#they’re doing such a good job with this relationship
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I would like to make it clear that I do NOT want anyone’s firstborns, but I will ramble. for you.
rambles about the process and other thoughts under the cut! I talk a LOT, so… view at your own risk?
I originally had this idea a couple months ago, I think when I first heard the song. I had made a little test for it, which I didn’t end up doing anything with because I thought it didn’t really make much sense. Which, I’m not sure I did that great of a job making this make sense, but you know. Whatever.
this is the original drawing i made for it back in early august, very rushed and not a big fan of it.
I liked the black background & grayscale palette, as well as the way the string kind of . Twirls around the text? BUT, I went into this without any planning, mostly just me doodling and then threw the lyrics on for fun. No plot or whatever, very short.
After I made this, I was kind of just keeping this idea in mind for later, but I held back on trying to do it as I just wasn’t really sure where I wanted to go with it. I’m very bad at planning and tend to rush into things a lot, which ends up hindering the quality of a lot of my art. and since this was something I actually liked the idea of, I wanted to give it my all.
There was also the fact that because I liked the idea, I wanted the best outcome. This kind of ends up in a sort of paralysis where I don’t want to work on something because I’m not good enough for it, but I did realize that I will likely never consider myself good enough for it, so why not just go for it?
Anyway ,
I did not end up keeping the black background for the reason that I decided that this time around I wanted it to have a more traditional vibe/look? Like perhaps it was scrawled over some roughed up paper, hence the sketchy style and limited palette.
And as for why I didn’t keep the string looping around the pages, I just thought that would add too much red to the pages, sort of ruining the vibe. So I instead just kept it inside the panels!
these are the original thumbnails/sketches! most of them I kept the same, but I did end up pretty much entirely changing the third page, because I decided there was already too many panels of just their faces with somewhat unsettled expressions .
thoughts on individual pages - don’t expect me to be organized or this to be well thought out, by the way,,
on page 1 ,
I started with a shot of the relationship, mostly to just… set the scene. I am NOT an expert on comics, and went into this with very minimal planning, so this work in general is more of the vibes than it is a storyline, but I did try to vaguely get it to resemble something comprehensible.
the second panel of Etho brushing Joel’s cheek is very much no thoughts for me lol, not very happy with how it looks. I do picture Etho as the more openly affectionate one (though i can see it both ways). BUT, to match with the lyrics, you could say that the first panel paired with “it’s hard to tell which elements of this are real” could be resembling that the boat is something tangible and physical, whereas the second panel paired with “and which are chemically enhanced” is referring to whatever feelings they have. Asking themselves if this is really real, or if it’s just the game.
no notes on the third panel lol. like i say this was not well thought out, the story is somewhat there, but it’s VERY much up to interpretation and I did intend it to be that way. I have ideas about what is happening, but I want to keep it up to the viewer.
on page 2,
“But it’s not easy to tell what I want from what I need” OH BOY !!! manic red joel. blinded by the bloodlust and rage and adrenaline. he needs this. he needs it, doesn’t he?
“I am more scared of myself than I am of anyone else” okay okay okay. I don’t headcanon he has any real remorse for killing anyone. this is a death game, you’re not meant to be a good person, this is built on lies and manipulation and blood and hurt. headcanon they’re all insane people doing bad things (with a forced hand or not). BUT !!! big fan of “i break everything i touch” kind of thing (its kind of a pattern in ships i like OOPS). so much angst. regretful of your violent nature, wishing to be gentler so that you can cradle his face without digging your nails into his skin, unwanting to break the only thing you’ve learnt to love.
but. etho doesn’t care !!! he doesnt care. his hands are just as bloody as yours, don’t you see?
on page 3,
panel one is just a continuation of the last scene which i just talked about blah blah blah
panel 2!! thats a portal. we all know what happened in the portal :)
on page 4.
ending the mini comic thing with the ship burning, while it started with a shot of the ship in its prime. before and after, how it started and how it ended.
all in all, I !! AM !!! INSANE!!! about them. I could ramble for hours probably but this is already long so ending with a couple final thoughts.
this is definitely meant to be set after they’ve gone red, when in that timeframe is up to you, though. in my vision the lyrics are kind of correlating to c!joel’s thoughts/feelings/whatevers, but it can definitely go both ways - or neither way lol. This song is really just like. THEM. To me.
anywho, thank you to anyone who has put the augh’s and ough’s in the tags, they’re very gratifying haha <3
the simplest words
#sphynx rambles#you have no idea how hard it was to stay on topic. i need to just spew thoughts about smalletho in general one day. but this is not it#so i will end it there.#this took me a couple days to collect my thoughts haha but hopefully nobody minds seeing it ! i do very much enjoy talking about my process#-and stuff so. I kind of just go insane#UNRELATED but i am working on requests !! they are just taking a while because i have been in a rut with art for a while now#theres a lot going on atm. put a lot of stress on myself accidentally#mostly just unhappy with my style and unsure where i want to go from here in general#BUT i’ve made it through this so many times before so. just gotta keep plowing through. we’ll get there eventually
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Just indulging in my favorite ship. Shrimpo and RnD are married and live together now. Shrimpo married both of them, but before I get any questions I will indeed clarify that Razzle and Dazzle are NOT together, they just share Shrimpo.
Taking inspiration from ‘The Ways of a House Husband’, I think Shrimpo would take the housewife role in the relationship. He cooks, cleans, does everything a perfect wife would. Although, I imagine Shrimpo failing at a lot of chores and end up getting frustrated and not do it, but he will try again later. I already headcanoned him to be a good chef, so cooking is not problem for him
Razzle and Dazzle have jobs, I don’t know what kind of job but I’m thinking they’re both professional actors now (Voice actors? Movie actors?). They earn money and support the house. They like to spend as much time with Shrimpo when they have the chance. Razzle is the more overly clingy type while Dazzle is too shy to ask for affection. I like this dynamic because I think Razzle and Dazzle wouldn’t be too effected by Shrimpo’s bullying; Razzle finds it funny while Dazzle agrees since he’s just pessimistic that way.
I want to draw more of their marriage, I think drawing them together is fun. I’m also still trying to come up with a ship name to call them by, so far I only have Drama Club but I think that’s too vague to use. Please give me a suggestion ┐( ˘_˘)┌
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𝐓𝐇𝐄 (𝐈𝐌)𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓.𝐈𝐈 ✦ 𝐂𝐋¹⁶
SUMMARY: Charles Leclerc, a Formula 1 star, faces the decline of his reputation after breaking up with art curator Alexandra Saint Mleux. Under pressure from his team, he is forced into a fake relationship with one of the most popular influencers of the moment. NOTES: English is not my first language, so there might be some writing mistakes. I apologize for that, and feel free to point out any improvements. WC: 1.9k WARNING: teasing, fake relationship
PREVIOUS PART | MASTERLIST | SMAU VER | NEXT PART
The next morning, Charles was already regretting it. Or maybe just annoyed. Or both. He hadn’t decided yet. The truth was, the plan had started before he was even awake.
“Did you like her photo?” Lorenzo asked, barging into the room without knocking.
“Good morning to you too,” Charles replied, throwing a pillow at his brother.
“Charles, I’m serious. Did you?”
“Which photo? She posts like fifty a day.”
Lorenzo sighed and handed his phone to his brother. On the screen, Y/N’s latest post glowed—a seemingly casual photo but so flawlessly composed it was impossible not to notice the meticulous planning behind it.
“Liked it yet?” Lorenzo pressed, pointing at the heart button.
Charles mumbled something unintelligible but tapped the button anyway.
“There. Done. Now let me sleep.”
But it wasn’t done. The second his like went live, the internet worked its obsessive magic. Gossip accounts picked up on the move almost immediately. “Charles Leclerc likes Y/N’s photo. Coincidence or something more?”
Meanwhile, across the city, Y/N was sitting in a chic café, laughing quietly as her phone blew up with notifications.
“They’re fast, huh?” she commented to her best friend, Clara, who was rolling her eyes as she stirred her cappuccino.
“Are you actually enjoying this?” Clara asked, sounding a little skeptical.
“It’s not about enjoying it. It’s a job.” Y/N shrugged, though the smirk on her lips said otherwise.
Charles was never a fan of hosting dinners at home. He was more of a fine-dining restaurant kind of guy—or, when no one was looking, fast food in his car. But tonight, his apartment had turned into Sofia’s mission control.
He opened the door still in sweatpants, his hair a mess, and looking just a little tired.
“You look like a teenager,” was the first thing Y/N said as she walked in, holding a bag of desserts.
“And you always look ready for a runway,” he shot back, taking in her flawless outfit: skinny jeans, a white cropped tee, and sneakers—casual but calculated.
“Thanks. I practice.”
She waltzed in, ditching her shoes near the door and taking in the space. His apartment was minimalist but not soulless. Trophies were scattered across a shelf, abstract art he clearly didn’t choose hung on the walls, and a big couch dominated the living room, probably the epicenter of his social life.
“Do you actually live here? I expected it to be… messier,” she remarked, flopping onto the couch.
“If it were messier, you’d complain. If it were tidier, you’d say it’s fake. So, please, tell me the exact level of chaos that would make you happy.”
“You’re starting to figure me out,” she said with a laugh.
The dinner, as it turned out, was delivery that took so long to arrive they were already brainstorming the next steps of the plan before eating. Y/N sat cross-legged on the floor, her laptop open and notes scattered across the coffee table.
“Okay, we need something for the first public appearance. Nothing too obvious, but not so subtle that people miss the point.”
Charles, slouched on the couch, watched as she spoke, distracted by the businesslike tone she used.
“Do you talk this seriously all the time, or is it just when you’re in work mode?” he asked, resting his chin on his hand.
“This is serious, Leclerc,” she replied without looking up. “If you want to salvage your reputation, you’re going to have to trust me.”
He sighed, knowing she was right.
“Our first appearance could be next week, just before the Monaco race weekend. We could stroll around the streets in your car or stop at a café,” she suggested. “It’ll look casual, but everyone will notice.”
“What if we just let the rumors do their thing?” he tried.
“Because that would be too easy for you.” Y/N finally looked up. “You need to give people a reason to believe this story. And I’m very convincing.”
At that moment, the delivery arrived. Charles went to grab it while Y/N rearranged the table to make it look casually perfect.
“Let’s start small,” she said, stretching her arm out to snap a photo. He watched as she worked, following her directions like a puppet.
“This will drive people crazy,” she commented, showing him the image before posting it.
The picture showed Charles’s hand holding a wine glass and part of his torso. On the table between them sat two pizzas.
Charles rolled his eyes. “You’re good at this, I’ll admit.”
“Not just good—excellent,” she corrected.
As they ate, the tension between them grew more noticeable. While they discussed details like when she’d start appearing in the paddock, the teasing didn’t stop.
“Do you think people will actually believe I fell for you?” he asked, smirking.
“If I can pretend to find you interesting, people can believe anything,” she shot back, taking a bite of pizza.
He laughed. “Interesting? I thought you were having fun.”
“I’m a great actress,” she said, giving him a playful wink.
“Now we need more pictures,” Y/N said after a while, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Something a bit more… intimate.”
“More?” Charles sighed, clearly exhausted. “Wasn’t that last one enough?”
“Of course not! People need to believe we’re in love. Think of something subtle: holding hands, your hand on my thigh… something like that.”
Charles raised an eyebrow, a teasing smile immediately forming on his lips. “For someone who made the ‘no touching’ rule, you seem pretty eager for this. Trying to relive that night at the club?”
The comment was bold, but Y/N didn’t even blink. She simply stared at him for a moment, her calm almost irritating, before replying, “What night, Leclerc? You must be confusing me with one of your dreams.”
He chuckled, but there was something about the way she brushed off the topic that left him unsettled. After all, she had walked out that night without a word, pretending like nothing had happened. And it still nagged at him.
Unbothered, Y/N stood up and moved to the couch behind them, sitting like someone who knew exactly what they were doing.
“Come here. You need to sit next to me,” she ordered, patting the spot beside her on the couch.
Charles raised an eyebrow but stood up, following her instructions without protest. “What do I need to do now, boss?”
Y/N firmly took his hand and placed it on her thigh. With her other hand, she adjusted her phone’s camera.
“You just need to sit still,” she said, winking at him before snapping the picture. “Look, it turned out so cute!”
She showed him the result, a satisfied smile lighting up her face.
He glanced at the photo, then back at her. “You seem pretty excited about this. I’m starting to think I’m not the only one dreaming here.”
Y/N let out a small laugh, ignoring his comment as she went back to adjusting the photo’s filter. But Charles couldn’t help but notice: as much as she tried to stay in control, there was something in her eyes that hinted she might be enjoying this more than she let on.
Later, as they cleared the empty plates and went over the plan’s timeline, their eyes met. For a moment, silence filled the room. It wasn’t awkward, but it was heavy with something neither of them wanted to acknowledge.
“Well, this was… productive,” Y/N said, breaking the tension as she stood up to grab her bag.
“‘Productive’ is one way to put it,” he replied, following her to the door.
Once she left, Charles collapsed onto the couch and grabbed his phone. The picture she had just posted was already blowing up with comments. He liked it quietly before tossing the phone onto the table.
At the media day press conference, Charles had already memorized the answers Sofia had prepared for him. When someone asked about his personal life, he replied with a cryptic smile:
“I’ve been spending more time at home, enjoying it with people I like.”
Meanwhile, Y/N was doing her part. During an Instagram live, someone asked,
“Do you like Formula 1?”
She smiled, as if she knew exactly what she was doing.
“I didn’t think I did, but lately… I’ve been watching it more.”
tαglıst: @charlesgirl16 @sltwins
#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc#charles leclerc imagine#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1#formula one imagine#formula 1 fanfic#formula one#f1 imagine#f1#f1 fanfic#f1 x you
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Grassland Romance AU: Winter Winds
Summary: You've been slowly falling in love with Sylus, a strange outsider who joined your tribe some time ago. You haven't been able to pluck up the courage to say anything. However, when you are caught alone in the fiercest blizzard anyone can remember, it might not be up to you anymore.
AO3
CW: AFAB reader, no use of y/n, pet names (sweetie, little huntress), blizzard, hypothermia, hunting, nude spooning, 90% fluff by volume, sexual themes (but no sex), not proofread, melodrama (god so much melodrama).
Word count: 8k
Notes: poor Luke and Kieran have to be dogs in this AU.
“Don’t be stupid,” you scoff, “how can lemmings foretell the weather? Their brains are the size of grass seeds!” The bay mare you’re sitting astride shakes her head, before pawing through the watery, heavy snow on the ground to reach the hidden grasses underneath.
Today, as with most days, you are minding the herds with your friend Cota. The two of you are practically sisters, as her family had raised you after your parents perished when you were a young child.
“I’m not the one who said it!” She protests, leaning back to aim a kick at your foot succeeding at knocking it out of your stirrup. “I’m just telling you what Elder Shikigur said, and he said, ‘There’s too many lemmings moving, there will be a large storm coming.’”
You groan. Blizzards are a continual hazard of grassland winters. Harsh winds are able to scream across the treeless landscape with terrifying fury, tearing through even thick winter deels, and whirling snow into a blinding haze. Preparing for one means rounding up the flocks, reinforcing yurts to hold against wind and snowfall, and digging out of the yurts once the storm is through. They’re critical jobs that need to be done. That is, when the weather actually calls for it.
“It’s practically spring!” You argue, gesturing wildly to the half-melted pasture around the two of you, “It’s so damn warm, that I couldn’t even wear my thickest deel today! I would’ve been covered in sweat!”
Cota shrugs, “I’m just telling you what the elders were gossiping about.”
“Well, regardless of what they say, I’m not taking out my winter deel again until next winter.”
“I bet you would if Sylus asked you to.”
You feel the color rise in your cheeks at the sing-song tease, and the mention of his name.
You aim a return kick at Cota’s leg, but she reins her mare to the side in time to evade you. “I would not! And besides, he’s out with some of the others hunting pheasant, anyway.”
Cota’s smile grows wider, “Oh ho, so you’ve been keeping track of which hunting parties he goes with, huh?”
An irritated groan leaves your throat as your friend laughs. “Aren't you supposed to be heading back about now? I'll tell the elders you've been slacking to sit around and gossip.”
“Aw, don't pout! It's cute, all your pining. You're going to have to do something soon though, otherwise some other girl is going to catch his eye at a festival, and then what will you do?”
“I’m pretty sure you're supposed to be helping with cooking right now, aren't you?”
Cota makes her own irritated groan, “No one likes when I cook anyway!”
“Better that than you sitting here and teasing me.”
She makes a rude gesture at you, and you return it.
"Fine,” she grumbles, “but keep an eye on the weather, okay?”
“Of course, I'll let you know if the lemmings are oracles or not.”
Cota rolls her eyes with a scoff, before reining her horse around and trotting back to the village. It’s good timing, you notice the right side of the herd has started to splinter a bit, and needs to be rounded back in.
As you go about your job, you can’t stop your mind from pondering over your relationship with the strange man.
Sylus had come to the tribe as an outsider a few years ago. Strong and skilled in both riding and archery, he’d been welcomed into the fold immediately, seemingly to his own surprise. His striking appearance had immediately caught many eyes; tall, broad and strong in the chest, with eyes the color of freshly-spilled blood set in a devastatingly handsome face. The one criticism you heard of him was of his curt, reticent nature, that meant he constantly had a severe expression on his face.
Well, almost-constantly.
Within a month after joining the tribe, there had begun to be problems with a particular wolf picking off sheep in the night. It had always seemed to know where to attack, far enough away from any of the herders that it was impossible to reach him in time. It even managed to evade the vigilant Bankhar dogs, who kept constant watch on their flock, and rarely let a wolf’s presence go unpunished. The predator managed to evade everyone. Everyone except Sylus.
It had only taken two nights of Sylus on guard, before he returned in the early morning light, with the giant, tawny corpse of the wolf thrown over one shoulder. He’d managed to kill it, in the dark, with a single arrow to its skull. The entire tribe had celebrated that night; an end to the nights of doubled watches in the dark and lost sheep. Wine and kumis had run freely that night, along with music and dancing in the center of the temporary village.
The wolf’s body had been set aside, to be skinned for the fur and used as linings and blankets to guard against the frigid winter months. Even in death, it still looked fierce, its fur sleek and body corded with lean muscle that reminded you of its killer. You had bent down to examine the bared teeth, sharp and white against the pale flesh of the gums. You reached out to draw your finger over one of the fangs, curious to see if it would be sharp like a knife, or blunt like one of the Bankhar dogs.
“Disturbing the dead?”
The deep voice, close enough to feel against the back of your neck, had you stumbling backwards, and gracelessly falling on your ass. A throaty chuckle came from above your head, and you had looked up to see Sylus, his face smug and scarlet eyes dancing with laughter.
“It doesn’t count if it’s a wolf,” You grumbled, pulling yourself off the ground, “ass.”
His head was cocked to the side as you rose, finger tapping his cheek in mock-thought, “I thought a wolf was supposed to be the father of the first herdsmen? Wouldn’t that make this creature here your cousin?”
“That’s an old story, no one believes that.”
His answering smile was sharp, eyes darkening into a sneer. “Is that so?” He drew closer, close enough that you could feel his breath on your face, and feel the fabric of his deel brushing against yours. The gaze he cast down made you realize what a cornered sheep must feel like in the moments before jaws close around its throat. “I think there’s more of wolves in people than you realize.” His growl was just as deep as the dogs when they scented a threat.
A part of you wanted to shrink down in your boots, make your excuses, and flee. But, a much larger, louder part of you was indignant. How dare this man sneak up on you in the dark, make you fall over in surprise, then have the audacity to growl at you like a beast?
So you had tipped your chin up defiantly, “Better be careful. Apparently even the cleverest wolves get arrows in their heads.”
He had stared at you for a moment. Made a single blink. Then a strange, amused smile curled across his face. “Are you going to be the one to fire it, little huntress?”
“If you don’t back up, maybe I will.”
Sylus chuckled then, backing up a few steps. You released a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding, body thrumming with… anxiety? Excitement? Both? You couldn’t tell. To distract yourself, you turned your attention back to the kill.
“It’s kind of a shame, really. It’s a pretty creature.”
His head cocked to the side again, though the curiosity in his eyes seemed to be genuine this time. “Feeling bad for the predator?”
“He was just trying to live.”
He huffs a small laugh through his nose. “You’re cute.”
“Excuse me?” You look at him, deeply irritated at his patronizing tone.
“Most animals that steal livestock are weak. They’re sick, or injured. Otherwise it just isn’t worth risking the tangle with dogs or people. This one,” he gives the corpse a nudge, “was perfectly healthy. Strong. But instead of using its smarts to take on saiga, or capercaille, it decided to take the easy way out. It never would have stopped, once it knew that it could fool the shepherds.”
You had sighed a little, knowing that in this instance, he was right. “I know. It still seems like a shame. But at least we’ll stop losing so many sheep.”
You had looked up then to find Sylus staring at you with such intensity that you had taken a step backwards. “What?”
He blinked, the intensity dissipating as quickly as a strike of lightning. “Nothing, sweetie.”
“Sweetie?” Your nose wrinkled at the childish nickname.
He gave a small laugh, a mischievous glint coming to his blood red eye, “You feel pity for a predator that would have snapped you up in an instant. It’s very sweet, if maybe a bit naïve.”
“It sounds like something you’d call a toddler.”
“I suppose it does,” the glint was quickly accompanied by an equally mischievous curl to his smirk, “I suppose I’ll have to call you that when you’re acting like a toddler, sweetie.”
“Ugh. Ass.” You’d turned on your heel to return to the fire, trailed by the sound of deep, smug chuckling.
Since then, Sylus always seemed to show up near you, whether you wanted him there or not. And, at least at first, you certainly leaned more towards the former. He had a talent for approaching silently, getting that smugly pleased look from startling you into stumbling or squeaking. He also began to challenge you, goading you into contests or archery, or riding, or throwing knuckle bones. He was nearly impossible to beat, and even on the rare occasions that you won, he had the gall to look completely unbothered by your triumph.
Really, after a few months, you should have hated him.
But in between all of the needling and teasing and challenges, you began to learn more about Sylus. You learned that he enjoyed being out hunting or riding far more than he enjoyed being surrounded by people, even if they were praising him. You learned the long-limbed black stallion he rode when he first encountered your tribe had been declared untamable before Sylus had taken him. When one of the livestock dogs died shortly after having two pups, you even learned that (if he wanted to be) he could be downright gentle. He’d done so well in helping care for the pair, that as they grew, they followed him everywhere and obeyed his every command. All of this new familiarity, so at odds with your first impression of him, had cultivated a quiet companionship between the two of you.
Even more surprising were the moments of softness, startlingly close to affection. When Sylus had sat drinking kumis with you on the new year, and you’d excitedly shared your hopes for what was to come, he listened with a quiet smile. He’d brought you the furs from the wolf he’d killed when you caught a particularly nasty winter cold, and had even insisted you keep it after you recovered. When you met other tribes for trade, he often found you afterwards, giving you some ornament or silk from beyond the grasslands. Despite the fact he’d never admitted to it, you knew that when his two dogs accompanied you out into the grasses to watch the flocks, he’d commanded them to do so.
Maybe most importantly, he’d specifically sought you out to show you a den where wolf cubs were playing in the summer, knowing you’d like to see them tussle.
They’d been adorable, large paws and ears far too big for their fluffy bodies. The two of you had left your horses some yards away and sat down a bit distant from the pups, down wind and silent so as not to give your presence away. For a while you couldn't take your eyes off their energetic forms, tussling in the dust in front of the den, chewing on each others’ ears, yelping and licking when it became too rough. Eventually you'd looked to Sylus to ask him something, but your eyes had fallen on the short, recurve bow at his side.
“You're not going to kill them, are you?” You'd whispered
He raised an eyebrow at you in a wordless question.
You checked quickly to make sure the pups hadn't heard you. Fortunately, they still seemed to be involved in their own games.
“I mean. I know they're wolves. They might eat our flocks when they get older. But, they're just babies.”
He blinked at you, with an odd, expression you couldn't place. He rose soon after, walking silently away from the den. You'd followed him, confused.
“Hey,” you hissed, “What are you doing now?”
“Leaving. One parent or the other would've been back soon to feed them. Then I would've actually had to use this.” He tapped the bow that was now slung over his shoulder.
“Oh.” You murmured, realization dawning, “Is that what you brought it for? If one of the parents came back?”
“I certainly wouldn't have needed it to kill a fragile little pup.” He scoffed. “Besides, there's no use in killing something weak and defenseless. Though it's nice to know just how highly you think of me, sweetie.”
“That's not-” a frustrated noise had escaped you as you struggled for words, “I don't think that of you. It just… others would have done that. To make sure they didn't grow up to prey on our animals.”
He turned to you then, with a gaze that seemed to be searching you, trying to find the truth of something. “And I'm ‘others’ to you?”
“Of course not!”
He arched an eyebrow for the second time that day at the vehemence in your voice.
"You're the strongest warrior we have. And an infuriating opponent. But you're also the person who protects orphaned dogs. And brings me extra furs when I'm sick. And-” you stopped yourself before you could incriminate yourself further, taking a small breath to collect yourself. “You're Sylus. Not… Others.”
There was a small silence between the two of you for a moment, as you walked over the flowing grasses together. The only sound was the occasional waves of wind across the landscape.
It was broken, only slightly, by Sylus repeating those words. “Not others.” He said them quietly, slowly, as though testing out strange words in a new language. When you turned to look at him, you caught a glimpse of a small, soft smile on his face. A look so deeply genuine, and beautifully content, it made your breath catch in your chest.
Things had begun to change after the day with the wolves. You were beginning to come familiar with the slight curve of his smile, his real smile. Instead of your usual irritation, the glint that so often came to his eye when he was planning mischief fanned a wave of warmth in you. You began craving the slight huff of breath he gave when amused with something you’d done. The deep chuckle he sometimes gave when his body drew close to yours made something strange and molten coil in your gut. When he was out hunting saiga, you found yourself unusually sullen and snappish. And when you heard people whooping and clamoring at the return of the hunting parties, you’d be jostling to the front of the small crowd to see him.
You’d started to notice things though, in this time. The gossip among the elders as they cooked about when Sylus would marry, and whose granddaughter would be the lucky catch. The gaggles of women that followed him when he’d practice archery or spectate his races, giggling and blushing. Some of the bolder women would even bring him wine at the fireside and try to curl against him (you wished sometimes that he’d respond with more than amused chuckles at their ridiculousness, though it did produce a gratifying amount of insult in the rejected ladies). Last year at the games, you noticed he’d received pouches from women of every tribe. The smug look he gave you when he’d noticed you glaring at them had been insufferable, and you couldn’t quite force yourself to congratulate him on the numerous offers.
And yet, Sylus remained alone. You didn’t even notice other women entering his yurt (though you’d die before you admitted to watching for such). You didn’t know what you’d do if he did take an interest in someone. The thought of someone else being transfixed by that soft smile in the quiet hours of the night made bile rise in your throat. But there was always the chance that he simply valued his freedom; and being rejected in favor of an ideal you could never match seemed just as nauseating.
You mull over these thoughts as you and your mare round the goats back to the group. Or, at least, attempt to. One of the damn things stubbornly refuses to rejoin the group. You can swear you see defiance in its eyes when it looks at you. Challenging you. Mocking, even. Every time you have it going the right direction, it turns and bolts in a random direction, leaving you and your bay sliding in the slush. You then have to catch back up to it, and start herding it back once more.
You’re an excellent shepherdess, with a keen eye and a skilled hand with a bow. You've rarely lost an animal on your watch, and certainly never on purpose. But at this point, even you are beginning to think that losing one goat would really not be all that bad if it means this one wouldn’t be part of the herd anymore. Besides, a wind is beginning to rise, a cold one that cuts through the previously-warm day like a freshly-sharpened knife. You’re beginning to wonder if maybe the lemmings were smarter than you’d thought.
After one more, particularly long chase, you give in.
“Fine then!” You yell at the animal, which stood watching you with unaffected eyes as it chewed grass, “you want to deal with a blizzard alone? Go ahead! I’ll laugh when you end up as a goat-cicle! Laugh!”
With a huff, you turn your horse about, ready to gallop back to the herd, and start moving them to a more sheltered part of the pasture. The animals, however, have moved further away on their own. You can see the large dark mass of them in the distance, and you feel a slight unease in your gut. You're not sure how much you believe about oracle lemmings, but you know livestock well; They instinctively group up close when bad weather is imminent, and it seems that they are bracing for a storm now.
Even more worrying is the wall of iron-gray clouds you see blowing in. They're advancing rapidly, overtaking the sky at a pace you've rarely seen before. The wind, too, is beginning to blow so furiously it all but screams, whipping any unmelted snow up into the air.
You again feel that unease in your gut. The village is even further than the herd from where you are at the moment. Thanks to the previously warm weather, you're woefully unprepared to weather a blizzard alone. But both your other options are bleak; either try to make it to the village and hope there's not enough falling snow to make you lose your way, or try your luck with the herd and hope their bodies keep you warm enough to make it through. At least if you make it to the village, your survival is guaranteed. The same can't be said of the herd.
You rein your mare toward the direction of the village, just as the first volley of fresh snowflakes batter your face and hands. And despite your own dire situation, you can't help but think of Sylus, out with the other hunters. They may have arrived home already, and even if they haven’t, their chances are good; the men should be able to find protection from the wind and cold in a group. Nevertheless, your gut twists with anxiety. Hunters rarely stay completely together. And even in the few minutes you’ve been galloping towards the village, visibility is worsening. The gusts of wind have turned into blasts, ripping through your deel and chilling you to your bones. The blasts are also heaving the already-fallen snowflakes up to rejoin the fresh ones in the air, and creating moments where the landscape is inscrutable.
Between the moments of furious wind, you can see the outline of the village. Even as your heart pounds with hope at the sight, a needling numbness begins to take hold in your hands, making it difficult to keep hold of the reins. You try to switch hands; tucking one into the overlapping fold of your deel in an effort to keep it warm, before switching to the other. The biting wind, though, is so vicious and unforgiving, that it takes a mere few seconds for whatever warmth one hand has gained to be lost. At the same time, the numbness has taken hold in your feet, making it impossible to distribute your weight properly. The violent shivers as your body tries to warm itself are a further complication.
It only takes one misstep from your mare. One hoof landing on some uneven ground, causing her to stumble. And despite the high-backed saddle, and your best efforts, it’s impossible to keep your seat. You land hard in the snow. It’s soft enough, at least, that you’re pretty sure nothing is broken. Not that it matters much. Lost and alone in the screaming wind, and featureless white storm, you are as good as dead.
It feels like an eternity that you lie there in the snow, body wracked by violent shivers in a last-ditch attempt to survive. Logically you know it can’t have been more than a handful of minutes, since you are still alive and conscious, but time loses its meaning in a situation like this. Everything ceases to exist, save for the horrible wind and the bone-deep, soul-leaching cold. The snow is falling fast, fast enough that it’s already covered you as you try to huddle for a semblance of warmth. You’ve been buried alive, waiting to die as the world around you slowly quiets and darkens.
A morbid part of you wonders if the tribe will find you, once the snow begins to melt. You imagine Cota will insist they stay long enough to find your remains. You hope she doesn’t feel guilty; neither of you could’ve known the storm would come on so fast. Your mind wanders to Sylus, too. Did the hunters make it back home before the storm hit? You pray they did; or at least they were together when the snow began to fall. The thought of Sylus in the same situation as yourself seems impossible. You have to believe it’s impossible. Entertaining any other idea strikes a dread into your heart as cold as your little tomb. You pray instead that he’s made it back, that he is safe, and warm. And, if you’re able to be a little idealistic, perhaps wondering where you are.
Quite suddenly, a sound shatters your quiet morbidity. Stark against the background of shrieking wind, there is a deep bark. Then another, closer. Soon, there is a constant barrage of the noises.
Hope burns bright in your heart. Maybe, just maybe, all is not yet lost.
You try to shift under the snow, trying to claw your way out of your icy grave. But your limbs are trembling so hard, so frequently, that controlling them is near impossible. Worse, your muscles are becoming weak. Soon they’ll be too exhausted to even shiver, much less move the heavy snow that entombs you. Nevertheless, you have to try. You must try. Because if you don’t, your last hope of warmth will move on, and then you will truly be as good as dead.
Your efforts come to a halt when a startlingly loud crunching begins in the snow above and around you. It doesn’t take long before the blanket of snow is lifted from your head, and a warm puff of air greets your face.
You open your eyes. And instead of a blinding white storm, your vision is filled with deep brown eyes set in a furry face as black as night. The same face that Sylus has sent to accompany you on night watches and sunny days alike. You smile at the familiar creature, despite the chattering of your teeth.
“H-hey, boy.” You whisper, your numb hand reaching up to sink into the dog’s deep fur. You can still hear his brother nearby, barking furiously above the wind.
Though Sylus knows them at a glance, you've never been particularly good at telling the two dogs apart by looks. They're both black, with intelligent eyes and powerful frames. In behavior though, they are slightly different. Gerel is louder, and more playful. Khar, though quieter, is definitely the smarter of the two. He's likely the one blocking your body from the worst of the wind, now.
You try to call Gerel over as his brother curls himself around your quivering body, but it’s too hard to draw a deep breath. Instead, you lean against the one lying on you, burying your face and hands against the one reprieve from the cold. You can think of nothing else but how good the slight amount of warmth feels, even as your fingers begin to burn slightly from the frostbite. It is a promising pain, one that feels of returning life rather than looming nothingness. You doubt it will be enough to truly save you, but at least you have some source of comfort now.
Eventually Gerel goes quiet, and you begin to worry he's become lost in the storm as well. You lift your face from Khar's fur, and try again to call his brother, but fail. Khar perks up, though, his massive tail wagging a fan-shaped dent in the snow. Perhaps he can smell his brother on the fierce wind?
A few moments later, you hear it. A deep, commanding voice that cuts through the shrieking wind like a blade, calling your name.
Sylus.
You don’t know why he’s here, or if he’s even real. It may be an illusion conjured by your failing mind and body. It does not matter. Real or not, you must go to him.
You try to draw yourself up, try to call his name, but Khar remains a dead weight on you. You try to shove him, but your muscles are still shaking uncontrollably, making any efforts to dislodge Khar useless.
Please, you think desperately, please, I need to go to him. I need him, I need Sylus.
In the midst of your struggle with the animal laying on you, you very nearly miss the crunching of snow approaching you. Gerel soon appears, fur nearly white with the coating of heavy, wet snow that clings to him. And directly behind him is a sight that would make you weep if you had the breath for it.
It's Sylus. He's battered by the wind and ice as he wades through the fresh snow, only a step behind Gerel. His face bears a sharp, unwavering determination and ferocity that puts even this storm to shame as he wades through the drifts. His eyes, bright scarlet amidst the daunting white, lock onto yours. Only when his master is a single step away from you does Khar finally wiggle himself off of you. The wind immediately rips away all the warmth the dog has lent you. But you feel the loss only for a moment, as in the next breath, Sylus has yanked you bodily out of the snow and crushed you against himself.
“Found you,” his deep voice is quiet, heavy with an emotion you can’t name. And oh, oh, even if this is a dream sent to ease your last moments, you do not care. There is no one you’d rather imagine at your side right now.
He releases you, only slightly, to tug off his own gloves and put them on your trembling hands. The heat that envelopes them makes your skin burn, and a whine that is half-choked by shivers bubble out of your throat.
“Bear with it,” he murmurs, wrapping a thicker, warm deel over your current one, “You won’t be able to beat me at archery if you lose your fingers, little huntress.”
Normally, you would call him an ass, berate him for worrying about losing his archery competitor as he gave you a smug smile for taking his bait. But you can’t. Your mind is foggy, and all you can do is curl into him as he sweeps you up into his arms. You notice briefly that his eyes have narrowed again. He looks… irritated maybe? Angry? You aren’t sure. Before you can think about it for very long, though, you are distracted by a sharp whistle from Sylus, shrill and sharp even over the unending wind. It’s followed by a whinny, as his tall, powerful horse wades through the snow with a determination identical to his master’s.
Sylus walks to meet the horse halfway. He says something, and then suddenly his arm drops out from under your legs. You stumble slightly, knees buckling under your own weight as your boots drop through the knee-high snow. You are strangely surprised when you don't hit the ground, and it takes you a moment to realize that Sylus has a hold on your waist, steadying you.
Oh. He was going to set you down. That's what he had said. Of course.
You look up at him, and find a hard expression on his face. Why does he look angry now? You don’t understand.
His bright eyes bore into your own, cutting through the confusion for a moment. When his voice comes, it is a command, not a request.
“Stay with me.”
You're not sure why he's saying this. It's not like you're going anywhere. All you want right now is to just curl up and sleep, back in his arms, if possible. But you nod anyway.
Sylus swings himself up onto his horse, settling himself behind the canticle. This again confuses you. You're supposed to sit on the seat. Not behind it. But before you can continue puzzling over this, Sylus has bent half-over, wrapped an arm around you once more, and hauled you up against the side of the horse. The pressure of it is uncomfortable, and you try to squirm out of the grasp. Sylus's hold is sure, though, and before you can break it, he's hooked the other arm under your knee, and lifted you up into the seat of the saddle.
You try to brace your legs, to keep your seat as the stallion begins to move beneath you, but your vicious shivers make it difficult to control your limbs, even for an action as instinctive to you as walking. Before you can falter though, Sylus’s arm wraps around you, holding you safe and steady against him.
You do your best to keep your eyes open against the biting wind and freezing snow. But the scant amount of warmth you can feel through the thickness of both your clothes, paired with the movements of the stallion slowed by the snow, is almost hypnotic. And you are tired, oh, so tired.
“You lost this game,” he says, in that damn smug voice that always makes you want to punch his arm.
“Game?”
He gives an affirmative hum. “Hide and seek. I found you, didn't I? That's another victory for me.”
You give a grunt of disgust, still not sure what he's talking about, but irritated by the condescension in his voice all the same.
“Don't be such a sore loser, sweetie.”
You don't know why you're even sitting on the same horse as him.
“A-ass,” you hiss around the waves of shivers. “Sh-should. P-push off.”
The dark chuckle behind you is as alluring as it is infuriating. “I'd love to see you try.”
You do try, for a moment, pushing against his hold. But you are soon frustrated by how clumsy your movements are, and exhausted by the effort. Sylus's tight grip is immovable anyway.
“Seems I'm still on the horse, sweetie.” Comes the singsong mocking from behind you.
You give a grunt in response. You can't be bothered to be angry. All you can feel is the heavy tiredness dulling all your senses.
Sylus says your name, sharply. There's an odd tone to it. You don't care enough to think about why.
You're vaguely aware of being jostled. And then, for a while, you are senseless.
The damn shivering is what wakes you. It's so violent and pervasive that it drives the breath from your lungs, leaving you gasping between the waves of trembling to try and regain it. On instinct, you try to curl into yourself, but are unable to. In fact, apart from the tremors, you can’t move your body at all. You seem to be surrounded by some sort of heavy mass, pressing on every inch of you. You struggle, pushing against the weight near your face to get some breathing room. The mass grunts, then moves away for a moment, freeing your head and upper body. You have only a moment of reprieve from the claustrophobia before…
Something warm, wet, and slimy drags across your face.
“Ur-rgh!” You bring a quivering arm up to rub away the slime.
A deep chuckle rumbles behind you, the breath of it close enough to make warmth fan across the back of your skull, “Is that how you thank Khar for helping to save your life, sweetie?”
Your eyes snap open at the familiar voice; although instead of the carmine eyes and seductive smirk you expect, your vision is filled (for the second time today) by pitch-dark fur and smiling brown eyes set in a distinctly canine face. Right as that same face applies another sloppy lick to yours.
“Kh-khar!” You squeak, bringing your now-free arms up to protect your face from the onslaught of affection. “Th-thanks, but s-stop!”
Khar obediently jumps down from where you’re laying, though he gives you a pathetic whine. A further weight is removed from your lower half when Gerel reluctantly hefts himself off of you to join his brother on the floor, giving you a similarly dejected look.
Without Khar laying on you, you can see more of your surroundings. It’s clear that you’re in a yurt, one that is unfamiliar to you. The only light source is the barely-visible fire crackling complacently in the small stove at the center, leaving much of the place in shadow. Is it night, then? Why are you here? And why do your hands and feet feel like they are burning?
You flex your hands between shivers in an attempt to stop the strange, tingling heat. If anything, that seems to make the feeling sharper, more biting in its ferocity. Shifting them out from underneath a heavy woolen blanket and furs to inspect them gives no answers, given the dim light.
“Can you still feel them?” Sylus’s voice, humorless this time, cuts through the slowly-lifting fog of unconsciousness and confusion.
“H-hurts.”
“Good, that means there’s still life in them. Better than losing such pretty fingers to frostbite.” Memories come to you at the word ‘frostbite’. They are hazy, as though recalling a dream several hours after waking; the dogs finding you in the snow, warming you and guiding Sylus to you through the blinding storm, Sylus carrying you in his arms, and keeping you upright in the saddle before you drifted into unconsciousness.
“Syl-” Your words are cut short. In trying to turn to face him, you realize that his powerful arm is curled around your waist.
Your naked waist. And at your back, you do not feel the rough texture of clothes; but instead the heated, sticky kind of softness of skin on bare skin.
Your body stills in shock; suddenly, you are horribly, wonderfully conscious of every inch Sylus has pressed against you: The firmness of his chest, the sharp jut of his hips, the tangle of his legs around and between yours, and (both the most enticing and mortifying of all) the warm, heavy weight of what must be his cock nestled against your ass.
That damned smug chuckle comes again, “I was wondering how long it would take you to notice. It took you a while; maybe I should be more worried about your head than your fingers, hm?”
You stutter a few times, as your mind comes to terms with your situation, before blurting in a rush, “Where are my clothes, Sylus!? Where are yours!?”
“Ah, you mean our freezing, sopping wet clothes?” His tone is almost sing-song in its blithe news, and bereft of any shame, “I took the liberty of removing them so that you didn't continue freezing to death.”
Somehow, his complete lack of any embarrassment heightens your own, as though your mind has determined to make up the difference between the pair of you. The heated panic in combination with exhaustion, confusion, and desire collide in a nerve-wracking swirl. You scramble wildly to get up, get away from this source of searing, tumultuous emotions. But the movement of your hands makes them burn as you try to gain purchase In the blankets and furs, and his arm around you is immovable as stone. “You- I- Couldn’t you have just thrown a blanket on me or- or something!? Gods, let go!”
He gives a derisive snort. “You would have just frozen to death under a blanket instead of snow. You didn’t have any heat left to trap, so I lent you some of mine. And no.”
“No what?”
“I just risked my life in a blizzard hunting for you, and I’m not about to let all my effort go to waste when I’ve already caught my prize. So, no, I will not be letting you go.”
“This isn’t- Can’t you just put on some damned pants, at least?”
“Hm, I could… but are you sure you want me to?”
“Sylus!!”
He gives a full laugh at your flustered squeak, “Once I’m sure that you’ve completely warmed up, I will. Until then, I suggest you stay still. Unless you’d like me to warm you up a different way. But I’d suggest waiting until your hands have healed.”
He must be teasing, surely. Delighting in your embarrassment as always. Still, a tiny, idiotically hopeful part of you can’t help but wonder… if you were able to see his face right now, would you see a small glimmer of want for you underneath the inscrutable mask? You dismiss the thought quickly. Even if you were able to see his face, you’d only see that damn self-satisfied smirk that makes your stomach twist.
“The elders are going to be insufferable about this,” You mutter, desperate you lay those thoughts to rest. Well, as best as you can, considering Sylus is curled around you.
“So what? Let them talk.”
“Easy for you to say. They won’t say anything to you; you’re the one half of them are looking to marry their daughters off to.” You’re only aware of the venom in your last few words after they’ve already left your mouth. You pray Sylus doesn’t notice.
But of course he does.
“Jealous, little huntress?” You can hear the smile in his voice
“You’re an ass, do you know that?”
“I’m hurt sweetie. I run out into a storm to find my poor, lost huntress, and in return she calls me an ass.”
He gives a mock-sigh, but something in his words raises a question in your mind. Sylus had been out with the other hunters just before the storm hit. You hadn’t even been sure he would make it back to the village in time, but somehow he managed to find you?
“How did you even know I was out there?”
Sylus pauses for a moment. His voice, once he does speak, is startlingly somber. “Some of the hunting group saw the cloud wall rolling in. We rode back as fast as possible. Even so, if we’d had further to go, the wind would’ve outpaced us. I’ve never seen clouds that heavy and fast, outside of summer storms.”
“I tried to ride back too, when I saw them. But with the cold, I couldn’t feel my hands, and the rough ground…” You trail off, fully prepared to be teased about your riding skills. Instead, you feel an ever-so-slight tightening of his arm around you. You wonder if he’s even aware of his own movement.
Sylus continues, “When we arrived, people came out to greet us and help get everything secured before the worst of the storm. I didn’t see you throwing people out of the way like usual.”
“I do not throw people out of the way,” You mutter.
“If you say so, little huntress.” You can hear the smile in his voice for a moment, though it disappears when he continues, “I found Cota, and asked where you were. When she said you were out shepherding, I knew you wouldn’t make it back before the snow came. So, I took Khar and Gerel, and had them track you.”
“Was anyone else missing?”
“We’ll find out after the storm.”
The two of you are quiet for a moment, as you process his response. He didn’t notice anyone else was gone. He didn’t ask to see if any others were lost. He didn’t bother to try and search for anyone else in the snow.
He noticed you were missing.
He asked where you were.
He went into the storm for you.
“You… Sylus, were you out in that storm, just to find me?”
A small, humorless huff of laughter fans across the back of your skull again. “I wasn’t out there just taking a stroll, sweetie.”
“You could’ve lost Gerel and Khar. And your horse. And your life.”
“Worried about me, hm?”
Of course you were. Sylus is a strong, clever man. Perhaps the greatest warrior and hunter your tribe has known; but even the greatest of mortals are brought to their knees by the forces of nature and the whims of chance. You want to tell him all this, tell him that the thought of him standing alone amidst the howling winds, searching for the path to safety… even just thinking about it makes your chest feel as empty and cold as the storm still raging outside. Your breath catches, and you cannot force the words, glutted with feelings as they are, out of your throat.
So instead you reply, “It’s a big risk to take.”
“Maybe.” His tone is nonchalant, as though he is talking about what he’d brought home from hunting, rather than the act of risking his dearest possessions and life trying to save you in near-hopeless conditions. “But I don’t gamble unless the prize is worth the risk.”
It takes you a moment to digest the words, heart caught in your throat, hardly daring to believe that you’ve understood him correctly. A fragile but brilliant hope lights in your chest. You had been aware of the friendship that had begun to form between you and Sylus, and you had been aware of your desire to be something more to him, to be someone he wanted. But you hadn’t dared to imagine occupying a position of such value to him.
“You think I’m worth all that…?”
You don’t mean to say the words aloud, but the exhaustion loosens your lips just enough for them to spill out. Immediately your stomach lurches at a strange, shifting fear. Perhaps speaking the thought aloud has crossed some sort of line, daring the universe to snuff out your hope just as it had been lit.
A soft, teasing lilt returns to his voice as he speaks, “I believe that’s what I just said, little huntress. Hm, maybe I should be more concerned about your head.” The hand that isn’t curled around your middle gives the top of your head a soft tap, tap, tap.
A small, breathless laugh bubbles up out of your chest, the hope within you flaring bright and making your heart race. You don’t know how he manages to do it; to convey something as heartfelt as ‘you are worth risking my life and all I hold dear’, while simultaneously sounding like it’s the most simple thing in the world. Something that should be obvious even to a small child.
It’s a special talent you’ve noticed in Sylus ever since that day with the wolf pups; he makes you want to throttle him one moment, and in the next breath he’ll speak with such sincere simplicity that it utterly disarms you. He somehow manages to walk that fine line between keeping you on your toes with bantering, and keeping you grounded with his forthrightness. It's addictive. It's comforting. You're not even sure if it's something he tries to do, or if his natural state of being is just something that draws your soul in effortlessly.
You need to face him.
You turn in his grasp to look at him, trying to ignore the burst of prickling heat in your hands. It's worth the pain. Sylus is a striking picture in the low light; all silvery tousled hair, gold skin, and sanguine eyes, graced by a rare look of surprise for just a moment.
And then his face relaxes into a soft look, one you've started to see more and more, but never fails to make your heart race faster than a horse galloping over the grass sea.
“There you are,” he murmurs, voice rough and low. And you simply cannot help it. Frostbite be damned. You might die if you don't kiss him, and you've come close enough to that today already. You have to kiss him.
The press of your lips against his is insistent, but chaste. At least, at first. Sylus takes in a sharp breath, and for a fraction of a second you wonder if you've misread, if you've pushed too far. And then, his mouth becomes soft, and pliant, and something in your chest melts when the arm he has around you slides up your spine to press at the nape of your neck, leaving gooseflesh in its wake. A pleased sigh escapes you, unbidden. Before you are quite aware of your own movements, your hand is at his jaw, cupping his face, trying to pull him closer.
A new flare of pain sears your hand at the pressure, and you reflexively pull away with a hiss.
You open your eyes (when did they close?) to see Sylus, pupils blown wide, looking at you with that same sort of ferocity and determination you saw in him earlier, when your eyes met his in the storm. And for a moment, caught in that unwavering intensity, you swear your heart forgets how to beat.
His eyes remain fixed on your own as he takes your wrist and gently (too gently) moves it away from his face, which has settled back into its usual near-arrogant smirk. Reality crashes in on you then. You are in Sylus's yurt, kissing him, sharing a bed, naked. The realization is followed by a disorienting mix of embarrassment, pride, shame, and excitement. You've just kissed him for the first time, and you know if it weren't for the pain in your hands you would have taken as much as he would give you. Begged for it, maybe. What does he think of you now? How much would he let you take? What would you tell everyone once you left here?
But as usual, when your mind threatens to whirl itself into chaos, Sylus cuts through it.
“I'll have to collect on that part of my prize later, little huntress,” He murmurs, and you wonder if it is merely your imagination, or if he is actually as breathless as you are. His thumb strokes across the soft skin at the underside of your wrist, across the vein where your pulse is thrumming like a caught hare's. “I want to see what those pretty hands can do to me when they're all healed.”
Hearing him say it out loud makes the embarrassment resurface with a vengeance, and the barely-leashed heat in Sylus's gaze makes it unbearable. Breaking the stare, you take your hand back and shuffle under the blankets once more, until the hem falls across your cheek.
Sylus's amused chuckle earns him a glare from you, but your indignation is quickly soothed over as he drags his fingers through your hair, across your scalp, gently untangling the strands. After a few minutes, the gentle scratching opens the door for a wave of exhaustion, heightened by the warm darkness and the muffled howling of the winter winds outside.
You wonder, vaguely, if the touch was meant in apology, or to make you drowsy. You're not sure it matters. Sylus is here, looking at you with that affectionate, soft smile, as your lips begin to flutter.
“Sleep, shevonica,” is the last thing you hear before drifting into unconsciousness. This time, in the safety and warmth of Sylus’s hold.
#Sylus#l&ds sylus#love and deepspace sylus#sylus x reader#lads sylus#Sylus x you#my fic#lnds sylus#grassland romance au#qin che#sylus fluff#afab reader#sylus romance#love and deepspace
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batfam and the fanfic tropes i’m giving them
ft. bruce, dick, and jason
bruce
child’s teacher x single parent i mean that’s literally him. but also i like the idea of exploring his partner’s relationship with his kids
i want somebody to write like a bruce x whoever fic (whoever it is isn’t that important but i’m just saying i do think superbat is fun) with that trope
some college au where like all the kids have taken one of prof kent’s class and they all think he should be their dad
because they don’t want to leave their new dad
they’re hyping bruce up without him even knowing during their office hours
“like yknow prof kent, my dad has a dinosaur”
“oh…that’s certainly…interesting? i’m not sure what this has to do with intro to investigative journalism though”
“you could investigate the dinosaur! actually, we always have a big thanksgiving dinner and our butler, alfred, makes the best stuffing. why don’t you come over and check it out?”
“i’m not sure that’s appropriate of me as your professor. also i’m not sure a dinosaur would be a suitable—”
“you could get an exclusive interview with gotham’s richest and most eligible bachelor? um and we’ll throw in some wayne enterprises secrets too”
“…what was the address again?”
also i think he just gives me enemies to lovers vibes
maybe it has something to do with his canonical relationships
dick
meet cute i think he’s the only one who’s smooth enough to make this not awkward
like it is sort of awkward because this man flirts using puns but i feel like he’s charming enough to make it work
“hey girl are you a booger because i would pick you first” and then rolls nat20
fake dating
i feel like he would agree to it whether or not he actually liked the other person. honestly he might come up with the idea himself
he’s a naturally flirty guy and if he didn’t have a crush on the other person before he’s going to be so smooth with it
but then he spends time with them and he finds himself slower falling for them?
and like even if he ramps up the flirting, maybe tries to be more physical or spend more time with them, he’s not getting his message across and now he’s shooting himself in the foot for agreeing to this in the first place (and not realizing his own feelings and making a move before all of this happened)
but also maybe he’s just dense because he’s not picking up on the fact that they are doing a really bad job at hiding their feelings for him too
ALTERNATIVELY he goes into it already liking them
he thinks he’s going to be soooo smooth and charm them off their feet and then boom they’ll be dating for real
but for the first time in his life he’s stuttering and not knowing what to do and it’s really annoying how even when he’s like that, or maybe because he’s like that, he’s just as cute as he always is
he’s just a lover boy
jason
friends to lovers man seems like he needs to really trust somebody and have an emotional connection with them before pursuing a relationship
also this man canonically cannot flirt and cannot pick up on flirting so i don’t really think meet cutes are gonna work
i’m just imagining they’ve been friends for a while
it took him a really long time to open up. slowly, bit by bit, he reveals more of himself to his friend until he can honestly say they’re one of the people who knows him best
i think one of his biggest fears is not being good enough, like he’ll scare them away with all of his baggage and flaws. every time they have a late night conversation he lets his guard down a little and tests the water. he’ll give them a crumb and see how it goes. honestly, he’s terrified of their reaction but when things go well, he can’t help but want to give them more of himself
i think he’s always had bigger things in his life to worry about other than romance
is he a hopeless romantic? absolutely, if his bookshelf is anything to go by. but i think in some ways he has removed himself from that possibility a long time ago and maybe doesn’t see how he could be at all like the people in happy, loving, stable relationships that he reads about
it’ll take him a long time to realize his own emotions, much less act on them
and because of that, i think
idiots in love would also fit him very well. sorry i just think this guy is emotionally repressed and stupid and if the other person doesn’t figure shit out i don’t think he will either
i sure am roasting him a lot for someone who has a blog dedicated to him
but anyways, i feel like it would take a push for him to confess. whether that be a life threatening injury to either of them or maybe they’re getting too close to another person. i think he would need to come to terms with the fact that he could lose them and then decide that he would rather take the risk than never try
don’t think he’s making a move until he’s at least somewhat sure that the other person likes him back though
this is the best case scenario though. depending on what stage of his life he’s in when he meets somebody he likes, it could very well end up as a
right person wrong time i feel like he's also the most self-sabotaging out of all of them
like even if he met his soulmate, i think what he needs is therapy, not romance and would inevitably end up hurting himself and his partner when it turns out his own issues get in the way of his relationship
like he can't actually be fully vulnerable, not able to balance his work and personal life because what he's doing is so personal to him, not being able to settle down, that type of thing
guys i swear i want him to be happy
#dc batman#batman#bruce wayne#bruce wayne x reader#bruce wayne x you#bruce wayne x y/n#bruce wayne hcs#bruce wayne hc#bruce wayne headcanon#batman hcs#dick grayson x y/n#dick grayson hcs#dick grayson x you#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson headcanon#nightwing x y/n#nightwing x you#nightwing hcs#nightwing x reader#nightwing headcanon#nightwing#jason todd x you#jason todd hcs#jason todd#red hood#jason todd x y/n#jason todd imagine#jason todd x reader#red hood imagine#superbat
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Hello tumblr, I’m having thoughts.
So, I’ve seen a billion cajillion arguments over Jayvik at this point and I think I have an opinion.
Yes, we need more depictions of intimate male friendships, but we also need more depictions of mlm romances. Most shows still shy away from mlm romances more than wlw romances because it makes men uncomfortable to see male attraction. Wlw romances are deemed to be more “palatable” for the general public because women are perceived as more “innocent and caring” when that’s not always the case. Not to mention those relationships are more easily objectified by men, which is gross. It’s a product of the patriarchy, putting all relationships into boxes just because of people’s genders, both mlm and wlw. I don’t think that’s what the Arcane team intended to do, but it still happens.
At the same time, fandom has always had a bit of a problem with viewing mlm dynamics as strictly sexual and ignoring women in fandom. It’s not fair to focus entirely on mlm ship dynamics within a show while ignoring actual characterization and pushing that belief onto everyone else. Or even blaming women for “getting in the way of mlm ships” (cough cough, looking at those Mel haters.)
This ties into a greater discussion of how men are often written more complex than women, making people want to focus on male relationships. Arcane, I feel like, does a pretty good job at making their women’s writing deeply complex and interesting, but, the finale really rushed over a lot of things to give precedence to Jayce and Viktor. (I love what we got for them, I just wish we had more time for other plots).
Despite a co-creator saying that Jayvik wasn’t romantic, I feel as though the whole team were on different pages as to how they wanted Jayvik to come across. There are so many parallels between Mel and Viktor, and hints that suggest romantic connection, that, I don’t really think you can just turn around and blame the fandom for forming logical conclusions based on what was shown. If they wanted a platonic relationship shown, they should’ve considered carefully what they were putting on screen, and considered audience interpretations. There are good depictions of friendship in arcane, and I especially like the m/f friendships like Jayce and Caitlyn or Vi, Or Vi and Loris, or Ambessa and Rictus. It shows they have the capability to make friendships that don’t have romantic tension at all, despite men and women practically always being shipped, so then, why do all these specific details for Jayvik?
Ambiguously canon mlm relationships are almost a little frustrating to me, because there’s always room for plausible deniability within homophobes. I’ve seen so many people shame others for liking Jayvik and calling them depraved losers and whatnot, and that’s just not, cool. But what’s also not cool is going after aspec people who find comfort in the fact that romance isn’t explicitly shown between Jayvik. I was frustrated at first that they kind of left their relationship up in the air, but I’ve grown to appreciate the different interpretations.
Anyway, something something at least we can all agree that they’re both smoking hot and we as the fandom should share them. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
#arcane#arcane act 3#arcane finale#jayce talis#jayce x viktor#jayvik#league of legends#viktor arcane#arcane jayce
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YESSSSSSSS YES YES GOD. OH MY GODDDDDD. RIPPING MY SHIRT OFF LIKE THE HULK. YOU GET IT OP. I LOVE PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS (Says the aroace guy . Like okay fork found in kitchen cmon now)
No cuz LISTEN. romance and attraction is something that is constantly front in center in society as a whole….its a lot more understood than friendship or familial relationships. so it probably makes SENSE to hugo at least in concept.
Attraction is understood by a lot of people as like a biological instinct (And obviously its more complex than that but thats the most Basic idea thats been held for most of history i think). And hugos definitely been Attracted to people before. I think he kind of just sees it as a nuisance tbh. He just tries to gaslight himself into pretending it isnt there.
But platonic love….you dont have that physical reaction yknow??? I mean ive had what i can describe as platonic “crushes” before but it’s different….It could be different for other people ofc but in my experience platonic love kind of sneaks up on you. You might not even really notice its there. One day you’ll just be looking at someone and you’re like, “oh yeah. This one. Theyre the one. Theyre safe.”
They affect you in little ways. like influencing the way you think or the way you speak and you dont notice until someone points it out. You’ll pick up on words they use and everyday things will make you think of them. ITS JUST. GAH!!! I LOVE PLATONIC LOVE!!
I think platonic love is SUCH an important part of hugo’s general role in the story because like….This isnt his first rodeo remember? Hes done jobs for donella before. Hes probably crushed on a few people before. Maybe even people hes worked with. But clearly its never affected his performance before. none of these crushes have Permanently rewired his brain and this perspective he has of the world.
The reason team radical has such an impact on him is NOT just bc she’s gay for varian. It’s bc ALL OF THEM are the first people who have just Genuinely cared about her, with no ulterior motives, no strings attached, no romantic connotations, no nothing. Theyre the first people she’s actually connected with and felt like she could be herself around. and they’re the first to actually able to counter these mindsets that are so Natural to her- these mindsets that it’s every man for himself, that relationships are all temporary, and that she’s not fundamentally deserving of love. Varian, nuru and yong showed hugo a new perspective on life. ALL OF THEM DID!! NOT JUST VARIAN!!!
Its why platonic varigo is genuinely so important to me and one of the reasons i think varigo are the “best friends first/lovers second” kind of couple. its also why i dont really like them having chemistry like right off the bat. Because like…Them being friends first is the only reason their relationship as it is is even possible. Neither of them really had friends their age before and thats Why they really connect.
if it wasn’t for varian just…being a good friend, and him, nuru and yong all collectively showing hugo this new outlook on life….team radical would have just been another means to an end. Sure maybe hugo would’ve had a little crush on varian or found him attractive, but it wouldn’t have made him like, quit his whole job. He would’ve just done the work and moved on with his life. he wouldn’t have FALLEN IN LOVE like he did. Love and attraction are two different things and hugo didnt just have a crush on varian, he fell in love with him. and he fell in love (platonically, of course) with yong and nuru too.
THATS what changed him!!! Genuine human connection and love!!! It had nothing to do with romance!!! And i feel like people just tend to focus on the yaoi or whatever when like…It means nothing if we aren’t seeing hugo form these bonds with the group as a whole and watching his outlook change as a result! without the core feature of genuine human connection and friendship the yaoi wouldn’t even EXIST!!! 😭😭😭
I especially need more library/betrayal scenes with the whole group bc it genuinely makes me so mad when they’re Just about varigo and nuru and yong are just. Left behind? NOBODY EVER WRITES NURU AND YONG REACTING TO THE BETRAYAL…..NOBODY WRITES THEM HELPING HUGO WHEN VARIAN GETS POSSESSED. THEY’RE JUST. LEFT BEHIND AND THEN THEY SHOW UP AT THE END WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR GROUP HUG OR WHATEVER….SOMETIMES NOT EVEN THAT!!!
IT BREAKS MY HEART BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT JUST SIDE PIECES TO VARIGO!!! 😭😭😭 GAHHH. I NEED MORE TEAM RADICAL JUST ALL BEING BEST FRIENDS AND LOVING EACH OTHER!!!!! I NEED YONG AND NURU TO PLAY A PART IN THESE MAJOR PLOT POINTS TOO!!!!
I feel like we don't talk about how Hugo would be weirded out by the concept of having friends enough. Like we all pretty much agree that Donella, while maybe not being outright abusive, was at least not an amazing parent figure and made Hugo live a life that wasn't super healthy. But I haven't really seen anyone talk about how he probably has never felt platonic love.
I like the idea that it wasn't Varian that convinced Hugo to leave Donella, it was Nuru and Yong.
Hugo would have at least had a crush before, if not an actual relationship, he's aware that liking someone made you want to do stupid stuff, like quit your job, abandon your mother figure, and live with them for the rest of your life, but wanting to do that sort of stuff for someone you have no attraction to whatsoever? Huh?
I just love the idea that while Varian was a huge part in changing Hugo, it took friendship with no hint of romantic connotations to finally win Hugo over.
#pansy rambling again#hugo rottewange#vat7k hugo#varian and the 7 kingdoms#varian and the seven kingdoms#vat7k yong#vat7k nuru#team radical#varigo#varian
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Hunger games simulator but it's just Kross aus
OH MY GOD you’re so right. hang on
#i ran out of aus and had to get kind of obscure so death’s doorstep and sondertale and like. dogfight and doomsday are there#also this got me thinking about like. legitimate hunger games with the kross aus so i’m gonna talk about that for a bit#excluding forces of nature and fear the forest i think the guys that have the best chance of winning are#the proximity guys. both of them#chains and rings#and *maybe* rental suits killer. both of them and their chances would be heightened if they worked together#my reasoning for proximity is just. think about it#they’ve basically been living the hunger games the whole time#they absolutely have the survival skills. and they’re bonded like shelter dogs so they’d definitely end up working together#chains and rings would be good at fighting i think. so at the start they’d just go ham and wreck people’s shit#but i doubt they’d have the survival skills for it#they fight in a controlled area and they’ve never needed to scavenge for resources like the aka guys have#so they could get places in terms of conflict but i doubt they’d be able to sustain themselves super long#but i dunno they still have a chance#and for rental suits i definitely think killer could go places#like. he already kinda scavenges for stuff. he’s had to fend for himself for the most part. he knows to get stuff. y’know what i mean#i’m doing a trash job of explaining it but like. you know#and if he and cross decided to like actually commit and work together they’d have more of a chance#cause cross is better with like. strategy and like. medical attention#so if killer did the fighting and cross was methodical about stuff like what could be safe to eat and first aid#they might kinda have a chance#i don’t think they have like. the strong relationship aka kross would have and they’re probably not that physically strong#cause they live generally normal modern lives#so i don’t think they’d win. but they could get somewhere#ANYWAY final thoughts i think aka cross and killer might win in those circumstances. out of the main aus anyway#answering asks#denieatsart asks#deni!!
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do love how this is an asoiaf blog but i did not put either show in my top 10 this is the world we live in
#the only season that really compares to the book is season 1.#the rest even when they’re engaging have changed something that feels so central to the hook that i’m mad aksjd.#getting on my soap box#if iwtv s3 is good it may knock someone out. probably qaf.#bsg is p high up there i just think season 4 really suffered on pacing & the suspicious nature of who dies annoyed me.#veep is also very high up there tbh i need to rewatch it. the thing is. as we know. i am a romantic at heart and amy & jonah have my favorit#sitcom relationship. veep has genuinely one of the best finales to ever exist but i’m a sap.#and amy coming back to tell jonah that he made her realize she doesn’t actually have to expect the worst from life. oh my god.#also superstore >>> parks & rec >>> the office bc superstore never romanticized the hell of their job#amy quitting her corporate job when she realized she would never be able to make the changes she wanted within the system she was always#going to compromise too much and wind up like jeff. glenn reopening his dad’s hardware shop & specifically who goes w him & who stays w gina#at the store? it has what the other two lack which is characters that feel like they keep existing after you stop watching#BECAUSE the way they interacted with the world was so real and so much more realistic. amy can’t fix the system but she can find a job that#she doesn’t feel is so soul sucking. glenn may be choosing a harder path by reopening the hardware store but it’s the one that makes him#most fulfilled. gina just gets to make money and be bossy w people who do what they’re told. that rings so true to me.#i almost out bojack horseman in here too actually but once again i think the last season just needed to be a tad longer just like bsg.#also same issue w pitch as w bly manor - it’s an amazingly written season of tv but it’s ONE season of tv#big brother as always outsells yes i am hoping to tempt some of u into watching by posting dan & ian in the dog costume#i have that gif and the ‘sit’ scene saved on my phone always
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just had a fucking banger of a session at work with some teens,, i feel like it’s such a breakthrough like this is so rewarding omg
#we’re doing da (domestic abuse) awareness but tailored specifically to them due to their risky behaviour and the fact that one of them was#recently in a da relationship and the group just like abandoned them kinda thing#so we’re doing some work around support systems terminology and intro to the basics like doing scenarios based on real stories etc etc#and after 6 months i think im like actually getting through to them#im not trying to change minds or make them feel bad!! im just trying to give them as much info as possible and as many options and pov’s as#possible and today i think they’re really starting to try and are actively participating#i try not to talk about work too much on here but god fucking damn this felt good#like they went from making fun of each others answers and being silly to actually like?? tearing up at the end??? which having people cry#never nice and is always understandable with this work but to see them all take it serious and to recognise the behaviours and how#unhealthy they are the severity of it all….. like they had a big group hug and then discussed the session as an unprompted bonus (!!!) for#like 20 mins :’)#as fucking corny as it is like THIS is why i do the job kinda shit you know? just feels good to know these kids might be more ok than they#would’ve been otherwise#stelle yaps
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ok. overall thoughts now that i’ve finished it, just as i collect myself.
it was a LONG movie but it actually felt really well paced tbh. didn’t drag on and kept true to the pacing of the stage show. tbh i was worried they were going to insert some of the more insane scenes from the book to pad the timing lol and i’m glad they didn’t do that
wished they had paid a little more time to glinda and elphaba’s relationship development versus snap they’re friends now. if youre gonna have a three hr long act 1, you could at least do that
i did not really warm up to ariana grande i’m so sorry to everyone who liked her performance but something about the way she did it just wasnt working for me, both singing and acting wise
defying gravity was real cinematography. the bursting of the street lamps and the power outage felt a lot like a stage blackout and i LOVED that about it
the fall and the flying just before hitting the ground was iconic.
the cape billowing in the wind at the end is super reminiscent, almost certainly intentionally, of the way they do the cape and flight on stage. love love loved that
also LOVED the shots of shiz at the end. really really good way to tie it all together and give us some insight into the worldbuilding, as well as a devastating reaction from nessa
the monkey scenes were like. visceral. very well done
cynthia erivo’s acting was insane. really really good.
glinda and elphaba’s friendship is one of the most foundational and tragic parts of this show, and i think they did a good job emphasizing that throughout the entire movie
honestly its major fault, for me, was just that it was a MOVIE and it FELT like it. the singing didn’t quite feel raw enough, yk? but that’s literally just bc it’s a movie and studio recording and they’re not live on stage. and that’s just the nature of the medium. most movie musicals are like this and i do know that. so i’ll forgive them for this
but overall, very good movie!!! i liked it a lot, generally speaking
highlights were definitely dancing through life and cynthia erivo’s acting in general
really faithful adaptation while still leaning into the medium of film rather than theatre, so huge kudos to john m chu for pulling that off
not a perfect movie by any means, but it made me go crazy about wicked again and so i have to give it credit for that
like an 8.75/10 for me i think
found a pirated version of the wicked movie and john m chu i’m sorry for evrything bad i said about you, this is insane and i am in awe.
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Chivetiger joined the clan long ago under the lead of Pinestar, but his life as a loner isn’t even a distant memory now. Though he spends much of his time alone, thinking up dialogues and stories in his head that fill his chest with pounding excitement, he is often the cat others in the clan turn to with their problems, as he always seems to have a hypothetical on how to handle everything. He’s happy to spit out his opinion on the matter, and then be left alone, no other conversation necessary. He can often be found in a shady corner, off to himself, sorting his collection of shiny rocks and mumbling softly to himself in little voices.
#If it wasn’t obvious#this man is AUTISTIC#All my characters are a little autistic because I’m autistic. So they all get autism infused#But I looked at this guys in game traits and said oh so this guy has autism then. This is INTENTIONAL autism writing#He collects rocks. Geology is his special interest. The ‘whispering to himself’ is him writing ‘dialogue’ for stories aloud#And talking in character. Ie. what I do every night to fall asleep. The scenarios(tm)#He’s so good at coming up with stories and scenarios and thinking about how things are solved. That when people ask him#He’s like oh yeah i figured that out for this story i came up with one time. Here’s your answer#And they’re like woah you’re so smart… advice prodigy…#And he IS. But not by intuition. By many years of accrued knowledge#His gender description is also directly inspired by my relationship with gender#I am me. I like some girl stuff and some boy stuff. None of the words bother me#But in my community where I actually live. I’m just what I was born as. Because its easier and I don’t feel strongly one way or another#Because I’m me! And that’s. What Chivetiger is too#‘Probably agender but I have a job so let’s not worry about that’. Or something. Let’s call it that#Tom until otherwise stated#righteous pines#clangen#clangen oc#warrior cats#warrior cats oc
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one thing that pisses me off about the pacing of the show and this episode specifically, is that the main couples all make significant strides in their development, as do characters like ray and boston, and top has continuously proven himself to become a different, arguably better version of himself, while it seems like the narrative has stopped for mew when he found out that top cheated on him. there has been very little character growth, he’s still keeping top at arm’s length, well, a little less than that as of now but for the most part, the pieces aren’t really moving for him.
which is a shame, because mew was introduced to us as the focal point of the main characters and as someone who went through a genuinely interesting twist, but now that’s all there is to him. he’s the guy who got cheated on and is still pissed about it. he makes top jump through hoops for him and wants to mess him up, when top has shown that he cares for mew and for his well-being, for his family, that he genuinely loves him. mew is petty and calculating, but he is also in love with top. he’s said so himself this episode. why can’t the writing reflect that? it’s like top and mew are in two totally different points in their relationship and that would have worked maybe two episodes ago, but not with only two episodes left.
it’s annoying. topmew are such a good couple (and i do not understand anyone who thinks they don’t have any chemistry? forcebook have plenty of chemistry, but no one wants to admit that, lol) and their conflict was set up as super interesting, their characters playing against their predisposed archetypes is actually simple but insanely effective. but now, it feels like they are being forcefully halted for… some inane reason. as if they aren’t literally main characters. sure, yeah, topmew has the smallest audience but why does the writing of the show have to suffer for that? they deserve as much development as the rest of the characters and main relationships. it’s just sad to see the state of it as it is right now. we could’ve gotten away with this around episode 7; not episode 10.
#no harm no foul on forcebook they’re doing a very good job with this#it’s just frustrating#they could’ve done so much more with topmew ):#like even boeing hasn’t pushed the relationship forward but only kept mew stuck in his ways lol#kaz talks#only friends the series
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‘the most crucial skill that a good drinksmith needs is listening… drinksmithing is all about having conversations with your guests’
tea house owner!reader energy for real
#my mind shot straight there when siobhan said this in the hsr event#hey guys#what if i just steal the concept of the event and write a continuation?#the reader does spy on people and accept bribes for jobs blah blah blah#but they also offer free therapy over tea!#(but only if they like the person if course) (everyone else is getting eavesdropped on)#…i started writing this as a joke but hey it could be fun#if i ever write a continuation of that fic i might do something like that#high cloud quintet members coming for therapy after baiheng dies#reader helping couples talk through problems in their relationship calmly#i’m a sucker for characters who are very elusive and sneaky and cold but when it comes to it have a heart of gold#‘yes i will expose your enemy’s business blah blah but hang on let me help this lost child find their parents first’#‘oh you’re not being patient? you think your rivalry is more important than this child? actually you can keep the money and leave thank you#[turning to child] ‘now tell me where you last saw your parents’#and with their connections from the various dealings they’ve had around the xianzhou they’d be really good at dealing with these situations#and with regards to the jing yuan aspect of things i firmly believe he needs somebody with kindness and warmth in them to fall for them#reader can’t all be bribery and dodgy deals#imagining him coming to the shop one day to get some information they’ve gathered or whatever#and they’re like ‘shush not now i’m hearing this girl vent about her shit partner’#or doing something nice#and he falls even harder#sorry i have gone on an absolute tangent here#i don’t know what demon possessed me#maybe i will write a part two who knows#that reader would certainly be a fun one to flesh out#r’s random thoughts
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I get SO many ads for honkai star rail and genshin impact lol. Like I already play genshinnnnnn leave me ALONE I’m already HERE!!!!!! Tbh I want to play honkai also but like genshin already hogs so much space on my computer idk if I can OUGH maybe someday lol
#Watchin a vid on the art and tech of genshin and it’s very fun#As a vfx artist in gamedev I love looking at genshins fx like they’re SOOOOO pretty#And such a good inspiration#Really really good ref for my own work#So many games I’m like damn I’d kill to work on that game but they are not made in my country lol#Anyway I’ve been in a funk in many different areas rn but like#Trying to re discover my passion for vfx / tech art#My job has me in a stagnant situation =_= so. Trying to remember what I love#To work on my portfolio again#Help my partner with the fx for his game#Maybefindnewjoblol#They have had nothing for us to do at work and I am not learning much here anymore#I need. CHANGE 🕺🕺🕺#But there have been more layoffs in my field again ……. So I am scared lol#gamedev. Love hate relationship lol
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#I’m just gonna use this blog as a diary because. y’know. I already do. anyway#I don’t know what’s gotten into me recently but I just feel like. like I’m supposed to be ‘further along’ in my life than I am now?#and like. I know it’s bullshit because. the milestones I was told I would hit as I grew older have definitely not been predictable#they tell you you’ll get a job and a car and a significant other and you’ll get married and buy a house and have kids and grow old and die#and it’s like. that’s all we’re given to measure our lives by; these big milestones.. people are supposed to feel accomplished when they hit#but those things are just titles to chapters like. nobody tells us that there’s all this other plot happening between those pages#and so yeah I mean. it feels like I’m not on the right chapter and I really want to skip ahead but like#the truth is. I’m not even to the climax yet. I’m still in the lore-dump stage of ny story#and that’s been so hard for me to accept recently. I’m yearning to be in the chapter where I fall in love and get married#but that’s just it like. that chapter comes earlier in other people’s stories than it seems to be in mine#although I’ve fallen in love many times. I’m not at the ‘get married’ chapter. because it’s not the right part of the story yet#and sometimes I wish I could just find the author of my story and tell them HEY GET ON WITH IT ALREADY because things seem to be moving so#so slowly. and yet they’re moving so fast I simultaneously feel like I’m running out of time#like. why do some people deserve to have co-stars in their stories from almost the very beginning who stick by those protagonists and grow#together? What did I do in my last story to deserve such a lonely one this time around?#Why am I so unlucky that I have good close friends that stick by me and all I know how to do is hold them at arms length because I don’t#think our relationships are quite as deep as I feel that I need out of a relationship?#why is my story about desparately trying to find a place where I feel comfortable enough to belong and share myself with others#and hey. why am I not at that part of my story either?#and maybe it’s that I don’t do enough. as a protagonist my toxic trait is that I’m pathologically suspicious of others#if someone shows interest in me I’m suspicious of why. what are they trying to get from me. because in the past people have taken from me#without giving much back. and if someone wants to date me I’m immediately suspicious of their intentions.#because I’ve realised that there’s much more to being in a relationship than ‘you’re hot let’s fuck’. and I know that’s not what I want#I want to be at the part of my story where I can share myself with someone without worrying that they’re going to take more than I can give.#I want to be at the part of my story where I can trust someone with myself when I’m fragile and they can trust me with themselves as well#I want to be at the part of my story where my life slots together well with someone else’s; so well it just feels normal and right.#I want to be at the part of my story where…I know I could live without this person because we can both take care of ourselves but.#it’s just preferable to spend time and solve problems and exist *together*#and you’ll have to forgive me for saying so but I’ll need physical affection from that person whoever they may be#I feel like certain things are falling into place. I like where I am. now I want to set down roots. and I can’t. I’m not at that page yet.
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