#they won't let me into the country with that visa

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Got my CAS!! Finally!! Tonight it's Visa Time™ <3

[bluemoonrabbit]

Feeling really bad about the US tonight friends. Between dealing with the healthcare system and our continued baffling support for ongoing genocide, I feel so deeply hopeless and angry toward this country.

[radicallicious]

why did i have to be born poor and in a country with a weak passport......

[benkyoutobentou]

Life Update...

I just paid my tuition, so it seems like it's time to let the cat out of the bag. So long as my visa isn't randomly rejected, I'll be moving to Japan in spring of next year! I'll be there for one year at the very least, the plan is to be there for three to four years, but depending on how it goes and how everything pans out, I won't deny the possibility of moving there permanently.

My first plan of action is attending a language school, basically until I pass the N2. Right now I'd put myself at about halfway there, so my hope is to only spend one year in the language school. After that, and this is a big reason for my moving to Japan, I'll apply to a trade school for instrument repair. For those who don't know, I have a degree in music performance. While in university, I met someone who ended up moving back to Japan to get certified in instrument repair, and that's the school I'll be applying to! Instrument repair is an incredibly hard industry to break into in the United States, where I'm from and live right now, because there aren't any schools that offer courses in it.

Without saying exactly where I'll be, I am going to be in the Kansai region. I wasn't initially sure if I wanted to be outside of Tokyo for my first time living in Japan, but when I reached out to GoGoNihon and they recommended a Kansai school, it felt like fate. Kansai-ben is my favorite dialect of Japanese and it's been a far off pie-in-the-sky dream of mine to speak it effortlessly ever since I started learning Japanese.

Needless to say, I am excessively excited about this new journey in my life. And with that, please (please!) tell me your favorite spots in Japan, whether they're underrated hidden gems or tourist traps that everyone and their dog has been to. I want to know! Location and prefecture doesn't matter- with how long I'll be in the country, I'd like to take the opportunity to travel as much of it as I can. It also doesn't matter what it is. Tell me about your favorite roadside shrine, a great restaurant you went to, or your favorite specialty store. I also don't have an expiration date on this. If you want to tell me about somewhere in the next ten minutes, that's great, but I would also love to hear about it three weeks or even three months from now.

TLDR; I'm moving to Japan!

[junebugzzz]

emergency commissions open!!!

hey everyone! so i've recently had to go no contact with my abusive family, and it's left me in a critical situation since i was financially dependent on them. i didn't have the chance to prepare for this, and there's a whole whirlwind of visa issues before I can safely be back in my country, but i don't wanna let up on it. because of this situation i'm opening up emergency commissions to help me sustain myself throughout this. this would help feed me, keep me under a roof and help my finances as I deal with shitty visa bureaucracy. i'm not entirely safe in my situation either and any commission i take improves my situation. even if you can't support me by buying my work, please reblog! please please reblog!! it helps me get to other people who can help me. i'm also working on opening nsfw commissions soon! keep an eye out for that on any of my tumblr accounts if you'd be interested. you could also dm me to be in a tag list. in the meantime, if you'd like to tip me, here's my Ko-Fi!

examples:

(i'm on a small time frame to get this post up and get some money in so excuse the bad examples, but i promise i can what you'd be paying for)

prices:

*PLEASE NOTE: i CAN charge full cost per added character - this is unless the additional character is a background character or a character with an otherwise lower amount of required effort. in that case the added character is billed according to the effort needed. In any case, just ask! i promise i don't bite :) we could discuss it and come up with what works for both of us.

how to commission me:

just send me a message with the following info:

a description of the artwork you'd like me to create. it could be ocs, fandom characters or real people. NOTE: i may have a couple limitations with fandom characters (if i dont know them) and real people - just ask!

any (good quality) reference images or inspiration that would help me understand what you want out of this piece.

your preferred communication method (tumblr, discord or email) for revisions and other related conversation.

i'll respond with a concept drawing and a quote, and we can discuss from there! depending on the complexity you'd want me to achieve in your commission, i could increase or decrease how much I ask for. dw, i won't charge you anything without discussing it with you first.

terms:

Payment is to be made via PayPal (preferably in USD) before work has begun.

I retain ownership of the art. Credit me when you use my work. For non-commercial use only.

I reserve the right to turn down or cancel a commission (with a refund in case of a cancelation) at any point if I see it fit.

Please send me clear references so I can better gauge what you want from my work.

Let me know in advance if you don't want your commission to be displayed on my social media, I'll respect it.

The finished commission will be sent via either discord or gmail (whichever you opt)

Commissions can take anywhere from 2 to 15 days to finish, depending on both the complexity of the work and any uncontrollable circumstances from my end.

[sailorsally]

Imagine paying 40k quid to a UK university and they won't even let you bring over your mum & dad for graduation.

I have been to 30+ countries and still have war flashbacks about filling out the visa entry form for the UK. The questions in it legitimately made me feel like dirt, one of the most dehumanizing experiences of my life. And I am saying this as someone who actually got a visa in the end.

[indigovigilance]

Sovereignty, Citizenship, and the Bookshop

Credit to @flameraven for scripts

Read on Ao3 at: Sovereignty, Citizenship, and the Bookshop (1702 words) by indigovigilance Summary: The rules regarding who may enter the bookshop, and who may give others permission to enter the bookshop, are revealed by events rather than exposition. Parallel themes surround the Bentley. In this meta I generate a theory of sovereignty and citizenship as it pertains to the Bookshop, and what that implies about a statement Crowley makes and Aziraphale's final decision in S2E6.

What actually is the Bookshop?

First, Aziraphale explains to Crowley:

S2E5: AZIRAPHALE: We're perfectly safe in here. Technically, this bookshop still counts as an Embassy.

But then, speaking to Shax, Aziraphale further defines the bookshop:

AZIRAPHALE: Out of the question. Might I remind you, that this bookshop is technically an independent embassy. Being a former outpost of Heaven, and as such…

Which doesn't actually make any sense.

An embassy, by definition, is a satellite of another larger nation. It is usually the residence of an ambassador, and is considered the "soil" and jurisdiction of the home country, regardless of where it is in the world: "An embassy is considered “foreign soil,” meaning that it operates under the jurisdiction and laws of the home country, not the host country (the country where the embassy is physically located)." [ext source]

So an embassy, by its basic definition, cannot be independent. It's an oxymoron. I'll interpret this to mean that the Bookshop constitutes its own nationstate (and that Aziraphale just doesn't say it that way because he's a funky little guy).

Bookshop: A Sovereign Nation of Two

There has been extensive discussion about why Crowley seems never to have told Aziraphale that he was living in his car, and why, if/when Aziraphale figured it out, he didn't say anything about it. (I wrote a meta discussing how we know that Aziraphale knows by the beginning of S2E4 that Crowley is living in his car. Additionally, in S2E6, Aziraphale doesn't seem to look particularly surprised when Crowley announces to the room that he's tired of living in his car; you can interpret this as being distracted and phased out but I don't think Aziraphale is ever so dissociated that he would miss a statement like that and simply not react. So by then, he certainly knows.)

I posit that Crowley did not ask to move in and would have refused to do so even if offered for one very simple reason: moving in would have made him a citizen of Bookshop, and therefore a point of vulnerability for Aziraphale. Because as he explains to Shax in S2E3, he can't technically invite her in:

SHAX: if you won't let me in… CROWLEY: Not technically something I can do.

Of course, Crowley is a demon: he could be lying. But let's take the statement at face value, since Shax, also a demon, who seems reasonably familiar with the rules of entry, doesn't question it. So Crowley, by never establishing citizenship, ensures that he can never be coerced or tricked into letting anyone into the Bookshop. He maintains his foreign entity status on purpose to protect Aziraphale.

One more note, in passing: Crowley stays at the shop in S2E3 and S2E4, but he has been charged by Aziraphale to "mind the bookshop, and Gabriel." His role is more akin to a house-sitter than a houseguest. He's there on work visa, and it does not establish citizenship.

So Crowley isn't a citizen of Bookshop. But someone other than Aziraphale is.

S2E1: MAGGIE: I can be out of here in two weeks. AZIRAPHALE: Out of here? Why? Don't you like it anymore? MAGGIE: Oh, Mr. Fell, I love this shop! I've loved it since I was a baby. But I know how behind I am on rent. (…) MAGGIE: You can't just forgive me eight months' rent. AZIRAPHALE: Oh, I can. I'm very good at forgiveness. It's one of my favorite things. Now, you have paid your rent, I have my music, and I know exactly what I'll be doing for the next 21 minutes. [he giggles and leaves] (creepiest most disturbing giggle in all of cinematic history BUT ANYWAYS)

We've established that Maggie not only is a tenant of land owned by Aziraphale, but that her accounts are all paid up. Her citizenship (or at least, permanent residency) is secure. If simply renting out the space wasn't enough, we learn that she is a fourth-generation resident of the space owned by Aziraphale, which started inside the bookshop itself, and so Maggie may have been born into citizenship. Either way, the consequences of this arise in S2E6:

AZIRAPHALE: Maggie, what just happened? MAGGIE: I… I think I might have just told them they could come in.

Crowley can't tell demons that they can come in. But Maggie can. My explanation for this is because she actually lives (and is up on her rent) in a territory of the nation of Bookshop. It could be posed that Maggie can invite demons in because she is a guest of the ball, and so this is a temporary power, but Crowley was a "guest"/house-sitter and didn't have this power, so I reject this explanation and affirm it as a citizenship/residency power.

The Metatron's Offer

At time of writing, the fandom has spent two months trying to figure out why Metatron offered Aziraphale the job of Supreme Archangel. Was it to get him back into Heaven where he can keep a closer eye on him? Was it to get him away from Crowley? Did Metatron realize that he is a wellspring of power and wants to tap into it for nefarious purpose?

I'm going to propose a different, much simpler reason: he needed to get Aziraphale out of the bookshop. To explain that, we look to a line that Crowley delivers during the Conversation:

CROWLEY: I mean, if Gabriel and Beelzebub can do it, go off together, then we can. Just the two of us. We don't need Heaven, we don't need Hell, they're toxic. We need to get away from them, just be an us. You and me, what do you say? AZIRAPHALE: Come with me… to Heaven. I'll run it, you can be my second in command. We can make a difference. CROWLEY: You can't leave this bookshop.

Hang on, didn't Crowley just say that they should run off together? Why is he now saying that he can't leave the bookshop? These statements seem contradictory, but through the lens of sovereignty, they're not. You see, if Aziraphale goes off to Alpha Centauri without rejoining Heaven, the Bookshop still belongs to him and constitutes the sovereign nation over which he rules. It is the anchor and touchstone of his independent status. What ever new residence they establish will, in turn, be an embassy of that "independent embassy." The Bookshop then (I hypothesize, and posit that Crowley does too) grants Aziraphale protection from Heaven and Hell no matter where he is in the universe.

A Brief Aside on the Mechanics of Satellites

We have some evidence that Bookshop rules extend to wherever Aziraphale happens to be "residing," in that when Aziraphale borrows Crowley's car, Shax must trick him into giving him permission to enter (S2E4):

HITCHHIKER: I'm so sorry, can you be an angel and give me a lift? Only m-my car's broken down and my phone's dead. Just to the next town, there's a garage there. AZIRAPHALE: Oh… yes, well… I suppose you better climb in, then.

Thus establishing that, theoretically, Crowley and Aziraphale could "go off together" and still have the protection of the Bookshop.

The Consequences of Aziraphale's Final Decision

Crowley tells Aziraphale that he cannot leave the bookshop, but then we know that Aziraphale takes the job and ascends to Heaven. Metatron looks extremely relieved. No sooner do they ascend than Muriel enters the bookshop, where we know Metatron has placed them. Let's take this point by point.

The Bookshop is no longer a sovereign nation

By rejoining Heaven, Aziraphale has reclaimed his citizenship as an angel of Heaven. I'm going to go ahead and say (for sake of argument and because it is thematically consistent) that Heaven does not honor duel citizenship. Therefore, Aziraphale has given up his citizenship of Bookshop, but as it still belongs to him, it is now territory subject to the jurisdiction of Heaven. Muriel has been placed there as a representative of Heaven. Having been (we can surmise) the only "independent embassy" in existence where both angels and demons had to ask permission to enter, it is once again a good and proper embassy of Heaven.

This is important because now, neither Aziraphale nor Crowley have any place to go that is protected from both Heaven and Hell.

Muriel has unfettered access to Aziraphale's collection of books

My very simplistic theory for why Metatron went to so much trouble to get Aziraphale to cede control of the Bookshop is that he needs access to his collection of books. Specifically, he needs a certain Scrivener who enjoys reading to set up camp there and peruse every single book. This is because he is looking for something.

Gabriel left Heaven with a large box; he arrived at the Bookshop with an empty box. We can punt around all sorts of possible reasons but let's say, for sake of conjecture, that Gabriel stole the Book of Life on his way out to protect himself and Beelzebub from erasure. We don't know where the Book is now, but Metatron (who doesn't know the box was empty) has good reason to believe that the Book of Life is somewhere in the bookshop. But it's too dangerous to admit that they've lost track of it, so the best way to find a Book in a bookshop is to get the owner out of there, install an avid reader as steward, and wait patiently.

Other consequences of this theory of citizenship

We are given to believe that Crowley and Aziraphale are both outcasts of Hell and Heaven, respectively, yet Aziraphale seems to be the only one of them that benefits from the protections of independence. We could say that it is because Aziraphale owns land, and so that allows him to establish a nationstate, whereas the Bentley does not, but since Aziraphale brings the protections of independence with him when he borrows the Bentley, that seems flimsy. I find it more likely that in S3 we're going to learn something about Crowley that explains why he lacks these protections, and if I dare to make conjecture, it will be the subject of another meta.

I didn't get around to a discussion of the consequences of Aziraphale throwing his halo and "declaring war," or that war declaration being maybe-cancelled by Crowley; suffice to say, that may again be it's own meta.

~~~

If you enjoyed this, you may enjoy: Honolulu Roast: the story of a coup

another meta on the topic of ownership re the Bentley by @ineffable-endearments can be found here.

~~~

edit: I was reminded by @rekishi-aka to note that in S1, Gabriel and Sandolphon walk right in, because at that time the bookshop is an embassy of Heaven. For all of S2 except the final 30 minutes, celestials all have to ask permission to enter, including Michael, Uriel, Saraqael, and Muriel, because the Bookshop is independent. After Aziraphale throws his halo, celestials just appear inside the Bookshop: by declaring war, Aziraphale has relinquished his protection. It's unclear whether it would have been reestablished by Crowley cancelling the war, but it's a moot point because then Aziraphale agrees to become the Supreme Archangel.

[thegazette5]

I've found out that reita is gone three months later

so yesterday at night, august 15, I found out that reita was dead... and I couldn't' believe it, it was so surreal and I cried reading the words of ruki for him. it pains me to know the gazette members were friends, mostly reita and uruha that used to know way before.

tbh I haven't listened to the gazette since 2016

I met the gazette's music at 18 or something like that and

now I'm 36 and I have clinic depression and when the gazette made their second world tour, the country I live in it's close to argentina, I had a friend who had an argentinian friend that got me a front row ticket for the gazette concert, I got the flight tickets for me and my friend, and then I had a shitty nationality that didn't let me go anywhere (I already changed my nationality) anyway, I didn't get the visa to argentina, I was so sad I wanted to end everything. I went straight to the psychiatrist, it was the first time I really wanted to end everything, every bad thing that had happened to me, not being able to got to the gazette's concert was the last blow, and someone I thought as my best friend back then, she got to go and it made me so sad and angry 'cause she wasn't even a real fan compared to me, she just happened to listen to their songs that year and go (she dedicated ito to me 'cause she missed me, and hell I told her 'bout that song's meaning, that's my proof she wasn't a fan)

so I stopped listening to the gazette, but this year I felt like listening to, and last night I was listening to layla by eric clapton because a kaleido star's fanfic I was reading with the characters layla and yuri, and I wanted a name for the main female character of the book I was trying to write, I thought layla was cool, but there's already too many L in my main male character's name, so I thought of reila (I thought it was reira) and there was "what happened to reita the gazette" on the search while I was looking for reila's lyrics, I thought it was a illness or accident, but no, reita is gone.

I found out that reita is gone while listening to eric clapton playing guitar.

I went to wikipedia and I thought a troll edited the page, a horrible joke, but it was real and it means I'll never go to a the gazette's concert in my life, maybe I still can, but it won't be the same without reita, he is the gazette and he is my fave bassist and I remember when I was young and grew up with the gazette's songs, I got excited just by watching their pvs on the screen, everytime I read their interviews were so inspiring, just a bunch of young adult friends that decided to pursue the same dream together. I wish I had that kind of friends, and let's face it, most jrock groups break after a few years, the gazette were friends with the same dream that lasted over two decades, they were losers that had each other and followed their dreams and made them come true and to me the gazette isn't one of the best rock/metal groups of japan, to me they're one of the best in this whole universe.

and I went to two aerosmith lives where they were in their 60s and I dreamed of the the gazette were going to rock 'til they were old in his 70s.

tbh I'm curious about reita's passing, I want to know why, last year matthew perry died and I love friends, it was shocking, but I did know why, however asian artists are more discreet than western ones and we may never now about what happened to reita. there's so many rumours and the gazette haven't released new songs since 2021? I guess there'll be a new bassist and I won't hate on him, but it won't be the same.

reita was so young, not 45 or 47, he was 42 and I don't want to believe in the horrible rumours. whatever happened to him, it was his life, if there's heaven, another life or another world I hope he's in peace.

and I'm hurt and I'm not ready to listen to the gazette music yet.

[the-fandom-crossroads]

I mean, no european country will give you a work visa maybe idk but I'm pretty sure brazil for example lets anyone who's in need into the country I'm sure there are options that won't be easy or comfortable but that are there, I believe in you

The irony of Americans moving south of the border is not lost to me. I honestly didn't consider Brazil. But that's because I don't know Portuguese and my Spanish is extremely limited. Europe has more folks that speak English as a second language. And since this would be a few months in one country before having to move. Smaller countries closer together would make that easier. I wouldn't have to take a plane each move.

It definitely won't be easy regardless of where I pick. But I'm not as young as I was back in 2016 when I had to think about doing this before. Unfortunately anti trans sentiment has just gotten worse over the last 8 years. And it's now very clear I can't stay in the conservative part of the us at the very least.

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm going to keep going regardless.

[the-fiction-witch]

Shall We?

Media - Pistol (Disney plus / FX) Character - Malcolm Mclaren Couple - Malcolm X Reader Reader - Y/n (Nicknamed Natty) Rating - smutty moments Word Count - 3000

I sauntered down from the bus stop, doing my best not to look too upset. My boots make a loud clack on the grimy pavement with each step I take. I kept my hands in the pockets of my jacket as I passed the heaps of black bin bags stacked high. I saw the pink shop front already opened up so I headed inside letting the door fall closed behind me as I made my way inside the graffitied store full of racks and shelves. 'Moonage Daydream' playing from the jukebox in the corner, As I went across the shop floor I undid my jacket and slipped it off hanging it over my arm as I went for the curtain to the back room.

But before my hand even touched the curtain, My path was blocked.

I didn't even want to dignify his nonsense today, but I had to look up at him as he was in my way.

There Malcolm stood, in his usual shoes, black leather trousers, his white sleeveless shirt printed with the cowboys touching tips, his dark curls well tussled. His wrist leant against the doorframe, his hip cocked in the other direction and his hand in his pocket completely blocking the entrance to the shop's back room. He smirked down at me with that knowing grin.

"Problem. Speak."

"I'm not in the mood Malcolm," I glared,

He removed his hand from his pocket and rested his thumb on my chin forcing my eyes to his, "Natty. Speak."

"I don't have a problem," I told him, as I ducked under his arm and headed down the corridor to the back room, but as I hung up my jacket he followed,

"And I can shove my cock up my arse. We both know we're bullshitting. So speak Natty." He says wrapping his arms around me from behind, and giving my body a little sway in his arms,

"Malcolm, I am in the kinda mood where I'm willing to kick you in the nuts."

"There's ever a time you're not willing to kick me in the balls?"

"...True," I sighed, "I'm just really not in a good mood today," I told him shoving him away and heading back to the shop floor letting my red hair loose from the bun,

"And the reason is?" He followed me once more,

"None of ya business," I sighed as I checked the desk for everything,

"Natty, come on." he leant on the desk beside me,

"Will you quit calling me that!" I sighed, "Why do you even call me that anyway?"

"You always try and ask for American Beer, notably Natual light," he explained, "And ... it pisses you off so much when I call you Natty,"

"True," I sighed,

"So, come on. What's making those blue eyes cry?" He tapped my nose,

"You really wanna know?"

"I do,"

"You won't just be a cunt?"

"I won't be a cunt,"

"You are going to at least pretend to give a shit?"

"I will actually give a shit."

"Fine," I sighed, grabbing the letter from my bra and handing it to him before taking some shirts to restock them,

"And for the record, I do give a shit about your problems."

"Do you?" I rasied an eyebrow,

"More than I do anyone else," He shrugged, "May I read?"

"No I handed you a letter from my bra so you could sniff it, Yes you can read it!"

"I mean I'll do both if you let me," He joked before he looked, "... Home Office," He muttered actually reading properly, "Dear Miss Natty," He joked, "we are writing to inform you that the Work and Education Visa you where granted on the 17th of May 1977 is now due to... Expire! ...On the 31st of June 1979. As you are aware if you do not return to your home country, notably The United States of America before midnight on the 31st of June 1979, An official warrant will be out for your arrest. If you proceed to stay beyond your Visa expiration you will face imprisonment, deportation and a one Thousand pound fine! As well as have your potential future Visa's rejected. Thank you have a nice day at the Home office!" He read,

"Yep," I sighed as I stocked,

"That doesn't seem like a 'thank you have a nice day' kinda letter."

"The passive aggression of the British government,"

"... But the 31st that's only three weeks away."

"I know,"

"When did you get this?"

"This morning,"

"So they expect you to just pack the life you've had for two years up in less than three weeks, book and board a plane back to the States?"

"Yep,"

"And how long is it going to take to get a new visa and come back?"

"Six months,"

"Six!"

"If they approve me, which they might not cause they are

"really dickish about that,"

"You could just stay?"

"And get arrested? No, thank you."

"Cha-"

"You dare say chaos I will shove a fire poker up your British ass."

"Fine," He sighed setting the letter down and leaning on the counter, "What's the plan then?"

"I don't know," I sighed resting my hands on my hips as I turned back to him, "It's all a bit of a whirlwind. I don't wanna go back, I want to stay here. I love it here, I've made a life here, I have a flat, a job, I don't want to just pack what I can and go back to some shit stain in Brooklynn till I can come back. If they'll even let me back,"

He sighed, "Come here,"

I sighed treading across the shop, resting my forehead on his shirt, and he slowly encircled me in his arms, laying his cheek on my head,

"We'll figure it out," He said, "You know I'd look after stuff for you till you got back,"

"I know. I just... don't want to leave,"

"Is there any way of getting your Visa extended?"

"Nope."

"Can you apply for a new visa?"

"Not without going back to the US,"

"...Can... you apply for a different visa like a student or something?"

"Not without being arrested,"

"Fine," he sighed, "Natty?"

"Umm? What's going on in that head Malcolm?"

"Ohh no idea I have no clue what's going on in my noggin," He sighed, "But... You can stay if you're are a British citizen,"

"Yes, but I'm not."

"But can we make you one?"

"Again with the crimes Malcolm,"

"Sorry I don't have a lot of respect for the actual laws" He sighed, "But... it's possible, right? just go for the citizenship test?"

"I have to have been here five years."

"Ah."

"And the test takes six months,"

"...God damn with these wait times," He sighed, "Okay..." Suddenly his eyes lit up,

"Oh god. I know that look,"

"You can apply for British citizenship for if you marry a British person."

"...They still might throw me out-"

"But they'll let you come back and stay forever if you are married to a Brit."

"And how exactly do you suggest I do this?"

He simply looked down at me, "Hi natty,"

"... Malcolm... are you... suggesting what I think you are?"

"You wanna do some immigration fraud with me?" He chuckled,

"Why is it always crimes with you?"

"Come on think about it? A quick trip up the registry office, sign our lives away. Boom you're my wife! You can apply for citizenship, and even if they make you wait a couple months it'll at least delay it and then you can stay here in London."

"As nice an idea as it is, they would know it's bullshit." I chuckled going back to stocking,

"How?"

"We're not romantically involved?"

"They don't know that," He shrugged, "All the office is gonna see is us turning up and signing a bit of paper, I'm sure we can hold hands and look cute and in love for like ten minutes."

"Okay, but what happens during the application process when they start asking questions? we can't fake a relationship"

"Pretty sure we can natty,"

"We have no evidence of anything,"

"... We have evidence of you working in a business that I co-own, We're already pretty good mates so people have seen us together at pubs and such, we have photos of us together, you have ticket stubs from bands I've managed, sounds like we could work all that into pretty believable friends into lovers kinda thing," he explained, "and technically I'm not on Viv's apartment paperwork haven't ever been so just claim I moved in with you and we live together"

"...I- I don't like how quickly you came up with that." I glared, "Malcolm is this the first time you've thought about this?" I asked suspiciously,

He looked a little sheepish, "I may have had this on a back burner in my brain,"

"For how long?"

"...A... amount of time."

"Okay, but even so what's gonna happen when they come checking it legit?"

"Again. I'm pretty sure we can fake it for... an hour if someone came around to check it,"

"So they turn up at eight am on a random Wednesday and find me very much alone and single in my flat?"

"Say I'm out, call me and I'll come by with like some shopping or something and we can fake it from there," He shrugs, "Or..."

"Or?"

"Or... I can move in?" He sighed, "At least for like a while till we know they don't suspect anymore, I kinda need a new place to live anyway,"

"You do? What's wrong with the flat?"

"Viv refuses to buy me food anymore, she's been an ice queen, the kid doesn't want me around and she keeps bringing that damn boy toy of hers over and fucking him. I think half the time just to piss me off."

I crossed my arms, "So the trade here is, I get to stay here potentially forever by you pretending to be my husband, and you get an apartment where you don't have to listen to your Ex fuck her boyfreind?"

"That's the jist of it yeah Natty, So? shall we?"

"... Alright Deal."

I felt... rather weird about all this, I mean I'm happy I get to stay... but I mean, can I really pull off being in love with Malcolm? Let alone the various potential checkups. He'd already moved into my spare room and honestly, things were really nice, I kinda liked seeing him more, and only having to do half my chores. I like that a lot. And not having to take the bus as he lets me drive his car ... I like that too. I stood inside the store trembling a little to think this was really happening.

I never thought I'd get married,

Least of all to Malcolm of all people,

As Vivienne tightened the back of the dress she'd made for me, which... I had thought was kind of her at first... Now... I'm almost convinced it was a murder attempt.

I know Viv has never exactly been the biggest fan of me, never knew why. I assume personality clash. But... these last few weeks have felt like personal attacks.

The dress was... chaotic of course with ripped white petticoats, a black latex stained with red paint, one torn tulle sleeve, and a corset back which she was currently lacing me into... Violently.

"Oww!" I whined a little,

"Oh suck it in Y/n." She demanded,

I sighed and did my best not to complain, I mean it's a free wedding dress. And I can always say I got married in a Vivienne Westwood.

Just... to Malcolm... which sounds far less impressive.

"Viv?"

"Mhm?" She asked as she worked tightening it more,

"Are you... Okay with all this?"

"Fine." She snapped,

"It- It's not like-"

"I'm fine. Not like Malcolm and I were together for several years, have a child together and never once did either of us want to subscribe to the modern slavery of marriage," She said with a pointed tone to her voice,

"It's not romantic. It's just for paperwork." I told her,

"Mhm. That's why you've moved in together." She snapped finishing the dress, "You're done."

"Thank you," I nodded trying not to be rude as I slowly emerged from the dressing room,

"Awwww You look so pretty!" Jordon smiled at me,

"Thanks," I smiled trying not to feel... a little giddy,

I'm getting married even if it's for show it's still kinda exciting,

"I did my best," Viv sighed sitting on the chair with a glare in my direction,

"You'll make a really nice bride Y/n," Jordon smiled,

"Thank you," I blushed a little,

The moment was broken however by the sound of Malcolm as he came from the back room, singing 'Here comes the bride' to himself or well...

"Bum, bum, bum bum. Bum, bum, bum bum."

Until he emerged, in his latex trousers, his sheer black shirt and a leather jacket leaning on the wall,

Jordon wolf-whistled at him, and Viv just rolled her eyes,

"The groom is here," He smirked, "Now where's my blushing bride?"

"Hi," I waved,

"Hi," He smiled coming to look at my dress, "You look really nice Natty,"

"I do?"

"Very cute," He smiled taking my hand and giving me a little spin, "a very lovely bride for visa purposes. So? Shall we?"

"Alright, let's do this," I nodded,

He squeezed my hand and we headed out of the shop and down to his little green mini, He went to the driver's door and opened it for me, "Mi lady,"

"Thank you, sir," I chuckled climbing in and getting prepped to try and drive in this damn dress as he climbed in the passenger side, so I started up and headed down the streets,

"Does Viv hate you?" He asked looking at the dress more,

"I'm starting to think she might," I nodded,

"Well, I think you look nice,"

"Thanks, Malcolm," I chuckled,

"Remember we need to look loving."

"But not too loving like we're faking it."

"Exactly, so just let me handle it." He smiled

I nodded trying to focus on driving.

It was all over and done so quickly, so simply, made me wonder why I hadn't done this years back. Literally, it was a ten-minute queue, a five-minute chat with an officiant, signing our names, taking a copy and that's it. we didn't even have to fake kiss... which I'm mad about, cause Malcolm has been insisting we practice for like the last three days, Legally We're married.

We drove back to the apartment grabbing a fish and chips takeaway for dinner on the way home, I unlocked the flat door and went to step in but he stopped me,

"Yes?"

"I have to carry you,"

"What?"

"I have to carry you over the threshold," He chuckled,

"You really don't have to,"

"I want to, Come on Natty,"

"Fine," I rolled my eyes,

"Up we go little lady," He chuckled picking me up and tossing me over his shoulder ignoring my squeals as he carried me into the apartment and tossed me down on the sofa, "Hey wife,"

"Hey, husband,"

"How long do we have to do the whole... faking being in love thing?"

"Just a couple months, until they do all the checks and stuff," he said shutting the door, dumping dinner in the kitchen and sitting down with me, "Or... you know, for simplicity's sake? We could just... do this forever?"

"What?"

"Maybe... we could, kinda just be husband and wife?"

"Are you serious?"

"Deadly,"

"... was this... all some scheme!"

"Less of a scheme and more of, I had come up with the concept in theory ages back and when I read your letter I kinda just went for it..." he explained, "Frankly even I'm surprised I got this far,"

"You absolute cunt."

"We just got married and you're just now figuring that out?"

"You are a dick." I chuckled, "You really couldn't just ask me out like a normal person you had to wait and convince me to marry you just as my visa was about to expire, move in with me, and have us go through a whole wedding."

"Chaos." He smirked, "You're like my best mate you really have never picked up that I like you?"

"...Kinda, never really thought about it too hard," I chuckled,

"And... do you?"

"I mean, yeah but I never thought..." I began, "I hate you sometimes," I chuckled laying my head on his shoulder,

"Hate you too Natty, my cute little wife," He chuckled pulling me onto his lap and letting us share a rather tender kiss, "Now... there is one more thing we need to do to make this marriage nice and legitimate,"

"Oh?" I rasied an eyebrow,

"We need... to consume our married don't we?"

"That's not a thing Malcolm and hasn't been for many, many decades."

"Ohh it's a thing little lady, They could say our marriage is null and void if we didn't consummate it. So? shall we?"

"...Okay," I blushed a little,

"Come on Natty, let's go make our marriage bed messy." He smirked picking me up with him and carrying me towards my bedroom,

I yawned a little as I heard the screams and cries from the nursery, But I stirred and gave Malcolm an elbow,

"You're turn,"

"Hummm?" He groans,

"baby. Crying. Do something."

"I did it last time."

"No, I did. Go on husband off you go,"

"Fine," He yawns sitting up and rubbing his eyes, and wandering through the apartment to go check on the baby, and of course, he was back fairly soon holding baby Iris, "She requires boobs,"

"Alright," I sighed sitting up and taking her to give her a feed,

Malcolm came and sat down beside me in the bed, "Morning Natty,"

"Morning Malcolm,"

"She's a hungry girl this morning,"

"Umm she didn't want to feed last night so she's probably hungry, silly girl,"

"Silly little Iris," He chuckled, "How's mummy this morning?"

"Fine, How's daddy?"

"Happier now his girls are here," he cooed, giving my cheek and her head a small kiss,

"There we go all done," I cooed as she finished up so I wiped her little chin and handed her to Malcolm as he was better at burping her,

"what's the plan?"

"sleep. then... chaos."

"I love it." he agreed, "Come on then you back to bed," He cooed as he finished burping her and he carried her back to her crib soon returning and crawling back into bed for a cuddle,

I smiled and cuddled up close to him rubbing my nose on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me close,

"Y/n?"

"Yes, Malcolm,"

"I love ya,"

"I love ya too," I chuckled giving his lips a gentle sleepy kiss,

"...As we're both awake... did you maybe wanna?" he smirked peppering my neck with kisses,

"why do you always get horny in the morning?"

"Cause I've been dreaming of you all night," He smirked, "so? shall we?"

"Come here you stupid man," I cooed pulling him into a kiss and slowly dragging him on top of me, 

[youremyheaven]

Hi there. Princess here. How are you, sunshine? I'm planning on running away from the country. Not like actually running away but as in leaving everyone behind and never coming back. It's not possible right now obviously but maybe in a couple of years. It was decided that I'll be a doctor (by my parents obviously and I have accepted that I'll do it cause I'm better at biology and it just interests me more than mathematics and as a field medicine is better than engineering for me so I had no choice but to just accept my fate) and I'm giving NEET next year. I am running away cause that's the only option I have if I wanna live my life the way I want to. I am from a very conservative and controlling background and even though our family is full of scholars and highly educated people with most having a PhD they're not the most open minded people out there. With them having a career that you wanna pursue, marrying the guy you want to, wearing clothes that you wanna wear, everything is impossible. I'm a muslim so a burqa is what they want me to wear which I hate cause I refuse to hide myself just because my hair can arouse a man. We're also from a caste that's on top of the caste hierarchy so they're hellbent on marrying their children off to guys Only from that caste and and his family has to be purely from that caste too 🙄. All these things are absurd to me and I won't do anything like that. So basically I have to live in a prisoner, marry the guy of their choice that will probably abuse me and force me to have kids and ruin their life as well. I'll just become my mom which is my biggest fear in life. I don't wanna end up like her. I refuse to live like that. Like a sex slave for my husband who pushes out a baby for him every year. In islam you can't refuse to sleep with your husband cause the Almighty would be angry with you and angels will curse you till your husband's satisfied so yeah you can guess how happy that marriage is going to be. And it's only One aspect that's fucked up, I haven't even told you about the other things. So yeah I'm gonna run away from here to a place where no one knows me and never look back. But I don't know what to do? Should I wait till my MBBS is done and apply for a student visa and a university then? I'm really confused about the practical aspect of things and i wonder if you or any other kind sissy could help me with it

sorry for the delayed response...my life was being a bit eventful (when is it not, tbh lmao 😪🤐)

there is a lot to unpack here and i just want to say, im proud of you for having your shit together mostly despite the circumstances you're dealing with, you're one STRONGGG COOKIE

as someone who comes from a domestically violent/abusive household and has moved out and moved on in life, i feel like im a bit qualified to answer this?

first of all, don't just do a degree as intensive as MBBS because you feel like you have no choice. i know your situation and how your parents aren't giving you a choice etc etc BUT BBG you can manifest your way out of anything, im sorry if I sound delusional but please just listen to subliminals and affirm that you can study something of your choice

i mean there's no harm in trying?? so?? just give it a shot

the reason im emphasizing on you getting a degree you actually like is because the ages between 18 and say 22 are foundational years and it moulds you as a person. if you're stuck doing a course that you don't like, you'll be burnt out and you'll struggle emotionally. please dont take on unnecessary trauma, life is hard as it is.

think about what you actually like and pray/manifest that your parents let you study it, THIS IS CRUCIAL

now onto the future/moving out/running away etc

first things first, adulthood is really fucking hard. i am almost 25 and ill tell you that much.

do not go no-contact with your family until you're completely financially secure enough to do so!!!

look at freelance work, side hustles etc etc and find ways to make an income. start saving. as long as you financially depend on your family, they will control you.

so get a degree of your choice. hopefully your parents send you off to a hostel or pg or something. (manifest that for yourself) and then FIND A JOB

in the next few years, your focus should be entirely on saving money and making money. and in this day and age, money is really not that hard to make. people make $$$ selling feet pics (not that im suggesting you should but im just saying) so like there are a million opportunities if u start digging around

you can apply for masters abroad, get a scholarship, take a loan etc etc work part-time and live independently. a million people do it, you can too.

DO NOT RUN AWAY UNLESS YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO MANAGE YOUR EXPENSES + A JOB TO RELY ON/A STEADY SOURCE OF INCOME

living independently is hella expensive bbg you have no idea, rent/electricity/water/FOOD/commute/GROCERIES/medicine, EVERYTHING COSTS MONEY. there was a time when i was so broke i only had 80 rupees left in my bank account and if it weren't for the readings i do on tumblr, id have starved or idk what would've happened to me

NOBODY WILL RESCUE YOU. im not saying this to be harsh but in the real world, no matter how kind and understanding your friends/partners are of your family and situation, no one can save you. you have to save yourself. i couldn't even afford to eat 1 meal a day and i had no friends to help me and it has taught me everything about life. trust me when i say this, when you're alone in a city, broke and struggling, its just you against this world and it can be very very lonely and very very depressing. im just saying this to give you a reality check.

i dont talk to anybody anymore because ive realised their true colours and learnt that the grace or kindness i extend to others will never be reciprocated, least of all when i desperately need it. i stayed in a horrible relationship, so i wouldnt go hungry or be homeless. make of that what you will.

anyways thats the reality of the world we live in.

if i could do anything differently, id have saved a lot of money, invested it or managed it differently and planned things better

SO PLEASE.

have a game plan. list out all the things you will need. calculate the cost and double that because you will need that much money. AND GET A DEGREE.

another thing is, its better to ghost your family or separate yourself from them to whatever extent you want when you're a bit older because babygirl this world is full of horrible people and as abusive as your family is, you still have a safety net right now

if you're 18, 19, 20 and living and working on your own, things can go HORRIBLY wrong. it may not but india is not a safe country and you're going to be surrounded by people who will try to take advantage of you. please finish your degree first, get a masters too if you want to and THEN when you're 22-23 and old enough to have your shit together, ghost your family or live alone or whatever. its still gonna be hard but trust me, i work with a 20yr old girl who comes from an abusive family and i know the way people at work treat her and i know how difficult things are for her to manage (financially, emotionally and otherwise) SO JUST PLEASE, entering the work force at a very young age is soulcrushing and people wont take you seriously and you wont even get paid much.

get a good education. take additional courses/certifications. find remote work. make good contacts at your university. do internships. build a network. get a good job. save money.

life can turn around in miraculous ways. i believe in you and i have faith.

please dont do anything dumb

if you or any other young women (or just anybody tbh) needs to talk about anything of this sort, im here to listen and ill give you my 2 cents

as someone who has been there and done that, its no fucking joke and im so fkn glad i didnt listen to any of the bitches who gave me horrible advice about running away when i was younger

[vermilliondevth]

I have been reflecting on myself and the past few years and how heartbreak has changed me. For the past week, I have been in constant communication with Immigration and my employer because my employer does not believe that I have the right to work and stay in this country due to going through a divorce recently. I have showcased proof, and immigration itself confirmed to me a couple of times that my Visa has not been affected, but until my employer has it all in writing, I won't be able to go back to work. So I am again in a queue waiting for someone to provide a solution to this issue so I can end this misunderstanding once and for all. There was a moment in time when issues of this calibre would affect me - I would cry endlessly and would have to spend several days in complete solitude to process my emotions and to gain the strength to "fight" back. When my employer sat down with me and broke the news, I didn't flinch. She asked me several times if I was okay since it was odd that I had a calm demeanour. I still haven't cried about this issue - it is as if my heart was set that if this is what is meant for me, it will be, and if it isn't, it simply isn't. Life has shown me in so many different ways how two things can be true at once - how pain can lead to the betterment of your existence if you let it help you expand through it. How you can love a person unconditionally and devote yourself entirely to them, but the incompatibilities can be much more palpable than the desire to put in the hard work to make love last. The only way to appreciate joy is to know pain and vice versa. I have become so acquainted with reality that now, it is much harder for me to express how I truly feel to others freely - although this reassures me that I can handle things on my own now. It does not take away the fact that deep down inside, I wish I could be cradled in someone's arms to feel like I am not completely alone, but I am well aware that the depths of my internal experience could never be fully healed by just an embrace alone, or understood by someone who has never truly embraced another. The truth is - for me to become a flower in full bloom and display my true nature to others, I need to make sure that the other can handle my intensity and is willing to have open communication with me, in a way where we can establish trust and transparency and manage to solve problems head-on. If I do not feel that there is a sense of nurturance and acceptance in the room and that the other accepts the fact that I can be simultaneously assertive and gentle while showcasing my truest emotions, there is just no way I can open my heart and share myself. I will keep everything hidden and independently move along, regardless of how much it hurts my inner, soft nature.

It has been years since I've been able to feel this level of safety, which forces me to remain stoic and only present my impenetrating shell to the outer world. But this is what I must do to conserve the sanity I have trained myself to maintain. Life is a game where you must prove how well you can survive, and at this very moment, I am giving whatever it takes to fight for my life.

[corruptedplaylist]

act iii: final notes

edit: 4/9/2024: added some more stuff!!! i'll put this emoji 🫧 next to the new things so u know where to scroll.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH I FINISHED MY FIRST FULL LENGTH FIC HOLD ON LEMME JUST THROW UP IN THE CORNER REAL QUICK

i am sooooooo normal rn anyways let's get into it thank u for having me on the show, mr. kimmel. i've had a raging headache all day so the content underneath each sections will be kinda short. i'll go through and add more to it once i recover but i wanted to get this up before the week got too busy!

krolia

guys…. im so sorry for the angst….. it was necessary for the plot…….

maybe it’s just me projecting but in the actual show, i kind of wish we had seen more of the emotional fallout that occurred after krolia revealed that she was keith’s mom. because let’s be real here, there’s no way that keith’s traumatized ass would just willingly accept her back into his life. he’d have questions. he’d be in disbelief. it’s hard for him to open up to others and he carries a lot of hurt from being abandoned.

it was crucial in the course of this fic to have that confrontation between krolia and keith. it's not always going to be rainbows and sunshine, and even though they both missed each other deeply, you don't just automatically connect and forget everything that's happened. even if keith hadn't gone into the foster system, he definitely would have carried a lot of anger and hurt towards krolia when she shows back up. i'm sure that things won't just be smooth sailing and they'll need to hash things out multiple times as they rebuild their relationship but that first fight was a big hurdle to get over.

if you’re curious, i have a whooollleeee backstory for what happened with krolia and why she couldn’t get back to her kid. i couldn’t really fit it into the fic but i’ll put it right here for those who are interested:

2000: krolia in the US on student visa, first year of of PhD program

krolia meets heath and they fall in love

2003: krolia gives birth to keith

2008: krolia finishes grad school/PhD program/doctoral degree and applies for a work visa 

2009: she and heath and baby keith are living their life but krolia’s parents find out and are like girl you need to come home NOW or we will disown you 

krolia’s family are really wealthy and powerful 

krolia: i’ll come back for you guys idk how but i will 

krolia goes back to the states

2009-2011: she and heath write letters but then the letters start getting intercepted by the family and eventually peters out

krolia in arranged marriage and thinks her partner forgot about her or didn’t care

meanwhile heath doesn’t know what happened to krolia but can’t do anything about it bc she’s in a diff country and he doesn’t speak korean

2011: heath and keith move to texas for job or whatever

heath tells keith all about krolia and how she loves him but can’t be there and obvi that fucks keith up bc he misses his mom but where tf is she? how does he know she loves him if she’s not even there? he's a little kid

2013: heath dies and keith is put into the system

heath has no other family members

krolia put her english name on the birth certificate and so ofc she doesn’t exist in the US

texas social services try to reach out to krolia along with some friends but letters are intercepted

2016: someone reaches out to krolia after she finally gets facebook 

friend: thinking of you. miss you. so sorry about heath

krolia: …. what the fuck about heath?

friend: uhhhhhhhh

krolia goes on rampage to her family like wtf u mean u didn’t tell me that the father of my child is dead

cousin shows up with the intercepted letters (official notice from social services, heath’s letters and pictures, keith’s little notes and drawings)

krolia starts the process of legally and financially emancipating herself from her family (she basically was Britney’d)

2017/2018: finally is free and able to get a job in the states

starts tracking down heath (they only had a forwarding address for krolia so they’re like wtf who is this bih)

at this point, keith has already met the shiroganes and changed his name

krolia is in a different state and can only do so much 

spends the next few years trying to find him, hires P.I., again keep running into blocks bc social workers and case managers are NOT going to budge on giving up keith's personal information

2023, winter break: krolia reaches out to keith through facebook but it goes into his spam since they’re not facebook friends

allura

what better allegory for sacrificing yourself to save the universe is there than graduating college? in all fairness, i felt like sticking to the notion of allura saying goodbye and leaving the group had its merit, just y’know, i wanted to take a step down from the whole dying thing. i tried to pay homage to the canon material as much as possible while also providing my own spin on things.

one thing that’s been important to me is depicting allura as a college student. sure, while i think most iterations of allura as a kind and a great leader and intelligent are great, even in modern au fics, i just wish there had been a bit more... silliness? outside of her being like the girlboss, the hell yeah supporting character or love interest or bone-tired leader, i always wonder what she would have been like if she hadn't had to save the universe and was just trying to heal on her own terms. yeah, i nerfed her parents in this universe but i tried to showcase her doing normal college things as well, like presenting at research conferences, getting a bit messy drunk, having pizza nights and group hang outs. the funny thing about grief is that life does not stop for it, so you have to just figure things out along the way.

i also didn't want to elaborate too much on her relationship with lotor. she didn't magically heal from that one conversation with lance in chapter 8 but i wanted the readers to get a taste of what was going on in her head through their dialogue. plus, it was a little moment to show how she was allowing herself to open up to other people like lance. no one woman is an island, no matter how much of a bad b!tch you are.

🫧 also, i wanted to include it somewhere but basically, keith knew allura and romelle were hooking up since chapter 14! keith caught romelle sneaking out of allura's room early one morning and he just kept it to himself because snitches get stitches.

pidge

they are so precious to me. they're an amalgamation of 2 of my closest friends, and well, me.

i always knew that pidge was going to be a super important piece in klance development. while lance and keith are great friends, i think pidge played a crucial role in bridging them together in the beginning, before the two of them had cleared up their misunderstandings and made that truce. sure, allura asked them to be on the paintball team but pidge really forced the two of them into close quarters. lance might have extended the offer to keith to hand out without pidge or he might not have. honestly, i'm not really sure. but pidge inviting keith to hang out in chapter 4 was a quiet but big moment because both keith and lance are friends with pidge and will set aside their differences long enough to tolerate each other's presence in a shared space. pidge just has #babyofthefriendgroup privileges.

🫧 i honestly think that after the main two, pidge has undergone the most growth (physically and emotionally) throughout the fic, even though they're a supporting character. we can all benefit from community and friendship but i think pidge needed it a little bit more.

🫧 i partially wrote pidge to represent my younger self, especially when i first attended college. i was scared and alone and i had never been away from home and it was a struggle to form new relationships (and figure out my gender identity. mannnnnn fuck that). it was nice to see pidge find their place and niche among the greater social fabric of college, kind of like comforting my younger self for all the loneliness and uncertainty i endured.

hunk

i love hunk so dearly. ngl, i wanted him to have a bigger arc than he did but hopefully i did a decent job at making feel more well-rounded as a supporting character. i decided to actually kind of lean into this distance in the later chapters as well, esp from lance's pov, as they both got busier. at the end of the day, though, i knew that those two would come back together. hunk is a kind and sympathetic friend and his and lance's friendship will persevere because they're good communicators. their little talk in chapter 17 was me talking to myself and to anyone else who has went through a similar thing where they find themselves drifting a little farther from a friend.

people get busy and that's okay! there will be ebbs and flows in every relationship. even though shared history is a crucial part of a friendship but it can't be the only thing that will keep it going. you need to nurture it and tend to it in order for it to keep it alive and flourishing. hunk understands this and he and lance will be just fine after their talk. hunk is probably the most emotionally intelligent person after adam in the group, and i'm glad he was there to help both lance and keith out when they needed it.

adam

this man!!!!! got i have gotten so fucking attached to adam throughout this fic. he is so dear to me. i know in chapter 10 i wrote from adam's pov and he's a goofy guy in his twenties who's just trying to be a good dad friend but somehow he ended up being a voice of reason and comfort for klance in this fic. lance misses his family a lot and i think adam can not only relate to lance with the homesickness but also lance has started to rely on him a bit like he would with his siblings.

i wanted to try my own spin on adam and keith's relationship. i've seen fics where adam and keith hate each other, don't interact much, or adam takes on a parenting role towards keith as a kid. i wanted to look at keith and adam in the context of two people who both love shiro and then grow to be good friends/surrogate brother-in-law? idk. long story short, adam is very emotionally intelligent and i think he genuinely wanted to get to know keith outside of his connection with shiro and was patient enough to coax keith out of his shell. i tried to write in small ways adam takes care of keith like giving him LactoJoys because Keith likes the taste better than Lactaids, being there for him for his panic attack, adding food to his plate. things that won't draw too much attention, because we all know how keith is about receiving acts of kindness.

i mentioned this in a comment under one of the chapters but all of the advice adam gives keith is either advice i personally received myself or something i wish i could tell my younger self. i hope those words bring you comfort as well!

shiro

i had a lot more planned for shiro but goddammit i had no fucking time or space at this panned out. it's more so klance's story than shiro's.

look, there's a small moment in chapter 18 where shiro is very pleased (and a little surprised) that keith has talked about him with krolia. it has less to do with his faith in keith and more with how he sees himself. shiro has already acknowledged that he has heavy imposter syndrome and deals with his own struggles with self image. it's just always a jolt to your system when someone (could be your own family or your partner of years) validates your relationship.

shiro loves keith very much and just wants to be the best big brother. he has such eldest child syndrome, where he tries to pretend that everything is fine even though things are actually crumbling around him. the thing is, though, you can't build intimacy— real, lasting intimacy and depth in a relationship— without being vulnerable. shiro understands that even though he wants keith to work on opening up, he has to do the same and reciprocate the actions, or else neither of them will really get anywhere and be stuck in that loop of "are you mad at me/i feel like you're hiding something from me/i don't really know who you are."

i tried writing a bit from shiro's pov but i quickly realized that that would drastically change the tone of the fic so i had to scrap it. i might post a little oneshot in the distant future with adashi, though.

keith

🫧 i've talked about this before but although i think keith grew the most as a character in the canon show, that shit was WAY too fast and off-screen. also, i know that the whole found family trope is what drew a lot of fans to voltron in the first place (like me) but is the found family in the room with us rn? i felt like they all started to fall apart or at least weren't as close as the show wanted us to believe. it felt a lot like telling with no showing. other than some occasional moments in the show, the whole #teamasfamily felt hollow.

🫧 i wanted to build on this potential found family for keith's character. he's never had a support system before and he's used to pushing people away but now he has a whole ass friend group that's ready to fight for him if he gives the word.

🫧 initially, when i was writing keith's pov and trying to get a feel for his voice and tone, i struggled a bit. keith is one of those characters that i liked and sympathized with, but getting into his head was a whole different story. i'm more of a lance kinnie but once i got the hand of keith's voice, it was a lot easier. some of my best pieces of writing are from keith's pov! i tried to be as cognizant of keith's development as much as possible as i wrote (think me having various checkpoints for his journey whereas with lance i could just coast on vibes), and i'm pleased with how far he's come.

🫧 although both keith and lance's progress can showcased through their consciousness and thoughts (like duh ur reading from their povs), i leaned into keith's behavior as a way to portray his progress a bit more than lance. things like him being more open to physical affection, not sitting on the outskirts of group dynamics and sticking to shiro, and allowing himself to collect things, which by the way:

🫧 i like the idea of keith's room, once being so empty and ghost-like, is now full of stuff, mementos of his relationships that he's built. i tried to sprinkle in some relics from past chapters (paintball flag, polaroids, ticket stubs), as well add some new tidbits, like shiro giving him a cacti and that korean cookbook!

proud of u, keith bby <3

lance and marco

no i did not just torture lance for the sake of torturing him i would never do that to my boy.

i know this is a fanfiction, but from the start, i wanted to ground this fic in reality and breathe some life into it. lance's little arc with his brother having a substance abuse problem was loosely inspired by events in my personal life.

🫧 i'm not saying that everyone goes through something as drastic as a loved one going to rehab, but as young adults, when we leave home for uni, jobs, other opportunities, etc, there's this worry that something bad will happen while we're away. and often times it does. someone gets sick, a beloved pet passes away, it's all bound to happen. your childhood becomes a thing of the past, and things that you thought would stay the same just won't.

i projected a lot of my feelings onto lance ngl, and writing him work through his own grief and guilt over not being able to be with his family when they're going through a crisis helped me process a little bit more.

although lance had a happier ending than a lot of families might get in reality, i still wanted to show lance having a support system at college and realizing that he has a second family to lean on, and people who love and support him. he doesn't have to pretend to be okay for anyone and that's okay.

black paladin lance or as close to it as i could get

it was so important for me to make lance the new captain of their paintball team, as a stand-in for the black paladin arc he could have had in the show. he’s always been a selfless guy who puts others first and really pulls up when he needs to. he deserves to be recognized for that. not only did every single one of his friends validate him, but the person he looks up to the most literally endorsed him. lance struggles with his inferiority complex and the election scene was a little feel good moment for me, personally, so that he could receive the acknowledgement he deserves, especially with his growth. he's gonna be an awesome team captain (he'll be shuffling down to shiro's room at 2am covered in hickeys and talking about paintball strategies).

wrapping up loose ends

i tried to wrap up as many loose ends as possible and give all the characters a proper send-off. originally i wanted lance and hunk to also move into the house in castle street, like repurpose the basement or something but i realized that that just wasn’t possible because most college basements don’t even have heating or like,,,, a livable arrangement.

ultimately, i think it makes sense for pidge to be the one to take up allura’s room at the house. pidge has lived a single during the academic year but they also had lance and hunk right fifty feet away so it’s not like they REALLY lived alone that year. there was also the logistics of the house having a vacant room, and as much as i would have loved to have all of voltron under the same roof (hunk and pidge sharing a room, keith and lance sharing a room), i think they would kill each other. pidge filling in the gap felt like the right move. and lance and hunk are gonna be over a lot anyways, so it’s not like much has changed in the trio's group dynamic.

🫧 what was your favorite chapter to write?

i think i have different chapters in mind for different reasons, even if it's a copout answer. here are the chapters that are dearest to me:

chapter 4: recalibration this is the chapter where i really got to play around with character interactions. keith and lance's worlds were beginning to integrate in chapter 3 but in this chapter, i got to explore different friendships, like keith & pidge and lance & hunk, and the dynamics they entailed. you can see how important these friendships are to both lance and keith, and how their connection with others eventually helps them to reflect on their previous feelings toward each other, like "hmm maybe i've been too harsh with the other."

chapter 10: let's go to the beach the group dynamics were so solidified to this point, and it was so fun to write. i loved writing from adam's pov and being able to zoom out and showcase klance's relationship progression.

the winter break interludes i waxed poetic about these in a previous faq but to reiterate: i'm really pleased with the way each individual chapter turned out. i love a good character study, and it was a great challenge to my writing and characterization to dig deeper into their home lives and see how the past confronted the present, where their respective childhoods were brought into the light, and how long-held notions of belonging, home, and identity were challenged and remolded.

chapter 17: warm and light my beta reader drunkenguac said that this was some of my best writing and i've been coasting off of that validation for the past 4 months. keith's reunion with his mother was especially cathartic for me. as an adoptee, writing this chapter honestly helped me work through some of my feelings about my adoption as i pictured what it would look like if i was ever reunited with my birth mother. i'm very fortunate that i didn't have to go through the same experiences keith did, but i tried to imbue as much humanness as possible into his section.

chapter 18: moving on it just felt like a proper send-off, the one that we never got from s8 of voltron. i wanted the last chapter to basically have this vibe of "hey, things won't be the same but it's going to be okay because we have each other." when shiro tells matt in the end, "we'll still be here," that's me as the author, telling you, the reader, that this fic will still be here whenever you want to revisit it. it was a comfort to write and i've heard that it's a comfort to read, which is so so so gratifying. when i set out to write this fic in august of 2023, i didn't have any plans of grandeur or even expect like more than 100 people read it— it was just a passion project that i decided to share, and i'm glad that others have sought safety in it. outside of fandom, this fic is a love letter to my own college experience. i remember reading a college au fic when i was still in high school and lonely and closeted and repressed and wondering if i would ever be able to get out of my hometown and find a community as tightly-knit as the fic portrayed it. in a way, i got to reflect on my college experience by writing looking out for you. i find solace in this fic when i read back over it, and i can see aspects of my adventures throughout my freshman and sophomore and junior and senior years, waving from behind a thinly veiled curtain. this fic is dedicated to all the people who made my college experience.

anyways that's me rambling for now! thank you again to everyone who has tuned into looking out for you. this is the first piece of creative writing i've done in a long time, and i never expected to actually finish it. i'm so happy with the way it turned out and the love it's received. until next time!

[abyssower]

Sometimes i feel so tired. Life is running so fast and i just can't catch it. Everything becomes annoying and i can do nothing and can change nothing. I have no strenght even if i feel so much power to do something phisical. I even have no strenght to talk. I feel annoyance because of every little thing i saw or hear. I do not know should i laugh or cry because i want both. And what's much worse i don't have time to think about it. False. I have time sometimes but then i'm so tired that i don't want to think about anything. Can i get my brain out of my body and just get some break?

I'm sure that this text have so many mistakes (especially with articles or structure of sentences. Maybe with some prepositions) but i don't care. It's just another try to practice English by writing my thoughts and i know that then i shouldn't feel careless about it but i do. It's almost midnight right now and i just sitting right on street. I'm listening to sad song whose words i don't notice anymore because they became white noise. My cat came to me and now I'm feeling warm a little more. I'm going to sleep outside today because it's maybe the last warm night this year. I'm just writing everything that comes to my mind. Please, if somebody's reading it, don't worry, i just tired because of two last week. I will rest and then i will be okay. I'm writing it because i needed to say it and because ma brain wants to sleep but my body doesn't. Or vice versa. I never could understand myself such moments.

I'm seeing a very beautiful moon and i'm sorry that my camera can't take a good photo of it. Clouds are beautiful too. The wood on horizon is impressive. It looks so dark so i can't make out individual trees even with the bright moonlight. It turns black and catches all my attention. I don't think i'm using tenses correctly. Forget it. Stars are so awesome. Everytime i think about they i feel cold on my skin because i can't believe that these tiny dots in the dark blue sky are the huge fire balls whose size is so colossal that their light reaches us despite the fact that the human life won't be enough to fly to them. I really like thinking about stars and space because knowledge of my insignificance compared to them makes me calm. The world doesn't need me and my life hardly ever be significant to it. Maybe i can make somebody's life some better (or worse. but i really try to don't do it) but i never can't act in the whole world scale.

So, i start feel cold so i need to lay under the blanket. I really feel some better. Seems like this letters to nowhere really help. Maybe not with my english. Although sometimes i lose hope to travel somewhere abroad anyway. Maybe i' will get stuck in my country forever and i will be able only to dream about foreign towns and roads. Maybe it's to late to left home because i see everyday moving to another country and changing citizenship become onle harder and harder. Getting even toutist visa is already hard. I promised to myself don't thing about something complicated tonight but it seems like my thoughts can get me to abyss if i accept it and do not resist. I think i need to finish it. They were, are and will be hated by me if they continue attacking me (i finally got confused with tenses) and don't let me rest.

I can't see the moon anymore because it set behind the wood so now i’m definitely going to sleep. Everyone, who for some reason read this to the end, have a good day or night. I hope that you do not suffer from insomnia. I even won't reread this text which is full of mistakes, incoherent thoughts and absurd. Have sweet dreams!

[haila-wetyios]

I come from a third world country. Which makes it easy for peeps from the first world to have several misconceptions about living conditions or even where I am (my favourite is the one where they think Nicaragua is located in Africa, or me being Russian).

That said, my husband (who I now believe is the saint of patience in disguise) has done his best in the 10 years we've been together to try and at least explain to his family that no, I don't live in a hut, unaware of all commodities and twiddling my thumbs, trying to marry him to get a visa and dump him right away. Or that yes, there's several towns at my country with rich agriculture but all are modern enough that you won't feel like you're in the end of the world or in some random mountain in your tent (unless of course, you really wanted to go camping to all our green areas).

We got a half assed functioning capital city, we only have Summer all year round, and greens and dairy products are so rampant that there's tons of cheeses that I can't smuggle out to my friends because they come with zero preservatives and maybe some extra seasoning from the farmer hand that handled them that had no time to wash it before we got it.

We lack a few of the fancier things in current modern society yes (as in, old models of several things), but it reflects mostly in the lack of manners and survival of the fittest practice that we have to deal with on a daily basis against each other. And of course, the government insisting on getting the country to crumble from the inside and the oppression of those against it, but that's a topic for a different writing.

This of course, has not gotten through my dear mother in law's head, and now that I'm staying for a brief period of time with them to get the hang of Canada, everyday is a very wild day of hot takes from her strange assumptions about me, or the way she handles things in general. Here are some of them:

"That's a train! Have you ever seen/been on a train before?"

"Oh I just got organic milk! It's good for your body. Have you ever had organic milk?"

Asking which Canadian brand I have never heard off I would like for certain groceries.

Going through roads I've only seen once since first arriving and asking if they're familiar to me.

"OH I HAVE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO USE THE TV" *proceeds to press the ON button and tell me to choose Netflix on the menu*

Suggesting that since they got a bag full of toothpaste, lotions, deodorants and so on, that I could grab those and make small packets to bring back to gift to my friends and co-workers at home.

Being very confused as to why I would take a walk around the neighbourhood without my husband, who is chilling playing games and letting me do my own thing.

Asking my husband why I didn't cook him breakfast instead of us sharing duties on breakfast prepping.

Asking if I've ever had cheese from Portugal often (it's always a new different brand).

"Y'KNOWWHATIMEAN?" x8 times (minimum) to me during the day.

Trying to get me to agree that the current weather is blazing hot while I'm wearing at least 2 jackets.

Being very confused when I mentioned my parents went out on a fishing trip, asking why if our house 'is right next to the sea' (we live in the city).

Insisting that I accept several cloth donations.

Insisting that my family take several cloth donations.

Asking in different words if I've ever had boiled eggs???

Losing her mind when I mentioned we don't have sweet potatoes at home.

Being shocked that we grow our own herbs in the backyard (parsley, thyme, etc etc).

Now just in case, this doesn't upset me as much as it amuses me at this point. We deal with too much shit at home for misconceptions to get to me. But those are only the tip of the iceberg of everything I've seen and heard in roughly a week of being around. And I do have to admit, I'm both wondering while also being terrified of whatever misconception comes next. I've had several moments of giving the benefit of the doubt and my dear mother in law grabs those, and throws them into a home run far, far away.

She loves me and changing the way she thinks is definitely impossible. So just gotta take the list of things and roll with them I guess. In her eyes, I either popped out of thin air, or have been living in Canada for a long while, there's no in between image of me

[loveisonlyforthebrave8]

oh my god

who knew being able to go back to your own country would be such a hardship

long story short, my aussie passport expired and i have no idea where it actually is even if it was in date

but i thought, that's fine, i'll just use my british one and get myself a cheeky visa

but it turns out i'm apparently not allowed to use my british passport to get into australia because i'm an aussie citizen

but they won't let me in as an aussie citizen because i don't have an aussie passport

what in the fuck kinda bs is this