#they wrote them so fucking well this may be the first time it doesnt hurt me to see ppl stay as just friends so this is saying smth for me

[akascow]

two wolves inside me rn

wanting edwin and charles to be endgame bc i love happy (gay) couples who love each other bc it would hurt me to know edwin IS in love with his best friend but charles doesbt feel the exact same (obviously he loves him back but not romantically… unless?)

but also wanting them to stay best friends and only best friends because man do they play that dynamic so goddamn well and theres still some deep love in there just a different kind and its tearing me apart

[emmetofthestars]

ok lets see how far i can go. im gonna startt. kim just gonna start.

fair warning this will either seem like incoherent rambling because my thoughts are hard to formulate or just me wanting to be rude about the sequels past we love katamari despite never playing them (i wrote this line after i finished the whole post)

anyways im about to list alot of king's outfits over the games and then rate them on 1) whether i like them personally (partly removed from context), and 2) whether i think they actually fit king. im doing this for absolutely no fucking reason and honestly im scared ill be very wrong or biased but im mnot being paid to do this for gods sakes im writign a tumblr post. i wont get cancelled for getting king incorrect. anyways

katamari damacy

(im probably going to switch between using game screenshots and transparent images)

1#: yeah i like it. he looks stupid and i like it. the cape and whatever the collar is called, in combo with the chain and gold accessories looks so silly. he doesnt look like a king besides the crown. he looks like he wants to be cool but doesnt know what that means but he knows nobody will question it cuz hes the king after all.

headdress: perfectly over-loaded. you have way too much going on. you dont need those blinking lights. and you really dont need those patterns and colors. can i try it on

2#: well its hard to say since this is the first one. and of course the first one fits him cuz. its the first one. but i think it gets his impression off very well. its a prussian blue v neck and a golden chain, with sort of maroon tights and a golden belt with the face of a lioness. bracelets and rings, and of course the triangle ruffle collar and purple flower pattern cape. its a mixed warddrobe, kind of silly, i think it works well with how you cant really take him seriously, too. rude and hurtful, yet also he. dresses like this. a kings crown, cape and collar, but his personal style underneath it. also expresses how he may be king, but hes not really taking that as being his role - rather, being himself means to be king. or being king is like, a side thing, not as important as just doing what he wants. maybe a bit of a reach, dont know if i managed to explain what im feeling properly... also, his actual clothing besides his headress isnt actually complicated, which is an interesting contrast. you would think he wants you to pay attention to his face, and not his body. he is egotistical, it makes sense that he wants you to look at him and pay attention to him in general, but the emphasis on his face is interesting.

headdress: absolutely fits. very extravagant in a way that works. the colors arent bright as hell either, which im glad they did because if they were neon and too flashy itd look too obnoxious. well itd look bad but also hes not about exactly "standing out". he loves attention, but he still has his style, and that style IS colorful, but not neon. i think it fits him well, it teeters on being over the top and subtle at the same time, like complex embroideries perhaps

we love katamari

1#: also like it. has the same color scheme of blue top and magenta purplish bottoms. though here its a bit less saturated and lighter in color. the flowers on the sleeves are a nice touch since hes no longer wearing his flower cape, and the golden ankle ring, as hes wearing nothing on his hands but his wedding ring.

headdress: neat!! i like this more than katamari damacy, but just because its kind of cute. well i like them both, but this one is easier to draw (lol) and the color scheme is nice. the lights are now flashing from the spaces of color, instead of looking like round lightbulbs, if that makes sense, and it seems more casual this way, somehow.

2#: it kinda fucks me up. but judging king in we love katamari, from how different he is compared to katamari damacy, this outfit seems kind of perfect to showcase how (almost eerily) laid back he seems to be in we love. his ruffle collar is now smoothed out, its wiggly instead of sharp. hes wearing a very wide sleeve light cyan top, a purplish flower on each sleeve, with a squiggly cut on the lapel, open to reveal his chest and a golden chain, with a piece that looks perhaps like a flower attached to it. he now has a band wrapped around his waist instead of the golden belt, with a golden lioness head piece holding it in place. lighter wine color tights. its so- i dont know. king starts off obviously excited at the fanbase and attention hes getting, so its curious he puts down the iconic outfit and gets into something so comfortable. he wants to stand out less, all of a sudden. its still very much a king outfit, but he dropped so much, i wonder why. hes laying back as usual to let prince do his work but hes really leaning into it now. not just that, but he seems almost less hurtful than katamari damacy. more open. hes still full of himself, but its toned down, muted. his occasional interjections talking about his childhood and papa are offputting in the sense that its unusual. and this outfit is unusual, too, in comparison. katamari damacys impression is that hes pompous but a bit silly (and also just a dick), we love katamaris impression is that hes egoistic- but aimless. he seems more forgetful and more lost in thought. the cape missing could also be symbolic of his openness, even if a bit cheesy. i noted that his cape might also hold some emotional weight similar to the crown, but thats based on my feelings.

headdress: reflects the casuality. its got a smaller color palette now, less patterns, and more flat spaces of color. reminds more of his headdress patterns in his childhood. its also longer now, but i dont have anything to add for that.

me & my katamari

this is where i start to get a bit iffy in general. the games are no longer directed by keita, and king doesnt actually progress any. he stays the same or changes purely because different people are writing his dialouge. me & my katamari seems to have no story otherwise, or cutscenes, even - so from here on i suppose i do get biased but there isnt much character to go off of. however- i did not play any of the games besides the first two, so i am watching gameplays.

1#: i think its alright. i dont really like the combo of colors, it feels weird with the super yellow thin cape, but it is a swimsuit style thing. i wish they changed the collar, though, or outright removed it. it feels wrong to be in there.

headdress: ehh too neon, doesnt help with colors.

2#: this is. alright, its ok. the swimsuit is relatively simple too, thought the yellow cape doesnt seem like something hed wear, especially since its supposed to be a swimsuit- a cape would make it very hard to swim, though kings zaniness could get him to wear a cape if it means looks over functionality. it isnt his normal cape of course, though im a bit sad the flower pattern is entirely missing here, or even a hint of it. instead its a swimsuit.. something... with wine and orange, and what looks like a necklace. its not a necklace exactly, but i dont know the name for this. its also got a lioness head. i dont really get the golden armband around his left arm, but eh. i think its passable overall but straying further from kings personality, though given he is just like. having a splash and having fun. and it is skin tight, which isnt really that important, but its not swimming boxers or something. swimming suit still with a touch of decency. i guess it wouldve been repetitive if this one also had a v cut, but to continue onward from we love katamari, if it had to be real casual and open as a sort of conclusion to we love katamari, i could imagine something similar to this swimsuit, but its a one-piece that covers his legs and chest but leaves his arms free. idk though. i also added this bit in an edit, so now im starting to think about actually sitting down and redesigning it, but im uh. not able to rn. and you cant save edits as drafts. oh well.

beautiful katamari

1#: really very stupid looking. i think the sleeves and puffy pants are very funny but boy i dont like this. dont really like the colors. id try it on myself tho. again, with the wiggly collar- this straight up just doesnt change in all games after we love katamari.

headdress: meh. not a big fan. its getting a bit boring now.

2#: not sure what to say. king wouldnt wear this. its really not his style. it looks more like a jesters outfit, and the lack of shoes makes it look even stranger. the weird random opening that shows a bit of his stomach is also a bit nonsensical, alone in terms of how the hell this piece of clothing works. the pants are too puffy- stripes arent something that make sense as a pattern for him. and the whole theatrics thing, with king talking to you from behind curtains he opens up, on a stage like background, feels out of character. hes not one for theatrics (literal). he likes admiration but he performs by showing off what he can do physically, not through theater or a play. not that its said he does, but the theater bit is just weird. doesnt fit him as a character.

headdress: in combo with the outfit it just doesnt make much sense, it doesnt really harmonize. its alot of shapes and colors, but not with much consideration. the colors seem to be random. the headdress and outfit are kind of at equilibrium with how much they catch your attention. obviously the headdress is more saturated and in game it has blinking lights, but you do have to look longer at the outfit, and it kind of sticks out with how it seems like such a weird pick for him. also it is just kind of a silly looking thing. maybe im just looking too hard though.

also ill b real im just getting more mad at the gameplay. the physics are missing and the katamari feels way too fast and responsive, which is frustrating me, and the game is basically back to basics with you and king and nobody else, which makes kings lines disappointing, but once again, i handle watching a game and playing it differently, and i already have bad feelings about the sequels besides we love katamari as they arent directed by keita, and king is such a specific character. the gameplay part is irrelevant though but it is making me want to watch it less. lol.

katamari forever

1#: curious! i like this outfit, removed from context. i cant say i like it as a king outfit at all, but i just like this type of outfit. fucking. no idea what that thing hes wearing at his collar is called but i have a little soft spot for that thing. hehe. dont care that its a king outfit though.

headdress: i like the colors! its mainly blues, purples and greens, but i like it. the patterns work fine for me. still boring though.

2#: this is hard. katamari forever has a bit more substance, but the whole plot literally is that king loses his memories. though he IS wearing this before he loses his memories. he has dialouge as he has levels, but technically, roboking is the main character in this. doesnt really matter, you can choose between either of their levels at free will i believe. thissss outfit is. sssssss. i dont know. the direction its taking with the fancy dandiness isnt out of place for *a* king, but it is out of place for *the* king of all cosmos. his suit and whole shebang being so bright is incredibly juxtaposed to his comfy darker pallette of katamari damacy and we love katamari - yet hes still the same character? hes not changed. he still belittles prince for low scores and small katamaris, still pretty egotistical. his outfit doesnt reflect anything on a deeper level. if anything just reflects a change in taste, but thats really not that interesting. theres cutscenes (finally) but these say nothing as hes asleep in those cutscenes. so theres nothing more to pull out of that. his responses to low or high scores seem to be mostly the same, and rather short, to be honest. when he requests something, its also pretty short. theres not alot to take out of that.

touch my katamari

1#: scared. scared of touch my katamari. i dont like this outfit but also i just dont like kings 3d model. like i dont need to tell you his face his scary and uncanny looking. its not that bad in this image but if you see even one closeup of his face its just. uncomfortable. his collar is sharp and triangle-y again, though.

headdress: i like the hearts hehe. thats about it though. dont like the fabric overlay over the texture, was kind of unnecessary. i want to spare you from looking at a closeup of the kings face though.

2#: man i dont know bro

im also getting tired and Hooo shit look at the time. i know i shouldnt do these things but you know how it is. i dont know why i did this, to be honest, but i just felt like talking a bit. my mind is a little too full on things around the cosmic family(s) and im already thinking more about queens family. oh well. i have no idea whether to tag this. i suppose i would conclude it here, despite the indeed dry touch my katamari review... this is just my little thing for me. im sure if i tag it with the katamari tag Nothing bad will happen. im going to sleep.

extra:

THIS IS AMAZING KATAMARI not tap my katamari. you can see the edge of the title literally right there in the image but i was too distracted by their whismy.

queen ❤️

amazing katamari is just a mobile endless runner so theres no story but i will say: i like this! its cute! its simple, and a combo of the katamari damacy and we love katamari outfits. yea its not special, but its ok! though again with the collar... would've liked if they kept either one or the other collar piece. but thats about it, no deep analysis. i just think this render and art style is cute in general, so exclude this from the review. headdress is neat too. again nothing special but atleast it isnt so neon, mainly pinks purples and blues. completely taking it as being cute art though.

bonus AGAIN:

roboking. there will be no outfit review its just king but robo. hes also an entirely different character anyway so an analysis doesnt make sense. but i like that his belt looks stupid and his colors go pretty well, purple yellow blue. and that his eyes are always angled down. i just like robots. all im putting him here for is to say i think his pathetic self is entertaining and i kinda wish katamari forever was better. it couldve been good. but yeah ending this off with sad little roboking. thanks for reading. bye bye

[its-reddie123]

God's cross

Chapter 2

Content warnings: lots of potential triggers such as homophobic language and actions and references to self harm and suicide and torture and institutional abuse

AN- this is based heavily on the film 'the miseducation of Cameron post' and wrote this ages ago before seeing the whole film, it is a bit heavy but doesnt actually go super into anything, figured i may as well upload the rest even though its been years lol, see chapter 1 here:

“And so I said look Greta if your interested your going to have to actually fucking kiss me otherwise this is a no go, and she said she couldn’t do that, can you believe that shit?” Beverly was immersed in telling Stan about her and Greta when Richie returned but Beverly barely noticed and continued her discussion

“I mean I can bev, the point of this place is not to be gay” Stan said giggling and whispering the last part even though the cafeteria was mostly empty now.

“Stanley this is not a laughing matter Beverly’s love life is the highest of importance” Richie added

This just made Stan laugh more Beverly was laughing now too and soon they were all roaring with laughter. Then a matron came over telling them to stop and took Stan away and Beverly and Richie proceeded to go bunk prayer group together.

*

Later that day Richie went to the communal showers. It had been a long hot day and he desperately needed to wash before bed. When entering it was apparent straight away something was wrong , the room was full of steam the heat hitting Richie like a wall. Then he heard the sobbing at first he couldn’t hear it properly over the shower that was pumping out all the hot water and it just sounded like small whimpers but as he drew closer it was clear they were huge ragged sobs. When he rounded the corner it made horrific sense, Eddie was curled up into a ball on the floor crying uncontrollably his legs and arms a bright red, painfully burnt from the hot water. He sat there letting the water hit his red back , Richie ran over to the shower turning it off

“Fuck fuck fuck” Richie ran over to Eddie wrapping him in a towel.

Eddie just sat there, tears still falling down his face as Richie sat down opposite “What the fuck were you thinking?”

Eddie looked down to the floor

“Was this about what happened earlier? You are clean Eddie your the cleanest I have ever seen a person, ever I promise you were never dirty in the first place”

Eddie looked up at him with round eyes, as these were exactly the words he had wanted to hear for such a long time.

“You mean it?”

“Yeah I do” he nodded “so this is because we kissed?” Richie asked tentatively, Eddie dropped his head down again.

“Yeah I guess, I don’t know, I shouldn’t have done what I did it was wrong, very wrong”

Richie felt his heart jolt just seeing someone so torn up like Eddie was, he wanted to protect him but didn’t know what to say

“Did Bev tell you about me?” Eddie asked still looking at the floor

“I may have made enquiries yes, about the pretty boy who kept starring at me”

“Does she hate me?”

“No but you really hurt her, I don’t think she hates you though, she just didn’t like you left her all alone”

“Would she forgive me?”

“I don’t know, probably” Richie had edged slightly closer and was twiddling Eddies damp hair between his fingers. Very slowly Eddie moved his head to lay it against Richie’s shoulder leaning in towards his neck, Eddies hot breathe against Richie’s neck sent shivers down his spine.

“You know I don’t actually know your name” Eddie whispered into Richie’s neck

“Richie” he whispered back, wrapping his arms around Eddie pulling him closer. They sat like that for what felt like hours on the wet shower floor. Richie never did get round to washing that night.

*

Things were looking up despite the dire circumstances, Stan was now a fully active member of their group and had began joining the two in their little trips to the sports shed after dark. They would sit up and talk about everything and nothing which became their own kind of counter therapy.

Eddie hadn’t approached Richie again since that night in the showers and had said he needed some time, and Richie didn’t want to impose so he left him be. This was until one Saturday about a month into Richie’s time at the camp, he knew he hadn’t seen the worst of the place as he’d been complicit with basically all the demands. He heard things about those who weren’t so compliant with the programme so he continuously avoided the urge to get up and punch all of them in the face. What they said was always so wrong “diseased” , “disgusting” , “dead inside” it made him so angry having to listen to that bullshit every day in and out, he’d had got to the stage of clenching his fists during the sessions so hard he had started to scar the inside of his hands with his nails. This is how he ended up seeing Eddie again.

Eddie was on his way to lunch crossing the deserted court yard. He was thinking about Richie like how his dark curls hit his forehead, how his brown eyes shon through his glasses the freckles on his face and his lips...a sudden flash of green crossed his vision followed by a loud *SMASH*. Eddie hesitantly went round the corner the plant had came flying from finding Richie kicking an old wooden bench into splinters while swearing repeatedly under his breath , His face red and frustrated.

“Hey, are you okay?” Eddie asked nervous, he hadn’t really seen someone this angry before.

Richie stopped in his tracks a little when he realised it was Eddie “I’m fine” he walked away crossing the field, Eddie following him

“I wanna talk to you”

“Not now I... I don’t want to hurt you or anything so just walk away Eddie”

“No”

“Walk away!”

“I have already had enough hurt for a life time I’m sure you couldn’t possibly do anything that’s worse” the hot mid day sun was beat down on their backs

“I really like you Richie!” Eddie shouted as Richie began to get further away “do you know how hard it is for me to say that! You gotta help me I can’t do this on my own and neither can you, tell me what’s wrong, please” Richie stopped and turned around

“I’m just sick of feeling disgusted with myself” Richie said turning around his fists clenched avoiding eddies eyes. Eddie began closing the distance between them until they were almost face to face

“So am I, but if we were...” he was cut off as Richie suddenly took Eddies face in his hands connecting their desperate mouths while Eddie grasped his hands around Richie’s neck to close the last bit of distance between the two. Richie pulled away quickly

“Not here”

“Yeah, I know a place” Eddie said raising his eyebrows and taking Richie’s large calloused hand in his smaller one entwining their fingers.

*

“Hey bev?”

“What do you want?”

“Can we talk?” Eddie sat down next to her in the empty library.

“About what?” She said eyeing him with caution

“I wanted to say sorry, I know I can’t fix it I cant really justify what I did either just know I was in a really dark place I couldn’t... see you because then might have sent me back, they still could send me back”

“But back where, Eddie? What happened? Why did you say those things” Bev said tears beginning to brim in her eyes

“It was like torture, I didn’t know how long I was going to be down there when I would see the light of day again, they broke me put me back together in the wrong way, I don’t really... can’t really go into the details” Eddie drew in a shaky breathe tears beginning to fall down his face

“I said it because I wanted them to know I was like how I was before that I really had changed, but I haven’t Bev and I don’t know what to do” Eddie then broke down completely and Beverly brought him into a strong hug.

“Is this about you and Richie?” She asked pulling away and using her thumb to brush away stray tears on his now shocked face.

“How did you know?”

“I’m not dumb, I’ve seen it several times where you two leave at the same time to go to ‘the toilets’” she said with air quotes

Eddie smiled his cheeks turning a dusty red.

“Yeah but it’s not all about... that, I really really like him “

“Do you love him?” Beverly grinned

“To be honest I think I am falling for him it’s terrifying thing not just because I’m worried he doesn’t feel the same but because I know it’s all wrong there’s this voice that keeps telling me it’s wrong Bev that’s what I was talking about before I don’t know what to do” more tears traced down his face.

“It’s how you feel Eddie it’s not wrong, we’ll figure this out I promise” she smiled solemnly

*

“Hey Richie, Bev she’s in trouble” Stan ran up to him as Richie was about to enter the dining hall,

“Shit what is it?”

“Greta and her started a shouting match in the middle of cafeteria and then Greta started beating her up”

Richie didn’t need to hear anymore he ran through to medium sized hall scanning the room. Eddie was by his side almost instantly as Richie’s eyes landed on the the two girls who were surrounded by seemingly every fucking teenager there was in the camp the majority egging the two girls on.

They were on the floor rolling about, screeching, pulling hair, punching. Beverly seemed to be holding her own but she did have a bloody nose and red marks all up her arm. Richie was first to push through the crowd surrounding them girls and tried pulling away Greta only to receive and elbow right to the nose. He stumbled back stan and Eddie holding him up but before anymore of them could even attempt to intervene suddenly another figure was pushing through the crowd, one of the matrons. She pulled Beverly away by the arms as she resisted kicking and screaming but the matron was unfazed

“She tried to touch me miss!” Greta shouted standing up with her fair share of cuts and bruises

“Oh fuck off greta! you fucking BITCH!!” Beverly shouted still struggling as to no prevail to get away from the matron.

The three boys watched helplessly as their friend was dragged away

“Fuck it” Stan said running after her

“No don’t! it’s no use Stan!” Eddie shouted but it was too late he had already rounded the corner

*

Beverly and Stan weren’t seen for another three days. Richie had gone into complete lock down making sure Eddie kept close by him, they sat together in the food hall only showing any affection after dark when they both snuck out to see each other in the old garage Eddie had shown him, Richie was not having them taking any chances.

“I don’t know how you like me” Eddie said cutting through the silence

“What do you mean? How could I not? You’re my Eddie spaghetti” Richie said tousling eddies hair while pulling him closer on their makeshift bed of old blankets and pillows.

“I’m so gross and like slimy sometimes I feel like one of those ugly goblins you have in fairy stories”

“Shut up! your gorgeous”

“No”

“Yes”

“No”

“Yes, an infinite times yes”

“Damn I can’t argue with that”

Richie pulled him closer into a kiss, the whole world dropping away, he loved when it was just them

“It’s getting late I don’t wanna get caught” Eddie said looking at his watch

“Nooooo 5 more minutes” Richie said as he clung to Eddie kissing his neck

“Ah why are you like this?” Eddie said giggling and struggling to free himself from Richie who was now blowing raspberries into his neck

They crept back to the dorms and Richie waved goodbye and started closing his door when he saw the matron grab Eddie by the collar

“What are you doing sneaking out of bed?! Trying to sleep with other boys again?! We shall be having none of that from you” she screeched whilst quickly dragging him away by the collar before Richie could even begin to protest

Neither of them slept that night

[silent-sanctum]

i usually dont post unformatted stuff like this on the regular, but based on the amount of "jokes" ive seen in twitter and in tumblr about jotaro's character, i got some pet peeves that i may or may not be taking too seriously since he's my fave

but at the same time, a portion of the community is also taking these memes seriously as if it's the gospel and im kinda sick of it tbh so might as well treat this as a "in defense of" segment-

im sure there are others who feel the same way, but im letting everyone know that i feel the same sentiments:

Choosing Koichi over Jolyne

This is one that i don't feel that strongly about compared to the rest, but i feel like ive seen enough of these comments pop up in a youtube video and it makes me want to ask: "yeah? man literally let his emotions surface and sacrifices himself just to let his daughter know that he loves her over anything else".

And why? Because he stayed in Morioh and so happened to end up as a mentor-figure to Koichi (and, you know, to Josuke and Okuyasu too )? But why is it Koichi is singled out as "joot's preferred child" and not the rest? Cause he's child-sized?

Nothing much else to say but do stop treating jotaro like he fully abandoned his family just for shits and giggles.

Ocean Man x Dolphins

NOW. I have things to say.

What is up with these comments? Wherever I go (youtube, reddit, twitter etc.), i would see shit similar to this where he has a fetish for dolphins? Uhm, tf?

I get it if it's done for the memes, but istg, i see these in every reply in a thread as if araki wrote that in canon and people exaggerate this to an extent where "his lover is a sea mammal", "jolyne's mom is a dolphin", "he screws with dolphins", "make dolphin sounds to attract him" etc.

first off... how dumb and really stupid? Just because one of his P4 outfits had an abundance of dolphin pins doesnt mean he has an extreme liking to them. He wore that fit for one arc and thats pretty much it.

And to keep repeating that "i left my family to fuck with them" joke in every comment is just very subpar in terms of humor. It's not even funny to more it's used.

Need i remind these people that other than the clothes, he shows ABSOLUTELY no liking to dolphins at all in the show. If anything, he prefers starfishes over dolphins- he wrote a whole thesis about them and his office has an entire portion of a wall with framed starfishes.

don't know how the whole shtick blew up into this but omg it's annoying

I am Cold-Hearted Misogynist Giga Chad

Imma need everyone to stop mischaracterizing him as nothing but an "always angry" hates females person.

To address the misogynist topic, he talks regularly with the school nurse about cutting his pants, he emphasizes that he's deeply insulted when an innocent woman is hurt and that he considers that as true evil, protects and helps Anne when she's on screen, goes on a whole ass journey to help his mom recover, got married and had a kid with a woman, and offered a brief condolence to Tomoko about her dad's death.

also put in mind that he only barks up and become "misogynistic" (which not really) toward the females that obsess over him. I mean it's borderline sexual harassment if you ask me with the way the female students won't leave him alone and continue to be noisy around him or when adult women fawn over a MINOR.

AND EVEN THEN, when he goes to school with his fangirls flocking around him, he doesn't push them off. Why? Because it's unnecessary. He lets one of them cling to his arm and he just ignores them. After falling the stairs and they swarm around him, he doesn't become violent toward the girls and continues to ignore them. (sure he pushed those flight attendants away and punched his daughter to get out, but then again they were blocking his path and they needed to get out the room so he found it necessary to do those things)

again, him being annoyed with loud girls is reasonable but he isn't annoyed with every female in existence. That doesn't make him a misogynist.

Mr. Blank Slate

As an introvert myself, i find it sad and lowkey insulting that when it comes to watching introverted characters, the audience find them as boring and bears no personality. And i can tell...because the audience finds jotaro and giorno, the 2 introverted Jojos, as characters who are dull and bland.

maybe that's why i kin with joot, because we just quiet and vibing, and somehow people misinterpreting that vibes as "we hate everything don't talk to us"

We aren't openly dynamic and spontaneous but that doesnt mean we don't have personality.

But I think that's because viewers are well-acquainted with "out there" characters who show an explosive and emotive reaction to stuff like Joseph or Josuke. Much like a typical Shonen protag.

jotaro is a stoic, reserved man with a kickass no bullshit personality who wants things done as soon as possible, but holds a soft golden heart deep down who wants his friends and family safe and happy. He's a dork who makes corny one-liners, watches detective shows and documentaries, does party tricks for his friends, very keen on maintaining his sense of style (his uniform, 20k yen pants, expensive ass watch), literally smiles in ^_^ (and yes... he does emote in the anime yall are just too stuck up in the notion of him being angry 24/7 for yall to notice), etc.

idk much about giorno yet im sorry but all i know is that the kid's got a dream so I guess you could say he's ambitious and driven to secure his goal of being a gang-star mafia leader.

all i can say is that, the quiet ones have some quirks to them too and it's not always the loud ones.

Are these controversial? Maybe, but I've seen some express their frustrations so why not as well. Am i being a killjoy and taking this too seriously? Debatable, but there are some of you who also take your jokes seriously so don't come at me.

Will i have more peeves in the future? Likely. Let's wait and see :>

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

drop the lore for your song !

(insert "sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it" cake here. sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it!!!)

okay so first i guess we should probably drop the lyrics, theyre on bandlab but also who give a shit. here you go:

-and you sit there like youre some starry-eyed god

asking for sacrifice, knowing what i lost

and what can i do but follow you?

i made you my temple, just follow through

and your honor, you sit and stare as i stand witness

to this man burning everything i love down with this building

and from the ashes his eyelash comes falling, i make a wish

it wont ever come true but ill make him pray it did

and god, my god i would follow you to death

you know this so you hold a blunt knife to my neck

i am more than just your satisfactions and regrets

but you are less than i thought, you are less and you're not even worth it

i am breathing just a little and calling it a life

you are walking in the wild with a mass market knife

and it feels so juvenile to talk it all through

we are teenagers at battle, we are always coming true

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW YOU COULD NOT HAVE SAVED ME?

AND DO YOU BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON THE NEWS

CAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT ALL KIDS DO IS LOSE EVENTUALLY.

I HATE THAT YOU COULDNT SAVE ME.

that must mean im stronger.

you said you would protect me.

but im like ocean water.

and youre like twenty three!

so i choose now between honesty and dignity

and i cannot worship a god i cant believe

yeah i tore my palms down your altar

for war, blood must taste sweet

i dont know what to do to make you believe that im insane

you made me, made me you, made me who i am

no you didnt make me, i made me, you were just a tool

ill say anything so ill sleep the whole night through

first piece of lore: i did in fact write this in tumblr drafts. people tend to not believe me when i tell them but notes app is far too open. tumblr drafts is for the arteries. also the sense of danger from my drafts being cleared or my account being deleted (which happened) keeps me on my toes.

second piece of lore: this is less of a song and more of a conglomeration of words i thought go together good. i didnt really have a plan for this as i was writing it, it sort of formed the image and story it has as i wrote and only when i was "done" (the song isnt complete but im done writing it for now) did i have it completely. my sister said the phrase "starry-eyed god" and i ran from there! i was kind of toying with the idea of being hurt by someone who doesnt really believe they are harming you, and sort of falling across that line all the time of are they really innocent or are they playing innocent.

i also liked the idea of being so in love with someone that you'd worship them, not understanding that that isnt love, its obsession. lots of misunderstandings and insanity in this bad boy.

this is also definitely the ending half of the song. in my recording the end is a little fucked because, third piece of lore, i accidentally slammed my hand on the table out of passion and spent the rest of the song trying not to cry in pain. why did i push through, you may ask. why didnt i just stop and rerecord in a minute. well im something of an artiste (idiot)

that bit on "what can i do but follow you/i made you my temple just follow through" where im high and singing almost reverently is what i want more of the beginning to sound like. for this section we have more of those divine chorus vibes peeking through every once in a while, so the beginning will have this almost spoken desperate vibe peeking through, but majority of that high angel voice for most of it.

okay this is already long so im gonna stop here with general lore -- if you want me to go through the lyrics as well and talk about that, i am more than happy to!! lyrics are my favorite parts of a song, especially writing-wise, so i would love that actually. some of the lyrics in this are inspired by poetry so its pretty fun to look back and see.

thank you for asking!! i love you sm <33

[wifiwuxians]

quick aside for my moment of befuddlement because ive always misunderstood the idiom "like a house on fire" LOL. i always thought it was a passive aggressive way of saying "dude, we would destroy each other lets not talk" so when i first read that I was like ??? context??? doesnt match??? did they misunderstand the idiom? DID I? then i googled it and you're right lol its a nice thing. (tho now i wanna put that in a fic bc i think that would be a delightful misunderstanding for characters to have). IM SO GLAD I MADE UR FUNK SLIGHTLY LESS FUNKY THO. you're great and you're super sweet ;w; if i had more self-confidence, i would definitely jump at the opportunity to befriend. maybe when i get more gutsy

BACK TO THE SONG LAN HATE THO. im sorry, im still in shock. just HOW. also..... how is my interpretation of them not the common one??? again, i stay so strictly to my lane i didnt know other lanes existed and i definitely dont want to hear about it bc i think song lan hate would hurt my heart. it already hurts my heart sometimes when i see xue yang hate and XUE YANG DESERVES IT. literally i despair at media literacy sometimes. i absolutely cannot understand how anyone consumed the same content as we did and decided to be mean to song lan.

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY A FAVORITE ARTIST, DUDE. have you fucking SEEN your stuff?!? like, are you as blind as xiao xingchen? (my sweetie, may he forever regain his sight). your art is GORGEOUS. absolutely worthy of being a fav artist and i am sure im not the only one. for starters, your pieces always have a depth to them that sets them in a scene so freaking beautifully EVEN WHEN THERES NO BG or even in your more simplified styles. when you come out with a "silly phone doodle of xue yang", i see the freaking SKILL needed to make THAT adorable lil gremlin as just a 'silly doodle'. like BRO, youre so skilled that i think youve lost depth of how good an artist you really are. i wish i was smarter with art words so i could tell you in color theory exactly why your colors are so beautiful but im dumb and all i know is "color pretty" BUT SINCE I CAN PORTRAY STUFF WITH WORDS SOMETIMES i'll try to just express how your colors alone can evoke emotion and tell a story, how you use the contrast to make your art pop off the page, the way that the colors caress a scene and show so much more inside. its beautiful, your art is beautiful, i can look at a piece for such a long time and still find interesting details that make me smile. oki i'll stop beng weird now but like NEVER DOUBT YOU'RE FREAKING SKILL BRO. (shit i didnt even get to how your animations just break my brain oeuihgo i love)

lolololol dw abt telling me about the cannibalisms piece, i look Specifically disrespectfully at that one. not big into cannibalism but damn dude, there is a Mood to that piece and frankly, something that messed up sort of suits them on their worst days euorhgioeurh i like me a fluff au or a fix-it fic but damn those two can get Dark.

My otps are often rarepairs ;A; i never do it on purpose, im normally jumping headfirst into a more popular ship but then i just See the potential in two other lil guys and im like.... holdup, wait is no one else seeing those two??? AM I THE ONLY ONE WITNESSING THIS? (yes, yes i am). And the hyperfixation begins and its just me alone at a bar with no bartenders so i make my own food. but im a weird lil guy so my cocktails are always strange and im alone at the bar lol. tbh songxue is one of my LESS rarepair rarepairs. like... theres actually fics that i didnt write for them LOL. (there was one fandom where there were 40 fics for a ship and i wrote all 40. i am a sad and lonely lil loser lol)

(scuse me one of my fav artists said they think i'd write my otp well, i can die happy oaierhgoeirh i actually do write ff for songxue but hahaha im still just a silly anon but its rlly good to know that the person i think characterizes them best in the fandom (that ive seen) thinks i would do a good job with them aoeghuihr thankyou for the high praise, i guarantee i dont deserve it)

(sometimes i've wondered if the reason you draw/write them so well is bc you dont ship them? weird take but like, shippers have shipping goggles right? we see what we wanna see a lot of the time. but since you just think they'd be neat standing next to each other (much agree), you actually put thought into their characterizations and personality instead of just "this is how they'd F*CK" or smth similar. and bc the personalities and stuff mean way more to me than sexy stuff (thats the whole reason i ship them! their personalities!) the fact that even your crack stuff has such a good basis in who they are as people makes your content just so good. whereas sometimes i see content by shippers (no disrespect meant, everyone ships in their own way), its very actively ooc, usually for a kink fill, and im just... but what abt their personalities? what abt the whole reason i think they'd be good together if given the chance?! WHAT ABOUT THEM? and then u come around drawing them like that and i just wish more people portrayed them the way you do. this isnt meant as like an anti-smut thing, i like smut, its just that sometimes pwp is just two strangers who happen to have the character names of my blorbos and literally nothing else in common and theyre my BLORBOS. more power to people who like that stuff, i will stay in my lane and bother this poor lovely person who doesnt even like the ship but is kind enough to see their potential to be pals cuz damn im in it for the emotions)

heh heh yeah it means we'd get along well but i like that interpretation too and think it would make a great story!! here's to you becoming more gutsy! (though again you're very free to use an alt or something!)

genuinely why i don't go looking lmao... song lan fans are so fucking strong to have to deal with the shit people have said BUT nowadays the climate seems to be a lot better :D i see lots of thirst for him at least KFHKDJ and my appreciation post of him has 800 notes so that's hopeful at least! but same i don't get it at all (though honestly i will say a lot of character hate stems from shipping. legit.) but yeah regarding xy hate for me it's gotta be for the "right" reasons LMAO

LJHLFHFD ALL THE COMPLIMENTS MY BRAIN CANT TAKE EM!!!! genuinely!!! THANK YOU!!!! i do often tell myself 'your stuff doesn't have to be perfect it just has to spark joy' to feel better about not rendering a piece to hell and back and mostly taking the lazy route, though this year i really wanna branch out and try more! but all of this has shot me in the heart... emotion to me is the most important part of art, and one of my favorite responses to get is laughter, and you don't need a 4K HD piece for that haha BUT LISTEN YOURE NOT WEIRD EVERY ARTIST I KNOW WOULD KILL TO HEAR THIS im gonna frame it. but after ive printed and eaten another copy like wow you think i set the scene ;_; will cry (agsjdhf sorry i really do read everything im just. PROCESSING!!!)

ahaha yeah for sure! i do love me some cannibalism (i am the cannibal friend) but absolutely that was just intended as a very dark place. song lan has Had it (the premise was xy thinking hey, he likes me, let me remove the nails i am sure everything will be fineOHNOOO)

oh dude i have chronic rarepair disease. most of what i ship is stuff i've come up with myself so any content is me + 2 souls maximum who i have managed to drag with me and make content KSGKFJ (case in point, xuechao) i just have this compulsion to do what nobody else has done

(you do deserve it! and dont go looking i wanna keep being the one who portrays them best :p)

and hey maybe because YES!!!! my work almost exclusively stems from personality oh my god thank you for acknowledging that i think that is the highest praise of all... how their personalities gel together is SUPER important for me, shipping or otherwise!! i'm telling you you and i would get along really well since we agree on the fundamentals i think! like yeah there's nothing wrong with some good old self indulgence but ooc takes me out of stuff a fair bit, and trust me i feel like most people would think MY stuff is ooc! but the thing about the strangers with blorbo names made me laugh so hard lhKDHJAfhsg i am so guilty of that in the past, i've read my old stuff and i'm just like damn. i just projected onto these dudes. NO MORE (it is bound to still happen privately but hey, ultimately, write what you want to read)

song lan and xue yang, in the 'if given the chance' realm, have exactly my favorite type of duo dynamism which is why i cannot stop drawing them lol like some funky spin on boke/tsukkomi... generally speaking ">:D -_-" is visually my favorite thing to draw haha and again! i wanna say it's not an all-out global dislike, i just a) understand most people are NOT coming at it from where i am so it doesn't interest me/makes me sad, and B) understand WHY people wouldn't be into it. because wow. um. ouch. that sure is some shit

i am gonna take a moment to plug an author i think you might really enjoy, pomegranites on ao3 (@pometogo on here!) ! i can't speak for Every flavor in there being to your tastes but there are definitely a fair few fics that made me bonkers, namely not easily let go, written for song lan love week :D

[loloisloco]

if the next chapter is better idk what it will be like because WHAT THIS WAS AMAZING i loved the way you wrote Thomas's oblivious ass, and Minho helping him figure it out. Was NOT a fan of Newt being seen as a subject not a human, but i cant even complain because it was so well written.

How did he not see it? How did he not know from the moment Teresa suggested to go back she would pull something?

THOMAS STOP BLAMING YOURSELF, i think he feels guilty, because he was the one who cared about Teresa the most, who trusted her when no one else did and she betrayed that so he feels guilty for not agreeing with them in the first place. I think Thomas believed she was good but also wanted her so badly to be good, he recongised her, she was familiar, and comforting.

His life ended the moment he saw Thomas's blurry figure disappear behind the berg doors,

His life ended when he was sepearted from Thomas, and when he was captured. He's not really a life to anyone anymore, at least not in WCKED, so to everyone around him hes not a life, hes a subject. And to him being tortured every day, isnt a life.

before he was forced to his knees and in a way, never rose back to his feet.

I feel like hes been beaten down so much by WCKED, and hes to hurt, to tired to get back up yet again.

Tommy has come for him.

TOMMY ITS TOMMY NOT THOMAS TOMMY

But none of that matters except the sound of Tommy's voice, his system went into overdrive with positive emotion and through screams he caught himself laughing. Actually laughing.

Laughing with relief or insanity i wonder

Will Thomas come back? Why Newt did not consider that a possibility before, he’ll never know because of course Tommy would come for him. That stupid reckless shank and his “no one left behind” complex despite the danger or recklessness of a rescue, he will always follow suit.

NO he always beleived hed come back, theyd always followed eachother, and Thomas would NEVER leave anyone behind. But after all that time, the doubt starts creeping in.

“He's not here..” His words come out as a shaky exhale, somewhere in the back of his mind he thought Minho might scold him for being stupid and point out where Newt was. His childish wish was not granted

ALL HE WANTED WAS TO SAVE NEWT. when he said it he knew but he still held onto the hope. and then it was gone newt wasnt there.

the anger in Newt’s bones makes it to his throat and eventually drips on his tongue.

THIS THIS THIS THIS OMG I CANT ITS SO AMAZING

“No really I don't. And honestly Thomas? Im really fucking offended. I get you.. Care about Newt but I care about him too!”

MINHO. he defieantly knows, that they are fucking head over heels for eachother but i think here he feels like left. because everyone knows and realises how much newt and thomas care for eachother but its forgotten that Minho would go to the end of the earth to save Newt too. He may not love him in the same way but that doesnt mean he loves him any less. He cant be left behind, forgotten that he needs to save him too.

Newt is just.. Newt! He's got golden hair that glows under the sun and his face and limbs are sunkissed in a way no one else could match, his personality is charismatic and so effortlessly charming but he's still so caring and filled to the brim with kindness, his words sew themselves together so well and give him some type of courage no one else could gift him, his hands are lean yet so strong-

and you still didnt realise you liked him until this moment you oblivious amazing silly boy

HOW ON EARTH DO YOU WRITE SO FAST it means i get to read more which im always grateful for but IM IN SHOCK. LOVED LOVED LOVED THIS CHAPTER AND I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT WHENEVER IT MAY BE. Newt u better get saved soon

My compass: Chapter 1

masterlist

Story summary: Thomas has finally made it to the right arm, but to his shock and dismay Teresa has revealed their location to Wicked. in the crossfire Newt gets kidnapped by Wicked. will Thomas be able to save him and figure out their complicated relationship? or will Newt never return and will Thomas be left yearning for his "best friend" to return?

Chapter summary: Newt gets a bit of spotlight, Thomas being a gay confused mess, Minho being shocked and Thomas's idiocy and helping him out! (also Thomas and Minho acting like brothers because their friendship is so so important to me)

TW LIST: mentions of torture, detail about the results of said torture, implications of depression, canon typical violence. (if i missed any let me know)

Genre: canon divergence (what if Newt was taken instead of Minho?), Friends to Lovers, Angst

Word count: 4.4k

Newt remembers when he first was taken, how it felt as if his soul buzzed along with his nerves as he dropped to the floor when he was hit with that stun gun. The moment he felt uncaring hands grab the sleeves of his jacket he knew, in that moment, he was dead. Even if his heart kept beating and he could still feel the sweat that beat down his forehead he was dead, he is dead in every sense of the word. His life ended the moment he saw Thomas's blurry figure disappear behind the berg doors, his only connection to him and everyone he has ever cared about remaining in a white piece of cloth tied around his wrist. 

Newt remembers putting up a fight. Thrashing and fighting against the soldiers when he could finally feel his legs again, he put up a fight when the soldiers dragged him from the berg and back to the wicked facility he, Thomas and his friends had escaped not even a week prior. The despair that made his bones feel heavy returning like an old friend, enemy? How the days slowly began to blur, hours and days feeling like a montage of a fucked up version of groundhog day. 

Newt slowly but surely became dehumanized. Everyone around him referring to him as “subject” “immune” or “A5” if he got lucky. The last time Newt felt human was when Thomas's hand brushed against his shoulder, the final act of kindness from another, from him, before he was forced to his knees and in a way, never rose back to his feet. 

Shackles that were once cold around Newts wrists have now adapted to his body heat, once a painful but nonetheless a relief from the heat of the stuffy train that reeks of BO now just another solemn reminder he's nothing but a farm animal to his captives. The train rocks in a way Newt would imagine a mother would rock a child to sleep, but Wicked took away any opportunity to even be able to grasp what that would feel like, so this rocking train taking him to yet another palace of blood taking and shocks from tasers might be the closest thing he’ll ever get to that. The journey provides temporary relief from barking soldiers and whimpering children. 

Newt almost didn't pick up on the sound against the rattling of the train, or maybe he didn't believe it. But the sound of a car roaring next to the train was unmistakable, undeniable. Especially when his head wasn't the only to turn, clarifying he hadn't finally lost his marbles. He goes to touch the white cloth that now is used as a bandana, but the shackles stop him. He stopped wearing the cloth around his wrist long ago when he realized cloth and shackles, handcuffs, rope or whatever Wicked wants to restrain him with, don't usually mix well. Plus any hair in his eyes is never good, distracts him. No distraction these days besides the ones his mind takes him to is ever good.

As if on cue his mind pulls him away from the train car and to a memory he has visited many times before. 

“Hey Newt what did you get on the supply run?” Tommy asks, swinging his pack into his lap as he sits next to Newt up against the wall of an old rickety building. The other gladers all spread around the broken room.

“Give me your jacket.” Newt says, extending his hand out. Thomas raises a brow but hands Newt his jacket without hesitation, his pale but strong arms coming into view. “I didn't find much today..” - Newt begins, placing Tommy’s jacket in his lap before placing his pack on top of it. - “just y’know water bottles and such” - Newt waves a hand near his head gesturing as he speaks, pulling out two water bottles. One slightly squashed and covered in sand, only about half of the water left. The other was much cleaner, and filled to the top. 

Thomas’s eyes follow Newt's hands, if anyone else was looking at his hands like that he would be quite surprised. But this subconscious gesture has been the norm since he arrived up in the box, What's with him and bloody hands? “Buttt i managed to find this ripped up dress!” - Newt pulls out a white dress covered in small red flowers, the top completely mangled to bits but the long skirt seems strong enough. 

“What, you gonna make me wear it?” Thomas asks, chuckling. His mostly white teeth glimmering in the harsh sun, years of pampering from Wicked showing. Despite this his smile is no less enchanting.

“Slim it you!” - Newt says with a smile, whacking Tommy in the arm. - “and no I'm not! Your jacket has no pockets. You notice that smartass?” Newt places his pack beside him, gesturing for Thomas to look at his own jacket while Newt rummages around in his bag for a sewing kit he also found. 

“So? I have pants! And what does that have to do with-”

“Shhhh! I'm not done!” Tommy closed his mouth with his hands fiddling in his lap, a habit Newt had picked up on despite only knowing him for about a week. His large brown eyes filled with a curiosity, a curiosity Newt admired. 

“I'm gonna sew you a secret pocket, like some bloody super spy or something. Since you’ve always got something up your sleeves may as well have stuff in your jacket!” Newt realized at that moment that maybe Tommy didn't want Newt messing with his jacket as his eyes went wide, his chocolatey gaze locked on his lean fingers. “Unless you don't want-” 

“You can sew?” The question comes as a little bit of a shock to Newt as most gladers can at least fix holes in clothes with little to no problems, Thomas wasn't in the glade long enough to pick up the skill Newt guesses. 

“Well when you aren't running around fighting grievers sewing is a useful skill in the glade Tommy!” 

Thomas hums quietly as if in a trance, Newt uses his machete to cut a long piece of cloth off, throwing the rest of the mangled useless dress to the side. Cutting a small piece from the strip of fabric he now has and gets to sewing, despite the fact Tommy could be off doing anything else, he instead, leans against Newt's arm and watches as Newt sews on the jacket pocket. Once Newt finishes he ties the rest of the fabric to his wrist. 

“since you're a klutz you’ll probably tear it wont ya tommy?” Newt says softly, turning to face Thomas who was already looking at him. 

“NEWT?!” 

Huh? That's not-

“NEWT!!!!” Newt is pulled from his daydream, was he? No one has called him by his real name since.. His eyes flick to the sound of banging against the train car which he now notice’s has come to a stop. “NEWT ARE YOU IN THERE?!” his voice shouts, desperation and impatience in his tone. Thomas tone. 

“TOMMY?!” He shrieks, it can't be- no way. He looks crazy responding to what is most likely a hallucination but he doesn't care, Thomas should be in the safe haven but he holds onto desperate hope. Newt notices as other kids look at each other and begin to shout and thrash around, it's real. Tommy has come for him. 

“NEWT I'M COMING TO GET YOU ALRIGHT?! JUST HANG IN THERE!! KEEP SHOUTING!!!” A shaky breath escapes his chapped bleeding lips, his eyes widen with real raw emotion except anger since he was taken. Relief. Pure relief at the sound of his voice, tears that aren't of pain flood his eyes and a smile that shows his teeth to anyone who turns to face him. After a moment's daze he takes a deep breath and proceeds to scream his guts out, in between unintelligible screams he would shout out Tommys name. And every so often, he would hear Thomas shouting. 

“MINHO C’MON GET HIM OUT OF THERE!!” of course Minho had tagged along, his smiles grew wider at the thought.

All of Thomas’s shouts and yells were of the same sort, insisting they had to hurry or words of encouragement to others or Newt himself. Newt heard shouts of other children, the sounds of bullets chinking against metal or the sounds of shackles clashing together, especially his own. But none of that matters except the sound of Tommy's voice, his system went into overdrive with positive emotion and through screams he caught himself laughing. Actually laughing. 

-

About an hour later he was still in shackles, no emotion in his body as he sat on his knees against sandy ground. Would he ever feel again? Will Thomas come back? Why Newt did not consider that a possibility before, he’ll never know because of course Tommy would come for him. That stupid reckless shank and his “no one left behind” complex despite the danger or recklessness of a rescue, he will always follow suit. 

Despite the emptiness in his chest, tears fall down into the sandy ground, a wet puddle below him. The shackles on his wrist somehow grew heavier when he realized Thomas got a different train car. The metal digs into his skin, his skin red and raw as it has been many times before in the past.. Oh god when was he taken? 

“Oh no, they're not going anywhere.” Janson's voice makes his stomach drop, the emptiness leaving his bones replaced with rage. Newt looks up at the Ratman with bloodshot eyes and shaky hands.

“Tommy didn't get what he really wanted, did he?” The Ratman taunts, the anger in Newt’s bones makes it to his throat and eventually drips on his tongue. 

“Don't call him that.” He spat, he braced his body for the inevitable. He scrunches his eyes closed as the Ratman raises a hand..

-

The journey from the train tracks back to the right arm's new base may have been the longest period of time in Thomas's life, his back pressed against the top metal of the train car, listening to the loud buzz of the berg above, willing it silently to go faster. The hot sun burning into his skin had no effect on him anymore, not that anything so small could have any effect on him at this moment. Or ever again, because Newt was alive. He was ok. 

Newt’s voice ringing in his ears, hearing his thick accent call him tommy made his heart swell with a feeling he could only describe as floating. Minho lay next to him, a smile beaming as bright as the sun. was Minho floating to? He must be, Newt has that effect after all. Thomas’s hands lay on his stomach, his thumb nail digging into the others cuticles in impatience. Newt would probably scold him for his bleeding fingers and Thomas can't help but sigh at the thought.

“Can you believe Thomas? We did it. We actually saved him!” Minho exclaims, his head rolling against the metal to face him. Thomas turned his head to look at him, Minho's face slightly red and peeling with sunburn. 

“It's so weird.. He's right there!” Thomas says breathlessly, as if, if he spoke too loudly Newt would disappear from the train car. 

“No more late nights for you then!” Minho jokes, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Or sunburns for you!” Thomas bites back, flicking Minho's cheek. Minho hisses and puts his palm on Thomas’s face, shoving him away. Thomas shrieks and props himself up on his elbows to stabilize himself as if he would fall off the metal train car, despite Minho's shove being nothing but light. 

“Dude i could’ve fallen off!!” Thomas whines, shooting Minho a dirty look. 

“Wa wa cry about it ya big baby!” Minho says obliviously, propping himself up on his elbows to look at Thomas. Thomas smirks and Minho's face drops slightly.

“I see Brenda’s having an effect-”

“Slim it or I'll actually push you off!”

-

The moment the metal train car begins to lower Thomas and Minho are sat next to the ladder watching the ground coming closer agonizingly slow. They both came to an agreement that Minho would slide down the ladder, go get the saw to open the door and Thomas gets to walk into the train car first. The moment the ground and train car come into contact Minho has thrown himself down the ladder and doesn't even use his feet, and instead uses his hands to lower himself, bending his knees as he drops to the ground and breaking off into a run towards the nearest building for the saw. 

Thomas put his foot on the first rail of the ladder, then the second one and just jumped mirrored Minho out of impatience, bending his knees as he fell. By the time he ran to the entrance of the train car Minho was already back, using the saw against the metal door. Causing a loud whirring sound to scrap against Thomas’s brain, the longing in his chest unbearable as the seconds ticked by. After what seemed to be the longest 5 seconds of his life the door swung open and Thomas practically fell inside, 

Thomas sucked in a quick breath of shock at the sight of the immunes. 

Thomas knows who Wicked are and what they do to immunes but seeing it right in front of him made his nerves fire up in rage, the teens and children on the train car practically skin and bone, the life sucked out of them. Their skin was pale and sickly as if the sun had never grazed their skin, most adoring dark eye bags and some bloodshot eyes. Thomas slowly walked down the aisle of chairs and about three rows down sat Aris and Sonya, them being in such a brittle state shocked him despite the fact all the immunes looked to be on their last legs. 

“Hey! Hey, you guys ok?” he asks, keeping his voice as low as he can. His hand on Aris’s shoulder, Aris simply just nods while Sonya mumbles 

“Yeah we're fine.”

Thomas’s eyes land on Aris’s face, one of his eyes sporting a deep dark ring of purple. 

“Jesus..” His words escape his lips in a breath as he continues to walk between trembling kids, his eyes scanning for long golden hair. His eyes landed on hands searching for anyone with white cloth tied to their wrists. Would Newt have the cloth anymore? Or would’ve Wicked taken away their final connection? Well he supposes it doesn't matter too much anymore since he's here. 

…

Thomas gets to the end of the train car and turns around, his eyes flicking across the crowd once more as if somehow he would've missed the blonde. His eyes locked with Minho, His eyes somehow darkened a shade once he saw the realization on Thomas's face. 

“He's not here..” His words come out as a shaky exhale, somewhere in the back of his mind he thought Minho might scold him for being stupid and point out where Newt was. His childish wish was not granted as Minho’s head dropped slightly to the ground, avoiding Thomas's gaze. 

-

Thomas had to go alone. Thomas dawned upon this realization the moment Vince rejected his plan, the small sliver in rationality Thomas has left understands why Vince wont charge with him against Wicked guns ablaze. But a large part of him doesn't care. Vince? No vince? He's going. Fuck Thomas would walk to the last city if thats what he had to do. Admittedly Thomas doesn't have much of a plan but he can figure that out along the way he supposes, he just has to get Newt back. No matter the cost. 

His mind swirls in thought as he lays in his hammock, hands on his stomach. The sounds of soft whispers and the occasional giggle forcing his legs to stay put. Even if anyone is suspicious of him he’ll be long gone by morning, he considered bringing Minho. He really did but the mission is dangerous, he can't ask Minho to put his life on the line to rescue someone who's only gone because of his inability to recognize when someone clearly cannot be trusted. How did he not see it? How did he not know from the moment Teresa suggested to go back she would pull something? If he just spoke up and said something maybe his- 

…

Thomas decides at that moment he hates the word friend. He has many people who he would consider a friend, Vince, Harriet, Frypan, Brenda, Aris, Sonya and even Minho despite the fact he's more of a brother than a friend. But for Newt that's not enough to describe the way he cares about him. They certainly are nowhere near close to brothers but something entirely different, that mere thought alone makes his stomach twist with nausea. Thomas cares about Newt in a way he cant and wont care about anyone else, his comforting words affect him in a way no one else ever has, the way his chest swelled at the sound of his voice in a way he doesnt think a simple word could describe. He’d kick down the doors of Wicked headquarters just to see him. 

His brain flicks away from the thought of golden hair once he realizes the room has fallen quiet, he very, to his dismay, slowly pulls himself up and out of his hammock, quietly swinging his bag onto his back and creeping out of the room as to not wake anyone. 

His feet carry him mindlessly down hallways and through doors, the thought of lean arms and a thick accent making the journey not as guilt ridden he thought it would be. His eyes scan the floor as he walks outside to the trucks, the concrete silent against his soft feet. He looks up to the truck and his eyes pull open, the sight almost making him stumble back.

Instead of a lonely truck in the darkness of night he sees a very, very angry Minho leaning up against it, a lamp switched on making his scowl that much harder to ignore. Thomas thinks that even if he was turned around he would feel the hard gaze and know who it belongs to.

“Thomas.” 

“Minho.”

“Don't give me that! Acting as if I'm the one not supposed to be out here!” He uses his foot to kick himself off the car, marching forward to stand in front of Thomas, arms crossed. 

“How DARE you-”  Minho goes to poke Thomas in the chest before Thomas swiftly wacks his hand away. 

“You couldn't ask you to do this Minho!”

“Oh really? Why is that? Enlighten me!”

“We both know why!!” Thomas protests, feeling small under Minho's eyes, does Minho blame him like how he blames himself?

“No really I don't. And honestly Thomas? Im really fucking offended. I get you.. Care about Newt but I care about him too!” wait what? What is he talking about? Thomas’s mind spins in confusion at the implications of Minho’s tone, before he gets the chance to process what the hell Minho is spitting at him Minho sighs and regains his composure, placing his hands on Thomas’s shoulders, bringing him back to the weight of his bag and the harshness that no longer stabs him in Minho’s eyes. Minho’s gaze turns from harsh to kind, inviting..? No. more.. insisting on Thomas to speak. 

“We both know it's my fault he's even gone in the first place. I couldn't ask you to-” 

“What.” Minho says with an anger Thomas has never heard before.

“Basically join me in a- what?”

“What are you talking about.” 

“Y’know.. If I had not trusted.. her.. Newt wouldn't be..” Thomas waves his hand, refusing to actually voice the fact Newt is not present. 

“Are you dumb?” 

“What?!” 

“Thomas.” Minho’s eyes turn very serious, his voice steady. “If you ever say that again I will slap you so hard across the face you will see into your next life. You got that?” Thomas’s bites on his tongue, swallowing any protest along with it knowing Minho would absolutely follow through on his words. 

The darkness in Minho’s eyes dissipates once Thomas gives him a slow nod, patting him on the shoulder and shooting him a smile. 

-

Eventually, Thomas, Minho and Fry were all on the road, Thomas taking the front seat while Fry drives and Minho sleeps in the back, body draped across the seats in a way Thomas is sure wouldn’t have been legal centuries ago. Eventually Minho will swap out with Frypan since Thomas's driving abilities are.. Not the best. 

Thomas shut his eyes a while ago attempting to get some shut eye, listening to the quiet purr of the engine and the darkness of the truck making his eyes heavy, to his annoyance his brain won't allow him to sleep no matter how hard he tries. His mind buzzing with confusion.

“I get you.. Care about Newt-” the silence between the words and how he said it made him want to shake the boy awake and demand to know what the hell he was talking about, because what else could his tone be implying? And if Thomas's assumptions were right, what made Minho think that? Sure the blonde captivated him but is that not just the effect he has? It's not like he had a clear example of the line between friendship and.. What Minho was saying. So how the hell was he supposed to tell what he felt?! Couldn't this all be chalked up to just missing Newt?!

Thomas felt his body tilt to the side as Fry pulled off to the side of the road. He heard Minho grumble and presumably stretch his arms above his head to crack his shoulders as he always does, the car comes to a slow stop and two car doors swing open and close almost in sync, seat belts buckle and the car turns back onto the road but with Minho behind the wheel. Minutes pass agonizingly slow as they have done for this whole car ride till eventually Fry’s light snoring joining the loud truck's engine. 

“What did you mean earlier?” The question flew out of Thomas’s mouth before he got the chance to stop himself. He opens his eyes and turns to face Minho whose very confused face is forward on the dark road. “The.. care thing.” Thomas elaborates, gesturing with his hands nervously. Minho’s face twists deeper into confusion. “I mean you care about him the same way i do-”

“EW DUDE WHAT.” 

“What do you mean what?!”

“...”

“What?”

“Do you not.. know-? Nevermind. Nevermind!” 

“Do not ‘nevermind’ me! Tell me!!” Thomas argues back, annoyance flaring up at Minho’s secrecy. 

“Thomas.. I wouldn't judge you-”

“Judge me for what?!”

Minho clearly resists the urge to clench his eyes shut due to the fact he's behind the wheel, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel. Despite them being close in age as the months went on Minho slowly became like an older brother to Thomas, based on the fact Minho certainly treats him like a younger sibling. The car fills with an uncomfortable silence, occasionally interrupted by Fry’s snoring. Minho seemed like the one bearing most of the discomfort, Minho took a deep breath before repositioning his hands to place one hand on top of the steering wheel and the other gesturing up and down Thomas's body.

“Y’know.. the whole Newt thing you got going on!” Thomas keeps his lips sealed, forcing Minho to elaborate.

“God- do i really need to have this conversation with you?!” Minho says his thoughts aloud, as if Thomas was calling the sky purple, he brings his index finger and thumb to the bridge of his nose rubbing it in clear annoyance. 

“Ok i'll say this in a way your oblivious brain can understand.”

“Owch.”

Minho pays no mind to Thomas's comment and continues “how do you see me?” 

“A brother.” Thomas says with hesitation.

“Feeling’s mutual. How do you see.. Frypan?”

“A friend.” Thomas answers bluntly. 

“Ok.. how do you see Newt?”

“Ok well- the thing is- i care about him and- hes.. just-” 

Thomas gestures with his hands wildly, his eyes flicking to Minho whose lips are pressed into a tight line, repressing a smile and he tries not to laugh. “This isn't funny!” Thomas whines and Minho cracks, bursting out into laughter earning a punch to the back of his seat from Frypan. Minho spends a solid minute laughing at Thomas’s ignorance, Thomas shooting daggers at him as he laughs. Minho gains his composure before saying

“I just-” - Minho sucks in a breath in between giggles - “can't believe it took you this long to realize! I mean.. C'mon that's just sad.”

Now that Thomas is thinking about it.. He definitely thinks about Newt in a different light. But can Minho blame him? Newt is just.. Newt! He's got golden hair that glows under the sun and his face and limbs are sunkissed in a way no one else could match, his personality is charismatic and so effortlessly charming but he's still so caring and filled to the brim with kindness, his words sew themselves together so well and give him some type of courage no one else could gift him, his hands are lean yet so strong-

Thomas stops his train of thought and groans, his head hitting the head rest as he covers his face with his hands. “Minhoooo what do i doooo” Thomas leans forward with his head still in his hands, his elbows digging into his legs. Minho's hand pats his back sympathetically, Thomas can almost feel the pitying smile on his face. 

Minho reassured him that everything would be fine, that they would focus on getting Newt back and the rest could be figured out later. The conversation did not last much longer than that before Thomas insisted he wanted to fall back asleep, when really he just wanted to think in peace. Now that Minho helped him connect the dots it made a lot of sense really, how Thomas didn't notice months ago was beyond him. He didn't just miss Newt, he wanted to feel his presence in its entirety. He missed seeing the way the corners of his eyes would crease when he smiled, he longed for his comforting words, the way his hand would light ablaze when he insisted on helping Newt through the scorch because of his leg, and how the burn of their hands touching wasn't painful but exciting. Newt’s touch, his words, his presence made him hope and wonder about a future he refuses to live without the mop of blonde hair standing beside him to witness. 

What would he do to ensure that future?

He guesses he’ll find out.

PREVIOUS - NEXT

Authors note: this is NOT my best writing and i kinda hate this but whatever, if you guys enjoy it thats all that matters lol!! i can assure you the next chapters WILL be better. i just wanted to focus on where the cloth came from, Thomas's feelings and Thomas and Minho's relationship because that will come into play in future chapters.

my ao3: n0th0ughtz

Tag list!! (wow we got a list now?!): @moonysgoldenstar @ermdotorg @loloisloco @weepinglavenders @icantdoitwithabroken-heart @promisesbutnevertokeep @ssseashell if you want to be added to the tag list you can ask me however, reblog, comment I don’t mind :)

[thetidemice]

this will make NO sense because i wrote it all at like 4am

ok ok so im thinking more about the future kajemac au that @/nodudeshutup came up with. and. i just rly wanna think about how everyone is feeling in it?? because i feel like future kj would get internally REALLY stressed out when 3 kids, one of which identical to her wife, show up at her doorstep, she'd just do a better job of hiding it and keeping a semi-cool demeanor than erin did. on the outside shes like, ok guys, come sit down and explain wtf is happening. but in her brain shes like 'oh my god i can't deal with this, i can't do this without mac, i need her to come home, but if we reveal to small mac that we're married it'll fuck up the future and she'll freak out, i need to call her, but what if this time travel thing has affected her too, what if she's hurt rn????'

she doesnt rly know how she's supposed to interact with them without ripping the space-time continuum apart or something, but they get along fine, even if mac doesn't trust her, so she's being relatively quiet and brooding and making snarky comments, with a few homophobic remarks thrown in for good measure (because of course kj's incapable of not talking about her unnamed wife). kj's like, wow, you were even meaner than i remember, and mac's like 'what's that supposed to mean?' and it's not like she can explain any more, but getting thrown back so hard makes her emotional and 'oh my god kj, you are 42, you can't cry in front of these teenagers, they'll make fun of you.'

and when mac finally comes home with 1988 kj, shes still confused as hell (but relieved) but now future mac's the one panicking because oh my god theres four of them.

she leaves small kj with the other girls to reunite with them (and make eye contact for 1 (one) second with mac, who looks like her insides are on fire and wow, isn't that an interesting piece of carpet that i'm not going to tear my eyes away from for as long as humanly possible now) and goes to the kitchen with *her* kj to ask what the hell is going on, and how did they get here, and are you okay??!? but kj does a good job of calming her down and explaining what little she knows, and they hug for a minute before they're prepared to go back and deal with whatever the fuck is going on in the living room.

and maybe mac sees through the ajar door, and sees what will inevitably be her and kj, being each others' first priority in the face of possibly-the-world-they-know-ending?-or-at-least-getting-fucked-up because theyve grown up to be safe havens for one another. they grew up and they're still best friends, in love or not. maybe she looks back to her kj, negotiating a plan with erin and tiff, and thinks, it may as well be like this. i can't hate kj for a future neither of us can control, because i want us to survive this whole stupid time travel thing, even if this is what happens 30 years after.

she may as well stick with her until this is all over. after that we'll just see what happens - because she can't really process the idea of liking girls at all right now, so she's just going to have to shelve this whole thing until she has the capacity to even try to deal with it, or until she gets a moment alone with kj, to talk about, you know, this.

so, feeling unusually unbrave for mackenzie coyle, she wanders to join the rest of the group and stands awkwardly next to kj, as some sort of peace dove to say, hey, i won't be weird about this if you won't. and maybe she doesn't notice, but kj's biting back a relieved smile. she had been holding her breath for a minute, as soon as she noticed mac walking over, expecting her to want nothing to do with the girl that's probably the catalyst for her lesbian awakening. except it was less of a gentle, fully-rested awakening, and more of a violent, sudden awakening with cold water involved or something. does that make sense?

mac has no idea, but kj's not quite as confused as she is. believe you me, she's still incredibly confused, but after she touched that monster thing, it... sort of lines up with finding out she's going to marry mac? she'd never admit it, and she's ashamed that this is what she's worried about, but the biggest thing on her mind right now is 'wow. i really hope that vision comes true, then.'

[beetleboo]

long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked. 

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

[daaziscoolbesties]

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42,  "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to.  foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe?  the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor"  from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

[mayaree-darling]

Hii! I was wondering if you can write a scenario where the reader is a friend of Shinobu's and with her she teases Giyuu alot, which kinda has him annoyed with her. But one day, Giyuu is upset about something (probably his self doubt or him being tired of getting targetted at) and the reader finds them. At first Giyuu doesnt take them seriously but eventually tell her his situation and realizes that maybe he likes her? Im sorry if its too much, but if you do consider this, TSYM and take ur time!

Giyuu Tomioka x Bully(ish)! Reader

A/N: Haha first of all, no probs anon I gotchu covered. Second, of course this was fucking long because it wouldn’t be me if it wasn’t haha. And third, this bitch can’t read for shit because I read your request like 5 times and still didn’t get that you asked for a scenario and I legit wrote a full BONUS for a long fic before I finally saw “scenario” (I usually write the ending first just to get a grasp of how the story will go). So, yay! I guess you got a bonus haha I hope I did your request justice, though! Thanks for requesting OwO

＝＝✿＝＝｜✧••❀••✧｜＝＝✿＝＝

the Pillars are hanging around HQ as back-up for the moment because the demons have surprisingly gone quiet 

good for everyone except Giyuu apparently

coz Pillar hangouts meetings mean two of the biggest thorns on his side being there

namely, you and Shinobu

“Oh? It’s Tomioka!”

* cue Giyuu trying to speedwalk away *

boii is so used to out-speedwalking people he almost gets a heart attack when you suddenly link arms with him

(being the Thunder Pillar pays off for being Sonic Fast™)

Before he knows it, you and Shinobu are flanking him

“Eh? Were you trying to ignore us, Tomioka?”

“yes no.”

“Right! Of course you weren’t.”

“I bet you’re glad we came to talk to you. After all, no one else would, right?”

(Giyuu’s tempted to stab himself right then and there if you weren’t holding on to his dominant arm)

“Shinobu-chan, don’t be so mean to him you’re going to hurt his feelings.”

“Oh, sorry, Tomioka-san. I didn’t think you had feelings.”

“...can I go now?...”

it mostly goes on unless you’re occasionally called out one by one on small scale missions

one day, you’re bored around the Ubayishiki Estate when you see Giyuu sitting alone by a stream

and since Shinobu’s on a mission, you decide to “hang out” with him

(you’re not blind, though, and you can tell there’s something different about him)

(he looks a bit… jittery?)

“Hello, Tomioka!”

“Go away.”

Giyuu is honestly thankful it’s just you this time since you’re relatively “tamer” than Shinobu (still didn’t want either of you around, though)

“I said go away.”

“Did you really think I’d listen?”

you sit next to him and you’re a bit surprised when he doesn’t shove you away or try to walk off

“Aww, am I growing on you, Tomioka? I’m touched~”

normally, Giyuu would muster a glare at you at most

(Tomioka-san, why are you glaring at me like that?)

(Maybe he's hoping you’ll spontaneously combust into flames.)

(Oh, I see. Well, you’ll have to try harder.)

(May I suggest asking Rengoku-san for help, Tomioka?)

But when he turns to you, the look on Giyuu’s face is so sad you’re rendered quiet for a few seconds. 

“Tomi-... Giyuu, are you okay?”

“If you’re done, go away.”

You keep pestering him (your voice much softer than how you’ve ever talked to him) and just when you think he wasn’t going to crack-

“I promise to hear you out! No jokes of any kind, whatsoever. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

that was probably pretty childish for you to say, but before you can take it back, Giyuu turns to you, wide-eyed and

Oh shit.

You stare in horror as tears start falling down his face 

tHE WATER PILLAR IS CRYING AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO???

but Giyuu pulls at your arm before you can leave and get help or some shit

“No. I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

hE SAYS THAT BUT????

you  wait for him to calm down a bit before asking any questions

“I’m fine.”

“Obviously, you’re not.”

“I am.”

“Who the fuck cries when they’re okay, Tomioka.”

he’s quiet again, so you try one more time before completely calling quits

“I meant it. I’m all ears, no jokes. I promise.”

He stares you down for a few good seconds before deciding you were serious (for once)

And he couldn’t exactly let you leave thinking he’d gone completely mad, crying out of nowhere like that

Boii must be desperate or something if he’s telling you shit

“It’s my older sister’s death anniversary today. I was doing fine pushing the reminder away but my sister used to do the “cross my heart” thing when she’d promise me something. So when you did it, I just…”

Oh shiiiiiittt

You don’t know what to say, but you don’t try to say anything either because you don’t think this words would be good for something like his problem

(plus he’d probably take the words of his bully by a grain of salt)

“Come on. Get up,” Giyuu’s surprised when you start tugging at his arm. “You haven’t eaten breakfast yet, right? Of course you haven’t. You’ve been sitting here ever since Oyakata-sama called off the Pillar Meeting. We’re gonna get some food. Now let’s go.”

before Giyuu knows it, you’ve dragged him to the kitchen, already preparing a meal for the both of you.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like, Tomioka? I’m cooking.”

“No, I mean, why are you-”

“Food’s ready!”

Every time he tries to ask what you’re doing exactly, you distract him with something else

You drag him around the headquarters and to the neighboring village the whole day

You helped train some lower-ranked Slayers, did some favors for the villagers, tried some of the local delicacies

If Giyuu tried to run off, you’d drag him back

At one point you carried him to your next destination and it was at that point he decided to suck it up and let it happen

After all, it felt nice to help others once in a while and it distracted him from-

Oh. oh.

Was… was that what you were doing? You were distracting him from feeling sad…?

Well, if you could hear his thoughts then DING DING DING he was completely right!

You felt a bit bad since he pretty much started crying because of you and among other things

By sunset, y’all had to take a breather because you’ll be deployed to your assigned villages for stake-outs by nightfall 

“So, uh,” Shit. How do you talk again? “I hope you had fun today.”

Giyuu didn’t know. Was it fun? It was.. Okay?

“Don’t carry me ever again.”

“I don’t want to anymore. You’re heavy.”

Giyuu’s surprised you’re suddenly quiet when all he’s known you do is talk. 

“Sorry.”

Oh. He wasn’t expecting that.

“If this is about earlier, it’s-”

“No. Not just earlier. Sorry, in general. For making fun of you.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not” God you were persistent. “I just… I didn’t like seeing you sad or alone. So I tried making fun of you to get a reaction. You never smiled, but I thought seeing you angry or annoyed was better than nothing, so… That doesn’t excuse the stuff I’ve said. I’ll stop now, I promise.”

You… didn’t like seeing him sad or alone…?

You’d tease him just to rile him up? Just so he wasn’t sad?

That was a little fucked up, to be honest, but it was well meant enough. 

It was also the most thoughtful thing someone had done for him in a while no matter how fucked up your tactics were 

“Thank you. For today.”

You look up from twiddling your thumbs and smile. 

“No problem! Now come on. It’s time for dinner!”

Giyuu blinks because this is the first time you smile at him like that. No jokes of any kind, whatsoever.

You both had a long way to go, but it was definitely a start. 

“Let’s go, then.”

Maybe you weren’t as bad as he thought you were.

❀BONUS (bcoz I am dumbass)❀

You hung your head down in shame, a smile frozen in place as you chose to stare at Shinobu’s feet than meet her judging stare.

“Are my sandals that interesting, (F/N)-chan? I can show you where I bought them, if you want,” Shinobu asked in her usual singsong voice, making a shiver crawl down your spine. Ah, so this is what other people felt like. You were mostly part of the teasing side of a conversation with Shinobu than the one being teased. It was rather intimidating. “But I’d appreciate it if you’d answer my question first.”

“S-Shinobu-san, please calm down,” Mitsuri said, but her words weren’t quite that effective when she was cowering behind you.

You weren’t getting out of this easily, that was for sure. Might as well face it head-on.

“Sorry, Shinobu-chan, what was your question again?” you asked, straightening your posture, the same annoyingly pleasant smile on your face. Shinobu’s smile seemed to widen at the sight whilst Mitsuri paled at both of your auras. 

“How on earth did you go from this-” Shinobu motioned to the two of you, before pointing to a certain group across the courtyard. “-to that?”

You mustered the will-power to casually look over to where she was pointing, immediately regretting your decision as you tried to subtly calm your suddenly rapidly beating heart. Giyuu was flanked by most of the male Pillars, most likely going through the same shit you were going through right now. Sanemi had walked out earlier, saying something about “too much shit happening in one day”. Obanai had stuck around to make sure this wasn’t another elaborate prank by you.

It’s been months since you and Giyuu had built a sort of friendship that day you dragged him all around the place. But after today’s Pillar Meeting, you and Giyuu had just announced you were going out. Not even a minute after the words escaped your mouth, Shinobu had pulled you aside with a panicked Mitsuri following close in your wake.

“Shinobu-chan, I swear, if I knew how to answer that, I would’ve told you already,” you sighed, trying to ignore how warm your face had gotten. 

Shinobu sighed, “I would’ve appreciated the heads up. I thought we were friends...?”

“No, of course, we are!” you quickly held her hands in yours, panic and worry evident in your face. “It’s just that… I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“You could’ve tried using words,” Shinobu deadpanned, making your face flush in embarrassment. “What were you afraid of? It’s not like I’d bite your head clean off.”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now, though…?” you mumble to yourself, but Shinobu slips one of her hands free from your grasp and bonks you in the head. Oh, she heard.

“No, it’s just that…” you look away, the shame overtaking your body. “I was scared you wouldn’t agree to it...”

“Th-that’s not true! We’re really happy for you!” Mitsuri cut in, nodding her head vehemently, before turning to Shinobu. “Right, Shinobu-san?”

To your horror, Shinobu doesn’t answer immediately. She’s staring at the ground thoughtfully. You and Mitsuri exchange looks once for every second that Shinobu doesn’t respond. The longer she doesn’t say anything, the more you could hear your heart plummeting. 

“Are you happy with Tomioka-san, (F/N)-chan?” Shinobu suddenly asks, and you turn to find her practically staring right into your soul. She wasn’t smiling. 

Your breath hitches at your throat. But you thought about the past months with Giyuu - bumping into one another after missions and going out to eat before he finally got the courage to ask you out. It was awkward at times, yes, since you’d find yourself talking to yourself majority of the time. And you’ll admit that you might have pissed him off as you always did at other times. But he’d still ask you to go out to the village and you’d still go with him. 

It was the most fun you’ve had with someone besides Shinobu in your whole life. 

“Yeah,” Shinobu and Mitsuri were caught off-guard by the loving smile that overtook your features, eyes twinkling as you looked at the both of them. “I am.” 

Shinobu sighed, slightly resigned, but her smile was one of the most genuine you’ve seen in a while. “Then it’s not like I can do anything about it, huh? If you’re happy, then that’s all I care about.”

You pull Shinobu into a hug, Mitsuri glomping the both of you soon after. 

“But,” Shinobu whispers, and you don’t have to look at her face to see her expression. Her seething aura was enough to scare you and Mitsuri. “If he makes you sad for even a split second, they’ll never find his body. Understood?” 

“Y-yes, Shinobu-chan,” you answered. You doubt Giyuu could make you sad, but you pray for his safety anyway. 

Mitsuri pulls away from the hug, as do you, and the Love Pillar looks at you, eyes sparkling.

“So, (F/N)-chan, how did you guys fall in love?” Mitsuri probes, poking at your cheek. “You always used to tease him, right? How’d it happen? How’d you know you loved him? Tell me, tell me!” 

How..? You rubbed at your temple, thinking hard. 

Was it after your talk? Or when you bumped into him at that ramen stand? Was it when he stole your kill and he looked so cool you almost forgot what he did? Or was it-

“Oh!” you snapped your fingers. Shinobu and Mitsuri were surprised when you suddenly turned to the other group. “Giyuu!”

The Pillars - your group and Giyuu’s - watched as you waved your hands around comically, almost like you were trying to gain his attention (despite how he was already looking your way) with a wide smile on your face. Then you cupped your hands around your mouth like you were going to yell, but you only mouthed out a couple of words, exaggerating each syllable for him to properly read.

I love you.

The Pillars were already surprised at the news that loud and social (L/N) (F/N) was going out with quiet and cold Tomioka Giyuu, but the cherry on top was watching as the Water Pillar turned a lovely shade of red before giving you a small smile and turning away, almost shyly.

While Uzui and Kyoujuro had thrown arms around Giyuu and proceeded to give him noogies, you turn and watch as Shinobu and Mitsuri exchanged looks, no words passing between them, only sharing the same resigned but impressed expression-

Ah. That’s a fair reason. 

＝＝✿＝＝｜✧••❀••✧｜＝＝✿＝＝

✨ Masterlist ✨ 

🌙 Disclaimer: Characters are not mine and belong to their respective creators. Their portrayal is merely my own interpretation of them and may not be accurate to their intended characterization. I stake no claim to the original works, only to the ideas and plot of the fictitious stories I’ve written them into.

[redrabbitspod]

This is in no way meant to be rude or disrespectful and I am fully aware that you can do whatever you please but I feel like Neil is getting so out of character. He clearly started to develop more of an own personality but he definitely has been through so much and he is just so..cheery and happy and clingy all the time(which if you’re like that is in no way wrong or bad) and now he reminds me so much of Nicky in AFTG. It’s really hard for me to still see Neil.

OOC: This is very long, and while we think everything leading up to it is super important to our thought process (and yes this is something we’ve thought about) the bit in bold is the heart of the point we try to make. (Please read the whole thing though!)

Hey, I’m actually really happy that you sent this in because I’ve been wanting to talk about it. I know that there’s a post going around that we both wholeheartedly agree with about Neil reaching far past ooc and becoming very ‘fem’. Jeni and I had a really long talk about this because we were worried that our Neil would be perceived or mistaken to fit in that trope. And while I think your concern is EXTREMELY valid (note: people can write the characters however they want. It’s fanfiction, they can do as they please, like you said, we just did not want to go that direction), I have a few points as to why I disagree. 

On surface I definitely get that. Idk if you’ve read the entirety of RRP, but I know for those of you that just read the asks (Im sure there are a lot), it DEFINITELY seems that way. But we went into RRP right off the bat letting people know that these characters will fundamentally be different. In Andrew’s case, we know he’s extremely soft now and we bring that up a LOT in the fic. Both himself acknowledging it and all the other characters around him. But we went in knowing he was going to be very different from canon - mainly because we took out the plotline that he was ever put on meds. In Wish You Were Here, the story we are writing post-season 2, we will be mentioning that and how we twisted it. Because in canon, that shaped his entire character. The medication changed the physiology of his brain and we hated the fact that something so abhorrent was forced upon him by the courts that we didn’t do it. And as a result, Andrew’s character is completely different because he’s able to tap into emotions that were blocked in canon. He’s able to grow in ways that he was not able to before and besides the fact that this is set a good while after college and especially his sophomore year that we saw in canon, he was going to change. We definitely know that them admitting that they love each other, making strides in their relationship both physical and mental, opening up, expressing, for his character may seem extremely ooc for some, but we had to take into account what would’ve happened if we took the thing that shaped his character in canon away. I hope we’ve done him justice. 

Now onto Neil. Neil we work over a LOT. And when Jeni brought this up to me because of the post, there were glaring things in my mind that automatically said no. This doesnt apply to our Neil even though to some it may seem that way. Here’s what we’ve done at least very consciously to make sure that our Neil holds integrity to his canon character, that he holds merit and a backbone to back up how he’s grown throughout our series. 

From day one, we knew that they knew each other. We knew that an event from the past not only shaped how Andrew approaches life, but how Neil does as well. Childish sentiment and nostalgia kept Neil in Arizona for so long, which we imply throughout season 1 and start the ball rolling in the first chapter. For the both of them, they held onto the boy they met at the Grand Canyon through everything they’d been through. When shit got tough, it was each other they thought of. And on some wild whim, Neil hoped one day Andrew would walk through the Book Nook’s doors and he’d see him again. Not because Neil had a crush, because he didn’t. But because Andrew was the embodiment of strength for him. 

New York was really important to us. Neil standing his ground and letting Andrew know exactly what he’d done to him, was what the entirety of Season 1 and EVEN season 2 culminated and came back to. Neil being able to say no, fuck you asshole, and always express exactly how he was feeling, was so vitally important to us. ESPECIALLY when it came to Andrew. Those few weeks of New York we wanted to build a bridge if you will. Andrew’s intentions were always genuine and well-meaning and Neil knew that, but survival instincts and what’s been ingrained in him stuck. They started to have a little give when he came to realize that he felt something for the man before him. But he never lost that fight for himself. That HE has to ALSO be okay. And I think we see a lot in that trope of Neil that he loses the fight, the backbone, the integrity that makes his canon character so compelling (even if he is a martyr). 

One thing we worried people would misinterpret was how fast we pushed their characters together. We definitely get that. In our world we didnt really have the luxury of really stretching it out like some may have, just because we were working with real-time. And honestly? As we wrote, the drive to push them together because they were so connected and intertwined just fell genuinely and organically. For us, it only made sense and not because of canon, but because of the story we’d written already. It made sense to us for Andrew to be the one to hold himself back and Neil be the one reaching out - Neil be the one exploring and beginning to recognize what want and really, agency over himself AND his wants, was. Neil was the one to ask for their first kiss here, Neil was the one to initiate them all afterwards, Neil was the one that asked Andrew to touch him, Neil was the one that asked what they were in Arizona, Neil was the one to bring up sex. And in return, Andrew was peeling away layers of himself, feeling accepted, and wanted, and understood in ways he’d never been before. And honestly? Feeling honored that they were both experiencing emotions in ways that they both never felt before. We see their relationship has an equal give and take, a push and pull. And I’m saying all of this because it’s honestly and truly really important for why we’ve made Neil’s character the way that he is. 

Going into season 2, we knew that happiness could not last long. They both had things to sort out, they both had hurdles to hop over, bridges to cross, whole fucking oceans to swim. Before season 2 started, before we had anything written or really even solidly planned, we knew they had to break up. Jeni even had the scene written back in either july or august. We knew that in order to continue trying to give integrity to their characters and relationship, how far they’d grown but also that growth is not a linear path, we needed to break them up. And in the lead up to that, we made sure that Neil was not only looking out for Andrew or trying to, but that he was looking out for HIMSELF. Unlike in canon, he didnt automatically have the foxes - not in his head at least. Of course he knew he had a home there, he knew that he had friends, but they weren’t like canon because he didnt grow WITH them like he did in canon. In his mind, he really only had Andrew and if there was no Andrew, why stay? And when their fight happened we made sure that Neil had value enough in himself, care for himself, love for himself AND for Andrew that they couldn’t let this go on any longer. Neil left because he knew he deserved better. He knew Andrew needed help and he couldn’t provide it. And he held onto that. In fact, Andrew even held onto it himself: 

“Is there no hope, then?” Andrew asked, unable to help himself.

Neil sighed and Andrew was grateful that he at least didn’t pretend that he didn’t know what Andrew meant.

“I don’t know, Dr- Andrew.” Was it possible for his chest to hurt even more? He wanted to curl in on himself, but settled instead for clenching the sharp corners of the pack of cigarettes in his pocket into the palm of his hand. He watched as Neil bit the inside of his lip and that little indent appeared. Maybe he feels it, too . “Part of me wants to say fuck it all and let’s just go home. I hate this... But I hate what you’ve been putting me through these last couple of weeks even more. I can’t do that again,” he stopped talking once more and inhaled a shuddering breath. “You broke my heart, Andrew. I know I sound dramatic and stupid, but I don’t know how else to say it and - I don’t know how to do this, for fucks sake.” He finally turned to him, but the eye contact was brief and before it was even there, it was gone. “I came into this knowing nothing about relationships and I know even less about breakups. I don’t know how to navigate this.”

“You think I do?” Andrew asked. He didn’t mean  for it to sound so bitter, but there it was.

“I don’t know with you,” Neil shrugged. “I feel like you keep everything so close to your chest, that there are whole sections of you I’m missing. And listen, I don’t blame you. You should be able to choose what you want to share. But I can’t help that it makes things hard when you’re falling apart and I don’t know why...”

Andrew let go of the box and put both of his hands in his lap. Grinding his teeth together, he heard the beginning hum of Bee’s buzz , but took a deep breath to try and keep her at bay. Clearing his throat, he looked back to the stadium and that stupid orange fox paw, before he murmured, “What if I offer you a piece?” - suddenly and quickly said, it was as if his mouth was trying to outrun his mind, despite the second he took to contain it. He’d known this would eventually come - that he would have to do this. And besides, Neil deserved an explanation, even if they never got back together.

“Andrew-”

“I’m not offering with hopes that we’ll get back together right now, Neil. I’m working through shit the best I can. Therapy is helping, but I know it’s a process. I just know you deserve an explanation. And I haven’t wanted to tell you because it’s fucking horrific, but I was also afraid that it would send me even further down the spiral if I talked about it. Now that I have a space to vent through, I don’t think I’m so afraid of the fall.”

This part was so important to us for both Andrew and Neil’s character. And in the entire build up to the break up and directly after, Neil held onto the fact that they needed to talk. He kept bringing it up. Because he knew that if they didn’t it would escalate just like it did before. 

“I wouldn’t risk being with you again if I didn’t think things would be different. I’m not better and to be honest? I probably wont ever be better. I’ve spent my entire life dealing with my shit by myself because that’s just how it was. I’ve avoided relationships because I never trusted anyone with my baggage and I didn’t think it’d be fair to pile it on someone anyway. So when it comes to talking about shit - I’m not used to that. Bee was the only person I’d ever told everything to, and she doesn’t even know all of it.”

“I know that,” Neil said, leaning forward as if to show Andrew how much he actually understood. If that was the case, Andrew believed him. “I know you, Andrew. I would never force you to talk about something you don’t want to. That’s not what I’m trying to do. But , I need you to work with me, and if not me, someone else. Don’t take it out on me when you’re going through shit that neither of us can control. It’s not fair and it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong and I can’t fix it.”

Now. Now we’re up to your points. I promise all of this was important for me to explain, because I know there’s literally SO MUCH that we’ve written, that shit happening now can get in the way of everything that’s happened before to lead up to this. 

We fully recognize that Neil is definitely happy. But he’s not happy-go-lucky and we tried really hard to make sure he didn’t lose his integrity - his backbone - the things that made Neil, Neil. 

Something I realized throughout this series was that I was getting worried that the focus of season 2 was so heavily on Andrew. I was seriously worried about that. But then I realized that Season 1 was focused solely on Neil. Season 1, Neil was a fucking wreck. It was Matt AND Andrew comforting him, Matt and Andrew bringing him down, Matt and Andrew trying to protect him, take care of him, find him, search for him, all of that. But even through Neil’s horrific anxiety and all the bad shit that happened, it was still Neil that pushed himself up from the ground, pulled Lola back, and gave Andrew the in. It was Neil that fought with the doctors and nurses to see Andrew and make sure he was okay. Even still afterward though, it was Neil discovering and Neil understanding and a lot of Neil, Neil, Neil. 

Season 2 is heavily focused on Andrew. We’ve already seen Neil’s story and his growth. Its Andrew’s turn to try and again, build his bridge to getting better. But with that, it was Neil that made the strides to speak and handle Ichirou, it was Neil that figured out things with his uncle, it was Neil that ultimately had the gun, brought Andrew for practice - took it out and demanded Andrew get behind him this time. It was Neil that looked Andrew in the eyes as the cops patted them down and desperately tried to tether them together.  It was Neil that kept reassuring Andrew they were going home. It was Neil that snapped the moment the cop tried to put his hands on Andrew to show them where their things were when they left the prescient, and ANDREW that allowed himself to be pulled into Neil’s arms in that moment, because he knew that he was the one thing that was SAFE. It was Neil that held Andrew that night and Andrew that LET himself be held as he broke down. 

That was one chapter ago. And we really tried to illustrate at the end that they have a life ahead of them now. They have a future - a future that is spread out and it’s bright and full of possibilities. They have a future where they can do what they want. They have a FAMILY. They have nieces, Aaron, Kate, Bee, the entire TFN team. Neil had nothing and now he has something. He has hope. 

Promise Im coming down to the end omfg. This is why our Authors and End Notes are so fucking long i swear to fucking god. 

This BTP chapter, we wanted to explore that fucking unbridled happiness. That elation of fuck - we have the world out in front of us. We don’t have any killers on our backs, Hailey is safe, Robin is safe, Jean is out, the Moriyama’s are taken care of, Stuart isn’t begging Neil to join the Hatford Branch, Aaron and Kate might be moving back to South Carolina, they’re married and all of that isn’t terrifying. It’s COMFORTING. So yes, this BTP chapter was bright and cheery. Neil was most certainly happy and showing it. Jumping on the bed, kisses all around, getting excited over ZOO BABIES and a ZOO CHOO train. But just because we show this side of him where he gets to go on a road trip and experience real and true fucking freedom for the first time, doesn’t mean that we’re all of a sudden shedding everything that we’ve built for his character. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but I mean it when I say we take the characters, the integrity of the characters, very, very seriously. Also in this chapter, Neil takes a homophobic asshole to task and not in the way that a lot of people do, but by quietly hinting at the threat because Neil doesn’t need bells and whistles. In fact, he even talked about how being happy was something his mother frowned upon: 

Because the way he looked at Neil when a butterfly landed on his finger or when he snuggled up to a goat in the petting zoo let Neil know that Andrew was happy. And he was happy.  That was something Neil never really had in his life. His mother didn’t care if he was happy, only that he was alive . In fact, the less happy he was, the fucking better. By her logic, he was less likely to go rogue if he didn't feel like there was something to be happy about outside of her. 

Neil’s finally had a moment to enjoy and let go and we know exactly how that can come off, but we have an entire future planned for them and the book they’re about to explore. Spoiler Alert: It won’t be all “butterflies and rainbows”. But all of this does not mean that all of a sudden we’re giving in to tropes and changing his character entirely because of one chapter. RRP and it’s characters mean too much to us. 

So I definitely get where you’re coming from and I’m so fucking sorry this is so long omfg. And I respect your view because we definitely worried that people would see them like that. But we have a reason for almost everything we do in this fic and really, we just wanted to see the boys happy here. We don’t believe he’s like Nicky and we don’t believe he’s clingy, but everyone interprets these characters differently, and you’re certainly entitled to that opinion. We hope this just makes our thought process on Neil’s development a little clearer. - The Creators

[book-of-charlie]

Zukka Goes to a Ball

Hi, this was supposed to be a fluffy oneshot, but then i wrote out the bullet points, and if I write it later I will add a link to it here but for now it’s gonna be a bullet point fic lads, enjoy

(also I wrote this at like 2 am so I’m sorry for the inevitable spelling mistakes and slight rambling)

~~

AU where Iroh took the throne after Lu Ten died, Ozai was cast out for disrespecting Azulon, Zuko and Azula and Ursa had the option to stay and so they did and Zuko and Azula (especially) are better for it, and so Iroh did all the good shit, opening up trade routes and rebuilding the nations and removing the laws that outlawed homosexuality

Aang is still found when Katara and Sokka are out fishing, but the village is being rebuilt, the men are home, and with the Northern Water Tribe’s help, the two tribes have pooled their resources and customs together to preserve the customs they have/had, but also listened to people like Yue, Sokka, and Katara to see what should be done/changed to help make the future better

The customs mean that Sokka and Katara now have the labels of Prince and Princess of the Southern Water Tribe, just like Yue 

But the customs of arranged marriage and waterbending teachings are looser, so Katara is taught by Pakku, who marries their grandmother and they grow up with him as a grandfather

Kya is still dead, the last raid happened right before Iroh took the throne

Aang and Katara spent some time together, fell in love, have been together ever since

Yue and Sokka were engaged (and in love), until the moon thing happened; it happened bc Zhao was a follower of Ozai, and Ozai has gained a group of supporters who prefer Sozin’s, Azulon’s, and Ozai’s ways to that of Iroh’s - and Zhao snuck into the Northern Water Tribe and killed the fish, and Yue gave her life to save it

Sokka is devastated, and the Water Tribes are ready for war, but still hope for peace after so much devastation

Iroh, Hakoda, and Arnook meet to try and solve these things without war, and Iroh explains what happened in the past with Azulon and Ozai, and why the Northern Water Tribe was attacked

The three leaders decide that an all nations ball should be held, and that a union between the Fire Nation and the Water Tribes would be the best way to smooth things over, and to show solidarity

So its decided that either Katara or Sokka must marry Zuko or Azula

Katara is in love with Aang, and so Sokka knows he must be the one to marry into the Fire Nation Royal Family

He talks about this to katara, who thanks him like hell for not separating her and Aang (not that she expected him to, but it’s a relief)

Aang finds out and thanks him too, and tells him that as the Avatar and as the only representative for the Air Nation, hes been invited and that bc sokka is his family too he will smite Azula or Zuko if they hurt him

He knows Aang wouldn't hurt a fly (seriously, how is he a vegetarian in the freaking South Pole), but he appreciates that Aang and Katara will be there to watch his back

he’s not too upset about being the one to marry bc he knows his sister will be happy, but honestly hates that this is happening at all bc Yue is dead

katara and aang distract him from these thoughts by asking him wether he think’s he’ll be drawn to the prince or the princess (bc sokka is bi and both have known that for ages)

he’s not sure, say’s he’ll see

In the fire nation, Iroh talks to Ursa, and they both talk to Zuko and Azula

They dont know about Aang and Katara, so Zuko and Azula talk about both Katara and Sokka

Azula is still a bit manipulative, but is working on it, and Zuko trusts her enough to tell her that he hopes that he doesn’t have to marry the Southern Princess

Azula asks why, and Zuko admits he likes boys

Azula is silent for a bit, and then says that she hopes she wont have to marry either one of them because she, Ty Lee, and Mai are dating

Zuko swears that she won’t have to stop dating them, that he will be the one to marry

azula and ty lee and mai are v grateful and vow to back him up and kick water tribe ass if whichever one he marries hurts him

in other news, Suki is at the ball as Earth King Kuei’s plus one/bodyguard, and she and azula hit it off so Suki ends up eventually dating Mai and ty Lee and azula as well

back to our regularly scheduled program

Before the ball, Sokka is getting ready with Chief Arnook (Hakoda is getting ready with Bato bc they dating bc I said so)

Sokka says “i loved her, you know. And I will do this for our tribes, and even if I do learn to love whichever of them I’m to marry, I’m not sure I can ever stop loving her, and I want you to know that I did.”

And hes awkward about it, but Arnook hugs him, and says “She loved you so much, Sokka. And she would want you to be happy, as I’m sure you know.” Then he pulls back.

“I know we are technically two separate tribes, but I want you to know, I still consider you a son.” Sokka cries a little, and nods, happy that he has the blessing of the man who was supposed to be his father in law. Sokkas just happy that he can still have that, and smiles at Yue as she rises to look over the ball

Shes smiling cause she knows whats about to happen, and does indeed wish sokka to be happy as he can and will be

Hakoda and Bato come to wish Sokka good luck, bc Sokka and Katara and Aang already talked to them about how Katara and Aang intend to stay together, 

Hakoda mentions how proud he is and sokka has to wipe a few tears from his eyes

Iroh and Ursa know the same thing about Zuko and Azula and Mai and Ty Lee, and both wish Zuko luck as well

Iroh makes sure to say how proud he is, and that Zuko is an honorable man

zuko def isnt crying, nope, but he wipes his tears away and carries on 

So Azula and Katara are both planning on pushing Zuko and Sokka towards each other, but honestly there doesnt need to be any pushing

The ball attendees, excluding the royals of each Nation (and the Avatar), get to the ballroom, and the doors open for the royals (who are all announced by name), and of course everyone knows what the ball is for (security is quadrupled, from all the nations)

First comes Fire Lord Iroh, followed by Lady Ursa

Next comes in King Kuei

Next is Chief Arnook

Then Hakoda and Bato

Then Zuko and Azula

Then Aang

And lastly, Sokka and Katara

Zuko and Azula are standing by Iroh’s throne, and as the water tribe royals walk in, Sokka and Zuko make eye contact

And both are so smitten with each other

And at some point, it is asked that at least one of the young fire nation and water tribe royals dance together

And Zuko and Sokka look at each other and grasp each others hands and dance

its a slow waltz

And they just look so right together, the two princes

And they go out on the balcony and talk

Zuko says he wants to get to know sokka better, and sokka agrees

But is hesitant still, and asks zuko if he knows why the ball was happening

Zuko kinda shrugs, and says “there was an attack on the NWT, by firebenders loyal to my father, whos a huge asshole and im glad hes not on the throne. Uncle wanted to prove that hes not his brother, which leads to me having to marry, well, you.” 

Sokka nods. “So they didn't tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Zuko asked, confused

“The attack on the NWT. The mission was to kill the moon spirit.” Zuko gasped, quickly checking that the full moon was in the sky, which it was. He knew what it meant, what would have happened to the waterbenders.

“They didn’t succeed, though, clearly.” He says, trying for comforting. Sokka laughed, harshly, without humor.

“They did, actually. Zhao - former Commander, now Admiral of Ozai’s followers - he killed it. My fiance, Princess Yue of the Northern Water Tribe, had a little bit of life from the moon spirit in her. To save us all, she decided to, according to her father, give it back.”

Sokka looks over to Zuko, who’s horrified

“So they’re expecting you to marry me? That’s kinda fucked up, especially if you loved her as much as it sounds like you do.”

Sokka nods. “Look, Zuko, I like you. I can tell already, I do. But,” and here he looks up at the moon, at Yue, “I will never stop loving her.” Looks back to Zuko “She will always have a part of me, and I need you to understand that if we’re supposed to marry each other.”

Zuko nods, understanding entirely. “It wasnt fair, and I would never ask you to stop loving her. I also can tell that I like you too, Sokka, and I’m willing to follow your lead on this. You clearly did love her, and I completely understand that you will continue to. I’m not…” Zuko takes a deep breath.

“I’m not going to ask you to betray your customs, your family, or any past love. I don’t want you to stop loving her, especially not when you clearly love her so much. And I’m willing to wait as long as you need and/or want to.”

Zuko’s nearly out of breath and hes being so honest it hurts, and Sokka’s crying a little so Zuko freaks out and thinks he said the wrong thing but Sokka is quick to reassure him that he said and did everything right

And they go back inside, together, and everyone looks at them, clearly expecting some kind of announcement here

And Sokka steps up, no longer teary eyed (mostly) and says: “I, Prince Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, with blessings from both Water Tribes, ask for permission from the Fire Lord to court Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation.”

Hakoda, Bato, Arnook, Ursa, and Iroh are all by Iroh’s throne, and all of them step up. The guests had already parted the way. Katara and Azula are standing slightly to the side, but still nearby.  

“I, Fire Lord Iroh, give permission to Prince Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe to court Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, but only if Prince Zuko agrees to it.”

Both sokka and Zuko sigh in relief, smile, and nod at each other in agreement. Its Zuko’s turn to step up.

“I, Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, agree to be courted by Prince Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, with blessings from Fire Lord Iroh. I ask for permission from the Chiefs of both the Northern and Southern Water Tribes to court Prince Sokka.”

Hakoda and Arnook step up. Arnook speaks first. “I give my permission for Prince Sokka to be courted by Prince Zuko.” Hakoda is next. “I also give my permission for Prince Sokka to be courted by Prince Zuko, as long as Prince Sokka agrees to it.” 

Sokka smiles at Zuko, and they hold hands to show solidarity between nations. And maybe bc they wanted to

Their sisters and (partners of said sisters) come up to them, smiling

Katara and Aang hug sokka, saying theyre proud of him, but also still thanking him

Azula punches sokka and says to be good to her big brother or else

Sokka says yes ma’am

Katara threatens Zuko, who also responds with a yes ma’am

Azula and Katara shake hands, which scares the ever living fuck out of everyone except Toph who laughs

Shes here bc shes a fuckin beifong 

Aang trained with Pakku already (and katara of course) but has been looking for an earthbending teacher, and so convinces Toph to teach him bc bumi gave him the same advice here as in the show

Her parents aren’t entirely convinced, but Iroh offers to have the Beifongs stay (for business reasons, of course, winking at Aang and Toph), and that Toph will be safe here and can make new friends and future alliances between nations, which convinces them enough to agree to stay for a while

Sokka and Katara had to stay anyway of course, and Aang stays with Katara (and hey, wouldnt it be good if he could learn earth and firebending while at the palace), but everyone else went home

Shenanigans ensue

Zuko and sokka get closer as friends

And still really, really, really like each other

And of course theyre courting each other but soon they start like, dating dating

And fall in love

And live happily

Maybe Ozai tries to ruin their happiness but Toph punches him in his stupid face so its all good

[horansqueen]

Vote For My Next Story

I'll try to keep this short. YOU&ME has ended, and it was a big part of the last few years of my life (along with AM Conversations). It'll probably always be my favorite and best story but that doesnt mean i want to stop writing.

please, know that the oneshots ideas are independent from the story ideas, meaning that i can write a story AND oneshots at the same time so let me know if youre interested!

(click on the read more to read the 10 synopsis of the story ideas I’d like to write)

AM Conversations & YOU&ME ideas:

-oneshots ideas for what happened after the story, before the story, or even in-between chapters in the story. you can send me ANY idea that you would want to read between Liv and Niall or other characters.

-oneshots ideas for any "what if" you can think of (i.e. what if one of them didnt love the other, what if they hadnt seen each other at the bakery, what if Liv had dated Louis, etc)

NEW STORY IDEAS:

NOTES: 

all the ideas are AU. 

 #2 #8 and #9 will include a few of the 1D boys. 

despite the title, #4 is a Niall fic

titles may change

                                   VOTE HERE!!!!

you can also vote by messaging me.

in the form, theres a place for comments but you dont have to leave any

you also dont have to leave your name or anything

thank you if you vote, it means a lot to me!

ill keep this open for a while, until i get enough votes :)

1- UNPREDICTABLE

They haven't seen each other since high school and they hadn't missed each other at all. In fact, they never really could stand each other. Her, a bit of a rebel, listening to punk music, searching for trouble whenever she could... and him, the good boy, popular and loved by everyone, who could rarely be seen without his guitar. It's been a few years already but not many things had changed and they still didn't have anything in common... except one thing. Both of them aspired to become famous with their music. With a twist of fate, they end up in each other's lives again and if they can put aside their resentment for one another, maybe they could bring something incredibly precious to each other. But nothing has ever been uncertain.

This is the story of two opposite persons who share a burning passion that may slowly bring them closer... or make the hatred they already feel for each other even more intense.

2- D.N.A. (daddies now available)

The test was positive. I was pregnant. The problem was, I didn’t know who the father was. It could be my ex boyfriend Liam, his best friend Niall or my best friend Louis. Or maybe it could be that boy I randomly had sex with, Harry... I had no idea and I was not going to find out soon.¸

All I knew was I had to tell four boys that there was a possibility for them to be a daddy in less than a year. Can you just imagine their reaction?

Contrary to all expectations, they accepted their fates.. somehow. And no matter who his daddy was, “little human” was going to get a lot of attention from a lot of men. Exactly like me.

This is my pregnancy story. And it was just the beginning of a long journey.

3- MEANT TO BE

When they first met, Louis was all *MAIN GIRL* ever wanted. However, a decade later the high school sweethearts had change and she felt like most of the sparkles she once had were now gone. Then she met Niall and it clicked instantly and intensely and since then, they’ve been seeing each other in secret, lying to their whole entourage about the nature of their relationship. Feelings started to grow, things started to change, and maybe, just maybe, it’s meant to be. Or maybe not.

A tale of broken hearts, unforgettable love and many… way too many lies.

4- LIVING WITH LOUIS TOMLINSON

Call me Queen Catastrophe. I lost my job, my boyfriend, my best girl friend and my apartment on the same day. Just a little friday afternoon like all the others, right?

Thank god, my best friend Louis was there to save the day. Nothing unusual. I was supposed to crash at his apartment for one night and then walk on my pride and go back to my parents to admit how much of a failure I really am.

However, Louis had other plans : he wanted me to move in with him. That’s when my story really starts. Mutual feelings, drunken sex, grocery shopping, fights that end up with porcelain thrown around the kitchen (I’m an intense person, I know) but most of all, his best guy friend stealing his (our, now) couch at least 5 nights a week.

I despise Niall Horan with all my heart. Him and his stupid charm, his flirty smile and his hands that always ended up in places they shouldn’t. He was threatening to come between Louis and I. He was slowly taking more space in our apartment… and in my heart.

Fuck, I hate Niall Horan with a passion.

5- FOR YOUR LOVE

After months of trying to get pregnant, Niall and his long-time girlfriend found out she was sterile. The news obviously shook their relationship and sparked a few arguments but after a long discussion, they found only one solution : hire a surrogate mother. As days go by, Niall's relationship gets harder and harder to save, and his connection with the surrogate mother of his child becomes tighter. Soon, he gets caught in feelings he can't explain and definitely can't understand. But life is not as easy as just following your feelings.

A story of unsettling feelings, confusing relationships, a deep and strong connection but mostly, decisions impossible to make. Can this really end well?

6- DATING FOR DUMMIES

*MAIN GIRL* has tried blind dates, dating apps, and speed dating to find her soulmate with no good result. Niall has tried pretty much the same without much more success. With all the bizarre, creepy and incompatible persons they meet, they're so close to give up on love until they meet each other through a friend. After a bottle of wine and a long discussion, they start thinking that maybe they were the problem, and that they're too dumb for dating. That's when they decide to make a list of what they individually want and need on a first date and finally decide to try it together. Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and they will both realize that feelings can't be controlled.

When all else fails, the solution will always be to follow your heart.

7- THE BREAK-UP PLAN

*MAIN GIRL* and Niall's relationship had started when they had barely entered their teenager years. Now, over 10 years later, they feel like something is missing. They didn't know anything else besides each other and it had to change. They still planned on spending forever together but their lack of experiences and mistakes seemed to be an obstacle between them.

They agreed on  break that was not really a break. for six whole months, they would be able to do whatever they wanted to do with whoever they wanted to. Going to parties, leaving for a whole weekend with friends without giving any news, dating and even screwing whoever they wanted, nothing was out of reach.

They only had one rule : honesty. Every friday night, they'd meet and spend the whole night together, talking, making out or just cuddling until they'd fall asleep, to make sure their love was preserved.

Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and seeing the person you love the most in the world be happy without you is something almost impossible to accept.

A story about angry tears, painful jealousy, sweet sweet revenge and realizing who your real soulmate is. Watch out, it's gonna hurt.

8- HOT MESS

*MAIN GIRL* has always been a bit of a rebel who didn't really care about much. She just enjoyed life the way she wanted to and never really paid attention to anything else. If she wanted something, she did everything she could to get it, no matter who she'd hurt in the process. After a few years away from her hometown, family and friends, she finally comes back to realize that a lot of things have changed. Jumping in her twin brother Liam's life without being invited, she's about to make a mess of everything he had made so much effort to build by flirting with every single one of his friends without any shame. She's not looking for a relationship, she's just looking to have some fun and break a few hearts... but perhaps, she's about to make a mess of her own heart.

Sometimes, you play the game and some other very rare times, the game plays you.

9- 15 Complicated Rules

I have no idea how I got into this mess but somehow, I ended up with 4 different fuck buddies. I thought I was going crazy until I made a strict schedule of the days and time I would see them, and wrote down a few rules I had to respect myself. A useful guide to manege my 4 fuck friends. Monday for my ex boyfriend, tuesday for my co-worker, wednesday for my old best friend and thursday for a family friend. It could work, right?

I've never been much of an organised person but I honestly thought I could make this work. Everything went as planned for a few months until I broke one rule after the other. That's when I knew I was in deep shit. These are my 15 complicated rules to have fuck buddies. And this is the story of my downfall and the incredible mess I put myself into. After all, rule 15 was 'Never Fall In Love' and I guess that's something I couldn't control, even if I wanted to.

10- DISCONNECTED

When *MAIN GIRL* switches college to finally follow her dreams, she was ready to face anything and everything that would come her way. After all, she had been through so much already, right? The problem was, she didn't expect to be stuck in a room with someone who gets on her last nerves because of a paperwork mistake. Despite trying to find an other place to live or spend her time talking to the administration, she had to face the fact that this situation wouldn't change for a few months. Niall knew how to piss her off and he clearly abused that superpower, doing anything and everything he can to annoy the most pretentious and stuck-up person he had ever met. Perhaps fate is having a good laugh, because they seem to get stuck together way more often than not, but it's not until they let down their defense that they will see who the other really is... if that ever happens.

Apparently, some people are in your life to teach you something and make you grow. Perhaps, if you take the time to listen to them and open up to them, your karmic soulmate can turn into your twin flame... or not.

11- NEW ANGEL

When *MAIN GIRL 1* breaks up with Niall, he takes it harder than he thought he would, realizing in the process all the feelings he had for her. After a few weeks locked by himself in his room, his friends take him out on a crazy night and he decides he needs someone else, if only to get over the girl he loves. That’s when he meets *MAIN GIRL 2* and bring her back home.  However, on the next morning, he realizes he doesn't want her to leave, and that despite the feelings he has for *main girl 1*, he could definitely develop something with *main girl 2*. Everything is going amazingly well for a few weeks until what Niall never thought would happen actually happens : *main girl 1* calls him to tell him she regrets leaving him. Now confused and stressed, Niall is going to have to make a choice between the girl he thought he'd spend his life with, and a girl he just met that makes his heart race. And he's going to get help on his journey from someone he would never have thought of.

A story about making choices, creating connections, messy hearts and confusing emotions.

(i have many ideas for this one but i dont want to give everything away!)

[shhh-no-ones-home]

green looks good on you  vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

Request from @gardenjungle : "If you are taking requests, I would LOVE if you could do an imagine where the reader has a ton in common with Chris (likes hockey and Harry Potter, is a vegan, etc...) so they’re super close, and Vinny is super upset about it because he likes her sooo much and “Chris gets all the girls” ??? Vinny gets no love and you’re one of the only people who writes about him often. I’d also love if you could get a little sexy action in there"

Ngl this is like 1600+ words and i wrote it in like twenty minutes and loved every minute of it. i really hope you like it! i didnt end up adding anything ‘sexy’ but its pretty gratifying to say the least lol.

Song: gold by sleeping with sirens

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @ryansitkowskiswifey @joeybarber @thisplace-ishaunted

+++++++++

i rocked back into the couch, laughing at what chris had said. he was sat next to me, very comfortably, as we chatted amongst ourselves. we had been very close friends for a very long time and i was over the moon that he'd invited me to travel with them for this tour as the videographer. not only did i get to expand my portfolio but i also got to connect with my best friend and his band.

"okay but do you remember that one fall at the orchard when you tripped on that apple and ended up face first in the dirt?"

he laughed out and i sent him a shocked expression.

"i thought we agreed to never bring that up!"

i protested, the other guys around us sort of laughing along, them only half paying attention as they played a new video game. their focus was above our heads.

"but it was hilarious. i looked up for a split second and BAM! there you went."

he said loudly, being a little more expressive at the 'bam.' i shook my head at him.

"okay then, if we are ratting each other out about stupid shit weve done,what about that one time you got your hand stuck in the Christmas tree ties on your dads car?"

i said matter-of-factly. his eyes got wide.

"hey! that was an accident and you know it. we couldve taken my whole arm off!"

he said in his defense.

"i thought it was hilarious."

i said sternly back, smiling widely at him. he stuck his tongue out at me, a notion i gladly mirrored. then he grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me to him. i screamed at the sudden motion, looking to vinny and rick who were sitting across from us for some guidance but they were to into the game.

"you two are too much."

ricky laughed out, looking at ryan for a second as he walked by. chris pulled me closer before licking a stripe up my face.

"ew!"

i said pulling away from him and wiping his saliva off of my face.

"asshole!"

i said, grabbing his face and blowing raspberries into his cheek. he laughed incredulously, pushing me away from him.

"youre nasty."

he said mimicking my notion and wiping his face. i punched his arm lightly before swinging my legs into his lap, him holding them there and looking down at me endearingly.

"so are you."

i said back, shaking my head at him, nose scrunched.

"you know you love me."

he said, bringing his face closer to mine.

"well yeah."

i said back, squinting at him.

"i think im done for tonight."

vinny said suddenly, pausing the game. ricky sent him a look like 'wtf?' and watched him stand.

"im gonna go get some air."

he said and we all watched him walk off the bus.

"that was weird right?"

i asked and they all nodded. i had a good few chances to talk to vinny since tour had started and he seemed like a really cool guy. someone id be lucky to call a close friend by the time tour was over if not something more. part of me felt bad, like chris and i really where too much for him to handle in that moment. but this was how we always were. we practically survived our teens years together, losing touch for a bit but inevitably going back to the way things where when we found each other back.

"you guys mind if i go out there too?"

i asked and they all sort of shrugged at me, chris letting my legs go so i could stand. as i did i leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"dont miss me while im gone."

i joked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"of course not."

i laughed a little bit as i descended down the stairs, pushing the door open and seeing vinny leaning against the bus.

"you okay?"

i asked softly, walking to him and rubbing my hands together. i had sort of forgotten how cold it had got. it was late fall after all but the bus was so warm and inviting i didnt even think about grabbing a jacket before leaving. i half shivered as i walked closer, his face being illuminated by the street lights outside the venue.

"uh yeah, everything's great."

he said a little condescendingly, kicking his foot into the gravel under him.

"im sorry if we were too much, i guess when we get together we have a tendency to overshare and its not for everyone. but i suppose thats what you get when youre comfortable with someone the way we are."

i tried to defend to him and he let out a short sigh-laugh.

"its no big deal, you guys really like each other. its cool."

i smiled.

"yeah, hes my best friend."

vinny nodded once.

"how long have you guys been together? i dont recall him ever talking about you before."

i drew my brows.

"together?"

i asked and he seemed just as confused as i was.

"look i get it, chris gets all the girls, being the front man and all."

he seemed a little jealous.

"but i dont think he ever mentioned you before tour started and then one day he told us about some girl coming on to film us. but clearly you guys are close so do you have like a, i dont know, like a open relationship type thing?"

i laughed a little bit.

"you think chris and i are dating?"

he half shrugged.

"well yeah, its kinda obvious."

i shook my head and took his hand in mine.

"vinny i can assure you that chris and i are just friends. if anything hes like the brother i never asked for nor wanted but got anyways. but life just does that sometimes."

he looked down at our connected hands and let go of me promptly.

"i guess it just doesnt seem like that."

he said a little hurt. i sighed and leaned against the bus next to him.

"it would be kind of weird to bring it up to him but i like someone else in this band, if you wanted to know."

i said, looking at him a little hopeful he was picking up what i was putting down.

"oh."

he said sadly. i sighed, i guess not.

"yeah, hes super cool, and nice, and ive really enjoyed connecting with him."

i shivered as the wind blew and he finally looked over at me.

"are you cold?"

he asked, ignoring what i had just said. i nodded a little bit, crossing my arms over my chest.

"just a little bit but i ll be fine."

he shook his head at me.

"no way, here."

he said taking his jacket off. at least he had long sleeves on. he placed his jacket over my shoulders, pulling it together in the front.

"thanks vin."

i said as we both returned to our positions against the bus.

"would your new dream guy do that?"

he half joked, i could still hear the venom in his voice. he was absolutely jealous. i thought it was funny because now he was jealous of himself.

"actually yeah."

he scoffed, hiking his foot up on the side of the bus.

"great."

he said looking away from me. i stepped closer and nudged him.

"he would because he just did."

he looked at me and drew his brows together.

"wait you mean?"

he asked, his face turning to that of shock. i nodded.

"god, yes. vin ive had a crush on you since i got here."

i laughed out.

"i didnt think you would like me back and then i realized just now that that was utter bullshit."

he half smiled.

"and whys that?"

he asked a little cocky.

"you were jealous of chris and that has only happened to me a handful of times in my life. once in highschool when my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i didnt stop hanging out with him. once when i graduated college and my then boyfriend accused me of sleeping with him. and right now."

he looked down a little ashamed.

"yeah i guess that wasnt fair of me to do. i just figured since you guys hit it off so fast that you were into him."

i laughed a little bit.

"dont get me wrong i love him with my whole being, but seeing someone go through puberty just does something to your vision of them ya know?"

i asked and he laughed back, nodding.

"okay, well if you really are into me, would it be stepping to far to ask you out?"

he said hopefully and i grinned widely at him.

"i would love that vin."

he sent me a tired smile in the dim street lights.

"may i also be so bold as to ask if i could kiss you?"

i let out a nervous laugh. i was really gonna let that happen huh? i nodded.

"id like that a lot vin."

he stepped closer to me slowly, placing his hand gently against my cheek, running his thumb over it. his hands were rough and calloused from playing the drums so long but i didnt mind. it kind of felt nice. he looked deep into my eyes before leaning down and capturing my lips in his. all of a sudden it felt like home, like this was it, the thing id wanted for so long and never found. his other hand made its way to my waist as he deepend the kiss. i sighed into him, practically melting against his mouth like chocolate left outside in the sun on a hot day. when he pulled away he rested his forehead against mine and smiled like an idiot, one i gladly returned.

"fucking finally."

i heard from behind me, the bus door clicking closed. both of us turned to look, seeing ricky and chris standing there grinning from ear to ear. i had a mad blush splayed across my face now and was thankful that the light was behind me so it would be harder to see.

"how long have you been standing there?"

i demanded, walking to chris and punching his arm. he laughed in pain as he rubbed his arm.

"long enough to see the sparks fly."

he teased, pushing me back. i rolled my eyes at him.

"get your ass back in the bus."

i said opening the door and escorting him back inside. he made kissy noises at me as rick followed him up the stairs. i shook my head and turned around, jumping a little bit at vinnys presence behind me.

"rick had kind of been waiting for that for a while."

he said, looking up at the now closed door. i raised a a brow.

"oh?"

i asked and he sent me a bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

"ive been crushing over you for a while too. and being jealous of chris just as long, rick's been pushing me to say something. i guess it just took one last little push."

he shamefully laughed out.

"at least now we're on the same page."

i said before standing on my tip toes and bringing him down to kiss me again, both of his hands going to my waist.

"now come on, im still cold and the bus is much warmer."

i joked and he nodded along.

"agreed."

[sargentr]

my fave drarry fics of all time, part one

so, after discovering i’ve officially been reading drarry fanfic for 4 years now, i decided to show my (quite big) list of favorite drarry fics. there are 46 in total, but i’ve listed 10 down below. the first three are my absolute favorites but the rest are equally as good

most of my notes are fresh from when i wrote them post-reading. i’ve changed some, seeming less like a crazy unstable bitch, but fuck these were all emotional as fuck. enjoy

ps: i dont really know how to tag people i dont follow. i cant try and tag the authors later. soz!!

pps: most of these i read when i was really into a bottom!draco phase, so most of them contain that, some are switch tho (as it should be, yikes past me)

1. Everything That Happen is From Now On / ~43K 

After surviving a brutal assault, Draco tries to navigate the tumultuous waters of his mind, and embrace a bit of love and trust in his life. After all, the smallest steps forward can begin to heal the most fractured of souls

okay so before i get in to how beautiful this story is, i wanna say that it does touch on rape quite explicitly. i cried like an idiot reading the entire thing, because draco’s pain is navigated in the most beautiful and realistic way. it touches on a subject very risky for me, very personal, and i still can’t think of a better drarry story. draco’s very draco about it all, and harry is very harry about it all. it’s just perfect, and messy, and tender, and sad. i’ve reread it more than any other fic, and it doesn’t disappoint. 

2. Pocket Full of Starlight / ~46K

When Scorpius Malfoy and Jamie Potter meet at Quidditch camp, they take an instant dislike to each other. Then they discover their lives are more connected than they could possibly imagine.

ah yes. the magic of kid fics. the TASTE

parent trap au. i read this one recently, like 3 months back, and absolutely fell in love with everything about it, partially because the parent trap is legit one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time. its just. the essence, the IDEA, is soooo mf beautiful. i cant get enough of reading when harry or draco finally meet the other twin, or how they cant stop loving each other even after 11 years. my heart clenched throughout the whole thing. 

3. Temptations on the Warfront / ~180K

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes. 

this was the first drarry fic ive ever read, and before this mf i HATEDDD this pairing. so you can imagine how much it took to convince me otherwise, bc i was 100% scorbus before this.

to be fair, horcrux hunting with draco involved is, possibly, my favorite trope ever. its unique. theres tension, both sexual and life threatening. in some ways it romanticizes the war, but fuck it it aint a real war. 

slowest of burns. amazing. life changing. long as hell. nothing else to be said except read it right now i demand it.

4. Clouding the Senses / ~58K

As everyone returns to Hogwarts for a final eighth year, some people are coping better with the aftermath of the war than others. After encountering a very drunk Draco Malfoy one night, Harry realises that maybe those that lost loved ones aren’t the only ones trying to escape the war. Blaise Zabini seems to think Harry can help Malfoy, that the Slytherin might actually listen to him. Harry is not so sure. Dependence is a tricky thing, and one addiction can quickly shift to another.

everyone that reads drarry loves 8th year fics, but this ones just kinda different from all those normal (yet entertaining) ones. draco’s an alcoholic in this, and one night harry tries to help him and whoops, one thing leads to the other and they start having casual sex. its really, really amazing how both draco and harry navigate the addiction, i really cant say it has any flaws. 

i know the author got a lot of hate on their fics and thats why they took them down, but they’re truly one of the best drarry authors out there. i’ve reread this a couple of times, and the tenderness, the love and confusion is all very on character. a+

5. Restraint / ~153K

Someone casts the Imperius curse on Draco Malfoy, and whatever the instructions may be, Harry finds himself an unwilling target. The encounter leaves him torn between pleasure and revulsion. As they fight in the aftermath, a tense game begins. Harry fights to convince Malfoy, and himself, that he was not affected by that initial encounter, or any of those following it.

Faced with a series of escalating encounters, Harry must come to terms with desiring things he never thought he could, things he wishes he didn’t respond to. They each use signs of arousal as weapons against each other in a mad struggle to finally shame the other into backing down for good. 

But it’s only after the game is over that Harry starts to understand.

this is by the same author of clouding the senses, and i read this just this week. at first, it’s shocking, because it plays around with consent in a very unsettling way. when communication comes in, and its starts getting healthier, you can really understand where the author found the idea of playing with consent. it is, in my opinion, 100% characteristic of how they would behave post-war, with that grief and confusion. it’s also dom/sub in some parts, and that’s mf hot. 

it also has my favorite tropes in it, but it’s a spoiler to say which one. i’ll probably mention the trope in the list along with a bunch others, but when u finish reading you’ll know which one ;)

6. Humbug / ~30K

Draco has been taking his casual relationship with Harry for granted. Visits from four key ghosts the night before Christmas just might shake up his priorities in life.

(felt like it was valid to just paste what i wrote in my notes app after reading this)

(FUCKKKKKK HOW TO EVEN START?!!!?? just a fucking bonus, draco is THE best bottom o ever exist i love my bottom son so much. this story isnt only amazing it’s excruciatingly painful to read, harry and draco have been sleeping together but harry is completely in love with him. draco doesnt see how much harry cares for him or how much hes hurting harry by treating their fling like its just that, a FLING. with that, draco is haunted by three ghosts. one of the past, the present and the future, AND THEY SET THAT IDIOT STRAIGHTTTT 1800000/10. the gays DO KEEP MF WINNING!!!

7. in your arms, rests my world / ~24K

Harry presses his mouth to Malfoy's forehead; he wants to tell him that he’ll never leave, that he wouldn’t dream of it.

“You make me feel safe, Potter” Malfoy whispers. “You keep me safe.”

the friends with benefits trope doesnt ever disappoint, top 5 tropes fr, especially if its also 8th year. harry and draco get into their little thing, but of course nothing ever is simple between them. by the preview, you can clearly see how much draco likes harry (also another 10/10 trope, the ‘i’ve been in love with harry potter since i was 11′ one). my only tiny issue with this is that harry fucks it up just a tad, but it of course adds up to the drama of it all, which i absolutely love.

noting it also touches on non-con/rape and, and all in all, is extremely angsty. one i was tense from beginning to end. but i am gonna say it ends amazingly and v happily.

8. Playing the Hero / ~29K

Nobody kissed me like Harry did. He kissed like he flew; he kissed like he duelled - with his whole being, not caring about anything else. I had never felt as vulnerable as I did when he kissed me, seizing all and any control I had over myself. But when Harry kissed me, I felt free...

so the thing about angst is that it ignites that mf feeling side u that even tho it hurts you cannot get enough of. this fic was EVERYTHINGGG. it made cry and laugh and smile. also another trope i absolutely adore is them breaking up and not being 100% ok with that, bc ding ding!! YALL STILL LOVE EACH OTHER!! 

i cant describe how i felt, honestly. i would just paste my notes (i wont bc spoilers) but it looks like i went thru sum shit. deadass

9. fine i’ll hold my breath / till i forget it’s complicated  / ~ 15K with the two parts

Harry and Draco become friends with benefits, and Harry thinks it's more complicated than it actually is.

u know, fluff is a drug. i dont know if its beucase 90% of drarry fics are about angsty get-togethers, but i had butterflies in my stomach when i read this. its adorable. draco is so clearly in love, he jusT SMILES A LOT I CANTTT. 

its cute. i love it to death. have some fluff before starting your day.

10. Un Noël très parisien / ~14K

When Draco crossed paths with Auror Potter at a political function in Paris, he was not expecting their former animosity to change into something rather more intriguing. But he could be certain their casual flirtation would not last more than the night, couldn't he?

look. i know i named a lot of my favorite tropes here, but i cant end this without mentioning how much single dad draco affects me. i love scorpius and how much he changes draco in every fic he appears. i love parent draco and i shant be silent about it (especially when scorpius is legit just a year old in this. i died)

as it states, harry and draco have a one night stand but draco thinks thats it, that it was all he was ever gonna have. he’s wrong of course, and the path it takes, with both scorpius and harry there, just melted my mf heart.

well kids that’s all i have for now. imma work on a part two with 10 other fics i really love!1