, dear,” Edwin murmurs and Crystal curses softly.

Assistant Director Nurse lets out a gusty sigh. “It seems like we have things to discuss. Ms. Sasaki, please come with me. We can get this all sorted out.”

***

There are no monster dogs on Niko’s second day at the MSI, which is nice, especially since yesterday, she didn’t think she would have a second day at this job. The fact that the supernatural—including demons, ghosts, the Fae, hellhounds, vampires, and more—is real is still taking some getting used to, but Niko has always been very open-minded. Plus, she can’t really deny the existence of the supernatural now that it’s nearly eaten her.

After spending her morning looking into the cursed seaglass for Crystal, she goes to work with two of her new coworkers, Rosa Green and Hana Watanabe. Rosa—who apparently isn’t related to Dr. Jenny Green, the scary medical examiner Niko met during the tour Assistant Director Nurse gave her yesterday afternoon—seems unfazed by her close call with the not-hellhound the day before.

“A near death experience means I’ll probably get a holiday bonus this year,” she told Niko brightly when she poked her head into Niko’s office to introduce herself properly this morning.

Niko marvels at how normal everything seems as Hana and Rosa fill her in on the office gossip and complain about the workload caused by two analysts being absent at once. They tell her all about the tumultuous love triangle going on between three of the agents.

“Shelby and Maren are going to leave Brad for each other eventually,” Hana says with a twinkle in her eye, which gets a bark of laughter from Rosa.

They warn her about Agent Hunter, who has asked out every woman who works at the MSI (except Assistant Director Nurse, Niko assumes.) They tell her about Agent King, who is a shapeshifter and occasionally wanders around as a tabby cat, but gets cranky if someone tries to pet him. Niko files that information away, because she would definitely try and pet a tabby cat she found wandering the halls.

“Thomas is always a laugh at the monthly socials when he’s around,” Rosa tells Niko. “He does a lot of the undercover work, because no one thinks twice about a cat being places its not supposed to be.”

That brings them to the topic of Edwin Payne, who’s rumored to be a sometimes-hookup of Agent King’s. Apparently, they’ve been seen leaving at least one supply closet together.

“He’s a lot,” Rosa says. “If he brings you a case, it’s probably going to be your full-time job for two weeks. He doesn’t get that we only have a few analysts supporting thirty agents. He also doesn’t get technology at all.”

“To be fair, he was born in 1900,” Hana adds.

Niko doesn’t get to ask about that before Rosa continues. “He thinks it’s like magic, like I can just wiggle my nose and all the answers he needs will materialize.”

“I’d take him over Crystal Palace Surname von-Hoverkraft,” Hana says.

They exchange loaded looks. Rosa and Hana have been friends since secondary school and seem to have a whole language of silent looks. It makes Niko, who hasn’t talked to any of her friends from Gray Wake since stilted calls to tell her how sorry they were about her dad, insanely jealous. She’s never been close enough to somebody that she could talk to them with just a tilt of her head or the arch of an eyebrow.

“What about Crystal?” Niko asks. “I met her yesterday. She seemed…” She trails off, because she was about to say “nice,” but that’s not accurate. Crystal breezed into Niko’s office, deposited a bunch of seaglass on her desk, saved her life, then breezed away just as fast. She wasn’t nice at all, but she did save Niko from the not-hellhound while wearing high heels, which is its own sort of accomplishment.

Rosa waves a dismissive hand. “She’s just basically MSI royalty. Her parents are Seth von Hoverkraft and Maddy Surname, who are basically the MSI’s James Bonds. For most of the 90s and early 2000s, if there was a high-profile case, they were probably on it. They’re the ones who figured out what really happened to the Titanic.”

Niko doesn’t think she actually wants to know. She’d like to be able to rewatch Titanic without picturing a kraken snatching Jack off the deck.

“So everyone always knew Crystal would follow Mommy and Daddy’s footsteps and join the MSI,” Rosa says. “They were probably training her to become an agent before she could walk. And she’s a psychic, which is really rare. She and her partner walk around like they own the whole place.”

Hana makes a face. “Agent Fisher. He’s creepy.”

“So creepy,” Rosa agrees. “They’re dating too, which, ew.”

Hana nods. “Ew.”

The conversation moves on to the recent battle over the break room’s aging coffee maker, but Niko’s only half-listening. She wonders what it would have been like for Crystal, to know from the time she was little that she was meant to follow in her parents’ footsteps, to know what her life would be like before she drove her first car or went on her first date. It sounds like a lot of pressure. It sounds really lonely and Niko knows all about loneliness.

***

Walking into the agents’ workroom is immediately overwhelming. The space is crammed with haphazardly arranged desks, only about half of which have agents sitting behind them. The room is filled with the sounds of phones ringings, raised voices, and a strange buzzing that seems to be coming from a smoking alarm clock one of the agents is examining. Most of the walls are covered in photographs, newspaper clippings, and case notes. There’s what looks a lot like a human heart covered in barnacles sitting in the middle of one woman’s desk, right next to a greasy bag of takeaway.

Niko spots Crystal at a desk in the corner. She’s leaning back in her chair, staring up at a wall of photos, all of which depict close-up shots of seaglass. There’s a man leaning against her desk, bending down to whisper into her ear. He wears a glossy black suit with a matching fedora perched on top of his wavy dark hair and without even seeing his face, Niko feels pretty confident that Rosa and Hana’s estimation of Agent David Fisher, Crystal’s partner, is accurate. There’s something about the way he crowds into Crystal’s space that puts Niko on edge.

Niko stops on the other side of Crystal’s desk, waiting for either Crystal or Agent Fisher to notice her. When neither of them do, she says, “Hi.”

Crystal turns around in her desk chair. When she sees Niko, she sighs and holds out a hand to her. For a strange moment, Niko thinks she wants to shake hands or something, before Crystal snaps, “The seaglass?”

Oh, right. Those. Niko passes the bag over.

“You must be the newbie.” David smiles, his gaze traveling over her. “The hellhound didn’t scare you off?”

Niko doesn’t dislike many people, especially after only exchanging a handful of words with him. She thinks she might dislike David Fisher. “It wasn’t a hellhound. It originated in a cursed amulet, not in Hell.”

David laughs and looks down at Crystal, as if inviting her in on a joke. “Payne’s going to love her.”

Crystal smiles. It’s not a very nice smile and Niko gets that shrinking feeling she used to get back in uni, when she felt like everyone, even people who didn’t know her, was staring at her, laughing at the girl who had a breakdown after her father died. “Did you find out anything useful?” Crystal asks in a tone that suggests she’s pretty sure the answer will be no.

“I don’t know what language the writing is in,” Niko says. “But that’s because no one knows what language it’s in. Similar writing has been found on seaglass along the coastlines of Greece, Italy, and Spain. Some people think it’s an ancient mer language we haven’t encountered before. But this is the first time the seaglass has hurt anyone, as far as I could tell. Unless they stepped on it and cut their foot, I guess.”

David smirks and tries to exchange another look with Crystal, but she's frowning at the seaglass.

“I’ve never known mers to drive people into frenzies like this,” Crystal says thoughtfully. “But there’s a first time for everything.”

“I couldn’t find anything about anyone finding seaglass just like this in Dover,” Niko adds. “But I did find this.”

She pulls up her MSI-issued tablet and pulls up an Instagram post by a user named heathersfeathers1087, which shows sandal-clad feet with bright teal toenails standing within a perfect circle of green seaglass. The caption reads, “Nature’s mysteries are beautiful!”

“If you look closely,” she says. “That almost looks like the same writing, doesn’t it? And in the comments, she says she’s going to take some of it home to make a necklace out of it.”

Crystal and David both squint at the screen. “I don’t see it,” David grumbles.

“No, she’s right,” Crystal says, tapping one perfectly manicured nail against the screen. “There. It’s faint, but you can just see it. Shit, this was posted yesterday. This lady may have drowned by now.” She looks up at Niko with a frown. “Do you know—”

“Heather Featherington,” Niko says. “She lives near Brighton. I sent you her address. She hasn’t posted since finding the seaglass and her neighbor’s security camera hasn’t shown her leaving her house since she got home last night.”

“Then we need to get moving.” Crystal is already standing up, grabbing her blazer from the back of her chair.

David sighs in a long-suffering sort of way. “Like you said, it’s been over a day. The damage is probably already done.”

“That doesn't mean we're not going to try,” Crystal snaps. “Come on, David.”

Niko knows she should let Crystal go save this lady’s life, but first, she says, “Thank you, by the way.”

Crystal blinks at her, halfway through putting on her blazer. “For what?”

“You saved my life yesterday,” Niko says. “I never got the chance to say thank you. So thanks for not letting me get eaten by a monster dog.”

“Oh.” Crystal smiles, a far nicer smile than the one she flashed earlier. It’s sweet and makes her look younger, less like the terrifying MSI princess Hana and Rosa described. “You’re welcome. First days suck enough without getting mauled.”

David sighs gustily. “I thought Heather with the tacky toenail polish was in mortal danger here.”

“Jesus, David, I’m coming.” Crystal rolls her eyes and follows him out of the workroom.

Later, Niko learns through the grapevine that Heather Featherington was lucky enough to break her leg dancing down the stairs and never made it to the sea, but Crystal apparently spent several hours at the bottom of the ocean, negotiating with the priestess of an ancient mer clan until she agreed to stop trying to kill humans with enchanted seaglass. It sounds really badass and Niko wishes she could hear the story from Crystal herself, but Crystal is already away on another case.

But the first case Niko helped with at the MSI has wrapped up successfully and that’s enough to give her a warm little glow that’s almost as good as having Crystal Palace Surname von-Hoverkraft smile at her.

***

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed, please consider leaving comments and kudos over on AO3, where the rest of this will be posted.

[jisungsbff01]

.like i need you.5.

...pairing…Chan x reader

...w.c... 2.3k

...genre…slice-of-life, college au!

...warnings…anxiety attack, mentions of not eating, insomnia

...characters...Y/N, (OC) Lilith, (OC) June, Chan, Jisung, Hyunjin(rest of members mentioned)

...synopsis...No one ever really knows what they wanna do in their 20s, but Y/N has always known what she was going to do. So, she began the journey to her dream and is so close to reaching it with no distractions at all. Until she is thrown into a project with Hyunjin, a fellow senior in college, and he introduces her to a few of his friends...connecting with one in particular...

Her whole plan is soon thrown off the track she’s had it on for 21 years….

A/N: I haven’t properly edited this chapter yet, but I wanted to get something out.

 Now that our regular class finals were over, Hyunjin and I were working overtime for the day we had left for our project. We were so close to getting where we needed it to be for his presentation of it and I was getting antsy. Currently, I was holed up in the producing studio I knew that later he would be at the dance studio across town. And, if I am being honest, I haven’t spoken to anyone in almost two days. Not even Hyunjin to discuss the project, granted he was too busy perfecting his routine to notice. In turn, this meant that I haven’t properly eaten… I had no one to drag me for coffee and something to eat and I have been too wrapped up in either the studio or my room on my computer to notice anything else. 

My phone has long been put on Do Not Disturd and I was finally getting somewhere with the background vocals. I’ve never been this picky with my songs, but I think since the main music part is mostly just me, I am overthinking it. I’ve never had to do main vocals and I am by far the best singer there is, but in the end had to for this so I’m kind of stuck with it. 

Although it was on Do Not Disturb, my phone would still occasionally light up with various notifications, and the last time it did, it was 5AM. My body was aching and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. I knew I was not going to be able to continue on properly with being as tired as I was and I hadn’t slept in over 24 hours and a little nap wouldn’t hurt. I set an alarm on my phone for 45 minutes and rolled up my hoodie as a make-shift pillow and I rested my head on it and let sleep take me in it’s comforting embrace.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I was awoken by someone’s hand on my shoulder, calling my name. It was Han Jisung. How the hell did he get in here? I shoot up straight and look around, slightly confused as to where I was…but it all floods back rather quickly, “Ji? What are you doing here?”

He meekly brushed a few strands of hair out of my face as he responded, “I was getting a studio for Chris and I before he got here and the receptionist asked me to check in on the person in here because they’ve been in here since yesterday morning…have you eaten anything, Y/N?”

I stretch widely and got up, back to my seat at the desk and shake my head, “Too busy. I’m okay, though- thank you for checking on me I probably needed to wake up soon anyway-wait…what time is it?” My body panics slightly.

Jisung looks down at his watch and responds, “It’s 6:30, why?”

“Shit, I was supposed to be awake an hour ago…it’s okay, Ji. Again, thank you, but I have to get back to work. But, please tell the receptionist I’m okay.” I dismiss him rather quickly.

He mutters something as he walks out hesitantly. 

I continue to work, going in and out of the recording booth…deleting and rerecording clips here and there, adjusting the bass and trebel, the balance between vocals and instrumentals, going back through the whole song until I was satisfied. Which eventually happened. Only, it was 8:45 by the time that happened. But, finally I was done…and it was basically a whole new song, for the most part. I knew by this time Hyunjin would be at the dance studio, so I decided to head straight there.

Picking up is favorite drink along the way, which the shop owner decided to give me for free this morning for some reason, I made it to the studio by 9 exactly. I quietly made my way into the building, trying not to disrupt anyone and found Hyunjin stretching to soft music. The temperature outside left a bite of cold in the air in the studio, but I’m sure once he got moving he would be grateful for the temperature. 

I mumbled a ‘good morning’ to my friend as I handed him his drink and I sat on the couch, legs folded under me. The tall man went from being on the floor to towering over me in a heartbeat. 

“So I got a call from Jisung this morning…” he started off.

“Oh, yeah? Saw him this morning briefly, one of the few people who have woken me up that haven’t gotten their eyes clawed out, by the way.” I respond with a gravelly voice.

“Mhm, he told me that you haven’t been out of the studio in almost 24 hours?” He states frustratedly. 

“Yes, I got caught up, what’s the big deal, Hyun?”

“The big deal is that you haven’t eaten either, Y/N…you need to eat, and sleep.”

“Don’t worry, I grabbed a snack on my way here, ate it already…mom.” I mumble the last part, because I felt like I was being scolded by my mom.

“Okay, well you probably didn’t eat enough, so what is going to happen is you are going to take a nap here so I know you are actually sleeping and once you are awake, we are going to get you some real food.” 

“I’m not gonna say no to sleep right now, that’s for sure.” 

He tosses me his hoodie and I opt to use that as a blanket, once again, I fall asleep rather quickly and stay that way, even over the music and the dancing in the background. You would think the sounds would keep me from falling asleep, normally they probably would, but in the moment, they lull me to sleep instead. 

I only wake up once and it was when Felix and Chris stopped by, Chris had a blanket in hand and was more than ready to swap out Hyunjin’s hoodie for a proper blanket. He sat next to me, just above my head…and for some reason, I rested my head on his thigh. He stilled for a moment, before relaxing and laying his hand on my arm. I couldn’t help but fall asleep once again. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I wake up from the feeling of strong nausea. And an extremely tight chest…

I shoot up from my position on the couch, interrupting whatever conversation everyone was having, and darting to the bathroom. Nothing came up, but I sat there dry heaving for a while. I’ve always hated getting sick in this way, I always felt helpless and no matter what, I always wanted my mom. I suddenly started crying, I felt like shit, hungry but too nauseous to eat. 

My blood sugar was definitely low and my mental health was now taking a drop. And I realize how hard it was getting to breathe.My breaths come out in sporadic huffs as I try to catch my breath just so I could begin to take slow breaths, to calm myself down. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, especially not Chris. With shaky hands I message Hyunjin, asking him to come into the bathroom.

Within a couple of minutes, he’s running into the enclosed space. My hair, once pulled up into a bun, was now hanging in the hair tie by my shoulders. It was hot, too hot and I felt like I was going to throw up, even though I knew I couldn’t. He took a hair tie off his wrist and pulls my hair up, my head lulls back as he does so and he grabs my hand and sets it over his heart. There’s a loud roaring in my ears and I can hardly hear what he is saying but by the gesture, I understand that he is attempting to get me to breathe at the rate he was.

Suddenly he grabs his phone and dials someone, I still can’t hear him and I am at the point where I genuinely feel like I’m dying. My chest hurts, my throat hurts, and my lungs are beginning to ache from lack of proper oxygen. I see Hyunjin stand up and pull away to wet his hands under the faucet, coming back to put cool water on my forehead and the base of my neck. Out of the corner of my eye I see movement, but am unable to focus…or even care. Hyunjin goes out of view and Chris comes into view, my hand is pulled to his chest and his heartbeat is more noticeable than Hyun’s. He grabs my face so that I am looking at him in the eye and I begin to faintly hear him,” In, out, in out.”

He keeps a steady tempo to it as he continues to instruct my breathing and he hesitates to ask, “Would it be better if I hugged you?”  

I nodded, knowing that deep pressure has helped with attacks like this in the past for me, and once he wraps his arms around me, I am able to relax. My breathing doesn’t let up right away, and I am a little more aware my my surroundings, but I am able to request that he hug me tighter. I sigh out in relief once he gives me what I ask and I rest my head on his shoulder, noticing that Hyunjin had left. 

Once I calm down a bit more, he asks if I need a minute alone. I nod my head in response, needing to wet the cotton-mouth I have going on. He lets me know he was just going to be back in the studio whenever I was ready to come back. I rinsed out my mouth and walked out the door anyway, wiping the tears that gathered in my eyes. As I entered the dance studio, I noticed we had a few more additions to our little gathering. Everyone was here at this point, I made eye-contact with Chris as everyone still socialized amongst each other and signaled for him to come outside the door. I saw him grab my bag and say something to Hyunjin before following me out.

 He made sure the door closed behind him as I spoke, “I think I’m gonna head home, I’m just not feeling it.”

He watched me closely before taking a deep breath through his nose, “Not feeling it, or not feeling good?”

“Both?” I stated, unsure.

“Have you eaten anything?” He asked, knowing the answer already.

“No.”

“Let’s eat before you go home.”

“Chris, I’m not really-” “No, for my peace of mind, I need to see you eat something. Jisung told me how he found you and that you hadn’t eaten. You need to eat, even if it’s something small.”

I think about it before giving in and he’s driving us to a local cafe. 

Chris and I sat and ate for about an hour before he took me back to my apartment, walking me up. 

I felt the warmth of his body following behind me, guarding me…like I’m going to run at the first possible moment. I knew he was worried about me, he was the only one who really hid it well around me. And the past few weeks we’ve grown closer, we’ve gotten each other to open up and have even spoken countless times through text and over the phone. It was in this moment I truly felt feelings friends aren’t supposed to have for each other. I wanted nothing but him in my life. In this moment everything was quiet with him, the stress was gone when I was with him. I was happy and safe when I was with him. 

With him, everything was perfect.

I pulled my keys out of the pocket of my coat, in doing so my bag slid off my shoulder. He caught it, slipping it off my arm so that he could hold it. Before I could turn the knob to open the door, he softly grasped my upper arm, “Y/N, wait…”

My head cocks slightly to the side, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He looked like he was in pain, like, physical pain. I grab his hand off my arm, my fingers knotting with his and let out a hum in questioning, asking for an answer. He nods his head and whispers, “Yeah, I’m okay, I just…”

He suddenly pulled me closer to him, still speaking in a low voice, “Tell me if you don’t want this.”

“Want wha”

He kissed me, and it took a heartbeat for me to completely wrap my head around it and reciprocate but once I did oh. I parted my lips, asking…begging for more. I hear my bag drop to the ground as he brings one hand up my body to rest on my hip, the other on my jaw, the tips of his fingers curling in my hair. I pulled him closer by his waist, wanting our bodies welded together at this point. I take a chance and nibble on his lower lips, earning a groan from deep in his throat. My body filled with heat and I wanted more. But I didn’t get more. He pulled away, his body tense and shaking slightly. 

“Yeah, I’m okay, pretty girl.” He said to me, still holding me close to his body. For a few moments, we stayed like that. Until he pressed a few more light kisses to my lips, then my right cheek, left cheek, forehead,nose, jaw, and finally to my neck. I gasped from the sensation, my body still humming. 

He actually pulled away this time, leading my body back and handed my bag back to me, turning the knob that I had barely gotten a chance to unlock before he kissed me. He turned my body, pressed a chaste kiss on the crown of my head before leading me in my shared apartment.”I will see you later, pretty girl. Get some sleep, yeah?”

I nodded, pressing my lips into a fine line, closing the door as he walked away.

------------------

Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought!

[staplersalad]

I cannot be the only Beatles fan drawing parallels with One Direction right now.

16th October, Liam Payne dies, falling from his balcony. 8 years after the band split up, a band that was together for 6 years (2010-2016)

I thought about the Beatles, how they’d been together for 8 years (1962-1970) granted john, paul and george knew each other since 1957/58.

Both bands took off when they were roughly the same age. Both bands had not very long careers. And yes I’m incredibly biased and so I don’t think that they had the same cultural significance, but were both bands subjected to an incredibly insane level of fandom? hell yeah, and while I’d argue with the internet existing in 1D’s time, they probably dealt with it worse- the concept of boy band fandoms and celebrity worship were so new during The Beatles era that while it may seem mild compared to fandoms in the age of the internet, since it was new it probably felt just as scary and intense.

And then I thought about Liam’s death, about how John died 10 years after the band split up. And well when Liam died, as someone who was alive during the 1D era (never became a fan but hell yeah I was singing and dancing to all their chart toppers) the first thought that came to my head was wow, the 1D era feels like such a long time ago, his death felt so very separated from “a member of the former band One Direction dies”

And with sadness I very quickly thought about John and how he died 10 years after the band split, even longer, and well, did The Beatles connection feel forced then? We look back with nostalgia and love, but on that very day he died and news spread, did The Beatles feel like something of so long ago?

And I haven’t kept up with 1D at all but I do know some of the members were on good terms and good friends but I bet it was more on the lines of “oh you and I were together at a very pivotal points of our lives” a very nostalgia based friendship if you will, and so when Liam died, I do not doubt for a second they were in shock and their hearts broke at the news, but did it feel like when you’ve heard your old best friend from school passed away or did it feel like your brother passed away? And with sadness I ask the same question for when John died, hoping it’s the second answer.

And I’d hate to think the first answer was true for when John died, and truly I don’t think it is. I think the music community was so much more tight knit back then, there really wasn’t that sheer volume of top artists like we have today. Also their solo careers were all very successful from the get go, their names still always floating around in tabloids- which is also true for the 1D members in some regard but the truth is in the age of the internet and a massive volume of artists in the music industry, they’ve definitely floated away which didn’t really happen to The Beatles if you get what I mean. And so I think they were in some ways closer after the band split than the members of One Direction was?

And Liam from whatever little tidbits I find on the internet seems to have not been a very great person and so his death initially (well maybe still is) was tainted by a lot of that and I thought about how John also wasn’t a perfect person either and when he died where there people that thought the same? I’d hope not. But also John’s solo career was a million miles ahead of even the peak of Liam’s solo career and so his death must have had more gravity in that sense.

I don’t know I guess I just found it bizarre how when we talk about The Beatles, John’s death 10 years after the band broke up felt so much more consecutive whereas having lived these 8 years after 1D broke up and Liam dying, I realise how much time must have really passed.

[heymeowmao]

2024.08.17 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325068458969923865

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Liu Yuning. Welcome~ LYN: I need to tell you- Happy 817! C: You’re finally streaming! LYN: It’s not that bad, right? It hasn’t even been that long since my last stream. /hic/ Sorry. I ate something before I started streaming. The last time I streamed, it was- /hic/ What’s wrong with me?? Hold on- Let me get some water. C: Did you lie? LYN: No- I had something to eat before I started streaming. Maybe I inhaled it too quickly. I was afraid I wouldn’t have the strength to keep streaming, so I thought I’d eat something beforehand. So I’ll.. stream for a little while today. Someone also said, “you’re finally streaming” and I don’t think “finally” is appropriate, is it? I streamed only a few days ago, it hasn’t been that long. I’ve got to make sure you’re well fed. I’m sure that there are no other artists out there like me, who come to stream when they have nothing better to do. 

C: You’re pink and soft~ LYN: Yes~ After all some of you have spent six- though I’ve debuted for six years, this is the seventh 817 together. You’ve grown with me for seven years! Think about it. If one of you were 35 years old when you first starting liking me back then, and have stuck with me to this day, then you’d be (at least) 41 now. Isn’t that right? If you were 18 when you first started liking me, then this year you’d be… 18 + 6… 24 years old. You’ve probably started a job now, huh? So I wanted to dress young so that we collectively feel younger. C: This is my fifth 817. LYN: For some, this could be their first. Second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh. There might even be an eighth. C: I was 14 when I started liking you. LYN: Then, adding six years you’d be… 20 this year. How nice.

LYN: For the friends who are new or for the people who are just passing by and have unknowingly found themselves here- what is 817? It’s not a particularly special day, but for my fans and I, it is. People are wondering why 817 is a fan-day? It’s because the year I debuted, I had held a fanmeet. I invited a lot of people- I think it was 300? We set 8/17 every year as a festival for my fans. It’s quite a happy thing. Every year around this time, we can be happy and spend it a little like a festival- it’s a holiday of our own. LYN: There are many of my fans grouped in all different locations. For example- I won’t be naming any specific locations. Because if I say, “Shanghai, Beijing, Liaoning”- once I start naming cities and provinces, then I have to name them all. For example, I name Zhejiang, but not Henan. Then the fans in Henan will say, “What’s the big idea? Are you looking down on Henan fans? You don’t even want to mention us??” If I name Henan, but not Hebei: “Are you looking down on Hebei?” That’s not it. In the end I’d be naming them all. There are “sheds”- that is, my fan groups- in all different locations. On this day, 8/17, they’ll gather together to rent out a place, have a meal, and share their stories and the happiness they’ve gained from chasing the star known as Liu Yuning. They’ll use all their different dialects to describe how handsome and cool I am in their eyes. It’s that sort of festival, where they flatter me. No- I can’t say it like that. It’s where they make plans for the next 817 festival day. LYN: It’s just a small get-together for my fans, and they spend it happily. I’ve seen that some rent out a place, and even a huge screen. It’s like a wedding venue! Also, I was thinking- would it be bad of me to stream at this time? Because I’m sure that even at this moment, there are groups that are still in the midst of their gathering. Possibly, many of them are watching right now through their phones, or if they have a big screen maybe they’ll cast this to the screen to watch my stream. Right? :D Look- we’re even interacting. If there are people watching me right now, I’m sure they’d have all collectively answered, “Right!” It’s like a concert, now. LYN: I hope- I’m guessing- that the places you’ve rented out are private spaces? Because if it’s a public space and there are other guests in the area, they’re probably thinking that I’m crazy. You all also don’t look very sane. So, I hope you can be more discreet.

LYN: But I was wondering if it would be okay for me to stream at this time, because it’s past 8p, almost 9p. Tjey probably started eating around 6p or 7p, and eating would take about an hour. Many of my fans, though female, have probably already started drinking. I was afraid that many of you’d already be… so happy you’re dizzy with it. [read: drunk] If you’re watching my stream on top of that, too much excitement might not be a good thing. C: I can drink more than you! LYN: I’m sure you can. I’m peanuts- my tolerance is no good. I’m SURE you can drink more than I can, you don’t need to compare. There’s no need.

LYN: Alright, well. Ning-ge will use water as wine and make a toast to you all. Let’s all raise our cups! You- drink water or soft drinks, if you can. Grab your cola or sprite and let’s go. Here’s to you. Happy Holiday! C: Use tea as wine. LYN: Okay, okay. C: Ganbei! Ganbei, lao-da! LYN: Some of you started a chant: “Drain it! Drain it!” This type of person- that’s not very good of you. You think you’re being very enthusiastic, but we’re trying to get people to NOT drink. Also- I’m drinking water, not wine. We’re not limiting water- drink as much as you want. If our emotions are deep, then- ?? Why did I say that? Well, it doesn’t matter. Let’s go. If our emotions are deep, then down it in one shot. If our emotions are shallow, then just sip. (感情深一口闷; 感情浅，舔一舔.) - /drains his glass but also pours a little water on his keyboard/ LYN: (acting drunk) /hurk/ Sorry- I drank too much, friends. I- My alcohol tolerance is really low. I can’t keep you company anymore, so- drink and be happy amongst yourselves. I can’t drink anymore. Look at how red my face is. I’m not a good drinker at all. I really can’t hold it. One glass and I’m out. You uh- if you want to drink, then you continue. Be happy.

LYN: Many of you are probably at home? I read a comment that said, “I just finished cleaning up the house and you started streaming.” That’s great. If you’re at home you can be nice and comfortable. Grab some snacks and we can spend a few relaxing and happy hours together. C: I’m on a diet. LYN: Oh, you’re on a diet? Then, restrain yourself a little. Don’t grab any snacks.

----------

C: Lao-da, do you know any Mongolian? LYN: I don’t speak any. But I can sing it. :) I think I only know one line, though. Does that count? I don’t know. -- 乌兰巴托的夜 (The Night in Ulaanbaatar) LYN: This probably doesn’t count as Mongolian… - /looking something up on his phone & struggling with it/ -- 鸿雁 (Swan Goose) LYN: No, the- the translation/pronunciation that it’s giving me doesn’t look… Let me try again. - /take 2/ LYN: Again! - /take 3/ LYN: /laughs/ Ah- let’s forget it. I accidentally got carried away with it. Excuse me.

C: Ning-ge, did you drink? LYN: I just drank two mouthfuls of some water as wine, didn’t I? But I didn’t expect that it would go to my head. So, I didn’t drink but I am a little “drunk” with it.

C: If you haven’t checked in today, go do it. LYN: Okay. If you haven’t checked in yet on my Super Topic, this is a reminder to go do it.

C: Rang Jiu. LYN: I think today is also- what is it called- Daomi Festival, right? That is- a festival for fans of DMBJ. What a coincidence, that it’s the same day as my fan-day as well. Also coincidentally, I sang the song for Tomb of the Sea and have acted as Hei Yanjing. I think there’s some fate there. C: What a coincidence! LYN: It is! I don’t know if I’ll be able to sing it well, but how about I give it a try? I’ll try.

LYN: /laughs/ Do these make me look overly cute? Whatever, it doesn’t matter. At least it can cover how red my face will get, because this song is goes pretty high. -- 让酒 (Let the Wine) LYN: !!! It’s been too long since I last sang this song! I missed the timing for the chorus, sorry. Let me start from the top. Let’s stop the previous segment there, and then erase it. LYN: /pretending he’s drunk/ This is, ah- drinking and singing don’t mix well. But I didn’t drink any alcohol. I’m joking, friends. Oh, look. The producer (of the song) is Song Pengfei. That’s our good friend. [t/n: Ning-ge’s fans are called “pengfei.”] Let’s try again, properly this time. Excuse me. -- 让酒 (Let the Wine) (take 2)

C: Lao-da, let’s sing “chi” together. LYN: Let’s not, because the track I have is for the female key. (hard for him to sing along to)

-----

C: Lao-da, read my comment and my heart’s wish will be fulfilled. LYN: You can’t say such things. There is no “fulfillment of your heart’s wish”- you will encounter so many different goals at different stages of your life. This might be your current wish, but you will have many more in the future.

C: (Wang) Yizhe saw your commentary. LYN: I know- he made a reaction video to my reaction. I saw it. It was fun. An interaction between friends.

C: Ning-ge, I want to watch your livestream- LYN: Let me imitate this friend’s way of speech. They’re probably a student, to have made such an innocent comment. [t/n: he uses the word “chunzhen”, yes- homophonous with the yogurt.] They said, “Ning-ge, should I do my homework, or watch your stream?” They asked such a question. I think it’s like this- definitely do your homework first. Your studies come first. As for my stream, there’s always the playback when it ends. When you’re finished with your homework you can lie down on your bed and watch. Or maybe tomorrow when you have the time. You don’t necessarily need to watch me stream live. There’s not really a difference between a live stream and a pre-recorded one. Actually, right at this moment you’re watching a recorded stream, it’s just that you don’t know it yet. This is recorded, and is just playing. You might see me sitting here now, but actually I’m outside eating some hotpot. 

C: But watching “live (at location)” has more feel. LYN: Are you watching a concert, what are you talking about, “live” has more feel??? It’s not worth it. This is all there is to a stream. Even though we are far apart, we’re just meeting through a screen- be that a phone or a computer or cast to a tv or tablet. There’s nothing to watching it “live (at location).”

C: Can you see our comments with those glasses on? LYN: Yes? Just because I’m wearing them doesn’t mean that I’m blind. How could I not see them??

C: Is your blush a filter or what? LYN: It’s a filter I turned on to match today’s pink shirt. /turns it off/ Now it’s normal. My face isn’t pink. It was a filter.

C: Lao-da, when will the soybean oil you owe me come into stock? LYN: My studio really did help me to buy oil and rice today. When I came home today they asked me if they should move the goods into my streaming room, so that I can show you that I have them prepared. I said, “Forget it.” Why? Because if you really start taking me seriously, then this would be a difficult thing to facilitate. Sometimes, and mostly in my streams, a lot of the things I say aren’t exactly outright joking but more abstract and you can’t tell. But I discovered that when I’m trying to be abstract and joking, there are really some people who are taking me seriously. I’m speaking in an abstract sense, but people are really believing it. So… I’m afraid that one day my joke will turn into a lifetime of silence. So I told them to forget it, because if I really bring oil and rice here today, you’re going to spread the news. Then, it will be that I secretly let some people receive theirs and some people don’t get any. Then people will stop checking in to the Super Topic (because they have no more expectations). I don’t need anyone really taking that promise seriously. I’d be in big trouble, then. C: You can only trust 20% of what he says. LYN: Yes. Only trust 20%

- /keeps “cheers-ing”/ LYN: Water as wine. Today we’re celebrating a holiday… C: Raising fish… // Drain it! LYN: /sigh/ It’s just water, what’s there to drain?? I don’t think I should have said what I did, earlier. “If our emotions are deep, then down it in one shot.” I shouldn’t have said it. Because now every time I pick up my cup I get the feeling you want me to drain it. LYN: If you’re going to keep making me do that, then the neighbors will be fighting soon. Very quickly. They’re going to start fighting. Hold on, let me pour more into the cup. But know that if you keep making me drain it, the neighbors are going to be fighting really soon. (t/n: he’ll need to go use the restroom, lmao) C: It’s okay, we have the videos.

C: How about spending the new year? (stream past 12a) LYN: I don’t think I will be able to stream for very long tonight. I have a bunch of scenes tomorrow to shoot, so I’ll stream until it’s about time and then go. Don’t try to force me to stay.

C: Lao-da, I can see your blackheads. LYN: That’s a bit much, isn’t it? Has the quality of the video increased so much that you can even see my blackheads?? That’s amazing.

LYN: (backtracking) So I thought I would forget it, and not show off any oil or rice. I was afraid if I showed you actual product, you all would start requesting your allocations. This venture is a little too large of a scale, I honestly don’t think I would be able to pull it off.

C: Ning-ge, smile at the camera so I can take a screenshot. LYN: /makes a crying face instead/

----------

LYN: It’s another 817, yeah. LYN: We posted a video for the day, right? And in it there were a lot of clips, especially from my concert. I felt a little emotional seeing it, because it’s been five years ago now. I do miss it. So I was wondering if… it was about time for me to have my next concert. LYN: 1. I am, actually, a singer. So a concert is a must. 2. When I’m watching the video I really will feel a bunch of emotions and miss being in concert. I’ll start imagining what it was like in the venue. I really need to look into finishing up dramas this year and start working on my concert next. I should work on my music. C: Release your album first. LYN: Yes, very soon. Once this drama wraps I’ll go and finish up my album. We’ll make plans to post some things, and then it will be released. After it’s released we can just get the concert sorted out for next year and we’ll be set. That’s my current plan. - C: How many shows for Beijing? LYN: I don’t yet have the confidence to say that all my tickets will be sold out. I’m not like others, where a ticket is hard to acquire. For me, the concert goers are hard to acquire. If I open too many shows and no one buys the tickets I would die of embarassment. There’s no point if I’d be singing to myself. I’ve heard enough of that as is. So I was thinking just a moderate amount would be enough. One stop per city. As long as everyone can see me and I can perform well, that’s enough. C: Arrange more shows. I really won’t be able to fight for a ticket. LYN: That’s nonsense! Many of you always give me the misconception that my tickets are hard to get. The sales aren’t even open yet, and you’re already acting as if they’re sold out. Stop fooling me. I won’t believe it. - LYN: But after I saw that video (for 817), I thought I would finally start making plans to hold my concert next year. It’s about time, and something I should have been working on. LYN: So, I wanted to say that MAYBE next year I’ll hold my concert. Maybe. It’s still only a possibility right now. But the probability is high because I really want to have it.

C: Ning-ge, open reservations and let’s see how many you’ll need. LYN: Are there pre-reservations for concert tickets?? I don’t know about it. I mean, a reservation is fine but when actual sales open and people don’t finalize to buy the ticket, don’t we have the same problem?? So, let’s just see when the time comes. Keep feeding your piggybanks. LYN: I really think that the investment to go to a concert is really very high. It’s not as simple as tickets. Those can range from a few hundred to a few thousand (RMB). But the problem is that many of you are coming from surrounding areas to the city nearest you. There’s the ground transport and airfare, which could rack up to a few thousands. If you live close, maybe you can get away with just a train ticket. But then there’s the cost for hotel. It’s a lot of logistics and expenses to think about. It’s costly, so start saving up in your piggybanks. Once tickets sales are open, you can smash the piggy and rush over.

C: Lao-da, can minors attend? LYN: ? That, I really don’t know. Probably! A lot of my friends are mothers now, and my male fans are fathers- I always see them bringing their kids. I’m not too sure on how the tickets were sold, though. You should be able to buy tickets. I mean, there’s no- I can GUARANTEE that there will not be any nudity (or content not suitable for minors) at this concert. For example if I’m singing, and then all of a sudden it goes to my head and I rip my shirt off. There will be none of that happening, so I’m sure that minors can attend. There will probably be no such impulsive behaviors. C: Kids can buy tickets as normal. LYN: I think so, yeah.You should be able to go. I saw kids in my concerts all the time, so you should be able to come. Rest assured. LYN: Wait- because I said that there will not be any shirt-ripping, will that influence my ticket sales? That is- many of you were expecting to see something, but I told you there’s no chance, so you no longer look forward to it as much as you did before?

C: Where to buy tickets? LYN: You’ll find out later, when I’m ready to have the concert. I’ve only talking hypothetically, up until now. I saw the video for 817 and I missed those times. I’ve spent the last two years constantly shooting for dramas, and I think it’s about time that I work on my music now. C: You’ve spent the last five years shooting dramas. LYN: Yes, I have but I also sang a lot of OSTs. Still though, I haven’t released any of my own music, so I’m really very ashamed. 

----------

C: Ning-ge, do you need copyright to release/play a song? LYN: In my stream? Probably not? If I’m using it for business (profit) then that’s probably no. But if I’m just listening to it, there shouldn’t be any problem. My stream is strictly no business- I don’t “officially” promote dramas, I don’t try to sell you anything, and I don’t accept gifts. It’s just a normal entertainment stream, so playing some music in the background probably wouldn’t violate any copyright rules. Even if I did, I don’t think it would warrant anyone suing me?? LYN: Right now I am playing YoungCaptain’s song. I don’t expect him to sue me tomorrow. I don’t think it’s worth it. After all we have what counts as a small collaboration. This goes for anyone- I don’t think me playing their songs in my stream would garner such a severe reaction as them suing me. It’s not worth it.

C: Ning-ge, be the spokesperson for the cologne that you always use. LYN: ? You know, I alway see comments online saying, “Every time Ning-ge walks past us, he smells so nice!” ? “What cologne is he using??” I keep thinking about this and I- ??? I don’t think it’s me? It’s probably on YOU, and when I walk by I stir up the wind. So what you’re smelling is the other friends who are there. I don’t think it’s any smell of cologne from me. Probably when I walk by- breeze by- and what you’re smelling is the perfume from the fans before you. Then I bring the scent of whatever YOU’RE wearing to the person next to you. And so on and so forth. So you’ll never be able to tell exactly what scent it is. It’s the combined smell of countless perfumes that you all are wearing, not what I am wearing. LYN: If you ask me if I USE any cologne/perfume, of course I do, but mostly for events where I have to make an  appearance. So at the very least I don’t smell like sweat- I’d like to smell nice. But I always change it up. What’s the basis of this? Because sometimes I use my makeup artist’s. Sometimes I use my hair stylist’s. Sometimes I use my assistants’. Then sometimes I use my own. It’s not a sure thing, so there’s always a different scent. C: How much do you spray?? You must have to use a lot. LYN: Let me tell you- one time- you really shouldn’t spray too much perfume. If you put on too much it’s truly excruciating. One time I took a plane, and the person next to me had so much on. It smelled nice, sure. But I was almost choking on it- even through my face mask.

----- break #1

C: How did the fight go? LYN: Don’t ask! Why do you need to know about things that have nothing to do with you… It’s fine- they weren’t fighting. It was just the sound of the tv. C: They’re watching A Lonely Hero’s Journey (Gu Zhou). LYN: Yes, probably. I didn’t clearly see what they were watching. It was probably GZ.

LYN: There’s someone who keeps wanting me to talk about my work- you can stop spamming. It’s endless. Why would I come to stream, just to chat about that? I don’t know what you’re thinking, asking me to “talk about this” and “how did you feel about that”. Are you crazy? Who am I, to talk about that stuff in my stream? I don’t know what you’re thinking, but stop spamming. LYN: How shameless do you think I am, to talk about those topics?? You really don’t consider me a stranger, do you. You’re still spamming. I’m not kidding. This is a matter of respect for this industry and for the people I’ve worked with.

C: Lao-da, you’re trending. #31. LYN: I don’t believe it. There’s no way. Absolutely no way! LYN: Let me take a look. LYN: … /sits in silence, bc he’s not on it/ C: You were on it, but just dropped. LYN: You’re liars! - LYN: Friends, all of a sudden I am feeling a little sleepy. I feel like sleep is coming. I have a song called 狂风袭来 (strong wind is raging)- but now I feel sleep coming. [t/n: making a language pun] I want to sleep, now. Maybe I should take a shower and then just go to sleep? Everything is possible, in a dream. [t/n: he can be trending in his dream XD] C: Sleep early. Getting enough sleep is important. LYN: I’ll stay a little longer, but good night to you. Let’s not force it. - LYN: Someone just asked a profound question, “Is a trending topic that important?” Let me think of how to respond to that. If I say it’s not important would that be disrespectful to weibo, because being on such far-reaching network and to be trending is actually a huge form of support for an artist? But if I say it IS important, then there’s that added connotation of exploitation. If I say it’s important, then you’re going to think that the only reason I stream is so that I can be on the list of trending topics. It makes me look shallow. There’s no good way to answer this question. LYN: But I do want to say that it does have importance. Because if I am on the trending topics, people might see that and then make their way into my stream. They might not know me, or understand me, or only know of me only due to all the negative comments, but through a single stream- if they stay five or even ten minutes- it’s possible that their impression of me could change. Maybe they’d think, “LYN is not as annoying as I thought. He looks pretty normal, and not as bad as everyone is saying he is.” It’s like that. I believe the purpose of the trending topic is so that many more people get to know me and understand me. Once they know my name, perhaps in the future when I release a song or one of my dramas airs- they’ll check it out because they remember that they watched five minutes of my stream once. Every consumer is important. Each and every one of you is important. So, I still hope that I can have a trending topic, so that people can come to know of me.

C: I never thought a trending topic could influence so much… LYN: It’s not, really. It’s okay if I don’t have a topic, but if I had one it would be even better. It’s just icing on the cake, but life without it goes on as normal.

C: When will you come to Xinjiang? I’ll take you to eat delicious foods. LYN: Okay. I’ll go to play if I find the opportunity, and eat your delicious foods. 

C: Ning-ge, does Daimi lose her color? LYN: ?? Does she lose her color? Do you really think she’s a mop?? Actually… she has changed color. When I first got her, she was black and white. But as I continued raising her, she’s turned grey and white. I think part of the reason for this is maybe what we’re feeding her, which has caused her color to not be as black and shiny as before. She doesn’t really eat dog food. She eats sausages- that’s her main source of sustenance. She’ll only eat dog food if you hand feed it to her. She might not eat it if you give her two pieces at once. You have to feed her piece by piece. When she’s had enough she’ll stop. She likes snacks.

C: Lao-da, I’m about to start school. Can you try to stream on the weekends rather than during the week? LYN: There’s no problem with this. I’ll stream when I stream, and you can watch the playback as needed. The two don’t contradict. My streams are not at a fixed time/day. When the time comes and you can’t make it, you can just watch the playback.

C: Can you help me do my homework? LYN: I can’t help you.

LYN: ! Last time someone in the comments wrote, “Ning-ge, I lost my dog!” and then just now I think I saw “Ning-ge, I found my dog!” Congratulations. Also- I don’t know if you would like hearing this or not, but- small dogs are a part of your family (and should be treated as such). It looks like a small dog, but it’s really a small person. Suddenly losing them is a painful thing, but I’m glad you found it and I hope you learned from that. Be sure to keep a good eye on them from now on. LYN: My dog, too, would run. When I was shooting dramas before- we live in the hotel, right- as soon as the door opens, she would run outside. She just wanted to go outside to play, I don’t know what for. She wanted to be outside. One day, she got out and when I finally realized and started to look for her she wasn’t even on the same floor anymore. It scared me to death. Becuase there are so many floors, I went one by one looking for her. I had already looked for several floors with no sign of her. After a while, I don’t remember who told me, but they said, “There’s a small dog in the first floor lobby.” I went down immediately to see her wandering around. She took the elevator down. It was stopped on our floor and she probably got in and rode it down. Once on the ground floor she was dazed, looking around at everyone and thinking none of them looked like me. I almost lost her, that day. It was a long time ago now, but be sure to keep an eye on small dogs.

----------

C: Ning-ge, I lost my older brother. Could I borrow you for a few days? LYN: How about no? Forget it. LYN: You can consider me as your brother from a distant place, who you have no contact with. Go ahead and consider me your brother, but our relationship is that we are not in contact. Let’s make an example: you are my sister. We’re born from the same parents, and I’ve always wanted to learn art but we’re a transfer student family that has businesses in all different places. We have billions in inheritance. Our father wanted me to take over the family business, to become the owner of said billions. But I wanted to pursue music and acting, so I refused to inherit and decided to leave home. Our father said, “If you step out those doors, don’t ever think of coming back!” I walked to the door and turned back with a wry smile, replying, “I would never return to this house even if I died!” I slammed open the door and very unpolitely left. I’ve been out on my own ever since then. I deleted every contact from home I had including you, sister. I deleted your contact info. There’s no way I’m going home because honestly I am very happy now. I’m doing what I like to do. Please take over the billions in family inheritance for me. Our family business is counting on you. LYN: I am your brother, but we aren’t in contact and we can’t meet. Just forget it.

C: In order to fulfill your dreams, you won’t even acknowledge your sister anymore?? LYN: I think it’s like this- It’s not that I’m not acknowledging that I have a sister, it’s that this episode is not up to the reuniting step yet. On 8/17/2024, that part of the series has not been uploaded yet. Later my sister and I will fight over the inheritance, but that’s in a later stream. At this point in the story, we are not in contact. I am pursuing my dreams and she is at home preparing to take over the business. Reuniting comes later. C: Reunite when you’re 60. LYN: 60 is a little late. Let me tell you my life plan: after a certain amount of time, it could be one or several years later, I will suddenly come to realize that my family is the most important. I’ve already accomplished what I wanted to for my dreams, and I experience some event that makes me think that family is important. So I go home. There is sure to be such an episode. Let’s not rush.

C: Ge, what if our dad accepts you? LYN: Meimei, you mean that Dad accepts that I want to sing? LYN: There’s no way. I don’t believe it. Don’t try to trick me! I think you must be working together- to trick me into coming back home. No way. I can’t go back. 

C: Ning-ge, my friend says that you’re not sane. LYN: /sigh/ What sort of terrible friend?? /laughs/ You don’t have the greatest taste (in friends).

C: Dad already told me. Ge, actually, I’m adopted. Ge, come back. Let’s start over. LYN: Oh- So you’re saying that Dad is insistent on giving the business over to me and not you because you’re adopted? Oh~ So you’re adopted. We have no blood ties? - [t/n: I can see where this is going (love story), and how LYN is trying to get around that. XD] LYN: /smirks/ Wow, so thrilling?? LYN: But there’s a problem- which is that you didn’t know that I’ve always known about your birth. Dad SAYS that you were adopted but the truth is you are the daughter he had with another woman. Since it’s come to this, I have to tell you the truth. I am still your brother. We have the same father, but different mothers. Our dad tricked you. Don’t overthink this. Let’s maintain some distance.

C: Ge! I also want to be a celebrity. Why don’t you show me the ropes? LYN: Huh?? Sis, let me tell you- the life of an artist may LOOK shining and brilliant but actually it’s hard. It’s hard to get good footing in this industry. It’s not anything like what you’re thinking. Also- it’s not so easy. You think I can help you become a celebrity? I’m not even doing very well myself. If I try to bring you up, I’m afraid that we’ll both fall. Sorry, but it won’t work. I can’t take care of you. Stop thinking about it. LYN: Just take your billions in inheritance and have a nice life. 

C: Ge, if I can’t be a celebrity, then can you take me to meet some instead? LYN: Oh, so for example I have a celebrity friend and you want to meet them, so I take you to see them? So it turns out that you weren’t a fan of me, your brother, after all? The reason you’re a fan of your brother is so that you can see other celebrities?? You’re not going to ask me to help you get their autograph next, are you???

C: Ge, my best friend says that you sound like a duck! LYN: Ah. I sound like a duck??! No way, right? It doesn’t sound that bad, does it? What are you talking about?? LYN: What a terrible best friend! What type of people are you hanging out with all the time?? LYN: QUACK!

C: Ning-ge, so you did have resources backing you after all. LYN: “LYN must have someone backing him in the industry” and today the truth has come out. That’s right- it’s the Liu Group’s business empire. The story goes like this, friends: it all started from ten years ago. I decided to leave home that day- when my father said, “If you step out those doors, don’t ever think of coming back!” and I rudely talked back at him, saying, “I would never return to this house even if I died!” I started out on my own, to pursue my dream of music, me- the prince of the Liu Group. I went to pursue my dreams. At the start it was like hitting a wall, but inexplicably, slowly, I started to become more and more successful. I started finding jobs one after another. But the truth is that the Liu Group- my father- was secretly helping me. He found some companies and told them that if he invested then they would need to bring his son work in return. That’s the truth of it. I have the Liu Group Business Empire backing me.

LYN: Everything I have said so far is just for that variety show effect. I’m joking, so please don’t take it seriously or think I am trying to disrespect anyone. This is purely for show. LYN: (This all started) Because there was a friend earlier who wanted to be my little sister.

----------

LYN: Someone said that their best friend think that I sound like a duck when I talk. Now that I’m thinking about it, the more they say it, the more like one I become. C: Ning-ge, your voice is a combination of Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse. LYN: What are you talking about?? Who’s Minnie Mouse?

C: Ning-ge, what are you doing after filming wraps? LYN: After wrap I’ll be cleaning up the set after the crew. Move some props. LYN: It’s not set yet, but I have a lot to do after filming wraps. Mostly its music work. I have songs to record and business events. C: Will you have more variety shows? LYN: Only Melody Journey. And then… that’s it I think.

C: Lao-da, this time you’re really on the trending topics. #12. LYN: You’re lying to me! Really? I’m afraid to look! LYN: Let me see what’s up! - /checks it/ /is sad/ LYN: I’m sure that it was not this friend’s intention to trick me, but that they didn’t hit “trending topics” but “MY trending topics”- so it’s not the same list. You clicked on YOUR trending topics- the one IN YOUR HEART, not Weibo’s trending topics! I’m already only #13 in your heart, so what other good news do you have to tell me?? LYN: If you haven’t yet subscribed to my weibo, please so do. Thank you, everyone. C: Gege, I’m sorry. In MY trending topics, you’re #30. LYN: /laugh cries/ Today is 817, isn’t it? You want to anger me to death, don’t you? [t/n: number pun - 把我气] LYN: You dare to trick me? I think that you no longer wish to keep working in this industry. Woman- you’re playing with fire.

LYN: No but really, I’m ok. It doesn’t really matter to me if I’m trending or not. I’m only streaming- what’s there to talk about? I always stream, so it’s not a rare thing. If other artists start streaming and end up on the trending topics because of it, that’s normal. But I always stream. C: You don’t “always” stream, you stream once a month now. LYN: Once a month is already not bad. Since August has started this is already my second stream. What more do you want?

LYN: I discovered that I have an influx of student-fans. I suspect that they’re ELEMENTARY students. Because what they’re saying is so childish. “Lao-da, can you help me do my homework.” Do you think I would have gone to cooking school if I were able to solve your problem sets? I would have gone to Tsinghua or PKU, instead of grilling sweet potatoes.* And you want me to do your homework?? [t/n: 考上 (kǎo shàng) - admitted to vs. 烤上 (kǎo shàng) - grilled] C: I thought you grilled corn? LYN: I’ve done it all. LYN: They were admitted to Tsinghua. You were admitted to PKU. In the end, I grilled sweet potatoes… and corn.

C: Do you think I should go to sleep or continue watching your stream? LYN: Go to sleep. It’s already past 10p. It’s about time. You should sleep or rest when you need to.

C: Let Liu Group’s Business Empire invest in Weibo. That way you can be at whatever number on the trending topics you want. LYN: Liu Group’s Business Empire is in a parallel universe. It’s a different place from where we are right now. Don’t misunderstand. The story I was talking about earlier was about the me from a parallel universe, not the me from this universe, right now. I was merely communicating a little with someone in the parallel universe, is all. 

C: Have you given any thought into being my dad? LYN: /crosses his arms in the shape of an “X”/ LYN: Don’t mess around. You just threw me back to the days when I was playing 劲舞团 (Jin Wu Tuan) [??]. I used to love playing that game, spending my days in the internet cafe like this: /keyboard asmr/. “Boss, could I get instant noodles over here?” LYN: There were families or whatever in that game, and there would always be people going, “I’m the father/I’m the mother. You are my daughter.” At the time I thought those people were so childish. But now Ning-ge has grown up, or rather- he’s gotten old, so I can’t play like that anymore. 

C: Lao-da, I’ll be starting school in a few days, console me. LYN: It’s good to be able to pursue studies. Why should I console you? You’re lucky, but you just don’t know it.

C: Ning-ge, could you get me an autograph from Jackson Yee? LYN: Uhm. I think if I were to thicken my skin and boldly ask him for one, I would probably be able to get one. If I ask, I think he would likely give me one. I don’t think it would be a problem. But I want to ask- why should I?? Why would I do such a thing for you? I just want to ask. Are you associated with Liu Group’s Business Empire? C: Ning-ge, ask for an autograph for me and I will throw 100mil at you. LYN: /laughs/ /muttering/ You all must be crazy!

------ Break #2

C: It’s my first time hearing you whistle. LYN: !! -- 手写童话 (Handwritten Fairy Tale) [Listen-Ning EP] - /singing along/ LYN: Wait- if I’m remembering correctly, I whistle in this song, right? If I’m not wrong it’s this part. Is there, though? I forgot. - /continues singing/

LYN: One day I discovered that I have a LOT of songs… that I don’t remember how to sing anymore. Some that I even forgot existed. But I asked others singers, and they have also had this type of experience. Because sometimes the songs were released long ago or if it was not a particularly well-received song, it doesn’t have a lasting impression.

LYN: Like this song: 不求. Do you still remember it? // I’m trending on the main list at #20?  -- 不求 (Do Not Ask) [Single] LYN: This song is pretty old- maybe abound 2019?

LYN: Let me see what other songs there are… that I can’t remember. LYN: This one I can remember, because I heard it in a video edit the other day. This one’s popular lately: -- 当遇见你 (When I Met You) [Skate Into Love OST]

-- 一番星 (A Single Star) [Looking Up OST] -- 昨日少年 (The Youth of Yesterday) [Penguin Highway OST] (LYN: This one was pretty early on.) -- 隐侠 (Hidden Hero) [My Heroic Husband donghua OST (LYN: I quite like this one.) -- 生命之书 (Book of Life) [Glory of Special Forces OST] (LYN: I rarely play this on in my stream, but I do like it.) -- 爱了很久 (I’ve Been in Love for A Long Time) [Twilight OST] (LYN: This one is relatively recent.) -- 眷恋 (Nostalgia) [You Are My Hero OST] -- 本可以 (Could Have Been) [Rattan OST] -- 风衣 (Windbreaker) [Fireworks of My Heart OST] (LYN: This one, I actually really like. There was a stage I wanted to sing it on…) -- 天判 (Judgement of the Underworld) [A New Ghost Story (game) OST] (LYN: This one is old, isn’t it?) -- 愿重逢 (Wish to Reunite) [Choice Husband OST] [t/n: he didn’t actually let this one play.] -- 阳光, 海浪, 我和你 (Sunshine, Waves, Me and You) [Falling into You OST] -- 忠实观众 (Loyal Audience) [Listen-Ning EP] -- 剑魂 (Soul of the Sword) w/ Tan Jianci [20220611 Hello Saturday] -- 最浪漫的忘记 (The Most Romantic Forget) [Never Say Goodbye OST] (LYN: This one, I really have forgotten.)

LYN: Okay, that’s about enough. There are just so many songs that I liked when I was recording them but I haven’t sung them in so long, so it’s a bit of a shame. Later I’ll have to organize them and see which I can sing, then find a stage to properly showcase them. Otherwise they would have been released for nothing. It’d be a waste.

-----

LYN: I’ll chat with you a while longer before leaving. Since it’s 817 today, I just wanted to come celebrate with you, and enjoy a relaxing and beautiful night together. 

C: Get Daimi over so I can look at her. LYN: I can’t let her steal my limelight. I don’t want her to. - /calls her over anyway/ LYN: Say hello to all the uncles and aunties.

LYN: Look, she’s still sleep-dazed. She can’t even open her eyes. She was sleeping, how could you have me call her over?? Look at how sleepy she is. She doesn’t want to bother with you. - /pats Daimi/ LYN: It’s okay, I know.

C: It’s “brothers and sisters”! LYN: Nope- say hi to all the uncles and aunties.

LYN: Okay, you can go. Greet them again. /waves her paw/ She’s getting annoyed. LYN: Okay, bye bye. Go play. Go sleep. C: She just left? LYN: Yeah, she’s gone. LYN: ~ She’s gone. Without an ounce of hesitation. It seems like in this world, there is someone more important to her than me. ~

C: Like a gas tank. (round) LYN: No, she’s gotten thinner! These days I’ve been doing my best to limit the amount of sausages she gets. So she’s lost 2kgs. So it’s good- she looks a little less heavy. I think it’s a healthier state of being, for her. She’s definitely not thin, but just a little thinner.

C: She almost can’t run anymore. LYN: Yeah…

C: She needs to go on a diet, too? LYN: No- it’s just that for that period of time she was getting WAY too many sausages. She could eat 10+ in a day. That was honestly a bit remiss of me and totally not sustainable. Nowadays she only gets 5 or 6 a day? 6 or 7? X’D Estimated. It’s good enough.

-----

C: Ning-ge, do you have WeChat? LYN: No, I’m not on that platform. LYN: Also, people were asking me if I’m on other platforms… honestly the only one I’m on right now is weibo. That’s the truth. I’m mainly using weibo, and I’m not on any others.

C: Ning-ge, didn’t you play QQ Xuanwu? LYN: I was playing that, yes. I was good at it, too. I would practice every day.

C: Ning-ge, I didn’t have a signal so I climbed an electric pole to watch your stream. LYN: … LYN: So unsightly? Are you being serious or are you joking? If you’re joking, it’s not funny at all. You should be careful. Get down from there. Stop watching. Go home to watch. C: I’m on a mountain. LYN: That’s nice! When people used to ask me where I wanted to go for vacation, I would always say I wanted to go to a bustling city- Beijing or Shanghai. Because when I was little I really didn’t get out much. The farthest I’d gone was Shenyang- I’m from Dandong. But I was thinking if I ever got the chance to travel I would go to Beijing or Shanghai. Hangzhou, also. But now I really want to find nature. Somewhere where there’s not a lot of signal. I could have a tent or a wooden cabin and grill something over a fire. Like camping- somewhere with a nice view. I really want to go somewhere like that, now. C: Return to nature. LYN: I just want to find someplace where I can calm my heart/mind. Somewhere peaceful/tranquil. It’s just that these past few years- someone said earlier that they’ve spent six 817’s with me- I’ve just been constantly pushing myself forward. I get the feeling that I need to refuel. Even robots need to be maintenanced. LYN: ~ My body is not as good as previous years. Now I’d just like to find a place to peacefully spend my days. I hope you can leave me to return to the mountains and forests. ~

C: You SHOULD rest. LYN: I didn’t before because the more recent dramas were all scheduled pretty tightly close together. After Cicada Girls not a few days passed before I was in the next crew. After that once ended, I was in the next crew soon after. There wasn’t really a break between them. If I had even a month- I had about half a month but there was other work to do- but there was never any time to be still. It was hard enough even to find a whole day to play games or hang out for someplace. So after this drama wraps I’ll probably rest for… three or four years? XD LYN: For me, a day is like a year.

C: Ning-ge, I’m still waiting for a 60 year old you to tear off your shirt. LYN: Rest assured. When I hold my concert when I’m 60, I will definitely show you an old man tearing his shirt off. You just wait. I’ll perform it for you. When I’m sixty- I’ll wear a shirt so worn that it already has holes and so old that it’s yellowed. I’ll tear it off on stage. Why did I choose such a shirt? Because it’s sure to tear. At that time I’d be an old man and probably not have much strength so it needs to be ratty. So I’d wear my sweatpants and slippers and sing for you. -- /Rang Jiu (old man ver.)/ C: After you’ve described it, I don’t want to see it anymore. LYN: If you don’t want to see it then get out. Who cares if you don’t want to see it or not? Even if you don’t want to, there are still others that do. LYN: Think about it- I’ll be sixty. Many of my friends are older or maybe younger than me, but in general our age difference isn’t too big. When you’re 70 years old, or 50-60, what other forms of entertainment will you have?? I know because I’ve seen my mom- there’s mahjong. You’re either going to be playing mahjong or dancing in the square. At that age, for you to be able to go see an old man tear off his shirt - wouldn’t you call that entertainment? Let me tell you- 60 will be my year. I’m guessing it will be the peak of my career. I’ll be up on stage and the audience will be filled with 50-60 year old ladies, watching my concert. It’s going to be amazing.

LYN: Also- at that time you’d have a happy family with your children and grandchildren. You get a monthly retirement fund, and benefits insurance. There’s nothing else for you to do but be happy. You’d have full economic power. There would be no better time for you to buy tickets. LYN: Someone earlier said that they were a student-fan. In that case, you should study well. One day when you’ve graduated from college and have a successful career, at that time you can buy a concert ticket to come see me. Think about it- when all of you are 60-70, have a family and savings, it’s the best time for you. You’d have both time and money. That’s the best time. - C: 60 is the best age to make something of yourself. LYN: I wouldn’t go that far. - C: Ning-ge, is there a senior discount? LYN: No. But if you’re 50-60 and you don’t have the money to buy a concert ticket, you can go ask your children or grandchildren for it. Then, if they don’t give you the funds I will come to stream to back you up. I will continue to maintain streaming all that time, so that when you’re old and your children aren’t filial, I can come here to berate call them out. I’ll give them pressure until they treat you well. You think you’re a fan of LYN, but really you’re a fan of someone who- in case you’re old and your children aren’t filial- you’ll have a friend who will stand up for you.

C: Ning-ge, tickets for seats on the ceiling are fine for me. LYN: You can get them wherever you want- it all depends on your own circumstances. You can buy a ticket for whatever spot you want. As long as you go and have the experience, at least once.

LYN: I don’t know, though. Let’s talk again when I’m sixty. I don’t know what condition I’d be in. I know I always say that your body (health) is most important. To all the young people who are working hard right now- if you’re only in school, you have it a little easier- and for those who have difficult (labor-intensive) jobs: when have we ever paid attention to our own bodies? When have we stopped to consider whether what we’re eating is healthy or not? We haven’t. So I know I always say that health is most important, but it’s hard to put in practice. Still, we should try harder to make it important. Every time I go to the hospital, it’s terrifying. So please stay healthy, okay friends? Let’s all stay healthy so that we can make it to an old age. 

LYN: If you have not yet subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. When I have time I come to stream, but I am also shooting dramas and releasing songs. I am a singer and an actor. If you have the time, I hope you can please support my works. Thank you.

C: Ning-ge, if you’re going to tear your shirt during your concert, then how many rounds (shows) will you do it for? LYN: You must be sick. What sort of a question is that?? LYN: I’ll prepare 100 of them, so that I can tear them all on stage. Tear one, put one on, tear that one, put another one on, etc. The whole performance for the night is just me tearing shirts. Tearing 100 shirts by hand. What do you think?

C: Be healthy, be healthy! I’m going to sleep! LYN: It’s 11:30p and you’re saying that’s healthy?? Are you overseas and there’s a time difference? Why don’t you have a meal while you’re at it. They say if you’re full before you go to sleep, that’s healthy. So that there’s something in your stomach from which you can absorb nutrients while you sleep. Why don’t you try that? LYN: I heard something yesterday: A midnight snack is just breakfast a few hours ahead of time. So eat when you want. Eating a midnight snack is not a sin, you’re just eating your breakfast early. Early by six hours… we should be early for things. The early bird gets the worm, right? Whether in life or in work, we should work hard.

C: Ning-ge, I eat 5 meals a day. How would that be calculated? LYN: I don’t have the right to comment. I can only praise you for having a good home environment. It looks like you’re doing well for yourself, if you can have five meals a day. You must own a restaurant, right?? But it’s not like every time there’s a customer and you bring them their dishes, you join them for the meal, though??? // Your family DOES own a restaurant? Oh, then that’s another discussion. All I can say is 1. Eat if you want to and 2. I guess your family business is doing well. LYN: Honestly though, I think four or five meals is still okay. Because some people who work out have multiple meals a day, too. That’s what I’ve heard, at least. They’re exhausting a lot of energy, so they need to eat more to maintain it. I’m not sure how it all works. 

C: How many meals a day do you eat? LYN: Me? Maybe two or three? On average, two. I get up and eat a meal then eat another at night. Most of the time, it’s two. If I need to head out particularly early I’ll have a little breakfast, then a lunch, then a dinner. 

C: Ning-ge, I eat 8 meals a day. LYN: As long as you’re happy. I can’t stop you and I shouldn’t- LYN: There are  two words that come to mind but I am not shameless enough to say them out loud. [Animal feed?] What are you doing- what has happened to starve you so much that you need 8 meals a day?? That’s a bit much, isn’t it? - /some discussion about this/ - [t/n: I’m hearing “pixiu” and “taotie”, which are both mystical creatures, but I think the gist of it is: “Glutton”.] LYN: You’re taotie, you’re a qiling. That is- these mystical creatures that can eat a lot. You’re a… camel. XD LYN: I’m joking, I’m joking. Okay. That’s about enough.

LYN: Now there are people starting to curse at me. Looks like it’s getting a little chaotic in here. That’s okay. It doesn’t matter. LYN: If you’re sleepy, then get to sleep. Rest up. I will come to stream when I have the time.

LYN: I hope everyone had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Thank you for accompanying me, and I hope that you’re here for the next 817. Goodnight, everyone.

[crowleywowley]

I’m back b words. Deal wit it

Past sillies: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Yall know the drillll modern au headcanons with no rhyme or reason yadda yadda yadda see you under the cut *dab*

-ppl always assume Arthur is a beer guy. But tell me he wouldn’t love something more silly like a high noon or a white claw

Charles is a wine lover!!!!!!!! He bonded with Hosea over it :)

Tell me Dutch and Hosea wouldn’t have a fancy little wine cupboard in their house.

-Charles and Arthur are BOTH hardheaded about pain

Both refuse to take an ibuprofen for a headache despite the other telling them to multiple times

When Charles had appendicitis he insisted Arthur didn’t need to leave work for it (he did, of course)

John, on the other hand, thinks that every little ache is the end for him. Which does not bode well in a marriage to Abigail who has a frighteningly high pain tolerance

-Charles and Arthur are both acts of service lovers so they’re just constantly uno reversing each other with caring acts

-John is lactose intolerant. Y’all know I’m right

-John and Abigail absolutely “checked” their kids’ candy after trick or treating

Mysteriously all of the peanut m&ms were bad and had to be….. thrown out………

-speaking of Halloween, Charles’ mom sent Arthur a picture of baby Charles dressed up as a little dinosaur in 1992 and he hasn’t stoped giggling about it bc it’s JUST SO CUTE :’)

Arthur quietly wishes Charles could’ve been around when Isaac was little enough to go trick or treating. Charles came into the picture right around the time when it became uncool for him :(

-Isaac, Jack, and Marston Daughter all went to see the fnaf movie together

Arthur and John were so grateful that Isaac is old enough to drive now because they’ve had to sit through so much fnaf lore over the last 9 years and just. Do not get it

“So the bunny….. ate someone????” “Ugh dad were you even listening!!! Let’s start from the beginning.”

-one time when he was like 5 John was digging under the seat in the family car and got stuck

15 min had passed before Hosea was like …..where is he

Arthur, all of 8 years old, ran out and couldn’t stop giggling at little Johnny kicking his legs and crying

Dutch pulled him out, assured him he was fine, held back his laughter….. mostly

-When they were kids, John and Arthur had a trampoline

Arthur and the other kids in the neighborhood (namely Sean, the weirdo kid next door who was in John’s grade) would always popcorn John and he would cry

Sometimes Dutch would bounce on it and play with them but he hurt himself trying to prove he could do a backflip (he could not)

-Hosea has seen every single episode of law and order: SVU

I imagine he also made Arthur/John watch old man shows with him growing up like the Andy Griffith show

When Isaac was a baby and Grandpa Hosea would watch him, they’d cuddle up in his grandpa recliner and watch those sorts of shows :’)

-Abigail went through a weird pottery phase a few years ago so there’s a variety of oddly heavy mugs and plates in their kitchen

John is VERY proud of her though do not get it twisted. He drinks his coffee out of that heavy ass mug every morning

-This is the correct johnigail dynamic. I’m right

Thanks as always for supporting my sillies. Apologies for taking so long with this one, school was kicking my ASS for a moment there but teehee I’m almost done with college, just one month left😵 and I’m sure while I painfully hunt for a job I’ll have much more free time to dick around and spew my silliness everywhere