#they’re all Jewish you can’t convince me otherwise

[caramel-ribbons]

It kinda hit me that North America, my country, tried to recreate the narrative they perpetuated throughout the Iraq War: that Middle Eastern people are meant to suffer. We don’t want it to happen, but it’s kinda inevitable isn’t it? They don’t have the resources. They don’t have the education. We need to save them from the wars we start and the devastation we profit from. They need us.

It worked during the Iraq War because, even though many Americans were against it, Bush successfully managed to insinuate that they were exceptions. He ensured your discomfort with the war wasn’t as simple as you disagreeing with the killing of innocent people, but instead a disapproval of your country. You didn’t respect America. You didn’t care about it. Suddenly, you also disrespected America’s principles. You hated justice. You hated freedom. You didn’t want to help the people of Iraq because if you really wanted to, you’d oppose terrorism, and you’d support this war.

I wasn’t alive in 2003, but from the way it’s been described, and from the music I’ve listened to and the recollections I’ve heard, the Iraq war didn’t represent the people of America. It wasn’t supposed to. Instead, it represented the values of America. It represented the things American politicians, corporations, and their supporters are willing to sacrifice and excuse for the sake of money, reputation, and power.

But it falls apart when you have to witness the tolls war has on people. When you have to hear their stories. When you have to learn their names. When you have to see emaciated bodies. When you have to see families screaming and crying; mourning on camera. When you have to see corpses belonging to the same people you’d seen smiling and laughing and dancing not even days ago.

And the narrative completely shatters after you experience the dissonance between Gaza and Israel. When you see Zionists dancing near the homes they destroyed. When you see them partying a few miles away from the remains of churches, universities, and homes. When you see them in uniforms, hear about their white phosphorus and their bombs, and read about all of the human rights they get to violate whilst still getting a seat at the table where they can decide how many more homes they can destroy and people they can kill.

They then try to tell you that disagreement with this war makes you a bigot. Makes you prejudiced. If you’re against Israel’s genocide in Gaza, and if you’ve been against the ongoing apartheid, then you’re anti-Semitic. Think about the Holocaust. Think about the influx of hate crimes happening to Jewish people in your country. And you do think about them. You’ve been thinking about them. That’s why it doesn’t work.

Because you know what anti-Semitism looks like. You also know what Islamophobia looks like. You also know what genocide looks like. It doesn’t have to be defined for you anymore. You’re seeing examples of it every day. You can never forget what it means. And so the narrative fails because you understand that no one should experience this. Even if they’re “supposed to” but were they? You thought you were crazy or naive, but no. It doesn’t have to be this way. It never should’ve been, and they were wrong for trying to convince you that it should. They were cruel. They were callous. They were evil.

So now, it doesn’t matter how many celebrities stay silent. It doesn’t matter how many politicians try to demonize you, and it doesn’t matter how many labels they try to assign you for opposing this war. Because you know it isn’t a war. It never has been. It’s a genocide, and contrary to their attempts to say otherwise, you should be against it. Because before you’re an American or a Palestinian or Jewish, you’re human, and if you still have any shred of humanity left, you can’t support this.

[baltha-zara]

A Random jupernatural head cannon that’s so important to me is that Sam and Dean love to debate all the funny theoretical limits of Jewish law/texts.

Like a Jewish person can’t light fire on Shabbat, but if that person had a pet dragon would they be allowed to ask the dragon to light one for them?

Someone who has recently touched a dead person isn’t allowed in a temple, so could vampires/zombies/etc. not attend services since technically they ARE the dead?

During the ten plagues was there a plague of frogs (plural) in Egypt or was it one frog (singular) tormenting the people? because technically the hebrew word used means one single frog which is a much funnier interpretation.

It always starts as a joke and ends with them having to sit in separate rooms to calm down because they get too into it and start yelling.

Cas sits in the corner and is like “I was there when it was written I can just tell you the right answer” and they both tell him to shut up

[sgt-morgan]

☀️Knight and Day🌙

Part 1: Estrellita✨

Part 3: The Little Sunspot🍼

Moonknight Masterlist

Description: Moonboys as Girl dads. As god intended. Point blank period.

Warnings: Inaccurate depictions of DID as made cannon by the show, AFAB/ female identifying reader, depictions of childbirth, implications of sexy times, tooth rotting fluff.

A/N: This thing is long as hell, appreciate my love for you. They’re girl dads damn it! You’ll Never convince me otherwise! I love them! Reader is now Desi, because my momma is Desi. Beti= Daughter Beta= son Poti= grand daughter Nani= grandma Nana= Grandfather. Spanish you can use google translate or translate app for, Urdu is hard. (Also, tagging @castizell cause they asked all nice like.)

🌘🌔🌒

When you found out you were pregnant, it was a huge deal for your little families, but no two (four?) people were more excited than Cassie and your boys. You never had to worry about a thing, 3 am need for icecream? Jake is already driving to the store. Back aching? Marc will stand and hold your belly from behind as long as you need, arms shaking, with a smile on his face at how peaceful you look with your head leaning on his shoulder. Pregnancy hormones? Steven is eager to please in any form, from tears to tantrums, he’s there with a keen ear and able hands. Need a hand? Cassie is more than eager to help you tie shoes (Steven taught her how to do that), pick up a mess, or make everyone leave you alone with a bossy shout and a pout.

They were perfect angels right off the bat. Marc was scared, very, very scared. When he found out it was a girl? He was even worse. Worried about how he would perform as a father, worrying about wether or not he could handle the stress and chaos without becoming like… Well he didn’t want to think about that, but he was convinced that by the gods, he needed more practice. So, Cassie became a staple in your home pretty much immediately. Anytime she would ask to come over when Marc was fronting, she was always met with an enthusiastic yes. Marc would insist on caring for her. Offering to take her to dance for her (extremely) busy parents, cooking dinner for all of you, teaching her some of the Torah. (Yes, he taught her some of the Torah, good to get the practice in now. Your baby would be born to the wrong Jewish parent, her not being born of a Jewish mother, but you’d never had a DNA test, so who knows. He had forgotten a lot of it himself, so teaching Cassie also served as a brush up for him. All of the pregnancy stuff made him slowly start to reconnect with his father, they weren’t chomping at the big to see each other in person again, but at least there was a conversation there.) Regardless, Marc really liked hanging out with Cassie, and so did you, so it really didn’t bother you, except when they used her baby dolls to practice diaper changing. You didn’t understand how a plastic baby could cause so much mess, but if it kept Marc from bolting, you weren’t about to complain.

“Oh man, Purim was fun!” You giggled smoothing your hands over your stomach. It wasn’t super prominent, but it was steadily growing bigger.

“Yeah! I can’t even believe Cassie remembered the songs! Shocked honestly! I thought she could only memorize Frozen! She was also the cutest little Spider-Man I’ve ever seen.” Marked laughed, a little more drunk than you had realized earlier. “And your Dad reeeally loved the booing for Hama-“ you interrupted him by booing and he laughed even harder. Nuzzling his way into your chest to stifle his laughter

“Also, you totally cheated by just wearing your Moonknight costume!” You laughed, “We set the costume theme for Heroes, and you cheated!”

“I cheated? What about you!? Should I be questioning Matt about your costume? Huh? Dressing up as Daredevil babe, really? Matt even dressed up like you! Are you two secretly kissing?“ he giggled wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“No you big dork!” You laughed again. “The star of the show though was Peter! Dressing up as the Punisher? Brilliant. Did you see how pissed Matt was when he realized!? Priceless.”

You sighed, nuzzling into him fondly. “Also, really glad May sent home some of her Matzoh ball soup, I’ve been craving it for weeks!”

“I made you Matzoh yesterday!” He laughed, peeking up at you from where he had wrapped firmly around you, and you grinned mischievously, “Was that what that was supposed to be?”

“Babe! That’s mean!”

Steven was his normal stream of knowledge, it now just had a differing theme. Baby fever had come over him, and his weakness? Books. The baby already had a library, all kinds of books, every shape and size and color. Cardboard, hardbacks, signed copies, silly ones, sad ones, classics, myths, sci-fi, fantasy, it didn’t matter. Anything Steven fancied reading with the baby, he got it. He also wrote little notes in the books as to why he picked them. You never questioned him on this, but you read every single one with a grin.

‘This one is about strength and bravery, you can do anything my love! Don’t let anyone look down on you because you’re young. Thank the Gods you’re smarter than I am, Dad.’ (Written in a copy of Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card)

‘This one is about the importance of compassion and kindness, stay gentle darling. Proud of you always, Dad.’ (Written in a copy of The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo.)

‘This one is about how silly peoples brains can be. Life can be a struggle, and your daddies and I understand. If you need help, without judgment, your mom and I are always here. Me and my silly noggin love you always, Dad.’ (Written in a copy of It’s Kind of A Funny Story by Ned Vizzini.)

‘If you want a good story about some gods, you can read it here. I’ll tell you my stories one day, but it’s not today. Sorry kiddo Love, Dad.’ (Written in a copy of The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan)

‘No change is made without strong people sticking up for those who can’t stand up for themselves. I’m rooting for you darling. Always in your corner, Dad.’ (Written in a copy of The Hunger Games by Susan Collins)

‘Women are powerful, let nobody tell you other wise. You cannot be contained. Standing with bolt cutters, ready to set you loose on the world, Love, Dad.’ (Written in a copy of Circe by Madeline Miller.)

‘Hard things happen, but you’ll always have me and mommy when you need us. Supporting you always, Love,Dad.’ (Written in a copy of The Struggle Bus by Julie Koon.)

‘I am odd, and that’s ok. I know it can be hard to live with a daddy that is always changing while you change too, but just so you know, however we change. Our love for you never will. Love, Dad” (Written in a copy of I am Odd, I am New by Benjamin Giroux)

‘We love you no matter what you love! You will always be the most fascinating person I know. Do big things, dream big dreams. Love, Dad.’ (Written in a copy of Except when they don’t by Laura Gehl.)

‘Well kiddo, all daddies are different. And that okay! Your daddy is different in a special way, you got three in one! No matter which one it is, we all love you. Love, dad.’ (Written in a copy of Some Daddies by Carol Gordon Ekster.)

Steven over the course of nine months also really enjoyed reading to your ever growing belly, books of all kinds. Your baby girl constantly kicked, but when her Daddy was reading, she was as quiet as a mouse.

Steven loved the copy of Some Daddies the most. When he first saw it in the store, he was curious, so he bought it. When he read it, he cried. You lay next to Steven and rubbed his back while he read the book his head laying on your ever growing belly.

“Every daddy is different, every child is too!” He sniffled, placing a gentle kiss on your belly. “Oh man little one, your daddies are all very different I guess, but we all love you just the same. Keep baking in there alright? We can read more when you come out!” He whispered leaning up to kiss you too.

“Oh god, you are gonna be such a good dad!” You chuckled with watery eyes and kissed him softly. You really were a lucky woman.

Jake, as always, found a way to surprise you the most. This time, his surprise came in the form of taking over the nursery, and while he worked on it, he didn’t let a single other one of you know what he was doing. Every day, packages arrived, and under threat of… something, Jake hadn’t exactly divulged what the punishment was but none of you cared to find out, you put the packages outside the nursery door and left it closed. He came in and out of the room whenever he fronted with paint and boxes and toys and Steven’s books. Frequent banging and the sounds of soft punk rock fluttered out of there every once in a while, and you couldn’t contain your curiosity.

All three of you had tried to peak once, but somehow Jake’s fatherly sixth sense had developed early, and you hadn’t been able to catch sight of it.

“No peaking Cariño!” He startled you one day as your hand rested on the knob.

“Jake! Oh gosh, baby please? I just want a sneak peak?” you pleaded with those eyes and the low cut top that nearly always worked, but he just chuckled and pissed your pity lips.

“Nope! Lo verás cuando haya terminado.” He smiled and ushered you in the opposite direction. Steven couldn’t even grasp the handle, and Marc had smacked himself on the back of the head on more than one occasion. They only people allowed in the room? Allison and Cassie. You had seen them whispering and conspiring for weeks, your sister even going so far as to spend the night in the nursery once or twice to finish up work and keep you out. You loved how closely she bonded with the boys while it was happening.

“She’s gonna love it!” Allison squealed quietly, smacking your loving boyfriend over and over again on the shoulder with a smile. Jake shook his head and smiled at his sister in law while Cassie giggled. It warmed your heart to see how well he got along with them.

“Don’t worry about the nursery Hermana mía, he’s done. Allison is so excited for him to show you, they all really put the work in on this one. Cassie loved helping out.” Your brother in law smiled and rubbed your shoulder placing a kiss on your head. “They plan on showing you tomorrow, but you didn’t hear that from me.” He said with a conspiratorial wink.

“Oh Gracias, hermano, I’m dying to see it.” You huffed rubbing your belly.

“You know, I can hear you right hermano?” Jake groused from across the room. Your brother in law made a face that said yikes, and started running, dodging his angry wife and child as they chased him around the yard.

“You know what querida? It’s done, why don’t I show you now?” He smiled wrapping his arm around your shoulder and leading you towards your home.

Jake heard the hearty consent of his alters from reflections in the glasses from dinner and mirrors in the hall.

“Finally! We were left in the dark for too long mate!“ Steven sighed “I hope you made a place for all the books.”

“Yeah! I hope you got that Moonknight bear I saw, it’s too good of an opportunity to pass up.” Marc chuckled. “She’s gonna love it I’m sure!” He said when he noticed his normally immovable alter fidget nervously with his flat cap.

He opened the door to the rooms and an uncharacteristic silence took over the room. The nursery was stunning in hues of soft pinks and oranges, motifs of the desert covered every surface, including pictures of you and your husband in the desert on the walls. There was a camel shaped toy basket, little plush cactuses, and the tiny Moonknight bear tucked into the Moses basket in the corner of the room. The mural on the wall, (clearly painted by your sister) had a sun and moon motif, and a tiny mobile of the moon and stars with a tiny Konshu sitting in the moon hung above the cradle. Steven’s books were tucked into cabinets that were able to display all of their colorful title and shapes, there was even a framed Hebrew writing on the wall for Marc, though what it said had not been divulged yet.

“What’s it say?“ you said pointing to the framed writing with tears in your eyes.

“Uh, it’s the baby’s name? I know we hadn’t all settled, but in Latin cultures it is very common to have three names, so I figured why not go with all three of the ones we like? So it says, Aurora Ayla Elena Spector.” He shuffled his feet as he gestured around the room, “I went with a desert theme, because it seemed like it could be cute sabes? And there’s a little bit of everything in here. ¿Qué te parece?” You we’re quiet for a moment tears streaming down your cheeks that ached with your smile.

“It’s perfect!” You burst, throwing your arms around Jake with a sob. “Look at all of this! You did this? I’m amazed! you are so perfect! God! Could I be any more lucky? Podría besarte ahora mismo, ¡esto es lo más sexy que has hecho! Holy shit babe!” Jake chuckled at your clear excitement and smiled at his alters in the two mirrors he purposefully placed at angles where they could see the whole of the room.

“Jake, this is amazing! I love the shelves! They are perfect for this space!” Steven smiled, gesturing to the mobile “And the little Konshu? Adorable.”

“You really out did yourself man,” Marc smiled shaking his head, “It’s just her style. I love it. The Hebrew is amazing, who did it?” Jake smiled at him sadly, and Marc nodded with a sour expression. “I’m glad he knows, really I am, I just- I don’t. We can talk about it later.”

“Jake? It’s perfect.” You heard from the door way from a voice you hadn’t heard in a while, you whirled around and stood in the door with your sister’s arms wrapped around her shoulders was your mother.

“Momma!” You cried, flinging yourself into her arms.

“Oh my, it’s ok beti, I’m here now!” She laughed patting you on the back. “I didn’t know you wanted me to come so badly, but my mischievous little granddaughter face timed me about you crying and figured I would fly in a bit earlier.” You looked down to see Cassie clutched into your moms Sari and you

Sniffled petting her head affectionately. It seems she had been just as doting in her secret project as Jake had been.

“Surprise Tía! I know you wanted Nanni to come earlier, but you wouldn’t tell anybody, so I told the grownups and she’s here!” Cassie squealed squeezing your mother’s legs. “Was that ok? Did I do a good thing?” She said with wide eyes staring at all of her favorite women in adoration.

“Poti you have never done a thing wrong in your life!” You heard and saw your father hanging out with Andreas at the door. You cried a little harder and threw yourself at your dad sniffling.

“I’m so happy!” You wept as your dad gently swayed you back and fourth. He patted your back and smiled.

“I’m so glad your happy!” Cassie squealed, bouncing up and down in place.

Then, something unexpected.

“Oh my god,” you giggled, watching as Juno winked at you over your Father’s shoulders, you felt your back spasm, and knew it could only mean one thing. “Well, you have actual divine timing, I’m going into labor.”

The room exploded into action as you laughed with Juno, who was quick to reach out and grasp your back as the whole room scurried around you in a blur of excitement. Marc suddenly was thrust to front and startled your parents as his eyes rolled back into his head.

“Oh thank god!” Your dad laughed, “Good to see you Marc, I thought you might have just been passing out.” He said clapping him on the back.

“No, I didn’t, but I think Jake just did, he’s being mighty quiet in there.” He laughed, shooing Juno away from you as he began to support your weight. “You guys stick around and unpack, I’ll get her to the hospital, and call when it’s closer to showtime.” He said with a wink, helping you down the stairs.

“Ok Beta!” Your mother waved, “it was good to see you Marc, Say hello to Steven! We will clean up a bit and meet you there!” She waved and ushered you all out of the house, your sister and her family were all stood at the bottom of the steps, she held out Jake’s keys to Marc and gestured towards the car.

“We got the bag put away, the car seat is in tight- don’t say a damn word, I am just concerned about my Niece’s safety- Also? Jake? So help me god buddy, you better get your ass back out here, Marc is a terrible fucking driver-“

“Hey!” Marc exclaimed with a giggle, you openly laughed while whimpering in pain as Andreas helped you into the car.

“Don’t hey me buddy, you can’t drive to save your life- If my sister dies before I meet my niece I’m gonna kill you!” She grumbled slapping his keys into his palm. Marc tensed up and Jake was back again, kissing Allison on the cheek and patting her on the shoulder. “Very good, now drive fast pendejo, I wanna meet that baby in a hospital, not your back seat!”

“Sí, Los llevaré a salvo, no te preocupes.” With that Jake jumped in the front seat and you were off. One fast, yet oddly smooth, car ride later, and you and your boys had arrived. Marc took care of the whole checking you in thing, as he was the technical biological father, and then Steven took over for the whole birthing thing. You wouldn’t need to be in the hospital this early with a normal birth, but your doctor had declared that the baby’s positioning had put you at a bit of a higher risk, and he wanted to monitor her position closely just in case, so you were set to be here for a while. You were worried, as it was going to be more painful than normal and the risk of death was- it doesn’t matter. It wasn’t going to happen. It would all be fine.

Steven was an angel, feeding you ice chips, reading to you, rubbing your back, requesting ‘all the drugs’ for you while you were sleeping, calling your parents and sister with updates, truly keeping a calmer head than you thought he would. He was doing amazing.

You were laying, face pressed in his neck, one of his hands gently stroked your belly, his other holding the book he was reading to you while you practically slept in his arms, when Juno reappeared dressed in scrubs, for some reason.

“Hello, Juno! How’s our favorite Roman goddess then?” Steven asked, petting your head in an attempt to roust you to speak with your patroness.

“Owe, Juno? Oh she got stuck in Paris didn’t she. Well shit, this is fine.” You sighed, coming to terms with your divine doula very quickly.

“Go back to sleep, I hate she’s stuck but honestly I was kinda hoping she wouldn’t make it. I wanted to do it.” She waved with a smile, coming to readjust your monitors, checking how far along you were, instructing Steven on where to press his hand to relieve the most pressure in your aching back. She did a little more than a normal Doula, but as a patient advocate and birthing partner, you both couldn’t ask better than a goddess. As the hours continued to pass, Steven and Juno made sure you were comfortable, and helped you to get as much rest as physically possible while you were in so much pain.

“This is kind of you Juno, we really do appreciate it.” He sighed as you began to wake slightly, another contraction hitting your lower back with intensity.

“I’m honestly kinda shocked Konshu isn’t here.” You grumbled at one point after Juno grumbled with your doctor about comfortable birthing positions for you.

“Oh, that silly old bird has gone to find Taweret in order to bargain for an easier birth. He really can be a softy when he wants to!” She chuckles. “It’s very sweet of him, a little more added help is always welcome in these scenarios.” She smiled, smoothing your hair from your face.

“Thanks for your help my lady,” you smiled again, “truly, we aren’t worthy of such a divine companion in all this!”

“My child, you’ve proven yourself worthy for me time and time again, helping you with this is the least I can do.” Juno smiled brightly as she helped you to sit up in Steven’s lap.

“Damn, even my patron likes you more than me!” Steven chuckled, “he’s going to talk to a goddess for you, and he calls me a worm.” He says rolling his eyes while you laugh through your pain.

“Ok sweet girl, it’s show time. Steven? You might wanna move honey.” Juno smiled, going to retrieve your nurse.

About seven hours and a quickly healed broken finger later, you and your moon boys were the proud new parents of a little baby girl. She had your nose and Their eyes, their curls and your hair color. She couldn’t be any more perfect if she tried.

“My days,” Steven smiled, exhausted. “Look at that, just as pretty as her mum!” He smiled, running his fingers gently over her soft hair, placing a gentle kiss to your temple as he continued to just stare at the perfect little bundle sleeping in your arms.

“Thanks bub,” you huffed a laugh and placed a kiss to his collar bone. “You wanna hold her?” You smiled as more people flitted about the room, cleaning up the birthing area, setting up a crib, checking vitals. You however, seemed to be in your own bubble of calm.

“Yeah!” Steven sighed, unbuttoning his shirt as Juno instructed for skin to skin, while a doctor attached Aurora’s little hospital band. “Go on then!” He smiled opening his arms and resting the baby sweetly against his chest. “Oh my,” Steve sniffled, gently readjusting the baby securely in his arms. “She’s beautiful!” He smiled, tears in his eyes. You sat for a while just staring at the baby, your mother had just left to get you some food for you, and Allison went to go get your father, Andreas, and Cassie.

“The others want to meet her before the crazy starts,” a tear runs down his nose and falls on your daughters soft blanket. “But I don’t wanna go!” He chuckles and you rest your head on his shoulder, rubbing soothing, wide, circles on his back.

“We have the rest of our lives together baby!” You exclaimed brightly, heart breaking for Steven and the others a bit. “You’ll get to hold her again!“ You smiled nodding encouragingly, and Steven nodded, handing the baby back to you so one of the others could front. It took him a second, your hand holding his head to your shoulder while he struggled to swap places. It was almost as if they were arguing on who should go first. Eventually, Marc fronted.

“Oh man,” he gasped, looking down at her with watery eyes, “She’s here! She’s perfect!” He chuckled leaning into you excitedly giving you a sweet kiss. “You are amazing! I’m so proud of you!” He grinned staring down at your perfect baby girl.

“You wanna hold her baby?” You smiled, offering him the bundle of blankets. He grinned and nodded holding his arms out like an over eager child on Christmas. You handed him the baby, and you could see his world change.

“Oh man, how could anyone ever- she’s so- oh I love her!” He chuckled nuzzling her head and leaving a short kiss on her face. “This is the best day of my life!” He laughed, snuggling his girls closer.

You chuckled and snuggled in closer to your two favorite people. You weren’t able to sit with them long though, they needed to get you cleaned up as well as the baby. Marc followed after your daughter, and Juno helped take care of getting you cleaned up.

“You know, you really did pick well for your partner.” She smiled, helping you get into another hospital gown that she brought. “I am truly impressed with how present each and every one of your boys has been with you during all of this.”

You sighed dreamily and sat back down on the bed to wait for your baby and your husband to make their reappearance. “Yeah, I’m a lucky woman.” You. Giggled, resting your head on her shoulder while you sat with the goddess. You had a very warm and familial relationship to Juno that wasn’t displayed by other gods, but as a goddess who doesn’t get the luxury of having demigod children, she enjoys sticking close to her favorite avatars.

Marc came back into the room with the baby and two nurses in toe, they were carrying the birth certificate for you to sign, and a very lengthy bit of paperwork on vaccinations and releases. While you signed your half of everything, Marc continued to stare contentedly at your baby, really enjoying the moment. When you finished he handed you your little girl back, and your world felt complete.

“I called him while they were doing her Apgar stuff.” He said, casually clutching your daughter’s tiny hand.

“What?” You gasped, wide eyed. “Oh Marc that’s- I’m really proud of you!” You whispered, clutching his hand with your free one.

“Yeah it was-“ he sighed and sat staring into nothing thoughtfully, “It was hard, but I think I should give him a chance you know? We were all struggling, it doesn’t excuse that he- but I honestly think he deserves a chance.”

“Yeah?” You nodded rubbing his back. “I support whatever decision you make baby, I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah, I better let Jake meet our daughter now huh?” He smiled warily, and you beamed at him.

“Yeah hon, get some rest. I’m sure Jake is excited.” You nodded and held his head as he tensed, gently scratching his scalp until Jake was roused.

“Hola, Mi vida!” You grinned, tucking your baby’s blanket more securely under her chin. “Wanna meet your daughter?”

Jake grinned brightly and you could have sworn he almost squealed with delight. He reached out gently, and brought the tiny baby into his arms. He looked so big in comparison to this tiny little girl, he was mesmerized by her little cheeks and little fingers. She was more than perfect, she was absolutely radiant. “¡Mi amor, me has dado el mundo! ¿Cómo puedo pagarte?” He laughed breathlessly, clutching you both closer to his chest.

“You repay me every day, just by being here!” You whisper, kissing him on the cheek. “Isn’t she pretty?”

“Pretty ni siquiera empieza a cubrirlo, ¡es la cosa más hermosa del mundo!” He laughs, cooing as the baby begins to fuss. Then the most adorable thing in the world happens. Jake begins to rock her and sings softly in Spanish to her, and you could have sworn she grinned. Your heart melted, and you could see tears in the corners of his eyes, though he will vehemently deny it. You sighed happily and curled up in Jake’s arms, sleeping while you had the opportunity, knowing your little family was safe.

Jake took this moment to cry. He could feel such a foreign set of emotions well up in his chest, safety, comfort, contentment, love. He felt like he was holding the world in his hands. You were sleeping and so was your little girl, your little girl. God, Jake couldn’t get enough of that phrase. His little girl, his! Both of his girls were so comfortable in his arms, and he couldn’t believe it. His arms, the same arms that have fought bloody battles, waged wars. His arms were where you found comfort. If he died now he would be completely content. Several nurses had come in and out of the room to check on them, and he could tell that they thought their little family was adorable, but some of them were giving him looks as if he might combust at any moment, and of course, he’s a scary guy, but he couldn’t help but wonder if they were looking at him differently for his… condition. He knew that it lived in his medical record, he got kicked out of the military for it after all, but he guessed it didn’t matter, his girls felt safe with him, his family, your family, felt safe with them, so it must not matter. He was content, his family was safe, that’s all that matters. His alters were staring down at the perfect bundle of pink from various reflections, and he turned to speak with them.

“Wow, we’re the luckiest blokes in the world, huh?” Steven grinned from the reflection in one of the monitors closest to him. He looked happy, it made Jake smile.

“Yeah Steven, we are.” Marc grinned looking contemplative and sullen but still happy. He was staring from the reflection in your phone that was propped on one of those giant plastic hospital water cups with the straw.

“What’s wrong, Amigo?” Jake muttered under his breath, shifting to make you and the baby more comfortable where you were resting on his chest. “You can talk to us.”

“Go on mate, clue us in yeah?” Steven said, shifting his vision to Marc.

“I- I called Dad.” He sighed, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eye sockets. Steven and Jake both looked at Marc, completely bewildered. Steven was shocked that he would even want to talk to his dad, Jake was shocked that he wasn’t the one to have to make the first move. “I know, crazy. But I wanted him to see, wanted him to see we’re happy, you know?”

“¿Le mostraste al bebé?” Jake muttered, making eye contact with his alter, and subconsciously squeezing you all a little tighter.

“Yeah, I sent him some pictures. He said she’s beautiful, said she looks like-“ he stoped and Jake could tell he wanted to cry.

“Hermano, we don’t have to talk to him.” He shakes his head. “I know he loves her still, she was his wife after all, but if you don’t want to talk about it, you reserve the right to cut him off.” Huffed Jake, annoyed.

“I know, but he honestly apologized immediately after he said it. I think he’s starting to understand that we feel differently about all of this.” Marc sighs.

“I-“ Steven began. “I know that my opinions on all of this is… warped. But I think that we should give him a chance, but if he makes us or the baby or our wife uncomfortable, we reserve the right to kick him out.” He shrugs, “But I for one think it would be nice to have our dad again.”

They all sat in contemplation with this, watching the two most important people in their life doze. “Let’s- Let’s talk about it later.” Jake sighed as he heard your family coming to the room.

“Shh!” He raised a finger to his lips with a grin, as he saw a nurse escorting your sister and her family and your parents into the room. “¿Qué pasa, chicos? ¿Queréis conocer al bebé?” He grinned, rousing you from your sleep with a gentle shake.

“Oh man, you’re a great pillow.” You grumbled, placing a kiss right over his heart. Jake couldn’t have been more in love with you in that moment if he tried. He saw you and Cassie look at each other and squeal shaking your fists, as she ran up to the bed side and ever so cautiously crawled up next to you in bed, pressing your heads right up close to each other as you both peered down at the baby. Jake watched as your sister snapped a picture of you all together, and grinned. It felt good to have a family who wanted to capture all of these moments for him. Made him feel like he truly belonged, which every single person in the room would say that he did.

He grinned as he watched them all holding his baby girl with such care, he couldn’t believe that he would ever feel so safe in a room this full of happy people, but he did. It felt like a miracle.

The family all took their turns holding Aurora, Cassie of course got to go first. She squished between you and Jake on the hospital bed and he carefully transferred the tiny baby into her waiting arms. Cassie smiled and began to cry a bit and when all of Jake’s girls smiled so happily and held each other so gently, well, he couldn’t help but to cry a bit too. Allison took so many pictures, and eventually her husband took the phone so she could swap Jake places to stare down at the baby for herself. Jake did you a favor and took several beautiful photos of all of the women in your family crowding around you and the baby while the men grinned and took photos for their respective wives and well, girlfriend. Though, Steven calling you his wife by accident earlier made him think.

“¿Cómo estás, hermano? ¿Estás bien ahí dentro?” Andreas said taping him playfully on the forehead as he slung an arm around his shoulders. Jake tensed at first, but quickly made himself relax a bit. While startling, Jake wanted this brotherly affection.

“¿Quién soy yo? Oh I’m on top of the world!” He chuckled, patting his brother in laws shoulder in turn.

“It’s okay to be nervous Beta,” his father in law chuckled to his left. He could feel his hand on his back and he smiled at his shoes. “I know I was, two girls? And twins at that? Man I was terrified!“ your dad chuckled and he and Andreas chuckled with him. “I’ll tell you what though, the women in this family are magical. Something about them makes you wanna wrap em up and keep ‘em forever!” He laughed. “You’re gonna do great. All three of you, I hope you can hear me in there.”

Jake smiled and nodded. “They can, they feel as grateful as I am. We’re thrilled to have a good role model.” They broke it up when another click could be heard in the room, and they looked to see all three of the grown women holding up phones to capture this moment. “Romperlo, señoras. Enough pictures, you’ll ruin our street cred!” They all laughed at that and your family continued to pass the baby around. Jake quietly let Marc take back over when he saw him receive a text.

‘Son, I know we aren’t exactly on the best of terms, but I’m in the neighborhood, and I was wondering if I could stop by? - Dad’

Marc felt his muscles tense, and his head shot up to watch as your family contentedly continued to watch you feed the baby, your sister feeding you bites of whatever your mom brought for you to eat, while they had a hushed conversation about what she needed to pick up from the store, and where your parents would be staying. He smiled, and he looked back down at the text, feeling the cold chill tingle back up his spine.

“¿Estás bien, amigo?” Your sister said plopping down next to him on the pull out couch.

“Ye-yeah?” Marc muttered. Not exactly knowing how to respond.

“Oh, Marc, it’s you. What’s wrong man?” She said patting his back.

“Nothing it’s-“ he sighed and looked up into your sister’s eyes. He knew that Andreas struggled with his side of the family for a while when he chose to marry and move to the states, but this seemed like too much to put on your sister. “Hey!” He groused as your sister snatched his phone and proceeded to read the text from his dad. She was a brash one, your sister. Not afraid to take charge of a situation.

Her eyes widened as he read the text and her mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ “Oh man, Marc.” She sighed handing him the phone back. “Listen, if you were gonna ask for my opinion, which you weren’t, but I’ll give it to you anyway, if it disturbs your peace, it’s not worth it. I know that you want to make amends, but if it’s gonna wreck your mental health for the next seven to ten business days, let it go.” Marc considered this, and nodded uneasily, then as if sensing his discomfort, she spoke again. “But, then again, if this could be the beginning of a new chapter in the relationship you have with your father, go for it.” She shrugged, “Set boundaries, go at your pace, don’t be afraid to say no. Whatever the decision Marc, you are going to have to be the one to make it for your family. We will be here to back you, no matter what.” She winked and got up to go help you again, and he smiled softly, watching your family, HIS family, and picturing his father among them, and he decided maybe that picture would be nice.

‘Ok, why don’t you stop by before it gets too late. -Marc’

Your family as if by telepathy made themselves scarce within minutes of him sending the text, explaining that they would be back in a bit with another set of clothing for him, as well as the stuff you forgot to bring. Each woman in the family kissed him on the cheek in turn, and he smiled shakily at your sister as she bearded them out the door.

‘You got this!’ She mouthed with a big thumbs up, and he turned to you, fidgeting with his hands.

“You don’t have to worry, Allison already told me.” She smiled, “I think it’s a good idea inviting him here, in a controlled environment. We’re not inviting him into your safe space, we’re not going to his house. It’s a neutral territory. Easier.” You shrugged wrapping him in your arms, while your baby dosed quietly with you standing over top of her looking down.

“Yeah, easier.” Marc sighed, rubbing a hand down his face with a groan. “I hope you’re right.”

“When have I ever been wrong?” You laughed, plopping down next to him on your bed. “Now, come here and kiss me while the kid is sleeping, we got an hour before she’s hungry again, and I want to spend it loving on you!”

Marc grinned and devoured your mouth with a smile, caressing your curves and cradling your head. “God, what did I ever do to deserve you?” He grinned, then there was a knock. He paled, and you hushed him, smoothing a hand over his face with a smile. You both looked to see Marc’s father in the doorway, and you straightened yourself out, feeling a bit like horny teenagers.

“Hello!” You grinned taking the initiative, and waddling over to your father in law with a grin. “You must be Elias, nice to meet you.” You said shaking his hand. Marc placed himself between the cradle and the door where you stood, fidgeting with his fingers. He slowly walked up and put a hand around your waist and looked up to greet his dad.

“Hey, dad.” He nodded, waving awkwardly. The baby started fussing and you chuckled clicking your tongue. They just stood there staring at each other as you went to feed Aurora.

You were startled by how similar they looked, the hair, the nose, the stature. It was all very similar. You also couldn’t help but notice that Elias had the body language of Steven, it was shocking just how similar they looked. It was starting to get awkward as you sat feeding the baby, and you sighed when Juno walked in carrying a stack of something. “Why don’t you two go on a walk hmm?” you smiled, “I’ll finish feeding her, and you can come back and hold her.”

Elias, who still hadn’t said a word, nodded and ushered his son from the room. They walked side by side down the halls, waiting a considerable amount of time before either decided to speak. Elias took the initiative there.

“She’s uh,” he shook his head and motioned back toward the room with his hand. “She’s beautiful Marc! Quite the woman.”

He smiled, “You look very happy together.”

“Uh yeah,” Marc shrugged, “We are, we all are.” There it was. Out in the open. That simple use of ‘we’ was a powerful one. It thickened the air with crackling tension, as if any moment, lightning would strike and scatter their atoms to dust.

“Yeah, I’m-“ Elias sighed, rubbing his chin. “I’m glad to hear it. How are your uh, how’s your.” He gestured vaguely at his temple and tried to meet Marc’s gaze.

“ They’re fine, Steven is uh- Steven is now a tour guide at the museum?” His mouth was dry, tongue almost too heavy in his mouth, like he swallowed a million bees. “Jake is a cab driver, and I’m still. I’m still me.” He sighed. Elias nodded, and Marc took it as a good sign. “Yeah, uh. We, we’re getting help, talking to someone you know? It’s hard to parse everything out, but we make it work and she’s- God my wife is great!” He laughed with a shrug. “She’s the only thing keeping us all together.” He nodded tearfully.

“That’s good son, I’m happy for you.” He smiles, “Will you be ok? You know? With the baby and all? I guess it’s- I don’t know, I try reading and learning but everyone makes it seem like you’re- and I know your not, and then there’s your mo-“

“Honestly? I don’t want to talk about it.” Marc laughed bitterly. “I really don’t. We’re not dangerous, my alters and I all love the baby equally, we all want to be there for her, we all want to be good fathers. Clearly, having DID or not doesn’t determine wether or not I’ll be a good parent. It makes it harder, sure. We have a good partner though. She’s a great mom.” He nods settling his dad with a hard look. “I’m not ready to talk to you about- everything. Randall or-“ he paused and took a shaky breath. “Or mom. But, I want you to meet your granddaughter, I want to try again.”

Elias stood there for a moment in stunned silence, looking his son up and down. “Ok.”

He said simply, nodding slightly and patting Marc on the back. “I can do that. We can go at your pace. I want to meet them, Steven and Jake, I want to meet your wife or girlfriend? Are you married? Doesn’t matter, I want to hold your baby. I want to make up for lost time.”

Marc stood stunned and staring at his father, and he felt a weight fall off his shoulders. He never thought a conversation like this would be possible. He never thought all he had to do was set boundaries. He was more likely to believe he had to fight some weird dragon first or something. Your sister was right, boundaries were a good thing, and it made all of this easier, but he was exhausted, so he gripped his dad in a hug, and used it as excuse to let Steven front again. When he pulled back, Steven was startled to see his father. “Oh em, hello!” He waved and hunched back over with a small smile. Elias watched as his son’s posture became smaller, as if he was attempting to take up less space. He heard the accent and was startled, but he kept his composure with a smile. He was going to do this the right way, for his boy. “Dad! It’s really, it’s amazing to see you!” He chuckled awkary, scratching his head.

“Hello Steven. It’s nice to see you too, we should get back to your wife, yes?” He nodded putting a hand to his son’s back. He nodded, and Steven led him back to your room with a grin.

Steven was happy to see your family was back, filling the space with their noise and comfort. You seemed to be eating and the baby was tucked in her bassinet snoozing away. His father though, seemed a bit overwhelmed. “Um everyone? This is my Dad.”

He smiled, gesturing towards Elias with a smile. Elias waved and came further into the room. The room fell a bit quiet, and he heard the baby fuss. “Oh,” Steven cooed and went to pick her up gently. “Already used to the constant noise huh squirt? That’s good. Your mum’s family is a bit rowdy.” He chuckled as slowly, everyone introduced themselves after chuckling at his joke.

“Bring her over lovie!” You smiled, sat next to his father on your bed. You gestured for him to hand the baby to his dad, and he gently handed her over while you helped him to adjust to holding her head. “Isn’t she so pretty? I’m glad she got your brown eyes.” You mumbled absent mindedly, curling into his fathers back to look at the baby over his shoulder, reaching to pull her tiny hat back down over her head while his dad grinned down at her, muttering prayers and blessings in quiet Hebrew, telling you what he was like as a baby, and patting your hand fondly. Steven stepped back and took in the happy scene and his world, really, truly felt complete. Full to the brim of things he thought he couldn’t have.

You all settled into easy conversation until visiting hours came to a close. Steven had at some point been swamped again for Jake so he could speak to Elias, and the night went on without a hitch. By the time the nurse came to kick them out, Elias was playing a card game with your father, Allison and Andreas were speaking quietly with your mother about possible siblings for Cassie, and you, Jake, the baby, and Cassie were all curled up in your bed. Cassie was at the laying on your right, tucked into your side and snoozing clutching her bear, who’s matching twin bear was tucked in the empty cradle while Aurora was being held, you were curled into Jake who was on your left with a flat cap resting over his eyes, possibly sleeping, possibly ‘just resting Los viejos ojos’, and the baby was resting gently on your legs where they were bent at the knee. “Are you happy Querida?” Jake muttered with a grin, rubbing your arm.

“Of course my love!” You beamed, cuddling closer to him as you gestured to the bed. “I got my sun, moon, and stars laying here with me, how could I not be?” He chuckled and muttered about how cheesy that was, but gave you a sweet kiss anyway. The nurse told them all that visiting hours had ended, and they could all come back tomorrow. Each person took their turn saying goodbye with a hug and a kiss or a squeeze and a pat on the shoulder. Cassie whined a bit when she had to leave but otherwise they were fine. Then you were left to your own devices. You tucked the baby into her cradle, making sure to wrap her up snuggly in her blankets. Once it was all said and done, you all settled in to sleep, feeling perfectly content.

Konshu had been careful to keep his presence light in this affair, but he finally appeared again in your room while you slept. He peered down at the sleeping child, and rested his fingertips on her forehead, muttering a blessing under his breath. He stared and stared, keeping careful guard over his Avatar’s most valuable treasure yet, when he felt the presence of another divine being.

“Welcome, Juno.” He muttered, not bothering to look away from the baby.

“Hello old friend,” she sighed, wrapping an arm around one oh his and looking down at the baby herself. “How are they?” She nodded at the bed where their patrons lay.

“They will sleep peacefully, I saw to that.” He nodded, sparing a glance at them and turning his head back to the baby.

“Do they know?” Juno whispered, looking back to the baby and her friend as they both watched over their avatars.

“No, I’ll keep it that way as well,” Konshu sighed wearily, leaning into his staff with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “If it’s the smallest favor I give them, I have a strange and terrible feeling it still will never be enough.”

“Ah, so you’ve grown attached then?” Juno chuckles, touching the now slightly fussing baby with a finger, and soothing her before it disturbed the parents.

“To the worm? No.” Konshu scoffed, but Juno saw right through him. She glanced at the sleeping couple and grinned, “I simply pleaded with Taweret to let the child live in the face of certain doom and let her be strong. I’ll need a new avatar eventually!” He grumbled.

“Oh you silly old bird,” Juno laughed. “You can admit you like them, I won’t tell. I mean, you don’t go and plead to another goddess for the life of one child for nothing!” She winked and Konshu shook his head.

“I’ll admit to no such thing.” He huffed. But he still stood with Juno, watching as the soft, squishy, Human breathed in her cradle. Her spirit was strong to be certain. She was a fighter already, he could tell. She sighed, and a foreign sense of fierce loyalty came over the old god. He looked and looked and kept looking even after Juno had long sense left. He watched as you and his Moonknight took care of the child, not really making his presence known, but keeping an eye out anyway. Making sure nobody was coming for them while they were sedentary. It was strange, he had never seen all facets of his Avatar content before, but he liked it. He valued this aspect of his avatar, it restored a part of him that Konshu valued most about them, their humanity. Seeing him so vulnerable, and overjoyed, and downright hopeful. It reminded him why he chose them in the first place. Their compassion, their bravery. He valued that, even more, he valued this tiny baby, and the baby’s mother who made them all so happy. He liked this family, liked their strength. Maybe Juno was right, maybe he was fond of them after all. Only one way to find out, stay with them as long as he can. And so, he did.

[ckret2]

GVK spoilers below, about conspiracy theories

I’m gonna get around to posting all my GVK reactions but this one got long so I’m putting it in its own post.

The Monsterverse series, in both KOTM and GVK, has some pretty interesting things to say about conspiracy theories and ecofascism; but, unfortunately, it doesn’t REALIZE that it’s saying any of them, so it keeps dropping the ball and missing opportunities to explore them.

Starting with KOTM, “there’s too many humans so we’ve just gotta let some die and that’ll fix pollution 🤷” is like false ecofascist claim #1 but at no point in the movie was it challenged as unfactual, it was just presented as a sad truth that people have to do morally ambiguous things about. Except that it’s just literally mathematically not true!

Emma could be such a GREAT, believable character—especially in this world with, like, frigging QAnon nonsense getting such widespread traction—showing a compelling, realistic tragedy of how this normal, intelligent, well-educated white mom who otherwise is likely left-leaning (pro-environmentalism, pro-nature conservation, got a doctorate and generally more academia correlates with more liberal ideals) got sucked into a far right ecofascist doomsday militia that combines hokey pseudo-environmentalist propaganda with “in balance with nature” semi-religious mysticism, because she was exploited at a time when she was emotionally vulnerable (when her kid had just died) and was lacking healthy emotional support (when her husband turned to alcohol and then ran off).

... Except the movie never says that her “overpopulation” beliefs are WRONG. It says that they’re RIGHT, and she was just forced to choose between two losing scenarios—deliberately kill most of humanity to hopefully save a few, or watch humanity kill itself.

Nobody bothers to mention that the size of the population isn’t the problem, it’s the disproportionate pollution coming out of first world countries. Nobody bothers to mention that when Emma talks about “overpopulation” and shows a screenshot of an overcrowded neighborhood, it ain’t affluent downtown skyscraper condos in Europe or America that she’s highlighting, but large masses of poor people whose neighborhoods look “dirty” to the white woman’s eyes, despite the fact that they’re contributing the least to humanity’s carbon footprint.

Emma’s beliefs are empirically wrong, and if KOTM had ever demonstrated that, it would’ve been brilliant. Instead, it tries to say “she was right, she just went too far,” and in doing so loses an opportunity to make Emma a deeply believable, timely, realistic, well-meaning but wrong villain.

And now we’ve got GVK, which has swerved away from the ecofascism but doubled down on the conspiracy theories. Here, Emma’s daughter, who was raised for five years with what amounts to a survivalist doomsday cult’s beliefs, when faced with the grief of her mother’s death and the struggle of trying to reconnect to her estranged father, turns—again—to conspiracies to make sense of the world around her. Because that’s what Madison’s been raised with, and even though she got disillusioned with the particular “we know something special that the normal people can’t handle” beliefs that she was raised with, that kind of thinking is still what she knows. She’s still doing what her mother raised her to do! She’s still pulling the “hypercompetent highly-trained lone wolf ‘survivor’ saves the world” shtick that Jonah’s gang taught her to do—but it’s never brought up that it was screwed up to raise a child like that and it’s screwed up for her to still be interacting with the world like that.

At least THIS conspiracy theorist isn’t literally advocating for global genocide. Bernie’s focus largely seems to be on “this corporation is trying to screw people over and screw up the environment—” (because in Monsterverse, as in Toho monster movies as a whole, kaiju/titans and the environment are symbolically conflated, so if a corporation is messing with Godzilla then they’re messing with nature as well) “—so I’m gonna find out what they’re up to and be a whistleblower.” Which is great! Solid start! We’ve got a guy taking aim at big business and who says “when the weather Godzilla acts erratic, it’s not random chance, it’s because a big business is doing something it shouldn’t,” so it looks like we’ve got a leftist conspiracy theorist, that’s different, could be interesting to explore.

Except then he starts talking about governments serving a “global elite” and facilities built by “lizard people” and then we’ve swung right back around to the far right by casually dropping in a couple of antisemitic conspiracy theories.

Add that in with the whole “hollow earth” thing and damn, we’re namedropping a lot of antisemitic conspiracy theories, aren’t we? Granted, most conspiracy theories ARE antisemitic—but like, they could have dug around for some that aren’t. Have him talk some more about Roswell. Have him bring up things that we’ve actually got documentation happened and theorize that MKUltra research was used in Apex’s development of their pilot’s psychic mind link to Mechagodzilla. Have him bring up tailor-made-for-the-Monsterverse conspiracy theories that don’t exist here, “Monster Zero is actually the secret weapon of a nearby ‘Planet X’ that’s gonna invade,” whatever. Instead, nah, we went with the antisemitic ones.

Now, do I think the writers behind KOTM and GVK intended antisemitism? Do I think they’re closet alt-right trying to dogwhistle the fascists in the audience? No, I think they think they’re making fun of—or playing around with—what they see as harmless, unbelievable, way-out-there conspiracy theories. I think they know just enough about “hollow earth” and “global elites” and “lizard people” to make references to them, but not in a way that promotes the common antisemitic understanding of those theories as true. (Monsterverse’s hollow earth, a weird underground jungle where King Kong lives, sure doesn’t resemble the usual conspiracy theory.) To me, the way they were used suggests the writers didn’t deeply understand (or at least, didn’t deeply think about) what the theories really mean—nor what they imply about the beliefs of the characters who espouse them. Which is the crux of my issue with how the movies deal with conspiracy theories and ecofascists and so forth (beyond the fact that, hey, I just don’t like seeing likable characters casually referencing antisemitic beliefs): the writers didn’t think about the implications.

Because these things do imply a lot! For example, if, say, Josh, total newb to conspiracy theories, had asked about lizard people, I would have grimaced to hear it but I would have believed that he’s a teen boy that picked up the term at school and doesn’t know anything about what’s behind it. But on the other hand, I can’t believe a guy so deep in the conspiracy theory world that he bathes in bleach doesn’t know exactly what those conspiracies mean—or, even if he does somehow staunchly refuse to believe that “lizard people” is a code for “Jewish people,” that whatever circle of conspiracy theorists he runs with doesn’t use it as a code. Bernie didn’t pick up those beliefs in a void. I really doubt that’s what the writers wanted to imply about the goofy likable underdog with a podcast.

And sure, the “global elite” and “lizard people” references are presented like a “haha look how far out his beliefs are” joke—the same as the fluoride reference, which is basically Hollywood code for “bogus nonsense only complete lunatics believe” thanks to Dr. Strangelove—but at the same time, they’re never really disproven. Nothing he believes is challenged. Nor are any of Madison’s beliefs that she’s picked up from him. Everything they both believe is either a “wow that’s wild” throwaway joke, or else they’re presented as totally right, e.g. about Apex being up to dubious crap that’s irritating Godzilla.

Just like Emma, who was presented as in the wrong not because she was incorrect but because she WAS correct but took the wrong actions. And just like Rick in KOTM, who kept bring up the hollow earth theory like a running joke but then the joke was that he was right.

And that’s at the root of the issues with both movies’ portrayals of conspiracy theories. Aside from the jokes that are never explored (and therefore, never disproven), the movies say that, every time it matters, the conspiracy theorists on the fringe are correct, the heroes that need to be believed. Even though all (excluding Rick) are characters who have suffered deep loss, who have been hurt, who you can imagine as passionate but grieving people who turned to dangerously wrong extremism in their search for meaning... the movies don’t portray them as people who have been led astray by their pain, but enlightened by their pain. Which is what they themselves think they are, sure, but that doesn’t line up with reality.

The movies never forces them to grapple with how far they’ve gone astray from reality—and I think they should. I’d like to see them processing the revelation that their beliefs are wrong. Whether it’s as big as somebody trying to convince Emma that killing half the population doesn’t fix the pollution caused by corporations rich enough to weather a global hurricane, or as small as Bernie looking at Apex’s financial records and realizing the company’s money is going to the CEO’s vacation home rather than a reptile government and deciding to rethink those beliefs after they’ve checked out Hong Kong.

“Conspiracy theorist is right about everything” is already a common enough trope that Monsterverse isn’t breaking any new ground with it. And in a franchise like Godzilla, whose movies are rife with messages both allegorical and literal about environmentalism, corporate exploitation, the futility of military action, international politics, war crimes... letting the conspiracy theorists be wrong and showing that they’re wrong and what that wrongness can lead to would mesh far better with the themes of Godzilla.

Think about Jonah and Emma unleashing Ghidorah (who emerged from a destroyed ice cap and immediately caused devastating hurricanes—a perfect metaphor for climate change), and what that could say about how ecofascists who purportedly joined the movement because they support environmentalism are actually far more in bed with the destructive industries really at the root of environmental damage... if the movie acknowledged them as ecofascists.

Think about how Jonah collected Ghidorah’s head at the end of KOTM and by the time of GVK it was in Apex’s hands, and how this exchange demonstrates that “I want to unleash titans to destroy humanity to save the environment” Jonah the ecoterrorist and “I want to beat the titans to protect humanity” Simmons the billionaire CEO actually have far more similar ideals beneath the surface of their opposed goals—ideals that have less to do with the environment or with humanity and more to do with securing personal power and control... if the movie had explained how this exchange took place.

Think about how Madison’s mother died trying to mitigate just a little of the damage she did under the thrall of a doomsday cult’s skewed beliefs, how even though Madison broke free she found herself embroiled in similarly skewed beliefs just three years later, and how powerful it would have been if she recognized that she herself had walked right back into the kind of fringe beliefs her mother had led her into as a child, and if she had then resolved to learn how this kept happening to her and break this pattern... if the movie had ever let her realize that she was making the same mistakes, or even acknowledged them as mistakes.

There’s so much potential there, so many things you can see happening right beneath the surface... but the movies never touch on them. And so it looks like, in Monsterverse, all fringe beliefs are either right or harmless. And we never get the “disillusioned conspiracy theorist” story that could be so brilliant and that, right now, would be so relevant.

[wirewitchviolet]

A Little Horrifying Primer on Transphobes

Some time ago, I put together a Little Fact Checking Primer on Trans People, as a basic resource for disabusing people of some of the many completely ridiculous yet absurdly widespread beliefs about trans people that simply have no basis whatsoever in reality. And wouldn’t you know it, every single lie exposed in that primer is not only still widely believed, but is presently being used as a basis to sign some absolutely horrific human rights abuses into law. So it’s high time I follow that up, in this case focused more on who keeps actively spreading these lies and why. I’m going to try and keep things as light as I can here, but we’re going to be looking at the most monstrous side of human nature, so apologies in advance if this is a dark read.

First, let me just note that there are two things I don’t plan to do in this piece. I’m not going to waste time debunking the arguments of the people I’m highlighting (much of this is already covered in my earlier primer, others have done the work in cases where I haven’t, and frankly these people’s claims should be self-evidently utter nonsense to begin with). I am also going to be very selective in what I link to, or even share related images of, as I would frankly not like to fill a post on a blog I generally try to keep safe for all audiences with media directly dealing with, for instance, child sexual assault, and much of the relevant information also involves stochastic terrorism against innocent people, and I would prefer not to throw more fuel onto such fires.

Transphobes lie constantly, about everything.

To some degree this is obvious. We’re talking about people who scaremonger about the possibilities of trans women dominating competitive sports and assaulting people in restrooms, despite the status quo already reflecting the conditions they insist would make these inevitibilities for decades and centuries respectively, and their grim visions never once having come to pass, and also constantly insisting that the woman in the photo below is actually a man, going further to say this is evident to anyone giving her the merest glance.

It goes beyond that though. There’s at least a little plausible deniablity in claims like this, or that “science is on their side” if they were simply uninformed about the world they live in, never actually looking into what laws exist, what science actually says, and never actually meeting a trans person or even seeing a picture of one of us. I’m talking really bold lies here. Like wholecloth fabricating a story that a convicted murder was trans, including anecdotes about wigs dresses and a planned name change, in a major newspaper. Or to cite an old favorite of mine, the time a pack of bigots walked up to a crowd of people peacefully picketing a transphobic legal proposal, started roughing them up and taking closeup photos of members of the crowd to stalk online when they got home, got sufficiently riled up for one to straight up assault an innocent person half her size, filmed the whole thing, uploaded it to youtube, and used stills of that assault as acomanying photos when they went home to write articles about the assailant being a “grandmother” attacked by rowdy trans women. And yes, they did monkey’s paw my wish to see that specific image on newspapers. Interesting side note, when it came to real public light that J.K. Rowling endorsed this sort of hatred, it was because she accidentally pasted some profanity laden rambling about how the imagined moral character of the other party in that incident, years after the fact, into a post praising a child’s fan art of her work.

To be a little less niche, transphobes can’t get enough of spreading the lie that the young fellow in this photo is a girl. Specifically a trans girl, providing proof that all their scaremongering about the dastardly threat of trans girls in competitive sports has finally come to pass.

To be fully clear, that’s a man (or a boy if you want to split hairs about him being 17 in that photo). Mack Beggs. A rather insidious choice for this sort of story, considering the actual context for that photo. See, Beggs attended high school in Texas, during a (still ongoing as I write this) period wherein that particular state had caved to this exact sort of propaganda, and in order to head off a wholly imagined wave of trans girls competing on girls’ sports teams, and enacted a law mandating that in all such competitions must compete under whatever gender is stated on their birth certificates. And as it happens, the first, and to my knowledge ONLY time this has come up was with Beggs here, who again, is a man, as no one with a grip on reality could argue against, has “female” on his birth certificate. Which is another way of saying he is a trans man. The guys in the same boat as trans women who we talk about a whole hell of a lot less because their existence is extremely inconvenient to the majority of transphobic propaganda. Case in point. And this is all information it is really impossible to come across if you’re coming across this photo in any sort of respectable source. Take this story, which is as unambiguous about this as you can get. And yet, in the very comments section of that story, there they are. Carrying on like this story about a trans guy, forced by a transphobic law to compete as a girl, which he absolutely did not want, and received horrific threats over, using phrases like “female to male” and bringing up that he was assigned female at birth and is on testosterone-based HRT, is about a trans woman cheating the system. Or to quote word for word, “Now also transgender female want to be male also compete in female sport. biological born“ That’s not “being confused,” that’s standing next to you in a white desert and complaining about being adrift in a black ocean, bald-faced, not even trying to be convincing just make a power play, lying through one’s teeth.

I could spend this whole article on just this point. Lying about who they are, various people’s falsified credentials, whole websites full of “anonymous parents of children who think they’re trans” turning out to be one single woman documenting the abuse of her very much trans son, or of course the people behind the whole “bathroom bill” panic candidly admitting it was all based on utter fiction. I do have other points to cover though.

Transphobes are firmly entrenched in the media.

It is extremely difficult to find oneself in a position of having to explain to people that a particular group of people is effectively in control of press outlets, as that is rather classically a claim conspiracy theorists absolutely love to toss around at various marginalized groups (including trans people hilariously enough, but of course the most common and lingering version of this is the antisemitic variant). I really can’t get around it here though. Specifically in the U.K., you honestly can say that transphobes control the media. I already touched on this with the assault case I mentioned above and the fabricated story about the murderer, but this is a pretty well-documented situation. I mean, even The Guardian calls out The Guardian on this, and that’s the outlet that gets the most attention because it’s the one with the most otherwise respected name, but every paper in the country has been running transphobic propaganda pieces on a weekly if not daily basis for years now, and while they do get reprimanded by watchdog groups and have mass walk-outs over the worst of it, it’s not like there’s some governing body with the authority to step in about it. Meanwhile the BBC is constantly inviting diehard zealots like Graham Linehan to news programs where he compares being trans to being a nazi, and hosting debates where someone just sits down and repeatedly chants the word “penis” at a trans woman.

Things are better in the rest of the world, but we still have right-wing creeps like Jesse Singal both writing horrific propaganda pieces (we’ll get back to that one) and blackballing trans writers out of covering trans issues ourselves (and personally stalking the hell out of those of us who try). We’ve got our Joe Rogans and Tucker Carlsons out there (no way in hell I’m linking videos here, have a real information link and a still).

The line between diehard transphobes and straight-up nazis basically does not exist.

What even is there to say here? You can easily poke around havens for nazi activity for yourself and compare the particular unique vocabulary used there to the primary bastion of anti-trans hate speech on the internet (the “feminism” section of what was originally a site for parenting tips before violent fascists took the forums over) or just peruse the follows of the thousands of people I’ve blocked on social media and see if you can sort out a clear division in the networks of channers with frog avatars and the accounts with names like GoodieXXrealwoman, or you can read up on Gab and Spinster, the two twitter alternatives that are just different portals to the same server, set up by the same guy. Maybe do some research into “the LGB Alliance,” or WoLF but any way you slice it the only real difference to be found is the general purpose nazis take a little time off now and then to watch borderline pedophilic anime and the really dedicated transphobes think to use language that sounds vaguely well-educated and left-leaning. I mean, this came from the “feminist” side of the fence:

And not to belabor the point here, but the ones claiming to be a bunch of “feminist mums” sure do let the mask slip any time they’re confronted with the fact that “women” includes black women, and oh just have a whole thread about all the weird conspiratory theories these people have about how trans people’s whole existence is some sort of Jewish plot for world domination. I swear a few months ago they were all passing around a story about some bank having an above average number of trans employees and they were all just “and we all know who controls the banks, right?” about it.

Transphobes endorse an awful lot of people who are openly pro-pedophila.

This is the part where I am really loath to link the many many specific examples I have on hand. Or to talk about this at all for reasons of good taste. Or, for that matter, to talk about this in a tumblr post when there’s an ongoing problem of people with backgrounds strongly tied to this site making baseless accusations of pedophilia against every queer person they can find, so let me be very clear just what I’m talking about while avoiding anything too graphic.

That’s James Cantor. Transphobes love him for being one of the closest things they have to a scientist on their side. And I am featuring him in a screenshot here showing that he is followed by current queen of the transphobes J.K. Rowling, while speaking to both another big name in transphobic circles, Debra Soh, and based on their names, what I’m guessing is at least one straight-up nazi. And in case you think “the P” he’s talking about adding to LGBT (or “GLBT” as weird anti-queer bigots who also have issues with women often write it) might stand for “poly” or “pan” he’s all too happy to clarify that.

This is the entire thrust of Cantor’s work and life. He is the world’s biggest pedophile rights advocate. He wants it declassified as a mental disorder, all stigma on it removed, and tirelessly pushes forward the idea that the majority of.. people who feel compelled to sexually assault children are good people who present no potential harm to anyone and should in fact be lauded.

I am not generally one to claim that someone with a PhD is spewing out questionable garbage with regard to their field, but the reason I am aware of Cantor at all is that other transphobes keep trying to hold up a particular post on his blog as "a study” (which it is not) that offers “proof” (in the form of a blurry jpeg of basically some random numbers) of some ridiculous quackery about how trans kids will “grow out of it” if exposed to conversion therapy (another way of saying torture), which Cantor himself seems to be pushing, so I am somewhat skeptical of his academic chops. And I am, of course, REALLY suspicious that all these other bigots gravitate to him purely because they’re that desperate to find anyone with a PhD in anything that backs them up against literally every scientist in a relative field, to the point that they merely forgive his particular advocacy they are plainly all aware of, particularly when such a common fig leaf used by transphobes is “keeping children safe from sexual deviants.”

And of course, Cantor is most often invoked when coming to the defense of Kenneth Zucker. This Kenneth Zucker.

Those are separate papers. Zucker isn’t controversial though for organizing panels to discuss how attractive people agree small children are (at least not exclusively). Mostly, he’s known for running a conversion therapy center which subjected gay and trans children to various sorts of torture in an effort to “fix” them, which at least for those trans "patients” I have spoken with involved a fair amount of having them strip completely naked and talking a lot about their genitals.

Zucker is something of a controversial figure with the transphobic scene, as they are extremely on board with his sexual torture of queer children, but he does actual work (for some value of the term) involving trans people and thus is not able to commit as fully as they would prefer to making life horrible for trans people, due to a professional obligation to acknowledge reality now and then. As an aside, the similarly positioned Ray Blanchard, while not to my knowledge particularly interested in the attractiveness of children, lives in a similar purgatory of trying to reconcile his career, bigotry, and sexual hangups, yielding compromises like this:

Of course, that’s just looking at the straws transphobes grasp at when looking for scientific credibility. Real leaders of the movement include Germaine Greer, author of The Beautiful Boy, which is about what you are afraid it might be, and features a very young child in a cover feature he did not consent to posing for. Or Julie Bindel, who among other things is rather infamous for writing whole articles on subjects like whether a teenage girl she came across maybe has a huge penis you can totally see if you really squint at her skirt. Again, I will not share a link to go along with that one.

Transphobes terrorize and attempt to defund charities and other unambiguously good organizations.

Graham Linehan, previously best known for cowriting some sitcoms and possibly spending a year angling to get into my pants so awkwardly I didn’t pick up on it is now best known for trying to pull the plug on a children’s charity, in a story that somehow also involves Donkey Kong. Well, and the interview about nazis. And possibly the other interview about “defending me from nazis” until it got into his head that I might not be as young and hot as he imagined. Rather not link to a far right extremist youtube channel though.

There’s also a current effort to replace Stonewall (an organization named after the location where a pair of trans women kicked off a riot which is generally agreed to be the start of the LGBT+ rights movement) as the UK’s primary LGBT+ rights organization with the “LGB Alliance.” The hate group mentioned above, with the skull face and the rifle. Closest I can find to an article on that effort on short notice that isn’t propaganda.

Transphobes paper areas in truly disgusting propaganda.

I don’t want to directly link to grown adults skulking around children’s playgrounds and bathrooms plastering surfaces with mass printed stickers of crudely drawn penises, but would encourage you to read this very long post, being sure to load all the images, to really understand how deeply strange this behavior gets.

Finally, I cannot stress this enough, this really extreme behavior I’m citing, and the specific people involved in the examples I’m giving, these aren’t random cranks on the fringe of things. The people going on televised panel discussions, writing up news stories, and testifying before lawmakers in efforts to pass horrifically discriminatory if not literally life-endangering laws (there is a major ongoing effort to legally end all medical care for trans people, and I don’t just mean care directly relating to being trans) are literally the same people involved in the sexualization of children, nazi collaborations, and roving gangs assaulting people in the street. At a bare minimum I urge people, when booking guests and handing out writing contracts, to do background checks and see if they’re platforming actual terrorists. If we could actually bring legal consequences to bear against the worst of this, that would be great too. As things stand though, the whole world is just consistently citing a bunch of racist, woman-hating, serial liars with no real credentials, and questionable attitudes towards the sexual abuse of children, as “trusted experts” and refusing to seat actual trans people or people who have legitimately committed lifetimes to academic and practical work with trans people any seats at the table.

[simpingforthehunt]

Weak Spot

Pairing: Jonah x Reader

Premise: The Hunt finds out about Jonah dating Meyer's adopted daughter.

Masterlist

Requested by: anon

Word count: 1,149

A/N: The scenario that fit best in my mind was Amy's wedding, so Roxy isn't in it but otherwise it's the rest of the Hunt. I surprised myself by finishing this before 1AM, though, lmao. Hope you enjoy!

Jonah had only been a member of The Hunt for a week until he started dating Meyer's adopted daughter. For the sake of the crew, the teens decided to keep it secret from everyone. Y/N, especially, wasn't sure how her father would react and didn't want to hear Harriet yell at them for making a stupid decision. As well, Jonah wanted to get on everyone's good side before their relationship became public.

Getting everyone to like him proved harder than expected, the only ones Jonah felt he could really trust were Mindy and Murray. The married couple were the first to find out about the two, by walking in on them making out, and kept it a secret at their request. Mindy was overjoyed that they were together, but it took time for Murray to warm up to it. More than anything, he wanted the best for both the teens and was unsure that being together in such a dangerous profession was a good idea.

A week before Amy Markowitz's wedding, Y/N and Jonah were over at Mindy and Murray's home for tea. They wanted to talk to the two of them, after noticing the Hunt slowly catching on to their secret.

"They’ll find out soon," Murray said. "It's best if it comes from the two of you."

"We're waiting for the right time," Y/N shrugged. "Don’t want to cause a scene."

"What about Amy's wedding?" Mindy suggested, earning a confused look from everyone. "The two of you can go as a couple. Our friends won't cause a scene in front of all of Amy's guests."

It took a bit of convincing, but eventually, Mindy got them to agree. The hours leading up to the wedding were nerve-wracking. The morning of, Jonah found out he had to recite the Birkat Kohanim in place of his Grandmother. After picking up his suit, he spent the day at the Offerman's getting ready and practicing the blessing. "How are you doing?" 

"I can't get the words down," Jonah threw the prayer sheet down in frustration. "You'd think the last-minute news would cause me to panic and cram it, but nothing is working."

"Something I find always helps me is putting the words to a tune," Y/N told him. "Easier to remember the words and pronunciations."

"Thanks, Y/N," he gave her a small smile. "But trust me when I say no one wants to hear me sing."

"You'll be fine," she assured him. "We have to get going."

"Fuck, already?" Jonah stood up and tied the tie around his neck in a rush. Just as he was about to leave the room, Y/N stopped him and took the tie in her hands.

"It's crooked," she said, adjusting it. Instinctively, Jonah wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling Y/N closer. "Jonah, we're going to be late."

"We'll be fine," he shrugged, smiling cheekily. Y/N rolled her eyes at him, but couldn't hide her smile. Jonah gave her a quick kiss before pulling apart.

"Ready?"

"I don't think I ever will be." He admitted and followed her to the car. 

The wedding was beautiful, and everything went smoothly. After Jonah butchered the Birkat Kohanim and then managed to save it, the Emcee announced it to be time for dinner. Y/N had sat down at a table with Jonah to eat when Meyer had joined them. "Is there something the two of you would like to tell me?" 

"Uh…" Jonah froze up and looked to his girlfriend for help.

"Yeah, actually," Y/N took a deep breath. It was now or never, and she just wanted to get it done and over with. "Jonah and I are dating, and have been for a couple weeks now." 

Meyer sat there for a minute, silent. His eyes flit between the two of them, increasing their nerves. It felt like a long ten minutes had passed before Meyer said anything. "I'm very happy for both of you. But Jonah… if you hurt her I will not forgive you, my boy."

"I understand," Jonah responded, the nerves somehow increasing. The boy was about to say something else when the band began to play Hava Nagila, and the horah started. They were pulled away from the table to join the dance, kicking off the party.

This was the first time Jonah ever felt connected to the Jewish community and was having a great time with Y/N when Joe and Lonny arrived at the wedding. The men gave updates on the information they found and were about to go back to the party when Harriet waltzed in. In anger, Joe attacked the Nun and everyone moved into a different room. When Harriet yelled at Joe to open the trunk of her car, everyone went outside and found a man tied up looking up at the crew.

Instinctively, Jonah grabbed Y/N's hand and interlocked their fingers. Part of him was still unable to stomach the torture and kidnapping that the Hunt often did. The sight, while not as gruesome as Dieter Zweigelt the day before, still managed to make him feel sick. "Who is that? Is that the Wolf?"

"Not my Wolf," Meyer shook his head.

"Wait a minute," Harriet said, pointing at their interlocked hands. "When the bloody fuck did this happen?"

"A couple weeks ago," Jonah answered, squeezing Y/N's hand.

"Well, break-up," she demanded. "Didn't I just tell you relationships are a weak spot? This is a liability and could put our whole operation in jeopardy."

"Come on, Harriet," Lonny interjected. "They're just kids. Besides, it would be good to let Jonah get a wank job once in a while."

"Lonny!" Everyone yelled at him, causing the actor to put his hands up in surrender.

"I said what I said."

"Let's just go back to the party and enjoy the rest of the night," Meyer suggested. Looking at Joe, he added, "take some time to cool off, too, hm?"

Y/N and Jonah made their way back to the party with Joe and Lonny, leaving Meyer and Harriet to talk alone. "Harriet's right, you know."

"It isn’t anyone's decision to make, but ours," Y/N told Joe, stubbornly. "Look, we aren't breaking up so all of you better get used to it now that it's out in the open."

Y/N pulled Jonah away from the men and brought them back to their table. "That went better than expected."

"I guess you're right." Y/N sighed, putting her head in her hands. "Still stressful."

"Hey, Y/N," Jonah spoke gently. "I love you, and nothing's going to change that."

"I love you, too." she gave him a small smile. "They'll warm up to it, eventually."

Jonah laughed at that and leaned over to kiss her. The Hunt would get used to them dating, no matter how long it takes.

[schraubd]

I Have To Talk About Omar and Melton-Meaux, Don't I?

I really don't want to. I really, really don't. But sometimes something falls too close to your wheelhouse to ignore it. And with separate antisemitism controversies hitting both Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) and her main Democratic primary opponent Antone Melton-Meaux within a few days of one another, I -- writer on antisemitism and former resident of Minnesota's 5th congressional district -- probably can't sit this one out. As much as I want to. Which I do. Both candidates are under some fire for things put in campaign communications. Melton-Meaux released an "FAQ" which included the questions "Why do you have so much support from Jewish people/pro-Israel people" and "Will the money you received from the Jewish community influence your policy decisions?" (to the latter of which he replied "no" and noted his opposition to many policies undertaken by Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu). Omar's allies said that by implying that Jews only care about Israel-related issues and supposedly conflating "Jewish people" and "pro-Israel people", he was invoking in veiled fashion a dual-loyalty trope. Omar sent out a campaign mailer accusing Melton-Meaux of being in the pocket of conservative, big money interests, with all of the named donors being Jewish (plus a "Michael from Scarsdale, New York"). This was alleged by Omar's opponents to be an allusion to his opponent being "bought" by Jews (cf. fellow Minnesota Rep. Tom Emmer (R) sending out a mailer naming three Jewish billionaires who had "bought" control of Congress). What do I think? Most importantly, while I don't think there is no fire behind this smoke, obviously a lot of the high dudgeon on display here from both sides is really just shots-of-opportunity. That's not exactly surprising, given the nature of politics and all, but still disappointing. I also reiterate my point that while people outside of the 5th District only care about this race for Israel/antisemitism/Islamophobia reasons, the dynamics within the district are generally concentrating on other things (including whether Rep. Omar is more concerned with her national profile than with the particular needs of her district). On the specifics: Melton-Meaux's FAQ is clearly styled as responding to "questions" that amount to hostile whisper-campaigns (i.e., that he's a stalking horse for far-right Jewish and/or pro-Israel interests). On one level, this is why I don't really see the first question as conflating "Jewish" and "pro-Israel" -- aside from the fact that they are listed separately, in context it denotes two variants of a similar question he receives (and the questioners probably aren't too fastidious about the distinction). But the problem with such whisper-campaigns is that it can be really hard to respond directly to the allegation without in some way legitimizing or retrenching it. Imagine being asked if a candidate supports "the gay agenda" -- you can't really answer "yes" or "no", because the entire way the question is framed makes answering it a trap. This is why you don't accept your opponents' framing of questions, as any halfway competent campaign should know. Doing otherwise means you suddenly are putting out statements answering questions like, well, "Will the money you received from the Jewish community influence your policy decisions?" There's no good answer to that question, which is a good sign that Melton-Meaux shouldn't be asking it to himself. To the extent that some Jews cringe while reading it, he has no one to blame but himself. As for Omar. While all of the named persons in her mailer are Jewish, none of them are specifically identified as Jewish (the theme of the mailer is that many of his opponents' donors are backing him solely because they hate her, which is probably true).  But on face, this doesn't distinguish her mailer from Emmer's, or Trump's 2016 "closing argument" ad which featured Hillary Clinton and then three Jews associated with money -- George Soros, Janet Yellen, and Lloyd Blankfein (none of whom were explicitly identified as Jewish either). For those in the right circles, Scarsdale is well-known as a very Jewish and very rich town (hence its appearance in the "JAP battle rap", featuring "two hard-as-nails she-brews from SCARSDALE!"). It is fair to say that few people in Minnesota are likely to know this though (had she called out donors from St. Louis Park, by contrast, everyone in her district would know what she meant even as nobody outside the Twin Cities would have a clue). On the whole, my real takeaway is feeling more convinced than ever about the need to think about antisemitism less as a question of motives and more as a question of impact. It strikes me as implausible that Melton-Meaux was intentionally trying to antagonize the Jewish community by loudly disavowing his support; it was an awkward effort by a novice campaign staff to respond to a smear -- but one that nonetheless retrenched the perception that the Jewish community is a force one needs to declare his independence from. Melton-Meaux may be a political newbie, but he has an obligation to be attentive to that dynamic and not blunder into traps quite that obvious. With respect to Omar, I likewise find it highly unlikely that her campaign staff went on a hunt for rich Jewish donors to her opponent in a sly bid to dog-whistle at her opponent being owned by the Jews. Nonetheless, it is probably the case that the Jewish associations of the people cited -- while not likely to be picked up by many if not most of her readers -- likely do help make the attack land more effectively for those who do spot the pattern. I've written elsewhere about how one thing antisemitism does is it greases the wheels of plausibility; when you're trying to tag your opponent as in the bag for big Wall Street money (or Marxism, or "globalism" for that matter) it just feels more right when there's a Jewish hook to go along with it. It's in accord with deep-seated background intuitions, it makes the entire package feel more harmonious. This is one reason why I think someone in the Omar campaign could have reasonably been expected to check and see whether everyone they're talking about is Jewish -- and if not, find some different names (one has to think that there are some non-Jewish rich people who also are pumping money into her opponent's campaign, yes?). But ultimately, I think this is all relatively small fries. The hypocrisy is perhaps more bothersome than anything else. I get the frustration from Omar's allies that they think she's constantly being pelted with small-ball nonsense on the antisemitism front, and so perhaps they think turnabout is fair play when they can accuse Omar's opponent of being the "dual loyalty" trope guy (you can almost feel the catharsis from here!). But either they think stuff at this level is fair game or they don't; they can't have it both ways unless they really do believe that antisemitism can legitimately be treated as instrumental political football. And on the other side, regarding the conservative media ready to stand up and shout about "yet another instance of Ilhan Omar being antisemitic!" -- unless they're willing to concede that the bulk of the Jewish community was absolutely correct in saying that the contemporary GOP, what with its brazen targeting of Soros, Bloomberg, Steyer, etc., is shot through with antisemitism from root to branch, they need to sit the hell down. As always, however strong or weak you think the case for Ilhan Omar being antisemitic is, it's far less strong than the case for the GOP being antisemitic. If I have to listen to one more attempted gotcha from the Republican Jewish Coalition about Jewish Democrats staying out of the 5th District endorsement game, when they're affirmatively trying to put this guy into a Minnesota U.S. Senate seat, I'm going to have an aneurysm. Okay, I've done my duty. As a palate-cleanser, please read this lovely column by a Minnesota Jewish Republican explaining, in touching and heart-felt terms, why he considers Ilhan Omar a dear friend. It really is a nice piece of writing from a man whom I have to assume has decided he never wants to have any role in Republican Party politics again, because any public dictation about Ilhan Omar that's friendlier than "she's a she-devil" is grounds for immediate ex-communication from the party. And, just so nobody thinks I'm endorsing one way or the other (I'm not, and will not), read as well this column from Avi Olitzky explaining why he is such a fan of Melton-Meaux. via The Debate Link https://ift.tt/2ZUSIUn

[clairecrive]

Christmas imagine - Alfie Solomons x reader

Happy Christmas eve guys! Here's a little imagine for you, I hope you like it. Please remember that feedback and requests are always very much appreciated. P.s. how hard is to write how Alfie speaks?

"Alfie, do you have a minute?" you ask shyly poking your head into his office. He was looking at some papers, nothing new, and didn't look up even when he heard your voice. However, a grunt and a gesture with his hand invited you in.

"What can I do for ya?" he mumbled still absorbed in his papers

"I was wondering if you could give me the rest of the day off so I could run some errands," you asked quietly while fidgeting with your fingers.

At this Alfie finally looked at you, surprised and curious about your request and after a glance at you, by your nervousness too. You stopped being this shy after things between you started to become more than an employer-employee relationship.

The reason you were so nervous wasn't for the act of requesting itself, you knew that Alfie would grant it. It was rather the reason why you were asking for it. You didn't know if buying him a Christmas present would be too much for the current status of your relationship. Nevertheless, you wanted to do something nice for him, and what better idea than a present?

"This time of the year is fucking hectic, right, and you know it so why you're bailing on me for?" he inquired with a curious tone than an angry one

"Oh I know, but I've taken care of everything that was on the agenda for today. Tommy and the Shelbys are coming this afternoon so I thought that his meeting would keep you busy 'till the evening, so I figured my presence wouldn't be needed." you quickly explained

"Well yeah, right. How do you know about the Shelbys?"

"It was on your agenda Alfie. Besides, I'm meeting with Arthur and John so they told me." you shyly said their names, afraid of what reaction would rouse from him. You noticed him tense a little and rest his arms on his desk.

"So, you want the day off to fuck around with the Shelbys?" he spat making you blush for the insinuation

"No. I told you, I have some errands to run. They're just going to help me with one of them." you repeated a little flushed

"And what is this errand of yours that I couldn't help you with?" he didn't surrender

"One: your agenda is fully packed so you wouldn't have the time; two: you can't possibly help with it so I didn't bother you." He still wasn't convinced but he heard footsteps approaching so he knew the Shelbys were already here.

"Right, well, if you've taken care of everything I don't see why the hell not. So, c'mon, off you go," he said, at last, returning to his papers and gesturing for you to fuck off.

"Thank you, Alfie, see you tomorrow!" you cheer not wanting to act on his sour mood. You left a caste kiss on his cheek and quickly left before he could say anything. When you opened the door you were met by Tommy's hand that was about to knock on it. Before you could greet him, you heard Arthur and John's voices calling for you.

"Hello, boys! Aw, I've missed you so much, are you ready to go?" you coo hugging them

"Fuck yeah, let's go and leave this shithole," John said making you laugh. And so, with them on your arms, you left the bakery, unaware of Alfie's reaction at the scene.

When the next day you arrived at the bakery, it was pretty early, as usual, so you could get a head start on your chores and the other's too, to check that everything was in place and running smoothly. Generally, you were a morning person but this morning you appeared to be even happier and more glowy than ever. Well, it was Christmas eve after all. You knew that the staff was entirely Jewish and they didn't celebrate it so that's why you had to come in even this morning. However, Alfie was kind enough to give you the day of tomorrow off so you could celebrate Christmas with your family.

Usually, your upbeat mood was contagious and managed to rub off even on Alfie. But when you entered his office, not even your sunny smile could lift his sour mood. Suddenly, you were grateful for the sweets you were carrying in your hands.

"Good morning Mr Scrooge." You jested thinking, hoping, that a joke could get to him. However, his grumpy grunt told you otherwise soon enough.

"I've come bearing sweets, it seems you really need them." You persevered putting the little tray on his desk.

"Why the hell you so bubbly this morning eh? The thing with the Shelbys went so good?" he snarled

"It's Christmas eve Alfie! You can't tell me that you don't feel the magic in the air you grumpy man." you gently teased

"You know that don't mean a fucking thing to me. Why don't you go and bother Arthur or John with it? I'm fucking busy." he snapped making you reach your limit finally. What did he have up his ass to be this rude you anyway? You were hellbent in not making him succeed in souring your mood but he was really pushing you.

"Okay, what's the matter, Alfie? It's the second time you mentioned them. I didn't know they had such an effect on you." You stated fed up with his behaviour. "I could say the same about you," he mumbled now with a quieter voice.

"Wait a minute, are you jealous? Is it what this is all about?" you wondered stunned

"Hell would freeze over before I'd be jealous of a fucking Shelby, pet." he grumpily replied but you saw right through his act.

Scoffing to yourself in amusement you went behind his desk and lightly sat on his lap trying not to hurt his hip too much.

"You big grumpy baby and stupid too if you think I'm romantically involved with Arthur or John." Without waiting for his reply, you pulled a wrapped box from the pocket of your coat and held it in your hands not giving it to him yet, still feeling hesitant about the whole thing.

"I know you don't celebrate Christmas but I do and as it is a time of giving, I wanted to do something nice for you. You're not an easy man to please so I asked Arthur and John to help me." You then explained without meeting his eyes but when you finally handed him the present you looked at him and saw the surprise in his eyes.

"This was the errand I needed to run, so you see why I couldn't ask for your help." You cheekily smiled at him and the look he gave you, the intensity of it, made you blush.

"Right, well, made a fool of myself, didn't I?" he admitted while clearing his voice, " You didn't have to pet, you know right?" Now it was his time to blush.

"I wanted to, out of the same feeling that made you buy me that ridiculously expensive necklace last week."

" You right? Of course, you fucking deserve it, love." "Well then, so do you. Besides, you haven't even opened it, you could even hate for all that we know."

"Hardly think so love, but now yeah? I think I rather show you how much I appreciate you, seeing as it's a time of giving and all, innit?" He whispered sweetly getting closer to your face nudging his nose on yours before kissing you.

[weaselbeaselpants]

That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3

The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore. 

Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.

VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV

((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:

Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))

^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN

also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))

^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -

This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^

VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^

VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV

((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.

WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))

^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.

THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV

^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.

fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^

^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.

Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv

VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV

VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV

((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV

VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think’ I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV

VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV

VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV

VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV

------

I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.

Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.

It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?” 

Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.

Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.

Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.

If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!

ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.

Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.

HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.

People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.

Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.

But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.

TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.

The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.

They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.

I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.

Eat shit.

[johnrossbowie]

LEAVING TWITTER

I wrote this earlier in the fall, before the election, after dissolving my Twitter account. I wasn’t sure where to put it (“try up your ass!” – someone, I’m sure) and then I remembered I have a tumblr I never use. Anyway, here tis.

How do you shame someone who thinks Trumps’ half-baked policies and quarter-baked messaging put him in the pantheon of great Presidents? How do you shame someone so lacking in introspection that they will call Obama arrogant while praising Trump’s decisiveness and yet at the same time vehemently deny that they’re racist? How do you shame someone for whom that racism is endearing and maybe long overdue?

You don’t. It’s silly to think otherwise.

Twitter is an addiction of mine, and true to form, my dependence on it grew more serious after I quit drinking in 2010. At first it was a chance to mouth off, make jokes both stupid and erudite and occasionally stick my foot in my mouth (I owe New Yorker writer Tad Friend an apology. He knows why, or (God willing) he’s forgotten. Either way. Sorry.) I blew off steam, steam that was accumulating without booze to dampen the flames. Not always constructive venting, but I also met new friends, and connected with people whose work I’ve admired for literal decades and ended up seeing plays with Lin-Manuel Miranda and hanging backstage with Jane Wiedlin after a Go-Go’s show and exchanging sober thoughts with Mike Doughty. When my mom passed in 2018, a lot of people reached out to tell me they were thinking of me. This was nice. For a while, Twitter was a huge help when I needed it.

I used to hate going to parties and really hated dancing and mingling, but a couple of drinks would fix that. Point is, for a while, booze was a huge help, too.

But my engagement with Twitter changed, and I started calling people my ‘friends’ even though I’d never once met them or even heard their voices. These weren’t even penpals, these were people whose jokes or stances I enjoyed, so with Arthurian benevolence I clicked on a little heart icon, liked their tweet, and assumed therefore that we had signed some sort of blood oath.

We had not. I got glib, and cheap, and a little lazy. And then to make matters much worse, Trump came along and extended his reach with the medium.

There was a while there where I thought I could be a sort of voice for the voiceless, and I thought I was doing that. I tried very hard to only contribute things that I felt were not being said – It wasn’t accomplishing anything to notice “Haha Trump looks like he’s bullshitting his way through an oral report” – such things were self-evident. I tried to point out very specific inconsistencies in his policies, like the Muslim ban meant to curb terrorism that still favored the country that brought forth 13 of the 9/11 hijackers. Like his full-throated cries against media bias performed while he suckled at Roger Ailes’ wrinkly teat.  Like his fondness for evangelical votes that coincided with a scriptural knowledge that lagged far behind mine, even though I’m a lapsed Episcopalian, and there is no one less religiously observant than a lapsed Episcopalian. But that eventually gave way to unleashing ad hominem attacks against his higher profile supporters, who I felt weren’t being questioned enough, who I felt were in turn being fawned over by theirdim supporters. If you’re one of these guys, and you think I’m talking about you, you’re probably right, but don’t mistake this for an apology. You suck, and you support someone who sucks, and your idolatry is hurting our country and its standing in the world. Fuck you entirely, but that’s not the point. The point is that me screaming into the toilet of Twitter helps no one – it doesn’t help a family stuck at the border because they’re trying to secure a better life for their kids. It doesn’t help a poor teenager who can’t get an abortion because the party of ‘small government’ has squeezed their tiny jurisdiction into her uterus. It doesn’t help the coal miner who’s staking all his hopes on a dying industry and a President’s empty promises to resurrect it. I was born in New York City, and I currently live in Los Angeles. Those are the only two places I’ve ever lived, if you don’t count the 4 years I spent in Ithaca[1]. So, yes, I live in a liberal bubble, and while I’ve driven across the country a couple of times and did a few weeks in a touring band and am as crushed as any heartlander about the demise of Waffle House, you have me dead to rights if you call me a coastal elitist. And with that in mind, I offer few surprises. A guy who grew up in the theater district and was vehemently opposed to same-sex marriage or felt you should own an AR-15? THAT would be newsworthy. I am not newsworthy. I can preach to the choir, I can confirm people’s biases, but I will likely not sway anyone who is eager to dismiss a Native New Yorker who lives in Hollywood. I grew up in the New York of the 1970s, and that part of my identity did shape my politics. My mom’s boss was gay and the Son of Sam posed a realistic threat. As such, gays are job creators[2] and guns are used for homicide much more often than they are used for self-defense[3]. I have found this to be generally true over the years, and there’s even data to back it up.

“But Mr. Bowie,” you might say, though I insist you call me John - “those studies are conducted by elitist institutions and those institutions suck!” And again, I am not going to reason with people who will dismiss anything that doesn’t fit their limited world view as elitist or, God Help Us, fake news. But the studies above are peer-reviewed, convincing, and there are more where those came from.

“But John,” you might say, and I am soothed that we’re one a first name basis - “Can’t you just stay on Twitter for the jokes?” Ugh. A) apparently not and B) the jokes are few and far between, and I am 100% part of that problem.

I have stuff to offer, but Twitter is not the place from which to offer it.

After years of academically understanding that Twitter is not the real world, Super Tuesday 2020 made the abstract pretty fucking concrete. If you had looked at my feed on the Monday beforehand – my feed which is admittedly curated towards the left, but not monolithic (Hi, Rich Lowry!) – you’d have felt that a solid Bernie surge was imminent, but also that your candidate was going surprise her more vocal critics. When the Biden sweep swept, when Bernie was diminished and when Warren was defeated, I realized that Twitter is not only not the real world, it’s almost some sort of Phillip K. Dickian alternate timeline, untethered to anything we’re actually experiencing in our day to day life. This is both good news and bad news – one, we’re not heading towards a utopia of single payer health care and the eradication of American medical debt any time soon, but two, we’re also not being increasingly governed by diaper-clad jungen like Charlie Kirk. Clouds and their linings. Leaving Twitter may look like ceding ground to the assclowns but get this – the ground. Is not. There.

It’s just air.

There are tangible things I can do with my time - volunteer with a local organization called Food On Foot, who provide food and job training for people experiencing homelessness here in my adopted Los Angeles. I can give money to candidates and causes I support, and I can occasionally even drop by social media to boost a project or an issue and then vanish, like a sort of Caucasian Zorro who doesn’t read his mentions. I can also model good behavior for my kids (ages 10 and 13) who don’t need to see their father glued to his phone, arguing about Trumps incompetence with Constitutional scholars who have a misspelled Bible verse in their bio (three s’ in Ecclesiastes, folks).

So farewell Twitter. I’ll miss a lot of you. Perhaps not as badly as I miss Simon Maloy and Roger Ebert and Harris Wittels and others whose deaths created an unfillable void on the platform. But I won’t miss the yelling, and the lionization of poor grammar, and anonymous trolls telling my Jewish friends that they were gonna leave the country “via chimney.” I will not miss people who think Trump is a stable genius calling me a “fucktard.” I will not miss transphobia or cancelling but I will miss hashtag games, particularly my stellar work during #mypunkmusical (Probably should have quit after that surge, I was on fire that night, real blaze of glory stuff I mean, Christ, Sunday in the Park with the Germs? Husker Du I Hear A Waltz? Fiddler on the Roof (keeping an eye out for the cops)? These are Pulitzer contenders.). Twitter makes me feel lousy, even when I’m right, and I’m often right. There’s just no point in barking bumperstickers at each other, and there are people who are speaking truth to power and doing a cleaner job of it – Aaron Rupar, Steven Pasquale, Louise Mensch, Imani Gandy and Ijeoma Oluo to name five solid mostly politically based accounts (Yes, Pasquale is a Broadway tenor. He’s also a tenacious lefty with good points and research and a dreamy voice. You think you’re straight and then you hear him sing anything from Bridges of Madison County and you want him to spoon you.). You’re probably already following those mentioned, but on the off chance you’re not, get to it. You’ll thank me, but you won’t be able to unless you actually have my email.

_______

[1] And Jesus, that’s worse – Ithaca is such a lefty enclave that they had an actual socialist mayor FOR WHOM I VOTED while I was there. And not socialist the way some people think all Democrats are socialist – I mean Ben Nichols actually ran on the socialist ticket and was re-elected twice for a total of six years.

[2] The National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, “America’s LGBT Economy” Jan 20th, 2017

[3] The Violence Policy Institute, Firearm Justifiable Homicides and Non-Fatal Self Defense Gun Use, July 2019.

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 2: 2x21 Patterns of Force

Took a nap after work today!! Perhaps a bad idea.

Anyway, some thoughts on the... awkward Patterns of Force.

Another story about Jim looking for his hero, I see. That never (always) ends badly.

Definitely getting an image of little Spock (teenage Spock? young adult Spock? all little Spocks) reading about Earth history.

Oh no, an armed drone. That does not bode well. Why do Kirk’s heroes always betray him?

A subcutaneous transponder. That seems like a useful device to introduce into the narrative. (Slash remember for future purposes...)

Also it reminds of me “He’s a...a... a transponster!”

Spock in a hat. I guess the Ekosians and/or Zeons don’t have pointed ears, then.

“It’s our old enemy...fascism.”

Well this guy literally was not subtle in his references to Nazi Germany. (I’m referring in universe to what’s-his-face but this also applies to the episode writer.)

“The evidence is clear... someone did interfere.”

“You look quite well for a man who’s been utterly destroyed, Mr. Spock.” This man canNOT stop flirting for one second.

Lol, using Spock to distract the Nazi.

“It’s logical to pretend to be a Nazi? Okay, I’m convinced. You said the magic word.”

“Look! I captured him!” So proud.

Kirk’s face when Spock says he would make a convincing Nazi. Bb, you’re not doing the compliment thing right. (I’ll actually be quite honest... I find the humor in that moment but it also makes me uncomfortable given both these actors are Jewish.)

That said, Kirk is canonically better at blending into undercover scenarios than Spock is. He thinks better on his feet, creatively.

How do these people NOT recognize two whole-ass aliens.

...Maybe they do.

I do like when Kirk is being interrogated and still tries to be charming..

That Nazi really lost a lot of authority after being dressed down by his superior in front of the captives.

I like this Zeon. 

“The flaw in the plan is this locked door.” Thanks Spock. It’s this subtle humor that I think people often miss in him. Like where you can’t tell if it’s intentional or not.

Kirk is so smart!!! He never gets credit for being this smart.

Hmm, taking out the transponders is such a weirdly intimate scene.

The Zeon wants to be included in this adventure so much but they’re obsessed with each other, like “What Zeon?”

“I’ll be your platform, Mr. Spock.”

This is such a weirdly humorous interlude for a story about Nazis. Kind of reminds me in a way of that conversation with the police man on City on the Edge of Forever. I mean that ep was much better but just like the sudden switch in tone.

Spock’s like “Oh, that was cool. Made a laser.”

I heard Kirk say, “You, over there,” as in directing Spock to stand over there, but the subtitles say “Beautiful. Over there.” As in, “we did a beautiful job getting out, now Spock, stand over there.” But combine them...?

Not gonna get a disguise for Spock huh? Just gonna let him be shirtless a little more for no apparent reason.

Poor Zeon. These aliens are inscrutable and not letting him in on anything.

“Alien pistols.”

“Who would win? the entire military force of this planet or two phaser-less space husbands?"

I probably shouldn’t laugh every time Kirk impersonates a Nazi but I do. "Don't mind me... completely believable Nazi here..."

The unsubtle of the Hebrew names. And of course.. .Zeon.

“We’ll be just as bad as the Nazis.” No, actually, you’re not and never will be that’s not how it works. BUT you definitely should help the aliens. Like, that phrase grates because it’s usually used to refer to, like, use of violence, use of “censorship” but here’s it more about turning away people who are different or minority and so then it does make sense but....the connotations.

Spock’s like, “May I... get away from this emotion? Has enough time passed for me to ask that?”

More Nazis! Following them everywhere!

Oh, psych. Not Nazis after all.

Spock’s like “Betraying your own father, you say? I have never thought about that.”

“The Fuhrer... is an alien?” Actual real line AND a correct summation of the situation.

This ep does not paint the Federation in a great light. Although to be fair... John Gill was breaking the rules so.

Documentary corps... I love it. Great disguise. Flash lights in people’s eyes, have an excuse to stay in a group, no on looks at you. Genius.

Spock is honestly so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about EVERYTHING. He cannot be tamed. Again, really an aspect of him I miss in the reboots.

Kirk really is the captain of everyone in his vicinity.

“Think positively, Spock.”

Uhura is unflappable. “A Nazi Colonel’s uniform? Of course, Captain.”

Send him down naked if you have to!! Yes, please, send him down naked.

Spock giving McCoy detailed instructions on how to put on boots... Why was dialogue like this not in the reboots?

McCoy is so polite. Polite first, confused later. “Nice to meet you, Nazi--wait, Nazi???”

I love how McCoy immediately put on his drunk face and Spock was like, "An opportunity to insult McCoy?? Awesome.”

So I assumed the Chairman was either dumb or didn’t recognize them with their shirts on but apparently he was yet another mole, so. At least it’s not a plot hole.

“The speech has no discernible pattern or logic.” Hmmm, I wonder what it feels like to have a leader who speaks with no discernible pattern or logic?

Guys. Pals. Awful people. Did he really give orders, or did he just say random shit? People will flock to anything. I'll be honest, I actually think this is one of the subtler and better parts of this episode: how chilling it is to contemplate how people will rally around any non-speech that has the right tone and a few key words. This is garbage language. But it incites people to kill.

McCoy and his stimulants again.

Spock and his mind probing again.

Wow Spock really messed with his mind there. “He can answer questions but not otherwise speak?” What kind of crazy shit is that?

They are being so mean to Spock. “Malformed ears.” “Low forehead.” That’s not a low forehead, that’s bangs.

Nice triumivirate scene at the end. Feels good, feels organic. Kirk likes to hear his two BFFs bickering because it feels like all is right with the universe, and I agree. Nature is healing.

This episode has a very weird (and very hard to swallow imo) backstory. Like, who primarily associates the Nazis with efficiency? And even if you do, if you think there’s something to the way they put together the country so fast post-WWI, all of this “efficiency” is directly tied to hatred and violence. Like Isak said, the Ekosians have nothing to hold them together BUT hating Zeons. That's at the center of the design. It's not like Gill’s plan backfired it was just... a horrible plan?? It doesn’t even make sense to me that his “effective regime” was co-opted by one hateful person because what was at the center of the “Nazi” regime before the hatred of Zeons? What could it have been? There are no other alternatives provided. Also, even if it could have been somehow accomplished without the use of a scapegoat.. is fascism really an ideal? Like the story never reckoned with that concept at all, which I find disturbing.

Here’s the thing about Gill. He is a certain real type and I appreciate his inclusion up to a point. He’s the Naive, Hubristic Intellectual. He thinks because he’s studied something, academically, he knows more about it even than people who experienced it, and he can fix all of its problems. “I can do this, but better. I am so smart, I am so well-informed, I have no flaws.” I can even see this sort of person being someone a young Kirk would admire because there’s an optimism and idealism to this naivete. I don’t think Kirk is arrogant but he is very idealistic, and when he was a young man, still in the market for heroes, or at least idols or mentors? Yeah, someone with that kind of attitude toward life--that we can deeply understand and then improve upon history--would have appealed to him. It’s possible that Gill even was the “compassionate, gentle” person that Kirk thought, or that he had that side to him.

Where I think the episode erred is in absolving Gill of most of his guilt for this state of affairs. He does die and he does admit he was wrong, but his biggest sin is allegedly in introducing a regime that could be co-opted for evil rather than one that was inherently bad. He is literally drugged (tortured in a way), to emphasize just how non-culpable the narrative thinks he is. Also, while he does apologize for interfering at all, even this is fairly brief and not expanded upon in the rest of the narrative. The truth is he shouldn’t have interfered in general, because that’s not his place or his right, and he shouldn’t have interfered in this way specifically. Even if Malakon hadn’t risen and taken over, the ideal Gil was imposing was one of unthinking uniformity, lack of autonomy, worship of a leader over the rule law--these are not the values of the Federation, the show Star Trek, or me. But he’s used more as a device to explain why the show is so unsubtly Nazi, rather than a real villain or object lesson. Even though Gill is a much better object lesson than Malakon.

And what about Malakon? The ending presents him, literally and in so many words, as the “one evil man” responsible for all of this. I think we know both from studying history and, unfortunately, from our own times, that this is untrue because impossible. One evil person is just a lunatic ranting on the street corner. One evil leader became leader because others agreed and gave him power, or agreed in part, or made a deal with the devil, or disagreed but said nothing, or spoke but were overwhelmed. It’s a disservice to the subject matter to say that dictatorships or authoritarian regimes are that simple. I get that the episode is only 50 minutes and it needs to wrap up, and it’s simpler to say “Okay, killed the Villain, now we can go back to being Not Evil, all the Ekosians will be as happy as the Zeons because we never really wanted this.” But Hitler and his henchmen weren’t the only Nazis. Regular people--and in this context, regular Ekosians--weren’t Nazis too.

Overall, the episode was okay. Very awkward though. Very blunt. I think it would have been better off not using the Nazi symbology so literally. Like the idea that a human would come into a society and purposefully create something from our history is interesting (and “what if Earth but alien?” is certainly something TOS likes doing and finds various ways to do--like the gangsters in A Piece of the Action or Neo-Rome in Bread and Circuses or even literal Greek Gods in Who Mourns for Adonais?) but not worth it given which society was being emulated. It seemed to be too much an excuse to dig out the old WWII movie costumes (and put Jewish actors in Nazi regalia which... is very... distressing) and not so much an excuse for some kind of commentary along the lines of what I said above re: the hubris of historians, the hubris of time. That aspect leaves a bad taste. It had some good ideas but I think, again, it was hindered rather than helped by how literal it insisted (for some reason) on being. Compare it to A Private Little War, which was just about as obvious a Vietnam allegory as you can get, and yet still didn’t literally transport anyone to Vietnam, and this ep looks all the more clunky. I’m probably judging it more harshly than I have on previous viewings, but I really feel like... you can use sci fi to make a commentary on the rise of authoritarianism, but the delicacy of the subject matter requires you to be particularly thoughtful in the way you do it and the actual statements you’re making.

Anyway, the Enterprise Defeats Nazis is a good episode summary at least.

I think in my last attempt at a whole rewatch I stopped at around this point. I seem to have watched the next two episodes, according to Amazon, but I have a weird feeling I only watched one, the next one, By Any Other Name, and then stopped. I don’t remember either of them so we’ll see how that goes! Will they seem familiar or not?

[cramenjoyer]

@gaysuperhell tagged me!! adding a read more cuz its Long

Sibling status (younger, middle, older, only child...) - 

younger middle, but we don't live with the youngest so... youngest child (derogatory)

How long have you been stanning for - 

been stanning for at least a year n a half... idk beyond that. i was in weird main fandom and destiel circles for a while there

Favorite Sam era - 

evil sexy summer with ruby between s3-4, and then s4 is close behind it because he calmed down a little and i think he deserved to remain feral actually!!

Favorite spn season, but if the only criteria was Sam’s hair - 

either all of s2 or the very beginning of s14 with the beard

Favorite Sam-centric episode - 

i know what you did last summer..... hrnng.

Any ships you may like to mention - 

im not a shipper really but samjess is lovely

Favorite song you would/have put in a Sam playlist -

jesus christ by brand new

If you could steal one thing from Sam’s wardrobe, it would be -

carhartt jacket. ofc.

Complete the sentence: If Sam cishet, then WHY.... -

transgender lesbian?

Favorite unhinged Sam moment -

killing paris hilton, the demons in the famine episode ("wait your turn!"), and killing alastair. all are sooooo epic of him.

You must have some intense headcanons you need to talk about, tell me one Sam hc that drives you insane -

jewish convert sam or adhd sam they both make me foam at the mouth.

Tell me something about the hbo Sam that lives in your brain -

[TW DRUGS]

hbo sam buys anti-psychotics off the street and takes two pills when he can afford it with money stolen off men at bars and out of donation boxes. he just wants to be able to sleep for once, and to keep the horrible paranoia away for one night. he wears an oversized jean jacket jess bought him; he'd left it at the party on halloween, and his friend gave it back to him the day after the fire with his condolences. it still smells faintly of jess and it never stops smelling like her- he doesn't think about why that is. hbo sam's eyes are a little too golden to be entirely natural, especially in the light, and he can see in the dark better than anyone should be able to. lights flicker around him when he's angry, and they sizzle and pop when he's excited. the air trembles when he stims. he always looks exhausted, but there's a power inside him that takes people by surprise when he speaks.

Oh no, the writers forgot to give Jess a personality! Now it’s up to you. Tell me, what was Jess like -

ancient studies and religion major! she and brady were friends cuz they were in american history together and he cheated off her once sophomore year and she thought it was rude and she somehow managed to convince him to do study sessions with her. then post-thanksgiving brady introduced her to sam. she and sam were in the same comparitive religion class the next semester and they got coffee together and it went from there. she had a sleeve tattoo that she added more flowers to regularly, whenever she had the cash, and she'd fill in the black outlines with colored sharpies to match her outfit when she went to parties cuz she thought it was fun. she really liked late 1800s literature but especially little women and frankenstein. she was obsessed with greek mythology as a kid and had her gay awakening watching xena: warrior princess with her little brother (he does not know this). she wants to study religion and ancient studies because she's lowkey highkey obsessed with humanity as a concept and she loves the idea of people thousands of years ago thinking the same things and feeling the same way we do now. whenever she thinks about the handprints in caves all across the world she bursts into tears. she's a compulsive fingernail biter so she always paints her nails funky colors to stop from doing it, which doesn't ever work but she's trying. it took her years to grow out her hair this long, since her family always insisted she keep it short as a kid when she played soccer, and she loves it now that she can actually do things with it! she loves braiding sam's hair for him.her favorite flowers are daisies and her favorite color is light blue and she's the one who cut sam's college girl bangs in a dorm bathroom. she's jewish and she invites sam to her house for holidays because her family only lives an hour outside palo alto, and he's mesmerized by all of it; her favorite holiday's purim and it becomes his favorite holiday, too. her family isn't homophobic but they're the kind of democrats who keep quiet about things, and she knows they'd still love her if she came out as a lesbian, but she doesn't know if she'd be able to handle them looking at her strange. so she and sam keep it to themselves that he only uses he/him because he's used to it, and that he's as much a guy as she is.Biggest injustice Supernatural commited against Sam (be as brief or as ranty as you desire) - religious arc and spn being christian in general. i can't imagine sam being christian i just cannot do it even though it's fun to play with. sam IS an excatholic jewish convert and no one can tell me otherwise unless they have muslim hc's because @toxicsamruby got me hooked this morning.And finally, just say something about him that makes you smile ♥ - his dimples!! his BIIIIG smile with the dimples when he's so genuinely happy and carefree like in the scene with bobby where he's leaning against the impala w a beer. no i don't remember anything else about the scene i was entranced! he looked like this :D

i’m tagging @sammysstupidshirts @boykingofhells @samuelswinchester @quakersamwinchester @toxicsamruby and @samaelwinchester !!!

[transthaumaturge]

trans asks: 3, 19, 40

and bonus chosen without looking at the question: 27

--- Sorry I was a few days late to answer this, @foxoftheasterisk! I just re-reblogged the ask game as of the middle of the day on 12/24 so that it’s easier to see what I’m responding to. Responses under the cut so that this doesn’t dominate anybody’s dashboard.

Ask 3: Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? I’d say probably more social dysphoria. I have enough bottom dysphoria that I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror while I’m in the bathroom, but the biggest source of trans-related discomfort for me is not knowing whether I look or sound feminine to other people when I’m interacting with them in public. I’ve learned two important things from having a lot of social dysphoria: 1) You probably notice the nuances of your voice and appearance much more than any random person you’ll meet on the street--especially when it comes to cis people. I spend a lot of time thinking that my voice doesn’t sound natural, or that my face isn’t “feminine enough” (whatever that means), but people notice a lot less in general than I think they will. If you’re trying to pass, whatever that entails, you’re already doing a great job ^_^* 2) Passing is a shit metric for trans people to be judged on, and a shit metric for us to judge ourselves on. I’m just as much a lady now as when I had a full beard shadow two years ago, and I’m much happier with my no-makeup appearance nowadays than I was when I tried to dress hyperfeminine every day in my first year as myself. Give yourself a break. I still get anxious over my voice and appearance, but I don’t let it convince myself that I’m “failing at being a woman” anymore. I am a woman. If some rando on the street thinks otherwise, it’s their right to have terrible opinions. Ask 19: Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth? I’m fully out in my day-to-day life, and that includes in my job as a high-school science teacher where I have a trans pride flag on my desk and co-advise the school GSA as an “LGBTeacher”. I like being visibly trans, especially to the kids that I work with, because it makes me a “possibility model.” It shows trans kids that they’re safe being themselves around me, and that there’s a real possibility that they’ll grow up happy as their true selves. But would I ever go stealth? I suppose I would if I felt like it was a matter of safety, and I’ve done so in the past for that reason. In the summer that I was interviewing for teaching jobs back in 2018, I had been out to myself as trans for several months but made the choice to pretend to be a cis man for all of those interviews and also for a full year into my teaching career. I knew that if I came to my interviews in a dress, I stood less of a chance of being hired and couldn’t afford to be jobless. And I knew that if I presented as a woman in my first year of teaching, it might introduce an element of danger into my life that I didn’t need while I was still working on coming out to those around me and building a support network. I took a calculated risk to go from being stealth to being out in my daily life because after a while, it was just too painful to not be my authentic self. But that took a lot of work. I spent a lot of time working with the local teacher’s union to make sure that I had someone to protect me when coming out to the district and school administration. And in my personal life, I waited until I had my own health insurance, my own car, and a handful of other things before I came out to the dad who threatened to take all of these things away from me if I wore women’s clothes in public again. If anybody reading this is trying to make that same decision of “when to go full-time”, I would strongly suggest that you do what you can to make sure that you have resources available to you if the worst happens afterward. You may not be as lucky as I was with the timing of my coming-out, but make sure that you have something to steady yourself with. A place to go if things get ugly at home, some money or possessions stashed away where the people who want to control you can’t get to them. At the same time, don’t let family manipulate you into waiting and making yourself miserable for years and years because “it’s just not safe right now”. My dad tried to do that once he realized he had nothing on me anymore, and I saw it for what it was. Nowadays, if I went stealth, it would be to pretend to be a cis woman rather than a cis man. I think that I could do that, but only if I was in an interaction where people knowing I was trans would put me in danger. It would particularly suck because I wear a kippah wherever I go, but I would even take that off if I needed to. I’m not so self-sure that I don’t realize there are places in my own country, some not too far from me, where there are people who want me dead. My goal is to make sure that I never end up in those places if I can help it, and if I do, to fake it until I make it. Ask 40: How did/do you manage waiting to transition? In this respect, I was luckier than most because I slowly came out to myself over the five years that I was in college and away from my parents, and wasn’t fully out to myself until I was 23 and about to get a job that I could use to support myself. I know that it’s not that easy for a lot of people, especially because my relative privilege helped me to get into a stable, independent living situation after school. But even with all of that, I still spent an entire year pretending to be a man while I taught my first year of high school science and waited to complete my full social transition. It was really hard. On the days that I wore a button-down shirt and dress pants to school, I felt trapped; on the days that I wore a school t-shirt and loose jeans, I felt like I was falling apart. Using my “guy voice” made me flinch almost constantly, because it didn’t feel like mine. I had to constantly remind myself that I was a woman, and that I would get through this. It’s difficult, when everyone around you is using your deadname and misgendering you. Here are the three things that helped me the most: 1) I built a support network for myself in my personal life. When I was looking for a house to move into, I made sure that my housemates were okay with me being trans and that they wouldn’t be uncomfortable with me being myself at home. Coming out to strangers like that was difficult, but I couldn’t bear another year of only being myself when I was in a locked bedroom. I was also lucky enough to have a queer community center in my town where I attended weekly trans support group meetings, which gave me a way to dress authentically and be seen and affirmed. I’m not lying when I say that I looked forward to those support meetings every second that I wasn’t in them. If you’re in a pre-coming-out situation and don’t have a physical queer community space right now (or that space is closed because of quarantine), online spaces are also amazing places to seek out affirmation and be seen. Discord, Reddit...just make sure that any Facebook groups you join aren’t marked public or everyone you’re friends with will be able to see your posts and comments from that group on their feeds. I learned that the hard way, thankfully long after I came out. Many queer community centers, if you live relatively close to them, are also doing weekly online support meetings right now to try and keep those affirming spaces alive during covid. 2) I started saying daily self-affirmations. Mine went “My name is Rachel Tikvah [Lastname], and I am a woman. I am a sister, I am a daughter, and I am enough.” I set phone alarms to say it in the morning before work, in the afternoon after work, and I also whispered it under my breath anytime that I felt like I just couldn’t take pretending any longer. Not only did it help me in the moment, it helped me to get used to my new name while my deadname was still being regularly used. If the above affirmation doesn’t feel like it would work for you, I have no doubt that there are plenty of trans self-affirmations that you can look up online and choose from. 3) I focused on the approaching milestones. I got through my first autumn by building my wardrobe and picking out my new first and middle names. By then, I had decided that I would start hormones on my birthday in February and counted down the days until then. Starting hormones brought a bunch of early transition milestones with them that I could focus on, and I worked out a deal with school administration that I would come out over the summer and start my second school year as a woman. That gave me an ultimate goal to work towards. Every step I took, every accomplishment I made, brought me closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. Knowing that kept me strong, and it kept me hopeful for the day when I would never have to worry about pretending to be a man ever again. If you’re currently in a dark place and not sure when you’ll be able to transition medically or socially, figure out what those milestones are for you and focus on what steps and amount of time it will take before they’ll come true. If you don’t have any milestones to look forward to, try to create some for yourself. Order some trans gear to start wearing if you have a safe way to do so! Work towards choosing a new name for yourself if you want a new one! Celebrate the anniversary of coming out to yourself with your friends each year! Whatever you can think of, put it on your mental calendar and look forward to it while you wait. Bonus Ask 27: What do you do to validate yourself? The self-affirmations that I mentioned in ask 40 really helped, and I still say them almost daily now that I’m out. They’re especially helpful when I’m feeling particularly dysphoric. As someone who is also very proud of my Jewish identity, I also say the blessing “thank you god for creating me as a woman” when I take my hormones or when looking at my body makes me smile. Those are beautiful moments that I thought for the longest time would never happen, and I want to sanctify every one of them. The Hebrew for this modified blessing can be found on this blog post: https://velveteenrabbi.blogs.com/blog/2012/03/on-bodies-blood-and-blessings.html Apart from that, one of my big refuges is clothing. I have a wardrobe full of cute clothes (there’s something beautiful about coming out of the closet and then filling it with dresses) that I’ll wear if I need to feel extra-feminine or sure of myself. I’ll put on makeup before going outside, and if I need it, I’ll take a picture of myself and post it to one of the queer discord servers I’m part of with a request for positive affirmations about my femininity. Knowing that I’m being seen by people that I care about and that they think I’m beautiful always means a lot and helps me feel better if I’m having trouble chasing the dysphoria away on my own. Between positive self-affirmations and being seen and cheered on by friends, I’m usually able to make myself feel better if I need that extra boost of validation. I should also mention that while it doesn’t come up a lot now that I’m not being regularly deadnamed, I used to ask friends to use my chosen name more in conversation than they would otherwise. Hearing it more chased away the intrusive thoughts, most of which at the time were my brain saying my deadname to me whenever there was a moment of silence. My brain was quieter when my friends were using my real name regularly. Okay, I hope that that gave you a little bit more insight into me and my transition! I am living proof that trans people can come out to themselves in adulthood and turn out alright. Gender is a galaxy, and I’ve remade myself out of the stardust. I hope that any trans people reading this have been/are able to transition safely as well. You’re all amazing, and you deserve happiness.

[angelsandacceptance]

Heaven and Hell

“Excuse me?” Chase demands, breaking through the silence. 

“You want Anna? Why?” Sam asks. 

“Out of the way,” Uriel commands, taking a step forward. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I know she's wiretapping your angel chats or whatever, but it's no reason to gank her.”

“Don’t worry,” Uriel smiles cruelly. “I’ll kill her gently.”

“Like hell you will!” Chase says. 

“You’re some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?” Dean asks. 

“As a matter of fact, we are. And?” Cas says.

Chase frowns at him, brows creasing in disappointment. “What?” She whispers softly.

“And? Anna's an innocent girl,” Sam states. 

“She is far from innocent,” Cas says.  

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means she's worse than this abomination you've been screwing. Now give us the girl.”

“Uriel, you absolute motherfucker, I am so close to-”

“Chase, enough!” Castiel says. Chase doesn’t respond, just choosing to glare at him. Cas shifts uncomfortably and looks away.

“Give her to us,” Uriel repeats.

“Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate,” Dean says.

“What’s JDate?” Harley asks.

“A Jewish dating site,” Dean responds. 

“Huh,” Harley hums, before turning serious again. 

“Who's gonna stop us? You three?” Uriel questions. “How about the halfbreed? Or this demon whore?”

Uriel throws Ruby against the wall, punctuating his statement. Dean, alongside Harley, goes to attack him as Cas approaches Sam and Chase. 

“Cas, please,” Chase says. Cas places three fingers on Sam’s forehead, making him collapse to the floor. 

Just as Cas is about to touch Chase’s forehead, her hair falling into her face, as she stands shaking her head, a bright white light fills the room. 

The three conscious hunters and Ruby squint their eyes, before slowly opening them to see Uriel and Cas gone. 

Chase helps Sam to his feet, and they all hear Dean in the backroom. 

“Anna! Anna!” he shouts. 

They all rush to the door of the backroom to see Anna, arms bloodied, with a drawn symbol on the mirror behind her. She looks at them with wide eyes, pale face displaying fear. 

“Are they- are they gone?”

“Did you kill them?” Chase asks, fear evident in her voice.

“No, I sent them away. Far away.”

Chase sighs in relief. 

“You want to tell us how?” Harley asks, intrigued. She sends a smirk to Chase, who shakes her head, mouthing, ‘Not now’. 

Anna gestures to the symbol. “That just popped in my head. I don’t know how I did it. I just...did it.”

Harley snaps a picture of the symbol on her phone so they can memorise it later.

***

The  four hunters stand away from Ruby and Anna discussing what to do next. 

“So, what do we think?” Dean asks.

“I think Anna's getting more interesting by the second,” Sam says.

“Yeah, I agree. And what did they mean by ‘she's not innocent’?”

“What was that spell too? I mean that’s some serious shit,” Harley says.

“Something's going on with her. See what you can find out,” Dean says.

“What’re you gonna do?” Chase asks.

“Anna may have sent the angels to the outfield, but, sooner or later, they're gonna be back. We got to get ourselves safe now.”

“Bobby’s,” Harley and Chase chorus.

“And Ruby’s riding with us.” Harley says sternly.

***

Chase, Harley, Dean, and Anna sit in Bobby’s panic room with Ruby standing in the doorway.

“Iron walls drenched in salt. Demons can't even touch the joint.” Dean says.

“Which I find racist, by the way.” Ruby mentions.

“Write your congressman.”

“Pretty sure you mean speciesist.”

“Harley,” Chase starts. “You totally just made that up.”

“I didn’t! It is a word.”

“If you insist.”

“It is! Look it up.”

“Sure.”

“I give up.”

Ruby rolls her eyes, throwing them all hex bags.

“Hex bags?” Dean questions.

“Extra-crunchy. They'll hide us from angels, demons, all comers,” Ruby replies.

“Thanks, Ruby,” Dean says quietly before turning to Anna, “Don't lose that. So, Anna, what's playing on angel radio? Anything useful?” 

“It's quiet. Dead silence,” Anna answers.

“That’s totally not worrying at all,” Harley says sarcastically.

“I don’t even know what the word worry means,” Chase adds.

“We're in trouble, huh? You guys are scared?” Anna asks.

“Psht, scared?” Chase comments.

“What’s scared?” Harley asks.

“Hey, guys!” They heard Sam yell from the other room.

“Just stay here, okay?” Dean says to Anna before addressing Ruby, “Keep an eye on her.”

***

“How’s the car?” Dean asks Sam. 

“I got her. She’s fine. Where’s Bobby?”

“Uh, Dominican,” Chase answers. “He said if we break anything, we buy it.”

“He’s working a job?” Sam assumes. 

“God, I sure hope so,” Dean says. “Otherwise, he's at hedonism in a banana hammock and a trucker cap.”

“And now that’s seared into my  brain,” Harley sighs. 

“All right. What did you find about Anna?” Chase asks.

Sam shrugs. “Nothing much. Her parents were, uh, Rich and Amy Milton -- a church deacon and a housewife.”

“Riveting,” Dean interrupts. 

Chase silences him with a look. 

“Yeah. But there is something here in the report. Turns out this latest psych episode wasn't her first.”

Chase tilts her head. “It’s not?”

“When she was 2 1/2, she'd get hysterical any time her dad got close. She was convinced that he wasn't her real daddy.”

“Who was?” Dean asks. “The plumber, hmm? A little snaking the pipes?”

“Dude, you’re confusing reality with porn again,” Sam says. Both Harley and Chase have to stifle laughter. Sam continues, “Look, Anna didn't say. She just kept repeating that this real father of hers was mad. Very mad -- like wanted-to-kill-her mad.”

“That’s a little heavy for a two year old,” Harley says.

“Well, she saw a kid's shrink, got better, and grew up normal.”

“Until now,” Harley adds.

“So what’s she hiding?” Dean asks.

“Why don’t you just ask me to my face?” Anna asks from behind the group. They all jump and turn to see Anna appearing from a doorway, Ruby watching from behind her in amusement. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be watching her?” Chase asks.

“I am watching her.”

“Touche.”

“Anna’s right. Is there anything you want to tell us?” Sam asks Anna. 

Anna shakes her head. “About what?”

“The angels said you were guilty of something. Why would they say that?”

“You tell me,” Anna demands. “You tell me why my life has been leveled,” she pauses, emotion bubbling up in her voice. She forces it down. “Why my parents are dead. I don’t know. I swear, I would give anything to know.”

“Okay, so let’s find out,” Chase says, a thoughtful, serious look on her face.

“How?” Dean and Harley chorus, glancing at Chase.

Chase smiles at them knowingly.

***

“We’re here,” Chase announces, entering the room. A familiar figure walks in after her. Chase goes to stand behind Sam and Dean, closest to Harley.

“Pamela!” Sam says in surprise.

“Sam?” Pamela asks, feigning confusion.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Sam?” Pamela asks once more, a hand out, moving forward tentatively. “Is that you?”

“I’m right here.”

Sam approaches Pamela and goes to give her a hug. “Oh,” she says. “You wanna know how I knew it was you?” Sam pulls back from the hug, slightly confused. Pamela grabs a handful of his ass, causing him to jump slightly. “That perky little ass of yours. You could bounce a nickel off that thing.” 

“Of course I know it's you, grumpy. I know the other three Winchesters are behind you. Same way I know that's a demon, and that poor girl's Anna and that you've been eyeing my rack.”

“I’m not a Winchester,” Harley says.

“Yet,” coughs Chase from beside her. Harley seems to be the only one to hear, leading her to nudge Chase in the ribcage; hard.

Pamela shrugs. “You might as well be.”

“Uh, uh,” Sam stutters, looking up and away from Pamela’s chest, a pink tinge on his cheeks from embarrassment. 

“Don't sweat it, kiddo. I still got more senses than most.”

“Got it,” Sam nods. 

“Hey, Anna. How are you? I'm Pamela.”

Anna looks at the others, confused, before looking back at Pamela. “Hi.”

“Chase told me what's been going on. I'm excited to help,” Pamela says with a smile. 

“Oh, that’s nice of you.”

“Not really. Any chance I can dick over an angel, I’m taking it.”

“Why?” Anna asks hesitantly. 

“They stole something from me,” Pamela responds eerily. She takes off her sunglasses, revealing white eyes. Pamela smiles as though sensing Anna’s sudden shock of fear. “Demon-y, I know. But they're just plastic. Good for business. Makes me look extra-psychic, don't you think?  Now...how about you tell me what your deal is? Hmm? Don't you worry.”

Pamela begins to explain the process of what she’ll be doing to Anna to her and the group. “Nice and relaxed. Now, I'm going to count down from five to zero. When we're at zero, you'll be in a deep state of hypnosis. As I count down, just go deeper and deeper, okay? 5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Deep sleep. Deep sleep. Every muscle calm and relaxed. Can you hear me?”

“I can hear you,” Anna responds calmly. Her eyes are shut and she seems more at peace than she has since the Winchesters, plus Harley and Ruby, had found her. 

“Now, Anna, tell me... How can you hear the angels? How did you work that spell?”

“I don't know. I just did.”

“Your father... What's his name?”

“Rich Milton.”

“All right. But I want you to look further back... When you were very young... Just a couple of years old.”

“I don't want to.”

“It'll be okay. Anna, just one look - that's all we need.”

“No.”

“What's your dad's name? Your real dad. Why is he angry at you?”

“No. No! No,” Anna screams, “No!”

“Calm down.”

Anna screams again, “He's gonna kill me!”

“Anna, you're safe.”

“No!” She screams. The lights burst and glass explodes everywhere.

“Calm down.”

Again she screamed, “He’s gonna kill me!”

“It's all right, Anna.”

“Anna?” Dean calls out, walking toward her.

“Dean, don’t.” Pamela says just before he gets thrown across the room. “Wake in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Anna... Anna? You all right?”

“Thank you, Pamela. That helps a lot. I remember now.” Anna’s entire demeanor has changed. While before, she seemed timid, confused, and shy, yet sweet as honey and fiery too, she now is stoic. Her face stays blank as she peers at Pamela, no emotion on her face or in her eyes. Her voice doesn’t waver.

“Remember what?” Chase asks.

“Who I am.” 

Chase raises a brow. “Well, ain’t that vague.”

“And you are?” Harley prods.

“I’m an angel. Don't be afraid, I'm not like the others.” Anna says, trying to reassure the hunters, psychic, and demon. It must be extremely easy to sense that many people immediately going on guard, a couple of hands reaching for weapons just in case.

“I don't find that very reassuring,” Ruby discloses.

“Neither do I,” Pamela agrees.

“So...Castiel, Uriel - they're the ones that came for me?” Anna asks.

“You know them?” Sam inquires.

“We were kind of in the same foxhole,” Anna says mildly.

“So, what? They were like your bosses or something?” Chase asks. 

“Try the other way around.”

“Look at you,” Dean says combatively. 

“So now they want to kill you?” Harley asks, hoping for some clarification. 

“Orders are orders. I'm sure I have a death sentence on my head,” Anna responds smoothly, as though the thought was equal to saying she was sure the sky was blue.

“Why?” Pamela asks, suspicious. 

“I disobeyed... which, for us, is about the worst thing you can do. I fell.”

“Meaning?” Dean asks. 

“She fell to earth, became human,” Chase says. 

“Wait a minute. I don't understand. So, angels can just become human?” Sam asks.

“It kind of hurts. Try cutting your kidney out with a butter knife. That kind of hurt. I ripped out my grace.”

“Come again?” Dean asks.

“My grace. It's... energy. Hacked it out and fell. My mother, Amy, couldn't get pregnant. Always called me her little miracle. She had no idea how right she was.”

“So, you just forgot that you were God's little Power Ranger?” Dean asks jokingly.

“The older I got, the longer I was human, yeah.”

“I don't think you all appreciate how completely screwed we are,” Ruby chimes in.

Anna nods to her. “Ruby’s right. Heaven wants me dead.”

“And Hell just wants her. A flesh-and-blood angel that you can question, torture, that bleeds. Sister, you're the Stanley Cup. And sooner or later, Heaven or Hell, they're gonna find you.”

“I know,” Anna responds. “That’s why I’m going to get it back.”

“Get what back?”

“My grace.”

“You can do that?” Dean asks. 

“If I can find it.”

“So, what, you're just gonna take some divine bong hit, and, shazam, you're Roma Downey?” Dean asks. 

“Something like that,” Anna responds, meeting Dean’s eyes. She doesn’t seem amused by all his jokes and side comments. 

“Where might it be?” Chase asks. “If we can get it back, that’s the best option we got.”

“Lost track. I was falling about 10,000 miles per hour at the time.”

“Wait, you mean falling literally,” Harley realizes. “Lovely.”

“Like the way a human eye can see? Like a comet, maybe, or a meteor?” Sam asks suddenly. 

“Why do you ask?” Anna asks.

***

Harley, Chase, Sam and Ruby find themselves to be surrounded by old books and magazines. Dean just left to drop Pamela off at home, while Anna is doing who knows what. She’d claimed she wanted alone time, so they let her be. 

Sam’s flipping through the pages of one, before he finally lands on one. “Here. In march '85, a meteorite vanished in the night sky over northwestern Ohio. It was sighted nine months before Anna was born, and she was born in that part of Ohio.”

Ruby looks Sam up and down, “You're pretty buff for a nerd.” Chase rolls her eyes at Ruby’s comment.

“Look, I think it was Anna and here, same time - another meteor over Kentucky.” Sam says ignoring Ruby.

“And that’s her grace?”

“Might be.”

“All right. That just narrows it down to an entire state.”

“At least it narrows it down,” Chase sighs.

Ruby rolls her eyes, “Sam...I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Sam asks.

“For bringing you this mess. If I had known, I would have kept my trap shut.”

“Yeah, well, we'll muddle through.”

“Not this time. You do not want to get between these two armies. It's Godzilla and Mothra. If one side doesn't get us, the other one will.”

“So, what do you want to do? Dump Anna and run? Forget it. Look, I know the angels freak you out.”

“Forget the angels. It's Alastair I'm scared of.”

“Then vamoose your caboose and let us handle it,” Harley points out, earning an eye roll to match her best friend’s.

“Alastair?” Sam questions.

“You met him in the church. Practically the grand inquisitor downstairs. Picasso with a razor,” Ruby answers.

“And?” Harley asks.

“And he should pull him out and throw him back in the pit... if he weren't so out of shape.”

“Ruby…” Sam says, it’s almost a plea.

“No, your abilities - you're getting flabby.”

“Yeah, so how do I tone up?”

“You know how. You know what you got to do.”

“No, I'm not doing that anymore.”

“Sam…”

“I said no.”

“Well, then you better pray that Anna gets her groove back, or we're all dead.”

***

Sam leads Dean and Anna to the table Harley and Chase occupy. Sam is pointing at a newspaper article from several years before. 

“Union, Kentucky. Found some accounts of a local miracle.”

“Yeah?” Dean asks, interested.

“What kind of miracle?” Chase asks. 

“I’m assuming the miracle kind,” Harley notes.

“Yeah. In '85, there was an empty field outside of town. Six months later, there was a full-grown oak. They say it looks a century old at least,” Sam says, animatedly explaining what he’d read.

“Anna, what do you think?” Dean asks, turning to the red haired girl.

“The grace. Where it hit, it could have done something like that, easy.”

“So grace ground zero -- it's not destruction. It's…” Dean trails off.

“Pure creation,” Anna confirms. 

***

“So,” Chase breaks the silence as they drive along the dark road. “How long do you think before Ruby says something she isn’t supposed to?”

“I don’t even want to think about it,” Harley sighs.

“What would be worse though?  Dean finding out you have a crush on him or me having a crush on Cas?” Chase blanks, freezing. 

“Oh my God,” Harley says.

“No-no that isn’t what I meant and you know it! Shut up, shut up right now!”

“I can’t believe you just admitted it!”

“No, that isn’t what I meant. I meant it like, it would be bad if Dean thinks I have a crush on him and like “finds out” I do,” Chase tries to defend, putting air quotes around the words ‘finds out’. “Not that I actually have a crush on Cas, because I don’t. You know?”

“Sure you don’t.”

“I don’t!”

Harley simply hums as they continue behind the Impala, the darkness around them growing thicker as they head to Kentucky, a short twelve hour drive. 

***

“It’s beautiful,” Dean and Chase chorus, staring at the wondrous oak tree, gigantic in size.

“It’s where the grace touched down. I can feel it,” Anna says. 

Chase shivers, immediately knowing what Anna’s referring to. The power resonating from the area is dull, probably from how many years it lay dormant, but still there nonetheless. It felt surreal. 

“You ready to do this?” Harley asks.

Anna smiles slightly, shaking her head. “Not really.”

They all approach the tree, looking around for a sign of what and where the grace might be. 

“What are we looking for?” Sam says after a few moments. 

Anna, placing a hand on the tree, frowns. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?” Chase asks, mimicking Anna, as though she could tell what was going through her head. 

Anna makes eye contact with them, slowly sweeping her gaze from one to the other, before landing on Chase, whose question still lays unanswered in the still air. “Because it’s no longer here.”

***

“We still got the hex bags. I say we head back to the panic room,” Dean says hurriedly.

“What, forever?” Ruby demands. 

“I’m just thinking out loud here!”

“Oh, you call that thinking?”

“Ruby, can it!” Chase snaps. 

“Oh, whatever you say, angel-lover.”

“At least I know to stay away from trash!”

“Chase, cool it,” Harley says, not bothering to hide the smile on her face.

“No! No, go on! Got anything else to say?” Ruby asks, approaching Chase. Sam grabs Ruby by the arm as Dean puts himself in front of Chase. Harley just watches in amusement. 

“Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Stop it,” Sam says.

“Anna's grace is gone. You understand? She can't angel up. She can't protect us. We can't fight Heaven and Hell. One side maybe, but not both. Not at once. And your favorite angel is fighting against us as much as everyone else is, so get over it.”

“Um, guys?” Anna interrupts softly. “The angels are talking again.”

“What are they saying?” Sam asks.

“It's weird... Like a recording... a loop. It says, "Dean Winchester gives us Anna by midnight, or..."

“Or what?” Dean demands.

Anna looks up, discomfort plainly displaying itself. “Or we hurl him back into damnation.”

“Who is it?” Chase asks suddenly.

“What?” Anna asks, tilting her head. 

“Who is it? Saying that. Who the hell is threatening my family?”

Anna stays silent for a moment. “Chase,” she begins.

“Tell me.”

“It’s Castiel’s voice.”

Chase takes a step back, betrayal, then anger crossing over her features. “I am going to kill that feathery, flighty, stupid, son of a bitch.” Her voice is slow and controlled - Murderous. Harley puts a comforting hand on Chase’s shoulder, but Chase shrugs her off. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. We knew they would stoop low to get Anna back.”

Sam’s eyes light up. “Chase, you’re brilliant!”

“I am. What’s your point?”

“Anna.. Do you know of any weapon that works on an angel? To what? To kill them?”

Anna sighs. “Nothing we could get to. Not right now.”

“Okay, wait, wait. I say we call Bobby. We get him back from hedonism.”

“Dean, what's he gonna tell us that we don't already know?” Sam asks.

“I don’t know,” Dean cries out. “But we’ve got to think of something!”

***

“Don't talk like that,” Dean says softly. Chase slows her footsteps. She’d been following Anna out to ask if she was okay, but “accidentally” overheard part of their conversation. She on purpose stays to hear the rest.

“I disobeyed. Lucifer disobeyed. It's our murder one, and I knew it. Maybe I got to pay.”

“Yeah, well, we've all done things we got to pay for.”

“I got to tell you something. You're not gonna like it,” Anna says. 

A pause ensues. Chase curses herself for being short, because now she is awkwardly hiding behind a car, and now can’t see what is happening. “Okay,” Dean says slowly. “What?”

“About a week ago, I heard the angels talking... About you... What you did in Hell. Dean, I know. It wasn't your fault. You should forgive yourself.”

Chase frowns. ‘Excuse me?’ 

“Anna, I don't w-want to, uh... I don't want to... I can't talk about that.” Dean’s voice is flighty, causing Chase to frown deeper. 

“I know. But when you can, you have people that want to help. You are not alone. That's all I'm trying to say.”

Another pause, longer than the previous one interrupts their conversation. “What was that for?” Dean finally asks. 

‘Did Anna just kiss Dean?!’

“You know. Our last night on earth. All of that.”

“You’re stealing my best line,” Dean says jokingly. “But…”

“But?”

A short pause. Again, Chase curses her inconvenient hiding spot. 

“Ah,” Anna continues. “I see.”

‘See what?’ Chase asks herself. ‘I can’t see anything!’

“Yeah,” Dean says awkwardly. “But not how you think.”

“You can’t keep running from everything, Dean.”

“I can sure as Hell try,” Dean says. He’s obviously intending for it to come across as a joke, but Chase can hear the underlying seriousness. 

“She’s lucky.”

‘She?’

Dean laughs. “Not likely.”

“Give yourself more credit than that. I’m sure you’re not as alone in your intentions as you believe.”

‘Intentions? Like what? Who the hell are they talking about?’

“She could never feel the same.”

‘OH MY GOD,’ Chase thinks to herself, trying to keep from squealing. A hand is clapped over her mouth tightly, as she frantically puts the pieces together. ‘They’re talking about Harley!!! I fucking knew it!’

“Don’t be so sure,” Anna says knowingly.

“We should get inside,” Dean says. “It’s a bit cold out here.”

Chase balks, before rushing up towards the house again. 

“Did you hear something?” Anna asks. 

Dean’s voice fades to nothing as Chase closes the door. “Probably just an animal.”

Chase grins widely to herself, before rushing off to relay the events to Harley. 

***

“I don't know, man. Where's Ruby?” Sam asks. Chase and Harley shrug. 

“Hey, she's your Hell buddy,” Dean says, taking a long drink from his flask. 

“Little early for that, isn't it?” Anna asks him. Dean gives her a lopsided smile. 

“It’s 2 a.m. somewhere.”

“You okay?” Anna asks, eyebrows furrowing together. 

“Yeah, of course.”

The doors rattle, distracting everyone, before they burst open. Castiel and Uriel enter. Chase subconsciously steps in front of Dean, glaring harshly at Castiel. 

“Hello, Anna. It's good to see you,” Castiel says, inclining his head towards her. 

“Bullshit,” Chase says, “Why are you here?”

Castiel glances at Chase with confusion in his eyes, before ignoring her, which just seems to rub salt into an unknown wound. 

“How? How did you find us?” Cas and Uriel glance at Dean. Sam and everyone else looks to him in shock. “Dean?”

“I'm sorry,” Dean says to Anna. 

“Why?” Harley asks.

“Because they gave him a choice. They either kill me... or kill all of you. I know how their minds work.”

Anna gives Dean a tight hug, pecking him on the cheek. “You did the best you could. I forgive you. Okay. No more tricks. No more running. I'm ready.”

Harley stiffens at Anna’s actions, but Chase just sends her a knowing smile, which confuses her enough to distract her. 

“I’m sorry,” Castiel says.

“No, you’re really not,” Anna replies. “You don’t know the feeling.”

“Still, we have a history. It’s just-”

“I get it. Orders are orders.” Anna sighs. “I know. Just make it quick.”

Suddenly, the barn gets colder. Alastair, Ruby, and another demon appear in the barn. Ruby is covered in blood, causing everyone to look at her in shock, some looking at her with concern.

“How dare you come in this room... you pussing sore?” Uriel asks, spitting the words to Alastair. 

“That is literally the first fucking thing that you’ve said that I don’t find absolutely vile. Good job. Progress,” Chase says. 

“Shut up, you repulsive-”

“Aaand, you’re back to square one,” Chase tsks. 

“Turn around and walk away now,” Castiel says to Alastair and his demon cronies.

“Think I’ll take my chances,” Alastair replies.

The angels and demons begin fighting, Castiel trying to exorcise Alastair. Harley wondered why he wasn’t trying to smite him. 

“Sorry, kiddo. Why don't you go run to daddy?” Alastair taunts as one of his cronies collapses because Uriel exorcises him. “Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferna, me confirma!” 

Dean hits Alastair on the back of the head with a crowbar. 

Alastair turns to Dean, “Dean, Dean, Dean... I am so disappointed. You had such promise.” He goes to attack the four hunters.

While Uriel was dealing with the other cronie Anna steals his necklace and smashes it on the ground. A glowing white light escapes and flows into Anna’s mouth.

“Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes! Shut your eyes!” Anna yells. The Winchesters and Co. do as she says, opening them after a flash of light dissipates. Alastair was gone leaving the knife. Anna poofed away, finally having gotten her grace back.

“Well, what are you guys waiting for? Go get Anna. Unless, of course, you're scared,” Dean taunts.

“This isn't over,” Uriel says almost threateningly.

“Oh, is it? Because you don’t seem to have any more moves to make,” Harley points out.

“Silence halfbreed.”

“Don’t call her that, you dick!” defends Dean.

“And why not? It’s what the abomination is.”

“She’s not an abomination. She’s my best friend.”

“It’s fine, Dean. I don’t give a shit about his opinion anyway,” Harley says, “It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it.”

Castiel and Uriel poof off to God knows where.

“But you are,” Dean says softly. 

Chase and Sam seeing a potential moment make themselves scarce and head to the other side of the barn.

“I am what?” Harley asks, confusion evident in her voice.

“Worth it,” Dean says, “I know you don’t think you are, but-”

“Excuse you? I’m amazingly fabulous.”

“Don’t give me that crap. I know you. Maybe not as well as Chase, but I know you.”

“I’m not giving you crap.”

“Harley for someone who wanted to act, you're a terrible liar. I know all your bravado is bullshit. We all do.”

“So what?”

“So I want you to know you’re worth it.”

“I’m not though Dean. I’m just another monster.” 

Dean begins walking toward her stopping when they’re inches away. He pulls her into a hug, and she gladly accepts.

“You’re not a monster.” Dean softly says into her ear.

“How do you know that?”

“Because I...you try to do the right thing, even if you don’t know what it is.”

“Can we just stay here for a while?”

“We can do anything you want sweetheart,” Dean says with a suggestive undertone. 

Harley laughs it off thinking it’s just Dean being his flirty self. They just stand there in each other’s arms for what feels like forever and no time at all.

***

“What took you so long to get here?” Deans asks Ruby upon entering the room where she had been talking with Sam and Chase. She rolls her eyes at him. 

“Sorry I'm late with the demon delivery. I was only being tortured,” she replies sarcastically. 

“I got to hand it to you, Sammy. Bringing them all together all at once -- angels and demons. It was a damn good plan.”

“Yeah, well, when you got Godzilla and Mothra on your ass, best to get out of their way and let them fight.”

“Now you’re just bragging,” Chase says.

“What’s wrong with bragging?” Harley asks jokingly. “You do it all the time.”

Chase shrugs. “I’m not bragging. At that point, I’m simply stating facts.”

“That is bragging. You are literally bragging right now,” Sam laughs. 

Chase waves him off. “I’m just glad Anna’s okay.”

“So, I guess she's some big-time angel now, huh? She must be happy... Wherever she is,” Sam says. 

“I doubt it,” Dean adds. 

They all frown at his words, letting them sink in. 

***

Chase all but squeals as she starts the car. Harley shoots her an odd look, but Chase just smiles widely at her. “Oh my God, I have so much to tell you!”

“Okay? What do you have to tell me?” Harley asks, paranoid.

“Dean likes you!”

“Not this again. Every time we’re in the car.”

“Oh, hush!” Chase frowns. “That’s only cause I can’t say this in front of other people. I mean I can. I just thought you’d appreciate me being a bit more discreet about it. Anyhoo, I overheard Anna and Dean talking about it.”

“Did he actually say he likes me?”

“Well, no, but-” “So you have no proof. That what you’re telling me?”

“Wellll.” Chase sighs. “Okay, so here’s what happened. I was hiding because I overheard Anna and Dean talking and they were talking about Dean’s time in Hell. All very vague, and I’m not sure what it was about. Then Anna kisses Dean-”

“So?” Harley asks curtly. 

Chase rolls her eyes. “‘So?’” she says mockingly. “Soooo. Dean is all ‘what was that for’ and Anna is all ‘last night on earth’ and Dean’s all ‘you’re stealing my best line but-’ and then Anna is like ‘But?’ and there’s this pause. I’m pretty sure Dean looked over at where we were, because Anna just goes ‘oh, I see’ and then is like ‘she’s lucky’ after telling him he can’t run from everything.” 

“Did you actually see where he was looking?”

“Well, no, but- Don’t interrupt me, I’m not finished!” Chase huffs. “Anyway, as I was saying. Dean says he can certainly try and then Anna tells him that his intentions are not one sided, meaning there are intentions there and that she has noticed it being reciprocated, which mean she had to have been talking about you and Dean, and you like Dean, which means he likes you! Get it?”

“So you’re crazy. I don’t even know if I like him yet. I mean I think I might, but I’m not really sure. Besides I thought Dean was all in love with Cassie?”

“That was a fling and was years ago. Why would you think of her of all people?”

“I don’t know maybe because that’s the longest relationship Dean’s ever had?”

“Okay, fair, but like, again. Years ago. And this is something Anna has evidence of and she has no clue who Cassie is so,” Chase says in a ‘duh’ tone of voice.

“She could’ve just picked up on him liking someone and was trying to be nice.”

“Anna. Right. She was just trying to be nice. That makes complete sense,” Chase says in a heavily sarcastic tone. “You’re just being stubborn!”

“I’m always stubborn, besides she was trying to get in his pants right before that.”

“See, that’s true! Which means she simply didn’t know that Dean reciprocated feelings, but she did say she previously saw evidence of them being reciprocated. Ruby hates him, and I’m his sister so that’s an obvious “ew”, so you’re the only one left, and let’s not fool anyone here. Our argument earlier did not go unnoticed by our surrounding companions. She totally knows you got the hots for my brother.”

“I do not have the hots for him! I said I might like him that’s all. Anyway I’m not the kind of person that gets to fall in love.”

“That’s bullshit,” Chase deadpans, suddenly deadly serious. “You’re an amazing, wonderful, kind, loving, hilarious, beautiful person and I’ll be damned before I see you never get a happy ending simply because you believe it when certain dickheads tell you you don’t deserve one. Even if that dickhead is yourself.”

“Okay, that’s very sweet, but I just don’t want to risk falling in love and outliving that person by some vampire superpower.”

“Ummmm. Okay, I don’t have anything to combat that other than, we’re all gonna die one day. I can fall in love with a very humany human person and they could die the next day easily. Just because it will eventually end, you ending up immortal or not, doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the time you do have. Don’t let your fear of losing Dean- or anyone, don’t look at me like that- keep you from pursuing something that’ll make you happy now. All I’m saying.”

***

Jack and Baby are parked side by side along the mostly deserted highway, a lookoff point behind them, showcasing scenery that would leave most breathless. However, the four hunters and friends who sit on the hoods of their respective cars don’t look much at scenery. Two hold beers, the boys of the group, while the girls hold water bottles, making faces at Sam and Dean to tease them. Chase and Harley clink their water bottles, mocking Sam and Dean, who’d clinked their beer bottles. 

“I can’t believe we made it out of there,” Chase sighs. 

“Again,” Sam adds. 

Dean and Harley laugh slightly, but note the seriousness of the situation. 

“I know you guys heard him,” Dean says. 

The other three cast cautious glances at each other before looking to Dean. “Heard who?” Sam asks, feigning ignorance in case Dean would rather shove the topic back under the rug.

“Alastair. What he said about me. About how I have promise.”

“We heard him,” Chase confirms. 

“You’re not curious?” Dean asks in surprise. 

“Dean, all of us are damn curious, but we’re not gonna pry.”

“You said you didn’t want to talk about Hell,” Harley gently reminds. “So why would we ask? It’d only make you upset.”

“It wasn’t four months, you know,” Dean says.

“What?” Sam asks.

“I think I know how long my brother was gone,” Chase notes.

Dean meets her eyes briefly, before looking away. “I mean, yeah, it was four months up here but. I don’t know. Down there time is different.”

“How long was it?” Harley asks cautiously. 

“More like forty years.”

Chase makes a noise of hurt in her throat, and Sam lets out a small, “My God.”, but silence falls on all of them as they gaze at Dean in shock, mingled with horror. Tears shine in Dean’s eyes, further causing the three to be pained- Dean doesn’t often open himself up to vulnerability, so this is obviously difficult, traumatic, and painful for him. 

Dean’s voice cracks as he tries to explain to them just a fraction of what he’d gone through. “They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you... Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... just so they could start in all over. And Alastair... at the end of every day... every one... he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... if I put souls on... if I started the torturing. 

“And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy.” Dean meets Sam’s eyes, before glancing over at the two girls. “Guys, I just couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls.” A tear escapes, falling down Dean’s face. “The -- the things that I did to them.”

“Dean, you held out for thirty years,” Sam points out.

“That’s longer than most anyone!” Harley adds. 

Chase gets up and puts a tentative, but supportive, arm around her brother, who leans in slightly to accept the comfort. “It’s okay, Dean. You did good. You held out longer than I would have, than anyone I know probably could have. You’re gonna be okay.”

“How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.” Dean finally breaks down further, more tears escaping as he begins to cry. Harley and Chase’s eyes meet over his shoulder as Chase fully hugs him. Tears are shining in both girls’ eyes. 

The four hunters stay there in silence as Dean lets out a portion of his pain to let them carry. Chase, Harley, and Sam can’t help the feeling of helplessness they feel. They couldn’t truly help Dean or ever begin to understand what he went through. They could only hold him, let him speak if he wishes to speak, be silent when he wishes to be silent, and constantly remind him they were there.

[himbo-the-clown]

Hm. Slowly coming to the realisation that it’s infinitely easier as a Jewish person to talk about my opinions on Judaism than it is to talk about any other experiences I have as a member of any other minority group I’m part of. And I think it’s because every other minority I’m part of is majority christians or people raised in christian society (which is really every society that isn’t explicitly non-christian). So while other Jewish people can see the things I say about Judaism and wholeheartedly disagree with them, they don’t take it as me being a Bad Jew or an Evil Person because they understand that there’s no one way to be right and that there’s a lot of nuance and subjectivity in the world.

Whereas people who are christian or were raised in christian society often feel like if people don’t agree with them then those people are somehow inherently incorrect. Which is how we get people who try their best to be allies being “called out” for not listening to members of a group..... despite people being physically incapable of listening to and agreeing with Every Single Member of a group. Like individuals think that if the person listened to every side of an issue and then didn’t agree with them personally, they didn’t listen at all. And that they’re intentionally being bigoted and malicious.

Whereas with Jews there’s the whole “two Jews, three opinions” thing where even if one of us disagrees with another, we also know that there’s more than one way to look at things that can be equally valid and correct (as well as equally invalid and incorrect at the same time). Because our culture is heavily based around the idea of looking at every side of an issue and never coming to just one “true” answer, it’s much easier to disagree with someone without feeling like they must be wrong to make you right.

Christianity is so deeply rooted in all cultures that aren’t explicitly something else, and it convinces people that there’s right and wrong, good and bad, no such thing as nuance. That two people cannot hold different opinions and both be right. And that makes it really difficult as a Jewish person to interact on any meaningful level with christianised people that I share minority identities with who don’t work on unlearning this.

If I think doing something is antisemitic and another Jewish person thinks not doing it is antisemitic, we almost always can both acknowledge that our opinions can be equally valid and correct. We can respect a goy who has to choose whether or not to keep doing said thing, regardless of their choice, as long as they’ve actually looked into the issue and are making an informed decision, because we know that they can’t listen to both of us at once. And we care more that they’re listening to Jews in general and trying to educate themselves than if they made the “right” decision, in large part because we’re aware there is no objective “right” opinion about a lot of stuff.

Whereas if another trans person thinks doing something is transphobic and I think not doing it is transphobic, if they’re christianised there’s a decent chance that they’re going to get mad at me and decide that I’m not only “wrong” but also a “bad trans person” for thinking the way I do. And if a cis person inspects all the sides of the arguments and has to choose whether or not to keep doing said thing, if they don’t choose the other person’s side then that person will try to call them out as a transphobe who doesn’t listen to trans people rather than acknowledging that not all trans people agree on every trans issue always.

It’s really tiring sometimes, trying to talk about any identities I hold other than being Jewish. People are so eager to take things in bad faith as soon as they don’t agree with it, and to label people as “bad” or “good.” And you need a truly nauseating amount of explicitly stated caveats (speaking of, none of this is an excuse for terfs/nazis/transmeds/etc.) otherwise people will intentionally read malicious intent into everything you say. But thankfully the Jewish community always feels like a safe place for me to engage in good faith discussions about issues without feeling pressured to all agree with each other by the end of it.

Goyim can reblog this but know in advance that I don’t care about you “not being christianised because I’m an Atheist.” Cry all you want, if you weren’t raised in an explicitly non-christian society you’re still  christianised and your tears mean nothing to me. I will not debate you.

[noconcernofyours]

Pinning Down My Kind of Movie

Warning: Wanky, self-indulgent ramblings about Hollywood auteurs to follow

A couple of days ago, I sat down with my housemate to watch Miami Vice (2006) directed by Michael Mann (Heat, Collateral) and starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx. Since we moved into our place, my housemate has gradually been exposed to my taste in movies, and the other day, sat in front of a strung-out Colin Farrell ordering mojitos to ‘Numb/Encore’ during an undercover sting, he finally confronted me with a crisis-inducing statement: “You know, I can’t figure out what your kind of movie is.”

If I am to be totally honest, it doesn’t take much to send me into an existential tailspin, but this observation got me thinking enough to want to sit down and write about it, so here we are. My name’s Daniel and I love movies! When I was a teenager, I was certain I wanted to be a film critic, so I started writing in earnest. The problem was I wasn’t that well rounded as a viewer. I confined myself to the world of comic book movies and Disney animation. I turned my nose up at pretty much everything else before realising that I didn’t actually know much or have much to offer about film. Instead, I turned to music criticism because that’s where my knowledge base is.

That being said, I still loved movies, and as the years have gone on, I have been rapidly expanding my film knowledge and broadened my horizons extensively. I got called a “film buff” for the first time recently, which really shocked me. I still don’t feel well-watched enough, or knowledgeable enough to fit a moniker like that. Maybe it’s imposter syndrome, but I really feel like I have a way to go yet.

My Letterboxd bio includes the phrase “admirer of film nerds”, and I think that admiration informs the entire way I look at the world of film. I read a lot of reviews and listen to a lot of podcasts by smart, unpretentious film obsessives like David Sims, Griffin Newman, Katey Rich, Karen Han and Bilge Ebiri, but that same admiration also informs the kind of films I enjoy the most. In confronting the statement from my housemate, I realised that while there are some genres I gravitate to more than others, my taste in movies is largely defined by the extent to which I can pick up on a single authorial voice driving the film. A director, writer, actor, composer or cinematographer who has a real, obsessive love for their craft whose influence and personality can be felt in every layer of a film’s construction. Franchises are a different beast, but it’s usually the entries in a franchise that feel like passion projects for individual filmmakers that I love the most, which is why Iron Man 3 is by far my favourite Marvel movie.

Over the last few months I’ve started building a fairly extensive Blu-Ray collection. I love physical media because I like to have a tangible representation of the art I love, but it also allows me to physically organise my thoughts about film rather than moving things around on a spreadsheet or in my head. It has also had an effect on how I watch films. Spending money on a film makes me feel more obligated to watch it through to the end in one sitting, to not be on my phone at the same time and to pay closer attention. It’s also made my approach to picking the films I watch more considered. I’ve been hunting down the films I haven’t seen by directors I love, fuelled by newfound completionism, and I’ve been subconsciously prioritising this kind of auteur-driven mindset in a way that has revealed, over time, who my favourite filmmakers are.

So, with that in mind, let’s transform this meandering, self-indulgent think piece into a meandering, self-indulgent listicle. Here are the filmmakers that have changed the way I watch movies:

Christopher Nolan

I know this is a bit of a film bro cliché, but I promise I’m not one of those film school douchebags who’s convinced they’re going to be the next great big budget auteur. Like a lot of other people my age, I discovered Christopher Nolan through the batman movies. I was taken to see The Dark Knight by my parents when I was 10 years old, not having seen Batman Begins, and it blew my mind. For years after that, I was one of those arseholes who had a terrible Joker impression that I whipped out at parties, until I became aware of the cliché and never did it again.

In the years since I’ve watched all of his other movies and gained a new love of Interstellar and The Prestige – movies that taught me a lot about the authorial voice and interweaving a central theme into every element of a film. I also learned that just because I find it annoying when the same tropes turn up in every Quentin Tarantino movie, recurring tropes throughout a filmmaker’s catalogue aren’t universally a bad thing.

The Coen Brothers

Representation is important. The tough thing about watching films from an auteur-driven perspective is that so many of the most important filmmakers in Hollywood are approaching their films from a white, Christian, male perspective. Scorsese is a particularly difficult director for me to appreciate because so many of his films are overtly informed by his Christianity. My Jewish identity is the most significant aspect of my identity, so naturally I’m always looking for films made from a Jewish perspective, overt or otherwise.

Whilst the Coen brothers don’t always make movies about explicitly Jewish characters or subject matters, their Jewishness always comes out in their writing, particularly in the totally undidactic way they approach the subject of faith in almost every film they’ve made. Their approach to God, fate, spirituality and religion is never one of moralising certainty, but rather a questioning one, which is a fundamental aspect of Jewish existence. I feel represented on multiple levels in the films of the Coen brothers, particularly in Inside Llewyn Davis which is my favourite film of the last decade, in ways that other directors could never manage. For the same reasons I will forever be excited about the potential of the Safdie brothers.

Stephen Spielberg

Whilst the Jewishness of Stephen Spielberg is a major attraction for me (Catch Me If You Can, his moody Christmas movie, comes across as weirdly Jewish to me), the thing that has solidified the guy as one of my favourite filmmakers is his approach to telling true stories. Unlike the Coen brothers, it’s Spielberg’s self-assuredness and didacticism that fuels my love of his work. His spate of recent, politically switched-on, historical dramas (Lincoln, Bridge of Spies and The Post) are all incredible achievements in effectively giving quiet dramas about people talking in rooms the tension and stakes of great action movies.

It’s the obvious thing to say at this point that Spielberg is one of the few genuine masters of the cinematic language, but while most will point to his massive, populist movies of the 80s and 90s as the definitive examples of that, I would point to his spottier late career with its moralising and earnestness as where his most exhilarating work lies.

Michael Mann

I like that Michael Mann is uncompromising. He makes films which, based on premise and star power, should be commercial knockouts, but they almost never are. He has an incredibly clear sense of self, and like Nolan has a lot of frequently recurring tropes in his films. Michael Mann makes films about Men Making Tough Choices™. He builds detailed, intensely researched worlds and he loves crime!

There’s something special when a filmmaker can tread the same ground over and over again and never convey the same central message twice. Nearly all of Mann’s movies are gritty, neo-noir thrillers with an obsessive attention to detail, but all of them deal with a totally distinct existential question which runs through every element of the film, from meta casting to set design, to music, to Mann’s pioneering use of digital photography. I’m just obsessed!

Stephen Soderbergh

Soderbergh is a hill that I’m going to be climbing for quite some time, I think. This is a guy who is relentlessly prolific, taking on a ridiculous number of roles on set himself, and working so fast that he often churns out multiple films in a year. With limited funds and a determination to watch movies legally, my progress through Soderbergh’s filmography has been slow, but I’ve loved every one I’ve watched so far.

As much as I love the guy’s mastery of the heist movie, and the way he slips those story telling devices into a lot of his non-heist stories, I think what really gets me about Soderbergh is the way his filmmaking style always seems to feel tooled towards portraying his characters with as much empathy as possible. Often his films are about people working or learning to empower themselves and coming to terms with their own identities. Anyway, go watch Out of Sight! It’s a damn masterpiece!

Kathryn Bigelow

Kathryn Bigelow’s career is full of insane ups and downs, but as far as I’m concerned, despite the difficulties she’s had getting her movies made and seen, she has three unqualified masterworks: Point Break, Strange Days and The Hurt Locker. On this list of directors, Bigelow has perhaps the most stylistically varied body of work, but her best work, much like that of other directors that I find myself drawn to, is largely concerned with obsession. Her characters are deeply flawed, but unwaveringly driven. What I love is that despite her drastic genre change from pulpy action thriller to hyper-realistic docudrama, she’s managed to hold on to that fascination with obsession, and an acute, outsider’s understanding of masculinity and its fragility.

Kathryn Bigelow has had to adapt to keep working, but because of that, she’s managed to develop a voice and a personality that is versatile enough to withstand her career shifts, but strong enough that it hasn’t been chipped away at by the difficulties she’s faced as a woman in Hollywood.

So, what was the point of all this?

Honestly, there wasn’t one. This was a piece of self-indulgence that allowed me to navigate an idea over which I was obsessing for a little while. That being said, I think if I had read something along these lines a few years ago, I would have delved into the world of director-focused movie watching far sooner. It’s hard to quickly and easily define the role of a director in contemporary film, particularly due to the ever growing influence of studios, but in the world in which the above filmmakers operate, the director has final say over all the creative decisions involved in putting together a movie. For me, the most exciting films are the ones that clearly and effectively communicate a single creative voice. Sue me, I love auteurs.