#they were nice and chill and they kept us updated so the circle of people outside didn’t have to wildly speculate about what was happening

[verysmallgirl]

i’m pretty bad at meeting and keeping in touch with my neighbors, but i formally met everyone tonight because one of the condos in my building was on fire and everyone gathered outside to gossip and watch the firefighters (and to make sure all involved parties were safe). everyone is okay and there’s only minor property damage to my “neighbors” unit but man is it wild to stand in a group with a bunch of people you pass by but never talk to, and now you’re talking, at night in below freezing weather in your mismatched pajamas

[icollectyoursins]

Jotaro Relationship Head Canons SFW

Because I’m a self indulgent little shit and just love to ignore all of the work I have to do, have some Jotaro head canons. I am but a humble simp, and love this man. So much.

Update as of writing this. Somehow, it got very angsty, so... yeah. Sad man vibes. Also rambly. I just kinda kept going.

Wanna know what I’m willing to write? Rules here!

Have a character, but no idea? Prompt list here!

Looking for more? Master post here!

WARNINGS: None, just angst, but nothing too serious.

Word Count: 2,985

Jotaro’s type is... I mean, it depends, like most people. I don’t think he’s super picky over appearances or things like that, it’s more whether or not he gets along with you and how long he can put up with you.  He’s polite (well, as polite as he can be) and courteous, but probably a little more apathetic when you’ve first met. Once you’ve been around for a while he’s more relaxed and almost a little more critical. Mostly because you’re his friend now and he expects more from his friends.

While I was writing this I sort of realized that he could be aromantic. Maybe it’s just my own aro tendencies coming through, but I thought it sort of lined up with his personality. Or at least from my experience with romantic attraction.

Eventually, though, he’ll admit he cares about you a little more than he cares about others. It comes through in little almost compliments. “You did good. Keep it up” or “good job, dealing with this” are common phrases that sound nice on the surface, but it almost feels like he’s trying to pressure you to do more, which is far from the truth.  

If it’s not awkward compliments like that, it’s awkward gifts. Always something you had briefly mentioned wanting or stared at a minute longer than you usually do, wrapped in a paper that’s your favourite colour or pattern. Sometimes, though, it’s something you’ve never mentioned that he somehow guessed would be something you wanted.

At the same time, though, he’s oblivious or at least acts like he is. There may be times when he goes home after you said something exceptionally sweet to him or that just means so much and he’ll just take a moment sitting at his desk to mull over what you said.

    With a grunt, Jotaro rolled back into the armchair with a cup of tea in one hand and today’s newspaper in the other, since he didn’t get to read it this morning. It’s late with the sun almost completely set, giving his room an orange hue. He tries reading the first column, something about a cat being saved from a sewer grate, but after about a minute, he catches himself drifting away, sort of staring blankly at the paper.

    He blinks hard, taking a long sip from his coffee. He must be tired. Another attempt is made at reading, this time the comics. They’re not his favourite thing, but short enough that he can focus on them. Or so he thought.

    He zones out again, face suddenly feeling very hot.

    He was thinking about you. Or, rather what you said.

    It was something so simple, so mundane.

    You had been talking about family together, exchanging drama, if you will, and he had brought up how his father had left his mother when he was very young. It didn’t bother him, he had said, after all, it was years ago and if he was being honest, he didn’t really need a father. Then, you gave him this look. It wasn’t pity or something like that. You put your hand on his knee, staring deep into his eyes.

    “Jotaro,” you said, voice soft and sweet. You struggled to say the next words, opening your mouth, sighing, then finally: “I’m not leaving you.”

    “Why would you be leaving?” He said, confused, taking it literally. Or, he pretended to be confused. It had made his heart warm with affection.

    What Jotaro hadn’t noticed at that moment was that his eyes seemed to gloss over with wet tears while talking about his father. He wasn’t over it, you understood that. How could he be? He was so young then, he probably didn’t understand what was happening or why and now that he’s a father himself, there had to be so much guilt about being the same way. It was only now that he was realizing how much you had an effect on him.

    It didn’t make him sad, by any means but... loved. He’ll say thank you tomorrow with a gift or some flowers. He hadn’t planned on meeting you for the rest of the week because he was busy, but work could wait, right? Yeah. Tomorrow.

God, it would take so long for him to get you to move in together. He’s so used to living on his own that I think he’s a little self-conscious about it. He’s not a slob by any means, but certainly a bachelor. I mean, he lived (assumedly) on his own from probably around or earlier than DiU right up until Stone Free, so it’s been a while and he’s certainly comfortable with his mess of clothes lying on the floor in the corner, but you won’t be. He cleans up before people come over, obviously, but how many times did he actually invite someone in?

When you start staying around more, he starts cleaning more, which makes him a little frustrated both coming to terms with liking someone enough that he’s actively cleaning for them once a week and also discovering that he’s a lot more gross than he thought. You would not believe how stained the counter was from coffee or how gross the filter was on the coffee maker. He takes his coffee very seriously. You begin to notice how clean everything is, well, how consistently clean everything is and it even starts to smell nicer, more floral and fresh. He bought a lavender air freshener. “It’s supposed to be calming,” he’ll say with a hint of annoyance. It’s not a bad smell to him, better than vanilla air fresheners, but it does give him a headache when he first sprays his place. You seem to like it though, so he’s willing to put up with it.

I honestly believe this man can cook, but nervous when cooking for other people. His food when he was a bachelor was good enough for him and I’m sure Holly would have shown him a lot too, but it’s not the best food. He definitely steps up his game when you’re over and even more so when you move in. He’s better with dishes that have pasta or noodles because it’s easy, but he’s not too bad behind the grill either.

When you guys finally live together, he tries to keep the cooking even, with you cooking some days and him doing the rest, but I honestly feel like unless you are a hazard in the kitchen, you would do most of it.

Jotaro would be like that with most things around the house partly because he doesn’t want you to do all the work if you don’t want to but he enjoys having a little more time to himself to either do work or... yeah, it’s just work. There are a few things that he’ll never make you do because it’s either too hard or he’s built up a routine of doing that thing a certain way and he’s convinced no one else will do it right. Like his laundry. He won’t let anyone else clean his clothes. He tried once and nothing dried right, he swears that his jacket is still damp to this day. You can fold his stuff or hang it up, but he’s running the washing machine and dryer. Also picky about how his office is cleaned.

If you asked and gave a legitimate reason for not doing a certain chore, he’ll do it, but be prepared with an excuse as to why you can’t wash the dishes or fold the laundry. He’s especially resistant if he’s working whether that be gathering information for the Speedwagon Foundation or editing his latest Marine Biology book.

Actually, can we just talk about how much this man hates folding laundry? It’s so pointless to him. Why fold it and put it into neat little piles when you’re just gonna rummage through the drawer and mess everything up? Sure, it looks nice, I guess, but not for long. He was for sure a floordrobe kind of guy, especially in his early years. He knows which ones are clean, it’s fine, just leave it. Of course, he would get better the longer you’re at his place, but still. It’s not that he’s lazy, he’s just busy and putting clothes away takes way too fucking long. (which, honestly, agreed.)

Date nights with Jotaro are... rare. I mean, you live with him, why would he want to go out and pay for something when he could do the same thing at home? They’re nice, of course, but it’s more common for him to take you out to dinner while you guys are on vacation or in a location other than home, because he doesn’t feel like cooking and it’s more special when you’re supposed to go out. Eventually, it clicks in that you are supposed to make each other feel special and will surprise you with an expensive dinner or a short cruise. If you suggest the aquarium he’ll think you’re just saying that because he’s into aquatic wildlife, but honestly doesn’t put up much of a fight and will answer any questions you or anyone else has about the fish.

He does enjoy a good relaxing movie (or documentary) night at home, though. It’s so nice to finally be finished work, settle into your super comfy couch and just chill until he gets tired. Even better when you’re lying on top of him with your head just under his chin. There’s something so soothing about smelling your perfume, shampoo, conditioner, cologne, etc. To just smell you so close to him and feel your weight. Aaah. So nice.

    The microwave beeps faintly from the kitchen signalling that popcorn was done. You trailed out soon after, tossing the bowl to mix around the butter. You smile sweetly at him, leaning down to plant a gentle kiss on Jotaro’s lips before settling into his lap, nestling your head just under his while stretching out your legs. His arm instinctively moves from the back of the couch to drape over your back, rubbing circles into it with his thumb.

    He sighs; relaxed, finally. He allows himself to kiss your forehead, closing his eyes for a moment, just basking in your comfort. When he opens his eyes, he pulls you closer to him, feeling your heart beat almost in time with his. It was moments like these that eased his panic of losing you. You were here in his arms, safe and sound and vice versa. He was safe in yours.

Yeah, he’s a little angsty. But, can you blame him? He’s getting better, though. With help, of course. With you being around so often (and being very adamant that you’re not going anywhere) he’s able to let go a little. He’s not perfect, by a long shot and progress is slow, but it’s the little things like these that makes you proud of how far he’s come.

PDA is common, but a little restricted. When you’re out together, Jotaro’ll always have his hand on your back or shoulder. Hand-holding isn’t really a thing for him, but he will make sure you know he’s there. He’ll kiss you in public, but it’s not nearly as intimate or special as when you’re at home. Still, it’s a sweet reminder that he loves you, seeing as words of affection aren’t really his thing.

I mean, he can express himself just fine, but he still gets a little nervous saying things like ‘I love you.’ It’s more along the lines of ‘I care about you.’ Or, well. “of course, I care about you. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Which... thanks. I think.

Kissing him is so nice, so you’re not too mad about him doing that instead of words. When Jotaro kisses you it’s full of a mix of emotions. Mostly caring, but on his rough days, there’s something else there. It could be worry or whatever the emotional equivalent of never letting you go is. You can always tell that he wants it to last a little bit longer. There’s something in the sad look in his eyes when he or you has to pull away. Sometimes he’s overly gentle like he’ll break you somehow, especially if you’re not a stand user or fighting-inclined (whether physical or otherwise). It’s not patronizing, or at least he tries not to be patronizing, he just prefers you safe.

    It started out simple enough. You and Jotaro were just sitting at the table, eating dinner when he got this... sinking sort of feeling. There was something in the silence between you that just sent his mind spiralling. Thoughts of you someday dying too soon for whatever reason or leaving him because he’s not there enough, stand users, car crashes, divorce. They all started to flood into his mind, fabricating that you would somehow be taken away from him.

    “Jotaro? Are you okay?” Your voice rings through; a bright light breaking the storm. He’s been staring at his plate for a while now, his eyes are dry and itchy. He looks at you and tries to say something, but the words don’t come. Is he okay?

    You stand up and walk over to him, cupping his face gently. You rub the dark circles under his eyes while kissing his forehead. Jotaro slowly wraps his arms around you, letting his face fall into your hands. You’re pulled into his lap after a few minutes, running your fingers through his hair next. Finally, he sighs, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

    “Thank you,” he mumbles and though you’re not quite sure why, you still say a quiet you’re welcome, silently soothing him through whatever happened.

If you couldn’t tell, he needs a lot of reassurance. Not so much words, but actions like the snippet above. I mean, he can be as strong as he wants but we all know he’s got some baggage and while he’s able to put it aside, for the most part, I think when you’re at home he’s just a little more vulnerable.

Now, onto happier things! If you like coffee or tea, he will always make you a cup in the morning. Jotaro is a very early riser except on the weekends, so he usually gets that done while reading or watching the news and when you come down, he’ll ask if you want breakfast then make it for you seeing as he’s more awake.

He loves coffee. So much. He might have a caffeine addiction, honestly. At all times of every day, you can see him with a black coffee in hand and a book or phone in the other. He will switch to decaf at some point, but you might have to switch it for him. He’s forgetful when he gets busy.

Sleeping in on the weekends is like heaven for him. The two nights (or more on holidays) that he gets a full nights rest, breakfast in bed and a warm soul to cuddle into. He’s usually big spoon with a hand just resting on your side, but please, for the love of god make him the little spoon once a week. Will never admit it or vocalize wanting it. He just grabs your hand and drapes it over him with a “good night” and then promptly passes out.

He’s a heavy sleeper but doesn’t sleep often. Once he’s out, there is nothing that could wake him up except the fire alarm or something like that. It just takes a while. Not because of trauma, but more just internal clock is delayed.

Not a bath guy, strictly showers ‘cause they’re quicker. Most of the time he’s in and out before you can invite him into yours. When you do he’s “reluctant” but showers with you are a favourite of his. He gets his hair washed for him (if he bends down), he can wash you. It’s great.

I don’t think he would want more kids. He’s getting older, busier and just doesn’t think he has the time to care for a baby, even with help. Plus, if they were anything like Joylne or god forbid him when he was younger, he might start greying sooner than he thought. Joylne is a great kid, but... she’s definitely got some of his defiance in him. One kid is fine.

He doesn’t really like pets either, hates when there’s fur on all the furniture. But, if you came home with a stray cat or two, he’s not gonna put up a fight if you say they’re not going to the pound. “Just as long as you take care of them yourself.”

You got him a betta fish once because Jotaro. Fish. Makes sense. He thought it was a little pointless at first. You can’t pet them or play fetch (not like he does those things anyway). All a fish does is sit there and look pretty. You were a little disappointed, but whatever, you’ll take care of it. Then he comes home one day with a 30-gallon tank, freshwater plants and fancy lighting to help them grow which he quietly sets up in the living room. He spent at least a half-hour deciding on where to put it.

A week later, after he’s pleased with how it looks and the tank has been cycled he puts in an order for more fish then lets your betta acclimate to the tank. “There, he’ll be happier in here. The idea of bettas not enjoying or panicking in larger tanks is a myth. He won’t be alone for long anyway. He also won’t kill everything in the tank.” Well, he hopes he won’t, each fish is different. Thankfully, the small school of tetras get along with your betta just fine. From then on, he’s in there once a week, cleaning everything, trimming the overgrowth. It is officially his tank.

[chilling-seavey]

Seasons Change (d.s.) - ONE

↳  A/N This one already holds a special place in my heart and it has barely even begun! Might be a bit slower on updates because I want to make sure it’s perfect for us all. Thank you to @stuffofseaveyy for your unwavering help with plotting this storyline out, @randomlimelightxxx for your excitement and help, and of course, @jonahlovescoffee​ for being my hype girl and the best mayor’s wife anyone could ask for ;)

↳ Summary: Everyone knows everything about everyone in this small rural town in east Connecticut and the handsome single father who owns the farm down the main street seems to always be the talk of the town. Balancing the care of his acreage, raising his school-age son, and coaching the local boys’ hockey team keeps Daniel busy; but his mind never strays far from the expansive and vibrant flower gardens planted outside his farmhouse.

↳ Word Count: 2520

↳ Warnings: This story touches on topics such as loss of loved ones and grief. Nothing too detailed but read at your own discretion x

If you weren’t looking, you would miss it. An hour-and-a-half drive east of Hartford, Connecticut rested a small town that barely occupied more than an intersection of space in time. On your way east towards state lines, a rectangular green sign half covered by an oak tree would welcome you to Lincoln – Population: 200. You’d leave the town before you even realized you were in it if you weren’t paying attention but maybe that’s how the locals liked it.

People moved to Lincoln to get away from the bustle of the city…it was full of those people who had ‘let’s ditch this town’ mindsets and set down roots in a section of the world where they wouldn’t be bothered. It was the type of town that lived in the lyrics of a country song: picture perfect homegrown peace where everyone knew everyone and everyone had a place. It was easy to know everyone in a town like Lincoln. Driving in from the city you would pass a white paneled church, a few small single storey houses with lengthy driveways, the red trimmed general store, a brick sided restaurant, a run down and rusted mechanic’s shop, and catch a glimpse of the small community center just past the park before being enveloped by the nothingness that middle-of-nowhere Connecticut was known for.

Not much happened in Lincoln – at least nothing that was worth noting. Sometimes a car would break down and a city dweller in a designer suit would find his way to the general store to ask for assistance or, more often, a coyote would be rumoured to be roaming at night but that was the extent of the excitement. The most exciting thing to do outside of day to day work was play hockey and it seemed to be the town’s pride and joy of a pastime. There was no such thing as ‘hockey season’ as hockey season was year round in the small town of Lincoln, Connecticut. The community center housed an ice rink that could be melted down to a basketball court but everyone stayed for the hockey. The Lincoln Lighting Junior and Senior leagues were usually the talk of the town. The school-aged boys (ages 7-13) played for the juniors and the later teens and most of the fathers played for the senior league. The captain of the senior league was the coach of the juniors and he owned one of the few farms a few paces north of the main intersection.

A father of one and the best hockey player Lincoln had ever seen, Daniel Seavey was more than one could expect from a small town man.

He wasn’t your everyday potato farmer with uneven tan lines or a body that housed more beer than muscle and, in fact, he was the talk and the eye candy of the town. At only twenty-nine, Daniel was the best of the best in Lincoln: best hockey player, best coach, best farmer, best guitarist, best father; and he had the sandy brown hair and sky blue eyes of a heartbreaker to top it all. At six feet tall, Daniel was slim and handsome, and yet had the muscles capable of running a farm and shooting slapshots like you wouldn’t believe. Daniel was quiet and polite and he innocently humoured the wives of the town as they flirted with him in front of their unimpressed husbands.

But no one could be mad at Daniel. Not when he was the first and only widow Lincoln had ever seen.

Marigold Seavey was twenty-six when she died in her bed at their farmhouse in the early hours of the morning. Her passing was the first major event to ever shake the town of Lincoln. Everyone knew everyone in this town and, that being said, everyone knew what a sunshiny soul Marigold was. Daniel, especially, seemed to have his light burnt out once she was buried behind the church at the corner of town. Some of the folks in town will tell you that the saddest sight they had ever seen was Daniel standing at the foot of his wife’s grave after the funeral with his six-year-old son holding his hand and the two of them crying silent tears into the fresh fall soil.

Despite Daniel’s quiet persona, he was strong and he knew he had to be for the sake of his young son. He couldn’t wallow in his grief for long since he had a son to raise and a farm to tend to and the generosity of the townsfolk certainly helped him to stay on his feet after his wife passed.

It had been a year-and-a-half since Marigold died. Daniel had just turned twenty-nine as March moulded into April and the winter chill was starting to fade into spring and the second birthday without her wasn’t any easier. The birthday cake baked by his neighbour wasn’t as delicious as Marigold’s classic lemon cake she would make him every year but he politely thanked the woman and dared not complain. Daniel would never complain over the niceties of the townsfolk.

That’s what came with living in such a small town; everyone had everyone’s back.

It was the first Sunday of April and the first truly nice spring day of the year. With a crisp breeze in the air, it was only just warm enough to discard the winter jackets and most of the town was gathered in the large backyard of the mayor’s house for the usual after-church brunch. On the colder Sundays, brunch was held in the main restaurant but everyone preferred to gather in the fresh air and over the crisp green grass of the mayor’s house as soon as the weather permitted.

The mayor’s house was the largest and had the most land outside of the farms that were just north of the main intersection in town. Jonah – known by the locals as such since he didn’t like the formality that came with the title of ‘Mayor Frantzich’ – and his wife Jocelyn kept a pretty house on the edge of the little town. They could be what you call the ideal small town family with two kids, a dog, and white picket fence – enough backyard space for it to be the perfect spot for weekly brunch.

The town children had space to play and stretch their legs after sitting for an hour in church and the yard was filled with the shouts from their games. The adults lingered around the yard in various little circles, nursing freshly squeezed orange juice in spring-themed clear plastic cups and talking amongst themselves.

Daniel did a lot of listening during Sunday brunches, standing amidst one of the groups of parents as they talked about school, clubs, and work. Marigold was always the chatty one of the two of them…without her, Daniel felt out of place.

“What about you, Daniel? Think the frost will be gone to break ground this week?”

Jack spoke first, a shorter man with unruly brown hair and enough tattoos to surprise anyone with the fact that he raised an apple orchard. He owned the farm beside Daniel’s and was one of his closest friends in the town.

Daniel thought for a moment and scuffed the toe of his dress shoe against the grass. The cold ground was still pretty solid and the chill in the air still had them all wearing blazers over their Sunday button-ups.

“Only if this cold front lets up.” Daniel answered. “I’m hoping to plough by next week at the latest.”

“Everything’s been going well with the farm and your boy?” Jonah asked, his hand tucked around his wife’s waist and he raised his opposite hand to his mouth to sip his juice.

Daniel shifted on his feet and gave a shrug, his eyes drifting past the group of parents to easily pick out his shaggy haired brunette son across the yard with the rest of the kids. At almost eight-years-old, Lennox was the light of Daniel’s life; his little hockey star, helping hand, and the one whom his late wife’s smile and spirit lived on in. It had been a hard year-and-a-half for the two Seavey boys but Daniel was relived that he could hear his son laugh again, his audible glee reaching to the far edges of the mayor’s property and to his father’s ears.  

“It’s been…fine.” Daniel sighed, his eyes lingering on his son as he answered Jonah’s question, “Lennox has been doing well…his grades are better this year which I’m relieved about. I just…I already sold the sheep and half the chickens and the second cow last spring to try and tame some of the workload but it’s still a lot.”

“Running a farm on your own isn’t easy.” Jack said, “I know how much work it takes for two owners let alone one.”

“We’re here to help with whatever you need.” Corbyn assured him. “I can give you deals on whatever you need from the shop as often as I can.”

Corbyn owned the general store in the center of town and was the bachelor of Lincoln. It wasn’t like there were any women to date in such a small place full of cookie cutter rural families but Corbyn was very happy as he was: running the store and being the eyes and ears of the town.

Daniel shut down his generous offer politely as he looked back to his friends, “No, no. I don’t want that…thank you though. I’m just worried the garden will suffer. With so much to do with ploughing and planting and coaching…I don’t know how much time I’ll have for the flowers.” Daniel let his gaze drift back to his son playing across the grass, “Lennox is too young to tend to them himself but he loves the gardens so much so I don’t want yet another thing to disappoint him.”

“Have you thought of hiring someone?” Jonah asked.

“Like a gardener?” Daniel hummed, “I dunno.”

Corbyn sipped his drink, “Is it in the budget?”

“I think so.” Daniel shrugged, swirling his orange juice in his hand. “Never thought about it. Mari always took care of the flowers so…”

“I have a family friend who’s pretty good with gardens…I’m sure she’d be more than happy to help out.” Jocelyn offered.

Daniel chuckled under his breath, “That’s…a nice offer but I’m not looking to put anyone out of their way. They’re just flowers after all.”

But everyone knew that they weren’t just flowers to Daniel. They were Marigold’s flowers.

Jack tisked at Daniel’s hesitation, “Well if it’s in your budget to hire a gardener and you know the gardens are important to Lennox and yourself, then why not give it a try? You don’t have anything to lose.”

Jonah only added onto the argument, “She’s been wanting to come visit Lincoln for a while now. Why don’t we invite her to town and she can stay with us and you can give her a look over…if you think you want to hire her then you can.”

Daniel thought about it for a moment, taking a sip of his juice as his eyes found his son again. It was habit. Lennox was already running for him at top speed across the grass and Daniel set his cup down on the table just in time to welcome his seven-year-old’s energetic jump at him. He scooped him up with one arm and a tired grunt as he hiked him up onto his waist and Lennox held onto him around his neck, giggling as the other kids ran over after him.

“Daddy’s safe. You can’t get me.” Lennox told them matter-of-factly.

Daniel smiled proudly and linked his hands under his son’s bum to hold him up securely. At almost eight, Lennox was a bit heavy to hold but after nine years of farm work and working out for hockey, it wasn’t much of an issue for Daniel to hold him. He’d never complain regardless.

The other kids found their parents, gladly taking sips of juice or pieces of cut up fruit after a tiring chase around the yard. Jonah and Jocelyn’s seven-year-old twins found their way between them and helped themselves to the few snacks on the table. They were the closest to Lennox’s age – although a few months younger – and the boy of the set of fraternal twins was on the junior hockey team with him.

With the parents busy for a moment with their children – Jack was helping to fasten his daughter’s curly hair back in her headband – Daniel pondered the previous offer. His son rested his head against his with his small arms slung around his neck and Daniel could feel each of his gentle breaths rising and falling his chest. Everything Daniel did was for Lennox. He bit his lip.

“No rush.” Jocelyn said to him, reassuring their offer as if she could see his hesitation, “Just let us know.”

“Thank you.” Daniel said honestly.

“The Herron’s are coming over.” Corbyn whispered to the group and right away they shifted awkwardly as the family approached. Daniel let out an anticipatory sigh.

If you ever thought of jealousy, you would think of Zach Herron; father of two boys who weren’t very good at hockey and husband to a wife whose eyes liked to linger on Daniel’s biceps a little too much. Zach envied a lot of Daniel…maybe even envied him that his wife was dead. He would never admit that out loud though.

“Seavey.” Zach greeted as his family approached the group with his petite platinum blonde wife on his arm. He glanced around to the others, “And friends.”

There was a dull chorus of replies.

Zach continued, “I’m still willing to buy your horses off you. You know I have a generous price to offer.” 

Daniel chuckled lightly, “Yes, I know. But the horses are not for sale and they never will be.”

“Daniel would sell his house before he sells those horses.” Jack said. The group laughed lightly at the truth behind that. 

Lennox wiggled from Daniel’s arms and he set him down to join up with the two Herron boys who had just come over. The children gathered together at the other side of the table and chatted excitedly. Daniel picked up his orange juice.

“Daniel,” Zach’s wife set a hand on his bicep, her face filled with nothing but dramatic concern, “how are you holding up?”

“I’m doing fine, Katie, thank you.” Daniel replied politely.

She sighed, “It would just be a terrible shame to see your beautiful gardens go to waste; I overheard you talking about it from over there. Please let me know if I can help in any way.”

Zach’s annoyed scoff had Jack smirking into his orange juice. Corbyn and Jonah exchanged amused glances between themselves. Daniel offered Zach’s wife a small polite smile.

“That’s very nice of you to offer, but Jonah and Jocelyn already offered a family friend who’s in the business.” Daniel looked over at the couple again, with slight thankfulness in his eyes, “And I think I will gladly take them up on that recommendation.”

Seasons Change Taglist: @stuffofseaveyy @randomlimelightxxx @jonahlovescoffee @hiya-its-amber @hopinglimelight @midnightpsychic @sbrewer21 @bessonsbxtch @viamiasoncrack @the-girl-who-cried-wolf

Please click the link in my bio to be added to the taglist!

[peachywise]

nullify

an umbrella academy fanfiction // klaus hargreeves x reader 

- part 6: the beginning of understandings || part i ⋆ part ii ⋆ part iii ⋆ part iv ⋆ part v ⋆ more to be released 

- synopsis: It was finally time to meet the bringer of the apocalypse– a petite girl wrapped up in a blanket drinking tea. Totally chill. Nothing unusual about the situation at all. At least Klaus was consistent with his irritating commentary.

- note: my bad sorry i haven’t updated in so long!! but i’m back! and since season 2 is now out, please just note that this story is my own continuation of the story after season 1. also, i am no longer doing a tag list. honestly i just can’t be bothered, and i’m sure most of the blogs have changed since the last one for this series. i post on ao3, so you can subscribe to the story there!! 

link on ao3 

_______________________________________

Okay. So you were going to face the person who allegedly caused the apocalypse. No big deal. This was just a normal day, and she was just a girl. Albeit one who had undergone pretty severe trauma in her life, but hey. Nothing you couldn’t handle with a pleasant smile and a cup of tea, right?

Maybe the tea was a bad idea. But you felt like you needed a peace offering. Something to break the ice before asking someone who was relatively a complete stranger, “I think I can contain your powers, so why don’t we try? Also, why don’t you move into my apartment for the time being? I promise the occasional cockroach that comes out the drain won’t do any harm. It would be nice if he paid rent, but I can’t complain.”

Yeah. Just a normal day.

An abrupt tap on your shoulder and Klaus’s breath tickling the side of your neck forced your eyes away from your previous stare down with the white bedroom door, and any and all courage you’d built up to walk in quickly dissipated.

“Hey, you think if this whole—” his voice caught on a sharp intake of breath as he tried to find his words, his hands rolling, “trying to convince my sister to not start the second apocalypse by moving in with you thing doesn’t work out, I can still crash there? You can’t begin to imagine just how stifling it is here. I don’t even think Five has changed out of his little uniform in a week, let alone had a shower. You smell so much better. Like vanilla with a bit of stale coffee and deep-seated cynicism.”

Turning your face fully towards his, your noses almost touching by how close he had leaned in, you kept your expression passive. And then you tipped your hand to let half of the scalding tea fall over the lip of the cup and on his bare feet.

As Klaus jumped back, hopping between his feet and hollering a string of “ow, ow, ow,” you took a small step back and replied with a drab and mocking, “that has to hurt.”

Klaus gave a curt laugh that was almost lost, given his teeth were clenched in pain. “You know, I don’t know if I like your violent style of foreplay.”

“You’re making it very clear why Vanya destroyed the world in the first place, Klaus,” you responded, voice raised. “You haven’t even experienced just how sadistic I can be. I can turn around right now and just let her cause the second apocalypse again.”

“How original of you, threatening to leave. What is it, the tenth time already? Maybe if we’re all lucky, you can get a couple more in before dinner!”

“You know what’s original? Your desperate need for attention because you never got any from daddy as a kid. I’ve never seen that before-“

The door opened in front of you, and someone’s soft cough had you and Klaus both turning in their direction.

Allison Hargreeves.

“Are you guys done?” She questioned, a tight impatient look crossed on her features. At a loss for words, partly embarrassed now that you’d raised your voice, you tried to find anywhere to look but her eyes. Your gaze ultimately got caught on her neck, and the healed, puffy scar raised on her skin. Right. They’d mentioned Vanya had injured Allison. Pretty horribly at that. You remembered what you were nervous about in the first place.

“Allison, this is Y/N, though they will reply to trouble or travel-sized Satan just as well,” Klaus offered, slipping past his sister, who stood fully in the frame of the doorway.

Reaching behind to scratch your neck, you forced a timid smile on your face and gave a small wave with your free hand. “Hey. Nice, uh… place you got here.” Totally casual. “Very clean.” Not awkward at all.

Allison snorted. “Uh-huh. Nice to meet you. Let’s see if this was all worth it, shall we?”

Straight to the point. You could respect that. Nodding, you kept the nervous smile on your face as you walked past her after she sidestepped away from the door. You didn’t really know what you were expecting. Part of you thought the room was going to be some weird pit of despair. Dark and broody, like it was supposed to set the scene for some comic book character about to delve into their villain origin story.

But nope. It was just a standard bedroom, very well lit, white linen, clean carpet. The only thing that really stood out was the sunny yellow blanket wrapped tightly around a petite frame huddled on the single bed, a sky blue polka dot teacup clutched in both of her hands.

Well, now you didn’t feel so bad that you’d poured out basically all the tea you were going to give Vanya on Klaus.

“I’m guessing you’re Vanya?”

No shit, she was Vanya. You literally knew what she looked like.

You shuffled your feet awkwardly as the girl’s eyes flickered up to you. You still had the teacup in your hand.

“I brought you this, but I… spilled a little,” you commented off-handily, moving over to set it on a small side table.

Klaus made a notably shocked look. “Is that what you call a little?”

Vanya nodded her head once, her tone quietly gruff as she added, “we could hear you through the door.”

Allison offered a very helpful, “I’m sure the whole apartment floor heard them.”

Klaus, unable to contain himself from continuing this rally of comments, added, “well, it’s not the only time my screams have woken up someone next door. Certainly won’t be the last, God hoping the world doesn’t explode again.”

All three of you groaned. Good to know you weren’t the only one exhausted.

“It’s nice to meet you, Vanya. Did they explain to you why I’m here?” You asked, moving closer to the girl in question.

Vanya’s eyes glanced quickly over to Allison, who nodded her head in encouragement. She then turned to look at you once more and gave a slight jerk of her head in affirmation. Despite what had happened between Vanya and Allison, you could see the trust between the sisters. You might have gotten the story of what happened three months prior, but obviously they had worked out some stuff. At least a little bit. “Yeah. Yeah, Five uhm, gave me the gist of it,” Vanya replied, her voice still quiet with an edge of hesitance.

“It really works,” Klaus stated, looking at you with a joyful look. “Not seeing Ben’s ugly mug for once…” he pressed his hands to his heart and contentedly sighed, “it was the biggest blessing one could have given me.” His serene mood quickly dissipated as he looked to an empty corner and bit out a tight, “zip it, ghoul boy.”

“I don’t know,” Vanya carried on, as Klaus and presumably Ben continued to have an argument in the back. “Our powers are different. I don’t know if I want to take the risk of using it again in case it doesn’t work.”

You sighed, and Allison brought her hand up to nervously to chew on a nail. Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, you tried your best to settle the situation. Yeah, the money you would get for this would be nice, but you could tell this all went beyond that. It was important. You knew they wouldn’t have just let you into their inner circle if it wasn’t.

“I get it. What happened was awful, but you aren’t in that place anymore, right? Panic makes you do stupid shit. You aren’t you when you’re in such a crisis. That doesn’t mean you don’t take accountability for those actions, but the you sitting here isn’t actively trying to blow up the moon and cause the end of the world.” Peering over to Klaus, who stood grumpily off to the side, you asked, “it was the moon, right?”

His attention quickly fixed on you as he replied back, “oh yeah,” making a sudden explosion movement with his hands and horrible sound effects to go with it.

Allison’s blunt, “Klaus,” was enough to quickly shut him up.

“But I could panic again,” Vanya pleaded, her hazel eyes cutting in their pain. As stable and as comfortable as she appeared now, you could recognize that constant fear that must have lived in her. You knew too much about regret. You could see that in her eyes.

“And that’s where I come in. I can stop that. But we have to try first to see if it can work.” Reaching out a hesitant hand, you placed it on her knee still covered with the blanket and offered, “this power is inside you whether you like it or not. I don’t have perfect control over mine. I wish there were things I had done differently.” People you could have saved. People who you accidentally hurt. “You tried suppressing it, but that only made it explosive once it was actually let out. We can try to make it so you can live with it. Even if you don’t use it, at least you can control it.”

Vanya bit her lip and drooped her head, her hair falling in curtains around her face. You were curious about what her thoughts were. The furrow between her brows tensed and untensed in a way you knew her answer to the proposition was continually changing.

“Vanya, I’ve gone the self-destructive route to try and drown the voices out,” Klaus chirped up in the silence, his compassionate tone odd to your ears. From the corner, he strolled past you and rested a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “But I’ve never experienced quiet so fully until they put their field around me.” Soft eyes met yours as he added, “I never thought it was possible. It’s all I ever wanted.”

Holding his look for a moment, you weren’t quite sure what to say. You’d never really been… praised for your gift. Whenever you tried to use it to help someone else, you’d get called a freak or something worse. Any other time, it accidentally (well, purposefully sometimes) harmed someone. You could tell Klaus was sincere. Listening to the voices of the dead so much must be harrowing. You never really gave much thought about spirits and their presence, but for all you know, there could be multiple in the room with him at any moment. Always in pain. Always sharing that with him.

All you could manage to offer in response was a gentle smile before you tipped your head back to look at Vanya. “You don’t know me. I can’t ask you to trust me to do this. But why don’t you stay with me for a bit anyway? Klaus will be there, and you can come and go as you want, the others too. I’ll show you a couple of things I can do with the force field, and when you’re ready to test it out, we will. This is in your hands, Vanya. You’re in control.”

That’s all people like us could ever want. Control. Certainty—

Understanding.

“I already called sharing the bed with Trouble, just so you know,” Klaus said.

Although, it seemed your understanding clearly had its limits.

“If you did that, I would have to burn my bed so I didn’t get fleas. How about I get you a nice doggy bed instead?”

That got a grin out of Vanya, and when Allison added, “I think a flea repellent collar would be a wise investment as well,” her smile grew a little more comfortable.

“very funny, really, ” Klaus muttered.

“Okay. I’ll come with you,” Vanya finally conceded, reaching over to set her cup on the nightstand. “I’m— I don’t think I’m ready to try it out yet, but I guess if I do lose control again, having you there will be a good safety net?”

“We’ll all be your safety net this time.” Allison’s tone was earnest, remorse and care wrapped up on one. “I promise.” She sat on the bed and Vanya gently rested her head on her shoulder.

Whatever had gone on with this family, whatever tragedy had occurred in the past or with the current ordeal, seemed to be mending. You were kind of in awe staring at the scene. You had never known this kind of support since your father, and even then, you were so young that your memories of those feelings of comfort had faded. You lived alone. Didn’t really have any lasting friendships. You had the old couple across the hall who you played cards with at least once a week— though you were pretty sure they cheated every single time— but that wasn’t even close to what the Hargreeves had.

Family.

Standing back up, you heaved in a heavy breath. “I’ll leave you to pack,” you offered with your best shot at a cheery smile despite the sudden growing muck (jealousy, sadness, regret) festering through your veins. “Would you mind if I use the bathroom?”

Allison started to talk, offering you directions before Klaus interjected, “I’ll show you where it is.”

You were going to argue that you were perfectly capable of managing directions in the single apartment, but he placed his hand on your back and was quickly ushering you out of the door and down the rest of the hall.

“You really okay with doing this?” His questioned jarred you, eyes widening as you stepped away from his touch.

“Klaus, are you kidding?” You shot back, your exhaustion entrapping your exasperation in one low, breathy air. “I didn’t see you caring about that when I had originally said no multiple times.”

“You didn’t have that,” he stalled, struggling to come up with words as he haphazardly waved his hands in front of your face, “that look before. You looked sad when Vanya said she would come.”

Ah. You thought you’d shielded your face away from what you had felt. Strange that he would pick up on it. “It’s fine, Klaus. I want to help.”

Klaus didn’t look so sure, but he was also resigned enough to accept that answer. It was the truth anyway. It was a brief second of allowing yourself to feel bad. We all had those. A desire for something else someone has, for love, for care. But maybe this situation would help. Helping someone else, someone relatively similar to you, given the fucked up freak birth that messed up all their lives, would give you a sense of purpose.

“Can I ask you something, though?” You said, biting the inside of your cheek in a sort of nervous gesture.

“Yeah, sure,” Klaus prompted, curiosity lowing his eyebrows as he slightly tilted his head.

“Did you mean what you said in there? Did my blocking your power really help you that much?” You just needed to know. He looked so earnest, almost… desperate to experience it again. You felt seized by a sudden warmth. You just wanted to experience that again, whatever that was. To feel like you had done right.

“Trouble, you have no idea how much that helped. I meant what I said,” his tone turned almost affectionate, his eyes almost pleading with you to believe, “It really is all I ever wanted.”

And suddenly, the warmth that you hoped would have a growing familiarity in your body came back. However, there was something else there, nagging at the back of your consciousness, that you couldn’t quite grasp. It almost felt like concern or empathy, but there was something more. Despite Klaus’s kind words, there was an undercurrent of sadness to them. The man in front of you, who sometimes seemed so much younger and fragile than what he was, had been through hurt. You could recognize it. You had the moment you had met him and all the Hargreeves. But you were finally beginning to fully comprehend what his particular sadness was.

“It’s horrible to have been forced with a burden that could probably do so much good, but we just haven’t been able to see it.” You murmured, speaking your thoughts out loud without really meaning to. “All of you guys were forced to do good with your powers. Be the good guys, get the bad ones. That in itself was another burden just on top of it. You were kids. You never got to experience normal lives and have your powers adjusted to fit normalcy. I guess I’m lucky in that regard.”

You didn’t really know what you were saying. Just looking at Klaus’s face and the emotions you couldn’t read had you spewing words so freely that surely he must have thought you to be the erratic one now and not him.

“Sorry,” you laughed lightly, trying to break the tension. “I guess I’m just trying to say, if my power can do good by helping you guys out, then I’m happy. Whenever things get too noisy, just let me know and I’ll try and drown it out for you. Maybe just… living for a while, not stressing about your next plans, will help too.” You could try to provide some sort of normalcy in your shitty little apartment, with shitty cable, and an even shittier view.

“I’ll do that,” Klaus’s voice was so quiet you barely caught what he had said. “Thank you.”

Averting your gaze to the floor, you rubbed the tip of your nose with the back of your hand and stood in silence for a few moments.

“So uhm. Where’s that bathroom?”

“Oh, shit! Ah, yeah, just down the hall and to the right off the kitchen,” Klaus laughed, tension easing.

“What, not going to lead to it?” You teased.

“No, I think you can manage pretty well,” he smirked, before walking off into one of the adjacent rooms, probably to go pack.

What a shame. You’d probably have to burn all his clothes before they touched your carpets, now that you thought about it. You know, because of the fleas and all that.

[holographic-chogi]

Protector pt.15/?

Author: holographic-chogi

Pairing: fem!reader x skz

Warnings: minor sexual content, mentions of abuse. Please let me know if I’ve missed anything!

A/N: I’m not entirely sure if anyone is still around (I’ve taken quite a long hiatus), but my laptop is back and in pristine condition, so I’m planning to continue updating protector. I would love some feedback if anyone has any! And friendly reminder, the Taeil in this story refers to the Taeil of Block B, not NCT.

Summary: a virus has wiped out most of humanity, and society has collapsed. People survive in groups where they live in constant fear and a struggle to survive. Women were the primary victim of the virus, leaving few behind. You are one of the few, kept in secret since the beginning. However, you’ve just been caught.

Masterlist

You reckon it’s about November now.

As you watch the scenery through the car window, you notice the rusted leaves and the first signs of snowfall. Not enough yet to gather on the ground, but soon.

The silence inside the car was suffocating. Unlike the old, worn truck that the boys would always drive around, Jiho drove a Sedan. You were stuck in the passenger’s seat beside him.

Did you believe Changbin and Minho? After all, you’ve known Jiho much longer. You remember when he was just the boy next door, playing basketball in the back alongside your brother.

That’s right...they were close. You had almost forgotten, due to the shocking nature of what you had just been told, but you remember now. You remember the days where the three of you walked side by side to get ice cream. You remember Jiho applying to your brother’s university, unwilling to go anywhere he wasn’t.

You remember Jiho holding your brother as he sobbed about whichever girl just broke his heart. You remember how he gently rubbed his back, murmuring little affirmations to keep him calm but never speaking over him.

It reminds you of how Jiho treated you when this had all started.

Subtly, you sneak a glance at the man in question. Like you had previously observed, he was much thinner now. Tired. Maybe he was a little more erratic now, but you have no idea what he’s gone through since you’ve been gone. Sure he’s different, but he is your family.

“We’re almost there, Y/N.” he says, keeping his eye on the road.

Caught off guard, you stumble over your words. “O-oh, cool.” you pause, “I wasn’t trying to rush you or anything…”

He doesn’t respond at first, his eyes still on the road, but eventually he glances at you. “You seem nervous. Why?”

Your own gaze snaps back to the window, and you shrug, hoping he can’t see the panic on your face. “A little bit, but just to meet your group.”

“It’s late, you don’t have to meet them right away. You can get some rest and meet everyone in the morning.”

You nod, still feeling his eyes on the back of your head. You keep telling yourself you trust him, but why do you still feel so uneasy?

The car came to a halt just outside the opening to an old nature trail, and wordlessly, Jiho got out of the car. You scrambled behind him, getting out and shutting the door quietly.

“Is this the way to camp?” You asked, slinging the backpack with your few belongings over your shoulder, “Are you guys in tents or…”

He looked back at you briefly, “Some of us, only the newcomers.”

You nod in understanding, “So I’ll be in a tent then?”

He chuckled, showing the most amount of emotion he’s shown on the trip thus far, “Of course not, you’ll be indoors.”

The walk was long. Oddly long. Your legs were sore as you tried to keep up. Perhaps you hadn’t been keeping track correctly, but it almost seemed like you had been walking in circles.

You could’ve sworn you remembered that sign.

“Jiho, I don’t mean to nag, but are we almost there?”

He stops, and his whole demeanor changes as he turns to look at you with doting eyes, “are you tired?”

You hesitate, unwilling to complain, but you knew he’d know better. “A bit, but I can keep going.”

He smiled warmly, “I could carry you the rest of the way if you’d like, you could even get some shut-eye.”

You won’t deny it, getting off your feet would be nice. Besides, you want to keep Jiho in this sweet mood that’s suddenly reappeared. You don’t want to seem ungrateful. “S-sure, if it isn’t that much trouble.”

He beams, and you do your best to muster a smile back. Odd, you can’t explain why the smile doesn’t come naturally to you.

He walks behind you and you realize that he wants to carry you in a bridal style.

Just like Changbin did. The day Jiho ditched you.

“Actually, would it be okay if you carried me piggyback? I don’t mean to be picky, I just have a bad shoulder.” You lie, but it’s easier than the truth. You don’t want anyone else to hold you the way Changbin does. Or did.

You notice the brightness leave his eyes slightly, but he stretches his smile even wider. It almost appears forceful. “Sure, of course.”

Your grip on him is slightly loose as he trudges along. You keep telling yourself you love him, he’s like family, almost like a second brother, but it doesn’t keep the nagging suspicion at bay. And you hate yourself for it. Eventually, the pull of sleep conquers all, and your eyes fall to a close.

The first thing you notice when you wake up, is that it’s morning. You quickly shut your eyes, not yet willing to process a new place. You know you’re in a bed, the sheet and single blanket slightly rougher than you’d grown accustomed to, but you weren’t one to complain. You wiggled your toes, noticing your lack of shoes and socks. You could also tell you were indoors, from your quick glance earlier and the lack of wind.

Finally, you open your eyes. Wood walls again, but this was not a bedroom. The walls are covered in framed butterflies, each one pressed between panels of glass. Your bed was awkwardly placed beside what appeared to be someone’s old desk, still covered in papers, a clip board and various desk toys. You could tell based on the scrapes on the wood paneled floors and squares of discoloration in the carpet that there had been more furniture, it must have been moved recently.

You definitely didn’t feel as brave as when you woke up in the farmhouse. You remember how brave you were, instantly instantly exploring the old place. You chuckle as you remember almost giving Felix a heart attack in the kitchen.

But then you feel a pang of nostalgia as you remember the breakfast he made you. And how he talked you down from your initial fear, making you feel safe and welcome.

You flinch as the door opens, and a man steps in. The expression on his (you’ll admit it, kinda handsome) face is bored at best, and you don’t exactly approve of his decision not to knock.

“Hello? Can I help you?” You ask pointedly, pulling the blankets up to your chin. You were still wearing your tank top, but you wanted to be dramatic.

Wait.

You had been wearing two shirts and a jacket on top of this. Someone stripped you down.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N?”

You snap out of your thoughts, and focus back on the mystery man. “Y-yeah?”

His tone continues to be as careless as his expression. “Breakfast. I’m supposed to take you there.”

You nod, carefully removing your covers before trodding behind him, and as the two of you emerge from the office, you are led directly outside. It seems that the office is the only room in the cabin you had been staying in. The surrounding area outside is a forest, but to your confusion, there’s no other surrounding buildings.

“Where is everyone else?”

The man simply scoffed, his voice pure poison, “You get your own little den, since apparently you’re too good to sleep outside with the rest of the newbies.”

You don’t bother responding, this man clearly doesn’t like you, and you doubt you could make any progress with him. However, you took notice of his words, and you can’t help but believe them. Is Jiho really keeping you hidden away?

Just like he did at the cell block?

---

Eventually, the two of you come across several tents littered across what assume is an old campsite. There are three cabins, two small and one large, and two long picnic tables at the center of the site, which are currently packed with people. While no one has eaten yet, there are several unopened cans and defrosted packages still dripping with residual condensation.

The sound of chatter is almost deafening, but it completely ceases as soon as the two of you are in view. You recognize Taeil from the cell block, staring daggers into you.

“Took you two long enough. Did our precious Y/N sleep in?” His voice is thick with hatred, sending a chill down your spine. You much preferred the carelessness of the man who woke you up.

The man in question pushes you forward, roughly. “Go to the big cabin, the boss is waiting.”

You simply gulp and nod, shrinking into yourself as you speed walk past the picnic tables, feeling eyes all over you, all the way until you make it through the cabin doors.

But somehow what’s waiting for you makes you even more uncomfortable.

There’s a single table set for two, with freshly cooked meat and eggs, much nicer food than what everyone else was provided. There’s a man stationed beside it, and his look of pity only makes your heart beat faster.

“He’ll be down soon. You’d better sit down fast.”

Taglist (lol it’s only one person, but just lemme know if anyone wants me to add them): @leetaemintrashnumber1

[stripper-patrick]

Always be my baby💛 Erik Killmonger

Lil Mama 🍷

Oh shit♋️

Here for you📴

Bitch⚔️

Always be my baby💛

Warnings: language, fluff

Relationship: Erik Killmonger x black plus sized reader

We’re sitting down and I take a sip of my water when Erik looks at me. “What?”

“Can’t I look at you?” I blush and shake my head

“Quit it”

“I’m looking at my beautiful wife carrying my beautiful daughter”

“Wife? I don’t see a ring on my finger”

“Trust me baby girl I’m gon marry you”

“Ok I’ll hold you for that”

“What can I get you guys today?”

“Can I get the spicy chicken cashew?”

“Of course and for you sir”

“The same” the waiter nods and takes our menus leaving us alone again.

“This is nice almost like our last dinner before the baby comes”

“So what are we gonna name her?”

“I was thinking Zari’Elle”

“That’s beautiful and her middle and last?”

“Well obviously she’ll have your last name and I mean your government name”

“Ok for her middle name I like Naiya”

“She’ll be next in line for the throne”

“Will she? I think baby girl will do great” After a little while our food comes and I take a bite. It’s so good. I lean back and smile placing my hand on my stomach.

“Damn is it that good?” I nod taking another bite. “Lemme get a bite”

“I can’t have shit”

“You got me” he smiles. I stab a piece of chicken and he takes it off the fork.

“Gotdamn thats spicy” E coughs. He takes a sip of his water and I laugh.

“It has a little kick” I shrug eating more

...

“Ready?” I nod and he helps me out the booth. We get in the car and he begins the drive back to the house. “Do we have everything for Zari?” I nod

“Yup birth plan, nursery, car seat everything is set”

“Good” I sit on the couch and Erik sits next to me. He turns on the tv and I lay my head on his shoulder.

“I’m tired”

“Go to sleep then I’ll wake you up when we should leave” I nod closing my eyes and fall asleep.

...

I wake up to Erik’s phone ringing and he lifts his head off of mine grabbing it. I lift my head and use Erik’s leg as leverage to get up.

“Yea. Yea we’re on the way got caught in traffic. Ok cool” he hangs up “Can you help me with my shoes please” he nods bending down and grabbing my sandals.

“Baby your feet are swollen” he says

“I don’t even know what they look like anymore” I feel myself getting emotional and a tear falls. Erik stands up “Why are you crying babe”

“I miss my feet” He wipes my tears kissing my cheek

“They’ll be back now come on let’s go get more food” I feel a weird pain in my lower abdomen and it immediately goes away. Maybe Zari pushed on something. Or the spicy food.

....

We get to the cookout and we greet everyone eventually seeing Cody on the grill. Erik daps him up and Cody kisses my cheek. He rubs my stomach. “Baby girl still hanging in there?” He asks flipping the burgers

“Yea” His hand stays on my belly as he feels Zari starts to kick. I look at Erik who has his eyes trained on Cody.

“She’s a soccer player” before I can say anything Erik nods and groans. There he go again.

“Well there’s food in the kitchen help yourselves and enjoy” we nod. Erik holds my hand up the steps and opens the door to the house for me. We see more people and introduce ourselves. I grab a plate filling it with food. “Is that my plate?” He smiles

“Hell nah this is Zari’s plate”

“She not gon eat all of that”

“Yea ok” I laugh. He makes his plate and we sit down.

“Why you gotta be so jealous don’t nobody got my attention except for you”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” he stabs into his macaroni and cheese taking a bite. “Lemme get some” he sucks his teeth and lets me get a bite. Another pain hits me and I gasp.

“What?”

“Nothing I think she keeps hitting something” I rub my back where the pain keeps hitting and his hands replace mine soothing the pain.

“Do you wanna go home?”

“No we just got here I’m fine” I continue eating and I notice some ladies gawking at us. Mainly Erik. I look at him and back at them and they glare at me. “I have no problem whoppin y’all asses while I’m pregnant with HIS child so I suggest you stop staring” they turn away and get up and leave.

“You so damn protective”

“Yea whatever” he stands up and grabs my plate throwing it away before leaning down on the armrests kissing my lips. I feel another pain but I try to ignore it. I groan letting go of his lips and dropping my head. “What do the pain feel like?”

“Like cramps” I take a deep breath feeling the pain subside. “Do you think they’re those fake contractions” Erik is very concerned he hates seeing me in pain.

“Probably” I nod. He helps me up and we go outside where people are playing flag football. Cody is on the yellow team and some other people are on the green team. Erik finds 2 seats and I sit down. He sits next to me and places his hand on my belly rubbing it. We watch the game and all through it that feeling just kept coming back. I hold Erik’s hand as he cheers Cody on. I stand up and go inside going to the bathroom.

....

The pain is damn near unbearable at this point but I know Erik will freak the fuck out. I walk downstairs and take a deep breath. I walk back outside and sit down but Erik is nowhere to be found. I see him dribbling the soccer ball. He’s pretty good. He dribbles it to the goal shooting into the goal and making it. I clap but that comes short when I feel the cramp again. I try to move around so it’ll go away but it only gets worse.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck” I curse under my breath. I bite my lip and close my eyes for a bit “Zari chill”

“You ok?” Cody’s wife Demetria asks. She’s has kids. 4 which is way too many for my comfort.

“Demi how do you know if you’re in labor?” Her eyes go wide

“Well they feel like cramps but times 1000”

“Ok anything else?” I ask

“Your water usually breaks at least mine did here let’s get you some water” I stand back up and go in the house with her. I lean on the counter and she gets me a glass of water.

“Thank you” I gulp half the glass before setting it down

“Are you in labor?”

“I don’t know my water hasn’t broken but I feel those cramps and sharp pains in my back”

“Do you want me to get Erik?”

“No ima thug it out I’m fine” I take another sip

“You know he gon be mad girl”

“He’ll be more anxious than ever and I don’t wanna hype up something that’s not true”

“Let me know if you need anything” i nod and she leaves. I take another deep breath before returning outside. Erik comes up to me a little sweaty.

“Them niggas was light work baby- you ok?”

“Promise me you won’t freak out”

“Baby what’s wrong”

“I think I’m in labor” his eyes go wide “Oh shit”

“Chill E please” another huge pain hits me so hard that I double over in pain groaning. “Son of a bitch” I curse

“We gotta go” Cody comes over

“Is she ok?” Erik smiles “I think ima meet my daughter today” Erik smiles.

He helps me walk to the car and Cody and Demetria are right at my side as well. I get to the front lawn and walk across the grass. I stop feeling a gush of water soak my legs. “I’m scared” tears fall and I scrunch up Erik’s shirt.

“What is it that I always tell her?” I stop and think for a second “That you won’t let anything happen to her”

“Same rules apply” Cody opens the door for me and I get in writhing in pain. Erik jogs around and gets in starting the engine. He drives like a bat out of hell. During the drives the contractions become unbearable.

“How long E” I groan “A short 20 minutes baby” I lift my dress and put my feet on the dashboard “do you need to push?” I nod grabbing his hand. He rubs small circles in mine and I bring my chin to my chest pushing. I grab the overhead holder thing stopping.

“Ow oh my god” tears stream down my face “Come on Baby you got it keep pushing” I push again finally feeling her head.

“Wait wait I don’t feel right somethings not right” Erik speeds up trying to get me to the hospital “Erik I don’t wanna push”

“Baby you’re doing fine everything’s gonna be ok” another contraction hits hard and I scream. I push against my will and more tears drench my face. Her head is out and my baby is blue. “Erik she’s” I sniffle “she’s blue what do we do” “What?” I can see the pain flash across his face “babe just keep pushing she’s ok” he takes off his hoodie setting it on my chest. I push one more time letting out a blood curdling scream and I catch the baby. I wrap her in his hoodie and try to warm her up. She’s not crying, she’s limp.

“Erik she’s not breathing” I cry

“Keep rubbing her back smack her butt do something” I rub her back but to no avail she’s still blue. I smack her butt, again no cries. I look down and notice all the blood that’s still pouring out. “Erik take the baby” I put her in his arms and he looks among me the baby and the road. I see the hospital in sight and lay my head back closing my eyes.

Erik’s POV

I’ve been pacing around wrapped in my own thoughts for an hour. I’ve called her parents and Adria.

“Erik” I turn and see Adria and she hugs me.

“Where is she what happened” her mother asks

“She lost a lot of blood the b-baby wasn’t breathing and she was blue and I don’t know” I panic. They sit down in shock and I continue pacing. I go up to the counter to the receptionist.

“Y/N Y/L/N any update on her”

“No sir we don’t have anything”

“Go find out” I yell. The woman jumps

“Sir go sit down before I call security” “Erik” I turn around to see the doctor with Adria.

“Where is she? How is she? Where’s Zari?” My brain is all over the place. I’ll kill someone if I find out something’s wrong.

“Calm down look both mom and baby are fine. You can see Y/N she’s resting everything went well and Zari were still working with her we don’t know if she’ll-“

I grab him by the collar bringing him closer to me “if you tell me my daughter won’t make it neither will you. You better make sure my baby girl lives” I let him and he gulps “what’s Y/N’s room number”

“698” I nod and go up to her room with Adria and her mother hot on my heels. I get to the room and approach it slowly. I pray silently real quick before walking in and seeing Y/N up an watching tv. I let go of the breath I was holding and run to her side holding her.

“Hi baby” she says “I’m so sorry I didn’t wanna leave you” I sniffle.

“E” “I should’ve never left you I should’ve stayed and taken you here as soon as you started contracting”

“Erik look at me” she places her hand under my chin “I’m fine” The doctor walks in with a clipboard. “We’re still working on Zari’s breathing but she’s getting there”

“Come here doc” he walks closer and she grabs him by the collar. This man is just being whored today.

“If you don’t do all you can and more to save my baby girl I’ll make sure you pay” he gulps looking her directly in her eyes. That’s my baby. Y/N lets him go and smiles. The doctor leaves and Y/N lays back and I kiss her. “I can’t lose you again” She smiles and scoots over allowing me to lay next to her. “You got all this booty so you might be hanging off the bed”

“Don’t play with me” I laugh

Your POV

I wake up to the room door being opened. Erik is asleep in the chair next to my moms and the nurse wheels in Zari. She’s so tiny and perfect.

The nurse smiles at me “she’s all yours and her eyes are grey but they’ll change over time” she picks up the baby and hands her to me. Tears blur my vision but I blink causing them to fall. Her eyes are open and they’re this pretty charcoal color. “Erik” I whisper. He turns his head and I call his name again watching him open his eyes.

“Hmm” he groans

“Come here” he stands up and stretches cracking his back “What you need something?”

“Turn on the small light” he twists the little lamp and adjusts his eyes to the light. He looks down and his eyes go wide. I hold her up and he shakes his head “she’s little”

“Hold her” he takes the baby and she’s not even as long as his forearm. The cradles her head with his hand and holds her butt so she’s upright. I watch tears fall from his eyes. I’ve never seen Erik cry so much at all. “Hi beautiful. Hi Zari’Elle” he just holds her and I wipe my tears. “I’m so glad my girls are ok”

....

Erik is laying next to me holding Zari’Elle after I just fed her. I’m eating and he taps my thigh.

“Aye so you remember how I said I was gonna marry you”

“Yea literally yesterday” I don’t even face him this food is so damn good. “Y/N”

“What do you want little bo- oh my god” I turn around to see a ring in a matte black box.

“Don’t scream but since that punk ass nigga only did cause you were pregnant I figured I’d do it right so Y/N Y/L/N will you-“ I cut him off with a kiss. “Yes” I peck his lips and hug him. I put the ring on and kiss him again.

“Now that we sealed it we gotta make at least 3 more babies” he smiles. My fave goes blank “You touch me and you die”

“We’ll see”

[ansgar-martinsson]

The Best Intentions - Part 4

“Well,” Ansgar set his pint down and folded his hands deliberately upon the table. “My business philosophy has always been one of going above and beyond the least. The least isn’t good enough, you see. Even, sometimes, my best isn’t…,” his hesitation was involuntary, but he recovered, tipping his chin beneath a haughty, prideful expression, “my best isn’t good enough… in my estimation.”

He shrugged, reaching for his pint and once again bringing it to his lips. “So, Joline Lindberg,” he took a sip of his beer and licked his lips, “what I am saying – what I am proposing, is that I… that Martinsson Construction, that is, provides you… the Stockholm Opera House, that is… with funding, some amount that you and I agree upon to meet some need for the gala. Whatever need isn’t met yet, whether it be the catering, or something structural, or transport, or security, or music, or, whatever it is where you see a need,” he set his glass back down again, punctuating his point, “I will provide it - not only the money but the manpower, the assitance.”

“So,” he said, his grin broad and honest. “What do you say to that sort of thing? Not an obligation, then, but a…,” he squinted in momentary thought, “a partnership?”

And with that, he held out his hand to her.

“A partnership,” she whispered reverently. The offer was more than she ever hoped to gain by borrowing her mother’s car and burgled shoes. It represented more than she sought to gain from meetings with Wiessing. “That’s a triumph for Career Jo!”

To a symphony of clinking glasse, scraping silverware and chatting people, Joline noticed a gentle breeze wafted her hand into his. Heartily she gripped and shook, “I’d love that really.”

His handshake was powerful, and his hand hot, strong and oddly tender. A silent force, but active reserve in play. He could use them to handle delicate china or deliver untold devastation.

“So this gala of yours, when is it? How can I help?” Ansgar Martinsson inquired after their hands lingered slight longer than custom.

Jo sat back beaming at the win for the Opera House. “Uh, same night as our season debut, the seventh of September. In the lobby. My staff has most everything sorted, being that it’s only a few weeks from now.”

Ansgar produced his mobile from the hidden breast pocket of his blazer. Swiping those long graceful fingers over the display, he entered some personal notes. “Please got on. I’m listening.” His direction sounded curt and clipped, but his tone was soft, sure and non-threatening.

Jo admired his directness, his business sense and his ability to multitask. He asked appropriate questions as Jo rattled off many of the details that she recalled from memory. The caterer had been scheduled, the staff to serve drinks, musicians hired, security increased and a photographer hired.

Ansgar gestured for the waiter to refill their drinks while he continued to make notes or sent succinct messages to Britta.

“I do have an idea – well, several to be fair – for the gala,” Jo finally circled round. “And beyond actually. I wanted to hold an auction, silent or grand – I’m still thinking it through. Fund raising for future projects in and around the Opera House.”

He’d put down his mobile to dedicate all of his attention to her plan. His legs stretched out underneath the table, one ankle crossed over the other. He watched as she got more excited.

“That’s where I need you,” she met his direct gaze. “Your contacts, your posh friends and business associates and their deep pockets. Come to the gala and bid up past costumes or set pieces or props. I’d like to restore and re-imagine that little theatre in the west wing, for intimate concerts and workshops for the university. The Globe did it years ago, and it works as another revenue stream all year round. But I need funding to do that. I’ll also need you to estimate the cost of that… a goal for such an auction.”

Ansgar nodded. “I’ll start making some contacts this afternoon, get some calls going,” he said. He knew, though, with those posh friends and business associates, those contacts weren’t as strong as they’d been before he… before he left. Some of those contacts he hadn’t even reconnected with since he’d been back, others had left him some rather negative emails and voice mails after reading the news of his return.

Where the hell have you been?

Why didn’t you tell me you were back?

How fucking irresponsible can you be?

Screw you, Martinsson. I thought you were dead.

Sorry, Sgar. I’ve got a new joint venture with….

We’ve moved on. Moved on. Moved on.

He smiled, bunching up his napkin and resting it on the side of his plate. “Shall we go? I can drive you back to my office. I believe your car is still there.”

“Yeah,” she said. “My car’s still at your office.”

The woman had dreams, big ones, and she reminded him of himself. She was tenacious, ambitious, and that ambition was attractive. He found himself smiling as she talked in the car, as he listened - as she spoke of funding sources and writing grants and relationship building and plans plans and more plans.

“And when I was in America, I worked for a major university, in their theatre department. I ran the fine arts center, and spent most of my time revamping the talent schedule, getting the stage equipment updated, and… hey, have you ever been to America?”

Ansgar pulled his car into its parking spot, shoved it into gear, and turned off the ignition. “Yeah,” was all he said, his voice curt and clipped. “I’ve been.”  He unfolded himself from the car and walked around the back. He opened her door and offered her his hand.

She placed her hand in his and stood. Ansgar felt a strange chill go through him, as if he was being scanned - she’d looked up at him, her eyes narrowing with a cock of her head. She studied him for a split second that seemed an eternity. “You okay? You seem a little bit off just now.”

Ansgar swallowed, giving his head a small shake. “Yes, I’m fine,” he said. Lowering his head, he gestured widely with his left hand. “This way. Your car is in the car park upstairs.”

“Thank you for lunch,” she commented towards the taller man’s back, his loafers clicking on the smooth concrete. The mention of America triggered him, in a small way, deflated him. He tried to hide it by leading the way to the car park. “By the way…” Her feet skipped a step to meet his stride and walk beside him. “It was unexpected, productive… thank you for that!”

“You are quite welcome. It was a pleasure.” Another bland automatic response, his thoughts elsewhere.

Jo didn’t take offense, only kept a steady gait with him. “Next business meal’s on me.”

He side-eyed her to check for truth or for an extra limb or appendage. Usually, back in his other life, when women learned who Ansgar was and what he was worth, the question of payment landed on him. All the time.

The sun beamed down on them then as they stepped out from the private carport overhang to the guest lot. No third arm or extra nose on the woman… no airs, no attitudes; she just was. He wondered if she handled his moody like she did her talent.

He found a smile, a weak and surprised one, underneath the mountain of memories. “We’ll see about that,” he responded noncommittally.

“May I ask you something? It’s a bit rhetorical, a lot personal, and entirely none of my business.” The two stopped at the door of the mini, the smell of Linnea, petrol and damp wafting off the river. “This is me,” she announced with an off-hand gesture.

Ansgar surveyed the car shortly, then the woman, and then the car once more. One eyebrow cocked up in disbelief. “This is not you.”

Jo cracked a smile. “Borrowed me. My ride…” she shrugged, searching for the right phrase, “uh, not appropriate for the skirt.”

“Ah!”

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Jo turned fully to her companion as they stood in the summer sun as it pressed down into them. She glanced at her feet, digging her hands deep into the rear pockets of her jeans.

Ansgar dared, as he always would regardless the woman, a trailing stare down her body. While she contemplated her shoes against the pavement, he drank in her long legs, firm thighs, and curve of her breasts, accentuated by the strain of black cotton. He yanked his focus from her just as she looked up again.

“I was gonna say… gonna ask,” she clicked her tongue against her teeth, losing some of her nerve. She’d be disappointed in herself if she didn’t speak her mind. “You said that you’d been away,” she squinted in curiosity, “Are you happy being home? Are you happy here?”

His nostrils flared. His lips pressed together into a tight straight line. The entitlement… the brazen…

Her hands flew up to beg mercy. “It’s none of my damn business. Don’t answer. Only food for thought… rhetorical, ‘member?” Another shrug lifted her shoulder, this one offered up in apology. “Thank you again for lunch… and your attention. Truly.” She produced her business card from her back pocket and slipped it into the pocket of his blazer.

“Ring me, won’t you? When you schedule work in the theatre? I’ll be there to help, yeah?” She didn’t let his silence get to her. “I’d fancy a lesson so I know what to look for… in the future.”

Jo felt that she’d shocked him enough for their first meeting. She voted against a friendly gesture of a kiss on each cheek. He seemed so in need of something nice, something pleasant, but she perhaps wasn’t the right person to extend that. Not yet.

She folded herself into the car, waving out the oppressive heat. “Until next time, Herr Martinsson.”

“Until next time, Froken Lindberg,” he said, giving her a polite bow of the head. He set his hand on the car frame, but it was she who closed it, leaning over and pulling the door closed with a tinny thunk. He lifted the same hand in a gesture of farewell as she started the small car, put it into gear, looked over her shoulder and backed it out, shifting again to drive away.

He lowered his hand as he watched after her for a moment. “No, if you must know,” he murmured. “I’m not happy being home. I’m not happy here. I’m not happy anywhere. Not yet at least.”

And he turned on his heel and strode back into his building.

***

Later, in the early evening, after he’d spent hours on the phone (angrily and heatedly lecturing… threatening… his sprinkler subcontractor, warning his surety agent, seeking counsel from his construction solicitor, chewing out his mechanical engineer, and instructing his public relations manager with regard to the gala) and another few hours bent over Opera House plans and specs, he sat back, yawned, and stretched. “Oh, fuck,” he moaned. “Fuck this all to hell.”

He hadn’t anticipated spending the entire day on the Opera House. He hadn’t anticipated coming back to face a shit-storm like he was facing, both physically with the coordination of work, or on a public relations level. What would it do for the press to learn that Martinsson Construction’s flagship project for the past three and a half years had sprung massive leaks? What would it do indeed?

It would do a massive pile of fuck all, that’s what it’d do.

Or perhaps, he thought he had anticipated it. He’d trusted his staff – or perhaps, when he left all that time ago, he hadn’t even given it any thought as to whether he could trust anyone who would carry on the business in his absence. He simply didn’t care, not then. There were other things to care about. Or not.

Perhaps he should have cared.

He’d left no note, no word, no nothing to the Board, only a quick email from a new, nondescript and untraceable Gmail account to his solicitors, telling them that he was taking leave from his position as CEO for the foreseeable future, that they should put the temporary succession plan in place, and that he would advise upon his return.

What else could he have expected?

And from Joline Lindberg? What more should I expect?

He shook his head, taken aback by the thought of her that slithered its way into his tired mind. The image of her, her anticipatory grin, those curves tightly wrapped in that pair of jeans, that blacker than black shirt showing off every bit of her, of her on that motorcycle she talked about, and… Damn it!

He scrubbed at his face, coursing his hands down to stretch his skin, his mouth gaping open as his fingers pulled down on the edge of his jaw to curve around and pull at the tight, aching flesh of his neck.

… and then he closed his eyes, and the thought of her invaded again. He found his fingers splayed, pressing lower, down his chest, over his stomach to his groin and…

Fuck! No! No fucking way!

He shook his hand violently. “She’s a client, you arse,” he muttered, sneering in self-disgust. “Dickhead.”  He woke up his computer, and opened his emails. Something to do, something to get his mind off of…

FROM: j.lindberg@StockholmOpera.se

Ansgar sighed, chuckled mirthlessly to himself, and opened the email.

Jo slumped further into her computer chair, one foot tucked under her and the other poised on the lip. She bobbed her head, her chin brushing her knee. She chewed absently on the end of her pen, reading over her email… again. The screensaver popped up and littered her document with digital air-borne balloons, bouncing this way and that. A sign from some almighty spirit to save her from, in fact, confirming her brand of crazy for the man that she spent most of her afternoon.

Her mouth spluttered around her pen as she tried to call out to her mother. “Mamma?” she spat, her tongue falling out of her mouth momentarily. She threw the oral fixation aside and tried again, “Mamma?” She called blindly through the house from the comfort of her office, which was little more than a closet. She kept her desk, chair, laptop and a poster of The Globe in London on her wall. To this day, her favorite gig she’d ever done, and it was only a fortnight workshop.

“Joly, I’m… fine.”

“Are ya? Really? Can I get something for ya?” She untangled her limbs and padded along the champagne colored rug.

“No, no… Joly, I’m fine.”

Jo followed the sound of her mother’s voice to her room at the opposite of end of the hallway. She found the woman in her favorite chair near the window, knitting another scarf or booties or mittens for her grandsons that the eight year olds had outgrown about four years ago. “Did you take your meds, mamma?”

“You didn’t need to come in here. I heard yer mouth.”

Choosing to ignore the snark, Jo bent and kissed her mother’s forehead. She did it every night, not only as an ‘I love you’ but also to check her temperature subtly. Her mother hated the fuss, and Jo adapted her behavior to it. “Did you take your meds?”

“Yeah, yeah… I have. What are you working on in there?” Emelie jerked her head towards the door, her fingers working like magic, over and under, cross and weaving, gracing the yarn in a spell.

“Proving to my… partner… that I am as mad as he believes me to be.”

“Brilliant pastime, my dear.”

Jo checked over her mother’s levels and notes from earlier in the day before her treatments. She said nothing, only noted it to herself. She felt just a pang of guilt for not having gone with her to hospital that day.

“Joly, come away from there. I’m fine.” Her needles clicked and danced, progressing along whatever project it was.

“I’m going with you for the next—“

“Joly, torturing your… partner with your neurosis is time better spent than bothering over me.”

“Neuroses if you please, mamma.”

With that, Jo exited her mother’s room and headed back to her office to reconsider sending that email once more. She dropped into her chair just as she had before, swiping her middle finger over the touchpad to rouse it and chase away the balloons.

She read:

TO: amartinsson@martinsson.co.se                       20:33pm  1 attachment

Herr Martinsson,

Please forgive the unexpected email AND the Stanley person who gave me your email. Not to worry, I don’t believe it was his true identity and you’ll be pleased to know that he didn’t give it up without a fight. Your employees do respect your privacy to the utmost.

I had some additional thoughts regarding the Opera House because I needed the distraction more than anything else. I sat down at my computer and wrote a formal proposal, see attached. I assumed that you would like some sort of project proposal and a contract between us. An understanding, if you will.

If you’d like to email me back, I’d appreciate knowing if you’re available, if you’re open to more ravings of a lunatic…

Or you can tell me to bugger off in your colorful way. I await your response.

Yours,

Joline Lindberg

And then she foolishly hit send.

[storiesundercandlelight]

Loving Loki - Two

Another two weeks had passed since the late coffee between me and David at my house. There was no real change between us after that other than the fact that he took more notice of me being present or not in a room. A small smile here and there, the occasional small talk when I refilled his coffee cup at the same time as my own. 

I began to hate the case, still nothing had been unearthed about the two missing girls and I could see David was almost pulling his hair out because of it. I didn’t blame him. One of the fathers to the girls had been on Davids case more than the rest the last few days, trying to take matters into his own hands. I did wonder how much longer Davids patience would hold out.

I was sat on my desk chair, legs up against my chest and feet resting on the chair as I chewed absent-mindedly on a strawberry pencil from a bag someone had brought in. I was almost done filing and filtering through the latest pile of evidence and paperwork, I checked the clock quickly. 6:34pm, okay so I was thirty minutes overtime already but I was sure another twenty to finished off the paperwork wouldn’t hurt.

I was wrong. I sighed finally leaning back into the chair. 7:28pm. Okay so it wasn’t that bad, I didn’t hit the full hour but still…that last file was a pain in my ass. I noticed the chill that had come with the department heating being turned off by this time and pulled my department hoodie higher up my neck to fight it off, bunching it up into my cheeks pushing my glasses every so slightly crooked on my face. 

“I didn't think anyone was still here” to say I didn’t jump would be the understatement of the year. I swivelled in my chair and came face to face with a very tired David. He was leaning on the desk behind mine, his eyes shadowed by dark circles, muscles relaxed if not purely because of how tired they were.

“Sorry, I was going to go I just wanted to finish the last file, which turned out to take longer than I thought” 

“Can’t ever say you’re not dedicated” There it was. The first smile I’d seen from him all day. It made me feel better for sure but I did take a moment to wonder where he had been all day, he hadn’t been at his desk for hours and you were sure he didn’t go out on a lead.

“So how’s your day been?”

“Tiring, I’ve been stuck in a meeting all day updating and briefing anything new on the case, which isn’t much but somehow they managed to keep it going for hours” Explains where he’s been. “You should head home you know, it’s late and those things don’t count as dinner”

I looked down at the last few strawberry pencils, he was right, they didn’t count but the thought of cooking dinner right now made me want to dig my own grave and crawl into it.

“You’re probably right, do you need anything before I go?” I asked as I stood up and began organising my desk. 

“Dinner?”

“Huh?” I turned to look at David who had gone a subtly shade of pink, his eyes meeting mine trying to work out if what he’d said had offended me or not. 

“Do you want to get dinner? With me?” I was taken back by him asking. I mean he probably means it in more of a we’re colleagues and maybe friends and we both stayed late and need dinner so why not get some together? Right? “You don’t have to, I just-“

“No dinner sounds good”

“Oh okay, okay lets go” He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair by his desk and grabbed his keys. The jangle of the keychains the only noise I could hear right now other than my furious heartbeat. Why was I getting so nervous? 

It took us ten minutes to get in the car and wind up at the local diner. I was thankful for the casual choice of venue, my leggings and department hoodie didn’t exactly scream fancy although I couldn’t deny I was grateful for the more causal dress code I was allowed to abide by at work. Plus it would be awkward going to a fancy restaurant with David, I didn’t even think the town had a fancy restaurant, so we’d have to travel out to the next town and-

“Are you okay?” Davids voice pulled me away from my thoughts, we’d parked up outside the dinner and now he was looking at me, concerned bringing his eyebrows down closer together.

“Yes! Sorry I was kinda lost in my own thoughts” I smiled hoping he wouldn’t delve further and almost let out a sigh of relief when he shrugged his shoulders and made to get out of the car.

The diner was nice, the owner Kathy kept the place nice while Carl her husband ran the kitchen and managed everything else. I’d seen their son on more than one occasion in town, I knew he helped his parents run the place and went out on errands all the time. He smiled from behind the cut out window to the kitchen behind the counter. 

“You know Kyle?” David walked us to an empty both and we sat down, Kathy was already on here way over with a pot of coffee.

“Not really, I’ve seen him around a few times and he gave me directions a few times, he seems nice” David nodded and smiled up at Kathy who quickly poured steaming coffee into two of the mugs on the table.

She took our orders and cheerfully wandered back to the kitchen to hand it in. So chipper for someone who runs a late working diner. David was looking down at his coffee, he seemed lost in thought and for a moment I didn’t want to disturb him. Then thinking better of it I spoke.

“So…Do you do much outside of work?”

“Not really, it tends to take up most of my time and then I’m too tired to do much but sleep when I’m not working” He looked up and me and for a second I thought he looked embarrassed by the fact that his answer was so boring. “What about you?”

“I read, write a little I guess. I haven’t done an awful lot since moving here actually, I still need to finish decorating”

“You should go to the next city over, better choices”

“I’ll try it out, do you go there much?”

“Sometimes, a few cases took me there and I went once on a day off just for something to do. I could come with you if you want? I don’t know the area all that well but I guess two lost people is better than one” He smiled and I smiled back automatically. It was nice to see him like this and I found it so easy to feel comfortable around him.

Even when our food arrived we kept the conversation going, talking about family. He didn’t have an awful lot to say about his family, he was an only child and had joined the police force as early as he could. I told him about my uncle who worked at NYPD, he’d got me interested in police work but I never felt like I could make it out on the field so I went for the background work instead. David wanted a dog, but didn’t have the time to commit to one. He didn’t have a wife or girlfriend which made me a lot more happier than I would openly admit. He hated mustard.

By the time we got back into the car I was full and tired. The car ride was glazed over in a comfortable silence until we finally rolled up outside my house, I noticed that ginger cat was back again and sat on the porch licking his paws like he owned the place.

“When I find out who owns that cat I’m going to shove him through their letterbox” He laughed. David laughed. It was such a nice sound and I’d never heard it before I turned to him and my surprise must have shown on my face because he stopped short as soon as I looked at him. 

“That wasn’t a joke?”

“Well that depends…would you tell anyone it was me if I did it?” I held back my smile as best as I could but eventually we both smiled at each other. Smooth recovery.

“You’re secrets safe with me”

“Thanks for dinner”

“You’re welcome”

[sandersideslibrary]

A Librarians Book

Written for the 2019 Reverse! Big Bang! The image description that prompted this [Virgil standing on a cliff at night, overlooking the water]

Beach side town, small but quaint, a summer tourist town, was a port city, historical relevance and attraction, was always a place where people congregate. There are Stories here, of ghosts and good folk, of summer love and loss. And Virgil's just a part of that

Yay! Its finished!

This has been my active writing project for the past 3 months and i am quite happy with how this has turned out. I literally finished typing this up after my final today, so if there are any spelling mistakes please let me know, if there is anything that should be tagged in regards to triggers or squicks, also let me know.

the drawing that inspired this 13000 W behemoth is @panicjester on tumblr, check out the work, it's pretty neat! And this whole thing was hosted by @sanderssidesfanfiction, the whole reverse event should be reblogged to @ss-reverse-bang , this is also posted to my Ao3, Stedler2 (k9cat) 

it counts as being posted on the day if its before 12, right?

The Librarians Book

Virgil saw a leaf fall on the ground yesterday, half brown and not dry enough to crunch. He wished it was crunchable, because it would have been a distraction for a moment. He’d be alone till the temperature dropped to single digits once again, when winter truly would be in the air. But right now, it was just Autumn, and he was alone.

His town was a small seaside location, pretty coastal views mixed with historical events made for a pretty secure tourist location. Summer was always the busiest with festivals and crowded sands, spring was quite nice also. Mostly for the flowers that bloomed and the renewed interest in going outside. Winter was chilly, but never biting cold. The waves grew choppy and dark, but it was a peaceful time where everyone and everything rested for a while. Yet Autumn, was just Autumn, dead leaves and dead grass. The end of some really nice days and the start of some gray skies that covered up the stars.

He still went to the cliff like usual though.

The cliff was actually a really nice location, just outside of the between where sandy beaches started and the protected port laid, all within walking distance of his home and his work at the library. It wasn’t a very popular location. There were multiple stories of how people saw ghosts or seen weird stuff going on up there, and it was generally warned to just not go there.

Virgil liked the stories, he didn’t mind them at all, and he found them quite fun. It was also good on the part that it kept tourists and locals away more often than not.

He just wished Autumn was a little less lonely though. A particularly chilly wind gust cut through his jacket, pricking his skin with goosebumps and numbing his fingers on his ukulele. He sat on the rock watching the sun set, waiting for the stars to shine, and to bring him a friend.

A Scholars Story

Virgil was incredibly excited that morning when he read that his thermometer said it was only plus 9 degrees outside.

Single digits.

Winter was here.

He bundled up in his thick hoodie and pulled a toque over his ears. It was a quick walk to his work at the library with a bound in his step. The day passed relatively quickly and he self checked out a couple new books about astronomy that had come in during the summer. It looked to be a perfect night for stargazing. The sun was slowly setting as he made his way to the cliff. The forecast called for a clear night; he couldn’t wait to look at the stars.

The water shimmered with the last days light, a golden sunset in all the words. The breeze was light but the smell of the sea nipped at his nose all the same with the chill. The large flat rock was still slightly warm from the sun’s kiss, and so he settled there till he saw the first twinkle of star shimmer in the inky black night sky. The gently lapping waves way below a calm pattern and reflecting the moons borrowed light just like the water did the sun.

He looked to his right and found Logan there, telescope supported on its stand like usual, head turned upwards as usual, gazing to the stars above them.

“Hey Lo.”

“Greetings Virgil.” He replied, not looking away from the stars.

“Anything new happening?”

“For me, it has been the same. You know that. But I suppose you are asking that so that I may ask you in return. It has been a while, has it not?”

“Just been a year, like any other. The library did get some new astronomy books on over the summer, and I did check them out, so what do ya say?”

“New books? What kind?”

Virgil smiled at the piqued interest in Logan’s voice. “Two are some advancements in the field and new discoveries, and one about poetry actually, which one?”

“It never fails to amaze me how much your age had furthered the study of the stars, especially when I was only ever able to look through a telescope. But new poetry just for the stars, please read me that one first.”

“I still think you were born in the wrong time Logan,” Virgil said as he pulled out the slim book, plastic gold foil of the cover slightly crinkling at being moved.

“You have said that before, but I have no qualms on such sentiment. If it were not for me and my forefathers your world would not be what it is today.”

“I guess, but I hope you remember what I read about Pioneer 10, it’s part of the title for the first poem.”

“I believe I do, but if I don’t, I know you will remind me.” Logan didn’t look away when Virgil started to read the book aloud.

“Okay,” Virgil cleared his voice. “Pioneer 10, I Here You...”

~*~

Most of Virgil’s evenings were spent that way in the winter. It never truly became to cold, never below freezing, but close enough and especially at night, to want a thicker coat and gloves. Sitting on the largest rock of the circle that was facing, pointing out to the sea to watch the sun set, and if he was lucky, on clear nights Logan would be there, and Virgil would read. The nights of overcast and drizzles were lonely, with Virgil going back to his home after work, knowing Logan wouldn’t be there when the stars couldn’t be seen.

~*~

The moon was half way to waning and the lights of the town were low, and there was not a cloud in the sky. The cold air nipped at his ears and redden his cheeks for him, and he shivered a little bit. It was a perfect night for stargazing, or for reading a book by flashlight.

“Virgil.” Logan interrupted his reading, and Virgil looked up from the textbook he was reading aloud. “You are shivering, and it is getting quite late at night. You should go to your home.” Logan kept his eyes on the sky.

“It’s not that cold out-” Virgil tried to defend himself, just as a large bout of shivers ran through him at the wind gust. “Plus, you’ll still be here. And in just an old coat too.”

“You know that I do not feel the cold, and my attire makes absolutely no difference in whether I will be here or not. Even if you think it is centuries old, it still looks quite nice. I can not say the same for your jacket.”

“Hey! At least I can keep updated with the fashion of the times, and, I don’t want you to feel lonely.” Virgil spied a hint of a smile playing on Logan’s lips.

“I appreciate your concern. But as I have told you before, I do not really get lonely. I was here was before you found me, and I am sure that I will still be here when you can no longer come.”

“What do you mean by that?” Virgil asked, almost sounding offended.

“It is only logical that as time goes on, you develop. Life evolves, and I have to admit, as much as this small town has grown, it is still a small town, and you are bright Virgil. I can not help but see you go far beyond this place. This world could use a mind like yours.” Logan’s voice held a hint of melancholy, eyes never straying from the stars.

“So, you’re saying I’d just jump ship on this town and never come back?”

“Well, not exactly-” Logan attempted to backtrack.

“That’s what it sounds like, but honestly, I enjoy it here. It’s quiet, it’s fun here during the summer and no one else that lives here knows how to manage the library properly or the museum. So, it’s safe to say that I’ll be here for some time. Plus, I’d like to see Halley’s Comet too.”  Virgil smiled, fixing the hood on his jacket.

“I just do not want to see you stuck here like me,” Logan admitted. “As I said, I don’t really get lonely, but I do know that it has been a long time for me. And I am worried I may never be able to leave. I do not want that for you.”

Virgil was quiet for a moment before replying. “Logan, you know I can’t get stuck here like you. I’m alive, your…” Virgil trailed off for a moment, Logan unable to look away from the stars, hummed a low note.

“I promise I won’t get stuck here. If an opportunity pops up, and I’ll let you know if I plan to move, okay?” Logan nodded. “And even if I do move, I’ll make sure to be here with you for the comet.”

“When is the next date again?”

“I think it’s around 2061, every 75- 76 years. So, another 40 years or so till it’ll be here. Not that long in the scheme of time.”

“That would be nice, to not be here, and finally get some rest.” Logan said quietly, almost whispering into the quiet night.

“Yes, it would, wouldn’t it? I can’t imagine how long it has been for you.”

“Nor could have I if I were in your shoes. I do not really get lonely, but being alone for a long time can, mess with someone’s thinking. I do not know how sane I would be anymore if you had not seen me. It is easy to drift and loose yourself if there is nothing to ground you.”

“I’m glad I didn’t freak-out, and that’s what friends are for, keeping each other sane.”

“You consider us friends?” Logan sounded perplexed at the idea.

“Well, yah, why not? We talk, we hang out, social peers as you would probably say.”

“I suppose we do fit the criteria for friends. But answer me this one question please.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“You have more than just me as a friend, correct? Other people you socialise with?”

“Where did that question come from? I called you my friend?”

“Virgil, you are avoiding the question.”

“Well, I guess I do. There’s Remy. They work at the café on Main street.  And I guess there’s Dee, he, well. He’s more of an acquaintance than anything. Why do you wonder?”

“It is the middle of winter, end of the year, and holidays, you do celebrate, do you?” Virgil half shrugged; Logan took that for his answer. “And I just wanted to know that you had family to spend time with. Or at least will not be completely alone for the few days.”

“Oh,” Virgil trailed off, the wind blew and he shivered, clouds could be seen on the far horizon. They gathered low, dark and brooding. “I heard on the forecast that there’s supposed to be a storm rolling in, and it might get cold enough to actually snow. Instead of freezing rain and sleet.” Virgil started on the new topic.

“Really, that would be an interesting phenomenon to see.” Logan replied.

“It would cloud over the sky though. You wouldn’t be out to see it.”

“Maybe it will last long enough for me then, stay frozen on the ground.”

“You still can’t see it that way either though. I’ll take a photo for you, and show you it then.”

“Yes, that would be nice. Photography is such a wonder. Your time has surprised me in more than one way.”

“Ya, I guess it has.” Virgil stayed till the clouds rolled in and Logan was no longer there.

He shivered all the walk home.

~*~

The storm hit hard early morning. Enough that the roads were horrendous to drive and it was way to slippery to walk. For a place that never received snow that often, four inches of white wet frozen snow halted the town, especially with a hidden ice rink under the fluff.

Virgil took many photos for Logan. I looked like a frozen wonderland, with snow and ice stuck to everything. By the time the clouds cleared away for an empty night sky, ten days has passed. The snow had gone to mush, mostly frozen piles of ice and scraped up dirt and leaves from shovels were left.

Logan said the photos were aesthetically pleasing as Virgil held up his phone in front of his gaze.

~*~

It rained over the holidays. Virgil wished he could have visited Logan this year.

~*~

New Years Eve had clear skies. The town was planning fireworks, to be set off from a barge in the pier, and everyone was planning to go to the boardwalks to watch.

Virgil went to the cliff. He packed a blanket to sit on, and a thermos full of coffee.

“Is it New Years already?” Logan asked from his spot as Virgil laid out the blanket. “Time goes so quick, yet so slow.”

“Yes, it is, they’re planning on setting off the fireworks at midnight, so not that long.”

“Fireworks, those are the colourful pyrotechnics, correct?”

“They sure are.” Virgil huffed a laugh at Logan’s wondering. “They’re setting them off from a barge just a little way in the water.”

“Why are you here then?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you not with your community? Should it not be more fun to view them with everyone else?” Logan sounded befuddled.

“Because I want to be with you, you are a part of the community, and you shouldn’t be alone.”

“I am not much more than a story Virgil. I do not know how much that makes me a part of the community.”

“Well, I think you are part of my community. If you’re a story as you say, then there’s no one better to be here than a librarian. Plus, the fireworks would be really cool to see from here, if nothing less.” Virgil shrugged. “How are you tonight, any resolutions?”

“I am the same as always Virgil, and I am not really in any position that I would be able to fulfill a resolution. But I know I can ask you the same. How are you, any resolutions?”

Virgil held back a laugh as Logan parroted his phrasing back at him. “I guess I’m okay. Funding for the library is a little tight right now, but the fiscal year end is coming soon, so a new budget should soon be proposed. Work stress is just being put on top of regular stress, and just a little more anxious than average, but its nothing worrisome right now. For resolutions, I guess darker eyeshadow? I’ve, I’ve been looking at stuff like that, trying to gain confidence and better self care. But I’m already doing that, so it’s not really a resolution, but more of a goal I’m working toward.”

“That sounds like a very well planned out goal, and I think you will be quite successful, since you are already perusing and actively working towards your goal.”

“Thanks, teach, that’s nice to hear from someone else.”

“You are welcome, you do not-” A pop and bang interrupted Logan, bright colours from the fireworks lighting up the sky beside the stars as they shot up before fizzing out. Cheers and music could be heard echoing off the water from the docks.

Virgil quickly checked his phone, 12 on the dot. “Happy New Years Logan.”

“Happy New Years Virgil, I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“Is the custom of kissing a loved one still in practice?”

“Yes, it is. Thinking of someone?”

“In a sort. He is now long gone, and I never really understood the wants of passion, but I miss greatly his company.”

“You never really have talked about your life before.”

“I honestly do not recall much. Being as I am, there is not much of me left to remember. I knew I left for research, to study the new land and stars, and that I said I would be back, but time has faded memories a lot. I know I liked his smile, and I thought his eyes were pretty, but I can no longer remember his face. O think sometimes, that if I had not met you Virgil, I would have been long gone a while ago, wandering, and lost. Even recently, I find myself forgetting integral parts of who I was. It is quite disconcerting to say the least.”

“Hey, its okay if your lost, I was lost once too, in a way. Not like you, but still lost, and I had people to help me. I’ll be here to help you; life sucks a lot less now.”  

“That is very kind of you to say, thank you.”

“No problem, I’ll always be here to help.” Virgil replied, sitting beside Logan, watching the stars while everyone celebrated down below.

~*~

The rest of the winter faired a lot nicer, the occasional rain melted away the rest of the snow piles, and Virgil made trips up to the cliff as he could at night when the skies were clear enough for Logan to be there.

Today, grey clouds arrived late afternoon, bringing scattered drizzles and Virgil was disappointed.

He finished reading the last book the other day, and he was excited for the new read, getting into some writing by Steven Hawking, but that won’t happen till the skies cleared. Which made enough time for Virgil to visit one of the two cafés in town.

“Bonjour!”  Remy called from behind the counter. “The usual Virgil?”

“Hello,” Virgil responded with his own greeting. “No, actually. Just a mug of hot chocolate, please.”

“What? No coffee this time? Girl, what’s happenin’ to you?” they laughed.

“Dunno, I feel like I might get to sleep earlier in to night today.” He said as he found change to pay for the drink.

“So, no three am treks to the cliff tonight then? What do you do out there anyways? I know I stay out late sometimes and wander the town, but that cliff is a hecka weird place.” Remy moved behind the counter once he ringed in the price, steaming milk and mixing the ingredients. Virgil just shrugged his shoulders.

“Its more like 12 o’clock walks, and I just read, watch the stars, play music, not much really.”

They shook their head as they handed over the finished drink, whipped cream drizzled with chocolate and confetti sprinkles finished it off. “Even with all the stories of ghosts and kind folk, you still go up there. I swear, one day you’ll go up and never come back down.”

“I haven’t disappeared yet, but if I do, I’ll let you know, kay?” Virgil smirked.

Remy glared. “That doesn’t even make any sense, that sentence!”

“You just don’t see the world like I do. I’d let you know if I’m gone.”  Virgil picked up the mug with a gesture, saying thank you, effectively ending the conversation and finding a comfy seat by the window, watching the rain drip down outside.

~*~  

The weather had warmed up greatly, and plants were starting to green up. The slow transition from winter to spring was starting.

Virgil got a couple more nights with Logan in, and he left him with a smile and a promise for tomorrow night to finish the chapter they were currently in the middle of. On the way home, night lit by stars and the moon, he saw a prairie crocus peeking out of the small green leaves that nestled the purple petals. The first flower of spring. Virgil knew he wouldn’t see the Ghost again till next winter. He wasn’t sad, he’d see Logan again next year, but this also meant that he’d see another friend he had not seen in a year.

A Fae’s Tale

Virgil forced himself to wake up way early, just after sunrise, getting a scant few hours in.

It would be worth it.

He packed his backpack with a blanket and a small stuffed dog, and a lunch bag packed with honey, apples, sliced cheese and crackers, just enough for a small snack for two.

The walk up to the cliff was a little nippy, the wind giving a cool breeze off the ocean. It was pretty out now that the sun had risen and early morning gulls were starting to squawk and call about.

He found Patton like he always did, crouched over a purple crocus that was peeking out from the dried grass. Their attention was solely focused on the first bloom of spring as he walked around the ring of rocks to the largest one at the crest of the cliff, right beside where Logan usually stood. Virgil set down his bag, small smile creeping over his face as he watched Patton and called out to him.

“Hi Patton.” The response was immediate as they looked up. Large smile bright and rosy, and cheeks kissed with freckles by the early morning sun. They bounced up and bounded over to the edge of the ring, almost stepping over but gracefully catching themselves before they did.

“Hi Kiddo! Long time no sea, right?” they giggled out, and from the closer distance he could see each freckle and smell the waft of fresh strawberries and wet grass, earthy and simple and it always made Virgil forget what he was going to say next. Patton was just, different.

“Uhh, ya, since, since the last day of spring, right?” Virgil stammered out, and he saw their bright smile fall. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

“Yes! You didn’t laugh at my pun! Long time no sea, sea, like the water behind you, and I saw you after a long while. You’re no fun if you don’t get my jokes!” they pouted.

“Oh. Oh!” Virgil gasped in realization. “I get it now. That was a really clever one. It went right over my head. Do you accept my apology?” He asked. He watched Patton tilt their head thoughtfully, fluff of golden hair falling over their honey brown and emerald green eyes. A moment passed before the sun returned their smile. “Of course! Apology accepted. I wouldn’t want anything happening to my favourite human, would I?” they teased, bouncing up and down in place on their toes. Virgil hoped they were teasing at the last statement, sometimes it was difficult to tell what was supposed to be a joke and what was actual talk. He smiled and nodded anyways.

“Since it really has been quite some time, and its your first day of spring, I thought I would visit you for a little bit, till I have to go to work at 9. I’ll have to leave in a little bit, but would you care for some breakfast with me? But if you want to, that is, as friends?” he asked carefully, experience making it easy to step around and follow the rules.

Patton’s smile relaxed. “Oh, I would be delighted.”

Virgil pulled out the lunch bas and they both sat down at the rock like at a dining table. The tense air dispersed as formalities were met. Virgil pulled out the food, mixing and matching the toppings on the crackers.

Patton giggled as they picked up a cracker with all three toppings placed on top, it sounded like bells chiming in the wind. “Your foods are always so interesting and funny. But they’re still good.” They ate the cracker in one bite.

“What’s so funny about my food? I thought you liked cheese.” Virgil asked as he chose his own cracker snack.

“Oh, I do love cheese, don’t worry about that,” they picked up a few slices and ate them to prove that point, smile a bit sharper than should normally be. “But its funny how you get it. Apples aren’t in season yet, and the honey isn’t from the local flowers. Its just. Funny.” They shrugged a shoulder and picked up another cracker.

“I guess it is funny in a way, but that’s how everyone had food these days. I go to work at the library and earn money, and I use that money to pay for things I need, like food. And those who make food makes a lot of it so we all have some all year long, till it grows again.” Virgil answers.

“I know that, silly. We have markets too, but the food is always in season, and stuff never goes to waste, and we don’t put it in silly boxes like you guys do either. Its funny, those who make your food are very silly.”

Virgil nodded. “Ya, they are really silly,” he picked up a cracker, and then put it back down, somewhat fiddling with how the apple slice and cheese were layered on top of each other.

“Did I say something wrong now?” he could here Patton’s smile fall again. Virgil glanced up and their eyes were looking right at him, he couldn’t not tell the truth.

“No, you didn’t, it just reminds me that there’s not much I can do to stop other people from being, silly, with stuff as important as food, and it’s a lot to talk about on such little sleep.”

“Oh, I apologise-” Patton spoke.

“Already forgiven.” Virgil replied before they had even finished.

“And why then, do you have such little sleep?” Patton’s sweet-sounding voice asked.

“I- I stayed up really late last night, but I also woke early to see you, so, so I didn’t get much sleep.” His words felt like they were sliding out of his mouth.

“Aww, that is so kind of you, kiddo, but I’d really rather you have a good night’s sleep and feel good the rest of the day than not feel good at all. You humans need sleep to keep healthy, right?” their voice was like sweet cinnamon rolls and honey dripping. He nodded his head earnestly. Patton’s smile returned sharply. “Okay then, can you promise me that you’ll do better to get a good night’s sleep?”

“I- I don’t-” Virgil tried to blink the fogginess out of his eyes, the world cleared up around him a little bit.

“Oh, please Vee, for Me?” their smile was a little to sharp looking.

“I’m sorry, I can’t make any promises, you know what Patton.” Virgil leaned back, rubbing the magic out of his eyes.

Patton seemed to deflate a little, shoulders sagging. “But I want you to be happy. You are so tired that my pun flew over your head. That’s not happy. You don’t feel happy at all right now.” Their voice had lost its syrupy sweetness.

“No, its not, but it's also promising to do something that I know I can’t keep. I don’t get sleep easily sometimes, even if I want it.” Virgil sighed, his own shoulders sinking.

“That’s no fun at all.” Patton pouted.

“No, its not.” Virgil agreed. “I can’t promise you anything, but I can say that I’ll try to do better though, get back on an early bedtime schedule, okay?”

Their smile returned and Patton nodded. “Those words are good for now.”

“What was that voice thing you did Patton?” Virgil asked.

“Voice thing?”

“Ya, when your voice-” A sharp buzzing ring interrupted Virgil and they both jumped at the alarm. Virgil fumbled to pull his phone out of his pocket, silencing the alarm. “I have to go now; I start work in half an hour.” He moved to pack away the unused snacks. He left the finished crackers where they were though. Virgil was just about to stand up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder when Patton called out.

“Wait! I think I have something better than just words.” They took a moment, looking around at the purple crocuses near the rock, and plucked one, the delicate stem held between their fingers and then tucked behind his ear when Patton beckoned Virgil to lean forward. His purple dyed hair complementing the flower, and Patton pecked a quick kiss on his forehead. “There, now you’ll have a good day, and a good night’s rest, okay?” Patton beamed.

“I can’t make any promises, but I can try my best.” Virgil answered, smile playing across his own lips.

“That’s all I ask for!” Virgil stood up. He knows he has to leave now or else the would both get stuck talking and laughing with each other.

The rest of the day went pleasantly well, despite his lack of sleep. And the flower did not wilt one bit. Virgil fell asleep easily and early that night.

~*~  

Waking up the next morning was easy, even if the sun was rising earlier each day.

He only had the stuffed puppy he forgot to give on hand today as he made his walk up. The ring of rocks was empty when Virgil made it to the top of the cliff. All the crackers he left were gone. He placed the stuffed dog on the rock. He sat and watched gulls fly around and squawk at the waves and at the docks below the cliff for a while.

His phones alarm buzzed and he left for the library.

~*~

The purple flower still hadn’t wilted, and Virgil still had an almost to easy time falling asleep. The consistent sleep schedule really helped easy the dark shadows under his eyes, even though they didn’t fully go away. The stuffed animal was gone the next morning when Virgil arrived, even though there were no traces of Patton having been there.

The next couple days were the same. Virgil walked up to the cliff with no Patton there.

~*~

The flower was completely dried the next morning, wilted and brown. That piqued Virgil’s attention, and he was glad it was his day off. Virgil packed his backpack with the usual snacks and a blanket, and made his way to the cliff. The sun was bright early morning, a couple puffy white clouds whisked across the sky with the breeze carrying the salty smell of the ocean and the sweet perfume of the blooms that had sprouted up all over the field the cliff supported.

Patton was in their circle looking at the flowers that had sprouted up all around, wild daisies, lilies and other flowers he couldn’t identify were in all different stages of popping up from the ground, sprigs of green between dried brown.

“Hello Patton!” He called out causing them to look up. A bright smile stretched across their face.

“Hi Vee! Its lily to see you again!” they called out, skipping up to the large rock. Virgil noticed the crown of flowers weaved through their curly hair, it looked really cute on them.

“It’s lovely to see you again also Patton.” Virgil replied, catching the word play. Patton bounced and clapped their hands.

“Yay! You got it! It’s always a lot more fun when you get my puns.” Virgil sat down, prompting Patton to do the same, they immediately leaned forward, propping their head in their hands. “How are you?” they asked.

“Pretty okay, my sleep has been mostly consistent, the flower has wilted though, but it was nice while it lasted. Work has been annoying though. My co-worker Dee has not been helpful at all this past week, we are doing inventory and checking the condition of the stacks, and he’s not really doing a good job of it. And I don’t know if its because he doesn’t know how to do it properly or if he just does not like this work or if he’s mad at me for some reason, and it’s just, frustrating. Some of the assistants are complaining too and so… it’s just a small mess.” Virgil vented, running out of steam at the end. Patton didn’t blink the entire time, focused on Virgil.

“I thought something was feeling sad, want me to help?”

“No thank you Patton, there isn’t much anyone can do about this.”

“Don’t say that Kiddo! There is a lot you can do, even without my help! I can feel that this is making you frustrated, and it’s making you not happy in a place that usually has you feeling content. Let me help?” Patton’s voice took a honey hint at that last sentence.

“Well, I, Uh-” Virgil stuttered.

“Please, I can help make it better, but only if you let me, and let me help you.” Patton’s smile was gentle and their words sounded like caramel.

“I, I- No, I can’t let you Patton.” Virgil shook his head, clearing away the fuzziness. “And you got to stop that speech thing your doing.”

“Speech thing?” Patton sounded confused, and the sweetness to their words were gone.

“Yes, where whatever you say sounds so good, like candy, or something soft and it makes my head feel so weird, I don’t like it at all. And for the work thing, it stays that, a work thing. If it goes on any longer, I’ll talk to him and if that doesn’t resolve anything then I’ll be asking the director and we’ll sort it out from there. Okay?” Virgil explained.

“Ohh, okay.” Patton agreed. “I’ll leave your work thing alone.” That was the closest Virgil was ever going to get for a promise from Patton. “The word thing, its something I learned recently actually. It would translate to your language as ‘silver tongue’, it’s just a, really persuasive way of talking to others, I guess.” Patton tried to explain.

“Oh, that does make sense in a way, but it makes me feel really uncomfortable when you use it.”

“So, you don’t want me using it on you then?” They asked

“Yes,” Virgil nodded. “that is a firm boundary there. I’m just curious though, what can silver tongue all persuade a person to do?”

“Oh, lots of things Kiddo. Lots of other folk use it to ask for people's names, or to convince them to dance with them and other little things like that.” Patton shrugged a shoulder, leaning back from the rock.

“Oh, but you already know my name, so why use it?” Virgil sounded confused.

“I know that I have your name, but you can use it for more than just asking for a name, like asking permissions to help with something, especially if the person is stubborn and won’t accept help. Or you could be able to help calm someone down, by convincing them to not be angry, or to not be worried or scared. Lots of things. And I thought that if you were feeling really, really sad, that I could help you feel nicer for a bit. But you don’t like the feel of it so I won’t do it on you. I’d like you to be happy, but when you feel like it.” they extrapolated.

“Okay, that does sound really useful.”

“And that’s why I wanted to help! You could get Dee to not be a problem, and then you wouldn’t be sad.”

“You said you would not interfere, and I still do not want you to be involved either, lets just drop this topic, okay?”

“Okay, I won't bug you about it anymore.” Patton agreed.

“Thankyou,” Virgil pulled out his phone, it was only a few hours left till noon. “Do you just want to lay back and watch the clouds? I brought a blanket and I could use the relaxation.”

“Sure, you always make up such interesting shapes.” Virgil pulled out the blanket from his backpack and unfolded it with a toss, the fabric parachuting into a ruffled pile. Patton giggled and dragged the corner that landed on his side out, fitting the blanket half and half between the rocks.  

They laid out side by side, and Virgil sighed as just the waves splashing below filled the air with sound besides the gull’s cries. It was peaceful. And if he dozed off for a bit under the sun, and woke up just after noon with no Patton in sight, and another crocus tucked behind his ear, that was okay.

~*~

One morning it was raining and Virgil held an umbrella all the way up the cliff. Patton was dancing, practically frolicking around in the falling water and grass that swayed in the wind. It was a beautiful sight, and even though he had to refuse their offer to dance Virgil still got wet spinning and jumping around in the wet. The spring flowers seemed to dance alongside them.

~*~

Virgil didn’t realize but Patton’s humming was like silver, in a good way though. It was glistening and smooth, and very, very pretty. He barely twitched as a new section of his hair was taken up and moved, locks of purple dyed strands being braided and weaved with the stems of the assorted wild flowers around them. Patton naming each and every one of them and speak singing the good properties and meanings each bloom meant, soft and gentle in between the lilting and wandering notes.

Sometimes, when Virgil payed enough attention, Patton’s humming sounded familiar, the wandering tunes echoing melodies of old songs sang by generations ago. Lullaby’s and folk tunes that were almost forgotten, but were remembered enough for festivals. Most times though, the music would sit in his ear, snippets of phrases and measures collected there till he wrote them down and plunked them out on his ukulele. Sometimes the music was nice, sometimes, it was better left played once.

Patton giggled, and Virgil cracked open one eye, seeing the bright eyes sparkle and freckles that splatter across their cheeks over top of him as he was reclined over the rock. He raised his brow, a silent ponder asked.

They shook their head, smile bright with another giggle. “Oh, its nothin’ kiddo! You just look so cute! Just good enough to gobble up!” they giggled again, and they caught the concerned look on Virgil. “Oh, don’t worry, I won’t eat you, you’re safe from being eaten, I’d rather my favorite human be beside me, than inside of me.”

It took a moment for Virgil to find his voice. “Well… that’s comforting.”

“It is! Oh, I’m glad! Your flower crown is almost done, just lean back again and then you’ll match me!”

Virgil leaned back and closed his eyes against the bright mid morning sun. It was another few moments until the hands let up.

“Okay, you’re done, and you look so cute! Do you like it?” they asked.

Virgil sat up carefully, not wanting to mess up their hard work. He pulled out his phone and swiped to the camera. The white, light pink and purple toned flowers blended well with his dark brown and dyed purple colours, it really was beautiful. “This, this is really great. I love the colours; they go well with yours.” Patton’s flowers were mostly bright pink and yellow with the occasional blue bloom peaking through. It was quite an ethereal sight really, with the way the suns light lit up their cheeks and made their curly hair shimmer.

“Now since you have a crown, you can be a princess beside me, or a lord, what would your place be? For your gender, what are the words again?”

Virgil laughed lightly, finding the question humorous. “I don’t think I’d have a place of any significance, let alone be a prince, Patton.”

“Oh, don’t be silly! You’d be super important! You have all these stories and you always bring really neat stuff. You’d be a story keeper, and the lil’ ones would come up to you asking about the human world and you would explain it so well. Your important kiddo! Super important!”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I’m not so sure…” Virgil ducked his head, trying to hide away the blush that was creeping across his cheeks.

“Well, I am very sure that you are important, since you are important to me. The court would love you; you could play your music for us and I’d get to dance with you. And we could play the day away and you’d never have to worry about not getting enough sleep. Oh! And you’d get to try my food, once you taste it, I’m sure you’d never want to leave. What do you say?” Patton gushed, and Virgil was speechless for a moment.

“Wow, uh, that- that’s really flattering, and it sounds wonderful. But, Patton, you know I can’t go over with you. As much as I would like to, I have made my own commitments and promises that I can’t break. When would I come back if I left with you?” Virgil asked.

“Well, I guess if you wanted to, spring and autumn would work.” Patton answered.

“Why then?

“Because I’m spring, I’m able to be here because of spring, and autumn because that’s your season, it just fits. And that’s when we’d be able to come here, in the morning, and then the evening.”

“No summer and daytime, no winter and night?” Virgil implored.

Patton shook their head no.

Virgil sighed. “Maybe in a different time of my life, but I can’t say anything right now. I’m sorry.” He said softly, seeing how Patton’s smile morphed into a sad look.

“I know,” they replied. “It’s just that I don’t want to lose you. You humans are so fragile and delicate and I can’t stand the idea of me not being able to help you. Sometimes, when you come, you feel so sad. And its really heavy like a storm cloud overtop or like a deep weight on your chest, and no matter how many puns I make your smiles don’t reach your eyes and your laughs are hollow. And then that makes me sad, and it stays that way for weeks until you feel better. Sometimes you are angry, or frustrated. Sometimes that’s at other people, but its also directed towards yourself, and you just make yourself feel worse. I don’t want that for you. Please don’t cry, if you cry, then I’ll cry, and that won’t make you happy.” Patton pouted, moving to reach over the rock between them, but Virgil was sat back just far enough away out of Patton’s reach.

Virgil shook his head; his sweaters sleeves bunched over his hands and was wiping away the tears that tracked down his cheeks. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“No, don’t be sorry, I made you cry, I never want you to cry.” Patton implored.

“It’s not your fault, I’m the one here that’s emotionally constipated and has a messed-up brain chemistry. General social anxiety can really mess over a person. It’s not your fault.”

“But I said stuff that made you cry!”

“But its things that are true. I am sad a lot of the time. I get so anxious at the thought of interacting with people, and then when I do interact with people, I’m not familiar with, I always mess up. But I know I could be doing better and I know I can do better, but it doesn’t always go well. So yes, I am frustrated at myself, and there are people at work that are not always the best to work with, and its very draining and my spoons for social interaction gets eaten up so quick its ridiculous. You just, reminded me of the truth that I try to forget sometimes, and I forget it easily when I’m up here. It was just… a small shock, I guess you could say.” Virgil fiddled with his hoodie’s sleeves, finding dry spots and rubbing away the salty tears as they escaped from his eyes. Patton had their own tears falling from their eyes. They held their arms out motioning for Virgil to get closer, as they moved to sit on their edge of the rock. Virgil sat down mirroring Patton.

“Oh kiddo, why didn’t you let me know before? I can help with that type of stuff, all you needed was to ask.”

“The thing is though Patton, I can’t ask for your help. I hate to say it but that the truth. I can’t rely on someone to fix all of my problems for me. I need to work on it myself if I want to truly get better, and be able to keep being better.”

“You have those other people helping your brain make the proper things, what is so different to me than that?”

“Other people?” Virgil was confused at the wording.

“Ya, you said one time that they had to check up on you, or that you were going to check up with them.” Patton tired to explain better.

“Oh, doctors, you mean doctors. They tell me how I am able to help myself, and help me get to a functional level, which is what my medication does. And if I stop the medication I fall back, they don’t do it for me, they just help me get there. I have to work at getting better, it doesn’t just happen for me.” Virgil explained, and Patton’s face just looked crumpled, they sniffed.

“That’s no fair, you humans are so silly sometimes. When someone in court gets sick, we have all the different types of magic that helps them get better really soon. You should be able to get better really soon also, and not have to work really hard to do it.”

“I hate to say it, but that’s the way it is right now. We have to work hard to get a lot of things better right now.”

“I hear you; I just want to help you though.”

“You do help me though.”

“I do?” Patton sounded hopeful at that statement.

“Of course. You make me laugh with your puns, and smile when there’s a good joke or you being happy. I forget about worry and stress and stupid work things when I’m up here, and I visit you. I enjoy your company, and seeing you does make my day go nicer. You’re my friend, and just that alone helps me.” Patton smiled, and it was like a weight over them was lifted off their chests. Patton leaned towards Virgil and Virgil leaned towards them, meeting in the middle of the rock, shoulder to shoulder.

“I am very happy to hear that I am able to help now, and just to let you know, any flowers picked from this cliff will stay pretty for you, okay?”

“Oh, uh, okay.” Virgil nodded, drying the last of the tear tracks on his cheeks.

~*~

The first true thunderstorm of the season happened at night, glass windows reverberating and rattling with the force of the soundwaves. Virgil sat by his bedroom window and watched the downpour hit the earth. The spring blooms and the sweet-smelling buds off his apple tree disappeared under the rains force. Lightning flashes illuminated the world for split seconds, and he wondered how Patton would dance to such percussive beats if he was here during the night. He wondered if Patton would be there in the morning with all the flowers almost gone.

~*~

“Is there any more cheese Vee?” Patton asked through a mouthful of aforementioned cheese and crackers.

“I’m pretty sure you ate the majority of it today.” Virgil replied, lifting his backpack to look inside. He shook his head. “Nope, there is none left.”

“Aww, you should bring even more next time.”

“Pat, that was a 500-gram block of cheese, you do understand that cheese costs money, right?”

“Sure, I do kiddo! You have money, you said that’s how you guys work your markets, right?”

“Yes, but it’s not that simple. Cheese is expensive, I have to pay a lot of money to not get much actual cheese in exchange. It takes a lot of time and work to make good cheese and for me to get it, I need to pay for that.”

“Oh, that seems weird, anybody should be able to get nice stuff, and not for those who have a lot and can buy it. anybody should be able to pay for it.”

“I know, that is… something we humans really need to work on.”

“Then why don’t you humans work on it?”

“Because those who have the money for the nice stuff are also usually the ones who are influential to the rule makers and are also able to make rules, so its not easy to work on it when some people don’t want it to change.”

“Oh…”

“Yah,”

“Then why don’t you do it?” Patton asked, scooping honey onto an apple slice.

“Me? Why do you say that!?” Virgil replied shocked at Patton’s statement.

“Why wouldn’t you be? You’re special, you’d get lots of people listening to you and then you’d fix stuff, and then you’d be able to buy more cheese.”

“Patton, it, doesn’t work like that. It would take so much work, so many people to go through, and lots of them have money, and I really don’t. I’m just a librarian from a small port town, practically a tourist trap, no one would listen to me.”

“If you keep saying bad things about yourself, I’m gonna fight you! You’re a story keeper kiddo, that so important! But more importantly, you are a storyteller, and you know what, those who tell stories gets to make them. Those who make the stories, and tell the stories get to change the story how ever they want too, so that it ends how they want it. Tell your story how you want it to be Vee!” Patton replied brightly, big smile on their face as they munched down on the apple slice.

Virgil shook his head, a look of disbelief on his face. “It just does not work like that Patton.”

“Why can’t it?”

“Because!”

“Because why?”

“I don’t know? Societies stupid!”

“Then change your society.”

“Its not that simple!”

“Why can’t it be?”

“I don’t know! It just is!”

“I don’t know why you keep doubting me kiddo, you’re special, you can do this stuff.” Patton looked and sounded irritated. Virgil let out a low breath, trying to calm down from the heated exchange.

“Why do you keep calling me special? I’m just a librarian.” Virgil spoke up after a long moment of silence, voice low and doubtful.

“I don’t know why you keep saying that you aren’t.”

“It’s because I’m not special! That’s why!”

“That’s not what I see.” They implored.

“What do you see then?” Virgil huffed, crossing his arms and leaning back.

“When I look, I see one who can see more than what a usual person does. Understands that life is beyond what people think, and for all the worries that grip your heart and play with your mind, you do not let them corral you. You still walk the land and give balance to your season.”  Patton said seriously, not looking away from Virgil. Eyes seeming to look deeper than just his appearance.

Virgil broke the eye contact, ducking his head. “Wow, that was not what I was expecting.”

“What were you expecting then?”

“I don’t know, something like how I’m ambitious, or charismatic or a ‘natural-born-leader’ or something similarly stupid like that, the things teachers give out on report cards.”

“Those things don’t really matter actually, it’s the life inside you that counts, and your life is so special and wonderful, and I want you to be happy.”

Virgil shook his head. “I don’t know if I believe that right now Patton.”

“Believe what part of it?” they asked.

“The part where I’m special. Ya I see the ghost the here during the winter and I semi regularly affiliate with the kind folk, and I have not yet been eaten, so I’m lucky in that sense. I don’t think that’s special, it’s just normal for me.” Virgil shrugged his shoulders, not really sure what else to say.

Patton smiled, soft and light. “That’s okay, I guess thinking yourself normal is easier than being special. I’m glad you believe that I want you happy, because your working hard for your happiness and you deserve it.”

Virgil nodded; a small smile appeared.

Patton hummed, and changed the topic. “Do you want to dance?” they asked.

Virgil looked up, “You know I can’t dance.”

“I know you can dance, but you can’t dance with me. But that’s not what I’m asking.”

“Then what are you asking?”

“I’m asking if you want to dance. Do you want to dance?” Patton asked, “Not with me, but beside me instead. I know you can’t come inside the ring, but you don’t have to, to dance with me.”

“Are you sure?” Virgil asked.

“Of course, we can go toe to toe, my side and your side, and dance. Just one dance, please?” they asked.

“As long as I don’t step inside, okay?”

“Okay.” Patton agreed.

They both stood up and stepped close, each on their own sides of the ring and joined hands. It was a little bit awkward with no proper music, but Patton giggled and Virgil had a blush creeping across his cheeks. They started humming, sweet and lilting, melody floating through the air and they stepped side to side, swaying back and forth in spot. Just like high schoolers on their first dance. It was a sweet moment, until Virgil’s alarm rang, cutting through Patton’s humming startling them both out of the dance.

“You have to leave?” they asked.

“Yes, I need to get going, if I stay any longer, I’ll be late, and I don’t really want that.” I’ll see you later, okay?” Virgil bent down, and picked up his backpack and the garbage from the snacks leaving the assembled crackers on the rock.

Gulls cawed as he made his way, waving to Patton, who was left standing at the border from there broken dance.

~*~

Virgil laid a paper on the table beside Dee in the breakroom. I was not a surprise that he was in the breakroom. He glanced up from his phone.

“Can I help you?” Dee did not sound interested in his offer one bit.

“No, not really anymore. I’m just here to let you know that three employees have filled out grievance reports against you, and I just finished filling out one. The director will be following up on the reports, and so if you want to keep this job, you better get your act in gear.”

“What? Are you serious?” that got his attention, he was still trying to look casual but failing with the concern showing in his eyes.

“Of course, I am serious. Why would I lie about something like this? Its not like my dog died, even though I don’t have a dog.”

Dee just glared as he picked up the paper, scanning the sheet with seeming disinterest. “I hardly see a reason to make such a big fuss about this. A couple days late, and I called in for a few yes, but aren’t we allowed a couple days here and there, anyways?”

“We’re allotted those days for when we are sick, or have family emergencies, or other similar events. Not because you feel like you don’t want to work that day.” Virgil took back the page. “I really hope the director is throughout in her follow up. And your break has been done for the past 25 minutes, and I know the books wont re-shelf themselves.” Virgil turned and left the break room, hiding his shaking hands and trembling shoulders. He could have a mini breakdown in his office before having to go back onto the floor. He breathed and counted to 4,7,8, trying to recall the melody Patton hummed earlier during their dance.

~*~

Patton didn’t show up the next week, and the blazing sun decided it was time to start raising temperatures. All the trees blooms were gone, and summer was here.

A Player’s Play

Summer came in strong over the course of a couple days. The rain had made the grass green and leaves were starting to bush out on shrubs and trees. The nights never got to cold anymore and the days were growing much longer, and the sandy beach just outside of town proper began to be populated during the weekends and warm afternoons. But what signaled to Virgil that summer was here was the construction of the outdoor stage in the square, just across from the library. The festivals and summer tourist attractions the town put on always included theater, which also meant that the theater company would be arriving soon. And with that, the arrival of someone not seen in a year’s time.

It was noon, bright and warm with a slight breeze ruffling the trees leaves. Virgil was spending his lunch break watching the stage curtains be hung and attached when a van pulled up and parked.  He couldn’t help the excitement and small smile when he recognised a few of the faces that stepped out of the vehicle. And he couldn’t help the large smile when he saw Roman step out of the van, bright and laughing.  

He looked around for a moment, pulling sunglasses on under the suns warm light, he paused when his gaze met Virgil’s, and it seemed like forever they looked at each other after such a long time apart. As if the actor could no longer spend a second apart, he ran across the square.

“Virgil,” He called out once he got closer, stopping short of landing on the librarian. Virgil stood and let Roman engulf him in a brief but welcomed hug. “Virgil, hi! Its been forever, hasn’t it?”

‘Hi Roman, its been a year, like it always had been.” He shrugged.

“Yes, a year, but years can be measured in many ways, and I feel like I have missed to many moments with you already, to many cups of coffee not shared, and I do not want to waste any now that we are here together.” Roman replied.

“Wait, is that a /Rent/ reference?” Virgil laughed, “You nerd.”

“I have to admit it is, but its theater geek to you, you emo.”

“I’m not that emo, just enough so I don’t offend the old people and I don’t scare away the kids.”

“I guess you go the position, then?”

“Yah, I did, just two weeks after you left last summer actually. Its- its been different, but nice. A little more pay, a little more freedom with my schedule. Its still work though, and there’s still a lot to stress about sometimes, but I’m getting better at managing and all that stuff. How about you?”

“Oh, not much really, I’m still here again. A few auditions that went okay, a few that didn’t, a callback that didn’t line up. You know, the usual stuff. It sounds like you have it pretty stable here though.”

“Ya, I guess, I-”

“Hey Roman!” One of the cast members called across the square, they both turned to look. “Come get you luggage, lover boy! We’re checking in soon!”

“Lover boy?” Virgil questioned, crossing his arms.

Roman laughed, that’s just Val, don’t worry about her, she’s practically a sister to me. And like any good sibling, teasing is abound to happen.”

“Okay, but don’t let me hold you up, I don’t want you getting into any more trouble that you already do.”

“Excuse me, I do not get into trouble, as a noble prince I am always on my best.”

“So, you’re a prince then?”

“Yes, and also a knight, and a townsperson. A couple different things this year. I think you’ll like the plays we put on this season.”

“I can’t wait to see them, but you better go.”

“Yes, I should, where will I be able to find you?”

“Where I’m always found. My lunch break is done soon also, would tomorrow work for you? In the evening, late afternoon?”

“I’ll make it work.” Roman answered and tuned, Virgil watched him walk across the square back to the van. Virgil went back inside.

~*~

It was late afternoon as Virgil walked up to the cliff. The sun was bright and the breeze as he crested the walking path was warm. The long grasses had finally greened after the spring rain and now late season wild flowers were starting to show their colours.

A flight of gulls took off from the beach below and he watched the swirling white spirals the birds flew as they settled, startled, and resettled on the sand below. Once again waiting till another little kid runs up and screams them into flight again.

Virgil settled on the rock, and watched the clouds drift by.

The sun was getting low when he heard the brushing step of someone walking through the grass, he turned and saw Roman. He was reminded of just how much a year can change a person.

Roman already seemed to have tanned a bit, lightly sun-kissed and he seemed more confident in the way he carried himself, shoulders strong but relaxed, a quiet confidence. And in looking at his shoulders, he seemed more well defined, muscles toned and strength added to them. Yet he was gentle with his every move, soft and doing his best to not crush and sprouting flowers. And the way his smile lit up his face and the way his eyes sparkled in the low sunlight, never changed.

Roman had always amazed him.

He sat down beside Virgil on the rock, and a settled quiet sat with them. They watched the sunset, purples and reds colouring the sky around them.

~*~

The stage was completely built, curtains and the lighting rigs were hung, and the backstage wings cordoned off from the sitting view of the audience. Virgil had a side view of the square from his office, his window showing a world that was a balance on two sides. One where the suspension of disbelief was held and the actors became the characters they portrayed, and the other side where masks fell off and everyone showed their true nature, it was a duality that enthralled him. it was a duality he wished he could play too also, but being able to see Roman rehearse was almost just as good.

He looked dashing in his prince costume, white fabric and red sash, gold details shining in the sunlight. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but he could see with the gestures and reactions from the princess on the stage and the rest of the crew, the words and scenes must be hilarious. Roman and the other actors did well to keep their faces on. Virgil glanced at the clock; he just had a half hour left.

He finished his tasks and clocked out, waving goodbye to the front desk people before exiting the cool air of the library to the warm air of outside. The afternoons breeze carrying the salty sent of the ocean and the leaves of the trees rustled. He made his way to the mainstage to the gate and followed it along till he got to the edge of the stage. Everyone now was in a circle, talking and people had scripts out taking notes and nodding along to who seemed to be the director.

He caught Romans eye was he glanced up, and the serious look he had melted for a moment, brief smile gracing his face before he focused back to the group. It was another few moments until they were dismissed and a couple more after that till Roman appeared from behind stage, back in his street clothes and sunglasses.

“Hey.” Virgil called.

“Wheat.” Roman called back with a laugh. Virgil shook his head and bumped his shoulders with Roman as they walked down the sidewalk even though the actor was a couple inches taller than him.

“Stop it, you know what I meant.”

“I know, I just like seeing you smile, bright as the sun, and your eyes twinkle like stars, and the small laugh that escapes sounds like wind chimes and beauty, just like you.” Roman complemented, nudging Virgil back.

“Oh, stop that, I’m nothing like that.” Virgil shook his head.

“On the contrary, I could describe a thousand things and they would not be as beautiful as you.” Roman cajoled, but he saw the sower turn of Virgil’s lips, a pinched expression showing. “Hey,” he said softer. “You know I just want you to be happy, right?” He saw Virgil nod. “Then can I ask you a question?”

“What question?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Trust in what?”

“I don’t know, do you trust me?”

“I guess I do, why?”

“Because trust me when I say that I really do want you to be happy and I hope that I am able, one day, to be beside you, helping you to be happy, and that if you want to, you’ll be by my side, just as I want to be by yours.” Roman brushed his hand against Virgil’s as they walked, and they let their fingers tangle together.

“That sounds like a lovely idea, I just don’t know if we’ll ever get there though.”

“I think we will, even if we ever only meet in the summer, we’ll still have each other if we don’t get anywhere else. Sometimes, I think about us, and if this is as far as we get, I think I’ll be content with that.”

“Really? No more grand gestures of romantic declaration?”

“Well, I wish for that, but if this is it, then that’ll be okay, because we made what we have work, and I won't trade that for anything else if that means not knowing you, cause you’re amazing, just the way you are.” Roman sang the last part of the sentence, cracking a smile out of Virgil.

“What, are you going to serenade me now? I thought the flattery was enough.”

“My dear, nothing is enough for you, why don’t you sing with me?”

“I- I, no, not here at least.”

“Do you still play the ukulele?” Roman asked.

Virgil nodded, “Ya, I still pick it up occasionally.”

“Then if you’re not comfortable singing, then we could duet, featuring you on your ukulele, and I can sing. I know there are a few good covers that transpose too the fingerings you need on the internet, if you’re up for that?”

Virgil shrugged, bumping shoulders once again with Roman. “Maybe. Hey, do you want some ice cream?” He asked, gesturing to the shop across the street.

Roman smiled and tugged their joined hands, Virgil was gladly pulled along.

~*~

It was a week later that Virgil found himself at the cliff again, plucking at the uke, staring at messy scribbles of cords and key progressions scribbled on loose leaf, a melody half developed as Virgil looked at it. the waves crashing below were a good white noise to fill the silence between the sounds. He put down the small instrument when he heard the steps of an approaching person.

He turned and saw Roman, picnic basket in hand, walking around the outside of the rock circle to him.

“I thought a mid-day lunch would be nice.” the actor called out, and Virgil beckoned him closer.

“Where did you get the basket from? And where’d you get all the stuff from?”

“I have my ways Virgil, and this small town has a decent grocery store despite its size,” Roman sat down beside Virgil. “I don’t get why people don’t like this cliff; it has an absolutely beautiful view.”

“There’s stories about this place, and small towns seem to not want to chance pissing off a ghost of disrespect the good folk.” Virgil answered.

“That is absolutely ridiculous,” Roman shook his head. “If you don’t want to piss anybody off, then just ask nicely, be respectful, and pick up your garbage after you. It’s not that hard.”

Virgil smiled at Romans answer. “I know, that’s that I do at least, but when people ask and I answer, they don’t seem to listen, even though I’m giving the answer.”

“I know, such a folly that people won’t believe what is outside of their comfort, but hey, at least we get to be here in peace.”

“I guess, what’s in the basket?”

“I’d thought you’d never ask,” Roman flipped the top up. “I got something simple, sandwiches, and a cooler bag full of popsicles. So, we better eat before the melt on us.”

“We could have just bought some on the way back, instead of having them melt.”

“I know, but I think we needed something cool for such a hot view.” Roman waggled his brows, getting a snicker out of Virgil who snatched a wrapped sandwich out of the actor’s hands.

“You are ridiculous.”

“And you love it. But I know, it’s an understood thing.”

~*~

“Mon amour, you are so beautiful today.” Roman said out of the blue.

“Hah! If you are going to speak French, go talk to Remy.” Virgil replied.

“Remy?”

“Ya, they work at the coffee shop on Main.”

“Gasp! Are you cheating on me?” Roman threw a theatrical hand against his chest.

“If cheating consists of me buying coffee, then yes. But I thought you had said it wouldn’t work between us.”

“I never said it wouldn’t, but that we should be open to possibilities around us.”

“Ah, I haven’t.”

“Haven’t what?”

“There’s been no other possibilities, there’s not really anybody else here.”

“Oh, … well, the same for me actually.”  Roman admitted.

“We are stuck, aren’t we?” Virgil asked.

Roman hummed and wrapped an arm around Virgil’s back. “I guess we are quite a pair, one day will be the right time, and we’ll figure ourselves out.”

“One day?” Virgil’s tone held disbelief, but also a little bit of hope.

“I promise, we’ll figure ourselves out.”

“I hope so, it gets lonely when you leave.”

“You do have other friends, right?” Roman asked. Virgil shrugged his shoulders.

“Some, I got Remy, others come and go too.”

“Oh,” It was quiet for a moment. “You’re still able to come to the play on Friday, right? You have the night off?”

“Yes, I’ll make it work.”

~*~

The evening was warm, it was always warm during the summer. The afternoons bright sun had bled out, spreading warm colours across the sky, painting the white clouds pink and throwing fire into the sky. It was perfect for seeing open air theater.

Virgil’s seat wasn’t the first row, but it wasn’t the back, but he knew that it was one of the good spots from the way Roman had smiled when he handed the ticket over. The play was a comedy, side splitting laughter echoed out through the square and even Virgil lost himself in the antics on stage. He cheered extra loud when it was Romans turn to bow before curtains.

~*~

Summer got busy. Really busy. Planning and arranging tours for the museum and scheduling events for the library seemed to be an everlasting job. Roman was busy in the afternoons preparing for the evening production, and before they knew it, the summer festival was in full swing wasn’t the small town was once again a tourist destination. The cliff still stayed empty, even when they were able to sneak off together on rare shared days off. Ice cream was usually melted and gone by the time they made their walk up.

~*~

Virgil had his head in Romans lap, the actor was resting his back against the rock, humming a melody that shifted and floated just as much as his own wandering fingers on his ukulele. Virgil had his eyes closed so he didn’t see Romans expression as he let out a sigh at the end of a phrase. He stopped his plucking and cracked open an eye seeing Romans fond gaze.

“What?” he asked.

Roman shook his head. “I dunno, nothing really. You just seem happy right now, and its nice.”

“I do?”

“To me, you seem happy. You’re more relaxed, and there’s a way that you hold yourself that just projects that you are more comfortable. Its nice.”

“Oh, it’s been something I’ve been working on for some time, I even counted it a little bit to a new year’s resolution to make a commitment.”

“Well, I think you have everyone beat on that resolution part.”

“Nah, I bet there’s some people from last year who’re still going, what about you?”

Roman shrugged a shoulder. “I did my best; I’d tried to draw or write something at least once a week. I got busy and forgot about it. I still try to do it though.”

“It’s the thought that counts.” Virgil plucked out a cord, hands shifting on the neck. It was peaceful on the cliff, still, not a shift in the wind at all. The flowers were like observers to the only two there.

“There’s only a couple more runs of the play, and the festival is done in a couple more days.” Roman spoke up.

“I know.” Virgil replied. “How long do you think you’ll be in town for then?” Usually the company stayed a week after the were officially done performing, helping set down and pack up everything for the road.

“I’m not sure actually, depends on the managers and how quickly everything gets done. They both want to be gone by August 2nd.

“So not much time left then.”

“There’ll be just enough.”

“It’s never enough.”

“I know, but I am always happy to make the most of any time with you.”

“You’re a sap, you know that, right?”

“Ah, I may be a sap, but I’m your sap. And I’ll have you know you wouldn’t have it any other way.” Roman laughed and his fond expression returned.

“Here, hold this.” Virgil lifted his uke to Roman, and he got up after the actor took it. he stood up and started looking at the flowers around them.”

“What are you looking for?”

“Just a little somethin’.” A victorious smile broke out as he found a bright red flower, just on the inside of the ring. He crouched low at the edge and reached in, plucking the bloom. He sat back in front of Roman and brushed back his bangs, tucking the flower in behind his ear.

“There, I hope it stays pretty for you.”

“And you call me a sap.” Roman chucked.

Virgil shrugged and tried to hide his blush.

~*~

The festival ended with at party. The part of the town square that wasn’t occupied with the stage was in use as a dance floor, and small booths selling an assortment of treats and souvenirs lined the border. It was hectic and Virgil stayed more to the edge than not, happy to watch Roman be happy with is cast members.

A Woman settled almost too close for his personal bubble, but before he could move, she spoke.

“You’re Virgil, right?” Her tone was light, curious sounding more than anything.

“Uh, yah.” Was his eloquent reply.                  

“Nice to meet you, I’m Val, one of Romans cast mates.” She stuck out her hand to shake.

“Oh, hi.” Virgil accepted the shake, at a loss for what to say. She looked at him, and gave a nod, and as if happy with what she found.

“Roman always seems so excited to come here, and he’s always in a good mood when he’s here, and I guess you’re a part of the reason?” She gave a sly grin.

“Oh! Uh, we haven’t- uh, well, not really- but, uh…” Virgil floundered, cheeks flushing pink, and he tried to hide behind his drink.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to give you the shovel talk, you seem like a sweet guy, and you make Roman happy. I just wanted to see what’s he’s so happy about. He’s like a brother to me, and I know he can take care of himself. Sometimes he gets in such a funk, it’s nice to know that there’ll be someone who can help him out of it.”

“Oh, uh, thankyou? Roman really is wonderful. He’s a constant, even though he’s only here for a little bit.”

“He mentions it sometimes, ideas on settling down, and he always has a look in his eyes when he speaks about it, it’s the same one he gives you. I hope you both make it work.”

“Yah, me too.”

“It was nice meeting you Virgil. I hope you have a good night.” She waved and stepped away.

“You too.” He called after, and he watched her disappear into the crowd.

Roman found him halfway to midnight, giggly and half drunk, insisting to go to the cliff for the fireworks.  

They made the walk up just in time, the display was just as wonderful as the new years one. Though Virgil didn’t watch this one either, enthralled by the uninhibited excitement Roman displayed.

~*~

The set down was quick, and it was all too soon that they stood hands tangled together, and Roman pecked a good-buy kiss on his forehead.

~*~

It was two days later that Virgil saw a leaf from the tree fall, edges slightly browned and dry. For all he was concerned, it was Autumn now.

~*~

It was evening. The wind on the cliff had a cool chill to it, Virgil just hunkered down more into his hoodie. Cold fingers finding chords and plucking notes. He hummed for a bit, finding words to fit over the melody.

“Hum, hmm, cause baby, I’m a dark star,” he plucked notes, happy with the words, he scribbled them out on the page. “But I’ve got stories I could tell you, if I want to- dark star, dark star.”

He looked to the sunset, seeing the reds and purples mingle with the dark blue of the encroaching night sky, and dance on the crests of the light blue water.  

He’s just waiting for Logan and winter now.

~*~

Fin.

[philipronans]

for all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

happy (late) halloween, and happy first day of nano! no one’s gonna care that i have an update for this fic, but i do and here have it i’m tired of looking at it

Necromancy, all things considered, isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Sure, sometimes you get to do the exciting stuff, like talking to the dead, or sitting in musty old basements waiting for the souls of the damned to visit. But most of the time it’s a hell of a lot more boring than that. Stumbling through a graveyard at the ass crack of dawn, looking for one particular headstone, level boring. At least Koutarou didn’t choose a public cemetery, this time. Trying to explain to grieving members of the public that seances are neither illegal, or dangerous is a mistake Tetsurou has sworn to make only once. A glance at his phone tells him they’ve only been here for ten minutes, at most, and that includes the circus that was getting out of Koutarou’s rust bucket of a car, but he already wants to go home. Not that that’s a surprise, necessarily, given that he’d wanted to go back to bed moments after he’d clipped himself into Koutarou’s rust bucket of a car. But Akaashi had levelled him with one of his looks, and any argument he might have had had shrivelled to dust on his tongue.

So now here he is, freezing his ass off as he watches Koutarou prance about ahead of him, his hair virtually glowing in the moonlight as he flits between the headstones. Tetsurou watches him, hands shoved as far as he can physically get them in his jacket pockets in a futile attempt of fighting off the chill. The dead have no need, and therefore no care, for warm clothing though, and he feels the hair on his arms rise as a breeze winds its way between his legs and kicks up dust and leaves off the floor. Akaashi appears beside him, and if Tetsurou didn’t know any better he would strongly suspect magic. But he does know better, that it’s just one of Akaashi’s many talents, and that it scares the shit out of him, like always. He makes a startled sound, sees the pleased smile Akaashi tries to hind behind the scarf he’s tucked his chin into, and Tetsurou shakes his head. The light of his phone makes the circles under Akaashi’s eyes even more prominent, and Tetsurou tries to ignore the stab of guilt. “You think he’d notice if we just… left?” He asks, rolling his head to look at Akaashi properly. “Eventually.” Akaashi says mildly. He bites back a yawn, muffled slightly by the scarf, but his eyes remain amused. “He’d only pester us about it even more.” “Point.” Tetsurou concedes with a shrug. He curls his fingers in the lining of his jacket. “Okay. The sooner we get this started, the sooner we can go home.” Akaashi hums, pats him on the shoulder, and then wanders off. There’s a fork in the path ahead of them, so he branches left as he fishes his phone from his pocket and uses the dim light to read the names. Tetsurou makes a show of bending to look at a few of the graves, although in the dark the names are nothing more than grey blurs. “Oi!” He calls, ignoring the way his knees crack as he stands back up, and grinning at the way Koutarou’s head swivels to look at him. “Remember who we’re looking for, yeah?” “I know.” Koutarou’s voice is nearing on a whine as he stomps off again, pointedly shrugging further into his jacket when Tetsurou laughs at him. The quiet that settles around them would have been eerie as a kid. As it is, Tetsurou’s spent his fair share of time amongst ghosts, and their attempts at unsettling him don’t work. By the way Koutarou keeps glancing over his shoulder, the same cannot be said for him, however. Tetsurou is about to tease him about it, has his mouth open and everything, when Akaashi calls them over. It comes as no real shock that Akaashi is the one to find what they’re looking for, more because he’s actually looking for it, rather than the fact he spends more time hanging out in graveyards than any self-respecting person probably should, present predicament notwithstanding. “This is the one, right?” He asks when Tetsurou is close enough to barely make out the engraving. He runs his fingers over the stone, and nods. “This is him.” “Huh.” Koutarou says, having finally made his way over to them. He hooks his chin over Tetsurou’s shoulder, hair scratching against Tetsurou’s cheek as he shifts his weight. “I don’t think I ever met him.” Tetsurou gives Akaashi a flat look, winking when his lips twitch ever so slightly upwards. “Your family is big enough to populate a small country.” He jostles his shoulders until he’s a little more comfortable. “Not exactly surprising, is it?” Doing the best he can with the angle he’s got, Koutarou elbows him in the back. There’s enough force that it sends them both stumbling forwards, Koutarou’s arms instantly latching around Tetsurou’s waist in an effort to keep them both standing. They share a beat of silence before they both start cackling at each other. Akaashi ducks the lower half of his face inside his scarf again, but Tetsurou sees the grin before he can fully hide it. “Maybe we should go inside?” “An excellent idea.” Tetsurou says, shrugging Koutarou off and jerking his head towards the urn nestled underneath the engraved name. “The honour’s all yours.” “Thanks.” Koutarou says dryly, hands suddenly very gentle as he delicately picks the urn up and tucks it against his chest. “Now, c’mon! Ghost hunting!” “That’s not-” Tetsurou begins, knowing it’s pointless to argue but unable to help himself from trying. Koutarou shows know sign of acknowledging him, humming under his breath as he wanders off, and Tetsurou sighs. Akaashi passes him, offering him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder as he goes. “Come on.” He says, glancing over his shoulder. “It’ll be over soon.” _____ The Bokuto residence is a large, sprawling plot of land deep in the heart of Tokyo, seemingly at odds with the modern city that surrounds it. Not that that bothers Tetsurou; this place has been home to him for almost as long as he can remember, and there’s an easy familiarity in the way he walks back to the house. The gardens are invariably warmer the closer they get to the main building, the smell of the well-kept flowerbeds helping him relax. They find the back door already open when they reach it, which would worry Tetsurou a lot more if he weren’t aware of the number of wards surrounding the entire building. Being this far away from the bedrooms means they don’t have to worry about being quiet, but they still tread carefully anyway, deftly avoiding any creaky floorboards. Koutarou leads the charge, his movements so light that it almost looks like he’s dancing down the hall. The door he stops in front of is closed, and Tetsurou sees his fingers pause just above the doorknob for the briefest of moments, before his shoulders slump and he steps inside. Tetsurou shuts the back door behind him, sliding the deadbolt into place and kicks his shoes off. He takes a moment to straighten them neatly against the wall, tutting at the way Koutarou’s have been left wherever they landed when he took them off. He glances up to find Akaashi watching him from down the hall, and shrugs. The doorjamb, when he reaches it, is covered in runes; ‘protection’ and ‘containment’ are carved the deepest. The look Koutarou is giving him is sheepish, and Tetsurou grins. “Let’s hope they’re friendly this time, yeah?” He asks, just to watch Koutarou squirm a little. The table Koutarou is sitting at somewhat ruins the effect, but Tetsurou will take what he can get at this point. “How was I meant to know?” Koutarou says, crossing his arms across his chest. “I didn’t ask them to try and possess me.” “They did a little more than ‘try’, Bokuto.” Akaashi points out, voice wry. He fiddles with the cuff of his sleeve so he doesn’t have to meet Koutarou’s eye. “Musta known about all that empty space between your ears.” Tetsurou teases, poking Koutarou in the temple as he moves across the room and settles himself on the floor. He grumbles when Koutarou swats at him in retaliation, reaching out to gently place a hand on the urn in the centre of the table. The ring on his middle finger clinks against the ceramic, and he sees Koutarou pull a face. “This time’ll be different.” Koutarou says confidently, nodding at Tetsurou’s hand. “If you say so.” Tetsurou mutters, shifting his weight and then settling back down. “Now shush, I need to concentrate.” Koutarou pretends to scowl at him, fingers tapping against the table for a moment, before he mimes locking his mouth shut and throwing away the key. Akaashi, now divested of his scarf, instead hides his smile behind his hand and winks so quickly at Tetsurou, he’s half sure he imagined it. There is no ceremony to what Tetsurou does. Sometimes, when other people are watching him, he wishes there were something… more to this. But as it is, all he actually has to do is leave one hand on the urn, the other falling to rest in his lap. He takes several deep breaths, and then closes his eyes. ____ Tetsurou is in darkness. Fully and totally emerged in it with no obvious way out. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were the nice kind that accompany pleasant dreams, but it’s not. It’s oppressive in its complete blackness, anchoring him here in a way that begins to feel more permanent the longer he’s here. He’s had it drilled into his head for as long as he can remember that this is a place to be respected and feared in equal measure, and to refer to it by its name at all times. Personally, Tetsurou thinks this place sucks, and actively avoids coming here as much as he can. Which usually means he can get away with calling it The Void instead of The Astral Plane. Usually. It’s always a gamble, coming here. He's never met Bokuto Kaito, which isn’t a huge problem by any means, but it will make finding him a little more difficult. Trekking through a plane of existence that by all accounts isn’t even technically real, can be tough even when you do know where you’re going. He’s only been here for two minutes, if that, and he can already feel exhaustion creeping up on him, ready to trap him the moment he lets his guard down. “Here goes.” He mutters, slowing his breathing until he’s barely inhaling at all. He doesn’t really need to breathe at all here, but the last time he’d tried not to, he’d sent himself into a panic attack. It’s better if he keeps up pretences. He feels his fingers brush against the urn in the living world, and waits for what seems like an eternity for the responding tug in this one. It’s a tiny part of conscious that feels it, that knows exactly where he needs to go, and that’s great. It just doesn’t help him actually get there. So, he starts walking. At least, he thinks he does. It’s hard to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not here, and it always leaves his head spinning. He prefers not to think about it. Much like everything else here, time passes strangely. What feels like seconds can be an hour, and vice versa. Tetsurou has long since given up on pointing out how nonsensical this place is. Mostly because you can only shout into an empty void for so long before it starts eating at you. That isn’t to say he stays quiet, though. The one habit he’s never quite been able to break, despite the reprimands and the constant scolding, is talking to himself. Those who come here, at least, the people like him, have an anchor – something to remind them of what is real, and what isn’t. It’s not Tetsurou’s fault if his just so happens to be his own voice. “Uh… Bokuto-san? You here?” Tetsurou calls out into the darkness. His voice is hollow, almost reedy, and it sends a chill up his spine. Move faster. “My name is Kuroo Tetsurou, I’m a friend of the family. I know you don’t know me, but I was wondering if I could maybe talk to you?” Tetsurou frowns at himself. Smooth. He’s never really been good at this part; never quite managed to get over the whole ‘talking to the dead’ thing. “You’re buried at the main house, which means you’re important to Matsuko. She’s basically my grandma, if that helps convince you.” He breaks off with a nervous cough. “Anyway, I promised Koutarou a séance, so you would really be helping me out.” “Talking to yourself again?” A voice murmurs into his ear, and Tetsurou absolutely does not scream. He doesn’t. “Jesus Christ.” He squeezes his eyes shut, and clutches at his chest as he waits for the pounding in his ears to slow down. He doesn’t have a heart here, but that doesn’t actually seem to matter, given the adrenaline hammering through his veins. “Not the name I usually go by.” The voice says again, and although Tetsurou can’t see it, he can hear a smile. “Kenma.” He huffs, cracking an eye open so he can squint at the man in question. Kozume Kenma stands to his right, hands hooked into the back pockets of his jeans as he rocks on his heels. Recently bleached hair, and Tetsurou knows that’s true because he can smell it, swings into his face. He reaches up to tuck what he can behind his ear. “Yo.” He says, glancing over at Tetsurou. His eyebrows are nearing his hairline and he’s still smiling. “‘Yo’?” Tetsurou repeats incredulously. “What the fuck are you doing here?” “Nightly walk.” Kenma says, taking a few slow steps forward to demonstrate. He tilts his head curiously. “You?” “Why do you think?” Tetsurou says, rubbing at his chest as he follows Kenma through the darkness. “Koutarou wanted to go ‘ghost hunting’.” Kenma makes a small noise, pushing at his hair again when it flops back down into his eyes. He’s solid here in a way Tetsurou has never been; almost as if he belongs in this place, instead of just being a visitor. Tetsurou glances down at his own hands, at the way they seem to flicker between realities, and then back up at Kenma. “You don’t want to?” Kenma guesses, spinning on his heel so he can still gage Tetsurou’s reaction even as they continue to walk. “Oh you know me.” Tetsurou says with a tired smile. “Can’t get enough.” Kenma is quiet for a little while. He murmurs to himself a couple of times, but Tetsurou knows that asking is pointless, so he doesn’t bother. He’ll get his answers eventually. The silence that settles around them is almost uncomfortable in how absolute it is, so Tetsurou focuses on putting one flickering foot in front of the other. “I have an idea.” Kenma says eventually, when the quiet is beginning to scratch at Tetsurou’s senses. Tetsurou sees the glint in his eye, the promise of trouble hidden behind the careful indifference, and grins. “We fuck with Koutarou?” The nod Kenma gives him is the best answer he could ever hope to get. _______ “Good evening, gentleman.” Tetsurou says, carefully biting down the smile threatening to ruin this whole thing before it even gets a chance to take off. He watches Akaashi carefully, takes in the way his eyes lift from the book he has open in his lap and shoot straight to his face. He tries to keep his face as neutral as he can, tries to be convincing in his neutrality. It’s not Koutarou he has to worry about ruining things, his excitement will hold the illusion all on its own without Tetsurou’s help. But Akaashi’s role in this whole idea had been long suffering, at best. “I hope I haven’t kept you waiting long. Your friend had some trouble finding me.” “Not long at all!” Koutarou says, leaning forwards across the corner of the table so he’s inches away from Tetsurou, and it takes all of Tetsurou’s control not to involuntarily flinch back. His focus is mostly here, in the living realm, but he is still vaguely aware of Kenma’s presence. Being torn between two planes of existence is… strange. Not unpleasant, exactly. But it’s weird enough to make him feel mildly queasy. “Relax.” Kenma says, voice barely more than a whisper, even though there’s no danger of them hearing him. He slides his hand over Tetsurou’s shoulder, squeezes gently, before reaching up to rest his fingers against the pulse point in Tetsurou’s neck. “Relax.” It’s weird how effective that one word is, how it settles into his bones and makes him feel more at ease. He knows the charade won’t last very long, that either he’ll give himself away, or they’ll catch him out, but it doesn’t seem to matter much. “And you?” Tetsurou asks, switching his attention back to Akaashi. “Did I leave you waiting too long?” “No,” Akaashi says slowly, eyes flitting between Koutarou’s excited grin and Tetsurou’s face. “I’m fine.” “I’m glad.” He knows he’s eventually going to have to speak in actual sentences, but the longer he can put it off, the better. “So, what is it you wish to know?” “How did you die?” Koutarou asks immediately, looking vaguely like the passion behind it surprised even him. Tetsurou frowns deliberately. “We’ve only just met, and that’s what you want to know?” Koutarou looks appropriately chastised, and falls silent for a few seconds. “I’m sorry, that was rude. I’m Koutarou, what’s your name?” “You picked my urn up,” Tetsurou says, tinkling his ring against the urn in question when he wiggles his fingers, “and you don’t even know my name?” “I was just trying to be friendly.” Koutarou grumbles, and Tetsurou has to duck his chin to try and fight the smile. “Um, what did you do for a living, when you were… alive.” He finishes weakly, wincing at his own choice of words. “I was a businessman, down in Osaka.” Tetsurou says, knowing the lie is likely going to be caught by Akaashi at the very least. He sees the moment Akaashi realises what’s going on, and turns his head in the hope Koutarou won’t see him wink. To his relief, Akaashi nods, a small, minute thing that would have been unperceivable had he not been staring at him so intently. Koutarou nods, before he freezes. The beginning of a frown creases his brow. “We don’t have family in Osaka.” “Ah,” Tetsurou says. He hears Kenma snigger in his ear, and tries to swat at him, but with his concentration so fragmented, he isn’t sure it works. “I was kicked outta the family.” “Then why are you buried in the family plot?” Koutarou asks. “And why do you have a Tokyo accent, Kaito-san?” “In my defence,” Tetsurou says, dropping the act, and grinning at Koutarou, “I was trying to find him.” “But?” There’s no trace of anger or annoyance in Koutarou’s voice, and Tetsurou isn’t entirely sure why that surprises him as much as it does. “You get bored on the way?” “I met Kenma.” Tetsurou uses the hand Kenma already has on his neck to pull him into the room. Or rather, he pulls a shadowy imitation of Kenma into the room, almost as if they’re seeing him through a murky window. “Hi.” Kenma says, the sound echoing in Tetsurou’s ears from both versions of his friend.  He disappears mere seconds later, the force of it snapping Tetsurou fully back into his own body, and for once the experience doesn't leave him with a headache, at the very least. “That explains some things.” Akaashi closes the book and places it on the table. There’s something about the way he says it that makes Tetsurou tilt his head. “You knew straight away, didn’t you?” “You did a good job of pretending.” Akaashi says, scratching idly at his chin. “But your voice was different.” “You are… eerily perceptive, you know that?” Akaashi merely smiles in response and pushes himself onto his knees in an effort to stand up. “If we’re finished, I’m hungry.” Koutarou announces, stretching his arms above his head and sighing in satisfaction when numerous bones crack. “You sure you don’t want me to actually find him?” Tetsurou asks, watching Koutarou’s flailing limbs warily. “I can, if you want me to.” “Nah, it’s okay. I kinda want food, anyway.” He gets to his feet, pulling at his jeans until they fall back into place. “And I should start heading home.” Akaashi interjects, stamping his feet on the ground a few times in an effort to get his blood flowing again. “I’ll drop you off, I know you’ve got the early shift.” Koutarou says as he turns to Tetsurou and offers him a hand. His arm goes taut as he takes the weight, and when they’re standing side by side, he slings that arm over Tetsurou’s shoulders. “Food?” “Sure.”

[kiwiparallels]

Townhouse, part II

[You can read part I here]  Harry got back to his house with a head on the clouds. Conflicted between thoughts of sleek blond hair and how attractive it seemed to even on a bloke, he didn’t realize how a trail of changes followed him upstairs to the naked bed. The boxes spilled its contents, just before, tucking themselves in the closet near the front door. Cups and plates moved themselves to the kitchen cupboards, while books flew right to the big wooden bookshelf in the living room. Colored clothes were slowly sorted in the walk-in closet in the main room where he slept. The walls went from an old beige to a clear white color, as the wind sweeped the dust away from the dark hardwood floors. A flame was lit up in the fireplace, right under the old firebolt, that decided that wall was a good place to hang. A beautiful drawing of a Lion, made by Luna a couple months before, attached itself to the wall in the hall, waving its mane with a shake.

When he woke up, blinded by the bright sunshine, his stomach roared in hunger. His golden snitch zoomed over the room, making him very aware of yesterday’s pints and the consequent headache that pulsed on his forehead. He thought of Ellie, and how warming the little bar she ran felt to him. He knew his friends would love the place, but he couldn’t show it to them yet. Moving to muggle London had one objective: being away of the wizarding world enough so he could get on with his life again. A pinch of pain took hold of his heart: did that mean there was no space for Ron and Hermione at this new life? No, of course not. It was just an adjustment time. He could figure things out as he went. His friends were there, no matter how apart they were. Their thursdays dinners would eventually happen again. Just not right now.

He got up, looking around the room. It was like, during the night - or better, the morning, as the sun was so up into the sky that it seemed like it was almost noon -, the place got a new face altogether. It was still empty, no new furniture appeared. But it did seem clean and tidy, as a house was supposed to be. He started down the stairs, watching closely for updates, and right as the possibility of an entering-and-breaking occurred to him, he ran into someone.

“Master Harry” said Kreacher, anxious eyes glittering at him.

“Kreacher! What are you doing here? I thought you were at Hogwarts since I freed you”

“Kreacher was, Master Harry, he lived through the shame!” Harry thought it was better not to complain with that statement. “Kreacher wants to know if Master Harry needs help decorating the new house, sir.”

“I think I’m okay, Kreacher, thank you. Is there something I can do for you?”

“If it’s not too much trouble, Master Harry, Kreacher heard you’re selling Mistress house!”

“Yes, so?”

“Kreacher wanted to… say goodbye, sir.”

“The house is open for you as long as it’s mine, Kreacher.” The bow he received then was exaggerated and deep. With a last ‘thank you’, Kreacher flicked his hand, pointing to the kitchen, and disappeared out of thin air. The air was filled with the smell of fresh pancakes and scrambled eggs. A treat from Hogwarts, he thought. His stomach rumbled again, wondering if there would be some treacle tart. Was that what happened, then? Kreacher decided to buy his sympathy with his organization talents? He went to the kitchen, mouth watering at the beautiful breakfast that awaited him, treacle tart included.

He had never been good at sensing where the magic around him came from. He knew the food was full of house-elf magic, but there was nothing in it telling him that. Hermione would help him with it. She was not just sensible, but her new experience in regards of magical creatures would pay off. He took a mental note to ask her later. Everything was delicious, but the tea was already cold. He got his wand and pointed at his cup, muttering a quick heating charm. As he touched it, the water quickly boiled up and evaporated. He shrugged. It happened occasionally. Maybe he should have been back to Hogwarts, as apparently he couldn’t do children’s magic properly anymore. But he was above it, in his muggle house. It wasn’t a problem anymore.

He got out of the house again that day, thinking about how he needed to fill up the house with furniture. He had never done that before, and he was sure he didn’t want anything like the Black’s furniture. It was old and classic, but also very boring and elegant in a way he would never be. The Dursley’s modern-kitsch home was no better, all colors and patterns that still reminded him of the seventies too much. He wanted a clean space, with less clutter than his head. He needed it. The task quickly got really boring. He pointed at furniture and wrote big cheques, and then pointed at new furniture. It was all exactly what he wanted, but it wouldn’t get to the house for a couple of days, and he couldn’t really put it together in his mind. He hadn’t bought everything yet, only the big pieces he was sure he needed, and - oh, so needed - some shades for his windows, as he was still scarred from his sudden encounter with the sun today. When it started to go down again, he tried to think about dinner.

Cooking in the muggle way seemed like a burden, the memory of the Dursley’s gave him a chill. That he wouldn’t do. But his magic was faltering, and trying one or two of Molly’s charms to cook could even set the house on fire. He would need to eat out again. And forever, apparently. He stopped at a cafe and bought a sandwich, eating slowly as he walked. Maybe buying stuff would be more fun with help. Maybe eating would be more fun with people. Harry wondered why his life always circled down to being alone. Even in his days at Hogwarts, in the end, it was only him and Voldemort. No one was there to actually understand what he was feeling, what he needed, what he wanted. Hell, who knew what he wanted? Just now he only wanted his empty townhouse, and here he kept muttering about its emptiness! He felt frustrated. He looked at himself, mirrored in a window shop, and sighed. Some would say he had everything. He had more money he could count, fame, the bestest friends in the world, he had a fierce girlfriend… Ginny crossed his mind them.

She had made him happy someday. His heart raced to see her, his mouth dried up when he had to talk to her, kissing her was a bliss. But when did it change? He remembered them as a good dynamic couple… when he was sixteen. Had it been so long? Had he been lonely for so long? It did, apparently. They tried, he knew, but it got so tiring. And there was no reward at the end. The happiness he felt by her side had a place before the war, at the Hogwarts he called home. But not here, not at this time. If he could feel any differently he would, but it was so agonizing to explain it to her. To put in words that he thought about not coming back. He knew what he had to do, but he also knew what he wanted was something else altogether. She would treat him like he was crazy, like he had never lost anyone, like he didn’t understand the pain she felt. And she was one of the few who knew what it felt to be in Voldemort’s shoes, to feel like a pawn in a bigger game. He felt used. But she would say everything worked out in the end, so who cared? Once she even said that, maybe, it was better he was used. He shook the thought away. A chilly breeze came through and he wished he had a thicker coat. Although, it served the moment right, he was already feeling cold for a while.

As he walked aimlessly, he tried to not think. That had always been hard. But chewing up on everything that went wrong would not help. He had stated that very clearly in therapy. He was lonely, yes. It was a fact he had to deal with. Maybe, what he needed was a new girlfriend, someone who didn’t have to know about the mess of the war - someone fun and carefree like the muggle people he saw on the street. He thought about Ellie, she was nice. Her dark brown hair was long and wavy, careless knotted up. She seemed like his kind of girl, easy going and talented. A lot like Ginny. But maybe he wasn't that easy going anymore. Or that talented. What did he do? She asked. He had no answer. Being a wizard wasn’t something to do either. He had to come up with something. Soon. Actually, before coming up with a present, he had to come up with a past. She seemed quite sure he looked like a rich kid. Maybe it was the magic energy, maybe it was the fact that he would never worry about money in his life indeed. Apparently the Potters made sure of that.

But that was a good place to start. Private boarding school. In Scotland. Not that far from the truth. What else? Orphan? How could he be an orphan rich kid? His parents died recently, then - it would explain the grief that used to come back from time to time. Car accident? He laughed, imagining Aunt Petunia’s face if she knew he intended to pull her lie onto people again. No other family, all right. He was pretty sure no Dursley would stop to greet him on the street anytime. No clue about what to do with his life - that was actually true.  He felt a little bit lighter with this plan. At least he knew what to say when he talked to someone again. He wondered if he should go back to the bar. The idea of beer got his stomach churned up, but maybe he could just hang. Play some darts, maybe.

His image in the window shops caught his attention again. He had old clothes on, he knew the tee under his jacket actually had a hole under his arm. Usually he had no one to dress up to - or he would just throw some robes over everything and call it a day. It was, then, time to shop some more. He went in some stores, remembering how the guy from yesterday’s night was dressed. He could never pull off something like that. He didn’t have the confidence or the body. Of course he had grown up, he had always been tall, and his shoulders were broader, but he still seemed really slim, built for a seeker. The beard was a game changer, though. He tried to keep it short and trimmed, but it did make him seem older. He could work with that, maybe. His hair would do whatever it wanted, so it was a lost case. He did like how a simple tee looked so he went for that. Everything he got was like his house: plain and uncomplicated. He played with all colors, but got simple pieces as jeans, long sleeves and sweaters. His most complicated look was the one he was wearing as he got out of the shop: a grey and black baseball tee and a jeans jacket.

He felt fresh. He went straight into the bar, sitting on Ellie’s counter again. She greeted him with a smile.

“I’m sorry to tell you our kitchen is already closed. A pint, though?”

“Just some p-ginger beer, please.” He stuttered as he realized she probably wouldn’t have fresh pumpkin juice in a muggle bar.

“Oh, I see it was a rough morning indeed.” She went to pick up a bottle, and turned to a tanned brunette girl, very tall and very thin. “Chiara, we have a new local. Meet Harry - it is Harry, right?’

“Yes, it’s good to meet you.” Harry shook her hand. She smiled too. “You run the kitchen here, right? Last night’s pepperoni pizza was incredible.”

“It’s an old family recipe, thanks. What brought you here, Harry?” Chiara said, no accent, even though he wasn’t sure why he was expecting one. He didn’t look the part of an englishman either.

“I bought a house a few blocks away.” She looked a little bit uncertain, and turned to Ellie.

“He’s the private schooled jock, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. He never told me if I was right, though. But you know I’m good.” Two ginger-beers appeared at the counter.

“You are.” Harry said with a smile, laughing as the girls screamed a clearly rehearsed A-ha! to his face.

That night’s conversation was easy, no big personal questions were asked. They told him about the business, Chiara’s family was in England for a few generations now, but decided to return to to Italy when she turned eighteen. Pizza was her way of doing it, and in the middle of it, her school best friend Ellie decided to study bartending so they would open the bar of their dreams. They had met Jack on a party, he went with them to taste one of her pizzas, and decided that taste would make anything a good investment. Harry could only agree, Jack was absolutely right. After a couple hours, feeling the un-stressful ambience relax and soothe him, Harry noticed Ellie looking at one of the girls passing through the crowd with dreamy eyes. Chiara noticed and pointed discreetly.

“That’s Ellie’s biggest bar crush. She comes here every wednesday and saturday for the last eight months, and that face happens every time.”

“She’s pretty, I guess.” He said.

“How come? She’s perfect! She’s a lawyer, always celebrating her big wins with us. Oh, if I had someone a could sue… You guess, hah! Do you even like girls? How can you say that?”

“O-of course I like girls.” Harry was thrown off by the comment. He did like girls, he liked Gin. Not for a long time. And he did like Cho, back then. But not kissing her, at all. He shrugged. He didn’t like boys any better. Except for the blond guy yesterday.

“Do you, really?” Chiara laughed. “It’s okay, Harry, you don’t need to label yourself for us. Ellie here is just messing with you.”

“You don’t need to, but unfortunately Chiara is super straight. I’ve never even had a shot.” She mock frowned. Harry smirked, and looked around. People around here really didn’t seem to label themselves. He saw how the interactions were really free and smooth, between everyone, far from some muggle places where he had been before, in which straight couples were the only ones to be seen. It hadn’t caught his eyes, usually that was how things worked in the wizarding world too. He never thought of worrying about it. It was buried in a distant past in which he dodged bullies and had to hear Dudley’s opinions about everything. A past that ended soon after Hagrid went into that hut.

“OI! Harry!” Ellie snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Did you hear me?”

“No, sorry, I was lost in thought.”

“I said I saw you ogling the cute blond boy yesterday! Is that what you are into? Long hair and leather jackets?” He was startled.

“Was it that obvious?” She nodded with a knowing smirk. “He seemed like someone I knew, actually. But, yeah, he was fit.”

“Oh, he’s a regular. Maybe you’ll have a better luck than I did. But all I know is he’s pretty busy, he works a lot, I guess. What did he do, Chi? The one that always order the prosciutto pizza…”

“Hm, I think he’s a journalist of sorts. Music press, I guess?”

“Oh, yeah, the Nirvana t-shirt guy that actually looks a little like Kurt! And he usually drinks whisky.” Ellie added, counting the information pieces in her fingers.

“What’s Nirvana?” Harry asked, making both girls giggle loudly.

[to be continued: part III, part IV]

[reddie-set-goooo]

This’ll Be Fun

Read here on AO3

Summary for Chapter 4:

He couldn’t figure out why Richie seemed to be staring at his legs so intently. Also, why did Richie look so upset about them?

Author’s note: I realized I forgot to upload this 4th chapter when I finished it the other day, so Chapter 5 will also be up in the next few minutes!

Author’s note UPDATE: Wow so I kinda posted the Chapter 5 under this originally, but it’s all fixed now, and this is officially the Chapter 4 story below!!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Chapter 4 - The Bonfire (Part 2)

7:30 PM – Monday Night

 Richie walked up to the group centered around the fire, his feet dragging along the ground, as soon as he entered the light of the fire everyone turned to him and he put on his normal, happy face.

 He tried to keep his attention away from Eddie’s arm draped across his “friend’s” shoulder. A small smile crept onto Eddie’s face when his eyes met Richie’s and Richie felt his stomach erupt into butterflies. He cursed himself, how could this guy already be causing him to feel like this. He decided that despite Eddie having a boyfriend, he could still flirt with him, he would never over step his boundaries, but Eddie was cute and Richie wouldn’t be able to not flirt with him if he tried.

 “Hey there Eds, glad you could make it,” Richie placed the stack of wood he’d been carrying into the pile with the others. He hid his face from the others behind his curls as he bent down, trying to hide his look of disappointment.

 Feigning casualty Richie stood back up and rolled his shoulders back, and leaned into Stan, “So, Eddie, this your bo-“ He was cut off by Bev yelling out, “BEN! You made it!” She ran out of the circle they were standing in and jumped into his awaiting arms.

 Everyone looked on with amused smiles, but while everyone’s attention was on Bev and Ben, Richie watched Eddie. He watched as Eddie dropped his arm from around his “friend’s” shoulders and waited for him to grab his hand. But they didn’t, instead their hands just swayed at their respective sides. Richie kept waiting for it to happen, but instead Eddie even took a slight side step away from his friend. Richie didn’t understand it.

 Bev and Ben made their way back to the circle after Ben had gently put Bev back down from the bridal carry she had jumped in to. See, they were holding hands, that’s what couples did right? Hold hands? Not that Richie would know from personal experience. Yea, he’d kissed people before, he had some experience in that, but actually being in a committed relationship? Richie hadn’t found anybody that made him feel like he wanted that yet. Eddie was the first guy in two years to really catch Richie’s attention.

 Once everyone was back in the circle Bev turned to the new guy and said, “So, your Eddie’s friend, what’s your name, I’m Bev, and this is Ben. Over there is Mike and then there’s Richie and Stan.” She motioned to each one of them going around the circle so he knew which name matched which face. Richie felt like he might have had a class or two with this kid over the last three years in high school, but he couldn’t be sure.

 “Uh, hi, I’m B-b-b-bill,” he stuttered out and immediately looked ashamed and turned his face to the ground. Richie saw Eddie reach out and lightly grip the back of Bill’s forearm as reassurance and Richie felt his stomach drop.

 “Well, hey Bill, it’s nice to meet you, glad you could join us tonight,” Mike said from his end of the circle. He always had a way of making people feel comfortable, Richie envied it. Richie acted like he was comfortable around everyone, and sometimes that made a person relax around him. Most of the time though it was too abrasive for people, and they tended to stay away from him and his boisterous personality. He worried sometimes that Stan and them would even find him too much one day and cut their losses and say goodbye, but he reassured himself when he had these thoughts that they loved him and would never do that to him.

 Eddie’s hand was still on Bill’s arm and he was giving Bill a questioning glance, asking him something with his eyes that Richie couldn’t translate. Bill just met his eyes and with a slight nod Eddie pulled his hand back. It all only took about a second, but with the amount of attention Richie was giving them, it felt like he’d just watched a full episode of some melodrama.

 Bill looked back up at the group then with a reaffirmed smile on his face, put there by whatever Eddie had conveyed to him no doubt, and said, “Yea, thanks for letting me c-come. Normally it’s just me and Eddie, so it’s nice to meet new people.” Eddie was giving Bill a look that resembled pride and gave him a slight pat on the shoulder. Richie hated every second of it.

 “Hey Stan, can you come with me for a sec, I think we could still use a tad more wood for the bonfire tonight,” Richie stated while turning briskly away from the fire, simultaneously gripping Stan’s wrist and pulling him along.

 “Dude, I think we have eno-“ Stan was silenced by the look that Richie gave him. The look saying, Man, shut the fuck up and walk with me. I Need to talk to you. Stan understood and followed behind Richie dutifully.

 Richie didn’t relinquish his grip on Stan’s wrist until they were out of eye sight around the bend in the path. Once he did Stan started to massage some feeling back into his fingers because of how tight Richie had been holding on.

 “Richie, what the hell man, what’s up?” Stan reached out and pulled on Richie’s arm to stop him from stalking toward the barn farther.

 Richie spun around to Stan, his face red and flustered, “He has a boyfriend, Stan! A boyfriend!”

 Stan considered this for a moment while looking over his shoulder to where the bonfire was, even though he couldn’t see it. “How do you know they’re dating? They could just be good friends, have you considered that?”

 Richie hadn’t. He’d seen Eddie’s arm around Bill and immediately jumped to the worst conclusion his mind could think of. But, come on, Eddie was the cutest thing on two legs, how could Bill not be interested in him. Richie put his hands on the back of his head as he thought it over.

 “Well, what about the arm around Bill’s shoulder, hmm? Or all the reassuring touches on his arm, or their silent conversations they were having with their eyes, that seems pretty damn intimate to me Stan.”

 Stan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment, Richie had seen this face many times before, it was one he was well acquainted with. “Richie, none of those things really scream that they’re dating. Hell, you’ve done some of those things with us, just chill out and be yourself.”

 “What do I do, chill out or be myself, I can’t do both,” Richie said completely serious and held his hands out, palms up in question, waiting for Stan to answer. Stan just tipped his head to the side and closed his eyes, like he was asking God how he had come to be put in this position, and just turned on his heel and walked back towards the fire.

 Richie stood there for a moment watching Stan as he walked away and then called out after him, “Stan? Stan, which one do I do? Stanley?!” He just kept walking though and Richie sighed and jogged to catch back up.

 8:30 PM – Monday Night

 Eddie and Bill had taken a seat on the log next to the fire after Richie and Stan had run off. Well, more like Richie ran off and Stan got dragged along. Based on his expression though, Eddie assumed that this had happened to Stan on more than one occasion.

 The rest of the group who were left, Ben, Bev, and Mike, struck up a conversation about some poetry that Ben had been working on. Bev thought it was beautiful and Mike was giving him constructive criticism that Ben seemed to be accepting earnestly.

 Eddie bumped his knee against Bill’s to get his attention, “So, what’s the game plan for mission: talk to Stan tonight?”

 Bill blushed and ducked his head slightly, “Honestly I have n-no idea, what if I j-just stutter the whole time?” Bill looked at Eddie with worried eyes.

 Eddie rubbed the back of Bill’s shoulder reassuringly, “Bill, there’s so much more to you than just a stutter, you just need to show him that, and if he can’t see past your stutter than fuck him man.”

 Bill let out a breath and nodded his head like he was psyching himself up. “Yea, you’re right, totally. S-so, how should I start the conversation th-though?”

 Eddie considered that for a moment before coming up with something, “Well, he seems to be hanging out with Richie the most, so when they get back from getting more firewood, we’ll make our way over to the two of them casually, and when you’re feeling comfortable, you give me a signal and I find a way to get me and Richie somewhere else so you get some alone time talking with Stan, sound like a plan?”

 Bill smiled widely, “Yea, that works for me,” and then he smiled even wider for not stuttering.

 Eddie slapped him on the shoulder and was about to say something else when Bill’s attention was drawn to something over Eddie’s shoulder. He turned around on his seat and saw Stan coming back into the clearing shaking his head and pulling his hand up to the bridge of his nose. Eddie wondered what could have happened to cause this reaction. Then he noticed that Stan didn’t have any firewood, and then he noticed that Stan didn’t have a Richie with him anymore either. Just as he realized this, Richie came running back into the clearing calling out Stan’s name. He didn’t have firewood either. Weird.

 They had just reentered the circle when Mike spoke up and said what Eddie was thinking, “So, uh, guys, you get that firewood or what?” Mike started laughing and then Ben and Bev joined in. Richie looked confused for a moment before he seemed to have a light bulb go off.

 “Oh right, well we were almost to the barn and Stan was just complaining and complaining, really just going on about how we didn’t need any more wood, and I mean how could we, I have plenty right here,” and made a crude gesture towards his crotch that earned him eye rolls around the circle and two beep beep Richies, but he seemed unfazed and continued, “so I conceded and we turned around to come back, I mean, how can you say no to a face like that?” Richie put both his hands on either one of Stan’s cheeks, effectively framing his face, while Stan looked wholly unamused by Richie’s antics. At least he was a good sport about it Eddie thought, though one would have to be to be best friends with Richie.

 This earned several laughs from around the circle, including one from Eddie, and as soon as he had started laughing Richie looked over to him with a huge smile cracking across his face. He pulled his hands away from Stan and the two of them made their way towards Eddie and Bill. Turns out Eddie and Bill wouldn’t even have to get up to start the first phase of mission: talk to Stan. Eddie knocked his knee into Bill’s again to give him a heads up they were walking over in case he hadn’t seen on his own. By the way Bill knocked his knee back against Eddie’s he had noticed. Eddie was also noticing how Richie seemed to be staring at his legs.

 Eddie wondered if he’d forgotten about a bruise he might have on his shin or maybe a Band-AId from a cut his mom had insisted on treating like a battle wound. He looked down for a moment inspecting his legs for something wrong but found none. He couldn’t figure out why Richie seemed to be staring at his legs so intently. Also, why did Richie look so upset about them?

As they walked up to him and Bill, Eddie wondered frantically what he should say, he hadn’t thought far enough ahead to what their conversation should actually be about. He just had a general game plan. What if they walked over and just stood there awkwardly waiting for Eddie to say something? He wouldn’t know what to do! Fuck. He was freaking out.

“So, Eddie, how’d you like your first day on the job?” Stan said as he neared the log. Thank god. The only thing that had come to Eddie’s mind to talk about was the super germ his mom had mentioned earlier that night, not the best casual conversation topic.

 “Yea it was good, training was uh,” he paused as he felt Richie’s eyes boring into him while Eddie was answering Stan, and laughed nervously, “training was very interesting.”

 “Yea, I heard you got the third degree today, starting off on ticket sales …” Stan shuddered, “skeeves me out just thinking about it.”

 Eddie glanced at Richie, who seemed to be avoiding looking at Eddie for the first time that night, and then Eddie looked back to Stan, confused.

 “Where do most people start off?” Eddie questioned, wondering why he’d gotten a different training than others according to Stan.

 “We usually start on garbage pickup, it sounds worse, but its super easy work and you get to be outside instead of in one of those cramped booths, also you don’t have to talk to any customers on your first day. It’s a good way to learn the layout of the park as well.” Eddie grew even more confused, why would Richie tell Eddie that he trained everyone one way when Stan was telling him the complete opposite.

 Eddie looked to Richie again who was looking at Eddie sheepishly through his bangs. When he noticed Eddie looking though, he laughed over zealously and punched Stan in the shoulder, “Stan just likes that job cause it’s the only thing he’s good at, picking up garbage on the job and in relationships. Am I right Stanny boy?”

 Stan pushed Richie back and laughed half-heartedly, “Yea, yea Richie, yack it up, at least I’ve even had a boyfriend before.”

 Eddie and Bill both started at that, in one sentence Stan had pretty much confirmed that he and Richie were both gay, and both on the market. Eddie shook it off, but Bill seemed to have a renewed spark of interest in the conversation and turned pointedly to Eddie for a moment. Eddie didn’t get it at first until Bill bumped his elbow into Eddie’s and unmistakably raised his eyebrows at him again. Eddie understood this time.

 Eddie cleared his throat and looked behind Richie and Stan to the fire and said, “Hey Richie, that fire is looking kind of low actually, I think getting more wood would be a good idea after all. Could you show me where the wood pile is?” He looked expectantly up at Richie who paused for a moment looking at Stan nervously before regaining composure.

 “Right this way Eds my boy,” and made a sweeping gesture towards the barn and held his hand out for Eddie to grab to help him up.

 Eddie grabbed it cautiously and stood to follow Richie into the dark, leaving Bill behind to have a chance with Stan. Eddie glanced back over his shoulder and gave Bill a quick wink as good luck to which Bill only rolled his eyes.

 Eddie realized Richie was still holding his hand, pulling him forward, Eddie’s heart rate picked up. Oh no.

[myrunreports]

2020 American Heroes 100

I was pretty sure that the American Heroes 100 mile run would not happen this year.  Back in May, the 49 yr old race director died from complications of back surgery.  Most races have been cancelled this year due to COVID.  There were no updates on the race webpage or FaceBook, so it seemed like it just wouldn’t happen.  I kept looking for some kind of announcement either way and finally, a couple weeks ago, I learned that the race would go on after all.  I had just finished the 4 month long virtual race across Tennessee – 1270 miles covered from May 4 to August 30.  I waited a whole 24 hours after finishing that to sign up for American Heroes.  The week before the race was kind of crazy.  Wildfires nearby and on the west coast were causing terrible air quality. We had been having very high temperatures and then on Tuesday, a big cold front came in dropping temps by 50 some degrees and bringing snow and rain.  The forecast showed a nice rebound by the Friday morning start.  Five days before the race, I was working on making a flagstone patio.  Moving the stones and 50 lb sacks of sand strained my back a little so I decided no more of that before the race.

Friday morning, I finished packing my gear and loaded up the van.  Shah kinesio taped my low back in the same pattern as last year (partially for the low back strain I already had and preventive because I’ve had low back pain in other ultras).  I often get a bad pain in the neck/shoulder area on the left side during long runs, so I also got a piece of kinesio tape on my neck hoping I could avoid that. Kinesio tape is magic for me!  I did my usual foot taping and was ready to go by 8:30. 

  I got my camp all set up in the Roger’s Grove park in Longmont, picked up my race number, ankle bracelet (this race has both ankle bracelet chip and chip on the bib to make sure the chip reader doesn’t miss any laps) and shirt then had a bit of time before the start at 10:11.  There are many different distances for this race, all with start times corresponding to events of 9/11.  The 100 mile race has a 30 hour time limit, ending at 4:11 Saturday afternoon.  The sky was overcast and temp was perfect for running, low 60’s at the start.  Fifteen people entered this year but only six of us showed up.

At 10:11, we hit the trail. The course is 1.05 mile loops of mostly dirt, sand/gravel and a little bit of pavement.  Pat was the first of many of my running buddies there to keep me company.  She ran the first 16 miles with me.  Not too long after she left, Shah showed up and he walked a lap with me.  He also brought me a spicy chicken sandwich from Popeyes – I decided I would hold on to that for after the race.  Spicy anything during a long run is not a good idea!  When we finished that lap, Donna was at my camp. Her car was in the shop a couple blocks away getting new tires, so it was convenient (under the circumstances, though not that convenient overall for her!) to walk over to the park.  We walked together for six laps.  I was feeling fine, but getting some hot spots on my left foot despite all my preventive taping.  I don’t typically have issues with my feet but have had this same problem the last two years at this race.  On the off chance that it was my shoes or socks causing the problem, I changed both.  The foot pain was annoying but tolerable.  At 4:11, about 15 runners in the 24 hour race started so there were a few more runners on the course.

I normally don’t eat anything from the aid stations, just stick to my Hammer Nutrition fuels, but they had these delicious fig cookies and I thought it would be ok, so I ate a couple.  Sometime late afternoon, I was a few tenths of a mile away from the bathroom (we get real indoor flush toilets at this race!) when I realized I needed to be there NOW. I almost made it.  Luckily it was not a catastrophic event – could have been much worse!  I think figs are just a bit too much fiber for me during a race.  After that, I had what just felt like pressure in my low gut. Not awful nausea or cramping, but not quite right and it made it hard for me to take in calories.  Sometime in late afternoon, a guy walking his dog asked me “is this the same race that was going on this morning?”  Yep – it’ll still be going on tomorrow morning and afternoon too!  

By evening, it was getting pretty cool out.  I gradually added long sleeve shirt, light wind breaker, light gloves, down jacket, light beanie, warmer beanie and warmer gloves.  Judy arrived a little after 8:00 with a Smashburger for me and she joined me for ?? miles.  I was getting chilled and couldn’t really eat much and my stupid foot was still hurting. Around 10:00 I said I wanted to lie down for a few minutes.  I crawled in my sleeping bag and warmed up while Judy patiently sat outside.  My timer went off after 10 minutes and we got back to walking.  I think she left around 11:00.  At midnight, I decided I was ready for a nap so I set my timer for 30 minutes and crawled into my sleeping bag.  It felt so good, I stayed there another 30 minutes.  I went back out for another hour, then back to the tent at 1:00.  I think the combination of my gut and my foot were wearing me down.  I probably could have managed just one of those things.  I kept setting my timer for 30 minutes and at some point, I did the math and decided I was not on track for a 100 mile finish.  Once I made that decision, I figured I might as well enjoy the warm sleeping bag and get some rest.  I checked on the toe that hurt so much but it just looked red and angry. Back out to run some more at 4:30. Cat arrived a little after 5:00.  My gut was feeling much better by this time and my only real complaint was my foot.  

I didn’t recognize any runners from the last 2 years, but I did see some people I had seen other places. The first place guy in the 100 mile race had a sign on him that said “Legally Blind”.  I saw him and his pacer at Chase the Moon a couple months ago.  Really nice guy – he somehow knew my name and would always say something nice as he lapped me (many times!)  He apparently has enough vision to run alone sometimes. He had a pacer running ahead of him announcing obstacles and he wore a super bright headlamp.  He was coming up behind Judy and me and we heard his pacer tell him to step up (dirt path met up with sidewalk) and then we heard an awful crash.  He didn’t make that step up.  It hardly seemed to faze him though.  He just jumped right up and kept on running.  I also recognized a runner I had seen at races in California.  His nickname is “the running jester” and he’s easily recognizable by his clothes and jester’s hat.  He was there for the 24 hour race.  Saturday morning, I saw a woman I’ve visited with at several races around here so we chatted for a bit.  One of the really nice things about a short loop course is that you get to see the same people many times and there’s a nice camaraderie to that.  It’s especially nice to see how the fast people just keep on with such a steady pace.  

As the morning went on, all the shorter distance races began and these annoyingly fresh-looking runners joined us on the course.  Julie came and joined us for some miles later in the morning.  Saturday was warming up a lot more than Friday.  I was starting to think about when would be a good quitting point.  Since I knew I wasn’t going to make 100, I should pick some meaningful distance. Cat was game for pretty much any distance (within reason, of course) and she planned on running marathon distance so I was thinking maybe 80 miles would be good.  My toe was really throwing a tantrum though and I came up with a new goal: 78.6 miles.  That’s 3 marathons distance and I could finish a couple laps sooner than 80. 

 I ran most of that last lap and finished with a sprint.  The RD tried to convince me that I should go for another one but I was already mentally done.  My final distance was 78.75 miles in 26:12, including 5 ½ hours of resting.  My back and neck were never an issue thanks to the Kinesio tape.  I’ve got a year to figure out how to protect that pinky toe so I can go the full distance next year.  I think the problem is going in a circle, always turning to the right.  I never have this problem in other races!

Sunday morning update: I feel fine this morning and the problem toe is just tender.  When I drained that blister last night, the toenail was just kind of floating around on that loose blister skin.  It will be interesting to see how that heals.  I would be fine if the nail doesn’t come back after it inevitably falls off. I think I would be ok if that whole toe just fell off!  My legs aren’t sore and I’m ready to meet up with Julie and Cat for a short easy run. Thanks to all the Allenspark Pack Runners who made my run so much more fun!

Click the “keep reading” to see an ugly blister

[lageografiademicamino]

Welcome

Even though it’s still early days of my life in Portugal - here’s a ”quick” update about my first 9 days in Lisbon! Tons of things I’m still missing, practical things like having a local bank account or a phone number and obviously the city, the country within its culture and language haven’t still quite opened for me yet.

Back in Finland I did manage to squeeze the last 30 years of my life into two luggage (apart from a few bags of clothes and dvd’s and cd’s which my mom took in) and get rid of everything else that didn’t fit in. People wondering how do you do that, but it is literally like peeling an onion. Prioritizing. One layer at the time. And yes it can make you even cry – or at least sad. Not everything you want or even need does fit in. Farewells  were as expected but it was comforted by the thought in my head that leaving Finland felt still very natural and necessary thing to do. I was on the right track. 

(Not all in that pile ended up coming with me)

My first down side came along already back at home when I was trying to get a travel insurance (or any insurance) which no finnish insurance company will provide me cause I don’t have a permanent address there anymore and I’m moving permanently out of the country. So I went on as insuranceless and hoped that all my stuff, all 56 kg of it would arrive safely in Lisbon with me. Luckily no problems there. I’m covered in health issues by my employer but not sure if I can get some insurance for my stuff from a portuguese insurance companies. Still working on that one. 

In my new employer’s support package for foreign employees included a pick up from the airport which was super handy since I didn’t know where I was gonna live (the flat was also provided by Teleperformance). And the guy picking me up wasn’t part of any international human trafficking as mom was so afraid. Positive things, you know. No, he was very friendly and professional.

But to be honest - I was super relieved that the company I applied EXISTS and everything was what they said it would be. Because when you agree online to something - you never know. But everything went fine and I didn’t become one of those horror stories you hear out there. 

(My new home - My room, the two pics, the messy ones above in the left)

The neighborhood gave me first a chill and not in positive sense of the word. It didn’t exactly wow me even though I wasn’t expecting any Ritz – I do pay only a few hundreds of euros monthly. The flat was nice though. A lot of light. There are 3 other people, at the moment all girls (2 from Austria, 1 French). Not super close with them but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However they’re friendly and helpful. 

In a nutshell there are washing machines (dishes, laundry + tumble dryer), one broken coffee maker (working on that), freezer (ice cream), two bathrooms, no balcony. And basically I have the other bathroom for my use only – a bit confused about why that is but apparently it has something to do with the locations of the rooms I guess (not complaining). Down sides.. we could have more kitchen wear, I CANNOT ACCOMMODATE ANYONE and it could be tidier here... but oh well it’s a start. I can look for something else if I get super irritated. Oh and we have a cleaning lady coming in once a week but she doesn’t touch the rooms naturally. And yes still people can’t mind their own messes! Apart from once locking myself outside of the flat even with a key (don’t ask me) there haven’t been any difficulties.

(Not my photo - I live 10min to the left from this traffic circle) 

But the location is really good. I guess I live somewhat in the Areeiro neighborhood. Feels safe. Lots of people with children, old couples.. Not a party district clearly. 10min away from the metro, train stations. Bus stops, pharmacy, groceries are right in front of my house. In the next block there are cafes, gym, more grocery stores, banks, hotels, restaurants… Airport is super close also. Not prettiest neighborhood in the city but living here – it works!

About the work. Well haven’t started that one yet properly. I’m having four weeks of training with 4 other Finns. It’s been confusing, interesting, cool, difficult, horrifying, fun and the list goes on… Tons of things to learn! But overall so far so good! I do feel like I’m at the right place and this is what I wanna do!

The city itself! Haven’t had much chance to discover it yet. Just the weekends basically. And there are so much to see here! I wonder what kept me away before. The city doesn’t exactly have that one, clear, symbolic sight which the people recognize the destination for but to be honest Lisbon doesn’t need one cause the entire city with its warm atmosphere and relaxed spirit is a landmark itself. It does remind me of Rome (old), Barcelona (green areas, palm trees, mediterranean atmosphere) or Québec City (stairs, hills). This is a perfect city just to get lost. Narrow old streets with tons of colours and details. Hundreds of hills and stairs make sure that wondering around here will go for a work out. People are friendly. They might not always speak English but they understand it pretty well. Super handy when you don’t speak a word of Portuguese! But I have managed with the help of my knowledge in Spanish, French, Italian and English – which ever language you manage to find the word the other person understands. I have a feeling I’m gonna be here for a while. 

The weather hasn’t been that bad as I expected. And yes by bad I mean HOT. I’m afraid of melting, you see. There were some +30 degree days but the there’s always such a strong wind in Lisboa that makes it feel cooler and then when it’s actually +20 it has a tendency to feel actually cold. 

When moving abroad what helps and has helped me tremendously in the past is to have someone at the destination. In Spain I had my future room mate getting me started with things. In Montréal and here in Lisbon I had a friend (THANK YOU!!) – and they were huge help when you just don’t have a clue about anything and for a brief moment you can just trust someone else to take the lead or you’ll always have someone to turn to. 

In general during this week  there have been ups and downs. I have LOVED and then I have just HATED living in Lisbon and Portugal. Strong emotions indeed. And so damn small things but very every day like! If I’ve learnt anything at all during these 9 days is patience! Not the thing itself but basically just that you should have it. I clearly don’t. I knew this and I was reminded of it but still somehow I was surprised. 

Always prepare yourself to have time and effort to have a second or third round of doing things before successfully finishing them. Especially if they are official ones. Forget customer service. Forget doing things online. And like I said in the beginning I haven’t even got myself a phone number or bank account yet. But like they say, no country was made to feel foreigners comfortable. I have definitely been feeling uncomfortable. But so did I in Québec and Spain. This is all part of the fun, the things you’ll be laughing about in a year. In the end things have a way of working out. You’ll find your way. You’ll learn how things work. You’ll adapt. You’ll have a different attitude. And that’s what I’ll be doing. 

[beardedd0nut]

Medieval to communist, all changes from here

Ok so a little bit of an update from in the road. That first day in Helsinki was pretty damn big, much alike that first day in brussels too hard too fast.so the second day we had was spent wandering the streets and seeing bits we missed before meeting up with the tour group. The most interesting thing we found was that the city seemed to loop in on itself, well that or we just kept going in stupid circles... the Christmas markets were nice and resulted in me purchasing a fancy little handmade knife, I wanted a belt but there were none in my size so I went for the next best thing.

We got on the sky wheel that while not underwhelming just wasn't anything to write home about. Melbournes star is an absolute joke, but it is in a good position and gives a pretty reasonable view of the city, this just let us see the port and a slightly taller view of the city than you get on the ground. After that we met up with the majority of the tour group and our wonderful trip leader Tim.

Tim took us for a walk through the town that night and to the Christmas market again. The walk itself was nice, but the rain and snow combination was something none of us were ready for. It's like having little pieces of snow land in your eye is quaint, but being drenched and having snow hit you in the face is kinda sucky. After a short stop, a group picture, and finding out that the darude sandstorm video was filmed at the large church residing over the Christmas market we went on for a few pre dinner bevs (always the best way to get to know peeps)

Dinner was a strange combination of sort of raw salmon for the entree, chicken in something for dinner, and yogurt with orange stuff... might have been a little cut and not really sure what any of it was but it was edible and that's all you need sometimes. The following morning was spent just hanging around before getting on the ferry to Estonia. The ferry was less a ferry and more a small cruise ship. It got a little bumpy in a couple of spots, but for 2 hours it wasn't that bad overall, far better than the shitty little boat I had in mind.

Estonia itself is very lovely. Nice historic buildings in the old town, and apparently the birthplace of the first ever Christmas tree. It's still really hard getting used to this whole 6-8hours of light thing, it seriously fucks with you and I can easily see why the Norwegians go crazy and burn down churches and shit. The Christmas market here was even cuter than the one in Helsinki and we got a quick taste of a local mulled wine or rum like concoction, I tried some of the rum and it was mighty tasty and relatively cheap. The diner was a simple salad and steak but the surly barmaid obviuosly wasn't too far into her job coz she had a face like a smacked arse for most of the evening.

The following day was cold, like fucking cold. It has been cold anyway but the fucking wind was near unbearable. We all started the walking tour with a chill, but by halfway through a cafe break was beyond needed. The city itself, well the old town, has buildings and churches dating back to the 15th century. The houses and buildings are quite brightly coloured when compared to other older towns, and with the slowly melting glaciers Estonia is actually slowly rising up each year meaning the town we know would have been totally different back in the day.

We passed through where the monks had built a few places to take care of the sick and unwell, they honoured this by erecting big bronze statues that just look like death hanging around, and it would be creepy as shit at night. While trying to get around people I decided to take a dirt track instead of the pavement and guess who ate shit on some black ice? This guy. Came down right on the knees and wrists, but kept the camera safe and that's the main thing.

The churches in town are mostly orthodox Russian ones, the Estonian people are relatively unfazed by religion so to see these grand pieces with huge decorations within is very strange. The artwork held within the church walls is stunning, truly amazing but it feels like every old church in Europe had mastercraft peoples who were dedicated to their crafts putting the places together. The other church we went to had several tombs within and on all the walls were the family coat of arms for each group buried underneath.

The last church was followed by a trip to a local pancake place for lunch that was recommended by our walking tour guide. The pancakes were great, and at a great price too, nothing like the kidney you have to give up at the pancake parlour. A few of us decided to trek up to the palace made for One of the nobles after the delicious meal and found that the cold was somewhat subsiding.

The palace itself was host to a few different gardens, including the winter garden that was pretty much just small neatly trimmed hedges. Inside it is now a museum that shows off the artworks created by locals. Their art included crazily realistic sculptures all the way through to see-expressionist stuff. It was a lovely afternoon that was followed by a great evening filled with elk no boar pies (maybe the best meat pie I've ever had, I had about 5) and yet again bevvies.

Yesterday had just been spent travelling into Russia, more specifically St Petersburg. The drive was kind of meh being slightly hungover but the dickhead bus driver blasting the heating then the aircon wasn't helping. Crossing the border from Estonia into Russia was a very strange experience. We got taken off the bus and had to walk through to get our passports stamped, meanwhile thinking what was gonna happen if they wanted to search them. I could have made diamonds in my butt there was that much tension.

This arvo/ evening consisted of the fuckwit bus driver going back to Estonia instead of returning or the hotel and thus delaying our driving tour of the city. We still saw it all, but the dumb mother fucker had one job and screwed it up. This city is stunning, I had never realised it was a series of islands connected via bridges. The city was created to put up a pretty front and invite people to trade with Russia, the tsar at the time even forcing people to move there from Moscow. Dinner was held at a dinner and show place where we saw a dance show from some locals. It was kind of cheesy, but man can some of them dance. The dinner even included a sneaky shot of vodka that was thoroughly enjoyable.

That's about it for now. Looking at a couple more days here in St Petersburg then it's off to Moscow to finish it all up.

Catchyas all soon

[datingadviceonreddit]

This will be long, but I go through the mess I went through this year. It is a crazy story, so read if you’d like, but please do take some stuff from it all, so you don’t do what I did.So first of all, not every Redditor is going to be right, but everybody puts their non-biased opinions in, which helps a lot. Unfortunately, I did not take these tips and opinions, and put myself through a lot to get to where I am today.Last year around this time, I made this post: https://ift.tt/2Q6vnMn highly suggest taking a look at that and some of the comments.I never updated everybody on this, but that girl broke up with me at that time because she had cheated on me, and she felt horrible about it, so she felt like leaving was the easiest option, however, I found out what she did not too long after.It has been nearly a year since that post was made. Let me tell you all what has happened in that year. This will be a long post but hopefully it will all give you insight to what I’ve gone through.After I found out that she had cheated on me, a few days after I made that post, I texted her that I knew what she did, and she wanted to talk over phone, not text. I didn’t want to talk that night, I was so frustrated, so I told her very politely that we would talk in the morning but I know what she has done and goodnight. So, we had about an hour and a half conversation about what all happened. She cried and said she’s so sorry, and I said it’s okay and I’m here if she needs anything. I had a snapchat streak with her, and now that I think about it, the night she broke up, she sent me a streak picture of the guy that she cheated on me with. Very disheartening stuff, that hurt my feelings.Anyways, all of December passes and we don’t talk any. I invite her brother and some friends of mine that lived 2 houses down from them out to my house to hang. So anyways, we all hang and then the next day, I drop off her brother and he tells me to come in. I said I didn’t really feel comfortable to, but he said to do it anyways. So I walk in their house and everyone is sitting in the living room. They all say hey and all, and tell me to take a seat. The only empty seat in the room was right beside, well you know it, my ex girlfriend. So I sit down and I notice her staring kind of at me out of the corner of my eye, and I’m thinking,”Oh lord.” We do eventually talk some and I told the family I had to go to my other friends house because they wanted me to spend the night (the friends were the ones 2 houses down). So I say my goodbyes and go to my friends house. When I get there, my friends start getting defensive and were asking me why I was at her house and I said to drop off her brother and all. They were very skeptical. All of the people in that house didn’t want me getting back with her or even talking to her, they knew she’d hurt me. After everybody questions me, I get a text from her telling me that if I want cookies, she is cooking them and she’d like for me to get some. I told her no thanks but thanks for the offer and she’s all cool with it.Well, blah blah blah, let me skip a few things, we eventually start talking and being with each other more, so of course, we start dating. It was pretty good at first, however, I still stressed about her cheating and stuff and the past repeating itself. She reassured me that it would be okay but I still sometimes got worried. Skip another month, she gets to go to another dance, but not with me. She had to book this dance before we even got back together, so she booked it with another guy. No biggie. So, I ask her not to grind on the guy or kiss him or do anything else bad and I tell her to have fun and all. I get a text from a close friend an hour into their dance (I was 7 hours away in another city) that she was grinding all over on and twerking on her date for the night. Reddit, I was so disappointed and sad. I had the literal worst feeling in my stomach that night, I felt like puking. It wasn’t because of the grinding so much as the lying. I thought she had changed and I was beginning to trust again. It felt so disrespectful. So I text her and tell her that I found out some stuff and I was very calm and told her I wanted to break up. She got pretty agitated because she said she was pressured into it, and it slowly turned into an argument. Anyways, we stay together, but she goes and tells her family about our argument, and she makes a big scene, and I felt absolutely belittled and embarrassed. I texted her parents about how I was sorry, but I didn’t even start anything. I made myself look worst. Anyways, the parents were chill but they didn’t believe me. They said she couldn’t hardly move in her dress, much less dance or twerk. Yeah right. I never argued though.Skip forward some, things seem to be taking a turn for the worst, and so I figured to fix it, I’d get her a diamond promise ring. So she could always wear it on her finger and keep her promises. I guess that was a pretty naive thing for me to think. Nothing really changed. That night was the first time I had made out and I felt great, but nothing really changed.After almost one more month, we discussed it and we broke up. However, we still stayed in contact. Anyways, I make a slight mistake. This was my first relationship so I was so naive in so many things. So, this girl messages me and begs me for some pics or some crap, so I send them. And they are not the best pics, if you all catch my drift. My then ex and I were most definitely broken up, I’d never EVER cheat at all. But I still felt like I had to apologize to her (Naive, I know). So, I told her to promise to keep a secret and I told her right after it happened. I felt like trash, I blocked the girl that asked and left it be. Anyways, I figured she wouldn’t tell anyone, I’ve kept her secrets that she has told me. I was WRONG!!!We are sitting in an awards thing on stage, and we are towards the back. It’s mostly for seniors so there was nothing for us to do at the time, so we were looking at instagram and stuff. Now this girl like to talk to her exes often, and so much so, she showed me one of their text’s she thought was funny. It was not to me. She thought it was funny because he was getting mad because she “didn’t text him often”. Okay, whatever. What got me; he said,”Why would you want to talk to someone who would send pictures to another girl.”Yeah, she told one of her exes, that was using it against me in an argument. I felt so betrayed, I basically shut down. She tried to make up to me on stage but I was so irritated. She knew she did wrong. I mean, I did too, but we weren’t even dating and she promised not to tell. I haven’t mentioned him the whole time either, but she also has this other ex, who was her first (first person she had sex with). She had the yellow heart on snapchat with him (I know, cringe, but let me explain. The Yellow heart is a token beside another persons name, which means that you were snapping that other person the most for a week straight at least. So basically, she was “talking to” her ex more than me, which is a red flag). I check her phone once ever and see that she has it with this ex of hers, and I get noticeably irritated (I told her at least 10 times I don’t like her talking to him, but I’m not going to make her do anything. I figured she’d stop on her own out of respect). She started trying to kiss me and tell me everything is alright. Yeah right. Why am I bringing this up though? The only to times she showed true compassion to our relationship was those two times (the snapchat thing and the situation where she told her other ex my secret).So that night, I was so perturbed, I went out to my car, went home after everything, and the next day, I told her I wanted to end all communication.It didn’t work.We start talking more this time. We are basically dating when this other dance happens at our school. She’s not in it though, she is helping set up for it and monitor it, however, she tells me they usually twerk in a circle and crap. I asked her not too and she basically said,” I don’t care what you say, I’m doing what I want.” So I said”okay” and just asked her not to grind on anyone and she did agree and promise to that. I’m working that night on our farm. All night long, I worry, then I just release all the stress and I just feel like I should just trust her. Everything seems to go great all night, nobody calls or texts me, and it is all nice. The next day however, that’s when I get a call.A guy at the party tells me that he didn’t see anything, but apparently my cousin and her friends saw her grinding on a guy and apparently got a video of it. My heart drops once more. I call my cousin, and she confirmed it. She was even in the car with the friends that saw it and they confirmed it. They said that she was on her hands and knees grinding all over another guy, who I find out later was one of our waiters that served us at a fancy restaurant one day, but oh well I guess. My cousin sends me the video, and you can’t see her doing anything in it, but you can see her with the guy. Apparently, she even went and told my cousin to please not tell me about it because she saw that they saw her.That was the last straw. I was supposed to go see Post Malone with her that weekend too, but I did not go. I told her that the ticket was hers, to take somebody else, but not me. She got mad, and we did not talk anymore until the middle of summer.I went on a cruise, and when I got off I had 4 voicemails from her making sure I wasn’t dead because she couldn’t get in contact with me (I turned off my phone for no extra out of the country charges). We talk a little but go the rest of summer without talking.Anyways, at the very end of summer, she texts me and we start texting again. She seems different though. She seems like she’s changed. So, after a little while, we get back together.Everything is so much better, she is communicating with me more (I never mentioned this but this is really important. She always used to get mad when I worried about her cheating, she would never discuss it with me), and communication is super important. She seems nicer too and better, However, things go down the drain some. We end up having sex and it was okay, not really the best experience, but I appreciate her opening up to me like that, and that is forever in my gratitude. She said I was the best though which is good. I do wish I would have waited though to lose my virginity. However, that all happens and everything is happy. I start worrying some though because I take a step back and I remember how badly I had been treated in the past and even then (she did not always treat me very nicely, which is okay, but just, a lot of stuff was extremely rude, like saying she hoped I got sick after coughing in my face. She said it was a joke and that’s fine, but it just was rude though. I don’t mind playing around some but the way she said it seemed sincere), I also worry about the past repeating itself. Eventually, she starts saying how she sometimes feels like she can’t take it (because I wanted to ask her stuff and sometimes I did repeat myself, but she always got so mad and never communicated it with me. I would’ve been better off with the slightest compassion), and it really kills me because I went through hell and back for this girl and she can’t take it anymore because I love her so much that I worry? Yeah, okay...She was mean to me, stressed me out, I put my all in and she didn’t seem like she really cared all that much, and I was losing myself in the process.Before all of this, back to the snapchat thing, she had a red heart now with her first once again (That means you’ve been snapping each other the most for basically a month straight). Big red flag. I told her I believe probably about 20 plus time about how I thought it was disrespectful, and nothing really changed. One day, their heart went away, and then we got one.Anyways, this is basically the climax. All of this stress with me realizing how she is not the best for me was building up.Before I went to bed one night, I went to bed and checked my phone, and we lost our heart. I was hoping that everything was okay, but I did worry. I still went to sleep though.I woke up at 5 because of stress and a dream I had. The dream was, she had the yellow heart with this ex of hers again, and that was a sign for me that it wasn’t for me, and in the dream, I left and was stress free (I kid you not, this really happened). Anyways, she woke up eventually, and we texted our good mornings and all. Anyways, I texted her and asked her something I’ve never asked for, I asked her for a screenshot of her top 10 people she talks to on snapchat the most, and she said ‘sure’. 5 minutes later, I got it, and sure enough, it was just like in my dream. I knew how much disrespect I’ve taken, and this was nothing but the tipping point for me. I knew what I had to do.I told her I wanted to break up and we talked some but that was it (Again, I did not break up because of snapchat, I broke up because of so many other reasons but it was only a tipping point for me).Anyways, I was going to get her one closer to time, but unfortunately unexpected things happened. She got me one though and she wanted to give it to me if it was the last thing she did.I told her thanks, but I can’t accept, but she told me I WILL take the present. So because I didn’t even want to fight, I agreed. I received it today.It was very nice and now I feel bad for even taking it. I spent a lot on her but I really don’t care how much I spent or how much hell I went through, I felt and feel awful about it.So Reddit, here we are now. After everything; me feeling like trash at times and believing all of this was my fault and after all of the emotions I’ve felt and heart breaks and times I, a pretty serious guy, have cried myself to sleep, and after all of the emotions; it could have been avoided if it was for me listening to those Redditor’s.After everything though, I never put her down in any way, or made her feel bad about herself. Taking the highroad is the ultimate gift.After all of that, and by the way, thank you to anyone that read it, it should offer a different viewpoint to anyone that can use it, but it could have all have been so much better if I would have listened to Reddit.I listened to my heart though and in the end it ended up being shattered multiple times and dropped on the floor and crushed.Reddit offers different views that usually are non biased to your life or your feelings, and the most logical approach to every situation.People who post anywhere, but especially on this forum, please take heed to the warning Redditor’s give you and please do not make the mistakes I have which was go back to somebody who doesn’t cherish you as much.The girl I dated is high status in school (I am also) and you would never think she was capable of this or we were not compatible. There is so much though to learn. Looks are not all.AND IF YOU ARE IN A SMALL TOWN OR WHERE EVER AND STAY IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T GET ANYONE ELSE AS PRETTY OR WHATEVER THE CASELeave the relationship for your own health. There are so many people out there that will want you and cherish you always. Do not ever settle for less and know your self worth. Trust me, it will get better.And the sun will always rise the next daySo listen to Redditor’s and live everyday to the fullest with the person you love and who loves you back and respects you always like you do themI wish I had that, but we all live and learn. Best of luck Reddit, and thank you all for opening my eyes more. via /r/dating_advice