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somestansomewhere · 4 years

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Frank’s Dementia in 11a

Points to discuss:

Moments where Frank forgot.

Things he might be able to remember.

Other characters finding out.

Aftermath...

So to start of, I made a list of every instance in SEASON ELEVEN A, where Frank’s memory seemed a bit off, I’m not gonna analyze the whole series for this but I’m sure there’s more there. Now:

Moments Where Frank Forgot

11x01

1. Frank’s History of Chicago

While this does appear to imply just the opening monologue, there are actually several moments throughout the episode where Frank is talking about the Gallagher’s running Chicago to Alan. And while this seems like typical “Frank being drunk nonsense”, plus a spectacular opening to the season... I now see it in a different light especially after:

2. Frank’s Memory Elixir

Frank LITERALLY has a line asking for “memory elixir”, meaning booze, which Alan hands him. Ironic since he has ALCOHOLIC DEMENTIA. You can’t tell me that wasn’t intentional!

3. He Forgot Bars Were Closed

Now, I may be reaching here... BUT when Frank enters The Alibi for the first time this season (what a grand enterence btw) he says “I heard somewhere all bars were open again”. V responds by saying something along the lines of “three weeks ago maybe” and that the mayor shut them down again. Frank says “Well who the hell can keep track”. And okay, yeah maybe Frank genuinely didn’t know... but this is the bar he goes to EVERYDAY. Not to mention if they shut down less than THREE WEEKS AGO, Frank should know... idk this one might not count but I added it anyway. Kermit is unaware of bars being open/shut down in 11x03 so moving on:

11x02

4. The Alibi’s Secret Enterence

Okay, again REACHING! However, when Frank entered The Alibi through the Keg Zone door he forgot to use the “secret knock” and Kev had to remind him about it. Now in 11x01 he used the front door (and I’m not sure he knew to use the other door in that ep) but still at least he remembered to use the correct door in 11x02.

11x03

This is where it got noticeable.. strap in, here we go:

5. Taking Franny to School

He took her to the wrong school. This is the same person that knows the Southside perhaps better than his kids (lol), like the back of his hand! He not only took her to the wrong school but a middle/grade school. Franny is in elementary/preschool school. You can see in WHM’s face here that Frank was confused...

6. Uncle V and Aunt Kev

Maybe just a comedic slip up, but Frank calls Kev and V “Uncle V and Aunt Kev” as opposed to what they really are. Maybe he forgot? I’m reaching LOL.

7. Debbie Is Not Fiona

Frank talks about one of his favorite MEMORIES with Franny’s mom: Debbie, but “oh no, maybe that was Fiona”. Small moment, typical Frank but... nonetheless, poor memory. The writers are smart by mentioning Fiona in this scene... it’s “a Fiona mention”, we’re going to remember this, and that’s probably why they did it.

8. The Paper Store

Yeah, this was the first red flag for me and if I can recall, the moment EVERYONE knew something seemed off. Frank, walks out of the paper store with Franny and cannot remember where he is, or where they are headed. Once he is reminded of their “goals” for the day (by Franny, a five year old) he proceeds to head to the paper store... Franny once again let’s him know that they already went there and Frank notices the paper already in his (Franny’s) backpack. Ouch.

11x04

9. The Nation of Islam

Ooo this one hurt! After Frank suggests to visit The Nation of Islam in an attempt to get their help to get rid of the Milkoviches, him, Kev, and Liam do. We SEE them go there. It’s a whole scene, so later in the episode when Frank suggests to go ask them for help AGAIN as if it were a completely new idea, we as an audience know they already did that. As Kevin says they “JUST did that”. Frank forgot. Shit.

11x05

10. Mrs.McCurdy

Frank discusses with Kev about murdering Mrs.McCurdy, later he tries to murder her. We see it, we remember it becaue she grabbed Frank’s dick. It was funny, the scene evoked laughter, it forces the audience to remember it. Frank mindlessly walks into The Alibi and Kev asks Frank if he “did the thing”. Now at first Frank is confused. They were using “quotation talk” earlier so yeah I get it, but then when Kevin is more direct with Frank, Frank thinks Kev is implying that he had sex with Mrs.McCurdy... Frank is clearly confused. Only then does Kev point out that he meant MURDER. Frank takes a second, again if you watch he does not know what Kev is talking about, but then it hits him, and he remembers. Thus continuing the convo like nothing.

11x06

11. Monica

Now this one REALLY hurt. Frank’s first scene of the episode is a sex scene between him and Letty. She’s blonde, and Frank calls her Monica. He truly believes he is sleeping with Monica, only Monica is dead, she been since season seven. When Letty mentions that she isn’t Monica (thinking Frank calling her that was only a sex thing), we see WHM’s brilliant preformence once again. Frank doesn’t know what Letty means, he thinks she’s Monica. Then when he realizes she isn’t, he gets this lost dejected look on his face. He’s confused and knows that he keeps getting confused.

Frank says “I gotta get to work”. Letty asks him where he works and Frank is left bewildered.

12. Seven

Okay so remember Frank and Franny’s adventure in 11x03? Frank visits a dry cleaners to get some weed. They make a point of Franny saying that Frank will pay SEVEN for the weed. No offer is made and Frank must get it somewhere else. Throughout the episode Frank refterences SEVEN to Kev & V as the asking price to sell. We as an audience are forced to remember SEVEN. Also in 11x03, as Debbie frantically looks for Frank/Franny, she visits the dry cleaners where they were (retracing their steps). We as an audience have been there twice.

Now, in 11x06 Frank goes to pick up an order but like, we already saw him go there episodes ago. When the woman behind the counter literally tells him she has nothing for him and he argues with her, WE KNOW she is right. Once again, Frank forgot. I’m so sad. Not only that but Kev and V don’t have Frank going on runs anymore. Ian & Mickey are doing it... Frank is legit lost and forgot that he’s not doing that anymore, Kev tells him he’s not in 11x04.

Ms.G even says to Frank that she doesn’t need to write anything down to remember it because the “Mind’s a steel trap”. She doesn’t owe him... she can use her mind to remember where Frank cannot. The irony.

13. Pedestrian, Blue, Handlebar (abc)

a) Frank getting hit in the head results in him having a visit to the hospital where a nurse discovers that Frank has no clue how he got there and more specifically, how he got hit in the first place.

b) The saddest part, when asked his name he remembers FRANK. But has to look down at her sheet to know his last name is GALLAGHER. This is the man who walks around saying “It’s up to Frank Gallagher to save the neighborhood”. He forgot his last name.

c) The scene goes on, the nurse asks him to remember three words: pedestrian, blue, and handlebar. They discuss other things, then she asks him to tell her those words. It’s so abundantly clear that Frank just cannot. He doesn’t remember. He was told like 30sec ago and gets, for the first time ASHAMED. He’s the most shameless person ever (hence the title of the show) but now the tides have turned. He “doesn’t wanna play this game anymore”. Frank can recognize AGAIN that he is confused, only now he is forced to face it. The nurse noticed, she runs some tests and Frank learns that he has early stages of alcoholic dementia. This isn’t his liver, he can’t get a new one, this is his brain.

14. + 15. Letty & Terry

Just two bonuses, Frank wanders aimlessly into the Alibi again (like in 11x05) because it’s routine for him. Letty calls him over. Frank forgot they were supposed to meet there. :(

Frank and Terry on the porch: Maybe it’s just bad writing or they were trying to make a point but like a “Gallagher-Milkovich War” never happened??? We watched the show for 11 seasons... Also are the Milkoviches actually from Poland Frank? I’ll excuse that one cuz Ian mentioned it too, but I thought they wer Ukrainian. These seem like writing mistakes tho so oops.

Things He Might Be Able To Remember

Frank has his and Franny’s name tattooed on his body... he literally forgot his last name at the hospital. And if he forgets a bunch in 11b then that’ll be the payoff for the tattoo... he might not know why the tattoo is there or who the people are listed on his arm, or even what it means exactly, but he will know that Frank loves Franny.

Where he lives. Frank never threw out the paper with his diagnosis. He might remember his home, however the conflict comes in the fact that the Gallaghers might be selling it. He needs to be around people/places that are familiar to him. This could jeopardize his memory.

The Alibi is where Frank seems to just walk to or go to whenever he has no clue where he is or going but it’s subtle. I could see him getting lost and no one knowing where he is and Frank just being at the Alibi beacuse idk muscle memory? He’s on autopilot.

Early stages of ALCOHOLIC Dementia can improve. Like if maybe Frank were to tell someone and if he wasn’t removed from the Gallagher house, and oh I don’t know if Frank STOPPED DRINKING, he could remember. But I don’t think we’re heading in that direction, especially if the house is sold, and let’s face it... it looks that way.

Fiona? Will he forget her... this all feels reminiscent of 4x11.

Other Characters Finding Out

Franny, Kevin, and Liam, are the only people who have REALLY been subject to the possibility of noticing... but think about it. Franny is too young to notice anything, Kevin is not the brightest bulb, he doesn’t seem to realize it either, and Liam was exposed to it once, but at that time he was so scared about the Milkoviches that he didn’t notice it. Maybe if he saw it again, he would. Liam is smart enough.

I wonder if the Gallaghers will just find out the hard way (,like those stills from 11x08 are making me think,) or if anyone will begin to seriously pick up on it. I intially thought they would show Frank forgetting in front of each character until someone was able to notice but scratch that. They seem to be setting Lip up on the “alcoholic path” this season, (and I may go more into depth about that one another time, it’s another big post if I do get into it). But what will the Gallagher’s reactions/feelings be towards Frank’s diagnosis? Mickey and Ian had many Terry/Frank discussions in 11x06 literally setting up for it. It hurt when they all kept dismissing Frank because yup, they don’t know yet. They would have to help him in order to keep his memory maintained, but that’s the thing... Frank’s pride. He might deny their help even if they actually were to give it to him... Either way, I’m “looking forward” to see how this all unravels and how everyone finds out and what their reactions will be, which brings me to my final topic:

Aftermath...

So what happens? Will they sell the house, potentially causing Frank to forget? Will he not know his kids, his history? Will he die? Will Frank finally stop drinking... yeah I doubt that... So what WILL happen? Will the Gallaghers be left to take care of Frank? Will they even do that? Will he remember them?

What if in 1x01 Frank’s narration IS his memory? We see him talking about his kids to someone? It circles back? I don’t know, but either way I expect this whole thing to pull on our heartstrings. When the rest of the regulars find out... it’s gonna get real, and rough.

Interesting stuff coming up in 11b I’m sure. Let’s see how this plays out for our Protagonist and Patriarch: Frank Gallagher.

Omg, if you read through this, you are so cool and I really really appreciate you! Please send me an ask or write a note, I would love to get your take on the matter. 💙

Hope you enjoyed this analysis and I hope it didn’t go on too long.

#frank gallagher #season 11 #shameless season 11 #shameless #gallavich #dementia #my lists

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storytimefromthecreed · 5 years

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Masterlist

It’s been 4 long yeays, and I’ve finally got my stuff together. Literally. Behold, the Masterlist. Everything I’ve ever written not including the stuff I have saved in drafts and queued for you while I’m not here (so I’ll be adding to this later). It’s been a journey, and I want to thank everyone for their requests, words of encouragement, and bearing with me. At long last, enjoy.

Altair, The Original Baddie, The Original Bae

Mod!Altair: Watching Scary Movies

Being Sick

It’s Not What It Looks Like

Crack A Smile

A Day With: Altair

Jealous

Habibi

The Plan

Altair Doesn’t Stand for Bullies

Pride

Mod!Altair and The Dead Bodies

Ow, I Got A Papercut...Kiss It?

I Love This Song! Want To Dance

Dadtair

Mod!Altair: I’m Not Overreacting! You Killed Someone!

You’re Eyes Should Be On The Target, Not My Backside

Mod!Altair: Normal People Don’t Have A Basement Stockpiled With Weapons

You Look So Beautiful Covered In Blood

Liquid Confidence

Happily Ever After

You’re An Assassin. Act Like It.

The Mentor

Where The Heart Is

That No Good Apple

Masyaf

Novice

Target

Conspiracy

Dating Altair Would Include:

When A Good Man Goes To War

Pictures With Santa

Altair’s Happy Ending

Darim:

How It Should Have Happened (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)

Early Bird

Malik

Malik and The Shirt

Malik and The Artist

Bureau

Nurse Malik

Office Romance

Rainy Days

AltMal

Dai Malik

AltMar

(Disney AU) Once Upon A Dream

AltMalMar

(Disney AU) Prince Malik

Kadar

Sorry, Was This Your Sweater?

Federico

Did You Just Set The Kitchen On Fire?

Claudia

(Disney AU) Claudia Won’t Say She’s in Love

Ezio de la la la

Mod!Ezio: Coming To Your Rescue

I Think I’m in Love With You, and I’m Terrified.

Make It To The Bed

When You Bring Him Home

Jealous

He Must Be Late, and She Must Be Beautiful

A Ezio HC

I’m So Tired

Mod!Ezio: A Date

Chocolate

Serenade

The Man Who Has Everything

La Volpe and Cats

Mod!Ezio and The Passionate Kissing

Mod!Ezio: Study

Big Brother Ezio and The Skirt

Mod!Ezio: Traffic

Let’s Stay In

Here, Let Me Kiss It Better For You

You Only Know One Side of The Story.

Who Do I Have To Kill For Some Chocolate?

Helping Ezio Kick Butt

You’re An Assassin. Act Like It.

Do It. End This. Please.

I Trusted You!

This Is It. This Is How I Die.

What Could Have Been

EzioLeo

The Love From Near and Afar

Yusuf, The Teddybear of Istanbul

Wake Up!

The Teddybear of Istanbul

Lift

Mod!Yusuf: I’ll Wake You Up When We’re There

Yusuf is 75% Sure

I Don’t Remember What Life What Like Before Loving You

I Bet I’m A Better Cuddler

You Look Adorable When You’re Cold

Would You Look At That.

At What Cost?

Dating Yusuf Would Include:

Yusuf and Claudia

I’ll Wake You Up When We Get There

Claudia Meets Yusuf

Love Affair

Dating Yusuf Would Include:

Yusuf x Arno

Turkish Delight

Connor Kenbae

Sleepless

The Hero You Need

Mod!Connor: Watching Scary Movies

Reacting to Your Pregnancy

Being Sick

Connor Doesn’t Stand for Bullies

A Rainy Day

The Middle of a Thunderstorm

Please Don’t Do This.

Is There A Reason You’re Naked in My Bed?

Sweater Weather

Tell Me A Secret

A Massage

Wanna Dance?

Fainting

Mod!Connor: Helping You Through A Bad Day

It’s A Big World, Connor Kenway

Connor and The Artist

The Death of Charles Lee

Jealous

A Fight

Snow Day

What Were You Dreaming About? You Were Shouting.

Tired

Mod!Connor: A Date

Teddybear

Lift

Mod!Connor: Confessing

Faith, Trust, and Ratonhnhake:ton

Love At First Fight

Jealousy Brews Beasts

Connor vs The Bow

TOKW Connor

Connor and The Cereal

Connor and The Dream

Connor and Cats

Connor and The Arm

Connor and The Dead Bodies

Connor Punches First, Asks Questions Later

Puppy With The Puppy

What Would I Do Without You?

Here, I’ll Kiss It Better For You

You Look Adorable When You’re Cold

Do You Think You Could Just Talk To Me?

Happy Birthday Connor

Family Fun

Beautifully Flawed

Haytham Hits On You, And It Goes How You’d Expect

I’d Do It Again If I Have To

Half Blood (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Chapter 11) (Chapter 12)

Of Course There’s Blood. What Did You Expect?

This Is The Worst Time For It To Start Raining

The Man With The Silver Tongue

Braiding Connor’s Hair

Angsty

Happily Ever After

You...You Fight Good

I...I...I Think I Love You

Must You Be So Dramatic?

Cat and Mouse

Fire Fire

The Flames

Spur of the Moment

Heart Health

Kanen’to:kon

This Is Not Funny

Smitten!

Connor & Kanen’to:kon

Teddybear

Connor & Haytham

Kenways’ Happy Ending (Part 1) (Part 2)

Haytham

Kiss Me.

Just A Bad Dream

It’s Already, I’ll Manage On My Own

Comparisons

Baby Brother

Shipwrecked

Mod!Haytham & Teen!Connor: Haytham’s Lovelife

Mod!Haytham and The Name

Haytham and The Dream

Haytham and The Passionate Kissing

Ow, I Got A Papercut...Kiss It?

It’s Not Just You That I Love

Cupid’s Chokehold

Haytham and Ziio:

(Disney AU) Colors of the Wind

Thomas Hickey

Hickey and The Proposal

Hickey Asks For A Date

Edward Kenway

Time Alone

Hey! I Was Gonna Eat That!

I Wish I Could Hate You

A Massage

Fainting

Marry Me?

Jealous

Is There A Reason You’re Naked in My Bed?

This Is Not Funny

Look At Those Muscles

You Can Sit On My Lap, If You Want

Mod!Edward: Hot Chocolate

A Little Trip

Edward is 75% Sure

Edward and The Arm

Mod!Edward and The Skirt

Drunk In Love

I Love This Song! Want To Dance?

That’s Not Exactly What An Apology Sounds Like

Mary Had A Little... (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6)

Righting Wrongs (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3)

Mod!Edward: Leather Jackets, Hot Chocolate, Edward Kenway

Goodnight, and Joy Be With You All

Dating Edward Would Include:

(Disney AU) Golly, What a Day!

Charles Vane

Why Didn’t You Just Ask?

What Would I Do Without You?

It’s Not Just You That I Love

Failing Vane

Arno Victor Dorian

Strange Weather

Is There A Reason You’re Naked in My Bed?

Hey! I Was Gonna Eat That!

Mod!Arno: Urges

Jealous

The Weird Dream

A Fight

The Fight

Lift

You Can Cook?

This Is Not Funny

Arno and The Ankle

Arno and The Arm

Mod!Arno and The Passionate Kissing

Arno and The Cat

Arno and The Cats

It’s Not Just You That I Love

Happy Birthday, Mr. Dorian

You’re An Assassin. Act Like It.

Arno’s Escape

Dating Arno Would Include:

One Dance

Beginner’s Unluck

Being Arno’s Sister

A Friend In Need

First Kiss

A Cafe in Paris

(NSFW) Happy Birthday, Mr. Dorian

Arno & The Frenchmen Four

To Save The Savior

We Have A Dog

Mod!Frenchmen: This Is Not Funny

Ghosts

The Thing

I Bet I’m A Better Cuddler Than You

When I Said Start A Small Fire, This Was Not What I Was Talking About

I Got Stabbed...So You Bought Me Cake

If We’re Arrested, It’s Entirely Your Fault

Be Our Guest

Arno, A Man of No Words

Something Blue, Something Borrowed (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

Qu’est-ce que c’est?

The Frenchmen Four

A Walk In The Park

A Background (My Personal HC)

A Typical Day

Dating HC

Older Siblings HC

Axeman

To The Rescue

Blades

Mod!Gerard: Did You Just Set The Kitchen On Fire?

Lift

Did I Mention How Cute You Look After A Run?

Greencoat

Bagel

So, Basically, You’re In A Cult

Green Coat, Red Cheeks

Green Eggs and Ham

Ghost

A Ghost Story

Elise

Hot Chocolate and Smores?

Shay Patrick Cormac

Hey, I’m With You, Always

Have You Seen The...? Oh.

Don’t Panic, Love

A Fight

Riven (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7)

Look At Those Muscles

I’ll Wake You Up When We’re There

With Child

Mod!Shay and The Arm

Shay in Jail

Shay is 75% Sure

I Don’t Remember What Life Was Like Before Loving You

Cold? Here, Let Me Hold You

You Look Adorable When You’re Cold

Here, I’ll Kiss It Better For You

I Don’t Need Luck, I Have Hope

Someone’s Trying To Kill Us, And You’re Flirting With Me?

Must You Be So Dramatic?

I Make My Own Luck (Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10) (Chapter 11) (Chapter 12) (Chapter 13) (Chapter 14) (Chapter 15) (Chapter 16)

Happy Holidays from The Cormac Family

Soft Shay

Dating Shay Would Include:

(Disney AU) Into the Unknown

Liam O’Brien

Liam’s Happy Ending

Happy Holidays With Liam

Dating Liam Would Include:

Jacob

Did You Do That For Me? Aw, Come Here

Jacob Being Sweet

Brawl

Jacob and The Skirt

Mod!Jacob and The Car

Mod!Jacob and The Underwear

Jacob Punches First, Asks Questions Later

A Use of The Rooks

Cold? Here, Let Me Hold You

Mod!Jacob: Hot Chocolate and Smores?

It’s Not Just You That I Love

I Can’t Imagine Being Alone Anymore

Name One Time, I Dare You

Mod!Jacob: Father Frye

You Only Know One Side of The Story.

Happily Ever After

Must You Be So Dramatic?

You’re An Assassin. Act Like it.

I...I Think I Love You

Do It. End This. Please.

You’re The Source of All My Problems

Evie

A Night With Evie

Evie and The Cereal

Henry

A Sweet Story

Desmond, Definately Alive, Miles

Lift

Did You Just Set The Kitchen on Fire?

Fluffy Desmond

Desmond’s Song

Desmond and The Chloroform

Desmond and The Underwear

Desmond is 75% Sure

Desmond

Can’t Imagine Being Alone Anymore

I Love This Song! Want To Dance?

Hot Chocolate and Smores?

Sorry, Was That Your Sweater?

Roof Talks

I Trusted You!

Desmond’s Happy Ending

Shaun

Shaun and The Demon

Shaun and The Underwear

It’s Not Just You That I Love

I Don’t Remember What Life Was Like Before Loving You

I Bet I’m A Better Cuddler Than You

Grab My Hand. We’re Gonna Make A Jump For It

We’re Not Dating

A Happy Ending With Shaun and Clay

Abstrego

Cavities

Kassandra

Alexios

Have We Met? (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

(Disney AU) Zero to Hero

Brasidas

(NSFW) Baesidas

Assassin Prefernces:

When You’re Sick

When They’re Sick

Secret Truths: Talents

Secret Truths: Fears

Secret Truths: Sleeping

Secret Truths: (Axeman, Yusuf, Malik)

Secret Truths: Sex

Secret Truths: Sex (Evie, Yusuf, Malik)

Secret Truths: Fears (Evie, Jacob, Henry)

How They’d Confess / Ask You Out On Your First Date

Reacting To Your Tattoo

Reacting To Their S/O’s Pregnancy (Altair, Ezio, Connor, Edward, Yusuf, Jacob, Connor, Shay,

Training Styles (Altair, Ezio, Connor, Shay, Evie, Jacob)

Reacting To Their S/O Speaking Their Language (Altair, Edward, Ezio,

Secret Truths: Dogs (Altair, Ezio, Connor, Edward, Haytham, Shay, Evie, Jacob)

Secret Truths: Dancing (Connor, Edward, Haytham, Shay, Aveline, Elise, Evie, Altair, Ezio, Jacob, Malik) Bayek (not my addition), Kassandra, Alexios,

Coffee / Tea Preferences (Everyone)

How They Say “My Wife”

Combo Assassins:

Connor and Arno: Friends and The Tub

Falling For Jacob

Gang Gang

Edward Punches First, Asks Questions Later

Aveline, Evie, and The Dead Bodies

Connor, Shay, and The Sprained Ankle

Ezio, Arno, and The Arm

Let Them Eat Cake

Assassins To The Dentist

Sons and Daughters: Backyard Fun

Blackout

A Modern Shakespeare

Shay: I’m Surrounded By Idiots

Connor: Do It. End This. Please.

Jacob: You’re An Assassin. Act Like It.

Edward: Must You Be So Dramatic?

Edward: I Hate Myself

The Other Side of the War

The Assassins As Roommates:

The Original

Girls’ Nights

Part 2

Nicknames With Jacob

Friendsgiving 2015

British Bromance

Girl’s Night

Break In

Scary Movie

Date Night: Altair and Maria

Christmas 2016

Fight Club (Evie vs Connor) (Desmond vs Jacob) (Malik vs Alexios) (Altair vs Bayek)

Moving Out

Tall Tales

Altair’s Birthday

Altair’s Happy Ending

Canon Crimes

Halloween 2019

Fun

Thanksgiving 2019

Meeting The Spartan Siblings

Christmas 2019

The Christmas Miracle of 2019

(Disney AU) I’ll Make a Man Out of You

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 12

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i hope it sorta hit a bit? does it sting? it had to happen sorry! i cant wait to write the next chapter 😭

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i didnt add the “never have i ever” suggestions that i used but THANK YOU if you sent some, i used a few! also, i had other requests and ideas from people and i may use them a bit later, in a future chapter. actually i know when ill use them lol youll see :)

Chapter 12 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

"Shit, I don't know what to wear!" I exclaimed to myself as i put clothes in front of me, standing next to to mirror. "Horrible."

I threw the shirt away, aiming for the bed but it fell next to it and I didn't even send it a glance as I took an other one.placing it on my chest and tilting my head at my reflection. I glanced up when I saw Louis walk by and stop immediately, holding himself on the door frame with a smirk.

"Put a skirt on." he let out, making me raise my eyebrows. "It'll be easier for him to fuck you against the wall."

My eyes got smaller and I reached out for my tissue box before throwing it his way. He moved right on time and it hit the wall in a thug, making him laugh.

"Don't be so violent!" he smirked, walking in my room and leaning on the wall. "I'm just saying out loud what you think about late at night, if you know what I mean."

I turned to him, opening my eyes wide and shaking my head. I couldn't believe Louis was talking about me masturbating to the thought of my ex boyfriend like it was nothing.

"Oh my god, shut up!" I let out with a chuckle. "You're so annoying!"

"Look, I woke up and he was getting out of your room." Louis pointed out. "He spent the night with you. In your bed. Wearing nothing but BOXERS!"

"We just slept." I argued with a shrug, trying not to show him that the thought of Niall almost naked in bed with me was actually doing something to me. "I was sick, remember?"

"Yea, you were 'sick'" he repeated, pronouncing the last word louder and adding fake quotation marks with his fingers.

"I was! A few of your sushis weren't good, Lou." I explained, throwing an other shirt away and grabbing a new pair of jeans. "You know it's true, I heard you vomit in the middle of the night, too."

"That's not the point." he explained, getting suddenly a lot more serious than he normally is. "Olivia, you should break up with Dylan." I stopped dead in my track and even stopped breathing. My heart, though, was beating extremely hard against my rib cage and it's all I could hear. "Did you even think about him recently? He's not here and you don't even seem to miss him, especially not when Niall is around."

I did think about Dylan, though, but I didn't talk about my thoughts, mostly because I felt fucking guilty about almost everything that came to my mind. I felt like shit towards my boyfriend but I didn't have the guts to tell him that I was getting closer and closer to Niall. I didn't know how to tell him that spending time with Niall had been some sort of relief in my life, that being able to be around Niall again was making me generally happier, that when I was near him, I felt more alive. There was no good way to tell that to the man you were about to marry, not without hurting him.

"I love Dylan and I miss him, you know that damn well, Louis." I argued, feeling tears coming to my eyes. "But Niall is... Niall is Niall. Niall is the love of my life."

Louis uncrossed his arms and walked closer as I closed my eyes. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to face reality at all. I wanted to spend time with Niall and pretend I would be able to resist him the next time he'd try to kiss me. I wanted to pretend that I was going totally okay with watching Niall and Heidi get married and have kids at some point in the future while i'd do the same with Dylan. I wanted to believe I didn't have to break an incredible man’s heart because of my own disgusting selfishness... that everything was fine and that what was happening between Niall and I was perfectly normal.

"I know he is." Louis said gently, placing his hands on my upper arms from behind. "I see you two interact and it's so obvious, Olivia. The way you two connect it's... it's probably terrifying for Dylan and Heidi, you know?"

I opened my eyes and sniffed before swallowing the lump in my throat. I was not going to cry. There was no fucking way I was going to cry now and ruin my make up. We didn't connect, and we wouldn't connect on that night, I was going to make sure of it.

"Don't worry, I'll be okay. I'll prove to you and everyone else that Niall and I are only friends, you'll see."

I was mostly trying to convince myself of that but I just reached out to my wardrobe and grabbed a skirt, like Louis had proposed. I was going to have fun tonight and nothing else.

"Liv, don't be like that."

I turned to Louis and shook my head slightly.

"I'm not losing Dylan, okay? I can't. Do you know what are the chances for me to find an other man like him? Kind, sweet, smart, funny and who truly loves me? I've risked my relationship enough, don't you think?"

"So last night, when Niall joined you in your bed, you didn't feel anything?" he asked a bit harshly, raising his eyebrows at me. "I saw him take care of you when you were puking your guts out, you know?"

"You don't base a romantic relationship on lust, Louis. You should know that." I shook my head, searching my drawers for a shirt. "Niall always took care of me, since we were kids. It's nothing new. And it means nothing."

Louis stayed there, motionless and quiet as I picked my clothes and when he realized I wouldn't look at him again, he sighed.

"We're leaving in 10 minutes." he turned around and walked to the door as I swallowed my tears again. "And Liv? I love you. I want what's best for you. My opinion is just that, an opinion but... I don't think you'll ever be happy if you're not with Niall. I don't think he'll ever be happy without you either."

---

The bar was crowded but we reached a quiet spot on the second floor, in the back of the room. Everyone was arrived and I couldn't stop glancing at Niall, who ended up sitting next to me. Now that he was close, all the bullshit I had told Louis earlier didn't seem so important anymore. Nothing ever seemed more important than Niall, and it was a problem.

Louis came back with a pitcher and sat on the other side of me with Eleanor while Harry, Liam and Julie sat on the other side of the table. I didn't know where Harry's girlfriend was, or if he even was with her anymore. We had told each other we would remain friends but things change and we drifted apart. I sighed low, a bit nostalgic of that friendship before we all started drinking. I was getting drunk and from the way Niall's eyes sparkled, I felt like he was getting there, too. Or maybe it was just that I was so drunk I was starting to imagine things.

I could feel the skin of his arm brush against mine and I cleared my throat, trying to stop thinking about it before turning around to send him a smile.

"So where's your girlfriend?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Oh she'll be here soon."

I didn't expect this answer and raised my eyebrows as my lips parted. I didn't want to see her, and it was not only because we didn't get along. Most of all, I didn't want to see her all over Niall the way she had been when they invited us for dinner. Why was I so ready to prove everyone that I was able to resist my ex boyfriend but as soon as he was near, I couldn't handle myself?

"Okay, let's play a game!" Liam said, tapping the table a few times with his palm. "Truth or Dare?"

"No no, 'never have I ever'!" Louis argued, making me raise my nose up in a grimace.

These games never ended well, at least most of the time, except that one time where I decided to just kiss Harry, but a few minutes later, Niall had kissed a girl too and that was not a good ending, at least not to me.

"Okay, I found questions online!" Eleanor let out with a chuckle. "If you've done it, you take a sip, and no one lies!"

"Yea, I'll call you out if I see one of you lie!" Louis agreed, making my heart skip a beat.

I was screwed.

"Never have I ever... drunk-dialed an ex!"

I held my breath and started nibbling on my bottom lip. So many times, I had wanted to call Niall when I was drunk but every time, Louis was there to snatch the phone out of my hands. I glanced when I saw Niall drink and I wondered who he had tried to call. I had never received a phone call or a text message from him after we broke up, so I knew it was not me, and somehow, it made me jealous. He missed an ex so much that he called her... did that mean he never really missed me?

"Never have I ever... stolen someone's food!"

"Louis! You drink!" I let out, my eyebrows raised. "You always eat all my fucking left-overs!"

"What? Nah."

"He does!" Eleanor agreed with me with a chuckle, hitting him gently with her elbow.

He groaned but finally took a long sip of his beer, making me smile more.

"Okay, never have I ever... called a partner the wrong name during sex!"

I chuckled but felt my heart jump in my chest when I noticed Niall taking a long sip of his drink. We all looked at him and started laughing and he simply shrugged.

"I was drunk, I didn't know the girl's name!" he argued, laughing too.

I let my eyes roam on his face, wondering who exactly was that girl and if she had been someone he had sex with after he left me but I didn't dare to ask.

"Never have I ever.... lied to a law enforcement officer."

I laughed when I saw Louis drink and Liam started laughing, his eyebrows raised.

"Wait what? What was the lie?" he asked curiously, leaning slightly against the table.

"He lied to get out of a ticket." I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Why? Because he was going too slow?"

Everyone started laughing and Louis grimaced before flipping Liam off, making everyone laugh even more. I leaned closer to Louis and kissed his cheek gently before he wiped my kiss vigorously from his skin.

"Traitor!" he whispered as I chuckled, blowing him an other kiss.

"Never have I ever... sent nudes."

Without thinking, my eyes found Harry immediately and his did too. We stared at each other for a few seconds before our lips curled. I grabbed my drink and took a sip as he did the same, just like Julie, Liam and Louis.

"Did you send nudes to your boyfriend or your ex boyfriend, Olivia?"

I sent a mean glance at Louis and he smirked, making me know he was getting back at me for the last question.

"One time, Harry, Niall and I played 'truth or dare' and Harry asked me if I had ever taken nudes. I guess we continued that conversation a bit later and.. shared.. selfies..."

Louis' eyes got bigger and he pressed his lips together, knowing he had made things a bit awkward but finding it funny anyway. I glanced at Niall, noticing he was staring at me, and finally cleared my throat, asking El for the next question.

"Never have I ever.... hooked up with someone of the same sex or gender."

My eyes once again found Harry. I knew we were pretty much the only one who didn't want to label ourselves around the table and I brought my drink closer to him. He smiled and clinked his glass against mine before we both took a sip.

"You guys have no idea what you're missing." he let out after swallowing, making us laugh.

"Oh my god, Liv, you're gonna love this one. Never have I ever had food poisoning."

I laughed and took a sip, pushing the side of my body against Louis'. He groaned and took a sip and when I turned around, I noticed Niall frowned. I moved closer, holding my breath to make sure I wouldn't smell his incredible scent, and smiled a bit.

"Last night, Louis got sick because of his sushis, too."

I saw an emotion pass on Niall's face and his lips finally curled before he chuckled. Was that relief? I nibbled on my bottom lip when I remembered what he had asked me in the middle of the night and the right corner of my lips raised. I didn't know why he didn't want me to be pregnant with Dylan's baby but I liked it.

"Never have I ever been the subject of a rumor that wasn’t true." Eleanor read with a big smile. "Oh god, I think we can all drink!"

We all laughed and ended up finishing our glasses, handing each other the pitchers to fill them back again. I almost choked on the sip I was taking when Heidi arrived and she quickly sat next to Niall, making something stir in my stomach. I closed my eyes tight when she kissed him and I felt Louis' hand on my arm.

"It's okay to be hurt, love." he whispered. "If it matters, she's got nothing on you. She's also doing that to get to you."

I breathed in and out slowly before opening my eyes again. I noticed Heidi looking at me and sending me a sly smile that really bothered me.

"I'll get shots!"

Harry left with Liam and the whole time they were gone, I played with my fingers nervously. I felt like the whole evening was ruined because of her but I couldn't let that get to me, right? As soon as the guys put the shots in the middle of the table, I grabbed one and swallowed it quickly, followed by Louis.

"Wait, guys! This is for the game!" Harry explained. "And it's a surprise, you don't know what you drink!"

That's when I noticed the huge amount of shots on the table and raised my eyebrows just as Eleanor read the next question.

"Never have I ever... caught someone masturbating."

I held my breath and my eyes got bigger. I didn't want to turn to Niall but it was stronger than me. He was already looking at me and he chuckled.

"One time, when I was 13, Liv caught me masturbating. She just walked in my room without knocking!"

I smiled and pressed my lips together but my smile faltered when I realized he had no idea that I had caught him masturbating last time I actually slept at his place. The sight of him jerking off flashed in my mind and I gripped my glass tighter until I heard his voice again.

"Oh and remember at the lodge?" he asked with a smirk. "I came back in the room the first day we got there and-”

"Nooo! Shut up!"

I moved closer to him, trying to press my hand over his mouth but he dodged me and ended up just holding my wrist as he finished his sentence.

"And I caught Olivia masturbating in the dark, in our room!"

"Oh my god I hate you." I groaned, leaning my forehead on the table as I heard laughter. "That was a secret!"

"Was it though?" Niall asked, his lips dangerously close to my ear.

I held my breath and waited a few seconds to look up, noticing Louis had given a shot to Niall and was now handing me one. I drank it quickly, turning the glass around and putting it on the table. Tequila, ouch.

"Never have I ever... tried anal sex."

Once again, I closed my eyes and groaned, bringing one of my hands on my face as Niall laughed next to me. I was really going to get drunk. I reached for two shots and handed one to Niall who just chuckled and drank it fast. I did it took and raised my nose up. Sambuca. I hated that.

"Wow, who the hell are you?" Louis asked, raising his eyebrows while looking at me. "Little wild thing. Can't believe you let him!"

It was not my first time trying anal but I decided not to mention it. The truth was, when I was dating Niall, I would have done anything for him. There was no limit, as long as he stayed with me and was happy, it was all that mattered to me. I suddenly felt the urge to kiss him and held my breath as I stared at him. My heart was hitting so hard against my rib cage I thought it was just going to escape. Literally. It was ridiculous. I was not ready to do anything for anyone anymore, except myself. That's how things should be.

"Never have I ever... hooked up with an ex’s friend."

Once again, I knew I had to drink. Not everyone in the room knew that I had slept with Louis and I thought maybe it would be better if I didn't drink at all but the worst would be if I hesitated. If I just drank, they could believe it was an other ex than Niall but if I didn't seem sure, they'd know I was not at ease and it would be suspicious. I rolled my eyes, realizing I was going a bit too far in my thoughts and just grabbed an other shot, swallowing it quickly. I felt Louis' hand squeeze my thigh and my lips curled slightly. He knew and it was enough for me.

"Never have I ever... tried to make an ex jealous."

I sighed and took an other shot, shaking my head.

"We need to find questions that won't force me to get so drunk I won't be able to walk in half an hour!" I argued with a chuckle, watching as Niall grabbed a shot too.

I was starting to hate this game, if only for the fact that all I did was drink and check if Niall would drink too and if he did, I'd just spend a few minutes wondering who it was about and what exactly it meant. I glanced at Heidi, thinking she should probably drink but didn't and I rolled my eyes.

I never really had tried to make Niall jealous but I had hoped for it. I was not getting married to make him regret leaving me, but when I noticed his reaction when he found out and stormed out of the cafe, I couldn't pretend it didn't do anything to me. It did. I liked it. It gave me hope. Hope for what? I was not sure.

"Never have I ever... second-guessed a relationship."

I was getting pissed at myself for letting all his simple gestures and actions get to me. I loved him, I loved him so fucking bad it was driving me insane, but there was no way I was going back to being the 'no-back-bone-and-fucking-blind' girl I used to be when we were dating. I didn't want that. I reached for a shot and placed it in front of Niall a bit roughly, spilling a few drops of what I believed was rum, or at least, it smelled like it.

"Do you need only one?"

Somehow, everyone stopped talking and although I should feel guilty, I really couldn't. I was past the tipsy stage and a few memories were coming back to my mind. I also didn't enjoy Heidi's presence and the way she was so close to him. Niall looked down and licked his lips, waiting a few seconds before drinking the shot and pushing the glass away. Eleanor cleared her throat and I just shook my head with a sigh.

"Uhm, never have I ever cheated on a partner."

I closed my eyes again but this time for a complete different reason. I thought about the first time Niall touched me. I could almost still feel his fingertips brush on my skin before he had pushed them inside me. I can't remember being this excited ever in my whole life. This time, I didn't have to say anything. Niall just reached out to grab a shot and swallowed it.

"Not on Liv, right?"

Niall turned to Louis and shook his head.

"No. With her." My eyes moved to Heidi's hand who gripped Niall's arm tighter sinking her nails in his skin. I couldn't help but think she did that when they fucked, too. "It was back when I was with Maya."

I noticed Harry was looking at me with a frown and I just shook my head slightly, answering his silent question. He nodded and his lips curled a bit as I answered his smile. No, I had no cheated on Harry. I wouldn't have done that, not even for Niall... right?

"It was... unplanned." Niall added, making me press my lips together.

The memory was so vivid, probably due to the alcohol and mixed with the proximity of Niall's body, that I had to get up and go to the bathroom. As I got up, I realized how drunk I was and tried to walk straight. I didn't like to show I was drunk and I was not sure why but when I got out of the bathroom, Louis was leaning against the wall, waiting for me.

"El and I are leaving, we've got a brunch in her family tomorrow morning, so I'll sleep at her place." he explained with a frown. "Are you okay? We can give you a ride home if you want."

"No, thank you." I shook my head. "I'll just take a cab."

"No, no cab by yourself. One of those fuckers will bring you home when you'll be ready. I'll make sure of it. And if anything happens, you call me."

I nodded and he pulled me into a hug, making me close my eyes. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, and that I missed having sex with him, but it was a lie. What I actually missed was to be close to someone, and I sort of felt like I was losing him, somehow. Soon, we were not going to live together anymore and I had no idea if I was okay with that.

"Sorry for that game, although it went better than you thought, right?"

I chuckled and pulled away before nodding. He sent me a wink and told me goodnight and I watched him leave before sighing and walking back to the table with difficulty. Liam and Julie were getting up too and I frowned, tilting my head when I got closer.

"Are you guys leaving too?"

"Yea, we're both a bit tired." Julie explained.

They said their goodbyes to everyone and I ended up sitting next to Harry and in front of Niall. I watched as Heidi talked in his ear with a smirk and I glanced down to watch her arm disappear, realizing she probably had her hand on his thigh, or even somewhere else. I looked away and swallowed at the intense feeling of jealousy invading me.

"Oh, Olivia, I know you'll be alone tonight, would you rather sleep home?"

I frowned at Heidi, a bit surprised about her proposition and licked my lips, trying to find a reason why she would actually want me to be with both of them at his place. To show me he belonged to her, perhaps? To keep on being all over him in front of me?

"No it's okay, she can come home." Harry just said, getting up and grabbing his phone. "I'm alone tonight, too."

"It's cool, Harry. She'll sleep at mine." Niall quickly replied, getting up to. "Plus, it's closer."

They looked at each other and Harry finally sighed before bending down and whispering to me.

"Are you okay with that?" I just nodded and he did the same. "Okay, darling."

Heidi drove us back home since she had barely drank and I noticed Niall kept glancing at me in the mirror but I didn't acknowledge him. I knew he was a bit mad at me for some of the things I had said and if I wanted to be honest, I really thought I was over all of that, but the thought of him breaking my heart and not being sure of the relationship we had made something burn inside me... I was not mad. I was still hurt. I probably always would be.

Niall let me borrow a pair of his sweatpants and a shirt and none of us really talked at all. We just went to bed and before I knew it, I was laying on my back, under the covers, in the dark, just staring at the ceiling. Normally, I would have a conversation with Niall until we'd both fall asleep but that night, it was impossible. He was going to cuddle her all night, and not me. The thought made me swallow hard and I tried to keep my tears in. I was intoxicated and just closing my eyes made me dizzy.

That's when I heard it. It made my heart jump so hard in my chest I was near throwing up. A moan. Just a low moan disturbing the silence of the night and then, an other one. I got up slowly, my heart beating harder, making my whole body throb and when I opened the door, I held my breath. I stepped out of the room and It was clear, now. A bunch of moans reached my ears and I leaned my back against the wall, shutting my eyes tight.

"Oh, fuck, Niall!"

I felt tears invade my eyes and I let myself slide on the wall until my ass hit the floor. I heard noise, like the annoying sounds of a mattress moving, and I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to keep in the sobs that wanted to escape. This is exactly why Heidi wanted me to sleep at their place but the one I really blamed was Niall. How could he do that to me? Wasn't breaking my heart once enough? What the hell was he thinking?

I was sitting down alone in the hall, now as sober as possible in these circumstances, listening to my ex boyfriend, the man I was in love with, having sex with his girlfriend. It was so pathetic I didn't even take the time to wipe the tears that fell on my cheeks, I just accepted my fate, motionless, like it was something I actually deserved. I tried to think about my boyfriend, filming a movie in an other country, but it couldn't distract me from the noises coming from his room. All these images of Heidi riding him as he touched her and told her how much he loved her invaded my brain and I felt suddenly nauseous. It made me realize one thing. It was not so much that they had sex, that really bothered me, although it did hurt me to some extent. What was really hard to accept was that he may have feelings for her, stronger feelings than he had for me. I also couldn't really believe he cared so little about me that he'd literally do it while I was in the same house, in the room literally next to mine.

I cried more, feeling like this moment would never fucking end. It's only when I heard his voice for the first time that something inside me seemed to click. He had groaned and I hated it. It was a low and simple grunt but it made me want to literally die on the spot. I don't know where I found the strength but I quickly got up, walked back to the guest room and grabbed my purse before rushing to the front door and stepping out of the house into the dark night. The door closed roughly behind me and I realized they may have heard. I quickly left and ran across the street, my shoes hitting the ground being the only sound around. It was only when I was totally out of breath that I decided to call a cab. I just wanted to erase that whole evening from my mind. I just wanted to erase all my feelings and be happy again but I couldn't lie to myself. The only time I was truly happy was when I was with Niall... and that was over. There was no hope left inside me.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #yam #i just want to write the next chapter tbqh #i just cant wait to write it!!!

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somekind0fmagic · 4 years

Text

Chapter 1. The Bringing of The Line

I do not own Harry Potter or the characters made by J.K. Rowling

I also added Anneliese's siblings names, ages, how old they’ll be turning next & when (plus a little bit about them if they’re older)

(Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14 )

Chapter 1. The Bringing of the Line

Albus looked out of the window of the moving train, the words his dad spoke to him before echoing in his head. He had to get away from his family, they were being overbearing as usual. The door of the compartment opened, he looked over and saw a boy with messy dirty blonde hair and grey-blue eyes. "Oh, s-sorry! I didn't realize it was occupied, I'll go somewhere else." The boy spoke in surprise.

Albus smiled, "It's fine, you can sit in here. I don't really care." There was something about him that seemed familiar to Albus.

"Oh, okay, thanks." He sat down in front of Albus and said, "I'm Scorpius, of course you already know that."

That was why he looked familiar! He's Scorpius Malfoy, Draco Malfoy's son. "I'm Albus and don't worry, took me till you said your name to figure out why you looked familiar."

Scorpius looked surprised, "You-you don't care? I mean, you're a Potter and you don't care, I'm a Malfoy?"

Albus shook his head, "I know we aren't like our parents, besides your dad has changed for the good. No matter what the Prophet says."

Scorpius was about to say something, but the door opened again and a girl with short black hair and purple glasses looked in. "There you are Scor! Valerie and I were getting worried. But like, I don't blame you for getting out." She looked over at Albus and smiled, "Hi! Sorry, I was just looking for him, but um...do you mind if I stay here? The good ole Potter-Weasley clan are being pains." She studied Albus for a second before gasping, "Oh my god! I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were Albus Potter."

Albus shrugged, "I don't mind and it's okay. My family can be overbearing at times. That's why I'm in here."

She nodded, "Makes since," She sat down next to Scorpius and held her hand out to Albus, "I'm Anneliese Green."

Albus shook her hand, "Nice to meet you Anneliese."

"So, you excited for Hogwarts, Albus?" She asked softly.

"I don't know really. I'm just gonna miss my little sister, Lily." He replied, he really was gonna miss Lils, they were the two biggest troublemakers ever.

"She was the one that was standing next to your parents and was upset because she couldn't go, right?" Albus gave her a surprised look since she has gotten all correct, "I'm observant. I think I'm gonna get into Ravenclaw, but then again, all my family is in Slytherin. So, the likelihood of me being a Slytherin is high. Well, besides my mum, she went to Durmstrang instead."

Scorpius laughed lightly, “You’re rambling again. But still, if I'm not in Slytherin I think my grandfather would disown me." Scorpius replied.

“Scorp, your grandfather is Lucius Malfoy, the man who thinks if you’re not a Slytherin then you’re a disgrace to the wizarding world. It’s not think he would, it’s just that he just would. No thinking, just knowing.” Anneliese told him with a bored look.

"Oh, wow, I think the only house, even though my dad says otherwise, that I would be disowned if I was put in would be Slytherin. But honestly, him and my mother don’t care." Albus replied.

The conversation just went from there. They only stopped when the trolly came around and they got some sweets. It was dark and the train was finally slowing down until it came to a full stop. They stood up and walked out of the compartment and off of the train. "Promise to be friends even if we're Slytherins and you're a Gryffindor?" Scorpius asked.

"Promise." Albus replied. He went to find Rose while Anneliese and Scorpius went to find Robyn, Rohyn, Holly and others.

----------------------------------------

The doors to the great hall opened and everyone walked in. Scorpius and Anneliese overheard Rose Granger-Weasley talking about the ceiling and rolled their eyes, but still looked around in wonder. Albus noticed Anneliese give a tiny wave towards the Slytherin table. They stopped and looked at Professor Longbottom, "Before we start Professor McGonagall would like to say a few words."

Everyone looked over at the lady standing in the middle of the table, "I would like to note for the first years that the Dark Forest is forbidden to go to unless it is for Care of Magical Creatures. That is a class you can choose to take in your third year. Thank you." She sat back down and motioned for Professor Longbottom to begin.

"Now, when I call your name please come up to the sorting hat to be sorted into your house." He looked at the list and said, "Avery, Holly!"

The hat was put on top of his head and yelled, "Slytherin!" Quickly. The Slytherin table was yelling loudly and someone said, "Another Avery! Hell yes!"

More names were yelled, including Robyn and Rohyn Goyle (who were in Slytherin). “Malfoy, Scorpius!” The room went almost dead silent. People began to whisper. ‘Malfoy?�� ‘I’m surprised they’re allowing someone like him in.’ ‘His father was a death eater. He comes from a family of deatheaters’ As well as other much harsher things being said. Of course it was known what house Scorpius was going to be in according to stereotypes. And of course stereotypes didn’t disappoint. He got Slytherin, and of course, the house screamed for him.

More names were called and people went to their houses. And, just like when Scorpius’s name was called, the room went almost dead silent when Albus’s. Most of them were praises, ‘He looks just like his father!’ ‘Omg, he’s real.’ ‘Surprised that he’s allowed to come, the Potters shield him and his sister all the time.’ Of course there were some bad ones, but they were few and far between, mostly just from the Slytherin table. But Albus ignored them and walked up to the hat.

“Ah, a Potter,” Albus jumped slightly, the voice echoing through his head, “Much like your father, but you have much more ambition. Want to be separated from being known as just Harry Potter’s son. Willing to risk anything to be something. Better be, SLYTHERIN!” The hat was taken off of his head and the whispers picked up again. ‘A Potter in Slytherin?’ ‘Wonder what dear ole James is gonna take of that.’

“Take that Potter! We got your younger brother!” A tall, dark skinned girl with short and curly bright purple hair, her eyes greatly contrasting against her skin as they were being an icy blue.

There were yells coming from the Gryffindor table. They didn’t stop until McGonagall yelled for silence. Many had a look of fear, well, only about 50 didn’t. Those 20 belonged to the Either a Weasley, Potter, or a Slytherin.

Albus was sitting next to Scorpius. Nothing was said. Rose got into Gryffindor, but of course that was no surprise. “Let the feast, begin.” McGonagall lifted her arms and the food appeared. Everyone began to grab as much as they could.

“Congrats sis, you got in. I’m surprised. Figured you’d be in Ravenclaw.”

“Yeah, at least father and grandfather won’t try and disown you.”

Anneliese rolled her eyes, “Oh shut the heck up you two! Besides, father wouldn’t disown me. You know that. We don’t even talk about what grandfather would do.”

“Awe, c’mon-”

“You know you love us.”

“Dom! Antonio and Derek are being mean to me!”

Albus looked over to where she was, he was looking at an older guy, who he assumed was probably a 7th year with unruly dirty blonde hair and deep emerald green eyes, looked over at her. “Anneliese, don’t make me write to mum about you being a little brat.”

“I hate you.” She muttered slamming her fork onto the plate.

“Love you too sis.”

Albus looked over when he heard a girl laugh, “Stop being a git Dominick. You wouldn’t dare write to mum because she’s still mad at you for your incident.”

“Shut the hell up Genevieve. She’s still mad at you for trying to cover it up.”

“Would you both shut up? My god, never in my life did I think I would be happy that this is my last year.”

“Fuck off Aidan.” The two siblings grumbled.

“Sorry ‘bout them, they’re my siblings.” Anneliese sighed and ran a hand through her short hair.

He looked over at her, “It’s alright. Since I have like, fifty family members it just reminds me of Christmas.”

She smiled softly, “Good.”

“You should see them at Christmas, it’s horrible. Them, plus the seven younger ones, plus all of the other Slytherin families.” Scorpius added with a laugh.

Anneliese picked at her potatoes, “Albus I have 14 siblings. 7 older and 7 younger. 7 sisters and 7 brothers. 6 older brothers, 1 younger. 6 younger sisters and 1 older. Aidan, the one with short light brown hair and dark ass blue eyes, is the oldest. He’s 17, 18 in like 8 days, and Headboy. Then there’s Antonio and Derek they’re 16, they’ll be 17 in May. Derek, the one with long black hair and hazel eyes, is always in detention while Antonio, the one with short dirty blonde hair and dark green eyes is usually studying and is usually fairly quiet. He’s probably only being a dick tonight because he hasn’t eaten since breakfast at 7 am. Dominick is the next in line, he’s 15, will be 16 in April and he always brags about something stupid, thinks his shit doesn’t stink and that he was the best seeker ever, he also got prefect and hasn’t stopped bragging since he got the letter,”

Genevieve laughed, “Mum and dad were proud of him, until he broke the urn that our great-great grandmother was in.”

Anneliese laughed too, “Mum threatened to write to McGonagall to make someone else the 5th year Slytherin Prefect.”

Albus laughed too, “That sounds like how my Uncle Percy apparently was when he got Gryffindor Prefect, as well as Headboy. According to mum, Uncle Ron, Uncle George, and Uncle Percy himself, he didn’t shut up about it and brought it up all the time.”

“That amazing, but anyways, next is the second set of twins, Liam and Randolph, they’re 13 and will be 14 in October, basically a modern day Fred and George Weasley, always playing pranks and rarely getting caught. We can barely tell them apart, well, I can because Liam is two inches taller at 5’8, plus he talks a bit faster. Then there was Genevieve who is only a year older-”

“10 months sis, 10 months.”

She rolled her eyes, “Fine, 10 months older than me. She’ll be 13 in December.”

“If I didn’t know that I could easily assume she was the same age as my little sister, Lily, she’s only 9.”

“Ha! You just got compared to a 9 year old!” One of the twins said, “I’m Randolph by the way.” He reached his hand out to Albus, “Pleasure to meet you Albus Potter. A bunch of us are surprised that you were even allowed to go to Hogwarts. Your parents keep you out of the spotlight so much. Even more than your brother.”

Albus shook his hand, “Yeah, mum and dad wanted all of us out of the spotlight as much as possible. Lily and I are faster at running and better at hiding than James. He loves the attention.” It was too obvious that Albus was trying to hide his eye roll.

“Can tell. We all got a kick out of him getting knocked out at his first game last year.” Albus looked at the other twin, “I’m Liam by the way.”

“Oh wow, you’re not wrong Anneliese, Liam does speak faster.” Liam and Randolph laughed.

“Told ya so. But I still have 7 people to tell you about, if you want?”

“Just give me the ages and when they’ll be starting.”

She laughed, “Alright. So Alexa and Liana are 10, 11 in November, they start next year. Clara is 8, 9 in October, she starts in 2020. Odette is 7, 8 in like 14 days, she starts in 2021. Elina is 5, 6 next July, she starts in 2023. Eden is 3, 4 in 10 days, she starts in 2025, and Nicholas is 1, 2 in October, he starts in 2027.”

“Wow, I could never imagine that many siblings.”

“Try being in the middle of it all. It gets annoying how often I’m overlooked.” She rolled her eyes, “Of course you’re technically in the middle of your siblings.” Albus nodded.

----------------------------------------

“5th year Prefects, show the 1st years to your common room. Everyone head up to your common room, classes start on Monday, but I still expect to see you all tomorrow. Goodnight.” Everyone stood up when McGonagall spoke. 1st years unsure of where to go they just followed where the 5th years were telling to go.

“I am Dominick Green, I am your 5th year Prefect.”

“I am Elizabeth Boles, your other 5th year Prefect. The Headboy is Aidan Green, he is also the 7th year Slytherin Prefect. Castanova Way is the other 7th year Prefect, and she is Headgirl. Lorene Pansy and Jerimiah Ecerson are your 6th year Prefects for Slytherin house.”

They followed as the two of them gave random facts and rules until they stopped at the end of a corridor in the dungeons. “Here is our common room. Yes, it is in the dungeons. If you ever get lost you may find one of us, another Slytherin, or go to our head of house, Professor Slughorn, he is the potions professor as well. Now, it is protected by a password and that password is prone to change, if it does, it will be posted on the bulletin board. But for now the password is Alchemy.” As Dominick spoke the words the wall moved to the side and they walked in.

“Here is the common room, we can hang out, do our homework, or just relax in here. Now, to the left is the girls dormitory and to the right is the guys. Girls can go into the guys but the guys cannot go into the girls. You all have a curfew of 6. So don’t be out that late.” Elizabeth smirked before continuing, “Or just don’t get caught.”

Dominick sent her an obvious glare, “Or just don't be out. But that is it. Do whatever you feel comfortable. Goodnight.”

They left and the crowd dispersed. But Scorpius, Albus, and Anneliese stayed together. “Well, I’m going to bed you two. Goodnight.” She walked up the stairs and to the 1st year girls dorm.

Albus and Scorpius looked at each other, “You tired?”

Albus shook his head, “Not really, but let’s just head up and hang up there.” Scorpius nodded and they went up. Neither went to sleep until 1 am.

#harry potter #harry potter next generation #harry potter next gen fic #albus potter #scorpius malfoy

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donteattheappleshook · 4 years

Text

Of Cars and Bars Chapter 12/14

Ready to find out what happened between Emma and Killian five years ago?

As always, thank you Krystal @kmomof4�� for all of your amazing beta work and for just being a lovely person. This story exists because of and is dedicated to you! (Thanks for the support even though I keep making you angry with all the angst!)

Summary:

Rated E

When Emma Swan is offered the chance to go on tour as an opener for one of the most popular up and coming bands of the decade, the last thing she expects is to find that the lead guitarist is the stranger she had a one night stand with five years ago.

This started out as a smutty two shot about Emma Ruby and Mary Margaret going on a road trip and has evolved into a slow-burn mutual pining angst-fest.

Read it from the beginning on Ao3 and Ffn because tumblr eats all my italics.

Chapter 12 - Falling Slowly

Well, you have suffered enough / And warred with yourself / It's time that you won / Take this sinking boat and point it home / We've still got time

Five years ago

Killian burst into Liam’s room, ignoring the way his brother cursed, the way Belle shouted at him to 'get the hell out', 'what time is it?'. He didn’t care. He walked up to the hotel room bed and threw the sheet music onto their annoyed, half-asleep forms.

“What the fuck is this?” Liam demanded, picking up the pages and frowning at him, looking like he was a second away from murdering him.

“A song,” Killian said. He couldn’t contain his grin, he was too happy. His heart was light, his chest full in the best way, every one of his muscles was singing with excitement and adrenaline.

“I can bloody well see that,” Liam snapped. “But why do you feel the need to throw it at me at -” he looked at the clock beside him. “For fuck’s sake, Killian, six in the morning?”

“I couldn't sleep,” he told them. He’d been up all night, too happy, too ansty, lyrics and music dancing around in his head, begging to be written, filling him with the kind of joy he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“So you decided none of us should?” It was Belle this time and she sounded just as annoyed as his brother, like she wanted him dead - and she was more likely to do it, he mused.

“I think this could be it,” he said. “I think this could be that hit that the producer was looking for.”

They’d been approached by a music producer, an agent who was interested in them, liked their sound, liked their vibe. But he’d said there was something missing. They needed something more, a real hit, something that would pull at heartstrings and make people want to dance and cover it and would make critics sing its praises as ‘real music’.

It had been a ridiculously high, stupid bar to set, one they thought was impossible, and Killian didn’t want to toot his own horn but he was pretty sure he’d done it - somehow. Not somehow, he knew exactly how.

Liam looked at the pages in his hand and Killian saw the moment his expression turned from annoyed to impressed, to hopeful. He handed the pages to Belle. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain blonde woman who lured you off the stage last night would it?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

“It has everything to do with her,” he answered honestly. It did. She… Emma, even thinking about her sent a thrill through him, made his heart pound, made his breath catch. She’d come into his life out of nowhere, had brightened it, had made him suddenly want to write again, had made him want to love again. He didn’t know if he would ever be capable of it again, not after Milah. But between the car and the bar and being with her in that dressing room, her promising to meet him today… it gave him hope. Hope that he could love again, hope that he wasn’t broken, that he would find that happiness again, the one he thought he’d lost forever.

It was far too soon, far too quick, he knew that. But he couldn’t help it. The second he’d seen her there, angry and glaring at the road and then the way her whole face had lit up, the way she’d smiled at him on the dance floor, the way she’d touched him, the way she’d challenged him, the way she’d responded to him when they were together. He just - he knew. It was as simple as that. He knew that he could love her and that if he did, he would love her forever.

Liam was eyeing him warily. “Be careful, Killian.”

Killian ignored him. He didn’t have time for Liam’s pessimism, for his caution. He’d spent enough time being cautious, enough time guarding his heart. It was time to let himself believe that he could have love again, to let himself believe that he deserved it.

“I’ve gotta go,” he told him, dismissing his warning with a wave of his hand. “Share that with the guys, will you? I’ll see you at the show tonight."

“Where are you going?” Liam demanded.

Killian smiled. “I’ve got a date!” He slammed the door behind him.

He was early. Way too early. His date wasn’t until noon. He circled the block a few times, walked through the streets of New York, got to know them a little, but he couldn’t let himself stray too far. What if she arrived early too and got scared and changed her mind? So he stayed near, circling, until finally, at 8 he gave up and went inside the cafe. Whatever, he would order a dozen coffees and wait around until noon. He didn’t care. He was too nervous.

His leg bounced under him as his mind raced, remembering the night before, remembering the way she’d felt in his arms and under his hands but also, more than that, the way she’d smiled at him up on stage, the way she’d laughed at him in the car, the way she’d danced with him, the way she’d kissed him before leaving last night.

He got up, asked the barista if he could have some paper and a pen. She handed him some old order sheets, blank on one side and a sparkly pink pen, apologizing and saying it was the only one she could find.

“It’s perfect,” he told her. The smile she gave him was shy and a little flirtatious. If it had been any other day, any other morning before this one, he’d have flirted with her, smiled at her and maybe even asked for her number. But he couldn’t. Not now. Not when he knew that any minute - any hour, he reminded himself - Emma would walk through that door.

He returned to his table with another coffee - that was probably a bad idea considering the jitters that were already running through his system, but he liked it, liked this excitement and anxiety - the good kind, the kind he hadn’t felt in years. He wrote. He was having trouble stopping. He thought of her, of her forwardness and her brazenness and how strong she’d been and the tiny, miniscule bit of vulnerability he’d been allowed to see, thought of the shade of her hair and the curve of her face and he wrote.

He wrote three more songs before he looked up, the bell above the door ringing as someone walked in. It wasn’t her. That was okay, it was still only 11:30. He looked at his phone. He wished he’d gotten her number - idiot, he thought. But she had his. He waited, doodling on the edges of the page.

11:45. 12:00. 12:15. He checked his phone again. She had his number. Would she call if she was running late? 12:30. 1:00. 1:30. The energy that had been rushing through him started to diffuse, like air from a balloon. 2 oclock. Dozens of people came in and out of the shop, the barista brought him more coffees and with each one her smile grew sadder, sympathy clear on her lips. Was it that obvious? Was it written across his face that he was waiting for someone, someone who wasn’t showing up.

He made excuses, she’d gotten lost, she’d gone to the wrong coffee shop, she’d had to leave early… but she didn’t call, she didn’t text. He waited another two hours, and then another two more. At six oclock, he finally gave up, crumpling the bits of paper, the songs, in his fist. He walked over to the barista again, handed them to her.

“Throw this out for me would you?” he asked before walking out the door.

Present Day

Emma squeezed her eyes shut, trying to avoid waking up as long as possible. Her head hurt, she had expected that, but it wasn’t as bad as she thought it was going to be. No, that wasn’t what was worrying her about waking up. What was worrying her was the leather that was under her cheek, sticking to her face and probably leaving creases, and the warm breath on the back of her neck, the arm slung heavy across her waist.

Killian. He was still here. She couldn’t understand how he hadn’t run away after her embarrassing display last night, after she shunned him then tried to molest him and then dumped all of her emotional baggage on him. But she knew he couldn’t stay. There was no way anyone would stay after that - not for her, never for her.

If she shut her eyes, forced herself back to sleep then she wouldn’t have to be awake for the moment when he eventually woke up, realised what a terrible, terrible mistake he’d made getting involved with a mess like her and snuck out of his own room and out of her life. She was used to that, used to being left behind. She’d survived it with Neal and she would - probably - survive it with Killian. Probably not, but she’d have to.

She felt him stir behind her, heard his sharp intake of breath as he froze for a moment. Here we go, she thought. He breathed out heavily, the sound relieved, his muscles relaxing. The arm that was around her waist tightened a fraction and her eyes blinked open. What was he doing? Why wasn’t he bolting? She’d given him every reason to. His nose buried into her hair, he pressed his lips to her neck and she turned in his arms, frowning at his still half-asleep face. He smiled at her, one of those big, almost disbelieving smiles that made his eyes crinkle in the corners.

“You stayed,” he said and her heart started to race in her chest.

“I stayed?” she asked in disbelief. She stayed? Why wouldn’t she stay?

“I worried that you’d… regret what you said last night.” His eyes widened then. “Do you remember what you said?”

Did she remember? Did he? She’d poured her goddamn heart out to him last night, told him she wanted to be with him, told him all of her damage and her baggage and her fears… why had he stayed? Her chest tightened.

“I remember,” she said and the look of relief that crossed his face was a little heartbreaking. But so was the insecurity, the doubt.

“Emma, if you didn’t mean it - if you’ve changed your mind I-” He was giving her an out, she could tell. Maybe she should have jumped on it, taken it as a chance to run, to get away from this terrifying situation, from the possibility of letting herself love him and of letting herself be hurt. But he stayed. He stayed despite all the terrible things he’d learned about her and now he was afraid that she’d regret it, that she’d run.

She couldn’t blame him. She’d given him plenty of reasons to think she would. And that was when she realised… he hadn’t given her any reason to think he would run. He’d stayed tonight, yes, but he’d also stayed despite all the times she’d pushed him away since they met again two months ago. He stayed despite the fact that she’d run once before. She was an idiot. How in the hell had she ever doubted him?

“I don’t regret it,” she said and the worry left his eyes so quickly that it hurt, but it also made her smile a little, the corner of her mouth turning up as his did.

“And, um,” he scratched that spot behind his ear. “Do you remember what I said?”

She nodded, could feel her cheeks warming. “You said you were in this for the long haul.” He looked shy, still that bit of uncertainty but he met her eyes with an earnestness that sent her blood racing.

“I mean it, Emma,” he promised. “I want this. I want you. If you don’t, please tell me now because I don’t think I could take it if you changed your mind.”

“Warts and all?” she asked, only half-joking.

He laughed. “Warts and all.”

“You don’t…” It was getting harder to look at him so she settled for looking at his chest instead, fiddled with the pendants hanging there. “... mind them?” she finished lamely.

“I like your warts,” he said.

“Ew.”

He poked her in the side and she squirmed away. He didn’t let her go though. “I mean, that your past doesn’t scare me. I’m honored that you shared it with me. All it is is another part of you, another part of what made you who you are… and I’m quite fond of that woman.”

She smiled, finally meeting his eyes again. He wasn’t lying. “I…” Ugh. Words. “I like your warts too.”

He gave her an amused, affectionate grin. “Then are we doing this? Are we trying?”

She nodded, not wanting to stumble over words anymore and brought his face to hers. She kissed him and his hand came to her cheek, his touch gentle and sweet and she could feel his lips curling under her own. When she pulled back there was an expression she couldn’t read on his face.

“What?” she asked.

“I just - I was so afraid that you’d run again,” he confessed and the words were like a lead weight on her heart. He had every right to think that. But she’d run so many times in her life, not just from him, from everyone. And she was tired of it. She’d always been willing to lose the things she ran from before. But not now, not him.

“I already made that mistake once,” she said and she heard his intake of breath. They hadn’t ever talked about it, he hadn’t brought it up, but she couldn’t pretend it didn’t hang over them like some giant betrayal, a giant broken promise that gave him every right to doubt her, to never believe a thing she said again.

“Five years ago I-”

“Emma,” he said and she knew he was going to let her get away with it, dismiss it. But she couldn’t let him. He deserved better.

“No, let me finish. Five years ago I got scared because I was afraid of how much I liked you - even back then. And all I’ve ever done was run, so I ran away and I’m sorry. I don’t want to do that again.” She turned her eyes to him and he was looking at her with that softness that was so often on his face when he looked at her, when she tried to talk about her feelings - poorly. “I regretted it, you know. The second I got home.”

He gave her a surprised, hesitant smile, his eyebrow ticking up, and then kissed her again. “I forgive you,” he told her, because he knew that’s what she needed to hear. She took a moment to once again be amazed by how well he understood her.

“But, um,” he cleared his throat. “Now I’ll have to ask you to forgive me as well.” She looked at him in surprise - what could he possibly have to apologize for? “I broke our agreement.”

She raised a brow at him. “What agreement?”

“I wrote a song about you.” A smile tugged at her lips and she watched as the hesitation on his face turned to relief and then a little bit of that teasing glint she liked so much. “In my defence, I wrote it before we agreed to those terms.”

“When did you write it?” she asked, but she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

“Five years ago.” He looked at her nervously and she smiled, feeling almost shy but her heart raced in her chest, hoping she was right, a little afraid that she was right, but choosing hope, choosing happiness over the fear.

“Liam didn’t write your first hit, did he?”

“He wishes.”

She laughed and could feel the warmth spreading through her as he gave her another one of those smiles.

“Well, I guess you’re forgiven since you didn’t technically break the rules,” she allowed. He rolled them over suddenly and she was on her back with him hovering over her, his face bright and happy.

“I hope you’re in a forgiving mood then, because I’ve written about six more since.”

She laughed even as he brought his mouth down over hers and she reached for his shirt, pulling him down so she could wrap her arms around him and so that he could kiss her properly like he’d refused to last night. She moved to wrap her legs around his and squealed as she nearly had her toes squished.

“Are you wearing shoes in my bed?” she demanded, realising that he was still dressed in his coat and his boots.

“If you recall, you lured me into your bed last night fully clothed.” She scoffed, lured.

“Take those off. You’ll get the sheets dirty.”

He sighed dramatically, making a show of rolling his eyes.

“And so it begins. We’ve only been dating ten minutes and you’re already telling me what to do?”

She didn’t bother to hide her smile at the casual way he said ‘dating’. She couldn’t have if she wanted to. She liked the way it sounded way, way too much. He conceded though and rolled back off of her, onto his back so he could kick them off. He threw her a mischievous grin, one eyebrow raised as he looked at her over his shoulder. “Anything else you’d like me to remove while I’m at it?”

She wanted to laugh but stopped herself, cocking her head at him instead. She turned onto her side, propping her head up on her knuckles. “Well, that jacket feels a little overdressed,” she said casually. The smirk he gave her was sinful before he shrugged it off his shoulders.

“Better?” She raised one shoulder dismissively. “What?”

“I’ve never been a fan of that shirt, honestly.” That was a lie. He looked really, really good in that shirt. But he would look much better out of it.

“You don’t like it?” he asked, pulling at the front and glancing down at it. She bit her lip to hide her smile as he pulled it over his head, messing his hair up in the best way.

“Much better,” she said as she reached for his belt and used it to drag him back over to her. He laughed at her that way that he always did when she got a little eager - and she was eager. It was hard not to be when he looked like that and he went around talking about how they were dating and how he was in this for the long haul.

He didn’t get to say anything as she got up on her knees with him and slanted her lips over his, grabbing hold of that soft, lovely hair and holding him against her. He was happy to comply, his hands coming to her back, sliding under her shirt, his fingers warm against her skin and causing goosebumps to break out where he touched her.

She pushed her hips against him, wanting him closer, needing that confirmation that he wanted her as much as she did him and he groaned, hands sliding down to her ass, squeezing and pulling her against his already hardening erection. Lust shot through her and she pushed him down onto his back, and threw a leg over his hips so that she could sit astride him.

“You’re being very pushy,” he commented, an amused smile on his lips.

“Aren’t girlfriends allowed to be?” she teased and her heart stopped when his brows shot up.

“Girlfriends?” he asked and she felt her face flush.

“Shut up,” she said, leaning down and sealing her lips to his so that he couldn’t make another teasing remark if he tried. He groaned under her, his hand finding its way back to her ass and the other into her hair as he very happily let her keep him quiet. “I like it,” he said as she moved to trail kisses down his neck, his breath hitching when she reached a particularly sensitive spot. His fingers had found their way under the material of her panties, inching closer and closer to where she was already desperate for him.

“What’s that?” she asked, growing more confident as his breathing continued to become more laboured under her mouth on his neck and her hands on his chest, his stomach, his hips. “Me calling myself your girlfriend or me being pushy?”

He let out a choked sound when her hands reached a little lower. “Both,” he said, the word caught in his throat. Oh really? she thought. That could be fun. His hands came up to her sides, one wrapping around her waist as he started to sit up, probably to flip them over but she stopped him.

She put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back down against the pillows. “No,” she said, holding him down to make sure he’d stay there. He raised an eyebrow at her in question, in challenge really and she held firm until he conceded, dropping his hands back to his sides.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want him in control - she loved it really. But he was always taking care of her, always putting her first, generous and considerate. And last night he’d taken care of her in a whole new way, one she wasn’t used to. She couldn’t return that favor now in kind but she could certainly return it in other ways - thank him in other ways. She needed to remember to put him first sometimes. That was part of being a girlfriend right?

Right now though, all she could focus on was the way he was watching her, with nervous excitement and desire. And on the length of him hard under his jeans, pressed against her where their hips met - she was pretty focused on that too.

She pulled her shirt over her head, mostly so that she could watch the way his eyes darkened, the way his teeth bit down on his lip and his hips pushed up against hers just a fraction. His hand came up to reach for her and she smacked it away nearly laughing as he pouted. He looked like he was gonna say something, like he was gonna change his mind about liking her pushy, but she rolled her hips over his and his head fell back and then he didn’t look like he could think much of anything, let alone say it.

She did it a few more times, revelled in the way he cursed softly under his breath, and she fought the urge to just rip his pants off now and let him sink into her. She leaned down, not stopping the motion of her hips, a slow, steady grind as she restarted her assault on his neck, licking and sucking and nipping at the skin there until he swore again.

She trailed her lips down his chest, finally having to stop rocking against him so that she could slide down lower, press open mouth kisses to the spot under his belly button, to each of his hip bones. He really had a habit of wearing his pants ridiculously low. She could see his hands fisting at his sides, his knuckles white, his chest heaving as she teased the skin above the denim waistband. She looked up at him coyly and a thrill ran through her. He looked wrecked and she’d barely even started.

“I don’t know if I’m crazy about these jeans either,” she said casually as she trailed a finger over them, over the hard ridge of him pressing against the material.

“Get rid of them,” he insisted and the desperation and the urgency in his voice made her laugh. Apparently he’d lost the ability to banter back. She waited, ran her hand over him a few more times, barely touching, light enough to nearly drive him crazy as she watched his jaw clench. “Swan, please,” he whined and she took pity on him. She was supposed to be thanking him after all.

She undid the buckle of his belt and the button of his jeans, slid the zipper down until she could see him, spilling out of his pants, hard and straining. Fucking hell.

“Emma w-” his words caught in his throat, turning into a strangled moan when she dragged her tongue along the length of him. “Fuck,” he panted, hand coming up to fist in her hair. She loved seeing him like this, seeing him desperate and needy and out of control. He had her like this so often - it was nice to be reminded that she had the same effect on him.

She slid his pants further down his legs, enough so that she could take hold of him. She waited, her mouth a breath away until he looked at her. She felt a stirring in her gut both at the way he looked at her and at the words she was about to say. “You were a real gentleman last night,” she told him, her hand sliding slowly up and down. “You took such good care of me.” She sped up the pace, watched as his eyes fluttered closed for a moment. “But you’re not gonna be now,” she said and his eyes snapped open, widened as he stared at her. “You’re gonna sit there and watch while I suck you off. You’re gonna let me take care of you.”

“Bloody fucking hell,” he groaned and his words sent a fresh wave of lust and heat to her core, had her pressing her thighs together to try relieve the ache. She kept up the movement of her hand, brought him to her lips as she watched him watch her, saw the heady desire in his eyes.

“Got it?” she asked, waiting for an answer before she did anything, before she gave him what he wanted.

“Yes,” he cried, half whisper, half moan and she took him into her mouth. “Fuck. Fuck,” he called out as she licked and sucked at him, taking more of him in before pulling back and swirling her tongue around the head of him. His hand fisted in her hair, hard enough to hurt and she felt a sort of pride at reducing the eloquent Killian Jones to a few monosyllables and curses.

God, she wanted him. But this wasn’t about her. Well, it was a tiny bit, she mused as she looked up again to see his eyes fixed on her, to see the way he was staring at her like she was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen. It made her feel like she was, and to know how much he wanted her, how good she could make him feel was a heady combination.

She’d kept her pace fairly slow, drawing it out until she heard his whimpered “Emma, Emma please. I need -” He hadn’t finished his sentence, his eyes screwing shut and his mouth falling open as he gasped, his hand pulling at her hair now. She gave in, she’d teased him enough. She pulled him deeper into her mouth, hollowed her cheeks as she sucked and bobbed her head faster, letting him sink further with each drag.

He was still watching, still doing his best to anyway, but his eyes kept screwing shut, his lids heavy when they were open as his breathing became more erratic. She felt his hips thrust up into her mouth, hitting the back of her throat before he caught himself. She thrilled that he’d lost control, even if just for a second.

“Fuck, Swan, yes. Gods, you feel so good,” he rambled desperately. She loved how vocal he was. Even that first time, the way he spoke, the dirty, filthy things he let roll off his tongue while he fucked her had turned her on more than anyone had managed to before. “I want to -” he stopped, swallowed the words. She pulled back, let her hand take over, kept up the pace as she looked at him.

“You want to what?” she insisted, refusing to give him back her mouth until he answered, despite the subtle way his hand in her hair kept trying to nudge her back. “Tell me.”

“Fuck, I want to come in your mouth,” he cried. “I want to come down your throat and feel you swallow it.” Emma moaned, she actually moaned, his words sending a wave of heat straight to her clit, a fresh shock of desire soaking the fabric of her underwear. She’d done it. She’d conquered the gentleman.

He was looking at her, waiting, his face starting to look nervous, shocked like he couldn’t believe what he’d said. She brought his cock to her lips and let her tongue dart out, meeting his eye as she swiped over the tip, watching the way his darkened before she slid her mouth back over him, sucking and licking and pumping, setting a punishing pace.

She could feel how close he was, felt him harden and swell under her tongue and she pushed forward, let him sink to the back of her throat, hit it once, twice before he came with a hoarse shout, holding her against him for just a fraction of a second too long as his whole body tensed before he relaxed and his hand fell from her hair.

She released him, smiling proudly as she rolled over onto the bed beside him looking over at where he was laying. He looked absolutely ruined, naked and panting with his head still thrown back against the pillow, eyes shut tight and breath passing roughly through his parted lips. She loved how he looked when he was like this. He was gorgeous, indecent and rakish and she bit her lip, thighs rubbing together to try and calm the ache his appearance stirred in her. Maybe that hadn’t totally made them even for him punching Neal in the face for her and taking care of her all night, but she thought it was pretty fucking close.

He looked over at her finally, his head flopping over onto its side against the pillow, his eyes only half open. “That was…”

She raised an eyebrow teasingly at him. “Oh, I could tell.”

He reached for her weakly and she let him pull her to him, let him catch her lip between his, open under her and let his tongue slide slowly and lazy over her own. “You’re amazing,” he sighed as he pulled back and she laughed against his next kiss. Sated Killian was absolutely adorable and she’d only just begun to realise it, had only just started to stick around long enough to see him in his soft, almost drunken glory.

She’d been an idiot, missing out on so many things because she was scared, missing out on getting to know him, on seeing all these new sides of him. She liked every new bit that he revealed to her. And the bits she wasn’t crazy about, she still found endearing because they were uniquely him, because they made up the man that she’d finally allowed herself to admit she wanted in her life - indefinitely.

His kiss became more insistent, the hand on her cheek tilting her face, letting him open her mouth wider under his, his tongue tasting and exploring her mouth with deep, deliberate strokes and she moaned against his lips. He rolled her onto her back before she knew what was happening, his hand sliding down to her breast, teasing her nipple into a stiff peak as she whimpered and arched into his touch. She felt his smile against her lips just before he pulled away to pay attention to her neck.

“Killian, you don’t -” she tried to say but she was cut off by the gasped ‘oh’ that left her when his fingers trailed down, his mouth taking their place over her breast, rolling the rosy bud under his tongue. “You don’t have to,” she managed to force the words out. “That’s not what this was about,” she tried to explain.

“Hush, Swan,” he said, his fingers trailing over her hip now, groping at her ass sliding under the fabric, nails biting briefly at her flesh before trailing back around to the front, toying with the elastic. “This is what boyfriends do,” he said seriously, but she could feel his smile against her skin and her heartbeat picked up at the word ‘boyfriend’. She felt like a high schooler but in the absolute best way. Her heart practically stopped when his fingers dipped down into her panties, to where she was already hot and desperate for his touch.

“Bloody hell, Emma,” he cursed. “You’re soaked.” She could only nod, tongue coming out to wet her lip when he teased her entrance, then slid slippery fingers up to her sensitive nub, circling it slowly. “Did you enjoy that?” he asked with awe and lust heavy in his voice as he continued his feather-light touch. She squirmed against him. “Did you enjoy sucking me off? Making me beg you for more? Making me come down your throat? Did it turn you on?”

“Yes,” she breathed desperately and he rewarded her with more pressure, making her cry out against his skilled ministrations. She was already rolling her hips against his fingers wantonly, seconds after he’d started touching her. She couldn’t help it, making him fall apart had brought her so close to the edge already. He let her ride his hand for another moment, growling low under his breath, before he slipped out of her panties and she cried out in protest.

“I think it’s only fair,” he said, settling into the open space between her thighs. “That since you got to taste me,” he gripped the fabric at her hips, slid it down past her ankles. Her heart was pounding against her ribs in anticipation, at the look in his eyes - like he wanted to eat her alive. “I should get to taste you.”

Fucking yes, she wanted to scream but it was swallowed by a gasp as his lips closed over her, pulling her clit into his mouth with no preamble. Holy shit, she was going to come right here and now if he kept that up. His tongue flicked out, teasing the nub with a few, quick strokes before he released it, his mouth opening hot over her core and she didn’t know whether to moan in frustration or in pleasure.

He licked her slowly, bottom to top, once, twice, before sliding his tongue into her, thrusting and curling against her walls. “Jesus Christ,” she cursed and he groaned appreciatively against her, the feeling vibrating through her core and sending a fresh wave of heat and slickness between her thighs. He groaned again.

She couldn’t take it. She needed to come. She was too wound up, too high, too close. She couldn’t take the teasing. “Please,” she begged, hoping he’d take pity on her like she had on him. He pressed another hot, open-mouthed kiss against her before finding her clit again, pulling it between his lips and sucking as he pushed one finger and then another inside of her.

“Yes,” she sobbed as he found the perfect rhythm, the way he always did, the steady rocking of his fingers and the pulsing against her sensitive nerves driving her higher and higher. She grabbed for his hair, needing to hold onto him, needing something to ground her to reality. “Don’t stop,” she begged between frantic gasps and cries. He redoubled his efforts, increasing the speed of his fingers, sucking harder, curling, licking, flicking, and she broke, her whole body convulsing, her thighs gripping the sides of his head, a shout bursting from her as the world went silent for a moment. The only thing that existed was the feel of his mouth on her and the shudders wracking through her.

He eased her down, slowing his caresses until her aftershocks subsided and she melted against the mattress in a boneless heap. She laughed, a disbelieving, weak sound leaving her. She’d heard that sex got better when there were feelings involved but she’d always thought that was a load of bull. But now, ever since that night a week ago where she’d decided to try, each time they were together was more intense, more powerful, more earth-shattering. And this time - Jesus fucking christ she had not been prepared for this time.

“That was...” she rasped, mirroring his words from earlier.

“I know,” he said and she looked down to see him smirking, cocky and smug. He crawled back up, wiped his mouth with a tissue and pulled her in for a sweet kiss before tucking her against his chest. “You know, I think I’m gonna like this boyfriend thing,” he mused. She smacked his chest lightly and he laughed. He was right though. She was definitely already liking it.

She hitched a leg over his hip and smiled when he grunted, feeling him stir against her. “How late are we for breakfast?” she asked, knowing that their friends would likely be waiting for them downstairs as they did most mornings so they could all eat together in the hotel restaurant.

“A bit,” he admitted. “I’m sure they’ll understand though that last night was -”

“No, you misunderstood me,” she interrupted him, grabbing his bicep and pulling to roll him over on top of her again. “How late do you think we can get away with being for breakfast?” His grin matched hers as he leaned down to kiss her again.

***

They missed breakfast. They arrived in the hotel dining room just as their friends were heading back to their rooms to get ready to board the bus in an hour. They had a three hour drive, a sound check, a little downtime to settle into their hotel, and then a show at eight. Emma didn’t notice the nervous, concerned glances Mary Margaret and Ruby shot her when she walked in - or the way they changed to shock when they saw her smile, her hand clasped firmly in Killian’s. Mary Margaret’s mouth hung open in disbelief, looking quickly back and forth between the two of them. Ruby’s grin was wicked, pleased and knowing.

“If it isn’t our new celebrity,” Liam exclaimed as they reached them. Killian rolled his eyes, waiting for whatever his brother was building up to. “Congratulations on going viral,” he said, sarcasm dripping from every word. “And twice in one night, too.”

‘What are you talking about, brother,” he sighed, but Emma knew he wasn’t as annoyed as he was pretending to be, he was too happy - she could tell, she was too.

Liam handed over his phone to show him two articles, one after the other. The first was a rumor about them, a suspicion that they were together, with photos of them singing last night, a picture of them with their arms around each other. The second article was about the party, with photos clearly taken on someone’s phone, of him knocking Neal out. Emma tried not to smile at the way Neal was referred to as ‘a one-hit wonder who had been mostly absent from the music scene after his second album failed to live up to his debut’.

“You’re trending on Twitter,” Liam told him scornfully.

“And instagram! And Tik Tok,” David added with more excitement. “There’s a looped video of you knocking him out - they set it to music. Here, look, it’s pretty great.” David moved to show him but Liam stopped him, displeased.

“Lighten up, Liam,” Killian said. “You’re just jealous that I’m going to have the ‘bad boy’ rep in the band now and not you. Besides,” he added. “He deserved it.”

Some of the anger left Liam’s face then, his eyes flickered briefly to Emma. “Yes, I know.” Her heart swelled a little. She knew that her friends must have told him some version of what happened with Neal, but to see Liam support her was… kind of touching. Liam was fairly aloof. It was nice to know he cared.

She looked around to see the others wearing similar expressions and she realised then how much she’d gained when she agreed to go on this little adventure. She’d found Killian, but she’d also gained three brothers, and another sister in Belle. She loved this little makeshift family they’d created (albeit a fairly incestuous one) but she loved them and she planned to hold on to them.

“I wish I’d done it,” Ruby muttered. She looked at Killian then. “But I’m glad you did. That was very cool of you.” A look passed between them, some sort of unspoken understanding and Emma wondered what secret they had, what score had been settled.

“We should get going,” Belle said, glancing at her watch and they all nodded in agreement. Emma’s stomach growled. Not having eaten since before the show last night and having consumed an entire bottle of whiskey leaving her hungry and desperate for something unhealthy. Killian glanced around the room and grabbed a couple of pastries before they were put away, snuck them quickly out into the lobby with their friends. He handed her one. She smiled and thanked him as they walked, their arms bumping against one another, far closer together than was necessary.

“So are you two together now?” Graham asked when they reached the elevators. The others didn’t say anything, but Emma could see them all watching them out of the corner of their eyes.

“Are you?” Killian shot back, looking between him and Ruby with a raised brow. She knew what he was doing, knew he was still trying to protect her, not wanting to announce their newfound relationship before she was ready. But she was ready. She’d kept him a secret too long. It wasn’t fair to him. She wanted them to know.

Graham grinned. “I asked you first.”

“Yes,” Emma said and watched as seven pairs of eyes widened in shock - Killian’s included. She shrugged them off, taking a bite of her pastry. She felt Killian’s smile pressed against the crown of her head, his arms slipping around her waist.

“Oh god, it was bad enough when they were hiding it,” Ruby groaned. “They’re gonna be insufferable now.”

Emma glared at her but it was half-hearted, the grin pulling at her lips much stronger.

***

They had just finished their set, Ruby, Mary Margaret and Emma all taking their bows and shouting their thanks at the cheering crowd. Emma smiled at her friends. They all had equally massive grins on their faces. Each show they played they had a bigger round of applause. Each time they were up there, there were more people in the stands, people coming to see them rather than only to see Abandon Ship! and tolerating the opening act. There had been signs today in the stands, signs with her name on them, with Ruby’s and with Mary Margarets, decorated with hearts and catchy slogans and drawings of swans. This was really happening. They’d really made it.

They said one final farewell and rushed off the stage, hearts racing and adrenaline singing in their veins. The cheers continued, they usually did, people now warmed up and ready for the main act. She found Belle waiting for them on the side of the stage, a wide smile on her face.

“I think they’re ready for the guys,” Ruby laughed.

Belle shook her head. “Listen.” They looked back towards the stage, paid attention to the cries and the cheers. It wasn’t for Abandon Ship! - it was for them. They were screaming her name, demanding another song. Her jaw dropped as she turned to the other women.

“What do we do?” she asked and Belle’s brow quirked up.

“You go back out there and give the people what they want,” she said.

“Our first encore,” Mary Margaret squealed. “How exciting!”

“What do ya say, Em?” Ruby asked. Emma nodded but paused, her friends watching her eagerly.

“Do you think… look maybe this isn’t the best time to go up there and improvise but do you think we could try something new? Do you think you guys could follow me?” she hesitated. It was a big ask, risking their first encore for her to take a chance and finally, finally put herself out there.

“Fucking absolutely,” Mary Margaret said and Emma’s eyes shot up at her friend’s language.

“What she said,” Ruby laughed. “Just go out there and play. We’ve got your back.”

“Always,” Mary Margaret added.

She was so goddamn lucky. She had the best friends - the best family - she could ever ask for. She grabbed both their hands, felt them squeeze hers tightly and together they walked back on the stage. Emma sat down, picking up her guitar - one of those acoustic-electric ones she was so fond of, and looked back at her band. They were ready, instrument and sticks in hand. They offered her reassuring nods.

“Thanks for that,” she said into the mic and the crowd cheered loudly. She smiled. Sometimes she understood why Killian hamed it up so much up here. She didn’t have that in her though. “If um,” she hesitated. “If it’s alright with you I’d like to try something new.” Another collective cheer. “I’ve never played this before for anyone -” she looked back at the girls. “We’ve never even played this one together so, uh, bear with us,” she joked. The crowd erupted again when she started strumming.

This was it. She could do this. It was time to put her money where her mouth was and finally play something real - something scary and vulnerable and so goddamn terrifying, but she needed to. And she knew he would hear it - knew that the sounds from the stage travelled to the dressing room where he and the boys were getting ready - knew that he’d hear it and that he’d know - he wasn’t the only one who’d broken their rule.

She thought of him when she sang and it made her feel braver. She’d thought of playing the one they wrote together - the first one - but she’d changed her mind. She didn’t want the first real, honest song she played on stage to be about Neal - he didn’t deserve that. Killian did. Ruby and Mary Margaret joined in after the first chorus, always able to read her so well, and that made her braver too. She didn’t have to feel vulnerable on stage because she wasn’t alone. She had backup. She had family.

The crowd was dead silent for a moment when they finished and Emma’s heart hung somewhere in her throat, waiting, terrified to see if they would like this as much as they liked what she’d played before, if it was enough. The screams filled her ears, a roar that went through the room, echoing across the stadium, blending into a single, booming sound that seemed to go on forever. Ruby and Mary Margaret joined her, wrapped their arms around her and thanked the crowd, their voices barely heard over the noise despite their microphones. She was too stunned to say anything, her eyes stung.

They left the stage and it was a moment before she could hear her friends’ voices - over the crowd yes, but also over the blood rushing in her ears.

“That was amazing, Emma,” Ruby hugged her. Mary Margaret joined in from the other side, sandwiching her between them so that she could barely breathe. She laughed, tears still wetting her eyes but with joy, with excitement. They’d liked it. They’d liked her music - liked the real her and she could feel that thought swelling in her chest, opening it, like all the doubts and the fears she’d kept locked away in there to protect herself were finally being set free - she didn’t need them anymore.

“Have you found him?” she heard Liam’s voice saying, a little frantic, almost scared.

“No,” Belle said, her voice equally worried. “Graham’s got people searching the whole building and David’s checking out back in the alleys in case he stepped out. Emma’s heart seized. Belle, Liam, Graham, David. That left only one person. Where was Killian?

“What’s going on?” she asked and Liam turned to her, his face hesitant, like he didn’t want to tell her and it scared her because she knew that look. That was the look people gave when they were protecting someone, when answering your question put someone else at risk. After a moment he sighed, still looking panicked. “Killian’s missing.”

“What?”

“He wasn’t in the dressing room. We thought he was out here watching you play but he’s not. Nobody’s seen him in over an hour when he got a phone call and stepped out to take it.”

“Has he done this before?” Emma asked, her heart now pounding heavily in her chest thinking of all the places he could be, all the terrible things that could have happened.

Liam winced and nodded. “The last time he did this... We found him a week later. He’d gone on a bender. He didn’t even remember where he’d been.” He hesitated, like he was worried whatever he said next could upset her. “Did anything happen last night? Or this morning? Anything that could have set him off?”

She wanted to be sick. Was this because of them? She knew Killian had his own issues, his own baggage. But he was so carefree, so lighthearted and so kind that sometimes she forgot about the darkness he had inside of him - about what he’d lived through. She worried that maybe he’d acted the way she had in the past - sabotaged something good because he was too afraid of it, because he didn’t think he deserved it.

“We need to find him,” she said. Liam nodded and they all grabbed their coats.

“Belle, stall as long as you can,” Liam told her. “If we’re not back in thirty minutes… cancel the show.” Belle understood, agreed, Emma saw her squeeze his hand tightly, reassuringly before he left.

“Find him,” she said.

They searched for over two hours. Looked in every hotel and bar they could find, called his phone, called the police, called the hospital. Liam even called a couple of local AA meetings. Nobody had seen him. The show was cancelled but that was the least of her worries. She needed to find him. She needed him to be safe and with each passing second she imagined worse and worse fates that might have befallen him.

She was the one to find him, in a bar nearly ten miles away from the venue. He must have walked there. She felt a fist gripping her heart, trying to pull it out of her chest when she saw him. He was sitting at the counter, a bottle of rum and an empty glass on the table in front of him. She pulled out her phone, texted Liam who said he’d be there in ten. She approached him slowly and felt the grip loosen when she saw that the bottle was still sealed.

“Killian?” she asked and he started, turned to look at her. His expression relaxed when he recognized her. He looked angry - he looked heartbroken, defeated, and sad, but the anger simmered under the surface. She sat next to him, reeling at how familiar this scene was, how quickly their roles had reversed. He had the glass between his fingers now, was glaring at the bottle and she couldn’t tell which pull was stronger - how much he wanted it or how much he hated it.

“What happened?” she asked and he didn’t answer for a long while, his fingers playing along the edge of the glass. At least he’d started focusing on it now and not the bottle. When he finally spoke his voice was hollow, even the rage gone from it now.

“Gold,” he said and Emma tried not to let the confusion show on her face, wanted him to say what he needed to, to explain. “Milah’s husband. He’s up for early release.” Fuck. She didn’t know how to comfort him, what to do. How do you help someone deal with the man who murdered his love being released from prison?

“Good behaviour,” he scoffed. “What that really means is that he has his hand in enough people’s pocket.” She put her hand on his arm and he finally set the glass down, finally looked at her. “I’m leaving,” he said.

“What?” she asked, hating how small and broken she sounded.

“I’m going back to England. There’s going to be an appeal. Milah didn’t have any other family. There’s nobody else to stand up for her - nobody else to tell people what a monster he was. I need to go back.”

Emma tried not to listen to the voice in her head, the one that repeated over and over: I’m leaving. I’m leaving you. But it only grew louder, more insistent. He hadn’t asked her to come with him, hadn’t needed her help. He was leaving. Just like that. It hurt how easy that decision seemed to be.

She saw Liam and David coming through the door. She stood up, nodding her head, fighting the tears that were burning her eyes and her throat. She had to get out of here. She couldn’t let him see her break, couldn’t make this about her. But she had to get out. She couldn’t stand by to watch him leave her. She deserved this, she figured. She’d left him more than once and karma was a bitch.

She left him there, with his brother and his best friend. He didn’t even try to stop her, didn’t seem to notice her leaving. Ruby and Mary Margaret were outside when she got there. They took one look at her face and wrapped her up in their arms, asking what happened, what was wrong.

“It’s over,” she said. “Everything.” She’d tried. She put herself out there, risked it. And he’d still left. “Let’s just go home. I’m done.”

#of cars and bars #cs fanfiction #cs fanfic #captain swan fanfiction #captain swan fanfic #cs au #captain swan au #cs smut #captain swan smut #cs angst #captain swan angst

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critical-ramblings · 4 years

Text

Things that Mean More

On a second watch through of Critical Role campaign 2. (Ep 11-15)

“Maybe [Yasha] was a ghost the whole time, maybe the lightning exploded her, maybe she wandered out into the rain and lost her memory”...one of these is not like the others!

Molly: What should we do while keeping watch? Jester: We could find a candy store Molly: Wait there are stores specifically for selling candy?” sometimes Molly makes me sad

“Nott and Molly, you ready to go?” For some reason I expected him to say Caduceus and now I’m sad.

Matt is going really hard on the class differences between the Outersteads and the Tri-spire.

The three towers of the Tri-spire are the Zauberspire, the Constellation Bridge, and the Triumph Chime, which we don’t know much about because Beau rolled a 6 on her history check

Matt cracks himself up describing Chastity’s Nook. His face is SO RED. Liam: “I made you plan for this!”

Tusk Love makes an appearance! Who knew Matt’s smut shop prep would become a recurring theme this campaign

Beau, to Caleb: the Cerberus Assembly, you know much about them?

It’s so interesting to hear them talk about the state of the Empire and the Cerberus Assembly, because they’re just so...powerless.

I think Beau straight up says, “I don’t know, look at this. Look at how much money is up here compared to elsewhere. This is a lot of control.”

Caleb immediately asks, “so what do you plan to do about it?” after which Beau deflects to drinking booze and making money. Look how far they’ve come. :)

Caleb buys Jester bear claws and then Jester buys him the Courting of the Crick. Their love language has always been gifts

I remember not being a Huge fan of the political arc in Zadash, it’s pretty slow and doesn’t have a super conclusive end, even though they ‘succeed’

first explanation of the crick slur! this is also the first real experience we have with the Kryn Dynasty, and I remember wanting to know more about them! Xhorhas is like a black hole of knowledge, it’s just on the other side of the mountains and we know NOTHING

Doolan Tversky! What the FUCK Nott? WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

Dolan and Horace are...very relatable in today’s political situation

We talk about how bad it was for Molly to charm Nott, but she started it by stealing from Fjord. That doesn’t make it okay, but it does add some context. As far as PVP goes, she was the instigator

“I need him to be powerful. So he can save me.” the ‘using him’ undertones of the conversation are SO GOOD

Fjord is also asking all the right questions, but Nott is excellent at dancing around them. Even charmed, she doesn’t trust them enough to tell them.

“I did my own dental work” oh boooooooy i missed that one

the description of fictional Xhorhas is very :/

Fjord attempts to Manage Nott..it does not work...he asks Caleb to do it. Nott tells him she’s not an idiot. I think this is the first time she really pushes back against the infantilization

If you want your players to know someone is evil, have them advocate killing puppies and call tieflings ‘demonbloods’

proficient in mail fraud

man the Mighty Nein (and mostly Caleb) really Improved the Knights of Requital plan. We go from ~somehow~ tying Sutan to the Myriad and the High Richtor to framing the two of them for murder (of the Lawmaster)

intro of the meta-gaming pigeon! originally a signal in-game for investigating Dolan

Ren Sutan is the one they were investigating at the hospital, his father Deitrich Sutan is the one they frame in the Heist

The Hospital Scene....the last brain cell in the Nein went with Beau and Jester

the grin that Taliesin has when he says “I’ve got a plan” is Terrifying

after Molly’s done with his Disguise, Fjord says ‘do I dare ask how it looks,’ Molly says, ‘well, i can show you?’ and it’s CALEB who says “yes show us the goods”

“we are working together. we are TRYING to work together. Getting all of us out is more important than finding this asshole” Caleb, being a Team Player. This is 1 episode before scrollgate

Caleb tells Jester to keep her writing plain “not as charming as you normally speak”

hes so softe already

Nott and Caleb have a talk about learning Identify, how Nott supports Caleb, believes in him, which visibly makes Caleb uncomfortable. Nott is clearly fishing for ways to make Caleb more powerful without revealing why

The robberies/evidence planting actually goes off without (too much of) a hitch. Not much to say, until we get to the Scrolls

Fjord is classic dumbass, he escalates the situation (brings out the falchion) and then even if he agrees with Caleb (they’d already destroyed the rug in Sutan’s place) he can’t back down

Then Ulog’s sacrifice--absolutely the most interesting part of this arc, to me. He’s not just a thief, he’s a real revolutionary.

he also knocks Caleb out in one hit, which is Nice

The assassins strike the Zauberspire!!!!! Earlier this episode Sam says “We think Matt’s managing three plot lines, but there’s actually a fourth we don’t even know about” and he is Absolutely Right

god I want to write a fic about those two. It seems like the classic echo knight/wizard support combo, i want to know about these two special forces drow sent to retrieve the Beacon, the holy symbol of their people. Blessed by the Bright Queen herself. And they come so close. (if it weren’t for those meddling kids!)

Matt pulls this Advanced DM trick, where you have the party fight an enemy that would be completely annihilating them--if it wasn’t already injured.

The first impressions of the Beacon, from what they manage to glean from this Charmed assassin, are so interesting. Jester’s eternal mis-interpretation about babies (which isn’t...really wrong?)

The drow twitched when Ulog’s name was mentioned! Though the Gentleman’s association did not deal with the Krynn, Ulog knows some shady people. If he wasn’t a spy himself.

They don’t even take the Beacon! (But the time they took futzing about with the assassin was what allowed him to be captured and killed)

I just realized that the reason Caleb stays with the Beacon that first night isn’t because he’s afraid it’ll be stolen--it’s because as long as he’s within 5 ft it can’t be scried on!

Okay, Molly and Beau really do team up against Nott in this talking to. Nott Does Not Agree with their reasoning--in the episode before, it was Caleb who put the scrolls back to deescalate the situation. Caleb is the one here who has the aside with the skull about how much he wants to make this group work. It’s Nott who’s on the fence.

“He’s MY boy. I take care of HIM.”

Caleb tries, after the skull interlude, he tries to tell Nott. “You know, I was going to go to that place. The Soltryce Academy...But I fucked it up.” He can’t bring himself to say more than that.

Nott purchases the enchantment for her never-ending flask. 250 gold is nothing, when you’re a goblin who just likes shiny things.

Whenever Caleb has money, he spends it on paper and ink to transcribe spells. Whenever he doesn’t have spells to transcribe, he buys them. :)

Taryon Darrington!!!! I also fell out of my chair when this book came up. Can’t wait for Caleb to read it someday and declare it trash

MOLLY! He bullshits SO well, I (and Cree) bought into the idea that he just really wanted to stay on the DL. That’s really what I take away from this revelation, his intense desire to keep his past under wraps.

Meeting the Gentleman! Fjord won 600 gold with some good gambling, they get a job dungeon crawling, Laura isn’t there to meet her dad.

Yasha backstory! The crumbs we get about Xhorhas are so little, and I remember being a little confused about how big Xhorhas was, the difference between the region and the Krynn Dynasty, how connected everything is over there.

Caleb asks Fjord whether or not he used party funds to gamble. Fjord reassures him, but Caleb says he would be alright with it. “Calculated risks.”

From home Jester strikes with the Wand of Smiles...

This interrogation has so many good one-liners from our good Mollymauk. “That person is dead and not me” “The truth is vicious, it thinks you owe it something” “joy can fill an awful lot of a person’s life”

Caleb’s Joke: (about Pumat) “Well, [he’s] not one of a kind.” Molly: “Did you just make a joke?” Caleb: “No.”

Yasha in Pumat Sol’s shop is the most awkward we ever see her. She stumbles over her words, bails on her attempts at banter, DOES manage to roll a 14 Persuasion for a discount on her healing potions.

Important Caleb & Yasha bonding over buying the throwing stars for Beau

Liam really is the best Jester (besides Laura, of course)

Some really great early Fjord/Jester in the Underworks. “Don’t read into it.” “This is just like that scene in Tusk Love.” I think Fjord did flirt with Jester, but that came from a) heteronormativity and b) Fjord always pushes his luck. His curiosity and playfulness have burned him more than once--I don’t think he considers that he might also be hurting Jester with these interactions.

bonus Caleb: “It is sad when ships sink.”

Highlight of this dungeon crawl is Nott completely failing to rogue. Nott and traps don’t get along...

#cr #critical role #c2 rewatch #started before it was cool you guys

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iamfitzwilliamdarcy · 5 years

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Title: His Father’s Heart

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne (some), and OCs

Summary: A priest must have a father's heart, and Fr. Todd has had a good example. Or, the one in which Jason is a priest and starts a school. (a03)

Note: -shows up 4 months late with Starbucks and too many epigraphs- Happy (extremely belated) birthday to @catie-does-things!!! I finally finished this fic and have 9 pages of a google doc to give you <3 We discussed this once and then I just Ran with it (this fic is also how i learned there is no midnight Angelus???)

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to care for orphans and widows in their affliction....

-James 1:27

“Without confidence and love, there can be no true education. If you want to be loved…you must love yourselves, and make your children feel that you love them.”

“The school was not the end; it was rather the instrumental means for improving the way of life.”

-St. John Bosco

The school that never was supposed to be started with three boys.

Many would say it was Fr. Todd, who worked tirelessly for the crime, addiction, poverty ravished community he served. But Fr. Todd knew, and he knew God knew as well.

The school started with three boys, huddling behind the dumpster in the alley adjacent to St. Maria Goretti Catholic Church.

It was, when Fr. Todd reflected on it, the Hand of God, pushing them where they needed to be, beyond where they thought they ought to be. He was, after all, a diocosean priest, not of a teaching order, and kept plenty busy by the daily happenings of parish life. He had no room in his life for a school.

He was, though, also very much his father’s son.

And his father was not the kind of man to leave three, shivering boys in an alley because he was busy. Neither was the Lord, Jason reminded himself, who was in the least of these.

So he squatted down beside them, enough of a distance they didn’t feel cornered but close enough that he was a presence. And said, “Good evening.”

They were clearly brothers, with the same almond eyes and thick black hair. Even the one whose was curly fit in the set. Hunger made their faces gaunt, but beneath it, if one knew how to look, one could see the same jawline, the same off center nose.

The oldest one shifted to be in front of his brothers, glaring at Fr. Todd. “Go ‘way,” he said. “I know what you collar people do my momma told me and I say go way.”

Fr. Todd frowned, but kept his face and voice soft. “I promise,” he said. “I’m not here to hurt you. My momma warned me about dangerous men too.”

The boy continued to glare, not convinced. “I have food,” Fr. Todd offered, and the younger boys shifted behind him. Even the oldest betrayed himself with longing in his eyes, though he quickly masked it. “And a warm bed.”

The little ones were sold, but the oldest was smarter. He clearly wanted the food and the bed, but he didn’t trust a stranger.

Smart enough, Jason thought. He himself hadn’t trusted Batman when they’d first met.

Better the evil you know, right?

Jason rocked back on his heels, thinking. “Stay here,” he told them. “I’ll be right back.”

He got up and quickly returned to the rectory. He called the Bishop, waking him up in the middle of the night. Jason, who had requested the exorcist more than any priest in the entire state, had earned that privilege.

“Almost time for the Angelus,” he said cheerfully, before the bishop warned him about the optics of three boys staying in a priest’s rectory, then added a small lesson of what the Lord would do, contrary to the optics.

He made a few sandwiches, snagged a couple of water bottles, dumped Fr. Dominic’s hot chocolate from the stove into a thermos, grabbed a blanket, pocketed his cellphone, and made his way back to the alley.

He sat down, cross-legged, still enough distance the boys didn’t feel trapped. “Here’s the deal,” he said, handing out the sandwiches; the oldest boy didn’t stop the younger ones, but he still eyed the bread and meat in his hand like it was poisoned. “You can let me help you or I’m going to have to call someone else who can.

“The cops?” asked the littlest one, and Jason nodded. “I can’t leave you out here. It’s going to drop below freezing tonight. I have a contact with GCPD, but I won’t lie to you, if we go that route, likely you’ll end up in a group home and the foster system, if they can’t find your mom or she isn’t able to take care of you.”

“She’s dead,” the oldest said abruptly.

“I’m sorry,” Jason said. He knew what that was like, to find your mother dead, to have nobody else. After a pause, he added, “When my mom died, my adopted father caught me stealing the hubcaps off his car.”

The middle one laughed a little and Jason smiled at him. “It was pretty scary, but he turned out to be a good man. He’ll help you, too, if you let him.”

“We don’t need help,” the oldest boy asserted. The sandwich seemed to give him strength and he glowered at Jason again. “I told you.”

“That’s not one of the choices,” Jason said.

“Who’s your dad?” the middle one piped up.

The older boy threw him a dirty look, but Jason answered, “Bruce Wayne.”

The little one leaned forward, eyes wide, and whispered, “He knows Batman.”

Jason whispered conspiratorially back, “So do I.”

That, more than anything, sold the younger two. Even the older, still wary, agreed to come back to the rectory with him.

Fr. Dominic was awake, grading papers at the table. He eyed the three small boys, smiled, and said, “I was so sure my hot chocolate went to a good cause and looks like I was right. Who do we have here?”

The oldest boy gave his younger brother’s a stern look, one that looked out of place on his young face, but they ignored him. The littlest piped up that his name was Joey and Liam was the middle and his biggest brother was Tucker. Dominic shook each of their hands solemnly, even Tucker’s, and then let Jason slip away to make a phone call.

Dominic was still awake when Bruce Wayne showed up in Lululemon joggers and a henley at the rectory and deposited a sleeping nephew into Jason’s arms.

“Since I’m a good Catholic and all,” Dominic said, “I won’t say there are too many kids. Just seems like a lot for a rectory at 1am.”

“We’re night people,” Jason said apologetically, raising his eyebrows at Bruce.

“Dick’s sick,” Bruce explained as Johnny snuggled his head into the crook of Jason’s shoulder. “And Barbara’s out of town. I couldn’t get out of the Mansion without this one tagging along.”

He held up a bag and said, “It should be enough clothes for a couple of days. I swung through the store and got some toothbrushes too.”

“You’re a blessing,” Jason said, stepping back to let Bruce in.

Bruce grunted in acknowledgement. Then muttered something about needing a throat blessing before he caught whatever illness Dick had come down with. It was, apparently, hitting him hard.

“St. Blaise’s Feast Day isn’t for a few months, but I think I know a guy who could hook you up,” Jason teased, shutting the door and following him towards the kitchen.

Dominic had gone ahead of them, and his grading had turned into discussing the religion test questions with the younger two boys while their brother watched from his place leaned against the counter.

Tucker eyed Jason and Bruce as they came into the room, and Tommy in Jason’s arms. “Who’s that?” he demanded.

“Nephew,” Jason told him. Jerked his head at Bruce as an introduction, but Bruce beat him to it, holding out a large hand and saying “Bruce Wayne.”

Tucker did not shake it, eyeing Bruce suspiciously. As Bruce dropped his hand, the kid said, abruptly, “My momma used to work for you. ‘Fore she got sick.”

It was the most he’d said after telling Jason to go away, and it was the type of thing Bruce would take personally.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t help her,” Bruce said after a moment. “I would like to help you now.”

When the boy didn’t answer, Jason gestured to the bag and said, “Bruce brought some clothes for you to change into after you clean up. You can take my room for the night, the bathroom’s attached.”

Tucker eyed them like he was waiting for the catch, but when none came, he abruptly moved away from the counter to usher Liam away from Dominic and snatch up Joey’s hand. He glared at the adults as he shut the door to Jason’s room behind them, as if daring any of them to try anything.

“You were that defensive,” Bruce reminded him quietly, so that Dominic couldn’t hear. “When we first met.”

Jason knew. He’d been cocky and brash, but it had never really covered up the fact that he’d been a distrustful 11 year old who didn’t really know how to look out for himself.

“I got ahold of Jim,” Bruce continued, louder. “Said he’d send a social worker in the morning but odds were in my favor of being able to foster while they sort it out.”

“Gordon can’t decide that,” Jason muttered, with a head shake, but the way Gotham rolled, the commissioner did have a lot of influence.

“Do you need me to stay?” Bruce asked. He glanced at Dominic, then took a step forward and settled his hand on Jason’s shoulder.

Jason smiled at him. “I think I can survive on a couch for one night.”

“He slept on a cafeteria floor at last year’s high school retreat,” Dominic piped up.

“Kid forgot his sleeping bag,” Jason said with a shrug, shifting his nephew’s weight. Johnny had crashed since getting here and was dead weight in Jason’s arms, drooling slightly on his shoulder.

Jason caught Bruce’s eye, who smiled a little. They both knew Jason had slept on harder than a cafeteria floor before.

“I’ll come back in the morning,” Bruce said.

Jason raised his eyebrows higher. “For Mass,” Bruce agreed. He paused, and added, “Alfred will send food I’m sure.”

“Yes,” Dominic cheered quietly, raising a hand in victory.

He rose to lay his hands on Bruce and Johnny with Jason, to offer them a blessing before they left.

“You know,” Dominic said thoughtfully, after they were gone, watching the closed door of Jason’s room, behind which the shower was still running, “those kids are smart. Think Bruce would enroll them at St. Xavier?”

Jason frowned. “It’s far from Wayne Manor. He’d do it, but I don’t know how the kids would like that commute.”

“Far from here too,” Dominic agreed. He yawned and stretched as if to prove his point. “Speaking of, I should get some sleep. Take my bed, I’ll take the couch.”

But Jason shook his head. “I want them to be able to find me if they need to.”

***************

It took a long time for the boys to settle in with Bruce as a foster; the younger two settled better They’d had to switch out of their public schools because they were not districted there anymore. They hadn’t been to school in a while anyway, Jason gathered.

There was plenty of catching up for them to do, Dominic somehow found time to tutor them in between his own papers and gradings and other priestly duties.

The boys, like the rest of Jason’s family, became a semi-permanent fixture at the rectory.

***************

That was how it started. There was Dominic’s numerous mentions of St. Xavier being too far away, of the boys’ intelligence, the need for a more individualized approach that private school would afford.

There was the lady at the parish who sobbed to Fr. Todd one morning that she could not afford Catholic school and her district was not a good place for her children--no education, she said, just violence. She was scared they’d join a gang or start using drugs. St. Xaxier had scholarships to offer, but it wasn’t enough, and she had no way of getting her kids to school so far away.

“St. Maria Goretti parish has always been in the thick of the throes of poverty,” Fr. Paul, the pastor, had said gravely when Jason had mentioned it to him later.

There was the altar boy who tarried too long at the church after Mass, following Fr. Todd like a duckling, asking theological questions. He never wanted to go home and sometimes sat on the church steps doing math homework until Jason let him inside to pray.

There was the 17-year-old drug dealer Officer Grayson picked up off the streets; Dick got him set up with a WE program but conditionally that he stop dealing and earn a high school degree, but going back to high school hadn’t put him in the best environment, and he was dealing again within the year.

There was child after child, and family after family, who needed something more.

***************

Cardinal Tolan was the one who first brought up the school. Fr. Paul was retiring, and Jason appointed pastor in his leave.

“The Nashville Dominican sisters are looking in this area to open a school,” the cardinal said. “I think maybe St. Maria Goretti parish could be benefited by that.”

Jason nodded. “A boys school,” he said, as way of agreement. “We’ll need one for the girls as well. The Sisters will know what to do.”

“We have a donor,” Cardinal Tolan added, thoughtfully. “I’m sure he has enough for two.”

“And boarding,” Jason said, thinking hard. “We’ll need housing for some of them. Students need to feel like it’s home.”

Cardinal Tolan looked at him a long time, then said, “Truly, you have a heart after the Father’s.”

“I had a good example,” Jason replied, flushing a little.

***************

It was another two years before the school was built. The sisters moved in, Fr. Todd was appointed chaplain, and the first year saw only 15 students from 9-12th grade, Tucker among them.

He’d been the most resistant to Bruce and Fr. Todd over the years, though Jason accepted that he loved as best he could. His brothers adored them, more than Jason anticipated. They’d become altar boys at St. Maria Goretti’s as soon as they’d been able, and had cried when CPS had finally tracked down an aunt nearby to take them in.

They stayed in contact throughout the years. They continued in their service as altar boys, and had dinner at least twice a month with Bruce. Jason usually joined, when obligations allowed him.

When the school opened, their aunt enrolled Tucker, the only one high school aged, right away. Full scholarship, she’d told a bewildered Jason, who knew the diocese hadn’t been able to set up any scholarships yet.

Leave it to Bruce, he thought ruefully.

***************

By the time the schools were ready to open younger grades, Joey and Liam were ready for high school, and they joined Tucker, now a senior, at Maria Goretti’s. The younger ones were still rambunctious, but Tucker had grown into a rather solemn young man. He frequently did his homework at Jason’s kitchen table, mouthing quietly to himself or asking Fr. Dominic to read over his papers, while the younger boys played sports or just waited for their aunt to be off work and pick them up.

He graduated salutatorian with a full ride to Catholic University in DC.

Jason, handing out diplomas at his graduation while the school secretary announced names, didn’t cry a bit when Tucker shook his hand, and then leaned in to whisper, “thank you.”

He did look out and find Bruce, caught his gaze, and smile.

Bruce understood.

***************

Two years later and new Masters degree to join the one he already had, Fr. Todd was appointed principal and chaplain of the school. He’d been involved from the start, as the parish pastor, but now he took even more responsibility.

“Should’ve been a Salesian,” the cardinal teased, when he told Jason.

Fr. Todd laughed and shook his head, “Maybe a Domican at that. But God saw fit to use a simple parish priest.”

***************

Four years later, Tucker sat in his rectory, a month out from his college graduation.

Bruce had been over for dinner but Tucker declined a ride home to his aunt’s. There had been something on his mind all night, Jason knew. He’d danced around the issue of a post-graduate career, awkwardly steered the conversation away from a Wayne Enterprise job waiting for him as soon as he said the word.

It wasn’t until Bruce left, after exchanging a significant look with Jason, and Jason had poured them a rather heavy nightcap, that Tucker blurted out, cheeks flaming in embarrassment, “Will you wrote me a recommendation for seminary?”

Fr. Todd lowered his glass and blinked at the boy in front of him. Now 22, Jason could still see the small defiant, malnourished boy that had huddled in his alleyway. Something like pride and warmth rose up in his chest. Had this been how Bruce felt, all those years ago, when Jason himself had given up the red hood for a white collar?

After a long pause, Fr. Todd managed, “For here or for Mount St. Mary’s?”

Tucker looked up, surprised. “Here,” he said firmly. And still too much of a hooligan, finished what could have stayed unspoken, “obviously.”

Jason said, “Of course.”

He took a sip of his scotch, suddenly feeling the prick of tears at his eyes, and looking at the young man before him, remembered a little boy hiding behind a dumpster on a cold winter night, and then a little boy stealing hubcaps off the Batmobile, and then man God had sent him to save his life.

#jason todd #bruce wayne #Fr. Todd AU #fanfic tag #my fic #batfam #katie's adventures in writing

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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

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Quick Thoughts on The Royal Retcon Book 1 Chapter 11

• You've gotta admit, guys. This series spends more time retconning various aspects of their original story than they do on the actual premise.

• The food fight was wild and chaotic, the background history is always welcome, seeing Jess and Blake was nice and the moonlit hot springs scene was a nice change from everything...but my head is spinning from the constant shifts, okay?

• To avoid seeing my QTs in your dash, blacklist the following tags: #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs, #long post.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Abhirio YouTube channel

Maxwell: @thethots-plicken and @itsbrindleybinch

Drake: The HIMEME YouTube channel

• Title: The Prodigal Father

Alternative: Most Parents in TRR Shouldn't Have Even Been Parents To Begin With

• The last chapter ended with a surprise twist: the return of Barthelemy Beaumont, father of Bertrand and Maxwell Beaumont. We had a lot of questions. Did Bertrand know he wasn't dead? Did Maxwell not know he wasn't dead? What the hell was he doing all these years and why had he left his sons in such a horrible position?

• Turns out the writers may have taken a leaf out from a Hindi serial or something coz - drumrolls - he was in a coma!

• Why do we never hear much about this so-called illness or even have a name put to it. What mysterious illness caused Barthelemy to deteriorate so much that he was trying out miracle cures from quacks and that he ended up in a coma for years? Why were his next of kin not informed when he came out of it or while he was rehabilitating? Why the heck wasn't Maxwell telling his wife this, or Bertrand his girlfriend? There is so much about this plot that doesn't even make sense.

• How does Barthelemy remember Drake from the court days but not Savannah ("Liam and Drake, you're so grown up now! Miss Savannah, you're lovelier than your reputation..."). Somehow he knows what's been said about Savannah and about Hana's accomplishments - wait if he'd been mostly getting his body back in order, how would he know this stuff? Who is telling him this? (Godfrey?? Is that why he's so faux-patriotic around us now??? Is that his real reason for visiting Cordonia only once a year or something?)

•

In Liam and Drake's cases, Barthelemy says the same thing about how Maxwell outdid himself by bringing the MC to the House, and that she has brought prestige to the Beaumonts. It's in Hana's and Maxwell's cases that the dialogue is different. In Maxwell's it's obviously as his daughter-in-law that he greets you, and in Hana's he speaks of now having two "daughters" in his house.

• Barthelemy then gets to the more serious part of his departure - the fact that Bertrand had to shoulder the responsibilities of being Duke earlier because of Barthelemy's condition, and that now Bertrand can relax while his father takes care of things at the estate. Is that care for his son talking...or his desire for control? I'm leaning towards the second.

• I'm pretty sure Bertrand is leaning towards the second because he's looking pretty resistant about this sudden change. His bride-to-be, Savannah, in the meantime, is super happy to meet her father-in-law and son's namesake. Hah. That'll change.

• Maxwell is nervous. Because he wants his father to see how different he is now, and how responsible he has become, but doesn't know what his old man will think. Don't worry, Esther says, plan this smartly and you'll get a new Pictagram follower!

• In any case, Maxwell's friends promise to help him get through this and support him, except for Drake who thinks he can impose limits (like "no singing"), because, yknow. The universe has to revolve around his comfort zone. Must be a Walker trait.

• More Jess and Blake nuggets! You get an option to ask them how they met, and they tell you about the cruise they first worked in (and presumably where Jess' sister met Liam's brother and (optionally) married him) and how they used to butt heads often. Nice RoE nugget, too bad the writers have so far barely even remembered Liam's brother who is from that series!

•

Yeah yeah I know that Kiara is probably back in Castelserraillian like the other courtly ladies (or chilling in a hotel somewhere in Texas), but if they're all supposed to be there for the wedding Savannah might as well have included her. Not only is Savannah a stinky fiancée and a stinky person in general (not a surprise considering her family), she is also a stinky friend.

• I repeat: my MC Esther has done practically nothing for Savannah. Nor has Hana. Why are we such a huge part of her ceremony again when she already had a long-time friend from court who had actually helped her and actually cared?? Only because we're the ones on an extended holiday in her ranch? Then say that - why do you need to make such a long speech about friendship while snubbing the one woman who made a damned effort to help you? (oh...right. I keep forgetting. Kiara is only remembered when people want to use her 😒).

• At the start of the rehearsals, Savannah tells Jess about the horse-riding-to-the-altar tradition, complete with a saddle that's been a family heirloom. Bianca and Leona, apologetically, inform Savannah that they had to sell it. Savannah tries to mask her disappointment, but fails. Barthelemy in the meantime, jumps in, in what he assumes would be "saving the day" (it's not, Bartie Sr. It really isn't)

Bartie...dude...you just got here. You can't already know what'll make your daughter-in-law happy when you've only spoken to her for all of five seconds. Plant your ass at the back of the congregation where it belongs!

• The girl really really wanted that saddle, okay Bartie Sr? Allow her to grieve that lost dream ffs.

• This scene I guess is helpful because while it still places Bartie Sr rather awkwardly in the "father trying to make amends and be caring" category, it gives you an inkling of why that persona doesn't sit so well on him. Bartie Sr may assume that this is something a caring parent does, except that what he's really doing is taking over, making all the attention revolve around him, believing he knows best and not listening to anyone. Even when he's being "nice".

• That saddle is going to come back some way or other, and it's probably going to be a diamond option, for which the free option is Savannah walking down the aisle with Bartie Sr. Eh. She threw a tantrum at my reception so her boyfriend could marry her, I'm not about to get her her dilapidated saddle. She can make do with her crusty father-in-law.

(The other possibility is that [at the end of the chapter] Bertrand left the house to get it or something idk, and it might be free after all. Is it too late to ask for the entire WEDDING to be a diamond option?)

• So this exchange leads us all to the Beaumont brothers remembering their childhood. Maxwell views it all through rose-coloured spectacles, Bertrand has very different memories of that time. Which is such a change from the previous series! I mean, wasn't Bertrand the one who kept going "my father's legacy, my father's legacy", while Maxwell was the one who didn't have very good memories of that time?

I can always imagine that Bertrand's views on his father must have changed when he started taking on the responsibilities of a father himself (thus making him view his childhood as 'not normal'). And Maxwell may well have come to appreciate Bartie Sr once he began taking House responsibilities. But guess who is breaking their heads to make these "connections". Us. Not the writers. Not the team in charge of this story.

• There are two PoVs to this scene: Maxwell's and Bertrand's. Maxwell's is the one that is lighter, funnier, showing us a wilder side of his brother, Bertrand is given the meatier one, with intrigue and a hint of plot.

- We're taken back to when Bertrand's motorbike was just purchased, and the boys choose to take it for a test ride. The Bertrand shown here is kinda similar to the one in the 6-years-ago flashback in Book 1, just...younger and cuter. Apparently in the time that Bertrand was living alone in a house with Maxwell, he aged like an avocado.

- What's with using this team and using the Waverley kids' faces for the Beaumont brothers??

- Young Bertrand and Maxwell don't mind living on the wild side - taking the Cavilieri Novanta 9S on a test drive through different areas in the estate, planning how they'll debut this beauty at the Beaumont Bash and generally making a racket. Bartie Sr scolds them from the window of his office, then asks them to come up and see him there. Bertrand opts to protect little Maxwell from his father's ire by going there alone, and then telling his brother that their father is "very proud" of them. Maxwell doesn't question this (the writers have forgotten that Young Maxwell was perceptive even as a little boy, so I'm not quite buying that he simply accepted what Bertrand said at face value), and jumps instead into planning a logo for their biker jackets (he suggests a kraken and a tiger). They can also opt to have a special kraken-related handshake.

- Bertrand, however, fills in the blanks, speaking to us about what he witnessed at the office, and what actually transpired.

This conversation is the point of the whole scene, and is connected to the Young! Drake scene in the sense that Bartie Sr and Godfrey are from the Great Houses that Constantine mentions are opposing the alliance with Auvernal. While they don't tell us what has disappointed these two so much, we do get the idea that they are displeased esp with the Queen because she has somehow convinced Constantine to not agree with what the two are planning so quickly. It's very possible that their frustration with Eleanor might have gotten them involved in some way with her death, but it's also possible that there are other players involved.

- Bertrand does not focus much on this bit because Bertrand is young and his priorities are different. The interesting thing about using these childhood flashbacks for the characters is that we will always get an incomplete picture, if only because the kids' priorities are different, and for them these side discussions will always count as "adult stuff". Big, scary, too complicated to understand.

- We do get a mention of Maxwell's weight (finally!). The writers frame it as Maxwell losing his weight after his mother's death and getting his regular exercise with his brother. This we get to know by Bartie Sr's fat-shaming comment about not wanted to see Maxwell get back to his "wide suits" (Seriously. Fuck this guy).

• Hypocrite alert! Godfrey who treats his perfectionist daughter as a failure just for existing and being a girl, now thinks he can yap about "being too hard" on one's children. Go fuck yourself Godfrey Not Gao (this nickname was brought to you by @callmetippytumbles).

• The bit that's most important to Bertrand is that he tries to pass an overdue bill to his dad, and his father ignores it to concentrate on "bigger" things. Which kinda leads you to believe that the problem existed waaaaay before Bartie Sr started believing in miracle cures for his mysterious illness. In fact I'm pretty sure both those things might be fabricated.

• So that's what Bertrand is trying to tell us. That Bartie Sr expected his sons to understand responsibility when he was not exactly ready to live up to that example himself. It still doesn't make sense though, considering every time Bertrand spoke about Bartie Sr it was as if he had to uphold the same legacy, and everytime Maxwell spoke about him it was to highlight what a disappointment he was to his father...and funny enough they've now switched roles.

• Anyway, Maxwell is now more inclined to believe Bartie Sr has turned a new leaf, while Bertrand is wary. He is not wrong about the controlling aspect though, even when his dad is trying to be nice he's being a controlling ass.

• Hana comes in and comforts Bertrand, in a scene I found pretty touching. She knows plenty about controlling, overbearing parents who expect plenty from her but fail to measure up to the little that she asks of them. I love how she makes the point that, having support or company of any form, works to lessen the pain of that kind of upbringing...and she knows this because she never had it.

• The bonding that takes place between Hana and Bertrand is lovely, although it's marred by the fact that were we going by the original idea of the Beaumont brothers' lives, Maxwell would be the one she'd be comforting.

• Two bits that stood out to me were where Bertrand offered to make up for all those years of disappointment and pain that Hana suffered, by being a sort of stand-in older brother now - and Hana's response to the whole idea of mending bridges:

I love the fact that she says this even as she still maintains her complicated relationship with her mother. It's small but a lot more than she was allowed to say earlier. In Book 3, a lot of what they had Hana say to Lorelai was more for Lorelai's benefit than her own (constantly educating her and telling the family that the most important thing was that they be happy together). Her responses were centered around Lorelai's comfort, not Hana's conflict. At least here, she gets to state (while safely away from her parents) how complicated her relationship with her parents is. I just hope this is not the last time we hear about it.

• It's now time for the rehearsal dinner! Everyone's seated at a pop-up restaurant Blake and Jess have made for the wedding, and includes the courses for the special day. It's bruschetta, a quiche and the wedding cake for dessert.

•

Auntie Bitch I hope you realize that the biggest freeloaders in this house are your own nephew and niece! Drake doesn't have a job until his wedding is over (unless one counts moaning and griping while enjoying shit that his BFF has paid for, his job (oh...wait...maybe that's why "Constantly Complaining Freeloader" was listed as a job description in his Italian Restaurant scene lmao)). The other biggest freeloader is your niece, who didn't mind accepting money from Maxwell and then turned around and acted towards Bertrand like she didn't need his damn money that she was already using.

• Also for the amount of complaining Leona has been doing for her own niece's wedding she might as well have not hosted them at all. You took the responsibility, you made all the guests you were hosting do work for you and spent all your time mocking them for not having the kind of specific skillsets you grew up with. If you wanted to stay alone with your sister in this crusty dilapidated ranch where you probably don't even pay people fairly, you could have told Savannah to go somewhere else. Like Applewood. Or Ramsford idk. You couldn't even save the saddle your niece would have wanted for the wedding, and if that's not a pointer to what a failure you are, Leona, IDK what is. So maybe stop acting like you're better than the nobles and keep quiet.

• Bianca states that she has never depended on the Crown yet somehow left behind both her children whose well-being was largely being maintained from the Crown coffers???

• But also given the response to Liam I have a feeling we might have a flashback from her next chapter. While she doesn't appear as angry as her sister, there is definitely an underlying bitterness there that I think the narrative might explore before we leave Texas. Idk.

• Bartie Sr focuses his attention on us again, insisting that he is like a father figure to us. You can either firmly refuse (my favourite option), express pride in House Beaumont (which pleases Bartie Sr no end) or be polite (in which case Liam lets out a cryptic "how generous of you" aimed at Bartie Sr it one point, showing us that he's not very impressed. Hmm. Hmm.)

• Bartie Sr is being controlling again, complaining that the quiche is not an elegant main course and insisting to Savannah that she try whatever he is demanding for the wedding. He keeps saying "trust me Savannah, you'll love it!" as if he knows her tastes better than she herself does.

• Chuck tries to offer cake, and Bartie Sr in his eagerness to refuse accidentally tosses it over on Leona's clothes.

• That's kiiind of a breaking point with Leona, and to sum it all up, THIS happens:

Jess has seen and participated in utter chaos, okay. So for her to appear all flummoxed and say "it was...a lot", it really, really has to be a lot.

• My favourite parts have to be Hana and Liam thoroughly enjoying the food fight and finding it cathartic, because they're the two who most need to channel their repressed energies into that kind of catharsis. Drake and Maxwell don't feel this need as much as they do because they already have ways and opportunities to channel it.

• The fight allows both the nobles and the Walkers to meet on common ground - common enough ground that Bertrand can (if we choose) finally tell his father that he and Savannah can manage their own wedding, thank you very much.

• Funny how Bertrand is expected to stand up to his father and ensure that what Savannah wants is not ignored, yet Savannah herself never makes even a quarter of the effort that he does, in making Bertrand comfortable in her home. Why does Bertrand have to do all the work in this relationship? Why do I only see Savannah complaining when Bertrand is not doing things exactly as she wants them to be done, yet not even lifting a finger when he's the one who needs the help and reassurance? Perhaps the best option is if he becomes runaway groom.

• We get to give one (1) solitary fuck about the country we're leading when we're back in the bedroom after this whole skirmish has gone down.

• LI diamond scene! At a moonlit hot spring nearby. The scenes mostly include the mandatory admiration for the lingerie, awe at the scenery and once the sex is done, an exploration into family and children from the would-be parents.

Liam: Calls the MC a "twilight goddess fit for worship" as soon as he sees her with her lacy lingerie in the moonlight. If you've done those scenes, there's a mention of the Forgotten Falls and the Blue Grotto and how Liam has a penchant for whisking the MC away to secluded watery places. (Liam also mentions finding a matching pearl to the first one they got at the Blue Grotto, even though the writers have practically forgotten what has happened to that first one 🙄).

The MC can choose to either go fast or slow in the love scene, and afterwards, Liam wonders aloud whether all families are complicated. The MC can counter this, by telling Liam they can ensure their child never gets to the point that Bertrand or Hana have by ensuring the child has their space to be open about how they feel.

Caption: Spring Fling

Hana: The two women mostly admire each other in silence (Hana tells the MC she would simply like to look at her as the MC gives a twirl) and the MC suggests expanding the "sample size" of Hana's lingerie because Hana in the moonlight is a vision. Hana offers to massage the MC's shoulders, and speaks about wanting to get away from the chaos and check in on her. Hana wants to take as much of their alone time as possible to check if the MC is doing okay, which IMO is her way of maintaining a relationship - by giving her partner space to talk about how they feel, something she rarely had the opportunity to do. She also admits to how exhilarating the food fight was. Hana is playful and teasing in her love scene, and brings the MC to the point where she will beg for more.

Once they are done, the two speak about how being in this place is like being in a fairytale, and there's a particularly lovely line nestled in this bit:

I wished for storybooks with scenes just like this as a kid. Not ones where the princess got rescued by the prince or the knight...but where she found love and happiness on her own...and the freedom to embrace them.

It's...it's so beautiful 😭

Caption: Woodland Nymphs

Maxwell: Now obviously Maxwell has the most personal experience among the four this time, since it's his father that returned home, and it's his family that is now dealing with some tough, complicated questions. Some of that shows in this scene. It begins with Maxwell seeing the MC in her lingerie and confession he almost forgot she had them...which is a good thing otherwise he would never be able to concentrate on anything else. He speaks to her about all the things he loves about her and about their relationship - especially how much they make each other laugh. Underwater, the two let go of their restraint and make love with abandon.

The conversation that follows is the most important, exploring Maxwell's feelings about his father's return. He doesn't have a lot of memories of his father - most of it was from when he was very young, or from Bertrand's eyes. Maxwell is very happy that Bartie Sr has returned, and wants him to see how happy he is with the MC. He speaks of wanting to tell him about the social season, about marrying the MC, about his bestseller book. There is a cute bit where the MC asks whether he would tell Bartie Sr about the hippo tattoo and Maxwell seems almost terrified by that option. But overall, there is nervousness in his scene, and also hope. He definitely is invested in making his old man proud. Proving himself has always been a theme with Maxwell, and that need possibly will increase with the arrival of his father.

Caption: Blue Lagoon

Drake: Calls the MC in her lingerie in the moonlight, "art that should be in a museum". The two admire each other in their new lingerie, and then admire the scenery. Drake has brought the MC to the hot spring mostly because it was rumoured to be called "Makeout Point", and he's always been curious to see what the big deal was. The MC can point out the beauty and romantic potential of the area, mentioning that she can imagine a sixteen year old swooning if her high school sweetheart brought her there, "or a duchess, if her marshmallow brought her here". During the love scene, Drake likens her to a siren, the sex can either be rough or gentle and the MC can either take control or allow him to.

Towards the end, the two talk wonder how their child might be, who they would resemble. There's a bit of banter back and forth about how the world is not ready for their collective sass 😄 I think because Drake is the most comfortable with his own family now, that his conversations with the MC about family focus largely on his memories of good times, and on what their child will be like.

Caption: Spring Fever

• Why the hell are you guys ruining all that nice lingerie in water!!!

• After a few days, and presumably on the day of the wedding, Savannah comes to us, shocked and worried, telling us that Bertrand is gone. This could be either a fakeout leading to him trying to get something nice and romantic done for her, or his insecurities cropping up IDK.

• General Thoughts:

- As much as I'd LOVE for the twist to be that Bertrand has realized this marriage will never work and has called it all off, I know for a fact they won't let that happen. Either his insecurities have come to a head with Bartholemy's return and he needs time to clear his head, or he's gone all heroic and tried to get Savannah's saddle for her, which we then have to pay diamonds to retrieve.

- Some way or the other that saddle is going to feature.

- They'll have Bertrand do something heroic I guess so that Leona will FINALLY stop being a whiny asshole. And Savannah as usual? Will not even lift her little finger.

- I'm more worried about what Bartie Sr will be upto once he's back at Ramsford estate! Esp given that his controlling has already begun at an event as innocuous as a wedding. ALSO given that this man will be back in Cordonia!!

- We're obviously going to get more hints about our pregnancy in the coming chapter, that I'm sure we'll ignore coz we don't want to jump into conclusions like the last time.

- Hana's bonding scene with Bertrand reminds me a little of a scene in Book 2, where she speaks of how Bertrand reminds her a little of her father...in, like, a good way.

- If it turns out that Godfrey and Barthelemy were indeed involved in Eleanor's death, it will be the ultimate irony. It would mean that the present occupants of the duchies that were once undermining the Crown...are now their stanchest allies. Lucretia and Olivia's parents vs Olivia, Godfrey vs Madeleine, and Bartie Sr vs Bertrand and Maxwell. It would be a nice contrast.

- Istg if they try and make HAKIM AND JOELLE suspicious too I will literally throw hands 😡

- Jesus, the amount of retconning going on in this book. That scene would have lost nothing by making Bertrand the guy who was desperate to prove himself to his father and Maxwell the one who had mixed feelings. Having both of them overhear that conversation rather than one would have been fine too. But this is one in a looooooong list of things that the team is shifting around, believing no one will notice. Maybe I should just call this series The Royal Retcon from now on because there is more of that happening than actual babymaking!!

- I'm pretty intrigued by Liam's lukewarm reaction to Bartie Sr personally. What does he know. Why doesn't Liam tell me and why doesn't the MC ask!!

- Bartie Sr spends surprisingly little time with his own namesake, but perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised since Junior's own parents are hardly seen with him either.

- Next chapter is the wedding (if we can find the groom, that is), Savannah getting her dream entry (possibly if we pay the diamonds) and hints that we may be pregnant that will culminate in the big reveal at the end. Yay?

- I know I haven't gotten out a QT for Book 1 in two weeks but those past two weeks have been filled with lots of IRL stuff. Hopefully I'll get back to that soon.

- Until next week, folks!

#long post #trh quick thoughts #the royal heir #trh qts #king liam #hana lee #drake walker #maxwell beaumont #bertrand beaumont #savannah walker

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deanie1987 · 5 years

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Mostly positive thoughts about Shameless 10x11 Location, Location, Location

This wasn’t my favorite episode of the season, but I really enjoyed it. As always, I wish we could have gotten a little bit more in the way of emotional scenes/real in depth dialogue, but clearly this is not the show for that anymore. But I’m going to be positive and there was a lot to like in this episode:

The general nonchalance and irritation with which both Ian and Mickey registered the fact that Terry was outside of the house screaming his head off. Then the fact that Mickey told him that he was irritating everyone LOL.

This episode was full of great line readings and one of my favorites was the way that Mickey said “I DEFINITELY love one.”

I thought Terry’s line “it does if it falls on a dick” was kind of funny. I’m not proud of myself.

I loved how Ian was trying to get Lip to talk about the move to Milwaukee and then trying to get Lip to talk to Tami about it as well. He mentioned it a couple of times and was trying to be supportive of the move. Either the self-help books he read in prison really helped or that boy has been in therapy and didn’t tell anyone about it.

Along those lines, I appreciated that Ian seemed a bit concerned about Lip and the move. He was clearly thinking about it and distractedly playing with his ring right after Lip left. It reminded me of when he was in prison and worried about Lip, Tami and the baby and the way he looked last week when Lip made his announcement. I don’t know if Cam does this on purpose, but it seems like he has different mannerisms or facial expressions for different characters. The way he smiles at Mickey or the softness of tone he uses for Mickey, for example, was different than the softness he used for Monica.

I loved seeing Mickey at home in the Gallagher kitchen and interacting with the various Gallaghers. It has been one of the things that I’ve wanted most this season and I’m trying hard (and pretty much failing) not to be bitter that it took until the second to the last episode of the season. The promo for next week and the thought of season 11 helps though.

Another great line reading with Ian’s “what is happening?” and literally every single facial expression that he had during all of the wedding vendor scenes. From the eye-rolls to the stunned expression to the warning glances to various shop clerks and finally trying to limp after Mickey on the way to the caterers and his increasingly exasperated YESes as Mickey barked out questions about the infamous chairs.

I liked Sandy in this episode. I liked her being on Mickey’s side and I like her offense at Ian’s seeming indifference and incompetence. She and Noel play off each other well. I loved the line readings of “I can see why you called me” and Mickey’s sincere “thank you.” My favorite thing, however, is the disdain that she and Ian seem to have for one another. When Mickey asked about Ian’s ring, the way that Ian kept glancing guiltily at Sandy as he answered made me laugh. He’s like, “not only do I have to deal with Mickey but now this judgmental bitch too.” LMAO!

As much as the groomzilla stuff was played for laughs, I loved that Mickey took all of it extremely seriously. He has opinions about stuff, he’s clearly done his research and he wants the best for his big day. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if he has thought about his wedding day with Ian before. He knows what song he wants, he can envision how it looks and I love that he is focusing on the “atmospheric” stuff like candles, music, flowers, etc., rather than the more practical stuff like food and drinks. Mickey is an artist after all.

I wasn’t sure how to feel about Mickey as Groomzilla when we first saw the preview but I totally get it now, and as per usual, Noel played every between the lines note perfectly. Mickey seemed unbothered by Terry after their altercation but his increasing stress level and emotion was palpable. After everything it took to get himself and Ian to this point, obstacles keep getting thrown in his way and by the time they’re sitting at the Alibi he is overwhelmed and anxious. Noel conveyed both the humor of the situation (I cracked up everytime Mickey threw down his pen in annoyance and every time that he shot Ian an exasperated look). But he also conveyed the anguish that Mickey must have felt as he tried to do something meaningful and joyous and NORMAL. People in love plan wedding everyday, why can’t Mickey? Why does everything have to suck?

And I appreciate the patience that Ian had with him and the way that it slowly dawned on him that Mickey really did care about all of the wedding stuff AND that he was more affected by his dad than he was willing to admit. And I liked that he was willing to indulge Mickey on his plans but also gently remind him of why they were there. Because they’re Mickey and Ian.

I will admit that I am not a Bon Jovi fan and I often run my car off the road trying to turn the radio station should Living on a Prayer or Dead or Alive come on. I also don’t reeealllly believe that of all of the hair band power ballads that Mickey could choose from he would pick a Bon Jovi song. BUT I will admit that the lyrics do fit and the scene itself was sweet. The singer was terrible but that somehow made it better. As cute as Ian’s gesture was, I was still a little underwhelmed. Maybe it’s just that seeing Ian so much more expressive toward Mickey is still new to me and I notice it more, but I sort of felt that Noel underplayed this scene just like the proposal. Or at least the version that made it air. I wanted to feel more from this scene than I did. Is it just me? I think it might just be me. And it makes me a little nervous for next week because I really want tears and heartfelt vows and not misdirected emotion and 100% shenanigans.

As for everyone else, Liam was better this week. I’m so glad that the show remembered that he is only a ten year old kid, who misses his siblings and his father. I don’t know if the actors who played Debbie and Carl were better at that age or if it was the writing or a combination of both, but I still don’t feel for Liam the way that I felt for them for whatever reason and I wish I did.

I didn’t mind that Lip, Ian and Mickey let him ride the L to find Frank on his own because Debbie was running a daycare at that age, Ian was 4 years away from having sex with his boss and god knows the kind of stuff that Lip and Fiona were dealing with at that age. They shield him and encourage him where they can but he’s one of Frank Gallagher’s kids and in their view, he should be able to ride the L by himself to the nice side of Chicago without holding anybody’s hand. The fact that Lip told him to check in once he got there is probably more than any of the other kids got at that age.

Lip getting cold feet makes perfect sense to me as did all of the reasons he gave Tami. Lip doesn’t ever want to leave the Southside of Chicago. That has been hammered into our brains since season 1. He says he does and I think a part of him WANTS to want to leave, but he doesn’t really. He has always liked being a big fish in a little pond and he has always liked succeeding without having to make an effort. That’s who he is and his story with Tami could really be interesting, because for the first time, he has a real reason to try to work things out with a woman who is “forcing” him to better himself. And he has a reason beyond himself to want to do it. It is an organic and interesting dynamic and I hope it goes into season 11. I also see Tami’s side as well. I like her and I like her with Lip and I think that the actress is good enough to go toe to toe with JAW. All of this makes me very happy.

Frank’s screen time continues to be ridiculous. How many times did we need to see Frank walking nervously down the hallway looking for a ghost. I didn’t even hate his scenes this episode but there were soooo many of them in a time when that time could be spent elsewhere.

I’m glad Carl is trying to do good, but I don’t care. Debbie looks good in that tux, but again, I don’t care. Kev’s line reading of “do you even lift, bro” was funny. Vee looked incredible doing her plank on the keg. But...you guessed it...I don’t care.

The promo for next week looks INCREDIBLE. I have a tiny bit of hope that outside of Lip, the majority of the storyline will be the Gallaghers trying to white trash the shit out of this wedding and I hope that everyone will be involved. There is a lot of plot to move on that score and there are some things that I really, really want to see happen in the next episode (which I will probably post about later), so I’m trying to keep my expectations low.

#Shameless 10x11

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Liam & Edie

Liam: [okay so wrong number text which isn't actually we know, which is just the location of some illegal rave moment that she'll wanna go to] Edie: treasure? ❌🗺 Liam: wooden leg would be useful to hide all the treasure we're bringing in Edie: Gutted I don't know anyone who's ever had an abscess go full necrotic ☠ Edie: and who wants to cart around a treasure chest Liam: don't wanna do your share of the heavy lifting, big surprise Edie: is it? Liam: outgrow this pussy behaviour before tonight as a favour to me Liam: I don't wanna cart that much dead weight about Edie: As I remember it, you owe me though Liam: your memory's in the 🚽 Liam: I owe nobody nothing Edie: yours is selective Edie: can't even get 11 digits down Liam: a barcode's got 12 & I told you it's your business if you wanna walk round inked like you've only lived that many years that's your lookout Liam: not holding your hand Edie: even more gutted, no doubt Edie: 💔 Liam: if you won't be talked out of it, put it on your balls where no-one'll see it Edie: Will you think I'm tough then? Liam: what kind of gay shit is this? Edie: 😂 Edie: go easy on your mate Edie: you got the wrong number Liam: fucked the 11 digits Liam: that's what you were trying to say Edie: mhmm Edie: that's what I said Edie: but a barcode tattoo is a shit idea Edie: agreed Liam: sick of being the voice of reason around here Edie: I find it's more entertaining to let people make the bad decisions, personally Liam: would be jokes until I look a sad twat by association Liam: wants it on his head Edie: 🙄 what's it gonna say, product of the system? Edie: pretty sure a serial killer has already done that Edie: or some shit rapper Liam: he is a shit rapper Liam: [link] Edie: oh Edie: I know him Liam: serious? Edie: by association Edie: I'm a less shit musician in general, not that that's any brag Liam: can I get a listen or you're just here to promo to set me off on a ❌🗺 as payback? Edie: depends Edie: who's heading the rave you linked? Liam: [deets] Edie: alright Edie: you're not 12 like your pal Edie: [links him her music] Edie: [definitely pictures and videos along with, as if you don't know who she is but pretending you don't lol] Liam: come tonight instead of him Edie: talking to strangers is one thing, boy Liam: you leave the bad decisions to everyone else Liam: don't sound as entertaining as it could be Edie: I meant for your safety Edie: could be anyone Liam: be full of nobodys and anyones when we get there Liam: I'm still gonna go Edie: what makes you stand out? Edie: as you ❌ the barcode Liam: when I track you down, I'll listen to your opinion about me Liam: I'm bragging before then Edie: 🤞 we can't hear much of anything over the bass Edie: not that you're intriguing enough to show up for Edie: but the invite is sound Liam: you'll still know what I think, never had an issue with body language over bass Edie: I think I can guess already Liam: 👌 guess Edie: don't take a mind reader Edie: body language and 💭 are one in the same Liam: it don't take a mind reader when you know you're beautiful and talented Edie: ha leave it out Liam: 🧯 Edie: less of that as well Edie: not a wet blanket Liam: 🧨 Edie: that I like Liam: buying 🎇🎆 if you have any requests Edie: [all the party drugs not in code 'cos we're not bothered] Liam: 👾 Edie: NOW I look forward to 👀 you Liam: guessed it Edie: what gave it away? Liam: the vids you linked me to Edie: that's your review? Edie: at least give me some ⭐s Liam: 3.5 Edie: 👌 Liam: I'll give you another 1/2 when the anti barcode tat song drops Edie: what about the other whole? Liam: get him on the track Edie: 😂 Edie: you're on Liam: 👌 Edie: thank god for the edit Liam: & that only you're allowed to freestyle it rule we just invented Edie: good thing I'm more talented than even you are demanding Liam: I'd agree but you've heard it once & you weren't a fan Edie: you can agree when you see it in person Edie: I don't do this online fake shit Liam: I'll have my turn at looking forward to 👀 you Liam: more than down to Edie: good luck Edie: I can't find any cars with spare seats, so it's gonna be a crowd clearly Liam: yours is in if you want his Edie: how will I get my freestyle if he can't catch a ride? 🤔 Liam: shit like that is what earns you the rest of the ⭐s Liam: talent's not just Liam: 🎤🎧 Edie: yeah, I'm well kind and considerate Edie: known for it Liam: good thing I am Liam: [pic of all the drugs he has picked up] Edie: 🤪 Liam: got a 🐷 mask to fit in post raid, can stick it on early if 🥴 isn't doing anything for you Edie: 💡⭐ Edie: if you can't hang with your gurn we can't hang, like Liam: [a gorgeous gurning pic from a previous rave moment] Edie: fit Liam: ha ha ha Edie: don't act like you don't know Liam: I do 👌 out of my mugshots Edie: convince him to get that tatted instead Liam: too gay Edie: alright I'll do it Liam: before or after you take his seat Edie: if you tell me your name I'll save you a spot to earn mine Liam: Liam Edie: alright, Liam, thanks for not having a long and hard to spell name Edie: give me 🖐 Liam: you can have 3.5 again Edie: [purposely leaving it a full five before coming back with his name stick n poked and then a shoddy box for the mugshot portrait to go in] Edie: tada Liam: 👏 Liam: I didn't think you would Edie: if I say I'll do something, I will Edie: why not Edie: loads of Liam's in this town Liam: don't act like it's a standard trick to pull Liam: he's been oohing & ahhing for months over identifying as frozen peas when his face gets scanned Edie: it's a win-win for me, no need to think on it Edie: either you end up being sound, then it's a memory attached, or I get a cool story about getting a tattoo of a mugshot to get a lift to a rave to tell my grandkids Liam: I wanted you to sit next to me 5 mins ago, I can be impressed, can't I? Edie: I accept impressed Edie: and 👏 of course Liam: what did it feel like? Edie: it's somewhere between a scratch and a burning sensation Edie: but deeper Liam: you'll have to do me Liam: I like the sales pitch Edie: what do you want? Liam: what can you do? Edie: on you, a lot better than I can myself Edie: anything you want, I'll make it happen Liam: thanks for accepting impressive Edie: I intend to be so I can Edie: not here to disappoint Liam: I only was willing to be when I thought I was talking to that little bitch boy Edie: no gay shit Liam: unless you like one of the girls in the car Edie: ha Edie: we'll 👀 obviously Edie: where you starting out, anyway, and when Liam: [a time and place, I like to imagine it's a longish drive to give them time to #bond UGH] Edie: [and usually is to go to a middle of nowhere moment so agreed[ Edie: I'll be there Liam: would make me laugh if you don't show now Liam: longest chat I've had for ages Edie: even if I missed you 🚗 I've hitched before Edie: and it's been ages since I've been to a decent party so Liam: my pic could've fooled you but that last one was shit Liam: got a better feeling this time Edie: I feel you Edie: 💊🥤 just makes it tolerable Edie: down to 👀 yeah? Liam: Yeah Edie: better go find my glitter and gemstones out ✌ Liam: I feel you, will take me a while to paint my 💪 UV Liam: not got as steady a hand as you Edie: damn, that was almost impressive Liam: I'll work on it Edie: your steady hand or your bragging about your 💪? Liam: which one's letting me down the most? Edie: 🤔 Edie: you don't need to tattoo me yourself Edie: you are good looking enough you could get away with being cockier, go with that Liam: 👌 but now you've made me wanna tattoo you myself Edie: maybe Edie: if you think of a good idea, we'll overlook the shaky lines Liam: I'll try & think of an idea where wavy lines are part of it Edie: smart Edie: I like it Liam: 🌊 or something Liam: but less shit Liam: 📻 ones maybe Edie: you have any? Edie: professional ones, like Edie: you asked what stick n poke felt like so obviously not Liam: spend my money as fast as I have it Liam: what are you gonna charge me? Edie: what else are you gonna do with it though Edie: see how nice or poor I'm feeling Liam: I won't let the 💊🥤 run out, you'll feel a lot better than nice Edie: deal 🤩 Liam: be me blinded by your glitter & gems Edie: not actually my first rave Edie: but I can raid my little sister's shit if that's part of the deal Liam: see you in a 👑 will I? Edie: that's just standard day to day tbh 🤷 Liam: how many raves have you done? Edie: I've tried not to be in at the weekend since I was like 12 myself so Edie: enough that I know there's nothing fun or attractive about freezing your tits off in a neon bikini in a field Edie: what about you, you're [the year he'd be in which is either 2nd to last or last, either way], right? Liam: hasty to go with unattractive Liam: but yep, you're not wrong Edie: 😏 Edie: I get it, you wanna match 💪 Liam: no gay shit, your own words Liam: I didn't go to my first one until I was like 15, still not impressing anyone here Edie: me either Edie: middle child syndrome or whatever Liam: trade you oldest and only son if you want it Edie: Attention is grand and all but too much parental attention isn't what I'm aiming for Liam: can't offer you it Liam: my parents attention is elsewhere Edie: yours still together? Liam: nah Edie: oh good Edie: wouldn't know what to do with a dad Liam: not lots you can do with mine Edie: might be stuck being ourselves for the foreseeable anyway Edie: not a convincing freaky friday/parent trap situation you and me Liam: shame I won't get to 🎸 & lay down a track with your talent Edie: just buzzin' off all the things I could lift obviously 💪 Liam: this where I get cocky like you said? Liam: go on about how much I can Edie: you could Edie: but I'm clearly impressed before you need to use that tactic Liam: it's too desperate Liam: we both know I can pick you up if you get stuck in the mud later on Edie: we both know it's every man for himself when the 🐷 show Liam: I got you a mask Liam: yours has lipstick and more eyelashes, so we know Edie: thank god Edie: fragile femininity anyone? Liam: prefer toxic masculinity Edie: same Liam: 👍 Edie: if the daddy issues weren't glaring the 👑 will make 'em blinding Liam: we can pretend that since you're with me no-one'll be looking at you if you want Edie: the freedom Liam: I'll give you 🛢🧨 to play with Liam: 🔥 will take the attention Edie: really? Liam: 🎇🎆 wasn't only a code Liam: I do have some Edie: 🤩 no joke Edie: I wanna blow shit up Liam: that's all I ever wanna do Edie: yeah Edie: feel that too Liam: if you can capture 🔥 in a tat that'd be something worth considering Liam: not in a gay way like 🎲💀♠ Edie: that's overplayed, and doesn't mean anything Edie: I'll do some designs, providing I make it home alive Liam: supposed to see my dad tomorrow for the first time in months, don't think I'll rush back Edie: 🛢🧨🎇🎆 why would you Liam: don't feel you have to either, unless you're catfishing me Edie: I'd pick someone else if I was Edie: and you accidentally texted me Liam: I'm into the someone I accidentally texted, full fucking offense to whoever you wanna pick Edie: then I'll stick around too Edie: nothing I'm rushing back for Liam: it's in writing I'm not kidnapping you Liam: have to do a mugshot monday instead or something Edie: feel free Edie: I can't see that I'd mind Liam: being kidnapped or sharing a cell? Edie: hmm Edie: both Edie: though the involvement of bars to keep me about is unnecessary really Liam: does hitchiking only work if you're a girl with killer eyes? asking for myself before we torch the car Edie: as you're toxically masculine, most people'd be afraid to stop for you alone but as we're together, you should be safe and not an axe murderer Edie: unless I'm pulling a Hindley Liam: when we go for that we'll think it through more Liam: 🐶 or 👶 on board Edie: I can borrow one Edie: 👶 more likely Edie: people don't like cats enough Liam: I'll get over a fence to grab us a dog Edie: in one step, like Liam: depending on the fence Edie: sure, don't wanna oversell it Liam: you don't want no online fake shit Edie: just telling you so you know Edie: not the same Liam: thanks for telling me Edie: yeah alright Edie: didn't lecture you did I Liam: nah you didn't Edie: there we go then Liam: [quotes some of her own lyrics at her that he likes because genuinely listening to these tracks] Liam: you could sell that harder Edie: I'll work it out in my freestyle Liam: 🛢🧨 Edie: 🔥 Liam: 🎇🎆 Edie: 🤩 Liam: let's see your glitter Edie: checking it's not a catfish? Liam: can't show you mine first, too cocky behaviour Edie: [a rave lewk when we've clearly done the most to do the least you know the vibe] Liam: [I like to think he's written her name in body paint wherever she put her stick n poke so have a pic of that gal] Edie: 👍 Edie: approved Liam: what do you want your i dotted with? Liam: about as artistic as you'll get me to be Edie: ⭐ Edie: has to be Liam: [an adorable little star has been added so have another pic] Edie: perfect Liam: thanks for having a name that's short and easy to spell yourself Edie: oh yeah, snap Liam: except I haven't met another one of yours Edie: maybe an 👵 Liam: prefer a silent snatch & grab Edie: 😂 Edie: alright, then I can be the one and only Liam: do you wanna guess what I think about it? Edie: I have Edie: be too cocky to say Liam: I'll do it then, you said I can get away with more of it Liam: I think it'd be good if you were Edie: let's see if you're right Liam: feels like I am but yeah we'll 👀 Edie: it is weird Edie: how you randomly found my number instead Edie: how many # were you out by? Liam: you'll have his if you didn't before Liam: last number Edie: crazy Edie: another good story Liam: should've been a 6 but I did a 9 Edie: 🤪 love that Liam: I'll lose my phone again if you're what I find Edie: I'll save your number then Edie: or add it to the tat Liam: since you love how it feels Edie: and I'm no less liable to lose my phone, so Edie: the pain is just a bonus Liam: I can add it as fuel to the 🔥 any time you'd like an excuse to cross my number out & go again Edie: I won't run out of ideas either way Liam: what about space? Edie: not anytime soon Edie: I'll have to go back to biro and keep it less permanent after that Liam: leave it on the bodies of our victims like the shittiest calling card for the 🐷 Liam: call me Edie: ooh Edie: we could get really zodiac with that though Edie: only murder people on days ending in 9 Liam: I like it Edie: I'll go solo if you piss me off and do it on 6 days Liam: I'll start staging them like they've starred in your vids to get your forgiveness Liam: attention to detail for attention from you Edie: we can communicate through corpses Edie: that's new, no one's done that before Liam: when I keep the 👀 as a 🏆 you'll know I wanna see you Edie: romantic, aren't you Liam: toxic like my masculinity Edie: good Liam: ☢️ better than a barcode but not by a lot Edie: I could do you a Chernobyl victim tat Edie: get the toxic and the 🔥 in a really untasteful onner Liam: 👌 you're beautiful, talented & smart Liam: don't give me any flaws to pick at then Edie: I did say untasteful instead of distasteful, if you wanna be pedantic and take away smart so you can save some toxic masculinity points Edie: one-ner, also, doesn't translate to typing Liam: when it took you pointing it out, I don't think I can take anything away from you Edie: you can try Edie: again, like kidnapping, might not mind Liam: I can't help thinking it'd be better to give you things Edie: 🎇🎆🛢🧨? Liam: all that Liam: ⭐🐶👶 Liam: & anything else I've not remembered Edie: we can keep the puppy right Liam: what else would we do with it? Edie: just letting you know I draw the line at puppy killing Edie: get that out of the way now Liam: me too Liam: never microwaved any 🐹 or thrown them at the wall Edie: imagine how big you look to 🐹 Liam: 🏙🦖 Edie: definitely made that 📹 as a kid Liam: I'll be in the remake next time you're stuck for a vid idea Liam: if you still have it, we'll kick it frame for frame Edie: you'd be perfect for my next project Liam: sign me up Edie: [tat pic again like I already did] Liam: what else have you got? Edie: [just a comprehensive pic rundown of your tats that are all just silly ones you've done on the whole hope you've not got them anywhere too scandalous but realistically gonna need to be able to hide them when school so it's probably mostly legs at and like, upper arm and ribs/hip vibes] Liam: 😍 Edie: I'll tell you all the stories later when we're smashed Liam: no awkward silences in the car Liam: great idea Edie: not if the other girls are hot Liam: there's one I think you'd like Liam: you'll have to tell me if I'm wrong Edie: I'll flash a 6 or a 9 and you'll know Liam: she can be our first victim either way Edie: 😈 Liam: 🚗🔥 Liam: 🔐 Edie: 😍 Edie: you win Liam: how do you feel about playing games? Liam: 6 or 9 Edie: 9 Liam: same Edie: I know Liam: yeah, you're smart, I gave you that Edie: how smart is it that I wanna play with you? Liam: I'd call it a good decision, which maybe isn't smart if you only like bad ones Edie: I just like doing what I want Edie: good or bad is mostly irrelevant Liam: so do what you want Edie: you to be here now Liam: direct me 🗺❌ Edie: [at least you've had the good sense to be in town not at yours] Liam: [lord imagine] Edie: [like sure Rio ain't about but still don't need to be inviting you in quite yet lol] Liam: [her room is still there and no thank you hun] Edie: [not today huns, we can either skip to post rave now or post this as is?]

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shadowphoenixrider · 5 years

Text

Characters I’d like to see in Shadowlands

In no particular order other than when the thoughts occurred to me.

1. Vol’jin

MY WARCHIEF BETTER BE AROUND IN THIS EXPANSION I SWEAR TO GOD

2. Varian Wrynn

I bet he’s in the Maw and he’s PISSED. Let him out and have him carve a bloody path to punch Sylvanas right in the face (before Tyrande gets her vengeance)

3. Garrosh Hellscream

This could be super interesting - has he doubled down on the nonsense or is he redeeming himself? Has he met his dad Grom here? I don’t know I trust Blizzard to treat him well if he does come back, but I’d definitely like to see him again, even if my character Draggka would want to punch him repeatedly in the face.

4. Neltharion/Deathwing

1, to answer my question of ‘where do the souls of dragons go’ and 2, is he Deathwing or Neltharion here? If he’s Neltharion, we got a goldmine of angst, if he’s Deathwing, he’s in the Maw and that’s pretty cool in itself.

5. Ysera

Considering her spirit was chilling in the Emerald Dream, we probably won’t see her here, but what if she’s in the Ardenweald...? That’d be pretty dope.

6. Malygos

Yes yes there’s a pattern here. Pretty much the same reasons as Deathwing. I find it unlikely he’ll be here, but eh.

7. Liam Greymane

A serving of angst for Genn, because he probably needs some more.

8. Aegywnn

‘Cos why the hell not? Also she might have an answer for the still-unanswered question of ‘how the hell do we get Sargeras’s sword out of Azeroth without killing her’? Also maybe we could have Khadgar being relevant again for 5 minutes, which is all that I want.

9. Rezan/Shadra

Included together as I have a feeling their souls have been blatted out of existence, I’d still like to see them in the Ardenweald. Especially Shadra.

10. Hir’eek

The bat loa deserved better. I think we might see him as someone mentioned the Loa go to Ardenweald, and we killed him the normal way. So..

11. Hakkar

He said he’d come back for us after Jin’do. And he’s a Loa and also dead(?) so he might be in the Ardenweald being a buttlord.

12. Kingslayer Orkus

THE GREATEST ORC I HAVE EVER KNOWN, if he’s in the Maw I will rip it asunder with my bare hands.

13. Broxigar

Brox Brox Brox Brox Brox Brox Brox Brox, fuck yeah!

14. Zuni

The troll in the Echo Isles starting zone that got zapped at the end. Considering what Vanira says, he might not be around, but it’d be nice to see him anyway.

15. Smoochums

if I find out this cat’s soul is trapped in the Maw, nothing, not the Jailer, not Sylvanas, not anything will stop me from saving that cat.

#wow shadowlands #spr rambles #wow #world of warcraft

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let-it-raines · 5 years

Text

Rising from the Ashes (15/?)

When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be. And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones. As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be.

Rating: Mature

A/N: I got in a pretty major sticky spot with some of the upcoming chapters (it’s messy, y’all), so I obviously spent my time trying to make a new banner 75% of the way into the story to confuse all of you. Logical, right? And it’s not even the one I was trying to make. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one! It’s not quite as angsty as some of the others, but big things do happen!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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“Dad, last time we were on an airplane Mom threw up in my pretzel bag.”

Neal looks over to her with a raised brow as they walk through the airport terminal, people quickly passing them with their suitcases rolling behind them, half of the wheels squeaking against the battered tile floor. “Did she? That’s kind of gross.”

“It was so gross,” Henry continues skipping a bit ahead of them, his backpack bouncing on his back so that all of his belongings jiggle around. “She said that it was all Ada’s fault.”

“Morning sickness,” she explains to Neal while Ada squirms in her bjorn. She wants to be able to crawl around and prop herself up on all of the chairs, but now is unfortunately not the time for that. Now is obviously just the time for Emma’s back to hurt because of how big this kid is getting. “The last time we went on a trip we went to London to visit Liam and Belle, and I was very early on in my pregnancy. So naturally the worst of the vomiting took place on a plane.”

“So I bet you love flying then?”

“Well, last time I couldn’t stop throwing up and this time I have a baby, which means that she’s obviously going to scream the entire time and everyone will hate us.”

“They won’t hate us, love,” Killian not-so-helpfully supplies. “People know that babies cry.” “Doesn’t make it any less obnoxious when the wailing won’t stop.”

She opens her mouth to say something back to Neal, but then Henry is stopping in front of them, his feet practically skidding across the tile. “Dad, look at that plane. It’s huge.”

“How many people do you think fit in there, kid?” Neal asks, taking a few steps forward so that he’s in line with Henry while she falls back a step to walk next to Killian as he tugs along their carry-on and the stroller. People might not hate them for the screaming baby, but they’ll hate them for taking up overhead space. They should have just checked the thing.

“You excited to go back to our old stomping grounds, Swan?”

She’s a bit wary about it if she’s honest with herself, but they’re going for spring break and to let Henry see where Neal is now officially going to be living. It’s a good thing, and she’s going to enjoy it. She’s determined to. If not for her, for Henry.

“A little. I mean, there’s a lot of memories there, but I figured we’d go full on tourist and take Henry to all of the monuments, do one of those fake photos where he’s shaking George Washington’s hand. Really live it up. Henry will love that. Is that history buff mind of yours all geared up to tell him the stories?”

“You insult me, Swan. You know that I come prepared. And if I forget something, I’m sure there’s a brochure or two to help me.”

“If you ever need another job, I bet you would make an excellent tour guide.”

“Ah, yes, the Brit who shows people around America’s capital.”

“The British-American war veteran who shows people around America’s capital,” she corrects, looking up at him and smiling while he keeps looking straight ahead, the defined line of his jaw in her vision. “And who looks damn good doing it. I’ll write you a trip advisor review and mention just how hot you are so that you get lots of customers.”

He scoffs at that, the slightest bit of laughter in the sound. “I would think that my brain would be the thing my little followers are interested in.”

“Oh it will be. It’s a very sexy thing that I am very much in love with. I just like looking at your face is all.”

Killian smiles down at her, his eyes crinkling with affection, and she wonders what her life would be like if he looked at her like that for the rest of her life. She’s got no idea how he expresses such emotion with only his face, but sometimes it takes her breath away.

“That’s a good thing because I like looking at my face too.”

“You are devilishly handsome after all.”

They all easily board the plane, even if it takes a few minutes to check the stroller at the gate instead of putting it in the overhead, and thankfully, Ada doesn’t have a meltdown during the flight. Killian spends most of the time reading to her while Emma holds her in her lap, and Ada is thoroughly entertained by the bright pictures and pop up sections. Emma can tell that she still wants to move around and crawl, but she is not about to let her kid move around on the floor of an airplane. That’s a recipe for getting sick, and that’s the last thing that she wants.

But they do eventually land at Raegan and load up into a cab to be taken to the hotel. They’ll probably take the metro for the rest of the week, but they can spend the money on a cab when they have all of these bags. It’s weird to be back in the city, even if they are in the actual metropolitan instead of just outside in Alexandria. It’s been…exactly four years since she last lived here, and she could probably still get around the city without even thinking about it.

Except there is no way for her to simply not think about it. This place is so full of world history, the good and the bad, and it’s the same for her personal history. She went to school here, which is something she is still so proud of when she thought that was something she would never do. She got to be someone on her own, someone new who was making something of herself. She fell in love here after meeting Neal at a bar when she was still too young to meet men at bars, but, really, they probably fell in love at the Little Red Fox café on the corner of Connecticut Avenue. The name of the place had been so ridiculous, but it’s where Neal took her on their first official date and charmed her by telling her all about his adventures overseas.

This city is where she had this great love story that she was so swept up in that she didn’t see the things about it that didn’t make it so great. But it was full of so much goodness, and she can’t forget about that. Sha can’t forget about the years that Neal made her happy. She can’t forget that he’s the one who has given her Henry.

She can’t forget.

She also can’t forget that this is the place where her world fell apart, where she was told that her husband was missing, where she was told that he was most likely dead, where she believed that he was dead. This is the place where she realized that she’d be raising their son by herself.

This is the place.

It’s also where she met Killian, where she let him support her, where she fell in love with him.

So being back here is jarring and a bit…she doesn’t know how she feels as their car drives through crowded streets, avoiding all of the downtown traffic and tourist areas as much as possible. The weirdest thing, though, is that Neal is here, in this city, and that he’s coming back.

She thought he was gone forever, and he’s not.

He’s here. He’s here. He’s here.

And yet he’s leaving she and Henry again. This time by choice. It’s another thing that she doesn’t completely understand, but she’s trying to be as supportive as she can. He’s been through so much, and he needs to be happy. She needs him to be happy.

“Is this where you’re gonna live?” Henry asks as they walk into their hotel, the high ceiling vaulted up as light filters through the windows.

“No, I’m going to live in an apartment,” Neal tells him, taking his hand and walking with Henry as they make their way to the front desk. “I might live in a hotel for a little while until I can move my things in, not that I really have things yet.”

“I’ll draw you a picture that can go on your wall.”

“Thanks, buddy.”

Neal checks them into their rooms for the week. They’ve got a bed for Henry in their room, as did Neal, so he’ll be switching between the rooms this week. She has a feeling that he’ll only stay one night with Neal before he freaks out being away from her, but who knows? He could surprise her. He tends to do that, especially as he’s growing up and becoming a bit braver in the things that he does.

She’s got a good kid. She’s proud of the way she’s raised him.

Once they get into the room, she simply puts all of Ada’s bags on the ground and gets out what she needs to change her diaper while Killian unpacks their clothes and puts them in the closet and the dresser. He’s quite possibly the only person she knows who does that at hotels, but she’s learned not to tease him about it. It gets him all huffy and rushed, so she lets him put their things away. Besides, he’s the one who packs them all up again, so it’s not like it causes any extra stress for her.

It's actually more convenient, not that she’d ever admit that.

-/-

“Killian,” she moans when his tongue runs over her most sensitive spot, her hips arching into the air as much as she can with the extra weight that’s weighing her down. “Oh shit, oh shit. That, keep doing that.”

He growls against her core, the vibrations running over every inch of her body, but like instructed, he doesn’t change a thing. He keeps flicking his tongue against her flesh, kissing her with his lips and his tongue and his teeth. God, he’s so good at this. It’s unfair. Like, he should not be this good, but she’s really not going to complain when she gets to be the recipient. And slowly but surely her release starts to unfurl, moving from her center and outward as she melts into the bed and the blankets that her hands are holding onto for dear life.

This is good. Wonderful. Fantastic.

She’d really like for him to do that again and again and again.

But she’s really hungry.

Before she can raise her head from her pillow, Killian’s moving up her body, kissing her inner thigh, the skin still sensitive, and moving up her stomach and to her breasts, lightly kissing the rounded curves before he’s gently dragging his teeth up her neck. Finally he lands on her lips, lazily kissing her mouth all the while his hands keep moving at her breasts and down her stomach.

She might actually become one with this hotel bed if this keeps going on like this.

There would be no complaints coming from her, even if her back hurts a little bit.

So that’s a little complaint.

“You are the most glorious woman I have ever known,” he murmurs against her lips before dragging his teeth over her jaw. “Everything from the way you moan my name when you come undone to the way that your right pinky toe is a little oddly shaped.”

“Your kid might have that pinky toe.”

“And it’ll be my favorite of all of her toes,” he sighs before rolling off of her and onto his back.

“Do I – do we – ”

“No,” he answers before she can even finish the question, the mattress moving underneath her as Killian sits up and nudges her head over onto his stomach. “Your stomach has been growling like mad, and you apparently need to eat again. I can have my turn later, or not at all, but you need to eat.”

“A man who puts food over sex. Are you the perfect man? Have I finally found you?”

She sees the blush rise on his cheeks before he’s reaching down and playfully pinching her nose before his hands starts running over her stomach, tracing the curve that’s been driving her crazy lately. She’s happy, but damn, pregnancy is a bitch.

The miracle of life or whatever.

“I’m possibly the furthest thing away from perfect,” Killian whispers, and she looks up in time to see the tick of his jaw as his gaze moves from her stomach to the ceiling. “You know that.”

“Hey,” she sighs, placing her hands over his and holding him to where Ada is kicking. The tiny little flutters have turned into full on sucker punches, but they’re gentle enough right now. When it’s three in the morning, that will be another story. “Killian Jones, I love you. You are my best friend on this planet, and I choose to see the best in you every day just like you do to me.”

“I know but I – Emma, you know me. You know my past. I used to drink too much, to sleep with too many women, to aide in killing others with my job. I – I’m not the perfect man.”

She’s aware of the face that she’s still naked, that her body is still completely exposed to him when he’s still mostly clothed, but her vulnerability doesn’t seem anything like the one that she’s suddenly found Killian in.

“I was kidding, babe. I – ” She slowly moves to sit up, shuffling around the bed until she can face him, tugging a blanket up around her shoulders as her sweat dries and the air conditioning begins to chill her. Killian’s still looking away, his jaw still ticking, and her worry keeps building until he tangles their fingers together. “I know you’re not perfect. Neither of us are. What’s running through that head of yours?”

“It’s idiotic, Swan. Drop it.”

“I’m not going to drop it when you’re obviously hurting.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he barks, and she practically flinches, releasing his hand and scooting away from him while tears well in her eyes, one quickly escaping and rolling down her cheek.

“Killian – ”

“I’m going to take a shower.” He quickly gets up from the bed and moves to the bathroom, closing the door behind him as the water immediately turns on, the pipes rumbling to life all the while she’s still confused as to what the hell just happened.

What the hell did just happen?

She doesn’t…Killian literally just spent minutes with his head buried between her thighs after they went out to dinner and for a walk around the city, and then they were…talking. They were talking, weren’t they? They were talking about food because her stomach is somehow still growling, and then he…then he got pissed and stormed into the bathroom.

Now she’s sitting naked in the bed with her thighs still tingling a bit and tears rolling down her face because she’s seven months pregnant and has no idea what’s happening. None, and she can’t seem to figure it out even as she gets up off of the bed and goes to the dresser to grab a pair of pajama shorts and one of Killian’s t-shirts since most of hers don’t fit her right now. Well, they do, but they’re not oversized anymore.

They’re only in this hotel for a night so that they can have this mini babymoon, something she finds a little ridiculous, but when David and Mary Margaret offered to take Henry so she and Killian could have some time to themselves, she accepted it without question. Why Killian put away their clothes when they’re only here for a night, she doesn’t really know. She thought maybe he only did that when they were staying in a hotel for a long time.

She thought she was going to want more time, but since she and Killian are apparently now in an argument, she doesn’t know if she even wants tonight. It’s not like there’s anywhere either of them can go besides the bedroom or the bathroom.

Ada kicks in her stomach at the same time that it growls, and she presses her hand down on the spot where she seems to be determined to burst through skin. It’s so uncomfortable, but considering she gets nervous when she’s not kicking, she’ll take it.

“Are you hungry, bug?” she wonders aloud, wandering over to the menu that room service offers and flipping it open. “Mommy is hungry and kind of feeling like eating everything down in this kitchen. Would you be okay with that? Would you give me heartburn if I did that?”

She keeps talking to her stomach as she continues to flip through the menu, eventually ordering a cheeseburger and some onion rings plus a salad and some fruit for Killian since she knows the he probably doesn’t want food but she feels bad not getting anything for him. She’ll share if he does want something. It’s too expensive for her to order him something he might not eat.

Maybe she should have gotten him an omelet or something.

No, no. it’s fine. This is what he would want. It’s exactly what he would do, and she closes the book and refuses to think that she’s somehow messed up again, not that she’s entirely sure that she messed up the first time.

She’s not really sure of anything right now.

Scratch that.

She’s sure that she has to pee.

Of course she has to pee. She’s pregnant. She always has to pee, but of all the times, couldn’t her bladder have waited when her the only available bathroom is the one her boyfriend is currently sulking in?

Maybe she could go down to the lobby.

The thought alone has her bladder practically scream at her, and before she can think too much about it, she’s opening the bathroom door, thankful that Killian didn’t lock it, and wandering inside so that she can pee.

“Swan, what are you – ”

“Going to the bathroom,” she huffs, sitting down all the while she can see Killian showering through the glass pane. Usually it’d be an attractive site, but she’s miserable and mad and doesn’t care what he looks like with water dripping down the muscles of his torso.

Killian doesn’t say anything else, and she ignores the feel of his eyes on her until she’s up and washing her hands. She’s got mascara running down her cheeks, and she takes the time to wipe it off and make herself look like less of a deranged raccoon while the shower water shuts off and Killian steps out, a towel resting low on his hips as he dries his hair off.

Dammit. He’s really hot.

“Swan, you’re going to rub that skin dry if you keep doing that.”

“My eyeliner won’t come off.”

“You’ve got to – ”

“I know how to remove makeup,” she bites back, all of her anger and confusion that she’s been stewing in for the past few minutes coming to life over her eyeliner.

“Darling – ”

“No,” she cries, dropping her cloth and turning to look up at him, trying to straighten her back as much as she can to make herself taller, “you don’t get to storm off all upset and leave me confused and then try to comfort me and be sweet to me. That’s not how this works.”

“How does it work? You get to be in charge and you get to yell at me for needing time?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It’s what you said.”

“Why are you upset?” She slaps her hands against her thighs before bringing them up to wipe at her cheeks as more tears fall. “We were talking about food, and then you…then you left. Why?”

Killian looks up at the ceiling, his jaw visibly clenching, and she watches as a drop of water from his hair trails down his cheek and falls to his balled-up fist. “You called me perfect.”

“I don’t…I don’t understand.”

“You called me perfect,” he repeats, looking down to her with glassy blue eyes, sadness practically brimming to the surface. “You called me – ” He reaches up and runs his hand over his jaw, his fingers tapping against his chin, and she has to focus on her breathing to calm herself down before she sobs again. “I know that it was in jest, love, that it was a throwaway statement, but I’ve been struggling a bit lately with some of my issues, especially with the baby.”

“Do you not want her?”

The words escape her before she can stop them, her old insecurities and issues coming out as well, but Killian doesn’t let her spiral before he’s pulling her into his embrace as much as he can, the warmth of his chest and arms enveloping her as her chest heaves and she has to stop herself from heaving her dinner.

“I want her more than anything,” he promises, the words spoken directly in her ear so that the vibrations of his voice ghost down her spine. “I want you more than anything, Henry too. I don’t want you to ever doubt that, and if I do, I’m not doing my job.”

“What’s wrong then?”

“I’m scared, Emma,” he whispers, his hand rubbing up and down her back while hers stay still on his, the fear practically paralyzing her. “I had a shit excuse of a father and then again with my step-father, so I have no examples as to how a man should treat his children or his wife…his partner. I know you and Henry love me, that you both think the world of me, but I’m not perfect. I make mistakes all of the time, and I’m terrified that I’m going to do that with our child so that I let both you and her down.”

“Killian,” she sighs, the damn tears stinging in her eyes again while she pulls back and reaches up to cup his face, holding his gaze to hers, “you’re not going to. Of course you’re going to mess up. We both are. We’ve done it with Henry, and look how good he is. You’re not perfect, but I promise I’d never ask you to be. I love you just as you are, and if you keep on loving me and our kids in the same way that you already do, everything will be fine.”

There’s a knock on the door, and Killian’s brow raises before she lets him go and backs up.

“Room service,” she explains, quickly exiting the bathroom to open the door and get their tray of food, setting it down on the little desk that’s in the room.

Killian steps out of the bathroom as well and makes his way to the dresser so that he can slip on some pajama pants, the plaid now covering his legs, before he walks toward the tray and lifts the lid on it.

“I’m guessing the salad isn’t for you.”

“It’s yours if you want it. I knew you wouldn’t want a big meal because we did just eat dinner, but I didn’t want to not get you anything. And I’ll share.”

“Aye,” he laughs, reaching down and picking up an onion ring before taking a large bit, “you will. Thank you, love.”

“Do you want to,” she starts, looking up at him with her lips pressed together while Ada kicks her stomach, “sit on the bed and eat to talk some more? I know this is not how we imagined our night, but I think we have some stuff to talk about.”

“I’d like that.”

-/-

They don’t stay in the hotel for long, really only staying for enough time to unpack, before they’re all walking back outside and finding a metro stop so that they can make their way to dinner. She doesn’t miss riding the metro, especially now that she thinks of all of the germs that Henry can pick up from holding onto the polls and that Ada can pick up from simply existing, but this is the best way to get around when they don’t want to walk enough to work up a sweat. Henry may very well think it’s the coolest thing in the world, though, so she has an even stronger feeling they’ll be riding it all week.

“How’s it feel to be back?” Neal asks her as they walk the rest of the way to the Bulletin, nearly echoing Killian’s words from earlier.

“Weird,” she answers honestly, reaching forward to grab Henry’s hand so he doesn’t wander off into the street. “I think it’ll get weirder the more places we go. Is that what it was like when you first started coming back?”

“To be fair, every place has been weird for me to come back to.” Neal flashes her his boyish smile, even with the gray in his beard, before she laughs and pats his forearm. “But yeah, it definitely was, but the first thing I did was go to that dessert place, Captain Cookie – ”

“ – and the Milkman,” she finishes for him, practically groaning as she tugs Henry back and looks behind her to make sure they haven’t lost Killian as he carries Ada. “That place was the best. We’ll have to take you there, kid.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s got cookies and superheroes,” Neal tells him. “You’d love it. There’s a lot of good places to eat we’ll have to take you after we go to the museums.”

“Daddy said there’s a museum where I can be a spy.”

“That’s a good one. We can go there. There’s also the Smithsonian, which has a lot of things you can see like space shuttles and superhero costumes from the movies. I bet there’s even some ships that you can see that are like the ones Killian and I used to work on.”

“Can we go on a real ship?”

“We can maybe go on one that’s in the museum,” Neal explains, pointing to the restaurant just ahead of them, “but we can talk about it after we eat, okay?”

-/-

The first three days of their vacation seem to breeze by as they hit as many sights for Henry as they possibly can. Between the three of them they’re able to tell him a lot of the history behind monuments, even if they have to make it as kid friendly as possible for some things. They eat enough junk food to last her for months, and if it wasn’t for all of this walking, she’s sure that she would have gained at least ten pounds. But it’s a vacation, she has to remind herself, even if she doesn’t feel relaxed. Everything she eats isn’t going to be one of Killian’s homecooked meals where things are a little healthier than normal. It’s not going to kill her to indulge in a giant ice cream sandwich that she couldn’t possibly finish eating before it melts.

Besides, it’s not like she’s the most healthy eater anyways. There’s simply usually more of a balance.

But it’s a vacation.

Plus, even Killian got himself a milkshake, and he somehow managed to get a little of it on his beard. He’s not a messy eater, at all, so she enjoyed that even if he got a little flustered by it.

The dork.

On Wednesday Neal gets them access to a tour of part of the Truman building so Henry can kind of see where he’s going to be working with the State Department. It’s interesting for her, but she can tell that Henry is bored out of his mind, so they quickly leave and make their way to the zoo. Of all the places for Henry to want to go while they’re here, she was not expecting the zoo, if only because they’ve been to enough zoos in his lifetime. But it’s what he wants, and he has a good time as they wander the paths to go to the different exhibits.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Mostly pandas, though. Okay, so just two pandas that Henry spends a lot of time looking at, and she just knows that they’re going to leave this place with an expensive stuffed animal from one of the gift shops. It’s fine. This is a vacation, and she wants Henry to be happy. Besides, this zoo is all about wildlife restoration and preservation, so hopefully he’ll learn a few things too. She thinks that’s what Killian is trying to teach him as he reads the little information guides next to all of the exhibits.

Ada starts crying in her stroller, and before it can get too loud, Emma squats down and unstraps her, picking her up and holding her to her chest as they sway back and forth. She needs to eat soon. They all do, which means they need to leave the panda exhibit at some point today.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” she soothes, rubbing her hand down Ada’s back. “You’re okay. We’re going to go inside soon and you can eat and take a nap. It’ll all be okay.”

“Do we need to go, love?” Killian asks her, walking away from the window and toward her.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Henry,” Neal starts, “let’s go get something to eat. We can look at the pandas again later.”

Henry grumbles a bit, but he listens, joining them as they look for somewhere that’s not too crowded to eat. Plus somewhere that has some shade. It’s not terribly hot here, but she’s worried about Henry getting too much sun even with all of the lotion that she’s applied.

“Neal,” someone calls, and they all stop walking to turn to see a man slowly jogging their way before he stops in front of Neal. “Neal Gold? Mate, it’s so nice to see you! What’s it been? Three years?”

“Um, I think you have the wrong guy, man,” Neal explains, flashing him a smile while Ada starts babbling to her.

“No, it’s Kyle Thomasson. We used to watch football matches at the Three Kings in London. You were in there nearly every Thursday night.”

“My last name is Cassidy,” Neal explains as he holds his hands up. “You’ve probably seen my face on TV and got a little confused. It happens to me all of the time. It’s nice to meet you, though.”

“Are you sure because I – ”

“Dada,” Ada gurgles, and she nearly drops her child, all of her focus now on the fact that she just said her first word.

“Killian,” Emma gasps, looking over to him as his gaze stays on Neal and his conversation, jaw clenching. “Killian,” she repeats, grabbing his arm until he looks at her.

“What, love?”

“Ada just said her first word.”

“Truly?” he chuckles, one hand falling on her back while the other lands on Ada’s arm. His eyes are so blue and happy, and he doesn’t even know that she said his name first.

“Ada, will you say it again? Will you say Dada again, bug?”

Ada doesn’t seem to care that they’re waiting for a repeat performance because she goes back to holding her hand to her mouth and biting down on her fingers while she tries to coax it out of her. She needs for the kid to say it again so Killian can hear, but she knows that it likely won’t happen. That’s how it was for Henry too.

“She really said my name?” Killian asks, his voice almost in a state of bewilderment as his fingers run up Ada’s arm.

“She said Dada, clear as day.” She presses up on her toes to kiss the corner of Killian’s lips. “She’ll say it again, I’m sure. And if not, you’ll annoy her enough with it until she does.”

“I will not.”

“You most definitely will.”

“Mom,” Henry groans, and her eyes dart to him as he’s practically laid out on a fence, “I thought we were going to eat.”

“We are, we are. Your sister just said her first word.”

“Was it that she’s hungry?”

“Talk about some sass, kid,” she laughs, handing Ada to Killian so that hopefully he can hear her speak before she moves up to walk next to Henry, letting him push the empty stroller as the man Neal was talking to walks away, obviously finally accepting that he was talking to the wrong person.

Most of their afternoon is spent at the zoo so that Henry can go through all of the exhibits again, and when they leave, he has a stuffed panda toy and at least three books about all of the different animals he saw today. Ada has a little stuffed giraffe too, but that’s mostly because Killian is an absolute sucker and had to get her something too. She suspects that it’s because their daughter’s first word was Killian’s name and not hers. That’s something she’s going to be hearing for awhile, but that’s okay. Henry said her name first, and even if she was his only parent for a long time, that still means the world to her.

And he eventually got around to having a dad…and then another one. He’s a lucky kid.

Even though her feet are starting to get tired from spending the day walking around, they hop on the metro and make their way to the Potomac Park so that they can show Henry a few more memorials. The cherry blossoms are in bloom, too, so she’s kind of excited to see those as she pushes Ada’s stroller in front of her while the kid naps.

She’s living the life being able to go on a sightseeing vacation but never having to walk. Maybe in the morning they’ll spend a little extra time in the hotel so that Ada can crawl around and stand propped up against the chairs to get her energy out. Maybe they’ll spend some extra time in the hotel so that they can sleep in a little bit and rest. She tries to work out pretty regularly, but man can vacation take a lot out of her when she feels like she hasn’t sat down in days. Henry’s dragging too, so maybe tomorrow will be a relaxed day.

“You see that spot up there?” Neal points out to Henry, guiding his gaze up to a small benched area next to the river, some of the early cherry blossoms having bloomed over the pathway.

“It’s just a seat.”

“You’d think that, but that’s the spot where I asked your mom to marry me.”

Her step falters for a moment, her feet nearly tripping over her sneakers, and if she didn’t have Ada’s stroller to hold her up, she might fall to the ground. And if the burning in Killian’s eyes is any indication, he’s noticed. Of course this is the spot. She knew that. How could she forget? That was one of the happiest moments of her life. But she didn’t think that they were coming here when Neal told Henry that he knew one of the best views in the city.

Her tiredness has obviously made her forget. It’s been a big, exhausting day. She probably still smells like the elephants.

“Really? Right there?”

“Right there. I got down on one knee and asked your mom to marry me, and she said yes before she hugged me.”

“You’re not married anymore, though,” Henry points out, his voice staying at such an equal volume. He doesn’t understand the complexity of what he’s talking about, doesn’t understand the emotions. She doesn’t even understand the emotions herself. “You could always ask her again.”

Neal and Killian both let out a loud cough, the words obviously shocking them both. They’ve shocked her too, but mostly, she’s relieved that she doesn’t have to be the one to answer the hard question for once. She’s been answering them for eight, almost nine, years, and she’s going to let Neal answer this one, especially when he kind of led himself into it.

She doesn’t think she can speak with the way Killian’s eyes are still burning into her skull either. He’s been doing that a lot this afternoon, but she’s mostly thought it was because he got to experience Ada’s first word (kind of) when he usually misses so much because of work. His look now is obviously to see if she’s okay.

She’s not entirely sure if she is.

“Henry,” Neal sighs, squatting down in the middle of the path despite the fact that they’ll block foot traffic, “I love your mom a lot, but she and I aren’t going to get married again, okay? She’s with Killian, with your daddy, and one day they might get married just like one day I might marry someone else. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not going to be our awesome kid and that we’re going to stop doing fun things like this.”

“Are you going to get married to someone who you meet here? In your new home?”

Neal shrugs, looking back at her and flashing her an amused grin. He’s doing a really good job at handling this. He probably shouldn’t have pointed out his proposal spot to Henry, but that was an easy mistake. He likely wanted Henry to know some of his history, some of their history. He should know that his parents were in love once, and this is a nice way for Neal to handle talking about it. He’s doing so well being a father and helping Henry understand that he’s not going to be around as much as he is now, and she’s so dang proud of him and proud of how he’s adjusting back to normal life. She’s proud of how he’s changed since they were together.

“I don’t know. I haven’t met her yet, but if I do, I promise that you can meet her too.”

“Do you think she’ll want to go eat pizza with us?”

“I know she will.”

“Awesome.”

Neal stands from the ground and wraps his arm around Henry’s shoulder, guiding them back into the crowd and along the pathway while Killian does the same to her, nudging her along so that she starts pushing the stroller again.

“Are you okay, darling?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she promises, sniffling the slightest bit. She’s mostly okay, but she also just watched Neal get to be a dad to their kid in a spot that is important to her, to them. That’s something she dreamed about for a long time, both when she felt alone when she was pregnant and when she actually was alone after Neal…died - disappeared. She’s always wanted Henry to have this relationship with his dad, and now he has it. It makes her heart ache but in a good way. “I knew coming back here would bring back a lot of memories, but I wasn’t expecting any of that conversation to happen.”

“Me either,” he whispers, his voice cracking the slightest bit.

It’s not something she’s proud of, especially with how much she trusts Killian, but she’s been worried about him. He’s been acting odd recently. He’s more reserved, his emotions bottled up, but whenever she’s about to say something about it, he lets her in, let’s her see what he’s thinking. They’ve been working so damn hard to fix them, to make them better. Their love has never been easy, even when it was, and she wants to fight for it. She knows Killian does too, but that doesn’t mean that she can’t worry. He’s bottled up things before about being a dad, about messing things up, and even when she feels like she knows everything about him, he surprises her.

That’s likely a good thing that they always have things to learn about each other.

And this conversation has started to drudge up the feelings she’s been hiding below the surface as well, her own little bottled up thoughts. Marriage has never been a “must have” for them. How they are has been good, and especially with how her first marriage went, she was hesitant at first. But she hasn’t been hesitant about it in years now. She’s known that it’s what she wants, has talked to Killian about it. She knows that he wants it too, that the ring is still resting in his uniform pocket. It hasn’t moved since she found in three months ago.

Has he changed his mind again? Does he not want to be with her anymore? Legally, at least. Is she too much? Are her relationships too much? Is she not enough?

Her demons are the ones telling her these things, the ones attacking her mind, and as open as she and Killian are trying to be with each other, she doesn’t want to blurt out “why the hell won’t you marry me?”

She’d definitely sound crazy, and a part of her doesn’t want to ruin his plans again like she must have done the first time. It’s Killian. He has to have a plan. He always does. He’s the most thoughtful man in the world, and he would think something like this through.

But why hasn’t he asked?

Why is she freaking out? Why is she thinking there’s some kind of wall between them when it’s just him and her, no walls, no secrets?

Why is she doing this now when they’ve had a really good day? When their daughter has had a monumental day and their son is having a great trip?

“I love you, you know,” Killian adds, pressing his lips into her temple as they walk under the cherry blossoms, the reflection of the Jefferson monument shining in the water.

“I do. I love you.”

“And I’m sorry for all of the negative thoughts that your mind is currently running through.” She almost protests, but he soldiers on. “Ah, don’t try to deny it, Swan. I know you. You’re doing a million and one ‘what if’ scenarios right now because of what just happened. Don’t do that.”

“I’m scared that we’re going to mess Henry up more than we already have.”

Killian doesn’t say anything for a long time, the two of them walking side by side in something between companionable silence and awkward silence, but then he speaks, his voice audibly broken even though she can tell that he’s trying to hide it.

“I won’t let that happen. The rest of my life is going to be spent protecting the three of you and giving you the best life possible. No matter what.”

#rising from the ashes #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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